janiewhiterp-blog-blog

[3584-tropical-fish]

Last day! Thank you for running this @podcastgirlsweek !! It was very fun :)

Free space!

Just a doodle page of some of my faves that I spent far too much time on for a doodle page, but I like it

[scaredofmyocs]

YES THATS PAULA FOX AS DONNA NOBLE TAKING THE PLACE OF JACKIE TYLER

no one in the umjammer lammy universe would be jackie tyler in my mind sadly but its ok i think this is possible

images i drew over and the video i took it from i only traced that one line because katy was behind the console and it works best like that

i dont ship tenrose (I ALSO DONT HATE IT I JUST PREFER OTHER THINGS) but like idk who else lammy would be really. martha and donna are way too confident imo and yeah so is rose but not as much. and also katy would still have to be ten yk shes not 11. maybe lammy is 11 when she has her guitar tho idk i just wanted to draw doctor who and also umjammer lammy so. also yeah i cut out backgroudn pieces for the close ups because i didnt want to draw their faces that close to the screen what of it.

[the-gay-trashmouth]

The force watching Cobblestones- ft married lesbians, a very excited Stat, Dad, Dad two, overly affectionate Twink, and a smitten dumbass.

[nyamarin]

.

[relaxxattack]

Someone's probably asked you this before but how long did it take you to plan out the plot for knifetrick? What did you do to come up with everything and do you have any tips for other writers who are struggling to put together their own fics?

after checking out my history lol,

it seems i did serious brainstorming and research for about a week before i started writing.

what happened first was that i had in my head the funny idea of ran failing to kill jackie and them getting tax-benefit married (to make ran feel guilty and admit his plot)

and once i realized i wanted to make it into an actual story, i had to change some of it and come up with plot and reasoning.

the first thing i did was ask my followers for song requests, lol. i asked specifically for “songs about futuristic settings or being married to/loving your assassination target”

i listened to a lot of that music to get my brain juices flowing. i had to put together a couple of Reasons for why things happened. i also knew i couldn’t just write the fic on the assassination alone, or else ran would have nothing to distract him and be the overarching plot, lol

the music helped me picture scenes and concepts. i then just jotted down a bunch of stuff i thought would be interesting to happen (possible scenes)

a couple thoughts on this image— for one you can see that i originally wanted to name my fic after a movie. i looked up ones where assassins grow endeared to their targets and fail to kill them. but i realized i didn’t want to name the fic after a movie in case it was controversial or something, so i ended up going for a song instead. ALSO, as you can tell, some of these points got dropped! again, this was just brainstorming for things i wanted to include

the next thing i did was ask for ranjack classpects, lol. for those unfamilliar with classpecting, it’s sort of like personality types for really sad nerds (/lh). aka, hogwarts houses but more complicated.

@dyketubbo wrote some INCREDIBLE classpects for ran and jackie. it was based off what we knew about their personalities (which wasn’t much) but it also helped us infer a lot MORE about their personalities by figuring out where they could go or how they probably think in their minds.

if you don’t know classpects you can probably do this with personality types. or, just, figure out your characters personality some Normal way. i wouldn’t know.

there was a lot more brainstorming i did (where i came up with ms. laramie, scoots, and clementine) and tried to come up with a basic plot of what would happen and what they would do. during this i did some research on a proper three-act story structure so my plot would hit just right.

during all of this, i watched a bunch of spy and futuristic flicks (not too intensely, just had them on in the background to absorb the vibes).

i then made a plot map once i figured i knew what was gonna happen

(the last few chapters are on the other side of the paper, so you don’t get to see them haha)

a lot of this stuff got switched around or dropped completely as i was writing. honestly, the details don’t matter too much— the FLOW of the story is what’s important.

i’m very flexible with my scenes— literally what happens in a chapter is completely up in the air until i FINISH the chapter. sometimes they’re entirely different from my original ideas. it’s not too important to me what exactly happens, as long as it makes sense and i like it and it fits in with the rest.

in my mind, the events themselves are not as impressive as the characters in them. as long as i’m still developing the characters the way i need to throughout the story, and they eventually get to the plot points i need them to, i don’t worry too much about the specifics! as long as they’re fun.

i also didnt write chapter-by-chapter— i mapped the plot first, and then drew little dividing lines where i thought it would be good to end the chapter after. chapters are useful to me as pacing tools, but i didnt want the plot to seem too episodic by Planning it as chapters.

after i wrote the plot map, i did research on deserts, cities, and fantasy politics for DAYS. (i also watched videos on how fantasy militaries should work.) i ended up not using most of that information i came up with, but the parts that do leak through into my current writing do wonders to make the world feel real and alive. each character has a personality and a life, they aren’t just there to be background characters for ran and jackie.

then, i re-read a few books by authors who really inspire me. to get their narration voice fresh in my mind and feel really inspired

eventually we got to where we are now— i write the chapters and i post them!

as i’ve mentioned, i’m very flexible with my plot— so while i’ve foreshadowed certain things since the beginning, some parts of the story have only come perfectly together towards the end. and i have @shrugofgod to thank for that!

my wonderful editor is always willing to chat with me about what scenes and bits work and are most satisfying story-wise. of course lyssie also EDITS my chapters after they’re drafted — to make them more polished, and also ask me questions about things that are going on to clarify them.

many thanks to lyssie shrugofgod for making the story so much better :D

because my chapters have a tendency to get away from me and do whatever they want, if there’s certain plot things i need to hit in a chapter, i’ll outline the chapter before i write it.

also, recently, (after coming up with one too many REALLY COOL scenes and lines in my head while cleaning, but then completely forgetting them later) i’ve implemented a protocol for myself to jot down anything that comes to mind WHEN it happens so i don’t forget.

these are unprofessional and have spelling errors and all that, because i just wrote them really quickly, often while doing the dishes or laundry, lol.

so in conclusion:

um yeah that’s how i write knifetrick! i’ve never done this much work for any other fic though, so don’t feel like YOU have to. i did so much research for knifetrick because it was very out of my wheelhouse.

at most all i think is necessary for a good story is a plot map, and a hell of a lot of inspiration. (i got mine from music, movies, books, and drawing ran and jackie a lot, haha!)

make sure you’re having fun with your plot. writing won’t always be fun, but you should at least like your PLOT. because if you don’t then you won’t be inspired or enjoy it at all!

