#i want to sleep for 20 years
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#someone please just put me out of my misery#im so tired#why is this even necessary#why do we have to go through all fo this shit#i want to sleep for 20 years
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bad kid bard step-siblings who have a devil father, a name beginning with F and a desire to pursue unhealthy relationships until they finally get their kisses in with a cute girl who is based on a mythological creature
#dimension 20#fantasy high#fig faeth#ayda aguefort#fabian seacaster#mazey phaedra#fantasy high junior year#fhjy spoilers#figayda#sorry theyre so messy i need to sleep but i wanted to post them so just pretend you dont see the unfinished hands 😌#my art#id in alt text
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i was hacked by a very unhappy man!
#dimension 20#never stop blowing up#nsbu#d20 nsbu#g13#g13 nsbu#usha rao#MY TASTE IN FICTIONAL CHARACTERS GETS WORSE AND WORSE BY THE DAY!!!!!#sorgy. i cant help it every time a character is even slightly sympathetic i fall for it every time#i acknowledge that he is rude to everyone around him and the reason why he is so isolated from every body#is that he is egotistical and drives people away on purpose#like if u are not useful to him then he doesnt like you#but that in and of itself is so sad. hes just really sad#and a dick. and its funny#“we can have an old ladies night out” “maybe you can have that one by yourself” LMAO#ALSO USHA IS SO FUNNY U HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD I WAS LAUGHING TODAY#“i made my own alcohol during the prohibition” SHES 100 YEARS OLD AT BEST. AND FROM INDIA#i think these two are my favorite characters this far and i dont know what that says abt me#oh not even mentioning the inherent tragedy of fictional character who knows theyre not real and wants to escape into the real world#tell me g13. why do you want people? huh? HUH?#im also being influenced by his nature of being a loser and also i like computers and computer symbolism#im normal you can trust me#i could go on about how usha and g13 are alike in their refusal to change#but i need to sleep#nsbu spoilers
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Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by Sleep - A Fragmentary Passage
#kingdom hearts 0.2 birth by sleep a fragmentary passage#kh0.2#darkside#heartless#realm of darkness#my gif#i really do wish to learn more about these heartless#they're huge and intimidating although never particularly strong yet they still feel so significant#i'd like to think they're more than what they seem and are not just a reoccurring boss#waiting for the possibility to learn info on a very specific thing for an ongoing 20+ year old game series... agonizing#the fact that only this kind of heartless can create a giant evil ball of energy in the sky that consumes worlds means SOMETHING right?#whenever we have to fight one the camera always zooms out through the empty heart shaped chest cavity and i want that to Mean Something
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“Oh baby, can you cast legend lore!”
#awwww#what an excited dm#sadly I must go to sleep before the lore drop#I honestly feel like I’m going to accidentally fall asleep now and I want to remember the episode so it’s for the best#dimension 20#d20#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#fhjy ep 17#fhjy spoilers#legend lore#adaine abernant#sibohan Thompson#brennan lee mulligan#live reaction#the name#the name spoilers
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Fuck it Friday & Inspiration Saturday
it’s Saturday for me so I’m smooshing the two together.
Tagged by @thewolvesof1998 @wikiangela @exhuastedpigeon @lover-of-mine @disasterbuckdiaz @devirnis @spotsandsocks @callmenewbie -> tagging you all right back for inspiration Saturday 😘
Okay so I’m back from holidays and the writing beans did visit me (yay!) … but did they visit for any of my current wips? Haha of course not 🤪. Being near the beach inspired a new buddie wip that is going to be part of a series called Daylight, inspired by the Taylor Swift song of the same name. I already have some stuff written for two more fics in the series too haha.
Here’s a moodboard for the series and a little snippet from the first fic, I’ve been sleeping so long in a 20 year dark night (now I’m wide awake).
Quick summary -> musician Buck is tired of the fame, fortune and loneliness of a life that doesn’t even feel like his own, so he packs his bags and runs away and ends up in the small beachside town of Hartlan Shore where he may just find everything he’s been longing for.
