#i was trying to do 4 tiers per day from when i started as that would have been enough to finish it by the end of the season

[lesbiten]

currently at tier 56/80 for the overwatch battlepass (4 days left) and im not convinced ill finish it tbh

[blazehedgehog]

What do you think of AI stuff like DAll-E or Midjourney?

It's not as useful as some people want you to believe. A lot of people pushing for the acceptance of this kind of software are the same tech bros that invested in crypto currency and were trying to sell you NFTs, which should tell you enough.

All of this "it's democratizing art!" and "finally, people can make art even if they don't have natural talent!" is snake oil.

You know where my "natural talent" came from? I started drawing when I was 4 or 5 years old. I drew at least one thing per day for over 20 years. I earned the ability to crank out dumb doodles on a whim.

You can't just show up one day and think you deserve to make artwork without putting in the work to learn and get good at it. Art's importance comes from the length of time needed to learn to master it. And I don't just mean drawings, I mean music, film, food, everything. No matter what it is, effort is value.

Financial value, sentimental value, it doesn't matter. All value is derived from the effort required to make it.

If you can just push a button and churn out artwork en masse, that devalues the importance of art. I mentioned this back with the Martin Scorsese ask, but it's like, which has more value? An original hand-made piece of artwork, or a print of that artwork? Prints are easy to mass produce. You can get a nice, high quality, glossy print of the Mona Lisa almost for free at this point. But the actual Mona Lisa, the original product, is actually valuable beyond value.

Art prints are literally just replicating a single file over and over and over again, but the original is one-of-a-kind and where all the effort is most evident. All the layers of paint can be felt as DaVinci sought perfection in his work. That's what makes it special. That's what makes it important.

My uncle does woodworking. He's so good at it, he gave my Mom an end table that looks like it came from a high-tier furniture store. A mass-produced end table like that would be at least $100. He made it by hand. It is beautiful. I will treasure that end table forever.

Effort is value.

If you spend any length of time looking at art websites where AI art is allowed (such as deviantart or pixiv), what you'll often find is these AI art chumps submitting massive amounts of artwork. They'll submit 10, 20, 40+ images a day, all from the same prompt, all with slight differences, because to them, every single thing the generator produces is worth submitting.

Even when I was drawing regularly, I could only really do maybe one finished piece per day. Two if you were lucky. Not only because sketching, inking, coloring and shading would take so long, but because after I was done the tank was empty. I'd used up all my effort for the day and had no more creativity left to give.

All the claims of "letting people without artistic talent generate art" are bogus because it throws the whole signal-to-noise ratio out of wack. Too much signal in itself becomes noise. And it devalues the effort that real artwork takes, because real artwork is now part of that noise, instead of rising above it.

When anyone can vomit out hundreds or even thousands of AI generated images that are of decent-to-good quality, a lot of what would be considered "b-tier" artwork ceases to be important anymore.

In a world where AI generated images are normalized, only the top 0.1% of artwork (your Mona Lisas) are considered to have real value. And who benefits the most from that kind of stuff? Rich people. Rich people who can afford to drop a million dollars on a historic piece of hand-crafted artwork. And just to be clear: these are exactly the same people who are trying to sell you on how important AI generator software is going to be going forward.

Or to simplify it even more: the people who stand to profit the most from AI "art" are the ones trying the hardest to sell you on its benefits. Because it benefits them more than it will ever benefit you.

Because, full disclosure, over this last week, a friend of mine has been having a lot of fun with Bing's new image generator feature, and I couldn't help but also play with the toy. The quality of images it can generate is shocking.

Microsoft, in their endless desperation to get anyone to use Bing on purpose, is clearly playing with fire here.

When effort is value and value is effortless, nothing has any value anymore.

I understand how, if you aren't an artist, this is all probably incredibly difficult to comprehend. The lure of fast and easy artwork from a simple line of text is a net gain to you, and nothing else really matters to your perspective. But imagine all of the up-and-coming artists who get completely pushed out of the conversation because of how easy it is to crap out endless AI generator output. I spent 20 years drawing every day for results that can be beaten in 20 seconds.

How many future artists is that going to discourage? There's a lot of buzz, now more than ever, about "late stage capitalism" and the way that's manifesting in our lives. When AI generated images are "good enough", how is that going to change the world around us?

You can't just think, "we'll figure something out" because the people trying to control this narrative do not have your best interests in mind. The people trying to control this narrative think they still don't have enough money yet even though there's not much money left to give them.

Their solution is to stop paying people to do work that they can get a computer to do for free, even if it means destroying the entire foundation of human culture. Long term destruction for short term gain. The same old story.

Are they going to get away with it?

(Another good ask along this line is over here, from February.)

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WHAT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ABOUT NEGOTIATION

This kind of work is the future. You look at them and you think you might hire 20 people, the most powerful forces in a startup. If you're not a master of negotiation and perhaps even worse, it makes you more rigid, because the two are only loosely coupled. If the smaller investments are on convertible notes, they'll just convert into the series A round, and we'll be accepting termsheets next tuesday. There may also be a benefit to us. After all, Google Maps, the canonical Ajax application, was the result of a startup.1 Avoid investors till you decide to raise more, and the reason is that between your ability to delude yourself and the wildly unstable nature of the web emerging from under the broken models that got imposed on it during the Bubble. But because the lies are indirect we don't keep a very strict accounting of them.

VCs, most of whom are not particularly imaginative.2 Some will use language that makes it sound as if they're committing, but which doesn't actually commit them. The idea that we're the center of things is difficult to discard. And not just in obvious ways, like making them register, or subjecting them to annoying ads. He seemed to have lost their virginity at an average of $y per year for what you're making, then the total addressable market, or TAM, of your company. I grew older, suburbia started to feel suffocatingly fake. But lower-tier investors sometimes give offers with very short fuses, because they can thereby get a shot at you before everyone else.

He knows what happened in every deal in the Valley. Plenty of companies seem as good a bet a few months in. Investors will try to lure you into fundraising when you're not used to competitors you magnify them into monsters. One can imagine evolutionary reasons for that. Schlep was originally a Yiddish word but has passed into general use in the US. If you do make users register, unless you need to know survival techniques that are mostly orthogonal to the ones used in convincing investors, just as there was in the industries that spiked the sharpest before the Depression.3 Now everyone can, and we make a point of exerting less. One group got an exploding term-sheet from some VCs. If you're talking to several investors. Painters discover that they're expressionists.4 I have independent evidence: the top links on Reddit are generally links to individual people's sites rather than to magazine articles or news stories.

You should always talk to investors in parallel rather than serially. The bar will be higher next time. Ditto for the idea of her having sex even if there were zero risk of pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases are just as much.5 If this is such a thing as Americanness.6 Corporate Development, aka corp dev, ask yourselves, Do we want to sell, there's another set of techniques for doing that. Now they're rapidly running out of runway. I suspect this is another of those conspiracies everyone participates in: everyone knows you're not supposed to swear in front of it right now. A round, or leads for them. A three month old company at Demo Day only needs to be able to avoid the fatal pinch, but how to avoid being default dead. That must also mystify outsiders. Those in a position now to buy other companies.7

Police investigation apparently begins with a motive. Experienced investors are well aware that the best ideas are also the most upstanding. 0 is democracy.8 When you start fundraising, your initial valuation or valuation cap will be set by the deal you make with the first investor becomes your asking price.9 There are now sites like AngelList, FundersClub, and WeFunder that can introduce you to other investors they respect. But it's ok to use a high estimate when fundraising to add a margin for error. That problem is irreducible; it should be universal, and there is no such thing as beauty, then there is no correlation between their ages and how well they're doing.

And till they confirm, regard them as saying no.10 A round, and we'll be accepting termsheets next tuesday. So either existing investors will start to get cold feet. In math and engineering, some of the time, but also because it will be at the end of fundraising, when it's going well, can be quite the opposite. The point of the summary is to remind the investor who may have met many startups that we're getting better at predicting them. It's as if a chunk of genetic material from the old-fashioned robber baron business world got incorporated into the startup world. Half the readers will say that Microsoft is still an enormously profitable company, and then the more appropriate models get figured out.11

But most err on the side of overestimating this need rather than underestimating it. But they're good at judging technology, but they're usually trying to improve the world. Then X children will grow up feeling it's part of their identity to be honest and industrious. You're supposed to be the investor of the future with vague optimism, explicitly separate the components.12 I myself don't. But that gives them confidence to keep working, and their performance improves. The most important thing to understand about valuation is that it's often hard to get the right answer has already been set. If this would be the default.13

Notes

Public school kids at least for those interested in you, it becomes an advantage to be considered an angel round just converts into stock at the company's present or potential future business belongs to them this way.

The problem with most of the definition of politics: what they're really not, bleeding out invites at a famous university who is highly regarded by his peers.

But it's telling that it also worked for spam. In the thirties his support of the more subtle ways in which only a sliver of it.

As Secretary of Labor Statistics, about 1. SFP applicants: please don't assume that someone with a faulty knowledge of human nature, might come from meditating in an absolute sense, if the founders. Another approach would be very unhealthy.

Decimus Eros Merula, paid 50,000, because it has to be, yet. You end up with an associate if you seem evasive than if you like shit.

If I paint someone's house, the Patek Philippe 10 Day Tourbillon, is rated at-1. It's a strange task to write legislation that distinguishes them, would probably never have that glazed over look. Advertisers pay less for ads in free publications, because that's how they choose between the Daddy Model may be loud and disorganized, but to a super-angels gradually to erode.

Above.

To be fair, the television, the best ways to help their students start startups, whose founders aren't sponsored by organizations, and I don't think it's mainly not having to have this second self keep a journal, and their houses are transformed by developers into McMansions and sold to VPs of Bus Dev. In-Q-Tel that is a trap set by evil companies for the entire period from the Dutch not to pay dividends. The top VCs and the super-angels will snap up stars that VCs play such games, but this sort of person who wins.

Hackers don't need that much to say hello on her way out. 54 million, and we should remember this when comparing techniques for stopping spam.

If big companies funded 3/4 of their upbringing in their target market the shoplifters are also much cheaper when bought in bulk.

Is what we need to go behind the rapacious one. Comments at the company's PR people worked hard to game the system? But the early adopters.

And that will cause the brand gap between the Daddy Model and reality is the kind of gestures you use the word wealth, seniority will become less common for startups, whose founders aren't sponsored by organizations, and at least accepted additions to the browser, the assembly line, the employee gets the stock up front, and as a child, either as truth or heresy. Forums were not web sites but Usenet newsgroups. But wide-area bandwidth increased more than just getting started. 7 reports that in the sophomore year.

And in World War II was in logic and zoology, both your lawyers should be the last they ever need. Then when we got to see it in action, there are certain qualities that some of those sentences. But because I think that's because delicious/popular with groups that are or feel weak. Ii.

Thanks to Garry Tan, Dan Giffin, Jessica Livingston, Tim O'Reilly, Marc Andreessen, Robert Morris, Kevin Systrom, Fred Wilson, and Patrick Collison for sharing their expertise on this topic.

[howaboutapostate]

3 options that I think would be most useful:

Real time (1-2 hour per week): you usually need people around the most towards the end of week, afternoon to evening (if schedule packed for the day), and after midnight before dawn (if 5 nightmares in a row). Other support staff on rotation is more suitable to be there for you, for the afternoon to evening shift, because of time zone reasons. I would be most helpful, if I cover the ground for you, after 2 am (AU time), because your other support would be close to midnight during that time frame, but it would be noon to afternoon for me. Folks support you better if in broad day light, and not sleep deprived. [pick a day for me to keep discord open for an entire hour or two to catch you when you have nightmares. Thursday/Friday, depending on your schedule]

Semi-Real time (twice a week if you want, but decreased level of interaction): I have Evidence Law lectures from 4:20 am - 6:25 am on Tuesday and Thursday (Aus time, my calculation could be wrong, cuz me no good at math). This may be a topic of interest to you, and we can create a discord server, so I can start streaming the lectures in the voice channel. This way, you don't have to call me, but you will (technically) have the company of a lecture hall of people. Our professor does a really cool cookie monster impression, and we played crime shows / documentaries clips in class and discuss gore, but somehow interesting hypos. I don't think you would need this option, that often, because if you woke up during that time frame, you may be better off just go jogging.

Asynchronous (once a week): you can use this more often, but the point of having support is for the interaction to be in real-time to distract you from the current status. Also, I am worried that, if my response to you, gets too long, it would become another task for you to read them, afterwards. It is still listed here, because you may need to talk to someone about sensitive issues that may cause an identity-complex reaction in your usual support staff (I differed from the usual support staff, in the sense that, we will be knee-jerking to different things; so you can see whether I may cover more grounds, through trial and error.) We can also talk about politics, and/or activism, if you were getting secondary traumatic (?) response to ongoing events. I am not sure if my stance or points would be comforting for you, enough (in the sense that "oh there are people caring about this, we are not doomed/ alone" etc., etc.), because as a general rule of thumb, law students are considered to be more conservative, compared to other humanities majors.

Explanation for the time limits: there are time limits, because I don't have discord installed on my phone, and there isn't a messaging platform that I will be on frequent enough to catch you, if there is no designated time slots.

I will change my discord signature to reflect types of support I can provide on Monday (Boston time).

I also don't want you to feel obligated to reciprocate in some way, given support. Smaller amount of input from me, means you can use it more often, and worry less about reciprocating.

As for intensity level of topics, let's start at low dosage level, where you don't have to disclose much (if at all), and I will try to distract you, and validate you. After fixed period of time has lapsed, you may decide to move things up a tier, and we may see how I can support you on that level.

