#i wish we could have a better relationship

[some-eldritch-bats]

I think this is a more aggressive problem in transmasc circles from what I've seen, but it's still a huge issue in transfem circles. I also know that, in my own case, it's mostly not an issue from trans people. Mostly it's internalised or it's from cis people. It could be worse for me - I'm a butch woman and have no interest in trying to be feminine, so I don't cop as much heat since it's not really possible for people to judge me as "appealing to cis men" because I am objectively not, and indeed actively try not to. But like.

Yeah.

Similarly, though, I personally feel like I want to be slightly less fat than I am right now. I'd love to lose, like... maybe 15kg? I don't care about being fat, but right now I'm at a level where it hurts my joints, and I work in a walking around/standing up job so I would prefer to lose weight for that.

And you know, it's hard? Because whenever I talk about it, either I get "oh, you need to lose a lot more than that :)" comments, or I get "nooo queen, you don't need to lose anything <3 you're so valid <3 you're gorgeous just how you are!!" comments. Which, neither are helpful!! I just want to carry less weight around on my shitty knees!! Like yeah I definitely get self-conscious about my appearance, but I'm progressively less and less worried about that and more and more neutral (i.e. feeling that being fat is a different kind of beauty, neither better nor worse to my own eyes, and therefore I don't really view it as impacting me so much). It's legitimately just a desire to have less weight on my joints, and maybe also to sweat slightly less under the Aussie summer sun. I do not need you to tell me that I'm "perfect how I am", because my body shouldn't simply exist: it should serve my interests and needs. If I want it to be different, I should be able to change it!!

I just wish weight was something we had a healthier relationship to as a society, especially for trans people who are already dealing with the hell of trying to conform to or break out of cishet norm standards. We deal with a lot of shit already, and this really shouldn't have to be piled on with it.

I think I’ve talked about it before but the hypersexualized ‘twink feminine trans guy’ thing has caused people’s (mostly cis guys who prey on trans men) idea of what a standard trans guy looks like to be warped.

What is skinny for a cis woman is suddenly fat for a trans guy. Trans guys have to be super underweight to be ‘pretty’. And this pressure to fit into the ‘cute anime boy’ leaks into online spaces. I can’t tell you how many times I got called fat when I was 110lbs by other trans guys who think that the only way to be loved is to fit into what chaser cis men want them to be.

[ghsface]

Not sure if you are taking request but can we get an angst with Matt where like reader and him are dating for years but recently comments have been getting to her or people have been following her home and eventually she decideds to break up with Matt but Matt takes things to in his hands where he’s tells ppl to stop and they get back together?(Lol sorry if it didn’t make sense but thank you)

𝜗𝜚 new messege .ᐟ.ᐟ

Hey gorgeous, I really liked this idea, I hope you like it too.

You are the only thing I want - Matt Sturniolo

Sumary: You and Matt had a secret relationship and when you decide to make it public everything goes wrong...

Warnings: angst hate messages towards reader, this is just angst with a happy ending

A/n: Leave me ideas to write in my inbox because I'm running out of ideas. I'm sorry if something is misspelled or not understood. My first language is not English. By the way, what do you think of my new theme, in my opinion, it's very cute like the baby pink and light brown. 🩷🧸

⛧°。 ⋆༺ ✮ ༻⋆。 °⛧

It had been exactly fourteen months since the first time you and Matt kissed. You hadn't imagined then how important he would become in your life, nor that being with him would be so complicated. Because, although you adored each other and the bond between you grew every day, that relationship had to be kept secret. It was a mutual decision, made for practical reasons. At first, the thrill of secrecy made everything more exciting. But now, you both felt exhausted.

You had spent too many nights talking secretly in the car, dates arranged down to the last detail so as not to be seen, or moments of solitude where, instead of shouting to the world how much you loved each other, you had to hide it like a forbidden secret. The situation was starting to weigh on you.

That night, you were on the couch at Matt's house. He was holding you, and your head was resting on his shoulder while you felt his fingers playing with the strands of your hair.

"Aren't you tired of this?" he asked quietly, breaking the silence.

You raised your head and looked at him, searching his eyes for what he really wanted to say.

"What are you talking about?"

"About having to hide… about not being able to tell anyone how amazing you are." Matt smiled, but his eyes reflected a sadness that you shared.

"Of course I'm tired. Sometimes I wish we could be a normal couple".

"Then let's do it", he suggested, giving your hand a squeeze. "Let's make it public. I don't care what others say. I want to be with you, and I want everyone to know it."

The idea made you feel butterflies in your stomach. The love you had for Matt was bigger than any fear, and the fact that he was willing to share your relationship with his fans made you feel special. You decided to announce it on social media.

When Matt uploaded the first photo of the two of you together, you felt a mix of excitement and nervousness. The image showed an intimate moment, a selfie of the two smiling on the beach, with the sunset in the background. The caption was simple but powerful: “Over a year together, and we’re just getting started.”

For the first few hours, the response was overwhelmingly positive. There were comments from fans congratulating and supporting them: “They look beautiful together,” “Finally someone makes Matt happy as he deserves,” “What a great couple they make!”

But over time, other types of messages began to appear. “Her? Is he really with her?”, “She’s not enough for him,” “She’s only with him for fame, I’m sure she’ll use him to become famous,” “Poor Matt, he deserves someone better.”

At first, you tried not to take them seriously. But every time you checked your phone, more of those comments appeared. There were people criticizing your appearance: “She’s too basic for someone like him,” “She’s not even pretty, how dare she date Matt?”, “Matt deserves someone more attractive.”

The words cut you deeply. You knew you shouldn’t let those comments affect you, but you couldn’t stop the doubts from starting to poison your mind. Every time you looked in the mirror, you started to see those flaws that others mentioned. Insecurity began to invade you in a way you hadn’t experienced before.

Matt tried to comfort you whenever he noticed you looking down. Sometimes, during the night, he would catch you reading the comments on your phone, and he would simply take the phone away from you and hold you, whispering that he loved you and that was all that mattered.

“You don’t need to listen to those people, babe,” he said, looking at you with a sincere expression. “They don’t know anything about you, they don’t know how amazing you are.”

The comments didn’t stop, though. Every day they became crueler and crueler. Rumors began to circulate suggesting that you were only with Matt to gain followers, or that you were using his fame to make yourself known. People commented on every aspect of your life, from how you dressed to how you looked without makeup. There were those who said things like, “It’s obvious that she dresses like that to get attention, can’t she dress up better?” or “She should thank Matt for giving her a chance, she’s just an ordinary girl.”

At some point, comments were no longer the only thing. People started following you home, taking photos of you without your permission, and even trying to get close to you to ask you invasive questions. You felt watched and judged at every turn, and little by little, you started to believe that you weren't enough, that maybe all those people were right.

The pressure began to be unbearable. Your self-esteem plummeted, and every time you looked in the mirror, you saw someone who, according to the world, wasn’t enough. Matt tried to cheer you up, to remind you how much he loved you, but you couldn’t stand it anymore.

One night, after one of your most difficult conversations, you asked him to meet you. Matt came over to your house, and as soon as you saw him, he knew something was wrong. He stared at you in silence as you searched for the words to say to him.

“Matt… I can’t do this anymore,” you whispered, your voice shaking.

“What are you saying?” he asked, frowning, clearly worried.

“I can’t be in this relationship anymore. The pressure, the comments… they’re tearing me apart. I can’t take it anymore.

Matt looked at you, unable to process what you were saying. He was trying to understand, but the pain in your eyes made it clear to him that you were really hurt.

“But… I love you, and I don’t care what other people think. They don’t understand what we have.”

“I know, Matt. I know you love me, but I can’t go on like this. I’m losing myself in all of this.” It's getting harder and harder to get up and pretend everything is okay.

You took a deep breath, trying to hold back your tears. “Matt… I can’t keep going like this. I can’t handle the pressure, the comments, the people following me everywhere. I feel like I’m losing myself, and I don’t want to drag you into this. I think… I think it’s best that we break up.”

The goodbye was hard and heartbreaking for both of us. In the days that followed, Matt stayed away from social media, not mentioning anything about what had happened. He isolated himself, trying to understand how the love of his life had to walk away because of the cruelty of others.

Weeks went by as you tried to get over the situation, even though you felt empty. However, one afternoon, while you were checking your social media, you noticed a post from Matt that surprised you.

It was a photo of you and him that Nick had taken, and the message was clear and direct: “I don't give a shit what others say about my girlfriend. I'm with her because I love her, and that's never going to change.”

Matt's public statement was not only a message to his fans, but a promise that he was willing to stand up for what they had. Feeling a torrent of emotions, you decided to call him. When he answered, his voice trembled with emotion.

"I can't go on without you" he said quietly, while you tried to hold back your tears.

"Me neither, Matt… I love you."

That night, they met again, and between tears and hugs, they knew that this time there would be nothing and no one that could separate.

