#i’m done with my gay self

[captainnightflare]

People Watching (Hermione Granger x Reader FF)

So this is my first official fanfic that I’ve put off for a long time. I’ve been wanting to practice more in writing and see how it goes 🫠

I do have a wattpad for this story as well so if anyone is interested it’s under the same name as the one listed above. I’m currently in the middle of writing the second chapter 😅 so let’s hope I don’t take too long writing that one.

Anyways I hope you all enjoy ♥️✨🥲

Chapter 1

Y/n had head over heels fallen for Hermione Granger. Who won’t? The girl was charming, brillant, and just an overall dream of a girl to have. That’s all she is to Y/n. A dream, very far from reach.

That didn’t stop her from daydreaming of the brunette all through potions class though. “Y/n!” Snape snapped at the girl.

“Huh?” Blinking, the young woman was pulled from her cloud nine when she heard the snickers of her peers, daring to glance around her eyes immediately were drawn to the girl that caused said daydreams.

She was giving her a slight point look, signaling her to the text they were currently on.

Love potions.

“Y-yes sir?”

The potions master was giving this class a special visit due to everyone’s advancements on the course. Even in their last year, the graduating class had an overwhelming amount of students wanting to increase their knowledge of the subject. Of course Hermione Granger would be one of them, and of course Y/n followed the girl’s lead.

“Tell me girl, what is the main ingredient found in all love potions?” Snape asked.

“Pearl Dust sir.” She replied.

The y/h/c could have swore she saw the dark haired teacher smile at her. It gave her the chills.

“Correct Ms. Y/l/n, I expect nothing short from someone of Ravenclaw. Now if the rest of you would please turn..”

Signing the y/h/c turned back to her textbook, tuning the rest of her class out as she used her pencil to tap a beat out. This damn song has been stuck in her head. It started slow and silent to not draw the attention of anyone around her.

Before long she was softly singing,

“I end up all alone but I still keep hoping.” A smile began to spread.

“I wanna feel all that love and emotion. Be that attached to the person I’m holding. Someday, I’ll be falling without caution. But for now, I’m only people watching.”

The beat and her voice came to an end as the bell rang. Grabbing her stuff Y/n made her way out the door into the busy halls. Ignorant of the soft brown eyes following her out.

Y/n made her way to the Ravenclaw dorms still humming that song, looking around to be sure no one would be she started to sing again,

“I’m only looking just to live through you vicariously.

I’ve never been in love, not seriously.” Mimicking the hit of drums the young woman made her way up to the entrance of the chambers.

“I had a dream about a house behind a picket fence.

Next one I choose to trust, I hope I use some common sense.”

“So that was the song you were tuning to in Potions.”

The sudden elegance of Hermione’s voice nearly sent Y/n straight into the wall. “Jesus, Hermione! When the hell did you get here? You damn near gave me a heart attack.” The girl had her hand over said racing heart.

“I apparated, how else would I catch up to you?” The curly haired girl replied with a teasing tone.

“Well.. you have a point.” The flush covering the girl’s cheeks was almost radiating. God, she did not expect Hermione to hear her sing.

The small silence over took the girls as the Ravenclaw student went to open the chamber. Finally feeling the heat from her face fade.

“You have a lovely voice Y/n.” The young brunette whispered.

And with that she nearly trips into the wall again, only to catch herself with her hands right before her face hits. “Y/n?!” Hermione rushes to the girl gently pulling her arm up and away from the stone wall.

“S-sorry!” Y/n stutters out as her face continues to turn a darker shade of red, a small laugh escaping her. “I’m sorry, I’m not used to hearing people compliment me like that.”

“Well you should get used to it, like I said you have a lovely voice. If you decide to use it more, expect more compliments like that Y/n.”

“Heh, you’re insane Granger.” The flush settled down to light blush as the girl was finally able to open the chamber. “I’m guessing from your sudden appearance you’re wanting to study together again?”

That cocky smirk was the y/h/c answer as she was pulled by Hermione through the common towards her dorm. “You ask as though we haven’t been doing this since second year.”

“Hey! First year you didn’t even want to study together because you enjoyed your precious alone time.”

“Yes well, that was my teenage angst trying to push you out before you got bored of me and left me to my studies alone.”

“You’re a mad woman if you think I’ll leave you alone anywhere Granger.” Y/n laughed as she ran up the stairs, completely missing the adoring blush coating her crush’s face.

“Dolt..” Hermione muttered softly before rushing after the girl.

“Ughh… Mione! My brain is going to explode.”

Sighing, the girl closed her book and looked toward Y/n who was spawned on the floor surrounded by books. “I completely doubt your brain will explode from the knowledge you just consumed.”

“You don’t know that.. There’s no studies proving that wrong.”

“There’s also no studies proving that right.” A small giggle slipped from the brunette as picked another book up before beginning to read again.

The y/e/c witch let out a huff before focusing herself back on her work. It wasn’t really working as she let her pencil begin to tap a familiar beat on her book. One that didn’t go unnoticed by a brown eyed witch, trying to subtly as possible see if the y/h/c witch will start singing.

To her credit she did begin to hum to the beat, small and soft mutters of the song coming through her voice.

“That wasn’t funny but she laughed so hard, she almost cried.

They’re counting months they’ve been together, almost 49.

She’s making fun of how she acted ‘round the holidays.

She wears a ring but they tell people they’re not engaged.”

Hermione’s eyes sparkled as her friend’s voice grew with each passing lyric. The beat of her pencil became more pronounced.

“They met in class for metaphysical philosophy

She tells her friends, ‘I like her 'cause she's so much smarter than me’

They're having talks about their futures until 4:00 a.m.

And I'm happy for them.”

Y/n’s voice began to grow with emotion as she let herself be lost in the song.

“But I wanna feel all that love and emotion

Be that attached to the person I'm holding

Someday, I'll be falling without caution

But for now, I'm only people watching”

The soft beat of the y/h/c pencil slowed as she let the tune fade with her voice. Finally taking a breath she felt a smile grow on her face. Turning her complete attention to her work. Failing to notice the curly haired Gryffindor stand from her bed, quietly approaching her.

‘I love you’, thought Hermione. ‘God, I love you Y/n’. The brunette carefully crouched down to meet the Ravenclaw’s gaze.

Said girl noticed her presence as she looked up. She gave the Gryffindor a crooked smile, “Hello Granger.”

Hermione smiled back, “Hello Y/l/n.”

The two held their loving gaze for what seemed like hours before Hermione slid her hand under Y/n’s chin, tilting her head higher. The tension was rising as their eyes connected with one another. The y/e/c and brown eyes drifted to each other’s lips. Y/n slowly swallowed as she felt heat rise to her face, “H-Hermione..?”

A small hum was given to the girl’s question as she felt her brown haired friend’s lips hover over her own as her breath hitched. “Y/n.”

‘This can’t be real. Hermione’s gonna–’

“Y/n.” That sweet angelic voice pulled her gaze back to her crush’s eyes.

“Hermione–”

“Y/n, wake up.”

“What?” Confusion set on the girl’s face. Her vision was blurring the beautiful face in front of her.

“Y/n wake up, it’s getting late.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Y/N!”

The sudden jolt of her slumber sent the y/h/c girl down to the floor with her papers. Groaning, as she laid on the cold floor. It was a dream. One sweet torturous dream.

“Jeez you were in some deep sleep weren’t you?” Asked Hermione.

“You have no idea.” The Ravenclaw muttered as she pushed herself off the floor, dusting off her uniform pants. She looked up to see her friend had packed her books and papers in her bag, ready to walk to her dorm. “You’re heading out?”

Sighing, the girl swung the bag over her shoulder adjusting it a bit from the weight, “I am. It’s getting closer to dinner time and you know how the boys are when I don’t show on time.”

A small chuckle escaped Y/n, “Oh I know, they worry for you. It’s sweet.”

The groan of protest came out of the burnett’s mouth, “It’s annoying. I am more than capable of protecting myself.”

“Trust me, you don’t have to tell me that Granger. I’ve seen first hand how hard of a right punch you can throw. Specifically at Malfoy.”

The beginning of a blush spread across Hermione’s face, “I really wish you would forget that.”

Smirking, the Ravenclaw girl made a show of putting up her hands in a boxer’s position. “And forget the day the genius Hermione Granger put Malfoy in his place? Absolutely not.” Laughing as she saw her friend hurry towards the door.

“Okay! Bye Y/n!” Said friend was about to reach towards the door when another hand appeared and opened it for her. Looking up and seeing a giggling Y/n. “Oh come on Granger, you know I gotta walk you.”

“Fine, but you have to carry my bag for me then.”

“Gladly.”

The two students made their way towards the Gryffindor dorms. Chatting about their day and studies.

“Honestly ‘Mione, you should slow down and enjoy our last year in Hogwarts. Have some fun, hell even go to a party with those hyper boys of yours.” Y/n teased as they turned the corner.

“Please, I doubt I’m missing anything. Besides, I could say the same to you. I never see you attend any gatherings or parties.” The girl pointed out as she turned towards her friend.

The y/h/c girl had at least the decency to look embarrassed before throwing her hand behind her head and turning away from her crush. A nervous tick the Gryffindor had picked up their third year.

“Well you never want to go to those, I don’t want to go without you.” The Ravenclaw muttered. Totally missing the blush now decorating said crush’s face.

“I-I didn’t realize..” Hermione whispered.

“It’s no big deal. Really. I just wanted you to have a bit of fun, you know, to make some memories with me.” Y/n carefully replied.

It wasn’t untrue. The girl did want Hermione to have fun, but there was also a selfish part of her that wanted to share some firsts with Hermione. First New Year's kiss which was quickly thrown out the window by Viktor. First dance, also Viktor. First kiss in the rain, Ron was able to score that. There wasn’t not many romantic gestures the y/h/c could do now for the girl that wasn’t already upstaged by her ex-boyfriends.

Sighing, the girl adjusted her friend's bag over her shoulder and both continued to walk in silence. ‘I’ve never really been in love, not seriously at least.’ Y/n thought. Sure she has had her fair share of girlfriends over her years in Hogwarts. But every time she looked into their eyes she couldn’t help but remember the chocolate brown eyes she looked for in the crowds of the hall. Every time they went to her Quidditch games she wished it was Hermione’s voice cheering her on.

The atmosphere had a heavy weight to it. Both girls were lost in their thoughts. Hermione not realizing until now that Y/n has been wanting to experience these sorts of things with her. Wanting to send some quality time together outside their classes and studies. The young witch bit her lower lip as she glanced at the y/e/c girl. ‘She never asked, she wanted me to want it for myself. She wanted both of us to have fun.’

Both girls came to stop at the dorm’s entrance, ‘Maybe I can change that.’ Hermione thought.

“Y/n–”

The loud opening of the Gryffindor’s common room entrance interrupted the curly haired brunette as a figure appeared.

“Oh Y/n, Hermione, what are you two doing out here?” Ginny asked.

“Oh uh, I was just walking Hermione to her dorm, we just got done studying.” Y/n replied as she handed the girl back her bookbag.

If you want to call Y/n falling asleep for the last hour of their studying as just done.

“Well I’ll leave you to it then. Also Y/n are you still going to perform at the festival?” The redhead asked.

“If you and the rest of the group are going to help me perform then definitely.” A small smile graced the y/h/c girl’s face.

Confused by their conversation Hermione asked, “Festival? What festival?”

Before Y/n had a chance to explain Ginny butted in, “Oh Y/n didn’t tell you? A bunch of Seniors are going to be hosting a small festival. It’s this weekend, a bunch of us are going to perform an act or song.”

“O-oh I didn’t realize..” The brunette replied softly.

“I was going to tell you later tonight at dinner, I wasn’t sure if you wanted to come and see us perform.” Y/n said, her hands coming back behind her head as she glanced down and playing with the imaginary rocks on the floor with her shoe. ‘I wasn’t sure if you wanted to come see me perform.’ She selfishly thought.

“I would love to.”

Snapping her head towards the young genius Y/n saw her staring straight into her own eyes. “What?” Both her and Ginny asked. It seems as though even their redheaded friend was taken aback by the witch’s reply.

“I’d like to see you– I mean both of you perform.”

“Really?” Y/n asked with a hint of excitement laced in her voice. Was Hermione really going to go see her?

“Of course, I would have said yes if you asked me you know.”

“R-right! I mean I was planning on asking you tonight but–”

“Don’t worry about it. I guess I’m seeing you this weekend then?”

“Yes! Yes, of course you will. Uh there’s no real dress code. Casual ya know? There’s going to be some vendors and games set up. Performances will start around 7 pm, we’re the finishing act so it'll be a while before you see us.” Y/n rambled on, she was clearly ecstatic from the news of Hermione going.

Which clearly did not go unnoticed by a certain redhead, she and the girls from the Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Slytherin, and Hufflepuff had a betting wager going on for when these two got together.

“I’ll be there.” Hermione smiled.

Y/n couldn’t hold herself back as she flung herself towards her crush. “Brilliant! I promise ‘Mione you won’t regret it!” She exclaimed.

A small dust of red settled on the girl’s cheeks as she hugged Y/n back. “I doubt I will with you handling it.”

Chuckling the y/h/c pulled back to stare briefly at her friend before letting her go and turning back towards the lunch hall. “Ginny will fill you in on the details Granger. We’ll make sure you get a front row seat to our song.”

“Wait, you're all singing?”

“Ha! She wishes, nope Y/n is going to be the only one singing and playing the drums.” Ginny teases.

“Wait! Y/n you can play the drums?” Obviously hearing her sing earlier the brunette wasn’t too surprised by that bit of information.

A snicker came from the y/h/c, “I gotta keep you on your toes Granger, don’t be surprised when I keep a few tricks and secrets up my sleeve.” With one wink the girl sprinted towards the lunch hall.

The blush seemed to have spread to the girl’s ears as Hermione could do nothing more but admire the retreating form of her friend. ‘I’m so screwed.’ She thought.

Giggling from a certain Weasley snapped her out of her trance making the girl glare. “Not one word Ginny.”

“I didn’t say anything.” Holding her hands up in defense the redheaded witch let the girl pass her as she made her way towards her dorm.

Well, this weekend was certainly something Hermione was looking forward to.

—————————————

Authors notes:

Thank you all so much for your time and support. I’m still working on perfecting my writing with my own stories but writing fanfic helps a lot!

If you’re ready for the final chapter the link is here below:

[thatonedudeinthecorner]

My go at the “older twins” designs

Thanks @tiffanyblewss for basically giving me all of the color ideas LMAO

[diaries-of-a-questioning-queer]

For some unknown reason, whenever I have a crush on someone, I always want to avoid dating them. Like, sometimes I’d like to, deep inside me, but I’ll go out of my way to make sure that doesn’t happen. Idk, maybe it’s self preservation or something.

[foldingfittedsheets]

Sometime around eight or nine my best friend and I learned about hickies. I suspect he’s the one who learned it and shared it with me. We were both utterly fascinated and on a dare I sucked mightily on my own upper arm to give myself one.

This was great fun, self made bruise. Hilarious.

But looking at the mark later I thought that perhaps it might be best to bandage it lest any questions crop up. My parents were often suspicious of my friendship with the boy across the street anyway, and I had a vague inkling that perhaps hickies might fall under the vaguely looming topic of Sex.

So I put a bandaid on it.

I’m not sure if my mom was suspicious regardless but as I was getting out of the shower a day later she popped in and spotted my unbandaged mark. The handle was flown off. She was a creature made only of yelling. She demanded to know where it had come from.

I told her I’d done it myself. She scoffed and said I couldn’t even reach that place on my arm. I put my mouth over the mark. She escalated her volume to ask why I’d hidden it if it were nothing and I gestured vaguely to encompass her irate direction. She did not care for that or believe me, but the discussion was tabled.

Tension simmered in the house. A few days later it was a weekend and I asked if I could stay over at my friend’s house. To the bafflement of my friend and I our parents were increasingly hesitant to allow this childhood bonding. If he’d been a girl there would be no issue but he was a boy.

It didn’t seem to matter that we were both children and that my menstrual cycle would not arrive for several more years. Or that a boy was safer from me than many female friends would be on later sleepovers. The constant jokes we both loathed from both sets of parents that someday we’d get married now seemed ominous.

There were phone calls. The sleepover was reluctantly agreed to. I packed up my pillowcase with all the stuff I’d need for the night and headed toward the door. My father stopped me.

He insisted I sit down. I sat.

He stuttered, “Now. You’re like. Ah. A flower. And your friend is a- uh. A bee. And bees will sting you- uhm- if they can so you need to use- uh- protection- from stinging.”

I was nine. I had no fucking idea what was going on and my dad was not really helping. As he rambled I slowly started to intuit that this was about S-E-X and was very probably the result of my hickey but I had no idea how to make him stop talking.

I will never understand why it was my father giving this talk in the first place. My mother had previously worked in a sex shop and phrases like, “Make sure to use lube, you don’t wanna rub it raw down there,” were a common part of my youth. My father meanwhile turned red as a beet and stammered at any mention of Sex.

He finished his mortifying and confusing talk with, “Don’t tell your friend about this talk.”

The door closed to my friends room and I immediately told him about it.

We were both utterly horrified at the thought of each other as anything more than frenemies. We fought, we played games, we set off fireworks. Why did adults need to taint that?

But tainted it was.

Both sets of parents continued to radiate an unwholesome suspicion about our friendship now and we never brought up the topic of sleepovers ever again. It is a source of tremendous amusement that despite all their worry over our relationship my friend and I both turned out gay.

[the-wiggles]

Every time I add a silly little fic idea to my long list of things I’ll never get around to writing I ponder where I’d be if I didn’t make my personality for 5+ years around how much I hate writing

[permanentlyfemale]

⚠️ Feminization, Misgendering, Forced detrans kink ahead! ⚠️

Today is a scary day for you. As a trans man, finding the right therapist is far more difficult than it is for most people, especially as you weren’t looking for just a new therapist today. You also need someone to write you a top surgery letter. Although you’ve only been on T for 2 months, barely enough to notice anything besides an increased libido and clit growth, your breasts are by far your biggest source of dysphoria. You often wear two binders when you’re going anywhere, and even then, a sizable bump is visible on your chest. You’re hoping they may become easier to bind with hormones, but you already know that you’ll need surgery regardless.

“Milo Brown?” A masculine voice calls your name from across the room. Glancing up, you see a very attractive man, much taller than you, looking to be in good shape under his professional attire, but not overly muscular. His dark shoulder-length wavy hair and stubble complement his gentle, masculine face and warm brown eyes.

Surprised by the man’s beauty, you stumble on your words as you rise from your seat. “I- uh- I’m here.”

“Great! Let’s get back to my office.” He smiles warmly and gestures for you to follow him out of the waiting room and down a hallway, passing mostly empty offices on the way. This doesn’t seem too odd, as there was construction on the lower floor. Maybe some patients didn’t like the noise and cancelled? Or maybe you’re trying to distract yourself from thinking of the exceedingly attractive man that may soon be your therapist. You’ve considered yourself gay since coming out, but starting hormones has certainly made that attraction all the more apparent.

As he opens his office door, you’re surprised by how casual it is. There’s a long couch next to an armchair, with a clipboard set neatly on top. His desk is to the side, seemingly ignored while clients were present in favor of a more personal layout. Thinking of something to say as you sat on the couch, you spit out “I like your office.”

“Thank you Milo, I spent a lot of time thinking of the anatomy of the room and how to make my clients most at ease. I find this works best.” He smiles at you, his eyes gentle and enticing. “I’m Dr. Sterling, I specialize in support for LGBT and FTM clients. Nice to meet you! Tell me a but about yourself and what brings you here.”

“My name is Milo Brown, I’m 19 years old, and I just started testosterone. I’ve been out as trans for a while but finally got access to hormones and I’m hoping to get top surgery as well, but I need a letter for it. I also just need support with my dysphoria and depression.” You cross your arms over your large chest self-consciously.

“Well, that’s nothing I haven’t heard before. Can you tell me more about your dysphoria regarding your chest?”

Shifting uncomfortably in your chair, you hesitantly proceed. “Every day is awful! They’re the first thing I think about when I wake up and I go to sleep trying not to feel or think about them. They’re so big and heavy that I feel them whenever I move and it makes me so dysphoric. It’s also impossible to make myself flat, so I never pass. As a gay man, it’s so hard to find a man who would want a guy with a body like mine!”

“Oh, Milo, I think that’s very negative thinking. Plenty of men would find you attractive! I thought you were quite beautiful when I saw you myself.”

You’re surprised by his words! That sounded very flirtatious, but maybe he was just trying to boost your ego. Either way, it made the empty space between your legs tingle when he said it. You also didn’t know he was queer, but it definitely makes you more comfortable with him. “Well… that does make me feel better. I still don’t feel comfortable with my chest though.”

