#i watched some of the anime. it was my first anime series! i think our trip to japan was soon after so yeah

[astrxealis]

hi pokemon fans. pokemon was kinda my childhood but i never dedicated much of my time to it because of my various other interests but i want to get into it more now (better late than never) !! how do i. get more into it

[agarthanguide]

Hi there, hope you’re doing good!! I had a question about FCG’s design, both old and new. I was rewatching Treasure Planet the other night, and looking at B.E.N. I couldn’t help but be reminded of our beloved Letters. Was there any influence from that media specifically, or was it a fun coincidence??

Def a fun coincidence. I may have seen Treasure Planet, but I sure don't remember it.

Lots of people have asked if FCG is based on this robot or that robot, but the truth is- I know nothing about robots. I'm not a robot person, and I like animation but not to the point where I follow animated series, so almost every reference point that was brought up for FCG was new, to me. This is a bit like what my inspo looked like-

(I do know Claptrap, and Gizmoduck was specifically mentioned by Sam. I watched several episodes of Duck Tales while working on early FCG, for some reason.)

But Sam did most of the construction. Because the first page of my pitch looked like this-

I was so worried that I was gonna fuck up on my first robot ever that I made the decision to start with everything and force Sam to sculpt the final.

I like the idea that there's something familiar about FCG's weird head, his jutting hips, his gently curved forearms. People reacted with such warmth to FCG, and I think that's mostly Sam, but I hope my contribution at least didn't dissuade anyone from feeling close to the completed character. So the comparisons to other pop culture robots are such a compliment, to me. Maybe it's just our collective pareidolia, but I think it's admirable that we as humans are so ready to accept a robot face as inherently deserving and Known, to us.

[ldysmfrst]

American Mate - (4)

First Case of Alpha Space

Paring: Hybrid!BTS Ot7 x Plus-sized Human FemReader

Status: Ongoing series

Chapter number: 4 of unknown

Word count for Chapter: 4132

Work count for Story: 16,244

Genre: Hybrid Playmate Au inspired by works created by @yoongiofmine

A little about the author: I am a mother of two beautiful children. One of which is special needs, and on 3/28, they lost 75% of their vision. I have had to take time off work to accommodate many MANY doctor appointments. I started a Ko-fi if you feel the heart to donate towards helping with the medical costs of appointments, medication, and modifications to the house, which insurance doesn't cover.

Warnings: (I am not good at this, but I will try. Let me know if I missed anything!!) NOT BETA READ!! This story will have a bit of angst, fluff, smut, f/m, m/m, and m/f/m. This chapter does have Injury, Anxiety, Panic attacks, comfort, Alpha Space, and Cultural differences.

BTS HYBRID ANIMAL TYPES: Seokjin - Roan Ferret, Yoongi - Black Jaguar, Hoseok - Marten, Namjoon - Alaskan Timber Wolf, Jimin - Red Panda, Taehyung - White Southwest African Tiger, Jungkook - Flemish Giant Rabbit

AMERICAN MATE MASTER LIST / LDYSMFRST MASTER LIST

Is it really that big of a deal that you got hurt? My god, you were 35 already. You have never lived a sheltered life. You have had your fair share of broken bones, twisted ankles, scrapes, and bruises. 

You are always going on adventures, riding horses, and climbing things you probably should not be climbing. The external scars you bear are associated with stories that are good conversation starters when you feel like showing them. 

Things would be difficult for a while because you are right-handed. You have a few days of sick time saved up that you can use to start with. Hopefully, this will help you gain some kind of compliance from your award left hand. 

Work, however, is going to be the hard part. Luckily, your work is typically done on electronics, meaning nothing has to be handwritten. Even if you tried to write left-handed, no one could read it. You would bet money doctors had better writing than you did. Dictation software to save the day!

Hearing Derek’s voice broke you out of your thoughts regarding your near future. Watching him act cautiously while interacting with the other hybrid was interesting. There is clearly a difference in how he acts with Yoongi than Evie. Giggling to yourself at the mention of being a mate with Derek gains the attention of both. 

“Oh, sorry. The thought of being a mate, much less to Derek, was amusing, I guess.” 

You missed the slight frown that briefly graced both men’s faces. Derek thought you were implying he wasn’t mate material, and Yoongi thought you believed you were not worthy of being a mate.                  

“Thanks Y/n. I let you know that I am a catch despite being a Beta. Besides, this isn’t about me right now. We need to get the leadership involved with what to do moving forward. Are you okay if we bring in the others?”

“Yes, please. I need to speak with Director Johnson, fill out an incident report… um or dictate an incident report, and then get to a doctor.” Attempting to stand up, you are blocked by the golden-yellow eyes that have not stopped watching your every move.

”Mr. Min, I need to get some things done and take care of my wrist.”

Yoongi’s eyes narrow, and a soft growl pours through the room, causing your eyes to widen. You look over your shoulder at Derek with a ‘what-the-F-did-I-do’ expression, only to be met with a smirk.

“Y/n, I don’t think you understand what is going on. You haven’t dealt with a situation like this before. You may love hybrids but you still have limited interactions with our culture and this dynamic.”

Walking backward toward the door, Derek continues, “With the state of mind that Mr. Min is in, it might be best if a packmate explains.”

Derek opens the break room door to face Hoseok, Teahyung, Namjoon, and Jungkook, who are all staring. “Oh, Hi there.”

Then, as if someone had turned the mute off, they all started talking simultaneously. 

“Is Yoongi-hyung dropped yet?”

“그 사람 괜찮아요?”

“Why does she still smell hurt?”

“Wait, wait, wait, please,” Derek puts his hands up, motioning to stop.

“I do not know Korean for one and for two Mr. Min has gone into full non-verbal Alpha Space and I  am not sure he will be coming out of it anytime soon. However, one of you should go in to handle the situation  and she needs to talk with Director Johnson.”

At the mention of the director, a low growl came from Taehyung, causing Derek to take a step back and lower his eyes in an automatic response to a displeased Alpha.

The scent of calming leather gently flows over the group at the door as Namjoon steps forward. His mind is still reeling a million miles a second with you being their mate and you being injured. To top it off, Yoongi is on a deep level of Alpha Space.

“Sorry about that. I can come in, but the director is busy at the moment dealing with the playmates, corporate office, and Manager Sejin,” Namjoon apologizes as he enters the room.

He follows Derek to where his packmate and Y/n are situated at a table. Taehyung and Jungkook follow quickly.

They both kneel respectfully behind Yoongi. Their Alphas recognize that Yoongi is currently in charge of you, and it would be unwise to display anything that could be considered a threat by approaching you too quickly.

They both need to be close to you, and their instincts to be with their injured mate drive their actions. Looking you over for injuries, their eyes resting on your wrist with furrowed brows and set jaws. 

Taehyung’s eyes change to crystal blue as his tail flickers almost in time with Yoongi’s as he slips into Alpha Space. 

“Namjoon-hyung, Y/n is hurt. She needs a hospital, I think,” Jungkook says, his ears standing straight up on his head, one-pointedly focused on you and the other twitching between his Prime Alpha and the door. 

“It is not that big of an issue, Mr. Jeon, Mr. Min, and Mr. Kim.” Looking up from the trio in front of you and addressing the Prime Alpha, “Sir, I have specific protocols to follow due to company procedure. I have to talk with the Director.” 

A growl from one of the men in front of you freezes your words, unsure of what you did to cause their reactions. Internally, you groan because it seems all you get from them are growls, as if you vex them more than you humanly possible. 

“Miss Y/n, we have already talked to Director Johnson,” Namjoon says with a look of distaste. 

“He has been informed that you are now under the care of Bangtan Pack following hybrid customs.  It would be wise to refrain from talking about him at the moment, he did not leave a good impression with the pack.”

Your brows scrunch in confusion, making the hybrids want to coo at your cute face. Clearing his throat (aka his mind), Namjoon continues, “We have more pressing matters to attend to besides paperwork.” 

“You are injured, and we have to get you to a doctor. Manager Sejin is currently contacting one of our personal physicians that we normally use while on tour to have you treated.”

“What? Why would I use your doctor? I can just go to the local clinic.” Your scent spikes almost like a heavy perfume with anxiety with the flashbacks of your nightmare. 

“Please, I have taken up much of your time, and caused enough problems as it is. I can take care of myself. I don’t want to be a bother.”

At your words, you are surrounded by multiple growls and watched by now golden-yellow, crystal blue, and smokey gray eyes. Scooting back in the chair, you nervously ask, “Derek, what did I do?”

“Y/n, you really don’t get it do you? For as smart as you are, sometimes you can be oblivious.” He smiles and shakes his head, stepping back from the group and heading towards the door.

“Mr. Kim, as Prime Alpha, you might want to explain what is happening and what she should be expecting. Mind you, she has been fiercely independent for the last 15 years of her life.”

“I wish you the best with her. It won’t be easy, trust me, I know. Good Luck.” Derek bows slightly to Namjoon once he reaches the break room door.

Looking at you again, this time with a smile filled with adoration for his best friend and what he thinks your future may hold, Derek says, “Relax and have fun.” Then he turns and leaves the room. 

As Derek leaves the room, he smiles at the remaining pack guarding the door. “Mr. Kim, Mr. Jung, and Mr.Park, I think your human does not understand what is happening.”

“Our human? So you know?” Seokjin questions with wide, cautious eyes.

Derek looks over his shoulder at the closed break room door. “At first, I thought it was just a typical Alpha reaction with him being the cause of Y/n getting injured, but his care and gentleness seemed to come from somewhere deeper. Add on the fact that your other two are fighting Alpha space. It would be hard to miss.”

“The other two?” someone asks.

Shaking his head, Derek looks back at the remaining three. “Yes, the younger Mr. Kim and Mr. Jeon’s Alphas surfaced just before I left. Your Prime Alpha is going to try to sort things out, but he may need some back up.”

“Meanwhile I am going to find our boss and see what needs to be done before you all run  away with her.” Derek leaves the pack to mull over the new information.

“Tae has never been one to control his Alpha well when one of us is hurt. I am not surprised if he slipped once near her. Kook always runs on instinct too, so it makes sense he slipped as well,” Seokjin contemplates. 

“Should we stay out here? Miss y/n’s pack member said it would be better to go in and help Namjoon? Three of us in Alpha space with an injured mate is not going to be easy,” Hoseok adds. 

Nibbling on his lower lip, Jimin thinks of ways to handle the situation. Even though he is one of the younger packmates, keeping the pack calm is his gift. 

He just doesn’t know how to handle you yet, especially since you don’t know what you mean to the pack.

“Good, at least three of you are here, and I assume the rest have made their way into the room with Miss Y/n,” Manager Sejin says while walking up to the group. 

“I have spoken with Big Hit, the Director at Playmate Service Incorporated, and Dr. Blackwell. Everyone is onboard and the doctor is ready to go.”

“Thank you,” Seokjin says, feeling relief that no one seems to be fighting this. “Namjoon is in with the rest of the pack and Miss Y/n, we should go in. From what Mr. Gulley says, Miss y/n does not seem to understand the situation to the fullest. I just hope that Namjoon can clear some things up.”

“Relax and have fun? What does he mean by that?” You mumble as you glare at the now-closed door that one of your best friends just shut. 

He willingly left you with four Alpha male idols. 

Three of them are kneeling on the floor with non-human eyes, and the Prime Alpha, looking around the room like the way to explain what's happening is painted on the walls.

Taking a breath, you say, “Mr. Kim, Prime Alpha… Sir. Derek is right. I have no actual experience with Alphas. I can tell that there must be some kind of instinctual drive going on, and there are trigger words or actions.”

“I don’t want to cause any more trouble than I already have. What do I do to make it easier for your pack?”

At your words, the kneeling Alphas gave a multitude of pleasant chirps. You looked at the three of them, a little confused. They seemingly smiled and made almost the same sound at what you said.

Okay, so they can growl and chirp. Your curiosity spikes when you think of what other animal-like sounds they can make as hybrids.

Drawing your attention back to him, Namjoon finds the words to explain what is happening, “Miss Y/n, you have done so much to help the Bangtan Pack feel welcome today.”

With a gentle smile, he continues, “So please relax, you have not caused any trouble, and we highly doubt that you will.” 

Thinking to himself, ‘At least, not in the way you seem to be thinking.’

“Alpha’s run with a higher level of instinct than your Beta packmember. As an Alpha, Yoongi instinctually feels responsible for your injury. In order to calm that instinct, a few things will most likely need to happen.” 

Watching as you seem to sit up with interest, he continues, “First things first, he and his Alpha need to get at least your injury treated.”

“He has to be the one to take me to get it treated? I can’t have him go with me to the clinic! There are fans and sasaengs and the media! What about your schedule? You always hear about the tight schedules Idols have and you have already spent all afternoon here over this.”

You start panicking about the hordes of people you hear about following the band around. God, the amount of bad publicity that would come from catching you and THE Suga of BTS at a clinic. You can’t imagine what nonsense they would come up with?

Your scent goes into an even heavier version; it takes on an almost alcoholic aspect. The kneeling Alphas instinctually send out calming pheromones while moving closer. 

Yoongi’s tail, still wrapped around your ankle, tightens while he gently rubs the back of your injured hand, which he is cradling protectively. 

Taehyung starts to purr softly, hoping that the sound will comfort you. 

Jungkook, on instinct alone, scoots up to your left side, nudges his head under your left hand, and rests on your leg.

The feeling of Jungkook’s head on your leg snaps you out of your thoughts and brings you back into the room. You hold still as you start to recognize similar comforting behaviors the Alphas are doing with those that Evie always does, allowing you to take a deep breath.

“Sorry. I was raised to take care of myself and not impose on others.”

“Miss Y/n, you are not imposing. Again, Yoogni ran into you while rushing out of the room, and it's his responsibility to make amends. Actually, as a bonded pack, it is our responsibility, too.”

“The pack? Like all of you? Is this why they are all like this, with their eyes and stuff?” 

Absent-mindedly, you run your fingers through Jungkook’s hair, softly scratching his scalp, soothing not only yourself but also the youngest Alpha. 

A soft chuckle escapes Namjoons as he watches your instinctual interactions with the youngest mate. “Yes, that is the best way to explain the eyes and stuff, as you put it.”

“Jungkook and Taehyung will find it easier to leave their Alpha Space since they are not the ones responsible for the injury but trying to be supportive to both of you.” 

Hearing a knock on the door, he calls, “Who is it?”

“Namjoon-ssi, it's Manager Sejin. I have some updates and a few questions. Can I enter?” The door opens slightly to reveal it’s him. 

At Namjoon's nod, he enters. The door remains open as the scents in the room are constricting in their density. He is followed by the rest of the pack, who take up guarding now from inside.

“Did you contact everyone?”

“Big Hit and the Corporate Director are on the same page and will follow the hybrid protocol, but details must be discussed once Miss Y/n has met with the doctor,” Manager Sejin reports to the Prime Alpha.

Moving to look at you, he continues, “I contacted Dr. Blackwell, thinking you may be more comfortable with a female doctor.” 

Glancing at the boys surrounding you closely, his scent changes with curiosity. He raises an eyebrow, looking at Namjoon. With a subtle nod, he confirms that something more is happening but does not move to explain.

Looking back at you, he gently smiles, “With the situation at hand, it may be best to limit other males around you until everyone is out of Alpha space. They tend to get territorial. Dr. Blackwell is on standby, ready to assess and treat you once we know where you will be.”

“Why wouldn’t she just come here, or I go to her?”

“Miss Y/n, Dr. Blackwell is a traveling physician. She doesn’t have a permanent office to use but she is well respected in both the human and hybrid communities.”

“Oh, I see. Well, umm…” you look at Namjoon and ask, “What option would be best for your pack?”

Namjoon’s chest puffs slightly at your show of respect to him as the Pack Prime Alpha despite the situation and your pain level. “Not to make you uncomfortable, Miss Y/n, but I think meeting Dr. Blackwell at our AirBnB would be best.”

You take a moment to think, your hand pulsing with pain. They cannot all fit in your flat; it's a mess after you tore through your closet to find the right clothes for today.

They don’t seem to like being here. Instinctually, even Derek and Evie prefer being in their dens when one of the three of you is hurt or sick. 

“Okay. If it is best for the pack, then I will go with you to the AirBnB and see Dr. Blackwell.” 

It’s almost as if a weight is lifted out of the room, allowing the pack to take a breath. 

“Yoon, Kook, and Tae. Can you give Miss Y/n some room? We have to take her to the pack house to see a doctor,” Namjoon says with a firm voice, gaining smiles from the men kneeling on the floor. 

Jungkook stands and curls into the Prime Alpha, his eyes returning to their natural color.

Taehyung rocks back on his heels but remains near. His body is more relaxed and his eyes are still crystal blue, shifting between Yoongi and you in wait.

After watching the two younger Alphas move around, your attention turns to the Jaguar kneeling with expectant but questioning eyes. 

 “Mr. Min, if I promise that you can stay with me, will you let me go get my things and then you can take me to the pack house?”

Yoongi’s face lights up with a gummy smile as he nods. Your breath hitches at the sight. How can the devastatingly handsome rapper look so adorable?

He stands up, his tail unwrapping from your leg. He softly takes both of your hands while he assists you in standing. You smile and mumble a small thanks as you step forward to leave.

“Prime Alpha, do you think I can talk with Derek briefly to let him know what is happening? This way he can talk to the direc… Boss. Talk to the boss and let him know that I am leaving for the day?”

“Yes, talking to him will be fine. He has been established as part of your familial pack and won’t be considered a threat to the pack if he comes around you now,” Namjoon answers, moving out of your way and motioning for the rest to let you pass.

Bowing slightly, “Thank you, Prime Alpha.”

Making it to your desk is more complicated than one would think. 

Yoongi won’t leave your right side, while Taehyung won’t leave your left. Both act like it's code red and someone is trying to assassinate you. Then you have the rest of BTS trailing behind like some kind of posse. 

You keep your head down to avoid any strange looks or glares from whomever you pass. To your relief, you find Derek waiting at your desk with his head resting on his palms and a mischievous smile. 

“I see you are taking things in stride,” glancing at your plethora of bodyguards. “Did the Prime Alpha explain everything to you?”

Speaking up from the back of the group, Namjoon answers for you, “She is aware that we are responsible for her at this time and she will be treated at our temporary pack house by our doctor.”

You don’t miss Derek's look of concern as he tilts his head with curiosity at Namjoon. “I see, of course. You are just responsible for getting her treated.”

“Derek, can you please let the big boss know that I will be leaving with Bangtan Pack to seek medical care and once I have more updates I will let you both know?” 

Glancing at Yoongi and still seeing his lovely golden-yellow eyes, you try to ignore the slight flutter in your stomach, “I don’t think it would be good for me to talk with him myself still.”

Derek nods in response, “Manager Sejin has already given the boss a rough time frame for the near future. I suppose his managing skills came in handy. Don’t worry about us here. We can handle it while you heal.”

Standing up, Derek passes you your purse, which Taehyung takes. You try to grab it again, but only to have a black and white tail wrap around your arm and bring it back down to your side.

“No carry. Keep safe.” Taehyung almost grunts out in a deeper-than-deep voice, which short-circuits your brain.

Glancing at Derek out of the side of your eye, you see him briefly nod and smile encouragingly while he whispers, “It’s an Alpha Space thing. Best acknowledge his help.”

“Umm… Th-tha-hank you, Alpha,” you stammer out, willing the heat creeping up your neck to stop as your words pull a boxy grin from the Tiger.

“I think that is it,” you announce to nobody in particular. You smile awkwardly at Derek as he slowly approaches you.

“Y/n, you have been through so much. Not just today but in your life. You have always been the one to take the blame for others, working harder or longer than anyone else and caring for those who never return the favor.”

His eyes glance at the men surrounding you as he sees nods of understanding and looks of concern from them.

As a soft smile blooms on his face, he holds onto your good hand, “Take time for yourself and let this pack of Alphas take care of you. You deserve it more than anyone else I know.”

He pulls you into a hug. You briefly stiffen, waiting for the growling and pulling to start, but to your surprise, it doesn't. Relaxing into his hug, you take his words to heart.

A soft whisper in your ear, “You know you will always have Evie and me as your family pack, but right now, be open to the pack around you,” with one last squeeze, Derek steps back and returns to your desk.

“Now, shoo! Off you go. The boss said I’ll get to man the front desk for now.”

With a nod, you wave goodbye and face the hybrids behind you. After not finding Manager Sejin and a few others missing,  your eyes settle automatically on Namjoon, waiting for a clue as to what to do next. 

“Manager Sejin went down to get the cars. Seokjin-hyung, Hoseok-hyung, and Jimin also went down because we won’t all fit in the elevator.”

“Oh,” you feel a slight tightening in your chest after realizing you didn’t even notice they had gone.

“Miss Y/n, let's take you to get looked at,” Junkook says while inching towards the office doors.

“Yeah, sure. Sorry, I have everything. Lead the way.” 

You follow the bunny and wolf hybrid while still sandwiched between the tiger and jaguar. Walking through the halls, you gain some attention from the people you pass. 

You’re a mere human surrounded by some of the hottest Idols in the world right now. So why wouldn’t they?

Not willing to look up, you keep your eyes cast down to the feet in front of you as you try to avoid what you are a gazillion percent sure are looks of disgust and hate towards you.

Once the elevator doors open, the tiger lets out a low growl. Glancing up, you see two fellow PMS employees quickly scamper out of the elevator and down the hall. 

That added to the embarrassment for now and when you return to work.

Namjoon and Jungkook take the back corners. Looking at the men by your sides, they motion for you into the elevator next. 

However, when you go to stand in another corner, you are quickly ushered back into the middle with Yoongi and Taehyung in front of you. 

The energy calms down as the doors close. The four Alphas relax now that they surround you and will start taking care of you. 

Even if your trust in them starts with an injury, they know this is their chance to show you what it means to be taken care of, acknowledged as precious, and loved endlessly by the seven of them. 

As the doors part, you're greeted by the remaining packmates waiting for you, smiles warm and welcoming. They're surrounded by more men in black, whom you assume are bodyguards. 

Turning to look at you, Yoongi speaks for the first time since he entered Alpha Space,  “Take home. Keep safe.”

Previous / Next

Taglist - CLOSED

@braveangel777 @bethanysnow @smileykiddie08 @kayways @danielle143 @nenefix-on @im-gemmy @fluffy-canada-pancakes @staytinyville @juju-227592 @levislifeline @carolinexkpop @m00njinnie @drenix004 @singukieee @avadakadabra93 @dazzlingjade @sehun096rainbow @sunshinecallie

[phoenixyfriend]

Weird Egg?

Okay so in theory, Obi-Wan was plausibly on Mandalore when Anakin was born, right?

(this is technically a variation on a few other fics and AUs I've seen, and I'll list the stuff that came to mind at the end.)

While on Mandalore, Obi-Wan finds An Egg while hiding in a cave with Satine. And he doesn't recognize it, and Satine doesn't recognize it, and even Qui-Gon doesn't recognize it.

Which makes it weird, at the very least, and probably rare. It's the size of his HEAD and even though there's no parent around, the egg is… warm, now? He didn't notice at first, but it's definitely producing at least some of its own heat.

So Obi-Wan brings the egg with him, which is a pain in the ass in terms of maneuvering, but they do seem to have better luck avoiding Death Watch than before, which uh. Given that the egg feels warmer when they're getting lucky, and seems to glow in the Force, they think might not be a coincidence. A lucky rock, except it's alive.

Mission ends. Obi-Wan plans to take the egg back to the temple for study in case they just discovered Something, and as he's saying goodbye to Satine… the egg Hatches.

It is a dragon.

The dragon can project words into Obi-Wan's mind. It's not quite capable of complex thoughts yet, but it's a he (probably), and has a name (Anakin!), and considers the person who's been carrying him and protecting him and keeping him warm for the past six months to be his mom!

Obi-Wan protests at this. Qui-Gon decides to make his life harder with the 'correction' that Obi-Wan would be a dad, not a mom.

So now Obi-Wan has a small dragon which will be growing to the size of a house, that imprinted on him and is following him home and calling him dad and insisting on sleeping in his bed

Idk if you've ever read Septimus Heap, but… the MC of that found a Fancy Rock, put it in his bag, carried it around for a YEAR because he kept forgetting to take it out of his bag, and then it hatched into a dragon. And I kept thinking about that the whole time I wrote this.

In Obi-Wan's defense, he does Have A Plan.

Until the dragon hatches, turns out to be a sapient as a toddler (with promise of growth), and calls him Dad.

And now the plan is gone.

He just wanted to bring a cool egg back to the Temple for study!

And now the Mandalorians are pulling out old books about whatever the fuck this is because these things APPARENTLY went extinct around the same time as the underwater dragon-adjacent thing that is the Mythosaur.

Obi-Wan learns that supposedly the eggs are inert until something with the Force interacts with it in a Purposeful Manner.

Which includes "probing it a little to see if whatever is inside is actually alive."

Anakin's a standard western dragon that can breathe fire because Flyte. Also this post.

Weeeee okay small text for the references I mentioned.

Obviously, first up is the Septimus Heap series by Angie Sage, specifically Magyk and Flyte.

The fic series I was thinking of initially that kind of jumpstarted the AU process was Boga Service Varactyl AU, but specifically Kenobi Kafé Service Animal Boga AU.

I've been seeing a couple of dragon shapeshifter AUs, including that post I linked earlier from @ahsoka-in-a-hood, @bubblew0lf1's dragon shapeshifter AU, and @squad-724's Dragon Jedi AU has been all over my dash for the past few days.

Stubborn to the Bones by @tideswept, which was part of what had me connecting the various dots of Obi-Wan Finding Animal Anakin on a mission, though our outcomes are admittedly very different lol. (Their fic is shippy, and mine is more decidedly gen/familial with a slight nod to Obitine.)

[vivwritesfics]

Moon Gets Fashionable

In honour of the shitshow that was yesterday and me dedicating today to my crochet, cross stitch and baking, have a Moon blurb

Gonna preface this with i did animal management for years and am in my final few weeks of an equine degree, imma try to not anthropomorphize moon as much as possible

Series Masterlist

Moon didn't love it when his parents came home. But only because he had no concept of love. He just knew that the guy that fed him and sometimes took up his space on the bed was back and the woman who mostly fed him and wouldn't leave him alone was excited about it.

"I'm so happy your back," his mom whispered to his dad as they all sat together, his mom leaning against his dad as Moon sat on her lap.

Logan kissed the top of her head and reached around her to scratch Moon. "You're happy to see me too, right, Moon?"

He chirped, but it wasn't in response to his fathers question. The scratches to the top of his head were just so good.

After Logan's first season in F1, Moon had learnt his patterns. He knew that the guy who sometimes fed him and slept on his side of the bed would only be home for a few days. And then the crazy lady would be back in full force, sitting him in front of the television to watch those funny shaped blobs go around and around in funky circles.

But then, while guy who sometimes feeds him was away, Moons mom took him to the craft store. He'd never been to a craft store before. His mom sat him in the baby seat of the shopping cart and pushed him through the isles.

