#i’m not valid i just like pretty men being awful | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bohemian-nights · 9 months ago

Note

Is this a safe space to say that I don't care about Polin in S3? Colin is such a boring 1 dimensional character that easily gets overshadowed by Anthony and especially Benedict, and Penelope is just a whiny brat who just wants male validation and is jealous of Eloise. Also to act like she never said anything about the Brdgertons is a lie cause she had no problem talking about Daphne, had it not have been for her crush on Colin she would've gone on a jealous rant about his entire family. I know Polin is attractive to some people because of the representation of larger body types and the childhood friends to lovers trope but it's just boring. I can't name 1 intreseting thing about Colin other than he took a vacation and had psychedelic tea and Pen is not as progressive as she thinks she is she's just jealous and bitter. Also how is it that she's such an amazing writer that can communicate in so much detail but can't even communicate to Eloise when Eloise doesn't understand her perspective? She's quick to lash out at her as if Eloise is doing it on purpose, Eloise is not dumb and she has respect it's not like she insults women who want/desire love so there was no reason for Penelope to play victim.

This is totally a safe space because while I don't hate them I don’t particularly care for Polin either.

In the books it’s a bit better because Penelope isn’t as much of a snake), but she isn’t my fave by a long shot.

Penelope on the show is straight-up awful. She started pretty sympathetic, but then the Marina situation happened and that turned me completely off of her character. So by the time she had her falling out with Eloise(who did nothing wrong and has every right to be angry with her), I was already checked out.

Yes, she’s not very popular with the ton.* Yes not being seen sucks. Yes her mother is kind of mean to her and forces her to wear the most hideous outfits which is probably a turn-off for most men. Yes she wants Collin and he doesn’t want her and that sucks, but that’s no excuse for her actions.

Honestly, Penelope is half a step away from being a whole stalker and yet we are supposed to see ourselves in her or at least sympathize with her🫠

(I’m not going to get into her being bullied by Cressida since she’s nasty to everyone).

It’s kind of obvious though that Shonda sees herself in her which is why Penelope is promoted so much and given the angle she has been, but she’s a weirdo with insecurity issues.

To be honest, I thought she should’ve gotten a redemption arc before her season(she’s not unredeemable, she just needs to clean up her act), but it is what it is.

Now Collin both in the show and the books is incredibly dull to me. Yes, he has his traveling(and spoilers, his writing about his travels), but he’s just kind of there. He is just the third Bridgerton bro and while Luke Newton is attractive I feel nothing when I look at him playing Colin.

That cheesy promo they had the other day did nothing for me(well I did laugh, but I don’t think that’s the intended reaction). I don’t know what to say other than he’s just meh. To me, he’s not leading man material and I’m not seeing the chemistry with Penelope/her actress, but again it is what it is.

As far as representation goes, I’m not a plus-sized woman, but I know that it is important to see yourself and to want to see yourself represented on screen.

I think that’s the essence of Bridgerton/what it is trying to accomplish because let’s be honest period dramas are not very diverse. I think that Bridgerton has kind of changed that to a degree.

I don’t want to hype up the show too much cause it’s not perfect, but without this shows success I don’t think that films and shows like Tom Jones, Interview With the Vampire, The Confessions of Frannie Langton, Mr. Malcom’s List, The Buccaneers, and now The Davenports (which I’m excited for) would’ve been nesscary green-lit or the plot would’ve been changed to make it more diverse if not for Bridgerton.

I hate bringing this up, but I don’t even know if the dumbass showrunners of HOTD would’ve made the Velaryons Black if not for them looking at how successful Bridgerton is without understanding that the reason why it's successful is that they don't treat their Black characters like they leftovers. It’s about respect not just having people there to pat yourselves on the back and say look how progressive we are, but I digress.

I mean representation in terms of body type is not comparable to representation in terms of race, but it feels good when characters who look like you aren't shown in the worst light, when they are the main character, or when they have been given actual characterization and aren't made into a joke.

So I get why people love Penelope and Polin and understand why they are looking forward to their season, but personally, they just aren't my cup of tea.

That all being said, I’m still going to watch the season cause I love Bridgerton, I’m kind of hoping we’ll see Sophie this season

(Praying that she's Masali Baduza or just any Black actress 🙏🏽I’m not picky, as long as Sophie's actress is Black, you won’t see me complaining).

I’ll end this by saying that I’m a Benophie girl and while I’ve made peace with the fact that Polin got the lead instead(and I’m actually low-key glad they did), I don’t think this is going to blow my socks off, but I hope it gives the people who have been waiting for it everything they want.

#bnasks #bnask

6 notes · View notes

call-me-double-trouble · 2 years ago

Text

I keep seeing bad takes and negativity about DT, and I have no desire to start beef with people or draw attention to individuals*, but seeing criticisms that are just so awful and lacking in nuance irritates me, so instead, I’m going to start combating it with DT positivity! Keep in mind, I’m not talking about criticisms that are valid, I’m talking about the silly stuff that’s clearly just someone trying to take the moral high ground just because they happen to dislike a character and you’re not allowed to just dislike things anymore, apparently. *(No, I will not be naming names, please don’t seek out or bully anyone. Let’s just celebrate why we love this character and ignore those who can’t enjoy them for one reason or another).

This will be a long post (an essay, it’s a freaking essay) because I want to go in-depth and explain my viewpoints. I’m not going to chastise someone for lack of nuance without practicing it myself.

Today, I will discuss why I think DT is good non-binary representation (not PERFECT, no rep is without flaw—things are allowed to be complicated). Keep in mind also that I am not non-binary myself, but I’m no stranger to the identity, and although I can’t speak on behalf of the community, I’ve seen some of the arguments for and against DT by enbies, and I think I can still add to this conversation.

I see two main arguments pop up most often. One is that since DT is a morally gray criminal that worked for the antagonists, they’re making enbies look like villains. In my opinion, this argument is pretty weak because it hinges on the idea that because one enby character wasn’t a perfect angel, this means all enbies are evil and bad. It stereotypes heavily and is a bad way of thinking—you should never judge a community based on how one person or character acts. I know that some works of fiction, especially in the past, have done this to uphold the discriminatory values of the time, but SPOP was made by queer people, for queer people. Clearly they weren’t trying to stereotype enbies as bad. DT is just an enby who happens to do bad things. Characters should have flaws, and that goes for queer and trans characters, too. It’s okay if you’d prefer an enby character to be firmly on the side of good—everyone has preferences! But DT not fitting yours doesn’t make them inherently bad rep.

The other argument is that since DT is inhuman, it portrays enbies as “other” or insinuates that DT is an enby BECAUSE they’re inhuman and/or a shapeshifter. This argument is stronger than the first, and I totally understand the need for human enby characters (we just need more enbies in fiction, period—more variation means more people sees themselves and less get mad over a character not fitting their exact experience). However, DT is far from the ONLY inhuman character in SPOP (they’re not even the only reptile), and the other inhuman characters of prominence aren’t non-binary, so there’s no link between gender and being inhuman in this world. There’s also no way of telling why DT identifies as non-binary. We have no idea if their shapeshifting played any part in that, either to them or those in charge of designing the character. I don’t think it’s ever implied that it did, especially because their choice to play characters who are men or women doesn’t impact their gender identity, but this point is more up to speculation.

I’d also like to add that plenty of enbies DO identify with inhuman characters. Some people (self included) would rather be an inhuman creature than a boring old human, and DT’s design is SO fun—especially the sideways blink and those adorable ears! (Side tangent, DT was made reptilian to resemble a chameleon because, y’know, shapeshifter. You can also see the influence from their original design. The original DT wore all green and had a long ponytail that, in some depictions, went down to their feet much like current DT’s actual tail).

With those arguments aside, let’s get into what makes DT so great (in my opinion)!

For starters, I’ve seen so many people say that seeing DT made them realize that they themselves were non-binary or validated their gender identity, and I think that’s a beautiful thing! DT may piss off some enbies, but they’re very important to others, and that shouldn’t be taken away just because they’re not everyone’s cup of tea. Obviously not everyone is going to relate to them, but once again, that’s why we just need more rep in general.

Secondly, DT helped people practice using they/them pronouns. I can attest to this myself! At the time, I didn’t have any friends who were non-binary, so I didn’t have a habit of using they/them pronouns except when someone’s gender was unknown. Of course, I supported enbies and their preferred pronouns, but slip-ups happen before you get used to thinking of someone as they/them, even if you’re supportive and accepting. DT, being fictional, is a great way to practice using them to get better at adjusting when you eventually do meet an enby. Not only does it sound completely natural to say, but you also get used to correcting mistakes when you make them. It gave me an immediate, “Wait, no, that’s the wrong pronoun, it’s they,” which came in handy when one of my friends wanted to explore their gender and experiment with they/them pronouns. I know some enbies may be rolling their eyes at this, but for allies, it’s important to build these habits to avoid misgendering someone, especially when you knew them by different pronouns previously. DT also gave me and others practice on correcting someone who made a mistake without making it sound like we were accusing them of doing it on purpose. DT, and other fictional enbies for that matter, are just great in general for getting people and kids used to enbies and the use of they/them pronouns.