[itsthecupbros]

the gang now has a huge fortune and any antagonistic muse that sees them wants and will stop at nothing to get there hands on that fortune not even murder.

//uhhhh.... oddly specific but okay- I hardly know any antagonistic muses so im making it so that your muse becomes antagonistic when they interact//

-the main four sat in their living room, none of them knew what to say. Cuphead and bendy sat on opposite sides of the couch, lost was sitting in a chair nearby. He was pretending to be drawing, but in actuality he was just staring at the page, he didnt want to be talked to. Mugman was sitting in an armchair, staring at his lap and fiddling with one of his gloves. Cuphead cleared his throat, getting nervous-

Cuphead: ..so.. um... you... you followed your dreams...?

-mugman looked up- ..huh...?

cuphead: ..you.. um.. you’re... -he awkwardly gestured to mugman’s dress-

-mugman looked down before his face flushed a light blue color- ..u-um.. y-yeah... I.. I figured if nothing matters, why should I care about what I look like..?

-cuphead didnt seem to know how to respond to that-

Mugman: ...do you like it...?

-cuphead looked up again, surprised- of course I do!

-mugman opened his mouth to say something, but just then, a huge pile of money, gold coins, and various precious gems (NOT LIVING ONES) fell from the ceiling in the middle of the room, mugman was so surprised he knocked the armchair over, cuphead’s eyes went wide, lost scrambled backwards, bendy jumped off the coach and hit behind a lamp-

@moth-steven  @ask-flamey-candelstick or @jerkfaced-jackie @purple-steven @corvid-steven @trauma-steven @this is mostly as sh*tpost rp dont take it too seriously-

[isa-ghost]

WHICH HEADCANONS DO WE SHARE??? BECAUSE YOUR LISTS INSPIRED ME TO MAKE THIS ONE -River

O H SHIT I DIDNT KNOW OMG OK IM DKSJDFJK??

WELL NOW YOU WANNA MAKE ME LIST ALL MINE HHGHJG

UHHH THE ONES WE GOT IN COMMON ARE-

Ima copy/paste for convenience.

Also gonna put a read more bc its longish

He’s sex-repulsed and aromantic. (Though I think he WOULD use sex as a weapon if he knew itd give him some kind of significant gain of power over someone, but personal relationships are absolutely off the table and disgust him. He often mocks them).

He’s touch starved to the point where he physically cannot stand it unless he is the one controlling it. (Which is part of why he’s such a ravenous little shit on less composed days)

Touch is a major component of his manipulation. He’ll recondition his puppets so that certain gestures (petting hair, massages, hugs, anything that would otherwise be considered kind/affectionate) are only associated with him and his control, so that even when his puppets escape, they still cannot receive the affection they crave and that their friends/families want to give them without thinking of him. (I headcanon this for both bunker!au AND canon Anti bc he knows how nasty the community can be, he’s especially broken bunker!Isa with this. Also I??? L O V E THE WAY YOU WRITE THIS ONE???)

Everything about him is Bad Touch Bad Touch Stranger Danger™️. (He is one hell of an expert into fooling you that this isnt true but nothing about him is more true than this.)

His main targets are the egos and he covets having all of them under his control. He’ll do anything he can to make them obey.  (He can be kinda petty about this just because he loves to spite them when they arent yet under his control, but once they are he is BRUTAL with them).

The community is still important to him because he’s aware they are the source of his power, yet he’s reached a point where he can remain stable (as seen in Quit the Game to Win) due to the steady amount of attention he receives at all times, so they don’t matter as much as they used to anymore. (Im personally not convinced he Doesnt Glitch Anymore but I mean,,,, there WAS that scene in Chase so maybe he just uses glitching as a fear/intimidation tactic now).

He’ll still take the community as puppets; however, he is much less forgiving of their disobedience than he used to be due to sheer numbers. He won’t hesitate to weed out the ones who are disobedient, and will often use them as examples for the rest as to what happens when he no longer sees a use for them. (just…YES YES YES YES YES, you are COMPLETELY expendable to him and only his most obedient puppets are MAYBE “immune” to being immediately thrown away and replaced)

He will still glitch out if he’s in a sheer rage, but for the most part, he’s stable and has an actual body, rather than possessing one of the egos or Jack. (The angrier he gets, the more unstable he is and the scarier it is for you because if he grows intangible you are FUCKED. However he WILL possess egos or Jack to fuck with the other egos/Jack if he isnt the one possessed because he thrives off this being one of their worst fears. But he doesnt need their bodies for executing his plans).

His actual powers are string manipulation, electrical manipulation, shapeshifting, possession, and mind control (to an extent).

His strings are often both physical and mental- a physical representation allows him to start to break down a puppet’s spirit and give them a reminder that they are helpless without him (or they were once/are still too weak to resist him), while the mental strings allow him to actually control them through conditioned responses, manipulation/brainwashing, and even mind control and possession. (Once a puppet, always a puppet. ;) Even when the strings are “dropped” he can easily pick them back up with just a few words)

He’ll manipulate people using whatever tactics work best against them based on their personalities. Those who are attracted to power get a taste of it when under his control; those who are disobedient get put through a harsh mix of isolation, torture, and brainwashing; and those who are thirsty get manipulated by touch and false comfort/promises. (This one’s worded just so perfectly, just,,, MMMMMMM)

He doesn’t have an echo chamber BUT he DOES have a pocket universe void type thing that he hid Henrik in during his disappearance. Nobody knows how to get in or out, the SHRED of possibility you can escape is determined in that moment and is not guaranteed to work for everyone or every time you are thrown in here by him.

Each of the egos has something he wants to use them for. We share his purposes for Jackie, Marvin, Chase and Henrik. (Your idea for his need for JJ is heckin Big Brain though :O)

He’s spent the last two years or so studying each ego with fervor. We might have different things he’s studied and some similar ones. He ALSO studies their families to use as leverage/blackmail towards them.

After seeing how the community mocked him after Kill JSE, he decided to switch tactics. He cooled his temper and now presents himself as a cunning, manipulative being that plans for everything and knows exactly what he’s doing. But if manage to draw out his simmering rage, he won’t hesitate to make you suffer. (Sometimes he owns his rage and cruelty proudly, other times he sees way more manipulative gain in being more stable, especially towards thirstier puppets.)

