#i will defend that gremlin with my life

[sweetpumpkinmouse]

Alright! Buckle up!

So, Femcel is kind of another word for pick-me, but I think it could also be used in an “incel-y” context, if that makes any sense.

A pick-me is a person with a butt-load of internalized misogyny and takes “I’m not like other girls” to the extreme.

Pick-me girls lean into outdated gender stereotypes to put other women down for male attention.

She projects misogyny onto others, and even herself, by putting down classically "girly" hobbies or interests.

A pick-me girl will try to differentiate herself by saying things like, "Girls are so catty. That's why I prefer hanging out with guys."

Having "masculine" interests and male friends does NOT make you a pick-me girl. It’s all in how you react around other girls.

The word “pick-me” has been a massive buzzword to the point where it (almost) lost its meaning and (funnily enough) is used to downgrade other women who are not pick-mes.

Like people who don’t wear makeup because of skin issues. “Well, you’re just a pick-me—“ NO! Look up the definition, it ain’t that hard.

Again, women who don’t express themselves in a stereotypically “feminine” way, is not the same as being a pick-me! It’s all about projection! All about how you treat other women!

Now, why do people call Uzi a “pick-me”? I don’t know, but I have theories!

Expectations. Usually female leads in “edgier” media have a “not like other girls” mentality. So maybe people just ran with calling Uzi a “pick-me” without a second thought because that’s what they are used to.

The “love triangle” in Murder Drones. To be fair it is not a love triangle, it’s a lover’s quarrel, but I digress (my nuziv bias is kicking in). People do prefer V over Uzi, and that’s fine. But it does have the bad apples who want to find any teeny tiny excuse to hate on the “other woman”. And I’m aware that this might be a stretch (it is a stretch, but I’m going put on my tin foil hat on for a second), but maybe there is no soft, “feminine” version of Uzi to lean on. V, in her manor days, was shown to be more demure, so maybe “fans” latched on to it. We don’t know who Uzi was before the events of the show. So in those bad apples’ minds, since Uzi doesn’t have that “soft” personality, she is a “bad love-interest”. Again, I’m 100% being a little conspiracy theorist, but it is something that I’ve noticed and I finally have the energy to talk about it. I don’t believe in that myself, because both Uzi and V are very well written characters in their own right. It’s just something to think about. Misogyny is great guys! /sarc*

People just don’t like Uzi and want an excuse to hate her. It’s fine if you don’t like Uzi as a character, or you hate her attitude, but trying to frame her as something she’s not just to justify your hatred is not it, buddy.

TLDR: Uzi is NOT a pick-me! She is NOT a Femcel! Look up meanings before tossing them around like candy!

God forbid teen girls do anything! Like breathing! The horror! /sarc

*I am not saying that Envy shippers are misogynists who hate Uzi and are all about that #tradwife life. Obviously not, I hope I didn’t have to make that clear. I’m more talking about the toxic fans that kind of give the ship, and therefore its shippers, a bad rep. My entire conspiracy is based on me thinking too deeply into things and wanting an outlet to talk about it.

I’m not bashing your ship, just the bad apples who just so happen to “ship” it.

Ship and let ship. We all have limited time on this Earth, and it’s best to use that time lifting each other up and not tearing anyone down.

If you are an Envy shipper, I hope you have a lovely rest of whatever time of day it is. I hope you are happy and healthy, and are doing your best. 🧡

Hey uh MD fandom I have a question regarding the Uzi hate. And I’m a bit scared of what the response will be, so guys answer this nicely and calmly please or I will delete this. (and if any of you haters comes here i will block you, sorry but this is a no hate house)

*Inhales* what is a femcel? In the context of the hate? like I’ve seen people throw that word around mainly to hate her and when i try to look it up, the results are a bit vague at best.

i know what an incel is (kinda idk ya know what at this point I feel like I’m in a another dimension) but i feel like this case is different considering Uzi‘s character is like not ether of those things?

She’s an angsty emo/goth girl who makes guns, loves anime, likes cows and wolfs, *coughs*loves N*coughs* and actually cares about her family and friends even if she tries to act like she doesn’t, and is a bit (a lot) traumatized

And i feel like i should know the meaning of the word but i don’t maybe because up until i was 18 (that was 3 years ago btw) I’ve never went much of the wider internet socials fandom’s use (like twitter, Reddit and what not) i was mainly lurking around YouTube and fanfic sites and sometimes tumblr or Instagram for most of my time on the Internet

so i think there might be some terms that are lost on me? So yeah sorry for the block of text I just wanted to give context for the reason I’m asking

Thinks to the people who decide to read this i hope you guys have a good night/day! 👋

[thatoneautisticfnaffan]

I strongly believe that Andrew wasn’t evil or even really an antagonist. He was child who was hurt by an adult and was rightfully angry at what happened in to him. He just wanted to get back at the person who made him suffer, to make him feel what he put Andrew through. He didn’t want to cause pain for anyone else, only Afton.

Look at this and then try to tell me that this isn’t just a kid who has endured pain and trauma:

"I just wanted to hurt the bad guy" makes my heart ache so much. It’s such a childlike thing to say which makes what happened to Andrew even sadder.

[deadghosy]

HAZBIN HOTEL X ALBERT/FLAMINGO! READER

prompt: after causing chaos in life is paradise, you accidentally clicked the wrong “alt” button.

Oh wow- listen…I’m in my Albert phase guys…so yeah. ANYWAYSSS-

You just got done making your Roblox video as you wanted to exit out of it. You were going for the alt + 4 button only for the alt to look red and shine into your face. The light blinding your sight made you scream as you opened your eyes to see you are in a new area.

…. “Am I in hell…” you said in a high pitch voice. You panicked out a pitch scream gaining weird looks from the sinners. You still kept your human look but as you screamed, the control panel of admins show up. You stopped screaming immediately with an “oh.” And smiled evily

After wrecking most of the pride ring, you felt tired. Seeing an advertisement on tv about a hotel that redeems sinners, you thought maybe you could do some good here. So you pulled out a keyboard and type to teleport to the said hotel

You can go into the wrath, pride, and gluttony ring. It’s pretty real as you have the wrath to destroy things when pissed off. You’re prideful that you can’t be destroyed, and you have the gluttony to eat. A lot.

I can see you just having a small flamingo demon pet following you around. Literally you would make it bite and stab people. You taught it how to do the billy bounce.

The crew most definitely thought you were schizophrenic because you talk out loud as if you were talking to someone 

BIG HEADCANNON THAT YOU HAVE ZOOMIES AROUND THE HOTEL😭

“I start stabbing, now that the lights are out?” “Albert/Reader, please no.” Charlie says holding your arms down. The power went out and you were craving blood.

You’re just a little gremlin :D

Imagine how chaotic it was to not fling someone out of the hotel for fun 😭 LMAO A SINNER FLINGING ACROSS THE WHOLE PENTAGRAM.

“I’m taking away their happiness in a good way!” You say smiling as you drag a resident away from Charlie who seems traumatized. You were like an alastor 0.2 but more happy actually.

LMAO YOU HAVING A BAN HAMMER SO WHEN A RESIDENT IS BEING AN ASSHOLE YOU JUST SLAM THE HAMMER ON THEIR HEAD WITH A “BOOP”

I can imagine you having the same physique as the og Albert. Literally one minute you look like your animal crossing character, and the next thing they know you are some buff Florida man.

“I’m going to make them regret being born.” You said as you clicked an admin that made your skin black with red eyes. The angels came towards you as your cut their heads off.

The whole cast was in shocked seeing a human like you being so powerful with just a panel no one can touch.

“Being a baby will not prevent me from shooting you.” You said jokingly as this toddler was winning uno. The mother ran away with her child as you screamed out uno.

Angel started to rant about what he does for his job and how he basically seller his soul to this moth porn demon. After he told you things what the demon does to Angel. You snapped.

“BITCH I WILL SHOOT YOU!” Yells reader as they cocked their gun. Basically the whole crew has to hold you back as Valentino is pissing himself.

Vox didn’t even know who you were until Valentino started having nightmares and random shadows in his room. (The shadows were you lol) Vox had to look you up and try to find who tf you were. You were a YouTuber. That all it showed up on his feed as he scoffs.

Husk has no opinion on you. He only knows you as that guy with a flamingo. He would sometimes side eye you while you do crazy shit. But matter of fact you two are chill.

“We have different ways of expressing ourselves..” you say to Angel trying to comfort him. “I like this way, he can’t defend himself. And I like that.” You say shooting down a sinner while in battle. Angel dust just side eyes you as if you were actually crazy.

You’re not allowed to go into turf war with him no more.

Velvette has no legit problems with you. Dead ass you and her might be fashion partners. HAVE YOU SEEN ALBERT’S DRIP ON INSTA?! That MAN IS GOOD!

You have so much wanted posters, even you brag to others at how cool you look while destroying someone’s house. All because you were bored.

Charlie is mostly worried for your mental health while Vaggie just knows that you aren’t really the most mental stable in the group.

“STOP DOING THAT! STOP CRYING! What are you a baby?!” You say while smacking away a whole imp baby that was crying beside you on the merry-go-round

Charlie’s eyes widen at what you did. You were like a man child.

I can headcannon you deadass bombed the Vees tower out of pettiness. It was just funny seeing Vox shocked to his damn boots that his home was now gone.

Lucifer made you a duck flamingo cause of how he was trying to be nice to you. He knew you wasn’t a sinner or an angel of sorts. But you were a human that he never seen before. He probably makes you some damn pancakes if you want them.

Lucifer would probably ask if you have a flamingo demon form because you told the crew that you go by flamingo and Albert. You just stood there confused to what this short man was saying. But you just nodded trying to see if you could actually turn into a flamingo.

Headcannon on you just actually helping around by just replacing and changing furniture. You help Charlie with trust exercises as the resident are just confuse at a human being here.

“WHO needs powers, when you have a gun!” You yell excited pulling out a gun from your admin control. You shot downa sinner who was trying to fight you. Alastor just doesn’t see why how your “guns” are more powerful. They don’t even have angelic metal.

Carmilla carmine had seen how you legit shot an angel down with a simple looking gun. It was insane but amazing. She definitely called you down to her place so she can see what your bullets are made out of.

Imagine how you basically see people’s/sinner’s names as if it was a name tag aka username. You would go around saying their name out loud as they look at you scared and crazy. “Hello Hakka!” “How you know my name?!!!!” 😕

Rosie adores you, you may be man child that’s like a gremlin. But you are so sweet and helping. Alastor made you meet her and honestly, it was a great meet and greet. Honestly 10/10.

Headcannon on you and Niffty both killing bugs together. You use your ban gun as Niffty uses a sewing needle. This sweet girl made you a big crown, you better appreciate it.

Alastor had messed with your food making you pissed off. It was the end of the day and you hadn’t eat anything due to not taking care of yourself much. So your reaction was justified when you see alastor’s grins widening.

“I hope you choke on your next meal.” You say as your voice had suddenly boomed across the hotel. It was like as if your mic boosted it, but you don’t have one.

You and Alastor have like a sibling relationship as you two just want to watch people suffer. Literally it’s funny as hell when it’s that one Xbox meme.😭

“MOM SAYS ITS MY TURN TO CAUSE SUFFERING!” You say trying to get over Alastor’s tall body as he causes chaos in the pentagram city.

Sir Pentious didn’t like you at all. Like he was actually scared at his crazy and psychotic you are at times. But when he saw how calm and laid back you actually were. He actually started to warm up close to you. 

The egg boiz follow you around asking if your pet flamingo could play with them. It was so cute as they play with your pet flamingo.

Cherri absolutely loves you and your destructive behavior. Literally you two are a deadly duo cause you would give her some of your admin powers and take it back.

You once actually set up a limb store, literally you were getting that money✨😈 you had chopped off so much limbs got your deer customers.

I can see you actually taking people’s souls lol. You just take souls for fun and not for contract which leaves some overlords confused and scared of your powers.

Heaven would be scared of you personally. Like you are such a menace, sera sent your ass back to hell. Your human appearance was still the same tho lol.

Adam and you, beef on sight. “Why do you even have that pink bird? What are you, ret@rded?” “No but your mother is.” You said back while flipping him off.

Sera doesn’t like you. Your chaotic energy and your “evil” doing are not prohibited in paradise. She might tell Big G about how a human is in hell in perfect condition.

Emily heard about your presence by sera, she wanted to meet you but then again. You are back in hell. But she hopes to meet you one day.

See, me personally you would rob a bank for fun and then give it to some homeless imps in the wrath ring. It’s just you doing random shit while bored.

I can imagine you turning someone into the hulk. You deadass have so much power that it’s concerning and crazy for the hotel crew and rest of hell. You have alot of powers and you can turn people into some green buff human?!?

[theysaidhush]

Pick Me

➝ YouCan'tSeeItButIt'sThere!OT8 x 9thMember!Reader, 00's line x Reader ➝ You and the 00's try to discuss who's the most 'pick me' in the group. ➝ crack?, suggestive ➝ wc. 1k

It started off like a joke, really. You were just joking around, enjoying the company, when the topic of 'pick me' came around. To be honest, you weren't one to make fun of others. After all, you do not know what's happening in someone's life. Maybe they are just craving attention - which they obviously are, and they don't know how to voice it. So you just smiled and nodded whenever your opinion was needed.

Jisung was probably the most passionate one in this discussion, shaking his arms and rising his voice whenever someone pointed out that he was the most likely to be a pick me - in your group of friend, that is. But it was a real blast to make fun of him and tease him for his small quirks and habits.

"Hey! Why aren't you defending your bestie!" he turned towards you, eyebrows furrowed and fists tighten in a deadly grip around Hyunjin forearms. Was he trying to fight the taller boy? Maybe, and you weren't going to help him, or else the both of you would end up on your ass if Hyunjin calls Chan.

"Who? Me? Nah, I don't have any bestie, sorry."

The look of pure betrayal on the boy's face was one that you saw on a daily basis. In fact, Jisung was probably one of the only person who could compete against Hyunjin for the title 'who's-the-most-dramatic'. So you just laughed behind your sleeve and watched your self-proclaimed ex-bestie getting his ass beaten by Hyunjin - serves him right, no bestie would want his friend to get whooped.

"See? Starting a fight and then yapping and calling for help, he definitely is the 'pick me' of our group!"

"I'm a babygirl, that's different!"

"Said who?"

Felix's voice was trembling just as much as the accusatory finger pointed at his soul-twin. The accusation did not feel like one coming from his mouth, yet Jisung gasped - you feared he was going to choke on his saliva.

"How dare you!"

How dare he, in fact, when he was second on the podium of 'pick me'. If the way he looks at you meant something, he definitely knew that, and he was hoping that his involvement in this conversation would fade and disappear just like Jisung's ego when he yelped like a ten years old girl as Hyunjin kicked his ankles - so much for going to the gym with 3Racha.

Felix's bright smile was enough to wipe your memory. Did he just threw his friend to the wolf? Who, Felix? No, look at that smile of his, he could never. But, then, you started to doubt it. Would he have done the same if you were in Jisung's situation? Would he have pointed at you with his small finger and pursued lips? You squinted your eyes, looking at his. He just looked back at you, smiling even more brightly. No, Felix can't do that, you're just being dramatic.

As if sensing your - humoristic - internal debate, he puffed his cheeks and made grabby hands towards you, inviting you into his warm embrace.

"Look at him! Look at! That Gremlin is trying to steal my girl while I'm being killed by this atrocious human being!"

"Oi, she was my girl first?"

Well, you had nothing to say, Felix was kinda right. You ignored your Quokka's plead and crawled your way into the Australian's arms and sighed as you snuggled in his chest. His warmth could save you in the coldest night, he lived up to his nickname. His hug was so soft that you did not notice his roaming hands slowly making their way toward your chest.

"Put on a show, we'll put ours."

"I wanna join, it's unfair!"

"Don't mind him, he's just trying to save his ass. Moron."

Oh, the opportunity was too great to pass upon. You were going to kill two birds with one stone. So you clumsily got up on your feet - almost stepping on Felix's hard on while doing so, and everyone turned towards you. Well, Jisung tried, being in a headlock quite prevent him from doing so. And then it was your turn to point an accusatory finger at someone in the room. Hyunjin.

"I'm gonna tell Chan you said that!"

Oh dear. You might have overestimated your capacities. You really thought that being on your feet while Hyunjin was on the floor would do you good. You really thought that you could be faster than someone like him, someone whose reflexes were otherworldly. And you could have succeeded! If it weren't for Seungmin. Kim fucking SeungMin. That traitor. Let alone the fact that Hyunjin's quick hand caught your ankle, making you fall miserably on the ground as he climbed over your body and sat on the back of your thighs, his hand muffling your pleas. But what happened? Seungmin wasn't even in the room!