Third, DT’s AGAB is a mystery! You can make arguments one way or another (voice points one way, original character and pronouns on storyboard point another), but we can never say for sure because they’re a shapeshifter! Is that their real voice? Who knows! Is that their exact appearance? Who’s to say! What’s in their pants? Anything they want, they’re a shapeshifter! They’re so wonderfully androgynous, too—A+ design. And on that note, I’ve also seen people happy that DT is an enby with LONG hair, since most enby characters have short hair, and it added some much needed variety. Honestly, DT is the epitome of “Everyone finds me hot and that makes everyone gay.” Gay men like them, lesbians like them—hell, even ACES like them! (Side note, my praise of their androgyny is not to put other enbies down, as enbies can look however they want, and that’s very cool and sexy of them. Real enbies don’t have to be androgynous, and not all fictitious enbies need to be, either. But I’ve read that when portraying trans and genderqueer people, especially as an ally, that it’s best not to describe or identify features that may point to an AGAB—even if it is known—as that can be considered disrespectful to their identity and may make real trans and non-binary people feel self-conscious about those traits. It’s a complicated issue, and there are right and wrong ways to go about it when portraying trans characters.)

Fourth, DT is never misgendered by any of the characters—not even by Shadow Weaver! Everyone is shown to treat being non-binary like it’s normal (because it is) and worthy of respect, just like any other gender. I also saw someone say that it shows kids that even if someone is your enemy or you don’t like them, you should still use their preferred pronouns, because you don’t have the right to misgender someone to hurt them.

Fifth, DT is a complex character. They’re not one-note, they’re a person who has their own motivations and drive, their own passions, interesting interactions with other characters that bring out more from the others, good humor, and a complicated relationship with good and bad and the ability to do both (sometimes even simultaneously). DT isn’t a good person, but they’re not entirely a bad one, either. They’re complicated. Their motivation isn’t to do bad things, it’s just to survive, get paid, and cause chaos while doing that. I can go more in-depth in another post, but the point is, they’re interesting, they have depth, and they’re well-written.

Sixth, they’re extremely plot-relevant. They’re very important and impactful to the story. Hardly anything in the fourth season would have been accomplished without them! They kept tension high and raised the stakes, making the story that much more compelling to the audience. Before I got my friends to watch SPOP, I wanted to tell them all about my favorite character, Double Trouble, but couldn’t find a single spoiler-free clip to show them! Seriously, try to find one. I’ll wait. Maybe their introduction, but even then, you’d be taking away the grand reveal that the suave-Scorpia wasn’t Scorpia at all, and it’s more fun to let that be a surprise. They had such a prominent role and have garnered so many fans, and that’s especially wonderful for a non-binary character. They weren’t a background character offhandedly mentioned to be non-binary, they were an important character that stole the show every time they were on screen.

Basically, Double Trouble is just a wonderful, complex character who had a positive impact on lots of enbies and allies. Not everyone likes them, and not everyone has to, but there’s nothing wrong with liking or identifying with them, and they shouldn’t be labeled as inherently bad rep when their existence did so much good for so many viewers. They don’t have to represent everyone to be good rep, and they certainly don’t, but those they DO represent shouldn’t be made to feel as if they’re betraying the non-binary community.

#double trouble #spop double trouble #she ra double trouble #long post #spop #my thoughts #mine

15 notes · View notes

idontlikerattlesnakes · 2 years ago

Text

In defense of drag:

Drag is an incredibly important art form, as are all subversive forms of expression. However, this is especially important to a historically marginalized community of which I am a part, and I will not stand silently by as it is needlessly targeted and regulated by fear-based ideology.

Dolly Parton is Drag. Liberace, Eddie Izzard, Freddie Mercury, Elton John, Harry Styles and soooo many other cultural icons have played with society’s boundaries of gender expression with impunity due to some other asset they’ve offered or privilege they’ve been afforded.

Your local drag performer is no different. Neither is the 12 year old who secretly plays dress up with their sister’s clothes, or longs to express themselves in their own unique way. Their freedom to follow that impulse is just as important to the culture at large. The damage that is done by sending a message that their self-expression is harmful, unwelcome or indecent is far greater than attending a drag story time or being exposed to the art form in mainstream culture.

I’ll admit that I was once turned off by drag because of the discomfort it espoused. It was initially unsettling seeing men subvert the societal box imposed upon them. It seemed dirty and vulgar, and I wanted nothing to do with it. It evoked the shameful feelings of internalized homophobia that I felt as a child when I overheard my parents being chastised for letting me play with dolls or take ballet.

The very sight of it made the toxic masculinity that had been insidiously pressed upon me my entire life bubble up from my gut in a suffocating pall. I’m not ashamed to admit that I once felt that way so others who still feel that discomfort know that it’s okay to feel it at first - that’s sort of the point.

I’m eternally grateful that I had a dear friend basically force me to watch RuPaul’s Drag Race from the beginning, and to say it changed my life is an understatement.

It enriched it.

Becoming a patron of drag not only broadened my worldview but also enhanced my sense of humor, beauty, and whimsy. There is nothing like the awe-inspiring experience of seeing an exquisite drag performer like Violet Chachki up close and personal, or literally rolling on the floor in uncontrollable laughter from the brilliant comedic offerings of Jinkx Monsoon or Bianca Del Rio.

Drag fearlessly and fabulously plays with the foibles of this unruly thing we call society. In the words of the infinitely wise RuPaul Charles, it engages the “tenacity of the human spirit”.

I’m no longer ashamed to admit that I was that 12 yr old boy who made dresses out of blankets and strutted the imaginary runway in his bedroom. There was absolutely nothing sexual or pathological or perverted about it - it was innocent and pure self-expression. It’s also important to note that these harmless impulses arose naturally, not due to any exposure. It wasn’t until much later that I learned about the drag community. How much easier my adolescent years would have been if I could have seen society validate that, even in the smallest way. I no longer find it dirty or twisted or wrong.

All I can see now is courage and truth.

For those of you traditionalists who are still clutching your theoretical pearls I will leave you with this - I simply do not enjoy or connect with the great American sport of football.

I’ve given it the ole’ college try! I’ve gone to games, had friends and family members explain it, even tried to follow fantasy leagues and betting pools in order to understand the appeal.

After thorough investigation, I can pretty confidently say that it’s just not my bag. However, I can’t stop the fact that football is simply everywhere. It’s on TV when I go out to eat, it’s the daily conversation topic of my co-workers, it’s the event that completely took over my city a few weeks ago.

I can still acknowledge and respect how important it is to some people, not to mention the Herculean athletic stamina and strategy required by its players.

That said, if I were in some alternate universe where legislation was introduced to regulate the right to have tailgate parties, middle and high school football teams, and /or publicly celebrate this fundamentally American sport, I would be in full support of appealing it. I would fight for the existence of something that is important to a large swath of society—even if I cannot understand or connect to it.

To put it simply:

**YOU DON’T HAVE TO ENJOY OR ENGAGE WITH DRAG TO SUPPORT IT**

However, denying others the right to do so or attempting to eradicate/control it in public spaces sends a very scary and pointed message to people like yours truly. It also denies the simple fact that our society is a rich tapestry made up of many vastly different interests, tastes, and communities.

These things simply MUST be allowed to be expressed freely, otherwise we start toward a very slippery slope of a society where maybe something that you love and cherish will one day be deemed unfit for the mainstream culture.

I implore you to keep an open mind, and listen to those who are speaking up about this.

We are good, we are valid, we are important. So much of the culture you enjoy originated in queer/marginalized communities. Please allow us our freedom to keep creating - I can assure you that you would not like to live in a world without it.

9 notes · View notes

saetoru · 2 years ago

Note

I'm white and I agree with you. I'm tired of how my people act too.