His electrical manipulation allows him to tune into cameras and other electronics the way he would during a partial possession. He can reconfigure settings, watch his puppets through the cameras, track their locations, etc. He can even manipulate tens of thousands of people with a simple little glitch. (He also has tons of monitors and such of his own located all throughout locations he frequents).

His mind control works through eye contact, but with his electrical manipulation, it can work through a screen. (His strings also assist in mind control).

Disobedience. Is. Death. ;) (However highly useful long-time puppets and egos are exempt from this and instead condemned to extensive torture and isolation. Why throw away your most reliable tools if you know you can fix a bug theyre having? ;D)

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP. 5

LAST TIME ON SINGY WINGY

ANGRY GREMLIN BEAT UP GOOD BY SUICIDE MOVE SURVIVE BLUE BIRD YES. BLUE BIRD GO TO HOSPITAL FOR WATER METAPHOR WITH AFTERLIFE GIRLFRIEND. TINY BIRD SAD, BUT THEN NOT GET SAD! JACKIE CHAN TIME AFTER MUCH THINKING. WIFE WORRIED ABOUT THINGS. SOMETHING SOMETHING PUNCH GOOD NOW.

Let us continue.

Miku wakes up to see her wife has run off yet again. This is the part of the Sam Reimi’s Spiderman franchise phase where the Mary Jane (not weed) begins having a rockier relationship with Peter Parker (not slang for penis) due to lack of availability.

It’s contrived.

It’s almost impressive that she left a note and had time to draw a tiny Hibiki saying something in a bubble. Glad to see you have your priorities straight, Hibiki.

“you know she might have had a better time in the local art school that doodle aint half bad”

Hibiki is motherfucking Rocky all up in this.

She’s going to kick some ass and nobody’s getting in the way.

“YOU’RE GONNA EAT LIGHTING AND YOU’RE GONNA CRRRRRAP THUNDER TACHIBANAAAAA”

“THAT’S A DIET I CAN GET BEHIND”

I wasn’t joking when I said she’s not fucking around anymore. Did you think I was joking? I can see how you can get the impression given the first few episodes, but I really can’t emphasize the thoroughness of the ass kicking she is going to be capable of.

“MY FATHERLY ENERGIES ARE WORKING! ADOPTERS ANONYMOUS WAS WRONG AFTER ALL!”

That’s totally not ominous in the slightest.

Meanwhile, in the middle of an unnamed McMansion in the middle of who knows where...

Gratuitously spoken English is heard. To be fair, it’s actually really impressive pronunciation coming from people whose native language are systemically different to ours. Most shows would just settle for “this dude is actually speaking english but everything is said in japanese for better interpretation” but not Symphogear! No siree!

Relic business is afoot.

We have a random blonde lady shooting random Noise from the thing The Gremlin had in her hands.

She’s really trying her best with her accent. She’s also casually shooting Noise because let’s face it, would we not do the same if it were in our hands?

“i do whatever i want with my big stiff rod pal”

Also, she’s a nudist. To also be fair, if you lived in a fuckoff rich McMansion with weapons beyond your comprehension, you likely couldn’t help but walk around naked doing whatever the fuck you want.

The people she’s talking to are the Americans, which we explained before are portrayed strictly in an antagonistic light. They want some relics, and this lady clearly deals them like like some sort of glorified drug dealer.

Suffice it to say, she’s not a very nice person.

Also, the subs don’t match what they’re saying in English in the slightest.

The name of this woman... is Fine (pronounced fi-neh). And she is the main antagonist of this series.

Fucking identical.

And here is the most unpleasant scene in the entire season.

The person we’ve repeatedly alluded to as The Gremlin is called Yukine Chris. She serves Fine in whatever the hell they’re up to right now. In this case, it’s using the Nehushtan armor to run around with Solomon’s Cane to throw Noise around the city.

“shits gonna get real abusive, pal”

Fine is a narcissistic sociopath. She’s manipulated Chris into servitude by believing she is the only one that can pave humanity into salvation.

“i dont like that smile”

Chris thinks Fine can secure her deepest wish. Ironically? It’s world peace.

“yeah! yeah yeah, world peace, yeah, totally. just treat me like jesus and we’re gucci”

Anyway, she proceeds to thoroughly shock Chris.

The lore behind this is that this is helping her resistance with dealing with the physical demands of the Nehushtan armor, as well as deal with the pieces of Nehushtan that may be still inside. Let’s be real, though. Fine’s a sadist, and just likes hurting people willy nilly.

“fuck... that hurt like shit... hey wait... wouldnt some of the electrical arcs hit you and shock you too, given you’re so naked and close to all this...?”

“ya nevermind that food looks real nice and i want a piece of that fuckin turkey”

It’s a real creepy scene, and it cements Fine’s horribleness really well. One of the most pivotal things to take note is that Fine says that people can only communicate with each other universally through pain. Strong, terrible BDSM overtones notwithstanding, this will be a common (though varying in quality) motif of the entire series.

“BITCH YOU THOUGHT WE WAS GUNNA EAT AFTER THAT FUCKIN’ WISECRACK ABOUT GETTING SHOCKED LIKE YOU’RE EVEN FUCKIN’ NIKOLAI TESLA ALL UP IN HERE WE’RE GONNA ELECTRIC SLIDE YOUR ASS TO NEXT WEEK”

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK”

“WHERE THE FUUUUUUUCK IS HIBIKI?!”

“i was gonna invite her to the circus with the rest of the class ‘cause i felt bad about how i treated her but i guess she’s not here”

“the only clown im interested in is hibiki, in the carnival tent of my own bedroom”

“isn’t being a part of /fit/ great, hibiki? can you just feel the gains?”

“yeah who needs doting wife based significant others when you have your gym bros, right newly acquired father figure?”

Hibiki, having acquired a new brain cell during her training, asks the million dollar question:

“Why the fuck are we relying on schoolgirls to deal with all this stuff?”

“anime just be that way, hibiki. i’m just the wrong protagonist in the wrong show.”

Japan is super big on keeping the Symphogear a secret because they are strong and the world really, really wants a slice of the Symphogear pie. These people are basically walking super-weapons. Tsubasa literally dropped a sword the size of a skyscraper. It’s like the premise of the series of Iron Man films.

