#i’m going to be thinking about this episode for a looooong time

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Happy Birthday David Dastmalchian 🎂🎉🎁🎈

To celebrate, I'm stealing borrowing from my friend's @polkadotjohnson amazing idea of making a Top 10 Loved/Hottest roles of his, with an honourable mention for both~ Here's 30 of my most adored characters of his with little snippets for each, it's a looooong read, and if anyone else wants to make their own, here's a tierlist I made for this exact purpose 💗💗💗

10.

💘 Love of my Life - Dr Fearless

My cringefail boyfriend, I love every single headcanon I hear about him. He was so damn cute even before I fell in love, and now every time I see him I start giggling and kicking my feet lol 😚 I adore how much fun DD has with him, and honestly I’m gunna dress as a vampire for Halloween this year /)w(\ been like 20+ years but I really really wanna do it!

🔥 Hottest Role - Whistling Marauder (Bird Box)

Mother of mercy. We rewatched the whole movie just for him, so naturally he shows up near the end and then died ;w; but that outfit, holy hell. Oh my god. I’m such a sucker for bad boys and this guy is going around forcing people to stare at this eldrich being that’ll destroy you or drive you mad. And he looks goddamn great while doing it. Gunna attach myself to the chain on his jeans. Okay I’m normal again, what a way to start off the list lmao

❣️ Honourable Mention - Luke (Singled Out)

Douchebag. Shitty brother who’s also great if only to save his own ass. Thief. Pure idiot. Irresistible. I knew the moment I saw the clips on youtube that he would so be my type, and seeing the full pilot only proved that. Dude picked a burger over getting his sister, he would treat me so wrong half the time, but then he’d make me waffles and it’d be all better 😊

9.

💘 Love of my Life - The Writer (Making Love)

This one breaks my heart so much. I’ve been in a relationship like this before, and I really want to save him from his. He’s beautiful, he’s talented, his outfit is hot as hell with all the rings and bracelets and necklaces, not to mention the undone shirt buttons, he’s got the emo bangs, he is the complete package for me. The only reason he isn’t higher is because I fell for many others first. I almost never watched this one because my brain was going haywire trying to imagine what kinda scenes I’d find in something with a title like that, and sure enough my face was so red the entire time since I watched with headphones and it starts with him whispering right in my ear, like him asking, ‘Do you love me?’ nearly made me cry, I love him so much. If I could bring specifically him to life I would love the hell outta him until he stopped needing such a painful, self-destructive fake love with the Woman QwQ

❣️ Honourable Mention - Nick (Love is an Elevator)

This one is just a silly little guy /)w(\ right from the start he’s so adorable, I would melt if anything even close to his interaction happened to me, and him just swooning and saying she was beautiful before bailing in tears is so me-coded TwT I would love to go out on a date with him!

🔥 Hottest Role - Abra Kadabra (The Flash)

Abra was so tricky to place because I love him, but as soon as I remembered his buckle outfit from his second episode I knew he had to go under Hot. Like, again, I’m so weak. I love his attitude, I love how he just wants that applause for his showmanship, his ‘powers’ are cool as hell, and DD has the wand in his home now and I think that’s so damn cool 😊 The reveal with him wanting to bring back his alternate timeline family was so sweet I almost cried, and he definitely didn’t deserve to be killed out so instantly right after his redemption. Not even a fan/watcher of the show, but in my head I’m having Flash warn him about it since he’s from the future, so he’s fine now 😌

8.

💘 Love of my Life - James Lewis (Teacher)

James was also incredibly difficult to place because I love him so much ;w; The entire movie I was rooting for him, guy did nothing wrong in the face of what was going on around him, and granted he did take things too far, but… villains are hot 😳 so I won through that entire movie. And he lived! And kept getting to teach! I remember I pointed at the screen when he was putting books away cause that’s my job lol I felt truly close to him in that short moment 😂 Anyway, Arabella didn’t deserve him, like she wasn't into it from the moment they met, every single time he talked she would do this 😬 guy was going through hell and was very clearly in a bad place all around, I can’t fault him for drunkenly saying the wrong thing if it were me, even if it did really hurt me. Gunna give him a new wedding ring to put on when he gets outta prison.

❣️ Honourable Mention - Hector (Premature)

He’s so cute!!! I may be weak for villains, but I adore his sweeter roles as well, I’m so glad I got to see him. If I moved to a new city and he was my neighbour I’d know I’d be okay, because honestly he needs to be my roommate like yesterday. A chef who’s afraid to cook because of OCD, I’m sure he’d be able to help me with my own cooking from a safe distance, and I already have some practice as my sibling has OCD and is very strict about how her food is handled, so I’ll have come full circle. I just need to make him more okay with cuddles first…

🔥 Hottest Role - Denham (A Killer of Men)

Denham was another one that was hard to place, because that axe twirls makes me insane, but with what little screentime he gets it all evens out. Another great villain, he’s just senseless violence in a bloody wedding dress and he works it. Love the look, love the vibe, if the world ended and the whole gang was coming at me I’d be honoured if he was the one who got me (I swear I’m not that deranged lmao just thirsty)

7.

💘 Love of my Life - Simon Lynch (Almost Human)

Even now I feel like Simon should be higher, especially since I’ve written my fic about him as well as my deep dive. I’ve said it before but my heart really went out to him, the deep dive says way more than I can fit it here, which probably means he should be higher lol so give that (and maybe the fic too 👉👈😌) a read if you haven’t already, all my love for him went into both.

❣️ Honourable Mention - James Harris (The Employer)

Another adorable character, the bar flashbacks had me blushing every time. We all knew it’d be him, but I’m so glad he pulled through at the end. I want this one to be happy, especially after everything he went through. Absolutely cutiepie, gunna be the one to pay for his dinner after he gets home 😊

🔥 Hottest Role - Dwight Pollard (Gotham)

Since I go into all of his roles blind, I had no idea what to expect for this one, but from the start I was hooked. Having him be a crazed cult leader with the biggest, most feral smile and laugh ever stole my heart the things I would let this man do to me sakndskjds I liveblogged his eps to a friend of mine who’s seen Gotham and has been trying to get me to watch it for ages cause I love DC, so she was thrilled as I sat here screaming about everything leading up to his ending :’D I’ve gotten some encouragement to write him, so when I do it’s gunna be so insane I’ll have to tag the hell outta it lmao (btw making these gifs nearly killed me oh my god I need him)

6.

💘 Love of my Life - Joshua Whitmore (Cass)

All the pain I went through trying to get this movie was worth it because it all led to him. I love him, I adore him, I’m so incredibly glad that so many others got to see him and love him too thanks to my trials and tribulations. DD’s only artist role, I got to connect with him on a personal level not shared with the others, and my desire to make sure he’s safe and taken care of is so strong that I wrote 26k about him, they’re two of my most favourite things I’ve ever written. I’ve thrown the ending of the movie out and completely placed it with my own, which can be found in my fics, and until Hugh Schulze DMs me personally and tells me what his vision was, that’s what I’m sticking with forever. So rest easy, he’s free from New York and buyers and dealers and the street and he’s safe and happy and painting again ;w;

❣️ Honourable Mention - Thomas Schiff (The Dark Knight)

The OG, a lot of people’s first roles of his, including mine. I remember seeing this movie in theaters when it came out so that means I saw him up there, on the big screen, and something about him stuck around in my brain until I finally realized my love QwQ Even if he isn’t as fleshed out in my mind to make the actual list, I still needed to include him in some way, I hope he got placed somewhere that wasn't Arkham after Batman stepped in.

🔥 Hottest Role - Cam (Relaxer)

I will never watch Relaxer again. Couldn’t even do it while I was making his scenepack cause so many horrible things happen to Abbie I couldn’t take it. But Cam, oh my god, I need this man. Someday I wanna write this huge fic about the reader trying to date him, and there’s no redemption. He’s still terrible at the end. But that’s what we all love about him, how shitty he is and how the potential is there for him to make us all worse. He sucks, but in the best way, and I kinda need him to maybe bully me please 😳 (making that first gif nearly made me blackout why is he doing pushups)

5.

💘 Love of my Life - Bob Taylor (Prisoners)

When I started adding names to my list of men I loved, Bob wasn't even on it at first I think, despite liking him in the movie. Then I saw more with him and added him to crushes. Now I’m fully in love with him, and he breaks my heart every single day. He was hurting for so long, even when we were watching I couldn’t place the blame on him while the rest of my family were convinced just like Loki that he was the one, but no matter what I couldn’t. The second I saw his sweet smile I told them there was no way it was him, and sure enough I was right. Another character who didn’t deserve what happened to him, I’ve been slowly helping him with my headcanons, but in my personal queue I have a fic planned for him and he will have no more sad days when I do 😭 I also have a bunny plush I’d had for years, my dad bought it for me and it’s been sitting on my bed ever since, and when I’m sad I hold it and pretend Bob gave it to me, it’s honestly got me through some much needed therapy because if he could go about his day with that kind of trauma then I could be brave and call about my own mental health :’)

❣️ Honourable Mention - Lonny Crane (The Belko Experiment)

This one’s a bit of a double whammy, cause I love him, but the switch to violence had me staring 👀 Either way, he didn’t deserve his death, but since it is a killing game type movie he was doomed from the start, at least his seemed instant 🥺 Someday I’ll write a fixit for him too, it was just too much for him back to back to back, he really didn’t deserve his final moments to have him as a villain even though I would really love to be lifted up like that aklskjdskds okay I’m normal again

🔥 Hottest Role - Ray Watkins (The Rookie)

Have you seen this man? No really, have you seen him? The twirl, the shirt lifting on his hips, the cold but also fun villainy, the nonchalance to mask the cruelness underneath. I need him. This one is not a Want, he is a Need and I need him. I hope that he gets to come back in the future to fully wrap up his plot along with the cop’s plot, pleasepleaseplease, otherwise I will die unsatisfied.

4.

💘 Love of my Life - Kurt Goreshter (Ant-Man 1-2)

I believe he might’ve been the second role I’d ever seen, but only after I really got into the MCU after Endgame. I skipped Ant-Man in my original watches, since I was mostly just into the Avengers and Cap (mainly Bucky lol) in general, but when I finally did a full marathon I really enjoyed the first movie. Cannot remember my feelings for him now since it’s been about 4 years, but I do know when I went back to rewatch in March I fell the second I saw him 🥰 the hair, the accent, the outfit AGAIN, and those hand tattoos, this is another Perfect Man. My crush on him is incredibly strong, it told me that yeah I was really starting to fall for DD (at that point I’d just seen Demeter a few times, and then Oppenheimer on accident) and it officially kicked off my marathon that eventually led me to my collection I have today. 

❣️ Honourable Mention - Lester Billings (The Boogeyman)

My family actually watched this without me way before my crush began, so when I saw he was in it I just had to finally sit down and watch it myself. Cue me hurriedly typing to my sibling when he showed up lol this man is SAD! He’s so beautiful and sad, I just wanna make a new family with him (I would be a parent for him, that’s the extent of my love) so he can be happy again. I love the backstory I made up for him way more than the original story, sorry Stephen King but you made him awful and I don’t want that one. I’m gunna save this man and he WILL smile again, that’s a Ray Guarantee.

🔥 Hottest Role - The Vampire (Cora)

Now, to start, this one falls prey to Very Bad Writing Choices. I will not deny that. Like, even with the allegory of the whole thing (that I did not see cause I just saw a short vampire story honestly) it's very much Not Good. But that’s why I’m removing him from the short and keeping him. In fact, go read polkadotjohnson’s fics on him, they’re fantastic and I adore how she wrote him. I someday wish to do my own, because otherwise everyone who can’t look past the Very Bad Writing Choices are getting straight up robbed of this one. Those double fangs need to introduce themselves to my neck pronto, you see what I’m saying? He’s so goddamn hot, DD needs to play a very serious vampire role again so everyone can see the Vision, he wants to do it, I need to win the lottery so I can fund this movie myself, that’s my new life’s goal.

3.

💘 Love of my Life - Jack Delroy (Late Night With the Devil)

The first movie I saw in theaters after my crush began! My friend saw him in a tweet about it and linked me to it so I thought it was already out, but I ended up having to wait two weeks and it nearly killed me ;w; I went in completely blind, which is good cause the trailer spoils so many great shots unfortunately, and the entire time I was swooning. Like, I usually whisper to my sibling during movies if we have comments, we’re very talkative at home when we watch stuff, but this time I was just sitting there staring with hearts in my eyes without pause. I’m in love with this man, plain and simple, I’m so glad I was able to get to see it since it didn’t come to the theater closest, we had to drive an hour away and when dad joked about me paying for the tickets since I was the one who wanted to see it, I did in a heartbeat. I wanted to see it again, but it was only there a couple weeks, so by the time I was able to go it was gone and I’m still upset about it. I’d sell my soul for this man, I love writing for him so much, I’m so glad my crush on Wojchek bloomed just in time for me to see this.

❣️ Honourable Mention - Hank (Virgin Alexander)

I avoided this one at first because the trailer was making me cringe and I was going crazy over what kinda sexy awkward role he’d have in it, but I was pleasantly surprised in the end. I think the movie is actually cute, despite some stuff still making me cringe, and Hank is literally the most perfect boyfriend. If he showed up randomly in my life I would date him in a second, hands down. He’s so shaped like a friend, I know I’d always have fun with him even when we’re not Having Fun, and that’s all you can ever ask for in a relationship 😊

🔥 Hottest Role - Breck Montanari (Double Black)

Okay first of all I gave him that last name. Second of all, I wrote 70k about this man and I am so in love with him that I own him now. I’ve taken him from Sara Woomer, he’s mine now. He has a full past, gave him a future and a partner, there’s no way I couldn’t have fallen in love with him. Unfortunately that fic will never be shared as it’s private, but know that, again, until Sara Woomer DMs me personally and shares everything else about this world, this is my new canon for him. And the cult. And the entire area where he lives. And several of the members. And the new Double Black who was such a chill dude that I made my bff love him too. This is my secret legacy. He only lost out to my #2 because there’s no way he couldn’t be my #2.

2.

