#naruto biiju

[oh-no-its-bird]

*wiggles seductively* hi birb, what are ur thoughts on the tailed beasts + jinchuriki

Woah Oni how did u get in my asks box

UMMM TAILED BEASTS AND THEIR JINCHIRUKI OK LETS SEE

I've had (and posted about) a few scattered thoughts ab both the tailed beast and their jinchuriki before, so let's see what I remember off the top of my head

I think Utakata is contender for my favorite Jinchiruki— we don't see much of him but what we do intrigues me. I'm a sucker for a man in slutty, slutty robes and his bubble ability is both interesting and cute to me. I wish there was more content for him

Other than him tho, Gaara is ofc, fucking amazing as a character. I think his entire situation is a great example of the lengths people will go for power, and how willing some parents are to destroy their own children in the hopes of power.

Its a theme that fits in very interestingly specifically in the earlier chapters of naruto, when we are seeing the shinobi world from the shiny eyes of children, who think the whole thing is "cool" and treat the many tiny tragedies and traumas of the adults around them as much more lighthearted than they could be read as. Idk, it's fun to think about

I know we all joke about how "oh its stupid of people to have mistreated the jinchuriki, they're literally walking nukes just be nice to them omg ur signing ur own death warrant rn" but it's easy to see in text why people are so scared of them— especially civilians

They're walking nukes! They have demons in them! The propoganda machine works overtime to make people fear jinchuriki, both on purpose (other villages fear mongering) and just due to natural cultural beliefs (literal demons in rural Japan. The fear writes itself.)

I do think there's an interesting middleground there of like. A jinchuriki being treated with kindness literally only out of fear. Which is still better than blatant abuse, but also still fun to think of the ramifications of being raised like that

I think it's also interesting to see the difference of how many jinchuriki were treated in their villages— some for sure got it worse than others, even if there was a solid through line between all of them of different degrees of "people are scared of me and no one fucking likes me"

I do wish we'd gotten more of the jinchuriki's all together, I love fics where they get to come interact together as some sort of messy family.

Similarly, I love the biiju as just. The world's most dysfunctional family. They are so fun as characters, most of them just want to be left the fuck alone but have no issues with flattening humans if they come too close and I love this for them

I think the relationship between biiju and their jinchuriki are so fun, they are both victims here, they are both justified in hating eachother. But if they are able to overcome that hate and get along— its just really interesting to see. That takes some real strength, on both their parts.

A human trusting a demon, a demon trusting a human. Its desperation that got them there. Desperation and exhaustion and a wish to be free.

The tragedy really writes itself

I've read several fics that take an angle of "since the biiju were sealed, the natural balances of the world have been thrown out of wack" where they'll have things like nature getting more violent or common yokai having dissapeared in the years following the biiju's sealing

I think that's super, super fun and I personally like to use the hc of "yeah no, yokai were super common like ~60 years ago but then Hashirama sealed the Biiju and they all just kinda of dissapeared in the following years. Almost like they sensed the absence of the big spirits and went into hiding in response"

Super fun! Instantly adds several fascinating implications about the naruto world and how it works and how the biiju interact with it by just existing

I also love, love, LOVE to think about the initial reactions to the biiju being sealed back in early konoha. Bc like. Ok so you have this culture, this Japanese culture, that largely revolves around the spirits and respecting them in the hopes that they will leave you be. Generations of people raised with the rules of "leave yokai the fuck alone"

And then you go and have your leader seal one of THE biggest yokai inside of his wife.

The bad karma is off the fucking charts. I refuse to believe everyone just nodded and went "wow what a great idea! Nothing bad could possibly come from this!"

No, no, there were for sure different camps of people who were different levels of horrified / disgusted / terrified / etc.

I think maybe the younger, less superstitious, more ambitious and power trippy people might have been some flavor of pleased, while the older more superstitious people just. "Oh god what have you DONE what have you LET INTO OUR HOMES!!??!"

I imagine that in the following year, Hashirama had to work overtime in appeasing people for fear as whispers of "this village was a bad idea, look now we've gone and angered the kyuubi. He will break free and kill us all and we'll deserve it for being such fools as to try and keep him sealed" grew louder

I remember someone told me that in the manga, we got a couple panels of where it looked like the uchiha had made a shrine to the fox after Kurama was sealed? Which just. Fascinates me. Because it shows that there was some sort of effort made to presumably appease him, which, again, oh man the implications

And then ofc Hashirama goes and gives all the other villages the keys to getting their own Biiju. And people start to fucking hunt them.

