#which isn’t just wrong because. transmen are men

[area51-escapee]

I guess that what I wish people understood is that “trans men often spent years being perceived as, treated as, and possibly even identifying as women” and “trans men are not just women who happen to look like men” are both very true statements

[porcelainvino]

Unpopular Opinion Ask Game: 🏳️‍🌈💛

Which character who is commonly headcanoned as queer doesn't seem queer to you?

i already answered this one but now that i think about it more, maybe transman!kurt????? maybe idk i think i like that he’s a feminine(ish) man/amab person more :3 DON’T GET ME WRONG, TRANSMEN CAN BE FEMININE but i think i saw someone headcanon him as a transman because he “looks like a girl” or something and it has ruined me 😭😭😭 like ohhhhh that’s not…

What is a popular ship you just can't get behind, and why?

hmmmmmmmm kurt x any other man besides blaine but in a SERIOUS context. i love a silly little kurt ship (ex: my better!glee puckurt storyline) but when people are like “KURT AND [man that isn’t blaine] ARE SOULMATESSSS” it’s weird to me 😭 i think saying that any couple are “soulmates” is cringe by itself but something about all these mediocre men……. like tbh i don’t think i even like klaine that much when i think about it but like…………… why would you ship him seriously with any of these guys… they’re all so lame……… i’m sorry…..

[gayowlsntitans]

CONT Cause tumblr wouldn`t let me add more to the original.

“Dude, you originaly shared a freakin' blog post while I shared medical sites. And now you share either news sites, or medical sites talking about FEMALE humans-trans or otherwise, not male.And sure, one kinda medical site that tries to humour people like you that buy into the bs that is trans women having periods-though once again the word period isn't a scientific word soooo….”

Because trans women ARE WOMEEN, We are talking about trans women here not trans men. You said “Trans women dot get periods” not trans men.Keep up dude. Theres multipack medical sites hat say the same thing as the one I linked. Is not bs, its been tested and proven, yuor the one believing the bs here that other radomes tell you cause you cant use yuor two braincells to form a cohesive thought to save your life. Trans women THEMSELVES say the have period like symptoms, they have periods, doctors have noted it.

The phantom period still have the same symptoms as PMS, cramps, bloating, cravings,etc.  So it’s still a period like all cis women  face,it’s still part of menstruation. 

“Once agan, menstruation is shedding of the lining of the uterus and phantom menstruation occurs when something is wrong, either cause of internal factors like endo, or external cause of removed uterus but remaining ovaries--in other words one has to be FEMALE.’

No it doesn’t, PCOS is in men and women, trans men and women  can also have ends, theres been studies on this too.https://www.jmig.org/article/S1553-4650(21)00559-8/fulltext

So no it’s not just FEMALE . 

“Also "Not every cis women bleeds during their period, are they suddenly not women anymore?"that's a strawman and you know it.”

Strawman: a distorted (and weaker) version of another person's argument that can easily be refuted

This isn’t a distorted view of your argument, you are saying “trans women dont bleed so they down have periods.” “Trans women dont have ovaries/uterus  so they dont have periods” Thats what you’ve been saying this whole time. Reread your argument and it’s right there.

“To conclude you keep conflating sex with gender when I only talk about the former, you share news articles and medical ones that talk about FEMALE humans not male-like that medical article about a uterus transplant, 

Because even in there articles trans women are considered women, and ive shown you  studies of both men and women with uterus transplants. 

https://journalofethics.ama-assn.org/article/should-uterus-transplantation-transwomen-and-transmen-be-subsidized/2023-06

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9259284/

In the OP`S post im pretty sure I mentioned trans men getting pregnant to, so I dont know what to tell you. 

“it was about a natal woman; and that NEWS article talks about a posibility which is nothing but a pipe dream when one knows and understands human anatomy, and also what entails organ transplants in general.”

You don`t even understand human anatomy if you don’t see trans women’s hips change on T and it’s possible for their hips to get bigger and wider, as ive pointed out above. And the rats was still successful, and theres been many tests done on rats getting different genitalia. Most doctors know it would work, and that it would help trans women, more than you and your limited knowledge of trans people.

A natal women helping make it possible for trans women In the future when you said it was just a pipe dream. If it was just a pipe dream it wouldn’t have even been tested before. It has been and trans women have been interested in in for awhile now. 

“So yeah, I'm out, and you keep living in fantasy land, and keep conflating things when arguing with others in the future and also with building strawmen in those arguments. Have a nice life, goodbye.”

You’re the one living in fantasy land here, can’t even understand a single thing about trans people or science behind it, yet your`re a nurse. Please learn your definitions and what a straw man, trans women, men, and menstruation is cause you have no idea what you’re talking about. Sorry you have to live with your last two braincells but hey thats what being a nerf does to you, makes you as dumb as Patrick Star. Have the life you deserve, goodbye.

[rabbitdrabbles]

TW: violence, sex-based oppression, trafficking, non-con I'm scared to share it in the OG post of the "unpopular whump opinions" but my unpopular opinion about the overall preference of MALE whump, is that some people do it to escape the reality of misogyny/ AFAB discrimination (because let's face it, most transmen have grown up through female socialization too and have faced sex-based oppression even after coming out).

Like... torture, abuse, non-con, being trafficked... it is all a historical and modern-day reality for both sexes, but the primary perpetrators of terrorism, wars, domestic violence and sex crimes and most leaders of trafficking rings have been historically cis men. In the p*rn industry alone, it has been estimated that more than half of the women in it have been trafficked, whereas he percentage of men who have been trafficked is about 17% (still too high if you ask me). In today's day and age, it's still mostly AFAB people who suffer domestic violence and sex crimes, just check out some videos from Yemen or Afghanistan. I truly feel uncomfortable when I read the so-called fem-whump, because even though it's not a real person getting hurt, real names, real people, real news headlines, real cases of young girls having gone missing, being kidnapped and brutally murdered pops up into my mind - cases from yesterday, last week, last month, last true crime podcast, a friend, another friend's sister - they all pop into my mind and reading 'lady whump' is like a continuous exposure to reality. I want to read whump to escape reality, not to re-immerse myself in it. I'm not a fan of child whump either, for a similar reason.

Writing male/ male-on-male whump is like taking back control from the patriarchy.

I'm not saying that EVERYONE feels that way but on a subconscious level, I'm willing to bet at least some people do.

For the record: this is all just my personal feelings on the matter. If anyone who reads this enjoys femwhump, as long as you don't harm or wish harm upon real women, you do you.

hello!! respectfully, I’m not sure what post this is referring to, you might be directing this at the wrong person? unless I’m mistaken in which case someone correct me please.

I think you’re absolutely correct though!! I will be entirely frank I think I simply enjoy male whump because I find it hot, but I’ve heard and heartily agree with this perspective too even if it’s not the main reason why I personally enjoy it. I also definitely understand why one might get super turned off by femwhump as it so harshly mirrors what women/AFABs face so often in reality, it’s also a squick of mine but I think for different reasons; either way I completely resonate with you. frankly I’m surprised this opinion (more of a fact tbh) isn’t more well known within the whump community? like I’ve seen people complain about why there’s such a lack of fem whump and well idk I kinda thought the reason was obvious haha. not dissing anyone who likes it ofc I kinda just figured everyone knew femwhump would stay in the minority for the exact reasons you described, evidently not though so thank you for putting it in words!!!

edit: found the post and my reblog, I’m honored you chose me to tell your opinion to haha and sorry I took so long to respond!!

[fox-steward]

Women and girls don't need to put down trans men in order to be strong and powerful and connected to their identity.

You are just a transphobic idiot. Nothing else. And guess what, that makes you a very bad person. Trans men typically go by he/him. Regardles of they hear you or not, it's wrong to not respect that. Same logic would be calling women "br**ding machines" when they can't hear you.