The craft store was fascinating. His mom threw some funny sticks into the cart. She grabbed a ball of yarn, let Moon smell it and threw it into the cart. "You're gonna look so cute, Moony-Moon," she said as she pushed him towards the check out.

***

"What is this?"

"It's your son."

Logan had left his girlfriend and Moon alone for nearly a week. He shouldn't have expected anything different than what he came home to.

Moon was in his mothers arms like a baby. On his body was a green sweater. "Did... did you make this for him?" Logan asked as he reached out to touch the sweater.

She grinned proudly and put Moon on the floor. "What do you think?" She asked as she stepped up to him. "And do you want one?"

Logan wrapped his arms around her. "Make us all one and we can make it our Christmas card photo."

She kissed him. "Love it," she said and ran off to find her knitting needles and yarn. "Move over Lewis Hamilton, Moon's gonna be the most fashionable thing in the paddock."

[evertomorrowart]

Best of YouTube 2023

Yes, I did spend the first week and change of January on this. I wish I could have had it done for New Years, but too many people came out with incredible work in December, so waiting turned out for the best.

What these creators do are a huge influence on my life, I would honestly have difficulty doing what I do without them. That isn't to say that my favorites of the year are *only* on this image--It was almost impossible to narrow down my favorites. Many creators I wanted to include couldn't fit on a single page, and too many of them made more than one video I wished I could draw too!

But, to all of you, thank you for what you do. You're an inspiration.

For those who don't know, further is an explanation.

At the bottom center is an artistic masterpiece by Defunctland: "Journey to EPCOT Center: A Symphonic History." Over the last several years, Defunctland has risen from delightfully-entertaining commentary on decommissioned theme park attractions to occasionally dropping profound statements on the creation of art itself. "Journey to EPCOT Center: A Symphonic History" is worth treating like the cinematic experience it is: No second screen, you sit your ass down in front of a TV, set down the phone, and then you *watch it.* Any Disney, theme park, or independent film fan needs to pay attention to this one.

Bottom left is Caelan Conrad with their piece "Drop the T - The Deadly Consequences of Gay Respectability Politics." While I do think they've done more visually or artistically-daring pieces before, "Drop the T" is one of the most important videos released on YouTube in today's current climate of hate. We as queer folk (and our allies) need to understand how integral every identity of the queer experience has been since the start of the Civil Rights movement (and before!). While we are not identical, we *are* inseparable, and we deserve having our real history easily accessible.

TERFs and other conservative mouthpieces need not reply. Your opinions are trash. 😘

I cannot stop watching and rewatching this video by @patricia-taxxon, "On the Ethics of Boinking Animal People." It's not just a defense of furry fandom and its eccentricities, it's a thoughtful and passionate analysis of what the artform achieves that purely human representation can't. Patricia goes outside of her usual essay format to directly speak to the viewer about the elements that define furry media (the most succinct definition I've ever heard) and just how *human* an act loving animal cartoons really is.

As an artist who can draw furry characters, but never really got into erotic furry art, this video is a treasure. Why did I choose to have her drawn as a Ghibli character, hanging out with one of the tanukis from "Pom Poko?" Guess you'll have to watch, bruh.

Philosophy Tube continuously puts out videos that I would put on this list--I'm not even sure that "A Man Plagiarised my Work: Women, Money, and the Nation" is the best work she released in 2023. However, this video got many conversations going between myself and my partner, and the twist on the tail end of the video shocked us both to such a degree that I had no choice.

At the very tail end of the year, Big Joel released "Fear of Death." On his Little Joel channel, he described it as the singularly best video he's ever done, and I'm inclined to agree. However, for this illustration, I ended up repeatedly going back to a mini-series he did earlier in the year: "Three Stories at the End of the World." All three videos are deeply moving and haunting, and I was brought to tears by "We Must Destroy What the Bomb Cannot." While it may be relatively-common knowledge that the original Gojira (Godzilla) film is horror grappling with the devastation America's rush to atomic dominance inflicted on Japan, Big Joel still manages to bring new words to the discussion. Please watch all three of the videos, but if, for some reason, you must have only one, let it be "We Must Destroy What the Bomb Cannot."

Y'all. Let me confess something. I hate football. I hate watching it, I associate seeing it from the stadiums with some of my worst childhood experiences, I despise collegiate and professional football (as institutions that destroy bodies and offer up children at the feet of its alter as a pillar of American culture)--

I. L o a t h e. Football.

But.

F.D. Signifier could get me to watch an entire hour-plus essay on why I should at least give a passing care. AND HE DID IT. I might think "F*ck the Police," the two-parter on Black conservatism, or his essay on Black men's connection to anime might be "better" videos, but this writer did the impossible and held my limited attention span towards football long enough to make a sincere case for NFL players--and reminds us that millionaires can *in fact* be workers. That alone is testament to his skill.

Sit down and watch "The REAL Reason NFL Running Backs Aren't Getting Paid." Any good anti-capitalist owes it to themselves.

CJ the X continuously puts out stunning, emotional videos, and can do it with the most seemingly-inconsequential starting points. A 30 second song? An incestuous commercial? Five minutes of Tangled? Sure, why not. Go destroy yourself emotionally by watching them. I'm serious. Do it.

Their video Stranger Things and the Meaning of Life manages to to remind us all why the way we react to media does, in fact, matter. Yes, even nostalgia-driven, mass-media schlock. Yes, how we interact with media matters, what it says about us matters, and we all deserve to seek out the whys.

Folding Ideas has spent the last few years articulating exactly why so much of our modern world feels broken, and because of that his voice continuously lives rent-free in my brain. While the tricks that scam artists and grifters use to try to swindle us are never new, the advancement of technology changes the aesthetics of their performances. Portions of Folding Ideas' explanations might seem dry when going into detail of how stocks work in This is Financial Advice, but every bit of it is necessary to peel back the layers of techno-babble and jargon and make sense of the results of "Meme Stocks."

Jessie Gender puts out nothing but bangers, her absolute unit of a video about Star Wars might be my new favorite thing ever, but none of her work hit so profoundly in 2023 than the two-parter "The Myth of 'Male Socialization'" and "The Trauma of Masculinity." There's so much about modern life that isolates and traumatizes us, and so much of it is just shrugged off as "normal." We owe it to ourselves to see the world in more vivid a color palette than we're initially given.

Panels drawn after Kate Beaton and "Ducks: Two Years in the Oil Sands."

"This is Not a Video Essay" is one of the most intense and beautiful pieces of art I've ever put into my eyeballs. Why do we create? What drives us to connect?

I don't even know what else to say about the Leftist Cooks' work, it repeatedly transcends the medium and platform. Watch every single one of their videos, but especially this one.

The likelihood you are terminally online and yet haven't heard of Hbomberguy's yearly forrays into destroying the careers of awful people is pretty slim. Just because it has millions of views doesn't mean that Hbomberguy's "Plagiarism and You(Tube)" isn't worth the hype. Too long? Shut up, it has chapters and YouTube holds your place, anyway. You think a deep dive into a handful of creators is only meaningless drama? Well, you're wrong, you wrong-opinion-haver. Plagiarism is an *everyone* problem because of the actual harm it creates--the history it erases, the labor it devalues, the art it marginalizes--which you would know if you watched "Plagiarism and You(Tube)".

Watch. The damn. Video.

In fact, watch all of them!

Thanks for reading this if you did.

[fujoshimenacecw]

A conversation between Moto Hagio, Hideaki Anno, and Shimako Sato

In our first ever translation work we share a riveting conversation between Moto Hagio, Hideaki Anno, and Shimako Sato! Read on our wordpress or keep reading on tumblr under the readmore

For the 189th issue of the Magazine House publication Hato yo! published January 1st 2000, movie director and screenwriter Shimako Sato leads a three way conversation between herself and her acquaintances, the anime and live action movie director Hideaki Anno, and manga artist Moto Hagio. Together they discuss their respective admiration for each other’s work, Anno’s past statements on otaku, their takes on parent-child relations, how to escape puberty, and why Anno finds it scary to be around children. 

To Me, There is 5 Ways To End a Story

Hagio: I got really into Neon Genesis Evangelion after it finished airing (laughter). I had been told by an acquaintance that Eva was a work that had “fans who were looking forward to watching the series so enraged by the developments in the final episode that they broke their TVs” (laughter). I wondered what could a work that evokes such strong emotions be like? I was really interested, so I borrowed the VHS tapes from a friend of Shimako-san’s, then I started watching.

Anno: I’m a big fan of Hagio-san’s manga, so when Shimako-san first said she could introduce us and arrange this meeting I was truly happy. The fact that you took an interest in Eva is an honor but… When I first heard “to me, there are five ways to end a story” I thought “as expected; amazing!” So after several twists and turns I finally reached a conclusion

Sato: Anno-san, when did you first encounter Hagio-san’s work?

Anno: The first one I read was They Were 11! during its serialization. In elementary school I read it at the Ear-Nose-Throat Doctor. I generally read manga at the waiting room there or at the barbers, since I didn’t really get any manga to read at home. When I read They Were 11! back then I was blown away. After that I read Hyaku Oku no Hiru to Senoku no Yoru [trans: Ten Billion Days and One Hundred Billion Nights, original story by Ryu Mitsuse]. My favorite work is Half-god [Hanshin]. The fact that such a meaningful story could be told in only 16 pages is amazing. I think Hagio-san is a genius storyteller, but her art is amazing as well. In middle school I thought that if I copied Hagio-san’s art I’d become better at drawing.

Sato: If you had also imitated her storytelling would that perhaps have changed Eva’s final episode? (laughter)

Saving the world, love and hatred

Anno: You know, I don’t have much interest in concluding a story.

Sato: Do you hate wrapping a furoshiki? [trans note: a traditional wrapping cloth]

Anno: No, it’s that I think you can do more with a furoshiki than tie it up pretty. Like break it or tear it to shreds, all kinds of things.

Sato: If we include all that, isn’t that still doing the act of wrapping?

Hagio: In your case Anno-san, I find your way of grasping the world unique.

Sato: For both Anno-san and Hagio-san, even with the differences between manga and anime you’re making a serialized work, right. When you make a long-form work, is the ending something that is already decided? Or is it something that changes?

Anno: For me it’s something like a live performance, and ends up gradually changing as I create the work.

Hagio: I’m a bit too careful, so I can’t draw if I haven’t thought of the ending. An exception is when I made Star Red. Otherworld Barbara which I made later also ended up becoming an exception 

Anno: Star Red’s ending was magnificent. I was also influenced by Star Red. Actually, I’ve written some dialogue similar to the one in Star Red’s ending 

Sato: Which of the characters do you like?

Anno: Well, the protagonist.

Sato: I like Elg. At first I thought he was a rather unreliable person, but he gradually came to play an active role. By the end he revived a dead planet through love.

Hagio: I also like characters like that!

Sato: When I watch Anno’s works like Eva I feel like you are more the kind of person who saves the world through hatred, what do you think?

Anno: I don’t know 

Hagio: That feeling of uncertainty becomes the foundation of your storytelling doesn’t it? I come to think that that feeling is something so overflowing you can’t tie it all together. 

Sato: It seems you have some differences when it comes to making a story, but I think one thing your stories have in common is perhaps parent-child relations?

Anno: That is true, Hagio-san. Your relationship with your mother appears in your work…

Hagio: When I was a child, my older sister was my mother’s favorite, I was always compared to her. It seemed my mother thought that compared to my sister I was unreliable so she always worried about me, even when I was into my thirties she’d tell me to quit making manga.

Sato: And that was during The Poe Clan’s heyday wasn’t it?

Hagio: (laughter) When I was watching Eva, something that really caught my attention was Shinji-kun worrying about whether or not he was useful to his father. Yet there was a distance between them. During that time I was very interested in, to put it into words, “broken relations.” 

Otaku Are Generally Uncool

Sato: Anno-san, in your work I think father-son relations is something that makes an appearance. Are there any real experiences behind that?

Anno: My family was normal. If I have a complex it would be that we were a poor family rather than a just normal one, and my father has only one leg. Regardless, I think stories about parents are the simplest to make, it’s easy. 

Sato: So since Eva is a parent-child story it ended up like that?

Anno: What makes it easy is that we have some preconceived assumptions about [parent-child relations], “have you argued with your parents?” and such.

Sato: What appears in your work isn’t those things, but your own internalized problems don’t you think.

Anno: That appears to be it. As for my family we truly were the archetypical lower middle class household. My father was a good person. A sensible man. When you’re under circumstances like my father was you have to live sensibly or else you’re excluded.

Sato: So in opposition to that, you became an otaku.

Anno: That might be it. Your most important model for what normalcy is is your family. But I have a younger sister and she is exceedingly normal. She doesn’t read manga, there is nothing twisted about her at all.

Sato: And by twisted you mean?

Anno: That she’s not an otaku.

Sato: Anno-san, you’ve said that you hate otaku, haven’t you.

Anno: It’s not hate. It’s just that I think otaku are uncool. To otherwise not notice that you’re uncool or purposefully suppressing that fact makes me feel disgusted.

Sato: What about The Matrix? Isn’t that a cool otaku movie?

Anno: That one is also uncool.

Hagio: Even though Keanu Reeves is cool.

Anno: Keanu is cool. Because he is not an otaku. The otaku are the Wachowskis. They can’t get out of the confinements of their otaku-ism. So for example, even if they make something cool, part of it will for certain be otaku-like Even though I say this I don’t hate it. If I truly did I’d quit being an otaku.

Sato: Hagio-san, would you say your family was normal or was it perhaps affluent?

Joh (Hagio’s manager): Hagio-san and her mother actually have a similar biorhythm. It was perhaps due to that fact that Hagio rebelled by pursuing the path of becoming a manga artist. 

Hagio: I might have been running away by drawing. But, if I had rebelled by becoming a delinquent I think it perhaps might’ve been more enriching to me as a person.

Anno: To become a creator is not something I think is a happy path to go down. In order to not be unhappy you have to work for dear life. At the very least create works as if you’re going back to zero [from the negatives].

Hagio: Is it a negative? Because you are an otaku?

Anno: Being an otaku is a huge negative. You make up for it either by relying on others or by producing creative works. With that said, I think my generation has it easier than yours, Hagio-san. This is an era where even old men read manga. My parents even now have no issues with my line of work. I appear in Asahi Shimbun, I appear on NHK, they have nothing to worry about. That is also why I will try not to ever refuse any coverage from my hometown newspapers.

Hagio: But don’t you think parents don’t truly understand? Even if I become famous, my parents will say; can’t you quit drawing manga? And just appear in the newspaper? (laughter)

Sato: But if you quit drawing manga you won’t appear in the newspaper. (laughter)

Hagio: In that context, a part of me still expects too much affirmation from my parents. Not externally but internally. Even if I appear in Asahi Shimbun I still end up thinking it’s not good enough.

Sato: The fact that you still worry so much about what your parents think at your age Hagio-san, it’s so strange.

Hagio: Yes, I think so too

Anno: Could it be that you have to become a parent to change that part of you that worries so much about what your parents think?

Sato: I don’t worry at all about what my parents think.

Anno: I also don’t care even a little bit. As far as I’m concerned, I’m bored if I get my parents’ approval. When I did Nadia: The Secret Of Blue Water for NHK I felt that feeling.

Sato: Do you have a replacement parent figure?

Anno: Well, a man without imaginary enemies is no good. For me right now, I think I want to make works that have Hayao Miyazaki beat.

Sato: Hagio-san, your worries might also be what gives birth to your works.

Hagio: That might be the case.

Sato: Anno-san, earlier, you said “you have to become a parent to change.” I personally don’t think if you don’t have children you can’t become an adult. I think that being an adult is being independent in everything you do. That’s why I think marriage or having children doesn’t change anything.

Anno: You can become a parent without being an adult. At 17 or 18 you could become a parent. To become a parent without even being an adult, that is the problem I think. 

Sato: Do you consider yourself to be an adult, Anno-san?

Anno: I guess I’m a child. 

Sato: I don’t consider my parents to be adults.

Hagio: I’m very discontent with the fact that my parents aren’t adults.

Anno: I’m not discontent.

Sato: For me realizing that my parents aren’t absolute adults was a relief during my middle school years. Until then I had played the role of an exemplary student, but when I realized that fact I stopped playing that role. 

Hagio: So you’re a child who didn’t fit into your parents’ expectations. I was also a child who didn’t fit into my parents’ expectations, but the fact that they didn’t shrug their shoulders and say “that’s fine,” filled me with anxiety. I thought that if I become an adult I’d lose that anxiety. But I want recognition from people. I continue to request affirmation. 

Sato: Anno-san, in Eva you portrayed children like this, but are you like this yourself?

Anno: The affirmation? Hmmm. That kind of thing changes with the project.

Hagio & Sato: ?

Anno: I don’t believe in the supremacy of the director of a work, but rather the work itself. What would be best for the work, I only base my judgment on the total. Although I won’t hand over the executive decisions.

Hagio: Manga is a one-man job, but with a movie there’s the director, the scriptwriter, the actors, etc. Each of them sees themselves as a leading part. Furthermore as living beings the things we do will sometimes diverge from the plan we made in our heads. The fun of living is discovering what those differences will be.

Is Eva The Rite of Passage That Will Get Us Through Puberty?

Sato: The movie Love & Pop that you directed Anno-san, the original creator Ryuu Murakami-san and yourself are both men, yet the story is about high school girls. I found that interesting.

Hagio: I thought that both of you wanted to be very similar to an archetypical girl. You said you wanted to see a part of puberty, and girlhood that you couldn’t control. After all, men aren’t just made up of boys. I believe that femininity and masculinity is something we have combined within us. Sort of androgynous.

Sato: The boys you create not having that vivid true-to-life quality to them I think is a representation of that. Anno-san, as a man, what do you think of the boys in Hagio-san’s manga? 

Anno: I think they have empathy. I think what I like the most is that all the characters are smart. Because they have such a high intelligence it feels good to read.

Hagio: Like a washing machine right at the peak of its cycle, I want to leave my characters on the verge of that kind of critical point [of merger]. To be honest, the idea that once you’re past 30 you’ve become an old lady, that sense is something we’ve left behind.

Sato: I’ve found that when men become old they lose their ability to be nihilistic in their work, is it the same as that?

Anno: In the case of men, as you age, the world view [of your fiction] rather than your characters come to reflect your nihilism. You don’t aspire to be nihilistic, you yourself are becoming nihilistic. Your world view is what gradually utilizes nihilism. Isao Takahata, for example, is a nihilistic person. Nothing is born from being nihilistic. As nihilism is Plus-Minus-Zero, eventually your heart can’t be moved.

Hagio: A world that doesn’t change, isn’t that comfortable? 

Sato: Even though in order to grow you have to fight. By asking like this, Anno-san, did you not experience puberty?

Anno: That might be it.

Hagio: I thought you were right in the middle of puberty.

Anno: I thought I’m losing it, but it might be puberty. Generally speaking, otaku don’t go through puberty.

Hagio: I thought otaku went through a prolonged chronic puberty.

Anno: It’s not what society ordinarily calls puberty.

Hagio: A never ending puberty, in this age, could it perhaps be because there are no more rites of passage? 

Anno: Sure enough, you have to bungee jump. (laughter)

Hagio: A ritual to let your childhood die and then replay it, such a thing doesn’t exist now. Taking entrance exams may be the closest to [a rite of passage].

Sato: Don’t you feel like lately that around age 30 is when the coming of age ceremony actually happens?

Hagio: For that part, that’s when the stories takes on that role I think.

Sato: As a ritual?

Hagio: It’s not a ritual, but perhaps more intuitive? A trial run on a mock life. By that definition, I noticed Eva is just like that. I had an acquaintance who is a teacher from the Kyoto Steiner school. They saw the Eva movie in theaters. At that time they found the reactions of the people watching to be more interesting than the story. They had thought, isn’t it like we’ve all come to see the rite of passage which we all failed? I thought so as well “that’s right, that is interesting.” The rite of passage to become an adult after entering puberty, be it Gundam or Eva those stories put people in a position where they are observing the world, observing themselves, experiencing war and such.

Sato: Anno-san, were you considering all this…

Anno: I didn’t make it like that. But when I was making the movie I was thinking of this a little. 

Hagio: When I watched Eva it ended up overlapping with the book Childhood [by Jan Myrdal]. It’s a book about a mother who can’t love her child. She thinks “I have to take care of this child”, but even so she can’t love him. I wonder what happens to children raised like this. Children learn from their parents. In truth there will be consequences for the parent, but the question on my mind was children who can’t find their place with the parent, where can they find their place instead? Although I thought you were such a person when you were making Eva, Anno-san. (laughter) 

Sato: Speaking of, the other day you were on a TV show teaching grade schoolers about anime, Anno-san. What do you think of children?

Anno: I was scared of being in contact with children. I don’t understand the appropriate distance to take. I believe even the most casual thing an adult says mustn’t traumatize them, I end up becoming oversensitive. In grade school during still drawing class, I’d draw roof tiles and other detailed things, but humans moved around and I found it annoying, so I never drew people. Because of that my teacher said “this isn’t a child’s drawing,” which deeply hurt me. In the end, from that experience I think it was a part of the reason why I decided on working with drawing. Even though I opposed standardized education, I really felt the difficulty of dealing with not having a basic manual.

By the way, how much longer until Zankoku na Kami ga Shihai Suru [trans: A Cruel God Reigns] ends? I made a mistake. I wanted to read it all at once, right, so I refrained from buying it but… when volume 6 came out I ended up buying all of them. 

Hagio: Oh yes, right. July next year I think. 

Anno: Understood. Then the final collected volume will be out in the fall of next year. Hmm well that means I can enjoy it for another year. Understood. 

Sato: Isn’t that great.

------------------------------

Translated by mod Juli, with assistance from two financially compensated native speakers.

A scan of the full interview raws has now been added to the wordpress version!

[kaliforniahigh]

I need some best friend!Noah to lover action lol

You and Noah have been best friends for years. It's a very sweet and fluffy friendship but somewhere along the way Noah develops a crush on you. He never says anything because he doesn't want to ruin your friendship.

Noah is your rock and shoulder to cry on after it never works out with the guys you date. He knows he can treat you better but he still doesn't make a move. 🥺

One night when you're at his place watching anime or playing video games, he finally gets the courage to tell you how he feels and he hopes you'd give him a chance (you do obviously). And then the night ends with romantic and sweet smutty love.

Y'all love bestfriend!Noah so much and I'm so on board for this! Thank you so much for the request, hope you like it!!!

Warnings: mention of the death of an animal (it's fake), pining, smut, unprotected p in v (wrap it up, babes!), fingering (fem. receiving), a little bit of overprotective Noah. I think that's it.

WC: 3.9k

Requests are closed for now.

You're probably the best thing that has ever happened in Noah's life. He wishes he was exaggerating, but that's the way he felt about you. He has no doubt you love him as much as he loves you, he just wanted you to love him in the same way.

He doesn't remember when his feelings went from loving you as a friend to loving you as something more. But everyday he saw you, he wished he could introduce you as his girlfriend and not just his friend.

Realistically, he knew it wasn't gonna happen. You've been in a series of dates these past few months, every single one of them ended disastrously, with you crying on his shoulder and saying you were giving up on men. But then the cycle repeated itself and he was left wondering what he would do if you just gave him a chance.

He was trailing behind you at the Farmer's Market, watching you pick fresh tomatoes and putting them in your bag.

"Are you making lasagna tonight?", he asked you, looking around him aimlessly, trying to remember if he needed to pick something up for himself.

"Yes, I am", you answered, but kept picking tomatoes. He must have counted six or seven already.

"Are you feeding an army of people? Why do you need so much tomato sauce?" he finally asked you, confusion laced in his voice.

"I might have company tonight for dinner", you said, sheepishly looking at him. He felt his stomach drop. Not only did you have a date tonight, but you were making them your special lasagna recipe?

"Who is it?" he still held out hope that you would said you just invited some friends over, but he knew that wasn't the case.

"He is a friend of a friend. I've been talking to him for a few days now"

You've been talking to him for only a few days? And you were already cooking for him and inviting him inside your house? His jealousy turned into concern.

"You've met him before, right? Like, met him in real life, went out with him?" he needed to make sure you weren't inviting a complete stranger into your home.

"This is our first date, I actually haven't met him. But all my friends told me he's really nice", you told him, as if there wasn't a problem in what you're doing.

"Y/N, look at me right now", he demanded, snatching some tomatoes from your hand and putting them back in their place. "You're inviting a complete stranger that you've never met before into your house and you don't see a problem in that at al?", he waved his hand around in a exasperated manner.

"Noah, he isn't a complete stranger, my friends know him and he's been nice to me so far", you argued.

"Yeah, I bet hell is full of nice people as well", he rubbed his forehead in stress. "I know that no matter what I say, you're not cancelling this stupid date. Just make sure you have your phone close to you and if he starts acting weird, you call me", his voice was firm, and he even grabbed your shoulder for emphasis.

"I promise I'll call you", you reassured him. Your heart tugged at his concern for you.

When you became friends with Noah, you knew right away that he would be trouble for your heart. You were instantly infatuated with him, his kind eyes and funny personality. It didn't take long at all for him to capture your heart.

But only a few weeks after knowing him, he started dating someone, and you didn't even have time to shoot your shot. So you decided to will your feelings away, even if it was the hardest thing you would ever do in your life.

You watched from afar and how he interacted with his girlfriend at the time. The way he cared for her and the way he looked at her with so much adoration in his eyes. You wished that for you, and if you couldn't have that with him, you would find someone else who could provide it for you.

Ever since then, he has broken up with his girlfriend and you've been on countless failed dates. Even though he's your best friend, he kept the reason for the break up strangely vague. You always thought it was weird, but never pressed on the subject.

Him, on the other hand, kept replaying in his head the words his ex-girlfriend told him the day she broke up with him.

"In the months we've been together, you haven't been able to tell me you love me. But you don't hesitate to say it to her"

He remembers the way she reffered to you in venomous way.

"I think you're with the wrong person and it shows. Everyone can tell you're in love with her and not me"

He kept quiet, not really able to argue with that. She was right, but he wasn't going to admit that to her face. So she left and never came back. He doesn't blame her, he guesses it's cruel staying with someone who loves someone else.

He wanted to be sad about the break up, but it was evident he was more relieved than anything. You asked questions and he kept the answers vague until you dropped the subject entirely, and you never spoke of it again.

"When is he arriving at your house?", he asked you.

"I told him around 8pm. I should have plenty of time to get everything ready by then", you said as you went about picking some other ingredients you needed.

The rest of the visit to the Farmer's Market was quiet. You knew Noah was in a sour mood now compared to when you arrived, but you left him to his devices when strayed to look at some seasonings for himself. He never strayed too far from you anyway.

He dropped you off at home after you left, you told him goodbye and went up the stairs. You had a lasagna to make.

As Noah sulked on the couch, he wondered what would be the best time to head to your house. If the dude was arriving at 8pm, he should probably be there but 7:45pm at least.