Same goes for hating men, men have done atrocious things to women and other men for that matter and me saying I hate men won't change anything, won't hurt the men. Moreover I get attacked by men and misogynistic women cause "it's not all men "

Whatever, your suffering is valid and I say complain more, be more hateful just to spite them

yes this is a good example. i think the men example is the easiest one to use for white women specifically bc it’s something they can relate to so it helps them understand the view better but—think of it as saying “i hate men.” most women say that, and it’s a pretty normal thing to say. you’re not sexist for saying i hate men bc u might be attracted to them, and if ur attracted to men u obviously don’t hate hate them. but u hate the way they’ve framed society and left u at a disadvantage. u hate the way they’ve continuously made ur life difficult thru a system that can’t be broken over night. u hate that u feel unsafe in a lot of situations where u should not feel unsafe for simply existing as who u are. that is the essence of being a poc too an extent but obviously there’s more to it. when poc ppl say that “we hate white ppl” or “white ppl suck” they’re not actually saying that white ppl are trash beings that are undeserving of anything good. we obviously don’t think u don’t deserve to be treated as a human bc we know what that’s like. it’s simply something that ppl say from frustration after centuries of being oppressed and fighting a system that keeps white people at an advantage. if you cannot empathize with poc and their struggles enough to acknowledge that okay, maybe they can say white ppl suck here and there, then i’m sorry but ur very out of touch with the realities we face and the privilege you have. obviously not all men are awful and some of them treat women very well. and likewise, not all white people are racist and some genuinely care about poc and their issues. the generalized statements about men and white ppl are targeted more towards the impact they’ve had on the respective groups they’ve harmed rather than you as a person, so you rly don’t have to be so hurt and jump at poc when they say things like that bc i guarantee u that being called a mayo packet is wayyyy better than the nasty slurs poc have been hearing for ages. it just rly shows how educated and empathetic u are to poc and their struggles by ur reaction alone to “white ppl suck” and i implore you to rly look more into the difference between your life as a white person and that of a poc

#asks!

7 notes · View notes

papirouge · 1 year ago

Note

I’m from the us and I wonder if some of these more hardcore trad girls who wish we all lived in the 40s and 50s are aware that their idolization of 50s housewives is based on fake ads. So many women back then were either on drugs given to them by their doctor or hid their true feelings out of fear from their husbands because husbands back then were able to throw their wives into psychiatric hospitals for lobotomies if they had a mental breakdown over their lives or anything. Some girls were lobotomized just for being more free spirited and less like a “lady” and their families sent them to those hospitals. My grandma who lived through that time worked as a nurse had a lot of sad stories of meeting women who were trapped in abusive marriages, having kids they didn’t want and since postpartum depression wasn’t understood well, the “therapy” offered was electroshocks to the head or something else. And they knew that they would be thrown into mental hospitals and kept there until the doctor claimed those women were “cured” - there are other things I remember talking to grandma about before she passed, and while I like some of the aesthetics of trad living, there’s a lot of ignorance from young girls who don’t know the reality of what a lot of women had gone through back then :/ it’s not just sitting in a kitchen eating aprons and baking cake all day.

Well, I have nothing to add because you pretty much said it all, but overall I'm SICK of revisionist vision about womanhood and how women have been treated in recent History

You nailed it about 50s/60s housewives, but tbh I'm still seething about how some radfem try to rehabilitate 00s icon as some martyr of modern pop culture when they have done objectively awful things and that the way they've been treated by media can't solely be inputted on misogyny

Paris Hilton? the woman who infamously said lesbians were disgusting on tape and has an obsessive hate boner against Black men (there's this story floating about her saying she and Vin Diesel hooked up in a club and when she realized how 'dark' he was on more natural lights, dumped him💀)?

I wouldn't be surprised radfem would still defend her though, saying shit like "sHe wAs so YouNg" .....when homegirl was already in her 20s and that being young isn't an excuse for homophobia or racism 💀 Paris Hilton was quite awful in her peak (mid-late 00s) and she being antagonized by media was quite understandable actually. It was literally her brand. Zoomers who barely lived in that era have no idea of what they're talking about.

Her PR machine went OFF with that documentary about her abuse in that rich kids school and did an excellent job glossing over the many shady shit she did afterwards under the "disturbed rich girl" shtick....

I have second hand embarrassment watching (lesbian) radfem who bought into it and jumped on the rehabilitation bandwagon....

And TBH /unpopular opinion/ but I feel the same about Britney. Homegirl went off the rails after her In the Zone album, and as shady her family was, there was solid ground in putting her under tutorship (her erratic behavior, marrying that paparazzi guys, shaving her head, then assaulting journalists.... Regardless her -understandable- reasons for behaving like this (mental illness, mind control, etc.) those were valid ground to put under legal check, and I'm sick of people acting that there were some sort of mediatic conspiracy against Britney to make her fall out... Media harassment was just the nail on the coffin - she being overworked and controlled all her life was the main reason for her snapping like she did.

And don't get me started about Amber Heard stans acting like anyone supporting Johnny Depp has been brainwashed WHEN JOHNNY DEPP IS A LITERAL HOLLYWOOD ACTOR WHOSE STARDOM/FAME PREDATES THE INTERNET CONTAGION EFFECT PARTISANSHIP. If anything the general public supporting him instead of Amber is the organic status quo, and the only 'internet brainwashing ' was those viral tweet/Tiktok seeking to "expose" Depp and rally people to Heard's cause, which is a tactic that even Heard applaud , see :

You see TikTok defending Depp so you start being on his side? "YOu'vE beEn bRainWashEd"

You see Tiktok defending Heard so you start being in her side? "THats sO rEasDurIng to rEad #thetideisturning"

I just loathe how flipflopping these people are when it comes to interpret turn of events depending whether it fits their bias or not.

Also people need to stop expecting another #freebritney moment whenever they think a woman gets unfairly treated by the media. Britney was America's sweetheart. No other female celebrity comes close to the impact and influence she got on a whole generation of girls, who later on became publicist, journalists, blogger, etc. and held enough mediatic leverage to make that movement happen. That's not going to happen for Heard who, beside wifing Johnny Depp, is a literal "who", and is nowhere near having the endearing aura of Britney (doesn't Heard have the reputation of behaving poorly with people? She spat on her assistant face when she complained about some stuff💀)

#answered

2 notes · View notes

thecelestexzhao · 2 years ago

Photo

Welcome to Aurora Bay, [CELESTE ZHAO]! I couldn’t help but notice you look an awful lot like [NATASHA LIU BORDIZZO]. You must be the [TWENTY-EIGHT] year old [BARTENDER AT THE REEF BAR]. Word is you’re [RESILIENT] but can also be a bit [DISTRUSTING] and your favorite song is [RETROGRADE BY MAGGIE ROGERS]. I also heard you’ll be staying in [OCEAN CREST APARTMENTS]. I’m sure you’ll love it!

Celeste was raised by her single mother, jumping around from crappy apartments and motels for as long as she could remember. Her entire life she’d only been told one thing about her father: that the man had cheated on her mother and had abandoned them when Celeste was only a few weeks old. And with that being the main focal point of Cel’s relationship with men, she grew up not really trusting them, her mother’s bitter voice always ringing in her head: giving your heart away will always lead to heartache.

And her mother’s bitterness definitely helped form the type of person Celeste had turned out to be. As a child she had been sweet, had been one of the friendliest girls in school and always willing to help someone with their homework or give a hand in studying, but sometimes that kindness was used against her, people taking using it to their advantage and making her outright do assignments for her) but as someone who grew up being told she’d been given up, Celeste was willing to take any sort of ‘friendship’ or validation, willing to be a people pleaser if it meant having people in her life.

Especially since her life back home wasn’t exactly as pleasing.

Her mother had turned resentful at losing her husband and her life ending up going nowhere, and at times she even put the blame for it all on Celeste, saying she was to blame for her father leaving them since she’d never been a planned pregnancy. Her mother oftentimes would be drunk at night, passed out on the couch, or wouldn’t come home at night at all. Celeste never got absolute confirmation, but one could put two and two together as to why her mother would come home after a day or two with wads of cash. So whenever she was at home, Cel stayed in her room, turning to books and writing and art as her comfort. Soon enough she had a canvas in the corner of her room, paintings strewn throughout. She’d never be caught without a sketchpad, or without paint stains on her clothes. It was an escape and something that she was truly good at and was hers. But with the way her mother was, and how fake the ‘friendships’ she’d has was, Cel herself had started to turn more cynical. More closed off and bitter. She couldn’t truly trust anyone, and sure as hell couldn’t depend on anyone, so as Celeste got older, she got more closed off, which is how she still is now. Never let them close enough to have the chance to hurt you.

But despite her home life (or lack thereof) Celeste did pretty well in school, graduating high school with decent grades. She couldn’t afford college though--hell, they could barely afford to keep a roof over their heads. So instead of going to school, Cel just started taking odd jobs once they’d settled into a little town in Chicago, bartending and waitressing, anything that could pay the bills. Life went on like that for years until finally now, Celeste has had enough. She wants to start actually living her life for herself. So much so that she quit her job in Chicago, gathered up what little money she had and finally left home, and her mother, behind. Wanting to go somewhere completely new, she flew across the country to California, and arrived in Aurora Bay, quickly getting herself a job as a bartender (since it’s what she’s good at) and getting herself her own little apartment, ready to start fresh--because after all, where better to go to start your life over again than paradise?

extras:

birthday- september 26th

nicknames- cel, celly

she often writes or paints at night as the house was quiet then growing up. big moon lover because of it

is fluent in mandarin along with english

big believer in crystals and the properties they wield

aesthetics: scribbled notes on napkins, worn-in converse, moonlight reflected on the water, sleepless nights lit by candlelight, red wine splatters on hardwood, hair picked up by a pen, crystals hidden in pockets

connections

pinboard

appearance:

long dark hair almost always picked up

height: 5′5

eyes: dark brown

usually wearing older clothes (jeans, converse, plaid shirts over tank tops)

she wears glasses to read or when writing or painting.

