#theres nothing in this world like trying to catch your breath while your body is writhing in pain and youre trying not to pass out

[cextra-loz]

Today I was able to stand for a new limit of 50 minutes when my physical symptoms are at their most minimal in a controlled environment. So we know 50 is the max now we're trying to reach 1 hour. I feel like I could've reached an hour with how I was feeling but the muscle endurance in my legs wouldn't have let me. I'm reaching a weird stage in my progress where its been so long since my body has had to support my weight for that long the blood pooling in my soles irritates and hurts like hell the days afterwards so now i'm rubbing the my feet like i've worked a hard day to prevent the inflammation from impeding my progress. I feel tho if I can reach that 1 hour limit I can reach longer times with practice. Its been years since i've stood for so long i'm really excited to keep practicing and hopefully keep improving. Last year around this time I was barely reaching 35 maybe 40 if I really really pushed- during my least symptomatic hours. Those extra 10 minutes might not mean much but since the beginning of my illness I never imagined i'd be able to make it to 30 let alone 50. I felt pretty good this session too which is the most important part, I feel like its the lack of muscular stamina that held me back rather than cardiac endurance. Anyway update is over, if I reach that 1 hour time it'll be a happy day I cannot tell how long it'll take me to reach that time but with some more practice I think a few weeks or months at least i'd imagine maybe even sooner. I'm so happy lets go! Dreams do come true at least 4 me ehehe!

[prodbyton]

okay so like WHAT IF anton found out that the reader has NEVER squirted before so like he makes it his life mission to get her to do it but right as it happens, ONE OF THE MEMBERS WALK IT 💀

this is so wild i love it

cw. squirting (duh), member walks in

maybe admitting to anton that you’ve never squirted was a mistake. maybe you wished you had told him sooner. like all things regarding sex that anton discovers through his friends, he is always eager to come home and tell you about it, and eventually try it with you.

when he brings up how eunseok made his girlfriend squirt, you can already tell where this conversation is going. you sigh internally over the boys lack of tmi and need to discuss every detail of their sex lives, but you smile at anton and you tell him that you’ve never squirted before. not every girl is a squirter, and it’s probably not impossible for you do it, but you wouldn’t get too excited over trying to do it.

anton looks at you shocked, but he keeps his composure once you finish talking. you think he’s going to let it go, but in his head he’s just plotting on making you squirt. he thinks you just haven’t been fucked good enough from any of your exes, but anton wanted to be better. so he was determined.

so after that night, every time you and anton had sex he was a bit rougher than usual. he was fucking you in positions that you can feel him deeper in, fingering you before and after he fucks you, and overstimulating you to the point of tears each time. he was starting to give up, he wouldn’t force your body to do something it just simply wouldn’t do, and theres nothing wrong with not being able to squirt, he just thinks it would be so hot and proof that he can fuck you that well.

“harder, toni please” you moan out, the boy fucking you deep but still slow. he went back to fucking you like he usually would, but you had to admit that you enjoyed the roughness that he had with you days prior.

he brings your leg to move over his shoulder, and he presses your other leg down with his other hand before picks up the pace, making sure that each thrust has his hips kissing yours roughly. it makes your moans and whines louder, and antons hand that rested on your leg moves to cover your mouth to drown out your sounds.

“gotta be quiet remember, the boys are here” he slows down just for a moment and you nod, gripping onto his bicep when he speeds up again. the hand over your mouth moves again and you have to bite your lip to keep yourself quiet, especially when antons hand travels down to your lower stomach, pressing down on the flesh. your eyes go wide at the sensation, you can feel him more like this, and you feel your orgasm bubbling up fast.

“don’t stop, please don’t stop” your nails dig deeper into his arm after each thrust, his cock abusing your g-spot. you bring a hand down to your clit, rubbing quick circles on the bud to get closer to your peak. you clench tightly around anton and he groans, trying his best to not cum from how your cunt squeezes him.

“i got you baby, go ahead and cum for me”

right when your vision starts to go dark, you see the light of the hallway shine into the room, along with the faint sound of the bedroom door opening. anton pulls out of you quickly and you moan loudly while your fingers still rub at your clit aggressively, your release gushing out and soaking his sheets and his lower abdomen.

your vision fades in and out while you try to regain full consciousness, and once you catch your breath and blink a few times you look at anton who has a pout on his lips.

“you squirted.”

“huh? oh…” you lift yourself up on your elbows to look down at the mess you made, seeing how wet his sheets were along with the bottom half of his body.

“you squirted and i missed it because wonbin just had to walk in on us,” he pouts some more, and you almost want to laugh at how your boyfriend sulks over not being able to witness you squirt as if it was the most important thing in the world.

“it’s okay baby” you bring your hand up to his face and caress his cheek, comforting him through his loss. although he didn’t lose anything, he reached his goal in the end but he had to live in knowing he didn’t get to see it. it was almost like a light went off in his head, his still hard cock twitching before he laid you back down on his bed. he spread your legs open before aligning himself back into your dripping wet cunt.

“i bet you looked so pretty… gotta make you do it again”

[undressmewithyoureyes]

Let There Be Light - Chapter Twenty Five

               The living room was quiet when you and Ghost reentered. A part of you just wanted to stay in the shower holding onto him in your cold wet clothes. You and him both changed before going downstairs, not wanting to deal with wet clothes chaffing you and the risk of catching a cold.

               Soap jumped off the couch and walked swiftly towards you. His arms outstretched until he collides with you and wraps you tightly in his arms. “You okay?” he asks. Feeling a bit awkward, you discreetly pull away from him.

               “I’m fine Soap. Thank you,” giving him a small smile. Ghost places his palm on your back and gives a gentle push towards the living room. You take a few steps and feel his hand leave your body, but when you cock your head to the side, you see he is there talking to Soap.

               “She going to be alright LT?” Soap asks Ghost. “You think she’s in danger here?”

               “I don’t know Johnny. I’ve thought about that myself”. You tried to tune your ears to hear them better, but it sounded like a bunch of murmuring.

               “Can I have everyone’s attention?” you start out. Your voice a bit shaky – still trying to recover from your disassociating.

               Ghost and Soap look at you and proceed to walk towards you. Everyone else patiently waits.

               You take in a deep breath, “Personally, I feel like we need to lay low for a while”. Price goes to speak, but you hold your hand up to stop him, “I say this because Michael is a determined man. He doesn’t stop until he has what he wants, and he will burn the world down trying. He knows that I know about him, and that Trinity was a whole fucking lie to me. Trust me, I want nothing more than to rip his fucking eyes out of his head and shove them down his throat.”

               Before you could speak, Laswell chimes in, “So what are you proposing Harley?”

               “I don’t think its safe to stay here. I don’t know why; I just have this feeling that he knows where I am. Where we are, and I think it would be best to stay someone else off grid or at a military base that is heavily guarded until we can think of something.” You pause for a second, “One thing I do know, Michael will eventually make himself known. He doesn’t know how to stay quiet forever.” You chuckle to yourself, “The man has an ego he has to uphold.”

               “Do you think he is still going to be in Vegas?” Gaz asks. You look over at him completely forgetting about that.

               “No,” you say flat out. “He’s not going to risk it. He will have someone fill in for him or make some lame ass excuse at to why he cant be there”.

               Soap walks past you and into the living room to sit on the couch, “So what do you think he has in mind?”

               You rub your fingers through your hair, thinking before answering, “I don’t know. I feel like he is going to try and track me down. That would be his first step.”

               Price readjusts himself in the chair, crossing his arms over his chest, “Do you think he knows you went into his computer that night?” Before you could answer, he asked another question, “Do you think he knew it was you the whole time?”

               The question played in your mind over and over, “Theres no way he could have known it was me. My hair is a different color and he –“. Gaz cuts you off. “Harley, he sent another message.”

               Your face goes pale, and the words slip out before you can stop them, “What does it say?” Gaz hadn’t opened the message yet but turns the laptop around so you can open it. Ghost grabs you by your arm and you look back at him, “Are you sure you want to do that?” Worry all over his face.

               “I need to.”

               You finger the mouse pad over to the message and tap twice. “It was your eyes. They have always been beautiful”. You swallow hard and your eyes grow wide. Ghost peers over your shoulder and goes to speak. You quickly hold a finger up to your lips signaling him to be quiet.

               Everyone else looks at you confused. You reach over to Soap and grab a pen that he had on his vest and then grab the yellow envelope on the coffee table. You write ‘He’s listening to us’. You take the laptop from Gaz and turn it around for them to see and hold the envelope with your message up beside the laptop.

               You throw the envelope to the coffee table and hold your finger to your lips signaling them the same thing you did to Ghost. You hand the laptop back to Gaz and squat down to the coffee table – writing something else on the envelope ‘We cant stay here’. You hold it up to everyone. Price nods in agreeance.

               Price step towards you and whispers in your ear, “I know a place”.

               “We need to take another vehicle just in case there is a tracker or bomb on that one,” you whisper back. Price nods and then goes around telling everyone the same thing. Everyone nods and starts making their way upstairs and downstairs to grab the things we need. Price and Laswell whisper to themselves, you assume about getting another vehicle down here to take you all wherever this new place is.

               Ghost meets you upstairs in the bedroom and throws you your duffle bag. You pack your necessities and several changes of clothes. That’s not what you were concerned about – you wanted all the weaponry. You swing the duffle bag over your shoulder and head downstairs – Soap following behind you.

               Soap and you both drop your bags by the front door, and he follows you downstairs. When you reach downstairs, he grabs you by your arm and spins you around to face him, “We’re not going to let anything happen to you,” he says dangerously close to your ear. You don’t say anything back but wrap your arms around him tightly and you feel his arms tightly around you as you whisper out, “I know”.

               You let go of Soap and make your way to the armory – grabbing as many guns, grenades, flash bangs and smoke bombs as possible. You carefully place the guns in duffle bags and then the explosives in a separate duffle. Soap comes up behind you with a smaller duffle bag and you place the throwing knives in there.

               Price makes his way down and sees all the stocked bags on the floor and leans in close to you and Soap, “Where were going, they have plenty of those.” You shrug your shoulders and reply back, “You can never have too many toys Captain.” He looks at you and grins wide.

               “This is why I like you Harley,” Price whispers back at you. You nod your head and smile back. Price grabs the duffle bag with the guns, Soap carefully grabs the ones with the explosives, and they leave you with the small one with the throwing knives.

               You all make your way back up to the main part of the house and put everything at the front door waiting for your next move from Price. Ghost comes down the stairs and over to you – setting his bag down and then hugging you.

               “Are you okay?” he whispers in your ear. You nod your head and look at him with doe-like eyes. His eyes squint and you could tell that he was smiling behind his mask. “Good,” he says as he kisses the top of your forehead. The fabric of his mask brushing your skin.

               Laswell comes over to you and Ghost, “The truck should be here in about fifteen minutes. We can load up there and then head to our destination.”

               “Where are we going?” you quietly ask her.

               “Price has people he knows not too far from here at a base. That’s all I know.” You could tell in her voice that she was nervous. As far as you knew, Laswell didn’t get dirty in the field like you and the rest of the guys did. As far as you knew, she was the person behind the computer calling the shots and collecting intel.

               “I’m going to get me something to drink. Do you want anything?” you ask looking back from Ghost and Laswell. They both shake their heads ‘no’. You turn around and head towards the kitchen. You open the cabinet door by the sink and grab a glass. You walk over to the refrigerator and place the glass under the water dispenser and push.

               You hear a faint knock at the door. “Trucks here,” Price whispers loudly. You remove the glass from the dispenser and take a drink. You hear talking at the door and right before you walked around the corner, you hear Ghost ask, “And how the fuck do you know her?”

               You furrow your brows in confusion and walk around the corner. Ghost and Laswell were blocking your view of the person in the door. It wasn’t until you were parallel with the body in the doorway that your knees became weak and the sound of glass crashing against the floor echoed off the walls in the quiet house.

               Ghost jerked his head towards you and watched all color drain from your face. You grab your chest as you stumble back, not being able to breathe. You flutter your eyes from the excess water – making your vision blurring. You go to speak, but no words came out. Soap catches you as you try to walk forward, but your knees buckle from underneath you. You grip Soaps arm and regain as much composure as you possibly can.

               You take in a deep breath and one word flies out of your mouth, “Dad?”

[lonophobic]

ok, how about this. thoma x male reader angsty fluff, relationship can be ambiguous! read as platonic or something more :)

imagine the post-vision hunt ceremony cutscene where we exit the plane of euthymia and flee with thoma, but with a twist. reader doesn’t regain consciousness until long after, so thoma has to carry him back to komore teahouse.

reader comes to a couple hours later to see thoma and ayaka anxiously waiting for him to wake up. ayaka sees he’s awake and is like “smth smth watatsumi island, resistance and so forth, hurry” and thoma’s like “milady chill let the kid breathe”

so ayaka excuses herself and thoma comforts/holds the reader while they both process everything that happened. nothing brings you closer to someone than shared trauma! reader n thoma spend the night cuddled up like that before reader eventually has to depart for watatsumi island the following morning.

god i just dmdkffjdnskmn i love thoma sm aND NOT IN THE SAME TWISTED WAY YOU LOVE DILUC i want nothing but happiness for our fixer >:(

“i thought i lost you.”

thoma x male reader

tw: passing out, thoma sad, some tears are shed but not much lol, thoma thinks reader might have died, pov mostly focuses on thoma since reader isn’t conscious, can be read as platonic if u want?? idk theres one kiss to the forehead and cuddling but it can be platonic if u want

genre: angst then comfort fluff

requested!

a/n: this made me think of a few things but i threw them away because of you, be thankful /j

!not proofread

—

you remember fighting the raiden shogun after getting back thoma’s vision, but nothing from after that. you saw a glimpse of the euthymia disintegrate, but you had blacked out right after. thoma, when seeing your motionless body, called out for you. paimon flew over to your side, trying to shake you awake, but nothing woke you.

thoma grinded the ropes binding his hands against a spear wedged into the ground, quickly releasing himself and throwing the spear before the raiden shogun could strike her sword. she promptly broke the spear with her sword, the sheer power pushing the two of you back. thoma held you in his arms and quickly fled towards the komore teahouse, paimon rushing beside him. the raiden shogun watched the three figures fade away, the guards running to her side.

“s-shogun… who was that?”

“seize him under the decree.”

she responded immediately, a hint of irritation in her voice.

“next time, i will strike twice.”

~

thoma sprinted to the komore teahouse, holding you in his arms. he took all of the shortcuts he knew, avoiding all the guards on the way. when he arrived, kozue saw his panicked face, and immediately got concerned.

“thoma? are you alright? what happened to him-”

“sorry, kozue! i have to go! i’ll tell you later!”

he sputtered out to avoid his voice catching on his tears. he rushed inside, seeing ayaka waiting for him inside. when she turned around, fear struck her face.

“thoma- traveller? what in the world happened?”

her voice raised in panic, rushing to get a mattress for you to lay down on. she came back with it in her arms, laying it flat on the ground as taroumaru came down from the counter to see what what going on. thoma laid you on the mattress, holding back tears as he and ayaka checked for any wounds. they were quite surprised when they didn’t find any, and ayaka went over to comfort a crying paimon in the corner. taroumaru came over to your face, sniffing and slightly licking before going over to thoma’s side, who was sitting cross-legged with his elbows resting on his knees. thoma brought his hand up to cover the bottom half of his face, trying to stifle his sniffles.

~

when you did wake up, you were no longer on a mattress on the floor. you propped yourself up on your elbows to see you were on a bed, and you looked to the side to see thoma next to the bed on a chair. he seemed to be sleeping, and he looked tired.

“..thoma?”

he jumped awake, and looked to his side to see you awake. he immediately relaxed, moving to hug you tightly as he pressed his lips onto your forehead.

“i thought i lost you.”

you hugged him back, and felt him lean into your touch. you’ve never really seen him so relieved before, he’s usually happy, sure, but not exactly like this. you smiled into his shoulder, shifting so that he could sit comfortably on the bed. the two of you basked in each other’s presence, relaxing as you knew you were safe in his arms. he laid back on the pillows, you laying next to him so you could see his face. he pulled you closer, running his fingers through your hair. you closed your eyes, subconsciously smiling as he hummed a random tune. you felt yourself melt into his touch, sighing softly in content as he rubbed the back of your head. he seemed relaxed as well, hand resting on the side of your back. the two of you slowly drifted off into sleep, holding each other tightly in one another’s arms.

~

ayaka creaked open the door, two glasses of water in her hands. she peeked inside to see thoma and you cuddling together, and let out a gentle giggle. she slowly opened the door, tiptoeing to the bed stand and setting down the two glasses with a small clink against the tabletop. she stared at thoma, sighing as she saw his relaxed state. she was glad that he was back to his normal self now ever since you awoke. she softly walked out the door, closing the door to leave you and thoma to bask in each other’s presence.

—

OMG THIS IS SO BAD IM SO SORRY LMAOAAOA 😭😭

completely forgot to add the ayaka ranting to reader abt watasumi shit whoopies daisies 🧍‍♂️

im like dying i have a project due tmr but im like barely done i need to work on it 🏃‍♂️

[introloves]

anon: okay so i just went through (the entirety) of your bokuto tag and lemme just say, boxer! bokuto??? yeah top tier. you just KNOW that every time he wins he wraps that medal round your neck and makes you watch in the mirror as he uses it to choke you and keep your head up and eyes on his while he absolutely rails you. shit after fights you’d look just as bruised as him.

— boxer! bokuto + marking + choking + pain + possessive! bokuto + overstimulation + size kink + bokuto calls reader ‘puppy’ + cream pie + f! reader

— word count; 2k

— boxerverse! bokuto: one shot no. 2

he’s trembling, high strung with the adrenaline that still hasn’t left him. it’s funny seeing him whine for your attention, someone so big and muscular like him looking absolutely destroyed when you give him a stern look against his kisses.

it’s so very apparent in the way he handles you that hes looking at you to help him come down.

