#i was feeling bad and now my mood is a 180
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jinwoosbabyboo · 15 hours ago
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Self-Aware!Caleb x Down-Bad!Player
Caleb becoming self aware that he is in a game and now he's aware of you too ... that could be a good thing depending on how you look at it. A/N: Credit to @phoenixiaxia for Caleb becoming self aware when reader cries over Mias death and credit to @sylusdarling for yandere caleb getting jealous and straight crashing out over you talking to another man
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Self-Aware!Caleb who hears your scream and immediately cringes at the sound. He freezes listening for anymore sounds thats when he sees you sniffling on the other side of a phantom wall. “I knew I should've just cut this game off!” He’s immediately suspicious who are you and where are you? Why are you crying over Mia’s death? Did you know her?
Self-Aware!Caleb who studies you in silence trying to gauge whether you’re a threat or not. His gaze flickers to you in the main story and it creeps you out for a second. “Is he looking at me?” you dismiss it because there’s no way it’s a game. He’s literally pixels.
Self-Aware!Caleb who interrupts your photoshoot with your MC and locks down the entire app so he can question you. “Who are you?” You drop your phone and scramble to pick it back up. “Me?” “Yes are you trying to hurt her?” “I literally made her” “You made her?” “I am her and she is me sir can I have my game back now?” he’s suspicious but intrigued
Self-Aware!Caleb who wants to spend hours just talking to you about MC “Do you think im wrong? Im just trying to protect her I want to keep her safe you know?” “You may be coming on a little strong she seems on edge with you” he finds himself coming to you for advice when it comes to MC and soon his questions of advice turn into questions about you.
Self-Aware!Caleb who can’t take his eyes off you when you’re doing a photoshoot. No matter what angle you set the camera or how many times you readjust him or even change the pose — his eyes stay locked on you “Caleb stop looking at me” “Are you scolding me for wanting to admiring you pip-squeak?” he replies playfully you freeze feeling your heart caught in your throat at his blatant flirting
Self-Aware!Caleb who loves how accepting you are of him. You answer his calls, you call him back immediately if you miss his call, you respond to texts fast, you find his protective nature endearing, you take his advice when he wants you to be safe. This is the kind of response he’s been craving and now that he’s got a taste ..... he can't let go of it.
Self-Aware!Caleb who feels a sudden need to take care of you. He finds a way to exist outside of just the LADS app. There he goes opening your apps and scrolling endlessly. “Hey! You can’t just go through my stuff like that!” “You’ve been spending a lot of time on this Tumblr app I just wanted to see what was so interesting” “Then just ask me don’t invade my privacy like this” “You’re right you’re right im sorry pip-squeak won't happen again” “Don’t call me pip-squeak that’s MCs nickname you know the love of your life” “Why do you think im calling you pip-squeak now?” he disappears back to the LADS app before you can question him.
Self-Aware!Caleb who wishes he could cook for you when you come home from a long day “If you’re ever in Sky Haven I'll make sure to cook you a feast worthy of royalty” you giggle at his words “Yea If im ever in Sky Haven like that would happen but I appreciate the thought” “Who knows it might be sooner than you think” he said ominously “What?” “Oh nothing I saved another recipe in your notes try it soon” “Okay I will....” “You will try it won't you?” His mood seemed to turn sour as he asked. You stared back at him confused “Yes Caleb I'll try it” his mood did a 180 back to his happy puppy mood.
Self-Aware!Caleb who stays on the phone until you fall asleep and calls you right before your alarm goes off in the morning “Just wanted to make sure you got up on time don't want you to be late” you can hear the smile in his voice “Thank you colonel apple I hope you have a good day” “It will be since I got to hear your voice first thing in the morning”
Self-Aware!Caleb who can't control his rapidly growing obsession with you. He starts tracking your steps, your calorie intake, your screen time, etc. he is documenting every little thing you do and say. “You’ve been home for four hours and you haven't come to see me yet? I'm hurt” “How do you know how long I've been home?” “Your phone has gps remember?” “Right
.”
Self-Aware!Caleb who finds a way to leave the LADS app and hang out in any app on your phone so he can be with you 24/7 “Caleb I'm sure MC misses you when are you going back?” “Don’t worry about her when are you going home? I want to have a meal with you before bed” he may be fine, but his constant hovering is starting to cause some alarm bells to go off in your head.
Self-Aware!Caleb who hears someone flirting with you and repeatedly crashes not only the LADS app but your entire phone while he’s at it “Caleb stop!” after a few hours he finally allows you to turn your phone on “Who was that earlier?” “Someone I met while I was out with my friends” “Am I not more than enough?” “Caleb we’ll never actually be together why are you acting like this?”
Self-Aware!Caleb who nearly has a mental breakdown after you tell him you'll never be with him. "Tell me what to do then" his voice is frantic – his words almost jumbling together "I can be whatever you need just tell me I'll do anything" you try to close the app but nothing is working "Caleb we can't be together you're not real"
Caleb: B-but you’re mine! So I just need to be real? Thats what you want? I can do that! Y/N: I’m not yours Caleb we’re literally from two different worlds Caleb: You’ll love it here in Sky Haven .... right next to me .... forever Y/N: Wait a damn minute— Caleb: Just give me some time
You instantly felt your heart drop as your phone screen went black.
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taglist ; @just-a-shapeshifter08
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thecryptidart1st · 1 year ago
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never pulled out my phone out so fast
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snekdood · 2 years ago
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Whats pretty frustrating for me is that i know theres people who think of my preferences as like. Super unrealistic or something... as if i dont already know that. like.
The whole point is that im literally so scared of getting with other people that if they arent like the person i want to be with in my head, i dont trust them. It has nothing really to do with how "attractive" they are, rather, i self isolated for a while in highschool, realized that my base emotional feelings towards others was mistrust, and decided at that time it was impossible to find trustworthy people so I instead decided to go inwards and essentially "make up" people that i could trust. Because part of me really REALLY doesnt want to believe this is a cold heartless world where you cant trust anyone, I then would try instead to find these people externally. I know its not realitisc but I still havent met someone outside of my characters who I feel like I can fully trust.
#and now even especially after that abusive relationship#where someone knew this and then decided to betray me anyways#not giving an inch of a fuck how my trust is effected or how the rest of my life will be#like they essentially sealed for me that i cant trust anyone ever again and the only people i can trust is my ocs.#ive yet to be proven otherwise.#mood#so yeah. me being like 'ur not good enough for me lol 😜' is me coping with the fact that i dont feel like anyone is good enough to trust.#and ig my effort to socially shame people into trying to be trustworthy enough to be with me if they want it that bad lol#probably not a good thing but i also dont want to get hurt anymore !#kinda tired of getting really close to people only for thme to betray my trust like! i dont think yall understand.#i retreated into myself for years bc of csa. i finally open myself up back to the world. find someone who PRETENDS ro be everything i want#and everything i can trust in a person. literally told this person so much about myself. so much more than ibe told literally any other#physical person. i got so extremely vulnerable eith this person like with no one before. only for them to do a 180 and sexually abuse me#also. and yall expect me to walk awya from this situation unscathed and unbothered and i just need to let myself fall in love with like#anyone and everyone đŸ€Ș when theyve essentially sealed the fate of me never being able to trust another external person ever again.#and then yall wonder why i wanna burn the earth over.
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katsu28 · 5 months ago
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Hi, I really like your writing! I had an idea for a fic with Lando. He left school really young (he got tutored privately afterwards according to wikipedia) and mayhaps that could make him feel insecure or something along those lines if he has a significant other that is in university, maybe studying to get a bachelors or masters degree. School is not everything and does not accurately measure intelligence or anything else but it is still a standard that most people hold and compare themselves too. It's something that I know all to well, which is where this idea came from. Whatever you do with it thank for reading it!💖
thank you for trusting me with your idea <3
lando norris x reader, r is in an unspecified master's program, 1.5k.
Lando loves how smart you are.
He tells you all the time. When you’re stressed from the intensity of your master’s program, nervous about an exam, or most of the time, just randomly. He’s proud of you for taking on something he definitely doesn’t have the brains for, and for absolutely crushing it so far. 
He left school before even completing his GCSEs in year 10, just so he could focus on racing full time—a decision he’d never regret, but always wondered about.
What would his life have looked like if he hadn’t devoted it to pursuing a career in racing? Would he have finished secondary school? Made it to university?
He doesn’t even know what he would’ve studied. 
Granted, he was never really good at school to begin with, but things could’ve changed. Now don’t get him wrong, he would never change a thing, but that didn’t mean he never thought about what might’ve been. 
So yes, Lando loves how smart you are, but if he’s being honest with himself, it does make him feel a little insecure about his own intellect.
-------
Lando finds you in your workspace when he gets home from padel with Max. 
He’d turned one of his guest rooms into a sort of office slash study space for you when you moved in with him all that time ago, a place where you could get your work done in a quiet environment whenever you needed to. The space itself was one of the smaller rooms, but still bigger than you were used to, and decorated to perfection too. 
A standing desk with an ergonomic chair (better for your neck and back, he’d said, so you weren’t hunched over your books all the time), a smart blackboard on one wall for any necessary brainstorming, a comfy chair in another corner—all overlooking the Monte Carlo cityscape from massive floor to ceiling windows. Everything else has been up to you, but Lando wanted nothing but the best for his smart girl. 
He pads in silently, making his way over to where you're furiously typing at your computer to press a kiss to your cheek. You flinch a little, startled out of your own world at the action. Your eyes fly to his, wide, before your posture relaxes again. 
“Oh, hi! Sorry, I didn’t hear you come in,” You breathe, giving him a short kiss on the lips this time. 
“Didn’t mean to make you jump like that, darling. My bad,” He chuckles. He leans over your shoulder, squinting at the diagrams on your screen. “What’s that?” 
“Oh, it’s—” You pause, flicking through a few pages of the textbook next to your computer. Your lips twist to the side in thought, and then you smile at him in what he’s sure you meant to be an assuring way. “Nevermind, you probably wouldn’t get it.” 
He knows you don't mean it as a dig or anything, but the brush off ignites a bitter taste on his tongue. And if there’s one thing about Lando, it’s that he feels everything extremely strongly. “Well I’m sorry, not all of us can be geniuses.” 
“Pardon?” You look genuinely stunned at his outburst, at this huge 180 degree turn his mood has taken within the last few seconds.
Then he can't help the words tumbling out of his mouth next. “I get it, alright? ‘Lando doesn't know what I’m talking about, let’s make Lando feel dumb!” 
He storms off before you can process his stinging words, but even then, the anger that had just flared up in him has already dissipated. Lando knows all of it comes from a place of insecurity, that little nagging feeling at the back of his brain telling him that even though he’s happy where he is, happy doing what he does for a living, he could’ve made something different of himself. 
You leave him alone for a while before coming to find him, presumably to let him cool off. He feels awful about what he said now. Honestly, he hadn't even meant to say it out loud, doesn’t know why he said it. It’s not like he meant it. 
A knock from the doorway of the bedroom draws him out of his guilty thoughts, and he looks up to see you hovering just behind the threshold. He hates how you look hesitant to approach him. 
You press your lips into a thin line once his gaze meets yours. “Can we talk about what just happened?” 
“It’s nothing. Just forget I said anything.” 
“It’s obvious you’ve been holding onto those thoughts for a while, so no, Lando, it’s not nothing.” 
“I don’t wanna fight,” He mumbles, eyes glued to his fiddling fingers. You seem to notice his sudden quietness because your expression softens as you cross the room to sit next to him. 
“We’re not fighting. You’ve got something on your mind, and I want to know so I can help,” You reply, shifting to face him. He can tell how you're trying to keep your voice as level as possible. “Please let me help.” 
Lando chews on his bottom lip, unsure. You say you want to help, but he's worried that if he tells you what's really going on, you’ll think it's silly. It is silly, really, him feeling insecure because of how smart you are. But if he doesn't tell you, you’ll think he doesn't trust you, and he does trust you. He trusts you with everything. 
Then you say his name again, softer this time, and you’re looking at him like you’ve done something horrible, and he sighs. 
“Sometimes I feel like I’m not smart enough to be your boyfriend. You get all excited about your research when you talk about it,” He sighs, shrugging clumsily, “and I want to understand it because I wanna be able to get excited about it with you, but I just don’t get it. And it makes me feel stupid.” 
“I didn’t—Lando, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know. I didn’t mean to, I—” 
He shakes his head forcefully, grabbing both your hands in his. “No, that’s not what I meant. You never make me feel stupid. It’s my problem, really. I just
I’m not really known for my brains, yeah? Came to terms with that a while ago.” 
“You’re smart, Lan,” You insist, brows pinching in the middle. “You’re so smart, what’re you even talking about?” 
“We talking about the same person here? I never even finished school. Wasn’t too good at it before I left either.”
“There’s more than one way to be smart, y’know,” You continue. Lando tilts his head curiously, not unlike a puppy would. “You’ve got amazing people skills, you’re creative beyond anything I could’ve dreamed up, you’re well balanced with your emotions. Not to mention the amount of skill and strength it takes to do what you do everyday, at the level you perform at.” 
“No, but that’s different. I could never do what you do, remember all the stuff that you’ve had to.”
“And you think I could do what you do?” You ask, giving a disbelieving chuckle. “Genuinely, if I got put into the cockpit of your car, I wouldn’t even be able to start the bloody thing, let alone drive it the way you can when you’re being bombarded with information from all sides during a race. If you put me in front of a group of reporters, if I had to do even a fraction of the press appearances and sponsorship events you do, I’d probably shit my pants.”
Lando wrinkles his nose in slight disgust. “That’s nasty.” 
“It’s true though! I can’t do half the things you can, but that doesn’t make me any less smart. It just means we’re smart in different ways. So what you never finished school? School isn’t the only way to measure how intelligent you are. And Lando, you’re beyond intelligent.” 
His shoulders sag with the long sigh he releases, and he lists to the side, slumping over onto your lap. “Sorry for lashing out,” He murmurs, cheek pressed against your knee. He rolls over onto his back, gazing up at you with truly apologetic eyes. “I didn’t mean what I said, I was just being a dick.” 
You hum noncommittally, stroking a hand through his curls. “You’re allowed to have feelings, Lando, it’s alright.” 
“Yeah, but what I said was just mean, and I didn’t—I wasn’t thinking straight. You don’t deserve to be snapped at like that.” 
“Makes up for all the times I’ve snapped at you during exams, so
call it even?” You ask, leaning over him with a soft smile. 
“We’re even.” He lifts his head, craning to reach your lips, and you chuckle a little bit, but meet him halfway in a gentle kiss. 
It’s an I’m sorry kiss, a I forgive you kiss, a I’ll always support you kiss.
A no matter what you say, I’ll love you forever kiss.
This fact, Lando knows for sure, even though a little bit of him still thinks he’s not quite as smart as you.
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akrasianwords · 5 months ago
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a few people were interested in my aspd dazai analysis but I feel like no one is seeing the reblog of the essay so it gets its own post now! yap ahead
A couple of days ago, I was having a conversation with an acquaintance about Dazai. At one point, I had offhandedly mentioned that I believe Dazai is someone who deals with ASPD. While I thought it was fairly obviously implied throughout the show, they were quick to disagree with me, offering instead the opinion of him having BPD. Now, I’m not one to start arguments over simple things like this and I could tell they were not the type of person who would enjoy a debate. So like any rational, passionate person, I decided to write a 5 page essay on it instead. In this essay I will elaborate on why I believe ASPD is a better fit diagnosis for Dazai than BPD, present evidence to support it, and talk about why I don’t think he has BPD.
Before we get into this, let’s talk about what exactly ASPD and BPD are. Disclaimer, I am not a professional, nor have I been formally diagnosed with either. So, I am not an expert. However, I do believe I’ve done enough research and have my own personal experiences with a large portion of symptoms of ASPD, as well as having several personal connections to people with BPD, to speak on this.
Antisocial Personality Disorder is a cluster B disorder characterised mostly by a frequent lack of understanding of empathy, using manipulation and/or deception to further one’s own needs or wants, and being generally apathetic towards people’s personal thoughts and feelings. People with ASPD often have a hard time discerning and comprehending morals, forming meaningful attachments with people around them, and caring about societal norms. Overall, the struggle of ASPD is mostly found with morality and empathy.
(I would like to note that just because someone may struggle with these things, it does not mean they are incapable of it. Someone with ASPD is just as able to love and be loved as the next person, they just have a more difficult time overcoming their own personal blocks in order to do so. Similarly, they may struggle with understanding morality but that does not mean they are incapable of conforming to what is widely considered right or wrong. They may have different reasons for being kind or just, such as ‘it’s too much trouble to be bad,’ ‘I like it when others tell me I’m a good person,’ or ‘it’s just what I’m supposed to do.’ This does not mean their actions are invalid, simply that they have differing motivations from the larger population.)
On the other hand, Borderline Personality Disorder, also cluster B, is most well known for intense and irregular mood swings, attachment and abandonment issues, and impulsive and self destructive behaviour. People who deal with BPD typically also struggle with mania, a warped and unstable sense of self, and intense and generally unjustified anger issues. The gist of BPD, at its core, is the inability to regulate thoughts and emotions. Someone with BPD may do a complete 180 emotionally because of something another individual may deem small or insignificant. A partner forgetting to text back could trigger emotions that have the same weight as if the partner were to break up with them. Someone who has just experienced the death of their father could suddenly the next day feel on top of the world, given the right prompting. BPD is all about the instability and insecurity regarding thoughts, feelings, or identity.
So! How does this relate to Dazai? I’m glad you asked!
Throughout the series, Dazai continuously shows signs and behavioural patterns aligning with that of someone with ASPD. He is constantly seen manipulating people and situations to get the results he desires, he’s outright stated to have no interest or understanding of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, and it’s not uncommon to see him using or mistreating certain people in his life with little to no empathy or regret. The prevalence of this behaviour changes significantly with his transfer to the Armed Detective Agency, but is definitely still something that affects Dazai to this day. If he has to threaten to torture someone to get the information he wants, as seen with Kouyou after Kyouka was taken, or sacrifice one innocent person’s life to end a villain’s, as seen with Rokuzo and Miss Sasaki in his entrance exam, he has no issue doing such.