⛧°。 ⋆༺ ✮ ༻⋆。 °⛧

your reblogs and replies are always appreciated dearly, and feel free to leave a request ✮

⤷ Tags... @matthewsroses @sophand4n4 @strnilolover @lolastrniolo

[neverpathia]

fuck this shit

have my voice of the broken

and please ignore how elementary my art looks

it's not the full design unfortunately, but a little guy is a little guy, I hope. + the original pencil-and-paper lineart.

now I was gonna go by a specific order, like starting from voice of the hero and all, but broken just resonated with me too much and I thought we could make a pretty neat design out of him so there we have it.

okay I have quite a bit to say about him

come on, the fact that he's the most like me out of all the stp voices surely says something. tower route isn't exactly how my very first playthrough went, true, but once she beat the ever loving crud out of me and the rest of the route unfolded

I had to do a double take he's so real wtf

everything Broken says is something that has definitely passed through my mind at some point or another, especially when it came to a few relationships of mine. the way he just defaults to surrendering. taking the easy way out, the ONLY way out, which is in fact only digging yourself deeper into the problem. somewhere in your subconscious, maybe you know this. but what other choice do you have? she's above you in every way possible. don't you want to please her? isn't this how it's all supposed to go? and, besides, you don't want to taste the alternative.

defiance can't be an option anymore. it's a path fraught with danger and fear and the Broken is blindly submissive because it's the only thing he can be. he can't let himself think like a person or feel like a person or even be a person anymore if it's all just going to get taken away from him.

maybe he's bitter. maybe he hates the world. maybe he wants to let himself feel something that's not simply her, and her, and her.

but it's too risky, too dangerous. and it's so much 'easier' to just...not. just do what she asks, because there's a course of action put before you, and you won't be hurt if you do what she says. and you don't want to be hurt. and everything she's already doing to hurt you is so much better than everything she CAN do if you defy her.

and she loves you. in this twisted, unbalanced, unfair way of hers, she loves you. call it love because you don't want to know what else it can be.

you hate this love. it suffocates you. it drowns you. it seeks out the cracks in your soul. it enters them. it expands them. but it's the only thing left in there anymore.

it may look like a choice when you reciprocate it in the same unjust way. it's turned against you and you're just blocking off your escape, that's what they see. but what does the Broken see? safety. protection. an escape from whatever she can and has thrown upon you if you don't.

you can have "whatever you want" at the cost of a "you."

I feel so bad for him, but I can't help but feel that I...am him. Just 'choosing' to submit and keel over and accept your comfortable little prison is kind of real. It's 'choosing' safety and sloth at the cost of my autonomy, but since when had it even been a choice? external circumstances nudge you towards a corner. your own willpower, or rather lack thereof, backs you further into that corner. the Broken is too familiar.

and yet the way he always makes it a point to hear others out. he empathizes. he soothes. because he doesn't want them to be Broken like he is, or rather, he's the only other one who's just as Broken and he knows how much it sucks. to be at war with yourself all the time yet you yourself are stuck and stagnant and unmoving in everything you know you hate as much as you try to pretend you love. everything you do, every second you live, as wrong as it always feels. he wishes for a choice where he has never had one himself and he can, in a way, live that choice through others.

maybe I'm just projecting idk

fyi there's a reason I gave him that particular hairstyle. it's tied together and weighed down with two teardrop-shaped ornaments. like how he's so restricted and it's heavy, it's so heavy, being sad all the time is a bitch and you can only be tired. yet the braids are still ornate. still straight and silky smooth, still beautiful. but what then? and what if a few strands threaten to escape? it means nothing, it's still what it is. helplessly fixed in place, but who would think about it.

[herefortheships]

All the Small Things...

One of the biggest benefits of Beetlejuice 3 starting with a time skip, if they decide to do it, is that they don't need to spend much time building a dynamic between Lydia and Betelgeuse, if they intent to give them their romantic endgame.

We already saw how they get along in BJBJ and how he continues haunting her at the end, so the base is set. If they do a little time skip, the movie can start with the two of them already having a more established kind of relationship from which the story can take off. They can build their endgame romantic relationship in a believable way, without even needing to have Keaton onscreen more than the amount of time he feels like Betelgeuse should be onscreen (we all know how he believes Betelgeuse can't be in the movie too much <-Totally disagree with him, though! At least for a BJ3 I really feel like he should be onscreen a lot more than 17 minutes).

Lydia and Betelgeuse could have developed a friendship offscreen (or a reluctant friendship, on Lydia's part). OR, better yet, they may totally be acting like an old married couple. They can be shown bickering about little things that only matter when two people care about each other a lot. (I just thought of that clip with a couple arguing because she was shoveling the snow and he didn't want her to do it because that's his job as the husband [I think he even said she was too cute to be doing that 😂]. I wish I could find the clip to put it here. lol)

Little head canon time 💜: Imagine if Betelgeuse acts like her husband whenever he pops up to haunt see her. He makes her coffee every morning; some days he even sets the table for her breakfast, and very night he arranges her slippers by the bed. Lydia acts annoyed, especially at first, "stop trying to see me!" "Just leave me alone, already!" But she secretly loves all the little things he does for her and has gotten used to it. And he does it all because he wants to; he did say he was going to make her happy. The wedding might have not gone through, but, does that matter to him? Nope! He can finally make contact; it's no longer such a long distance relationship anymore. He's gonna make the most of those little moments he can have with her.

And maybe it even takes a lot out of him; he has to focus really hard to appear around her without being summoned, but he doesn't care. He just wants to be there. Maybe he leaves her roses on her bed sometimes, and gets her bath ready for when she comes home from work. It's like someone's taking care of her at all times, but at the same time... He's not truly there. He can only pop in every now and then; he can't be there permanently unless she sets him free. So, when there's a morning Beej can't pop in and make her coffee, Lydia misses him and wonders why he didn't show up today. She has a phantom husband, always there, but also, not truly... Only in his absence does she realize what he's become to her. And that's how she's slowly fallen for him, because of All the Small Things.

[heretherebedork]

It's about how Save would throw anyone under the bus or even throw them away to get Hope better treatment and how that turned him into a weapon for Boss (that he royally misused) and how Joke both reflects that in his quest to save Jack but also how Joke had built a community while Save only ever had or wanted Hope.

I really wish we'd been able to see more of Save and his relationship with Jack besides stopping over one time for a drink and Jack trusting him that one time he saw Joke because a lot more nuance would have been achieved if we'd seen their friendship and trust illustrated in more time rather than two shallow glimpses and the bank scene which was already the betrayal.

Save betrayed people far worse than Joke did and he did it to save Hope and for his own debt but we didn't get to see the side of him that wasn't the betrayal, not really, and I'm sad because seeing that would have only made it more devastating.

Hope is Save's knight in shining armor and will protect him from anything and forgive him anything and it's an interesting reflection of Jack and Joke. Because Save does awful things to protect Hope and all Hope does is tell him to protect himself first and that everything he does is justified while Jack is quick to tell Joke to stop and step back and won't justify anything he does.

Personal good versus greater good and impact versus intent and the relationship dynamics at work are fascinating and, again, it makes me wish we'd gotten more Save in the show because the contrast of Save and Joke could have been so, so good and such a gift.

[radfemsiren]

My deepest, darkest shame as a feminist, is that I sometimes daydream of a "normal" life (normal as in what the heteronormative society consider that to be)

Im nearing 30 and have never had a partner and I feel so incredibly lonely. I think I would be better if I had a strong female circle, but most of my friends are in relationships; they are moving in with their partners, getting married, having children and I realized that I will never ever again be a priority in their lives.

I know I wont ever be a mother, and that I probably will never be a wife, but I cant help of wish that I was able to just have live that normal life that everyone else around me is living.

Its hard to prioritize the women in your life and a life without men, when those women wont do the same.

I understand how you feel and the biggest way to escape isolation is to not be around men, or women who belong to men. And when I say that, it’s not about women who are in relationships, it’s in their mindset. Even women who have been single for years can be boy crazy, it’s super toxic and will make you feel lonelier than even being alone.

Finding women that prioritize themselves and other women and cultivating that network will help so much. For me, outdoor activities like surfing or female hiking groups were the best places to find these women, but you can tailor it to your interests.

I also thought maybe I should try living a normal life and wondered if I’d be happier, a few years ago. Met a great looking man, started dating, met his family, got along well with him… still wasn’t happy. Still felt alone in conversations with him, and could tell he’d never understand me in the way that I needed to be understood. Sometimes what is appealing is only so because it seems far away and unattainable. Once you finally have it… it loses its luster. Hope you find a way to build your life in a way that cultivates the most growth and happiness for you, I’m rooting for ya girl! ❤️ No one has it figured out but we just need to keep trying and what is good for us will stick

[kj-yikes]

Do you personally like Andrea Rojas as a character?

I honestly wasn't a huge fan at first, but I think with some rewatches, I've changed my tune.