Looking at the clock and seeing it was barely 3pm, he let his thoughts drift back to you once again. If it was so obvious to everyone that he was in love with you, why could you not notice it? Or did you notice it and decided to ignore it? Why were you so adamant in getting a boyfriend? Were you not happy by yourself?

He was being ridiculous, you wouldn't be alone your whole life. Eventually you would find someone, marry them and have kids, and he would be just your best friend for the rest of his life. He wondered how he could find a girlfriend, marry and have his own family if he was so hung up on you.

He decided to take a shower and have a bite to eat. Sitting around wasn't doing him any good.

You had put the lasagna in the oven and was now taking a shower to start getting ready. You weren't as excited for this date as you thought you would be. Going on dates actually got old for you a while back, so you promised yourself this would be the last one, and if it didn't work out, you wouldn't try anymore.

Even though you feeling a little down before your date even arrived, you put effort into your makeup and outfit, not going overboard since you would be staying at home after all, so you went with something casual.

You checked the food from time to time, the delicious scent filling the whole apartment as you waited.

On the way to your house, since he had a bit to spare, he picked up some hamburgers and fries. It wasn't as good as your heavenly lasagna that the prick would eat, but it had to do.

He parked a bit to the left of your apartment entrance, on the other side of the street, and settling himself in his car, he waited. As much as he wanted, he wouldn't crash your date. He just wanted to be as close as possible, just in case this dude tried anything and you actually needed to call him. If your date lasted hours, he would stay parked outside your place.

Just a little before 8pm, a sleek black sedan - a BMW, if he was being specific - parked outside your place. He buzzed the intercom and waited for you to buzz him in.

So he was also an entitled rich guy? Maybe he was a finance dude? He made a mental note to ask you later.

He could see two shadows from the window in your apartment. He looked away, not taking chances in seeing things that would only disappoint him. And he didn't even know if you kissed on the first date, but hoped not.

It was now 9pm and he had finished his burgers and fries, the wrapper thrown carelessly on the passenger seat. You must be having dinner now, right? Maybe the dude would leave by 10pm?

10pm rolled around and there were no signs of the guy leaving. He was beginning to get restless, not able to find a comfortable position on the car seat. He contemplated calling you, but two hours was a reasonable amount of time for a date, he thinks.

Thirty minutes later - yes, he was watching the clock very closely - his phone buzzed on his lap, your nickname and face flashing on his screen. He could've sworn he's never picked up a phone so fast in his life.

"Hey, is everything ok?", he said right out the gate.

"Yeah, everything's fine. It's just", you hesitated for a moment. "He doesn't wanna leave? We had dinner and we've talked plenty and I don't know how to tell him that I just want him to leave already", he could tell you didn't want to be rude. Lucky for you, he didn't have that problem.

"Where is he right now?", he asked you.

"He's in the bathroom. Can you just call me with an emergency or something? Just so I can have an excuse?", he could to that, but he was already outside your place.

"I'll just show up at your apartment. It would be more effective", he argued.

"You don't have to drive all the way here, a call is fine", you tried to convince him.

"That's not a problem at all. I'll be there soon"

"Ok then. Listen, he's leaving the bathroom. I'm waiting for you", you said hurriedly and hung up the phone.

He thought of a plan of action as his eyes settled on a bottle of water he was drinking from earlier in the day. He splashed some water on his cheeks, as well as on his eyes. Locking his car, he walked over to the entrance of your building, buzzing your apartment number.

You picked up and he got himself ready to put on his best act. Pretending to be crying, he told you through the intercom.

"Oh my god, Y/N, you're not gonna believe what just happened", he said, in a fake desperate voice.

"Noah? What is going on?", you asked, just as desperate.

"Furry, my cat, just got got ran over by a car, oh my god, I'm so devastated", he "cried" harder, trying to not to laugh at the same time.

"Oh my, that's horrible. I'll let you come up and we can talk about it", you buzzed him in and he took the stairs two at a time, arriving at your door and knocking rapidly. You opened the door and the sight before you was comical. He had "tear" stains all over his cheeks and his lips were downturned like a cartoon character. You hugged him for effect and whispered a "thank you" on his ear.

Your date stood in your living room, awkwardly watching the scene unfold before him. "Hmm, I gues I'll go? Let you deal with it?", he said as you parted from the hug and turned to look at him.

"Yeah, I think that's best. I'll text you?", you told him, trying to sound as if you were sorry your date was cut "short".

He made his way to the door, you and Noah making space for him to leave. "I'm sorry for your loss, man", he patted Noah on the shoulder, you could hear in his voice that he was truly sorry for this imaginary cat that just died. Noah only nodded in a solemn display of sadness.

"I'll buzz you out", you let him know as he was making his way to the staircase. You closed the door and you and Noah fell into a fit of giggles, both clutching your stomachs and doubling over in laughter.

"Oh my god, that was Oscar worthy", you clutched his arm, still laughing.

"What can I say? I'm truly talented", he said as he threw his imaginary hair back. You led him to sit on the couch and told him you would change into some more comfortable clothes and be right back.

You put on your sweatpants and a sweatshirt that probably belonged to Noah, but has been in your closet for such a long time that you couldn't really tell anymore. Making your back to the living room, you sat beside him, grabbing the controller for the TV and opening Netflix.

"How did you get here so fast?", you asked him as you browsed through the movies and series, trying to find something interesting to watch. When he didn't answer you, you looked at him, thinking he didn't hear you. But he was looking back at you, struggling to answer.

"I was already parked outside your building?", he was unsure of what your response would be to this information.

"You were what?", your voice wasn't angry, you were actually amused.

"When you told me you were inviting this guy to your place, I got worried. I mean, we hear stories everyday and it's scary. So I though if I was close by, and you called me saying that something happened, I would already be here"

You were at a loss for words. You couldn't believe that this man was parked outside your place, probably for hours, just because he was worried about you. You went out with guys who wouldn't pay the bill, or even pick up and drive you back to your place when you went on a date. And here Noah was, blowing your mind as per usual.

Your bar was low for a while when it came to men in general. But you reminded yourself that the person before you never let you down, he actually raised the bar so high that no other person could ever reach it.

"That's really sweet of you, thank you", you said and you were as sincere as you could be. "I'm really glad I have you looking out for me"

Noah cleared his throat, wanting to change the subject, suspecting you were just about to friendzone him.

"So how was this guy? Was the date ok?", he asked you, even though he didn't really wanna hear about it.

"He was ok. He was everything people told me about. But I guess my heart just wasn't in it?" you moved your body sideways, so you were facing him.

"Why not?"

"I guess I'm just tired of looking for the one", a big sigh left your lips at this admission.

Noah felt like this was now or never. He could fuck up your entire friendship within seconds. But he couldn't live with this anymore.

"You keep looking, but I think what you need is right before your eyes and you just never realized it", he watched as your brows furrowed.

"What do you mean?"

"I could make you the happiest girl in the world and you keep going out with these guys who won't even bother to know the first thing about you"

Silence fell upon you after he said this. The reality of his words sunk into you. You knew Noah could make you the happiest girl, and he already did, but you never imagined he would ever mean it in a romantic way. He could sense your confusion.

"Why do you think my last relationship ended?", he questioned you.

"Because you were on the road a lot and it didn't work out? That's what you told me"

"It was because she could tell I was so in love with you that I didn't have space in my heart for anyone else. So she left me"

You were shocked by his revelation.

"You're in love with me?" your voice was dazed, not actually believing the words falling from his lips.

"For someone so smart, you're such a silly girl at times", he teased you, not wanting to think about the fact that you could let him down any second now.

"Noah, you have no idea how long I've wanted to hear this", your eyes were misty with tears as he leaned closer.

"And I've been wanting to tell you this for a long time. I'm sorry I let you go out with these fools for this long"

You stayed gazing into each others eyes, his hand came up to your face and started stroking your cheek. You scootched yourself closer to him, your faces only inches apart.

"Noah", you whispered to him and he hummed, too entranced with you this close to give a verbal answer. "Kiss me, please", you didn't ask, rather demanded, and you didn't need to say it twice. His lips landed on yours firmly, and he clutched the back of your neck to press your faces together. There was an urgency in the kiss as you moved in the pace he set.

Opening your mouth, you gave him permission to slip his tongue past your lips, making the kiss even more heated. Soon, your presence beside him wasn't enough and you made a move to climb onto his lap, but hesitated halfway, unsure of how far he wanted to take this.

But his hands landing on your thighs told you everything you needed to know, as you swung a leg over his, both knees resting on the couch. Your breath was picking up and so was his, and you parted to let some air into your lungs.

"You feel so much better than I thought", Noah told you, while his hands ran up and down your thighs. You looked into his eyes and saw they were clouded over with lust and want. Reaching for his hands, you slid them a little higher until they rested on your ass.

"I need you", your voice was breathless and you settled your core over his crotch, feeling his hard erection under you. He hissed and squeezed your ass tight.

"Are you sure? We don't have to do this right now", he tried to reassure you, he was happy just kissing and making out on the couch.

"Please, I haven't been fucked in so long", you pleaded with him with a whine, rolling your hips over his to get your point across. His eyes closed and he threw his head back at the feeling.

"Let's take these clothes off, then", his hands made quick work of your - his - sweatshirt, leaving your top bare for him. His hands were everywhere, your sides, your stomach, your breasts and finally rested on your neck, a thumb reaching to swipe over your lips.

Your hands reacher for the hem of his tank top, pulling it over his head. You lowered your head and began giving him kisses all over his chest, hands running over every inch of skin you could find.

"You're so sweet for me. Can't wait to be inside you, bet you'd feel so good around me", he said in your ear, your head spinning from his dirty words. You got up from his lap and slid your sweatpants and underwear down your legs, and he did the same with his jeans and boxers, and you situated yourself on his lap again.

His hand slid between your legs, feeling how wet you are for him. His fingers felt so good over you and you couldn't help but start to move your hips in circles, gasps of pleasure leaving your mouth.

"I need your fingers, please", you told him, wanting to feel the fingers you fantasized about iniside you. He couldn't deny your plea, he slid one first and then another, finding no resistance at all. He moved his fingers back and forth, curling inside you and hitting all the right spots.

Your hips moved with him and he couldn't take his eyes off of you, or the way his long fingers disappeared inside you, your wetness starting to drip down your thighs. He pulled them out, not wanting to wait any longer to feel you wrapped around him.

Positioning your entrance over his hard cock, you started to sink down, making it halfway until you had to stop for a moment, having to adjust to his size.

"It's ok, baby, we follow your pace, go slow, get used to it", he told you, hands going to your back in a soothing motion. You felt it burn a little, but the sensation was dizzying, and you couldn't wait to feel all of him. So you resumed your movements and after a few seconds, he bottomed out and you swear you've never felt do full in your life.

"It feels so good", you whined.

"I know, baby, you also feel incredible, so thight around me it's driving me crazy", you mewled at his words, his praises.

You slowly started to move up and down, waiting until he was almost all the way out to bounce back. His grip was impossibly tight on your hips, helping you along.

Your legs started to give out under you, both from tiredness and pleasure. He noticed this, as he slid down the couch a little, hips working to fuck into you at an impossibly fast pace, your head dropping to rest on his chest, the moans coming freely out of your mouth now.

"I'm so close, please don't stop", you told him, voice strained, mixed with your sounds of pleasure.

"Me too, baby. C'mon, cum with me, cum all over my dick", his words sent you over the edge as you convulsed above him, hearing his grunts in your ears as a warm sensation filled your insides.

You both stayed there for a while, catching your breaths, bodies going limp on the couch. When you lifted your head from his chest to look at him, he had such a fucked out look on his face.

You reached for his hair that got in his face, pushing it back, his half lidded eyes looking at you.

"We should probably take a shower", you told him, voice low as to not disrupt the moment.

"We should, but I just wanna stay here a little longer", his hand stroked over your own hair, cupping your face and pulling you to lay down on his chest again, both of your bare bodies feeling every inch of each other.

You hummed in satisfaction, eyes closing and reveling in the feeling of him so close to you.

[benkyoutobentou]

LGBTQ+ Japanese Media for Pride Month

Happy pride month! There's no better time to read and watch queer media than June. I tend to read and watch mostly queer content, so I thought I'd drop some things that I've enjoyed over the years for those looking for something that they maybe haven't picked up before. Since lots of Japanese media tends to have multiple versions and adaptations, I'll be organizing this by representation rather than type of media. The version(s) that I've personally seen or read will be bolded. This will also be a little bit different from my usual Japanese media recommendation posts, as I will also be including media that I've read in English or watched with English subtitles. This is also an invitation for anyone to recommend things to me, especially ones that have LGBT rep outside of just gay and lesbian characters. I'm always looking for more stuff to enjoy!

MLM

同級生/Classmates (manga/anime movie): Two seemingly opposite boys meet during the choir festival at their all boys' school and develop a relationship. How could this not be the very first thing I recommend? This is one of my all time favorite BL series and one of my favorite movies as well. Seriously, I watch this at least three times per year (once being during June!). Nakamura Asumiko is one of my favorite manga artists, and this won't be the last series of hers on this list.

ひだまりが聴こえる/I Hear the Sunspot (manga/movie): This follows a college student who agrees to become the designated note taker for a deaf classmate. I love this series and one of my favorite things about it is how much the romance takes a backseat to other things happening in the characters lives. It also has a large cast of deaf characters! If you're looking for something with representation outside of only LGBT and doesn't focus too much on romance, this is a really great choice.

30歳まで童貞だと魔法使いになれるらしい/Cherry Magic! 30 Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard (manga/drama/anime): After waking up on his thirtieth birthday, a businessman discovers that he has gained the ability to read minds. And with that, he discovers that his male coworker has a crush on him. For such a zany concept, this series is very cute and sweet. It's also always nice to see something that follows older characters (ie. not high school or college).

美しい彼/My Beautiful Man (novel/drama/manga): This follows a social outcast who ends up falling in love with a boy in the friend group of his high school bullies. This isn't a sweet and heartwarming romance at all, but it's also not pure toxicity. The drama is extremely bingeable and the author is a juggernaut in the BL light novel community for a reason.

消えた初恋/My Love Mix Up (manga/drama): Due to an eraser mishap, a boy admits to having feelings for another boy in order to save his actual crush from embarrassment. This series is The Blueprint for me in terms of romcoms. It does everything right for me and the characters especially stand out. It covers topics from discovering your identity and first love to dealing with homophobia and it does it all spectacularly. I also think that the manga does visual humor extremely well.

スリーピングデッド/Sleeping Dead (manga): After being stabbed to death on a routine patrol, a popular high school teacher wakes up on a metal table. I have no words [words]. This is definitely up there in my favorites, I love it so much. If you like queer horror, this is definitely one you need to pick up. I also found it very funny and the characters were extremely charming.

僕らの地球の歩き方/Our Not-So-Lonely Planet Travel Guide (manga): A couple decides to travel the world together, promising that they'll get married upon their return to Japan. Probably my all time favorite manga ever. I love every single thing about this, especially how much this series loves the queer community. This manga is overflowing with love in all ways, and I'm overflowing with love for this manga.

きのう何食べた？/What Did You Eat Yesterday? (manga/drama): This series is basically just snippets of a gay man's daily life. He likes to cook. And you know what? It's all the better for it. This series is award winning and such a great time. The main character is so relatable and it covers some great LGBT+ topics. Honestly, it's a crime that I haven't seen the drama yet.

WLW

独り舞/Solo Dance (novel): After a violent encounter, a Taiwanese woman makes the choice to move to Japan. When reading this, I saw it mention Qiu Miaojin's Notes of a Crocodile, which I had just bought, and now that I've finally read it, I can easily see the influences that Qiu's works had on this one. This is a tough book to get through emotionally, but ultimately a worthwhile read, especially if you're looking for something more on the literary side.

ささやくように恋を唄う/Whisper Me a Love Song (manga/anime): A girl confesses to an upperclassman that she loves her music, but the upperclassman misunderstands it as a true confession of love. I adore this series and the relationships in it. It has a huge cast of female characters and also has a driving plot outside of just the romance. I'm a sucker for series about music and this one is one of my favorites.

あさがおと加瀬さん/Kase San and Morning Glories (manga/anime movie): A shy gardener and a popular track star become friends and begin dating. This series is so cute! It feels like a GL staple to me and is one I've been following for practically as long as I've been reading manga in Japanese. It also has a sequel series called 山田と加瀬さん/Yamada and Kase San which follows the two of them after high school.

メジロバナの咲く/A White Rose in Bloom (manga): After not being able to go home for Christmas, a girl is stuck in her boarding school with one other student, who seems to not like her. This is another one by Nakamura Asumiko and there's something about her writing which always sucks me in. I can't get enough of this series, it has wonderful vibes, impeccable art, and I just want more and more of the characters.

欠けた月とドーナッツ/Donuts Under a Crescent Moon (manga): This series is a slice of life following two coworkers and their growing relationship. It's very slow burn and puts a lot more emphasis on the feelings of coming into and realizing your sexuality as an adult and dealing with compulsory heterosexuality. I really loved this series and how it focused on issues surrounding but not directly related to the central romance.

気になってる人が男じゃなかった/The Guy She Was Interested in Wasn't a Guy At All (manga): A girl develops a crush on a worker at a music store after bonding over their shared love of music. Little does she know, he's actually the girl who sits next to her in class. This manga has taken the world by storm to the point of having a collaboration with Nirvana, and let me tell you it deserves every bit of hype you've heard about it. The art and characters are both stunning and is absolutely worth the read.

ハロー、メランコリック！/Hello, Melancholic! (manga): A talented trombonist enters a high school without a wind band, but is scouted anyway by a drummer looking for a new member to join her combo band. This is another one where the romance takes a backseat to other stuff in the plot, can you tell that I love that sort of thing? I also really loved the ways they talked about music in here, and I could definitely relate to it as a musician myself. Apparently, all the chapter titles are songs as well.

さよならローズガーデン/Goodbye, My Rose Garden (manga): A young woman moves from Japan to England to find her favorite author and is hired on as a maid. Her boss agrees to help her find this author so long as she agrees to help her with a grisly task. This is another really lovely series with gorgeous art. Set in the Victorian era, this does have some time period appropriate homophobia but overall it didn't strike me as a very dark manga.

Transgender

彼らが本気で編むときは、/Close Knit (movie): A young girl goes to live with her uncle and his transgender girlfriend. This movie is so sweet and cute! I watched it a couple years back now, but I feel like a lot of specific scenes have stuck with me. This is definitely a good heartwarming Pride month movie night candidate.

不可解なぼくのすべてを/Love Me For Who I Am (manga): A nonbinary teen is offered a job at a crossdressing cafe run by a classmate's family. Although this series has a cast with multiple LGBT identities, I chose to include it here because the main theme seems to revolve around gender. I do recommend this series if you're looking for a cute and sweet story about gender issues, but I did have some hesitations about the way lesbians are portrayed in this manga.

ボーイミーツマリア/Boy Meets Maria (manga): A boy who dreams of being an actor falls in love at first sight with a girl he sees dancing in his high school entrance ceremony, only to later find that she is actually a boy in his class. I feel like I always need to preface any recommendation for this manga by saying that a lot of people took issue with the way certain things and tropes are handled in this regarding being transgender. I personally didn't find it transphobic but I'm also just one person and can't speak for every nonbinary person out there. Regardless, I really enjoyed this. Be aware of trigger warnings when going into this one, it gets extremely graphic.

ボーイズ・ラン・ザ・ライオット/Boys Run the Riot (manga): Two high school boys bond over their shared love of fashion and start a brand together. I read this one a while back and never ended up finishing it but I do remember enjoying what I read! It's also by a transgender mangaka!

放浪息子/Wandering Son (manga/anime): This is a slice of life coming of age series that follows a middle school friend group revolving around two transgender friends. It's more of a slow paced series and a little bit on the more depressing side. The anime is also award winning and the manga was nominated!

星合の空/Stars Align (anime): This is a sports anime about a middle school boys' soft tennis team. I always hesitate to recommend this one because it was greenlit for a twenty four episode anime then cut down to twelve episodes during production. Rather than condense the story, the creator chose to animate only the first half of the series, so it's perpetually unfinished. Despite that, I still think it was a really wonderful anime and I would really love to see the rest of it one day because so much good stuff was set up!

Other/Multiple

しまなみ誰そ彼/Our Dreams at Dusk (manga): A gay teen is about to commit suicide after being outed to his classmates but sees a mysterious person jump from a balcony, which then leads him to a drop in center for LGBT people. I cannot say enough good things about this manga, it is phenomenal and is always my go-to for anyone looking for queer manga. It's heartfelt and beautiful and written by another one of my favorite mangaka, Kamatani Yuhki, who also happens to be X gender!

ヒラエスは旅路の果て/Hiraeth: The End of the Journey (manga): After the death of her best friend, a young girl decides to join a forgotten god and an immortal man on their journey to find death. Another Kamatani manga! This manga deals more with grief and mortality rather than queer identities, but if you want something with casually queer characters, this one is worth picking up. Also, this is one of only two manga to ever make me cry, and boy did I ugly cry at this one.

恋せぬふたり/Two People Who Can't Fall in Love (drama): Though I haven't watched this one, it's been on my radar for quite a while and I've heard so many good things. It's also harder to find series that have explicit aroace representation. This is about a woman who feels ostracized by her lack of romantic interest in anyone around her until she finds a blog about asexuality.

わたしは壁になりたい/I Want to Be a Wall (manga): This series is a marriage of convenience plot between an asexual BL fangirl and a gay man who never got over his childhood crush. I loved the relationship between the two characters and the depiction of a nontraditional family that still has love within it, even if it's not romantic.

Bonus- Music

I'm not one to look much in to the person behind the music, so I often don't know much about band members or singers of the music I listen to. However, there are two wonderful transgender artists that I listen to regularly in Japanese and couldn't pass up the opportunity to share their works with the world! Nakamura Ataru is a pop singer who also takes inspiration from traditional Japanese music. I love her enka styled songs such as 廃墟の森! The other artist is a bit more popular, and that's the rock band QUEEN BEE, whose lead singer is the incredibly talented Avu Chan. Avu Chan also voiced Inu Oh in one of my favorite movies, Inu Oh, which isn't (explicitly) queer, but is definitely worth watching anyways, even if just to hear Avu Chan's insane vocal abilities.

And so, those are (just a few) of my recommendations for Japanese queer reads to celebrate Pride month! If you have any recommendations for me, regardless of whether it's a movie or novel or manga or other, I would love to hear them!

[ktempestbradford]

A Story for Star Trek Day

I've told this story on Twitter before. I tell it every Star Trek Day and whenever a Deep Space 9 anniversary rolls around. It's about me and Avery Brooks (aka Best ST Captain Benjamin Sisko).

The college my mother went to specifically started recruiting top Black students in the 60s. Due to this, the Black kids all mostly knew each other as they were in that same program. Avery Brooks went to the same college and they were good friends.

(She once told me he had a huge crush on her and I was like MOM. MOTHER. WHAT. HOW COULD YOU HE COULD HAVE BEEN MY DAD.)

Anyway, many of the students in this program remained friends long after college. So over the years as Avery was getting TV gigs & such we would all watch cuz he was my mom's friend & I thought that was the coolest. There was one particularly fun night when my best friend's uncle, Frankie Faison, guest starred on A Man Called Hawk. TWO people we know on TV!

When I was in middle school Avery was touring his production of "Paul Robeson" and it came through our town, so I got to see him perform in person (awesooooome) and meet him for the first time since I was a baby (which I did not remember, of course).

Now, backing up a little bit: I am a Star Trek fan because of my mom. She loved the original series and I remember being a wee Tempest in front of the TV watching The Wrath of Khan and us excitedly going to see Star Trek IV together.

I watched TNG from the instant it appeared on TV because of her. I watched all of The Animated Series even though everyone looked "wrong". (Man... it took me 4 months to realize that dude in the red shirt was Scotty cuz I'd only ever seen movie Scotty.)

Then... they announced Deep Space 9.

We heard Avery Brooks would be the commander and there was MUCH rejoicing around our house. DS9 turned out to be the best Trek ever and, of course, Avery was awesome. This was around the time my mom dropped that "he had a crush on me but I wasn't interested" bombshell.

I'm still bitter.

I mean, I love my dad he's great. But SISKO COULD HAVE BEEN MY DAD.

I lost my mom in 1999. She was--and I'm not exaggerating--an extraordinary woman and beloved by many. I received so many beautiful messages of condolence from her friends all the way back to those college years, including Avery. So many people remembered her fondly. <3

I kept watching Star Trek and often talked to her as if she was there during episodes. She would have LOVED Discovery. Especially since she took me to RENT the year I started college. I'm sure she would have shared my opinion of Enterprise as well. But she loved her some Scott Bakula, so she would have watched, anyway.

I got the chance to interview Avery Brooks at DragonCon back in 2013 (jeez, it's been almost 10 years omg). Before the interview, I went up to him on the Walk of Fame and I said:

Hi, I'm (name K stands for) Bradford, I don't know if you remember me...

And he looked up and said: Of course I remember you.

We talked for a bit and I asked if I could come back and interview him later and he said yes (he wasn't supposed to; his handler had A LOOK). I didn't want to hold up his line, so I said I'd see him later.

Before I could go, he reached out for my hand and squeezed it before saying: I loved your mama, you know.

And we just stayed like that for a few seconds, missing her together.

...I might have been trying very hard not to burst into tears.

That DragonCon was the last time I saw Avery. Barring an extraordinary circumstance, that's probably the last time I'll see him in person. I'm glad we got to have that moment together. And we had a great conversation!

His contribution to Trek has meant so much to me. SISKO4EVA

And I'm glad that it's another tie between me, my mom, and Trek. I can't watch DS9 without hearing her voice giving color commentary. Even the episodes she didn't live to see.

I think Star Trek is part of what gave her hope for the future. She passed that on to me. ❤️🖖🏾❤️

Happy Star Trek Day to all who celebrate.

[zepskies]

Take Me Home - Part 4

Pairing: Beau Arlen x F. Reader 

Summary: You are another lost soul at Sunny Day Excursions. You’re aiming to settle in Helena, Montana, where Beau Arlen is the new sheriff in town. But you’ve both got a past you’re running from. 

AN: Ready for a riding lesson? 😏

Song Inspo: “Sunshine on My Shoulders” by John Denver

Word Count: 6K

Tags/Warnings: Fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, mutual pining, and a cliffhanger...

❤️ Series Masterlist

Part 4: A Past & Future Thing

You gasped and gripped even tighter with your thighs. With almost everything you had.

You were still far too unsteady for comfort on this damn horse. The poor animal whinnied, tossing his head back with a huff. Unfortunately, that just made you tense up even more as you held onto his neck. 

Beau tried not to laugh. You looked like a cat clinging to the edge of a bath.

“Okay, you needa relax a little,” he said. “He ain’t gonna buck you, long as you don’t give him a reason to.”

You shot him a narrowed look. He was sitting all calm and natural on his own horse, a chestnut brown beauty of a stud. Apparently, his name was Clyde. You were riding his brother Dale, who was supposed to be the older, gentler of the two.

Beau was right next to you, since he was the one holding the reins. You two were still just a little way off from the stable as he guided your horse with his, letting you just get a feel for the ride.

