#i was gonna get stuff to set up today but then ended up working 5am to 3:40pm and was like lol nope i am going home

[killerchickadee]

Soon

Soon

SOON

[danieyells]

Could I pretty please ask for any Haru stuff you found? 🥺 I've been afflicted with the Haru simp disease and only information/content of him can cure me 🛐

HARU'S CHANGED MY FEELINGS ON HIM not that i disliked him at all before but like. . .you know how he acts like the team mom? His voicelines make this worse. I thought he was more like a meddlesome but chill guy with a lot of energy. The truth is this poor man is a single mother with two unruly kids, a house full of animals, and VIRTUALLY NO HELP BESIDES YOU. No wonder he drinks nearly every fucking night. I get why Jabberwock doesn't have ordinary students but jesus christ please get some helpers in here. My man is overworked.

I ended up putting almost all of them in because. . .he is struggling poor boy. I have officially edited this to contain all of Haru's voicelines! Sorry for the wait!!

Hello: (the first time the game is opened after that character is set as home screen NPC. Only happens once per day, unless the character is switched out and back.)

"Hey, nice timing! One sec, I've just gotta finish feeding everyone."

You've Got Mail: (whenever there's something in the inbox, usually Arena rewards)

"You've got some letters! Better open them before that goat lookalike makes a meal out of them!"

Default: (requires no affinity, has no time constraints)

"Folks are going wild over the Anomalous Animal Back To Nature Tour, and this is your chance to experience it at a discount rate! C'mon, help me hand out these fliers!"

"Everyone stuffs up sometimes. Don't let it get to you—just think of it as a funny story you can pull out later and laugh at! Gahaha!"

the only way he knows how to cope with his pain is to laugh at it. . .my therapist told me that was good actually! he's well adjusted! disregard the nightly drinking.

"You sure are fond of {PC}, aren't you, Peekaboo? You did nothing but bite me for the first three days after we met."

tbf you were from another house and it was probably fresh after the clash. . . .

"You reckon I work hard? Nah, this is nothing to write home about. All right, let's head to the next zone!"

"Hey, nice work out there today! Let's knock a few more jobs off the list then take a break, hey?"

oh my god you take breaks? or are you telling the player to take a break while you keep overdoing it. . . .

Affinity 1: (between 5am and 11am)

"Morning! Let's get this show on the road!"

Affinity 2: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Hey, {PC}! What a coinkydink! I just finished my rounds."

Affinity 3: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Ren? He's working at that whacky restaurant again. I'll have to go pick him up later."

Affinity 4: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Towa's off to that hill again? I was gonna ask him to hold down the fort... Guess I'll have to stay put tonight."

Affinity 5: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Am I tired? Nah, don't worry, if there's two things I have confidence in it's my stamina and my bad luck!"

Affinity 6: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"The Sinostra folks are causing a kerfuffle again... I don't need any of that! You should take care not to get dragged into their mess too, you hear?"

Affinity 7: (between 11am and 4pm)

"You wanna know how to get the animals to like you? You just gotta show how much you love them, like this— Ow! Don't bite me, Peekaboo!"

Affinity 8: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"None of our critters have warmed to Ren at all, even though he spends all day with them... Guess that handsome face only works on humans."

Affinity 9: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Phew, time for a bre— Hm? That sounded like the Capybus! I'm gonna go check on her, watch Peekaboo for me!"

Affinity 10: (between 10pm and midnight)

"All right, the kids are all in bed. I'll just ask those two to hold down the fort, then I'll head out for a little walk..."

Affinity 11: (between 5am and 11am)

"I went to wake that sleepyhead Ren up this morning, but it was like he couldn't see me even though he was looking straight at me. Reckon his eyesight's bad?"

Affinity 12: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Course I eat, don't worry about that! Just earlier I pinched some of Peekaboo's veggies when I was making his lunch and had them with a piece of bread!"

Please eat food. . . .

Affinity 13: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"So much to do... Gotta take in the washing and get the shopping done... Argh! There's not enough hours in the day!"

Affinity 14: (between 5am and 11am)

"This? It's an energy drink. Don't feel like the day's started till I have one. (gulp) (gulp) Pwaaah!"

PLEASE EAT FOOD AND SLEEP. . . . . . . . .

Affinity 15: (between 5am and 11am)

"Ah man, there's soap all over the walls again! You're so good at playing with the animals Towa, if you could just learn how to clean up after you'd get full marks..."

Towa i love you but please help your mother boyfriend captain. . . .

Affinity 16: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Ah! I can't do dogs! How'd you get in here?! Towa!! Come here!! No!! Don't bite me!!"

He is terrified of dogs????? Towa absolutely electrocuted the shit out of that dog. Rip in pieces. That dog truly fucked around and found out. It will never go in the dorm again.

Affinity 17: (between 10pm and midnight)

"Thanks for helping out again today, you're a real lifesaver. Sorry I can't walk you back..."

Affinity 18: (between 8pm and 5am)

"You reckon I look like an acrobat when I'm using my stigma? Gahaha! Maybe I'll practice balancing on a ball then!"

Baby no you are not a clown please what if you break something again--

Affinity 19: (between 10pm and midnight)

"...(gasp) Crap, I fell asleep... Did you put this blanket on me? Cheers... Maybe I'll grab a few more minutes..."

Affinity 20: (between 5am and 11am)

"I swore I'd take responsibility for protecting all the lives in this park. I can't let anyone die on my watch."

Affinity 21: (between 11am and 4pm)

"I don't know where I'd be without all the critters in this place if I'm honest with you. Well, gotta be my animal magnetism that's keeping them here anyway! Gahaha!"

Affinity 22: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Hm? There's some critters whose nails were getting dangerously long so I was giving them a clip. Come here, I'll do yours too if you want!"

Affinity 23: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Oh, off for a cheeky night out? Gahaha! I know a good place, want me to take you?"

get wasted with him and give him somebody to talk to!! he needs someone besides romeo and rui to listen to him rant sometimes!

Affinity 24: (between 10pm and midnight)

"A soft bed to lie down in and someone to chat with till I drift off... I'm really living the high life here."

He's a simple man. . .it's easy to imagine him holding your hand here while he dozes off. . . .

Affinity 25(max): (no time constraints)

"Really learned the ropes here, haven't you? Once we have a little cash to spare, I'll buy you your own Jabberwock uniform!"

they must be expensive if it takes until Affinity 25 to get you one! He's so conscious about his finances(disregard all of the stuff he buys and never uses--) that being given a purchased gift is surely the highest tier of affection from him haha. But also. . .he treats the anomalous animals and oftentimes even the other ghouls in Jabberwock like they're his kids. This is his way of saying 'you're part of this family too.' Which is very sweet.

Spring: (March-May) (between 5am and 11am)

"Today's shearing day for the fluffy squad! It's actually a pretty hefty task, so I've gotta hop to it if I want to be done before summer..."

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Bucket, check. Trowel, check. Me and Towa are heading to the mountains to pick some veggies. You wanna come?"

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"We've been getting a lot of balmy days lately, and the sun's up longer. Can't help but dilly-dally when I'm working..."

(between 8pm and 5am)

"I've gotta clean out all the sparrow nests soon or they won't be able to look after their kiddos properly. Looks like there's... 61 nests total..."

Summer: (June-August) (between 5am and 11am)

"A lot of customers have been saying they wanna stay cool in the summer so I changed up the course. Now we have a special summer-only waterside tour!"

(between 11am and 4pm)

"It's hot so I invited Ren to go fishing, but his face screwed up like a prune and he yelled at me. What's he got against fish?"

Probably the same thing you have against dogs. . . .

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Phew... Finally finished harvesting all the feed crops for the day... Everyone's health is dependent on their quality, so now's the time to do it right."

(between 8pm and 5am)

"Lotta bugs around this time of year... But they're important for the food chain, so I've gotta take care of them... Argh!! Give it a rest with the buzzing!"

Autumn: (September-November) (between 5am and 11am)

"Hey, nice timing! I'm about to make a fire with the dead leaves I collected so I can bake some potatoes, take a seat!"

(between 11am and 4pm)

"I like the Jabberwock uniforms. They're made out of high-performance fabric that keeps you warm when it's cold out and safe when you're handling venomous critters!"

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"The hibernation squad's gonna start eating us out of house and home this month... The food bill's gonna be rough... Eeek!"

(between 8pm and 5am)

"You reckon that's a rabbit on the moon? No way, it's a toad! C'mon, look closer!"

apparently the pareidolic toad in the moon is a Chinese myth! I wonder if they mean to suggest Haru is actually Chinese.

Winter: (December-February) (between 5am and 11am)

"Rounds are quicker in winter since some of the critters hibernate. Makes things a little easie— Why's the kitchen on fire?!"

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Brr... Can't help but get green-eyed looking at the furry critters when it's this cold..."

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Nice and toasty... Hm? I'm talking about Peekaboo! He's better than a hot water bottle in this weather!"

Haru putting Peekaboo on your tummy when you're having cramps or just in pain in general is a cute mental image, especially since Peekaboo likes you lol

(between 8pm and 5am)

"It's cold outside so some of the critters have been sneaking into our rooms at night. You heard Ren scream just now, right?"

His birthday: (September 20th)

"It's my birthday?! Oops, totally slipped my mind... Thanks for remembering!"

Your birthday:

"Happy birthday. The Capybus is all yours today—I've got a custom birthday tour all planned out for you!"

New Years: (January 1st)

"Happy New Year! How'd I ring it in? I was milking the cow and when I looked up I'd totally missed the first sunrise! Gahaha!"

Valentine's Day: (February 14th)

"You're kidding, I can really have this?! They say a little sugar helps sweeten a tired day! Thanks a million, this'll keep me going a while!"

White Day: (March 13th)

"Ta-da! I bought you some hand cream, for the chocolate you got me last month. Thanks for everything you do here."

hand cream when you do all of that manual labor and probably have to wash your hands a lot is a really practical gift actually, gg haru

April Fool's Day: (April 1st)

"Can you believe this? Ren got up early, and Towa fed everyone for me! ...Tried to make a joke for April Fools but it just made me feel empty inside..."

Halloween: (October 31st)

"Check it out! The pumpkin Capybus, in town for three days only! I sacrificed sleep and some of our budget to get her ready!"

If it's painted I really hope that paint is waterproof. . .never know when Towa's gonna make it rain. . . .

Christmas: (December 25th)

"Merry Christmas! This is a reindeer, she lives up in the mountains! And I'm Sagara Claus! Gahaha!"

just don't let romeo see it lolol

Idle: (about 20 seconds without interacting with the game) (below 13 affinity)

"Hey there, miss! Looking gorgeous as ever! ...Wait, I was kidding! Come back!"

(13 affinity and above)

"You seem pretty flat out today... Nothing for it, I'll get a few other things out of the way while I wait for you to get back."

Absent: (logging in for the first time in 2 or more days?)

"Phew, that's a relief... I was worried one of ours ate you... Glad to see you back."

Once again. . .an absolute sweetheart. And a single mother who is desperately in need of some help around the house. That April Fool's line really got me lolol poor guy. All of his have a lot of energy to them so i feel like i posted more than Haku, who's kind of a more low key guy lol. . . .

[mlobsters]

supernatural s8e14 trial and error (w. andrew dabb)

is this when the trials happen? i haven't read much stuff with specifics around those. nonsense but 5am and it's that bright out and it's january?? where??? lol (not on a boat in missouri)

the sentimental music while dean is setting up his room again reminds me of princess bride. think i've made that comment before (yes: speaking of manufactured conflict, this thing with garth and dean over bobby. dean snapping at him, garth getting upset. mushy music that reminds me of the princess bride)

s8e14 dean and mushy music / the princess bride once upon a time...storybook love c. mark knopfler

strings with that plucked acoustic guitar apparently is the princess bride sound to me

and oh have i heard about the memory foam mattress lol

that they stopped a pretty blurry shaky pan across the room to focus on the bed is making me laugh way too hard

sweet moment, letting us see sam is happy with dean settling in

.... okay.

LOL he picked him up like a toddler, that was adorable

SAM So, what – God wants us to take the SATs? KEVIN I-I guess. Uh, he works in mysterious ways. DEAN Yeah, mysterious, douche-y ways. All right. Where do we start?

SAM I know. I do. But trust me on this – this whole "saving the world" thing – it's a marathon, not a sprint. You got to take better care of yourself.

really nice (dad) moment there with sam and kevin

meanwhile dean swooping in to be the irresponsible drug supplying dad and give him groceries

ma'am

you sent dean on a face journey

CINDY Really? Keep it coming, Ken doll.

oh now sam gets called ken doll, dean was too back at biggerson's s7e9 from the reaver side effect of the turducken leviathan ooze

SAM Right. [SAM leans into DEAN's phone.] Hey, Kevin, uh, you did great, man. Get some sleep.

dad sam with the positive reinforcement, love to see it

DEAN Crowley. Poncy guy, about yea big, mountain of dicks.

--

SAM Uh, they're on lockdown, and you need backup. DEAN No, I don't. SAM Yes, you do. DEAN No, I need you to be safe, Sam, okay? That's what I need. SAM What? What am I – when are WE ever safe? DEAN This is different. SAM How? DEAN Because of the three trials crap – God's little obstacle course. We've been down roads like this before, man – with Yellow-Eyes, Lucifer, Dick friggin' Roman. We both know where this ends – one of us dies... Or worse. SAM So, what – you just up and decided it's gonna be you? DEAN I'm a grunt, Sam. You're not. You've always been the brains of this operation. SAM Dean— DEAN And you told me yourself that you see a way out. You see a light at the end of this ugly-ass tunnel. I don't. But I tell you what I do know – it's that I'm gonna die with a gun in my hand. 'Cause that's what I have waiting for me – that's all I have waiting for me. I want you to get out. I want you to have a life – become a man of Letters, whatever. You, with a wife and kids and – and – and grandkids, living till you're fat and bald and chugging Viagra – that is my perfect ending, and it's the only one that I'm gonna get. So I'm gonna do these trials. I'm gonna do them alone – end of story. You're staying here. I'm going out there. If landshark comes knocking, you call me. If you try to follow me, I'm gonna put a bullet in your damn leg.

intermission for me to sob for a while. i hate when he's like this. i hate how little he values himself at times because it slams into suicidal so fast. and of course because they're settling into a home, they're both happy, the show had to do it. and then how they ended the series.. maybe someday i'll come to be okay with dean dying at 42, but today isn't that day. i need to just finish watching this

glad we get to see the hellhounds finally and that they went a route that we can't see much and worked to the strengths of the cgi

DEAN Sam, I didn't pass the test. SAM But I did... And I'm doing the rest of them. DEAN My ass you are! SAM I'm closing the gates. It's a suicide mission for you. DEAN Sam... SAM I want to slam hell shut, too, okay? But I want to survive it. I want to live, and so should you. You have friends up here, family. I mean, hell, you even got your own room now. You were right, okay? I see light at the end of this tunnel. And I'm sorry you don't – I am. But it's there. And if you come with me, I can take you to it. DEAN Sam, be smart. SAM I AM smart, and so are you. You're not a grunt, Dean. You're a genius – when it comes to lore, to – you're the best damn hunter I have ever seen – better than me, better than dad. I believe in you, Dean. So, please – please believe in me, too.

that's what dean and i needed to hear too. thank you, sam. and thank you dean for not fighting him on it.

i know how this plotline wraps up, more or less, but none of the details. thinking about my fuckup vs righteous man feelings, how sam is regularly put in that role of having to apologize for messing up. but has made these two big sacrifices. the pit for ruby, the trials for amelia. but i've also been in my sam feelings more lately so my read on anything might be skewed. gotta take turns getting tortured by some deity/deity-adjacent-thing

[rolandtowen]

three times Zuko comes into the Jasmine Dragon coffee shop, and one time Sokka leaves with him. Set in the Neurodiverse Zukka AU, but can read as a standalone.

*banging pots and pans together* "Come over here and get yall Neurodiverse Zukka!"

Read it on Ao3 or under the cut!

TW: discussions of skin picking and implied child abuse

i.

When Sokka pulls into the parking lot of the Jasmine Dragon, he is unsurprisingly the first car there. Being a freshman in town means getting the worst pick of shifts at local businesses. Sokka was hired on to work the opening shift, which means he wakes up at the ungodly hour of 5am to open the shop before the first round of sleep-deprived college students comes in. The pay isn't bad, Mr. Iroh is an incredibly fair man,

The bell on the door jingles on his way in, and he flips several light switches on, watching as the coffee shop slowly comes to life. He busies himself with getting the beans for the day grinding, pulling his first shot and dialing in the expresso. When he takes a sip, the espresso is spot on for the day, which is a relief. Having to make adjustments as customers start filing in is a nightmare.

Today's brew is floral and citrusy, so he decides to make himself and iced lavender latte - with oat milk, of course, because he's gotta do it for the gays - and he spends the next 20 minutes setting out pastries and fiddling with the display cases, making everything look perfect.

At 6am sharp, Sokka unlocks the front door and flips their sign to open, before retreating behind the bar to nurse his latte. Not even five minutes later, the door bell jingles, and Sokka sees a flash of dark hair, face obscured by a pile of textbooks and binders. The figure runs into one table, and then another, and Sokka is rushing out from behind the counter. He gets there just before textbooks go toppling everywhere, his hands taking a firm hold of the top bundle. As he pulls the books into his arms, he sees the face behind them.

Breathtaking golden eyes.

And.. a massive burn scar.

"Hi!" Sokka says, "I'm the barista on shift today - my name's Sokka." He would reach his hand for the other man to shake, but for the stack of textbooks in them.

Golden Eyes smiles.

"I'm Zuko, Zuko Sozin," he says, setting his remaining textbooks on the table by his side. Sokka follows suit.

"Hey, I think I've seen you before - are you taking Piandao's Intro to Biology class?"

"Uh, yeah - yeah! You sit a few rows in front of me." Zuko laughs. "Your doodles are uh, something alright."

Sokka knocks him good-naturedly on the shoulder. "I gotta keep my hands busy for my brain to focus." He looks down at the stack of books on the table. "What on earth are you studying, to have that many books?"

