#i was obsessed with it and the ending broke me
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Second Chance — Itachi Uchiha
[🌸] So, in my writing class I had to practice different points of viewI've done that before but it's fun as fuck haha
characters: itachi uchiha
genre: a type of angst ; fluff in the end (?)
warnings: none ; modern au ; fem! reader ;
reader, is referred as: 'love, sun, refuge...' yes, yes, it is cheesy but girls I don't know your name 🗣️🗣️🗣️ the day one of you tells me your name I will make the character call you that way, haha
...
..
.
The night had fallen with a calm, silent chill, like a blanket that covered everything it touched. Itachi was driving his car, focused on the wheel, but his mind was elsewhere. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, his love. Eight years had passed since she disappeared from his life, and every day since then had been a quiet battle, an internal struggle to understand how he had let her slip away.
He had made too many mistakes, but the biggest of all was letting her go. He thought he had time, that she would always be there, but life taught him in the cruelest way that time does not forgive anyone.
She, who had been his sun, his love, his refuge in a world that demanded too much. But in his arrogance, in his obsession with work, with keeping his life neat and under control, he had let the only person who truly mattered fade away. And now, there was no way to stop the pain of losing her.
'What if I never find her again?' he thought, tightening his grip on the wheel. 'What if she's gone for good?'
When he saw a familiar figure walking on the sidewalk, he could hardly believe it. It was her. His heart skipped a beat in his chest, and doubt disappeared in an instant. Without thinking, he parked the car sharply, leaping out of the vehicle and rushing toward her, not caring what anyone might think of his reckless behavior.
The cold night bit through his coat as he ran toward her.
"It's you…" he whispered her name breathlessly, and when she saw him, her eyes widened in surprise. But what struck him the most was when he saw who was next to her. A child. A young boy, no older than nine, who looked at Itachi with curious eyes that seemed strangely familiar.
Itachi stopped in front of her, his gaze fixed on the child. 'What does this mean?', he thought. The boy looked up at him, unafraid, as though he recognized him from somewhere, which left Itachi even more confused.
"I…" his voice trembled, and she stood silent, unsure of what to say, though her eyes spoke volumes of years of pain and resentment. It was she who broke the silence, her voice soft but firm.
"Why are you here, Itachi?" she asked, her tone distant, as if she were still carrying the scars of what had happened years ago.
He didn’t know where to start. He couldn’t explain in words what he was feeling. There was only one thing he could do. He stepped forward, quickly pulling her into his arms with the urgency of someone who had lost everything and just wanted to get back what little was left.
His love, clearly surprised, tensed in his embrace, but in the end, she didn’t pull away. The hug lasted longer than either of them expected, charged with a mixture of repressed emotion and guilt. When they finally separated, the two of them locked eyes for a long moment, as though trying to find an answer there.
"I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I don’t know what I did. I didn’t know how to value you. I thought I’d lose you if I opened up, if I told you how I felt. I didn’t know how… But I never stopped thinking about you. Every day, every damn day, the only thing I wanted was to be with you." His voice was low, sincere, full of regret.
His love looked at him in silence, her eyes sweet but tired. She couldn’t forget what he had done. She couldn’t forget how he had let her go, how he had discarded her without a second thought. But there was something in his eyes, something in his tone that told her he was no longer the same man he had been back then.
"Do you really feel that way, Itachi?" she asked, her voice almost broken. "Because if you had done this before, I wouldn’t be here… Not with him…" She gestured toward the boy, who was still watching them with curiosity, as if not fully understanding the situation.
Itachi turned his gaze to the child. At that moment, something clicked inside him. The boy’s eyes… it was like looking at his own reflection. The surprise hit him like an electric jolt.
"Is… is he mine?" he asked, though the answer was already dawning on him. The boy smiled shyly, looking at his mother and then at him.
She sighed deeply, as though her whole life had been condensed into this one moment. "Yes. He’s your son, Itachi. When I left… I was pregnant with him. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to think I was saying it for your money. I didn’t want you to think that I was just another woman who wanted you for what you had."
Itachi felt like the world was crashing down on him, but not in the way he expected. He had lost everything: her, him, the chance to be a father in the boy’s life. All because of his lack of courage.
"… I… I’m so sorry."
