#i am in so much pain and i have nothing that stops it and i just. want to not be dealing with anything i am right now

[motorsportbarbie13]

Aftermath - Chapter 3

When Lando leaves you heartbroken after you get tired of trying to make nothing into something for far too long, Max steps in to help you pick up the pieces.

warnings: this chapter contains language and descriptions that illustrate abuse (mental and emotional). lando is abusive, full stop but like many survivors of abuse, it takes reader a bit to claw herself out of this. as a survivor of abuse myself, I am doing my best to give this story line the most respect and care that i can. please don't engage with my work if you find any of the topics triggering.i'd also like to point out that this is a character i am writing, i in no way am insinuating or implying the real lando is like this in any way. pairing: max verstappen x leclercsister!reader word count: 4.9k

(Extra special shout out to @nitaekook for beta reading and holding my hand through this fic 😂❤️)

Aftermath - MV33 - Chapter 1 Aftermath - Chapter 2 Master List

“Where do you want these plates to go, my dear?” Jade asks from across the kitchen. 

You glance up at her from your spot on the brand new couch that was just delivered to the new apartment that morning. You’re sitting cross legged unpacking a box of the few things that you had brought over from the old apartment. In the kitchen, your best friend Jade (who is also Arthur’s girlfriend of about a year thanks to your meddling) stands holding up one of the new plates that you bought with her yesterday. 

“Wherever there’s room.” You say with a shrug, not really caring where the plates go because everything feels weird.

The apartment is pristine with its gorgeous hardwood flooring that Charles had refinished before you moved in, floor to ceiling windows that face out towards the water, and that new house smell that is totally unfamiliar and a little unnerving. You should be happy, shouldn’t you? Finally being free of the stifling apartment that you had shared with Lando should fill you with so much optimism and a sense of relief, shouldn’t it? But that’s not the case. Not even close. You’re scared and nervous and just the thought of deciding where those plates should go seems like the heaviest question you've ever been asked.

 Simply picking out the plates yesterday with Jade had been an ordeal and you had needed to take several moments to yourself while shopping. You liked your old plates that you had bought with Lando the week you moved in with him but at the same time, the thought of taking those to your new apartment was more painful than leaving them behind.

Jade must notice your anxiety because as soon as she finishes putting the plates and bowls in whatever cabinet that suits her fancy, she comes over to sit next to you on the couch. When she wraps her arm around your shoulders you melt into her in a desperate attempt to stop a fresh flood of tears from falling. It seems as if all you’ve done since leaving the old apartment was cry and if you’re not crying, you’re barely fighting off an incoming panic attack and jumping with every ding of your phone. 

“What’s going on, my love?” Her voice is gentle, like she’s talking to an injured animal that she doesn’t want to spook. It makes you feel pathetic, helpless, and angry for how much Lando has damaged you when he should have been loving you. 

You’ve known Jade for years now and she’s always been one of your closest friends. It was Jade that had been the first of your friend group to pull you aside almost a year ago to ask you if you were truly happy with Lando. She had seen the light dim in your eyes as your relationship with him progressed and watching you lose your spark had scared her. When you had told her the morning after your art show last month that you had finally decided to leave Lando, it had been so hard for her to tamp down her excitement that you had finally worked up the courage to leave him. 

“I should be happy, right?” You ask, voice cracking a bit with the heavy weight of what closing the door on the apartment for the very last time had done to you that morning. “I mean, I know I’ve been miserable for…” You scoff, “a really long time so shouldn’t I feel something other than heartbreakingly sad?” 

Jade tips her head so it rests on your shoulder, a humming sound playing at the back of her throat. “You’ve been with him for a long time, of course you’re going to be heartbroken. Youu’re doing the right thing though, I promise you. He couldn’t even stop playing that stupid video game long enough to support you last month!” 

You nod, memory flickering back to the fight in the hallway in front of Max. You hadn’t heard much from him in the weeks since that night aside from a few texts here and there and you had expected that. He probably was mortified at how you had behaved, embarrassed for you that you had allowed yourself to be treated that way in front him.

You wouldn’t have blamed him if he thought you were a weak little girl who deserved the treatment Lando doled out to you. It was the only way you could rationalize his silence. Seeing how far you’d fallen, how much you’d changed, had obviously had an effect on Max and he had decided he’d seen enough. It didn’t surprise you and you didn’t blame him. Jade was one of your only remaining friends and losing yet another person you trusted and valued in your life was just another thing Lando had taken from you. 

“I’m just so glad you finally are taking your power back, love. I know it feels all wrong right now but when you go from the chaos that you’ve been living in for so long, I’m sure the calm of this apartment feels wrong. You’ll get used to it. It might take some time but you’ll get used to it.” 

Your head swivels around to look your best friend and you search her face for any sign of her lying to you. You desperately want to believe she’s right, that you’re making the right choice. You know you are, deep down in your soul, but you’ve been with Lando for so long and have spent so many nights listening to him rant and rave about how he’s the only one who could ever deal with your dramatics that you wonder if Jade is wrong and Lando is the one who’s been right all along. You don’t voice the doubts though, knowing that those kinds of things are something that you should probably keep to yourself. So instead of voicing all of the fears that are bouncing around in your chest, making it feel heavy and tight with the pressure of doing something that absolutely terrifies you, you just nod and lean further into Jade’s shoulder.

 “I know.” You whisper, staring out over the open living room that is littered with small boxes and suitcases. 

With the help of your brothers and Jade, you had started moving your things out slowly while Lando had been otherwise distracted. Just a small box of clothes and trinkets here and there, over the last month while Charles had the apartment renovated and cleaned. When it was finally ready last week, you had begun looking for furniture and making final plans. 

The timing had worked out perfectly, with the apartment finally being finished perfectly aligning with a weeklong trip Lando had planned to go to Woking to spend time in the sim at the MTC. He rarely bothered you during these working trips, hell he barely bothered you during any of this trips, but his work trips were different, so you knew you’d have a solid week to get everything that mattered to you out of the apartment before he would be any wiser. 

“He’s going to be so mad when he comes home and my things are gone.” You murmur, staring down at your phone which hadn’t received so much as a text message from him in almost 48 hours. 

You hadn’t bothered telling Lando you were leaving, that you were done with him. You shied away form confrontation on even the best of days so telling the man that you’d spent the last three years building a life together that you were leaving him was terrifying. When you had started moving small boxes out while Lando was still in town, you had half expected him to notice but that had never been a problem. He hadn’t even noticed you leaving on several occasions with boxes of your books or suitcases of clothes. 

A larger part of you had another reason for not telling him, though. You knew that if you told him before you were fully moved out he’d try to get you to stay. He’d try to convince you that things would get better, that this time would be different. All the things that he’s said before when you spent the night crying over his neglect. And you knew you’d fall for it. You knew you’d go running back to him if you didn’t get out before he found out. Lando was persistent and an expert manipulator, you knew that and you still fell for it over and over again so this time you were trying to give yourself the chance to put yourself first and not fall back into his trap. 

“He’s going to learn his lesson when he comes home and finds that you’re finally moving on.” Jade says, tone firm but still gentle. She knows what it’s like to be in a relationship like you have with Lando and when you had called her that morning last month to tell her you were finally leaving him, she had decided she was going to make sure she’d do everything in her power to keep you from going back to him. Getting you unpacked and settled in your new apartment was a huge step forward, one Jade hadn’t been sure you would end up following through with. 

You nod, hoping she’s right but you have a feeling deep in your gut that when Lando gets back into town tomorrow morning he’s not going to see it that way. He’s going to be angry and he’s going to try to get you to come back home to him. 

Looking around your new apartment though, you feel something settle in your bones that you haven’t felt in a very long time. It’s a feeling of attachment to this place. Like if you’re careful and thoughtful, this little apartment tucked away in one of the most exclusive buildings in Monaco could be the best opportunity you have for getting your life back on track. You could heal here, you can feel that in the way the sunlight spills through the windows in the living room, in the way your anxiety allows you to breathe when you stand in the kitchen surrounded by things that you bought yourself, and in in the way you feel when you settle yourself on your brand new bed that will have never shared an intimate moment between you and Lando. Those memories have all been left behind and this new apartment seems like the perfect place for a new beginning. 

As Jade comforts you on your couch, your brother is across town arriving at the Monaco Sports Club where he has a game of padel scheduled with Max that afternoon. He had offered to cancel on him this morning when you spoke to him on the phone, saying that your first full day in the apartment was more important than any padel game, but you had insisted that he keep his game. You had wanted a bit of space to breathe from your brothers, who you knew meant very well and you were very grateful for but sometimes, the three men got to be a little suffocating. So, against his better judgement, Charles had skipped coming over that afternoon in favor of hanging out with Max. 

Max hasn’t stopped thinking about that night last month when he witnessed Lando being needlessly cruel to you. He had every intention of calling Charles that night, had every intention of telling him how the British driver was actually treating you but something had stopped him. He had needed a little more time to process everything that he saw. Max knew that Lando could be an asshole but he never could have guessed that he would have treated you the way he did that night he brought you back to the apartment. It had shaken him and it had taken him a bit to figure out exactly how to approach it with Charles because he knew if Charles really knew how Lando had been treating you, Lando might not make it to the next race alive. Because while everyone knew the relationship was toxic and Lando wasn’t a good boyfriend, no one really realized just how bad it had gotten until Max saw behind the curtain that night of the art show. 

When Max had invited Charles to play padel today, he had finally decided to tell him what had gone down that night. It had taken so long because Max kept waffling between ‘this is none of my business’ and ‘she’s everything’ but when he spotted Charles walking through the padel courts towards him, Max was surprised at how happy Charles looked. 

“You look happy.” Max observes before giving his friend a hug. 

“Oh, it is a very good day, mon ami.” Charles is practically glowing as he smiles over at his long time friend. 

Max lifts a brow, it’s been a while since he’s seen Charles look this optimistic and he wonders if it has something to do with you. 

As if Charles reads his mind, he continues, “We finally got the apartment finished and as of this morning, she’s fully left that piece of garbage.” A smug smile plays at the corner of the Ferrari driver’s mouth. 

The relief that washes over Max is surprising. He hadn’t realized how truly worried he was for your well being until that moment. The guilt that sets in though has his chest aching. How could he have gone so long without saying something to someone about what he had seen that night? Max carefully weighs his decision that he had been so set on just moments before. If you’ve already left Lando and are settling into your apartment, does Charles really need to know what happened that night? It would only cause more drama and Max knew that more drama and anxiety was the last thing you needed. 

In a split second decision that he knows could come back to haunt him, Max decides to keep quiet for now. 

“That is the best thing I’ve heard all day.” With a genuine grin, Max bounces the padel ball against the floor. 

Charles beams back at him and Max can almost see the stress that his friend has been carrying around recently melting away from his features. He had known that your brother was worried about you, had known your entire circle, or what was left of it, was worried but now that this was really happening, Max could practically feel the relief rolling off of Charles in waves. 

“You’re telling me.” Charles mutters before walking to the other side of the court to get the game started. 