“What are you playing?”
Buck’s fingers pause in their strumming, his left hand sliding along the neck of the guitar as he abandons the chords he was playing. He opens his eyes to find a kid, no more than 8 years old with curly brown hair and wide inquisitive blue eyes framed by red rimmed glasses standing before him.
Buck squints his eyes against the morning sun. “Uh, nothing really, just playing random chords hoping it’ll turn into something.”
The kid moves on shaky legs to drop down in the sand on Buck’s right hand side. “I want to learn to play the guitar, but my Dad says no one in town is offering lessons.”
Buck frowns in sympathy for the kid. He remembers being a kid in Hershey and begging his parents for guitar lessons. He still doesn’t know why they turned him down at first, leaving him to seek out lessons from the school music teacher, Mr Glover, every Thursday at recess. It wasn’t until Mr Glover flagged his parents down at the one parent teacher night they actually managed to attend, using the magic words natural talent for the guitar and great potential with the right vocal training, that they agreed to get him not only private guitar lessons, but singing lessons too. Mr Glover had been more than happy to keep their lessons up, but Phillip and Margret Buckley didn’t think a mere school music teacher was good enough to teach their son, not if he was going to become somebody. Buck hadn’t cared who taught him, he’d just wanted to learn, just like this kid seems to.
“Would you like to learn a couple of chords now?” Buck asks.
The kid’s face lights up, a wide smile stretching across his face as he nods his head eagerly. Buck feels himself melt a little at how adorable this kid is.
“First things first.” Buck lays his guitar over his lap and extends his hand out to the kid. “I’m Buck.”
The kid looks at his hand for a moment, long enough that Buck is starting to wonder if maybe he doesn’t know what a handshake is, but then a small hand slips into his. “I’m Christopher.”
No pressure tagging: @watchyourbuck @hippolotamus @athenagranted @eddiebabygirldiaz @malewifediaz @spagheddiediaz @jamespearce9-1-1 @wildlife4life @weewootruck @rainbow-nerdss @the-likesofus @try-set-me-on-fire @theotherbuckley @fortheloveofbuddie @steadfastsaturnsrings @giddyupbuck @jeeyuns @jesuisici33 @hoodie-buck @honestlydarkprincess @ladydorian05 @loserdiaz @clusterbuck @monsterrae1 @mellaithwen @nmcggg and anyone else who wants to join in and share something ❤️
#fic: I’ve been sleeping so long in a 20 year dark night (now I’m wide awake)#Daylight series#buddie wip#daffi writes#buddie#I’m itching to get back to Rival Firefighters because I miss them#but I don’t want to force it#so I’ll continue to go where the writing beans take me ☺️
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my sweet little baby man is no longer with us
#he had his bloodwork done yesterday and the vet said it was fine but he doesnt have much time left#and my bestie is a vet tech who wanted to see the lab results bc she always does and she looked at them#and asked me if she can shiw them to her boss today and i was like sure and immediately knew something was up#today keekki was being himself#then i went to run some errands and when i came back he was laying in front of the front door with his tiny baby head against it#and i was like ''oh ok one of his seizures?''#and theyre like. keekki will drool and not move and they usually last for like 20 minutes (several vets have no idea whats up with those#but it was probably either a kidney or a blood pressure thing)#anyways. it did not pass in 20 minutes so i Knew#i laid on the floor next to him#then my bff sent me a message asking me if i have the time to talk about keekki and its not good news#at this point i was about to call the vet anyways#and she was like ''ok i showed these to my boss (a vet) and she got super angry that ur vet even let you leave the clinic''#bc apparently keekkis bloodwork was so bad he should have been put down then and there but my vet was like a fresh half graduate#so i dont hold it against her. anyways i got an euthanasia appointment for this evening and spent the time before it laying on the couch#crying with keekki in my arms#i had to carry him bc he couldnt really walk without stumbling and falling down#when i had to get up to get his carrier and stuff ready he was taking a nap on the couch where i left him and i took this pic#anyways worst vet visit of my life i could hardly even do anything but nod half the time bc speaking results in me sobbing#anyways. this fucking sucks#i dont know how ill be able to sleep tonight#its been years since i last slept at home without having a little guy plop into my arms#i spent a long time with him in the vet room when he was gone#it feels surreal ive given him his last ever forehead kisses#as i left the room i told him bye the exact same way ive been saying bye to him for the last very many years ive had him#its always moikka keekki before i go to work or the store or literally anything#and that was my last moikka keekki#i hope he felt how loved he was#my dad is sending me older pics of me and keekki and he looks so happy in them. hes always right next to me#idk man im going to stop rambling now