💘 Love of my Life - Wojchek (The Last Voyage of the Demeter)

The reason I finally learned his name QwQ I went into this movie blind, dad really wanted to see it and I love horror so I went with him, and the second I saw him I said, ‘Oh that guy! I know that guy!’ since by then I’d seen Kurt and Abner a few years earlier and vaguely remembered him. I spent the whole movie then dreading his end thanks to the opening lines, and I’m pretty sure I quietly yelled at the screen when he fell and then got got after praying he’d be okay TwT After Abner, he’s the first DD role I ever shipped with, and when my crush officially restarted I ended up writing my entire plot for him and Addy that night before bed. I love him so much, he’s my jolly sailor bold who stole my heart by crying over the thought of having to lose his home. He’ll forever own a special place in my heart because of all this, I can’t imagine anyone else taking this spot.

🔥 Hottest Role - Murdoc (MacGyver 2016)

Murdoc was the first TV role of his I checked out after I saw as many movies as I could that interested me (mostly all the ones on Prime sans a couple, my collection was very very small by then) and the moment I saw him be mentioned I was ready to go. The Alice in Wonderland vague text, running and then getting shocked before falling two floors, showing up with that hair, I was not prepared for everything else they were about to throw at me. Murdoc is one of my most favourite characters now, he’s so much fun, I adore everything about him, I’ve only edited with him twice and written him once, but I need to do both so much more! This one is hot as fuck, he’s adorable, he loves his son, he’s got tools, he’s utterly sadistic, he’s a silly little guy. This is another Perfect Man, I cannot wait to decide on his plot with Addy because there’s too many fun possibilities I honestly might just make multiple.

❣️ Honourable Mention - Willy Cunningham (The Domestics)

Now… you might all be thinking… why the hell is this guy a #2 honourable mention in the face of all the others… and the answer is… I’m a freak 😀 I’ll never say, but my eyes were opened to him, and my god, I will literally never be the same. I just need him and that insanely feral energy okay, lemme have this.

1.

💘 Love of my Life - Abner Krill (The Suicide Squad)

The love that started it all, I think I fell for him the moment he walked outta his cell and got teased. The love I feel for him goes so deep, it only compares to one other, and whenever I work on my plot for him and Addy I always get choked up. The ultimate one who didn’t deserve what he got, I actually refused to watch the movie again after he died, straight up did not watch until my marathon started, and as soon as I saw him in that cell it all came back. I instantly fell back in love with him, and thus his Addy plot has the most love put into it to make sure he’s happy and safe. I thought that maybe there’d be another to win my heart as my marathon grew, but nope he’s still there sharing it with my other #1, and seeing him can instantly bring a smile to my face no matter how I’m feeling. 

After the movie I read the trivia again and my crush on DD himself began, so it’s all thanks to him and Wojchek that I’ve met the people I know today and have created so many things in such a short time. When I hit my lowest low in years I just sat at my desk and held the funko I have of him and just cried it all out, and it honestly helped me get out of that spiral. Thanks to him I now have a Polka-Dot Man collection (still missing one figure and maybe a signed print and poster 👉👈🥰) and if I could get a plushie of him to join the ton I already have I’d buy him in a second. Maybe someday, if I have any courage, I’ll bring my funko or something to a con where DD is attending and get it signed, either him or my other #1, and I’ll cherish it forever.

❣️ Honourable Mention - Jude (Animals)

Like all the others, I went into this movie completely blind. I didn’t know DD wrote it or its significance to him until after it was over and the credits rolled. So the entire time I was watching I was falling in love with him, he was so incredibly my type in the moments he was actually happy that it’s insane, I spent the whole movie just saying how much I would date him in better circumstances. We were sadly betting which one of them was going to die as things just got worse, me and my sibling were watching so miserably, and then we were rewarded with a happy ending despite the bittersweetness. And then the credits rolled, after me repeatedly wondering why he’d accept a role like this after knowing at least about his addiction and it all fell into place. I haven’t been able to watch again so far now that I know a lot of what happened to Jude also happened to him, it breaks my heart too much, but I still love him deep down and I hope he was also able to heal after the credits rolled.

🔥 Hottest Role - Johnson (Reprisal)

Tied for first with Abner as the ultimate love of my life and claiming this one all to himself, Johnson is the Most Perfect Man. Literally, no other DD role can top him in my heart aside from Abner. I honestly almost skipped Reprisal entirely because the promo image on his imdb didn’t grab me (I’m such a fake fan I’m so ashamed of myself), but when I was done with everything else and wanted to see more, I downloaded it without ep9 since he wasn't in it, and started watching. What followed next was me falling so in love with the show that I spent forever trying to get that missing episode back from near dead torrents cause I needed to watch it even though he wasn't in it. Reprisal is my Roman Empire, I am constantly thinking about it and him and Matty, not just for my fic but just because I love it all so fucking much. 

Johnson himself is so fascinating, I’m incredibly in love with him and everything about him, he’s unlike any other role DD has played that there’s a complete disconnect in my mind, he’s just Johnson. He’s so goddamn hot I missed out on literally everything the first round because I was watching him so hard, Matty and Ethan were nonexistent to me and I’m madly in love with Matty now so let that sink in, and when I rewatched it immediately after with my parents it was like I was watching for the first time. I’m loving writing for him (and Matty and Ethan of course) so much that my thoughts go back to him daily, and it almost always includes me being on the verge of tears because of how insanely good this script is and how these boys bring me so much joy while also shattering my heart. 

Making the gif below no joke did make me cry like this show is my greatest weakness right now you guys don't even understand how much it and Johnson mean to me.

I need to edit more for him and them and the show in general, if I had endless money and all the confidence in the world I would truly fund this show single handedly so it can finish the way it was supposed to. I’m so mad at Hulu for giving me the greatest love(s) of my life before taking him away years before I’d ever know him, with no physical media or merch to at least collect to numb the pain. At some point I need to get some promo pics printed out as actual posters, I need this show on my wall so I can always see him.

[yukisohmasmokesweed]

hii as someone w selective mutism, and after seeing your post regarding yuki being mute, i’ve had this question that wouldn’t leave my head: were kisa and yuki actually selectively mute or was it due to traumatic mutism or something else? maybe i’m just self-projecting, but despite us being mute for different reasons (it is possible to have SM from trauma, though it is rare), i always saw myself in both of them when it came to their muteness (i’m really sad yuki being mute was only touched on in kisa’s ep and then never brought up again) so their characters mean a lot to me. just thought I’d bring this up and ask since there isn’t any discussion surrounding this and from the posts that i’ve seen on here, people just seem to go w kisa having SM (and by extension yuki) and just say that it’s canon. being the projector that i am, i also assumed it was but still never thought it was “accurate” rep but then again, does it have to be? regardless of how it’s shown in the anime/manga, i think we’re all entitled to our own opinions on this, and that no matter what we think caused their mutism, all opinions r valid! i’m just so curious on what your take on this is since no one mentions anything like this in specific.

hello! funny you send me this ask today because i just rewatched the first ep of the reboot last night for the first time in a looooong time and have been thinking about fb all morning! as far as i understand it, selective mutism is an anxiety disorder that can definitely be triggered by trauma, and that is how i read yuki and kisa. i'm sure you have a deeper understanding of it than me as someone with that experience, but in my research on this (which admittedly was a few years ago) it seems there is a variety of reasons why children are selectively mute, one of them being abusive environments and a predisposition to anxiety disorders. i would absolutely argue that both yuki and kisa have intense social anxiety, even outside of their mutism; and that yuki, aside from diagnosing him with something, is a perfectionist, and perfectionism often stops people from doing things.

i was also really sad yuki's mutism was only touched upon, so i actually wrote a whole fic about it! i think this is an incredibly interesting aspect of yuki's character. yuki in childhood has no autonomy at all: his life is controlled by his mother, then akito, and akito does not listen to him (or anyone). the other zodiacs ignore him, and he becomes tokenized as the rat instead of viewed as an individual. very often, yuki shrinks into himself as a reaction to this. he already has to keep physical and emotional distance from his peers due to the curse, and his oppressive home environment pushes him to even more extremes. i think so much of yuki's mutism is a maladaptive acceptance that he will never be listened to and that what he feels or thinks does not matter, and so he sinks into a depression where one of his copes is silence. even after this episode, he continues to be softspoken and keeps his cards close to his chest—which is why i love his relationship with kakeru so much, because kakeru coaxes him out of his shell. after meeting kakeru, he begins expressing his opinion more candidly and becomes openly emotional in ways that are supported by kakeru's view of him as a human being. yuki spends so much of his life being objectified as either the rat or the prince (both similar roles where he is being held to an extremely high standard that is only an archetype and robs him of individuality and humanity) and he plays the roles that are assigned to him. it is only when he is shown true love and acceptance through tohru that he can begin to learn who he is outside of those perceived roles, and allows him to express himself as yuki in front of kakeru, who never bought into the prince thing to begin with.

i think the other thing about fruits basket is that it is very tropey, and selective mutism in the way it is portrayed in fb is very much a shojo trope moreso than it is a real portrayal of a disorder. i don't think natsuki takaya is "trauma informed" as we would call it now, as it was written 20 years ago inside of a culture that notoriously does not take mental health seriously. i think yuki and kisa's mutism is very much a narrative choice, so i definitely agree with you re: what you're saying about "accurate" rep. anyway thanks for the ask and your serendipitous timing! thinking about that rat boy <3

[onethattwaddles]

Drama Twaddling: 'Queen of Tears'

WELL, well, well… That was quite a drama, huh?

Almost a week later and I’m still here nursing a clingy heart. I’m not ready to let go of BaekHong yeeeeeet. And I know I’m not alone on this one so here’s a little (not) drama talk from me. So sit back and grab a cup of coffee ‘coz this is going to be a looooong discussion.

Finally, after a long squiggly wiggly rollercoaster ride, we’ve reached the end. (Two special episodes coming, though. Weehee!) I can’t believe two months just flew by and starting this week, no more waiting for BaekHong weekend. Anyway, pat and applaud yourselves for making it through the rough journey. And as hard as it is, now we say bye-bye to our lovely (and we-emptied-your-tear-bags) royal couple, Baek Hyun-woo and Hong Hae-in.

First of all, this is definitely one of those I came in for the package, I stayed for the cast.

If there was one thing to be applauded about this drama, it’s the casting. They anchored the show. I’m serious–I'd give a hundred if the rating were out of ten. That much. Because I could NEVER imagine anyone else playing BaekHong’s roles as perfectly as Soohyun and Jiwon did. They were practically Hyun-woo and Hae-in acting themselves. They said they were a bit awkward in the beginning but where in the world do you find people just standing side by side screaming chemistry like, hello? The wedding photos? Hyun-woo said they probably only met twice when they shot those but it gives off legit pre-nups. In the drama, with every little touch, you get this small tingling feeling. It’s so natural that you don’t even notice they’re acting even if the camera angle screams “Look! He’s touching her!” The spark’s just… there. *chef’s kiss*

And speaking of the cast, of course we can’t leave out the rest of them. If the main leads were good the supporting cast did not fall short. From the Hong Family to the Baek Family, Queens Group to Yondu-ri folks, friendships to usurpers–everyone nailed their roles! Bruh, the Mother-Son duo never failed to make an eye roll every time they appeared on the screen. They had, not only BaekHong in chokehold but even the whole watch-nation. Park Sung-hoon portrayed Yoon Eun-sung so convincingly that I’m starting to think he’s getting hate messages from all his “You can hate the character but please not the person” talks. (Because if it is so, what is wrong with you people?! Edit: I just read about it and that seems to be the case. Seriously, people?! Can’t separate reality from fiction now?)

And if I have the most generous love for the cast, I’m sorry I can’t say so for the writing.

Storywise, uhh... there were a few that I think were a bit of a shame.

For example, the overly abused the stars-aligned-the-universe-is-on-our-side motif? I wish they just made it so that kid Eun-sung saved kid Hae-in, which would explain this abnormal obsession because, to quote him, he liked her first and he saved her from drowning. Like, at least give him a proper reason to obsess, Writer-nim.

Or I wish Hyun-woo knew it was Hae-in he met in high school and who owned that MP3 player, so there would be more meaning as to why he kept it all this time. Prior? No, that would defeat the whole thing. While dating or in their marriage maybe. I just hope they didn't make it seem like the stars aligned for them to meet, but that they're both fighting for the universe to be on their side like a real married couple would do (just like what our Queen did in that propose scene. Pfft!). Especially in their case where everything's not working out. I think we already got a lot of that universe-is-on-our-side with the Truck of Doom and notebook incident. (I think there were others but I can’t remember.)

One thing I loved about Park Ji-eun’s previous work (Crash Landing On You) is because of the memories in North Korea. Here, I would have loved to see more Yongdu-ri and less Seoul during their MIA era. And I mean more interaction between the villagers and the BaekHong family. Like Hae-in and Dahye hanging out with Mi-seon and her gang, or Mommy Hong and Mommy Baek hanging out with villagers, washing veggies, cooking, drinking, etc. like Daddy Hong and Daddy Baek did. (And where on earth did Hoyeol run off to, with four-something episodes left?)

Also (okay, at this point, it’s probably not a “few things”), I wish there was more something to our usurpers. You know, like what caused them to go a-la-Parasite on the Queens? Hello! Backstory? I know we got Eun-sung being a child out of wedlock but any more reasons how, what, why Moh Seul-hee exists and why she was so desperate to steal Queens? Why the Hongs in the first place? And who on earth is Grace? How did she connect with them? I feel like the time spent on the dragging scenes should have been spent on their backgrounds (Moh, Dahye, Grace), even for just a few seconds of flashback. But I guess the not-knowing-everything part adds to their mystery.

Finally, I did not sign up for the long-term residency in makjang alley, Writer-nim. I figured we'd have to step foot in but not that long. There were needless makjang moments just going round and round it got exhausting. RomCom suddenly logged out and was out of reach. (Can't deny the top-tier execution of our main leads, though. It was beautifully heart-breaking.) And those Germany honeymoon scenes in the BTS, where were they?! Hing~! TT

I love second-chance tropes, especially when it’s between married couples. That’s what intrigued me about this drama in the first place (of course, after seeing the cast). And I’m sad that this could have landed a spot on my number one list. The first half was good－pacing and all. I like how the usually slow and dragging scenes were cut short and compressed in a few minutes. However, as it advanced, some areas that didn’t need dragging got dragged whereas scenes that needed to be included did not make it which made it a little... and I’m just gonna shut my mouth. *zips*

By the way, I read someone on X saying Writer Park Ji-eun got this drama copyrighted in 2010－which explains why I got an early 2000s vibe from the premise (and the always-wrong turn of the second-half plot)－so I get it, this is from the treasure chest. But you had a 14-year chance to tweak it, Writer-nim! *wriggles her neck*

Hang it all! At least we got a “and they lived happily ever after” and that’s all that matters. (Also, Hong Soobin! We finally got to see you, girl! Welcome to the world! Huhuhu! Now give your papa and mama the best and long life.)