@aurorabayaesthetic

#aurorabay.intro #bio

4 notes · View notes

affectiondeficitdisorder · 1 year ago

Text

Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve: The Bermuda Triangle for Addicts

by Ethlie Ann Vare

The hardest holiday for a love addict is Valentine’s Day: It’s like New Year’s Eve mashed up with St. Patrick’s Day would be to an alcoholic. But Christmas is pretty tough, too. There are so many expectations around the holidays, so much idealized nostalgesia, so many perfectly lit commercials of perfectly beautiful couples exchanging perfectly chosen gifts in front of perfectly flickering fireplaces. Single people get extra lonely. They pine.

Speaking of pine… fuck fireplaces. I live in LA. It was 75 degrees today, and we don’t need any more carbon particulates in our air.

Back to loneliness. People get extra lonely at this time of year because they have their noses rubbed daily in these fantasy images - images created by a copywriter, staged by a set decorator, and brought to life by a couple of shallow narcissists who spend their days mostly worried that they’ll never work again. (Like I said, I live in LA.) Or, in the case of the image above, by an AI art generator.

We are, as they say in the rooms of recovery, comparing our insides to other people’s outsides. And they’re not even real people.

I get that it makes the singletons feel left out, though, and sometimes they come to me for relationship advice, because after all, I write about relationships. “They” being mostly women, and mostly women over 40. (Again, I live in LA. Over 40 = invisible.) However I am probably the worst person to come to, because I don’t buy the basic premise that you need to be in a relationship to be happy. That a relationship will somehow fix you. A relationship will not fix you, because you aren’t broken. It’s the premise that’s broken.

Don’t think I’m against love and romance. I love love and romance. Often to excess. But I have no illusions that is it magic elixir, and a lot of greedy people are selling magic elixirs to a lot of lonely people. In my experience, romantic love is closer to elixir of heroin (a popular cough syrup in the 19th Century, by the way): the initial high is great, the withdrawal at the end is bloody awful, and a long stretch in the middle is a maintenance phase that falls somewhere between pleasantly numb and barely tolerable. If your experience has been more positive than that, I salute you. I also think you are the exception and not the rule. You’ve seen the divorce statistics same as I have. All the social science data shows that for everything from blood pressure to depression, marriage is good for men and bad for women. And still women seem to be the ones most hotly pursuing it.

Romance is a multi-billion-dollar industry: $4.95 billion was spent in 2022 on dating apps, plus about another $3 billion in books, seminars, meet-ups, matchmakers, life coaches…. Did you know I could make $5/minute giving advice to the lovelorn online? I’d just as soon be a telephone psychic. Both have about as much validity.

What I can give you is advice on things to do that give you some of the same happy hormones you expect from a relationship. There are plenty of other places to find them, and none has a sign with the words “adult” or “shoppe” out front.

The addict brain craves dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin. Either we don’t manufacture enough on our own, or we’re just greedy. I pick the former, although I’ve been accused of the latter. “Well, you just want to do everything fun, don’t you?” glowered a Midwestern woman watching me attempt the trapeze at age 52. The answer is yes, yes I do. But fun doesn’t always mean self-destructive… and I barely even injured myself on the trapeze.

You want dopamine? Learn something new. Novelty is a great activator of dopamine. To really bump it up, try something new that is challenging and maybe has a touch of danger attached. Scuba diving saved my ass; you can’t drink, drug, or check your phone while you’re underwater, and it’s beautiful down there.

Diving also gives me a ton of serotonin, what with the weightlessness and the natural beauty and all. But you could also immerse yourself in an IMAX nature film, or get a massage, or listen to beautiful music. There’s some pretty good chorales showing off at this time of year. Great art, majestic landscapes… anything that produces awe produces serotonin.

For oxytocin I always go to dogs. Love ‘em. You want to put Instagram to good use?Try funny pet videos; it’ll make your day. My sister is all about the children - she’s honorary Bubbie to half the kids in the neighborhood. One of the most reliable ways to produce oxytocin is to be of service to others, and this time of year makes it particularly easy to do that. I don’t know about you, but I always find it easier to be of service when someone just tells what to do. “Here’s a list of Christmas wishes from needy families. Which one do you want to buy?” “We’re serving turkey dinners at the Mission downtown. Meet you at 6:30.”

I could add that volunteering is a great way to meet new people (like potential romantic partners, hint hint) but like I said, I’m the relationship lady who is not selling the secret to finding a relationship. We both know I would be earning a lot more money if I was.

#love addict #romance #relationships #dating apps #recovery #dopamine #oxytocin

0 notes

airasilver · 1 year ago

Text

I’m shocked they actually published this. Here it is in case they get rid of it.

26 Times Men Pointed Out "Awful Things" Women Do, Giving Both Sides To The Story

BuzzFeed Staff

Recently, Reddit user u/angelicswan333 asked the men of the community, "What are some really bad habits a lot of women have?"

Men dove right in and gave a variety of responses. They've had different experiences, so some of the "bad habits women have" that have annoyed them range from pretty sexist to actually valid.

So, to get both sides of the story, here are some things men claim women do that have affected them one way or another.

1. "Smartphone 'addicts.' I don’t date someone who's always on social media — a woman without an Instagram is manageable. A woman without Instagram and Facebook is a unicorn."

—u/gio_sdboy

"This really should be mandatory — I quit Facebook in 2009 and Instagram in 2017. My husband doesn’t use social media either. We literally never argue and aren’t delusional about our expectations for each other. 'Social' media really ruins lives, relationships, and marriages." 

—u/No-Desk560

2. "Weaponizing a breakup. When a girl does that to me (even if she doesn't mean it), I take it very seriously. You want to give up on the relationship just like that? Fine, but don't use or threaten me with the word 'breakup' if you don't mean it. Breaking up should be the last resort, if anything."

—u/94funny

3. "Thinking they’re more attractive than they really are, and having their friends affirm this false belief and then becoming delusional about it."

—u/stompywomp 

4. "Talking too much about money/desired lifestyles within the first couple of dates, even on your profile. A lot of men don’t want to be seen as an ATM with a penis, and those who don’t mind that are more likely to see women as disposable. So, it really exposes them to a potential lose-lose situation."

—u/kinggeedra

5. "Buying and/or collecting things, just because. Things that are never used, and were never intended to be used. Just things to have and take up space in garages, spare rooms, and closets."

—u/poopinion 

6. "Most of the women in my life have simply never said they were sorry about anything. If they say something mean to me, and I get any type of emotion over it, they immediately get defensive and tell me I'm being too sensitive. Then they flip it around on me, and I'm the bad guy."

—u/NagoGmo

"You mean S.I.G.N.?

Shame. Insult. Guilt. Need to be right."

—u/BigBadBootyDaddy10

7. "Not being able to accept the truth about how men feel."

—u/Warm_Gur8832

8. "Actively pursuing men they are not attracted to, then blaming them for it. Cheating and treating them badly for not being good enough without the men having any idea why."

—u/Turbulent_Ad_4403

9. "Not respecting privacy or any privileged information. Anything you tell her or show her, you are also telling her friends."

—u/mule_roany_mare 

10. "Testing you — asking or doing something just to see what choice I make (my fiancé answered this). Both of his ex-girlfriends did that A LOT. He told me about it before we dated, so I've always tried to not ever do that."

—u/xtinarinaldi

11. "Always making excuses or saying I’m not good enough. 'It’s always my fault' is usually the typical response from most females when you confront them about anything. Women: Just own up to your faults and mistakes, and quit trying to make a production out of everything you get questioned on."

—u/airbornethic 

12. "I've never had a girlfriend admit they were wrong, and it's the exact thing they have said about men for decades."

—u/TxAthlete42

"I've had a lot of women say something verifiably false. I provide the correct information and they say I'm wrong, double down, and don't let it go. I get the answer with verification and somehow I'm in the wrong for questioning her and 'having to be right.'" 

—u/PregnancyRoulette

13. "Speaking negatively of men all at once. You speak truth to reality."

—u/Slothvibes

14. "Taking relationship advice from unhappy or chronically single women."

—u/serene_brutality

15. "Apologizing too much at work or in public."

—u/CarlJustCarl

16. "Believing that men can read minds."

