#the motivation is slowly coming back I think
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Limitations
Randall Kirkland x Fem!Reader
Masterlistđ©·
Summary: Randall plays on your competitive nature. How far will he take it? How far will you let him?
Warnings: SMUT, NSFW, 18+, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, piv, unprotected sex, DubCon, manipulation, breeding, choking, gagging, swearing, mentions of violence and murder, fem!reader, romantic smut, aftercare
A/N: Finally!!! It is time!! I know y'all have been itching for this new Randall fic, Iâve been grinding hard on this, I hope it doesnât disappoint. I love y'all! I love Randall!!! Thank you all so so much for your support! It truly means the world to me and motivates me to do better every day and put out more fics! As always, Iâm open to comments, questions, requests, etc. or if you ever just want to reach out, say, "Hey", and chat, I am all for it!! *kisses*
W/C: 9.2k
You didnât want to walk past the bus this morning. Every time you did, you felt his eyes on you. You could feel them traipse across your skin, observing your every curve, how you walked, the way your hips swayed, and how your hair swung behind you in loose dark waves. You had gotten used to the town, as used to it as someone could get, you supposed. But you never could bring yourself to come to terms with your feelings, feelings you werenât sure how to address, or what to even call them. Was it envy, lust, longing? Youâve never even spoken to him, but you felt his eyes bore into you every morning as you walked past to the diner.
Some days, you wondered what would happen if you stopped to speak with him. What would you say? Every morning you saw him from your peripheral vision as he turned his head to follow your path. Wanting to look back, but eyes still looking straight ahead. You never looked back, unsure of what you'd see, what you wanted to see. The one and only person you thought you had figured out, but too scared to be direct or approach. You stole a few glances at times at the diner or by the farm. You often remarked at how handsome he was, shying away from those lustful thoughts, but always going back to them once it got dark and you were alone.
You kept to yourself most days, only chatting with folks in passing at the diner and steering far from colony house. You had heard stories, and gossip passed through tight lips from person to person. You were not one to indulge but still remained vigilant with an ear to listen. Randall, the guy they kicked out and forced to live on the bus. Some say he threatened Donna. Some say he held people at gunpoint. Nothing surprising, nothing you probably wouldnât do yourself given the chance. This place had a way of messing with people, getting into their heads, making people mad in every sense of the word. Some days, you didnât know if what you were seeing was real, and were unsure if anyone else had similar experiences but kept to yourself all the same due to your own distrust in others.
Day in and day out, you felt defeated, not sure if you were even really alive. You walked through the day in a slump, wondering if anything is real, if this was real or if it was a dream⊠and what of the life you knew before. Was that the dream? You had gone numb, wracking your mind over the details and inconsistencies of the day-to-day happenings. Not wanting to die, not willing to, but not sure if you would or if that even meant anything anymore. Was this what death was? Did we all die in car crashes and this is our fucked-up purgatory? What is survival, really? In this situation, it was hard to define.
Thatâs why you found yourself thinking of Randall often, yet too shy or scared to approach him, only in your mind's eye did he linger. Not knowing what heâs thinking or going through personally. You were remiss to your thoughts and thoughts alone. They drove you to the edge of delirium nightly. Clutching your pillow over your face, screaming to drown out the sounds of the creatures that knocked upon your windows and doors. Always trying to find a way in, slowly waiting, watching. You felt helpless and alone often escaping in the thought of his touch, how his hands would feel on your skin, how soft his lips must feel, how theyâd taste. It was the last piece of sanity you could hold onto every night before the nightmare became too close of a reality. Instead, you fantasized about Randall and turned it into a dream.
You reluctantly headed out the door later than usual today, unwilling to brood between four walls. You threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt before heading out the door and to the diner. Before arriving, you could hear commotion in the distance. There was a group of people standing near the entrance of the diner arguing about supplies and food. The crowd seemed rowdy and questionable.
You stopped at the edge of where the bus stood with its tires shot out a safe distance away, watching as the township fought and argued. You scoffed and sneered. Tired of how the people ran things here, tired of the rules in a place with no natural law. It was ridiculous to you, a noble effort that just somehow still wasnât enough. People are still being killed, people are still lost, thereâs no escaping and theyâre fighting over supplies. Your eyes rolled so hard you felt the nerves stretch behind your eye socket causing a slight headache.
âUghâ, you audibly spoke. âMy sentiments exactlyâ a voice said from beside you. You shuddered at the sound of the voice, deep and gravelly. You quickly looked up realizing Randall had stepped off the bus and stood next to you. Suddenly you found your lungs had tightened in your chest lifting a lump into your throat leaving you unable to speak or even breath for a moment. You observed his expression, aloof yet fixed and focused. You could see behind his eyes, a darkness softened by disappointment and fear. His eyes looked on toward the diner as he snickered.
âCan you believe what theyâre doing? Rationing food now?â He spoke again. You watched as his mouth moved when he spoke, how his lips curled over his teeth, how his dark rimmed mossy green eyes flickered with speech. His hands gesturing toward the diner, looked rough and abrasive, covered in veins that crawled up his forearms and disappeared under his flannel shirt. He was so remarkably handsome you thought to yourself, blushing at the thoughts that began to fill your head once more.
