#i wish i was better at my job but its so hard to focus on the online training and i get nervous doing stuff like changing batteries

[autisticlee]

having some sort of chronic pain and tiredness issue and joint problems and whatnot but not knowing exactly what the problem is is really good at leading you feeling like you're faking it or making a big deal out of nothing or making it up. especially if there's a good day where it's not as bad and you can walk straight without limping for the first time in a year. but then you can wake up the next day and can barely walk and wonder why you can't just walk normal. it's hard to not guilt trip yourself into dealing with pain by trying to ignore it and force yourself to walk "normal" all the time

[shunukitrash]

Well, at least I have Wednesday off.

(*double checks schedule. It's actually Thursday*)

I'm gonna fucking kill mys-

[soaringwide]

PAC: What will be revealed to you this fall? [Ko-fi extended] How to make the most out of it? Advice and guidance

Fall is a heavily introspective season for me, which is why I wanted to do a reading that focuses on self-knowledge. The question is: What will be revealed to you this fall? and I will leave it open for any type of subject, be it something you will learn about yourself, or something outside of you.

I hope this reading is helpful to you and as always, remember that this is a general reading meant for many people and that it might not apply 100%. Take what resonates and leave out the rest.

For those who wish to push this reading further, there is a ko-fi extended reading that will focus on giving you advice and guidance on how to make the most out of it. More info in my pinned post or on my ko-fi page.

book a reading ★ ko-fi membership ★ all free PACs ★ pinned post ★ IG

PILE 1 ★ blue skull

Cards: 6 of Wands, Queen of Wands, 9 of Pentacles, Bottled up, Courage, Judgement, 10 of Pentacles, the Sun, 7 of Cups, Page of Swords, the Chariot, 7 of Swords, 5 of Swords, 9 of Swords, Page of Pentacles, 10 of Wands, Hope

Hello Pile 1, This reading doesn't has a set and definite area of life, but given your cards, I think it has to do with practical matters such as job or life situations and how you are interacting with it and perceiving it.

So for your current situation, I can definitely see that there's something lying underneath that has quite a negative note, but that you are trying your best to keep your heads up, being brave and look at things with positivity. You're trying to take care of yourself, look at the future, think of the success you could achieve, and as a result, you might be bottling up a lot of darker feelings that are getting the way and that could put your progression to a stop, or at least that's how you feel. You really are in a fighting mode at the moment. You don't want anything or anyone to get in the way. You have a goal, a wish, a dream to bring things to a better state.

The good thing about the situation is that you are done with the bullshit, you are done with the lies and the illusions, and you're ready to take the matter into your own hands. You understand that this situation brought you a lot and helped you grow, but that you are nearing the end of a chapter and that there is so much more to gain if you dare to go and do something else. Despite being a difficult situation, you're definitely coming out of it in a better place than when you entered it, so it's not a loss but rather something that brought you a lot and has run its course.

For what's your struggling with, you have a hard time trusting and being carefree, because I can sense the tension and worry over it. You want to be more at ease, more playful, but you don't feel like you can do that. There is also a part of you that is still wondering if you can actually move on from this situation, and if you re not going to lose something in the process, even though you know that what you're leaving behind cannot kept because it's dead weight. You don't know where this journey is leading you, and it's creating worries and doubts.

What will be revealed to you this Fall is about finding back this sense of hope despite the heavy situation. There are three things here.

First, you may feel like a lone soldier, lost and isolated in the face of this struggle, having to face heads on what's threatening you and hide your fears not let them consume you or appear weak. Yet it's also the realization that you're moving to the sound of your own drum, that you are free to go towards a different path, one that you chose for yourself and that could bring you much success down the line.

Secondly, you might be pushed to use what you think are dishonest tactics in order to get the most out of this situation. This is definitely a messy battle but one that you can come out of it like a winner, a bitter one but a winner nonetheless, if you play your cards correctly.

Thirdly, the realization, that all that you've been bottling up, all these heavy thoughts, these sleepless nights of anxiety, they can't continue and that yeah you might get hit in the face with them a bit, but realizing them also help you seek a solution. It's just that you've been ignoring them for too long and it reached an explosive point, which is not a bad thing but just a sign that things cannot continue the way they are. A new seed will be planted, a new journey to take on.

Link to the extended reading for ko-fi members, "How to make the most out of it".

PILE 2 ★ yellow skull

Cards: 4 of Pentacles, the Chariot, 7 of Pentacles, Optimism, 6 of Cups, 2 of Wands, Worn Out, Worry, Queen of Wands, Knight of Cups, The Magician, Ambition, 6 of Wands, the World rx, Queen of Cups, 3 of Swords, Valiant a Courage

For your current situation, you want to make big changes and big moves in your life, but you're currently feeling quite restricted, stuck in the same old routine, the same old places, hesitant to let go and perhaps a bit aimless as well. There is an intense feeling that you've outgrown your current situation or environment, but a hesitation to make that move, due to fearing that you're going to lose what you have.

At the same time, there is a strong faith that things will change eventually, and that it's all about being patient and working step by step towards your goal. It's like you can see the night sky above you, you know that so much more is possible and that you can transform your life, you feel this vibrant hope that transcends your current reality, yet it's hard to know where you should go.

What is going well here is that I think you're getting over some type of exhaustion you've felt in the past, perhaps weeks, months or even years. You're finally getting out of it and finding enough resources within you to look forward. I think this is making you look back on who you were, what you valued and loved, as a way to better align with who you want to become. It seems to be a great thing for you as a way to consider your options and see what suits your own unique perspective on life, and an important step to take at the moment.

What is not going so well though, is that I see you struggling to get past the fears that are paralyzing you, to some extent. I think you struggle with seeing your own strength of character, but also your skills. You have a lot to offer to the world, from a personal point of view but also what you can do, but you fail to fully embrace it. You fear that you wont be able to take out the gift you hold within you for all to see, perhaps because you don't know how to communicate it or to make something out of it, or perhaps because you worry its not going to be received well, that it doesn't fit anywhere in this world.

What will be unveiled for you this Fall is a renewed ambition and a desire to overcome the obstacles in your way. You will see more clearly what's holding you back, the hurt and the pain you've carried and you will stare right at it in order to untangle it, because you know it is the first step toward future success. Here it is all about solving these blockages by taking actions that feel different and revolutionary for yourself. You will be aware that in order to step into your new chapter, it is necessary to sooth these sore points and to show yourself that you can overcome them. You won't be holding back anymore and you will realize that you've done the hardest part already, and that these obstacles will seem like they are melting in the sun as your resolution to move forward grows. I think an important point for some of you will be to speak your own truth with authenticity, which will heal you because I think that's something you've always wanted to do yet never totally did and it caused these blockages.

Link to the extended reading for ko-fi members, "How to make the most out of it".

PILE 3 ★ pink skull

Cards: 9 of Cups, 3 of Wands, the Emperor, Relieved, Justice, 4 of Pentacles, 10 of Pentacles, Anxiety, Queen of Pentacles, 3 of Swords, King of Pentacles, 5 of Wands, 4 of Wands, Renewal, Healing, Overwhelmed, Unknown Territory, Traveling Lightly

From the outside, it seems you currently have everything you need and seem quite stable and successful. However, I do sense some type of restlessness. Something is missing, and you don't really know what. It is possible that you fought hard to get where you are at the moment, and now that you've achieved it, you don't know where to go next. It's like you expected to be at peace by now, but the reality is that you don't feel that way.

