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rainbowsky · 3 years

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Final round-up of fan fic asks

I've gotten a few more interesting responses to the fan fic discussion so I'm going to round them all up here. This will be my final post on the topic until/unless there's a dramatic new development, or a particularly notable response I want to highlight. Thanks to everyone who brought their thoughts and experiences to the topic. I hope everyone at least feels heard.

The biggest piece of advice that I would like to offer is for everyone to focus on what they love rather than what they hate. If we all did that, the world would be a better place. Alongside that, I'd like to remind everyone to please support authors whose work you like. It's so important. Give them a kudos, give them a nice comment, recommend their work to others. You never know what kind of grief and harassment they are dealing with to bring you these great stories, and our support means a lot.

This is in reference to previous posts here and here.

Anonymous asked:

With regard to fandom and fan fic issue, my years of experience being part of very large fandoms has led me to believe that big accounts are v important in facilitating and enforcing the general consensus of the whole fandom. Unless there will be big accs who'll remind everyone of being respectful & just not being a dick over other's preferences, nothing will change.

This is also the reason why I think certain solo fandoms have adapted weird and twisted narratives as their general fandom story because no big acc has tried to police them & and say hey pls be rational. Whether we like it or not, in a place where how far voices, ideas, tweets, posts get heard is based on the number of followers you have, big accs will have the power and influence in creating/curating/shifting the narratives.

So, if you want to know why your/our fandom thinks like this in general, look at what big accs are tweeting/posting, look at what ideas & values they follow, look at their preferences or how strongly they react to certain situations. it's taxing and toxic for big accs given the nature of social media these days, but it's also the reality of system, the more followers/audience you have, the more influence you will have.

So to anyone reading this I hope we all practice more restraint and reflection before we post anything. Remember that words, no matter what medium you write it in, will always carry weight.

So true. It is easy - even for myself who spends a fair chunk of time answering people's asks - to forget that people can sometimes be impressionable and what we say can influence people whether that's our intent or not. I get used to thinking of myself as a regular guy just doing my own thing when sometimes my thoughts and words go well beyond where I initially posted them.

I think it's important for us to be careful what we say, and it's equally important to be careful what we take from what other people say. Especially when it comes to big claims. Always get a second, third, fourth opinion and don't be afraid to ask for clarification if something doesn't sit right or sounds confusing.

It's also important to reflect on how our words and actions might affect other people's experience of fandom, and err on the side of 'live and let live' wherever possible. It's great to have our own preferences and to champion them, but we should try to do so in a way that leaves space for other people and perspectives.

The more unique perspectives and the more friendly, open dialog there is, the healthier the community will be as a whole.

There's nothing wrong with encouraging and guiding growth in the particular areas we are interested in, as long as it doesn't step on, oppress or attack those who are peacefully enjoying something different.

Anonymous 2 asked: bjyx fans attacking gdgdbaby for including zsww/lsfy dynamics in an event named bjyx then turning right around and attacking the zsww/lsfy event organizer for excluding bjyx? god, can you hear my facepalm and sigh of resignation and incredulity from over there? im genuinely not surprised that they're trying to drive an entire part of the fandom out by disgusting them (and me) with these immature tactics. i believe what im about to say next will sound quite bait-y and i respect your decision 1/?

should you choose not to post this. but i do know that it is not only me, in fact there are many out there, that is of this opinion. we just dont talk about it on twitter to avoid the potential mess it will bring lol. okay, here goes nothing. (do note that im talking about the majority here, not every single person is like this) so bjyx fans tend to be cishet females whereas zsww/lsfy fans are more diverse in terms of age and gender, and most of them are part of the queer community too 2/?

i would like to clarify that most of these zsww/lsfy fans are not dynamic exclusive (in the sense that they are friendly and interact with all ggdd fans) they just prefer to "identify" themselves as zsww/lsfy fans (on twitter specifically) just to form a distinction from bjyx fans who mostly are dynamic exclusive (as in; they do not consume non-bjyx content, and straightup refuse to interact with non-bjyx fans, often blocking them). as a result, id say that the zsww/lsfy communiy is way more 3/?

mature and respectful (after all, they're mostly queer people talking about a queer ship) whereas many problems in this fandom, such as the homophobia, adamantly insisting on "drawing lines" between dynamics, stem from the bjyx exclusive fans, comprised of cishet females who "may not know better". so, it is of no surprise to me that they're resorting to these immature tactics of calling gg unsavory names, and organizing retaliatory events with controversial topics in an attempt to "purify". 4/4

I trust that you have arrived at that theory through your own experience and observation. I haven't personally spent much time immersed in this stuff so I can't claim to have any real insight or expertise. If you say that's your experience of it, then at the very least that's how you've seen things up to this point.

I just want to say that I think we should always be careful about making assumptions about people's age, gender/gender identity, etc.

There are plenty of good reasons to avoid doing that; because those assumptions could be very wrong, because those assumptions are often laced with ageism, sexism, etc., because those assumptions - even when correct - might not be an accurate basis for the conclusions we draw.

But the primary reason I recommend avoiding those type of assumptions is because anything that enables us to clump a group of people together in our minds like that will tend to make them easier to demonize and dehumanize. They are no longer individuals who are each responsible for their own unique perspectives, they are now 'the X group' who is known for 'A B C series of easily attackable ideas or behaviors'.

If we attribute undesirable traits and behaviors to a group of people we feel opposed to in some way, that makes us feel more righteous and justified in behaving unfairly toward them, dismissing their humanity and warring with them. It's just risky behavior to engage in, even when it's well-intentioned.

There might actually be some truth to what you're saying. It could very well be that most of these people are young, inexperienced, heteronormative, etc. but if that's the case then we should try to use those traits to better understand and empathize rather than to better dismiss and discredit.

Just my two cents on that.

It can be really frustrating dealing with what feels like other people attacking us, trying to oppress us, etc. - especially when there are more of them than there are of us. In my experience the best solutions to that sort of problem are generally the ones that focus on what we are doing and want to do rather than what they are doing that we don't want them to do.

As I am always preaching, we can't control what other people say, do or think. The only thing we have any control over is what we say, do and think (and how we respond to what they say, do and think).

I have found in my experience that the moment I step out of a conflict mindset and instead step into a problem-solving mindset, everything starts to come together. I feel better, my outlook is more positive, I can begin to see solutions and allies rather than problems and enemies, and most of all, I become more focused on what I am doing than what others are doing.

So I would recommend everyone who is invested in resolving these conflicts focus on that. "How can we best showcase and encourage the types of stories we enjoy?" instead of "How can we stop these other people from doing things we dislike?"