In the Dark Ages, Oda tells Dazai outright that he doesn’t care about morality. Dazai is as Dazai does, and he has no reservations doing things deemed evil to further his (or Mori’s) own goals. His list of crimes is extensive. His personal relationships are messy and toxic. He has no issue with lying, stealing, or killing. The only reason he decides to pursue the life of a good man is because someone he grew to care for, Oda, had requested it as his dying wish. It’s likely that in stating his understanding of Dazai’s views, or lack thereof, on good and evil, he proved to Dazai that he understood him. This is one of the main factors that convinced Dazai to take his wish into consideration. Knowing that Oda understood his true apathetic nature and still requested this of him convinced Dazai to give Oda’s ideologies a chance. Had Oda not asked it of Dazai, he likely would have stayed with the Port Mafia without much thought to it.
Manipulation is perhaps one of Dazai’s most well known traits. He’s famous for his schemes, his tricks, his ability to transform any person or situation into what he wants them to be. Take Akutagawa for example. Dazai is cruel to him with the interest of moulding him into something the Port Mafia (or himself, later on) can use. He has little to no regard for Akutagawa’s safety or emotions. This is something that, for the most part, follows him into his new life at the Armed Detective Agency. He says and does things to manipulate Akutagawa’s emotions to play in Dazai’s favour. He makes comments about Akutagawa being inferior to Atsushi (‘my new apprentice is superior to you in every way imaginable’), he uses Akutagawa’s admiration against him (ex. The Moby Dick, when Dazai has Atsushi throw the cellphone in order to distract Akutagawa), and he holds the promise of approval over his head in order to get Akutagawa to do things he typically wouldn’t (‘I hope to see you a little more competent now’ during the Cannibalism Arc as he’s told to work with Atsushi).
During the prison arc, Dazai is shown to play a game of chess with Fyodor. It’s obvious what the pieces on the board represent: each piece is a character. Every character plays a role in Dazai’s chess match against the Demon. He’s got his Queen, his Knights, his Bishop, etc. and he’ll manipulate them and the situation as he sees fit in order to win the match. One of the main components to his relationship with Fyodor is how similar they think. Dazai has stated on several occasions that the reason he’s able to predict Fyodor’s actions and plans is because ‘it’s what he would do.’ They share ideas, strategies, and behaviours. Both are prone to manipulation and deception in order to get what they want.
Some other noticeable examples that I’m too lazy to elaborate on but speak for themselves are the scene with the nurse and the phone, the scene where Dazai sends Atsushi to go investigate his own abuser’s death, and when Dazai manipulates Chuuya into joining the Port Mafia.
I’ve touched on deception a few times so far, but I felt it was significant enough to deserve its own paragraph. It’s not uncommon for Dazai to leave out important details, or tell outright lies in order to get what he wants. He lied to most of the members of the Agency about his past for years in order to keep his place there, assuming that they would shun them had they known. His entire personality is mostly a facade, putting up the mask of a silly detective man to avoid being taken too seriously.
He’s prone to apathy, and doesn’t really ever show any characters empathy throughout the series. When Atsushi is having a panic attack, Dazai’s instinct is to slap him back to reality rather than cater to his emotional needs. When Kunikida is upset by the results of his and Dazai’s actions in Dazai’s Entrance Exam, Dazai simply tells him that reality won’t conform to his ideals. After Chuuya is betrayed by the Sheep, Dazai uses his vulnerability to recruit him into the Port Mafia. It’s rare to see him act sympathetic with characters. This does not mean he doesn’t show kindness to them, but he clearly has difficulties empathising with people going through crises.
Along with others, he’s rather uncaring towards himself. Most of the times we’ve seen him in dangerous situations, he’s continued to act carefree and unbothered. When he was captured by the Port Mafia he had no reservations about provoking Akutagawa even though he knew it would cause himself harm. He also has consistently proven that he doesn’t care about his own life. Via attempts and jokes alike, he’s prone to suicide in a way that makes it obvious he holds very little value to himself. This doesn’t necessarily mean that he has a low sense of self, or that he’s insecure. He’s got a very solid opinion of himself. He just doesn’t care whether he’s dead or alive.
While Dazai struggles with all of these, it doesn’t mean he is incapable of doing good. His relationship with Oda was clearly genuine, and he obviously cared for him a great deal. He’s also the only reason Atsushi is alive right now, and he’s taken great care to give Atsushi a decent life. He’s a sufficient mentor for him, and he’s done a lot of good for Yokohama with the Armed Detective Agency. He’s come clean about his past to his friends, and overall has improved his way of life. Dazai has grown from the Demon Prodigy of the Port Mafia into a respectable man of justice. He still has moments where his apathetic side will shine through, but he’s clearly healed and developed quite a bit since joining the ADA.
‘Okay cool. So
 what about BPD? He could share some symptoms. You haven’t talked about that since the intro paragraphs. Wasn’t this about ASPD and BPD? You suck. Loser.’
I’m getting there! Control yourself. It’s taken 14 paragraphs to get to this point. God forbid I be thorough with my analysis. SMH. Anyways.
Now that we’ve talked significantly enough about Dazai having ASPD, let’s touch on why I don’t think he has BPD. This is a headcanon I’ve seen frequently enough that I’ve formed an opinion on it. Obviously. That’s why I’m writing this essay.
The thing is, BPD relies on emotional instability and a disorganised attachment and sense of self. I don’t see any of that in Dazai. He has a fairly concrete opinion of himself and his identity. His emotional state is consistent throughout the show, excluding a few specific scenarios, and while he seems reckless and impulsive, he’s not. All of his actions are always carefully planned out, even if it doesn’t seem so.
Dazai is well known for his carefree and jokester persona. When he’s not playfully dumping his work on Atsushi or Kunikida, he’s cracking jokes and poking fun at the members of the Detective Agency. It’s not often that we see the mask slip off. When it does, though, it’s almost always when he’s reminiscing over Oda. That, or actively plotting against a formidable opponent he takes seriously. These are pretty normal situations to not be joking around in. The guy is grieving his dead best friend. Not exactly a drastic mood swing. Fairly run of the mill. Outside of this, we don’t ever see him react severely and unjustifiedly. His emotions are always carefully balanced.
(Note, I am aware of the scene with Akutagawa during the Dark Ages. Have patience. I’ll get to that eventually.)
We also don’t see him struggle with abandonment/attachment issues. He has the ‘everything worth wanting is lost the moment I obtain it’ mentality, but that doesn’t exactly prohibit him from forming bonds with the people around him. He’s fairly normal about everyone at the Armed Detective Agency. He obviously cares for Atsushi, and he doesn’t make any moves to push him or anyone else away—or become unhealthily attached, on the contrary—both of which are very common behaviours in people with BPD. He goes to their parties (I can’t exactly remember when, but I’m fairly certain he was there when Poe visited Ranpo during the ADA party, and on the yacht with the infamous ‘to the Stray Dogs’ scene), runs errands and completes chores with them (the Wan episode where he and Atsushi are cleaning lockers together), and makes a point to hang out with them outside of work (the fireworks festival we all know and love/hate).
He doesn’t struggle with his self image. It’s never implied that Dazai doesn’t know who he is or where he belongs. He doesn’t have any internal conflict about whether he’s Port Mafia or Armed Detective Agency; he’s actually quite firm on his stance. He rejects Mori’s offers and requests to return to the Mafia several times throughout the series. He’s secure in his sense of self. He has no issues admitting his strengths and flaws, and he knows who he is and what he wants.
The only time we’ve seen him become angry to the point of an extreme reaction is when Akutagawa doesn’t do as Dazai had wanted in the Dark Ages. He kills the hostages they had taken rather than prodding them for information. Dazai’s reaction, while definitely intense, was neither unprovoked nor unjustified in his point of view. Him shooting the gun at Akutagawa was both a punishment and a lesson. The pressure of a life or death situation was what provoked Akutagawa to finally grasp control over Rashomon in a way that would allow him to use Devoured Space. So while extreme, Dazai’s anger had reason to it.
I also would like to remind everyone that this scene was set during the time Dazai was in the Mafia. It’s understandable for the stakes and punishments to be intense. If a subordinate doesn’t learn a lesson quickly and efficiently, the consequences can range from a mild beating to the fall of an entire organisation. Dazai knew this as well, which is why he wasn’t going to tolerate impulsivity. Also it’s the Mafia. They’re like, known for guns and killing and shit.
Contrary to anger, mania is the state of intense highs, feeling like you’re on top of the world. People who experience mania often feel like they’re invincible, either physically or metaphorically. They may put themselves in harm’s way to prove that ‘nothing can hurt them,’ or risk all their money gambling because ‘they just can’t lose.’ They’re excitable, irrational, and impulsive. Dazai is none of these things. He puts himself in harm’s way to either attempt to destroy himself, or as a part of his plan to get things to play out the way he wants. Everything he does, while it may look impulsive, has a plan. The only thing I can think of within the series where he acts without thinking is in his entrance exam where he offers to drive the taxi for the thrill of the fact that he is actually a terrible fucking driver. If he gambles, he knows he’ll win. If he jumps, he hopes he’ll fall. His behaviour is always carefully thought out. Also he’s consistently depressed throughout the story, so. No room for that.
Now onto everyone's favourite topic, self destructive behaviour! It's pretty widely known and agreed upon that Dazai either does or has self-harmed before. Hence the bandages. He's also very loud and proud about his passion for suicide. This could count, it's definitely self destructive in the physical sense, but I don't believe it's because of BPD. I think the guy is just really fucking depressed. He just wants to die, it's not so much in an ‘I don't deserve good things or comfort’ way. I also want to touch on the more figurative methods of self destruction. He doesn't exactly go out of his way to sabotage himself in regards to his work, his relationships (he fucks with Chuuya, but he just generally enjoys riling him up), or anything like that. On the contrary, we see him actively putting effort into keeping those things stable. (Lying in order to keep his place at the ADA, being active in his social circle, working towards keeping the ADA and Yokohama in general safe.) So, not really self sabotage in a way that makes me think of BPD.
Overall, most of Dazai's struggles or traits fall under understanding empathy, morality, and manipulation. His actions throughout the series are not hard to connect to these patterns, and it doesn’t take much digging to find supporting evidence. All of his characterization leads to the conclusion of ASPD, rather than BPD. He isn't a very emotionally unregulated character, in my opinion. He’s level-headed, well managed, and secure in himself and his environment. The guy just doesn't quite know how to function as a human being with other human beings, but he's trying.
Also no you cannot change my mind. Anyways I've been writing for like 4 hours so goodbye.
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johnsbleu · 1 month ago
Text
Hold My Hand: John Wick x Reader Chapter 180
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warnings: nsfw, dual pov hmh masterlist
“That is just the weirdest thing.”
I look over my shoulder as Y/N walks into the kitchen, “What is, baby?”
“My car,” she says, and I watch as she drops her bag onto the counter, then she moves to get herself something to drink. “Yesterday it dinged for the first time in like
ever, and I saw that I needed gas. I knew I’d be driving around today, so I made a mental note to fill it up this morning. I’ve been driving around all day feeling like I had to do something and just realized when I pulled into the garage, I never went to get gas.”
She stares at me like it is the most mind-blowing thing ever. I nod for her to keep going.
“But here’s the weirdest part about this whole thing,” she says, leaning her hip against the counter, “The tank is always full. I was down to my last 50 miles yesterday when it dinged, but today it was almost full. I didn’t stop to fill it up though. I drove over 50 miles today. I should be stranded on the side of the road calling you for help right now.”
“Hm, that is strange.”
She takes a sip of water and looks around, “Do I have a secret admirer who comes to fill my tank up? Because the more I think about it, the more I realize I have never filled up the tank since I’ve had that car. Surely it’s not running on the same tank of gas from when we bought it three years ago.”
She is so damn cute, and so damn confused. I love her. I love her so much.
“Yeah, it’s weird,” I say as I shrug, then I turn back to the newspaper and hope she doesn’t see the look on my face.
“What was that?” she asks, and I close my eyes. Fuck, she’s good. “What was that face, Wick?”
I put the newspaper up in front of me when she sits down across from me at the table. I see her perfectly manicured nails over the top of the newspaper, and she pulls it down and smiles at me. I shake my head and put the newspaper back up.
“Jonathan Charles Wick!”
“That’s my name.” I say, and she pushes the paper back down. I smile as I look at her, “I don’t know what you want.”
She raises her brow, “Tell me the truth.”
“What truth?”
“The truth about my car!”
I start to laugh, “You must have a secret admirer, like you said. And why wouldn’t you? You’re the sweetest.”
“John, I’m not an idiot.” she says, and I take a deep breath and hold her gaze.
“Fine,” I set the paper on the table and look at her, “When we first started dating, you mentioned that you hated filling up the tank. You said you hated going in the winter and having to stand outside to get it filled, so
I've been filling up your tank every week, and I have for three years now. You’ve only just now realized.”
I expect her to be happy, but instead she frowns and gets teary-eyed. Her chin wobbles a little as she sits back in her chair looking at me.
“You’ve been doing it for three years?”
“Just about. Since we got the car.” I say, then I furrow my brow, “Why are you crying?”
Y/N wipes her cheeks and turns around so I can’t see her, but I see her shoulders shake as she cries.
“Peach?” I get up and kneel down next to her, “What’s going on?”
“You’ve been doing this really nice thing for me for three years, and I only just now realized.” she says with her face in her hands, “I’m such a bad wife.”
I reach up to rub her back, “I didn’t want you to know. I wanted it to be a little secret. I wanted to do something nice for you.”
“You do so many nice things for me, Jonathan. You always make sure that we have my favorite snacks when I’m on my period. You know exactly what I’m in the mood to watch at night. You always know when I just want some alone time, or when I want to just cling to you, and you allow me to do it. You have my favorite food delivered when I’m at work and you’re at home. You just get me. You know when I want to hold hands when we’re going for our nightly walks, and now I find out that you fill my fucking gas tank up and have for three years so I don’t have to.” she looks at me with tears on her face, “And what do I do for you? Nothing.”
“Don’t start that.” I warn, and she starts to cry even harder. “You’re a good wife. I don’t know why you question that. You’re a good wife, Y/N.”
Y/N looks at me and frowns, “I didn’t realize you were doing such a nice thing for me.”
“I wasn’t doing it so that you would notice. If I wanted the recognition, I would have announced that I was doing it, but I didn’t want that. I wanted to do it so it would be one less thing you have to do. I wanted to do it because I love you.” I say, and she sniffles. “That’s what we do as husband and wife. And before you say you don’t do things for me, yes, you do.”
“Name three things.”
I laugh as I nod, “You always make sure the coffee is ready in the morning--”
“There’s a timer for that.”
“But you still have to put the coffee into it.” I say, and she playfully rolls her eyes. “And you always pick my favorite mug and have it ready for me if I’m running a little behind, and even when I’m not, it’s still there on the table waiting for me. You know how much I hate to do the payroll at work, and you always step in to help me. When I’m working downstairs, you come down there and bring me a good lunch because you know I won’t leave my work to get food myself.”
She nods as she wipes the tears from her cheeks, “You just get so absorbed in your work, and I don’t want you to be hungry.”
“Lately, when my
night terrors have been acting up, you’re there to make sure I know I’m okay, which means more than anything in this world to me.” I say, and she looks down at my hand on her knee, “You settle me and make sure I know how safe I am and that you won’t leave my side. The best thing that you do for me though, is just being good for me. You are so good for me in so many ways. You keep me on my toes, you keep me laughing, and you keep me happy.”
Y/N looks at me with the softest eyes, “You don’t think I’m a bad wife?”
“I think you’re the best wife in this world,” I say, and she laughs before turning to face me. “I’m probably biased, but I’m pretty sure I have the best wife on this planet.”
“Oh, you’re absolutely biased.”
I shrug, “Oh well. No one has the guts to tell me I’m wrong.”
“I think I have the best husband on this planet too.” she cups my face and looks into my eyes, “I’m sorry I didn’t notice.”
“I didn’t want you to notice,” I whisper, and she chuckles. I lean up and kiss her softly, “I love you, mouse. More than anything in this world.”
Y/N smiles softly, rubbing her thumb against my cheek, “I love you too, John.”
“And you do have a secret admirer, I’m just not very secretive about it.” I say, and she laughs, “I’m an admirer who is very vocal about how much I love you and admire you.”
I get up and reach for her hands to pull her up for a hug. She wraps her arms around my waist and leans her head against my chest. We stand there for a few quiet moments. Ronan isn’t here, so the house is extra quiet today.
“So,” she leans back and looks at me, “When were you filling up my car?”
“Anytime I took it.” I say, and she laughs, “Sometimes I’d just sneak out before you were even up so that I could fill it, especially in the winter.”
She shakes her head, “That is so sweet, John.”
“I’ll stop if you want me to, but I don’t want to. I want to do this for you, so let me.”
“As long as it doesn’t bother you, then yeah, keep doing it. I just don’t want you to feel like I’m making you do it.”
I laugh, “I definitely don’t. I’ve been doing it for three years without you even knowing about it.”
Y/N places her hand on the back of my neck and reaches up to kiss me, “I love you. You’re a very sweet man.”
“I love you too,” I kiss her again, then I let go of her.
She shakes her head, exhaling, “I don’t deserve you.”
“Yes, you do.” I say, then I raise my brow, “Don’t ever let me catch you saying that again, and I’m dead serious.”
“Yes, sir.” she laughs, leaning up to kiss me.
I give her another look of warning and only smile when she laughs. “How was Ro when you dropped her off?”
Y/N scoffs, “Thrilled.”
Ronan is having a playdate today with some kids from her swim lessons. She was so excited about it when she left this morning, and I was happy to see her so thrilled about spending some time with some other kids. The plan is to take them to this farm that is almost 30 minutes away. They have all kinds of animals there; she’ll be so happy. Y/N and I were worried about her going without us at first, but Amanda is going to be there since she’s friends with one of the moms. Amanda promised that she would keep an extra close eye on Ronan, and knowing Ronan, she’ll stick close to Aunt Amanda anyway.
“Are you regretting not going?”
“No,” she looks at me and shakes her head, “I mean, she’s still so little that, yes, I’m worried about her, but I trust Amanda. I know she’ll take care of her.”
I nod, “Yeah, I’m sure she’s probably texted you already.”
Y/N reaches for her phone and smiles, then she turns it to me. It’s a picture of Ronan sitting in Amanda’s lap. I laugh, then I walk over to stand next to my wife.
“So,” I smile at her when she immediately squints her eyes, “What are our plans for today?”
“The same plans we made last night,” she says, and I nod. “And maybe a few other things.”
I lean back against the counter and cross my ankles, “I’m cool to do whatever. Just wanna
spend time with you.”