She looked at him silently, her face a mixture of contained emotion. "I don’t know if I can forgive you, Itachi. But… he needs to know who you are. And you… you have the right to be part of his life, if you truly want to be."
The boy, in the meantime, had been silently watching the scene. Finally, he stepped forward, looking at Itachi, and without thinking too much, he fixed his gaze on him. "Who are you?" he asked in his innocent voice, his tone so pure it cut through the tension in the air. "You look just like me. Are you… my daddy?"
Itachi, for the first time in years, was left speechless. How was he going to explain everything he had lost to a child so small? How could he possibly do it right after all the damage he had caused? But it didn’t matter. What he did know was that he wasn’t going to let him and her go this time.
"I’m… I’m your dad", he finally said, his voice soft, more vulnerable than he had ever sounded.
She watched him in silence, her face a mixture of emotion. "He’s a good boy, Itachi. Just… promise me you won’t let him go, that you won’t leave him like you left me..."
Itachi nodded slowly, understanding that he hadn’t just lost her, but had let go of the chance to be the man she needed. But if there was anything he could do right now, it was to be the father their little one deserved and prove that he was worthy of a second chance to be her partner and her husband in the future.
"I promise", he murmured, his voice firm, though full of vulnerability.
Their little boy, seeing that both of them seemed to reach an understanding, smiled, unaware of the full gravity of the situation. But something inside him told him that from that moment on, his life would change forever and that it would no longer be his mother and him against the world.
...
Extras ;;
"Mom, is this man— my dad going to live with us?" your little son asked innocently, after a while. Clearly confused with the idea of where the man who said to be his father could sleep.
You on the other hand looked at him and, for a moment, smiled tenderly. You bent down to stroke the little boy's head. Though you laughed when you saw his curious look.
"Maybe, little one. Maybe"
#itachi uchiha#itachi x reader#naruto#naruto shippuden#itachi#itachi uchiha x reader#itachi x you#uchiha itachi#uchiha itachi x reader#different povs#naruto x reader
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ARCANE CAME OUT 3 YEARS AGO TODAY
If you thought I was obsessed with Tokyo Revengers BOY!
I was never interested in arcane the time I saw my sister watching it
To me it looked like game walkthrough, so I ignored it shamefully. Not until I seen the end of episode 6 when the firelights came through and kidnapped Vi. I was SOLD.
I can’t tel you how many times I have seen episode 7, it was unhealthy at one point.
Did I watch the show because I was in love with Ekko? Yes, but I found it to be much more.
Arcane is a masterpiece and did something a show hadn’t done in awhile. The story writing was so thought out, every detail mattered. The characters were so dimensional, not just the main characters but the side characters as well, everyone had their little piece of the story. The way they wrote women, CHEFS KISS.
They broke their backs with this one, I’m not gonna lie.
When it was revealed that it would be 3 YEARS, for season 2, I damn near threw up. I honestly didn’t think I’d make the whole 3 years but here we are, we are HERE. struggling? Yes. Depressed? Yes. Horribly unhealthy, why yes, but we are here nonetheless and we are victorious and season 2 comes out Saturday🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
I’m very actually terribly scared for all the bullshit that will unfold but
#arcane#league of legends#ekko arcane#ekko#ekkojinx#ekko league of legends#arcanine#netflix#jinx arcane#jinx#timebomb#vi arcane#artwork
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I just finished ch.4 of Saudade & I need to lay down for 15 minutes I am gaggGGED. The world building is incredibly creative, a highlight for me! Is there something that inspired you to write saudade, like a book or movie?
Keep it up never stop making stories or else😠💖💖!
Hello angel!! I'm glad you like saudade, thank you so so much!!
I took a bit of inspo from Vampire Knight (the manga), about how only a specific "kind" of vampire can turn others into vampires, and the bit where drinking the winter lord's blood can keep a regular vampire "sane". The other stuff came from my brain, though most of it doesn't stray away from common vampire lore :) Also the sound the servant marionettes make? It's supposed to sound like Sasori's puppets from Naruto. I just couldn't think of anything else lmao
#fic:saudade#idc if y'all will judge me but i loved vampire knight :(#i was obsessed with it and the ending broke me#if you want to look into it i recommend reading the manga only bc the anime sucks
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what was with cameron house md she spends 90% of the episode saying she wants their patient to die bc he's a genocidal dictator and her colleague husband says "babe it bothers me for ethical reasons that you want our patient to die :(" and she said "hm maybe you're right :/" but when it comes down to it the genocidal dictator lays a finger on her in an aggressive manner and chase instantly commits medical malpractice to murder the guy and then when he tells her she LEAVES HIM bc boo hoo he's a murderer now like GIRL he killed a man for you!!! he's wracked with catholic guilt!!! he's being crushed beneath the weight of his sins because he chose his devotion to you over his devotion to god!!! he literally could not get any sexier at this moment in time!!!
