#oh hey. I did it??
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Foxglove Lore, definitive edition:
Note: I use he/him pronouns for Sleep. If you don’t that cool, but the only time Vessel as every spoken about Sleep he used he/him for Sleep.
My main sleep token lore/thoughts is this:
‘My Lore’ is that it’s a conversation between Sleep and Vessel, the songs can switch pov, some songs are sleep songs, some songs are Vessel songs, some are both.
Vessel has powers. (Option one he is human born with them, option two is that he is a fallen god.)
(If we are going with the first, Vessel is just dealing with abandonment issues, from people all around him because of these powers. They see him as different, off putting, and they avoid him. If we are going with the second, then it’s all of that + being a god and remembering slowly as he grows older ‘hey I was a god and I fell?? And I’m remembering this??’ But then also what did Vessel fall for? Why do the other gods cast him aside? A human? Another god? I’m think atm it was a worshiper that he got too close with. Her death causing him to fall. (I also think that this, this ‘the other gods casting him aside’ thing can be symbolic of how it feels to go through a depressive episode or even just being neurodivergent, and how it feels like other people who care about you can ‘cast you aside’ by not listening or understanding what your feeling.) The gods are all busy, and his ‘god-mother’ (maybe someone who created him? A god who granted him god-hood the first time?) has turned her gaze because she can’t bear the sight of him human (again?). And so Sleep, an old as fuck, ‘small’ god steps up. A very ‘us against them’ moment.)
Sleep wants Vessel (at first) just for his powers, and he promises Vessel control over them (or a way back to god-hood) in exchange for his worship and being his Vessel. Vessel, desperate for control, agrees, and at first it seems like Sleep is keeping up with him, helping with these powers (or helping him find paths to god-hood).
Love in the songs = Control. Over Vessels powers, or over how he gets to Heaven to be with the other gods. But just. Control in some ways. And honestly, love can be very controlling, so maybe it does Also Mean Love.
Some Vessel songs are about Sleep, and some are about the ?follower? Who he fell for.
One of Sleep’s blessings is the ability to communicate with this person while Vessel is asleep. She doesn’t remember her past life, and so it’s only when Vessel is asleep can she remember with him/he is with the ‘old’ her. I think he did find her, and she’s different. (Idea has been floating around because of @/bluesey-182, and I have agreed with it for a looooong. But credit where it’s due!! (If you see this and want me to actually tag you just let me know!)).
One is all from Vessel’s pov. It’s the beginning, it’s right as Sleep finds him, and he’s completely lost, and thankful for Sleep’s intervention, but unsure of how things should go. He is bending over backwards for Sleep, and separates himself into two, awake he is Vessel, and asleep he is a god. In both he is letting go of everything to be loved. Awake he is waiting for Something to give, asleep he is in denial of it.
The two songs of Two are from Vessel’s pov. I think Nazareth is a Sleep song, and I think it’s the first one.
Jaws is from both POV. It’s an argument, it’s Sleep wanting Vessel to be his chosen one, and Vessel fighting it.
Sundowning is about Vessel’s realization that even tho Sleep is sort of keeping up his end of things, he’s not doing it in a productive way. It’s him realizing that Sleep likes Vessel as he is. (Sleep Songs: Dark Signs, Take Aim, parts of Give, Drag Me Under, parts of Blood Sport) it’s also Sleep realizing that while he does like Vessel as he is, he’s actually falling for Vessel. But by the time he realizes he need to hold up his end of the bargain, it’s too late.
TPWBYT is Vessel waking up after having attempted to take his own life, realizing that Sleep isn’t going to help him the way he wants, and now Sleep won’t let him die. It’s also Sleep trying to convince Vessel he really is on his side now, and trying to convince him to be his Vessel after the attempt. (Sleep songs: Mine, Fall For Me, Distractions, but he is present in Most Songs on this album.) I also think something that happens in this album is that Sleep shows Vessel the reincarnation of the person he fell for, who is now doing fine and happy. It’s a Moment for Vessel, to realize that his falling was more hurtful then good.