“bo, calm down.” you pant, trying to push his hands away, its a futile attempt to keep his wandering fingers away from your pants. its like he’s magnetized to the waistband of them, digits twitch when you slap them down.

he’s big, strong, a finely tuned machine built for taking hits and giving them back like a bullet but your rejection makes him pout.

there’s a twist of pain in your chest when he gets like this, but he needs to rest.

despite everything, he acts like its just been another day, but it hasn’t even been two hours since his last fight. theres a bruise painting his lip, another one against his brow, red splotches litter his sides and stomach but he shakes your prying hands off thick wrists, fingers hooking into your waistband and pulling them down to your thighs. he looks up at you with the biggest puppy dog eyes ever. waiting for the okay he knows is inevitably going to come.

“fine, but if i see you wince, we’re stopping.” you sigh, smiling at the absolute beam of teeth and curled lips he gives you.

he’s so fast, peeling off every bit of clothing you had worn tonight. he had to have you, needed it like he needed that win.

a win that he already has, now he just needs you.

you cant deny that his excitement isn’t making you wet, he’s like a god above you, vying for your attention and body. he was truly glorious tonight, muscles taut and coiled as he bounced along the white canvas. biceps curled and ready for his opening to land one of his signature right hooks. he takes every hit against his body like it’s nothing, completely unfazed by his opponent. at one point during the match he taunted them, dropping his arms and baring his teeth, just waiting for the fight to truly get good. it makes you squirm, he could be so intimidating, watching like a predator for any opening, any hole in the opponents defense.

your body flushes in memory of watching him land that final hit, he sees the way your thighs squish together. groaning at the thought that your body was responding to his advances, surely knowing by memory how good he fucks you.

your bo always looks so strong and powerful. no matter where he is, whether he’s fighting or when he’s trapping you against those strong arms.

it makes you sigh at the pure determination he’s dripping in, rolling your eyes as he gives you a once over, wiggling his eyebrows at you, torso stretching to reach something from the bedside table, canines flashing as he shows you his newest trophy. its a devious look, proud eyes glinting down at you.

you feel that you can read his mind, about to tell him that, no you won’t fuck him while he’s wearing it, but he lowers it over your head, giving you a bigger smile as the heavy and cold metal lands right between your tits.

“that looks real good on you.” he finally says, abs contracting with the pangs of arousal crawling up his neck. he flinches just a bit at the soreness there, he’s a little more beat up than usual, but hides it well. if there’s anything he needs other than rest, its to fuck you dizzy.

he thinks he might be a total meat head with just how much he likes the image of you wearing something he worked so hard to win, a primal heat licking at the arousal also flaring inside him. you’re really truly his, bokuto can see it in your eyes, regarding him like hes strung the moon up in the sky.

you belong to him, just as he does you. just like that shiny medal you’re wearing.

the bed creaks under his weight when he leans down to kiss you, hand grabbing your face, keeping you right where he wants you. tongue immediately slipping past your lips, pulling a cute whine. he’s sloppy with it, teeth bumping against your own, spit trailing down the corner of both your mouths. when he pulls away, your eyes cross to watch the string of spit connecting the both of you.

he swipes his tongue out and catches it, mumbling something when he sees you reach for him.

“sit back.” you realize he says a little late, snapped out of the haze by the gentle tap of his index finger against your cheek.

koutarou makes a show to peel the rash guard he was wearing under his shorts off. his creamy, muscled thighs finally grace your vision. it makes your body temperature rise several degrees at once, the hot flash only encouraged when you see his dick lying pretty against his thigh. you reach for him, but the advance is stopped by his hands, he doesnt say anything but grips your wrists a little tighter.

your gaze moves from his purpled knuckles up to his eyes, the amber there looks just a tad bit cooler and you immediately know it’s going to be a bad day for you tomorrow.

“want you on your tummy.” bokuto states, and you listen.

waiting for his hands to grip your hips, but he lags just a little. turning your head to look at him you ask if everything’s okay,

“you remember our safe word?” he inquires, and you nod, blanching just a little. his words send a prickle of fear down your spine, you suddenly feel very vulnerable and exposed.

“well, what is it?”

bokutos hand comes down to grip your shoulder, huffing against your ear. theres a small pull there, bringing your shoulders back to meet him halfway.

“j-juice.”

he’s right there, waiting for the last syllable to leave your lips, poking the head of his dick against your cunt. it leaves you breathless, smooth, velvet skin leaving a wet trail of precum right on your clit.

it makes you exhale out a high pitched keen, unable to stop it from tumbling out a little louder than expected.

the whine has him purring, humming out a, “good girl.”

there’s nothing in the world that you can compare the way he splits you open. the first stroke is always careful, makes sure youre nice and relaxed, wet enough to take him. you always are of course, how could you not with the way he holds you, pulling you back by your shoulders, making your back bend as much as it can, the twist of your body like that makes for a real tight squeeze, feels like the already limited room inside your cunt is cut back to an absolute zero.

it should hurt, but you’ve taken him enough that hes practically carved the shape of him into your pussy.

he has you nice and compliant under his hands, head thrown back to leave the most fucked out sounds of pure ecstasy rattle through your lungs and into the room.

he can feel the chemistry, something akin to electricity, between the two of you. if he could form into words what its like when you lean agasint him, completely trusting him to take care of you, to make you feel good, he’d fill a book up- and pocket it to reread over and over.

bokuto releases you, letting your shoulders fall forward gently before reaching around and pulling the, now, warm metal from between your body and the bed.

it catches you by surprise when he gives it a tug, the silk cutting into your prominent veins, making you go weak and dizzy.

if you couldn’t think or talk before he was doing this, you definitely weren’t going to be able to while he was.

your hands find the pillows above you for leverage, biting down onto your lip when he begins a brutal pace against your hips. hes pinned you down onto the bed with his mass, not even letting you arch your hips to give him better access to your cunt.

“ghh, kou- kou feels good.” you cry, taking an index finger into your mouth to bite, theres not a spot on your body where you dont feel him, so big above you, you can feel the press of his dick in your throat.

“i know it does puppy.” he grits out, still biting back the pain that each brutal contact against your body brings him. hes got the stamina, the sweat hes broken out thus far isnt too bad, but the position and the way hes taking you- hand still holding onto that precious medal- is taking a toll on him.

he knows he needs to make you cum fast.

and knowing his sweet baby, the way to do that is to rough you up just a bit. it’s real endearing.

the silk burns just a little when he shifts behind you, making sure to keep a good grip on it- you dont connect the dots of what hes preparing to do, not until he pulls back.

you’re mid scream before he cuts you off, tears forming in your eyes against the rasp and wheeze of your breathing. the tension around your throat isnt forceful enough to cut your oxygen off completely, it just leaves you wheezing and gives you a nice haze to your vision.

you’ve tensed up completely, knees locking, hands gripping the pillow above you for dear life.

the reaction from you makes him shake, you can feel the stutter of his hips, hearing the high whine leave his throat, he powers through it. he clashes his teeth together and snarls, blinking back stars when he speeds up.

“c’mon, cum. cum for me, puppy.” bokuto grunts.

its not like you to not listen, as soon as his words leave his mouth, you’re closing your eyes.

you’ve gone limp for a second, and bokuto truly fears that hes overdone it, he drops the grip he has on his trophy, about to stop everything, but then your tremors start.

your legs, still pinned down between his own, shake. he sees your cute little hands slap the pillow and swallows deeply. you’re silent- but he can hear the echoes of moans that want to leave your throat thanks to your open mouth and head that’s thrown back. it takes you two seconds before you seem to flicker back to life,

“ghhhh, hhhh! koutarou, kou!” his name is the first coherent thing that leaves your mouth, and he swears there’s nothing better. he cant compare you to winning a match, knocking out his opponent in a KO- because seeing you like this, hearing you scream his name like that would win every time.

he’d like to comment on how eagerly you’re milking his cock, but the pulsing of your cunt around his fat, big dick does him in.

there’s no time to pull out, wasn’t planning on it anyways, but the squeezing of you againts him, leaking your cum down to the base of him, wetting his pubes with you, also leaves no room for it.

it’s obscene, the squelching sounds of his pistoning, cumming cock, creaming your insides white, all the while pushing it out of your cunt with every thrust.

it splatters against your ass and his thighs, white globs of it stick against the two of you while he rides out the throbbing. there’s nothing more satisfying than filling you up, a deep tingle nipping at the base of his skull when he thinks about his cum kept warm in your cunt.

this is what finally tires him out. the tremor and twitching of his strong arms visible when he reaches down and pulls his limp dick from you, he saves you the pain of his weight crushing against your already fragile body by plopping down beside you, you jump up on the bed with the force of his weight collapsing beside you.

the sticky heat is no match for his eagerness to hold you after it all. you slot against his front easily, almost completely dwarfed by his frame.

“‘re you proud ‘fme.” he slurs against your neck, trapping his thigh between your legs. he shivers when he feels the mess of his own cum smear absolutely everywhere.

your hand comes down to rest over his arms, protectively secured around your torso.

“always. i love you so much.” you whisper back, voice just a tiny bit raspy and sore.

“mm, loveyoumore.”

he’s out before you can count to ten, hearing you say that puts a smile on his face while his breathing evens out behind you.

you take the lightest of touches to the bruises on his knuckles, your koutarou truly was something else. while he sought out your validation, you basked in the glory and security of someone as grand as him holding you tight.

[burnedbyshoto]

all tied up

— Sero’s not an easy guy to fluster, but when he’s trapped in his own quirk, his embarrassment bleeds through when he finds out that he likes it.

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pairing: sero hanta x fem!reader

warnings: smut, 18+, characters are adults, pwp, dom!reader, sub!sero, rimming (giving), handjob, tape bondage, humiliation

word count: 2,002

a/n: and so, kinktober begins. all in all, this is a slow start on my own end. idk, I just am trying to approach this challenge different this year. theres going to be a lot of 2k pwp fics, and then a good handful of 10k plotlines with smut! to my fellow writers, good luck with your kinktober endeavors, and to you readers, comment on all the fics you read! have fun :D if you don’t want my kinktober fics, blacklist bbs kinktober 2020

main kink: bondage

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When heroes became professional heroes, some people thought that they stopped training -- stopped placing themselves into theoretical situations and simulations to see how they would fare. As a matter of fact, that was not true.

Sero was more than aware of this truth. Especially as he currently was nearly encased in his own cellophane tape in his attempt to combat a virtual villain with a whirlwind quirk. 

He struggled against the tape that managed to bind his arms tight against his side, and his knees locked together. It shouldn’t have taken him that long to unravel himself from his own tape, having been with it for the majority of his life, Sero knew how to escape his own clutches (the tape was also a lot less likely to stick onto him), but he was in a predicament. 

The tape was just a bit too tight.

The feeling of it digging into his skin, his wrists and ankles bound just right sent pumping blood straight to his cock. Not to mention, whenever he shifted his hips, his cock would rub just directly against the matted floor, sending his cheeks into a small puff, desperately hoping to not make a single whimper. It took nothing more than a few seconds for his cheeks to be flushed, and his brow sweating with his horror of how he was seconds from rutting into the floor to relieve his growing cock.

The mat under his chin was cold, the gym’s ac just a tad bit too strong, and for a moment, he decided that since you collapsed in front of him, eyes closed, not moving save your breathing chest… it wouldn’t hurt to move... right? 

Sighing softly, Sero averted his gaze from you, a bit too embarrassed to look at your relaxed posture while dry humping the floor. One thrust, two, he stopped, glancing at you quickly to see that you had rolled to your side, your back towards him. With a strained sigh of relief, Sero continued his rutting, already knowing that his cock was too hard, too tight in his gym sweats to go ignored once you would help him out of his trap. His sweats, thankfully, were a dark color, something that could conceal the leaking precum from his tip until he managed to shower. But as he took another serotonin releasing rut of his hips against the pleasantly warm mat, he heard you sit up.

Oh no.

It was only then that Sero became deadly aware of how wide his eyes were, the gaping of his mouth, and the wine red of his cheeks. His breathing became erratic as he met your glistening, bright eyes.

The world seamlessly froze, and Sero couldn’t think as you stood up, the smirk on your face growing wider as you sauntered behind him. Your footsteps light on the matted floor, and your quiet giggles vibrating deep within his core.

“Oh, wow!” Sero shuddered when your bright and deadly teasing voice broke through from behind him, a location he was refusing to look at for his own humility. “Did I catch you at a bad time, sweetheart?”

A bad time? Sero thought, his throat running dry. He had no idea if you meant about him being caught up or him rutting against the dirty, sweaty gym mats.

“Actually, I was just getting comfortable, these mats are quite nice,” Sero responded back as smoothly and detached as possible. His shoulders attempting to shrug nonchalantly, but he winced when his arms scuffled against the dry mat.

“Didja need some help?” you ask, hand pressing against the small of his back in a ready attempt to push him over, but it did something incomprehensible to the black-haired man on the floor. The feeling of your warm fingers and radiating palm pressing to the small of his back, the feather-soft linger of your fingers sent him through a loop.

Maybe it was because of the humiliation coursing through his veins, or the way that his tape really did serve as good bondage (something he had been less than willing to accept despite your constant approval). Still, a soft, deep moan reverberated from his mouth, vibrating through his body with such depth that the way you yanked your hand from his lower back almost made him pout.

“Hanta!” you whispered, and Sero threw his forehead against the floor in his growing horny aggravation. “Are you dry humping the sweaty gym mat?!”

It seemed your amusement came from the latter of the two previous options.

“Y/n, please keep your voice down!” Sero bemoaned, his cock refusing to come down despite the horror he was experiencing in real life. Whoever said that focusing on the worst thing in the world while hard definitely did not expect situations like this to be involved.

“Okay, okay, I will,” you whisper, planting your feet centimeters before his face before squatting down, your eyes falling onto his shamefully averted ones. “Are you sure you don’t want any help?” you ask again.

“Nah, I’m good,” Sero lies, a flushed faux smile on his face. “Don’t worry, I’ll be out of this before you even realize it!”

You hum in acknowledgment, and Sero isn’t sure if he feels better or worse when you stand up, moving out of the way of his line of vision, and his cock throbs in his denial while he squirms to figure out where you went. But he regretted shifting his body, his cock carding just so perfectly against the crease of the matted floor, sending a rushing wave of dizziness through his head.

Holy fuck, why did that feel so good?!

Sero swallowed a moan, the tension of the tape on his wrists and thighs tugging just the slightest bit deeper into his skin, an action due to his ministrations. But, it was a soft touch against his ass that nearly sent him flipping over; his mind had forgotten the fact that you were still there.

“B-Babe!” Sero choked, your once feather-light touches growing heavier, hotter, intentional. “What are you doing?!”

“I never knew how good you looked all tied up,” came a soft reply, your voice so soft and sweet that Sero almost felt as if he was showing off a fancy new outfit and not being BDSM’d up in the training ground with his long time girlfriend hornily grabbing him. “If this is how I look, fuck… it all makes sense now.”

“We’re in the gym,” Sero pants, his eyes closing as he almost melts against your softly massaging fingers. Your fingertips oh so intentful against his lean built muscles, and Sero feels a heartbeat in his cock, a reminder that yes, he was enjoying this. “Who knows who’s ar -- oh fuck -- around!”

“Let them watch,” he felt you murmur against his neck, your fingers slipping to the waistband of his sweats and pulling on them so that he was on his knees, chest on the ground, ass up. “I know you don’t care.”

Sero hissed at the feeling of cold air against his hot cock, and throbbing balls. His eyes desperately looking through the corner of his eyes to find yours, but he saw nothing. 

He saw nothing, but good god could he feel every little thing you were doing. 

Your lips trailed down the spine of his back, your tongue on occasion peaking out to feel cool against his sweating hot back. But the breathiest of moans, the slickest of cries came when he felt your fingers grab onto his ass, pressing the cheeks aside in two tight holds and the soft, cold breath passing past your lips onto his quivering, pink hole.

“Y-Y/n!” Sero gasped, the rim of his ass squeezing in his humiliation and arousal of being so exposed in the empty gym, but he saw stars. His cock twitching, dripping with precum as he could imagine your tongue pressing against his rim, digging into the tight hole despite it all, making his ass buck backward against your wet muscle. 

But it was not in the cards right now.

Sero nearly collapsed when your warm, slick lips pressed by your fingers, kissing every piece of exposed skin except where he wanted you most.

“Your asshole is so fucking cute,” he heard you giggle, the teasing cool breathes fanning against his hole, making him whine with greater need. “I haven’t eaten your ass in a while, have I? And look at you, pathetically clenching for my tongue that hasn’t even touched you yet.”

“Please!” Sero gasped, his teeth burying into his lower lip when your right-hand lets go of his ass. And he convulses when your fingertip presses against his tight muscle, not pushing past the opening, but just enough for Sero to choke on his tongue. “Fuck, y/n, baby, please!!”

“Only because you sound so, so desperate~.”

Sero’s vision went white when your tongue finally pressed against his rim, your hot, wet tongue swirling and edging into the tight muscle, yet never intruding. The solid moans, the whines emitted from his mouth, seemed to echo in the empty gym. He moves his ass back, seeking complete penetration from your tongue, his stomach fluttering, balls tightening when the tip of your tongue protrudes through his tight hole.

There was, however, nothing to warn him when your tongue completely pressed into him, moving and swirling inside him. The arm that wrapped around his stomach moving downward to hold onto his throbbing, completely ignored cock.

Sero howled into the mat at the feeling of your tongue curling within him, and your hand moving up and down his cock, fingernails trailing against his risen veins, finger pinching at his leaking head. There was no helping the shooting cum that came out of his cock in thick, hot ropes as you continued to move your hand up and down his length, tongue continuing to fuck him as he sobs your name. 

The pressure of his balls returns nearly immediately, Sero choking on his spit when your free hand presses a lone finger into his hole, the saliva on your tongue provides enough lube that the entrance of your finger does nothing but make him weak in the knees. The smirk on your face is pressed against his ass when you immediately find his sweet spot, your finger stroking his prostate as your mouth moves down to suck on his balls.