And then all the yokai are dissapearing and the bad omens are only getting worse and—

Well, you get the picture.

Anyways, yeah. Early Konoha and general shinobi world reactions to the biiju being sealed fascinate and delight me in equal measure. There's so much room there for practically anything ur gay little heart desires

Oh on that topic, I think it's also interesting to think ab like. Maybe at first, the jinchuriki were genuinley revered. Again, like, culturally, most people are gonna see (especially big) spirits and start trying to appease it so it leaves them the fuck alone, right?

So just. Thinking ab how at first, the jinchuriki were treated with largely (terrified) respect. Especially when they were no doubt first put into already respected and powerful people.

And then, yk, time passes.

People get more used to the idea of jinchuriki as more "honored demon containers" and more "demons themselves."

Jinchuriki are placed into children. Jinchuriki are used in the war effort. They're given names. Faces to fear. People who have killed loved ones— put into bingo books besides other shinobi, just another man to fear.

Theyre... human.

(Theyre hated.)

Nost yokai aren't around anymore, and while many still give their respects at shrines and crossroads, its not with the same urgency and genuine belief as before. Many of the new generation pay no respects at all, and the lack of consequence from the still gone yokai does nothing to convince them to start

It becomes easier and easier to let the "terror" to win over "reverence."

Anyways just. The changing of attitude towards jinchuriki as they become more normalized as just another person over the years. Also something that's fun to think about

Anyways that's what I got, thanks for stopping by my ask box Oni, love u

[domoz-writes]

AU where Kurama didn't get captured again and fucked off after breaking out of Kushina's seal. Konoha lost their biiju

Funniest option: They dont even realize. Naruto has the seal on him but no one's home.

[domoz]

canon rewrites are the mind killer. and i wont do it. but. What if:

Kaguya is mentioned right from the beginning. Like, straight up instead of "one day a nine-tailed fox appeared" it just leads off with the myth of a goddess descending to earth and gifting it chakra.

Shes not(?) a space alien, though its left unclear WHAT exactly she is (an actual goddess? a demon? who knows.)

Also imo I think this would be more interesting for the reader because we ALSO have no idea why everyone hates Naruto so much.

She has a direct hand in making the biiju, and makes them BEFORE the ten tails (for handwavy reasons of needing them to go around and give natural chakra to the whole world or something). They grew up alongside her children and were close to them, though.

Then she witnesses humans using chakra for War and Killing Each -- possibly one of her sons or grandsons Cain and Abeling each other-- and goes 'nope! if you can't play nice with your toys, you can't have them anymore' and decides to take chakra back from humans (though again its left unclear if this was something she always planned to do in order to gain more power or not re: what if she was just using humans to propagate more chakra)

Humans fight back against her, including her own family. This is the point when she gathers up the biiju and makes the ten tails. They're set to rights afterwards, but the experience causes most of them to inherit Kaguya's new bitterness towards humanity/views that humans are inherently selfish. She gets sealed away.

Zetsu can stay, but instead of being the vague 'will of Kaguya' he's straight up like, the empty vessel of the Juubi. His goals are pretty much still the same, though with a slight bent on reforming the ten-tails/filling the empty hole that is his existence

Okay I'm making myself not think about it any deeper than this. But also they should bring in Danzo sooner as a character. Make him like, a second, distant grandfather figure to Naruto that he's desperate to please and doesn't know how to. Idk, it can even be obvious that hes a manipulative bastard, but have it be played off as like 'yeah he's kind of a scum-ball but not that much of a REAL threat' only for the True Extent of his Machinations to be revealed and cause pain later.

Wait no also the end should be 'the system that allows for the injustices we've suffered is broken and needs to be changed' instead of 'the system is fine as long as a good guy is in charge of it :)'

[heiyodream]

But Boruto episode 220 is really interesting because this is a dilemma for Naruto. This was more or less the same situation that Minato faced more than three decades ago. Was he willing to sacrifice his own child for the greater good?

Naruto had been angry at Minato for making him a jinchuriki, for having made him, indirectly, suffer from loneliness since childhood.

