#i would love to tell my 8 year old self that it gets better and we won't be suicidal when we grow up

[heavenlydreamangelflyhigh]

im trying to live day by day and take baby steps and its working but i still get the itch to kill myself every 8 hrs or so. better than every 30 mins.

[rizzanon]

childhood friend! Shinichiro Sano

part 1 (here) | part 2

childhood friend! Shinichiro whom you meet for the first time when you were both 8 years old at the playground, wondering why he was standing ontop of the jungle gym, looking at the distance

"Why are you standing up there?"

" 'cuz the view is nice!"

"....Weirdo.."

"H-Hey!"

childhood friend! Shinichiro whom you meet again a few weeks later at his grandfather's dojo where your parents signed you up for some taekwondo classes for self defense

"What are you doing here, weirdo?"

"Hey! I'm no weirdo! And this is my grandfather's place okay? I'm allowed to be here anytime I want!"

"Woahh, your grandfather's the teacher? That's cool!"

"I know right?!"

childhood friend! Shinichiro whom you become friends with over the next few days, watching him miserably fail to show off execute the moves his grandfather taught him to you

"HAHAHAH! You suck at this, y'know."

"Shut up! You don't have to tell me something I already know."

"At this rate, I can beat you easily in a spar..!"

"In your dreams!"

childhood friend! Shinichiro who introduces you to his only other friend, Takeomi, and the two of you hit it off very well (much to Shinichiro's dismay)

"I didn't think Shin had other friends."

T- "Neither did I, I thought he made you up."

"H-Hey! What's with this mockery!!?"

childhood friend! Shinichiro who ends up going to the same middle school and high school as you much to his delight

"You better stop slacking and start putting in effort in your studies Shin!"

"What are you, my mother?"

-smacks his head-

"Ouch! Okay, okay! I get it!"

childhood friend! Shinichiro who hates the fact that his siblings (Manjiro and Emma) love you as much as he does

"Seriously?? I can't believe you all are ganging up on me like this...!—Fake sobs—My very own siblings..."

"It's your fault that I'm just better, heheh."

E- "Yeah! She's way kinder to us that you are, Shin!"

"What?? But I'm always nice to you both too!"

M- "Plus, she always buys us our favourite snacks too!!"

"Bribery at it's finest... I can't believe this.."

childhood friend! Shinichiro who always goes to you to get treated whenever he's injured after fighting with other people

"Let me guess, you got into another fight again?"

"Ding ding ding! You guessed correct! Too bad there's no prize."

"Ha. Ha. Very funny Shin. Why don't you go and see an actual doctor to get your injuries treated?"

"Why would I do that when I have you who'll fix me up every time?"

childhood friend! Shinichiro who always goes to your class during lunch break to find you whenever he forgets to bring his own bento (was it on purpose? you don't know), knowing that you always make extra for him just in case

"Well, well, well, look who decides to forget to bring his bento for the third time this week?"

"Heheh, about that..."

"Don't worry, I made extra food for you."

"Aww, so you do care about me."

"Don't push it, Shin."

childhood friend! Shinichiro who worries that his rising reputation as a delinquent might bring down your reputation as well

"Are you sure you still want to be friends with me? I get it if you don't want to-"

"I already told you, I don't care what people think about me. What matters is what you think of me. That's all."

"...."

"Besides, who else will treat your wounds other than me, hm?"

childhood friend! Shinichiro who begs asks you to ride with him on his bike, promising you that he would keep you safe

"You want me to what??!"

"Come on...! Ride with me just this once! I promise you won't fall off."

"If I die, the blame's on you."

"Wha- You won't die! And I'll make sure nothing happens to you."

childhood friend! Shinichiro who introduces you to his other two friends in Black Dragons, Wakasa and Benkei, hoping you'd feel more reassured about him leading a gang and being a delinquent after meeting his closest friends

B- "Woah, didn't know you had a girl, Shin. Who's she?"

"What?"

W- "Let's be real, Shin can't flirt for his life."

"Hey! That's rude! I so have game."

"Game of a rock, you mean."

"Oi!"

childhood friend! Shinichiro who finds solace in you after every time he gets rejected by a girl he asks out much to your dismay (this was the 20th time)

"I don't get it. What am I doing wrong??!"

"It's simple. You're the problem."

"Rude... but seriously, why won't any girl date me? I'm certainly not that bad of a boyfriend if they gave me a chance...!"

"Well firstly, do you even have any interest in any of those girls you asked out? How do you even move on so easily?!?"

"If you put it like that... no, not really. I just want to date someone for the highschool experience y'know..!"

-smacks his head-

"Ouch!"

"No wonder no girl ever takes your confession seriously. Plus, your hair is so gelled up, no girl's gonna like that... Once a weirdo, always a weirdo."

childhood friend! Shinichiro who listens to your advice, and stops using gel as often as he used to on his hair, sometimes leaving his hair down to find out what you'd say about it

"You didn't put gel on your hair today?"

"Nope, I was kind of in a rush today, haha.."

"Well... you look... better like this, if I'm being honest."

"R-Really??"

"Yeah, keep this up and someday, a girl might accept your confession."

childhood friend! Shinichiro who tells you about the rumors he's been hearing around the school, about how many of the students thought you and him were dating and how he wasn't so opposed to the idea of that

"Wait, seriously?? People think we're dating?!?"

"My reaction exactly. I can't believe they think we're dating!"

"Not that I would mind that though..."

"Hm? What did you say?"

"??! You're hearing things, Shin. I didn't say anything at all..."

Part 2

m.list

[ladykailitha]

Icarus Part 9

Hello and welcome back to this wonderful fic! Like I've said before having a set schedule for each story got hard and I've resorted to posting on vibes alone.

This week's vibes are all over the place because of the pain in my elbow. It's getting better but it's taking every ounce of self-control and self-preservation I have not write as many words a day as I can to make up for lost time and slowly work my way back up to my old schedule so I don't re-injure it.

But as I've said, if you want to see a specific work more often, drop me an ask and I'll see what I can do.

Here we have Eddie being a sweetheart and Steve and his friends being dorks.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

****

NDAs were such a large part of Steve’s life he couldn’t remember a time he didn’t have them. For everything.

Even producers had to sign them before they could even breathe in the direction of The Fallen in the recording studio.

It was an exhausting but necessary part of his life. Just like the locked room in his apartment.

Shane and Spence had done an amazing job with Steve’s little notebook of song material. And shocker, only two of them were love songs. Most of the rest of the songs were about trying to survive in a world you had to hide.

He knew that a lot of critics would tell them to lose the masks if it bothered them so much, but at this point Steve didn’t care. They were working on their third album in three years and he was fucking tired.

“Again, from the top,” the producer said into the com. “Abbadon you got a little pitchy on the second line. Watch it. Astraeus, you’re coming in too early. It’s duh-ba-ba-dun and then you come in. You’re coming in on the first ba.”

Steve and Shane nodded and they began again.

Steve’s brain thought it was going to melt out of his ears. He had a test for his certification after today’s session in the studio and he was sure all the information would have leaked out by then.

But apparently Steve’s brain went on autopilot taking the test, and not only did he pass, he passed with full marks.

Spence clapped Steve shoulder. “Hey, man if this whole rockstar gig ever falls apart, you should come be an EMT with me.”

Steve grinned back. That wasn’t a bad idea actually. With his lifeguard training and his affinity for thinking well under pressure, it really was the ideal job.

“I might just take you up on that.”

They broke up for the day and as Steve was putting away his guitar his phone rang.

“Hey, Eds,” he greeted.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Eddie replied. “How did your test go?”

“I aced it!” Steve said, bouncing on the tips of his toes in excitement.

“What?” Eddie cried. “Baby, that’s so amazing! We’ll definitely go out tonight and celebrate. But that’s not the reason I’m calling.”

“Oh?” Steve asked.

“How far are you guys into the album?” Eddie asked, hesitantly.

Steve frowned for a moment. He looked over at Spence and Hopper. They had all had a really rough session today and it had become almost grueling in a way that the other two albums never felt.

“Not as far as we’d like,” Steve admitted. If anyone knew what they were going through it was Eddie.

“I’m sorry, babe,” Eddie commiserated. “Would it be better to continue at it or take break touring?”

Steve scratched his cheek thoughtfully. It would be nice to actually take time with the album and not push it out as quickly as possible.

“A break for sure,” Steve murmured. “We’re on our third album in three years, and even though we just got back from a tour, it was less exhausting than being in the studio right now.”

Eddie was silent for a moment. “Have you thought about changing the studio you’re working in? Sometimes a change of scenery can help.”

“I guess we could try,” Steve muttered. “I just didn’t think we had that kind of pull with the record label yet. I’ll call Robin later and see what she can do.”

Eddie hummed in agreement. “So the reason I was asking, babe, is that they have given us a choice of two sets of dates. One that would start at the beginning of the new year and one that would start next summer. And since we’re taking you with us, our management is going to coordinate with yours.”

“Oh.”

Steve wasn’t sure which he would prefer, if he was being honest. “Can I talk to my boys and get back to you on that?”

“Sure thing, Stevie,” Eddie said fondly. “You can tell all about what you guys decided when we meet up for drinks tonight, how does that sound?”

Steve let out a little sigh of relief. “Yeah, that sounds great, Eds. Text me the details.”

“You’ve got it!” Eddie said and then they both said their goodbyes and hang up.

More work, Steve thought mournfully. He didn’t want more work. He was tired and miserable and he should have been happy. The record was liking the album so far, they were about to go on tour with the biggest metal band in the world, he was dating Eddie. Why wasn’t he happy?

He put his head in his hands and forced himself to breathe. He knew that a lot of what he was feeling was being forced to wait when he didn’t want to.

That even if he was out as Abbadon, he couldn’t be out with Eddie. Both of their labels would have literal bitch fits. They could be out to their friends, but as far as the media went, that was off limits. Being bisexual or gay was better now, but it could still tank their careers if they came out with actual same sex partners. Steve’s career especially, new as it was.

Steve let out a low shuddering breath. This whole masked identities shit was tough. He didn’t know how those other bands could handle it. Maybe the difference was that their families knew. He honestly didn’t know.

But he had chosen to walk down this road. When they first started playing and getting turned away by how they looked, they chose to not change themselves, but to become someone else. And it worked and he really couldn’t argue with the results.

Steve loved his job. He loved that he got be in a band with his best friends and that his platonic soulmate was their manager. He loved getting out there on stage and singing his heart out. But it was hard sometimes.

He pulled out his phone and called Robin. “Hey, what are the label’s requirement on getting this album done? Like does it have to be at this studio with this producer?”

“One sec,” Robin said, pulling it up on her computer. She scanned the document complete with searching for key words. “Doesn’t look like it. Why? What’s up?”

“You know how we’ve hit a wall in the studio?” Steve asked around chewing on his thumb.

She scoffed. Of course she knew. “And you’re thinking a change of venue might help or at the very least a new producer?”

“Yeah...” Steve said. “Eddie suggested it, but I wasn’t sure if we had that kind of clout with the record label.”

Robin was quiet on the line, but Steve could feel the cogs in her head turn. “I’ll get on it.”

“Thanks,” he said, breathing out a sigh of relief. “Did Eddie’s label send over the tour dates?”

“Let’s see...” she hummed. “Yup! I’m reading through them... and I’m guessing you to talk with everyone before making a final decision?”

“Right in one,” Steve said. “Preferably with whether or not we get someone else in to produce.”

“You’ve got it, babe,” she said. “Does this have a deadline?”

“Eddie said he would like to know by tonight,” he said, “but I can tell him we’re still working things out and that’s we’ll get back to him.”

“That would be ideal, yes.”

Steve huffed out a laugh. “I’ll still talk to the boys and at least get a feel for what they’re thinking even if we can’t shift producers or studio.”

“Sounds good,” Robin said. “I’ll get back to you as soon as I learn anything.”

He hung up and pulled up the group chat and messaged his friends to meet at his place. He had stuff he wanted to talk with them regarding upcoming tour dates.

Simon and Shane texted back immediately. Spence had left them on read for about fifteen minutes before responding with a question about how long they would be.

And then the ribbing began.

-Oohh...you with that girl?- Shane

-He totally is!!- Simon

-Pics or it didn’t happen- Steve

-Pics!- Simon

-Yeah, man, is she cute?- Shane

-Why do you care, Shane? You’re gay- Spence

-Because like a flower I can appreciate the feminine form, even if I don’t want to fuck it- Shane

Pic comes in of Spence on his couch with a gorgeous dark-skinned woman with soulful eyes and long black hair.

-Meet Nadia

-Lucky guy!- Simon

-That’s quite the flower :P- Shane

-Yeahhh...I’m sorry, man, as much as I would like to let you stay with your lady love, we really need to talk. Business. :(

-I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. -Spence

-lol! You keep telling yourself that and maybe one day I’ll believe you- Shane

-GASP! Spence doesn’t love us! :’(- Simon

-Damn it. Fine I love you all- Spence

-Simon uses sad emoji against Spence, it’s super effective! (pokeball emoji)- Steve

-Meet at my place as soon as you can- Steve

There was the usual chorus of affirmative responses and Steve set down his phone.