#girl what are you doing......#also just in general she did not deserve him honestly he was so good to her and for WHAT#just to be abandoned at peak devotion and guilt and hotness 🙄#girl get OUT of my way i'm stronger than you#if she cared she could fix him or make him worse but i could love and support him no matter what 😌#his muder is a part of him and its SEXY#robert chase#house md#malpractice md#i know the actors broke up irl or whatever but wtf.....#i should have ended my rewatch w their happy lil wedding at the end of s5#s6 everything instantly goes to shit#and stays shitty#chase should be happy fr#he's supposed to turn into house basically but they should have made him the well adjusted version of house#like how nightwing is the well adjusted version of batman#anyway i have no real point here i just lowkey dont like cameron bc of this arc#also her obsession w house is so weird i wish they hadn't made that a thing#this has been a shitpost#anyway she left chase at the absolute peak of his sexiness wtf.......#anyway since this apparently needs to be said its not that deep this is a silly post if you send me hate messages i wont answer#i block and ignore anon hate bc i am too busy touching grass to be rude to strangers over a tv show
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Thinking about the convolution of Eleventh Doctor's expressions of love for River Song in Season 7B. He does not trust Clara. He is utterly (wrongly) convinced that he and Clara are playing a grand manipulative game together. “What are you, eh?! A trick? A trap?!!”
So naturally, the last thing he should do in this game is to clue his opponent in on something that could be used to hurt him. Something like River, so painfully near the end of their time together, whose data ghost he can always see, who “it would hurt too much” to acknowledge. He can't let Clara know of the loss which constantly floods his senses; (“You are always here to me. And I always listen, and I can always see you,” he professes, once Clara has vanished into his timestream).
And yet. River fills his every moment (irregardless of any sneaking out for dates with increasingly-young Rivers while Clara is asleep like he did while the Ponds slept, which would explain his absence when the TARDIS is hiding Clara's bedroom). Even though it's not strategic, he can’t help but tell Clara about her. The best defense he can manage is to phrase it as if River isn’t as important to him as she is. Not only is avoiding her first name in his grief; he's also completely avoiding pronouns; which seems extreme given that he's still mentioning her as often as: “Oh yeah, of course he has! Professor Song! Sorry, it's just I never realized you were a woman.”
Leave out the emotion — leave out the details — don't show the cracks in the armor — play the part — win the game.
“Well, there's no point now. We're about to die. JUST TELL ME WHO YOU ARE.”
