#i wanted that job so bad it was weekends only
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love and other catastrophes at the omega cafe (1/8)
So I posted about this idea before here, (and was overwhelmed by the response—thank you!) but basically a cat café opened near me and inspired this:
Summary: Steve is a runaway Omega who gets a job at an Omega café, where he’s basically paid to curl up and purr in Alphas’ laps. It’s legal, and he earns a living, rents his own place. He’s getting along fine for a packless Omega. Then Alpha rockstar Eddie Munson turns up for an hour of ‘kitty’ petting, and shatters Steve’s fragile little world…
Rating: M (will be E); No major warnings; Tags: omega steve, alpha eddie, a/b/o dynamics, fluff and angst; (It won't get tooooo angsty, I promise, and I should probably write a shorter version, but this seemed to want to get bedded in for some plot, so...) read on A03 and thank you @lexirosewrites for being so patient with my weird belated questions about what do with my idea!
🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛
Chapter 1
Steve clocked in with Carol at the coffee counter and cosied up on a beanbag waiting for the first customer to arrive. He couldn’t stop yawning and struggled to keep his eyes open.
He didn’t usually work the Monday morning graveyard shift at ‘Kitties’—otherwise known as the Omega Café. Carol usually put him on the weekends, which were their busiest times. Plenty of Alphas—and sometimes Betas—were free then, to pass an hour with a cute Omega purring in their lap.
For a cost, naturally.
Steve, though, had called in sick yesterday and needed to make up his lost earnings. He’d been in heat. So, three days of cold sweats, congealed slick, and crippling cramps. At least the blockers he used for this job curbed his desperation to be fucked. All the same, a dull gnawing pain in his pelvis persisted, he’d barely slept and…
…Ugh, this beanbag was, if anything, too inviting and soft.
He’d gotten his most comfy, stretchy shorts on, his most butter-soft collar, and an only-slightly-cropped-at-the-midriff vest. His feet were bare, which was fortunate. Right now, only his icicle toes were keeping him awake. He was tempted to grab one of the many fluffy blankets scattered around the café, pull it up over him and snooze.
He was torn between asking Carol for a double espresso or napping—to be fair, it was unlikely anybody would join them till noon—when the bell on the door tinkled.
So much for a peaceful snooze.
Fortunately, rather than a hungover Alpha, Robin burst in. On spotting Steve, her shoulders sagged with obvious relief. She hurried up to the counter and presented Carol with her Apple-Pay. “Flat white with an extra shot, and an hour of kitty cuddles, please.”
“Sure.” The payment bleeped through, and Carol turned to grind the coffee beans. She never bothered with great customer service for Steve’s best friend. That said, customer service wasn’t Carol’s strength at the best of times. Steve liked that about her. For an Omega, she was a bitey feral, and she sure had their boss, Tommy, under her claw.
Robin sat down at a table, pulled a cushion onto her lap. Steve shuffled over on his knees and laid his head on the cushion:
“Jesus, Robin,” he whispered, as she started to pet his hair. It was usual practice for Omegas to wait till the customer spoke first, but this was, well, Robin. “You don’t have to pay to see me, you know that?”
“Apparently, I do, Dingus! I’ve been going out of my mind! Why didn’t you return my, like, billion texts?”
“Shit. Sorry.” Her fretful pettings only made him feel more guilty. “I’m out of data, and you know how shit Wi-Fi is in Sunshine Village. Plus, I had really bad cramps this month—I could barely crawl out of bed this morning.”
“Yeah, I guessed that. God, I’m sorry, too.” She slowed her strokes, as they both relaxed a little. “I worry about you all the time, living there. Working here. I wish I could take you home with me. Damn, I should rent somewhere you’re actually allowed to live.”
“No way. I’m fine, Robin. Seriously, I’ve landed on my feet. I like having my own little home. The heating is working in my block this week, and this is a pretty cushy gig.”
Steve didn’t even say that for the benefit of Carol, who’d just dumped Robin’s coffee on the table, slopping half of it into the saucer.
Steve had arrived in the city four months ago, down to his last few dollars. He’d soon realized that acceptable Omega jobs—teaching assistant, nanny, seamstress, junior positions in retail and catering—would all require handing over too much information about himself. He’d also swiftly discovered that Sunshine Village, the district he’d heard about where single Omegas could live unmolested, was little better than a slum.
He’d been caught between the terrifying choices of fleeing back home, starving, or sex work. Then he’d stumbled across this place.
If Tommy had checked the fake name Steve gave, he hadn’t cared. Steve got paid in cash after each shift and earned enough to rent a small place in the Village. Which, despite its shabbiness, turned out to be full of friendly, supportive Omegas.
It all meant he didn’t have to worry about Robin being evicted from her pleasant ‘beta’ neighbourhood for harbouring an unregistered Omega.
Robin chatted on, while sipping the remnants of her coffee and petting Steve idly. While she complained about how unfair the world was for Omegas—they’d met when Steve had turned up at an Omega soup-kitchen she volunteered at—her speech also underlined his point.
His life could be a shitload worse.
This morning, he was being paid for his best friend to give him much-needed bodily contact in a no-strings-attached fashion. While he didn’t have to force fake purrs for her, like he did for the majority of customers, soft sleepy purring happened anyhow.
After Robin left for work, the café was empty again. Carol made them both hot chocolate then turned her attention to doing her nails. Steve breakfasted on an out-of-date lemon muffin, which was still nice and gooey in the middle, then slipped out to the washroom for the second time since Robin left. He needed to re-check his hair.
He was reapplying his eyeliner, when he heard the bell tinkle again.
So much for the ‘graveyard’ shift. He pinched his pale cheeks, bracing himself to face whoever wanted to cuddle him next.
A high-pitched squeal from Carol pierced Steve’s hearing—one that was probably only audible to other Omegas.
And the scent snatched his breath.
The Omega café was flushed with scent-neutralising air fresheners, for obvious reasons. Whoever this Alpha was, his musk was potent enough to punch straight through. It nearly floored Steve with low notes of leather and woodsmoke, and high notes of… Christ, Steve didn’t know what that was.
Plums? Fine Californian wine?
It set his mouth watering, for all of a split second.
Carol! Was she okay?
He rushed from the washroom and peeped from behind a thick velour curtain.
Carol was fine. She was taking payment from an Alpha with long, slightly-frizzy retro hair, a jean jacket—who the fuck wore those?—and dark soulful eyes.
Steve’s heart rate spiked.
The Alpha was pretty damn good-looking, and young too, maybe only a year or so older than Steve.
He was also faintly familiar.
Did Steve know him from back home? Would he recognise Steve?
“So, how does this work?” asked the newcomer. His drawling accent sent a shiver down Steve’s spine that wasn’t entirely unpleasant. His voice was as sexy as the rest of him… and that definitely wasn’t a North County accent. Steve relaxed slightly, ogling the guy who was literally setting both his and Carol’s legs wobbling.
“You pay up front for an hour of kitty cuddles,” she said. “You have to order a minimum of one drink, and all new customers must read and sign our rules and disclaimers.”
“Ma’am, it’s Monday morning.” The Alpha sounded wearily amused, gesturing to the three-page fine-print document she shoved across the counter. “Do I really have to read all this?”
“How about I summarize for you.” Yup, Carol was being helpful and polite. Either someone kidnapped the real Carol, or this Alpha really was special. “You’re not about to go into rut, I take it? Because if you are, Sir, I’m really, really sorry—we can’t take that risk here, or we could get shut down.”
The Alpha shook his head. While Carol reeled off a few pertinent points—“no scenting, obviously. No kissing,”—his gaze snapped onto where Steve skulked, half-hidden behind the drapes.
Steve jumped back out of sight.
“Soooo,” said the Alpha, when Carol finally stopped talking. “To summarise—I can stroke the pussies, but I can’t stroke the pussies?”
Carol giggled. Though they’d all heard that joke, and every variation on it, at least a billion times.
