#i will survive this and never run away
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Prompt:
It’s not that Jason forgot, per se.
But between smuggling a toddler out of the League of Assassins, trekking halfway across the world, and finding a suitable hiding place that’s also child friendly… well, it kind of slipped his mind that he’s supposed to be… dead.
Something that comes back to bite him in the ass when he takes Dami out for some ice cream and just so happens to run into non other than Brucie-fucking-Wayne
#look I’ve found a new fave trope and it’s Brucie Wayne having to keep up his act while internally LOSING HIS SHIT#Jason isn’t very into the whole revenge thing here#his mind is 85 parts ‘keep Dami safe’ 5 parts ‘kill joker asap’ and 10 parts ‘avoid bats at any cost’#Jason doesn’t know who Damian’s father is#dealer’s choice if Jason establishes himself as Dami’s dad or older brother#his build certainly makes him look old enough#if you don’t look at his baby face lol#Jason runs into Brucie and goes straight into survival mode#Damian who is very observant for a toddler immediately clocks Brucie as THREAT based on Jason’s reaction#Brucie blue screens and desperately tries not to lose Jason in the crowd#jason is absolutely trying to lose Brucie in the crowd#while clutching Damian like his life depends on it#for all he knows it does#the visceral terror that your pseudo dad will take away your little brother/baby#Bruce who just wants to know if he’s hallucinating again: W A I T#jason who is terrified of being put in Arkham for killing people: no FUCKING WAY#hm maybe Jason plays the ‘I’m not Jason’ game again#it’s not gonna hold for long#but Bruce absolutely thinks that Damian is Jason’s bio child for a while and he’s on the WARPATH#Jason was sixteen when he died and never showed any interest in dating so literally every red flag is waving in brucie’s mind simultaneousl#or maybe Jason manages to get away and all Brucie is left with is the memory of his supposedly dead son#running away from him#and clutching a tiny kid#prompts#jason todd#batfamily#Damian wayne#batdad#brucie wayne
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Hamnet Underlandchronicles is neither the eldest nor a daughter but he Does have eldest daughter syndrome. To me
#im an eldest daughter* and i say so#it's about being mom's favorite yet never living up to her expectations#it's about forsaking your siblings to run away and be your own person#and feeling guilty about it but also knowing it's the only way you'll survive#and#most importantly#it's about being gay#the underland chronicles#gregor the overlander#hamnet
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I don’t know what did they do
they fucked up my boy 😭
#muse talk#anon#robin lives spoilers#(not really My boy but. he gets the title bc i feel bad)#for those not in the know#the point of the robin lives run was to tell an alternate story#where jason survived his encounter with joker#and like. it felt very promising at first#but they just. completely threw it away with the last panels#instead of being a story about jason it turned into a batman-joker storyline again#and jason got. completely fucked over. he’s never allowed to heal
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my mum died last night
#i was with her. i spoke comforting words to her as her breathing slowed#she didn't suffer - she wasn't in any pain. she heard me and became slower and slower then i... saw her die#i never predicted i'd be there at the moment of death#it was her time. her body had been slowly shutting down the last three days and she'd been officially dying for 5 months#she was so strong. she was hanging on for me. needing to know i'd be able to survive with her gone#once it was clear that things were gonna be fine (besides the emotional toll) she started to truly let go#i've been with her whenever i could be the last three days. and night nurses watched her as i slept#last nights nurse woke me to be with her in her final moments#besides hearing me talk the last few days - i was also running star trek for her to listen to#she couldn't communicate or move but we all knew she was aware of things around her#i gave her words of reassurance and comfort and the last words she heard me say were ''i love you''#and three days ago before she lost the ability to speak the last words she managed were ''i love you''#so things went as well as they could be considering the situation#she died a little over 12 hours ago. it was 7 hours before they could take the body away. that was. haunting#it's been a rough day. worst day of my life. but mum is at peace now. and i have a lot of kind people to support me#everything will be okay eventually and i have my whole life ahead of me and mum wants that life to be good#so i musn't give up. now matter how depressed i feel
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Reminds me of “The World Was Wide Enough”, a song from the musical, Hamilton!