“do i get like a superhero name too or”

Something to wrap your head around. This was released around 2012, and while the setting seems to be slightly more futuristic, the world it was made in at the time had not been through the era of social media/smartphones we have right now. It was on the cusp of doing so, which means the idea of decent (yet vertical) amateur footage of things happening wasn’t something in the mainstream yet. Why do I say this?

Because in Symphogear, the fact that Symphogear exist is the biggest open secret in this unidentified city ever. NDAs are passed like hotcakes to keep people’s mouths shut on seeing monster-fighting singing superheroes. And they sing, too! Symphogears as an entity are the most high-profile fighting agents out there. Bright colors, no masks, constant singing, fighting in broad daylight in populated areas. Everybody knows, but no one says a word.

Which means every politician on the face of Japan hates these idiots, but they’re stuck with them out of sheer necessity.

“i swear to god if you bring up sam reimi’s spiderman one more goddamned time”

“look it’s the truth, all anime comes back to sam reimi’s spiderman. fate zero did it. uhhh, fucking...baccano, probably? now us. face it. its pretty much the bible.”

It’s also pointed out that the very concept of a Symphogear is born from a science that didn’t exist, and it probably contributes to political frustration as well.

“im going to microwave all your sam reimi spiderman dvds. im gonna do it. you try me, motherfucker. i didnt go into acting and get into this position to hear lectures about a decades old film franchise nobody cares about anymore.”

“can we stop fighting about the validity of sam reimi’s spiderman for five seconds and get back to helping me thing of a dope as hell superhero name? now, lemme lay one on you: Mister Fister”

Hibiki asks where Code Ryoko is.

“any answer besides Not Here works”

“oh, she left to talk to the americans, why?”

“huh, shes sorta late, actually”

“WHY A BAD BITCH LIKE ME GOTTA GET STUCK IN TRAFFIC LIKE THIS”

In the mother of all Mom Vans, no less.

MEANWHILE... IN METAPHOR LIMBO...

Tsubasa has reached the sea floor of the water metaphor dimension surrounded by water, which is her feelings, which are very gay. Imagine the Mariana Trench but like, deeper. Way deeper. That’s where Tsubasa is.

Leave it to Kazanari “I am literally a sword” Tsubasa to successfully spin the very act of surviving a suicidal move during combat as a failure. That’s a special kind of self loathing right there.

“the sheer force of my love for big ladies is keeping me alive”

Tsubasa asks about the point of Kanade’s sacrifice. Why’d she do it? Why was she so hungry at the end?

She personally shows up to answer that question, because that’s Kanade for you.

“being badass is cool, but you know whats cooler? caring.”

“sharing the sauce... you... you shared the sauce...”

“thats right, tsubasa. i wanted to protect the sauce, but... ultimately... sharing it was better. it wasn’t my sauce, tsubasa. it was everyone’s...”

“im gonna suck on a ketchup packet in your memory, tsubasa”

Kanade’s spirit pulls her out of the dimension of water metaphors as she is slowly undrowning from her emotions.

Tsubasa, like Kanade, was lost in the sauce. But now, after Kanade’s touching peptalk, Tsubasa is lost no longer.

“will i ever see you again in my dreams, kanade...?”

“where there’s a sauce. i’ll be there.”

“ill eat taco bell every day just to see you again kanade”

“and i dont even like taco bell... im more of a chipotle girl...”

After accepting Taco Bell as her lord and savior, she is immediately pulled out of the metaphor zone.

And wakes the fuck up.

“b..... b..... b............”

“Baja Blast....”

[megabadbunny]

For the DxR fic meme: Nine x Rose; 01 G ☯

(Nine x Rose, Jackie’s flat, midnight, Rose’s diary; from @doctorroseprompts )

***

He knows he shouldn’t, and yet, here he is.

(But it’s not exactly his fault, is it? If she didn’t wanthim to see it, maybe she shouldn’t have left it lying around all public in theopen, conspicuous and winking at him and daring him to take a little peek,wriggling its (figurative) hips like a minx in red throwing a perfumed kissover one shoulder. Never mind the fact that it wasn’t lying around in public somuch as it was in her room, that it wasn’t in the open so much as it was tuckedunder her mattress.)

The Doctor glances around furtively, even though he knows noone will catch him in the act; the flat is empty of any other living thing,save for him and the dust motes colonizing the space beneath the rug. Rose andher oddity of a mum have whisked off somewhere or other (“a proper girls’night”, Jackie might’ve said, or might not have, as the Doctor might not havebeen listening) and Jack is goodness-knows-where with goodness-knows-whom, sothe Doctor figures he’s got a good few hours to himself before anyone returns.And he’s got to find some way to occupy himself, hasn’t he?

(Besides, it isn’t as if he went snooping specifically for it.More like, he snooped, and there it conveniently was. Also, he’s bored.)

Plunking himself down on her bed—not nearly as soft or plushas her TARDIS bed, he thinks with a smirk—the Doctor opens the book to thefirst page.

Dear dairy readsthe first line.

The Doctor chuckles. There is no date scrawled anywhere onthe page, but the scribbles and misspellings amidst very careful and deliberatestrokes tell the Doctor these words were written by someone who had only recentlylearned penmanship, and was determined to do it well.

Dear dairy

Hello how are you? Myname is Rose Marion Tyler. It is my brithday today I am 6 years old.

It’s almost impossible to imagine Rose ever being so young;far easier to picture her emerging fully-grown and stubborn-willed and jeopardy-friendlystraight from inception. But the Doctor tries, and in his mind’s eye he canalmost see her sitting on the bed—no, lying on it, stomach-down, her sock-cladfeet kicking idly in the air. Her hair, unbleached and light brown, would be pulledback into a ponytail, held in place by one of those what d’you-call-it’s. A scrunchie. Her head would bend down inconcentration over the diary as she clutched her pen tightly in her small fist.The Doctor imagines the pen to be pink, glittery, one of those gel-things, hopelesslyand wonderfully childish and girly, and his grin broadens.