“Pretty much,” she said. “We’re absolutely NOT a brothel. And don’t expect cat-ears and whiskers and all that jazz. Thursday is usually full-costume night, and… erm, right now, we only have one kitty, and he seems to have strayed. Boy kitty okay with you?”
“Yes, thank you, Ma’am,” said the Alpha.
“Cool. I’ll go coax him out with a saucer of milk or something.”
She found Steve backed up against the dingy back-corridor wall, knees basically jello. “Get out there! Christ, you do realize who that is?”
Steve shook his head, throat too tight to speak. He honestly didn’t know what was wrong with him. Alphas moseyed in and out of this place every day. He was usually able to keep himself together.
“It’s Eddie Munson! Lead singer of Corroded Coffin? Super-hot and super-famous bad-boy Alpha rockstar? Jeeees, you really did live in a box till you got here, didn’t you? Look, get out there—before I tell him boy kitty is off the menu, grab my skimpiest bikini, and burrow into that scorching lap myself.”
She nudged him through the curtain. Eddie Munson had already settled onto one of the cafe’s roomiest couches, arms splayed along the back.
Legs splayed too.
Eddie glanced up and those gorgeous eyes raked Steve, head-to-toe, stripping him so bare he might as well have forgotten his shorts. The Alpha’s grin spread slowly, revealing glinting incisors, and creasing up into the sexiest dimples Steve had ever seen.
Steve wasn’t sure how he made it across the room. Somehow, he did, shuffling the final few feet on his knees.
“Hello, Kitty,” said Eddie. Possibly taking pity, he closed his legs. He shoved his thighs forward so Steve could easily lay his head in them.
Steve did so, facing out across the café. His heart skittered like a little prey animal’s. It was only then that he realized Eddie hadn’t placed a cushion on his thighs. Well, if Carol hadn’t highlighted that part of the rules, Steve was hardly in a position to do it now.
Eddie didn’t mess around. Strong fingers plowed straight into the springy mass of Steve’s hair. “What’s your name, Honey?”
“Uh… St-steve?”
Who fucking stammers answering his own name?
“Hi, Steve. I’m Eddie.” He leaned a little closer, hot breath joining those strong fingers to send Steve even deeper into fluster. “How do you put up with the stink in here? I mean, I get it. All those Alpha-Omega scents battering each other would make this place a real fleshpot. Shame, though. I bet you smell real sweet. I mean, I think I get a whiff of you, even now.”
“You get used to it,” squeaked Steve, cutting that line of conversation off pronto.
“You get used to the diabolical plinky-plonky piano music too, Steve?”
“Honestly, I don’t even hear it anymore.”
To be fair, Steve didn’t hate the perpetual loop of movie theme-tune classics for exactly that reason. Even the smoochiest love songs—like the instrumental version of “Everything I do, I do it for you,” currently playing—didn’t mess with his emotions in the way music so often did.
Eddie snorted a dry chuckle, leaning back against the cushions again. Steve’s eyes fluttered closed.
“You’re right, Steve,” drawled Eddie, massaging deliciously into Steve’s scalp, “it’s pretty easy not to hear it. You have got the cutest purr.”
Steve’s eyes flew wide. He hadn’t even realized he was purring yet! Yeah, he could fake purr, but he’d been too befuddled to get to that. Now, he shook with loud rattling purrs that he could barely control.
Omegas purred when they were happy and relaxed, and also when distressed, to comfort themselves. He’d been reduced to that over the weekend. These purrs, though, grew couch-quakingly loud and felt different from anyway he’d purred before.
“You okay there, Honey?” Thank heavens Eddie was nice, though that made Steve’s weirdness all the more inexplicable. Eddie ran the back of coolish fingers down Steve’s burning cheek.
“I’m sorry,” whispered Steve. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” His hormones must still be doing weird things after his chemically fucked-up heat.
He probably should’ve called in sick today too.
“Don’t apologise,” Eddie said. “Look, it’s freakin’ Monday morning. I’m the weirdo Alpha checking this place out. You’re just doing your job, and you’re mighty fine at it, I’m sure.” The words washed through Steve, their brutal truth leaving an awkward residue. “Listen, I’m just gonna sip my coffee and chill. You reckon you can chill too, little kitty?”
“Yes, Alpha,” murmured Steve. The preening growl that jostled from Eddie was enough to make Steve desperate to obey.
He didn’t usually call anybody Alpha on the job. It wasn’t strictly against the rules, but unless a client demanded it—and only the real a-holes did—the kitties avoided it.
Eddie, though, had dragged it from Steve before he could think about it, much like those purrs.
And much like how, a minute or so of petting later, Steve found himself purring effortlessly, and totally relaxed. He wasn’t even stressed by the fact that his cheek rested dangerously close to Eddie’s Alpha dick. Which appeared to be ballooning slightly beneath his thick pair of sweatpants.
This was exactly why the cushions were compulsory. Though Steve barely had time to worry.
“Steve,” said Eddie, fingering around the edge of Steve’s collar in a fashion that literally made Steve’s eyes cross with yumminess. “Are there any rules against you getting in my lap for proper cuddles?”
“No. Absolutely not.” There really wasn’t, though of course, it only worked with the larger Alphas. There’d been no way Steve could’ve fitted into a Beta like Robin’s lap, for example, without some level of squishing. Eddie was, to be fair, not the largest Alpha around, but he was certainly large enough.
After some not-too-awkward manoeuvring—and guided by Eddie’s hand in the small of his back—Steve soon found himself sitting across Eddie’s lap. Eddie scooped him close, and his arms curled around Eddie’s neck.
He stared point-blank into the fathomless depths of Eddie’s dark eyes. Nope. Too much. He dipped his gaze, then squeaked. Now, he fixed on Eddie’s jawline and throat, dusted with scruff, and which drew him like, well, catnip.
Steve inhaled oaky-smoky plums and… Holy crap, what even was that? He was in serious danger of burying his face there and violating the no-scenting rule himself.
Once again, Eddie sensed his discomfort and guided Steve’s head down onto his shoulder, holding him there. “Hey, any chance of another coffee,” Eddie called to Carol. “Extra-large mocha with marshmallows, please, Ma’am? Think I might be settling here for a while.”
After that, Eddie appeared to go out of his way to make Steve even more comfortable. Perhaps noting Steve’s squirmings over getting too close to his scent gland, he slid a thin throw cushion beneath Steve’s cheek. He then settled them both back against the comfiest, most enveloping part of the sofa. He pulled one of those fluffy blankets up over them both. Soon, a floaty weariness, bone-deep but pleasant, overcame Steve.
Even his ovaries had stopped bugging him. God, this was nice. He really got paid for this? Damn, he’d fallen on his feet and Eddie smelled divine. He couldn’t help but daydream about that huge Alpha dick nestled stupid-close to his pussy, with only two layers of fabric between them. He was too sleepy to get too excited, tho’. He soon floated on the surface of a calm ocean, safe and serene…
When Steve began waking up, a honeyed glow saturated his head and heart and previously aching pelvis. He couldn’t remember his dreams, but they must’ve been good ones. He felt complete and happy and… he flicked his eyes open. Oh shit! The cafe buzzed with conversation. Several other kitties had come on shift and were snuggling with Alphas.
He’d fallen asleep on a customer’s lap.
Steve’s focus snapped onto the clock behind the counter, where Carol and her assistant, Chrissy, who also did kitty duties, were rushing around making lunches.
1.57 pm.
He’d been asleep on the job for nearly three hours.
Asleep in the lap of…
“Hey there,” drawled Eddie, “somebody’s a sleepy kitty.”
Steve daren’t look up. Was Eddie pissed? He didn’t sound it.
Steve opened his mouth. Shut it again, dabbing the corner. His head had slipped off the pillow and rested against Eddie’s chest. The Alpha’s booming heartbeat mingled with an amused chuckle.
Steve wasn’t laughing: “Oh shit, I’m so sorry. I drooled on your t-shirt!”