While you were having a chat with the twin sunshine and your favorite Picasso in a bedroom, the other members were just minding their own business in other parts of the apartment. So you did not expected Seungmin, of all people, to stand in the doorframe - Chan send him to tell you to quiet. What is he? A little brother who has to do his older brother's chores? Spoiler alert: yes, he is. But thankfully, what he found in yours and Felix's shared bedroom was really entertaining - Jisung in a headlock was always entertaining. So he just watched chaos unfold. He heard Hyunjin say ass and moron, watched you get on your feet, ready to snitch on him in order to save your little, poor and hopeless boyfriend, only to watch your face fall when he smirked at you and shut the door on your face.

Seungmin might have heard a muffled scream coming from behind the door. He might have heard Felix praying for your soul and Jisung get his ass whooped a second time. He might have heard something crash and then the bed creak. But he only smirked and headed towards the kitchen. Any other day he wouldn't have missed on the opportunity of watching Hyunjin get scolded by Chan, or watch you being ruined because of your 'bad behavior'. But he was still salty because of what happened a few minutes ago. Seriously, who sends him, a grown ass man, to tell dumb dumber dumbest and dumberest to shut up?

[shiningstarr15]

SCREEEEEEEEECHHHHHH 🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅

Im definitely normal and not at all autistic about them 😬🫡

grgegory andn vanessaaaa...,..,....

[unabashednightmarepizza]

𝑆ℎ𝑎𝑑𝑜𝑤 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐵𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝐶ℎ𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑙𝑒𝑠

Summary: Being the director and also a single mum of 462818 people at the same time, being shown in Y/N. Y/L/N's newest Instagram post with some special guest

A/N: I really enjoy making these Instagram AU posts, and you will see my inner gremlin appearing lol and İ'll make a second and even third part for it!

Liked by benbarnes, jacktwolfe, aarontaylorjohnson and 5,897,476 others

Y/N Y/L/N: Did they force me to take them on a train ride? Yes. Did I loose a bet? Also yes. So, as a result, I'm broke now. Please start a campaign and funds.🤭🤗

Also, don't let Jack's innocence fool you, that man is a real life Wylan and is a menace to society. He ate 15 burgers. Fuck you 🖕😑

View 623,325 comments

User1: I love how Y/n is the sugar mommy of the cast djskdjsj

User2: The way she is trully the mom apart from being the director. They are like a family 🥰

Y/N: A family that uses me... Cruel, cruel kids. Look at their smiles! They know what they are doing 🥲

freddycarter1: you made us walk under extreme hot weather and left us to die in a desert! It's only fair 😌

Y/N: Shut up Kazzle Dazzle, and eat your burger! And I gave you umbrellas, ıt's enough.

Sab.Memes: Jack ate 15 burgers?! *Chokes on water* HOW CAN HE DO THAT?!

User4: I feel bad for Y/N, she earns money through them and still spend it for them 😂

Y/NFanforever23: She knows guys, she know the power the fans have!

Y/N: I watched people start campaign and cancelling celebrities, ending their whole life. FAN SUPREMACY IS THE ONLY TRUE POWER!! 🫡

Liked by benbarnes, shadowandbone, freddycarter1 and 3,789,968 others

Y/N Y/L/N: Here is a warning: I'm everywhere and I see all of you... Please keep doing God's work by making memes🤭

1. There is a reason why I chose Ben as Darkling, only one reason: He is the ultimate CEO of puppy eyes... A good way to manipulate people because I fell for it. And Leigh and I fought very hard for them to accept him already.

2. Apart from the fact that he killed innocents, manipulated kids and offered one to the Royal family, used many people and created the Fold alonsgide other War crimes... It seems my job is over *drops the mic and leaves the stage to go and write the New script,crying*

3. Real applause for Alina because I would have folded and accepted immediately.

P.S: Ben is getting ready to defend Darkling in his Insta story while avoiding me... And laying over my lap and making me play with his hair.

View 456,982 comments

kittheyounger: When exactly are you going to stop sharing memes of us?

Y/N: Never? You should be grateful I'm not sharing every one of your's fetus photos and the ones I took to blackmail you later :)

archierenaux3: Couldn't be me hehe

Y/N: Keep living in your dreams :) @archierenaux3

User7: She is so real for the third slide 🤣

User9: Ben is so babygirl for her I can't-

User3: The way Y/N just terrorizes the entire cast with those childhood photos is too funny to me 😂

User6: That's some Queen behaviour... another day another slay from Y/N 💯

User1: She is known to have a talent for taking photos when no one sees and notices her so... For all we know, she could take photos of us and we still wouldn't know.

User5: And she only annoys the male cast members... 😌🤔I wonder why she doesn't do the same with others?

Y/N: They are my little babies and precious wives, they could do no wrong 🥰

Benbarnes: Talk about favouritism... And I'm her boyfriend.

Y/N: And they are my wives, so? 🤗

Liked by benbarnes, tchalamet, lilyjcollins, kit.connor and 6,243,125 others

Y/N Y/L/N: Oh, the amount of chaos here... *Sips wine* 🤭🍷

P.S: He came to me crying and asking what was wrong with the fans... I said he was so hot for his own good and now, he refuses to meet my eye because he blushes too much... Sir, you are 41 not 15! Either way, what a cutie 😌🤭

View 746,923 comments

benbarnes: you promised to not share these!

Y/N: Haven't you learnt nothing is safe with me?

BenandY/N.mommy: I CANT- Y/N IS FEEDING US AND I LIVE FOR IT

User5: Poor Shadow Daddy... Show us more.🫣

User3: The cast once said that Ben blushes the most when Y/N is near or the one who compliments him... My heart can't take it!

User6: I want what they have! ❤️

User3: They both had become so good to each other, especially Y/N... Seeing my baby happy makes me cry tears of joy 🥹

User6: I hope they will get married already! We need little Y/L/N- Barnes in our lives 🥲

User4: When can I get a Y/N or Ben in my life?

User2: And just like that, I'm scared for what's waiting for us and Matthias in SaB season 3...

User1: ıf people doesn't know... Y/N is very good at drama and slicing our hearts and squeezing it painfully with her emotional scenes and talent for shooting those scenes just... Diferrently.

User3: We are doomed... Like girl, who hurt you that much?

Y/N: Trauma, tears, sadness and more trauma are what's waiting for yall probably... Sorry🫣 And I love watching and reading heartwrenching things in general, no one hurt me so don't come at Ben😄😇

benbarnes: Thanks love... Your fans scare me...

User1: Suddenly, ıt's a need to see Kaz and Monopoly together

Y/N: You wouldn't want that... Freddie gets too absorbed in his character and we thought it was a good idea to do this... It didn't turn out well

User5: The way Ben is scared of Y/N's fanbase is very funny... *Evil laugh* Sir, you are dating our girl, millions are after your ass as soon as we see a tear on her pretty face 🙎🔪

Liked by benbarnes, kittheyounger, amitasuman_, freddycarter1 and 10,895,675 others

Y/N Y/L/N: This cast had become my everything, all these amazing people changed me in the best way possible and I'm grateful to have met them. I'm known to always share funny things but today, I wanted to show my love and appreciation. I'm thankful for accepting the offer to direct and also take a role in this amazing job. Thank you for inspiring me to be a better version of myself, thank you for changing my life for the better and thank you for trusting me. shadowandbone :)

Thank you for the backstage workers who always gossipped with me and did their very best and made me fangirl at their job

Thank you for convincing me and holding a gun to my temple to accept this job and also writing this amazing book universe @lbardugo 🫡❤️ I'm hoping to talk to you soon again!

But the biggest thank you is for my dear boyfriend @BenBarnes. Thank you for always supporting me and loving me. Thank you for holding me when I needed, trusting me when I didn't and lifting me up with your dad jokes and thank you for being you. I'm the most grateful for you, and that won't change. I love you and your goofy personality even though you ate my last cookie 🥲❤️

Oh and a final note? These people and these pictures? Let the Fold take me :) shadowandbone

shadowandbone: A toast for the best director ever! We are glad to have someone like you! And there is no way out of the Fold :)

User6: The way she always includes everyone, down until the very last person in backstage is... Her heart is so amazing and her soul is so pure🥹

User2: You just know that they all love her so much.. Thank you for accepting and thank you for bringing our dream book to life Y/N 🥹

lbardugo: I wouldn't want anyone except you to this! You have so much potential and I was at ease knowing that the show was in good hands... Love you so much and İ'll eagerly wait for your other projects 🥹🥰 And I'm waiting for that meeting to, love! Just don't forget to spend time with Ben, he sulks like a puppy later 😂

Y/N: Thank you so much... OMG I'm crying at all the sweet messages now but you can be sure I'll spend all my time with him!

amitasuman_: We love you, Y/N! You are the best and thank you for always making sure we were fine and comfortable! Now, I'm off to cry🥹

Jessie_mei_li: Thank you for being you! I wouldn't have gotten a bestfriend like you if you hadn't accept!❤️ Thank you for assembling all of us, Queen of Fantasy!

freddycarter1: and also accidently adopt all of us in some ways...

User5: the whole Shadow and Bone cast looking at their director with heart eyes are making me jdkshdqkvwu🥰💞❤️😍🥺

User4: YEAH, THEY ARE SO LOVELY WITH EACH OTHER! BUT! Have you seen how Ben looks at her? I have been manifesting a man like hım over a decade now...

User1: Do you think she saw that fifth slide on Ben's Insta??

User4: Definetly! I wonder what her reaction was like...

Y/N: I was a Darklina hater my whole life until Jessie and Ben ruined it for me and made me just turn a blind eye... I regret making them shoot that scene but also not.

User2: OMG SHE ANSWERED

User1: she always does, another reason to live, laugh and love Y/N. Hı, Y/N!

Y/N: Hi, love! And btw yes, that video woke something in me... Which payed off iykyk 🤭

User6: when I learnt the whole cast, mainly Ben, was begging her to make a Marauders series is just... Wow... I hope she does that, she is the only one who could pull that!

User1: Remember when she said she would break the Net when the time comes? Might be it, who knows?🤔

User3: She also said she wasn't letting any of the cast go like that and had plans for every one of them... And that they were her slaves and had to do anything she told them lol

User4: People trust her with book adaptation because she always stays loyal to it, while also adding something from herself. It's normal everyone wants her to work on every book adaptation possible

User2: I wonder who she prefers the most: Kaz or Darkling?🤔

User5: Ben is her boyfriend so I think she would say Darkling because he would pout otherwise

User6: But she also said she often giggled and blushed while reading Kaz's point of view and specifically begged Freddy to audition

Y/N: The true question is: Are you a fan of terrifying blue eyes or deep, empty black eyes?

benbarnes: I'm forever lucky and grateful to have met you and be your boyfriend. I can never be proud enough of you since you have a habit of always exceeding yourself. I'll always be by your side through thick and thin, just as you do every day. You are my beautiful and succesfull girlfriend, my rock when I need you, my bestfriend when I need a good laugh and my other half and there is no enough words to explain my feelings but I'll stick to this one: I love you always. liked by Y/N Y/L/N

User1: And that's how you get away with eating a lady's last cookie 😂

User3: I'm not crying ıt's just their love in my eyes that stings 🥹

User5: I swear there is nothing I want more than see them getting married 😭

[bunny-lily]

Tether Me - Chapter 3

Pairing(s): Geto/Gojo/Reader Summary: Your soul housed a violent anathema whose sole purpose was to torment you with the notion that nowhere is safe. You can’t stay here, you can’t stay there, you can’t stay anywhere.

It reminded you of that one immortal snail hypothetical. No matter where you went, it would always follow you.

If that was the case, then, where was that feeling now?

The bickering boys in front of you, the idyllic mountains that curtained the shallow canyon, this cozy home and the terrifying one you owned – why didn’t they spur that fight-or-flight instinct in you? What was different about Japan, about this location?

Why did breathing feel so easy?

…How long would this sovranty last? CW: No y/n | polyamory | slow burn | slice of life | alt au - no curses | fluff | light angst | eventual smut | forgive me, there's internal monologues | I like using big words... | Gojo & Geto are whipped for you | emotionally constipated reader | (most of the tags have been condensed, you can find the full list on my ao3 here)

AN: Additional tag warnings: suggestive content, smut, masturbation, degrading names/language to self. There is 1 (one) mention of reader being mildly interested in nutrition facts. Just a small warning. It's very, very brief, but I figured I'd better be safe.

Ch: Prologue | Ch: 1 | Ch: 2 | Ch: 3 | Ch: 4 | Ch: 5 - 1 | Ch: 5 - 2

WC: 14.7k

“Whatcha makin’?” Satoru grilled you. Again. 

He was relaxing on his forearms on the kitchen island, right leg bouncing on the circular step of the barstool, having pestered you for the nth time in the last 20 minutes alone.

You ignored him, focusing on whipping the egg whites, occasionally sprinkling more of the sugar you set aside into the mix. He had an electric mixer, one of those super pricey ones, too, but you preferred doing it by hand. Your entire arm was killing you, but you had better control like this. 

You also just didn’t know how to operate the electric mixer.

You were pleasantly surprised to find that he already had all the ingredients you needed – ‘Ijichi tries to bake sometimes. He chars the cookies every time, though.’ – so a trip to Granny’s shop was spared. As was the trip to the bakery, that was pushed aside for another day.

Satoru’s and Suguru’s eyes were needling into your back, way too intense and nerve-wracking for comfort for such a menial task. You weren’t expecting them to both want to watch you fulfill your promise to make something for the former. 

You also weren’t anticipating the latter’s presence, the added weight of his appearance making your wrist shake, and it wasn’t from exerting yourself with the egg whites.

“You could just use the stand mixer,” Gojo informed you.

He reminded you of an impatient bee; buzzing around you, epicurious about anything sweet, and a bit annoying. Otherwise harmless, so long as you didn’t try to steal said sweets.

“Yes, I know, thank you,” you replied flatly. “I prefer whisking by hand, though.”

“Why? That just seems tiring.”

It was, but you weren’t about to tell him that. “It’s easier for me to discern the stiffness of the peaks this way.”

“But it takes so long,” he complained, then added an extra few choice words under a whisper. “I’ll make your peaks stiff…”

Suguru chimed in. “Be patient, Satoru. Baking takes time, you can’t rush the process.”

You were quick to become very appreciative of that man. He was the real angel on your shoulder, supporting you and defending you from his best friend’s complete and utter gremlin chaos.

“But it takes so loooong,” the aforementioned gremlin whined louder. 

Suguru groaned quietly and extended an apologetic smile to you when you pivoted to look at them. Satoru had his head laid down on the counter, nose smushed and stupidly long arms stretched out across the surface. You ruffled his hair as you passed him to grab the baking tray and paper he found for you earlier. 

He tilted his head enough to show you a closed-eye mien of happiness, lips curled like the Chesire cat’s. He really did remind you of a feline a lot of the time, he downright purred when you ran your fingers through his enviously soft tresses.

Shit. You wanted to touch them again.

You retrieved the tray and strutted back to your bowl of semi-prepared batter. “Do you want me to tell you what I’m making now, or do you want it to be a surprise?”

His head popped up. “Now! Wait– no, no, surprise! Oh, wait, no, hang on,” he rambled, warring with indecision. 

Suguru met your gaze and stood up from the stool he’d picked out, coming to stand beside you and bending so you were face-to-face. “I’d like to know now, if you’re willing to divulge,” he pointed at himself, the corners of his lips tugging upwards.

You made a show of deliberating his request, pressing the side of your index finger against your bottom lip as you tapped your toe and furrowed your brow. Your eyes sparkled as you beckoned him closer with your hand, choosing to heed his request, and motioned for him to turn his head to the side. 

Having him this close to you was making your heart flutter like a canary behind the protective bars of its cage, chirping and tweeting. The warmth of his skin radiated in pleasant waves towards you, and the notes of his aura grazed against your cheeks once more; warm chai on a mellow night.

This was dangerous, yet you craved more.

You noticed the gauges in his lobes as he did so, appreciating the disks of deep blue as you leaned closer and cupped your hand around his ear, whispering into it.

He rose back up with an approving nod. “Oh, he’ll like those. Keep it a secret.”

“What!?” Satoru cried out, rounding the island sharply and closing the distance between you in two steps. “That’s cruel! You can’t just tell him, then not tell me!”

You patted his chest and lightly bumped him out of the way with your hip. “Sorry, it’s two-to-one. You’ll have to be patient to find out. I don’t think it’ll be hard for you to guess, anyway.”

“Is it too late to kick you out?”

“Yes,” Suguru answered in your stead. “She’s baking something for you, she gets to bully you a little in return.”

“Thank you, Geto-san,” you bowed exaggeratedly to him, then began folding the batter and adding drops of food coloring to it.

Satoru sulked. “She doesn’t bully me a little, she bullies me a lot.” 

The kokushoku-haired boy clapped his hand on the other’s shoulder. “It’s good for you. Character growth, it’ll teach you some humility.”