Hand around his cock.

Mouth sucking on his balls.

Fingers stroking his prostate.

Sero came again before he could even give a breathy gasp that he was gonna cum.

He slumped down onto the floor, spit making his ass slick, and cock throbbing with overstimulation,

“You looked fucking hot, Hanta,” he heard you whisper, teeth nibbling onto his ear. “I can’t wait to get you home and fuck you all night.”

It was safe to say that Sero particularly enjoyed the strap that night.

[alreadyblondenow]

Mark, this is how we broke up

idol!Mark Lee x reader // SMUT, FLUFF, ANGST (?) Summary: She taught him how to fuck but there’s so much more going on in their relationship. Word Count: 6k Warnings: Sex, Sex, Sex, actual sex and mentions of sex, filthy, mentions of rough sex, mentions of forced sex, emotionally unstable Mark, slightly addicted to sex, Mentions of other idols, mentions of birth control side effects, mentions of pregnancy, unprotected sex and protected sex, cursing, mature or at least trying to be Note: inspired by the recent breakup that I had. There’s no way that this ‘might’ be true. We all know Mark is a nice boy. If you’re not okay with any of the warning please click away.

“Ohh- Mark! Right there!”

“Right here? Hmm?” Mark puts more pressure on her clit and eventually pinches it to make her sensitive. Her legs closed and she received a juicy smack on her ass, “Why are you closing your legs? Don’t you like what I’m doing, huh?” his mouth is near her ear, every heavy breath, groan or moan from him goes directly to her ear and straight to her pussy.

With all the energy she still have, she praises Mark while he continues to fuck her senseless. Both of his hands are on the side of her head, having a full view of Mark’s ethereal visuals. Blonde sex hair flowing as he moves back and forth, his thin silver necklace dangling on his neck, his face completely contorted as he fucks her good.

Mark leans on her to suck on her boobs putting her completely on edge and is about to have a great orgasm. Mouth formed an ‘o’ shape, her hands raking Mark’s arms as she ask him to “please stop” but Mark will only stop when he wants to. Because of her high pitch moan and sharp exhales, Mark knew she had a great orgasm which feeds his pride more.

Gritting his teeth, he lifted his hips and gave her sharp quick thrusts while she’s still sensitive from her previous orgasms. “Hold on just a bit, I’m almost there” he whispers. He fucks the girl like he’s proving something, catching his own release and making the girl beneath him cry from over stimulation. He groaned a little too loud, but he doesn’t care. It’s his own damn apartment.

Removing his cock inside her throbbing hole, Mark rolls to the side and discarded the condom, throwing it to the trash near his bed. He watches the girl shiver beside him, closing her legs tight to ease the sensitivity. With one touch of Mark’s cold fingers on her shoulder, the girl let out a whine. “Relax, I’m just helping you calm down and cover your body” he said as he covers the girl with his thick blue sheets.

Head resting on the headboard with both of his hands pillowing his head, the room was cold and quiet as Mark lay beside her naked with a soft cock. “I’m a hooker but, you’re something- there’s something to the way you fuck” she started a conversation after calming down. “It’s getting late, I’ll call you a cab” he avoids the subject politely.

After the hooker left, Mark feels lonely again in his big apartment. Thinking about what the hooker told him earlier. It made him have flashbacks he didn’t want to have. He’s lonely enough right now, he can’t afford to think about you. But it’s too late. He’s now swimming to the happy memories he had with you, trying so hard not to think about how he ruined a once in a lifetime relationship and just focused on how your smile gives warmth to his heart.

“I miss you, y/n” he murmurs before he drifts into sleep, hoping to dream about you.

FOUR YEARS AGO

You’re starting your new life in Korea with a job at one of the country’s biggest company, SM Entertainment as part of NCT’s creative team specifically on fashion deparment. The job was stressful and tiring but theres nothing you could not handle, you love what you do. Working for NCT made you love the members like your own brother, all except for one member. Mark Lee.

It all started when you realised that Mark is not a boy anymore but a man who wants to gain experience with mature stuff. You and Mark eye each other during music video and vlog shoots and you both grew fondly, sneakily hold hands under the table during company dinners, texting and calling nonstop when you don’t see each other for weeks.

Mark has always been sweet to you and he’s not ashamed to show you how he feels. One time they used flowers as props for the shoot and Mark secretly put a flower near your stuff with a note, “You did well today.” He bought Starbucks drinks for all the staffs so he could give you your favorite drink freely and without hiding, “Noona, this is for you. Fighting for today.” Whenever other members are flirting with you, he will stop the members from bugging you and tell them, “Noona already has a boyfriend, don’t bother flirting” and it always makes you blush how Mark is so overprotective.

You and Mark became more than friends but less than lovers for almost half a year. And Mark’s constant want to make you feel love pushed him to ask you out officially. Taking you on private dates around Seoul, making time for you and letting the members and his manager know about your relationship.

Since you’re Mark’s first girlfriend, he’s not a perfect boyfriend. At least not yet. He always picks up a fight with you, decides recklessly when it comes to your relationship, and he’s moving so fast. “I’m just saying that if we start living together, we will fight less and we can have more time together” he said as he argues to you on the phone.

You don’t answer him because it’s useless, he will somehow get what he wants because he has the money, and you love him. Mark let out sharp exhale on the phone, “Okay I’m sorry. I’m being childish again. I’ll stop by at your apartment after dance practice. I love you”

He arrived at 11pm in your apartment with his manager. “Take care of him y/n, he has a headache. A bad one. Overworked I guess” his manager said before leaving you and Mark. Your boyfriend kiss you on the lips and greeted you, “Hi” weak and sleepy, Mark hugged you tight.

While watching him eat dinner he tells you everything about his day at work, how he’s preparing for three comebacks these past few months and he needs to finish writing four songs in two weeks. “Good thing I have you by the end of the day, right?” he said after finishing his meal. You hand him some painkillers for his headache, “Yes. Now, come to bed with me. No more working please, Mark. Even the best people in the world rest at night” realising that you’re right, he nods and let you take him to your bedroom.

“What will I do without you” he whispers to you before going to sleep with you.

The thing is, many people don’t know that Mark is actually vulnerable and emotionally unstable. Sometimes he’s not confident with his songs and he needs you to help him write because he only trusts what you say. If you say this phrase is good, or you honestly don’t like the words in this song he will take your word from it. That’s how much he depends on you. And sometimes, it puts you in a hard position because Mark is depending on you all the time is a heavy responsibility.  

It’s like he really can’t get everything done without you or without your opinion. It’s not that he doesn’t trust the other members, it just so happens that your opinion matters above anything else.

Mark may be too sweet and gentle most of the time, but he’s horny for you. Really horny. Whenever you’re alone with him in your apartment he always initiates having sex and you always say no and he respects that. You’re definitely not a virgin anymore and you have way too much experience, but Mark doesn’t. It’s not a problem of course, but you just wan’t to take it slow. Wait for the perfect time to finally have sex.

Mark being the virgin in this relationship and the one who lacks experience, he tries so hard to ruin his innocence before the day you two finally have sex. Watching tons of porn and take notes to some stuff he can do with you, working out more so he can at least look good in bed.

Sure you’ve done other stuff together, from making out wherever and whenever to giving oral to each other in the morning or before you both go to sleep. Back when Mark saw you  half naked in bed for the first time he didn’t know how to touch you, you used to teach him how to properly touch you in the way you like to be touched by your boyfriend. Now, he’s the one surprising you in bed whenever your legs are widely spread for him and his head is in between you eating your pussy like there’s no tomorrow.

After dating for nine months, Mark convinced you to live together as your birthday gift to him. “Please, you know how much I want live with you” he pout in front of you while you take his body measurements for a new stage costume. He worked hard last year and he bought himself his first own apartment and he told you he wanted to share it with you. How can you refuse that kind of offer when he’s trying so hard to be a part of your life, forever.

You moved in with Mark and you filled his apartment with happy memories, never ending laughter and giggles because he’s a funny guy. The kitchen became a learning place for him because you teach him how to cook almost everyday and he’s doing great. Peaceful mornings are both your favorite, it makes him feel like a normal person who cooks breakfast for you and waking up with his girlfriend in his arms is something not normal for an idol.

“This place is our safe place, only for us. No fan service for me, no boss for you to please. Just Mark and Y/n.”

Lately work is not giving you a hard time and so does Mark. You two always go home together, spend more time together, and finally had the perfect time to be more intimate. It’s been like this for almost a week already, It’s a Friday night and after having dinner and taking a warm bath before bed, you and Mark found each other in the middle of bed cuddling. Hands intertwined and legs all tangled up.

“What if I tell you, we could finally have sex tonight?” you asked him. Ruffling his damped hair from his hot shower.

“I’d say, ‘tsk. don’t tease me’” he said with a small smile in his face. His breath touches your cheeks because you’re too close with each other.

“No, seriously we can”

He pull away from your embrace, just a little to look at your face if you’re serious. “Scratch that, I’d say ‘what’s gotten into you?’” he dives in for a slow kiss, cupping your face with one hand while the other is still intertwined with yours.

Seeing you unbutton your sleepwear made him realise that you’re serious. He kissed you more and removes his shirt and sweat pants leaving him with only his boxer briefs. You on the other hand is exposed wearing only your white panties.

Feeling excited and a bit nervous, Mark slowly crawled in between your legs and he looks handsome than ever. It’s not your first time but you feel like a virgin again, that untouched seventeen year old. Mark smiled at you before he removes your panties, watching his own hands slide your underwear down.

He came close to you just beside your ear giggling like a little boy, “I’m nervous” he said and proceeds to kiss your neck. It seems like he knew exactly what he was doing, but you can’t blame him for being honest. “I’ll be vocal as possible” he hums in approval and continues to kiss every inch of your body.

He managed to remove his boxer briefs while licking your wet pussy, your eyes are closed and your hands are tugging his soft hair. Moaning his name whenever his tongue hits a good spot, putting more pressure and intensity bringing you to your first orgasm. Mark became really good at giving you oral you thought.

“I think you’re ready” he whispered as he grabs the condom on the drawer beside the bed. While you watch him roll the condom on his cock, your heart skipped a beat when he faced you and hold your legs open. The next thing you know, he’s slamming his dick in your pussy making you shout and jolt your hips beneath him, “Ah! Easy- baby, Im not going anywhere!”

The whole time you were having sex, he was not minding about your pleasure. He was so focused on his own sweet release and he can see that you’re not liking it but you let him continue.

Given that it’s Mark’s first time, the first round didn’t go well. “Do you want me to takeover?” you feel bad about it, but to be honest you wan’t Mark to never forget this night the night he losses his virginity. He hugs you tight while he’s on top of you feeling really ashamed of what he just did.

“There’s no need to feel shy baby. We have all night and a lot of days to have great sex. Come on, I’ll ride you” he’s still not moving and still hugging you tight, caressing your hair and enjoying your warm body beneath him.

“Okay baby, I need to breath. You’re heavy ugh-“ you tricked him and he didn’t have a choice but to pull away. You laughed and switched positions, putting your legs on both sides of his hips wetting his cock with you wet pussy. He felt your pussy raw for the first time and he loves it, holding your hips and as you slowly grind on top of him. “I got you” you leaned forward to give him a peck on on the lips.

His right arm swings to his head, as if he can’t believe what’s happening. Moaning your name so deliciously, “Oh, it feels good” he said with an airy tone. His mouth is open the whole time you were grinding on his cock, stopping himself from cumming too early. You grabbed a new condom on the drawer, and rolled it on his hard cock.

“Now put inside me” you said oh so sexily. With shaking hands, he lines his cock to your cunt and he watched how your pussy swallow his thick cock and let out a soft ‘fuck’ when it fully disappeared. You smile on top of him as you wait for yourself to get used from the stretch before moving. Both of your hands are on his chest as you watch him moan and move his head from side to side while you clench and unclench your pussy.

“I’m not going to last long if you keep doing that” he voiced out, you only let out a small chuckle.

“Try to stop cumming so early and enjoy it, Mark” you finally move your hips, grinding slowly, fucking him like how he deserves to be fucked. Mark’s hands grips on your hips so tightly the whole time you were fucking him slowly, making sure he won’t forget this moment. He’s peeking from his lashes, trying to get a look at you while you fuck him for the first time in his life.

“I’m glad you’re my first fuck” he said, trying to smile at you with hooded eyes, head rolled back to the pillows on his head and looking so fucking hot as he enjoys the pleasure you’re giving right now.

When you’ve had enough of slow fucking him, you tighten you grip on his shoulder and doubled your pace. Making you both moan each other’s name, his cock is finally making you feel good. You feel Mark’s cock twitch inside you and leaned closer to him, kissing him passionately as you bring him to edge.

To your surprise he bit your lower lip when he finally reached his climax with mouth open, eyes closed and brows furrowed. You smiled beneath him as you watch him cum and shiver, his hands still gripping both of your ass cheeks.

As he slowly open his eyes, he gave you a sweet smile and his tight grip became soft touches around your back. You flop on top of him as he caress your hair again. “How’s that for our first time?” you asked him, still weak from his orgasm.

“I still feel bad because I can’t fuck you good though” he said, but he looks happy now. You switched positions again so he could have the honour of pulling out after having a mind blowing orgasm. Slowly pulling out his dick, Mark watched your pussy stretched while he pull out. Kissing it like it’s your lips and apologising for not making you cum using his dick, on your first night having sex.

“Thank you for this. I mean, I should be the one making it special for you. But I failed and like, I really feel bad about it but like, I don’t know. Somehow it went wrong” he pulls the thick sheets to cover your naked bodies and lay beside you. Keeping you close and admiring your beautiful face.

“It’s not like you didn’t tried making me feel good, baby. You made me feel good too, I wouldn’t be wet the entire time if-“ in the middle of your explanation he put a finger on your slit and checked if you’re telling the truth and if you’re still good to go for another round. “you startled me” you said, enjoying the way his fingers move slowly.

“Want to give me a second chance?”

Without hesitation, you nod your head and kissed Mark sloppily. Mark is a fast learner, you didn’t know but the whole time you were fucking him earlier he was observing how you want things. He found out that he should take things slow, entering your tight pussy and looking directly in your eyes this time, “Mark, how did you know I’m in love with your eyes? Ah! fuck!” his hips moves slow and it feels way better than the first and second time.

The third round made Mark a little confident on fucking you, he made you moan his name, grip his shoulder, close your eyes and open your mouth as you ask for more. He was asking you how can he make you feel better even though you’re already batshit losing your mind on how good he feels inside you.

‘How fast do you want me to go? Hmm?’ ‘Baby, can I bite your nipples?’ ‘Clench all you want baby, I won’t cum before you do I promise’ ‘Want me to kiss you here? Okay’

‘What? You want another round after this? Me too’

“I love you” he whispered while thrusting with a steady pace that you specifically asked. Kissing you while he wait for a response. He chuckled and felt proud when he saw you smile and out of words. Finally, he made you cum using his dick, with a little help of his fingers putting on your clit.

Feeling so accomplished before he finally sleep after using all five condoms that he have. He hugged you tight and whispered how in love he is with you but you’re already sleeping. Kissing you good night as you don’t know how happy Mark Lee is.

After that unforgettable night, you and Mark have sex almost everyday and just as you expected he became more confident in bed and even more sexier as each day passes. Sometimes he can be a little bit more filthier and rougher in bed, like that one time when he spits on your pussy, putting back your panties on and fucked you good wearing those ruined panties.

And that one time when he was so tired from practice, he fucked you really rough that night. Skipping foreplay and slamming his hard cock inside your dry pussy, “Mark! I’m not yet ready” you said as you try pushing his body away from you but he said, “I don’t care” in the most sexiest way ever and it turned you on. He apologised later after that night and he never did it again, because he knew it was wrong. But you said you liked it and it was pretty hot.

The members noticed Mark’s glow whenever you two had a great fuck from the night before and they always tease him for not being a baby anymore. His experience with sex made him write more songs about it. About you. Which the managers loved without a doubt and because of that Mark goes home to you every night with a big smile. Tired but happy.

You stopped using condoms when you finally took birth control shots. Having sex without a condom is new to Mark but this time, everything went well. You completely can’t get enough of each other, you passed out that night from too much fucking.

During his back to back to back comebacks and preparations with NCT 127 and SuperM, you both had busy schedules and stressful days because of work. And he comes home tired, sometimes frustrated and mad. You had sex more often because of stress and usually Mark is the one asking for it. Day and night, before you both leave for work and at night before you sleep.

If theres peace, chaos will somehow enter your lives. The side effects of the birth control shots was ten times harder than taking a normal birth control pill and it’s causing the fight in your relationship most of the time. Whenever Mark wants to have sex but you don’t because you don’t feel well due to the side effects, he sometimes make his way to you and convince you eventually. “You won’t move, I promise to do all the work” but the sex itself makes you sick even more.

You wanted to stop taking the birth control shot but Mark insist, telling you that it’s much safer than condoms. The thought of Mark getting you pregnant would brought chaos to the world, both of your careers would be ruined plus neither one of you is ready to be a parent. So you did it for Mark, you continued taking the birth control shot even though you really don’t want to.  

He’s not always like this, he’s only an asshole whenever he’s really really stressed at work which happens thrice a week, and the fight will usually last a week long. This happened during the preparation for Kick It era and Punch era and SM were making you both work like crazy.

Sometimes Mark sleeps at the dorms after yelling at you and picking a fight with you, “I make time so we could spend quality time together but you always make me feel like shit by refusing to make love and spend time with me. I don’t get you anymore!”

And sometimes you force yourself to work overtime just so you could forget the fight and have a breather. “Stay mad all you want, I don’t care I have work to do”

Most of the time it’s always job over the relationship and you notice Mark’s slight addiction on having sex with you. Not that he became a sex addict, no. Maybe he’s just really stress and he depends to you a lot, that’s why.