“I’m sure you’ve heard that animals can sense our vibes,” he said, giving you a look that tipped his Stetson forward. “So if you just take a few deep breaths, I promise you, it’ll get easier.”

You met Beau’s gaze. You didn’t know if it was the smooth, steady tone of his voice or the sincerity in his eyes, but you did as he advised. You made the effort of exhaling slowly, and you began to relax.

“Okay,” he nodded with a smile. Then he gestured ahead. “Now, look forward for me. Try not to look at his hooves, though I know they’re pretty.”

He teased a smile out of you as you did what he said, casting your gaze up ahead to the horizon. It was a beautiful day. A wide expanse of terrain laid out ahead of you, with green grass mottled with some brown, and a weather-beaten trail clearly carved by horses and lessons given.  

“And like I told you,” he added, “Try not to squeeze so hard with your legs, or he’ll think you’re rarin’ to go.” 

You blushed, and relaxed your thighs enough so you were just supporting yourself on the horse, not giving yourself a leg cramp. 

“Okay, I think you’re ready for me to let go. Wanna keep going on your own?” Beau suggested. 

You were wary, but you tentatively nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

“Are you sure?” Beau asked. Again, his eyes met yours. “I’ll keep guiding you the whole way if you want. Either way, I’ve gotcha.”

You swallowed down a bit of nerves. “Yeah?”

He smiled, and you noticed how it crinkled the corners of his eyes.

“Trust me,” he said. “You’re not gonna fall on my watch.”

Warmth coiled its way around your heart. You let out another deep breath, and you agreed to have him hand over the reins to you. You were nervous at first, but Beau reminded you of how to guide Dale with subtle movements.

The old horse plodded forward without incident. When you gave Beau a triumphant look, that answering grin of his warmed you down to your toes. The two of you rode together more as companions while making your way across the grassy plain.

“So of all the things, why’d you wanna learn to ride a horse?” Beau asked.

“Because it terrified me,” you replied honestly. “I love animals, don’t get me wrong. Riding one though? They’re unpredictable…but I’m also tired of being afraid of what I can’t control.”

Beau nodded. He could certainly understand that.

Together, you traveled up a roaming hill. Once you reached the peak, you marveled at the view. The afternoon sun was bright and golden above the mountains and the distant line of trees.

Meanwhile, Beau glanced at you. You’d gotten more confident and comfortable in what you were doing, and it was endearing to see. You were cute, he could admit. Beautiful, as a matter of fact. You had the sun shining in your eyes, and on your hair getting tousled by the chilly breeze.

You also seemed to have a kind heart. He’d seen it in just how hard your friend’s death had hit you. He saw it again when he helped you move into your apartment. He saw the joy you took in cooking dinner for all of them after a long-ass day, even though you could’ve just ordered a pizza.

It was the little things, he thought, and the more he saw of you, the more he liked.

That thought also made his heart twinge, and not in a good way. Carla reared up in the back of his mind. He wasn’t sure if it was more with annoyance or guilt at this point, but she’d moved on a hell of a long time before he had anyway. (Beau could admit that point, just to himself.)

It just made him wonder what he was doing here with you. Was it just because he knew you were having a hard time, and he wanted to cheer you up? Was it because you were Denise’s family? Or was it because…he just wanted to see more of you?

“You don’t get this view in the city, huh?” Beau asked. 

“You do not,” you replied. Your smile grew, making his do the same without him realizing.

Inside though, he wanted to shake his head at himself. You were a bit younger than him. Maybe not by all that much, in the grand scheme of things, but he was in his mid-forties, divorced with a sixteen-year-old daughter, and a somewhat unpredictable, occasionally dangerous job. At this point, he wouldn’t exactly consider himself a catch.

You were also dealing with a complicated past of your own. You’d been through a lot, especially in the past couple of weeks.

And yet, Cassie’s probing questions circled through his mind, invading his thoughts every time he found himself looking your way. 

Your face slowly dimmed. “Next week is Mary’s funeral. I’m going back home for a few days.”

Beau processed that with a nod, but he could guess why you looked worried. 

“And your ex?” he asked.

“He’s going to be there for sure. We were all close.” A deep breath rushed out of you. You peeled your eyes away from the view and looked over at him. “God help me, I don’t want to go home…does that make me a bad person?”

“Nah, I get it,” he said. He regarded you with more weight in his gaze. “But this guy. Is he the aggressive type?”

“No,” you assured. Then more wryly, “He’s only dangerous to my mental health.”

You contemplated that reality for a moment, and you shook your head.

“You know how I found out about what he was doing?” you asked. “He sent me a Happy Birthday text…a spicy one, you could say. But it wasn’t my birthday.” 

“Damn,” Beau said, grimacing in sympathy. 

You tried not to, but you began tearing up. Beau wanted to brush them from your cheek as he drew closer on his horse. Instead, he settled a hand on your shoulder. 

“Hey,” he said, quiet and placating. “I’m thinking you’ve cried enough over this.”

“I just…I still feel so damn stupid,” you muttered, wiping under your eyes.  

“What, are you a Professor of Cheatin’ Bastards too?” Beau quipped. You smiled reluctantly.

“That’s not funny,” you complained. 

He flashed you a grin and allowed himself to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear when a breeze of wind blew it into your face.

“Come on. You know I’m funny,” he teased, but then, he became more serious. “It’s not your fault. Trust me, I know something about being the problem, and it’s not on you.”

Both your interest and concern were piqued.

“You and Carla?” you asked. “You’re telling me it was all on you?”

“Well, maybe not all. But like you, my ex-wife ain’t a fool,” Beau said. His eyes lowered, along with his hand from your arm. “Let’s just say, it was justified.”

Let’s just say, you contemplated. That seemed to be his favorite catchphrase.

You didn’t know if you altogether believed that. He was going to grief counseling for a reason. You wanted to ask why, more than anything, but you also didn’t want to press him on something if he didn’t want to talk about it. If he felt comfortable enough with you, someday, maybe he’d open up to you. 

So after a few minutes of savoring the view, and the moment, you returned to town together.

A few days later, Beau still had a bad feeling about Avery.

His company was being investigated by the SEC and was threatening to go under. Apparently, Avery had made “friends” with Luke on the trip, who according to Avery, let it slip that he and Paige had $15 million in cryptocurrency.

The passcode to that $15 million account was missing. Beau had more than half a mind to think Avery had made a play for it during that camping trip. Carla hadn’t known her new husband’s company was being investigated. She’d put her foot down with Avery about the lying, at least.

As a result, Beau’s only consolation in all this was that she and Emily were back in their house, while Avery was living out of a hotel in town. Beau might not be able to pin him for the stolen crypto right now, but he knew where to look for Avery when the evidence came.

The man was #1 on Beau’s punch list, and it was only getting longer.

Instead of letting those thoughts fester, he decided to actually take his lunch break, and go check in on his daughter. Denise and Cassie told him she was doing well as their summer intern.

Emily seemed to be enjoying her time helping the private investigators. She showed him her small workstation beside Denise’s desk, where she was organizing old and new files, inputting the hard copies into digital ones on Cassie’s spare laptop. Emily was also helping out with some database research on existing cases.

Satisfied that she was helping out, but wasn’t doing anything too close to actual police work, Beau took the opportunity to lean over to Denise and discreetly ask about you.

Namely, how you were doing, and if you’d called her from Chicago. He managed to hold himself from asking when you were coming back to Montana, at least.

Denise still gave him a certain smile.

“Yeah, she called yesterday. She’s coming back today actually,” she replied. “I’m planning to pick her up in a few hours.”

Beau’s lips twitched at a smile, and he nodded. “Good. That’s uh…that’s good. Tell her I said ‘welcome home.’”

Denise and Cassie shared a look, one that drew even Emily’s attention. She shot her dad a glance and noted the dumb smile on his face. One that he tucked away when he met Emily’s gaze.

“Anyway, looks like you’re doing all right here. You’re coming to stay with me tomorrow, right?” he asked her.

“Yeah, sure,” Emily agreed.

“Okay, kiddo. See ya then,” Beau said. He gave her a hug and kiss to the side of the head. Though she gave him a hug back, she watched with a bit of suspicion after he said goodbye to Cassie and Denise, strolling out the door like he was making some kind of escape.

The adults again shared a look of mutual understanding. Then Cassie smiled and grabbed her work bag.

“All right. I’ll be back in a bit. Need to check on a few leads,” she said.

After Emily and Denise waved her off, the latter made some tea and returned with a mug each for her and Emily. Denise reclaimed the seat behind her desk, but she turned towards the girl beside her.

“So, hun, how’re you doing?” Denise asked. “I mean, I know you’ve gone through a lot these past couple weeks, and we’re happy to give you a little distraction here. But are you okay?”

Emily bit her lip and turned her rolling chair towards Denise. She had to take some time with her answer. Ever since coming back from that camp, she didn’t know if she’d really answered that question honestly—not for her mom, or her dad.

“Well, on one hand, Mom kicked Avery out. Or, I guess he kicked himself out,” she said. “On the other hand, my mom and dad are getting along better than they have since before the divorce, so…there’s that.”

Emily rested her elbow on the desk in front of her, head in hand. Denise gave her a sympathetic half-smile.

“I don’t hate Avery,” Emily admitted. “I actually like him a lot. He made Mom happy again. But would it be nice if she and my dad…if we could be a family again? I mean, yeah.”

Denise was patient as she listened. She tried to keep her true thoughts on the matter inside as you came to mind, though she pushed all that into the background in order to give Emily her undivided attention. 

“At the same time, I don’t know,” Emily shrugged. “My dad’s a great person, but he’s not good at letting people in. I don’t think Mom could go through that again.”

“Go through what?” Denise asked. 

“The way my dad shut us out, after what happened to his partner,” Emily explained. Her face went from slightly sad, to wry. “Okay, yeah, my mom’s not the most patient person. But Dad still doesn’t talk about it, not even to Mom. Or to me.”

Denise had heard some small thing about Beau’s former partner from you, and even Jenny, but she didn’t know the specifics there. All she knew was it laid at the heart of Beau and Carla’s divorce.

“Well, he’s your dad,” Denise said with a sigh. “He wants to protect you, even if that means protecting you from himself.”

“Sure, okay, but he doesn’t have to though. Not all the time,” Emily said.

She could be a strong, even-keeled kid, mature for her age, but Denise saw the rare vulnerability in the girl’s eyes.

“Sometimes I wish he’d just talk to me,” Emily said. Her eyes fell away.

Denise’s heart broke for the girl. Not knowing what else to say, she scooched her chair forward and pulled Emily into a warm hug.

By the time Denise picked you up from the airport and dropped you off at your apartment, you were beyond exhaustion. Coming home from a week in your hometown in Chicago left you feeling drained. Physically, emotionally, down to your toes.

At least you were home.

It was a surprising feeling—the feeling that this was your home now. Already it felt real.

Seeing your ex will do that to you.

“So how was it?” Denise asked. She’d graciously made you dinner as well, so you didn’t have to cook or worry about eating out. You two sat on the couch in your living room while some romcom played in the background.

“Everything I thought it would be,” you replied, around a mouthful of meatloaf and mashed potatoes. You let out a heavy sigh.

It had been good to see your parents, you explained, and you’d finally been able to give your condolences to Mary’s parents in person—at the funeral.

That’s where Michael tried to corner you to hash out what would’ve been yet another argument, at the burial of all things. You had to restrain yourself from making a scene in front of Mary’s entire grieving family, as well as yours.

Denise shook her head. “That guy ain’t got an iota of shame.”

You snorted. “You’re telling me?!”

You shook your head and speared at your green beans with your fork. You couldn’t even mourn your friend in peace, for God’s sake.

“Did your parents try to get you to stay longer?” she asked.

Again, you scoffed. “Oh, yeah. They actually tried to use Mary’s death to get me to think Helena was more dangerous than Chicago.”

While you’d understood their point to an extent, your home city still maintained one of the worst crime rates in the U.S.

“Still think you made the right decision?” Denise asked. “Whatever’s in your heart about it, just know that I’m so happy to have you here.”

She took your free hand and squeezed. You managed to smile, if just a little.

“Yeah. I think so,” you replied.

Chicago would always have a place in your heart, but for better or worse, this was your new start. And you were taking it.

You woke up the next morning to a shiny new text message. Still bleary-eyed, you unlocked your phone, and you just had to smile.

It was from Beau Arlen, you were pleasantly surprised to find.

Hey there. Heard you were back in town. (Welcome home, by the way.) Just wanted to let you know that me, Cassie, and Jenny are hitting a bar tonight after shift. You’re welcome to join in. Say around 8?

Without even really thinking about it, you typed out your reply:

Sure! I’ll be there. (And thanks very much. It’s nice to know the county sheriff rolls out the welcome mat for all of Helena’s returning citizens.)

You got up and started your day. You were midway through brushing your teeth when your phone buzzed on the bathroom counter. Your lips curved into a smirk when you read Beau’s reply.

Sounds good. (And I’m happy to oblige. 😉)

You shouldn’t have been blushing at such a simple message, but it set off the butterflies regardless. You huffed and set down your toothbrush.

Damn it.

You were in trouble.

With such a nice start to your morning, you were smiling all the way into town. The place you were headed to was just down the street of Dewell & Hoyt, so you knew you had to stop in just to say hello. There you found Denise and Emily.

“Did you have a good trip?” Emily asked, after you let her go from a hug. You gave your aunt one next.

“It was…good,” you replied, with a sigh. “Mary’s at rest now.”

Your eyes stung at the thought, but you tried to blink past it, taking in a breath to steady yourself. While Denise rubbed your back, Emily squeezed your arm in comfort, leading you to give her a smile. She was a sweet girl.

“What brings you over?” Denise asked.

You shook your head to come back to yourself. You showed them the large bag you carried on your shoulder. It was full of your painting supplies.

“Well, I’m actually headed to an art studio just down the street. I looked up the lessons they were offering this week, and apparently today it’s painting on glass. Like a bowl, or a mug, or a little stained glass window. They’ve got different options.”

Emily looked intrigued. “Ooh, that sounds cool.”

“Yeah?” you said, raising a brow. “You’re welcome to come with me if you want. Unless my aunt can’t spare you, or you’d rather not. It’s fine.”

There was no pressure to your offer, but you remembered Emily being somewhat interested in your painting endeavors while on the camping trip. With everything the girl had been going through, you thought maybe she’d like something creative and fun to try to get her mind off things. You knew it was doing the same for you.

“No, that would be fun, I guess,” said Emily. She looked to Denise in askance, who waved a dismissive hand. 

“It’s okay, hun. Take the afternoon off,” she said. “I’ve got things here.”

Emily smiled and nodded.

“Okay. Let me just grab my stuff.”

You and Emily ventured together right down the street to the art studio. You paid for the $40 entrance fee each for you and Emily into the class.

You could see that she felt uncomfortable with that when you two took your seats near the back of the studio. It was pretty full, and neither of you wanted to be right at the front, preferring to hang out more chill-like in the back.

There at each long table was an easel each, after you chose what kind of glass you wanted to paint on. Emily chose a funky looking bowl, while you chose a rectangular piece of wood-framed glass.

“I’ll pay you back,” Emily said, once you two were comfortable in your respective seats. You waved her off.

“It’s okay, honey. I invited you,” you said. Then you gave her a conspiring look. “Here’s my rule of thumb, especially on dates, for example. The person who invites you should shell out.”

Emily smiled. “That makes sense to me.”

You saw the gears in her mind turning, and it reminded you of her little “summer project.” She’d told you about it a couple of times on that camping trip.

“How’s your podcast going?” you asked. The girl sighed; she chose a brush and started painting blue stripes across her glass bowl.

“Slow,” she admitted. “I’m lacking interesting subjects.”

You hummed at that. “Maybe you need a guest to help kick things off.”

Emily smiled at that. She turned to you with a gleam of excitement.

“Would you do it?” she asked.

Your mouth fell open in surprise. “Me? I think I’d be too boring. Isn’t your podcast about relationships?”

“Well, yeah, but that was a good bit you just had,” she said. “Who pays on a date?”

You thought about it with another hum of contemplation. Suddenly you could start to see the potential in her idea. You still didn’t want to be a subject of inquiry, but you didn’t want to dim her spark either.

“Well, it would be fun if you got a man’s perspective too,” you said.

Emily brightened. Finally, someone who cared about her side project. 

“What about Dad?” she said. “He’s a guy.”

You chuckled. “Well, yes.” 

Though you wondered about the last time he’d been on a date since his divorce, or if he even was dating right now. 

The more you thought about it, the more interesting it might be to see Beau answer some of those kinds of questions. It wasn’t at all because you were curious about the man yourself…

“Maybe you’re onto something there,” you said, a smile growing on your face.

“I’ll ask him,” Emily vowed. “Maybe he’ll actually open up for once.”

She sort of muttered that last bit. It caught your attention with a wry brow raise.

“What? Your dad is as chatty as they come,” you said. Emily rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, about dumb stuff,” she said. “Try to get anything serious out of him. He’s like an old clam.”

A snort of laughter escaped you. “Old clam. That’s nice.”

Though you saw that there was something deeper there for Emily. You’d seen these kinds of moments in some of your students before. Sometimes, they felt comfortable enough with you to share what they were going through at home. In Emily’s case, it seemed like she was hurting about something, maybe for a while now.

You continued painting on your glass project, but you offered her a look of understanding.

“Remember how I told you that my dad used to be a firefighter?” you said. Emily nodded.

“Well, your dad sounds a bit like mine. He’d rather consult a bottle of Jack Daniels than anyone else, really,” you confessed. “He saw a lot of things on the job that were hard. Too hard to explain. Possibly too hard to even work through. It made him…distant, when I was a kid. I don’t think we really connected until I got older.”

And even now, your relationship with him was rocky at best, after he’d suggested you try to work it out with Michael. You and your father hadn’t truly spoken ever since.

You still gave Emily a look of encouragement.

“But, it seems like you and your dad have a better relationship than I did with mine at your age,” you said.

That fell between you both while Emily ruminated in it. She started adding gold strokes to her bowl alongside the blue in swirling patterns, and it was a really nice touch, you told her. She thanked you with a little smile.

“Did my dad tell you that he lost his partner on the job?” she asked.

You sighed. “Yes, he told me some. We didn’t go too deep into it.”

“Well, for a whole year, it was like we barely existed,” she said. “Mom tried to help him. I tried…but I guess he was a lot like your dad.”

Your lips pressed together. You were sad to hear that, but it did remind you of what Beau told you that day, when he took you horseback riding.

“Well, maybe not all. But like you, my ex-wife ain’t a fool,” Beau had said. “Let’s just say, it was justified.”

You now nodded in understanding as you hummed. Let’s just say.

“He seems better now,” you remarked. 

“Yeah. He cleaned up when Mom left him,” Emily said. “I guess that’s what it took to snap him out of it.”

You shook your head, and you kept painting.  

You could understand Carla, all too well. It just hurt you, now that you knew what a good man Beau was. Your sympathetic heart said he didn’t deserve to get left behind when he needed his family the most.

However, the more logical part of you knew that sometimes, love just wasn’t enough to keep you tied to someone who didn’t seem to want to help themselves. When it felt like they were giving you no choice.

“Anyway, you’ll be my other guest, right?” Emily asked with a smile. “For the podcast.”

You barely resisted the urge to groan. As much as you preferred not to put yourself out there, you didn’t want to discourage the girl in her project.

“Well…okay. If you get your dad on, I’m sure it’ll be interesting,” you said, your lips forming a grin. You two continued to paint while chatting about Emily’s favorite subjects in school. English, sadly, was not one of them, but you weren’t offended by it. Shakespeare wasn’t for everyone.

“I’m actually meeting your dad for drinks tonight. If you want, I’ll ask him about being on the podcast, try to soften him up for you,” you offered. “Though I’m sure he’ll do it if you asked.”

Emily considered you with a bit more scrutiny. “Are you…seeing my dad?”

“Oh, no,” you said immediately. Just the suggestion had your cheeks warming. “Cassie and Jenny will be there too. It’s nothing like that.”

“Sure,” Emily said. She gave an awkward laugh. 

“Really, Em. He and I are just friends,” you promised. 

Even if that thought stung a little.

Despite what you told Emily, you did put a fair amount of effort into your appearance to meet your new friends that night for drinks.

You even put on your favorite red lipstick with some dark wash jeans, a black pair of ankle boots, and a black lace top to match, complete with off-the-shoulder sleeves. 

Cassie whistled lowly when she saw you walk into the bar from her seat in one of the booths. She smiled and nudged Beau, whose face slackened when he saw you. 

God help him, you were sexy as hell in black. 

Black lace, he corrected himself. Your hair was a bit wild and teased out. The flash of red was a pleasant surprise, momentarily drawing his eyes to your lips. He felt the back of his neck heat up, but he tried to hide it all behind a friendly smile. He found himself sliding out of the booth to hug you in greeting. 

Goddamn, she smells good too, he thought. Was that your perfume, or your shampoo? Whatever it was, he liked it more than was good for him.

He managed to let you go though, and he grinned at your somewhat shy smile. You moved on to greet Cassie next, then Jenny, before you slid into the booth next to her and across from Beau and Cassie. 

“How was Chicago?” Jenny asked. It brought the mood down some. You gave a true smile, however tinged with melancholy. It was still very difficult to talk about Mary, but since everyone at the table knew the full story, it was easier to be honest.

“Chicago was needed. It was good, in a way. I got to lay her to rest,” you replied. “But I’m glad to be back.”

“Glad to have you back,” Cassie said. She passed you a tequila shot. 

“Ooh, nice.” You weren’t usually one for hard liquor, but tonight, you thought you could let yourself go a little. You downed the shot in one. 

“Eyy, good job,” Beau said, raising his whiskey with a wink. You laughed in slight embarrassment and wiped the corner of your mouth.

While Cassie called over the closest server to get them started with some appetizers for the table, you turned to Beau.

“You know, I did a painting class with Emily today,” you told him. “She did great! Has a nice little bowl to put her jewelry in.”

He raised his brows, smiling. “Is that so? What do you know. My little girl’s a budding artist. Is she gonna go all broody and steal even more of my vinyl?”

You shook your head in amusement.

“She’s a teenager. They don’t need any excuses to be broody,” Jenny remarked.

“Fair enough,” Beau chuckled.  

“Actually, she asked me to be on her podcast,” you said. “She wanted to see if you’d join in for a segment.”

The man looked uncertain at that. You understood his reservations, because you had the same ones. Cassie and Jenny looked amused by the idea of him getting recorded and put on social media by his sixteen-year-old.

“Look, I know, but she just wants to ask us a few questions,” you said. “Like who should pay on a date, that sort of thing.”

Beau rested his elbows on the table and folded his hands. The humor in his green eyes shone under the soft gold lamplight.

“Well, that’s easy. I was raised to be a gentleman,” he said. “I wouldn’t feel right letting a woman pay for me.”

You tilted your head in interest. A smile started to play on your lips as you leaned forward on your folded arms.

“Huh. Well, I think whoever asks the person out should pay,” you posed. “That doesn’t necessarily mean the man pays every time.”

Beau’s lips twitched, but there was a subtle shake of his head.

“I don’t know. That just doesn’t sit right with me for some reason,” he said. 

You turned to Jenny and Cassie for some support, and they both gave Beau an unimpressed look.

“You mean to tell me you wouldn’t let me pay for my own drinks?” you asked. “I have a job. I make money, same as you.”

At that, Beau chuckled. “Hey now, I didn’t say you couldn’t pay for your own. But you’re certainly not paying for mine.”

“So in your world, I can’t ever treat my man if I want to?” you challenged.

“What, you mean to tell me you don’t like getting spoiled?” Beau countered.

When you smiled, it had an amused, almost flirtatious edge that began to make him hot under the collar. 

“Occasionally, sure I do,” you replied. “But then again, who doesn’t like getting spoiled now and again?”

“Doesn’t have to be about who pays either,” Cassie interjected. 

“It sure doesn’t,” Jenny agreed. The women laughed and clinked their drinks together, leaving Beau with a warming face under his beard. He once again chuckled, conceding defeat. 

Conversation spiraled from there, in which Jenny mentioned something about her and Beau’s latest finished case about Brett, a skydiving, former firefighter’s murder.

It was a coverup for a larger scheme within his old firehouse—where firefighters had been looting homes after they’d been cleared out of a fire. Brett’s friend had been killed on one of those jobs, and not by accident either.

“That’s awful,” you said with a frown, once she finished explaining.

Against your will, it made you think of your ex-fiancé, Michael. He was still an active firefighter. While he had been a shitty boyfriend, at the very least you’d never had reason to question his integrity as a first responder.

“Yeah, it was hard on the father too. He’s the unit chief, and the whole operation was happening on his watch,” Beau said. “One of his own firefighters killed his son. It’s damn near unthinkable.”

Beau’s mood had shifted the moment Jenny brought up this case, you noticed. He was staring mostly into his half-empty whiskey glass, as if contemplating a refill.

“We said we wouldn’t talk shop tonight,” Cassie said. She seemed to notice his downshift as well. She got up out of her seat in the booth. “Let me get the next round. Another tequila?”

“Sure,” you shrugged. You’d probably pace yourself this time.  

“Not for me, I’m good with this,” Beau said. 

He held that whiskey between his hands, and you were glad that he was going slow. Your conversation with Emily about his own bout with grief and loss was still fresh in your mind. While your heart broke for him, you were also a little worried for him. Had this latest case opened up some old wounds?

“I’ll go with you,” Jenny said. You slid out of the booth so Jenny could as well. It left you and Beau to talk, while Jenny and Cassie went up to the bar together.

Cassie tried to get the bartender’s attention, but she glanced at her friend out of the corner of her eye.

“You okay?” she asked.

“Fine. Why?” Jenny replied. But she wasn’t meeting Cassie’s gaze. She was watching you and Beau, almost in melancholy.

Cassie’s brows furrowed as she realized what was happening. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t noticed it before, considering both of their professions. 

“Aw, Jenny…” Cassie breathed. She wondered just how long her friend had been harboring some feelings for Beau Arlen.

Knowing she was “caught,” Jenny gave a wry smile.

“Don’t. It’s not a big deal,” she said quietly. “He likes her.”

Cassie sighed. “I think so. Even if he doesn’t realize it yet.”

“He deserves something good,” Jenny said. Her smile was a bit more genuine this time. Cassie nodded in agreement.

“So does she, after what she’s gone through.”

“So how are you doing?” you asked Beau. It was the first time you’d been alone with this man since that horse riding lesson last week, and part of you was feeling a bit nervous.

Just friends, like you told Emily. You had to remind yourself. Just friends…until evidence points to the contrary.

At your question, Beau heaved a sigh, running a hand over his face. Suddenly he looked more tired than he did before. The laugh lines around his eyes looked more like the telltale signs of stress.

“Well, first off, we found the missing backpacker,” he said. “It seems the poor young man fell down a cliff while hiking.”

Your brows furrowed and you covered your mouth with a hand. “Oh my God.”

