#i wish i had meds that worked on me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

aaami · 1 year ago

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Man 🙃

#i’m honestly amazed that i’m able to work at all #but tbh it’s the only thing keeping me somewhat sane #and gives me social interactions #but outside of work i’m a total mess right now #cleaning feels impossible and now even taking a shower feels like the hardest task ever #but i did manage to shower! hurray!#i wish i had meds that worked on me

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ibelieveinahappilyeverafter · 1 day ago

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no but like, I need y'all to understand how different I am now that i'm taking Adderall and it's actually working

before Adderall I would feel the urge to use the bathroom and even if I had to go it would still take me ten minutes to get the necessary energy to sit up and actually go

i would then sit on the toilet for about 20 minutes until I got the strength/energy to return to my room and collapse on my bed

now?

it's 1am and after casually popping in I brushed my teeth (which I usually don't have the energy for) and just casually cleaned the sink

over the last week i've written about 7,000 words, did dishes without feeling like I was going to have a breakdown over it, casually took out the trash, just-

i feel like for the first time in years I can actually do things

y'all I brushed my teeth and almost started crying at how easy it felt

#like I wish I was exaggerating but God guys I really started tearing up as I realized what I had just done #for so long I felt like people didn't really understand when I told them I couldn't DO anything #that I would try to get up and do something and my brain just. wouldn't let me.#and now I can??? and I have to sit here and go is this what everyone else can do?! can they just DO things like that?!#like I knew the Adderall would help as long as it didn't interfer with my other meds but God #I did not expect it to make me feel so goddamn normal #original #my rambles #also sorry for the rant I fell asleep for half an hour and then body woke me up (at 11ish pm) and said that was a nice nap time to work

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ridaine · 1 month ago

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I forgot that doing comms means less time to draw my blorbos </3

#rida raving #truly I am starved #deflated #SUPER GRATEFUL TO EVERYONE WHO'S COMMISSIONED ME THO #I WANNA BE CLEAR I LOVE AND APPRECIATE IT #I just wish I had more time #rn I'm doing my full time office job and comms and it's a lot for me to maintain ngl #I only get one afternoon a week to work on art unless I wanna do weekends too #and my queue is too long to only be doing one a week if I want to clear it to change up the types being offered #I wish I could do a split or one full day to dedicate to comm work #but I keep having to use my only thurs for med appts and the works

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daltonsnightmare · 6 days ago

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I know right now I will definitely NOT be making the deadline for any of these prompts but I swear I will finish at least one of these flashfics before the event is over. I prommy

#trying to write for one rn and my brain is just NOT staying on track. cant for the life of me focus #its times like these where I wish I had meds LOL #me begging to myself: can we please just stay focused for once. please please I am begging y-oh I need to change this song #oh cool somebody posted something new on my dash. maybe I'll check my email while I'm at it. change the song again.#what was I doing before thi-WRITING. I WAS WRITING. PLEASE WRITE.#mapleposts #suffering over here #also cant get the image of Jack holding Mac's limp body out of my head but that's an idea I can't work into this story so it's gotta be for #ANOTHER one. and I can't let myself think about another one yet. im in agony

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outeremissary · 16 days ago

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Dudes I swear to god if I have to go in on my day off because someone with the opening shift called out at 1:30 am :')

#I keep putting off taking time off work even when I need it because I have this paranoia that if I take a break I will be called in #or someone will need something so badly things will collapse without me #and I keep being RIGHT when I had to take a morning to see a doctor because I NEED MY MEDS BACK I was called in a panic #it may have been an error then but ahhhhhh. I'm so paranoid about it #it's also why I keep saying I won't take a leave of absence for health when ummmmmm. people. probably aren't wrong that I should #I wish I didn't spend half of the holidays siiiiick #rambling

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foxgirlmoth · 4 months ago

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I feel like spiraling is always described as a quick thing but let me tell you. Girls will get afraid and slowly spiral for months I think.

#Like overall we're. Okay #Just wish I had disability getting approved soon or I find a new job or I can just somehow not be sitting in #Either the negatives or slightly above the negatives #Financially I am slowly dying and I'm not dead in the water because my beloved gf is amazing and thankfully can handle this #For at least a few months #But my long term thoughts are so uncertain #I just want to be around her and I just want us to live comfortably #I'm ever so slowly trying to crawl out of this over a year art block and that's a bit taxing mentally too #Idk I just want a bedframe that doesn't make me scared I'll fall every time I sleep or get on it #I wanna work off my fuckhuge loan debt #Its been so ungodly hard recently #I'm also thankful my dr rocks and meds have been helping with pain a good bit.#It just feels like I'm ever so slowly slipping into pretty much bed ridden territory again #Even with the meds. They help the pain a good bit (sometimes) but I still feel exhausted. And I'm getting insomniatic again #I just wanna sleep. I just wanna feel no stress for the first time. I've been stressed since fucking middle school #Or maybe even 6th grade because thats when the chronic pain started! Yayy!!!