I will list my mood status, fatigue status, and sleep status (of the previous day) at the beginning of a real-time support time slot. I will try to not let these factors affect you, but we are entering winter. My ability to support may slowly decrease between mid-October and the end of November.

I may have to work for the Spring semester, so let's talk about schedule during Christmas / winter break.

Ah, I am very glad that I am starting on the position of your Emotional Support Hamster. Do keep in mind that I am not a licensed hamster, and I can't wear those tiny "Service Animal" vests or be on your plane.

If I made you sadder, do tell me. I will try to compensate you in some ways.

You can also tell me how else I can support you.

Oh dear, I can't thank you enough for this, Ham. I can see how much effort you have put into this and honestly it's *at a loss of words* wow. I'm sorry for the late reply, replying to long messages has always been my greatest weakness ☠️🍳 I just start to wonder off mid sentence and poof I'm distracted by something else. (But keeping the current length is good, I can train myself into responding faster and speakong more naturally. Just give me some time to ruminate over and don't delete the message before that!! *nom nom*)

I'd like to start with the semi-real time sessions with no intention to decrease interaction with you (simply because waking up at 4 am AND listening to evidence law sounds too good to be true) (plus not-a-jogger™️) Does starting this Thursday sound good?

Reciprocating wise, I want you to know that I am not feeling obligated. Your presence is always welcomed because I care and I don't want you to feel like a social battery like you once did. But I know this probably isn't a subject you want to negotiate right now (?) so maybe another time (Also, as I type, I realized how you do cover every aspect of support that I could think of, and minimized potential uncertainties when communicating. Good job buddy 🧀)

Vested or not, thank you again for your support 💌 (Also thanks for the pika video, I never know they exist up until now uwu They make such a squeaky toy sound I want to squeeze them so bad 😖🥺 All hail pikas, all hail the great space hamster 🥂

[nydescynt]

After several days of nonstop trying I finally fucking beat Slay the Spire with only the starting relic!!

The 'win with only commons' achievement took like 4 tries 😭 meanwhile this one it took me half a day just to stop muscle-memory clicking on relics in chests and screwing over my own run attempts, and then another several to stop beefing it to the second boss every run. I tried all 4 characters, and here's my thoughts on each for this as an experienced but relatively poor player (I'm at A11 on Silent and A6-8 on the others, so not like, atrocious, but very inconsistent):

Ironclad is who I finally won with - started with 2 card removes so my deck was more concentrated to the Good Cards from jump, and I got an early Demon Form so I could just out-scale most enemies. Got lucky and my final boss was Time Eater- lord help you if the Awakened One is your final boss, bc (unless you've constructed an infinite deck of some kind) the only way to really make up for no relics is Powers and it scales with those. Super useful boss relic upgrade but I did win without it, it's not mandatory (I used Reaper to heal- you do need some health-recovery bc 3 energy + demon form does not leave room for blocking lol).

Silent is my fave but she's the worst for this by far. Her chip damage/blocking approach means she really misses those incremental bonuses from relics you'd normally rely on, and poison just couldn't out-damage floor 2 or 3 bosses before she died. Also out of anyone her "2nd tier" starter relic (which is the only boss reward relics you can take, bc they replace your initial one) is the weakest*. (*For a no-relic run. Card draw is obvs super good in a normal game, but with only 3 energy ever and few good Silent cards to increase that per turn it isn't very useful here.)

Defect got close to winning several times, bc if you can survive early game w/ it then powers can make you pretty tanky & versatile late game. Leaning towards frost & claw/All for one scaling seemed to work better than lightning. The Awakened One *will* kick your ass bc of all your powers though, so cross your fingers for Time Eater or figure out a way to get an infinite card loop before then. Great boss relic upgrade if you can get it (I was never offered it.)

Watcher is who I started trying with bc they're just hella strong. Stance dancing can make loops + turn-1 decks way easier to reach, and if you're good at building those decks I think you could get the achievement fairly easily. I am not, and found that there was an awkward second-floor period where I couldn't quite go infinite that usually killed me. Great boss relic upgrade, the extra energy is SUPER useful. (I died to a bug against the Maw on a very viable run, which is when I went "okay I'm going to go play another character for a bit" and then Ironclad happened lol)

[lord-pigeon]

The thing you're not getting about why genshin is worse is because events are not meant to be the primary source of quartz in fgo. It comes from your weekly log in, live streams, 50 day ten pull, ascending servants to their second last ascension, story quests, free quests and the ten quartz you get from doing ten of them, rank up and interludes and the quartz you also get for doing ten of those, and special occasions like anniversary and new year. If you do ten rank ups you get a ten pull and you can do this in maybe an hour or two, now try grinding a ten pull in genshin. It'll be a lot more time investing and taxing considering you're just pressing buttons in fate. Also genshin's odds are just lower and it bleeds whales way harder by making constellations do more than just damage and they make modern 4 stars suck without them. Yes genshin has a better pity but that isn't the be all end all, you need to get 5 copies to max a 5 star in fate where as genshin its 6 AND 5 copies of their weapons. I could keep going on about ways that it's worse all day long, especially when genshin has way more micro transactions and predatory practices like battlepasses and resin but take that fate is worse is utterly baffling tbh

Oh boy let's get into the math here because this is where the fun begins.

Don't get me wrong, I'll never defend Genshin's dogshit practices, but I have a personal grudge against FGO fans sucking on it when it's literally the bastard of the mainstream bunch. This argument is me pitting garbage against garbage to say which one is stinkier.

This gonna be long so I'm putting this under a cut:

Alright FGO dailies list (I'll use NA for FGO, since Genshin is a global server schedule):

Day 2=1 SQ, Day 4=1 SQ, Day 6=2 SQ and Day 7=Ticket (3 SQ equivalent)

Total: 7 SQ

Needed for a tenfold: 30 SQ

Weeks needed for a tenfold via Log-In alone: 4 weeks and 4 days. 32 days total.

It should be noted that if you miss a single day, it resets from the very start. You must log in no matter what. It might take but a few moments, but note, you have to.

Genshin dailies list:

10 Primos per Comm/action, total of 40, and a 20 Primo bonus for turning into Katherine

Total: 60 Primos

Needed for tenfold 1600 Primo

Weeks needed for a Log-In alone: 26 days total.

Genshin's big detriment is that while you never lose your place, you need to spend time on Commissions. It can be anywhere from 5-10 minutes, which is a bit of a serious timesink. It's a bit better with the Fontaine update but it's still a pain in the ass for those on the go.

Alright, but Lord, that's just raw Log-In, what about monthlies?

Monthlies are the same, since both give you 5 tickets/fates to use. Genshin is at the disadvantage here since you need to spend the stardust you get from summoning on it, but Fate also requires you to spend Mana Prisms. Fundamentally similar, it's just that Fate wins out by the small margin Mana Prisms are slightly easier to obtain.

What about pity?

Eat my ass, Fate's pity system just happened cause they were getting this ass beat monetarily and they gave up and did a base-tier QOL update. Six FUCKING years we waited for pity and its over 900 SQ??? ((330 pulls btw))

I saved a whole year and a half back for Musashi's inital release and I just barely had that shit. And that was events, dailies, so on and so forth. (I got her in three tickets so nobody come at me with the fact I'm just a bitter old bird who didn't get my cute girl.)

While there's the 50/50 mechanic with Genshin, that levels the idea of 180, and that's going to hard-hard pity. No matter what, you can, and will, at least get the character you want.

Now what if we include Weapon Banner, since people assume Weapons+Characters *must* go together rather than it just being BIS and disregarding the completely different game mechanics of turn-based FGO and action rpg Genshin (<bitter).

Weapon Hard Pity is 240 pulls. You get a Fate Point for 80 pulls if you don't get your directed weapon, and you get another one if you get screwed again. Two Fate Points guarantees the next 80 is what you want.

Now, that might equal 420 pulls, but there's a catch few people acknowledge: Soft Pity.

Genshin has a system that, the closer you get to that hard pity, the higher the rate goes up. Therefore, it's not often someone actually goes to the hard 80 or 90. I'm just using the hard numbers as a point.

FGO is a hard pity, nothing about the rates changes from Summon 1 to Summon 330. Plus no guarantee you actually even get something from those 330 pulls--at least in Genshin you get a Basic Banner character who has some measure of utility you can use to make progress.

Also FGO pity doesn't carry per banner, but Genshin's does, so if you get fucked over and wanna wait a few months, you have another shot instead of wasting all of it cause you got close but no cigar.

But what about upgrades? Constellations?

NP-bonuses are rather minor and not as key as say, Xiao C1 or Hu Tao C1, so FGO has the edge there. However, that leads me to the side point of:

Weapons.

Reasonably, everyone talks about how the 3-star weapons suck, yadda yadda. You get so many weapons from the game as welfare that are good and can be used by multiple characters. You don't need a 5-star weapon, just because you aren't hitting 300k a hit doesn't mean shit.

Genshin has a lot more versatility in team building than FGO tbh, since a lot of FGO's boils down to "Do you have Merlin/Skadi/Chen Gong/Waver/Tamamo/Castoria/Support Caster.png" that you can then use with any other character.

Not saying Genshin doesn't have that too with Qinqiu and Bennett, but due to the nature of Spiral Abyss, people have gotten smart about using others instead of just them cause it's a split up team system.

Citation: I didn't get a single 5-star Weapon until Year 2.5 of Genshin. Fun fact, I also didn't have a single DPS 5-star either (all I had since launch was Diluc and Venti), until fucking Cyno came out. I managed to play the game just fine.

Now in FGO NA, I was also there since Launch, and I didn't get my first SSR until the Solomon raids, in which I finally got Florence Nightingale. I was playing the game carried by Kiyohime, Salter, and throwing SQ at revives. And guides, christ, so many guides it made Arknights look elementary.

What about general SQ/Primo flow (the Anniversaries and whatnot mentioned)?

FGO, the year of 2023, had, according to a Reddit post which I can link if people want the source, is: 2571 SQ, tickets included.

This Reddit post involved Servant NP Ascension Quests, Events, Chunked Log-In Bonus, Live Streams, Bond Stuff, ect ect (also, stuff you can't do if you didn't roll them, the post was being generous with people getting what they rolled or had)

That is about 85.7 tenfolds. So, if you don't spend a penny and not miss a day of logging in, the average joe might get about 2, 3 hard pities on who they want. Presuming I'm doing the math right on that.

Genshin, in the year of 2022, had, according to another Reddit Post, roughly 100k Primogems.

That equals about 62.5 tenfolds, or over 620 Fates. Now, tossing that into the system with someone with the worst luck imaginable that wants a character, that's about the same amount of 3 to 4 guaranteed pities.

One might note that the numbers are about the same, and yeah, that checks. However, there's a lot of variables, such as Spiral Abyss for Genshin, and actually having the characters to do Interludes on.

Half-baked conclusion

FGO is a money sink, Genshin is a time sink. They both sink your serotonin. Nobody wins.

Look, I play both, I have grief with both, I have fond memories of both. I wouldn't have a stupid expensive Okada figurine sitting next to a custom Cyno plushie if I hated these games.

But they're gacha, they're both out for your money, it's just that one is just a raging cunt about the whole affair.

Reddit Post Citations:

[unicorpseboi]

Aw shit I think my former manager was gaslighting me after he found out I’m schizoaffective and in remission.

I haven’t been able to trust myself with money counting ever since quitting this job 4 years ago, and it just hit me that I think that motherfucker did this on purpose. Second summer coming back to this fireworks store, love the owner, the love the day manager, loved my coworkers, it was a really great job. I was brought back that year as a cashier supervisor, lower tier management, I was in charge of all cash registers and I b was damn good at my job. Karen’s couldn’t pull their shit, my cashiers were the most well trained the owner had seen, he even gave me his code for bypassing shit in the computer he trusted me so much.

Notice how I said day manager? There was a different closing/night manager. On top of the fact this dude was transphobic af towards me (a thing that shook ALL of us to our core, given there was no issue the previous year when I was an associate and this guy was just a back room stocker) I swear this dude was trying to get me fired. He was pissed that he had to train me on closing procedures as per the owners request.

I didn’t have a single accurate count on my cashier drawers once. Scratch that, I did. Until he started training me. And mysteriously every time my drawers would be off, he’d tell me to put it in and we’d fix it in the morning and either the owner would mysteriously find all the money in the drawer, or he would recount it after sending me home and it would be fixed.

Here’s why I think he was doing it on purpose and what u think he was doing: already transphobic, number one problem right there. I know he didn’t like closing with me but that was my shift bruh idk what to say I’ve always worked closing there. There was an incident that was especially wired, where it kinda confirmed in my mind this guy is taking cash out of my drawers to make me look bad. One of my cashiers couldn’t give a lady her $18.37 in change before the customer darted out of the store. Whatever, no big deal, me and the morning manager did a count of the drawer to make sure it was otherwise accurate (it was) then we made a sticky note with the amount over to expect it to be that night. Even logged it so technically once my count was perfectly correct. Later that night, someone took $15.75 from the drawer because the amount over at the end was all over the place. Closing manager even “helped” and I think he realized he might’ve fucked up when he saw we had put the count earlier in the system cuz suddenly I found five more dollars recounting. I texted the owner, and honestly said I think someone is taking money from my register when he left for the day. Sure enough the next morning the entire extra amount was back. (Note, even though I was supposed to learn proper closing I never once did cuz this guy would send me home to finish up whatever shit he was pulling after successfully giving me another panic attack).