(Headcanon: I'm sure, while people know what a jinchuriki and biiju are and their Shodaime's wife is the 'creator' of the first jinchuriki, they don't know who the Kyuubi jinchuriki is in Konoha. I can see Mito just telling a few of her confidants, her husband, and possibly Tobirama, as her brother-in-law and her husband's right-hand man.

I can see the new Konoha Council was formed after Hiruzen started ruling, and Mito told three of her brother-in-law's students about her status as a jinchuriki, and later, Biwako. Kushina's kidnapping could be disguised for reasons other than the fact that she is jinchuriki leaked out of the village.

Traditionally, who holding the secret is the Hokage and his advisors as well as some trusted people like maybe some ANBUs (not the clan heads, I think, there are so many of them, and the more who know this secret, the more vulnerable the jinchuriki's position is to possible kidnapping) so I believe one of the factors Hiruzen chose Minato as his successor was also basically hitting two birds with one stone; making him Hokage gave him legitimate access to Kushina's jinchuriki status.

Unlike Naruto, Kushina not shunned or ostracized by people because she is a jinchuriki. The difficulties in her life, I believe, have more to do with her internal struggles as a jinchuriki, and her adaptation as a stranger in Konoha with an extinct and dead clan.

At the time Minato sealed the Kyuubi into his son, he had absolutely no idea that his 'wish for Naruto to be seen as a Konoha hero' would end up as revealing his status as a jinchuriki, and ultimately, his childhood as an outcast.

The reason for the secrecy of the status of the jinchuriki is what makes the people of Konoha very traumatized and frightened by the Kyuubi's attack and in the end, on Naruto as its vessel. One night, suddenly a mountain-high chakra monster appears in your village, a monster you've always known existed, but more like a legend because the last time it was seen was more than half a century ago, suddenly went on a rampage and destroyed the village and killed people who you loved.

I'm not sure Kushina's marital status and pregnancy could really be a closed, rank-S secret; we see she's not trying to hide her pregnancy when meeting Mikoto (who I believe knows Kushina's jinchuriki status and that's why the Uchiha clan is getting more and more suspicious) in the middle of the road in broad daylight in the middle of the village. A secret kept within the village, perhaps. I could see Hiruzen saying that Kushina and Minato's baby was stillborn or became one of the other poor little kids who died that night.)

Is it Naruto, who had felt the costs and disadvantage from his father's 'for the greater good' decision, can take a similar decision? :))))

[cappucino-commie]

  Okay but what about post-war Naruto in a fashion kind of similar to The Moomins? Not a real 1:1 but something like-

  Sasuke needs space. He needs to see the world, to get away from the blood stained walls of the village, to see real people untouched by the horrors and ideologies of the ninja world. He lives on the road, sleeps in the woods, and helps people wherever he goes. But he finds himself inextricably drawn towards Konoha, every year without fail.

   It’s usually the first truly hot day of summer, that Naruto feels his chakra in the forest outside Konoha. That Sasuke drops whatever he’s doing to rush out to meet Sasuke. To tell him he was gone for way too fucking long this time you bastard, how was your trip, are you okay, did you get me anything? And Sasuke scoffs like yea I spent the entire trip hunting for a souvenir for you (except yes he actually did).

   And they sit in the woods and Sasuke tells Naruto about his travels and all the people he’d met and small town life and people who’d never even met a ninja before he showed up. And Naruto talks about political reform, about how he’s raised the Academy’s graduation age and put a focus on ninja arts as helpful things and chakra based healing. How he helped Hinata and Neji remove the Caged Bird Seal from all the old Branch Clan Hyuuga. How he met with political representatives from places that used to pay tribute (protection money) to Konoha and now are working towards independence.

   Sasuke always stays with Naruto when he comes back, if he sleeps in a house at all. The old Uchiha compound is full of bad memories occupied by Team Taka and lots of war refugees anyways. They’re always excited to see Sasuke back, even though they know it’s never for more than a few months. Suigetsu got talked into teaching swordsmanship to snot nosed kids, and Juugo gardens, and Karin does medical research at the hospital.

  Sakura runs the hospital, with occasional help from her now-retired mentor (”Lady Tsunade you could still deck a mountain you don’t need to go into retirement” “Look after dealing with you kids and your prophecies and reincarnated gods I deserve retirement”), and is at constant odds with Karin. Sakura’s slowly figuring out her relationship with Ino cause neither of them really wanna make the first move but they do eventually get together (which Karin totally saw coming).