#I mean we KNOW that the doctor immediately started pouring his hearts out to Clara as soon as NotD ended <3#Clara tells the war doctor “he's always talking about the day he did it” okay so he's always talking about it starting after the prev ep#eleventh doctor#river song#clara oswald#words by seaweed#yeah I know the implication in Name of the Doctor is that eleven is two-timing them / worried abt Clara being jealous. which. eh. maybe.#but I like this better. also both things can be true if we want them to be#eleven is in SUCH a bad way in Season 7B too he needs to be held#“I thought it would hurt too much and I was right” ever think about how Clara was there for in the deepest moments of his grief?#whether his sad victorian cloud… on the Last Day… or on the day he was finally able to say Rivers name. he thought it would hurt too much#Tia made a really insightful post recently about how eleven can’t speak rivers name when she's gone and like. god. yeah.#it also made me think about. who would he even talk to River about? if he could? after years on a cloud drowning in her present nonpresence#ever think how if HoRS had happened before Hell Bent he never could've dealt with it and coulda broke the universe for River instead#Series 9 was a continuation/escelation of eleven's (and next twelve's) “he hates endings” - endings for Amy and Rory. for River. for Clara.#he hit rock bottom. and then Clara saved him#“You said memories become stories when we forget them. Maybe some of them become Songs.”#thank you Clara <3#one episode later:#“When the wind stands fair and the night is perfect when you least expect it but always when you need it the most- there is a Song.”#bc this is NOT to undervalue the Doctor's love for Clara he has a Duty of Care she's more Breakable than him (also than river!)#but it can it really be a coincidence? bc he is talking abt river in the second one. unless Moffat is obsessed with Song imagery? I MEAN
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"i hated owen for all/most of s1 i only started liking him in s2" weak. i liked owen since he got choked against a wall by an angry woman and then told her he wanted to shag her immediately afterwards. and then even more when he spent ep3 trying to intimidate and murder a rapist
#txt#torchwood posting#owen in the pilot? trash. but i tend to think ep3 was his comeuppance#anyway i was biased goin into tw but nonetheless. i loved him near immediately#i was like oh hermann from pr but hes a mean shitty little twink ohh???#oh hes fucked up! oh he has murder in his eyes and hes crying! oh im obsessed! and it spiraled from there#which is usually how it goes#sigh#but yeah ep3 was when i rllyyyy started to love owen#the obsession. the vigilantism. going against jack's orders.#that one shot where gwen looks at him and he looks dangerous#i think what got me was in ep1 we see torchwood broke suzie and pushed her to kill#so seeing that a second torchwood member was also at that point only two eps later#it was like ohhhhh. ohhh thats whats going on here#and then it's amplified like the end of s1 is just owen spiraling so hard he almost destroys the world. and it was fucking fantastic#even if the cgi was bad lmfao#s1s character arcs all have to do with exploring how that life breaks people. esp ppl who were already broken. as we find out in s2e12#& owen's the best example he's sooo fucking mentally ill and self destructive and toxic and miserable and he means the fucking world to me#and then they threw it all away in s2 to make him palatable 😒#but thats a me problem. i do luv s2 owen just in a diff way#and im v fond of the undead arc#but s1 owen just hits diff for me. burn played him as a scared little boy and it rlly rlly shows#sss
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Shadows of Fear: Did You Lock Up? (1.1, Thames, 1970)
"And they didn't make much mess?"
"No, not really. They forced that door. Smashed the cabinet, slashed a sofa. And kicked a hole in the bedroom door."
"Ah. Big mistake."
"What is?"
"Never lock inside doors. Anything you can to keep them out - but when they're in, let 'em get on with it."
"I'll remember."
#shadows of fear#single play#roger marshall#1970#classic tv#thames#kim mills#michael craig#gwen watford#ray smith#mark mcmanus#malcolm kaye#charles leno#having come to something of a premature pause in my New Scotland Yard watch (the first ep of series 3 isn't on the YT playlist I've been#using and is proving quite tricky to get ahold of) i thought I'd revisit this brief lived anthology series for the creepy season. i first#watched this about 10 years ago and my memories of it are scant to say the least‚ so it seemed like good viewing for the season#the production history of SoF is lost in the mists of time (unless someone out there wishes to enlighten me?); this first episode was shown#in June of 1970‚ but the rest didn't follow until January of the following year; probably this acted as a sort of pilot to gauge viewer#reactions to another vaguely horrorish anthology series (the previous decade had been ripe with them‚ tho we rarely see their like today)#and then there's the odd case of the final ep‚ shown almost 2 years after the series ended and running to half the length (and generally#feeling like an entirely different format) but I'll come to that when (and if) i get to the episode itself. this debut ep is... well it's#fine. i was excited to see Marshall's name in the opening credits‚ one of the most dependable of old tv writers and I'd quite forgotten he#contributed to this show. but the issue here is simply one of length. the plot is solid‚ a suitably grotty little tale of a family man's#mounting obsession with the burglars who broke into his home. it would make a good ep of Tales of Unease (shortly to begin on Thames'#sister broadcaster LWT) or a few years later as an episode of Tales of the Unexpected; both being 25 minute shows. but this clocks in at#close to 50 mins and there isn't really enough to it to sustain that longer running time‚ leaving it feeling a little stretched thin and#flimsy. a shame‚ because Craig and Watford are putting in excellent performances as the middle class couple whose reactions to the burglary#slowly shift as time passes (he goes from prosaic acceptance to fixated malice‚ she from shocked indignation to making peace with it all)#no big surprises in where the play is headed or how it plays out‚ but that's often the case with these things; it's often just as much#about the horrible foreknowledge of what must come than some shocking twist‚ and this plays it about right. it's just too long is all.