“I know.” Eddie’s low rumbling sigh was one of the most contented sounds Steve had ever heard. “You gonna charge extra for that, Honey?”
🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛ I have got quite a bit of this fic drafted, so hopefully more soon. If you’re enjoying, please let me know, or like and reblog... it means a lot to know somebody would like to read more *purrs hopefully* and thank you soooo much for reading this far 💚
#omega steve harrington#alpha eddie munson#omegaverse steddie#steddie omegaverse#steddie omega cat cafe#rock star eddie munson#steddie au#steddie fluff#slick sunday#steddie
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Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince:
Chapter 10
Masterlist - Previous - Next
The Heartbreak Prince
"Arthur, I don’t have time for this. Who ever Lindsay is, Maman knows what’s she’s doing…" Charles’s groaned, waving at the sea of fans that were waiting for them at the Whitleburry Hall hotel close to the track.
"Lauren. The girls name is Lauren." his little brother retorted, waving at some girls screaming his name.
"Whatever. It’s not something I need to think about as well, okay?" the Ferrari driver smiled at his fans, signing pictures of himself and taking selfie after selfie, when the security guards waved him in he looked at his brother, who waited together with Joris for him "Also, why are you so interested in Larissa?"
"Lauren! Are you even listening?" Arthur sighed frustrated, leaning against the steel wall of the elevator.
"Honestly? No. I don’t. Like I said, I have other things on my mind." the older Leclerc scratched his chin.
"Oh, whatever…"
"Why does this bother you so much?" Joris asked when they left the elevator, looking for their rooms "Since when are you this interested in your mother’s business?"
"I’m not! It’s just-… it was the way she said the name? The way she smiled? I don’t know, I’m just curious…" Arthur sighed and Charles patted his shoulder.
"Listen, whoever Leonore is, Maman will know what she’s doing. So can we now please focus on this weekend? Yeah? I need a good weekend, you as well… so stop thinking about some girl you’ve never even met and start focusing on your job…"
"FUCKING HELL, HER NAME IS LAUREN!" Arthur spat out, pushing his brother’s hand off his shoulder, entering his hotel room "You’re doing this on purpose!" and with that he slammed the door shut.
"That was childish…" Joris rolled his eyes and Charles nodded.
"It was…"
"Not him, you! Oh don’t look at me like that! You were riling him up on purpose!"
"I swear I didn’t. I just don’t have time to remember irrelevant things!" he unlocked the hotel room and put his stuff down "I’m in no position to think about other things then the race weekends ahead and how I can thank my mother to take care of Ava this much. And if Maman hires someone to help her out, I honestly shouldn’t question it. She’s the reason why I can still have my career while being a single father…"
"Maybe you should offer her to pay the-…" Joris began but Charles interrupted him.
"I should pay the salary of Lynette!"
"Oh now you’re messing with me as well!" his best friend threw a pillow at him and Charles caught it laughing.
"I have no idea what you’re talking about… can we focus now on Silverstone?"
"No water. No radio. No car that’s doing what I want. What a shit show…" Charles muttered underneath his breath when he got out of a van at the airport and grabbed his bags, waving at some fans at the fence.
He sighed, the weekend was a disaster with a mediocre qualifying and then a bad race with a 5 second penalty for speeding in the pit lane and a disappointing P7 at the end. He wanted to leave. He had to leave.
"It wasn’t the best of weekends, that’s for sure…" Joris nodded, taking his bags.
"The only good thing about this weekend was that it was the penultimate race before the summer break…"
"Yeah, I think you never needed it this badly…"
"I just want 3 weeks with Ava in the sun, far away from camera’s, fans and all of this." the driver nodded towards some screens that showed the race highlights.
The two men followed the airport hostess to their secluded terminal where another surprise waited for them.
"I know that look…" Charles began, looking at the red head in front of him.
"Charles, there is a problem…" Silvia said slowly, her eyes wary "There’s no easy way to say this, but your jet… it’s not here. You have to take a commercial flight… and the next one available is at 6:25 am."
Charles was too stunned to speak. Her words hit him like a freight train. 6:25 am?
"What?" was all he mustered to say, taking a deep breath.
"The jet is not here. You have to fly commercial."
"Are you serious? What do you mean the jet is not here? And isn’t there an earlier commercial flight? Like tonight maybe?" Charles looked at Silvia with wide eyes.
"The booking wasn’t confirmed… and now the jet is booked for a different flight…"
"I have to be at home tonight, Silvia. My mother is leaving early in the morning and I told her it’ll be just fine! I can’t miss this flight!"
"Well, technically you’re not missing your flight… also, you’re not the only one who has to go back ho-…"
"But no one else has to be at home because their mother can’t watch their daughter forever!" Charles whisper shouted frustrated, his mind racing. Always when he thought a weekend couldn’t end worse, life was showing him just how worse it really could be, now that he stood in the little terminal for private jets, with no way to fly back home "Fuck!" he let out frustrated, typing away on his phone.
"I don’t know what else-…" Silvia began when Charles shook his head, walking away to call Lorenzo.
"Charles?" a voice behind him made Charles flinch, turning around to look at Max "You okay, mate?"
"Of course, an amazing weekend with an amazing end, no?" he pressed out, not in the mood for more unnecessary conversation.
"Umm-… sure. I overheard-… well who didn’t? You weren’t speaking quietly. Anyways, if you have to be in Monaco this urgently, you could fly with us? I have two seats left?" the Red Bull driver offered and Charles cocked an eyebrow.
"Are you sure?"
"I mean, yeah, it’s not the first time we share a jet, it’s been a while but… yeah you know, I don’t know why you have to be in Monaco, but your voice tells me it must be important…" Max replied, tilting his head.
"It really is. I- umm… I promised my mum to be at home tonight. She needs me…" the Monegasque driver said vaguely and Max nodded.
"Alright, then come on, you and Joris can join us."
"She’s amazing. She helps me so much… I can now fully divide my time between the salon and my gorgeous granddaughter… leaving for the convention tomorrow was also only possible because of her!" Pascale raved about her new assistant while feeding Ava "Best decision ever to hire her."
"I didn’t even know you were looking for an assistant and now you constantly talk about her?" Arthur asked, looking up from his tablet.
"Constantly? She’s here now for what? A month? A little more?" Pascale rolled her eyes "Also, I wasn’t looking for an assistant, it was more coincidental, you know? She got a haircut, we talked and et voila I hired her… and she’s doing such an amazing job! She manages the whole salon on her own! I just have to come and cut some hair and then I can leave already because she took care of the rest…"
"As long as she’s a help for you…" Arthur shrugged, right when Charles walked in, hair still damp from his shower.
"Who’s a help for who?" the older Leclerc brother asked, gently kissing his daughters fingers.
"My new assistant-…" his mother began but got interrupted by her youngest son.
"L-a-u-r-e-n… you remember? Maman is raving about her for the past weeks now…"
"You hired a new assistant?" Charles asked, ignoring his brothers eye rolling while sitting down next to her, watching her feed his daughter.
"Yes, it was all really spontaneous. I gave her a haircut, we talked, and then I hired her and believe me Charles, she’s amazing. A hard worker, sweet and charming to all my clients, always polite. She’s a quick learner, amazing with her hands… and don’t let me start on how beautiful she is! She could be a model for sure…"
"Oh yeah? I might have to visit you then in the salon…" Arthur wiggled his eyebrows, earning a slap on his upper arm from his mother "Ouch! What was that for?"
"You have a beautiful girlfriend yourself. Behave!" she replied and then turned slightly to her other son "You on the other hand…"
"Stop. No. Don’t do that, Maman!" Charles rolled his eyes, groaning. He was too exhausted for this. It was the middle of the night, he was tired, frustrated from the weekend and not in the mood for his mother’s attempts to meddle with his love life. He knew her all too well. How she always eyed up his girlfriends, saying him that she wasn’t the one and frankly she was right every single time, but it wasn’t something she had to know.
"Don’t do what?" his mother asked innocently.
