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#i wrote this without my glasses
haruniki · 2 years
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Chainsaw Man Sleepover
characters: Kobeni, Power
a/n: still only writing for Kobeni and Power! ik it's lame that i only write for two characters at the moment but i feel comfortable writing for these two. I will add more soon promise 🫶🫶 this is basically how they are at a sleepover with their partner, pls note that I've never been to a sleepover because i get nervous in other people homes and i get nervous having people over lol
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Kobeni:
Very nervous, she's never been to a sleepover.
She's very excited for it though! Kobeni buys good snacks and drinks for you both. Also brings board games and movies to keep you both entertained.
She's shows up earlier than the agreed time so she can help set up anything. Also suggest the idea of a pillow fort.
When it gets later into the evening, Kobeni changes into her pajamas. An old black tshirt and shorts. She declines you trying to let her borrow any if your clothes, however she does wear your slippers
Hates horror movies
Absolutely refuses to watch one with you, prefers romance or comedy movies
When you both finally do go to bed, Kobeni isn't sure what to do. She wants to cuddle up next to you but what if you need your space while sleeping? Or what if you don't want her on your bed? or.. or
"Kobeni, come on! i grabbed extra blankets for the bed! Is there a specific side of the bed you like?"
Smiling, Kobeni hops into the bed with you. Allowing you to undo the ponytail and take out her clips, she snuggles into you.
You both talk about random things, work, plans, anything special that was done recently, just anything before you both drifted off asleep
Power:
Very calm, which was a little unnerving to you
When Power arrived, she was carrying a pet carrier containing Meowy.
"Ahem! BEHOLD! A bag full of precious resources that I gathered!
Power didn't buy the snacks that were in the bag, Aki bought them. But it's still sweet that she brought them.
You did convince her to shower and even helped her wash and dry her hair. Power seemed to enjoy it.
Power didn't bring any extra clothes and decides to steal borrow some of your clothes. This leads to an almost 2 hour fashion clothes of Power trying on different articles of clothing.
When you both go to settle down to watch a movie, Power demands to watch the bloodiest, most gruesomiest(idk how to spell it) horror movie you have
You put on a sad romance movie and Power cries at the end
Power doesn't even ask if she can sleep in your bed, her and Meowy are already lying on it all comfortable.
She pulls you into her chest because she doesn't want accidentally poke your eye out with her horns if she laid on your chest.
"Human, Come here and give me and Meowy your attention. I worked so hard this week so you should come lie next to me."
Likes talking about her future plans, nobel prize, her plan to take over the world, and how annoying she thinks Denji and Aki are before falling asleep.
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naivegh0ul · 11 months
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that post about ghost being into you ignoring him,,
I thirst for more
the brainrot is reeeeaaal ughhh
I wanna cockwarm him but instead of grinding and whining and complaining that I want him to fill me so good like I usually do I wanna just sit there and actually cockwarm him, pretend he isn’t there, go on my phone and maybe respond to all the guys in my DMs right in front of him, maybe linger on one dick pick from some rando just to rile him up and watch out of the corner of my eye as his twitches in frustration, but he won’t say anything about it :(( I wanna be sitting in the living room on the couch all sweet and pretty and have him come up to me and try to grind on me or get me to touch him but all I’ll do is lay there and read my book or watch my show, pull my hands out of his when he tries to pull them towards his cock for me to stroke him :(( he’d be so mad and pent up after probably only a day, and when he does get to slip his cock into my tight hole?? baby I’d pretend I couldn’t feel anything and start reading some yummy smut while he ruts into me :(( but it’s okay bc he likes it and it gets him off and makes him try harder to please me, so it’s a win-win!!
YESSS you get me this is exactly what I was thinking.
He thinks that if he gets you in his lap and stuffs you full of his cock, he'll get a reaction. Maybe have you squirming and whining. But you just sit there, on that stupid little phone of yours.
