diaries-of-a-questioning-queer

[diaries-of-a-questioning-queer]

currently giggling, twirling my hair, and kicking my feet because of a drawing right now

[diaries-of-a-questioning-queer]

Probably the most relatable responses to my original post. For me, it often feels like a sisterhood that’s right in front of me. That everyone else thinks I’m a part of, but I feel like an intruder. No one else sees the barrier between us. No one else sees the drifting divide. It’s not my space, it’s not my bond to have with others. It’s not a community I’m a part of. I’m transgender because I am, not because I want to be.

Can we discuss how some transmasc/ftm people want to be a girl, and wish they were able to be feminine without hating it. Like I wish I could just be a woman, but it makes me so dysphoric and I hate every second of it. I wish I could like those skirts I buy, but if they touch my waist I want to rip them off.

(silently hoping anyone understands this)

[diaries-of-a-questioning-queer]

I also just moved to another state

For some unknown reason, whenever I have a crush on someone, I always want to avoid dating them. Like, sometimes I’d like to, deep inside me, but I’ll go out of my way to make sure that doesn’t happen. Idk, maybe it’s self preservation or something.

[diaries-of-a-questioning-queer]

For some unknown reason, whenever I have a crush on someone, I always want to avoid dating them. Like, sometimes I’d like to, deep inside me, but I’ll go out of my way to make sure that doesn’t happen. Idk, maybe it’s self preservation or something.

[diaries-of-a-questioning-queer]

Listen I’m running on fumes right now, and my ADHD isn’t helping, so here’s a quote from home just now: “I love men, not in the way that women love women, but in the way you love your pet rat, like goddamn men are hot” -I then proceeded to die laughing because holy shit what the fuck did I just say???

[diaries-of-a-questioning-queer]

I want a boy to smother me in kisses. I want him to lean in and talk against my lips. I want him to gently graze my chin. I want him to send shivers down my spine. I want him to tell me my eyes are like heaven to him. Oh god I wish I had a boy. A boy to call my own. A boy that would love me as I love him. A boy who’s whispers make me shiver. A boy who’s voice makes my heart flutter. I want a boy to love me so purely it hurts. I want a boy to love me as I love him. So desperately, so longingly. Oh how I wish I could have a boy kiss my neck. So tenderly, so full of love. How I wish for the intimacy I crave. Oh how I wish I had a boy to call my own.

[diaries-of-a-questioning-queer]

After like three years my outside stressors have mostly gone away, and I’m now left with crippling dysphoria. Like, I got out of survival mode, and am now just fucking dying. Wears the wrong pants? Dysphoria. Doesn’t have a binder on? Dysphoria. Makeup? Dysphoria. Talking? Dysphoria. Literally anything not “masculine”? Dysphoria. I need testosterone like now. Dear god save me.

[diaries-of-a-questioning-queer]

Sooooooooo about this…I, uh, have done a lot of self reflection lately and I’m more than likely biromantic lol. Good try though, past me.

I think I’m just gay, like I’m aesthetically attracted to all genders, but I only want to date boys/more masc-leaning enbies. Generally the idea of dating girls seems wrong for me. Like women? Gorgeous, all of them, but I’m not romantically attracted to them.

[diaries-of-a-questioning-queer]

“You dress like a girl, so you must not be trans” I just changed out of my cute ass outfit because I got immensely dysphoric as soon as I put it on :)

[diaries-of-a-questioning-queer]

I keep my asexuality close to my heart, never really letting it out of sight. It’s something few people know about me, as I keep it quiet just in case. When I started questioning whether or not I’m Aromantic, well, I told two people, and even that was a maybe. I keep in in my heart locked away for my eyes only, a truth only I know. I like pretending I’m not A-spec sometimes. I like pretending I experience things just like everyone else. I know I don’t, I guess we all long for what we don’t have. Maybe, just maybe I’m not. Maybe I will want to actually date someone I like. Maybe one day I’ll settle down with someone. Maybe one day I’ll find a romantic soulmate. Maybe one day I won’t feel so broken.

[diaries-of-a-questioning-queer]

update to the update to the update. they need to stop trying to be in my friend group, they’re alienating one of my actual friends because they’re a dick

Y’ALL I MET A NON-BINARY PERSON THAT GOES TO MY SCHOOL TODAY. I SAW THEM A FEW TIMES AND I HAD FEELING, BUT TODAY I SAT AT A TABLE WITH THEM AND THEY ASKED ME MY PRONOUNS AND THEN THEY TOLD ME THEIRS WERE THEY/THEM!!! I FOUND ANOTHER ONE!!!

[diaries-of-a-questioning-queer]

It’s not that I want to be a boy and don’t want to be a girl as much as it’s wanting so desperately to be a girl, but just not being able to. It’s not me. It’s uncomfortable and weird, and it doesn’t feel like me, but that doesn’t stop me from chasing it. I want the sisterhood I feel alienated from. I want to have long hair and a pretty dress on and recognize myself, but I don’t, and I can’t. When I’m masculine though, I’m hyper aware of myself, it often makes me physically dysphoric, but it’s me, and my body. Though i feel a bit left out, I still feel like one of the boys. It’s more comfortable for me, more natural. It’s really not because I want to be a boy though, it’s just what I am.

and maybe i’m secretly non binary, who knows

( i do, i’m almost definitely not lol)

[diaries-of-a-questioning-queer]

uhh…so i was looking at r/aegosexual s and i saw this??? i know they didn’t just say narcissism is related to being asexual 😤 /j

[diaries-of-a-questioning-queer]

update to the update, we are no longer friends, they kinda fucking sucked sometimes :/

Y’ALL I MET A NON-BINARY PERSON THAT GOES TO MY SCHOOL TODAY. I SAW THEM A FEW TIMES AND I HAD FEELING, BUT TODAY I SAT AT A TABLE WITH THEM AND THEY ASKED ME MY PRONOUNS AND THEN THEY TOLD ME THEIRS WERE THEY/THEM!!! I FOUND ANOTHER ONE!!!

[diaries-of-a-questioning-queer]

Can we discuss how some transmasc/ftm people want to be a girl, and wish they were able to be feminine without hating it. Like I wish I could just be a woman, but it makes me so dysphoric and I hate every second of it. I wish I could like those skirts I buy, but if they touch my waist I want to rip them off.

(silently hoping anyone understands this)

[diaries-of-a-questioning-queer]

i hate this hellsite

[diaries-of-a-questioning-queer]

every trans person here, go listen to this song:

(yoshi’s island by glass beach)