Max hadn’t meant to end up in your old neighborhood, truly he hadn’t. He had been on a run the morning after playing padel for a few hours with Charles when he passed the bakery that was a few blocks from your old apartment. He hadn’t meant to come this far but the pressures of the season were starting to get to him as they usually did around this time of year and he had needed extra time to clear his head. The fact that he couldn’t seem to get you off his mind either plagued him the entire run too. The way you had felt pressed against his side as he walked you home that night last month, the way your cheeks flamed with humiliation as Lando had laid into you in front of him when he walked you to your door, everything about you seemed to be invading his thoughts and it worried him. 

It worried him because he couldn’t let you get under his skin like this. He knew it was a dangerous game he was playing, knowing what you’ve been through and allowing himself to wander down that road. He was just happy you were safe now and hopefully you would start to get that spark back that he knew you still had in you. Everything else would have to wait. 

So when he passed the bakery you had pointed out as your favorite the night he had walked you home, he couldn’t help but follow his feet inside. The smells of freshly baked bread and sweet pastries washed over his senses as the bell above the wooden door jingled, announcing his arrival. He knew exactly what he was looking for before the woman behind the counter even asked and before he was able to second guess his decision, Max was walking out of the bakery moments later with half a dozen of what he knew were your favorite almond croissants. 

A housewarming gift, he told himself. Because what other way should Max welcome his newest neighbor to the building where he had lived for the last two years? He knew these were your favorites and if he had to guess, wandering back into your old neighborhood just for some carbs was probably at the bottom of your ‘to do’ list right now, even if they were heavenly pieces of baked bread and sweet almond filling. 

While Max made his way back across town, laden down with a large pink bakery box, you were just getting out of bed and starting your day. Anxiety, a feeling that seemed to be your constant companion lately, sits heavy on your shoulders as you move around the new apartment. The quiet hush that blankets the small space is different than the stifling silence you're used to in your apartment with Lando. It was unnerving to say the least but if you allowed yourself to pause for even just a moment, you could almost feel your soul breathing a sigh of relief. 

That wash of contentment is short lived though when a knock at your front door sends your heart rate spiking through the roof. You know that Lando was going to be home today but didn't know what time. It didn’t even cross your mind that there was no way it was him outside your door because he simply didn’t know where you had moved to but just the thought of someone who you weren’t expecting waiting for you and the possibility that it could be your now ex-boyfriend had you spiraling.��

Reaching for your phone, you pull up the security system app that Charles had insisted you get installed, despite the fact that this was a very well secured building with its own doorman downstairs 24/7. The person standing outside your door has confusion knitting your brow together. 

Pancake ingredients forgotten, you pad towards the door shuffling through various emotions: relief that it isn’t Lando waiting for you on the other side, apprehension about seeing the person that was patiently waiting in the hallway for you, and a bit of relief that you hadn’t lost this person like you thought you might have. 

“Max, what a pleasant surprise.” You murmur when you swing the door open. 

In front of you, the Dutch driver is dressed for a workout in athletic shorts and a t-shirt, his blond hair covered in a backwards baseball cap. You’re surprised at the shimmer of pleasure that works its way up your spine when he smiles at you but quickly squash the feeling, remembering the pity on his face as Lando had yelled at you that night he walked you home. 

“I was on a run this morning and remembered you saying this bakery was your favorite. I thought I’d bring you some almond croissants as a sort of ‘welcome to the building’ present.” 

Warmth spreads through your belly at the gesture and you hold the door open to welcome Max into the apartment. “Welcome to the building?” You ask, confused. 

Max grins back at you, rubbing at the back of his neck as he follows you to the kitchen. “I live up in the penthouse. I moved in about two years ago.”

Surprise flickers across your face. When you started dating Lando, your friendship with Max had grown distant so it shouldn’t shock you that you didn’t even know where your friend lived. “Oh, I didn’t realize.” You whisper, guilt settling like a stone in your stomach. 

Max watches you bustle around the kitchen, decidedly avoiding eye contact with him. For a few moments he just observes you, trying to decide if he should leave or push. Charles had mentioned yesterday that you were nervous about living alone and Max wanted to make sure that you were okay. He knew he should probably leave you alone to continue to settle it, with it being only your second day in the apartment alone, but there was something keeping him rooted to the spot where he stood in the middle of the kitchen.

 “Are the almond ones still your favorite?” He asks, shattering the silence that had settled over the room. He knows you’re easily spooked now and Max desperately wants you to be comfortable about him. Maybe if he distracts you from whatever storm is brewing in your head, you’ll open up a bit. 

His patience is rewarded with the first unguarded smile he’s seen from you in a long time. “I can’t believe you remembered.” You laugh, reaching for one of the croissants in the open box. 

“You used to put these things away like nobody’s business when we were younger.” 

The blush that creeps across your cheeks has Max gripping the edge of the counter. The two of you fall into a comfortable conversation of safe topics, mostly about your new apartment and how Max’s cats are doing. You like this, the way you feel around him but you can almost feel your body bracing for the other shoe to fall. You keep waiting to have something stupid slip out of your mouth, causing Max to berate or make fun of you. 

Much to your surprise it never happens though and you spend the next hour talking through memories of when Charles and Max were fighting it out on the karting tracks when you were younger. Max remembered you well from those days, how you would beg to tag along with him and Charles and the older boys. 

The sun sits high in the sky when your phone start buzzing loudly on the counter. At first you ignore it, too lost in the conversation you and Max are having, the way he is so attentive to everything you have to say and how he asks you questions like he’s genuinely interested in what you have to say. You don’t want the attention he’s giving you to end but when your phone starts buzzing for the fifth time in a row, you get up off the couch to retrieve it. It was probably just Charles checking on you, you hand’t heard from him all day after all. 

Your heart sinks and your stomach churns when you see the caller ID though. “Fuck.” The whisper that tumbles off of your lips is broken and harsh, causing Max’s head to snap towards where you’re leaning over the counter, forearms braced on either side of your phone. 

“Everything okay?” Max gets up off the couch to join you in the kitchen, concerned over the way you’ve suddenly gone white as a sheet as you stare down at your phone like it’s about to reach up and strangle you right there in the middle of the room. 

In the couple of hours that you had spent catching up with Max, you had completely forgot that Lando was due to get home soon. “I guess Lando has discovered I’m gone.” The way your voice shakes has Max’s heart squeezing. 

“He doesn’t know you moved out?” 

“Well he does now.” You quip, nervous chuckle falling from your lips. The text messages came in first, it looked like. Nearly a dozen of them and as you scroll through the messages, your face heats. Of course this is going to happen with Max here. Why is he always a witness to your humiliation?

Where are you? Why is the closet half empty, where are all your clothes? Baby, why is your treadmill gone? And your Peloton?  Where the FUCK are you??? ANSWER ME NOW WHERE ARE YOU??? DID YOU LEAVE ME THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY YOU’RE DOING THIS TO ME RIGHT NOW ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE NOW COWARD

Shortly after the messages stop, the calls start. You stare down at the phone as Max watches as call after call comes through. 

“You don’t have to answer him.” Max murmurs, coming to stand right next to you. You have to resist the urge to lean into his warmth, to collapse against the quiet strength that rolls off of him in waves.

“It’s only going to get worse if I don’t.” 

“Does he know where you are?” 

You shake your head, tears threatening to spill over. Why was this all happening right now? You knew you were safe, that he had no idea where you had moved to but just the thought of being in the same city as him when he was this angry is enough to have the panic threatening to strangle the breath straight out of your lungs. 

“Then you’re safe. He wouldn’t ever do anything to put his career in danger, Dovie.” 

You have to laugh at the statement because it’s so true. Lando would never do anything to put his career on the line. He’d do whatever it took to keep you in line under his thumb, no matter how mean he had to be to control you but when it came to his career? His first love? He’d never do anything to put his seat in question and you knew that. You had always come second to racing and what Max said was the total truth. 

Max watches you shrink into yourself as the calls continue to come in, one after another, and he knows he has to do something. He glances at the time and instantly gets an idea. “I was supposed to go to dinner with Danny in an hour. What if you leave the phone here for the night and come to dinner with me?” He pauses, seeing the panic flicker across your face. “With us. Come to dinner with us.” He corrects quickly. “I’ll call Charles and see if he’s free too? It’s been a while since we’ve all had dinner together.” 

Your eyes drop down to the phone, now quiet for the moment, and weigh your options. You know you’re not ready to talk to Lando but the fact that you’re ignoring him makes you feel like a coward. You’re going to have to speak to him sometime but maybe it was okay if you put if off for a few more days. Dinner out with Max, Daniel, and your brother sounds so appealing but you still hesitate. 

“Come on, Dovie. You can’t spend the whole night starting at the phone. He’s going to keep calling and it’s not good for you to be alone right now.” 

The pain that slices through your heart at the gentle coaxing Max’s tone takes on is almost unbearable. Why is he always the one to see you laid so bare, so vulnerable? 

“How did I let this happen, Max?” Your voice breaks, soft and uncertain as you turn into Max’s waiting frame. Without hesitation, Max’s arms circle around you and he pulls you deeper into his chest. Something settles in him then, almost like he’s relieved you’ve allowed him in. The way you shake while he holds you has his chest aching and he’d really like to give the McLaren driver a piece of his fucking mind right about then, but he knows that’s going to have to wait for now. You’re much more important. 

“You were in love, schatje and that’s okay. You trusted him and he broke that trust. It’s not a reflection of you, sweet girl, its a reflection of him. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.” 

You sob quietly into his chest, soaking his t-shirt through with your tears as the dam finally breaks. Humiliation threatens to drag you under but you allow Max’s words to resonate through you. They soften the sharp edges of your heartache and regret, knowing that someone like Max, who you respect and have known for nearly your entire life, doesn’t think this entire thing is your fault. You sink into his warmth, clutching at the fabric of his shirt, allowing his steady breath to ground you. 

Max just stands there, a quiet pillar of strength that he can feel you desperately need right now. Hr murmurs quiet reassurances to you as you cry against him, slowly rocking you back and forth. “Come on,” Max coos, lips brushing against the top of your head. “Go take a shower and then lets go to dinner. I’ll call Charles and see if he’s free. You haven’t seen Danny in ages, right? It’ll be good to get out.” 

Dragging in a deep breath, you hold the air in your lungs until they pinch. “Okay.” 

With one last look at your phone, you turn away and walk down the hallway, leaving Max starting at your phone which has finally gone quiet. For several moments, Max just stands at the counter in the kitchen, unable to move. Relief floods his veins when he hears the shower start though and he knows that you’re finally making a small step towards getting out from under Lando’s control.

@shelbyteller, @martygraciesversion381, @samantha-chicago, @stelena-klayley @dark-night-sky-99 @luckylampzonkland, @aykxz98 @forensicheart @cheer-bear-go-vroom @lieutenantchaos @willowsnook @linnygirl09 @meglouise00 @mixedstyles @secret-agents-stole-my-bunnies @mrosales16 @charlesgirl16 @leclercdream @daemyratwst @dramaticpiratellamas @mochimommy2002 @llando4norris @iamaunknownsecret @maxivstappen @imlonelydontsendhelp @nina-or-anna-or-nora @a1leexxa @littlegrapejuice @sunflowervol18 @freyathehuntress @finn-dot-com @swiftie-4-lifes-stuff @chirasama @lauralarsen @dr3wstarkey @saskiaalonso @rbv3rstappen @ilovechickenwings @guaaafiiburg @mcmuppet @mindless-rock @piastri-fvx @mel164 @schumi-angel @myescapefromthislife @supertrashbread @sunny44 @tinystudentblaze-stuff @sarx164

[kaivenom]

Can you do OP dilfs get jumpscared by their s/o. Like they manage to actually jumpscare them. Whether a little or a lot or how they do it is up to you

One Piece Dilfs getting jumpscared by their s/o HCS

Characters: Mihawk, Doflamingo, Crocodile, Smoker,Shanks.