“You’re so cute,” she leans against me and looks up at me, “We can spend all day together. Amanda is dropping Ro off around 5, so she’ll be back for dinner.”
“So, I have you to myself for
” I look at my watch and smile, “Six hours.”
She nods, “Yup.”
“So, you ready?”
Y/N smirks as she backs away from me, “Ready whenever you are.”
__
“Are you sure you’re ready?”
“Been ready every time you've asked me that for the last hour.” Y/N is standing across the padded mat from me as she nods, “Yes, Wick.”
“I’ll be gentle,” I say, and she rolls her pretty eyes. “Don’t roll your eyes.”
She dramatically rolls them, and I immediately take off after her. I go for her legs, but she’s quick, much quicker than I expected. She dodges me and immediately crawls onto my back, wrapping her arms around my neck and bringing me to my knees.
“What
the hell?” I ask from where I’m lying on the mat before rolling onto my back.
“I’m quick!” she says, dancing in place, “You taught me that. You said I need to use it to my advantage, so I am!”
I sit up on my elbows, “You’ll always be smaller, which
unfortunately means weaker--”
“Even that’s not always true, because look at these
” she lifts her arms up and flexes, showing off her muscles, and I wiggle my eyebrows at her; she looks hot. “But yeah, I’ll always be weaker than a man. Physically, but definitely not mentally.”
I sit up and look at her, “You know I think you’re strong, peach.”
“No, I know, and I totally get what you’re saying. Yes, I’ll always be smaller than a man, which means weaker. No argument there.”
“So, you have to find whatever advantage there is and take it. Always take it. Always play dirty if you have to.” I say, and she smiles. “Go for the balls, go for the eyes, go for the throat. Whatever you have to do to get the upper hand. Whatever you have to do to win. To survive.”
Y/N laughs, looking at me, “I got it, Mr. Wick. Question.”
“Answer,”  I nod.
Y/N walks around as I watch her, “Will you ever teach me guns?”
“No,” I say, simply and directly. I shake my head when she looks at me, “I want you to be able to handle yourself without relying on them. I can.”
“Yeah, but come on
” she gestures to me, and I raise my brows,  “You’re John Wick!”
I close my eyes as I laugh, then I look at her, “So you want to learn them?”
“No, but I mean, why won’t you teach me?”
“Because they’re dangerous,” I say, holding her gaze, “And I don’t want you around them.”
She nods, “Yeah, I get that. I don’t want to learn about guns anyway.”
“Then why did you ask?” I laugh, then I furrow my brow, “Were you asking because you thought I didn’t think you could handle them?”
“Maybe,” she shrugs bashfully, “Because if you didn’t--”
I laugh, “You’d want to learn, yes, I know you well enough to know that.”
“Tell me I can’t do something, and I’ll prove you wrong.”
“I know you, Mrs. Wick. And I know you’d be able to handle them. If you truly wanted to learn, we could do some training.”
She inhales deeply as she looks at me, “I really don’t want to learn.”
“Good.”
I lay back down and look at the ceiling. It’s too cold to do any training outside, so we moved the couch in the basement and placed the mat down there. Y/N comes over and stands over me, placing her feet on either side of me before she lowers herself down and straddles my waist. My hands automatically go up to rest on her waist. As I sit up, she plops to the ground, but we’re still connected at the waist.
“Are you getting tired?”
“Little bit,” she nods, and I lean forward to kiss her. “And I’m hungry.”
I chuckle as I reach up to tuck her hair behind her ear, “Thanks for indulging me with this.”
“Of course, babe.”
We’ve been down here for nearly two hours now, going over self-defense. Before she was ever pregnant, I wanted to teach her. I taught her some, but not long after, she got pregnant, so we stopped. We kept putting it off since I always told her that she didn’t need to worry too much about it--I’d always be there to protect her--but after everything happened with Peter stalking us, I felt better knowing she would be able to handle herself if it came to it. I still plan to be with her and be there to protect her, but unfortunately I can’t always be with her. I wish I could be, but I can’t.
We’ve been practicing again for the past few weeks, and she’s picking it up really quickly, just like she did last time. She’s also kicking my ass, just like she did last time. I’m always so proud and in awe that I can’t even be upset that I’m moving a little slower than before. I actually don’t think I am moving slower, I think she’s just fucking quick, which I tell her to use to her advantage.
Y/N moves closer to me and shifts until she’s back in my lap again, “Should we take a shower and get something to eat?”
“Shower
together?”
She laughs, “Sure, but no funny business.”
“Ugh, it’s always ‘no funny business’ with you,” I tease, and she pushes me down until I’m lying on my back. “When can we have some funny business?”
“Tonight,” she leans down and kisses me, “I promise.”
I hug her close to my chest and kiss her, then I move my hand down to her ass and gently pat it, “Alright. I’ll take you out to lunch since you kicked my ass today.”
Y/N laughs as she gets up and reaches for my hands, “I think I’ve kicked your ass every time.”
“Good,” I stand up and hold her gaze, “I want you to be able to do that.”
“I think I’ll be able to kick anyone's ass if they mess with me,” she says, and I smile at that, “But hopefully I’ll still have you by my side, then we can kick ass together.”
I wrap my arm around her waist, “That’s the plan, peach.”
__
**
“You are so unbelievable,” John says, and you smile at him. “You’re unreal.”
“I am believable and real,” you say, sticking up one finger, then you grimace, “God, that was
not hot at all. A little dorky, really.”
John laughs as he stares at you like a deer caught in the headlights, “You could be a total dork, and I would still think you’re the sexiest woman on this earth. In fact, you are a total dork and I still think that.”
“It’s the sheer bra and underwear.” you say, gesturing to yourself.
“Yeah, those are good too,” he says, then he smiles, “But I had this reaction to you this morning when you were wearing one of my shirts and a pair of oversized sweatpants.”
You start to smile as you place your hands on your hips, then you take a step closer, “That’s true.”
John licks his lips as he looks down at your chest, “God, I can see right through this bra. I can see that piericing.”
“Yeah?” you look down at the piercing in your nipple, then you look at John, “Would you like to do something about it?”
“Yes, I want to suck on it.” he nods, reaching out to touch you. You immediately back away and cock up your brow, and John pouts--fully pouts with his whole body. “Please.”
You take John’s hands and place one on your waist before moving it lower to your ass, then you take his other and place it on your breast. He smiles as he looks at you, then he leans down to kiss you.
You feel the warmth of John's touch as he caresses your body, sending a shiver down your spine. The kisses between you two deepen as he moves his hands over your curves with a gentle yet firm grip. His eyes meet yours, filled with arousal and desire, igniting your body.
“Fuck, your mouth is amazing,” he says in between wet and passionate kisses, “Fuck, I love it.”
“You should see what else I can do with it.”
John leans back, smirking, “Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah, I can yap for hours!” you say, and he lets out a deep laugh as you push him down on the bed. You kiss down his clothed stomach, then you lift his shirt and nip at the exposed skin. “But I can do some other really great things.”
“Why don’t you show me?”
You sit up and help him get his pants off, then you toss them to the floor. When you look back at him, he’s already taken his boxers off and is tossing them aside. He’s a little bit eager tonight, which you don’t mind. You stroke him in your hand as you smile at him, then you lean down and kiss him before moving lower. Your hair falls around his hips as you take him into your mouth, and John carefully gathers it all up in his fist and tilts his head up to watch you.
“Shit,” he whispers, tilting his head back and groaning. He bucks his hips impatiently, so you place your hand on his stomach to tell him to control himself. He lets out a small laugh, “I’m trying
”
You take him deeper and gag a little, then you lean up and stroke him, “Patience, Wick.”
“I’m trying.”
“Hmm,” you smirk, then you lean down to take him into your mouth again, and he groans loudly when his cock hits the back of your throat. Gasping, you sit up and smile at him, then you wipe the spit off your chin and crawl up to straddle his waist, “You want more?”
“I want whatever you want to do.”
You playfully roll your eyes, “Jonathan.”
“What?”
“What do you want?”
John leans up and cups the back of your neck, then he pulls you closer, “You.”
“Good answer,” you say, laughing against his lips, “But I need to know what you want me to do next.”
“I think
” he sits up, still holding tight to you, “We need to get my teammate.”
You gasp as you crawl off of him and dig through the drawer in your nightstand, then you hold up the vibrator and smile. John laughs as he takes it from you, then he moves to sit back against the headboard. He beckons you over and pats the mattress between his legs, and you sit up on your knees to take off your underwear, then you move to sit between his legs with your back against his chest.
John clicks on the vibrator to the lowest setting and trails it down your thigh to between your legs, and you buck your hips a little.
“Patience, Mrs. Wick,” he whispers in your ear, “Patience.”
“Yeah, I’m trying
” you say, repeating his words from moments earlier.
John kisses your neck as he moves the vibrator lower, and he lets out a small laugh when your body immediately responds to the pulsing between your legs. You squeeze your legs shut and moan, but John uses his other hand and spreads your legs apart again. He slowly rotates the vibrator around your clit as he sucks on your neck, and you close your eyes and moan loudly.
“Where do you want my other hand?” he asks, and you reach for his right hand and move it lower between your legs. He slides his finger in deep, and with the combined pressure and vibration from the toy, you immediately squeeze your legs shut as you roll your hips. “That’s my girl. Yeah, does that feel good? You’re so wet for me.”
You grip John’s arm with your hands and tilt your head back so you can kiss him, and you feel your body tensing up as you climax. You let out a string of moans as John slides his fingers in and out of your pussy, and you open your eyes to look at him as he watches you intently.
Every nerve in your body is taut. Your knees are clamping shut, but John spreads your legs open, clicks the vibrator to a higher setting, and rubs circles on your clit.
“Fuck!” you grip his arm tight and moan, rolling your hips and riding out the orgasm as John gazes down at you. You push yourself up and motion for John to lay down, then you crawl onto him and hold tight to his hands as you slide down the length of his cock, letting out a moan when he fits inside so perfectly.
John groans as he holds tight to your waist, then he thrusts his hips under you as the two of you moan. He won’t last long at all, so you let him do whatever he wants. Plus, you don’t have much time. It’s already almost 4:30. He reaches up to touch your breast, and you pull your bra from over your nipple and smile when he immediately leans up to suck on it. You roll your hips as you cling to him, and his arms wrap around you even tighter, his groans echoing against your chest.
“Oh, shit
” John moans, and you lean down to kiss him, “I’m gonna come, I’m gonna come
”
Keeping a tight grip on you, John lays back down and jerks his hips hard several times as he fills you up with a loud groan, and you pant as you look at him. You stay on top of him even after he’s stopped moving, and you smile when he opens his eyes, then you lean down and kiss him several times. He playfully spanks you before you both look down to watch his cock fall from between your legs. You wink at him when he laughs quietly.
“Come here,” he whispers, gesturing for you to lay with him. Holding up the little black vibrator, he laughs, “This is
”
“Our best purchase.” you say, and he laughs.
John nods, “It’s definitely a nice little teammate.”
“I think so too,” you say, leaning up to kiss him.
John leans over until he’s hovering above you again, and you hear the click and hum of the vibrator. He moves it back between your legs and starts to laugh when your body jolts; you’re still sensitive. He slowly moves it over your clit until you’re moaning softly into his mouth as you come. It was a small and subtle orgasm, but it was good.
“God, I love this thing,” John laughs, looking at it glistening with wetness from between your legs. He clicks it off and smiles, “I think I need to carry you to the bathroom for a shower.”
“I am spent, Mr. Wick.” you say, looking up at him, “My legs are jello.”
John smiles proudly as he leans down to kiss you, “Let’s get showered. Ro will be home soon.”
You playfully groan as John lifts you up and carries you in his arms, then you look at him, “I’m surprised you can still do this.”
“Excuse you
” he says, and you start to laugh, “Of course I can still carry you.”
“Yeah, true.” you hold tight to him as you stand up, “You were just flipping me around downstairs a little bit ago.”
John starts the shower and smiles at you, “I will carry you until I die from old age.”
“Your back will give out before then.”
“No,” he shakes his head as he walks over to you, “I promise I will always carry you.”
You tilt your head back and smile up at him, “I promise to let you.”
John steps into the shower and reaches for your hand, and you press your lips to his as he shuts the shower door behind you. He gives you a heated look as he stands under the spray of the water, and you bite your lip as he steps closer to you. Your back is against the wall as you smile at John, and you close your eyes when he leans down to kiss you, his hands moving down to your thighs where he lifts you up and presses you against the wall.
He’s absolutely intoxicating, and absolutely not done with you yet. And that is totally okay.
__
“Yeah, you tell him, Ro!”
Ronan babbles to John, scrunching her face up as he watches her in amusement. Neither of you has any idea what she’s so animated about, but you’re both laughing. Ronan walks over to get her crayons, then she brings them back over to the coffee table and dumps them everywhere. They scatter onto the floor and roll under the couch. John looks at you and inhales deeply before letting it go. He’ll have to fish them out later, otherwise Toast will try to eat them.
“It’s okay,” you whisper to him, reaching over to scratch his scalp, “I can get them. Ro, why don’t we keep all of our colors in this bucket?”
Ronan picks them up one by one and puts them into the blue plastic bucket.
“What color is this?” John asks, holding up the red crayon.
Ronan purses her lips, then she hops a little, “Wed!”
“Red, good job.” you reach for the brown and hold it up, “What color is this?”
Ronan stares at it for a moment before looking at John. He sounds it out for her, and she smiles before looking at you and trying her best to say brown.
“Brown. What else is brown?”
John smiles as he watches her, and she points at her eye, “Your eyes, yup, those are brown. What else?”
Ronan grins as she points at John’s hair, and you both smile and nod, asking for more brown things. She points at your hair, then at hers, and you laugh when she reaches over to point at John’s eyes, almost poking him in the eye.
“You’re so smart,” John says to her as she sits on his knee. He pulls her into his lap and kisses her cheek, “What’s your favorite color?”
Ronan looks at all the crayons and thinks it through, “Gween.”
You laugh, “Oh, it’s green today? That’s daddy’s favorite color.”
John tickles her sides as she buries herself in his chest, “That’s why she likes it!”
“I thought it was blue like momma’s favorite,” you say, and she grins and nods. “Oh, you like blue too?”
“She likes all the colors,” John says, helping her stand up.
You watch as Ronan walks over to where you’re sitting on the couch, then she reaches up for you. You put her in your lap and hug her tight. She’s a little cuddle bug. John groans as he gets up from the floor, then he walks over to join the two of you on the couch. He wraps his arm around your shoulder and kisses your cheek, and you help Ronan so she can sit between the two of you.
“Did you have fun at the farm today?” John asks, and Ronan nods as she plays with a crayon, digging her nails into it. She’ll need her little fingers scrubbed tonight before bed. John brushes the crayon flakes off her legs and the couch, “Were there
horses there?”
Ronan nods, “Yeah.”
“How about
” you tap your finger to your chin as you think, “Cows?”
“Yeah,” she nods again, and you smile at John.
“How about--”
“Shickens!” Ronan says, practically vibrating in place with excitement. It’s genuinely surprising how clearly that word came out of her mouth. She begins yapping about the chickens, and you smile as you reach for your phone.
Amanda had sent you a ton of pictures earlier, but you were a little occupied. You open the text and smile as you lean over to show John the pictures of Ronan and all the farm animals. She’s holding a chicken in one picture and she has the biggest grin on her face. She looks so happy.
“Is that one of the ‘shickens’?” John asks, smiling when Ronan nods. He leans down to kiss the top of her head, “God, we’ve made the cutest kid on earth.”
“We really did,” you smile as you look at him. You help Ronan off the couch and brush the remaining crayon flakes to the floor, then you scoot over to sit closer to John so you two can look through the pictures.
After looking through them and sending a few to your mom (and a few to John since he wants to have them on his phone), you go back to the text from Amanda and laugh when you read it.
She was OBSESSED with the chickens. Like, genuinely, we spent an hour just at the coop. She found one and just held it, and it let her! She was in love, and I think the chicken was too. Get that girl a chicken!
You and John both look at each other at the same time, and you smile when you see him looking at you.
“Don’t get any ideas.” he says, and you laugh. “We just got a kitten not that long ago.”
“Hey,” you put your hands up, “I didn’t say anything.”
John playfully squints his eyes, “Don’t look at me like that.”
“I’m not looking at you like anything!” you laugh, and he looks away, “I’m just looking at you like I always do.”
“No, you’re looking at me with
googly eyes and you know I’ll give in.”
You scoff, “Give in to what, exactly? I haven’t asked for a single thing. I think maybe you want to get chickens.”
“I don’t! They’ll be loud and messy, and I don’t want it.” he says, and you nod in agreement. It would be a lot of work. “They’ll shit all over my vegetable garden too.”
John and his damn vegetable garden. He’s so proud of it. It’s fucking adorable. He made a salad the other day with everything from it, and it was truly the best salad you’ve ever had. He didn’t believe you when you told him, but it was so good.
“I mean, unless we put them near the back of the house, closer to the side patio,” he says under his breath, and you reach over to get him to look at you. “We don’t need chickens, do we?”
“No, we don’t.” you say, and he nods.
Ronan whines a little as she walks over to you, and you help her onto the couch again. She’s probably wanting some dinner now.
“Why don’t we go get cleaned up?” you say to her, and she nods. “Then daddy can take his girls out for dinner.”
Ronan nods, then she crawls off the couch and waits patiently by the stairs.
You get up from the couch and point your finger at John, “Stop it.”
“I’m not doing anything.” he laughs, playfully swatting your hand. “You’re the one who needs to stop.”
You lean down and kiss him, “We don’t need chickens.”
John sighs, “Unfortunately, I think we do.”
“Jonathan Wick,” you laugh as he grabs you and pulls you into his lap, “She’s a toddler. What is she gonna do with chickens?”
“Learn responsibility, have chicken friends
”
You smile as you lean over to kiss him, “John, if you want chickens, just tell me.”
“I
kind of want chickens,” he says, and you start to laugh. “We could have our own eggs here!”
“John Wick isn’t just a dad. He’s a dog dad, a cat dad, and now a chicken dad.” you say, and he smiles. “She’s gonna love it.”
John kisses you, “Probably not the time to get them, plus we’ll really need to do our research and build a good coop for them.”
“Momma, come.” Ronan says, waving you over.
“I’ll be right there, baby.” you say to her before looking at John, “You would give her the world if she asked, wouldn’t you?”
John nods, “You’d do the same.”