On my first watch of S5 when she's first introduced, I think I kinda brushed her off. She was fine but not the most compelling to me. She seemed written as kind of a means to add depth to the Kara/Lena rift (Lena needed to get away from CatCo, Lena needed more backstory for why betrayal hurts her so much, the weird way they wove in Lena's magic and how she needed the medallion to stop Lex) and Andrea really shakes things up at CatCo, so I was kind of annoyed about her at first. And then Crisis happened and honestly I fucking hate Crisis because I feel like they handled it so poorly on Supergirl (idk how it was for other arrowverse shows) and she just kind of seemed confusing post-Crisis, so I didn't really give her much attention.

But now that I've watched Supergirl, like, so many times, she's grown on me and I get a little upset about how they introduced her as a character just to totally underwrite all her character development with crisis. Andrea is actually a really tragic character, to me. Here are some moments that really shine for me pre-crisis, and I wish we had gotten a little more depth especially post-crisis:

(putting under the cut because wow, maybe I need to read/write some Andrea fics? I clearly have a lot of Thoughts?)

I do like her backstory with Russell and it adds to her character. Their meet-cute is adorable. And she's definitely a "you jump, I jump" kind of gal even with Russell. "Don't kill Russell, he's useful to you." Andrea is super smart and strategic. We don't get a "please don't kill him, I love him, what you're doing is wrong," change your mind/inspire hope kind of speech like we'd get from Kara. Andrea doesn't know a lot about Leviathan, but she knows enough to realize that showing that Russell could be useful is a better tactic to saving him than begging for his life. And it kind of works, sort of. He's alive.

Andrea fiercely loves. Lena asks her to drop everything and go pretend to be explorers to find some medallion that may or may not exist, during a very tumultuous time in Andrea's life, and Andrea does it. She accepts some mysterious bargain for her father's life, then kills when she has to to continue protecting her father. She reasons with Leviathan for Russell's life. Truly, she will do anything for those she loves.

But that's where the tragedy happens. She loves Lena. She loves Russell. But when she has to choose, she chooses her father first, and it destroys her other relationships eventually. (And the fact that her post-Crisis, Earth Prime father blames her when Obsidian tanks is heartbreaking, but I guess we'll get there.) She says it's the biggest mistake of her life, that she never wanted to betray Lena, that the medallion is a burden. I honestly want to know why the medallion unlocked her powers. What does that mean? I have so many questions.

Andrea pre-crisis is a pretty sympathetic character too. She doesn't kill because she's evil. She does it to protect the people she loves. Yeah, it's for evil Leviathan, but honestly I think that's what makes Eve a sympathetic character to me too. Getting blackmailed to do evil things because you love someone? That's some interesting shit, and I do think we kind of get some payoff on this post-crisis.

The scene where Andrea asks for Lena's help to break into the DEO is delicious to me. Andrea just wants to fix her mistakes. She wants to do good, too. ("Honey, when I look at you all I can feel is pain." Why can't queer people have normal breakups??) Lena says she's tired of people hurting each other. She reluctantly agrees to help Andrea (which is, in a way, betraying Kara for Andrea) and then turns around and betrays Andrea (she seems to be all bark and no bite though. "Russell, put down the scalpel" LOL Katie's delivery is so good there). Lena's hurt (she just wants to be someone's #1 for once) and she lashes out like she normally does. It's so deliciously messy and heartbreaking and makes for a good story. There's no doubt that all three characters (including Kara in this, because it's hard to talk about the theme of betrayal without her) are motivated by love, and they all choose to handle it in such different ways.

Idk. I could go on. They really packed quite a bit into the 7? 8? episodes before crisis and I think it pays off pretty well. And then crisis happens, and Earth Prime Andrea is there and....??? They let us lean on knowing Andrea's character pre-crisis but do nothing to distinguish her or tell us what her Earth Prime backstory and motivations are (this just seems to be the common theme with crisis. Like, how does Kelly react to crisis? I think she gets her memories back, but like, she doesn't even know Kara is Supergirl at this point, so??? Anyway this is about Andrea not Kelly).

They get rid of the Russell backstory completely (? I think?). She still has the medallion, so I guess she betrayed Lena, but Lena seems over it because Andrea is useful, so they don't even really get a good reconciliation since Lena brushes it off (not that they ended pre-crisis on good footing, but at least everything was out in the open?).

The only real scene I think has some substance is when Andrea is tasked with killing Supergirl, but even then, I feel like this scene does much more to show Lena's character arc than Andrea's given that we're given practically nothing about Earth Prime Andrea. If you think of it in light of where we know Earth-38 Andrea ended up, it's kind of beautiful to watch Andrea make the choice to be the person she really wants to be (@fazedlight has a really great post about this).

I also think the scene where Kelly finds Andrea crying after the Obsidian debacle to be quite poignant, but only through the lens of knowing Earth-38 Andrea. Earth-38 Andrea sacrificed everything for her father, and her Earth Prime father is so quick to push her under the bus.

I'm getting things a little out of order in my head and I don't have time to go watch, but I think after that, Andrea chooses to kind of rescue herself, make sure she's set up when everything falls apart. I think this is an interesting choice for her. I love that she's choosing herself for the first time, and not doing something self-sacrificial for someone else. But it's still pretty morally gray of her to break into her father's account to buy up her shares of Obsidian. And then, later, she tries reconnecting with Lena for what seems to be the sole purpose of getting a scoop, which Lena doesn't appreciate.

Are those examples of Andrea being who she wants to be? It could go two ways: one, yes, this is her being who she wants to be, and that person is someone who's gonna do anything to get to where she wants to go. I could see it, but it's kind of a sad way for Andrea, who loved so fiercely in Earth-38, to end up as a character. Two, it could be that choosing to do good is hard, and sometimes we slip up. If that were the case, I wish we had gotten more from her as a character at the end of S5 and into S6. Lena and Andrea do somewhat reconcile I think (I’m not quite remembering exactly how, but I remember they’re friendly by the time Lena goes to Newfoundland), but we don't get a lot of them after that.

SO. Do I like Andrea as a character?

Yes? Earth-38 Andrea is certainly an interesting and tragic character. Earth Prime Andrea? Eh. Earth-38 Andrea was kind of set up to be an interesting comparison to Lena and Kara’s falling out and then they were like, well I guess she’s on Earth Prime but we don’t really care to redevelop her backstory. It’s a shame, because I think they could’ve done so much more, especially with her relationship with Lena.

[tinkeli]

Stay. ✧ Rain Carradine x fem!reader

Warnings: Alcohol use, shameless smut, language

Summary: You've been pining over your best friend's ex for months. Of course, she'd never like you back. Probably.

Author's note: first post on tumblr in years, and also my first fanfic ever lol. English is not my first language so I'm sorry about any grammar mistakes, also wrote this when sick so it might be confusing LMAO. Anyways i need rain so bad it isnt funny anymore

wc: ~4,7k

✶

“Rain.” The name rolled off your tongue smoothly, as if you had repeated it a lot - which you had. To yourself, mostly. Tyler stood in front of you, his curious expression shifting to one of slight bewilderment. 

“Rain? You like her?” He spoke, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Tyler was your best friend. Knew you better than anyone. What he didn’t know was that you liked girls. More specifically his ex.

 Didn’t know. Until now.

You nodded, gaze drifting to your feet, almost shamefully. You knew he would never be mad at you for something like this, but it was still a difficult admission to make.

“Tyler, I’m sorry. I just-” You started, reaching out to place a hand on his arm, trying to ease him. 

“Y/n, It’s… Okay.” He muttered, giving you an unreadable look, his thick eyebrows slightly twitching, unsure. Tyler’s relationship with Rain hadn’t ended well, him still clearly having feelings for her. “At least she could actually like you.” He adds, chuckling dryly. Rain had realized she wasn’t into guys, that being the main reason for their break-up a few months ago. You gave him a reprimanding frown. That wasn’t something he should joke about.

You needed to glance away for a moment to gather your thoughts. You knew him. The way he was acting, he wasn’t telling you everything. Tightening your grip on his arm, you spoke, voice laced with guilt: “It doesn’t seem to be ‘okay’…” 

Tyler, ever the people-pleaser - at least when it came to you - gave you a weak smile. “It’s okay, promise.” He shook your hand off your arm to place his large hand on your shoulder. “Go for it, I say.” He spoke, pausing to swallow thickly. “What Rain and I had - it’s in the past. We don’t have any hard feelings, never had.”

You took a heavy breath, looking up at him. “Still… Would you really be okay with your best friend dating your ex?” You spoke quietly, grateful for the warmth of his hand on your shoulder seeping through your shirt and grounding you to reality. “Would it not hurt you?”

Tyler shrugged. “Nah. Like I said, what’s done is done.” He spoke, reassuringly looking down at you. “And who’s to say you won’t get rejected?” He added with a grin, clearly trying to lighten the mood.