—u/TheLandFanIn814

17. "Everything my wife does is a gift from heaven. Everything I do is expected, and still not enough."

—u/thecountnotthesaint

18. "Her being upset = my problem, me being upset = my problem. That, in turn, causes her to be upset (which is then also my problem). Basically, I’m not allowed to be upset or angry, it’s not valid, and I need to 'fix' myself."

—u/Junglestumble

19. "Willingly give criticism, but not being able to take it."

—u/GoneAWOL1 

"I suffered an extreme case of this. My ex couldn’t take it when I asked if I could comment and she said 'yes,' only later to still cry, get angry, and blame me for it. She also had a pattern of delivering critique my way over ideas and I didn't say anything."

—u/ebonyseraphim

20. "Being too indirect in communication and passive in relationships."

—u/huuaaang

21. "'Main character' syndrome. I don't think it's intentional, but I see it so often. I wonder if it's something new or I'm just starting to notice it."

—u/thumbwrestleme

22. "I don't know if a lot of women have this habit, but I know of a few cases where they've weaponized sex. Some of my buddies' wives or girlfriends will use sex as a weapon in order to coerce certain behavior."

—u/kevfefe69

23. "Aligning the truth to their emotions. They will reject facts as the truth because it doesn't match their feelings, which is 'their truth.' Basically as their feelings change, the truth changes."

—u/thuswindburns

24. "Swiping people on dating apps, then leaving them hanging when they match."

—u/Largicharg 

25. "Disrespecting their man in public."

—u/BickusDickus6969 

26. And finally: "Giving unsolicited advice to their husband. For example, giving unsolicited tree-trimming advice to your husband this past weekend while standing out on the deck (that your husband built). This is just an example, of course..."

—u/CarlJustCarl 

Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.

#men #women

0 notes

diary-of-a-teenaged-loser · 2 years ago

Text

02-07-2023

Dear diary,

today was a difficult day. I woke up tired because I stayed up late flirting with Matt. And then I open my phone to see he unadded me. He said he “didn’t feel good about what happened, so we can’t talk anymore”. I’m pretty sure I didn’t do anything wrong, so why do I feel so shitty? I would have liked a choice in it, but he never gave me a chance. Wait, do I do that to guys all the time? But at the same time, do they deserve it? All they want it sex. Anyways, the Matt thing set a really awful morning up. I was almost late to my college tour, my card declined at chick-fil-a, my credit card got maxed out, and when I sat down in the theatre, my open backpack spilled everywhere, and it was really embarrassing. Things did get a little better after that point though. When we were on the tour it was amazing. I love campus so much. These last few days of being here have made me feel so much more positive about the future. But then, as we were walking back to the student center to end the tour, Mat (different guy) texted me and just piled on to Matt’s whole thing. He said “idk tho, i’m having mixed feelings anout you coming over. I’m not sure if maybe i’m nervous, but i’d def be in trouble if I got caught with a girl over. still trying to figure out if it’s worth the risk”. I’m still trying to figure out how I feel, and how I should feel. I guess it hurts a little bit. I was in a little bit of a bad after that, but then Chloe and I got to catch up and it was amazing. She’s so sweet and she makes me feel so much more prepared to be here. She said the when she first got here it was so nice to have a support system, and she wants to be that for me. It was so sweet. Then she had to go to her class, so I walked around campus and hung out in the quad. It was amazing. But then I got back to the hotel and it stopped being as okay. I wish my sense of worth and validation was easier to get from myself, rather than men, and others in general. Maybe mom was right, and finding God would help. But I don’t even know where to start. I do think I’m getting a little bit better at making myself feel good. I kind of felt bad because I got left on read, unadded, and ignored, but then I started writing and it helped. And I started watching Bluey, and it made me happy because it’s so cute! I literally love it so much. I hope things will keep going this way.

<3, lauren

0 notes

mysticaltora8276 · 3 months ago

Text

That’s up to you if you feel it represents your mental illness. But here’s the thing that’s your take and only your take. Because I can assure you as someone who is considered neural divergent, I find it absolutely awful, abhorrent and crap. If you feel it represents you, that’s your interpretation but mine and other people who happen to like my post agree that it’s a crap interpretation filled with ableism, misogyny and various other things like racism. Just because you find your interpretation valid doesn’t mean other people will. I think it’s funny that you say “only Sith deals in absolutes.” Yet you can’t stand the idea of somebody disagreeing with you. May I suggest you take your own advice and either listen to the other arguments and make your own determination or block me. Again, I find it funny that you take a very badly written book and say that it means something to you but when someone else criticizes it suddenly we’re supposed to shut up and listen to you and you claim that we should do the same to the author.

It doesn’t work that way. Constructive criticism or a talking about a separate interpretation goes both ways provided that it’s respectful and so far you have not been respectful. You’ve been rude, immature and quite frankly piss poor in social decorum. And no, just because you have a mental illness does not excuse you by the way. Because there are plenty of people who have mental illnesses, and they choose to be better and work with it, not just fall back on it like a crutch and think that that excuses everything that they do

Again, just because it was done in the past doesn’t it was OK. Just because they called those learning disabilities differently does not mean that it was OK. Just because we have names for them does not mean that what they call them in the past made it OK. That was called being a jerk and you’re saying it’s OK to be a jerk as long as the other person says “it’s OK to be a jerk.“ Well that works for that one person but everybody around you is gonna look at you go “yeah he’s fine with it but I on the other hand would like to respect the person around me who also have a mental illness and do not appreciate that being used around them because that was used to demonize them.“ again just because you have antisocial personality disorder does not excuse rudeness. You wanna be rude? Well then I’m gonna call you rude person. I don’t care if you have a personality disorder or not.

I grew up with learning disabilities, and I had to fight tooth and nail to get through them. I looked at this book, and I saw pretty much an author rendition of an awful father. And also somebody who had no understanding of the franchise and decided to project all of her prejudices onto the franchise and then pretend that somehow HER view was canon. Well, no, it wasn’t Canon to begin with and George Lucas happily ignored everything that she put in there. The people that she depicts in these books are either hypocritical, self-righteous, very mentally disturbed with PTSD symptoms of plenty, which means that yes they are indeed mentally ill by the definition. Also a boatload of racism, rape, culture, sexual assault, which is played for laughs for men and dismissed for the women and racism in the depiction of what the clones are described as and ableism because he uses their PTSD and things that he told them was OK and let their personality disorders arrange supreme instead of getting them therapy and help. I don’t care if he “drink on the job.“ He was perfectly fine with dragging those kids off to war and training them in war. If he supposedly cared about them, then he would’ve gotten them out of there. But he didn’t because all he cared about was stalking his ego and making himself feel like the “good dad.“

As for the Nulls, they’re psychopathic in every sense of the word. One of them beats up another clone all in the name of getting someone instead of doing the socially acceptable thing and waiting. And I’m supposed to excuse that? Heck no. I don’t care what personality disorder or mental illness. You have that does not excuse that kind of behavior. Particularly in a military setting where that kind of behavior can get you court-martialed which is what they should’ve been. Not to mention the fact that he attacks people in a fit of rage if they even so is breathe anything against his so-called “good dad.“ and may I remind you the other clones were perfectly fine with lying about crucial information that could help end the war despite the fact that it would’ve helped their brothers that they supposedly cared about. Torturing people which you could argue is a wartime setting, which will give a little leeway with except they do it to civilian. It’s not even military targets where you could at least have a shaky ground of they are “justified.” Not to mention, psychologically breaking someone and then taking that person’s body and using it as gloves. I’m sorry no amount of mental illness and personality disorders is going to excuse that. People who tend to do that are labeled as criminals for a reason.

And that’s not even getting into the crap about the wrongness of the canonical settings that came from the movies and George Lucas himself and also the rampant anti-religious angle that she rubbed in with the Jedi. May I remind you that one of them the so-called “moral characters“ basically says that Jedi deserve genocide. And also that beloved father killed children fleeing from a genocide. There is no amount of justification of either mental illness or personality disorder to justify the fact that they are OK with a genocide and fine with the fascist government ruling the galaxy as long as they “leave him alone.“ Yeah, tell that shows like Andor that show exactly how much the empire “leaves people alone.” Spoiler warning they don’t.

So again, if you view this as your mental illness, then that’s up to you. Personally, I say you might want to rethink some things but again that’s your personal opinion and interpretation and that’s up to you. My personal interpretation is those books are garbage written by someone who doesn’t care about you or your mental illness and just wants to spout out jingoistic misogynistic, racist, ableist garbage propaganda that was of the early 2000s and that was wrong then and is wrong now. And again, I think it’s funny that you say “only the Sith deals in absolute.“ Yet you’re trying to shut me down and basically tell me to shut up and not critique you. Part of being not a Sith is understanding nuance and the fact that you have an interpretation, but that doesn’t match everybody else’s. You have to respect the fact that other people have other interpretations and they will call you out if they feel that what you’re saying is problematic or awful. And again if you have a problem with that. Block me.

