#i was asked to think about the importance of family in my writing workshop the other day and it rubbed me the wrong way

[areyoudoingthis]

we need to stop talking about family and go back to the idea of community. even well meaning people go "the importance of family this and family that" and it's like do you realize that for entire groups of us family is where we were rejected, or downright abused?? why would we want to look at family beyond the need to process our trauma? (which a lot of us choose to do in private and in a safe space like therapy).

community is where we find a sense of belonging, people who support and love us, who care about our wellbeing, who celebrate with us or pick us up from hospital or tell us they're proud of us or help us deal with every day stuff. entire societies were built around the notion of community before the curse of the nuclear family was invented, and they had it so right

[prodagustd]

the road not taken 03 | myg

part three: four seconds

Summary: If you wanted to stop thinking about Yoongi, the first step was as easy as stop seeing him, but why it seemed like he was following everywhere you went?

<part two | part four>

—pairing: lawyer!yoongi x actress!oc

—rating: +18

—genre: brother's best friend, one sided pinning (or both?)

—warnings/tags: slow burn,angst, fluff, eventual smut, angst, sexual tension!!!!! flashbacks, ANGST!! Btw english is not my first language !!

—words: 11k

—a/note: HERE IT ISSSSSSSS!!! I'm sosososos sorry for taking so long, but it is finally here!! I swear I will try and update monthly from now on, but enjoy this for now!! It has a lot of backstory so I hope you enjoy it. btw these last months I've been going to a poetry workshop so I was on fire writing this (ok maybe not since I took so long to finish it lmao). As always feedback is always welcomed, and if you want to discuss this part in the asks you're welcomed as well!! ilyyyy

series masterlist | teaser | playlist

Present 

When Yoongi turned thirteen, your mother promised to bake a Batman cake as a gift for his birthday party. You had a clear memory of sitting at the counter the day before the party as she decorated the cake with yellow icing that tasted like just like bananas, and the next day when Yoongi gave you the first piece of cake you remembered thinking it was the best thing you’ve ever tasted. A few years ago, when Yoongi turned twenty three, you asked him if he remembered the taste of that cake, and, as he smoked what he swore it would be the last cigarette of his life, he said that he did not. At that time you asked him how it was possible that he didn’t remember the taste of some cake your mom made ten years ago, how was it possible that information of such importance had gone unnoticed? Looking back, you could say that it was not Yoongi’s fault, maybe you were the only one holding onto memories and he was as forgetful as everyone else. After all, Yoongi forgot he promised he would quit smoking that very same night, he would smoke his last cigarette only a year later, but even to this day you couldn’t forget the taste of that cake. 

You were just beginning to realize you were condemned to be one of those people who just remembered. Like your aunt, who knew all the birthdays and all the deathdays, all your cousins’ first words, including yours, and was often caught reminiscing every detail of the day she met her husband thirty springs ago. Maybe it was in the family, and it was only a matter of time until you started speaking memories instead of words, so you tried to stop it, but they lived in your mind regardless if you decided to stop mentioning them out loud or not. 

Like the perfume of your granddad that he only wore on Christmas, or the way blood and tears tasted the day you broke your teeth when you were eight and tried to play basketball with Yoongi and Simon but tripped. You sobbed like a baby, but Yoongi hugged you so tight that you forgot you were going to be toothless for the following month. 

You collected the memories, the words, the smell and the taste, you held them close to your heart, stuck in your chest with a stake, forced to remember everything while everyone around you just forgot. And you didn’t complain, you couldn’t,  why would you? Life was like that, happening in front of you as you stood in front of the body length mirror in your mother’s room, as you closed your eyes and tried to remember the yellow icing in Yoongi’s birthday cake, it happened in front of you as you tried to avoid it. You knew you had to stop lingering in the past when all those details, all those colors, and all those memories began to turn against you. Like every January, when your mind reminded you that your body was still stuck in the freezing cold of the morning you decided to leave home four years ago. 

That morning, when you decided to go see Yoongi five days into the new year because he had barely texted you since the last day you saw him, January 2nd, when he received the news from his aunt that his mother had an accident during their trip. You walked to his apartment instead of driving because you didn’t think it was that cold, but you were immediately proven wrong when your hands started to get frozen and your feet began to hurt as you walked in the snow, but that didn’t stop you. He said he was going to be home for a second to grab some stuff and then come back to the hospital, where his mom was, so you were expecting the look of surprise on his face when he saw you at the door, what you weren’t expecting was the way he was hesitating to let you in. You remembered the things he did and the things he said that day like they were engraved in your memory, but mostly the way he was looking at you, like he wanted to run away, from you? from his life? You still didn’t know, all you knew is that after that you had no other option than to turn around and walk away. 

When you thought about it for too long you could still feel the way the snow lingered all the way home in your clothes and hair, how it stayed on the sole of your shoes for the following years, how your tears froze in your cheeks because you refused to wipe them away. Sometimes you woke up in the middle of the night and could still feel the snow running down your back, making you wonder if winter was still chasing you. 

Inside your body it had been winter for so long that your heart seemed to be completely frozen ever since you left home, only now that you were back you realized that perhaps autumn was not warm enough to heal your heart. 

That was not the last time you saw Yoongi, but you believed it was the last time you decided to talk to him, the last time you allowed yourself to even lay eyes on him. 

You wished you could find peace for at least a moment, but it seemed that you had to work hard for it, it was getting tiring to remember that you were the one who caused the chaos that was your life, and now you were the one who had to fix it: your mother, your brother, Ian and Sally, and even your public image. Doing the last button of your white shirt you asked the universe: why couldn’t those be all your problems? You swore to the man in the sky that if he sent you all your problems in the form of a giant monster you were willing to fight it, only if he could stop you from seeing Yoongi tonight.  

Perhaps you should stay in your mom’s room tonight, not attending dinner was okay, your mom made that clear, but at the same time you were twenty five years old now, you couldn’t keep acting like an angry teenager who decided to skip dinner. You knew that it wasn’t going to make things better, but at least seeing your brother was going to make you feel normal, and that was the only reason you decided to set foot outside the room when you heard the bell ring. 

Four years ago. 

Two weeks before New Year’s Eve.

You should’ve known that it would be useless to stop thinking about what happened a week ago the minute you woke up in the same bed as Yoongi, but you still tried. You tried, and tried, and tried in countless ways, like for example, when you tried to watch a whole season of The Office in one sitting, or when you listened your mom rant about some turkish drama she was watching, or when Minnie texted a few days ago and you let her talk about that job she mentioned that night until you fell asleep. And then, you agreed to meet her for a coffee and she talked non stop about the same open audition four hours away in the city.

You were not sure if she was beginning to convince you or you were just desperately trying to stop thinking about Yoongi, you thought the only logical explanation for both theories was that you were about to go crazy. 

But if you were being honest to yourself, you couldn’t help but be interested in it. Minnie pitched the job like a gothic dramatic love story, which sounded just like something you would love. She also said it wasn’t a super big play, but it wasn’t small either, and it was pretty well paid. Minnie mentioned she knew the producers and the director and could put on a good word for you. 

“Why don’t you do it, then?” You had asked her, not being sure if you would do the same thing for someone who didn’t talk to you in years. “And why me?”

“Oh, well, I don’t know if it’s my style and… I’m not sure if I’m ready to leave home yet.” She replied with a nostalgic tone in her voice. “And why not you? I don’t know anyone who can pull it off, and you appeared in front of my eyes. Must be a sign.”

You couldn’t understand the first thing, how adamant she was to stay here, as much as you tried to see the world through her eyes, you couldn’t, a few years ago you took the first chance to get out of here and didn’t look back. But sitting there, at the small table next to the window, it wasn’t difficult to tell which one of you two looked more happy (hint: it wasn’t you). Minnie was different, she was still working at The Alley, she loved it there and wasn’t willing to let it go yet. 

The second thing, you couldn’t understand either, but it made sense for her to do it. Being kind was natural for Minnie, she didn’t hold grudges, and you weren’t sure if you deserved that kindness. She waved away all your concerns, your whens and whys and hows, she kept repeating the same words; “it must be a sign”, “it’s clearly meant to be”, and you just laughed and tried to not to think about Yoongi. And it worked for a while, because on the way home you allowed yourself to fantasize about it for at least ten minutes. Moving to the city and working there for weeks and weeks and maybe months or years, and not having to pretend you were someone else. But the minute you entered your house you were reminded of what you were trying to forget. 

The memory kept sneaking in your mind, just like Yoongi sneaked in your bed that night. The image of his hooded eyes, his pink lips and the reminder that nothing really happened kept wandering inside your head.

That night you entered the house giggling like babies and when both of you were changed and ready to sleep you got under the covers, not thinking whether it was right or wrong. And yes, your bed was big enough for you and him, but your arms and legs still slightly touched during the whole night, and when you woke up your feet where tangled with each other, leaving you wondering if you were stupid for thinking something had changed between the two of you, or maybe the way he looked at you when he opened his eyes was just your twisted imagination.

Yes, you were probably crazy when you thought he was looking at you differently when you made him breakfast, like you promised. You were crazy for thinking it felt like you were in a different universe when you sat in the kitchen island the whole morning and then found Nightmare Before Christmas on tv and discussed if it was a Christmas or a Hallowen movie on the couch. 

And then, of course, he left, bringing you back to reality. But then during the week he came back, and then left again, and came back again. You knew you had to kick him out, you knew it was for the best to make up an excuse and say you were busy, but this time he promised to get your car repaired, so you let him take you to his uncle’s garage. 

Yoongi’s uncle was nowhere to be found today, but Namjoon, Yoongi’s friend, was in charge, although he wasn’t very happy with people being loud while he was working. By the time Namjoon established he didn’t want any of you there at the garage, you had already decided you were staying.

You knew Namjoon ever since he started working with Yoongi’s uncle, he was a tall and big guy with a shy smile, he wore glasses and read books, he was funny and smart and you knew that he had more more than one girl waiting for him to text them back, and for some reason, despite being really handsome, and really cute, and really tall… he was still single. Not that you cared, of course, you were interested in… other people…You still allowed yourself to admire him, like when you watched that Turkish drama with your mom because you were trying not to think of Yoongi and the lead actor helped a lot with it. 

Now you were there, sitting on top of some dirty table next to a bunch of tools you couldn’t name, trying to keep silent when Namjoon scolded you again. 

Yoongi was very good at ignoring him, he pretended he didn’t listen to his friend as he leaned towards you, talking really close to your ear. “Should I give your grandma a Christmas present?” He asked, half joking, half serious. “You know, so she’s in a good mood.”

You turned to him, raising an eyebrow. “A bottle of klonopin, maybe.” You said, making Namjoon scoff loudly. 

He turned around, now interested in the conversation, looking at you both. “Why do you want to give her grandma a Christmas present?” He asked, confused. One of the reasons why Namjoon didn’t like people talking while he was working was because he was easily distracted, when he was interested in the topic he didn’t seem too annoyed.

Yoongi turned around to face him, deciding his friend was there all of a sudden. “I’m spending Christmas with her family next week.” He explained, being kind enough to forget that Namjoon explicitly told him to shut the fuck up about twenty minutes ago. “But she’s a bit moody.” 

That was one way to describe your grandmother, the other one was to say she was a complete witch.

“Yeah, Yoongi invited himself.” You teased him, instantly feeling one of his fingers digging into your rib, making you jump. 

Namjoon quietly observed the scene like something he wasn’t supposed to watch, with his mouth hung open ready to say something, but his mind was still searching for words. You suspected that Yoongi’s answer left him with more doubts that he had to begin with.  

“Really?” He managed to say, curious. “I didn’t know you two were… like that.” Namjoon cautiously started the sentence, but didn’t dare to finish it in case he was wrong, although the scene you were making was clearly making him believe he was right.

You jumped in your seat, opening your eyes widely as you understood what he was implying. “Oh, no.” You rushed to say, waving your hands in the air. 

“No, not like that.” Yoongi talked at the same time as you, crossing looks as if you were reassuring each other of it. His eyes were as open as yours, shaking his head trying to deny the accusation. “My mom is not here until the first week of January.” He explained, making Namjoon nod, still confused at your nervous reactions. “So I’m alone at Christmas.” 

Yoongi looked at you, giving a look that meant “it makes sense, right?” and yes, of course it made sense. You and Yoongi had spent Christmas together before, he knew your whole family since he was a kid, he grew up with Simon, he was family too, it made sense, but Namjoon’s implication made both of you jump in your seats, talking over each other as you laughed nervously. 

“So all of you three are spending Christmas together?” Namjoon continued to ask, trying to understand the conversation again. “You two and Simon?”

There was a beat of silence in the room, but you were quick to answer. “Simon is spending Christmas with his girlfriend, so we're on our own.” 

Namjoon nodded again, trying not to think too much about it. “So Simon is okay with you keeping all his gifts?” He tried to joke, but the answer only sounded worse. 