“Why don’t we try something? This is an exercise I’ve done with plenty of my transmasuline patients before, and it has always improved their lives and helped with dysphoria. While we do it, I can assess you for top surgery as well! How does that sound?” He smiled at you expectingly.

“Uhhh… yeah, that sounds good. What are we doing?”

“I’m just going to have you answer some questions about your body and dysphoria. This may get uncomfortable, but it’s all part of this process. I’m sure you can trust me, right?”

“Of course!” You answer instinctively.

“Right. First, I want you to take off your shirt and binder.” He instructs casually.

“What!? I thought we were just answering questions. Is that necessary?” You’re again surprised, he wasn’t a surgeon and you had never shown anyone your chest before. You didn’t want to look at it yourself, much less this beautiful man you’re expecting to see regularly!

“I understand this is surprising and uncomfortable, but I want to understand your perspective on your body, as well as assess the size and density for surgery. I need to know this for the letter, and I understand this is very important to you. I’m sorry for the discomfort, Milo.” He looked at you apologetically, his brown eyes sparkling, staring in to your soul and shooting down between your legs.

“I… okay.” What he was saying did make sense, and you would do most anything for this surgery. Resolving to just get this over with, you take off your oversized hoodie and throw it on the couch next to you. Grabbing both binders at once, you exert a herculean force squeezing yourself out, panting as your huge breasts fly out. You blush with embarrassment as a loud clap can be heard from them swinging together.

Dr. Sterling calmly walks closer to you. “Do you know your cup size?”

“Uh… no, sorry.”

“That’s alright, we can measure now.” He smiles warmly and pulls out some measuring tape. Without hesitation, he walks up to you and wraps it around your chest! He first measures your underbust before moving to measure your bust. His hands rest on your breasts as he does so. “Alright… looks like you have J cups.” His hand brushes your nipple as he backs away.

“Mmph!” Involuntarily, you let out a short, feminine moan. Both the dysphoria of knowing your overwhelming cup size and your accidental vocalization leave you embarrassed and blushing harder than ever.

“It doesn’t seem like you’ve experienced any vocal changes from testosterone.” He observes.

“Umm… not yet, no.”

“It also seems like you have quite sensitive nipples?”

“I guess…”

“Well, have you ever considered embracing your breasts?”

“Huh?” You were confused. They made you sad and dysphoric, how could you ever embrace them? He did say whatever he was doing worked for all of his other transmasc patients, but this seemed absurd.

“Your breast are way too big to bind properly. I’ve seen you wearing two binders in here, and that is not healthy. As your therapist, I can’t encourage you to damage your body in such a way, and especially without two binders, you wouldn’t be able to hide them at all anyways. And why go through the trouble of binding if everyone can tell? It might do you some good to just accept your body as it is. It’s not like whether you bind now will affect surgery.”

Unfortunately, everything he was saying made perfect sense. Even when binding, it was very obvious you had breasts. Why go through all the trouble, especially if it was hurting your body? You were dysphoric either way, might as well be more comfortable physically. “I guess… I guess you’re right.”

“Yes… unfortunately it’s also not very possible hormones could reduce them to a bindable size either.”

This devastated you. Even later on testosterone, you would have obvious breasts? How could you expect anyone to take you seriously as a man? You had hoped to begin passing in public soon, and finally begin living comfortably, but you weren’t so sure now. Would it even be safe to live as a non-passing trans man? Why were you going through so much for hormones if there was no hope of passing before surgery anyways? Maybe you should just wait until then for hormones- no one will gender you right as you are now. “Maybe… maybe I should pause testosterone until surgery then.”

“Yes, I can see why. That might be the safest option for you.” He nodded solemnly. “We can practice some exercises to reduce dysphoria until then, if you’d like.” His frown shifted in to a comforting smile.

Still upset, you nodded.

He moved closer and, before you could react, placed one hand on each perky, round breast, grabbing you by the boobs.

Surprised, you squeaked.

“This is just to get you used to your breasts. It often helps most when someone else does it, so you’re more comfortable with other people seeing them.” He gently squeezed and pulled, running his fingers along your supple breasts, warm palms pressing your hard nipples.

“Mmmmmm-! Oooh!” You let out a series of feminine wails as the doctor palms at your breasts. They were so sensitive and they felt so heavy- so wrong on your body- and yet they sent waves of pleasure throughout your curvy figure.

“Are you still going to go by Milo? I mean, you’re stopping T until surgery because you won’t be able to pass. It would be weird to only keep the name and pronouns, especially for strangers.” His hands shifted to thumb at your nipples.

Your thoughts were flooded with waves of pleasure shooting from your tits. The importance of this decision didn’t fully register, but what he was saying made sense to you. “You’re right.”

“Good girl.”

“Huhh…”

“People are going to refer to you by what you look like. You know you don’t pass. This is just exposure training, okay?”

“Okay…” You mindlessly agree as he moves his head close to your breast.

“See? You are a good girl.” He starts to suck on your nipple, causing you to throw your head back and wail in pleasure. You don’t know when his own clothes came off, but he’s getting on top of you and pulling your pants off, leaving you in just your boxers with his much larger biologically male body pinning you down, suddenly kissing your lips.

“What… what are you doing now, d-doctor…” he cuts you off as you pant your words out.

“The easiest way to adapt to and accept being seen as a woman is to have sex with a straight man, one who can use you as only male can use female. You need this, Amelia. It’s okay.”

Hearing your deadname makes you cringe with dysphoria. You’ve always felt an aversion towards it, despising the femininity it signaled. You struggle to reconcile your attraction to the doctor and trust in his methods to your current panic. This all felt good and sounded logical but it’s happening too fast to react, and these are all such big decisions, and suddenly he’s pulling your boxers off.

“Your pussy is so perfect. You make such a sexy woman.” He rubs the length of his cock along your clit and hole. The distinction between your pathetic nub and his masculine length is obvious. He gropes your massive jiggling breasts, squeezing them together and lowering his head to kiss and suck your nipples as his dick prods your entrance.

“Doctor Sterling…” You moan his name as his assault on your tits grows heavier. He sloppily makes out with your huge boobs, enjoying every second he can get drowning in your massive breasts.

He momentarily pulls his mouth from your tits. “Yes… fuck, Amelia!” He rams his hard cock all the way inside you, hitting your cervix as he moans your deadname, resuming his assault on your massive wobbling boobs all the while.

You scream and wail, unsure if it’s in pleasure or some mix of dysphoria and grief for your lost ambitions. Whatever male identity you insisted on was currently obstructed by your massive tits and the straight man enjoying them as he pounded in to your soft, tight vagina. Anyone who saw you two would know immediately that this was heterosexual sex- they would never stop to consider you could be anything but a curvy woman being held down and fucked by a handsome man. Suddenly, the doctor’s thrusts sped up. You forgot condoms, and you’re barely on T!

Right as you open your mouth, he interrupts. “I’m gonna cum, Amelia! I’m cumming inside you!” He holds himself against your cervix, comforting you as you begin to scream. “Shhh, good girl, it’s okay.”

You feel his hot cum flood in to your unprotected pussy, tears falling from your eyes. Feeling the sticky cum start to leak out, you manage to speak. “Do… do you have a towel?”

“Uhhh… here!” He grabs your binders and rips them both, turning them in to makeshift towels as he pulls out, along with a flood of cum.

You know you said you wouldn’t bind anymore, but having the option taken away made everything all the more real. You know it was for the best tho. He specializes in helping trans men, and he said this always works. You just have to trust him! As time runs out, you don’t even realize you forgot to finish your top surgery letter.

Still… you couldn’t wait to book your next session.

[feeder86]

The 1%

It had been such a thrill, finding that the scouts had picked him; those same experts who had signed up the likes of Harley Hawkinson and Carl Williams. Did they really see the same potential in Nicko as they had done in those superstar football players? It all felt so surreal as he got off the plane to Oklahoma and entered the training facility. 

Nicko knew it wouldn’t be easy to prove himself. He looked around the large sports hall, filled with over one hundred large, athletic college guys, all hoping for the same dream of a professional sports contract: to play the game that they loved and get paid handsomely for it.

“As you all know, the modern game of football is dominated by guys who are more muscular than we have ever seen before,” an older guy explained to them from the staging area during this first welcome meeting. “In the last three years, we have seen the average weight of a professional football player increase by 30lbs. And that number looks set to continue to increase.”

Looking around at the other guys, Nicko couldn’t help but understand why he was saying this. Sure, the guys around him were full of talent. How else would they have got here otherwise? But put them on a field with the professionals out there these days, and they would get trampled down in seconds. They all knew it. None of them had the muscle and the bulk that was needed to survive in a big league game.

“Our training scheme and medical support can give you that last hope of achieving your dreams,” the man on stage went on; selling the scheme which each of them had already signed up for. They all knew this was their only real shot at success. These days, no professional football player got anywhere without the experimental drugs offered in places like this; not that anyone would ever admit it outside of these walls. “So, my advice to you is, train hard and work with us… Now I’m going to hand you over to someone you will all be very familiar with. We’re so proud of him and delighted that he has given up his time to be with us today. Boys, please may I introduce you to… the one and only… Carl Williams!” he beamed, as the large room of excited college athletes roared into life.

An enormous, hulking mass of man began strutting from the door and onto the stage. He lifted his arm up, accepting all the applause and smiling from ear to ear. Every muscle on his body was pumped and full. Even his forearms looked incredibly developed. Nicko could hardly believe his eyes! His biggest celebrity crush, right here in the same room with him! Carl was known for playing rough and dirty on the field and, in Nicko’s wildest fantasies, he was much the same in the bedroom. Not to mention the fact that, in terms of celebrity bulges, Carl was off the charts. Every gay site he visited had picked up on the fact Carl was packing something absolutely enormous between those giant thighs. 

The man didn’t speak to them for long, but soon had everyone up on their feet, chanting his name. He stuck around too, and was there that evening as they sat down to their first meal together.

“They say he has some sort of sixth sense about which guys will go on to do well here,” Nicko’s new friend, Steve, whispered to him; both of them looking with jealousy at the six young guys who had been invited to sit on Carl’s table.

Nicko shook his head sceptically. “Nah, they’re just the loud ones who know how to sell themselves,” he scoffed, having met a couple of them and deciding that they were not the type of guys he would want to hang around with here; so pumped full of arrogance and self-importance. “We’ve just got to train hard, that’s all.”

Steve exhaled and raised his eyebrows. “I wish that was true,” he mumbled. “But we both know the only thing that sets this training academy apart from the rest is the drugs they use. You can train as hard as you like, but if the drugs disagree with you, that’s the end of the line. Career over.”

Nicko rubbed the spot where he’d had his first injection earlier that day; straight into the muscle at the top of his right butt cheek. ‘Please work!’ he thought silently. There was nothing more he wanted in life than to be up on that top table with Carl Williams.

During the first three weeks, some guys started to stand out remarkably well. Shoulders began to widen, whilst larger glutes and thighs made the training sessions more intense and physical than ever before. Nicko could see the changes in his roommate, Steve, each time he came out of the shower: his biceps bulging and his pecs pumped.

As for Nicko, he had seen only minor changes in his muscle mass, and he was yet to make any impression on the trainers. But as certain guys began to bulk faster, hit harder and dominate on the field, it became more and more of a challenge to stand out, or even stay on your feet.

Egos were beginning to run riot at the camp. Those guys who had quickly responded to the treatments began to strut about with more confidence and ownership of the place than any of them had expected. The larger guys hung out with each other more, sitting together at meal times and excluding those they obviously found inferior.

“Don’t worry,” Steve whispered to him as it was obvious that everything was getting to Nicko. “You’ll respond more to the drugs soon. You’ve just got to focus on the training. That’s the important part.”

Nicko nodded, knowing that Steve didn’t believe a word of what he was saying. In two weeks, they were making their first eliminations, and Steve knew he was heading straight home.

During the assessment, Steve very quickly got a sense of how badly it was going. He was weighed, prodded and poked to within an inch of his life; seeing the same grim faces on the medical professionals all around him. In the end, he was simply sent to a small room and told to wait there for someone to come and speak to him. The afternoon training session was to begin in thirty minutes, but no-one was in a rush to ensure he would make it. The reason for that was obvious: he wasn’t coming back. 

It was no shock to Nicko that he was in this position. The last week in particular had been especially hard. He’d been thrown around by the larger guys in training, beginning to understand how the nerds must have felt back in high school. At twenty-one years old, Nicko was in a place that was little better than a kindergarten playground.

Without warning, and making Nicko jump with surprise, the door suddenly opened and an enormous muscular man entered. It took a couple of seconds for Nicko to focus and recognise the person who was now filling the tiny room they were in, but when he did, he shot to his feet and held his arm out, desperate to shake the guy’s hand. “Carl Williams!” he blasted. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

Carl looked across at him with a smirk; his eyes travelling up and down Nicko’s body as he reached out his hand for him to shake. “So you’re Nicko, huh?” he asked, as if trying to hold back a laugh.

Nicko nodded, hardly believing that this meeting was even happening. Carl was even more insanely huge and attractive up close like this.

“Sit down, Nicko,” Carl ordered, grabbing a chair himself. “I need to break something to you.”

“I’m being kicked out, aren’t I?” Nicko shot back, not wanting to draw this out and ruin his one-on-one time with his biggest celebrity crush.

“Oh, of course you are,” Carl chuckled, seeming surprised that Nicko had only just figured it out. “But one of the boys told me you had a bit of a crush on me, so I thought I would come in here to soften the blow.”

Carl gazed at Nicko with a sly grin on his face. He knew that he had embarrassed him and he was enjoying the period of time when Nicko was squirming and desperately thinking of how to respond.

“Um, so… how come I’m going home?” he asked, trying to fill the cringing silence.

“Because you’ve not responded to the drugs the same as everyone else,” Carl shot back, looking at him as though he was stupid for not being able to see that for himself. 

“But there are a few guys who aren’t packing on muscle all that fast either,” Nicko protested.

“Oh, you’re right about that,” Carl nodded. “But you’ve not gained any muscle mass at all,” he stated harshly. “In fact, you’re part of the less than 1% who actually lose muscle mass on this treatment.”

“That’s not true,” Nicko protested. “I have gained weight since I’ve been here.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Carl laughed. “You’ve only gained fat since you started.” He pointed at the slight paunch that always popped out whenever Nicko was on a bulking diet. “All the guys can see that. I hear they’ve been giving you a rough time this week? The medical team spotted a nice collection of bruises on your body this morning.”

“Not too bad,” Nicko lied, not wanting to look pathetic in front of his idol.

Carl simply laughed as if he knew differently. “Sure, sure,” he nodded patronisingly. “Those guys are just learning; being on a football team is like being part of a pack of wolves. So when you see a little piggy on the field with you, you’ve got to go for them.”

Nicko’s eyes bulged at Carl’s rudeness. But the professional athlete simply smiled at him, as if daring him to call him out on his comments. Then, when Nicko kept quiet, the big man nodded in approval.

“I like you,” Carl grinned wickedly. “You’ve got the right attitude and you don’t live too far from where I play, do you?” he asked, having clearly studied Nicko’s notes before coming in. “I’d love to grab a few beers with you sometime in the coming months.”

Nicko nodded his head frantically.

“Good,” Carl smiled, reaching his large hand out to stroke Nicko’s thigh. “Play your cards right and I might even let you suck me off,” he teased, before standing and heading straight out of the room.

Despite the daring, unbelievably hot fantasy Carl had dangled in front of Nicko’s nose: home still beckoned. He had lost. The dream of sporting success and insane riches was now over.

With a mediocre college degree, Nicko settled into an equally mediocre office job, close to home so that he could move back in with his parents. He’d suffered from a great sense of failure after the training scheme had gone so badly. No one wanted to be the first one sent home; he hadn’t even had a chance to say even a quick goodbye to his friends. He’d got himself into quite the slump, finding that no matter what he did, he simply couldn’t shake off the little arching paunch he had developed in Oklahoma. In fact, despite all his careful eating and gym work, it actually seemed to be increasing in size more than anything. 

The same could be said for the rest of his body, with Nicko’s underwear pinching uncomfortably as his tight glutes began to pack on some extra, softening mass. Was he really developing love handles at this age, even after all this exercise? It just didn’t seem physically possible. His date, the weekend before, had even called him out on his extra pounds. Perhaps he had even been right to do so; his profile pictures really were a little out of date these days. It meant that when he got the call from someone on Carl Williams’ staff, trying to set up a date for their beers, Nicko went immediately into panic mode. There was nothing in his closet that was suitable for drinks with a football superstar; at least, nothing that fitted!

“Well, well, well…” Carl smirked as Nicko entered the very private VIP room at the back of the noisy, exclusive club in the city. The enormous 335lb football player looked sexier than ever, all dressed up as he was for a night out. “Let me get a look at you,” he demanded, ruthlessly kicking away the table in front of him with his feet and making space for Nicko.

Having travelled for an hour to get here and arguing with the security outside for twenty minutes that he was a guest of Carl’s, Nicko wanted nothing more than to just sit and have a drink. However, when Carl clicked his fingers and pointed again to where he was being summoned, Nicko only did as he was told.

Immediately, Carl reached forwards, slapping one hand on Nicko’s larger butt and the other on the furthest extent that his paunch was now sticking out. He smiled, bouncing both lightly and seeming to appreciate the new width across the middle of Nicko’s body. “Look at you!” he growled with disgust. “You wouldn't last two minutes on the football field now. My boys would rip you to pieces!”

“I’m trying this new diet…” Nicko began explaining, not knowing what else to say.

Carl winced and shook his head impatiently. “Shh! I don’t want to hear about shit like that.” He leaned right back, then tapped his outstretched thigh, silently telling Nicko to sit on it.

Again, Nicko did as he was old, unable to comprehend that he was getting so close to his football idol. He heard Carl growl in appreciation as Nicko’s torso slipped so easily into his reach. Then, without a word, he began unbuttoning Nicko’s shirt from the very top.

“Wait!” Nicko jumped. “Don’t people come in here?”

“Yes,” Carl replied, unperturbed as he reached the fourth button down.

“What if someone comes in and sees me like this?”

“Then they will see…” Carl smiled, finally reaching the end of the buttons and now splaying the shirt material to the sides, “...THIS!”

Nicko tensed as his fleshy torso was revealed to the one person he had been carefully dressing to conceal it from.

“Fuck!” Carl blasted. “Even the tits are coming in!” he laughed loudly, reaching up and bouncing one of Nicko’s nipples.

Nicko got up, feeling embarrassed. He felt Carl’s strong hand clasp the back of his pants and pull him back over his knee so that Nicko actually fell into the space on the couch beside the football superstar. From there, the enormous man seemed to envelope him, his arm over his body and his face so deliciously close.

“Don’t be shy,” Carl whispered teasingly. “This happens to all the boys at the training camp eventually. Well…” he grinned, raising his arm to show off his incredible bicep, “...almost all.”

“Weight gain?” Nicko asked, feeling his stomach rolling over his belt as he sat, half on his back, with the enormous athlete looming over him.

Carl nodded. “A fat belly, jiggly tits, a giant, doughy butt… you know how it goes,” he laughed; his lips devastatingly near. “But the one percent, well, that boy is always very special.”

Niko nodded, remembering Carl referring to the muscle stimulant medication having an opposite outcome for one percent of the people who used it. Which, in Nicko’s group, had been him. “I’m special?” he asked, aroused by all this attention he was getting.

“Very much so,” Carl grinned, rubbing Nicko’s cheek with an outstretched finger. “The one percent packs on fat faster than anyone else. In less than a year, he can go from a chiselled athlete to a full grown superchub!”

“That can’t be true,” Nicko replied. “They’d never allow something like that.”

“And yet…” Carl laughed, grabbing the roll of fat hanging over Nicko’s belt: his point made. “You really have no concept of how much money there is to be made in football, do you? How vital things like this are for the economy? Fatties like you are just… collateral damage… a necessary evil on the way to creating superstars like me.”

“How do I stop this?” Niko asked, watching the athlete getting up and unbuckling his pants.

“Sucking on this should help,” Carl lied, pulling his monstrously large erection out and slapping it into the palm of his hand. It was even bigger than Nicko had ever imagined, gazing at pictures and videos of the guy’s bulge over the years

Overcome with lust, Nicko slipped his mouth over as much of it as he could, just as he was directed. Everything that had happened since entering this room had been like a dream. Whatever weird things were happening in his life right now, here he was, pleasuring a football champion!

“Oh, yeah! That’s good!” Carl moaned. “Yes! Work that tongue, One Percent! Take as much of me in as you can!”

In those moments, Nicko did not care what was happening to him. He was the luckiest guy in the world, feeling ecstatic as he brought the enormous man to a full climax, simply by using his mouth.

Clearly impressed, a sweaty Carl buckled his belt back up and sat himself down again. “Keep that up and you’ll go far with me,” he sighed in appreciation.