Beau nodded in grim confirmation. His gaze met yours.

“But I also wanted to tell you this in person when you got back. I’ve also got a silver lining on our mountain man, Walter,” he continued. “He confessed to murdering Paige. He’s keeping tight-lipped about Mary and Luke, but we’ve got him dead set to rights on at least one of the murders.”

You processed that with a shaky breath. Then you nodded.

“We’re gonna keep working on him from every angle, I promise,” Beau said. Just like he’d promised you before—that he would get justice for Mary. You believed him.

“Thank you,” you said. Your gaze softened, and you contemplated laying your hand over his on the table. You just barely stopped yourself.

Instead, you cleared your throat and swiped some of your hair over your shoulder.

“Any other news, hot off the press?” you joked, trying to alleviate the heaviness in your heart. Beau quirked a smile. He leaned back in his seat and carded a hand through his hair.

“Ahh. Well…you know I’m investing my ex-wife’s husband,” he said drolly, sipping his whiskey. “And that’s going about as well as it sounds. I can’t get into the details of course…but he might be dealing in something shady.”

Your eyes widened. “Shady, or dangerous?”

Beau realized how he’d let that last bit slip out. He wished he hadn’t. Not only did he not want to worry you, but he didn’t want you anywhere near his open cases.

“I’m keeping close tabs on Carla and Emily just to be safe,” he admitted. 

Your face became the picture of concern. But before you could respond, a man approached the table, tall and lean, with a shaggy cut of dark blonde hair. He wore a pair of faded jeans, boots, and a gray and red Chicago FD shirt. 

Your face paled, and your mouth parted in surprise. 

“Hey there, stranger,” he said with a smile. 

“Michael?” you gasped.

AN: 🫣 Yep, we're going there lol. But how did you like the horseback riding lesson? Or her little day out with Emily? Or the bit of fun at the bar, before Michael showed up?

You'll definitely be seeing more of that guy in Part 5...

Next Time:

“Michael?” you gasped. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Beau’s eyes widened. Michael was younger than him, closer to your age. And cocky too.  

“Hey, baby,” Michael said. His smile quirked with charm, but his next words were anything but charming. 

“We need to talk,” he said, raising his brows.

“We actually don’t,” you retorted in a firmer voice. Cold even. You straightened in your seat. 

Beau saw none of your softness and good humor from earlier. This was a different woman, and he was actually proud of you for standing your ground. Though he realized then that he’d never gotten on your bad side. (He hoped he never did.)

▶️ Keep Reading: PART 5

Ko-Fi Me ☕

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[bg-brainrot]

To Be Known (Astarion x GN!Tav)

Featuring: Astarion x Rogue!Tav

Series: Fits into Love at First Knife, AO3 link here

Summary: Astarion reads a book and wonders what it means to be known.

Tags: Astarion's POV, POV Second Person, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Fluff, Comfort, Vampire Spawn Astarion, set in Act 3 but pre-Cazador, Astarion is Bad at Feelings,

A/N: Disclaimer up top: I'm not abandoning any of my other fic! Promise! Just trying to get over a tough month and get back into the swing of things :'D

Also, based on the quote: “To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is like being loved by God.” (disclaimer: I’m not religious, and I know this quote comes in a few different forms, but google told me about this version so I stuck to it.)

Word count: ~2.1k

“To be fully known and truly loved is as if you are loved by the gods,” Astarion reads aloud, to no one in particular.

A silence follows, wherein his mind repeats the words he’s just read, absorbing none of them. To be fully known and truly loved… The words don’t seem to stick. 

Finally deciding that the sentence isn’t worth his effort, he tosses the book onto his bedroll with a groan. “What rubbish.”

Outside of this author's haughty approach to prose, Astarion doesn’t particularly care to think too deeply about what it means to be loved– especially by any godsforsaken deities. 

He has only just come around to the idea of love, not that he’s said the word ‘love’ to you just yet. It felt too much, too heavy a word to carry considering all of the other burdens the two of you bore between you. But the idea of it? Well, he was warming up to it. And with every moment shared between you, he believes he may be warming up all the more.

But what does being known have to do with love? No, that concept has him pulling his brows together, getting up from his bedroll and putting distance between himself and the drivel that Gale had recommended to him.

That’s what I get for listening to the damned wizard’s tastes, he thinks, shaking his head slightly. Some philosophical prattle, just as verbose as he is.

But even as he stands, brushes himself off, shoves the book away to the furthest corner of his tent before he makes to leave, the question of being known never escapes him.

What does it even mean to be known? he wonders, now lost in thought as he emerges from his tent. How could anyone know me, after all I’ve been through… do I even know who I am anymore?

The idea hangs over him, trails him like a storm cloud as he begins stalking about the camp you’ve all set up in the outskirts of Rivington. He’s not sure where his feet are leading him other than away– away from the distasteful book, away from away from your knowing gaze, which would only pry his thoughts out of him.

Much to Astarion’s disappointment, the trail he takes doesn’t stop the winding path his thoughts have taken.

Have I ever been known? he wonders, vaguely registering the breeze in his hair and the distant sounds of running water as he travels further and further from camp.

Perhaps I was once upon a time, but I could hardly be expected to remember now, could I? The thought is bitter and unwelcome, though likely true. He brusquely swats a branch out of his way and continues into a bramble unrepentantly. Gods, how can he bring himself to care about something as trifling as nature when he’s quite busily lost in thought right now, thank-you-very-much.

Astarion releases a sigh as he finally fights his way into a copse of trees. Secluded, finally. 

Alone. 

With his thoughts.

Which won’t seem to quiet despite the soft chittering of small animals, nor the sickly sweet smell of flowers in the air.

Why are some pitiful poet’s ‘words of wisdom’ even bothering me? he thinks as he lowers himself onto the trunk of a fallen tree. What’s even the use in being known?

Astarion crosses his legs in front of him, watching with narrowed eyes as his boots press into the soft grass, crushing it easily. There is no use to being known, he decides as he presses harder with one foot and the grass is further flattened. To wish that is…

His foot twists down even more firmly.

Pathetic, Astarion thinks, lifting his boot back up to see his handiwork. The grass lies flat, thoroughly smashed by him. This world is simply about being the one who tramples, and not the one being trampled.

That thought oddly comforts him. He knows the push and pull of power well enough– this dynamic is second nature to him. Like an old, threadbare blanket, it wraps around his shoulders, providing no warmth, but plenty of familiar reassurance.

It’s moments later that the blanket is wrenched from him and he’s laid bare once more, under the startling sunlight of your attention.

“Astarion?”

Your voice pierces through his thoughts, and his instinctual answering emotions are new to him. Surprise. Elation. Relief.

The vampire had been utterly unprepared to hear your voice, convinced he’d found a spot away from you all. Convinced that you wouldn’t be here with your thoughtful gaze– not now, while he’s still busy sorting through a myriad of questions. But he still can’t deny the way he welcomes your presence. 

He suspects that your perceptive gaze can easily catch that, despite the way his shoulder’s tense and the way his head turns away, his ears still tilt back toward you, ready for your next words.

“Astarion, there you are,” you say. He hears the same emotions he feels in your voice. How odd it feels to be mirrored by you. He can’t deny enjoying that either. “What’s the matter? When I couldn’t find you around camp, I thought the worst might have happened."

The man scoffs, trying his best to sound unaffected by your sudden arrival, refusing to meet your inquiring gaze. “And what, pray tell, did you assume could have happened?”

“We’re practically at the Gate, Astarion. Anything could have happened. Need I remind you what happened to Dribbles?” you respond, voice tight with worry. 

Ah yes. The dead clown. “It will take more than a shapeshifter to take me out, darling,” he retorts, still refusing to turn toward you, now dutifully inspecting his nails.

You let out a small huff of disapproval. “And what about Cazador?”

“I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself,” Astarion replies, though the thought of being caught unawares by Cazador bristles at him. If he did get caught, it would be entirely Gale’s fault for lending him that book… He shakes his head of white curls and continues, “Besides, I barely got more than a few dozen yards away before you came chasing after me. I could hardly be in any real danger.”

When you sigh, he finally turns to face you. The expression you give him then isn’t frustration, nor anger– it’s an unusual mixture of worry and… joy? “I couldn’t help but chase. Would it be pathetic to say that I miss you when you’re gone for too long?” you respond.

He’s not sure he has an answer to that.

Especially when he feels pathetic for how light his undead heart feels at the statement.

Astarion drops his head, avoiding your gaze, and hoping you don’t catch the startled happiness on his face.

When it’s clear he doesn’t have a response for you, you change the subject as you close the distance between you, “So, what brought you out here?”

“Nothing,” he replies, too easily. You know it’s a lie. He knows that you know it.

“Nothing, eh?” you ask, finding a seat next to him on the fallen tree. “What about that nothing has you running into the woods?”

“I was not running,” he defends, with a click of his tongue. “I was taking a brisk stroll.”

“Fine then,” you relent, elbowing his arm gently. “What about it led to a ‘brisk stroll’?”

There’s no use hiding from them, is there? he thinks, leaning back on the trunk. “I’ll tell you,” he begins, staring out into a bush. “But only if you answer a question for me.”

“Anything,” you say, and he can feel your shrug on his arm.

“Who am I, really?”

You still. Astarion had expected no less. After all, it’s not an easy question to answer– even for him. He’s putting quite a lot of undue pressure onto you with the question, it’s selfish really… but he can’t help but want to be selfish around you.

So he lets the question settle into the silence.

When you finally speak, your voice is crisp in the muted sounds of the clearing. “Promise you won’t care for me any less after I answer you?”

Astarion snaps his head back at you, his mouth turning down in a frown. “Well that depends, my dear. What are you planning to say?”

“Promise?” you press.

As if he could care any less for you– he would have done so already if he could. “I promise,” he murmurs reluctantly. “Now, please, the suspense is really too much.”

“You are Astarion,” you start, reaching out for his hand. He cautiously places his in yours, unable to hide the twitch of a smile as your warm fingers lock with his. “You’re a beautiful, elven vampire, with silver hair, and red eyes. You’re talented, witty, and…”

Your voice trails off, and Astarion can’t help but wonder why you’d been so hesitant to answer. So far, he is loving this answer.

“And you’re an absolute arse at times.”

“Excuse me?” he gasps, moving to pull his hand out of yours.

You don’t release it, but you do continue, “You laugh at the misfortune of others, you steal, you lie, you cheat at games, you can be incredibly selfish.”

“Darling, are we certain you care about me after all this?” he grumbles, giving up on fighting your grip on him as your words wash over him. He knows all of this, of course, has been entirely unashamed of it all before… but it feels different when you say it. When you lay it out plainly before him.

“Yes,” you answer quickly, tugging on his hand gently. “Because all of that makes you you. And, personally, I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

He blinks at you, confused on how you arrived at this conclusion.

“You are so unabashedly you, love. And I adore that. I know it might not feel like it after all you’ve been through… but you are still yourself. No one has been able to take that from you.”

Now Astarion stares at your intertwined hands, wondering if he deserves such impassioned, absurd words said in his defense. His voice comes quietly when he asks his next questions, “And how do I know that’s who I have always been? Who I was meant to be?”

You bring his hand up to your lips, pressing a soft, warm kiss before you continue, “Astarion, I don’t know what might have bothered you, but I want you to know that, no matter what it was, you’re amazing as the man you are. Whoever you were, whoever you think you were meant to be, you should be proud of who you are now. And… once we deal with Cazador, I hope you have the chance to rediscover that man.”

Astarion hadn’t meant this to be some kind of journey of self-discovery– really, he’d only been irked by the needless philosophy of the book Gale had lent him. But, hearing you say those words, it feels as if some weight has been lifted from his shoulders.

Worry, he realizes. Of losing who he was, of course, but also of being utterly, desolately unknown. Naturally he needn’t have worried because here you are, ready and willing to understand him. To accept and care for him, even while knowing him, flaws and all.

Maybe being known wasn’t such a burden. Not if it were by you.

“Yes, well,” he begins, suddenly unsure what to say to your earnest words. “Thank you for that, I think. Though, really, I could have done without all of the barbs. It feels like I've been struck by psychic damage.” Astarion gives a dramatic head loll, averting his flustered face.

You laugh and squeeze his hand. “Well, it’s a good thing I have no clue how to deal psychic damage, but I’ll be sure to get Gale right over if you need a good jostle to the brain.”

Gale’s done enough of that, Astarion thinks. But he doesn’t say so to you. Instead, the man simply shakes his head. “I’m quite alright. Speaking of the rest of those fools, they’ve likely begun to burn the camp down without us. Shall we head back?”

While the trek to the clearing had been filled with spiraling thoughts and matters of the self, Astarion finds that the journey back is filled with far more soft touches and kisses– Not that he minds.

In fact, he thinks with a smile, as you both walk together, practically falling into each others’ arms. Maybe this was who I was meant to be all along.

That night, once he’s settled back into his tent for bed, Astarion reads the passage once more, “To be fully known and truly loved is as if you are loved by the gods.”

Astarion is certainly no closer to believing in the gods’ willingness or ability to love him, but he could hardly care. No, he suspects that he knows what a god’s love is– after all, if you truly love him, fangs, scars, and all… well, that may very well be divine.

[the-monkey-ruler]

Which translation/adaptation of JTTW is best for beginners? Besides maybe Dragon Ball (doubt it counts)

Heh yeah I mean it’s a great anime but I don’t think you would have a good Xiyouji experience per se. Usually, I see Dragon Ball used as a gateway for people to THEN read/watch Xiyouji content but like it doesn’t really have much Xiyouji plot wise even if the characters are homages.

I would say that if you want an ACCURATE Xiyouji experience then you can choose between three shows. That being the classic 1986 which is many people's first Xiyouji experience as the cast is so iconic you see these designs in dozens of movies and their influence in future performances. The second is more family-friendly but still one of the most charming and fairly accurate portrayals is the 1999 Xiyouji animation, I would say far more younger people's first piece of media and without a doubt the best Xiyouji animation series thus far personally. That last I would suggest is 2011 Xiyouji series which is one of the more newer shows and I would say I would that if you want more modern effects and humor than this might be a preferance to the 1986 version. They both have their own charm but just depends on what you are looking for!

Now while these are the most accurate there are some Xiyouji media I would still recommend even if they take far more liberties.

This without a doubt being the 1996 tv series. This is portrayed as more of a drama but between the characters and the pure HEART AND LOVE that is in this show that you will be falling in love with the characters. It vaguely follows the Xiyouji monster of the weak formula but taking far more time to humanize each enemy and having our main cast overcome not only physical obstacles but also their own emotional obstacles as well. Fantastic show. Another is Chinese Odessey (please note this is a two part movie)! This does NOT follow the journey at all instead more of an introspective of the character Wukong. This is more of comedy but this is a cult classic as one of the first romance films with Wukong to show him as more of a complex hero which was a deviation from how he was portrayed in media for years as this point. This movie is silly but it is actually very heartfelt and makes you feel for these characters's plights. If you don't know Xiyouji I would say you will be confused, but you can fall in love with these characters anyway! Whil I can't suggest Dragon Ball I can suggest another Son Goku from My Son Goku! This is a Japanese production but the animation is so fluid and the characters are not only charming but there are some heart reaching scenes in this very cute art style! I would say give this a watch if you enjoy anime but also can appreciate angst even in a cute style.

If you are looking for more just great Xiyouji movies that you can pop in and a fantastic one is the 2015 Hero is Back! This was the Wukong come back animation-wise since 1999 and a lot of people first Wukong in the big screens! Does take liberties story wise as we don't see Sha Wujing or any of the journey really, but the HEART and soul of Sun Wukong is there. Another great one is just watching the first and classic 1961 Havoc in Heaven! This was the staple of Wukong iconics for decades and even now you see this Wukong in commercials! This is just a beautiful art style and without a doubt charming and feel good vibes. This one is surprising but actually Nezha Reborn where Sun Wukong actually makes a cameo appearance, but I hear so many people got into Xiyouji just cause how much they love him. So while it's not Xiyouji I would say give it a watch if you are a die hard Sun Wukong fan.

There is also Monkey King Reborn which while less known I still think is wonderfully popular and shows both great animation and also how all three characters of Wukong, Bajie, and Wujing interact in a movie. There is also Monkey King 2 which I know that usually I would say which the first movie but honestly the second movie is my personal fav. You don't miss much without watching the first as the second starts right at the begging of the journey and we are introduced to some of the best designs for these characters in my opinion. This last one is kinda of a hit-or-miss but Conquering the Demon! This one follows Sanzang as a demon hunter in a loosely based story of him finding his disciples, each more monstrous than the last in a dark-comedy! If you enjoy Stephen Chow films then you know what kind of humor you are going to get but it is new take on Xiyouji films in a unique but still entertaining manner! They really make you feel for Sanzang as a character and one of the best humanizations of him really as a man still learning about the world himself.

There some other that are great but I would suggest more on a second watch or if you know the story more! Saiyuki / The Great Alakazam was the first eng dub saiyuki piece of media that came to the USA and still had a lasting influence with the beloved character Rinrin! There is also Monkey King 2009 that only looks at the story BEFORE the journey, adding so many elements to Wukong's childhood and his relationship with the Six Eared Macaque. I would also suggest the Monkey King Netflix Movie as while it is fast-paced it really makes you understand how dangerous but also how complex Sun Wukong is. I think it was a charming movie so give it a watch!. Last is Immortal Demon Slayer! This movie was based on a web novel that was extremely popular in the early 2000s which was based off Chinese Odessey funny enough! This is a movie I would suggest if you know Xiyouji already but it such a tragedy I have to share if you love angst.

If anyone wants to share their what was their first Xiyouji or their favorite Xioyuji please let me know!

[earthstellar]

Brave Bang Bravern!: A Review for Transformers Fans

I've seen so much about this on my dash that I had to give it a try, and I gotta say, as someone who hasn't watched any new anime series since around 2008 at the most recent and I also hate the fucking military, this is a pretty good show.

THERE WILL BE SOME MILD SPOILERS. Nothing major. I'm not gonna spoil anything critical or mention characters that are introduced later etc. At of time of writing, only 6 episodes have been released.

Understanding Genre: The Trailer is A Lie

Now, while there is a trailer here, I want you to largely disregard it.

Why is that? Well, we need to talk about the "big two" robot show genres in Japan, which are as follows:

Real Robot -- This refers to a typically military setting or other serious setting, in which robots are handled as realistically as possible in terms of how they work and how they are applied. There tend to be less individual/sentient robots and more "suit" type mechs right along side human-made, more realistic machinery and mech designs, although that isn't entirely unique to this genre. Usually this stuff is labelled as sci-fi/action outside of Japan.

Super Robot (THIS IS THE SHIT TRANSFORMERS FANS GENERALLY WANT) --Essentially borderline seemingly magical robots with their own rules and in universe backstory for how they work, which isn't necessarily tied to realism. Usually this stuff is labelled as sci-fi/fantasy or space fantasy outside of Japan, since a lot of these tend to be space robots. They can be "driven" by pilots or just straight up sentient robots who are vibing with some human companions, although it's not exclusively that. It can be both, it can be neither, but no matter what, Super Robot shows are less about strict realism and more about really cool shit with robots that are basically their own people and exist according to their own rules.

Now, the trailer for BBBB (the acronym for the show is based on the Japanese title, which is Bang Brave Bang Bravern) is a COMPLETE FUCKING LIE.

It wants you to think this is going to be some dumbass GI Joe shit.

While there are elements of dumbass GI Joe shit, this is largely just to set up the premise for why shit is happening in the first place, and to help introduce the main threat (alien space creatures with fucking light beam lasers) as well as bring in our main characters under the premise of everyone having to work together to address this alien threat to Earth.

What we care about here amongst Transformers freaks is gay space robots, and this show delivers.

Getting Into Bravern: First Episode, Mild Plot Spoiler Summary

It wants you to think this is a Real Robot show.

The first episode sets things up as though it will be a Real Robot show.

There is a threat to Earth, a mystery space alien mechanical enemy, and nobody knows what the fuck to do. A military exercise between multiple nations using Titanostriders (which look very much like Shiro Masamune Appleseed-style mechs, human made in nature) to practice battle drills who are now instructed to swap over to real ammunition and go to fucking town.

Nobody knows how to do that.

They're skilled with the Titanostriders, sure, but it turns into a shit show. The alien mechanical enemies are using fucking space laser shit, it's a disaster---

--And then Bravern drops in from the fucking sky and it IMMEDIATELY TURNS INTO A SUPER ROBOT SHOW.

There's a "get in the robot, Shiji" moment where one of the Titanostrider operators, Isami Ao, is encouraged by Bravern to get inside of him.

He does. And immediately has no idea what the fuck is going on, Bravern is largely in control, and starts to blast his own theme song inside his cockpit as diegetic music while Isami is generally losing his shit, as one might do.

Humanity's reaction to Bravern is Real Robot genre type, where it is handled seriously by all the characters and organisations involved in universe, however Bravern is very much a Super Robot genre character who brings more of a Super Robot energy to the show at large.

The serious elements are mostly balanced by how fucking silly Bravern is, and there are some excellent moments in this show (currently only 6 episodes have been released) which make it entirely worth a watch.

Fun Things About Bravern Himself

Braven is very, very, very gay for his pilot.

Chances are, you've seen the screenshots of some of these moments on Tumblr already, but the delivery of these lines is magnificent.

Bravern sings his own theme song. It's the voice actor for Bravern doing the vocals, and the song itself is reminiscent of 1970s orchestrated big band energy mecha themes. For Transformers fans, it has a very Transformers Victory theme kind of vibe to it.

You gotta hear it, it fucking rules. The album cover shows Bravern holding a giant microphone.

Bravern is generally light hearted, doing his best to motivate his pilot while not hesitating to enter the action and try to defend humanity.

Now, why does Bravern care about humans so much? We don't know, but we'll talk about some mysteries in a later section below.

He is surprisingly insightful at times, while also fucking around and enjoying himself. (You may have seen screenshots going around Tumblr of Bravern with a loop of hot dogs strung around one of his chevron points on his forehead. This follows a scene in which he wants his pilot to take a break and associate with his peers for once, as a way to relieve stress. So they go to a bar, it turns out reception is positive and someone even brings weenies out for Bravern since he's too big to fit inside, lol.)

Generally, he's a very interesting mech, because we have so little information about him. He's fun, and clearly vibing, but he's also borderline if not outright obsessed with his pilot and has unknown origins, which has lead to some darker interpretations and audience discussion.

A lot of people have compared Bravern's energy to Rodimus, and generally I would agree with that. He has his high-energy silly moments, and his more serious personal moments (primarily with Isami, but also with Smith), and I think these aspects of his character work well to create a fun mech with the potential to be deep in a believable and effective way, with an equal capacity for being a doofus.

Bravern is obviously the number one reason to watch the show for most people, and I would say that if you're purely here for a giant gay space robot, then this is going to be a decent watch.

The Military Sucks: There Are Militaries Involved Yet Somehow This Is Still Watchable

I hate the fucking military, so at least the military here is depicted in an acceptable way (so far, at least). In episode 2, they waterboard Isami to interrogate him for information he doesn't have regarding Bravern, which is a realistically shitty and awful thing for the military to do-- They don't sugarcoat how fucked up the military is. These people very much have the capacity to harm their own staff, and they will do so if it means they might get an edge over the enemy.

At the same time, the actual characters in the military are depicted as primarily doing this shit out of a genuine personal desire to defeat these horrendously destructive space entities, which have attacked at least some of their home towns and home countries, so it's more personal rather than purely being a military directive that people are being forced to follow.

In this way, it's not really realistic, but everyone is on board for their own largely humanitarian aid type of reasons (there is a mission which is basically just locating survivors of an attack and then getting the fuck out) which makes the military context feel less oppressive and shitty.

Part of why this is more OK than other military depictions is because the military forces involved here are international (collaborating to defeat a global threat rather than kill each other's civilians) and because the military is clearly losing this war.

Because it's an international effort, this brings more diversity to the show-- There's a surprising amount of English interspersed between dialogue in Japanese here and there, and the military board consists of representatives from multiple nations, including some Germans who at first believe Bravern is some kind of secret American operation, lmao.

Bravern calls the military out on its shit, and essentially tells the military board to stop with the suspicious infighting bullshit and drop the internal tension because otherwise they'll all die to this mechanical nightmare creature threat.

They actually listen, which means this is an unrealistic portrayal of the military, lmao. I think they struck a good balance so far between showing that the military sucks and has problems, while also making sure that you're not really cheering for any given military force, but rather, you cheer for individual characters who just happen to be stuck doing this military shit as a premise for anything to be going on in the show at all.

So it's not the worst when it comes to the military shit; At least so far, it's watchable, which as someone who passionately hates the fucking military, is surprising to me.

It's less GI Joe and more "we just needed a reason for these characters to be involved in this situation".

Of course, your mileage may vary, but personally I found it easy to tune out or just skip through any military shit that got grating and I didn't miss anything important by doing so. At the very least, you can skip around and ignore a lot of this stuff and get right to the gay robot if that's all you want to do. It becomes clear pretty quickly what's going on if you skip around a bit, so no worries there.

Fun Speculation: What is Bravern?

Only 6 episodes are out at the moment, so there's tons of shit we don't know yet.

Bravern has a notable resemblance to a type of enemy in the show, called a Death-Drive.

Death-Drives are mecha who are distinct from the "minion" type enemies (which almost resemble flying saucers with laser gun arms and light shields), and have their own unique character designs and names.

Why these things are here, how they are here, why they are interested in Earth, and everything else is currently unknown.

Bravern looks like he could possibly be of the same mechanical species, although we don't know if that's true (yet). He has abilities that the other mecha don't seem to have, but how far this goes and what it might mean is not yet clear.

Bravern also seems to have knowledge of human media (he references The Abyss at one point and he likes 3D printing figures of sentai show characters lmao), and was immediately able to speak to the humans using language they would understand, so it's unclear if Bravern may have been studying Earth for some time before his arrival or why.

He is obsessed with his pilot and cares for him so much that he extends some care towards others purely based on their relation to Isami as co-workers; Why? What makes Isami special?

How does Bravern know seemingly every human language? How does his piloting system work? How similar is he to the Death-Drives-- Are organic beings critical to them in some way? If so, why are the other mechs killing so many of us? (These are big questions especially by the end of episode 6, due to some spoilers and a spoiler character who shows up later.)

We know little to nothing about a lot of the key elements of the show, including any motivations for the Death-Drives or what they are, what's up with the fucking UFO looking laser things, etc.

There's more to speculate on, but that would be getting into deeper spoiler territory so I'm gonna hold back on that for now.

Summary: It's Gay and Cool and Has Interesting Ideas

Bravern's not the sole source of gay vibes in this show, but it's fun that he is also a source of gay vibes in this show.

The designs are great, the Titanostriders remind me of Appleseed style mechanical suit designs which is nice, the Death-Drives are super interesting, Bravern is fucking fabulous but he's not too goofy to take seriously, and the military is unfortunately present but it's clear that they suck and are generally losing (and since the conflict is not between different groups of humans but rather is about human collaboration to defeat a non-human shared threat to our entire planet, this goes a long way to make the military shit tolerable).

