#i wish she did
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"Cause I could give you all you want, the stars and the sun, but still, I'm not enough." -Yours, Conan Gray
#jegulus#regulus x james#jegulus fic#everyone is gay#I'm never enough#Nothing I do is ever good enough#Inadequate#Conan gray#Haven't I given enough?#I love her and she doesn't#Does she#this is a cry for help#Pointless post#I wish she did#Not enough never was#I'm so mentally ill#I need help#I'm drowning#regulus being regulus#Why are there regulus tags here?
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She will never love me....
#vent#i wish she did#because i love her so much#i would die for her#i am dying for her#but she just will never accept me#i will always be her daughter#please#please love me#me not the version of me you want#please i love you so much#please please please please please please
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i know it's irrational but sometimes i wish i could see her again. i want to tell her what her "friendship" did to me. that i formed my first and only traumagenic headmate because of her. that she's the reason i started wanting to murder people. i haven't made a single friend since she moved away and now whenever anyone talks to me all i can feel is anger. i hope she lives knowing that she ruined any chances of me ever being able to start conversations with people because she talked to me
#xenon screams#vent#and what's worse is that she probably doesn't even know how much i hate her#she definitely doesn't know how much she's ruined me because she moved away#i wish she did#Lord I hope she one day gets the feeling that she ruined my life#i hope she lives the rest of her days emotionally wrecked because she permanently damaged me#i hope the guilt eats her alive
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Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.
Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).
Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.
Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.
Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).
AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.
But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s
At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.
#mlp#yeah i wrote this last night during insomnia.#yeah i know an embarrassing amount of crap about this kids show#but whatever it's my hyperfixation i'll store as much useless information as i want!!!#i'm gay and neurodivergent i have an excuse#in case you needed more proof that aj's my favorite character#personal#delete later#unless you like this analysis stuff#i get why they didn't reveal aj's parent's death until way later and why they didn't do much with it but i wish they did#cuz narratively there could've been so much material with aj's grief. like. i feel like we gloss over the fact that she lost her#mother and father as a teenager#i tried keeping my personal hcs out of this to keep it unbiased#but i'll put some in the tags#involving rarijack –– i think aj can be (but not always) very self-conscious about her relationship with rarity#anxieties that she's not the right fit or that rarity will move away and leave her some day or that another woman will take her attention#(like in rollercoaster of friendship?? nudge nudge??). basic seperation anxiety stuff#long post#regarding applebloom whenever i think about her and her parents i think about that scene in steven universe where steven looks up at#a portrait of his mother and openly wonders what kind of sack lunches she would've made for him. that episode still fucks me up
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#god i can't wait to see the backstory of how this became her centering technique (wishful thinking)#absolutely love that she did it when 'agnes' was 'woken up' in wv. idk if it was meant to be connected but it works so well#also very interesting that the ep6 flashback to ep2 is just slightly different as well#edit: added last one. thank you kindly @the-ominous-owl for reminding me i missed one#agatha all along#agatha harkness#kathryn hahn
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pin-up
b&w originals