As Carl fixed his clothing, Nicko tried to do the same, beginning to refasten his shirt buttons. However, Carl was still having none of it; placing his large hand very decidedly over Nicko’s and saying ‘no’ in a very strict manner; as if training a puppy.

“Have you ever thought about moving to the city?” Carl asked next.

Nicko shook his head. “I couldn’t afford it. Plus, I don’t know anyone here.”

“Good. That means you wouldn’t go wandering,” Carl shot back bluntly. “I can get you somewhere by next weekend. You can live there, and then you’re close by for me to pop in whenever I want. I keep a few guys that way.”

“Why would you do that for me?” Nicko asked, confused by what he felt were a rush of mixed messages.

“At a game, the front row seats are always the best,” Carl simply replied, leaning across once more and flicking the fat roll that fell over Nicko’s belt. “And this is a show I have no intention of missing…”

It was a couple of months later. Nicko stood at the large picture window of his apartment, still unable to comprehend the amazing view he had over the cityscape. Fully furnished and decorated by professional interior designers, Nicko was living a life he could have only ever imagined in his very wildest of dreams. He was even paid a salary each month and had new bank accounts set up entirely by Carl’s people. And all it took was the signing of several non-disclosure agreements from the athlete’s numerous lawyers.

“It’s time to put that pizza down, Fat Boy!” Carl called out, striding in unannounced, as usual.

Nicko chuckled. He hadn’t been eating any pizza, although you would never have guessed that from looking at him. Upon Carl’s insistence, he wore only his underwear around the apartment, catching glimpses of his increasingly lardy reflection in the many, many mirrors that Carl had insisted was part of the interior design.

“Jeez! Look at you!” Carl laughed, undressing himself at the door, as he always did, and watching as his secret project came waddling into view. He pulled his erection out and stipped even his boxers, standing there as the perfect masculine specimen. “Your tits just won’t quit growing, will they?” he laughed. “And look at this fat butt!” he marvelled, dropping Nicko’s underwear and slapping the oversized glutes which had been filling up at a faster rate since Carl had been sending over take-out most nights. Nicko could tell from the way that Carl was handling them, exactly how the big man wanted to fuck him that evening.

The big mirror in the hallway was always Carl’s favourite spot. He could bend Nicko over the sturdy little desk and watch their reflections as he powerfully bombarded his boy’s chubby’s rear with blow after blow.

“You played well last night,” Nicko offered afterwards as a naked Carl lounged on his sofa for a rest afterwards..

“Yeah, yeah,” Carl sighed, rolling his eyes. He had people blowing smoke up his ass all day long. This wasn’t what he kept Nicko for.

“I felt so proud, I decided to finish all those doughnuts you sent me,” he explained, hoping to please his lover.

“Good,” Carl nodded. “It’s about time you stopped resisting the ways I’m trying to help you fatten faster.” He beckoned Nicko closer, just as the chubby boy had hoped. “So, tell me, how did it make you feel, eating all that for me?”

Still fully loaded and, as yet, unsatisfied, Nicko gasped in excitement as he felt Carl’s hand moving onto his thigh, ready to pleasure him if only he said the right things. “It felt incredible,” he replied, exaggerating. “It made me want to eat even more food and please you so much more,” he continued, feeling his erection having a gentle stroke; so subtle and yet so precise.

“Go on,” Carl demanded, not letting Nicko stop. “Tell me more.”

Nicko gasped, always climaxing pathetically quickly whenever Carl was the one touching him. “It made me so excited to get heavier for you…” he offered.

“Oh, no. That’s not the right word now, is it?” Carl sighed with disappointment. “You’re not just getting heavier, are you? Tell me what’s really happening, One Percent.”

Nicko gave another gasp of arousal, his jaw slackening as the pleasure built. “I’m getting fatter for you,” he replied diligently.

“What else?” Carl demanded again, having found a small crack in Nicko’s defences and prizing it open in any way that he could.

“I’m getting lazier. I don’t exercise. And I eat like a pig,” Nicko whispered, just as he had been trained.

“You are a pig,” Carl shot back at him, spiking Nicko’s arousal even more. The shock he felt over the word was now gone, given how many times Carl had whispered it into his ear whenever he came. Now the word had become a key for unlocking Nicko’s arousal. 

Nicko nodded, gazing submissively into the big man’s eyes. His breathing was heavy and his entire body twitched as the orgasm built.

“Piggy, Piggy, Piggy!” Carl sang teasingly, forcing Nicko’s hardess to erupt explosively yet again.

“My goodness! What on earth have you been eating?” asked Nicko’s mother a few weeks later as he called home for a quick visit.

Nicko could feel his face flushing. “It’s nothing,” he mumbled, trying to conceal his stout gut that had quickly formed and dominated his torso. It was all his family wanted to talk about, demanding explanations from Nicko about exactly what he was doing to gain so much weight so quickly. Didn’t he have any regard for his health? His appearance? His ability to find someone nice to settle down with? Just what was this city life doing to him? 

“She’s only thinking of you, Son,” Nicko’s dad offered later that afternoon, as the pair retreated into the TV room to watch the football. 

“I know, I know,” Nicko huffed, trying to concentrate on the game to see how Carl was playing. Then he winced as Carl went in for a big tackle, destroying the opposition.

“Ouch!” Nicko’s dad hooted. “He’s a nasty piece of work, that Carl Williams! Look at him getting up like nothing’s happened. That poor guy will be out for weeks after that tackle.”

“So?,” Nicko replied defensively. “It wasn’t an illegal tackle. He’s not broken any rules.”

“No, just another guy’s shoulder by the looks of things. Third one this season by my count.”

They both watched the screen as Carl strutted about on the pitch, waiting for the medical team to finish up so that play could resume. Nicko knew the football player well enough to know when he was trying to suppress a proud smile.

“A man that big has no place on the football field,” Nicko’s dad continued. “Look at him! His arms are bigger than my thighs! The game has gone ridiculous!”

But Nicko definitely was watching, feeling blood pumping into his groin. He rubbed his fat tummy, just as Carl would have, suddenly knowing that he wanted to gorge himself stupid on fast food on the way home.

“I weighed myself this morning,” Nicko explained, lying on his front, naked on the bed after a particularly boisterous session with Carl. “Three hundred and forty one pounds,” he smiled, rolling a little and grabbing a wedge of belly fat.

“You have to start eating more then, won’t you?” Carl replied, unimpressed. “You’re only just a little heavier than me.”

Nicko laughed. Whilst the fact was true, his and Carl’s bodies were complete polar opposites in terms of composition.

“I mean it,” Carl stated seriously. “Three fifty by next weekend. Make it happen.”

“Am I the fattest of the guys you keep?” Nicko asked, knowing how Carl supported lots of secret lovers all over the city.

“Not even close!” Carl laughed.

“Do you think I could be, one day?”

Carl looked at him seriously, studying his face in a way that he did not usually. Then his answer, when it came, was actually a lot more considered than anything else that usually came out his mouth. “Why? Do you want to be?”

The feeling of having Carl’s attention was a drug that Nicko could never wean himself off. “For you,” he smiled, “I’d do anything.”

With Nicko’s new enthusiasm and commitment, he felt himself rising up the ranks in Carl’s mind. The athlete came over a lot more and took a very active interest in ensuring that Nicko continued to grow as he’d promised he would. One such perk was having free seats to any of Carl’s games; often getting himself on camera as he gorged on corn dogs in the stands.  

“Steve?” Nicko asked as he recognised the man standing by the rest rooms after the game. “How’re you doing, buddy? I can’t believe I’m bumping into you!”

The young man Nicko had met and made friends with in the training camp failed to recognise him until Nicko introduced himself once more. His jaw dropped and he spluttered and mumbled his way through the conversation, clearly not quite believing that they had once been roommates a little over one year ago.

“How did the training camp work out for you in the end?” Nicko asked. “I didn’t even get to say goodbye to anyone.”

“Yeah, we got used to that,” Steve nodded. “We’d see guys at breakfast and then… gone. Kicked out. I got down to the final thirty or so. But it got so toxic in the end,” he grumbled, reeling off the names of the guys both he and Nicko had despised: the ones who were now making names for themselves in the professional game. “In the end, I was quite happy to leave.”

Nicko looked down to Steve’s body, noticing a stout little stomach under his pumped pecs. 

Steve noticed him looking and he sucked in hids stomach slightly, clearly feeling a little awkward. “I’ve been trying to keep up the training,” he rambled on, clearly used to making excuses for his appearance. “It’s just hard to balance now I’m working full time as well.”

“It’s much easier when you give into it,” Nicko smiled knowingly. 

“Yeah, well…” Steve smiled awkwardly. “I’m not quite ready for that.”

Nicko wondered whether he should tell his old friend that the weight gain wasn’t going to stop; that just like him, Steve was heading on a path to enormous obesity as a result of their time in the training camp. However, he resisted, giving his old friend the goodbye hug he had never been allowed at the camp, and watching the guy’s meaty, round glutes and stubborn love handles as he walked back to his girlfriend who was now out of the restrooms. If only she knew the body her boyfriend would soon inhabit: another victim of his own lust for sporting success.

It was only now that Nicko realised just how involved Carl had been from the beginning, having invested millions in the training camp they had attended, and reaping fifty times as much in return. It was what he loved most in the entire world; never missing a single event day they held, and personally seeing to it that more and more naive college boys were signed up each year.

“You’re such a good pig these days,” Carl grinned, watching Nicko nibbling on the specially made giant doughnuts that fitted perfectly around Carl’s thick erection. “Just seeing you without your clothes on now… you’re so disgustingly obese, and yet… look at you eat!”

Nicko nibbled and licked the remaining bits up quickly and sat up so that Carl could touch and jiggle his enormous body, laughing as the waves of pure fat travelled in such interesting ways through his entire body. 

“How about we get you somewhere nicer to live than this dump?” he asked, scorning as he looked around the plush, luxury apartment. “Somewhere a lot more superchub friendly.”

Nicko nodded, happy to live wherever Carl thought was best. As he had grown, the wage that was deposited into his account each month had been increasing more and more. Carl had always been great at incentives. In a couple more months, he would even be able to buy his own place, should he so wish.

“I’m looking for somewhere very exclusive for my original piggy to live in,” Carl explained, bouncing up and pushing Nicko onto his back on the bed. “I’d like it to be somewhere for you both to live together,” he smiled, picking up another cream filled doughnut and pushing it into Nicko’s submissive mouth.

Chewing quickly and swallowing as much as he could, Nicko nodded with interest. “This is the guy you first went on the training course with? Your fattest boy so far?”

“You wait until you see him!” Carl grinned excitedly. “Mountains and mountains of pure blubber!” he chuckled, stuffing yet another doughnut into Nicko’s mouth and watching as the greedy boy swallowed it down for him “But he’s not always obedient, like you. He still tries to push against my rules on occasion,” he sneered in irritation. “The pig’s almost one hundred pounds heavier than you are,” Carl explained, having never actually given Nicko any insight into the differences between him and the other fatties he kept. “Yet, he still thinks he can defy me at times.”

Nicko looked up at the gorgeous, hulking monster above him. “Don’t worry. I’ll sort him out for you,” he stated with certainty.

Carl threw his head back and laughed. “My disgusting fatty is setting himself a mission, is he?” he mocked. “Well, you do that then, One Percent,” he nodded approvingly. “Turn him into a good piggy, just like you.”

Nicko smiled, delighted to be trusted with such a task. He rolled over, feeling Carl’s large hand smacking an entire palmful of lubricant into his crack. Then he pulled his heavy, fat-filled glutes wide apart to demonstrate that he was ready to be fucked again. Nicko didn’t know exactly when he had stopped caring about anything else in his life; devoting himself entirely to Carl’s wants and needs. He knew that the guy was wicked and manipulative; throwing his money around and flaunting his good looks to get whatever he wanted. He knew as well that the guy could get bored of him and drop him in a flash. But whilst he was here, basking in the limelight, he would enjoy every second of it. 

He would be the very best piggy.  

[mimikyuno]

this is suddenly getting notes again and im?? im screaming bc i just spent the past 5 hours holed up in my room recording an unscripted rant about the new madoka magica pv and mentioned utena a lot and while i did that. somehow this was slightly blowing up a little? insane… the power of yuri

this one goes out to the meduca and utena gays <3 xoxo

[drizzledrawings]

UR GAY!!! lets fucking go lesbians

In 2020, I had a seizure, (this relates to me figuring out I’m a lesbian)

I was stranded at my parents house after having to drop out from university and forfeit my scholarship, then Covid lockdown happened and I couldn’t see anyone, therefore having to rely on my family for support (oh god) and doing a lot of self reflection

In the beginning of my self actualization, I had a nightmare. I was at a hospital getting numerous tests done, I was in pain and it was awful, yet somehow that wasn’t the horrendous part. The awful part was after it was all done I walked into the waiting room, and my “HUSBAND” was waiting for me

I immediately woke up and started questioning everything

[captainnightflare]

People Watching Part 2, Hermione x Y/n FF

Hello everyone! This is the final part to the two part fanfic I’ve written. I do warn everyone that this time around I wrote a whole lot more 🥲 about 8,000 words but I finally finished this fanfic.

I really hope you guys enjoy, if you liked this story I might write more! Please let me know :3

Without further ado let’s wrap this up!

The whole campus was lively for the next few days leading up to the weekend. People mentioning the games and entertainment that other students had planned to bring to the campus grounds. Said students had begun to build and assemble their stands at the end of classes everyday, people from different houses working together on a single project. The whole campus was anticipating the day to come.

The next few days were a daze of well.. emotions for Hermione. She kept thinking about Y/n. Of course as her best friend she saw a lot throughout the day but y/h/c girl kept popping up in her head at random times. Don’t get Hermione wrong she loved sending with Y/n but she never wanted– no craved being close to her. It’s been confusing to say the least for the girl.

She had never really considered their friendship as well more than a friendship. After all, she’s dated Victor and Ron respectively. Never had Y/n’s face popped into her mind as a potential date…before now that is.

Groaning, the witch buried her face into her hands before plopping on her bed. What the hell was going on with her?

“Mione? What’s wrong?”

Looking up, Hermione saw the slightly concerned face of Ginny.

“Ginny..”

“What is it Granger?”

“...How do you know when you’re in love with a person?”

Stunned silence greeted the girl’s dorm, Ginny herself had seen and heard of Hermione’s boyfriends over the years. Her brother included (eww), but never had she heard Hermione mention the word 'love’ about any of them. Honestly the only relationship where the curly haired witch had mentioned love was with her friendship with Y/n…

Realization quickly dawned on the red headed witch, as she looked at her hopeless friend and she tried to keep a steady and calm voice. “Hmm, I’m not sure. I can’t say that I’ve got experience in that department. Why? Has someone finally caught your heart?” She teased as the excitement began to build behind her words. This was it. She had to play her cards right and she’d have Hermione Granger finally realize she was hopelessly in love with Y/n Y/l/n.

The unexpected turn of questions got said witch to blush and bury her heated face back into her hands with a frustrated groan. “God, I don’t know! I’ve only had two boyfriends over the years and I’ve never experienced this sort of thing with them. It’s so confusing.”

“Is that such a bad thing though?”

Hermione peaked through her fingers to see Ginny sitting across her from her bed. “I mean just think about it, feelings you’ve never felt before, thoughts you’ve never thought before. Can that be so bad?”

“I-I don’t know… I don’t understand why all of sudden it’s started. I was fine around her but now she’s in my head, I want to see her all the time and I just–ugh!” The brown haired girl ranted before falling face first into her pillow much to the amusement of her friend. “I just feel so needy.”

“You make it sound like a bad thing.” Ginny teased.

“It isn’t! B-but I’m not used to feeling this.” Hermione whispered, not wanting to admit she was–

“You’re afraid aren’t you?” Ginny interrupted her thoughts. What a mind reader she was too. “What are you so afraid of?”

“Everything I suppose..” The nervousness was evident in the girl’s voice. “I’ve done relationships but they’ve never gone to this extent. I’m just unsure on what to do next. They don’t really write books on this subject.”

“Well, they do but they are highly unrealistic.”

“I’ve noticed.”

Ginny couldn’t help but laugh at that, “Don’t tell me you actually went to find a book about love when you first discovered this revelation?”

Oh that growing blush on the other girl’s face was all that needed to be said. “Hermione–”

“Listen I know those aren’t the best to turn to for advice but I was freaking out!”

Cackling the red head threw herself into a hug with her hopeless friend. Yup, she had a plan for these two and to get her the winning in that bet the girls in the Houses set. Two birds, one stone.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Meanwhile Y/n was running around the school trying to prepare the students and helpers for this weekend. She was so excited, she was practically buzzing. She couldn’t wait for her best friend to see her perform. Lately the flutter in her chest grew frequent, she couldn’t tell if it was from the excitement of seeing Hermione in the crowd of her performance or the nerves of Hermione seeing her perform. She hasn’t been able to tell.

Due to the craziness of the week leading up the two witches haven’t been able to meet like normal. Instead they’ve only been able to talk during class or dinner if the other decided to join the other at their house table. The curly haired ryffindor began to miss her energetic Ravenclaw.

It was Friday afternoon when Hermione finally saw Y/n in the yard.

“Y/n!” The girl called out.

The y/h/c girl turned her head towards the witches voice drawn to her like a siren. “Granger!” Laughing Y/n jogged over towards the curry haired witch and crushed her into a hug, discreetly smelling the perfume she’s come to love on said girl. “Well, this was a nice surprise.”

Giggling, Hermione pushed back a bit from the hug to look at the girl. “You’re telling me. Honestly not seeing you this week has been strange.”

“Oh? Are you missing my charm that much Mione?” Y/n’s smug reply came.

“And suddenly I’m not missing you so much. Goodbye Y/n, see you this weekend. Break a leg.” Swiftly turning out of Y/n’s embrace Hermione made it a few feet before the girl wrapped her arms around her middle and pulled her back, which in turn made the already burning blush on the brown haired witch’s face turn a deeper red.

“Wait, wait! I was kidding! Please, Granger, I really did miss you..” The panicked reply flew out of the y/e/c girl’s mouth before her mind even had time to process. That in turn also caused a raging sea of red to make its course from her neck to her cheeks.

Honestly if anyone were walking by these two they’d see the matching set of blushes these two were sporting, like an embarrassed teenage couple acknowledging their feelings.. (Oh wait–)

“Did you now?” Hermione’s reply came, she snaked her fingers through Y/n’s that were now resting against her stomach.

“I did, is that so hard to believe?”

“Hmm, I suppose not. After all, we've been at each other’s side for a long time. I think this is the longest we’ve gone without seeing or hanging out with one another besides summer break.” The soft reply caught Y/n off guard as she pulled the witch closer to her. Burying her nose into her hair. The sweet hibiscus smell always calmed the girl down, feeling some pent up tension release from her shoulders.

“Y/n?” Hermione interrupted.

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know, I just.. Sometimes I notice you’ll carry a lot of tension on you when you’re nervous. You tend to relax when you get some physical touch.”

“You know I would normally find that sort of creepy that you pay that close attention to me but I’m more flattered than anything.”

“Hey! It’s not my fault you make it so obvious. Literally after finals you’d crush me in a bear hug or you’d use Crookshanks as those plushies you have scattered all over your dorm.”

“Oi! You leave my Spider-man cuddleez out of this!” The arms she had wrapped around the witch squeezed before letting her go and fully letting the girl around to see her.

“It’s not a bad thing, I just worry for you.” Hermione confessed, taking the girl’s hand into her own again.

Sighing Y/n squeezed the girl’s hand once before leading them to the fountain, sitting down together. “I guess I have been nervous.. I knew we’d have a good crowd of people watching us but it has just dawned on me now that we’ll be performing last. Basically the main event Mione! I thought a few people would show and we’d just play and get to continue on with the day but Dumboledore heard us perform and wanted us to wrap up the whole festival.” Rambled the young witch before leaning her head into her awaiting hands.

“I just.. I’ve never done this before. This whole time I thought we’d just perform for a small crowd and have the rest of the night to unwind. B-But now I’m basically anticipating our time to get on stage and close everything up for everyone. I just don’t want to fall short of everyone's expectations for a closing act.”

Not meeting up to certain expectations has always been one of Y/n’s insecurities. There’s a reason she and Hermione had been able to get along so fast in the beginning of their friendship, Y/n had buried herself in her work much like the curly haired witch. But to a point of exhaustion. Had it not been for Hermione and her own friend’s interfering she would have been burned out much worse than she already was.

She had learned from that mistake obviously. Setting certain times and limits of when she would study and take breaks. Making time for hangouts with friends and time for herself. There’s times though where she’ll fall back on those old habits, it happens mainly when she’s extremely driven or passionate about the subject. Those are also the more sensitive moments where Hermione has to be careful with Y/n.

