#i want to drive a car like that some day
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maggie stiefvater invented soulmatism when she wrote blue and adam being the only ones permitted by their respective lovers to drive said lovers’ Very Special Cars.
#‘i’m giving you this piece of me because i know you’ll take care of it’#‘this is My Thing. to love it is to love me.’#ronan teaching adam to drive stick in the bmw is one of my all time favorite scenes in any book#the beginning of so much#and don’t even get me started on blue driving the pig that’s so badass#i want to drive a car like that some day#i digress#soulmatism!!!!#june’s trc reread#trc#pynch#bluesey
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feelin kinda sad so eating an obscene amount of pasta
#YukiPri rambles#it's nothing serious#just have had a stream of unfortunate disappointments#nothing major and each time i'm like well ok that could have been worse and i'm glad it wasn't#but the cumulative result is just me kinda feeling droopy inside despite trying to continue lookin chipper outside#'wilted' i think is best descriptor for me rn#trying to tell myself that retail therapy isn't the answer here#In case folks are curious#the disappointments are:#1) dad was in a car accident and no one was hurt but gave me a huge scare#2) was given a day off at work in exchange for working a weekend and was looking forward to both#but they asked me last minute nevermind come in instead and i had to cancel all the plans i'd made and couldn't reschedule#3) movie i wanted to see on said day off is no longer playing in local theaters so it's either convince mum to drive an hour or give up#4) had an afternoon tea planned with mum and her friends and was looking forward to it for a month and only eating out this month#had reservations and outfit picked out and everything#but then a few days before landlord scheduled repairs for that day and wouldn't listen when we said we had plans#so i stayed home so mum could go and i'm glad she could go but sad#5) went to work this morning and there'd been a flood in the office from a customer leaving the bathroom sink running#and the torrent of water came down on my desk specifically ruining all of my books/personal stuff#i got reimbursed but it's just really sad bc some of those things were free/gifts that i can't get back and i hate throwing out books#especially ones i never got to read but they were completely drenched through and unsalvageable...#6) had an outing planned this weekend i was really looking forward to but we probably can't go bc weather is bad#i think there were a few others but that's most of the big ones#i am wilted and just want to curl up and not move
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“Why’s he call you Darlin’?”
on my knees begging my brain to stop trying to associate this song with Sam
#(it’s too late guys i’ve already added it to a couple playlists. i can’t help it)#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redacted sam#redacted darlin#rp audio stuff#Seven’s Blorbo Songs#music stuff#i fell down a rabbit hole of music videos on YT last night and decided to give this song a chance based on the title obviously#skipped through all the exposition just to quickly find out if i liked the song or not#and as soon as the first line came in i went head-in-hands at my desk bc i just Knew it was over for me#i hate that i like it#it’s very repetitive and giving strong Modern/Mainstream Pop-Rap-Country vibes#but i’m not too proud to admit that i eat that shit up on occasion#‘You’ve been beatin’ ‘round the bush so much you’re knockin’ off the leaves.’ goes kinda hard tho i’m ngl#‘ole boy in a Ridgeline and i drive a Chevy’ would Sam be a truck elitist? hmm#i doubt it. i see him as too practical-minded to care about brand names and shit like that#like irl i think it’s very silly. and perhaps a little questionable to hate on a ‘foreign’ vehicle. but i don’t even like trucks at all so#insecure country boys and their obsession with big trucks are ruining the road for us regular people that just want a normal ass car#but i’ll stop before i go off on a rant about america’s transportation problems#anyways. i can separate reality from fiction and i love the image of Sam in a beat up beloved old truck. cliché as it may be#getting back on track. my POINT was that the song doesn’t even necessarily fit Sam’s vibes i just. can’t undo the association#been trying to think of a way for it to fit him but that would require Darlin’ to be cheating on him and i don’t like that thought#like i love some types of angst but cheating isn’t one of them#i could view it through the context of being directed at Alexis bc i already hate her lmao but once again it doesn’t fit in canon#and i don’t know how i feel about the thought that he used to call her Darlin’ too. though it’s very possible. mmm angst#not that it has to fit with canon for me to attach a song to a character. certainly not! but i need to make it work in my mind Somehow#and i can’t even come up with a good HC to make this fit. the idea of Jealous!Sam is fun in theory but idk if i’d like it practice anyways#tldr: does this really fit canon Sam? meh. Is it forever tied to him in my mind anyways due to the use of the petname Darlin’? absolutely.#anywho. one of these days i’ll open this app to do something other than vent post or yap abt rp audio blorbos. but that day is not today!
