#i was literally telling people that i was on detox

[starrywangxian]

i have finally watched episode 4 and 5 of our flag means death and i pray you never meet me again because i don't know how to function after seeing it

[royposting]

queen tell me about roy harper's hudson sweater <3

oh my god you do NOT understand how many thoughts i have about the hudson U sweater. i have. so many. you do not know what you are asking of me.

see, in order to understand why i go so insane about it, you have to first understand how it ties in together with where roy logically would be as a person during this time in the timeline - i literally have an entire google doc for a logical timeline for him that i made because DC does not keep track of him during his teenage years, and also do not know how heroin and heroin addiction actually works.

logically speaking, for him to be at the state he was during snowbirds dont cry (GL/GA #85-86) he would not have been on gear for only a month or whatever they claim in it. i dont have personal experience with heroin but i have been in that world and have 1. struggled myself in my youth with drug abuse and 2. been friends with plenty of sober addicts.

homeboy would have had to be on the stuff for at least a few months at that point in time. probably started with pills, like oxycodone or similar, then moved on to snorting or smoking H. people rarely go from nothing to shooting up in such a short amount of time, and we see him having withdrawals and shooting in snowbirds.

i typically place snowbirds, and roys addiction, later on in the TL than the bronze age canon. this for several reasons, mainly:

he would, again, have been on gear for some time prior to it. meaning: his friends would have noticed if he was still with the teen titans at this time.

i also typically put him as the youngest member of the OG TT - same birth year as dick, but born in november to dicks march. i typically put ollie leaving for his eat, pray, love roadtrip with hal at the year roy (&dick) would turn 18. dick goes to college, sometime during that fall the TT break up, donna dumps his sorry ass for the last time, and he is left alone with no real support system since ollie (whose relationship with roy is famously strained in bronze age comics) left him alone.

this is when he starts using, in my HC TL.

SO in detective comics #402, roy visits dick in college. by my TL, he would already be using opiates to some degree, here. theyre wearing coats - its probably cold out.

did dick give him the sweater because he felt cold? he would have lost weight if he was using. making him freeze.

more importantly:

snowbirds would be placed around spring the year after. after snowbirds, roy sets off on his own, to tour with his band, great frog (we see an example of this in action comics #436). from the rise of arsenal mini run, we know that roy continued using during this time, spiralling and spiralling until finally deciding enough is enough.

throughout this ENTIRE TIME, even when travelling and touring and using heroin, MY MAN KEPT THE SWEATER. he kept it. he keeps wearing it, casually, it being completely his. he KEPT IT. ???!!??????!!!!!!!

when did dick give him the sweater? was it when roy visited him at hudson U? was it when he came to sit by roys bedside during his detox (which we learn about in i believe NTT)? was it later? i dont know. i cannot be sure. but it makes sense to me that it would be when he visited him at hudson U.

meaning mr roy ”everything i have ever hold onto has claw marks in it” harper held onto that sweater SO HARD through EVERYTHING. and he wears it casually. this fucking beacon of his affection for dickie straight on his chest.

my man has packed up his life so many times and that sweater has stayed with him. it genuinely drives me insane.

[prettyboykatsuki]

how surprising ur response doesn’t address the issue at all!!!! i would love for u to go off on me because it’s easy for me to win a disagreement when i know i’m right lmao and also i KNOW 100% for a fact that countless people would agree w me but it’s not reaching the correct audience w a sane mindset cuz all ur followers are 🌽 addicts too thinking the same shit as u and pitying and comforting ur ass in ur replies🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️shits cringe to watch but anyway every normal person knows it’s weird and that’s all the matters i suppose cuz post that shit literally anywhere else and your ass WILL get dragged

maybe let’s try a one month no 🌽 challenge and try again! maybe ur mind will detox and you’ll realize ur fucking weird

i didn't respond to your ask with any dignity because the original premise of your ask was not worthy of being dignified with time nor attention.

ive gotten tens of asks of people who also want to hold moral superiority over me by regurgitating opinions they've adopted from their online internet circles without any real nuance and thus i have no reason to take it seriously. you are not the first person to try to peddle this to me and there is nothing about your ask that warrants any of my thoughtful consideration.

i normally wouldn't bother with correcting this one either, but because im already in a deeply irritable mood - sure, i will give you the response you are asking for, starting with the post you are criticizing.

firstly, you're incorrectly reading my post. you intentionally misrepresent my post with your wording and also the sort of joke i was making by implying "memed about waiting for the age of consent" so i can indulge my porn addiction."

im going to disregard your application of harmful real world rhetoric to what is essentially fiction and go along with the idea that fictional characters are in anyway effected by my posting.

the main issue is fundamentally that you are misreading it. i know you are because i am the original poster and the author of this post - which means i can directly tell you that the point of this post is ironic.

it is poking fun at the people who have accused me of pedophilia for aging up a fictional character for years because he is now, in canon, an adult.

the irony of that is that i was doing what horikoshi was when writing my fics. the people who treated my aging up as invalid simply because horikoshi is the author are no longer able to wield it against me. the author has no confirmed his adulthood, which makes that argument moot.

your argument is that i was in some way making a joking about having waited for izuku to reach adulthood in order to sexualize him. this is blantantly incorrect and a misreading of the post in general. that is not something you can counter because if you've spent any time on my blog at all - it would be very clear i was already aging up and sexualizing characters on my own whims.

both posts for better viewing.

the other thing you spout off about is porn addiction. this is the main reason i didn't find any reason to take your points seriously. if you knew, researched, or understood any of the points you've borrowed from your peers on tiktok - you would know why porn addiction is not a term you can apply to erotica.

in the first place, there is no universally understood diagnostic criteria for porn addiction. there are other forms of research related to how porn interferes with cis-heterosexual partnerships and the quality of sex life and some affiliation with watching porn as a compulsive behavior - but neither of these things qualify as addiction.

pornography is a highly politicized topic because our society is structured upon old school protestant christian beliefs and puritanism. but pornography and sexually explicit materal is a difficult thing to quantify in usage. it is culturally ubiquitous and has several nuances in relation to its use. it is near impossibly to quantify sexual behavior because it is a normal, human urge like hunger or thirst whether or not you choose to believe that.

here are three articles making points about the claims around porn addiction from reliable sources that you're welcome to point out.

one | two | three

as i keep repeating - addiction is a specific line of behavior and being frank, it's rather insulting you think i suffer from a porn addiction given i used to do actual drugs and suffered from real life addictions lmao.

but if you want to use other addiction diagnostic critera in this argument. my posting on silly erotica tumblr does not

interfere with my daily life or relationships

negatively affect my performance in school or at work

cause me to withdraw from social situations

lose interest in my other hobbies and activies that improve quality of life.

none of the above applies to me. but im guessing you don't have any actual concern.

it's very clear to me and everyone else that your peddling of this term has nothing to do with whether or not i actually have the addiction - and everything to do with you attempting to moralize my behavior to an audience and boost up your own points.

if i really did have a porn addiction, implying i had an addiction - you are implying that this is something i should be ashamed of just as you are implying my fellow porn addicts should also be ashamed.