“Funny.” You remarked sarcastically. But he was right. Did Rain even like you? It’s not like Jackson’s Star had lots of women (or people in general) she could’ve trusted.

✶

As you walked home through the dingy and filthy streets of the colony, clenching and unclenching your hands beside you, Rain was the only thing in your mind. As usual. Did she like you? Could she ever? Who even was she? Rain Carradine certainly was a woman of many questions. Ones you wished, prayed, you would get the answers to.

The next day, you were making your daily commute to the mines. Only a few more 9-hour shifts and you’d have filled the quota for getting out of here. Of course, nobody ever really got away.

You learned that when you were still young. The memory of seeing your parents so crushed over another increase in their required quota would always stay with you. They had died almost 10 years ago. It seemed that everyone’s parents were slowly dropping dead, being overworked since the age of 16. You were sort of lucky, having lost them before your age even reached double digits. You didn’t remember that much about the time you had with them. 

Your thoughts drifted to Rain again, as you walked through the crowded main street of the colony. You wondered if she ever missed her parents, how well she knew them. She was enigmatic. Every time you thought you were getting to know her, it seemed as if yet another layer of the walls she had built around herself materialized to replace the one you had just broken down. You felt like you didn’t know her at all, despite her having been a part of your group for 3 years at this point. 

You worked through your numbing mining shift, clocking out when it was 3pm. What to do now? It was Friday, so it was typical of your friend group - more like family at this point - to gather up in your favorite bar to get drunk and forget about all your problems. 

You headed home, utterly exhausted. You were glad it was only 3pm. You had time to rest. You took a hot shower, the warm water easing the aching in your body, before taking a short but effective nap. You made yourself some food and cleaned your small flat a bit to distract yourself.

Still, she found her way into every thought in your head. Especially her eyes - God, her eyes. The prettiest color you had ever seen. The first time Tyler brought Rain to meet the group back when they had just gotten together, you were all but enchanted. Her eyes were perfectly shaped, like the almonds your parents used to buy for meals on special occasions. The color reminded you of your favorite flowers - irises. You had only seen photos of them in books, but they were still your favorite. Her eyes sparkled like light-blue sapphires when hit by the artificial lights on the streets. Whenever you two would have a conversation, however short, you would have to force yourself to look somewhere other than her eyes for even a moment. 

Strange. Eye-contact was usually really not your thing.

Neither were blue eyes, really. Before meeting Rain, of course. For example, Tyler’s cousin’s icy blue eyes were kinda creepy. Pretty, yeah. But creepy. Like he could look right into your soul with those things. Full offense. Bjorn was an asshole. Though you had a soft spot for him.

How you wished you would get a closer look at her eyes. Much closer. You had spent more nights fantasizing about her than you would’ve liked to admit. Her mouth on yours, those strong arms wrapped around you, small but deft fingers fucking in and out of you. Fuck. You really have to get it together. 

✶

Time passed when you stayed busy doing menial chores. Soon, it was time to get ready to meet the others. You felt an almost nauseating excitement pool in the pits of your stomach, knowing you would get to see her. The excitement mixed with a debilitating uneasiness, having a hunch that you would make a fool of yourself in front of her, some way or the other. Still, you decided to put on your hottest dress. The short, black one that accentuated all your curves in just the right ways. 

You walked to the bar, luckily only a mile or so away from your apartment. You flashed the bouncer your ID, slowly walking inside. You looked around for the others, spotting Tyler, Bjorn, Navarro and Kay sitting around a table in the corner. You greeted them, settling next to Tyler. It was kind of awkward, since the last conversation you two had had was about your crush on his ex. 

You intently listened to the others talk, expecting Rain and her brother to appear any second, like they always do. Still, an hour passed. Then another. At this point, you were pretty wasted. Your filter tended to disappear when you got alcohol into your system, so you finally built up the courage to ask the others about Rain’s whereabouts. 

“Hey… Where’s Rain..?” You spoke, voice slurring slightly as you held a half-empty beer can in your hand.

“She should already be here...” Kay said, furrowing her brows and looking at the others, in case they knew. 

When no one had an answer, you started to feel the worry in your stomach build, making your stomach churn. It sobered you up. Rain was never late. You had learned that in your many months of observing her.

“Should we go check on her?” Tyler asked, the unease evident in his voice as well.

“I’ll go.” You slid out of your seat, not leaving any room for arguments. It was strange enough that she was late. Even stranger that Andy hadn’t shown up to tell you guys about it.

You ditched the group despite their protests about going outside, drunk and alone, dressed in that tiny dress. You knew where Rain lived. She had gotten her own apartment near the others’ trailer after her and Tyler broke up - she didn’t want to be around him much. Things got back to normal, but she decided to keep living there with Andy. Said it suited her more.

You slightly stumbled while walking up the stairs, past the other apartments. It was honestly a miracle that you managed to find the right door in such a state of panic and intoxication. You knocked on the door frantically. “Rain! Andy!” You yelled, pressing your ear against the door to listen for any movements.

Sure enough, you heard shuffling from behind the door. You leaned back just before the door swung open, revealing a tired-looking Rain.

“Hey.” She spoke quietly, her eyes taking in your disheveled appearance. “You been through a hurricane?”

You let out an audible sigh of relief.

“You didn’t come. T-to the bar, I mean.” You explained, breathless. God. You had never been so glad to see her.

 Even now, you couldn’t help your eyes trailing from her eyes to the clothes she was wearing. Or the lack of them. Rain was clad in only short shorts and a tank top. Your breath hitched in your throat as you took in the sight.

“Didn’t feel like it.” She spoke nonchalantly and shrugged. She gave you a look. Must’ve noticed you ogling at her. Shit.

“Come in. You look like hell.” She said, voice warming up a bit.

You felt your stomach flutter with the force of at least a thousand butterflies. Still, you complied - of course you did.

You shook your shoes off, following her into her small flat. She sat down on the couch, looking up at you with an unreadable expression. You swallowed, following her and gingerly sitting down next to her. 

A tense silence fell between the two of you. You two rarely hung out alone.

“So… Any reason you wanted me here?” You spoke carefully, trying your best to pronounce your words clearly despite being drunk and still reeling from the panic you were feeling the whole way there. 

Sitting there, just you and her, made your insides twist in nervousness. You studied her profile, her beautifully sloped nose, the way her brown hair was messily tied up, but still somehow managed to look put together.

After a moment, Rain responded.

“Not really. Jus’ felt lonely. Andy’s been installing some kinda software update for an hour now.” She spoke, taking a sip off the almost full aspen beer bottle on the coffee table.

“So you’re drinking alone ‘cause you feel lonely? Even though you could’ve come to the bar with us?” You felt the earlier panic and worry subside now that you had found her, giving way to your usual drunken demeanor.

She gave you a small chuckle. Her smile was so pretty. Pure.

“Guess so.” She muttered, taking a larger swig, finishing the bottle in one go.

Fuck, that was hot. You couldn’t take your eyes off the way she let her head fall back, how her throat moved when she swallowed. You felt a warm thrum low in your stomach, instinctively bringing your thighs closer together when you felt your core ache for her, getting wetter by the second. Why did beer always have to make you so damn horny? You cleared your throat nervously, trying not to stare at her too hard.

“Got any more beer for me? Since you’re evidently not letting me back to the bar.” You tried sounding casual, shifting to a bit more comfortable position on the couch.

She scoffed, but got up and walked to the fridge. “If you want to leave, I can’t stop you.” She spoke, walking back to the couch with a couple of bottles for the both of you. She sat down and passed you a bottle. “I just… Hope you don’t.” She added more quietly.

Her words made your heart skip a beat, and you tried your best to hide any signs of the turbulence happening through your entire body.

“I… I won’t leave.” You choked out, gripping the beer bottle tighter as your gaze involuntarily wandered to her almost bare legs. The legs you had often pictured on your shoulders, your face buried in her pussy. Fuck…

“You okay?” She shifted closer, leaning closer to your face. “You look a bit flushed…”

Oh fuck she’s right there. You gave her a smile that was a bit too wide, nodding. “Oh, i-it’s probably just… Just the alcohol.” You stammered, your grip on the beer bottle tightening.

“If you say so…” She muttered. You almost exhaled in relief, but she didn’t move away completely, just leaning back slightly. She stayed there, close, looking at you intently. You tore your gaze away from hers to take a sip of the crappy beer you all had gotten used to drinking.

“Are you and Tyler together?” You suddenly heard Rain nonchalantly speak from beside you, making you almost spit out your drink. 

“Oh- fuck no.” You chuckled dryly. “Just friends. He’s more like a brother to me than anything.” You add, wanting to make your relationship with him abundantly clear.

She hummed thoughtfully at that, taking a small sip of beer, before meeting your gaze again.

“Have you ever been together with anyone?” She questioned, slightly tilting her head to the side. God, how was she always so calm? You felt like you were about to combust.