He looked up at the ceiling as he huffed out a sigh. His friends were on the way, Robin was trying to fix the problem with them hitting a brick wall making their album, and Eddie was supportive.

It helped that Spence was dating now, too. They could commiserate about their love lives.

Simon hated that while he could get girls as Asmodeus but not as himself he swore off dating until he found someone who liked him for him and not just because he was a rock god.

Shane just liked having fun. Wherever that took him. Usually gay bars with lots of booze and dancing.

They weren’t “rich and famous” enough for the wild parties and shit. At least not yet. They were getting a lot traction with their second major album though so that was probably going to change fast.

Steve just glad that he would have Eddie and Robin holding his hand though this.

He looked over at the contract on his table and sighed. Like Spence, he really did love his job. And he knew that there were hundreds of bands wishing to be in his shoes.

He could do this.

He was, after all Abbadon, lead singer of The Fallen and he knew how to do this shit.

****

Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25

Tag List:

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[gothamite-rambler]

Bruce meeting his son Damian pt. 2

Context: After Bruce Wayne has regained his bearings and been dragged to a lounge room at Ra's castle and has been retold that he has a son with Talia, Jason knew and now his in-law is Ra's Al Ghul. (links to the first two parts below).

Bruce, still in his bat suit, rested on the ground in Talia's study trying to remain his usual calm and composed self, but can only repeat a mantra.

Talia: Bruce, my former love, are you feeling better?

Bruce (monotone and stunned): I have a child with Talia. I have a child with Talia. I have a... child with Talia. I have a child with Talia. I have a child with Talia...

Talia: You are being such a drama king, can you not be happy that that our night of passion produced a child.

Bruce (whimpering): Oh God I'm linked to you through a child!

Bruce buried his face on the floor groaning loudly.

Talia (angry): My father was right, you would hate Damian! If you're going to be like this then you won't be around him!

Bruce (clarifying): I do not hate Damian. I hate you. There's a difference. And you are not depriving me of any further time with him!

Talia shook with rage, but chose to not stab him, taking a long sip from her tea to calm herself.

Bruce: I didn't even get the name of Thomas Jr.! Although Damian isn't a bad name. This is not what I needed though, I can't believe I'm a father again.

Talia: Bruce, while I don't care much for your Robins, you raised three kids already! For Ra's sake, you adopted Dick when he was 8!

Bruce: I wasn't secretly his biological father, unaware he existed because the petty mother and her psychotic father refused to inform me of that!

Talia (honest): Well when you word it like that it makes us look bad.

Bruce (calm, but enraged): Talia, how old is Damian again?

Talia (deadpan): He turned eight a few months ago.

Bruce (panicked): That's what I'm FUCKING saying! I missed another birthday, he's been around- Oh my God it just dawned on me he's been around Ra's Al Ghul. Ra is that precious boy's grandfather. Oh… no.

Talia smiled hearing Bruce call their son precious.

Talia: You're stressed and shocked about having a child that I neglected to tell you about, for your own safety as well, but we can co-parent him since you know about him now.

Bruce (V.O.): That's not the point, he is my son you loony tune!

Bruce (outloud): Thank you so much for giving me that option eight years later. I'm not upset I have a son, that's... fine. You are correct about the fact I've raised three kids, working on things with Jason, but yes I'm not new to parenting. I’m having a lot of racing thoughts because the woman I thought I cut off ties with is now linked to me through said innocent child. Oh and the fact you kept him secret for eight years!

Talia (missing the point): Our relationship wasn't that bad. You have to admit we had good times together.

Bruce sat up, bringing his knee to his head and thinking about the good times... Those bad times entered the narrative quickly.

Talia: Bruce, it was for the best I never informed you of Damian’s existence earlier, father would’ve killed you.

Bruce: You refused to tell ME I had a son, because your father who bathes in the pit when he has a cold might’ve killed me? That’s what you’re trying to tell me… you’re telling me that as if I can’t fight for myself!

Talia (hesitantly): I made… what I assumed was the smartest decision.

Bruce: Yeah Kim thought the same thing with J.D. on Scrubs, at least he found out before the baby was born.

Talia: Okay I did not watch much of that crap show, but don’t compare me to that woman, I’m ten times better than her! Plus our night of passion was far different from what they did.

Bruce: No, it was a one night stand. A fun one, I won’t deny that, but one I had planned to be a ONE NIGHT STAND! I'm supposed to be smart, why did I buy those condoms, why did I put one in my wallet?

Talia: You are pissing me off to no end, but slip-ups like this can happen to the best of us. Neither of us expected a condom with the word 'condom' misspelled on it would break so easily.

Bruce: I can't ignore the fact you had him around that man. You let him talk to Damian, be around Damian, probably teach him how to kill. I am burying so much rage at the moment, but it's a thin thread, Talia. It's a thin thread!

Talia rolled her eyes while drinking from her tea cup.

Talia: I'll have you know, my childhood was only filled with normal discipline, he stabbed me in my ankle three times and then stopped. Mostly because I expected those sneak attacks.

Bruce: Talia, I swear to Christ if he has done that to Damian I will murder him three times.

Talia: No... not that I'm aware of.

Talia took another long sip from her cup while glancing away from Bruce.

Bruce (despondent): I've been deprived of that cute boy's eight years of growing up. He could have had a semi-normal childhood. I saw you with the baby too, but I thought nobody would be STUPID enough to have a kid with you. I'm the stupid one.

Talia (smirking): You think he's cute?

Bruce whimpered to signify he meant yes.

Talia: Our DNA worked together well.

Talia giggled, but Bruce wasn't in the mood.

Bruce: You're as delusional as I remember.

Talia: Bruce, get up, sit next to me. Have some tea.

Bruce stood up and sat a good distance from Talia. He removed his cowl and sighed accepting he had a son with Talia, but his worry for his child's safety remained.

Bruce: I'm glad I'm not shooting blanks, the issue is- I mean no offense... kind of do- I did not want a child with you after I realized I can't be with someone like you. You and I have clashing ideals and now we have a child. I have to co-parent with a woman who harassed a Kohl's worker to the point the woman got institutionalized ... and that's the tame shit! What am I going to tell Damian about your entire history?

Talia: Okay first of all, that worker was racist, she had it coming and second, I've made decisions you do not agree with, some that I don't look back on fondly, but for most of Damian's childhood I raised him with the love I barely got from my father. I'm doubting the decision to raise him as an assassin.

Bruce: I can make the final decision there, he's not becoming one.

Talia (chuckling dryly): Guess we'll have to compromise with what Damian wants. To be honest, Bruce I'm not that mad with your overall reaction, but I'm glad the issue isn't our son. Because whether you want to be with me or not, I want you to be a part of his life. Eight years later, yes, but I've known you for a long time and I see now you'll be a great father to him.

Bruce (rubbing his forehead): Freaking reassuring after I missed so much of his life... He's leaving today with me and will never return here again. Yeah, yeah that's a good first step as his father.

Talia: Okay, let's test the co-parenting here. How about you take him to Gotham and spend a few weeks with him so that way he can get to know you more. You're rich, not as much as us, but hopefully he'll be used to your lifestyle.

Bruce (serious): You said that as if he's visiting for vacation and then returning to this kingdom of evilness. He's not returning here! Ever!

Talia: Oh come on, I'm raising him incredibly well.

Bruce: Around Ra's Al Ghul?

Talia: Y- Yes. On his birthday we have him fight assassins and punishments aren't that bad, but last birthday he didn't have to do that I was generous.

Bruce (seething): You had him fight assassins?! What punishments- You got me fucked me, Talia! You got me fucked up! You have me talking like I'm from lower Jersey! I get you find me silly for wearing an awesome batsuit to save the city, but let me make this clear: He's living with me, I am taking... custody of him. I'm getting his stuff, he'll get on my jet and Gotham will be his permanent home! That is my son! Not just yours and damn sure not Ra's! I have a say in my son's life!

Talia (impressed): Okay, I like this energy. He'll want to return here for proper raising, I'm confident in that, but he can spend two or three months with you and then we'll humor him and see who he wants to stay with.

Bruce: Me. Me. He's living with me. I might have him visit- What am I saying?! You can visit him, I won't deprive YOU of being around him. Not Ra because if he hurts him any further, I will BEAT that man to an inch of his life and render him comatose!

Talia (pretending to be ignorant): Yeah, he'll stay for a let's say a year. I'm getting what you're putting down.

Bruce: You're seriously not! Talia look into my eyes, Damian WAYNE will be living with me from here on out. Got it?!

Talia stood up, placing her tea cup on the table.

Talia: Mm-hm, Mm-hm, Mm-hm, we'll see what Damian decides. Aren’t you happy I gave him your last name.

Bruce rubbed his forehead, trying not to cuss Talia out. She wasn't always the most stable person especially when it involved allegiance to her father, but he was resolute in his decision.

Damian would not set foot back in that castle for as long as Bruce lived. Although he accepted there was no point in arguing with Talia.

Talia (standing up): I'll go tell him to pack his things, you're going to have to talk to my father and I'm not sure if you remember this, you blacked out at a certain point, but Jason was fully aware I had the child, kept it secret for this long-term revenge, Damian has visited Gotham to be babysat by him, and he helped raise him for 8 years. He was actually the one who told me a few months ago it was time to let you see him so don't be too hard on the kid. Okay, whew got that off my chest. Damian, let's talk!

Talia scurried out of the room as Bruce stood there, shocked at this new information. He had blocked out that particular part, remembering it now made his face turn red with rage.

Bruce (whispering in rage): He had his reasons. He had his reasons. He had ... his reasons. He ...had his reasons. He had his... reasons. He had me send him that money for three years after I SAVED him and he sat on his information until a few months ago!

Bruce left the tea room in a huff.

Bruce: Jason, let's talk!

"You knew this entire time?"

Bruce find out about Damian

Jason knew the entire time

[sunatoru]

a hopeless romantic all my life.

⇒ osamu x hopeless romantic!reader

summary : struggling to find your true love, you decide to give up on searching for a relationship, turns out the phrase “love finds you when you aren’t looking.” has some merit to it.

warnings : none that i can tell!

genre : fluff , self indulgent asf, maybe a little tiny hint of hurt/comfort?

a/n : sick of men disappointing me, literally am never confessing to a guy ever again. WHY ARE THE MEN IN AUSTRALIA SO LAME WAAAAAAAA

w/c : 1.5k

you were first introduced to love through fairytales and fantasies at the age of five. by the age of 8 you believed you’d get your own fairytale love, you’d expressed your biggest dreams and wishes to the pearly white star in the sky. by the age of 13 you were determined to fall in love with your soulmate, full of hopes that he existed and was searching just as impatiently for you.

by the age of 19 you realised fairytales were a scam and that cupid would not be shooting you, or the stranger who offered his parking spot during your parallel parking struggles, with his blessed arrow of love. you’d done everything to make the process easier for that big-cheeked baby with the heart shaped bow. dating apps and school clubs, confessing to every guy you had feelings for, begging your friends to put in a good word with the cute guy in their class, yet nothing ever stuck.

so you gave up, if cupid wasn’t going to give you the romance anime love you craved so badly, you’d stop trying so hard. you resigned from putting any more time or effort into love, so sure that it wasn’t real and was not worth searching for.

and yet, here you are standing in front of the miya osamu, the cute chef in training at the restaurant owned by your uncle. so maybe the onigiri’s he’d given you during every visit were his way of expressing his affections for you, or maybe he genuinely needed someone to try out his recipes as he worked his way through his culinary course and his job at the ramen store. either way, your heart fluttered as he stared at you.

“i- uh…” your mouth opened and closed in shock, as you tried processing everything that just happened within the short span of five minutes.

8 year old yn would be kicking her feet in excitement, and 13 year old yn would be in awe that someone as handsome and as hardworking as osamu was interested in you. 18 year old yn would’ve been certain that you’d never see the day someone would turn the tables and confess to you instead.

“i’m sorry, it was all kind of sudden, i know. a-and i understand if you're off put by it or if you’re just not interested but-” he stopped his rambling as he noticed the wide grin slowly forming on your face, a bright and genuine smile that made his heart skip a beat and his face feel ten times hotter than it did a moment ago.

“‘samu, i’d love to get to know you better, maybe we could go on a date? when you’re free of course!”

“a date? a date! yes, okay— i’ll get back to you on when i’m free, could i- uh, get your number?”

and with that you secured a possible date with the boy who had been nothing more than your uncle’s apprentice. you made your way home with a satisfied smile on your face and a heart pumping loudly with the adrenaline that still courses through you. nothing could ruin your mood in that moment.

—

two weeks of radio silence from the man who confessed, two weeks of false hope and tears in your room, left to comfort and berate yourself all alone. you felt so stupid, to be crying over some guy who just happened to feed you the best onigiri and ramen you’d ever eaten and had made you feel so special, you just couldn’t convince yourself that he wasn’t worth your time or tears.

you avoided your uncle’s shop for a few weeks in hopes of avoiding samu in the process, however, after two more weeks of that, your luck had run out. your mother left you with the task of delivering the aprons she’d fixed up for the cozy little ramen store.

begrudgingly, you picked up the stack of folded aprons, holding them under your arm as you huffed and puffed all through your journey to the infamous shop.

from the outside, the place brought a great sense of comfort, a paper lantern to the right of the door that emitted a soft glow and warmth if you got close enough. the tiles to the roofing were a midnight grey and the two windows on the front of the shop had the curtains drawn halfway, still allowing you to see the orange glow of the interior lights. the smell of the freshly made ramen had you salivating, the strong smell of sesame oil or the sizzling of the meat being grilled had you reaching for the handle before you could second guess your decision.