you see addiction as a point of shame and not a disease and don't show any actual empathy which makes you a morally bankrupt human being in my subjective view. you don't have any actual arguments about how this might effect my behavior or character. only that addiction (a thing people can't control) is bad, that i am bad for watching porn and being addicted to it.

neither of these are provable as you do not know me.

instead your attempt to find fault is to arm yourself with puritan talking points and internet tiktok buzzword language and make your clauses have some kind of ground or validity. it is trite and frankly embarrassing watching you come into my inbox with such confidence that you would be able to argue with me critically and meaningfully.

the last thing i will address is your point about this not being a popular opinion.

you are under the impression im not aware of this and that this is not a choice i've made deliberately so i will be kindly blunt.

i, unlike you, have formed these opinions with my own critical understanding of culture, sociology, psychology, and politics by researching and reading from people who study these things with more expertise than me.

these opinions are formed by my own discretion and worldview. they are unpopular opinions.

unlike you, my peers are not decided by my moral parading. rather, im frank and upfront with those world views and have formed a circle that agrees with them.

i do not need your validation nor the validation of people online to confirm whether or not im a good person. the reason people agree with me is not pity, but because they too have formed their own opinions and ours happen to allign.

you think this is pitying behavior because the people you choose to align with would cast you out for showing even a breadth of disagreement or critique. you have not fostered a space for intelligent conversation because you can't see disagreement without accusing someone of this or that.

you are all the same and you are all equally confident in your hivemind opinions. i applaud your audacity and admire your confidence in your own ability to argue something you've barely formed your own conscious thought about.

i dont need to detox anything and i dont care about being weird. i also, really don't care about you or your opinions.

you are unoriginal and boring, a pest of the highest pedigree and i don't find you intimidating. your inability to receive validation from your own moral character will doom you to shame and guilt for as long as you allow and thats much more punishment than i could ever dole out to you

have a good day pookie 🫂🫂

[lotusmi]

the mike wazowski VOID STATE challenge

yes the challenge is called mike wazowski, dont judge mike (and dont judge me too lmao

complain and blame method 😫😫😪

I know I know, I said we are in "void detox 🍵era" in this blog... But I got an idea of a new challenge that you all may like so I am breaking the rules here 😎

mike hottie wazowski is this gentleman and i named the challenge after him since its a hot challenge just like him get it?

💬"Ok, ok Lotus,... What is this stupid challenge about?"

Oh yea, the challenge... yes yes.

So! The challenge is to complain and blame! I dare you to complain about your void journey! Can you complain all day and enter the complainer state? I bet you do! 🤭

As we know, our states are reflected. What we do within ourselves is manifested in our world.

Bloggers say "enter the state of the person that always enter the void☝️👩‍🏫"

But some of you don't feel like you can do it, right? Yes, I know. You try and then give up. "How you I believe, how would i do thhaaat?? 😪😭😭" then you complain again and again.

Are you the "I TRIEEED EVWRYTHING I NEED TO EMTERR HEESLP MEE 😭😭😭" person? YOUR PROBLEMS END HERE muahahha!! 😼

You are now my actor/actress 😼 your paper is to be someone who always enter the void so easily that it ANNOYS YOU🙄🙄. Like?? You cannot even sleep without entering ughhh 😑

You will take this as a fun challenge! Can you have fun doing this? I know you can! Just take it easy and be the most annoyed and worried person in earth!

There are a lot of people here who is worried and obsessed about the void. You are already in this state and can't see motivation to leave it? Just change the focus of it! Now you are obsessed to know WHY you ALWAYS WAKE UP/TAP IN THE VOID.

HEHHEHEH WHAT A PLOT TWIST, NO? 😌😏

Here is how you will do: you will act as if you were entering in the void literally always and you are sooo annoyedd 😒😒😒😒 I'll give you an exemple of how your self talk should be like:

"Awww I just woke up 🛌 and I entered in void agaaain arrghh 😒😒😒 bro?? Whhyy I keep entering in this mf everytime I sleep? 🙄🙄 like how can I stop myself of ENTERING ALWAAAYSS?? I TRIED EVERYTHING AND I KEEP ENTERING in the VOID😭😭😭😪 How can i even live this day knowing if I fall asleep or when night comes I will be there 🙄 AGAIN??? 😫 omg i amm sooo mad that I enter in void like instantly I cannot even close my eyes cuz BOOM 😭😤😤 and to know that I am forced to enter today agaiinnn?? 🙄😭😭😭😭. LIKE WHY THIS IS HAPPENING TO MEEEE?? 😟😟Oohh not its getting time to sleep and i'll enteeer the voidd agaaainn 🙄🙄"

+You can also imagine you telling a friend how you always enter the void to the point it is annoying you.

+You can have fun, make it natural and be creative! Roll your eyes 🙄, act as if! Act like a movie actress, take a breath 😤 and say "uuhh omg why i keep enteriinnnn duh 😒"

KEEP LIVING IN 4D AND IN THE CHARACTHER NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS!! If you left the state just go back to your self talks about "ughh i keep entering" again! 💗

The focus here is to change your assumptions and take it easy, you ignore 3d and keep telling yourself the new story 💗

Don't think in terms of "when will I enter?" But "I know I will enter since i always do, it is done".

How long should I do the challenge?

That's up to you! You can pick a date, enter today, enter in 3 days, do along @uniquelymeandmyworld2 challenge or whatever you feel like!

That is it 😌 have fun babygirls 💗😘

[angelsdean]

always thinking about dean spending 10 years basically Becoming A Demon or definitely on the path to becoming on, and then he comes back and sees sam using demon powers, and then he finds out sam is Drinking Demon Blood. like imagine if he had seen sam's eyes turn black it wouldve messed him up so bad

literally. so many people seem to forget this pretty important context for why dean is so shaken by the sam + demon blood stuff. he DIED to save his brother, they killed azazel, sam was supposed to be free of that fate. and now he's back from literal hell, where he endured 30 yrs of nonstop torture before saying "yes" and experiencing the even worse pain of having to hurt others, and he comes back to see his brother consorting with a demon that dean clocked as manipulative from the start and whom he still does not trust (and he's right!) and then finds out sam is drinking Demon Blood and his reasons for doing so initially are to "get revenge" on lilith for sending dean to hell and dean's like "what the hell?? stop??" and sam does not stop.

and then the angels tell him he needs to save sam from going down this dark path or they'll kill him and dean's like: deja vu this sure sounds familiar i swear i just lived this plot where an authority figure told me i need to either save sam or kill him and i saved him and now sam is doing All This and making me have to either save him or let him be killed and i let him be killed so i gotta save him but he's going off the rails and how the hell do i get him to stop and realize what he's doing is wrong? going to have to go to extremes like force-detoxing and saying a mean thing to snap him out of it when he's about to strangle and kill me, surely this will not cause certain subsets of fans to think i'm a big mean abusive brother who hates sam, right?

anyways, dean being fresh from hell is, pretty significant to his feelings and actions throughout s4 toward sam and the demon blood stuff. also yea i think seeing sam's eyes go black would've fucked dean up severely.