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Had such a Day. Idk what's making me approachable to everyone but I need to stop doing it
#when every man in the world either needs help with something or wants me to go somewhere with him#my coworker who i do like but my god today is not the day also came over to my car & started talking to me on lunch break#you see me curled up in period pain like. brooooooo. brooooooooooo#when i'm in my own car in the lot curled into a fetal position i'm coping with some things right.#spaghetti man came to work against doctor's orders just post skin graft for a flesh eating parasite?????#then asked me to drive him home????#i venmoed him a 20 you are not getting in my car with that!!!#call an uber i cannot#mike asked me for my number while i was sitting in my car trying to text kris about a spider they found#some other dude asked me for gas while i was at the cvs trying to get heating pads because. my boss told me the wrong time to come in#so i had time to go to cvs after all but i helped this guy get gas which is fine we all need gas whatever#but when it's like 4 people trying to hold conversations with me about things they want or need in a row#do i look like i have the answers today???? i'm pretty sure i look like i've died#anyway. anyway.
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B&W
#*smashes my car thru the window of the convenience store u live in* hi i found an hour last night to draw#im taking a defensive driving course rn for insurance sry for the intro i thought it was topical and hilarious#it's their AESTHETICS dammit!!! ive wanted to draw something of silver silh in white bleeding out of a black shadow for AGESSSS#for AGES the PAGES#i just love some fuckign tasty contrast i love a tasty comp. i saw a b/w piece collection a few days ago and it re-sparked the need for this#cant describe it but silver looks like a ballerina. hes so fuckign cool#twst#twisted wonderland#twst spoilers#?? i guess? its malleus in OB form ig sure why not#malleus draconia#twst silver#silver vanrouge#suntails#i rly did have good taste picking my two fav chars huh#its the only opportunity in this game to show the story's hero w the story's villain (not counting neige bc we know so little abt rsa shit)
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Im so mentally ill right now pls hand me my vitamin d pills i need to be fixed, i haven't felt sunlight upon my skin for a week and it's raining over the snow so it's all sloppy and slippery and dark out so i can't go anywhere without getting my feet soaked and my inlaws are asking me what i want for christmas like specifically which means i have to share my interests but i don't want to be perceived right now because I'm feeling the winter paranoia/madness and also i had to take the trashcan out yesterday and faceplanted in the snow and my glasses are all scratched up so i think im going to need new ones and if i want to go ANYWHERE i need to defrost my fucking car on the daily and i hate it. I hate winter i HATE IT. And i have an exam on friday as well as work and a christmas party to attend. I need to move to the forest and become one with nature, just leave society behind and live like Isak in Growth of the soil even though i fucking hate Knut Hansun, that nazi bitch.
#the only thing i have the energy for is apparently scouring ao3 for fics to read through my very specific search methods#and im reading stuff im NOT proud of at all (very cringe) so no im not giving any fic recs#i need the sun please god i miss the sun sooo much give it back aaaaaa#me in the summer: i miss it being dark at night i miss sleeping#me in the winter: i have deficiencies summer me could never understand#why did my ancestors (my danish grandmother and grandfather from bergen) decide to settle in the mental torture part of norway#i need to LEAVE im going INSANE i don't want to live like this#every season is its own kind of hell‚ the only semi good one is autumn and it's usually too short anyway‚ but if it's too long#it's as bad as winter because it gets dark without the snow to bring some kind of light to the day so you're just depressed#and then it gets icy but there's no snow so your car gets zero (NIL) grip on the road and then ur life flashes before ur eyes#abd spring gives you allergies and a low sun so you can't wven drive comfortably#and summer is too hot and it's bright all the time and like. it's FINE. im used to it. i just put up some decent curtains.#but it's disorienting and my internal clock is always completely and utterly fucked.#and i know im raving like a madman right now but i slept for like 13 hours and i have the mental clarity to know im going a little crazy#and i just need to get it out of my system
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wild to me that it takes hours for people in the usa to vote. it's never taken me more than 10 minutes and that's including the inevitable chit chat with the people there because they're either my parents' neighbours or the parents of people i went to school with.