“uncle! i brought your aprons—” the man on the other side of the door was, unfortunately, not your uncle. instead, samu stood over the grill with one hand on his hip, the other using a wooden paddle to push around the meat in front of him. samu glanced at the door before looking back down at the food.

“he isn’t here today, sprained his wrist this morning and asked me to watch over the store for the night.”

you blinked, once, twice before deflating. “oh… i’ll just leave the aprons in the back then…” awkwardly, you coughed before shuffling past him and the bar into the back room where the security and staff room was.

with a sigh you dropped the aprons on the cluttered table, not paying any mind to what it fell on or knocked over. what a dick you thought as you ruminate over the short interaction you just had with the main cause of all your dilemmas in the past two weeks. he barely even glanced at you!

you huffed, pouting as you pushed the door open, ready to just ignore his existence and scurry home as quickly as possible. but of course, the universe liked using you as its favourite punching bag, and so instead of sneaking your way out of the store that once brought you great comfort, you run straight into the sturdy and broad chest of the one and only osamu miya.

he stared down at you quietly, a furrow in his brows and his lips pursed. he stared deeply into your eyes with a mix of concern and frustration, he took a deep breath before he finally broke the staring battle.

“if you weren’t interested, you could’ve told me that day, you didn’t need to give me a fake number.” osamu’s voice was quiet, the disappointment and sadness seeping through his words.

you gaped up at him, the audacity of this man! he was the one who stood you up, and yet you’re being blamed?

“i messaged you everyday, miya. don’t act like i was the one who wasn’t interested, when you were the one who ignored me.”

“what? what are you talking about, you never messaged me!” he fished his phone out, opening up the messaging app and forcefully pushed his phone into your hands, the message thread between the two of you being left empty save for the few messages he had sent.

“…wait what?” you mumbled to yourself, pulling your own phone out to show him your own messages.

the two of you stared down at the screens in confusion, you opened the contact information for both of you, staring down at the numbers.

“this is your number right, osamu?” you held your phone up at him, while you looked down at his phone to confirm your number.

…confirm that it was in fact not the right number.

“osamu… why is my number wrong?” you look up at the man incredulously, as he reciprocated the look. “i could ask you the same thing.” he grumbled.

you both stood in silence for a few seconds before he let out a relieved laugh. hand wiping down his face as he walked backwards towards the cooking area. you followed quietly, mind reeling at the thought that this was most likely just a huge misunderstanding.

“i guess maybe in the excitement we both just mistyped the numbers? thank god, you almost broke my heart yn!”

your scoff was mixed with a laugh as you sat on the stool by the bar. “speak for yourself, i was crying for a good week, almost two.” you sheepishly rubbed your cheeks in hopes that your embarrassment would disappear.

the two of you talked as he worked throughout the night, ending it off with him walking you home and giving his actual number, double checking that it was right by calling him before he left. when you walked through the door of your house, you kicked off your shoes in the entrance in excitement, hopping up the short platform and sprinting to your room.

you dropped onto your bed with a squeal, feeling all the emotions of love and envy exploding within you like fireworks. you could feel your younger self applauding you for not messing things up and cheering you on as you worked towards accomplishing her dreams.

with a sigh you glanced outside the window, staring at the bright star in the night sky. “sorry for not believing in you, thanks for listening to my wishes…” you smiled softly before reaching for your phone, pulling open samu’s contact.

‘so, about that date. what about a trip to the aquarium?’

[circulinho]

Restless

"The circles under your eyes are getting darker each time we meet"

Were the words that came out of his mouth the moment he got close enough to talk to me.  A few months ago and I would've found his choice of words rude, offensive even. However experience has taught me to look beyond his sharp remarks, he's not trying to offend me, this is his strange way of asking 'is everything alright?'.

Whilst he may not be the most skilled conversationalist there is, Levi is probably the most caring individual I've ever met. I know he's worried, his dark circles trigger the same feeling in me.

"I could say the same to you"

Levi is a fine man, in pretty much all aspects: he's knowledgeable, honest, calm, handsome... One could argue that the scars and the blinded eye make him unfit for the word 'handsome', but I couldn't disagree more.

The way his pale skin reflects the morning rays of the sun is ethereal, when directly receiving the radiation his skin glows like a mother-of-pearl. The greyish eye that stares at me reminds me faintly of stormy skies, so much so that I can almost smell petrichor. His ravenette strands, forever kept in an undercut, contrast perfectly with his fair skin in a way that feels almost poetic, like Yin and Yang in perfect harmony, complementing each other effortlessly.

I'm convinced  that this man is nature's masterpiece, and it takes great self control on my part not to slip into a trance and marvel at him for the rest of the day.

"Well, yeah I haven't had a decent night of sleep since I was 8 years old, but that's not the case for you. So what's been keeping you awake?"

You! Levi Ackerman, you've been keeping me awake! Although I don't think it's fair to put the blame on you, after all you don't steal my sleep on purpose.

One week- that's how long I've been depriving myself of a good night of sleep. Last week I figured out a bunch of 'whys': why I always turned so fast after hearing the doorbell of the bakery ring, why I'm so eager to be the one serving you, why whenever I went out shopping my eyes would linger on the teacups and I'd wonder if you would like them, why I started buying more brands of teas for you to try, why I stopped adding so much sugar to my infusions, why I always found the day to be gloomy when you didn't show up, why bought a book about tea brewing so I wouldn't serve you a 'shitty cup of tea' anymore, why your dirty mouth never bothered me, why I never seem to notice how much time we spent talking until you pointed it out, why my blood boiled that one day you showed up with a pretty woman by your side, why I found the darkest days so easy to go through after talking to you.

The why is: Love.

Levi you stole my heart, and took my sleep along with you. When night comes and I'm waiting for the slumber to catch me, your face appears in my mind, our conversations replay in my head like a loop, my imagination wanders freely with tooth achingly sweet thoughts...

But then anxiety comes, and what was once sweet turns bitter, 'he doesn't like you that way', 'the age gap would mine the relationship', 'you're a coward that can't even ask him out'.

But of course I'm not telling you that.

"Tea. I've been training my brewing skills so I can please my favorite customer"

SNK does not belong to me.

This is a sample of a story I've been thinking about writing. Please feel free to give your critics, I'd like to evolve my writing abilities and there's nothing better than good feedback.

This is my first time posting a story, please bear my lack of skills in pampering the post.

[melanieph321]

Gabriel Medina x Reader - Untamable Part 7/8

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Reader spends the summer with her first love, Gabriel Medina, for him to get a chance to know their three year old son. However, both Reader and Gabriel struggle to keep their feelings at bay.

Enjoy 💞

For some reason, this summer felt warmer than the previous, more peaceful than the previous and ultimately happier than the previous. Even when it rained, the heat lingered in the air as a solemn comfort that your family was whole again.

"Gammy, gammy, look at me!"

"I'm looking baby, I'm looking."

Because you didn't stay with her anymore, Vovó frequently made the effort to come to Maresias and watch Nemo surf the whitewash. She was his biggest cheerleader just like she had been yours.

"He's getting better." She said, tilting her body until nudging yours. The two of you sat on a blanket on the beach, your toes digging deep into the warm sand.

"It's getting impossible to keep him away."

Nemo was definitely finding his attachment to the water, his strongest resemblance to his dad. That and his untamable hair, now growing way past the nape of his neck.

"Are you worried?"

"No." You smiled. The sight of your son failing to find the balance on his surfboard, tumbling head first into the shallow water, would have left you livid not too long ago. Now it amused you. "He's in safe hands."

Nemo got back up on his board with the help of Gabriel and his sister Sophia. They helped him align himself with the next wave, pushing him into it, cheering for him as he successfully got back up on his feet.

Vovó turned to you. Another question in her restful expression. There was a tug of your heart as you took her in, her age, revealed through the numerous creases and wrinkles on her forhead and around her eyes. She will be leaving you soon. Everyone eventually leaves you.

"I have no doubt that Gabriel have your best interests at heart...."

Your eyes fell to where Vovó had gone to rest her hand over yours. "But not everyone from his side of the family does."

"I know." You nodded. But Gabriel would never let his mother come between us again. He even said so himself."

Vovó made a sound, a murmur deep down in her throat, that you could only be interpreted as skepticism.

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing." She shirped, her lips pouting.

"Vovó. If you have something to say, say it."

Her chest rose when she sighed. "I sense a storm coming."

"A storm? Really Vovó?"

"Yes, a storm. In the name of that old hag."

You rolled your eyes.

"I mean it, querida. I worry for my grandchild and my little fish." Her smile made the seriousness of her words fade as your attention drew back to the water where Nemo and Sophia continued playing.

Perhaps Vovó was right. Maybe Gabriel's mother would come for you again. However, what was the worry, when this time Gabriel would be on your side?

********************************************

"You gold digging bitch!"

As predicted, Gabriel's mother rentered your life in dramatic fashion. "If you don't get your gold digging self out of my son's house, I'll make sure to get rid of you myself...... "

"Mamãe!" Gabriel and Sophia hissed in unison. "Please, stop it."

While Gabriel took you and Nemo aside Sophia, step forward, a magnitude of guilt displayed on her face. Her mother's discovery of the rekindle of your relationship with Gabriel's happened through the mouths of Sophia's friends. Up until that, Sophia had snuck to visit her brother without telling her parents that you had moved in with him.

Nevertheless all good things came to an end.

"Listen to me Gaby. She is using you! She and her shamless family have been plotting against you for years!"

Sophia held her back. "Mamãe, you're embarrassing yourself."

"For years!"

She was blocked out of your view by Gabriel, who placed his hands on your shoulders, his eyebrows furrowed, expressing his worry for you. "I'll get rid of her. I promise."

"Okay." You squealed. Nemo clung to your neck, sensing your distress. You had no clue on how to explain that the crazy woman yelling at you was his grandmother.

"Mamãe, please." Sophia pleaded, struggling to get her mother to leave the house with her. She wouldn't budge, at least not until she had spoken to Gabriel.

"Have you no shame?" He said, fuming as he approached his mother. "You barge into my home, causing a scene by threatening my wife."

"Please Gabriel, you don't know about her. She's only using you for child support. Look, I have proof."

"I said quit it, mom." He watched as she fumbled for something in her purse, a copy of a document. "Once and for all, won't you just give it a rest. Y/N is the mother of my child. Of course, I'm gonna pay her child support."

"But you don't have to. At least not for the past six months."

"What?"

She held up the document as if it was a holy scripture meant to cast out the demon in their life. "She has a fiance, and it says so right here."

Gabriel fell silent, casting a swift glance at the document before slowly turning to you. "Y/N, is this true?"

"Don't bother asking her for the truth querido. Everything that comes out of that bitch mouth is a lie."

"Mom."

"Oh shut up Sophia."

Your heart pounded in your chest, caught between a fairytale and a nightmare all the same. However, the only thing that mattered was the truth. You could see it in Gabriel's eyes, demanding answers from you.

"The private investigator I hired tells me that Y/N here is soon to be married to one Dr. Victor Nuñes, ain't that right?"

"I..." It doesn't matter. Nothing you said mattered because the look on Gabriel's face, the pure tournament, told you who's word he believed.

And just like that, summer came to an end, and so did your fairytale.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

[slytherintrikru]

|| It Wasn’t A Dream ||

— Part 1 —

Pairing: Severus Snape x gryffindor!student!reader (she’s of age) 

Word count: 1904

Warnings: anxiety, angst, crush, older man/younger woman, she is of age, cuss words, pet names, an OOC Severus?, SFW (if I missed anything please let me now)

Summary: Y/N couldn’t stop daydreaming about her potions professor so she did what any insane person would do. She went and confessed her feelings to him. Will he accept her feelings and return them back? Or will he reject her? Read to find out. (SHE’S OF AGE)

Requested: by no one this is my idea 

A/N: hi- I’m a new writer and this is my first post one-shot on tumblr (I already posted this on Ao3). I know this probably sucks because I have a hard time to write what I imagine and feel but I hope you like it. Please give tips and feedback no matter what it is so I can make my writing better. Also in this hogwarts has 8 years of hogwarts and the reader is 18 almost 19 years old.

| Masterlist |

| Navigation |

Y/N sat at their desk, surrounded by textbooks and notes, in her warm and cozy Gryffindor common room,

but their mind was miles away. Thoughts of Severus Snape consumed her every waking moment, her heart yearning to confess the feelings she harbored. Frustration and self-loathing gnawed at them, for he was her potions professor and Y/N is his student, despite being of age. The internal battle waged on, distracting Y/N from her studies, leaving Y/N torn between desire and the constraints of her forbidden affection. 