Anonymous 3 asked:

Hello again! It’s anon #3 from the fanfic post. I really do appreciate reading your thoughts on various issues like this, so thank you for always taking time to write in depth. As for supporting without going to war, the simplest way has always been to just show appreciation for the creators, hype them up. Kudos are the easiest way on ao3 but comments in addition are great. This goes for all content—art, fics, vids..etc. Creators love to see and read how people react to their content. Sharing is also great, fic recs are very helpful, just be cautious with art and reposting though. Hope this helps a bit!

Thanks so much, Anon. I think this is excellent advice. And it's true that appreciation is great, but helping to expand the audience is also great. Recommending stories, pointing people to the pages/websites of artists we like (as opposed to reposting), sharing our own ideas and approaches, encouraging people to try new things... all of this helps build healthier communities.

And here's another one: WRITE! DRAW! CREATE!

I urge anyone with creative interests or talents to bring their voices to the community because we all can benefit from hearing from you.

Thanks again everyone for sharing your thoughts on this issue. I hope that over time we can all work in positive ways to improve the situation.

I think this subject has been well-covered now so I'm going to retire it for the time being. If anyone still feels they want to discuss it further please feel free to message me privately. Thanks.

#fan fiction #fandom reflections #ask

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ineedhelpdotorg · 4 years

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Another thing I would like to speak about this is my opinion I don’t want to talk over other trans people or the community I’m not speaking for the community as a whole this is just my personal opinion and I would like to state that I respect you and please respect my opinion and the opinions of others. Thank you. Here are some topics brought up that I’ve seen and I want to jsut state and voice my opinion if I offend you in any ways your are free to scroll. I value your opinions your thoughts but please be mindful and respectful of others.

THIS IS HELLA LONG BTW SORRY IN ADVANCE

(But please read the whole thing you don’t have to if you don’t want to)

1. "The vast majority of the individuals who have been examining this are cis, which is an issue first thing"

It truly isn't, there is no issue with this. There's nothing amiss with cishets imparting their insight, since anyone can have an assessment on anything. I see what your saying in some cases the don’t but as you saw on my other post they do in some events and cases the have a freedom to voice there opinions though.

2. I still can't seem to see a 'genderbent' rendition of a male character who needed bosoms and a dfab body. This is the first and most clear motivation behind why 'genderbending' is innately transphobic - it accepts that actual characteristics and sex are something very similar, and that you can't be female without additionally being dfab. (I will say AFAB)

Indeed, more often than not genderbent characters are not given characteristics and such generalizations. In any case, what's the issue with that? There's no issue playing into generalizations. You presently can't seem to see a genderbent adaptation of a male character who needed bosoms and is AFAB. That is narrative, and individual stories can't be acknowledged as obvious proof. Regarding why, the banner appears to introduce their conviction of actuality, when it clearly isn't. There's a lot of male genderbend characters (genderbent to be female) who do need bosoms, yet for what reason would it be advisable for it to significantly matter? Generalizations or not, there ought to be no issue here.

"It expects that actual attributes and sex are something very similar, and that you can't be female without likewise being AFAB." This is indeed another supposition, not a reality. Actual characteristics in sexual orientation are not something very similar, but rather it plays into the reality and generalization that actual attributes in sex jobs/sex generalizations are something very similar, to which they (as a rule) can be. You can be female without likewise being afab, and (expressed by and by) there are numerous characters out there that are trans and were being genderbent (tragically, however we shouldn't actually genderbend trans characters since it eradicates their sexual orientation except if when they're genderbent they're as yet trans, the exact inverse way.) and you could discover numerous trans characters being genderbent or such in games, manga, and media by and large.

3. "This is cissexism, and this is transphobic. The message that 'genderbending' says is that you should have bosoms and a v/gina to be female, and you should have a penis and a level chest to be male. I ought not need to clarify why that message is transphobic."

This isn't cissexism. The genuine meaning of cissexism: "Cis-sex-ism. Noun. Prejudice or discrimination against transgender people.” Stop twisting word’s definitions to fit your appeal and opinion. Stop believing threads such as this when they can’t even use the original definition properly. Genderbending is as simple as twisting someone’s gender so they fit into the stereotype. (a majority of the time, at least.) Biological genitalia are biological genitalia. Gender is defined by your brain, but we obviously cannot show that fact if there was a genderbend, because humans brains quite obviously do not show outside of the skull.

4. “The way 'genderbends' are completed likewise has unmistakably transphobic suggestions by they way it changes out the actual attributes of characters to make them 'the contrary sex' (The notion of there being ‘opposite genders’ is some fresh bullshit that I’ll cover later in this post) For instance, by giving a male character curves and breast’s while 'genderbending' him, the message is evident that this character was cis regardless."

This is being made way deeper than the notion actually is. Switching out physical traits to play into gender roles and gender stereotypes is not bullshit whatsoever. Giving a male character breasts and curves is as simple as what the action actually is. Genderbending, nothing more, nothing less. Nobody is actually reading into how detailed this is besides the original poster. But my issue is, what’s wrong with the message that the character is cis? Is there something wrong with cis people or there being cis characters? Trans people can still fit into these categories, and assuming trans people look different from cis people (whether in fiction or not) is transphobic, not characters fitting into the ‘cis’ category in your opinion. Once again, there is the assumption that the character was cis to begin with (unless the character has been stated on their wiki or in canon to be cis, to which most aren’t usually.

5. "'Genderbending' naturally infers that all characters are cisgender of course, and deletes any chance of these characters being trans. this isn't as plainly transphobic as the main point, yet it is hurtful to trans individuals inside being a fan spaces, as the presumption that all characters are cis until unequivocally expressed in any case pushes us out of media and eliminates whatever portrayal we may attempt to make for ourselves. "

Genderbending doesn't suggest anything, the first banner (and rebloggers) are indeed assuming. This obliges the hurried suspicion false notion, which is a coherent error that shows when a argument I’dbadly made. Genderbending doesn't suggest that all characters are cisgender as a matter, however it infers that the individual who composed this accepts so. There are cis looking trans individuals, and there are so to state, "trans looking" cis individuals. It doesn't eradicate any chance, in light of the fact that there can even now be trans individuals with genderbends, just as the way that there is trans genderbends out there. (despite the fact that it's avoided upon, obviously) It isn't unsafe to anybody at all, considering genderbends are quite often for no particular reason or investigation, there is no supposition that all characters are cis until expressed something else. (also, regardless of whether there is, the thing that's the mischief in that. there's no damage in having cis individuals not be expressed and trans individuals being expressed, on the grounds that cis individuals are the greater part.) It doesn't eliminate any portrayal at all, and I'd prefer to check whether operation really had any sources identifying with that, considering this has no sources at all and explicitly lies on striking allegations and suspicions.