And god, if you even dare start looking at some other guy's dick pics? He gets so mad, hands balling into fists and his eyebrow twitching in annoyance. He knows he should control himself, at least on the outside.
On the inside, he's fuming. He's picturing kicking that guy's ass, beating him to a pulp and then sending you a photo of his limp, unconscious body. Just the thought of it gets his cock twitching inside you, has him groaning and bucking his hips up into you.
You're so right about sitting and looking all pretty on the couch for him. In your cute little pyjamas, book in hand as you smile and get butterflies from what's happening in the story. You haven't look up from your book in ages (it's been 10 minutes) and he really wants you right now.
He tries so hard to get your attention, pulling out all the stops. He spreads his thighs, rubbing them lightly as he groans and shifts his hips. No response. So he tries something a little more hands on, shuffling closer to run his hands along your torso and chest. Still, no response.
When he tries to grab your hand to pull it away from the book, you let him; teasing him a little, leading him on. You let him pull your hand towards his crotch, his sweats tented from where his cock is hard and leaking but you don't let him put your hand on it, simply pulling your hand back and flipping the page nonchalantly.
Once this goes on for longer than a day, and you're denying him what he wants, he gets really annoyed. He's walking around the house with a permanent hard-on, sometimes waking up to find himself grinding against your ass.
It's torture and he loves it.
When he finally manages to get his hands on you, it's over for him. He's cumming before he's even fully inside you, just the tip pressed into your hole as he moans and throws his head back. You don't care, acting as if you can't feel Ghost's thick cock stretching you out and twitching inside you as he cums.
And Ghost is determined to make you react. Anything, a shaky sigh, a tiny moan, anything. Just something to show that, yes, he does affect you. His balls slapping against your ass does affect you.
He does affect you - he does have you fingering yourself in the bathroom when he goes to bed because you're so pent up from not letting Ghost touch you - but he doesn't know that. To him, you're completely fine. You don't care when he bottoms out and cums again, choosing to rut against your ass slowly so he doesn't shoot his load for the third time.
Don't even think about pulling up some smut on your phone because that will be his last straw. As much as he absolutely loves being ignored, loves seeing your bored little expression as he fingers you open, he wants you to react. He needs you to react.
So that phone is being tossed onto the carpeted floor and you're being flipped onto your back, your legs slung over Ghost's shoulders as he puts you into a mating press and enters you again, leaning down so you're face to face and Ghost can watch the minute details of your expression, checking to see if your eyebrows furrow a little or if your eyes cloud over and your lips part.
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megolololo · 11 months
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why shockwave is the most fatherly decepticon (even more so than soundwave):
(aka i’m delusional and smitten)
every character in every medium revolves around a theme. a theme in a novel or a show or a film tends to be an idea that will be explored in both the subtext and text of that medium.
shockwave’s theme, surprise, surprise, is creation and rebirth (in most tf media). his whole character is concerned with the parenting of either himself (as a way of rehabilitating after empurata) or of others (predacons, his little bots in cyberverse, or even his subordinates like tarn)
now, you might ask, what sets shockwave’s fatherliness apart from soundwave’s? how is he any more fatherly than soundwave?
allow me to demonstrate with the following screenshot from guardians of the galaxy:
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yup.
shockwave was everyone’s father, but soundwave was everyone’s daddy (no not like that)
still not convinced? allow me to introduce you or remind you of the concept of nature vs. nurture. ironically enough, for someone who is only a father, shockwave is the more nurturing one. soundwave is considered a father because he is a cassette player and his “children” are cassettes
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in idw1 soundwave was actually more so adopted by his cassettes rather than the other way around. shockwave, on the other hand, birthed - even if not literally - and raised all the subjects he needed to raise to prepare for either war or for life
in idw1, shockwave was like a father to tarn. post-empurata, he still chose to call tarn the name that defined him the most: “damus.” not “glitch”, not “tarn”, which are all personas and not real identities (glitch = associated with his outlier power, tarn = leader of djd) but “damus.” shockwave knows the real tarn because he was there to raise him.