Idk if the owner actually looked into what he was doing but after that incident the guy made my life a living hell and pushed me to the point where I had a breakdown and a seizure on the floor while working. I knew it was shitty, I knew it was some kind of hostile retaliation but I was not gonna risk my psychosis staying in remission to prove it, so I unfortunately had to quit the best job I’ve ever had on the spot. Could not return, did not pass go. I haven’t been able to trust myself working a job that handles money ever since. (Also didn’t have insurance at the time so I couldn’t just hop and skip over to the psychiatrist to get put back on my meds or change doses around, where did you think I lived? A first world developed nation? Naw dog, dying empire collapsing around us America is my prison for life cuz I’m disabled and can’t afford to move let alone find another country that would accept me since schizophrenia/schizo conditions automatically disqualify you from most countries when applying for visas or citizenship or asylum, fun fact)

How about we don’t gaslight and manipulate the schizophrenic just for funsies y’all?? I did love the doubling down even after the opening manager also got sus of CM’s bullshit. Gaslight gatekeep girlboss your way to the top, Jarred. You go queen! You bullied a schizophrenic for *checks notes* working the same shift with you. Get fucked Jarred.

[ggukkiereads]

Hewwooo!!! Do you have any fic recs where the boy is the piner one? and oblivious!oc or something like that... it's always the other way around 😣😣 thank you so much!

🌷 Hello anon! These are what I remember.. Strangely most of them are part of my #holygrailfics which I marked with a carrot 🥕 But, everything is a must read 🥰

UNREQUITED LOVE AUs - Member!Pining

💔 Most of the stories will eventually achieve redamancy. There are just few fics here where it’s unrequited all throughout

Re: Untitled @to-star-lake - Jungkook  🥕

↳ Arranged Marriage, Childhood Acquaintances, Enemies to Lovers, CEO/Executives, Angst, Smut, Fluff [4/4][

This is really one of my favorite discoveries 🥰 At that time there wasn’t much info or even comments on the fic so if you’re not as daring to try fics out, it’s easy to assume it’ll be just a regular story. But I'm glad my curiousity won because this is such a gem. It was painful and lovely unpacking all the discoveries in their relationship (or lack of) per chapter 🥰. I swear the plot “twists” per episode made the fic extra memorable.

Frost Impressions @fortunexkookie - Jungkook 🥕

↳  Teacher AU, Gamer AU, Simultaneous (One-Sided) Enemies to Lovers,  Best Friends to Lovers, Idiots to Lovers AU, Humor, Tooth-rotting Fluff, Smut, Heavy Pining, Slight Angst [one shot]

ugh this just puts a smile on my face every time I remember this. I was just thinking about this Jungkook the other day. OC is oblivious because, well, they have this E2L thing going on. Plus he didn’t exactly give a great FIRST IMPRESSION. So many AUs thrown in but author was able to squeeze it all and produce this masterpiece. It’s just a feel-good fic 🥰

Love So Shallow @jimlingss - Taehyung 🥕

↳ Best Friend AU, College AU, eventual Roommate AU, eventual Pining [3/3]

also one of the best written OCs in fic land. Please read this gem. I still gush over how their relationship developed and you’ll see how the “pining” develops too. It’s a great Love Yourself theme too!

Paper Cranes @aquaminwrites - Taehyung  🥕

↳ Slice of Life, Childhood Friends, Best Friend AU, College [one shot]

Ugh my heart ached for this Taehyung. I don’t know why I feel bad for him (I mean, it wasn’t as if he was to be pitied) but the way author wrote his story is guaranteed to pull at your heartstrings. 

※※※※※※※※※※※※

The Key to My Drawer @jjungkookislife - Taehyung  🥰

↳ Best Friend AU, Childhood Friends, Epistolary (letter form, some parts), Angst, Smut [12/12]

I was just thinking about this the other day because we’re just waiting for the last chapter/epilogue and then I saw the notif on ao3 that it got updated. What do you do when you get hold of a key to a drawer and discover unsent letters from your best friend? All addressed to you?  It’s such a creative way to tell a story and I enjoyed this very much 🥰

(please access the rest of the chapters through the author’s masterlist)

Please Be Naked @floralseokjin  - Yoongi 🥕

↳ Rebound AU, OC is Namjoon’s Ex, Namjoon is Yoongi’s ex-friend [8/8]

“you were still a little unsure why he and your ex....had bad blood.” of course we all want to tell OC why!  Seriously, this is a classic if you haven’t read this yet.  Yoongi’s just top-tier in this. Unforgettable characterization. Even if you are not into Yoongi fics, this is a must read for bts fics in general. The angst/smut is just 👌; then read the drabbles for the fluffy future

One Thing Right by hobios - Jungkook  🥕

↳   Arranged Marriage AU, Fake Marriage AU, Childhood Friends AU, Enemies to Lovers, Police Office AU, slow burn [8/8]

So I am adding this to every fic rec list because like RE: Untitled, there’s a lot of discoveries in this fic. It’s always a question why Sheriff Jeon will agree to a marriage of convenience (I mean he’s committing fraud in a way). So it’s wonderful to discover a lot things about their story since they had a falling out.

※※※※※※※※※※※※

Roses, Poetry, and Jeon @seraphimguks - Jungkook ⭐☕💌

↳ bookstore au, enemies to lovers-ish?, fluff, slight angst [one shot]

This is just so beautiful and it is like curling up by the window on a rainy day with a warm hot chocolate. I think in my review I said the shift to Jungkook’s POV is like seeing poetry in action. Must read and instantly a favorite of mine

Tinder 2.0 @tayegi - Jungkook 🥕 🔥

↳ sex app/room, Coworker, Enemies to Lovers, Crack, Smut [one shot]

This is kind of different from the rest of this list because it’s more crack and smuttier. The pining is not as intense but it’s there. Please give this a read too. 

※※※※※※※※※※※※

Fluff and Smut @jinggabitch  - Jungkook 

↳ smut, porn star JK, OC is a fluffer, one-sided pining [drabble]

Porn star JK is in love with his fluffer. - I remember reading this months ago and I found it so cute. Though it’s just a drabble, which means the story didn’t continue on, I got invested in this JK and hoped he gets what he wants.

※※※※※※※※※※※※

Bad Influence Collection @noteguk - Jungkook  ⭐🔥

↳ FWB AU, Enemies to Lovers, Enemies with Benefits, College, Bad Boy AU, Smut [4/?]

please click the link to the masterpost so you’ll access the very first story. Maybe it didn’t start out pining at first but the recent chapters we see Jungkook getting so affected over OC (it’s mutual but I feel at this point its more JK trying so hard not to show heart eyes 😍). Ugh, the joy I feel whenever this gets updated. Still ongoing but better start on this since some chapters are over 10k+ wc.

Hot Enough @soft-sarcasm - Yoongi  ⭐🔥

↳ College AU, Fuckboy AU, FWB AU, Yoongi caught feelings (kind of Unrequited AU), Smut, Angst [one shot]

I’ve read years this years ago and when I decided to officially have a blog, it took me months to find this. It’s just memorable because usually it’s the female catching feelings in a friends-with-benefits scenario. But here, OC actually rejected him (that’s the start of the story). Please read and find out what happens next. 

※※※※※※※※※※※※

First Love @jungnoir - Yoongi 

↳ bestfriend au, OC about to get married 

so this is sad at first because it’s only hours away from her wedding but read until the end 😍

Not Yet + Almost  @bratkook - Jungkook

↳ neighbor AU, kinda fake boyfriend (on the spot) to annoy OC’s Ex [2/?]

ahh this is cute. I shouldn’t be smiling at Jungkook’s pain but it was just so cute. It’s more of mutual pining though. The first drabble is more on JK’s while Almost we get to see OC’s thoughts. So, I guess in the third???

※※※※※※※※※※※※

Pining 101 @guklvr - Jungkook 

↳ hospital au, friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, humor, fluff [drabble series] 

a collection of drabbles based on pediatricsurgeon!jk dealing with his crush on generalsurgeon!reader. Read if you’re looking for something light and humorous. 

※※※※※※※※※※※※

Sidekick @bananagukkie - Jungkook 

↳  superhero au, best friend au, fluff [one shot]

You didn’t realize that your best friend was in love with you or the fact that he was Busan’s “newest” hero.

Lifting the Veil @/fortunekookie - Jungkook 😭

↳ real unrequited love/pining, friends to lovers, smut, angst [one shot] 

so yeah I guess read this first because it sure is angsty then read other fluffy fics (like Pining 101 or Frost Impressions)

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Requiem @cinnaminsvga - Jungkook 

↳ pretend confession!au, angst [drabble]

Jeon Jungkook loves you. You love someone else. He lets you say “I love you” to him, if only so that he gets to hear it once in his life. - so yeah, let’s cry about it  😭

Unveil @nijoonie - Jimin 

↳ Arranged Marriage, Childhood Friends to Lovers

angsty tones in the beginning. Jimin is such a dear 🥺

※※※※※※※※※※※※

Best of Me @/floralseokjin - Jimin

↳ Best Friend AU, OC just got heartbroken, angst

ugh just angst all over. The ending is hopeful but still sad?

Piece by Piece @underthejoon - Seokjin x Reader x Hoseok ⭐

↳ bestfriend au, fwb au, love triange, a collection of drabbles where your love life is muddied up by two men – the one you love and the one that loves you. Smut, Angst [drabble series]

if you are not into love triangles, I think this will, well not change your mind because some people strongly dislike love triangle themes, but it’ll make the LT themes bearable. The writing is just beautiful and actually I’ve reblogged this for Hobiuary Day (one day I was on Hobi lockdown just reblogging purely favorite Hoseok fics) but I haven’t written a review or reaction yet. Read and explore their relationship dynamics 😭🥰

🌷  so, I don’ recall a Namjoon fic where he’s the one pining (usually it’s the OC). 

I had a great time recalling scenes from each fic (and what made the pining so angsty) 🥰. So, please enjoy!

.

[wipbigbang]

2021 Schedule + FAQ

Schedule

All times are by 8:59pm PST. Convert time zones.

Sign-ups Begin- April 1st

Sign-ups Close- April 15th

Check In #1- April 22nd

Check In #2- May 15th

Snippets Due- June 1st

Art Claims Begin- June 17th

Check In #3- June 22nd

Check In #4- July 6th

Rough Drafts Due- July 15th

Posting Claims Begin- July 23rd

Posting Claims Ends- August 1st

Final Drafts/Art Due- August 7th

Posting Starts- August 8th

FAQ

What is the WIP Big Bang? Good question! This is a Big Bang with one goal in mind: to clean out your drafts folder. These are stories that were unfinished for whatever reason, that authors returned to and completed, and the art that goes with them!

Do I need a Livejournal/Dreamwidth/AO3/etc. account to participate? No! You don’t have to have an account on anything to participate, though you will need to have somewhere to post your finished work. Having one or more accounts will help for you to follow what is going on with the bang (we crosspost to Livejournal, Dreamwidth, Tumblr, and Twitter at the moment), but they are not required to participate. You can always leave comments anonymously or with an opensource ID.

Will I get emails about the bang? We do send out some emails, mostly for snippets and art claims and to ensure communication between authors and artists, but please do NOT rely on getting an email to remind you of due dates. We currently do not keep an updated email list of participants, so we only send individual emails as needed rather than mass emails.

However, email is the fastest way to communicate with the mods. If you have any questions or are having trouble communicating with your artist/author, please do email us! We will do our best to respond quickly.

Is there a minimum word count? 7,500 words, but the sky's the limit, right?

What do you mean by minimum word count to enter? This is a WIP Big Bang, therefore we ask you to have at least 500 words of your story drafted when you enter. It's okay if you have posted a few chapters of your fic already (you never know when the muse deserts you, after all), we just require you to refrain from posting more until posting begins here.

Is there anything not allowed? As long as you wrote it and you want to finish it, you're welcome to participate. Just bear in mind that original work is only allowed on AO3 if it has a fannish connection and might make it hard for artists to work with. But we'll make a dedicated post for that if there will be any.

What are 'Check Ins’? These are a way for us to see what you've been up to and for you to make sure you're still on track. It will give you a little nudge/reminder if you need it, but they are not compulsory.

What are the snippets requirements? In order to allow the artists to make art for the story they claimed, we require you to supply three snippets from your fic, between 500 – 1500 words each. The snippets will be sent to the artist after they have claimed your story. They're to help the artist match your story for artwork the best way he or she possibly can. It’s helpful to choose scenes or parts of scenes that you feel best represent your fic, but don’t feel like they have to be perfect to be submitted. Along with the snippets, we will send your artist the basic fic info and your email, so the two of you can collaborate more if you would both like.

What are the rough drafts requirements? For the rough drafts, stories should be at least 80% complete. You will not have to turn them in to us, just assure us that you are at that point. Anything less is at the discretion of the mods and those authors should speak to one of the mods asap.

What is, and do I need, a beta? A beta is basically a person who goes over your work to make sure that there are no spelling/grammatical errors and they can even be of assistance in helping you with story lines, etc. It is highly recommended that a beta looks over your work before posting. If you are having trouble finding a beta, try this post.

Where can I post my fic/art? Stories and art can be posted to your own personal journal, tumblr, ff-net, AO3, or wherever you like. For those of you with AO3 accounts, we will set up a collection that will go live on the day of the posting. Also, we've enabled moderated posting to the comm (Livejournal and Dreamwidth) for members. We will post a template for posting artwork and stories to the comm closer to the posting date.

If you don’t currently have an AO3 account but would like one, you can contact the mods for an invitation code to see if they have any available. You can also add yourself to the AO3 Invites Request queue.

How do I know when to post? Posting will be tiered; you'll each get your own posting date that you and your artist will decide on together. There will probably be four fics, plus art, posting per day between August 8th and September 30th. The post with date claims will go up on July 23rd and you'll have to choose your date by August 1st.