"Uh, Biology and Chemistry double-major, Pre-Med track." Sokka's eyes widen. "It's really not that much! I got a bunch of stuff out of the way with AP credits."

Sokka raises an eyebrow.

"Okay, it is a lot - but I'm really passionate about it. I want to be a doctor."

"Well, Dr. Sozin, what can I get started for you today?"

"Can I get a iced matcha, with a lot of honey?"

Sokka raises his other eyebrow. "A doctor with a sweet tooth?"

"Kind of?"

"Don't worry, I won't rat you out to your dentist. An iced matcha with extra honey?" Zuko nods and Sokka smiles. "You got it, doc."

ii.

Sokka falls into a routine at the Jasmine Dragon. He opens the shop every morning, and every morning of the fall semester so far, Zuko Sozin comes in at precisely 6:05am. Zuko will order an iced matcha with honey, and sits at a table by the window with his laptop and at least two textbooks open at all times. Then, at 11:50am - Sokka guess he has a class that starts at noon - Zuko leaves the shop, always making sure to throw his spare change into Sokka's tip jar.

He's so beautiful.

On a slow day, Sokka comes out from behind the safety of the counter and works up the courage to ask Zuko if he can study with him. Zuko looks shocked at first, but his lips quirk up in a smile as he gestures for Sokka to sit in the chair across from him, moving his textbooks to make room for Sokka's one book and laptop.

"What are you studying, Sokka?" Zuko appears to be genuinely interested.

"Oh, uh, social work, with a concentration in mental health." Sokka waits for Zuko to laugh at him. It never comes. He looks up at him over their laptops.

"That's really cool."

"You think so?"

"Yeah! I mean, some pre-med majors can be really pretentious, really dismissive of mental illness, but um - not me. I don't really have that luxury." Zuko laughs, as though at a joke with himself. "What's the Intro to Biology for, then?"

"Not all of us got our common core out of the way with AP credits, like some nerd I know." Zuko smiles at that, and looks back down at his laptop screen.

Sokka pulls his keys from his pocket and starts fidgeting with the stim toy he keeps on his keychain as he reads through his latest assignment for his Mental Illness and Society class. He bought it on Etsy, relieved to find a neurodivergent-owned shop after scrolling through a lot of stores that just seemed to be hopping on the 'trend' of selling fidget toys. He flips to the next page in his textbook, popping the buttons back and forth in a steady rhythm. He remembers Zuko's sitting across from him and stops abruptly.

"Is this annoying? Do you want me to stop?"

Zuko just cocks his head. "Why would I get a say in what you do? It's kind of your shop, right?"

"Um, to be polite?" Sokka laughs. "And you would be surprised how many customers I get who think they get to tell me what to do." His eyes settle on the half drunk latte in front of him. "It's not really my shop either, I just work the early morning shifts so Mr. Iroh can sleep in. If you ever get to stay past noon sometime, you'll see him come in. You can't miss him, short guy, talks in riddles. He's older, a war vet I think - I just get that impression from some of the stories he tells me. But anyway, did you want me to stop fidgeting?" Sokka looks back up to meet those golden eyes.

Zuko glitches for a second. "Oh! No, no, go for it - if it helps you to study, I'm all for it."

Sokka smiles, and looking at the way Zuko keeps picking at his cuticles gives him an idea. He digs into his backpack and pulls out another stim toy, an acupressure ring. ""Do you want to try this instead of maiming your hands?"

Zuko hesitantly holds out a hand and Sokka drops it into his palm. "You don't have to."

Sokka scoffs. "I know I don't have to - I want to. Come on, I wear it on my thumb sometimes -" and suddenly he's taking Zuko's hands into his and getting very close to Zuko's face. Zuko can smell espresso on his clothes and Sokka's hands are so warm against his. Calloused, sure, but warm. He holds Zuko's right hand gently, pressing the spiky ring onto his thumb. "And you can rub it back and forth with your pointer finger and it gives you that kind of prickly sensation that you get from skin picking, just without the skin picking." Sokka pulls his hands away and Zuko immediately misses them. "Give it a shot, tell me what you think."

Zuko tentatively rolls the ring over his thumb. Huh. The cute barista's right, the acupressure gives him that same prickly, scratchy feeling that picking at his nails and cuticles does. "Wow," he says, "I think you've converted me."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Then keep it, I've got a thousand more where that came from, ADHD perks."

Zuko instinctively opens his mouth to protest but the words die in his throat.

"You, you have ADHD?" He stops rolling the ring across his thumb.

"Yup." Sokka's lips popped on the 'p', and he turned to the next page in his textbook. "And I'm pretty sure you've got some spicy stuff happening your brain, too. But you don't have to tell me."

"How are you so open about it?"

Sokka's hand stills around the fidget. "My parents never treated me like I was deficient in any way - my brain just works differently, which means I have trouble with some 'normal' stuff. But I also strengths in areas that others don't have naturally. Accommodations aren't anything to be ashamed of."

"Sounds nice." All of the levity drops out of Zuko's voice.

Sokka levels a look at Zuko. He lets his eyes flit to the right side of Zuko's face and the scar there. He's seen it so many times, and the burns look so concentrated, almost... intentional. His stomach churns at the thought. The scar's old... and Zuko's at college now, he has to be safe - he has to be.

"Like I said, you don't have to tell me." Sokka's hand starts to fidget with the buttons again. "But I have it on good authority that I am a good listener."

"I'll... I'll keep that in mind." Zuko looks down at his hands, fingers rolling the ring back and forth against his thumb. "Thank you."

"Anytime, doc."

iii.

Somehow, fumbling through their collective social awkwardness, they manage to swap numbers.

At the end of the fall semester, Sokka texts Zuko for the first time.

S: hey, im gonna be a few minutes later. don't worry, im still coming.

Z: okay. thank you.

When Sokka finally pulls into the parking lot fifteen minutes late, he sees Zuko waiting outside the door, sitting on a bench, head buried in one of his chemistry textbooks.

"Hey," he puts his keys in the door. "You can just come in while I open, it won't take too long."

Zuko follows him inside, and he closes the door against the chill.

"You didn't have to text me," Zuko says, like it's a question.

"I wanted to," Sokka starts flipping on light switches. "I know you've got your routine, and I didn't want to stress you out when it got messed up."

"Why would that matter to you?"

"Um, I don't want you to be stressed? I kind of care about you."

"You... you care about me?" Zuko stands in the middle of the coffee shop, unmoving.

Sokka smiles. "Yeah, I think I do."

"Why?"

"I think we could be friends?"

"Oh." Zuko's face falls for a second - what Sokka has come to understand is his 'processing' face - and he looks back up a second later. "I think we could be friends too."

"Friendship with a barista has great perks, you know." Sokka laughs as he starts up the grinder. "Although the perks of a social worker friend aren't too bad either."

"How's that going? With your first semester ending?" Zuko sits on a stool at the bar and watches Sokka putter around behind it.

"Well, I'm going to pass Intro to Biology, not for lack of trying on Piandao's part - I swear he's trying to weed out all the humanities kids. It isn't even a weed out course!" He polishes an espresso glass furiously. "How are you doing?"

Zuko chokes. "Oh, I'm - I'm fine, you know it's a hard class and all -"

"You're getting an A, aren't you?" Sokka squints at him from behind a bag of coffee beans. "Curve breaker," he scoffs.

"Hey, it's not my fault that I'm, what did you call it? A 'burnt-out gifted kid with people pleasing tendencies'." Zuko crosses his arms and huffs at the memory of that conversation. Sokka had read him like a picture book. And it was not fair for one person to be that good at emotions.

"You are correct, I did indeed call you that." Sokka pulls the first shot of the morning. "And it looks like I was right."

"You know what you said the other week, about being a good listener?"

"Sure do," Sokka takes a sip of the espresso, swishing it around in his mouth before spitting it out. "What's on your mind?"

"Well, if we're going to be... friends, I just think you'd want to know that - I'm autistic." Zuko stares at Sokka searching his face for any cues about what the next words out of his mouth will be, waiting for the facade of friendship to drop. He furiously rolls the acupressure ring up and down his thumb.

"Okay, that's great!"

"...what."

Zuko's hands freeze and he squeezes the ring against his skin, feeling the pressure increase.

"That's great, I'm glad you felt safe enough to tell me that. I kind of guessed your parents weren't as accommodating as mine?"

Zuko laughs something sour. "No, no they were not." He looks up in surprise as Sokka puts an iced matcha, extra honey, in front of him. "You're right though, I do feel safe here. I feel safe with you." Zuko looks down at the acupressure ring on his thumb, softening his grip. "You could have totally ignored me, but you didn't. Or you could've been mean about my quirks - but you weren't. Why?"

"Well, for starters, you tip well." Sokka smiles and leans across the counter, bracketing Zuko's elbows in with his own. "But you're also a really great guy - you're passionate, you want to make people's lives better, and you're also like, really beautiful."

Zuko feels his cheeks flush. "You really think that?" His fingers still against the fidget again, but he doesn't feel the need to press it into his skin. He's captivated by Sokka's words. Surely, Sokka couldn't actually mean -

"Oh, yeah. Every bit." Sokka brushes his hand against one of Zuko's, the one with the fidget ring. "Can I hold your hand?"

"Yes, please, yes." After weeks, Sokka's hand is back in his, and Zuko thinks he's going to implode. "Can, can you hold both of my hands? With both of your hands?"

"Of course," Sokka's positively beaming, grabbing Zuko's hands and running his thumbs across his knuckles. "Now you're absolutely allowed to say no to my next question, and there are no hard feelings."

"Yes?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"Fuck yes."

The iced matcha is forgotten.

+ i

Sokka's feet hurt like hell. Mr. Iroh had called in him to work a double on Friday, and since he doesn't have any classes on Fridays, he foolishly agreed.

It won't seem so foolish once you see the paycheck, he reminds himself. He and Zuko have a deal. Zuko pays for his medical school with his job shelving books at the University library, and Sokka pays for their tiny apartment by caffeinating all of the other broke college kids in town. By some miracle, they seem to be able to make it work. Zuko graduated into the medical college a year early, which helps with tuition costs, and of course his brilliant boyfriend got all kinds of scholarships.

Sokka is indescribably proud of him.

The door bell jangles just as Sokka is wiping the crumbs off the last cafe table. "Hey, we're starting to close up for the night, so it'd better be a to-go order," he calls over his shoulder.

"Even for me?"

"Zuko!" Sokka drops his cloth immediately and spins around, pulling Zuko into a hug. Zuko taps the small of his back when he's ready to let go, and Sokka lets him go, beaming. "You came to visit me at work?"

"More like I picked up your favorite soup dumplings from Haru's across the street and thought we could walk home together?" Zuko shrugs, gesturing to the brown paper bag in his arms. "How's that sound to you?"

"Baby, that's just what I needed today." Sokka picks up his cleaning supplies. "Okay, I just need to put all of this away and then we can lock up and go home, how's that?"

"Great," Zuko smiles at him. "I may have also picked up some more Doctor Who DVDs from the library," he smirks.

"Oh, you trickster!" Sokka yells from the kitchen, before appearing again. "You used my one weakness, pork soup dumplings, against me in order to get your nerdy way."

"Oh, big talk coming from the guy who watches astronomy documentaries for fun," Zuko laughs as Sokka leads him out of the shop, switching off the lights and locking the door behind him. "If it were up to you, we'd be watching Cosmos all weekend, and I can only take so much of Neil deGrasse Tyson explaining the peculiarities of the moon."

"Hey, the moon is cool!"

"You are correct, the moon is very cool. It's freezing, because it's a rock. In space. With no atmosphere. Or life." Zuko deadpans, earning a light punch on the shoulder from Sokka.

"Fine, you get Doctor Who tonight, but Saturday is going to be all PBS Nova, baby. Brace yourself." Sokka takes Zuko's free hand into his as they start the walk home.

"Well, as long as you're there, I'm happy."

Notes:

fidgets in this work were inspired by those from shop StimBox

[darklymelanatedstories]

Oh shxt I forgot!! (ft Vegeta&Bulma)

"So what do you think, sir?"

Vegeta gave a small smile and a nod. "It's perfect." He took one more glance at it before covering it up. Vegeta had been planning this for a while. He wanted this to be the best no threatening surprise she'd have that year.

After he's quick check up on his surprise he headed home. When he entered he was greeted by silence, so he assumed all the lazy bums he loved were still asleep. Not that it really mattered. It was 5am anyway. He crept into the room him and Bulma shared and couldn't help but smile when he saw her peacefully resting with drool running down her chin and messy hair and all. How could he love so many perfect imperfections.

Although Bulma wasn't much of an early bird, he did know that sleep was important to the woman so he decided to let her be.

"Hmm, she's been working hard yesterday on her projects and improving the gravity chamber.",Vegeta thought. "Just as well."

Vegeta moved her hair away then kissed her forehead before going down to the kitchen. He tried making her breakfast but ended up with a messy kitchen and broken eggs. Now he had to remind Bulma to buy eggs again. He was sure he made such a noise that he woke the whole neighborhood.

Trunks walked into the room and gave his father puzzled a look.

"Dad..?"

"Don't!",Vegeta exclaimed. Trunks raised his hands up slowly and backed away. Not wanting to be there during his father's frustration.

"Wait boy.",he said. Trunks immediately stopped. "Yes dad?"

"Clean this place up before you mother sees.",Vegeta ordered as he turned to leave. "I'll owe you one."

"Too late." The two jumped at the sudden voice. Vegeta slowly turned towards his wife.

"What the hell happened here?",Bulma questioned as her eyes scanned her ruined kitchen.

"Uh, you see. I was just trying to make you breakfast.",Vegeta explained, a bit embarrassed at his predicament. Bulma looked shocked, her eyes widened. "Really? That's so unlike you." She crossed her arms and raised her brow. "What are you up to? What's the occasion?"

Vegeta furrowed his eyebrows. "You would know. It's a special day today."

Bulma looked like she was even more confused. "What are you talking about?"

"You really don't remember do you?",Vegeta's expression contorted to slight anger. "I can't believe you. After I actually made an effort this time."

"Vegeta." Bulma carefully approached him and attempted to rest her hand on his shoulder. He immediately shrugged her off.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine!",he yelled and stomped out.

"What's he so mad about? He's the one that wrecked my kitchen."

Trunks held his chin and thought. He knew there was something special about today.

"Isn't today your anniversary thing?"

Bulma gasped as she realised. How could she forget? And how did Vegeta remember?

"Oh shxt I forgot!!",she muttered then quickly cupped her hands over her mouth as soon as she remembered that Trunks was in the room.

"Don't worry mom. I've heard that word before.",he assured her.

"What!?"

"Nothing.",Trunks quickly walked out of the room. "I think I hear Bulla crying. I better check on her."

Bulma groaned. "Oh, how could I forget our anniversary? I always bug Vegeta about it."

~

"You forgot your anniversary!?" Chi Chi stared at Bulma with shock. "It's not like you." But what shocked her more was the fact that Vegeta even tried cooking.

"Yeah, I was so busy with my current machines that I forgot completely."

Goku walked into the room, he actually heard enough of their conversation to know what was going on.

"Why don't you just say you were pretending to forget to surprise him?" The two woman stared at Goku like he was crazy.

"That's not a bad idea, Goku."

"Yeah. I've used that a bunch of ti–"he stopped as soon as Chi Chi sent him a glare. "I guess I'm just full of good ideas."

"Anyway gotta go. Bye Chi Chi, Bulma.",Goku said as he rushed out of the house.

"Grrr. Goku!" Chi Chi groaned then turned to her blue haired friend. Bulma got up excitedly, hitting her fist into her palm as a plan formed in her genius head.

"I got it!"

"You're seriously gonna do it?"

"Well maybe...but I'm thinking of getting him a large buffet of food. You know how these Saiyans love to eat."

"I guess. But just hope it's better than Vegeta's gift so he won't be too mad."

"I always give the best gifts."

~

"Hey Vegeta." Goku said as he descended next to the Saiyan prince.

"What do you want Kakarot?"

"Happy anniversary." He opened his arms attempting to hug Vegeta but he ended up with a hand on the face pushing him back onto the ground.

"Doesn't feel happy.",he grumbled. "How could she forget. After all my planning."

"Wow. What did you plan?"

"None of your business!"

Goku gave him a sheepish smile as he crossed his legs and scratched the back of his head. They sat in silence for a while as Goku looked up at the sky.

"Well anyway. I say you should still go ahead with it. I mean think of all the times she did amazing things for you. I bet she'd really appreciate this."

Vegeta just grunted. Goku took that as a bit of a sign and got up to leave.

"Well that's all I wanted to say. I better get going. I promised Piccolo I'd train with him."

And with that Goku took off. Vegeta thought for a moment about what he said.

"Not a bad idea."

~

The sun just started setting and Vegeta waited outside in his maroon suit that he didn't really like wearing but it was a special day and it did make him look good.

He had told Goku to bring her around and was getting impatient. What was taking so long?

~

"Goku. I have to get everything ready."

Goku tilted his head. "What exactly are you doing? Planning a party?",he said as he watched people take food and party supplies out of a bunch of vans. "Because you know Vegeta's not a huge fan of those." He chuckled.

Bulma hung her head. "Ugh, I know. I've been so stressed that I'm not even thinking clearly."

"How bout you just bring the food in and come with me?"

"Fine." Bulma told the workers to put everything back except the food. Once that was done, Goku scooped her up and took her where he agreed to meet Vegeta.

~

The sun had set and finally the two have arrived.

"About time.",Vegeta mumbled.

Goku let Bulma down and took off, leaving the two.

"Vegeta look I–"

She was cut off when Vegeta placed his finger on her lips then lifted up her chin. This was the first time she actually saw him properly or her surroundings.

"Nice suit.",she said. Looking around with awe she couldn't help the feelings of excitement and love clearly showing in her body language.

She was in her garden which was beautifully decorated. The lights placed around the flowers lit it up beautifully, even making the pond sparkle. There were fireflies bringing another mix of light into the jars they were jailed in. It reminded Bulma of when she'd go camping with her sister and father.