6. "The third issue with 'genderbending' is that it is reliably cis male and cis female, and that is it. I have never seen people 'genderbend' characters by making them nonbinary or intersex. I have never seen a genderbend of a female character which made her a trans male in light of everything. 'Genderbending' proposes that there are only two choices concerning sex: cis male and cis female. There is nothing of the sort as nonbinary individuals inside this philosophy. Intersex individuals are bizarre, best case scenario. Agender individuals are minimal better than a far off fantasy."

Prior to anything: Agender doesn't exist. Non binary isn't actually viewed as a gender what I am saying is Non-binary is not technically considered a gender Non-binary (also spelled nonbinary) or genderqueer is a spectrum of gender identities that are not exclusively masculine or feminine‍—‌identities that are outside the gender binary and there is no “opposite” to genderbend a non-binary person there is no "inverse" to genderbend a non-paired individual. In the event that somebody endeavored to "genderbend" a non-binary individual to a male or female, individuals would get vexed regardless of what they wanted. There is indeed, nothing amiss with male and female genderbends. YOU (conversing with operation and the individuals who concur) continue expecting that they're cis, which is more transphobic than what you guarantee is transphobic. You can't "genderbend" a non-binary nor intersex character, or it would be designated "transphobic" or "eradicating their personality" to which it's definitely not. You could ensure that something contrary to non-parallel is intersex (since individuals who are intersex are hermaphrodites, brought into the world with both genetalia logically) however that would likewise recieve more disdain. It doesn't infer anything, and without fail, you expect that a character is cis. For all you know, they could be stealth trans, or openly trans but you never looked at their wiki; or they could not have their gender specified on the wiki or in canon. Agender does exist what I am saying is the gender your trying to portray or the norms when you look it up Some people's gender changes over time. People whose gender is not male or female use many different terms to describe themselves, with non-binary being one of the most common. Other terms include genderqueer, agender, bigender, and more this is. That is what I am saying in that area that people don’t identify as any gender as he/she or some are fluid. yes you could do “opposite” to genderbend a non-binary person. But if someone attempted to “genderbend” a non-binary person to a male or female, people would get upset despite it being what they wanted. But that would be transphobic and defeating the purpose of there identity as a whole. Sorry some of my Japanese was switched out and there are some words do not exist in English I apologize if anyone got offended. Yes you can genderbending a cis male/female to a non-binary individual but that wouldn’t be called genderbending would it?

7. “‘Genderbending’ ignores that it is impossible to make a character ‘the opposite gender’, because there is no such thing as an ‘opposite gender’. Gender is a spectrum, not a binary, but you wouldn’t know that from the way fandom spaces treat it.”

Gender is binary, however binary doesn't mean two. Gender is chosen in the brain. It IS difficult to make a character that is non-binary or intersex the contrary sex on the grounds that there is no opposite gender of non-binarynor intersex, at any rate in the event that you would prefer not to be called transphobic or more. You can make a cis individual a non-binary person but that wouldn’t be called genderbending?? The frigidity of genderbending is when a character's gender is changed. Usually in fanfictions or fanart. The name should be changed since it is heavily confusing since genderbending also means in other definitions gender bending is sometimes a form of social activism undertaken to destroy rigid gender roles and defy sex-role stereotypes, notably in cases where the gender-nonconforming person finds these roles oppressive.

8. “Of course, there are some reasons for ‘genderbending’ cis male characters into cis females that will always get brought up in discussions on the politics of ‘genderbending.’ The most frequent is that cis girls, who only see themselves as one-dimensional characters in media, want to have characters like them who are just as multifaceted and developed as the male characters that we are given, so they make their male faves female to give themselves the representation they desire. This is a decent reason for ‘genderbending’, but it does not excuse the fact that the way in which ‘genderbending’ is done is inherently transphobic, and it gives fans yet another excuse to ignore female characters in favor of focusing on their male faves.” This whole spot I shouldn’t even have to explain. This is once again being read into way too much, there is no ‘politics’ of genderbending. There is just genderbending, plain and simple. Cis girls can want to see stuff in genderbending, as can cis guys when they genderbend a female character male to see how they’d react and such. Genderbending has no politics, besides that it’s “transphobic” to some.

9. “Another reason for ‘genderbending’ that I’ve heard is ‘it’s for the sake of character exploration - like, what if this character had been born as male/female instead?’ This excuse is cissexist and transphobic from first blush. The idea behind it is that someone ‘born as female’, aka with breasts/vagina will automatically be a cis female, allowing fans to explore what that character’s life would have been like if they were female. Why not explore the possibility of a character being designated female at birth, but still identifying as male? Why do you need a character to be cis for you to find their personality and life interesting to explore? Why do you automatically reject the notion of your fave being trans? If you want to explore what it would have been like for your male fave to have struggled with sexism, consider them being a trans woman, or a closeted afab trans person.”

Yes, character exploration. It’s not cissexist nor transphobic. Whether the character was genderbent cis or trans, it’s not about their genetalia to ‘explore’ the character, but that’s just what you thought it was. Character exploration in this case as in “How will people treat them differently due to possible sexist/misogynist laws and/or character behavior that’s normally in males inside a female, or vice versa? How would people and the law treat this female character who’s shy, if she was a male? How would people and the law treat this male character who’s obnoxious and loud and determined, if he was a female?” Not “How different will this character’s life be because they have a penis or v/g?” You reducing character exploration down to genitalia is blatantly transphobic more so than you think, as well as just downright rude.

10. ‘Genderbending’ does harm trans people. It perpetuates dangerous cissexist notions and the idea of a gender binary being a valid construct, erases nonbinary and intersex people, and others trans people. These are what we call microaggressions - they are not as dangerous as outright harassment and assault, but they enforce and support a system and ideology in which we are other, and we are worthy of hate and violence because we do not fit in.

Genderbending does not harm all trans people inherently i am talking to a group of people which is moderately huge but I am not speaking for all of the community whatsoever, considering trans people also like to genderbend characters. It plays into stereotypes and you thinking gender is a spectrum is more harmful that getting upset that someone thinking “How would people treat this character if he/she was the opposite gender?”. It does not erase non-binary nor intersex people, because you could throw them in if you really wanted to, but you’d also be the person who would call that act transphobic or ‘erasing their identity’. This is not a microaggression whatsoever, but rather a personal grudge based on assumptions you think are true, and treating your opinion as fact. That is all.

I don’t see or think why genderbending as a whole is transphobic the name should be changed though but genderbending as a whole is not bad sure they’re are issues but It is not transphobic.

