#i’m dreading tomorrow
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wow alaska you really are a fucking failure, can’t even sketch a concept idea or finish your damn essay can you??
#i’m dreading tomorrow#i have way too much shit going on and no motivation#i’m going to cry#i have drama tomorrow until five thirty and then i have to go to a dumb college thing until seven with my parents#because god forbid i get thru a month of junior year without my mom telling me she can’t wait for me to go to college#i get where she’s coming from but it ficking hurts#why is the depression hitting hard this week like#the one week my arms are going to be out in public and i don’t have makeup to cover it#i’m fikcing ugly aren’t i#i shouldn’t even go out in public lmfao#i’m not having a good time im sorry#vent
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silly little clementine 🍊 these are so bad sorry
#i had fun drawing these..#i think k will probably draw more clementine tomorrow..#i’m very productive#maybe i’ll draw something more exciting#i like the little drawings i did in this i think they’re funny#oh and happy clem!!! so cute.. love when she is happy and not dreading life#my art#twdg#the walking dead game#clementine#clementine twdg
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The whiplash of giggling and kicking my feet at the Sulemio scene in episode 11 and then experiencing the after credits scene in episode 12…
Oh my god.
#Miorine’s voice haunts me#I’m so dreading/looking forward to watching the second season tomorrow#the witch from mercury#sulemio#gundam#gundam the witch from mercury#g witch#gundam wfm#suletta mercury#miorine rembran#mioletta
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good night lanceblr goodnight
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why is having a job so…difficult?? like, I “can” do it (by that I mean I can physically do my job (I work at a grocery store) but I feel like im gonna die the whole time)
like yesterday, i worked a closing shift and i think i was having a panic attack for like 2 and half hours. there wasn’t even that much happening, so idk why i felt the way I did. I thought I was going to have to text my manager to get someone to come and take the rest of my shift because I thought I was legitimately going to pass out
#it was probably the worst day of work I’ve had yet#it was a shorter shift too#it was 6 hours instead of the usual 8#and i work tomorrow#and I’m dreading it#actually autism#actually autistic#actually adhd#actually audhd#autism blog#autism spectrum disorder#autism#autistic spectrum#autistic things#being autistic#autistic#autistic experiences
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I hate when something sad happens and all I want is to go spend a week out in the country away from where I heard the bad news like somehow being away from home means the Bad Things can’t reach me. It’s literally just running away. I want to lay at the bottom of a moving river (not dead, not drowning, a secret third thing)
#venting and loathing#he had two days of being married. two.#I’m so tired and I keep getting these waves of anguish and anxiety and I can’t find music CHILL and SOOTHING enough everything is too FAST#my joints ache so much lately too. I feel dreadful.#sometimes I feel like I take my anguish and misery and out it and myself into a glass case. and then put that case in a public space.#isolated. but visible. I have such a hard time showing emotional pain around others (even and especially loved ones) that it just ends up#being like this. I’m leaving post it notes in the hallways of my blog.#in time I’ll find this post again maybe and I’ll cringe at my own vulnerable state and how I bled personal things all over my space.#my hip hurts so much. but I’m alive. I’m alive. I’m alive.#I can’t give up today. because tomorrow might be the best day of my life.
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bruh
#system of a down#daron malakian#shavo odadjian#john dolmayan#serj tankian#I fucking love this#I didn’t post this on Reddit though#he’s giving ozzy vibes#I feel like he did his time in the spotlight and can now enjoy just being normal?#like out of the spotlight?#not to get too deep about a joke but#like we were never really told how bad his social anxiety is#as far as I’m aware#but I bet it’s a relief to just be at home#this is coming from someone who cried in a store at 14? because I lost sight of my mom and got overwhelmed#that’s just general mental illness though#anyway#I tested positive for not going to bed on time#again#dreading the email I know that’s awaiting me tomorrow lmao
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There’s always thinking about the character on the clock. At least there’s always that.