You looked at Yoongi, but he was looking at his shoes, avoiding Namjoon’s eyes. Neither of you bothered to mention to Simon that you were spending Christmas together, was it really necessary? Why was Namjoon making it sound like it was necessary for him to know? Why did you feel the need to explain to him that it wasn’t weird at all that you were spending Christmas together alone? You weren’t alone after all, there was your mom, and your grandmother, your aunt and some of your cousins too, I mean, you’ll have to share the room, of course, but- wait… You had to share the room. You forgot about that.

Oh my God… Simon couldn’t find out about that. 

You were quick to suppress the thought, agreeing with yourself to handle that matter later, but right now Namjoon was looking at you like he expected an answer. You quickly realized that Namjoon was just as noisy as you. 

“Oh, he doesn’t need to know.” You said, brushing it off, but your mind was already in chaos.

Present 

You were never really interested in astrology, you tried to get into it a few years ago only to understand what Minnie was saying since she talked about it most of the time, but you ended up being too skeptical to believe in anything. You didn’t believe in God, or in astrology and you weren’t even sure if you could call yourself an atheist completely, but you were still curious. Early in life you realized you were agnostic, (you were aware that you sounded like a pretentious man on a first date when you said it out loud), but you still asked every person you met their star signs in case they matched with their personalities, as if you were still trying to prove yourself wrong. 

You didn’t know if the universe was right or wrong, but if you were sure about something, it was that Simon was a Leo. Not only because he was born on the first of August, but because he fitted in every category of a Leo. He was charming and confident, outgoing, he was a natural leader and people always felt drawn to him, making him a little bit… self centered. 

Like every other Leo, Simon loved his birthday, that was the only reason why you were thinking about it. Two months ago, the first of August, you called him on his birthday like every sister calls her brother on his birthday. You could’ve just sent a message like the past year, but your life was already beginning to feel suffocating. Talking to Simon seemed to ease your heart for a while. He wanted to talk to you about his job at the firm and his girlfriend, the cat they adopted, how they were planning to move to a bigger apartment the following year and asked when you thought it was a great time to propose. You needed to feel like something was in place, like your relationship with Simon was normal, like he could tell you anything and you could listen and just laugh. It worked for the first ten minutes, until he inevitably brought up the topic of his birthday party, and he inevitably invited you, and you inevitably had to say no. 

You missed Simon, you missed your mom, you missed your bed and your home, but you weren’t ready to come back, you weren’t ready to see the thousand faces you left behind, you were still hesitant to come back. Now you were there, tense at the end of the stairs because the disappointed tone on his voice lingered in your mind to this day. 

Some voice in your head was telling you that it was what adults do, take responsibility for their actions, seeing people even if you preferred not to see them because that was what grown ups do. You were supposed to be an adult of twenty five years old, even if you felt like you never grew out of that bitter phase only teenagers go through, you were still an adult, so why did you feel like a kid at the end of the stairs, waiting for Simon to lay eyes on you?

Your mom hugged him tightly like she hadn’t seen him in months, and when he pulled away from her grip he noticed you, coming down the stairs as you realized that he, like your mom, wasn’t expecting to see you today.

Simon frowned, surprised, but just a second later a smile took over his face  “Hey, you.” He said, opening his wide arms, offering you a hug. “What are you doing here?”

You took a deep breath, almost turning around to check if he was talking to another person behind you, but no, he was talking to you. He grabbed your wrists, pulling you closer to hug you the same way your mom was hugging him a moment ago. “Is this not my house?” You murmured against the fabric of his blue sweater, feeling your heart hammering against your ribcage as you tried to make a joke.

“Of course it is.” He just said, leaving a kiss on your hair.

Four years ago. 

Two weeks before New Year’s Eve. 

If you wanted to stop thinking about Yoongi, the first step was as easy as stop seeing him, because your mind was not helping at all. 

After leaving his uncle’s garage you should’ve gone home to start thinking a way of telling Yoongi that he couldn’t sleep in the same bedroom as you on Christmas, you needed to think of an excuse for why he should sleep in your grandma’s one thousand year old couch instead of Simon’s empty bed, which was casually right next to yours.

The following step should be to watch some romcom with Heath Ledger and try to forget the way Yoongi rolled up his sleeves when he was pretending to help Namjoon with your car, or at least the way you stared like an idiot for a good moment before snapping out of it. 

He should’ve gone home too, he had no business walking in the same direction as you if his apartment was towards the other end of the street. It didn’t take you long to realize he was following you “for some coffee, since we’re cold”, as he said, already assuming that you didn’t have any plans (he wasn’t wrong).

You didn’t want to chase him away, you were still working on that thing of not being a bitch, and while there was a rational part of you that knew that you were better off not seeing Yoongi, there also was a part of you who couldn’t get enough of him. A better explanation was that you might be a masochist. 

The garage wasn’t far from home, but you were walking fast as if you were trying to lose him in the way.

“Is Namjoon still single?” You wondered out loud, trying to redirect your thoughts somewhere far away from him. At least for now it didn’t seem that difficult, you remembered the sweet smile of Yoongi’s friend and the way he lifted his glasses with his finger up to the bridge of his nose. Was he really shy or was he just faking it so girls thought he was cute? Either way, it was working.

“What?” Yoongi raised his voice, frowning at you. 

You frowned back at him “I asked if Namjoon is still single.” You repeated, but you were sure he heard it right. “How come he’s still single?”

The wind hit your face, so you made yourself small in your jacket, scanning the street for any cars before crossing in the middle of the street. Yoongi followed you without hesitation, running to the other side of the street before you left him behind. 

“Why…?” He yelled, trying to catch up with you, but when he was next to you he lowered his voice “Why do you care?”

The question sounded strange coming out of his lips, but you ignored his tone, turning your head. “I’m curious.” You just said, but he still couldn't shake the strange look on his face. “What?” You pushed his shoulder “Don’t look at me that way.” 

“I’m not looking at you in any way.” He defended himself. 

He was clearly looking at you in some way, you just didn’t know which. You winced, trying to brush it off “I’m just asking…” You murmured “He’s really cute, don’t you think? He works at the garage, he wears glasses, he’s got cute dimples. How is he still single?” 

“It seems like you gave him a good look.” He mumbled under his breath, taking his eyes off you. 

“I’m just a very observant girl.” You argued. “C’mon, you didn’t think about it? I’ve never seen Namjoon with a girl…” You kept wondering, staying silent as Yoongi, for some reason, refused to keep this conversation going. You still didn’t know how Simon and Yoongi were such good friends, Simon always knew everything about everyone, how was it possible that Yoongi refused to even discuss the reason for Namjoon's long singleness? Or maybe Yoongi was keeping the reason as a secret, maybe it was something no one was supposed to know. Suddenly, you connected two and two together, interpreting Yoongi’s reluctance in the most logical way. You gasped “Oh! Or is he…?”

Yoongi rolled his eyes, making a sound of annoyance when he realized you were still talking about the same thing. “No, he’s not gay, Pinky.” He sighed “He’s just not into dating.”

You turned the corner of the street, making Yoongi follow you. “Like my brother?” You asked, remember how everyone said the same thing about Simon. 

He snorted “No, not like your brother.” He said  “Simon was a mess… Namjoon is just a shy guy.”

You arched an eyebrow. That was the lamest excuse ever, it wasn’t enough explanation for you. Maybe Yoongi was right and Namjoon was just-a-shy-guy, or maybe Yoongi didn’t know the real reason why he has been single for years because men never communicate their feelings with each other, maybe Namjoon was dating his first love for years until she broke her heart, making him never want to date again, or maybe… 

“Stop.” He said, interrupting your train of thought. Now it was his turn to push your shoulder “Don’t even think about it.” 

He gave you a warning look, which made you confused for a moment… Wait, what was he thinking? Did Yoongi confuse your nosiness for something else? Did something that you said made him think your intentions were different? … Was he really thinking you were interested in Namjoon? 

You pursed your lips, trying to contain your laugh. You could explain to Yoongi that he misunderstood you and deny every accusation, but something inside you told you that the current scenario was more fun.

“I’m not thinking about anything.” You said, faking innocence, and even if you really weren't he looked at you like he didn’t believe you. 

“Yeah, right.” He huffed “Didn’t sound like that.”

“Really? How did it sound, then?” You teased him “Enlighten me.” 

Yoongi did not say another word after that, refusing to follow your game. You've known him for longer than you could remember —literally, he said he remembered meeting you when he was four and Simon invited him into the house so he could meet his new baby sister, but you had no recall of it—, even so, you had no memory of him ever being mad at you, not even slightly annoyed, so you were a bit confused when his expression remained serious for the rest of the walk home. Was it so bad to show interest in Namjoon?

“Don’t even think about it.” What did that even mean?

Present

You were trying to avoid the memory of Ian’s proposal for weeks now. It was painted in your mind, the excited look on his face, his mom’s ring on his hand, the flowers, the cool white lights, the ringing in your ears that warned you something was wrong. You remembered wondering if he knew that you read all those texts he sent to other women, if he knew how ridiculous everything looked. It still made you cringe when you accidently thought about it. Did he really think you were the same as him?… Weren’t you different? 

Despite being the most embarrassing moment of your life to date, you weren’t trying to hide it, you were planning to tell your family about it when the time was right. Like tonight, for example. You thought you could talk to them about it, that you could have time to explain everything, to apologize for not saying anything, maybe for a couple other things too… But your plan was ruined the moment your mom told you she had planned a dinner in your absence on the same day you arrived.

Now Simon was looking at you like you were thirteen and you got your heart broken for the first time. He rested his elbows on the table you and him just set, sighing. You were aware that the rest of the guests were on their way, but you tried to ignore it. It wasn’t that difficult since Simon’s thoughts were echoing in the room, making you shift in your seat. Of course Simon already knew about it, you were sure he already read it in some tabloid before you got the chance to tell him first. 

“Stop doing that.” You said, breaking the silence. He didn’t seem surprised, but still narrowed his eyes, trying to play dumb.

“Doing what?” 

You weren’t sure what he was doing exactly, maybe you were just imagining the way he was looking at you: with pity, but it was annoying you, and he knew that, perhaps it was the reaction he was expecting from you. He was laughing five minutes ago, making fun of you when he saw you trip on the step of the entrance to the kitchen like nothing changed between the two of you, but now he was sitting in silence as if he was preparing you to ask you the question. 

You wished Florence, Simon’s girlfriend, were here. She would fill the uncomfortable silences with gossip about the neighbors and ignore the elephant in the room. She was away visiting her family, so instead you were there with him as he tried to play the big brother role, but failed terribly. 

“Are you going to ask me about it?” You asked, not hesitating.

Simon let your question linger in the air, pretending you didn’t just read his mind. There were only a few people you could say you knew like the palm of your hand, one of them was your brother. Even if you spent years separated, you’ve always been as thick as thieves, you still saw right through Simon, and the only problem with that was that he saw right through you as well.

“Are you going to tell the truth?” He calmly asked, enjoying the look on your face when he heard you gasp, offended.

It hurt to know how implicit it was that you hadn’t been honest these past years, it was easy to catch you off guard. While you were out in the world, away from your family, Simon stayed here and visited your mom every sunday and tried to ignore the fact that you didn’t answer any of their messages that week, saying that you were busy working when you really were trying to avoid invitations for the next weekend. It was obvious that Simon was the one that spent more time with your mom, you thought about that the second he used the same tone as her when she was scolding you. 

You crossed your arms over your chest, frowning “Maybe, I can think about it.” You said in the same tone as him. Simon just scoffed, shaking his head. 

“Fine. That was too much to ask for, I guess.” He snarked, mocking you “I have a simpler question… are you okay?” 

Despite his attempt to appear casual and keep bickering, his concern was evident. That question could have felt like a caress to the soul, a sigh of relief, the feeling of home, but instead it felt like Simon had punched you in the stomach, leaving you without air. How easy it was to fight with Simon, how easy would’ve been for you if he didn’t hug you when he saw you thirty minutes ago. It would’ve been less difficult than witnessing his blue eyes showing you mercy. It was clear that he cared for you, but you weren't sure if you deserved it, not from him of all people. 

“Simon…” You murmured, shaking your head. It was an easy question, but difficult to answer knowing this wasn’t the right moment, this wasn’t how you planned things.  

“What?” He questioned, reading your mind “I’m not asking you just because I have to, I’m not waiting for you to lie to me and tell me that you’re alright so I can forget about it, I care.” 

“I know you care.” You breathed out “It’s just…” You sighed, vacillating “Listen… I haven’t- I’m not okay, really… But I can manage. I just feel like this is not the right moment to talk about it.” You looked at the entrance of the door and his sorry eyes followed, understanding what you meant. Simon nodded, but he didn’t stop looking at you like you were a wounded animal.

“That’s fine, I understand.” He murmured “That’s what I wanted to know. I was just wondering if you were going to be okay tonight.” 

“I’ll be fine, as long as I don’t have to talk about myself. We’ll have time for that” You assured him.

“Are you sure?” He continued to question, doubting you. 