(extra note: to really drill in the fact that shockwave was fatherly to tarn, shockwave thinks “damus” is tarn’s real name while megatron, right before killing him, implies that “glitch” is. megatron is a military leader; he will favor the identity that holds the most militant potential. shockwave cared for tarn; he will favor the boy he knew when he was still in the academy)
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we can even still see the effects of pre-empurata shockwave on tarn, who takes great pleasure in the arts and everything conceptually and fundamentally beautiful like poetry or literature or music. and guess who wanted to be remembered for “both his brains and his beauty”?
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in cyberverse, he was actually kinda like a father to shadowstriker. he took her in after she was severely injured and placed her in his unit as a form as rehab, if you will (she wouldn’t have been able to go to more militant and armed units in such a condition). though he was less there to nurture shadowstriker, as she was already a developed adult, he was there to protect her. iirc, in a scene where they get frozen by this immobilizer, shockwave pushes her behind him.
it’s the same in tfp, where shockwave, near the end of the series, shoves ratchet behind him during the spacebridge battle and fires at other autobots. the enemy is LITERALLY next to him and yet he chooses to protect ratchet from stray bullets. and to address the predacon elephant in the room, he literally raised predacons. he petted them and comforted them and gave them sustenance to live and thrive.
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shockwave is cold, rational, and is obsessed with logic, yes, but he assumes this logic from what he has observed and what he has experienced before, whether that before be pre-empurata or before the war.
could he have had a fatherly and caring figure before the war? possibly. could he have picked it up from how animals assume this role automatically, as if it was biologically and universally a logical thing to do? possibly. but have we ever considered that… it’s just part of his personality?
BuT but shoCkwAve dOesnT have EmoTions
if he didn’t have emotions and therefore no personality, he’d never feel compelled to lie or have any will to do anything. he is driven. a computer is not. a computer is told to do something and will output the most logical output based on its coding. he’s self-driven and autonomous with his decisions.
so, to sum it up, shockwave is nurturing, but because he is often overruled by the need to follow a strict diet of reason and self-motivated curiosity for knowledge, this part of him is always overshadowed. he’s not a good man. he will frankly never be. but he can be a good father if he only let himself be. thank you for coming to my ted talk
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kekithepancake25 · 22 days
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drew Starlo from memory >:3
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logansargey · 3 months
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Favs old grid drivers & ships like 2000s 2010ish
Also I would 100% read your princess cake fics (Jenson/Nico), just read your fic about them & Logan it was really good
Omfg I didn't even know that that was their ship name lmao. But it's cute!! I'm working on the series rn!! My favorite grid ever is the 2010s so there's more ships from that era
Okay so here is my fav ships from the 2000s-2010s
SIMI!!!! I'm a sucker for Simi
makkinen. They're so cute.
Brocedes. Now come on, there's so much here. They're so cute. Lots of angst, but still cute.
Princess cake. Why'd y'all think this wasn't gonna be up here? I love them sm.
Webbonso. Oml, I love them sm.
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syn4k · 3 months
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tiem reester is objectively terrifying because imagine there were these four (eventually five) people who are extremely competent dangerous in their own ways and then they packbonded on a molecular level. like to an outsider they may as well be an entirely different species because of how dangerous they are. these bitches are Scary when you stop to think about it but most of the time we don't because we have an inside perspective and they're so familiar and close with each other it just seems normal
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disposal-blueeee · 1 year
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diaryfic doodles
alright. i think i'll use this account to post vargas things from now.
i can't stop thinking about convalescence (not a good thing D:) and i really wanted to draw something related. i'm even thinking of doing an animated meme,,, but i need to learn how to animate first hahaha
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butterflies
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drawing him like this it's giving me brain damage i could even cry rn
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scary
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my first time drawing jake,,, i love him so so so so much
and i have a mini comic too!!
