#i wanted to finish this earlier but i was tired :[
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Bye bye Sebek, :]
(he didnāt stand a chance, poor guy :[Ā )
#twisted wonderland#twst#sebek zigvolt#ace trappola#deuce spade#jack howl#epel felmier#art#ram's art#i am fully aware i am late toĀ Ā actually .Ā noticing the poll-#i wanted to finish this earlier but i was tired :[#anyways i'm just glad i got this done whilst sebek's birthday is still being celebrated in the game - it's comedic timing#'happy birthday!Ā Ā Ā bye! :]]]]] '#oh yea i did vote ace btwĀ Ā - the second i made the poll i immediately smashed that button :]#i have a 'bully ace' instinct embedded in my soul what can i say-#also shout out to this being my first time drawing all these characters except for jack-Ā Ā ... which.#now that i think about it i dont think i posted that whole drawing thing..Ā Ā huh-#welp too late nowĀ :']
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a serious piece, and a nonsensical doodle.
The second one is a reference to this video.
#fionna and cake#fionna and cake fanart#adventure time#adventure time fanart#simon petrikov#ice prince#ice king#winter king#the winter king#fionna and cake spoilers#jorts#brian david gilbert#bdg#do i know how to render? not really not#lmao#i got sick this week#im so tired#the first one i wanted to post earlier with the sailor fionna one but yeah i didnt finish it until now#stuff i made
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MY BRAINS NOT WORKING AND THE CUTE BOY I WORK WITH KEEPS CORRECTING MY GRAMMAR THIS IS SO AHAIWIAKSDHDGRRRRHRNE
#dhakaksdjs fuckdwkufeisfjsjajsueei#im using a translator and it keeps outputting ęØ instead of ä½ and he keeps calling it out like bro ur making it awkward#AND IM LIKE SORRY I CANT ACTUALLY WRITE IN THIS LANGUAGE IM REALLY DU M. BB#also he offered to take over the last part bc i was like hi its almost 9pm here and i literally cannot think anymore#like i am certain its a very easy last part my brain is just finished#i feel so bad bc i wanted to push this proj over the line#this company is so intense i am so baby i am so tired#hugging my cat and rubbing my gross face all over his gross body#me in vc trying to figure out how to say: it was broken earlier idk how it was fixed u saw it was broke tho right#but all that came out was: in the past it wasā¦.problematicā¦ *20 yr silence*#before he awkwardly went: um its okay i dont think this is necessary also u have lint issues#and i was just like yaā¦.i know š#its ambiguous to some of my teammates if i just dont understand them or if im fking dumb#its probably both im ngl#the blank stare i have on my face is first from trying to comprehend what the actual words they are saying mean#and then to comprehend what technical concept they are trying to convey#using like 50% of the information i managed to parse out#also im used to literally spending 30-40% of the working day talking smack#now i try to crack and joke and everyone is like three this isnt the time#three we are all gonna be hear past 9pm working this isnt the time
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Whoops, I forgot to share the Dungeon Meshi merch I got in Tokyo last month. Which wasn't much tbh. Since I was with family, I couldn't be like "Hey, let's go into this anime store spanning 8 floors!" And the sole time I visited Akihabara, the only shop still open was Don Quijoteā¦However! I went to the Tsutaya in Shibuya, the one that re-opened recently across from the station. And at the very top, they had a small pop-up of Dungeon Meshi merch.
I bought a badge and what I assumed was an acrylic stand, but it's more like a big keychain? I was planning to go back to get something for a friend, and maybe the towel, but I ran out of timeā¦ Also, apparently they were giving away postcards if you spent 2,000 yen too? I didn't know that! I would have spent more otherwise š
I also found a couple of Dungeon Meshi gachapon machines in Magnet, the mall across from Tsutaya. The only ones I saw, in fact. Not that I checked every capsule centre I came acrossā¦
I wish I could have obtained all the mushroom ones, but the machine had maybe 2 capsules left, and I was out of coins. However, I did manage to get Senshi too. He's already attached to my backpack š
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#dunmeshi#senshi#marcille donato#walking mushroom#laois touden#chilchuck#tsutaya#i have so many keychains attached to my backpack. or rather attached to one keychain attached to my backpack...#this was like 3 weeks ago now. so i have no idea if the tsutaya stuff is still being sold...#really wish i went back! it was just my sister leaving a day earlier than the rest of us#and she wanted to spend some time around asakusa where we were staying before heading back to harajuku (which is close to shibuya)#then she faffed around too long and ended up abandoning her plans to finish packing#so i ended up going to the skytree instead since it was closer and we still had to have dinner before she left#after that it was like it takes half an hour to get to shibuya. half an hour to get back. and i was so tired...#hmm...