#literally have your voting card and some kind of id ready#if you don't have your voting car then you just have to look up what desk you're supposed to go to usually it's split alphabetically so#for albonium it would be desk 1#get there give id (either my id my passport my social security card my driving license or a hunting permit (💀))))))))#pick up the little papers and an envelop#get in the booth#put the little paper in the envelop#that's if you haven't done it at home already#get out#put it in the box#the person there says “ HAS VOTED”#you sign next to your name#take your id#and fuck off#before your cousin's neighbours' grandma asks how your aunt is doing and if you've heard about the bakery being closed because the baker's#wife cheated on him and now he's got to take care of the kids and aetstdfhgfsgjgthj#you get what i mean#10 minutes tops#even in big cities#also it's always by paper like this if you want you can vote for someone else but you have to file papers at the police station#people empty the boxes and count them all together#if you want you're allowed to stay and watch as they count#or you can ask beforehand to participate in the counting#kids are automatically signed up on the voting lists when they turn 18 if they've done their mandatory 'defense and citizenship" day#ok this one is kind of propaganda-y for the army the cops etc but at the same time it allows to test the entire population to see if they'r#illeterate (there's grammar spelling etc tests)#do some driving rules lessons#cpr training#reminder about blood donations etc#which imo is important
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imagine telling me "you're responsible for getting yourself to appointments from now on" and getting angry when I'm responsible and find a way to get myself to my appointment on my own
#i dont even have a car and i found a way#because i am kind to people#and willing to pay gas money#and not ashamed to ask#like somebody i know#...#ugh#“youre responsible for getting yourself to appointments from now on”#“i cant book that day off work cause i dont want to ask for too much time off”#“what if i work that day?”#*goes and finds a different arrangement*#“actually i can book that day off!”#“i should really be the one to drive you..”#real quote;#“that consultation will cover some serious things. that is why i should be there sweety”#more serious than me thinking im gonna die cause of celiac???#more serious than our car about to die if we drive it into the wrong pothole??#i have wanted this for 5 years.#i am fine.#it will be fine. you may not be fine but i will be#jesus christ#vent post#narcissist parent
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Happy Birthday @cashweasel beloved, have a soft kiyazan non confession confession, love you and these two idiots sm and I hope your day was amazing
#my art#kiyazan#oc: Kiara#Yazan Hadidi#certified blorbo in law#i had to beat art with a stick for the whole day over this but I love them sm#what the fuck even is night time lighting i dont know i put all my eggs into the golden hour basket#anyway#kiara is 100000% feeling jus a bit nervous#tapping her fingers nd resting her head on her knees ab it#but i mean how else do u react to someone you love but haven’t really told reading your feelings right next to you FDFFSDF#reading ur feelings in a letter where btw u still don’t explicitly confess#shes still v :heart eyes: tho#she cant help it#i thought ab living yazan some mirror dice FDSFSDFDS but also it would make more sense if this was her car considering birthday surprise#shes just passenger princess for the ride back lol#she deserves a break from driving i dunno#anyway i considered the dice then i was like well I want it to be a gift from someone bc OBviously and so i didnt put one#OMG it should be from Karima jus sayin#maybe she doesnt have it yet#ok jus imagine the fuzzy mirror dice XD#anyway happy birthday bestie#i know its not the day of for u anymore but I wanted it to be pretty for u
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...