#my art#basslinegrave art#venture bros#dr. girlfriend#dr. mrs. the monarch#the monarch#henchman 21#ok so. pin up and pinned butterflies. tell me thats not the best idea ever#did i manage to pull it off how i wanted? maaybe? i do like these but i wish i had used the same color settings for all#when using the howsitcalled. gradient map things. because they dont look as uniform#but i was lazy to redo dr mrs especially plus i like how she looks i just couldnt get monarch and 21 the same#also somehow these look better and more colorful on my pc?? usually its on my phone i dont know what happened#also i ended up adding one colored thing to each because i first colored in dr. mrs' eyes#then realized the other two dont have colored eyes but 21 has the red lenses. but monarch??#i only went over the logo on his chest a bit with a more reddish color but its not too visible so well#imagine its better and they all match properly...#hope i got the butterfly names right#those were last minute additions after i learned about the viceroy butterfly yesterday#dr mrs is a queen butterfly#ask to tag#suggestive#wanted to put that as one of the top tags but i wrote it with a typo so i hope tumblr picks it up this low#also forgor to say i put my crunch handle on these cause they were meant to go on that blog ignore that#i think i forgot to add one to monarch or i hid it that well lmao#my 2 braincells rubbed the wrong way
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Homer!Odysseus and Epic!Odysseus would try to kill each other if they ever met
#Homer!Odysseus: you sacrificed your men to save yourself? Detestable coward! How I wish I was never born if it would ensure you had not the#Epic!Odysseus: you’d understand if you *loved your wife.* But I guess a guy who stayed with Circe for a year wouldn’t know that!#H!Odysseus: do not speak of things you know nothing about! I long for my return to sweet Penelope but I have a duty to my men#E!Odysseus: A YEAR. A WHOLE YEAR. I WOULD KILL ANYTHING AND ANYONE TO GET A HOME A YEAR FASTER#H!Odysseus: that was clear when you served Scylla six men like they were cattle!#E!Odysseus: it was them or me! And don’t keep talking about my friends like you did any better. you’ll go home alone too#H!Odysseus: they doomed themselves when they ate Hyperion’s golden cattle. I am not responsible for their suffering. But you could have ens#H!Odysseus: Now Eurylochus’s body lies at the bottom of the sea where there can be no burial and no honour#E!Odysseus: AND I’LL GO HOME TO MY WIFE. MY BEAUTIFUL PERFECT LOVELY LOYAL WIFE WHO’S BEEN WAITING FOR ME FOR TWENTY YEARS.#E!Odysseus: and when I go home and she asks if I came back as fast as I could I’ll be able to answer honestly#H!Odysseus: WE HAD BEEN THROUGH MANY TRIALS. THE MEN NEEDED TO REST#E!Odysseus: FOR A YEAR???? DID THEY NEED TO REST FOR A YEAR??? AND DID THEY NEED THAT REST RIGHT AFTER A MONTH’S LONG REST WITH AEOLUS??? S#H!Odysseus: IF YOU WISHED FOR ITHACA SO DESPERATELY WHY DIDN’T YOU OBEY PALLAS ATHENA AND KILL THE CYCLOPS#E!Odysseus: *drawing sword* I WAS HAVING A ROUGH DAY#Epic the musical#Epic odysseus#The odyssey#odysseus#Homer#Greek mythology#Jorge rivera-herrans#nuclear war speaks
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Ghilan'nain
So I read the Horror of Hormak
#i wish i could say i was never drawing halla horns again but that’s a lie#and i did start to enjoy working on them once i got the shapes figured out#but it’s HARD#halla horn pattern on the butterfly btw#da4#dragon age veilguard#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#ghilan'nain#evanuris#idk when this is supposed to be#before what she looks like now but definitely way after her ascension#some like#in between point#da:tv#da:v#WHAT IS THE RIGHT TAG#dragon age the veilguard#my art
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Sublime Equine.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#little apple#Did I *need* to dedicate a whole comic to little apple when I'm trying to economize my scenes?#Well! I did start this whole blog with the dreams of one day being able to draw better equines. So Yes. I did need this.#The true benchmark of my art progress is actually the quality of how I draw Little Apple.#(no seriously go look back at my little apple tag. Then come back here).#Hey welcome back! I know right! What was I even doing at the start? That was *not* a donkey!!!#That aside - I really am thrilled that I can draw her more. Even if she's only *really* in two more comics for season 2.#I wish I had more thoughts here. I'm so distracted by the donkey rotating in my brain. I missed her so monch.#Oh! Yeah I really like the parallels here between WWX and Little apple.#Specifically the sense of how we get a nod to how he's changed.#Little apple and WWX have both grown a little less lean and hungry (one literally the other metaphorically)#This whole episode is basically about WWX's desire for something peaceful and domestic in his life.#and here is little apple - his first companion from the start of his new life - changed to something softer.#Very much a 'look how far we have come moment' that is rather subtle but enjoyable.