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progressing through the myth of sisyphus again
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#netzach#netzach lobcorp#obligatory drawings. ive had the book since my freshman year in highschool but never ended up finishing it due to how its worded and the#structure of it.. i need to be in a very specific state to be able to focus. mostly for reading in general but even more so for this#i have done parts though. never in its entirety which is a shame its a very intriguing read. hopefully i can finish it and then reread to#fully process. it is just 138 pages after all. its just so Dense... enough of book shit though. LOBCORP!!!#living hurts but the body yearns for preservation and people want to Live. to live is such a crucial want even if the self doesn't recognize#it on its own. everything in the flesh is designed to try and keep you alive. pains to eat the signals to drink the fear of hurt and pain#the automatic jerk when pain is experinced. the signals to show pain. yet living hurts. to survive hurts. so to sleep#to numb the pain to go through escapism to shut your eyes. general ideas. to see such a thing addressed and spoken about and acknowledgement#of pain and how it gets to that point was very stunning to me. it felt so real. seriously its hard to Not consider such a thing and its#rather scary? moreso when one doesnt have the words to explain or able to see such a thing experinced. it felt amazing? to see such a thing#Wanting to Die yet not to Die and to live but living hurt so much and so to get by and for the pain to Stop one does anything to soothe it#suffering is tiring. suffering hurts. its empty yet its excruciating. the want for it to stop and to not be there and experince it anymore#be it through various means or to the extreme to force it so that Nothing Else could ever happen to you. even pain. ahh nuts not quite just#lobcorp its just ramblings in general somewhat related since i didnt reread the exact dialog lately.#anyway skethcy drawings yay... i am fine currently its not super bad as it was earlier just a fatal flaw of thinking a lot (rip)
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#well I just submitted my essay for my history class so I'm finally done with finals#I wish I felt happier or relieved or something but I don't. I feel awful. my body hurts from the incredible amount of tension/anxiety I had#trying to finish it before 11:59. I submitted it at 11:55. I have never come that close before and I hate it#the amount of anxiety I had you'd think the deadline was hunting me for sport#and what's worse is I felt all this anxiety and put all this work into it and I'm not even happy about it#I spent two days trying to figure out what he wanted us to write about because apparently he just seems to be really bad at instructions#like I thought maybe it was just me overthinking but I spent two hours talking to my mom about it and in the end even she couldn't figure i#so then I had only two days to gather notes make an outline write an essay. while burnt out and barely able to focus.#and while not knowing exactly what I was doing like is this what he wants. is it not. who knows I literally don't have time left#to figure it out I just need to write something and hope it works#but I hate being unsure it makes everything harder#especially because I really wanted to make a good grade. this was the class where I made a 78 on my midterm#which brought my class grade to a B but I'd been able to get it back to an A and I'd be able to keep it if I got like an 80ish on the final#the essay turned out okay idk if it's what he wanted but whatever at least I got the other requirements like word count and sources#but the CITATIONS...we had to use chicago which I'd never used before and let me just say. mla is the love of my life after this.#actually chicago might not be that bad if I got used to it I think my violence should be directed toward every word processor#that links footnotes. it is so STUPID that there isn't an easier way to make them different#if it hadn't been for trying to figure out footnotes on google docs I could've submitted it like ten minutes earlier#and with phenomenally less stress#I eventually had to make a choice as to what I'd give up: (1) submitting it on time (2) perfect citations or (3) word doc#which is what he wanted it submitted as#except when I tried that thank goodness I looked at the preview before I submitted it because I saw that it'd messed up the citations#I ended up submitting it as a pdf. on time. with perfect (maybe) (I didn't have time to double check) citations. but not as a word doc.#is it the end of the world? idk probably not but not meeting a professor's requirements is like. anathema.#all of that is to say that I'm going to cry and then let it go and get to bed and just. idk. I've reached that point where#I'm so tired and numb that it feels like I'll never feel better#anyway#maybe I hurt because of my meds and the side effects decided to kick in now because the grace of God held them back long enough#for me to finish#earl crow ramblings
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ok. what is so special about this new farming sim. what makes it not Just Another Farming Sim
#im just tired at this point . like is there something unique about it or#i wish rf5 was good unfortunately its kind of sucks. i still might finish it eventually tho#but ill probably just play rf4. i like that those ones have like. monsters. & combat#there was some spooky fantasy lookin one i found a little while ago. kind of cutesy halloween vibes it looked like. idr if i bought it#i dont know anything abt this new one everyone is talking abt maybe ill look into it more#but from the brief search i did earlier it kind of didnt really draw me in#also i definitely thought the blacksmith(? i think. red hair) was a girl & i was kinda disappointed to find out i was wrong .#i think its bc he reminded me of nami from hm/sos a wonderful life lmAO the hair & expression...#actually i kind of want to get sos:awl now (i wont bc i cant actually afford it but i want to)#another wonderful life was the first harvest moon game i played so id like to see how the new one compares
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Oh no. I want to DO THINGS. I have. GOALS. Horrible timing. I have. Aspirations. And they will be short-lived. Hopefully.