#obey me shall we date #obey me #fuck gender norms

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colorful-yarns-queer-stories · 4 years

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Wayward Son: You’re Probably Going to Hate Me for This

A quick caveat: This post took me almost 8 months to write because Wayward Son wrecked me that thoroughly. It left me that much of a mess, reeling that hard over how very wrong it went after Carry On. This post reflects those kinds of feelings from a queer reader, so if you love the book and feel extremely positively toward it, this post is not for you. Just keep scrolling and go on to enjoy your day. Your opinion is valid. If Wayward Son left you feeling sick, betrayed, and worse than before you got it, maybe we can commiserate. If you’re teetering back and forth on whether to read it, this post offers you the worst to look at opposite the best. If you don’t want to hear it, don’t read it. It’s that easy.

On September 24, 2019, I was practically shaking when I opened my eyes and began setting up my cozy reading nook. I requested the day off work, cleared my entire schedule, and settled in my comfiest sweater and blankets with a fully stocked tea cabinet to read what was, for me, one of the most highly anticipated book releases of the year. I pre-ordered a signed physical copy of the book, the audiobook, even got the collectible patch. I could not WAIT to sit down and read the healing story of Simon Snow’s cross-country queer road-trip with his boyfriend Baz and his best friend Penny. I was so excited to see how Simon was helped on his road to recovery from the trauma of the previous book. Rainbow had psyched us up so much to see how things would get better for our favorite Chosen One, despite how hard his journey to mental wellness might be.

Oh, reader. I was so naive.

Now, before I go into my complicated emotions about this book, I need to clarify something. This is not really a book review. This is a brief and personal examination of how queer characters and audiences are advertised toward vs. what product/representation they receive. Because Wayward Son? As a book, it was solid. Great story, great conflict, great characters. A Very Good Book. But it wasn’t the book we were advertised.

If you are a member of the LGBT+ community, you know what it is to be queerbaited. Shows advertise as though there will be LGBT+ representation, market these stories as queer love stories or stories about queer people learning to love themselves, but in the end, those promises are never delivered upon, leaving LGBT+ audiences open to attacks from cishet fans mocking them for hoping for representation in the first place and reminding LGBT+ audiences that their stories will never be center-stage unless they are fetishes, jokes, or tragedies. (Teen Wolf, BBC Sherlock, and The Cursed Child are just a few immediate examples that spring to mind.)

Rainbow Rowell did not technically queerbait. She wrote two LGBT+ main characters! They got together at the end of the first book! She delivered, right? Mmmm, not quite. Yeah, Simon and Baz got together at the end of the first book, and it was wonderful and heartwarming and hopeful, even if it was still a little bittersweet. After all, that’s realistic right? And they are both still the main characters of the second book. They are still together. She kept her word, right? Wrong.

Rainbow Rowell marketed us a hopeful cross-country road-trip with the Chosen One’s boyfriend and best friend in pursuit of healing and recovery for Simon Snow after he was left traumatized and adrift in the wake of saving the magical world. Well, we got a road trip. He did have a boyfriend and best friend present, sort of. Healing? Hahaha no. None. Not even a little bit. We were promised recovery and hope. What we got instead was a whole lot of Queer Suffering. Literally hundreds of pages of it.

Look, part of writing solid representation is being aware of the cultural and political climate in which you are writing. After the 2016 U.S. election, the LGBT+ and POC communities came under massive fire from the U.S. President, the federal government, and all of the devoted bigots who have loudly and violently sworn themselves to the cause of rooting out and eliminating every minority present here in the States. Since 2016, minority communities have done nothing but suffer under attack after attack over and over and over again. If you look at the majority of books published for LGBT+ audiences since 2016, you will notice that most of them are geared toward messages of healing, of hope, of strength in the face of adversity, because that is what we need given the reality of our existence right now. We need strength, we need hope, we need healing. We exist under a constant barrage of hate and vitriol and violence, and the number of hate crimes being committed against minority communities have risen consistently through the entirety of this Presidential term. So when we are marketed a book about hope and healing, by god we are putting faith in you to deliver on that promise, that commitment you are making to us as a community. We are trusting you, giving you our money, our time, our emotional commitment.

Wayward Son did not deliver on those promises of healing and hope and recovery. Nothing positive happened to any of the characters in the book. Nothing. What hope? What healing? What love? You made Simon and Baz essentially strangers planning their breakup from chapter one, not to mention their individual suffering you attached to their own identities (Simon as ex-Chosen One, Baz as a vampire). You made Penelope Bunce lose her partner of several years. You forced Agatha Wellbelove into a traumatic kidnapping specifically imitating and amplifying her brand of trauma from the end of Carry On. Every single character in your book was a minority (LGBT+, POC, QPOC, women), and every single one was forced to suffer even greater trauma this time with no reprieve or recovery from their previous experiences. YOU MARKETED THE BOOK WITH A FU**ING PRIDE PATCH ONLY TO HAVE YOUR QUEER CHARACTERS PLANNING THEIR BREAK UP FROM CHAPTER ONE. WHAT ABOUT THAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE PROUD OF? Did you even take the time to become aware of the big tropes aimed at queer characters by straight authors? Of either burying your gays or making them end up apart? Of why it’s wrong to use your female characters constantly as damsels in distress (I thought you wanted Agatha to be the opposite of that, but here she is being the damsel in distress AGAIN)? Rainbow, YOU were the one who wrote Agatha hating her part in the Chosen One BS. You wrote her hating danger and magic and you wrote her escape only to reel her right back in? Wayward Son felt like Rainbow Rowell hitting the “Undo” button on all of the positive rep she gave us in the last book and replacing it with loads of misery just because cynicism is “In.”

If someone asked me to recommend a YA fantasy for their teen with solid queer rep, a diverse cast, and healthy messages, I absolutely would have had no problem recommending Carry On. I have, in fact, put it into the hands of LGBTQIA+ teens on multiple occasions. I could not, however, recommend Wayward Son. This book was the antithesis to Carry On and destroyed everything I loved about the original. Was Wayward Son, from a literary standpoint, a good book? Absolutely. But I cannot in good conscience recommend it to any LGBT+ readers, especially given the current political and social climate in which we live. Maybe the third installment will be a fix-it. Maybe things will get better. As for me, though, my faith in this author’s representation of minority characters was broken with Wayward Son.

What kills me about it, though… the thing that really just tears me up inside… is that if she had marketed it to us as, “Lol you’re all going to suffer, this book is totally going to hurt,” I would have been okay with it. I love TJ Klune’s books, but they tear your beating heart out of your chest and then feed it back to you by hand. His books hurt. The difference between him and Rainbow Rowell, though, is that he advertises them that way. When he writes something painful, he markets it as painful. When he writes something soft, he markets it as soft. We know we can trust him because he makes realistic promises and then delivers on them. Rainbow did the exact opposite, promising us recovery and giving us nothing but several hundred pages of pain for literally every single character involved. How are we supposed to trust you now? Honestly, for my part, now I know I can’t.