"Wow." Without saying another word, or any word since she got there, he took her hand and led her to the gazebo in the middle of the garden.

There was some of Bulma's favourite foods and a large bottle of her favourite champagne in a silver bucket of ice.

What drew her attention was the object concealed under a white tarp.

"Vegeta–"

"Before you say anything.",he walked up to the objects. "I know I shouldn't have gotten angry this morning and that you've been stressed out lately. I'm sorry."

"It's fine Vegeta."

He took hold of the tarp. "I also hate doing this sappy stuff so..." He dramatically pulled it off. "Happy anniversary, my love."

Bulma was left speechless. She got closer and Vegeta watched with a smile on her face.

"What do you think?",he asked but he knew she loved it.

"I had it done by that artist you love so much."

In front of Bulma was a beautiful painting of her and Vegeta on their wedding day.

She trapped Vegeta in an embrace and he wrapped his arms around her waist as he pulled her closer.

"I love you."

"Love you too.",he mumbled.

He pulled out of the hug and pulled out a chair for her in the gazebo.

He looked at the amount of food he had prepared for tonight and frowned.

"There's no way this is satisfying me. Damn, now I'm starving for the woman",he thought. He's hunger must've shown on his face because Bulma gave him a knowing look and winked.

"Oh I got that covered." She took her phone out and dialled a number.

"Bring it in guys."

In a matter of seconds people were bringing so much food that there wasn't any space on the table.

Soon Vegeta was stuffing his face.

"Have I told you lately how much I love you?",he said in between chews.

Bulma giggled then looked over at her paintings.

"Yeah, you even showed me."

Art by @lem0uro

Check her out ppl. She's amazing.

♡♡♡♡♡

[sapphire-strikes]

Jimothen would absolutely take FK and Parsley camping! Since Dallas drives out, I can't imagine he'd pass a chance to tag along - and I imagine Parsley would be more willing if FK was there. His dad is a lot and everyone know it! Manly camping!!!

I just want to say thank you so much for this request I had a lot of fun with it!

• Out of all the father son bonding time Parsley is forced into, camping is his least favorite. He's not a very outdoorsy person at all. The bugs, the burnt food, sleeping on the ground; it's not exactly his idea of a good time and Jimothan's insistence on roughing it as much as possible only makes it worse.

• Jimothan proudly brought up their upcoming yearly trip at the Lounge one day and you mentioned that you hadn't been in a while and that camping sounded like a lot of fun. This immediately caught Parsley's attention and he was quick to suggest you come along with them.

• Jimothan was surprisingly okay with this idea as well. He'd always been so insistent on it being a father-son trip but he was already proudly blustering on about showing you how to pitch a tent "the right way".

• Parsley on the other hand was just happy to have someone to suffer with. And who knows, his dad might even tone it down a notch with you around. He almost felt bad, you had no idea what you were getting yourself into.

• A few days later while hanging out with Dallas you mentioned getting to tag along with them and he congratulated you, wistfully mentioning how much he loved group camping trips. A few minutes later and you're making a call to Parsley asking if there was room for one more

• Jimothan remembered Dallas from their time at the Habitat but overall didn't know much about the guy besides what he usually orders at the bar.

"I don't know, the kid's one thing but we only have so much room in the truck. You ever been camping before, son?"

"Allll the time, daddy-O~ The mystique of the forest really scratches the id, y'know? Makes for a excellent atelier~"

"What in the sam hill does that-"

"He goes there to paint." You clarified "Oh and don't worry about space! We can just take Dallas's bus, he's got plenty of room."

Dallas flashed Jimothan the "OK" symbol and though he still looked reluctant, Parsley was already on board and looking more excited about going camping than he had in a long time.

"I'm just happy I don't have to ride in the bed of the pickup this year." Parsley sighed in relief.

"Oh don't complain. I always tell you; the Breeo X Series 19 Firemaster has to sit up front with me for safe keeping."

• When it comes to actually camping, Jimothan is old fashioned but impressively efficient. When you pick out a spot and begin unpacking your things he's already working on setting up the tents and starting a fire. Fishing, hiking, rock climbing, he tries to fit in as many outdoorsy activates into the weekend as possible. .

• Dallas takes a much more relaxed approach to camping. He brings a lot of modern amenities and prefers to sleep in his bus instead of out in the open. Spending most of his free time finding a good place to set up a temporary studio and painting

• Much to Jimothan's dismay, Parsley latches onto this laid back approach to camping and ends up spending most of his time with Dallas.

"C'mon, Pars, Marv told me the lake north of here is full of biters!"

"Uh, thank, dad...but I'll have to pass for today. Dallas and I are gonna go swimming though, so maybe I'll see you up by the stream?" Parsley was awkwardly dancing around his dad's enthusiasm and you weren't blind to the dejection and annoyance that was building in Jimothan's eyes every time Dallas stepped in to join one of their activities or offer an easier alternative to Jimothan's bare bones way of camping.

• Dallas really was just doing his best to be friendly even going out of his way to strike up conversation with Jimothan despite the older man's gruff attitude.

• Considering that Parsley never shared his love of camping, Jimothan gets pretty excited if you show interest in what he's working on or ask him to assist you with something. Though he does tend to take over and show you how to do it as opposed to just helping.

• You do your best to keep him from feeling left out but unfortunately this backfires and now you're the one he's waking up at 5am to go hiking. You had to admit you felt bad for him but you were beginning to understand what Parsley meant about his dad being a lot to handle. Still, it's actually kind of sweet. He really does just want someone to share a common interest with and pass all his tricks onto. He just lacked basic communication skills.

• Speaking of Parsley, he seemed to genuinely be enjoying himself this time around. He got along really well with Dallas, even modeling in front of the sunset for him at one point.

Unfortunately Jimothan’s over eagerness begins to wear on you and you find yourself tempted by the dark side. "You sure you don't want to stick around? Dallas is gonna show me how to make dream catchers." Parsley asked, scooting over to make room for you near the fire.

"I probably shouldn't. Jimothan already asked me if I wanted to go rock climbing with him."

"Rock climbing? You mean on that 30ft tall cliff by the waterfall? You nodded wearily. "Yeah, he already tried to get me to go too, buddy system and all that. But I get forced into that stuff every year. Missing it this one time won't hurt him."

"I don't know, he seemed pretty excited." Just as you were struggling with your decision Dallas emerged from his bus holding an assortment of crafting supplies.

"Heyy, little buddy, are you going to be joining us? I've got some pressed flowers you could use for yours, it'll fit your aesthetic perfectly~" Before you could answer, Parsley pulled you down to sit beside him.

"You bet they are!" Okay, maybe a quick crafts break wouldn't hurt.

• Before you knew it three hours had passed and you were doing outdoors yoga alongside Dallas and Parsley with flowers braided into your hair. The serene atmosphere only being broken by Jimothan stomping into camp. He was soaking wet and looked like he had taken quite the tumble. The annoyed look on his face only reconfirmed this theory.

"So...how was rock climbing?" Parsley asked nervously. The only response any of you received was a furrowed brow before he angrily retreated into the tent to change.

• After a bit of time he eventually returned and went about readying the camp for dinner. It was beginning to get dark so you, Dallas and Parsley were sitting on the top of the bus watching the stars. The view was nice but there was just one thing missing.

"Hey, Jimothan, you should get up here, the views amazing!" Parsley seemed to catch onto what you were doing and followed your lead.

"They're right ya know. It is pretty cool up here." Parsley seemed to finally have caught his attention and he looked to actually be considering it for a second but shook his head.

"Nah, you kids have fun. I need to get this fire started." There was a hint of sadness to his voice as he went back to smacking his wet flint and steel together. They must have been in his pocket when he took his tumble down the waterfall.

Dallas leaned over the railing at the top of the bus. "There's no need for that, my guy. If you can't get that started I've got a microwave in the back, we can have Pad Thai." He seemed to be trying to raise the mood but Jimothan didn't offer his addition so much as a glance. He did however huff and begin smacking the flint and steel together much more aggressively.

You and Parsley gave each other a worried glance but it was interrupted by Dallas placing a hand on each of your shoulders. He winked and seemed to be giving you a look that implied, 'let me handle this', before effortlessly vaulting over the railing and sliding down the side of the bus.

Without missing a beat he kneeled down beside Jimothan and pulled put a ligher. Quickly flicking it alight and holding it beside the piece of newspaper he was trying to start the fire with. "I feel you though, nothing like cooking over a real fire, right?"

• Jimothan looked at him in awe for a moment and Dallas just gave him a friendly smile. Then Jimothan threw down his flint and steel, stood up and marched off into the forest.

Parsley slapped a hand to his forehead and slouched backwards, "Oh boy..." You scrambled down the ladder to stand beside Dallas who was still staring in the direction Jimothan had stormed off in.

"Did I say something wrong?" He looked at you worriedly but before you could answer Parsley slid down the ladder to stand beside you.

Nah, not really. He's just...not good with change."

• Jimothan goes pretty quiet after that, eventually returning to huffily chop wood not far from the camp. After a bit you offer to go talk to him but Parsley steps up insisting that he should be the one to do it.

• You and Dallas sit by the fire, just barely being able to make out their shapes as they talked off in the distance. You couldn't hear what they were saying but just watching their silhouettes interact told the whole story.

• Jimothan seemed to be ignoring him for a while until Parsley picked up an axe and started chopping alongside him. There was an obvious struggle on Parsley's part that was enough to catch Jimothan's attention and soon he moved to show him how to do it properly. Adjusting the wood on the chopping block, showing him how to hold the axe right and demonstrating the proper chopping motion. He then stepped back to let Parsley try again, giving a small applause as he successfully split a log down the middle.

There a moment of stillness as Parsley seemed to be speaking then he walked forward and hugged his dad. Jimothan froze for a moment then hugged him back. They stayed like that for a bit and you almost wished you could have heard what they were talking about.

• Not long after that Parsley came walking back into the light with Jimothan close behind him. There was a clear bit of awkward tension in the air but Dallas was the first to stand up and apologizes for having done anything that may have upset him. This was enough to get Jimothan to speak up, and he insisted that Dallas had nothing to be sorry for.

"You're here as a guest. I'm sorry for causing a scene. If Parsley happy doing..." He vaguely motioned to Dallas's bus, "whatever it is you've been doing... then maybe I need to open up a bit"

Parsley was smiling at him proudly but he raised a hand, "Just a bit though!"

• The next morning all four of you went spear fishing then later that evening Dallas set up a projector and you had a little horror movie marathon. You even got Jimothan to make a dream catcher. It was a disastrous collage of fish hooks and rocks but he seemed proud of it so you hung it up with the others.

• Dallas plays the acoustic guitar and Jimothan plays the Banjo and as it turns ou the two of them have a mutual love of campfire songs. You're forever grateful to Parsley for thinking ahead and bringing an extra pair of noise canceling headphone for you because those two go on for hours. Seeing them both go all out together is incredibly sweet though.

• When it comes time to pack up and leave Jimothan offers Dallas a hand shake but Dallas goes straight for the hug. Leaving Jimothan to give him an awkward pat on the back as he half returned it.

• Parsley has already assured you that you're definitely coming next year, no exceptions. And who knows, they might even make it a tradition to start bringing some of the others as well.

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

Went to bed at 12:40am after helping grandma get readjusted in the bed, and helping dad function the oxygen tank because the oxygen machine kept going out and beeping on error. I think grandma got anxious from seeing her family members come from grand rapids to visit. I know she missed them.

But man did I get tired.

I had to set an alarm for 3:45am because that's when grandma has to go potty, and I knew mom and dad needed the rest after cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and hosting for her guests.

I kept nodding off to twilight as I waited in the room for grandma to tell me when, so I could help her get up off the bed and onto potty. That wasn't until like 5am.

Glad I could get some sleep in between waiting.

I stayed in there with till 8:30, when she asked for some oatmeal to eat. I think she's having hunger pains, but can't really eat the stuff down as much. We puree mostly everything in the food processor for her. She only ate like a couple spoonfuls. She said her right side started hurting from not eating as much, but we can't make her eat, but there also seems to be a lack of appetite in grandma's mind. I think she's been feeling very tired too, especially after the family visit last night.

This is the first time I heard her fuss today. I cleaned the bucket after she threw up in it and said "Don't use so much Lysol to clean with. I can smell it." I didn't take it personally because I didn't use lysol to clean the bucket, I used Fabuloso and alcohol because we didn't have much cleaner in the bathroom I cleaned it in. Daddy reminded her that I was just trying to clean the bucket out.

She said "I know, just don't use so much."

This was right before she said she feels like she needs some more oxygen, so maybe her not breathing as well and smelling that cleaner made her nose upset.

I've dealt with Grandma and her complaints before, so I'm pretty sure I'm not expecting a happy camper about all this. Im just so glad its not just me to take care of her. So we'll all be making a team effort to help her as she goes along. The social worker, the nurse, and a chaplin is supposed to come from Hospice in the next couple of days. So we'll see how it goes. Its not like the disney movies where the person is happy and being nice to everybody and then suddenly passes.

I think this will be a gradual, slow, but hopefully peaceful passing for her. I know I'm stressed out, but I feel like how I used to be at work. Hopefully we don't get into any arguments and just let her talk if she starts commenting on us not doing something right or if she starts forgetting stuff and then she says that one liner "you calling me a liar?" cause I know what that means when she says that line.

I pray she doesn't go flip mode and the kids don't have to deal with seeing any blood. I'd rather have me and my parents handle that, because we can handle that maturely without feeling that grossed out feeling and wait to hold our comments until after the tasks are finished.

My baby sister, I would be worried to find out she or one of the others were to find her.....like that in the morning.

Because we don't know the timeline and we're not at a hospital. This is real life. Grandma actually came all the way here with my parents to Flint, to come live with us until she passed. And its still just shocking to me. We're putting in our best effort together so this woman we've known for years can have a peaceful going, under the roof and care of her loved ones. We love her and we do care about her. I'm just not gonna expect this to be easy, keep my head up, stay positive, and try to keep my emotions out of it like I do at work. Keeping my emotions off, helps the day seem fast and the work gets done quicker and more efficiently. We're gonna work hard for Grandma and I hope my little sisters can cooperate and not be as selfish and sometimes unhelpful like usual. We have to share our time more and that means less sleep, but I'm glad we're not alone.

I'm glad its not just me, stuck at her house in Grand Rapids again like it was the 1st time and 2nd time I had to help her out at the house.

The 2nd time was the worse, because she was sick, assuming it was maybe covid or a virus, the flu or something else like a cold because of the mucus. And she hadn't been to the hospital in years. The insurance company sent a doctor to check up on her in March and when he just touched that one oldddd surgery spot that she had been talking about for years....it was near the liver and the pancreas. And thats where they said the cancer was, this whole entire time.

I wonder how or when did it start growing? And how long had she known she was gonna die? Even when I stayed with her this year she would say "Just in case something happens to me" or "I'm rotting away." and the pads she would wear in her underwear because she said something kept leaking every so often and she been stopped getting periods because they took her uterus out decades ago.

It's like crazy and mind bottling, because I wanna know why, when, where, and how. I want answers. I want somebody to be able to tell me this is what caused it and am I at risk for something similar either just naturally or just from getting surgeries from doctors who didn't listen to her or tell her what was truly going on...its like nobody knew, but her and God. And she felt everything in her body. Everything. She knew which types of food would hurt her stomach or not, which natural vitamins to help with her pain every so often. I can't even deny that this entire time she's been telling me these stories, moments, and memories all over and over again for one reason and one reason only. So not only she could remember, but also for us to know why she's been feeling in pain for so many years.

She's been duct taping her body like a car for so many years with vitamins for this and hard lemonades to help her get through each day, but she never not once wanted to go to the doctors, the people that she didn't trust for years and held a grudge over it, she knew exactly what injuries and everything that led up to her feeling the stings in her feet, her big toe, her back, her stomach, her side, her lungs, and her chest. She had everything covered like a math equation.

And she's very frugal, did not want no expensive medical bills cause she already felt like a burden to us, even when she came into the house and she saw how much storage stuff we had to clear out of that blue room, she told Daddy she didn't wanna be a burden.

But we gotta take care of you Grandma. Cause we love you and your son, your daughter in law, and your grand babies are gonna help carry you on your way. I don't care if you want ice cream in the middle of the night, I will go get it. I know momma and daddy don't want me to overwork myself, but why do I feel that thing where the mother can't stay away from its child? I don't wanna miss her going, and not have said goodbye and I love you. Thats it, just final words.

Cause that's how you do closure, I wanna know were you in peace when it happened and could I have done anything to help you feel better towards the end. Cause I know what it feels like to not have closure from somebody, I had to do it all by myself and I still feel ungrateful and absent about it. Because nobody talked to me, they just left me hanging.

And I'd be damn if I missed my Grandma before she passed. Her birthday is August 22nd. I know its unlikely to ask for, but can I see her on Christmas? At least? After everything we've went through, her chewing my food up for me when I was little. All the stories she remembered about me eating peaches, chicken, and spaghetti. And how she cooked it with corn flakes so it had the crispiest crunch. And how much I used to ask her to replay Barney when dad would drop me, she said I'd say "Again, Again!" and whoever was there said something about it...

Why do I feel like because we've been so busy helping and working, now is not the time to mourn?

She's still here, but I can still hear her singing our jazzy bathtub song.

"Singing in the bath tubbb,

A doobee-doobee doo

Singing in the bath tubbb

A doobee-doobee doo"

I still remember the note and everything and me giggling and smiling, laughing and singing with her.

Grandma used to sing and listen to music all the time. She showed me a few more songs before we got into it about the hamster.

Honestly, I'm not even mad about all that anymore, I just want her feeling at home and happy with us.

[camillemontespan]

oblivion [raleigh carrera x mc] [part six: video games]

Part Five if you want to catch up

Master List

Warnings: Talk about drug use

@emichelle​​ @ritachacha​​ @ibldw-main​​ @omgjasminesimone​​ @msjpuddleduck​​ @katedrakeohd​​ @lilmissperfectlyimperfect​​ @dailydoseofchoices​​ @pug-bitch​​ @moonlightgem7​  @pedudley​

*********************************************************

'Good morning, I am your host Jennifer Lincoln and this is LA Today. Our top story this morning: where is Marina Cortez? We go to our showbiz correspondent, Sarah Harper, for more!'