i honestly love jake so much. it broke my heart seeing edgar begging for him to stay even if he wasn't there on the first place. and i obviously had to draw it because i love angst
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he, in fact, left him (because he was never there in the first place)
bonus
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frozen yogurt :D (good ending)
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this is the original one btw (credits to zarla)
i know it's not related to diaryfic but it was really fun to draw
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mistergreatbones · 7 months
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Hi my name’s Cassandra Cain and I’m the daughter of the Bat. I have short black hair and eyes that change color depending on the artist and I’m 5’something and super skinny but I can beat up a guy who’s thrice my size because I was raised to be the most badass assassin ever by my abusive father but I feel super bad about killing someone so now I’m angst-ridden about it. I met Batman when I was seventeen and he thought I was super cool and relatable so he helped me beat up my dad and then asked me to become his Batgirl. I said yes <3 Now we sit on gargoyles next to each other and brood after we finish punching criminals together all night long. Also Batman invited me to live in his giant mansion with a butler.
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wallabywhump · 1 month
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This post gets a little into discourse, so if you want to avoid 9-1-1 fandom discourse I've put this under a read more/keep reading. I guess the TL;DR you can take from this is I'm likely not going to be posting the final chapters of my multichapter fic anytime soon, if at all.
The tags are *also* discoursey/venty, so don't hit the "see all" if you don't like discourse.
After my last post, I kinda went offline for a little while to rest and recoup. (I've lost access to my discord account because I've since got a new laptop.)
I've had my treatment and am, in general, feeling a lot better. But when I got back online after a week or so break and scrolled my dash a bit, I immediately saw shit slinging and aggression from everyone I seem to follow. Or, if it wasn't active participation in discourse, it was vaguing about ignoring discourse.
So, I logged off.
Then, I log back on a week later and I see even more discourse.
This time I blocked the tags of people I seemed to see the most, and moved on with it.
This week, I thought "third times a charm" and opened up tumblr. It is not the charm, in fact it is much much worse.
I'm not going to go into it, and I'm not naming names, but this is not my first fandom rodeo. I've been in a lot of fandoms over the years, and none (literally none) have ever come close to being this fractured and toxic to me (and I'm a fucking DC and SPN fan, Jesus Christ. I legitimately said to a friend of mine "take me back into the DC fandom, it's not safe in 9-1-1.")
I'm not going to "both sides are as bad as each other" but I am going to say I've never followed any actively 'Buddie' accounts, only BuckTommy's and multi-shippers, and all the shit I'm seeing? It's being slung by BuckTommy's. Back over the garden wall, for sure, but sometimes you're scooping out of your own toilet to throw at the people you're roommates with.
That's a messy metaphor.
Either way, some of y'all need the hiatus' you're saying you're taking. Wait for the show to come back, and all the trolls to get preoccupied with the new episodes, touch some grass, do some breathing, prioritize yourself and not people on the internet.
All this to say, I've never felt more demoralized and demotivated to write for other people before. I always have, and will continue to, write for myself. I post it to share for free so other people who might want to read what I do too, can.
Because of all the hate and vitriol, I no longer want to share it with you.
I had had plans to get the chapter beta'd this week and wanted the fic done by the time the new season hit (just in case my interpretation and HC's were severely contradicted) but that's no longer the plan.
I'm logging off, again, for the foreseeable future and taking my own advice. I'll be back when the new season starts.