“No… Just some random hookups in bars.” You mused, absentmindedly rotating the beer bottle in your hand. “Why do you ask?”

“Just wondering…” She drawled, giving you a strange look. She was smirking at you, her expression almost smug. 

You finished your beer bottle, setting it onto the wooden coffee table with a clink. As you settled back onto the couch, you noticed the way she was slightly leaning towards you while facing forward, nearly laying her head on your shoulder. You felt the butterflies make their return, the almost nauseating flutter making you swallow and slightly tense up.

“You sure you’re okay..?” She spoke quietly and turned to face you, placing a hand on your thigh like it was nothing. You immediately looked at her hand, eyes widening. You forced yourself to meet her gaze, opening your mouth to speak. But no words came out.

“What’s the matter, y/n?” She rolled her tongue across her lower lip, making direct eye contact with you. Your breath hitched as you saw her gaze flicker down to your lips for a fraction of a moment, before returning to your panicked eyes.

Her eyes were dark. The pretty blue irises were almost completely eclipsed by her pupils. Had she done drugs? You cluelessly thought to yourself, so oblivious to what Rain was thinking about. Her hand tightened on your thigh, and she leaned closer and closer, until you could see every little pore on her skin, even in the dim light. Is she oka-

And then, her lips were on yours.

It took a moment for you to register what was happening, only coming back to reality once you felt her small hand on your almost hot cheek, the other still on your thigh.

You immediately felt all reason fly out the window, your hand snaking up her back to her neck to grab onto something - anything. All you could think about was how much you needed to touch her. 

You tilted your head to deepen the kiss, your grip on her neck slightly tightening as you felt her tongue enter your mouth. She was really good at this, her tongue swirling around yours, tasting you. She took her hand off your cheek, placing it on your waist, her other hand running up your thigh to your hip. Without breaking the kiss, she pulled you to her lap, making you straddle her.

One of her hands inched onto your back, her fingers teasingly running over the zipper of your dress. She pulled away, looking up at you with an intensity you had never seen on her face. She looked otherworldly, her eyes half-lidded with arousal, lips glistening with saliva.

“You have no idea how much I want you.” She whispered breathlessly. “You knew exactly what you were doing,” She paused to nip at your neck, eliciting a sharp gasp from you. “Coming to my place in that dress.” She continues placing wet, open-mouthed kisses down your neck, slowly opening the zipper on your back.

You damn near moaned at just her words, her every touch making your blood run hotter and hotter. She lazily rolled the short hem of your dress above your ass, pulling the item over your head. She let it fall to the floor, taking in the sight in front of her. She looked up at you with a cocky smirk. “You’re not even wearing a bra…” She drawled, sounding almost condescending.

You didn’t have much time to dwell on her tone of voice, her hands moving to palm at your tits greedily. “So perfect…” She sighed shakily, leaning down slightly in order to give your nipple a tentative lick. You whined at the sensation, hearing her chuckle against your skin. 

Rain started licking, sucking, and nibbling at your breast while her other hand pinched and flicked at the other, making your head fall back. You shivered and gasped at the sensations she was making you feel, certainly far better at this than the random drunk girls you had hooked up with before.

Still, it wasn’t enough. The shivers of pleasure coursed straight to your aching core, your panties already soaked, uncomfortably so. Your hands grasped at her muscular arms desperately as you looked down at her. “Please, Rain… More.” You breathed, voice trembling with arousal. 

“Fine, fine…” She shook her head in resignation. “Lie down for me.” She purred, letting you get off her lap and lie on the surprisingly comfortable couch. She was on you instantly, forearms planted on either side of your head as her lips crashed onto yours. Her knee nestled between your legs, grinding against your arousal. You moaned into her mouth, the slight relief making you rub against her leg desperately.

“You’re so needy…” She muttered, looking at you underneath her. Her face was flushed, and eyes practically glazed over with lust. “Need’a taste you.” She whispered huskily, even just her voice making you gush. “Please…” You whined as she planted kisses down your neck, nibbling at your collarbone, definitely leaving a mark. She slowly moved down your body, showering it with little bites and kisses, before reaching the waistband of your panties.

“Fuck, you’re wet.” She mused under her breath, placing her hands onto your inner thighs, pushing them apart and pressing a finger against your damp panties. You inhaled sharply, quietly whining as she began to lightly circle your clit. “So pretty…” She murmured, increasing the pressure. You instinctively snapped your hips towards her, needing more. She let out a low chuckle, enjoying the reactions she was able to draw out of you. “Want me to take these off?”

You nodded frantically, lifting your hips slightly to allow her to carefully slide the last article of clothing off you. She lowered herself down to her stomach, inhaling the scent of your arousal. 

“Please, Rain-” You whined, hands clenching around the couch’s soft cushion.

“Please what?” She grinned up at you, tilting her head slightly. “Use your words, sweetie.”

“Please, eat me out!” You whimpered, your hand subconsciously moving to grab the hair on the back of her head.

“‘Atta girl.” She purred, plunging her face into your dripping pussy. She licked a stripe across the length of your core, tasting you. You let out a soft moan, trying to keep your body as still as possible. Her hands grabbed at your thighs, keeping the spread apart with ease as she worked, lapping up your juices, using the tip of her tongue precisely, making your legs shake. She dipped her tongue inside you, essentially fucking you with it. God, no one had ever eaten you out this well. You let out needy whines and moans, probably a bit too loud for Rain’s neighbors. But neither of you cared, so lost in the moment.

Your head fell back as Rain slid two fingers inside you, pumping them in and out in tandem with her mouth’s movements. Her fingers curled up, just enough to hit that spot that makes you lose it. You were so close. “Rai-in..!” You whined, tightening your grip in her hair. “...’M so- close!” Your words were pathetically desperate and slurred, the movements of her fingers and mouth making the pleasure coil in your stomach.

Then, she pulled away. You whined at the loss, looking down at her with a downright devastated expression. “Not yet.” She tutted, making eye contact with you as she licked her fingers clean. “Wanna enjoy this…” 

After a moment of kissing and sucking at the soft flesh of your inner thighs, she leaned back down again, her breath hitting your oversensitive core. You groaned, your hand in her hair tightening but not pushing her down. “Now, what do we say, sweetie?” She spoke, rubbing up and down your thigh.

“Please.” You choked out, earning a smirk from her.

“Good girl.” She continued what she was doing earlier, her tongue drawing shapes and letters onto your folds and clit. Her fingers returned to your entrance, teasing it a bit before slipping inside again. It didn’t take long for her to have you a moaning, panting mess again. You started to feel the tension in your stomach build, until you were teetering right on the edge.

“Come on my face, baby.” Rain chuckled against you, giving you one last languid lick and sending you right over the edge. Your walls clenched around her fingers as you did exactly what she told you to. Your head fell back with a loud moan of her name, your whole body tensing momentarily as all you saw were stars. She coaxed you through your orgasm, slowly moving her tongue against you. She got up from her position between your legs, hovering over you with a smirk on her face.

Your eyes fluttered open to see her on top of your breathless body. She looked ethereal. Her hair was ruffled, cheeks flushed a light shade of pink, lips and chin glistening with saliva and your juices. Jesus Christ…

“You’re so beautiful…” You muttered, running your thumb over her lower lip and bringing it to your own lips to taste yourself, keeping eye contact. You noticed how she slightly twitched at the sight, clearly struggling with her own neediness.

“I wanna make you feel good, too…” You looked up at her almost pleadingly, meeting her large, oh so pretty eyes.

Rain grinned. “How could I say no to that?”

She pulled you on top of her, her hands on your waist. Panting, lips slightly parted, you looked at her splayed out underneath you.

You leaned in to capture her lips in a kiss trailing your hand lower down her body, playing with the hem of her shirt. One of her hands tangled in your hair while the other stayed on your waist.

You broke the kiss for a moment, pulling her tank top over her head. Seeing her bare chest and stomach made your stomach do a flip. “You’re so… so hot.” You muttered in awe, hands lightly running down her sides. She gave you a coy smile in response.

You began trailing kisses down her neck, making her gasp and shiver underneath you. Slowly your hands made their way to her shorts, and you hooked your thumbs under the waistband, tugging them off almost frantically.

You pressed your fingers against her damp panties, applying just enough pressure to make her desperate for more. It took all you had not to tear her panties off and eat her out until she came on your face. You needed to be patient. The sounds of Rain’s soft whines, the ruffling of fabric, and your heavy breathing filled the air of the otherwise quiet apartment.

“Take them off already…” She frustratedly huffed, which you chuckled at, complying. You carefully pulled her panties off her legs, discarding them to the floor next to you. 

Seeing Rain completely bare in front of you almost made you come again. You had been waiting for this moment for months. You took a shaky breath, leaning in to place a surprisingly soft kiss onto her lips, palming at her breasts. They felt just right, the warm and soft flesh fitting perfectly into your slightly cupped hands. She moaned into your mouth, making you shiver with anticipation.