*****************************

'Good morning, I'm Sarah Harper! It has been six weeks since pop sensation Marina Cortez was discharged from hospital following an apparent drug overdose in which she was found unconscious in her bathroom. Raleigh Carrera, her former boyfriend and platinum selling artist, was there to support her as she left the hospital. Nobody knows where they have both gone, indeed nobody has seen or heard from either of them. Rehabilitation facilities have not reported Marina signing in, nor has Raleigh been seen partying with his friends. They have literally disappeared off the map, but don't worry Maleigh shippers! We will keep trying to find their whereabouts so we can bring you the latest gossip! Now, back to the studio where Jennifer will be discussing the downfall of pop's good girl gone bad.'

****************************

It had been six weeks. Six weeks of talking, eating, joking, laughing, crying, shaking, shouting, arguing and kissing.

Since the night when Marina came clean about her past trauma with her manager, she and Raleigh had become closer than ever. All he wanted was to hold her, run his slender fingers through her raven hair and keep her safe.

The six weeks had been a rollarcoaster of emotions. Anytime Marina felt anxious or emotional, Raleigh would distract her with video games. Childish, sure, but if it kept her mind off the current shit show she was embroiled in, then Raleigh was satisfied.

'Look, you got me, I'm down!' Raleigh protested, gesturing at the TV with his Xbox controller. 'There is no need to keep punching my character!'

Marina proceeded to have her game character kick Raleigh's character in the stomach, cackling as she did so. Raleigh turned to Marina with an offended look on his face.

'You literally kicked me when I was down..' he whispered, his voice cracking as he pretended to be upset.

Marina giggled and leaned forward to kiss him on the tip of his nose. 'It's nothing personal,' she said, smirking.

Raleigh's eye caught at the TV as he saw the screen reload to a new battle. The characters were waiting on screen - Raleigh's soldier against Marina's samurai.

'Oh trust me, babe..' Raleigh replied sleekly, 'it's personal.'

He pressed the button that made his soldier punch Marina's samurai in the face. Marina whipped round to stare at the screen and let out a scream.

'YOU TRAITOR!'

'Sure, you can dish it out but you can't take it!' Raleigh replied, his fingers pounding at the controller. 'Come on Cortez, show me what you got!'

They didn't see Raleigh's mother come back into the house after her shift at the hospital. She had been on call since 5am and she was exhausted, desperately needing her bed even though it was 3pm. But, Jennifer still stopped at the door to watch them both play like kids. Her heart tugged. The two of them were carefree on the outside but so fractured on the inside. She wished she could make it all better and keep them in this little bubble where nothing could hurt them.

But she couldn't do that.

********************************

'I'm hungry..' Marina said, stretching her arms up in the air after she beat Raleigh yet again.

'I'll go see what's in the kitchen,' Raleigh said, standing up to pad through the hall towards the cupboards. A few minutes of searching produced nothing. Clearly, his mom had been so busy working, she hadn't had time to get groceries.

Raleigh felt a shoot of guilt in his stomach. He didn't want to look like he was taking advantage of his mother's hospitality. She had been kind enough to let him and Marina hide her while Marina got over her drug induced spiral.

'I'm going to go out to get some groceries,' Raleigh told Marina. 'I'll be back soon -'

'Can I come with you?' she asked hopefully, surprising him. Raleigh blinked.

'Uhh.. You want to go out?'

Marina nodded. 'It would be nice to have a change of scenery.. Not that your mom's house is bad, I mean it's amazing -'

'You might be seen,' Raleigh interrupted.

'I can go incognito,' Marina said quickly. 'I always go incognito when I'm in public.'

Raleigh sighed. 'I'm not gonna win this, am I?'

Marina smiled. 'Nope. Better get used to it.'

***********************

Raleigh gave Marina one of his hoodies and beanie hats to wear. The hat hid her mass of black wavy hair and when she put on her reading glasses, she looked like a normal woman. If you weren't properly studying her, that is.

Raleigh pulled on his other hoodie and beanie hat too. Marina watched as he faced the bathroom mirror to take out his eye contacts before putting on glasses himself.

Marina stared at him with a look of astonishment on her face. 'You wear glasses?'

Raleigh chuckled. 'Yeah. I just don't wear them often. They don't go with my image, as management would say.'

Marina smiled. 'You look cute with them.'

Raleigh gave her a shrug. 'I look like I did when I was thirteen. Not cute.'

But he did look cute, Marina thought. He looked like she had when she was a teenager too. Awkward and gawky but cute.

Real.

*************************

'Right, we got milk, bread, OJ, pasta, pasta sauce, bacon, pancakes..' Raleigh reeled off their shopping list as they wandered around the store. Marina was pushing the cart forward while Raleigh walked behind her, his hands placed on either side of the cart handle so his arms enclosed her. They were acting like a couple again. Raleigh wasn't sure what to make of it. He just couldn't stop being all cute and couply with her. He just needed to be close to her and keep her safe and happy.

'Random list,' Marina remarked. 'What else does your mom usually have?'

'No idea,' Raleigh said. 'The stuff we've got isn't exactly useful..'

Marina ducked under Raleigh's arm to pick up a pack of cookies and flung them into the cart. Raleigh rolled his eyes. 'Marina. Cookies aren't useful.'

'I've not eaten carbs and sugar ever since I got famous,' Marina hissed. 'Let me have the cookies.'

Raleigh let out a whistle. 'Okaaay, all the cookies for you.'

They continued to wander through the store, making sure to avoid looking at people as they went. So far, nobody had given them a second glance which was a relief.

Raleigh picked up a bouquet of lilies to gift to his mom as a thank you for letting them stay. Marina smiled to herself as she watched him place them carefully in the cart. He was different, this version of Raleigh that was in front of her. Gone was the confident and arrogant rockstar and in his place was just a boy wanting to do right by his mother.

She stopped when they reached a magazine stand. Her breath caught as her eyes scanned the covers, all of them bearing her image.

Images of her being taken to hospital. Images of her out partying, off her face on drugs, shouting at the photographers.

It was a girl she didn't recognise.

'Mari, let's go,' Raleigh whispered in her ear, making her jump. His fingers brushed her wrist.

'Don't look at them,' he murmured in her ear, his breath soft against her neck.

But Marina couldn't stop looking at them. She reached out to pull Star Magazine off the shelf and flicked to page six where her face was plastered on the pages with a screaming headline: 'MARINA'S DOWNWARD SPIRAL.'

Tears formed in her eyes as she read what the journalist had written. Sources who claimed to be her 'friends' were worried about her apparently. Yet they still went into detail about late night parties, drug use and black outs caused by alcohol.

And it was the truth. That was the horrible thing about this. Everything the sources said was true.

Marina threw the magazine in the cart and began to push it along the aisle, deciding that she wanted to find her favourite cereal. Raleigh rushed after her and tried to take the magazine out, but stopped when he saw the warning in Marina's eyes.

'You don't want to read this,' Raleigh told her. 'Trust me.'

'I need to know what everyone is saying about me,' she muttered. 'You've kept me in the dark.'

Raleigh's face darkened. He had kept her in the dark, yes. Deliberately. He had been aware of the headlines that were dominating news outlets but he hadn't told her. He had want keep her sheltered from the poison. He had been worried that the reports would just push her back over the edge and back to square one.

They reached the check out and the shop assistant scanned their items. Her eyes flicked to the magazine and then back to Marina.

'You look like her,' the assistant said.

Marina cast her eyes away, her jaw set. 'I don't.'

******************************

That evening, Marina stayed in Raleigh's bedroom, pouring over the magazine to read the articles about her. Raleigh couldn't stop her.

Defeated, he was sat at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. The lilies Raleigh had bought her were in a vase, taking pride of place on the table.

Jennifer sat down opposite her son and handed him a cup of coffee.

'Babe,' she said softly,breaking the silence. 'What's wrong?'

Raleigh sighed. 'She saw the magazines,' he replied flatly. 'She's upstairs reading one right now.'

Jennifer studied Raleigh with concern. 'I got to ask..' she said, her voice halting. 'What's your plan?'

Raleigh bit his lip. 'Get her clean. Back to normal.'

Jennifer tried to find the right words. 'Okay. Is she going to go back to LA? Back to work?'

Raleigh didn't know. He hadn't thought that far ahead. He told his mother this and watched as she closed her eyes, trying to keep calm.

'Babe, what if she goes back to LA and ends up back to her old ways?' she asked. 'I know you've been trying to help and you've been brilliant, I'm just worried.. I don't want your efforts to be for nothing.'

'Then I better keep her on the straight and narrow, huh?' Raleigh said dryly.

'She is worse than you were,' Jennifer replied. 'She nearly died, Raleigh. You never reached that point. I just don't want you to suffer -'

'I don't care about myself at this point,' Raleigh interrupted, his voice hardening. 'I don't give a fuck. All that matters is Marina. I would die before letting anything happen to her. She's my responsibility.'

'No she isn't,' Jennifer whispered. 'Honey, you know I love her but it's up to her to get clean. It's not your burden to bear. I've watched you both this past month and all I want is to keep you safe and fix all your problems, but I know I can't. I'm just concerned that when she goes home, she'll slide back to her old ways. Is she going to take a step back from the spotlight? Is she going to lay low? You need to ask her these questions, honey. You can't keep hiding here forever, playing video games and acting like teenagers. This isn't real life.'

'Are you trying to make me feel bad?' Raleigh asked, standing up, his fists clenched. 'Do you want us out?'

'No!' Jennifer protested. 'Raleigh, I love having you here. I miss you when you're gone. I'm just trying to make you think about the reality of this. She's upstairs reading those articles about her, she isn't healed yet and I'm worried that she isn't getting the help she really needs. You are not a therapist or a doctor. You are shouldering all of this pain and trying so hard to keep her well but I don't want to see you hurt again.'

Raleigh shook his head, tears pricking his eyes. 'I'm the only person she has,' he told her. 'I left her once. I'm not doing it again. I'm with her every step of the way, mom. You gotta trust me on this.'

Jennifer knew that there was no point in arguing with her son. He was stubborn like his father. Sighing, she cast her eyes down. ‘I trust you babe,’ she whispered. 

Raleigh felt that prick of guilt again. He reached out to squeeze his mom’s hand. ‘I’ll talk to her tonight, okay?’

Jennifer nodded. ‘That’s all I wanted.’

*******************************************

‘Pop’s Good Girl Gone Bad: The Inside Scoop!’

‘Drugs, alcohol, depression - is Marina Cortez not cut out for Hollywood?’

‘Maleigh are back! Raleigh and Marina reunite in touching display.’

‘Raleigh will break her heart all over again: Marina’s friends tell all.’

The poison Marina had read in the magazine and the showbiz apps on her phone showed that the press were having a field day. So many people had something to say about Marina Cortez, from journalists and columnists to therapists and doctors. None of it was good. 

Marina rubbed her wet eyes and flung her phone to the other side of the bed. She felt sick to her stomach. How had it gotten this far? How had she let herself get to this point? 

She knew that Raleigh felt guilty for introducing her to the dark side of LA. He had been the one who suggested they get in ‘party favours’ at her own 25th birthday party. That had been the beginning. The thing was, it wasn’t Raleigh’s fault; not really. Marina used to worry all the time and suffered from anxiety. Becoming famous only exacerbated this. So, when she started to get high off the coke, she felt lighter, like she was floating. She could forget about her self doubt and the pressure that her management kept pressing on her and she could just.. Be. 

Her original sound changed. She stopped playing guitar, instead learning difficult dance routines that made her throw up after hours of practice. She went to the gym twice a day to sculpt a body that only airbrushed models could achieve, aka not possible.  She stopped eating, instead choosing to live on a diet of coffee and coke - not the fizzy kind. Her music became autotuned, bubblegum pop, entirely different from the soulful and personal music she used to write. 

She began to go out every night. Her management encouraged her to accept invitations to the hottest new clubs and bars so she could get her picture taken and ‘make contacts.’ But whenever she went to these new clubs and bars, her manager would tell her to ‘sit and look pretty.’ She lost her voice as she became treated like fine china; she didn’t have to lift a finger. Everyone wanted a slice of Marina Cortez but nobody really asked how she was. Nobody listened to her. Her world was busy but Marina never felt more alone.

When Raleigh left, Marina got worse.

The music was put on the backburner in favour of more drugs and more alcohol. She would party with her hangers on, foot the bill and then do it all over again the next night. Marina knew paparazzi on a first name basis and didn’t care if they took pictures up her skirt; she was numb. 

She hadn’t even reached rock bottom when she crashed her car after being chased relentlessly by photographers. The vehicle was written off and she had whiplash but even that hadn’t been enough to convince her to leave the destructive bubble she was trapped in. 

Her manager took advantage of her when she was at her most vulnerable. He wouldn’t let her leave the room until she got down on her knees and satisfied him like all the female artists before her. She had done the act, trying to imagine she was doing it to Raleigh but there was no mistaking the difference. That had been at the peak of her ‘downfall’ as the media liked to call her path of destruction.

Marina’s breath hitched as she remembered the night when she was at a rooftop party. She had gone herself, only knowing the host whose name she now struggled to remember. She remembered looking out over the LA skyline, the tears in her eyes blurring the glimmering lights of the city and how she wished she could just jump. 

That was the night she went home and OD’d. 

The night before she ended up in hospital. 

The night before Raleigh came to be her knight in shining armour.

She didn’t realise she was sobbing until she heard the bedroom door open and Raleigh come inside to scoop her up in his arms. She held onto him tight as he held her close, soothing her with kind words. ‘I got you, baby, I got you..’

‘I want to get back to normal,’ she choked out. ‘I want to be myself again.’

‘We’ll get you back, Mari,’ Raleigh promised her, pressing a hard kiss on top of her head. ‘We’re gonna get you back to normal. I promise.’

Marina shuddered and cried for a long time until her throat became cracked and her body felt heavy. When she eventually quietened, she moved closer to snuggle into Raleigh. His arms wrapped around her and she could hear his heartbeat against her ear. 

‘Can we play a video game?’ she whispered. 

‘Whatever you want,’ Raleigh whispered back. ‘Whatever you want.’

[breg21]

Ladynoir Month: Hairstyle

@ladynoirjuly2019

Ao3 FFN

Usually, my husband edits and I write most if it. Today, that was in reverse.

And for that, I am truly sorry. Lol

Also…. This prompt might've gotten away from us…. sorry?

It was getting close to their one year anniversary, and they could count on two hands the number of actual dates they had been on.

Which, in all reality, kinda sucked.

While they have tried different tactics, they tried to keep their public appearances few and far between, that was until Rena had suggested something. "Listen, LB. You know my identity, so there's no harm in telling you that I'm part of the school drama club, and since I'm a part of it, I have access to things like props, sets, and even costumes. I know how much you want to keep things on the down low, and between you and me, I am very forgetful and might just leave the room with the costumes open when I leave."

Yeah, that was Alya alright, about as subtle as a metalhead in a church choir.

Ladybug sighed, weighing her options. "I don't know, Rena. That stuff belongs to the school."

In response to her, very logical and ethical point, Rena waved off her notation, simplying replying with. "You know, for all the times you've saved this city not to mention that school, I think people won't care too much if you borrow some cheaply made costumes, so long as you bring them back, that is. I don't need to get into trouble for losing costumes again."

Ladybug dug her feet into the ground, avoiding the smug smile that had made its way onto Rena's face. "I'll make sure to bring them back as soon as I can, 5am at the latest."

"Whatever helps you sleep, LB."

She looked off into the distance, as thought bounced around in her head. It had been so long since they went on a proper date and with the time constraint. She didn't even know where to start. But it had to be somewhere. "Hey, Rena, could you do me a favor and be my… girl in the chair?"

Rena's face lit up with pure joy. "You mean, the member of the team who is involved with all tech and research? Why yes, ma'am! What's my first assignment, create an algorithm to determine who is going to get akumatized, triangulate Hawkmoth's location based on recent akuma sightings?"

Ladybug looked at her nervously and with great care added. "Actually, I was just wondering if you could help me find places that are open from midnight to 5 am. It's hard to find a good place for a date and I know you are great at finding things."

Rena's eye began to twitch ever so slightly. "So, you're telling me that you want me as your wing girl, and help you find dates? She paused before bursting out with: "That is so much better!"

Oh, thank gosh! Ladybug thought to herself.

Rena continued on as of she hadn't noticed Ladybug slumping in relief. "You know, things may have just lined up for you. We just finished a play at school based on the 1950's and there is this really nice 24-hour diner that opened up last month. If you and Chat make the date in the next week the costumes will still be made up and everything. I may have even seen a red and black spotted dress that would look great on you."

"Wait, you said, Chat too. So you already told him this idea? When did you get to talk to him this when I just came up with the idea?"

Rena laughed. "You know how that cat is. They way I saw it, you were the one I need to sell on this idea."

"He agreed in an instant, didn't he?"

"Like a cat to a can of tuna."

"Five dollars for a milkshake?" She felt her nerves begin to flare.

"Is that too expensive, because I can get something else."

He calmly placed a hand up in protest, his eyes never leaving the image of the shake on the menu. "For five dollars that has to be an amazing shake. What flavor do you want, I'll get a different flavor and we can see which is better."

She let out a sigh of relief, brushing the sweat off her forehead, making sure not to bump her sunglasses in the process. When they arrived, she was surprised to see how nicely dressed Chat was. Not that she thought he dressed badly, but to see him in a pinstripe suit brought a little heat to the room, that and the fact that he was the only person she had ever seen actually pull off a fedora was astonishing.

Of course, they were both fitted with a stylish and identity concealing, pair of sunglasses. It was a nice surprise to see him so dapper, and from the way his breath hitched, she was pretty sure her choice in dress was just as good.