Y/N's feelings for Severus had deepened, fueled by the pivotal moment when she saved him from the clutches of Voldemort and Nagini. The intensity of that experience had only strengthened the bond between them in her heart. Her and Severus had became closer since. Yet, the weight of Lily's memory lingered, casting a shadow of doubt within her. She yearned to express her emotions, to confess her love, but the fear of Severus's lingering affection for Lily, even in death, held her back. The unspoken words weighed heavily on her soul as she grappled with the ache of unrequited love. Or at least that’s what she thought it was and made herself believe it was true.

Besides who would want her, she’s just a filthy mudblood, just like Draco said. Severus could find someone better.

Yes, Y/N and Severus are friends which could come off as strange to everyone else considering he is her professor and she was his student but that didn’t stop her from hanging out with him. Even though she did get bullied and got hexed by slytherin’s for taking away ‘their’ professor for her being friends with him many times. Y/N still ignored them. She would go to his class just to talk to him after a long day of work and most of the time they wouldn’t talk at all. The times they weren’t talking she would take time to admire him, how he would concentrate on his work, and how his eyes would shine a bit when he saw his slytherins got answers right. She loves how much he cares for his slytherins even though some may think he’s heartless, cruel, & vicious, deep down he’s caring and kind.

She couldn’t take it anymore; her feeling was getting too much for her; she needed to tell him. She needs to at least know she tried and to know that he knew her true feelings. She huffed softly and quickly got up from her comfortable chair, she didn’t really have a plan on how to do this and she didn’t think of how he would react. She just knew that if she kept her emotions in any longer she would burst. Her feelings for him felt more powerful than any sort of magic that it took over her whole body. Making her forget how idiotic with what she was doing is.

Leaving the warmth of her Gryffindor common behind, Y/N embarked on a mission through the corridors of Hogwarts castle. She walks fast through the dimly lit halls, each step echoed in the silence making her palms sweat ferociously as her hair blows in the wind. Y/N’s heart race as she heads towards the cold dungeons towards his potions class. Her anxiety increases by the second.

With every turn and staircase descent, her heart raced a little faster. The weight of anticipation settled heavily on her shoulders, and the air felt thick with trepidation. Thoughts of Severus Snape's strict demeanor and piercing gaze occupied their mind, intensifying their nervousness. Then thoughts of his soft, kind, & more gentle side filled her brain. She didn’t know what he would say to her after she confesses her feelings. Y/N just hopes he won’t reject her.

As she reaches the dungeon halls, the corridor grew colder and darker, her steps slows dowm. As if her body and brain finally realized what she was about to do and how everything could go wrong in a few seconds. Y/N could hear the paintings on the wall’s whispering to each other. Making her feel as if they are talking about her which caused her mind to panic more.

The flickering torchlight cast eerie shadows on the walls, making the journey feel like a solitary quest through a labyrinth of uncertainty. Each unfamiliar door they passed only heightened their unease, until finally, they stood before the entrance to Snape's potion’s class.

She looks nervously around, making sure no one is near her or his room. After she saw no one, she stood there for a while anticipating her moves. Gathering the little courage she had left, Y/N raises her trembling, sweaty hand and knocked hard on the door. The sound of the knocks echo through the cold, partly lit silent of the dungeons. It was in that moment her mind was screaming for her to stop and leave. 

But she didn’t have a chance to. The form of Severus’ appears as he opens his potions class door, revealing his stern face. When he saw it was Y/N his facial expression changed to a soft, exciting look, and a hint of another emotion.

What am I doing here? I shouldn't have come, why am I here? This is stupid— her thoughts had stopped when she heard him speak.

Y/N looks at him, his soft expression made her melt. “Ms. Y/L/N? What do you want?” He asked

“C-Can I come in?” She asked, he looked at her with confusion before moving aside allowing her to enter. She slowly walked in as if he would snap at her and tell her to leave at any moment. After she made it in he slammed the door causing her to jump.

“To what do I owe you the pleasure of having you bother me on a Saturday?” He jokingly questioned. She saw that hint of emotion in his eyes before going away completely. She felt her cheeks turn red as she blushed at him. Severus smirks at that. 

“I need to tell you something, it’s important. I know that it will probably not end well. I want you to know before I say anything that, I apologize. I have enjoyed being your friend for all those few years so much so that you are one of the reasons I decided to come back for my 8th year here. I know you probably will think I’m crazy-“ before she had the chance of finishing he cut her off.

“Would you stop the rambling for Merlin’s sake? Go on, tell me what you want to say.” He hissed playfully and she could have swore she saw a smile, not a smirk, a normal happy smile. Which was rare for him to do.

“Ok here it goes… I like you and not just as a friend. After the war my feelings for you have grown into something more and I know you probably don’t care. That I may be nothing more than just a dunderhead-“ before she could finish he grabbed her face and he kissed her. Y/N  felt lips, not just any lips, his lips, on hers. It took her a few seconds to comprehend what was really happening, as if it wasn’t really happening. As if it was all a dream.

Sure enough she slowly came to her senses as she did, she knew it was real. Y/N kissed back almost immediately when she realized it wasn’t a dream. She felt his hands move from her face and make their way down to wrap around her waist. She wrapped her arms around him back, taking in and feeling everything. This felt almost like a dream, the way his lips were moving against hers, but it wasn’t a dream. It was as if she was on cloud nine and she never wanted to return to earth.

The kiss lasted for a few minutes before they finally pulled away panting as they were out of breath. She slowly opened her eyes and saw his dark brown eyes staring at her with that same emotion she saw after she walked in. She knew that look anywhere, it was the same look she has when she looks at him. The look of love. How didn’t she notice that before?

“That was- that was…fucking amazing.” Y/N whispered, as she stuttered a bit, her cheeks were as red as a tomato. She didn’t want this to end. She wished she could fill this way for a lifetime. Just her and him together. Forever.

“It truly was, my little love.” Severus murmured back while looking in adoration at her. If it hadn’t been for how close he was holding her and her hands in his hair he could’ve sworn it was all a dream. “I like you more than a friend as well. I have for a while now, I just didn’t know how to tell you. I thought you’d reject me so I just ignored my feelings.” 

“Oh my Prince, I would never reject you, I’ve liked you for years, Severus. The last couple of years, especially last year when I saved you, my feelings have grown stronger.” She said with honesty, he looked at her trying to see if she was lying or if there was any dishonesty in what she said but he couldn’t find it. Instead he saw the same look he has on his face right now, which was love.

They looked at each other for what felt like ages and then Y/N leaned in to kiss him again, he happily accepted and kissed her back. This kiss was much more intense than the last. They kissed as if at any moment one of them would disappear and be gone forever. Y/N tugged at his hair, Severus groaned at that and held her tighter. His hands swiftly began to make their way from her back to her ass, squeezing gently. Y/N moaned but then Severus pulled away causing her to whine at the loss of connection. Severus smiled at her.

“I want our first time to be special. I want it to be in a place where you and I are both comfortable, not worrying about who will walk in. So I’ll be able to take my time with you.” He said, creasing her face softly while looking at her beautiful E/C eyes as he continued. “Let’s wait ok, darling.”

She was a bit disappointed but she knew he was right, she also wanted her first time to be special. “Ok.” She whispered. “I guess I’ll go back to my common room, I need to study for my NEWTS. I’ll see you later Sev.” 

She kissed him one last time before turning away to head back to the Gryffindor tower. Before she could take another step she felt a hand, it was his hand, grabbing her. She turned to look at him. 

He kisses Y/N softly once more and than lets her go.

Y/N smiled in return and flustered at him kissing her again, “I’ll see you later, Sev.” She muttered, he smiled back. She then made her way to the door, opened it and left for her common room with a huge smile across her face. I can’t believe that just happened, she thought. Tonight was the best night I ever had in a while.

—

Part 2

[heartfeltcierra]

Ephemeral- Rosinante Donquixote (Corazon) X Female reader (Soulmate AU)

Word count 4.3K

3rd person POV

Masterlist

AN-I love this man so much :') But I won't lie, I broke my own heart writing this.

Contents- Soulmate AU (First words tattoo), reader is a marine, reader had a DF

!!!Spoiler warning!!! Major character death and spoilers for Law's backstory.

Warnings- Heavy angst, bittersweet ending, smoking, mentions of fire, cussing, character death, hints at starving and lack of self care, violence.

 The cold crimson snow below Cora was nothing compared to the fierce warmth he felt in his heart. His mission to stop his brother may have failed, but at least one of his goals was achieved. Gotta live a little bit longer. His breaths were becoming shorter and shorter as he clung onto his last strand of life. I can’t let my power wear off, not yet. 

 His eyes flutter in a battle to stay  conscious. Not yet, not until Law is free… Despite his best efforts his eyes closed, but before he could slip into the afterlife a sharp pain blossomed in his right forearm. The pain was enough for him to reopen his eyes. Y/N.. With his remaining life force he used his left hand to pull up his sleeve revealing the sentence on his right arm. “Hey blondie, what time is it and why are you on fire?” A weak smile forms on his  lips, remembering the first time he heard those words. 

(Flashback)

 “Do you think I have enough time to get one last smoke in before this starts?” Rosinante dug through his pockets, looking for his trusty fix.

 “You do, Commander, just be quick about it.” A sense of pride swelled in Rosi’s chest, hearing his soon to be new title come from the very man he looked up to. He nodded and started walking out but was stopped when a large hand rested on his shoulder.. “Rosinante..” The dark haired man smiled. “ I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you, son.”

 “I’m honored. Thank you Fleet Admiral Sengoku.” The blonde had to suppress a huge smile as his father figure praised him.

 “You're welcome, and you better get going if you want that smoke.” Sengoku motioned to the large stage where high ranking Navy officers were gathering. 

 “Right, I’ll be quick.”

 Rosinante walked outside of the Navy’s banquet hall with a cigarette hanging loosely between his lips as he tried to find a secluded place to smoke. Eventually he found an empty balcony that had a perfect view of the city below. Flames erupted from the lighter as he took a deep inhale of smoke. The nicotine instantly soothed his built up nerves.

 He knew being promoted to a commander meant more work and even more responsibility. But it also gave him more power and more control, two things he was going to need if he wanted to reach his end goal. Taking his older brother, Doflamingo, down. 

 He took a deep inhale of smoke as his fathers last moments and words echo his mind. He was only 8 years old when Doflamingo shot and killed their father. It was in that moment bloodshed he realized just how far gone his brother was. And judging from the recent reports surrounding his evil doings  and his bounty that increases almost daily, Doflamingo was completely irredeemable at this point. 

 The cigarette in between his lips had reached its end and considering the stress thinking about his brother caused, a second one was well deserved. “I still have a few years to plan, until then stay cool.” He brought the lighter up to the fresh cigarette. “I better hurry or Sengoku will kill m-” 

 Rosi tensed up as he noticed a flash of violet in the distance.What the hell was that? He had never seen anything like it before. Maybe in a different situation he would find it mesmerizing or even cool. But it was heading straight for the navy banquet hall, more specifically it looked like it was coming straight at him and fast. Too fast for him to react.

 The sparking ball of violet was closing in and he couldn’t make his body move a muscle. It was so close he could hear the strange almost electrical noise it emitted. Are we under attack? The anomaly was now floating in the air a few feet away from the balcony's edge. The breath in his throat hitched as the ball shot up ever so slightly into the air, the electrical noise it made was much louder and it appeared to be getting bigger. 

 Rosi snapped out of his trance and took a defensive position, only to find himself back in a trace as the ball of violet sparks turned into the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her (H/C) hair fluttered behind her as she gracefully descended from the air and onto the balcony’s railing. All the worry in him disappeared seeing the familiar outfit she wore..

 “Hey blondie, what time is it and why are you on fire?” His forearm began to tingle. She’s..

 “You're an angel…” The words left Rosi’s mouth before he could process  what she said. A small gasp left the girl as she looked down at her left wrist. 

 “Your..” Her (E/C) eyes met his red ones. She held up her wrist to show the words he had just spoken, tattooed into her skin. “You're my soulmate….. And you're still on fire.” The girl jumped from the railing, taking her navy coat off in the process. She gave him a sweet, innocent smile before wacking the fire out with her coat, doing so with such a brute force it sent Rosi to the ground. “There we go, crisis averted.” She bent down slightly and offered her hand to him.

 “I appreciate the gesture, but I’m tall and hea- '' His words were lost in his throat as the girl took the hand he was waving in the air and pulled him up almost effortlessly. 

 “Tall yes.” She took a moment to look up at him. “Heavy no, or at least not for a woman as strong as me.” For a few moments they just stared at each other smiling without a care in the world. That is until Rosi remembered he had somewhere to be.

 “Can we meet up and talk later? I’m about to get promoted at the ceremony.” 

 “You are?” His soulmate jumped a little in excitement causing a blush to form on Rosi’s face. She is so cute. “That makes two of us! We better hurry!” She grabbed his hand and started to run towards the banquet hall.

 Once the pair reached the venue, they had to go their separate way thanks to the seating arrangement. But that didn’t stop Rosi from keeping an eye on her in admiration. She was a couple seats away sitting next to vice admiral Garp. Rosinante leaned back in his chair a little more to see she had the same idea as him. She smiled at him and was about to mouth something to him, that was until Vice Admiral Garp leaned back, stretching his bulking body. Damn that old man.