#hm. im in limbo. but at least i can draw again at last. ive never spent so long not wanting to draw. it was terrible#my job search lasted 4 days before i secured a position at target but i dont start until the 26th so im drifting until then#it feels so weird. like i dunno. i keep thinking abt jobs in a weird way now bc i just sorta drifted into what i do#weird academic stuff but i think most jobs arent like being a grad student and that never really occured to me#i dunno why. i could have done so many things but here i am. an ecologist mostly. i dunno. well see what the summer brings#maybe ill grow some social skills. its sorta weird but like the medication has made my head less terrible with intrusive thoughts. like i#can actually drive my car without hyperventilating which is fucking wild. so Maybe ill grow some confidence abt interacting with the world#going back in the fall still seems impossible rn but so does starting a job somewhere else. but i dunno#not where i expected to be in my life. im just lucky i dont have to worry much abt money#especially bc i got an ultrasound done so they cold make sure something wasnt wrong with my uterus#and its fine. guess it just hates me but that means i spent like 350 dollars for a 10min scan that showed nothing#ay. the us medical system#anyway. i guess ill continue drifting until the 26th#probably i should find something to do. or work on my old unpublished data#unrelated
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Saturday podcast but it's just them yapping in a car sitting in ways that cars are not supposed to be sat in and eating fast food during it. That is all
#im really in my “you gotta come looking for my rambles” era#but anyways#this comes from a couple different places in my brain kitchen#first one being Zach being the only one to drive#so bro has a car that he just leaves at his moms place and rives it when they do shows in Portland#(they also crash at his moms place instead of hotels (double parentesies this is all post cannon))#so then like on their first tour after cutting ties with Galactic the boys are in the fucking trenches emotionally#then theyre like “fuck it its time for a lil treat” after a particularly emotionally draining and stressful day#so they go to like dairy queen or something for ice cream and just drive to some random secluded esque location#then cause fuck it why not they set up a camera off someones phone and just yap and nom#like they just yap about anything and everything for like 2 hours#then its edited and put on youtube for the saturdays to eat that shit up with a fork and knife#(this is why we contain the rambles to the tags i can yap making as little sence as i want down here)#if this gets out#itgo#zach knight#ruben montez#angel phan#jon braxton
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Made it home safe 👍
Today is not a good day.
#speculation nation#negative/#not bc of me making it home safe. but bc it was even such a question.#having it snow literally 2 days after buying my car was Not what i wanted to happen.#i stopped by the store tho to pick up some car stuff. including a scraper. and ended up getting a few other things.#have to finish up my data governance shit. still have to email my other professor.#i have dnd in 2 hours and i feel like such a miserable sod idk how im supposed to. do that.#i'll try. but it's also cutting it close with everything else too...#idfk. i might message i'll be a little late if my presentation stuff takes too long. idk.#in general tho my nerves are shot and im still upset about earlier.#stressed from school and the stress raised thru the Roof at my first fucking day of driving in snow.#i hate winter. i hate winter i hate winter i hate winter SO fucking much#not even xmas is enough to make winter worth it to me anymore. i barely even like christmas anymore.#which is particularly upsetting considering how much i used to love it#also god DAMN IT i couldve gotten egg nog while i was there 😭😭😭 i literally passed thru the milk isle 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#oh fuckin well. i'll get it another time.#for now... i need to focus on schoolwork. this is due Tonight.
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hey scout!
not sure if I'm remembering this correctly, but you moved to another state somewhat recently right? I was wondering what that process was like and how you did it. I'm in a red state and really want to go to a blue one. But I'm just unsure of how to even go about it since I don't have a remote job. Any tips would be appreciated, thank you!!!
You are remembering correctly! I moved in with az (@/haruchiyos) in June of 2023. HOWEVER, I moved from a blue state in New England to a Red state in the midwest.... so the opposite direction. Tho I will say I live in a very blue area, which was kinda blinding this election season since I was like 'wow yeah its so liberal here' I forgot about the rest of the state briefly.