You squinted your eyes “Yes, I'm sure, Simon.” You said, annoyed, even if you couldn’t blame him for not trusting your word. “I’m not planning to run away.”

“Not again?” He tried to joke, but you didn’t dare to laugh. 

“I assure you, not again.” You rolled your eyes, hating that that was the image your brother had of you, hating to know that he was right. “You can stop looking at me like I’m a lost puppy now, I’m not a lost puppy.”

He scoffed “Are you not a lost puppy?” He asked “Where are you sleeping tonight?” 

You frowned, offended “Here, of course… I mean, on the couch probably, but here.” You  tried to defend yourself, but you immediately realized that your room was still a mess, and instead of cleaning a bit before dinner, you spent the whole afternoon sleeping. 

His lips curved into a mocking smile, knowing that there wasn’t much difference between you and a lost puppy. “You can sleep at mine.” He offered. 

“I wasn’t asking” You resisted, too proud to say yes right away.

“I know.” He said, and he shushed you to stop you from talking, pretending that it was the end of the discussion.

You shook your head, trying to reject those kind gestures you didn’t deserve. You opened your mouth, willing to keep arguing with your brother until you heard the bell ringing for the second time this evening, making you almost jump in your seat. 

Your mom yelled from the kitchen, announcing that she was getting the door followed by the sound of her noisy shoes making their way to the door. It happened in a matter of seconds, you heard your mom rushing to the hall and opening the door, you heard muffled sounds, mixed voices, your mom greeting the guests while you waited on your chair as Simon turned his head over his shoulder, expectantly observing the entrance of the dining room. 

Then, you heard steps approaching, laughter and chatter, but something else was happening in your head, something that was restricting you from hearing clearly —from thinking clearly—.

You fixed your eyes on the door, wishing no one appeared for as long as they could delay the arrival, but soon your field of vision was occupied by a short woman with curly hair and pearls in her ears. Nari, Yoongi’s mom, watched her step while she supported herself with a cane as she entered the room. Nari was just a few years older than your mom, but since the accident four years ago it has been difficult for her to walk without help, that’s why you and your brother both stood up at the same time to help her get to a seat faster. 

The sound of both of your chairs being pushed back and your brother’s rushed steps filled the room. Simon was quicker than you, he approached Nari, smiling and saying hello as he grabbed one of her hands to help her find a seat. 

You were not hearing anything clearly, but you were sure that Nari was complaining and telling Simon that she did not need any help, but he ignored her as he asked for her coat so he could hang it on the coat rack next to the door. 

You felt clumsy, awkwardly standing in the middle of the room, unsure of what to do with yourself for the next four seconds. Four seconds that could’ve been four years, because when you lifted your gaze you realized you were standing face to face with Yoongi. An older Yoongi, a Yoongi you haven’t seen before, even if you didn’t remember when was the last time you dared to look him in the eyes, you were sure that back then he looked very different than tonight. His hair was longer, it was pushed back like he ran his finger through it, he was dressed like he just got home from work, a white dress shirt, slacks and a long black winter coat. He was dressed like an adult, a version of him that you never met and maybe never will. His gaze met yours the same way everything met you: by accident. He was not expecting to see you tonight, you knew that, now he was looking at you the same way you were looking at him, like he saw a ghost, maybe you were, maybe he was. 

Yoongi opened his mouth to say something, and you had exactly one second to prepare for what he was about to say next, but you didn’t. 

“Oh, Pinky.” Two words escaped his lips, tripping over each other as surprise and regret took over his features. He immediately realized he said something he wasn’t supposed to, but you still couldn’t hear clearly, you weren’t sure if you heard that right. 

The nickname sent a chill down your spine, you couldn’t answer to it, and he knew it. It was like he said some forbidden word to make you freeze in your place. You couldn’t help but feel like the dumbest person on earth. 

You had been thinking the whole afternoon about it, trying to think of ways of looking unbothered when Yoongi showed up tonight, but it took one stupid word for you to stop functioning normally. You wanted to say something, say hi to him and forget that he even dared to call you like that, but you refused to do it. 

“Sweetheart! What are you doing here?” Suddenly, your ears were working again. Nari’s high pitched voice snapped you out of your trance, making you look away from her son’s face. It was like she didn’t notice your presence until Yoongi called you by that stupid nickname “I didn’t know you were coming!”

She attempted to stand up again, but you rushed to meet her so she wouldn’t move from her chair to let her pull you into a tight embrace. You took advantage of it, there were no more places to hide in this house, not your mom’s room or behind your brother, so you closed your eyes, hugging her back.

It was only then when you realized how much you missed being hugged like that, you remembered how much you missed such affection. Especially from her, who was always so loving to you, it was a shame that you couldn’t look her son in the eyes. 

You shook those thoughts away, acting like his presence didn’t affect you. “I told my mom!” You explained “But she forgot, can you believe it?”

“She should've told me.” She said, pulling away to cup your face in her hands “I haven’t seen you in so long, angel, you look beautiful!”

“Not as much as you do, Nari, are you wearing makeup?” You tried to joke, making her giggle. 

“No, darling, I don’t need that stuff.” She shook her head. “C’mon, sit next to me, we have to catch up!”

Four years ago 

Seven days before New Year’s Eve. 

There definitely was a logical reason why you and Yoongi were locked in the tiniest closet of your Grandma's enormous house.

The answer was somewhere in your mind, somewhere deep where your brain functioned just fine, somewhere where you weren’t trapped between Yoongi’s body and some shelf that was digging on your shoulder blade. 

You were looking at each other in silence while you heard your name being called from downstairs. The palm of your hand was covering his mouth, preventing him from saying another word and his fist was clenched around your shirt to maintain his balance. You were trying to ignore how his knuckles were digging on the skin of your stomach, or how his chest was pressed against yours or the way his knee was digging in your inner thigh to keep you from crashing against the shelves full of cleaning products. 

You looked at him through your eyelashes, quietly observing how his hair fell on his eyes like a curtain. You took a deep breath, thinking of the reason why you were there in the first place, which was… uhm… uh…

Oh yes! You were hiding. Yes, you were hiding from your grandmother, that was why.

This morning Yoongi showed up at your house to pick you and your mother up in his car.  He was wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap with the name of his college on it. He smiled cheekily as he helped you put your bags in the trunk and you rolled your eyes when he opened the door of the passenger seat for you. Your mother was delighted, not only because she didn’t have to drive for two hours to your grandmother’s house, but also because Yoongi had that effect on everyone… including you. 

Of course your grandmother loved Yoongi as well. Through her eyes, he was like another version of Simon; he was studying the same thing, he was about to graduate just like him, of course she was delighted to welcome Yoongi with open arms. You weren’t saying that you were not welcomed, or that your grandmother didn’t love you, but you were never received the same way. Yes, she hugged you and kissed you and told you she missed you, but that didn’t mean that later on she would not make comments on the way you dressed, or the way you laughed, or whether you should eat another gingerbread cookie or not. 

You could endure all those things, you always did, it was nothing new to you. What you could not endure, howerever, was another second in the presence of your grandmother talking about her neighbor’s daughter. You hardly knew Aria, —the tall and blonde girl with gorgeous blue eyes that was sitting in the living room next to your grandmother— but you knew pretty much everything about her since your grandmother insisted on comparing you to her. 

Ever since you were a kid your grandmother liked to compare you to every other girl of your age. You were sure Aria was a nice girl, it wasn’t her fault your grandmother was such a bitch, but you weren’t in the mood to face her today, especially when Simon wasn’t around. You knew she was coming with her family, since your grandma loved to invite the whole neighborhood when the holidays arrived, so when you heard your name being called from downstairs so you would come down and greet the guests, you hid in the nearest room of the house, the cleaning closet towards the end of the hall on the second floor. 

After a few seconds you stopped hearing your mother calling for you, but then you started hearing Yoongi, approaching in the hallway as he was looking for you in the room you were staying in. You quickly opened the door, grabbed him by his arms and dragged him into the room with you. 

You resolved that problem, the next step was figuring out how you would get out of the current situation. 

Yoongi gently grabbed your wrist, removing the hand you were using to cover his mouth. “Aren’t you a little dramatic?” He whispered, completely ignoring the short distance that separated your face from his.

Yoongi’s breath smelled like the red wine he was drinking during lunch, and that should send some alert to your mind to warn you that he shouldn't be this close to you, but your brain seemed to be functioning on a different astral plane, and it was pretty much only focused on Yoongi’s lips.

You felt his hand opening to let go of your crumpled shirt, but then he slowly slid it back to your waist, grabbing you gently.

You gulped. 

That seemed completely normal.

“Of course I am.” You whispered back, and you congratulated yourself for being able to speak. “That’s why I am hiding in a closet.”

“And you dragged me with you.” He remarked.

“You were screaming my name, you were going to give me away.” You accused him, digging a finger on his chest.

He nodded, pretending that what you just said made sense “Right, I get it. So… why are you hiding here instead of your room?” He said, emphasizing his words. 

You took a quick look around the tiny dark room that wasn’t made to have two people in it. It smelled like bleach and it was full of brooms and dust. It wasn’t the most comfortable place to hide but it seemed like no one opened this room for the last four weeks, so it was safe. You returned your eyes to his face, biting your bottom lip. “My room wasn’t safe.” You explained, dead serious. “Do you think they stopped looking for me already?”

Yoongi rolled his eyes “You sound like someone is trying to kill you.”

Well, no. No one was trying to kill you, but why did you feel the need to run away as if someone was? 

“No, it’s worse. If they find me I would have to tell everybody that I dropped out of college.” You effused, making him shake his head in disbelief “You are supposed to be here to support me, aren’t you?” You tried to remind him. 

“I am here to support you.” He emphasized. “I am hiding in a closet with you, aren’t I?” You kept silent, knowing he was right. “But you can’t run away from everything, especially if it’s not worth the run, we’ll leave eventually and you’ll forget about your grandma for the rest of the year.”

You sighed, defeated. “I still don’t want to see fucking Aria.”

He scoffed, biting his lip to contain a laugh. “We don’t have to talk to her, we can just say hello and leave.” He said “I mean, but first we have to get out of here.” 

He looked around, signaling the room you were squeezed in. He was right, again, he always was. You knew that it was absurd that you were hiding here in the first place, but something inside you urged you to stay there for a few seconds longer. Now you didn’t know if you wanted to stay there to avoid the guests or because you were getting too comfortable in his arms (you already knew the answer).

You had no idea what was happening in Yoongi’s mind, but you were too busy swimming in the warm brown of his eyes to even care, you were too busy dreaming to be interested in what this meant. 

You must’ve been long gone for a few seconds, because you were only made aware that you’ve been silent for a while when you heard his soft voice.  

“Pinky,” He called for you, pulling you out of the haze of your mind, but the thing that finally snapped you out of it was when you were suddenly caught off guard when you, out of nowhere, felt his hand touching your face, squeezing your cheeks between his fingers “are we going to stop hiding or not?” He calmly asked, making your heart skip a beat. 

You blinked, feeling your knees getting weak. If you were speechless before, now you have become completely mute. 

What. Was. He. Doing. 

And what was he playing?

You couldn’t miss the way his eyes shined in the dark and how your heart swirled in your chest, becoming small the second you watched a flash of a smirk tugging at the corner of his pink lips. Was he fucking laughing at you?

And why were you standing there with your mouth hung open, racking your brain for something to say? Your mind couldn’t process if he was just playing with you, not right now, not ever. You didn’t know what game he was playing, but you decided you were not letting him win regardless. You grabbed his wrist, pulling his hand away from your face. 

“Don’t treat me like a baby…” You said in a low voice, but you didn’t know what you were talking about anymore. Everything stopped making sense the moment you dragged him into this room.

He squeezed your waist, digging his fingers on your skin over your cotton shirt. “But you sound like a baby.” He murmured, leaning over you just enough to make your noses brush with each other. 

Your heart dropped to your stomach, leaving you without air. God, you felt sick. This wasn’t real, this was a product of your imagination, like every single second you spent with Yoongi these last weeks. “Yoongi…” You whispered, trying to warn him, but instead it sounded like you were pleading. You might as well have done both; warning him because if he didn’t stop you would start believing whatever he was doing, and pleading because you were not sure if you could take it. 

He freed himself from your grasp, grazing his thumb along your jaw bone. You couldn’t recall a time, not even in your darkest dreams, where he touched you like that. 

“What?” He whispered back, his voice hoarse. “What are you going to do?”

The room laid in profound silence for a moment, the weight of your heart suffocated you and the urge to answer him, to smack him in the face, to run away, increased in your chest. You held your breath, watching him open his mouth about to say something, but then the room shook when someone knocked on the door like they were about to knock it down, being followed by the strong sound of your mom’s voice, making you jump away from him. 

“Dear, don’t tell me you’re there again.” She yelled loud enough for the whole block to hear, knocking again for good measure. 

Yoongi’s arms fell on each side of his body, and you couldn’t help but feel disappointed. He lifted an eyebrow, ignoring what just happened. “Again, huh?”