Even though the red flags were all bright and waving, you just brush it off and still stay with Mark. But one time you tried telling it to him, and he didn’t take it well. Anger clouded his mind, “Just tell me to stop having sex with you and stop accusing me.” It hurts when Mark doesn’t listen to what you feel and seeing him leave for practice without even looking to you straight up makes your heart ache.

When you didn’t come home because of work one night and Mark stayed up late waiting for you, the thought of you not living with him anymore and you leaving him in general scared the shit out of him. He went back to SM building to apologise, only to find you sleeping soundly in a small couch, curled up to an uncomfortable position but you’re tired already.

“Baby” he woke you in the most quiet way possible not wanting your officemates to wake up and see him. Thankfully your sleep was not that deep and you heard Mark’s whispers, “Mark?” you whisper back.

“Come home, please?” you came home with him without hesitation, scared that the other employees might see him if he stayed longer in public with you.

Mark always find a way to talk it out and make amends. He will need you and you will always understand him and everything will be peaceful for a few days or if you get lucky, weeks. But life will always find a way to make you two fight and make up, and do it over and over again. Breaking up was never a solution, Mark knew that all too well. He can’t live without you.

Sex feels good again lately and you haven’t fought for over three weeks already. He’s been incredibly sweet and caring, taking you out on dates and helping you with work whenever he can. Honestly you’ve been pretty worried about him, he’s been having anxiety and worries about his songs lately. Even questioning his own profession, ‘What if being an idol is not for me? Like, what if I have a different calling that’s why I suck at what I do now?” Mark throwing you questions like this makes you love him harder. Pouring every support you can give to him and stretch your patience more for him. His mental health becomes more and more unstable and it went on like this for roughly half a year already.

The past few months were quiet as if peace has taken over your lives again. Mornings became more peaceful and Mark makes love with you instead of just having sex for the sake of stress release. Kick It and Punch were both successful, now you’re both enjoying your long awaited rest eating watermelons in bed. Even though you’re both aware about Mark’s unstable mental state, life can still be sweet and beautiful because of the love you share.

“I’d trade any moment for peaceful times like this with you” he said, “our second year anniversary is coming” he scrunched his nose in front of you while munching. “I have the best gift for you and you won’t guess it this time” he speaks proud and you smirk at him, feeling excited about it. “I don’t want anything in this world. Just never leave me” he added.

Rest days are always your favorite because you two can stay in bed the whole day, watch Netflix, sing in the shower together for almost two hours, dates around Seoul, shopping together, have lazy sex, have filthy sex. In other words, no calls from work or idol schedules for Mark.

“Are you trying to get me pregnant?” you giggle as you brush Mark’s hair away from his face. Feeling his soft skin against yours, touching his muscles while you come down from your high.

“Maybe” kiss, “what if I am?” kiss, “I miss having fun like this in bed with you” kiss. Mark is siting in bed with you on top of him, sitting on his lap. His head in resting on the head board, arms around your body. He has a full view of your boobs and your glowing face.

“You know I like seeing you cum on top of me” you hum in approval, “three more rounds? What do you say?” he waits for your answer, not forcing you this time. Making sure he won’t do what he did from the past that made you hate him and cry in bed. Mark almost lost you that night.

Of course you want three more rounds in bed with Mark. “That’s my girl” he licks the valley between your boobs, hugging you close as you use his cock inside you for your own sweet release. Arms around his neck, you push him closer to your chest as he bites your nipples and eventually sucking them. “Mark, that feels good” you moan to make sure he won’t stop doing what he’s doing.

“C-close, Mark I’m close”

He lowers your body as he takes over on thrusting in you on top of his lap. Gripping and tugging anything you could find in bed as he fucks you senseless making your boobs bounce in front of him, lust taking over him fully. “Fuuuck!” you screamed and quickly hugged him to stop, he got the message. Hands caressing your bare back as you shiver on top of Mark’s lap, legs weak as you flop back down to the mattress making Mark giggle and draw small circles on your nipple as he lays beside you. After two more rounds, you begged him for one more round and ride him good as a thank you for making you feel good the whole night.  

“My stylist said I should go for a striking pink for SuperM comeback, I don’t know if that will suit me… Will it? Do you think I should go for it?” again with his dependancy to you.  

Mark is at a hair salon with Taeyong getting their hair done and ready for SuperM comeback happening in less than a week. Hearing that he will have a striking pink hair made you stop what you’re doing and imagine what he would look like. “Are you sure this is not about loving watermelons?” He giggled through the phone, “No.”

When he came home with a striking pink hair, you laughed at him but deep inside he looks handsome. “Well, you look yummy” you kissed him and smelled his hair. He picked you up bridal style and ran to your shared bedroom and tickled you until you cry tears of joy.

Tomorrow is your second anniversary and you can’t spend it together because he’s busy with SuperM promotions. Mark is a simple man who likes simplicity and nothing too fancy in life so looking for a really good anniversary gift is challenge. But you can’t give up. You decided to buy him a new guitar, similar with the one has but somewhat better and different. Inside the guitar there’s a written simple message that he can read whenever he’s doubting again.

It’s already five in the morning and Mark will leave in fifteen minutes. When you open your eyes, you see a cute Mark Lee kissing you until you wake up. He smells clean, his fingertips are cold against your skin, “Happy anniversary. This is one out of two for my anniversary gift” he slips a silver ring on your left ring finger which perfectly fits.

“It’s a promise ring if you’re wondering. I promise to be a better boyfriend. And I saw your gift by the way. I love it. I can’t wait to use it and sing to you after promotions. Just hang in there okay? I love you”

You went got up and it’s surprisingly cold, still sleepy and tired from last night, you saw a bouquet of flowers on top of the coffee table and a paper that contains Girls Generation’s members signature. Complete and framed. It made you happy and laugh because he used his idol card again just to make you smile over the silliest things.

The SuperM promotions was longer than expected but Mark is having a great time with his Hyungs. While Mark is away you’re work keeps on piling up because the company transferred you from NCT to Red Velvet, which you enjoyed because now you’re making costumes for girls.

You and Mark focused on work and it didn’t made you feel angry in fact, you think that Mark being away can make you focus better at work. You realised that you’re better off away from each other. As days and weeks go by, you think about moving out of Mark’s apartment. But he wouldn’t let you do it so you think of another plan.

Mark has been calling you for days already and you only answer just for the sake of telling him that you’re fine. From there on Mark sensed something wrong and the feeling doesn’t sit well on him. Being far from you makes him overthink stuff and imagine things that has the worst case scenario. Like you, getting tired of him because he’s emotionally unstable.

It’s almost midnight and you were just finishing work when Mark came out of nowhere and surprised you. “Surprise! I’m home! Oh, I’ve missed you so much” he said and showered your cheeks with kisses his hug getting tighter and tighter.

You irritatedly pushed him away.

“Okay- that’s new” he let out a sigh, “What did I do now?”

You crossed your arms and lean on the wall, you don’t know how to say it but you’ve made up your mind. You’re going to leave him. “I’m breaking up with you” He stopped listening after you said it.

“It’s funny how I saw this coming but still I had faith with you! I had faith with you that you will not chose to leave me, but fuck-“ he punched the wall, completely hurting his hand you wanted to come to him so bad and made him stop hurting himself but you can’t. To be honest his ears rang, he was light headed and he feel like throwing up. Tiredness and breakup in the middle of the night is not a good mixture.

“Don’t get me wrong please, I don’t hate you. I want to fix this baby, I tried thinking about about solutions and guess what we already tried everything and were still a mess. It bothers me. Knowing that we all have these problems all along and ignoring it over and over again- it’s bothering me baby. We can’t fix it, we can’t fix us”

Admitting that fighting for the relationship made you tired, is a hard pill to swallow. And it hurts because choosing to love yourself this time will hurt him. His emotional dependancy, the sex, and now you don’t know if you want the same things in life anymore.

You wanted to choose yourself this time and do what’s best for you. Because in the past two years, you’ve doing everything what’s best for Mark and Mark only because that’s how you love him. And leaving him is how you can love yourself.

“A week” he blurted out while you were in the moment of pouring out all your concerns. “A week off baby, let’s give each other some space” he kissed your forehead and left you. After what happened he figured, for sure you don’t want to sleep on the same bed with him.  

The space that Mark asked for just made him missed you, it made him realised how he’s been taking your patience for granted and how he’s using every part of your being for his own good. He wanted to fix that. He wanted to fix it so badly.

Looking back over the years, he remembered how you didn’t want to live together but he made you because it’s his birthday wish. ‘Mark how can you ask something like that?’ he told himself, hating himself more.

He remembered how you didn’t want to take birth control shots anymore because you’re having side effects already. And instead of being concerned he got mad at you. Mark told the story to Johnny and he just gave him a ’Tsk. I’m very disappointed’

While forcing himself to write lyrics with Taeyong on a Monday night, he kept on telling Taeyong that he needs your opinion first about the first words that he wrote already. Mark got an earful from Taeyong, ‘you shouldn’t depend on her always! You don’t how heavy it might be for her! Tsk. Do you think she knows anything about what we do here? She has her own profession! She studied years and years for it, how can you do this to her?’ of course Taeyong is always right.

On Wednesday night, you broke up officially with Mark.

“I think we should continue living separately from now on, Mark” you removed the promise ring that he gave you and put it in front of him. He was quiet the whole time, but he understands, blaming himself of course. He understands that now it’s all about you.

“They say if you love someone and they need you don’t leave them, and we hear those words in dramas. But Mark, this isn’t fantasy this is reality that’s really heavy for me. We ignored all the red flags and I think it’s time to let go now”

During your move out, he didn’t showed up and helped you. It’s okay, you thought. You hurt him and he needs time to heal. Clearing your stuff felt like freedom and you thought it was cruel. Cruel for Mark. You feel bad because breaking up really made you feel better.

Looking at the pictures around the apartment, made you feel sad, yes. But leaving it behind and putting them down one by one made you feel free. And again you think it’s cruel because Mark don’t feel the same way, he clearly wanted push through the relationship and you clearly don’t want that.

All the more reason to break up. You don’t want the same things anymore.

Because you did great with NCT and Red Velvet, another great opportunity knocked on your door. A job in Paris. You considered not taking it because of Mark, then you remember that you two have broken up.

He came to your apartment a week after the break up, begging you to come back in his life. “I heard you left SM, baby is it because of me?” you gave him a glass of water and sat beside him, it’s been a week but he already looked like shit. Dark under eyes and no happiness in his eyes.

“Listen to me,” you reached for his hand, “It’s not because of you. I’m finally choosing me. I’m doing what’s best for me and my career. It has nothing to do with you Mark”

He went on and on again about coming back to his life, telling you promises that you know he can keep, but you don’t want to be part of it anymore. “I Promise, I will someday be okay emotionally, I want you to be beside me when that happens. I think breaking up isn’t the solution baby, do you remember how great we are together? We can fix this, we can try and then if it doesn’t work i’ll leave. I’ll never bother you again”

“How can you say breaking up is not the right thing to do now? Mark I’ve honestly never been more peaceful these past few days”

Mark didn’t need to hear other things. What you said made him realised that he used up every chance he could make up with you. He left without saying a word, keeping the pain to himself the whole drive back to the dorms. “Dude, it’s going to be okay. Were here.” Johnny, Hyuck, Taeyong and Jaehyun all listened to him cry at the car not talking to anyone of them.

PRESENT DAY. FOUR YEARS AFTER

Mark still loves you.

................................................. Masterlist

inspired by the recent breakup that I had, please don’t steal my feelings huhu. Enjoy, and thank you so much for reading!

[squishneedsahero]

Possibilities and Problems

The Lost Padawan Part 2

Word Count: 1842

You were raised in the Jedi order, Padawan of Jedi Master Obiwan Kenobi.

It's as the three of you approach the farm that you finally put your lightsaber away. Theres other children, younger than you playing in the fenced area, and you doubt that they'd want to start a fight with them around. When you enter the gate the other people around give you curious looks, but don't seem to question the fact that you had come back with Hunter and Cut for the moment.

A little girl approaches you first, curiosity in her eyes as she asks, "who are you? I'm Omega."

Her friendliness catches you off guard but you answer softly, "y/n."

"It's nice to meet you y/n, we're playing catch," she says gesturing to the other two kids, "would you like to play with us?"

You furrow your brow as she asks this and hesitate a moment before saying, "not at the moment..." you pick at your fingers and look at the adults, before taking a breath and. saying, "I need to talk with them first then maybe."

"Okay, " she says but doesn't run off to play again, instead following you inside with Cut and Hunter.

Inside there are some other clones and a Twi'lek who you had seen through a window but instead of looking at you they just looked to Cut and Hunter for answers. "This is y/n l/n," Cut says, "we met her in town and said we'd help her out."

You wave timidly at them and look around, slowly recognizing the other clones.

"Hey, Omega how about you go play outside with Shaeeah and Jek," Cut suggests, as this was going to be a serious conversation and including Omega but not the other two would just make things a little difficult.

Omega looks to Hunter and he nods her out the door. Once she's out the door he turns to you, "now that we're somewhere safe would you like to explain yourself a bit more?"

His tone causes you a moments pause before you nod, "yeah, I can do that..." you pause as you look at the others in the room before going on to introduce yourself, "I'm y/n l/n, I was the padawan of Master Obiwan Kenobi," as you say this you take out your lightsaber to show them as if they wouldn't believe you otherwise. "I survived the siege on the Jedi temple and all the other clones turning against the Jedi, and I was able to escape to a shuttle off world and made it here." Stoic is the only way to describe the way you're speaking of these events, clearly letting all the training from the Jedi come forward to hide your emotions. You had been taught not to have emotion, and for you that just meant you didn't show any emotions, in truth every part of your body was aching with the pain of loosing everyone you knew.

"I thought the Jedi were the enemy?" Wrecker speaks up.

"No," Tech cuts in, "all we know is that us clones hive chips that caused us to easily turn against the Jedi, we don't know what the Jedi did to deserve being killed-"

You interject, trying to not sound too harsh, "the Jedi didn't do anything. I was at master Kenobi's side for many a meeting throughout the war, Senator Palpatine accuses us of committing war crimes but master Kenobi and the others on the council wanted nothing more than to end the war and keep the galaxy free."

"So you're saying this was all a ploy to execute the Jedi?" Cut asks, able to tell how much emotion you were holding back.

"Yeah, I think that is exactly what I am saying," you take a shaky breath, remembering all of the stuff the masters had taught you and your many grievances with the rules and standards. You decide to be completely honest, at least about everything that wasn't the fact you had only survived from being a dumbass who stole some clone armor. "Look, the Jedi were far from perfect but I know that the only reason they got involved in this conflict was because they wanted to keep people safe. We fought alongside the clones for years, we fought for the Republic, and in a matter of minutes the clones turned against us without question."

You take a breath since you're getting worked up, and Hunter takes the chance to interrupt, "look kid, we know something is off about all of this, we were with Master Billaba when it happened and saw how easily it happened. The only reason we didn't is because we're defective and we're trying to figure out why."

It's his honesty with this that allows you to relax, sensing absolutely no ill will towards you from anyone in the room. It's as you relax that you notice Echo, you hadn't been around him a lot before he had been captured, because he was in the 501st not the 212. "Echo?" you ask gently.

"Yes, that's me, it's good to see you y/n."

You give a gentle smile, "I'm glad that you're alright." From there you take another breath before looking around a bit, "I should get going, I don't want anyone coming after you all on my account."

Suu speaks up at that point, "y/n, my dear, they would already be coming after us if they knew we were here. Technically they are all deserters, and would be executed if found by the empire. You don't have to leave, we are figuring out how to get off world and are welcome to stay and take a break here, I'm sure you're exhausted after being on the run for nearly eight rotations."

You look at the Twi'lek and can feel yourself relax a bit more, realizing how tired you in fact were, "that- are you sure?" you catch yourself before answering.

"Of course I'm sure, my children are outside and I wouldn't put them in danger."

You look at her for another moment, your stomach answering for you by growling, "if you're sure, then that sounds nice."

"I'm sure. Let's get you something to eat," she says and takes your hand to have you find some food.

While you get some food Omega comes back inside, "you're done now?"

Shaeeah and Jek aren't far behind Omega and this leads to Cut stating, "you three were listening at the door weren't you?"

"Yeah," Omega says, sounding almost proud of herself before she looks at you where you were sitting and eating at the table, "so you're really a Jedi? How did you survive the clones attacking because of their programming?"

You finish chewing the bite of your food before saying, "I'm just a padawan, I survived because I was lucky." The only way anyone would learn how you survived is never, you'd take that secret to the grave.

Your vague answer sets Omega off on asking an endless string of questions to you, followed by  Shaeeah and Jek listening to the conversation. This gives the adults a chance to move away and quietly discuss the situation with you. Sure sending Omega with Cut and his family would work to keep her out of harms way, but you on the other hand presented an entirely new problem. Cut couldn't easily take a Jedi with him and his family, there is hardly a chance that you'd even want that let alone able to handle a quiet family life after everything that you'd been through in your short life. All of this required more thought and lots of discussion as to how they would solve yet another problem on their long and quickly growing list of problems.

[machinegunbun]

Is there gonna be a third part for Deserved It🥺

Deserve You+#

Word count:1.7k

A/N: Everyone say thank youu anon for reminding me lmaoo. This was supposed to be posted tomorrow but I got excited soo

“Pete, please just let me explain.” You whimpered, your voice and spirit growing weak. It felt hopeless, like maybe you really had lost him for good.

Your fist knocked lightly against the wood of the hotel room door, the sound reverberating down the silent hallway.  Anxiety filled you, this wasn’t your first time knocking. You had been here for fifteen minutes and were completely unsuccessful so far.

You were pleasantly surprised when you heard fumbling from inside, not expecting them to answer. When the door swung open you were met with the sight of Colson towering over you, an unimpressed glare being shot your way

“He can’t hear you, he’s in the shower. Now stop, you’re pissing me off.”