  Sarada is born eventually, and it’s pretty obvious to everyone who the father, but it’s also pretty clear that Sarada is Sakura’s kid first. She grows up with Sakura and Ino primarily, hangs around Auntie Karin and her weirdo friends sometimes to hear about her biological dad, and Sasuke does take her on small trips as she gets older. She wants to see the world, but also likes staying at home cause her best friends are here.

   Boruto, similarly, comes about because Naruto’s insecure. He knows Sasuke with his own soul, he trusts him with his life, he loves him more than words can ever express- but also he gets fucking lonely, ya know? When Sasuke’s off travelling the world and he’s cooped up in the Hokage’s tower trying to help detangle centuries of political struggle. And he starts hanging out with Hinata more, as part of helping the Hyuuga clan, and that slowly turns into dating. And it only takes a little while for them to realize that  uh, they don’t work together at all- but that’s more than enough time for Boruto to be conceived and Hinata to decide she wants to keep the kid even if Naruto won’t be involved. Which of course he is, just not romantically anymore. Boruto and Sarada exist in the same weird space of having primary parents but being communally parented. He and Sarada are best friends, and though they’re not related they have a sibling dynamic (by the time they’re 12, they know full well that their respective dads are in love and have a weird relationship).

   Naruto travels too. He goes to Cloud to visit Bee and convince A to take in more war refugees (Cloud always liked taking lost kids, they have a weird culture where all ninja are family by virtue of being ninja. Sometimes Naruto wishes he grew up there). He travels to Sand to visit Gaara and have political conferences. And the big thing he does that no other Kage can, is that he manages the relationship between the reformed Biiju and the Elemental Nations. Some of them want Jinchurriki, like Saiken, and they have to negotiate a strange legal status to prevent the system of human weapons from arising again. Some just want to be left alone, like Chomei. But regardless, the new ninja world has to learn to live in balance with the spirits of the land, and Naruto helps newly appointed ambassadors to this spiritual world.

   Naruto will run into Sasuke while he’s travelling sometimes. He’s always tempted to say something, to reach out to him. But he tries to respect the space that Sasuke needs. This has mixed results.

   When Sarada is four, Sasuke returns one summer with a small child- pale, with golden eyes. He refuses to discuss where he got them, but asks Karin (and the rest of Taka) to take care of them while he’s on the road. Everyone wonders, but no one presses the issue. Naruto quietly gathers reports about a fight that had happened in the Land of Grass- locals had described a storm god descending from the heavens to behead a giant snake, that wrathful Susanoo had cast a fire across the plains that had burned for 7 days and nights. Naruto knows Sasuke was just settling old business, and hopes that’s the last of it.

  And life just. Goes on. As the years pass, sometimes Sasuke will stay in the village for longer. He and Naruto still fight (Sakura threatened to break off Sasuke’s other arm after they needed stitches from a heated spar), but they have lots of cute domestic moments. He always leaves before winter truly sets in. He can’t stay in Konoha too long. And someday, when the political world is more settled and the kids are more grown up, Naruto plans to go with him- and who’s to say how long they’ll be gone then? Sasuke won’t feel drawn back to Konoha then, because he’ll already have what draws him there. Even wandering the world with nothing to their name, they’ll both be home.

[hatredcurse]

Verses

Request Only Verses: Haku // Kimimaro // Kazuo

Main Verse (Blank Period)

At age 26, Sasuke takes role of the shadow protector of Konoha following in the footsteps his brother once walked. He wanders between villages assisting with issues they cannot overcome on their own and delivering information to the Hokage regarding underground developments. 

The strong bonds shared between him and his former colleagues are seemingly locked in the past with the version of himself that he no longer associates with. Regardless of that, he continues to engages with them respectfully and appropriately on the occasion. This separation of identity is a consequence of his self-flagellating beliefs that his crimes outweigh his acts of heroism.

Note: Sasuke does retain both of his arms as his atonement is through voluntary isolation.

Part I

Canon-compliant: Falling into his duty and calling to be a ninja, Sasuke pursues his schooling to ready himself on the path of revenge. Main priorities are to hone his skill and subsequently build bonds along the way. 