 “The ceremony will be starting now.” Vice Admiral Tsuru stood at the stage's podium. “First we will be naming the new Commanders.” One by one she called the men and women up to the stage until.. “Donquixote Rosinante.” Rosi nervously walked onto the stage (Cautiously so he didn't trip and embarrass himself in front of his new found soul mate.) “On behalf of the Navy, we congratulate you and thank you for your continued service.” He bent down so Tsuru could place a pin onto his navy uniform, making him officially a commander. He looked to the crowd to see his soulmate standing up and clapping with a smile that made his heart swell. He gave her a sheepish wave before finding his seat.

 “Up next we will be naming the new vice admiral who will be taking over our G-7 unit.” Tsuru announced. “L/N F/N, please come to the stage.” Rosi watched in Awe as his soulmate, who he now knows as Y/N, walked up to the stage with power in each of her steps. “All of navy HQ would like to congratulate you on your promotion and continued service.”  Rosi had stars in his eyes as she was given the white overcoat reserved only for the vice admirals..

 “THAT’S MY GIRL.” A gruff voice yelled out. Rosi turned to see Garp hysterically crying. “If only my son would have been smart like her.” He mumbled out the last part.

 “That concludes today's ceremony. Good luck to you all in your new positions.” Tsuru walked away from the stage and people began to file out of the room. He looked up to see Y/N walking towards him with a smile on her face. 

 “Are you okay?” Y/N looked down at her soulmate who had fallen back in his chair thanks to the shock.

 “I am.” He smiled up at her. “I am more than okay.I just can’t believe my soulmate is someone so cool.” 

 “Thanks.” A blush formed on her cheeks at Rosi’s complement.

 “So.. Umm.. We have a lot to talk about huh?” Rosinante stood up and ran a hand through his blonde locks in an attempt to calm down.

 “That we do.” She shook her head in agreement. “I know just the place we can go!” She grabbed his hand  and led him out of the banquet hall. 

 ~~~~

 “This is it!” Y/N fell back onto the field of flowers that overlooked the sea. “What do you think, Rosinante?” 

 “It’s beautiful.” Rosi sat down beside her. But It doesn't compare to you. “ And you can just call me Rosi.” 

 “Rosi it is.” She smiled before moving her head to rest in his lap. “So question. Just how tall are you?” 

 “Nine foot seven..” Her eyes widened hearing how tall her soulmate was. “And a half.”

 “And a half!” Rosi laughed at her shocked face. “You have me beat, I’m (Height).”

 “I do. But I think you may have me beat in strength, little Miss Vice Admiral.” His hands dug through his jacket until he pulled out his cigarettes. “Do you mind?” 

 “Not at all, actually here.” Y/N brought her hand up to the end of his cigarette. A familiar violet colored spark came from her fingertip, lighting his cigarette. “You’ll never have to buy a lighter again as long as I’m around.” She said proudly.

 “Thank you.” He took a deep drag and exhaled the smoke away from her. “I’ve been meaning to ask what that power was. Is it a devil fruit?”

 “It sure is.” She stood up from the flower field. “I ate the Plasma-Plasma fruit, making me a plasma woman.” She jumped into the air before turning into the same ball of sparks that had him freaking out hours earlier. He watched as Y/N displayed her powers to him. Seeing her pop up out of nowhere only to turn into a ball of plasma a second later had him in awe. After a few minutes of zipping through the sky she landed right into his lap. Fierce heat traveled to both of their cheeks. “I’m sorry, sometimes I don’t stick the landing.” She gave him a sheepish grin before attempting to crawl away from him.

 “It’s okay..” Rosi brought his arm around her body, urging Y/N closer. “Having you close feels nice.”

 “I couldn't agree with you more.” She brought her head down to rest on his abs. “So question…why were you on fire earlier?”

 “I’m a smoker who Is also really clumsy.” The moment the words left his mouth Y/N jumped  away from his lap. “Y/N are you okay?” She raised an eyebrow at him before motioning to the lit cigarette in his mouth. “OH.” He took the cigarette out of his mouth and waited for it to go out. “You can come back now.” He laughed nervously with an outreached hand, which Y/N gladly took. “But I’m clumsy in other ways too, less dangerous ways.” 

 “Like falling over in your chair?” Y/N looked up at him with a smirk on her face.

 “Bingo.” Rosi wrapped both arms around her before pulling the both of them back to lay on the flower field. “So you know my fun little fact. So tell me one about you?” 

 “Have you ever heard the rumor about the marine who killed a sea king while they were sleepwalking?” 

 “Yes I have.” Rosi had heard plenty of rumors in his rookie years, but this one stood out. It was unforgettable. “Apparently it was a rookie who was on Garp’s fleet. They had a really bad sleep walking habit and from what I heard they sometimes tried to challenge Garp to a duel in that state.” Rosi recalls all of the lore surrounding the mysterious Marine. “But the story goes something like this I think. It was the middle of the night when a huge sea king came out of nowhere and started to attack the ship. Two rookies were on the night watch that night, so they panicked. They went to wake up the crew and met the sleepwalking Marine while doing so. The marine proceeded to walk right towards the towering sea king and looked at it with foggy eyes before knocking it across the ocean with a single kick.” Rosi laughed. “I wish I knew if it was real or not. If it was, I wonder who the guy was?”

 “It wasn’t a guy..” 

 “Huh?”

 “It was a girl..”

 “Really? How do you know?”

 “I know because it was me!” Y/N’s cheery voice mixed with Rosi’s mental image of her taking down a sea king with a single kick. “Ever since that day I tie my foot to my bedpost with a shoe string. Just in case.”..... “Rosi?”...... “Rosi?”

 “Y/N.” Rosi lifted up from the flower field and rummaged around in his pockets. “Here it is!” He pulled out a marker. “Please sign my jacket!” 

 “HUH?” Y/N gave him a confused look. “Sign your jacket? Why?”

 “Because you are the woman, the myth, no… the legend. My soulmate is..” Rosi grabbed her shoulder before lifting her up like she weighed nothing. “The sleepwalking sea king slayer!” He spun her around before they both toppled over laughing.

 “Am I really that popular?” She grabbed the marker that had fallen with them and pulled his coat open to the side. “To my biggest fan~” Y/N signed her name and drew a small doodle of a sea king getting kicked by her. “Here, it’s your turn.” She handed the confused Rosi a marker before laying down with her vice admiral jacket open. “You can draw something on mine too!”

 “Before I do this.” He smoothed the fabric down where he wanted to draw. “I’m not good at drawing. With that being said, any requests?” Y/N Shook her head.

 “Just draw what comes to heart.”

~Flashback end~

 “Y/N. I’m sorry.” Her name left his mouth like a guilty prayer. “Just know I love you so much and I ...” Blood spilled from his lips as he muttered his final words. “I did it. Law is finally free.” 

 And with that, Donquixote Rosinante, the man known as Corazon, took his last breath.

~~~Somewhere out at sea on the G-7’s main ship.~~~

  Y/N sat at her desk filing paperwork and thinking about a certain blonde. She pulled the white coat off and looked at the fading doodle Rosi drew on it all those years ago. It was a simple heart with their initials in it. I miss him

 Y/N sighed playing with the silver chain around her neck. With a gentle tug on the chain she revealed the heart shaped locket he gifted her. She smiled seeing the engraving “You’re an angel.” Y/N clicked the locket open, her smile only grew wider seeing her and Rosinante’s wedding photos. On one side he was holding her up in his arms, and on the other side it was her holding him. A knock at her door pulled her from her romantic reminiscing. 

 “Come in!” She tucked the locket back under her shirt before one of her men walked in.

 “Can you sign off on these documents for me? They are urgent.” The man walked up to the desk and held the stack of  papers out.

 “Can do!” Y/N reached out with her right arm and stopped when a searing pain formed in her forearm. “What the, FUCK.” She yelped while bringing her arm down on the table. 

 “Vice admiral are you okay?!” The man watched as she was unable to form words, instead she slammed her head against the desk and pointed at her right arm. “I understand.” He slowly brought her sleeve up to reveal the cause of the tremendous pain she was in. What she didn’t know, it was only the start. “Vice admiral L/N, I. I think..”

 “What’s wrong?” She brought her head up from the desk and felt her body turn cold. At that moment she recalled something Tsuru had said to her many years ago. “There had been reports in the past of soulmates dying and their last words would show up on their partner in the spot where their first words were”  That explains why she is seeing the words on her right forearm.

 “Y/N, I’m sorry…… Just know I love you so much and I….I did it. Law is finally free.” 

 “Leave.” The man nodded before shuffling out of the room. Y/N looked at the fresh words on her arm. “Rosi.” He can’t be. Her lips trembled as tears began to pour down her face. The pain she felt was beyond what words could describe. She had lost her soulmate, her home, her safety, her comfort, her Rosi. He was gone.

 Her cries could be heard all across the G-7 ship. The men and women aboard the ship held their heads low as their admiral mourned her lost lover. After a week  the cries had turned into sniffles, after a month it was silent. She never came out of the office, none of the food they sent her was ever eaten, and she never spoke more than a few words. She had become an empty shell. 

~~~~

 “Wake up Y/N.” Her eyes opened to a bright blue sky. She slowly lifted off of the ground and looked around. It took her no time to know where she was. The flower field. “You know I fell in love with you that day you brought me here.”

 “Rosi?” She turned and saw nothing. “Rosi, where are you?” She got up and froze when two arms wrapped around her midsection from behind.

 “Y/N.” His grip tightened. “I am so sorry.” She felt something wet at the nape of her neck. “I’ve watched you go through all this torment and I could not take it any longer. .” Her body froze. “I don’t have much time.” 

 “Rosi.” She tried to turn around to see him, but his arms kept her caged in.

 “Not yet love.” His voice was soft and comforting, just the way she remembered. “Y/N I love you and I will always watch over you.” Lips ghosted the crook of her neck. “But you can’t keep going on like this. You're alive but if you keep this up..” His voice cracked.. “Live Y/N, please. Promise me you will.”

 “How can I?” Tears started to stream down her face. 

 “You can because that’s what I want… More than anything..” Y/N’s eyes widened. “There is a time and place for all of us to die, but your time is not now or anytime soon. So angel, would you do me the honors of letting me watch you live, even though I can’t be with you?”

 “It’s funny.” Y/N sniffled. “You're calling me an angel.”

 “I guess we are both angels now… Wait no.” The familiar clumsy panic in his tone brought a bittersweet smile to her face. “You are an angel metaphorically, I am a real angel.” 

 “That you are.” A final tear rolled down her face. “But to answer your question I will.”

 “Good.” A large hand covered her right forearm. “I know this is selfish of me, but I want to kiss you one last time Y/N.”

 “If you're selfish, I’m selfish.” She turned around and jumped into her lover's arms to give him a final kiss. When she pulled back a bright light appeared behind him.

 “I have to go now.” He watched as the smile left Y/N lips. “I need another favor from you.”

 “Anything.”

 “When you think of me.” He grabbed her right arm and planted a kiss right next to his final words. “I want you to always have a smile on your face. Just like this.” Seeing the same goofy smile on his lips , the one  she fell in love caused one of her own to form.

 “I love you forever and always Rosi.”

 “I love you too.” He turned around and started to walk away from her. “I’ll be waiting for you, and you know I’m patient , so there is no need to rush okay?”

 “Okay.”

 “Goodbye for now, my angel.” 

 ~~~~

 She woke up in a daze wondering if what happened was a dream or real. Her fingers hooked around her sleeve, gently pulling it up  to reveal Rosi’s final words to her. But that wasn’t the only thing. Out from the words was a smiley face, one that looked just like his, in the spot he had kissed.

 ~Bonus~

 “Captain Law.” Bepo came running up to his captain who sat on a cargo box. “A vice admiral's ship has been spotted on the other side of the island.” 

 “Go find the others and let them know we are leaving immediately.” Law ordered.

 “Yes sir!” The white bear ran off as Law placed his chin in his hands. Just what I needed.

 “A vice admiral?” Law’s body tensed up. “That sounds serious.” Law slowly turned to his side to see a (H/C) woman sitting on the cargo box right next to one he was on. She was eating a bag of candy and didn’t seem to have a care in the world. “Want some?” She held the bag out to Law.

 “No.” Law raised his eyebrow. “Thanks?” Law got a better look at her and saw what she had on Dammit it all. His tattooed hand reached for his sword.

 “Don’t even think about it.” The woman smirked at Law. “Don’t you have any clue as to who I am?”

 “I don’t..” Law was sweating bullets at this point. “Want to give me a hint?”

 “Have you ever heard of the Marine who killed a sea king while sleep walking?”

 “I have. They called her the Sleepwalking Sea King Slayer.” 

 “How did you know it was a ‘her’?” 

 “What are you getting at?” Something shiny was thrown into Law’s lap. A locket? He clicked it opened. “Wait.” Law stood up and looked at the woman shocked.

 “To answer some of the questions I’m sure you have.” She stood up on the cargo box. “The woman you see before you is indeed the Sleepwalking sea king slayer.” Law looked up at her in shock. “And I’m also Rosi’s wife. Or should I say Cora’s wife.” Law was glad the rest of the crew was gone. A guilt he carried for well over 11 years had bubbled to the surface.