For what is going well, I definitely think that financially, things are quite stable, you've been careful about your spendings and are in a comfortable and balanced situation. There's definitely something big, like some type of achievement or something you acquired that feels like a milestone you've worked patiently towards. Perhaps you used to have debts or fines that you've finally put behind you after carefully paying them back. In all cases, this used to cause a lot of anxiety, and while the reason for it is gone, it's still lingering.

So it makes sense that for you struggles, you are still dealing with these pains that getting out of this situation caused you. I see you struggling to find hope for the future and also struggling to take care of yourself properly. I think you put your own needs and desire at the back, that you probably didn't really take care of this anxiety of yours because it was more important in the moment to take care of this heavy situation.

What will be revealed to you this Fall is the importance of releasing steam, and by that I mean all these emotions you've bottled up previously. It will be a time of renewal and healing for you if you decide to choose yourself and an opportunity to dedicate some time for the aspects of your life you've neglected. It might feel uncomfortable at times. You may feel lost in this new era, but it will help you unburden yourself emotionally and allow you to recharge your batteries. I see a time for socializing, reconnecting with friends and family, and even meeting new people. Also a time to enjoy the fruits of your labor and splurge on yourself a little, which in your case is not a bad thing at all.

Link to the extended reading for ko-fi members, "How to make the most out of it

[gladiatorcunt]

summary: rafe cameron x afab maid!reader

cw: titfucking, rimming/ass eating, collaring, power imbalance/dubcon, no real face slapping but reader gets rafe’s rings pressed into their face, gun mentions, rafe talks about wanting to do a line off reader’s tits, throwaway implication that his dad saw you, general rafe-esque warnings 💀, very plotless & possibly ooc (i’m new to the show but i’ve been lurking for a bit), rafe spits on reader, slight dumbification/objectification, hate sex coded but that's more bc i have a love/hate relationship with rafe, he calls reader a bitch once and a also a slut once, use of good girl

block & move on if uncomfortable !!

do not translate, repost, or give ai my work

kinktober masterlist

This stupid carpet is hell on your knees. Not that there was any time to pull a pillow down under them, you were pulled into the room and shoved down so fast you got dizzy. You’re brought out of your ruminations by a rough palm seizing your face in its grasp and squeezing. 

Rafe huffs, leaning forward to make sure he didn’t miss the way your eyes widened as his fingers tightened. His gaudy rings are going to leave impressions on your cheeks but it’s hard to care about that right now. One second, you’re dusting off the son of your employer’s bedroom, and the next you’re getting a wad of split slung on your face. 

Your pussy decides to be a traitor and clench in response. 

“Sorry ‘bout that………” Rafe trails off, flicking the spit off your cheek like he was picking at a persistent hangnail. 

The apology is as insincere as it could be but something about the bored inflection in his tone gets you wet. 

“It’s fine.” Your “ice princess facade” as he’s called it  falls apart a tad, an embarrassing heat blooming throughout your face. 

He seems satisfied with his attempt at amateur art and scoops the rest up with two of his fingers. He doesn’t ask you to clean them off, just shoves them in between your plump lips without a word. 

“You’re so fuckin’ messy, being such a shitty maid right now, you know that, babe?” He hums, giving your face one final squeeze. 

You’re not even sure he knows your name, he sure doesn’t act like it. All he does is coo at you condescendingly as you suckle on his fingers, telling you how much better you are at this. Once you’ve done an adequate job of polishing them off, he pulls the digits away and gives you a weak love tap. Rafe’s obviously wanting to wring something else out of you. 

You hate that your first instinct is to say “Yes, sir?” 

You also hate that it’s what actually fucking comes out of your mouth. 

The grin that splits his mouth reminds you of the only time you’ve ever successfully caught a mouse in an old fashioned trap. A vermin that used to disgust you until it stayed and you gave it a name. And then your mom has to turn you away from the sight of Jacque’s tiny body cleaved in two. 

“Get those fucking clothes off, now.” He orders you, palming himself through his khakis. "And toys don't talk back."

You roll your eyes and comply. You ignore Rafe's ramblings about how he wished his dad made you wear one of those skimpy made costumes without underwear, that he way he could stare at your pussy whenever you bent over. The door is wide open, you know you could just make a break for it if you wanted. But you kind of like how the humiliation twists your stomach in a knot. The air in the room gets so much hotter when you focus on the large bulge in front of your face.

As soon as your uniform is lying on the hardwood floor in a rumpled heap, your tits are being squished together. Rafe takes several moments to weigh each globe of flesh in his hands.

"Pretty tits, always wondered what they looked like under that stupid uniform. Wanted to make a mess of you so bad but you had to be all fuckin' stuck up and prissy." He hisses, digging his nails into your breasts.

He massages them in circular motions, forcing them to press together like he could cum untouched to the sight of it alone.

You obediently stay silent as you watch Rafe stagger to his feet and wrestle his leather belt out of his pants. His bottom lip is being toyed with to the point that tiny drops of blood are peeking out of the skin. The leather makes a thwack! sound as it passes through the final belt loop and flops around. Rafe continues to eye your tits like a hawk as he wraps the belt around his hand and kneels down to your level.

He tilts your head up with one finger under your chin, "This is going around your neck, okay? I don't have a leash to go with it, but I'll get one for next time."

You open your mouth to speak or maybe to moan at the vision of the expensive leather tensely coiled around your vulnerable neck like a snake about to strike. The warning look he gives you shut you up, but your damp panties made you want to push him further.

"Don't move a muscle."

The belt was warm to the touch, probably because of all the hours Rafe had spent on the golf course or wherever his "business" takes him. You stay perfectly still as he curled it around your neck, having to wrap it around you again due to the length. The metal belt buckle clicked as he fastens it, tugging it firmly to test how tight it was. It definitely feels like a weight baring down on you, but you seem to be able to breathe so he steps back again.

"There we go, pretty bitch just for me."

His pants fall to the ground unceremoniously, revealing the cock you may have had a stray wet dream or two about. Crowned by neatly and clearly obsessively trimmed hair, it looks about 7 inches and thicker than your forearm. His cock has a slight left curve, with a couple prominent veins and an almost reddish-pink colored tip that puffs out at the sides a bit.

Rafe's cockhead catches the drool that embarrassingly leaks out of your mouth, and you kitten lick the slit as you stare up at him through your lashes. You want to smile at the punched-out groan emanating from above you, but he might slap you for getting cocky, it wouldn't be unwelcome.

"You like it, babe? Yeah, I bet you do."

He brings your hands up to your tits and you pick up on what he wants you to do. Anticipating Rafe Cameron's needs is part of your job after all. You scrape the sides of your chipped painted nails against them as you softly cup and squish the globes together, creating a perfect pocket for him.

"Good girl." He chuckles, ruffling your hair like you were his pet.

He savors the wet slide of his cock through the valley of your breasts. You hold them impossibly closer together, ignoring the discomfort by getting lost in the game of peek a boo his tip is playing with you during every thrust. A near constant stream of precum is flowing from the silt and ending up all over the tops of your tits.

Rafe pants as he speeds up his thrusts, his pupils expanding as he takes in the spectacle of you hot dogging him with your tits. For how preppy he likes to act sometimes, he sure does seem to enjoy painting you with his bodily fluids. He weaves his hands down from their deadly hold on your hair to pinch and flick your nipples.

" 'G-gonna cream all over these gorgeous tits, get them messy, then snort some coke off your nipples after.”

It doesn't take as long as a man like him would prefer before he's spilling all over your heaving chest with a sound so inhuman you'd think he was possessed.