You are disgusting. Reevaluate why you feel so insecure about your identity and reality that you have to hit a vulnerable group like that

you’re right, women don’t need to put down transmen in order to be strong or powerful, which is why i make a concerted efforts not to put down transmen. they are, after all, so like me i might as well put myself down. that doesn’t mean i am not honest in speaking about my experiences.

i am under no obligation to indulge anyone’s fantasy, especially when it is demonstrably false and antithetical to reality, and, in my experience, detrimental to the delusional person herself.

in fact, telling the truth about trans ideology and reality in general (that transmen are female and being female is the only requirement for being a woman and being a transman is exclusively a woman’s experience, that only women can experience walking through the world trying to pass as or passing as a man without being male) is a show of respect.

and i know for a fact i’m not a bad person. you probably aren’t either, but coming into a perfectly benign stranger’s inbox to try to tear her down certainly isn’t a good look.

wanna know why transmen “go by” he/him and aren’t simply “referred to” AS he/him? because transmen are insisting on something that isn’t true: the fantasy that they are male and thus men. and they “go by” pronouns because it’s self-directed and self-imposed. but pronouns, being the third-person referential, are pretty universally imposed ON us by others who need to talk ABOUT us, they’re not something we just pick and choose for whatever reason; they refer to us as others know us, in ways that are beyond our control—namely referring to our sex, which is obvious and observable from birth for nearly everyone.

i feel for you, coming here and putting yourself on blast like this with all the projection, because i am so clearly not insecure. having gone through transition and detransition, i finally feel calm because my being a woman is tied solely to my being female, the only prerequisite. and a inalienable one at that. i can love and think and dress and behave however the fuck i want and my identity is stable. i don’t have to figure out WHAT i am, which has allowed me to spend time with WHO i am. i recommend it.

[rametarin]

the fact that this is just an everyday thing..

I’m still kind of stunned TERFs are not only allowed to be acknowledged to be a thing now, but that it’s okay to drag them and even acknowledge their academics and authors by name and their works, without being shouted down, the subject changed and filibustered, or automatically tossed into the same trash bin with Ben Shapiro and Jordon Peterson for doing it.

Yep, more of the same thoughts. You can skip. Just reflecting and pondering my naval and also stuff that caused me a lot of grief as a child.

Back in my day, man-hating TERFs were invisible. You weren’t even allowed to acknowledge they existed, or else if you tried to communicate what you heard, you’d be smiled at and, “corrected,” assumed that you just filled in the blanks about feminism in a very unflattering way from your very fragile male egoed sheltered male-supremacist upbringing, awwwww.

They’d say, there are no real feminists that talk that way, while ignoring any feminist literature that spoke of male sexed or gendered people like we were the living dead out to prey on them, and that we caricatured feminists ourselves into horrible harpies, or we were listening to propaganda from religious traditionalists and white supremacists to get our opinions. In which case they’d visualize you as the effigy of an NPC woman-hating Nazi and just talk to you like one.

Yes this sure sounds familiar for other things, but god damn. TERFs were and still kind of are synonymous with feminism, everyday and radical kinds. We’re encouraged to make fun of TERFs by intersectionals, but only on the differences between an intersectional and a TERF. As if the only thing wrong about TERFs and their hatred of men is that their definition of man excludes transmen from men and calls them confused women.

But it blows my mind, every day. Not just “screw you, hippie” normies and obviously the right wing, but now even far-leftists/radical leftists are talking about radfems like they’re just female Nazis and conservatives if their feminism isn’t intersectional. Where before it was these TERFs that were in this amorphous cultural and institutional seat of power, writing the academic papers and having them buffered and repeated by college kids and made real by this cultural dissemination. And now they’ve been instructed to, “DIG THE FUCKING HOLE” that intersectionals want to culturally bury them in.

I both love and hate this. I love it because you can’t really know the pain of lonliness of what it was like to be male in an era where all the girls were defining and understanding themselves as women being told the men around them were all rapists and domestic abusers and brutal militaristic monsters, and encouraged to think in terms of sex-as-class, thus any boy around them was by default like the worst imaginary boogyman ou can imagine. How girls defined their relationships with boys by how much they proactively spoke up and performed about how horrible other boys were for, “not knowing about all this horrible history!” and communicating that they were conscientous and thus checking themselves and other men and thus, could be perceived as understanding and not a threat.

Radical Feminism made girls suspicious of and distrust males on the basis of, “the female sex is oppressed and boys are horrible,” and set the cultural standard of if boys were even worth respecting or associating with to how much they “admitted” to being terrible and trying to be better than the status quo they saw of American society at the time; male chauvinist, white supremacist, misogynistic. They made young girls terrified of men, suspicious of male family members but tenuously tolerant, and absolutely untrusting of any strange man that wasn’t coding their speech or actions or behaviors around whatever gripe or trope or catchphrase was memetically being passed around anybody that had family in sociology courses in college at the time they were lording their education on.

Being a boy is already alienating enough with the absence of trust unless vetted, the ease at which you can lose it, the slow rate of gaining it, the fact that by comparison girls get benefit of the doubt in the court of public opinion (innocent until proven guilty is in fact INCREDIBLY radical for a court system, else more men would hang and fry.) But what the radfems were instilling in girls how to relate to boys, encouraging them to be terrified of us, at the same time claiming they were immune to accusations of sexism because sexism was only sexism when it was the patriarchy imposing oppression down on “the oppressed sex,” IE, girls.

They were simultaneously prejudiced and bigoted in their literature towards men, their supposedly equality seeking pro-woman or anti-man legislation designed to help women by either hobbling men or privileging women, and professing to be the ultimate arbiters of fairness and equality. So you could not contradict them without merely objecting proving you hated equality and were scared of women being your equal, and then they’d simply speak in your direction while telling off whatever chimera they saw of you composed of every right wing radio talkshow host, or conservative cultural author or crack jokes at you about preachers, like they applied to your position just because you disagreed with theirs (so therefore you MUST have just been supporting THE ENEMY, right?)

It’s just surreal. The stranglehold they had on the conscience of young women and their imaginations as they developed and sorted this shit out. It felt absolutely helpless. Other girls wouldn’t contradict the other girls that were more radical on the grounds of secular progressivism very often.. So you ran into the problem that the most likely girl to break with the girls-club and verbally say to stop shit talking boys within eavesdropping distance were the sort of girls that had a religious or personal cultural reason to do so. These were the type that would object to radfems on the premise that, “patriarchal culture is GOOD, ackshully. >:3.” And uh.. well... as a boy you at least appreciated they weren’t following the herd of arbitrary boy hating on the basis of some weird space utopia, but cringed viscerally that they were just swinging in the opposite direction. Those ones were immediately deleted from the secular progressive girls-club social and romantic bubble to go off and join hands with the religious girl romantic bubble of imagination and culture.

Then you had the girls that just wanted to jump rope that would sort of nod along and agree and giggle with the radical horseshit the soapbox standing girls would try to put into their vernaculars. (80s and 90s equivalents of, ‘mansplaining,’ ‘everything is phallic for men because they’re afraid of having a small penis’, ‘all rapists are men and most men are rapists.’)

Those ones would go along with and provide passive support any time a mouthy soapbox standing best friend decided to use peer pressure to make an example of a boy, making “the teachable moment” more real. But, they also wouldn’t follow the soapbox standing baby TERFs deeper down the rabbithole and kind of slip away like eels when asked. Still,

The contrast between boys, whom weren’t allowed to be neutral or impartial and the soapbox stander babby radfems WOULD call out, put on the spot, and then berate them as examples of everyday misogynists based on their answers of loaded questions just to perform to their girlfriends, and the fact girls that didn’t want to participate weren’t turned on and eaten alive quite so readily, was something you just sort of noticed as a male kid in the 80s.