I’m sorry if this is upsetting. I know lots of people (if they ever see this) are gonna be VERY, VERY angry with me for writing it and for feeling this way. But this is my honest take on Wayward Son: the entire book is one giant trigger, and I think that, until there is anything at all positive to offer in its place, that it’s better for LGBT+ and other minority readers to avoid this one. Maybe wait until the next book or stop after Carry On. If you are a member of a minority group and struggle hard with mental health issues, this might be one to avoid for now.

#lgbtq books #queer books #lgbtq book review #book blog #wayward son #simon snow #baz grimm pitch #penelope bunce #agatha wellbelove #penny bunce #rainbow rowell #i'm about to get a lot of hate for this one #that's okay #this is just my opinion as an lgbtq+ reader

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chasholidays · 6 years

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How about a time stamp for the Home Improvement/HGTV verse: (new) addition. Thanks so much for doing this again!!

Series here!

“Honestly, I’m impressed it took them this long to ask us about kids,” says Clarke, which is the most positive spin she can put on the email they just got from the network.

Bellamy snorts. “Which isn’t creepy at all.”

“I never said it wasn’t creepy, I said it could be creepier. Big difference.”

“I guess it has been an entire season since we got married. They showed a lot of restraint not asking sooner.”

Clarke smiles. “That’s what I’m saying, yeah. They were probably just hoping we’d bring it up first, but whatever.”

“They’re definitely growing.” He flops down next to her on the couch. “Do you want kids?”

It’s not their first time having the conversation, but it’s also not a conversation they’ve ever really resolved. They’ve established that Bellamy wants kids and Clarke isn’t opposed, but it’s not as simple as that for them. He’s reluctant about having a kid on TV, but not completely against it, depending on how it’s handled, which Clarke does get. And she can’t imagine the email made either of them feel better on that front.

But they’re getting older, and while Clarke wouldn’t exactly say her biological clock is ticking, she knows that if they want to have children the old-fashioned way, they should start thinking about it sooner rather than later.

“I’m not sure,” she says, leaning into him. “And I feel like we should be?”

“At least seventy-five percent sure, probably.”

“I might be that sure.”

That seems to surprise him. “Really?”

“You’re not?”

“I still don’t really want to raise a child on camera.”

“Yeah, there is that. We could just start trying to get pregnant and end the show once it works.”

“The babies-ever-after ending?”

“I hear it’s a classic.”

He takes a second. “Do you want to be pregnant? I sort of thought you were leaning towards fostering.”

Clarke considers that herself. “I’m still not sure. But some of that is also–fame stuff.”

“Yeah?”

“You know how the network is. We’re not the only leading couple they’ve got, and most of the shows follow the same formula, just at different stages. You get together, you get married, you have babies. It’s what most of our viewers want. And it’s not like that’s the worst thing ever, but–”

“But you’re still mad about all those people who said that the network was trying to get woke points by casting bisexuals and then having them end up in a heteronormative relationship?”

“Like you’re not. They kept putting bisexual in scare quotes!”

“I know, they’re all assholes. But unless you’re going to divorce me and marry a woman, there’s nothing you can do to stop them from being assholes. You’re allowed to want to have kids, and fuck anyone who says you’re lying about who you are because you fell for me.”

“Obviously they’ve never seen you,” she says, with a small smile.

“Obviously. So, ignoring people on twitter who are wrong anyway, what do you want to do?”

“I’m still not sure.”

He kisses her hair. “Okay, well, the good news is that you don’t have to know. The network can wait.”

“But we should still think about it. For us, not for them. If that’s something we want.”

“And you think you do.”

“Yeah. You haven’t said much about what you want,” she observes. “That matters too. Is it just the TV thing?”

“Kind of.” He sighs. “I feel like I should be happier just giving it up, I guess.”

“What else is new? You hate admitting you like being a weird, HGTV celebrity.”

“I know. So maybe it wouldn’t be bad for a kid. Or not worse, I guess. But if we had a baby and quit the show, by the time it was old enough to know about the show, everyone would have mostly forgotten. It wouldn’t be a big thing at school or whatever. That sounds better to me.”

“It probably wouldn’t be even if the show was on,” Clarke says. “Kids aren’t really our demographic.”

“Their loss.”

“I grew up in Hollywood,” she points out, gentle. “It’s weird, but it doesn’t ruin everyone. Especially not this level of fame. It’s not like we’re going to star in blockbusters with a baby.”

“And we don’t live in California, let alone LA.”

“I’m not saying we have to have a kid on the show, or involved in the show. Just–it might not be as bad as you think.”

“Yeah, that’s how pessimism usually works. Stuff isn’t as bad as I think it will be.”

Clarke smiles, leans up to kiss him. “All I’m saying is maybe you don’t have to give up your career to be a father.”

“A father.” He sounds a little awestruck. “Jesus.”

“Whenever you’re ready.”

“Yeah. Let’s see how that goes.”

In Diyoza’s defense, the email really isn’t that bad. The network seems to be aware that they need her and Bellamy more than she and Bellamy need the network; after all, they like doing the show, but if it ended tomorrow, they’d be fine. They have as much work as they can handle and if they stopped filming, they’d keep getting work. And obviously the network would be okay too, but they’re happier keeping a hit show around than trying to find something new for their time slot. They’ve got a good thing going and there’s definitely no reason to rock the boat.

But Moving On Up has always had broad seasonal story arcs, starting with her and Bellamy’s second courtship, and they’ll need a new one for the fifth season if they want to keep the trend going. And she and Bellamy have actually had a break from that this season, since Miller got together with one of the camera men back in season two, and he and Monty are now secure enough in their relationship to allow it to be dramatized. It was nice, taking the back seat for a little while, but it was a risk for the network too, and the ratings for the season have been down. Diyoza probably wants to bounce back from that with an affirmation that the show is still about Clarke and Bellamy.

Which is another reason Clarke is bristling against babies as a solution. Like Bellamy said, she’s not going to change her entire life because some assholes on twitter think her marrying a guy (and Bellamy marrying a woman) makes her straight, but there are people making good points in there too. Her life is less and less of a lie, as the show catches up with reality, but she could have had a female love interest or something. She could be doing more to be a visible bisexual woman on a network that skews very cishet.

On the other hand, she doesn’t owe anyone her life or her happiness. Just because she’s bisexual and in the public eye, she’s not required to be the perfect representation.

But making it about babies still feels like a lot.

“What about foster kids?” she asks Bellamy.

“Is it weird that I feel worse about those?”