With all that said, it’s time to re-watch the whole thing… because why not? *winks*

(Update: I just finished rewatching and there’s only one thing I can say: you HAVE to rewatch it. It helps you see it in a bigger picture.

While rewatching and having long discussions with my sister who also just finished it, she was able to identify why I felt like the second half was dragging. The problem was really the last two episodes.

It suddenly felt like we were watching a different drama. The reason why we’re all ‘Queens (and Kings) of Tears’ is because we were watching Hae-in fighting to live, with her husband beside her through it all, going against the odds together. But in those last two episodes, I felt like a post-surgery Hae-in, suddenly lost and unaware of what was happening. I feel like if Hae-in survived the surgery and lost her memory, we didn’t need to see it anymore. The whole point of the show was to know if there was a cure for such an illness and if she survived it. But there was too much focus on the usurpers while so little information about their purpose.

Sis suggested something and I couldn’t agree more: end the show in episode 14 with the last scene of episode 16 just to show they lived happily ever lifetime. Honestly, the last two episodes were more of a fan service. While I have a few other minor comments (some mentioned above), let's just let go and move on. HAHAHA!)

[becauseimanicequeen]

RANDOM THOUGHTS: Deep Night ep. 7

The preview for this episode showed that a lot of focus will be on Wela (and, therefore, also Khem). I do hope I get some throuple moments as well. I mean, we just got a Seji and Pan kiss last episode (a kiss Ken saw) so there has to be some reaction to that in this one, right? Please, show, don’t disappoint me on this front!

I knew that girl would come back and bite everyone in the ass (not literally, though that would’ve been more fun to watch…).

The way James is standing between Great’s legs… I’m kind of annoyed we’ve only gotten crumbs of these two.

Seriously, iQIYI. Will you ever sub text messages and social media posts/comments? I won’t hold my breath, though…

Well, look at that! More Great and James crumbs! It’s funny how much I love them compared to the minimal crumbs we’ve been getting.

Fuck me! I’m 11 minutes into the episode, and this series is seriously making me fall in love with Seji and Pan’s relationship. So much so, I (of all people!) am questioning the thruple?! Hey, show, don’t fucking do this to me! I want poly! I need poly! Give me what you’ve been promoting, for fuck’s sake!

I don’t want to sway… *rocking back and forth*. I don’t want to sway… I need to calm down…

Btw, Seji is looking so fucking fine.

The way Seji hesitated before he said Pan was his boyfriend when he talked to Ken…

Poor Wela. His life is falling apart just because he wanted a job that paid well enough to pay off his dad’s debt.

At least he has Khem as emotional support.

Lol, people really have nothing better to do than take sneaky photos of others and whisper behind their backs. That’s so tragic…

Well, if that teacher was still Porsche’s daddy in Playboy, he would frequent the Deep Night Club for sure. As the teacher here, though?

Damn, Seji and Ken’s new routine looked like they were rolling around in the hay.

Hey, mom, where’s your girlfriend?

There she is!

Freya saying she’s old is the most bullshit thing I’ve ever heard in this series. It’s even more bullshit than all the verbal diarrhea coming out of Khem’s aunt’s mouth every time she shows up… Freya is anything but old.

All this talk about Pan and Seji eating each other but not doing it is killing me.

Oh, here goes!

Fuck, they were interrupted…

The way Seji stepped in front of Pan and the way Pan is hiding behind Seji! Why is this series doing this to me?!

Why the fuck are they standing on that table or whatever while the others are standing on the floor questioning them about their relationship? That’s so weird.

James is basically suggesting poly without actually suggesting poly. I love this man. He and I are on the same page (even though this episode is giving me whiplash).

OMFG! Not Khem showing Pan a threesome! (Even though it’s pixilated as hell, it looks like a scene from Playboy, doesn’t it? The one with daddy Aob, Puen, and a client.)

Pan said he didn’t want it, but I swear, he’s thinking about it.

Wait a fucking second! Is he actually thinking about it? As in fantasizing about it?!

OMFG! Yes. Here’s Ken too!

I swear, if Pan ends up doing what I kind of joked about him doing, I’ll go to heaven faster than a fucking rocket.

Shirtless Seji!

Shirtless Ken!

Shirtless Pan!

I fucking love that Pan fantasizes about him being the center of this throuple. It could also be how it actually turns out, though.

Thank every higher power that I’m back on the throuple train again!

What? Freya?! I thought they were girlfriends…

Khem taking care of Wela is my favorite Khem. A little emotional support can go a looooong way.

Come on Khem, teach your mom a thing or two about love.

I get Freya, though. If we ignore that she’s only using lame excuses not to be with Meji… Sometimes it’s easy to be accepting of others (like Freya accepting that Khem likes another boy) but not be as accepting of ourselves (like her own feelings for another woman). It’s a good thing Freya had Khem to reassure her that it’s okay to love, no matter who it is.

All three in the throuple seem to be having a lot on their minds. Is the throuple finally throuple-ing? Are we finally getting some real progress here?

Wait, why is Great sitting on the floor and drinking by himself? Is he afraid to tell James what he wants (considering James’ comment earlier in the episode)?

Khem is Ticketmaster in the flesh, handing out tickets for the club’s re-opening.

They are deliberately hiding the throuple from the preview, right? Showing just a little bit would spoil the whole climax, wouldn’t it? Or am I just being delulu enough to actually expect poly in the next episode?

Honestly, the only thing I remember from this episode right now are the throuple moments. The moments between Pan and Seji in the beginning, James and Khem hinting at poly, and then Pan actually fantasizing about it (and getting a boner). They better fucking make it happen in the next episode (since it’s the last one).

It’s a good thing I think my clown car is pretty and smells much better than a Wunderbaum air freshener…

[retrieve-the-kraken]

Heartstopper season 2 play-by-play analysis

This one is going to be looooong, because I delve deep into THAT scene (you know which one). The Paris Squad is back to reality, and for some it’s harsher than others, it’s facing some harsh truths and some changes and some situations that they’re not ready for… There are some very cathartic moments, and some not

Off we go!

EPISODE 7 - SORRY

- Love Tara’s super colorful, kind of 70s vibe bedroom decor, especially that bedspread.

- Tara’s mum’s exasperated face clearly saying “you really expect me to believe that you’ve been asleep in separate beds this entire time?”

- Nick’s smile fading as soon as he notices Charlie’s plate in the photo. And Charlie’s smile fading when Ben’s message comes through. Excuse me, Charlie, why haven’t you blocked him? Unless you did, and now he’s created a new account…? (Didn’t it use to say Ben Hope, and now it says ben_h_999?)

- Even better than Tara’s colorful room is Elle’s super artsy maximalist bedroom. Need to analyze every single element in it. I particularly love her bed, the wall color, that line of hanging leaves, and the flat metal solar system.

A little sad that we didn’t get to see the moment which inspired Elle to finish her art piece. Did she get over her artistic block before the terrible date with Tao? It would have been interesting to understand that, despite her new friendship with Naomi and Felix, she still found inspiration in her old friends.

- I love that Tao’s mum is not so traditional that she would object to her son dating a non-Asian, Black trans girl, but traditional enough that she’s spreading the news to all the aunties, like they’ve all been waiting for this, like they got together all the time and talked about when is Tao going to get his head in the game and get together with Elle??? “We’ve all been waiting for this day! The perfect girl for my perfect boy!” Also love that Tao’s dance moves are still as histrionic as ever.

- Sometimes I’m Tori, but when it comes to traveling, I’m definitely Charlie. But I’m definitely Tori when it comes to worrying about who’s that texting my little brother so insistently, making Charlie look sour.

- Both Tao and Elle changing their minds about what they were going to text, but in Tao’s case it’s because he didn’t want to be a downer, and in Elle’s case it’s because she hasn’t made up her mind because of Tao.

- I wonder why the stink smoke/aura cartoon around Darcy’s house is purple, when purple is supposed to be the color of queer pride… and there’s none of that in Darcy’s house.

- Isaac not even laughing off the funny comments of “ooh, they’re gonna kiss”. I think it’s interesting that the whole show is about not assuming people’s sexuality or gender identity just based on speculation or how they look or act or whatever, but it also shows that even queer people make that mistake. James assumed that Isaac was gay, and all of Isaac’s friends seem to be under the same impression, or at least think that he’s something… but nobody assumes he might be asexual. I know I talk enough about thinking that this person or that person is good-looking or beautiful or hot, that people assume that I’m talking about attraction. And maybe if your friend group is composed of couples, and mostly same-sex couples, people will assume “this one hasn’t found a mate yet, but they will”, because you’re likely to, just like the rest of them…?

- Ben’s intensity and guilt-tripping is just more proof that it’s about him, about what he wants, and not about what Charlie might want.

- Nick asking Charlie hesitantly if he wants to be his prom date, and Charlie being shocked, AS IF THEY WEREN’T ALREADY BOYFRIENDS AND CRAZY ABOUT EACH OTHER. Children, get a grip.

- Everyone pooling their money so that Darcy can buy the suit… my heart…

- Isaac talking to James really filled all the little holes and crevices in my heart, until James says “there’s nothing wrong with you… you probably just haven’t found the right person yet,” because of course he doesn’t get it either. Most people probably don’t. So that’s what we’re told our entire lives. It’s like we think we will, but it just doesn’t work that way…but nobody tells us that, so we keep looking and waiting and feeling disappointed and wondering if we’re broken.

- But Isaac shouting and ranting at his friends was sooooo cathartic‼ Sorry guys, but mind your own business!

- Elle’s exhibition outfit is so lovely‼ But… the light turning to a sickly green on Tao as he realizes that Elle has been accepted and she’s moving away and her life is changing and she has new friends and…

- Love that the light changes to red when Isaac is listening to the artist talk about being aroace… because being asexual is just as valid as any other sexuality about love. And the comic leaves beginning to flutter around him, because he’s beginning to understand, that maybe that’s him… “Crush culture makes me wanna spill my guts out…”

- Elle’s style is very nice, you can definitely see that she’s a fan of Renoir, of these still scenes that captures action and movement, albeit a subdued action, like a candid photo. I love that we get to see the art classroom tree again, even if only in painting, we only got a glimpse of that room this season, it is sadly missed…

- “Please don’t base your decisions on how I feel.” That is inevitable, but it’s good that you’re saying it. A lot of growth from Tao during the course of the season, well done.

- Ben looks like he hasn’t slept in days, and he literally traveled all the way to Lambert School (which, as Tao repeatedly has stated, is sooo far away), because he saw Elle’s post and he knew that Charlie would be there, and he’s still… hopeful? (Pun not intended). Charlie, what is this magic that you cast on boys that even the shittiest person in the world is torn up about you???

- By the way, yet more green in Ben’s jacket, because green is the color of hope. He’s wearing his heart on his sleeve for once. He looks tired and a bit disheveled, with dark circles under his eyes, like he hasn’t slept properly, and he looks desperate.

- THIS WHOLE SCENE. Man… this whole scene. Joe Locke and Sebastian Bash fucking hit it out of the ballpark. Let me just…

- “If you really hate me after this, you’ll never see me again”. Here’s the thing: Ben’s whole rant is still not an apology, he’s still not acknowledging the things he did to Charlie, especially not the awful assault, and excusing himself behind being messed up and the fear of not being accepted by his parents (it’s a valid fear, but it doesn’t validate his actions). The fact that he at least acknowledges that he was a shit person and that he admits that he really liked Charlie whilst genuinely smiling makes me think that he’s not completely beyond hope (again, pun not intended), BUUUUUUUT (and this is something the girlies out there need to understand, I’ve been seeing a lot of unfortunate comments complaining that Ben is being overly demonized, and whether that means that he should suffer forever and not have any chance at redemption…) if he really wants to redeem himself, if he really wants to be a better person and make up for the pain and trauma, then he’ll actually do the work, he’ll actually get help, and he’ll work from the ground up, and he’ll apologize to Imogen too, and he’ll stop discharging all his self-hatred onto other more vulnerable people, and downplaying their feelings and hurt. He really hasn’t grasped the magnitude of the hurt that he caused Charlie, and he’s not going to get anywhere until he does. So I’m glad that Charlie tells him, and maybe this time the information was actually absorbed. (I know in the comic this speech was actually Charlie’s response to Harry apologizing for being a homophobic bully, and as much as that was satisfying, the dry “NO” before shutting the door in his face was even more satisfying. Harry’s behavior did kind of deserve that whole speech, but Ben’s absolutely deserved it more, plus everything else that Alice added, because Charlie didn’t need that closure in the comic, and maybe comic Ben didn’t need it or want it either, or maybe he did, but TV show Ben ABSOLUTELY needed to hear everything that Charlie told him, so that he could finally get it in his head). “You don’t get to ambush me into forgiving you…”

- For a moment, as Ben is explaining that his parents would never accept him, Charlie looks a bit… sad… almost sympathetic. Yes, it’s terrible to know that Ben is not that lucky in that aspect as he is, or as Nick is, etc. But then you have someone like Darcy, who much like Ben, knows that her parents would never accept her. But Darcy would never have done to Tara what Ben did to Charlie…

- And it made me realize, back in season 1 episodes 1 and 2, when Charlie recounts how he met Ben, how they started out, there is no electricity, no heartstopper moment, even before Charlie first met Nick... at no point (that we can see, at least) Charlie ever felt the flutter and excitement that he experienced when he first saw Nick, when he was near him, when their hands touched for the first time, when they were about to kiss for the first time. It was like, deep down, he knew it meant nothing, because of the secrecy, because of how Ben treated him the rest of the time, how the "magic" was zapped as soon as Ben said something like "don't tell anyone about this" and wiped his mouth and just walked out without another word...