You're past caring if he sees you hungrily open your mouth as wide as possible in the hopes of catching some of his cum in your mouth. You grind your sopping wet cunt against the floor when you do, and fuck it tastes better than it has any right to.

A quiet 'shit' rings out and the room spins as you're swiftly flipped on your stomach. Rafe crowds behind you and yanks your hips up. You don't think much of it until you feel warm breath on your ass. You jolt in surprise, and he gives you a light smack on both cheeks before spreading them with his thumb.

"Bet you thought I wanted your pussy, huh? Well, this tiny hole right here looks much cuter, you can't blame me. We'll get you some cute plugs." Followed by a flat tongue licking a stripe over your rim. He gives your hole a strangely soft peck and then teases the tip of his tongue past the entrance.

You squeal, which you'd be mortified by if the sensation of Rafe's tongue filling up your ass didn't feel so good. The way he curls it and jabs it deeper between your cheeks in short busts is running a huge risk of causing you to go insane. It's like he's exploring every nook and cranny, you should be laughing because the man that treats you like a back-alley whore is up to his ears in your ass. His groans and grunts are muffled but they give you the confidence to be louder.

He drags his face away and hangs his tongue over you until a load of saliva drips down onto you. You shiver when it meets your hole. A high-pitched moan comes out when he massages it into the puckered skin with his thumb.

He dots sloppy open-mouthed kisses up and down your rim, nipping the flesh as he goes.

"I would say it's gonna be too tight, but sluts like you can take anything, right?"

You're too busy nodding to notice the sound of shoes hitting the floor in their rush to get away, or that the person wearing them softly closes the door behind them.

[theladybrownstarot]

MONTHLY-READING

2024 MAY 2024

Pick a card reading ~

❀ Here's my masterlist for more !

❀ Make sure you like/follow/reblogg for more pacs like these!

Pile 1. Pile 2. Pile 3.

𐙚 Pile 1 .

Namaste pile 1 ! Let's get with your reading :-

☪︎ The first half of your pile no.1 is all about connecting with your intuition or the very deeper side yourself . Now , from what I sense , a secret is being revealed which could be of any kind also this month your intuition will be the protector and solution to all your queries and problems so stop taking tension and control your emotions because most of you will have mood swings .

☪︎ The second phase of your will be about collaboration , adjustments and being introduced to things or people in general , You are making better decisions and choices for yourself which will make your work easy . If you had financial trouble or issues/any important talk with second or third party can be seen here taking a good turn .

☪︎ The last phase of your month is about releasing of any strong patterns in your life or anything in general which is getting released slowly slowly , you are seem to be patient this month regrading things as it feels like you are shifting your energies or anything in general with patience for long term . Its more like preparing yourself for something . Be cautious of your money usage and job.

𐙚❀˖° Monthly Advice : 333/444 can be a number you may see quite often and date 18th is quite important for you .

A wish you made is coming true but work hard to keep events cool as things may unfold more .

Take some break or take action for same and adjust .

Connect with your emotions more otherwise emotional explosion may happen .

Surrender your things to divine whole heartedly .

❀ Prominent zodicas and houses : Pisces, Capricorn , taurus , Virgo , 4th house , 1st house, 6th house , 5th house , Jupiter and Neptune .

𐙚 Pile 2 .

Namaste pile 2 ! Let's get with your reading :-

☪︎ The first half of the month will be about completion of a cycle happily at last , good moments with family and people . You may get some sort of achievements that you always wanted . It will be calm ,joyful and happy. Some sort pregnancy possible.

☪︎ The second phase about your month is all about taking charge and going ahead with the things fastly but in an aggressive manner which is not good because it is possible that a conflict may emerge out of this or in general so calm your horses .

☪︎ The third phase of the month is all about disbalancing the balanced and then balancing the disbalanced . A lot of fastness in nature will lead to disbalance and instability of things you created all again so be cautious. You need to prioritise things because handing a lot or more than your plate could result in failure .

☪︎ There could be a feminine figure you may be dealing with who has a negative influence on you . You need to focus on your things not people whom you have conflicts with otherwise you will end up regretting .

𐙚❀˖° Monthly Advice : You need to make adjustments and compromises with the things .

please be patient and do not hurry for more till your sown seeds grow.

A balanced communication is required for something important or balance your self talk .

win is coming .

release any negativity if you are holding onto no grudges please .

❀ Prominent zodiacs and houses: libra , aquarius , gemini , cancer , scorpio , pisces , libra , taurus , capricorn , eight house , 7th house , mercury and moon .

𐙚 Pile 3.

Namaste pile 3 ! Let's get with your reading :-

☪︎ Okay , In the first phase of may i see you people chasing after something or running for something that you want more than anything else , you are constant and high with speed for anything you are working for also this may lead you behind some things which may needs your focus . Be focused but be alert too .

☪︎ In the second phase of your month you are letting the guard down , moving in a flow like a river calm and giving attention to all that requires but there's warning do not use any unethical way to get things done , also be cautious as someone may deceive you ; the person appears to be sweet but isn't. Don't self sabotage your feelings too .

☪︎ The last phase will be quite tough as struggles will be their in any form you can expect accordingly to your context . You need to put this thing in your head that don't give up.

𐙚❀˖° Monthly Advice : success is close , just try as you are being tested.

deal with your emotions now and take actions.

make sure you don't blow events out of proportion.

Shift your perception .

shed your old skin

❀ Prominent zodiacs and houses : gemini , libra , aquarius , capricorn , taurus , virgo, scorpio , cancer , leo and aries , 10th house , 11th house , 2nd house and 3rd house .

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

©️ @theladybrownstarot 2023 all rights reserved. Any stealing Or copying of work will be a punishable offence.

[yanderes-galore]

hello panther, hope your doing well! can i request a romantic black noir (the boys) scenario w/ a reader who works in crisis management at vought? after having to oversee the cover ups of vought’s heroes they’ve become bitter to all heroes, they only continue working at vought out of necessity.

maybe with the prompts “I don’t scare you, do I…?” and “Is it so hard to love me?”

thank you for considering my request! no pressure to fulfill it, hope the rest of your day is great!

prompt links:

https://www.tumblr.com/ddarker-dreams/188458087108/yandere-sentence-starters-theres

https://www.tumblr.com/starbabytae/612088733784752128/yandere-prompts-1-i-saw-you-last-night-you

I can try! I've been getting into The Boys again and I'm halfway through Season 2. I know Noir has a bigger role in Season 3 but I got so impatient with my ideas so I just had to do it now. I did my research though!

Prompt 22 Here

Prompt 26 Here

Yandere! Black Noir Prompts 22 + 26

“I don’t scare you, do I…?”

“Is it so hard to love me?”

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Stalking mentioned/Implied, Delusional behavior, Subtle threats, Manipulation, Forced relationship.

You remember when you used to like Supes when you were younger. It was your dream to help Superheroes be super. Then, in your adult years, you l got a job at Vought's Crisis Management.

That's when you began to know better.

No, Supes weren't heroes in your eyes. They're people with way too much power. The only reason they look good is because people like you hide their flaws.

As Vought crumbles you're left bitter. How could you not when your job has only gotten more hectic as Vought's "heroes" mess up. But you try not to complain...

You really just need the money.

You've tried your hardest to not to associate with The Seven often. You've always been on to just keep your head down. Unfortunately... you still managed to attract attention.

From one of the most feared "heroes" in Vought, too.

Black Noir... even you didn't know much about him. He wears a mask all the time, he rarely speaks, and he always seems attached to you. You know what he's capable of... which is why it scares you to know he seems interested.