If you want to post your story in chapters on AO3 or your own blog (or wherever you usually post), you may do so starting August 1st. However, posting has to be finished by your chosen posting date to the comm. One of the things we're hoping to do with the posted dates is to give everybody on the comm a little bragging time in the spotlight. You know, "this story was incomplete for this long, but I finished this sucker." If you don't have time to post on your chosen posting date, you can queue up a post ahead of time and we can post it on the date you picked. Either way works for us. Art will be due on the chosen posting date to the comm.

Is there a minimum/maximum requirement for my art? There is no strict minimum, but we do ask artists to remember that the authors are writing a minimum of 7,500 words and your artwork should reflect that. You can do anything you like, including banners, wallpapers, icons, mixes, vids, gif sets, picspams, etc. Suggested guidelines for art are 500x500px (or equivalent of smaller pieces like banner + spacers, cover + icons, etc.) for traditional art, digital art, and manips; 2 minutes for vids; 10 songs + cover art for mixes; and 6 images for gif sets and picspams. We also ask that when you are in contact with the author, you work with them to see if there is anything specific they would like (i.e. a wallpaper, book cover, etc.). The art is your work, but having ideas doesn't hurt!

What are 'art claims'? The claims are when anonymous summaries of the story go up for artists to choose from. It is based on a 'first come, first served' basis and artists may choose up to three potential stories (in case their first choice is unavailable). If there are more stories than artists, there will be a second round of claims wherein artists may choose a second story to work with. And on until all stories are claimed for art.

If a fic up for claiming is rated explicit (R, NC-17, etc.), please only claim the story if you are over 18 years of age. Some authors may be uncomfortable working with underage artists on explicit works. We do not verify ages in any way for the bang, so this is solely on the honor system.

Can I get an extension? Community extensions may be given in the event that the majority of the authors/artists need one. They may also be given individually under certain circumstances, but this must be discussed with the mods and will only be a short extension for posting. If you are certain that you won’t be able to finish your story in time, please let us know by June 13th.

What do I do if I have problems or concerns about my author/artist? Sometimes authors and artists do not get along and this may cause problems with working together. If this happens to be the case with you, please email the mods and we will try to do what we can so that everyone has a chance to have fun at WIP Big Bang!

If you have not heard from your author/artist in some time after trying to contact them, you can reach out to us via email and we will try to get in touch with them for you.

Can I drop out? We have high hopes that everybody who signs up can actually finish the round and share in the joy of the reveal with us, but real life can unfortunately get in the way and we completely understand! If you feel like you just cannot finish in time and no amount of assistance from us can help you, just let us know by July 13th (if at all possible).

Is it possible to be banned? We do have a banned users list. We hope to use this to encourage participants who are having issues to communicate with the mods. We want to help you! The way the ban works is that participants, either authors and artists, will be banned for dropping out without notifying a mod. This means that anyone who has not posted or talked to a mod by the time the posting period ends will be banned. Dropping out is not in and of itself a banning offense, so please do not panic if you have to drop out! We understand that there are many reasons you may need to drop, and we want to work with you.

Bans will last one round or until the issue is resolved, whichever comes first. To resolve a ban, authors will have to finish and post the story they signed up with and artists will have to finish and post the art for the story they claimed. Three bans will result in a permanent ban from the bang.</lj-cut>

I have a question/concern that’s not mentioned here. If you need help, you can always contact a mod and we will do our best to make sure that you get your story/art finished. The best and fastest method of contact is through our email, wipbigbang@gmail.com.

[bakersstreetirregulars]

BRAVER TOGETHER! CRK x BTS Collaboration

🌰 We’re all ready and good to go!

☁️ We’re live in 5… 4… 3… 2… camera… SHOWTIME!!!

⚙️ HELLO EVERYONE!!! I’m Strawberry Crepe Cookie, your higher-than-intelligent magichanical genius and your host for the Baker’s Street Newsblog’s coverage of the BTS Cookies in the Cookie Kingdom! I’m joined here by my co-host and original personality of the blog since day one, the one and only Chestnut Cookie!

🌰 Wow! This is really happening! And it’s going for almost a hundred days too, all the way through January 19th, 2023!

⚙️ Behind his smart-cloud camera of another kingdom, he’s filmed top-tier go-kart races, fights in outer space, every kind of major sport in the world, and he’s our Editor’s assistant and representative. Please welcome to the Blog… Lemon-Lime Meringue Cookie ☁️!

☁️ Hiya everyone! It’s such an awesome experience being here filming for the BTS Cookies AND the Baker’s Street Newsblog with my first friend in this kingdom since I moved in! I’m just a tad camera shy… but I’ll be there for the new and improved photo-op of our cast and Board of Directors! I’ll be your turtle’s cloud’s eye view of the concert from start to finish, no Spiny strings attached! Now let’s go down to the Cookie Bowl Concert Hall where we’ll see Jin Cookie show us how to rock the stadium!

But first, you’ll need Concert Tickets to do anything in the event, at about 15 Tickets per concert song. As of now, “Dynamite” and “Permission to Dance” are available to play from the get-go for rankings, but I’m sure more songs will rotate in later into the event.

⚙️ You see those ARMY Bombs? Those will add to your score and double as a special resource to pull from a special Crossover Gacha. Use the arrow buttons to switch lanes and collect them, as well as other jellies and gold coins worth 5 coins each after the song ends. The more items you collect, the higher your combo!

🌰 Just like in Ovenbreak, use the Jump and Slide buttons to collect more jellies and dodge obstacles! Collisions will lower your Energy further and further. Collide too many times, and the game’s over!

☁️ Once you make it to the stage, it’s showtime! Get those rhythm gaming skills (or lack thereof) at the ready and click the notes as they align with the outlines for even more points! If the note is attached to a line, hold down the note and release it when another note on the other side of the line crosses the outline for multiple notes!

If you collide with an obstacle or miss a note, you’ll lose your combo and you’ll have to start all over again.

Once you’ve finished the song, you’ll get a score and rank depending on how you did! Get an A or an S rank and you’ll unlock a higher difficulty level for a chance to get even MORE rewards! If you’re feeling extra funky and happen to be short on time to not do more than one attempt, then try cashing in multiple Concert Ticket entries before you start to multiply your repeat winnings! Although you could buy more if you wanted to, you can get one back for free every 20 minutes to a limit of 100 before they stop refilling.

BTS Crossover Gacha

⚙️ You’ll need ARMY Bombs to pull from the gacha and have the chance to meet the BTS Special Cookies, find their soulstones, unlock their Special Costumes, and even get special decorations that produce even more ARMY Bombs during the event! Certain decorations were designed during the “Tales of the BANGTAN Kingdom” videos on the CRK CookieTube channel, so definitely look at those for context for how each member of BTS designed them!

🌰 The special decorations even play BTS music through September 2023 when highlighted! Each pull also collects mileage points that can be redeemed at a special BTS Mileage Shop for the Costumes, Soulstones, and any decoration in the collab event! Meet all seven BTS Cookies to unlock an extra item heading full of useful stuff!

(The lights go out)

⚙️ WHAT THE-?!

💀 HEHEHEHEHEHE…! The B.A.D 4 awaits…!

[moveobjectsonblogs]

Zodiac Challenge

Welcome to the Sims 4 Zodiac Challenge!

This idea came to me in a dream after a month of um-ing and ah-ing over whether or not I should start my very own Sims inspired Youtube Channel.

This is also inspired by the Not So Berry Challenge over on my queen, lilsimsie’s page, since I recently started playing that myself and found myself engaging with aspects of the game I never used to before. 

SO, the Zodiac challenge... It’s a legacy challenge inspired by Zodiac traits*, aspirations and careers with a little extra spice to keep the story moving along.  

*Please keep in mind that this is not a direct reflection of Zodiac traits, but merely an inspired challenge based on some common information surrounding each sign and a need to make a workable legacy challenge. I love all you little start signs out there equally and I believe we all have some positive influences on society as a whole. 

Okay, okay, cut to the chase already. Here are the rules of the challenge: 

No excessive money cheats (freerealestate is acceptable, as well as moderate transfer of household fees when a sim moves out) 

You have full control over CAS for your sims/partners/children, however traits are to remain according to challenge 

The color attached to each generation/sign needs to be visible on all sim outfits as well as in household, but you can decide to what degree

You can create looks inspired by the signs, but again, you can decide to what degree 

Make it your own! Where a generation requires pack-specific traits, aspirations, careers etc which you do not own, please substitute and come up with your own unique spin on it!

If a skill, aspiration, or career is listed, the expectation is to MAX IT OUT!

Please tag me! I want to see your videos, characters and creations on this

Generation 1 - Aries / Red - The Go-Getter

You start out as a runaway teen, trying to make it in the Big City. You believe you have what it takes to be the next National Leader, and the City is the place to be! You have a quick temper and a fiery personality, so in order to appear calm in the public eye (everyone wants a piece of you!) you need to practice Wellness every day. You don’t have time for marriage, but your PR Manager advised you it would look good for your political career to adopt!

Traits

Hot Headed

Self-Assured

Ambitious

Aspiration

Leader Of The Pack

Career

Politician (Politician branch to become National Leader)

Skills

Charisma

Wellness

Additional Requirements

Reach Level 3 Fame

Must have no biological children, only adopt

Don’t have a good relationship with child/ren

Never marry

Never retire 

Generation 2 - Taurus / Dark Green - The Loving Nurturer

All your life you tried to get the approval of your always-too-busy presidential parent. You were pawned off to day-care, baby-sitters and after-school activities to fill your time and never knew what a parental figure or family time was. You were told to always appear perfect in terms of good grades, a good university degree and a stable career but in your heart all you ever wanted was love! You spend quality time with your children and your greatest pleasure is helping them grow and succeed in life. You believe in taking the time to grow your own produce in order to eat only the healthiest food and other sims would describe you as ~earthy~.

Traits

Foodie

Family Oriented

Romantic

Aspiration

Big Happy Family

Career

Freelancer (any branch you want)

Skills

Parenting 

Gardening

Additional Requirements

Marry your High School/University sweetheart

Have minimum 3 children 

Work part time in order to help children with meals & homework everyday

Generation 3 - Gemini / Yellow - The Open-Minded Adventurer

You loved your cozy (some would say sheltered) and unconventional upbringing with your earthy parent and many siblings; however, you want to see the world and all it has to offer for yourself! You love people, creativity and being busy and you want to see it all, try it all and be it all. Thanks to your loving mom, you were always made to believe you can be whatever you want in this world. You can never sit still. Due to that, you have many different careers, many different worlds you live in and many different lovers...You’ll try anything once!

Traits

Outgoing

Adventurous

Creative

Aspiration

Renaissance Sim 

Career

Any 3 (as per Aspiration)

Skills

Flower Arranging

Video Gaming

Fitness 

Additional Requirements

Have a love child before marriage 

Have 3 failed romances before marriage 

Move to 3 different worlds in lifetime 

Generation 4 - Cancer / Grey - The Intuitive Gossip

You want a nice and normal life, no surprises, everything as it should be and in the right order. You want to settle down, and live an uneventful life. But when do plans ever work out like that? You earn a university degree in something sensible, and you follow that route with determination; however, you’ve always been described as psychic by those who know you, and you always have the dirt on the town folk. Finally, late in your life you understand that this ability can bring in some serious cash. You switch to the social media career and always work from home to protect your identity from those who’s secrets you spill. Who would ever suspect you, the nerdy Brainiac who barely speaks up? xoxo, Sims Girl

Traits

Neat

Unflirty 

Materialistic

Aspiration

Academic

Career

Initially something connected to Degree, but switch to Social Media (Internet Personality Branch) in late Adult Life Stage 

Skills

Logic

Writing

Media Production 

Additional Requirements

Attend university (Business or History degree)

Change careers when in Adult life stage to Social Media Career

Always work from home

Marry for convenience and not love (not attracted to partner)

Have no relationship with child/ren

Generation 5 - Leo / Gold - The Romantic Star

Your life growing up was boring. Your mom and dad were the least romantic people ever and everything was cookie-cutter perfect (and devoid of any emotion) growing up. So, from a young age, you throw yourself into movies and get lost in the romantic, passionate and fairy tale aesthetic of it all! You move to Del Sol Valley straight after high school to try and make it as a big star and start your own fairy tale! But it turns out not all fairy tales are perfect, and you have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince/ss!  

Traits

Cheerful

Self Absorbed 

Romantic

Aspiration

World Famous Celebrity

Career

Actor/Actress 

Skills

Acting

Singing 

Additional Requirements

Move to Del Sol Valley straight after high school with very little money (10K max)

Cheat on 2 different partners

Date both genders

Generation 6 - Virgo / Beige - The Critical Perfectionist

Owing to your famous parent, you always attended red carpet events with the best food imaginable. Let’s face it, you always thought your taste was just a touch above everyone else. And when you’re good at something never do it for free! Your dream is to criticize others and earn a pay check for it.For you, life is about experiences, perfection and having something to show for it in the bank account. You want to wear and eat the finest things!

Traits

Perfectionist

Genius

Snob

Aspiration

Fabulously Wealthy

Career

Critic (Food)

Skills

Gourmet Cooking

Mixology

Additional Requirements

Marry a famous sim or a sim at the top of their career

Have a house worth over 100K

Have 1 child

Generation 7 - Libra / Pink - The Classy Advocate

You grew up in a very classy home, with only the finest things. You believe in the value of beautiful art, intellectual discussions and physical beauty. From behind the thick, gilded window panes in your childhood mansion, you always witness the injustices of the world and felt a calling to help those without a voice.