- Heartstopper does an excellent job of showing and talking about the importance of consent and agency and communication in healthy relationships, and every instance of how bad it was between Charlie and Ben is comparable to how great it is between Charlie and Nick. Whilst Ben didn’t ask before kissing Charlie the first time, Charlie actually asked Nick before they kissed, because he would never do to Nick what Ben did to him (and they do this in multiple occasions, vocally asking each other, like at the arcade, and at the park, and in that empty classroom), and Charlie even apologized because he still worried that he might have manipulated Nick into kissing him, possibly have taken away his agency; Nick didn’t ignore Charlie at school even when he was still closeted, whilst Ben acted like Charlie even randomly saying hi to him was a huge offense; Nick constantly talked with Charlie about figuring out his sexuality and possibly coming out once he did, whilst Ben just cuttingly said that he was “figuring stuff out” but not wanting to talk about it with Charlie, the only person he knew who might have understood; and whilst Ben was suddenly kissing a girl outside the school gate without telling Charlie anything about it, Nick immediately told Charlie that he panicked and accepted a date with Imogen, even when he had no plan of going, and how bad he felt about it and that he was going to fix it. Even Nick’s behavior toward Imogen is comparable to Ben’s, that he knew that Imogen liked him but tried to find the nicest, most gentle way of turning her down and then making sure they could stay friends afterwards, whilst Ben used her for popularity and just to keep up appearances whilst still pining over Charlie, and thus treating her horribly and ignoring her, and not even being discreet at all and openly ogling Charlie in front of her… The point is, even if Ben can’t come out to his parents because he’s afraid of being rejected, and even if he’s afraid of being out at school as well, being a shit person was still a choice he made. He took advantage of Charlie’s crush on him to treat him however he pleased, kissing him in dark classrooms, to fulfill his own wants, but being mean and disdainful in public, and knowing that Charlie would put up with it because Charlie had been bullied horribly and this was the first sliver of “affection” he received after being outed, and he couldn’t believe that this cute popular boy wanted to kiss him and he simply didn’t know he could have better (thankfully he knows that now). And now that the damage is done Ben realizes that he actually really, genuinely liked Charlie this whole time and wants to be forgiven just because he’s come to his senses?

- This is why Charlie’s response is the most fucking satisfying thing ever. He tells Ben very plainly the damage that he caused, but that he’s not allowing it anymore. There’s a difference between apologizing and asking for forgiveness: when you apologize, you’re acknowledging that you did something wrong and that you’re sorry and that you’ll do your best to learn from your mistakes, but also acknowledge that the other person doesn’t have to forgive you, whilst to ask for forgiveness does not necessarily mean that the person has realized the wrongdoing or that the wrongdoing won’t happen again, but instead just places the burden of basically putting the wrongdoing behind on the other person. Ben didn’t properly apologized as he said he would, instead placing the blame on the fact that outside factors have made him a messed up person (his parents, pressumably), and basically tacitly asked Charlie to see the good in him, to give him another chance. But Charlie doesn’t have to give it to him, he doesn’t deserve it. No Ben, if you really want to redeem yourself, if you really want “something good”, you’re going to have to work on yourself, work for it, and earn it. And leave Charlie alone, he doesn’t have to put up with you anymore. At least Charlie won’t have to see him anymore. Assault and abuse victims shouldn’t have to see their assaulters/abusers all the time, like a constant fucking reminder of a horrible event in their lives that they’re trying to put behind them.

- And you can see it in Ben’s face, the little flash of anger as his eye sort of twitches, and his nostrils flare a little, and his jaw clenches, because as much as he claims to like Charlie, he still probably likes or needs to be in control of him, and he’s realizing he really has no control over Charlie anymore, Charlie is not saying what he expected him to say or doing what he hoped he would do, but is instead telling him some very harsh truths, and he’s just going to have to deal with it.

- And now that he’s heard Charlie’s piece, now that he really knows what he’s done, Ben has a chance to start working on himself, starting by finding community, the beautiful rainbow wave inviting him in, to come and see for himself that he doesn’t have to be alone, that he doesn’t have to hate himself or be afraid or hurt anyone else anymore, that he can possibly have a fresh start… and he backs off and walks away… which is hard to see… as much as we hate Ben Hope, you wish he’d stop being a shit person, we don’t need more shit people in this world, but… things can’t be perfect, even on a show like Heartstopper… so Ben hasn’t started his journey toward redemption… yet. But hopefully he will eventually (again, pun not intended). We just won’t see it.

- (I wonder if this means that we’re definitely not getting that part of the story that converges between Solitaire, Alice Oseman’s first novel, and the comic if/when the storylines meet. As in, if the comic gets that far, are we still not getting that part of the story in the show? No more Ben ever, no Ben dating Tori’s friend Becky, no nasty encounter in the lockers?)

- I just realized that Nick and Charlie get back from Lambert and directly go to Nick’s house for the Nelson-Spring dinner. Charlie’s so chill, even after confronting Ben earlier, bantering and jokingly saying “mate”.

- Seriously, David is such a bully, and yet obviously still yearning for his father’s attention and affection… Meanwhile, you can tell that Sarah doesn’t really want to hang out with her ex, but she puts up with it because it’s important to her boys. And she’s wearing green too. Hope for this evening to go well…

- Again, Sarah reaffirms to Nick that he doesn’t owe it to his dad to come out to him, and I love that. Nick knows that but he doesn’t want to do it for his dad, he wants to do it for himself. It’s one less person to tell, but also being able to tell them in his own terms. Which his asshole brother nearly ruined completely.

- Tori monitoring the whole situation. Love you, Tori. And Sarah really struggling not to roll her eyes when Stephane says that rugby is a very attractive sport to women. Guessing that it didn’t work on her, or maybe it did and now she regrets it…?

- Stephane really being so oblivious as to why, during one of his very sporadic visits, Nick's "friend" and his whole family are invited to dinner...

- Jenny Walser really nailed Tori’s death grip on David. Love you, Tori. And David looking a bit intimidated...? Bet he wasn't expecting that...

- This scene is so well done, the build up to it, Nick’s spiel, Stephane looking around and realizing “oh I really was the only one who didn’t know”, and Sarah smiling when Nick says he likes who he is and his life, and her arguing with David and Stephane, and everyone looking tense. Everyone’s so good at every instant, even in the most subtle reactions.

- Sarah basically saying “yeah, I don’t understand why your father doesn’t care about you, he has no idea what he’s missing”, and then hugs him as if to reassure him that she does care about him and loves him. Olivia Colman really is the perfect Sarah.

- Nick owning his dad with that goodbye. And Stephane not remembering where David goes to uni… David also needed to hear that maybe his dad is not as great as he hoped, and realizing that he really needs to do better.

- Again, Jenny Walser is the perfect Tori. She’s equal parts uninterested and protective. Do not mess with her or anyone she cares about, David, you pathetic little man.

- Sarah making a point of assuring Jane that Nick really cares for Charlie, because she probably can tell that Jane is not entirely fond of Nick. (I’m thinking Nick probably told her about Charlie being grounded for spending too much time with him, and the way that Charlie’s mum is with him, probably). And I love Tori telling Nick in the background “your brother’s a prick” and I need to know what she said or what he responded because they both smiled at each other conspiratorially. Probably something along the lines of “I kicked his phone for good measure”, “well done, he deserved that”).

- Nick has been mostly focused on his predicament about whether coming out to his dad or not, and suddenly realizes that Charlie’s eating disorder is still manifesting…

- Darcy’s home situation is very similar to Aled and Carys Last's in Radio Silence. Even though Isaac is the replacement of Aled in the series, so far we only see the ace spec aspect of Aled reflected on Isaac (I mean, his mum seemed nice in that school scene, but what do we know), whilst we know from the comic that Darcy’s home life is difficult, but we don’t get much detail, and I think Alice used the show as an opportunity to give Darcy the Aled’s mother storyline from Radio Silence, to show us an awful reality of many queer teens, those that aren’t lucky like Nick or Charlie or Tara or Elle or even Tao… a lot of teens don’t have the support they wish they did at home, the unconditional love that a parent is supposed to have for their children, queer or not. And it’s not easy to escape that. Either you find safe haven in parts of that “home”, or you put up with it, or you get the hell away from them, but as a minor, how do you get away and make it in the world? (I sincerely wish there was a way to prevent people from becoming parents unless they were actually willing to accept their children no matter what. You can’t choose what your children will be, and you can’t force them to become what you want them to be, so just… don’t fucking have children if all you’re going to do is make their lives miserable.)

- So Darcy chooses to get away from that situation, at least temporarily, but… once she’s out of the house, she realizes that she doesn’t know what to do now. Where is she supposed to go? She puts up this front of a girl who’s very confident in her sexuality, whilst she’s not even out to her mother who clearly would not take it well… so she’s full of shame, and she doesn’t call anyone or tell anyone where she’s going, because that would mean having to explain. And now I'm devastated...

This episode is brought to you by the ACEUPHORIA™.

[thedeathdeelers]

https://www.tumblr.com/xiaofengs/751645650747326464?source=share

Helloo! I just finished lovely runner like 2 days ago and the way it has grabbed me by the throat uffff

I just wanted to talk about this scene and the way he calls out for Sol (also how it's someone else but he thinks it's Sol eeeeeeekkkkkk!!!!) Just the pure devastation on his face, like look at his eyes man!!! I'm trying so hard not to start my rewatch right away 😭😭

(Also i just went through your blog and liked a bunch of stuff because I'm obsessed with the show and I need to cope 😂😅)

My friend was pushing me to watch it for a while but I just couldn't find the time to watch it. And I was a bit apprehensive at the first episode but then- but then, they showed how he liked her firsttttt!!!!!!! And then it just kept getting better and better!!! Sun jae was just such a cutie and an absolute loserrr (affectionate) and then threw in some good angst 🥹😭😭 it was just amazing!!

And then I decided, oh I need more, so i decided to look up the drama on here and see people (like you!!) writing such amazing commentary on the show that it's making me even more obsessed whew! 😆😅

This is getting long I'm sorry, but that salon drip youtube interview where the host is just squealing is literally me, they're super cute together, i hope they do more projects where they're the leads together!!! I need it!!!

Okay have a lovely day/evening! 😁

hi hello!! welcome to the “holy crap that was the best kdrama im going to be obsessed with this for a WHILE” club!

ugh yes that scene!!!! byeon woo-seok did such a good job at portraying so much just through his eyes!! it’s years and decades and timelines of memories just fully pouring in all at once — all the feelings he couldn’t explain and the weird scenes he kept seeing and the dreams!! all of them finally making sense! every puzzle piece falling into place

and then he gets hit with the emotions - falling for sol for the first time, witnessing the first timeline where he doesn’t save her on time, where she hates him and doesn’t want to live

to then jumping to the next timeline where she’s hugging him out of nowhere and knows his name- to falling for her even more and more. to more timelines and more precious moments with his sol; to confessing once twice three times and finally getting that reciprocated. it’s just-

he’s been living his entire life (4th timeline) walking this earth not realising this precious thing he’s been missing out on…even tho deep down he’s known. something was missing, was somehow longing for something but he just didn’t know what

and suddenly it all makes sense!! because of course it’s sol!!! ofc it’s her. she’s the reason. she’s what’s been missing

and he’s happy he’s remembering and devastated he ever forgot and lived 34 years without her without her memories or presence or existence. he’s so conflicted and everything is a mess but all he does know is he needs to go to her immediately. he needs to find her and hold her and never let her go.

no but honestly this show has grabbed me like no other show has in a looooong time- i know what you mean by the rewatch hahah! i tried to delay it as much as possible (i lied to myself) thinking it would feel more like watching it for the first time..but i caved so quickly

(also hahah i love that!! glad my slightly unhinged posts could help! 😂 it’s what they’re there for!)

yeah the first couple episodes are bit questionable when you don’t know what’s happening but as soon as they hit you with the end of ep2 plot twist…..you’re hooked. there’s no going back- and it’s so so worth it! so glad you kept going

please never apologise for coming into my inbox to talk about LR i’m here 24/7/365 for this

(sorry for the essay :$)

[foxgloveinspace]

Foxglove Lore, definitive edition:

Note: I use he/him pronouns for Sleep. If you don’t that cool, but the only time Vessel as every spoken about Sleep he used he/him for Sleep.

My main sleep token lore/thoughts is this:

‘My Lore’ is that it’s a conversation between Sleep and Vessel, the songs can switch pov, some songs are sleep songs, some songs are Vessel songs, some are both.

Vessel has powers. (Option one he is human born with them, option two is that he is a fallen god.)

(If we are going with the first, Vessel is just dealing with abandonment issues, from people all around him because of these powers. They see him as different, off putting, and they avoid him. If we are going with the second, then it’s all of that + being a god and remembering slowly as he grows older ‘hey I was a god and I fell?? And I’m remembering this??’ But then also what did Vessel fall for? Why do the other gods cast him aside? A human? Another god? I’m think atm it was a worshiper that he got too close with. Her death causing him to fall. (I also think that this, this ‘the other gods casting him aside’ thing can be symbolic of how it feels to go through a depressive episode or even just being neurodivergent, and how it feels like other people who care about you can ‘cast you aside’ by not listening or understanding what your feeling.) The gods are all busy, and his ‘god-mother’ (maybe someone who created him? A god who granted him god-hood the first time?) has turned her gaze because she can’t bear the sight of him human (again?). And so Sleep, an old as fuck, ‘small’ god steps up. A very ‘us against them’ moment.)

Sleep wants Vessel (at first) just for his powers, and he promises Vessel control over them (or a way back to god-hood) in exchange for his worship and being his Vessel. Vessel, desperate for control, agrees, and at first it seems like Sleep is keeping up with him, helping with these powers (or helping him find paths to god-hood).

Love in the songs = Control. Over Vessels powers, or over how he gets to Heaven to be with the other gods. But just. Control in some ways. And honestly, love can be very controlling, so maybe it does Also Mean Love.

Some Vessel songs are about Sleep, and some are about the ?follower? Who he fell for.

One of Sleep’s blessings is the ability to communicate with this person while Vessel is asleep. She doesn’t remember her past life, and so it’s only when Vessel is asleep can she remember with him/he is with the ‘old’ her. I think he did find her, and she’s different. (Idea has been floating around because of @/bluesey-182, and I have agreed with it for a looooong. But credit where it’s due!! (If you see this and want me to actually tag you just let me know!)).

One is all from Vessel’s pov. It’s the beginning, it’s right as Sleep finds him, and he’s completely lost, and thankful for Sleep’s intervention, but unsure of how things should go. He is bending over backwards for Sleep, and separates himself into two, awake he is Vessel, and asleep he is a god. In both he is letting go of everything to be loved. Awake he is waiting for Something to give, asleep he is in denial of it.

The two songs of Two are from Vessel’s pov. I think Nazareth is a Sleep song, and I think it’s the first one.

Jaws is from both POV. It’s an argument, it’s Sleep wanting Vessel to be his chosen one, and Vessel fighting it.