— Is “psycho” a slur? —

My easiest answer to this question: ASK IF A REAL PERSON IS OKAY TO BE CALLED A PSYCHO. If not, then you are not calling the person with ASPD, BPD, or any other PD a psycho.

Listen to the people with personality disorders, not the people who claim they are allys so they call everything ableist that can hurt our pretty sensitive disabled heart. There is a chance that someone is made the label their own. And someone is not okay with it. No, you don't make a fucking a poll where everyone can vote, and even the neighbours cat can puke on the reblog button. YOU TALK TO A REAL PERSON, YOU ASK. End of story.

Personality disorders and especially Antisocial Personality Disorder are often associated to “being a psycho”.

And you especially met with this term in RepComm while reading.

“EWWWW REPCOMM AND KAREN TRAVISS AND KAL SKIRATA IS FUCKIGN ABLEIST DON’T READ IT OR YOU’LL BECOME ABLEIST YOURSE-“

When I mention TODAY to someone that I have personality disorder, people are being like: okay and you are eating that with fork or spoon?

You call out ableism because you heard it somewhere that being called a psycho is ableist, and calling out ableism gives you browney points on tumblr.

“Psycho” is not a slur. Sometimes not even the self-diagnosed psyhopaths know about the existence of the term of ASPD (that's how personality disorders are not in every speech!!!), they just now that something is wrong, because they always hit walls around people. Psycho or sociopath was the closest that you could name this condition in the early 2000's.

Nulls being called a psycho is not Kal Skirata’s elaborate trick to enslave the nulls or whatever the fuck anti-kal people comes up with. People with pd-s are mostly self-aware. Being always fucking self-aware is why we know that we don’t fit in.

Someone with personality disorder is extremely important to be self-aware, that's why name-erasing, mental-health erasing cause more harm. You don't say shit like to a pd that "you are completely normal, there is nothing wrong with you, carry on" because the next time we actually do something mentally ill™, you will be the first to call us "fucking psychos".

(yeah. I know. so much we, and them, and us, like I'm one with ASPD too, I'm trying to figure if I have more personality disorder than BPD, and probably have.)

In this age where everything is within reach via internet, people truly forget that media is accessible written by different generations, and when I see younger people engaging with the Republic Commando series TODAY in 2024 with today’s tumblr sensitivity standards, I think: vod. Are you aware that the first book came out in 2004, TWENTY YEARS AGO? The accessibility to everything is great but it totally messes up the ability to see TIME CONTEXT. And this time blindness can truly mess up communication between different generations too, causing rifts and we end up invalidating other’s experiences if we are not careful.

“But there were more progressive books even before 2004” - Probably. Only we didn’t have an entire library of progressive labels of genders, sexuality, phobias and MENTAL ILLNESSES AND CONDITIONS.

Not in everyday speech. If no one talks about it, you won't know the concept. You don't know how to ask questions aside from "what's wrong with me?"

WATCH OUT! SLURS INCOMING!!!!

In the early 2000’s and before if your teachers hated you, your parents weren’t educated (or just didn’t care), or your parents themselves never got proper treatment for their neurodivergency, there is chance that YOU ALSO didn’t have a chance to get a proper diagnosis for different types of neurodivergency as a child.

children with dyscalculia were called lazy.

children with dyslexia were called retards who can't even read.

children who were fine playing alone were the weird ones.

autistic people? You mean rain man? Or those braindead retards shitting themselves and throwing fits and should have been euthanized if their parents had any love for them? Oh no you are not autistic, stop being oversensitive to noises and shit and people bullying you for your special interests is not bullying, they are just trying to involve you sweetheart.

ADHD? Problem children with behavior issues.

Antisocial Personality Disorder? Psychos. Problem children. HOOLIGANS. DEVIANTS.

Sounds familiar? No? Then I am truly happy for you.

People like to use this quote to prove that the Nulls didn’t have mental illnesses, it’s just Kal who spread the rumors about them, and the Nulls weren’t more than your ordinary bad behaving children. Because Vau is an outsider, therefore more reliable and objective narrator about the Nulls and because fuckkalskirataingeneral. Yeah. Sure. But we are talking about Walon Vau.

Walon “my father beat the living shit out of me as a child but I turned out fine” Vau.

These kind of abused people In real life with the exact same mentality tell you that you don’t have a problem, you are just oversensitive. You don’t need therapy, you just have to man up. Don’t take pills because pills are for pussies. YOU DON’T HAVE MENTAL ILLNESS, YOU ARE JUST A BAD CHILD. Generational trauma is fucking shit and affects everybody.

Walon Vau alone deserves a separate post about his non-existent mental health. And Sev, now that he was mentioned here. Sev is especially heartbreaking, seeing how Nulls as psychos are treated, and how Sev as a psycho is treated in the books.

This blurb is born from the thought that the Nulls are having Antisocial Personality Disorder and I’ve come to this conclusion because they are constantly called psychos, the most common label people used for this kind of behavior patterns they show throughout the series.

ASPD or Antisocial Personality Disorder and the usage of this name is encouraged in scientific circles because the symptoms and traits of psychopathy can’t be measured objectively anymore. Psychopathy is a neurological/hormonal condition, but no longer its own sickness, because other non-related disorders, diseases and illnesses can mimic the symptoms of psychopathy for eg.: DEMENTIA.

If you ever wonder how can a 80 years old person who never showed any sign of aggression before just go and brutally kill their neighbor for a sole treebranch hanging over the fence and littering the garden with leaves, there is a chance that something is not alright in the brain anymore.

Emotions developed healthy with healthy self-restraints and and self-control will not let you do socially unacceptable things like killing to solve problems, just because your brain tells you: BASH THEIR FUCKING SKULL WITH A ROCK.

Every emotional response are hormones and neurotransmitters in work. Brain is responsible to give the appropriate response to each situation we are facing. If you have hormonal problems, or neurological conditions, different brain structure than a neurotypical people, there is a chance, that these responses are not working as they are intended, you will have different or more extreme emotional responses to things, or not having at all.

So that is why we don’t use the terms of psychopath today as an individual sickness, because PSYCHOPATHY ITSELF IS A SYMPTOM of various conditions! People with psychopathy, the “psychos” are usually on the spectrum of ASPD.

So again, repeat after me like I'm Dora the explorer who put you on gunpoint:

ASK IF A REAL PERSON WITH ASPD IS OKAY WITH BEING CALLED A PSYCHO. IF NOT, YOU DON'T CALL THE PERSON PSYCHO. END OF STORY.

#star wars #anti traviss #pro Jedi #anti null arc troopers #your interpretation is your own but my interpretation is just as valid #repcomm

38 notes · View notes

transsexualhamlet · 4 years ago

Text

Some thoughts on Bond’s gender because oh my god (on canon)

because i’ve been running into a god awful amount of chronically online takes today, clearly

Most of the issues I’ve been getting, other than just, blatant transphobia, are on if bond is Really Trans TM because this is seriously an argument we have to make.

Most if not all horrid takes that I’ve seen floating around come from one or more of these misunderstandings:

-bond is simultaneously too feminine and too masculine to be a trans man (some people have Genders, becky)

-bond showed no signs of being trans before (are we even watching the same show here)

-the moriartys transed his gender without his consent (...no)

-bond is an actor and is therefore bad trans rep/not actually trans (im.. gonna need to sit down for this one)

-bond’s personality is different from irene’s, therefore it must be a role / its not done well. (there’s this thing called... character development)

So I’m gonna take a moment to explore what’s actually going on here, just from what is actually shown on screen, and well, a perspective as a trans man, you know.

I will preface this with yes, of course, bond is not Perfect Trans Rep, nor is he portrayed as well as he could be, nor is it gone into detail enough to rule out nonbinary possibilities for him, which are valid, just not my personal experience. So yeah, I’m going at this from a transmasc perspective. And there’s a pretty good chance that the mangaka’s intention wasn’t that at all, but it’s what they created, so they have to deal with it now.

Yeah, these arent like, headcanons, this is pretty much just taking this from what you can infer from the actual canon and what it is like to be a trans man.

To debunk these fucking awful takes, five straight up essays because this is what I decided to do with my fine sunday morning:

Bond’s presentation, Past and Present

Yeah, so this one’s to combat the first two misconceptions, which are a lot of terf shit, honestly. Mostly, it’s a lot of arbitrary qualifications to being trans that simply do not apply, and even then, Bond does fit within even fairly constrained definitions of a trans person, which kind of takes the entire argument away.

Most of these arguments point to Bond’s highly femme appearance pre transition, saying he Couldn’t Possibly Be Trans because he... had big tits and wore makeup, and didn’t seem horribly uncomfortable with them at all times constantly. Bestie, no. I mean, first off, there’s not much argument that him loving a feminine appearance was really the case to begin with.