It becomes increasingly hard to do your job once Black Noir grows an attachment towards you. You've been constantly raising your head to see Black Noir standing there to visit you. He never says anything... he just seems like he wants to watch you.

You try so hard to ignore him... but you will admit... the hero scares you a bit.

Despite the violence he's capable of, he seems so gentle with you. You've even caught him reaching out to touch your cheek. You don't bother complaining... Vought would ignore the issue.

While you yourself are bitter towards Vought and its "heroes", Black Noir is infatuated. The Supe can't stop looking at you. He sees you as something close to comfort... perfection.

The Supe feels he's hopelessly in love with you yet make no real indication of showing it. He wants to hold you and feel your warmth. He could stare at your face forever.

... he wishes you'd look at him the same way.

Instead he notices the glint of fear you have towards him. You try so hard to focus on work... all while Noir tries to pull you closer. He wants that fear to be gone...

He wants you to adore him...

But your adoration towards heroes is long dead by now.

Tension between you and the Supe continues to rise as you try to ignore him. You hope the loses interest. You have no idea what he wants... but his gaze is suffocating.

It isn't until the Supe pulls you away during your break that you get some sort of idea.

You feel your heart rate increase drastically as Black Noir confronts you on your lunch break. You try to communicate with him and ask him what he wants. You're alone... just how you prefer it... but it leaves you vulnerable.

Noir merely passes you a paper, encouraging you to open it. So, you do open it...

Your heart drops.

In big bold letters on the paper... there's the words 'I LOVE YOU.' You pause, looking over the paper as you feel yourself shake. You barely even notice Noir sit beside you.

Not until he wraps an arm around your waist... he's actually oddly hesitant about it.

You slowly turn to look at the black mask staring at you again. Your hands are shaking as you lightly put down the paper. Oh... this really isn't what you needed.

"Y-You... You-" You're trying so hard to say something. However, Black Noir merely cups your cheek. Why is he so gentle?

He's a murderer.

"You... can't mean... me...." You whisper, but Noir merely nods while pointing to you. Black Noir has been following you... because he loves you.

Your worst fear has come true.

"I see..." You whisper, trying to stand up. Black Noir stops you from getting up, his grip pulling you back into his side. You're stuck... unable to leave his gaze staring into your eyes.

Fear shows in them... causing Black Noir to hold you in a tight embrace.

You feel your breathing pick up... then he spoke.

“I don’t scare you, do I…?”

His tone is a whisper in your ear, a soft yet unexpected question. You're shaking against him as you stare in his eyes. He seems to be trying to comfort you... ignoring the twisted confession he had shoved upon you.

The Supe's grip tightens.

“Is it so hard to love me?” Black Noir whispers again, sounding desperate as he holds you against him. You merely shake in his arms as he strokes your head like you're a frightened animal. Yes... yes it is... you want nothing to do with him.

You wish you could find another job other than Vought... you wish other jobs paid well. But no, instead you manage to catch the eye of Vought's best assassin. The same arms holding you... could easily tear you in half.

Black Noir then picks up the paper and passes it to you again. He taps the bold letter then points to you and him. He wants you to say it.

He wants you to love him too.

You take a deep breath, wanting to appease the Supe so you could leave. Black Noir looks at you expectantly. You're forced to play such a dangerous game....

"I love you, too." You say softly, hoping to appease the Supe.

Black Noir seems to take this as a positive, holding you closer. It was as though you said some sort of vow. One that would lock you to him indefinitely...

With how things work around here...

There's probably some truth to that... perhaps you really did just sign yourself away to a psychopath... all for the money.

[hell-is-not-an-excuse]

Not so sorted Ghostfuckers thoughts

Firstly, this episode was an improvement over the last few, at least in my opinion - That isn't to say that it's great, or even particularly good, but I can say that I was more invested in this episode, even if only a little. It had more focus on the original concept of the show with an I.M.P mission finally not just being reduced to a short... Though the mission still doesn't take full priority, something I will expand on momentarily.

Before that though, I'll start off with the things I did actually like.

The bankruptcy joke got a quick giggle out of me. It may be that I'm still an immature little homonculus, but the jokes that don't fall into the unnecessarily crude/sexual category still elicit a reaction from me.

This joke got me too - I know that this was almost definitely intended as a jab towards critics, however it loops back around to being funny to me, as I joke a lot about being "objectively correct".

These frames of Moxxie specifically - I love him a lot and wish he was in a show that took better care with its character writing

I enjoyed seeing the flashback designs for the I.M.P crew - Moxxie isn't too different, but I actually sort of prefer the others past looks here.

Lastly, this specific moment/line! This is a massive improvement over what was given to us in those leaked boards - In the original boards, I had a hard time believing that Millie would have this suicidal fit out of seemingly nowhere because... Some other demon told her she was a bad wife? This is a much more "in character" line for Millie, given what we already knew about her as an audience (which admittedly, wasn't a lot, but she never gave off the sort of insecurity/suicidal ideation that the original boards appeared to have been pushing for).

I think I've gotten all the praise I can wring out of my system - Now comes all the issues I take with this newest episode. These criticisms come in no particular order.

There's the usual thought that comes whenever a new episode drops - The swearing and sexual humour is too frequent and over the top. I'm an enjoyer of well placed crude and sexual humour, but this isn't well placed. With every second line containing profanity, innuendo, or explicit sexual content, they become less and less special and interesting to hear, to the point that watching characters interact becomes a slog.

Blitz is supposedly having this month long breakdown because... He had a breakup that wasn't really a breakup? He himself admits they were never in a relationship, and gets upset at the concept that him and Stolas will never be together. Obvious criticism of Stolitz notwithstanding, until Apology Tour, there have been no genuine moments of "love" between the two - This all comes off more as Blitz mourning this potential (now dead) relationship because the writers feel it's time for him to do so, without selling to the audience why he would give a damn about Stolas in the first place. I hardly believe Stolas and his pining back in Ozzie's, let alone the shameless display that we're getting now.

Speaking of Stolas, this is a perfect segue into what I said I was going to expand upon further down in this post; despite this episode having an I.M.P mission be a main setting, that's all it is - A setting. I wouldn't mind so much if this was purely for character building, but it's yet another instance of things happening because of Stolas. This feathered fuck haunts the narrative even when he's not present! The mission is presented more as an avenue of helping Blitz "get over" Stolas as opposed to just being a job that the members of I.M.P need to, you know, live.

Speaking of, how financially stable are I.M.P and its employees? Despite having nearly two seasons to expand on the concept of a business owned by the lowest caste of Hell's systems, nothing is done with it. With a setup like that, there should at least be some narrative drama involving the company facing challenges and instances of being in financial dire straights. Instead of this however, Blitz is able to blow a months worth of money on useless knick-knacks and owls to burn? With no real show of consequence as a result of this?

While I enjoyed seeing a bit of Millie backstory and her relationship to Blitz, Helluva still suffers from its "tell don't show" rule. Millie mentions she loves to have fun with Blitz, but we have never seen an instance of these two having fun together in show.

Honestly, the backstory of Blitz/Millie's meet and subsequent partnership should have been its own episode; we could have actually seen her steal the target from I.M.P as a solo assassin, we could have seen the state of I.M.P before her addition - If you wanted a bit of shipping fuel, you could also have an instance of Moxxie being too starstruck by this mysterious, wrathful rival to take a shot on her. So many possibilities! All wasted.

Millie's development episode shouldn't have come at the tail end of season two - She's been in the show since episode ONE, she deserved something in the first season to flesh her out.