youtube
#sonic movie 3#sonicmovie3hype#movie shadow#movie sonic#I’d imagine Movie Sonic being Alexander Hamilton and Movie Shadow as Aaron Burr 😭#🎶The World Was Wide Enough Sayonara… Shadow The Hedgehog🎶#Movie Shadow: 🎶 I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory Is this where it gets me on my feet several feet ahead of me? 🎶#🎶 I see it coming do I run or fire my gun or let it be?🎶 🎶There is no beat no melody 🎶#🎶 Sonic a young hedgehog whom I consider an uneasy ally and had our first rivalry Maybe the last face I ever see 🎶#🎶 If I throw away my shot is this how you'll remember me? 🎶 🎶 What if this sacrifice is my legacy? Legacy what is a legacy? 🎶#🎶 It's planting seeds in a garden you never get to see 🎶 🎶 I wrote some notes at the beginning of a song someone will sing for me 🎶🎶#🎶Earth you great unfinished symphony it was too much of a Mad Mad Mad Mad World for me 🎶#🎶 You let me make a difference a place where even weird technicolour space alien orphan children 🎶#🎶 Can leave their fingerprints and rise up I'm running out of time I'm running and my time's up 🎶#🎶 Wise up eyes up I catch a glimpse of the other side 🎶 🎶My creator my father Gerald Robotnik is on the other side 🎶#🎶 He's with his granddaughter Maria who’s on the other side Teach me how to say goodbye 🎶 🎶 Rise up rise up rise up MARIA! 🎶#🎶 My best friend my sister I’d love you to take your time 🎶 “I'll give them a chance to be happy…”#Company: 🎶 he uses the very last of his chaos energy- Movie Shadow: “CHAOS CONTROL!” Movie Sonic: “WAIT!”#Movie Sonic: “He was unable to maintain his super transformation form any longer” “I tried to stop him but he punched me away”#“I get a drink” = “I get a chilli dog 💀”#🎶Aaaah Aaaah Aaaah 🎶#“I hear cheering in the streets” 🎶Aaaah Aaaah Aaaah 🎶#🎶 They say Gerald and Shadow Were both at her side when she died 🎶#🎶 Death doesn't discriminate Between the sinners and the saints it takes and it takes and it takes 🎶#🎶History obliterates in every picture it paints It paints me and all my mistakes 🎶#Movie Sonic: 🎶 Before Shadow The Hedgehog feel down to Earth he aimed at the sky He may have been the first one to die 🎶#🎶 But I'm the one who paid for it I survived but I paid for it 🎶 🎶Now I’m the “hero” in your history I was too young and blind to see 🎶#🎶I should've known I should've known the world was wide enough for both The Ultimate Lifeform and me 🎶#🎶The World Was Wide Enough For both The Ultimate Lifeform and me… 😭🎶
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#adventures in#caelid#i thought getting the unalloyed needle was far away on the horizon#only for me to run smack into commander o'nils (and mildred or whatever her name was) not five minutes in help#i survived both but#i ran into the putrid tree avatar not long after that and uh#bonk#one hit like the knife said#how how how how (hoo hoo hoo hoo)#ølden ring#never before have i had as big of an “oh neptune” moment#than when i clocked mildred launching into something that was pretty unmistakably the waterfowl dance#while i was parked on that tiny little island in a sea of scarlet rot with nowhere to dodge
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thinking about freehoun so bad tonight oughhhhhhhhhhhh
#i wanna draw it so bad but i need to eat and then go to bed#like- just the idea of the rescas. barney sees gordon being dragged away and is forced to leave him#and even though he knows gordon lived- he defeated the nihlanth after all- he's still never going to see him again#the vorts say he's alive- they INSIST he's alive- but he'd still be on xen with no way to get back#and then barney just exists selflessly trying to help the resistance for 20 years#every so often he hears about gordon coming back one day and fuck he wants to believe that but he just *cant*#until he sees him at the train station#holy shit. it's him. and he hasn't aged a damn day.#barney can't even properly reunite because they would get caught and killed#so he calls issac and sends gordon on his way trying so so so hard to pokerface for the rest of his shift#when he gets back he only finds out gordon is on the run and in danger#and he cant do shit to help him#and when gordon gets to black mesa east barney isn't even there#all that- all of half life 2- and they can't properly reunite#and then the citadel explodes#man. he would ABSOLUTELY think gordon was just fucking killed then.#and when he STILL survives... just. imagine this with me.#im ill. i am so very very ill#freehoun#half life#dimond speaks
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my hag romance murder mystery au turning to magistrate astarion working with executor shri’iia we kind of like that development
#why I never considered their past jobs kinda worked well together LOL#like she technically was her matriarch’s executor with the way she hunted people down and all#and he’d be sending rando and poor people to death for their crimes bc god knows if he was fair and had honor#in this au he does not bc he’s indebted to cazador (he’s not a vamp tho that’ll b too easy for a murder mystery)#like hag romance working together to solve the murders themselves then when they’re done they give the findings to whoever is formally in#charge of solving it then disappearing 👍 I also want a scenario where they’re both using each other for their own means as in#shri’iia needs him to take her back down the underdark bc she dk where to go but then she learns that she wasn’t supposed to survive this#mission anyway so she’s like 🧍♀️ well I’ll figure that out later#astarion wanted to either frame her or use her against cazador so he can be free and run away#mid way he changes her plans bc Uh Oh there’s Feelings Involved#either mid way or later down the line I haven’t decided yet. but whatever they do in the end kind of ‘frees’ them from both their conflicts#they end up running away together 👍 live ur best life queens#I’m also hmm stuck on what exactly astarion is indebted for like it has to be something drastic and he’d be desperate to rely on cazador#(though I’m thinking that cazador set up the whole scheme and he just got played - which parallels shri’iia getting bamboozled too)#when ur charlatans who have 8 int 🧍♀️#but basically astarion when he sentences someone instead of sending them to the gallows he sends them to cazador to be ‘reformed’ but then#they end up disappearing from the plane of existence. so he’s like trafficking people 🧍♀️ but then I’m like idk what would’ve happened for#him to do something so drastic and actually go through with doing It and multiple times Too hmm#we’re still brainstorming …