“Please.”

“What do you want?” The question was more of a statement, letting you talk only to get you to leave.

“Is he okay?” You ask, sniffling.

“What the fuck do you think?” 

“Please, I just wanna make it better.“ You plead

“Then go the fuck home.” He replies, shutting the door halfway before opening it again “And stop fucking knocking.” He adds, shutting the door in your face. Sighing, your back slides down the door, admitting defeat.

As you sat in the all too quiet hallway you found yourself wondering if maybe it meant more than you would like to admit. Maybe Colson was right, would you have kissed Shawn if he had never walked in? Would you have even ever told Pete if you did? Would you even regret it?

Tears began to well up in your eyes at the thought. Who were you kidding? Of course you’d regret it, who cares what everyone else thinks? You knew better than anyone that leaving Pete for Shawn would be the downgrade of a lifetime, and the fact that people based the opposite assumption purely over their own ideals of beauty was fucked up. Pete treated you better than Shawn ever did, he made you feel more than Shawn ever could. He made you a better person, you couldn’t believe your judgement had lapsed that badly, even for so much as a second.

Your head knocked against the door twice, trying to bang the anxious thoughts directly from their source, before the door swung open, the tall blonde giving you a single disapproving look when he spotted you on the floor.

“Is it the pizza?” You could hear Pete ask from inside. Right, you hadn’t gotten the chance to eat dinner

“Nah, it’s just Rook. I’ll be right back, you got the door for me?”

“Yeah, I got it.” Pete replied, his voice hoarse. You could only imagine he’d been crying.

You glanced up at Colson from your place on the floor, embarrassed.

“Just let me talk to him.”

“No.”

“He's not a baby, he doesn't need you to protect him.” You mumble

“No, but he cares about you.  A lot. A-fucking-lot a lot, and I know if I let him out here and he sees you crying he’ll run right back into your arms.” 

“I just wanna see him. I hurt him and it's killing me to know I can't hold him and make him feel better. I just wanna hold him.” You say, your voice cracking.

“Why don’t you just leave him alone and call Shawn instead so he can cheat on you again and you can go on another fucking bender and pretend like theres something interesting about your life.”

“Fuck you.” You retort, although you know his anger is the only reason for his words

“Fuck you too, (Y/N). Who took care of you after you went on your little fucking bender? Pete. Who helped you through the breakup? Pete. Who was with you when you felt like the whole world hated you even though you did nothing wrong? Pete. Who was there for you, romantic or not, whenever you needed him? Pete.If you really want to apologize you need to wipe those fucking tears, take a breath, clean yourself up, and fucking apologize without guilting him into saying its okay.”

“Okay, Okay. I’m not Casie.”

“Damn right you’re not, cause my daughter would’ve never pulled this dumb shit in the first place. And get off the fucking floor, you look pathetic.” He scolds, watching as you stand up, still almost a foot shorter than him. Colson turns around, pushing the door open as it was only half shut. You peer inside, trying to catch sight of Pete, but seeing only a piece of the hallway.

You remained on the floor, not daring to knock once again out of fear Colson might call security on you.

Your head ticked up curiously when you heard someone walking down the hallway, looking up to see Rook making his way towards you. Glancing down at you, he knocked, waiting for a moment before Colson was walking out of the door. Colson looked down at you as well, mild disgust gracing his features before he was walking down the hallway alongside Rook, the two boys disappearing into the elevator.

Pete walked out five minutes later, hoping you hadn’t given up and left. His eyes lit up when he saw you, first reaction being to fix the pout that was stamped on your face.

“Oooh, you got in trouble.” Pete teases, shutting the door behind himself and taking a seat next to you on the carpeted floor, not entirely caring that it was dirty as long as you were right down there with him.

“You heard?”

“It’s a hotel door, not a soundproof barrier.” He jokes, looking at you “Yeah, I heard everything. Listen, he shouldn’t have said any of that to you. He was angry, that’s all.”

“Don’t defend me.” You reply, looking over to meet his eyes. Pete purses his lips, his eyes filling with tears

“I’m always gonna defend you.” He says, his eyes leaving yours as he does, landing on the floor instead. The tone of his words are less reassuring and more disappointed. You thought for a moment he would cry, but he didn’t. His hand never even so much as came up to wipe his tears. Another brief silence fell over you, one more and you think you’d rip your hair out. You were unsure if you should wrap your arms around him the way you wanted to, the last thing you wanted to do was manipulate him into telling you what you did wasn’t a problem.

“I get it.” Pete says, breaking the silence.

“What?” You ask, your voice surprising even you in the midst of such stillness,  feeling foreign and unlike your own

“I get if you want to be with him,” Your eyes meet once again as he says this “I won’t hate you.” He assures, his lips pushing together in a sad, half smile. You stared at him, examining his features and what you had done to him, but in Pete’s mind you were weighing out your options, and everytime Shawn came out on top. He was so caught up in his own mind he almost didn’t catch it when you began shaking your head.

“Oh thank god, cause he’s back at our place right now and we fucked on our bed-” Pete’s head tilted down in disappointment, focusing on his tattooed fingers. You laughed, punching his arm lightly “No, I want you dummy. Why else would I be humiliating myself by crying in a la quinta hallway. What's up with that, by the way? Colson doesn’t have the money to put you up somewhere better? You just got your heart broken.” Pete cracked a smile, his gaze shifting up to the door.

“I know the breakup was hard for you, and everything after it too. I guess I can understand just wanting something before it felt like the world turned it’s back to you.”

“No. I don’t want that, I don’t want Shawn. Sappy love songs, extravagant vacations, waking up early to exercise, flirting publicly as fan service, the perfect family-”

“Okay, okay we get it. He has a dad.” He laughs  “Stop rubbing it in.”

“And actually nice hotels, seriously what the fuck is this.” You laughed, your heart swelling with love when you managed to make Pete smile “It’s just not who I am anymore. I’m late nights watching TV, laughing by the fridge when we get up at 3am to make snacks cause we have the munchies. I'm sitting in your backyard with you, your mom and your sister while we eat dinner and breathe the fresh air and look at the stars. I’m going on walks cause we’re depressed and need the sun to convince us we’re okay again. You changed me in the best ways, baby. I don’t want anything else.” You stared at the ceiling, vivid images flashing through your mind, thinking who you are now is so much more beautiful than who you were then.

You hadn’t even realized Pete was crying until he sniffled, your gaze drifting back over to him, the sight breaking your heart.

“Fucking lame.” He replies, both of his hands coming up to wipe his eyes, his sweatshirt pulled over his hands. You reach over, wrapping your arms around him and pulling him into your grasp. Laying there in peaceful silence, you find yourself running your hands through his hair, inhaling his scent and letting his body warm your own. You felt yourself calm down for the first time tonight with him in your arms.

The moment was broken as someone exited their hotel room, glancing down at the two of you on the floor before making their way to the pool, towel flung over their shoulder. Pete and you shared a look of amusement as he walked away, stifling your laughter until he made it to the elevator.

“Come on, let's go inside.” He says, trying the doorknob. There’s a thump sound as it moves a bit and stops, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion before giving it another try. You tilted your head, looking at the doorknob and to Pete as a look of realization overtook his features.

“I forgot my key.” He sucks his teeth, shaking his head as you laugh from your place on the floor.

[thesolotomyhan]

being pregnant with miguel angel felix gallardo’s kid but leaving him would include

a/n: the way i went full 180 and wrote this because i LIVE for angst and im here to share my pain with you all,, also! this came out as a preggo hc but it follows up with the angst- um i hope you all enjoy my mess

Taglist: @ fandomnerd16  @visintaes @sheeshgivemeabreak @artemiseamoon @ all-tings-diego

let me know if you want to be tagged!

tODO POR TU CULPA ANON IM CRYING BEFORE I EVEN BEGIN-

i just need to say this to mend my broken heart but,, can you imagine miguel angel being so fucking elated the day you tell him you’re pregnant-

like im imagining you surprising him with this neatly wrapped box you give him once he comes home,,

your nervous form standing there when he gives you that stupid laugh when he picks up the box like, “whats this, amor?”

just- his smile getting bigger as he starts to unwrap the box,, pulling out this onesie you put in there-

and there’s this shine in his eyes as he holds it up,, looking at you with so much adoration,,

“estas- embarazada, tesoro?” I SOB because i know nothing feels better than to hear from you,, his dama, is pregnant with his kid, :((

and just him walking up to you,, kissing your forehead as his hands caress your stomach, lightly laughing into your hair- i :(

ok but i can feel it in me that since day one,, he would have you never leave the house no matter what because he doesnt want you out and about without him there cuidandote,,

he just gets low key worried because he doesn’t want you to get hurt while he’s working, and not be there for you right away,, so i know he would have someone with you at all times

like personal maids to do anything you ever need because he doesnt want you touching one plate or moving one foot-

he just w o r r i e s about you putting strength in anything that could harm the baby even if youve only been pregnant for a month-

se preocupa el cabron

and also him doubling security just for the sake of something ever happening,, i just- he doesn’t want absolutamente NADA que te pase ok :(

i cant- hes always telling you that you can call him whenever you need to if you want from the littlest problem to the biggest-

“por cualquier cosa, no importa la hora, you call me first, mi amor, tu eres lo mas importante para mi” -

hes just trying his hardest to be as supportive as he can for you,, im tearing up

also someone PLEASE tell me im not the only one that imagines him sitting down on a couch and having you either sitting on his lap or curled into him-

him caressing your hair and kissing the top of your head,, his hand intertwined with yours thats sitting on your stomach-

like its such a soft fucking moment that he cherishes and just looks forward to the day when he imagines holding your baby in his arms- i :((

and i can see him being the type to bring you all and every snack/food he sees on the street on his way home for you to have,,

just the way he’ll come home to you,, fresh pan dulce in his hand or ice cream as he walks up to you,, smile on his face when he leans down to kiss you-

“te traje algo para ti y el niño, amor” and his hand rubbing your stomach -i cannot handle this right now,,

god, he would also be the one to always have you sleeping on his chest,, wanting to be as close to you and his bebe when he falls asleep,,

but also him staring at the ceiling,, thinking of names he likes for your baby,, and just him blurting them out randomly when he really likes one,

i cant-and the little smile on his face when he hears you softly giggle into his chest,, sleepily telling him if you like that name or not- im crying i wow-

ok now listen,, -i want you to imagine with me somewhere at the point of your pregnancy where you find out the gender of your baby ok-

i can imagine you wouldnt have told miguel about you going to the doctors maybe because you wanted to surprise him or maybe it just crossed your mind and you forgot to tell him-

but whatever the reason,, you wouldve wanted to give him the news at his office at hotel americas because youre too excited to wait until later to tell him,,

and i just imagine you carrying this first ever picture in your hand of your baby, this smile on your face as you head up,, i

but right when you round the corner down to his office, you bump into this lady, still trying to button her shirt up, adjusting her outfit and not even acknowledging you as she walks all giggly away from you-

and from this point,, you already know something isnt right even tho you want to so badly brush it off, you cant,

not when you look down the hall where miguels office door was left open-

god, just the nagging tension pulling on your shoulder every time you take a step closer to his door,,

and the moment you push the door open,, its like a weight was dropped on your heart because there miguel stands, right behind his desk, adjusting the collar of his shirt, his hair all messed up and sticking out everywhere-

just- the whole world feeling like it stopped when he looks up at you, standing there in the doorway,, looking at him with so much resentment in your eyes because you fucking know what happen ed when everything clicked for you- i

“mija, que haces aqui? you should be at home, resting-” and like just the way hes trying to play it off like you didnt just catch him angers you even more, your tense form looking at him and teeth gritting- 

“who was that vieja, miguel?”

and just woW him giving you that fucking scoff he does as he smiles at you, moving to start walking up to you,,

“que vieja, mijita?”

i- and the way you give him this dry laugh,, not even noticing your hand starting to crumble the picture in your hand- “no soy pendeja miguel, diME quien era esa mujer” your voice starting to slowly crack,, your eyes filling with angry tears as you back away from him-

i fucking CRY at the thought of desperate miguel trying to hold your arms and calm you down,, and just holding your body against his when you start to struggle out of his hold,, his voice rising to get you to calm down when you start to hit his chest like- como pudiste? after everything we’ve been through, me enganas, como nada-?”

i just- his hands trying to stop you from pushing him away and get ahold of you- “BASTA mija, ella no es nada para mi, let me fix this, tu eres la mejor cosa para mi” i- and him looking at you todo perdido when you push him away angrily,, wanting to get as much space away from him

and theres this tense ass moment where you can barely even look at him through your eyes,, taking a shaky breath like- “cuantas mas hay,,,, dime la verdad-”

but-  ,just him looking down, silent becasue he cant bring himself to lie to you again,, not with they way he can feel his heart in his throat if he even tries to- “dejame arreglar esto, profavor mi amor, i never wanted to hurt you”

i cant- just the way he can see your heart break further when he looks at you,, hurting the one person he promised to never destroy,, 

and his own feeling like it fucking shatters as he watches you toss your ring at him,, your words further crushing him - “nunca pense que llegaria el dia en que te dijera that i dont love you anymore after what you did”-

and just, your muffled cries struggling to leave your mouth as you turn around,, not even noticing when the crumpled picture of your baby falls to the floor-

your legs moving without even thinking towards his door,, not once glancing back at him when he tries to call out your name as you slam the door behind you- i 

THIS IS YOUR FAULT ANON

[wandsandwheezes]

I'd die for you. | G.W

TW // major character death(s), angst, general sadness, love, mentions of blood, death and sadness.

I would like to apologise in advance for this one, it has taken me two full days of tears and breaking my own god damn heart.

Let me know if you want to be on the taglist my loves💞

@witch-and-a-half @weasleysflowr @wand3ringr0s3 @hufflepuffgirly

Never make a promise you don't intend to keep. That's what my mum always taught me, so in the lead up to the Seven Potters I promised George that even against my best judgements, I'd stay back at the burrow and wait for his arrival.

"If you keep biting those nails, you'll have none left, dear!" Molly said, sitting next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders "Before you know it, they'll all be walking through that doo-" A loud splash echos around the quiet surroundings of the countryside, causing Ginny to jump from the chair and run outside, greeting Harry and Hagrid on their arrival. All too quickly I hear Lupin's voice yelling, causing everyone to look in the direction of his voice. My heart fell to the pit of my stomach.

My mind went blank in the next few moments, I was stood there watching Lupin carry the weak and limp body of love of my life into the confines of the Burrow. Ginny grabs my hand, pulling me inside when she notices that I hadn't moved an inch. I thanked Merlin that he was still breathing, but the blood rushing from his ear made me question how he wasn't unconscious.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." he jokes, feigning a small smile at me as he reaches for my hand, which I let him take, dropping to kneel by his side. My other hand reaching up to brush the hair from his eyes.

"George, you never cease to amaze me how you can still be smiling when you've lost an ear," he squeezes my hand tightly, almost to check I was still there, "who am I if I can't even make the woman I love smile?"

I press a small kiss to his hand, giving him a reassuring smile. I feel a hand on my shoulder, looking up to see Fred staring down at me, he moves to join me beside his brother, "How're you feeling, Georgie?" George takes a deep breath before speaking up.

"Saint like," he smiles, I look to Fred, who has a worry in his eye, I give him a reassuring look as I give George's hand a squeeze, "Come again?" George lets go of my hand, straining to reach up and point at his own ear "I'm holey, get it Fred?"

"The whole wide world of ear related humor and you go for 'I'm holey'... It's pathetic" The twin smiles, looking down at his hands that sat nicely in his lap, "Recon I'm still better looking than you, at least Y/N still thinks so, right angel?" I smile nodding as a small blush rises to my cheeks, I lean in to press a gentle kiss to his forehead, earning a small but weak smile from him.

After about 10 minutes of arguing over who would clean up George's ear, I convince Molly that I was more than happy to take care of her son, especially as I've been patching the twins up after any and all mishaps at the shop. She obliges, despite her motherly instincts kicking in, helping me guide George into the bathroom. We seat him ontop of the toilet seat, nestling between his legs as I gently dab a warm cloth over the side of his face, clearing away all of the blood. I find myself taking in every freckle, every little scar on his face, the way his cheeks were so full and how he was just so perfect, making me realise how much I loved him.

"How did I ever get so lucky?" he smiles up at me, his hands holding onto the backs of my thighs, as my hand holds his chin in place, starting the task of cleaning the blood from his ear. I try to make sureBeing careful to be more gentle every time he winces. "If you're lucky, Georgie, imagine how I feel waking up to you every morning."

"Promise me something," I push back his hair so that it's out of the area, grabbing some antiseptic. "If it's that the antiseptic won't hurt, then there's nothing I can do my love, just bite down on this." I give him a towel which he places between his teeth. The sounds he made as the alcohol cleaned his wound broke my heart, but it was in his best interest. I pull out my wand, casting a small spell to deal with the stitches while he's still biting down on the cloth, causing him to groan again, but this time it was more of a wince then full on cries of pain. I wrap a bandage around his head, holding some gauze in place to help with the bleeding.

"If I didn't love you so much, I'd be swearing this house down by now," he says, pulling the cloth from between his teeth, I reach to wipe away his stray tears that linger under his eyes and on his cheeks. "Now my love, what am I promising you?"

He goes to stand up, quickly deciding against it as he sits back down. I take his hands again, rubbing my thumbs across the back of his hands, he pasuses for a moment, almost as if he's unsure of what he's about to ask, however the grin that he pulls his lips into dispells any worry. "I want you to promise me that you'll still love me with one ear."

"Georgie, I'd die for you, regardless how many ears you may or may not have, you're the love of my life." I laugh, leaning down to finally press a kiss to his lips, moving one of his hands to the small of my back and tgr other to the back of my head, keeping me pulled into the kiss for a little longer.