I do not buy her reasoning for looking up to Blitz; if she thinks of herself as only a simple country girl or a brute, this would have been nice to actually see hinted to us throughout the show.

The casual ableism in the joke about the Hotel Owner's new cleaner - Not only is the way he is depicted simply dehumanising, framing him as this object of disgust rather than a person, this is driven further by being called a "poor thing" and only being reacted to with vague disgust by Blitz and Millie. And of course he's barely verbal, with the exception of a funny swear word (/sarc).

The whole sequence where Blitz is alone and being tormented by visions of Millie and Tilla is... It sure exists. Subtlety is lost in most of this dialogue here as once again, we are bluntly told what the problem with Blitz is - We know he makes decisions that fuck over others for his own benefit, we know he's selfish. We've seen this time and again!! This is not something that needed to be explicitly spoken for what feels like the millionth time in this (so far) two-season run.

Speaking of mothers! Millie and Loona get shafted into a role of taking care of their respective man for the episode - As a matter of fact, both their conversations involve Blitz or Moxxie. After nearly two seasons, I don't think they've had a conversation that wasn't about their male coworkers/relationships.

What is an infestor demon? Have they shown up before? What in God's name am I supposed to know about them? Somehow when it comes to worldbuilding, the need to explain everything explicitly is gone.

Why is Blitz being emotionally tortured again while Stolas sees no real consequence? This is getting to be a really tired pattern.

The whole ghostfucking bit was already testing my patience within the first couple of minutes.

Anyway, that's all I have of like... More surface level critiques of this episode. I'll probably make a few more minor posts about this episode later and elaborate on some new thing my brain is sticking to.

[comicwritesstuff]

Vanessa Shelly/Afton x Fem!Reader

This is an angsty make you feel like shit story, like I was physically and mentally in pain writing this. I'll make a fluff and cute one after this SORRY NOT SORRY 😭

Working nights at Freddy Fazbear's pizzeria isn't really anyone's dream job. I have been working here for a week or two, it could be worse just staring at a screen until 6am then leaving the creepy atmosphere. I look at the monitors, zoning off. I just got here so my shift just started, Yay, so exciting…Luckily the sheriff makes it better. Vanessa Shelly is probably the most gorgeous woman I've ever laid my eyes on, ever since she showed up at night, with her raincoat on I couldn't help getting a tiny crush on her...and that's all it was. Tiny.

Well, at least I had thought that was what it would be…I can’t help it, I didn’t mean to fall for her she just tripped me. Her doe eyes, her smile, her stern voice when I try and do something stupid or dangerous, her laugh and her voice…fuck. I need to focus… I'm working. I stop dozing off, finally paying attention to the monitors in front of me, mostly just staring at the outside camera, wondering if Vanessa would come in today. And look at that. Her cop car pulls up, my heart flutters as I see her walk up and buzz the buzzer, it's raining. Hard. So I speed walk and open the door, grinning. “Hey Nessie!” She smiles even wider at me, my heart flutters again. “Hey y/n, can you let me in now, it's a little rainy.” I laugh and step to the side, letting her in as I close the door, locking it again I can feel her staring at me. Turning around we walk to the showtime area. (forgot what its called don’t come at me, but y'know what i mean)

“We should let the animatronics play some music” She suggests as I nod as I stand up quickly and press the showtime button, they all start singing and playing songs. I sit back down where Vanessa is, making conversation. “So how's your shift been today?” She looks over at me making my stomach twist into knots, I try not to blush but it just makes it worse…thinking about not blushing with her staring at me. “Oh just the normal stuff, beating up bad guys, solving crime and saving a bunch of people. All in a day's work.” She jokes, shrugging and smiling. I laugh at her sarcasm, looking back over at the animatronics, who (perfect timing) just started playing “Just the Two of Us: By Grover Washington, Jr.” I feel Vanessa’s eyes on me, I look down, my heart racing. Fuck I should ask her to dance. “Wanna dance?” She said it first, to be honest I probably turned bright red, but that didn’t matter, I got to dance with my crush, I'm obviously gonna blush. I nod eagerly and stand up with her, she grabs ahold of my hand, her simple touch sending chills down my spine, she glides her hand across my back resting it there as we dance together, smiling and laughing.

The perfect moment, that I never want to end. God looking at her, being so close to her, I have to tell her…I have to shoot my shot but I just can’t bring myself to do it. We dance for a while, for at least a few songs, before something changes. A look in her eye that I ever slightly noticed but I still saw it with how intently I was looking into them. Her once happy and joyful eyes changed, to a melancholic, sad and maybe even confused look. I was just about to ask her if everything was alright until she stopped, the music kept playing but she just stopped, staring at me, not moving. “Ness, is everything okay?” I say worried, did I fuck something up? Did I do something wrong? “Just…stop y/n we can’t.” She says and pulls her hands away, turning her head not looking at me any longer.  My heart tugs at me, it feels like my body is shutting down. “What, what do you mean?” I reach out, grabbing her wrist. “Nessie..?” She whips around, shoving my hand away she seems angry but she's crying, and so that makes me start to cry.

“I wish you were a boy.” No. No. No. No please no, this has to be fake, please let what she just said, not be true… please. I stare at her in disbelief, tears falling down my cheeks faster than ever. It feels like time is paused, it feels like everything is broken inside me, like all my organs, my bones my heart specifically turned to glass, and she just fucking broke it all with a hammer. I want nothing more than to curl up into a ball, to just stop, to just be done, but I love her…I have to try. “Why..? Why does that matter I- I can be just as good as a guy.” She looks at me, her eyes searching my heartbroken face, I can’t even hear the music anymore, I’ve drowned it out with her. “No, I can't…my father wouldn’t accept it and I just…I just can't. Why are you making this so difficult?” “So it's my fault? It's my fault you can’t just accept the fact that you like women?! Who cares if your father doesn’t like it, aren’t I worth it?” I say, loud enough that the animatronics have now noticed, the music stopped, they are watching. “I-...I don't know.” “You don't?! You don't know? That…fuck Vanessa… please… just..give me a chance?” She steps closer to me, cupping my cheek with her hand. I try not to accept the comfort but it's all I need right now, so I unwillingly do. “Y/N, I love you…but I don’t think…that I can, you just…I can't”

“I’m sorry I really am-” “No. Don’t do that, I don’t want your apologies, I don’t want this job anymore either, tell whoever owns this shit that I quit…I can’t see you anymore Ness, it’ll hurt me more.” I look at her once more, before turning my back and walking to the exit. Vanessa stares at me, tears still running down her cheek. “Y/N, can’t we be friends, please I can’t lose you.” I turn around, shaking my head. “No, no don’t try to do that, I can’t just be friends with you, and you know that.” I keep walking, she's following me, I unlock the door walking out into the cold, rainy night. Before I get to my car I feel Vanessa grab my wrist, spinning me around. Her lips connect with mine, a passionate kiss that lasts far too short, even then I wrap my hands around her neck, trying to deepen the kiss, forgetting all that just happened, she runs one hand through my soaked hair, and the other around my back.

I didn’t want anything else in the world, it was the best thing I'd experienced. Until we pulled away, and I saw the same look in her eyes, the same look that said, that I just wasn't worth it. I wasn’t worth the risk, nor the love or the fear. It turned from my favorite memory of my life, to the one that makes my heart shatter at the thought of it. “Y/N..” I turn around walking the last few steps to my car. “Vanessa, however long it takes you to think I'm worth it, I’ll be waiting, I don’t know if you ever will, it could be 20 years till you realize it. I will always be waiting for you, even though right now. I’m just not worth it.”