"You’re not setting me up with your new assistant-…"
"I wasn’t! I just said that if someone wanted to come over and get to know her it should’ve been you. The single one." Pascale shrugged her shoulders, cooing at her granddaughter.
"Single father…" Charles replied, sighing.
"I don’t think that would be a problem for La-…"
"See! You want to set me up with her. No. Not happening. I have Ava and my career. That’s all I need."
"I didn’t say-…" Pascale began but then shook her head "Whatever, Charles. But just so you know, you would love her. You all would, I for sure am. That’s all I’m saying."
"Yeah, yeah…"
"Alright, now that you’re here, I can go home and have some sleep before I have to get up and leave." Pascale leaned over, laying Ava down in her father’s arms "I’m glad we didn’t have to stick to plan B…"
"I am able to take care of her!" Arthur rolled his eyes.
"Sure you can…" his mother patted his arm "Now come on, you have to drive me home."
"Fine." he got up as well, gently stroking his nieces arm "Good night, little Ava. Charles." he winked at his older brother who smiled lazily, watching his daughter fighting off the inevitable sleep.
As soon as his mother and brother left, Charles got up and laid Ava down in her bassinet, his own tiredness and exhaustion slightly taking over. He pulled the bassinet next to his bed and laid down, watching his daughters every little movement.
"Good night my pretty little princess. Daddy’s here now…" he whispered, before he fell asleep almost immediately.
Charles woke up from Ava’s crying and whimpering. Worse than anything he ever heard before. He was up in an instant, switching on the bedside lamp.
"Hey my little angel, what’s up?" he cooed at her, gently scooping her up, her tears dampen his shirt "Hey, hey, hey. What’s the matter baby girl, hmm?" he patted her back gently, rocking her in his arms "Are you hungry?" he got up and made his way to the kitchen, preparing a bottle, all while Ava cried and whimpered into his chest. He never heard her cry like this before, his heart braking with every new sound from his little girl and when he 10 minutes later sat down with her, trying to feed her he had to learn that it wasn’t the bottle she wanted "Fresh diaper then?" but again, not what was wrong. Charles sat in his bed, rocking Ava who got squirmier with every second, her little sobs making her tiny body shake, which made Charles heart clench "What is it, Ava? Hmm? You’re not hungry, your diaper is clean. What do you need baby girl?" he turned her a little, so he could look into her eyes, tears staining her face. She was pale. But her nose and cheeks were red. Her hair felt like it was a little damp. Charles gently stroked her cheeks and he thought they felt warmer than usual. But was it a fever? Or was it now from crying that much? Charles checked his phone. It was 5:46 am. Ava was awake over half an hour earlier than usual as well "We should try to sleep a little more baby girl… let’s put something on the TV and then try to sleep a little more…" Charles scooted into the middle of his bed, propped up a little against the headboard so that Ava could sleep on his chest, pillows on his left and right in case he fell asleep that Ava was safe. Then he put her down on his thighs and took off his shirt, remembering what the nurse told him the night Ava was born, and put her back on his chest, pulling the blanket over them "Look at that. A nice documentary narrated by David Attenborough… with his soothing voice, we’ll be sleeping in no time…" Charles cooed at Ava, gently rubbing circles on her back. And he was right it didn’t take long for her to fall asleep again. Not her peacefullest one, but she slept. And with her finally settling down, Charles followed shortly after. But not for too long. From the moment Ava woke up an hour later her crying got worse. Her tiny sobs sounded as if she was having a cold and Charles wondered what he should do. When he was having a cold he drank hot tea, took some medication and that was it. But what was he supposed to do with Ava? He grabbed his phone, already dialling his mother’s number when he hung up. His mother was already on her way to the convention and he knew she would turn around immediately. He had to figure it out himself. So he googled. But the results were all too different. Too many different opinions on what to do and he was confused. He was rocking Ava in his arms, pacing back and forth in his apartment, when he called Enzo, asking for help from Charlotte but his older brother told him that she wouldn’t be home for the next couple of hours.
"What’s wrong with her?" Enzo asked, sensing his brother’s distress "I can be at yours in 10 minutes?"
"She’s just not calming down. I tried to feed her, she’s not really eating much. She’s changed, so that shouldn’t be a problem, she can’t be tired because she doesn’t want to sleep. And… she feels a little warmer than normally? She’s a little sweaty… I don’t know what to do? I’m feeling like Maman would know what to do, but I can’t call her. Not when she finally, after years, does something for herself again!"
"Charles, maybe you should go and see a doctor?" Enzo suggested "I can drive you there?"
"I don’t even know who her doctor is…" Charles whispered "I have no idea… Maman took her to the doctor the last times…" he felt like the worst father on earth.
"It’s at the children ward at the hospital. Get ready I’ll pick you up in 10."
"It’s okay, baby girl, we’re going to see a doctor, you’ll be fine. Just fine…" Charles whispered, looking outside the car window, checking where they were "Just a little longer, Ava."
"Almost there." Lorenzo said, looking into the rearview mirror, seeing his brother’s pale face, jaw tightened "5 minutes…"
"You hear that? Almost there, little princess." Charles gently stroked Ava’s cheek, feeling her warm skin "Almost there…"
"I’ll drop you off and then I’ll head to the airport picking Charlotte up… and you let me know what’s up with Ava, okay? And when I have to pick you up…" Lorenzo said.
"Yeah…" Charles mumbled, unbuckling his seatbelt the moment his brother stopped in front of the hospital.
He got out of the car and opened the boot of the car, taking out Ava’s stroller.
"Here you go…" Enzo gently laid his niece down "It’s going to be alright, little Ava." he cooed at her, pulling the blanket over her "Call me, whatever it is, if you need me, don’t want to feel so alone, just call me, okay?" he then said to his brother, hugging him "It’s going to be okay, you hear me?"
"Okay… yeah…" Charles replied "And thanks for driving us… I’m not sure I would’ve been able to drive safely…"
"It’s okay. Now go inside…" Lorenzo patted his back and Charles nodded, pushing Ava’s stroller to the entrance, through the doors to the front desk.
"Hi, umm- I need a doctor, no, my daughter needs a doctor, she’s restless and she feels hot and sweaty and I don’t know what to do, the temperature is rising I think? My mum- she umm, she was here before with Ava, my daughter…" Charles stammered, looking at the nurse who smiled at him.
"Okay, so your daughter’s doctor is here at the children’s ward?" she asked and he nodded "Okay, do you know where the children’s ward is? No, okay… follow the rainbow coloured line on the floor, to your right…" she pointed at the different coloured lines on the floor and Charles nodded.
"Thank you." he replied and walked off, following the line through the hallways until he arrived at a glass door, children’s ward written in colourful letters on it "We did it, baby girl, just a moment… they will help you…" right when he wanted to push the door open it sprang open and an older looking nurse walked out, looking at him.
"Can I help you?" she asked.
"Umm yes-… this is Ava, my daughter, she umm- she needs a doctor, she’s sick I think…" Charles said and the nurse cocked an eyebrow, looking into the stroller.
"Ava? So you are Ava’s father, I was wondering when we would see you here…" she said, nodding towards the front desk inside the children’s ward "Go on in there…"
"Umm- okay." Charles was a little confused by the icy tone of the nurse but he couldn’t think too much about it, walking to the front desk "Hi, my daughter needs a doctor. She’s restless and cries a lot, she didn’t sleep much, doesn’t want to eat and she feels warmer than usual… I think she has a cold…" he explained to the nurse behind the desk and she got up immediately.
"Alright, please follow me…" she brought them into an examination room and helped Charles with getting Ava out of the stroller, taking off her jacket, right when the door opened again "Could you please fill out the paperwork with Mr. …?"
"Leclerc… I’m Charles and this is Ava…" Charles replied and the nurse nodded.
"Alright, can you please help Mr. Leclerc with the paperwork?"
"And Ava?" he asked, his eyes widened.