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just had the craziest experience in minecraft what the fuck was that
#sunflower rambles#and somehow i survived it all???? like i straight up never died#my brother died like 3 times instead#we found a fucking trial chamber in AN ANCIENT CITY????????#my world is fucking cursed istg. what the fuck#the dungeon was fairly easy but then we tried exploring the city and at some point triggered the warden#my brother fucking fell somewhere trying to run away and i somehow survived??? without it getting me????
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me when i write a character who is prone to dooming themself and then they run off and doom themself. core traits are stubbornness and a willingness to disregard their own humanity gET BACK HERE IM NOT DONE WITH YOU
#rambling#surprisingly this is not about jakob.. im just really consistent about my favorite character archetypes 😭😭#WARNING THE NOTES ON THIS ARE REALLY LONG I STARTED RAMBLING#“ouhh i have a headache i'll just lie down and rotate my blorbos in no general direction for a while until it goes away” and then boom.#serious plot considerations. 2 questions answered 24million new questions raised. this is specifically Not what i asked for.#so now im sitting here STILL dizzy running mental calculations on how i can get this bitch out of peril without reworking everything#but they literally keep dying in every timeline 😭😭 every single plausible road leads to them running off and screwing themself over#“character who doesn't realize they want to live until it's way too late to look back” VS#“character who is forced to live and handle the things they never though they'd survive long enough to deal with” FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.#fucking hell i have never had this much trouble writing a character as i have with them#they genuinely do just run off and do shit without my permission and then i have to pace for an hour or two wondering#“ok they wOULD do that. but should they. do i feel like i can confidently write that.”#im like constantly in this tug of war trying to get them to CHILL#but also they are absolutely my favorite character from the entire project. but like. FUCK GET BACK HERE#is death the most satisfying end to this arc? is someone who was Set on dying then NOT dying the most satisfying end to the arc?#how many bridges can you burn until you irreparably set yourself aflame too?#would ghost or revival plotline work?? would it make sense with the worldbuilding??#do i just Like Them enough to want them to not die?? where do i draw the line between personal bias and a good arc?#is death not feeling as impactful as survival solely because i've been writing for so long that it's lost the initial impact?#and other such plot considerations...#im gonna have such an easy time writing another character though 😭😭 because THAT character's dynamic in the second act#is to stare at character 1 and be like “why are you like this. i mean i know Why but can you chill. please.” and like damn bro me too#actually wait no i think kaey.a is the hardest character i've ever written i take it back#had to worry about his 20million facades AND his Actual feelings AND canon compliance. shit is hard#i still havent finished the k/aeya fic i started back when the chasm first released which is uhh. two years ago. oops.#i think i struggle writing emotionally repressed liars i think thats what this is 😭😭 anyways.#(voice of guy who has been obsessed with nonlinear narratives and tragedies for several years):#“is it too much to kill this character in a nonlinear exploration game with tragic elements”#like bitch what are you talking about 😭😭 YOU'RE the target audience here figure it out#sorry the notes on this are just my writing journal now apparently
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#oc txt.#c: hattie#c: mary ellen#hattie being able to make it back to her own vault just in time to be with her mom in her final moments is 🤕#she’s not the overconfident self assured put together person she was when she left however long ago it was#and her mother isn’t the hyper independent stoic emotionally constipated woman that didn’t even hug her before she left#her mother really did believe that this colony that had supposedly been growing since she was a girl WAS her kids’ only hope at a future#they knew for years that the vault was running out of supplies and falling apart#she was getting older and really didn’t think a future above ground was for her or her husband or the other adults that had grown up there#it was for their kids.#bc the vault wasn’t going to be able to sustain them for much longer#it’s why she pushed her kids so hard and pushed them away even harder#bc it made sending them into that world ‘easier’#she wouldn’t miss them as much and they wouldn’t miss her#sending her twins up there (her first borns) years prior was HELL#and she dreaded the day hattie was old enough to be thrust out there and even debated whether or not she’d even go through with it#so seeing her now … especially in the state hattie is in when she returns#she feels guilty but at the same time proud? because despite it she knows hattie had and HAS what it takes to survive up there#and seeing tj??? she doesn’t know if the twins made it to the colony or whether the colony was even real operating ect ect#so she’d never get to see them with her grandkids if they had any#she at least gets a slice of what could have been if things were different#it’s good that hattie gets to tell her truth of everything#it’s good that hattie gets to reconcile and be the last thing she sees before she passes#it’s all mary ellen ever wanted … to see her girls again#and in her mind if hattie made it … then she knows the other two did too#and i think for hattie she was just on the cusp of giving up and throwing in the towel#but she’s got people relying on her and she’s not a quitter … was never allowed to be#and i think by now she’d be searching for them less for herself and more for her parents#the least she can do is find out if their sacrifices (and the sacrifices of everyone else) were warranted