Mummy and me had aparty in the park and Lottie and Fred cud not come but Shireen was there andMickey to and his gran and my grandad Prentis. Grandad brung cake from thestore it has had a heart drawed on and my name and there were candels.We had ice cream to. And I had prezents there was a barby and shoes and a newbell for my bike…

The list continues and the Doctor rolls his eyes fondly.Clearly, six-year-old Rose had decided to commit only the most pertinent ofdetails to memory. He flips through perhaps the first quarter of the diary, pausingat a mention of Mickey here, a drawing of a flower there, and watches as Rose’shandwriting grows more confident, her entries more substantial. Her diary is amicrocosm of her adventures with mates, days at school, developing crushes, thelikeability of some of Jackie’s boyfriends and the caddishness of others. Atrandom, the Doctor slips a finger between the pages and opens the diarymid-entry, perhaps a year or two along its timeline.

and it felt awful butI didnt say anything bc he was right I dont have a dad but Keisha got angry andtold him to butt out and mind his own business. So then Nick laughed and madefun of Keisha bout her mum and I thot Keisha might cry so I punched Nick in thenose and it bled and the head teacher says I cant come back to school for aweek. Mum says Im in trouble but she didnt stop granddad from buying me a 99 onthe way home and she said next time do a slap its easier on the nuckles.

The Doctor can just picture Rose, eight years old, eyesflashing and stance wide as she bloodies some little twerp’s nose with herfist. Now that—that is a Rose he has no trouble imagining. Laughing, the Doctorshakes his head and flips to a later entry.

8 Nov 1996

Dear diary,

We went to go see Dad yesterday.

The Doctor pauses, hesitates. He knows what the words mean—they’refigurative, not literal, because it would be another eleven years before Rose sawany more of Pete Tyler than old photos and a grave—but the memory of the daynine years earlier still sends a shiver down his spine, clenches something inhis gut in a guilty-sick feeling he can’t quite explain.

Mum told me the storyagain. She seemed all right definitely better than the last time. I think thephotos help. Granddad came to and I don’t think he rly liked Dad very much buthe was nice about him today nicer than on other days. Afterwards Mum went todrop me off with Mickey but he said she needed me so I went on home and she seemeda little happier but she still cried a bit.

The Doctor wrinkles his nose. Something about Mickey theIdiot doing a good turn makes him grumpy. Who does that idiot think he is,anyway?

We had tea and fellasleep in front of the telly. I wanted to make her dinner but there was nothingin and I couldnt find anything in her purse so I went down to Ms Nodd’s bc she’sout seeing her grandson and I got the spare key from under her flower pot and Ilooked in her bedroom and found a few pounds and took them. I bought Mum aChinese from her favourite place and she didnt ask where I got the money so I didnttell her. I dont think Ms Nodd would know it was me that took it but I stillfeel bad I just didnt know what else to do. Ill pay her back when I get somemoney for my bday.

Nice old bird, that Ms Nodd. Much nicer than some of theother tenants on the Estate, with her blue-tinged hair and cheerful smile andwithered old hands that freely distribute home-baked biscuits to errant TimeLords who just happen to be handy with a squeaky front door. The Doctor makes amental note to liberate an ATM of a couple hundred-pound-notes at his earliestopportunity and slip them into her flat.

He reads a few more pages—comfortably silly stuff, all ofit, more crushes and rants about school and discussions of celebrities andfashion and Rose’s favorite things on telly—until his fingers land on an oddlybrittle page, warped in places, buckling. Several of the words are nearlyimpossible to discern, smudged as they are, and it takes the Doctorapproximately .003 seconds to identify the water marks as tears.

(There’s no dear diaryhere, no date. The words simply begin, as if writing anything more than theabsolutely necessary would take too much energy. Like it would hurt too much.)

Granddad’s gone.

The Doctor sighs, and his hearts each break a little foryoung Rose, curled up in her bed and crying bitter tears into her pillow. Tenyears old is far too young to experience the cruelty of such a loss. But it isn’tas if it gets any easier at any other age. The Doctor knows that to be painfullytrue.

Had a heart attack.Doctors said he went in his sleep and didn’t feel anything. I hope that’s true.Mum said he’s with the angels now but that’s stupid. The angels don’t need him wedo. I already miss him.

Mum can’t stop crying.I wish Dad was here.

And there’s that feeling again in the Doctor’s gut, thesquirmy-sicky one. Almost as if his stomach knows he shouldn’t be doing this,like his body is punishing him. It was all well and good reading about the funfrivolities of a carefree primary-schooler, but this sort of thing—this issomething else. Something deep and personal, a compound fracture of emptinessand hurt. The Doctor knows should stop reading now. He really should.

(He doesn’t.)

It takes a few weeks for the mentions of Granddad Prentice tostart fading, but eventually, they do, fading away to be gradually replaced bythe normality of everyday life. Sometimes months pass between diary-entries;other times, years. The Doctor smiles as he glances over recountings of schooldays and formals and skipping classes, of Jackie’s eccentric cluster of boyfriends,of fights with friends and happy makings-up after, of holidays and gossip andhopes for the future. The day Rose and Shireen fall out over a boy is marked byan obscene amount of swearing and words crossed-out and pencil-punctures dugdeep into the page; the day Mickey asks Rose to be his girlfriend is noted withexclamation points and a lipgloss-kiss.

The day Rose meets Jimmy Stone is noted with a single heartthat simply reads Mrs Rose Stone.

Grimacing at the words, the Doctor forces himself to presson.

OMG met this bloke Jimmyyesterday n he was soooo fit reads the next entry. Shireen and Keisha and me went down the pub and he was playing in theband and I thot he fancied Keisha at first but after he asked for my number ♡ ♡ ♡I kno it doesn’t mean nothing so I didn’ttell Mickey cos no point in him worrying and he gets so jealous anyway lol

Awww, poor jealous ickle Mickey, thinks the Doctor. He snortsderisively. Human beings—so quick to such petty reactions. He’s very glad hedoesn’t have to worry about silly things like that.

Still, it’s a little surprising when, just a few pages later,things have already progressed by leaps and bounds. Jimmy kissed me! leaps out from the page, followed by things like Mickey and me had a fight and Snuck out to hear Jimmy play downtownand Went to the cinema with Jimmy and he puthis hand up my sk

Hearts hammering, the Doctor flips past that page before hiskeen eyes have a chance to read any further. For some reason, the thought ofJimmy putting his hand up anything of Rose’s—indeed, of Jimmy or some otherfool even thinking about touching her, anywhere, with anything—makes him burn abit under the collar. Unpleasant, that. Maybe he’d better take a look at Jackie’sthermostat, make sure it’s doing its job, because it certainly doesn’t feellike it.

