#i will use this joke

[lazylittledragon]

can't believe we're all adults being forced into the club penguin level of censorship in 2024

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[sheyfu]

Ofc! I will continue the jokes they won't be original. I can't do that to save my life but I can look one up and share it. Maybe if I gain a little more confidence I'll stop being an anon. How does a cat make a birthday cake? From scratch.

I GIGGLED. LOUDLY. VERY LOUDLY. I LOVE JOKES SM 😭😭😭😭😭😭 AND IT'S OKI IF IT'S NOT ORIGINAL WHAJHDJWJ i won't pressure you into making original jokes 😭😭 AND SAME GOES FOR GOING OF ANONNNNNNN you don't have to stop being an anon <33 i can give you an emoji/nickname if you'd like? HWHWHAJAHA THANK YOU FOR THIS <333

[dreamyintersexouppy]

"man, every trans woman i meet has a shitty bed and small apartment and no money let's make fun of them for that, let's get self congratulatory assfaces in the reblogs saying they'll buy her a blanket, let's all point and laugh at the poor girl who is systemically discriminated against and therefore more likely to end up poor, unemployed, and homeless, isn't that so funny?????"

you guys talk about our poverty the way conservatives talk about iq

[chloesimaginationthings]

Michael doesn’t like Halloween anymore in FNAF..

[littler3d]

I’m sorry if I was in any version of the pjo universe I would’ve clocked that Percy was the son of Poseidon as soon as the bathroom incident occurred. Tf you mean “I wonder who your dad is” he EXPLODED A TOILET. Chiron this is the second water incident you have witnessed how are you still confused

[what-am-i-doing-in-this-fandom]

Yeah, I don't know about you, Fidds, but I'd fold at this 🙏

Previous!!

Next!!

First!!

[iwasbored777]

The guy at the bar: Are you two gonna fuck or fight?

Wade and Logan, few hours later:

[hemi-demi]

[marvelsmostwanted]

Today in 🍂✨October surprises✨🍂

• Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg and Secretary of Labor Julie Su quietly assisted in winning labor rights for dockworkers, ending a strike that could have had catastrophic economic consequences. (10-4-24)

• In Springfield, Ohio, where Haitian migrants have been blamed for the disappearance of local animals with Trump claiming “‘migrants are walking off’ with geese in the town” and “they’re eating the dogs” - a lie also promoted by JD Vance, Ohio’s own sitting Senator, with no evidence - it turns out that the missing geese were actually the victims of a 64-year-old white man who was hunting illegally. (10-3-24)

• A Trump-appointed federal judge blocked Biden’s student loan forgiveness plan again after another judge reinstated it earlier this week. (10-3-24)

• Republicans and crazy Facebook uncles everywhere have spent this week spreading disinformation about the FEMA response to Hurricane Helene, including AI photos of Trump standing in floodwater and wild claims that Biden is sending money to undocumented immigrants. In reality, the Biden-Harris administration has provided substantial emergency assistance and both Biden and Harris have visited the region. Meanwhile, it turns out that Trump was the one who redirected money from disaster relief to send to ICE during his presidency. Shocker. (10-4-24)

• Seriously, though, Trump is not who you want to call in an emergency. Before allowing disaster relief to reach victims of wildfires in California, then-president Trump forced aides to show him an electoral map to see if he had voters there. He evidently intended to withhold the aid if he found out it was going to mostly Democratic voters. This would be a career-ending scandal in any other political era but alas, we are living in this one. (10-3-24)

• Finally, far-right extremist and Oklahoma superintendent of schools Ryan Walters intends to put Bibles in public schools, which is already disturbing, but in a stunning display of corruption, the only ones that meet his specifications are the so-called “Trump Bibles” that include the Constitution and Declaration of Independence. They go for $60 apiece and Trump gets fees from each one. (10-4-24)

No, wait, I’m going to say that one again:

In Oklahoma, taxpayers’ money will be used to put Trump Bibles in public schools. Their money will go directly to Trump. Not a joke!!! Not an exaggeration!!!

…Surely the voters who are still undecided are lying, right?? Right?!

30 days until Election Day.

Go to vote.org for a sample ballot, early voting dates, and more. Seriously, we have to win.

[catshinji]

hmm.

[hunybody]

you all misunderstood percy’s reaction to nico saying he used to have a crush on percy soooo bad. “percy was offended he wasn’t nico’s type” this “percy is so oblivious” that HOW have we all forgotten that nico literally wanted that man DEAD in the first series. and allowed percy to walk around with kidnapppng amnesia for most of the second. WHY would percy think he was nico’s type AT ALL why ON EARTH would he NOT be oblivious to nico having a crush on him???? he is certain that nico wants him homeless on the street at LEAST

[inkskinned]

having good & true friends will literally save and protect you in a million unfathomable ways. like okay we have written so many times about lovers. but the way a platonic friend laughs and cries with you. the way they hold your hand at 14 years old and at 34. the way they keep a little silver tie to you, touching base over and over and over. how you can go years without talking, only to re-meet and discover: oh shit! you're still cool!

there are people who have been in my life for more than half of it, and i have loved every version of them. do you know how fucking beautiful that is. yeah love will save the world. but the way friends love you is gonna save the you.

[astrothii]

the whole trojan war could have been avoided if paris just. ate the apple in one comically large bite. athena, hera, and aphrodite would have been stunned into silence.

[bioshzrd]

this random ass guy who’s entire bit is that he can move like this is the only good wesker fan ever

[leggalese]

i needed to doodle this...