TMBTE is Vessel becoming a god again. Or, being put on the correct path to becoming a god again (or, being out on the path to control his powers). It’s letting go of the hurt that caused him to fall, and him realizing that god-hood (control) (healing) is more important than holding onto the hurt/abandonment/falling. He has Sleep in a better grasp, he knows where he needs to go, and there’s ups and downs on the journey. (Sleep Songs: there isn’t actually a lot of Sleep present in this album. I think it’s Vessel doing what he needs to do, worshipping and letting go. It’s why this album feels so different from the others. Sleep is present but only as a feeling, not as someone speaking. The only time he is really there is AYRO? And DYWTYLM. And even then it feels more like Vessel sharing from Sleep’s perspective then it Being From Sleep).
I think the main difference from this version, and my original theory is that in the og one, I thought Sleep was bad. I though
#very much so#sleep token#oh hey. I did it??#Dakota Foxglove. did you have thoughts again?? yes yes I did.#idk what I’m doing#this is it tho this is what I think tbh👍🏻#o said earlier that I couldn’t put my thoughts to post I could only do it in other peoples tags but this is pretty coherent I think??#also also I think it’s all symbolism for being depressed and neurodivergent and Sleep represents a healthy coping mechanism while the girl#is a person in his life who died who was a Bad Coping Mechanism#idk if Sleep is a person or just a muse but yeah.
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mentor
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#gojo satoru#megumi fushiguro#jjk art#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#pulled another allnighter fr Angst's sake cries i havent slept.......but i couldnt help myself i was out all DAY i hadnt drawn all DAY#do u know what that does to a mf i felt all antsy and Wrong#so i cracked an energy drink i think i may have a problem honestly but hey at least u get ur daily dose of megumi angst#remember how i said i considered including gojo in the yuuji/tsumiki/megu squared train piece#well this is me making up fr Not including him there#i ws right his and megumi's relationship deserves its own homage smile :)#anyway @ anon who wanted a gojo/megumi hug.....ik it's not exactly a hug but you can forgive me im sure <3#dare i say it's better than hugs jeremy.....#honestly fr all my gripes w gojo i Did get kind of emo abt this?? but i feel like. the majority of my emotions r on megumi's behalf#also might have been the mukashi mukashi no kyou no boku on repeat that'll also do it#seriously debated putting translated lyrics as the caption but it feels like a copout doing 2 lyric-captions in a row#also i do have some shame. miku lyrics r a bit.#anyway art notes uhhhhh finally got gojo's hair to not look Yuuji#who knew the trick was to make it longer smh maybe sleep deprivation n 10 hours of staring at a screen Does make simple problems hard#oh file name 'proud of you' btw
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I am simultaneously deliriously in love with the ending of Loki season 2 and absolutely loathe it
On one hand…Shakespearean tragedy at its finest, essentially circling back to Loki’s original Thor 2011 character arc by reversing it, and Loki has literally ascended to godhood. In the end, Loki’s ultimate selfless sacrifice was to sit upon the highest throne in the multiverse, and that to me is tragically ironically beautiful
On the other hand…Loki being alone makes me want to burn Marvel studios to the ground and do other unspeakable things
Best and worst ending of all time f u Eric Martin
#loki#loki spoilers#WHAT DID IT COST? EVERYTHING#NO ONE WON#sylki#Lokius#oh i love it and i hate it at the same time#*screams*#*yeets myself out the window*#loki series spoilers#loki season 2 spoilers#hey guys I would appreciate that you not tag this as just Lokius or Sylki cause this post is not ship specific#sylkius if you must#people finding out I ship romantic Sylki and queer platonic Lokius are gonna be surprised
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we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.
"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."
i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.
you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"
i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.
what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.
i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.
"don't make a big deal about this," you said.
this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.
"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.
you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."
the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.
afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."