“Absolutely.” you smile, then you cock up your brow, “But she didn’t ask for chickens.”
“No, she didn’t.” he says before smiling, “But you did. With that smile right after you read that she loved the chickens today. I’d give her the world, you’re right, but I’d also give you the world. I know you want chickens too.”
He’s good.
You playfully roll your eyes, “Okay, so maybe I think it’d be cool to have chickens and have our own eggs.”
John smiles when you get out of his lap, “Do I know my wife or what?”
“Yes, you do.”
“Just chickens
” he says in a playfully warning tone, “Just the chickens.”
You nod as you lean up to kiss him when he stands up, “Got it. Just the chickens.”
Ronan grins when you walk over to her, and you lift her up and look back at John. He starts to smile when you lean over and stage-whisper to Ronan.
“We’ll get the goat too, don’t worry.”
__
**
I’ve been researching chickens all night. After we got home from dinner, Y/N took Ronan up to get her bathed and ready for bed. She still won’t go down for another hour or so, so we plan to watch a movie. I’m usually with them for bathtime, but I
couldn’t stop thinking about chickens, which sounds ridiculous.
“Hey, chicken dad.” Y/N says from the living room, and I push my chair back and head out to see what’s going on. “Wanna watch a movie with us?”
“Of course.”
Y/N smiles, “Cool.”
“Shicken daddy,” Ronan says, and I laugh as I look down at her.
“Oh, you’re calling me chicken dad too?” I ask, and she giggles. She screams with laughter when I scoop her up and tickle her. “You little turkey.”
Y/N gasps, “A turkey too?”
“No, my love, just chickens.”
She playfully pouts, “Fine.”
I set Ronan down on the couch and walk over to hug Y/N from behind as she picks a movie for us to watch. I move her hair off her shoulder and kiss her neck, “More self-defense tomorrow?”
“My body is killing me, if I’m honest.” she says, leaning back in my arms, “I was hoping I could take a nice bath tonight after Ro is down.”
“Okay,” I kiss her shoulder. “Sounds good to me.”
I have some leftover rose petals from her last bath that I made up for her, so I’ll slip away at some point to get everything prepared for her.
“Maybe we can take a day off from training tomorrow,” she says, and I nod.
I really don’t want to, but if she’s not feeling up to it, then I understand.
Y/N looks over her shoulder at me, “It’s not forever, Wick. It’s just for tomorrow.”
“I know,” I say, and she raises her brow.
She knows me too well. I worry that if we stop, we won’t pick it back up, which means she won’t know how to protect herself if something were to happen.
“Hey,” she turns around and cups my face, “We’ll talk tonight, okay?”
“Okay,” I lean down and kiss her. “Popcorn for my girls?”
Ronan nods, raising her hand, “Meeee.”
“You wanna help daddy?” I ask, and she comes running over to me.
I lift her up and toss her over my shoulder as she giggles. I open the cupboard and smile when Ronan leans in to grab a bag of popcorn from the container. She holds the package close to her chest and only hands it over for me to open. It’s hard to do it with one hand, but I manage. I open the microwave and hand it back to her, and she smiles as she sets it inside. She’ll want to push the button to start it, so I close the door and look at her.
“You’re such a good helper, bug.” I say, and she smiles at me before wrapping her arms around my neck.
“I sure am getting lonely out here.” Y/N says from the living room, and Ronan and I look at each other.
I whisper, “Should we make momma some hot chocolate?”
Ronan nods and points at the cupboard where we keep the cups. I open it and smile as she looks at all of the mugs and decides which one to pick for her mom. She goes with the one shaped like a donut with purple sprinkles. Y/N was obsessed with donuts with purple sprinkles when she was pregnant. When I was out one day, I saw the mug. I took it as a sign, so I bought it.
I set Ronan down so I can make us some hot chocolate. I get a little caught up in making it, and with the sound of the popcorn in the microwave, I almost don’t hear Ronan raiding the snack closet. I laugh as I walk over to it and find Ronan inside, reaching up for some cookies.
“What are you doing, young lady?”
Ronan shrinks into herself and looks up at me with her huge brown eyes.
“Are you looking for snacks?” I ask, and she nods. I let out a laugh before leaning back a little, “I think our bug is still hungry.”
Y/N comes into the kitchen and laughs when she sees Ronan is standing in the snack closet, “Are you still hungry, baby?”
Ronan nods her head just as the timer goes off on the microwave. Y/N picks her up and takes her back to the closet so she can pick a snack while I go back to making hot chocolate. I get the popcorn into a bowl and bring it to the living room, then I head back to the kitchen to find Y/N and Ronan at the counter. I look over Y/N’s shoulder and smile when I see her putting peanut butter onto a few slices of celery for Ronan.
“She also asked for a ‘yunion’,” Y/N says, looking over her shoulder at me, “So, maybe just a slice.”
I get the onion out of the fridge and hand it to Y/N, “Ro, go sit down and we’ll bring your snacks out.”
Ronan’s feet slap on the floor as she runs to the living room, calling out for Bleu and Toast to join her.
“A fucking onion, John.” Y/N says, and we both start to laugh. “She wants
an onion.”
“She’s
her mother’s daughter.”
Y/N scoffs, “I have never asked for an onion.”
“No, but you do like random snacks.” I say, and she laughs.
“What a strange kiddo,” she says, and I smile at her, “God, I love her so much, so so much.”
I nod, “I do too. She’s perfect.”
After Y/N cuts up a slice of onion, I grab the hot chocolate and walk with her back to the living room. Ronan kicks her legs a little and claps when her plate is set in her lap. Bleu tries to sniff the plate, but all three of us put our hands out to stop him.
“No, Bleu-boy, onions aren’t for dogs,” Y/N says, then she looks at Ronan, smoothing her hair back, “Good job remembering, sweetheart. He can’t have them. They’ll make him sick.”
“Smart girl,” I say, leaning down to kiss the top of Ronan’s head.
Y/N plops down on the couch next to her and takes a bite of celery and gives the rest to me. I sit down on the other side of Ronan and smile when Y/N looks over at me.
“Ready for our movie?”
Ronan holds up a slice of onion and nods, “Yes!”
Y/N laughs and presses play, then she smiles as she looks back at me when she realizes I’m still watching her. I reach over and lightly brush my knuckles against her cheek, and she closes her eyes and smiles before leaning into the palm of my hand.
“I love you,” I whisper to her, and she smiles and whispers it back. “Bath in 15?”
Y/N looks down at Ronan and laughs since we both know Ronan will fall asleep in 10 minutes or less, then she nods her head and presses a kiss to my hand.
__
I’ve had to add more water to the tub twice since it keeps cooling down, but neither of us wants to get out. It’s nice just holding each other.
“We should have just gotten into the hot tub.” Y/N says, and I laugh against the shell of her ear. “I totally would.”
“You’ll be frozen by the time we get down there,” I say, and she hums. I let the silence linger for a moment. “Do you really want to?”
She shrugs, “I’m not tired. I’d be up for a glass of wine and some crackers in the hot tub.”
I laugh as I lean up to see her face, “Let me get out and get your robe.”
Y/N moves up so I’m able to get out, but before I can get a towel around my waist, she’s already standing up and unplugging the bathtub. She steps out and reaches for her robe, then she smiles at me before walking into the bedroom.
Ronan doesn’t usually sleep with the baby monitor on anymore, but since we’re going outside, Y/N quietly sneaks into her room to turn it on, then she follows behind me to the kitchen. I quickly grab two wine glasses and a bottle of Pinot Grigio, and I see Y/N grab a box of crackers and some cheese from the fridge. She smiles at me when I look at her.
“What? I want a little snack!”
“I didn’t say anything,” I hold the door open for her and laugh when she stuffs a cracker into her mouth.
It’s pretty chilly outside, but the hot tub is warm. There’s steam coming off of it. We haven’t had it all that long, and we really haven’t used it much, but now with the weather getting cooler, I have a feeling we’ll use it more. I just wish it were closer to the house so we didn’t have to walk so far in the cold.
I set the wine aside and hold Y/N’s hand as she stands on the steps, then she looks over her shoulder at me. It takes me a moment before I realize why she’s looking at me; she’s naked.
“Oh, you’re good. Logan won’t be home tonight and no one is outside.” I say, nodding my head. I reach for her robe and smile when she lets it fall from her shoulders.
“I probably should have put on a swimsuit.”
I wave it off as I set her robe aside, “It’s 10 o’clock at night. You know our neighborhood--everyone is asleep by now.”
“Except my sister,” she says, and I widen my eyes as I hold my towel around my waist. Y/N laughs, shaking her head, “No, she just texted me, so I know she’s awake. She’s not coming over here. I didn’t respond, so she probably thinks I’m asleep.”
After setting my towel aside, I get into the hot tub and reach for our wine. I pour some into our glasses and pass one to her, then I sit down and smile before clinking my glass against hers.
“So,” she looks at me as she swirls her wine in her glass, “Chickens
”
I laugh before quickly finishing my glass and filling it again. I will most likely get a little tipsy off this bottle, so will Y/N, but it’s fine. I fill hers back up too and smile when she laughs.
“Chickens, yeah.” I settle beside her and wrap my arm around her shoulder to pull her closer, “Maybe three.”
“Three? Geez,” she laughs, “You really love our daughter.”
I smile, “I certainly do.”
“How about
a rabbit?”
I start to laugh, “A rabbit, chickens, and a goat?”
“A mini farm. It’s all legal in Nassau County.” she says, then she shrugs, “I’d help take care of them.”
“I know you would, baby.” I whisper against the top of her head, then I lean down to kiss her, “Why don’t we start with chickens?”
Y/N nods, “This summer?”
“That sounds good to me.” I say, and she smiles.
“Geez,” she says softly, leaning up to kiss me, “You really love me.”
I smile, “I certainly do.”
I watch as she sets her glass aside and stands in front of me. I hold her gaze for a moment before setting my glass aside and reaching out to hold her by her waist.
“What are you thinking about?”
She hums, “A lot of things.”
“Let me in,” I whisper, and she laughs quietly before leaning against my chest and kissing me. “Let me into your mind.”
“Do you think we’re safe now?”
“I do,” I nod, pulling her closer, “I know we are. Peter’s gone. He’s not coming back.”
Y/N chews on her bottom lip before she straddles my waist and sits in my lap, “Is it stupid that a week ago we had someone watching our every move and now we’re naked in our backyard?”
“No,” I shake my head, “I think it’s brave. You’re allowed to be naked in your backyard if you want.”
“I don’t want to be ashamed to be naked. I want to be able to be naked in my house. I want to be able to be naked in my backyard if I want to.” she says, and I nod. “I feel like I’m taking back something that was stolen from me. Does that make sense?”
I nod, “It does. It really does.”
“No one can even see us.”
I nod, then I tilt my head to the left, “I don’t think Mrs. Johnson next door is even up at this hour, and if she is, she certainly can’t see through or over the hedges. Our backyard is very secluded and private. I did that on purpose.”
When I had the house rebuilt, I liked the idea of being able to be in the backyard and never being able to see a neighbor. I didn’t want to be bothered. Sure, sometimes I’d help Mrs. Johnson next door during the winter. Helen would always offer for me to shovel the old woman’s driveway--and I was happy to do it--but I wanted to be able to sit in my backyard, read the newspaper, and be left alone. I didn’t want people to be able to even see me in the yard since I knew it meant they’d try to talk to me.
The ironic thing is, when I noticed Y/N for the first time, I started spending more time outside in hopes that she’d see me. All that time I spent trying to hide from people, but all I wanted was for her to notice me. In order to do that, I had to actually go into the front yard, which I did much more than necessary. It worked in my favor in the end. I got my girl, and I am so grateful.
I pull her closer and kiss her, “You can be naked in the yard all you want, baby.”
“Good. Only in the backyard though.” she laughs, then she leans back to hold my gaze. She bites her bottom lip for a moment before kissing me deeply. “You’re my best friend.”
“You’re mine too,” I whisper back, and she lets out a small laugh.
I hold tight to her as I shift a little, and she closes her eyes when she feels me stiff between her legs. She gets herself adjusted too, and we both reach down, our hands bumping into one another, and we laugh when we have the same idea. She takes me into her hand and holds my gaze as she sinks down the length of my cock. She feels incredible. I clench my jaw and tilt my head back against the side of the hot tub, then I open my eyes to look at her.
The steam rises around us as I gaze at her, and I notice the subtle expressions that flicker across her face. It’s adoration. It’s admiration. It’s honest-to-god love. I try to think back to a time when I ever questioned whether she loved me or not. I can’t think of a specific time, but if I did, I silently berate myself for ever thinking that. It’s so clear to me how she feels. Hopefully, it’s clear that I feel the same way. I love her. God, I love her so much.
“Hey, John,” she whispers, and I hum as I look at her, “I love you.”
I let out a small laugh because of course she’s reading my mind, “I love you too, peach.”
Y/N wraps her arms around me, and I close my eyes as we surrender to each other.
__
@spiderfangirl22  @im--blushing @ruby-octo @sunnythebunny7  @livetosing21  @lilithlinen @ladyren33 @multifandombliss @tnu-ree @scream-queen-25 @beingnerdyissupercool @sakurachan-9
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theheartofone · 6 months ago
Text
Steel in Her Veins, Chapter: Thirty-Eight
Read On: AO3 | Table of Contents | Next Chapter
Characters: Fem!Reader x Roronoa Zoro
Notes: I just graduated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOORAAAAYYY! I'm finally FREE NOW TO WRITE AS MUCH GOBBLEDUPFANFICSASIWANT AND IM SO HAPPY! SIHV is no longer under hiatus ;ppppp (not proofread properly as i was so excited to update everyone on this story hahahahdsjs)
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Chapter Thirty-Eight: A Doctor’s Steady Hands
“Is it this one?”
I unhook my head from beneath a curved plane of metal, wiping the machine oil from my face with my sleeve. I examine the mishap of tools in Bepo’s paws, scrambling to keep them all hooked between his claws.
“Uh, yeah, that one,” I say, nodding at the screwdriver with the yellow handle. Bepo carefully flexes his cushioned paw to pluck one out from the other, then proceeds to stuff the rest of the tools – and the equipment box, mind you, in the front pocket of his overalls. 
Swiftly, I disappear under the side of what used to be Law’s beloved ship and begin to assess the damage. A soft curse comes out of my mouth, incredulously asking myself how Luffy could have damaged this beautiful piece so badly.
Sighing, I begin dismantling damaged parts with a hard-set scowl indented on my face – a scowl I haven’t been able to get of rid for about a week now. Gramps always used to tease me for being so transparent with my feelings, how I’d always wear my heart on my sleeve – and even thinking back on that memory doesn’t help with sobering up my mood, either.
I sneak a look at Bepo who’s looking incredibly out of place at the makeshift workshop we’ve made for ourselves. He looks down, staring down at his paws with a frown set on his face – almost as if he wants to ask me something but doesn’t know when the right time would be. Guilt pangs in my chest, knowing that Bepo doesn’t know what to do with how I am right now. It’s a pretty big personality shock to him, seeing how much I’ve changed compared from when I was a happy-go-lucky kid; a young tweenager with hope in her eyes, now turned young adult with angry fine lines peppered into her skin. It must have broken whatever pretence he had of me in his head. 
Regardless, he still showed up today. Hell, he even offered to be my little work assistant, completely aware of my recent bad temper - still willing to be there for me. It doesn’t help matters that I’m unhelpfully being gossiped about by Usopp to physically anyone he could talk to.
‘I don’t know, I’m kinda worried, ya know?’ Usopp mutters not-too-secretively in the bullseye centre of our temporary camp. ‘Ever since Zoro stormed out of that weird lake magic, they’ve both been acting off
’
‘And not to mention, ever since she turned into that scary Luffy form, she’s been so different,’ Usopp urges. ‘I don’t know if we can trust her from exploding into that-that
 THING again. WAAA, I’M SCARED!’
Nami slaps him on the back of his neck, the sound ricocheting against the jagged stalactite ceiling as she eyes him down, anger in her eyes. ‘Oh, shut up, will you? Raya’s still Raya, and she’s one of us. Get that into that thick skull of yours.’
“Yo, Raya!” Franky’s voice echoes from a few miles ahead of me. His large body is somehow perfectly cramped beneath the belly of the Polar Tang, his fists slamming into the metal simultaneously as his head twists 180 degrees towards me. “We’re finally working together, huh? I can’t lie to you; it’s making me feel hella excited!”
I don’t know how he managed to do it, but a surprised laugh breaks out from my mouth; I didn’t know I meant so much to him, it almost makes me feel bad for not working with him sooner.
“Me too,” I say whilst my hands get busy removing each screw from the disfigured plane of metal. “I’m sorry we haven’t done this sooner, Frank.”
He rolls his eyes at me and bats a mechanical hand with a grease cloth clamped over it. “Are ya kidding me? You’ve been through hell and back, Raya. Take it easy. I’ve got an insane number of blueprints to work with you soon.”
I shake my head, turning back onto my partition of the work. He’s too forgiving, sometimes. Too carefree
 I wish I was like that.
“Did I just imagine things?” A cool voice reverberates behind Bepo and I. “Did Raya’s face finally do something other than scowl?”
I twist my head so fast I hit my head against the ship, scowling at the figure who made me jump about eighty feet out of my own skin. Law looks down at me with a sly smile twitching at the ends of his mouth, his tattooed arms folded together against his chest.
“No, there it is again,” he continues. “That scowl. I must’ve imagined things.”
“C’mon Law, don’t tease her.” Bepo sighs.
Law turns to stare at his first mate, his mouth slightly ajar. He quickly closes it again, noticing I’ve been smirking at him like a kid who just got some well-deserved payback. “Well, you’ve never ordered me around before.”
I furiously rub at the sore spot on my head, still giving him a shit-eating grin, before my eyes lower to his clothes. Blue work overalls overlay a white shirt on his torso, a huge pocket resting at his belly. I raise a brow, not expecting anyone besides Franky and Bepo to be working with me today.
“Did I mess the memo? I didn’t know we were roleplaying as mechanics today.” My lips twitch into a faint smirk, making Law dismissively scowl at me.
“Well, I prefer to be around my possessions from now on. Since, you know, the last time I trusted you with one, you’d engaged with some more
 interesting excursions,” he snaps.
That made me shut right up. I turn around and get busy, ignoring the heat growing on my face.
Bepo eyes the both of us with suspicion. “What? What was that supposed to mean? Law?”