(Still, he skips the several pages that follow, just to besafe.)

said if Iwalked out that door I’d better not walk back in and you know what screw her.She’s wasted her whole life crying about Dad and never doing anything withherself and never doing anything for me. I hate her I would rather die then belike her

Eyes widening in surprise, the Doctor quickly scans over thenext few pages, his concern deepening by the second.

love Jimmy andno one can tell me any different and if Mum really knew what love was then she’dunderstand

Im so glad I’mwith him now he gets me like no one else ever has or ever will, ♡ him forever

didnt want totake my a-levels anyway not like it means anything out in the real world

moving into aflat together next week can’t wait ♡♡♡

and I love himbut I wish he’d get a job cos the gigs don’t make enough n I can’t covereverything on my own

came home drunkagain last night n wouldnt tell me where he’d been

told me I’dbetter cough up the rest of the rent by next weekend or else he would

And then, nothing.

The Doctor frowns. Whatever he would do is left unexplained, torn away along with a wholecluster of pages in the diary, leaving a ragged little scar behind where wordsand feelings used to sit. The Doctor runs a finger along the page-stumps leftin the spine, and wonders.

What could have happened that was so bad that even the memoryof it had to be ripped away?

The next entry picks up a few weeks later. It does notmention Jimmy. Instead, the page displays only a handful of lonely words:

He wasright. I’m so stupid.

It takes a moment for the Doctor to realize that the diaryis shaking in his hands. But that’s only because he’s gripping it so tightlyhis knuckles are glowing bright white in an attempt to jump out of his skin. Andsuddenly he’s glad, in quite a perverse way, that he has witnessed thedestruction of the Reapers firsthand, because otherwise the temptation to pilotthe TARDIS back in time to ensure that Jimmy Stone never hurt Rose—that henever so much as existed, never so much as blighted this planet with even asingle vile breath—would be so strong that he’s not entirely sure he’d be ableto stop himself.

Forcing himself to calm, the Doctor skips forward, hopefullyto an entry that won’t cause hisblood to boil angrily in his ears. Now phrases like moved back in with Mum today and applied at Henriks greet his eyes, and he feels the muscles in hisshoulders begin to relax.

and a sweet ginger boy’sstarted coming round, Mum named him Jonesy

but the new job’s notso bad

going out to the clubswith Shireen

Mickey stopped by withflowers today and it was like nothing had ever gone wrong

anyway we’re datingagain

nothing’ll come of itbut some blokes won in Bristol last week so who knows, maybe we’ll win a littlesomething n I could get Mum something nice

a little boring Iguess but prolly about the best I can expect for now

So my job blew uptoday???

Now a grin spreads across the Doctor’s face, lighting it upfrom ear-to-ear. Finally. Took longenough to get here. Now for the reallygood stuff.

Fingers tingling in anticipation, he turns the page.

Nothing.

The Doctor flips through the remaining pages, hunting forsomething, anything, but nothing buta sea of white greets his eyes, winking up at him obnoxiously without so muchas a single date or scribble or scrawl to capture his attention. The rest ofthe diary is completely, utterly blank.

Huffing in irritation, the Doctor sits back, flipping thebook closed with a scowl. It makes a certain sense, he supposes, but still.Really? She’ll write about ice cream and Barbies and school gossip and Mickeythe Idiot but no mention of the TARDIS, no asides about traveling through timeand space, no discussion of Dickens or Slitheen or bitchy trampolines or 900year-old Time Lords taking her by the hand to show her anything her littleheart could ever possibly—

CLANG.

“I just found it!” blurts out the Doctor without eventhinking, pushing off the bed and whirling round to face Rose’s open bedroomdoorway. But no one stands there; indeed, if his superior hearing is anythingto go by (and it usually is), there’s no one within several meters of him, certainlyno one in the flat. And the continuing ding-dang-dongbell’s sound, ringing at twelve lazy but significant intervals, informs himthat his nervousness was for naught—it’s just Jackie’s old grandfather clock,noisily (and unnecessarily, the Doctor thinks with a grump) proclaiming thetime.

It’s midnight. Probably Rose and Jackie will be home soon. Andprobably he shouldn’t let them know he was nosing through Rose’s diary.

(Even if it wasn’t his fault, seeing as they left him aloneand bored and unoccupied in the flat, and even if he didn’t find what he waslooking for—even if he’s not entirely certain what that was.)

As he slips the diary back into its hiding-place beneathRose’s mattress, it occurs to him that there are any number of reasons Rosemight not be writing things in a diary any more—she forgot it at home, or she’stoo tired after their adventures, or too distracted, or maybe she’s even got anew one aboard the TARDIS, hidden somewhere equally silly. But there’s anotheroption too, he realizes; that she’s simply too happy to see the need forwriting things down, that she is too busy living her memories to think of takingthe time to document them. The thought warms him, contentment blooming in hischest, and he leaves Rose’s room with a smile, closing the door behind him.

(He still checks her room on the TARDIS just in case.)

***

part ii

[betarat]

i'm not sure if you've ever done one before, but would you mind introducing us to your rats? it's okay if you're not feeling up to it right now though, no worries

OH! Sure! okay uhm. I don’t have many pictures and most are blurry but,

its under the readmore as its a long post of me rambling. I am sorry that its such a mess. I am just excited someone asks about my rat friends. I love them

These are Kiwi and Jackie! Both females, Jackie is older. I do not know how old they exactly are.

Kiwi is friendlier than Jackie to me, even if I’ve had her for shorter. (I had jackie first but rats really need a buddy so I got a second one

Anyways, yes. I don’t pick favorites but Kiwi is a lot more social with me as of this moment.