You trailed your hands lower, one settling on her hip bone, the other running between her slick folds, eliciting a sharp inhale from her. Your index and middle fingers lightly circled her clit, making her whine louder, arching her back and squirming. You pulled away from the kiss for a moment to look at her reactions, the way her brows knitted together, how her eyes fluttered shut when applying pressure to just the right spots. 

You teased her entrance with your fingers, slowly inserting one, then two fingers. It took a few tentative pumps to find the right angle to curl your fingers at. Her head fell back with a high-pitched cry, a sound you thought you would never hear her utter. You smirked at her reaction, picking up the pace, grinding your palm onto her clit as obscene squelching sounds resonated from your fingers moving inside her.

“Please… Your mouth..!” Rain mewled, sending a jolt of excitement coursing through your entire body. “Of course.” You murmured, settling yourself between her legs. You inhaled her intoxicating scent, making your head spin more than any beer you had drunk.

You dove into her folds fearlessly, your other hand gripping her thigh while the other kept moving inside her. You gave her core an earnest lick across the whole length like she had done to you, feeling her hand fly to your hair and grab onto it desperately.

“F-fuck...” She groaned as you began to lap at her, tasting every spot your tongue could reach, flicking and running across all the places that made her moan. Your fingers worked steadily as your tongue flickered over her clit, using your flat tongue to make her whole body arch against you. As you edged her closer and closer to release, her hand tightened in your hair, the slight pain turning to pleasure - it was Rain doing this to you after all.

“Y/n– I’m close.” She gasped, her legs trembling slightly. You hummed against her, ever so slightly increasing the fervor of your movements. After a beat, her hand clenched around your hair, the other grasping at the edge of the couch. “Ah- y/n!” She cried out, her walls fluttering around your fingers as the waves of pleasure crashed over her. You did what she had done to you, lightly licking at her as she came down from her high.

You timidly get up from between her legs, returning to hover on top of her. You reach out to caress her cheek, affectionately rubbing circles on her skin with your thumb.

“You did so good.” She praised, voice husky from the exertion. You smiled wide. Looking at her, flushed and breathing heavily, you felt your heart swell, knowing you were the one who made her feel like this, made her feel good. 

You carefully lowered yourself into a lying position on top of her, utterly exhausted. A comfortable silence fell between the two of you as your breathing evened out.

“Will you stay the night?” She quietly, almost shyly, spoke, playing with your hair.

You nodded. “Of course.”

For a moment, you wondered if the others would worry about the two of you disappearing. But it didn’t really matter to either of you at that moment. 

✶

Thanks for reading!! Feedback is appreciated <3

[thelesbiancitizen]

so when I was trans I chose to estrange myself from my mother (and father) bc I could no longer talk to her about the intense feelings I was having blah blah w/e. not talking to my dad was great but it was painful to be disconnected from my mother. and anyway so later on after we reconciled I found out that at that time she decided to go to therapy and she started journaling bc she wanted to fix our relationship. so I was just talking to her yesterday and she and my dad just moved to a new house, and she told me my dad found a box of her stuff with one of her journals from this time in it and he STARTED READING IT. and he saw her writing about [insert my male trans name here] and assumed she had been having an affair. LMAO. So she had to be like no you dumbass that's our daughter, don't you remember? (he didn't even recall the name I LEGALLY CHANGED MY NAME TO for a year.) And she chastised him for reading her diary bc who the fuck else would it belong to, it being in a box of her things, and he said "well it could have been [insert my name here]'s" as if that's any better bro.... i knew his creepy ass wouldn't think twice about reading my diaries which is why i never kept them growing up.... and he's an LCSW and does like online counseling and she was like what if your clients' families read their diaries? and he apparently did not like that LMAOOO anyway Im glad she told me this because I feel vindicated. I felt so gross growing up with him and he never had any boundaries and he still doesn't. Wish my mom would leave him

[cherryplasmids]

i can write a thesis on why prime is such an amazing show but i would like to point out three things i had issues with. this isn’t coherently written, just rambles i want to get off my chest

1. the fact that we didn’t get to see knockout mourn breakdown’s death IRKS ME. there’s barely any mention of BD after mech kidnapped and committed acts of body horror against him. even when he is mentioned, it’s always in a flippant manner. that was KO’spartner (in all ways) and we don’t see, in any way, that the death actually hurts KO.

in fact, KO should have become an autobot as a result of BD’s death/body desecration. no one gave a shit about BD, including megatron—someone KO expected to have at least a shred of worry over a loyally capable decepticon soldier. no dice—KO was demoted from prolific medic to loser lackey ( he's still fun tho! i still love him!) as the episodes go by with still no opportunity to mourn. at least with the autobots they’d have some apprehension over his defection, but OP would have understood.

imagine the miko and KO interactions if he expressed reluctant and embarrassed interest in human culture!!!!!!

HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN AN AUTOBOT EARLIER

(by association, BD should have switched sides after he realized that his comrades, except KO, left him for dead after the initial mech experiment)

(i just wish we got to see more of them together)

2. dreadwing should have been better utilized. not sure if the writer’s didn’t know what to do with his character, but megatron literally made him 2nd in command, then he would disappear for episodes at a time. when he did appear, he failed at every mission given to him. he definitely should have switched sides, too. then again, not sure what could have been done with his character as an autobot either

3. beast hunters…lasted like four episodes. branding wise, titling season 3 like that made it out to be more than it actually was. predaking as a whole was also useless to me. his entrance was grand, but the payoff was totally not worth it in the end. compared to ultra magnus who’s entrance was lackluster, ended up being a necessary addition. i didn’t even like him in the beginning, but i grew to really enjoy his character development—especially his relationship with jackie

[louisferrignojr]

gotta say that i disagree that nobody fights for buck. in s5 taylor said it best: buck's life is full of meaningful relationships, actually. every person of the firefam would fight for and support buck. he is and will never be alone again in his life, especially during the hard times (which they reiterated in 8x05). meanwhile, we see thus being contrasted with tommy not having any kind if support system like that. the same seemed to be the case for taylor. i know people want tommy to fight for this, and i agree that i definitely need him to check his trauma and fears to work this out with buck. but buck is the main character that has had seasons of alleged development. he died and came back, got clarity, was supposed to finally feel good in his own skin, worked out his childhood trauma with his parents in therapy, formed a support system, now discovered he is bisexual and felt free with it. and now tommy is the only one who should grovel? i get the idea but. evan buckley is the character we have seen grow and learn. i want him to put in the work as well. look at how he fought for his job when he thought he would lose it forever. THAT is what i need from him rn. if he is just giving this up with a shrug, then i don't want bucktommy in canon. we have seen tommy taking care of buck and supporting him in all his shenanigans. i need to see that buck is absolutely serious about this and ready to fight for it. if he doesn't, he still hasn't found his true love or still doesn't know what he wants in life. i am bored by this. we have been here multiple times already. do something else with evan buckley finally or just allow him to be a bachelor forever.

okay yes buck has meaningful platonic and familial relationships.

no romantic partner has fought for him. abby ghosted him because of her own issues even though she's a fucking grown ass woman, ali got a reality check and broke up with him when he was in recovery after nearly dying, which okay, fair enough. and while i believe taylor did nothing wrong in reporting the jonah story, the narrative wants us to think she prioritised her work, and she did betray buck's trust which, again, buck wanted to protect his firehouse (which is his family) so he wasn't being objective. reporters exposing scandals within govt orgs that are supposed to protect the public is not a bad thing, actually. the only time he's broken up with someone first is natalia and we were told it's because she was obsessed with his died-and-came-back experience.

and listen. i love tommy more than anything. but buck is still the main character. we're going to see buck going through the breakup, not tommy. we're not going to get much about tommy's past. we're not going to get any scenes with tommy and another character if buck isn't also there. you remember karen going to chimney and them day drinking together because they thought hen was being unfaithful (again)? i wish we could see tommy and chimney talking about their buckleys. but the way the show got rid of all minor characters and consistently treats LIs as nothing more than LIs... i'm not hopeful. we'll get one scene with tommy's Explanation and i'm not even hopeful it's gonna be well written (but i'm sure lou will be serving. god. they wrote such a shitty break up scene and he fucking ATE.)

yeah, buck fucked up by jumping the gun and asking tommy to move in with him when he couldn't even say the i love you, and i hope this will be addressed in future eps. but tommy immediately ended the relationship because he Knows Better and left buck heartbroken. this is what happened on the show. the average viewer isn't doing ten layers of analysis to understand tommy's perspective, nor should they have to. i love the metas, i'm digging into tommy's headspace in my next fix it fic, but this is still the dumb weewoo show.

i don't think tommy needs to grovel, i don't think he's the Bad Guy in this story, i have a lot of empathy for tommy and so does the GA! they're not mad at tommy, they want him back! they want bucktommy back! and i want them both to fight for each other, to apologise and admit to their fuck ups and admit how much they care about each other and that they want to be each other's forever love! i want them to say i love you!

but buck is still the protagonist in this story and i don't want to see him running back to someone who broke up with him in such a way that had him asking "wait, did you just break up with me?" because again, this is what happened on our screens. i want tommy making the first move, opening the door for reconciliation, showing that he knows he made a mistake out of fear from his past trauma, for buck to then know he is wanted, that tommy came back for him, and then put in the effort to fight for them.

hope this makes sense. and as always, for people reading this - this is not the space for you to bash on buck's previous LIs, please take it elsewhere.