[littlest-foxx]

lemme vent real quick (tw drugs):

so a couple weeks ago i went to my coworker’s house with some other ppl to drink and hang out. and she fucking pulls out coke and leaves it lined out in the bathroom for anyone who wants it.

this is after ive already told them i will not be around people who have drugs out in front of me or are fucked up cause of my own recovery.

**mind yall i am in recovery from hard drugs that almost killed me. and i have no self control at all once i start using. and ive told them before i will not be around it cause i dont trust myself to be able to say no. and thats just my reality**

anyway — ended up NOT doing it some fucking how. literally like reached for it and had to be like dude get it the fuck together dont you dare. cried a bunch after i left and called my best friends like all upset. and i havent hung out with any of them since…

well then im talking to my friend/coworker yesterday about it and how they just dont seem to get how out of control i can be. and shes telling me that “oh i think you could do a little and be fine. i think you have more self control than you think you do” blahblahblah

and im just. my addiction brain is baffled. i told her my whole issue is everytime i think i can do that i end up fucked up for days/weeks/months and ive fully had to do several rehabs, detoxed, the whole fucking thing. crackhead as fuck.

it just sucks so bad cause i really wanted to be friends with them and be safe in that way but apparently they can’t respect that or dont actual understand what i’m trying to tell them. idk

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for getting a restraining order against my anti-vax sister and her family?

I know that sounds bad but hear me out.

So I (27 M) and my wife (28 F) recently had our first child together six months ago and my parents and sister have started coming over to see our baby girl.

I didn't let them see the baby when she was born because unfortunately my wife and I were in a bad car accident. (Drunk driver ran us off the road and the car rolled down a small cliffside until it flipped over and crashed) we're both ok but my wife is now wheelchair bound and our daughter had to be delivered and put in an incubator for the rest of pregnancy because my wife was only 26 weeks pregnant at the time.

It was a miracle that our baby even survived.

But because my daughter was born so early she has a lot of health problems, including an incredibly weak immune system.

This is where the Am I The Asshole part comes in.

Obviously because of the horrible circumstances my family, particularly my sister, have been very patient on not being able to see the baby until everything settles down.

Well things have settled enough that we felt comfortable enough letting my parents come over to visit and meet their new granddaughter.

And that would've been fine if my sister (30 F) hadn't come too.

My sister is an anti-vaxxer. A hardcore anti-vaxxer.

Like full on believing in essential oils and healing crystals and literally ANYTHING other than traditional medicine. And considering the fact that she spent the entirety of my wife's pregnancy sending her guides for "vaccine detoxes", what essential oils to use and constantly pressuring her not to get our daughter vaccinated...yeah.

(Luckily my wife is way too smart to actually believe that bullshit and kept leaving my sister on read whenever she would start)

So my sister came over and brought her three children with her. None of her children are vaccinated.

She wanted to let her unvaccinated spawns near my heavily immunocompromised infant daughter.

Two of the three spawns were both sick with colds.

I cannot believe she would be that stupid.

So I yelled at her, telling her to take her children and leave because they sure as hell arent coming NEAR my daughter. She yelled at me saying that she wanted to see her niece and her essential oil covered gremlins would help give my daughter "natural immunity" and other anti vax crap. I argued back that if my daughter catches whatever PREVENTABLE diseases the kids are carrying she could very likely DIE.

And it turned into a whole big fight in the driveway. I ended up punching my brother in law (sister's equally anti-vax husband) in the face when he tried to push past me and let the children into my house. (He also punched me twice after that)

It was an entire mess.

Eventually my parents dragged my sister and her husband away and made them leave with their kids.

Once that whole ordeal ended I gave the entire driveway a deep clean and threw out the clothes I was wearing that day. (Call me paranoid but I do not want ANY risk of my baby girl getting sick and very possibly DYING because of my sister and her family)

My wife and I have my sister and her husband blocked on everything and I'm working on getting a restraining order against those people because there is no way in hell you could convince my sister to just vaccinate her children. So I do not want her, her husband or her children anywhere near my family ever again.

So Am I the asshole? My sister certainly thinks I am (my mother told me. she's been yapping away to her facebook group friends about how unfair and horrible I'm being when she did nothing wrong)

What are these acronyms?

[d10nsaint]

DAPHINE

secretive plotter, kim dokja, yoo junghyuk, yoo sangah x gn!reader [separate]

another request from @rouecentric 😦⁉️🤯 so surprised rn. Anyways i love od but he’s not here because i don't wanna make them all have a romantic setting then have od be the only platonic one bcs he’s like 12.also tagging @elychee bcs they're AMAZING and wrote abt the lcf trio with a plus sized reader and you should really check it out [wink wink] i really tried to make this gn pls tell if it isn't THIS IS ALSO JUST ME SAYING NONSENSE BTW IT MIGHT NOT MAKE SENSE

ʚɞ Kim Dokja;

DOKJA is just happy he has a lover.

Really.

He also loves hugging you after a warm day—you’re just so soft and sweet to him (like anybody would be. hes so

He loves touching you. Hes just such a sucker for affection because he had none when he was younger, and he'd be elated to have someone who could handle his touch and affirm him throughout the day that its okay and they dont mind.

When it comes to your body,he really likes your chest.He lays on it when you both are lying down on the couch or even in bed. But once, one thing led to another on the couch and his head ended up on your thighs. he was literally shaking. His mind was going a million miles per hour and his face went beet red, and it was to the point where you had to make sure he was okay.

ʚɞ Yoo Sangah;

SANGAH is so naturally sweet and was raised in a way that everyone is the same—and thats how she sees people! Of course, not until she finds an s/o whos plus sized. She finally realizes the beauty of plus sized bodies !!

after a long day of work getting harassed, she just wants to go home and settle down in her lovers arms with a book and some detox tea !!

once, she was laying atop you reading a book with your back against the armrest of the couch and her back against yours, and then she realized something—you were very soft. Well, to her, atleast. Ever since, you’ve always been the big spoon!!

Shes never really had impure thoughts about you or your body….in fact, you’d have to bring stuff like that up to her in a conversation because of how little she thinks of it, so i cant really do the thigh thing

ʚɞ Yoo Junghyuk/Joonhyuk;

JUNGHYUK would just be happy that you’d survive a situation where he can't get you both food. ( Idk why i wrote that,i can't go 5 hours without getting hungry)

He’d usually carry you around as a form of training—and never admit it. He also does it just to be able to hold you, but whatever.

He'd be very fond of you (in his head) and try to be very subtle with it-he'd throw you a high grade item and say,'here,you're weak' and if you call him out, he'd glare at you and do nothing else.

By the time that you both are dating, he'd have opened up and really cherished you,hoping to make you happy and give you a life like him of the past would have.

If theres a point where youre dating and not fighting for your lives, he'd love to [secretly] just hold you in his arms and cherish you. It doesnt matter if he's standing up or laying down.He's just so happy to have you in his empty regressor life.