"Don’t worry, Mr. Leclerc, the doctor will be here shortly, I’ll take care of her, and as soon as you’re done with the papers you’ll be back with your daughter." the nurse smiled and he nodded "It won’t take long, don’t worry. And I’m here, taking care of Ava."
"Mr. Leclerc, would you please follow me?" the other nurse lead him outside and Charles followed her hesitantly "Don’t worry, she’s in really good hands. I just need you to fill out these documents, you can sit down there…" she pointed at some chairs lined up at the wall of the hallway and Charles took the clipboard and sat down, scribbling away.
Charles hands were a little shaky, he never liked hospitals, too many people did he lose in one. But for Ava he had to be strong, push the negative thoughts away and focus on her wellbeing. When he was done with the paperwork he looked up, but the nurse wasn’t sitting behind her desk and he looked to the left, where two women walked up to him.
"Mr. Leclerc? Hi, I’m Cleo Bernoit, this is Marianne Goulard, we’re from the CPS in Monaco…" the blonde woman began.
"CPS?" Charles interrupted, looking confused between the two women.
"Child protective services…"
"What? Are you kidding me? Why?" he was at a loss of words, confused and scared.
"Someone called us after the incident with your daughter… it’s a standard procedure. Mandatory." the red haired woman, Marianne, said "And since we have an office here in the hospital, we just want to check in quickly."
"You see, you’re a single father with a demanding job. We’re just here to make sure that everything is alright." Cleo added and Charles swallowed hard.
"Umm- okay… but it wasn’t really an incident? I just wasn’t sure what to do and couldn’t reach my mum, that’s why I brought her to the emergency room…" he mumbled, his hands gripping his thighs tightly, knuckles turning white "She was restless, cried and felt a little warmer then usually. I couldn’t calm her down. So yeah, I thought taking her here would be the best."
"I see. Does this happen more often?" the blond woman asked.
"That she’s restless and cries and I can’t calm her down? Or what? The slightly higher temperature?" Charles was confused.
"No, that you need to check in with your mother, regarding your daughter’s health." the redhead said.
"What?" he was taken aback "What do you mean?"
"Ava is your daughter. You’re the one responsible for her and-…"
"I know that she’s my daughter and I’m responsible for her. But she’s also my first child, I don’t know everything about babies yet and before I make a mistake I check in with my mother, who successfully raised three kids-…" Charles began, his voice wavering with emotions.
"We know that Mr. Leclerc. It’s just… we’ve been notified that for the last two check-ups, it was your mother who brought Ava in. Not you." the redhead said and Charles eyes widened "And when Ava got her second round of vaccines a month ago, it was also your mother who brought her in again…" she continued.
"Yes. Because I had to work. And while I’m being away working, my mother takes care of her granddaughter. Is there a problem with that?" he said.
"Mr. Leclerc. Ava is your daughter, she’s not even three months old but you are more interested in travelling the world then-…"
Charles had enough. He got up from his seat, his hands balled into fists, breathing heavy.
"I am not more interested in travelling the world than being with my daughter. It is my job. I am a Formula 1 driver. Travelling the world is my job. I am a single father who is more than grateful that his mum takes care of his daughter while he’s away, working. Excuse me, but I want to see my daughter now." his voice was dangerously low, his anger and frustration palpable.
He walked away towards the nurses station, already typing a message out for his mother.
"Hi, can I see my daughter now?" Charles asked the nurse who smiled at him, taking the clipboard from him, looking it over.
"Let me just check if you didn’t forget anything and then we-…" she began.
"No. I want to see her. Now." his voice louder than intended.
"No, of course not, Mr. Leclerc, follow me…" the nurse got up from her seat and gestured for Charles to follow her, down the hall.
"Thank you-… I didn’t want to get loud and be rude. I was just-… I’m just scared and frustrated… I shouldn’t have let it out at you…" he stammered but the nurse just smiled at him.
"It’s okay, it’s your first child, that’s normal." she patted his arm and stopped in front of a door, knocking gently "Dr. Richefort? I have Mr. Leclerc here, little Ava’s dad, can we-"
"Of course, of course, come on in, Mr. Leclerc!" an older man waved Charles inside and he hastily walked in, his eyes immediately on Ava in a little bassinet on the table, the other nurse holding out a teddy bear to her "Everything is alright with your little one. Just a little fever and stuffed nose, nothing out of the ordinary, that happens sometimes."
"She’s okay?" the young father whispered, his eyes rooted on his daughters face "Nothing serious?"
"Nothing serious. Nothing a warm bath in a little steamy bathroom can’t cure. Close all windows and doors, start the shower with hot water and let some steam build in the room, that’s perfect for her nose and lungs. I gave her some syrup to calm her down and reduce the fever, I wrote that one up for you to get as well as something for her stuffed nose." Dr. Richefort said and he was relieved, cupping Ava’s cheek who was smiling lazily, playing with the doctor’s stethoscope now.
"I can take her home?" Charles asked, looking up.
"Of course, I don’t see any reason why not. Just get her medicine and give her something of the syrup before bed and she should be perfectly fine in one or two days. You’re good to go." the doctor nodded to the nurse who grabbed Ava’s onesie from a stool helping Charles getting her ready.
His eyes didn’t leave Ava’s face for one second, his heart racing. As soon as his little one was safely in her stroller and the Doctor handed him the prescription for the pharmacy, the nurse showed him the way outside.
"Can I ask you something?" Charles had to know "Why did you call the CPS?"
"CPS? They were here?" she stopped, looking at him "Why?" she seemed genuinely confused opening the door for Charles and the stroller.
"Yeah… they said it’s mandatory, after all I wasn’t with Ava for her last check-ups and that because my mum was taking care more of her than I am…" he almost whispered and the blonde woman thought for a moment before she sighed, shaking her head.
"Angelique… the head nurse. She’s one of the older nurses here. Very settled in her way of thinking and how families are supposed to look like. Single parents? God no! Worse, a single father? Who works? I bet it was her. She’s the one who does the administrative stuff like that… I’m very sorry that she called them…"
"The older nurse who opened the doors when I arrived?"
"I didn’t see, but yeah, that could be…"
"Am I on their watchlist now?" Charles asked when they entered the foyer of the hospital "Now that they looked into my-no Ava’s file?"
"I wish I could say no… but the truth is, now that you got their attention, they will have an eye on you… I’m sorry. I’ve seen you with your little girl and I think you’re doing a good job…" she said genuinely and Charles mustered a tiny smile.
"Thanks… have a nice day." he walked out of the door, waving the nurse goodbye.
As soon as Charles was outside he put on his shades and a baseball cap, hoping that no one would recognise him. He made a mental note to call his lawyer later on, not sure if she could do anything about the CPS and also the fact that he was here today. Ava was sleeping in her stroller and he decided a nice little walk would do them some good. Some fresh air. He also knew that Ava slept the best in her stroller, the slightly bumpy sidewalks rocking her gently in her stroller, making it perfect for a nice long slumber. Like that he could also stop at the little pharmacy that was far off the usual busy streets of Monaco, getting Ava’s medicine.
Charles decided to make a little stop at the harbour, enjoying the sun, calming down his nerves. His mind was racing. The fact that someone called the CPS on him was bad enough, but to think that because of that, all the hard work to keep Ava safe and a secret were for nothing was worse. He tried his best to be at home with her as much as he could. Took it upon him to travel in between races back home where he usually would just straight fly to the next race. Even if it was only for a couple of hours, he didn’t miss a single chance to see her if possible. Was it ideal? No. He knew that. He felt it. He missed her. Every single minute he was gone, he missed her like crazy. But he couldn’t ask his mother to travel with him around the world so Ava could come with him. His mother had her own life and it wasn’t fair to ask that of her. She probably would agree, she would sacrifice everything for her children and now granddaughter. Charles leaned back, sighing.