It was an absolutely terrible time, and that whole setup had to’ve been orchastrated by people with a knowledge of sexual psychology and parasocial relationships, emotional histrionics and culture.

The same people that engineered radical feminism for them, also designed intersectional feminism as its 2.0 upgrade. Just designed it to eat its predecessor and then blame it on TERFs for being wrong. But, it’s the same culture. It’s the same principles in the same high ivory tower places. They’ve just anointed different people in the hierarchy to take on the generational positions as celebrity scholars writing papers on those basis.

And then once comedians started poking fun at and making absurdism towards the more radical parts of feminism, and your average person had more access to reading the absurdity of some of the authors and their credibility became shot, and even among kids, the credibility became mockable, radical feminism just sort of hit a cultural resistance point somewhere in the 90s.. I’d say around 91-93. I couldn’t say exactly when, but collectively it just started meeting resistance from even people that previously sympathized with it.

And the water carriers, the soapbox standers, quieted. Maybe they just worked it out of their system, maybe they feared overstaying their welcome, maybe they were told off and were afraid of being alienated.. But they went invisible again, and by 1993 it was fair game to make fun of feminists. Even among progressives.

They never went away completely. I can still remember some girls in my class talking gleefully about how, “men were going to be obsolete soon. They managed to make an egg start dividing in a lab with electric shock; we won’t even need boys to reproduce, soon.” Telling me snidely about how eventually the human species would ‘evolve’ beyond the need for men.

And it showed me another funny contrast between men and women; there are very few men that imagine utopia or paradise without women by their side. But there were a disturbing number of girls that, at least at the time, agreed men were superfluous and unimportant and something to be gotten rid of when they were no longer necessary. That men as a sex should be obsolete.

As a kid, that really hurt. Especially because these same girls tried to say they were for equality and were against discrimination based on sex. You only got the asterisked explanations of what that meant (”Equality for WOMEN, boys are already equal! Discrimination against WOMEN, men aren’t discriminated against by women because we live in a patriarchy and women have no power over it!”) if you pointed out the contradictions and tried to make their special operating logic fit their rhetoric. You had to verbally intervene and make a point to pull the curtain off the blackboxes and underline the algorithms so they couldn’t hide in the margins.

Things are so much better now. Just the fact I can complete these long, complicated thoughts and deposit them somewhere to be read and observed somewhere other than just my own conscience and arguing with made up figures in my head, without disrupting public space, without trying to find opportunities to argue these topics with people at watercoolers or other places people congregate at in real life and hope the discussions had pass on to repeat..

The discourse is just so much more efficient, complete, easier and diverse with media like tumblr and  Minds and what have you. When TERFs could deplatform you by calling you a Nazi and use their own offendedness to win benefit of the doubt and support for women against the horrible horrible misogynist, and give simps an opportunity to support them unconditionally, you could not get a productive word in edgewise.

Now? Even despite being a cis, heterosexual white dude, people all over the world, of all orientations and all backgrounds, can read me relating my experiences of dealing with the worst examples of radical feminism terrorizing developmental relationships between American children in the 80s and 90s, and nod in agreement that they’ve also experienced something like this in the pattern. Even if it’s not quite the same. They can at least better understand and validate.

Just the fact that the emotionally driven, benefit-of-the-doubt dependent era by necessity is over, is so very comforting. I can curse radfems and not automatically just be trashbinned as someone that thinks women shouldn’t vote or have careers or contribute to our society, “beyond their designation.”

Mouthy radfems screaming about how scientific, evidence based and rational they are, constantly needling, “PROVE IT! PROVE I’M WRONG! SHOW ME COUNTER-STATISTICS THAT AREN’T BY REPUBLICAN THINKTANKS!” in order to ‘legitimately’ disagree with them. And not having the resource of the internet, and access to other people that researched the topic and disseminated their debunk of whatever cooked book their got their statistic from. Not even really a library to pull from to argue with the, “professional scientists” in current year. Getting portrayed as an irrational brute that couldn’t support their dissent as anything more than denial to reinforce their narrative to other girls that, “this is just how the patriarchy works. :^)”- All of that can be countered now. Their sources are exposed, counter-arguments by similar scholars and academics are within arms reach, so you aren’t fighting a culture war by someone that only has to quote from a book and somehow do your own research to debunk it by hand.

Christ, the sheer number and the intensity of girls doing this that were my age drove me nuts, because every time it was just to teach other girls to think the worst of people like me on the basis of our sex. It felt helpless. The supposedly apolitical, nonreligious, scientific community telling such hateful garbage about men that you couldn’t touch because you were a kid, not a trained professor with a degree...

You weren’t even allowed to suggest they may have some sort of conflict of interest or conspiratorial ideology outside “equality and fairness for women.” Just that it was SCIENCE!

Bad as things seem today, I promise you they were literal millions of times worse for the way young boys see themselves in the era where you could be shown ideologically slanted cop dramas about woman-hating serial killer men and all domestic abusers on television being men, with no internet and no outlet to express annoyance at this. Things have only gotten better. The only reason they seemed to get worse is because they got more desperate for power and lost so much of it.

Intersectionalism is, honestly, the last gasp of this culture. It tries to haphazardly marry racial Marxism with sexual and gendered Marxism to be an all minority focused perspective of equality. But, it’s too late. In the process, they’ve destroyed the white woman feminism fantasy and hence, their most powerful demographic foothold. They’ve made it okay to alienate white women and deposition them from defacto heads of the movement, to groupie status. They can still contribute, but not as defacto community leaders on behalf of oppressed minorities. And in so doing, they’ve killed a lot of what motivated a lot of white feminists to be so active and involved.

What comes after Intersectionalism will just be the abstract and bizarre, openly transhumanist shell with no way to relate to regular people anymore. They may even just go back to just openly screaming about anti-capitalism in the absence of trying to “free” people by their race, sex, orientation or gender. Not because they don’t want to divide and conquer, but arguing that would be a nonstarter.

But childhood experiences like mine don’t leave bones for anthropologists to dig up, later. Only experiences, thoughts, feelings, and the relationships based on those ideas that drove them. Motivations. Character. These are ephemeral.

I guess that’s why I try to write them down. Because without them, they’d be deliberately memory holed- perhaps, even denied such things existed. And I know well the value of being able to throw things into the void just to blindside the next generation as if something doesn’t exist or it’s only them experiencing it, and preventing them from speaking to one another about it without leading them down a specific conclusion. Because I experienced the flawed, undeveloped version of that, saw through it, and came out the other end wisened and furious about it. And I worry this might be lost. Not knowing if it was just me, or if it was a phenomenon of the person imposing it on me, or if it was part of a conspiracy to behave this way. And it turned out, it was.

It’s 2022, and how I felt in the late 80s/early 90s is 100% vindicated.

[peanut-the-goalie]

ha okay me and my friend were ranting about the super straights yesterday smh

like okay if you don’t want to date trans people fine. I don’t see that as transphobic, it’s really just a preference. Not being attracted to them isn’t transphobic or anything. I think there’s thing where your attracted to the male or female body specifically idfk I read something about that a while ago

what is transphobic though is making a whole identity saying you would only date real women and real men, that part is transphobic. The part where you cancel out and silence our identities because you wouldn’t date us because we aren’t “real” women or “real” men.

And saying that you can’t be transphobic because it’s your “sexuality,” just... no. You can literally be internally homophobic if you’re gay or internally transphobic if your trans. Calling something your sexuality doesn’t erase your phobia. That’s not how it works at all.