[crazylittlejester]

*Slowly slides an opinion to the center of the table*

I know Warriors is a honorable character that does their bestest buuuuuutttt…

I need more morally grey Warriors tbh. I want a Warrior that will do morally questionable things to achieve a goal that furthers the betterment of a greater picture, whether that be to get the shadow or to defeat a small group of trouble makers. I like the idea that at the end of the day Warriors, due to environment and societal pressure, will do what it takes, even if it’s ugly to protect and serve those he cares for.

Probably sounds so out of character tho but I like the thought.

Hello again, wish you easy studies and success

✨🧚

The joys of being anonymous

this is definitely one way ive seen people explore his character, but one of the things we’ve REALLY seen from him especially in recent updates is how kind and gentle he is. Like yes he will absolutely get done what needs to get done, he’s the one who would be able to shove emotions aside the fastest and get the job finished, but I don’t think he’d ever be able to rationalize something like causing harm to others for the greater good, he’d spend an INSANE amount of time trying to find a work around to save both (now i DO have a fic with Evil Wars planned out where this is like. The EXACT line of reasoning that led him down the dark path alskkdkdkd, his desperate need to protect the kingdom and feel like he had more control over his situation and life led to him taking over it and making several other bad choices, but that fic is a whole “what if” scenario where Regular Wars and Evil Wars kinda face off because somehow there ended up bein’ two of him and yeah aldkdksl i could do a whole yap about that but it is after 3 am where I live and my brain stopped working)

I do agree that he definitely works hard towards the big picture and he’d be able to force himself to make upsetting decisions or focus on the task at hand instead of letting his emotions cause him to freeze in battle (which is why I firmly believe in him being more of the team medic than Hyrule because his ability to not panic and to focus on HELPING is probably unmatched, plus I think he would’ve gotten actual training to deal with injuries in the military. and also its just a hc of mine that he was trained as a field medic before all the Hero Business uprooted his life.) but anyway I personally think at the end of the day he cares so much for others that he’d try to find a way to save everyone. This man carried fairy food around with him the ENTIRE time and had it in a fairly easy place to access so that he could feed any fairy they MIGHT come across, he’s a big sweetheart who is gonna fight for the bigger picture and all the little things along the way. if he’s sacrificing anything for the greater good, it’s himself (i wuv him very much, he’s my special guy and as you can see i am so so normal about him *squeezes him like a rubber chicken and pats him on the head*)

but yeah that’s an interesting idea to entertain. it would be so easy for him after everything he’d been through to be cold and more hardened by the war and trauma, and it definitely could’ve shaped him to be that way, but he truly is a respectable and honorable person and I really like how he’s written in LU :)

EASY STUDIES AND SUCCESS TO YOU AS WELL 🫡🫡🫡

[daytaker]

NightBringer Satan is a Gift.

I understand everyone has their own opinions on how good/not good NB is as a game or a story or whatever, but in my opinion, Satan's characterization is soooo enhanced by it. I know that this isn't an opinion that everyone shares, but to me, Satan felt emotionally artificial sometimes in the original game (more on that below).* He felt kind of awkward and like he wanted to connect with MC but something was blocking the kind of connection they develop with some of the other brothers. (Disclaimer: I've only done season 1 of OG, so I can't speak to how he's characterized later on. I know, I know, shame. But I'm trying my best.) Getting to see what Satan is like when he doesn't have any control over his emotions makes the stiffness and artificiality make more sense to me, and they become admirable because we get to see just how hard it is for him to get everything under control.

I think they did a really good job with the pacing of his development in NB too. Satan in Lesson 1 and Satan in Lesson 19 are different, but there isn't a moment where he suddenly starts controlling his emotions better. I think there's a lot going on behind the scenes with him as far as his emotional growth and self control are concerned.

Also let's not forget some very important things about Satan that make him, IMO, one of the most interesting characters to work with as a writer:

Satan was never an angel; he had no fall from grace.

Satan was created from Lucifer's wrath---he is literally the product of trauma and self-mutilation.

Satan is significantly younger than his brothers.

He spent the first year of his life more or less trapped in a castle with his deeply emotionally wounded brothers.

He has a deep resentment towards Lucifer that sometimes defies reason---he wishes he didn't dedicate so much of his time and energy to him, but it's basically a compulsion.

He hates his deep association with Lucifer, and he hates that he has a lot in common with him.

And these lead me to some headcanons that live rent-free in my brain every day of my life.

Satan sees himself as a reminder of the Great Celestial War and everything his brothers lost in it, including Lilith.

He is divine retribution against Lucifer for his failure, for leading his brothers to failure, for letting his sister die.

He acts as a counterbalance to Lucifer's pride by bearing the weight of the shame that Lucifer can't fully accept now that he is the Avatar of Pride. Even if Lucifer pushes it out of his mind, Satan never forgets that he failed in the worst way possible.

His biggest aspiration is to become a full and complete person outside of any association he has with Lucifer. He feels like some sort of parasitic tumor that exists only in opposition to his brother, and he wants desperately to escape that role that he feels he was born into.

Anyway, Satan is great, hail Satan, all that good stuff. Did you know I have a lot of thoughts and opinions about Satan? I know, shocking. For more of my takes here's my fic about him (on AO3).

*I think Satan almost metaphorically represents certain elements of autism---emotions that don't come out the way you intend, masking and its limitations, hyperfixations that are barely under control. In Fandom Discourse(TM) there's sometimes a level of focus on more 'cutesy' autistic traits that we find endearing in characters, like social obliviousness and gleefully indulged hyperfixations. But emotional control, emotional masking, emotional seepage, emotional artificiality---these are also real and messy and often times they aren't cute and they're uncomfortable to see in yourself or in someone else. I really don't like diagnosing characters so I'm not about to claim Satan "is" autistic, but as someone who has been called essentially 'spectrum adjacent' by doctors, I relate to the awkwardness and the desire to appear normal despite knowing you're not and emotions spilling out in ugly ways---um. That got really long and personal.

[crows-ramble]

I have a lot of thought with this new chapter and mostly just todoriks not hawks for now, i make my life easier and go charater to character.

Spoilers 426 of Mha

Fuyumi: I dont have much to say about her more then I wish we got hear more how she feeling now and what how she wanna move forward more then getting a new job. But I be saying her new hair cut is cute.

Natsou: Im happy Horikoshi did not ruin his character by making forgive Endeavor and stick to his words and cut of Endeavor and more forward with his girlfriend. I love that he never shown as bad person for choosing that, its just how he want to move forward to be truly happy.

Enji: I'm glad he reterie from being a hero but i dont like he did not have a choice anyways. It would be more impact full if he could keep going but choice to retire to pay attention to his family and Touya specilfly. I feel sure he got physicaly disable but that not really a concicent from being abusive but more just being a pro hero.

Rei: She got sidelined so bad just so we could focus on Endeavor, she said how many things she wanna say but never got to see it. I know they said touya could only talk for a few minutes per day but god i wish we got to hear her say something. If not with touya self at least how she felt outside ahe have to feel so much seeing her son like that after all those years. Also for some reason i have bittersweet feeling how she got similar haircut now like before she got married and scar on the same side as Shouto. Also hate the fact it look she the care taker of endeavor even if she trying to be a better mother she sjould not need to take care of her abuser no matter what.