"What the hell am I supposed to do?" he mumbled when Ava stirred in her stroller, waking up crying "Hey, baby girl, it’s alright… all good…" he gently picked her up and held her close to his chest, rocking her slowly "It’s all good my little princess…"
But it wasn’t. Ava’s cries were getting louder, making Charles trying desperately to calm her down. He looked up in the sky once, sending a prayer out for anyone to help him.
"It’s the sunglasses, you know?" a gentle voice commented, making Charles flinch, he didn’t notice that someone was sitting on one of the other benches.
"Sorry?" he asked confused.
"Lose the sunglasses, yeah and maybe the cap too…" a pretty girl replied, her eyes shining "She wants to see you, but she can’t…" her beautiful smile almost made Charles heart skip a beat.
"Umm-… just… just take off the sunglasses and the cap? It’s that easy?" he cocked and eyebrow but did as told after he looked around for a moment, making sure that no one else was around.
"I mean, it could be… it’s worth a try, now she can look at her dad, sees that you’re looking at her too… that you’re here for her." the girl explained and Charles nodded slowly, looking down at Ava.
"I’m here, Ava. It’s all good…" he smiled at his daughter, kissing her forehead, when she seemed to calm down a little.
"Or she’s just hungry or needs new nappies…" the girl continued and Charles looked at her.
"So you’re just throwing out some guesses? You’re not some kind of a baby guru?" he chuckled a little and the girl shook her head "What a shame, I could’ve used one…" he mumbled and she looked at him "Sorry… it’s- it’s been a short night. And a way too long day…"
"No need to apologise. I know how you feel…"
"You have one as well?" the young man looked at her with big eyes, sounding surprised "Sorry! I shouldn’t have said it like that… it’s just you look quiet young? I mean not that it’s bad to be a young mother! It’s great, like you know… I think I better just shut up…" he groaned, shaking his head and the girl had to stifle a laugh.
"I mean I am young. But not too young… but no, I don’t have one… I worked with some tho…" she replied.
"You worked with babies?"
"I‘m a paediatric nurse…"
"Padric what?" Charles was confused, tilting his head a little.
"Paediatric nurse… kids… I was trained especially for kids and did some hours on the new born ward…" she explained.
"Oh! Wow! You’re more than qualified to give some advice then…" he looked at her "You’re here on vacation?"
"No… I moved here actually… just a couple of weeks ago, still trying to get used to everything…" the girl replied and he nodded.
"Don’t worry, not all Monegasques are as lost as me and need help from a pretty stranger…" Charles said and then blushed, the moment he realised what he just had said out loud.
"Oh- umm… it’s alright… don’t worry…" the girls cheeks were turning red.
"I- I should go… I have to put her down soon…" Charles carefully laid his daughter in the stroller next to them and put his cap and sunglasses back on "Thanks for umm- for the help…"
"Sure. If she’s still a little grumpy later on, you should try a warm bath…" the pretty girl got up as well "Umm-… bye."
"Yeah-… umm bye…" Charles turned around and pushed the stroller in front of him before he stopped again, turning a little "Oh and welcome to Monaco."
"Thanks." she smiled back at him, making Charles heart definitely skip a beat.
"I’m Charles, by the way. Maybe I’ll see you around some time, Monaco is almost like a little village." he chuckled and she nodded, turning around, walking away "Well now I need to see her again…" he mumbled, cooing at Ava "She didn’t tell me her name."
"Charles?"
"Hmm?" he blinked looking at his mother "What?"
"What happened then?" she asked and he was confused for a moment, the smile of the pretty stranger in the back of his mind "You left the hospital and then? Did you hear from the CPS again?"
"No. Not yet… I mean it’s just 2 days ago, no? I didn’t give them any reason…" Charles sighed.
"You must’ve been scared, after they jumped at you like that?" Pascale patted his arm and he sighed.
"Yeah… it was scary… but yeah I mean, it’s like this. I can’t change it, not now at least, I’m leaving for Spa in an hour…"
"The most important thing is that Ava is healthy. She’s all good, you took care of her just like a good dad would. The rest we’ll figure out." Charles’ mother smiled at him and he nodded slowly "Okay, there is something else? Since I’m back your thoughts seem to drift away every now and then? And you have this smile on your face? What happened? You’re going from worried to happy and dreamy in a heartbeat?"
"Hmm? What?" Charles looked at her, scratching his beard.
"You don’t even listen to me? What happened?" Pascale cocked an eyebrow and he averted his gaze immediately, looking at Ava "You can’t even look me in the eyes?"
"I don’t know what you mean…" he replied, a soft smile on his lips, when he thought back to the girl from the harbour "I’m just happy that Ava is all good… and now I should check that I packed everything…"
"No, I know you… there’s something else… it’s almost like…" Pascale began, when Joris plopped down next to her on the sofa.
"It’s almost like he has a crush on someone. I know that smile, almost a little dumb... and the fact he can’t look us in the eyes when we ask him what’s going on? How he changes the topic? Charles met someone…" he chuckled and his best friend groaned, although he began to blush slightly "And now look at his face! He’s blushing!"
"You really met someone! And that someone must’ve left quite the impression on you… I mean, look at you!" Pascale grinned, although she was a little disappointed that she couldn’t introduce Lauren earlier to her son "Who is she? Where did you meet her?"
"Okay, okay. Calm down. I met her once. After the hospital, I don’t know her name, or anything. She helped me with Ava. She was amazing. But that’s it. I don’t have a crush. Or anything like that, okay?" Charles said but his mother and best friend just exchanged glances and he knew that he shouldn’t have said anything "Can we please leave it be? I have one last race before the summer break. Let me focus on that and then after you can annoy me again?"
"Oh you can bet on it…" Joris laughed and Pascale nodded.
"I can’t wait to hear more of it…" she added.
"Alright, now let me enjoy the last minutes with my little princess before we have to leave."
Lauren swiped the floor clean, when the phone rang and Pascale answered the call, smiling while speaking in a soft voice. The young girl continued with cleaning the mirrors and wiped the console tables underneath, storing away the cleaning utilities as soon as she was done.
"La porte de derrière est ouverte... D’accord."
Lauren thought for a moment, trying to translate what Pascale had said.
"The backdoor is open." Pascale said, looking at the young girl "You tilt your head and poke out your tongue, when you’re trying to translate what was said…"
"Oh…" how embarrassing.
"You’ll finally meet one of my sons, Charles is coming over. " her voice was always filled with love and pride as soon as she mentioned one of her sons, it made Lauren’s heart swell, hearing her talk so fondly and adoringly of her sons.
But at the same time it also stung a little, making her miss her mother even more.
"Charles? He’s the youngest?"
"Middle."
"Oh, okay." Lauren nodded, storing away some bottles, when a breathtakingly handsome young man, stepped out of the hallway, a young man Lauren knew from somewhere.
"Charles, come in, come in. I want you to meet Lauren-…" Pascale switched to English, making her son cock an eyebrow.
"Your new assistant you can’t stop talking about?" he chuckled and Pascale nodded, he then followed his mothers look and as soon as his eyes landed on Lauren his whole face lit up, something his mother noticed, making her grin "It’s you! The girl from the park!"
"You two know ea-… wait? The girl from the park? OH! The girl from the park!" Pascale made big eyes, a big smile spreading on her face.
Charles blushed immediately, but he wasn’t alone, Laurens eyes widened and her cheeks were turning red, he was talking about her?
Chapter 10 - I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT! Life was messy, hectic and really a lot these last weeks and I didn’t want to post something only okayish. It finally happened. Lauren and Charles officially met ♥️ now the real party starts hehehe
Please leave a comment/ like/ reblog/ message and tell me how you liked it! I'm dying to hear your thoughts!
If you want to be added to the taglist, drop a comment!
Last but not least, English is not my first language and although I tried my best: please excuse any mistakes I made!