“Oi! Who’s side are you on, anyway?” He accused him with a pointed finger pressing into his chest.

Suguru raised his hands by his shoulders in mock surrender, a shit-eating grin pinching his cheeks. “Hey, I’m just the mediator here.”

“‘Mediator’ my ass. You’re just defending her because she’s making cookies–”

“Not cookies,” you and Suguru corrected in sync.

“–or some shit.”

You rolled your eyes, muffling a laugh against the back of your hand while you scooped the batter into a piping bag. You’d have to replace it later and leave an apology note for Ijichi. Not that they were used much, from what you could tell. Once the bag was full, you twisted the top shut and snipped the bottom to let the round tip free, fighting to not make any terribly tasteless dick jokes in the process.

You couldn’t do that in polite company.

Polite company was Geto.

Satoru and Suguru bickered back and forth behind you as you concentrated on piping facile, even circles onto the baking sheet. That was the hardest part for you, getting them to be symmetrical. You had to flaunt your skill. You had an audience of two stupidly attractive men awaiting your results.

You released the breath you were holding when you finished the last row, smug that they were all perfect. You set aside the nearly empty plastic bag and lifted the tray an inch off the counter and dropped it a few times, shaking loose any bubbles.

Whooh, the majority of your work was done now.

The tray got pushed aside to let the batter rest while you cleaned up your station of a few things. “Satoru.”

“And you– ah?” He answered, pulled out of his boyish spat. “What?”

“French, American, Swiss, or Italian?”

“Uh…” He gave you a flat, confused squint while you and Suguru waited for his decision. “American…?”

“Good choice,” you nodded, relieved you wouldn’t need to do any more heavy lifting. For this, you could use the stand mixer. After you figured it out, that is, but you had plenty of time to do that now.

Except for the fact that it was on top of the fridge.

For some fucking reason.

You planted your hands on your hips, staring up at it angrily.

Your mother and father both just had to be short. What a cruel joke the universe has played on you, putting you in a house designed specifically around a tall freak and his freakishly tall family. You hadn’t seen his folks, but it was easy to assume, given the door frame heights. RNG could only get you so far if the right genes didn’t run in your family.

Gritting your teeth, you stepped closer to the fridge, placed one hand on the front side that didn’t have the ridiculous LED touchscreen panel on it, then jumped on your toes, trying to reach the object.

Your fingers could only ever barely graze the base of it, no matter how hard you tried. Shit. Alright, plan B.

You twirled around to face the now silent pair that were observing you with amused, wry smickers, clearly entertained by your struggle.

Oh.

Your plan B was to grab a chair from the dining table to use as a stool, but somehow that felt more humiliating than plan C.

“Help,” you requested with faux meekness. “Please.”

“Help with what?” Suguru drawled with a coy lilt. “Use your words, angel.”

You pressed your lips together to stave off the flood of lewd hormones that threatened to drown you under their heady waves. He really meant it when he said he was going to use that nickname, and you were struggling.

“Please, help me get the thing down from the fridge.”

“What thing?” Satoru goaded you. “Be more specific.”

Plan B was looking to be a lot more viable now. What was a bit of your pride worth, anyway?

Your nostrils flared and you forced your blood to cool. “The stand mixer. I…can’t reach it.”

“We can see that,” he confirmed as he approached you, hands casually stuffed in his pockets. “You are pretty short.”

Your tongue started moving before your brain could register, let alone approve of, just what you were mouthing under your breath. “Yeah, well, why don’t you put some inches in me…”

Your eyes widened and you slapped your hand over your mouth, watching in mortification as his surprise morphed into absolutely elated revelry. 

“What was that, princess?” He took a step forward, you took one back, one more from him, one more from you, all the way until he had cowed you against the far counter, his hands trapping you in on either side. “Wanna say that again?”

“N-No! I said nothing!”

“Didn’t sound like nothing to me,” he lolled his head to the side, peering down at you through those cetacean lenses.

Are his eyes gray? You questioned silently as you attempted and failed to process how you got yourself into this position, all of it coming so fast. They’re so light. His glasses make them look blue.

“Oh?” Suguru voiced as he came to stand beside you two, bending to have his face in your line of sight, further causing you to shrink. “What’d she say?”

Satoru chuckled darkly, making chills shoot up your back and heat pool deep in your belly and high on your cheeks. “Correct me if I’m wrong, princess, but I do believe she told me to ‘put some inches in her’.”

Your face felt like it was fluxing off. Sweat formed at your hairline, your arms shook as you gripped the counter behind you for dear life, you were dying. 

“Is that so?” Geto spoke in a hush. “Didn’t know this one had such a mouth on her. I think I know how to put it to better use to keep her from talking back…”

That’s it. You died. You were dead, right? There was no other possible, reasonable, believable explanation for how you got yourself stuck in this situation, pinned in place by a set of large hands and the striking stares of two illogically beautiful men who were just eating you alive.

“I–” you stammered. Forget speaking, you were straining to so much as breathe normally.

“Got nothin’ more to say, mochi?” The platinum boy whispered into your ear, hot breath brushing against sensitive skin and making you jolt. “Done bein’ a brat?”

You gaped at them with round, unblinking eyes, flickering back and forth between the two as they played Judge, Jury, and Executioner on your innocence – or lack thereof. You gulped with some difficulty, stunned into silence when Satoru cupped your cheek with a big, warm palm.

He’s touching me, oh, gods, what’s he doing, why is he getting closer–?

He swiped his thumb over the curve of your cheekbone, just under your eye, and pulled back only enough to show a smear of pink along the digit without moving an inch away from you. Batter – a spot must have gotten onto your face without you noticing. 

While maintaining direct eye contact, he stuck his tongue out and salaciously pressed his finger onto it, sliding it down to spread the mixture onto the length of it, ensuring you witnessed every. Single. Micro. Movement. He closed his mouth, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he visibly swallowed, then his lips spread into an equally satyric smirk.

“I knew you’d taste sweet,” he purred and stepped back, leaving you disconcerted and dazed as he walked off like nothing happened, sitting back down at the island and picking up a conversation with Suguru.

You hadn’t even seen the other one move, let alone get the stand mixer down from the fridge and place it on the center of the marble countertop while they chatted about something you couldn’t hear past the shrill ringing in your ears and the deafening pumping of the stupid organ in your chest that refused to shut the hell up.

Time seemed nonexistent and all too pervasive as you took long seconds – or minutes? – to come back to yourself. Forgetting how to operate was a bizarre sensation, motor skills shot down as you went through a system reset.

You numbly gathered all the ingredients you needed, laying them out in a neat line that you, in full honesty, should not have been able to create with the way your hands vibrated. The boys seemed none the wiser to your plight, and you were thanking whatever remaining lucky stars you had that they weren’t pointing out what a fucking mess they turned you into in the span of less than a minute.

Buttercream.

Make the buttercream.

You’re fiiiiine, all good, mhm. Not like you had your entire spirit gashed right out your body by the primes of godliness across from you or anything, nope. You were a fully functioning, intelligent, strong, capable woman that wasn’t losing her absolute fucking shit.

You swear you heard laughter that distinctly resembled your mother’s, letting you know you were on your own with this one.

Traitor.

Willing your body to calm the hell down, you plugged in the mixer, messed around with it a bit, and got to making the filling for the macarons. You threw in the butter, watching it get tossed and beaten around until it succumbed to the paddle and became creamy and smooth.

Watching butter get pounded into submission was inherently satisfying to you, scratching some itch deep in the back of your skull.

You wondered what that said about you.

You glanced up at the boys and pinched your brows together. You shouldn’t think about potential kinks in front of them. For all you knew, they could read your mind. Best not to risk it, you could save that subject for later in solitude.

Or just stuff it in the ‘Problems to Deal With Later’ box you hid under your metaphorical bed with the rest of your dilemmas, never to be seen again. Whichever came first.

Vanilla extract…powdered sugar…sloooowly, now.

‘Slowly, now,’ he whispered in your ear and oh god oh fuck, you were fantasizing, nope, stop it, bad, fuck.

You bit the inside of your cheek hard, flinching at the pain. Phew, it brought you out of your imagination. You shamed your pussy for being a mindless whore. She couldn’t just wait until you were alone, huh? Had to humiliate you in front of the most unbearably sexy men you’ve ever seen?

Why am I like this.

“All good?”

You jumped with a startled squeak and saw Suguru inspecting you with a curious tilt and a knowing glint.

Crap, could he actually read your mind?

“Uh– yep! All good!” You affirmed a smidge too quickly and cleared your throat to drive away the squeaky chipmunk in your gullet.

Who needed lucky stars, anyway?

Satoru jutted his chin towards the counter behind you, where you left the tray. “Why didn’t you put it in the oven?”

Oh, sacred distractions, how you loved them.

“The batter needs to sit for a bit,” you told him. “Needs to form a layer around the outside called a skin. A little bit like a crust.”

“Cookies with a crust?”

“Not cookies,” you and Suguru corrected a second time, then you proceeded. “It’s to prevent the shell from cracking.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t guessed what it is she’s making yet,” Suguru commented, resting his temple against his fist. “You’re, like, the pastry expert here.”

You both watched as the gears visibly turned in Satoru’s head. He alternated between inspecting you, the mixer filled with now finished filling, and the untouched tray. He squinted, and then a lightbulb went over his head.

“Macarons!” He exclaimed, shooting upright with his Colgate teeth on display. “You’re making macarons!”

You cheered and clapped for him. “Hey, he got it! Good job!”

The boy lifted his chin and puffed out his chest like a proud peacock. “That explains why it’s taking so long.”

You deflated with a groan and rolled your eyes. “I find it hard to believe you’ll die just because you have to wait a couple hours.”

“Couple hours!?” He nearly shrieked.

“Is he always like this, Geto-san?”

Suguru was exceptionally entertained, you could practically feel it in his gaze and oh, shit, I know that look. “Only when he has a cute girl baking for him.”

Goddamnit.

Sly, accursed fox. 

You really should stop talking, you just kept getting yourself into shit like this, where you had Olympian gods flirting with you and you couldn’t tell if they were being genuine or patronizing. Either way, it wasn’t good for your poor little core, nor your other core. Y’know, the messy one between your thighs that liked to cause you a lot of trouble. You weren’t sure where it got the audacity from.

Seditious bitch.

Okay, so, dodging them wasn’t working. What about playing into their games?

“Hmm, you know, I only agreed to do this because you asked,” you tapped your chin, speaking in a false trill.

Both tunneled in on you. 

Ah, this was bad. Worse than willful ignorance.

“Which one of us, mochi?” Satoru queried. He acted so kind, so curious, but you could hear the underlying warning in his tone. Be careful how you answer.

“Can’t it be both?”

Air rumbled low in Suguru’s throat, danger flashed in Satoru’s eyes behind those filtered glasses, and you knew you were boned. And not the good kind of boned.

Mama, I’m doomed.

“Careful there” Suguru hissed, steepling his fingers and hiding his mouth behind them, as if fighting to maintain control of himself. “You’re playing with fire.”

You never were the biggest fan of things that were too hot. Blistering summers without a wind to balm your sere skin, campfires that only ever blew sticky smoke in your direction, tea too piping to sip at when you were parched.

But these boys, who had flames crackling and sparking in the bottomless pits of their pupils? You’d happily let them reduce you to ash. 

“I like the heat,” you whispered and stuck your tongue out at them, then pulled off a switch in personality you, frankly, were not aware you were capable of. You went right back to being polite and well-mannered as you disconnected the paddle attachment for the standmixer, scraped off any buttercream stuck to it with a Maryse spatula back into the bowl, and stuck the bowl into the fridge to chill.

You heard Satoru curse as close to silently as he could, Suguru’s teeth audibly clenched, and you knew they were both trying to dare you to do something like that again by burning you with their glares. You paid them no mind – on the outside, at least. 

Your insides, on the other hand, were a tangled disaster of nerves.

One part of you was questioning where you got the gall, the courage, the bravura, another was having a breakdown from your momentary valor evaporating, leaving you questioning what in the finest shite you were thinking. Oh, and, yes, how could you forget the part of you that was busy waterboarding your panties with far too much slick for it to be normal?

For fuck’s sake, all they did was say a few coy words, and it got you this heady? How far you’ve fallen. Tragic.

Fighting against needing to shift your shorts into a more comfortable position (which would be one hell of an ask since there wasn’t a spot untouched by your dew), you instead very feebly tapped a circle of batter on the tray with the tip of your finger, testing the shell strength. Thankfully, it seemed they were good to go, as none of the batter stuck to your pointer.

Satoru celebrated when he spotted you moving the tray to the clearly incredibly expensive (preheated) oven in his house. You slid it onto the rack, shut the door, and began fiddling with the settings until–

“Ah,” you clapped your fingers against the heel of your opposite hand, congratulating yourself for figuring out the timer. “15 minutes!” 

“Finally!” Satoru exclaimed.

“Don’t get too excited yet, space cowboy,” you shut him down. “They’ll need to cool after that, and I’ll have to put in the filling next. Then they’ll be ready.”

He wailed and flattened his upper body across the island. “Whyyyyy?”

“It’ll feel like less time if we do something to distract you,” Suguru patted his upper back. 

“I don’t wannaaaa,” he bleated like a wounded creature, attempting to garner sympathy points, as if that’d make the macarons bake faster. His head shot up, fingers pushing up his glasses that started to slip down. He reminded you of a grumpy rabbit, stomping his little (big) foot when his human angered him. “These macarons better be worth it.”

You pulled out one of the bar stools and wiggled onto it, your feet dangling high over the ground. “How long did you think it takes to make macarons?”

“I dunno, like, half an hour?”

“Aren’t you the pastry expert here?” You mused.

Satoru crossed his arms over his chest and lifted his nose pompously. “I’m a connoisseur, not a baker.”

“Maybe you should learn,” you proposed. “You’re good at cooking, right? You can probably pick up baking quickly, then you’ll have a greater understanding and appreciation for baked goods.”

Geto’s nose scrunched up. “That’s not a good idea.”

“Eh?” You batted your eyelashes. “Why?”

“If Ijichi is bad at baking, Satoru is catastrophic.”

The catastrophic baker tugged at the hairs on the back of his head as he avoided eye contact. “I set the kitchen on fire once, is that so bad?”

“How the fuck did you set the kitchen on fire with an oven?” You blanched.

“Oh, no, not the oven,” the noiret clarified. “He tried to fry the croissants. Insisted it’d make them ready to eat sooner.”

You paled like a ghost. “So– so, he, wait– wait, waitwaitwait, he tried to make croissants, the notoriously difficult to make viennoiserie, and thought frying them would be a good idea?”

“What’s a ‘viennoiserie’?” Satoru asked innocently.

“‘Nother word for pastry,” Suguru said, then addressed your question. “Yep, just about.”

You thwarted the desire to place your head in your hands and tug at the roots of your hair. “What the fuck.”

Satoru appeared torn between looking sheepish and looking peeved, not enjoying the criticism. “It was one mistake. I mean, really, I don’t get why you can’t let it go already.”

“He basically raided my pantry every day while his kitchen was getting doctored. He found my hidden stash of chocolate on day two and devoured enough to make himself sick, and then some,” his poor best friend said with a grimace. “It was hidden for a reason. But it did reveal how poorly my chocolate was concealed, so I upped the security on it. Thanks for that.”

“You don’t even eat sweets,” an allegation was thrown at him. “How can you hoard them? Selfish.”

“I hoard them because of you,” he faulted. “I like having them occasionally, and I’m saving you from cavities and tooth rot.”

Gojo squinched. “I brush my teeth very well, thank you kindly.”

“Remember when you got that one really bad cavity as a kid?”

“Oh, so, we’re just airing out dirty laundry, eh?” Satoru slammed his hands down on the marble. “Weren’t you the one that ate so much spicy ramen in grade school that you threw up and tore your esophagus?”

Suguru flinched and pressed his palm against the lower half of his face, blood draining from the top down. “Why’d you remind me.”

“Wait, what?” Your brows pushed up. “What happened?”

He sighed the sigh of an old man who was about to recount his whole life story for the millionth time. “I like spicy food–”

“Loves spicy food,” the other adjusted.

“–and was addicted to it as a kid. I had one too many spicy ramens when I was, I think, twelve or so? My stomach didn’t like that, and fought back with a vengeance. I had to go to the hospital and get a feeding tube put in while I waited for my esophagus to heal.” 

You winced and sucked your teeth. “Yikes, I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” He relaxed, shifting his hand to support his chin. “I recovered and learned a valuable lesson.”

“Not that it stops him from devouring spicy food any chance he gets,” the towhead teased.

“I eat it in moderation.”

“At least two meals a day,” he shot back.

Suguru glared at him. “You’re no better. You practically live off of sugar, ninety percent of the stuff in your fridge is some kind of confectionary. Don’t get me started on the cupboards.” 