“From a fame perspective?”

“Yeah. If we had a baby, a lot could change by the time the kid has grown up, like you said. But if we got a foster kid, I’d want someone older, and then we’d be having them sign onto–” He waves his hand. “All this.”

“Which they could do.”

“And then what?” Clarke cocks her head, confused, and he clarifies, “We’re not going to be on this show forever, right?”

They probably could be on the show forever, or on another one, if they got tired of this gimmick. But at the same time, their lives without the cameras are good too. Clarke couldn’t imagine keeping going with what she did in Should I Stay Or Should I Go after the show wrapped in part because what they did was so tied to the show itself. She could have kept on doing renovations–and she did–but the traveling around, the competition with Murphy, those things she’d lose.

And Bellamy, of course. If she and Bellamy hadn’t been together when the show wrapped, she would have let them recast Murphy, would have kept going just to stay with him. But now, she has a life. She and Bellamy are married and settled, with a shop that does well enough and jobs lined up all around the tri-state area. They’ve settled in as part of the community, the town’s best-known citizens, and they don’t need the show to keep that status. At some point, she’ll get tired of having cameras around. The logistics of cameras and reshoots and everything else will stop being worth it, and she’ll settle in to just being a person.

It could be soon.

“What if we just let them give us a kid?” she asks, the words coming out at the same time the idea is forming. “If we cast someone in the role of our foster kid. It doesn’t have to be real, it just has to be a good story. We spend a season talking about it, making up our minds, signing up for foster programs, and then we see one season of us as a family, and then–that can be it.”

“It?” he asks. “Done after five seasons?”

“I think maybe.” She taps her knee. “I don’t think–we’re never going to feel like we’re living our lives, as long as we’ve got the show. It’s always going to be about how it works on camera, what that means, you know?”

“Yeah, I know. That’s part of why I didn’t mind taking a bigger role, I think. For this show.”

“Really?”

He shrugs. “Not that I thought of it in those terms, but yeah. Even on Should I Stay Or Should I Go, I always knew the cameras were there, so taking on a bigger role wasn’t that different. It was fun. It’s still fun.”

“But it’s always a little fake.”

“Pretty much.”

“Whatever happens with kids, with family–I want that to be real.”

“Me too,” he says. “So–two more years, and we’re done? At least with this one.”

Clarke has to smile. “This one?”

“If we miss it, we could figure out something else. Something that isn’t about us. More business, less personal. Just if we want.”

“You’re going to miss being on TV.”

“I might,” he admits. “But I’m not sure. I want to find out.”

“So, two more seasons, one fake foster kid, and then we decide what we actually want to do with the rest of our lives.”

He smiles. “This, but with kids.”

“Something like that. I’ll ask Diyoza if casting a kid for us is actually a thing. If it’s not, we can just be–working on it, I guess. See how it goes.”

“It’ll be nice to not worry about that,” he admits. “Not having to think about whether or not we want something to be a part of the show.”

“Or feeling bad if we don’t put it in the show.”

“Or that.” He puts his arm around her and squeezes. “It’s still our life, Clarke. We don’t have to feel bad for wanting to keep some of it to ourselves, or all of it.”

“I know. But I’m looking forward to not having to pick and choose.”

“Yeah,” he agrees. “Can’t wait.”

The weird thing about getting older is that time starts to mean something different. Two years still sounds like a long time, but Clarke knows it’s going to fly by, especially once filming starts. The cameras eat up time in great gulps, and it’s not bad, but it means that a decision like “we’ll get a kid in one year and be done with the show in two” sounds like it won’t happen any time soon, but once the choice is made, everything goes very quickly.

They start filming a couple months after that conversation, and the first few renovations they do are all for families with small children. Bellamy’s a natural with kids, so he’s the one who does more interacting, asking them what they want for their rooms, how they want the yards remodeled. It makes something flip in Clarke’s chest every time she sees it, how natural he is, how much he clearly loves kids. Even if they hadn’t planned this, it would probably inspire her to start talking about next steps.

As it is, they’re about halfway through the season when she says, “Did we ever come to a conclusion about babies?”

“I thought we did. Did you not?”

“We agreed to do fake fostering and then figure it out. I think I figured it out: I want to have a baby.”

“Huh.”

“And probably foster too,” she adds. “We have plenty of room, and I know there are kids who need families, especially older ones, and I think we could be good at that. But we could do that and still have a baby.”

“We could, if you want. Do you want to start working on that soon?”

“Maybe once this season is over. Then if it works, we still don’t have to deal with having a newborn on the show.”

“And we have some time to get used to the idea.”

“You need time?”

“A little, yeah. Just to wrap my mind around it.”

“If you don’t want–”

He kisses her. “I want. I just thought you didn’t, so–I didn’t want to get my hopes up.”

“You could have just told me, too.”

“You’re the one who has to have a human grow inside you, your vote counts more.”

“Cool. My vote is that we talk to a doctor and start planning.”

“I like that plan.” He smirked. “It was me giving that girl a piggyback ride yesterday, right?”

“No,” she lies.

As usual, he sees right through her. “Of course it wasn’t. You were pretty cute not knowing how to hold the baby last week.”

“I can learn!”

“You can. It’ll be fun.”

“Fun,” she agrees, trying for dubious, but ruining it with an irrepressible smile. “Sure.”

There’s a part of Clarke that wants to cancel the foster-kid auditions once they’ve decided to actually start trying for a baby sooner or later, but a larger part of her is kind of morbidly curious. Diyoza’s looking for kids between nine and twelve, old enough to know what’s going on but young enough to still be cute, who are in the foster system for shorter stints with no real need of a forever home. It feels vaguely surreal, but probably fine, assuming everyone is on the same page and no one thinks they’re being taken advantage of.

So, of course, the first kid fixes them with a calculating stare and asks, “Are you getting a sponsorship or something for this?”

According to the profile Diyoza gave them, her name is Madison Templeton and she’s eleven years old. Her parents died when she was seven, so she’s been in the system for a while, living with various relatives. Her aunt is her current caretaker, but she’s been declared unfit and has to complete a course before regaining her rights. It’s a good position for the show, because the woman was able to grant the network rights to show her niece as a foster kid, but they won’t need to keep her for long.

It makes Clarke feel like she needs a shower.

“A sponsorship?” Bellamy asks.

“Or is it like a ratings stunt? You want to test drive adding a kid to the show before you commit.”

“This is the last season of the show,” says Clarke. “Ratings aren’t really a big deal anymore.”

“So you just want to get good PR before you go out?”

“We’re really thinking about fostering,” Clarke says. “Why not get started now?”

“But you’re just looking for kids you can’t actually keep. What’s up with that?”