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thatcoolguyeli · 6 days
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um. evanreg. i need to know more im afraid. i havent heard a single thing about them ever and im already obsessed
hey rem:)
evanreg is just evan and regulus learning together how the world can be kind to them, they both were hurting so much and leaving their families at similar times created this bond where they understand each other to a scary level. they are this reserved couple you wouldn't assume are dating as they are still very scared of outside judgement. sometimes their love for each other is suffocating but they both are too say anything as the fear of losing each other is worse. its not codependent to the point of never seen without each other but they just enjoy each others company too much they wont change, they both live separate lives and they are very happy to finally not be controlled every step of the way.
i like to imagine evan doesn't like to stay in a job for too long as he cannot settle, constantly searching for something he can't find as the only thing he knows he enjoy is music and weed which doesn't pay the bills. regulus is in some cooperate job actually using his degree and is enjoying it. feel like in a modern au it would be compute science or business. they live in the city in this skyrise with beautiful views all refurbished but very cosy, they take pride on their space as its finally theirs
i could go on for ages
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aranarumei · 1 year
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the stranger in the hall
hey @dirtbra1n I’ve been thinking abt ur dating sim au recently so I wrote smthing. under the cut as usual
shirahama’s gotten used to looking around while he walks. by now, it’s a comfortable rhythm—he glanced through windows, into shadows and dilapidated corners, catches passing expressions on the faces of strangers.
he’s not obvious enough for the people he’s watching to notice—or, well, more accurately, he’s not important enough for them to care—but he’s pretty sure tashiro has figured out why he seems zoned out lately. recently it seems like he’s been looking out for something, too, and it’s pulled shirahama’s attention back to the point that they end up hazily conversing whenever they’re walking together. recently it’s been about the injustice of sports clubs.
it’s a delicate balance. shirahama can’t ask if tashiro’s started having feelings—he can just hope against all odds. miyano seems to like him well enough, a fact which sometimes makes shirahama vindictively think, tashiro’s my friend, and then stew in misery.
he’d been his friend back when shirahama had played his character route, too. it was a nice route in hindsight—barely romantic and with a large focus on just learning about the ensemble cast. tashiro had been a comforting, reassuring presence amongst a cast of strange characters.
shirahama wasn’t a faceless protagonist anymore—he was a might-as-well-be-faceless side character, which wasn’t better or worse—but his relationship with tashiro had stayed.
he’s on his lonesome today, though. judging by how deserted the hallways are, he’s definitely late for class, but since he can’t remember a single thing about exams in the game, he figures he’s safe.
well, hirano talked about exams constantly. they’d had so many study dates used as blatant excuses to flirt instead of doing math. but shirahama hadn’t even cared much when he was… well. he didn’t know if he was still alive or not.
the other reason why the hallways are so deserted is that there’s an Event, and the moment shirahama recognizes this possibility is also when he sees a hunched over figure leaning against the hallway wall, face obscured. shirahama’s gotten so used to these kinds of situations happening that the first thing he checks for is the sound of miyano’s footsteps approaching.
…why does he know that?
the halls are silent. in a split second, shirahama watches the guy in front of him go almost deathly still, before his knees buckle and—
there’s a strangled voice pressed against his chest. shirahama leaps back on instinct, and the person who’d almost taken a dive two seconds ago squints at him with unfocused emotion. finally he slowly lowers himself into a sitting position on the floor and offers shirahama a wan smile. “you also late for class?”
he looks around even though he already know there’s no one in sight, and then plops down next to him. “you okay?” he asks, wondering if it’s something he’s allowed to ask. the guy may not have noticed him until now, but shirahama had spent a solid minute watching him sway around without moving.
“yeah,” the stranger breathes. “I’ve just got a weak stomach.”
“ah.”
they sit in silence for a bit. shirahama watches as the stranger tangles his fingers together in awkward patterns. he’s never seen him before, but that’s not unusual. “what’s your name?” he asks.
“you can call me ichinose. you?”
“…shirahama.” it’s been a while since he’s introduced himself to others. tashiro had already known his name, and most other people hadn’t been around him long enough to find out.
“…you should probably head to class, you know,” ichinose says. “I’ll be fine here.”