#i want to make things and create and make a fun more suitable body#oh god#the pumpkin head wasnt enough#i need to remove the bodies face#sigh. curses are not being allowed to wear full face masks at school. only normal masks#atleast people can only see my eyes#wretched body.....#the curses are telling me to make a mask but we have no time / āļø#im thinking of making a bunch of them design a mask and I'll make a smaller version of it#as a plan sort of!#/āļø still#ah#earlier š« and š were going to finish this post#but here i am#they're still here! body is just tired and brain is fast but in every direction#sorry if this seems weird! confusing#hard to explain this all and thus is mostly for future stuff#save#ah... we sleep now
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ok i need to get my group to finish the project and edit my thesis and thatās it!!!!!!!technically i have until july 8th to edit but maybe i could get it done before saturday???? but then iād have to have it finished my friday early afternoon hmmmm
#bc my promotor leaves on saturday and he will be gone for a week#which isnāt a problem like i donāt have to finish it before#but im so tired of this lol i want to have it done#and then maybe i could have my defense earlier#š
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just crocheted for like eight hours straight
#I was making a dinosaur and.#usually for a project of this size Iād do it over a couple days#but I got halfway through the body and didnāt want to stop#also earlier in class I noticed a weird cut on my hand#that I had no memory of getting#I noticed while crocheting that the ācutā is in the exact shape the yarn rubs against my finger#so mystery solved :v#man I was in a trance or something wtf#I was getting pretty tired by the time I finished the body but now the exhaustion is really hitting me#hopefully I donāt do this again because I wrecked my already bad sleep schedule#and probably fucked up my arms and neck and back
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I will say while I've loved most of elden ring I'm really glad I'm down to just 2 more main boss fights (malenia + maliketh) before I start the endgame boss fights... whew š®āšØ
#really gorgeous world but frankly its unnecessarily long. theyre gonna kill me for saying that but its true..#some areas/bosses just become overly repetitive when the game is THAT massive like its unavoidable#they tried rly hard to distinguish every area + honestly its a great effort but it couldve been half the size and just as good#like i just did the elphael ulcerative tree spirit bc i wanted to finish millicents questline. and come on man we didnt need another one#the design is sick + loooove the animation. but its a bad fight not bc of the difficulty but bc its janky as hell#lock on doesnt work properly bc of its size and the way it moves. u cant see shit on ur screen fighting them melee its just hack n slash#and theyre always in the most dogshit arenas possible for them like spaces w no maneuverability. its just not fuuuun#especially after youve fought 5 or 6 already earlier on in the game..#and its cool to have variations like the scarlet rot ones but we already HAD one of those just before lake of rot!! the gimmicks worn off#i did everything except maliketh in farum azula today as well and again. it didnt need to be that long. killing beastmen gets boring#after like the first 20 combat is just mashing buttons.. even the platforming is getting dull bc ive done 120 hours of it now#and theres only so many combinations of ladders and hallways and so on that u can possibly cram in here..#i say all this with fondness like i truly do love it. but it couldve been a lot tighter! regardless ill still 100% complete it#and i get most ppl dont try to get every single armament and talisman etc so they probably dont waste time FULLY exploring like i am#ahhh. anyway ill probably do malenia and maliketh tmr bc im right outside both of their arenas. and then call it quits this weekend#ill get my first ending next weekend probably... and hopefully by june ill have 100% and then i can play something else š#ik the dlc comes out in june but ill probably take a month or two break before i get to that#it doesnt even neeeed a dlc.......its excessive as it is just make a new game by this point ahhhhh#anyway its like 1am i need to SLEEP. i said i would go out to watch for northern lights but its overcast and im tired and my roommate#didnt wanna come with.. so i was gonna go to bed early instead but i guess that didnt happen lol#gonna feel like shit tomorrow bc i have to be up early to take my meds and she'll wake me up anyway.. but cross that bridge#typing is getting difficult bc im so sleepy okay goodnight everyone#.diaries
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going to esplod
#like three hrs of sleep bc i was STRESSING bc my boss implied i would lose my position if i didnāt get this work done for him by our 6pm#meeting. meeting comes dude straight up forgot#i did get a nap earlier but augh it was not enough. stayed up late again for another assignment SND a presentation tomorrow#which thankfully i did prep last week but augh. donāt want to do this#cute outfit save me. iām so tired#and iām not even done w the other assignment so i have to use my between classes time to finish all the text + symbology for the map#and i LOVE doing it itās just very time consuming bc iām nitpicky and i procrastinate#anyway. eepy. wish me luck for my presentation in the morning