Sundowning is about Vessel’s realization that even tho Sleep is sort of keeping up his end of things, he’s not doing it in a productive way. It’s him realizing that Sleep likes Vessel as he is. (Sleep Songs: Dark Signs, Take Aim, parts of Give, Drag Me Under, parts of Blood Sport) it’s also Sleep realizing that while he does like Vessel as he is, he’s actually falling for Vessel. But by the time he realizes he need to hold up his end of the bargain, it’s too late.

TPWBYT is Vessel waking up after having attempted to take his own life, realizing that Sleep isn’t going to help him the way he wants, and now Sleep won’t let him die. It’s also Sleep trying to convince Vessel he really is on his side now, and trying to convince him to be his Vessel after the attempt. (Sleep songs: Mine, Fall For Me, Distractions, but he is present in Most Songs on this album.) I also think something that happens in this album is that Sleep shows Vessel the reincarnation of the person he fell for, who is now doing fine and happy. It’s a Moment for Vessel, to realize that his falling was more hurtful then good.

TMBTE is Vessel becoming a god again. Or, being put on the correct path to becoming a god again (or, being out on the path to control his powers). It’s letting go of the hurt that caused him to fall, and him realizing that god-hood (control) (healing) is more important than holding onto the hurt/abandonment/falling. He has Sleep in a better grasp, he knows where he needs to go, and there’s ups and downs on the journey. (Sleep Songs: there isn’t actually a lot of Sleep present in this album. I think it’s Vessel doing what he needs to do, worshipping and letting go. It’s why this album feels so different from the others. Sleep is present but only as a feeling, not as someone speaking. The only time he is really there is AYRO? And DYWTYLM. And even then it feels more like Vessel sharing from Sleep’s perspective then it Being From Sleep).

I think the main difference from this version, and my original theory is that in the og one, I thought Sleep was bad. I though

[blueikeproductions]

Transformers EarthSpark has been a fun ride so far. Easily the best cartoon we’ve had since Beast Wars and Animated (anyone who knows me knows why I don’t lump Prime and Cyberverse in that category), it’s full of heart, actual characters, and an intriguing concept in the Terrans and what they represent in a post war, trapped on Earth situation.

I’ve always had mixed opinions on a repentant Megatron, and while I think MTMTE managed to make it work (albeit not without some cheating), Cyberverse completely fumbled that concept, so I wasn’t sure about a similar repentant Megatron working with the Autobots here. Thankfully it’s handled surprisingly very well, and I think it helps that on top of not dwelling on the specifics too much, this Megatron is actually quite friendly and chipper. This is a Megatron who genuinely and sincerely believes in cooperation and isn’t hampered by millennial depression (MTMTE), stereotypical Twit/Tum unhinged villain blinded by ego and pride that just needs a hug and kisses troupe (Cyberverse), and is willing to put aside old grievances for the betterment of Transformers and humans on Earth. This is not without its conflict as Megatron harbors some resentment to GHOST and their treatment of renegade Decepticons (shown in particular when he and Optimus are trying to wrangle the cassettes), but still believes in the Earth-Cybertron Alliance through the Maltos.

The Maltos are also a fun return to human allies that I’ve missed since RiD15 and Bumblebee. The kids and their bond with the Terrans are handled well, kind of a Pokémon/Digimon/Bakugan style bond that I adore, Dot’s friendship with Megatron and slight disdain for Optimus is hilarious in a meta sense and Alex is just a delight. I’m a sucker for unapologetically, openly nerdy characters and Alex tics all those boxes for me. His growing friendship with Bumblebee is also very sincere and sweet, despite his quirky fanboy habits.

Bumblebee reprising his reluctant leadership/mentor role is really fun too. As a huge RiD15 fan, it’s really cool to see concepts from that revived (so when can we expect EarthSpark Steeljaw? 👀), and in a way I’d argue the concept is a little better here. Thrash and Twitch are more curious little kids vs Sideswipe and Strongarm’s teenage shenanigans, so seeing Bee have to gently wrangle “little kids” as a well meaning but slightly put upon teacher and annoyed uncle figure is a fun pivot to the dynamic.

I’d say RiD15 and now EarthSpark Bumblebee are hands down my favs (outside G1 Bee). Somewhat surprised Will Friedle didn’t reprise the role, as we got Steve Blum back as Starscream. Ah well. I like Huey Duck being the voice here all the same.

This is hands down the best Optimus we’ve had in a long time. The dorky dad that can crack a joke and be strong enough to be gentle was sorely missed and his triumphant return is the first time I’ve enjoyed an Optimus again since Cybertron Optimus and Animated Optimus. So for me personally it’s been a looooong while. Way too long. It’s also the first time I’ve liked a modern Optimus design. It’s the right amount of stylization and hybridization, being more of a pleasing blend of G1 and Cyberverse. I know his face was a meme for awhile, but I actually quite like his face, and I think it helps that this Optimus also has more range than “stoic old man”, so having a more stylized and expressive face really works here.

Mandroid is also a fun villain in the absence of a primary Decepticon leader atm. He is a great blend of Dr. Archevil and Circuit Breaker, and a very threatening presence we haven’t had since Dr. Morocco (and to a lesser extent Cilas). He’s not used as much as I would’ve expected to be honest, and while there’s still plenty of episodes to go, I’m surprised his ability to lobotomize Decepticons into doing his bidding isn’t played up more. He only does it once, and immediately goes into trying to harvest parts and relying on his ArachniMechs. I love the spider bots, and I enjoy that they have personality despite being mute, but it still seems odd to have Mandroid be able to control Decepticons but abandon the idea just as quickly vs easily defeated spiderbots. Still very interested to see where they take him.

I was worried Thrash and Twitch were going to be the only Terrans, but thankfully we got more in Hashtag, Jawbreaker and Nightshade. I’d say out of the bunch Twitch, Hashtag and Jawbreaker feel the most fleshed out. Twitch goes through the most development and gets the most focus, Hashtag has a very loud, excitable personality that’s hard to ignore, and Jawbreaker is a lovable dimbulb. Thrash … just kinda exists. His spotlight episode with Mo and Swindle I felt was the weakest episode, cast as the dorky, semi impulsive kid brother who doesn’t seem to grow beyond that. His relationship with Mo is very sweet, but that’s really all he has going for him and I hope that changes. When compared to his more “accomplished” sister Twitch, he has nothing… Nightshade has a similar problem, where I do like them quite a bit, but for better or worse, their only noteworthy thing is being the first non-binary Transformer in a kids cartoon, with the brief pronoun bit being held under unfortunate scrutiny by some factions. What I can glean is they’re very theatric, chipper, loyal, but also easily intimidated as Nightshade was scared of Mandroid. I hope Nightshade, like Thrash, gets better screen time and more to do so they can better prove themselves and become one of the standout characters. (I also hope they have a Beast Mode. What little is seen of their non Protoform Robot Mode implies a bat motif, but they may just be a car or jet in the end as of typing). Hashtag they clearly have the most fun with, with her bombastic personality. It looks like she may Transform into a car, which I’m not sure I like, because I liked Thrash and Twitch’s bike and drone modes as something more unique for Terrans. But I think I may have expected something else because her name is Hashtag and that has associations with phones and computers. If she were to have a Beast Mode, I would’ve leaned into a cat for LOLCAT shenanigans, lol. Her regular Robot Mode also seems a little plainer than I would’ve expected, looking like a recolor-retool of Bumblebee which gives me bad CV Lockdown vibes, but that’s me being nitpicky.

I have noticed an observation pointed out to me that EarthSpark isn’t really being talked about in any major capacity. I’d argue that it was, it’s just we only at 10 episodes and people greatly enjoyed them and already said what they needed to say. If I were to pick it apart, I feel like possibly the reason it’s not being discussed too much now is because the only “good” episodes for some are the first episode, the Soundwave episode and the “season finale”, as those seemed to be discussed at great length at the time, while the remaining episodes were just the kids and Terrans screwing around with guest characters and weren’t … as strong or memorable. All fine episodes, the Wheeljack episode is a personal fav, but I guess they’re not quite what people expect from Transformers either which feeds into lack of discussion. There’s also the TF YouTube which has been spamming streams of Robots in Disguise 2015 and Cyberverse every day, and barely advertises EarthSpark… Most of the recent clips are from Prime and Beast Wars which isn’t helping… The toys also aren’t out yet my way as of typing, so maybe having the toys out will help?

[aboutiroh]

I have no interest in Legend of Korra, I watched the first three episodes of season 1 and all I could think about was communism. I'm sorry

So much to unpack here

First of all, I love that you’ve ended this message with an apology as if you owe me one, as if I ever advised anyone to watch and enjoy Legend of Korra on this blog. You don’t have to like the show. You don’t even have to like atla (I say with more pain in my heart, and a little disbelief no matter how sincere I try to be).

I haven’t watched LoK in a looooong time so I don’t remember what exactly happens in the first episodes but I’m pretty sure that at no point did I go ‘ugh, so much communism on this show’. I’d ask you to elaborate, but like I said, you don’t have to explain yourself. It’s just funny that out of everything that could lead you away from this show, somehow it was an overwhelming feeling of communist propaganda.

I really don’t know what to tell you, anon. I hope you weren’t expecting an in-depth political analysis of the show or maybe a funny oneliner. I can tell you that the first three episodes of atla, while pretty compelling, could never fully encompass the greatness of the show. I do think LoK is a pretty good show, but if you don’t think it’s your cup of tea, then don’t watch it.

[outrunningthedark]

sometimes i scroll by those posts talking about streaming culture making it impossible to avoid spoilers and i’m just. what exactly do you think life was like before netflix? if you did not watch a new episode on the exact date it aired along with the other 10/15/20 million being recorded by Nielsen, you were gonna find out what happened by, oh, 8 AM the next day. If anything, streaming culture IS better in that you can go back and watch an episode when you want. there was a time when watching reruns could take a looooong time because syndication required more episodes than it does now, and not every show made it that far, ofc.

[adrienette-evermore]

why is illusion both funniest episode of miraculous and also one of the most heartbreaking

[ichayalovesyou]

Star Trek is A Life Raft

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the nature of my hyperfixation with Star Trek the way I tend to do with most of the things I feel like I might be obsessing over “too much” because my self hypercriticality never sleeps even if my body does.

I’m always afraid, however rightly or wrongly, that I will develop an unhealthy relationship with a piece of media that’ll somehow consume my life and alienate me from my peers. Even though it never actively sabotaged my life, nor alienated me from anyone I felt was worth keeping in it.

Still, I keep asking myself “Why can’t I let this one go? Why won’t it let me go? Why can I not talk about it, even when it’s not immediately relevant? Even around strangers who have no clue what I’m talking about? Why is it always in the back of my mind even when I’m hyper focused on other things?” even though I know part of that is me being neurodivergent, I know a lot of it just… isn’t.

I don’t associate Star Trek with the feelings I associate with my normal hyperfixations, I wouldn’t even call it a special interest, my love for it is derived from the same place my creative passions come from. The same place where my desire to create gives me, not to be dramatic, but my will to live comes from. That everpresent spiritual need to write and to analyze and to draw and to sing and to make videos comes from the same emotions I associate with this fictional universe.

I was writing fanfiction (poorly disguised as original material) for this universe before I even knew what fanfiction was (let alone accepting the fact that it was okay to write and to love it). I have an incredibly distinct memory of the summer between elementary and middle school, right as my best friend and I were getting a little “too old” to play pretend. We were basically role playing TNG in his backyard, or more like, I was being a bit of a control freak and infodumping and drawing about it. I realized he wasn’t having fun, so we stopped, and I told him how important Star Trek was to me and how I wanted to make something just like it. It was then, at the ripe age of 12, that I realized I desperately wanted to be a writer. It is a dream I have not let go of since, that has Star Trek inherently baked into its core.

Looking back on it, there is no part of my life that hasn’t been touched by Star Trek in some way. I literally don’t have memories of that show not being at least in my peripheral. (Time to get VERY EMOTIONAL under the cut!!)

I could hear my parents watching Voyager after I was sent to bed when I was really little. Janeway and Chakotay’s voices are almost as familiar to me as my parents’ voices. No matter how long the bouts between me trying to finally finish the series are 😅

I first watched Star Trek myself (instead of it just being on in the distance while I was in bed) when I was about 5 or 6 years old. The first episode I watched was Yesteryear, I watched Spock get bullied and feel like an outcast who just wasn’t normal, and imprinted on him like a duckling long, looooong before I watched TOS.

I got introduced to TNG right as my parents separated and my mom got together with a more… unpleasant, partner. I would stay up late or hide in my closet watching TNG through the Netflix app on my iPod to drown out their disagreements and to stave off my nightmares. I would pretend and theorize that maybe I was an Android like Data when I couldn’t figure out social situations in elementary school. I even auditioned for my high school’s drama class using Picard’s closing defense of Data from “A Measure of A Man”. I couldn’t think of anything else more powerful than that that I could possibly deliver, even if we were technically told to do one from a play. I took the L of getting a couple points taken off for that because it was inherently, extremely important to my 15 year old self to say those words out loud on stage to my peers even if I couldn’t articulate why. As if, through emulating Picard defending Data, I was advocating for my own personhood.

I watched most of DS9 (and a bit of Voyager) with my earbuds in to tune out the overstimulation I didn’t know I was experiencing through middle and highschool. Like the rest of my life, I was using Star Trek as a life raft to cope with a world that would not accept or accomadate me as I was. The inherent (if accidental) transness of many of the characters in DS9 helped me cope and understand when my sibling came out as non-binary to my family and our mother had a very hard time accepting it (as did I, who doesn’t inherit their parents misgivings). I got attached to Julian very quickly, and YEARS later, during the pandemic, I realized why the gender complexity made me so uncomfortable. Bashir, in all his awkwardness and half-earned cockiness, in all his rebellion against what his parents designed him to be, he would help me realize that I too was trans. 🏳️‍⚧️

When the pandemic hit, I got very, very isolated very quickly (as did we all). I also quickly, violently learned “do not kill the cringe inside of you, kill the part of you that cringes” which made me finally stop acting like I had any pride to lose and to actually watch TOS. Returning to Spock after many, many, many years of deliberately avoiding The Original Series. Not only did I discover the shocking amount (to me at the time) of excellent, timeless social commentary therein. More important than that, more than exploring the unknown, more important than knowing the right thing, more important than anything else, is the power of friendship. The triumvirate is the beating heart of that series. Most especially, the bond between Spock & Kirk. It is an incredibly rare thing for a relationship to bend reality, break time, transcend labels, and even transcend death the way that theirs does. To reach for someone who seems to be farthest from you. It’s something I continue to be in awe of, transcending brotherhood, transcending friendship, transcending romance, there’s something strange, even queer about it 🏳️‍🌈. I may even be so bold as to say, that after ten years of defiantly durable friendship, I may have realized I have a t’hy’la of my own. ❤️

Then, again, like it always does, as huge changes for better and worse in my life rock me to my core. As I wade into the waters of becoming an independent young adult, Star Trek is there to hand me a desperately needed life raft, and yet I need it more and less than I ever have. Characters like Spock, Data, and Julian Bashir were touchstones of my figuring out who I was as a kid. My sense of connection to Captain Pike (and the shows in which he’s featured) is something new. A life raft based in the things I know I am, and striving to become.