However, I will tell you in the 26 years of my life I have lived in 4 different states, and moved cross country 4 times :') most of these moves were not planned. when I moved to my current state it was like 3 days notice and when I moved I thought I was coming back lol (ill put those details in the tags). ANYWAYS, you'll have the benefit of... planning lmao. I'd start with looking at jobs first, and community is important. if you know someone in a blue state that lives in a city you like, I'd recommend making a visit. it would also be easier if you have a place to stay for a bit, and someone who can look at places to live for you.
the benefit of working at a major company also comes to play here, especially if you can transfer stores/offices/ etc and look for jobs. you might also have the benefit of a degree, which could make finding/switching jobs a bit easier (when I moved, I only had az. no degree, no license. it took a month for me to find a job, but I also hadn't worked in 3 years which added to the struggle. I worked for the last year at a grocery store chain, then briefly as a barista, before moving into a healthcare role which is nice and im finally in a type of job where I feel like im not at a deadend lol). Remote jobs can definitely help, but tbh remote jobs are so hard to get and very oversaturated. everyone wants one, making it harder to get one. (one of my friends WFH, and their rec is to apply directly on job sites for it instead of ziprecruiter/indeed/etc, since a lot of them are scams)
Look into subreddits for your city of choice, find what people like about it. ask questions!! ask about cost of living, safer parts of town, what's hiring. my city's subreddit has so many posts like that. if you have the stomach for it, look into working for the government offices/ city offices/ state offices in that city. the benefits you'll get are great and they tend to start much higher than minimum wage.
for friends, try Bumble friends ! look on Facebook for meet up groups. community is so important, now more than ever (which is why I recommended moving to a city where you know someone).
for states, California and New York are what come to mind for very blue states. Northern California is gorgeous and I loved living in New York. NY is where I'd consider home and I still get very homesick thinking about it sometimes. I think Vermont in particular was one of the most gorgeous states ive ever visited and the people were very friendly!!!! like unnervingly friendly idk maybe it was the proximity to Canada lol. Ive been talking to my partner lightly about moving out of this state once they finish college in a year and a half, and I mentioned moving back to New England area in general.
anyways, this feels all over the place!! I hope this helps and as always, im here if anyone has any questions!!!
#when my ex and I broke up it was 2 months before we got married. he was my high school sweetheart and we were together for 9 years.#I told him I wasn't sure of marriage and wanted a month break. he left the house for 3 days while az was getting ready to get me. it was#only supposed to be a temporary break to figure out what we wanted to do but he broke up with me on the car ride (I do not drive. him and a#were meeting halfway to drop me off) he wanted someone who was sure that wanted to marry him (fair) and broke up with me instead of giving#me the space I asked for... but whatever it worked out for the best anyways. he's happy now and so am I!!! I still follow his sister on IG#and he smiles in photos with his gf now (unlike what he did with me)! I also had been to my current city plenty of times to see az so I was#pretty familiar with where I was going so it wasn't brand new to me :')#and yeah some people don't consider NY to be New England but for my purposes im grouping it sue me#— anon#— asks#side note a lot of people are talking about moving out the country and like yeah America has its problems but I do love being an American#I love being so friendly people from other countries would spot im an American. I love living in a country so big so many other cultures ar#packed into it. I love holding the door open for people and saying please and thank you to strangers
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I know it's Ryousuke but I genuinely thought it was a woman there for a hot second
#rewatching initial d now i live in gunma and lemme tell ya its an experience#very much a hey i know that! now ���🤣🤣#even if I'm down in Takasaki and not in Shibukawa or Maebashi#tho apparently the hospital is in takasaki which surprised me cause i misremembered that bit#was gonna go to akagi for the first time this weekend to see leaves but heard it might be better to wait still#so putting it on hold#but E is thinking doing a day at Haruna (up the ropeway which i haven't done) then Akagi#hit the two big ones#ALSO WE DROVE BY THE KANAMESHI SIGN AND I LOST MY MIND#one of those things i didn't expect to still be there but is#we were headed to karuizawa and saw some great waterfalls tho the leaves were only just starting to turn#and on the way back i noticed they did have a 86 & a sileighty under it and i tried to get a pic but my phone didn't focus in time 😭#will have to go back when i have my license#Wanted to do usui pass even if we were in E's kei car but it was closed#will have to go back obviously#anyways fuck do i love living in Gunma like genuinely perfect place for me#I honestly think I could live in Takasaki for the rest of my life which is kinda bonkers#anyways come to gunma we got great onsen beautiful nature no tourists and lots of fun roads to drive#(i actually kinda recommend avoiding the initial d ones cause some have preventive measures now and others are well....#crowded 🤣)#Anyways theyre still fun but with all our mountains we have so many more#wow long tag post
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I did something completely out of my comfort zone and I lived!