Shouto: i don't have much to say about him as his devaloment since most likey see more of again in these last chapter but it went as expacted in a good way. But i be honest i love how we again got to see how his way of showing love with others is thrue food. And he willing to ask about Touyas favorite food to try get closer to him even in the state Touya in.

Touya: Im devistaed over his end. I know he proably would not be completly fine in the end but that he was just slowly dying.It hurt both for him since he deserved to be able to move on to live for himself and sad for Shouto to be fighting so hard just for him to be slowly dying. He was able to reach Touya out of Dabi just for his effort to be for so little compard to his effort. I am happy we got a moment where Touya apoligized to Shouto showing how he got reached and proably regrat what thier realtionship endup like and finally saw his brother as his just little brother and not a masterpeace that took endeavor away from him. I like how both Touya and Shouto got the same favorite food and even in small scales they got paralles. (Loved even as he slowly dying he still got his sass against Enji.)

[chronosh0t]

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒: canon-divergence ; Lee's pov ; sfw ; slightly angst. ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ 〔 NO BETA 〕

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒: what if Lee got stuck in a loop? it's based on this tweet I posted weeks ago.

〔 if you like what I write or my edits, consider tip me on ko-fi. you'd help me a lot by donating me. thank you lots 〕

────────────── ❁ ──────────────

It has been so long, too long to count. Nonstop fighting for an end that is far from near, for a thin lay of hope that may or may not come out of the cruelty of reality. The light it's too dim, the air is too heavy, toxic and corrupted, no matter how deep every breath is, it never makes him feel better, less relaxed. Less lonely.

His hands are tired, his legs are having a hard time trying to keep up and his M.I.N.D is completely numb over time. Losing sense, and every single moment that peace seems to greet him, it flies past him as fast as one of his bullets. Breaking him in the silence of rejection, in the middle of the tower where escaping is not an option. For how long will this keep going? He does not know. And, to be fair, he doesn't want to know either. The crushing weight of having a clock ticking, counting what's left and what's yet to come, is not pleasant.

So he opted to ignore it. He made the decision, that day, to do the job only he was able to do. Because that was his sole purpose, at least for now, as much as he wished to change this twisted fate, it wouldn't be fair for those outside. If he was the only one capable, then so be it. Sacrifices must always be done. Be it time, or his own life. Just for the illusion that outside everyone is safe. He will stand over and over, shoot his gun, kill whoever or whatever gets in his way, for a slim chance.

There are short moments when everything is quiet, when not a single cry from despair could be heard, except for his erratic breathing, his feet dragging him to the stairs to finally take a seat after hours of battles and the loud noise of his weapon against the floor. He closes his eyes for a few seconds before taking a small device to call them. He just wants to have a few minutes to talk. Hoping. Wishing.

The call makes it through, and two faces greet him, smiling happily. The girl in red breaks the silence first.

ㅤㅤㅤ“It's been a while, Lee.” she stops, as if pondering if it's plausible to ask about his condition when it's obvious. “How are things on your side?”

ㅤㅤㅤ“Nothing new. The fights are endlessly annoying but, it's fine. I'm fine.” His voice cracks at the end, how terrible he has been at lying lately, or maybe he is too tired to pretend. Lee knows his teammates are aware of his state.

ㅤㅤㅤ“Lee…” the soft voice from Liv seemed to echo inside the tower, he nods and smile, “I know it's useless to say but, do please take care of yourself. I also know you're capable but.. We are worried about you. Especially Commandant.”She finished, her pink eyes showing great concern.

ㅤㅤㅤ“Commandant is a bit busy now. We would've called him but I know you have your ways.” Lucia explained, a chuckle escaped from her mouth.

Lee laughs at that. Indeed, he has his ways to contact his Commandant. “Thank you, I really mean it.” He finally spoke, the bitterness can be tasted, smelled and felt. Too heavy. “My time is running out. When I get another break, I will try to contact you guys again. Please take care.” He smiles again, and ends the call.

There's never a “goodbye”. Because he doesn't want to think about an end. As much as he is tired and his frame is at its limit on par with his M.I.N.D slowly losing complete focus from time to time, more often than not, Lee would reject the idea of a last call with his friends. That won't happen. He refuses to let that be part of his reality.

More often than not, he finds himself considering giving up and leaving, letting the wheel of destiny decide his punishment but there's something, someone, that keeps him from doing so. Or more like a “possible future”. Where there's no one, when the person he has come to cherish a little bit too much is no longer by his side, where his teammates are no longer walking with him but just a name in a marble stone. That was scary enough for him. The weight it's too much again.

His break is about to end. Taking a deep breath, he takes his device and taps a message and presses the send button, with the same address. For the same person. With the same words. He can feel an insufferable pain packing up inside his chest, filling the space between his ribs, crushing his artificial heart. He is shaking. His eyes are burning and tears are building up, but it's not the time.

It has never been. It probably never will.

He stands up, weapon in his hands. Time is running and it will never stop, no matter how many times he goes back, no matter how much he wishes and hopes, because time has never cared for that. So, for now, he just needs to keep going, and maybe one day, time will stop for him and he will be able to go back home. Go back to his friends. To his Commandant and be part of Gray Raven again.

…………

The digital screen beeps at the new message. He knows who sent it, and it's the reason he is also a bit reluctant to open it. He is always afraid it will be the last. His fingers trace the screen before lightly pressing over the email icon. A small text shows up, saying:

ㅤㅤㅤ“It's been a while. I know Liv and Lucia are there to take care of you, but I've got to know you enough to understand you're a magnet for troubles. So, don't do anything stupid.

ㅤㅤㅤ I don't have much time, there's nothing new. I am doing as fine as I can, you don't need to worry (I know you will, but don't let my situation distract you from your job, Commandant).

ㅤㅤㅤ ………… I miss you. I miss you a lot. It even hurts a bit sometimes. But I'm always hoping. Hoping that one day I will be by your side again, seeing you smile, holding your hand. I miss your warmth. The idea of going back to you, to Gray Raven keeps me going.

ㅤㅤㅤ I have to go. See you next time.”

And without knowing, despite the distance between them, tears were shed at the same time. Because time was the only thing connecting them.

[avicebro]

So how did you like Hisui Route? :3

While there are elements that I love about the three routes prior to this (I am, and will continue to forever be, not normal about Ciel), Hisui's route sinks its teeth in so well. Some of the pacing issues I experienced with the other routes aren't present here - it pulls you in, and makes it so that you want to continue to play. Further, it does a much better job at making the Tohno mansion into a metaphor, one that is so claustrophobic and suffocating.

The route has really spectacular uses of horror that is only done by building on the knowledge the player already knows from playing the other routes. As my friend Lolly pointed out - the game has moved past the need to simply gaslight Shiki, and is now actively asking the player to rethink every piece of information we're given.

I especially love Hisui and Shiki's dynamic. I think Hisui is probably, as of right now, the girl I would say I do ship with Shiki the most (just cause I love Arc/Ciel, even though there are things about Ciel/Shiki and Arc/Shiki I enjoy). Her H-scene is my favourite currently.

And then gosh the endings, the way that the True End just completely changes the way you look at the entire VN. It's such a well-constructed twist that had me all tucked into myself, wishing I had popcorn.

I really loved the Good End too. While the True End is so important and so well done, it is nice to have an ending that allows for healing and has Shiki and Hisui at the focus at the end. It was such a nice way to end the route.

As I expected, Hisui's route is definitely one of my favourites now. It's hard for me to pick between Ciel and Hisui's now,,,,,

I'm definitely going to need to take a week to think about it at all but it really makes me want to play Kohaku's route as soon as I can!