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racke7 · 3 months ago

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My internet has been investigated by a professional.

There might be something weird with the big cables (to quote the guy: the "inner-pair" and "outer-pair" of the eight-cables are of different lengths, but by all accounts still work just fine), but my own equipment has at least passed (no extra-fine for crying wolf for me).

The weird stability-thing continues to be weird. And current test is for them to switch my internet-provider (internet-provider has a use-contract with the cable-operators, who are the ones investigating) over the weekend. See if the problem is on that end.

It's possible that this is the case (at which point I guess I'll try to switch permanently), or that it's that weird cable-length resulting in the problem (which is... a whole different can of worms).

#also. after a full week with only paracetamol. i'm back on naproxen (self-decided) after sending an update to my doctor #(basically amounting to ''you do know that this spine-pain never actually goes away on its own. right?'')#(with an addition about how paracetamol doesn't even really do anything for me. as far as pain-reduction goes.)#(but yeah. the pain builds up over time. sometimes very little time is needed. but giving it more time isn't gonna make it go away)#(i know this bcs it took me EIGHT FUCKING MONTHS to get these pills in the first place. and they were the only things that helped.)#(you think i didn't try other pain-meds before that? you think i didn't try to exercise? you think i didn't change my sleep-posture?)#(i had eight months. i bought an entirely new fucking bed. i slept in a fucking hammock. i tilted my bed. i tried sleeping sitting up.)#(until naproxen? NOTHING FUCKING WORKED. and at this point... if i get heart-issues ten years from now?)#(at least i've had lived a comfortable life up until that point. and there's heart-medicine that can probably keep me going even longer)#bcs her most recent attempt at ''fixing my medication'' is effectively to tell me to close my eyes and make a wish #which isn't really a viable option. ''but exercise-...'' ''i've said MULTIPLE TIMES that exercise has never had an impact''#sure. exercises from the physiotherapist might have different results. but after a full month of them? no sign of those results.#and after one week off my pills (reduced)? i was sleeping in shifts (from back-pain) and struggling to stand straight #and my flexibility was so ruined that i suddenly remembered why i learned to never turn in my seat when reversing the car #(bcs i can't fucking move like that. moving like that is impossible. look in the mirrors. hope for the best)#so yeah. back on my pills. and my doctor can fight me over it. once they get around to reading my message.#won't stop me from doing the exercises. bcs let's face it i probably need them for other reasons. but yeah.#personal stuff #rants

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lesbiansanemi · 4 months ago

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I'm so tired

#not to come on here just to complain and feel sorry for myself especially because i know things are so much worse for so many other ppl #but as hard as i'm trying it's hard to believe things will be okay i'm trying so hard not to fall into defeatist attitudes #but fuck man. fuck. it's not even that i'm surprised or anything it's just. man #i want to curl up in a ball and just be comforted and cry and be upset but i can't do that and i have no one to do that #my worker's comp payments aren't coming through like they're supposed to and i have like ten dollars and barely any food in the apartment #my injuries aren't getting better the pain is still there even though i'm doing everything i'm supposed to #my meds aren't working but meds have NEVER worked on me and i keep hoping and praying some day i'll find one that will but i fear they won'#i have more psych testing in january but a part of me worries about doing it because if (when) i test positive for certain things it will b #on my record and considering..... the state of things i worry about what that means for me and my autonomy esp regarding anything medical #i still can't convince any doctors to take my issues that are almost CERTAINLY endometriosis seriously and again.... given the state of thi #i find it very hard to believe that will change and will in fact only get worse and i will never be able to get any kind of sterilization o #hysterectomy and if something ever ended up happening and i DID get pregnant well. it would not be good for me #i feel very alone and like i need to and must handle everything on my own but i feel like i'm about to break doing that #and then this. this. this this this this. i know it's not fair to be upset about it. like i said things are so much worse for so many other #but fuck dude. fuck man. mentally i have not been doing good recently and nothing has happened in my life to really help that recently #i want to go back to being so repressed i genuinely felt/believed i was emotionless this was not a good year for the dam to break #i told my therapist the other day that i feel like a toddler. i was so repressed and emotionless for as long as i can remember #so i never learned to deal with big ugly and overwhelming emotions. so i react as a child still learning would because i never got the #chance to learn how to manage them and FUCK MAN i feel like i'm losing it #i know it's important to do what you can and not fall into overly negative mindsets but that's not something i was good at anyways #and now it's even harder but i'm trying. fuck dude i'm trying so hard i want to be hopeful i want to do what i can #i don't want to hate everything and jump immediately to wanting to kms or destroying my whole life because what's the point #i just. holy fuck. man i need a minute to breathe and i wish i had someone physically here to hold me and tell me it's okay #but i don't have that so i'll be a big girl and sort myself out like usual and just hope i don't break yet #i'm gonna go watch anime and try and read fic to distract myself but mannnnnnnn i feel like i'm losing it #kaz rambles