A/N: lately, all you people are getting really creative with the requests and i am loving it.

Masterlist

Dracule Mihawk

You were tired of being jumpscared by him, you already asked him to do some noise when he enters a room but he still doesn't do it.

So you were determined to give him a taste of his own medicine.

He came back from a trip so he would expect to be welcomed by you but it wasn't.

You even set some previous traps to mislead him, your strategy was perfect.

When you came from behind one of the warrior monkeys (yes, you had to do a make a deal with them, it was worth it) and you jumped around him.

He didn't yell nor make a sound, but he jumped and became paralized, his eyes were wide open with fear.

"Jajaja, i got you."

He turned around with his and on the heart and heavy breaths.

"Please, don't do that again."

"Now you know how it feels like."

Donquixote Doflamingo

He challenged you and you of course accepted.

You tried multiple times and failed eveyone of them.

"I am sorry for you darling."

"Yeah, i should take this as a defeat." you said while crawling to his lap.

"Yeah, you should..."

And then the last and desperate part of your plan finally succeed, you placed a big fake spider on his shoulder and he screamed while trying to take it off.

After he realized it was your fault, he started to laugh like a maniac.

"My god, you got me there, jajjaja, you managed to scare me..."

Suddently his laugh stopped and he approached you with a mischiveous smile.

"Now you will get your prize, or more like your punishment."

Sr. Crocodile

It was a prank that you decided to do while he was on the office, more like a little surprise.

You made the secretary move the box in which you were to Crocodile's office.

When you heard him enter you came out with a confetti gun, you wanted to be like those movie girls.

Instead he put his hand on his heart and started to say a lot of swear words, you never saw him like that.

"Out."

You couldn't argue and went out of his office, really sad.

A couple of minutes later he went to your side and maked a fuss to you, then he kissed you for trying to surprise him.

Smoker

He doesn't expect you to jumpscare him so it's really easy in fact.

You on your part, wanted to do scare him, no doubt about it.

Since he got a little bratty with you on work, you decided to get payback.

You set the vibe of the house, really creepy and dark, of course he isn't scared at first.

Then you decided to go on with the extreme part of it, the jumpscares.

A fake snake hanging on the door to mislead him and then you with a mask.

You appeared behind him and when he saw you, he yelled something between a scream and a yell and formed a smoke cloud around you.

"Son of a b... honey?" you were slamed against the wall and your whole body hurt.

"This happens to you for doing stupid and crazy ideas..." he exhaled, "i am so sorry for hitting you."

"At least we know your reflexes are on point." he kissed the pain away.

Akagami Shanks

You are in fact, really noiseless so when you two first moved in together, you tried to have than in mind.

Always knocking before entering or simplu doing noises with your foot to not scare anyone on the ship.

But after a week, you were on the cellar of the ship, doing some inventory, nothing to much.

Shanks entered, probably to open a bottle.

He started to wander around the shelves, you didn't notice his pressence at first.

Then you do, cause he is the noisy one, and went to meet him.

You thought that it would be cute to hug him from behind, but...

"Oh my god, a ghost on the ship!!!!" he got scared of your touch, jumped, screamed that and almost fainted.

You don't know how that happened since he had haki, but he almost had a hear attack and you felt really bad.

[writingsoftarnishedsilver]

okay not that he needs it but what a ego boost it would be if sebastian stumbled upon mc and ominis talking about the guy she likes and she just like he's so out of my league listing positive traits (cue sebastian getting very jealous) Only for ominis to be like just tell sebastian then I don't have to hear you wine about it all the timee

Eavesdropping | Sebastian Sallow x Reader

Thank you for the request Anon! I hope you love it!!! :")

Words: ~4,600

Tags: Love Confessions, Reader Insert, Female MC, No Y/N, No Hogwarts House

The stone door of the Undercroft groaned softly as Sebastian pushed it open, stepping carefully inside. He exhaled softly, his shoulders relaxing for the first time all day. He had snuck out after curfew, hoping to release some pent-up frustration with a few dueling spells.

He was halfway down the stairs when he froze. Voices—two of them—floated up from below.

Sebastian frowned, his grip tightening on the banister. He recognized them instantly. You and Ominis.

What were you doing here so late? He edged closer, careful to stay out of sight.

“I just don’t see the point,” your voice echoed softly. “It’s not like anything’s ever going to happen.”

Sebastian froze mid-step, his grip tightening on the banister. His brow furrowed. What wasn’t going to happen?

“It won’t if you keep dragging your feet,” Ominis replied, his tone dry as ever.

“It’s not that simple,” you shot back warily.

Sebastian tilted his head, curiosity sparking to life alongside a strange, uneasy feeling in his chest. You sounded frustrated—almost pained. What could possibly have you so worked up?

“It is that simple. You’ve been in love with him for years,” Ominis said, his tone cutting. “Merlin, I’ve lost track of how many times we’ve had this conversation. Either do something about it, or stop talking about it.”

Sebastian’s heart stopped. In love? You’d never mentioned anyone. Not once.

“There's nothing I can do, Ominis,” you said, exasperated. “He doesn’t see me like that.”

Sebastian’s stomach twisted painfully. Who was this mysterious he? Why hadn’t you told him about this before? You usually told him everything.

“And how would you know?” Ominis challenged.

“Because I know him,” you replied firmly. “We’re best friends!”

Sebastian’s chest tightened, a painful mix of jealousy and confusion swirling inside him. Best friends? You were his best friend. Who could possibly come before him in your life?

“Right,” Ominis said sarcastically. “Because you’re so unremarkable.”

“Ominis,” you groaned, “I’m serious.”

“So am I,” he shot back. “Half the school is in love with you, and you’re acting like you’re some invisible wallflower.”

Sebastian’s jaw tightened. Ominis wasn’t wrong. People were drawn to you—how could they not be? But you’d never seemed to notice, much less care. And now you were sitting here, pouring your heart out about someone who clearly wasn’t him.

You sighed, the sound heavy with frustration and tinged with a hint of defeat. “It doesn’t matter what the rest of the school thinks when he’s completely out of my league, Ominis. With his stupidly handsome face and that ridiculous smile that makes it impossible to think straight…” You trailed off, shaking your head. “Merlin, he’s just… he’s everything. Funny, clever, brave, loyal—he could have anyone he wanted.”

For a moment, it felt like the ground had been ripped out from under Sebastian’s feet. How could you possibly think that? How could you believe, even for a second, that you weren’t good enough for whoever this bloke was? And the worst part—the part that made his chest ache—was that he couldn’t step in. He couldn’t tell you how wrong you were because he wasn’t supposed to be listening this in the first place.

“And?” Ominis prompted.

“And what?” you asked, your voice quieter now.

“You’re always going on about how wonderful he is, which, I’ll admit, I struggle to agree with,” Ominis said with a dry chuckle. “But you never actually tell me how he makes you feel. Isn’t that the important part? Does it matter how... how handsome and funny he is if he doesn't make you feel something special?”

You hesitated, your voice soft and uncertain when you finally spoke. “He… I don’t know. He makes me feel safe, Ominis. Like no matter what’s going on, as long as he’s there, I’ll be okay. And he makes me feel seen. Really seen. Like I don’t have to be the ‘hero of Hogwarts’ or ‘the girl with ancient magic.’ I don’t have to be anything except… me. He knows me in a way nobody else does. And when I’m with him, it’s like—for once—I don’t have to prove anything.”

Sebastian’s chest tightened again, but this time it wasn’t just jealousy—it was something deeper, more painful. Because that’s how he felt about you. You were his safe place, the one person who saw him as more than the brash, reckless troublemaker everyone else thought he was.

And now… now he was realizing that someone else held that place for you.

Ominis huffed a laugh, breaking the silence that followed your confession. “You know, it’s almost tragic.”

You glanced at him, confused. “What’s tragic?”

“That it’s him you’ve fallen for,” Ominis said, his voice laced with dry amusement. “Of all the people in Hogwarts—all the people who would gladly worship the ground you walk on—you’ve managed to lose your head over the most chaotic, reckless, insufferable person I know.”

Your jaw dropped, and a laugh bubbled out of you despite your embarrassment. “Ominis!”

“I’m serious,” he said, smirking. “You could have anyone. Anyone. And yet you’ve decided to pine after someone who probably doesn’t even realize you feel this way because he’s too busy rushing headlong into whatever absurd plan pops into his head.”

You groaned again, shaking your head. “You don’t have to rub it in.”

“Well, I do,” he replied, grinning. “Because clearly, he’s too thick to notice, and you’re too stubborn to tell him. I’m the one stuck in the middle of this ridiculous mess, forced to play mediator while you both dance around each other like idiots.”

Sebastian felt like his chest was going to collapse. The way Ominis spoke so casually about this guy—teasing, almost affectionate—was like a knife twisting deeper into his gut. Whoever you were in love with wasn’t just close to you. They were close to Ominis, too.

Who the hell is it?

Sebastian's mind raced through the possibilities, his thoughts a chaotic mess of jealousy and dread. It had to be someone you spent a lot of time with, someone you trusted enough to feel safe around, someone who was close enough to Ominis that he could make jokes about their recklessness.

And then it clicked.

Garreth Weasley.

Sebastian’s stomach dropped. Of course it was Garreth. It made perfect sense.

Garreth was charming, clever, and funny. He had that easygoing, confident smile that always seemed to draw people in. He was loyal, too—always ready to back up his friends, even if it meant landing himself in trouble. And he had that playful, carefree energy that made everyone want to be around him.

Sebastian felt sick.

Of course she loves Garreth. Why wouldn’t she?

He thought back to all the times he’d seen the two of you together—laughing in the Great Hall, chatting during potions class, exchanging those little looks that he’d tried to tell himself didn’t mean anything.

But they did mean something, didn’t they?

And then there was Ominis. Ominis liked Garreth well enough, didn’t he? He put up with Garreth’s antics, even joined in on the occasional joke. If you were in love with Garreth, it explained why Ominis was teasing you so mercilessly.

It all fit together too perfectly.

Sebastian gritted his teeth. He wanted to hate Garreth—wanted to hate him for being everything Sebastian wasn’t, for being the kind of person you could fall for so easily.

But he couldn’t hate Garreth. Not really. It wasn’t Garreth’s fault that he was so damn likable. It wasn’t Garreth’s fault that Sebastian had been too much of a coward to tell you how he felt.

He pressed his back against the cold stone wall, closing his eyes and letting out a slow, shaky breath.

I’ve lost her, he thought bitterly. I never even had her, and I’ve already lost her.

“It’s not like I have a choice, Ominis,” you continued on, your voice quieter now, tinged with frustration and something far more raw. “If I could stop loving him, don’t you think I would have by now? Believe me, I’ve tried,” you continued, your voice breaking slightly. “I’ve tried everything. I’ve told myself it’s just a stupid crush, that it doesn’t matter, but it does. And no matter what I do, I can’t… I can’t make it go away.”

“Then why don’t you tell him?” Ominis asked, his tone softer now, almost coaxing. “What are you so afraid of?”

