#i want my energy and motivation back

[snarkspawn]

Oh look, it's that time of the year again :'D (how tf did that happen??) Anyway, hm. Mental health-wise this year was the worst in quite some time for me, so for some months I literally only had one, maybe two finished pieces to choose from. BUT on the plus side I'm fairly happy with most of the drawings I did finish, so that's good! I'll just focus on that, and on all the things I still want to improve on in the future. Here's to hoping 2025 will be less rough, and a little kinder, to all of us :)

On that note I wish all of you a wonderful end of the year and a great start into 2025! Thank you so, so much for coming with me on my art journey, for liking and reblogging, and for leaving nice comments and messages! You make it all worth it and I appreciate the hell out of you, whether you've been following me for ages or only just got here 💜 mwah!

[aroanthy]

i love how fraught and complicated discourse around various utena characters ‘dying’ is when anthy is literally stabbed to death eternally by a million swords imbued with human hatred. and then utena gets stabbed to death by them also. like. ‘death’ is incredibly interesting in rgu because most of the time it’s this ambiguous figurative thing that has interesting implications re: ohtori as a closed-off world one can escape. we are all trapped in our coffins. mamiya is the only named character with a grave. nemuro memorial hall functions as one all the same. ruka is implied to have died in the hospital— was he dead all along? who was the boy we saw for these two episodes? is this dead boy the same boy, or is this just another coincidence from the shadow girls, cutting like a knife? it’s heavily implied that akio and anthy murder kanae by poisoning her, adding to the previous implication that they were poisoning mr ohtori too, but there are no perceptible consequences of this. kanae’s absence is not felt. she’s fed an apple slice. what happens to the bodies? we know what happened to the 100 boys, but what about everyone else? and so on and so forth. ‘death’ is a tricky thing in utena, i think it’s constantly functioning on figurative and literal levels in very different ways for very different purposes. dios died. dios was dying. dios didn’t die. he grew up. etc etc

[platykool]

im back

[taegularities]

🤍🫂🌹

[puppppppppy]

isnt it great when u take your adhd meds and instead of using that brainpower for stuff like ASSIGNMENTS. AND PROJECTS. your brain decides the next 6 hours will be brainstorming ponysona names and making oc playlists

[bones-n-bookles]

Cave Bean for @losech 💜

[byanyan]

rolls around on the floor........ so anyway, i failed my attempt to fix my sleep schedule... now i'm just gonna try waking up a bit earlier every day until i feel at least somewhat like a human being ashjfgds

[whoblewboobear]

Staring down that weird feeling of feeling like too much or out of place or annoying if I say too much or say things too loud or too off-putting to be like- WANTED in any given social situation. To try so hard to socialize just to- idk. I’d very much like to stop defaulting to that scared kid that was pushed away or talked over until I got old enough and desperate enough to say any and every rapid fire thought that comes to mind. Like filling space when there’s dead air then wondering if maybe I did the Too Much™️ thing again and A. Scared everyone away or B. Pushed everyone away so it would hurt less when they leave BC of A.

Of feeling like I need to be useful or smart or talented or pretty or SOMETHING worthwhile so people want me around. I can just be but then it’s like just being has never been enough for anyone to like- stay. Or care. Running is always a mistake bc it’s like riiiight.. no one noticed you ran, babe. You’re not even at the top of their list people to want around. And just feel so low about it that I talk myself into feeling miserable again.

I’m happy, ive been so much happier lately and i dont take it for granted bc it’s so rare that things go okay or that there’s a sense of peace for a moment. I’m creating again and im less hard on myself about it. I have hobbies again, I’m making friends. And still I’m like seeing the other foot start to drop in real time bc it’s like. You’re in, but are you? That constant nagging voice that sounds so much like my own going “lonely again? Good you deserve it”

[carrionsflower]

[unluckystreak]

hey guys what does it mean when you never have energy for anything like ever. like you literally cannot bring yourself to do anything all day. i cant even do the things i like. im just tired all the time. im exhausted. i feel like im on 1% battery 99% of the time. why has it always been like this for me. why haven't i grown out of it. why can't i just do things.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[quilleth]

the extreme level of 0 fucks to give i feel about work lately is kind of problematic. but also...i give 0 fucks about it. just absolutely 0 motivation beyond the most bare minimum i can get away with doing and that's not even really motivation. that's just "i need to not be a complete bump on a log or i will get fired and we literally cannot afford to live if i do not have a job and also i would lose my admittedly very good healthcare that is covering therapy and medications and testing for my adhd, insomnia, and chronic fatigue." but like i don't care about it. i'm back in the office full time (i work remote during breaks) and i'm dreading it

[voltronisanobsession]

I know I’ve said it a thousand times but imma try and go through my inbox because i have over 40 things sitting in there💀

Like they probably forgot about their asks but I’m gonna power through and post them when I’m done writing all of them🙏

I need to finish them before I start school in the fall but I think I could do it😍😍

[saeshiraw]

tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

[radmista]

My cat just ran outside while I was taking my dog out to the bathroom, refuses to come back while calling her and shaking food at her. Actively runs in the opposite direction. And ofc someone broke the laser pointer I keep on my keys so I can't trick her back into the apartment. I'm so pissed that shit broke off, all my other crappy keychains are still attached. The laser was how I got her back last time she escaped but she'd only taken a few steps out and I was able to snatch her.

And I'm not supposed to have her so I can't even notify the apartment complex a cat is missing 😐 guess she's an outdoor cat now :/

[dracimexidae]

So yeah since Jasmine and Sara are out of the Finals 😢, I'm left with the BJK Cup and then i'm basically on vacation myself from tennis (as for the more engaged and "stressful" part of watching matches😝- honestly it's "exhausting" being a fan a pause is definitely needed phew 😮‍💨🤣)