It pretends to be a Real Robot show but has so much Super Robot show sprinkled in that you might as well consider it a little bit of both which the show balances pretty well.

I haven't watched an anime since around 2008 at the very latest, so I don't know how this might compare to any other robot animes since then and I am certainly not an anime expert by any means LOL, but this has been a fun show to watch so far.

It does have its problems, of course, but if you can get past the setup for the first episode (when it's still pretending to be a Real Robot show), from the moment Bravern arrives towards the end of that first episode, the show gains momentum and starts to get interesting very quickly.

It has some issues. But we're only 6 episodes in, so at the moment, they have plenty of time to potentially address those issues and we'll see where things go.

I'd recommend it if you want to give it a try!

I think there's enough here to appeal to the usual Transformers crowd and you might end up liking it, or at least having fun while watching it in the background.

If you end up wanting to to tap out then no worries-- I think it's worth giving it a shot and if it's not your thing, no problem.

Each episode is around 25 - 30 minutes, so while the first episode might feel like a slog to get through because fuck the military, once Bravern shows up the show actually gets started and I wouldn't blame anyone for just skipping to that point in the first episode and going from there, because there's nothing in that opening that you won't be reminded of or be able to figure out. It mostly just sets up the intro to the human characters and the collaboration training session, introduces the Titanostriders as a thing, and you can always go back and watch that part later if you want to.

All in all, pretty decent! Obviously we're Transformers people so we're here for the robots, and the robots are interesting and fun, and that's all I need to have a good time.

Hopefully this was a useful summary if you're interested or have seen Bravern stuff on your dash! :)

Thanks for reading!

BONUS: I forgot to mention this somehow, but there's a lot of overlap between Transformers and other Brave shows involving actual Transformers re-used in Japan for these shows; There's a good video about it here on YouTube which explains some of this, but if anyone's wondering, yes Bravern has a grounder alt-mode and it's pretty cool. Will we get a transforming Bravern figure??? We can hope!

There's another video here which mentions some of the Transformers elements in other Brave shows/Yuusha, which might be interesting for those of you who are unaware. :)

[chryblossomjjk]

midnight mistakes | jjk

⇢ PAIRING: fuckboy!jk x inexperienced reader

⇢ RATING: m/18+

⇢ WC: 2.5k

⇢ WARNINGS: v brief sm*t, v slight angst, oc is sick rip, pregnancy scare putting their relationship to the test eep!!!, brief mentions of abortion (reader considers it)

⇢ SUMMARY: a midnight romp with jungkook leads to tears on your cheeks and a pregnancy test in your hand

⇢ NOTES: i miss writing sm so here's a lil drabble of our otp :') school has been v overwhelming lately and it makes me so sad that i don't have as much time to write on here anymore. hopefully, things will calm down soon. for now, enjoy this crumb!! i love you all, let me know what you think!! if you haven't read the series yet, pls read that before this if u want to!! this wasn't beta'd so i apologize for any grammar issues or typos rip

⇢ SERIES MASTERLIST

The sequence of events that landed you in this situation; having a teary, heaving breakdown in front of your bathroom mirror, was absolutely ridiculous, to say the least.

“I’m gonna kill someone,” you squeak, breathless from the endless stream of sneezes ripping through you. The glow of the alarm clock on your nightstand reads 1 a.m. as you reach for a tissue. Violently blowing your nose does little to ease its congestion. With a shaky sigh, you crumple the sodden napkin and toss it into the bin beside your bed; overthrown by contents alike. The wet ball hits the paper mountain before rolling onto your pretty pink area rug.

You shiver, how fucking disgusting. 

A stressful week of labs and quizzes has tanked your immune system, making you susceptible to all the little germs and illnesses that strike when the brisk winter air transitions into the pollen-laced breeze of spring. The antibiotics you were prescribed did little to help your runny nose and sore throat. Pausing the anime playing on your phone, you open your messages. 

dumbo love you, get some rest please xx

So much for getting rest. You weren’t expecting a text back. Jungkook had offered to spend the night, but you encouraged him to go. It was his last semester after all. Still, you were pouty and needy, wanting nothing more than to snuggle into his arms and let the swirls of his delicate fingers on your back lull you to sleep. Instead, here you were, confined to your bed, watching Naruto solo as Jungkook, Tae, and Mina lived it up; taking shots until they were belligerent. 

A distinguishable knock rattles the door before you can press play again.

“What are you doing here?” 

Jungkook stands in your doorway, oversized black tee hanging over his equally oversized green cargo pants. His cute little mullet falls in sweaty loops around his face. “Still feelin’ like shit?” He coos, cringing at your disheveled appearance and the croak in your voice. Ignoring your question, he holds up the various items in his big hands. “I picked up a few things; cough drops—not the cherry kind ‘cause those are fucking nasty,” you laugh at the side note, “—extra spicy ramen and hot sauce to clear out your sinuses.”

Your peer at the array of remedies with wide eyes. Their ability to cure your flu symptoms is questionable. You don’t even have a way of boiling water to make said ramen in your cramped dorm, but the sentiment has your chest swelling with something other than a violent cough for the first time in days. Abruptly, you pull him into a tight embrace. 

“Ah, I see,” he laughs, wrapping an arm around the small of your back and walking you back into the room, kicking the door closed behind him. “My Bambi missed me.”

“I did,” you nuzzle into him further, “but you shouldn’t be here… you should be having fun with your friends.”

“Nah, fuck ‘em,” he retorts playfully, putting the quote-unquote medicine down and then plopping onto the bed, taking you with him. “Besides, what kind of shit boyfriend ditches their sick girlfriend to go to a party anyways?”

“The kind that should be enjoying his last semester,” you frown. 

“I am, though. I enjoy spending time with you more than anything else.”

As he lays under you, black tresses splayed against your white comforter like a misshapen halo, you feel so incredibly lucky. Gently, you run your fingers through his choppy bangs, pushing them out of his doe eyes. “Have you been drinking?” 

“Not really, just a couple shots of Fireball and a few beers.” That much alcohol would have knocked you on your lightweight ass, but after years of beer pong and keg stands, Jungkook’s tolerance was damn near Kage level. It took a lot more than that to get him drunk. “I kinda…” he averts your gaze, something he does when he’s sad or guilty. “I felt really bad so I left.”

“Jungkook, I told you it was okay.”

“I know,” he nods, sliding a warm palm under your shirt, rubbing his thumb against your skin in soothing lines. “But I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” Using your fingertip, you brush an eyelash off the apple of his cheek. “Thank you… for coming back for me.”

“Of course, Bambi.” He leans up and presses a deep kiss to your dehydrated lips.

“Kook, stop,” you mumble, craning your neck back. “You’re gonna get sick.”

“I don’t care.”

It doesn’t take much convincing. If Jungkook doesn’t care, why should you? 

What follows is a battle of warm tongues and the needy clash of his bunny teeth against yours. Tender touches coax your Sailor Moon pajama set to the floor with the promise of Jungkook’s delicious love. Before you know it, you’re sinking down onto his hard length, fingers digging into his shoulders as he slouches against your headboard.

“Take it all,” he whispers, jaw slacking as he tilts his head down, getting a clear view of your wet cunt swallowing the remaining few inches. A slick film coats the two fingers he used to hold himself up for you as your lip pillow around the base. “Yeah, just like that.” His face contorts in pleasure, overcome by your warm, slippery walls after a week of illness-induced celibacy. “Feels good, huh baby? Tell me how good my dick makes you feel.”

He wants praise and dirty talk, but the tickle in your nose makes you pause, bracing yourself as a slew of sneezes pours out of you. Eight sneezes to be exact. Jungkook’s high-pitched cackle is drowned out by a shriek as you cup your hand over your leaking nostrils. “EW!”

“Shut up, it’s fine!” He grabs a tissue from the nearly empty box. “Lemme see,” he mumbles, pulling your hand down and wiping it clean, then doing the same to your face afterward and tossing the kleenex in your glittery pink trash bin. 

“I’m sorry,” you peep, completely mortified.

“Don’t worry.” The crooked bunny grin eases your nerves. “That was fire, actually. You clenched around me so tight.”

You squint at him and then bury your head into the crook of his neck. You make love to each other; slow and gentle. At one point, Jungkook locks his tattooed fingers in between yours, pecking your bare shoulder as lazy drags of your hips bring you both to writhing climaxes. And he looks so beautiful when he climaxes, gnawing at his lip piercing, skin dewy from sweat and the moonlight shining through the blinds. 

At that moment, you felt nothing but love and pure ecstasy. 

Isn’t it funny how pleasures of the past can create complete devastation in the present?

Clutching the edge of the porcelain sink, you stare down at the pink box of pregnancy tests. There’s tear stains on your cheeks. A pain in your lungs from all the sobbing. You wish Jungkook had been a shit boyfriend that night. You’d give anything to take it all back. 

Like a sixth sense, there’s a distinguishable knock at the door. 

“Hey, I-” he stops short, brows furrowing as his dark pupils scan your face. “Have you been crying?”

“What do you think?” You shouldn’t snap at him, but the waves of anxiety washing over you make you highly sensitive. Truthfully, you weren’t going to tell Jungkook any of this. His showing up had put an awful wrench in your plans. Well, unless the test came back positive. Then, you’d be forced to tell him. You clamp your hand over your mouth, the thought making you sick to your stomach. 

“__, take a deep breath. Sit down.” You do and he follows suit. “What's going on?”  

“I-” you gulp, swallowing back a whine, struggling to form a coherent sentence. There’s no escape, you have to confess. “I think I might be pregnant.”

There’s an eerie silence once the words hit the air, lingering over you both like a dark, dreary cloud. It takes Jungkook a moment to internalize the weight of the situation, but you can tell when the thunder strikes. The pink tinge in his cheeks fades to a stark, sickly white as he inhales shakily. “Fuck-” Leaning his elbows against his knees, he digs the heels of his palms into his eyes, shielding them. “I thought you were on the pill.” 

“I am, but I was taking antibiotics last week and I read that they can make birth control less effective- and I’ve been having symptoms lately.” It all comes out in a jumbled mess like word vomit. He doesn’t respond. He doesn’t move. And it scares you. “Are you mad at me?”

“No.” Despite his posture, his tone is still and calm. “I just… don’t know what to say. It’s a lot to take in.”

“I’m sorry,” you whisper as the floodgates finally burst. You were still in the swell of your STEM program. Jungkook is just about to graduate with a Bachelor’s in photography. Both of your lives would come to a screeching halt if the worst were true. You weren’t ready for a baby, not in the slightest. “I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, hey, don’t-.” Finally, Jungkook sits up, wrapping a strong arm around your shoulder and pulling you into his side. The other arm repeats as he rests his chin on top of your head, rocking your shaking frame back and forth for comfort. “Don’t apologize, don’t cry. Why don’t you take a test before we start freaking the fuck out?”

You suppose he’s right. 

The walk to the bathroom is a blur. Suddenly, you’re on the toilet with that evil stick in hand. Jungkook is sitting on the floor with his eyes closed, knees bent and head leaned back against the wood of the cabinet. Normally, you’re extremely pee-shy. It literally will not come out. Under these circumstances, you can’t bring yourself to care. 

“You pee so softly,” Jungkook says through an airy laugh. “I pee really hard- and fast. Like-” he makes a little whooshing noise with his mouth, “like a hose.” 

“Baby, please,” you huff, setting the test aside and pulling your sweats up. You know he’s trying to ease your nerves, but this is one situation where his lighthearted jokes and comments ceased to make you smile. “This is serious.”

“Trust me, I know.” Spreading his legs, he pats the carpet between them. “C’mere.” As soon as you hit the ground he’s embracing you, trailing kisses all over your exposed skin. “What now?”

“Now,” you sigh, setting a timer on your phone for three minutes, “we wait.”

“You know… it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if it’s positive.”

“It would be absolutely awful, Jungkook.” It’s a sweet sentiment but you know he’s lying, right through his bunny teeth. Late-night conversations in bed about the future ring in your head. ‘Honestly, I don’t think I want kids,’ Jungkook had hummed in the middle of My Neighbor Totoro, ‘ever.’ Generally, you felt the same way, but the memory is terrifying in this context; sitting on the bathroom floor with him, waiting for an answer that could contradict all of your plans and possibly crumble the entire foundation of your relationship.

“Who am I kidding?” He chuckles humorlessly. “You’re right, it would be fucking awful.”

Nervously, you toy with the silver rings on his inked fingers. “What if it’s positive, Jungkook?”

“Let’s just wait until we get the results.”

“But what if it’s positive?” You twist in his arms, showing him your glassy eyes and deep frown. Showing him that his answer, regardless of what the test says, was very important to you. 

He blinks at you, lips opening and then closing promptly as he mulls over his words. “If it is… then we’ll take care of it.”

There’s a dual meaning to the sentiment that makes you chew on your bottom lip, eyes flickering up to the white ceiling to stop yourself from crying. Take care of it as in going through with it? Or take care of it as in… the other option? Honestly, the latter would be your first choice, and you’re sure it’s his as well. But for whatever reason, the fact that he assumed it makes your heart ache. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means whatever you want it to mean.” Gently, he smooths a hand over your trembling thighs before they frantically search for yours. “Just… whatever you want to do… whatever you want, I’ll support it… I’m here.”

A breath you hadn’t realized you were holding in releases in relief. You feel stupid for even questioning him. After all these months of unconditional love, you should know better. Bringing your locked hands up, you kiss his fingertips. The smile it brings out of him is just as soft as your touch. “I love you so much.”

“I love y-.”

He’s cut off by the blaring ring of your timer.

“Please, can you look?” You mumble, shaking your head and covering your eyes. “I can’t do it.”

You feel his torso twist against your back as he reaches for the test on your countertop. The time between him grabbing it and the dreaded answer feels like an eternity.

“Negative.” 

“Thank fuck!” You groan, doing a complete 180 and wrapping your arms around his neck in celebration. You haven’t felt this type of excitement since you were a child, waking up on Christmas morning and seeing colorful presents under the tree.

“What made you think you were pregnant in the first place?”

You hesitate to respond. In retrospect, it’s not as valid of a reason as you originally thought. “I’ve been feeling sick in the morning.”

Pulling back, Jungkook deadpans you. “Bambi, no shit. You’ve been sick all week.”

“I know but,” you pout, twirling a ringlet at the nape of his neck, “google said I could be pregnant…”

“You’re so fucking lucky you’re cute,” he laughs, holding you flush to him and nipping your cheek playfully. “You’ve got to be the most dramatic person I’ve ever met in my life.” You know he’s joking, but the comment makes your expression drop a bit. “But that’s part of the reason I love you so much. I’m never bored with you.”

Once again, you truly don’t know how you got so lucky. 

“Alright,” he huffs, using all of his strength to haul you up into the air and walk you back to your bedroom. Instinctually and habitually, you wrap your legs around his cinched waist. “We finished Avatar last time, so what’re we watching tonight?”

You click your tongue in contemplation. “Naruto.”

“Naruto? Bambi, isn’t Naruto like- a billion episodes long?”

When he tosses you down onto the mattress, you pout and bat your long lashes at him, pulling out all the provenly successful manipulation tactics. “Please?”

“Fine,” he grumbles, plopping down beside you. “But don’t be mad if I knock out.”

And like clockwork, Jungkook dozes off in the middle of the second episode, but that’s okay, because despite how horrible the pregnancy scare was, it truly solidified Jungkook’s presence in your life. You have all the time in the world to watch hours and hours of subpar filler episodes, and you’ll do it happily as long as you’re with him.

© chryblossomjjk 2023 [do not copy, translate or repost]

[javierpena-inatacvest]

Chapter 6: Dinosaurs, Dates and Diners, Oh My!

Summary: After a long last week, Javi takes you out to celebrate the end of the school year. Even when things don't go according to his plans, you're convinced you've never been on a better date.

Warnings: SMUT (18+), unprotected P in V sex (wrap it up, y'all), phone sex, oral (f receiving), vaginal fingering, creampie, masturbation (m and f), mentions of panic/anxiety, mentions of food/eating, subpar Spanish (my 4 years of high school Spanish don't take up a lot of space in my brain, I apologize) Javi being our consent king, Javi caring so much about you it physically hurts me

Word Count: 14.1K (I didn't realize how long this was until I finished)

A/N: YOU GUYS. When I started doing this, I just wanted to write for fun and posted thinking that no one would read this, let alone be invested in it 🥺 Y'all are so sweet, thank you so much!! This was another fun chapter to write, I'm thinking I have some good ideas about what these two are up to next!!

Series Masterlist Next Chapter Previous Chapter

Javier Peña had always been a light sleeper. Even as a kid, he would wake up to the sound of a stray footstep wandering through his home, or the wind rustling the tree outside his bedroom window. Once he got to Colombia, it was like he never slept at all. Since coming home, his dreams were plagued with the violent images of his past, causing him to thrash and toss in his sleep, waking up sweaty and breathless. But last night, he slept next to you. Your warmth and presence draped over him provided a sense of comfort he hadn’t felt in years. For the first time he could remember since coming back, Javi actually slept. When he woke up Monday morning to the sound of his alarm, he so desperately wished to have rolled over and found you, to wrap himself around you and ground himself. To smell the warm and fruity scent of your hair, to kiss your soft skin, to take in every detail about how your body seemed to impossibly take up every corner of the bed, despite your small stature. This morning, Javi had to settle for the emptiness of his childhood bedroom, begrudgingly preparing himself for the very long 4 days ahead of him until he could see you again. 

He got out of bed, following his usual routine of brushing his teeth, shaving and showering, the emptiness of his bathroom making him wish you were there to serenade him with your cute sing-alongs as you both got ready. 

After he was dressed, he headed out into the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee and sit on the back porch, overlooking their acres of farmland and the impending sunrise. During Javi’s time away, Chucho had hired help at the ranch, now relieving Javi of having to get up at some God awful hour to feed animals or move cows from one pasture to another. Even in his older age, it didn’t stop his father from getting up every morning at 4:25 AM to make sure things stayed running smoothly on the ranch. Normally, he and his father’s morning schedules didn’t overlap, sometimes getting the occasional good morning in passing as they headed to their prospective jobs. This morning, Javi had to check his watch to make sure he wasn’t late for work, realizing his Dad had finished his morning chores almost a half hour early. He must have seen that Javi’s car finally made its way back to the driveway when he got up. Javi knew his dad would confront him about the weekend at some point, he just didn’t think it was going to be at 6:27 this morning. 

Chucho walked up the steps of the back porch, sitting down next to Javi on the top step. “Morning, Pops.” Javi took a sip of his coffee. 

“Glad to see you made it back. I was getting close to sending a search party out for you, Hijo.” He chuckled, seeing that Javi’s face was already starting to get red. “Seems like it must have been a good weekend then, huh?” 

“Yeah, it was uh, it was a really good weekend.” 

“Good. I’m glad, son. The way I watched you smile on Saturday… it’s been a long time since I’ve seen you like that.” 

“Yeah. She makes me really happy, Pop.” He reached down for another sip of his coffee, Chucho keeping quiet, in hopes to get more out of him. “I uh, I asked her to be my girlfriend. I know it seems really fast but… I don’t know, Dad. There’s something about her. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way about anyone before.” 

Chucho placed his hand on Javi’s shoulder. “Sometimes Mijo, you just know.” Javi shifted his gaze from his reflection in his coffee mug to the soft smile of his father. In that moment, it was like a weight had been lifted off of Javi’s shoulders. He couldn’t quite describe what it was. Was it the fact that he could tell how happy his dad was for him? That he had found someone who liked him for who he was? That it wasn’t too late to prove he deserved the life he wanted before he left for Colombia all those years ago? 

“Thanks, Pops. She’s special.” 

“I can tell she is, Javier. I’d love to meet her sometime.” 

“She already told me she wants to come and meet the animals. Tried to buy a bag of carrots when we went grocery shopping so she could make sure the horses liked her.” They both laughed to themselves. 

“That was how I got su mamá to come to the ranch for the first time. She told me I was fine, but los animales were the only reason she really wanted to come over. It all seemed to work out okay.” Chucho patted Javier on the shoulder, before grunting as he stood up. “You going to see her again soon?” 

“Thursday. Taking her out to celebrate her last day of school.” 

Chucho smilied. “Ah, yes. No me hables hasta los niños estan libres. (Don't talk to me until the children are free). I’m happy for you, Javier. All me and your mamá ever wanted for you was that.” 

Chucho huffed as he took a step on to the deck and walked his way into the house. Javi smiled to himself, repeating his fathers words in his head. 

Sometimes, you just know. 

You knew Monday was going to suck. It was inevitable. It had been so long since you had slept in the same bed with someone, after just one night of being with Javi, you found yourself tossing and turning, craving his body in your bed. To top off your not so great night’s sleep, you realized you had forgotten to set your alarm, made no food for your lunch, and hadn’t set your coffee to brew for when you woke up. Scrambling, you started a pot and threw whatever lunch-like items you could find into your lunch box, hoping that maybe you would have the appetite for one of them later. Not having enough time to shower, you threw your hair up in a bun, found a dress (since it was easier than having to pick out a top and bottoms), grabbed your things and raced down to your car. Thankfully, there wasn’t too much you had to prep when you got in- there wasn’t planned since it was the last week of school. But, you did have to have your room packed for summer cleaning before Thursday. You were planning on doing the majority of it on Thursday afternoon since the kids had a half day in the morning, but knowing you had plans with a very handsome someone later on that night, you were trying to get as much done as possible. 

Just as you assumed, your room was in absolute chaos as your students entered, like they could feel it in their bones that summer was almost here. You couldn’t have been more thankful to have music and gym this morning, sending the kids on their way shortly after they arrived, leaving you alone again with the sweet sound of silence in your room. Well, at least for a few minutes. 

Knock, knock, knock 

You had closed your door on purpose, hoping it would give the hint that you didn’t want people to come talk to you during your planning time, but the door meant absolutely nothing to the 3 ladies peeking in through your window, frantically ushering you to come open it for them. You should have known it was going to happen. 

“Hola, mijaaaaaaa.” Estelle greeting you with a smirking smile. The other two ladies snickered behind her. 

“Hi, you guys.” You responded as they made yourself at home at the large table you had at the front of your room. 

“Sooooo, how was the rest of your weekend?” Linda asked, raising her eyebrows at you. 

“It was good.” You responded, at least trying to make them work a little harder before you shared your news with them. 

“Cut to the chase, Mija. What happened with you and Javier?! We are dying to know. I tried to call, but Chucho is too good of a man to gossip with us, so we have been left high and dry since Saturday night.” Of course Maria would have no problem not beating around the bush to get the answers they needed. 

“We spent the rest of the weekend hanging out together. He offered to run errands with me on Sunday and we watched a movie before he left to go home last night. We had a really good time.” 

“How good of a time? There’s a very large gap between you leaving on Saturday and going shopping on Sunday.” Maria was invested in you two like a weeknight telenovela. The other two ladies shot her glaring looks, knowing she was the only one bold enough to ask the question. 

“Maria! Considering we’re inside an elementary school right now, I’m keeping it PG. We had a lot of fun, that’s all I will say.” 

“Fine, fine, fine.” 

You paused for a moment, blushing before dropping the next bit of information. “He um, he asked me to be his girlfriend too.” 

You blushed as the women shrieked in delight at the news. “No puedo creerlo!” (I can’t believe it) Estelle screeched. “Digame (tell me), how did it happen?” 

You knew they were about to have a field day with your answer. “Well, um, it actually kind of happened because of Lorriane.” 

Their faces went stone cold. They began whispering to each other in frantic Spanish. 

“Esa mujer está un punta loco…” (That woman is a crazy bitch…)

“Yo se, Maria, dèjala hablar!” (I know Maria, let the girl talk!) 

“Quiero saber qué pasó, shhh!” (I want to know what happened, shhh!) 

“Well, um, we were out shopping for a birthday present for my niece. Her and her family ended up being in front of us in line when we went to check out and she realized Javi was behind her. She asked who I was and before I could answer for myself, he introduced me as his girlfriend. She’s um… something.” 

The women paused before saying anything else. 

“Javi told me about what happened with them, don’t worry.” 

“If she said anything to you, mija, don’t let it bother you. That woman is ruthless.” 

“I know, I kinda picked that up after talking to her.” You grimaced your face. “But I guess I owe her a thank you because it really speeded up the whole him asking me out thing!” The ladies smiled again, recognizing your genuine happiness when talking about Javi. 

“We are so happy for you, mija. Really, you both deserve each other.” Linda chimed in. 

“So, are you going to see him again soon?” Estelle asked, prodding for more information. 

“Not until Thursday. He’s taking me out to celebrate the last day of school, we’re going to dinner and a movie.” 

The ladies swooned. “So sweet mjia. He’s already doing more for you than mí marido (husband) has ever done for me on the last day of school. He just looks at me and tells me he’s glad I’m not grumpy anymore.” 

“Yeah, it was really sweet of him. I’m really excited for it.” 

“Congrats, sweetheart. We really are so happy for you.” 

“Don’t think you’re escaping until August to give us an update. We know Chucho, his papá, will keep us up to speed.” Maria winked as the ladies started to get up out of their seats. “Well now that we know you have a busy day coming up, we’ll let you get back to packing.”

The ladies were almost out the door when Maria popped her head back in. “You tell Javi I’ll make good on my promise to him. He breaks your heart, I will run him over with his father’s tractor.” You snorted, picturing the tiny woman rage driving a heavy piece of machinery.  

“I wouldn’t put it past you Maria.” 

She smiled as she closed the door behind her. You stared around the contents of your room before picking up another box. You better pick up your packing speed. 

You practically collapsed as you opened the door to your apartment. Today had been a LONG day. You left for work at 7:00 AM, and were now finally returning home to your apartment at 7:50 PM. Whoever decided to cram every single end of the year activity into the last week of school needed to be seriously evaluated. Yesterday was the annual teachers vs. 5th graders kickball game as a way to celebrate before they were off to middle school, and tonight was the school music concert. The thought of having to go to the Alma Pierce Carnival tomorrow made you want to cry in exhaustion. Only two more days until Thursday. 

You disregarded your usual routine of neatly putting all of your things in their rightful home before doing anything else, opting to drop everything by the door in a pile and crawl your way to take a shower. Stripping your clothes and throwing them in the hamper, you turned on the shower and cranked up the heat. Waiting for the water to warm, you looked at Javi’s toothbrush, still sitting next to yours in the cup on your sink. Now finally having a second for your brain to turn off of school mode, the sight of Javi’s toothbrush flooded you with three different feelings all at once. 

You missed him like crazy 

You couldn’t wait to see what he had planned for Thursday 

You were hornier than a middle school boy on the brink of puberty 

After going so long without sex (at most, it had been 5 times in the past 2 plus years), you had almost written it off as an afterthought. That was until Saturday, when Javier Peña causally decided to blow your mind with the best sex of your entire life, on repeat. As you stepped into the shower, you pictured where Javi stood only a few days ago, his tanned, muscular, very naked body soaping you up in your favorite body wash. You spent the rest of your shower wishing he was the one scrubbing the shampoo and conditioner into your hair, imagining his hands would eventually travel out of your hair to somewhere else. 