“It seemed like the best solution when we were trying to figure stuff out,” Bellamy says. He cocks his head at her. “You don’t think so?”

“It seems kind of shitty. You give a kid a few months of the good life and then throw them away.”

“Don’t you just need a couple months?” Clarke asks. “And then you go back to your aunt?”

The girl considers for a moment, face twisting like she’s trying to find a way around it. “Yeah, but still.”

Bellamy is watching her with interest. “We don’t have to foster anyone. If you think it’s a bad idea.”

“If I do?”

“We wanted an older kid because we figured we could talk about what was happening with them and make sure everyone was on the same page. So, yeah, we want to know what you think. You’re the expert.”

Madison chews her lip, thinking it over. “I’ve been a lot of places,” she offers. “And every time I tell myself I’m not going to stay there, but I get my hopes up anyway. Like, even if my aunt takes the class and gets me back, I don’t think I’m going to be with her for that long. So you can tell some kid that this is just for a few months, but they’ll probably still be hoping you’ll keep them. You’re rich, right?”

“Pretty rich, yeah,” Clarke says. “The house isn’t that big, but we have plenty of money in savings. And more than enough room.” She wets her lips. “You don’t think your aunt is going to get custody back?”

“She will eventually, probably. But it’s not really a priority for her.”

“So what do you want?”

Madison looks surprised. “What do you mean?”

“You showed up,” says Bellamy, figuring out Clarke’s train of thought as easily as ever. “Did you just want to see what was going on? Or do you want a couple good months while your aunt gets her shit together?”

“I’d take the months if I could get them,” says Madison. “It sounds kind of interesting. Would I have to do anything?”

“Appear on camera occasionally, go along with reality TV stuff. Other than that, probably pretty standard foster-kid stuff. Go to school, do your homework, talk to us if you have problems.”

“If you pick me,” she says, careful. “You’ve got a bunch of kids to audition, right?”

“Talk to,” says Clarke, feeling uncomfortable. “They’re not auditions, just–getting a feel for people.”

She tries to convince herself it’s not a lie, but she and Bellamy make it through exactly one more interview before the guilt gnaws through her.

“We liked Madison, right?” she asks Bellamy.

“Yeah, we did.”

“And we’re going to pick her, right?”

He smiles. “We are?”

“Aren’t we?”

“Probably, yeah,” he admits. “You don’t want to keep going?”

“I feel like an asshole, making these kids line up for us.”

“Yeah, I feel that. It seemed normal, but I was picturing, like–actors. Not real foster kids.”

“Diyoza said it would be easy for people to figure out if it was just actors,” Clarke says, with a sigh. “But we know people don’t check, so I should have told her no.”

“But you didn’t, and you want to take Madison.”

“Like you don’t.”

He smiles with half his mouth. “It’s going to be a disaster.”

“You think?”

“We’re going to get attached and want to keep her.”

“But you still want to.”

“I still want to.”

He nods. “Me too. I’ll tell them we’re done with the meetings. We made up our minds.”

She still feels like a little bit of an asshole, but in the unavoidable way that comes from feeling like doing something is worse than doing nothing, because she can’t do everything. They could maybe take another foster kid, maybe even two, but they can’t take everyone who needs a place. And they might not even be a good place, after all. Starting with one kid and going from there is a better plan, and Madison will probably give them honest feedback about whether or not this is a good fit for them.

Despite everything, Clarke has a good feeling about this.

They go to pick her up the next day, find her outside the social services office with two duffel bags, apparently all the possessions she has. She watches as they drive up, eyes narrowed, loads up her stuff without comment. They drive most of the way back to the farm before she asks, “Why me?”

“We liked you,” says Clarke.

“That’s it?”

Bellamy shrugs. “It seemed like the best reason.”

She sits with the words for a long moment. “Yeah,” she finally says. “I guess so.”

They have a month to settle in before filming of the last season starts, and it’s definitely necessary. One of the nice things about Moving On Up, at least from Clarke’s perspective, is that the reality is always in the past tense. They went back and recreated the start of their relationship; Bellamy proposed off-screen months before the second season, which followed his attempts to come up with a sufficiently romantic gesture. The two of them were married a week before the big ceremony that happened on TV. If they’d had to deal with meeting Madison–who prefers Madi–and getting used to her in real time, on camera, it would have been incredibly stressful.

Not that getting to know her without cameras isn’t a lot. She’s a good kid and Clarke likes her, but she’s prickly, distrustful, and it takes time for them to get used to each other. She refuses to unpack her stuff because she could be gone any day, and Clarke wants to tell her she’s not going anywhere, even though she knows as well as Madi does that it’s true. Her aunt is still her guardian, and she’s a temporary part of the family.

By the time the cameras show up, they’re not perfect, but they’re at least mostly settled. Madi likes the dog and the farm, is coming to like Clarke and Bellamy despite her better instincts.

Bellamy’s the one who suggests they sit her down the day before filming starts to check in, but Clarke agrees it’s the best choice. At this point, they pretty much understand her, and it’s worth addressing their concerns now, before the cameras are around making everyone self-conscious.

“How are you feeling about filming?” Bellamy asks, to start them off.

Madi shrugs. “Fine. I don’t have to do much, right? Just be around?”

“Yeah. We’ll probably see you once or twice an episode, and the producers want you hanging around the store, but we’ll be doing most of the talking.”

“Saying how great it is?”

Her voice has an edge to it, and Clarke and Bellamy exchange a look before Clarke picks up the conversation. “It’s not bad, right?”

“No.”

“We’re not going to kick you out when the season ends. You have a place here for as long as you need one.”

She jerks up, eyes flashing. “What if my aunt never wants me back? What if she doesn’t care enough to get custody back?”

“Then you can stay,” says Bellamy. His voice is calm. “And if she does take you back, we’re not going anywhere. If you need us, we’ll be here for you.”

As is her way, Madi takes her time considering it. “You really mean that, don’t you,” she finally says, less a question than a revelation.

“We haven’t done the best job with this whole thing,” he admits, slow. “TV really does destroy your brain. We don’t know how to be people anymore, we’re paranoid and careful, even with–you’re a kid. Don’t argue,” he adds, smiling a little. “We’re older than you, we still get to call you a kid. You’re old enough to understand what’s going on, but that’s not enough.”

“It’s not?”

“We were never just planning to throw you away. If you need someone–you’ll always be family, Madi. Even if you don’t live with us for very long, that doesn’t change anything.”

“What if I never want to leave?” she asks, voice so soft Clarke can barely hear it.

“You’d have to talk to your aunt.” She puts her arm around Madi’s shoulders. “We can’t just take you, it’s still–she’d have to give you up.”