Calling yourself “super straight” also refers that straight people who date transmen and transwomen are less straight. Which is transphobic on it’s okay because once again you’re just saying we aren’t real men and women but you’re also invalidating the straight people in a way as well

I have more to say on this but I also want someone to correct me if im wrong about any of this

[janiedean]

I have a feminist friend who hates radfems, but thinks they are a necessary evil to allow feminism to become the predominant in society. Like they are of the idea that sometimes you need violence and generalization (i.e. all men are rapists do not mean that all men are, but that it's predominant in a society that barely punishes rape, etc...) to push an idea forward. He compared this to Malcolm X in the fight for african-american rights in the US (We're european). What do you think?

with the premise that I slept very little and very badly tonight: I think he’s full of shit.

there is no such thing as necessary evil when it comes to social justice stuff within the same movement and honestly I’mma skip on the concept that malcolm x was a necessary evil because honestly that opinion is shit on a whole lot of levels I can’t go into and I don’t exactly feel comfortable to as a white person but I can say that there’s no fucking way that was a necessary evil. wtf.

other than that: violence and generalization is fucking stupid. if not all men are rapists then the goddamned point is that you have to go after the rapists and the fact that society barely punishes rape is another thing that honestly is arguable, the problem is how the laws are applied and the fact that ppl still think that you went looking for it if you were drunk at a party and that depending on who accuses/is accused things change (I mean did we all read to kill a mockingbird or what). not all men are rapists, not all men are violent, saying that 50% of the world is that makes no fucking sense and the ‘necessary evil’ radfems would bring is also a whole fucking shitload of ideas/’’ideologies’’ that are within themselves misogynistic as fuck and transphobic as fuck and honestly only work if you’re a ciswoman that has money and looks right because exfuckingscuse me but this entire men demonization thing basically boils down to ‘if you have a dick you��re bad™’ because you know that according to them being a man = biologically having a dick and I don’t think I have to go into how fucking wrong we are on that account and = being the cause of all evil in society, and if we add the whole ridiculous idea that straight women are brainwashed by the patriarchy, that motherhood is vital to a woman’s existence rhetoric that they have when it comes to y’know surrogate pregnancy and the likes, the whole what you like in bed is what the patriarchy wants you to like bc *spins the wheel* being a submissive woman is obviously not something you could possibly want means that:

they demonize transwomen and don’t recognize that they’re women

ignore that transmen exist 

on that ^^ push a rhetoric that’s as a whole harmful to anyone who’s not cis and if they actually get listened to that can be fucking hurtful bc it’s misinformation and oh we’re in europe I’d like trans ppl to be covered by free healthcare which they sure af don’t want nevermind spounting anti-scientific bullshit with the BIOLOGY!! excuse

which also means that notciswomen are totally fucked if they need help or resources or whatever

ignore that sterile women exist or that you know some women don’t want children but while using that argument to shut down surrogacy they sound like your regular victorian dude who thought that women were walking wombs and excuse me if my fucking womanhood isn’t tied to whether my womb ever produces children or not

also that’s attached to that dumb myth of motherhood being sanctity that oh wait ignores that shit mothers exist

by being antikink and OH MEN ARE BAD YOU SHOULDN’T LIKE THEM BLAHBLAHBLAH and SUBMISSIVE WOMEN ARE BRAINWASHED BLAH BLAH they basically are the same exact type of person that wants to control women’s sexualities and sorry but after centuries of women’s sexuality having been controlled and repressed and whatever by society idt it’s very feminist that other women think they have a say in it dot

let’s also while we say this completely ignore the fact that y’know women who abuse other people (both men and women) and rape other people (both men and women) and are generally more of a patriarchy fan than you’d think because it’s convenient for them or because they have internalized misogyny exist but hey let’s not even touch that topic shall we that would be too much

do we wanna discuss political lesbians and the rampant biphobia in that circle and the rampant straightup misogyny of presuming to tell straight women the patriarchy brainwashed them into wanting to bang men

do we wanna discuss that it’s basically a fucking cult that just spews misogynistic rhetoric dressed as feminism? because that’s what it is

and sorry but where I come from activism doesn’t work when you give space and voice to extremists and cultists and taking them seriously and giving them a platform means that people listen to them and absorb that bullshit and then you end up like in the UK where if you’re trans and need the first psych evaluation the waiting list is five years like fuck’s sake I’m tired of people giving radfems space and they might call me an authoritarian for that but honestly I’d ban them for hatespeech and that’s all I have to say on the topic. also, if feminism is about women having equal rights, that is not the idea that radfems push. and I don’t want shit to do with a supposed feminism that excludes trans people, is only convenient for a small fraction of people and says exactly the same misogynistic bullshit feminists fought against since feminism existed as a concept.

they’re not a necessary evil they’re straight up evil and they need to not be listened to. the end.

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

What is your opinion on straight passing privilege? I (bi) don’t think it exists, but a close (lesbian) friend of mine insists that it does bc “You can hold hands with your SO (nb cis passing man) in public without risking being the victim of a hate crime.” I have been researching but keep seeing this same argument coming up, and I’m unsure and don’t want to be making anyone upset if I’m being ignorant here.

I think that there's a lot of fucked up internet politics around who is and isn't allowed in the community. Which is ridiculous.

Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Pan, Poly, Ace, Aro, Trans, Intersex, etc.

The only people who shouldn't be in the community are cishets, and pedos, none of that 'it's a sexuality' nonsense, it's predation.

The concept of straight-passing is ridiculous, primarily because it's all based on assumptions. If you're in an m/f relationship, and you are both cis and heterosexual, it's straight.

But here's the catch, if you identify as any LGBPT+ then it's not straight.

Two trans people in an m/f relationship is not straight passing.

Two bi people in an m/f is not straight passing, it's queer babes, it's in the name. If you're bi and your partner is like, straight, it's still queer from your side of the fence.

It's the 'pick a side' argument from another direction, this straight passing nonsense. Where you are villified by the straights if you have a same-sex relationship (or fetishised, let's be real, every part of the acronymn has it's own p*rn category aimed at straight people with a kink), and if you have a relationship with the opposite gendered person, the queer community gets cranky.

Two things:

1) Is this friend between 13 and 25? Bc they could still be working this out or being mentored by t*rfs, or had some bad info. IT could be jealousy or fear of being open where you live. Perhaps you could question what makes her say that; has she had a bad experience, or did someone say this to her. where are you Are you in america? are there snake wielding jesus warriors near you? Blink SOS if you need an escape route, child

2) Who wins when everyone in the queer community is divided and policing one another? Telling everyone off for dating this person or that person or not at all

I didn't get an invite to the big queer conference to make these decisions, so like, they're not valid. It's some pocket of internet active idiots who think they can speak for everyone.

What we need to do is stop pulling this bullshit on one another and get back to asking just why the fuck it's not okay for people who are perceived as not-straight or cis etc to hold hands in public.

There's a problem for every facet of the acronym, babes and dudes and theys. Lesbians are heavily sexualised by straight cis dudes. Gays are heavly fetisihed by straight cis women. to the point where even saying 'I'm gay' is considered to be an obscene, sexual act that you should not let children be exposed to.

And there's always someone from the opposite gender who thinks they 'are confused' or 'haven't met the right (gender) person yet', or 'they could fix them with their magic genitals' or mumbled religious nonsense. There's such intense stereotypes that people can't stand women who look butch, but also you can't 'really' be a lesbian unless you are' or gay men can't just be, like, a normal dude, instead of some flamboyant in-your-face charicature.

Of course people who match the stereotype exist, too. And they get no respect for fitting into the stereptypes either, it's just another reason for disrespect. There's no winning.

Bi's can't talk to anyone without hearing a question of a threesome come up or being attacked from either side for coice of partner.

Pans, same, but also kitchenware jokes. Both Bi and Pan are considered sluts and whores and can't decide or are going to cheat, etc. Or the 'you're being special snowflakes', 'choose a side', 'you're secretly gay and won't admit / you're secretly straight and want attention' etc.