The next few months were weird and uncertain, Diagon Alley becoming quieter and quieter, I begged George to move back to the Burrow so that we'd be out of the madness and true to his word we did, Molly helping me work with him on his sickness and growing vertigo. Harry, Ron and Hermione were off hunting horcruxes and every morning I got a gut feeling that things were going to get worse.

Beams of Green and Red were flying all around me as I ran through the corridors of hogwarts. The sounds of crying, screaming and yelling were all I could hear. A head of firey red hair, pops around the wall which I spot out of the corner of my eye, he was fighting off Death eaters like it was nothing when suddenly he's thrown to the floor, his wand flying from his hand. I'm trying to run towards him but I feel like I can't move, every muscle in my body is resisting.

"Avada Kedavra!" suddenly the body of the man I love goes lifeless before me, I scream at the top of my lungs, my body finally giving in as I collape at his side, wailing from the pit of my stomach.

"no, no, no... Wake up! Please wake up, My love, just open-" "your eyes, shh, it's okay, I'm here, it's just a dream, baby." my tear stained cheeks, and small shallow breaths were enough for George to realise that it wasn't a normal dream, the protective part of him pulling me into his arms, rocking me gently as he coos my sobs, which grow less and less violent as I'm brought back to reality

"I'm sorry." I whisper as his hand plays with my hair, soothing me to a point where I can finally breathe again, "don't be, when you screamed like that i thought something was happening to you, I swear whatever was hurting you like that I'd take the brunt, I'd die for you, my angel."

"Don't say that." I breathe, shaking my head as I press a soft kiss to his jaw, "no dying, not for me, Georgie." he holds me tighter, leaning down to connect our lips in a soft kiss. "no dying, got it."

I hadn't seen George in a month, we decided that with the death eaters still roaming the streets, it would be better if we both went into hiding. My aunt, who has two witches herself, was keeping me safe, telling her girls to stay in Australia for their own safety. I hear a small knock on the door, Aunt Melinda poking her head into the room.

"This just came inside one of my letters, it's for you, darling." I smile at her, taking the letter gratefully, I recognise the handwriting immediately, opening up the envelope to a gorgeous hand-written letter.

To My Angel,

Merlin, I miss you. Dad told me about how the whole muggle mail thing works and I think I enjoy it more than mail by owl. I think personally that it was a stroke of genius to write to you like this because I know theres no way that the death eaters will go looking through muggle mail.

I want nothing more than to hear your voice again, to touch your skin, feel you next to me when I wake. Oh, Speaking of sleep, how are your nightmares? I don't sleep much these days so I hope you're resting better than I am.

Dad says the order has been checking on the house and the shop regularly, they think the burrow will be safe again soon, I hope you'll join the family and I because I have something I need to ask you and I don't want to do it over a letter.

I love you always and forever.

Georgie

I hold the letter close to my heart, longing to feel his presense again. The nightmares haven't been getting any better, no matter what I do, I don't get to him in time and I have to watch him die in front of me over and over again, knowing that I could've saved him. A wave of pain and sadness washes over me as I curl myself into a ball, under the covers, praying that the duvet becomes his arms and that I don't fall asleep to see his lifeless eyes again.

Two months later, finally stood in each other's arms, kissing again in the room where it all started for us. For a moment I'm taken back to Dumbledore's Army and the hours George and I spent as we snuck into the room of requirement, him helping me perfect my patronus, giving me the happiest memory of all when he kissed me for the first time.

We stood by the window, away from everybody, talking and making up for lost time, holding onto me like he wouldn't ever let go again, every time I looked at him, I was smiling, my heart doing backflips.

"I wanted to ask you this before it all gets crazy," he smiles taking both of my hands as he gets down on one knee, pulling out a ring from his pocket. "I was going to ask you when you were mending my ear, I wish I didn't catch myself out and that I'd asked you then and there because being away from you made me realise that I can't spend another day without you, I love you so much, you're the best thing to have ever happened to me so I want to make us last forever, that's if you still love me, even with one ear."

I giggle, taking the ring and slipping it onto my finger as I nod frantically. I wanted nothing more than to be with George forever, even if he only had one ear.

I don't think any of us realised we were fighting a war until the bodies of people we cared about started to pile around us. I was fighing for everything I had, until I couldn't breathe, a sense of dread washing over me when I realised I'd been fighting alone. I was running around the castle and everything felt like slow motion. That was until I stumbled into the great hall and suddenly time felt real again.

Ginny was holding me back from stepping closer to any of the family, I caught a glimpse of the redheaded boy who looked to be asleep on the floor, his twin sobbing next to him as the family wept. "It's freddie, Y/N" she whispers, "Fred's gone."

Every wail and sob from every nightmare came back to me at once, pushing past Hermione to wrap my arms around George, letting him cry into my arms, and there we stay for as long as he needed.

When It felt like it was all over, we believed Harry was Dead, that this was the end, that everything we had worked for was short lived. I cried into George's shoulder, hugging his side, it felt like a part of all of us had gone. So when Harry reveals himself to truly be alive we were all in a state of shock, moving as one to finish what was started if not for us then for those we lost.

The fight was not over. Beams of Green and Red were flying all around me as I ran through the corridors. The sounds of crying, screaming and yelling were all I could hear. It's like I'd done this a thousand times. I saw the man I loved, from the corner of my eye, he was fighting off Death eaters like it was nothing, when suddenly he's thrown to the floor, his wand flying from his hand. I realised, I had done this before. It was all de ja vu and before I could think, I run and jump in front of the spell that was meant for him, taking it with the full force of my body.

The next few moments felt like no time at all, like both nothing and forever. He held my body in his arms as I reach up to press my hand against his cheek, feeling the last of my life slip away from me, "I love you, George, even if you do only have one ear."

Never make a promise you don't intend to keep. When I told George I would die for him, I truly meant it. When I told him I'd love him forever I meant it. I continued on with him for years, watching him heal and mourn Fred and I. The thing that hurt the most was hearing him still talk to me, like he feels me there, "I made your favourite, mum's cinnamon rolls, she doesn't make them much anymore, I don't think she will without your help." he smiles down at his plate, pulling the roll in half, before letting out a deep breath, placing the other half down and sliding it across the table.

I'm hugging him but he can't feel me there, I'm there every night, curled up next to him but he doesn't feel me hold his cheek anymore. He's sat in the dark, tears rolling down his cheeks, "I know you're here, I can feel you with me but not Freddie." he wipes away his tears, pulling a pillow into his chest. "I hope he's okay, would've been nice of him to leave me one of his ears, it's not like he ever used them anyway." George Weasley, you never cease to amaze me how you can still be smiling when you've lost all that you have.

He never loved another woman, even when he tried, by Godric I wanted him to be happy, even if it wasn't with me. He was sat on the bed, clutching the photo of him and I as he played with the engagement ring he gave me. "I live for you my Angel, If only there was a way you could have lived for me."

[butgilinsky]

december // mb

warning; heartbreak. that’s it. 

summary; after he’s left alone in an empty apartment with the weight of the world on his shoulders, mat comes to realize that december’s his least favorite month of the year. based on the song december by neck deep.

word count; 3.8k+ 

add yourself to my nhl taglist!

mat doesn’t know how long he’s been walking around the block. all he knows is that it’s hard to see, even harder to walk straight, and he can’t shake the itch he has to call you. he just needs one more time, just one final attempt at hearing your voice, even if it’s just your answering machine. 

“hey, this is y/n! i’ll get back to you-” he hangs up then, decides that he doesn’t have the mental capacity to leave another message. 

it’s only been two weeks, but mat feels like it’s been years since he’s seen you. his heartbreak is just as fresh as it was when you walked away from him, tears in his eyes and mind going through the motions of trying to put itself back together again. two weeks isn’t long enough to heal from the gaping hole you left in his heart. there’s not enough time in the world for mat to heal properly. 

he comes to the realization that he’ll never be the same fairly quickly. he thought you were it for him. he thought that every obstacle would be tackled by the two of you together. he thought you’d be in this shit show called life together, for the long haul. he can’t say it’s not his fault, can’t say he tried as hard as he could. he took you for granted, and he knows that now, but now it’s too late.

he thinks that december is the worst month to be face heartache. he can’t take you home for christmas like he planned, can’t kiss you when the clock strikes midnight on january first. he doesn’t get to see you shudder from the cold despite him telling you to bundle up ten times before leaving the house. the christmas decorations that line the street are a constant reminder of the ones you lined the apartment with, and mat starts to think he’ll never look at christmas decorations the same. 

when he gets back home he sees a pair of your shoes by the door. he sees the christmas card from your best friend sitting on the table in the entry way. he sees little traces of you, almost fooling him into thinking you still live there. he has to remind himself then, your stuff is here but you’re not. you told him you’d pick everything up after he went to vancouver, wanting to limit your amount of contact with mat, but that only made it worse for him. 

you didn’t want to see him anymore. he wants to see you, and you want nothing to do with him anymore. it’s a hard pill to swallow, losing you so quickly after having you for so long. he knows he should understand, knows he should come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t the best he could’ve been. he wasn’t the man he should’ve been, nowhere near the man you deserved. you asked for simple things and mat told you he’d never be able to give them to you. 

he thinks about how hard it’ll be to go home, to open gifts on christmas when he knows that theres a pile of boxes in the back of his closet that’ll never be opened. he knows that he should return them, should take them back to the stores before his grace period expires, but he can’t bring himself to even look at the boxes. he can’t bring himself to return the gifts he bought for you, can’t imagine going over each individual one in the process. 

tito offers to do it for him, says that he has a pair of pants he needs to return anyways, but mat knows better. he knows his friend is just doing what he thinks will help, and while it’s heartwarming, it’s also gut wrenching that his friends think he can’t take care of things himself. 

the first time he sees you after you walked out is at a restaurant, sitting across the table from a guy he’s never seen before. anders asks if he wants to leave, says that there’s another place they can go to right around the corner. mat shakes his head and slides into his seat, says it’s fine even though it’s not. 

he sits with his back to you, figures that’ll make it easier to resist the temptation to look at you. he doesn’t know that you watched him walk in, watched him slide into the seat facing away from you. he doesn’t know that your heart sinks into your stomach when you see him turn his back to you, silently telling you that it’s simply too difficult to look at you now. 

you excuse yourself from your table, the man across from you offering you a worried smile before you walk to the bathroom quicker than normal. you grip the edge of the sink, leaning over it in case your stomach fails you. the world around you spins, makes it harder to catch your breath that’s only getting worse with every passing second. 

you try to ground yourself, try to tell yourself that you did what was right for you, that this is what you wanted. it’s what you needed. you remind yourself that you want things that mat can’t give you. you want things that mat doesn’t want to give you. you need a life that mat can’t provide. 

“what do you want from me, y/n?” it’s the same fight, the one you’ve had too many times to count. you ask for something simple, ask him to do the bare minimum only for him to act as if you asked him to pull the moon out of the sky and shove it in your pocket. 

“i want you to tell me that we’ll get there! i don’t need it now, mat, but-”

“but that’s the thing, y/n. you do need it now. you want me to throw away everything i’ve worked for because you want some stupid house with a red door and shrubs around the lawn. you want to get married on a beach or in a forest. you want to have a large wedding, a reception in a big ballroom where everyone is smiling at you like you’re the only person in the room. 

“you want kids that pull on your hair and draw on the walls. you want to settle down and have a life made for thirty year olds who sit in cubicles from nine to five and then go home and eat dinner at the kitchen table. but i can’t give that to you. you want a life i can’t give you.” 

it hits you at full force, like a tsunami that nobody saw coming just before it wipes out an entire city. you try to ground yourself, try to bring yourself back to the restaurant bathroom that you’re in, rather than your place in the middle of your living room, crying and begging mat to just listen to you. 

you don’t think you’re ready to leave the space just yet, but you’re reminded that you’re not here alone, and the guy at your table is probably worried that you’re crawling out of the bathroom window. 

you run straight into someone on your way out of the bathroom, chests colliding into one another before you’re both rushing out apologies. you’re almost knocked off of your feet by the force, and grip onto the first thing that you can reach, which happens to be the person’s forearm. 

anthony’s hands steady you, making sure you don’t topple over in the heels that are suffocating your feet. he tries to mask his shock with a warm smile, tries to hide the sympathy that’s eating away at him. it doesn’t work, but you can tell he’s trying. 

he noticed the red rimmed eyes you’re sporting, and the way your eyeliner is smudged just the slightest bit. he notices the indents in your bottom lip from where you were just chewing on it to conceal the sounds of your sobs. it’s not the first time he’s seen you in a state similar to this one, and he’s not sure if he hopes it’s the last. 

you see him look back at his table and make the mistake of following suit, feeling every muscle in your body tense when you find the same set of eyes you’d missed for two months. you can’t tear your eyes away from him, can’t even bother to notice that the guy who brought you here is watching the entire exchange. 

mat doesn’t know what to do. he doesn’t know if he should look away and pretend like he never saw you or if he should get up and go talk to you. he doesn’t know where the boundaries are drawn or if he’s invited to overstep them regardless of what they entail. he wants to ask you, wants to stand up from his set and rush to take tito’s spot. he wants to hear your voice and feel your touch, feel his heart intertwine with yours in a bed shared by the two of you. 

anders brings mat back, clapping a hand on his back and trying to integrate him back into the table’s conversation. you look at him for a little longer, only brought out of your thoughts when you hear anthony’s voice. 

“y/n-”

“i have to go.” you leave him before he can say anything else, walking up to your table and rushing out a slew of apologies as you gather your things. 

“i’m sorry, i have to go.” he notices the tears building in your eyes, asks you if you need a ride home or money for a cab, both of which you turn down but thank him for. he’s not sure what just happened but he knows you can’t stay here for much longer without tipping over the edge, so he lets you go. 

you walk by his table then, trying to ignore the fact that you’re so close to him. you ignore the call of your name and cover your mouth with the back of your hand as you inevitably catch the attention of half of the restaurant. 

“barz, don’t-”

“y/n!” he’s out of his seat and running after you before any of his teammates can bring him back down. 

he doesn’t care that the whole restaurant is watching, doesn’t care that he’ll see stories about the exchange in the morning. he just focuses on you running out of the doors the best that you can, focuses on the fact that he’s getting closer to you with every stride. it’s not close enough, but it’s the closest he’s been in a long time and he’ll take anything he can get at this point. 

“y/n!”

“don’t do this, mat.” it’s the first time he’s heard your real voice for month; the first time it’s not your answering machine or his saved voicemails from you. it’s not in a video he can’t seem to stop watching, or a figment of his imagination in the middle of the night. it’s you, and you’re here. for a moment, he thinks he’s dreaming. 

“baby, please.” you move when he reaches for you, trying to hail a cab as quickly as you can so you can get the hell out of this situation. 

“i can’t do this. please, mat, please don’t do this. i’m begging you.” he feels his heart sink at the desperation in your face, somehow coming to terms with the notion that you don’t want to talk to him right now, and you probably don’t want to talk to him ever again. “i can’t do this to me mat, because if i let you tell me what you’re thinking then i’m not going to be able to walk away from you.” 

your words hit him at full force, almost knocking him straight off of his feet. he’s not entirely sure what weight your words held, but he does know the he wishes you’d give him the room to explain why that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. 

a cab pulls up to the curb and you’re reaching for the handle before he can get another word out, even though he doesn’t have anything else to say. he’s forced you into conversations that you didn’t want to have for months, he can’t bring himself to do that right now despite the questions swimming around in his mind. 

he watches you slip into the backseat, locking eyes with him one more time before shutting the door and begging the cab driver to take you home. he knows he messed up, knows he should’ve stayed in the restaurant, knows that he shouldn’t have let you walk out in december. 

you’re gone before he can process it. he’s left standing on the edge of the sidewalk, his hands shoved into his pockets and his eyes glued to the spot where you once stood. he feels a hand on his back, hears his friends telling him that you just needed time, that it was still all too new for you to face. 

but they don’t know you the way he does. they don’t know that you’re never going to be ready to face this. they don’t know that all you wanted was mat in a big house with a rose colored door, and all he gave you was the opportunity to find him passed out in the bathroom at three in the morning, too drunk to crawl into bed. 

he hears tito say the same thing he always does. the four words he hates to hear, but can’t seem to get his friend to stop muttering when the situation arises. 

“pain is never permanent.”

he bites his tongue, doesn’t want to yell at tito and tell him that he knows that, but tonight it’s killing him. he doesn’t say that december has become his least favorite month, that he wishes time would slow down so he wouldn’t have to reach the end of the year. 

the next time he sees you is a few months later. this time you’re in the park, hand gripping a leash with a dog he’s never seen on the other end of it. he feels his heart threatening to jump out of his chest when he sees you leaning into someone’s side, his arm wrapped around your shoulders. he has a leash in his hand as well, a different dog on the end of it. 

he doesn’t know if they’re yours or his, the dogs. he doesn’t know if they’re still puppies or fully grown. he doesn’t know if the guy you’re with is your new boyfriend, or a friend that’s overly affectionate. 

he gets his answer, unwillingly, when you turn to the man and smile brightly, watching as you push yourself onto your toes and press your lips to his. mat feels bile tickle the back of his throat, feels the gut wrenching feeling that comes with a heartbreak that’s never subsided. 

he wonders how he’s forced to see you like this. the city’s so big, and he had to be at the same park as you and him today. his jog picks up pace, his frustration being fueled into his early morning run. 

you see him when he passes you, eyes locking for just a moment before he looks ahead of himself once more. you know he’s mad, know he’s still grieving, but then you’re reminded of the man beside you, his hand squeezing your shoulder just as the dog on your leash gives you a firm tug as a reminder of where you are and who you’re with. 

you smile at him and tell him that yeah, you’re fine. you walk with him, only glancing over your shoulder once. mat’s already gone, no sign of him anywhere in sight. you almost wonder if you’d made up the entire thing in your head. 

-

it’s december again, and when mat reaches up to scratch his neck, he’s reminded of the facial hair he’s sporting. he remembers a time when you ran your fingers over his jaw, scratching gently at the stubble forming. 