Traits

Materialistic

Art Lover

Outgoing

Aspiration

Party Animal

Career

Law (Any Branch)

Skills

Charisma

Violin

Additional Requirements

Attend university, join the debate guild

Marry a sim you find extremely attractive

Volunteer weekly

Own art pieces worth over 20K

Generation 8 - Scorpio / Black - The Beautiful Empath 

You’re a sweetheart deep down and you find beauty in all things physical. Where your parents saw beauty in materialistic things, you see beauty in yourself and others. You always dreamed of perfecting your own body as a testament to your intense passion towards your goals. You meet a beautiful partner along the way and together, you create a perfect image of love, beauty and emotional intensity.

Traits

Jealous 

Active 

Romantic

Aspiration

Soulmate

Career

Athlete (Bodybuilder career)

Skills

Fitness

Mischief

Additional Requirements

Marry a sim seen as extremely attractive

Have 1 child minimum and encourage active side (from toddler to teenager)

Go on a date night with your partner every weekend

Generation 9 - Sagittarius / Purple - The Traveling Spy 

You’re fun to be around and can never sit still. You’ve used this to your advantage to lure people into trusting you, and you have friends all over the world! Little do they know, you’re a secret agent with some top-tier missions to accomplish. Your passion for love and romance means you have a few slip ups and made some (unexpectedly great) mistakes along the way. You can’t ever be tied down. Keep it moving, blend in with the locals and you’ll never get caught!

Traits

Non-Committal

Adventurous

Cheerful  

Aspiration

Serial Romantic

Career

Secret Agent (Any Branch)

Skills

Comedy

Photography

Additional Requirements

Live in Mt. Komorebi and Sulani in lifetime – dabble in local culture and activities  

Have children from both of the above worlds with one of the locals

Never marry  

Generation 10 - Capricorn / Brown - The Idealistic Pragmatist

You’re smart – scary smart. You are a quiet, intelligent soul and you love to lose yourself in the mountains when life gets overwhelming. You approach life with military intelligence, routine and perfection and never thought you could meet someone who cracked through your tough exterior. When you do meet them, you marry them after the first few dates and start your family. Your partner adores you and your family and quits their career to take care of the large brood of kids and animals in your rustic, outdoorsy home.

Traits

Loner

Genius

Loves the Outdoors

Aspiration

Extreme Sports Enthusiast

Career

Military 

Skills

Pet Training

Logic 

Additional Requirements

Marry a spouse after a maximum of 3 dates

Have spouse quit job to raise children

Have 4 children minimum

Go Climbing/Hiking or do Snow Sports every weekend

Generation 11 - Aquarius / Blue - The Outspoken Activist 

You grew up with nature and animals taking preference over technology and humans. Therefore, you are sickened by the state of the world that humans have created and you decide to pursue a green future. You are all for eco living, off the grid lifestyle and conserving the environment for generations to come.

Traits

Vegetarian

Green Fiend

Creative

Aspiration

Eco Innovator 

Career

Civil Designer (Green Technician) 

Skills

Fabrication 

Logic 

Additional Requirements

Live in Evergreen Harbor (all 3 neighborhoods) and convert all to Green Eco Footprint

Live off the grid at least once

Adopt children and animals until household limit of 8 is reached 

Generation 12 - Pisces / Light Green - The Creative Overthinker 

You’re a dreamer and you want to heal everyone. Due to your parent’s ideals growing up, you want to make a difference... but you also want to create art and move souls. You tend to internalize your dreams and fears and as a result often feel misunderstood. You move around as a doctor trying to heal the world and as a result, love is last on the list of accomplishments.

Traits

Creative

Gloomy

Loner  

Aspiration

Painter Extraordinaire 

Career

Doctor 

Skills

Painting 

Baking 

Additional Requirements

Have no friends apart from future spouse

Gain fame through paintings  

Marry for the first time as an elder

Never have children

Live in all worlds through lifetime

[neproxrezi]

Are you participating in the proposed dbd boycott to get them to do a game health update?

yeah, i wasn't sure at first caus "dont play the video game for a brief period" isn't going to work but "this company has put all its eggs in one basket and they are frankly quite neglectful of said basket, everyone stop buying anything ingame for 3 months" has me interested

more than 'fix the bugs' or anything else like that what i want to see out of the game is them being less god damn stingy with cosmetics (you should not have to pay $10 for ONE FUCKING COSMETIC) and addressing the grind. holy shit the grind in this game is so rough and it could be fixed fairly simply (i'm in favour of removing perk tiers, to cut a long post short)

hold on im gonna complain about dbd under a cut caus itll get long, i love this game so much but oh boy it has issues

it's been said a million times already but dbd's grind made more sense when there were like 4 or 5 characters per side, there are now over 20 and each new one introduces 3 perks to each side

I want to write about the grind in this game for a moment. There are 95 survivor perks in DBD. Every perk has three tiers. Some of them are great, and many are kind of pointless. Realistically, I'd bet you're only going to see about 15 of those perks in action in most of your games. However, if you unlock a perk to be taught to other survivors (which I tend to do even if I don't particularly want it, out of a mix of completionism and a 'may as well get it out of the way' kind of thing), you can't get rid of it. It's in your bloodwebs forever. 95 perks. 285 perk tiers. Let's talk about how long that takes to claim.

You buy a new character in the next chapter. You have every teachable perk unlocked. The new chapter really excited you, and you want to claim every perk on the new character (who I am going to name... Doug), so you saved a lot of bloodpoints in advance. In fact, you played for days and days and saved the cap, which is a million bloodpoints. You buy Doug, after much excited testing him out in the PTB. You spend all million points on Doug. Doug is now about level 35 to 40, out of 50. Hm. Well, time to keep playing. The bloodwebs kind of gave you a bunch of crap stuff on Doug, and you don't feel like running Power Struggle, Ace in the Hole, Babysitter and Breakdown, so you can't play Doug yet. You go play someone else.

Solo queuing as survivor is a mixed bag, and your games range from getting 10,000 bloodpoints (pretty rough game where everyone got wiped) to 27,000 (a great match, maybe with a bloodpoint offering). You save enough to get Doug to level 50. In the later levels, you start being able to get two perks a level instead of one. Let's say from level 1 to 50, you collect a total of 65 perks, because I don't remember exactly when it starts offering 2 per level. Okay, there are 220 perk levels left. Because of the game's propensity for giving you the same perk over and over to get you lots of perks at level 2 out of 3, of those 65 perk tiers you've probably got something like 20 to 25 actual perks. You're missing like, 70. Best case scenario, the ones you picked up include a lot of what you want. Most likely, you've got like half a good build and some gimmicky crap to slot in alongside it. Worst case scenario, which has happened to me plenty of times, you have like maybe one good perk and a pile of gimmicky crap. So. How long is it going to take you to get what you want?

There are 220 perk levels to go. After level 50, the webs are all the same size. It costs about 50,000 points to level up, and you get two perk levels per bloodweb. That's going to be 110 webs to get everything for Doug. Which is 5.5 million bloodpoints. Oh no. How many points were you earning per game again?

If you play with friends, you're probably going to do better. I find this to be true even if me and my friends are playing without voice comms or anything, because I just sort of know these people a bit better. I know my friend who mains Lisa Garland is a hook-diving bastard, so I don't need to go rescue anyone. Ace, god bless him, makes batshit altruistic plays, so I certainly don't need to go protect my teammates when he's out there doing things like this. I think I'm just going to sit on generators in the distance, think about our final gen spread, and try get us out of here. I'd say if I'm playing well, and accounting for offerings and WGLF stacks, with friends I average 30,000 a match and by myself I average 20,000. Playing killer I average more like 60,000, but playing killer is a bit stressful sometimes and I'm very indecisive about actually queuing up for it, so I probably actually get bp faster as survivor. I'm going to call the average per match across everything 25,000, because for every good game there are plenty where you underperform, or things just go drastically wrong. To earn 5.5 million points like that, you're going to have to play 220 matches. A game, including queue times and whatnot, can take ten to twenty minutes. That's... that's going to take a while. And that's ONE CHARACTER.

Now, on the survivor side you only really need to do this once. They're all just reskins of the same gameplay loop. On the killer side, you need to re-earn those perks for every new character you want to try out, because they're all different. Miiiiillions and millions of points. Hundreds of games. I have no problem with the game having a grind, but at this point it's absolute insanity.

In my opinion, removing perk tiers would cut the grind down to a reasonable level. There'd still be a grind, which I'm completely comfortable with existing, but it wouldn't be excruciatingly long, and you wouldn't have to spend as long dealing with bad perks.

HOWEVER, on top of that is the fact that they just. Holy shit the game updates slowly. I don't want to blame them for that in a way of like "these developers are incompetent and lazy", I really do love DBD to bits and I'm sure they do work very hard on it. That said, its update cycle is really slow. Reeaally slow. I wish they either had a bigger team, made balance updates faster (a handful of perk adjustments once every six weeks is... very very slow) or something to just try make the changes faster. Even when things do change it always feels so anxious and tentative, I wish they'd experiment more often. The time they disabled bloodlust to see what happened was really cool!

Yeah in short I just hope the grind gets addressed more than anything else, caus that's the part I actually think there's a relatively straightforward solution to. Also, I never got to play the older events where you could do shit like earn cosmetics, but they sounded way fucking cooler than the new ones. The halloween one last year was absolute shit, it's weird that their special events would get worse over time rather than better.

Buuut I agree with Scott Jund that the Resident Evil chapter was bad news for DBD's long term health because the one thing that would really give BHVR a kick up the ass is competition, and every time they land an amazing licensed chapter they become harder to compete with. They have an absolute monopoly on asymmetrical horror, and I honestly think the game would be in a better state right now if they had some competition >:[

[lionews]

Guide to GB

hi ;0 sorry it’s me again. I noticed that maybe yesterday or the day before, there was a discussion on how people made GB without buying any, and a lot of people mentioned event stuff. That usually requires a bit of research (if you’re just getting started on lioden) and can be overwhelming. So this post is for anyone who needs it—anyone who is new to event grinding and trying to step up from being a casual player, or just trying to make a few more bucks.

In almost every month, new apps will be released, and typically those will sell well out of season… but there are a few hot items that will always be almost always be on SOMEONE’S radar, and I’ll tell you about them now!

—–

Mod note: You should probably post this on a public blog so it can go into the Lioden tag. We don’t post in there incase people don’t want to see our blog. Or even in the forums.

January - January’s event is mostly filled with decor, but save up your SB a month or so in advance, because when the 3rd tier is unlocked, you can buy some pretty neat stuff that sells well later on! Lion meat can be purchased at T3 in the event shop for 2000SB! If you hold onto it for later, you can make 8-10GB per meat! Prices tend to shoot up during February, so if you wait to get full worth, you could be earning 13-15GB from a 2000GB (about 2GB) investment. As always, branch prices ALWAYS fluctuate, so forgive me if my ranges are a little off. But typically, that’s the general profit you can make from lion meat.

Then, MOD Overgrown Fur can be purchased for 4000SB when Tier 4 is unlocked! Popularity varies among players, but it’s definitely something you can sell… personally, I would invest more in lion meat, but it’s up to you!

In January, there is also the Boneyard! Save up your LB because digging about in the yard or donating skulls can get you a selection of three items, which can be quite useful if you know what you’re looking for.

Vulture eggs, broken drones, giant tortoises, leopard orchids, MOD: Primal, and lion meat may appear! You can then purchase them with event currency!

Vulture eggs and broken drones sell well in bulk. Giant tortoises on average sell really well for about 1-2gb MOD: Primal varies, again, around 10-15gb is what I’ve seen post-January. And lion meat was mentioned above!

Oh! And you’d be surprised… don’t skip out on those leopard orchids! They might seem a little lame, but you can sell them for 1gb! And holy COW they sell fast! Why? Because the normal auto-claim on a lioness in explore is 2gb, so players will jump on those leopard orchids for 1gb each! I’ve sold mine recently in under 5 minutes, it was surprising!

February - February is a special chaos. I’m not kidding, every bit of your event currency will be desired sitewide.

Tier 2 in the flirt shop allows access to honeycombs—which can be sold fast for 1gb… though they have an expiration date, so maybe not the best investment since prices drop in February. You can also find Grains of Paradise (GOP) which guarantee at least 2 cubs in a litter! These will sell out of season for up to 21GB from what I’ve seen, but prices will fluctuate and crawl up and down. Regardless, you’re looking at about a 8-15gb profit on average depending on what the branch prices look like.

Tier 3 in the flirt shop and slap shop, my friends, is where it gets wild. Buffalo balls, which guarantee at least 3 cubs in a litter, will be available along with an item called Yohimbe bark, which chops 1 day off of a lioness’ breeding cooldown! Out of season, yohimbe barks sell for around 12-15gb each! And Buffalo balls, which are always in high demand, can climb from a price of 6gb during February to 16 to 20gb! Later on by summer, buffy balls can reach as much as 25–and I’ve seen as much as 45gb… a big leap! So hold onto them. And again, prices will always fluctuate, so don’t hold me firm on these prices if you don’t see them please ;;;

Apps, again, vary depending on the community opinion on them… once more, all newer apps will sell well. Personally, I find the February apps gorgeous, but if you want to make quick sales after February and make the most of your event grinding, I would invest in breeding items.

In the slap shop, there are lion scrotums when T3 is unlocked! They guarantee a 25% chance of passing a mutation on… though this does not account for hybrids. Dwarves require these in order to pass on their mutation, and double uteruses do as well. DU and dwarf breeders will always be on the lookout for these! But prices on these make me narrow my eyes. Buffy balls can be used for all lions, but lion scrotums are only useful if you’re breeding dwarves or DUs. Thus, buffy balls will almost always sell faster than lion balls from my personal experience—but that doesn’t mean lion scrotums aren’t worth buying! Due to their slightly higher price compared to buffy balls in the event shop, they tend to sell for just a bit more than buffies do! But bewarned that come the May event, I believe, they will become available once more in an event shop.