You rolled your eyes, pushing his chest to keep a proper distance between your body and his “Shut up.” You gritted your teeth, refusing to acknowledge the warm temperature of your face. You hated to see that there was no trace of embarrassment on his features, just pure amusement. Meanwhile, you didn’t need a mirror to know how red your cheeks were. 

Three more knocks. “C’mon, get out there already!” Your mother kept yelling. 

When you finally turned around and opened the door, your mother’s gaze fell upon you, looking at you with everything but surprise. It wasn’t the first time you hid there, you did it a couple times when you were a kid and fought with Simon. Your mother was well aware of your hiding place, you just expected her to think you were too old to be found here again.

The surprise came after, when her eyes caught a sigh of another face in the dark. She knew you were going to be hidden here, what she didn’t expect was to find Yoongi right next to you, maybe way too close to each other. 

Her eyes widened, out of words “Oh, dear,... Yoongi… Uh, I didn’t- I didn’t know you were both here...” The sentence died in your mother’s lips, but you ignored her reaction, you stepped out of the room, fanning yourself with your hand to cool down and storming out of the situation. 

“Sorry, I was dragged into this, Lila.” Yoongi explained, sounding way more composed than you, but the situation didn’t look good for either of you. 

“Well, I can only imagine…”  She said, but you did not miss her undertone. 

You walked back to what was supposed to be your room (and Yoongi’s), leaving both of them behind. 

“Your daughter can be very persuasive.” He continued to explain, his voice following you. 

A low hum of your mom finished the conversation, she left trying to put together what she just saw, and you hurried your pace so you could lock yourself in the room and leave him outside. 

“Pinky!” He exclaimed, stopping you at the door frame. 

You needed a second alone, but he was not willing to give it to you. 

You turned around, exasperated “What!?” You snapped, but he didn’t care one bit. 

“Didn’t you want to get out of here?”

Present

The day Ian came to your apartment to pick up the last box with his things, you finally called your mother to tell her you and him had broken up. You had only told Minnie by then, but it got stuck in your throat for two weeks, ready to be vomited at any moment. 

Your mother always said that it was important to grieve things, to be mad about them, to be sad, to cry about them, otherwise you were going to carry that weight while pretending to be okay until, someday, it would explode in your face in the worst possible way. When you broke up with Ian you patiently waited for the tears, for the pain in your chest, for the sad memories of three years with him to arrive one night at three am. You waited for the grief in your car when some sappy love song started playing, or when you went for the groceries and came face to face with the huge advertisement with his face on it, but it never came. 

You had an affection for Ian that was not easy to understand, but you liked his company, you liked his unconventional jokes, that he was politically incorrect, that he laughed in the worst moments, but you were never sure you loved him, were you a horrible person for that? For not feeling bad, for not crying for him? 

When your mom picked up the phone and you told her why you called, you broke down crying before finishing the sentence, you felt all the emotions stacking up your throat as you sobbed uncontrollably. You soon realized you weren’t crying for Ian, you weren’t crying because you missed him, not even for the proposal, you were crying because you needed a hug from your mom and she was four hours away. 

“Women grieve during the relationship.” Minnie theorized when you told her that you didn’t feel bad for Ian “It’s normal if you don’t miss him.”

Maybe she was right, but maybe you were not grieving your relationship with Ian, but the person you were before leaving home. 

Now that you were there, sitting at the table with the people that have always been your family, you knew that you were supposed to feel at ease, but the anxiety you felt at the thought of someone mentioning the big break up, as Minnie called it, was stronger. You knew everyone knew, and you knew everyone was thinking about it. Everyone but you, because you were a bit too distracted with a certain someone sitting across the table, just in front of you. A certain someone who couldn’t stop crossing looks with you. 

“Aren’t they planning to make a movie about that?” You heard Simon ask, shaking off your thoughts. 

As much as you wished not to be the center of attention, you should’ve known that none of your wishes would come true tonight, because every topic, every question, every comment was being redirected at you and your life in the city. 

You weren’t paying much attention to the conversation, but you were sure they were talking about a play you starred in two years ago, which contained one of your most acclaimed performances. You remembered those days with pure contentment and pride, but you had numerous reasons for not wanting to talk about it.

“So I’ve heard.” You just said, looking at the half eaten portion of lasagna on your plate.

“Shouldn’t you be in it?” Nari asked this time “You were wonderful in that.”

You smiled, shrugging. “Thanks, but if they don’t offer it to me beforehand I would have to audition again. It’s a different process of casting I suppose.” 

You heard almost everyone humming in response, and felt a pair of eyes fixed on the side of your face that you were still trying to ignore. In that moment you decided you would not concede said eyes another single glance tonight, as if you could ever keep your promises. 

“But wouldn’t you like to be in it?” Your mom nonchalantly asked “If it were the same casting, I mean.”

You looked at her for a moment, expecting her to realize what she was asking, but she didn’t. You knew she had no business remembering every play you’ve been in, or every casting, or every detail of the life you decided to never share, but you still waited for a moment, expecting her to remember that in that very same play you ended up killing Ian’s character by stabbing him in the heart. 

Nothing like reality, you thought. 

“Not really.” You chuckled, bitterly “Some things are made to be done just once, it might wear off.” 

You breathed out, thinking that you successfully avoided the topic without having to give any explanations. 

But of course, once again, you were wrong. 

“Oh, sorry, baby.” Your mother backtracked “I forgot you were there with…”

The name died on her throat, immediately knowing that the comment was unnecessary. 

You pursed your lips, shaking your head “It’s fine…” 

The conversation could have followed its course then, you could have changed the topic yourself, you could have perfectly saved the conversation by making something up, but Nari was quicker. 

“Oh, darling, I’m sorry about that, I just heard about it this morning.” She followed your mom, giving you the condolences as if someone just died. “I had no idea.”

“Mom…” You heard Yoongi’s voice echoing in the room as a warning, and without noticing, your gaze landed on him again for a brief moment, immediately breaking your promise. You mentally cursed yourself, taking your eyes off him when he offered an apologetic smile.

Nari looked at him, annoyed at him for scolding her, “I’m just saying, I hope you’re okay, I know it’s not easy.”

“Mom.” Yoongi spoke again, this time more insistent, but his mother paid it no mind. 

“It’s okay.” You said without looking at him “I’m okay, things like this happen.”

You didn’t know what things you were referring to, if the break up, the proposal, the leaked pictures, the fact that your ex boyfriend stabbed you in the back. Things like that did not happened everyday, you weren’t supposed to get used to them, but you acted like you already were. 

She nodded, looking at you with eyes full of concern. “I was so surprised, honestly. Didn’t you want to get married?”

The directness of the question caught you off guard, so you couldn’t help but chuckle nervously. Everyone could sense how invasive and personal was the question, but the fact that she wasn’t trying to tip-toe around you made you smile softly. You loved Nari, and you knew she meant no harm, so, only for now, you decided to answer with the truth. 

“Well, yes, someday.” You quietly professed, the words leaving your mouth like a sigh “But with the right person.”

That was enough to end the conversation, she smiled at you the same way you smiled at her and you could swear she could sense the pain in your heart, not because of Ian, but because of everything else. 

Then, Phil began talking about something else and everyone joined the conversation, too scared of saying something wrong and making you cry, but you were still stuck in the moment. After some minutes, when you felt the ache in your chest increasing, you excused yourself and left the table to exit the house through the back door in the kitchen. 

You took a deep breath, letting the cold air fill your lungs as you closed the door behind you. You sat at the bench next to Phil’s plants, trying to catch your breath. You were sure you were about to find a home somewhere, you found yourself surrounded by everything that used to feel like it, but you still felt like a foreign person, you still felt like a stranger, a traitor. You couldn’t find the person you were, or the fragments that you didn’t make disappear. 

You weren’t strong enough yet, you understood that now. The wind in your hair reminded you that you still tried, but the lack of air in your lungs just told you how immature you still were. Still, you were mindful none of this would be easy, but you just needed a few seconds to compose yourself and then you could come back to the dining room to finish your lasagna. That sounded just fine. 

When you were about to get up from your seat, you heard it. The creaking sound of the back door opening, you observed the trace of warm light that came from inside, and then, you heard that voice again. 

Inevitably, your eyes met him again, whose head was peeking to verify if you were outside, and when he saw that you were, in fact, there, he closed the door behind him, leaving the two of you alone in the cold darkness of the night. What was he doing? 

“You’re here.” Yoongi’s words were accompanied by some misty breath, lingering in the air before disappearing. You lowered your gaze, nervously looking at your feet. ‘You’re here’, he said, and for some reason he sounded relieved. 

You were confused, you didn’t understand why he chose to follow you to the backyard, but he invited himself to stay there, leaning on the wall far enough from you.

“It’s cold here.” He announced, trying to dissipate the tension you were creating by staying silent. 

You nodded your head, agreeing, but you believed you shouldn’t even grant him that. 

Yoongi sighed, “I’m sorry about my mom,” He finally said “I’m sure it wasn’t her intention to put you in an uncomfortable situation.” You tried not to roll your eyes. Was that was he doing? Playing the role of an advocate? “She didn’t mean to sound rude or anything, she just has no filter.”

“It’s okay, I know.” You murmured under your breath. “It wasn’t her fault, it’s just me.” 

He kept quiet, he didn’t seem too content with that answer but what could he do about it? You both knew it was the only thing you were going to tell him. 

“Fine, but… you shouldn’t be out here… without a coat.” He awkwardly said, making you frown “It’s cold.”

You suppress the urge to punch him in the face, instead, you put your hands between your thighs because he was right, it was cold and you didn’t have a coat on, if you stayed too long outside you were going to get sick. 

“I know it’s cold.” You acknowledged “I’m going inside in a second.” 

You waited patiently for him to leave, expecting those words to be enough for him to leave you alone for a few more seconds, but he didn’t. He stood there, in the other corner of the porch looking at you like he had something else to say. You didn’t care, you wanted to not care, it was meaningless. 

“Are you… I just, uhm… Are you okay?” He stumbled over his words, but you dismissed the way your heart clenched in response. 

“Yoongi…” You groaned, intending to sound annoyed at him, but the name came out of your voice like something intimate, something like a secret, it echoed in the air, resonating with the same tenderness that he pronounced your nickname upon seeing you tonight.

“What? I mean-”

“I’m okay, I’ll be there in an instant.” You interrupted him. He didn’t have another option but to agree. 

He made his way to the door, but lingered in there for a moment. With one hand on the doorknob, he glanced longingly at you as if he was expecting you to stop him. “You can go now.” You rushed him. 

“I know, I know, sorry.” He said, knowing he was caught. “I’m just glad to see you, that's all.” 

Before you even got the chance to curse him, he disappeared through the door like nothing happened, once again. 

taglist: @kingofbodyrolls @overtherainbow35 @namin13 @p34rluv @moonchild1 @yoongisoftface @namgihours @honsoolgloss @idkjustlovingbts @yoongisducky @bangtansmauyeondan @tarahardcore @wobblewobble822 @secfir @ot72025 @baechugff @heroinanne @mortal-body-timelesssoul @hiii-priestess @wii-wii @jungkookies1002 @busanbby-jjk @acquiescence804

[lexirosewrites]

This is for Slick Sunday!!!

So. I was watching this voice over of some random Tumblr post about how Vampires are to carpenters what furries are for artists(allegedly), bc they can make the ideal coffin for each individual and things like that, and like??? I got inspired. So this is what I have:

Totally established ABO situation, where Steve is an unusual Omega, simply for the fact that after his family disowned him he became a carpenter and if being a jock had given him some muscles, being a carpenter made him ripped.

But no one wants an Omega like that, no matter how sweet he is whether in scent or personality, it also doesn't help that Steve has a shit taste in Alphas.

Anyways, enter Eddie, a Vampire (whether he has a designation and/or what it is up in the air (although I prefer him as an Alpha)) who's looking for a new coffin for his Uncle Wayne, an incredibly old vampire (probably a beta) who met him when he was young and adopted Eddie before turning him at the age of 25 (Eddie was dying, and there wasn't a cure for him yet, but that was Wayne's kid, he couldn't let him die so young), because his Uncle's coffin is like, old, Eddie asked and the thing is a certified antique, it's at least a 100 years old and almost falling apart no matter how much care Wayne puts into it.

So Eddie finds out about this carpenter, the guy has never worked for vampires before, but Robin (a local witch and another Omega) recommended him so strongly Eddie agreed to check him out.

Eddie gets immediately infatuated with Steve, the guy is handsome, with a sweet personality, and a body Eddie just wants to sink his teeth into...

So they get talking about the request, and it ends up being a long collaboration, since Eddie didn't actually go prepared for the appointment, so he keeps visiting Steve to make adjustments to the coffin's design and stuff like that.

And if he also uses that time to get to know Steve better and maybe flirt a little? It's nobody's business.

(and maybe Steve also answers sometimes, with

So anyways, Steve finishes the task and is sad he won't see Eddie again, won't get to bask into his amazingly comforting scent again, thinking that the guy probably will leave him behind like so many other commissioners before him who came by, sweet talked him, that even got him into bed one time, and then left once their product was finished, only to never return.