#i’m dreading work tomorrow for some reason but at least there’s this. also revenging angel tomorrow night#goodnight
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weyler || dark red
#i’m disappearing for like a week come friday so i’m posting this now <3#i have to pack tomorrow bc i’m not home thursday and when i tell you i’m dreading figuring out what to take#how does one pack clothes for 7 days#anyways they <3#wednesday addams#tyler galpin#wednesday x tyler#weyler#wyler#what are y’all calling them i’m clueless here#wednesday tag#my edits tag
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this morning i was just living life as usual and now i have applied for one of my dream (seasonal) jobs and have mountain goats tickets so like. :))
#GOOD DAY!!!!!!!#work was also really fun - had some great conversations with my coworkers and got a lot of things in order#expect to accomplish a LOT tomorrow too!#and lots of social engagements#when will schoolwork get done? unclear.#but it WILL get done#and all will be well#pleased with myself for being SUCH a freak that i managed to apply before the job was advertised ANYWHERE#i caught it just a few hours after it was posted#i wanted to catch it almost immediately#but it’s probably best that i didn’t… i think it all worked out for the best#and VERY pleased about tmg tickets :))#nice of them to wait until i’ll be JUST recovered enough to go to come within reasonable driving distance#BUT before i start this new job (IF i get it) which would make me unavailable on weekends#perfect timing!!#anyway - all i need now is an interview date for this job and i’m SET#i’m still a little nervous but RELIEVED nervous instead of dread#which is MUCH preferred
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#so many things#this is one my ways to let it out <3#i have a chem thing tomorrow and i’m screaming inside (1)#i have to review and practice lots of the material because i’m still very much BAD at it all in one night :TONIGHT (2)#i dread the moment next week starts when i’m back in my normal schedule of classes again because wooho look what i’ve reaped from those fiv#days of dispensation!!!! absolutely nothing. (3)#anyways. i also. have started liking on an actual real life person again for some reason and it’s been a torture#but i’ve been trying not to think about it (lie) (i think about it way too much & actually have started writing about it & it’s eughh) (4)#i have plenty of regret playing in my head over and over (5)#i’m pretty sure a certain person dislikes me and that it’s actually justified because oh my godd :/ (6)#okay goodbye 🫶🏽#chem tag#got lovestruck went straight to my head#nadirants#OH AND ALSO#i already feel nostalgic about the people i have just become close with this week ://///(7)
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Six days is way too fucking long for a work conference. I may love science but I will eventually want to stop talking about it and think about my other interests 💀💀💀
#I leave tomorrow morning and I’m already dreading it#pray for me mutuals I’ll be in the middle of nowhere in a dorm#at my old age#a dorm#with community showers and everything
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Calling it now, Kirk is gonna try (and maybe even succeed) flirting or even hooking up with La’an next episode.