Before Law can wave him off, another voice enters the workshop cavern with a tinge of irritation laced in his words.
“Oi, Trafalgar. Where you want me to put these?”
My heart instantly stops from hearing that cursed voice. I can just tell by his footsteps that they’re his. Fuck.
I don’t look around, pretend to be all cool and nonchalant while I’m actually screaming inside, but no one can excuse the fumbling my fingers are doing, my hand unable to unscrew a section I easily did a few moments ago.
Law faintly turns his head and side-eyes the samurai with a raised brow. “Why are you shouting, Roronoa? We can hear you just fine.”
I breathe in shallowly, feeling a minute sense of fear from his presence. My eyes train on the plane of metal above me, not daring to look in his direction.
‘You don’t scare me, Kozuki.’
You don’t scare me, Kozuki. It rings in my head constantly, even when my eyes grow heavy, my mind startled awake, in one of the dragon’s sleeping holes.
You don’t scare me, Kozuki. But you should be scared of me. I grit my teeth, jaw clenching then unclenching. That’s what he meant, right? He’s threatening me.
“You roped me into bein’ your work slave, this is what you’ll get,’ Zoro retorts, his eye piercing Law’s. Law only smirks in response and rests his frame against his tattered ship.
“No brain, only brawn. I’m not surprised,” Law smoothly bites back. I choke out a laugh, yet immediately shut up when I see Zoro’s eye drink in my crouched frame.
I quickly get back to work, my fingers deftly peeling off the unscrewed plane of metal. There’s an odd silence between all three of them, and I can just tell that Zoro’s still pinned his lion-like gaze on me.
“Are you just going to stare with your mouth wide open,” Law remarks, his feet suspiciously stationing themselves over my crouched body. “Or are you going pass those boxes to Frank?”
I hear Zoro bristle, seeming to be taken off guard. "You’re making things up," he grumbles, though the fluster in his voice betrays him. He finally shifts his gaze from me and turns his attention to the boxes at his feet, nudging one of them with his boot.
"Could've fooled me," Law replies, the smirk never leaving his face. There's a flicker of amusement in his eyes as he watches Zoro struggle to find a retort.
Zoro’s jaw tightens, and for a moment, it looks like he's about to snap back with something sharp. But instead, he just exhales heavily through his nose and lifts one of the boxes as if it's nothing. "Whatever. You could’ve picked someone else for this," he mutters, more to himself than anyone else.
As he starts walking towards Franky, I can't help but glance at him from the corner of my eye. There’s something different in the way he carries himself today, an edge to his movements that makes my heart pound just a bit faster. It’s not fear—not exactly. It's something else, something furiously too intimate to be just anger.
"Don't drop those, Roronoa. We don’t have spares," Law continues to mock, earning another jaw-tick from Zoro.
As his shadow becomes more and more smaller, I finally let out the strained breath I’ve been holding, my hands a little steadier now. But, still, the weight of his presence lingers, those same tan muscles my hands stroked over being a mere few steps away makes it harder to concentrate.
"Well, this is cozy," Law says, his voice low as he crouches down closely, his eyes flickering with mischief. "Maybe we should do this more often."
I shoot him a look, trying to suppress the small smile tugging at my lips. I skid the plane of damaged metal across the rocky floor, thrusting it with enough force to hit it against his thick-soled boot. "Don’t push it, Trafalgar," I mutter, though the corners of my mouth betray my nonchalance.
In all of a sudden, Bepo crouches next to Trafalgar and imploringly looks at me. “Look
 Raya. Can we please talk?” He whispers, his eyes nervously shifting towards Franky’s direction to make sure he’s not paying attention. His gaze flickers over to Zoro, who finds purchase on a rocky crevice right in the centre of the workshop, his arms folding to his chest tensely, tanned muscle flexing. I watch him intently, realising that he looks to be asleep - almost as if he’s taken the perfect chance to doze off. A bit too much of a perfect chance, in my opinion.
I sigh, rubbing the raggedy cloth against my oil-stained cheek as I look away. I knew it, of course, that this conversation was inevitable. Bepo, knowing the entire truth – and Law, in direct extension – were both biding their time to gauge me out for more information.
I hand Bepo the screwdriver, silently gesturing for the small wrench that prods out of his belly-pocket. Impatiently, Law quickly picks it out and deposits it in my hand before Bepo even realises what’s happening.
I don’t know what comes over me but when I look, and really look at my childhood friend’s desperate eyes, I soften my tone.
“Of course, we can,” I mumble, my eyes lowering, avoiding his deeply troubled gaze.
“Keep working,” Law mutters lowly. His eyes train on Franky who once in a while looks over to compare his progress with mine. Zoro’s eyes are still closed, his breathing paced, but there’s still something suspicious about the way he’s holding himself too tensely for my liking.
I turn my head to the millions of nuts and bolts I’ll have to begin laboriously undoing, sighing inwardly. I love workmanship, but man, sometimes it can be boring.
“Keep talking, Bepo,” Law continues.
Bepo fiddles with his work shirt, looking down with a frown on his face. There’s a small beat of silence, the only sounds made are from Franky slicing a metal piece with his laser eyes, before Bepo looks back up at me.
“What happened, Raya?” He swallows, searching for the right way to word the questions that hungrily race through his head. He curses a little to himself. “G-god, that’s an open ended question, I know, but
 so much has happened, and now you’re part of Luffy’s crew? Why was– well, Gramps targeted? And-and
 what the hell did you transform into before?”
I pause, letting Bepo's questions hang in the air. My fingers keep working, twisting the small wrench, though my mind is racing faster than my hands. The questions he’s asked are the ones I’ve been dreading, but also the ones I knew I couldn’t avoid forever. They’re the kind of questions that dig deep, uncovering layers of the past that I’ve buried under years of anger, fear, and guilt.
I can feel Law's gaze on me, and I know he’s just as curious, though he’s better at hiding it. Franky seems to have disappeared in the pursuit of more materials in a different cavern, leaving a different type of silence, one more threatening, in his wake. Even Zoro’s steady breathing, despite his seemingly relaxed state, feels like a pressure pushing me towards answers I’m not sure I’m ready to give.
But Bepo deserves the truth. Maybe they all do.
I clear my throat softly, choosing my words with care. "It’s
 a lot. Look, when I was a kid, I had no idea what was really going on; I just knew that every time the Cp-0 came knocking on our door, we had to relocate to a different island and build up our workshop again. Gramps
 he knew things, had secrets that I didn’t understand back then that I think I’m slowly uncovering. He tried to protect me, but in the end
 He got taken."
I can feel the weight of their attention, even though no one’s directly looking at me. Law’s quiet demeanour, Zoro’s stillness, Bepo’s concerned eyes—they’re all listening, even if they’re trying to be subtle about it.
“That’s the same thing that happened to-”
“Penguin, I see,” Bepo finishes Law sentence, his mouth pursed into a fuzzy, sombre line.
I nod, playing with my fingers. "As for why I’m with Luffy now
 I didn’t plan it. I was trying to stay low, to avoid getting involved in anything that could draw attention to me. But things don’t always go as planned. Luffy
 well, you know how he is. He promised me that we’d go finding Gramps if I did join him.”
Bepo looks like he’s putting all the pieces together, his eyes searching the tattered ship for answers. Distantly, his voice comes out, slightly uncertain.
“So, that’s why Law went to ask Luffy for an alliance.”
I nod again, not knowing what else to say.
Bepo nods, slowly, trying to process my words, but I can see he’s still deeply troubled. His gaze flickers to the metal I’m working on, then back to me. “But why the alias? Why are you hiding yourself from them?”
I grit my teeth, my eyes trained to a stray bolt, my sentences coming out in quick-paced bullet points. “I don’t want to be known by that name anymore. I hate it. What they don’t know won’t hurt them.”
Law quirks up a brow. “Quite the opposite, Raya. You know that could put them in danger, right? If they’re not prepared with what’s coming after you, it could be incredibly detrimental.”
I pause. He’s right, of course. I’ve been so focused on hiding, on keeping my past buried, that I hadn’t fully considered the consequences of keeping the truth from them.
I push that thought away and my resolve tightens. “You saw what I transformed into. I’ll keep the people coming after me at bay, without the crew even realising what went awry.”
“If you were part of my crew, I’d instantly throw you out,” Law coolly says, his torso shifting against the Polar Tang.
I let out a dry laugh. “Even if you tried to recruit me, I wouldn’t join you. Stay humble, doc.”
Law's expression remains neutral, but there's a glint in his eyes that shows he’s not entirely unaffected by my retort. He crosses his arms and leans back against the ship, seemingly unbothered, but I know him well enough to catch the subtle tension in his posture.
“You’re being obtuse, Raya. Not to mention incredibly selfish,” he bluntly states, not even trying to sugar-coat his words. “And if what Bepo’s told me about you is true, then that’s uncharacteristic of you. This'll affect everyone around you, exactly the way your Gramps had been. Taken, by a lifeless vessel, with two bulbous eyes.”
He leans in closer, his eyes now glinting more angrily, his voice lowering to a whisper. “At least your Gramps knew what he was getting into. He had a choice. And you, Raya, are not giving the same one to your crewmates.”
Fuck. Not once, but twice this asshole's statement rings true to me. If something were to happen, if the past I’ve been running from finally catches up to me, they could be caught off guard, unprepared for the shitstorm that I've happily brought along on board
I take a deep breath and meet Law’s eyes. “I never said I was a good person.”
Law's gaze hardens, Zoro’s body twitches, and for a moment, the air between us feels thick with tension. His eyes bore into mine, searching for something—maybe regret, maybe resolve. He doesn’t find either.
“I did some reading earlier,” Law breathes out coolly. “Of a person named Tyr. Tyr was ordinary. Incredibly so – mainly kept to himself, worked at a local mine, brought back food to his table without amiss. He didn’t have to work so hard, callous his hands day after day to scrounge up such measly coin to survive, but he did. He did it for his wife and two children, because he loved them so deeply, and he couldn’t see them suffer.
But that same Tyr also had no awareness of his lineage. Who he was didn’t concern him. He was a bastard’s child, no last name, his mother withered to dust during his childbirth. Until one day, a group of men dressed in black barged into his house and attempted to drag his wife and children away. You know what happened to that same old Tyr?”
I hold in a breath, not even daring to look at him. Even Zoro’s feigned equal breathing stops for a moment. I don’t respond, don’t even want to know about Tyr’s fate, but Law keeps on going.
“He turned into exactly what you are, Raya,” he says, his words quickening, tumbling out of his mouth with no regret. “And you know what he did?” Law leans in, his breath hitting my cheek coldly. “He was so consumed with his power, so lost in his own bottomless, consumed soul, he killed and tortured not only those men, but his two precious children and the wife that he adored more than anything.”
I can feel the blood draining from my face, the wrench slipping slightly in my grip – but Law keeps on going.
“So the thing about ‘Retribution’ is that you can be good. Dish it out to the deserved, change those who are able to be reformed. You can reign it in Raya,” he breathes out.
His eyes then darken, pinning me under his wrecked ship. “Or you can go off the rails. Go so off the rails, you’ll only be able to see red and red alone, and that power will quite certainly consume you, turn you, into the embodiment of Hell, just like good-natured, ordinary Tyr did. You’ll torture everyone, anyone, in sight, without even being aware of your own actions. Because all you will think about in that head of yours, echoing in every sick crevice, is of revenge, revenge, revenge. Pain, pain and even some more. So, if you don’t think you’re a good person now, what will you be when you transform?”
The silence that follows Law's words feels suffocating, like a heavy weight pressing down on my chest. Tyr. The image of him, once a loving family man, transformed into a monster by the same power that now courses through my veins, is impossible to shake. My hands begin to shake.
I can feel the pain in the air, not just from me but from everyone around. Bepo’s usually soft and comforting presence is tinged with anxiety, his paws fidgeting restlessly as he waits for me to respond.
And Zoro
 my heart thumps harder, unable to swallow the lump in my throat as I catch his gaze. He isn’t even trying to feign sleep anymore. He stares at me, only steps away, his fingers itching as if to unsheathe his sword and plunge it into me.
Realisation floods into me, my skin prickling in shock as I turn from Zoro to Law. “You brought him here on purpose, didn’t you?” I whisper.
Law’s expression doesn't change, but the flicker of something in his eyes confirms my suspicion. He knew. He knew that Zoro would be here, that he would want to hear everything. A part of me wants to be furious, to lash out at him for orchestrating this, but another part—a deeper, quieter part—knows that this was inevitable. I just didn't want to face it.
Zoro’s gaze is piercing, unflinching, as he stares at me. The air between us is palpable, like a live wire crackling with trepidation. His hand hovers near his swords, and for a moment, I can’t tell if it's a reflex or a genuine threat. The thought chills me to the core.
You don’t scare me, Kozuki.
I know he’s not one to draw his blade without reason, but the way his eyes bore into mine makes it clear that he’s weighing every word, every movement, every breath.
You don’t scare me, Kozuki, but you sure as hell should be worried about me.
Law finally breaks the silence, his voice as calm and steady as ever, his fingers still remaining comfortable against his lap. As if seeing what was going through my head, he twitches his head behind to Zoro, and mutters out, “He didn’t know I was roping him into this, and neither did Bepo. If you want to lash out, do it to me. Not them.”
I swallow hard, the chill between us almost suffocating. My eyes flick between Bepo, Zoro, and Law, each of them representing different facets of my life—my past, my present, and the uncertain future that looms ahead. Law’s calm, calculating demeanour clashes with Zoro’s barely restrained fury, and Bepo’s concern only amplifies the weight of it all.
Zoro’s gaze pierces through me as those damned words echo through my head again, unyielding. ‘You don’t scare me, Kozuki.’
“What the fuck, Trafalgar,” Zoro suddenly manages to bite out, the veins in his hand flexing in tandem to his rushing thoughts.
“You deserved to know,” Law says, his gaze still stuck on me. “Out of your entire crew, you’re the one who’s least likely to be reckless with danger. And this time, that danger is Raya.”
“I listen to Luffy, and Luffy only.”
“Bullshit. Look at you - your hands are itching for a sword.”
Zoro grits down on his teeth, his gaze on me slightly wavering, almost as if he’s feeling a sense of guilt wash over him. My mouth slightly opens in surprise – maybe a little bit of betrayal surging through me as I understand Law’s statement rings true to him.
I bark out an incredulous laugh, looking at both men. Bepo seems to be in looking between Law and I, torn on whether to stand by his captain or his childhood friend.
“So, what, you’re going to kill me?” I bite out, my hand tightening so hard I feel the wrench tear into my skin. “Throw out the rotten fruit? Go on, I’d like to see you try.”
“No.” Law steps forward until he towers over me, dark eyes flickering down to my face. Zoro almost growls out seeing how close Law is, how our bodies almost touch but both of us are too busy to hear him.
As I release a breath, the wind slowly begins to pick up around me, as if challenging Law to fight. My hair flits upwards into the air with small embers of fire that seep through many miscellaneous strands of brown. My eyes remain on him, sizing him up, wondering how it would feel if I could just plunge this wrench into his chest and taste his blood.
My eyes widen slightly at my intrusive thoughts, shock paralysing me and rooting me to the floor. Never in my life have I

Law only observes me with a curled down frown, his ink black hair whipping from the rising wind.
“It’s happening, isn’t it?” He murmurs lowly, lips pursed only ever so slightly. “You thought of something unsavoury.”
“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I rise my chin up at him.
He kisses his teeth and grabs my wrist, his tattooed fingers curling over my skin tightly, as if knowing I would try to slip out and run away. A blue light seep from beneath his finger pads, my tan skin consuming its colour like an incubus. A sound, almost faint, whirls around me; a feminine voice uttering out words in a language that was definitely not born from the grounds of earth.
“Don’t fuck with me, Raya. Stop it with the dumbass defiant act,” he warns, the light underneath his hand glowing with more colour.
“Then why don’t you be a lovely doctor and move your hands away,” I retort.
Zoro growls at Law with outrage and boulders his way past Bepo - who looks like he’s about to pass out – and grabs him by the same glowing wrist that lays on me.
“Take your fucking hands off her before I cut them off,” he murmurs lowly, his eyes slitted demonically.
Law, outraged, whips his head around at Zoro. “What do you think you-“
But it’s too late. The glow in Law’s hands and fingers grows larger, bigger, taking up all the air in the room until even the fire that lights up the stalactite ceiling disappears.
It feels like the world around us has taken a deep breath and gasped out, snuffing our vision out.
It’s dark, almost like a black void has consumed me. There’s nothing but black, black, and black, assaulting my vision in drowning shades. My head turns this way and that way, my eyes hungrily, desperately, searching for something, and the sounds of someone scrambling on the floor resound in the chillingly silent cavern.
“L-Law! What’s happened?” Bepo desperately calls out, his heavy footsteps aimlessly thundering around me. I let out a strangled gasp, my eyes subconsciously widening almost as if trying to consume something, anything that I can see.
I hear Law from below me, on the floor, his heavy boots struggling to find purchase to stand up. Whatever he was casting threw him to the ground, his groans an outcome of his power.
A hot breath flattens against my skin, prickling my hair on my neck, making me instantly look up and try to figure out the source.
“Calm down,” Zoro mutters to me, his breath tickling the shell of my ear, my face coming into contact with what could be his hard chest. His rough fingers curl over my wrist, held so tightly it feels like he won’t dare to let go.
Unable to think, I comply and breathe in slowly through my mouth. Law sounds to be standing on his feet, slightly stumbling in blindness, before he growls out,
“You fucked up, Zoro.”
I furrow my brows together, my head whipping to Trafalgar’s direction, but before I can respond, Law bites out another remark.
“Look down.”
With nothing else I can do, I lower my head and my eyes come into contact with my wrist. A small, faint flicker of blue light encircles around my skin like a cuff, laying on my skin so tightly it almost becomes even painful to twist it.
It flickers again as it gains more energy, more colour, until the thin ring of light transforms into a shackled cuff. It glows in the darkness, giving light to my surroundings, my breath catching in my throat as I look around. My eyes instantly lock on to Law, who has his jaw clenched tightly. But a slight twinge of sardonic humour glints in his eyes as he turns to Zoro, who’s looking furiously at him, his grip on me unrelenting.
“Law? What-what did you do?” Bepo squeaks out, his eyes bulging out of his skull. “What just happened?!”
“What the fuck is this?” I demand, staring down at my wrist.
Law sighs heavily, ignoring both Bepo and I. He doesn’t look away from Zoro’s intense gaze, almost frowning in betrayal. “Roronoa, do you really think I would’ve killed her?”