You perked up, connecting a couple dots. “Oh, so that’s why I had to dig through, like, three mini cakes to find the eggs.” You slouched onto the counter. “What do you need three cakes for, anyway? Birthday coming up?”

Gojo merely shrugged. “I like cake. Ririka-san said she had extras she didn’t want to toss out and asked if I wanted them. You expect me to say no to that? It’s free cake.” 

“You’re not exactly hurting for money, Satoru,” Geto sighed and rested his forehead on the webbing between his thumb and index finger. “But I suppose it did reduce waste, so, I guess it’s fine.”

“See?” He preened. “I’m a good person. I’m a great person.”

“Good people don’t say they’re good,” his friend deadpanned.

“This one does,” he hmphed, facing you and imploring your support, “don’t you think so?” 

You pinched your chin and counted spots on the ceiling while humming, pondering. “You did take me in…but you’re kind of a whippersnapper…” 

“Whippersnapper?” He gaped incredulously.

You pretended to not hear him. “Hmm…yeah, I’d say you’re a decent person.”

“Hah!” Satoru smacked the smooth surface underhand, beaming at your mutual companion. “See? What’d I tell ya!”

“Give it a few days,” Suguru warned you, his cheeks squeezing his eyes shut as they got pushed up by the corners of his mouth. Gods, that face was too cute.

You jolted when the oven timer went off and hurriedly rushed to check on the macarons. This step was vital – a minute too long or too short could spell demise for the treats. You cracked the door open a smidge, peeking through the gap to inspect them.

No cracks, crisp edges, cooked but not browned, perfect.

You turned off the oven and opened it fully, pulling on the silicone heat gloves to protect your skin, after which you eased the tray out and set it on top of the cooling rack nearby like you were handling pure gold.

Once they were balanced and safe, you threw off the gloves and belled, rhapsodic. 

“Yippee! Now, we wait for them to cool, I add the filling, and they’ll be ready to eat!”

Your poor benefactor behaved the way a child would: pouting and bordering on a tantrum. “Come onnnn already.” 

“He’s always like this, you said?” You turned to his best friend, who sent a sympathetic expression your way.

“Yes, and you’ll be living with him for the time being. I wish you the most sincere good luck I can muster.”

“Woooow, just throwing me to the wolves, huh? Er, wolf, singular,” you placed your hands on your hips.

Something flashed behind his pupils, his lips curling as he rested his chin on the back of his overlapped hands, and you felt a chill shoot up your spine.

Oh. Oh, dear.

His voice took on a husky croon, solidifying your place in hell. “Who said I’m not a wolf, too?” 

Satoru blew air through his lips. “Oooh, edgy, how scary.”

“Shut it, Moon Moon,” Suguru snarled at him, all edge lost.

You involuntarily cackled at the lackluster insult. How fitting.

They certainly had the physiques of wolves. On the contrary, their personalities reminded you of cats. Or, rather, Satoru was a cat, and Suguru was a fox. His narrow, sly eyes had all the hallmarks of a kitsune in disguise, swishing tails hidden from sight, visible only to those enlightened. A stalker, one to hide in the bushes, crepuscular, using the depths of twilight to mask his measured movements.

Then there was Satoru.

A Ragdoll, made entirely of absurd amounts of fluff, sass, confidence, and a healthy dose of vainglory. An oversized animal that thought he was still a lap kitten, deserving of all your attention and energy. Trying to push him off your legs that were quickly losing blood supply was nothing short of criminal and a villainous sin. 

Where the black fox was stealth and meticulous perspicacity, the Ragdoll was the type to walk into a room it knows you aren’t in and yell at the top of its lungs to summon you.

He’d steal your chair, just so you’re forced to interact with him, even if it meant shooing him out of the seat (assuming he’d be willing to give it up, which was often a resounding no). Your food? No, you’re mistaken, that’s his food, he’s just being charitable and altruistic by allowing you to eat it. You should have been thanking him with your forehead on the floor.

God-complex ass. Lovable ass – phrasing.

 “Heyyyyy,” the lovable ass gave you puppy-dog eyes. “What flavor did you make the macarons?”

“Didn’t you get to taste the batter that was on my cheek?” You jammed away any lingering feelings bringing up that little incident might have tried to rear.

“It wasn’t enough,” he squalled. “C’mon, just tell me!”

You shook your head. “You’ll just have to wait. I gotta leave something a surprise, don’t I?” You doubted it’d be hard to guess, since you hadn’t gone out to buy any new flavor extracts.

“No!” Satoru shouted at the same time as Suguru said (much more calmly), “yes.”

The two boys scowled at one another, devil and angel respectively, tugging you in two directions. 

There was a vague memory that flashed behind your eyes, though you weren’t sure if it truly was one. An inception, a memory of a memory of a dream forgotten erstwhile. A snapshot of two boys arguing that bore a remarkable resemblance to the ones before you. A ball tightly gripped, a threat heavy, a silence haunting. 

It was gone as apace as it came, ceding only a ghost of a memento to a past you did not live.

Boys, you carped internally. At this point, it was definitely possible Satoru would combust if he didn’t get to stuff his mouth with your baked goods. Lucky for him, they were finally ready to be assembled, a task that went by surprisingly speedily.

Probably because they had shut up and let you focus, rather than distracting you. Two rows of sandwich halves flipped over, generous dollops of frosting applied after you packed it into a baggie, the other halves placed on top, and–

“Voila!” You sang as you carried the plate of neatly piled rounds of pink to the island. “Bon appétit, mes messieurs. J'espère que vous l'appréciez.”

“Oooh, French,” Gojo swooned as he studied the plate. “Tryin’ to seduce us, pretty girl?”

You picked up on his unexpected patience, having expected him to dive for the snacks once presented. “So, now you’re taking your time?” You crossed your arms.

He shushed you – “did you just shush me!?” – as he canted his head this way and that, observing the coralish-red pastries from every angle. “This is a vital part of the process. I’m checking the quality–”

“Satoru, I will beat your ass.”

“–and appearance. Presentation is important, ya know?”

The raven on the next seat over smacked him upside the head. “Would it kill you to have some semblance of courtesy and respect? She baked for you, try to be polite for once.”

Satoru growled as he rubbed the spot he was hit. “It’s called honesty. Some view it as the ultimate form of kindness. I heard it from a wise man once.”

Suguru’s brow twitched, irked by his audacity. “You can’t just quote your own words and call yourself wise.”

“I can, will, and did,” he proclaimed as he picked up one of the sandwiches and popped it into his mouth. Didn’t even bother to nibble or take a diligent bite, nope, right down the hatch it went.

You swear your adrenaline spiked at his reaction.

Satoru moaned like a college girl getting her cunt licked for the first time, good lord. The sound genuinely caught you completely off guard, impressed by how high-pitched his voice could go. You knew you were good at making them, but you weren’t sure they were that toothsome.

“I take back everything I said,” he confessed around the confection, still moaning. “The wait was so much more than worth it.”

“There’s no need to exaggerate to show your appreciation, either, Satoru. It comes off as insincere,” Suguru sniffled as he plucked up a sugary sandwich and examined it, holding it between his fingers. It looked comically small in his large grasp. “Though, I’m sure that…”

You could visualize his words dying on his tongue as he took a nibble and stiffened in place, bewilderment dawning on him. Each character tumbled away, lost on the same path his train of thought vanished on.

Shit.

That response was bad. Right? It had to be bad, nothing joyous came from–

“Wow…”

“Right?” Satoru exclaimed loudly, clapping the man on the back. “Right!? And you thought I was exaggerating.”

“I stand corrected,” Suguru maundered. He stared down at his half-eaten food as if it held all the answers in the world.

Then proceeded to shove it in his mouth and snatch up a second one.

You were baffled, flattered, and skeptical. “You guys don’t have to pretend they’re good if you don’t like them.”

They paused mid-chew to pin you in place with their intense, dumbfounded veneration, and you regretted ever opening your mouth.

Gojo was acting like a man trapped in the middle of Death Valley during summer who stumbled across the one oasis that happened to not be a delusional mirage created from dehydration, heat stroke, and the blistering weather. His eyes, wide and unblinking, refused to move off of your face, like you’d just told him that, no, we can’t stop at the oasis for a sip of water.

Geto wasn’t any better. You got the sense that he would’ve taken less offense if you’d called his mother a monkey. Which is a hell of a leap, since you were talking about baked goods.

“You’re kidding, right?” Your host garbled around his food.

“You don’t have to act humble,” the other man disapproved. “These are really good. We aren’t lying.”

Your lips scrunched to the side in apprehension. Were they trying to spare your feelings? You were…distracted several times during the process. Maybe you added salt instead of sugar? Was powdered salt even a thing?

You wouldn’t know unless you tried them for yourself. You filched one, analyzed it, and took a cautious, tiny, itty-bitty nibble. Followed by a second, much larger chomp and released a relieved purl when nothing but berry treacliness met your tongue. 

You weren’t a worldstar chef by any means, but, ugh, you did make some pretty rockin’ macarons.

Satoru and Suguru obviously shared your sentiment – the first one even more so, and he wasn’t shy about showing it. Were they worth sounding like he just had the best orgasm of his life? Debatable, but you weren’t going to take that away from him.

Sure, you were enabling his sweet tooth to hell and back, but it meant you got to stay under a safe roof and beneath the cushy blankets of the guest room bed.

His enjoyment was a reward in its own right, too.

You’d make these every day if he wanted, if only to see the gleam of the pure, intoxicated, glucose-induced high in his dilated pupils.

Sugar was to him what catnip was to a kitty. Which was a dangerous realization for you. You’d have to tread the line of confections-related conversations carefully, lest you land yourself a job as his personal at-home baker.

Which actually wasn’t all that bad of an idea. You’d get to chill in a mansion with a hot spring in the backyard, cozily nestled higher up in the valley. It was decently cloistered, you could forget the existence of that stack of sticks under your name, and, hey, you might get away with not needing to pay rent! Win-win for everyone involved.

No, you were not willing to discuss the logistics behind that. Let a girl daydream, ladies deserve to fantasize about the wildest shit. Like becoming a sugar baby without needing to do anything nefarious. Was it so wrong to want to be spoiled?

A little voice, high-pitched and frightened, clued you in on a little clause in any contract you might consider signing: do not tie me down.

Alright, a little rephrasing was needed, then: was it so wrong to want to be spoiled, without the risk of being forced to remain in that position indefinitely?

Normally, you experienced a tightness in your chest when those kinds of words filtered into your consciousness, making a sense of cold spread from your solar plexus to your fingertips. It instantly changed your mood, made you go from cheery to withdrawn. 

Your soul housed a violent anathema whose sole purpose was to torment you with the notion that nowhere is safe. You can’t stay here, you can’t stay there, you can’t stay anywhere.

It reminded you of that one immortal snail hypothetical. No matter where you went, it would always follow you.

If that was the case, then, where was that feeling now?

The bickering boys in front of you, the idyllic mountains that curtained the shallow canyon, this cozy home and the terrifying one you owned, why didn’t they spur that fight-or-flight instinct in you? What was different about Japan, about this location?

Why did breathing feel so easy?

…How long would this sovranty last?

You elbowed aside that conversation for another time. You were going to enjoy every moment of this while you could. If you were at peace, you weren’t going to sabotage that. It was unique, foreign. No area, no city, no home had ever brought you this kind of emptiness in your head, and you were desperate to hold onto that feeling, to milk it dry.

Starting with this little moment of domesticity, sharing food with your…friends?

Friends. Friends who took a great liking to what you made with your own two hands.

You should sneak some away from Satoru to give to Granny, Shoko, and Utahime before he ate them all.

Oh, speaking of.

“Hey, Satoru,” you called out.

“Hm?”

“Are you and Iori-san exes?”

He ‘hah’d and Suguru coughed on his snack, nearly suffocating. “Nah, she wishes.”

You raised a brow. “She seems like she hates your guts.”

“She’s just jealous of my devilishly good features.”

Not trusting his story, you turned to Suguru, who was patting his chest. Bless the boy, he was always there to shed light on the truth.

With regards to making fun of Satoru, anyway.

“He antagonizes her,” he told you after choking down the frosting he partially inhaled. “Spends every second bullying and annoying her anytime they’re near each other. She also swings the other way.”

“Ahh, gotcha,” you thanked him, stepped over to Satoru, and flicked his forehead. You chided him as he clutched the spot with his hands and fussed dramatically. “Be nice to Iori-san!”

“Wh–” He glared up at you. “She’s just as mean! Why aren’t you shaming her?”

You planted your hands on your hips. “She’s your senior. Respect your elders.”

He jutted out his lower lip. “That’s so not fair. Aren’t elders supposed to be setting good examples for their kouhai? It’s her fault I’m like this!”

You and Suguru displayed twin deadpan lours. Raised brows, narrowed eyes, the whole nine yards.

Satoru grimaced. “Ugh, ew, don’t do that, that’s creepy.”

“What’s creepy?” You asked, perplexed.

“You two are matching, it’s weird.”

Suguru gave you a sidelong glance that you returned, judging the validity of Satoru’s claim.

You cracked first.

The edges of your mouth twitched and you pressed them together into a thin line, jaw tensing as you tried to maintain your composure. The corner of his mouth pulled up a millimeter and you popped, giggling against your hand as you faced away.

He shook his head and chuckled, the noise balmy and charming.

An amicable silence fell between the three of you, filled only with muted chewing and the occasional appreciative drone.

It may well have been inadvisable on your part to fall under the spell of the alluring siren that called you to drown in the depths of comfortable mundanity, to breathe in liquid mercury in the form of idle acceptance, but how could you not? 

When you had two magnetic entities drawing you in, giving you a taste of something so normal and natural when all you’d ever known before was diffidence, could you really be blamed for willingly closing your eyes and falling backwards off the cliff that once kept your footing stable? Could you be faulted for the rush of pure adrenaline that coursed through your veins when you gave in after resisting for so long and got to feel the wind bosoming your form the way a lover would?

You knew the ground was speeding up to break your fall, to eviscerate you, turn you into dust made of microscopic shards of glass, but you had plenty of time to pull the cord to your parachute. A little indulgence never hurt.

Right?

─────•(-•ʚɞ•-)•─────

“Good girl,” a voice murmured in your ear, sultry and seductive, praising you while you suckled lewdly on a pair of fingers that tasted sweet and rich and distinctly of berries. It sent chills all over your body, from your scalp, down your spine, all the way to your curled toes. “So needy, aren’t you?”

You nodded vehemently, breath hitching as plush lips traced the curve of your ear. You sucked harder, laving your tongue around and between the prodding appendages.

A different voice, no less enchanting and blazing, came from the figure that draped himself across your back, one arm wrapped around your midsection, his skin igneous against yours. “Greedy brat,” he cooed, his tresses of ivory tickling your temple and cheek. He slowly pulled his soaked fingers from your mouth, spreading them to display your saliva webbing between. “Just one man isn’t enough for you, huh? Need two to cure your insatiability? To fuck you stupid?”

“I–” you gasped, words caught in the back of your throat and fizzling away when his warm hand grasped your breast, wet digits pinching your nipple between his index and middle fingers. “Oh– fuck.”

Black kite eyes occupied your blurry vision, a bewitching smile lifting the corners of his lips. He came off as virtuous, a god amongst men, but the pure and raw hunger in his eyes promised only your corruption. 

A fallen angel, a deity that chose to paint his feathers midnight, to dive into the allure of sacrilege and build a throne for himself to sit upon. He chose to rule over this ungodly land of heathens and desires. To pull you down to the depths with him, that was his purpose.

His eyes vowed to drown you in them, to make you as lecherous for them as they were for you. To make you yearn and crave and need them. To have them pressed against your body, invading your veins, speaking sweet nothings into the bottomless, most primal part of you until you could think of nothing and no one but them.

His scorching fixation drew you to him, the elfin star reaching to be coaxed into his gravity, to be torn apart at the atoms by his bare hands.

The presence behind you was just as cosmic, tugging you the other way, trapped within a binary astral system that encircled you until all you knew, and would ever need to know, was their names. You were ensnared in their push and pull, hands held by each of theirs, pressed between leviathan celestial bodies, and there was nowhere else you’d rather to be.

You were Persephone to their Hades, both holding one half of the same pomegranate, tempting you to bite into each. A silent urge to sink your teeth into the rich fruit, let the acidic, covenant-binding juice of gods flow into your core, spread through your entire being until you belonged to them and they belonged to you. 

You hungered for it, wished to see and feel the coquelicot essence of the berry spill from your lips, curve over your chin, drip onto your bare breasts like fresh blood. 

You wished to have their tongues on your flesh, licking the circumfluous juice as if it was the ichor of life itself.

Deft hands slipped between your thighs, prying them apart. Cool air brushed against your flushed, dripping womanhood, drawing a sharp inhale from you. You squirmed when the hand on your breast shifted to tease and torment your other nipple, the arm still holding your midsection loosening enough to allow strumming fingers to walk down your stomach.