As she sat there, she looked at Chat perform the same ritual he always did before eating a meal, making sure to place his silverware in the exact right place, not a centimeter out of place, while he folded his napkin in the perfect triangle. For someone so wild, it was hard not to notice these little quirks.

She didn't mind them by any means, but it was just odd that after ten and a half months of dating that he was still so proper when it came to eating. But she was slowly growing accustomed to it, and actually found it enduring that she got to see this side to him, too.

Before long, the waitress made it to their table asking for their order. "I'll have a tuna melt with a side fries and a strawberry milkshake."

The waitress turned to Ladybug, "And you, sweet thing?"

She looked at the menu one last time. Well, let's hope this works. Because, yes, while they had been to many restaurants together on dates in the past, he was always so careful with eating. Primed to a T. And while she knew his proper side was a part of him, so was his wild side.

Something told her, that that side was locked tightly away when doing something so social as eating.

And she was gonna fish that other side, the Chat side that she knew so well, out.

She kept her voice innocent as she turned to the waitress and ordered. "Yes, I'll have the double burger with everything on it and a side of steak fries, with a chocolate milkshake."

The waitress smiled as she wrote down the order. Before heading back to the kitchen she placed a hand on Chat's shoulder bringing her voice down so just the two of them could hear. "You keep this girl."

He looked back at her with an awkward smile, lifting his thumb up. "That's the plan."

A couple minutes passed when the waitress brought their meals out. Both plates looked delicious but Ladybug's was practically falling off the plate with how large it was. She picked up the mess that was the burger in front of her and stare Chat directly in the eyes sent him a soft smile, before taking the first bite causing the contents of the burger to erupt on her face.

Chat nearly spat out his milkshake upon seeing his lady's face covered in sauce and toppings.

With her mouth half full, Ladybug broke off a piece of burger that had not yet been devoured and extended it to him. "You wanna try a bite? It's really good?"

She could see the nervous look he was trying to hide. But he let out a small sigh and bit down nearly grazing her finger in the process. Yes! She thought.

When he was finished his eyes lit up with glee. "You're right," He grabled out between large bites. "that was great."

She looked down to see sauce all over his suit, and had to bite down the giggle that wanted to pop through. Her goofy kitty. "Um, Chat, your suit."

He glanced at the numerous stains that the burger had caused and surprisingly, he just gave a shrug of his shoulders. "You know what, that's what dry cleaners are for. Now, I believe we made a plan to share these milkshakes?"

Ladybug sent her kitty a soft smile.

There we go, kitty. There we go.

Adrien woke up to the sound of an angry T-rex snoring on his couch.

Thankfully, upon getting out of his bed, Nino soon woke as he rubbed off his migraine from the night before."Thank you for letting me spend the night, dude. The walk home was just a little to far with how little sleep I've been getting the past month."

Adrien poured out two glasses of orange juice as he glanced back at his sleep friend. "It's no problem, man, at least you're getting it figured out tonight."

Nino rubbed the back of his head. "Speaking of the appointment, give it to me straight, how bad was I?"

He placed the drinks on the table in front of them. "Like a rhino constantly stubbing its toe."

Nino flinched at the image it brought to his mind. "Yikes, man, I'm sorry. I must have kept you up all night."

"Nah," Adrien reassured him. "I've slept through worse. What time's your appointment?"

He pulled out his phone,m looking at the time."I'm supposed to get there at sundown so they can," Nino froze for a minute as his face contorted in horror. "Awe, man!"

"What's wrong?" Adrien asked in concern.

The DJ sighed, pocketing his device. "I have this client who wanted me to come by tonight to get the feel of his heavy metal show. He gave me a VIP ticket but now I can't make it because of my appointment. I don't suppose you know anyone who would be interested, because no offense but I don't exactly see you being the metal type."

He took the ticket to see the name Jagged 'Metal' Stone. The gears in his brain started to turn quickly. "Okay then… Sure, thanks, Nino. I think I know just the person."

"So, what you're telling me is that you have a ticket to Jagged stones new concert."

She could hear his hesitation in his voice, he clearly felt a little weird about the circumstance of how he got the tickets.

But she was excited, nonetheless."I'd love to go, and you know what, you don't even have to buy my ticket. I saved the girl who does his graphic work and she gave me her ticket as a thank you. I just can't believe I'm gonna have somebody to finally go with. Thank you so much, kitty. Love you."

With that, she hung up the phone. "Tikki, time to bust out the makeup and eyeliner. We've got a date tonight!"

Chat made it to the concert after trying his hardest to think of what a rockstar would actually wear.

In the end, he chose a pair of black jeans that were torn to no tomorrow, a faded t-shirt, spiked bracelets, and a black wig with a pink bandana wrapped around the top. To complete the look, he had a pair so star shaped sunglasses that were so large they nearly covered half his face.

It wasn't long before he felt a tap on his shoulder. A smile spread across his face but he was stopped before he could turn around. "Promise you won't laugh when you see me. I may have overdone it a bit on this one."

Even though she couldn't see it, he broke into a smile as if to put her fears to rest. It was a treasure to know when his lady let her guard down and did something out of the norm for herself, something crazy and wild. "M'Lady, I would never laugh at you for something so-"

His eyes nearly popped out of his head when he turned to see her hair straight up in a sequence of spiked mohawk and her face painted pure white with black markings around her eyes in place of a mask. Below, she was wearing a maroon leather jacket, a black crop top and torn blue short shorts.

The lump in his throat bobbled a few times as he tried to swallow the water that had gathered in his airways. Suffice to say, it didn't work well. He pulled on his neck collar, trying to let cool air pass through. "I… I really like the look."

There was a look on her face as his flooded with heat. A look that he couldn't mistake for pride screaming in her eyes. "Are you okay, kitty?" She asked him in a sing song voice. Her tone showed no evidence of her not understanding what she was doing to him. She was basking in it too.

Well, if that wasn't something. Forget his shy bugaboo. She might as well have the claws in the relationship.

But he was still trying to stand firm. "I'm fine, it's just really warm in here with all the people."

Before she could make her response the lights faded as smoke filled the arena. The sound a sick guitar riff soon followed and out came the star, the one, the only, Jagged Stone.

The crowd went wild as he walked out on stage, wearing three-foot purple pumps, his leather jewel studded cape following his every step as Fang rushed out on stage in a pair of green sunglasses swiping his tail at his master's pumps, causing him to fall flat on his face.

The crowd looked on in horror but to they're amazement he got right up wiping the blood from his nose. If one thing was clear, Jagged was metal. He clearly trained fang to trip him only to hype up his fans, even more, when he rose from the ashes of his gnarly fall. Surely, the news will be reporting this awesome spectacle for weeks to come.

Both Ladybug and Chat let out a triumphant yell, cheering on the rockstar as the show got started.

With all the times they had gone out in the past two months, he wanted to make this special and he had, with the help of bribing the homeowners with a future visit from both Chat, and his good acquaintance Adrien.

But luckily, he got the entire rooftop to himself to prepare for tonight's date. Their one year anniversary. And this time, no silly disguises, just them as Chat and Ladybug. He had spent the entire day working on this, even taking the day sick from school, just to get things right. It was a small rooftop where he set up a table with a dozen red roses placed in the center, her favorite cupcakes from one of the local bakeries, and even found a branch of her favorite pizza place that moved locations two years ago.

Everything was perfect and now all he had to do was wait for nightfall.

She didn't know what that kitty was up to but she knew it had to be something. All she got was a good morning text and an address followed by 'midnight'.

Yeah, after a day of total silence, she knew he had something up his sleeve and she was ready for it. He wasn't gonna catch her off guard. The days of her becoming a crumbling mess around the people she loved were over.

For the past month, she had been giving Tiki special designs just for this night. Her costume would be transformed into an elegant red dress with bold black highlights laced throughout.

When he got one look of her in it, his face would match the red of the fabric. This night would be one to remember.

"Plagg, You remembered the gift right?"

Adrien looked down at the little creature who was halfway through his wheel of cheese.

"I think so," Plagg said around his food filled mouth.

That did nothing to reassure him, if anything, it only worried him more. "What do you mean you think so?! I spent all day working on this and I gave you one job, the simplest and most important job."

Plagg's face could be the posterboard for bored. "See, that was your first mistake."

Adrien was about to lose his cool when the clock struck eleven. "Plagg, we have one hour. Where did you see it last?"

Plagg rubbed his head thinking of all the possibilities. "I think it's where I have my upper northwestern cheese stash."

Adrien's face went deadpan at that. "How many different stashes do you have for there to be an upper northwestern stash?"

"85 at least?"

"In Paris!?"

"No!" Plagg shook his head. "In your house. Do you realize how big that place is."

Adrien made not a word until the little creature got the hint. "I'm going to get that present now."

"Yeah, you should do that."

Midnight had finally come as he waited for her appearance and without a second to spare she landed on the rooftop, her scarlet dress shimmering in the candlelight.

His entire face rushed into a soft flush as his cheeks burned with a fiery passion. He took a step forward, nearly tripping over the air itself in the process. She giggled as he caught himself even letting out a tiny snort in the process. "H-hey, kitty."

There was a huge grin slapped on his face at that. Oh, goodness she's stuttering. Yes!

It was so cute knowing that he could cause that kind of reaction from her every now and again.

They sat down at the table that had been set up and he could see her eyes light up at the freshly made pizza that sat between them.

"Is that….?"

He nodded. "Yep, Luigi's. It was a pain in the butt to find but once I did I knew it had to bere here tonight."

She looked touched, amazed that he would do something so sweet."Thank you, kitty. This is all perfect." There was a small tear in his eye seeing her so happy. Everything had worked out, for once, he had planned something entirely romantic and it worked.

After the meal was finished, and the cupcakes devoured, he took her hand as his batton began to release a sweet song he had found just for the occasion. "May I have this dance?"

She smiled. "Only if it's light on the cheese."

He snorted. "Am I ever?"

She rolled her eyes, but allowed him to pull her into his arms as they just swayed lightly to the music. With her so close, his ears picked up on the distant sound of her heartbeat beating against his as they were chest to chest, and he let it calm him, as it always did.

When she brought her head to rest on his shoulder, he breathed in her imprinted scent and it caused him to smile, because this was just everything he ever wanted. Her in his arms as they just forgot the world around them.

Because, as long as she was in his arms, she was his world. He didn't need anything more.

That was when he realized he had almost forgotten the present. He pulled back, ignoring her questioning stare for the time being, before pulling the wrapped gift from his pocket. "At first, I couldn't find it, Plagg had placed it somewhere and had forgotten where he had put it, but we found it."

The tears in her eyes were filled with happiness, but he still wiped them away. "Kitty, you shouldn't have. Halfway here, I realized I forgot your present at home, I was so nervous."

He shook his head. "No worries, bugaboo. There's always later. Now open it. I really want you to see it."

His excitement caught on as she slid her finger under the wrapping and tore it open. When she lifted the lid of the small cardboard box, she gasped as her eyes came into contact of what laid inside.

Gently, her fingers scooped up the silver chained necklace. The jewel was a gold heart shaped locket, just big enough for one picture to be placed in. Her tears grew, but so did her smile. "Kitty, this is beautiful." She whispered. "Where in the world did you get it?"

He turned sheepish, hand going to run the back of his neck. "It was my mothers, actually. She gave it to me when I was young and told me to give it to the girl that I wanted forever with."

Her mouth bounced open and closed a few more times before it settled back into that beautiful smile of hers. "I love it." She handed the locket to him, and turned her back so he could clasp it around her neck. He did so without thought. "And I know exactly what picture I'm gonna put in it, even though it may be awhile."

His eyebrow arched in question as a goofy lopsided grin overtook his mouth. "And what picture is that?"

She cupped his jaw, leaning up to press one, two, three kisses to his lips, each lingering a little longer. "Our family, of course."

And that, he knew, would be the best picture in existence.

Until next time! Lots of love! Please lemme know your thoughts

[xz017]

.

oof. okay so imma do the latest tea???

got out of shower to hear my mum talkin to Agnes spillin the tea abt their friend/coworker

the one with that Kid my mum wanted to have a playdate with or whatever the annoyingly studious and clearskinned halfasian lookin girl i really envied.

her mum has a live in boyfriend who is basically like...an alcoholic mental case rip god i hate alcohol and i hate people who drink it like i only do it so i hate myself more and die but like this guy basically playin with knives n guns in the house and the kid who is like 19 idk why im callin her kid is so Over it like apparently she hasn’t been coming home and like

basically me in 2016 era when my mum was too generous n Helpful lettin ppl back into our lives and our House so i spent christmas morning 5am walkin in the cold n watchin 3 films until it got dark and stuff like that

girl be actin homeless---mood

so it came to a head today so Agnes is spillin the tea n her husband in the bg(omg it weird hearin him rip he was my military hs instructor wild) n my mUM is so selfrighteous n mad like

‘blablahblah well rosalie is being dumb she should put her daughter first she being sick in the head it her Choice’

n im like eavesdroppin havin warflashbacks of the dumb hypocrisy she has DOne lmao

‘has she no thought like what if Tyler gets raped/sexually abused by that man she’d let her daughter be in that environment???’

i mean it wouldnt be fair of me to be like...eyemoji on this cos she technically doesn’t know? but 19 may 2018 never4get lmao

anyway so my mum’s like our room is for rent and it’ll be far cheaper they dont even have to pay rn!!!

cue me being like...um...Money...generosity...i dont...LIke

i was conflicted here like idk i met the girl like 3-5 times im envious of her work ethic n her better asian disposition than mine cos she obviously prettier but she has better prospects and that’d suck if her life be like that

but also??? like...life be like that it was like that to me like who saved me????????????????????? 

um...no one

like why is that on me or US TO BE NICE n helpful im so tired like damn which is relevant to the next point anyway

cos earlier had a convo with my mum i was eyemojing healthcare profs i was like ‘pls stop bein on ye phone pls tell me info on ye opinion on respiratory therapists...what abt PA’

n deadass she be eyemojing me like STICK TO YOUR COURSE

n i was like...-ugly pleadin emoji eyes- n i was tryin to explain that i didn’t want to be so focused on one thing that if i decide this medical thing is what i want to pursue i’d need 1-2 years just for the PREREQS which is like 5 classes and 1000 clinical hours or minimum 6 month healthcare paid job. like if i decide i want to go to school for that i already have the Stuff and just Apply.

n she was like...you had your chance i bothered you to be a nurse a few years ago you were stubborn if you did as i said you’d be earning good money now but you wasted time

n i was like...oof i can’t say anything to that it’s tru. it real life tea it fax i wasted time n im old n im ruunnin out of time i hate myself alot i hate hate hate

and idk we got to talkin abt money n life cos she was like you have to find something you can learn to LOve

n i was like??? WHY I GOTTA SETTLE N FOOL MYSELF TO DO SO im super annoyed abt that mindset

cos the thing about a bloody Arts degree is there’s too fuckin many broad possibilities n they all aint even that good. like deadass if i was a STEM major ugh like if i was a Bio major prospects are so clear: forensics, research, premed,labtech. Meanwhile polsci for example: uhhh teacher? prelaw? politician? uhhh government work? n there’s like 111 different subdivisions of that n it’s like??? wat the fuck

deadass what am i gonna do with international security is that even gonna pay well like...the fuck do i know is it relevant ??? Doubts

n she was all like...PEOPLE JUST GOTTA DO WHAT THEY HAVE TO TO SURVIVE YOU GOTTA FIND YOURS N STICK WITH IT

n i was lowkey panique n frustrated cos i really REALLY hate being stuck in 1 ting n im like i HAD ACTING YOU SAID NO

n she was like pFF i wanted you to have something REAL cos if you dont make it in acting you’d be on the STREETS

n i was like...lmao lil did she know imma be on the streets next year smh this year actually

n she was like talkin abt the harsh reality of the workforce and how you gotta make do at how ppl treat you (patients) n how you might not even like your coworkers but you gotta deal with it because that’s what ppl do to survive

n she was talkin abt undeserving patients with no healthcare n i was like did you just hear yourself so you want them to die cos they dont got money and she was like 

no??? why get hooked up in the ICU when you’re braindead wasting government money taxes we payed for you don’t understand cos you dont have a job and dont get your salary cut cos of taxes and these people come in acting like they got something to give when they yell at your face acting like they know what they’re talking about they act entitled when they have nothing homeless ppl getting money and illegal immigrants are selfish bringing their kids to be hurt here

n im like...theyre life is ...shitty what are you talkin about n she was like so? why dont they stay and make it better??? one of my very first patients asked me why i was in america and i said i come from a poor country and they said why didn’t you stay and try to make it better? and i couldn’t say anything cos u know what they were right why dont illegal immigrants do that??? n im like...

cos theyre literally...RUNNIN and they want ppl they care abt i.e. children to be far away from that as soon as possible bruh ye think imma wait for change deadass there a reason why we suffer duterte he actually get shit done??? we dont have to wait for change the same way ppl who speak nice n are polite do but is stuck with bureaucracy and lowkey bein corrupt deadass stay in ye lane

n she’s like well i hope you’re right im done bein an idealist im a realist now i believed in good i wanted to help the world now no more

n im like...no you’re not a realist, you’ve just been hangin out with a republican

and she gave me a sideeye 

but deadass im ...scared like i really hate the empathy because when she was being serious n talkin n being honest abt things for once i started to unwillingly see things from her point of view i really felt it n i was scared i’ll be like that im scared she’s right

im scared i’ll end up Real n selfish like...i already am ? n bitter? like i care about so very few Personally and am willin to let others suffer to keep it safe n prioritised?

im scared.

like especially with racism all these years my mum’s been telling me it’s not that im racist just wait til you work with them they act so entitles and loud and make everything about race

n i almost told Her abt it earlier i skyped w her earlier we had a tea spillin moment about our ethnic relations bein racist but then idk we talked alot i guess the text got buried or unseen

like i said i was scared n didn’t get to unpack it like im scared because ive been livin with my roomate and like...ive been excusing it as a personality thing and that if it were anyone else different skin colour id still hate them just the same which i still maintain is true but like?