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orcelito · 1 year ago

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Got my phone on my own account, so I am Officially independent of my father (in terms of stuff I pay every month)

Also now know what I'm gonna get from life insurance and. Well. It really is a life changing amount of money. Enough that I could potentially just... not work as I make my way through the rest of school.

I want to be careful with it, not grow too flippant about it, but with proper allocation, this could genuinely help me finally get my life on track.

I'm still kinda reeling over it. It's genuinely mind-boggling.

#speculation nation #so. some positives in all the utter crap of this situation.#this year was already the year of Unfucking My Life. that was my motto. it still should be.#grief is... a difficult beast. but im going to make sure that i make the most of this.#he had life insurance in the first place as a final gift to us should anything happen to him.#and im not going to squander it. i will get on adhd meds. i will finish school. i will pay off my debt.#i will get a good job to hopefully let me live a comfortable life.#and as much as i wish he was still in it. was still around to see the places i go.#i am his child. pragmatic to the end.#lots to think about. lots to process. for now i've got a house to keep working on packing.

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phagodyke · 4 months ago

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aouuugh my uterus......

#long long day at work codeine wasnt helping with cramps and my meds are less effective on my period :(#ive been doing okay most of the day tho just starting feeling kind of miserable omw home bc such a long wait at the bus stop in pain #and im kind of lonely at the moment but wont be able to climb tomorrow bc of cramps so thats my main social source gone :(#and it always feels worse at home bc if im having a hard time like in physical pain or feeling down my roommate cant rly handle it #like she cant rly be in the room with me the headphones go straight on. which is ok im realising its just how her type of autism works #so im trying not to get as upset at her abt it. with varying degrees of success but it just takes time #i mean i dont get upset AT her like ik its not her fault and i dont want her feeling like it is. I keep it internal + cry once im alone #just different social needs n boundaries innit. we're a bit incompatible is all #but its still hard. I'd like support from other ppl when I'm struggling i mean i think thats a fairly normal thing to want #but of the friends I would be comfortable talking to abt how i feel none of them have that kind of emotional availability #which again is ok like its not on them. and im very capable of dealing w my shit myself one way or another so its not a Need #but idk. it would just be nice. I feel like I've had to be so independent most of my teenage and adult life and I wish I could take a #break from that sometimes. even just a hug would be nice man #sorry i always come on here and talk abt the same problems... well youll see me do it again no doubt abt that 🫠#ughh and i feel so guilty for wanting things ppl cant give even though i know its not really my fault either and im allowed to want things #and i dont cross boundaries or make them feel bad abt it. i really hope i dont anyway. but still ahhh...#its so hard for me to feel connected to anyone if they cant rly engage w me emotionally at all like its a non negotiable #factor into closeness and trust for me and i get so frustrated bc i feel so distant and alienated from the ppl i care abt most #and ik i overreact bc of my rsd so maybe its just that its probably not even a real issue. but its real to me bc im the one who gets upset #man. anyway its okay just a really really long day. im gonna wash my dishes and then shower #and finish my book. maybe i should play some dead cells i miss it. i dont really want to think abt how i feel anymore #maybe ill see if anyones free to hang out tmr evening so i dont have to feel as lonely even if i cant leave the house after work #all good nice to have a plan anyway. done sniffling. my hot water bottle is helping thr cramps a littlr i think #.diaries #oh i dont think its helping actually ow. i took more codeine an hour ago why doesnt it do anything. not fairrr 😭

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valdotjpg · 8 months ago

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to the ppl that have sent me an ask in the past week or so: i saw them & will try to answer em tomorrow! sorry for taking a while. i am . perpetually lost in time

#very anxious also #+ every time im like ok today im gonna answer asks my brain is like go my scarab. and the scarabs name is executive dysfunction #i really wish i had meds to help me deal w/ it bc frankly its getting really out of control #i spent the entire day making shit out of corks instead of like. working on much more important stuff. that i Wanted to work on

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j-esbian · 8 months ago

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thinking abt how much of my life i’ve lost to depression and i truly want to throw up