Past your navel, across your womb, over your mons, until–

You chirped when the pad of his middle finger slid through your heavily slicked folds and pressed directly onto your hypersensitive clit, lightly pushing back the hood to expose more of it, all on display for the raven before you.

The swan chuckled deeply against your back, sending the vibrations directly through your ribs and into your stuttering heart. “So sensitive,” he drawled, nipping at your pulse through the tender skin of your throat. “We barely even touched you and you’re already soaked, princess.”

Firm palms massaged your thighs, ensuring they stayed open, forbidding you from covering yourself. You were theirs to watch, to toy with, to covet and fuck and ruin. 

“Our poor, pretty angel. Desperate,” a wicked laugh escaped from lush lips that hovered just over your own, so close yet so far beyond reach.

“P-Please,” you shivered and whined when the finger on your burning, twitching button circled it lazily. “Fu-uck.”

“Use your words, sweetheart,” one of them instructed you – you no longer knew where they began and you ended. “Tell us what you want, and we might reward you.”

You took in a shaky, uneven breath, attempting to steady your voice. Hell, to find it at all. “Y-You. Need you. Please, gods– ah!”

“Which one, love?”

“Both! Both– both of you,” you choked out, bucking your hips against the hand cupping your heat. It wasn’t enough, you needed more, you needed them. All of them, every inch, every fraction of their beings melding with yours.

“Really, now?” A hot breath fluttered over your ear. “Such a spoiled little lover. Are you sure you can handle both of us?”

“Yes– oh, god – yes, please, ple-ase!”

You could feel their voices more than you could hear. One’s chest was flush to your spine, your nails digging into his forearms. The other breathed your air and gifted you with his own, a promise that you were only able to fill your lungs with oxygen because he allowed it. 

This was hell. It had to be. They were so close, so fucking close, but they weren’t giving you what you wanted. You asked so nicely, begged them, you were impatient, aching for them to the point it hurt.

“If you say so,” he – who? – huffed, amused. “Let’s find out, shall we?”

Their warmth and scents mixed with your own, blistering against your damp skin, scalding you from the inside out, and how ready you were to plunge into the waves of magma below. You were doomed the very moment you said yes, from the second your eyes met theirs. You were destined to fall from the heavens into their cocooning embrace, and you willingly leapt from the clouds, chasing after them where they awaited you with open arms.

The set of fingers on your clit left to graze your entrance in ringlets that were far too languid for your liking; another grasped your chin between them, tilting your head up to peer into vortices of lust, venery, and depravity, threatening to suck you in and never let you leave.

What they didn’t say in words, they commanded with their searing idées fixe; they molded you into the perfect doll for them, the captivating nymph that curled her fingers towards herself, luring them to join her in the goddess’ blessed pond. 

He leaned in, his soft pants fanning over your lips, right there, a millimeter more, almost–

You startled awake with a gasp, shooting upright onto your palms as you struggled to inhale and exhale properly. A thin sheen of sweat covered your entire body, making your exposed skin shimmer under the moonlight pouring in from your window. 

Your heart raced in your chest, and you took long seconds to grasp your bearings and figure out exactly what occurred. Your heavy lids batted, trying to ease the grit from them. Everything remained fuzzy, recollection failing you…

As you began to calm down, you shifted your legs and abruptly stopped, cringing. The answer came like a slap to your tit.

You weren’t just wet, you were submerged.

Someone could squeeze water out of a rag and it'd still be less wet than you. You were utterly sopping, soaked right through your panties, a sticky mess of slick coating your pussy and the insides of your thighs.

Great.

This forsaken song and dance again.

Your cunt throbbed, clenching and mourning the loss of your high. Your nipples were painfully stiff, your clit screamed for attention, and all you could do was fall back on the bed and spread out your arms in defeat.

A wet dream. You had a fucking wet dream. And not just any wet dream, no, of course not. Nothing in life was ever simple. Not for you, never for you.

You groaned and pressed your hands against your face, trying to wrest away the image of Suguru and Satoru drawing you thin between them, turning you into a babbling, pleading mess, pining for the attention of your gods. The heels of your palms dug into your eyes until spots appeared, but all that did was make the images more clear.

Hell. Now what?

Feeling particularly uncomfortable, you chose to start by shimmying your panties off and tossing them into your hamper without getting up, exhaling heavily as you glowered at nothing in particular and zoned out.

Sure, you could try to go back to sleep, pretend it was possible and that you’d return to happy, not-lewd dreamland, act like your disgustingly blasphemous subconscious didn’t create the hottest dream you’ve ever had, but you knew that wasn’t going to work.

You grabbed your phone and squinted at the screen when you checked the time. 4:17 AM. Taking a bath at this hour would probably wake someone in the house. The better option was to grab a hand towel and use the sink to wipe yourself off, then lay awake and scroll mindlessly through your phone until you inevitably passed back out.

But…you felt so empty. And so fucking horny, it genuinely hurt. You didn’t know it was even possible to get this aroused, and you were paying the cost for it.

You worried your bottom lip between your teeth, nipping at the dry skin. Your fingers twitched at your side, fighting a war, debating.

…Once would be okay, right? Just once, to fix yourself up and get rid of any lingering ideas you had about the two boys. Yeah, that was okay. Probably. It’s not like they were going to know anyway, and you could go back to sleep after you took care of your…needs, then wake up as if none of this ever happened.

Alright. Yeah. Yeah, that’s fine. That’s the plan.

You swallowed thickly, noticing how viciously parched you were, but that could wait until you were done.

Your fingers tapped apprehensively against your stomach, yenning yet still uncertain. They trailed lower and lower, following the same path from your belly button to the apex of your thighs Satoru had taken in your delusion. A quickie. You’d be fast, and then forget this entirely.

You sucked in a hiss through your clenched teeth when your icy fingers brushed against your tender, swollen clit that was weeping for attention. Jesus, when was the last time you were this sore? This irriguous? Had you ever been?

You couldn’t tell if your fingers being cold made it worse or better. You weren’t sure why they were so frigid when the rest of you was combusting. All you could remember was a large, warm hand and addicting digits toying with you. This simply wasn’t sufficient in comparison – quite literally opposite in every way – but it was all you had to work with, so it would need to do.

You swore as you began rubbing the ticklish bundle in quick circles, your free hand swiftly shoving itself under your shirt to grasp your breast. You pinched, tugged, and twisted your nipple between your thumb and forefinger, lamenting the lack of satisfaction. It wasn’t fucking enough. Your digits felt too stiff, too glacial, for what you really wanted – what you urgently, critically, dolorously required.

You rubbed faster, pressed that sorry little nub down harder, dug your nails into your nipple, Christ, you were going to cry.

Why, why, why? You were right fucking there, on the cusp, more than ready to tumble off the cliff and let the swift fall break you into a million pieces.

Please, please, please! Please, fuck, just let me cum!

What were you missing? You had no trouble with this in the past, your hand was your best friend, now it was betraying you. Was your cunt too slippery? Was the frost of your touch driving your orgasm away? What was–

Your stilled as a sinful, dreadful thought crossed your mind.

This…all of this was caused by them. Not directly, but by proxy. It was because you were dreaming of them that you landed in this messy, painful spot. Your body forced you out of your own dream, effectively cutting off your lifeline of pleasure.

So, what if you…

You shook your head, winced, reconsidered, then repeated that process about a dozen more times. If you vowed that all this would remain here, in this moment, then there wasn’t really any harm in it, no?

You squeezed your eyes shut tight and slowly picked up the pace again, squirming under your own ministrations. You let yourself draw pictures behind your lids, visualizing the pair of boys, pretending it was their hands on you instead of your own. You picked up where your dream left off, the tick before Suguru’s lips were on yours. 

His hands massaging your thighs, teeth nipping at the tip of your tongue, kurobeni locks tickling your forehead and cheeks – it was shockingly realistic in sensation.

Satoru was playing your body like a harp, drawing and pulling on the threads of your being, strumming them until he was the reason you were writhing and panting and moaning in subdued notes on your bed that took more effort to contain than you’d ever care to admit.

Your high came mind-numbingly soon. Where you had been trying to wrench it from yourself with immense difficulty a minute ago, now you were teetering over the edge. You only had to do a smidgen more to reach your freefall.

It came naturally to you.

Whined, breathy, pitchy, louder than you had any permission to be, you uttered the two names that sent you careening from elysium’s clouds.

“Mmph– S-Sat-toru, Sugu–”

You were fairly certain you saw the eternal gardens of Eden somewhere between that nanosecond and the next. 

You broke like an over tightened violin bow, the hand twinging your tit shooting up through the collar of your shirt to slam against your mouth barely in time to muffle the piercing cry that tried to fly out from your bitten lips. Your muscles tensed, trembling violently. Your hips bucked against your hand, your back curved further than you thought possible, and your pussy squeezed around nothing so tightly that you believed if anything had been inside you, your pelvic floor would have cut off its circulation.

You rode out your ascent and dive for as long as you could, dragging it out with unsteady, arrhythmic, back-and-forth massaging on your twitching, overstimulated button until you lost all steam and flopped back onto the mattress, hands separating from your body like glue.

You panted heavily, staring up at the ceiling blankly, sprawled out as you tried to catch your breath. Your head was empty, limbs still shivering with aftershocks of the strongest orgasm you’ve had in a while.

You brought your arm over your face, watching your fingers glisten with your slick as you wiggled them around. The wetness sticking to your cunt and thighs was growing more and more uncomfortable by the second, too slippery without purpose for being so. The sheer amount of honey you produced was a disturbance on its own, but now you had to deal with the mess you made between your legs, on top of your post-nut clarity.

You needed God.

“What is wrong with me…” You mumbled as you rolled over to climb off the bed, feeling particularly disgusted with yourself. How the hell were you supposed to face Satoru and Suguru now that you had rubbed yourself off to the thought of not one, but both of them?

Shit, all of this because of that godsforsaken dream. 

You shuddered, heat flashing through your body at the memory, and you quickly smothered the kindling. You weren’t hankering for a second orgasm at this time.

You wiggled off the edge and eased yourself onto rickety legs, using the mattress for support while you gained back your strength. You turned cautiously to check the sheets, and nearly collapsed in relief when you found no evidence of the heinous crime you just committed atop it. 

God bless, you wouldn’t have to deal with trying to sneak the sheets into the laundry without getting caught, or come up with a passable lie to explain that the oddly damp and sticky patch wasn’t the remnants of your orgasm, nuh-uh, nope, not at all. 

You weren’t a very good liar when put on the spot.

Little victories.

You crept around, tugging the hem of your shirt down over your thighs as you located things to freshen up with, thankful that the article of clothing was long and baggy enough to cover your shame. The moon, round and silver, lit up your room a smidge too clearly for your liking. You really didn’t want to see yourself in any way for the time being.

The hall, unlike your room, was sorely lacking in light.

With a small towel and a change of panties in hand, you carefully eased open your door, and glanced both ways like you were a child sneaking off to steal candy from the kitchen. It was crepuscular as fuck, but you had to ensure there wasn’t anyone who could see in the dark. Unreasonable line of thought, but who cares.

Coast clear.

You booked it towards the bathroom on the tips of your toes, rushing as soundlessly as you could to dive behind the door to safety. You didn’t let yourself breathe until you closed and locked the barrier with minimal noise. Mission successful.

Your eyes squeezed shut at the suddenness of the bright light flooding the bathroom when you flicked the light switch, your fingers scurrying to hit the dimmer and un-blind yourself. Bleh. Pain.

After your eyes adjusted to the light, you took one glance at yourself in the mirror, in all your mussed-up-hair and flushed-cheek glory, and instantly swiveled your head away. If your face wasn’t burning before, it certainly was now.

Your reflection would just have to remain a mystery until you could stand to look yourself in the eyes again. Which could take a long while.

“You depraved bitch,” you muttered to yourself scornfully as you turned on the sink, waited until the water was hot, and dunked the towel in it. “Goddamn slut. One was bad enough, but two?” 

You worked quickly to wipe the tacky smears from your skin at the crest of your thighs, fussing and reprimanding yourself all the way through.

Unfortunately, as much as you wanted it, your shower would have to wait until morning. You feared boiling the shame off your flesh at this hour would be too conspicuous. You grimaced as the fibers of the cloth rubbed a smidge too harshly against your tender sensory nerves, and you took extra care to not aggravate your horniness again. 

The band of your panties snapped against your hips, grounding you further, and you decided you’d been punished enough (for now).

Back in your room, you flopped onto the bed face down, abnormally fatigued. The forbidden rendezvous in the eclipse of the waking world and following nutty nut (heh) wiped you out from head to toe. Not bothering to pull the blanket back over your yet-to-cool-down figure, you nuzzled into your pillow, and conked the hell out.

─────•(-•ʚɞ•-)•─────

You had mixed feelings on how rested you felt when you woke up.

On one hand, it was delightful to open your eyes and feel energized after a yawn and a ferocious cat stretch, but the way you got there made it feel like an undeserved good night’s sleep. 

You mulled over it as you zoned out in front of the pot on the stove while you waited for the buckwheat you tossed in to finish cooking. 

Technically speaking, you did use the boys to get your rocks off, but could that really qualify for the ‘morally incorrect’ category when it was not soundly your fault? It’s not like you sat down and had a heart-to-heart discussion with your brain and pussy about giving into your perversion within the safety of your insanity.

Okay, insanity was a stretch, and definitely an over exaggeration, but it was your best excuse. Some cog had to have been knocked loose in your thick skull for you to succumb to your cravings the way you did. 

Or, you know, you argued with yourself, maybe it’s because you live with a stupidly hot guy and he has a stupidly hot best friend? Is it really so hard to imagine you’d get horny over a couple of model-worthy men?

Yes. Yes, it is.

You ran your hand through your hair as you switched off the heat on the stove, deeming the seed ready, and retrieved a bowl from a nearby cupboard.

You weren’t one to fall so low. If you masturbated to anyone, which was already rare as gold, it was some rando on a porn site. You didn’t know them, they didn’t know you – hell, they didn’t know you existed for starters. Free content without being perceived, win-win for everyone.

What curse infected your system last night to make you do the things you did? 

Gods, it was a really good orgasm, though.

It sat on the forefront of your mind the whole morning as you went through your routine. As you showered, got dressed, washed your face, brushed your teeth, and now, as you made what was basically brunch given the hour. You were having a tug-of-war with yourself, which was cool and all, but why the hell were Satoru and Suguru the ones on your shoulders debating your moral compass?

Debating was generous. It was more so Suguru reassuring you, telling you that it was alright, just a miscue in your judgement, everyone had a moment like that at least once or twice in their life. Satoru, meanwhile, took great delight in howling like an incubus and teasing you relentlessly about your misfortune.

Neither were actively discouraging you from being a degenerate, but you pined for death regardless.

Unintelligible inveighs spilled from your lips, aimed at nobody in particular as you scooped the buckwheat into your bowl, poured milk in with it, and sprinkled sugar overtop. You were mildly gratified to see Gojo had the seed, as your childhood comfort meal would aid in overcoming your newfound psychological complications.

“What's that?” Gojo's voice scared the balls off you as he spoke directly into your ear, bowing over your back. You physically felt them pop off and roll away like wayward marbles, never to be seen again.

Metaphorically. And–

Oh, god, Gojo.

How the hell does a giraffe manage to move around like a mouse?

You can do this. This is fine. You totally didn’t have a sex dream about him and his best friend, not at all, how could anyone dare to think so? You only had to act normal. Act good, this was normal, you were normal. It wasn't weird. It's only weird if you make it w–

“Buckwheat cereal,” your mouth answered for you. You suppressed the urge to sag in relief when nothing atrocious came out of it. “It's good for you.”

“...Explain.”

You angled your head to face him, fighting down the gasp and blush that wanted to spark to life at his proximity. Oh, he was, like, right there. “It's cereal…but with buckwheat.”

A frown marred his pretty face. “Is it sweet?”

“To everyone's taste. But for how I make mine, yes.”

“Lemme try.”

Your body moved on its own without any instruction – or permission – from your nervous system. You scooped up a spoonful of the cereal and brought it to his mouth as he stayed positioned behind you.

Which was a horrible fucking mistake.

His hands grasped your hips to hold you steady as he actually said ‘nom’ and closed his luscious, puffy, pink lips around the utensil. 

Oh, my god.

If you thought the dream was bad.

He pulled away from it, though didn't retract his hands as he contemplated your choice in food, chewing slowly. He gulped too freaking loud, and beamed childishly. “More.”

You scoffed and lightly bumped your hips back into his, pulling a muffled grunt from him (oops). “Get your own. There's plenty on the stove.”

You weren’t sure if it was reprieve or disappointment that filled you when he released you and stepped away, inspecting the pot on the stove. “How do you make it?”

“Scoop some into a bowl, add milk and sugar. Boom, buckwheat cereal.”