So When Eddie comes to pick up the finished coffin he finds an incredibly sad Omega , and of course he immediately asks what's wrong, does Steve feel bad, should he call Robin? But Steve is so overwhelmed by this simple show of care that he confesses on the spot.

And Eddie is obviously overjoyed by this, corresponding to Steve in that exact moment, zero doubts in his mind that he'll be with Steve for as long as Steve wants him.

Plus: Steve finds out a week into dating that Eddie is a vampire and is very offended that his boyfriend (soon to be mate) tried to hide something so important from him, meanwhile Eddie is like "Babe. Baby. Sweetheart. I literally asked for a bed coffin, I told you my uncle was more than a hundred years old, I once got into your workshop fully bloodstained, fangs out, because I was running late and my last feeding was rough"

"I thought that was paint from those minis you told me you were working on!"

And then they recreate the twilight meme for the funsies.

(and maybe a long time from now they'll be mates, and Steve will turn into a vampire after being Eddie's part-time bloodbag for years, and they'll have a coven full of kids, some theirs, some adopted, but all of them wholly loved and cherished)

And that's all I have in me rn, I really hope you enjoy Lexi, happy day!

(also, fun fact, halfway through writing this I got so distracted by the romance that I forgot about the ABO part of things, and then I tried to revise it, but I'm not sure I did a good job, this could probably be way more abo than it is, lmaoo)

hehe monsterfucker steve is very dear to me, especially when he’s an omega and willing to submit to an alpha as their prey in more way than one💕

[tarotwithavi]

How can you unlock Your Full Potential?

Masterlist

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1. Know Yourself

You first need to know who you are. Take some time to think about your strengths and weaknesses. Ask yourself:

What am I good at?

What do I enjoy doing?

What skills do I want to improve?

What moments have made me feel proud?

How do I handle challenges?

Tips:

Write down your thoughts in a journal.

Talk to friends or family for their insights.

2. Set Clear Goals

Once you understand yourself better, it’s time to set goals. Clear goals give you direction and motivation. Make sure your goals are SMART:

Specific: Be clear about what you want.

Measurable: Find ways to track your progress.

Achievable: Set realistic goals that you can reach.

Relevant: Ensure your goals align with your values.

Time-bound: Set a deadline for your goals.

Questions:

What specific outcomes do I want to achieve?

How will I measure my progress?

What challenges might I face, and how will I overcome them?

Example:

Instead of saying, "I want to be fit," say, "I want to run 5 kilometers in three months."

3. Stay Positive

A positive mindset is essential for unlocking your potential. When you believe in yourself, you are more likely to take risks and try new things.

Questions:

What negative thoughts hold me back?

How can I reframe these thoughts positively?

Who inspires me, and what can I learn from them?

Tips:

Surround yourself with positive people.

Practice gratitude by writing down things you are thankful for each day.

Use positive affirmations, like "I can achieve my goals."

4. Learn Continuously

Never stop learning! Whether through books, online courses, or workshops, gaining new knowledge and skills can help you grow.

Questions:

What new skills do I want to learn this year?

How can I make learning a part of my daily routine?

Who can I learn from in my community or online?

Tips:

Set aside time each week for learning.

Join clubs or groups that interest you.

Ask for feedback to improve.

5. Take Action

Dreams remain dreams without action. Break your goals into small steps and take action every day. Even small progress is still progress!

Questions:

What is one small step I can take today toward my goal?

How can I hold myself accountable?

What rewards will I give myself for completing tasks?

Tips:

Create a daily to-do list.

Celebrate your small wins.

Don’t be afraid to make mistakes; they are part of learning.

6. Take Care of Yourself

Physical and mental health are crucial for reaching your potential. Make sure to:

Questions:

Am I eating foods that nourish my body?

How can I incorporate more physical activity into my routine?

What stress-relief techniques work best for me?

Tips:

Eat healthy foods.

Exercise regularly.

Get enough sleep.

Take breaks when you need them.

7. Stay Resilient

You will face challenges along the way. It’s important to stay resilient and not give up. When things get tough, remind yourself why you started and keep pushing forward.

Questions:

How have I bounced back from challenges in the past?

What strategies can I use to stay motivated during tough times?

Who can I reach out to for support?

Tips:

View challenges as opportunities to grow.

Learn from failures instead of fearing them.

Seek support from friends or teachers when needed.

[performativezippers]

Could you share your thoughts about beats in writing, please?

OKAY HERE WE GOOOOO this is going to be long but honestly it could have been so much longer so oops!

tl;dr: Beats are when things in the story happen.

So in a mystery novel, for example, when does the crime occur? when do they think they've solved it, but they're wrong? when do they realize they were wrong? when is their life in danger? when do they know who did it? when does the reader know who did it? when is the b-plot introduced and when it is resolved?

These typically happen in a similar place in each mystery novel, because of course it wouldn't make sense if it went: (1) you think you know who did it, and then (2) the crime is committed. Right? or if the very first person they suspected did it and they catch them immediately! that's never what happens because then what's the other 200 pages of the book?

so there is relative order, and you know it even as a passive reader, so then the question is how spaced out are those things throughout the fic or manuscript?

in a romance, it's the same. typically we see:

meet cute/first meeting/first canon meeting (the pilot) e.g. alex meets maggie at the airport and they fight over jurisdiction, or jane and maura work a case together as usual but it's the first one where jane is scared, aka a new start to their existing relationship

why aren't they together off the bat? (aka why is this a romance novel and not a romance sentence?) e.g. alex thinks she's straight and they're good friends, or maura dates elon musk types and jane is, you know, not that

complication e.g. alex comes out and then asks maggie to be her gf but maggie says no because alex is fresh off the boat, or maura starts dating jane's dumbass brother

false high (if there is a third act breakup, this is the happy time before that) e.g. alex and maggie get together and are very happy kissing the girls they want to kiss, or maura dumps tommy because her life with jane is more important to her

low point (this is often the 3rd act breakup, but doesn't have to be) e.g. alex freaks out when family conflicts with romance and dumps maggie, or jane kills maura's dad

KISS KISS KISS (aka the happily ever after) e.g. alex apologizes and sanvers stays together forever because the show was cancelled, or jane performs surgery on maura in the woods and then they kiss forever because the show was cancelled

SO, all of those things have to happen, and beats are when. you can of course put your plot points whenever you want them. it's your life and your art and your hobby!! have fun! but if you want to learn "craft" or whatever, or get traditionally published, you need to know when the conventional beats for your genre are, so that you can show you know what you're doing.

You've noticed beats even if you haven't thought about them. Sometimes a fanfic feels like it's going on too long or ending too abruptly, which is because they didn't place their beats carefully. Maybe it's taking forever to get past the set-up, and then the ending feels rushed. Maybe they got to the end of the plot but kept writing little one-shots or vignettes that don't have any tension in them. Almost all pacing problems can be solved by beats!

There are two main beat sheets I use for writing romcoms, Save the Cat and Romancing the Beat. There are book and workshops for both. My spreadsheet I use for every book uses Save the Cat beats, which was originally developed for screenplays. Here's a screenshot of that from the spreadsheet i use religiously:

I try to focus on

inciting incident at 0 or 10% (catalyst)

fun and games 25-50%

mid point high right around 50%

Things get bad from 50-75 until dark night of the soul from 75-80%

Redemption 80-90%, climax around 90%, final snippet less than 1,000 after end of climax

I do the math on my word count and ideal final word count to reverse outline where i am. in my book that's going to be published, i was really struggling with how to fill the 50-75% chunk; it was perfectly paced up until the shattering of the false high at 50%, and I knew what would happen after the dark night of the soul at 75%, but my project was to figure out how i could keep the plot driving forward and interesting while the MC's mood and situation tanked for a full 25% of the book. It turns out in the most recent draft, that stuff is 52-86%, and is stuff i really love. i was able to work in other plot points earlier that had time to breathe and got the space they needed in that portion, as well as find the balance between 20k of boring moping and maintaining tension while the romance was tanked.

it's very very hard to use beats in a fic you're posting as you're writing it (which is most of the fics i post), but even having it in the back of my mind helps. For the Ultimatum fic i'm writing and posting now, i knew before i started posting what the midpoint false high would be, plus the dark night of the soul, plus the endgame. it's important to make sure any b-plots, or in the case other couples, get their shit resolved around the same times as Kacy does, so that we don't need too much wrap up/exposition after the kacy climax.

what other questions or thoughts do you have about beats and plot pacing? send them to me!

[kevotsuka]

I want to hear more pregnant Bezz thoughts of yours. What's his pregnancy like? Cravings? Illness? What does he do most of the time? You mentioned he isolated himself, does he get sad when lonely? Does Pecco visit him and help him with stuff? Does Bezz attempt to remember who the father could be and contact him? How does Bezz feel isolating himself when he's usually a very social person? Any preg!bezz thoughts you have, I love your cute au 🩵🩵

ANON I'm sorry I'm so late but my head has lately decided go to a writing strike HSHSHSHS but I've been listening to Alejandra Guzman, Cristina Aguilera and RBD in loop and now I'm better

You have very VERY important questions.  Preg! Bezz has been spinning like a piece of spicy chicken in my brain and im go and talking to a bunch of moms to project my man into their problems wuwuwu

This answer is going to be too long and a mess, I'm so sorry orz orz orz

(and each pregnancy is completely unique. What is normal for one person may be a sign of absolute danger for another. Always remember to go to your trusted gynecologist/obstetrician!)

1. What's his pregnancy like? Cravings? Illness?

He craves Japanese food but is banned from sushi!  He is an unhappy Bezz when people told him that sushi is dangerous for the baby.  Beyond that, he doesn't really have food cravings, he just eats a lot (and then throws up because he feels guilty for eating so much. He has more problems with food than cravings. TCA/Eating Disorder Bezz is very personal to me- but it's going to therapy and continuing with a new nutritionist!)

About symptoms.  At first he thinks it's an asymptomatic pregnancy, and it's more like the pregnancy is camouflaging itself.

Like. He's throwing up his guts, but he think “its relates it to the end of the season and the stress causes that in him” (even though he's no longer in line for the championship) (and he's never thrown up from stress before).  He then feels fatigued and can't sleep, but that's all because he travels a lot, jet lag and all that.  He misses his dog and cries looking at his photos. He has belly cramps, but it's probably something he ate in the paddock when he had a sudden aversion to the smell of chicken and he couldn't eat anything from the hospitality.

On top of that, his painkillers are kicking him between physical therapy.

When the season ends and his body has a chance to catch up, all the symptoms hit him like a truck. Headaches, heartburn, constipation and generally the desire to die to end the torment of him. He is also bloated…? and feels like shit. The bug is charging for every fall he had at the end of the season, or at least that's what Bezz thinks as he gets up for the second time in the night to urinate at the end of the second trimester or when he has to drink his calcium-fortified milk -very expensive and he hates the taste-.  The bug is really demanding with they needs!

2. What does he do most of the time? You mentioned he isolated himself, does he get sad when lonely?

I said “practically vanished from the face of the earth.”  He wasn't really alone, he is a family man, and of course he returned to his childhood home!  His older sister was very happy for him!  (The youngest offered him a rue tea as soon as he mentioned that he are pregnant, before Marco clarified that he was going to keep it- wait “Laura, how do you know that these are abortifacients?” “Oh Marco, don't ask questions for which you don't want answers.")

 (i'm sorry i love his sisters so much hshshs)

But yeah, he feels so lonely because he went from spending almost all the time with his team or the people at the ranch, not just the other riders, and now is just his family and his new “medical crew” (obstetrician, psychologist, nutritionist).

Also, He is an unemployed man!  At least until Valentino calls him and tells him he has something for him to do at the academy (like Migno, lol)

He can't help in the mechanical workshop (although now that Vito goes to the races with him, I wonder what's happened with that), so he goes with his mom to do the administrative work.

 He hates it so much :)

Those first months are torture for him and his family. His two sisters capitulated as soon as they could and left (they have a life to, Marco!). When he's not helping his mom or learning to become expert in Excel, he's watching old seasons of MotoGP, F1, and NBA. He stays at home mostly. He gets in a bad mood about it, but he prefers it to having to face his friends :(

But he can now recite by heart the podiums of every MotoGP and F1 race from 2007 and 2008!

3. Does Pecco visit him and help him with stuff?

Yeah! Bezz calls Pecco to tell him because he knows he can't run away forever for his friends, but he calls him at week 15 which is a long time past the period for a termination of pregnancy (wait, are abortions even legal in Italy?).  He called pecco when he say himself “there is no turning back from this.”

 (He's a fool...)

Pecco, once he discovers that Bezz is no longer going to lock himself in and respond to his messages (although not those from the academy's WhatsApp group...), finds out his home address and appears from time to time to check on him and take him out to eat Japanese food (but not sushi :c).  He texts him constantly and listen to Marco when he calls him to tell him something about how horrible he feels and how none of the websites he's seen talk enough about back pain (they do, he doesn't really read a lot).