[hungee-boy]

Taking a Hiatus

im going to take at least a week long break from tumblr, reasons are below the cut

i have GFMs in my queue and those will post regularly every day, ill only be back in between to fill the queue with more recent campaigns

if you like my content then do me a huge favor and go to Sudan Funds and Gaza Funds and try to donate $5 a day to any campaign if you have the money, if not then just keep sharing campaigns and urging people to donate

but yeah love yall

ive been on and off depressive and manic for months now and its getting to a point where i need a hard restart

im still trying to just survive in my shitty rotting house and keep my family happy by doing whatever they need but its not enough for us to make progress to actually being healthy and living normally

i have a job prospect but i havent heard anything since my first interview and im scared im going to be ghosted again. theres so many other stress factors in my life but believe me when i say its too much for me right now

i need time to do some work at home and get my shit together before i have another nervous breakdown when something goes wrong, hopefully when i come back things will be better and i can better run my projects and help people in need

and dont worry about donating to me in this time, just focus on the people in sudan and gaza for me, thats my only real wish while i take this break

thanks besties <3

[theindescribable1]

[platonic kiss on forehead and hug.]

"I hope things get better, inde."

oh, I hope things will.

((Kind Of Important!))

Let me explain just.. Everything I can right now, I'm sorry for all this. I'm just. . Struggling...

Tw: Uhh.. Sad?

So my mom's brother, Fernando, is really struggling. He's been an alcoholic for so many years and he is a full on drunk, almost every time I see him, he's drunk or getting drunk. Its gotten so much worse to where he has gone through 3 families. 3 of his wives with children, have left him because of his constant alcoholism. So he just got kicked out of his home, he has no house, no money, no job, no family of his own, nothing. He's drunken, he's confused...He is basically forgetting everything. He's forgetting that he doesn't have a wife, or a house, and that's lead to terrible things! He is so confused, its like dementia..And because of just not being sober, he's sexually harassed random women because he thought they were his wife. He might of permanently damaged his brain, and he can't do anything. . Its just so bad i can't ever explain all of it. And I'm just having to deal with him, just a bit.. And I'm back home now from taking him to a hospital- but he doesn't have insurance and he just hasn't been able to get help I just don't know what to do.

And of course theres me, I'm a mess. A suicidal self-loathing mess. I can't focus I can't learn I get sick so much so easily...I just can't understand some things and I constantly feel so much physical pains, its been 9 years with all of this, and I'm so bottled up this feels like the only place besides therapy where I can just...talk. get things out, and say just how.. How much I need help. I am not fine, and its sad. Theres so much in my head, ao much happening, and I can't sleep at night because of how much i think of just... everything. I can't tjink of good anymore, I feel so trapped and helpless and just so hopeless. I've- I've just been hurt. Hurt so much. I can't even imagine how much Is wrong...And I'm just.. I'm in a dangerous place. Suicidal people, its so easy to hurt them so much that they'd go home and actually kill themselves. I'm...Well I've never really made a plan to kill myself, but if someone told me to just Kill myself...Theres.. a dangerous possibility that I might. Its so hard, and I'm.. in so much pain. I just wish I was better, and I am going to be. I'm sure I'll be fine in the end, I'll be happy, healthy, and I'll love myself for who I am. Not for who I wish I was. Just me..

[art-of-mathematics]

i need to rant again (sorry in advance).

I feel very sad right now.

As I concretized what aspects I suffer under the most: it is primarily isolation and having nothing to do all day.

so i searched for volunteering opportunities.

(i want to volunteer) but seeing the offers for volunteering work almost being entirely a social volunteering activity made me very sad and frustrated.

and although i find that things like soup kitchen for homeless people are important and i value them - i do not know how i could integrate myself in there to do any activity where i would not just be entirely overchallenged by all social interactions stuffs. while also being bored of the tasks one could do here.

I searched further for any regular or any activities for autistic people or people with huge social inabilities- and it makes me so sad and angry... finding just the few scarce options i have also heard of already- occupational therapy, "work" therapy (which is very similar to occupational therapy), and then thats it for regular options.

for less regular options there is also very few options...

for volunteering work one also needs to be merely self-organized. and damn...

i just wish i had a job that i at least enjoy half of the tasks to do - and anything to do.

i hate being in this shitass huge city and having the same options as someone living in a damn tiny village... or forest.

//sarcastic: in a forest there might even be more options for me to engage with my environment than in this shitasshuge city of additional sensory torture...

it makes me so sad.

it feels futile.

like literally. the isolation and having nothing non-pointless to do make overcoming the shitty trauma far more difficult.

What can I do?

Talking with myself is an option I find even more depressing than just talking to no one for days.

its not even that i slightly like the isolation.

i hate it. i dread it! i prefer to live with some people in a shared flat. but this isolation chamber. i cannot take it.

but i mean: i am extremely privileged for living on my own, renting an apartment solely for myself. But I do not want to live for myself. It is isolating, debilitaing so. In a shared apartment there at least happens social interaction randomly, and I could even do the tasks I do already and would help someone with what i do. But this way its depressingly futile and lifeless.

I feel useless and like a damn burden.

This apartment I am living in is like the final storage facility of radiocative substances: its far away from any engagement places, on a mountain on the outermost edge of the city, with the only function to store and isolate the trash for many years and decades so it will finally fall apart one day, and does not annoy anyone with its existence.

damn. i feel so sad. i have very huge trouble sleeping since a week. i am tired. i am exhausted. breathing shallowly. cant focus. just mind fog. just shittt

am tired but cant sleep

can only complain.

i hate this futile attempt to "pull myself up by my own bootstraps". it is not only seriously energy-consuming, but also futile. But what else can i do?

fuck it. i am tired. yet cant sleep.

and dat thought circle now repeats itself 1000 times until i either get so angry or stressed that whatever might happen - or i might be able to navigate my fucked up mind into a different semi-disturbing thought topic.

i am tired.

yes, you are tired? tell me more about it. does it feel as if u got bread as brain?

yeah. totally. the bread is crumbling.

and what do we want to do with the crumbs now?

perhaps collect da crumbs, put it in a bowl (but not a holebowl) and then insert a liquid and stomp it very hard multiple times until it becomes dough again.

yay. we bake a tiny new brain bread now, dont we?

yeas, we do.

at least in our imagination it is that easy to get into a slightly better mental space - for few minutes - but that is a topic for another chapter.

no seriously. i have to come up with this kind of nonsense all the time because if i confuse myself with this kind of silly nonsense the shitty thoughts, feeling and memories get swirled around - and then they are less painful.

swirling the awful brain crumbs makes them feel as if they are disappeared - but only for the moment when i swirl the shit around. if the brain crumbsmsettle again it all starts to be unbearable again.

seriously this is exhausting. and why? damn why do i have to do this?

arent there more helpful/functional ways to deal with it?

if someone of you humans reading this knows a realitistic other functional compensation method, please feel free to tell me.

I am "am Ende meines Lateins" as that German saying goes. I have approached the end of having clues/ideas. Perhaps I have to accept I approached the invitable: the last station to Burnout and Boreout all at once!

the ring of running in a hamster wheel closes itself as the hamster approached light speed and time began to stand still.

as time stood still, all that was existent was the dead hamsters haunting memories,

still haunting him after he already succesfully died in one of his recursive nightmares.

but uhh. recursive nightmares are of a special kind... i assure you... but dont be sure about anything, thats for sure...

.. and that, my dear human beans, that is true irony.

legendary.

at least i can laugh about it - somehow. anyhow. whatever.