Jackie on the other hand still seems very nervous around me, and sometimes will try to bite if my hand/fingers get near the bars ( I don’t feed them through the bars btw, cuz that encourages biting). like not a test bite to see if im food or whatever. anyways, yeah. she hasn’t bitten me really hard, but I don’t want to get it near that point. I know to “EEP” when she does so like she stops or whatever. but sometimes she will bite gently, then stops and bites again but harder. and that for a few times. Don’t worry, I still love her, she is just nervous I think. She isn’t agressive or anything, I think because she was already a bit older than kiwi when I got her she just takes longer to get used to me. Overall she is a sweet rat, just nervous and tries to nip my finger when I try to pet her most of the times.

its mostly because Jackie is stretched out here but jackie looks very big compared to Kiwi on this photo pffft

They are now really good friends, they play together, groom each other, all that stuff. I didn’t have an extra cage so I had to put them together right away and hope for the best, but they didnt fight at all they didnt even mind each other. Then again Ive had 4 rats before, and it always went well, so.

Anyways, I love my rats. I give them lots of healthy treats so they get used to that too, also tiny bits of peanut butter now and then (from a spoon, I don’t trust Jackie just yet) so they cant run away while I feed them the snacks, although Kiwi a few hours ago actually ate a bit of raspberry from me while I was still holding it.

I am mostly just rambling in this post. It’s a mess and I apologize, but I am happy that you are interested in my rats! I’ll probably make a new post or an update if they are like hand tamed or whatever the term for it is. I hope they and me can become awesome friends, though I have a feeling Kiwi will be more social to me in the end, no matter how much I will try to get Jackie to be like Kiwi haha. They just have odifferent personalities. Jackie is very active and quick and bites a little (not drawing blood, but test biting, then test biting harder pfff), While Kiwi is much calmer and doesnt bite at all

[the-static-and-i]

Aftermath (wip)

//This is gonna be a long one (because im like halfway through writing it i think? If even that?), and i was gonna hold off and keep it as a total surprise, but my brain literally wont shut off unless i share every last fucking writing apparently, so take this as it is, and ill post the completed and edited one later today probably, with a real summary :P

TWs: character death, grieving, mourning, suicidal thoughts, mentions of Lucky and Cam (disappearing), survivor’s guilt, general guilt. So much guilt. 

Renee couldn't handle sleeping in the same room Sam had been in not 4 days ago. She had spent a lot of time with Eli and Sofia and Kat, trying to ignore the emptiness in her head. Sam was the more dominant of the two of them, and now with her gone, Ren didnt know what to do with herself; for being the more confident of the two, she didnt have the will to do much of anything. 

By the fourth day though, she figured she couldnt sit and cry on Sofia's couch, finally dragging her ass back to her own cabin. She slowly looked around, remembering every blanket fort and hug that Sam had made and shared, every movie they had watched, and every bowl of popcorn she had eaten. The room felt.. empty now. Grey and dull and lifeless. Or maybe it was Ren feeling that way..? She couldn't tell the difference anymore. 

She slowly idled around the room, eventually ending up in her room. She picked up Sam's teddy bear, her favorite that had gotten her through so many bad days. Ren hugged it tight, feeling almost as if she was hugging Sam. She found herself crying again, her knees giving out as a sob broke through her pursed lips. She clutched the bear -- Peter? -- to her chest, biting his ear to muffle herself.

--

She didnt know when exactly she had fallen asleep, but Ren found herself opening her eyes groggily, pushing herself up from the floor. As she stood, she saw the bag Sam had brought with them originally sitting next to the wardrobe, almost completely empty, save a sketchbook and a small fox plushie with a ribbon and a handmade tag that read "Auburn". Reading Sam's handwriting caused her to tear up further, so she set aside the small fox and grabbed the sketchbook.

She flipped through, seeing so many sketches, through various states of completion, the last two causing her breath to catch. On the left of the page was a half finished sketch of Sam holding her hand up to a mirror, her reflection clearly being Renee, smiling back so happily. She lifted a hand to her mouth, trying to hold back a dry sob, lowering her fingertips to the page after a moment. The right page was a half finished Renee in a dress, holding a blue rose, with a roughly-sketched Genesis in a beautiful black dress, almost holding Ren's hand. Across the top in Sam's best cursive was the phrase "For Good."

Ren found herself tearing up once again, the song immediately playing in her head. She couldnt remember all of the words, but the parts she could hear were distinctly in Sam's voice, "So now its up to you, for both of us.. i know im who i am today, because i knew you.. i do believe i have been changed for the better, and because i knew you, i have been changed for good..." Ren sobbed as the words repeated and replayed, what she thought Gen sounding like filling in some of the other half, "just to clear the air, i ask forgiveness, for the things ive done you blame me for.. whatever way our stories end, i know you have rewritten mine, by being my friend..."

She couldn’t hold back the tears, quickly setting the book aside so she didnt fuck with the pages further, bringing her hands up to her face so she didnt have to see anything but the darkness. 

--

Finally, Ren had packed up her bag fully. She didnt know where she was going, but she knew she couldnt stay in the cabin anymore; there were so many memories everywhere here, and she couldnt stop replaying all of them. She left Auburn and Peter on the bed, with a short note saying that Eli and Jackie could have them respectively, before leaving out the front door. She considered just walking off the property until she collapsed somewhere, but decided that was a horrible train of thought that she didnt wanna follow, so instead she headed towards the road, caught between borrowing someone else's car and calling a ride. 

She glanced up at the main house, briefly remembering the conversation about getting an apartment that Sam--.. that she was supposed to have with Ceph. She debated that too; it wasnt that she didnt want help, it was more that she didnt know if she could face an entire house of memories and people that might try to comfort or stop her, and she hadnt actually mentioned leaving to anyone. The fact that she left without Kat noticing was a miracle, and she couldnt handle explaining herself to anybody -- not when she was still explaining to herself.

"Renren..?" A quiet voice called behind her, causing Ren to tense up. She wanted to pretend she didnt hear him, wished she had made up her mind, wished she could disappear without hurting anybody, but.. She turned around to face Eli, not actually meeting his eyes. She doesnt speak, she hadnt since--.. 

Eli stepped closer, his hand coming into Ren's view. He reaches for her hand, her shoulder, before pulling away entirely. She wanted to hug him, but couldnt bring herself to move. She should explain, but she still didnt know why she was even gonna leave, and now he was going to blame himself no matter which she picks, and- 

"Ren? Eli?" Another voice comes from the direction of the house, louder and more concerned than Eli's had been. Ren notices Eli turn to Jinx, sees Jinx's feet enter her field of view, can practically feel his worry rolling off of him. He had so much worry for someone so young.. "You two okay-?" Jinx sounded almost like he wanted to say more, but decided against it. 