Part II

Canon-compliant: Sasuke indentures on his quest for revenge under the guidance of Orochimaru, and later Tobi. The trials and tribulations of these alliances shake his resolve from his strict no-kill/respectful policy into an endless spiral of hatred for those deemed lesser than him and the prowess of the Uchiha. This hatred never burning out, only dimming when his friends pull him from the depths of this vicious cycle. 

New Era

Canon-divergent: In recent years, Sasuke found himself comfortable being within the boundaries of Konoha to the point that he reclaimed the Uchiha estate for himself. Living alone in the far edge of the town, he continues to work as an information broker for the Hokage and assists retaining the delicate balance of unseen politics between all adjacent villages. Naruto, himself, was insistent on revoking the “Missing Nin” title from Sasuke and establishing him within a special ops in the Anbu for all the services he has performed within the last 10+ years. To which, Sasuke agreed and is now operating as an official member of Naruto’s cabinet. He is now more involved with inter-village affairs as well as external affairs from all lands across the country.

Note: Sasuke did not marry nor have children in this verse. 

One Must Imagine Him Happy (ANBU)

Canon-divergent: After the events of the war, Sasuke is then instead put on trial for his crimes and claims against the village. Deemed a liability that cannot be reliably placed in jail and cannot be executed per demand of the Hokage, he is instead forced into the ANBU. This is a preventative measure to keep constant surveillance on him and a convivence to utilize his prestigious ability. 

World Inheritance Policy (Akatsuki)

Canon-divergent: En route to the finale with Itachi, he is intercepted by Madara who has other plans for him. Instead of pursuing the revenge that he envisioned, he now works closely with Madara with full clarity of all the events that have transpired from the massacre until now. Joining the ranks of the Akatsuki, his new focus is acquiring all the biiju, especially the Nine-tails, as Kurama is the the right of the Uchiha clan and theirs to reclaim. 

Note: Sasuke is a direct descendant of Madara. Itachi may or may not be alive here (depending on muse).

For Whom the Bell Tolls (Vampire)

Alternate universe: Non-fandom aligned. Sasuke is a vampire of a dying vampiric race that was once thought to be wiped by the Senju clan. The Uchiha family made a deal with the Old Gods for the benefit of their own, which disrupted the balance and claim the Senju had over the world. Years since the extinction event, Sasuke lives with a select few members claiming different guises and personalities to survive. 

[puppy-steve]

gaara would probably have: zigzagoon, groudon(allowing him a legend bc biiju), sandslash, hippowdon, sylveon(gotten from naruto as an eevee), and idk drowzee with insomnia ability. And Sai bc he needs love: smeargle(obviously), absol, scyther, greninja, honchcrow, crobat

thanks!!!

[oh-no-its-bird]

Sat down and was like "What's the dumbest, most out of pocket crossover I can think of with Naruto." Then remembered that one guy who just went "Madoka magica" under my TMA crossover post and started giggling

So yeah, @thr33dogsinatrenchcoat this one goes out to you, I hope ur happy

So my first thought was just Homura in Naruto, but then my brain said no. Kyubey in Naruto. And then I really lost it

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present to you,

✨️ magical girl Kakashi ✨️

Major Spoilers for Madoka Magica below the cut

(Funilly enough, this has been in my drafts for a while now, well before I started getting really into my magical girl izuna AU)

A quick explanation for those of you here for Kakashi content who have no clue what Madoka Magica is;

Kyubey is a pink immortal rat thing from space who offers specifically pre-teen girls contracts to become magical girls. The girl will be granted a wish as their payment for the contract, then have to fight monsters known as Witches.

How big the wish that they can have granted (wishing for a cake vs wishing to revive the dead for example) depends on their potential as a magical girl. The girls magical girl theme and power will revolve around whatever wish they made— ask for someone to be healed and you may be able to heal faster, ask for happiness and maybe you get to be an empath, etc. As long as you can somehow connect the power to their wish, anything is fair game.

It's later revealed that a) the "soul gem" every magical girl is given when they become a magical girl is literally their soul in physical form. Kyubey just straight up removed their soul from their body and put it in a ROCK. Yes this does mean you can torture a magical girl via her soul gem, and yes if the soul gem gets too far from the girl she will collapse like a puppet who's strings were cut.