“oh, um, it’s fine,” shirahama says, unsure how to clarify that he’d just been zoning out instead of looking after him. “I’m not too excited to go, anyways…”
ichinose frowns. “well, as long as it’s not an exam I guess it’s okay,” he says. “I always end up getting really sick on those days and it’s—“ he shakes his head. “it’s not a big deal. I hope whatever’s bothering you… stops doing that, I guess.”
“random question,” shirahama says. “do you know… there’s this first year. some guy named… miyano?” the name rests oddly in his mouth. he wonders if he’s been able to say it correctly this time—without feeling.
“who?”
“random question. don’t worry about it.” his shoulders relax just a bit. “it’s… I don’t know. it’s like it’s not one thing that bothers me. it’s a bunch of really small things that feel weird to say out loud, because all of them are really just… one thing.”
ichinose snorts. “here I thought I was being vague.”
despite himself, shirahama smiles. “like I said, it’s weird to say out loud.”
he’d have to explain the reason why he’s learned to recognize footsteps. the strange kind of sickness he’d felt when running into ichinose. knowing the limits of what could and could happen to him. it was never a simple thing.
the glassy tone to ichinose’s gaze has abruptly sharpened. when he turns his head to look at shirahama it’s piercing, and he stares at him like he’s seen a ghost. his lips part in surprise. “you like someone.”
he gets chills so violent it feels like his back could snap. “what?”
ichinose has turned his gaze to the floor. “well,” he says, “since I’m graduating this year and I really doubt we’ll run into each other after that… like recognizes like, or whatever.”
nice, shirahama thinks, the game never had any love interests that are third years when you’re a first year. then he feels mortified. “and it’s a…” he trails off.
“um. yeah,” ichinose says, picking the dirt out of his fingernails. “it’s not really a—even if he wasn’t… it’s kind of a hopeless effort, you know? but I still…”
a tightness abruptly seizes shirahama’s throat. “yeah,” he manages to get out. “I know.”
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naivegh0ul · 9 months
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Okay hear me out on this... mechanic!au with the 141. After the events of MW3, the close call with Soap is too much so after they capture Makarov, they all retire (idk if this is possible but just go with it) and open up and autoshop somewhere in England.
It gives them something to do with their hands and it doesn't hurt anybody so it's a win-win. The shop is called 141 Bodyshop or something like that.
Price is the most popular, customers immediately trust him with the repair of their car because of how blunt yet kind he is with people. He also gives off Daddy energy and he can tell that the customers like that.
Gaz is the charmer within the group so most of the time he's behind the till because customers won't stop flirting with him instead of explaining what's wrong with their car.
Soap is more hands-on so he isn't interacting with people as much, though when he is Price has to scold him for trying to hide his number in the customers cars. He's too much of a flirt so Price has to keep him away from the customers.
Ghost is the main one who works on the cars because he's good with his hands (😉). He chooses to stay in the back with the cars because people don't like to talk to him, he scares most of the customers off and stares blankly at the ones who do try to flirt with him.
Idk this isn't thought out in the slightest it was just a thing that popped into my head before bed.
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hiddenworldofmary · 8 months
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january in 9 pictures
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opens-up-4-nobody · 6 months
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...
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princedevitt · 6 months
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Hi. So I’m just starting to get into AEW and oh my word, please give me the deets on Orange Cassidy. I’ve been watching YouTube videos of his matches all day.
He’s got me hooked.
Welcome!! It’s never too late to get OC fever!
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He’s my favourite wrestler on AEW! I think his first international reign cemented him as a top star. To me & others tor sure already knew this but i saw a shift in people’s opinions of him toward the end of his reign. I love that for him! He was defending that championship OFTEN! People thought he was just this lazy guy who wrestles and puts his hands in his pockets. There’s also the element of mind games to it and he can go all out if he needs to! Especially when it came to the international championship… you could not pry the gold out of his hands if he can help it! Poor thing. His second reign just finished I know he’s so tired! 😭
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As you can tell he is fun to watch!!! No one should ever deny the amazing wrestler he is. Sometimes he moves like a sloth then other times he’s fast like a cat. 🤣 Mind you the moves he manages to pull off with his hands in his pockets are no joke.