Ren nodded to his question, glancing down at the bag that was still clutched in her too-tight grip. This was a mistake. She shouldnt-- she couldnt leave all of this behind. This was.. well, she was happy here. Everyone she cared about was here, well.. almost everyone.. 

She lifts a shaky hand to run through her hair, habitually sticking her thumbnail in her mouth and gnawing at it afterwards. 

"'m fine, but Renren..." Eli trailed off, and Ren felt a pang hit her chest; the first emotion to break her numbness, and it was guilt, how fitting.. These two shouldnt have to walk on eggshells, its not like she was a ticking time bomb.. 

But as she looked down at her white knuckles, as she chewed her nail down to the pink, as she remembered the voice telling her to join Sam and Cam and Lucky, she wasnt so sure of that anymore.

"Renren, stop," Eli pulled her hand from her mouth, and only then did she notice she had bitten down hard enough to draw blood. Her eyes followed Eli's hand back up to his face, tracing over every worried and distressed and upset mark, and she wished for nothing more than to hold him until they all faded.

Logically, she knew it wouldnt work like that, but she couldnt help but drop her bag and pull him into a hug anyway. It was the first one she had initiated and the first she had reciprocated, and that realization made her heart pang again. Eli was suffering and mourning just as much, and now it was like he lost both sisters.. She squeezed him a little, resting a hand on the back of his head. 

Eli hugged her back quickly, his arms around her waist. She could feel the fabric of her shirt becoming damp near his face, but she didnt mind. It was just a shirt, and he was so much more important. She gently brushed through his hair with one hand, the other releasing him and holding a welcoming hand out to Jinx.

He stepped closer, his body tense, but he joined the hug anyway, one hand resting on Eli's shoulder and the other on Ren's back. She rested her hand on his back, just below his shoulder so he could easily duck out when he got uncomfortable. 

Her legs were shaking by the time they all finally parted, Eli softly sniffling and Jinx looking a little awkward. Ren rubbed her arm, her hand feeling oddly empty without the bag, her arms feeling oddly empty without them, but her heart feeling a little more full. She pointed up to the house, waiting for both boys to acknowledge the gesture before she picked up her bag and stepped forward, wanting one of them to lead the way. In truth, she didnt want to be alone, and didnt know how to confidently lead anymore, even if it was just inside a big fucking house. She didnt know how to hold herself anymore, and her legs felt like weak cement, both too unstable but too heavy to move. 

Eli grabbed Ren's hand, wrapping it round his shoulders, Jinx coming around to take her bag, and the three slowly made their way inside. They were so patient and understanding, and they were so strong.. they shouldnt have to be strong, and another guilty pang flashed through Ren's chest.

~~

// Fin for now <3 Is gonna get worse before it gets better i think, so im sorry in advance? I promise im gonna write fluff soon, i need it so badly and these two assholes arent gonna stop me from giving them fluff, no matter how hard they’re apparently trying?? 

//Also, in case you couldnt tell, this is Post Cloak AU! Hopefully it stays an au! :)

[carot-dj]

Jacqueline is and was NYC. This is a lovely little book of goodies on Jacqueline Kennedy. It's mainly pictures but has enough extra information that you feel like you know all about her years in NYC. These years took place before and after her marriage to Onassis. So if you want the extra bits and pieces of her life and loss of it as she and her dear sweet lover, navigate through the years of her cancer treatments, this book is for you. It was her son that wrote her beautiful eulogy and also allowed the shrine of flowers and notes as New Yorkers, who felt she was theirs, left their thoughts and flowers in an outpouring of grief for the loss of her life. Jackie was NYC! Go to Amazon

Great Photo Book As I've said in previous book reviews that I've posted on Amazon, I have over 650 books about the Kennedy family, so I'm always surprised when I see photos that I've never previously encountered. This happened with "New York Jackie". The photos were clear, and well-documented (although there was one that had a mis-identification). Since there was no text, it only took a little while to "read" the book, but it is definitely one to which I will return time and time again. Go to Amazon

I spoke with Jackie once she was sweet and kind I spoke with Jackie once she was sweet and kind. Her escort was trying to prevent me from talking with her, but she put his arm down and we had a short conversation. We lived in the same neighbor - hood, I spoke of her children and how they were shopping for a Christmas tree several blocks from where they lived (with a group of secret service surrounding them) she was happy talking about her children and I was always happy to see them. Go to Amazon

All the wonderful New York City photos you could want of this ... All the wonderful New York City photos you could want of this former First Lady and fashion icon. These pictures definitely capture the next phase of Mrs. Kennedy's life in a way that seems to honor her style and respect her, rather than harass and stalk her. The book is not large like a coffee table book, but it is a good size and put together nicely with a sturdy hardcover and pages that are a substantial thickness and weight. It's worth the money and really fun to look at the lovely photos of such a beautiful and beloved woman. Go to Amazon

Five Stars love it. Go to Amazon

Five Stars Loved it. Makes a great coffee table book Go to Amazon

Highly recommend this hard back book - great as a gift too !! This is the best book . This wonderful woman was the right inspiration and truly someone to look up to . She was not perfect . But to me and I'm sure to others beyond unique in her way with words . Just reading her poems u see how creative she was her drawings her sense of humour . I encourage girls who want to get out of the world of the TV reality porn stars to look at this book and see a woman who didnt follow . Like audry Hepburn and I'm not comparing because they are both skinny - Jacqueline and Audry do what they do - their own thing ! This book is the best !! I love that its hard back and I just adore this woman ( not the fox hunting ) but adore everything else . Especially how she was as a mom !! Love her style sooooo much !! Go to Amazon

One of the better composed photo books on Onassis One of the better composed photo books on Onassis. I enjoyed the New York setup of the book although I sort of wish pictures of her entire life in New York City had been included, not just her post-White House years. After all, she was raised in New York, gave birth to Caroline in New York and often visited with JFK. Still, I thought the book included some rarer photos. Go to Amazon

Five Stars Five Stars LOVE THIS BOOK. Four Stars Four Stars Five Stars Five Stars A trembling headache of bigotry. A photo tribute to a beautiful, important, sophisticated, creative, and passionate lady -- Jackie O !! Five Stars