You groaned, the sound laden with frustration. “Because it doesn’t matter! He doesn’t like me back, Ominis. I’d destroy our friendship for nothing!”

Sebastian’s heart clenched painfully, the bitter sting of your self-doubt twisting something deep inside him. How could you think so little of yourself? How could you not see what he saw when he looked at you?

Ominis let out an exasperated sigh. “I don’t think he deserves you,” he muttered. “Merlin knows he’s well aware he doesn’t deserve you. But you can’t decide his feelings for him. That’s not how it works.”

You scoffed. “Your point?”

“I’m just saying,” Ominis replied, his tone exasperated, “that you’re doing both of you a disservice. It’s… it’s getting to the point where something has to give. Either you tell him how you feel, or—”

“Or what?” you interrupted, glaring at him.

“Or I will,” Ominis said firmly, his expression unyielding.

You gasped. “You wouldn’t.”

“I would,” Ominis said, his smirk returning. “I’m tired of watching you both suffer in silence. Merlin knows Sebastian’s too dense to work it out on his own. Maybe hearing it outright will knock some sense into him.”

Sebastian’s heart stopped.

It’s me.

The thought hit Sebastian like a stunning spell, freezing him in place as the pieces of the conversation finally fell into place. Every word, every hint, every exasperated sigh from Ominis—it all pointed to the same answer, one that he’d been too blind, too self-critical, to see.

You were talking about him.

You were in love with him.

His breath hitched, and his grip on the banister tightened as his heart pounded so loudly he was certain you and Ominis would hear it. The jealousy, the doubt, the sharp ache in his chest—all of it melted away, replaced by a dizzying mix of disbelief, relief, and something far brighter: hope. Because you loved him.

“I mean it,” Ominis was saying now, his tone both firm and teasing. “If you won’t tell him, I will. Frankly, I’m tired of sitting through these endless heart-to-hearts when the solution is so obvious.”

You groaned, your frustration evident. “Ominis, I swear—”

“Do it, or I’ll make it the most public confession Hogwarts has ever seen,” Ominis threatened, though the smirk on his face made it clear he was only half-serious.

Sebastian couldn’t stay silent any longer. His feet moved before his mind caught up, carrying him down the remaining steps until he was standing in the open, his gaze fixed on you.

“Ominis won’t have to say a word,” he said, his voice steady despite the storm of emotions churning inside him.

You and Ominis both turned toward him, your expression contorting into shock while Ominis grinned.

“Sebastian,” you breathed, your eyes wide.

Ominis crossed his arms, looking entirely too smug. “Ah, there you are."

Sebastian ignored him, his focus entirely on you. “Is it true?” he asked, his voice softer now, almost hesitant. “Everything you just said… is it true?”

Your mouth opened, but no words came out at first. Your gaze flickered to Ominis, as if silently cursing him, before returning to Sebastian. “How much did you hear?”

“Enough,” he admitted, taking a step closer.

You flushed, your hands twisting nervously at your sides. “Sebastian, I—”

“Just tell me,” he interrupted gently, his eyes searching yours. “Please.”

You hesitated for a moment, your breath hitching, before finally nodding. “Yes."

For a moment, Sebastian couldn’t speak. He just stood there, staring at you, his heart so full he thought it might burst. And then, without thinking, he reached for your hands, his grip firm but gentle.

“You’re in love with me?”

Your cheeks burned, but you held his gaze, your voice trembling as you said, “I am."

“I love you, too,” he said simply, the words spilling from his lips like they’d been waiting years to be spoken. “I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember."

Tears welled in your eyes as you stared at him, your expression a mix of disbelief and overwhelming relief. “You… you do?”

He smiled, his thumb brushing lightly over the back of your hand. “I do. More than anything.”

Ominis cleared his throat loudly, breaking the moment. “Well, now that that’s settled, perhaps you two can finally stop making my life so unbearably dramatic.”

Sebastian shot him a look, but there was no real anger behind it. For once, he was too happy, too relieved to care about Ominis’ meddling.

For a moment, neither of you moved, the weight of everything left unsaid finally lifted. And then, with a soft, almost hesitant smile, Sebastian tilted his head and closed the remaining distance, his lips meeting yours in a kiss that was as gentle as it was certain.

When the kiss broke, Sebastian rested his forehead against yours, his smile soft but unshakably certain. “You’re stuck with me now,” he murmured, his voice low and full of promise. And as you laughed, the sound light and filled with a joy you hadn’t felt in years, you knew there was nowhere else you’d rather be.

[doodledrawsthings]

you. Oh my god, you. (Positive)

listen. Before I had internet access, all I had was 1 hour of allotted browser time, bing image search, and a single dantdm play through of a hat in time that never got finished. I googled fanart and got pretty much nothing, I googled fancomics and got pretty much nothing, but you know what I did end up finding?

your art.

from ages 11-14, my goal in life, in art, was your art. I can’t tell you how much I loved finding random screenshots of your posts, because I was always just so impressed by how clean and consistent your sketches are, how the characters always stay on model, the shape language, how you could somehow sketch a character in like 20 lines when it took me 50 to draw sans in my little spiral notebook— like! Holy shit! For years I have looked up to your art! There’s still a photos folder on my dads old huge-ass 12 inch work iPad labeled “holy crap” and filled with your art. Because it inspired me so much. It’s become an undeniable part of my artstyle, now — I still have fanart I drew way back in the day of Hattie and the rest, I didn’t even know anyone’s names because I couldn’t play the game, but you’re the reason I eventually did play the game. Your coffee shop au and different versions of the prince— one of those ieterations inspired the main character of my novel! Well, novel that I tried to write, I was 13 so it was eh, but I tried!!

I’m submitting this on-anon because I don’t want to out my age on the wide internet (I like my privacy) but. Your art has really meant a lot to me. It’s the reason I played hollow knight, and it’s the reason I kept trying to develop an art style I was happy with. You’re the reason I started scribbling comics in my notebooks. Being 13-14 was pretty much the worst two years of my life, but I had Bing image search and the occasional glimpse of your signature, and I’d be so happy every time I found a new (if crusty) three-times screenshotted jpg. You literally introduced me to the concept of polyamory and nonbinary-ness with the coffee shop au. I had no other access to that in my household, and. Yeah. It meant a lot to me.

Anyway. I’m so glad I’ve finally tracked you down (in the most non-ominous way possible) and I’m so glad you’re still active— Please never stop making art. Your art is incredible, and amazing, and also you never know who’s out there on Bing image search. Thank you for creating for as long as you have. You’re pretty much the reason I’m shooting for an art degree (Wish me luck!) so just…Thank you.

(Also I had no idea you were a professional storyboarder, which is insane because that’s what I want to be when I’m through college. Hey, maybe I’ll end up storyboarding a remake of something you’ve storyboarded! hehehe)

Hi anon!

So right off the bat, I gotta tell you that this message made me start bawling when I woke up and saw it. Like I had a full-on cry session while reading your message and lying in bed for almost an hour. I am crying as I am typing this response, on my phone, still in bed. It’s 11am and i woke up at 9. So I hope it turns out coherent.

The last two years have been. weird. I say that a lot because I wanna say “rough” but that still doesn’t feel quite right. I’m almost hyper-aware that there are so many people that have it worse than me rn, so it feels hard to even acknowledge when I’m going through anything, myself, sometimes- REGARDLESS, it’s been kind of an all-time low for my mental health. There was a point within in the last year where I just HATED drawing. I struggled to bring myself to work, I struggled to bring myself to even draw for fun. It felt like I was posting just to post, trying to keep people aware of my existence and it almost felt physically painful to force myself to sit down and do it, sometimes.

I’m getting better now, I think, but. Yknow.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the “oh I can make money off this,” “oh I can get attention off this,” “oh I can prove myself a functional person in society with this,” of it all. I forget why I actually do this, sometimes, or if I even enjoy it. And then I get messages like yours, about the kid with limited internet access looking for A Hat in Time fan art on Bing image search, and I get taken back to when I was a kid scrolling Google images and deviantart for the same thing.

I don’t mean to like. Foster some kind of parasocial thing with you or any one of my followers. There’s a reason I’m saying all this, I hope it ties up in the end.

We don’t know each other. I’m not some mysterious legendary artist, or whatever. I’m a person who gets burnt out, and jealous, and insecure. I need inspiration to function, just like you, and when I don’t have it, I get art block. But I also really like to draw fictional characters kissing and hanging out. I like coming up with comics and stories and playing out dramatic and funny scenarios in my head like I’m mashing Barbies together. And when other people tell me they enjoy the stuff I put out when I do this, it makes me really, really, really happy.

I think I needed to read your message, probably. With the state of… Everything… Right now, especially recently, I feel like a lot of artists are also struggling with a sense of purpose, pride, and reason as the world makes it harder and harder to even BE an artist, these days. And when I read this message it was like Anton Ego at the end of Ratatouille, I got taken back to when I was a kid looking at my favorite artists and studying their style and striving to be better and better at it over years of my life. Not just because I wanted a job for it or cuz I wanted to be a famous Disney animator or whatever, but because it was fun and I just liked doing it.

Thank you, SO much. I say this in the most genuine and earnest way I possibly can possibly express. I wish you luck on your own path in art and art school. And if you decide that animation industry is your thing, then I wish you the best in that endeavor, as well. I think I will keep making art for a long time.

Peace and love on the planet earth ✌️✌️✌️

[beijodefrade]

Caryn goes to the kitchen to make coffee. In the way, Filbrick passes by her, stomping towards the pawn shop. His face is impasse as always, but his anger is evident on his loud steps.

Ahead, she sees Stanley. He looks awful. There's blood on his mouth from a split lip, blood on his nose that's looking slightly crooked, and his left eye is turning purple.

"Stanley! What happened to you?”

He gives his mother a small smile. It's hesitant, as if he's ashamed.

"Pissed off the wrong person at boxing practice. You know how I am.”

"Oh, sweetie, what did you do?”

He laughs it off. It's a rough sound, and her worry grows at the insincerity of it.

"Believe me, Ma, you don't wanna know.”

She disagrees, but doesn't push the subject. Instead, she frets.

"Let me fix you up.”

She takes him to the bathroom, where they keep the first aid kit. They'll need to buy a new one soon, it's contents almost all used up. Always on Stanley. He gets hurt a lot, ever since he was a little kid.

He has a a knack for getting into trouble. Sometimes he can't help himself, and takes things that don't belong to him. Most of the time, it's because he got into a fight.

He has a short temper (it runs in the family).

Caryn sees a small gash on her son's cheek. It makes her think whoever punched him was wearing a ring.

But at boxing, they wear gloves.

Maybe it was after practice.

As she looks at the gash, her hands starts to shake. When she cleans it, she knows it stings. Stanley doesn't flinch from the pain.

There isn't much she can do for the bruises, other than icing them. Taking a closer look at his nose, it might be broken.

Someone broke her little boy's nose. The tremor in her hands gets worse, because as she's looking at his face, there is no anger. He simply looks sad.

"We might have to go to the hospital... I think your nose is broken, dear.”

Instinctually to hearing an idea he doesn't like, Stanley wrinkles his nose. Then he forgets himself and hisses at the pain.

She hears the sound in her heart, and pets his hair. The affection, somehow, makes it easier for him to breathe. He hadn't noticed the strain of his lungs.