“She would,” Madi says. “She doesn’t want me.”

“We can talk to her,” Bellamy says. “If you want. It might take time, though.”

“Just like that?” Madi asks.

“If you want,” he says again.

“But you didn’t want to keep anyone.”

“You’re not anyone,” Clarke says, smiling. “You’re Madi. We want to keep you.”

The last episode of the show is Bellamy adding an extension to their own house, the first renovations they’ve ever done for themselves.

“You know we already have enough bedrooms, right?” Madi asks Bellamy. She took to reality TV like a fish to water, but Clarke doesn’t think she’ll miss it. She’ll find something else to be good at.

“It’s symbolic.”

“What does is symbolize?”

He glances up at Clarke, and she smiles. The pregnancy is small and new, enough that it hasn’t been confirmed in the show. They just had a conversation about wanting to try, leaving their fictional lives on a more uncertain note. The truth can just be theirs.

“Our family getting bigger. You don’t want more room?”

“I like room outside.”

“There’s still plenty of that. It’s not going anywhere.”

“And this way you’ll be farther away from any babies we have,” Clarke adds. “They won’t wake you up.”

“They still could. Babies are loud.”

“It’s good TV, that’s it,” Bellamy says. “Happy now?”

“Kind of. I figured we were good TV already.”

“People have spent a lot of time with us,” Clarke says. “They want closure. To feel like we’re happy and doing well. They want to know that we’re going to be okay.”

“And we are, right?” Madi asks, sounding only a little insecure. She mostly believes, these days. That they’ll be keeping her.

Clarke gives her a hug around the shoulders, her favorite kind of low-pressure affection. “Yeah. We’re going to be great.”

#lackingstealth

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mxadrian779 · 5 years

Text

Rant.

CW: transphobia, misgendering, general jackassery.

I’m in a…well, charged debate group. It’s titled “girls only” but includes NB and trans people in its description (which only happened because of me—original group description read “This is a debate group, made strictly for women. That includes trans men.“), so I thought it would be safe. HAH.

The group is pretty dominantly one side and doesn’t seem to have equal treatment of the other side. Cursing is allowed, and one admin in particular likes to call everyone from the other side “dumb bitch.” She spent the entire day calling me that, so when I snapped and returned the favour, someone reported me and my account got silenced. That’s not really what this rant is about, but it is a little background to show you this admin, and another, is an asshole.

Anyway, trash in that group started with a member at first accidentally misgendering me during an argument. That’s okay—no one can know at first. I informed her that that was not my pronoun. She ignores me and calls me the wrong pronoun; when I tell her, she resorts to calling me “it.” Naturally I divert the topic to call her out on her transphobic garbage; she defends, doubles down; the same went on for some time. Another member comes in and calls her out on it, and a third person…but then turns around and says that I was manipulating the situation!

Quotes:

“It was a manipulation when they said "don’t assume gender”. But you didn’t see it was a tactic.“

Me to this new asshole: “Seriously? Someone gets hurt by being misgendered, and you reduce it to a “tactic”? I appreciate your defense in some spots and I’m sorry for my misread of your original comment, but THIS is quite hurtful. Calling out a cishet’s transphobic comments isn’t a “manipulation.” I don’t give a damn about our differing beliefs; no one gets to dehumanise a trans person and then be supported by someone calling their pain a “tactic.” I couldn’t IMAGINE witnessing a trans person across the aisle getting misgendered, and then just calling it a manipulation tactic. Just no. Humans are humans and no one deserves to get misgendered, no matter how far apart the beliefs.“

New person: “so she defends you and you go after her? Want a go at me too now?”

So a cis member calls a trans member an “it,” another cis member calls my hurt over it a “manipulation,” and it’s just all okay. Some time later, I brought up the issues with Admin One again and how they defended my misgendering. They then said that I probably wouldn’t care if they were misgendered, and I wanted to scream from the top of my lungs “YOU’RE CIS.”

Next up: admin BS (let’s call this Admin One).

Someone tries to unite the polarized group with a topic on figuring out what we can agree on.

Person commenting: “We can all agree that everyone in this group is a girl and/or identifies as girl”

Me: “Actually, nope.”

Admin One: “You only seem to post when anything is said about trans people that you do not agree with. You are NOT special for being trans, you are trans. Give it up. That is a warning. If anybody is purposely transphobic feel free to message an admin.“

Me: “You’re right. How dare a trans person speak when trans people are the topic. How dare a trans person want to clarify that not everyone here identifies a certain way.I never insinuated I was "special,” but I certainly have every fucking right to speak on topics that have personal relevance.“

Admin One: “It is basically the only thing you pick on and yiu know it. I am so glad my ex wasn’t like you.”

Me: “Correcting problematic language and calling out transphobia in a group predominately populated by people who should know better is hardly “picking on.” Minorities have every fucking right to comment on what concerns them without being called out or feeling threatened. All I said was “no, this group is not girls-only.” Absolutely nothing wrong with that.“

Admin One:: “The point was you are hardly seen unless it’s to do with being trans. Don’t give me the BS minority stuff. I’m Pansexual, I just don’t need to make it my only voice“

(2 comments later) “I can say that enough is enough of these comments. Unless it’s purposely done. The end.“

Next is Admin Two, the aforementioned one who likes to curse everyone out, me in particular. On someone else’s comment referring to me, I made a side note in parentheses like “dear universe, stop assuming everyone is ‘she’” and informed of my correct pronouns. Admin Two laugh-reacted to it, then as the topic went on, kept referring to me as “she.” She laugh-reacted every time I called her out and asked her to stop, and denied me calling her transphobic for it. I tagged another admin (a third one, apart from the two mentioned here—she is thankfully not an asshole), and reported the transphobia that was happening, which three people laugh-reacted to. Admin Two defended and would not stop misgendering me. Meanwhile, a new person defended the others with the fact that I have a feminine name (it was another account), basically says “what do you expect” and says I should change my name if I don’t want to be misgendered. I’ve seen their later comments wherein they continue to misgender me.

*deep breath*

Gah. I apologise for the essay. I’m just so aggravated and frazzled and baffled by these people and this group. They’re of the type that should know better, and they’re purposely being transphobes and then mocking me when I call them out on it. I don’t know what to do. If I leave, they won’t learn anything. I can’t publicly address anything because 1) I’m afraid of Admin One and Two; 2) I’m the only trans person in that entire group, I feel like I have a giant target on my back—and 3) I’m not on the dominant side, so I fear about how much mistreatment comes from the fundamental disagreement, and fear them accusing me of – I dunno, of trying to make waves or something because I’m in the philosophical minority in that group, if that makes sense

#rant #trans #transphobia #transgender #enbyphobia #ceterophobia #vent

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