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So just finished the finale and I am emotionally exhausted in the best fucking way. This episode put me through the wringer; the epic highs and lows of football will never compare to the epic highs and lows they pack into 1 episode of dimension 20
#I laughed#I cried#(multiple times)#screaming at my tv#took me over 4 hours to get through this 3 hour episode#I … Need sleep#I have things I want to scream about but don’t know that I’m coherent enough right now to vocalize any of them#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#fantasy high#fhjy#d20
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I'm not super involved in the Nicktoons Unite fandom, but I have been combing through fics and I'm already tried of Danny being portrayed as the big brother/second smartest one instead of what he actually is: a fucking idiot.
#nicktoons unite#danny phantom#danny fenton#i mean this as affectionately as possible btw#if anything JIMMY should be the tired older brother who subsists off of coffee and no sleep#danny and timmy have adhd and probably three brain cells between the two of them#I'm not saying Danny is a dunce#he's passionate about flight and space travel!#but let's be honest — he's 14 in canon. those are passing interests#they're not. like. something he could tell you every single last detail about#source: i am also into aeronautics#second source: i grew up with dp and I'm tired of the dumbass erasure#danny has no thoughts and only has teenage angst when a ghost is manipulating him lol#i know we all want our favs to be cool#but danny is literally just the biggest dork in the world#he's not a gritty 20 year old with 5 o'clock shadow who needs to smoke just to feel something#everyone's entitled to their interpretations obvi but#i think dp fandom has become so far removed from canon at this point that they created a whole new character who just is not danny fenton#and i don't really enjoy it because I always liked danny for the character he HAS not the one i think he should have had instead#this became kind of a tangent and this is probably an unpopular opinion but yeah i just wanted to say my piece#i can't really interact with the dp fandom anymore because they're basically all fans of a made-up show at this point
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trying to plot future clay and branch stuff for b&b but its 3 am and im emo rn
#and also im so bad at writing arguments#i want branch to yell at him but ouh. how. and also will it be in character and make sense etc#hard to plan smth that takes place 20 years in the future man#sketch speaks#trolls b&b au#i need to not stay up but i am struggling w going to sleep at a normal time my usual method is not working#so even if i get in bed at a reasonable time i cant fall asleep until the sun is coming up and it's SO ANNOYING
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screaming into the void <3
#my best friends boyfriend (who i’ve also been friends with for years) is just. not himself rn#we think it’s a manic episode but we don’t really know but it’s. terrifying lowkey#he thinks he’s genuinely jesus and that he’s conquered time and that he and my bsf are adam and eve#he’s been sending my bsf liek hundreds of texts per day since tuesday but it got really really bad and incoherent yesterday#and i woke up this morning to see multiple texts from gcs he created w me in them#and he keeps being like ‘because it’s 6:20 this is true’ and like ‘i know that at 9 pm everyone is gonna understand’#and he’ll text like 5 times then send a sc of what he just texted like that proves something but it’s all nonsense#i’m just really really concerned cause he really needs help but i don’t know how to ensure that happens cause he’s 19. not a minor#he’s just. not him rn. he’s called my bsf multiple times yesterday when he HATES calling normally#he had his band and his mom over in his apartment yesterday cause my bsf called his mom and h went to his bands show but was visibly not ok#and he saw nothing weird about it even tho he hates having ppl over normally and never without warning#and you can’t get him to see logic because everything you say he just twists around to work for him#to be clear it was not this bad when it started. when it started it seemed like normally maybe slightly out there conclusions he was drawing#but