ʚɞ Secretive Plotter;

PLOTTER really doesnt care about body types, even when they come to his s/o UNLESS its very unhealthy.

As i’d suppose that you and plotter would be in a nice,loving and healthy relationship, he’s seen your body—no matter how insecure you are. He loves you no matter what, and nobody should ever dare to talk bad about your body and your habits or else he’d (as I said in a previous post) reign hell upon that person.

Putting the reassurance aside, hes very glad to have a thicker/ plus sized partner, due to how much his body is developed. He wouldnt have to see you as a doll and try to hold back his natural strength with all his might (i mean he still has to hold back) but its better than nothing!

he LOVES to put his hand on your thighs. He can't go a DAY without putting his hands on them, if its meant to be a reassuring caress or a more intimate touch. Male? Female? Something in between? He doesn’t care.

[chuckeroo777]

Dungeon Meshi Volume 14 Part 3

Eat or be eaten. There is no hierarchy. Eating is, quite simply, the exclusive privilege of the living.

Come on, it's time to eat! What shall we have today?

I think the real takeaway from Dungeon Meshi is that cannibalism is a firm "maybe".

Slurp!

I remember seeing a post a while ago about Dungeon Meshi being fatphobic, and while I kinda see where they're coming from, I don't really agree. It's not exactly controversial to advocate for healthy eating and moderate exercise. While the body types could be a bit more diverse, especially in the main cast, Kui clearly has respect for people of various body types. Have you seen some of the daydream hour stuff?

They know him so well. Chilchuck in particular I think understands best. After all, his succubus becomes what he most desires, but it isn't what he wants.

I love this grumpy old gnome who spits nothing but facts.

This whole sequence is very nice.

So, I know this isn't literal, but do you think Falin would have been able to fully expel the dragon's soul? But even if she could, she chose kindness instead. And that's really nice.

I wonder what the demon thinks about all this. Has it actually learned any sort of lesson from all this? Either way, it at least seems to be taking its defeat as graciously as one would hope.

A precious image. It's all been leading up to this.

So, all the changes I've noticed. First, she has feathers covering most of her body. Some haven't grown in yet, but the coverage seems to match her chimera form, leaving her hands, feet, head, and tummy bare. She has large canines. She might have enhanced strength, though she was known for bashing heads in before her transformation too, so it's hard to tell. She also has normal eyesight, as opposed to her previous nearsightedness.

God, she is just like me.

WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!?!

Everyone loves pizza.

I still say familiars are the best solution. He can both make his own monsters, and observe real monsters through the eyes of his creations.

Oh, quit your bellyaching. A quick detox spell will have you right as rain.

An adorable image, and a fitting ending for an amazing manga.

Of course, it isn't quite over yet.

Glad to see she's doing well. Cat's would totally do this if they could talk.

This is so cute. Just like when you were in school!

Was it ever established what the heck living armor eats? Most shelled mollusks rely mostly on filter feeding, but that doesn't work so well in a terrestrial environment. Then again, we know monsters can supplement their diet with mana, and the mana in this dungeon awakens Kensuke later, so maybe they're super efficient to the point that they only need mana. And iron.

I love these dumbasses.

An important image.

Have I mentioned I love the dynamic these guys have?

One final precious image to end things off. What are the odds his wife is just off-screen?

Thanks to everyone who joined me for this tasty journey. I still have some other stuff cooking, so stay tuned! The Laios Got Eaten AU might be a bit. I'm struggling to figure out how they defeat Thistle or the Demon without Laios. I also have another AU I might write involving an OC. We'll see.

Have a great day, and may all your Meshi be Dungeon.

[lovelenivy]

you know what hate crimes md enjoyers, idk if this has been done before but i wanna start like a little tag game: i wanna know your favorite seasons in order, what you think is the best episode each season, your personal favorite ep from each season, any honorable mentions if you have them, and your least favorite/worst episode in your opinion. i'd also like to have you sort the main characters/fellows from favorite to least favorite, plus tell me your favorite ship (and optionally, a ship you enjoy and think is underrated)! feel free to toss in any explanations for why you chose what you did. (: kinda long, but oh well – feel like it'll be fun.

i'll go first (so you can see the format) – listing seasons from the best imo, to the worst, and the episodes.

Seasons:

1. Season 3

Best episode: one day, one room (?)

Favorite episode: merry little christmas

Honorable mention(s): cane and able, words and deeds, family, needle in a haystack

Least favorite episode: que sera sera (?)

it was hard to pick the best bc i'm biased towards merry little christmas, but i don't know if it would be the best of the season exactly. as for que sera sera, nothing really wrong with it but honestly i had a hard time picking a least favorite too. great season – to me it's like the classic house season.

2. Season 5

Best: birthmarks

Favorite: under my skin

Honorable mention(s): the softer side, last resort, both sides now, painless

Least favorite: big baby (?)

i literally just barely remember big baby compared to the rest, i think, no matter how many times i see it. amazing season though, honestly so up there with s3 for me that it became a tough choice.

3. Season 6

Best: help me

Favorite: wilson

HM(s): the down low, broken (part 1 & 2), baggage, lockdown

Least favorite: epic fail, remorse (?)

help me is such an amazing episode, it always makes me cry. epic fail is extremely annoying tho and idk why, like after i watched it more than once or twice i started having a hard time rewatching it. and honestly every time i watch remorse i get pissed off on thirteen's behalf and it's just not a fun feeling. not a bad episode though. i know a lot of people don't like s6 but i love it.

4. Season 2

Best: euphoria (part 1 & 2)

Favorite: no reason

HM(s): skin deep, distractions, hunting, clueless

Least favorite: sleeping dogs lie

i recently rewatched euphoria and it's so fucking good i legitimately cried. sleeping dogs lie isn't a bad episode, it just is frustrating to watch for many reasons. another classic house season.

5. Season 4

Best: house's head/wilson's heart

Favorite: house's head/wilson's heart, 97 seconds

HM(s): mirror mirror, you don't want to know, frozen, living the dream

Least favorite: the right stuff

nothing really wrong with the least favorite – it was honestly a tough choice. also i couldn't pick a favorite, it was so tough. i honestly really like this season despite how short and different it is.

6. Season 1

Best: detox

Favorite: detox

HM(s): three stories, histories, control, mob rules

Least favorite: heavy, everybody lies (pilot)

the pilot being orange just makes me laugh the whole time so it's hard to watch, and chase's insane fatphobia in heavy is just disturbing, which is the only reason it's a least favorite. for the best i was torn between three stories and detox, but i think detox is better. s1 is ranked so low bc of general weirdness.

7. Season 8

Best: the c-word, everybody dies

Favorite: the c-word

HM(s): dead & buried, twenty vicodin, nobody's fault, post mortem

Least favorite: we need the eggs

we need the eggs isn't bad, the case is just ??? weird and kinda sad tbh idk. i haven't rewatched the c-word yet but i remember it fondly, so i couldn't really choose a best episode. is picking the finale kinda dumb? maybe, idk. i like a lot of episodes from season 8 surprisingly, like most of them, but it's so different from the previous seasons with cuddy absent and the late addition of two new main characters that it can't be any higher for me.