Suddenly, he feels small.

"Ma, do you..." he swallows, eyes glued to the floor. "You'll always love me, right?”

Caryn gasps.

"Of course!”

"Promise? Even if I never stop screwing things up?”

She uses her other hand to lift his head, her fingers under his chin. She needs him to see her face.

"Oh, pumpkin, nothing could ever make me stop loving you. I promise that'll never change.”

In this moment, he believes her. He smiles. She thinks about a hand and a ring.

Caryn sighs, feeling a little scared.

"Your Pa looked quite angry when I saw him... Right before I found you." she moves her hand from his chin, and puts it on the side if his face. The one without the gash. "I know he's harsh on you.”

He leans into her hand, comforted in her warmth. Even so, his eyes fill with tears. So do hers. Shiny eyes meet shiny eyes.

"C'mon, Ma..." his voice trembles a little, and they both pretend they don't notice. "You know Pa wouldn't go this far.”

A few tears escape her. His tears stay trapped. She nods, and kisses his forehead.

Caryn can't stop shaking for the rest of the day. She avoids looking at her husband's hands.

Stanley starts to get used to a heavy feeling inside his chest.

[damnfandomproblems]

Fandom Problem #7260:

I hate how people get so upset when authors remove their fics rather than orphaning them and acting like the author was soooo selfish and that orphaning is the only right and justice choice for them to make, especially when the fic in question had a handful or even no comments.

Like, people share their fics for community and connection. I share my fics for community and connection. I will always write for myself, but I share them for the human connection. If there's no connection? Well, I'm not going to share then, and I sure as hell am not going to orphan because that's MY fic, MY hard work, why would I want to remove myself from it, to not be able to show it to others and say "hey look at this thing I made, what do you think?" just because a stranger who doesn't even have the guts to tell me they like it, likes it? And there's no such thing as an individual, so many other fic authors likely do/think the same.

"Oh, but you aren't entitled to comments!" You're right, but you also aren't entitled to millions of stories at the wonderful cost of $0.00 either. It isn't selfish for people to choose to not comment, but it also isn't selfish for authors to delete and/or abandon their fics when they get no comments.

"But what if that fic helped someone through a hard time? Saved their life?" Should've told the author that, can't blame the author for prioritizing their own mental health when they weren't even aware they were carrying the burden of a stranger's mental health too.

Writing is already so hard even if you're doing it for yourself. Sharing it is terrifying. Letting people, strangers even, know the things you like, your traumas, your mistakes? The only thing that makes sharing worth it is knowing that there are other people out there who like the same things, share your traumas, and won't judge you by your mistakes and that by sharing your stories, you can find them and even if it's just for a moment, just a single small interaction.

But if you can't find them? They don't let you know that—yes, we're alike! I like this too! I understand this character! I don't mind that you're imperfect, we're human!—Why keep sharing? Why leave all these painful pieces of yourself scattered about if you gain NOTHING from it? Why leave something that was meant to be a bridge of connection up, when it goes unwalked? It's an abandoned house, an unused lot, a corpse. Community interaction is the lifeblood of fic, and if the blood doesn't flow, it will be buried.

Yes, fandom may not cost money, but there needs to be an exchange if you want it to continue because fandom is and always will be a community, not just fics and art.

"But I'm scared to comment!" "I just want to lurk!" etc.

That's valid, but you can't complain when authors delete their fics, stop posting, and fandom begins to dwindle because all they received for their efforts and nakedness is silence. Kudos and likes will always be appreciated, but that's not connected, that is not community, and that's not what authors share and bare their hearts for. Of course, you can be upset when fics disappear and authors leave, but don't bitch if you know the reason why and could have helped prevent it. If you don't play your part in the community keep your mouth shut when it dies. Don't cry at the funeral a fandom you did nothing more but look at.

Let authors delete their fics and disappear in peace. They were shown how little the community valued them when they were left in silence, and no amount of complaints and cutesy positive posts are going to change that.

Deleting fic isn't evil. It's the acceptance that no matter how much you share, how much effort you give, the community doesn't care enough to even give you a single thumbs up and it's the action of parting ways with that community.

And asking those people who just want to leave and be left alone because the community was neglectful to keep sharing AND walk away if they don't like the silence by orphaning their fics instead of deleting them is so selfish. It's cruel to pressure them to keep their work up when they're ready to leave because YOU want to just take, take, take, and give not even a thanks in return.

I'm so sick of being treated like a monster when I post a fic, work it for months upon months, see the hit could rise higher and higher, and get not even a single person interacting but being treated like a selfish monster for deleting it when continuing to share it eventually became too painful.

"Oh, but write for yourself! You shouldn't write for the comments!" I write for myself, my Google Docs are full of dozens upon dozens of fics that I read and reread, laugh and cry at. But I only share for the comments/community, and well, the community decided that it doesn't want me and so I'm done sharing. I'm never sharing again when I'll just be fucking ignored. I'm done letting people call me and anyone else who has also decided they're done sharing selfish entitled pricks for just wanting to connect with others when they didn't give a damn dollar or even just a fucking smile emoji in return

[agirlwithglam]

https://www.tumblr.com/agirlwithglam/760858969670582272/no-guys-you-dont-understand-i-love-myself

How does one get here😭

this was asked a long time ago but i think i finally found the words to write it. (i don't im just bored, sorry!)

so how does one fully love themselves?

getting to that point of my life took time. it took a lot of time. like around 1-2 years of time, and im still not 100% there- i still get hurt sometimes, i'm still emotional and sensitive. but the thing is, that over these 1-2 years i've learnt so much that whenever i'm feeling sad or hurt, i'm able to support myself. i am the first person who shows up for me and does my very best to console and help me. i help myself turn that pain into something even better. i walk myself through what happened and whether i may be overreacting or not. i am the one who is now always always always there for myself.

and i think once i realised this, i genuinely was like "woah." no matter what happens in my life, i will ALWAYS have myself and that thought just soothes me. it relaxes and calms me down. i am no longer scared because there is no reason to be. i know that i cannot control other people, other people will always do what they want to do. they can hurt you, make you happy, hurt you again, even unintentionally. i cannot control their actions, but i can control myself. i can control how i choose to view it and react to it. so every time i get hurt i walk myself through the steps of seeing it a different way.

another thing i did when i was insecure & trying to love myself is that i did affirmations religiously. in the morning doing skincare, i would always repeat affirmations or listen to affirmations. it would be phrases like "i love myself." / "i am beautiful", etc. it's not the sole thing that transformed my love for myself, but it did help a ton with me believing it. (doing affirmations enough time can also help rewire your brain into believing what you keep repeating)

also, you need to realise that you do love yourself. a human's natural state of being is love. return to that state of being. a little baby or a child, they are full of love. they give love, they receive love, they are never ending of love. and they are the purest form of a person for they are themselves before society has told them who to be. so do you realise that you deserve love fully and beyond what you could imagine? and the one person in the whole world that can give you that unlimited love, is yourself. but you must choose to love yourself.

stop constantly returning to the state of insecurity okay? thats not you!! you are not insecure, you just think you are insecure! but in reality, there is NOTHING to be insecure about. someone else could have the exact same quality as you and love it so much! so end this cycle of negativity. choose to live a different, happier, more positive life. its all up to you. u can CHOOSE to be different!

finally, to end with, honey it will take time. just because you don't find yourself loving what you see in the mirror after 1 day, doesn't mean you never will. you don't have to keep changing yourself to love yourself. if your daughter looked like you, would you hate her? would you cringe when you look at her? of course not. treat yourself as your daughter. be gentle with yourself. be there for yourself. show up for yourself. it may take time, but please, don't give up on yourself.

[shuggymaniac]

A continuation from this Imagine story AU

((Warning: this continuation has dark and disturbing themes to some please read with caution))

{Buggy’s POV}

He was scared, no… that’s putting it lightly. when Buggy found himself in a cage surrounded by other strangers who were in the same situation as him, he was terrified sh*tless.

He wanted to go back home, he wanted to cry and scream, but he stopped himself, well as best as a child can do when they are imprisoned, because he was sure that his Captain and the rest of the crew will find him and take him far away and back on the ship.

So imagine his growing fear when he was placed on the staged with many nobles looking at him as if he was one of the wonders of the world. But he didn’t let it get to him, he showed them all that he is not to be taken lightly, and that was by fighting the announcer and biting him, which made some nobles laugh others were afraid. But what made the room grow silence is when the announcer introduced Buggy as part of the Roger pirate, and Buggy screaming….

“Of course I am! And when my captain comes to save me he will burn this place to the ground with all of you in it!”

The announcer called a few workers to hold Buggy down and muzzle him because his deceleration scared the nobles. Except for one who found the boy really entertaining. When they started the auction only one noble raised the bet and to everyone’s surprise it the the Figarland’s only heir.

Shamrock Figarland.

The reason why he bought Buggy was because he was bored of children his age, they didn’t want to play fun games only order the servants to act the games for them, and he couldn’t hurt the other kids when they disrespected him, because in the end they were still nobles too. So when he saw Buggy, a boy his age, who claims to be part of one of the strongest pirates crew, and he isn’t scared to speak his mind and act his impulses, he decided then and there that Buggy shall be his new person toy Playmate.

The branding was hell Buggy got shot and slashed before but burned with an hot iron and not given any medicine to ease the pain was hell. He cried and screamed by the handlers told him to be quiet or his new masters would kill him. So Buggy swallowed his tears.

Buggy wasn’t a stupid kid, he was smart and he new that right now he was in a very dangerous situation that could lead him to be killed, according to the stories Gaban told him about celestial dragons is that they don’t care about anyone but themselves, that if they walked the street and heard someone cough they have the right to kill that person with the excuse that they cough offended them. So imagine what would happen to Buggy if he cursed that this red haired boy. Buggy would die the worst death possible.

But it was difficult for Buggy to hold his tongue because this spoiled brat seems to have it in him to push all of buggy’s buttons.

He would ask about Buggy’s pirate life as if he was no longer a pirate, or demand him to tell stories of his adventures and the islands he saw and finally he would tease Buggy the most by talk about his red nose. There were few times where he would slip and curse the boy out loud but thankfully he has bad hearing so Buggy would pretend that he said nothing.

Shamrock didn’t have bad hearing, he could hear every muttered insult that Buggy threw at him but he wasn’t offended that much to punish his new slave, at least not yet. Because from what his father told him if he doesn’t remind them of their place they would retaliate. But the red haired boy wasn’t ready to force Buggy to hide this part of him and make him act like all the mindless servants around here who’d comply to every order.

They were boring but Buggy wasn’t.

He still made Buggy serve him by ordering him to clean up his room or organize his study, which surprised Shamrock of how organized and tidy Buggy was, which only gave him the excuse to tease him further by saying how he can’t be a pirate with such manners. And that would trigger Buggy to brag about how he was raised by this man called Rayleigh who taught him how to clean and that cleanliness was important.

With time Shamrock realized he liked when Buggy bragged about himself, but not when he bragged about other people. He didn’t like how Buggy still spoke about how his captain Roger would find him and take him away. He can’t do that because Shamrock bought Buggy fair and square he has the papers to prove it but who is he kidding they were pirate they don’t care about the legal things they only care about stealing and he will make sure that Roger won’t steal Buggy away.