They’ve fought in the past when those moments came up and Hermione being worried about her friend encouraged her to slow down and rest. In turn it’s made Y/n snap at her a few times, Hermione usually keeping her composure through it. Then eventually breaking through the thick girl’s skull that she needed to rest, that wasn’t ever for debate no matter the importance of her subject. To which the next day after properly resting Y/n would bring her a chocolate and freshly picked flowers as an apology for snapping at the poor girl. Which Hermione would always forgive her for when she came back looking like a kicked puppy.

Her famous glare also worked damn well into scaring the girl too but that was more was she was starting to piss her off.

Carefully, Hermione laid her hand against the girl’s back. “Y/n, you have no reason to be nervous. You��re gonna be amazing.”

“Granger–”

“And before you say I’m biased, yes I might be but you have not given me a reason to not be biased. You’re incredible. I didn’t even know you could sing up until a week ago, quite well I might add, and that you can play the fucking drums! Y/n, you’ve always been a remarkable person, don’t let other expectations define who you are. Besides, ” Hermione moved both her hand’s to cradle Y/n face, bringing her y/e/c eyes to meet her own brown eyes. “you’ve far surpassed my expectations.”

Stunned the young witch could only stare slack jawed at her crush. Her mind, empty of any thought but Hermione. Her brilliant brown eyes shining in the rare sunlight they get in Hogwarts, the curls that have been tamed over the years of care flowing in waves behind her creating a curtain of beauty, then her smile. That smile that’s made her unsteady since the day they’ve met. Everything about Hermione Granger was sublime, no other person in this world could ever hope to compare to this woman.

Letting out a ragged breath Y/n leaned her face into the hand that was holding her, letting herself drown in those eyes. “I don’t deserve you Granger.” She whispered, almost afraid that the girl before her would confirm her statement.

“You deserve so much more darling.”

Smiling Y/n brought her hands to hold Hermione’s. Taking in all the love, letting herself be fully submerged by the girl’s very being. “Mione, I–”

“Hey Y/n!”

The voice popped the girls out of their bubble, turning only to see a group of people watching them. Among them was Luna whose voice broke the spell they seemed to have found themselves in earlier, “We need to finish setting up lover girl! Get your ass over here!”

Growling the y/e/c girl gave Luna the finger before letting go of her friend’s hands. “Looks like I’m needed..”

Chuckling, Hermione tugged on Y/n’s collar. “You are, I’ll see you tomorrow?” She said with a teasing smile.

Gulping down her nervousness Y/n could only nod before leaning her forehead against Hermione’s with her own teasing smirk. “I’ll find you tomorrow Granger, we’ll hang out before my impending doom arrives.”

“I highly doubt this will be your demise Y/n.”

“You never know love.” There was that confidence surfacing back.

Blushing slightly the curly haired witch shoved her friend towards the direction of the group. “Go, you goof.”

That smirk only grew as Y/n winked at her before fully turning and running off to her group.

‘I don’t think I could have fallen for any other person.’ Hermione thought as she felt her face heat up from the word. Love. Oh my god, she was falling in love.

Ginny’s never going to let her hear the end of this.

Saturday came faster than Y/n would have liked but not fast enough for Hermione.

Both girls were anxious to see one another, hoping to spend a few hours together before the Y/n had to go up and perform.

By mid afternoon the festival was in full swing, the student body had done a great job with the last minute announcement of the event. Within the week they had built a majority of the entertainment presented to the rest of school from game stalls to the performance stage. A few tents were set up to win cheap prizes, using a variety of spells to complete the objective. They even had time to make an escape room. It was definitely a smart choice to reinforce the walls with a few modifiers.

Students were already running around the grounds laughing and chatting about the event. The darkening sky created the perfect scene for Hogwarts.

Y/n herself was sitting near the entrance of the festival. She carried her drumsticks with her as she leaned against a tree trunk keeping her eyes out for Hermione. She was still nervous about the end of the night but she did want to have fun and she was not about to let her nervousness ruin this night. Deciding to dress a bit nicer for the event (and totally not for Hermione) Y/n went out of her way to buy herself a pair of khaki pants. Pairing it with a tucked in black t-shirt and blue flannel.

Honestly, it felt like she was waiting on a date to pick her up. Fidgeting with her sticks, mindlessly making a beat against the tree. ‘I really hope I don’t make an absolute fool of myself in front of her. Or anyone tonight.’ She internally groaned. The talk the two had the other day helped calm her nerves but she had a few anxious thoughts running through her head.

She feels herself coming back down from those thoughts when she spots her Granger. And woah, she was certainly dressed differently from what she usually wore on the daily biases.

Y/n couldn’t tear her gaze from Hermione, the girl was truly stunning the closer she got. Wearing a pair of black skinny jeans that fit her just right, a white turtleneck tucked into the jeans with a black belt securing it. But what truly had the girl’s mind stumbling was the red leather jacket Hermione was rocking that came to stop just above her waist. The girl’s whole outfit was more form fitting than what Y/n was used to, so it was very understandable her brain was short circuiting.

‘How is someone so beautiful existing in my very presence?’ Only a fool would dare stare away from beauty so blinding. The girl would gladly let her eyes burn if it meant this would be the last image she’d ever get to see.

“Y/n?”

Snapping herself out of her thoughts, Y/n let out a shaky sigh. “Mione.. Wow y-you look incredible. Truly beautiful..” Her gaze scanning the curly haired witch’s appearance once again.

Blushing, Hermione did a quick once over at her friend. She had definitely changed up her usual style up a bit for tonight, more form fitting compared to her blue jeans and pull over polos. “So, are you ready to show me a good time before your big show?” Teased the genius witch.

Grinning, the Ravenclaw extended her hand out to the girl, who gladly took it as they made their way through the grounds. The festival was bursting with life, multi-color lights brightening in the place of the setting sun, and the soft buzz of the noise traveling in the air setting a calm but lively tone for the evening.

The girls made the most of the time that they had by playing a few small games where Y/n oh so tried to win Hermione a few prizes but ultimately ended up in her nearly spending all her money if not for said witch stepping in and telling her that she did not in fact need a 3 ft long plushie. After that, the girls took turns choosing what snacks to try. Savory treats for the curly haired witch while the y/h/c witch preferred sweet/salty.

The duo were enjoying their time together, laughing and joking, pulling one another to the next stand. It was a breath of fresh air for them both, a new type of experience that they could share.

After a few hours of enjoyment the two witches decided to take a break and finally rest their feet. Finding a secluded bench near the outskirts of the festival both girls sat next to one another taking in the scene before them. The sun had fully set by then, the sky filled itself with the scattering light of the stars. All the stands having small lights to illuminate the path to them. A few students even casted lumos to light their way.

“Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen the grounds so illuminated like this.” Hermione complimented, her eyes scanning the soft glow.

Y/n could only stare in awe as the soft lights casted themselves towards them, specifically the young genius witch. ‘I can’t turn away.. I don’t think I want to, even if I could.’ The y/e/c girl thought as she traced the lights up her crush’s features.

A sudden noise of squeaking mics tore the girls away from their individual focuses. Turning towards the noise they saw a decent size built stage where there were students from all houses setting it up. Some grabbing the instruments that were to be used, others organizing props for acts, others speaking and testing mics for vocals.

That surge of anxiety was making its way through Y/n’s system as she saw the drums being set in place, a mic right next to the seat. She took a deep breath before her leg began to jump impatiently in place. Closing her eyes, trying to will herself to let go of this irrational fear. “It’s no big deal, just play like you always do..” She muttered softly to herself.

Turning towards the muttering girl, Hermione saw the extent of her nerves. She didn’t know what possessed her to what she did next but she didn’t question it. She grabbed the Ravenclaw’s arm and pushed herself up against the girl. “Y/n?” A soft whisper made its way out her mouth, the breath of it tickling the girl’s cheek forcing her eyes open and turning towards the direction of the breathing.

There, only an inch away from her face was Hermione. A small blush gracing her face as a smile tugged at her gloss covered lips, her brown eyes staring directly at Y/n’s. Her hand sneaking its way up to the drummer’s blue flannel collar and tugging her down to her level, their breaths mixing with one another.

The young witch wasn’t sure if she was dreaming again, but if she was she didn’t want to wake up. Her face scorched red and her heart skipped when she saw her friend glancing down at her lips momentarily before she looked back into her eyes and whispered, “You’re going to be amazing. Don’t worry about anything, just focus on me while you’re up there.”

“Y-you?” Y/n stuttered out a whisper of her own. Scared that if she spoke at a high volume she’d break the spell they were under.

“Yes me, if you start to get nervous at all just find me. You’ve always had a knack for finding me wherever I was in a sea of people. So find me, focus on me–” ‘love me’ “and I’ll ground you, okay?” Hermione asked.

Gulping the drummer nodded slowly before bumping her head with the prodigy’s, “I-I..” Gulping and steeling the new nerves racing through her, Y/n wrapped her hands over Hermione’s. “.. Just focus on you. Got it.” She whispered.

Their breaths began to sync, the cold air allowing the air between them to be visible. Swirling into a small cloud of rising heat between them. Eyes that were so intensely staring into one another began close, leaning their bodies ever so closely to steal back the air that was so desperately being stolen from their lungs.

“Y/N! HERMIONE! WHERE ARE YOU TWO?”

And with that the two jolted away from each other at the sound of Ginny screaming their names. Fierce blushes gracing their faces.

“Where in bloody hell are those two? It’s freezing out here!” Luna complained as she had wrapped her arms around herself as emphasis.

“I don’t think those two will have any trouble warming themselves up.” Lavender teased, causing the other girls to giggle at the remark.

Y/n face burned at the implication, Hermione on the other hand was fuming. ‘Those little– we were just having a moment too.. Damn them!’ The girl thought as she groaned.

“I see them! Y/n! Hermione! We finally found you two love birds!” Ginny exclaimed.

“Stuff it Weasley!” Y/n shouted over her shoulder. Pushing herself up to stand, she offered her hand to Mione who gladly took the kind gesture and stood by Y/n’s side as their friends approached them.

Giggling, the group of girls closed the small distance between them and their pair of friends (moms). The group began talking about the many things the other students have come up with for games and things to do.

After their small talk was over the whole group decided to try the other side of the grounds that Y/n and Hermione had not gotten to before taking their small break. Luna dragged Hermione to the puzzle solving games, Lavender and Ginny immediately bolting it towards the snack bar. Meanwhile Y/n just took in the moment, smiling at the scene before her. More so taking in the sight of her Hermione Granger.

If someone had told her when she first laid her eyes on the curly haired witch that they’d be entangled in each other’s lives, she would have laughed in their face. It was unfathomable in her mind, how could someone as sweet, radiant, down right other worldly ever be interested in Y/n L/n? Sometimes it’s better not to question the good in your life though. Just enjoy it.

And enjoying it she was until a voice piped up, “You know, if you keep staring she’s going to pick up on it. Though I doubt that she’ll pick up on that love stricken on your face, honestly the girl’s so book smart but not very emotional inclined.”

Startled out her trance, Y/n turned her head in the direction of the voice. There stood Harry with a smug smile, “God Harry, what is it with you and Ginny scaring the absolute crap out of people when they’re having a moment?” Y/n jokingly poked.

“It’s a couple thing, or so I’ve been told.”

“A match truly made in heaven.” Y/n sarcastically replied, giving her friend a light punch in the shoulder for the earlier fright.

Laughing at the situation Y/n just smiled back at Hermione. Watching as she and Luna were in the middle of what looked to be quite an elaborate puzzle. Glancing at Harry, Y/n saw a lovestruck look that she was all too familiar with seeing on herself directed at Ginny. “Harry?” The y/h/c broke the silence.

The boy hummed in response. Another moment passed. Both lost in the sight of the girls in front of them, the girls that somehow captured their hearts.

Another beat passed before the witch spoke, “When did you realize it was worth it?”

Harry, to his credit, did take a moment to process her question. In reality he was trying to figure out what she meant. “When was the risk worth it?” He asked back.

Y/n nodded. She really didn’t have to elaborate further than that. Harry, and so many others in their friend group knew Y/n’s feelings towards Hermione. Yes, they teased them from time to time but the group knew that the pair was willing to do so much for each other. No mountain too high, ocean too deep, or deal too great for either girl. Harry distinctly remembered Y/n telling Mione that she’d face a thousand Boggarts to protect her. At the time Hermione had told Y/n she’s no damsel, of course the young witch knew more than anyone how effectively the brunette could protect herself. But what Harry remembers is the look in Y/n’s y/e/c eyes.

That look carried purpose, blinding and unwavering loyalty towards the witch that sat across from her. Ginny would tease the y/h/c haired girl about her open and unapologetic proclamations towards the curly haired witch. Telling her she sounded like a Greek tragedy waiting to unfold. And it almost did. The group doesn’t bring up the event anymore because it upsets Hermione too much to think about.

Right at the start of their sixth year everyone was just getting off the train, looking for one another in the crowd. Catching up from their summer break. They were about to head towards the school’s entrance when they saw Hermione waiting at the train’s doors. Awaiting Y/n, but she never got off. This was the last train bringing the students for the year and they hadn’t seen Y/n get off this train nor did they see her anywhere in school once they convinced Hermione that maybe she got on an earlier train.

But Hermione knew that wasn’t true, the whole reason they took this train was because Y/n would always sleep in as much as possible before coming back to school. So taking the late train ensured that they’d meet with her before starting the new year. For the first week, the group did not see the young witch at the school. They tried asking her housemates if they knew where she was but none knew her whereabouts.

Hermione, to her credit, appeared calm. Telling the others that knowing Y/n she probably took a vacation with her family. Wanting to skip the first week because in her words, “They always go over the basics in the first week Mione. They don’t even assign us homework, I don’t see the point in attending the first week if it’s just going to be the basics all over again.”

That was until midway through the week that the students were taking their first trip near the border of the Forbidden Forest. Harry and Hermione among them, when the sight of a glowing blue light caught their attention. Upon closer inspection they saw it. An Abraxan Winged Horse patronus flying through the tree line, the way it danced in the air had Hermione flashing back to the nights Y/n would cast her patronus in their nightly practices.

Once Harry had realized whose patronus it was Hermione was already sprinting towards the forest. The rest of their group gave chase. Seeming to know it was seen, the patronus gave them quite the journey back through the forest, leading the group to an unexpected sight. Before them lay a heavily wounded Y/n with a heavily injured dark wizard laid a few meters in front of her. The brunette witch had nearly screamed when Y/n collapsed after catching sight of them.

Rushing towards her the curly haired genius took hold of her friend, the tears streaming down her face as she whispered who knows what to the Ravenclaw. A few students rushed back to the school to explain the situation and get a teacher’s help. The next few hours were a blur, but they eventually got a story once Y/n woke up.

Hermione had been right when Y/n explained about ditching the first few days but not for the reason she might have thought. The Ravenclaw had traveled to the muggle world, to find Hermione a gift, a book to be exact. A very rare and old astronomy book, one that had not made its way to the wizarding world yet. On her way to school after the start of the second day Y/n knew she’d get an earful from her friends, more so her crush so she got her some of her favorite muggle snacks along with bringing the other’s some snacks as well.

But when she got off the train though and made her way through the school she saw movement in the forest. Deciding she could side track at least until lunch she went to scout it out. She expected a wild animal, maybe even a wolf or troll. Never a dark wizard. He didn’t notice her at first, it looked like he was searching around for something. The witch never got to see what he was looking for when she suddenly stepped on a branch and caught the guy’s attention. What she described next was a mix of running and fighting for two days. Luckily she was able to lead him away from the school for the first day but when their fighting really started to pick up they circled back without thinking.

The two had been fighting for hours, before the dark wizard grew tired of their spells. He was enraged, breathing ragged and eyes burning. He raised his wand, Y/n knew the spells that dark wizards used. She knew she had to act faster, and she did. Before the man could utter a word Y/n raised her wand and yelled, “Crucio!”

The dark wizard crumbled to the ground screaming in pain, to be honest Y/n was surprised no one had heard his screams from the school. She was just barely conscious when sent out one more spell, her patronus. She heard people a ways away, they were getting closer to her. Unaware if it was more dark wizards and witches or students she wasn’t going to risk the chance. She wasn’t even sure if she was going to have enough strength to protect herself, but she tried anyways. With her final strength she once again lifted her wand, “Expecto patronum..”

The rest they know.

Hermione did not leave her side for the first month of the year, cleaning her injuries when needed. She forbade Y/n from even attempting to replace her own wrapping.

Something had changed that day for both girls, Harry saw it, their friends did too. They were close before the events unfolded but that day was a demonstration of stubborn strength and fleeting life. The look they shared when brown and y/e/c eyes meet. If the stars danced in the night sky, and the sun burned this ever growing warmth, their love binded. There wasn’t any darkness or light those two were willing to go through in this life without the other present. Where Y/n lacked courage Hermione provided in strides, and where Hermione lost herself in knowledge Y/n would bring her back down to earth.

That’s where it brought them, the present before them. Luna and Hermione had finally solved the puzzle to the impressive joy of the students running the stand. Ginny and Lavender were carrying bags of snacks to share amongst the group, giggling at the other pair of girls surrounded by the ever growing crowd.

Harry took a moment to ponder, he was once in the same boat with Ginny. He was scared of course, he thinks any teenager would be. Accepting those feelings had been the hardest part for him, confessing came easy. It seems as though Y/n had the opposite problem though. She knew about her feelings for the Gryffindor from the start, telling her would be a hard pill to swallow.

“Y/n, any risk involving her will always be worth it.”

The Ravenclaw stayed silent, her lavender haze zeroing in on the witch she knew could rule the world with nothing but her mind and smile. She knew she’d have to do it. Smiling, she turned to Harry. “Thank you Harry.”

The boy smiled back at her, “Of course mate.”

After the group had finally made their ways through the rest of the grounds they had managed to kill sometime. The performances had started half-way through their stroll. Y/n, whatever nerves had gotten to her before had dissipated long after her talk with Hermione and Harry. She could do this.

The closer her time got the closer the group drew themselves towards the stage. They didn’t want her to run on stage when her turn approached, which she greatly appreciated.

Before long the second to last performance was wrapping up. Y/n and her group had gone backstage to prepare for their set. Hermione, Harry, Ginny, and Lavender were left standing in the front row. The curly haired witch was fidgeting in place, a gentle hand came to rest on her shoulder that got her to stop for a moment. “Mione? Are you doing alright? Do you need to step away for a moment? I know you aren’t used to such a crowd.” Ginny asked her.

“No, it’s quite alright really. I’m just nervous I suppose.”

“Nervous?” Laughing Ginny playfully poked the girl. “Never would I see the day that you’d openly admit that.” A soft glare was aimed at the redhead. “Oh stop with that look, you’ll wrinkle.”

“I will not–”

“Now,” Interrupting the girl, Ginny wrapped her arm around her neck, pulling her into a side hug. “Why in the world are you so nervous?”

Sighing, Hermione rubbed her thumb and pointer finger against her temple hoping to alleviate a headache that would surely come. “I just.. Listen, Y/n has been stressing about her performance. She was freaking out earlier about wrapping this whole event up with a bang. I’m just nervous for her I think.”

Smiling in sympathy Ginny pulled the girl closer, “I know what you mean. Luna has told us she’d been spacing out and fidgeting around when the topic was brought up. But oddly enough she commented that she didn’t seem as nervous today. She actually looked grounded and calm.”

Blushing, Hermione had remembered her earlier words to the witch. “Yes me, if you start to get nervous at all just find me. You’ve always had a knack for finding me wherever I was in a sea of people. So find me, focus on me–” ‘love me’ “and I’ll ground you, okay?” God, if she told Ginny she’d never let her hear the end of it.

“What’s with that look, Granger?”

“I have not the slightest clue what you mean Weasley.” She felt her face running hotter.

“Oh my goodness.. I knew you two were having a moment when we interrupted you both!” The redhead nearly screamed, making the brunette blush even further. Confirming more of the Weasley's suspicions. “Hermione! Oh please you have to spill what you both were talking about. I have a lot at stake here!”

“Ginny! Goodness, would you keep it down? I don’t have to tell you anything.” Retorted Hermione, she was trying to back out of this conversation but Ginny was not about to let her get off that easy.

“Hmph. Fine if that’s how you want to play it, then I’ll have no choice but to speculate and talk about this with Lavender and Luna. Luna I’m sure has commented on seeing you two share a moment in the yard a week or so ago.” Teased Ginny as she let go of Hermione and turned her body towards Lavender.

Before she could call out to her though, Hermione quickly covered her mouth with her hand and pulled her back towards her. “Shhh! Ginny! Fine, I’ll tell you but you can’t utter a word to those two. Promise me.”

Smiling under the witch's hand, Ginny took it and intertwined their pinkies together. “I swear Hermione.”