 “I’m sorry, it’s my fault he di-” The woman pulled the boy into a tight hug.

 “Don’t finish that sentence.” She gave him a few pats on the back before pulling away. “Just so I’m clear, I don’t in the slightest, blame you for what happened. And as you can see.” She pulled up her sleeve showing Law the Last words Cora said. “He died happy knowing you were free.” Law sniffled into the sleeve of his hoodie. “I see that you honor his legacy well.” She motioned to jolly Roger on the side of his submarine.

 “He meant everything to me.”

 “You meant just as much to him.” She smiled thinking of all the times he called her in secret to talk about how Law was doing. “I apologize for not coming to see you sooner. I say that like I’m supposed to see you at all.” She laughed. “Here take this. It’s the number to my personal transponder snail. Call me if you ever need to hear a funny story, because when it comes to Cora… Let’s just say I have a bunch.” Law took the paper from her hands and put it in his pocket.

 “Will do.” He smiled. “What’s your name?”

 “The sleepwalking sea king slayer, didn’t I tell you already?” Law rolled his eyes. “It’s Y/N.”

 “Will I ever see you again Y/N?”

 “Well..” She turned around to show the black letter on the jacket. “You better hope and pray you don’t.”

 “Fair enough.”

 “Well it’s been fun talking with you.” She threw Law the now empty candy bag in his hands before walking away. “One more thing.”

 “What’s that?”

“You need to smile more.” The woman gave him a toothy grin and then in the blink of a eye, disappeared.

“I’ll try.”

[xxavengingangelxx]

Somewhere Only We Know 9/9

Notes: This chapter is a little bit different from all the others :) It takes on someone else's point of view. There's going to be an epilogue after this but it'll only be about a paragraph. I just couldn't fit it in this post.

Taglist: @shepgurl, @unicorngirly1, @bellgraves, @lily-lily131313, @sharksausages

Triggers: Lots of triggers in this one. Mentions of torture, dubcon, mentions of suicide/self-harm, brainwashing, mentions of harm during pregnancy, physical abuse, etc.

-1 year later

This is going to be a burn after writing kind of thing. And believe me when I say that I will burn after writing. I just need to get this all out. I don’t have anyone to really talk to about this kinda shit. I sure can’t talk to Val about it. She’s got more than enough on her plate. Shepherd I could talk to but he’s dead.

We have a 3-month old little boy. His name is Everett Lucas Graves. 8 pounds 8 ounces when he was born. I thought about making him a junior but I would rather not make him easy for my enemies to find.

I never thought I’d ever have kids. I certainly never really planned on it. Sure it had crossed my mind. But not in detail. But anyway it’s three in the morning and Val is asleep. So is Rett. He loves to sleep and he must get that from his mother because I have the worst time sleeping. I figured this would be the best time to get all this out.

It's been a journey and while right now it’s gorgeous it hasn’t always been pretty. I know a lot of people look at me as a bad person and that’s because I am. I’m a mercenary and I kill people for money. My company and I, Shadow, just do it within the confines of the United States now. No more overseas missions. For now, anyway. I miss the overseas stuff. Maybe when Rett is older. Maybe.

The main topic of this…whatever this is…is gonna be Val. We met when I was first introduced to 141 and I honestly can’t describe what I felt when I first saw her. I fucking wanted her. I wanted to tell her “Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life” because she was gonna be mine. Forever. And she still is going to be. I’m never going to let her go. I can’t explain it. It was an instant connection. I had to have her. And a weird thought popped into my head. It was the first time I even thought about having kids: that woman is gonna be the mother of my children if I want them.

I probably should have used better judgement and shouldn’t have had sex with her for the first time when she was halfway drunk. I wasn’t sober either, to be fair. But as soon as I tasted her…as soon as I was inside her…it was instant addiction. There’s no other way to describe it. She was American, like me, but just so fucking exotic. Valdez, wherever that last name came from. She didn’t know. She grew up in foster care. I yanked her records. I know she’d probably smack me if she ever found out but do you know why she grew up in foster care? Her parents had a habit of fucking selling her.

Anyway, At least a few times a week we’d meet up. Deep down my values and morals would whisper and tell me I was halfway raping her because I was her superior. But she wanted it just as much as I did. You’re just gonna have to take my word for it. Hell, she sought me out a couple of times. She was just as hooked as I was.

That’s one of the things that made Las Almas so damn difficult. But I had to follow orders. I had to. I didn’t have a choice. I still remember that earlier that same day Val had come to me. I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her what Shepherd had told me: that I was to take control over the mission from 141 later that night.

But I couldn’t. I looked into her eyes and I couldn’t. And I remember that that afternoon was the first time I made love to her. Up until then it had been just…fucking.

Later that night after I had told 141 about me taking over she’d looked at me with such disgust and anger that…to be honest I wanted to fucking smack that look off her face and tell her to respect me, that this was all for the better, couldn’t she see?

I’d been planning on taking her with me anyway but she toppled over that barrier and into that wooded area before I could get my hands on her. My men were told to find all of them. But to bring Val, on her fucking knees, back to me. I was so fucking livid she’d walked away from me.

And when she put up a fight as I tried to ask her questions that stormy night in Las Almas I got even more irritated and felt even more betrayed.

I shouldn’t have done what I did. I shouldn’t have tortured her. Shepherd hadn’t even really given any orders outside of recapturing 141 at the point we started interrogating Val in that torn up warehouse. I just wanted to scare her. I was so sure she’d come to my side and just give me an idea as to where 141 was.

And when she didn’t, I lost it. God, I lost it. I started humiliating her in front of Shadow. They already knew we’d been sleeping together but I’d made her sound like a slut. And then she called me a war criminal. Which I’ve come to realize since then I am. But back then I didn’t want to come to terms with that.

It was the first time I’d hit her. Ever. It was the first time I’d ever hit a woman. And it only got worse from there. I asked…well no…if I’m honest…I demanded she call 141. She said no. And…

Ugh it’s so hard to go through all this shit again. But if it’s hard for me I can’t imagine what it must have been like for Val to have to go through it, experience it, live it, suffer it. Sometimes she still wakes up screaming.

But when she said no I used my gun to hit her across the face so hard I left a scar on her face. It’s a scar I can still see. Even in low lighting. It reminds me of all the fucked up shit I did to her. I shot her. Though to be fair, it hit her vest. I know it broke ribs. Because that’s what bullets do when they hit a vest.

And then I literally used a knife to cut her.

Is it supposed to be this hard writing this stuff out?

And the most fucked up thing was that back then, I liked hearing her scream.

I threatened to kill her, torture her further, to have her raped. But she still didn’t break. And you know what? With her childhood I’m realizing just how messed up that was. Her parents would sell her. Any woman is terrified of rape. But to Val it must have been like reliving a nightmare.

It only got way worse from there.

Something happened mentally in my head, though. When Shepherd gave official orders to “break that bitch…make her talk” I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go hands on. I could barely watch. But I had to be there to keep things from going overboard. My men would have ripped her to pieces if I had left them in charge. They would’ve killed her. My men are…far more brutal than most people realize. They would’ve murdered her. But not before making her beg to die.

And the order was to keep her alive. So while I had figured out I couldn’t go hands on with her, we were still ordered to hurt her.

I tried keeping her uncomfortable to see if that would help. The more days that passed, the colder I’d set it in that room she was in. Ok, cell. I know she probably doesn’t remember all of it but I do. Every mind-numbing detail. I’d do anything just to make her as uncomfortable as possible. Then I’d let her be comfortable and attempt to ask what we needed to know.

Still nothing.

So sometimes I used handcuffs latched one latch too tight. She fought them so hard she bled. I’d use zipties, duct tape, anything to restrain her in stress positions. Still nothing. She screamed that she would kill me one day and I’d laugh it off. One night we tried borderline drowning her for hours. When I leaned down next to her, there was so much pain and fear in her eyes. And I was hoping this was it, that she was going to break, but she didn’t.

It got to the point to where she was swinging on my soldiers. And I didn’t like that. I couldn’t hit her again. But my men sure could. They beat her until I told them to stop. Still nothing. And she still kept picking fights. We were running out of ideas.

I know she had that information. She did. She was just refusing to give it up. And in my head, now and back then, I wondered if she wanted to give it up, knowing that the codes to the homing beacons had probably changed by then and they were useless, but she refused, wanting to control that tiny part of her life.

We tried anything we could think of that wouldn’t kill her. Wateboarding, beatings, keeping her awake, further threats of rape. Hell, several times we brought a Taser. It was around that time that I stopped liking hearing her scream. She’d gone from whimpers, trying anything she could to hold back a scream to screaming bloody murder.

And then came one thing that scared me half to death.

I remember I had decided to check in on Val, to play a little good cop/bad cop. I’d been planning t bring her a blanket. I found her slumped against the wall, face whiter than usual, her left wrist laying next to her and bleeding heavily.

She had tried to fucking kill herself.

I asked her what the hell was wrong with her. And I remember applying pressure to her wrist. That blanket I had brought for her ended up around her wrist tied tight.

I remember she was out of it when I picked her up and carried her to medical. I brought her to 10-4, a Shadow who specialized in trauma medicine and was also a nurse practitioner. He stitched her up no problem. No serious blood loss noted.

But the attempt had been real. She had tried to take her own life. A part of me wanted to stop it all there. So later that night I called Shepherd. I told him it was too much, that we needed to lighten things up a bit. I even asked if we could stop, saying those codes were probably outdated anyway.  He told me to stop letting my feelings get in the way and that this stopped being about the codes a long time ago. Shepherd told me that he needed me to break Val and bring her to Shadow. There was no other way.

So when Val woke up from her drugged sleep, I berated her even though it honestly hurt me, too. I wanted to stop. So bad. To take her and disappear. But go where? They would’ve found us and killed us both. So I kept making her feel stupid and when she asked me if she was in hell, I told her she was.

And it was seeing her drugged and so out of her mind, talking to people that weren’t there, that gave me an idea.

It took days. Days of trying different cocktails. Days of further inflicting pain. Of stitching up those long-forgotten, close-to-infection cuts on her chest with no anesthesia while she screamed. Days of endless drugs being pumped through her system.

She was laughing at one point and I honestly wondered if she’d lost it. If she was going to end up in a psych ward for the rest of her life.  She said she knew how to piss me off and it was at that point that she told me that Soap had fucked her better than I ever did.

I had no fucking idea they had ever hooked up. So even though she was drugged and restrained and helpless, I grabbed her by the hair and told her that if she didn’t give me those codes, we were going to start giving her something that was going to make her scream.

She didn’t break.

So in my anger I gave the all clear to use IV drugs that, when dosed a certain way, inflicted pain. 10-4 had described it as feeling like you were on fire inside.

And scream she did. And when we gave her a break, and she was somewhat lucid, she yanked the IV out of her arm and told me to kill her.

Not sure why but that shook me to my core. That had been her second attempt at her own life.

They sedated her.

Shepherd and I talked again. And I almost begged him to let us stop. I couldn’t do it anymore.

But that was when Shepherd said that if we didn’t break her he would.

Shepherd would make what we did to her look like child’s play. And I know Shepherd would kill her after. Because if she couldn’t break and join Shadow, then she was useless to him. She was worse than useless to Shepherd. She was a living witness that could testify that she was tortured at the hands of Shadow.

I don’t know what did it. To this day I don’t know. I walked up to her in her semi-conscious state and told her that if she didn’t give me those codes in the next 5 seconds, we would restart that horrible IV and then hand her over to Shepherd. 5, 4, 3…

And surprisingly, she opened her eyes fully for the first time in days. She looked at me. And she cried. At first, her voice sounded like it was spewing nonsense. But then I realized they were the codes.

At long last, we finally had those codes.

It took Val a few days to recover. But because we hadn’t inflicted physical pain, she recovered quicker than I expected.

It was time for me to start the second half of my assigned duty: make Val mine and Shadow Company’s. It wasn’t hard because she was craving, she was desperate for a gentle touch. That night when I undressed her I was reminded of just how much I had hurt her. Of just how many commands I had given to have my men hurt her.

She was covered in bruises and stitched lacerations. So I remember taking it easy on her. It was so close to making love…just not quite.

Val went through a metamorphosis after that. She was…docile? Not sure if that’s the right word. I think she was just scared of being put back in that tiny cell and hurt all over again. Maybe her brain made connections that made her realize no one else cared about her and that no one else was coming for her. She had been abandoned. And that this was going to be her home for the rest of her life.

She had fully broken and it was my job to rebuild her just like I wanted her.

She did whatever I asked her to do. It was simple stuff at first. Translation. And she did it without question, without a second thought. A good sign. And I played on that and played some mind games with her. I was honest, though. 141 wasn’t going to take her back.

She started going through these anger outbursts. Even as she started gaining more privileges. I figured she was just coming to terms that the 141 part of her was dead and a new identity was being born. We all mourn when we lose a part of ourselves, right?