#I will elaborate upon request#I feel the presence of Apollo’s dodgeball#no I do not think this is a bad thing or something to dread#I’m just noticing things and character traits#and I’m bracing for people to be upset about something that seems totally plausible to me#despite the fact it won’t affect Spirk as a ship in any way shape or form#star trek#Star Trek predictions#star trek strange new worlds#james t kirk#la’an noonien singh#Jim Kirk#La’an#Star Trek snw#snw#tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow#strange new worlds
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Glad I’m starting therapy so soon after moving out ☝️ I am already feeling the helplessness and loneliness
#vent#<- slightly? not that strongly? this is a pretty chill post like. I feel pretty chill#but also :( sad#I miss my family and friends at home#I haven’t really talked to my roommates#including the one who’s been my friend since high school bc she’s been sick (?) for the past few days#and this semester is definitely going to be A Lot#I got accepted into another choir but I’m most likely not joining bc my schedule is so packed#but the main thing is#I FEEL LIKE A BABY#my parents never really made me cook or clean and I just feel kinda useless#I’m just gonna have to force myself to learn which is fine#and my parents have offered to walk me through stuff over the phone when they can#but idk I just feel really immature bc like. damn I am 20 and don’t know how to cook Anything#I’m gonna go grocery shopping either tonight or tomorrow and get some sandwich supplies and other non-cooking stuff#so we are not completely doomed lol#also I need to do laundry tomorrow.. which. I can do and have done before. but I’m still gonna call my mom for guidance 😅#idk I think the main thing that’s stressing me out is spending money on food vs. groceries#and trying to eat at least some protein and fruits/vegetables etc. while also not spending exorbitantly#bc I am SOOOO irrationally anxious about money. I hate hate hate spending money#so the whole idea of grocery shopping is just kind of filling me with dread 🥲#but I will do it bc I need to Adult at some point#I just. idk I guess most students do this and I’m being whiny about it bc I’m not used to it??#but it just feels like So Much to be taking five classes and doing a bunch of extracurriculars and living on my own for the first time!#like! ahhh! too much at once!#😰😰😰#and I need to get an internship soon 😀 and if I don’t get one this semester I need to at least get a job so I can stress less about money 😀#but I always stress about money regardless 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 even though I have scholarships savings etc 😀😀 ocd things! 😁 (🥲)#thank god for my meds and the thought that I’ll be starting therapy in the next week or two#and also my mom for being like the sweetest wver
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I asked hey since you’re going upstairs anyways could you take this bin of laundry too instead of accepting your bowl to bring up (I always do if I don’t have stuff to bring up) but no. And then “this too”
I’m going to “this too” myself to fucking death if I’m not careful. (I’m too tired. I’m Very Aware I don’t even have time for a good cry right now because dealing with my laundry SAME DAY isn’t fucking enough. And I’m not getting much help that’s out of the ordinary. And I’m just. Not Enough as an adult.
Maybe mum would help me hang some of this wet laundry. But maybe not.
“But I work tomorrow” “doesn’t matter.”
And if I want mum to get to vote I’m the one that needs to drag her ass there. (Fuck. I. Fuck. Just. Not the conservatives please. )
And I mean. Probably part of this is that my period started too. (Which honestly thank fuck bc I do not want to be on heavy days for inner thigh tattoo day). But like. I don’t have time for this. I don’t have time to wallow. I don’t have time to type this shit out. I should’ve been asleep an hour ago. More if I actually went in earlier. Maybe half an hour. Maybe FUCK YOU and I’ll make myself breakfast at 4am y’all can go back to sleep after. I just need to not kill myself or anyone else and to drive I need to FUCKING SLEEP.
I.
I was feeling SO GOOD. I got to visit with my friend from class and meet their cats!!! I got the errands done. I got some bakery rewards. I got my glasses dropped off and perhaps they’ll maybe cover new frames since they’re under warranty hopefully but idk. I got home and made food. I did two loads of laundry technically sort of. But I can’t do it all. I can’t. And I can’t ever do enough for you. But unless you want to pay me at least 2/3 of what I’m making now (which I KNOW you can’t actually afford) I don’t really have the spare time to clean the house in that way. I just. I’m crashing out again. (I’m so glad I got some kitty time and socialization though)
#…I can wear my sleep token knitwear tomorrow at least though. maybe it’ll make me smile again#vent#whining#shattered fragments#I’m. I’m doing my best to keep track of things.#I’m doing my best to manage stress#bc if it gets to the point where I’m having stress dreams where I’m dying again I have to quit everything and start over again#like. I don’t remember dreams. generally. just some nightmares.#and that’s the only one in recent years that I remember.#nothing else but dread and that I’m dying as a direct result of stress#(at least as of last year my heart was perfect (somehow))
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#i’ve been dreading the first silent moment to really feel she was gone#yesterday after the initial devastation there was people to tell. things to do.#but we all decided to take today to rest and process before we start going through the house tomorrow#and i’m just staring down this never ending road of never speaking to her again#and in moments like this… my mom is exactly who i’d call.#🦋❤️
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