Ace/Aro - everyone under this banner gets the whole 'you just haen't found the right person' or 'when you're older/you're a late bloomer' or 'how do you know?' or 'maybe you're straight/gay and haven't worked it out yet?' invalidating them completely and trying to push sex onto them. The queer community has always let Ace and Aro in under the Bi banner, and they are welcome. But the internet community, usually young people, are tearing each other to shreds over it lmao.

Chill.

Non-binary, trans, intersex. They have been here for ages, but people from one community try to destroy their credibility, despite them existing since humanity has. It's big on p*rn and fetish sites too, lot of straight dudes think these things are hot and sexy, but would spit on trans people in the street. Hypocrites (I mean, every second low-brow comedy movie out there makes a thai-l*dyb*y joke, and how it 'doesn't count' like yikes).

Nb has only just been recognised, which is funny bc society literally made up gender and the rules and pretended that was how its encoded in DNA lmao.

Transpeople have it bad though. Between the cis straights, the cis queer community (primarily t*rfs and those who fall for misinformation) and the fetishists, and the medical community who treats them like an illness rather than people. Like, they are afforded respect if they 'pass', but even then it's still an EW factor.

Transwomen are seen as 'men in dresses who want to break into women's spaces' and treated horrifically; assaults are very high. Transmen are seen as butch women, and 'gender tr*itors' by the Crazy Motherfuckers we mentioned before; their assaults are high. They're not considered Real People unless they meet the ridiculously high standards for each gender; unless they perform Right.

I remember, but did not understand at the time bc I recall i was little, that there was a gameshpw bachelorette style and there was a big twist. You know what the twist was? That the bachelorette they'd been dating and trying to win over... was trans. I don't think that she knew it would be the big twist, either; of the two men remaining, bother were angry and one might have been sick. Might be on youtube.

But like, that's funny to the non-queer community. They put a huge fucking target on this woman's back, put her in danger of being hurt, abused, killed, by anyone who watched it. By the men who she had 'lied to' as they chose to frame it, of their weird white american families who could have sought revenge. Like yikes.

And intersex people (called h*rmaphrodites for a long time even by medical personnel) were also a p*rn category and/or medical curiosity for centuries. Not to mention all the cases of parents who just went with 'make them a (specific gender)' if there was mixed presentation, at birth, and got mad at the kids for being like "Hey so, you flipped the coin wrong and I'm ___" even thought the potential for this was always on the cards.

And the parents often make a big messa bout how their baby ___ is dead and gone, even if they DO accept the person/child as who they really are. It's like, I get it they have changed but you didn't mourn their first haircut or lost baby tooth like this and that was change too, chill.

-

Straight-passing is a projection and a weapon. Like, is it the people in the relationship's fault that society looks at the pair and decides they are m/f, straight and cis? Nah, it's what people are conditioned assume and that's on them.

We can't bring it into the queer spaces and keep perpetuating that shit, because it's nonsense. Queer people are dying in other countries and your friend wants to being smart-assed about the fact you hold hands with your nb datemate in public?

-

Nonsense. That's right up there with t*rfs and the gold-star bullshit that was going on for a few years there. Probs still is among the younger people lmaoooo.

'Passing priviledge' is a myth, and it is used to hurt people. Vulnerable people and those who need support / guidance and assistance from their queer communities more than ever. So try to talk to your friend or try The Whole Friend disposal services, either way, chill.

The real issue here is that any of us are at risk of a hate crime for daring to even show affection in public. That even in safe spaces, 'allies' and those wise enough not to be openly homo/trans/bi/pan/ace/aro/other phobic are still side-eyeing you and wanting to talk 'for you' without listening to the community itself.

We have bigger issues than this, and your friend (and some others on the internet) need to get a grip and prioritise.

[Insert strained analogy about being pro-child but childfree in a suburb where everyone got married out of high school and anticipates you and your partner will too, no matter how often you remind them No Thanks. But you babysat the other day and people thought you and your partner looked like 'naturals' when you took child to the park and played with them. And you remind them, hey, chill, we like kids too but it's not for us. And they get pissy and pushy.]

---------

I can only point it out from my perspective, I'm certain there other queer people from the above acronymn community who can present their thoughts on the matter to and what it means to them.

Thanks for the question, good-bi.

[mxadrian779]

I want to take the time today to address something important. I was hoping that I wouldn't need to, that the trend would pass away like all the others. But since it hasn't, it needs to be addressed. Some of you might have heard of an online trend called “super straight.” It’s passed off as a sexual orientation that excludes certain people. To some, it seems harmless and legitimate. At its core, it’s anything but. “Super straight” operates on a discriminatory and bigoted basis. The idea is that a straight person is somehow ~extra~ straight (or some other orientation) because they won’t date a trans person. For example, a man who is interested in women is straight; but he only wants to date ciswomen, not transwomen, so he considers himself “super” straight. There are a few problems with this idea. 1. It’s unnecessary. If you don’t want to date trans people, then don’t. You don’t need a made-up label to defend it. It’s like coming up with some cockamamie label to say you won’t date redheads. Instead of trying to incorporate it into an identity, just...don’t date redheads? 2. It’s harmful. At the heart of the label is a disdain for trans people because it says that only cisgender people are valid as their gender. It says that only cisgender women are women, and that’s wrong. All the label does is attempt to legitimise bigotry (which wasn't really bigotry until they had to make this big thing out of it). No one said you had to date trans people, just as you don't have to date redheads. The only issue is in thinking you need a label to tell everyone that you won't date them. If you respected trans people, you wouldn't call yourself "super straight." That label tells the world that you don't think trans people are who they are, that you don't see transwomen as women and transmen as men, and tells transgender people that your beliefs come first. 3. At best, it’s childish and narcissistic. Pretend for a moment that it doesn’t victimise others. What’s wrong with calling yourself straight? If you’re into the opposite gender, then you’re straight, and that’s all there is to it. Why do you feel that isn’t enough? Orientations don’t come with arbitrary caveats. Do you need a modifier to exclude tomboys from your interest pool? Of course not, because that’s--what? Ridiculous! Absurd! Imagine needing a special word to declare a disinterest in tomboys, instead of simply not dating them! That’s the logical issue with the “super straight” label. I understand that there are still people who are unsure about trans identity and ignorant of trans people. It’s new to you and you feel like it’s being shoved at you and you’re expected to understand it all at once. You feel like you’re being forced to support something you don’t understand and haven’t had time to digest, and you just want to go back to a time before labels, when people were just people. Trans people are people, too. Whatever your opinions about their identities, they’re no less deserving of respect than anyone else. You want to be respected, but that doesn’t have to come at the cost of someone else. Respecting you doesn’t mean disrespecting them, and the “super straight” thing is definitely disrespecting them. “Super straight” is a toxic and immature movement that broadly abuses an entire marginalised community. Date whomever you want, avoid whomever you want. Just please reconsider using a label steeped in bigotry and separatism.

[ardenttheories]

Something gleaminggarmore said pinged hella true so here I am, making another post on Homestuck and gender.

So much of Roxy's character arc works around her being fem and really should have been USED by the writers of HS2 to make her either transfem or fem-aligned nb because she IS coded that way more than anything else. This is a lot of why I think people outright refuse the transmasc Roxy canon while advocating June canon.

However. I can't think of a single character that actually stood out to me as coded transmasc if we get rid of Meat's Roxy. Like. Dave, I guess, if you corrolate some of his abuse under Bro as being forced to "man up". But I don't really think "emotional vulnerability" is an inherently transmasc trait, and like, that detracts away from the importance of showing cis men with emotions in a society that is STILL trying to enforce toxic masculinity on them.

Dirk, maybe? He's the one I'd say is transmasc more than anything, at a push. But now they're writing him as a cis man in HS2. Which is just... swell. Really. I'm not bitter about it at all. /s

And none of the originally female characters feel transmasc to me the way June feels transfem to transwomen. They all FEEL fem to me, unrefutably, and not like even closeted transmen.