it just got worse and worse like exponential decay and really bad yesterday#he also didn’t sleep at all yesterday night and idk if he slept tonight#i know his mom took his phone at one point but he texted me and gcs w me in it starting at like 6:20 this morning#and my bsf and i and friends are on a trip out of state rn but we’re leaving today and i don’t wanna wake her up until i have to because#this is literally hell for her. but it’s just. scary. i don’t know what to do. i don’t think there’s any good options really for me rn#i want to warn ppl and try to explain he’s Not Him rn so they don’t get concerned but who knows if they’ll understand what i’m trying to say#i know it’s not the end of the world but it really feels like the end of my world as i know it if that makes sense#and my bsf lives with him in an apartment near their college and they just signed the lease for the next year#but she can’t stay there with him alone. not until he gets help. we’re all too scared it’s going in the directon where he thinks it’s better#for ppl to go to the afterlife. which like he never would normally. but he’s Not Him and so like. who knows#he keeps talking about all these different dimensions and how you need to travel to the 7th dimension to understand#my bsf was crying yesterday and she called her mom to explain and she keeps saying that she just wants her jake back it’s really scary#cause he will probably never be the same again. he’ll be similar but different but she wants his comfort but he’s Not Him. and can’t give it#i just. really want this to get better but it’s so hard to see that happening rn
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i got two helix piercings done on my left ear today!!!!!! and they look SO GOOD im obsessed!!
#[static]#for years it's been one thing or another that kept me from getting the piercings i wanted (being a flight attendant covid etc.)#but im not getting any younger and i have been wanting these piercings since i was in my early-early 20s#i got 5 or 6 more I want done but i gotta pace them out so that i can actually sleep since im a side sleeper#so i got my left ear done and next spring i'll do the three piercings on my right ear and then my eyebrow & see if i got space for a bridge#went with a buddy who wanted to get the other side of his nose pierced!#pain wasnt bad at all but as someone who tosses and turns in my sleep its gonna be rough not being able to sleep on the other side for awhi
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recent things
#With the heatwave combined with being ill for like an entire week it seems I've lost like 16 days this month#where I basically did barely anything... grrr.... The passage of time... My Enemy...#Now that I can finally hold down food and stuff I'm feeling a little better mostly and my sickness has probably passed. But I still#feel weird a little bit like.. some lingering weakness or something. I think I'm just already having so many Problems at all times even in#my 'Normal' state that whenever I get sick or something my whole system is thrown off for a while lol#I'm supposed to be writing like 2000 words a day still ghbjhb... I've had multiple days of maybe 1000 - 1500. And a lot of days#where I write maybe 20 - 300. I've still been chipping away at the same single quest dialogue for all 20 something#days this month so.. AUGH.. Though that also counts the 16 days I did nearly nothing but be sick and overheated#I finally edited that whole big sims video I wanted to post!!! but now there's an issue with it ... T o T#My fault for still almost exclusively using windows movie maker in 2024 lol.. but HHHHhh.. It's like every once in a while randomly#a fully edited video will not be able to be exported. so evil for this to happen to my first sims build tour in a while. but alas..#ANYWAY... I have been slowly working on little things here and there.. in my little scraps of time.. Wishing to be fully productive at#some point. Maybe I can finally finish and post some things soon. like costume photos or sims videos and etc.#BUT HEY.. that solitaire thing is crazy to me.. I don't think I've ever finished a challenge in under 20 seconds#before. huzzah.. tripeaks squad.. OH.. and an image of#curly tail boye.............. he..... I took him to the vet for a check up and he seems surprisingly okay for a 16 year old. except he has#a mild thyroid issue or something so I'll have to give him medicine. But every time he goes in I'm always expecting them to be like#Sorry. Your Son Is Truly Doomed. or etc. so I'm always shocked when he's fine... a strange boy with many strange behaviors#so I can never tell if he's just Being Weird or if he's sick or soemthing ghjbjh#Also the bad thing about never ending summer heat is that when it IS finally cool for a few days. I don't want to do ANYTHING. It's like wh#n it's hot I feel too sick to do anything. And then when it's cooler I'm like 'OUU the first cool day in WEEKS.. i want to just relax and#fully ENJOY the coolness..'' So it's always constant warfare with my body like.. NO ..we cannot SLEEP. We must utilize this small patch#of Non Heatwave to finally be productive and finish things while we don't feel sick. But then it's like ''ohoho...to lay in the cold air of#the morning restfully.. i shall have a little nap with a blanket on for once.. perhaps.. tee hee'' Always at war with the Tired Sleepy#it seems. AAAANyway...... grr............ slowly finishing things. still usually missing my target writing goals..