Bezz is also ignoring the absolute circus that is the 2024 season because he feels rubbish not being there, and Pecco is happy not to touch on the topic at all because talking about the season is talking about Martín and Márquez and no, thanks.

 Pecco invites himself to the baby reveal date in the obstetrician (Marco doesn't throw a reveal party, booo) and together they discover that the bug that Bezz is having will be a little boy.

It's Pecco who brings Luca and Franky when Bezz says he's ready to mention it to more people (after finding out the sex of the baby).  Luca is the obvious choice for everything and Franky is Franky, so he has to be there. And they go on a shopping trip - with Pecco’s bonus - so they don't have time to process anything at all.

Franky keeps trying to buy VR46-themed things (why are there so many?) while Luca asks the -no- innocent question of “who is the father?”

4. Does Bezz attempt to remember who the father could be and contact him?

NOW. THIS QUESTION.

Short answer: no :)

Long answer: To each person who asks, Bezz will say a very eloquent “I am the father of the baby :D”.  He admits that he had sex with a lot of people at that time and doesn't remember most of them, so it's not worth looking for the child's other father. The bug is his, he is carrying it in his body and they don't need anyone else.

REAL Answer: Marco absolutely has an idea who the father is and will DIE before telling anyone, not even his family.  He will take that secret to the grave.  When his little bug is born and grows with brown eyes and to have curly brown hair, no one will ask about it anymore.

(when the boy grows up to have blue eyes and straight hair, people have QUESTIONS. Marco is not answering.)

 SORRY IT'S SO LONG it's just- pregbez

[sanriokamabodo]

college!bf akaza

A/N: i folded so hard for akaza when he first came on the screen in mugen train, i think he even turned my bf bi lol, this is so sappy btw but i just love this tragic man so much

CW's: multiple mentions of sex, akaza has a happy family life because i said so, i have babyfever and i think it shows in my writing, not proofread

Goes to medical school, there! I said it. Perhaps not the fastest at learning things but his perseverance is scary. If he wants something he puts his all into it.

Despite going to a different school, he shares a dorm with you on your campus.

(I'm not a huge fan of the trope where after years of dating they're still overly flustered around eachother but, Akaza...)

Was very nervous about moving in together despite being highschool sweethearts.

"A-are you sure you want me to move in with you? I'm sure I can find my own place, I might even be able to stay with my dad?"

"Honey, we've been together since our third year of highschool, I'm sure."

"What if I walk in on you changing?"

"We've had sex!"

You've had zero regrets moving in with Akaza, he's the most thoughtful boyfriend after all.

Had a long day at school? Pizza and your favourite movie it is.

Will always help you by quizzing you on your notes when you have a test coming up, sending you off on your big day with a homemade lunchbox and cute note by yours truly.

Always makes it a point to walk you home if it's dark.

Always makes sure you have fresh flowers every week.

And always, always greets you with a kiss when you come home from school or work, no matter how busy he may be himself.

Akaza also has a small job on the side, he helps teaching young kids at a dojo nearby.

One time you finished school early and wanted to come look at how he helped around in the dojo. The way he looked so serious but was so gentle and encouraging to the kids there made you want to pull him into a nearby broom closet and have him give you a baby right then and there.

He is a black belt, one of his biggest goals in life being that he wants a red belt and become a karate instructor.

Then why study medicine people have asked before. His father though believing Akaza can do anything he puts his mind to wants him to have job security. Even going so far as promising if he got his diploma he'd help Akaza open his own dojo.

Akaza is his only child. While his father struggled with his illness, Akaza was always there for him, tending to his every need. Even going as far as giving up his childhood, just to help his mother nurse his father back to health.

His father, always feeling guilty for not having been able to play with him, got him into karate. A place for his only Akaza to blow off some steam. And helping his son achieve his dreams felt only right with all that Akaza did for him.

Akaza doesn't only teach at the dojo, he has a small workshop running at your campus where he teaches women basic self defense. You help him out there of course, correcting defensive stances when Akaza is helping somebody else. He taught you self defense within you guys' first year of dating, so you know a thing or two.

Akaza is such an amazing guy, he is ambitious and works hard.

Between his job at the dojo, his schoolwork and volunteer self defense class he always makes sure you know that you're the most important person in his life. Proving that fact with a sappy, stuttered speech as he proposes to you on the walk home together from your graduation dinner and giving you the baby you've wanted for so long later that evening.

[fanchonmoreau]

Dramaturgy Jason Schneiderman

I’m writing a play about a Kommandant at Auschwitz who recognizes one of the Jewish prisoners as a famous poet, and as the Kommandant has poetic aspirations himself, he pulls the prisoner away from the work detail to receive poetry lessons from the celebrated Jewish writer. The bulk of the play is their discussions of poetry, which the poet is initially reluctant to have, the power differential being so stark, and though he flatters the Kommandant at first, when he begins to see his Nazi pupil’s true devotion to the art, as well as his untrained and untapped talent, he goes to work in earnest, and at times they are both simply lovers of the German language, though the truth of their situation often interrupts. In the last act, the Kommandant is on trial for his crimes, and in the days before he is to be executed, he begs the poet to publish his work under his own name— the Nazi’s writing under the Jew’s name— because as a Nazi, he feels his own name is disgraced, but he believes so strongly in poetry that it matters more to him that his work survive than that anyone know it was his work. The play is pulled entirely from my imagination, a careful rereading of Simon Wiesenthal’s The Sunflower, and the poetic ideas of Rilke and Goethe, with a smattering of Nietzsche. In readings of the play, the Kommandant has seemed more noble than I had intended—in many ways, more noble than the Jew, because the Jew is suffering by no fault of his own, while the Kommandant is tortured by conscience, and driven by a sense of poetic calling that separates him from the Germans around him. On the morning of the third workshop reading, I watched a video of two Russians on an ice-dancing reality show performing as Jews in Auschwitz. I was sickened, even though I couldn’t follow the pantomimed action, and I wondered if I was producing Holocaust kitsch myself, if my work was as disgusting as theirs, though I knew if I asked any of my team, they would reassure me that I am doing important work that rises to the level of art. Last night, during a break in the workshop of the play, I told the story of how my grandmother, upon learning that her entire family had died in the camps, had burned the photo albums of everyone she had loved. I have told that story many, many times, without feeling much more than regret, or sympathy, but this time I broke down crying, and I couldn’t stop. Everyone at the table came to comfort me, and I felt ridiculous, but the only thing I could say was, “It’s time for us to go. This isn’t a place we can live anymore.” I left the studio embarrassed, and later that day, I resigned from the production. I don’t think they believed that I was serious, and they’ll expect me to show up at the next table reading. I won’t. The play will go on though I can have nothing more to do with it. This morning, after taking a shirt off the hanger, I looked in the mirror and realized I hadn’t put it on. Without thinking, I had started packing a bag.

(x)

[altidiya]

About Distortions and Mothers (and trans daughters)

One thing I have been thinking for the Project Moon Westmarches I'm GM, is about Distortions... and mothers. Mostly me trying to write down how I understand a character, so my Virgil can say if I understand her well or not.

This is because one of the PCs is in fact a girl that distorted and her mother wanted to weaponize it instead of, like, care.

The story of Syzygy [@cataphractastrophe beautiful character] and Hyde...

My interpretation has been always that, at least until Limbus destroy me saying that it happens like a week after LoR, the Distortion phenomena is something that no one is complete aware what it is, people can confuse Distortions with Monster or weird augmentation, and that EGO is so rare that probably people still react like Roland asking what Workshop create such an amazing design.

This is important because lack of knowledge means curiosity and investigation. And something I really loved on Canto IV was the idea of Corporations having interest on it. Trying to decipher through the scientific method something inherently emotional and unstable.

Dr. Hyde is one scientist that is trying to do that from below. A woman so obssess with understanding the world, to eliminate any ounce of ignorance. And egocentric enough to see each person that isn't in her intellectual and zealot level as a ignorant Rat.

This woman create life in lab with the porpuse of experimentation. This woman became a mother not by accident, not by wanting, not by love. But by a clear cut objective. A son result of scientific objectives.

Jervas -her son- was, in that sense, a man without a soul. Not only in a metaphysical sense if someone created artificially without the normal process of birth has a soul or not -he still human by the definitions of the Head-, but because the experience of finding porpuse was taken from him. Different to everyone else that has a journey to understand why they exist, he was created with a porpuse, and that porpuse was to serve.

And Hyde only cared about that objective. Even if there is love to creation, that love is tainted with ego, with the idea of "I made that".

But what is already a somewhat interesting backstory for a TTRPG, meets with one thing about Project Moon: On the face of trauma, a cute girl talk to your head. Jervas distorts, dies, and birth anew as Syzygy, the girl of fire. Hyde naturally doesn't see it that way, for she, Jervas simply survive a very weird process, an unknown process, and Syzygy doesn't exist. Because Syzygy wasn't created with an objective, she born, and for that, she has the human experience of ignorance. And for that, she can't be Hyde's son.

I will admit, I'm in love with the idea of representing the struggles of families that don't accept the transition of their sons and daugthers with the PM detail that, Hyde isn't transphobic herself, she couldn't care less, what she reject is the idea that the body she created has another identity and name.

Because, at the end of the day, Jervas future was clear. Syzygy future is a mystery. And Hyde hates mysteries.

Then we got to the symbolism of Jervas/Syzygy Distortion and the relationship (at least on my head) with Hyde:

The Phoenix dies and rebirth on a cycle of unknowing. Ignorance is a essential part of the process, not knowing what will happen once one rebirth. This is, basically, a total opposition to Hyde, who wants to understand and know everything. Uncertainty is a sin, and dying without knowing what comes next is for Hyde, the worst nightmare. The maximum defiance is abandon self preservation for a non-sure answer. In that, Jervas dies, and Syzygy is born without a clear path.

But, why it is a Distortion then? Because the focus of Jervas was dying, the end, escape. Hyde leash still present on the Distortion as Jervas path to self destruction isn't about embracing uncertainty, but the lack of care for it. And maybe even worst, obtaining an answer to that uncertainty.

The path to liberation of Hyde's true leash is, then, embracing uncertainty and lack of knowledge. Maybe not the path to E.G.O., but clearly the path to finally break free from her presence on the mind of Syzygy, who is hunting her after the incident.

Hyde, on the other hand, has discover something more unkown and interesting than her previous investigation: The Distortion Phenomena. A weapon, for sure, not different to trained dogs on her mind. But something that is hard to replicate. That only her creation can do. And Hyde, as always, want answers above all else.

And that is what has me excited writing notes about what can happen. Hyde isn't the only one that doesn't like ignorance, and some powerful factions can be very interested on uncovering the truth about this weird phenomena.

TL;DR: Mothers can make you Distort, Syzygy says Yes to Trans Rights, and "no thoughts, head empty" is the true way to confront your scientific minded abusive mother.

[s-ccaam-era-crepe]

ooo can I hear about the bap crew?

OF COURSE <333 i loveeee talking about the bap crew thank youuuu

okay so first off general warnings for the podcasts and all my posts about it for the most part <3 there are mentions of cults, death/murder, religion (and the like) and i think thats it mostly? (as a general) but sometimes it can be a lot, take care of yourself yall <33 and the rest is under the cut there is a lot <3

with that out of the way i guess if you didn't know already lol !! they are my podcast ocs !!! i'm in the works of creating a horror <3 podcast that takes place in an amusement park with 5 main characters and a god <3

so this post here explains a lot about the main characters personalities and stuff and the tags #brickwoods and #bap on my tumblr have some other posts related to the crew <3 recently i've been doing some extra stuff for fleshing out their families who will eventually be showing up in podcast and i can do a quick over view of them here tho <3

oh and not necessarily crew related but the length of podcast <333 imma ramble about that for a sec <3 so season 1 is going to be all amusement park stuff and the last episode of that season will be a major plot point/death (sorta setting the darker/more dramatic scene for s2) s2 is also amusement park shenanigans however now that the stakes have been raised the rest of the cast is pretty scared now yk. but they have still their motivations for wanting to get out and so <3

s3 is going to be after our final girl rebecca escapes the park and tries to a) sorta solve why that happened in the first place (why them. who is the god etc etc) and b) try to give closure to the others families so yeah. plus some other plots things yk <3

and then s4 will most likely be rebecca trying to stop/take down the cult because she doesn't want something like this to happen again and the ending is in workshop <33 (aka i can't decide between like. a couple possible endings i have planned but main plot won't change despite which one i eventually choose :))

okay so back to the crew lol <33 since that other post explains a lot of basic stuff about them feel free to ask specific questions about them now that you have info about them <3 but for now family time !!!