8. Season 7

Best: after hours

Favorite: after hours, out of the chute

HM(s): unwritten, bombshells, the dig, moving on, fall from grace

Least Favorite: two stories

god i really can't stand rewatching two stories. idk what it is but the fucking kids that house gets stuck with in the principal's office are so annoying ??? probably my least fave episode in all of house. but despite how s7 is at the bottom, it did have some great episodes. just wasn't my favorite season at all, especially as someone who isn't really into huddy.

Characters:

from favorite to least favorite of the main characters –

1. House (of course)

2. Wilson

3. Thirteen

4. Cuddy

5. Chase

6. Foreman

7. Kutner

8. Cameron

9. Amber

10. Taub

11. Park

12. Adams

13. Masters

favorite ship: hilson (house / wilson)

underrated ship: thirteen / cameron, or chase / foreman

Tags:

anybody that wants to participate! i know it's kind of long so no sweat if you don't want to do it. i'm also indecisive so i had trouble picking episodes lmao

[sorrywh]

I don't want to scroll through the internet to look at reactions or discussions about anything in Doctor Who right now; I need a detox. I really need it. But for now, I'll say this:

In any work, if you see a character who wasn't there before in a particular episode or part of a franchise, and they occupy an important side character role, pay attention to what they show you and how they develop that character. Because this detail is not for nothing: no one will bother to develop a one-time character (like a tissue) for you just like that - they want you to get attached. And this is exactly what’s important – to hook you like a fish. The writer needs your emotional attachment to eventually play with your feelings and intentionally mess with your emotions. Or at least try. The goal is obvious, and I don't respect that. If your goal when writing something is merely to manipulate the emotions of your viewer/reader/player, then your work is worth nothing; it is as disposable as your character, whom you got rid of.

Xion in Kingdom Hearts is a textbook example. Kingdom Hearts doesn’t really bother with the development of character relationships very much – the trio of characters from Birth by Sleep only got one scene in the prologue that shows they are childhood friends (so poorly done that it could have been written in white text on a black background – they are childhood friends, their names are Terra, Ventus, Aqua, they train with Eraqus and take their exam tomorrow). Because their essence isn’t to be developed characters – they exist only for the villain Xehanort, to show how bad a villain he is, in case you didn’t get it from his goatee and bald head. The original trio showed their characters similarly, albeit in more detail and the execution was overral better. But 358/2 Days… no game in the franchise focused on the development of its characters’ relationships throughout the game as this game did. And, interestingly, it’s the only one where a character literally died, and their conflict revolved around this character. The development of Roxas and Xion’s relationship was central to the game, and Axel’s knowledge of who she was complicated the relationships within the trio. Why so much attention to this character? So you’d get attached to this character, and her death would be important to you as well as to the characters. At least that’s the intention. They want to influence their viewer; telling a story isn’t enough for them.

There is a donghua that got a reputation as a tear-jerker, and not for nothing – Link Click. In the first season, events were divided into cases. And the longest case lasted three episodes. No other story in that season, before or after, paid so much attention to the client’s life and past. Guess what happened at the end of that case? You're right, there was an earthquake, and all his close ones, except for the client, were dead. Especially much attention was paid to the death of the client’s mother. All this world-building of environment and character development was to make the viewer cry. Or the main victim of the whole season – Emma. Her death was at the center of attention twice. First, at the end of the first episode, and once more at the end of the season. And each time her death was preceded by a touching scene with her family and how much she missed them. The role of Emma in the second season was taken by Li Tianxi, a girl who lost her speech due to her mother’s request not to talk about her father beating her mother. She was also killed, and she spoke only at the end, the words taught to her by her brother, who made her “well-being” his life goal. All her character traits, all her development were aimed at her being killed to make the viewer feel sorry. Such utilitarian treatment of characters offends me because it turns out that the writer is not inventing living people only because characters should be developed to be their own personality, but to exchange this development to the viewer's emotions and tears.

The same thing happened with Doctor Who in this new episode. I like Rogue, he’s a good character. Even before his death, it was clear that nothing held him anymore after the death of the person he loved, and therefore his readiness to sacrifice himself at the end of the episode didn’t seem far-fetched, as it might in other similar cases. He is well depicted, he’s interesting, there is enough material to write a decent fanfic and build headcanons about his past and how he ended up like this. Big Finish will surely produce a box set or two with Jonathan Groff. Because there is potential, there is material, he is a formed character. Hence the question – why does he have so much detail? The reader of this post already knows the answer – to make the viewer sad. This, the author of this post suspects, is also why the Doctor's infatuation with Rogue is at the center of the narrative. There’s another "red flag" that was in this episode – the Doctor invited him to the TARDIS as his companion. Doctor Who has done this before. It did similar things with Victorian Clara. There also was a romantic subtext with the Doctor, also the Doctor invited her to the TARDIS, she also was an excellently developed character, superb companion material. The author of the post didn't even mention Astrid from “Voyage of the Damned.” Ominous, meaningful ellipsis…

What the author of this post wants to say with all this – don’t develop characters with the sole intention of eventually killing them off. Especially attaching them to any form of love story – a careful viewer will be wary. Especially in Doctor Who, where no love story with the Doctor ended well.

This will be an unpopular opinion but there is a Doctor Who episode where the secondary characters and the guest companion were well developed and didn’t even die!!! Which is wonderful. This episode is “The Hungry Earth/Cold Blood.” Nasreen is a fantastic character, and the entire supporting cast is well depicted. This example shows that what this post is about is possible and feasible. On this note, I conclude my essay.

[hellsgreatestfashionista]

((Disclaimer: All of this post is off character.))

"Wouldn't it be cool if Husk gambled with Valentino for Angel's-" No. It wouldn't. In this essay I will-

Wait. Let me give a bit of context. So, many of you reading this don't know that but when I feel like it, I like picking apart details about my obsessions and writing metas on them. That is actually majority of my content for my main blog, although that's mostly A:tla metas, with a few (two, I think) Velvette ones that I've already linked in my pinned post. I decided I wanted to write a Hazbin Meta (I was motivated by some fanfics I wrote and done interactions between @angie-long-legs and their tormentor anon), so I thought it'd be best to post it here. Here's the part where I put a title.

On Husk winning Angel's soul...

That felt good. I've missed this. So, moving on, no, I don't want to watch Husk gamble with Valentino for Angel's soul. And there's multiple reasons as to why. And I'm gonna list them all.

Staring of strong, Angel Dust is an addict, and he's addicted to Valentino. Valentino's pheromone to be exact. Just like with most addicts, if you take away the thing he is addicted to, he won't react too well. Who couldn't have thought. Killing Valentino or forcing Angel Dust to cut off contact with him by removing his soul from the moth's hands and locking him up at the hotel to detox would not end well. All the agony of the withdrawal that he was not mentally prepared for or agreed to will manifest to hatred towards the one responsible for this.

In the gambling scenario, that would be Husk. And hatred rooted in heartache is not the dynamic these two characters are going to follow, as we've already been told by Viv herself.