#Hopefully will have some actual art or costumes or something to post soon. Fumbling through the summer weather as usual lol
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um ive been off my lexapro (10mg) for like a week now because i've felt like it hasn't been doing shit for me since i've started taking it years ago, and i havent had any puking or any noticeable changes? except i'm like so fuckimng angry at everything. is this bc of the meds??? or am i just having an unrelated episode of existing on this planet during current times.
#i'm also like having stupid ass sleep schedule and dont want to sleep until i'm blinking like a lizard. whats happening to me.#i used to be on 20 mg and went down to 10mg for the last almost year now and nothing changed with me so idk
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I really want to write about how actually disturbing pockets death is/ also a bit about Estella and possibly pip because most (normal) people don’t look to much into things like that but I’m autistic so
I might post it on here but I really don’t want a certain group of people to see it
I’ll still write it ofc but I might not publicly post about it if I’m still paranoid
(Off topic but joe looks like a giant compared to pocket even when sitting but it’s just that the sp kids are so short)
#btw the group of people is pro/comshippers#this is something I’ve just noticed in the show and on the official sp website#because a lot of people take their info from the fan wiki#really I’m just gonna write about how both pocket and Estelle are both victims of abuse#just rewatch the episode you’ll know what I mean#but oh my god I don’t want com shippers seeing it and going#oh wow time to romanticise this#enjoy my little rant thingy#btw I’d any other insane people would like to talk about characters from a 20 year old episode I’m free#ALSO..sorry for any typos of if this makes no sense it’s almost 2 am and I can’t sleep
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I think my anger comes from a place of inadequacy, and from not wanting to work on that because it would mean changing some core values of mine.
I understand in theory the set of rules and assumptions society operates under in 2024. I can play my part regardless of what group I'm hanging out with, I can feign interest in ideals I don't share and I can participate in conversations where it's assumed we all agree on the nomenclature.
But I am lost nonetheless. Our cultural base eludes me. People live their lives around meaningless rituals designed to lead to never-ending self-improvement, defined in such a cliché way for the most part that it could easily be swapped by "dowry" - working on talents and habits purely to grow your personal brand, that you can actually market on social media if it pleases you. If you're not doing the same, then you should. We also define and discuss ourselves and our relationships to each other in terms of pop-psychology and the DSM-5, which is reductive and precludes further understandings. Once you bring up either one of these the discussion is closed - the roles are determined and won't change. You say they have avoidant attachment style, and this will inform how you interpret their every move. People will propose a different diagnosis for every behaviour/personality trait/every minor deviation from the "norm" and there's no room for imperfection unless you pathologize it first. It feels increasingly suffocating how individualistic our cultural superstructure is, and how despite what we claim to think, to most of us society is to blame for nothing.
#this got so clear after going a friend's party and being subjected for hours to these people who would talk about nothing but#diets and exercising#and sleeping early and cooking healthy food#there was a most DELICIOUS cake and I swear NOBODY wanted to take pieces back home#claiming they were on a diet#so I brought like half the cake with me#there were around 20 people#anyway perhaps nothing I said is new but I live in 2024 so that's the year I'm talking about
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