#spilled ink#writeblr#i'm trying to write about this really specific and wierd new experience#that i think is specific to the internet generation#where people you trust can just... say whatever??? and while most people are trustworthy#sometimes they'll just like... put ur shit out there????#and the thing is that sometimes it's GOOD - i want you to tell ppl if ur partner is being cruel!!!!!#i want u to be like ''hey is it normal if xyz happens'' ... but stuff like ''she's afraid of the dark''#PARTICULARLY when it's CLEARLY making fun of me....#what is the point of that.#this is huge and complicated and happens outside of romantic relationships too btw#like someone u thought of as a friend will be like . oh did u know she's scared of heights and it's like.#girl why are u fuckin doing that tho?#it's not a SECRET i just ...???????????????????????#and i think that gross feeling of like -- ''i can't REALLY be upset bc there's not a TRUE RULE about this....''#it's just not something talked about. bc it's so specific and yet so complex#bc how could i say like '' this is a violation of trust'' when it... technically I GUESS isn't????????????#idk maybe im just like super sensitive but please tell me in the comments/tags/etc if this is#something u have experienced (a trusted person like spreading ur shit) and if u were cool with it
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edit (10/23/2024) now that the poll is over: Original version, with 10 questions, from April 2023 here
And, given that the original is from April 2023, that means I can very easily say:
No, this was not an ISAT reference!
Just because I use parentheses and 2nd person pov and love the same concepts of what a time loop can do to a person doesn't mean it's ISAT
(Yes, I like ISAT, the original poll is why I was recommended the game! But if you look at the original, you can see all the origins of the options to choose from, including what spurred me on with the moss option from the replies)
If I were going to make something for ISAT, I would never be so vague, you can simply look at my ao3 for proof of that
#egg speaks#writing#polls#my writing#egg writes#my polls#poetry#time loops#listen I want to run this again#time loop poll#<- check that tag on my blog for the original 10 option version lmao#unreality#you know I didn't think I'd get fed up with people making isat jokes about this#I thought it'd be like oh hey neat same hat#we both like the same game#but people keep going “oh this is JUST an ISAT reference”#as if it's not a genuine work of creativity I did myself. it feels a bit devaluing#“op you played isat” yes but that came after the original!!!!!#I KNOW it's not meant like that but I want people to engage in my work as its own thing. you can make jokes about similar media!!!#but this is it's own thing!!!!#I want people to like it for what it is. I want people to enjoy it outside of other media. I want it to stand on its own#I'm flattered someone said it was good enough that they think it could be narration from the game and read just as well!!!!#but like. idk. all the other medias popping up (pmmm. orv. higurashi. etc) aren't people calling it a /reference/#if I wanted it to be an ISAT reference I would have tagged it originally. I would have targeted it toward ISAT fans more intentionally.#I love fanworks but this was an ode to time loops alone. I wanted people to think. to have to CHOOSE. I wanted PARTICIPATION#time loops as a narrative and as horror and as a group activity via polls on tumblr. also s/o to the person who said 40 hr work week so tru
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Through the telescope
Scar's new telescope gave me convex ideas so have them talk about space :D
#convex#hermitcraft 10#hermitcraft season 10#goodtimeswithscar#cubfan135#gtws fanart#cubfan fanart#hermitblr#joifeeart#joifeepixel#gif#pixel animation#gif animation#oh hey joi made a new gif#its been a while#also practice for the next life series#anyways hoffen did great job on that telescope and i wanted to draw it
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Why are you running?
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang yanli#jin zixuan#The ship between Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli is yuri. To me.#That whole tearful public confession? The way he immediately runs off? Yuriful.#Everyone going 'oh my god what' and 'hey why are you running off???' makes this chaotic scene even funnier.#He's going to just hide behind a tree a few meters away. They can still see his little hat poking out as he cries.#If I was JYL I would have started biting someone.#What do you *mean* the guy you once had feelings for but treated you poorly now says he likes you? What do you do with that information?#Is it character development? Is it worth letting your heart open up again? Is it a mistake to be vulnerable like that?#Not enough credit is given to the internal torment of shijie.#It really does feel like your world is spinning around when someone you did not expect to confess *does*.#This guy has a LOT to make up for though. I wouldn't take him back but I'm also too rational for my own good at times.
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GARRUS VAKARIAN: DATABASE IMAGE ACCESS. > PT. 1 : 2160, 2166, 2170. > all files backdated according to user preferences: (terran_coordinated.calendar).