Additionally, I could see Angel Dust returning to Valentino, contract or not, simply because at this point in the show, he's not ready to go clean, not from Val's stuff, at least. It's highly probable that he doesn't even think it possible. And detoxing is hard like an alpha in a rut babes. If Angel Dust does not put his mind to it and Husk makes this call for him instead, he will not be able to commit to it. He will slip right back into that pattern. He has the ability to escape Val, by not showing up at the studio. As we know from episode 6, Valentino can only do whatever he wants in the studio. And as it was established in earlier episodes, Angel can just not return his boss' texts and not show up.

It's not the terms of the contract that prevent Angel from escaping Valentino, it's his addiction. Which is why simply breaking their contract won't be enough. In fact, by letting us know the terms of the contract, the show essentially tells us "Yeah, Angel can walk. He just doesn't want to. Not yet, at least." His addiction is the only thing keeping him there. So to escape, he must make the decision to put the effort required to go clean, and no one can drag that out of him. Husk gambling for his soul won't work. Husk can't save Angel in this situation. He must save himself. And when that happens, it's going to be an extremely important moment character growth for him.

Other than that, despite how much he wants us to think that, Valentino is not stupid. He understands people. In less than a quarter of an hour, and with less than 3 direct interactions, he got a good enough reading on Charlie to know he couldn't possibly make her go away by himself, so he got Angel to do it. He understood that that's her weak spot and utilized it.

All things considered, he'd be smart enough to not take the gamble. Husk doesn't have anything to offer him. He's not longer an overlord, he had no souls that are important to Valentino, to hold them over the moth's head and coax him into a game. He doesn't even have his own soul to bet. He has nothing Valentino would want. So even if winning Angel's soul was an good way to go about their characters and dynamics (which it's not), Valentino would not accept that gamble, because he had literally no reason to.

And here's where I put my signature mets catchphrase...

Thus proven.

[wundergeek]

As a level 100 Extrovert married to a level 100 Introvert, the pandemic forced us to create some real weird coping mechanisms.

Like. Something we started fairly early in the pandemic was me retiring to our bedroom one evening per week to remote-watch Star Trek with friends while pretending not to be home, because it was the only way we could recreate the feeling of me having gone out for the evening while our kid was asleep so that he could have the house to himself, while also giving ME an outlet for my Frustrated Extrovert energy that wasn't HIM.

[Sidebar: It's been my experience that people at extreme ends of the introvert/extrovert scale are very rare. However, they do exist (hi), and extreme opposites always marry each other.]

And honestly, it was really helpful identifying a thing I could DO to help my husband recharge - because that shit gets very non-obvious when you're co-parenting a twelve year old.

I still pretend not to be home just about every Saturday (I just move my computer upstairs and play FFXIV). But also, it's a thing I can offer when I can tell he's really over-peopled. Like, this weekend he's done tabletop roleplaying Friday night and tonight, and we supervised half-day outings with friends of our daughter both yesterday and today - which were great, but holy shit twelve year olds talk SO MUCH. So after our virtual tabletop session full of hilarity and wacky hijinx ended, I was like, why don't I vibe with my laptop upstairs while you detox? And. Like. I'm pretty sure that lots of people would think that's weird. But whatever. We've been together literally TWENTY FIVE YEARS so. It's weird, but it works.

[ghost-go-roasty-mctoasty]

I cant stop thinking about the bmol experimenting with Sam and thanks to @trials-era-sam confirming our hc with Sam's addiction (thank you Jared!!) i just had to write this-

"Names Sam. All we need are names." Toni repeats, tapping her pen against her stupid little notebook.

Even if Sam wanted to, he can't give her want she wants. He doesn't really know that many hunters to begin with, let alone all the hunters in the whole of the united states. Who does she think he is?

She sighs dramatically and puts both her pen and book down on the old table next to her, uncrossing her legs and standing up, taking a few steps closer to Sam.

"Fine." She muttered, "we'll just move onto the next phase, since you're choosing to be difficult."

She starts fishing around in her blazer pocket, in search for something, and Sam can tell she found what she was looking for when a small smile pulls against her lips and she slowly withdraws her hand out, holding what looks to be a small vial?

Sam tilts his head to try and get a better look at it. Is it another drug to induce hallucinations? A truth serum? Who knows what they've invented over across the Atlantic.

Toni scoffs at the confusion displayed on Sam's face, and holds out the vial for him to see, holding it up triumphantly as if she won a race or something.

The first thing he notices is how red it is. He stares for a few more seconds until he realizes, and he can practically feel all the air leaving his lungs.

They've been keeping tabs on him for a good 12 years, they know pretty much everything about him. He doesn't know why this didn't occur to him sooner.

"No." He practically hisses at her, his mind flooding with the pain of detox already. Although he doubts he will ever make it out of here, and hes kind of already given up trying to escape. Whats the point? Dean is dead, Cas will be fine without him. Lucifer is out there roaming free, theres nothing for him anymore.

He's completely content with these british people keeping him here.

But eventually he'll have to detox, he always does.

He can feel his heart starting to pick up pace.

The first detox was bad enough, but he can start to feel the panic raising at the thought of having to live through that now, what horrors would haunt him in his...less than stable state.

He doesn't know what he'd do if he has to see Lucifer or the cage again.

What atrocities would his mind conjure up this time?

He finds his mind rushing back to all the less than pleasant experiences in his life. How it felt to have an archangel inside of him. He thinks that’s why he didn’t realize Gadreel was in him for so long. In comparison to the searing pain of the literal devil in his body, some run of the mill angel was like a tick. Hardly worth his attention.

Toni clearing her throat snapped him out of his thoughts. He looked up at her again, and couldn't hide the fact that his hands were shaking.

"Sam," she began "you have made less than ideal choices in your life." A pointed glance towards him. "But, that doesn't mean you still can't be utilised. We as men of letters firmly believe in sufficiency, and your way of...terminating demons is much faster than any excorsim that we have on hand. Don't you think?"

Sam thinks that his heart is going to give out with how fast it is pumping. He can hear the blood rushing in his ears. The year of shame and regret with Ruby and all his mistakes crashing down on him.

"Please." He pleads, looking up at this awful woman through his wet hair. "You don't know what you're doing." He tries to reason with her, but with that glint in her eye, he knows shes not listening to a word he's saying.

"Cmon now Sammy, you can't tell me that you don't miss it." She exclaims, a soft undertone to her voice, as if shes trying to be understanding towards him. Sam scoffs.

And hangs his head in defeat.

They've burnt him, shot him, cut him up and probably broken a few ribs if his pain is any indication. He has no doubt that they will hesitate to do this to him too.

Hes just glad Dean won't be here to watch him turn into a monster again.

Everything Dean told him during that year comes rushing back as he clamps his mouth shut tight. He knows that this will happen to him with or without his consent, but he won't let it happen without a fight.

After all, she isn't Lucifer, he doesn't have to lay down and let her do whatever she wants to him. Hes allowed to fight back. And for Deans sake, he will try.