Which is why it boggles me that instead of giving us good transmasc rep they took the fem coded character instead and made her masc. Though maybe half the problem is they couldn't find a character the fandom decently cared enough about that was actually CODED transmasc, so they just threw names in a bag and Roxy was the first one out.

So many of the characters were written as cis people BY a cis person, and it desperately shows. Now that they're actually trying to canonise things, they're just... very much doing it wrong. Because you can't just take a cis-coded character and slap on a shiny new gender as if that's what being trans is - and you sure as HELL shouldn't take a fem coded character and make her masc - but there's almost no other way to do it with how Homestuck was written.

Bc again, if we get rid of Roxy, we have... no transmasc rep at all, really. Best we got is Lanque and he's in the fucking game that doesn't seem like it's ever going to drop. The one that isn't even associated with Homestuck's main story.

It's infuriating to see what little rep we have and how it's actually pretty bad rep at that. Like. If you don't care enough to do it right, don't fucking pander to us, bc all it's done is taken transfem rep away from transwomen and fem-aligned enbies and stopped transmen from having actual, genuine representation confirmed in canon.

[monsterfuxxxxer]

When I was young, trans ppl fled the bi community because it was super transphobic. To be fair, all communities were transphobic. Look up lesbian separatists and other anti trans groups of the late 90s, early 2000s. Panphobes are right when they say pan was created to mean cis and trans ppl, but they're wrong about the reason. We created pan to mean cis and trans, to prevent the transphobia from spreading. So that you literally cannot be pan and transphobic at the same time. We have some fetish pans, and some pans who think trans ppl are different genders from cis, which is really bad. But the pan community has always been trans allies.

This response ended up being LONG wow

While I see that you have good intentions, it’s important to point out that no one is immune to transphobia based on identities alone.

I see that you are aware that it’s a problem when pan people draw a line between transmen transwomen and men and women, but you also said that pan was created to include cis and trans people. I want to expand on this because the line of logic here is what people are having a problem with:

I would disagree with “panphobes are right when they say pan was created to include cis and trans people” because bisexuality already did that. We can’t go saying that pansexuality was created to include trans people because that’s the transphobic problem that pan critiquers are pointing out.

The thing that by very very simple definition alone that differentiates pan and bi are the roots of the words, as I explained in the response post. Bisexuality has always included men, women, nb and any genderqueer people. That being said, it makes sense for young people to not know this when looking at definition alone and without knowledge of the bi communities intricacies, to create the pan label to include all genders.

HEAR ME: BI PEOPLE ALWAYS INCLUDED ALL GENDERS, BUT ITS VALID TO HAVE CREATED PAN TO DO THE SAME THING AND ITS VALID TO ID AS EITHER.

To hear more on that, skip to the “I want to draw a line between actual lgbt+ ideas and terf mentality” section

I have a couple things to say before that though:

The mentality that you can id as pan and that means you’re not transphobic is the big issue here. The pan community has to stop spreading this mentality because it isn’t true. Pan people absolutely can be transphobic, as can anyone in any community.

Pan people are being targeted rn because of saying things like “because I’m attracted to men women AND trans people, I am immune to transphobia.” We have to stop letting people believe that transmen and transwomen should be classified differently than men and women, and that being attracted to trans people makes you immune to transphobia.

This exact mentality is why pansexuality is being attacked rn.

We’re wasting time arguing over whether bi or pan is the one true valid identityTM when the truth is theyre both great. The difference between them is either small or nonexistent but matters to some people and that’s fine! They can coexist! It’s wonderful and beautiful! They’re FUNCTIONALLY synonyms but as I said, it’s preference!

What we should be spending time on is spreading info to help people avoid falling into terf mentality.

I want to draw a line between actual lgbt+ ideas and terf mentality.

The bisexual people you knew that excluded trans people? Probably affected by terf mentality.

They were young and unless they came from an lgbt+ positive family, had an education system that taught them about trans identity, or were magically never affected by problematic mainstream ideas, terf mentality probably bled into their ideas.

Pan people that say being attracted to transmen and transwomen makes them different from bi people? Terf mentality.

At some point in everyone’s lives, we were led to believe that transmen and transwomen are different from men and women. We were led to believe that bisexuality mean an attraction to two genders, and that those two genders were the binary of men and women. At some point, we were all led to believe these things and through community support, NOT faceless tumblr attack posts, unlearned them and grew as people.

I believe that it was somewhere in this miscommunication in which pansexuality was created to include genderqueer people that don’t fall into the men/women label. it is mostly young people identifying as pan and it is mostly young people that only have the words they hear and their interpretation of them to give meaning to. Even if they stumble upon the real bi mentality that bi includes all genders, it’s still valid to id with the pan label, or to change and feel more comfortable with the bi label, or the omnisexual label or literally anything it doesn’t matter and it’s harmless and we should support them.

So to the people spreading pan hate: if your goal is to divide the community, keep it up. If your goal is to stop transphobia, there is a more effective less harmful way to do that which also saves you from dividing the lgbt+ community

Spread information about how bisexuality includes all genders too, and the matter of preference between identifying as bi or pan is just preference.

Doing this will stop people in the pan community from getting the idea that “bisexual means two genders” to begin with.

And keep spreading information about transmen and transwomen, what it means to be trans, transphobic people and blogs to avoid, and how to avoid transphobia all together. Share resources that educate people about bisexuality, pansexuality, and the trans identity.

Alright that was probably much longer of an answer than you wanted but if you read all that, thanks!

[thepoetlillies]

I am not an oracle fyi, this is just what I have gathered so far and if I am wrong about anything or say anything insensitive, please correct me and I’ll better myself to be a greater ally, because even though I’m queer/fluid, I don’t know the struggles of being trans/gnc firsthand x

Transwomen are women. Ciswomen are women. Transmen are men. Cismen are men. Nonbinary folk are not men or women.

Yet they are all valid.

Firstly, to define a woman by the biological functions of ciswomen is not only cruel, but a disguised act of transphobia.

Not all ciswomen have wombs. Not all ciswomen menstruate. Not all ciswomen go through the menopause. So already this definition is flawed.

Your gender identity does not rely on these.

The concept that the acknowledgement of transpeople is dangerous to cispeople, specifically ciswomen, is atrocious. Allowing transwomen to use the restroom/changing room that they identify with should be common sense but instead transphobes twist the sick tale that it is dangerous. That transwomen will assault ciswomen in those places, or that men will dress as women to get in there to assault ciswomen. It is cruel to deny basic rights to transpeople just because of the most sick people in society who might abuse it. Transwomen are not a danger to ciswomen. Transmen are not a danger to cismen. Nonbinary folk are not a danger to cispeople.

I also find this argument ridiculous for the fact that it recognises that the problem is not transwomen, but cismen who assault people. So how about instead of discriminating against the trans community, we address the issue of cismen harrassing/assaulting/raping people. That’s the real issue there. Instead of denying transpeople their right to exist and teaching people that it is wrong to be trans/nonbinary, teach people not to rape.

Another argument I have seen claims that the acknowledgment of the trans community and nonbinary community erases the struggles/experiences of ciswomen. This is also not true. We know about women’s suffrage, it is an incredible part of world history and therefore cannot be erased. By allowing transwomen, this does not erase modern struggles/experiences either. I assure you. There are still struggles facing women in this day and age but transwomen will not take that away. They face their own struggles/experiences on account of gender identity, such as this one you have created for them. Ciswomen will still face discrimination on account of their gender, just like transwomen do, so why aren’t we working together to create equality among everyone regardless of gender? Unless that isn’t what these transphobes want.