#mass effect#mass effect fanart#garrus vakarian#mass effect garrus#castis vakarian#solana vakarian#turians#alien#palaven#artists on tumblr#illustration#art#scifi#video games#milkyart#garrus retro#I want to make more of these so I'm giving it a tag#headcanons go as such:#turians have a downy coat from birth to toddler age after which actual feathers develop - which molt during puberty.#they're the color of the plates since feathers are modified scales! so for the vakarian siblings they're silvery.#child garrus playing spectre - solana already annoyed by it back then. but hey at least he's using sources for his make believe? nerd#first time castis takes him shooting it's a live target. have fun kid I hope this won't awaken anything in you or do irreparable damage#castis voice: I didn't raise him like this!#well buddy someone did.#also - hard to see but the leaves and tree trunks have a metallic sheen :-)#god this took SO LONG ive never done something quite like this before! also wanted to do landscape for once.#social media is so hostile to this format but I think 3 images is a good workaround#will make a detail post later on... the faces are probably getting fried by tumblr :(#oh I gave castis the comic markings. they look way better and imo make more sense. and we don’t talk about me:a here
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some misc Barn & Wally doodles from the past week or so <3 i heart them
#i read 'barnaby bites wally out of affection' exactly Once and it imprinted in my brain forever#its so damn cute... what the fuck... who authorized that....#one thing about me: yes i Will exaggerate size differences. no im Not sorry#listen one thing i love more than the big guy & their lil buddy dynamic#is big guy & their lil buddy 'rough-housing'#where it looks vicious but the big guy is actually being so so gentle and careful <3#it kills me every time!!!#AND THESE TWO ARE PERFECT FOR BOTH BABEYYYYYY#the bestiessssss themmmmm them them them#i have so many thoughts / feelings about them and many of them Directly Conflict <3#scribble salad#welcome home#wait when. when did i start drawing barnaby so damn much#every other scribble is Him#uh oh! looks like hes Blorbo!!!#anyhow sometimes i sit on doodles for Days and Days#until it occurs to me that hey. i can post these#i havent been scribbling much bc ive been chipping away at comms when i have the free time to do Art#the only non-comm stuff have been silly warmups riperoni#BUT! AHA! last week's me (early this week???) was in their Barnaby & Wally feels!!!#providing current me with Crumbs to post!
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oh, uh, this...this isn't Silver's backstory after all.
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#surprise! it's actually everyone else's backstory!#screaming. just screaming forever.#malenoa my new beloved#like. i kind of figured something had happened to malleus' parents because maleficia seems to be his only relative?#but i didn't know it was going to be a whole THING#hey silver did your shitbag ancestor kill malleus' mom#oh boy this is going to be super embarrassing for you#also i keep interpreting レヴァーン as raven and i kind of think that's not the intended meaning#it's probably supposed to be like. lavern or something?#however#it means i keep thinking of malleus' dad as raven. his cool raven dad who mysteriously disappeared 400 years ago. that guy. raven.#and slowly sliding my eyes towards the explicitly raven-themed character who literally has 'raven' written on his design#do you...do you think that...#it couldn't be. but do you think...#i swear to god if crowley takes off his mask and goes 'SON' i'm gonna#i don't even know what i'd do but crowley darth vader-ing malleus would be the twist of the fucking century#truly the funniest possible outcome. i kind of do actually want it to be true now#sorry mal turns your dad is an enormous dork and also the principal#bright side no one is going to be intimidated by you anymore
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I think we can all agree that Clark “living on a reporters salary” Kent would use 13-in-1 shampoo for all its uses.
The first time Bruce sees it in his apartment he nearly cries
Bruce: Clark. What the fuck is that.
Clark: Aren’t humans so innovative :D? Instead of buying 13 different products for one individual use, they created one product for 13! And I thought kryptonian technology was advanced.
Bruce: Clark- Clark please tell me you haven’t been using this as Gatorade
Clark: it’s actually quite refreshing! I prefer it mixed with a little water, do you want me to make you a glass?