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just got the time to start the sunshine court and I'm Vibrating out of my skin
#i did not think it was possible for me to like a character this much three chapters into a book#i might actually end up liking Jean better than Neil which is saying a Lot#something about a character whose route to survival had to be giving in and staying small instead of fighting back or running away#something about a character who has been taught to lock up their emotions for years or suffer the consequences#something about a character who is resigned to what happens to them because that's the only way they can survive in their environment#I am desperately hoping that Jean learns how to be ANGRY outwardly without permission.#I need that boy to be able to Rage out loud and do it MESSY#because I'm not convinced he's going to be able to really smile until he does#Also I'm really appreciating both the Renee and Thea content we've desperately needed more of both of them and they showed up so quick#privately hoping both stay present for a while but tbh i'm just excited for where this is headed#Anyways I also just fixated on Jean Moreau then discovered that (SPOILERS) he's 19???? Almost the same age as me??? hate riko hate riko HAT#anyway sorry riko enjoyers i know he's Complicated but I never liked him in the first place#and this book is making me look forward to his death even more than I did when I first read aftg. So.#listen i know he has Issues. I know Ichirou killing him without a second thought is probably the cruelest way that he personally can die#I also want him dead and gone. Those statements can and should coexist imho.#the sunshine court#jean moreau#really looking forward to finding out more about Jeremy too#this is gonna be a wild ride#jeremy knox#all for the game#love how nora's writing and characters can grab me in a chokehold and refuse to let me go thank you nora for the food
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(advice appreciated + long ass tags)
this sucks this sucks this SUCKS FUCK. ive been hokeschooled / "unschooled" for the entirety of my 8th grade and school is starting again in 2 weeks and i really want and really need to be back in school but idk if im mentally at all ready. opening day would be best to go back obviously but i didn't spend anytime during summer preparing for the routine / fixing my damn sleep schedule but i really need this .
i also know its gonna SUCK because i have severe sensory processing issues (tldr my brain Cannot filter out uncomfortable noises / textures / etc andi go Fucking ballistic and melt/shutdown) and even at home im having multiple daily meltdowns / panic attacks from just the everyday noises / sensations so god forbid what it will be like around 300 teenagers who don't know personal space exists.. i also have a severe anxiety disorder / autism so itll be even MORE fun :-) yaAy (thats not factoring in PDA disorder which is made my dad drop me out anyways because its Fucking Hell trying to go to school with that)
but i want this. i need this . iwant to get an education. i wanr to be around kids my age instead of being forced to be inside all day. i want to have routine and make friends and feel normal. im just scared that because of circumstances out of my control ill never get that
#i already dont have the mental / emotional milestones appropriate for my age. like massively behind. bro i need this#having to factor in the school part of school ...#my brother in christ i don't even know how to multiply and divide#or more basic spelling (save me autocorrect)#how will i survive in a giant room full of kids my age or younger who are all objectively smarter than me while I'm always 3 seconds away#-from a panic attack#i never told my dad or teachers any of this because i don't want to be held back and forced to not be around kids my age and#waste my teenage years away#i don't want to be 15 entering back fucking 5th grade#even if im not held back i don't know at all how to interact with people. at all#autism + panic attack thing + i was never taught Any sort of masking or social interaction#not joking bout the masking part.#i envy the people who say they get invisible shutdowns in social situations and people believe they're neurotypical#because if i get even slighty overstimulated i start crying/screaming/running away on the spot#emotional regulation is like . an alien concept to me . my emotions are inherently explosive#and i KNOW im not like this medicated because i used to be on anxiety meds that would stop the panic attacks but-#one day my dad just??? decided??? to throw away all my meds without at all telling me or my psychiatrist ????#“i dont want you taking these anymore” ???? okay ?????#we weren't having any problems he just Decided he didnt want me happy anymore I Guess#anyways weird dad tangent aside#im stupid + dont know how interact + dont know how to be normal + schedule that doesn't fit =/= school#but i need to get an education to be normal ane get a job 😭😭#what do i do#advice needed#advice would be appreciated#school#school advice#sorry for the long post#~ . 🌾
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breaking news: local woman goes to the movie theater and somehow DOESN'T see the mario movie again for the millionth time? who IS she??????