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#I have spent. 8 almost 9 hours resetting my laptop. I chose the option to keep all my files but uninstall apps. and it has been restarting#and installing for almost 9 hours. yeah I get that the process will be long. but ffs#I have been bored the past few hours so I watched the smile movie bc I got reminded of it yesterday#it was pretty bad. the couple gorey scenes towards the end were nice but some of the acting and writing was just terrible#I was also hoping the movie wouldāve taken a different turn. I think it wouldāve made it more.. idk. I canāt think of the right term.-#-it just wouldāve made it better I think.#Iāve also eaten a lot today. more than I usually do. more than I have in months and years and im upset about that. im already bloated.#I hope I donāt work tomorrow. I have to call in in the morning to check. and I donāt mind working but rn I just kind of want to spend the#day relaxing#Iāve spent almost 9 hours on this resetting part. and 4 extra hours trying to simply repair it in restarts#I also need to clean up my room. a lot of it. and clean my pets cage. itās ant season now and im really stressed about that#the smell of sharpie returns and I am just. overwhelmed. I have 3 days to prepare for my special week long activity and im not happy about-#-that.#I also had some feelings earlier that im stressed over too.#im being vague about that bc i just donāt want to go off about that to everyone#im tired and overwhelmed i just want my laptop to finish resetting so i can stop fretting about this. i want to sleep#im tired. of so much#to delete later
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i made the mistake of opening the jellycat website.
they have a jack russell now. it has one black spot across its back like jazzy.
#tags turned into a ramble-y vent be warned#mistakes were made#i do not have the money nor the emotional capacity for yearning#there are so many that are super cute#like the quinn fox and sigmund seal and all the octopi and they have a new spider plush!!!#i am in so much pain and i have nothing that stops it and i just. want to not be dealing with anything i am right now#i tried lifting my tea earlier and i started to cry because of how painful and exhausting it was.#enough so that i didn't finish it which is an indicator of how i am going#feeling a bit better now -- i am not as fatigued but. still in so much pain and sitting upright is tiring.#but it really really doesn't help the emotional stuff going on#i desperately want jellycat to make a black and white border collie too#so i can have a poppydog again#i miss her so fucking much#she was my good girl and i miss her.#i miss jazzy right now too. i want her here with me and i want her to cuddle me and stick her nose in my teacup#i just. feel bad.#i hate feeling out of control like this and yet i. cannot fucking accept help#and i'm such a hypocrite with it but i just. i can't. i don't know what i need#i want someone to take care of me but i don't know how to ask or be vulnerable. i physically need someone to wrestle me into care#i don't even know what i'm saying.#i have so many things in my head and just. saying them aloud feels scary. even typing this into vague nonspecific existence. i don't know.#i don't know.#i feel out of control and i hate it.#but. i just. need to feel out of control safely i guess?#someone else take it and just.
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finally finished Claireās scenario in RE2Rā¦ i literally want to scream WHY WAS IT SO DIFFICULT
#that boss fight had me wanting to tear my hair out#iām so tired but i kinda wanna play leonās now#or maybe i should actually finish that scene from earlier i was writing#or maybe i should go to bed#hmm so many options
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looking at dedicated too moonlight lyrics one second n forgetting the next š«¶š¼š«¶š¼
#š.rambles#i just want a glimpse but i don't want to rmb yk š„ŗ not rn at least when i haven't listened to it properly#like. love conspire n uh maiden stuff n songbirds n fly n fear not n follow stuff#i am. so excited#the lyrics r gna resonate w me so much for sure HDLKAFJSDLKF#menphina. š¤#i'm gna write so much when i finally listen to it#NYWAYS NO CLASSES TOMORROW#we're gna submit tmrrw though. like. i'll just finish the script sob yeah it sucks so bad how#me n my other classmate the main researchers n writers have been sick lately :^)#for me i mean. there were my cramps like earlier this week n i've been really tired lately but#actually no i do feel sick lmfao my head aches a lot :<<#yeah not feeling well enough to rlly be productive .#menphina though#'follow the moonlight fear not what you find'#'i am guided by moonlight / for the first time so alone fearing no shadow'#my heart. MY HEART#menphina my beloved hdflakdjsfla ><#i love the moon so much
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