Gulping Hermione pulled Ginny closer, clearly embarrassed that she was admitting this outloud for her friend to hear. “I-I told Y/n to look for me. When she got nervous or scared to look for me in the crowd. To focus on me and that I’d ground her.” By the time the witch was done speaking her face had turned this beautiful shade of red, she was going to regret telling Ginny.

And she’d be right from the loud squeal that emitted from the girl’s mouth which she quickly covered. Again. “Ginny!” There were suddenly a few pairs of eyes on them including a confused Harry’s and curious Lavender's. “W-We were talking about some bands that were coming to England this year. That we have to go see them.” Hermione explained.

That seemed to have satisfied the people around them enough as everyone went back to their own conversations. “Ginny..” She hissed out but was quickly disregarded as the other witch pulled her closer with a knowing smirk on her face.

“Hermione Granger.. You dog!” She teased.

“Weasley.” Warned the girl.

“Yes, yes I’ll keep my promise. I can’t say that Luna might not be grilling your girl too though and did not make that promise to keep quiet.”

“She’s not–”

“Yet. She’s not your girl yet.” A wink was thrown her way.

“I regret telling you.”

Before the two could continue further the announcer on stage came forward and spoke. “Well, well that was certainly an amazing show. Now ladies and gentleman, we are closing the night with a final performance. If everyone could please welcome them on stage, they will be doing a cover of People Watching. Give them a warm welcome please!” The crowd had applauded as the lights cut, a soft glow instead coming from the stage.

‘Why are they using Lumos?’ Hermione wondered.

“Well hello everybody.” The warm voice of Y/n greeted the crowd, causing a roar of cheers to erupt. The curly haired Gryffindor could hear the smile in her voice.

“Before we got started I did want to thank everyone who helped and participated in the making of this event. I know it’s been a rough year so we really are grateful for the people that helped student de-stress from the year.”

This pulled a few cheers and hollers from the crowd, causing a small laugh to escape the y/h/c girl. Though the laugh sounded more of one full of nerves than actually enjoyment. “Now, before we get started I did want to dedicate this final song.. to someone very special.” A few gasps and wolf whistles explode from the already semi rowdy teens. And although the lighting made Y/n’s face hard to see Hermione could see the glowing blush on her face causing the genius’s heart to skip a few beats.

“I uh..” The mic echoed for the drummer, seeming to have almost lost her nerve. “I-I’ve never been great with words or brave for that matter. But the person I’m dedicating this song to embodies those very wonderful traits.” Taking a deep breath the girl motioned to her bandmates to cancel out lumos, which once they did the stage turned black. “I don’t think I’d ever be able to hold a candle to that, but tonight I’m going to try. Hermione Granger, this one's for you.”

The crowd erupted with cheers but Hermione paid them no mind as the main lights on the stage finally came on and she finally saw her Ravenclaw’s face. Y/n, although having a nervous smile, had her eyes searching the crowd before ultimately landing on Hermione. She winked at the curly haired witch before mouthing to her, “I’d sing a thousand times to see you smile.” Had Hermione been paying attention to her surroundings in her flustered state she would have seen the smug look on Ginny’s face, catching the small exchange.

Soon the sound of a bass began to play from Luna and piano from Cho. Y/n’s voice finally starting the song,

“That wasn’t funny, but she laughed so hard, she almost cried

They’re countin’ months they’ve been together, almost forty-nine

She’s makin’ fun of how she acted ‘round the holidays

She wears a ring, but they tell people that they’re not engaged

They met in class for metaphysical philosophy

She tells her friends, “I like her ‘cause she’s so much smarter than me”

They’re having talks about their future until 4AM

And I’m happy for them ”

Hermione’s mind began to flash of memories with the y/e/c eyed girl. How the two would always celebrate their friend-niversary by taking a picnic towards the outskirts of the school. Or how Y/n would constantly tease her when it came to picking out gifts for the holidays.

“But I wanna feel all that love and emotion

Be that attached to the person I’m holdin’

Someday I’ll be fallin’ without caution

But for now I’m only people watchin’ ”

The steady beat of the drum began, Y/n getting into more of a rhythm. Feeling her heartbeat match the drum’s.

“I’m only looking just to live through you vicariously

I’ve never really been in love, not seriously

I had a dream about a house behind a picket fence

Next one I choose to trust, I hope I use some common sense”

Although Y/n has always been so deeply in love with Hermione Granger she did try to date. Never getting the same feeling she would get when she’d let herself think of drowning in those brown eyes.

“But I cut people out like tags on my clothing

I end up all alone, but I still keep hoping”

And although she envied the boys that got the chance to take Hermione out on dates she never lost hope in trying to win her heart.

“I wanna feel all that love and emotion

Be that attached to the person I’m holdin’

Someday I’ll be fallin’ without caution

But for now I’m only people watchin’ “

The silence that followed after the lyric lasted for no more than a second, but it felt stretched for both witches as they took the small opening to truly look at each other. Like they had held their breath in for the entire set and this was their only moment to breathe each other in.

“Cut people out like tags on my clothing

I end up all alone, but I still keep hoping

I won’t be scared to someone know me

Life feels so monotone, but I still keep hoping”

Smiling, face flustered and skin shining from sweat Y/n kept her eyes locked on Hermione as she stood. Grabbing the mic she brought it closer to her as she belted out the next lyric,

“I feel love emotion”

Slamming her drumsticks back down before continuing with her set.

“I wanna feel all that love and emotion

Be that attached to the person I’m holdin’

Someday I’ll be fallin’ without caution

But for now I’m only people watchin’ “

With that final lyric the bandmates took in the silence that hung in the air before being bombarded with cheers from the crowd. Everyone was either yelling or whistling from their excitement, causing Y/n to experience a fraction of relief. She let her eyes wander the huge audience of people that had gathered for the final performance.

Ginny was at this point losing her shit, cheering for an encore like many others. The memory of the best slipping her mind as she basically got front row seats of ship sailing. Luna and Cho smiled down at their friends and began to set their instruments down and made their way towards the front stage to bow and wave back at everyone.

Y/n pulled her eyes from the erupting crowd and locked eyes with her favorite shade of brown once again.

Hermione had not moved from her position, too starstruck from the performance. Her mouth was slightly ajar, her eyes fully focused on y/e/c eyes. The curly haired witch felt her face cooling down from the fall air, but the cold air did nothing to cool the heat surrounding her beating heart.

“Mione, if you keep that mouth of yours open you'll catch flies. Come on now, don’t want to keep her waiting now.” Ginny teased as she pushed the still very shocked Gryffiandor towards the front of the stage where Y/n had made her way towards once she saw the brunette moving.

The two never once breaking eye contact, in just a few strides Y/n was basically standing over Hermione. Their only barrier between them being the four feet of height that the stage provided.

Nervously rubbing her neck Y/n spoke first, “Granger.”

“Y-Y/n.. I-I don’t know what to say. That was wow.”

Giggling, the y/h/c haired girl crouched down and winked, “It was definitely easier to sing up here with you grounding me the whole time Mione.”

“I-I.. loved it. Truly, you were something else to watch perform up there.” Hermione complimented, causing the drummer to blush a deep scarlet red.

“A-ahh you’re just being nice Mione. Honestly anyone can do it..” She timidly stated.

“I don’t think anyone can serenade a girl like you Y/n.” With that Hermione grabbed the girl by the collar of her flannel causing a loud squeak escape said girl as she pulled their faces closer. “You really do know how to spoil me.”

Their close proximity didn’t help the blush on Y/n’s face; she felt as though her face was steaming from heat, “A-ah M-Mione!” Squeaked the poor girl.

“I feel it too, you know.” Whispered the brunette witch.

“Wh-wha–?”

“That love emotion.”

Gulping, Y/n couldn’t help her eyes as they flickered between those gorgeous brown eyes and pink lips that always seemed to have her in trance. “Y-you do?”

Smiling, the Gryffindor inched her face closer, almost brushing her lips against the Ravenclaw’s as she heard the other girl’s breath hitch. “Very much. It always happens when I catch the eyes of this girl, a sparkling y/e/c that no jem in the world could ever replicate. She’s got this smile too, makes you want to do anything in the world to keep on her. And gosh this devotion she has in those beautiful eyes, only a fool would be so dense not to notice it was aimed at them.” Curling her fingers through y/h/c hair Hermione tilted her head to meet her lover’s gaze. “You’ve made a fool of me Y/n, an utter love struck fool.”

“Hermione.. I’ve loved you for so long. And I’ll promise to keep loving you until the magic that brought us together dies, but you’ve had me enchanted without the help of any spell since the day our eyes met Hermione.”

With that Hermione pulled Y/n down into the most passionate kiss of their lives. Fireworks exploded all over their bodies, their brains occupied with nothing but each other.

Caught up in their moment they failed to notice the deafening crowd of cheers and yells. Lavender had taken out her phone to record the couple’s encounter. Ginny screamed at the top of her lungs as she hugged Harry as he too grinned. Luna and Cho clapping and wolf whistling at their friends

When they finally calmed their spontaneous kiss the pair took in the feeling of warm lips and soft skin. Their erratic heartbeats pulsing when they finally pulled away and stared into each other’s eyes with adoring looks.

“I love you Hermione Granger.” The drummer whispered with a smile.

Giggling, the curly haired witch whispered back; “And I love you Y/n Y/l.”

[communistkenobi]

went on a terf blocking spree and they were sharing this tweet around

and like obviously this is factually wrong - “homosexual rights” happens primarily through de-pathologising homosexuality, quite literally an effort to redefine sexuality and sexual activity, which was commonly followed by a legal redefinition of marriage in many states as not only being between a man and a woman, and parenthood as not being strictly done by a mother & father - that’s redefining gender categories! Gender doesn’t exist as a repressive force independent of political & legal institutions. Universal paternity leave is a redefinition of gendered reproductive labour through employment and labour policy, it is a structural economic benefit that incentivises fathers to participate in child rearing. This is a (limited, partial) redefinition of what it “means” to be a man, just as gay marriage is a redefinition of what it means to be a husband or wife, just as allowing gays to adopt is a redefinition of motherhood and fatherhood. 

And this denial of being in an “ideological cult” is also intentionally downplaying the massive homophobic outcry that gays were/are in fact trying to destroy the meaning of family and marriage - that gay marriage would let you marry your dog, that gay parents are all pedophiles, that even expanding the definition of the nuclear family to include cis gays would threaten to destroy all categories of familial and civic life. Denying that gay rights are not viewed as an “ideological cult” of their own is laughably homophobic.

Taking this argument to its natural conclusion - that cis gays just want to be “left alone,” they aren’t here to “redefine” anything unlike the transsexuals - means a comprehensive denial of the law as an institution that produces patriarchal and gendered violence, that societal conceptions of gender (and the oppression produced by those conceptions) are unaffected by legal redefinitions of family and marriage. An absurd claim! This argument denies patriarchy as a social force, assigning it instead to this mystical abstract force that exists “out there” in nature, unable to be punctured or altered by any social response. Like tbh if you believe that why even fight for gay marriage at all? Just accept your lot in life as broken men and women with a mental disorder that makes you incapable of raising a family.

But of course they don’t actually really believe this, they know what side their bread is buttered on. Cis gays got themselves removed from the ICD and DSM, got gay marriage legalised in a bunch of countries (the tweet’s exclusive use of past tense when talking about gay rights implies the fight for gay equality is finished, an obviously self-centred western & homophobic argument) and said fuck you got mine! The king granted us entrance into his castle unlike you freaks, all we ever wanted was a seat at his table. Liberation is not the goal, cis gays just want to be permitted equal access to the power of cisheterosexual society. This tweet is arguing that gender is not a relevant mechanism in the oppression of homosexuals, that their oppression is altogether something else, unrelated to ideas of what it means to be a woman or man, because they want access to the violence those categories produce. Destroying these categories makes this goal unattainable for them, and so now cis gays are continuing to pivot to reactionary opposition to trans rights. But don’t take my word for it - I’m just repeating what this guy’s saying!

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - I'm Muddled, there is SO MUCH on, but also I have FEELS

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

July 2024 Week 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 11 of 12 - Yak is such a demanding babygirl princess type. It’s kinda hilarious in a fierce boxer dude. I do adore the core brother friendship in this show. It’s so sweet. Also I guess Yak is out OUT now, on TV and everything. 

YES PLEASE GMMTV!!! This ship! Sail it!!!!

The Rebound (Weds Gaga) eps 4-6 of 12? - So it started out as a relatively simple sports romance: first love, separation, reunion. But then just went entirely off the rails: gay mafia orgies, kidnapping, druggie ex teammates with knives, I am Spartacus. All erratic Thai pulp mumbo-jumbo aside? MeenPing are doing great in these roles. Zen's hurt confusion, Ryu’s struggle with internalized homophobia that keeps hurting Zen as much as him. 

Am I wrong to ship FrankPing Just a little bit? I only wanna see them kiss. It’s not asking too much, is it? 

Not sure what’s going on with Gaga and their "ep 6 of 6" thing. Or why they bundle-aired them. Did they just get the rights for the first half? Where is the rest?  

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 5 of 12 - I always end my Saturday with these 2 simply because I love this pair. I also enjoy the show. It’s sweet and I giggle a lot. I like that they’re dressing (and letting) Lin be a bit femmey - with his pussycat bows, coco bag, and little heels. I’m not sure about the pet names but I’ll accept them if I must.

My Stand-In (iQIYI) ep 12 fin - I would like to watch an entire show about the older brother boss and his hot secretary. Bit of a bully romance? Please & thank you?

This was a good solid ending, less predictable than I expected, which I appreciat. I liked that they had a full conversation about forgiveness. But overall, I am left in a muddle.

The show itself? A summation? Oof, here we go...

Adaptation of Chinese novel "Professional Body Double" by Shui Qiang Cheng. Stars Up (Lovely Writer) and Poom (Bake Me Please) directed by the same team as KinnPorsche. Stuntman Joe dies on the job and wakes up in the body of another Joe with an entirely different life. But Joe just starts repeating the mistakes of his previous self - love, work, play. I enjoyed the experience of watching this show, I looked forward to it every week. I thought everybody did a great job with it and in it, and I liked that is was something substantially *different* for Thai BL. But I’m not sure I'll rewatch it or if it's bingeable. It left me feeling more sanguine than happy. Is there, objectively, anything wrong with it? No. But am I in love with it? No. I think that rests on the central characters, Ming in particular. I never liked him or warmed to them as a couple. I spent most of this show just very very sorry for poor Joe. Thus I was never rooting for their romance. I would recommend it, if you enjoy your BL more cerebral, with complicated unlikable love interests, and a downtrodden sympathetic lead. Is it, perhaps, more JBL that ThBL? Am I biased because it's a Thai production and I had expectations? What magical carnage could Japan have done with this IP? I'm left with questions, but I'm ultimately glad I watched this.

All this means that this show should, by all my own standards, get at 9/ 10. But I'm giving it an 8/10. So there.

We Are Cute (Weds iQIYI) ep 15 of 16 - It really is the antidote to Friend Zone. Like GMMTV just set out to make a nice little show about nice boys being very nice and kissing each other nicely. And it makes me very happy.

Century of Love (Weds Gaga) eps 1-2 of 10 - DaouOffroad are back, this time as fated mates in a quasi historical paranormal moment. Very much Director Who Buys Me Dinner meets First Love Again, hopefully better than both. I love this pair and think they can handle the premise, it's whether the storytelling is up to the challenge.

So far? I like it a lot. I love it when Thailand gets all up in its own historical business and reincarnation and bullshit like that. I’ve always liked this pair too (it’s not their fault I didn’t enjoy most of their first series.) Daou’s wushu is pretty snazzy. We got a fun meet cute. (Erm... Remeet cute? Meet cute 2.0?) And this is a very PRETTY show. With more comedy than I was expecting.

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Fri iQIYI) ep 2 of 8 - I like the friendships, but so far I’m not sold on the personalities of the main couple. Of course I love the pair, and I know they can handle it, but I hope the story justifies their chemistry.

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 6 of 12 - They are so damn teen dramatic and over-the-top. To have really played into the impact of the counselor character's original casting, they should’ve had Krist play the role! (GET IT?) That’d be ridiculously ironic. Not that I object to GMMTVs #1 Daddy Papang. Never that. 

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 2 of 12 - Ah ha, I figured it out. This reminds me of The Devil Wears Prada. I’m finding most of the rest of the interns too caricature and thus annoying. But I’m still liking this more than I expected. 

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 5 of 10 - The bullying GL subplot is just bad. And I’m getting an overall squick from the fact that the two rich privileged characters are essentially taking advantage of the two lower class poor characters. Trash watch here.

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) ep 8 of 12 - I’m coming around to Almond + Latte, but I’m not super sold on any of the other plot lines.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 3 of 10 - It’s still good and it’s still sticking relatively closely to the mango. So I’m still enjoying it.

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 2 of 10 - I just don’t really like the dynamic of the younger, poor, country kid desperately chasing the older hot boy. It’s a bit too desperate or something. It’d be different if Takara were a nicer person, but he doesn’t have much going for him but a pretty face.

It's airing but...

Meet You at the Blossom

In case you missed it

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ???) 10 eps - It's ended. Should I watch it? right now 1 vote for and 1 vote against.

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. Devastated this hasn't had international distribution. I demand you tell me the moment you find it!

The Last Time (Thai Fri YT) - Got bumped to Aug 2. Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

July Releases to Come

7/24 I Saw You in My Dream (Thai Weds WeTV) - Dee Hup is behind this one so I have high hopes. Younger boy chronically teased his whole life by the older boy next door suddenly starts having horrific prophetic dreams about his bully and must save hime.

7/26 4 Minutes (Thai Netflix or iQIYI?) - Great is a university student from Faculty of Business and the son of a wealthy business owner. Out of the blue, he gains the supernatural power to see four minutes into the future.

7/29 Battle of the Writers (Thai ????) - trailer here, TutorYim return and while I adore them, I really hope this is better than Middleman's Love. Won't be hard. However: that premise! Ugh. Something something authors fighting - save me. Why don't writers understand that nothing is more boring than writers?

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Such a Best Boy, not leaving his drink behind!

YES please.

Follow me here... these 2 in the Thai BL version of Tein Bromance X, which is to say: Mean assassin meets and falls HARD for snarky school teacher, they adopt a kid together. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO WATCH IT.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[ludwigplayingthetrombone]

Had to split the last chapter into 2 separate ones bc i got a bit overzealous with this one... so here’s chapter 3! may be a longer bit before 4′s ready, but  Enjoy! [tw: blood, mentions of suicidal thoughts/ death/ survivors guilt]

Ch1 Ch2

Tsunade: Enter. Kks: Mornin’. Tsunade: Kakashi. I got your message. So, Gai made it out of the coma, huh. I’ll go see how his condition is when I’m done here. Kks: I’m sure he’ll love that, but that’s not why I’m here. Tsunade: Are you looking for work? I can assign you-. Kks: More of a discussion. About the hokage thing.

Tsunade: Are you finallt giving me an answer? Kks: Yup. I’m saying no. I’m not interested. However, if there is truly no one else, I have a compromise if you’re interested.

Tsunade:It’d better be a good deal, brat. The council won’t be happy with this. You were about to accept months ago. Why say no now? Kks: Alot’s changed since then.

Gai: Papa

[gai sighs] [window sliding]

Kks: Yo. Gai: Rival!! Happy to see you! Kks: I see you’ve had visitors

Gai: Yes! I am so lucky and moved! Especially from our students! Kks: How are you feeling? Gai: Sore. Stiff. But much better than this morning. [kks hums] Kks: Sorry I took so long. Got caught up. Gai: Nonsense! I was honored to wake up to see both of your beautiful eyes first thing. You look so youthful! You left in such a hurry, you left your shoes. Kks: Yeah, had a soggy walk to my apartment. Can’t return those slippers now. Gai: How are /you/ feeling?

Gai: You seemed so overwhelmed and I couldn’t move. I feel like i’ve missed so much. Kks: I’m ok now. Just needed some air. Plus, sorted some things I’d been neglecting. I knew you’d be flooded with visitors. So, I stayed out of the way. Gai: Pretty cool response per usual. Kks: I think you’re pretty cool

Kks: How long are you stuck here? Did they say? Gai: A few weeks. Most of it depends on the physical therapy progress. My chakra network is fried. It’ll be slow to heal if at all. They’ve never treated my condition before, so the doctors are not sure what’ll happen

Kks: Did Tenten tell you about her plans? Kankuro even offered his experience building a prosthetic. Gai: Yes. She was very excited. Kks: /You/ don’t seem as enthused. What’s bugging you? you’re usually delighted by your team’s passion or whatever. Gai: I am truly touched because I know she’ll give it her all, but...