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maybe the reason im so upset about it isnt cuz she broke up wme but because all that waiting over the summer just feels so worthelss now. like i know we couldnt talk as much or be around each other as much but i was waitingall summer like when we get back all we'll do is be together!!!! all of the 'new relationship syndrome especially now that its long distance' stuff will be fixed when we get back!! but were over and theres no chanec of fixing it because were over and its just like what if we waited what if we just figured it out for another few weeksand see where it went form there
#its not just that its also cuz she knew she wouldnt have a lot oftiem in the semester & also shes entitled to her experiences but its like#all summer we talked aboutall the things wed do together whenwe got back to campus so its like#all of that imagining is going to waste you know. and it makes me really really sad#cuz we had so many plans only for all of them to go in the air a week before school starts#and i guess i feel let down about all of it (which isnt her fault) because why did we say all that only for us to break up :(#and she told me breaking up was something sehd only recently started thinking about so its like#the emotional part of me is wondering why cant we just wait it out for a few weeks and find out of this is really worth saving you know#cuz it just feels so sudden like we werent meant to end just yet#it doesnt feel right. like we literally only just started you know#and she said she didnt feel like dragging me along whiel she figured shit out#which is kind btu i guess to me its like i would prefer being dragged along because at least then ill start to feel the pain of it too#cuz where we are right now i didnt even feel any sort of weirdness i thought everything was going so well#like id rather break up when i do feel something bad#not BEFORE i feel something bad you know???#but also its more than just about that. like she told me that she felt werid and i dont think she would have broken up with me for no reaso#like im sure she did it becuase she felt right about it and im not mad at her about it#im just really really sad cuz i really thought we were doing so good. like just last week she was saying how much she missedme#sorry ugh i know im ranting so much about it but i dont feel like bringing this up with my friends yet cuz its just so embarrinsg being lik#hey so you know how totally obsessed we were with each other. well we broke up not even 5 months later haha so embarrsing#like it all just feels like... what did we do all that for!!! what did we spend all summer telling each other we loved each other for!#but again just cuz i didnt feel like it was the end doesnt mean she didn't. she did say she felt werid but ughhhh i dont fucking know#im just really surprised and sad about it
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I've been thinking a lot about my sexuality these last few years, I'd even say sometimes obsessing to an unhealthy degree, and I think I've come in terms with the fact I almost certainly am bisexual and denying that is pretty lesbophobic and frankly dumb in many ways, and mainly cruel towards myself. Gonna be reading up on internalized biphobia and whatnot
#Turns out men around me just suck#And men that are thirsted over most of the time do too#Alright they don't meet my preferences**#No toxicity here everyone's valid#I have had my reasons to think I'm gay and I don't think I was that 'delusional' (idk a better way to say it) thinking that I am gay#But the more I move forward the more I realize I'm just lying to myself#I don't have to date men or be interested in what most people think is attractive in men to be bisexual and that's alright#I am a little disappointed in the way bisexuals are treated in certain lgbt+ spaces specifically chronically online ones#Is it cringe to admit that the thing that broke the camel's back was a fandom meta post where the author said that people in fandom#can't tolerate bi characters/HCs because the idea of a character having history is repulsive to younger fans that want there to be one and#only love interest. Or smth along these lines. That resonated with me. I have no clue why tho. I don't have much history with anyone myself#Aside from a homoerotic childhood friendship or two (celibacy sweep)#Not just that there were a lot of good points made but yeah. Fun things#I have a feeling I'll continue obsessing over this stuff#Obsession grind never ends babyyy 💯💪#It does feel nice to admit to things I like without feeling like I have some sort of reverse religious trauma#the center of it being one ultimate queer experience and if you've straighted you're condemned to be seen as a straight by gays#for all eternity#Bisexual#Bi pride#//rambles
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omad is cute but i grew up in the kind of poverty where often enough that was the only option so it rllllly doesn’t work as a diet for me i am the exact opposite. the miniest of meals spread through the day keeps the b1nge at bay. I will stretch those cals in obscene ways
#You ever seen someone cut up one piece of caramel into 12pcs and eat it over the course of three days? That’s more my speed adlkfjsldkfj#Like sometimes ill accidentally do omad or f4st if im just busy/distracted/have a good day where im not thinking abt food much#But usually putting a label on it immediately takes me back to being broke af living in the middle of a huge food desert and i end up like#Blacking out and b1ng1ng cuz im thrown back to being a kid that didnt always know when i was gonna have my next Truly Filling Meal#Which is so annoying bc like. Before i started obsessing over food and my weight again would i have even connected those dots?#Would it even be a problem? But now pandora’s box is open. TLDR dont get an 3d kids. This shit sucks so much ass#Vent#<- just in case#its more musings really
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I just...