I remember that it was around this time that we changed her categorization in our system. We first had her listed as a captured enemy combatant. Her sub-classification was prisoner of war. It was changed after the first time we took her into the field. We gave her a new callsign: Phantom-80. 80 because that’s the number on some parts of my uniform. I wanted to make it clear she was…is…mine. Phantom? To mock 141’s Ghost.

I began trusting my men to keep Val safe when I wasn’t around. I made it clear they were not to touch her. I didn’t have to worry about them disobeying despite the fact that quite a few of them had a crush on her. They knew and still know the consequences of what would happen if they were to so much as look at her wrong.

Val went through another episodes of having these rages and actually started having these physical outbursts of anger after I told her 141 thought we were both dead. She directed that anger into her fieldwork and she actually surprised me when her body count reached 15. She was so angry during that time. I remember even I was kinda scared of her. I remember asking myself just what I’d created. I recall being nervous she’d tried to find her way back to 141 so I told her 141 would kill her slow if they found her and she believed me. And even if they didn’t I told her she’d just end up in prison for the rest of her life. She saw me as God as far as I knew.

She went through this…phase where she hid her face from everyone but me. I knew she was self-conscious about the marks and scars on her face. I felt kinda bad about it. But then again…would any of it have happened if she had just told us what we needed to know immediately? It kinda made me feel special, to be honest. Here she was wearing a mask and long sleeves around everyone else but me. Taking off her clothes was like unwrapping a present.

I didn’t show Val or let Val see it on my face but I was scared when I realized we were going to have to team up with 141 again. I was terrified of losing her. I knew they were going to try to take her from me.

And when they did, my heart sank. When I was told she had been taken by them and there was no telling where she was, I remember punching several holes in drywall. I demanded she be found immediately. Now. I felt like every minute she was going was just another minute further away they moved her.

She was gone for a couple days but it felt like a month to me. I called Shepherd in a panic. Shepherd told me not to worry about it and that he had it under control.

Shepherd didn’t know but when I found out she was pregnant, the first thing that came to mind was how far along and did I interrogate her while she was pregnant?

Turns out I did. She was pregnant through all of it. And that made me feel like an absolute piece of shit. We captured Val in October. Rett was born in July. You don’t need to be a genius to figure out that’s a 9-month time period. I didn’t know. But that still doesn’t take away from the horrible fact that she was already pregnant. Barely but still. I mean how fucking horrible is that? At the same time it’s a miracle isn’t it? That little boy survived all of that. I realize she might’ve gotten pregnant right after but something deep down tells me she already was.

I looked at the hospital records. Some of them. I couldn’t make it through all of them. Broken, healed and re-broken ribs. A ruptured eardrum from when I hit her in the face with my gun that first night. Hairline fractures. I couldn’t make it past that.

I still can’t bring myself to say I’m sorry. The words just won’t come out. So until I’m man enough to put it into words that Val can hear:

Val, I’m so fucking sorry. I was under orders. No excuse, I know. I’m sorry you still wake up screaming from nightmares of what I did and had done to you. Even though you’ll never tell me what you’re dreaming about I know. I’m sorry I left scars on your body that will always remind you of the torture I put you through. And Jesus Christ, I’m sorry and I’ll never forgive myself for doing it to you while you were pregnant. I’ll never forgive myself. Just please, don’t tell Rett. I don’t deserve you and if I was any better of a person I would give you back to 141 with Rett and let myself go to prison. I know they’d take care of you and our son. But I just can’t. I can’t take back what I did. But I can focus on the future. And I promise that neither you nor Rett will ever want for anything. Anything you or he want, it's ya’ll’s. Let's go somewhere only we know and raise our family.

God forgive me for all I've done.

[scream4ash]

tw 4 addiction, talks of self harm, talks of disordered eating, mental illness, self destructive tendencies, just overall me being a piece of shit.

hey, guys. ash here. i guess i wanna apologize for just dissapearing. when i had originally started posting, and decided i was going to be a writer i was sober, n in a better headspace. since then i have relapsed, n fallen into the cycle of addiction n destruction n just overall have not been in a good place.

i have struggled with substance abuse since i was around 13, mainly being alcohol or weed due to easy access. more recently in january of this year i had started abusing antihistamines. that way, i could tell myself it was just medicine, there was no harm in what i was doing. for those of you who don’t know, antihistamines are anti-allergy meds.

on march 17, i had overdosed. my girlfriend had found me on my bedroom floor seizing out. i was brought to the hospital via ambulance, n released the same day. i would love to say i stopped, n i realized the way im going would kill me, but i didnt. i had overdosed again 8 days later. this time when i was brought in to the er i was put on suicide watch. then i wouldve denied any attempts at harming myself, but deep down i didnt care the outcome. though im just now realizing i never really cared about what’d happen to me, but i think part of me always knew. i knew the consequences, i decided that god shall decide my fate.

i was then transferred from the er to a psychiatric unit where i was treated for depression n bipolar disorder.

when i was released a week later i decided it would be a new chapter. i had gotten a job, i was sober, n most importantly people saw me.

that lasted for around two months. the euphoria i felt had all come crashing down. i had slowly rejoined the forgotten, my own friends forgetting about me. i had fell back into isolation n self-hatred. i was fading out again, n no one noticed. no one noticed when i had started skipping meals, or the way my body physically could not allow itself to keep a single bite of food down, or the lack of sleep, even the empty look in my eyes. i have yet again fallen into the hand of addiction, seeking comfort from what i know is no longer there, what may have never been there in the first place. i have barely left my house, only going outside to walk my dog. i can no longer recognize who i see in the mirror. more recently i havent even been able to get out of bed to go to work.

i feel the need to clarify that i am 19 years old, the life i am living is not the life to live. i am actually all alone in the world. guys, if u, or a friend, or a parent, or a loved one, hell even ur worst enemy. if anyone u know, or may know of is struggling with addiction, let them know you are there. let them know that you havent gave up, youre still fighting for them. if ur thinking about trying drugs, or alcohol, hell even weed. don’t. take it from me. dont.

i havent been very active on here, n i am sorry. i am going to reopen my requests and start posting short works/blurbs. i will also get to the requests in my inbox, n those will be filled as blurbs. again, i’m sorry 4 bailing on you guys.

also so super sorry for the sob story, idk. kinda feels good to get this shit of my chest. idk, makes me feel like u guys know me kinda.

@calumikey @ashen-char @f4ngtooth @theactualqueenelizabeth @brittanysnowsgf @iheartambss @phorsphyn @spiderb00 @allsovls @jennaortegaswifey @liaisbaeee @xxxninjaxxx23 @chaejiberry @nohumanityhope @blakeroni @mm-myluv @amberfreemanmygirlfriend @lilahaga @mikeymisser @carolcunha7 @not-alesha @burninghotlava @shaunashipmanism @chaoticghosthoagiegoop @paigesbabymama @spidersareskrunkly @ghostampire @cursedashes @yveslish

tried to tag all of my followers, or as many that it’d tag. idk, i really want this to be seen.

[ubtendo]

Top 10 childhood videogames?

Wait, that's such a fun question, but I'm blanking on games I played in my childhood because I played so many😭

This list could have been a lot more obscure, but I tried to keep it more basic

Uhh and if anyone wants the reasoning for any game, I'm talking a bit about them under the cut

1. Tomodachi Life

One of my first actual games that I got to choose for my self and I still love it to this day. I mean if you haven't been struggling with the question "who in this ship could be a woman" because you made your favourite ship into miis with the plan on them marrying , but they are both guys and there is no option for a gay relationship, than have you even lived. I remember I got this game on my 10th birthday and I keept running back inside our house to charge my nintendo because I wouldn't stop playing for one second. Even now I still boot it up on my birthday first thing in the morning to see the mii version of my friends, family and favourite characters sing happy birthday to me.

2. Dragon Quest Monsters Joker

Hands down, if tomodachi life didn't exist, then this would have been my all time favourite game. I'm so surprised that I never see people talk about this game. If you like pokemon, then you will also like this. I watched my mom play it when I was really little, then we lost the game and my brother re-bought it a few years back, but decided he doesn't want to play it anymore pretty early on, so he gave the game to me. I only beat the final boss this year and my main complaint about this game is that lvl. grinding is PAINFULLY SLOW but I'm nothing if not patient so I got through the fight eventually.

3. Pokemon Alpha Sapphire

My first pokemon game and the one I replayed the most. If they never made a new pokemon game you would still find me playing this. I made so many memories in this game, I can't even begin to tell you any because I wouldn't stop. This holds a very special place in my heart.

4. Miitopia

Well when I first heard that there was a sort of successor / spin of of tomodachi life, I was set. I got it as soon as our store had it, and after losing all my games (story for an other day, sort of embarrassing, don't ask) I bought it again and I got my friends to play it as well and I was so happy. I remember that I was sitting in our garden and fighting the final boss only fo find out that that wasn't the final boss, I was so devastated but also so happy that the game wasn't over yet. What can I say, I'm just a simple RPG lover.

5. Animal Crossing New Leaf

In my opinion, a way better game than new horizon. I mean yeah, horizon got a lot of great features but it doesn't hold the candle to new leaf. This game just has such a sommer night vibe to me, but that might be because I keep staying up late to catch beatles all night on the island. Also THE MUSIC DON'T EVEN LET ME GET STARTED

6. New Style Boutique

I'm pretty sure I didn't buy this game myself, and it would feel weird for my parents to have bought it for me because I was a sort of tomboy-ish girl back then, but I played this game so much, and honestly I sometimes so today as well. Ok, maybe I only ever wore the bunny handbag and got the space buns hairstyle but I lived for that. I have the other 2 3ds games and the original ds game as well, but I haven't played much of them.

7. Go Vacation

Ok now we get a bit more obscure. Specially the wii version. I mentioned this before, but I loved the diving minigame and I spent hours underwater just doing that. Mainly I just loved running around the resorts and doing whatever. Me and my brother also sometimes raced down from the peak of the mountain in the snow resort and we placed bets on who would win. Fun game even tho I don't remember any other minigame except diving.

8. Cooking Academy

So my mom gave me her old laptop when I was idk seven? And she still had this game so she gave that to me as well. And I might or might have not burnt every dish that went into the oven. Honestly my cooking skills haven't improved since then, so I guess I'm just very consistent.

9. GTA 2

Ok so I actually never really played that game myself and I only watched my brother play on our uncle's old windows 98 PC. The funny thing is tho is, we were really young, like REALLY YOUNG. I'm pretty sure we never played the story and we just drove with the cars and tried to steal the police cars everytime and hunt down the hot dog car. Real nostalgic to me even tho I wouldn't play it myself even nowadays.

10. Sims 2

Again, my mom gave it to me with her PC. Sims 3 was already long out and I played that as well, but I remember this one much more. Maybe because my version had some weird graphic glitches where all the walls and the whole overworld looked like a red and black checkers board that would make your eyes bleed. Sims in general I remember very fondly because of my mama

[surealisticpillow]

Lines

The lines you wrote were clear.

-Don’t talk about what he did.

-Don’t talk about what I did.

If we crossed those lines you’d disappear for years at a time out of retaliation.

Years where id never even get a happy birthday, and now im expected to give them to you or you’ll do it again.

Where does this end?

You ask me how I’m doing now, like you care,

But I can’t tell you cause it would cross your lines.

“Mom, I loved a boy that hurt me because you told me that’s normal.”

“I hurt myself Mom just like you did.”

“I started drinking a lot just like you after what happened.”

Becoming older and seeing how my siblings parent their children and feeling how much love I have for them as well, I am so hurt that no one saved us.

Most of all, you.

How could you choose him over me?

Does the vodka hidden in your closet taste better than having me in your arms?

What does this say about me?

You know that saying when someone is unappealing to the eye,

“They have a face only a mother could love.”

Am I so ugly that my own mother can’t love me?

Was I a bad kid?

Am I that hard to love?

It makes me so angry.

Because you knew!

Everyone knew!

A 4 year old shouldn’t have to learn what divorce means.

A 5 year old who had a nightmare shouldn’t have found her mom passed out drunk in bed with a stranger when all she wanted was comfort, her mom should’ve told her not to get in bed with them.

A 6 year old shouldn’t have to wonder if its normal for moms friends to “cuddle” with her.

A 7 year old shouldn’t have to go to the neighbors house when mom didn’t come home for 2 days.

An 8 year old shouldn’t have to move states away from her family because it wasn’t safe anymore.

A 9 year old shouldn’t have to call the 911 and tell them their mother’s boyfriend threaten to kill them all.

A 10 year old shouldn’t have been diagnosed with stress headaches.

An 11 year old shouldn’t have felt the need to cut her skin.

A 12 year old shouldn’t have felt the need to send those pictures to get validation from 30 year old men.

A 13 year old shouldn’t have felt like she needed to starve her self to be pretty.

A 14 year old shouldn’t have taken those drugs to numb the feelings you gave her.

A 15 year old shouldn’t be having panic attacks every time she has to see you.

A 16 year old shouldn’t have gotten in that truck with the 20 year old, but she wanted to know what love felt like.

A 17 year old shouldn’t have stayed with her boyfriend after he brutally sexually assaulted her, but who was she supposed to tell? He said he loved her.

An 18 year old shouldn’t have taken those pills and turned her phone off, sleeves soaked in blood.