You wrapped yourself up in your towel after emerging out of the shower, the sight of his toothbrush once again only making the ache between your legs more and more present. God, how bad did you have it that even his freakin’ toothbrush was making you horny?! Stupid magic hands and magic dick. 

As you went into your bedroom, you shuffled through the very back of your nightstand. Patting your hand around the back right corner you found what you were looking for.  Please let this thing be charged, it hasn’t even been used in god knows how long, you hoped, pulling the small bullet vibrator out of your drawer. Holding down the power button, you were relieved to hear the low hum vibrating in your hand. You laid down on your bed, head propped up on the pillows as you brought the vibrator between your legs. Running it up and down your clit, you could feel how wet you already were, wishing Javi was the one rubbing his thumb against your sensitive nerves, his thick fingers pressing inside you as- 

Ringggggg, ringggggg, ringggggg 

The phone ringing startled you so badly, you practically flung your vibrator across the room. Breathing heavily, you wrapped yourself back up in your towel and ran to the phone. Considering you and your mom always talked on Wednesdays and your brothers didn’t call unless you called them, it left one probable answer of who it could be. You tried to compose yourself as the phone rang a few more times, beet red and sweating from embarrassment that the person probably calling you was the one you were just thinking about with a vibrator between your legs. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, Osita.” The low, sweet voice made your heart sing. 

“It’s good to hear your voice again. I missed you.” 

“Missed yours too. Sorry you didn’t call yesterday, Pops needed extra help after I got home from work yesterday. Are- are you okay?” 

“Me? Yeah, why?” You obviously weren’t doing a very good job of hiding how flustered you were. 

“You just… you sound like you’re out of breath?” 

“Oh, yeah, I um, I just got out of the shower.” It wasn’t a lie.

“You’re out of breath from getting out of the shower?” The thought of you wet and naked made Javi’s cock twitch. 

“No, well, um, not exactly.” You were glad Javi couldn’t see you from the other end of the phone as you facepalmed yourself, jumbling over your words. 

“What’s goin’ on Osita?” Javi spoke with a sneaking suspicion. He didn’t want to assume what he was thinking, but given what he had done to relieve himself in his shower earlier this morning, he couldn’t help but hope you had been just as riled up as he was. 

You let out an audible sigh. Before you could try and come up with an answer, Javi spoke again. 

“Osita, it’s okay. You can tell me.” You couldn’t even see him, but even picturing his sweet, brown, puppy dog eyes was enough to make you spill your secrets in an instant. God, could this man read your mind?! 

“Well, I don’t know, it’s dumb. I- I was in the shower and I was thinking about Sunday morning.” 

“And?” You could practically hear his smirk through the phone. 

“And I was thinking about you, in there, with me. How much I wished you were there” 

Javi had to bite down on his lip from letting out an audible groan. “I wish I was there too, baby. What else were you thinking about?” 

“How much I missed your hands. How much I wished they were touching me.” 

Bingo. There it was.

Javi dipped another toe into the water, getting the green light on his suspicions. “Yeah? Wished I was touching you? Were you touching yourself, baby? Thinking about me?” 

Your face was so flushed. You were already mentally making space on your gravestone for “Magic, sexy words” under dick and hands. “Yeah, I was.” You paused for a moment, feeling completely un-confident in yourself. “Sorry, this is so embarrassing, I don’t know why I’m telling you this.” 

“Baby, it’s not embarrassing, I promise. It’s fucking sexy, is what it is. I can’t stop thinking about this weekend either, Osita. Came so hard this morning thinking about you sucking my dick in the shower. Fuck, I wish it would have been you instead of my fuckin’ hand.” 

Oh shit. Were you about to do this?  

“Javi, I- fuck, I’ve never done this before, like, had phone sex.” The innocence in your voice had him hard as a rock. He knew for a fact after this weekend, you were not shy about sex. Fuck, you were the one that came on to him first. But the thought of you sitting in your bed, hand between your legs picturing him? That pushed him over the edge. 

“It’s okay, baby, we don’t have to if you-“ 

“No, I do. Fuck, I’m so horny for you.” 

“ Dirty fuckin’ girl. Take off your clothes, baby.” 

“Lucky for you, I’m fresh out the shower and already not wearing any.” Your little giggle on the other end had him palming at his jeans. He quickly got up to double check his door was locked, thanking whatever higher power was up there that his dad was still out working. 

“Go lie down on your bed for me.” Grabbing your phone, you brought it to your room, and sat propped up against your pillows. 

“O-Okay, now what?” He could tell you were still nervous, a stark contrast from the confident and bold woman he usually saw.

“Relax, baby. It’s okay. I’ll take care of you. You trust me?” 

“Yeah. I do.” He knew you meant it. 

“Okay, hermosa. Tell me how you’d want me baby. Tell me what you’d want me to do to you if I was there.” The low rasp of his voice through the phone had you shuttering. 

“Fuck. I’d want you to kiss down my neck. Kiss every fucking inch of me.” The words began to spill out of you. “I’d want you to touch me. Put your fingers in me. Your hands are so big, they feel so good.” 

“Touch yourself, Osita. Feel how fucking wet you are for me.” You set the phone next to you, pressing the speaker button, freeing both your hands. Slowly, you dipped a finger inside you, diving in and out of your entrance, the other hand slowly rubbing over your clit. It felt like nothing compared to Javi’s hands, slowly adding a second finger inside you to imitate the pleasure he had given you this weekend. He could hear your soft moans through the other end of the phone, causing him to undo his belt, and slide his pants down far enough he could free his aching cock, already hard from your sounds alone. 

“It feels so good, Javi. Fuck I wish it was you inside me.” 

He spit on his hand as he began stroking himself, nestling his phone between his chin and his shoulder. His breathy groans traveled through the phone. 

“You touching yourself too?” 

“Fuck, hermosa. The thought of you touching yourself has me so fucking hard. Yeah, baby, I am.” 

“I wish I could suck your dick like I did on Sunday. You tasted so good, loved feeling you down my throat.” 

“Wish I could taste you too. Pussy tastes so fucking sweet. Fuck, I’d spend hours in between your legs making you scream my name as many times as I could.” 

That was an offer you would definitely take him up on. 

The pace of both your hands became more rapid, both of you so worked up from your conversation. 

“Fuck. Javi, I want you to fuck me so bad. Your dick feels so good.” 

“Want me to fuck you, hermosa? Want me to bend you over, fuck you over your dresser so you can watch in your mirror how fuckin’ gorgeous you are when I make you come? Watch your pretty face when I fuck you full of me?” 

Yes please. 

Javi’s words had you losing your mind, the rubbing of your clit getting faster and faster, the wet  sounds of your fingers in and out of your pussy filling the room. If you weren’t close before, the image that Javi had just planted in your head had you right on the edge.

“Javi- holy shit, fuck fuck, baby, I’m gonna-” the whimpers of your orgasm had Javi groaning, his hand wrapping tighter around his cock, imagining it was your cunt clenching down on him as you came. 

“Such a good fucking girl, Osita. Fuck baby, I’m gonna come too.” Over your panting, you heard Javi muttering your name as he climaxed, the both of you breathing heavily. 

There was silence for a few moments before you spoke. 

“Javi, holy shit.” You laughed, shocked and thrilled by what you two had just done. 

“Jesus Christ, Osita, I was just trying to call and ask about Thursday but this was a lot fucking better.” His voice still breathy, coming down from his high. 

“Well I still wanna talk about Thursday, it’s the only thing getting me through this week, although this was helpful, to say the least.” 

“Believe me, me too. Lemme just clean myself up really quick. Be right back.” 

There was a grin across your face so wide, it hurt your cheeks. You waited patiently on the other end, Javi quickly coming back. 

“You still there, Osita?”  

“Yes sir.” You replied in an obnoxious voice. 

“Weirdo.” 

“Oh shhh, you love it.” 

Fuck. There it was again. That stupid word. He knew you didn’t mean anything by it right? Did you mean anything by it? Even if you did, there’s no way in hell you’d admit that to yourself so soon. Right? You frantically responded before he could say anything. 

“Anyways, sorry for my incredibly horny tangent, what are you thinking for Thursday?” 

“All good, hermosa, well worth it. What time are you done with work on Thursday?” 

“I’ll probably be home at 4:15? The kids are only there in the morning so I just have to finish packing up my room and then I can go!” 

“Can I pick you up around 5:30? I was gonna make dinner reservations at 6:00.” 

“Do I get to ask what dinner is?” 

“You don’t do well with surprises, do you?” He chuckled. 

“How’d you guess?” 

“Just had a feeling. If you really want to know, I’ll tell you.” 

“No, I won’t ruin the surprise, that’s no fun. I was gonna let you have full reign on the movie we go see. You made a fantastic pick on Sunday, figured it would be fun for you to pick again.” 

“Do you want that to be a surprise too?” 

“Absolutely. I trust you.” He smiled, the phrase you had already used twice making his heart skip a beat. There was a brief pause before he spoke again, his voice a little more nervous than before. 

“Is it uh, okay if I bring stuff to spend the night? That way I can just go in to work from your place?” 

You bit down on your lip to try and contain your excitement. “I would be disappointed if you didn’t.” 

“Me too.” In the background of Javi’s phone, you could hear a faint voice in the distance yelling out to him. Holding his hand over the receiver, you heard him faintly yell “What, Pops? I’m on the phone.” Followed by a muffled, “stupid fucking horse…” 

“Hey Osita?” His voice once again full volume, trying to restrain his annoyance. “I’m really sorry, I have to go. My dad just came in and told me one of the horses got out again and it's a two man job to wrangle him back in.” 

“It’s okay, have fun horse wrangling, I hope he isn’t too much of a pain in the butt.” You giggled, imagining how grumpy Javi would look trying to fight with this horse. 

“Símon is the biggest pain in the ass I’ve ever met.” 

“Glad someone else gets to take the title besides me. I’ll make sure to give him extra carrots when I meet him.” 

“Won’t do you any good, bastard hates everyone. I’ll see you on Thursday, Osita.” 

“Bye Javi, see you on Thursday.” 

“Bye.” 

The line on the other end clicked, leaving you laying on your bed and smiling at your ceiling. You rolled over, now facing the dresser and mirror on the other side of your room, the image of Javi’s filthy words from earlier seeping into your brain. You would never look at your dresser the same. Thursday couldn’t come fast enough. 

Javi had never really been nervous when it came to women. Even from a young age, he was confident in himself and his abilities to flirt, pick up girls, and show them a good time. Hell, half his reputation from his time in the DEA was trying to put the moves on any halfway decent looking woman as a way to fight the tension and stress of his job. Javier Peña knew he had a way with women. What absolutely terrified him, was trying to date one. Regretfully, Javi didn’t have enough fingers or toes to count how many women he had slept with over the years. He could, however, count how many women he had dated on one hand, and only needed 2 fingers. Lorraine Doogan, and you. He’d taken women on dates- the occasional movie, dinner, drinks at the bar, but the idea of dating someone with the hope to keep them around for as long as he could? That scared the shit out of him. 

Javi had been a nervous mess all of Thursday. He called to double check your reservation time at dinner, made sure he had an outfit to change into in his car, and spent way longer than usual getting ready this morning. The thing was, Javi knew you liked him. Fuck, you were his girlfriend. But this wasn’t hanging out at your apartment like you had done this weekend, he wanted to do something special for you to show how much he really cared.

Around 12:30, he found his co-workers sitting around their desks chatting and eating lunch when Javi stopped by, taking a break from his morning of doing nothing, too distracted by tonight to focus. 

“Hey, just so you idiots know, I gotta head out early today. Carter, can you finish up that Guadalajara report and give it to Morris before you leave?” Javi came out of his office to see Agent Miller and Carter staring at him with confusion, their mouths still half full of food. Javi never once had left early in the time that he had worked there. If anything, he was there after everyone had left. Ever since last week, Carter and Miller had noticed that Javier had been in a surprisingly better mood than normal. They had seen him smile, not once but multiple times, and had even said good morning to both of them, several days in a row. 

“Uh, yeah, sure Peña. Where ya going? Gotta hot date?” Carter meant it as a joke, but Javi’s lack of witty response and embarrassment on his face left him with an open door to ask the question.

 “Holy shit, you gotta date don’t you?!” 

Javi didn’t say anything, just ran his hand over the bridge of his nose. 

“He’s gotta fuckin’ date tonight, Carter!” Miller responded, outstretching his hand to high-five Javi. “My man!” Javi glared at the hand held high towards him before Miller quickly got the hint to get it out of his face. 

Javi let out a deep breath. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to tell people about you. He really did. He was so happy you were his. He just knew that these two buffoons were about to give him ten pounds of shit when they found out you were the person he was going on a date with. “Yeah, I’m going on a fucking date, okay? Happy?” 

“Shit, no wonder you’ve been in such a good mood for the past week, Peña. Who is it? How’d you meet her?” Carter stretched back in his chair, completely invested in any information Javi was willing to share. More silence. Javi put his hands on his hips and let out another deep breath. Before he could get out any words, it was like the gears had been turning and a lightbulb had gone off in Miller’s brain, filling him with absolute glee. 

“Carter… you said Peña’s been in a good mood for what now, a week?” Miller smirked. 

“Yeah, why?” Clearly, he was not catching on. 

“How long ago did he go in to do the presentation at the elementary school?” Miller’s grin widening, hoping it wouldn’t take Carter too much longer for him to understand his question. 

“Fuck, I don’t know, like a week ago-” He paused before his face lit up, even giddier than Miller’s. “OH SHIT. IT’S THE HOT TEACHER ISN’T IT?! YOU LUCKY SON OF A BITCH.” Miller and Carter were now playfully swatting at each other in shock over the news. 

There was no point in trying to deny it. Javi figured he might as well bite the bullet on this one. 

“Yeah, it is. Again, she’s got a fuckin’ name okay?” 

“I can’t believe it. Damn, she must really like you, Peña. The other teachers practically chased us away when we went to try and talk to her.” While he hated the thought of his idiot co-workers harassing you week after week, it did fill him with a little pride knowing he was the only one you were ever interested in. 

“You dirty dog. This the first time you’re seeing her since then?” 

Javi met every question with more silence. He wasn’t sure why he felt the need to disclose any information to them, but their persistence in getting you to Alma Pierce last Wednesday was the reason you found yourself in this situation. 

“No way. You’ve already seen her already, haven’t you? And she still wants to see you again? Damn. Good for you, Peña.” 

“So what are you two doing for this date tonight? Besides hopefully getting laid?” Carter and Miller high-fived each other. 

Was that part of Javi’s plan tonight? Absolutely. He wanted to fuck you until you couldn’t walk, and once he was done, he wanted to do it again. But the jealous and possessive part of his brain lit up hearing other people talk about you in that way. 

“Don’t fucking talk about her like that or I will snap both your fucking necks, understood?” Javi’s voice was stern and commanding, making Carter and Miller rapidly nod their heads in unison, knowing that if Javi really wanted to, he would. 

“Understood man.” 

“Yeah, sorry.” 

The two men stared sheepishly at each other. Javi took another deep breath before composing himself and focusing his gaze back on Carter. 

“Guadalajara report on Morris’s desk by the time I get in tomorrow, got it?” 

“Will do, boss.” Carter barely made eye contact with him. Javi nodded before turning around, heading back into his office and closing the door. 

Peeking his head around the corner to make sure Javi’s door was all the way shut, Miller leaned back over to Carter for one last remark. 

“They’ve gotta be fucking already, right?” 

“Oh yeah. That’s the face of a man who’s happy and gettin’ laid.” 

“Lucky bastard.” 

“You can say that again.” 

You were shocked at how smoothly your Thursday was going. Your class had lots of fun at their class party, showering you with plenty of hugs and goodbyes on their last day. With your efficiency and determination to pack up your classroom, everything was labeled and put away by 2:45, leaving you with plenty of time to say goodbye to your co-workers before heading out early. 

Remembering Saturday’s disaster of trying to pick out an outfit, you had spent the whole week trying on potential choices to not leave yourself a frantic mess today. You had settled on a peach colored dress with small white flowers, having a feeling that Javi would like it just as much as the one you wore on Saturday. You had plenty of time to get ready, taking more time than usual to do your hair and makeup and try on your outfit one last time. By the time you were all ready to go, it still wasn’t even 5 yet, leaving you with enough time to do a brief clean (even though you had made your apartment spotless enough it would have passed a health inspection test) and turn on SportsCenter for a little as you anxiously awaited Javi’s arrival.  

At 5:25, you heard a knock at your door, practically sprinting up off the couch to greet him. As you opened your door, his tall, handsome frame filled the doorway. He was in a navy blue button down, its short sleeves fitting deliciously over his biceps, with a pair of tight, dark washed jeans. In his hands, he held a bouquet of sunflowers, but looked like he was practically about to drop them when he saw you answer the door. 

“Osita, you look… beautiful.” His jaw was already half slack as his eyes ran their way up and down your frame, taking in every detail about you. 

“Thanks, Javi. You don’t look half bad yourself. You blushed as you tried to contain your grin. 

“These are for you.” He outstretched his hand, passing the bright yellow flowers over to you. 

“Phew, thank god, I was worried that you just wanted to carry them around all night for fun. Thank you, Javi. They’re beautiful.” Carefully placing them on your entryway table. You stared up at Javi, his lip darting around his bottom lip, practically undressing you with his eyes. You grabbed him by his shirt collar, pulling him through the doorway, your mouths meeting in an electric kiss. He reached down to grab behind your head, pulling you closer into him his tongue danced along your open mouth. God, you had missed him. The scent of his cologne and minty breath overwhelmed your senses, as you leaned further into him, his other arm wrapping around your waist as he reluctantly pulled back from your kiss. 

“Wow. Definitely missed that.” You smiled up at him, your heart pounding as you caught your breath. 

“Fuck, me too. I missed you, Osita.” His sweet brown eyes stared down at you, a smile growing under his mustache. 

This man had been in your presence for less than a minute, and you could already feel an ache growing between your legs. His kiss had you begging for more. 

“What time is it? You said our reservation is at 6:00, right?” You asked, glancing down at Javi’s watch as you bit down on your lip and reached up to give him a kiss on his neck. It was clear to both of you why you had asked the question. You knew how riled up you both were given the phone call you had just 2 days before, and having gone 5 days without him, you were really holding it together to not jump all over him.  

“Hermosa… Fuck. I can’t believe I’m gonna say this.” He took a step back from you, causing you to cross your arms and raise an eyebrow. “Baby, if we don’t leave your apartment now, we’re not fucking leaving. I meant what I said on the phone. Osita, I’ve spent every goddamn day this week thinking about this, but I really want to take you out to celebrate, you deserve it.” 

It took every ounce of you not to protest. He looked so good that you would have fucked him right there on the floor next to your shoe rack. But he was right, he had worked so hard to plan whatever you two were doing tonight. He cared about you. He wanted to make sure you knew that you were worth celebrating. No one had ever cared about you this much. 

“You’re really sweet, Jav. Thank you. Although with how fucking hot you look and the fact that you pretty much eye fucked me from the moment you walked through the door, this is about to be a a battle of iron wills, and right now my will power is about the strength of a limp noodle.” You both laughed, trying to regain your composure. Smirking, you looked at him to give him a proposition. 

“I bet you 5 dollars.” 

“You bet me 5 dollars, that what, Osita?” He chuckled, shaking his head at you. 

“I bet you 5 dollars that you break before I do. I don’t think you can make it through the night. Not with the way your eyes are still trying to undress me.” 

“You sure? You were the one practically crawling all over me as soon as I walked through the door.” He crossed his arms to mirror yours, enjoying the prospect of your competition. 

“I may be stubborn, but I got all the patience in the world, Peña. And I don’t like to lose.” You shrugged and winked at him, giving a playful raise of your eyebrows. 

You drove him absolutely fucking crazy. 

Leaning down, he pulled you in to kiss you again, even more intense than the one you had just shared. Your tongues and teeth clashed, making you moan between your connected mouths, before suddenly pulling away and grabbing his keys, dangling them in your breathless face. 

He looked at you with a devilish grin. “You’re on baby. You ready to go?” 

“What?! That’s not fair, you can’t just kiss me like that and expect me to function normally!” 

“Never said it wasn’t part of the rules. Two can play at this game.” He leaned back down into your ear, his mustache tickling your neck as the low rasp of his voice serenaded you. “Besides, Osita, like you said, you have all the patience in the world, right?” 

“Javier I don’t know your middle name Peña, I swear to God, you really are trying to kill me.” You both laughed as you grabbed your purse and began to put on your shoes. 

“Jesús. Javier Jesús Peña. 

Something about him saying his name made you smile. Maybe it’s because his name was yours. “Cute. Good to know, in case of emergencies, such as times like these. Alright, I’m ready, and I’m making space in my wallet to be 5 dollars richer tonight.” 

As Javi opened his passenger side car door for you, you basked in the warm familiarity of sitting next to him while he drove. While his car was already neat, you could tell he must have gone through and cleaned in since Sunday. After he backed out of your apartment’s parking lot and you two headed on your way, his free hand almost immediately found its way to the skin of your thigh exposed under your dress, giving it a slight squeeze before tracing his fingers up and down your leg. 

“Music?” He looked at you, smiling, reminiscing on your last drives’ sing a long. 

“You don’t just want to listen to the Grease Soundtrack on repeat every time we drive?” You giggled as you reached into his glove box, shuffling back through the CD’s, noticing a new one that definitely wasn’t there this weekend. You quickly pulled it out, showing it to Javi. 

“This one wasn’t here on Sunday?” You looked surprised by the Queen’s Greatest Hits disc you now had in your hand. 

“Oh yeah, well you said they were your favorite band. I don’t know a ton of music by them, but figured you may want to listen to them if we’re driving.” He tried to play it off casually. You didn’t need to know that he drove to not one, but two stores after work this week to find that CD for you. 

“Wait did you- Did you get this just for me?” Your surprise was so genuine. Not only did he care enough to even remember your favorite band, he went out and got you a CD so you could listen to it in his car while you drove together? You couldn’t have been more thankful to have been stopped at a red light as you leaned over the center console, grabbing the side of his face to pull him in for a kiss. You only released him as you watch your peripheral vision turn from red to green. You both pulled back with smiles on your faces, Javi putting an even tighter grasp around your leg. 

“Play it. You’re in charge of music tonight, Osita.” 

“Figured you needed to let me be in charge of at least something, huh?” You rolled your eyes and snickered under your breath as you pushed the CD in and pressed play, the beat of Another One Bites the Dust thumping through the speakers 

“This song is dedicated to you after you lose our bet tonight.” 

“You weren’t kidding when you said you don’t like to lose, huh Osita? 

“I will admit being overly competitive is one of my biggest character flaws. Growing up with 3 older brothers who all played sports will do that to ya. I always wanted to play with them, and they wouldn’t let me play unless I proved I was good enough, so instead of crying about it, I just practiced to try and make myself better than them.” 

Javi couldn’t have been less surprised. Given your stubbornness, there were few things he’d put past you.

 “Did you play any sports as a kid?” You asked curiously. 

“I did swimming and some baseball. Always liked swimming more. Parents would call me el pez. (fish) They would always tell me that they’d have to drag me out of the water whenever we went to the pool or beach. Swam in college a little too, but was never super serious about it. What about you? I’m gonna assume yes.” 

“My brothers played everything, so yes, I’ve pretty much tried every sport under the sun at some point. Hockey was always my favorite though.” 

“I’m gonna be real honest with you, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a hockey game in my entire life.” 

“That’s criminal. Well considering you’re from southern Texas, it makes sense that a game involving ice isn’t very popular. Did you know Texas has an NHL team?” 

“Wait, actually?” 

“Yeah, actually. I don’t think anyone in Texas knows you do. The Dallas Stars. They were actually pretty good this year. Lost in the first round of the playoffs like the Blackhawks did, so now my only hope is that the Red Wings lose but it physically hurts me to say that I think they’re gonna win it all this year.” 

Javi nodded, trying his best to follow along even though he had absolutely no idea what you were talking about. Embarrassed with your rambling, you quickly retracted. “Sorry, I know you don’t really care about any of that.” 

“You care about it, which means I’ll try my best to learn, Ostia.” 

Your eyes shifted up from your lap where they had been staring to meet Javi’s gaze, soft and genuine. It shouldn’t have surprised you, but the feeling of knowing he actually cared never ceased to amaze you.

“Okay. All you need to know for the sake of this conversation is Blackhawks- good, Red Wings- bad.” 

“Easy enough. I can remember that.” He winked at you before reaching to grab your hand and lock it with his. 

You spent the last few minutes of your car ride in a comforting silence, Queen quietly playing in the background as you watched the sky slowly melt into a pink and orange sunset. 

As you pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant, you looked at the sign above the entrance reading “Andiamos on Main.” You’d never been here before, but you felt like the name sounded familiar from hearing your co-workers who had gone on anniversaries, birthday dinners or big events to celebrate. 

“Javi, this place is supposed to be really nice.” 

“I know.” 

“Like, people come here for birthdays and anniversaries and special things that only happen once a year.” 

“You only finish school once a year, too. You’re special to me, Osita. You deserve it.” 

“But I-"

“I’m not letting you argue with me on this one, baby. Please.” 

As much as you wanted to, how could you argue with his sweet face, staring at you with his pleading brown eyes? You would have been thankful for him to have gotten you sandwiches again, let alone take you somewhere nice and insist you deserve it. 

“Fine. Thank you, Javi. This is the nicest thing someone has done for me in a long time.” 

“You deserve it, Osita. I’ll keep saying it until you believe me.” 

He leaned over to give you a quick kiss before turning off the engine of the car and quickly unbuckling himself so he could walk around the car and open the passenger door for you. 

“Ready to eat?” 

“Javi, there will be very few times in life where that answer will be no.” 

When you walked into the restaurant, your suspicions were confirmed. This place was nice. The space was dimly lit with soft piano playing in the background, filled with other couples and large groups, all dressed nicely and casually chatting. You were surprised how busy the restaurant was as Javi took your hand to lead you through the small crowd in front of the hostess stand. 

“Hi, how can I help you two?” The woman at the front asked as you two approached her.

“Hi, I have a reservation at 6:00. Should be under Peña.” 

“Alright, let me just check real quick and then we’ll get you seated!” You watched as her fingers flicked through the notebook she had in front of her, a concerned look creeping up her face as she began to back track and flip through previous pages. 

“You said Peña at 6:00, tonight, correct?” 

“Mhhmm.” He nodded, also starting to look concerned by her confusion. 

“I’m very sorry, Mr. Peña, it looks like your reservation was for yesterday at 6:00 PM.” 

Javi may have looked worse than he did when you had run into Lorraine a few days ago. “Wait, I uh-, it should be for today. It’s for June 3rd? The 3rd at 6:00 PM?” 

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Peña. The 3rd was yesterday. Today is the 4th.” 