Toni notices Sams jaw muscles working, and sighs like a disapproving mother whose toddler just won't listen to her.

She roughly grabs Sams face and lifts his head up, making him look up at her.

And although his face is rock hard with determination, pure fear is flashing in his eyes.

He doesn't want to go back to that. To that feeling of desperately needing more and more.

Hes fought so hard against his addiction for so long now. Why is this happening? Chuck must think his life is a joke to do this to him.

But, he keeps his mouth closed tight as Toni tuts and pinches his nose closed, staring down at him patiently.

He hopes he's strong enough to let himself pass out before his mouth inevitably opens to let in air. At least then he could say he tried. But he knows the human body, he knows that when survival insticts kick in, he won't be able to fight it.

But he closes his eyes and tries to stay calm as toni pinches his nose tighter and grows more annoyed.

He starts to count.

Hes gotten to fifty seconds when his lungs really start to hurt.

67. His head has started to spin.

89. His teeth hurt from how hard he's clenching them.

92. He can feel the presence of the vial hanging above him like a carrot on a string. Patiently waiting for his mouth to open like they both know it will.

107. There are spots dancing behind his eyelids. He knows his body will betray him soon.

He lets out a silent prayer at second 115. Begging for someone to help him.

He wonders if Lucifer can hear him.

121. He gasps.

Before he can even suck in some precious air, the vial is being shoved in his mouth, and the metallic taste of blood on his tounge is the only thing his senses can focus on.

Its okay. Dont panic. He just has to spit it out like he did before. No biggie.

He ignores the way his body yearns for it. To swallow it. He ignores how his muscles are remembering how powerful they used to feel. He ignores how his throat is trying to gulp it down, actively working against the only rational part of Sam's brain.

The smell is overwhelming. The taste practically irresistible.

He doesnt have to swallow it. He doesn't have to let her win. He doesn't.

He goes to spit it out. Toni sees. She acts quicker than Sam can even realise.

She's pinching his nose again and roughly keeping her other hand over his mouth. Making sure that he can't possibly spit it out and cutting off all access to air.

Meaning he'll need to swallow it to be able to gasp for air.

He looks up at her with tears in his eyes. His head starting to spin again from lack of oxygen. He shakes his head softly, once again begging her not to do this to him, even though he knows this grovelling will get him nowhere.

She looks down at him with no emotion in her eyes. Even the smile on her face has faded. She just seems a bit bothered now. As if Sams resistance is just a small inconvenience to her.

He'll have to swallow soon. She knows it. They both know it.

Eventually Sam finds his throat working against him and swallowing down the sweet sweet blood.

As it goes down, he gasps out and Toni removes her hand. A satisfied smile on her face.

Sam, on the other hand though, couldn't be more disgusted with himself.

He would start crying if there was any liquid left in his body. He can already feel it. Feel the power thruming through his veins. He can feel his body yearning for more already, protesting that it wasnt enough.

He starts to shake. Silently sob. He cannot believe that this is happening to him again. That he has to go through this again, and all for what? Because some british people want to study him to see how he works and then do who knows what with him?

He starts sweating. Even that tiny amount enough to bring back a pretty severe addiction.

Toni sits back down looking smug. "How do you feel, Sam?"

He glares at her, although how effective it is with his shaking chin and dried tear streaks on his cheeks, he doesn't know.

"Alright." Toni nods at him and starts to make her way back up the stairs.

Sam starts to freak out, but refuses to show it. Not at least until she leaves the basement.

Theyre leaving him here. For how long? Are they going to make him go through detox now? Study his symptoms? Wait for him to start begging them for some more? Maybe, if Sams lucky enough, it wont be that bad, since it was only one small vial.

But he can already feel it. The way his head feels like it's getting squashed between two rocks, the way his stomach is rolling like he's about to vomit, the way his limbs are shaking quite violently.

Sam is never lucky. And this is going to hit him hard.

He hopes it doesnt get so bad that he starts begging for more blood. He'd never forgive himself if he fell that far.

He wishes Dean were still alive.

[corpsentry]

there’s something so epic about hetero chinese period dramas and i think one part of it is that there is absolutely nowhere in the narrative i could exist.

lately i’ve been on a western media detox— i’ve cleaned english language music out of my playlists and have never been able to stomach western dramas anyway, so that part is easy— which might seem funny, because if i’m in singapore and i hate it and i won’t touch american music then what’s left? the answer is the false binarism of chinese period dramas, at least for me. the badly written ones are misogynistic and stupid and the better ones are less of those things, but regardless the world that emerges is clean-cut and easy to parse. there’s someone to root for and someone to hate. there’s a girl and a boy. there’s the comedy and the drama, the sheer thick drama, the music that signals to you precisely how to feel before the scene even starts going

try to jam a fifth culture transnational transgender they/them with 2 mental illness and 1 autoimmune disease into this world and it simply doesn’t work. and that’s kinda epic lolzers! it’s like watching high fantasy, or super hardcore sci-if. it both represents a simulacrum of the real world and is so far from the reality you know that you understand it as a hypothetical universe, one that disincludes you on principle. i exclude myself from the story and in doing so fangfei from moyuyunjian’s steely gaze becomes all the more important. i give so many shits and laugh and yell and spectate. but i am safe from the eyes of its inhabitants. if i entered the story it would break. so i sit outside of it, clapping by myself

in other news, we gave up on mysterious lotus casebook 16 episodes in. there are many character archetypes in these shows that i can no longer stand; the salacious sexy seductive supervillain lady is not necessarily one of them but the way they did miss ‘this man didn’t even Look at me when all men fall at my knees so i hated him’ ‘no one is allowed to steal buttchin from me’ jiao was way up there. surely a woman can have multiple personality traits and yet you would think from this drama that that is not at all true. and the strange harem that grew around li lianhua despite his absolute loser attitude— like i get it, he’s the gintoki of this show, that’s hot, but the way the women who were into him were written made me want to Eat Horse. it bothered me that di feisheng and lianhua’s homo as fuck dynamic was so intriguing and them + fang duobing was a winning trio but all the women in the show were written like complete fucking ass, and one of the big antagonists being a woman, the stakes throughout were not only lost to me but also Pissed Me Off. also, that case about the corpse flowers dragged on forever and all my pocky wilted

I Just Think, women deserve better in these damn stories. make them slutty as hell, sure, but make them other things too and i mean this in the most generous sense. slutty and proud. slutty and weird. slutty and oblivious. literally anything at all so they don’t come out cardboard flat from all angles. this is why i have a personal vendetta against the ditzy clueless female protagonist as well because if everything stems from the fact that she doesn’t know shit it’s like please someone Please tell her shit i’m on my hands and knees begging. give her more to chew on she’s dying of boredom over there

this is why i liked the so called antagonist of blossoms in adversity best (spoilers ahead). he was cruel as hell to huazhi and gu yanxi’s only parental figure. he was paranoid and selfish and lonely and craved a son’s love from the one person he couldn’t hold onto. in the end he is pushed further and further by huazhi, who won’t give in, to isolate yanxi from the people he loves and to lash out at those people as a way of punishing yanxi. and when he dies it’s because of his own distrust, his own negligent parenting, his absent cruelty from decades of insomnia and lack of faith in his people. but he cries for yanxi, and there’s something so human about that. to think of evil not as a first principle but rather an adjective for a verb that is set in motion by other events. to be honest, i haven’t seen such thoughtful writing in any chinese period drama before or after that and i strongly suspect i will never see such writing again in this genre but man, it was so fucking good (spoilers end).