Gai: It won’t make a difference. Kks: What did the doctor say? Gai: Even if I can stand or walk, I’ll have lasting damage and pain. I’ll need a wheelchair the rest of my life. My time as an active duty shinobi is done.

Kks: You’ll get through this. Gai: What am I going to do, ‘Kashi? Kks: You’re stubborn enough. I’m sure you’ll find a way to prove them wrong. Like walking on your hands or something. You’ll be a menace in a wheelchair in no- Gai: I do not want you or my students burdened by my injury

Kks: That’s what you’re worried about? You think mourning you would have been any easier on anyone? You’re more to them than just a teacher. If you could have Dai back right now, wouldn’t you want that? Gai: Of course I would. Kks: Then see it from their perspectives. Don’t just lie down and accept this is how your life ends. That’s not how Dai raised you.

Kks: This is terrifying to deal with, Gai, It’s ok to feel overwhelmed. But please don’t give up. I won’t let you. Gai: I was prepared to die Kks: ...I’ve understood wanting to be dead for a long time. I get it. Gai: I do not regretn my decision at all. Regardless, I’ve hurt you the most. I know you’re angry.

Kks: I won’t lie to you. I am angry. Extremely. But I’ve wasted so much time pushing you away already. I don’t want to waste anymore time we have left. The only consistent thing in my life has always been you. I’ve said horrible things to you, and you never abandoned me. I think all the time about how I would have turned out if you didn’t keep me human. Self sacrifice seems to be something we have in common. Neither of us were meant to be without the other apparently... We’ve both been brought back from death. So maybe it’s...

Baby gai: You’re my eternal rival... My man of- Kks: Destiny

Kks: Strongesttaijutsu master who ever lived. My eternal rival. My man of destiny. I’m so happy you’re alive

[gai crying]

[Gai sobbing/crying]

[xzaddyzanakinx]

Not That Kind of Guy

Part Fourteen: Stalker!Anakin Skywalker × femme reader series

Warnings: stalking, weirdo behavior, psychotic/delusional behavior, possessive/protective, sexism/misogyny, sexual content/fantasizing, pervy behavior, panty/scent kink, mask kink(Ghostface), gaslighting/manipulation, public/semi-public, spitting, cumplay, nude vids/pics, masturbation, oral, PIV, dick piercing, forced orgasm, bondage/blindfolds, biting/slapping/spanking/cutting, rape kink, NONCON/DUBCON/CNC, Somno, blood, knife, gun play, GEN. SMUT [all possible tags, not necessarily all apply]

Info: Ghost is whiny, He’s feeling petty, he told you so!![diary entries from Ani] extremely not proofread. Stalker!Anakin Character art (as Ghost) MDNI 18+

Diary Entry: September 2nd

I lied. I said I wasn’t mad at you, but I am.

It’s not like I tell you no to anything, so why wouldn’t you just ask me first? Are you just desperate for a moment away from me and too nice to tell me that? Running from your problems won’t help especially when your problem is me.

I did what I should’ve done a long time ago. A new software has been installed on your phone, very similar to the screen cloning software linked to my laptop. Only this one is active all the time, a constant feed of live audio that I’ve taken the liberty of flagging a few words within the code.

Anakin, hate, love, Ghost, annoying, angry… so on and so forth.

The software flagged several sections of audio within the timeframe of your drive to the cabin. I must say, I’m surprised about the things the two of you talk about, I’m never going to be able to look Han in the eye ever again.

I also lied to you about something else. I don’t work tonight, or tomorrow. I switched up my schedule with April for you, cause I have a little something planned for you. A little thing I’ve had tucked away, actually never intended on getting it out and doing anything with it really. It was a gift from Cliegg after there was a murder on the college campus last year.

Don’t worry, it wasn’t me that time.

Anyway, I think it might be fun. For me at least.

“Okay but I don’t get it.” Luke said, propping up his feet on the dash while you drove.

“What about it don’t you get?” You snorted, slowing to a stop at a traffic light. “I think it’s pretty self explanatory Luke.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t come equipped with a cooter and I’ve never, nor wanted, the opportunity to see one.” He crossed his arms and tilted his head back and rolled his shoulders. “I just don’t see the benefit.”

“First of all, it’s pretty.” Holding a finger up and adding a second, “second, it feels heavenly.”

“I am a gay man.” Luke scoffed, “Dicks aren’t very pretty. A little jewelry can’t fix that.”

“How does it even work? Does he have to take it out to piss? That’s inconvenient.”

“No!” You laughed, covering your mouth as you turned the dial to quiet the radio. “No, he doesn’t have to take it out. To answer your other question, it’s the metal balls on either end of the jewelry. That’s the point of the piercing you know? It rubs up-“

“Okay that’s enough, thoughts have been thunk.” He covered his ears and did a dramatic shiver of disgust.

“You asked!”

“I didn’t know you’d be so descriptive!”

“You described in great detail all about the massive ingrown hair on-“

“Oh my god! I told you never to mention that again!” Luke reached across the console and whacked you up the back of the head.

“I’m driving!” You squealed, your hand shooting out to the side and shoving his shoulder. “No, don’t you dare touch that radio! For fucks sake if that’s-“

“It’s ABBA.”

“Go to hell.”

————————————————————————

After two hours you reached the small lakeside cabin that was to be your home for the weekend. A cute little place with a loft and two small bedrooms. The kitchen was… lackluster; a fridge and a stove with a whopping number of three cabinets. The living room however did have a pool table, which in Luke’s eyes made up for the fact that your sister beat him to claiming the loft room, because she’d driven separately and arrived before you.

You chose the room to the left of the living room and Luke chose the one on the right. The view from your window was beautiful deep forest green, leaves and moss and huge tree trunks. While Luke’s was the deep blueish green lake water, the occasional white wake following a boat zipping past.

After tossing your bag onto the floor in the general direction of the nightstand you jumped onto the squishy and super cheap springy mattress on the tacky ‘rustic’ log bed. Pulling up Anakin’s contact you tapped the call button and listen to it ring on speakerphone.

“Hey pretty baby.” Anakin’s rich timbre flooded the line.

“Hi Ani.” You smiled despite him not being able to see you. “Just got into the cabin and picked my room.”

“Oh you got to pick?” He said curiously, “you got the loft didn’t you?” You could hear his grin.

“No, my sister did.” You scoffed, “I thought Luke would have a cow over it but he decided the pool table here would offset his disappointment.”

“Pool table hmm?” Anakin tsk’d.

“Hot tub too.” You grinned.

“A fuckin’-“ he groaned and let out a loud huff, “a hot tub?”

“Yes sir.”

“Hmph.” He snorted, “someone finally taught you some manners huh?”

“W-what?” You asked nervously, bringing the phone closer to you and hopping off the bed to shut the door. “Manners?”

“You just called me Sir didn’t you?” He laughed. “Been taking some etiquette classes?”

“Oh shut up.” You breathed out a sigh, a breath you’d almost choked on. Your guilty conscience was really beginning to steam roll your daily life, even on your mini-vacay you can’t escape your wrongdoings. Ghost was still haunting you all the way out here.

“Just teasing doll.” He snickered, “Anyway, what’s on your agenda?”

“Nothing for tonight, probably gonna sit on the dock and have some drinks, do a little bonfire, hot tub maybe.” You told him, beginning to relax again.

“Drinks? Be careful baby. It’s not exactly safe to drink and get into a hot tub.” He chided, “I’m serious.”

“I know.” You sighed, rolling your eyes.

“Good girl.” He said, pleased enough with your response. “So what room did you say?”

“Oh! I didn’t actually oops. I got the one looking out into the woods, it’s real pretty, I’ll send you a picture after we hang up.” You said, shifting your weight to sit more comfortably.

“Aw thanks babydoll.” You could hear his little smile through his words. “Well, I should probably let you get back to it huh?” He sighed.

“If you wanna talk more-“

“I always wanna talk more but I don’t want to keep you from your fun.” He said a bit quieter. “Uh, just don’t forget to call and leave me a message before bed okay baby? I’d love to hear your pretty voice when I get off work tonight.”

“Okay Ani,” nodding even though he couldn’t see you. “I’ll talk to you soon then… I miss you.”

“I love you too.” He made a kissy noise and hung up quickly, leaving you with a frustrated, pinched brow that you reached up to sooth with the heel of your palm.

After snapping a quick picture of your view through the bedroom window, you rejoined your trio in the living room where Luke was teaching your sister to play pool. You stood and watched for a moment, seeing them bicker like they were just reminded you of how much you loved summer trips with them.

Growing up with a sister close in age to you was fun, except for when it wasn’t. She went to school before you did, made friends before you did. Of course you were only two grades behind, but there is a big difference between kindergarten and 2nd grade. She had always been happy to play with you until then.

So when she was meant to be paying attention to you, or at least making sure you were alive, while you were both outside… she was busy on the swing set in your backyard. Which is how you found yourself with scraped knees and (surely, most definitely) a broken ankle from your scooter.

A new family had moved in across the street from you not too long before the summer started, you hadn’t met them, didn’t even know they had kids, until you were being pecked on the shoulder by another child’s finger. After that, Luke was found wherever you were; glued at the hip was an understatement, your families were convinced you were soulmates, that you’d grow up to be married.

Jokes on them.

His sister Leia was outgoing and confident in ways that Luke lacked, so during that first summer she gravitated toward your sister. The twins became a binder, something that held the four of you together. Bridging the gap perfectly between kindergarten and 2nd grade as 1st graders.

It stayed that way, for the rest of your school years and after.

Your parents got along swimmingly, the four of you floated between the two houses. Nights often ending up with a pair of kids asleep in the floor, where one of those children did not belong. A quick phone call to the house across the street to make sure your sibling was there, then all was well and your parents would scoop Luke and you up and tuck you in.

You were seven the first summer your parents had the grand idea to spend a week on the lake. It was a tearful goodbye, kids who spent every possible waking moment with each other are not easily pried apart.

Your parents drove the full two hours to a cute lake house they’d found online and within the first 30 minutes of being there your father had enough of the sniffles and whines. By dinner time Luke, Leia and their parents were sitting around fire pit with you.

Thus your annual tradition was born and kept even after the horrid aftermath of Luke’s unexpected outing. Sans parents of course. Your father supported your mother even if his views didn’t fully align with hers. He was a ‘be gay, just don’t be gay in front of me’ type of person, while your mother was more of the ‘send him to conversion camp, he’s tainting my children’ type of gal.

That didn’t really jive with the whole ‘love and positivity’ approach that the twins parents had about the situation. Which leaves you where you are now, reminiscing on those happy childhood memories before everything got complicated, before you discovered the world outside of your safety net, before the consistent visits from your uninvited house guest.

A loud clap broke you out of the fog and suddenly you were hyper aware of your sister’s nose right in front of your face.

“Lauren!” You gasped, your eyes wide before softening into a grin.

“You’ve been staring into oblivion for a solid minute,” she giggled, “I thought about sticking my finger in your mouth but I was afraid you’d bite it off.”

“My mouth?” You asked confusedly.

“Yeah you’ve been catching flies, looking like a mouth breather.”

“Eew! Don’t call me that!” You scoffed, standing up and following her over to the pool table to discuss your evening plans.

——————————————————————————

Anakin watched your little blue dot travel back and forth from the cabin to the dock, he listened the chatter between the three of you as he drove the two hours out to the pine forest your weekend getaway was taking place. The mile long gravel driveway was perfect to stash his car off to the side of, no one would be coming in or out of the drive all weekend.

He walked through the woods, backpack slung over his shoulder, his hood up and mask on. It was 9:57 and the three of you were still on the dock. He could hear you talking about getting into the hot tub through the Bluetooth earbud he had in, that new software was really paying off.

He hadn’t planned to do this next bit, but he couldn’t help himself. He purposefully got his left shoe dirty, twisting his foot side to side in order even dirt for a proper footprint. Then he left his mark on the first step up to the front porch.

*ping*

‘Having fun?’

You laughed, picking up your phone and leaning back in your chair as you crossed one leg over the other and switched the sound off. You’d only had it on for when Anakin texted, and now he was. Or you thought he was until you realized the text came from your own number.

‘No. Don’t engage. He’s not going to know where you are, how could he possibly know?’ You thought to yourself. ‘I planned this in person, I told Anakin at his place not mine. All Ghost knows is that you’ve left for the weekend.’

You swiped the message away and let out a huff, deciding to take the opportunity to walk back up to the house and call your boyfriend.

“Guys I’m going up to the cabin, gonna call Ani.” You said, standing up and taking your hard lemonade with you. “Need anything?”

“Nope, we’re about ready to head back anyway.” Lauren answered, waving you off. “We’ll be up soon.”

With that you walked away, taking the worn dirt path back up to the house and dialed Anakin’s number, waiting for the voicemail to pick up your call.

‘Hey Ani.’ You smiled, crossing one arm across your chest to rest your other elbow on while you talked. ‘I’m probably not going to bed just yet, but I am going back up to the house. I just wanted to fill you in a little bit I guess.’

Once your shoes hit the gravel you absentmindedly kicked a larger rock off to the side, swinging out your leg and shifting your position to walk backwards, looking down at your sister and Luke on the dock.

‘We’ve been just hanging out all evening, made some sandwiches and had drinks by the water.’ You pivoted again as you neared the porch and looked down to ensure your footing before taking the first step up. ‘We’re going hiking tomorrow morn-‘

You scrunched up your face and took another look before backing away from the steps completely, your eyes scanned the porch and saw the cabin door was still shut.

‘Sorry, thought I saw something…’ you muttered into the phone, spinning slowly in a full circle to take a better look at the tree line. ‘I- okay, anyway. Going hiking tomorrow… probably swim too. There’s a canoe moored down there so maybe we’ll try that out.’

Off to the left of you behind your sisters car you swore you heard gravel crunching underfoot, but when you looked toward the dock, Luke and Lauren where still sitting there. You marched over to the opposite side and saw nothing, going so far as to look under her car and yours.

‘Okay well…’ You were certain now that someone was outside and you were not alone, your phone buzzed against you ear and you pulled it away to swipe away the message, not even registering the sender before holding your phone back up to your ear.

‘Uh alright well I’ll talk to you in the morning,’ you quickly walked back over to the porch steps and side eyed the footprint as if you’d expected it to disappear by now. ‘Goodni-‘

A strange feeling passed over you, the hairs on the back of your neck stood up and a chill ran down your spine like a drip of cold water. You were almost afraid to turn around.

‘I gotta go, Miss you bunches… goodnight.’ In your panicked state you didn’t have the same thought process you normally would, you’d simply ended the call and whipped your head around, expecting to find someone, something, that might’ve caused that hair-raising fear. There was nothing.

Breathing a sigh of relief you laughed at yourself. It had probably just been a rabbit, maybe you’d startled it and it kicked up some gravel. The footprint… it could have been there when you arrived, it could’ve been made by one of your group, including you.

You checked the message you’d swiped away and your blood ran colder than ice. Your rational explanations were bulldozed in seconds.

A picture of you, standing in the drive way, taken from behind your sisters car.

The breath was stolen from your lungs. Your sight was locked into tunnel vision, all you could see was the front door as you ran to it and pushed it open. Colliding with something solid and warm as you stepped inside.

Something living and breathing that gripped your hair and cradled you to its chest, something that kicked the front door shut and pressed a cold, blunt object to the temple of your head.

Something that made you want to scream.

Diary Entry: September 2nd continued

I have time to kill and nothing to do while I wait for you. So I figured I’d write alittle bit.

I’m currently sitting under a tree, watching you and your cute little ponytail swishing around while you giggle. You’re so beautiful. Everything you do is beautiful. I’ve never seen something as exquisite as you.

Maybe that’s part of the reason I want to ruin you so bad. Leading you, my innocent doe, down the path of corruption could quite possibly be my life’s work. How would you like that sweetheart?

You wanna be my magnum opus?

Though of course we do have the one small identity issue to take care of. I need to get my shit together and figure out what the fuck I’m going to do. It’s not like I can tippity tap it into Google: ‘how to tell my girlfriend I’ve been stalking her for almost a year’.

No thank you. I don’t trust WikiHow with the fate of my love life.

Let’s be for real. I don’t even trust myself with the fate of my love life because I’ve already managed to fuck shit up. I’m continuing to fuck shit up. What I’m about to do? It’ll fuck the fuck out of the shit.

What can I say other than love makes people do crazy things?

“Ghost.” Your voice was wobbly and unsure. “Is that a-“

“Gun? Absolutely.” He grunted, pressing the barrel into your skull.

“What are you doing? They’re gonna be back soon, you can’t be here!”

“I came to chat.” He said simply, leaning his head down to put the cheek of his mask against your warm skin. “I missed you.”

“Did you miss me? Is that why you left your boyfriend back home? Wanted to let me have you all to myself for a weekend?”

“No!” You snapped at him, twisting your head away from his.

“Heard you on the phone.” He cooed, “still can’t say the L word? Why’s that?”

“If Luke sees you… my sister- they’ll call the cops, you know that.” You pushed against his chest and felt it rumble with a low laugh beneath your palms.

“Stop deflecting, answer my question.”

“I told you I wasn’t going to talk about Anakin with you!” The whisper left your lips tainted in unease.

“I’m aware. That’s why we aren’t talking about it. You’re going to tell me.” He barked, holding you close to his chest and walking backwards toward your chosen bedroom.

“N-no, I won’t. That’s not fair.”

“It’s not fair?” He scoffed. “I don’t care if you think it’s unfair.”

“How did you find me?!” You wriggled from his arms the moment he closed the bedroom door.

“I know everything about you baby.” His voice low and much too confident for you to believe anything otherwise. He looked relaxed in the way that he reached behind himself and locked the door, leaning back on it and crossing his arms, one long leather finger running parallel to the barrel of the pistol.

“I just wanted one weekend!” You shouted taking off your sneaker and throwing it at him, he gave you no reaction and it only pissed you off more. “Just one!”

“One weekend away from you! I know you can see everything on my phone, you see and hear everything I do, why do you think I wasn’t the one planning this trip? I didn’t want you showing up here!” Yelling at him in a way you never had before as you stalked toward him with your other shoe pointed at him. “I don’t want to talk about Anakin with you! I don’t want to tell you how I feel!”

“Do you want to know how I feel?” He asked calmly.

“I don’t give a shit!” You chucked the shoe at him and he batted it away easily.

“I think you do.” The gun raised up to his mask as if he were scratching his forehead with the barrel. “I think you care a lot and that’s why you won’t tell me.”

You didn’t answer, because he was right. You did care and you did care a lot. You’d been avoiding telling Anakin you loved him to spare Ghost the hurt of having to hear you say it to someone else.

“No.” You stuttered, hesitating and hating the taste of the word on your tongue.

“Don’t lie to me.” He barked, holding out the pistol and motioning for you to move. “Kneel. Now.”

“Gods, seriously? Put your arms down, you idiot.” He scoffed as he watched you lift your hands and put them behind your head like you were being arrested as you knelt down slowly.

“Well I’m sorry. I’ve never been held at gunpoint before.” You snapped, scowling up at him.

“I’m so lucky to have to honor of being your first then.” He grumbled, tucking it into the back of the waistband of his jeans while pulling the pink silk from his pocket and tossing it at you.

“What the fuck are you looking at?” His voice gruff as the toe of his shoe tapped your knee. “Put it on.”

Ghost shook his head, undoing his belt buckle, the tail end of the leather now forever imprinted with your teeth marks. You did as you were told and heard his pants unzip along with a soft grunt.

“How many fingers am I holding up?” He asked, holding his flat palm out to the side to make sure you couldn’t see, rearing back to slap you.

“How should I kn-“ *smack* “ow?! What the fuck?”

“Just making sure.” He snickered, taking off his gloves and putting them in his hoodie pocket.

“Asshole.” You mumbled.

“What was that?” He asked with a playful tone. “You want me to fuck your asshole? Is that what you said?”

“Shut up. You know that’s not what I said.” You muttered, unable to keep your lip from curving upward just a fraction of a centimeter.

“Ah well, the offer still stands.” He chuckled, tapping the side of your jaw with the cold metal barrel of his pistol.

“You’re making me nervous waving it around like that.” You huffed, jerking away from it.

“Good.” He snorted, “open your mouth.”

You did exactly that, thinking you’d feel the warm weighty head of his cock hit the tip of your tongue. Hoping for a taste of the salty precum that wept from his cockhead. You weren’t expecting something small, cold, metallic and pellet shaped.

“Don’t swallow; this is the only time you’ll ever hear me say that so you better listen.” You could hear his smarmy grin. “Roll it around, you feel that?”

“Mhm.” You nodded, feeling the smooth metal and the grooves carved into it, opening your mouth again and he plucked it off the tip of your tongue.

“Your initials, or well… what your initials should be.” He mumbled the last bit.

You hear a series of mechanical and metallic noises, followed by the unmistakable sound of a firearm cocking back.