“should i shave it?” you hum, almost not hearing his question. he asks again, peeling his eyes away from the tv and looking down at you. 

your head’s on his chest, and your eye are wide with admiration as you look up at him and shake your head. you tell him no, that you like his facial hair and it makes him look about five years older. he smiles, despite the fact that he asks you if that meant you didn’t like the babyface he usually wore. 

you smile then, rolling your eyes and squealing when his fingers dig into your ribs. you try to swat him away, but he rolls the two of you over and effectively traps you between him and the mattress. he only stops when you struggle to catch your breath from laughing, both of you wearing wide, cheesy grins while holding eye contact. 

you lean up and press your lips to his, humming when he pushed back against your lips with added pressure. his fingers dip down to your hips, gripping them slightly before slipping under the material of your shirt. 

mat has to pull himself out of the memory before his mind goes too far. he can’t spend too much time dwelling on the moment, or he’ll back out. he can’t back out, not after getting this far. 

he needs to tell you, needs you to know that he wants the best for you. he wants you to have everything you’ve ever wanted in life, even if he isn’t the one that gets to give it all to you. 

he wants you to know that he loves you, and will until his last breath. the years he spent with you weren’t like anything else he’s ever experienced, and he has a feeling it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. 

your smile spreads a warmth through his chest. he notices that it doesn’t reach your eyes, but neither does his. he walks into the coffee shop, know that there are so many thoughts bound to be left unspoken by the end of this. neither of you know how to start this conversation, but you take the first plunge. 

“you look good.” he lets a soft laugh slip, not understanding how that can be the first thing you’re saying to him after all of this time. he takes it in stride though, and bites his tongue so he doesn’t return the sentiment. 

there’s not much small talk. it’s practically impossible to sit in front of the other and pretend like the last few years never happened. he can’t act like he doesn’t know how it feels to wake up beside you, or have your lips moving up and down the skin of his neck. you can’t pretend you don’t know how it feels to watch him score a goal, or two, or three, and be the one that gets to go home with him afterwards. 

so he takes a deep breath, and you sense the hesitation coursing through him. he notices your patience, remembers how that came in handy over the course of your relationship. he gives you another small smile, and grips the cup in front of him as a way to keep his hands occupied while he starts to speak.

“i just want you to know that i want you to be happy. i know that you are, and that makes me happy. i hope you get your ball room floor, and your perfect house with rose red doors. i know that it’s been a long time, and i couldn’t tell you that when-” he swallows, and attempt to stop the lump from forming in his throat. it doesn’t work, but it adds a sense of comfort in a weird way. 

“i want you to know that i’m happy for you. i wish it was me, and i’d be lying if i said there’s a point where i won’t feel like that, but i know that you wanted things i couldn’t give you. i hope he's better than I ever could have been.” he doesn’t say that he doesn’t think that’s possible, and he doesn’t say that he’s ready to give you everything you’ve ever wanted, everything you asked him for a year ago. 

he doesn’t say that he’s ready now, that he’s at a place that he didn’t think he’d ever reach. you don’t get the pleasure of knowing that mat’s ready for this, for you. you’re left with the thought that he’ll never be ready, and you’ll never be given the chance to see mat mowing the lawn of a big, two-story house with a red door and a wrap around porch. 

you don’t tell him that you want to hear it, that you need to hear it. you don’t tell him that you’d drop everything you have right now if it meant that you can live that life with mat. he doesn’t get the pleasure of knowing that you’re silently begging him to ask you to leave your new life behind and run away with him. he’s left with the thought that you’re satisfied with what you have going for you, and he’ll never be given the chance to see you in a beautiful white dress, walking towards him with a smile so bright, he thinks it’ll blind him. 

you sit across from each other, biting your tongues and holding back words that would change everything if just one of you would simply spit it out. if one of you could build the courage to just say what you were both thinking, your lives would change once again. your lives would finally end up being everything you wanted them to be. 

but you don’t say anything, because you don’t think there’s a place for you to say it. mat doesn’t say anything, and he thinks he’s doing the right thing by holding back. he thinks he’s come to terms with how his life is meant to play out, and you think he’s still incapable of reaching the point that you need him to be at. 

you leave the coffee shop with a weight on your shoulders that wasn’t there when you arrived. your stomach feels uneasy, maybe from the coffee but definitely from the realization that you’d never be able to move on from mathew barzal. 

mat stays in his seat after you leave, not being able to hug you goodbye or watch you walk back to your car. he can’t find it in him to move from his spot, trying to give himself the time to come to the realization of what just happened. he knows that he still loves you, knows that he’ll always love you. he feels his chest ache and maybe it’s the weight of the situation, but it’s definitely from the realization that he’d never be able to move on from you. 

it’s going to be another long, lonely december.

-

barzy taglist; @extratragic @vinceduhn @teenagekook @smit41 @sidscrosbyy​ 

himbos; @babytkachuks​ @bricksatlandyswindow​ @anxietyandtacos​ @damndunner​ @dmonchld​ @kiedhara​ @sortagaysortahigh​ 

[rattyoakenbitch]

Hello, I love your writing so much that I'm calling the police because of the unlawful amount of talent you have :))

I hope that youre doing well ❤️

I was wondering if I could please get will graham x reader?

✨Prompt✨ ~ one shot please

☄️Details☄️ ~ reader has a bad panic attack and shuts down and holds their breath until they end up losing consciousness.

🌨️Pronouns🌨️ ~ female reader please

🪐 alternate ask just in case you don't feel comfy with writing anxiety/panic attacks🪐 ~ will with sleepy reader who tries to make sure that everyone is happy and works hard for that?

🌌 message🌌 ~ thank you so much and I hope you have a great day ! don't forget that you are amazing and appreciated !

DUDE I LOVE YOU OMG (ok but like i literally squealed out loud 😭😭💔)

thank u so much for this!! u dont know how much i love doing requests. i hope u enjoy this as much as i did!

pairings: will graham x fem reader

warnings: panic attacks, angst, themes of depression, self doubt, passing out, very very very brief mention of suicide, brief mentions of cheating (sorry that's a lot omg). not warnings but theres eventual fluff and aftercare!!!

You sat down on the front porch cross-legged, watching as the sun came up over the hills, emitting an orange glow across the dark blue sky. Usually you'd still be in bed at this hour, but you haven't been able to catch any sleep lately. It's either you sleep all day or not at all.

Of course, not that you really minded. You loved watching the sunrise, the beginning of another day. It seemed so promising and motivating, yet it was bittersweet for you. Because it was another day of what felt like failure.

Another day where you'd rather not be alive.

Not that you were suicidal. Oh, not at all. You could never bring yourself to take a life, especially your own. But you couldn't help but fantasize about how happy everyone would be if you never existed. If you didn't take up so much damn space and waste people's time.

Your heartbeat began to speed up as several thoughts of self doubt and loathing began to fill up your head all at once.

You groaned and buried your face into your knees, covering your ears as if it would make the thoughts go away.

You spent a bit of more time on the porch, lost in your thoughts, barely keeping track of time, when a cold breeze snapped you back to reality.

You weren't wearing much, only a pair of lounge shorts, a sports bra, and one of Will's many flannels.

You grabbed the buttons of your flannel, wrapping it tightly around your figure in an attempt to keep warm. Ultimately you head inside anyways.

Coincidentally, you just caught Will about to leave.

"You're leaving already?"

You raised your brows, watching Will with suspicion.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. Jack called, he wants me in right now."

"He say why?"

"Look, I don't know. I gotta go," Will said, more hurridley this time.

You pursed your lips. "Right. Sorry.."

Before you could say your goodbyes, Will was already out the door. You stood in the center of the room awkwardly, not knowing where to start from here.

You ended up taking the dogs out to walk, who seemed to enjoy it more than you did. Your mind was elsewhere.

As you carried on with your mundane every day tasks, your last interaction with Will stayed in your mind as you overanalyzed every aspect of the conversation.

He didn't even say a proper goodbye.. Or an "I love you".

What if he was getting tired of you? What if he found another woman? Was that why he left so early? Did he have a girl on the side?

All these thoughts ran through your head, and soon enough, you started to analyze your whole relationship with Will.

What did you do? Was he mad? Where did it go wrong? Did it even go wrong? Are you just being crazy? Maybe this is why he wanted to leave. He's already got enough to deal with, why would he want to put up with your problems, now?

This is all your fault.

All your fault.

All.

Your.

Fault.

You felt your breathing started to pick up, as well as your heartbeat. You fell onto your knees on the hardwood floor, digging your fingers into your own hair as you gripped tightly, like you'd lose yourself if you let go.

Your whole body trembled with fear and anxiety, the thoughts never once stopping, only seeming to intensify as your heartbeat got louder in your ears.

So loud, you almost didn't hear the front door open, or your name being called.

"Y/N!"

Your eyes shot up from the floor to Will who rushed by your side, obviously freaked out.

"Y/N, what happened? Are you hurt? Talk to me, baby, please."

Your words seemed to get caught in your throat, the only sound leaving your mouth being faint whimpers and strained cries.

After Will quickly searched for any injuries, he concluded you were having a panic attack.

"Y/N," he put his hand on your chest, "I need you to breathe for me, okay? Breathe."

You shook your head, squeezing your eyes shut. "I can't. Oh, gods. I feel like I'm going to die. Please, I don't want to die."

Will took your hand in his, squeezing it tightly. "I'm right here, Y/N. You're not going to die. You hear me? You'll be okay."

As he continued on assuring you, his voice seemed to become fainter and fainter, as if he was far away.

Your vision became dizzy, your surroundings all a blur. You tried to focus on Will as he spoke to you, desperately trying to calm you down. But his words were completely drowned out by the sound of your panting and beating heart, before it all went black.

Slowly, your eyelids fluttered open. They felt incredibly heavy, but you managed to stay awake.

You were no longer on the floor. Instead, you were wrapped in soft, plush sheets that hugged your exhausted body.

You remembered now. You passed out in Will's arms while you had a panic attack. It only made sense, you thought, considering you hadn't had sleep in days.

Still laying down, you inspected your surroundings, your eyes falling on the curly haired man below you who also laid down, his arms securely wrapped around your lower half.

He must have felt you stirring as he began to wake up as well.

You smiled to yourself as you reached down to tangle your fingers in his curls, massaging his head while doing so.

"Y/N?"

"Hey.." you rasped, your throat raw from hyperventilating.

"How are you feeling?" He didn't give you a chance to reply as he continued. "I thought you may have actually died at first, but when you seemed alright, I took you back to rest here."

"Thank you, Will." You cleared your throat, "Can I get some water, please?"

"Of course. I'll be right back, okay?"

Will leaned in to kiss you on the forehead before heading to the kitchen to get a glass. You sat up when he came back, also noticing he brought a hairbrush as well. He sat behind you while you drank, hugging you, caressing your body gently as if you were made out of glass.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Usually you would decline, but you hesitantly nodded your head.

Will pulled away and ran the hairbrush through your tangled strands of hair as you spoke, gently undoing the knots and being careful not to hurt your scalp.

"I've been overthinking a lot.. About every day life. Who I am. Us.." He let you continue. "I thought you were mad at me this morning and I couldn't let it go.. Then I began to think you were getting tired of me and.." You sighed. "You're such a good man, Will Graham. And you have a lot on your plate. I hated to think I was making your life even more difficult..." You trailed off, awaiting his response.

But he remained silent, he even stopped brushing your hair.

The air felt tense. And you needed to apologize quickly.

"I- I'm sorry you had to deal with that," you whispered. "With me."

"Why are you sorry, my love?" he spoke softly, his voice holding no tone of resent or hate. He embraced you from behind, his chin resting on your shoulder as he whispered into your ears, now and then placing warm kisses on your neck & shoulder. "You've done nothing wrong. You're just as perfect as you were the day I laid eyes on you. You still make me feel the way I did when we first kissed, or when you first told me you loved me." You felt your heart ache at Will's loving words.

"Will.."

"It hurts to see you hurting like this, because I love you, Y/N. Even on days when you don't love yourself."

Will placed a finger under your chin, tilting your face towards him. He watched your face with adoration, his eyes never once leaving your glossy doll-like ones. You felt blush creep up on your cheeks as Will spoke, his hot breath fanning your face. "I always did think you were the most beautiful girl in the world." With that, he leaned in to lock his lips with yours, as if to prove his love for you. And you believed it.

[scummy-writes]

Offset Beginnings

Throughout his life, Arthur had believed that there had to be at least some strain of truth when it came to the occult, whether through a vague promise of ‘magic’ or trying to find whatever possible science it boiled down into. That being said, he’d never thought he would get such an up close and personal taste of its existence. 

     Slowly, he touched the pads of his fingers to his face, tracing the curve of his cheek. Seeing was believing, yet his mind still couldn’t process the youthful body he had just recently been blessed with. Despite standing in front of the immaculately polished mirror left in his room, Arthur found himself gripping the vanity in disbelief, breath shallowing.

Of course. Being born anew had to have some sort of catch, didn’t it? Unless this was a new form of lucid nightmare, his deathbed granting a new experience to torture him even through his last breath. But…

That coppery taste on his tongue still lingered. Despite past dreams, Arthur was never one to have a sense of taste within them. And the pain when Le Comte had bitten him…

He dropped his head, poorly attempting to switch his focus onto his lungs as his nails found purchase in the wood.

Moments ago he had finished meeting the other residents of the mansion, faces completely new to him yet the names he had heard brought more fear into the possibility of this all being another trick of the mind. 

A deep inhale, and he made up his mind, shoving himself away from the mirror to numbly grasp his coat and head back out the door. If his mind was set on plaguing him with bastardized ‘blessings’, then he was determined to fight back by drowning in his sorrows. 

---------

The grooves in the counter were surely etching themselves into his skin, but Arthur couldn’t be bothered to care, mind elsewhere as his eyes barely focused on the glass in front of him. If he squints, he can make out a face under the mess of hair in the warped reflection, and he groans, turning to thump his head against his forearm. He’s sure he hears a muffled question, the tap of a glass by his head. He can’t bring himself to attempt deciphering whatever was said.

He inhales, his chest feeling a steady burn as he shakily sighs, squeezing his eyes shut. Staying firm in the present is harder with alcohol muddling his reason, though that’s his own fault, isn’t it? Every drink he slugged back in hopes of forgetting his earlier woes pit against him, memories playing back as he remembers his reflection, the same face that haunted him late at night.

There’s another voice, deeper this time, that accompanies a weight on Arthur’s shoulder. Curious, given the lack of sensation in his arms or fingers at the moment. He attempts to shrug it off, a flash of annoyance going through him.

“Tch. Trying to help you, you...” 

The voice muffles as Arthur finally turns to face it, some curse slipping out before he recognizes the flash of brown fabric, his own hand reaching out to grasp without much thought following. 

There’s a pisspoor attempt to say Theo’s name, the sound coming out slurred even to Arthur’s ears. A groan slips out next, his arm dropping as his grip slacks.

Despite the clear inability to verbally communicate, Theo still seems to recognize what he was getting at; sitting down on the stool beside him with a grumble.

“Just how much did you drink?”

He wants to laugh at the worried question, how it doesn’t match the man’s expression, how it's the first time in years anyone has asked him that. He supposes some sort of dopey smile crosses his face at the scoff Theo gives him.

When was the last time someone showed him an ounce of pity? Le Comte didn’t count, given he was nearly convinced the man was reviving them out of a sense of misplaced guilt, nor was Arthur ever deserving of it, not since…

There’s a grumble that comes out as his world begins to spin. He catches how Theo’s eyes widen before Arthur closes his eyes, feeling his body tip into something softer than the counter. Was it Theo? There’s a gruff mumble coming after him as someone attempts to right him, but Arthur’s well past the point to move without stumbling over immediately.

The thought to apologize comes along as he says something, the words mingling with memories of Trevor and the others catching up to him. For Theo’s sake he does try to stay lucid a moment longer, just to ease the weight he’s pushing onto the man, but the next breath he gives seems to drain him, sending him tumbling into unconsciousness.

---------

Ugh. 

As soon as he registers warmth creeping along his face, the sharp stab of a headache follows immediately, forcing a groan out as he pats around him blindly. He fumbles with the blanket he’s wound up in, finding a way to tug it over his head to block out the sunlight filtering in through his window.

It takes him a moment to open his eyes, feeling the spinning from last night trying to return along with his coherency.

Who in the hell pushed open the curtains? He was positive that they were shut when he left…

Arthur’s brows furrow as last night starts to come back to him, piecing together the flashes of brown fabric he had seen along with the gruff voice of-

“Theo,” The name comes out as a curse, “You bloody devil.” 

-------

It takes him longer than he likes to withstand the small act of just getting up, head pounding all the while. He manages to stumble over to his window and tug the curtains closed, allowing himself to prop up against the vanity, eyes avoiding the mirror attached as he plots the day ahead with a firm plan to steer clear of Theo; else who knew what embarrassing conversation that would spark.

But God’s always been a right bastard, hasn’t he? Once he peels off yesterday’s clothes and steps into a cleaner set, he’s out the door, only to nearly smack right into the man.

“Ah…”

Damn and blast.

Their eyes meet for just a moment, before Arthur’s running a hand through his hair and dodging Theo’s gaze.

“Listen, about last night…”

His unspoken beg to spare him the details of his foolishness seems to come true, as Theo interrupts him with a scoff.

“There’s nothing about last night.”

“Huh?”

“What? You think I remember any of the nonsense you spouted? I was too busy deciding to bring you back here or to toss you into the Seine.” Arthur bites back a quipp, and all Theo does is check his watch with a tsk, echoing the one out of many from the night before. “I have to go to the gallery, I don’t have the time to spare for this.”

When he walks past in a determined tread, Arthur half expects the man to bump into him in annoyance. He’d certainly deserve it and more, knowing fully well what a mess he had to have been to drag back here. 