#this APPEARS to be a non-mario related post but stick with me i'll bring it back around in the tags#instead i saw the japanese stage production of spirited away (subtitled) and it was absolutely lovely :) :) :)#i LOVE spirited away (makes me cry every time) and i LOVE theatre and to see how they translated so many incredible sights#from the movie to the stage was delightful#but let me tell you...the mario brainrot runs deep right now and my treacherous thoughts started taking me places#mario spirited away AU?? is that anything?? tragically separated bros fic where luigi is in the chihiro role and mario is in the haku role?#where mario saved his brother's life many years ago but lost his name and memories in the process and was corrupted by bowser's magic#and the experience was so traumatizing that luigi forgot about the other world they found together and has been told for years#that his brother simply drowned in the sewer saving him#and then as an adult luigi finds his way back into the world and has to serve bowser and fight the mushroom kingdom to survive#but at least he's being helped by a strange half-human creature who somehow knows his name without being told. at least there's that#I GOTTA PONDER ON THIS A LITTLE MORE BUT THERE IS SOMETHING HERE. I'VE GOT SOMETHING GOING ON WITH THIS#something that hasn't come up yet on this blog but is crucial to one's understanding of me: i LOVE weird AU's#i've never met a weird AU that i couldn't make work somehow. just watch me!!!#and also if you would want to see more elaboration on this let me know lol
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#tw sui ideation#the longer that im alive the more i feel like i shouldn’t be#i can never catch a fucking break#within three months i my mom dies#then i get dumped by the love of my life on my first mother’s day after her passing#and then i get diagnosed with type 1 diabetes#facsism is on the rise#our country is being run by a genocidal dementiated zionist#our choice for the next presidency is that genocidal war criminal or a somehow worse genocidal war criminal#all of our rights are being stripped away#we’re in a cost of living crisis#im not even living paycheck to paycheck#i regularly have to borrow money from my friends to survive till next payday#and that’s with all the government assistance im on#so i’m really struggling to understand why i should bother staying to find out what happens#i know my friends love me#i know people care about me#that does nothing to relieve the suffering i live through everyday#my friends loving me does not take away the fact that i’m disabled and transgender in this hellscape#and actively working a full time job#with no fucking help#do i have a little financial assistance? sure. but not nearly enough to survive#75% of my needs are not being met most of the time because i can’t fucking do it#and no one believes i’m disabled enough to need help#or they don’t care enough to help#bc all day everyday i hear how strong i am and how none of my friends could ever go through what i do#and yet whenever i ask for help i often get met with irritation or annoyance#im just so fucking tired#i can’t keep doing this#i can’t live like this forever
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Fundamentalist christians don't care if something is a lie as long as it isn't "unbiblical".
#i stopped frequentimg the church my family goes to because the pastors have been pretty relentlessly anti-science#and not in the antivax way. we've circled back to “psychology is demonic and depression is a sin” preachings.#so my aunt came talk to me out of concern because my mom is convinced i'm evil or whatever#she asked me why I wasn't coming to church so I told her “bc the pastor's always spewing some nonsense completely divorced from reality”#and she asked “but is it 'divorced from reality' or is 'unbiblical'?”#and I (frustrated and too socially exhausted to mask) asked her to point to me where in the bible it says depression is a sin#and she was all “oh we know it isn't but that's silly. are you really walking away from jesus because of that?”#to me. who had to go stay with my other aunt who lives back in my hometown#because every day I was contemplating diving headfirst from upstairs into the concrete floor#and only didn't because I thought I might survive#anyway if you're in a fundie church leave. run and never come back. they're a death cult#sprry for typos and the weird ramble I'm just going insane right now#long story short i'm looking for another congregation#christianity
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