Bruce, fanning himself with a bundle of money: No! I mean, uh, no thank you Clark, I’m. I’m good
#Clark can eat just about anything#Bruce knows that logically but it never ceases to weird him out#“hey Clark what did you do with the tiny robot insects you collected after we disabled them?#“oh I ate them :D seemed like a convenient way to get rid of them”#Bruce: you did WHAT#kryptonian biology#kryptonians#batman#dc comics#bruce wayne#dcu#clark kent#superman#superbat#incorrect dc quotes#action comics#incorrect batman quotes#incorrect superman quotes#dc shenanigans
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I don't know what this is all I know is that LimL Joel makes me really emotional
#I know he has a tendency to go deranged on his red lives but idk something about him beginning to lose it after Jimmy died and killing Grian#joel smallishbeans#smallishbeans fanart#trafficblr#Again its his red life shenanigans but... If only Jimmy had known how affected someone was by his death. I'm choosing to believe this#and him then going out like a sad pathetic wet cat even with Grian's sacrifice... He really deserves a win one of these days lmao please#Also I cant stop thinking about how Jimmy wouldn't have left him. Grian was sensible to and most players probs would have#Joel really does become a lost cause so its fair and Grian did still care (and went to say goodbye as well as sacrifice his time for him)#But Jimmy would have stuck by even if Joel were in this state (and they'd both get themselves killed pathetically but)#And Joel having shown such genuine care for Jimmy and concern over his limited time... man anything w Jimmy makes me so emotional lol#I love them so#oh Ig about the art itself. I dont like it but hey thats how it tends to go when you try smth new. And no shame in trying#but if one person likes this then yayy I will still feel accomplished and happy#Im looking at this again and hey its not that bad actually yay I love to approve of my own art. self love hell yea#tubby art
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I don’t like minimizing the importance and gravity of Laios and Toshiro’s fight into just being a childish squabble, even if to a degree it is framed that way, because to both of them it has a lot of personal significance and emotional weight and runs very deep to their characters… The fight isn’t nothing it’s a LOT, they made up but it’s not something easy to express and to get over for either of them which makes it all the more meaningful! I’m on both sides but there very much are sides, there’s no "they’re both having a ball, Toshiro and Laios hand in hand yay" side to the fight, that comes after
The fight with Toshiro WAS very scary to Laios, almost existentially so, but it’s moreso the "I thought I’d made a friend!!" bit and my god. My god actually
Like it’s not "just" about oh his friend liking him less than he thought, THAT IS SO MUCH. It’s a bond he thought he had being a lie it’s all the time and moments spent together either being a lie from his perspective or marred now looking back. It’s not only being upset at Toshiro for lying but upset at himself that he’s so easy to fool, it’s being upset that there’s something so wrong with you that you can’t even tell if your "close buddy" even actually likes you or not, it’s like. Holding my head. He can’t trust his own vision of events that happened do you see. There’s always this film of distrust that it could be a lie that should be there when he interacts with people there’s always this sense of cloak and dagger to expect backstabs out of nowhere because you CAN’T see it coming you CAN’T you CAN’T there’s something about you which makes it impossible so you CAN’T-
He’s so scared of not being able to read people. He knows it’s a weak spot he has, he’s always known. All of these bits are centered around social expectations and betrayals, the assumption that he doesn’t belong either in society or with other humans.
And Laios’ level of awareness is actually sort of complex to analyze, but it’s there, there’s how out of him and Falin he was the one sensitive to the ~aura of hatred~ he felt from the townspeople, there’s of course his nightmares whispering to him about the mocking looks, and how yeah actually he realizes that his gold stripper coworker was taking advantage of him. There’s of course the Winged Lion speech about his trauma and how he fundamentally mistrusts/dislikes humans to some deep seated degree, this distrust that he still keeps under control always. There’s how pre-canon he often wanted to suggest eating monsters but never worked up the courage to bring it up with the others. There’s how he gets across as stoic when he isn’t being enthusiastic…… We don’t know how aware and wary he is exactly in the moment but we do know he has some anxiety around social stuff, and looking back he does notice and aughh augh, the sense you have to hide yourself to not get hurt and be on your guard and shit and.