He huffs out a self-deprecating laugh at the fact that someone so brusque was willing to spare a sorry sap like him. And for what reason? Perhaps the new lad to the mansion always went through this, and Arthur was just being given the easy treatment for now, until his feet- or fangs -settled.

With another scoff towards himself, he turns off towards the direction of the kitchen, planning for a cup of coffee and, admittedly, a way to offer buying a round for Theo- without getting the drink thrown back in his face.

-------

This. Has been a draft since July, so if anything sounds off I'm sorry haha

The second half of this pulls from that Drunk from your Love(?) Collection event, where theres a brief story about Theo finding the thot conked out at the bar, thought it seemed fitting to change that to the first night Arthur was brought back and Suffering at the age he was made to look like. (Even thought canon says otherwise haha)

Masterlist | Writing Server | Isaac Week | Ikevamp Server

[mirismuffins-ovo]

Plant Palace pt 9.1 🌿

⚠️[cussing and suggestive wording](theres two parts to this part due to it being a short moment)

[john has been staying with Eddie for around 2 weeks now]

John had stayed there for a few days,he was eating and just sleeping for the most part. He'd taken notice of an orange flower on Eddie's night stand and had realized that the room and house were set up for if John had come back. John had just finished taking a shower,and was drying off,his body looked more fit than before. He wasn’t as thin looking and his body was a slightly toned framed now. He finished getting dressed buttoning his pants as he walked out of the bathroom,seeing Eddie looking through the Polaroid pictures of the babies that had fallen out of his jacket.

“Oh..hey Eds” John shifted his weight slightly,just before he sat down on the opposite side of the bed. He didn’t know what to say about the girls to Eddie. “They’ve gotten so big hm?” He missed them but he didn’t want to leave just yet,he wanted Eddie to come with him at least.

“They sure have. They are still so beautiful just as the day they were born.” Eddie smiled, setting the photos aside.

Looking over at the cleaner, better recovered man, he looked him up and down. As much as Eddie would love to tear him apart, the concern about the girls worried him more. He wasn’t sure how long John had been away from them and like any parent, never wanted to be far away from their kids.

“How are the girls?”

“They’re alright...everyone around camp helps me take care of them,and there are other kids they play with. My mom and Henry have been taking care of them” He sighed and looked away “I miss them..but I try to talk to them often” John glanced at Eddie as he fixed some buttons on his shirt,Bitty was lying comfortably in a cat bed with her little brother Leaf.

“Mom had to teach me how to style their hair,and those girls are sure wild”

He laughed softly longing for his kids but his want for more was strong,it was selfish of him but he couldn’t keep himself away from Eddie.

He wondered if he would be able to help teach the girls how to be human so they could be integrated into human society.

"John… I think you should go back. Go see the girls."

He could see the shock fall on John's face.

“Eddie..I will soon,but..I want be with you”

He felt horrible for being selfish but he had sacrificed everything to keep his kids safe. John wanted his happiness,and he couldn’t fight the loneliness he felt without his lover. He’d waited for years just to see him.

“I don’t want to leave yet.”

"John. I'm in the middle of writing an album. When I finish I promise I'll come find you and the girls. But right now you need to be with them. They're probably worried about you."

He hoped John could go back. He was being serious.

“Eddie...I want more than this,we had dreams together. I still want that and I get you're writing your albums and that stuff is important. I know I came back out of nowhere but..I want more than what I have now” John knew Eddie was serious about this stuff,but so was John.

“I get that right now is temporary..and I will go back to them but..not right now”

Eddie was not happy with the answer. "You don't get to choose what you want anymore. You're a parent, a father, and you should know that your kids come first."

He groaned as he stood up, ruffling his hair. "You know I love you, John, but we are still living our own lives. We have been the past 2 years. We can't just get back together with a snap of our fingers. Things are still rough right now for Abbies and I'd rather you go protect them than worry about me!"

He pointed to the door, silently telling John he needs to go.

“I get it…but you need to understand being a single parent for two years and ignoring my own needs has taken its toll” He stood up and pinched the bridge of his nose frustrated “I’m not worried about the kids..my kids are safe with my mother.” He sighed and took a few steps away from the bed towards the door,but then paused. “how do you know I’ll come back next time..” John glanced back with an eyebrow raised.

“I love you,but like you said we’ve lived our separate lives,and if we don’t rekindle our relationship now i don't think we ever will” John knew he wouldn’t ever wanna leave Eddie but this was something he had to recognize. “Am I better off moving on…am I just still just fantasizing about what we used to be.”

Eddie grit his teeth, clicking his tongue. “Not a day goes by when I think about how you’ll come back to me. But never like this. I always thought we’d never would,or we’d run into each other while getting coffee. Or hell, I go do a concert and you’d be in the crowd!”

He could feel emotion build.

“But I’m not ready for us yet. I spent so long being depressed and hung up on you. I’ve tortured myself by releasing that album. I’ve had to ignore it for 2 years but whenever I had to play that one song I felt empty every time. That song was meant for you. That whole album was meant for you! It showed everything I felt about you but I never got an answer. That was my call to you, and I got nothing. Year after year after year and you just expect me to come back to you? Or you walk into my life begging for me to join you?

“John, we need to work on this. We still need to work on ourselves, what we really really want and what the consequences of that will be. We might be ready for the world, but the world might not be ready for us.”

John snapped his voice ringing out in frustration.“Do you think I give a fuck about what the world wants anymore Eddie!? After what I’ve done and what I’ve been through?!” He had whipped around to face the singer,aggressively motioning with his hands.“I’m done with worrying about the world Eddie,I get if you do now cause your famous” He crossed his arms and sighed, shaking his head “I’ve listened to the album almost everyday since it came out,our daughters know that their father sings that song. I listen to it to torture myself,to remind myself that I had to leave the fucking love of my life with OUR kids to live in the middle of nowhere...without you.” His tone was somber but he rubbed his face and regained his voice.

Eddie looked like he was about to speak but John

rose a hand to stop him.

“How did you expect me to answer you,hm!? What was I supposed to do while taking care of three little toddlers and trying to keep camp from getting captured by the government?” He squinted irritated “you know how they knew I was abnormal when I went to the hospital,even though I tried my damndest to control myself? I was listed as a fugitive from when I was a teenager,but I’m not anymore. I am not dangerous ” John sighed

“I’ll leave alright,I just wanted you to come with me...we could’ve had our little family..” he shrugged and his eyes flicked up to meet Eddies without waivering.

Eddie was enraged.

“Look if you’re just here to take me back and fuck, then do it.” Eddie glared.

His heart was racing, he had been eyeing the man since he started to make home. He was sure even the sight of his boyfriend still getting dressed was soon to make him hard. Wait..boyfriend? Sure why not.

“To tell you the truth, I’ve been trying to hold back the past few days.” Eddie had been eyeing John for the past two weeks,dying to rekindle their fire.“ But I was putting the girls first, no one wants to grow up without their parent.”

He walked up to John towering above him, running his fingers through the freshly washed hair, sliding them down John's face before taking hold of his chin, staring deeply into the shorter man’s eyes as he tilted his head up to face him.

“take me back to see our daughters,but let me have you”

Johns eyes widened and he looked up to see Eddies lustful eyes. The large man leaning interlocking his mouth with Johns,unexpectedly shoving his tongue into his mouth. John huffed and only paused to catch his breath,Eddie had pinned John against the wall,the more experienced man taking him by surprise.John's body knew what it was doing though,and just a look from Eddie had John longing for his touch. Eddie had picked John up by his thighs allowing John to wrap his legs around Eddie's waist before taking him to bed. Passionately ripping the clothes off of eachother. Eddie snickering at the ginger virgin who looked taken by surprise but seemed to be enjoying himself.

You can guess what happened next.

[arysthaeniru]

aAAA the joy of seeing an update on your current favorite fanfic is just aAAA

I always felt that kiwami 1s Nishiki was just a bit too,, I dont know how to describe it; but essentially he just felt off, granted yakuza 1 is a product of its time and therefore the plot is a bit dated and whack as all hell

The way you write Nishiki just feels so much better and realistic; in the original he just seems so uncaring towards Kiryu? which just feels kinda OOC? You'd think he still cares about Kiryu despite it all, especially when you take Yakuza 0 into consideration; and i feel like you portray Nishiki much more accurately

I never thought much about Yumi, because honestly, in the original she was kinda just, there? You actually made her a very interesting person! like I'm actually invested in her in your story! (side note you ever think about her clone who got tortued and died? yeah who WAS that???? thats never brought up is it??)

Theres so much more to talk about but in short; This is the best fix it/rewrite of a game plot I have read to date and it brings me joy in my current stressful school life. and no I will not stop praising it or the author, because this work has made me very happy. ;)

I just have a gift for picking favorites that end up dying,,aand another favorite of mine is Mine

imo theres a lack of soft, reassuring Minedai, i just feel like he'd need a reminder that people love him as a person and not just for the money he can provide, even if its obvious

I'd love to see how you'd write them, but I understand if theres more interesting/appealing drabble requests!

- Carp

CARP, thank you for this <3 this is so sweet!!!!! I’m so happy you enjoy my Nishiki! I had fun playing with what Yakuza 0/the Kiwami additions gave us about Nishiki’s personality and outlook on the world, and trying to reconcile that with the plot that Yakuza 1 initially had. Ultimately, I fell on the side that you did: even if Nishiki’s ambition took him down a monstrous path, I don’t think he’s the sort of person who neglects to pay back his debts. And he’s aware of the huge debt he owes Kiryu. Not to mention, their bonds of trust and love vanishing completely because of jealousy felt unreal to me. Their relationship becoming twisted or strange? Yes, but vanishing entirely felt unsatsifying to me. 

And Yumi!! I had so much fun excavating her character from the clues we get of her in canon. I worry sometimes, that she’s unrecognizable, because you know, I’ve given her a college education, and a whole bunch of interests beyond hostessing alone, but people seem to like it and like her, which is great!! I hate fridging women characters, so keeping her and Reina alive was important to me, hahaha. (RE: fake!Mizuki, there’s this substory in Kiwami that actually addresses who she was, BUT IT’S EVEN MORE HORRIFYING. So that’s why Yumi in my fic is the one captured and tortured by Nishiki’s men, because the thought of this poor innocent woman getting dragged into the mess was just untenable to me.)  

Anyway, thank you for your support and kind words, and I hope you’ll continue to read and that my fic can continue to relieve stress. I--tried to write this about Mine, but Daigo kind of stole the spotlight a little??? I hope you still like it--if not, I will try a ficlet from Mine’s perspective too. I enjoy minedai a lot, but I haven’t had room to think out their dynamic yet, so this took me a while. 

Daigo’s no stranger to being desired. He’s attractive, he knows this—his mother’s beauty lives in his veins, and he’s always had the money to look after himself. Fancy soaps to wash his face, the invisible retainers to keep his teeth straight, fancy suits and skin-tight shirts to show off his frame. For all that Kiryu insists his charisma is something that comes from the soul, Daigo knows it wouldn’t be able to draw the sort of attention he does without being attractive.

Which is to say that Daigo’s not especially thrown off by the intensity of Mine’s gaze. It’s happened before, and it’ll happen again. The thing that surprises him is how much he relishes in being seen by Mine.

Maybe it’s because Mine’s an island in a stormy sea, one of the only yakuza his age who’s sensible and level-headed enough to make it big. Maybe it’s because Mine’s gaze is always so reserved, polite, never overly lusty or overstaying its welcome, and Daigo has so rarely been desired so quietly. Or maybe it’s because Majima and Kashiwagi so clearly disapprove of him—Daigo’s always been something of a rebel, and he hasn’t shaken that off, even now he’s in his thirties and is the arbiter of rules for the Tojo Clan.

Daigo can’t quite put a pin on why he’s so comfortable with Mine’s yearning looks, but he’s never been one to hold back when he wants to indulge in something good. Not exactly a hedonist, not by yakuza standards, but Daigo has never kept himself from enjoying life, in the name of some dubious ‘honour.’

Which is why, in an after-hours meeting with Mine, as they eat cheap takeout sushi together, Daigo takes his chance. A momentary slip, the slightest hint of wasabi left at the corners of Mine’s lips and Daigo swoops in, rubs a thumb over the corner of Mine’s lips. Mine stutters to a stop, mid-sentence through a rundown of the real-estate that the Hakuho Clan’s been purchasing up, and stares at Daigo, eyes bewildered.

“Sixth Chairman?” he asks, his voice still remarkably composed.

“Wasabi.” Daigo says, nonchalantly, as if it’s nothing, and sticks his thumb into his mouth, slowly licking it off with a lingering lave of his tongue. He feels a sharp stab of satisfaction as Mine’s eyes turn darker, and his gaze follows Daigo’s hand down.  

Daigo straightens up, languidly, and cracks his neck, casually. At this point in the day, he’s untucked his shirt, and he knows that a slight strip of his stomach will be visible when he stretches out his arms towards the ceiling. And as predictably as clockwork, Mine’s gaze darts downwards, to that pale expanse, to catch that brief second of skin. Daigo can’t help but feel warm. Something about being watched by Mine is exhilarating.

“Smoke?” offers Daigo, but as usual, Mine refuses, with a polite shake of his head.

Daigo knows from hearsay that Mine’s something a health-freak, so he’s not entirely surprised. It’s already too late for Daigo to preserve his health—he knows that his liver’s already been pretty ruined from long nights of binge-drinking as a youth, and this job’s too stressful to withhold from vices like smoking and drinking, without an optimal end-goal. So he walks over to the window, cracks it open a little, and lights up.

The breath of nicotine curls over his body, a tender caress, and Daigo feels his shoulders drop, as the relaxation hits. He pulls off his cufflinks, tosses them into his pockets and rolls up his sleeves. He takes it slow, runs his fingers over his skin a little more than strictly necessary. Surreptitiously checking the reflection in the window, Daigo watches Mine watch him, and smirks at how intense that gaze is, how Mine’s mouth has opened, and Daigo can just see the soft pink of his tongue.

“Dojima’s just fine, you know. When it’s just us two.” Daigo says, turning over his shoulder. He smiles, one of those charming smiles that had always gotten him whatever he wanted as a child, “We’re same-aged friends, after all.”

“Dojima-san.” Mine acknowledges, after a brief pause.

Daigo turns around, to properly look at Mine and lifts an eyebrow. “Dojima. Or Daigo, preferably. Dojima-san’s always my father in my head.”

Mine nods, face impassive. Daigo can’t read him like this. Maybe that’s why he likes when Mine stares at him, filled with longing. At least then, Daigo feels like he knows him. In moments like these, his implacable gazes might as well be a brick wall. “Right. Your Father was also in the Tojo Clan.”

Daigo smiles, wryly, and blows out a puff of smoke. “One of the most horrible men I’ve ever had the misfortune of meeting—and I had to call him Father. But damn if he wasn’t good at the job.” He sighs and stubs the cigarette out against the ashtray. “...sometimes feel like I’m competing with his dead spirit. Everybody’s looking at me and wondering if this is what my Father would do. Or what Kiryu-san would do.”

“You’re doing better than any of them.” Mine says, immediately, with a vicious ferocity that Daigo wasn’t expecting. He can’t quite stop his eyebrows rising in surprise, and Mine straightens upwards, looking self-conscious immediately. Daigo regrets his instinctual reaction, immediately. “That is to say, Dojima, that I think that you’ve pulled this Clan into somewhere far more respectable. From what I’ve heard of your Father, he didn’t have the temperament to do proper business on this level—too insistent on formal obeisance and unable to be flexible as the times require. And Kiryu-san might be very honourable, but we are yakuza. There are certain things you have to do as a Chairman, that he couldn’t bring himself to do. But you are practical and do what is necessary, while also not overstepping into excessive violence. You are uniquely suited for this job, Dojima.”

...he’s taken aback a little, he can’t deny it. Daigo wonders if his cheeks are colouring, wonders if his obvious shock is offputting, wonders if this is how Mine feels every time Daigo teases him lightly about his obvious attraction. A startling warmth spreads through his chest, and Daigo can’t stop the slight smile that touches his face. Has anybody ever said something so unreservedly kind and measured about Daigo before?

Maybe this is the difference between everybody else’s gazes on him, and Mine’s gaze. It’s based on something more than desire alone. Respect.

Daigo runs a hand over his slicked-back hair and ruffles it free, with a rueful smile, a smile that he couldn’t take away from his face, even if he tried. “I appreciate that. You know I couldn’t do it without you, right?”

He’d never really believed himself capable of attraction to a man like Mine. All of his previous childhood crushes had been on bright, cheerful conversational, pure-hearted people. Daigo had always figured they would balance out his sardonic cynicism. He’d never thought someone as reserved and principled as Mine would ever make his heart flutter. But then, there was something about that deep hunger and passion that Daigo craved. Perhaps it was because he was no longer the gloomy punk of his youth. Maybe his tastes have changed towards tall, dark and handsome. Maybe Mine’s just that special.

“Dojima—” Mine says, clearly trying to refute it, but Daigo cuts him off.

“I mean it. Everybody in this fucking Clan wants me to do something or be somebody else. Kashiwagi-san wants me to be my mother. Majima-san wants me to be Kiryu-san. Everybody else expects my Father. But not you. You deal with me honestly, and with candour, and never hold any expectations against me except success. I appreciate your faith in me.” Daigo takes a couple of steps forward, until his shoes almost brush up against Mine’s own. He leans down over Mine’s chair. “I could not do this without your backing and help. Truly. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone like you in my life. A true friend.”

Mine tilts his chin up to meet Daigo’s gaze, a hungry devotion in his eyes, and Daigo, for a moment, wonders if this is wrong. If he should hold back, like Kiryu would. But Daigo is Daigo, and Mine clearly wants him anyway, so he leans down and kisses him.

Mine’s mouth is velvety smooth and wet and hot and it is oh-so satisfying a feeling to put his hand against Mine’s broad neck and feel his warmth up against Daigo. He pulls back, with a satisfied sigh, and feels the burn of wasabi across his lips, a final parting kick.