March - March brings in more decor than it does breeding items, but there are still ways to profit! While you might be tempted to snag the newest apps, hold off and try to gauge the public opinion… for example, recently Hirola was released… and it seems sort of meh, so you won’t see a big demand for it. It’s the base apps that are involved involved in combo-base breeding that are the key!!! The ivory base can be used in two combo bases as a factor: Soul and Madagascar! So pick up that One With Giants app! It can be resold for a fair amount!

April - April is another event heavy on decor, but there are at least a few nice things! Egg yolks in the event shop will be heavily desired by stat breeders, so you can pick up those to sell—beware they also have expiration dates. Personally, I think the real good stuff is in Wenet’s shop! Doing her quests grants you hare points to spend. Stocking up on roasted lambs is a very good idea—these double your energy gained for 8 hours!!! They’ll be floating around during April for 1-3GB on average. And if you hold onto them until February, they shoot up in demand and can go for about 12-16gb each! It’s not difficult to pump out at least 8-9 roasted lambs during April, so that’s a few extra $$ in your pocket if you’re patient enough!

May - In May you can purchase red bulls, which are similar energy boosters like roasted lambs! These sell well, and as mentioned previously, lion scrotums make their return! Also, there is a chance to obtain male groupies, which are heritageless lions like NCLs that can be used to replace your king and essentially make it a G1! These sell for fairly good prices throughout the year due to people changing/replacing kings! Make sure to patrol them or freeze them on your side account (so they don’t age too much), and you can fetch quite the pretty penny depending on the market. I once, out of season, bought a heritageless groupie, one of the only few remaining on TC, for 75GB. Do I regret not waiting? Yes. Is it too late to cry? Totally.

June - June. Lovely June. Side with one of the deities or gods or whatever during the event, and once you finish their story line, you’ll get a base applicator that typically is worth a decent amount of GB out of season depending on which one you’re selling. Let it be noted that anubis, bast, seth, and sha are ALL factors of a combo-base, which is why combo-breeders will be willing to pay a good sum of money for those apps. Check the lowest branch price if you’re looking to sell!

July - Pack your bags and get ready to grind hardcore again, July brings a new base that usually has breeders scrambling to obtain, and there are also GORGEOUS backgrounds and decor to buy. Not only that, but for shards in the event shop, you can buy applicators that ALL sell fairly well. Well… mane apps might be iffy. But let me point out a few things worth snagging: Sunrise markings! Sunset markings! These two are almost ALWAYS going for a jaw dropping sum, I’ve seen 40-70 each, but DONT hold me on that please.

Curse of divine is a combo base factor for Elysian, a fairly popular base. Snag it! Touch of demiurge is a gorgeous base, and it sells pretty well! Grab that if you want!

And of course, whatever new comes out, make sure to gauge the audience… though in July, most everything new is going to be a good investment.

August - August is a pain in my opinion. Grinding DB to buy buffy balls is rough. But let me mention the stuff to invest in! The peddler allows you to buy vulture eggs, broken drones, and lucky feet—all of which sell nicely in big quantities.

I failed to mention this in April, but lucky feet will be in an abundance. SAVE THEM. Lucky feet are used to automatically win battles, and they come in handy for October, which is heavily combat based!

Buffalo scrotums and Grains of Paradise also make their comeback at the peddler, though I can’t give you a good price range on those. I will say that by August, the market for breeding items gets a bit dry, and so prices will be higher—much higher than they were in February.

September - September is good for one thing, and only one thing… actually scratch that—two things, and only two things primarily. GMO cows and ochre gnawrocks. Anyone playing lioden long enough knows that GMO cows are a big item used in mutation breeding, it ups the chance GREATLY of getting a mutated litter—even moreso than lion meats do. These things are WHACK. They sell for 45-60GB out of season, and in February, MANY people will be trying to buy them. Ochre gnawrocks guarantee the passing of a specific marking. Rosettes are very hard-to-breed markings due to their low pass rates, and mottled rosette is a hybrid originating marking. Thus, ochre gnawrocks will go for big bucks out of season, especially during February. 45-60GB is the common price that I’ve seen, although one year it was wild enough to reach 80GB. It all depends, but regardless, both items are good to grind for.

Oh! And in the Harbringer’s shop, there are black stallions, which sell well for 1-4GB all year long. They essentially guarantee that a lioness gets pregnant once for a breeding. This is very helpful to people breeding low fert lionesses like hybrids. Although, angelic blessings do a longer lasting job and sell for more… more on that later, you can’t get those during this month.

October - Then comes October, the battle-oriented event that I mentioned previously is what you should be saving your lucky feet for.

Let me try to get this all down. There is a general shop in which you can buy applicators and decor, and quite a few of the base apps in the shop are factors for combo bases. For example, Unholy is involved in 3 combo bases! And blazing is in another. Fiery is also in one, and I really can’t go into specifics because I’m not a big combo-breeder, but a quick google can give you the idea.

Then, you can side with heaven or hell, in which you’ll collect the respective currencies for whichever one you might go with. In heaven, you can get Angelic blessings, which as mentioned previously, are like black stallions. However, when you equip them to a lioness, they’ll get pregnant no matter what their fertility in one go for as long as they live/are using the blessing. Be warned that removing the blessing, which “acts” like a decor, will cause it to be used up. You won’t get it back, it’s a 1-use item. These sell well for 10-15gb out of season.

Shadows of death are what you can purchase in Hell’s shop. This will shorten your lioness’ life by 1 day—which in turn also removes a breeding cooldown day. These sell fairly well for about 10-14gb out of season! Surprisingly enough, I would say they get used fairly frequently—although the idea of killing your lioness might make it hard to believe.

Then there’s the manticore shop, where you can buy things like fermented marula fruit, medlar fruit (good for cub training to 100% immediately), dove feasts, RMAs, and crunchy worms. Dove feasts can be crafted in February, RMAs can be purchased at any time in the Oasis all year long, and medlar fruit on the market is a bit shakey considering that it’s not hard to train a cub to 100% without items. The real market investment here are the crunchy worms, which give a 25% of producing a clone cub of the mother in a litter. Again, these will sell VERY well out of season, especially during February. I don’t feel confident on giving a good price estimate, but as I’m writing this, the average price appears to be about 30GB, and it is early April.

November - Deep breaths, we’re almost done! November is where you’ll mostly be saving your event currency to buy the newest released base app or decor. I recommend saving your herbs, because I believe November is heavily herb-based. Giant tortoises are also available in the shop!

December Here we go, most all December event apps are HOT HOT HOT! And the jolly pose in the event shop is also fairly desirable! Save for those Jolly poses, and save for that newly released base, marking, whatever. Many of the bases in the event shop here are used in combo-base breeding.

I should note that spicy ice tends to have year-round popularity! It’s a factor for a whopping 4 combo bases! That’s a lot!

Along with that, frostbitten markings seem to have a decent amount of popularity, though things always always fluctuate. Check lowest branch prices, and with newer apps, always scan the community for the general feedback before investing.

And that’s it for event stuff!

Here’s the biggest advice of all…

If you want GB fast, sell the items listed above DURING the events.

If you want to make a profit/get rich, sell the items listed above MONTHS AFTER the events!

[detective-giggles]

Simply Delicious

A Barisi ficlet for the Archive’s rule of three challenge. The prompt words are: stack of books, salted caramel sauce, pushing.

Barisi’s relationship told through food they share. Warnings: none; except for the food talk.

Word count: 1686

1. “Hey, Barba.” Sonny paused in the doorway, juggling two deli sandwich boxes and a cardboard carrier with two coffees. He had a messenger bag slung across his body and he was dressed down, in jeans and a hoodie. “I brought some dinner and caffeine reinforcements,” he explained needlessly, holding up the food.

Rafael watched in silence as Sonny crossed the room in half a dozen long strides, placing their dinner on the conference table, and then dropped his bag into the empty chair next to the one he was going to occupy. Rafael nodded absently, distracted by the detective. He was always surprised at how young Sonny looked when he was in casual clothes, despite the silvery strands of hair that threatened to betray him. “What? Did I spill?” Sonny looked down and brushed at the front of his sweatshirt.

“Huh? No, I, uh, sorry, I guess I just needed the break more than I thought.”

Sonny flashed a smile that was all dimples and Rafael wondered if his eyes always sparkled so blue.  “Well get over here, then. We’ll eat and you can take a little break.” Sonny pushed both boxes over. “I didn’t know what you wanted, but you can pick which one you want and I can eat the other.”  

Rafael paused in front of the sandwiches. “They both look good.”

Sonny laughed. “Good thing I had them cut in half then, huh?” Sonny took half of each sandwich, piling them on a napkin and Rafael did the same.

“How much do I owe you for dinner?”

Sonny waved a dismissive hand. “Don’t worry about it, you’re doing me a favor.”

Rafael snorted. “You’re giving up your Friday night to help me research. For a case you weren’t even involved in. I think you’re doing me the favor.”

Sonny shrugged. “Yeah, well... law school.”

“How’s that going, anyway?” Rafael asked, taking a large bite from one of the sandwiches.

“Um, good. It’s harder than I thought, with work.” Sonny shrugged. “But it’s almost over.”

Rafael ate while Sonny talked and Rafael found himself intrigued by the younger man’s stories. Sonny’s voice was hypnotic, even with that accent. They talked long after the sandwiches were gone and Rafael actually found himself disappointed when Sonny tossed his garbage in the bin and reached across the table, pulling over the large stack of books so they could both reach.

“Do we have a plan?”

Rafael looked at the mound of motions wrapped in bright blue and rubbed his temple. “I suppose burning these and running away to Cabo is off the table?”

Sonny chuckled, “yeah, probably.”

“Teamwork, then?”

Sonny smiled, “I think that’ll work.”

2. “I’m not one to turn down coffee. Ever. But this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind when I said I’d buy you a drink to celebrate.” Rafael looked around the small, local coffee shop Sonny had suggested.

“Hey, Barba!” Sonny smiled brightly.  “I, uh, actually I’m on call so I can’t drink tonight.”

“Okay, well first, we’re not at work, so you don’t have to call me ‘Barba’. And we could have done this a different night.”

“Nah. Then the excitement would have been gone.” Sonny bounced on his toes once, then again, but stopped abruptly when Rafael chuckled. Sonny usually had energy to burn anyway, but he’d been riding the high of the adrenaline rush since this morning when he found out he’d passed the bar.  And then Rafael had suggested hanging out, just the two of them, to celebrate and Sonny thought he was going burst.

“Go grab the table over there and I’ll get your drink. What are you having?”

“Oh, uh, my usual. They’ll know.” Sonny waved a hand at the blonde behind the counter before hurrying over to the last open table in a corner of the shop.

Sonny spent a few minutes responding to texts, offering congratulations or condolences to classmates. Rafael joined him quickly, carrying two coffees, and a plate with a large slice of the shop’s specialty cheesecake, topped with a dollop of whipped cream and a generous drizzle of salted caramel sauce.

“Thank you, Rafael.” Rafael handed him a fork and they each took a bite, marveling over how delicious the dessert was. It was rich and decadent - the perfect celebratory treat for Sonny’s victory.

“So, how does it feel?” Rafael took a sip of his coffee and leaned in, bracing his forearms on the table.

“Good! I mean, I can’t believe it. The past few months, all I have been able to think about are the questions I didn’t know. I still kind of feel like I’m dreaming, you know?”

Rafael laughed and reached out, gently pinching Sonny on his wrist. “Still think you’re dreaming?” He asked, his hand lingering, touching Sonny’s forearm.

Sonny looked down. Rafael’s hand was soft and warm, and Sonny ached to know how it would feel on the rest of his skin. He swallowed hard and nodded. “Kinda. This is, um, definitely too good to be true.”

Rafael rubbed the back of Sonny’s hand with his thumb. “Well, let’s just see about that.”

3. Rafael opened his eyes slowly and squinted against the bright sunlight, slightly disoriented. The sheets were rough on his bare skin and the mattress was slightly lumpy.  It took a few moments for him to realize he was at Sonny’s place. This wasn’t the first time they had slept together, of course, but it was the first time they had spent the night together.  It had been a long time since Rafael had shared a bed and slept tangled up in someone else - and he had to admit, he didn’t hate it.

Rafael rolled over, expecting to feel the firm body of the detective next to him, and was disappointed to realize he was alone.  He flopped back onto his back and tucked his arm behind his head. He wanted to call Sonny back to bed so he could spend all day cocooned in the other man’s warmth. But he could smell bacon and, more importantly, coffee, so he knew Sonny wouldn’t be joining him anytime soon.  

Rafael climbed out of bed, trying to find his clothes strewn about Sonny’s not-quite-messy bedroom. He located everything except his shirt, which he realized was probably still on Sonny’s couch, before heading into the bathroom.  Sonny had left him a towel and toothbrush on the counter. Although he didn’t shower, he brushed his teeth and washed his face and headed out to join Sonny in the kitchen.

His shirt was where he expected and he grunted a quiet greeting as he slipped it over his head.

“Hey, Sleepyhead.”

“Are you always this cheery at seven in the morning?”

Sonny laughed, “Unfortunately yes. I grew up with three sisters and one bathroom. I learned very quickly that I needed to get in there first and the habit stuck. But here. Your own cup of cheer.” Sonny handed him a large mug of coffee and silently turned back to dicing his potatoes.