When you don’t know what to look out for and when to look out for it, the general ‘common sense’ of not always trusting people or noticing when someone’s messing with you becomes hypervigilance in social settings
"Man they really know what you hate huh". Being socially unaware literally plagues him, he knows, he knows it so well.
It’s so quick that it’s almost hard to digest how literal and blatant Laios summoning his monster to crush all the people who’ve hurt him is. His literal go-to coping mechanism for comfort in his literal monster-induced emotionally intense nightmares, saving him by taking away the upsetting element (the humans)
"Monsters are his coping fantasy, where they can whisk him away from humanity, all the hurt it’s caused him and its arbitrary rules" with the subtlety of a brick. Monsters are his comfort safe zone "because they kill humans" yes but no it’s because he pits them as the guardians against humans who to him are in the role of the agressors. To him they represent freedom from the shackles of what it means to be part of humanity, a fundamentally social species
#Fumi rambles#Was asked to post this but a lot of this is present in my shuro-Laios fight analysis from Laios’ pov#Bite sized fumi#Laios touden#Meta#happy nightmare chapter day#Character analysis#Spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#And humanity being a social species is ofc ultimately not shown as a negative.#Dunmeshi is about unity and coming together when seeking to understand that which you do not!!!#But yeah like imagine if you will that you can never really trust your own perspective of events because you literally can’t tell#Wether the person likes you or hates you and you just can’t tell. Even when they ARE being obvious about it#The nightmare scene is so real like I def have vivid memories where I’m like ‘Ah yeah they cringed here#that should have been a dead giveaway’. It wears on self-esteem and self-trust. Like “you don’t belong in society” in a way they’re#sorta like factually not wrong and like. Oh ok man. Sitting down#Just spitballing here obvi. Personal experience. Hey did you guys know that dunmeshi is good. Man. It’s good#Dungeon meshi#Analysis#Feeling The Owl House Gus meltdown episode in tha club tonight#Sobbing about how the flashbacks we see of Laios’ childhood are only happy when it centers around Falin or the dogs
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"Oh har har Gotham is terrible to Joker and that's why he acts the way he does," Gotham worships a hot topic furry with the mental stability of a soggy cracker and thinks a 10 year old vigilante is perfectly normal
#like im.sorry but what the fuck possesses dc writers to depict joker as a biproduct of an intolerant community#that he constantly harms and abuses and generally worsens by just standing there#am i supposed to feel sorry for that bitch? i dont#me personally i think it'd be hilarious if they refused to indulge his pariah complex#collectively they all agree to stop reacting to his antics. oh you're gonna blow up the bank?? haha you prankster#you're gonna kidnap someone and hold them hostage? here let me help you! want me to call batman for you?#hey jokie did you see the game! had a nice weekend? like literally fuck this man lmao#batman#bruce wayne#dc comics#dc#text#text post
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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.
first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.
it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.
and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.
you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.
and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.
your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.
in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.
in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.
so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.
you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.
once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.
and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"
you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?
hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!
you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.
we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck#good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen#im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3#writeblr#the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also#''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist#i was <3 punctured <3 during mine#and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3#she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh#ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance#i'd crash on the table#like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it#and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just#woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes#she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room#from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing#and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying#and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap#with this terrible memory#i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like#that was too many liters#and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home#i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after#that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty#you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it#while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED#and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.
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and they were galpals
#oh i am SO predictable#alternative captiob to this post: welll... good luck babes!#but idk if the dndadders like chappel roan☹️#also lawl this is gonna sound SO stupid but as a lesbian this is. so INSANELY important to me😭#i will write so much fanfiction#for the firsy time in my life#i will write an essay anf publish it when s3 ends#if theyre not canon i will cry myself to sleep until the day i die#dndads#dungeons and daddies#apple pie#IDK I SAW SOMEONE PITCH THAT AD THEIR SHIP NAME AND A PART OF ME MELTED#Kelsey Grammar#is it with an e or an a?? nobody knows#Trudy Trout#someone notify my asap whrn we collectively agree on a ship name#the peachyville horror#peachyville#love them so so so much#god dammit they did it again#hey siri play heaven is a place on earth and do it NOW#me and my girl when we're literally trudy and kelsey
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