“Is it really that simple?”

You snorted. “Yes, Satoru, it is. The only ‘hard’ part is cooking the ‘wheat itself, which is kinda like making rice.”

“Huh,” the boy vocalized as he followed your instructions. “Won’t the milk make it cold, though? Or is it supposed to be?”

“Again, it’s to everyone’s taste. You can heat up the milk if you want it to be warm. Buckwheat is surprisingly versatile,” you briefed. “High in fiber, antioxidants, anti-inflammatory, and – now that I think about it, it could be especially good for you, since it can help manage blood sugar levels.”

“Nerd,” he quipped.

You scoffed as you spooned some into your mouth and oh shit, oh fuck, this was the same spoon he used, was this an indirect kiss? Was this weird? He didn’t seem to care as he grabbed his own utensil and propped himself up against the counter with his lower back.

This is fine, you said as you banged your head repeatedly on the walls of your mental prison.

Pretend, pretend, pretend. Confidence was basically just really good lying. “Excuse me for being weirdly curious and just collecting random fun facts.”

He quirked a brow, eating up his own bowl. “Oh, that’s it?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Satoru plainly shrugged. “Thought you might have been someone obsessed with nutrition facts or something.”

“I mean, I try to be a little careful about what I eat, but I’m not gonna sit and make calculations on every little thing I shove down my throat.”

A cruel sort of evilness curled the corners of his lips. “Is that so?”

You were going to shoot him one of these days for making you nearly inhale a kernel. Figuratively, duh, but nevertheless. Or perhaps literally. Whichever came first.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re annoying?” You probed.

His grin grew, as if this was something he was proud of. “Plenty, but none as cute as you.”

What a novel and unique method for making your cereal hot, using you as a human fucking conductor. No wonder the messy thing between your legs controlled your subconscious. It was Satoru’s fault all along.

You felt a mite less guilty about using his face as spank bank material.

“I’ll add ‘incorrigible flirt’ to the record, then,” you chuntered.

“And ‘good looks’,” he inputted.

You mimed writing. “E-go-tis-tic and con-cei-ted…”

“Oi!” He jutted out his lower lip. “O’, cruel temptress, you wound this one. You’re lucky I like you.”

A sizable chunk of your food attempted to get stuck in your throat, forced down only by sheer will alone. You froze, waiting for the world to collapse, for the walls to cave in, for the adrenaline to drown you in anxiety, for the air-raid sirens to start blaring. You waited, and waited, and waited.

Nothing came from his confession. It was a light, playful thing, sort of meaningless in the grand scheme of things. Your fight-or-flight had been triggered by less before, but…

Two seconds was all you allowed yourself to hesitate for, lest you look the fool. Two seconds of atypical…normalcy.

“You’ve known me for, what, three days?” You pointed out.

Satoru scraped up the last bit of his food and placed the bowl down to rest his weight on his elbows that he set on the marble surface behind him. “I’ve got good instincts. Gut feeling says you’re interesting, and I like your vibes. That’s all I need,” he disclosed.

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel the same way. He was…easy, for lack of a better word. Talking to him came effortlessly, with lively chatter and content silence in the gaps between conversations.

Trust your gut instincts.

“Feeling’s mutual,” you admitted, softer.

That earned you a brilliant smile, stretched from ear to ear, and it made something docile and tender flutter in your heart. Not the rapid palpitations of attraction or flusteredness, no. Rather, it resembled a tea light, something mellow and snug. 

Seeing him happy makes you happy.

You didn’t get long to dwell on it. “Hey, you still wanna use the onsen?”

His invitation wiped out all your brooding thoughts like a whipping gale, replacing it all with sheer zeal and glee. The moment you’d been waiting for! Now you didn’t have to awkwardly ask!

“Uh, yes? Hello? Is that even a question?” You gawked.

The pale-haired man simpered as he took your bowl from you – oh, when did that get empty? – and nodded towards your room. “Got a swimsuit?”

Thank the ever blooming stars above, you did.

“Yes!” It was taking everything in you to not start bouncing around like an overjoyed rabbit. The urge to zoomies was strong with this one.

“Great! There’s a shower outside and on the right, just past the partition when you go out the back,” he instructed. “Tradition calls for bathing in the nude, but I’ll spare you from that this time.”

Fuck ye– this time?

You were already moving along, shouting a high pitched ‘thank you!’ over your shoulder as you darted towards your room to retrieve a towel and your bathing suit, forfeiting your chance to voice that concern aloud. He was likely teasing you anyhow, and there was only so much flirting you could take before you’d combust.

You had no intention of testing your mental fortitude. Not until you got to turn into a boneless puddle of jelly beans in the onsen.

Was there some way to see a scoreboard of your times for ripping off your clothes? Because you were fairly certain this time would contend for first place with the time you tried the shower here for the first time. And, on top of that, you know that cute swimsuit you got eons ago, thinking you’d have a ‘hot girl summer’, only to never once wear it? You finally had a reason to pull it on and pose in front of the mirror in your room!

A tad late (or early?) for a hot girl summer, but damn, you looked good.

Satoru was nowhere to be seen when you skedaddled out of your as-of-current sanctuary, which permitted you to jog across the house to the back door on your tiptoes like a villain in a cartoon. You even did the evil little giggle, too.

The trees surrounding the backyard provided abundant protection from any potential gales, but the shade they shed made goosebumps rise all over your body from the chill, urging you to speed over to where the outdoor shower was to race your ass into the hot spring.

The shower itself was gorgeous. Dark, slat-wood tiles acted as protective walls, giving you decent privacy for a quick rinse. And the water?

Heaven.

Your only experience with outdoor showers before had been those super shitty beach ones, the type that half-sprayed, half-poured freezing cold water on you that did fuck all to get any sand or dirt off you. Plus, they were out in the middle of the beach anyway, so you’d end up getting sand on your soles afterwards anyway.

You were not expecting the water to be heated, or the ground to be free of debris (how far your standards have fallen), or anything beyond just a pole that water came out of.

Rich people. You gotta suck up to them more often, dignity be damned.

But you had a delightful bonus! You didn’t have to suck up to Satoru for these benefits! It remained to be seen what you would have to do after your free trial expired, but three days in, and you were more than ready to suck his dick to keep sitting pretty and living the life.

Okay, too far, but could you be blamed?

No. Most certainly not. No, you were not open for debate on this. You knew anyone else would think the same.

You hosed yourself down as thoroughly as your impatient self could handle, lest you perish before you got the chance to get a taste of rapture. Apparently, though, Satoru was faster. 

Shock-white hair, dripping at the tips that had already begun collecting steam, alerted you to his presence as you tossed your towel onto a nearby bench. You had turned into a shivering mess in the seconds it took you to walk over and you were greatly looking forward to the deliciously painful sting that came from transitioning into hot water while cold.

He tilted his head back with that giraffe neck of his, the curious ‘oh’ of his mouth maturing into a smirk big enough to make dimples appear in his cheeks.

“There you are!” He called out. “You took forever, thought you slipped and died or something. Get in already, the temp is purrrrfect.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” you retorted as you sat down on the edge of the basin and dipped your feet in, hissed like a demonic cat wrangled from hell, then slipped in completely. Shudders wracked up your entire body, scalding you from head to toe – ah, but then, bliss. “Fuuuckkk…”

“Feels good, right?” He chortled and you nodded, your eyes slipping shut.

“God, it feels so good,” you slurred out contentedly as you sank down lower into the wonderfully hot piscina. You set the underside of the back of your skull on the ledge behind you and let yourself turn into a happy little jellyfish. “You’re so lucky.”

Satoru scoffed. You peeked one eye open. “I don’t actually get the chance to use it all that much nowadays.”

Your lips pursed in a pout. “Why not? You rich kids don’t have to work, right?”

“I am the heir to the Gojo clan,” he reinformed you. “My dad’s still kickin’, so he does all the major shit, thankfully, but I basically have to be on-call. Boring ass meetings, talking to even more boring ass people about,” he rotated his hand in a general all of this motion, “boring ass shit.”

You sat up properly, suddenly hyper aware of your position and whose company you were in. “Is it difficult?”

He tipped his head side to side, working out a crick. “Eh, nothing I can’t handle. I’ve known I’ll eventually inherit the family business since I was a kid, so I’ve been exposed to it all pretty much since the day I could walk.”

Guilt was knocking on the door of your sternum. Lifelong misconceptions of trust fund babies led you to have a mild prejudice against them. Social media didn’t help, with all sorts of platforms hosting blogs for the filthy rich who posted all hours of the day. Were all rich kids destined for the same, or was it only a few, like Satoru?

How could a petty commoner like you ever hope to understand?

You could start by learning.

“What’s the family business, if you don’t mind me asking?” You scooted closer.

“Politics,” he said as he propped his arms up on the stone behind him. “Like I said, boring shit.”

Ugh, politics. No wonder he was so disinterested, you would be, too. “How long has your clan been around?”

He blew air out past his lips, counting in his head. “Some one-thousand years, I think?”

“Yeesh,” you fluttered your lashes. “So you come from old old money, huh?”

“Ee-yup, pretty much,” he crooned, doing a complete flip in attitude from ennui to playing the part of charmer. “Which means I have plenty to spoil you with, pretty girl.” 

You rolled your eyes and cupped water in your hands to splash him. He bayed in offense and splashed you right back, soaking your hair and face aggressively. He cackled like a mad man as you wiped the mineral water off your scowling features. That didn’t count, his hands were way bigger than yours.

He dipped a finger under one lens of his shades, rubbing away whatever liquid had gotten caught beneath, giving you the perfect segue to probe about them.

“Why are you wearing those glasses all the time? Can you even see through them with all this steam?” You inquired skeptically.

Satoru tapped his left cheek. “Sensitive eyes.”

“Or,” you proposed an alternative, because that was too easy, “you’re hiding something.”

His lips spread in a compelling grin. “Why don’t you come and find out?”

Don’t mind if I do.

You reached for his sunglasses, wiggling your fingers like you were about to cast some spell on him with a witchy smile. You expected him to maneuver away, angle his head so you couldn't actually get them, but he surprised you when he let you take them without any struggle.

You slid them off the bridge of his nose, fingertips brushing porcelain skin, and revealed the true hue of his eyes to you for the first time.

Your breath left your chest in a swift exhale, the vacuum of space stealing the air from your lungs.

You recalled what you thought of the sky the first time you had seen it from Satoru’s backyard, through a seamlessly cut circle sitting above the treeline. You remembered how you thought it was the brightest blue you had ever seen.

You took it all back.

This was the brightest blue you’d ever seen.

Prismatic eyes peered back at you, shimmering and shifting between shades of an early winter morning and oceanic depths, galvanic and otherworldly. You didn’t know how it was possible to have irises so vibrant and enthralling, how they caught the light and shattered it infinitesimally, scattering and dancing about like glittering snow. You swore that if you sought hard enough, you could see the crystalline shards glisten like rainbows whenever rays of luminescence caught them at the right angle.

At their darkest, they were cresting, bioluminescent waves crashing over the shore of a chilly evening on a beach, or a bouquet of blue orchids, or the celestial eons above when they began to shift from midnight to dawn, before the sun had awoken.

At their lightest, they were diamonds, multifaceted and nearly iridescent. The shimmering of a fairy’s wings, the first sip of spring, the water of the everblue hot spring behind his home as it subsumed you – calming, serene, warm. You yearned to take a deep breath, dive under the water��s cusp, and remain there forever.

A seraphim’s wings beat, thousands of eyes blessing with eldritch purity, each centered on you.

From the cascading snowdrift of his nitrogen-dipped lashes flocked with millions of ice crystals, to the gems he called irises, down to the voids of his pupils as they dilated, consuming pools of excruciating delphinium into trenchant rings.

They threatened to sink and drown you in their zeros, to poison you with a drop added to your wine, and you'd swallow all of it down in large swigs and thank him for it. You’d do anything to feel his hyperborean venom in your bloodstream.

You wondered if they collected sunlight during the day and glowed in the pitch of night, reflecting like vitreous ponds filled with veiled secrets known only to gods and the man in front of you, the one that ruled above them all.

He could make the boughs of celestia bend and lower for him, as if kneeling to respect their king. He could buckle any will with just a brief coup d'œil, make the strongest, most powerful people grovel at his feet, make the choirs of the universe sing for him and him alone, anything he desired.

But, he chose to lay his sights on you with playful mirth and gleaming excitement glissading within them.

“Careful, princess,” he preened, migrating towards you, a hunter stalking his prey. “Keep looking at me like that and I might get shy.”

Speckles of sweat slipped off the high curves of his cheekbones, dotting his forehead and temples, plastering his lily-white hair to his fair skin, and you decided on the spot that you were a slave to Gojo Satoru.

Ruin me.

Your lips tingled, parted as you beheld him in latria, begging to feel his upon yours. He was there, nearing, close, closer, closer–

“Ah, there you two are,” you jumped away from Satoru like he was a scorching bonfire you nearly leapt head first into, Suguru’s voice snapping you out of your muzzy revere.

You could have sworn you heard the boy you so nearly touched swear something foul under his breath, but you were too busy dying inside to pay attention. You whipped around, your fingers clasping the rocky shelf of the spring hard enough to break through it, gripping to it for dear life. Focusing on Geto as he approached grounded you and gave you a modicum of the stability you needed to recover because holy shit, you were about to kiss his best friend, what the hell is wrong with you.

“I heard back from Uncle Han,” Suguru updated you as he took a knee on the mildly damp stone in front of where you were peeking up from the hot spring. “He’s an acquaintance in the construction business. He said he can come over sometime tomorrow morning to inspect your house, just to see the condition it’s in. He won’t have any free hands soon, but if the thing is in a decent enough state, we could get started on it ourselves.”

“‘We’?” You tilted your head askance.

He raised a brow. “Yes, we. You, Satoru, me. What, did you think we were going to let you do it alone?”

“It’s just…” You chewed the inside of your cheek. “I don’t know how much to pay you.”

“Pay us?”

“Yeah,” you flicked your sight between him and Satoru. “Plus, I’d feel bad making you work for me.”

His forehead creased as if you were saying something completely absurd. “Who said that we’re charging you, or that you’re making us work for you?”

Now it was your turn to be taken aback. “Uh, because it’s labor? Aren’t you guys busy?”

Suguru arched forward a fraction, maintaining intense eye contact that refused to abate, seriousness etched into the tempered chocolate of his optics. They demanded your full attention, an unspoken command to meet his gaze and never look away unless he gave you permission. 

You feared he never would – or, perhaps, wished. 

“Satoru spends most of his days like a spoon-fed child who only has to occasionally go out of town to assist his dad, or fill out some paperwork when Gojo-san is too overwhelmed. I help out my folks with their farm in the mornings and sometimes an hour or two after noon. We have more free time than we know what to do with.”

Satoru sidled up to you, wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you into his side. Everywhere his skin touched yours burned, hotter than the prickling, fervid loch submerging you below your ribcage. His beaming face entered your field of view, brilliant azures drowning out the rest of the world until only butterfly pea and black tea remained.

“It’ll be fun!” He touted, fingers squeezing your hip affectionately. “Tall, dark, and stupid over here’s right, we’ve been needing something to do.”

Mr. Tall, Dark, and Stupid’s expression dropped into a vexed glare. “Eat a dick and die, Satoru.”

“You first.”

“I’ll drown you in there.”

“Not if I strangle you.”

“Good luck reaching me, shitstick.”

As entertaining as their bickering was, you needed to say something before the very important conversation got completely swept away. You reached up to touch the dark-haired man’s hand as it hung lazily over his raised thigh, but stopped short when you saw liquid drip off your wrist. You didn’t want to get him wet, so you used that hand to draw his attention with a downward wave of your digits.

“Thank you, Geto,” the outer corners of your eyes crinkled.

His bristled temper died down, ire replaced with an irrefutable fondness in the gaze he directed at you. His hand flipped over and clasped yours, preventing you from withdrawing, unbothered by the dampness clinging to your heated palm. 

He looked at you like you were the only soul worthy of seeing the curve of his lips draw upwards to match yours, the only one whose knuckles he’d lift to graze a featherlight kiss to, the only one who’d be able to coax an unseen side from him without a fight, needing only to merely whisper his name.

Sealed with a velvety promise when it spilled from his tongue into the space reserved for you, them, and no other.

“Suguru.”

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taglist: @kimi01985

[brucewaynehater101]

I want Duke included in batfam family fics. being the older sibling Damian needs, relatable yet guiding. Tim being ‘Dukes robin’ and having lots of respect for Tim yet he’d also steal his slice of pie. Duke and Jason hanging out, and Jason appreciating how he never tries to lecture him. Duke and dick matching vibes (or as much as they can) when on patrol and somewhat in the family, and both trying to make their brothers calm tf down. Bruce trying desperately to not fuck up with Duke like he did his other sons, only serving to confuse and slightly alarm Duke. Alfred and duke being the only ones with more then *1* braincell.

he also has so much potential for angst of being a meta in a family everyone thinks hates metas, and people somehow forget him???