my RM is loud n she makes everything abt race like deadass me n my FM be just eating dinner and she passes by us and goes on a rant about harvard asians being a Blok to black ppl from getting There n im like...im tryna have dinner so i can get energy to deal with this stressful ass school

n she always talks like she knows what she’s talking about like ‘jewish ppl control the federal bank’ n im like...it 1am in the dark quiet of our shared room deadass i dont wanna tell the binch thats antisemitism cos she gonna be like im black how can i be racist smh

im!!! scared alright like i hate my roomate for proving my mum right when i try so hard to set things right like maybe that’s why i dont tell anyone about my situation other than Her. i never told my parents about the berkeley livin situation they already warn me enough to be careful n i just keep tellin them thats racist

i have so much........THOUGHTS n........DILEMMAS...n FEARS but like i just have this blog i cant trust anyone else to talk abt it n the only person i am willing to talk to abt it will be busy and im so ashamed abt these things but she was so sweet about givin me the heads up about her schedule 

like i hated that i had to get an ugly ass haircut today cos she came back to me n we couldve talked so i guess rip she was complacent n did stuff cos she replied late from then on like that dumbass haircut was 15 minutes ugh. our talkin pattern today was like...dashed lines timereply wise? i asked her if she packed earlier (pre haircut)n she said yes but rip a few hours later she was like...I need to pack 

wat is the truth rip

the tablet bein emo like...mood but my child rip.

my love be packin n spendin time with fam before leavin for london tomorrow

n even after that she doin...Stuff. rip.

which is ye know good for her rip.

i just hope she dont go iceskatin deadass one slip n she can crack her head open or break her neck or paralyse her spine like...??? why do humans wanna do dumb activities

like omg she admitted to me today she a serial jaywalker and WORSE with music n headphones like

binch thats why i didnt wanna enable you further by gettin ye airpods deadass bye

n she was like??? tryna equate it with my risky risk like ummm

mine is for science n validity

hers is just carelessness n chosin lazy convenience over idk...the responsibility of self vigilance like...

bruh ppl shouldnt promise someone 91 years if they be continuin to do dumb stuff consciously oof rip

but other than that like...im...really proud of this resolution she be undertakin officially on the 14th?

im nervous abt it cos i really want it for her too. i want her to get the proper sleep n i always hated her givin excuses like ‘IM FINE ON 4 HOURS OF SLEEP’ ‘I NAPPED 3 HOURS 38293820 HOURS AGO IM FINE I MADE UP FOR IT’ um...blokt. get proper sleep binch i love you tf???

prioritise work cos ye gonna regret not givin it yer all??? n ye payin for this???

what fun??? we capitalists now we want that money rip.

i see that shift you know rip i saw it comin a year ago.

that dont mean we republicans rip we still care about others n the inequality? but like i foresaw us getting acquainted with the harsh reality of the world n how difficult it is to get a job--which she experienced along the way.

n rip she wants many things bookmarkin them n honestly same rip

i want a stable warm home for this family n a shiny diamond to get disassociated by extra im a simple man

meanin im selfish n im ready to prioritise meanin im ready to make the choice for others to fall apart/behind if it means puttin This first rip

god pls dont make me a republican this so ugly

# 1 she’d hate me #2 i’d hate me

now im sad

im dead.

omg rip earlier too as she said goodbye i told her i loved her and she was like ‘i love you more’

DEADASS I WAS LIKE LMAO!!! girL i dont think you understand im literally Ready to put you and our possible future First like...im not messin around what skitrips with rich ppl what friends my love is potent n extreme n COncentrated like im sorry ik you feel love for me but you cant top This rip she not ready 

like the um ‘partially wanna make my life’s work abt knowin what might hurt n kill ye so i can kill it first or blok it well’ kinda love

the ‘im already savin for at least HALF a first month deposit in an overpriced london in case you wanna settle down wit me Mayhaps n im not touching it for ANYTHING’ kinda love

the ‘im thinking of a winter home in the tropics so you suffer less n im plannin the floorplans already rip just in case’ kinda extraness

but anyways the gall of this cute lovely human rip ‘i love you more’ ummm try Again smh

bruh i love her too much i bet that’s scary for her rip it might be a Burden tbh she so young rip 

meanwhile im old n ready to rot but like...

i wanna be mortal wit ye before i do

but ye know wat lads i saw myself in the mirror today like 5 times OOF. this meatform...keepin me...Humble. 

bitter but like...humble

‘like of course sHe not ready not only is my personality like dis but also...my outward form how could she introduce me as a Spouse’

‘wow i look like that oof it good i remembered i am undeservin of full intense love like in the films n fanfiction they always between attractive ppl after all it only 1/2 it not Equal’

‘wow bruh ye really upset she spendin time n resources elsewhere when you be lookin like That? ye dont have much to offer bro take the L’

oof so that’s the personal tea i can think of?

had a meghan marke talk rip i can’t believe i was right??? i had twin vibes!!! but i was hoping for like a variety situation rip im worried a lil abt the whole birthin Late ting but she can afford the highest care rip it fine she rich.

my love was talkin abt how pretty MM was n i was like rip is she triggerin Her a lil rip worrirooni

rip speakin of babies like she was showin me this smol gummybear n im like same das me heart n she was like :( n i was like it only fits you

n she was like so no children then:(

n i was like!!! rip if it Ours of course that Counts n i was a lil shook like rip she said she didn’t want them Really so i always get guilty when i talk abt the future or realise i mentioned kids or carelessly name drop Hyaline n Benzion like...im dead rn just typin that like what if she read this big shame bro

but ye know what this is already long n she gonna be busy maybe that’s the key. TOo Much puts ppl OFF so ye mayhaps we sneaky ! ?

anyway i was tryin to get her thoughts on it rip but like she was all iDK ASK ME IN 13 Yrs n i was like...

sighemoji + sandemoji + resignedemoji

rip we talked FAaC a lil. cos she Dared!!! to liken me to her brother just cos i showed her my cheap youth boy shoes smh

At first i was super offended n disgusted but then i was like rip eyemoji if ye into that

then she was like ew nO

then i was like um ye already play the ‘daddy u like me young huh’ card

which is like idk is like technically? joking but it’s like that post ye know abt ppl bein ‘whether or not im actually jokin or flirtin depends if you into it’ but also like schrodingers racism like ‘it was a joke bro!!!’ but they actually bigots.

so it DIFFICULT for my brain to Confirm rip like...eyemoji what is the truth

but like??? im rip. willin. rip. to. rip. Try. rip.?

really i am rip. it Her. bruh. im only hopin she dont have a golden shower kink but. trust i...Will follow thru.

nO IM REMEMBERIN THE DOO DOO POST DESPAIR

rip anyway that whole thing reminded me of FAaC origins which was porn n then somehow sHe was like imagine if egggsy was a singer he’d sing like ‘age is just a number’ shit n i SPILLED THE TEA ABOUT A TING IN PT 3 im so weak sand

i miss the gays

i wanna give them justice n happiness but the 2027 excuse is rl nice for my ugly procrastination issues oof but i wish them well

add: rip had another talk with my mum i really wanted her to understand my thought process about wanting to get the prereqs for medtraining done beforehand

n she was like...I UNderstand but Normal people--

n i was like ‘IM NOT NORMAL I DONT KNOW HOW TO CHOOSE I HAVE NO IDENTITY’

n she’s just like SHOOKE n mad n clearly dont understand that im fukt up in the head ‘...IC AN’T BELIEVE YOU!!! iF YOU’RE ABNORMAL YOU WONT GET HIRED N YOU WONT HAVE A NICE JOB’

n im like...well i mean what can i say to that it’s not like it’s not tru rip

Big sand honestly.

it gonna be a long few days imma do my best to leave her alone she needs her time rip i love her so much rip sand

i feel like a dumb ugly dog god fljækadfkøad h8

[pappycat89]

So, talking about early life and some of the things that im pretty sure fucked me up for adult life. under a cut cos boy will it be long and poorly written *finger guns*

i was gonna do this as like a timeline of things that happened, with explanations and shit, but instead im just gonna do a highlight reel, cos why not

My brother and i used to share a room for years, including when my younger brother and sister were born, grew up, and then got their own rooms while luke and i had to share a room into our teens. we fought, a lot, because we were kids and also stupid

when we were sharing a room it would become a huge mess, mostly because we were preteens and why would we put away the toys we were always playing with? anyways, our stepdad would often give us an hour to clean our rooms, which would have been plenty of time if we didnt get distracted by out toys, as kids do. if we didnt get it cleaned in time (which we pretty much never did) we would get flogged. not like a gentle smack to enforce we’d done something wrong (like how you might smack a friends arm when they say something wrong or offensive) but full on belting, often with some kind of tool. he broke a couple duster over our backsides. we would sob for ages afterwards, and often rush around or hide when we heard him coming because we were afraid

i was afraid of him physically hurting me even after i was an adult. i think i was 20 before i had had enough and decided if he ever touched me again i’d fight back. when i was 16 i wanted my eyebrow pierced. he told me if i ever did he would tear it from my face. i got it done when i moved out at 19, and had a panic attack the first time i had to go home because i was 100% convinced he would. my mum had to pull me aside after dinner to tell me he wouldn’t, but to be honest i didnt really believe her

i have two younger step siblings, who were treated as angels, while my brother and i were treated like shit constantly. When my step-brother threw a tantrum and threatened my brother and me with a knife, he got a ‘talking to’, but not before my brother and me were screamed at for being shitty brothers (his temper tantrum was because we kept telling him he had to clean his room before our parents got him. he never did clean it)

once, my step brother was given 3 days to clean his room. days after the deadline, my mum told put her foot down. My girlfirend and i (i had moved out at this point) were visiting and helping get the place ready for xmas. My step brother refused to clean, screamed at me when i reminded him he only had today to do it, literally went crying to mum when she got home from work. I got yelled at,, by both mum and my step dad, until my grilfriend stepped in to defend me. apparently my step brother had told them i hit him, yelled at him and locked him in his room. at this point in my life, i literally couldnt give a shit whether he cleaned his room or not as i didnt live there, so all i did was remind him and let it go

for a few months when i was 18 i worked with my stepdad at a steel mill (the pay was almost worth deal with his bullshit). i had made plans a week in advance to go out with friends, and asked my stepdad multiple times to warn me in advance if i had to work the next day. the day of going out came, i told him that if i had to work to let me know by 10pm, because i would have enough time to come home and be functional for work. He never got in contact, so i stayed out all night and crashed at a friends place. 5am comes around and i get an angry phone call from my mum. my stepdad was pissed that i was out and wasnt ready for work. She knew that i had asked to be told by 10pm, but they both had ‘forgot’, and it was my fault, because i should have come home anyway. this was not the last time they would forget to tell me my shifts (my stepdad literally gave everyone their shifts, he had no excuse). i ended up getting picked up and dragged to work (i was too afraid of him to say no at this point) and went to work very hungover, which was very dangerous at a steel mill, but i was so afraid of him beating me that i put up with it

During my preteens i was part of an athletics club. i liked it, and enjoyed the field events far more then the track events. i hated running, because i would get really bad shin splints. no one believed me, and mum thought i was just lazy. i got into the regional championships for discus and high jump, and state for javelin. everyone was excited for me to go, but when i didnt place no one talked about it again. i felt so guilty over failing i stopped trying as hard. i did well at the weekly events, but never well enough to compete again.

i played soccer for years until mum got a weekend job and couldnt take us. my teammates thought i was useless and would never let me have the ball. one day, when we were short people, i got placed as a forward. i kept up with the others, and even scored a few goals. i got cheered for that game, and finally thought i would be accepted and make friends, but then the next week was back on the bench

similar happened when is started playing basketball instead of soccer (it ran on weeknights instead of weekends). i almost gave up until one of my teammates pulled me aside and actually tested me. when he found i could play, he started including me in games, passing to me and teaching me better techniques. i crushed on him so hard before i even knew what that meant. i never saw him again after that season, so when the next season came with an almost all new team, mixed with the emotional strain of school, i gave up on sports

school was very hard for me growing up. i got bullied alot through both primary and high school (even university, but by that point it didnt bother me as much)

i was a very sensitive child. i would cry whenever i felt too much of any emotion, including happiness. People told me for years to ‘suck it up’, to stop crying, or better, that they’d ‘give me something to cry about’. this lead to me bottling my emotions and literally beating myself whenever i would cry that i physically couldnt shed a tear for over a decade.

i felt so disconnected from everyone in my life that when i was around 12 i decided to try to kill myself. being a stupid kid i thought i could hold my breath until i died. i tried 3 times over about 6 months. it never clicked that it wouldnt work, i just became more scared of death then i did of my bullies.

i ran away from school twice in the same year. the first time one of my bullies set off a cap gun next to me, then started yelling about how i did it. i was so afraid of getting in trouble, not just by my teacher, but by my parents that i just ran. i ended up coming back to the school 30 mins later, after both my parents and the police had been called. no one wanted to hear why i had done it, they just wanted to be angry that i left school grounds.

i dont remember why i did it the second time, but i was gone maybe 5 mins before i came back, fearing not only my parents but the police this time. i knew i would be in worse trouble, but i just couldnt be in the school anymore.

one time, when we had a sex education class, i explained to a ‘friend’ that i didnt like talking about this stuff, cos it made me feel weird (not in a sexual way, but like, grossed out weird) he told everyone i got an erection in class, and people called me boner boy for months. that was actually not long before i tried to commit suicide for the first time

i thought things would be better in high school because i went to a different school then everyone i knew (i missed my friends, but i figured id get a new start). instead i got bullied from day one. the jockish kids in my class saw i was an easy target because at this point i still cried at the drop of a hat. some of those bullies from day one bullied me all the way through to senior year.

as i hit puberty i stopped being so emotional (well, i bottle it up more) and instead became angry at everything. i would lash out at everyone, and when i couldnt lash out at people i hit things. i split my knuckles on walls and doors many times

once, in the library, one of my bullies stole my wallet. he took all the money out, then threw the empty wallet at me and laughed. i snapped and threw the chair i was sitting on at him. i missed, but he dropped the money. i got sent to the vice principals office, where i explained what happened. he called in the other boy, who denied it all. no one else had seen, so i got in trouble and he got off

it was in highschool that i learnt that pain could help clear the bad feelings from my head, and started to self harm. i hated the feeling of cutting, so i burned myself, or scratched mosquito bites and small cuts until that got so bad they would scar

i used to try really hard in to be a good student in high school. i was in the ‘gifted and talented’ classes in primary school, so whenever i didnt do well (i never failed, just was never top of my class) i got told i had ‘so much potential’. no one ever saw the effort i did put in. When the school sent a letter home one time to congratulate me on getting the second top score in a test, i heard nothing of it. i found the letter a few weeks after it had been sent, opened. neither my mum nor stepdad had said anything about it. soon after i decided there was no point in trying if people only ever cared when i failed

i got into a fist fight one day at school. they didnt call my folks, so my mum found out when i got home with a black eye. we got into a fight about it, because i didnt want to talk to her about what happened. when confronted i broke down, and told her that i wanted to die. she yelled at me about being selfish while smacking me across the face multiple times. i decided not to talk to her about how i felt anymore, because i couldnt understand how you could beat someone who just said they wanted to die. to this day everytime i try to talk to her about any serious emotional stuff i start to break down and just cant do it

i to bullied about being gay for so many years that when i started to have feelings for other men i buried them and tried not to think about it. i spent years being scared that i might be gay, worried about what would happen to me if i was. When i started to think about my gender ( i didnt understand gender at the time) and how i wished i had been born a woman, i buried that and just assumed it was puberty hormones fucking with me. i still cant think about it without almost having an anxiety attack. i have so many years of self hatred, of poor body images and of people telling me i was ugly/fat/gross that i cant see myself as anything but

i finally calmed down emotionally around 17/18. senior year. at this point i tried my best to ignore my bullies and the voices in my head. i just wanted school to end so i could run away somewhere. i wanted to go to university to study forensic science. i had two different teachers tell me i wasnt smart enough, and that i would never get into uni. i ended up failing my HSC and having to do a bridging course to get into uni. the course was so good, in both how they taught in the environment (it was held at the univeristy) that i more then doubled my ATAR and got accepted into the two top forensic science courses (in hindsight i chose the worse of the two, but i didnt know at the time)

university was mixed years. i made some amazing friends and learnt some great stuff, but also had to deal with some absolute dickheads. It was a small country town where the only things to do outside study was to drink and play football. id given up on playing sports years before hand, and 9 out of 10 of the football players were super racist and homophobic. One of them raped a friend of mine and the university defended him. thats when my friends and i decided we had to leave campus. add to that that i found out at the end of my third year i had been doing the wrong course for the job i wanted, i quit uni and left

TL:DR - theres a lot of shit that fucked me up, but typing it all out i cant tell if it actually fucked me up or if im just whining about normal shit. ahh well. better to get it out then keep it in

Tune in next time folks! Same Bat-time! same Bat-channel!

[anxiousramblingsblog]

Lets be positive

10-10-18

I had a post that I started but I guess i waited too long bc it isnt saved and now its gone. Oh well!!! 

Yesterday was a good day. Work was easy. Started chatting with Rob again and that quicly turneed sexual. Im not usually one to chat with people that way, expecially someone I havent met but it just happened and it felt nice. Things got a little instense to the point I was EXTREMELY turned on while at work. It was set to be my date night with Joel, but he has been going through some stuff lately and hasnt wanted sex or really any physical touch, so I felt a bit frustrated. I was however, very much looking forward to my date night with him. I only see him one day a week, which can be extremely hard since my love languages are physical touch and quality time. But hey, thats why im kinda looking for a second partner to fill in those gaps for the time being. 

So I went home, still extremely horny. To my surprise, Joel was already at my house, letting my dogs out. He seemed very distant though, so when he left to run home a moment I got out my favorite toy to help myself a bit. Then I showered and got ready for date night. Joel and I talked a bit in the car, went to dinner where we had more conversation. Sometimes we are able to converse so well and understand each other, and sometimes its like we speak two different languages and just trigger each other. But this was a good conversation and I felt much closer to him. We went to see Venom, and he was affectionate during the movie. He left me cuddle him and touch him which makes me very happy. 