I could, and have already as much followers can attest, go on and on about the many facets of this character that I recognize in myself. He has given myself (and I’m certain others who identify with him) a great many gifts. This is the first time in my life that a male character in a position of power exhibited the same kind of masculinity I identify with the most, and that it was received by fans and in-universe as something overwhelmingly positive. The mere notion of it gives me an overwhelming sense of gender euphoria. As a trans man who doesn’t quite fit and never will, visually or in personality, the typical expectations of masculinity.

His struggle lies in allowing others to help him, when he builds himself around supporting others, something I also relate to. His struggle with impending disability is one with which I’m achingly familiar. The questions his sacrificial destiny raises regarding the religions he grew up influenced by. That innate desire to foster others and a need to be needed. Being unable to prevent himself from throwing his entire being into the work he is passionate about. He’s even given me an avenue through which to heal from some of the more, intimate, ways I was abused. I can’t put into words how much that means to me. Nor how healing it has been to let myself be so unashamedly attracted to someone and willing to explore that in a written, creative way.

The best part is that Pike really is just some guy! He’s a good one, but his strengths lie in the balancing act of knowing he is unremarkable while also understanding how valuable his personhood is to others. He is content with who he is, he doesn’t need to make history in a tangible way. He just needs to focus on being alive, and being kind, and knowing he’s not alone. Pike becomes (like I have) somebody who can reach out to those characters that are convinced they are completely alone in the universe (like Spock) and tell them it’s okay, and that they’re gonna be fine even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. His relationship to Spock and to his crew, that sense of compassion and paternity, at this point in my life I live in the between space of serving as a paternal figure and desperately needing (and even finding!) one. Realizing you’re not the center of the universe, but not alone in it, and being okay with the person you’ve become is a quintessential step across the threshold of childhood into being a happy adult. Captain Pike has, and still is, profoundly helping me do that.

People always talk about transformative works but, how are you supposed to feel when a single universe transforms you three, four, five times and still counting? How are you supposed to be normal about something that you can contribute most of your most personal moments self-realization to? Why would you EVER want to be normal, when a piece of fiction has done so much for you that not even one of the longest social media posts you’ve ever made hardly scratches the surface of how you feel about it? That every social media post, text, discord comment, or rant you’ve ever done about the topic doesn’t break the surface of the depth of your obsession? Of it’s meaning for you?

And I’m sure I’m not the first, only, or let alone the last person to feel this way about the franchise. I mean, just look at us!! Look at what we’ve done! What Star Trek and it’s insane, beautiful, unhinged Trekkies have done for the world! We reach for the stars, pull beautiful love stories out of the woodwork, save whales, create elaborate fanzines and costume culture. I couldn’t be more proud to be just one part of it in its 55 year legacy! Couldn’t be happier to be a Trekkie, there really isn’t anything else like it.

So maybe I should be okay, maybe it’s okay to find myself unable to stop talking about it. It deserves to be talked about.

LLAP 💚🖖🏻💚

[dull-c]

last night was a biggie, rewatch-wise! i got through tkk movies part 2 & 3 and the first three episodes of ck. assorted mixed-up thoughts underneath the cut w/ varying degrees of coherency

psa: the below thoughts contain occasional subjective opinions from my dumb brain and those opinions should be given the respect they deserve (which is none) 

tkk2: -honestly a solid sequel and i didn’t have a lot of thoughts on this one, because fr i was mainly chinhands-ing at everything kumiko did, and trying to work out the physics of chozen’s boobs. but look, here’s a couple i remember: -daniel really declared his love for miyagi at the airport gate like it was a proper romcom, he said that man’s my dad now and i’m his son sorry college bet

-ok no but really, they love/d each other so much and it makes me unhinged!!! that scene with them on the beach made me cry and cry

-was that bd wong?? -very nice of sato to say to miyagi ‘i will give you three days to mourn before i kill you, out of respect to the man whose still-warm corpse we are currently kneeling alongside’. ok thanks man -arrrrrrms -i got a little distracted at one point thinking about what johnny was doing during the events of the movie and if his neck still twinged sometimes and then i got even more distracted thinking about how i read somewhere once that one of the options floated for the third movie was bringing back johnny and then i got really, really distracted thinking about how good that coulda been, but then decided that i didn’t want it because if that had happened there might not have been a cobra kai, a terrible show that i am in love with speaking of the third movie……………

tkk3: -wheeeeeeeeeew boy. i have not rewatched this one since i was a child and i gotta say, i’m with ralph on this

-kudos to TIG tho for chewing the absolute life out of the scenery and providing some comedic respite from the racial slurs and whatever else was going on with this movie.

-(the randee cameo was nice too) -something that did strike me – the daniel in this one really felt a lot like ck daniel. i mean, they all do at various times (ck okinawa daniel feels like tkk okinawa daniel and etc), but there was something timely about the daniel in this one that really felt like oh. you know? the self-recrimination, the scattershot anger, the rambling and flailing and loss of control. i think because i hadn’t seen it again since looooong before watching ck, it really gave his actions in s4 a little more clarity for me. of course he’s clinging to miyagi do, of course he is. of course the random outbursts of anger are coming back. of course he’s terrified of terry winning and wanting to stop him at all costs. of course he’s going to spiral of course. it wasn’t like i *didn’t* get it before but it made it hit a little harder you know? and i am very scared about s5 and i need to protect this pretend man

aaaaaand we are onto ck!! already!! so much for moderation! (sidenote: daniel-enjoyers, i highly recommend going straight from watching tkk movies to watching ck. it is a Trip to see how very little his mannerisms have changed over the years. he really is that bouncy little guy!!! he just got old. which i mean, that’s exactly the case, it is the same guy playing the same guy, and of course he is still him, but it is still delightful to observe somehow. it made my heart do things)

anyway, thoughts on ck s101 -jlawz looks good with a beard but it probably smells so bad  :( -also i always forget his first audible sentence is “great, more immigrants” and i think it’s because i repress it on purpose. -in the same vein. if i ever have to hear anyone talk about laura lawrence’s vag again i will walk into the sea -baby brace-face miguel is a sweet little angel. i know he and johnny are like miyagi and daniel redux but it’s cute how they’re kinda the mirror of them, rather than the copy. miyagi saves daniel, miguel saves johnny. johnny and daniel remain ridiculous no matter what; the true constant of the saga -not to say that driving away from a scene of an accident is a good thing to do but i would also drive away from drunk jlawz while he was having his little flashbacks breakdown too so.....??

-god the kids are all such wee babies in s1. mute lil eli! teeny nihilist demetri! adorable babby aisha with the science puns we hardly knew ye! (the show only cutting her, out of all the kids, gives sus vibes, but gonna save that rant for another time)

-both funny and deeply sad that while johnny spent all these years building daniel up in his head as the root of all the bad things that ever happened to him, daniel just assumed they were on really great terms (“friends and family discount” please i’m sick). he rly took ‘you’re alright larusso’ to heart while you know, johnny walked away and got almost killed and it felt like daniel’s win and by extension daniel took everything from him. i mean, that’s not even subtext right? it’s not that i don’t get it. but i do feel a little hurt on daniel’s behalf because he’s being so immediately, instinctively kind to him. maybe there’s a hint of smugness about the win and unintentional condescension in the mix but he really does spend the majority of the whole several minute interaction giving johnny free stuff and telling him how pretty he still is and just visibly beaming at him and i’m [sticks entire fist in mouth and screams] - jlawz deciding in that moment to start his own karate dojo is such a move. whatcha tryna do babe? tryna get back to the good old days where you kept putting your hands on that lil guy?? and you had each other’s angry undivided attention???? okay then!!

ck s102 -guys the little daniel montage at the start pls. i am unironically obsessed with daniel fistbumping his employees and making brekkie for his kids and drinking lil espressos with his wife. lookit him living his best life, i bet he smells amazing -well anyway those last moments of happiness and a normal blood pressure level for him were nice i think -i’m glad after s1 things got a bit less edgelord-y. i don’t know how to explain what i mean by that but ig the constant /don’t be a pussy/ and jokes about allergies and fat people and kids these days like it was kinda tiresome?? a bit?? to me?? ymmv but i’m glad they eased up on that shit. or at least made it more about johnny’s ignorance, so it wasn’t quite so… punchy-downy? ya know what i mean? if not, understandable.  -how many bathing suits does daniel have anyway? -the casting choices are very good all round but i personally think robby/tanner in partic is genius, because he gives such strong generic ‘80s teen heartthrob vibes. like when i first watched the show all i could see when i looked at him was jonathon brandis. accidental nostalgia boy, amazing -oh god the dinner with kyler. delete delete delete. if I don’t acknowledge it it didn’t happen!! -”i’m right here man”. i have never seen two angry grown men wanna kiss each other so bad in my life

ck s103 ok it was almost 2am by the time i watched this ep and i wrote just one thought in notes app, and frankly, i agree with my one 2am thought:

[marley-manson]

more thoughts on joker is wild:

1. it feels so much like a response to criticisms that seasons 1-3 were funnier or better or whatever lol. i don’t know if it actually is, but bj bitching about trapper and everyone reminiscing and hawkeye saying how much better trapper’s pranks were etc feels extremely meta. there are even good little detail references to this, like hawkeye’s “do you know it’s been a looooong time since i’ve had a cigar?” And it’s like the whole point is to prove the show can still be fun lol.

2. But I think it failed if that was the goal.

3. I don’t think this is deliberate, but Hawkeye’s unhinged-ness in this episode has a similar energy to the mania in GFA, which is just wildly uncomfortable on rewatch. I think they were aiming for cartoonish exaggeration, but it doesn’t work for me, partially bc of the aforementioned comparison, and partially because everyone reacts to Hawkeye more realistically, which grounds it in a sense of reality and just makes it seem like Hawkeye’s on the actual verge of a breakdown.

I mean let’s be real here, he goes from 0-100 on the offputting paranoia scale basically instantly lol, it’s not at all in character for Hawkeye, it is a ridiculous silly exaggeration. But no one else is exaggerated, they’re all just being normal doing their mediocre acting as they get “pranked” or lording it over Hawkeye or being innocent confused bystanders getting yelled at, so there’s that sense of reality that ruins it as a heightened comic romp and makes it just feel weird and unpleasant. The ever recurring jokes about Hawkeye going crazy don’t help either ofc.

4. And speaking of those reactions, what is with BJ’s ‘trick Hawkeye into alienating people’ plots? Like BJ being a prankster isn’t something I have a problem with, my problem is his pranks are so mean lol. This is the kind of shit we might laugh about if Frank was the victim, because the whole point of Frank’s character is that he deserves what he gets for being an evil little facist. Like, tricking Hawkeye into getting paranoid enough to hurt random people’s feelings is not something that feels like it’s all in good fun.

And look, Hawkeye starts out irritated and annoyed bc, let’s be real, BJ pretended to sympathize with his bad day as a set up for the shoe prank. Hawkeye calls the prank boring but doesn’t make it personal despite his irritation. He doesn’t even intend to mention Trapper, he just tells the truth when BJ asks who came up with the better prank he describes. Hawkeye is entirely innocent here.

It feels like payback for past pranks on a narrative level, given eg Margaret’s exasperation with the reminiscing early on and the aforementioned meta vibe, but this lands on my pet peeve of the show taking itself out of context to commentate on the early seasons, because again, those early pranks were “fun” because the victims were framed as deserving. You can disagree with that framing, or with the severity of some of the pranks (I sure do, lbr here) but ignoring that framing and drawing a false equivalency with Hawkeye as a victim misses the point. Hawkeye and Trapper didn’t harass their friends at random, they harassed Frank and Margaret for being authoritarian suck ups, and often with an end goal of, say, getting them to drop an attempted court martial, or saving Hawkeye from getting sectioned, or whatever.

Ultimately one of my issues with the later seasons overall is that I feel like they sometimes overcompensate for Hawkeye’s immunity from consequences in the first few satirical seasons while assuming that I as a viewer want to see Hawkeye taken down a few pegs. I feel like I’m supposed to get a sense of schadenfreude from episodes like this one, or Bottoms Up, or Dear Uncle Abdul, or for non-BJ examples, Inga, Tea and Empathy, Fallen Idol, hell maybe even The Price. And I absolutely do not lol, and this is a prime example of that disconnect for me as a viewer.

5. The way it ends with Hawkeye still miserable and annoyed is such a misstep imo. Like he never has fun with it, he doesn’t go ‘wow BJ that was awesome actually, good job” he doesn’t play up the strip tease (sadly), he just seems resigned and super fucking over the whole ordeal. If it ended with Hawkeye laughing and being impressed and having fun singing the song it would’ve softened the whole thing so much, but instead it remains in that schadenfreude zone where we’re supposed to like, enjoy Hawkeye wearily getting his comeuppance for... whatever. The revenge tag kinda helps but it doesn’t make Hawkeye seem less annoyed about it lol and it's too little too late anyway.

This is true of all of BJ’s Hawkeye torture episodes, but it’s especially overt here, and it adds to BJ’s pranks feeling cruel rather than fun to me.

6. I don’t think BJ was ooc in it myself, though I can see why others might because his jealousy is pretty silly, but yk, it follows an established thread - in a weird way, sure, but in a way I can buy. We’ve established he’s insecure about being Trapper’s replacement, we’ve established he’s a prankster to cope, we’ve established he enjoys making Hawkeye humiliate himself, this scheme fits. The only issue is that Hawkeye was ooc so he shouldn’t have been able to predict that he’d get super weird and paranoid to the point where he could call it the actual prank lol, but w/e, details, details.

7. Ultimately it’s not that serious, it’s an attempt at a fun comedy episode that fell flat tonally because I’m not the target audience of people who think Hawkeye deserves to be tormented, and it’s also weirdly placed in season 11. But yk, I still like complaining.