Shamrock realized that not only did he not like it when buggy talked about other people proudly but also when other people looked at him. During the play date which his father forces him to go to to make connections with young heirs like himself, they would have one look at Buggy show excitement about his unique appearance and then offer to by him from him.

He didn’t like that one bit Buggy was his. So he forced Buggy to wear clothes that showed the branding on his back that showed the family symbol. Forcing Buggy to remove his beanie and that is when Shamrock realized that he never saw Buggy’s hair. It was pretty, he would find himself thinking and then add it to the list of things he can use to tease Buggy with to gain a reaction.

Buggy would sleep in his room because he is tired of waiting for him to come from the slaves room, Buggy would shower regularly because he will not have his favorite toy playmate stink up the room especially while they are playing one of those games of the people like “wrestling” or “hide and seek”. Buggy would be wearing clothes that not only showed the family symbol but also clothes that matched Shamrock to show that Buggy belonged to him even further.

But doing all that was not enough he need to have Buggy more to himself. He cut him off from any other slave that tried to make friends with him, he looked him up in his personal chamber when he would go to family or personal meetings, to ensure Buggy doesn’t wander off.

And during one night, where Buggy yet again was forced to tell a story of his life as a pirate, did he realized it was the spark in Buggy’s that bothered him, that spark that shown every time Buggy spoke of Roger or any other pirate of his ship. The spark of hope of escaping him. It angered Shamrock and he decided that he needed to get rid of two things, Buggy’s hope of escaping and Buggy’s love for the sea.

The first thing was Buggy love for the sea, he needed Buggy to forget ever sailing again. And so when he learned about devil fruits and their ability to take away a person’s ability to swim he immediately needed one. That when he goes to another auction house and find it half destroyed when asked who did it the owner told his father that it was the Roger pirates and Shamrocks blood ran cold. Because at that moment he realized that Buggy was right, that he was indeed part of the Roger pirates and they are looking for him. But he will never give him buggy because again he was His.

((Reminder, they are still children in this part, so imagine Shamrock being the “mine” type of kid))

He buys a fruit not caring what it does and finds away to trick Buggy to eat it and then blame Buggy by saying how it was his own fault for eating it never revealing that it was his plan all along. And then emphasizes how Buggy can’t be a pirate anymore because he can’t swim, that the sea will rejects him and hate him, and Buggy being a young kid he believes it because he never met a pirate with a devil fruit power and none of the Roger pirates had devil fruits, which leads him to crying, and that awakens something in Shamrock.

He never saw Buggy cry, he was always this energetic and impulsive boy he shouldn’t cry, he should have fought back telling Shamrock that he was a liar that it doesn’t matter and he was still a pirate but Buggy didn’t do any of that, he just cried. And Shamrock didn’t know what to do, he just decided to sit beside Buggy and watch him as he covered his face and cried. It bothered him to see the blue haired boy cry but the thought that those tears were caused by the realization that he can’t sail away anymore brought him satisfaction.

Now to deal with the Roger pirates, it was been a years since Buggy became Shamrock’s slave and he can’t imagine a life without him anymore.

So using Buggy’s stories and the only piece of clothes that Buggy refused to give away, even protected it with his own body Shamrock made a plan but he needed his father’s help. He disguised his intentions by telling his father that this plan would stop the pirates from wrecking havoc and they would deemed heros in the eyes of the nobles. So the plan was to plant the beanie somewhere obvious in anew slave market that are sure would catch the pirates attention and make it seem that the boy is no more. That way they would stop attacking the nobles slave market and the marines would have a chance to catch in such vulnerable state.

But the problem is Buggy refused to let go of the beanie he guarded it like a hawk and when Shamrock tried snatch it away from Buggy the look of pure hate he got made him let go of the beanie followed by an unconscious apology. He didn’t like that, no he didn’t like that look at all, buggy looked at him angrily before but never with such pure hate. He didn’t like that look. So change of plan.

Buggy will come with them to the slave market and when the plan is in motion he would make it seem that Buggy dropped his hat and then drag him away with the excuse that there was no time. But it was as if fate itself is agreeing with Shamrock’s right to keep Buggy as his own because something happened.

Whole he and Buggy were exploring the market him and Buggy got separated temporarily and when he realized that Buggy was gone he found him in a cell being whipped by some celestial dragon. And that made Shamrock see red. How dare he hurt was was his! How dare this person whose family was below the fingarland touch what was obviously their property since the family symbol was in display, how dare he hurt His Buggy.

If he had his sword he would probably kill the man as he stands but he only could yell at him as he berates the noble of how dare he damage their family’s property. He was still a child so the celestial dragon didn’t take him seriously until his father, Saint Figarland Garling, showed himself and decided to have a proper talk about respect among ranks.

Shamrock didn’t care about that he wanted to see Buggy and it took him a while to realize that his beanie was not with him when asked about it Buggy told him how the celestial dragon tried to buy a little girl from her mother but Buggy stepped in and stopped him by making him fall and help the mother and daughter escape but he knew they couldn’t escape long so he decided to give the little girl his beanie because it reminded him of himself when he first came in as a slave and told them to escape before the guards caught him and took him away.

“I really loved that hat… but…I it was made for a pirate… and I’m… I”

Buggy fought back tears and he grew speechless only to be startled when Shamrock hugged him. Buggy was surprised and tried to fight Back but feeling his hold tighten buggy hesitantly hugged back thinking that they boy tried comforting him, but if Buggy could see the sinister smile that blasted on the red haired boy’s face he would think that, because the reason why Shamrock hugged Buggy was out of joy since his second step was almost done to make Buggy his.

The final blow to Buggy’s fragile hope of being saved by His captain came when Buggy was 15 years old. Unlike the other slaves Buggy had many privileges of being the favorite some of them in access to food and water, access to the library and he can wear fine clothes. And the other servants knew that and they never cross Buggy because the last person did died horribly for defying Shamrock’s favorite slave. There are some servants that Buggy won over with his Charm and kindness since he would share his privileges with some of them when he can.

And Shamrock didn’t mind as much, because at least Buggy had company when the red hair has to leave his home for days because his responsibilities grew with him, he needed to meet nobles, make a good reputation for himself and practice swordsmenship with his father so he barely had time to meet Buggy but when he did he would drag him to his room where he would demand him talk of every detail of what he did when Shamrock wasn’t around before he would fall asleep cuddling Buggy as if he was his favorite teddy bear.

That wasn’t the only thing that Changed, because of Buggy’s devil fruit ability he gave him an upgraded collar that marked his location at any time or place, had some small shocks that punish Buggy if he did or said something wrong, mostly to please his father and show that he isn’t too kind. And lastly Buggy collar has special sea stone that is activated at the push of a button to stop Buggy’s abilities, which Shamrock would leave it on when he is far away because he was still afraid that Buggy would still try to escape.

((Trigger warning: SH))

So imagine his shock when one day he got the news that Buggy went insane and locked himself in the bathroom and when opened it that found him covered in blood and half dead. Shamrock ran so fast to the infirmary where he found the doctors that are assigned for slaves appointing on Buggy and he screamed at them demanding the family personal doctor to do it instead. And the sight of Buggy scared him, he was pale, the cut on his forearms were deep and groesome and judging from the small cut around his neck he probably tried to slit his throat but was too weak to do so.

When Buggy became stable Shamrock demanded answers and the servants had none, only that Buggy was reading the newspaper and the suddenly started screaming and cursing before running away, when he saw the paper he read it. Roger was declared the king of the pirates and then retired from pirating and how the marines are looking for him. Shamrock was relived that he doesn’t have to worry about Roger anymore but why was Buggy so upset that he would try to take his own life.

When Buggy woke up he was disoriented and was babbling incoherent things, but then Shamrock understood that Buggy felt betrayed.

“He sailed the sea….. he sailed the entire grand line without me… h… He told me that we would do it together…. That I will draw the maps and discover and new world..he.. hehehehe… HAHAHAHAHA!!! F*CKING LIAR!!! He let me to rot here!! A fucking slave to some spoiled brat!! Hehehe! He never cared about me, everything he told me was bullshit, every promise, every speech, was all lies!!”

Again Shamrock held Buggy close, he hugged him as Buggy continued hitting him focusing the blame on him. But Shamrock wasn’t smiling he had a look of pure fear, because he almost lost Buggy, Buggy was almost no more. He was so broken from his captain and crew’s betrayal, the people he saw as family, that he wanted to end his life. And as Buggy fell asleep in his arms after tiring himself and from the medication he took. Shamrock swore to himself that he will never let Buggy take his life again even if he had to tie his hands and break his feet as long as buggy will continue to love by his side Shamrock will be content.

That is when the young red hair realized that this obsession for Buggy ran deeper than that of master and servants, he wanted Buggy to be close to him, like how a married couple do.

After Buggy had came to terms with his new conditions fully, that he will never go back to the sea, how he is now stuck as a slave forever he decided to use his title as a favorite and demand materials from Shamrock in order to make new clothes for his vision, he could have told Buggy that he can employ people for that but he looked to watch Buggy measure his own body and try in finished pieces of clothing but he was most enchanted when Buggy would try to put make up, the red color on his lips or the dark liner on his eyes made the young master experience new things…adult things.

When Buggy finally revealed his new goal he reveled himself as the court jester. How he will use his devil fruit ability and already talent with weapons to make shows to entertain people. Buggy knows that he doesn’t need to show his worth to stay because his master was to “attached” to let him go. But Buggy refused as he doesn’t want to set back and watch people come and go, especially at parties where his only job was to refill Shamrock’s cup or bring him food, which the red hair would get an earful of how he shouldn’t ask him personally that he had other servants but Shamrock insists that his drink and food taste better when Buggy gives it to him. Further teasing him.

The Buggy was a hit, the nobles adored the famous jester of the Figarland family, they would even ask Garling to host parties where Buggy was the center of attention. Which Shamrock hated so much.

Yes he loves to see Buggy preform, he loves to see his proud smile when he succeeds in a trick, but he doesn’t like the sounds of cheers that followed. He doesn’t like how the room felt crowded with everyone around. These tricks and acts were shown to him before anyone else! They were supposed to be for his eyes only! What drove him over the edge is when he overheard several noble family compliment Buggy’s beauty and saying suggestive things.

On that night not only did Shamrock decide that Buggy shall no longer preform in front of of anyone but himself but also decided that Buggy will be his lover. Which Buggy opposed too, all this time he thought what they had was simple friendship. But Shamrock manipulated Buggy’s thoughts and insecurities telling him how no one could care for him like he does how it was his love that allowed him to live such a lavish life and how he will make sure that Buggy will continue to live happily if he gave himself and his love to Shamrock…..

Or else he would have to look elsewhere….

The last part terrified Buggy as he doesn’t want to be abandoned again. So he reluctantly accepts to be Shamrock’s lover.

Everyone who knew the heir of the Figarland family personally would tell you how you should never disrespect his favorite jester. Don’t look at the jester for too long, or you’ll have your eyes plugged out. Don’t talk to the jester directly and if you did make sure you’re being respectful, because if you didn’t your tongue will be burned before they cut it out. Don’t compliment the jester too much because the the heir will be driven by jealousy and just kill you in the spot. All in all if the jester was in the same room as you make sure that you don’t upset him in anyway possible because it will be not only you but also everyone else you love life on the line.