Taglist:
@glitterquadricorn @lottalove4evelyn @janeh22 @itsjustkhaos @mariclerc @fangirlforever2000
#charles leclerc#charles leclerc 16#charles leclerc x oc#charles leclerc f1#charles leclerc fanfic#charles leclerc fic#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc as dad#dad!charles leclerc#cl16#cl16 x oc#cl16 fanfic#cl16 fic#cl16 imagine#scuderia ferrari#formula 1#formula 1 x oc#formula 1 fanfic#formula 1 fic#formula 1 fandom#formula 1 story#formula 1 imagine#f1#f1 x oc#f1 writing#f1 fiction#f1 fic#f1 fandom#f1 fanfic#f1 story
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why tf is it so hard to find a job in boston,,,,,,
#one place so far has gotten back to me and they were like all over the place with asking me for an interview even tho i told them 3 times#that i havent relocated yet 😭😭and they just kept asking me to schedule an in person interview#LIKE GUYS IM NOT THERE YET I WILL BE SOON#i wanted that job so bad it was weekends only#ughh#if anyone is in boston and has some suggestions#im looking for part time anything more than like 16-20 hrs is too much#prefer weekends#pls fucking pm me#im applying to work study positions and jobs off campus#im looking every day literally#it is a cesspool maan#no one wants to hire this lil gay man
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im being so so brave but also i am gripping you by the shoulders and leaning in and letting you know i am so tired of being brave
#my job has invented new and even more agonizing ways to make itself stressful to endure#and that isn't even counting the fact that i've now seriously fucked up my wrist transporting 30lb boxes up and down stairs#or the fact that i occasionally get piercing shoulder pains if i'm not super careful about how i use the hand truck#or the fact that whenever i come home on mondays my entire lower body is so sore that i can't move beyond a weak shuffle#it's the fact that my boss has no sense of organization#so my supervisor and i are basically salvaging or starting from scratch every week#it's the fact that some of our clients are asking for things we're not even contracted to provide#like access to our company materials or additional resources outside of our scheduled bookings#and that there's this constant looming threat of 'ohhh don't be bad at your job!! or else we'll lose our contract with these people!!'#but 'bad at your job' in this case means 'not bending over backwards to accommodate the least accommodating circumstances possible'#like 'hey you need to lead this training exercise meant for 20 people except actually you only have 4 people'#'and actually none of them are familiar with the prerequisites for this training or have any experience with the skills'#'and also none of them want to be there and half of them just Don't Do These Things as a rule'#'and if you try to make them do anything they don't want to do (even if it's literally the point of the training) they Will leave'#'and then we will no longer have enough clients to pay you'#like. what am i doing. this company was not designed to work with this format. we're not an arts and crafts group or a club meeting#hi so i wrote this post before starting weekend work prep#it has been 3 hours now#im still not done#i haven't eaten and my wrist hurts so bad#i need to.................. take a break................................
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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before
#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up#sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation#even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been#some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss#but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time#over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either#i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane#i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after#i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at#it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same#silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time#it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen#of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately#this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country#again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want#things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao#i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot#everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me#and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d#anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that#to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm#recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca#also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before#anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun#and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have#i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired#and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that#i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip#whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn#(<- guy who should be in therapy)
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#meg talks#just venting#im in so much pain it’s not even funny#im sorry for being inactive for so long i really was not anticipating this#the good news is ive made a lot of progress on compiling the spreadsheet for vetted gaza funds#so that once ive cleared out the dms i can add additional mods and get the ball rolling properly again#the bad news is that my insomnia is back and my pain is getting so bad i can barely get out of bed or eat#i don’t think it’s related to the fundraising work so much as… everything else -_-#i didn’t want to be out of a job for this long#and having to send so many applications and make so many fucking unhelpful phone calls a day to doctors and help centers…#idk. this isn’t me complaining abt the fundraiser work if anything it’s the only rewarding thing im doing rn#but im frustrated w myself and with my body and with. everything#it’s not just my own family relying on me anymore#and that makes it hard to deal with all this. like i could be using my time and energy way better than this.#but instead im playing phone tag to try and prove that im disabled and need to feed my brothers.#im just cjdhxgxjcncj sigh. whatever if i can just get over this hump then the rest will be downhill#and my friend is going to help me w cooking this weekend so that me and my bros can eat better#so hopefully that will give me a boost too#idr where i was going w this. probably nowhere jdgdjdnxnc im just miserable rn bc i can’t sleep and my leg hurts
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I hate that life gets more expensive the more time that passes
I think you should be able to work the same amount of hours for the same amount of pay and be OK money wise forever actually
You shouldn't have to constantly be striving for growth I think
#I've worked a consistent schedule for around two years now and I just hate that I'm worried it might not be enough this year#I really don't want to work two jobs tbh#even though really I'm not in a bad position to since my schedule is so consistent#the main issue I'd have is my weekends already being mostly taken unless I'd want to go from one job to another#I want to keep living my easy simple life though >:c#I like my less then full time hours actually and my almost the same work week every week#and almost always being alone at work unless it's a special sale day#I like having more time for things I like to do over more money for them even though I know it will put me in an early grave#Minimum wage where I live should just suddenly go up to like 20 an hour#It won't because it's a deep red state#Also would only get me like 6 extra dollars an hour since I already make more than minimum wage in the first place#Not like that's hard to do with it being so low here though
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had like one of the worst weekends of my life last weekend but today it's cloudy and im rereading twilight so killing myself is postponed until after thanksgiving
#im rereading twilight so u know what that means! im on the verge of a mental breakdown#this weekend was so sooooooo so bad and stressful the moral of the story is just dont have any family at all#found family is the only family that matters ive been saying that my whole life#anyways im rereading twilight to also distract me from my zoom interview tomorrow for the finance job#that i dont even want and im considering postponing it until after thanksgiving bc im so tired and stressed from the weekend but anyways.
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“I’ll be fine i just need to uhhhhhhh idk kill” but like…what if i did haha
#my stuff#dear diary and the several thousand mfs who can see it. Despite arguably good academic performance today feels like a bad day#bc i skipped lab to take a nap#and i feel lonely and incapable of connecting more than superficially with my classmates#like i can talk to them and i do and we get along well but i never…hang out w em#or at least not as much as they seem to without me#it’s not a malicious thing i think a huge part of it is groups of ppl living or working in the same space#and i’m in a different lab building than a lot of ppl#idk…struggling to find anything that sparks joy. unable to see the future with optimism#it’s just day after day of Job where i’ll beat myself up on weekends if i don’t do Even More Work#bc that’s the nature of grad school. always homework or literature review to do like i give a shit abt the latter#i don’t care what other people are doing i don’t wanna obsessively comb through journals to make sure i’m doing Brand New Shit#i want it to stop#i don’t want to read anymore. i don’t wanna have to worry about my job outside of work.#i want to cry and scream and#like i don’t wanna quit after i worked so hard to get here#i don’t wanna wuss out#but i’m always tired. i’m never rested or relaxed or truly enjoying myself#why is this only hard for me…how tf is everyone else able to read and remember and understand this much??#like yeah maybe i should be on adhd meds but those are fuckin spensive and a pain in the ass to get#i’m tired of being tough#i want to curl into a ball and be told it’s going to be okay and that i can rest and have it not be a lie or a half measure
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has someone made gifs of the two times luigi has ripped his shirt off yet
#im gonna draw more repo stuff real soon btw!!! i just dont have ideas LOL#maybe image redraws but what images have i not redrawn yet ❤️#also unrelated note but when i met bill moseley twice halloween weekend he had like#SOOO many repo prints u could ask him to sign but i only went with choptop bc i didnt wanna seem weird for getting more than 1 autograph#is it weird to get more than one????#he has a luigi print on his table that i was eyeing real bad#but if i got more than one my dad would chokeslam me onto the floor for that#when i finish retaking all my classes i WILL get a job. this postgraduate shit is not for the weak guys 😭#also i think i should’ve asked for a selfie instead i dont fucking kbow i was really awkward talking with him and was on the verge of going#nonverbal 😭😭IT WAS SO EMBARRASSING HE ASKED ME WHAT I WANTED TO HIM TO SIGN AND I DEADASS JUST SHRUGGED#he was very nice though he reenacted a bunch of choptop lines for me to choose for him to sign LOL#im rambling in tags again sorry
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im so fucking mad at myself at my mother at her dead husband at god fucking knows what. "concentrate on yourself" well i cant can i. now more than anything i should and i cant. losing my fucking mind istg
#i wasted the whole fucking weekend because i *had to* come visit her and once i visited i *had to* hang out with my fucking grandfather#watching him cry about grandma and bitch about modern times and the waiter not doing his job because the café was full to bursting#and it took longer than usual to get our coffees so ofc he had to loudly insult him in third person. oh and then he had to bitch about#gay people and women who dont want children too because of he did. and i sat there and listened to it because i HAD TO#wasted four fucking hours. and then i HAD TO go to the theatre with my mom because she got us tickets because she wanted this#to be a nice day for me but i dont have fucking time to have nice days rn but in order for HER to have a nice day i need to at least pretend#i am having one. so i wasted another almost two hours on that play#which was some modern uselessly loud to the point of being physically painful bullshit bad enough that we left mid-show#and then i had to go meet with her friends so lost another two hours and by the time i got home to write that bullshit thesis it was 11pm#and i barely got anything done till 1 am because i went through another stupid little mental breakdown and then it was almost 6 am#and i had to stop because i had a train at 8 and i already only slept like 3 hours that day#and then i got home yesterday totally fucking exhausted and i started reading stuff for the thesis but i was falling asleep so i laid down#'for 10 minutes' and i woke up today at 6. not having written a word lol#and now i could just say fuck it and defend it in september and it would make my life so much easier. but my voice teacher wants me#to get accepted for the masters degree even if im already planning to get the deans leave for the first semester so like. god.#i cant do this lol#i know i should have started earlier but i was kinda busy losing my fucking mind and lying in bed staring at the ceiling for hours#and contemplating dropping out completely lol god i hate my life so much it's unreal
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I know it's wrong and bad to say this, but sometimes I really hate when my friends have other friends. (specifically when I can't also be friends with those friends) because every time I want someone to hang out with or talk to, the only couple friends I have are always busy with their other friends. when I want to plan something with them, they will always choose the other friends over me. they will cancel plans *with* me as soon as other friends ask, but won't cancel plans *for* me when i ask. they will use up their social spoons on other friends and leave none for me. always putting things with me off or simply not responding at all.