8. That said I’m more than happy to incorporate it into my BJ/Hawkeye takes because if there’s one saving grace of this episode it’s that it’s fucked up and weird in the context of a crush and I’m into that.

[oviids]

pls share some of your spn fic recs 🥺🥺

ok, a few things first:

followers and mutuals who do not have supernatural brainworms, kindly avert your eyes

i don’t normally rec or even read much fanfic any more but this is a CRISIS ok (cont.)

there is so. much. content for deancas out there and i have incredibly high standards, several ancient ao3 bookmarks, can speedread, and want to spare you guys the experience of wading through it all.

i also have a section for spn femslash since I was pretty into that back in the day (sadly a lot less fan content for this :/)

I don’t really like au’s or pure smut (I honestly usually just skim or skip those scenes) so if you’re mainly looking for that kind of thing this probably won’t be very helpful to you. jsyk.

i’m not great at describing stuff but i’ll do my best, i’ll also try and add tw’s when neccesary.

i wil try and keep updating this with any other decent fics i find, feel free to rec stuff too since i’m like 7 years behind.(edit 1/25/21) this is getting looooong so i’m going to start making another list on my spn blog rather than update this one

(edit 1/3/21) since this has gotten pretty long i’ve added rating/approximate word counts and marked my particular favorites with an asterisk.

Dean/Cas fic:

So Says The Sword*** - explicit/85k. FUCK its good...au/time travel where dean is not pulled out of hell by cas and says yes to becoming the michael sword. honestly could serve as an alternative to actually watching the show, if you want to get into dean/cas without actually doing that to yourself.

Fata morgana.*  - teen/6k, pst s9 finale. very bela centric and i love it, she finds cas looking for dean in hell.

Redemption Road -misc/600+k. an incredibly long fic from a collaborative writing group back in the day. canon divergent from the end of s6 on, has a cool take on godstiel and the leviathans, as well as the lovecratian mythos connection. ngl when i reread it i only made it about 28% in but imo the casual reader can actually stop around there, the rest concerns a lovecraftian apocalypse that is still good (i think i don’t remember it very well) but not required to enjoy the first half. if you prefer i have an ebook version i can send you on gdrive.

Someone Who's Feeling For Me* - mature/45k, s12. they run into lisa braeden and dean thinks cas is into her while cas thinks dean still likes her. treats lisa way better than the show ever did and the miscommunication is pretty funny rather than annoying.

a turn of the earth - mature/95k. time travel fic where cas from s10 keeps showing up in deans life from a few years before s1 to right before the hellhounds take his soul.  slow burn, good character study, and at one point cas punches the dad in the face and it rules.

On the Wings of War - teen/85k, canon divergent s5. dean accidentally becomes the Horseman of War. plays fun, fast and loose with biblical lore, michael has some rights.

Named - mature/95k, alternate s5. EXTREMELY blasphemous in a fun sexy way. manages to predict metatron almost to a T. there’s one major character death and its literally jesus christ, everyone is very sad about it and it sets the rest of the story rolling. an alternate interpretation of cas’ mission to raise dean from hell which had me on the floor. ngl its kind of misogynistic at points, but its from 2010 and tracks with late oughts-2010 spn (sorry anna the author did you dirty here:/).

The Girlfriend Experience - explicit/15k. uhhh i don’t normally rec or even read smutty stuff unless someone i know is specifically asking for it but this has stuff like sam trying to be a good ally and dean thinking holding hands with cas is ‘kinda gay :/’ minutes after having gay sex with him.

i crippled your heart a hundred times - explicit/19k, s8. cas confesses his feelings and dean spends a long time getting his head out of his ass about it. truly hits different after the actual confession, despite being written six years early it feels like its actually what could have gone down more or less if the writers weren’t talentless demons who hate us.

My Roots Take Flight** - mature/125k. reverse au where cas is a hunter and dean’s an angel...OR IS IT???? an alternate retelling of s4. tw for briefly being set in a psychiatric hospital/the hospital being mentioned somewhat frequently throughout the fic, plus more references to torture in hell and heaven than usual.

The One Thing You Can't Lose* - teen/4k.you know those posts about how cas is a super-strong super-tough ancient warrior but he just lets dean tug him around because he likes it? thats it thats the fic.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - teen/14k, post s8′s ‘goodbye stranger.’ cas is on the run with the angel tablet but keeps in touch with sam and dean by text, he and dean still manage to be terrible at Actual communication.

Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day - mature/30k, post s11. a monster that takes the appearance of your soulmate leads to some wild miscommunications and dealing with years of repression, also dean gets to see cas’ true form which is always cool. tw for non-graphic mentions of underage sexual assault/sex work.

Down to Agincourt - mature/explicit/900++++k, endverse continuation. endverse!cas survives his encounter with lucifer and discovers another time-displaced dean from s7. i’ve only read the two of four parts but its really good, veeeeery slow burn, has a lot of fun oc’s and takes a rather surprising but (imo) entertaining and intriguing turn into Hellenic history and mythology. usual tw’s for endverse/endverse!cas but nothing graphic, it’s actually pretty light-hearted (relatively speaking of course).

Nothing Equals the Splendor** - explicit/8k, THEE finale fix it fic you’ve been waiting for! posits that the entire final episode was just a (very bad and lame) djinn’s vision.

like moses and batman and james dean - explicit/31k, post s8. explores dean’s trauma and internalized homophoba from his technically canon experience with sex work and its impact on his relationship with cas. the sex work itself isn’t really shown in any detail but it’s still a relatively heavy fic.

Crazy Diamonds - explicit/25k, s4/alternate s14. fresh-out-of-hell dean and dean from 10 years in the future are displaced from time and sent to each other’s present.

where the weeds take root - explicit/30k. au where the men of letters kick them out of the bunker and they accidentally move out into the country, get over their codependence and semi retire. featuring chicken coop building, sam volunteering at a dog shelter, gardening, and blissfully mundane domesticity.

No Resting Place - teen/6k. djinn dream fic, switches back and forth between cas’ dream of being married to dean and retired from hunting to the aftermath when he wakes up. tw for brief mention of suicide since, y’know, djinn dream.

any port in a storm - mature/52k. post s8 finale. cas and dean have to pose as a couple going through a rough patch for a case and actually deal with their emotional baggage, cas struggles with being human and metatron is up to stuff.

all this and heaven too* - explicit/7k. in the author’s own words ‘...a love letter to every trans person who ever projected onto Dean Winchester.’ absolutely unzipped me emotionally and theologically, its just. so good. tw for very brief mentions of internalized transphobia/dysphoria.

Because it is* - mature/6k, finale fix it. killing chuck does not bring back anyone back and the winchesters spend a very long time dealing with what they’ve lost, cas and dean SOMEHOW still manage to have signifigant communication issues even after the confession. tw for suicidal thoughts/brief attempt.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit* - teen/4k, s6. when cas fell for dean it automatically soulbonded/angel married them, shenanigans ensue when dean finds out during the angel’s civil war. funny and actually written back when s6 was airing so cas is still (or at least pretending to be) kind of an OP asshole which is fun.

Rinse, Repeat - teen/3k, s8. angsty character study of cas as he’s reprogrammed and trained to kill dean. not really dean/cas since its just cas’ pov of canon events but its beautifully written and ends with him snapping out of it through the power of love (also now a canon event!).

Emergence - explicit/59k, canon divergent after s11. dean meets a hunter he only recognizes as their friend claire novak’s missing father, but soon realizes he might be the answer behind the mysterious void in his memories and feelings (aka everyone’s memories of cas are completely wiped away for three years).

Cuckoo And Nest - explicit/10k, early established relationship/character study, cas tries to figure out how he fits into dean’s life and space in the bunker.

Build a Home* - teen/20k, canon divergent s12. sam and eileen are cute and turn the bunker into men of letters/hunters hq and everyone but cas moves in, mutual miscommunication issues and pining ensues.

Down in the River - teen/5k, early s8, cas prays to dean in purgatory while sam and dean try to figure out a way to get him out.

Teaching Poetry to Fish* - mature/52k, ?? BC through the entire series/canon divergent s14 and 15. retelling of crucial scenes throughout the shows timeline from cas’ pov, feat. actual fish and poetry.

the minor fall, the major lift - gen/4k, post confession/finale fixit. dean goes into the empty to save cas and runs into several old friends (and enemies).

With the Kisses of His Mouth* - teen/3k, gen later seasons. dean and cas keep kissing by accident.

Remaining Grace - explicit/109k, alternate s6. au where cas asks dean for help with raphael and dean, of course, does. tw for temporary major character death/semi-graphic depictions of alcohol withdrawal.

The face of heaven.* - teen/10k, au, dean is a regular guy and cas is a fallen star (think ‘stardust’, kinda).

Stories Are Made of Mistakes*  - teen/5k. newly human cas has trouble getting used to a human body and humanity in general, but still figures out that he and dean are A Thing before dean does.

Hurry Up And Wait - mature/21k, canon divergent s12. a fairyland and quite possibly LOTR related case comes up and dean goes full fanboy, mary is introduced to the wonders of the peter jackson adaptions, many references and comparisons (including between cas and dean’s ‘friendship’ and arwen/aragon). also charle is still alive and has just been doing fairy stuff this whole time.

There Are Many Things - explicit/28k, s9. cas is extremely lonely/touch-starved and trying to figure out this whole human thing, as well as where he and dean stand after being kicked out of the bunker.

It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing - teen/40k, post s11 finale. amara helps dean by putting him in a magical coma so he can finally get some much needed rest and show him possible futures for him, sam and cas. meanwhile sam and cas go on a roadtrip (or several) to find componets for a spell to wake dean up. really good sam and cas friendship, they actually talk about their shared lucifer trauma and stuff.

Non-Photo Blue - gen/2k, s4/5/alternate s5. fifty moments from cas’ memories of dean.

Tall Grass - explicit/57k, canon divergent post series. cas becomes the ultimate plant dad. feat the wayward sisters gang, cathartic character growth, fun oc’s, domesticity, and lots of actual botanical info-dumping.

on vessels - no rating/gen/2k. established dean/cas, cas tells dean about how he used to imagine what it would be like to have him as his vessel.

search for tomorrow on every shore* - teen/11k, post-finale (extremely derogatory). some angels in jack’s new heaven act out and dean gets temporarily resurrected in 2003 and runs into his younger self.

Architecture of the Minotaur’s Heart - explicit/45k, very canon divergent post s1. dean’s new house seems to have a life and mind of its own, while in his dreams he sees glimpses of a world and apocalypse that never came to be and an angel that looks strangely like his mysterious neighbor, cas. loosely inspired by the book house of leaves (which i highly recommend for fans of weird horror).

The Distance Of The Setting Sun - explicit/17k, post s5. established dean/cas relationship, team free will finally takes advantage of cas’ abilities to go on vacation around the world.

diamond star halo - teen/5k, s11. dean lets cas use him as a temporary vessel while he recovers from rowena’s spell, sam is a long-suffering third-wheel.

Make Known** - teen/16k, s6/7. dean struggles to understand how cas could have become his enemy and whether he ever truly knew him in the first place.

blunt little instrument* - mature/1.4k, post finale. dean finally confronts his father in heaven, very cathartic.

my heart a compass*** - teen/10k, post confession. the empty forces cas to re-experience his most regretted moments while dean tries to snap him out of it and bring him home.

A Crash Course in Someone Else's History - teen/11k, s6. cas from the very start of s4 is brought forward in time by s6!cas to distract the brothers from his and crowley’s plans.

The Cuckoo Father - mature/8k, s7 au. the woman who found cas in the river post-leviathans does not marry him bc he was sent to her by god or whatever, but actually identifies him as jimmy novak and sends him back to claire and amelia.

The Dead Dean Clause* - teen/5k, post alt s5 ending. team free will celebrates surviving taking down lucifer by getting blitzed, cas lies to a cop and gets an impromptu driving lesson. title/description sound dark i know but it’s actually very funny and light.

Suck It, Judy Garland - mature/20k, s12 (after the ‘i love you...i love all of you’ episode). cas and sam have to pretend to be a couple for a case and dean is NOT happy about it.

By Daylight and In Dream - teen/16k, s5. pre-dean/cas, dean invites cas to use his dreams to hide from the other angels. tw for very brief mention of a memory/dream of alastair sexually assaulting dean.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - mature/22k, post-canon. an actually happy (if sometimes bittersweet) heaven endgame written several years ago, though some details are rather eerily similar to the show’s ending.

heaven is a place on earth* - teen/2k. dean’s pov of some of the times cas left him behind throughout the show, and one alternate ending where he finally gets to stay.

I Cleanse The Mirror - teen/20k, alternate s6. dean’s body is stolen by an ancient elemental and his soul has to hitch a ride in cas’ vessel.

an exploration of gender; angelic*** - mature/4k. *oscar isaac voice* lets get into angel gender politics!! aka cas is trans.

Zenith - explicit/33k, s9. after 9x06 an angry witch curses cas with the ability to see supernatural beings and human souls.

La cucina. - gen/3k, alt s9. dean goes wild helping a newly-human cas find out what kinds of food he likes, or the early s9 domesticity we deserved!

Dean Winchester, Cocksucker at Rest***** - teen/7k, post-finale. john and mary finally come over for dinner and john reacts to dean/cas in a rather predictable fashion. SOOOOOOOOO good omg, its so funny and a little sad and very very cathartic. part of a series that has a few other really good short fics.

The Way You Didn't Go - teen/5k, s15. coda to 15.09, dean has nightmares about the moc!cas timeline.

On Drowning - teen/28k. dean saves cas after he nearly drowns, they both try and deal with the physical/mental fallout (aka the fic where thee iconic “you only touch me when you think I’m dead or dying” originates). tw for realistic depictions of drowning/triage/misc medical information.

The Thirty-Six Questions That Lead to Love* - mature/13k. claire has dean and cas pretend to be her gay dads for a case and they play the titular 36 question game, get mistaken for swingers, and birdwatch, among other things.

Assorted F/F stuff:

Deep Breaths* - mary/ellen, au where mary said no to azazel’s deal and let john stay dead, still becomes a milf.

Like Rebel Diamonds - krissy/claire, they become hunter gf’s on the hunt for cas to kick his ass for taking jimmy. not-so-stealth dean/cas as well.

To Ash and Bone - anna/ruby, same author as the previous fic (p much all of her stuff is good from what i recall). au where ruby is a witch and helps anna when she’s cursed.