(I have more just don’t have the energy to write it all down)

Heck yes! I agree that Duke needs to be included in more batfam fics (and especially as a more pivotal role). I personally try to add him a bit, but I fear I do not include him enough as a key member of the batfam.

Duke is hella important and should be treated as such. I'd love to see more fics with him pissing off GCPD for fun. Just chaos and pranks against GCPD, rogues, Batman, and the Batkids. Also, he should he allowed to punch (or kick) as many JL members as he pleases (Hal was just the first).

Duke and Dick having similar fashion ideas is a cute idea I've seen in the fandom. I would also just love to see more fanart of Duke rocking some fun outfits for galas (especially if the galas follow the AU of Gotham being super weird with their social norms). Duke being featured on magazine covers, being asked to model, and being interviewed would be cool fanwork ideas to play around with. I've seen so many of the other batboys and none with Duke as a magazine cover.

Here's my ideas on how Duke could interact with different batfam members. Feel free to reblog if you have ideas yourself or think the dynamic should be different.

I feel like Duke and Cass would get along really well as chaos gremlins who get away with their shenanigans. Messing with Commissioner Gordon is a favorite pass time of theirs. For some reason, even when presented with evidence, Bruce doesn't believe that Duke and Cass would do the things they get away with. It's both impressive and annoying to the other batkids.

Duke could have a weird relationship with Tim. On one hand, Tim is Duke's Robin. The cases he's solved, feats he's accomplished, and respect Gotham has for Tim's Robin in general (for being Batman's therapy kid) are unfathomable. On the other hand, he's seen Tim walk into the same wall four times within three minutes. They both share a love for riddles, but Tim can be an idiot at interpersonal relationships.

For Damian, Duke has seen how the world picks up kids and spits them out. He's seen kids lashing out, how they merely want to defend themselves, and how fantastic they are once you get to know them. He's been angry and spiteful at the world too. For Damian, Duke's hella impressed at the kid's heart despite all the shit he's been dealt. Duke would encourage chaos, talk with the kid about how different emotions have impacted Duke's actions and life, and is an overall supportive figure. They can often be seen doing both wild stunts and "common for their age group" activities for fun (although the game Sorry is banned because of them).

Jason and Duke would probably have a complicated relationship due to Red Hood's actions. Their similar childhoods (as far as economically and location based) would lead to jokes and shared customs that they chat with Steph about (such as Creepy Toe Joe or that specific gas station or the phrase they say as they passed that one pothole). Despite that, they have different viewpoints on Bruce and murder.

Duke is probably one of the more emotionally intelligent and communicative batfam members. If Alfred is the sassy version, Duke would get a good laugh out of those remarks and the astute observations.

Bruce and Duke angst could go hard. Bruce is trying so hard not to make his past mistakes. Duke and his perception of Bruce (he holds Bruce in high regard) and how that affects their relationship.

As far as Duke being in a "perceived to hate metas" family, that could either be hilarious or angst. I imagine people trying to intervene or "save" Duke from the Bats would be infuriating and sad to see.

Duke could also laugh at the batkids' superhero friends and how they, even as adults, are banned from entering Gotham. Duke is free to live in the manor and come and go as he pleases. Any of the batkid's meta friends have to be snuck into Gotham.

[magicalonsomanydances]

In preparation for the Spanish Grand Prix I feel I must give my ranking of my top 10 on the Grid as some way to soothe the frustration that I have no way to watch the race.

Carlos Sainz Vazquez de Castro Cenamor Rincón Rebollo Birto Moreno de Aranda de Anteriuga Tiapera Deltun absolute king of my heart and the reason I got into this sport. The prince charming of Spain who's so classy and gracious and just such a good teammate no matter where he is at. With his powerful tractor beam big brown eyes. Long live the smooth operator! Vamos Carlos!

Esteban Ocon. Am I aware that this is like loving the problematic lead in a film or book just cause he has babygirl energy? Yes. Is that gonna stop me? Hell naw! I like his backstory, disarmed by his squishy little face, and I vowed to defend him from all harm like the minute after I watched him analyze Cars as being an accurate depiction of various racing aspects. Plus he's from the same region of France as where my family originates. So while Carlos is my F1 husband Estie is like my F1 baby bro. I will call him "teapot" it's a long story feel free to send me an ask about it. I will also call him Esteban "Can Do No Wrong" Ocon. Yes I'm fully self aware of how delulu I am about this man having no flaws (he does I've just elected to ignore them in favor of being charmed by the innocent face)

Daniel Ricciardo - I'm from Texas, I'm an extrovert, I'm legally obligated to stan this man to the moon and back. The Honey Badger is my spirit animal. Not the actual creature, just chaos gremlin Daniel. His energy is infectious and he brings the party and he loves my state. How could I do anything but support him?

George Russell - he was probably the second crush I got in F1 and I kinda love how in spite of his posh model energy he actually isn't from some moneyed or legacy background and he's so delightfully clueless at times "goat, sorry?" And the videos of him with kiddos he's so sweet and attentive to them

Checo - the Mexican minister of Defense. The down to earth friendly dad energy. He's just so solid and sweet and I love what he does to help mellow Max just by ya know being the chill dad Max never had. Also he an authentic Mexican, endorsed Tex-Mex so obvs I'm gonna love this man and wanna get tacos and drinks. He has that approachable energy and given the US's one driver might not even have a seat next year I gotta support our neighbor Mexico's driver cause I sure ain't supporting the Canadian nepo baby

Fernando Alonso - this mainly has to do with sex appeal let's be real. He's got that edgy bad boy kinda external vibe in some ways but then he's backstage arranging flowers and it's like "I could fix him and make him settle down" he's got charm style and is basically an immortal and foxy as hell. Let me try to domesticate this man please!

Charles Leclerc - sweet, I would vote him most likely to be true even while he's traveling abroad being swooned over and having fans handing him marriage licenses. He's just a little too type A for me to love him like I do my golden retriever energy chaos creatures and chill guys of the previous 6. But he's great and it's because of him and Carlos in the C² videos that I got roped into this sport so he's gotta make it. Plus after all the loss he's experienced he's a real inspiration in staying kind in spite of the pain of life

Max Verstappen - speaking of inspirations my traumatized ass can't help but support one of my own. He's an icon of breaking cycles. Yes he's definitely had his issues but he's matured in some ways and while I don't care if he wins or not on the track I'm very invested in him winning at life which him being a doting stepdad to Penelope is the kind of healing that helps me heal too. Children of hard ass dads who didn't realize their childhood was fucked up, unite! Plus he's an absolute goofball and that's endearing

Logan Sargent - I'm american, independence day is literally my favorite holiday, I have to have this man in my top 10 and I genuinely do think he's a classy guy (especially considering he's from Florida) and I can't help but love how the one American driver is just so painfully American looking. He looks like Captain America fucked an apple pie. He looks like scientists designed an American in a lab. He looks like the Beach Boys had a grandson with the descendants of Betsy Ross. He looks like a team scoured frat parties for a year to find the most American looking guy in the country. He is Logan Sargent and he is Kenough.

Valterri Bottas - his absolute self confidence and zero fucks given. He does not take himself too seriously and he is wholesome AF. He also has practical guy energy. Like if I hand to rank drivers on Most Likely to Pull Over and Help You Change a Tire he's definitely in the top 3. He seems like getting his hands dirty is something he's not too good to do and he seems like a good dude. Plus he's hilarious. He's as chaotic as Daniel in some ways he's just a little less boisterous about it. Calm chaos vs 5 year old given 16 energy drinks in an hour Ricciardo energy

[whydoyoucare866]

heeeeeeeeeey!!! Can I request a Earth 42! Miles fic/Head canon? Where he has a little gremlin for a girlfriend??Pleeeeeeeeease??? Gracias!! ♥️

EARTH-42 MILES HC’s

Masterlist

Hi!! ofc you can! I hope I can meet your expectations since this is my first time writing HC’s, i didn’t know if you wanted it to be x reader or not, sorry I went a bit over the edge😭😭

Earth 42-Miles Morales x Gremlin Girlfriend

Okay, let’s start with the fact that since he is around his mom a lot, he has a really good Spanish, and a little bit of an accent while speaking english

Unless she understands Spanish, I don’t think he would speak it out of nowhere or that much, sure, maybe some spanglish, or him turning to Spanish when he forgets a word (Or unless he doesn’t want her to understand what he’s saying)

Rio would be a little skeptical at first if she’s not hispanic, or at least know how to say hi, please and thank you in Spanish, but she would be the sweetest once she accepts her

Let’s be honest, we all saw the way Earth-42 Miles is skinnier than Spider-man Miles and has way more eye bags, so his girlfriend and family would probably worry about him a lot

If she is hispanic, then everything changes, he would constantly speak Spanish around her and they would both speak it when they don’t want anyone to understand them

Now onto the gremlin thing (i’m a tall girl so i’m sorry if i didn’t get this right)

So, we all know Miles isn’t the tallest, but he isn’t the short, so it wouldn’t be hard for him to be with a girl who is way shorter than him

I think he would use cringy Spanish nicknames but in a teasing way, he would definitely make fun of her by calling her “enana” or “chaparrita”

It would take a while for him to un ironically use Spanish nicknames, because he would definitely cringe at them at first

I don’t think he would call her mamacita, (maybe he would but I hate that nickname so let’s pretend he wouldn’t)

He would probably make fun of her by putting his arm on top of his head, or putting stuff on the higher place so you can’t reach it

I think his gf would probably get into trouble by thinking she can beat bigger guys who happen to upset her and he would have to either defend her or drag her out of there

He loves the height difference, specially when they’re cuddling, or when he’s holding her hand and he realizes the size diferente

Okay, I think he would need a girl who’s the opposite of him, bubbly, positive, or at least someone who has the ability to make him see positively at least for a second

This man would PROTECT HER with his life, he can’t risk losing someone else

He would think it’s kinda funny when she tries to act mad because she’s just too adorable, unless it’s serious, then even he can fear her

The man would HATE when other guys use her height to try and flirt with her by “making fun of her for being short”, or even worse comparing hands with her

He would think it’s cute and maybe a little bit funny when she gets jealous or as i said, anything that involves her being mad, for him it would be hilarious to see a little person red of anger either trying to contain herself or being over dramatic

Would probably make her jealous on purpose just to see that

He would have a bitch face and everyone would ask her if her boyfriend hated them, unless he’s with her

He would LOVE to hug you and feel the height difference

Picking you up really easily while tickling each other, or her ignoring her, which is kinda unfair

He would be really open with her and allow himself to be happy, just when they’re alone though, don’t get me wrong, he isn’t afraid of being seen treating his girl right, but in public he can’t bee seen as someone vulnerable and would probably just keep a straight face while listening to her babble about something, people would even doubt that he is good for you (of course he is)

I don’t think sleepover’s with him would be that regular even if he wanted them to be, he has a hispanic mom and they’re really strict about girls and boys sleeping in the same place, it would take a while to convince Rio to let them have a sleepover (and her mom as well if she’s hispanic)

When they do have sleepovers don’t doubt that he would fall asleep with her on his chest

[djcarnationsblog]

Y'ALL HEAR ME OUT, HEAR ME OUT- (this is gonna have so many of my 2003 hcs in here and I do not apologize in advance/aff)

I GOT A 2003 LEOSAGI IDEA BUT IT'S A LITTLE LESS ROMANCE AND A LITTLE MORE-

LITTLE BROTHERS IN THEIR GREMLIN MODE

I feel like Leo was NOT subtle at all with his crush, and all of his brothers could tell. And so Usagi got invited over a lot more because EVERYONE wanted him over

(Leo did not sense the impending doom in this decision until it was too late)

So you see, there is the younger sibling way of law (imo), where the younger siblings are obligated to be gremlins to their oldest sibling, ESPECIALLY around the oldest sibling's crush.

And these motherfuckers DO NOT DISAPPOINT-

There was a time where Leo and Usagi were having pleasant conversation, y'know? They were chillin', it was all fine and dandy.

And then in the motherfucking distance you hear an approaching;

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-"

CUE MIKEY AND RAPH FUCKING BODY SLAMMING LEO INTO THE GROUND AND JUST START WRESTLING THIS MOTHERFUCKER, NO RHYME OR REASON BESIDES THE FACT THAT LEO'S BEEN TALKING TO USAGI AND THEY HAD TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT-

Usagi is just blinking rapidly off to the side, and Donnie just walks up beside him sippin' on some apple juice and just goes "Yeah, this is par for the course."

There was another time where Donnie and Mikey were hanging out with Usagi, showing him cartoons and shit.

And then all of a sudden Leo just bolts past the couch, running for his goddamn life with Raph hot on his trail with the most shit eating grin ever-

And when Mikey asks what's up, they turn around to witness Leo just parkour his fucking ass onto the wall-

and so now he's just climbing up as far as he can go while Raph is following him from the floor, calling after him and calling him all sorts of things while Leo's just yelling at him like "STOP!! SHUT UP!!! RAPH!!!!"

Now Mikey is losing his shit, Usagi is wondering how he got up there so easily, and Donnie?

Donnie's gettin' ideas dude. He's gettin' ideas.

So watch as this purple motherfucker grabs one of Mikey's stress balls, aims for it-

and just starts yeeting that ball at Leo.

Now Raph is losing his shit as Leo's trying to fend off this fucking ball that Donnie keeps pelting at him, and Usagi's like "Why are you throwing that at him??? What are you both doing??"

Donnie's response? "It's the younger brother in me. I gotta listen to it."

So now Mikey starts fuckin' with Leo and starts shouting "BURN THE TURTLE!!! BURN HIM AT THE STAKE!!! HIS NINJOSITY IS A SIN UPON THIS WORLD!!!"

Donnie turn to him like, "why the hell do you know about that???"

And then RAPH turns to him like, "Comparing Leo to a witch? That is an insult to the witches, Mikey, apologize."

So now they're ALL ganging up on Leo, who's yelling at them and clinging to dear life on one of the pipes on the CEILING howdidhegetthere-

And Usagi's in the back, muffling his chuckles because this is actually funny as fuck-

Poor Leo though.

Adding onto that scene, we have Raph be like, "Why are you up there anyways??? Aren't you scared of heights?"

Leonardo immediately defending himself in the wrong way by saying "I WAS A CHILD RAPH, I HAD A CHILD'S MIND IT WASN'T MY FAULT!!"

Usagi latches onto that SO quickly bro like- "You? A Ninja? You used to be afraid of heights?"

All three of the gremlins start laughing and Leo's sputtering to deflect like a motherfucker.

"Now-now here's the thing with younger brothers, Usagi, they lie all the time-"

"EXQUEESE ME???"

"NOW HOLD ON THERE, DUDE-"

"WHOMST THE FUCK IS LYING HERE?!?!?"

Raph rats out Leo so fast by recalling him being afraid of heights until like, he was five. And then Donnie IMMEDIATELY backs up his twin (yes I fw the hc of them being twins sue me-) by going "He was afraid until he was six. I counted."

Leo here though? Gotta defend his pride here bro-

"You know what, here's another thing about siblings-FUCK YOU BOTH-"

Y'ALL THEY AAAAALL STARTLED AT THAT BC LEO HERE DON'T CUSS MUCH UNTIL HE REALLY WANNA INSTILL THE FEAR OF GOD INTO YOU-

Mikey makin' that their cue to gtfo like "NOW WE GOTTA SKEDADDLE, NOW WE GOTTA GET THE DIDDLY DARN FUCK ON OUT OF HERE-"

The way they all ran for the hills the moment Leo dropped from the ceiling was GLORIOUS

(Leo will forever be proud of making Usagi laugh until he snorted.)

(Even though he had to kill some lil' bros to do it)

And so imagine when they get together, right?

Oh god, oh no, oh shit-

That ^^^ is exactly what goes through Leo's mind when he tells his brothers, because he KNOWS just what they're gonna exploit and fucking HOW-

Because here's the thing.

They're all turtles. They still got basic turtle instincts, no matter how much more human they act than turtle, it is IN THEIR NATURE TO BE TEETLEZ AND THAT WILL BACKFIRE SO HARD ON LEO THAT HE FAILS SUCCESSFULLY???? SORT OF???

Like, here, look-

Imagine the amount of shit they would spill to Usagi about Leo, not only regarding things like his love language and shit, but also about basic turtle love language.

One of those being the fact that turtles will tap/slap their mates on the face to show affection. Albeit for the turtle boys, the slaps would be pretty gentle and shit.

Usagi? Found this hilarious.