Shamrock would take Buggy everywhere he goes. Meetings, training, eating, sleeping. Buggy would never leave his side and in the rare occasion where he has to leave Buggy he would appoint guard to watch over him so that Buggy can roam the palace freely without fear of anyone harming him or himself.

And he was content, well, if you made his father stop nagging him about taking a wife already, he would be content.

He did offer to marry Buggy but his father not only was pissed at his suggestion but also pointed out that he needs an heir that is connected by blood. Shamrock did some research and he found a devil user that could change a person’s gender, even if they were a pirate he could pay them to change Buggy’s gender so he can be able to bear him a family heir. Or he could just kill the devil fruit user search for the respawned fruit and force a servant to eat it so he can turn buggy from female to male on command.

Of course Buggy got pissed at him and threatened him to make his life a living hell if he tried to do such thing with him. But Sahmrock already decided, it would be best to keep Buggy by his side.

But he didn’t push it.

Like before he will take his time, find a way to manipulate Buggy’s thoughts so that in the end it would be his blue haired lover would come to him offering him as a spouse and future parent of their child.

And so he decided to travel and try gather informations about the pirate with the devil fruit and who better to ask than other high nobles and marines. Whom he can find them mostly in slave markets.

Life was perfect….

Until him and Buggy come a cross a person who had the same face as him but with a scare ordering him to release Buggy.

No, this was unacceptable

[moonselune]

hiiii can i request halsin with a tav/reader that has chronic migraines? 🫣 like how he helps alleviate pain/takes care of his partner, etc. thank you! i love your writing <3

yesssssssss i love halsin so much and as i am currently fighting this cold this was very comforting and self indulgent ahah

Halsin x reader | The Weight You Carry

The first time Halsin noticed your pain, it was subtle—so subtle, in fact, that no one else seemed to catch it. It was the way you’d stretch your neck when you thought no one was looking, or how your hand would absently rub at your temple during quiet moments. He noticed the stiffness in your gait after a long day and the tension that pulled your shoulders tight, though you masked it well with humor and determination.

At first, he respected your silence. Halsin understood that some battles were deeply personal. You were strong, capable, and resilient—qualities that had drawn him to you in the first place. But it wasn’t long before he started seeing patterns: the days where you grew uncharacteristically quiet, your energy waning, your laughter fading into strained smiles. And then came the night when the mask finally slipped.

The two of you were seated by the campfire, surrounded by your companions. Lae'zel and Karlach were sparring nearby, their boisterous laughter echoing in the cool evening air. Astarion was polishing his daggers, and Gale was lost in one of his tomes. You, however, sat unnaturally still, your hand pressed firmly to your forehead.

Halsin leaned toward you, his warm voice low so only you could hear. "My heart, are you well?"

You forced a smile, waving him off. "I’m fine. Just tired."

But then a low groan slipped out before you could stop it, and Halsin’s sharp gaze fixed on you, unwavering. He shifted closer, his large hand gently cupping your face, turning it so you had no choice but to meet his eyes.

"This is not mere fatigue," he said, his voice a mixture of concern and quiet authority. "You are in pain. How long has this been happening?"

You sighed, realizing there was no point in hiding it anymore—not from him.

"It’s nothing new," you admitted softly. "I’ve dealt with this my whole life. Chronic pain, migraines…some days are better than others."

His brow furrowed deeply, his concern etched into every line of his face. "Why have you never spoken of this? You should not have to bear such a burden alone."

"I’ve managed just fine," you said, your voice firmer than you intended. "I’ve been dealing with this for years. I’m used to it."

Halsin shook his head, his golden eyes filled with a quiet determination. "Being used to pain does not mean you should accept it without help. Allow me to ease your suffering where I can."

From that moment on, Halsin took it upon himself to be your healer, your comfort, and your fiercest advocate. He threw himself into the task with the same dedication he showed to protecting nature.

He delved deep into his knowledge of herbs and natural remedies, crafting salves and tinctures designed to ease your pain. He brewed teas with calming properties, their scents of lavender, chamomile, and valerian filling the camp. At night, when the migraines were at their worst, he would sit beside you, his large hands cradling your head as his thumbs gently massaged your temples. His warmth seemed to seep into you, grounding you as his deep voice murmured soothing words about the beauty of the natural world and the strength he saw in you.

When the pain became too much, and you couldn’t hold back your tears, Halsin never wavered. He would hold you close, his arms a fortress against the storm.

"Let it out, my love," he would say, his voice steady and calm. "You are safe with me."

It wasn’t just his remedies and his comfort, though. Halsin became something of a mother hen, watching you with a careful eye and stepping in before you could protest.

"You’ve been on your feet all day," he said one afternoon, nudging you toward a soft patch of grass. "Sit. Rest. I’ll handle the firewood."

"I’m fine, Halsin," you replied, though your legs were aching.

"You are strong," he said, his tone gentle but firm. "But even the strongest among us need to rest."

Another day, as the group stopped for a meal, he handed you a bowl of hearty stew, his expression leaving no room for argument.

"I’m not that hungry," you said, though the smell made your stomach growl.

"You need your strength," he insisted, sitting beside you to ensure you ate. "And after this, I’ll make you some tea to help with the tension in your shoulders."

You couldn’t help but laugh softly. "You know, Halsin, I’ve been dealing with this my whole life. I’ve withstood worse than this."

"I know," he said, his golden eyes meeting yours with a seriousness that made your heart ache. "And that is precisely why I cannot stand idly by. You may be strong—stronger than most—but you deserve care, just as much as anyone else."

That night, as you lay with your head in his lap, Halsin’s fingers combing through your hair in slow, soothing strokes, you felt lighter than you had in weeks. The pain was still there, a dull throb at the edge of your awareness, but his presence made it easier to bear.

"You’re too good to me," you murmured, your voice thick with gratitude and drowsiness.

"I simply give you what you deserve," he replied, his lips brushing against your temple in a soft kiss.

"You don’t have to worry so much," you said, looking up at him with a tired smile. "I’m tougher than I look."

"I know you are," he said, his voice warm with affection. "But you should not have to be tough all the time. Let me share the weight, my heart."

As sleep began to claim you, you thought of how lucky you were to have Halsin—a man who saw your pain not as a weakness but as a testament to your strength. And though he couldn’t take it away completely, his love made it bearable.

this was so wholesome oml, i hope you guys enjoyed it!!! - Seluney xox

If you want to support me in other ways | Help keep this moonmaiden caffeinated x

[ftmpuppyboy11037]

god im such a fucked up slut into too much shit im scared to tell my girlfriend cause i dont want her think im gross or too needy

i want her to tie me up and blindfold me while she trails her knife down my body. i want her to hurt me. i want my skin to be red from her hitting me. i want marks and bruises. i want hickeys. i want the imprint of her teeth on me. i want her to put a shock collar on me. i want her to take me out in public with a remote control vibrator stuffed in me. god last time we fucked she said couldnt fit herself all the way in my cunt and i asked her to stop cause it was too much and she did and thats good but now i want her to try to push even deeper. god id lose my fucking mind if she did. i cant even think straight its not fair. its so not fair and im not allowed to get myself off.

i wanna live together and i just be walking around in nothing but one of her shirts so she can use me whenever she needs. id let her. id let her do so many things. ive never really smoke or drank before but id let her get me high or drunk or crossfaded just to fuck me while im all hazy. id let her use my while i was asleep. waking up to her fucking me or waking up in the morning with her gone and cum dripping out of me and marks left on me and a soreness between my legs telling me id been used. id let her do all that cnc shit to me (heavy focus on that first "c" tho)

id let her take videos and pictures of me to sell them or to show me off or even just to keep for ourselves. id let her bring her friends over to watch me get fucked. hell id even let them fuck me too if thats what she wants. i think shes too possessive for that though ehe.

id let her leave me tied up with a vibrator pressed against me or shoved inside me so she can see how long ill last until i cant take cumming anymore. id let her try out different toys on me just to see which ones i react to the most. even painful ones or ones that would be too much for my stupid little cunt. god i want her to degrade me. i need her to tell me just how useless and depraved i am. how the only thing im good for is getting filled and toyed with and how even then im not very good at that.

so here we are. anonymous tumblr posting

but fuck im too scared to tell her. i already feel annoying and needy anytime i tell her about milder stuff and it makes me nervous

not because of anything shes done i just have mental issues 😣

[ippipo]

self aware caleb

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | smutty stuff | part 4

"how would you react if i came to your world?"

the question caught you off guard. "where is this coming from?" you ask. "nothing, just wondering," he replies, although you didn't exactly believe him. sure, you hoped he would, but it wasn't realistic.

"now that you ask, i don't think i would be ready," you reply honestly. you don't notice the way his expression drops. "i would be surprised in a good way, of course. but i don't think it's realistic."

"hm," and with that, he remains quiet the entire time. you ask him questions and he replies normally, but he never initiated the conversation for a while.

the next day, he suddenly calls out to you while you were eating. "y/n, i'll be busy for a while. i have some things to take care of," he says, leaving without giving you a chance to reply. strange.

the next few weeks after that were incredibly gloomy. everything happened so fast, you didn't have time to process it. and everything ended even quicker that you didn't get to enjoy the time you had with him. your game wasn't working anymore. caleb wouldn't reply to your texts on the weird number he texted you from. and college kept getting more stressful.

it wasn't until you got some time to yourself after a hectic week. you waltzed into your living room and before you could reach the sofa, you fell onto your knees. after days of holding it in, you realized how much toll it took on your body.

you cupped your face as you tried to stop the burning tears which threatened to come out. soon, those tears turned into painful sobs. you cried out, trying to breath in but your chest was hurting. you missed him so much and you didn't even realize it until now.

caleb had become such a common part of your life in the past six months to the point that his absence feels like you lost a part of yourself. "get it together," you scold yourself, voice quivering as you sobbed uncontrollably. 'what did i do wrong?' you ask yourself.

'everything seemed fine, so what happened now?' the question looming over your mind the entire night till you were too tired and passed out from exhaustion on the floor.

when you woke up after your breakdown, it was around 1 am in the morning. and you slowly started resenting caleb for it. he got you hooked and suddenly left you with no explanations whatsoever.

a notification pops up on your screen, and you were so not in the mood for it. but you decided to reply to it anyway.

ne-andy-thal 👅

babe

you wont believe what just happened

pls wake up i miss u alresdy

plsplsplsplspls

actually ill text u tomorrow morning

i heard the engineering department busted their asses off and roped in other deps too, are u doing alright?

anyways, love u sleep well sorry for disturbing u <3

bitch you just saw my message

answer me tf???

you

hey

i'm not in the mood rn andy

ne-andy-thal 👅

rude??

you

sorry, i'm just going through some stuff

ne-andy-thal 👅

is everything ok bby? what happened??

you

no, things just took a turn and everything is spiralling outta my control

ne-andy-thal 👅

i have some news that might distract u if u wanna listen

its pretty big news

and u wont believe me at first but i have proof too

you

go on

ne-andy-thal 👅

can i come over for this?

ill bring over some ice cream for u to wallow

i have cookies and cream

you

please?

andy bae, did i ever tell you how much i love and cherish you?

ne-andy-thal 👅

never before 😒

but ill accept it now

cuz im such a great friend

you

💋💋💋

ne-andy-thal 👅

ewwww 🤢🤮

you

asshole

come over quick

"you will not fucking believe what just happened," andy comes in with a bang on your front door. you wince at the noise. "honey, calm down, it's 2 am in the fucking morning," you warn before pulling him to your side and hugging him. his warmth giving you the much needed comfort.