i'm always told by random people when I say I want mkre friends "it's better to have a couple great friends than many aquantances" or something like that. but honestly it sucks because you can't rely on 1-2 people to always be there for you every day or every week when you want or need someone. if you keep asking, you're seen as annoying and clingy and they will ignore you eventually (or worse)
it's annoying that they get to fill their social needs at all times, but I never get to. because i'm never the one that gets to go first in the social queue. and when it gets to my turn, it refreshes and i'm pushed to the back again.
the only solution I can ever think of is being friends with my friends' friends too....but for some reason!!!!!! that never works out!!!! (if my friends will even share their friends with me to begin with)
#and dont even get me started on when i share my friends with each other and they choose each other over me and kick me out lmao#WHY ARE FRIENDS SO HARD#why am i just a little creature that requires certain amounts/types of social interaction that never gets met#and no one wants to do anything about it. and im forced to sit here feeling bad about it because i cant fix it either fbbdbdfghhdhjrhfdj#this whole friend and human interaction and bonding and companionship bullshit is going to be lifelong issue and im not here for it#NO ADVICE IM GIVEN WORKS. IM TIRED OF ONE SIDED BULLSHIT WHERE ONLY I TRY. HUMANS ARE ANNOYING#im like a non human creature that wears human skin and everyone except me knows and they dont want me and i domt know why#i also dont have the energy to do the whole new friends song and dance where you small talk to get to know each other#and share your life stories. i rather just hang out and become friends through enjoyment of mutual enjoyed activity????#or something like that idk#i tried so hard to be friendly to friends' friend last weekend when we all hung out so i can be adopted into their friend group but#they didnt even tell me it was nice meeting me and hanging out and didnt even say bye to me. only to my friends#and i was too sad about that to say it to them instead as they walked away. theyre way more social and good at words#and i was overwhelmed and struggling to speak so i was waiting for the queue to say those things or something#i expected it like an idiot loser becuase i thought i did a good job being a cute gremlin that fits into the group that seems to have#other goofy gremlins like me. i thought maybe they can be “my people” or something. but then they turned around and left#after telling my friends bye. and didnt acknowledge me. and i juat kept smiling and turned around and walked away too#PRETENDING IT WAS FINE. BUT IT FELT BAD. BECAUSE I FAILED TO MAKE A FRIEND WHEN I THOUGHT I DID GOOD WITH THEM FOR ONCE#so “being confident/believing in yourself” like im told to do DIDNT WORK AND IT FELT WORSE THAN DOUBTING MYSELF. YOU LIARS. ugh fhdhdhfhjssk#WHAT DO. WHY LEE BAD AT THIS. WHY IT FEEL BAD. WHY NOT JUST ACCEPT BEING ALONE 99% OF TIME AND GIVE UP. WOULD BE EASIER#lee rants#autism things#i know its rude to invite yourself into a friend group but what if i try anyway 🤪✌️
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Might have to take a $4 an hour pay cut just to get out of here.
#chit chat#work stuff#it won't be so bad#you can make four meals out of a 45c ramen packet if you're careful#and it's a three day work week with a 12 hour shift#which is only an hour longer than what im already doing#and it means four day weekend#this is ofc the fifth time that they've posted this job in four months#but#im hoping that's just because no one in their right mind wants to work a 12 hour shift for a dollar above minimum wage#where as i. a person driven to insanity and desperation.
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hate to say it but july kinda sucked
#please let me whine and list all the things that have troubled me this month#first off having to get serious about my master thesis and everything taking so much longer than I want it to (the anxiety. wow)#and mentally preparing to tackle two jobs AND finishing the thesis all at once soon (how......am I gonna do that)#well then ofc my car breaking down and having to spend my last savings on a new one#generally having to spend a shit load of money. all my money. gone within 2 months#wanting to have a big birthday party so badly only for it to get so stressful and Too Much for my introverted perfectionist ass#that I was the first and only one to feel (physically and mentally) sick about four hours in and had to leave my guests on their own#the usual old struggles flaring up again (as in too high expectations towards everything and everyone and myself that leave me disappointed#and on a more irrelevant note lmao: being one of the few people who doesn’t seem to have enjoyed barbenheimer that much?#same for jk’s solo and everything around it it's just not really for me#and thus feeling a little distanced from the fandom and from creating lately...I'll try again this weekend though I'll try#and last but not least my skin is being SO bad again rn that I just want to rip it off my whole body!!!!!!!#yeah! not at all how I wanted july to go! anyways august in a few days let’s move on and hope for the best#SORRY for being negative on here again. there were also nice things. like awi and al and all my other friends.#and birthday gifts and messages. <33
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ughughugh
#sad day for me despite all the booping#found out one of my fam’s cats died last night#and then my husband tested positive for covid so now i’m having to isolate all weekend so i can try and not get it 😔#but i already feel bad but luckily still testing negative#so took a sick day anyway which sending those emails gives me major anxiety but like who wants a sick person in their office cmon???#also my job could be done at home 95% of the time but we only get one day at home 😭#so that could solve this but instead now yall get no work out of me ya played yourself#just gonna huddle and cry and boop all day then#pet death tw#katie.txt
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I'm kind of,, tired of the studio
#i knew id get there eventually 😮💨#I still dont hate it exactly but you have to have so much energy for it#and when youre only there for like three days a week and on two of those days no one shows up#and one of them is a weekend day of back to back appointments#it just feels Bad to be there no matter what fhdhDND#also the drive. the drive is finally starting to get to me again#if i still thought i could make working seasonally work id want to come back for the holidays again#but i dont want to work seasonally anymore. please god i need a job that isnt seasonal#anyway
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