#Wasn’t prepared for freeway driving at all but I surprisingly didn’t screw myself or the person following me over#now that I have Siri hooked up to the car stereo that is#Also nothing quite like being on high alert all day to give you a tension headache#But fortunately for me it wasn’t warranted because if anyone wanted to like chop me up and put me in a freezer they would have#But I’m talking to you now and I’m obviously not dead so woohoo#Don’t worry I never go into anything unprepared. And I’m the most resourceful person I know other than my father#Who does not surpass me but equals me#But yeah they’re actually nice and neurodivergently-honest and not trying to love bomb me so far as I can tell#Because I was getting “this is weird” vibes but never the “don’t do this you’re gonna die” feeling#And they’re quite obviously auDHD so I crunched some numbers based on observable behavior and determined#much of the bubbly “too much” behavior was coming from that#but I was unaccustomed to it because I’m on the polar opposite end of the DSM for ADHD (unsure of autism)#and am less likely to recognize behaviors I don’t engage in as being a symptom of neurodivergence#If that makes any sense at all#Like I’m heavily heavily introverted and quiet and soft-spoken and never initiate friendly physical contact with anyone while talking#I’m very reserved with people I don’t know and am in possession of the most blunted affect known to man and don’t reveal my hand#Ever#So seeing someone engage in the opposite of those behaviors to a degree that isn’t normal with me made me take a step or two back#because my sensory/social/trauma issues are opposed to those kind of things#So I prepared just in case my assessment of them was incorrect but everything turned out fine.#I may be extremely introverted and socially awkward (or at least I feel like I am)#but I make up for it by being able to read shrimp social cues— social cues you didn’t even know existed#(And I also project the vibe of “I have eyes in the back of my head” which makes me kind of scary for someone as slight as I am)#But yeah I’m grateful to have met them and that they’re nice#It sounds like I don’t like them but I swear I do. The circumstances of the journey made me more apprehensive than the person themself
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~ ~ ~
#my dad is starting shit with me again and just continuing fights and bringing up shit that has nothing to do with anything#and even when I try to calm the situation he just gets worse and keeps berating me#I want to get out of the house but my partner hasn’t talked to me all day or even checked our message chat#so I don’t want to bother them or just show up without them saying it’s ok#not that they’d have much problem with it probably but if they don’t acknowledge it I don’t want to startle them or something#and idk what if they are mad at me and that’s why they haven’t talked to me today? or if they’re having a bad day too?#they’re not gonna want to deal with my bullshit if they’re not having a good day either#so that’s another problem to contend with#and I’m also really tired and fatigued already because of some recent health issues and just packing my go bag is wearing me out a bit#I don’t really want to pack up the whole car and drive an hour to their house after midnight when I’m already not doing great#so I know I should just stay in my room and get some distance or do my own thing until I fall asleep#but God I just don’t want to be here anymore#tbh I do kinda wanna be dead and I wish I could do something about that#idk if I’m fully suicidal or anything but it’s like… I want to make my dad see how much he needs me and I want to get a fucking break#I want someone to take care of me and worry about me for once instead of giving up everything to him#I wish I killed my self at 16 like I wanted to so I wouldn’t have ever had to deal with any of this bullshit#I sort of wish I could kill myself now just to be done with all of this#but suicide takes too much planning and hassle these days so what’s the point anyway#I guess I’m just depressed and lonely and all that#I’m sure I’ll be fine in the morning#but right now I just really wish I had someone to talk to and cry on and tell me it’ll all get better soon#personal
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