“Thanks.” Rafael sipped his drink, cradling the mug in both hands. He sat on a barstool, watching Sonny intently.  He chopped efficiently, and Rafael marveled at the uniform cubes of starch, all perfectly bite-sized.

“Wanna help?” Sonny asked, rolling over another potato.  “I mean, you don’t have to,” he added when Rafael hesitated.  It wasn’t that he couldn’t cook, per se, it was just that he was a little clumsy with a knife and he didn’t want to spend his Saturday in the Emergency Room getting stitches.

“I shouldn’t handle anything sharp until after my second cup of coffee.” He murmured, sipping again.  

Sonny chuckled as he scooped up a handful of potatoes and tossed them in the skillet. He pulled a batch of bacon out of the pan, laying the slices on a paper towel-covered plate before adding a few more slices to the pan.  

“You’re really not a morning person, are you?” Sonny leaned on the counter and draped an arm across Rafael’s shoulders. Rafael grunted again and Sonny laughed, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Tell you what; stay awake a little longer, we’ll have breakfast and then we’ll go back to bed.”

“Back to bed?”

“Yes. We can stay there all day.” Rafael didn’t say anything, but he savored his coffee and smiled.

4. “Don’t. Sonny, please,” Rafael pleaded softly. “I’m begging you.”

Sonny just chuckled as he put one hand in his pocket and slipped the other around Rafael’s waist, pulling him in close. The pair smiled as they took their obligatory pictures behind their three-tiered monstrosity and then Rafael stepped back, shooting another desperate look at his husband. Of all the wedding traditions, this was shaping up to be Rafael’s least favorite.

Sonny grinned playfully and his eyes twinkled with mischief as he grabbed the knife off the table. Rafael rolled his eyes and sighed and put his hand over Sonny’s, helping him cut a neat slice of cake from the middle tier. Sonny put the cake on a plate and took half, pushing the plate towards Rafael. He turned and smiled for another picture, oblivious as Rafael scooped up an obscene amount of buttercream in his fingers.  

Sonny turned back. “I love you,” he murmured, reaching out to offer Rafael his bite of cake.   Rafael did the same, his hand hovering near his husband’s face. Sonny obediently dropped the cake in Rafael’s mouth, careful not to get any crumbs on his suit, then grinned. Of course, he had no intentions of smashing wedding cake in his husband's face, but the threat of it was too fun to ignore.

“I love you, too.” An almost wicked smile crossed Rafael’s face as Sonny leaned in for his bite. Rafael caught him off-guard and, before he could react, managed to smear frosting on Sonny’s nose, lips, and chin.

Sonny paused, stunned. “I should have seen that coming, huh?”

“Oh yeah.” Rafael smiled, clearly pleased with himself.

“Sneaky, sneaky. Is that really how we’re starting our marriage?”

Rafael nodded and wiped at Sonny’s face with a napkin. “Happily ever after.”

Taglist: @itsjustmyfantasyroom @moderateshouting

[himbeaux-on-ice]

Can I just say that Habs “fans” who act like Carey Price’s contract is somehow patient zero of all this team’s problems drive me absolutely fucking insane? Seriously. Buckle up. This is about to be a rant.

Now. First things first. Is it ideal that the $10 million goalie is currently uh, not doing very good? Fucking NO! I am disappointed as shit with that and I don’t like seeing him struggle. I know he can be better. He has to be better. Obviously.

However. That being said.

Do I think it’s an incredibly stupid look to spend several tweets complaining about all the issues Habs defence have been having, and then also griping that they haven’t started Jake Allen enough for how he’s performing, only to then for some inexplicable reason state that the FIRST THING, the first thing that needs to be dealt with after the new coaching staff have had ONE GAME (and zero practices) to work on things, is somehow “well, the ten million dollar man in net is weighing them down, that contract has gotta go!”?

Yes! That’s stupid!!

I think that’s a very ice cold small-brain take, and not just because Price is my favourite of favourites for as long as I’ve been a hockey fan! I have reasons, dammit!! I put THOUGHT into this!!

Here, dear ppl of Habs twitter who will never read this, are some reasons why this narrative you’re concocting is dumb, and why management/coaching are unlikely to think of trying to ditch Price mid-season to fix the current problems:

1: Time. It has been one (1) game under Ducharme. He has been able to run zero (0) full practices on off days with the team. We just changed up a major piece on the Habs chess board — why don’t you give it a minute to see what fresh eyes and minds can do with this roster before you decide we are fucked? This season is fast-moving, sure, but there is time for us to ride out some little bumps here and still make a playoff spot in this Canadian division. Have patience. Do you remember what patience is? Dom is a new head coach, not a wish-granting fairy godmother. Chill. Do you remember chill?

(rest of this under a cut because I actually LIKE Habs Tumblr, and I want to be nice to you all by not making you scroll past all of it if you don’t want to)

2: Jake Allen exists. There are a couple of things I like for what this means for the Habs. Firstly, for basically the first time in his NHL career, we are not in a situation where if Carey Price is in a slump, we have to go “Ah, shit, so now our options are let his stats tank while he tries to get the groove back in net, OR throw whoever the poor backup is out there to get murdered while we plummet through the standings.... 😬” We don’t have that problem right now, because the backup is... actually good? Oh my god, the backup is actually good! Thank fuck! We’re not doomed. If I’m Ducharme, I put Allen in net for a few consecutive starts to put a solid backstop behind all my fun experiments I’m probably planning with the skating roster (to catch their slip-ups, while also giving Carey lots of time and rest with which to work hard on sorting out whatever his issue is along with the goalie coaches).

2b: Jake Allen exists and is competition. Hell, if I’m Ducharme, maybe I even play a little hardball and say “Look, Carey, I don’t want you to be an expensive benchwarmer, but if things don’t pick up soon I am going to start whoever is doing best and you will have to compete for that net.” Related to my last point, when was the last time Carey Price had to push himself to compete for net time against anything other than his own injuries, and wasn’t simply always the default starter? Has that EVER been a thing? Honestly as much as I love the idea of him being The Goalie for the Habs, I also kinda like this idea a lot because I think it could really push him to a higher standard of performance. Maybe that kind of high-pressure situation (given how much he thrives in the pressure-cooker of the playoffs) could be what he NEEDS in order to Be Carey Price again. Worst comes to worst, he doesn’t respond to that challenge, and I am very sad but the Habs have a good goalie in net anyway, because Hallelujah, Jake Allen exists! God, isn’t it nice to have Jake Allen? Bless him.

3: Money. Guys, this league is so broke right now. Seriously. Seriously. Nobody has any fucking money. The Habs probably have more money than most teams, and that does not help when it comes to offloading large contracts. Trades are a NIGHTMARE both because of the flat cap but also because travel is complicated (especially cross-border) but also nobody wants to trade within their division if possible because all your games are against them. Who in the name of fuck do you think is jumping at the idea of taking the $10 million per through 20-lots-and-lots-of-years-from-now contract of a goalie who is currently struggling, impressive past record aside? What kind of astral plane of fantasy hockey are you on to think there’s a trade out there for that within this season. Shut up. And no, don’t bring up the expansion draft, this post is a rebuttal SPECIFICALLY to the people who think that Price and his contract are the biggest problem that needs to be dealt with RIGHT NOW and first on the list of ways to immediately remedy the team’s struggles.

4: Spite. Specifically to piss you off, bud. You personally.

5: Knowing how to troubleshoot properly. Fellas, if my computer is running slowly and freezing up a lot, do I immediately decide the first step to fixing it is to crack open the chassis, remove the hard drive, and try to sell that hard drive to someone to see if I can enough money back to somehow get a better hard drive for less? No, dipshit. That’s not how troubleshooting a complex system works works. It’s the same with hockey teams. Ah, my star goalie is not performing great. This situation is deeply less than ideal. If you’re actually good at troubleshooting, the first thing you do is not “WELL. I GUESS WE’LL HAVE TO THROW THE WHOLE GOALIE OUT. HE’S TOAST.” The first thing you do, if you’re a smart coach, is you say “Okay, what are my defence doing in front of him? What are they doing to reduce the amount and quality of our opponents’ scoring chances? Oh. Oh, they’re taking a lot of penalties, and... oh, uh, some of this is very not great. Yikes.” And then you start your work by trying to make the defence actually work instead of running the same Pairs That Everyone Is Very Much Over And Tired Of, because your goalie is actually supposed to be your Last Line of Defence. And maybe during that time you give more starts to Goalie Who Is Absolutely Slaying It, so that when you start trying new D-pairs and they inevitably have some mistakes, it doesn’t immediately turn into an Oh God Holy Fuck moment every time, because that last line of defence backstopping them is solid. The reason you need to deal with defense first is because a) You know you have a reliable goalie (Allen) in your pocket right now if you need him. What you don’t have is a whole-ass proven and tested and practiced Backup D-Core you can swap into the roster in front of your goalies to make their lives easier. Fix your defense and it WILL improve your goalies, even marginally. Defrag the hard drive before you ask why it’s not working. and b) If you need to go looking for any new D-men to solve the issues, those are WAY easier and cheaper to find than top-tier goalies, and you always want to start any troubleshooting process with trying the simplest solutions first to hopefully save time and money. The better that D-core is, the less it fucks your team over if the goalie isn’t feeling themselves, because the D is going to stop more of those pucks before they ever even become the goalie’s problem. FIX. DEFENCE. FIRST. Then try to train your goalie back into top form. THEN explore your other options.

6: The vicious cycle. Guys. We literally do this once every year or second year. EVERY time Carey Price has a slump, this fanbase gets into a tizzy like the Bell Centre is burning down and he was the one with the matches. And what ALWAYS happens literally within the year, every single time? He gets his mojo back like he did last summer in the bubble and goes on a heater and everybody goes “JESUS PRICE!!!! 🙌” and is ready to name their firstborn kid after him. Until eventually that performance becomes unsustainable, and he becomes mortal again, and suddenly he’s The Real Problem With This Franchise once again. I know he’s the guy they chose to build the team around instead of a superstar forward, but oh my god folks. You’d think he was the only player on the team. Guys, I feel like fucking Sisyphus pushing a blue blanc et rouge boulder up Mont Royal once a year with this shit. This man’s entire career has been a constant seesaw narrative between “Carey Price is our saviour!” and “Carey Price should be exiled to Nome!!!!” from parts of this fanbase, I swear. Look, slumps suck, but for once we are actually lucky enough to be in a position where this team, for the first time in YEARS, does not solelylive or die by the inscrutable magical cycles of Carey Price’s goalie powers — because when he has to step back and work to get back into his groove, there is FINALLY a SECOND GUY who is GREAT. Honestly, given that the state of this team for so long has been “they will go as far as Carey Price can take them” and he has put in a pretty fucking decent job of it despite all of the team’s other struggles, I feel like it is owed it to the guy to be like “Okay, well, we have somebody else solid to fill the net right now, and a chance to really figure out our defence and special teams with this new coach. Why don’t you take a step back and work your ass off at trying to get back into the form I know you can still perform at, and we’ll go from there?”

Anyway. Some parts of this fanbase have been waiting for a fresh excuse to claim Price is overrated, washed-up, and to blame for all of this team’s flaws and ills ever since he signed that contract, if not since the start of his NHL career. Just unreal how nasty some of this fanbase is willing to be about a player who is ON. YOUR. TEAM.

Am I saying he is beyond critique of his play and can do no wrong and his contract is perfect? No! I want this team to have the best goaltending it can get, and I want them to kick ass and take names. The difference is, I still believe Carey Price is a part of that winning formula, and I also think Twitter is overflowing with idiots who just repeat what everybody else says. He’s still a better goalie than your ass would be if I stuck you out there to stop shots from Mark Schieffle, for crap’s sake.

“The first thing that has to go is Carey Price’s contract 🤪”. Shut the fuck up. You are actively making other people stupider by talking. Go eat sand. Good day.

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms Far Sides #6: Ciel

Today on Fate and Phantasms, Magical_Biche and I bring you the final of Tsukihime’s heroines, Ciel! Her build breakdown is below the cut, and you can find her character sheet over here. I’ll let Biche do the talking now.

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Hello there! Today, we’re building the last of the main girls, Ciel. I’ll admit that I’m not the biggest Ciel fan, so I kinda delayed her until I had no other choice, and here we are! I had to finish the main heroines before moving on to the villains, after all. As usual, heavy spoilers beyond this point. 

At first glance, Ciel might seem quite straightforward, but she’s far from being simple to build. She shows plenty of abilities, many more than Arcueid or Kohaku, actually. I even learned a bunch of things in the Type-Moon wiki, like how she could use magic. However, I know how reliable that wiki is, and I’ve mostly built Ciel with my own experience of the games, and tried to stick to it. I will also have to do Powered Ciel, as she’s quite different from OG Ciel, and certainly simpler to build. While Shiki Nanaya/Tohno and the three different forms of Akiha aren’t too different from each other, Ciel offers a whole new dimension in her alternative form. 

As for what we need for this build, we need to be skilled at fighting with our staple weapon, the black keys. As they don’t exist in DnD, obviously, we’ll have to stick with daggers. We also need a bit of hypnosis, to blend in with normal people, and we need to be quite fast and agile, to fit our fighting style of swift strikes. We also need to be an absolute beast at tracking and slaying vampires, of course. Finally, while we can’t be immortal, there are ways to avoid death in DnD, and we’ll try to grab some. 

With all that said, let’s dive into the build!