Him.
(MY FRIEND KILLED A WORM IN FRONT OF ME AND I LITERALLY STARTED CRYING I AM LITERALLY SIG NOW.)
#schezo puyo puyo#puyo puyo#madou monogatari#I'm kind of obsessed with Schezo#he has stopped me from being anxious and crying in the past#I probably need help#it's fine tho#I think#(coming from the person who nearly broke their phone once because Schezo lost the Sega Fav Character Bracket thing#and then proceeded to shout at everyone I knew#but the shouting was literally just me ranting for hours on end about Schezo and how absolutely annoyed I was)
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“bastard son of a bastard son of
a wild eyed child of the sun”
i posted a speedpaint talking about this character, so if u wanna here abt that here’s the link :b
#hazbin hotel#hazbin art#hazbin lucifer#hazbin hotel oc#original character#GOD im so obsessed with this art#it took me forever tho#and i think the wings look wack#but idc it ended up REALLY GOOD and its FINE#anyways my oc is so silly#(he has experienced debilitating trauma)#bro is the epitome of fuck around and find out#“he has main character syndrome#DIDNT ASK#hes just a SILLY GUY#let him LIVE let him LAUGH let him love :(#yk that one writing prompt#*is kidnapped* *spits on the ground* I AINT SAYING SHIT#bro what the fuck we didn’t even touch u are you okay??#that one?#ya thats him for real#literally what happened when he got to the hazbin#bro broke in#tried to fight vaggie#got his ass kicked and strapped to a chair#and then spat SOMEONES blood on the floor#crazy shit happening at the hazbin hotel everyone
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y'know I think about this tweet often. I don't think truer words have ever been spoken....
#had a whole mini rant that i wrote and then deleted lol..........#no one else may know his shitty he was but i will always know and i shall absolutely not forgive or forget#however i do still start seething on occasion when i remember that after we broke up for years i never thought of him at all#except when i pass his street on occasion bc he happens to live nearby which is very ughhh but it's mostly whatever#and then out of the blue in early 2021 he texted and CALLED me (i did not answer. what a fucking jumpscare jfc)#to tell me he had been stalking my spotify playlists and saving them and#even had the fuuuuucking audacity. to think they were a personal message in a bottle just for him.#we had not spoken in 3 years. can u imagine the absolute lack of fucking common sense or logic. the fucking audacity of men is unparalleled#and then i had nightmares and paranoia about him for the next like full year. like wtf.#also i think i said 2021 but actually that happened in 2022 so we actually hadn't spoken in four full years.#where on gods green earth woild he get the idea. that my public spotify playlist.#was dedicated to my terrible obsessive bully of a boyfriend from fucking high school.#i just can't even fucking fathom the mental gymnastics necessary.#anyway. i ended up ranting anyway#it just makes me so angry that i didnt think about him for years and then he so efficiently once again ruined my life#bc he had been incredibly obsessive and so I had reason to worry he might just show up at my house at some point.#i ended up ranting anyway. what can u do.#anyway. I hope he's having a terrible time. he deserves it.