(specific warnings for this area some bad parents mentioned)

so david <3 ae is an only child with 2 moms, they are very sweet and amazing and extremely Extremely heartbroken when david never comes home after the park and stuff. they definitely had like plans for college visits and they had a car ready for when david was going to get aer license. the two of them are going to be pretty sad to write for in s3 i think but also i love them as characters (i was posting about them like last week lol they are very cute and fun when they arent sad </3)

hmm sophia's family <3 so her dad was born into the cult when it was a bit less strict (he was 'home-schooled' by the cult but also was allowed out bc his family is a main influential family) and her mom married in. they aren't the nicest parents by a long shot, and they only respect sophia because she became the leader. sophia does have a sibling however she doesn't know about them bc their parents kept them separate in order not to 'taint' sophia's godly touch

rebecca's family doesn't have too much going on, it is also an only child and her parents have been active in her life, not as great/caring as davids parents yet not uncaring either. rebecca really just lived with them her whole life and doesn't totally feel like it connected with its parents in any important way tbh

sunni ! so sunni grew up with only his mom and his sister and after the incident with carter (wait did i tell yall that was her name yet. thats the mutual best friends name in case i Didnt say that already <3) sunni's sister Mary ended up moving out with a friend and not keeping in touch with sunni or their mom again. she also changed her last name as soon as she legally could. but yeah so sunni doesn't have a very close relationship with his mom either and he has no relationship with his sister anymore which upests him a lot but he also keeps this close to him

and blair <3 so blair has 2 brothers (twins age 10 (i think)) named ben and bruno (named by My twin siblings so) and their parents are pretty bad. blair is very protective of their younger brothers and has been trying for a while to save up enough to move all of them out but hasn't quite yet. they fight really hard in the park to try and get out because they do not want to leave their brothers with out someone else to help and be there with them.

and i think thats it for a basic run over of all their families and the characters in general a bit <3 :)) feel free to ask any questions based on this post, the last post or like. literally anything <33 they are my passion project and i love BAP sooo very much <3

[riovano-sandrax]

Source is my fantasies about krs BCZ I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.ahem. 

Ok so we know that krs was a strategist in team 1 right? And from what we know even though he was a strategist he still went to the frontlines even if LSH and CJS told him not to.

And from what we know he didn’t have any other talents or skills like record (not instant bcz he gets that when he becomes team leader) 

So I had this idea that due to LSH and CJS opposition to him recklessly running to the frontlines, he decided to help them in ways other than strategy.

Which is what this au is about! SNIPER KRS HELL YAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAAYYAYYA 

If you think that normal bullets or weapons won’t work on the monsters, which you are right but what if the sniper and bullets he uses are created from a special ability user.

I don’t really have a name for them or gender or really anything appearance wise, but you can have them be mysterious or something or you creat an identity for them if you like.

But their ability isn’t support or attack based, not even healing or anything else.

It’s creation. Only weapons tho, which is plenty of things so they were dubbed the ‘special’ grade 1 ability user bcz of how useful it is. I didn’t really think of any rules or backlash the ability might have but you don’t really need to explain that.

So about how they(special grade 1 ability user) create the sniper for krs is up to you.

But they should probably know each other beforehand so setting up the convo can be easier.

But krs will probably be really straightforward and just go to their workshop or wtv and ask them to create it. Everything else is up to you.

So about how you’re gonna start the Fic I really want you to include both cale(og krs) and og krs..when he was og krs? 😭 

Timeline can be after cale stabbed him self with a chopstick, (you should probably not include hunters cuz they’re a bitch and just toooooooo much) or a few years prior to that event when they just be chilling in the villa and cale Vibing with his slacker life.

I should have probably explained this at first since all the things I said about og krd is when cale is recalling a record when he’s at the training grounds at the villa or black castle/castle of light? In the FOD.

So liek the wolf kids be training with Choi Han and Hannah and one of them (your choice) ask cale if he knows how to wield any type of weapons.

We know cale would say no but for the sake of this Fic….he’ll tell them.

And his family should probably know about the transmigration but no need to write that it’s too much. But say that they know about it and they chill.

So when one of them asks this question all of them focus on cale bcz they want to know too. Especially Choi Han (if he isn’t the one who asked) since he knows about the weapons on earth.

So yea cale says he wields a sniper they ask what that is (add convo of your choice and other people present when this convo happens if you want) amd fast forward to when cale is sketching out a blue print for a sniper.yes. They go to the lab and shit and stuff stuff I don’t want to write too much about this bcz it’s not important details I trust you can take care of that. So Rosalyn and Eruhaben are there cuz if not then where would they be lol. Cale gives the blue print to Eruhaben and told the group to get out so he can start creating it (ik they should probably go to a blacksmith or weaponsmith….? Idk but sniper pretty complicated and literally from another world so it’s should be handled by gramps) Choi Han asks about the bullets and cale says he wrote the formula and materials to make the stuff inside a bullet (yk the powder thingy that’s black) on the blue print.

So fast forward two days later or how ever much you want. The sniper is created and literally all of his family at this point heard of this new weapon and they’re very curious so all of them gathered in the training grounds (all of them should be there but you can choose who to include in dialogue and narration so yea ppl can be there but you just don’t know..)

Oh yea cale should probably wear headphones or the equivalent of headphones in that world I guess should probably exist since winter and the cold exist so yea OH EAR MUFFLERS I think that’s what they called so yea that.

It’s 12 rn so I’ll finish this tomorrow but the outline right now is:

1-Someone ask cale about weapon. He creat blue print. He request grandpa to make weapon

2-during the time Eruhaben the creating the sniper he recalls a record which is what I told you about I DONT WANNA WRITE UT AGIAN A

SHSBUHSBSH😭😭😭

3-weapon done. We go boom boom.

(I wrote this way before for one of my fav authors, but they’ve been busy lately so here do what you want with it)

[nanowrimo]

Back to School: Interview with Virginia Pratt, Young Writers Program Educator

NaNoWriMo’s Young Writers Program helps over 85,000 kids, teens, teachers, and families set creative goals and tell stories they care about. We asked some of our amazing YWP educators to share how they take on the NaNoWriMo challenge in their classroom. Today’s advice comes from Virginia Pratt, who has been an educator for over 35 years.

Q: What grade/ age level do you work with? What type of NaNoWriMo group is it (whole class, club, homeschool, elective, etc.)?

A: I teach 4th/5th Grade gifted/talented ELA.

Q: How long have you been doing NaNoWriMo with your students?

A: 4 years (this will be year 5)

Q: How do you structure the entire project (for example, do you start prepping in October and write in November, do you have kids work on it all year, etc.)?

A: I use the month of October to prep. We do a reading/writing workshop, and I find that the materials are great for helping me work with the students on understanding literary elements as we read in October and prepare for the writing in November. As students are working on crafting their own characters, we are studying the arc of character in reading—seeing how different events impact them, how they change over time, what conflicts they face, etc. We do this with setting, with plot arc, etc.

Q: What does a normal NaNoWriMo day look like for your students?

A: In November, once we are writing the stories, kids have their independent writing time to work on their stories. I read their work and confer with them, and they also have writing partners with whom they meet during the week. As they encounter struggle—dialogue, for example—we have mini-lessons on those things and then students continue to move forward. While they only have 20 - 30 minutes of writing time during the day, many kids opt to write at night and in other "choice times".

Q: How do you set and manage word-count goals?

A: I give the kids an example of what different word counts look like, once typed. I tell them the length of some texts they are all familiar with. I tell them my work count, and explain that I write/type much more quickly than they do. When they make their goal, I let that stand unless they come to me later and say they want to change their goal. Changing a goal (either increasing or decreasing) is not ever an issue.

Q: How do you manage grading? Do you grade?

A: Grades come from what I see them doing as a result of our entire process. I take grades on their reading comprehension and understanding of literary elements, figurative language, etc. All of those things are positively impacted by their work actually manipulating them in their own writing. I do give a grade based on effort and growth, and the students have a rubric/checklist of things I am looking for in their writing. They all get good grades because they are working with me in conferences and they are motivated to participate.

Q: How do you approach revision/ publishing (if at all)?

A: We do some revision work—as kids bring up areas that are causing them difficulty - during November, but we save most of that work for the month of January and the "Now What?" phase.

Q: Any NaNoWriMo tips or tricks to share with other educators? Hard-won lessons? Ah-ha moments?

A: I think it is really important to be accepting of what the kids want to try to do. The way the program materials are set up, if a child tries to write a piece with little to no substance, it's easy for me to go back to the workbook and say, "Okay, but why is your character doing this?" "What made him/her act this way?" "What conflict is impacting your character? " They realize pretty quickly that they are missing a lot of key information that they NEED to make a good story.

If a kid wants to do a comic book or graphic novel, I find a way to let them do that. We use storyboards or software that helps them put that together, and then handle the word count manually.

My focus is on getting them excited to write, and having them actually do writing. We can polish and improve the work later, but just getting them to tell a story and take the risk to put it out there is the most important part.

Q: Have you ever run into resistance from your administration about doing NaNoWriMo, and if so, how did you manage it? What do you say to people who don’t see the point of having students write novels? 

A: I haven't had any issues. Generally if anyone does question what we are doing, they stop questioning when they see how engaged the kids are.

Q: What are the most meaningful things you or your students take away from the project? What's your best NaNoWriMo memory?

A: The best part for us is that there is a true sense of being part of a greater community of writers who are all struggling/working together to get closer to a dream of being a published writer. We watch some of the videos NaNoWriMo posts that are appropriate for 10-11 year-olds, and we've also used some video tape of some of the write-ins where a topic is given for everyone to write on for 10 minutes. If I select those carefully, they really open the kids up to a different way of thinking about their writing. The best memories are around those kids who are so proud of how much they've written, or if they've met their goal.

Q: Anything else you'd like to add?

A: For me, the whole thing is about feeling and acting like a writer. The kids don't know it's possible until we let them try. Some surprise themselves AND me with what they can do. Even those who don't start off thinking of themselves as writers come out understanding more about the process and seeing where some of their strengths lie. It gives them something to build on as they move on through school and are asked to write. It's important that NaNoWriMo represents a measure of success for every kid. That works wonders in helping them to take further steps as writers.

Virginia Pratt has been an educator for 35 years, and currently works with 4th and 5th grade students. An avid reader and notebooker, Dr. Pratt loves bringing an appreciation of story to her students and strives to help them to feel like successful readers and writers every day. Dr. Pratt loves music, roller coasters, and naps and enjoys spending time with her family and friends and traveling.

[rhineposting]

If you want questions about women, then I have questions about Kikimora. What do you think of her? And isn't it strange that she was able to eavesdrop on all the conversations between Phillip and the Collector, but didn't tell anyone about it? And how did Phillip (I'M REALLY SORRY, I'M SORRY), who knows everything that happens in his castle, not notice her?

FINALLY-

I mean. Wow, I was really looking forward to someone asking about her!

As always, more below the cut.

So. I could never really put Kikimora in one box, which made her all the more fascinating to me and all the more eager to explore her psychology.

In the end, I came to a conclusion that she's a rare case of both an Unsympathetic Victim and Perpetrator at the same time, which I rarely see explored in media.

Of course, she's a different type of unsympathetic victim than Hunter from that short series of headcanons and studies, but rather similar still. She too yearned for Belos' affections and recognition, even rushing to help when he almost had another one of his outbursts. She abandoned her family for a position possibly closer to him (and she's already high up, even above Lilith) but most importantly...She was jealous of Hunter.

While being actively aware of the abuse he endured behind closed doors. While knowing what happened to previous Golden Guards, and possibly the plans regarding the Day of Unity.

Yet she still wanted to be as close to Belos as possible, and nothing besides being told to go die by the object of her adoration changed her mind. To me, it seems like Kikimora projected some sort of relationship (is that the right word) onto Belos, and I still can't figure out just what kind of relationship.

Ruler and his right hand?

Closest confidant?

Devil on the shoulder and the listener?

There's also a small possibility for that loyalty to be underlaid with something else entirely, but I'm not certain if I'm equipped to talk about it. Sometime ago, someone in my notes made a somewhat distasteful joke about Kikimora's situation in reply to someone else and I have been thinking about it since.

Then, there's also the perpetrator part.

Despite her being in a cult just as much as everyone else in the Emperor's Coven, she was pretty much the Chief cultist, without doubt verbally abusing scouts working for her at every occasion. On top of that, when in Agony of a Witch she saw Lilith returning from the Owl House, she seemed entertained by the possibility of her meeting with the Emperor going wrong and rubbed it in her face.

There's also the Hunter situation. Again, she knew everything. And she still tried her best to make his life worse. She still chose to bring him back to Belos.

Even though she's clearly a victim of propaganda and manipulation, that doesn't stop her from being both complicit and a perpetrator of abuse directed at others. A walking contradiction, which makes her all the more interesting to me. Is she an opportunist or a naïve fool who thought she could befriend the owner of the boot at her throat?

Guess we'll never know.

Now, as for why she didn't tell anyone about the Collector, I can think of three reasons.

Her loyalty to Belos, rooted in the belief that he above all else knew what was right and what was not.

That knowledge being exclusive to her could have proved useful later, babbling it out would have done her no good. Of course she didn't get to use it, but anyways.