“You did not just-“

“I did.” He snickered, holding the gun sideways and pointing it directly in the center of your forehead. The blunt edge digging into your flesh and pressing down against your skull.

“Spread your fingers.”

“Why?” You asked as you splayed your hand.

“Do you have to question everything?” You felt thick metal circle your middle and ring finger, dropping to the base of each digit, barely making any contact with your skin on its descent. It really put in perspective just how much bigger than you he was.

Even more so when you felt his warm, calloused fingertips weave their way between yours and squeeze gently. The tender gesture did nothing to quench the fear sitting heavy on your chest. A loaded gun, a loaded and ready to fire gun was about an inch from your brain.

“C’mon, you don’t want to talk? Not even like this?” Condescension dripping from his lips. “Loaded gun to your head and you still won’t talk about your feelings.” He tsk’d.

“It’s not your business.”

“See that’s where you’re wrong. We’ve already had this discussion haven’t we?” He crouched down in front of you, air rushing past from the quick motion. “It is my business. You were mine first.”

The curved edge of the barrel traveled down your forehead, across your cheek and rested heavily on your bottom lip.

“Give it a kiss for good luck little doe.” Ghost spoke low and steady, almost monotone. Considering your situation you did as you were told once again.

“Good girl.” He stood back up and pushed the waistband of his boxers down by hooking his thumb beneath the elastic. “Now get to work, bitch.”

His tone had changed again, now a sharp and hard edge that smacked you like a cold wind. Emotional whiplash was to be expected in every encounter you had with Ghost, but none so far was as bruising as this.

He’d never brought a gun to a knife fight before.

You hesitated for a moment longer than he was willing to wait, so he dropped your hand, the small bit of comfort he’d allowed you to have. Grabbing the back of your head and forcing his swollen cockhead past your lips, cool metal returning to the center of your forehead.

You gagged and spluttered around his length, the hot and leaky cockhead bruising the back of your throat. Ghost seemed to love the sound, loved feeling you cough and try to gasp for air, his hand tightened in your hair as he let out a loud and gravely moan.

“You suck cock so much better with your life on the line.” He laughed, pulling you away from him and releasing your hair. He watched you cough and wipe drool off your chin and neck with the back of your hand.

“Ready to talk?” He asked, his breathing heavy and uneven.

“Fuck you.” Spitting the words out with venom.

“Sorry sweetheart that’s not on the agenda tonight.” You felt the rush of air before his palm made contact with your cheek, your hand immediately lifting to cradle it and feel the heat radiating from the irritated flesh.

“C’mon doe, I don’t have to be mean about this.” He barked, “Just use your big girl words.”

“L-Luke’s gonna be back up here any minute.” You stuttered, lifting your head in the general vicinity of where his would be.

“You realize you’re only making this more difficult for yourself right?” He asked, not giving you the opportunity to answer when he fisted your hair and forced your lips to meet the tip of the barrel of his pistol.

*shk* *click* **click** nothing.

Before you had time to process the fact that he had just pulled the trigger of a loaded gun in your mouth, you were being choked and not given any hope for breathing. His forefinger and thumb tightly clamped over your nose and his cock lodged in your throat as he fucked your face. Instinctively you tried to draw in a breath, accidentally breathing in saliva, making you cough so hard that Ghost had no choice but to back off.

“Ghost...” You dry heaved on your hands and knees. “I’m n-not gonna tell you.”

“What’s it gonna take huh?” He asked angrily, you could hear the sound of clothes rustling just before he lifted you up and shoved you over toward the bed. “What’s it gonna take for you to admit that you love me?”

“I don’t!” You yelled, taking off the blindfold and tossing it aside.

“I didn’t say you could take that off.” He snapped at you while pulling his gloves on, snatching the ring off your middle finger and shoving it down in his pocket. He whipped his head around toward the door suddenly.

“Shit.” He shoved the gun in the back of his waist band and grabbed his bag without explanation.

“What?” You asked sitting up on the bed.

“Gotta go.” He grumbled.

He grabbed the blindfold and slipped it back over your head, grabbing your jaw and tilting your head back, his lips met yours in a soft embrace. His tongue piercing gliding across the slit between your lips before pushing past them slowly, the taste of cigarettes and gum flooded your senses. He hadn’t tasted like this last time he kissed you.

He took one of your wrists in a gentle grip and brought it to his cheek. Ghost kept a loose grip on your wrist but he allowed you to feel the smooth skin beneath his eyes, your fingertips collecting the smallest amount of moisture in the outer corner of his eye.

He was crying.

He broke the kiss, your lips begging to stay connected to his. As much as you hated to admit it to yourself that kiss felt like home. The fact that he was shedding tears was unsettling, the car crash that was this relationship had officially gone beyond whiplash and into ‘trapped inside, in need of the jaws of life’ territory.

He took the same hand and pressed it to the center of his chest and left it there to put both his gloved hands on either side of your face, pressing his lips to your forehead. Their warmth left your skin and you immediately wanted it back.

He took the blindfold back off and smoothed out your hair quickly, putting the silk in his pocket and putting up his hood. The mask back where it belonged, those black pits where his eyes should be held an emotion that was pouring from every inch of his being. You felt like he was staring through you and straight into your soul. He stood beside the window with his bag slung over his shoulder. Who knew such strong emotion could be felt… seen, without ever laying eyes on the person emitting those feelings.

“Lock your window back.” He nodded toward you and promptly climbed out just as you heard the front door opening, he was gone before you even had a chance to get a second look as he ran off.

You did as he asked and locked the window before checking your appearance in the mirror, a mess was reflected back at you. You looked as if you’d been lost at sea. Tangled hair and ashen skin covered in streaked makeup. The churning in your stomach only rocked the proverbial boat more.

After a deep breath you brushed your hair and pulled the makeup wipes from your bag to clean up with.

“Hey!” You heard a sharp knock on the bedroom door and answered it while still wiping away at your face.

“What’s up?” You asked your sister as she pushed past you.

“Just checking on you before I went to bed, Lukey and I were out there for longer than we meant to be.” She shrugged on her way to jump on the bed, “Ow! Fuck.” She winced and picked up her bare foot, rubbing the sole with her thumb as she picked up the offending item.

“Who’s ring?” She asked, holding it up for you to see.

“Oh it’s just Anakin’s!” You lied, laughing anxiously and plucked it from her fingers, encasing it in your own hand. “Probably just fell out of my bag.”

“He has such a weird taste in jewelry. What even is that?” She pointed to your closed fist, and watched as you peeled back your fingers and exposed your palm.

It wasn’t a lie, it was Anakin’s.

“A centipede.” You swallowed, staring at the hunk of metal. “It- he always wears this one. I don’t… I’m not sure how it ended up in my bag.”

Your throat felt dry, your palms started to sweat. You felt like you might be sick. Why did he have Anakin’s ring? He hardly ever takes it off.

Diary Entry: September 3rd

I should have never taken those fucking rings off. I had to lie to you. It’s stupid I know but lying about something little like that is almost worse than the big secret you know? Cause I don’t want you to think I’m untrustworthy, I am. I’m very trustworthy.

You just let me shoot what you thought was a loaded gun in your mouth. I’d say that means you trust me quite a bit. Ghost, not me I mean. You trust Ghost with your life, but you can’t trust Anakin enough to tell him you love him?

Date

September 3rd (1:45 am)

Anakin jogged to the end of the driveway and hopped into the front seat of his car, taking off his mask and gloves. With the steering wheel in both hands he leaned forward to rest his forehead on the back of his hands. Keeping his grip at the top of the wheel with one hand he leaned back again, looking up at the roof of his car, his other hand going to pinch the bridge of his nose as he squeezed his eyes shut tightly.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when his phone started ringing, he quieted himself and quickly strategized a set of half truths and full lies that he might need to use before answering the phone.

“Hey princess.” He sounded cheery as he picked up the phone, “lucky you, I was just going out to smoke.”

“Oh?” You asked, feeling relieved to hear that he sounded fine. Maybe ghost didn’t chop off his finger after all. “Sorry, I- I have a weird question.”

“I love weird questions.” He snorted, you could hear him flip open his zippo lighter and snap it shut after a long inhale.

“Are you missing any rings?” You asked, hoping he said no and that this was just a very odd coincidence.

You heard rustling on the other end of the line while Anakin frantically searched his pockets, coming up one ring short.

“Yeah I am actually, why?” He answered clearing his throat nervously.

“Which one?”

“My many legged lad.” He answered, instinctively flicking his cigarette ash with anxiety, the miniature embers floating down to his jeans. He quickly swiped them away and tried to remain focused. “I took it off to shower at your place last night.”

“I figured the cat knocked it off the sink or something.” He shrugged to himself, hoping it was enough of a lie to convince you that maybe Ghost snatched it off the sink.

“S-somehow it ended up in um, my bag I guess.” You said, turning the jewelry over in your palm, placing it on the nightstand beside the bed.

“Huh, well that’s fucking weird.” He chuckled, “I don’t know, babe. Just keep it safe for me til you get back I guess sweetheart.”

“I will, I’ve got it on the nightstand right now.” You answered, licking your bottom lip.

“Thanks babydoll, listen, I gotta go back inside.” He grumbled, sucking air through his teeth the way he always did on his last drag of his cigarette. “I love you doll. Sleep good.”

“Night Ani, text me when you’re home.”

“You got it baby." Anakin answered, his voice low and smooth.

A perfectly normal conversation. A perfectly normal explanation on his part. A completely plausible assumption that Ghost simply took it from Anakin. Though you’d never known him to be brazen enough to come around with Anakin there and awake.

A perfectly dreadful whisper floated in one ear and out the other.

—————-

Date

September 3rd (2:27 am)

Anakin walked circles around his car, desperate to find an escape, an excuse, an explanation. Something, anything to help him backtrack. He couldn’t go back to your cabin tonight. He’d made you lock the windows and he knew Luke would quadruple check that the front door was locked. He didn’t know your sister or Luke’s sleep habits so he didn’t feel comfortable picking the lock.

He would have to tough it out until tomorrow night.

You were very much in the same boat as him. Waiting anxiously to see if he would come back, to see what would happen.

You wanted to call Anakin again, just to hear his voice, to listen to the calming comfort of it. To affirm that all was well, he was safe and fine. That was the only reason. You just wanted to make sure he was safe. Anakin was perfectly capable of handling himself, but to your knowledge he didn’t own any weapons that he could defend himself with. As far as you knew, Anakin Skywalker was sweet and kind and soft. He was loving and gentle. He was the perfect man, the most wonderful thing to walk into your life.

Anakin loves you and you love him. You love him so much, so much that it hurts. You love him so much that you’ve refused to say it. To protect him, to protect yourself, to protect Ghost from the hurt of it.

That’s just it though, there is Ghost. He’s there at every corner, he’s the creak in the floor boards at night, he’s the figure you see in the corner of your eye, he’s the creepy feeling of being watched, the voice you swear you hear saying your name.

He cares for you, and he cares deeply. You know without having to hear it from him that he believes you’ve hung the sun and the moon, he knows all the stars in the galaxy twinkle just for you and he believes you should be treated as such.

For all his wrong doings he’s done something right, not the helpful little things nor the occasional softness he’s begun to show.

No it’s something else.

It’s a feeling so oddly tangible that you can feel it in your throat each time you swallow. There isn’t a name for it, no term that you’ve ever heard could properly define it. You know that much to be true.

It’s a pull, a strong and undeniable tether. Like a child and their security blanket. Visible or not, where there is one there is always the other.

You’d miss him if he were gone, much like you’d miss the comfort of a fresh from the dryer blanket. The fuzzy warmth that wraps you up so tightly, the feeling of being tucked away from the world in safety.

That heat fades quickly, just like he does. He’s present one moment and the next he’s left you alone and you have to start the cycle all over again. You stare at your reflection and watch the world tumble around you and he watches you from behind the glass until he’s ready to come out again.

You want to fold him up and lay him across the end of your bed. Within reach at all times, you don’t want the dryer door between you anymore. You don’t want the few moments of heat from the fabric.

You want consistency.

Anakin can give you consistency in a way that no one else ever has. You never have to worry about him leaving or being disloyal, you never have to voice your feelings or opinions if you don’t want to because he just knows. You never have to worry about anything. Except for Ghost.

With Ghost you know that you are without a doubt the safest person alive. You don’t have to think, you can just be and know he is there to do anything and everything for you. You never have to worry about anything. Except for Anakin.

————-

Date

September 3rd

Hiking had never been your favorite summertime activity, but you’d come to realize it wasn’t because of all the walking or the bugs, it wasn’t even because of the horrid, atrocious memory of the time you’d walked through poison ivy.

You didn’t like it because it gave you too much time to think. That was exactly the opposite of what you needed right now. Right now you needed nothing, you needed the cold emptiness that comes along with burying yourself in something that took up all your brain power until there was none left to dwell on your troubles.

By the time you’d reached your destination you were drenched with sweat in the most uncomfortable way imaginable. Your shirt stuck to you, the cups of your bra were damp and itchy, your shorts had ridden up and you weren’t entirely sure that you were wearing shoes instead of walking barefoot in a bog.

“Luke.” You grumbled, taking a long drink from your water bottle. “How long have we been out here?”

“About two hours.” He replied casually, not nearly as winded as you and your sister. “Let’s eat and we’ll head back.”

“Are we lucky enough to be on one of those trails that the start is long but the loop around is short?” Your sister asked, wiping her forehead with the inside of the collar of her shirt.

“You’re both wimps,” he scoffed and rolled his eyes, passing out sandwiches and chips. “No, the way back is the way we came.”

“You’re joking.” You complained with a scrunched up expression.

“No ma’am.” Luke responded and thumbed over his shoulder at the overlook you’d made the journey to see. Yes it was beautiful, but worth the blister forming on the back of your ankle? Definitely not.

“Unless you’d like to take a dip off the cliff edge.” He snickered, knowing damn well that you’d rather gnaw off your fingers than jump from this height. “It’d be a couple minutes swim to shore and you’d be at the cabin.”

“No way really?” You said, standing up and biting into your sandwich as you walked cautiously closer to the edge. Gazing down you saw the dock, your eyes traveling up the tiny- hardly visible- dirt path until you reached the cabin.

He was right, you tracked your hiking trail up the curve of the incline you’d suffered through, it was a massive arc. Leaving you staring at the comfort of the cabin, so close but impossibly far away. You looked for a moment more, the lake sparkling like glitter in the bright sunshine. A few boats disrupting the water as they sped past, far off the shore.

You snapped a few pictures and scrolled through them, nearly choking on your food as you spotted something you’d missed with your naked eye. Only seeing it now that you were scrutinizing the photos quality to decide which one you’d keep.

“Jesus, you alright?” Lauren asked, watching you thump the side of your fist against your chest. Breathing heavily through your nose while chewing the food to swallow it and chase it down with a gulp of water.

“M’fine.” You coughed, looking back down at your phone and then to the landscape below to see if he was still there.

You should’ve expected to find him, expected the way he made himself at home on the porch, rocking in a rocking chair. The scene was still jarring, even more so when you realized he wasn’t wearing his hoodie.

His bare arms on display, his chest and abdomen covering by a loose black tank top. You frantically tried to zoom in with your camera. But of course all you could see was a fuzzy blur of inked skin.

What luck.

He was there, in broad daylight without a staple piece of his ensemble, one he didn’t remove in front of you. Now you understood why he told you he’d be recognizable if you were to see his skin. He was covered in tattoos.

And it’s your unfortunate luck that despite being so close to him, it’d take an hour to get there. Your great luck that he’d left himself vulnerable to your gaze at a distance that would prove impossible to decipher his identity. He was doing this purposely, there was no doubt about it. Why else would he do something so risky?

Ghost was baiting you.

Like the stupid little fish you were, you nibbled on the hook until he was able to reel you in.

‘I see you’ You texted him,

‘Creep.’ He texted back, standing up from his rocking chair and walking to the front porch steps. He waved dramatically, the sun shining down on him and catching on the white plastic of his mask, making him plainly visible. You watched through the zoomed in and grainy image of your phone as he moved, hoping maybe it would clear up and you could see something identifying.

Suddenly you were reminded of something you’d learned in school, a book you’d read… maybe Nancy Drew? Signaling using a mirror or something reflective to catch a person’s attention, sometimes used as a means of communication in Morse code. Though this wasn’t nearly as sophisticated.

He had pulled out both his knives and flipped them, the sunlight refracting off the shiny silver blades erratically until it became one concentrated beam as he crossed the sharp edges over each other. Forming an X to direct to light straight at your face, promptly blinding you.

“Fuck.” You winced, stumbling backwards and causing your sister to gasp.

“Christ, what the hell are you doing?” She asked worriedly, standing up and walking toward you but not daring to move as close to the cliffs edge as you were.

“A- a bug or something.” You lied, rubbing your eyes to clear up the imprinted flash of light you saw each time you let your eyelids fall shut.

*ping*

‘See me now?’

‘Asshole.’ You mumbled under breath, looking back over the cliffs edge to see that he’d managed to get out of sight in the time it took for you to recover.

“Alright, let’s go back. I’m hot and sweaty.” Luke said, standing up and stretching. He packed away our trash and then shoved Lauren forward when she complained.

“I’ll push you off the edge if you don’t shut up and leave me be.” He snorted, dodging her water bottle that she swung by the handle at him.

“C’mon let’s go before you kill each other.” You said with a laugh, feeling better now that Ghost was -probably- gone for now.

After another hour of hiking back down the steep incline you’d just traveled up, you were grateful to collapse on the cold wood floor of the living room and bask in the cool air supplied by the window unit nearby.

——————————————————————————

Diary Entry: September 3rd

I’m so jittery waiting around for you guys to get the hell out of that stupid cabin. I have shit to do and you’re gumming up the works. I need to get your bathing suits, I scouted out around the lake last night when I couldn’t sleep. Not in my Ghost mask, I used a bandana. I think it’d be real unfortunate to get the cops called because Ghostface is roaming the pine woods.

Anyway, your bathing suits. I’m taking the ones I disapprove of. Did you know there’s a cabin full of jockey college boys right across the lake from you? You better not have planned that. They have a perfect view of the dock you’ll be swimming off of. Which means they were probably watching you last night when you were having your drinks.

I’m the only one who can watch you like that. Especially when you’re gonna be prancing around with that fucking ass of yours on display. ‘Ani, I’m just gonna wear it to tan in!’ Yeah alright. That’s the only reason doll? That’s the reason you brought a thong bikini to the lake? With a cabin full of testosterone waiting to catch a whiff of you from across the way?

I can’t believe you’re so stupid sometimes. I love you but damn do you have no self awareness? I’d let you wear it when I’m around. But I’m not. Not the way I want to be at least. I want to be there fucking you with my eyes and smacking your cute ass every chance I get. If I’m not standing there watching over you then those idiots might get the idea you’re wearing that shit for them and not me.

They don’t know you’re tanning, making that bangin’ fucking body sun kissed for my viewing pleasure when you return. They just see ass and tits and drool. I might drool yeah… but it’s only for you. I love you. I have eyes only for you and I always will.

Those dick-wads don’t know you or care about you. They lust over every bitch they see. You don’t want to make it easier for them do you? No? That’s what I thought. I know you didn’t do it purposely little doe. You can’t help it. You’re used to me being by your side and keeping you safe, used to wearing whatever you want when I’m around because you know I’ll fuck shit up if someone looks at you wrong. You’ve gotten used to it and didn’t use your little girl brain to make adjustments for the fact that Anakin wouldn’t be there for you.

Just another reason you should’ve brought me along.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Oh my fucking god it’s so fucking hot outside. What the hell is wrong with Luke? Making you walk up that MOUNTAIN. I totally would’ve followed but I’m actually busy trying not to fucking drown in my own sweat. There’s a bunch of reasons Ghost is mostly nocturnal. This is one of them.

I was being baked alive.

Anywho, I showered and now I smell like you, so I’m gonna wander about, have a wee little snack. By the way, I’m really sad you forgot the mustard.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Baby, don’t be mad I didn’t mean to almost make you trip. I just thought it would be a little funny. I was right. But I’m still kind of sorry.

I wish I could’ve seen your face.

‘Oh my god! His shoulders are out!’ Scandalous.

Risky? Yes. Worth it. Yes, can’t wait to hear you whine about it when I fuck you again.

——————-

Date

September 3rd

“Okay, let’s get ready for the lake.” Luke stood up and clapped his hands together once, a loud *pop* resounding through the living room.

“Already on it.” You huffed, throwing yourself forward into a sitting position and hopping to your feet.

You entered your room and noticed two things immediately: 1) the ring is gone 2) your red one piece swimsuit is on the bed. Upon further investigation you discovered a note laying on top of it.

Written in quick scratch was a short note from Ghost.