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this is a really specific vent(?) post. im processing things by putting them in words. its not serious, feel free to ignore me lol
i just want to say that a couple years ago when i was in the beginning stages of researching autism (and would soon realize i am most likely autistic) i was in a relationship. and communication in a relationship is So Very important to me. I would constantly ask how he was (obviously it was more specific to whatever situation was going on) and he would always say he was fine. If I had even the Slightest hint that he wasn't actually Fine (like 19 times out of 20) i would continue asking if he was sure and if he wanted to talk, and he continued to say he was fine. half the time i assumed he meant it and i read the situation wrong, the other half of the time i assumed he didn't want to talk about it.
he ended up breaking up with me because i
"didn't pick up on some things"
"what kind of things?" i asked
"idk, just, things."
and he had been talking to my friend (U) about our relationship, and telling her that i wasn't picking up on things. she got mad at me and we had a "fight" for a short time, she thought i was being a bad partner, and her sister (M) (who is toxic and possessive) felt like i wasn't spending enough time with her, so she complained about it to their mom, who got mad at U for it for some reason? so U also brought all that up, telling me M felt left out. (i wasn't leaving M out of anything, i was sitting with my partner at lunch half of the time, she was welcome to join, but didnt, looking back i think M has RSD and maybe i should have been more direct when moving to a new location to explicitly invite her) (U was also not in school at the time due to covid, so its not like i was spending more time with her over M, which is something M would get so upset about if she perceived it to be that way [she was incredibly possessive of me as a friend and the extent of it made me feel like an object tbh])
U never brought up the issues my partner talked about, because that's how we are, we don't make it known someone was venting to us, to respect their privacy, but it fueled her emotions during our "argument" so i really only heard her being mad at me for not including M, (which i later learned is because M's emotions were made to be her problem when they shouldn't have, this has been a running problem so it wasnt that surprising to learn) so i started spending more time with M, but it was school, and i had work, so schedules only allowed so much time, and any time I was with M (lunch and one class) was when i was also with my partner, but i had other classes with him so i assumed it was fine, but he started drifting away (also around a time i attempted to communicate something important about our relationship, which ended up making him uncomfortable, but he didn't say anything about it until we had a conversation after breaking up)
i was stuck in a place where i felt like no one around me communicated how they felt and still expected me to understand them and do what they wanted me to do
U and i recently reflected on this and realized my ex was a shitty communicator (he and his next partner also broke up because he didn't say how he felt and expected them [also most likely autistic] to... just kinda know ig?) and that she should have gotten my side of the story (she had no idea i was frequently checking on him and trying to get him to talk to me)
and that she wasnt actually upset at me about M, she was upset that people were making it her problem, and she was especially upset during this reflection to learn that M was not being left out at all, she was just doing That Thing again where she wanted me to be Her friend and Only Her friend.
U AND I ARE NOT MAD AT EACH OTHER FOR ANY OF THIS, I WAS NEVER MAD AT U AND U WAS ONLY MAD ABOUT HER PERCEPTION OF THE SITUATION, AND ONLY FOR A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME, EVERYTHING IS FINE
so basically i went like a year and a half thinking that people were rightfully mad at me and i was too self absorbed to pay attention to other peoples' emotions and i started learning how to read people again (clearly my body language research from middle school wasn't cutting it anymore) only for me to realize i just need people to be a little more direct that allistic people typically are, and those specific people were just being dogshit at communicating, (even for allistic people, relative to my needs)
anyways highschool post-covid was Really Fucking Weird and socially stressful for me
TL;DR reflecting on my communication needs not only not being met, but being far undershot for even a "normal" persons needs and how i was convinced I was the problem because of circumstances
#U and i are best friends and have been for 7 years now#U and M are twins#M and i barely talk anymore now that she has Other Friends (grateful tbh)#i know i previously brought up having an ex bf with messy hair and eyeshadow. this ex was Not Him#(my identity as a lesbian was shakey in highschool- i was figuring things out)#(i had several “girlfriends” in middle school (all lasting less than a week after the first because religious guilt))#(but in highschool i had two separate boyfriends and zero girlfriends)#oh god my first ex is such a fucking story but thats for another time#also the ex in this post was like. REALLY fucking obsessed with spiderman#it was great frfr#but it made anything spiderman related super weird for me for a like a year after the breakup#he broke up with me On our 7 month anniversary like right after school got out for summer#the next school year was awkward bc he was in one of my year long classes and we had a LOT of mutual friends#he also started dating his next partner like a week or two after breaking up with me#i was also pushing down ALL my emotions at this time so when i finally Let Myself Feel Things a couple months later i played Good 4 U a LOT#17 was a fucking weird year for me frfr#honestly ALL of my teenage years have been rough and i have never actually let myself acknowledge that before This Moment#and that feels really weird to say because im technically still a teenager#this post ended up way fucking longer than i thought it was gonna be#(also going back to the middle school “relationships” ive sorta-almost-dated a good handful of people#but i only consider 3 people to actually be “exes”)
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after this
the chapter then ending on this
has me big time feeling like. this.