"aw my baby, are you alright?" he asks while rubbing your back. you sniffle and answer, "no, everything sucks."

"distract me?" you ask. "alright, yes. so basically, you know the game we play, right?" his words make you frown, remembering caleb. you nod, trying to not let it affect you.

"so, sylus is....sentient," he says with enthusiasm in his tone, completely contradicting your indifferent state. "why are you not excited?" he asks with a glare. "i- well, you know how i just had a breakdown?" you begin, watching him nod.

"that was because there was this whole fiasco where caleb became self aware six months ago, and now he left without saying a word or two," you continue, watching as andy goes through a spectrum of emotions.

"wha- wait, what?!" he gasps loudly, making you wince. "too loud, babe," you say. "right, sorry. but you didn't even care to tell me? your best friend?" his glare intensifies. "sorry.....i just thought you would freak out," you admit with an apologetic smile.

"okay, my feelings aside, let's focus on you first. were you guys dating?" he asks. "no, i don't know what it was, i just knew i had a thing for him a-and now it's all gone," your voice breaks in between. andy pulls you into an embrace before running his hand through your hair, trying to comfort you. it worked like magic.

"i'm so sorry, honey. maybe we could ask sy? only if you want to know. it's totally fine if you want to detach from the whole thing," he suggests, hugging you tighter when he feels a wet spot on his shoulder. "i really want to know."

"alright, then. but let's get you freshened up first, you stink right now," he covers his nose mockingly. you slap his shoulder and laugh. "strange way to thank your amazing friend, but it's okay for today," he huffs.

you take a quick shower and notice that andy put your clothes out. you smile at the action and make a mental note to give him the biggest hug known to mankind before he leaves tomorrow. you wear your clothes and leave your room, only to find a familiar deep voice talking to your best friend.

"she's doing alright, now. all i gotta do now is stop her from finishing both the tubs leaving nothing for me before she gets a sugar rush and destroys me in mario kart," he complains to his phone. a deep chuckle erupts from the phone. "can't believe you're complaining about me to my second favourite character, what a great friend," you roll your eyes at him before settling down next to him, cuddling up to his warmth.

"hi, hope you're feeling better. i just heard what happened," sylus says to you, a smile ghosts over his lips. you shy away from his vision, feeling strange and embarrassed. "she is, she has me, after all," andy pops in between, putting you in a headlock with his slightly muscular arms, choking you in that process.

"a-and-dy, can't b-breathe," you choke out. he quickly removes his hands and hits your back for some reason. "sorry, sorry, sorry. are you okay?" he apologizes frantically. you recover from the lack of oxygen and notice sylus's amused smile, directed towards your friend. you grin internally at the clear display of silent admiration.

andy walks to the refrigerator to get your ice cream and you take it as the perfect opportunity to call out sylus. "keep it in your pants, sylus," you say with a giggle, watching as he turns away while his ears turn red.

"here's your ice cream," andy sings out and places the tub in front of you, ready to be emptied within a few moments. "today i'm gonna introduce you to the worst thing that will ever happen to you, sy," andy says it in an eerily enthusiastic voice. "and that is?" sylus raises a brow.

"the notebook." you snort when you hear andy's words. you really wanted to see sylus cry, for some sick reason. "interesting," he says as his eyes follow andy's movements. the three (two) of you settle down comfortably, wrapped up in a warm blanket and a full tub of happiness along with the most saddest film known to mankind.

you look at your best friend one last time, a fuzzy feeling erupting inside your chest, feeling so fucking grateful you had someone to lean on.

somewhere in the dark in your room, a figure shuffles from its place. a heavy gaze directed towards you and your friend in the living room.

[ejzah]

Blunt Force, Part 8

Kensi woke up with a terrible headache and feeling completely unrested. It took her a moment to remember why she felt so awful, then it came back to her with awful, stunning clarity.

She’d kissed Deeks. Or he’d kissed her. Either way, she hadn’t stopped it.

Honestly, Kensi couldn’t say exactly why she’d decided to cross that boundary. Maybe it was a desperate attempt to connect to Deeks when he couldn’t remember anything about their relationship. At least that sounded better than taking advantage of her recently concussed partner’s memory loss.

The last time they’d kissed had been fleeting and underscored by the immediate danger of their undercover operation. This time, she’d had enough to remember and appreciate the feel of Deeks’ lips on hers, the softness of his hair between her fingers, and the overwhelming desire that filled her. Then, after admitting how much she’d wanted to kiss him, she’d run off like a lunatic.

Groaning, Kensi rolled onto her stomach and pushed her face into her pillow. She’d just made their already complicated relationship that much messier. Their next interaction was going to be incredibly awkward.

She sat up suddenly as she realized the sun shone brightly through her open curtains. Ignoring the pain that spiked through her forehead, and grabbed her watch.

“Dammit!” she hissed. It was after seven, which meant she’d left Deeks to fend for himself for over twelve hours.

Fumbling for her phone, she checked for any new messages. Realistically, she hadn’t expected Deeks to contact her, but she was still disappointed when her only notification included a meme from Nell. Normally, Deeks would have sent her half a dozen messages, pretending nothing awkward had happened.

After a few moments of hesitating with her thumbs hovering over the keypad, she typed out a simple message.

Hey, how are you doing?

Kensi waited a full five minutes for a response. When none came, she put her phone to the side, and slid out of bed. He was probably just sleeping and didn’t need her hovering over him.

She managed to forget about Deeks for approximately two minutes straight while getting ready. As she brushed her hair, her thoughts started to spiral again.

What if something had happened to him? He could be sick from another bout of vertigo. Or god, what if the doctors were wrong and he actually had a brain bleed?

That last thought stopped her mid-brush through her hair. She couldn’t risk it. Throwing her still-damp her back in a clip, she pulled on the first pair of shoes she found, grabbed her keys, and texted Nell on her way out the door to say she’d be running a couple hours late.

***

Kensi knocked in Deeks’ front door for the third time, waiting impatiently for some sound of life. Again, images of Deeks passed out in the middle of the floor assaulted her and she started to reach for her keys again, intending to use the emergency key Deeks gave her during their first year as partners.

Just as she started reach for the lock, she heard a bolt being thrown and the door opened a few inches. Deeks’ face appeared in the opening; he squinted at her, wincing against the morning light.

“Kensi?” he said after a slightly too long pause.

“Hey.” Now that he was in front of her, clearly alive, if not completely well, she felt a little foolish.

“What are you doing here?”

“I—um, I just wanted to check in on you. I didn’t hear from you all night,” she explained, automatically doing her own assessment.

He looked awful. His skin had that slightly grayish tinge she associated with sickness with darker stripes under his eyes.

“I am so sorry,” she apologized, and Deeks gave her a confused look.

“Why?”

“For abandoning you. I said I’d stay with you and then I just left, and now look at you.”

“I’d be offended if I didn’t feel so terrible,” he said, and Kensi’s guilt surged. He opened the door a little wider, turning away as he waved her through with a grimace. “Come in. It’s too bright out here.”

All the blinds and curtains were drawn inside, leaving the living room as dark as it could get during the daytime. The coffee table had a few cups that hadn’t been there yesterday and a collection of random objects that made Kensi think Deeks had been trying to distract himself.

Making himself comfortable on the couch, Deeks rested his cheek on his fist, suppressing a yawn.

“Do you want some coffee or tea? I can make some. Or breakfast. I mean, I don’t really cook, but I can pour cereal or go out and get you something,” Kensi offered.

“Coffee sounds nice,” he sighed. “But you don’t have to wait on me.”

“I don’t mind.” She hurried off before Deeks could question her motives or she could say or do anything else to embarrass herself.

It took about ten minutes for the coffee to brew, and like a complete coward, she didn’t leave the kitchen the entire time. She poured them each a cup, carrying it back out to the living room.

Deeks had switched from one side of the couch to the other, an arm thrown over her face. She thought he might be sleeping until he peeked out from under his elbow, sitting up enough to accept the coffee.

“Thanks.” He inhaled deeply and took a cautious sip.

Kensi stayed standing, acutely aware of the uncomfortable silence, but not sure how to break it.

“So, are we going to talk about why you left last night?” Deeks asked, cutting right to the chase.

“I don’t know, I was kind of hoping we’d ignore it. Go on with our lives like it never happened,” she joked.

“Ouch.” The word didn’t have its usual snap behind it, but once again it was such a Deeks thing, her Deeks, to say, she found herself moving closer. “Obviously you can do whatever you want, but it doesn’t seem particularly healthy.”

Well, that was the understatement of the year. Sitting on the other side of the couch, Kensi heaved a sigh. It was so hard to dent Deeks anything when he was hurt and confused.

“We have a ‘thing’,” she explained, gesturing expansively with her hands to encompass their unique relationship.

“A ‘thing’,” Deeks repeated dubiously.

“You know, we flirt and probably have way too much physical comments, but never actually talk about how we might feel and mostly pretend nothing’s going on.”

“That sounds…confusing.”

“Yeah, well, we’re kind of a mess,” she admitted, and Deeks laughed softly, his grin lazy, and a little slow.

“So when we kissed last night—?” He gave her a questioning look and she ran her hands over her thighs before facing him fully.

“It was the first time.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.” She offered him a grim smile, clutching her mug of coffee like it would solve all her problems.

“Where does that leave us?” Deeks wondered.

“I don’t know,” she said honestly. “I’m not sure I’m ready to deal with any of that just yet.” She gestured again to indicate the kiss. “I do know I’m not going anywhere, I mean unless you ask me to get out.” Deeks smiled again and it gave her the courage to continue. “You’re my partner and friend and I will be here with you and for you as long as I can.”

“I think I can handle that.” Holding out his free hand, Deeks waited for her to bridge the gap between them and take it. When she did, he squeezed with just enough pressure for it to feel like a promise.

[fisheito]

Typing "capsaicin snake effect" into the search bar so i can figure out if yakumo can eat spicy food

[buckingham-ashtray]

The Invisible Clubber........................ SMILING. CAN'T STOP SMILING. LIFE SO HAPPY. LOVE. LOVE LIFE. BEAT GETTING FASTER. CAN'T STOP SMILING. NOW JUST HARMONY. NO BEAT. MELODY. STOP MOVING. SMILE TO THE SKY. ALL STANDING STILL. BEAUTIFUL. NEVER BEEN SUCH HARMONY IN ALL HISTORY. WANT TO KISS EVERYONE. THEY WANT TO KISS ME. BREATHE IN. BREATHE OUT.................

Sebastian's Story.......... Sometimes I wonder what it'll be like to die. I'll find myself drifting off, staring at something, anything and I'll stop blinking. I feel my whole body slowing down... My heartbeat... And I wonder how long it'll be broken

*Sorry that I couldn't find the source where I got this from and have no idea when this was released. If anyone has the link I will be very glad to insert it!

[cent-scratchnsniff]

progressing through the myth of sisyphus again

[mosstrades]

watching isttvg with your partner and holding their hand with the sudden awareness of how close you came to death. thinking: we are alive, we are alive, we are alive. thinking: every day we save ourselves from more and worse. thinking: for the love of god, dont let go.