Like these folks seem to love to point out, this bitch is an actor. A performer. There’s no saying he enjoyed all of those things. But like in most of his life, he’s placed in a role where he plays it. To the best of his ability, to the MOST he can do it. He literally said he used a feminine appearance literally to manipulate people. It was a weapon to him, and he likely exaggerated it to get ahead in life. It wasn’t just because he enjoyed all of it.

And even if that weren’t the case, it straight up does not matter. It doesn’t matter if he liked dresses or makeup or having giant fucking boobs, if he liked it in the past or he still likes it now. (And I think he does like some feminine things a lot, though he did exaggerate himself to make it easier.)

That’s straight up just not how it works. Trans men are allowed to be feminine. Trans men are allowed to not be dysphoric. That doesn’t undermine their gender, in the slightest. To say that’s not true is blatantly transphobic.

And to say that he showed no signs of being trans, that he like, transitioned “out of nowhere” is basically the same deal.

One, he quite literally did show many signs. He dresses up in masculine clothing and alters his voice to be lower twice in two episodes, and is shown enjoying wearing a suit three separate times in those two episodes. This isn’t just because he needed a disguise.

Remember the masquerade? There was quite literally no reason he needed to dress up as a dude to go to that. He just took the chance to be anonymous, you know, as you do, at a masquerade, and decided to go as a man, for no other reason than he wanted to. A cis woman simply would not do that.

And keep in mind, this was completely before the bond thing even existed. (He also looks frequently uncomfortable, when being percieved as weak or feminine, though this is not always the case, and cannot be held as real evidence.)

Two, again, even if this were not the case, even if he acted completely like a cis woman right up until his transition, that would not change a thing. Not everyone “show signs”, and that’s not cis people’s to police- especially someone in the position of being so much in the public eye, so sexualized and made to be even more exaggeratedly feminine. There’s no reason he would, it would straight up just be a risk he didn’t need to take. Acting like anything but a feminine woman would get him fucking hate crimed, and it certainly wouldn’t get him an acting career. Before the moriartys, he had next to zero options to present any differently, and doing so would have been a death sentence.

Even then, he still did.

So, I really don’t see the issue here.

“They Transed His Gender Without His Consent”

Now, I get having a bit of whiplash here at the end of episode 3 if you weren’t expecting it. Of course you couldn’t really predict that, without prior knowledge, and especially in the anime where they shorten things so that they’re just like “alright your name is james”, it can seem a little like they just went “hey so we want you to be a man”. From that conclusion, of course I could understand thinking that’s kind of weird and not good rep or whatever.

But well, logically, that just... doesn’t make sense.

There’s no reason that the moriartys would need Bond to be a man. It’s not as if they don’t have any agents who are women- Moneypenny literally exists. And the “alright you’re a man” conversation could not have been the only thing they said before this occurred- that happened in the daytime, while he originally went off with them in the middle of the night. This was not one conversation.

However, these are consecutive panels, all at once. And I think the fact that he does this so easily and without question kind of shows that “your name is now james” could not be the first time him as a man was brought up. He never asked “oh so you want me to be a man full time with no breaks” no he just... cut his hair and went hell yeah male pronouns, and everyone seemed to understand it. That’s... not forced. That’s him jumping at the idea, and that’s something that probably had to have been discussed before.

The explanation I can provide for this is that the Moriartys probably asked bond what he wanted to do with the new life he was given- you can start over, you can be someone else, what do you want to be within our organization?

Given this sudden opening, he has the opportunity to be something he wants to, completely separate from what he had to be as an actor. The fact that he would accept and want this when he has been so feminine before just kind of proves itself, anyway.

Of course, none of this can be proven, but tell me in what situation taking a feminine woman and deciding to say “alright your name is james now” would make any sense on its own. There’s no reason they would say that, if it hadn’t been asked for. This is not policy, they didn’t take in moran and fred and go yall your name is james now. They didn’t do that with moneypenny. This simply does not add up.

So yeah, if someone has an explanation for the moriartys deciding his name needs to be james with no fucking context other than him asking to be male offscreen, I’d love to hear it. But until then, that’s the only thing that could have happened.

The Moriartys know that he is not just fulfilling a role- otherwise there is no reason they’d refer to him as a man in private and treat him as such. And there’s no reason there would be a need for another guy in the organization at all.

And from the way they treat him- asking him where he wants to change, how he’d like to be referred to, what he wants to dress like etc- they’re very happy to facilitate not just what they want from bond, but what bond wants himself. So they didn’t just assign it to him. They specifically sent him on missions so that he could figure out for himself what he wanted to be and do, to take him out of the idea of being “assigned” something.

Once he realizes he’s allowed to do “what he wants” he becomes a lot more chaotic and loses a lot of the restraints of a “role” he’s put on himself, bragging that he Doesn’t Do Things Conventionally (he’s not like other boys.) But the one thing he does not change is his own gender presentation- if so, he becomes even more masculine.

There’s no logic in thinking that the Moriartys forced this upon him. It has been clearly shown that they want him to be able to contribute to this organization in his own way, with his own ideas- completely constradictory to that idea.

The Myth of “Pretending” to be Trans

Yeah so I’ve seen a LOT of comments trying to make the argument that bond isn’t actually trans and is simply pretending to be a dude, which doesn’t hold up for a... a lot of reasons.

I mean, just saying that someone could be pretending to be trans is fucking stupid and transphobic, but I do have to say this is somewhat of a different situation and I get that there is a bit of reason to think that way here. Yeah, he’s had a lot of Man Disguises before.

But like... just cause he’s an actor doesn’t mean he can’t also be trans... there are trans actors....... like there are trans Everything Else.... and a lot of them would say that before they realized they were trans they would act in opposite gender roles or “pretend” to be the other gender? So that doesn’t really debunk the argument at all, it adds to it.

And there is a clear and visible difference between him as Bond and the disguises he’s put on before, straight up in the overt text and drawings. In the manga especially, every time he had a disguise, there is a scene where he’s shown Revealed As The Real Person, like when he takes off the bohemia disguise, and when in the masquerade Albert calls him out and there’s a panel of his actual appearance without the disguise.

The main quality that shows this is the beauty mark below his eye. As every other disguise, he covers it up with makeup, because it’s... a disguise. He’s trying to be someone else. But as Bond, he makes no attempt to hide it. Because that’s not a disguise, it’s who he really is.

Another thing that points to this is the panels where Sherlock looks at the picture of Adler and the King of Bohemia together, stating, with the quotes, ‘that “woman” is dead.’ (do note this wording was an anime only thing)

woman, in quotation marks.

Then when he throws it aside, it flips to the bohemia guy. Aka, how Adler first appeared to him, and the fact that this was the same person, that the woman is dead, because... “she” was never there in the first place.

If yall have any other explanation for what those panels are trying to say, I’d love to hear your opinion, but that’s pretty much what it comes off as.

And obviously there’s other facets to this. You do have to take into account the line in the manga where Bond thinks to himself that the personality he’s putting out is playing a role, but that line is so often taken out of context to be used as an all out denier for Bond as a man, when that’s not at all what that is even referring to.

It should be taken into account that this line was removed from the anime altogether, as the anime team probably wanted to invite less controversy over his gender. But even taking this line as canon, that’s still not what it even means.

This line is in reference to Moran stating that Bond is lying to himself, but Moran doesn’t specify about what. Moran’s problems are that Bond is biologically female, and that he is not as physically strong. Moran acknowledged that Bond could have the mind of a man. That’s not what’s in question at all.

In that locker room, Bond was playing it up so much that he basically would not acknowledge he could have any weaknesses or could be recognized as like, not a cis man.

So even though his own self doubt could be taken to put his gender into question, Moran saying he’s “pretending to be something he’s not” does not have to be talking about his gender at all, but his physical strength and personality, which is what has not been proven to Moran. He’s pretending to be more confident than he is, for sure.

And Moran completely changes his tune about that, once Bond goes out on that mission and gains some personality. The mission has nothing to fucking do with his gender. It’s about his usefulness, his strength, and his independent thinking. If Bond could prove that he wasn’t just following orders, Moran would accept him fine.

And he did.

What bond “wanted” was what Moran was testing him on, and that ended up being not about his gender presentation at all, but about his... independence in a mission. So once that was cleared up, Moran was cool with it.

Of course Moran had some trouble believing Bond was a man, At First. But obviously, he went through this situation, and came out realizing that Bond wasn’t faking at all, and that he was actually really fucking cool. So if you’re still going on with that bullshit, you have less of an understanding of Bond than Moran? Get a grip.