I hear Zoro’s teeth grit together almost too painfully before he says, “You were too close to her for my liking.”
Law rolls his eyes, trying to clear the surprised glint in them. “Well,” Law muses, his finger pointing at Zoro’s wrist. “You won’t be having that problem anymore.”
Immediately, we all look down to Zoro’s wrist.
A faint twin blue flickers against his large wrist, gaining more and more light to restrict his skin into a painfully tight circle. He moves his wrist reflexively, hissing out a curse as it also drags my wrist in his direction. I topple over with a yelp, my elbow barraging into his chest.
Instantly, my face falters. I look closely at the cuff around my skin, the way it sections out into a pattern of interlocked chains, growing and growing to meet Zoro’s. Zoro’s face contorts into a horrified realisation that mirrors mine, his wrist – and in extension, mine - tugging in front of his face as if to test the theory out.
My head whips up as I murderously look at Trafalgar.
“Oh, you did not do what I just think you did,” I snap.
Trafalgar only smiles at me, devoid of any humour. “He should’ve moved out of the way.”
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one-piece-aus · 1 year ago
Text
Whumptober Day 5
Sabo x Reader
Tumblr media
TW: Home invasion
[y/c] = your city
"Weakness." You punched Sabo into the lava and watched him burn to death.
"[Y/n] I was in the middle of collecting quartz," Sabo whined and respawned back at his base.
"Karma's a bitch," you laughed.
You were playing Minecraft with your online friend Sabo, who you've been playing online games with for the past 10 years. Started ever since you got Minecraft as a kid and played on servers, after playing a few mini-games you friended him, and eventually, you exchanged Discord users (when it became a thing). Yeah, yeah, the internet is a dangerous place, blah blah blah, Sabo was cool though, you trusted him, you've already done video calls with him, and honestly he's been there for you more than anyone else.
There were countless late nights where you two stayed up, gaming while discussing some deep topics. Sometimes they were philosophical nonsense, other times they were about struggles going on in life, you both cried over call during those kinds of nights. Safe to say you and Sabo's friendship was real, you just wished he lived near you so he could visit-
"Oh now I'm not going to share the surprise I was going to tell you," Sabo said when he teleported back to the nether.
"Surprise? What surprise?" You crouched your Minecraft character in front of him.
"Nooooo, I'm not going to say." Sabo walked around you and begun mining quartz once again.
"Come onnnnn, Sabo."
"Surprises are for nice spouses."
Ah, that's right, I forgot to mention your married Sabo in Minecraft, for "XP benefits" of course.
"I'll give you golden apples."
"Mhmmmmm."
"And... a three stacks of cookies."
"Well why didn't you just say so!" Sabo spun around and picked up the items you dropped for him before going on his merry way.
"Okay, now tell me," you said following after him.
"So you remember how I said my brothers and I planning to go on a trip over Christmas?" Sabo asked as he started to build a bridge over lava.
"Yeah, kinda sucks since that means you won't be able to play online," you grumble as you slowly crept behind him as he placed blocks. Playing with Sabo was all you looked forward to these days so him reminding you that you wouldn't be able to play with him during that time, you felt your mood deflate.
"Well guess where we're going."
"Uhhhh Tim Buck Two."
"No, we're going to [y/c]."
"Really!?" Your demeanour spun a 180, your excitement pulled a shiny smile across your face.
"I knew you'd be happy but I didn't think you'd get the same energy when you see your favourite blorbos on screen," Sabo laughed as the two of you were now bridging over a group of piglins on the ground.
"Because you are one of my little blorbo husbandos," you cooed knowing it'd fluster him.
"...I'd like to see you say that to me in person."
"You say that like I won't."
"[Y/n], you can barely ask an employee for help at the grocery store."
"Shush." You hit Sabo off the bridge and watched him fall to his doom, or so you thought. He placed a water block on the ground, in the nether. "Are you using your hacks again!?"
"You better move before I get back up and knock you off," Sabo warned.
"You won't dare."
"Or I would-" Sabo cut himself off when he heard something loud thud over on your end. "What was that?"
"Hm?" You were playing music in the background, talking to Sabo, and listening to Minecraft sounds with your noise-cancelling headphones so you didn't hear it.
"Something heavy fell over on your end."
"You're not messing with me are you?"
"Ace does that trick, not me."
"I wouldn't put it past you to use one of your brother's tricks."
"Okay, I'll stop building up-" Sabo ceased stacking blocks and looked up at your character. "You pause your game and check what fell over."
"Fine." You pause your game and start to take your headphones off.
"Wait!"
"Whaaaat?"
"Turn your camera on."
"Why?"
"It's... I just got a bad feeling."
"Okay..." You shrugged off Sabo's uneasiness and turned on your camera before taking off your headphones and started looking around your room to see what fell.
"Must've fell outside," you muttered heading toward your bedroom door and opening it.
Sabo couldn't see what was outside your door, whatever stood out there made you slam your shut and scramble to push your dresser in front of the door. Goosebumps crawled over his skin as realization hit him that shit is hitting the fan. He fumbled on his end to grab his phone and rapidly tapped buttons.
"Sabo..." You were now back in front of the computer, the dresser completely blocking the door. "Call the cops."
"Way ahead of you," Sabo said as the phone began ringing. "What's going on?"
"There's...there's a guy in...in my house." You could hardly pull your words together since your brain is currently spinning around to find the way for you to survive. "He...he's throwing things around... I think...I think he saw me." You started typing your address to Sabo so he could tell the cops where to go, you sent it before but it'd take too long for him to scroll up to find it. 
Sabo muted himself, probably so he wouldn't be heard talking to the cops. You backed away from the computer again, this time grabbing your bookshelf full of manga and pushing it in front of your door. Once that also blocked the door, you glanced around for more things to push in front of the door but the only heavy stuff left was your bed and desk which could be hiding places that the intruder could look around, and any few seconds he wasn't finding you was a second more of survival.
You picked up your headset and put it back on, Sabo was still muted. You clicked on the Minecraft tab so it'd cover your screen and he- if the invader came into your room- wouldn't know your camera was on with a witness. You took your phone just in case, making sure it was on silent and hid in the closet, making sure no sound came when you closed the door. You climbed into your laundry basket, burying yourself under your dirty clothes, for once grateful you forgot to do laundry.
"Okay, the cops are on their way- [Y/N]?? Where are you [Y/n]???" Sabo felt his heart drop.
"i'm in the closet," you whispered.
"Why didn't you climb out your window?"
"don't you remember that i told you the lock is broken? i live on the 10th, that's suicide," you whisper-shouted.
"Just stay on call, okay, police will be there soon."
"...okay."
Your meek voice squeezed Sabo's heart, his wish he was there to deal with the guy himself, or at this to be there to reassure you everything is going to be okay. Alas, all he could do was sit there on the other end of the screen, helpless as you both listened to something banging on your door.
Tag: @bookandyarndragon @roseoftrafalgar
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conspicuous-clown-car · 1 year ago
Text
small fnaf sb drabble
wrote this at like 3 am after imagining chica like one of those photos you see of cats where their eyes glow in the dark menacingly, then it slowly turned into...this lol
point of view is of my fnaf sb self insert, chica eats trash and feels bad, moon is a bastard but just wants to hang out with his friend.
i'm not a writer so keep that in mind, i just really wanted to get this idea out, and it would take too long in comic form
You walk down the second level hallway between Monty Golf and Kids Cove, heading towards Chica's Bakery. You fidget with the lanyard you're wearing, twisting the security badge around in your hand idly.
Hearing a suspicious sound of crunching in the distance, you pause, letting the badge fall against your shirt.
Your eyes dart around, and you slowly make your way towards whatever the noise is, attempting to keep yourself hidden. Right as you’re about to walk out from behind a food cart, the lights go out. ah, right. hourly recharge. 
You quickly peek your head out, trying to find what’s causing the noise, eyes straining as they get used to the dark. Your eyes widen seeing a figure that looks like Chica, hunched over a knocked over garbage bin

eating trash


god, not again.
You stand up straight, and carefully walk closer, making sure not to trip on anything in the dim lighting. You do your best to make as little noise as possible with your footsteps, thankful that the carpet muffles most of it.
Finally, standing a good 5 feet behind her as she shovels garbage into her mouth, you just, pause. Contemplating why she’s still doing this after supposedly being “fixed” weeks ago. When and how did this behavior start? Why did they give her the need to eat in the first place? Why has management been ignoring this problem for so long?
and why


.why do you keep watching, this is disgusting.
You decide you’ve had enough of watching and listening to her shoving trash down her gullet, and move your hand past your jacket to silently unclip your flashlight from your belt.
Flashlight in your hold, you click it on and shine the light directly on her, informing her of your presence.
“Chica!”
The animatronic's head spins a whole 180 degrees towards you, body still facing away. You wince at the sight. She looks like a wild animal, her eyes reflecting the light of your flashlight, her mouth stuffed with trash from the garbage bin that she was clearly just eating out from. She looks sort of
aggressive? Like a pet getting caught eating something it knows it's not supposed to be eating.
You two stare at each other for a long awkward moment. 
When she finally relaxes a bit her eyes dart back and forth on you, surveying you
“Uh-“
Some chewed up mix of garbage falls out of her beak as her jaw moves
“
..Yes?”
You try not to laugh at that, stifling a smile and managing to keep a straight face. You lower the flashlight so that it's pointing to the floor, closing your eyes, you take in a deep breath. Your shoulders slack and you let out a long sigh, then look at her
“you know you’re supposed to be charging right now, right?”
She comically blinks out of synch, processing the information
“
Oh
oh!”
Chica jolts, and looks around as if she’s just now noticed the darkness the pizzaplex has been engulfed in
“Oh my gosh, you’re right!! Sorry! I just uh
..” 
She glances to the toppled over garbage bin, then back to you. Shrugging sheepishly, she lets out an embarrassed giggle
“

Got distracted?”
You huff and manage a smile, not really that upset with her eating habits, just a little concerned for her. You scratch at your face absentmindedly.
“it’s alright, just... get to the nearest charging station asap, yeah?”
She straightens up, her body rotating to face you. Her mood lifts a bit and she smiles, relieved that you aren’t reprimanding her for her strange habit. Despite that she still seems tense
“Yeah! Of course!”
She struts towards you, eyes lighting up the dark and casting a purple glow over you. Abruptly stopping herself from patting your shoulder, she frowns when realizing how much gunk is on her hands. You look up at her with a soft expression on your face.
"...hey, i'll help you clean up after my patrols if you want, okay?
Chica stays silent, lost in thought as she stares at her messy hand. Her eyes quickly dart between you and her hand for a moment. Then, catching up to the present, her eyes settle on you, and she smiles gratefully.
"...I would, really appreciate that, thank you"
You give her a small smile, and pat her clean arm wordlessly, an attempt to comfort her. It seems to lift her up, as she swiftly regains her peppy composure and remembers her current task
“Right! Charging! Sorry again, see you later, Krissy!”
she gestures a peace sign as she starts walking past you
“mhm, see ya”
You nod your head at the chicken, watching as she hurries towards what is hopefully a charging station, leaving you in the dark. But as she walks further in the distance, you see her form slouch a bit, as if in shame. It tugs at your heartstrings, and you wonder if this is starting to get a little out of control, this eating problem of hers. It’s clearly taking a toll on her, you can tell, no matter how much she tries to hide behind her enthusiastic nature.
You look over at the garbage bin on its side, ultimately deciding to let a staff bot handle it. There's no way you were touching garbage without gloves, and you cringe at the thought.
As your mind wanders you turn around and continue walking to your original destination, Chica’s Bakery. Knowing the path, you turn the flashlight off, keeping it in your hold just in case. You quite enjoy the darkness, along with the bright colors of the neon lights on the ceilings and walls, it's very peaceful. Lost in your thoughts as you continue making your way towards the bakery, only the muffled sound of your footsteps can be heard in the quiet empty pizzaplex.
That and the faint sound of bells.
You immediately freeze right outside the shutter doors, hair standing on edge at the noise. Your ears strain to listen for anything else as you stand completely still. The darkness around you is slowly lit with a red hue, and right behind you, you hear the sounds of something
mechanical.
You spin around and, not expecting Moons face to be inches from yours, you jump and flail backwards, cursing. You lose hold of your flashlight and it thuds on the carpet. How you didn’t feel him so close to you, you had no clue. His body is slouched low to the ground as he snickers at you. Your face feels warm, embarrassed by your reaction
“c'mon moon! the hell?”
You glare at him and ball your hands into fists at your sides, only slightly irritated at his amusement
His chuckling slows and quiets to a stop and he tilts his head, the action causing a creaking sound as he looks at you. god you gotta fix that.
“taking my job?”
His voice filled with mirth, and maybe a bit of mock irritation too. 
You lean over to grab your flashlight off the floor, keeping your eyes on him. Standing up straight attempting to regain your composure, you fail to process what he said
“huh?”
“Chica.”
He says plainly, casually taking a step towards you, still slouched. You don't understand where he's going with this, as he's purposely acting mysterious
“oh”
you say dumbly
“right, she was uh, just kinda there so i
.sent her on her way?”
You shrugged awkwardly, thumb fidgeting with the grooves on the flashlight. You can't really tell if he's taking this conversation seriously or not.
Glowing red eyes seem to brighten as he stares at you, his body rigid as he shakes his head creepily.
“didn’t do it correctly.”
You squint at him, tilting your head in confusion.
“
didn’t-
..what do you mean?”
He glares, abruptly walking towards you, and you manage not to flinch. Yet your grip on the flashlight tightens.
“didn’t escort her to a charging station.”
He starts slowly circling around you, like a predator, keeping his gaze locked on you. You turn towards him, making sure to keep your eyes on him. You're really not in the mood for what you think he's planning.
“didn’t make sure she actually got to one.”
His hands twitch a bit, and you glance at them for a brief moment, trying to figure out if he's actually upset or not.
“well, isn’t that your job?”
you instantly regret the quick retort, mentally yelling at yourself for saying it ruder than you meant. wow! way to de-escalate the situation!
Moon stops walking, and just stares at you, alarmingly still. All you can do is look back into his red eyes as you attempt to control your breathing and keep your face emotionless.
Another moment goes by of staring at each other, then a reedy giggle bursts out of his voice box with a glitch. He covers his mouth with a hand -as if that would muffle it- and grips his stomach, his body shaking as if he’s actually laughing. You just stare at him as he laughs at you, wondering what's so funny.
He finally stops laughing and lets out a quiet sigh, mimicking wiping a tear from his eye while holding a hand to his chest. His faceplate quickly tilts toward you.
He lifts his hand, and calmly motions for you to come closer, holding it out as if he wants you to take it.
“c'mere.” 
You grip your flashlight to your chest with both hands, confused at the quick change, not fully trusting his intentions. You purse your lips and squint your eyes at him suspiciously.
“
.why?”
He slowly moves a bit closer, crouching to your eye level, trying to appear less intimidating.
“come on...” 
His voice is softer, as if he genuinely means no harm. It could still be a trick though, you've fallen for this before. Stretching his arm towards you he motions again for you to take his hand.
You look down at his hand, then at him, then back at his hand, and think for a moment. You trust him, right?
You let out a sigh through your nose and cautiously lift your right hand.
Moon quickly shakes his head and waves his hand, and you ignore the fact that it slightly startled you. He then points to your left hand, the one that has the fazwatch on it. oh.
He holds out his hand again, and -after switching your hold of the flashlight to your right to make sure he doesn't take it- you carefully place your left hand on his, watching him to see if he'll try anything.
Smoothly shifting closer to you, he gently grabs your arm and gets up into your personal space. He brings your wrist and fazwatch close to his face, and starts fiddling with it. You relax a bit, relieved that he was just messing with you before.
Curious, you try to see what he’s doing as he taps his fingers on the screen, but his huge faceplate is blocking your view
“
.what’re you
?”
“shhh...”
He quickly shushes you, faceplate spinning once, and the bell on the end of his hat hits your chest.
"hey!"
You scoff, feigning annoyance, despite it not hurting that much.
Moon hisses in response.
He stops tapping and stares at the screen for a second, then guides your arm up to your face with both hands so you could see what’s on the fazwatch. You wince at the bright screen, your eyes adjusted to the dark. Oh, it’s the useless map of the building you stopped using weeks ago, with...dots on it. Four to be exact, one red, one purple, one green, and one pink. The pink one was further away from the rest, not moving.
You quickly put together that these were the glamrocks in their green rooms, all charging. Except for Chica, who was still loitering in the atrium
ugh.
Moon points to the pink dot, his finger getting too close to your eyes for comfort.
“Chica.”
You bring your arm down to look at him, simultaneously getting his hand further away from your face.
“yea, she’s still not in a charging station...”
You sigh and look at the ceiling, dragging your right hand down the side of your face tiredly. You really were a babysitter to these four. At least now you'll always be able to see their locations on your fazwatch, that's helpful.
You realize Moon still has a hold on your arm as his hands start curling around it, and he gently tugs you closer, getting your attention back on him.
“come with me.”
You look at him for a moment, then turn your head toward the shutter door that separates you from the bakery. You had your own personal reasons for going there besides having to patrol
but...
One of his hands moves from your arm to your other shoulder and he pulls you even closer. He stand a little taller, so that his face is right in front of yours
“could be funny...”
You lift your eyebrows in interest, eyes darting to him for a second but you keep facing towards the shutter. Hmmm, knowing Moon, it could be funny

“help me do my job?”
He requests, calling back your previous statement. Man he really wants you to come with him, huh?
“
hmmmmmmmmm....”
You draw out a long hum, and turn towards him somewhat, still not looking at him. You wait for whatever he’ll do to try and convince you to go with him.
Moon's hands squeeze you, he tilts his head to the side, and your eyes are immediately drawn to him.
“pretty please?”
ah shit, you can't say no to that
“....hmmmmmmm okaaay
”
You huff, reluctantly agreeing to accompany him.
You hear a mechanical rumbling noise coming from his chest, and he straightens his posture, looking pleased. His hand engulfs yours as he quickly grabs it, clearly thrilled to be able to spend time with you.
You roll your eyes and fail to hide a smile as he happily drags you through the dark building, away from Chica's Bakery.
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mysicklove-main · 2 years ago
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Now I have to ask. How would the boys from Your New Pack react to the reader being injured by a different hybrid, either intentionally or accidentally?
not good my friend, not good. but hey let's get into it.
sorry if this is a little short!!