He did this the first time he came to visit as Leo's official boyfriend. They were all excited to see him (and excited to see if he'd go through with it, cuz c'mon, who doesn't want Leo blackmail?) and Leo's just happy to see his bby again cause Leonardo 'I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU AND YOU ARE GORGEOUS AND EVERYTHING I COULD EVER WANT AND NEED IN MY LIFE' Splinterson is what some may call a 'Raging Homosexual'

So they greet each other with a hug, all's well and they're happy to see each other.

And then Usagi taps him on both of his cheeks with a mischievous lil' smile.

THE WAY THIS MOTHERFUCKER SHUTS RIGHT THE FUCK DOWN-

OH THIS POOR POOR BOI, OH YOU POOR THING

FUCKING SUFFER

The way his hands were flapping like crazy almost the entire day afterwards was honestly the most adorable thing Usagi had ever seen.

And it felt nice when Leo shyly tapped him back. It was very cute-

There's also the thing where like, apart from not being fond of most touch, turtles and some tortoises definitely don't mind shell scratches or neck scratches.

You can easily tell how Usagi got his ass trapped under an eeping Leo on the couch. He didn't even have the heart to try and move the bitch, they both just fell asleep there.

Mikey got his well deserved $20 out of their bet.

NOW I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE SO RIP RIGHT THERE, BUT LIKE, Y'ALL SEE THE VISION RIGHT??? TRUST ME, THESE LITTLE SHITS WOULD DIAL UP THE LITTLE SHITERY TO A TWELVE

Leo wants to hate them, but like, they sorta helped him bag a bad bitch so he can't ENTIRELY complain

[frollosversion]

Part 2 because fuck society.

"How much of a Father am I?"

If you haven't read the part 1 yet, do check it out.

To new readers, this is Frollo's fatherhood journey backstory into warding Quasimodo.

Part 1

Part 3

— con't —

If Frollo thinks nursing a baby is hard, babysitting a toddler is harder.

"Oh... oh-! oh!! Oh you're walking! You're walking, my dear boy!" Frollo exclaimed when Quasimodo took his first steps.

"Seems to me that you are starting to like the baby, Claude." The archdeacon steps in to check on the two. Frollo was sitting on the floor, Quasimodo was now standing on his own two feet, forwarding a little because of the hump on his back

"WHAT?!" Claude bitterly responded as he helps the baby stand up as he falls on his butt. his face fuming red after the archdeacon's statement.

"You heard me." The archdeacon simply answered.

"Silence you, old fool. I'm not enjoying this nor am i liking the baby." Claude defended. "I'm just teaching him how to walk to make him look more...human. This thing is one of the world's questionable creations. I'm just making it tolerable."

"Say what you want to say Claude.. But i say The Nile is a river in Egypt..." The archdeacon teased and left the bell tower to which Frollo sighed in annoyance.

"That wasn't even a funny joke..." Claude muttered sassily.

.

A year have already passed and the child grew more curious... and frollo hated that the most.

So he spends most of his time scolding and "disciplining" the little boy for his little games.

"Stop that!"

"Quasimodo, try that one more time or i won't feed you for a day."

"Enough that nonsense, you insolent trash."

"You're ugly that's why you're here."

"You are deformed and no people would look at you like they would a normal child. Be glad I took you in."

"Say you're a monster, you stubborn child."

Yep.

Claude still hates the boy to the core for everyone's knowledge. If anything, he still wants him gone. He missed his life. So much for being an instant parent.

He still works in the Palace of Justice during the morning, he teaches Quasimodo alphabet, monitors and cleans him during lunch, and works on case files as a judge during the night... at the bell tower. still staying with the baby.

Claude scribbles to his folders and sighs to the criminal cases that he's handling all day, muttering cusses, trying his best not to get too much stressed in front of the child.

Quasimodo coos softly, then stands up, assisting his little body on Claude's thigh, bouncing up and down as he sees him talking to himself.

"Don't you have anything else to do, gremlin?" He asks the baby who was still bouncing.

"You can stay here if you want, but help me with this murder case. If you're not going to, kindly go over there— on the corner, or I'll chuck you out the window." He said with a thick sarcasm.

Claude groans softly as the baby remained unbothered.

"Get out of here. I'll feed you later.."

"M-ma..."

Frollo's eyes widened and looked at the baby, it looks like he's going to say his first word.

"FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. SAY IT YOU UGLY GOBLIN. SAY "MASTER". " He thought excitedly but he's looking at the baby plainly to hide an ounce of anticipation.

"Ma.. mama.."

Claude blinked now looking with disgust, Quasimodo reached out with grabby hands.

"Ugh. You terrify me." He rolled his eyes as he looked on the child's face.

"But that was impressive. I now want youbto say "master" next time. I'll give it to you for now." He lifts the toddler in his arms and hugs him tightly, rocking him gently.

"Mama.." Quasimodo babbled.

"Yeah.. Mama's fine for now."

It was a tiring night of tablework and babysitting but he couldn't sleep as one thought bothers him so much. He looks at his ward sleeping soundly beside him.

'This thing is one of the world's questionable creations'

'Say what you want to say, Claude.. But i say The Nile is a river in Egypt...'

'The Nile is a river... in Egypt.'

'The Nile is a...'.

'The Nile...'

'Denial...'

"Screw it, I'm getting attached."

[see-arcane]

I came across your Jonathan in Hellsing posts and read and reread them enough times to burn them into my brain. The ideas you come up with are fantastic! But I was wondering if you had any thoughts on a Jonathan vs Anderson dynamic? Not necessarily physically fighting (though they definitely could) but like, in regards to their morals, relationship with god, and interactions with Dracucard.

(Ps. Obsessed w your Dracula sequel book and I hope it gets made into a movie that remains true to the characterizations you write and reshapes how the collective public views the characters forever!)

Thank you, this will sustain my gremlin of a writer ego for days

Jonathan and Anderson would have an interesting dynamic. Naturally they have to wind up in opposition if Jonathan's nominally on Team Hellsing. Anderson is fighting using holy magic and sci-fi/Christ sorcery-based regeneration and strength: Cool! He's using all of that to slay monsters: Cool! He has no filter when it comes to what he deems a 'monster,' no matter their actual innocence or level of humanity: Not Cool. In fact, it likely triggers a very specific flavor of ire Jonathan had to swallow back after seeing a certain Wafer burn.

(God is love. But that love is conditional. A truth that holds across the multiverse, apparently.)

((Cue the ringing of steel against steel. Because they've got to get into some kukri versus bayonet action.))

Actual confrontation has to happen when Jonathan either witnesses some arbitrary zealot-edged murder or he jumps to defend Seras or others from his pouncing. Anderson probably lumps Jonathan in with Alucard and Seras' situation at first--up until he learns that the only scar on Alucard's person, the fresh red line over his brow, came from Jonathan.

"Stole some sacred blade for him to play with, did you?"

"Oh no." A grin from Alucard, delighted to tattle. "A shovel spade. Just to prove a point. I do believe he might put us both out of the job before long. He doesn't need any specific toys to play this game. It's all him, Anderson. God picked a favorite whether he likes Him or not."

(And it wasn't you. He may put me down before you ever get the chance. Ha.)

((Notably he never defines what 'god' he refers to, but this framing twists the knife in Anderson better as well as making Jonathan a bit twitchy. It's complicated.))

Anderson takes this. Weirdly. He doesn't have quite the same 'Only I can do X! Only you can do Y!' fixation that Alucard seems to have about someone special~ doing the deed of killing him/being his equal et cetera. His whole deal is an obsessive need to Slay the Monsters. So he looks at Jonathan, sadly Protestant (probably? still? again, complicated), but obviously roiling with reflexive Hate for Alucard, possessing the ability to actually put the overpowered fucker down, and not doing it. Why?

"What is it they have on you, lad? Who has your leash to keep you from doing what comes natural, eh?"

Another clang.

"He's on a leash," said like lead. "He's being put to work for," bitter, bitter, bitter, "a greater good. And the sins I hate him for are long dead."

Sins slightly askew from those he recalls in his history. Van Helsing--no, Hellsing--would not let them slay Dracula back then. Enslaved him instead. Made a thrall of the one who wanted thralls. It is...somewhat uneasy to think of. Enslavement is a position far worse than destruction; it's the same way the Count meant to prey on them. He doesn't like it.

He hates Dracula. He is nauseous in Alucard's presence. But still. He does not like this. Yet where else is there for a time and universe-displaced Victorian cryptid to go?

"That power was given for a reason. Use it, lad. Put it to work against the foul things it was made for. Iscariot's got room for your like if you only repent and turn that knife the right way."

"My life was saved more than once by faith and by the faithful as you know them," Jonathan admits with a bow. "God is love," under his breath.

"That He is--,"

Slice.

Blood spills. The wounds do not heal, the bayonet cannot be gathered up in either shaking hand.

(This Power wounds monsters.)

"No. My god is Love. I have seen your God's love in action. I have been shielded by it and seen it betray the most virtuous soul in Creation. I cannot put my faith in anything so fickle. Especially not in you, who would murder a girl for her sharp teeth or strangers who dare to point out you have acted against a mutual peace. Go home and pray the pain away, Father. Now, or you will not leave with all your pieces."

Anderson exits. Alucard is going to combust out of sheer glee. Iscariot is put on alert alongside Millennium, both groups getting cagey about the concept of new unprecedented competition. Iscariot doesn't like Hellsing having another anti-supernatural ace up their sleeve and the Major and company hate the thought that someone else might have a chance at putting Alucard down (if the bat bastard allows it; he's waiting for Jonathan to juice up as a weightier cryptid for a proper throwdown).

In the meantime, Anderson ponders his cut arms, slowly healing as an ordinary man's would. He shoves Jonathan back on the same shelf as Alucard. Another monster in need of slaying--a blasphemous one of a different make. Some pagan divinity must be at his shoulder. No other. No other.

His arms ache.

[haveihitanerve]

okay so i have taken many a 'what batkid are you' quizzes and honestly the end explanation just doesnt really vibe with me and iits never articulate enough, so i decided to make a list of the batkids and their personalities (all decided by me) so if you want to take a quiz and then see if my description fits you better youre welcome to, or if you just want to see which batkid describes you best feel free too

Dick- you have a lot of deep seated trauma but you’re working through it. You tend to cover it with a smile and a laugh and are usually the older sister of the group, prioritizing other people over yourself. Your anger runs deep and you don't have a short fuse but when you do finally snap it is a sight to behold. You have one person in your life who is always there for you to fall back on and lets you release your anger on them. You make them a better person and they do the same for you. You trust easily and are fiercely loyal. Just remember its okay to be loyal to yourself too. 

Babs- you are the mom friend in the group. Mad analytical, probably a whiz with technology, but you have good emotional skills too. You’re always focused on helping others out and are there for them when they need a good rant and some warm tea. You are a killer listener. You have some trauma, but instead of being overcome by it you embraced it and let it be a part of you for all to see. You worked through it and are stronger for it. Your net of people you love and trust goes far and deep, and everywhere you go you know at least someone. Thats not to say your trust is given freely, it is just more bendable. You take care of everyone but remember its okay to take care of yourself first.

Jason- your anger runs deep, but you are trying to improve. You find it hard to trust people because your trust was once shattered by someone who was supposed to always be there for you. You have a quick temper and short fuse but once your anger is out its usually over. (until of course your next temper explosion) You have a few good people in your life who you rely on and they help with the anger. Despite what people might think you are also a caretaker at heart and will help someone in need, regardless of your anger towards them. You have some issues but its okay, everyone does. Just remember its okay to let people in sometimes.

Cass- you are a badass. A little quiet, you are the observer. You notice the things others look over, like people. But don't mistake the quietness for lack of words to say. You are fiercely vocal when you wish to be, especially when it comes to defending those who cannot defend themselves or your friends. You have a knack for reading peoples emotions and know just what to say when your friend is feeling upset. The people in your life that you love and that love you sometimes have a hard time seeing that they are worthy of love, but you are there to remind them. Just remember to show yourself a little love too, and its not wrong to be quiet, so long as you are not silenced. 

Tim- you are a mad man. Probably super smart but you live off of just spite for the world and caffeine. The people in your life that you trust are all extroverts and you are actually the introvert most of the time, but unlike normal situations you actually adopted them. You would tear yourself apart for the ones you love but just remember you don't always have to. They are there to work with you, not be protected by you. 

Steph- you are a child of chaos. A gremlin. You’re the sassy, witty, snarky, confident, and funny member of your group. Despite what people may think you have a very strong moral compass and love fiercely. Those few people in your circle who you trust you would defend to the death and those who harm them better watch their backs. Something happened when you were younger who shaped that moral compass today but you don't allow the ghosts of the past to haunt you anymore. They tend to flee at the first wise crack. Humor is a bit of a coping mechanism but you also have others that are more healthy. Remember its okay to cry sometimes or let your guard down, its not weak and you have people that love you who are watching your back. 

Damian- you are short. Im sorry to say it but you probably are. You have a bit of anger inside you, but you also have impressive self control and so i doesn't come out unless you need it to. You are aggressively loyal to those who have earned your trust and respect and would do anything to make them proud. You struggle a bit with seeing your own worth but those you have surrounded yourself with are always there to remind you how amazing you are. You are a very big animal lover and never shy away from a fight. You give off little sibling vibes, but you can also be incredibly wise and are sometimes like the old uncle. (sorry that was a weird comparison but it just feels right) You need to remember that you worth is not in correlation with your accomplishments.

[siriusly-amazing]

I wrote thousands of notes yesterday, so here's my thoughts about episode 4;

- firstly; Armand and Louis' speech is falling out of rhythm, and they're starting to contradict eachother. Meanwhile him and hallucination(?) Lestat are talking in sync and moving in a very familiar way

- Armand is slowly destroying Claudia, and it's so sad to see, but I am an Armand lover so I can’t be too mad

- "I was severing a bond and knitting another" this script is just too gorgeous

- Claudia and Madeleine are so cute. (Claudia has got his father's tendencies /see Memnoch/)

- Armands backstory? I was actually bawling there. It's so tragic, although one of my favourite TVA scenes was with Ivan and his mother I find book!Armand being ripped away from his life so tragic

- Armands physical age is 27. I know book!Armand is jealous

- manipulative gremlin.

- and now my suddenly problematic fave Daniel who seems to be quite the teenage asshole. I actually love the Devil's minion crumbs and can't wait for next week.

- here comes my trying to defend him with some shitty theory though; what if there Armand talking to him flashbacks are him planting memories into Daniel. Maybe. Just maybe.

[zsakuva]

Hey Saku! I’ve been following your VA stories for a while now, and Alex’s audios have been such a treat to listen and analyze. Especially seeing everyone’s reactions to each one that comes out 🫢 (WARNING LONG MESSAGE) 

I saw on a post that you said you intended for others to see how the listener is a very flawed person, and clearly has major issues that they haven’t dealt with in a healthy way. But I’ve been seeing comments and there’s still people who really dislike Alex with a passion. I know some people have had situations like this in real life, and it’s a lot more complicated situation. So they may have more insight on this than me. I’m just solely judging the fictional characters here FYI. 

    I understand that he isn’t a perfect character and one thousand percent has some flaws of his own, and needs to apologize for what he has done and said, but even after we find out the listener literally followed Alex when he was with Natalie people still think he’s the major red flag that messed up the relationship? Maybe I’m being a little harsh but if I had a partner like the listener and they did everything they did- I wouldn’t have reacted to it nonchalantly. Maybe I wouldn’t suddenly resort to breaking up, but I would have to reassess the relationship. Yes, communication would’ve helped the situation but it wouldn’t have taken back the actions the listener did. And while both of them have to deal with the consequences of their behavior, I don’t think he deserves the amount of “dislike” he gets 😭

     All that to say a lot of people are villainizing Alex when he really didn’t do anything that jaw dropping except be closed off, hypocritical, and a bit of a gaslighter during arguments, which are not healthy reactions, but can happen when emotions get involved. The audience won’t ever know what the listener said back to him during the conversations so they no doubtably could’ve gaslighted him back🫡 Not a complete Alex defender, I don’t particularly like him (the two should definitely not be together) but I also don’t think he’s as terrible as he’s made out to be sometimes.

(Apologies for the paragraph) I do have a short question on it, 

  When you started fleshing out Alex and the listener as characters did you imagine the audience would see them as they do now?  Or was it a surprise to read the differing opinions and conclusions the crumpets came too?  (thank you again for creating such complex and thought invoking audios) 🫶🏻

When I decided to dive into this particular part of their relationship, I knew there would be discourse but I wasn't expecting it to be so divisive. I love reading everyone's opinions; there are so many factors at play to have them draw whatever conclusion they've settled on.

Some might draw from a personal experience, others solely from Alex, or solely from Gremlin, or a third party looking in. All opinions of Alex and Gremlin are valid, and as a writer who loves breaking down characters, it's amazing to see so many discussions about something I've created.

Of course, I have my own opinions regarding their situation, but I'll keep most of that to myself; I'm in a unique position to be omniscient so I'll observe instead!