No one would believe her that the Emperor keeps a child god from outer space in his workshop. Just writing that feels absurd.

As for how Belos supposedly didn't know...I think that's not actually the case.

In the Eclipse Lake episode, his one line of dialogue about Kikimora having her little schemes implies that he knew she was around and eavesdropping, on top of that planning on getting higher up the hierarchy. However, confronting her about it could have possibly deprived him of an important resource if she decided to desert or rebel, so he played along.

Right up until he didn't need her anymore, as she was supposed to be dying in the next few minutes. That would be the most logical and efficient way to go about it, I think.

As for my personal opinion of her, I want to throw her at a wall and put her brain until a microscope. I want to know and understand her thought processes so, so badly.

Final rating would be 7.5/10 as there's still very little to go off.

Thank you for asking.

ALSO I'M STILL NOT A THERAPIST OR A LICENSED PROFESSIONAL IN PSYCHOLOGY OF ANY KIND!!!!

[chaithetics]

porce Nonnie here! i’ve been summoned lol.

As always thank you for such a great one-shot, i died when Shiv kinda interjected about moving in with Tom, it was just so typically Shiv, to try to get the upper hand. Anyways when i do requests i guess i make them more detailed to just offer more options, i’m sorry if it didn’t mention it initially but never feel like you have to adhere to allllll my requests it’s more like throwing a bunch at the wall and seeing what sticks, so like never be afraid to alter them or even just not do them if that’s what your muse wants lol. like this is the fruits of your labor and your work so ur the boss 😎

as for what i thought Porces career would be (again feel free to go your own route). She would own a decently sized commercial space that she would operate as a fair trade cafe/bookstore and community space. She would hire struggling artists/writers/actors and pay them a fair liveable wage to not only operate the cafe/store but also host community events (like art galleries, workshops for vulnerable communities, fundraisers etc) so she has like capable staff meaning she doesn’t need to always be there. She holds fundraisers for causes she likes (makes Stewy bring his work colleagues and donate) and it’s funny i headcanoned that at first her employees would really side eye her, considering she is a roy, and a capitalist and they are socialists (borderline communists) but ofc need the money to live in such an expensive city so they’d suck it up. they kind of warm up to her and give her funny little lessons on meme culture and slang, (they would operate the cafes socials). Porce would really come to care for her employees and not to self insert but a few of them are queer artists and veer Porce to queer causes which she welcomes (especially after having children) but with the events of succession and Logan’s support of Mencken she can’t really stand around and do nothing, she can’t just be avoidant and try to “not talk politics” as the employees she cares about are really the ones who will directly suffer. She experiences their emotions and they might even lash out at her (some might quit) and it really shocks her into action, maybe leading to the confrontation of her father. (idk i’m thinking this up as i go).

i also had one more headcanon, and really this one was inspired by your writings, how tender Porce was with her babies 🥹🥹🥹. put it’s pretty much at the birth of jonathan, and even though she’s been doing therapy after she has him she really just breaks down crying because she loves him sooooo much, already and he’s only been alive for minutes. And it’s kind of her letting go of feeling like it was her fault Caroline didn’t love her. like rationally she knows she couldn’t have done anything wrong that quick but now she kinda understands something was broken in her mother to discard her so quickly. also realizes how Logan must have contributed to that bc Stewy's support was incredibly important to her labourand she knows how logan is. And she quietly loves Jonathan and has Stewy embrace her and thank her for making their family grow.

Hello lovely Porce Nonnie! Thank you for appearing for your summoning haha!

Aw, thank you so much! That part was definitely the hardest one of this fic, I was worried about the flow of it and capturing it. I'm really glad that you liked it!

I love how detailed your prompts are! I genuinely do, they're so special and thoughtful! I think this technically makes you my muse in a way haha? But thank you Nonnie, I appreciate you saying that anyway! I am a people pleaser and despite all the amazing support, I still feel like my writing isn't great, so I just worry about disappointing you and other Nonnies when writing the requests, I guess? I'm working on the people-pleaser/anxiety stuff haha. But thank you, I appreciate it x

Okay, I just looked at your original asks with the prompts so we can create a little masterplan for a career (the closest to an architect I'll ever be lol 😎). Which mentioned the NFP that has support and services for underprivileged mothers. I can totally see that! (I'm going to alter the commercial space a little bit here...) Maybe in a borough like the Bronx and it's a community centre with services like mental health support, some pregnancy-related ones, clothing/period product donations etc. and it includes free community events and fundraisers (would definitely drag Stewy and all of his/her sibling's finance bros and their cheque books along) like different types of art classes, music and language classes, creative writing workshops, 'diverse' book readings, drag queen story hour events (I could also see this linking to the publishing idea and I think after talking about it I'm more sold on it?!) These are done by local/smaller creatives and they're handsomely compensated along with a bit of gallery space there as well for them. I do like the publishing idea so I'll chuck that in there as well and I can see that fitting in with what's been discussed. Even though I like to think Porce is a bit nicer than the other Roys, she is a Roy and she's also married to Stewy and like you said, they're all massive capitalists. This might be getting a bit too political for a fic for some people's taste lol but it's a fact that an ethical billionaire does not exist. There's wishful thinking in the fics but I can't be that wishful with those capitalist billionaires 😂I feel like a Fairtrade coffeeshop/bookstore is just too normal/ethical and they'd all be too out of touch for that if that makes sense? And she'd be lovely to the employees but I think her being out of touch would show and that she wouldn't interact with them too much/be on the ground. She'd pay her employees well, would be more than happy to support queer employees and queer causes, she would definitely be an ally 💅I'm also queer and am happy for people to think Porce is queer and to have a bi or pan identity written in, don't apologise for a self-insert they're more than welcome lovely Nonnie! I think that some would warm up more than others but they'd all find her/her life absolutely ridiculous.

Do you remember last year I think it was, when there was the whole "little miss (insert something)" meme going around? I can totally see them calling her "little miss philanthropist" and then having to explain it to her. She'd tell Kendall about it and he'd have a few that he's found that he's related to and wanted to send to someone and he'd start playfully calling her that (it's happened, I know. Ken told me).

I know you put some prompts in about the bear hug/proxy battle and I have started a fic for the bear hug/Shiv's wedding. That will obviously put a divide between her and her family and I feel like that starts to create more distance and then with what happens in S2 with cruises it creates more and cements the distance. We see Kendall has some kind of moral compass at times but it tends to be the cover/justification for him doing something that benefits him/fires back at is dad and is performative. I think porce is definitely not perfect because she's part of those systems but I like to think she has more of a genuine moral compass and is really horrified and disgusted at what happened and her family's involvement and complicity. I think she'd be very openly anti-Mencken and when Shiv's in that picture with him in S3 I feel like she'd call Shiv and be absolutely disappointed and basically scold her which would shock her. She'd be vocally upset with Kendall about the events of America Decides as well.

OH, I LOVE THAT LAST IDEA NONNIE! OMG!

I've had a couple of requests/questions about the reaction to Jonathan/similar to this and I had started to write one based on one of the other ones and I had pictured a scene similarish to part of what you described which is so cool! I think I'll combine those prompts/ideas into a fic and maybe it'll be this week's edition of Porce and the Shark...👀(I think it's so wholesome and I LOVE IT). Such a beautiful idea Nonnie, thank you!

Let me know if you have any thoughts, I'm also happy to chat about this in comments, ask box or over messages! Sorry for how long this became Nonnie, I appreciate and adore you so much! Thank you 💗

[lgcmjun]

WORKSHOP OPPORTUNITY 001:

“thank you for having me”, minjun offered, as soon as he closed the door behind him. his voice was surprisingly calm due to the weight of what was about to happen in the next moments. it could define his future and he just hoped he’d do well.

he should be nervous and that would be his normal reaction, considering that was a concrete chance for him to shine and be acknowledged by his coaches, but that didn’t come - he was more anxious than nervous as he took the steps toward the coach, sitting on a chair, having only a table separating them.

minjun offered them another polite bow and waited for them to start talking and the questions didn’t take long to come.

what do you think are your strengths right now? 

he didn’t have to give it much thought to answer that - truthfully they were the only options because they were obvious. “my dancing would come in the first place. there’s always room for improvement, but i do believe with the help of my coaches i’m becoming more confident in accomplishing whatever routine we’re supposed to learn. my singing would come second and i strongly believe i fell for my singing voice once i realized what i should do to improve and i can say i’m confident that since my first video, so much has changed. and last but not least, none of those two mentioned would be as important as performing. if i ever had any doubt about becoming an idol, after performing during my time here, especially during the last family con, i think i don’t have it anymore. i like to think i’m good at keeping the audience entertained but also being part of the show as an important piece of a whole scenario.”

what are three skills that you would like to work on starting 2024? 

“rapping, i wanna get in touch with rhymes and the flow, i believe the coaches and some of my fellow trainees could help me improve and along with that i need to work more on my music composition, so i can write my own verses and give you a perspective of how i see everything around me. i don’t want just to repeat other people’s words, i want to write my own. along with these, i feel i should practice my english, i should put more effort into learning and improving since i aim to be part of a global group, this way it gets less burdensome to others and i can communicate better with the fans.”  

if given a chance, what types of gigs would you be interested in participating? 

minjun sounded mostly excited to answer that and with a smile, he promptly did it, “variety and hosting a podcast! i have this idea you know and i don’t know if i can talk about this informally, but i would love to join one of those culinary shows, i like cooking and i think if there’s any cooking show i would love to join and show my talents. as for podcasts, i’m always interested in knowing people, and perhaps help them, either by giving advice and yes, i’m aware i’m still young but you know we shouldn’t be taken for granted, some of us do have good things to say and i would love to be part of a podcast where we could give young people advice or just interview them, and learn more about whatever they do.”

during your time here in legacy, what are some of the lessons that you've learned about yourself? 

minjun let out a sigh and it was not at all something bad. he’s thinking about his journey until these days and with his answer he hoped he could show his sincerity. “i learned we’re never alone and some might think that this means we’re always being watched and yes we are but it’s not a bad thing. i learned that i’m not alone and it’s okay to lean on other people and ask them for help. but it’s not just a move that we make, i learned i grew more open to welcoming my fellow trainees that ask for help and understood that i can also be someone people use as an inspiration. but above all, i learned to be more confident and that harsh words aren’t always an attempt to bring you down, but a way to make you grow a tough skin, so you will be someone stronger, focused, and complete.”

[cd-covington]

This is probably more of a personal preference question, but where do you draw the line between using existing words and making new words for a piece/world? It can get ridiculous in some cases, but there are a lot of words that have implications that you don’t necessarily want to invite into the story. I’m trying to write a deeply religious society without the implications of cultural Christianity, but I don’t think reading a book where I create half the vocabulary would be fun for anyone but me.

Hi @workofthehands!

This is one of the oldest questions in SFF writing, and I don't know if there's a good answer for it. Way back in 2009, the SFWA published the Turkey City Lexicon as a guide to writing workshops for beginners, and one of the entries says not to call a rabbit a smeerp. That's apparently a reference to Larry Niven, but I've never read him, so *shrug*. But what the existence of this line item suggests is that writers want to show off their cool world with these horse or rabbits that aren't Earth horses or Earth rabbits, so they make up names for them, and this can confuse or annoy a reader.

Of course, not all subgenres are equal, and in cyberpunk and related genres where the tech and the vibes are important, you see a lot of invented names for things, many of which may or may not exist in the real world, and people who read these genres expect it.

If you have a large lizard/bird-like creature that fills the niche of a horse on your planet, like CJ Cherryh's mecheiti, obviously call it whatever you want. If you call it a horse, your readers will have obvious expectations about its behavior and appearance.

If you have humans going from one planet to another, where they find animals that are kinda like horses but not quite, they can call them horses or maybe not-horses or maybe something you make up. But consider the following:

When Europeans crossed the Atlantic, they found birds with red breasts that sort of resemble the robins of Europe, so they called them robins. North American and European robins aren't even in the same family of birds!

So, in general, I'd say it depends on the specific situation and on the person.

I assume you're asking about things like cussing and blasphemous language, and maybe about things like "priest" or "rosary," so that's the direction I'm going in. I also assume this is an invented religion. Also, I was raised mainstream protestant in the US (United Methodist, mostly) but am not currently a believer.

Cuss words usually reflect what a society finds sacred and what they find dirty. Or as Melissa Mohr put it in her book Holy Shit, the holy and the shit. It's a really fun book about the history of English swearing, and I recommend it.

So you could, for example, make a list of things your society & religion find sacred and what they find dirty and build your cussing around that. Alternatively (or perhaps additionally), you could make a list of the culturally Christian terms you need a substitute for and make them up based on the first set of lists.

Everyone's line is a little different. I personally dislike smeerps but find mecheiti perfectly fine. I think for me, it's the difference between something that exists in the real world and something that doesn't. But with swearing and insults, invent with impunity. I think a lot of genre readers are happy to go along with frells and fraks.

I hope that answers your question! If I assumed wrong about what you're asking, reblog with more details and I'll see what I can do :)

--

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