in the meantime, i’ve dragged my mother to moyuyunjian/the double for the return casting of liu xiening and wang xingyue who are Eating so hard. they’ve got wang xingyue done up with the sluttiest makeup and liu xiening is breaking my heart with her pout and her Sassy Mean constitution and this is a revenge story, yes, but it’s a double revenge story. it’s a grief story. and fangfei is carrying more on her shoulders than lingbuyi imo, and doing so with much more grace too. her step mom’s a dick but she’s a smart, 5d chess playing dick who wears hot shades of green so i’m personally interested enough to keep watching (something lotus casebook DID NOT accomplish with their epic female antagonist…. mein gotte). and the princess too. unhinged as hell but god, so charismatic. and beautiful, with scary big eyes and the sweetest head tilt. fun fun fun! that’s fun character writing right there. the comedy might be too straightforward for my tastes but everything else is kind of hot and sexy And after the coming of age ceremony when jiangli appeared amidst the flowers i felt my throat close up even though we saw her for all of one (1) episode). i was like yes. they got me alright. i Care now

really that’s all that matters isn’t it. we want stories about people we care for. we want to give a shit. why else would we listen to the stories of other people. we are looking for us and the people we love in them

oh also moyuyunjian soundtrack goes hard as hell i love a little three step waltz. here’s a pic from the ‘gym’ for ur time. guten night

[dangermousie]

More 2ha reread

It’s so interesting to see Mo Ran’s understanding in the past life try to work around the edges of the curse - not noticing inconsistencies in his own views which are blatant but the curse does not allow him to notice - for example, Mo Ran 1.0 remembers how TXJ even wondered at the contrast of how CWN was good to strangers and random people but so cold to his students; and the curse prevented him from thinking about this seeming inconsistency (even more inconsistent since the only two people MR would have thought he was bad to was him and Shi Mei since he knew (rightly) that CWN cared for Xue Meng.) The curse literally prevented someone as quick as he is to even wonder about why and how this was. It’s like his remembering thinking CWN was the last piece of warmth in his cold world when he was TXJ and he does not think why he thinks that of his enemy, why he thinks that his greatest joys and strongest emotions in past life were from CWN and not Shi Mei or conquest or whatever. You can tell he is beginning to snap out of it when he is wondering how he can lust after someone he hates so much - that’s because you don’t hate him!

Perhaps the most telling inconsistency is his thinking that he did three unforgivable things towards CWN in the original timeline and one of them was marriage (tho we don’t know that yet if we are reading for the first time) and he thinks of marrying CWN as the most gratifying thing in his life- marrying not defeating or fucking. (And he also feels guilt  for this and that the price was too high for making CWN kneel - once again, because he is waking up.)

One of the joys of a reread is watching the curse slowly lose its potency and Mo Ran regain not just more and more of himself in terms of feelings, but ability to reason. It’s like he’s waking up. He wants to make CWN angry and he does not know why (I know - because he wants attention!), his first reaction on seeing CWN asleep in a pile of his inventions is pity (and only later he remembers to gloat). He is “wow cool!” when CWN shatters a cursed tablet and a little later finds himself thinking CWN’s voice is pleasant to listen to now that he’s not filled with rage at the thought of him. It’s like watching someone detox! At one point, when MR watches the sniveling merchant family without feeling moved, the Russian translation says that the reason he is not moved is “Mo Ran was deprived of the feeling of pity” and that is basically a Russian phrase to say someone is lacking in that feeling but it struck me how accurate it actually is - because Mo Ran WAS deprived of the feeling of pity or any other warm and good feeling and only now they are slowly coming on line. 

But also, as a rereader, the cracks in Shi Mei’s perfect facade appear so clearly. For example, look at Shi Mei bringing wontons to MR after the whipping. If he truly was caring and wanted to reconcile, he’d tell Mo Ran who made the wontons instead of not only keeping it quiet but also trying to cause more trouble “oh teacher was too harsh on you” SHUT UP DUDE!

Speaking of Shi Mei - I still remember being so sad at the wonton revelation and thinking “if only Mo Ran knew in the beginning, things would be different” but the real tragedy is due to the curse it wouldn’t have made a damn lick of difference. If he knew, the curse would just have made him forget it. (Also, in your face Shi Mei, who constantly keeps prodding whether MR prefers the wontons or other stuff Shi Mei actually makes himself and MR always says wontons. Even MR’s tastebuds are devoted (Side note - did you notice that when MR is cleaning CWN’s library, he notices two cookbooks and they are both about Sechuan cooking - so spicy spicy spicy not what CWN himself likes - I nearly screamed because he clearly has them so he’d know how to cook wontons!) Btw, so grimly amused at SM trying to come up with excuses as to why he can’t randomly make wontons for MR, that’s because you don’t make them, liar!) 

It’s like the kiss in the mist - Mo Ran devours “Shi Mei” only to discover it’s CWN and you know, his body knew even when his soul didn’t because it’s clear only CWN evokes this mad desire in him. At one point, MR thinks that he does not feel desire for Shi Mei because he’s such a pure person but that’s the thing - MR is not asexual, he’s a strongly physical person so he cannot really love someone without desiring them and this is a huge red flag of how this is all fake.

So much of it reads so differently - Mo Ran thinking he is so grateful to Shi Mei for being the only one who does not despise his rough manners and habits and past when we know that Shi Mei loathes him and looks down on him and CWN is the one who truly does not care about any of it but cares about MR deeply. So much of this story is about seeming vs reality - even the seemingly random side quests deal with this - the seemingly respectable merchant family who are murderers and thieves, the seemingly perfect Rufeng sect that is anything but, the seemingly weak and gentle Shi Mei who is neither, etc etc etc. What people present themselves as and what they actually are is quite different. In a way, Mo Ran 1.0′s whole persona plays into this. Meatbun is so skillful about it - when you first read the book, between the continuous mentions that he used to be evil tyrant TXJ and Mo Ran’s own gonzo thoughts, what ends up hidden in plain sight is that except for Mo Ran robbing the hooker in the very beginning (when he is most under influence of the curse and just got TXJ memories to boot), he does not do anything whatsoever that is outside the realm of a slightly acting out teenager. I mean, drawling x-rated sketches in CWN’s unused books? Not being cuddling to crying strangers? (But still continuing with the mission to help.) LIKE THE KID DOES NOTHING BAD A GRUMPY TEEN WOULDN’T DO!

Not related, but the scene near the beginning where CWN eats alone and MR either is smug about that or one time he eats with him annoys him on purpose is so different from the latter scene where he sits and eats with him every day but also makes sure he eats well (one of my favorite sequences tbh).