#speculation nation#fanny reads trigun#trigun spoilers/#HELP? ME???#face in my hands. i literally gasped when the wing first appeared#i was like 'thats GOTTA be vash right???' but it was like it was acting independently of him#only to be revealed that he was COMPLETELY losing it. nearly did the fucking angel arm shit again b4 crimson nails appeared#legato fucking sucks. rip sax man. zazie is my fav antagonist (nonbinary ICON). elendira is so fucking beautiful#poor fucking meryl getting caught up in all this. she's just an insurance girl and here she was trapped under an angel man#who very nearly set off his arm nuke for the THIRD. TIME.#he really is just a walking atomic bomb. one bad day away from killing another several hundred thousand people#him calling himself a murderer upon remembering what happened in july. that broke my fucking Heart#mr vash the stampede. eternal pacifist who refuses to kill even ppl actively trying to kill him. calling himself a murderer.#head in my hands. im utterly obsessed with his wings. im obsessed with all of this. holy fucking shit y'all#and then it ends with them being Losers once more. sometimes Loser4Loser is watching ur bf nearly set off his atomic bomb arm#and sometimes it's poking fun at one another and helping rebuild a town you were part of the destroying of#geeze. geeeeze. SO fucking much happened. jesus fucking christ#i knew it'd be a lot but i didnt know just how Much it'd be a lot. that tails image is just me rn for REAL
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just finished jade war. Um ‼️
#girl. i have never been more stressed reading a book oh my goddddd those final few chapters had me by the fucking throat#i gasped countless times. i had to put the book down and PACE and that never happens ever .......#every moment i wasn't reading my gut was roiling with anxiety wondering what was going to happen next#fonda lee had me on the edge of my fucking seat that's for sure#okay im going to talk about spoilers now so look away if you must#THE DEATH SCARES WITH RU AND WEN AND ANDEN HAD ME SCREAMINGGGGG I WAS SO SCARED WTF#also we Love the poetic cinema of anden’s climactic scene in the first book being him taking away life and then in this book#it's him giving life back#LOVE!!!!!!! and he was always good at channeling so it ties in beautifully#also this is sooooo trivial but even though i was actually kind of heartbroken he broke things off with cory—#i hope he can try something with lott 👀 like. please....he had a crush on this emo kid for the longest time back at the academy. so cute#but i mean they're two very different people now so i'd understand if that doesn't happen but now that anden is back in janloon i really#hope he and lott can like. spend more time together and get to catch up#ANYWAY!!!!!! i need to talk about BERO bc for some reason i ended up getting sooo attached to him#like yeah he's an awful street rat who's done awful things but he's just trying to make something out of his life#also Love how he's bestowed with such turbulent luck as it's stated over and over again like literally Anything could happen to bero#but i was kinda sad when mudt jr was murdered (that scene gave me chills btw it was so horrific...green bones don't mess around)#bc he and bero Were kinda sorta friends and i loved their constant bickering and how they did come to appreciate each other's company :(#also obsessed with how the books start and end with bero like oh shit i wonder what godawful scheme he's trying to pull off now#boy....just let it rest!!!! you have a proper job at a restaurant now you could make a normal life for yourself!!!!#now he wants to ruin the clans by joining the rebellion.....of courseeeee#anyway bero is a delight and i love seeing where fate takes him he really is a plaything of the gods#god i still can't believe kehn is dead :(((( are you fucking kidding me. AND MARO. that was fucked up.#also hellooooo i need ayt madashi pov chapters right nowwwww she's such an enigma she's so scary i need to know what goes on in her head#also. girl. the cycle of violence is going to keep happening over and over as long as rhe clans still stand :/#the mountain and no peak are just going to keep trying to get the upper hand on each other no matter how much they talk about peace#maybe i agree with and support bero after all hfkshfhdh maybe a rebellion is what's needed after all#bc they're just going to keep going at each other's throats#i need jade legacy right nowwww hopefully i get it from the library in the next few days
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