And b) witches are actually magical girls who fall victim to negative emotions and have their soul gems consumed by darkness either because they were swallowed by grief or from using too much magic without being able to clean their soul gem (which they can only do by killing witches)

Kyubey does all this because magical girls specifically within the age range of a middle schooler, give off a specific kind of energy when they transform into the witches that Kyubey's race farms for reasons I don't really remember anymore but I'm pretty sure has to do with it being mandatory for their race to live? Dunno it's been years since I watched madoka

Ok context over now for the fun part:

Something about the way humans are made in this world means Kyubey is not restricted to prepubescent girls in offering contracts. It's probably related to their chakra coils or something; Which also translates interestingly into how your amount of chakra and your chakra control affects your power as a magical girl.

Both of which Kakashi has in the bag.

I've read a few different takes about how Kakashi's chakra reserves are actually really big, he's just always running dangerously low bc of the constant drain of the sharingan. (I think this was actually confirmed in one of the novels? Which is neat) And since the overall 'potential' of his maximum chakra reserves is what wins out when it comes to the magical girl contract, he's our ideal customer.

Now, for this set up we aren't going to be using the "Kyubey and the magical girl system have just been around for a long while" but instead we're going with the "kyubey is new to this world and, seeing all of this potential energy, is looking to take a few of these bad boys on a test drive to see how well they work."

(Though there's a very interesting fic there with the angle of kyubey as maybe the equivalent of a 10th secret biiju, maybe locked away somewhere, and maybe released by forming a contract with someone— His junchuriki perhaps?)

This brings up an interesting question! A world where theyre havent been any magical girls yet made means that its a world without witches. And in a world without witches, what is Kyubey's explanation for why he needs magical girls when asked?

In the show we are shown that if pressed and asked the right questions, Kyubey will often tell the truth of the matter — that eventually a magical girl will self destruct and Kyubey farms the energy they release when they turn into a witch.

I can't see any shinobi worth their salt just accepting a suspicious contract for even more suspicious power from an impossibly MORE suspicious little magic rat thing. Kakashi especially. Questions WILL be asked and I do think it wouldn't actually be that hard to get Kyubey to give up the truth. Honestly, knowing the things personality and how it likes to take the logical approach, he might see that just telling the truth may actually help convince some people.

Because yeah, horrible fate aside, it's a lot easier to buy into promises of power when you know exactly what the catch will eventually be, and when it'll probably start kicking in.

There's a lot of people in Naruto who would can and have traded a LOT more than just their soul for power and a free wish. I can see people taking Kyubeys deal as is, Kakashi included under the right circumstances.

And besides that, there are plenty of times when the situation is last minute and intense to have the time to ask questions. Kyubey appearing in some life or death battle offering a miracle would probably be able to get a "fuck it what's the worst that can happen" from pretty much anyone

Anyways there are a few different paths we can take with the how's and why's Kakashi becomes a magical girl, and it largley depends on when exactly Kyubey approaches him about it.

1; Minato Route

Wishes for Minato and everyone to please just stay safe during "Madara's" attack, saving them and trading his soul for it in the process. He has no regrets tho, he refuses to.

This path I think would be fun if Kyubey shows up for the first time super last minute and Kakashi is pressed into a rushed contract and rushed wish. But I can also see if maybe he'd been approached by Kyubey beforehand, it's just that he was trying to sort out whether he trusted the rat enough to make a deal and sort out the exact wording of his wish. But oops no more time for that Kyubey please just keep his family safe!

It'd be fun if that was his exact wording actually. "I wish to keep my family safe"

Maybe it'd mean that even in the future, if he finds someone he considers to be his family, the wish will grow and apply to them? And then ""safe"" is such an abstract concept, especially to shinobi. What does it mean to be safe? Maybe it can end up backfiring in some way eventually, idk

2; Obito Route

^ Like he considers obito family, so maybe Obito is out there reaping the benefits of this wish as he tears shit up bc Kakashi never considered his wish could protect someone who might wish him harm.

This'd also mean Minato and Kushina are around!!! That'd impact a fuck ton of stuff for sure. I feel like without them dissapearing as his final push off the edge, Kakashi for sure wouldn't be the same guy we see in canon. He at least has some form of safety net to catch him, even if he's deep in depression and might not realize that net is there.

After either Kanabi bridge or Rin's death, Kakashi is approached by Kyubey, reads the terms and conditions of the contract, and then wishes for Obito and or Rin to come back to life. This, specifically with Obito, I see going one of two ways;

Kyubey, a bastard, who somehow magically knows Obito is alive: "Are you sure this is what you want to use your wish for?"