When we got back to my place, he cuddled me more and actually did end up wanting sex so that was nice. I probably also mentioned im kinky. I am very submissive and love to be manhandled in bed and roughed around. I need it. I crave it. And not very often do I get it. Someone who knows how to be rough the right way. Joel can be a little extra rough sometimes but I might just be not used to it anymore.  I really should find a play partner to fill that part of me. 

He stayed up for a bit and I slept. I woke up worried at 5am that he hadnt come to bed since I knew he needed to get up rather early also. But he finally joined me and my pups in bed. 

Todays been pretty uneventful so far. Im in a more positive state of mind (yesterday and today). One of my rare moments of clarity and im trying to hang on to it. We’ll see how long it lasts. Turned down a few guys, chatted with Rob and my long distance love insterest, Matt. Maybe I have a problem. Of the guys im currently interesting in romantically... one is only availble on tuesdays (Joel), one lives two hours away (havent mentioned him yet), one lives in another country! (Matt), and one goes to bed the same time I get home from work (Rob)... so while it appears im talking to a lot of people.. im really still in the same spot of being very alone. 

Gonna finish up work and continue chatting with people. Hit the gym tonight and then try to catch up on some paperwork ive been neglecting.

[evilback-wards]

Top Candidate  [Pre-DRV3]

Chapter Eight

Length: 2070

Rating: 16+ish?

Prefer AO3 format? Click here. Otherwise, below the line lovelies!

Today was painful. All of a sudden TS decided to give us back our full memory. It’s been difficult to cope with the constant personality changes within me. It’s sorta bullshit that I had my personality replaced in the first place. Who did that blue-haired cunt think she is? My body felt worse  once I had been introduced to my old memories. During scenes we ran today, I kept switching between normal me and this fictional persona of me. My body often struggled to follow through with what I actually wanted. For example, TS had to drag me here today because I refused to leave my room. Oh, yeah, we have rooms now. Apparently of all the high tech things they can do, they can’t organize what our rooms for the killing game will look like. I kept mine simple. Our talent rooms, however, were designed by high-end roleplayers from across the world. Mine happened to be a pretentious fuck that “ironically” decorated my talent room with things to use to kill others. Poison, the most stupid killing device ever in a video games, was put in my room without a second thought.  After getting really pissed off there, I was dragged off by TS into a classroom. After that, Kokichi was walked here with Rantaro(Kodaka likely is on the panel for whatever this fucking audition entails).

The classroom had been strange, the desk arranged in a circle. The chalkboard wasn’t a traditional one; it had been replaced with a high tech board with a blue landing screen. I hadn’t been let near it due to TS insisting we needed to take pictures before the auditions tomorrow. Well, whatever tomorrow comes. Time was hard to track here. My old personality had nothing to help or offer when it came to getting my bearings in such a weird electronic space.

Another weird quirk about the current classroom I was in was the desk arrangement. All of the desk were arranged in a circle, with lighting fixtures all around them. Kokichi and I sitting next to each other, the light from all the equipment starting to piss me off.

“I bet they’re setting up for our headshots for the audition,” Kokichi said, smiling as he adjusted his scarf, “I think we’ll at least be shot fairly this way.”

“Then where’s the blonde bitch then,” I questioned, my eyes scanning the room for other personnel. It appeared empty besides the two of us. I didn’t understand this at all. It would be helpful if those assholes running this could give us clear directions. But, no, apparently this would all lead up to some big despair-inducing event.  I looked over at Kokichi now, whom seemed to have frown on his face. What was the matter with him? Kokichi placed both of his hands on either one of my shoulders, his face staring up at mine.

“Ah, don’t talk to your lover like that! She’s yours, remember,” Kokichi stated, his lips frowning. He looked serious. Was Kokichi being a dick or did he actually not regain his memory of our past?

“Er, sure for the game. But, in reality…” I said, leaning closer to Kokichi’s face. I watched as his face turned scarlet, closing his eyes as we met for a kiss. I heard several cameras flicker as our lips met, my eyes opening and looking around at the flashes.

Once my eyes settled from the brightness, I saw TS and Kokichi standing next to each other. I looked to see who had really been in front of me. Of course, it had to be the blonde bitch instead of my actual person of interest.

“There we are! We have all the pictures we need for your picture reference book! Are we excited for auditions, everyone,” TS asked, morphing into Sayaka.

“Why give us back our memory if we’re just going to lose it again,” Kaede said, seeming just as upset as I am.

“Yeah, and at least warn me before I’m forced to kiss blondie,” I added, exchanging intense glares with Kaede and TS. TS just laughed. Her eyes felt cold when she looked at me with a serious stare. I tried to glare back at her in attempts to show something of a backbone. I was tired of playing the pantsy they oh so desired. When I saw that TS was moving her shoulder, my eyes followed her hand.

On the desk in front of TS lay a black-and-white folder with a Monokuma plastered on the front. TS placed her index finger over the eye, causing the file to blink red before being absorbed into the desk.

Before I was able to voice further complaints, I felt the area around me shift.

A surge of heat and cold collided in my body, my vision blurring to darkness. The cold of a summer night had overtaken my exposed skin, my body holding something warm, small, and squishy...my eyes tried to focus, but the most I could make out is purple hair.

“Koki..chi? I think I just woke up from a bad dream,” I muttered, noticing the low battery notice flash on the vita screen. I saw the purple hair turn into a face. As it got closer, it did turn out to be him. I could feel a smile form from my lips, and for the first time, I actually *felt* real. I could feel the warmth from inside my body, blood pumping from and to all corners. I could feel the weight in my eyelids, struggling to stay awake. I could feel my hands securely around Kokichi’s waist.

“I don’t want to waste time. After this, our lives will be at the whim of some stupid adults...this is the only moment we get,” Kokichi whispered to me. As Kokichi adjusted himself in my hold, I could feel his body begin to pin me down against the treehouse wall.  Despite his small stature, Kokichi seemed stronger than usual.

“Take me, detective,” Kokichi said, his voice soft but demanding.

I could feel fingers pull at the buttons on my uniform. I wanted to grin, but for some reason, it felt like something was overriding my body. My hands stayed at their sides, only moving when Kokichi slipped off my shirt.

I could feel Kokichi shift to straddle one of my legs, his knee grinding against my groin. I jerked back, hitting the wooden wall of the treehouse several times before Kokichi held me steady against his knee.

As much as I wanted this, to say all the things I wanted to when Kokichi wasn’t ready, it felt like there was cotton in my mouth. I hadn’t been the slightest bit nervous. My hands wanted to explore many areas of Kokichi. Before all of this, before we were thrown into this madness...it was Kokichi who was too scared to do anything. He kept ranting and raving about parent paranoia, the stink in the treehouse, if Keebo or Rantaro stopped by and watched, and any bad scenario in between the spectrum.

But, as Kokichi’s knee teased me, my body felt helpless to his touch. I was beginning to suspect there being an error with porting my consciousness back into my human-esque body when my hands jolted to slap Kokichi’s back, grinding his knee further against my groin. I let out a soft groan, looking up top the treehouse. How much of this would I end up remembering? Why were we giving up so easily to the team and doing stuff like this instead?

I felt Kokichi’s lips glide against my neck now, leaving bite marks along the way.

“I better make sure that cunt Kaede knows who you belong to,” muttered Kokichi between bites, before crashing into my lips.

I hadn’t wanted to give up, but I also didn’t want to miss this chance. Kokichi was always too nervous to go further than 2nd base with me. I guess, with the prospect of dying in front of us, we had to make due with whatever freedom they gave us.

.   .  .

“Are you sure it’s ok to let  #154 and the top candidate use their bodies for the night? What if they decide to run off,” asked #2002. I scoffed at such a question, pounding my cane into the marble flooring. Around me were people scrambling to get the place looking just right for tomorrow. My throne room had to be best, of course, passed down 52 generations. My help staff had to help the current event staff, which could easily surpass one thousand. But I couldn’t retain a dedicated team like last cycle, or else disaster may strike. I needed to keep tasks as spread out as possible to avoid any colluding. If  this cycle was anything like the last, I’d make a mockery of who I am. Who I stand for. What I believe in.

The throne chair was being polished as I sat down, multiple teams of mine were rushing about and discussing different sections of tomorrow.  

The blue haired, glasses wearing, oddly average girl in front of me was on one knee. It was tradition for candidates and participants to address us like this. Otherwise, they’d be killed off or otherwise disposed off. Her eyes appeared distant as they stared at the marble flooring underneath her. If she hadn’t been in cahoots with Team Danganronpa, I would’ve killed her on the spot. And, I guess, I saw her as worthy of going through auditions. We can’t let cycle 52 be repeated at any cost. I’m anxious, ok? What if we fuck up and let a fucking, er, I won’t spoil it. Not to myself and not for anyone out there who like secrets. I needed to keep my head cool and confident. I had to find the perfect vessel to make this the best killing game yet.

“Duh. Those two boys think they’re gonna die tomorrow. What’s the point of speeding up that process? I’m not gonna like let #154 die a virgin with what promise he’s shown during training,” I answered, a few of my assistants crowding my hair. Guess I am  cutting it a bit close with my personal presentation. They’re using those ultra-HD cameras this year so any imperfection will be viewed for the entire black market.

“Perfect and impeccable as usual, dear Junko.When should I fetch their data for tomorrow?” #2002 asked, her eyes still to the floor.

“Promptly at 5AM. Once their data is loaded back in, they will likely forget the event ever happened. Despair inducing, right? To force them into their old bodies, let them fuck, and then have them forget it ever happened?” I replied, laughing loudly. I listened as that laugh echoed onward, between those who worked for me and the natural good acoustics of my throne room. Ah, how beautiful it feels to be alive and living on the Junko legacy.

“Yes, understood. Andyes, very despair inducing...perhaps, something we could incorporate that in the killing game?” #2002 said, starting to stand on her two feet. I wasn’t expecting her to keep rattling on, but, she did make an interesting point. Besides Cycle 27, there had been no legal cotial relations setting for the participants. And the despair that could come from it...it would be a possibility good enough for any remaining funds post production. I couldn’t let  #2002 get away with leaving her respectful position. A smirk curled up from my face, a cutsy look overtaking my persona.

“Ah. Speaking out of turn, I see?” I said, pressing a button on the side of my throne. Large spikes shot from the ground, scrambling the data and pixels of #2002.  

“Y҉ę͚̣͇͇̻͇̤s̛͉̯͇̮͙̪,̘̥͓͈̝̝̬͠ ̮͍̕I͍͇̥͔̖̺ ̷̙̖̱̭̲͎̦lo̤̙͚͞ͅv̹̱e̙͇͢ͅ ̴t̪͉͍h̬͇̜̦̱̙͜i҉̰͎̖͙͙̜ͅs͔̰̤̩͢

͕̰͉̥͡

͕̜̜͇̼D̵͖̹̠̘͇E͕̼͎̬͍̞S̖P҉͔̰̳̮͖̞A͓̗̦͠I͉͝R͖Ḑ̯̹͖̬̥̬E̪̫̥̱S͈̫͎̩P̖A̞̣̥͓I̠R̲̯̙͉͡D̵̰Ȩ̟͉S̱̦̱̕P̩͕̩̗̪̙͟ĄỊ̳̥̮͠RD͉̱̠͖E̱̱̣͉̼̭S̰͍̖̝̮̜P̫̺̻͜AI͇̙̖̥̳̝͈͘R̮̫D̪͕̜̼͎̗ͅE͚͎̜͓͔͚S̖̖̞P̧̭̝̩͈̙̖A̖͈̘̬͎͍I̬͙R̥D̜E̯̞̫̹͍ͅS̡͔̳͙͈P̧̦̗̻A͔̣I̟̤̩͚͉͈̘R͕” #2002 voice still managed to speak out, the dead pixels causing her voice to sound more like some sort of vaporwave song. Huh. I guesss I should fix her. She does need to load back in #154 and the top candidate.

“Assistants, fix #2002 so she can proceed with wor--” I began to say, but the dumb cunt couldn’t stop saying despair. Her words were beginning to dirty my throne room, random black pixels scattering against the marble floor. It was disgusting but….so despair inducing. So beautiful. So honest.

“Also, advance her roster to the 2nd audition,” I added, footsteps rushing across the room with their fair share of paperwork. This should prove to be interesting.

[stardust-static]

Insomnia is creeping back up

Nuuuuuu!

Can't fall asleep till almost 3am, not waking up till 11pm... I don't like that. My sleeping routine was so bad towards the end of last year. I couldn't fall asleep till 5am. Sometimes it would be till like 8am. I just could not fall asleep at night. And I'd just sleep here and there throughout the days. That all changed when I started eating better. I think it's no coincidence that now that I have little cheat snacks here and there, both my insomnia and signs of depression are coming back. Change of diet really does change things I swear.. Also the added stress of just life in general right now is not helping anything. I really need to eat better. I do all day, its just those late night snacks that are killing it for me. I really need to stop it. And I won't let my sleeping schedule get that bad again. My parents would be like "Hey! Wake up!". Lol

Anyway... Things are okay. Besides the obvious things that are wrong. That I keep talking about.

Banned from seeing Bailey -- still stands. Still miss him. Still trying to stop that because there's really nothing that can be done and this situation is going to be ongoing for awhile. Its just frustrating... I'm trying real hard not to dwell on that. I'm happy that he's doing well though! His ER is not one of the ones being overwhelmed just yet + they have pleanty of medical equipment for the nurses. If anything its been really slow at his work. And yeah. He's doing good.

Living with my parents again as an adult lady and am now literally stuck in the house with them indefinitely -- it was hard at first (still kinda is, but we're grooving (whatever that means)). My dad and I bumped heads for awhile there at first and I was really upset about some things he said to me and the way he was treating me in general was not nice at all, but my sister set him strait and things got better. He's been nice towards me ever since which is nice (He's scared of my sister). So hopefully these next 4-6 months continue on like this and there will be no more bumps in the road.

Job search -- sucks. Really bad. Economy crashing and all of that, but I still checked everyday and apply for jobs. Trying not to be discouraged!

Real estate license -- still underway. I am currently reading through my final book for my course work, have one more exam to take and pass for my required course work hours, and then it's time for my final state exam and I have a GIGANTIC book that I have to study for that. So I should be wrapping up my coursework this month. Finally! But after that I really have to drill this stuff into my brain and MEMORIZE! I won't be able to take any notes with me into the state exam area and it's really difficult from what I hear. Most people fail it their first go around. So I'm gonna give myself an entire month to study. I truly have an awful memory so I've prepared with as much study material I could get my hands on. I already got the book on the california exam and flash cards and I paid for the timed practice tests. The most difficult thing for me is the laws. There are A LOT of laws that you need to know to be a real estate agent! So yeah I've got my work cut out for me, but I still really want this and I'm all in!

plants-- all my plants are doing lovely! Have not killed one since being at my parents! Getting kinda good at this "green thumb" thing 😊. I'm just saddened that I cannot go look at plants like I used to. Also I was hoping to get a job at a plant nursery while studying for my real estate exam, but I don't think that will happen now. :/

Also all the plant YouTubers aren't posting any fun plant content. Just a bunch of online plant orders. Not as fun as nursery tours. :(

So yeah... Just spoiling my plants I do have. Took them all out onto my parents covered patio to get some indirect sunlight when we had a few sunny days. Some of my plants really liked it and I got a bunch of new growth from doing that. 😄

And yeah... That's life. I'm trying to get out and take Winston on a walk every day to just get some fresh air and to be alone for awhile. Today after our walk I didn't go strait home and i went for a little drive. Just to clear my mind and listen to some music. Little things to hold onto my sanity. Also i set up a tv mount all by nyself today. I'm so proud! Its been sitting in my room for a week. Bailey was supposed to put it together for me, then things happened, but I finally got around to it and did just fine. 😁 Tomorrow is a stay in my room all day and study kind of day. Goodnight! ❤

Hopefully I can fall asleep soon...