[that-one-dudette]

This. I saw in a post that the Tommy story has resonated with us the most because it's kind of the story of our generation (late, in their 30’s millennials).

Karen and Hen, a married couple, overcome their infidelity and navigate the challenges of growing their family, with hints that these obstacles may be related to their race and sexual orientation. We know from the begins episode that Hen embraces her sexuality, and in the Karen episode at her Uni about how she had to shift her life plans because of DADT.

Michael's story is more of a Gen X one,  building a family with Athena for 16 or so years and then being ready to be out and save his family.

Josh, as a lot of people have mentioned, is super underutilized, but he since the beginning has been thriving in an environment mainly populated by women, being competent and nice. But ultimately it also seems lonely (and the phishing/abuse story was so hard).

And then you have Tommy, a late millennial that had to lie to himself and others, was a terrible version of himself but could change when being part of a group of nice people while still in a very macho line of work, that we see is wishing so badly for a family, that did the work, tried to be true to himself, and did better. We saw him being a great boyfriend: sweet, thoughtful, funny, considerate... And then we watched him end up alone out of fear.

His story talked to a lot of us from how relatable he could be as a character and how hopeful (being set as a rom-com) his relationship was. Naturally, we are all filled with sadness now.

Yes, Buck's bisexuality should only be about him, not who he's with romantically. Exploration and heartbreak are both pretty much inevitable in his journey to figure out what this new realization means to him fundamentally.

Yes, he's going to be miserable for a while, but he has people who love him, he has a community, he has a family. He'll be okay eventually, and he's going to come out of this stronger than ever.

That's how the show expected us to take it, that's what the cast and Tim said in the interviews. That's why even Lou asked us not to hate him.

But they severely underestimated the number of viewers who resonated with Tommy's story equally, if not more.

From Buck's perspective, this breakup is just a small bump in his continuous journey.

From Tommy's perspective, that's it, that's the ending of his story and it's a tragedy.

A lot of us are also from the "pre-Glee" world. We've done things we would later regret, we've hurt people unintentionally, we've kept people we love at arm's length, just to survive in an intolerant world. A world that might be making a comeback, judging by the political climate.

We've been lonely, we've yearned for a community that would accept us for who we are. On a meta level, we're Tommy, we watch the show because we want to be a part of the family.

But Tommy ends up alone, still too scared to take the risk, to open up his heart, to love.

If you don't have a solid support system to begin with, if you're not lucky enough to have always been accepted, then you're just too broken, too damaged for anything good.

For people like us, it in fact, does not get better.

[lucky-clover-gazette]

rating the volo voice lines from pokemon masters ex as i hear them for the first time

“I’m Volo of the Ginkgo Guild, the go-to choice for your mercantile needs.” 

Sounds like he’s practicing his merchant persona in front of a mirror. Very pleased with his own performance. Might break out into song about it. 8/10

“Allow me to present this to you.” 

Spot-on cadence of Chris Traeger from Parks and Recreation. 4/10

“Here’s a special treat for you!” 

Creepy. Feels like he’s going to hand me a bomb. 2/10

“Oh! It’s looking lively around here.” 

Sounds like he thinks he’s too cool for the party you’ve both walked into and wants to know that you hate it too. 7/10

“What a joy to be alive!” 

Said with the paradoxical determination and resignation of someone who values his own life too highly to end it, but hates that life so fucking bad. 10/10

“Oh! My heart is racing with excitement!” 

Sounds like he just made himself think of something he actually cares about in order to generate enthusiasm about your thing. Also, overdoing it on the “oh,” there. 7/10

“If we use this well, the world will open up.” 

Whatever you say, beautiful. What are we talking about? 8/10 

“I like you better and better!” 

He’s telling the truth, but he likes me for reasons way less innocent and simple than my continued business. Regardless, the praise is appreciated. 10/10 

“Fancy running into you again!” 

Two possibilities: he very intentionally arranged this meeting and is pretending to be surprised, or he was surprised by the meeting and is pretending to be chill about it. 8/10 

“Maybe we’ll get to know each other better now!” 

Sounds like he’s about to ask for my social security number, and if I’m into men, and if I’m into giving men my social security number. 6/10

“Of course. I’d be glad to help.” 

He’s foaming at the mouth to involve himself in whatever protagonist shit I’m up to right now. 9/10

“I can see a whole new world!” 

According to Bulbapedia, he says this “upon reaching max level.” Is that like a relationship level? Does that mean I’m his world? Knowing his motivations in PLA, this could easily have a double meaning—getting close to me, and therefore Arceus, allows him to create a new world. This concerns me less because of the world erasure thing, and more because it might mean he doesn’t actually care about me. 1/10 

“Let the battle begin!” 

Doing a pretty good job sounding normal with this one. 3/10 

“That’s it! Go right ahead!” 

According to Bulbapedia he’s saying this to Togepi, which is very sweet. Also explains why it doesn’t sound fake as hell. 10/10 

“Here you are!” 

He says this to Togepi when he gives her an item in battle, I’m assuming a potion? Which is, again, extremely sweet. 10/10 

“Pay me later!” 

He says this while “using Trainer move,” which I assume is like his signature flourish during battle. The reference to his merchant persona is clever and he sounds like he’s very proud of it. I’m amused by the implication that I’m supposed to pay him for something, though. Is he helping me or battling me? Both? What are we, Volo? 4/10

“Delightful!” 

Accompanies the “nice” emote. I’m not going to complain. 5/10

“Careful now!” 

Accompanies the “watch out” emote. He sounds concerned, but like, in a “please don’t inconvenience me with your pain” way. I wish he truly cared, but maybe if I lie to myself, I can believe that he does. 3/10 

“I’m filled with curiosity!” 

Said with the exact cadence of Grunkle Stan talking to idiot tourists at the Mystery Shack. Ostensibly laughing at himself, but actually laughing at the people who are stupid enough to believe him. 9/10

“Pokemon battles are always good fun!” 

He only says this when he wins, which means they’re not always good fun. Makes perfect sense for the character and I like the delivery. 8/10 

“Too powerful…” 

He says, actively fantasizing about eventually proving himself more powerful. 10/10 

“BEHOLD! DESTINY! LEGENDS! UNDONE!” 

Bulbapedia identifies these words as things he yells during “unity attack/theme skill.” I have no idea what that means. It sounds to me like he’s accidentally taken a double dose of his ADHD stimulant medication and is just saying whatever the fuck comes to mind. 6/10 

“Allow me!” 

Said while “switching in.” Assuming he’s helping me, this is rather nice to hear. I’m more than happy to set this strange contemptuous man on my battle opponent. 9/10 

“Oh dear, that’s too bad.” 

Said while “recalling fainted Pokemon.” Option 1: He’s recalling his Togepi and trying very hard to sound brave about it. 10/10. Option 2: He’s taunting me about my fainted Pokemon with a sickly-sweet condescending tone. Also 10/10. 

“Good morning! Are you heading out today?” 

I appreciate the casual greeting and barely-contained rabid interest in my protagonist activities. 8/10 

“In that case, potions are a must.” 

Thoughtful and dedicated to his quotas. It does feel like he’s five seconds from calling me “milady,” though. Wait, in PLA I think he actually does that. It might be “madam.” He’s so embarrassing. 7/10 

“The weather outsider is lovely today.” 

Sounds like he’s about to take his lunch break so we can enjoy it together. 8/10 

“So, how about it? Care to go on an outing with me?” 

Already beat him to it. He’s trying so hard to sound chill, but I think if I said no it would ruin his day. Also, what’s with “outing?” Just say “date.” The game knows you’re saying “date.” This is a dating sim. 10/10

“Please, don’t overexert yourself too late at night. I don’t want to lose one of my loyal customers!” 

First, that’s what she said. 6/10. Second, he’s negging me again. 9/10. Third, he has other loyal customers?! 0/10

“Ah!”

Sounds like the peanut butter baby from that 2016 viral video. 4/10

“Rrrrrrr…” 

Nintendog. 7/10

*Sighs deeply* 

Agreed. 9/10

“Yes.” 