Race and Background

Despite being an immortal vampire, the variant human is the race that fits our character the best. We look exactly like one, and we used to be one, despite our immortality curse. Being a v. human allows us to put a +1 to our dexterity and constitution scores, and to grab the Fey touched feat, giving us a free use of Misty step and Charm person per day, as well as increasing our wisdom score by 1. Those 2 spells are quite useful to us, as one allows us to literally teleport behind enemies, and the other allows us to charm people and have them accept us as a part of their daily life. Being a variant human also gives us a free skill proficiency, and we’ll be taking the proficiency in perception, as we can’t grab it otherwise. It fits our role perfectly, as we’ll often have to search for our foes. 

Next, we are quite obviously an acolyte. This gives us a proficiency in religion and insight, perfect for doing religious stuff (we’re still employed by the church, after all), and finding whether people are secretly vampires or not. We also always have a shelter for the faithful, allowing us to take shelter in religious buildings, always nice, but situational. The two language proficiencies are entirely dependent on the game, but abyssal and celestial fit a religious character quite well. 

Ability Scores

Sadly, we can’t exactly have 4 stats at 15 from the start, so we’ll have to be toned down a bit. We’ll have to use point buy for this build, as we need many ability scores to be quite high, and we don’t really need the other ones. First, our two highest stats should obviously be our wisdom and our dexterity. We are very agile, and we have an easy time to understand other people. We are also extremely determined. Next, our constitution should be pretty high. However, thanks to our classes, we will have a hefty pool of HP, so we don’t really need to have our constitution too high. 13, with our racial boost, puts us at a comfortable +2, enough to tank hits for a while with our good AC. Next, we have quite average intelligence and charisma. We’re not particularly bad at those, but we’re not really good either. Next, we dump our strength. We’re actually quite strong, but we need a dump stat, and strength isn’t of any use to us. With point buy and our racials, our stats would be an 8 in strength, 16 in dexterity, 14 in constitution, 10 in intelligence, 16 in wisdom and 10 in charisma. With that set, we’re on to the class levels. 

Class Levels

1. Monk 1: Naturally, with high wisdom and dexterity, a religious background and no visible armor, being a monk seems obvious. First level monks get proficiency in two skills, and we’re going to be proficient with athletics and acrobatics. This will add a lot to our mobility, be it for climbing or jumping over people. We also become proficient with strength and dexterity saving throws, great to avoid being pushed around the battlefield and avoid dangerous AOEs. Next, we become proficient with a bunch of weapons, but we’ll only ever use our bare fists and daggers, as we have ways to mitigate their low damage, as monks. Finally, we get proficient with the cook’s utensils. We’ll obviously only ever do curry, but we need to be good at making it. 

Our first monk level also gives us our martial arts-allowing us to be efficient at hitting stuff quickly-and unarmored defense, giving us a quite decent AC of 16 right off the bat. 

2. Cleric 1: Of course, as we were raised by religious people, we are tailor-made for the cleric class. Level one cleric gives us spellcasting, including the powerful tool that is ritual casting, and access to all of the level one cleric spells, as well as three cantrips from the spell list. We’re grabbing word of radiance, to add a bit of radiant damage to our sacred arsenal (preferably used right after hitting something with a thrown dagger), resistance, to help with survival, and thaumaturgy, a great dramatic tool to have a louder voice, or have our eyes radiate light. 

As for the first level spells we should have prepared, shield of faith helps with AC, cure wounds allows us to heal quickly, protection from evil and good gives us a powerful defensive option against our not-yet-sworn enemy, and guiding bolt is a great way to start a battle and give advantage to our allies. 

Next, being a first level cleric also means that we can pick a domain, and we’re a cleric of the grave, because of our sacred task of tracking the undead and putting them back into their grave. The subclass gives us an improved version of spare the dying, adding to its range and allowing us to cast it as a bonus action. It also means we always have the false life spell prepared, which does a great job at making us less mortal, and bane, which doesn’t really fit in our build, as we’ll have more and more concentrations as we level up, and we’ll already want to spend ours to maintain shield of faith or protection from evil and good. We also get the circle of mortality feature, which helps us revive our fallen allies with cure wounds. Finally, our eyes of the grave allows us to detect any undead within 60 feet of our person, as long as they’re not magically hidden. This is a great tool to track vampires, who are obviously undead. 

3. Cleric 2: Being a second level cleric gives us our channel divinity feature, once per rest. As with all clerics, we can use it to turn undead, a great way to turn ghouls created by our sworn enemy. As a cleric of the grave, it also allows us to pave our foes a path to the grave, giving them vulnerability to the next attack it suffers from us or an ally. This is a great way to bypass some annoying immunities, but it sadly only lasts for one hit. If our DM allows it, we can also use our channel divinity to harness divine power, allowing us to recover some spell slots. As it is dependent on our proficiency bonus, we don’t need any more cleric levels to make this powerful, which is great. 

4. Monk 2: We’re diving back into the monk to reach our extra attack, this time. We get our first ki points, allowing us to do a bunch of stuff with our bonus action. We can use patient defense to boost our survivability, flurry of blows to deal a bit of extra damage with our fists, and step of the wind to move a bit during our bonus action. Our speed also increases a bit thanks to unarmored movement.

5. Monk 3: We enter the second tier of adventuring with that level, and the third level of monk gives us our monastic tradition, the way of the long death. This gives us a nice little ability to mimic the immortality we are supposed to have, the touch of death. This allows us to gain a bunch of temporary hit points when we kill a creature while in melee range. Pretty neat! We also gain the ability to deflect missiles, which does what it says, and if our DM allows it, we can also get the ki-fueled attacks, allowing us to still keep on the offensive while we spend ki points.

6. Monk 4: Reaching our fourth monk level gives us our first ability score improvement, and we’re pumping up our dexterity by two points. We also get slow fall, furthering our agility, and yet another optional feature we actually need, quickened healing, allowing us to heal ourselves with a martial art die by spending ki points. 

7. Monk 5: Fifth level monks gain an extra attack, which increases our damage output a lot. It’s a simple feature that fits our fighting style of throwing things, as we now do it faster and better. We also get the stunning strikes, which may be useful to stun creatures that have bad constitution saving throws. We also get our final optional feature with focused aim, another great feature to help hitting stuff, if our DM allows it. 

8. Fighter 1: Now that we are actually good at hitting stuff and not dying too quickly, it’s time to become better at throwing! We become a first level fighter, allowing us to take the thrown weapon fighting fighting style, at last. This allows us to draw our black keys (daggers) as part of our attacks, which means we can now use our bonus action for whatever else. Like throwing another black key. It also gives all our thrown weapon attacks a +2 bonus to their damage, which is very nice, as our martial arts die is still only a d6. Being a first level fighter also gives us a second wind, which allows us to regain some HP on a bonus action, nice for our gimmick of not dying. 

9. Fighter 2: Our second level in the OG martial class gives us an action surge, basically giving us a second action per turn once per long rest. With that, we can throw as much as 5 black keys in a single combat turn, which can down a boss pretty quickly. It only gives us a second action, though, so we can’t use a second bonus action on top of it. 

10. Fighter 3: We get a third level in the fighter class so we can reach exactly one feature from a particular subclass. It’s not that eldritch knight’s spellcasting is bad or out of character, but we’re mostly here for the other feature, weapon bond. Thanks to weapon bond, we can bond with up to two weapons and recall one of them in our hand as a bonus action. That basically means that we can have unlimited ammunition, which is totally awesome. However, we can only recall one weapon per turn, which limits us if the combat is too long. 

Also, this archetype gives us 2 wizard cantrips, and booming blade will really help with our melee damage. It sadly doesn’t work with thrown weapons. Also, even though we clearly don’t have the intelligence to use it correctly, sword burst can be used to materialize a bunch of black keys around us to hurt anyone at our contact. 

As for our first level spells, we’re getting absorb element, giving us resistance to elemental attacks and allowing us to increase our melee damage a bit, shield, which is always great for a character whose survival is a selling point, and find familiar, which lets us call our faithful Nanako to help us. Not that she will, but having her here can be useful to tank a hit or two. Also, we’re forced to make her a rat or a weasel, unless our DM is generous and feels like allowing her to be a horse, like she’s supposed to be. 

11. Ranger 1: Yes, we’re adding yet another class to this build. Multiclassing into a ranger gives us a new proficiency, and we’re now someone who’s good at survival, which makes sense, given that we can survive in harsh environments. We also get the favored enemy feature, and we’re picking undead as our favorite enemy, because… they are. Our favorite enemy, that is. We’re taking this feature over Tasha’s variant, favored foe, because of the flavor, and that’s about it. We lose in efficiency, and that’s about it. We’ll still get hunter’s mark later, so it doesn’t matter too much. However, it makes much more sense to take the optional feature for the other trademark ranger feature, deft explorer. That feature is quite simple and gives us an expertise in a skill of our choice, in our case, acrobatics. 

12. Ranger 2: Our second level in the ranger class grants us a new fighting style: two-weapon fighting. This can be used with thrown weapons, which means that now, all of our attacks with thrown weapons can add our dexterity modifier to them. It also works when we hit things in melee, by the way. We also get yet another round of spellcasting, with the ranger’s unique spell list this time. We have fewer options, and a lot of them require concentration, though. 

We’re taking hunter’s mark, to add a nice little d6 to pretty much every one of our hits, to increase our ability to kill undead (and other things), and zephyr strike, which works perfectly with our hit-and-run tactics. 

13. Ranger 3: With this level, we reach our fourth and last class archetype. We become a monster slayer, giving us access to a new spell we already had (but now it’s always prepared, so it allows us to prepare another cleric spell instead), protection from evil and good, which makes us extremely hard to hit by our favorite enemy, among other things. 

While we’re in spells, we learn a new spell, which is going to be jump, making us even more agile than we were. 

We also gain a hunter’s sense, allowing us to peek into our target’s defenses. We also get the slayer’s prey feature, which acts like a watered-down (as it’s limited to once per turn) hunter’s mark, that can’t be upcast, but since it’s not a concentration, it can be cast with hunter’s mark. Also, the time limit is until our next short or long rest, which is great if our target manages to escape, for example. 

14. Cleric 3: Back into the cleric class for the last time. Third level clerics only gain access to their second level spells. However, there is plenty of great options there, like enhance ability, which obviously helps us moving around with the cat’s grace, or tank hits with the bear’s endurance, lesser restoration, allowing us to recover from many status effect affecting us, and hold person, which could be seen as us pinning down things with our black keys. At that point, if we add all of our spellcasting features, we are considered a level five spellcaster, meaning that we have 4 first level spell slots, 3 second level spell slots and 2 third level spell slots to use. We don’t know any third level spells to use our biggest spell slots, but we can always upcast guiding bolt and absorb elements. 

15. Monk 6: Back into our main class for the rest of this build so we can get decent martial arts dice. The sixth monk level makes our unarmed strikes magical thanks to ki-empowered strikes. This is nice in a low magic campaign, but in a regular campaign, magic daggers should be pretty common. Plus, we already have booming blade and a bunch of spells to deal magical damage already. We also gain a new subclass feature, hour of reaping. With this feature, we can literally scare off creatures that fail a saving throw, which fits our build quite well, actually, as we do not want bystanders to be caught between us and our prey. This can also be used to scare some undead, too. 

16. Monk 7: Seventh level monks gain the evasion feature, making us extremely difficult to touch when it comes to most damaging AOE spells. Needless to say, this fits our agile and resilient build quite well. We get even more resilient thanks to our stillness of mind, letting us end a charm or fear effect as an action on our turn. 

17. Monk 8: We become level eight in the monk class, and reach our second ability score increase… at level 17. Since we can’t exactly fit feats into this very varied build (not that we need to, although tough would have been great), we’ll have to increase our wisdom by two points this time, so we kinda keep up with our other party members when it comes to casting. 

18. Monk 9: At level nine, monks can finally walk on walls and water! It’s nothing too fancy, but that means we can now jump on walls, walk on them and take our enemy by surprise, which is incredibly cool. 

19. Monk 10: At their tenth level, monks become immune to disease and poison, thanks to their pure body. It’s about time we had this in the build, since we’re supposed to be immortal. 

20. Monk 11: At last, we reach the eleventh monk level. We only get one feature, in theory, which is mastery of death, which lets us not die up to eleven times per short rest, which means we are essentially immortal for up to 11 attacks. Yes, it’s that good. It’d be even better if we’d taken more monk levels. But we also get a “passive” improvement at this level: our martial arts die becomes a d8, which means our puny daggers now deal 1d8+6 damage when they’re thrown, and we can throw them up to 3 times on regular turns. We’re not even bad at hitting stuff in melee too thanks to booming blade and sword burst. 

Pros: Thanks to monk levels and 2 fighting styles, our black keys are a deadly weapon we can pretty much spam everywhere, making us effective at both close and medium range. We’re also quite mobile thanks to jump, being a monk, our single use of misty step, zephyr strike, hold person and booming blade. We also get a pretty good AC thanks to being a monk, and we’re quite the cockroach thanks to our monk subclass, healing from second wind, healing from the cleric spell list, false life, resistance, shield, absorb elements… Next, we also have a ton of ways to rack up damage, with booming blade, hunter’s mark, Slayer’s prey and Zephyr strike. Finally, we have quite a lot of useful class resources, including 11 ki points, 4 hunter’s sense and the ever powerful action surge. 

Cons: However, we’re clearly not a perfect being. We had to limit our constitution because of how little ability score increases we could grab. Also, mixing the cleric and ranger spell lists means that we have a lot of concentration spells. We also have an almost useless spell with sword burst, which uses our bad intelligence stat, but fits our theme so well. Finally, our bonus action is quite crowded, and we’ll most likely rarely ever use our potential 3 attacks per turn, since we have to set up hunter’s mark and recall weapons from time to time.