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Also this isn’t relevant but it is to me. Notice how many times he reaches over to fix his hair. It’s like he has a spidey sense for it. ✨🤣
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I would love to know what matches you’ve seen so far! Some of my favourites are;
Oc vs PAC Revolution 2020
OC vs Ospreay Forbidden Door 2022
OC vs Garcia vs ZSJ vs shibata forbidden door 2033
I think any of his matches toward the end of his first reign were really fun to watch. I remember being at the edge of my seat because any time he can lose the title! He looks physically beaten up and we all know he is exhausted. But he keeps accepting challenges! And he is fighting for his life.
His match against Swerve comes to mind. One against D Garcia where Danny is WORKING our poor man’s back. The one against Penta. Watch this promo at the end. 😭 There’s definitely more. I am listing what comes to mind quickly because I have to quit procrastinating an essay due tonight.
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Feel free to message me so we can chat about this tired and incredible blondie. I love talking about him!
There’s definitely tons more to say. 🫡
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cextra-loz · 2 years
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Today I was able to stand for a new limit of 50 minutes when my physical symptoms are at their most minimal in a controlled environment. So we know 50 is the max now we're trying to reach 1 hour. I feel like I could've reached an hour with how I was feeling but the muscle endurance in my legs wouldn't have let me. I'm reaching a weird stage in my progress where its been so long since my body has had to support my weight for that long the blood pooling in my soles irritates and hurts like hell the days afterwards so now i'm rubbing the my feet like i've worked a hard day to prevent the inflammation from impeding my progress. I feel tho if I can reach that 1 hour limit I can reach longer times with practice. Its been years since i've stood for so long i'm really excited to keep practicing and hopefully keep improving. Last year around this time I was barely reaching 35 maybe 40 if I really really pushed- during my least symptomatic hours. Those extra 10 minutes might not mean much but since the beginning of my illness I never imagined i'd be able to make it to 30 let alone 50. I felt pretty good this session too which is the most important part, I feel like its the lack of muscular stamina that held me back rather than cardiac endurance. Anyway update is over, if I reach that 1 hour time it'll be a happy day I cannot tell how long it'll take me to reach that time but with some more practice I think a few weeks or months at least i'd imagine maybe even sooner. I'm so happy lets go! Dreams do come true at least 4 me ehehe!
#pots#dysautonomia#progress#the best thing about longer uptime means more endurance - the longer i'm able to stay up the more my legs should begin to adapt#if I can push the amount of time when i'm not as symptomatic maybe it'll help increase my endurance when i'm most symptomatic#when i'm at my most symptomatic I cannot stand for the life of me more than a minute#i will collapse#but increasing my minimal symptomatic time to higher numbers means I feel less physical pain and exhaustion when I am at my most#symptomatic which is honestly all i want#if I can withstand the exhaustion of when i'm most physically ill for more than a minute or two at a time then I can endure it#when i'm compeltely still and laying down which is rlly hard and it hurts like hell and i'm exhausted when it happens#theres nothing in this world like trying to catch your breath while your body is writhing in pain and youre trying not to pass out#i'm just glad on a good day and lots of monitoring i can manage a few hours without any of those#when it was happening once an hour for like hours at a time for months i was in literal hell#the scariest bit is i'm forgetting how it felt to be like normal-ish#like there were days where the most I worried about was like regular stuff like homework#now i'm worried about things like making sure i have a glass of water with me or else i'll die#which sounds absurd but its now my reality its strange how that just becomes real#ive been typing for so long but i don't feel fatigued it really shows how far ive gotten these last few years#last time i wrote this much on a tumblr text post about my illness i was trying to catch my breath the entire time#im kinda happy#ehehe!
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