You could feel the panic shedding from his body. The hand that was holding yours now started to become sweaty. The look on Javi’s face was sheer terror. “No, today’s the 3rd? Today’s the 3rd, right?” He looked frantically back and forth between you and the hostess before she flipped her notebook around to face you both, accompanied by her digital watch. In scratch writing under June 3rd, sat “Peña, party of 2, 6:00 PM.” And on her watch read “Thursday, June 4th.” 

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me…”  he muttered himself underneath his breath, trying to keep his composure. “Are there any seats left? Anything at the bar, even?” Part of him already knew the answer, but was desperate to not give up yet. 

“Well, we have a corporate event tonight so it’s extra busy. Right now there’s at least a 2 hour wait, and that’s being generous, and no seating at the bar. Again, so sorry for the confusion.” 

He stood frozen in shock. He wanted to scream at himself. How could he have fucked this up? The guilt and panic flooded over him, leaving him speechless. He tried so hard to rebuttal- think of something, ANYTHING. Stuck in his chaotic train of thought, he felt your hand rub over his arm and heard your sweet voice. 

“That’s okay! Thank you for checking! Mistakes happen, not a big deal at all. Come on, Jav, let’s go!” This time, you were the one leading him back through the crowd, him, following you helplessly, trying to think of anything to say. As you finally exited through the doors, the golden sunset shining down into the parking lot, Javi grabbed down tightly on your hand, stopping in his tracks. 

“Fuck, Osita. Fuck, I’m so sorry, I can’t believe I fucked this up. I could have fucking swore today was the 3rd. I’m such a fucking idiot I-“ 

“Javi.” 

He stopped. He wasn’t sure what to expect. Were you mad? Angry? Going to agree with him and tell him that he was a fucking idiot? He wouldn’t have blamed you if you did. 

“Do you know how many times I took my class to gym on the wrong day when I first started at Alma Pierce?” 

He looked at you blankly. It was almost like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

“A lot. It took me a month and a half. I could have sworn they went to gym every Monday from 2:00-3:00, and at 1:55 every Monday, I would March them down to the gym for Mr. Luíz to tell me I had gym tomorrow from 2:00-3:00. It literally took me having to write it on my hand each Monday- don’t go to gym! For me to finally remember. It’s okay, Javi. I know you’re gonna beat yourself up about this. Please, please don’t. The fact that you even wanted to do something this nice for me is more than enough. I don’t care where we go, if I get to spend time with you, then I’m happy.”  

If I’m with you, then I’m happy. The words danced around his brain, trying to make sure he was comprehending what he had just heard. He had completely fucked up your plans and not only did you not care, you were happy? He was the reason you were happy? That was a sentence he was positive he had never heard before. 

You stepped into him, wrapping your arms around his waist as you gazed into his eyes, still pooling with panic. “I like you, Javi. I like you a lot. You could have taken me to go get hot dogs from the gas station and I would have been excited. Maybe not excited for what they would have done to me after I ate them, but if I got to do it with you, I wouldn’t have cared.” He let out a small huff under his breath, half a smile creeping across his somber face. “There are plenty of places for us to eat, we still have a movie to go see, and when we get back, I am so horny I think I could spontaneously combust.” It relieved you to see the smile grow wider, a genuine laugh now coming out of him. “Promise me.” 

“Promise you what, Osita?” 

“Promise me you won’t beat yourself up over this.” 

“Baby, I-“ 

“Promise me, Javier Jesús Peña. Or I will beat you up enough for the both of us” you poked your finger into his chest, playfully. 

“Promise.” He wrapped his arms around you, kissing the top of your head, savoring the sweet and familiar smell of your shampoo as his nose met your hair. “Going full name on me, huh?” 

“Told you, it was good to know in case of emergencies.” You laughed as he shook you, wrapped in the broadness of his arms. “There’s a diner down the road we passed on the way in, I could definitely eat a whole mess of pancakes right now.” 

“You weren’t kidding when you said you liked breakfast.” 

“I don’t joke when it comes to breakfast, Peña” you winked before you stretched up to peck him on the lips. “Let’s go.” You reached to grab his hand, leading him back to his truck. Trailing behind your lead, he soaked up every ounce of the image of you. An image he’d never get sick of. 

You didn’t even bother looking at the menu as you picked a booth in the back corner of the small diner down the street. Javi ordered a sandwich while you shamelessly ordered a stack of blueberry pancakes with whip cream on top. You could tell Javi was still upset with himself, staying relatively quiet since you two had unexpectedly changed your plans. You had a feeling there wasn’t much you could say at this point that would make him feel any less guilty- you would have felt the same way. Looking for a way to get him out of his head, you pulled out a kids menu and a wrapped pack of crayons tucked behind the condiments at your table, scribbling on it before sliding across the table to Javi. 

“Hangman?” Javi looked at you, chuckling. 

“We don’t have to play if you don’t want to, just thought it could be fun. Figured this was better than me coming across the booth to beat you up because I can tell you’re still mad at yourself.” 

This set off a more genuine laughter from him, shaking his head as he crossed his arms and leaned back in the booth. “I don’t know, Osita, after you told me you used to play hockey, you’ve got me a little nervous that you could take me out.” You both snickered at the idea of you trying to take down Javi. “Sure, let’s play.” 

“P?” He questioned, staring down at the dashed lines. 

“P? That’s what you’re gonna start with?” You drew a circle for the head.

“What’s wrong with P?” 

“Vowels first! Makes it way easier!” 

“Sorry, I don’t think I’ve played hangman since I was in elementary school.” 

“Which is why I’m an expert, seeing that I’m in an elementary school practically every day. Next guess.” 

“E?” 

“See, there you go!” You marked down several spots after Javi’s guess. 

“Okay, how about M?” 

“That doesn’t mean stop guessing vowels, dummy. But yes, lucky for you there is an M.” You laughed as Javi continued guessing letters and began eating as your food arrived. Through a bite full of your pancakes you gave Javi a dumbfounded look. 

“Javi… you seriously don’t know what it says? You can go hunt down drug lords in South America but hangman on a kids menu at a diner is what’s gonna do you in?” You both snorted as Javi tried to defend himself. 

“Osita, those are two completely different things.” 

“Well I’m not gonna lie Javi, one seems significantly easier than the other.” 

“Fine, I’ll guess. What movie are we seeing?” 

“Great work, detective.” You remarked sarcastically. 

“Gimme that.” He said, snatching the paper from you as he began to draw his own lines. “Your turn.” 

“Okay, thank goodness, I was worried we were going to miss the movie with how long it was taking you to guess. I'm starting with A.” 

Javi begrudgingly noted down some letters. You continued guessing, quickly filling up the lines until you had figured out the clue. 

“Oh, Jurassic Park! I’ve been wanting to see that! Have you seen the first one?” 

“Jesus, that was fast. No, but I figured it would be one you’d like. 

“I was secretly hoping you’d pick that one, so one point for you, Javier Peña.” You winked at him as you took a final bite of your pancakes. “I know this wasn’t the dinner you had planned, but it was still really good. And we still have a movie to go see and plenty of movie snacks to eat. You ready to go?” Javi smiled at you, nodding, still in disbelief how content you were with how things were going.

Your waiter came around to collect your plates and give you the bill, Javi insisting on paying, despite your attempt to physically try to open his hand and put cash in it. As you made your way out to the car, you reached down to grab his hand, embracing the familiarity of your fingers interlocking, his grasp engulfing yours. Your drive to the movie theater included several more tracks of Queen sing alongs, Javi’s favorite notably being your enthusiastic rendition of Don’t Stop Me Now. With the windows slightly rolled down, the wind blew through your hair, a smile stretched across your face. You were so wrapped up in singing, you hadn’t noticed Javi’s eyes locked on you, completely enamored by your presence. Part of him just wanted to say fuck it to the movie. Instead, take you back to your apartment, fuck, to have you in his truck and show you how thankful he was for you. 

As you pulled into the movie theater, you noticed that Javi had parked in a far back corner, a sizable walk from the front entrance. Before you could ask anything, his mouth was crashing into yours, running his hand through the hair on the back of your head, pulling you closer in. His other hand snaked under the hem of your dress, rubbing along your thigh before reaching under your underwear, his fingers grazing along your entrance.  Your hand mirrored, reaching across to grab his face, before planting kisses along his, working your way up to his ear. As much as you wanted to say nothing, you knew you at least had to tease him a little. You could hear his heavy breaths as you bit at his earlobe and whispered. 

“You owe me 5 dollars.” 

He pulled back, shaking his head, his breathing still labored. “Jesus Christ. You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” 

You leaned back in, planting another kiss on his neck before pulling back. “I told you, I don’t lose.” You winked before giving him a quick peck on the lips. “Tell ya what, because I’m such a gracious winner, I’ll donate my 5 dollars towards buying our movie snacks, okay?” 

“Doesn’t that defeat the whole bet?” He laughed at you. 

“Well I needed to find a way to let you get me to buy something on our date so you don’t pay for anything, and I figured you can’t argue with me if I use my winnings from our bet.” 

“Fair enough.” He sighed, knowing there was no point in arguing. 

“Thank you. You ready to go watch some dinosaurs?” You nudged him before hopping out of the passenger’s side door. Javi sat there for a moment, regaining his composure before following beside you into the theater, his hand now taking its familiar spot locked in yours. 

Javi couldn’t remember the last time he had been in a movie theater. He hadn’t gone in Colombia, probably making it close to a decade since stepping foot into one. Once Javi had told you how long it had been, you wanted to make sure you did everything you could to make it the best experience possible for him. After getting your tickets, you made your way to concessions, getting much more than your 5 dollar bet’s worth of snacks.

“Do you really think we need this much?” Javi asked, now carrying the frozen Coke and M&M’s you had handed him, you carrying a large popcorn. 

“Well first of all, you haven’t been to the movies in forever, so I want you to get the full movie snacking experience. Second, you ate two full bags of popcorn by yourself when we watched Star Wars, so I’m honestly worried this isn’t enough.” Mentally noting that Javi had already had 3 handfuls of M&M’s on your way to your seats. 

You were thankful that you were able to find two seats in the top middle of the theater, considering how crowded it was. You could feel a shift in his demeanor, like he was uneasy with how many people filled the room, constantly scanning back and forth. It wasn’t that Javi minded crowds, it was what could happen in a crowd if something went wrong that made him anxious. He had seen it first hand, and knew how poorly it could end. He hadn’t been somewhere this crowded in a long time, but with his instincts kicking in to overdrive, he could feel himself starting to panic at his current state. 

“Hey, you okay?” 

“Uh yeah, um, I’m fine, it’s just, um-“ 

You patted the seat next to you, ushering Javi to sit down. Once he did, you reached over to grab his hand and squeeze it and rest your head on his shoulder. You had seen this happen before with your brothers, especially your oldest, after he returned back from his first tour of active duty. While you could never truly understand how it felt, the last thing you wanted to do was make Javi feel like you weren’t there for him. “It’s okay. It’s more crowded than I would have thought too. We can stay here or if you need to move or go outside for a little we can do that too. Whatever you need.” You could feel a little of his tension ease as he kissed the top of your head. 

“No, I’m okay, thanks, Osita.” He felt a wave of relief wash over him that some way or another, you just seemed to know what he needed to snap him out of his funk.

“Okay. Just let me know if you need anything. I promise I’ll keep you safe from the dinosaurs.” You giggled while you looked up at him, Javi giving you a playful shake as he moved his arm to wrap over your shoulder, his thumb stroking back and forth across your skin as the lights lowered and previews started. 

As the movie is played, you found Javi’s hand somewhere on your body at all times. Holding your hand, wrapped around you, rubbing your leg, even playing with your hair as you rested your head against the width of his strong shoulders. The other hand was either in the popcorn or reaching down to eat the rest of the M&M’s. Javi really couldn’t have told you what was happening on screen, his eyes had barely left you, watching every reaction to what was happening. He was soaking in every moment, noticing when you laughed, excitedly poking him when something big happened, trying to fill him in so he wasn’t lost on what was happening. He was surprised when you let out a little shriek and grabbed on to him as one of the dinosaurs popped out on screen, even though you insisted that you weren’t scared, just weren’t expecting it. As the movie ended and credits began rolling, you looked over to already find Javi looking at you.

“So, what’d ya think? Good first movie theater experience?” 

“It was great, Osita.” 

“Good, I’m glad. Enjoy your snacks?” You laughed, looking at how the popcorn and M&M’s were completely gone, the frozen Coke only filled with a few sips worth left. 

“Oh shit, yeah, uh sorry…” realizing that he had pretty much eaten everything, oblivious to everything that wasn’t you. 

“It’s okay. I figured given what happened with the last movie we watched. You haven’t been to the movies in who knows how long, I wanted to make sure you got everything you wanted.” Javi wasn’t sure how you did it, but everything you did and said had him falling harder and harder for you. You were everything he wanted. You hadn’t cared when he fucked up the dinner reservations, you wanted to make sure he had fun at the movies, all you wanted was to be with him. Leaning over, he grabbed your face with both hands, engulfing you in a long, deep kiss. He didn’t care if people stared, in fact, he hoped they did. He hoped they’d see how lucky he was that you were his. 

“Wow. What was that for? Not that I’m complaining or anything.” You smirked, pulling away from his grasp. 

He knew it. He knew he couldn’t say it, but he knew it. He settled for what he could say instead. 

“I really like you, Osita. I like you a lot. Thank you for tonight. I, um… I, just, thank you.” 

“Javi, what are you thanking me for? I should be the one thanking you. You’re the one who wanted to do all of this for me. I really like you too, thank you for making tonight so special.”

Kissing the top of your head, he bent down to whisper in your ear. “Tonight’s not over yet, Osita. This isn’t the only part of our date I’m about to make special for you, baby.” He couldn’t help himself. He had spent the whole movie thinking about sneaking his hands further and further up your dress, how perfect you were, blissed out and moaning his name as he was inside you. 

“Jesus, Javi.” You shook your head, speechless. “I don't know what the hell we’re still doing standing here then. I’ll Tyrannosaurus Rex my way through this crowd for you to get me back home ASAP.” He laughed as you grabbed his hand leading him down the stairs and through the crowded lobby back to his car. 

The sexual tension in his car on the drive home was so thick, you would have needed a chainsaw to cut through it. You had both agreed, unlike Sunday, you would both have enough self control to make it back to your apartment, but with the way Javi was staring at you, and how dangerously close his hands were getting under your dress, the prospect of making it another 10 minutes home seemed practically impossible. When you finally reached the parking lot of your apartment, you practically threw yourself out of the car as you and Javi stumbled up the stairway, bodies crashing into one another as your mouths met furiously, hands frantically roaming over each other's bodies. You had no idea how you were able to get out your key and open your door as Javi’s chest pressed into your back, kissing your neck as your hands shakily unlocked your entrance to your apartment. The moment the door closed behind you, your clothes both quickly were shed, leaving a trail of items to your bedroom. Your bodies banged along the hallway as you shuffled your way to the bedroom, your mouths never leaving one another’s. Javi practically threw you onto your bed before shuffling his boxers down to pool around his ankles, his broad and handsome presence hovering over you. He knelt down to the edge of the bed, nudging your knees apart to reveal your pussy, glistening from its wetness. 

“Fuck, I’ll never get over your pussy, baby. Always so fucking wet.” Javi mewled before breathing in heavily and licking a long, broad strip along your clit. His tongue swirled around your heat as your hips bucked towards his face. One hand grasped your sheets while the other ran through his hair, tugging at the dark, curled ends as you moaned. You wanted him so badly to be inside of you, to fill the emptiness you were clenching around. Before you could ask, he slipped not one, but both fingers into you. His hand felt enormous compared to yours, his fingers so much more satisfying as they hit inside you over and over. As both digits curled up and his mouth sucked over your clit, you whimpered breathlessly. 

“Javi, you feel so good. Fuck me, holy shit.” 

“Patience Hermosa, I will, don’t worry.” He winked before diving back down between your legs. His free hand wrapped around your leg, grabbing your hip as you squirmed from how good he felt. The repetitive motion of his thick fingers plunging in you mixed with the skilled movement of his tongue across your sensitive nub had you already clenching down, close to your end. You knew with how worked up you had been this week without him, and what a goddamn menace he was, it wouldn’t take long for you to be on the verge of screaming his name in pleasure. 

“Baby, fuck, fuck I’m so close, Javi, I-“ 

Before you could finish your sentence, your orgasm flooded through your body, legs shaking and head thrown back as you moaned. The pleasure was so intense, and so much better than you could have even remembered. As you came back down from your high, Javi slowly pulled his fingers out from you before sucking them clean, your juices still smeared across his smirking face. “You taste so fucking good, Osita.” 

“Jesus, Javi… holy shit.” You breathed deeply, trying to regain your composure. He leaned over you, kissing up your body, stopping to take each nipple in his mouth, flicking it with his tongue before making his way up your neck.  

“I told you I meant what I said on the phone, baby. Is that okay with you?” His breath was low and raspy as he whispered into your ear. 

“Yes, oh my god, I haven’t stopped thinking about what you said all week. I haven’t been able to look at my dresser the same since.” You both let out light, airy laughs before Javi had picked you up and carried you over to your dresser before sitting you down on top of it. You spread your legs open, pussy still slick and shining from your last orgasm as Javi spit down into his hand before stroking his dick, already hard and desperate to be inside you. He then helped you shimmy down, smacking your ass as you turned around and placed your arms on the dresser. Looking up at the mirror in front of you, you could see the hungry look in Javi’s eyes as he ran his cock up and down your folds, collecting your slick. He kissed your shoulders as he rubbed his hands down the side of your body, squeezing your hips. “Javi, please.” You whimpered, the throbbing between your legs making it feel like he was taking years. 

“What happened to all that patience, Osita?” He smirked as he grabbed another handful of your ass. You were so desperate at this point your brain was unable to form words, only moans pleading for Javi to give you what you wanted. “So needy, huh? I’ll give you what you want, baby girl, don’t worry..” Slowly, he made his way into you, the sting of the sweet stretch of his cock making you breathless. As he bottomed out inside of you, a low groan from him mimicked yours. “So fucking tight, hermosa, fuck.” 

“Javi, move, please.” You were practically begging at this point. 

“I will, Osita. Look in the mirror first, baby.” Your eyes shifted off of the oak of the dresser under your arms and up to the image of Javi’s body towering behind you. His tanned and toned chest, his dark curls and mustache, the lust pooling in his eyes, Jesus, he really was the hottest man you’ve ever seen. 

“I want you to see how pretty you are when I fuck you. See what a good fucking girl you are when you take me so well, when I fuck you full of me. Can you do that for me?” As your eyes met his in the mirror frantically nodding, he began to move himself in and out of you, taking his time. Almost as if he was savoring how good each thrust felt. Each time he pushed back into you, your gasps became louder, the feeling intensifying. The spot he was hitting was so sweet, but your body was pleading for more. 

“Fuck Javi, give me more, please baby. Fuck me harder.” Your eyes once again locking with his, a delightfully surprised look spreading across his face. 

“Yeah, you want me to fuck you harder, hermosa?” You once again nodded rapidly, biting down on your bottom lip. “Use your words, pretty girl.” He teased, slowing his pace enough to make you squirm. 

“Fuck me harder, Javi. Please baby, you feel so good, I want more.” Javi knew his size was larger than average. He definitely hadn’t been gentle with you, but he hadn’t been overly aggressive, not wanting to push your limits and make you uncomfortable. But right now, he had you in the palm of his hand, begging him for more. 

“You sure you want more, baby?” He slowly began to speed up his thrusts, waiting for your answer. 

“Mhmmmm.” You whined at the ridges of his cock rubbing against your walls. “Give it to me, please.” 

With that, his pace changed drastically, his hips snapping into you repeatedly. You could feel every inch of him stretch you out in a way that you couldn’t describe. The way his dick pounded into, filling you so deeply and intensely had your screams echoing off the walls of the room. 

“Fuck, Javi. Fuck, oh my god.” 

“Yeah? Feel good, Osita? My good fucking girl, taking me so well.” 

Suddenly, his arm reached under yours, pulling you up so your back was flushed with his chest. He wrapped his arm over your breasts, his big hand engulfing one while his other hand reached down for your clit. The added pleasure made the building feeling in your stomach creep closer and closer, knowing you were about to snap. His calloused fingertips rubbed back and forth as he leaned into you, his mouth grazing along your neck. “Look at yourself, baby. I know you’re close. I want you to see how pretty you are when you come all over my dick.” Your eyes watched Javi’s hand rub faster along your sensitive bundle of nerves before shifting up to see the damp, dark curls stuck to his forehead, a sheen covering his body in sweat. Each snap of his hips hit harder and harder, you feeling your pussy beginning to flutter around his cock. With only a few more thrusts, you felt something snap inside you, your legs shaking as you moaned Javi’s name as you came. Watching you had Javi reeling, his thrusts becoming more frantic as your eyes met in the mirror before he spoke. 

“Where do you want me, baby?” 

“Inside me. It’s yours Javi. It’s all fucking yours.” 

Your words were all he needed before he took one last pump, spilling inside you. You watched in the mirror as his jaw went slack as his muscles tense. You felt his spend covering your walls, his cock pulsing as he finished. He draped his body over yours, your heavy breathing syncing for a few moments before he pushed himself back up, slowly pulling out of you. You whimpered at the loss, feeling the mix of you running down the side of your leg. Suddenly, you felt Javi’s body press into yours, his arm snaking between your legs as two thick fingers pushed into you, making you gasp. 

“Will you keep me in you, hermosa? So I know you’re all fucking mine?” 

“Yes, Jesus Christ.” You whispered under your breath. He watched you nod as he pushed into you one last time before pulling out his fingers and kissing down your back, chuckling as he pulled away.  

“Nope, just me, Javi. Go lay down on the bed, baby. Let me get something to clean you up.” 

“Oh shut up.” You laughed as you still laid slumped over the dresser. “I would move but I think you fucked me so good my legs don’t work anymore.” He snuck up behind you, picking you up and carrying you over to your bed before plopping you down and heading to the bathroom, leaving you giggling, staring at your ceiling. He returned with a warm washcloth, gently wiping you up before tossing it into your laundry basket and climbing under your covers with you. You scooted close to him, your head resting on his chest, arm draped across and one leg hiked up, resting on top of him. His strong arms wrapped around you, tracing circles along your back as he kissed the top of your head. 

“Thank you, Javi.” 

“For what, Osita?” 

“This was the best date I’ve ever been on.” 

“You must have been on a lot of shitty dates then, Hermosa.” 

“I’m being serious, you goofball! I mean yes, I think before this, the most romantic thing someone had done for me was when Paul actually remembered our anniversary, and then asked me if we could go to his favorite sports bar instead of the nice restaurant I picked because he didn’t want to miss a football game that was on that night. But I’m not kidding, the fact that you wanted to spend time with me, let alone plan something nice, I don’t know… it just really means a lot. So thank you.” 

Javi paused for a moment before he responded. He wasn’t sure how to feel. Happy, relieved even, that you had such a good time on a date that anyone else probably would have deemed a disaster? Thankful that you wanted to spend just as much time with him as he did with you? Heartbroken that there had been one too many idiots who had come in and out of your life that had treated you like shit and you had accepted that was as good as it got? 

“Osita, I said it before and I’ll say it again, you deserve it. You’re beautiful and smart and sexy as hell and even if you won’t admit it, you deserve someone who sees that. I still can’t believe that you think that I’m worth any of your time, but I’m sure as hell glad that you do.” He kissed your head again as you nuzzled it closer to his chest, trying to fight back the tears welling in your eyes. Before you could say anything he finished with, “I sure as fuck hope that I never meet Paul either, cause I’d give that fucking guy a piece of my mind.” 

You let out a small huff as you looked up at him. “Ease up there, cowboy. Don’t worry, I think everyone I know has already given him enough shit to last him 3 lifetimes. You’re really sweet, Jav. Thank you.” You stretched up to plant a soft kiss on his lips as you reached up to cup his face. 

“Of course, baby. I lo-“ He stopped himself as quickly as possible. His brain hadn’t even processed the words that were coming out of his mouth. There was no fucking way he could say it, even if he knew it. He just prayed you hadn’t heard his slip up before he continued. “I really like you, and I’m so glad you had a good time tonight. I did too.” 

“Can I see you again this weekend? I know you have to work tomorrow and we just saw each other today and-“ 

“Yes, Osita. I’d love to see you again this weekend. I promised my dad I’d help him with some things around the ranch tomorrow night and Saturday morning but other than that, I’m all yours.” He leaned down to kiss you, his mustache tickling your neck as you pulled away. 

“Perfect. Can I pick something for us to do since you got to pick what we did today?” 

“Is it a surprise, or do I get to know?” He asked mockingly. 

“If yours got to be a surprise, so does mine. I don’t have anything specific picked out yet, but I have a few ideas.” 

“Can’t wait to see what it is, Osita.” 

You glanced over at your alarm clock, forgetting the fact that you didn’t have to set it again until August, and Javi still had one more day until his weekend. “What time do you usually get up in the morning?” 

“Why?” He asked, fingers still tracing up and down your shoulders. 

“So I can get up with you in the morning and make you breakfast and say goodbye to you before you go to work.” Your fingers mirrored his, circling over his bare chest. 

“Hermosa, it’s your first day of summer, you’re not getting up with me in the morning, you get to sleep in.” 

“What if I want to get up with you in the morning? You gonna force me to stay in bed until you leave?” 

“Fine, I’m not waking you up on purpose, but if you’re awake and want to get up with me I’m not going to say no.” 

“Well then I will see you in the morning, bright and early.”

“Okay, Osita. I’m gonna go run down to my car and grab my bag, are you okay if I leave the door unlocked so you don’t have to let me back in?” 

“Sure. I’ll be right here, unless you’ve pulled off hiding your serial killer act this long and you and the rest of your gang have found the perfect opportunity at this moment.” 

“Dork. I’ll be back up in a few, okay?” 

“Safe travels out there.” 

He laughed as he collected his clothes scattered on the floor trailing down the hallway to put on before heading out the door. You rolled over, inhaling the scent Javi had left behind on your pillow, his space still warm from his body. You pulled your covers further over you, snuggling in closer to the space he just was in. Even without him physically next to you, the feeling of knowing he would be back next to you soon flooded your body with a sense of comfort. Not realizing how tired you were until this moment, you felt your eyelids begin to droop, growing heavier with each blink. You swore to yourself you could stay awake the few minutes Javi would be gone, but by the time he returned back up with his bag, he was greeted with the soft sound of snores filling your bedroom. He set his things down at the end of the bed before turning off the lights and stripping himself of his clothes once again before crawling under the covers, spooning you, wrapping your body in his arms. 

“Dulces sueños, mi amor. Te adoro. Todo es más bonito si estás conmigo. Soy tan afortunado de tenerte” (Sweet dreams, my love. I adore you. Everything is more beautiful when I’m with you. I’m so lucky to have you.) 

He kissed your head as he pulled you in closer. He slowly breathed out, a sense of peace and comfort filling his body. He took one more moment to savor your presence before closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep next to you. There were few things in life that Javier Peña had ever been absolutely sure of. You were one of those few things.