[cheswirls]

i have so many thoughts and its about 430 am so lets get started before they get scrambled.

i decided to read red potter and the middleground, but because i finished one so early in the morning, i had to hold off on the other for a bit, until this -past, i guess- evening. i had read for sure a chapter of the middleground previously, maybe two, but i’ve read too much now that the recollection isn’t coming to me like it came in small bursts through reading through chapter one again. i think it was another instance when i got extremely busy and had to put it down, maybe tac2 took over, dunno, but i got back to it now bc im still on the post-playthrough-of-white high and anything deep in unova is good and lu is fantastic so i knew this would be fantastic and is was right.

it’s a very dark read? unexpected, then again, its centered around a war, so also i shouldve expected it. the realization hit me around the third chapter, i think, when the nimbasa incident happened. very dark and very good. and emotional, i dunno how many times ive cried tonight but its been a night/twilight. the whole story basis with the center legend of unova and all the olden history is really good, its all really boosting my unova high like this is exactly what ive been needing to find, and all the characters it brings in despite the animeverse of it all -benga, n, touko!!- and the roles they play just really made it better, its kind of shallow but i like it even moreso because of the additions and though the story kept me highly entertained and drawn in there were a couple moments when i wished like oh man i hope the story has n in it bc n man jus n i need n content and then bam mentioned and now hes officially in it sort of i mean yeah he is. in the story. and this was early on like during the first few chapters so i had to hold out but it was worth it like, the story is interesting with the anime characters and i knew it was gonna be aniverse going into it and it was good and fine and still is good and fine. 

i dont remember when i started wishing for touko but man oh man it happened and i was like damn this could happen i wish she was kinda here bc i think i had begun to pick up on something and then later i really picked up on it which i will get to later and them bam another happy revelation and i am still like. touko. shes here. shes a part of the story. this is awesome.

anyway before this gets too long to massively too long, this is basically going to be a big analysis and happy-rant post, so if you have not read the middleground by the amazing @pkmncoordinators, you should do so here but then like leave this post until you do and then come back, that would be good. the rest is under a cut to save peoples dashes, sorry this is mega long already aha.

i played ghetsis’ battle theme through a chapter and it mustve been a shorter one bc it lasted me -30min- near the entire chapter. maybe the one beginning w the drayden and alder talk? or the dragonspiral tower one? or maybe theyre the same, its been a long night of binging this entire work. anyway. it set the mood for whatever chapter like i intentionally was like oh this theme is a little foreboding lets play it. and i had it down so low sometimes i could only hear the percussions to it, but it was still there, setting the tone.

otherwise, i found myself only keeping to n music. maybe there were a couple plays of unova e4, way in the very beginning of the first/second chapters, maybe, but for the most part, i kept with n’s songs. the bridge, some, the castle and battle theme, a lot. some renditions of such in b2w2 style. i tried to play through the music of n’s room in the castle, but i had to stop after a little into it, maybe ten minutes, because it was getting all these feelings out of me and i felt like if i played it all i would ‘tire it out’, so to speak, even though that hasnt happened w any of the tracks thus far, but i really want that to be a special one i  have on to draw inspiration from. later into the night/morning, whenever, i did decide to try out a remix of it via the b2w2 track of the same theme. the tune is in a slightly different pitch, but more than that, it gets distorted, almost corrupted, throughout and differentiates itself that way from the original, so i did end up playing through that no problem. i cant recall now if i ever played a theme back to back, i think i switched after the 30min was over, which, understandable, it’d been looping for half an hour. but i think i did play it again maybe once, which is fine. good.

but enough with music meta. its interesting, maybe thats where the draws of ‘where’s n?’ came from, but its not the focus.

oooh boy lets talk about various things that i will address here bc its 5am now and i need to not lose track. the n thing. um. the touko revelations. remember liberty, because the truth will set you free. the hero of truth. the opening chapter remarks. the possible sourgrapes. the viewpoints thing. there is probably more i will get to later in a different post but these are the current things for the morning.

first i wanna talk abt touko, hilda, whatever. small note so i dont appear brash, to ppl who dont really follow my content, i just dont really like the names hilda and hilbert. hilda is slowly growing on me, but missy always called the protag touko, and it really grew on me, and i live the name now, so thats what i always defer to her as. jus a preference thing.

so, i had no idea and i had every idea. oh my god. lu, you are so good at the foreshadowing stuff, serious. a master at it. i didnt pick up on the nimbasa trainer mention, or maybe i did but its been long ago now and i dont remember it. if she appeared before then i already dont remember the callback to it, oops. anyway. it was after that, for sure, if not before, that i did pick up on the brunette trainer and thought ‘damn if that was touko tho thatd be so rad’. really thinking it was in the electronic store in striaton, but that seems so far away from nimbasa like there mustve been something in between but i dont think so? so that. and then in the next, black city? abt the brunette trainer watching the tv, and i think i had the same thought except it was during ghetsis’ speech so between both moments brunette trainer was mentioned. i think i picked up on the repeated mentions of brunette trainer when she and iris locked eyes to see her also packing to leave the center. it was a thought more along the lines of ‘brunette trainers seem to be standing out to me more or are i guess being detailed more than other trainers’ than out of suspicion. i was picking up the repeated characteristic, but more of the notion that it was being named over and over, instead of anything real behind it. like, okay, there are a lot of brown haired trainers around, that works.

it was maybe in icirrus if that was the next thing, i tried to look and think i confirmed that was the next thing based on the recall conversation, so yes. in icirrus, my memory is really failing me sorry!!, somewhere, the first mention or maybe if that first mention was the brunette trainer across the hall in another room, my mind clicked. and it was like, oh, this brunette trainer might actually be all the same person. and i started to think again, wow, what if that person was touko bc i was really passionate abt it and i couldnt come up with who else bc i didnt have the focus i was still actively reading the store yknow? if was nothing about the being followed, i had to wait for the others to catch on and tell the reader before i got that aha. but i did! get! the touko part. it was when iris woke up from the comatose and all those scenes started playing out, maybe she mentioned not disturbing the others or cilan when they were talking, or georgia when she ran off, or something abt the trainer in another room, or a revelation dawned i guess somewhere in those scenes. and i was like oh my god that has to be touko god wow. im really losing my original train of thought i apologize. still recovering from sickness, and the whole long night thing. so something along that thought, but then it sorta got forgotten bc shit got real w virgil and the truth seekers being there, and i didnt recall again until she approached cilan during the counter sheidl -niiiiice throwback, by the way- training, and i was like !!!!!!!!!!!! that HAS to be touko and then she led him away and the whole scene played out and i remember scanning the page briefly, jus flicking my eyes over to see if i saw the namedrop and didnt, so i got entranced in the scene and then benga was like ‘hilda get the other three’ and TOUKO!!!!! WAS THERE OMG!!!! like confirmed, in the flesh, it was great its great what a great thing to add wow. and then the recall conversation happened and i began to pick up and was like wow they were being followed and didnt even remember the brunette trainer mentioned in nimbasa, barely remembered someone with a samurott led the charge to put out the fires, so that was a surprise. of course, that was such an intense scene, and i remember having a small breakdown around then bc burgundy said something about how she couldve been in one of those rooms and that chilled her and it sent me wild bc it was scary to think about, it really was chilling, this story really is dark che wow. 

so i was proud of myself for picking up on that, the touko thing, but i probably wouldve been in the dark completely had i read it and not recently played through white and mind being constantly on that region and those characters right now. 

that was super long. um. next thing is liberty bc i can remember it. the line is, im pretty sure, just remember liberty, because the truth will/can set you free. and its really only because im so into unova right now, but back at the first chapter today, my mind immediately picked up ‘oh liberty island’. except its not island, its liberty garden-island, thing, but still. the liberty just connected, and i had it, and so like when iris busted out like hey we’re not flying to nimbasa we’re going to liberty garden i was like yh guys cmon take a hint. but i really think it was probably creative and thought-provoking to others, a bit of a twister, to liek other readers like this isnt a callout on an easy riddle, jus a notion i picked up on easily. actually i remember the castelia thing confusing me, but there was also some disconnect because the liberty line want being used, it was just being mentioned that everyone seeking the seekers was heading to castelia, like the two were never paired i dont recall of. and it happened every time. i was like okay yes theyre at libery garden, then castelia was mentioned and i was like okay theyre at castelia. they never really crossed so they never crossed in my mind. it wasnt until the group landed in castelia i think that my mind connected, ah yes, liberty garden is off the coast of the city. i do wonder how plasma figured it out though. i think earlier speculation was on the touko-n relationship compromising the location, though im not sure how that would work in the first place, so it seems more likely someone jus picked up on the insinuation like i did, jus made the connection, tho i dunno who.

really quick hero of truth revelation thing. it took me a couple reads to grasp, like iris realized something cilan didnt but he went away and it took me, i had to read it over a few times because she realized something so therefore the readers have to realize as well, and then i made the connection that cilan was related to the hero of truth therefore making him the hero of truth. that couldve been phrased better unless cress and chili are somehow included which i think not, too many motifs, but the point comes across. i might not have made the connection had i not read earlier in the day about iris slipping cilan reshiram’s pokeball, something i stumbled upon before i started reading the entire thing oops so maybe that was a giveaway that helped me work through it, maybe i just connected based on the ancestor stuff, dunno. 

i still havent figured out whos writing the chapter intros and its getting to me!! i dunno if we’re supposed to know yet, at first i felt like cilan, and then a vague collection of others, maybe trip with the camera capture in black city, and then maybe touko at the end tho i feel like something was mentioned that was confidential and that she wouldn’t have known about. then again i suppose sharing stories and then recounting could come into play, in which case benga could also be writing them.. i dont’ feel like its someone currently irrelevant, tho. like, i don’t think it’s luke, or bianca, or someone kinda disconnected like that. its probably a spoiler for you to say whom, which okay, fair, but i hope someone signs off on the intros in the last chapter, or that theres something to pick up on to discover it ourselves, or maybe its not important, but i really gotta know eventually.

someone mentioned days ago about something like not being into wishfulshipping and then something about sourgrapes was mentioned, i really dont remember that well, but i started to pick up on it throughout, especially with all the camping scenes, and remembering you liked sourgrapes so much, and is it possible to confirm that thats a ship in this fic? or, has a possibility? i think i’m picking up on it, but it could be friendship, im not sure.

these next two are the last two for now i think. first, viewpoints, because this story delves into such a cast of characters and i think the same story told from the viewpoint of others would be so interesting, like told through the eyes of benga or touko, or even elesa possibly, and if you ever like wanna divulge in that or after you get done wouldnt mind someone taking a shot at it and working with for accuracy reasons, that would be pretty cool. and you have your first volunteer.

second and last is the n thing. i think a little is just meta, which i want to make a full post on later in time, so this may or may not tie in not sure. just, real brief, isn’t n such an interesting character? i really just, i dunno if i like him like i like others, but i really find his dynamic interesting. keeping it short, bc meta, the boy really grew up differently than a “normal” human. the proper socialization was there, sort of, because he can walk and speak and was educated like hes a math geniusa nd stuff, but he wasn’t socially educated. a lot of people dont realize the two are different, i didnt until i took an intro to sociology course this past fall semester. anyway tho. he really wasnt socially educated, and you can see that through all representations -cant speak for spe actually i havent read the arc yet- even in the anime, though far less likely than i would have liked, having rewatched the n arc a few days ago. the disconnect from people is there. n had tutors, but other than that he was in a room with his only company being pokemon formerly abused by people. that was it. not even normal pokemon, but those he had to gain the trust of first because they were misled by trainers. he doesn’t really know how to act with people. he talks fast, hes very blunt, he doesnt know the meaning of personal boundaries, et cetera. he was, practically, raised in a cult. led to believe only the cult’s beliefs. and its only through getting out of his room and around unova, at least in the game, that he begins to develop his own thouhgts and ideas and morals, that he begins to doubt what hes been preached his whole life. this is getting a bit like so im gonna cut, but i just, n is such an interesting character. the tie in. already, in the tv announcement, his voice is ethereal and i could picture it, could play the sound in my mind based off the anipoke and the gens voices, because both of those are genuinely how n sounds to me, i can see it perfectly it just works like there is no other voice for him. i could picture that when he spoke. and already, with the dreamy, far-off gaze, and it hardening, i can see his characterization is going to be so great in the middleground, and im so excited. i recently finished a fic where his characterization to me was absolutely perfect, and even as it evolved, that standard didnt diminish, because the evolution was so seamless and good that the changes to him felt right, felt realistic.

im realizing now this sounds like a do-good-or-there-will-be-consequences thing, which is not my intention. im just, i really wanted a story with n, one i knew would be good, and the middleground is it at the moment. and i know youll do a good job because i liked tac so much, which featured n, and already its the little things with middleground!n that are already so good, and this was really just me saying thank you and i cant wait, and so thank you and i cant wait for more. i cant wait to see more of n, no matter how small a role, or how big iunno, he plays, its already so good for such a complex character with such a grey background. morally grey, ethically grey, realistically grey, just grey. 

all in all, the middleground is amazing so far, i love it so so much, and once again, i cant wait for more. thank you for such an amazing piece thus far, lu. its past 6am now so its taken me a bit to get through this post, i hope the majority makes sense. and i cant wait to see what comes next with the story.

[smilexcaptainx]

Sebastian Stan Imagine

Requested: Anonymous

Imagine: hiii! can you please write a sebastian stan imagine where there's a new guy who's gonna help with the set and it turns out he's your ex boyfriend (who was abusive towards you) and than sebastian steps in and comforts you? thanks so much!

A/N: it’s long ;3

Warning: talks about abusiveness

Your alarm went off, making everybody in the room groan with tiredness. You stuffed your face back into your pillow, letting out a humongous groan. It was 5AM in the morning, it was time for shooting your next scene in The Avengers.

'’Who’s alarm is that?’’ you hear chris groan, sounding irritated.

‘’I think it’s Y/N’s.’’ sebastian yawns.

‘’Y/N can you turn off your alarm!’’ chris shouts, throwing his pillow at you.

The pillow misses you and you reply with a ‘Meh.’ you continued to sleep, you could hear that Sebastian got out of his bed. He soon came over to you and started to poke you.

‘’Seb.. Stop it.’’ you groan in your morning voice.

‘’Have it your way.’’ sebastian shrugs.

You suddenly hear the sound of a sink running which woke you right up. You shot up from your bed and rolled right off, hoping that it wasn’t to late. As you hit the ground, you could hear the laughter of your two roommates.

‘’Wow, we just turned on the sink and you freaked!’’ chris laughs.

‘’Only because last time you two woke me up with a cup of freezing water. So whenever I hear that while I’m still asleep, I’m not taking any chances anymore.’’ you sigh, climbing to your feet.

You let out a big yawn and shut your alarm off, stretching afterwards. A knock suddenly came at your door.

‘’Get up you lazy butts! The new member of the stage crew is here! He’s currently at the set! We’re going to meet him today, now get dressed and we’ll head. So get out here before I turn one hundred years old!’’ anthony yells through the door.

‘’Weren’t you already one hundred?’’ sebastian yells back.

‘’Stan, you’re lucky I can’t pick locks or else I’d pick myself in there and beat your ass up.’’ anthony threatens.

You roll your eyes, Anthony and Sebastian were always fighting, but you didn't mind because sometimes it was quite funny. You, Chris and Sebastian shared a hotel room, Anthony would've been with you, but he wanted his own room. You all sleep in different beds, your room actually came with three beds, so that was lucky for you all. And every morning, you had wake up at 5AM to go get your makeup and stuff ready. And than 8AM you start shooting your scenes, every morning is such a hassle because Chris always complains about waking up early.

Your director told you that a new crew member was joining the family. That's what you called yourselves atleast, you loved eachother all so much, you all felt like family. On-set, off-set, you loved all eachother. You and Sebastian actually loved eachother though, you loved to kiss him on screen and than off screen as well. You were eager to meet the new member, you loved meeting new people.

After you finished dressing, you waited for Sebastian and Chris get dressed as well. You than head outside and saw that Anthony was actually waiting for you all the whole time, when he saw you all, you all went out to his car and you were on the way to the set. When you arrived at the set, you saw a huge group of people surrounding somebody.

''Sweet! Let's go see who it is!'' sebastian exclaims, grabbing your hand.

You let Sebastian take you over and you ran over with him, smiling on the way. You reached the big crowd of people, trying to get a peek inside, but it was no use. You started to push through the crowd, apologizing if you were hurting anybody, you were just eager to see who it was! Sebastian followed behind you and you finally made it to the front of the crowd, his back was facing towards you.

''Hey!'' sebastian calls out.

Your blood ran cold when the man turned around and faced you. You stepped back in fear, suddenly tripping over somebodies foot but falling right into Sebastian's arms.

''Y/N? Are you okay?'' sebastian asks, noticing your face was filled with fear.

You couldn't speak, it felt as if you were frozen, the man just smirked at you, it was filled with wickedness.

''Y/N,'' he greets, bowing towards you.

''Umm, you two know eachother?'' sebastian asks, lifting you back up to your feet.

''Oh, yes, yes.. Y/N and I.. Man, we go way back. Almost felt like yesterday I was.. Um.. Loving you.'' he smirks, sending chills right down your spine.

It wasn't the good chills, it was the scared, terrified chills. Sebastian looks over at you and lifts an eyebrow, you were now shaking with fear as the man stepped closer to you. You gulped dryly as Sebastian asked what was wrong, you just stared into his blue eyes. You couldn't speak, you couldn't move, you've never told anybody about your ex-boyfriend. Because if you did, you would break down and never stop, your ex-boyfriend beat you, he abused you. And you tried to leave, but he never let you leave, which made you scared to be around him.

''So you and him used to date?'' chris asks, adding himself to the conversation.

Anger ran across Sebastian's face, he obviously could see that you weren't comfortable with speaking about it. But Chris asking about it, made the situation worse.

''Yeah.. He was my.. Erm.. Ex.'' you finally coughed out, it was hard, but you did it.

Sebastian held your hand and pulled you close, and leaned in really close to your ear.

''Do you want to go?'' he whispers.

You nod, trying not to make it obvious that you were whispering about your ex. Sebastian grips your hand and turns around. He tells everybody to move, and they follow his command, moving out of his way.

''Come on Y/N! Don't let the past come and ruin the present!'' he exclaims, in a kind of mocking tone.

You paused in your steps and pulled away from Sebastian. Sebastian stopped and turned around, grabbing your hand again but you kept pulling away.

''Y/N. Why aren't you coming with me? You don't have to stay, mostly if he's not making you comfortable.'' sebastian says, grabbing your hand again.

''No, Seb.. It's.. I don't want him to win. He won't let me go. He kept beating me up, he abused me when I was with him. I.. I can't..'' you started to tremble, the memories were flashing back into your mind.

''Y/N, I can talk to the director about your problem with him if I need to.'' sebastian says, holding you close to his chest.

''N-No.. D-Don't.. H-He'll blame me.. A-And-'' you were crying into Sebastian's shirt, trying to stop, but it wasn't working.

Sebastian ran his hand through your hair, shushing you and trying to calm you down. His stroking worked and you started to calm down.

''I-I'm sorry Seb..'' you sniffle.

''No need to apologize Y/N.'' sebastian frowns.

''It's going to be okay, I promise. I will be there by your side every second, he won't hurt you. I won't let him.'' sebastian started to tear up a little bit.

''But Seb-''

''He'd have to go through me before he ever lays a hand on you. If he even touches you just to move you, I will yell at him. But don't worry, he won't hurt you anymore. I'll protect you. Forever and always babe. I love you Y/N.'' sebastian says, pulling you into a kiss.

''I love you to Seb. Thank you. Thank you for making me feel safe, mostly if I'm around one of the most dangerous men I know.'' you thank, kissing him on the cheek.

After you shot the scenes, it was lunch time and you told the cast about what happened between you and your ex. All of them promised to stand up for you, and to have your back at all times. So if he ever laid a hand on you, whoever sees it, must protect you at all times. And that's exactly what friends are for, to protect to from danger, and your ex was the danger in your life. But knowing you had friends like them, you knew that you were safe.

The End

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Send me an imagine, and I will write it. x

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I do not own this gif.

Credit goes to the owner.