‘Doe,

I’ve taken the liberty of making adjustments to your wardrobe.‘

‘Adjustments?’ You thought, grabbing your bag and dumping it out on the bed.

The only things missing were your other bathing suits and your shower stuff, quickly grabbing the red suit you rushed to the bathroom and locked yourself in to change. Pushing back the shower curtain you saw your body wash and shampoo, the walls still wet from his shower. You couldn’t help but let out an annoyed huff.

Your phone vibrated on the side of the small bathroom sink, sliding across the porcelain and falling into the sink basin. You quickly fixed the straps of your bathing suit and retrieved your phone before the leaky tap could wet the screen.

A video message awaited you from ghost, the image from the thumbnail made you laugh in a choked kind of surprise. He was outside giving you a leather thumbs up, your hot pink string bikini on overtop of his black hoodie. As you pressed play the video was mostly silent other than the nature noises of the background until he flipped the camera around and zoomed in.

A low modified whistle left his lips as his camera focused on the bathroom window, your bare back in the frame for a moment before he shifted the camera slightly to get the mirror in front of you, showcasing your breasts as you changed into your swimsuit.

You swiftly spun around going to the window to scan the area, he couldn’t have possibly gotten too far away. Throwing open the window you stuck your head out and looked to the left and then to the right where Ghost had suddenly appeared, inches from your face.

“Ow! Fuck, agh-“ You yelped, whacking your head on the window pane while he laughed at your expense.

“Hey! You okay?” Luke banged yelled from the other side of the bathroom door.

“Y-yeah!” You shouted back, turning to look inside the bathroom again before turning back around to see Ghost had crouched down, out of view if you were to open the bathroom door.

“What are you doing? You’re takin’ ages.”

“Uh- sorry. Wardrobe difficulties.” You squeaked out, glancing back at ghost who was still wearing your hot bikini bikini top, sans bottoms… which was honestly a bit disappointing. You heard Luke walk off, yelling to your sister that you were probably ‘on the throne’.

“Who is he? The Queen?” Ghost’s mechanical voice came from beneath the mask.

“Close enough.” You shrugged your shoulders and watched as he stood up to his full height, his knees cracking upon the ascent.

“Why did you take my shit Ghost? I wanted to wear that!” Whisper shouting at him while you hung the upper half of your body out the window.

“That’s why I took it.” He said plainly. “I don’t want you looking like a fucking slut out there without me around to keep other eyes off you.”

“Who the hell is gonna see me out here!? You shouldn’t have even seen me out here!” You pointed angrily.

“Shut up, I know you’re happy I’m here.” He snarled, getting right in your face, reaching up to grab your chin. “I heard you last night.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You scoffed as if you hadn’t done exactly what he was insinuating.

“I don’t want the girl who moans for me to be ogled at by some fucking frat guys.” He barked, shaking your chin and digging in his leather fingers.

You turned bright pink. You couldn’t argue with his statement. You did moan for him. Under him, over him, even without him.

“What frat guys?” You stuttered, avoiding acknowledgement to the first half of his sentence.

“Across the lake.” He pointed, flicking out his knife to gesture in their direction. “Big group of ‘em. Paid them a visit last night just to check things out, you know I worry about you.” He said in a quieter tone, bringing the blade of his knife to your bottom lip and tapping it with the flat side.

“I would’ve never known they were there if you hadn’t told me.” You narrowed your eyes, speaking carefully as the knife rested against your lip.

“Maybe.” He shrugged. “Or maybe not.”

“What’s that supposed- shit, why?” You flinched and brought your hand to your mouth touching the nick he’d left when he quickly jerked the knife away.

“So you’ll think of me when you’re yapping to some no-count bitch boy from across the way.” He snapped back. His leathered thumb came up to spread the blood across your bottom lip and past it onto your tongue.

“It’s just a bonus that you bleed so fucking pretty.” He pushed your tongue down with his thumb, rubbing the crimson liquid into the squishy muscle, then curling the same thumb behind your bottom row of teeth and shifting his cock in his jeans with his free hand.

“Clean it for me baby?” His modified voice lower than usual.

“No, use your mouth doe.” He chuckled when you reached out to grab the knife from him to rinse in the sink.

“What?” You furrowed your eyebrows but opened your mouth anyway. He placed the blade on your tongue and nodded at you.

“Now suck it.” He grumbled, affectionately patting your cheek twice before using two fingers to push up your chin and close your mouth around the cool steel.

————————————————————————

“What happened?” You sister asked, touching the scabbed line that traveled up your ass cheek and disappeared beneath your swimsuit.

“Well, I just fell.” You muttered, pulling the hem line to cover more of it. “Don’t really know what cut me but it happened a little bit ago.”

“You need to be more careful.” She shook her head, finishing up her job of rubbing in your sun tan lotion. “I swear you’re worse than my toddler.”

“Oh shut up, I am not.” You scoffed, “there’s a difference between something you don’t have any control over and choosing to shove a pebble up your nose.”

“I- that was only one time! When will you let that go?” She asked grumpily. “What am I supposed to do, carry around a fucking periscope so I can see behind me?”

“I’m not- I was kidding.” You sighed, shoving her out in front of you, making her stumble.

You clicked the lotion shut and shook it up, slamming it down on the heel of your hand before putting a generous amount in your palm. You slapped it onto her back and rubbed it in, ignoring the hissing sound she made when the wet glob of sunscreen in your palm smacked her flesh and splattered messily across her skin.

“Caleb is just… an explorer.” Lauren said, trying to make it sound better than it was.

“I never shoved anything up my nose.” Luke chimed in from behind his sunglasses, sitting up against one of the dock posts. “Lauren, you know I was an ‘explorer’.”

“No. You were a bug boy.” You snorted, looking over at him with a little smirk.

“So what? I liked… like bugs. They’re cool okay?” He grumbled waving them off.

“Remember when you had Ants on a Log with actual ants?” You giggled, Lauren crouching down as she let out a guffaw.

“I was seven!” He said defensively, crossing his arms.

“Caleb is two. He can shove a pebble up his nose and it can be excused.” Lauren snorted, catching her breath. “You were seven, you knew better. You have no room to talk.”

“Okay mom,” Luke huffed, you knew without a doubt that he was rolling his eyes behind those glasses. “At least I don’t still pick my nose.”

“Hey! Sometimes you just gotta get up in there.” Lauren pointed at him, a scowl on her face. “Don’t lie, you pick your nose. Everybody does!”

“Uh… I mean I technically pick my nose. Just with a tissue.” You said, supporting your sister in your useless argument.

“So you’re both gross then.” Luke gagged and grabbed his stomach dramatically.

“If I’m gross, so are you.” You said, getting settled on your towel. “Lauren’s right. Everyone picks their nose.”

“You’re both horrible.” He grumbled, shaking his head before standing up and lowering himself into an inner-tube so that he could float on the water.

You all had a peaceful first half of your day, it was refreshing after the hike to relax in the sunshine, letting the heat lull you into a state of calm and the opportunity to think of nothing save for the concentration of singling out different nature noises just because you could. Cicadas, the occasional grunt of a bullfrog, Whippoorwills calling out to each other in the trees, the gentling lapping of the lake against the dock.

None of the city sounds that clouded your head and made it feel cluttered.

It was cleansing, a nice reset for your mental state. Exactly what you needed, exactly what you were so happy to be here for. Now if only you could get some clarity on the difficulty you’d return to after your weekend of being at ease.

Even in peace times nothing is perfect.

The gentleness of the world you’d drifted into was being infiltrated. The distant sounds of a boat zipping through the water at much higher speed that it should’ve, especially with the water skier attached to the towline. What could make it worse? Two jet skis flanked the boat at a good distance away, though it was clear they were all in one group. Shouting and laughing like drunken fools, which you were sure they were considering the way they were behaving.

You licked your bottom lip, reminded of the small nick Ghost had left you with. These must be the ‘no-count bitch boys’ he was referring to earlier. You had to admit, he was definitely right about that. Wrong about your willingness to speak with them though.

You huffed and stood up, deciding now would be a good time to take a refreshing break in the water. The liquid enveloped your skin, the heat of the sun having beat down on you had your flesh soaking up the warmth so much that the water felt cold. In involuntary shiver tickled your spine as you swam over to Luke where he’d floated a way from the dock.

Slowly but surely the boat along with its entourage weaved its way across the water to your side of the lake, you pushed Luke’s inner-tube back toward the dock to give -them- yourself some space.

“Thanks babe.” Luke said, dipping his hand into the water and flicking it at your face.

“Hey! I was trying to be nice!” You scowled, reflexively sliding your hands beneath the tube to dump Luke out of it.

“I could’ve drowned!” He gasped as he resurfaced, taking off his sunglasses so he could wipe the water from his face and shake out his hair.

“Oh whatever, don’t be whiny.” You grinned.

“Me? You’re telling me not to whine?” Luke tossed his glasses up onto the dock and made his way toward you quickly. “All I did was flick you with water and you tried to drown me!”

“I did not!” Squealing as he lifted you up and tossed you farther into the water. How such a scrawny little guy could do such a thing was beyond you, but you had no time to contemplate.

You only had time for revenge. Squinting beneath the murky waters you made your way to Luke, hearing him call out your name in garbled syllables.

Ever since you’d known Luke, he’s had an irrational fear of the tiny possibility that there may be an alligator in any body of water. Didn’t matter how far from the wetlands of the states you were. There was always a slim chance, to him at least.

Holiday Inn pool? ‘But it’s outside, it could’ve crawled in! Will you just check it?’

Tiny dollar-store-bought blow up pool in your backyard? ‘But the creek! The creek’s back there… I’m not going in till you do.’

It got to the point that it was so severe his dad had to come up with a ‘gator gauge’ which was really just a hand-held tennis ball launcher he’d spray painted green and put a ‘gator free’ sticker on the back of so he could prove it was safe. Top-notch, high security, military grade ‘gator gauge’ that doubled as the lazy way to play fetch with their dog.

It was mean. Maybe a bit cruel… but he deserved it. So you swam behind him and put the heels of your palms together, spreading your fingers and creating jaws. You’d disappear from sight for long enough that a hypothetical alligator could’ve dragged you off and you heard Luke call out for you again.

Your lungs started to burn and you knew it was time to enact your plan. Luke stood on his tiptoes in the water, the perfect opportunity to press your fingers and nails into the muscle of his flexed calf. He screamed and thrashed about, you let him go and backed up so you could resurface. You popped up and sucked in a deep breath that turned into a choked laughing fit.

“You little bitch!” He yelled, splashing as he swam at you, pushing you under the water by your shoulders. He quickly pulled you back up and shoved your shoulder. A pink tint to his cheeks from embarrassment, he huffed and splashed a wave of water at you.

“I could’ve drowned!” You mocked him, pretending to cough.

In your short time of distraction the boat and its occupants had cut the engine and let the momentum carry them closer. The jet skis now tethered to the back, the ladder down in the water. Despite the safer option a group of five guys jumped over the side and made themselves at home in your space.

“Hey! How are you ladies?” One of them asked, completely ignoring that Luke was right there with you.

“No soliciting, thanks.” Your sister popped her head up and shook her left hand to show off her wedding ring.

“Whoa, didn’t mean anything like that!” He laughed and his friends agreed. “Just wanted to say hello, see if you guys were up for a drink.”

“I think we’re just fine.” Luke spoke up from behind you.

“I wasn’t asking you.”

“Alright, let’s go.” Sighing you turned around and swam until you were able to touch the lake bottom, walking the rest of the way to the shore.

“Hope you’re going to get some mixers.” A different guy shouted.

“Going to get a restraining order if you don’t leave.” You shot back over your shoulder, earning a round of laughs from them, the opposite of what you’d hoped for.

“C’mon. Don’t be like that! Just give us a chance. We’re good people.”

“Good at ruining my day.” Luke mumbled, following behind me and scooping up his stuff and getting ready to leave.

“You’re going? Serious?” One of them laughed.

“You came over here uninvited, you’re not entitled to our company.” You said, turning around and walking toward the house.

“That may be true but you’ve certainly made up for it by jiggling that ass.” His friends snickered and one smacked his arm.

You reminded yourself that you were here to have fun. Not to argue with a man who has half the brain capacity of a drunk squirrel.

Deciding you couldn’t let them win, you figured you’d beat them in your own way. You continued on without another word, pretending you hadn’t heard them, instead pulling out your phone and sending a simple text message.

‘You were right.’

The answer was an immediate: ‘I know.’

Diary entry: September 3rd

I hate to say I told you so. But I will.

I. Told. You. So.

I was having a great time watching you, it was reminiscent of how I used to watch you have dinner and I’d eat with you. You’re so cute and playful… I love you so much. I know that Luke is super gay, that’s not why I’m jealous. I’m not worried about that. I’m not stupid and I’m not paranoid, I know better. I’m jealous because it should’ve been me that you were playing around with.

I’m jealous cause you didn’t invite me. I’m jealous that you got to swim and I’m sitting in a tree, soaking my shirt with sweat. I’m jealous that Luke had a beer. I’m jealous that your sister took a nap. I’m jealous that those shit-for-brains tried to talk to you. (I love your sisters fucking comeback though.)

I’m jealous that they got a better look at your sweet little ass than I did too.

I’m pleased that you were so off-put by their behavior that you texted me little doe. What a very good girl you can be, but, oh so good at being bad too. You’re just like me. Maybe I’m making it worse, maybe better. I don’t know, I don’t really care either.

I’m just excited.

My little doe is feeding that flame of deviancy hanging out deep within your stomach. I knew you had it in there somewhere, gods you’re just so fucking perfect. I’ve never felt more lucky. ‘Ghost, I’ve got one more day here. What if they come back?’

What if indeed.

Men can be unpredictable. A woman is safer in a pit of snakes that being alone with a man she doesn’t know. Which is why I try so desperately to protect you especially in situations like this. That delivery guy? He seemed harmless. But I dug a bit deeper and well, he wasn’t so harmless after all.

Now, these boys might be disgusting pigs who prefer to wallow in the squalor and bask in the glory of their custom made beer can wall. They don’t deserve anything too harsh. Also; Wow. It’s amazing how they’ve managed to drink that much and none of them have been hospitalized for alcohol poisoning. But back to business, I personally don’t feel like killing anyone. I know for a fact you don’t. I also know that even if I did feel like it, I couldn’t because you’d definitely know it was me. Then what the hell would I do?

You had no good ideas. Which is not your fault, you just can’t think about these things on your own. You need guidance and that’s what I’m here for. So, I settled on something you’ve never done, I haven’t done in a long time, and it’s not technically illegal here… just heavily frowned upon. I hate their shit attitudes, they’re gross and they’ve disrespected you and that’s unacceptable. So a nice little bit of property ‘destruction’ is in order. Middle school memories, how sweet.

TP the cabin? Absolutely. Destroy their beer can wall? Definitely. Silly string their vehicles? Duh.

Fuck you before and after? Yes. Always.

Part Fifteen

Tag-List:

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Thanks to @rottencandyblood and all their love❤️

THE TAGS LIST IS FULL! But if you want to be tagged I will comment ur username for you. Love you all so many.

[ironunderstands]

Rant about how yall perceive Dr. Ratio bc I’m tired

I really wish people would stop projecting their hatred of debate bros and egotistical college students onto Dr. Ratio. Like yeah, they suck we know we are tired but please he is not a frat boy trying to convince you that 12$ being minimum wage is a good thing actually. The funny thing is that most of Ratio’s haters would probably have him agree with them on a lot of topics, but the problem is people don’t use their brain, hear “ratio is racist” and run with it without ever questioning if it’s true or makes sense for his character. Y’all cannot handle a character being kind but not nice, and honestly I’m so happy ratio isn’t a woman in canon bc oh my lord the misogyny that would happen if he was.

And honestly, I can’t even blame them considering how OOC half of Ratios “fans” write him.

Like please the next time I get hit with stoic, emotionless, unempathetic, uncaring, self-centered, narcissistic asshole (and even racist slaveowner ew god kill it with fire) ratio FROM HIS “FANS” I’m done. Stop, please get your grubby hands off of him. I’d rather read 10 dead dove fics in a row than be subjected to the horrors that is fanon Ratio. Especially mfs who write him this way in Aventio, I despise how a genuinely loving ship dynamic got warped into “toxic yaoi” bc people can’t read and/or be normal about mlm ships ever. I’m genuinely begging for a new popular gay ship to exist so all the weirdos can go run to that one and I can enjoy Aventio in peace.

To everyone who writes him correctly, thank you I love you, begging for more wholesome Aventio and Ratio content in general pls it’s the closest to canon (if you care ab that) I beg

[n3rdyw0rdy]

My thoughts on Vefve

I’ve been a fan of Ghost and Pals since 2018, and only in recent years have I joined the fandom. If you’ve seen my past tumblr account, you can tell that I’m quite the fan of Christopher Pierre (Aka: The Distortionist)

I’ve noticed Vefve when I saw her reference sheet for her version of Christopher Pierre and went down the pipeline of her works, and I’ve got some thoughts.

Selfshipping

I have no problem with self shipping at all, since I myself, if you couldn’t tell, make countless ocs for fandoms or characters I like.

What I do feel odd about is Vefve’s self ship with Christopher Pierre. I have heard that Vefve is in her early or late 20’s (I’m not completely certain, but she claimed to be an adult), which the character, Christopher, is 17.

I know she has stated that the version if Chris that she ships herself with is “aged up”, but Christopher, quite literally, hasn’t aged a bit in her art. Even if he’s supposed to be “24”, Vefve has done nothing to his design to indicate that he’s older than he canonically is, appearance wise, which rubs me the wrong way.

“He’s fictional”, I don’t hear you guys saying that when Erin Clover shipped herself with Bakugo while she was in her 30’s.

The Vampire Au

I wasn’t familiar with this AU or the fanfic that went along with it until recently.

I know that Vefve has made a statement saying how she doesn’t like the fanfic anymore, but I beg to differ.

For context, the fanfic consisted of Christopher Pierre as a Vampire, and Kennith Simmons (keep him in mind) as a victim. Christopher attacks Kennith and offed him, but then kissed the severed head of Kennith.

This fanfic is both odd and just weird to me. The random n3crophilia and weird romanticization of the situation leaves a weird taste in my mouth, and if anything, unnecessary.

I understand that Vefve wanted it to be a “horror” fic and not glamorized, but the fanfic itself does that. She even made the excuse that “vampires can’t control themself” or are mindless monsters, but even with that logic, I don’t think a mindless monster would make out with a severed head.

Even with Vefve’s statement of not liking the fic or au, she still mentions it a lot and even made art of the kiss scene, which discourages me to believe that she was honest about it.

Mischaracterization and Chrisken (christopher x kennith)

Probably the most prevalent excuse Vefve gives for defending this ship is that she “changed the characters” so the relationship isn’t as toxic as it would, and with that, fully mischaracterizing the two characters.

Vefve has changed Christopher to a “dominant nonchalant charismatic charmer” while Kennith is a “Sweet innocent boy”. This may be nitpicky of me, or over exaggerating their recharactsrizations, but I just personally dislike it. She also characterizes Kennith to be “child like”, which is really odd to me since canonically, he’s an adult and Christopher is still a minor. I know it’s only a one year age gap, but I have more thoughts on the ship itself below.

Now for the ship itself, I’m not a fan at all. Sorry. But don’t take this being the only reason I don’t really like Vefve, as seen above theres more understandable reasons for my distaste other than me being nitpicky. The ship itself doesn’t really work for me, especially by how realistically, it would be really toxic. Toxic ships have a right to exist, but I feel like if it got into the hands of Vefve or people like her, it would be glamorized to hell and back. (pun intended)

Other thoughts

Generally, the very risky and otherwise odd things she post of Christopher and the fanart her fans make her is very jarring, especially knowing the context of Christopher as a character and his age.

The dynamic of Vefve’s version of Chrisken is just really generic and oddly fetishistic. I’m not accusing anything, but being honest, their relationship feels like it was written by a person who just discovered gay people existed. Sorry. That was mean. But I’m trying to give my honest opinion.

Vefve’s behavior towards people who dislike her is somewhat immature for an adult. Yes, I do understand that some people send death threats to her which can be a bit overboard, but Vefve going out of her way to make post about them seems unnecessary if she can just block them.

I don’t like using the word cringe, but Vefve is cringe. Sorry. I genuinely hate using the word cringe by how watered down the meaning became, but I have no other label to think of when it comes to Vefve. Her fans are no different either. Sorry, that was also mean. Please don’t publicly execute me.

These were my honest thoughts on Vefve. I know that I might be dogpiled for even criticizing her for anything, but I feel like someone had so say at least something. If I missed anything, I’ll edit this, but whoever read through this whole thing and agree with me, have a good day. And if you disagree, also have a good day, but if please don’t associate with me.

And if Vefve is reading this, hi, stay cringe, but don’t thirst over canonically minor characters. Thank you.