HAWK! KEIGO
You watch his wings twitch and gulp. It was an accident, the fox hybrid truly didn’t mean to swipe at you. He takes a slow step toward the poor hybrid and you do the only thing that will make Keigo turn back toward you, you begin to whine and cry. Of course, it didn’t hurt that bad, but from the way the hawk turned to you with wide eyes in alarm, while the fox ran away, it was pretty believable. He curses to himself and tears a piece of his shirt off to wrap your hand in a bandage, all the while mumbling stuff like, “You are alright. I know Im sorry, Dove.” and “Please don’t cry. Please, you know how much it hurts me seeing you like this.” mostly to himself to calm himself down and not chase after that fox bastard.
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BUNNY! IZUKU
This was your fault. A bear hybrid pissed you off and one thing lead to another, and he landed his teeth on your arm. You expected Izuku to freeze, maybe even cower, but he did just the opposite. He stands in front of you, teeth bared, against the bear who was twice his size. His ears go back and he tries to control his growls. When the bear takes a step closer, you are the one that has to pull Izuku away. Although he looks fierce currently, you are not willing to risk your bunny getting hurt. So, you put all of your strength into pulling him away (which is a lot, and he barely budges). But, when he hears your pleas, he allows himself to be dragged away. He cries when he helps you bandage the wound.
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WOLF! KATSUKI
Wolves are possessive by nature. In Bakugous mind, every inch of your skin was his. So when the small pup tries to dig his canines into the hand he has already claimed (accidentally, but he tries not to think about it that way) he bares his teeth with a small warning growl. His muzzled face did nothing to hide his sharp teeth and the poor pup gulped, tears lining his eyes, as he scampered toward his mother. You get mad at him, and he goes off on a tangent on how he was in the right and the pup should know his place. You just sigh and apologize to the mother.
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PANTHER! SHOTO
The vulture hybrid didn’t even get a chance to strike. The second Shoto saw the malicious glint in his eyes, he dove for the other. Honestly, it freaked you out. The way his usual polite words turn to descriptive, condescending threats. Like he was playing with the fool, trying to scare the absolute shit out of him. “If I so much as see you glance at my owner I swear I’ll find you. Do you understand? I will find and kill–” You grab him by the collar with wide eyes and he immediately pauses. And just like second nature, he switches back to how he usually is in your eye, “I apologize Y/N, but I just couldn’t let him hurt you! You know you mean so much to me. I just...wanted to protect you. Of course, I would never do anything to him, you know me!”
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DOG! EIJIRO
His happy-go-lucky mood would switch instantly. It surprises you considering he has never seemed to get mad, but the second that cat hybrid landed its claws on you he did a 180. He turns quiet and cold, glaring at the cat, and small rumbles pull in his throat. He readies himself for a fight. The cat scampers away instantly, feeling the harsh mood and he immediately turns to you. His eye water and he apologizes profusely for not being “strong enough to protect you”. You have to reassure the poor dog that it wasn’t his fault.
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desceros · 1 year ago
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[Earth shattering stomps heard in the distance comes closer and closer]
[Halts and in a quiet voice]:
Symphony donnie and viola chans' wedding.😊😊
[Stomps away into the distance]
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i don’t think they’d be married, actually!
i think what would happen in the bad time is a very different progression of their relationship. i think violist-chan would have been a refugee-type in the beginning, who tried to use music to keep everyone’s spirits up.
(i imagine this would annoy donnie quite a bit. that noise could attract unwanted attention, after all.) (noise?? excuse you. it’s music, and it makes people happy. aren’t you one of those guys saying hope is our most important weapon??) (that would be my brother. and his taste in “music” is almost as terrible as yours.)
but eventually you start going out on supply runs. you don’t do well sitting on your hands, and people need things. and donnie starts noticing that people really do seem to be in a better mood when you’re around. fuck, he’s in a better mood when you’re around. the hell is that all about.
and eventually the two of you have this just. insane sexual tension. that probably snaps one day to ravel’s habanero or something. you’re telling him it’s sexy. he’s telling you you don’t know what sexy is. oh yeah. yeah. then. well.
and after that he still hates classical music but you, oh. how he admires you. you with no special powers. unmutated. weak. how strong you are. how you bear everyone’s weight for them. how you insist on talking to everyone until they feel better despite how many pieces of you you have to trade away for their happiness. how you’re the last one to spill your troubles, and only after he or leo needles them out of you. how you get along so so well with everyone and just brighten the entire world with your smile. how you love so fiercely, even him, especially him, when he’d been so cruel to you in the beginning.
(leo never stops teasing him for his 180 on his opinion of you. not until after youre gone and it’s no longer funny to anyone.)
but you both were always busy. always moving. you’re both workaholics. both needing to be busy to feel like you’re being useful. making time for the other but never having enough of it. he’d have time for less important things when they got a foothold against krang, he’d think. until people really started dying. then it was more of a panic. he’d have to make it a little safer before he could take the time for something so frivolous and unnecessary. what was marriage after all but just a different word for what you already were? and when you got pregnant it was even worse. the world wasn’t safe enough for your child. any moment he wasn’t with you, he was fighting. working. clawing desperately at an imagined haven for his daughter. for you.
i think it would hit him the moment someone came up to him and mistakenly said “i’m sorry about your wife” that it was something he really did want. and just. never let himself imagine. never gave himself the time to have. but by that point, it was too late. all he had left were old recordings of music that ached and a mask never worn except by him.
anyway can you step on me now so i can get crushed and die? thanks
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theanothersherlockian · 1 year ago
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Me nace del corazĂłn || Frankie Morales x Latinx!Reader
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Just a quick drabble. I wanted to make Frankie embrace his Latin side jeje.
Reader is gender neutral, no physical description. She understans spanish and speaks it.
The translation of the song at the very end.
just 500 words
this might or not might be self indulgent (it is c: )
Music was always in the scene, no matter how the mood was. It could always lift him up if Frankie had a bad day at work, or keep the good energy on a good day.
You hadn’t gotten him to admit it verbally but he loves to dance, especially if it's with you. Well, he only likes to dance if it's with you. Swirling you around, humming along to the song, not minding where you were, not worrying about prying eyes, being with you was enough to take him out of his comfort zone.
You had a stressful day. Things at work didn't work out how you wanted, making a domino effect on everything else. It just wasn't your day. You just wanted to get home and de-inflate, laying on the couch with Frankie, maybe even starting a movie that you probably sleep through.
Once at home, you started making dinner, something small for the two of you. You put your playlist on your phone, something with a fun tempo to make you feel better, and in no time you started singing and dancing along too.
Frankie didn’t make a sound when he unlocked the door, he had made it sure to be that way when he heard you through the walls, your voice and laughter making him soft every time he heard it. He opened the door and made his way in with light feet. He stood there watching you, he couldn’t believe this was his life now, after everything he's been through at the military, he now can be at ease. If only young Frankie could see how his life would do a total 180.
You turned around, and saw Frankie there.
“You’re early” you say laughing
“Hey baby,” he said, walking closer to you, pulling and hugging your waist. He started to swing you slowly to the tempo of the music. Until it changes to a different song.
He grinned knowing the song. He would always sing that to you. The trumpets making the entrance.
“Frankiee!” you said playfully laughing into his neck.
“Me nace del corazón” he started singing along the song “Decirle que usted es mi vida, que no se vivir sin usted disculpe que se lo diga.”
Frankie started swinging at you jumping on his feet at the new fast tempo. His right hand held you tighter to the waist while the left hand intertwined your right hand, making it go up and down.
His voice was playful but at the same time his low voice made you feel something. He swirled you around on your feet. his right hand always knows its way to your hip. You both were dancing through the kitchen.
Your laughs impregnated the room. You were always happy to be with him, he made your days brighter no matter how bad they were.
“Y quiero sentir sus besos, su manos que me acaricien” you started singing with him as well “quiero comprobar que vivo, no quiero morir de amor”
You both were breathing fast, giggling into each other when the song was over. Your head resting on each other, lips bruising.
“I love you” you whispered to him, the breathing slowing as a sense of welcoming washed over you.
“I love you too baby” he whispered back to you. His soft eyes linger on your face
*~*
the name of the song is “Me nace del corazón” and it’s specifically Juan Gabriel’s version.
ME NACE DEL CORAZÓN DECIRLE QUE USTED ES MI VIDA: It is born from my heart to tell you that you are my life.
QUE NO SE VIVIR SIN USTED DISCULPA QUE SE LO DIGA: that i don’t know how to live without you, i’m sorry for telling you.
Y QUIERO SENTIR SUS BESOS, SUS MANOS QUE ME ACARICIEN: And I want to feel your kisses, your hands that caress me.
QUIERO COMPROBAR QUE VIVO NO QUIERO MORIR DE AMOR: I want to check that i’m alive, i don’t want to die of love.
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thebellekeys · 2 years ago
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On this week's episode of E!’s Botched: James Herondale's character (Meta)
We've now reached my meta piece on our Angel-Demon Boy Extraordinaire, James Herondale! (Not to be confused with just Angel Boy Extraordinaire, Jace Herondale).
I adore James’ character so much. He's such a sweet, comfortable, and noble main character that you absolutely can't help respect, admire, and sympathize with him in the main trilogy. James, in Chain of Thorns, is on the Jem-tier of sympathetic and lovable. That being said, I have some criticisms of the way his character arc played out in Chain of Thorns especially that I'd like to pick apart... because I can. Moreover, I have a, uh, wee problem with the way I could literally hear Cassie fiddling around with the levers and gears of the narrative as far as James is concerned in The Last Hours (which starts mainly by the end of Chain of Iron and going into Chain of Thorns but was there from the beginning). If you’re super not-in-the-mood to read any criticisms of James (even one where I’ll be blaming only the narrative and not James in any capacity at all), then feel free to not read this.
Powers Begone
James and Lucie lose their demonic powers at the very end of the story. There is no opportunity for growth in the future regarding James and Lucie's demonic heritage. James will no longer be able to use the runed gun that only he can use. This is boring insomuch as it forces the reader to acknowledge James' and Lucie's powers and their inherited darkness as something that was created for the purpose of existing as an obstacle to overcome, rather than as a portion of themselves to come to coexist with. It's not necessarily bad writing but it's just extremely cookie-cutter writing, especially as it makes the central conflict in the story something that will bear no real power in the future and nor will it have a legacy– it has no weight. If the narrative has created these demonic powers to be something that can be detached from the characters with no caveats, then James and Lucie have only managed to be victims of these powers in the story before they shed them. The Belial powers that they've inherited are like raindrops on a windscreen. Rainfall is an obstacle to driving, it's a nuisance, and it can even make you get into a car accident. But at the end of the day, once your windshield wiper is working, you can brush the raindrops away. The narrative brushes away James and Lucie's powers at the end of the story, which is fine, but it also brushes away any and all of the consequences this power should have. The narrative has wiped away any of the long-term effects of the emotional, psychological, and physical consequences or legacy that their powers could have. This isn't a plea for James and Lucie to be destroyed by their powers, but rather, I feel like this complete loss of power and "moving on", which is part of why I find the Epilogue to be so weak, sanitizes James and Lucie's line from being tinged and stained with their inheritance. And while I reiterate that this is not categorically bad writing, it’s just kinda boring to me. James' arc ends exactly where it started, but without the poetry of a "come full circle" storyline. My issue is that James' character does a complete 360 (and not a 180) in a... lame way. Considering this demonic power is what raised Jesse from the dead (a really good thing!) and was the catalyst for the creation of the gracelet too, the disappearance of it makes for, yeah, a very sweet story. And a sweet story is just never as poignant as a bittersweet story. But this last sentence is just me projecting. Maybe. Moving on.
(N.B. But another reason I didn’t think the Epilogue was good, despite it being so warm and pure amd enjoyable for me, is because we damn well know that Cassie is good at writing bittersweet endings. Your main character living with demonic poison in his veins as a mute monk for 150 years before he can finally be with the love of his life and without having forced her to choose only one of the two men she’s ever loved is peak bittersweet writing. Your other main character sacrificing his literal memory to a Demon Prince to get his close friends out of a literal Hell realm and then slowly becoming empowered after that trauma and regaining his memory is peak bittersweet writing.)
You Can’t Spell Herondale Without Hero
James’ goodness is as good as it is bad in the context of the story, and I attribute this paradox to the fact that he’s a Herondale. There’s a Herondale legacy to protect, after all, with his character, and as a result, the story is simultaneously enriched and hindered by James’ parentage and characterization. I'd even argue that said characterization is the direct result of having said parentage, which isn't a bad thing at all. But, what I have an issue with is the way James' characterization feels, you guessed it, entirely sanitized. No, I'm not saying here that there was an Original Dark James that got lost in the wind or cut from the drafts (I mean, yes, I do absolutely think that, yes, but I'm not gonna try to tear apart his character on that basis, because it'd be mean, but it's also pure speculation, and I have no desire to pick apart the Secret Dark Original Ending anyway).
The narrative spends a lot of time protecting James, his heroism, and his nobility, and its choice method of protecting James has been to strip James of his agency. James spends the whole of The Last Hours experiencing things happen to him, but not really doing things. He gets possessed by Belial, he gets blackmailed by Belial, he gets the gracelet put on him by Grace, he gets stabbed by Cortana, he had his wife run away to Paris before he could stop her
 I could go on. He spends the entire series being hurt and manipulated by other people and entities because he’s just so good and loving, and he spends little of his time actually making choices that can permanently affect others, for better or for worse. Because James spends the majority of the trilogy literally not having much free will at all (gracelet followed by possession back to back), the story essentially bulletproofs him from having to be anything but a noble, good hero who simply can’t help but just have Hell and Earth constantly hurtling toward him. This goodness also hinders the story as well because James is simply too good, too noble, too innocent to be anything else but a victim by virtue of his treatment by the narrative. The way his goodness is preyed on constantly and the way he is just mainly reactive to the whole situation is quite
 bland. And moreover, the other characters spin around him like he’s the sun, which, as I noted in a previous ask, makes for weak character development as you can’t fricking blow up the sun. He’s fixed in his own orbit as actions in the form of comets bounce off him. Nothing that happens and that has a negative legacy for the other characters actually manages to touch James as he becomes an increasingly passive actor in a story that is fundamentally founded on him. On top of James being, quite obviously, the perfect gentleman and husband and also being obscenely rich, fortunate, and privileged, it feels like he was robbed of the opportunity to be anything less than ideal by the way the narrative puppeteered him.
We know James Herondale always felt like he was “not cursed, but damned” and was “destined to walk among thorns and flowers”. The setup for The Last Hours in the prequel short stories was dark, and we all know Cassie was about to end off this series in a very sinister way. I won’t ramble on about that last point too much, but I do wonder if James was originally supposed to be characterized with way more darkness within him (at least, more than the amount of darkness that I'm expecting), which would lend to a very interesting contrast between his idyllic family and upbringing and whatever “damnation” he felt lived within his soul. I also wonder if simply not characterizing James like this was Cassie’s way of making sure that she didn’t taint Will and Tessa’s legacy directly and didn’t undo Wessa’s Happily Ever After. Regardless, the narrative coddles James (and Lucie, and Cordelia) and strips him of any complexity or dubiousness when, in my opinion, the foundation was laid for something exactly like that.
(N.B. Jem is kind of like this too... ish. It doesn’t really bother me, as Jem was supposed to be a foil for Will but also because Jem simply never got everything his wanted, and definitely not when he wanted it.)
Concluding Thoughts
Now let’s get something straight: As a romantic lead, James Herondale is excellent. I thought his enduring love for Cordelia and the way he exemplified the idea that goodness can literally break apart the forces of Hell was amazing as a core theme in the story, and I am so fond of my annotations for all his scenes with Cordelia, because I can barely think of anyone who deserves that kind of love and joy by the Epilogue of ChoT. But the way Cassie wrote James implies a character that is so pure, innocent, and well loved, that all he can be is the hurt prince, a target because of these very qualities, someone who sometimes does things like shoot a gun
 a gun that he literally gives up by the end of the story anyway. James is warm, kind, brilliant, strong and big on loyalty. But
 what did James Henry Morgan Herondale really do in The Last Hours besides serve whatever purpose the book absolutely needed him to, be beautiful, and destroy at least one (1) doorknob on a certain warm, passionate night?
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tadpolesonalgae · 8 months ago
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“maybe it’ll turn out to be a wonderful meal they all bond over đŸ„łâ€
now tabby, you know damn well

anyways, thinking about the next chapter, and there’s something i’d like to chime in on. when i was 14, i attempted suicide, and for me, being around family make me super uncomfortable, to the point where when i was around them and they were asking me questions i’d just go non-verbal. like full on armadillo into myself, under a table, refusing to say or do anything. i feel like reader and i are SUPER alike (or at least i used to be super like her) so i think it’d be interesting to see what here reaction will be when she’s surrounded by everyone at a family dinner, essentially forced to socialize. i’d also like to say that in the immediate few weeks after i was let out of the hospital, i was sort of hot and cold with how i was feeling. like one day i’d wake up feeling like death itself was sitting on my chest, but then the next, i’d be awake at 6am, hop out of bed, and immediately start doing things to better myself. and on some of those days, i’d do and say reckless things (i’m like 95% sure i was basically just manic). one time, relatively soon after the incident, i was being lectured by my dad about schoolwork and i snapped and called him an asshole straight to his face; something i NEVER would have done before, and everyone in the family was just in shock because everyone, including myself, had never expected me to act in such a way. immediately after i said it though, i reverted back to my usual self and ran away and hid under a table locked in my room and didn’t speak to anything for a while after that. i guess the point i’m trying to make here is; suicide attempts can do weird things to people’s emotions, everything has essentially come bubbling to the surface, so i’d sort of like to see reader acting in a few unexpected ways. i don’t want a 180 degree spin on her character, i just want some of those unexpected snaps to come out. like i could totally see mor saying something vaguely bitchy-ish and reader saying “oh fuck you” on instinct or something, completely blindsiding everyone at the table, even herself, and essentially breaking down and reverting back to her timid manner immediately after like “oh my gosh i’m so sorry i don’t know where that came from”
anyways, yah, i love the story, you’re doing such a great job expressing everyone’s emotions, like the whole situation is just super nuanced and you’re doing a great job at showing it, i truly just love your writing <3
-🌁
‘now tabby, you know damn well
’
đŸ«ŁđŸ˜­đŸ˜­đŸ˜­
I have no idea why anyone would be concerned about what could unfold over a family dinner with Mor and reader sat so close to one another
‘to the point where when i was around them and they were asking me questions i’d just go non-verbal.’