Kakashi: "fuck you yes I am"

Kyubey: "I mean if you say so lmao" (Less work for me)

Or,

Kyubey, somehow magically knowing Obito is alive and not wanting to have Kakashi waste this wish because say what you will, he's fair about this shit (to a degree anyways): "Unfortunatley I can't revive people who never died!"

Kakashi: "What."

*queue Kakashi going on a mission to find Obito and becoming a sparkly magical girl along the way wooo we love to see it*

3; The great dilemma, aka TIME TRAVEL !!!!!!!!!!!!

He failed Itachi, leading to the deaths of the entire Uchiha clan.

I'm so sorry you guys time travel is like 90% of what I do and I don't think it's gonna change any time soon

So, Kakashi is approached by Kyubey after the Uchiha massacre. At this point he has a whole fucking list of people he might want to try to revive or save, but he can only make a wish so big. He has enough power to wish one or two people back from the dead— an honestly incredibly feat in itself —but not everyone.

He failed his team, leading to their deaths and Naruto's sad orphan life.

He failed countless mission partners over the years, watching shinobi's fall dead left and right because of a wrong call or knife thrown a second too late

Now for his relationship with Kyubey—

He can't wish them all back. But he can wish for a second chance.

And yeah ok as I'm writing this I'm realizing we've turned right back around and started a fr Madoka magica AU I didn't mean to do that actually, oops.

But yeah time travel magical girl Kakashi !!! Given the time to really think about his wish and too many people to save, he wishes for a second chance.

Does he end up in his kid body or does he stay an 18 year old?

Is he alone or does Kyubey (having learned his mistake from Homura and Madoka) make sure to come along with?

Does his sharingan somehow pull Obito back with him or is he really alone?

Fuck ok actually as I write this one I think this might be The One, The AU, so we're gonna shelve this for another post on its own so we can keep just talking ab the set up.

So disclaimer, I haven't actually watched Madoka in forever, but I think it's safe to say that Kyubey is honestly pretty decent when it comes to guiding his magical girls? I mean, up until they fall off a cliff of despair and turn into monsters, but till then he holds up his end of the contract really well? He'll generally come when they call, answer their questions when asked, check in on them to make sure they're adapting to the lifestyle, sometimes even help keep them informed about local magical girls or witches or just give out free advice.

Don't get me wrong, Kyubey is a fucking rat and not to be trusted, he tricks little girls into literally selling their souls, but he has a clear work ethic and method. He's just also incapable of feeling human emotion and seems genuinely confused at why people would be alarmed or upset at, you know, everything.

But I think that's what would make him work so well in a shinobi world! Especially if he looks at the world and it's people and decides that upfront honesty would be the best play in recruiting someone as his magical girl test drive.

I think it could be interesting if Kakashi and Kyubey could have an actually somewhat positive relationship. Well, as positive as it can get for a traumatized ninja boy and a space rat with no real concept of human emotions outside of what it's read in a textbook about manipulating little girls.

They have an alarmingly functional workplace relationship. Kakashi signed a contract knowing what kind of death it'd probably lead him to (and it's not like it's that different from the end he already knows he'll face one day) and Kyubey is contractually bound to stick around and lend a helping hand and a bit of companionship when applicable.

Also, with Kakashi being his first magical girl test run in this world, he's just kind of monitoring the project? He wants to see it to the end before he gets started on widespread magical girl contracts, because again, logical emotionless little rat thing who knows better than to assume that since it's gone well so far it'll end well too. He wants to collect ALL the data before settling in for good.

Kyubey is giving Kakashi weirdly reaffirming (and much needed) positive reinforcement in all of this. He's impressed with how well the project is going! Kakashi is going through so much constant misery that despite somehow not turning into a witch out of despair, he's still giving a near constant output of that same energy Kyubey farms that usually only comes out when a magical girl witches out. Maybe that's also actually something related to the chakra coils— instead of giving one big explosion of energy when they turn into a witch, the people of this world are able to give a continuous stream of it just by existing and being miserable. Which also gives Kyubey even more of a reason to want to see Kakashi keep living! This guy is a one man army when it comes to energy! It's great!

Also it'd be kind of fucked up but in a funny way if Kyubey straight up told Kakashi this (Maybe Kakashi actually asks to be kept up to date on all of Kyubey's little project notes of studying him?) And it being somewhat of a comfort to him. Like. Yeah, he's a failure cursed to always have those he loves die in his arms or at his hands, but at least his suffering is helping the universe in some way! That's something, right? Right???