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Rellana, Twin Moon Knight & Rennala, Queen of the Full Moon
prints ✦ full process on patreon
#elden ring#rennala#rellana#my art#shadow of the erdtree#ngl i don't share fandom's obsession with Rellana and find her character quite lacking#I wish we knew something more about her other than “hehe messmer simp”#bc yes rennalas marriage is a big part of her story but we also know a lot about her in other contexts and before the liurnian wars#which makes her much more interesting to me#bc idk im just not a fan of when in media the whole plot arch of a woman's story resolves around her relationship with a man#and i feel like with other women characters fromsoft did a better job at showing that they are human beings with different agendas etc#so when it comes to Rellana i love the POTENTIAL of what she could be
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thinking abt this .. the panic :( the way he just holds onto himself :( just tells himself theres work to do : (
also look at the little beetle carapace belle left for him :(((((
#belle : (#kiddo say#it kind of makes sense to me that belle left on her own without cad knowing. i always thought it was a bit mental if he let her#(that was if she didnt leave with colton)#which i thought she did but whatever#i thought it was corrin + constance together (p sure thats still true) . then their dad or calliope next. then colton then belle maybe toge#together. but their dad is still with them.#oh welll#because its me i do wish there was more sad lonely scenes of time passing . but also its only 56 pages so theres not rly room#which is a shame#i want the isolation of it all#cr spoilers#caduceus clay#going to reread later to have clear thoughts bc brain is a bit scrambled
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Sacrifice leads to death, Sagira
#They were three!#SURPRISE!??#I don't know why it wasn't posted#I accept her death peacefully#he can't die like that#she knew what to do and she did it#I wish they had given us at least one cutscene of her exploding#destiny the game#destiny#destiny 2#destiny ghost
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Thinking a bit more about this Steve Has Older Siblings AU I’ve got going on (here, here, and here). Specifically about Richard Harrington’s first wife, and two things:
1. She’s a saint. Theresa Kline (former Harrington) stood by her husband through multiple extramarital affairs but a not-quite-yet nineteen year old mistress with a baby was her breaking point. She bowed out gracefully.
Richard married his mistress and Theresa moved on. She never said a bad word about him to her kids or to anyone. She never spat an insult at the child that ruined her marriage or about her baby boy.
Though, she didn’t have to.
Her kids said enough bad things about Steve and his mom on her behalf to fill a book. They never miss an opportunity to remind Steve that while both their parents were from two of Hawkins’ more influential and wealthy families, his mother was a high school dropout homewrecker and a whore that didn’t love him.
Even after his siblings tried fixing their relationship with him, they all still take shots at his mom. Jason’s favorite analogy seems to be that him and his siblings are ‘purebred’ and Steve is a ‘mutt.’
Or, well. It was until Robin heard it and said, “Pure? Like the Nazi’s ideology?? Yikes.”
2. I realize that this AU does not really contradict anything important in the Officer Noodles (and also here) universe. You’d just have to make Angela Harrington Callahan’s little sister.
#I think there’s another officer noodles post out there but god forbid my blog let me see something I posted#I think Theresa would’ve always been really nice to Steve when there were functions that both families had to attend#but Steve’s parents talked so negatively about her that he was always kinda suspicious#she would send a Christmas gift with the kids for him when they did the holiday with their dad#it was hit or miss if he actually received it#he used to kinda wish she was his mom but then would feel so bad about it that it’s make him feel sick#steve harrington#stranger things#phil callahan#Officer noodles#Steve Has Older Siblings AU
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finale was fun, it made me realize how i havent really drew peri much
#fairly oddparents#fairly oddparents a new wish#fop#fopanw#cosmo cosma#wanda fairywinkle cosma#cosmo and wanda#periwinkle fairywinkle cosma#peri fairywinkle cosma#migors funny doings#also i had to go to the wiki to see wandas anw design and OMG SHES SO CUTE ???#i wasnt able to get a clear img of her new design before and when i did I DIED OUHGHHH I LOVE HER
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I really just wish they would consistently allow Y'shtola to actually be blind. I loved the moment in Shadowbringers where she asked Urianger to describe the night sky to her. I loved her mistaking the Warrior of Light for a Lightwarden because she can't actually see their physical appearance, just the quality of their aether. But by default the writing assumes that her ability to see aether completely cancels out her loss of vision. She goes to the library and she can just... read print books. You could come up with really interesting and creative technological and magical accommodations for her disability, like mammets or familiars that read text to you! but instead she's just written 98% of the time like she isn't disabled and it's frustrating.
#ffxiv critical#anne plays ffxiv#she is fast becoming a fave and i wish they did more with this#shb spoilers#ew spoilers
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Is Chimmy a boy? Is Chimmy a girl? No. Chimmy is tired. (And non-binry.)
Chimmy's Gender is:
Tired.
Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]
#fairly oddparents#fop#fop a new wish#fop timmy turner#fop timmy#timmy turner#chimmy changa#asks#fleecal#ABSDKAHSBDAD#HIS GENDER IS TIRED#i couldnt find the meme iwanted so i did a redraw of ben afleck instead and sorta morphed the two together#god honestly#chimmy could be anything and everything#shes girlypop he's a bi-disaster theyre aroace#but most of all.#chimmy is fuckign exhausted.#itty bitties fop au
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