Moreover, I’ve seen the argument that the acknowledgment of transpeople erases the identity of cispeople. Again, this isn’t the case. Nobody is saying that a ciswoman is not a woman and that a cisman is not a man. Because they are that. But also transwomen are women and transmen are men. They are not a threat to cismen and ciswomen. Because the rights granted to the trans community and nonbinary community are not rights taken away from the cis community. That’s not how it works; it just means that there are more rights. What it does mean however, is that cispeople lose the unfair privilage they have by identifying with their born gender and the world becomes a more equal place because certain people don’t benefit from the discrimination and oppression of other people on account of gender. To say that you don’t accept transgender or nonbinary identities is to say that you want to maintain the privilage you get from their oppression, and therefore do not want gender equality. And that’s not okay, so we will continue to point out your insensitive, discriminatory actions and comments until we reach equality which we deserve.

Additionally, it is not misogynistic to point out these behaviours, i.e the case regarding JK Rowling. It is not misogynistic to argue with one ciswoman for her blatantly discriminatory views. By correcting her, we do not diminish her identity as a woman, for she is one, and we do not criticise on the basis of her gender. We also do not criticise with the intention of discrediting all women, as she does not speak for all women. We criticise on the basis that she is oppressing the gender identity of so many, including so many that previously looked up to her. And it is not misogynistic to do so. Also JK, nobody is saying that sex doesn’t exist, we are simply providing the distinction between sex and gender as they are different, even though your sex and gender are both female. And TERF isn’t a slur by the way so it’s also not misogynistic to say because Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists do not actually fight for equality.

To the trans/gender nonconforming community, you are loved, you are supported, and you are valid !

I think this was pretty much everything I wanted to say, and if you identify as trans or nonbinary and I’ve said something wrong, please correct me because I just want to be the best ally I can for you 💜 !

[jfg22]

The more I read into asexuality. The more I realize I’m asexual af. I’m definitely demisexual and graysexual more specifically. Also hearing my friend’s friend talk about her kinks is like whoa I have never felt more asexual because I’m not interested at all in talking about sex or kinks.

I have spent numerous time in a male strip club thinking I am in no way sexually attractive to men in that setting. Sure they are aesthetically pleasing but I wasn’t thinking I want to get to know any of them better. Yet I’ve been to a female strip club and I’m aroused but also weirded out because I respect women and I don’t know what is the level of inappropriate touching in that setting. In addition, to this I also find some transwomen and transmen beautiful af. In fact, I have made out with a transwomen and I also made out with lesbians. That being said I find certain cis-hetero men and cis-women attractive but....that doesn’t mean I necessarily mean I want to have sex with them. 

And yes I’ve had a boyfriend but I’ve no interest in having one at the moment. I have no interest in having sex with anyone right now. Not even with myself! I need some semblance of bond, attraction etc. I remember having sex with my ex boy-friend and towards the end of the relationship I wasn’t even remotely sexually aroused. I also had a lot of male hookups but I didn’t really care to have a relationship with them because they were kind of assholes.  

I always thought what is wrong with me but maybe I’m just me. Pansexual, asexual hot mess of a person. lol. I tried dating apps and I can’t say that I found myself attracted to many people. I thought maybe they’re cute but that doesn’t mean I wanted to jump the gun and have sex with random people. There was one I liked but he didn’t like me back enough because he ghosted me. The other one was semi-attractive but in the long run I can’t say that I cared to be a relationship with him either. He was just sort of vanilla and boring. I’m fairly certain I can’t be with another white guy again... unless he’s some sort of other race. For the record my ex was Polish American. I always have this hang up of oh god does he like me? Or am I fulfilling some sort of a weird Latina fetish this white guy has? Meaning does he think I’m girlfriend material or he thinks i’m good enough to fuck and that’s it. Maybe I’ve had bad experiences with white American males but you get my point. It’s just psychologically exhausting to deal with that shit. And I don’t want to deal with that again. At least I knew from my ex that he loved me for who I was at the time we were together. I remember he was my friend before I developed feelings for him. 

It should be noted that I’m generally picky as fuck. Meaning I like what I like. I find dark hair attractive and dark eyes. Generally don’t find blue or green eyes attractive in the least bit or blonde or red hair for that matter. Science says you like people genetically similar. I myself have dark hair and eyes by the way. I generally think some Asian men are hot as fuck. Maybe because I hooked up with a Filipino guy who looked like an Asian Joseph Gordon Levitt but shit when my friend said we looked similar I didn’t see it until she pointed it out. Also I spoke to him long enough to be like oh we have things in common this is cool! Again....bonding. Which also explains why my love language is quality time AND physical touching comes second. 

I had a sort of one night stand but I had already been talking to him for awhile before we hooked up. He dumped me but looking back I didn’t like him in the long run because he came back around and I thought he was needier than I was. I’m needy for the record so there can only be room for one needy-ish in a relationship! In my defense after therapy I am not as needy as before....I can’t say this with certainty for the mere fact that I haven’t been in a serious relationship in a long ass time. Like I don’t even know how long ago that was... maybe 10 years ago? smeh.

As I look back I can’t say I’m into hooking up either. Yes I had a few guys I found sexually attractive but this was only after we bonded on some level. So before you go on thinking I’m a slut or weird....know that I can count all the men I’ve slept with on one hand. Also the idea of dating 2 people at the same time is kind of repulsive to me for some reason. I’m not ruling it out or judging people who do but it’s not my style for sure.

In terms of sexual attraction things I find attractive are arbitrary. Yes I find dark hair and dark eyes attractive, but that doesn’t mean I can’t like a guy with hazel eyes. My ex had hazel eyes and light brown hair btw. Also I know I say I like tall guys but I’ve had sex with guys who are shorter and in no way doesn’t that mean I rule out anyone below 6 feet tall. As long as they are an inch taller than me I’m ok with that. And here is where it gets arbitrary as fuck. I have made out with lesbians who have dark hair and fair skin but I made out with a black trans women. Again I’m not ruling gender expression out. I definitely not interested in dating apps of any kind. I noticed I’m more productive when I’m not in a relationship.

Also I am not interested in getting married or having kids. I know women my age are either dying to get married or are married with kids. I can’t say I’m the type of person that was planning their wedding dress since I was a little girl. Definitely not ruling it out the possibility but, I’m not in a rush to get married by a certain age. In fact, I’d be happy just finding someone who isn’t an asshole and treats me right. It’s funny one of cis-hetero female friends asks me if I”m every having kids and my answer has always been the same. Maybe I haven’t met the right person, but I honestly can’t say I have my biological clock ticking telling me to have a child anytime soon. The idea of having one is daunting af. As a survivor of sexual abuse, all the racist and transphobic/homophobic shit that’s been going on my entire life I can honestly say I think it’s rather sadistic to bring a child into this world. Not to mention the fact that global warming will fuck up the planet and I’m not sure if that’s going to be reversible but rather just extend our quality of life for a few years. People are assholes. I’ve been hurt many times. I’m sure I’ve hurt people too not even meaning to. I have no desire to bring a child into this hell hole we call a planet. 

On a more positive note, I’m perfectly happy being single. When I think of the future potential relationship. I want someone to love me unconditionally. Someone kind, open minded, tolerant of my LGBTQ friends/family, (I can’t be dating no transphobes or homophobes, the only phobia permitted is germophobia!) generous to others (not just myself), thoughtful, humble, attractive by my standards. Mostly someone who will be there for me till one of us dies. Someone who sticks around even when life gets hard. Tall, dark hair, dark eyes. And I know for a fact I can get that. It’s not even the law of attraction it’s just a certainty that I know within myself that I will be with someone of a different ethnic race than mine. I’d also like to have 2 cats and a cute little puppy. Preferably one that looks like a little fuzzy brown stuffed bear. I’d like to have a cute cozy house. I don’t desire a mansion. I need someone who isn’t going to be a little pretentious fuck and is okay with not having the most expensive bullshit because in the long run that doesn’t matter. I know I am a writer and I can live off that eventually. I just need to buckle down and finish my shit which is taking longer than anticipated. I procrastinate writing several things (like this post.hehe) but also I like reading things to make me a better writer. That being said maybe I’m not as weird as I thought I’m just fantastically pansexual, asexual, unique af. Happy Pride month y’all! 