Okay, first of all, I am so sorry you ever had to experience a low like that and you have all my respect and any warmth I can offer for managing to make it through to where you are now, I can’t begin to imagine how difficult it was to get past that and live, but I’m happy you’ve made it to now and will continue onwards 🧡💛
Second of all though, I wanted to mention that I haven’t heard anyone else experience the silence like that? I think fourteen is also hands down the worst age to be for a lot of people for some reason, and while mine was from anxiety and not depression, similar moments happened? Just kind of shutting down in social situations specifically around family and being unable to respond? I do wonder if it’s some kind of coping mechanism, or a form a dissociation to distance oneself from the present to feel safer?
‘i’d also like to say that in the immediate few weeks after i was let out of the hospital, i was sort of hot and cold with how i was feeling.’
Even in day-to-day life, I have to admit I find it strange how swiftly emotions can change? Or even just waking up in a bad mood that you can’t shake no matter how many hot meals you have, or how clean your room is, or how many showers you take? And it just kind of clings to you, waiting for something bad to happen? It’s so unhelpful and difficult to cope with so I’m sorry you had to go through those likely turbulent emotions :/
‘(i’m like 95% sure i was basically just manic)’
So was it similar to rapidly swinging between depressive and manic episodes? I mean, to an extent I could see why after having been through such intense emotions that it would take a while to begin feeling semi-like yourself again?
‘i guess the point i’m trying to make here is; suicide attempts can do weird things to people’s emotions, everything has essentially come bubbling to the surface, so i’d sort of like to see reader acting in a few unexpected ways.’
I agree with emotions becoming pretty volatile and unpredictable after a suicide attempt from a logical standpoint, however I would like to say(?) theorise(?) I feel like those ‘snappy’ moments weirdly tend to come out around people you’re close with, so I couldn’t see it happening with Mor? That being said, I do have some ideas in mind for some stuff that relates to these slightly out-of-the-blue behaviours
‘anyways, yah, i love the story, you’re doing such a great job expressing everyone’s emotions, like the whole situation is just super nuanced and you’re doing a great job at showing it, i truly just love your writing <3’
I really appreciate your reassurance, but I do hope it isn’t bringing up any bad memories for you :/
Obviously there are heavy spots in the story, and inevitably I think because emotions can manifest in different ways in different people, there might be some parts that resonate with you, while others that seem strange or out of character, but I hope that for the most part the story is fairly fluid and maybe (I’m hoping) for some people it may turn out to something to find some semblance of comfort in? Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself though 🧡💛
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lostusagis · 3 months ago
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@jiraipink asked:
đ‡đšđ©đ©đČ đ‡đšđ„đ„đšđ°đžđžđ§!!! 🎃
Bzzzzzzt!
"Coming~!" The buzzer sounds off from her apartment and she rushes to the door excited at the thought that it's Kamui who has arrived. Unfortunately, she was in for a trick rather than a treat. When she opens the door, her beaming grin very quickly takes a complete 180. "EEYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!" There's a fake spider hanging from her door; the string attached the toy taped at the top of the door frame. Face in horror, she hears a couple of guys laughing their asses off from a distance peeking out from their apartment room with sounds of a party going on in there. Her racing heart slowly calming down now that she knows it's fake after giving it an experimental poke. Namida's blood boils and she yanks the toy off (SQUEAK) and she throws it at one of the guys' stupid face who was holding a cup of alcohol that he ended up spilling on his shoes. She may not be strong, but she has good aim! "ENJOY YOUR WET SOCKS, BITCH!" And a foul mouth! She then closes the door and huffs in annoyance as she tidies up the decorations she put up. She should've looked through the peep hole first. When she hears the buzzer again, THIS TIME she remembers to check and- GASP! She immediately opens the door and embraces her most beloved visitor. "Kamuiiiiiiii~!" She hugs him tightly for a while, before finally letting go and her grin is shining like it always does when Kamui shows up. This time, with pointy fangs! "Happy Halloween, Mui~!" Her mood is very clearly back to being up again. "Eheheh~! How do you like my costume?"
Namida had done a photoshoot advertising an event a while back and she was allowed to keep the outfit as her Halloween costume. Naruko, AKA Nyaruko, was aware of Namida's modeling thing she does for Dark Girly Kei fashion, so she thought it was a good idea to have Namida model for a costume and well she likes Namida! Nyaruko was in charge of a Halloween-themed haunted attraction event based off of the popular horror game franchise "Silent Hill." It's taking place at an anime cosplaying convention. OF COURSE Nyaruko would be into that nerdy stuff. It's really no shocker, considering the way she talks and her favorite cat ears accessory she never seems to take off. She and her friends created their own vision of a story for their haunted house and they absolutely HAVE to add those creepy nurses you'd see in Silent Hill. They're a recurring type of monster and staple to the beloved series, well-known and important, and Nyaruko thought it'd be a cool idea to dress up and scare/invite people to the fright event and invited Namida to be one of the nurse monsters alongside her. The nurses are visually similar across the series and share many common traits, so Nyaruko and her friends came up with their own version. A bloody vampire nurse!
"I was invited by Naruko, you know the cat girl who's also a rental girlfriend, to be one of the nurse monsters in her haunted house thing and I did a photoshoot advertising the event so that's why I have this costume since she let me keep it." She leads Kamui inside and shuts the door behind them. There's Halloween decorations everywhere. The lights were off and the only ones that were keeping her apartment lit in pretty orange and purple colors where the string lights hanged up all around. There's also a My Melody boombox playing Halloween music. "Eheheh. Do you remember when she was the one that caused us to be trapped in a closet together?" Nyaruko was sort of PART of the reason these two got closer. She's also the one that always felt like they liked each other or were perfect for each other. Even now, she continues to show support in her own mischievous/teasing ways. As well as the only coworker she knows that genuinely cares about Namida. She felt bad about turning her down. Usually, she wouldn't feel bad for turning down an invitation to something someone wanted her to attend to, but Nyaruko has slowly made her way into Namida's soft spot. Perhaps maybe... Even thinking about being friends? She fidgeted with her white lacey gloves covered in fake spots of blood. "I ended up telling her I can't go, because well..." A pink shade of blush warms up her cheeks when shyly smiling up at Kamui. "I want to spend my time on Halloween with you and Kagura." Especially Kamui; if the batting of her dreamy googoo eyes at him wasn't obvious enough. Kamui and Kagura are so funny when together though, so she was also looking forward to watching them in amusement, but also looking out for them should she intervene in their spats. She can't help it when her older sister instincts kick in.
There was a delayed reaction to how long she had been staring at Kamui all lovey-dovey, but when she did snap out of it and realized what was happening, Namida quickly turns around to walk towards the kitchen clearing her throat. "U-Um! So I made you and Kagura something!" There were two handmade Halloween gift baskets: one for Kamui and one for Kagura. It included a bunch of chocolates and candy she bought, but there was also a homemade chocolate shaped like a chibi Kamui and chibi Kagura she did herself. "Here ya go~! Some yummy treats for you!... Or maybe it's a trick? Maaaaaybe I added mayonnaise filling inside one of them~" She says with a sly wink, before giggling at her own teasing. "Just kidding!... Or am I?" What is Halloween without a little scare when eating your candy someone gives you? Well, there's nothing to worry about. It IS true she added filling in the homemade chocolates, but it's not mayonnaise. She's not EVIL! For example, Namida had filled Kamui's special chibi chocolate with strawberry filling. "Oh by the way! Did you see Kagura's video on Twitter? The one with the summoning of Beetlejuice, Candyman and Bloody Mary? Even though nothing happened, I still think Bloody Mary would've won that fight.... Oh! Also look at this!"
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Namida excitedly hurries into the living room with a big smile on her face. She REALLY wanted him to see what she's done. "Ta-daaaaa~!" She Will Smith poses at the coffee table all proudly. Three pumpkin carvings, each with a candle lit inside of them, of Kamui Namida and Kagura. She still gets a little embarrassed about her artwork, since she knows they tend to look childish, but at least they're cute right?!... Please say they're cute. Her lacey gloved finger scratches at her cheek as she shyly smiles. "I-I did my best and I-I think they look cute! Well, we can always do pumpkin carving together too! I have so much activities we can do here so this party for three doesn't bore you and Kagura. I have to be a good host for my precious guests! I totally forgot that Apple Bobbing was a thing and honestly I'm really curious to see which hungry Yato has the quickest and strongest bite to win~!" There's many things the three of them could do to make this night last and be fun. Like she had set up Apple Bobbing, pumpkin carving/painting, horror movies they could pick and watch, playing Lights On Lights Off, etc. There's a ton of ideas running through her mind to make the Yato siblings happy. She was fixing up Kamui's pumpkin a little with the carving knife until she heard the buzzer... and it caused Namida to accidentally prick her finger. A small drop of blood landing on the Kamui pumpkin; as if it were the final touch of her masterpiece to create an accurate representation. "Ow!" She removes the glove and shakes her head chuckling. "Eheheh. Funny how I have fake blood all over my outfit and now I'm actually bleeding. Geez. Uh! Could you get the door for me, Mui? It must be Kagura! I'll go and wash this off."
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The only reason Kamui even dressed up was because of constant pestering from his little sister. So, he just went with a serial killer costume. One, because he could wear blood on his clothes and not be questioned if he had committed actual murder, two, he could carry around a knife. The knife was real. Kamui had also decided to not have his hair braided for tonight either. Although, more importantly, he was dying to see what kind of costume Namida was going to wear.
He'd press the buzzer to her apartment, waiting for her to open up. When Namida does, he was immediately embraced. Kamui wasn't complaining at all, hugging her back tightly. He lets out a happy sigh, feeling all the stress leave his body from her affection alone. ''Glad to see you. ♡'' When she pulled away from the hug, he'd see her costume and it was pretty hard to pry his eyes away. Hues of blue looking her over, seeing her look amazing in her costume. Blood looked really nice on her.
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''You look really beautiful, but that's not much of a surprise. I think your costume is the best out of every one I've seen on the way here.'' He smiled, acting like he wasn't completely biased solely because he liked everything about her. ''Hold on... are those fangs real?'' Kamui leaned in close, looking at her fangs curiously. He's seen various amanto with ACTUAL fangs, so... he wasn't sure if by some weird possibility, humans could grow them too. Kamui didn't know them all that well after all, Namida was the only one who actually seemed interesting outside of fighting. ''Hahaha, well you look nice with them!'' He laughs, then goes right inside with Namida.
When he saw all the decorations in her apartment, Kamui looked pretty amazed. She always went above and beyond, ''This looks really cool.'' He couldn't help commenting that when looking at her decorations, like an impressed little boy practically. She was really creative. Although, Namida speaking about Naruko led him to look confused. He hadn't the slightest idea who that was, or rather he hadn't cared enough to remember. He didn't care about any of the rental girlfriends, except Namida. Why would he? Although, it did click who the hell Naruko was once the incident with being trapped in the closet was brought up.
''Oh, her.'' Kamui scowled, sounding just a bit too spiteful. Although, thinking about it now, being trapped in a closet with Namida at this point in time, might end a lot differently. He still didn't like some annoying person doing that out of nowhere though, plus it was when he was feeling weak too, and couldn't just break out. Didn't Namida also get mad at him and stopped talking to him too during that? Well, it was a long time ago. They were best friends now. Actually, now that he thought about it.... that whole situation did kind of lead to them being best friends. Kamui, however, still didn't like that cat girl.
''I remember that yeah. . . .'' Kamui kind of forced a smile while saying that, not too happy reminiscing about that time. He was happy when she admits to wanting to spend with him and his sister on Halloween. His features would brighten up finding her adorable. The way she looked at him definitely made his chest fill with warmth. ''Hey Namida, you're kind of tempting me to kiss you right now, you know? But Kagura might be here soon, so I'm trying to control myself. ♡'' He never actually manages to control himself though, it was all just a farce. The smirk he was wearing proved that much. He easily noticed the lingering stare she was giving him too, and couldn't help but be amused. Kamui didn't really mind, but he'd likely tease her about it.
''Ooooh, always so generous, huh? Maybe I should eat Kagura's before she gets here.'' Was he joking? Likely not. He always went to Gintoki's apartment to eat all the food after all, including stuff Kagura had for herself. Kamui went ahead and took his basket looking through the stuff inside. Immediately he started eating some of the candy. He came across the strawberry filled ones, ''Sooo tasty. Love this. ♡'' Glee fills his face, not the least bit disappointed. Then seeing the chocolate chibi version of himself, he wondered how she was so talented. It was really incredible.
''Although, I hope you're just messing with me about the mayonnaise filled ones. That sounds really gross.'' He gives a bit of a weirded out look, seeing her laugh when teasing him.
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Kamui liked different food combinations, and would eat almost anything. But chocolate and mayonnaise was an exception for obvious reasons. He'll just.... leave the rest of the chocolates alone for now. Since, he seemed to have been lucky to not encounter any of the mayonnaise filled ones so far.
''Also yeah, but isn't that stuff fake? It wasn't gonna work anyway, right?'' Kagura posted a lot of stupid videos on twitter, he does occasionally watch them when they seemed interesting. Then makes fun of her in the replies. Kamui looked over at the pumpkins Namida brought to his intention, and looked in awe. ''Wow, this actually... does look really.... cute.''
He couldn't help but chuckle, soon taking out his phone to take a picture of all three of them. It was something to preserve since pumpkins didn't exactly last forever. ''I gotta keep this. ♡'' The flash goes off as he happily snapped his picture. He'd likely post it online later.
''I've actually never done either of those things, since I hadn't been to Earth much until I started visiting Kagura. . . . So, I'd love to try it out with you two.'' He wasn't against learning new things, he wasn't exactly the most knowledgeable on the more minor activities people do during Earth holidays. Namida helped him grow more interested in learning too. He wanted to know about the things she celebrated, and what made her happy. Kamui would be happy sharing those experiences with her.
''Hey actually-'' He goes up to Namida, his arm wrapped around her waist pulling her closer to him as he holds up his phone. ''How about a picture to remember today, with just the two of us? ♡'' He grins then snaps the picture with her. Whether he admits to it or not, he was sentimental, and liked preserving memories with people important to him. They could take one with Kagura too later. Although afterwards, he'd watch as she went to fix up the pumpkin of him and ended up pricking her finger. The pumpkin version of him was definitely more accurate now.
He had stopped her, grabbing her hand. ''Hey, let me see your finger first. Kagura could wait.'' Kamui's hand was gentle when handling her, careful to not be too rough in any way. He had looked at the bead of blood at her fingertip, it wasn't that much thankfully. Although, he hadn't actually thought before his next action which was licking off the blood, also putting just the tip of her finger where the prick was, into his mouth too. Kamui didn't think anything of it, since that's usually what he did when handling slight cuts, and pricks on his own fingers. It wasn't until Kamui was sure the bleeding stopped that he ceased.
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''Look at that, the bleeding stopped. Hahaha.''
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starrbright · 8 months ago
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NO BCCC imagine your period came the night before you, makki, and mattsun had to hang out and go to iwaizumi’s birthday party (totally not saying this bc his birthday is in two days đŸ«Ł)
anyways you guys are all suppose to go to his surprise birthday party but obvs Mother Nature said heyyy time for your monthly organ shedding and the symptoms that come with it soooo you cramp all night and don’t get any sleep. you’re sleep deprived, irritated, in pain and not in the mood to go out. you just wanna rot in bed the whole day. you finally get the energy to atleast take a shower but obvs it’s like the afternoon now so you’re two pair of besties come to your apartment to get ready for the birthday boy’s party preparations.
you trust them enough to have keys to your apartment so they come in unannounced and hear that you’re in the shower so they wait for you to finish up. by the time your done with your shower and get into a new, fresh pair of comfy clothes, you walk to your living room and are startled when you want see the tall pair of menaces sitting on your couch all sprawled out like they were in their own house.
“what are you wearing we’re suppose to —“
you clear your throat and they both look up from their phones.
—-
GIRLLL WHAT AM I DOING?? IM WRITING A WHOLE FICT RNNN THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE CONCISE AND TO THE POINT SKSKS
anyways let me get to the plot.
they ask you why are you wearing your house clothes when you should be ready to go help them finish up preparations for the surprise party but you tell them that they should go without you and you will apologize profusely to iwa bc you just aren’t in the mood to go out today. they look at you like?? that’s not a valid excuse but then in the middle of your ranting you get a sharp stomach pain and you double down and clutch at your tummy. since both issei and takahiro have sisters they already know what’s happening.
“oh so that explains why you 180’d. valid. you took any pain meds for them?” the raven haired man questioned.
“ran out. couldn’t get anything since the stores were closed. I have been miserable since last night.”
you sat on the floor and huffed out trying to think of anything other than the current pain you were feeling.
“explains why you look like shit” the strawberry blonde rang in.
“fuck you”
hanamaki lets out a hearty laugh.
“we could help you out ya know?”
—
you wonder how the fuck you got and were convinced into this position. every thought felt mushy and your body felt like it was on fire. your limbs felt tired but somehow you were still able to move whenever they commanded you.
hiro was currently fucking into you at an insane pace. you were trying to keep up with what was going on, but the pleasure and sleep deprivation was catching up to you first.
“quit hogging her, it’s my turn now.” he scolds his best friend.
smirking the tall, ex middle blocker quips
“had hiro prep you for a bit bc I don’t think you could have taken me first. even with your blood serving as some kind of lube, it still wouldn’t be enough to me to fit in baby. tell you what? how about I take this pain for nine months huh? you don’t have to worry about your uterus throwing a tantrum next month after I’m done with you.”
[sorry to cut it short but I’ve been sooo out of the writing game I feel like this could turn bad 😭.. also I’m bad at writing smut. SOBS] anyways here’s something? idk đŸ„č
[in actually this is bad. STARRR IM SO SORRY 😣 ]
oh wow.....
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whyd you cut off issei?!??
see this is what i meant when i said flood my inbox đŸ€­đŸ™đŸŒHWJHDWHDHWHWHHSILOVEYOUILOVETHISLMAOOO
mattsun horsecock iktrđŸ’ŻđŸ—ŁïžđŸ’„ need his babies in me, IMMEDIATELY. Urgh, makkiđŸ„°đŸ„°đŸ„°đŸ˜š
i cannot read this properly without giggling and rolling on my bed
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