Everything that has happened in my life, good and bad, I always want my mom.

I need my mom.

I think every girl does.

I want to tell her what they did to me and I want her to hold me and tell me I deserve better.

But she can’t, cause she’s hurt me the most and that would cross the line.

[tixdixl]

For all four of yours?

skin: How comfortable is your OC in their skin? Do they grapple with anything that lives inside them—a beast, a curse, a failure, a monster? How do they face the smallest, weakest, most horrible version of themself? Are they able to acknowledge it at all?

OH THIS IS VERY FUN. Thank you!

Just a heads up warning, this response is going to be incredibly long. So I apologize in advance 😅

Oisín: this is a very interesting question to ask of my dullahan. It's a combination of being comfortable in their own skin while existing in a world that is fundamentally critical or even frightened of them. Humans think of dullahan as monsters. Humans think of dullahan as crewel, as inhumane, as evil. But they... aren't. Their sense of morality when it comes to their role is fundamentally different than humans.

This is what has led them to hiding their headlessness. They start with the TV monitor in public and then move to finding a way to actually wear their own head just to blend in with the general public. But when they are in private, in the safety of those who they love and trust, the TV Monitor or their head comes off. They allow themself to be truly themself, and they stop masking.

Kingsley: OH I FINALLY GET TO TALK ABOUT MY BOY AND WHAT'S BEHIND THE MASK.

So Kingsley is constantly told he is a failure by his parents. This starts as early as ~8-10 years old when his father conducts the first "test" that is done on children in their culture. Because they live in a society where experience is considered a better teacher than mentorship, his father essentially pulls a FMA where he drops Kingsley off in the woods as a boy and tells him to figure out a way to survive for 3 days. If he is able to survive the wilderness, then he will be brought back home. During these 3 days, Kingsley gets into a really nasty fight with a mama bear, and while he does survive it, he walks away with some pretty nasty wounds. He almost loses his eye because of it. When his father returns to pick him up, Kingsley gets really excited. Because in their culture, scars from war are seen as evidence of survival. They are celebrated, because it shows the world that you were strong enough to endure whatever it is you faced. But... instead of being proud of Kingsley for surviving, he is scolded for being unwise. He is scolded for walking away with injuries- injuries that hadnt been properly cared for either. This shame is what inevitably leads him to wearing his skull mask, the casual one and not the formal one.

And this is just one anecdote of a lifetime of double standards, of impossible goals, of constantly never being good enough for his parents. And this in particular is compounded by the expectations placed on him as he goes to NRC. There is nothing that will damage a person more than being told you aren't allowed to go home until you are worthy of being called an heir, and ready to be coronated into lordship. You can imagine the weight of that expectation driving him to immense self-criticism and hyper vigilence in virtually everything he does

At its core, this is the treatment he faces that molds him into the intimidating, harsh (borderline cruel), hyper vigilent, self-critical, supremely isolated, and violently aggressive boy we see entering Freshman Year. And even as he continues to develop his friendships, and especially as we move into the Isle of Cantrevs event, where the crew have to essentially pick up his parent's mess, that weight of having to prove to his parents that he's not a failure is constantly lurking in his shadow.

I think you would even recognize this fear in his own friendships, especially in the RP we are working on with Kingsley and Cooper. And while its not exactly something I've discussed entirely with @ramshacklerumble , I know for a fact this impacts his relationship with Gia, even into them becoming QPPs. But I can confirm that Gia is the first person to point out to Kingsley that he's holding himself to double standards and is incredibly harsh on himself. He's working on it... sorta... 😅

Emil: This is interesting because it's something I've only recently started to dive into. And there are a few directions we can take this.

This is your pre-emptive CW that Im going to briefly discuss trans things, particularly body dysphoria and the desire to change your physical body to feel at home in your own skin. There is also a brief reference to transphobia in here. You've been warned.

For starters, being trans, Emil does experience a lot of body dysphoria. He binds, eventually gets top surgery, and he also seeks out ways to mitigate having a cycle until such time as he decides to have them permanently stopped. He always gets nervous at the prospect of going home because as much as he loves his parents, they don't see him as Emil - at least not until way after he graduates from NRC and leaves home permanently.

His voice is something he often grapples with because despite loving his own voice, he often gets misgendered as a result of it. It's something he struggles with and doesnt have a solution for.

We can also examine this from the perspective of him being a little ray of sunshine and optimistic while being at NRC. He knows that many people outside his friend circle view him as weak. They view him as an outsider. Many even claim he doesn't belong there. This is exacerbated when the Arcane Exchange happens and people start having class with RSA students. But he does belong at NRC. He very much belongs there, and anyone who has actually spent any time with him can see that.

Beyond that, we can look at how he views himself after he Overblots. He thinks his sibling's death was his own fault. He views himself as a failure for not succeeding in his goals. And furthermore, he feels as though he has lost his sense of purpose because he put everything into trying to find a cure for his sibling, only for them to die before he could do anything about it. So then... what's the point? What was the point in any of it? What was the point in going to NRC if he couldn't succeed? What was the point in all of that hard work?

He is slowly but surely grappling with this and overcoming it, but it takes an incredibly long time for him to regain a sense of self and a sense of purpose back. He does eventually realize he is able to use those skills for good - and to the point of "not belonging", that its okay if his strengths dont lie in doing offense. But this is something he has yet to work through.

René: There are three particular directions that I can take this in particular.

I havent explored it much, and truthfully, I should, but René is some sort of nonbinary where genderfuckery and genderfluidity are at play. I have no doubt in my mind this has a major impact on them, being amab, but again, I havent explored it as much as I probably should.

Does their UM count? It's not something they are proud of. They hate the fact that they have it, even though it has been proven useful and it continues to be useful. It doesnt make them feel good that the magic that has come from their experience and from their soul is a magic that breaks mind control, suggestion, or hypnosis. They don't like the fact that their magic is one that forcibly breaks contracts and agreements without repurcussion. Not because its not useful, again, but rather because of what it implies about themself and their existence. I haven't actually sorted out whether or not René comes to terms with this, especially since their UM failing against their father is something that triggers them into Overblot.

Also they don't believe people will actually like them for who they are if they showcase their true thoughts, opinions, and emotions. They have been trained to only be and present a false version of themself that is acceptable to their father and to other people. And it ends up leading them to believe that their real sense of self has no value. Plus its their real sense of self that ends up hurting Rémi in their childhood. And they really loathe themself for hurting Rémi the way they did. These are things I'm still exploring with René and havent fleshed out, but we are getting there.

Thanks again for the ask and if you got all the way this far- thanks for reading!

Prompt List

Tag list: @cyanide-latte @simons-twsted-children @inmateofthemind @ramshacklerumble

@rainesol @elenauaurs (lmk if you want to be added)

[youareiron-andyouarestrong]

Answer the Questions and Tag 5 Fanfic Authors

tagged by @mosylufanfic, thank you friend!

1 . How did you get into writing fanfiction?

I think I had been telling myself stories in my head since I was old enough to think coherently, but it wasn't until I was in college that I realized that I could write those stories down, and actually put them in the world to be read by other people.

2. How many fandoms have you written in?

According to AO3, I have written in twenty-six fandoms, not counting whatever's lurking in my writing tag in my blog. The fandom I've written the most for is Rogue One.

3. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

I started writing things to be read in the spring of 2013, so...eleven years. which is insane to think about.

4. Do you read or write more fanfiction?

I read a lot more, but I am trying to set aside dedicated time to write...at least once a week.

5. What is one way you’ve improved as a writer?

I think my phrasing has improved a lot. I love writing long, involved descriptions and worldbuilding, plus snappy banter, which is a thing I think I've gotten a lot better at in the last eleven years.

6. What’s the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

not weird per se, but I definitely looked up Indian wedding traditions for my Kanej mehndi fic and Punjabi names for children (also for a Kanej kid!fic), not to mention I tried to figure out how London neighborhoods work for a Lockwood & Co. fic (I still don't know).

7. What’s your favorite type of comment to receive on your work?

The fact that anyone comments at all is a fact that continues to blow my mind, but anyone who tells me that they loved a turn of phrase, a description, or that one particular sentence flowed/hit home/stuck with them? may they be blessed in their endeavors forever.

8. What’s the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

I wrote a Mad Max: Fury Road prompt/fic where all the characters had beast aspects/animal traits but they weren't were-animals, or something like that? Idk, I really wanted to write tiger!Max and lioness!Furiosa, so that's what I stuck with. 9. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

Multi-chaptered!! It is so hard for me to sustain a continued story with an actual plot. my latest Lockwood & Co. piece, passed down like folksongs was the better part of a year's worth of labor, not to mention heroic beta-ing, and me going back and adding and rewriting and adding some more.

10. What is the easiest type?

Anything in media res, where I can just jump right in and get to the "good stuff," like the kissing or the action. Too often I get bogged down with the "how did we get here?" or "wait, they were against the wall, now they're on the floor? how did that happen?"

11. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

Google Docs is the most convenient, also for sharing purposes, though if a document is like, my thesis work, I'd probably use Microsoft or something more permanent. Someday I'll save up enough to get Scrivener...like a grown up.

12. What is something you’ve been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

I really want to write a sprawling Lockwood & Co fic that's like, involved family trees and weird anecdotes about the Lockwood family, and how ghosts like exist in other places. I would also want to start introducing original characters in different works, but I'm always afraid they'll end up sounding too much like a self-insert. But I'll get there!

13. What made you choose your username?

I had just changed my tumblr handle, and I didn't want the bother of having to keep track of two usernames! so I borrowed a line from a tumblr poem that I admired: "youareiron_andyouarestron." it stuck, and that's been my name ever since.

tagging @dangerously-human, @cats-and-metersticks, @menina89, @linearao3, and @oneofthewednesdays, if they want to!

[dimonds456]

Undertale is 8 years old today, and Papyrus is still one of my favorite fictional characters of all time, and definitely the one that's still the most important to me. Thank you, Toby Fox, for everything.

Time to get sentimental.

I was in middle school when Undertale came out. I wasn't there for the release, but I was there before the new year, around November.

At the time, I was in the worst mental state I have ever been in. I was deep, deep in the depths of depression, and no one in my family believed me when I told them that, since I had always been the "dramatic child". Attention-seeking. My brother was still very young at the time, too, so y'know.

To put it bluntly, my life was in danger from my own mind. Without saying the word, you can probably guess what I mean. I was alone, when I tried to reach out for help I was either denied or made fun of, and I was getting increasingly worse.

Then Undertale came into my life.

I loved it instantly, watching Jack play through the game and then quickly convincing my parents to buy it for me once I got to the end of his pacifist route. And playing it myself took weeks, since I wasn't good at games and the bullet hell format was torture, but finally making it to the end and getting to hug Asriel for myself marked a change in my life's trajectory.

See, I did not have the courage to play through the genocide route on my own, instead watching Lets Plays and YouTubers React compilations. I remember latching onto Flowey and Chara immediately (and I was in the camp of thinking Chara was good until the fandom made me second-guess myself, unfortunately). I remember getting upset at Undyne's death and feeling awful at Sans'. And I knew what the game was trying to tell me, I picked up on the themes of love and mercy.

But that's not the part that stood out the most to me. That, instead, goes to Papyrus' death in the genocide route.

"W-WELL, THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING. ST... STILL, I BELIEVE YOU CAN DO A LITTLE BETTER, EVEN IF YOU DON'T THINK SO. I... I PROMISE."

This single quote saved my life. I say that without exaggeration.

Whenever I was struggling in school, I'd ask myself what Papyrus would tell me if he were there. And then he'd comfort me. Lift me up. Encourage me. Told me I wasn't the terrible person I thought I was, and even if I was that person, I had the potential and capability of change. I could do better. BE better. Help others do better.

So I did. I used that energy to pull myself out of my depression (by myself, btw. no one came to help me except one (1) teacher, who finally convinced my parents something was wrong with me, and even then they didn't really do much to help so). I put forth a persona of kindness, one that I embodied more and more as the months and eventually years went on.

To this day, I still try to be like Papyrus.

He's not perfect, far from it, but he also acknowledges his flaws while lifting himself and others up despite them. He loves himself, and uses that self-love to help other people, which is something I still desperately want to embody.

Papyrus' encouragement was the one thing I had to cling to when I was deep underwater, and he brought me up high enough that I could start swimming on my own again.

Was it silly? Yeah. Was it cringy? Maybe at the time. Do I regret it? Hell no.

When I fell, Paps was there to catch me, even if it was just from my own imagination. But if he could help me out that much simply by existing and leading by example, then goddamnit, there's hope. Hope I cling to every day.

Thank you, Papyrus. I owe you my life.

Thank you, Toby Fox, for creating Undertale in general. The whole game helped me out to many, many extensions (like telling me lesbians and trans people exist lol), but I can't emphesize enough just how much it's helped others, too. Just how sincere the game is. Hopeful. I look at Undertale today and I see a better future. Thank you.

And thanks for reading. Surely this isn't the first story you've heard like this, as Undertale is just one of those games that touched a lot of people, so I appreciate you giving it the read. Undertale means a lot to me, and it always will.

We can all do a little better, even if we don't think so. I promise.