To my LGBT friends and people reading this, I love you and desire that one day we can live in a world where you no longer have to fear for your safety and people will love and respect you for who you are regardless of how you identify or who you are attracted to. I have faith that the younger generation will be more tolerant than past generations. I hope to instill that in my nieces. I remember I used to have a shirt that said “Labels are for jars and you are not a jar.” I don’t remember what happened to it but I can honestly say that always stuck with me. 

Today is my best friends birthday and 8 days ago it was my cousin’s birthday and I can honestly say that I have loved them regardless of what anyone says about them. And I will stand up proudly for them if anyone starts saying transphobic/homophobic shit. I will love them and respect them until the day I die. (Hopefully that won’t be anytime soon). I am blessed to have them both in my life and teach me to be more mindful of what is going on in the world. And an overall better human being. I take the life lessons they teach me with me for the rest of my life and hope that I can be of somewhat comfort to them in knowing that regardless of what happens to us they will never lose that love, appreciation and respect I have for them. 

[uppityamy]

PSA: You will die

Alright, I recently talked about sex dimorphism in humans and that received a LOT of angry hate anons.

What is scaring the hell out of me is- a lot of trans people are messaging me saying that men and women don’t actually need separate safety equipment. (I’m a biker, so I’m talking about gear like helmets, chest protectors, back braces, etc)

*inhale* YES WE FUCKING DO??? ARE YOU INSANE????????!!!?!???

This is a PSA for trans people- and no, I’m not being antagonist here. I’m legitimately trying to help you, this advice could save your life.

You need to know what safety equipment to buy. At any stage of your transition you are still going to need a specific shape of saftey equipment, because your skeleton is betraying you. Some of this advice might trigger gender dysphoria, and I know it is a sensitive subject, but bare with me here.

Transwomen:

Ok, first thing you need to know: you need a helmet designed for men. This is the most important piece of equipment you will wear. I know, and I am sorry, but unless you have received surgery to change your SKULL SHAPE, you need a male helmet. Women’s helmets are pretty- but they have padding in the wrong places and you can suffer serious damage from wearing the wrong helmet when you fall off your bike- or whatever you are riding at the time.

Next, is the chest guard. Even if you now have breasts- DO NOT buy a female chest guard. Again, your skeleton is going to betray you and your ribs are going to break. If you have breasts buy a unisex chest guard. If you do not have breasts buy a male chest guard- a unisex one “works” but is not as effective. These are your ribs we are talking about. Trust me when I say broken ribs hurt like a bitch.

Buy a male back brace/armor. Seriously. I’m not fucking around here. Please don’t risk your spine. And please buy a male armored jacket- you do not want to slide around in the wrong jacket. Your skin and flesh meat is delicate.

Transmen:

I am going to be upfront: you are going to have a hard time finding equipment that isn’t pink. Seriously. The industry is in shambles. But please don’t buy the wrong equipment because you can’t find a neutral color. Please.

First of all: DO NOT WEAR A BINDER WHILE BIKING!!!! NO BINDER!!! PLEASE!!! I know “sports binders” are out there- but when you fall off your bike at 25+ miles an hour you do not want any extra pressure exerted on your rib cage. No one will see your breasts under your rad leather jacket, trust me.

Helmet. Again, unless you have modified your skull shape, you will need a female helmet. You need that extra padding. Don’t make me beg.

Chest armor. If you don’t have breasts you can wear a unisex binder. If you have breasts you might be able to get away with wearing unisex armor- but if you share my curse of large breasts, unisex armor is going to FUCKING hurt. Do not wear male armor- again, your skeleton is a traitor. I have done it, and it hurts like a bitch to fall in male armor.

Wear a female back brace/armor. Don’t risk your spine. With jackets- do not wear a male armored jacket. If you put on a male jacket, you will notice that it is baggy, ill-fitting, doesn’t completely cover your back/wrists, and the armor is in the wrong places. Again, it’s your skeleton betraying you here. Buy a jacket which covers you completely and fits snug. You will probably have to buy a female jacket. No one will notice the difference.

YOU WILL DIE:

If you get into a collision in the wrong armor you will die or be seriously injured.

Transwomen, the only thing that will give you are hard time is if you have breasts. Finding the right unisex armor will be a challange, but please buy the right armor.

Transmen, you are going to have the hardest fucking time finding equipment to suit your body. Not just because it’s all pink, but because the armor designed for your body is in short supply. That’s not an excuse to wear the wrong armor- please don’t hurt yourself. And again, DONT WEAR A BINDER. please.

I am not being antagonist or transphobic here. Sex dimorphism is a serious problem that you are facing, but you need to accept it and accommodate for it if you want to not have cracked ribs, a broken spine, and a concussion.

Please be safe. I don’t want you to die because of you gender dysphoria.

[bi-kisses]

Sorry for the follow up: Do I understand that right? You're saying here that sexuality is entirely dependent on perception - which can be fooled - and not the actual biological reality? Or altered biological reality that someone "can be okay with" , for example like you said, someone thinking a passing transwoman is female/ past doesn't matter. Sorry if I come across rude but it sits wrong with me because that suggest a lesbian can become attracted to a male when superficial changes are made

Okay another follow-up. Sorry I won't bother anymore then: When speaking explicitly about post-op you agree then, that it is impossible for a lesbian to be attracted to a post-hormone, pre-op transwoman and vise versa for gay men with pre-op transmen who have been on HRT? Or do you also think there are some people who are fine with it? Like a subjective border when someone considers someone either male or female and it changes their attraction accordingly?

---

the problem here is you don't seem willing to see that sexuality IS based on perception. We make assumptions of people we are attracted to in general. We decide whether or not we find them visually appealing based on "superficial" traits. There isn't some deeper, romanticized, immutable form of spiritual connection between people of the same or opposite sex, we are visual creatures who judge others based on what we see of them.

the "biological reality" is a strange sentiment. Have you had your chromosomes checked? neither have I. There's a non zero chance one of us is not 100% female. That could be our biological reality, and yet I wouldn't begrudge a straight man who saw me as an attractive (?) female. Trans women are similar in that their bodies reflect physical attributes that our minds associate with male or female. Your sexuality can be "fooled", as you put it, because it's neurological and not simply a "well what is your geneological makeup" affair.

A lesbian COULD be attracted to a man, given she perceives him as female, even if mistaken. What follows thereafter is, when she learns said man possesses male physical attributes, she continues feeling attracted.

My opinion is that pre op trans people will likely have to understand they're most likely to attract bisexuals as opposed to monosexuals because of their attributes. Some people don't like that because it's invalidating, but that's how it often is. Lesbians just do not like penis, nor PIV sex. A post op trans woman with a neo vagina that looks and functions similarly enough to a natal vagina to "fool" people's sexuality can attract lesbians and straight men without their sexuality being fundamentally changed. That may be uncomfortable, I get that, especially if you're viewing it from the perspective of trans women being immutably male. I think there's something unreasonable about pinning that belief on others who don't share your perspective though, nor is it your place to tell whether or not their sexuality is altered by their attraction to a passing, post op trans person.

As for your question about pre transition, I don't really think it makes sense to be attracted to someone's "gender" when they haven't changed their appearance to match. I do agree gay men and lesbians are not homosexual if a non passing trans man/woman appeals to them. That being said, yes, the line IS subjective because sexuality DOES rely on perception. It's uncomfortable to think that! But it's how our brains work.

I hope that somewhat makes sense.