Holy Clockwork Angels - jo/ruby, STEAMPUNK au with very cool worldbuiilding.

At Day's End - jo/anna (my fucking KINGDOM for more jo/anna content, the dean/cas parallels are allllll there), au where they are both at the camp in the endverse and gfs.

these posts - ok so not actually a fic but i’m now obsessed with this hannah/meg dynamic.

Tagelied - mary/ellen, the true story of how ellen got into hunting before angels interfered.

Hell's Bells** - meg/abaddon, alternate s8/9 where meg survives crowley’s attack with sam’s help and teams up with abaddon (who she has a sk year old crush on) to take back hell.

The Ecstasy of the Rose - anna/ruby, anna travels back in time to escape heaven and becomes a signifigant part of ruby’s old human life.

Angel Underground - anna/jo, kind of an urban fantasy au with a very intriguing premise (sadly its very short, i’d love to see more if this ‘verse).

Clover, Flame - billie/mary, billie was always the reaper that showed up to take mary after her death(s) over the years.

Drag Me To Heaven - anna/ruby, a variant on the ‘last night on earth’ thing with dean.

Come Home* - jo/anna, canon-divergent au where anna is the new waitress at the roadhouse and helps jo set up a (probably not really) haunted house for halloween.

[teejaysnow]

Translation: Manusoverlevering, part 1

Yeah, so... as promised, here's part 1 of the youtube video translation, from 0:00 to 24:20. (There will be two more parts, but they will probably take a week each.)

Any mistakes are there for your enjoyment - I'm a Swede translating Norwegian into English, which gives me two extra languages to føkk up. Ooops.

Also, there are a lot of starts, stops, pauses and unfinished sentences going on during the panel - I haven't cleaned that up, you're getting it just as it was said. So, yeah. Sorry, not sorry.

Anyway, translation (hopefully...) under the cut because it's looooong...

Presenter: First we’re going to see a video that one of the 181 has made about what it was like to bid on the scripts - that must have been a very exciting situation to be in - which ended on 109 901 NOK. So let’s spin the film and then we’ll meet Christopher Pahle and the rest of the crew. Enjoy.

*a short film about how 181 Skam fans came together to bid on an original script signed by Julie Andem at P3aksjonen 2017 [and ended up with three] is shown. [I began to translate this too - but either the picture quality or my eyesight is too poor so I gave up…]

Christopher Pahle: Hi, everyone. My name is Christopher and I’m going to be the moderator this evening. Um. Before we start, I’m just going to say that I noticed that we have an extra chair here so I hope that it’s okay that we brought an extra guest. So, please welcome Carl Martin Eggesbø, Henrik Holm, Ulrikke Falch, David Sjøholt, and Julie Andem. [the audience applauds] There’s a stair back there. Hello. We found out about an hour ago that Julie caught the flight from Copenhagen so we’re very happy about that. Congratulations on having been entered into the National Library. That's fun. Fun for Ibsen to hang with you. 

Julie Andem: Just to think that we have the kind of fans that make sure that that happens, that’s…

C: You can applaud yourself for that. [audience applaud themselves] I think it’s about one year since the last episode, the last clip. 

Henrik Holm: Sunday, wasn’t it?

C: What was that?

H: On Sunday, wasn’t it?

C: Yeah, I think so. And I was also told that it’s two years today since the trailer for season three was released.

J: Yeah. [audience giggles] Yeah, it’s cool.

C: But it’s been a year, how has it been since, are you getting some distance to everything, or? [he giggles] Well, you’re sitting here…

H: Yeah, we’re still here, aren’t we?

C: Yeah. But has it been hard to get some distance to it?

H: No, things happen in a natural order and it hasn’t been enough time to get a distance to it yet.

C: No. Is there anything you’re missing in particular? Something you’ve thought about?

J: I’m missing all the actors every day. And the team, the Norwegian team.

Ulrikke Falch: It’s been busy.

C: Yeah. We imagine that you’re spending all your time with them when you’re back home, but that’s not the case then?

J: I’m trying, but… I want to, but they all have lives without me, so… 

C: One thing I was wondering about. You… none of you had your own seasons, and you might not have been told everything that was to happen in the season arcs, did you sometimes have to follow the story like us mere mortals via the clips being released?

H: Of course.

C: Yeah?

U: We got the scripts, though, so we knew what was going to happen. But it was always cool to see the recordings. 

H: But we always got them one script at a time.

J: And it wasn’t everyone who actually read the scripts. 

H: No… Me??

J: I was only looking at… I just said “not everyone”, I’m not mentioning any names, I’m not mentioning any names, just that “everyone didn’t do that always”.

H: I didn’t feel targeted by that. I didn’t.

C: I don’t think you should either. But, umm… you knew everything that was going to happen, most of you anyway, so was there something that came as as much of a surprise for you that it did for us?

David Sjøholt: We got the scripts via mail, so it was like…

C: And then you got the full script, not just your own scenes?

D: Yeah. Didn’t we?

J: Yeah. You did. Yeah. But I never released… it was only me and two others who knew the story arcs each season before the seasons began, and one of the reasons for that was to see the reactions I got from the crew and the actors on the scripts, because I thought that it would be about the same reaction that I would get from the audience. I remember that Ulrikke was very good at responding to the scripts, when you liked something in the script or in the story you immediately sent a reply like “oh, that’s cool”, or…

U: Or when I was unhappy, nag nag nag.

J: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

C: Was there something people reacted different to than you’d thought, Julie?

J: No, but there were some reactions that were stronger, like when I wrote episode eight in season three, I was very, like, it’s getting quite dark now. And then I sent it out to the team, and it was met with total silence, and usually it took just about half an hour after I sent out a script before people began to reply “cool script, blah, blah, blah, can we meet, we need a meeting, I have to know…”, but a half hour passed and an hour passed and one and a half hour passed, and then I got a message from my editor where he said “Fuck you”. And I thought… I remember that production meeting, because everyone was afraid because they didn’t know how the season would end, so everyone was very afraid of how the story would end. So everyone was concerned. So I remember I thought, like, wow. I hadn’t expected it to make such a big impression.

C: No, right. And then it’s particularly the scene, or, it’s the Plaza…

J: Yeah, it’s the Plaza…

C: And Sonja and Grønland and that. But it does say in the script, the episode eight one that will be entered today, because you’ve made some notes, and it says that people reacted… that it was heavier in the first draft.

J: Yeah. That it was harsher…

C: And that’s the scene in the street…

J: Yeah, with Sonja.

C: And how was it?

J: Yeah, I don’t know if it was so much harsher, but what I meant was that Sonja was even more convincing so that at the end you just thought that, like, this is just fucked. That you didn’t have even the slightest of hope. So then I added in a couple of elements that made you think that okay, maybe she isn’t telling the truth, so you could cling to that. But in that first draft I remember that it was like, okay there is no hope at all.

C: Okay. It was probably good that you…

J: Yeah…

C: Why do you think people reacted so strongly to that scene?

J: Well, I think that when you’ve identified so strongly with Isak, then you feel really stupid. And the whole dream of who you could be just shatters into a thousand pieces because here he’s been fighting his problems that are his fear of coming out and fear of being with Even, and he’s been thinking that Even has the same fears and that’s why he’s together with Sonja, and then it turns out that there are much bigger and more important things than him that Even is dealing with. So I think that if you’ve really empathised with Isak then you can feel both very stupid and very afraid because it isn’t a given that it will end with Isak and Even at that time. I think.

H: I remember… as I said, we got one episode at a time, and I remember that I sat, when I read the script, I sat and I had never been so shocked after reading a script, like, ever. I think I stood up and read it, really, like… [acts shocked] For me, it was like watching an episode because the images just started to whirr, right? And then it gets to Even running out of the hotel room, and I was like, what…? 

J: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

H: And then you have to read it four time to understand what’s really happened, because it’s so… I don’t know…

C: Yeah, and it’s pretty intensely written and I recommend everyone to look at the scripts and read them, because I have, and that’s an experience in itself. I’ve read a lot of scripts and these were… I knew they were good, but…[Julie makes an “aww, chucks” gesture and the audience laughs and applauds] Um. We’re going to talk a bit about your characters in… in… first and foremost in the episodes that will be incorporated into the collections here now. Um. And… let’s see here, I lost the thread now. Um. Yeah. [Very serious voice] David. [David looks nervous] Um. You are, or, I’ve asked in one of the fan groups on Facebook what people were most curious about and a lot of people were very curious about you.

D: Mmhm.

C: They might not know, or, they might not know a lot about your character and how it evolves, because you really began more like an extra and then you were written into… When did you decide to do that, Julie?

J: Um… weren’t you auditioning for Even? 

D: Umm? [David looks confused]

J: Really, we had, okay, as I remember it anyway, before season three we had a joint audition where we were looking for Even but also looking to extend Isak’s group of friends. And then you were there but I’m not sure if you knew that you really were at an Even audition…

D: No, I think I was… No, I mean, because I knew Tarjei, Isak, we’re best friends, so it would have been weird to, well… [everyone laughs] No, so I think it was for something else than Even.

J: Yeah. Okay. But what’s really funny is that I’ve gotten a lot of questions about who the nine original characters were, and Magnus was one of the characters that I didn’t… that I realised when I was about to create him for season one that I didn’t need him, that he was unnecessary, but then I remembered him when I was writing season three, and then David auditioned, and he has an amazing timing and an amazing comedic talent, and he’s just an exceptionally talented actor, and knew Ta… [David pretends to dry away a tear and everyone giggles and applauds] and knew Tarjei really well, and I have a kind of standard audition that I always use for boys when they come to auditions, setting them up two and two, and I think I’ve seen that scene a thousand times…

H: The youth [at least I think that’s what he’s saying - diction, mate…] dialogue?

J: Yeah. And then David enters and does it in such a new and fresh way, it takes a lot to, like, impress me with that script, but he was totally awesome.

D: Cool.

J: So then he just became Magnus. 

C: But then the character was in place from the beginning, with a, with a character core diamond with a shame and things like that?

J: He really was, I don’t know if I shared it with you, did you get…

D: You sent something, but it was after it was finished. [everyone laughs] It was at the party, the wrap party, that you came and were like *high pitched sound*

J: Yeah, but I’m pretty good at keeping an eye on the logic of a character, so he puts his charm and his comedic talent into the character, which is a gift to me and the series, but I make sure that Magnus stays inside that logic, or inside the character core diamond that you called it. So I remove everything in the clips that goes against that during the impro, or remove it from the script, or, “don’t say that”.

D: Pretty often.

C: I’ve got a question from your future… I almost said partner [I guess Christopher is referring to Tarjei since this was probably filmed around when David, Tarjei and Jakob moved into a flatshare together?] that I feel like I’ve almost got an answer to already, but he’s asking when you’re most yourself in the character, like when Magnus is most like David, that’s something he thinks that you should answer.

D: Most myself?

C: Are there times when you aren’t yourself?

J: It’s a trick question, don’t answer that.

D: I think I’m a bit myself in all the scenes, but… most myself, I don’t know? Maybe when I act with Ulrikke, it gets like…

U: YES!! [everyone laughs and applauds]

H: I think you miss each other.

U: We miss each other so much. But David has got a girlfriend, so…

C: But it isn’t like, you mentioned about impro, because you’ve noted in one of the scripts, I think that might be the script that’s… eh… yeah, I can’t remember if it’s the one donated here or to Skeivt Arkiv [The Norwegian archive for queer history], but either way you’ve written in your comments that “the fact that Magnus and Vilde stand there and flirt was something we thought of there and then, mostly because I think David and Ulle are so good at improvising and we had to use it”, that’s in episode five when they’re on their way into the party.

J: Yeah. Do you remember the door there?

U: Yeah.

C: And you do have [David re-enacts the flirty wave] Yeah, right, it’s that one, and you do have a few of those scenes, and it isn’t always easy to know what’s improvised or not because everything seems very natural, um, what I really wanted… [he laughs]

U: All that…

J: Just go ahead and ask.

C: What I really want to know, um… that meowing…? [he giggles]

J: Yeah, that was in the script.

C: That was in the script?? [both he and Julie laugh] Of course it was.

J: It was!!

C: At the Christmas party at…

J: Yeah. It's because he’s the “cat hooker”.

C: Yeah, of course.

J: So he has, it’s been a running gag that he has a thing for cats. 

D: Where does it come from, I can’t remember, where…

J: When you’re by the Christmas tree, we’re talking about… 

U: The tongue, you improvised…

J: Yeah, that was impro.

D: Yeah, but I mean when we were… you meowed? I don’t remember that?

U: It’s an iconic scene.

D: I don’t remember that.

J: She meows and then you say do it again.

D: Ah. That one, yeah. I remember now.

C: Yeah, that is, that is…

J: That I actually wrote, but what’s actually impro was him saying in the scene where they’re sitting at the cafeteria [no, I’m not even going to try to translate ”apeberget”… Peanut gallery?] at Nissen and eat buns, and Jonas says, like, it was written, “I hooked up with a girl once that didn’t have a clitoris”, and then he says “I hooked up with a girl that had a cat tongue” and then it turned into “cat hooker”, and that was impro.

C: So the whole thing…

J: The whole cat hooker thing, after that ended up in a clip then that was just a thing we continued.

C: Right. It happens sometimes that magic appears during impro and then it turns into a whole thread.

J: Exactly.

C: That’s great. We have another scene too that I was pretty surprised was improvised that we’re going to look at, but I’m sorry that there’s been some tech issues, or, we’ve skipped around a bit so the clip we’re about to show isn’t exactly in the order it was planned, but, like, in the episode where Even meets Isak’s friends for the first time in the corridor, it says, you’ve written, “can't remember why that scene is so sparsely written, I think it’s just because I ran out of time to write so we improvised the scene”.

J: Story of my life.

C: And that in the script, all it says is “they greet each other”, but then it turned into a very, very, um, strong and good scene, not in the least in the way the boys react to… Isak is obviously afraid of how people will react, let’s see what it says [the script page is shown on the screen], it says, the stage directions are just “Isak stands on the stairs at school and is saying goodbye to the boys when Even comes by. Isak introduces Even to the boys, the boys jokes about how they got thrown out on Friday, Isak gets embarrassed”. Um, and that’s really that, can we… we have that scene so we’ll take a look at it, and it’s just, um, like, I’m just wondering how the boys’ reactions evolved. But maybe just watch the clip first. [they all turn towards the screen but nothing happens] If it’s set up, that is. And now I got a stern talking to about not being too quick with the transitions. 

*the clip plays*