Me when I say “yes.” 5/10 

*Increasingly loud fake bouts of laughter* 

This man is going to end up on the news. 10/10

*Evil chuckle, tapering off into deranged humming* 

This man is going to end up at the Tony Awards. 10/10 

*Bitchy throat clear that turns into a laugh* 

This is how he laughs at the PLA protagonist after he insults their “curious getup.” 10/10

“Outstanding!” 

He’s high, tipsy, and/or sleep deprived, and someone just suggested getting takeout. 6/10 

“As expected…” 

Apropos of nothing, but he does like to feel smart. 7/10 

“CONGRAAAAAAATULATIONS!!!” 

This is perfect. This is a perfect voice line. The voice actor understands the comedy of Volo’s character perfectly. Divine madness aside, he is a merchant NPC almost obsessively invested in the protagonist’s adventures—but unlike many such cases, the narrative both understands and demonstrates how fucking weird and off-putting that is. 1000000/10 

“I wish you great fortune.” 

Reminds me of the PLA line, “Supporting you now is actually an investment in my own fortunes.” The voice actor nails the double meaning. 7/10 

“HOOOOW DARE????!!!!” 

I can’t find an explanation for this line. I think it’s just random. He’s so fucking weird. Did he read that in a book? Is he in a bad play? 10/10 

*Whimpering* 

Took a quick break to walk around my apartment and poorly make the bed. No further comment. ?/10

*Relieved sigh* 

It’s a relieved sigh. 

*Literal actual moaning* 

???????????????????

*Various other noises* 

The people in the comments of this video were not exaggerating. Holy shit. 

“Have some mercy!” 

WHAT IS THIS GAME RATED??????

*Deep sigh* “Now then…” 

I have no words. I don’t know. Why does this exist in the way it exists. 

“Right! Thank you!” 

I feel like I just witnessed something that I did not ask to witness. Does the Ginkgo Guild have a HR department? 

“My apologies.” 

That is not helping his case. 

“Leave it to me!” 

Good voice line. Great performance. He would say that. We’re back on track, love it. 5/10 

“No thank yewwwwww…” 

Bitch. 8/10 

“Please!”

“Indeed…” 

“That is quite something!” 

All very normal. 5/10 

“You’re too kind.” 

This is the weirdest line delivery yet. He sounds unhinged. Something happened around the 1:19 point of this video that neither of us can pretend didn’t happen. ???/10 

“Until next time.” 

Spoken like a charming male musical theater lead who just did a little song and dance about his life philosophy. 9/10 

“Come on, now.” 

Getting weird again. There is nothing I could possibly possess that would necessitate that amount of beleaguered desperation. 6/10

“Let’s get our blood pumping!” 

Not on the first date—sorry, outing. ?/10 

“The mysteries of the past… oH-hO! How they tICKle my curiosity!” 

Sure. Why not. 5/10 

“Investigating the odd and novel is key to any good merchant’s success.” 

This is delivered pretty much how I would imagine in the game! Also just such a fun line for him—he says this as if it makes all the sense in the world, but it literally doesn’t? It’s a total non-sequitor. Investigating the odd and novel have nothing to do with being a successful merchant, and later in the game he even admits to ditching work to do his research. I’ve always appreciated that part of his characterization—the way he knows that he’s bullshitting everyone and getting away with it, and is simultaneously so smug about his clever ruse and so miserable to be alone in his truth. 10/10

“A HISTORIC MOMENT!” 

Deeply bizarre final line for a deeply bizarre character. I hope he says this about mundane shit like dropping a cup of coffee or getting an email. 10/10.

[prettyprettyswan]

It is sometimes sad when I think about how my sister and I used to be so close with each other when we were younger, and now every time we are near each other one of us will just start fighting with  one another. I miss the old days so much sometimes.

[gunstellations]

In the world I love

_

In a different world

[vexingvorta]

Im not a fan of every argument made here on either side, so first I'll get a few things out of the way;

1, that abuse victims often go on to be abusers themselves if they don't put in the work necessary to heal from their own abuse, that's what people are talking about when they refer to the CYCLE of abuse. To deny that is... Also uncomfortable. Being a victim of abuse does not make you exempt from abusing other people. 2, I wish we'd stop equating toxic with abusive because there is a difference. 3, i don't think autistic coding is really a fair defense of said toxic traits I'm gonna be real. There's nothing wrong with headcanons and projection but just to focus on what actually happened in the series without using headcanon to excuse harmful behavior. I don't know what traits are being referred to as "autistic coded" here so honestly I'm not gonna touch that with a ten foot pole and just focus on what we see;

Its hard for people to accept, but abuse does not happen on accident. Abuse is an intentional choice one makes. And over all, no, Ford isn't abusive. He, throughout the series and due to a combination of his self-centeredness and being a victim of abuse (hell, his self-centeredness was weaponized against him as part of the abuse) was absolutely toxic for most of the time we've seen him.

The argument that he abused Fiddleford is so stupid I'm not even going to acknowledge it. The thing with Stan is, he frankly wasn't around him enough to actually abuse him. A one time event is not abuse. A single fight is not abuse. Abuse is long and drawn out and, as I said earlier, intentional. And, like what was already pointed out, Ford was in a bad state. He'd reached the point of Bill going fully mask off, so to speak, and the abuse now being at it's worst. He was fully isolated and sleep deprived and it made him crazy. Yes, his unwillingness to destroy the journals was deeply selfish and another mark of how self-centered he is. It's the definition of irrational. But, once again, he wasn't in a spot where he could think rationally. (Granted, even if he was, I still don't think he would've been willing to destroy the journals because his self importance and self centeredness is one of his biggest flaws and an important part of his character)

The closest Ford ever comes to being abusive is, yes, with dipper. He starts telling him a lot of the same things we know Bill told him at the start of their partnership; you're special, we need each other, these other people are only holding you back. Nobody understands you like I do. When Dipper expresses concern for Mabel, Ford is immediately dismissive. He looks at Dipper and all he sees is himself, and all he sees in Mabel is Stan. He is the one who pushed that dichotomy, because he really couldn't think outside of himself.

His greatest flaw is that he's self centered and self obsessed. But the thing is, is that he learns his lesson. It takes literal apocalypse to get there, but he does learn and he does reflect and he does apologize and try to do better. He course corrects. Gravity falls, ultimately, is about family bonds and breaking the cycle of abuse. Ford almost continued that cycle with Dipper, but he stopped before any permanent damage could be done, both to their relationship, and to Dipper and Mabels. He fixed his relationship with Stan.

He did in fact have abusive tendencies and toxic traits but ultimately he put in the work to fix them and be better. Ford is a well written and well balanced character. He displays how someone even with good intentions can unintentionally fall back into cruel and toxic habits, and can start repeating the abuse they were put through. He also shows that you can come back from that. That starting down that path doesn't mean you have to stay there. That it's possible to heal and get better.

None of what I'm saying is an indictment of Ford's character. The opposite: he is complex and well written and imperfect, and I love him and his character arc. He could've been so easily made into an irredeemable villain, a no good bastard who's just horrible and abusive. He had all those pieces laid out. But the choice and skill to actually have him go through the motions of falling into abusive tendencies and then getting better is amazing on Alex Hirsch's part, and a testament to his ability to write deep and complex characters.

(also this is just kind of my own aside but the use of "autistic-coded" as like an excuse for how a character acts is really annoying to me for a number of reasons? For one, just off the bat, it's an attempt to make your headcanon sound more canon than it is, but by nature of being a headcanon, it's not really a fair or valid argument here. Second, there are ways to make a legitimate argument and analysis of a characters actions in canon and debate criticisms of their actions without saying "they're autism coded so actually you must hate autistic people", like it's okay, you're allowed to make a legitimate argument. Also, "character did shitty thing because they're autistic" isn't the win you think it is, because let's be real, you're either implying that they have no autonomy over their actions because of their autism, or that you think autism makes people shitty or toxic, neither of which is the win you think it is. Ironically lack of media literacy applies in both cases here, just for different reasons. Okay side rant over, just wanted to throw that out there because holy hell it's something that is used so much in fandom and it gets grating after a while.)

The tldr here is that Ford isn't an abuser. He was abused, he had toxic and abusive traits, but he put in the work to heal and better himself. He's by no means perfect and that's okay, he's a good character, and he's actually trying to be better.

Today in "I hate autistic-coded abuse victims", this shitty take.

Ford did not abuse Stan. He did not abuse Fiddleford. He did not try to drive a wedge in Dipper and Mabel's relationship (he was doing what he thought was best for Dipper and thought Mabel would be fine).

Just admit you hate autistic people and have no compassion for abuse victims. And admit you have no media literacy.

Also, calling a canonical abuse victim an abuser is...uncomfortable, to say the least. Especially with how you're just making him out to be abusive for...not handling personal interactions perfectly. You're demonizing autistic traits. And you need to research how abuse can effect people.

(Also, I know Ford's not perfect. But you don't seem to know that he's flawed but ultimately a good person. You just want a "perfect victim" when it comes to abuse victims, and it's obvious)