Anyways, power and appearence time

So like, obviously there's a VERY large chance that Kakashi would end up with some sort of healing power as a magical girl. Because yknow, there is basically no universe where Kakashi doesn't use his wish to either heal someone, protect someone, or bring someone back from the dead— which lines up pretty directly to a healing based power.

But just normal healing is too boring so lets get spicy with it! Let's lay out some power options!

1) Blood healing

So my favorite twist on a normal healing power is a simple one; He regenerates stupid fast, to the point that he can even reattach limbs, but it's all in his blood. As long as his blood is touching a wound, it's healed in seconds to minutes.

This is also means his blood can also be used to heal others! For good or for bad. Fights can get a lot more complicated when your enemy realizes that they can use your own healing methods on them— even if the blood does only work on what it can touch, so they gotta risk shoving that shit in there if the wound is too deep.

If you want an extra bit of spice on top of that also, you can say the blood doesn't just heal people. Maybe it can heal any living thing— plants included

(I'm ngl I typed all this out then kind of squinted at my screen and went wait isn't this what Karin does? I don't actually know the details of her powers no one tell me if I'm right, I don't actually care)

2) Wound substitution

Here's an incredibly in character ability; He can take on the wounds of his comrades. They get hurt but he takes the hit. It'd so fit his self sacrificing ass too.

Maybe he can have advanced healing from the wounds he steals from his companions, maybe he only inherits them by halves, maybe it's the full deal.

Maybe it's involuntary or maybe he can only do it on purpose. Involuntary could be interesting and offer serious consequences down the line.

I'd love to see a dog themed magical girl Kakashi I think it would cure all of my mental illnesses and give me like 30 more.

3) Sheilds but make them zappy

Thunder shields could be interesting. Maybe he can use the shields to encase his limbs to deliver an extra oomf or smthn, just for funzies.

4) Something to do with eyes

You know I gotta at least consider smthn with eyes, like cmon. Whether it's because his wish was phrased in a way that could catch on it, or it's just how the magic interacted with his sharingan, I wanna see some eye stuff!!!

Maybe whatever healing ability he has is all centered in the eye or smthn, or maybe if it's like a self healing ability he regenerates eyes first or smthn idk.

4) Time powers ✨️

You know I had to.

In the route where he wishes for a second chance he so gets time powers. It's very cool. It's also very very fucking OP so it'd be tricky to work around in giving him a fr obstacle. Maybe if Obito comes back with him, the sharingan somehow makes him immune? Like, whenever Kakashi stops time, Obito isn't stopped.

I'm ngl Im running low on power ideas rn so let's move on, but like leave that open ended

Would Kakashi's magical girl outfit be something that adapts to his style and is created by his subconscious desires, as I'm pretty sure is accurate according to Madoka Magica lore? Yes. But do I think it would be funny to put him in a fluffy magical girl skirt? Even bigger yes, put that man in a dress and heels immediatley.

For Kakashi's soul gem, I think it'd be really fun if instead of taking the form of a ring, it was instead either an earring or— hear me out guys, lip ring or tongue piercing

It's perfect! He already hides his face, no one would even know it was there! Also both lip rings and tongue piercings are so cute

His soul gem is red with a silver case and we all know why. When he transforms it doesn't glow red tho, it glows white because something something hatake white chakra or something, idk

Anyways this has been sitting in my drafts for like 2 weeks now, so I'm gonna go ahead and hit post even tho I'm not totally satisfied with what I have here. Better to put it out for the few who'd enjoy it than keep it in the trunk bc I'm unsatisfied, right? Maybe I'll come back to it later, idk.

[puppy-steve]

Naruto anon returns with an AU where the Sages teachings survived a bit more intact and the biiju are revered as fonts of knowledge and guardians against outside threats. Mito introduced the concept of sharing a body with a biiju for a time because it would provide some resistance to external control and allow them to experience Mortal Things. Kurama becomes Narutos grumpy foxdad who shares a body with his mom and is So Proud he was the first biiju whos host had a kid and brags to the rest.

cue everyone who isn’t in the know being very confused when naruto says he has 3 parents bc ??????? minato took a second spouse?????? is the hokage allowed to do that where is this supposed third person???????