And literally even if this was referring to his gender, that still does not cancel out him being a man, because, well... people question themselves sometimes? Trans people question themselves over and over and have internalized problems toward it. This would be especially bad for bond, considering how much of his life has been acting and pretending, he would have a difficult time trying to figure out what part of it was real and what was a lie. That doesn’t change the fact that in the end, he comes out and discovers himself, and once he gets comfortable and starts to show his own personality more, it’s clear that he’s confident in that as well now. It just took him some time.

“He doesn’t seem like the same person anymore”

Now this one I don’t even really see how you could take as evidence against his gender, but it’s still something I feel I need to address in reference to it, because it really does have a lot to do with his transness.

I mean... yeah, I can see where people are coming from here. When he transitions, he does kind of just, change a lot of aspects of his presentation. But that’s... um, how it is to transition, especially at first.

Bond lived as a woman for more than 20 years. Of course he’s gonna have a very well developed idea of being a woman, a very personalized style, lots of feminine mannerisms and traits he’s stuck with his whole life. When someone completely switches genders, especially in an era where gender was so unbelievably rigid and strict? Of course he’s gonna lose a lot of his personality traits when he starts out.

When he’s playing the role of someone else, it’s easy to invent a personality. He does it well. But the entire fact is that although he tries to make it a role at first, that doesn’t work out. This is gonna be him, and what he wants to be, but for someone so new at being a man, as in, for real- he’s gonna start with the basics.

What is required of him is pretty much to fit in as a man and to have traditionally masculine traits- strong, talented, aggressive, and a leader. So clearly, he’d stick to those religiously. He’s not going to have as much nuance in his gender presentation for a bit, because he’s trying so hard to be a man there’s not room for anything else yet. Most of his energy is spent just on convincing everyone and himself that he can Be A Dude, it takes him a second to reach the place where he’s comfortable expressing himself. That’s... very, very well documented among trans people. Even the fact that he wears those platforms is probably quite a bold move for him at first.

Most of the things people complain about him losing in this manner aren’t gone at all. The things that Adler was good with- being fearless, convincing, good with kids, sassy, incredibly sly, a wonderful actor- those things don’t change. What gets lost in translation is mostly the Gendered Traits. But those aren’t necessarily gone forever.

Like with his sexuality and willingness to show off his body. It was likely very easy for him to display his body as a woman, but to do so as a man with, well, the same body, is just, difficult. I’ve seen people complaining about how bond being sexualized only before he came out is Problematic and I understand that, but man, if Bond showed off his fucking tits in a suit in 19th century London, it just, wouldn’t be a smart idea. And I think even in private, it’s going to take him a while to come to terms with correlating his gender and his body in a way that makes him feel ok to like, be a slut again. It’s ok that this doesn’t happen in the first month after he transitions, actually.

Same thing with his feminine traits, like his love of fashion and stuff like that- he’s allowed to like that stuff and to show it off as a man, but it’s not awful that he pushes that aside for a while. It takes people a while to come to terms with just gender basic, he wants to seem as masculine as possible at first, otherwise he’s not gonna be recognized as a guy. Gender nonconformity as a trans person is difficult, and for someone in that day and age, it’s a struggle to balance those things. The fact is, we only see the first few months of his transition, and he’s a minor character who we don’t get to see a lot of. Give him a second, guys.

And other than the change from Strong Woman (unheard of!) TM to Strong Man (hate all men!) TM, there are some other changes, but, well, those things are called, character development.

He’s clearly happier. He’s more confident, and even though a lot of that is probably false, it’s not like he didn’t use false confidence before he was a dude, man. It’s like one of his main personality traits. To be honest, a lot of how he presents here seems more genuine than the personality he exhibited before.

As Irene, he didn’t have a very consistent personality to begin with. He has a poor sense of self, and a lack of motivation and morals. He’s just kind of going around and stealing stuff and not feeling fulfilled, acting like a completely different person around different people to get what he wanted, and was not truly confident, trusting, or happy. He didn’t seem to have any consistent friends, and the half-con, half-friendship he had with Sherlock was the best he could get.

As bond, he not only is able to dress and act like a man, which probably contributes to his happiness, but once he gets settled, he suddenly has a large, supportive, tight knit family that he can get along with and trust, with genuine compliments that reflect not just his looks, but what he wants to be recognized for- his accomplishments and integrity. You can see him becoming more authentic just because of that.

So yeah, I think it’s really clear that it’s quite understandable that Bond is trans, he wasn’t coerced to transition, he’s not faking it or playing a role, and he hasn’t lost his authentic self in that endeavor.

In conclusion if you still think Bond isn’t trans fuck off facts dont care about your feelings TM

#moriarty the patriot #yuukoku no moriarty #rowan's hyperfixation essays #james bonde #ynm james bond #long post

536 notes · View notes

sisterspooky1013 · 3 years ago

Text

Red-Handed, Chapter 12

Rated X | Read it here on AO3

This is a joint work with @xfmaweezy and we are accepting prompts. This chapter is based on a prompt request from @filemeunderx

“I’m just so goddamn sick of this, Scully,” Mulder spat as he stalked into the master bedroom at the Gunmen’s. “I’m sick of being one giant letdown.” He sat heavily on the bed, dropping his head into his hands as Scully softly closed the door and approached him.

It had been a rough day, generally speaking, culminating in Mulder learning from Byers moments ago that his “highly reliable source” was a plant, just one more way the men behind the curtain were manipulating him and intentionally throwing him off their trail. Scully could have pointed out to him that she’d questioned the validity of his source from day one, that she’d tried to warn him that this outcome was possible, but he was already so beaten down it would be needlessly cruel at this point to do so.

“It’s not your fault, Mulder,” she said gently as she stepped into the space between his knees, resting her hands on his slumped shoulders. “You’re being too hard on yourself.”

He scoffed, dropping his hands into his lap but keeping his head down.

“I should have known, Scully. I would say they made me look like an idiot, but I did a pretty good job of that myself,” he said derisively.

“Mulder,” she said with a sigh, “don’t do this. You’re not a letdown, and you’re not an idiot. You’re just a human being who is trying to do the right thing, and they took advantage of that. That’s their mistake, not yours.”

He shook his head softly but didn’t reply.

“Hey,” she whispered, cupping his jaw in her palms and tilting his head up so he’d look at her. They held eye contact for a beat and she caught the slightest tremor of his jaw, though he worked very hard to conceal it. She hated to see him this way, how mercilessly critical he could be of himself. It made her feel protective and angry at the same time. “You are the best person I know,” she said tenderly, her own throat tight with emotion. “Even the very best people make mistakes, but that doesn’t change who you are. Do you value my opinion, Mulder?”

“Of course,” he said emphatically, grimacing at the idea that it might not be a given.

“Well, my opinion is that you are intelligent, and kind, and so driven that those bastards have to pull out their very best tricks to try and get in your way. If they didn’t believe you were a threat, they wouldn’t bother, right?”

He heaved a blustering sigh and closed his eyes briefly.

“You’re being overly generous, Scully,” he countered, though without much conviction. He brought his hands to her hips, pulling her a little bit closer. “But thank you.”

She smiled softly, feeling moderately victorious, and leaned forward to kiss him lightly on one cheek, and then the other.

“Mulder, you need to be made aware that I have a strict policy,” she began, dropping a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I don’t allow people to say unkind things about the people I love.” She placed a kiss to the other corner of his mouth, and then the tip of his nose. “So I can’t let you talk about yourself like that, okay?”

His face quirked into a surprised smile and she felt a flush of adrenaline. Though they both understood the seriousness of what was between them, neither had gone so far as to put words to it. Now, when he was at his lowest, felt like as good a time as any.

“I don’t deserve you,” he said with awe, and she kissed him fully on the lips.

“Yes, you do,” she murmured into his mouth, and the kiss began to deepen when they heard a clattering sound and a muffled expletive from the master bathroom.

Scully stepped away from him abruptly, her head snapping towards the source of the noise. Mulder rose from the bed and moved quickly across the room, pushing the bathroom door wide open to reveal Frohike and Langly. Frohike sat on the edge of the bathtub while Langly was perched on the closed toilet lid, both of their faces beet red and their expressions sheepish.

“We were looking for band aids,” Frohike blurted out at the same moment Langly insisted “We didn’t hear anything.”

Mulder turned to look at Scully, but she had already vacated the room. He turned back to his friends and sighed. “Don’t ever mention this to her,” he said with the edge of a threat.

“Of course not,” Frohike said emphatically, turning to Langly for agreement, who nodded his head sincerely.

Mulder was halfway to the bedroom door when Frohike spoke again.

“Hey Mulder. I’m happy for you, man. For both of you.” There was no comedic undertone to the statement.

Mulder pushed his mouth into a grateful smile, and went to find Scully.

Tagging @today-in-fic

#the x files #txf #dana scully #fox mulder #x files fanfic #x files #xf fanfic

58 notes · View notes