You found yourself trying to respond, to think of something to say. His stature alone was intimidating, he towered over you leaning against the bus with his arms crossed looking at you under a furrowed brow. Those eyes, burning you. You could feel his gaze wash over you like molten lava. You could feel heat begin brimming to your cheeks as your whole body went flush and mind blank.
âSomeone should do somethingâ was all you could manage to say. You spoke angrily and out of frustration in a mere whisper, but truly you thought, someone really should do something, anything, literally anything. Randallâs eyes remained fixed on you as you looked onward towards the diner, your attention caught by louder yelling.
You watched as Boyd broke up the crowd, unable to hear what was being said but seeing his arms wave side to side palms down as if it would calm anyone. The crowd murmured as they dispersed, sharing looks of shame and frustration with one another. âCome onâ Randall said reaching for your hand. It was soft, warm, and completely swallowed yours within his grip. âWhat are you doing?â you questioned. The crowd had already broken and cleared out at this point. âWeâre going to do something about itâ he whispered in a hushed voice. He pulled you with him towards the back side of the diner, you followed effortlessly. His confidence surged through his grip onto your palm. Kinetic energy leaking from his skin to yours, exhilarating your senses and emboldening your mood. Finally, someone with an assertive nature, you thought.
Randall kept eyes on Boyd and the few that lingered as he led you to the backside of the diner, peeking around the corner as he did. You both watched as Boyd, Donna, and a few others left towards the sheriff station. Slowly disappearing into the distance. You felt his hand reach past your waist and brush against your t-shirt lifting it slightly allowing a draft of cold air to touch your skin. You shuddered at the feeling of his forearm sweeping against you, only for a second. He was warm, his skin, so soft.
He had reached across to open the door you stood next to. He then smirked and said âafter youâ outstretching his hand, guiding you into the diner's kitchen. You nodded taking the lead but not fully sure what you were doing there. Upon entering the kitchen, you noticed itâs disarray. There were various dishes, cans, and boxes, strewn about and stacked high. The townâs folk had tried to gather and take what they could, anything they could get their hands on. Perhaps a few even got to take some home, but this was what was left.
Several jars of canned goods, boxed goods, spices, and various pickled fruits and veggies. You imagined the work it took to prep all this who had done it and how long it must have taken. You slide the boxes over with your foot that were haphazardly stacked near the door where Randall entered behind you. He slid past you reaching for an empty box and began filling it with items of his own personal preference. âGrab what you can carry and whatever else you want; weâll take it over to your placeâ he said firmly in a curt almost whisper.
You looked on as your mind fought with itself. You hadnât expected this, to take things for yourself. The idea of it, however much you rationalized it, agreed with it and wanted to, still felt wrong. A tinge of guilt swept over you. Randall, who had his back turned, had turned to face you. Seeing your apprehension he spoke. âThought you wanted to do something about it?â He said playfully jesting toward you with his elbow, easing your tension a bit. It wasnât so much that you didnât want to do it, you did, itâs more that you were afraid of being caught, what would happen then? What would they do?
Truly you thought you didnât really care for anybody in this town, you didnât know them on any personal level, you werenât even sure if they were truly who they said they were. Everyone was out for themselves at this point, proven this morning as you approached the diner and seeing the rowdy crowd, and now, looking around the kitchen and seeing boxes strewn about and the mess they had left behind in their haste. They were all fending for themselves why shouldnât you?
Randall had set his box down with a thunk as the box hit the table. You could hear the clinks of the cans and jars that rustled within. The bulk of his content being canned meats and veggies, various soups, stocks and spices. He had grabbed a box handing it to you. âHere. If weâre going to survive, we have to beat them to it. You saw them out there, they just didnât get away with itâ a mischievous smile crept across your lips. After all, you did say something should be done.
He met your smile with one of his own, a devilish grin widened at the corners of his lips and his eyes narrowed âatta girl! Almost didnât think you had it in youâ he chuckled as he turned and proceeded to fill his box. Your cheeks flushed immediately, a balmy heat filling your face. A mixture of feelings brimmed at that sentiment. You tried dissecting your emotions while grabbing items from the shelves. What had he thought of you? You hadnât thought of that until just now. What did Randall think of you, about you? Did he think you meek and mousey? You supposed you could be perceived that way but truly you were bold, you were passionate, stubborn, and would never back down from a challenge, especially if someone thought you couldnât or wouldnât.
What did he mean he didnât think you had it in you? Sure, you hesitated, but only for a moment. But him saying âatta girlâ almost made it all ok. You wanted him to say more, to give you that praise, to give you the attention you hadnât realized until now, you were so starved for. His voice penetrated your psyche in an undefined pleasurable way. You felt the urge to show him who you really were, after all, he didnât know anything about you sans what he could observe in passing. You had never held a conversation with him prior to today. You surmised that maybe others spoke about you and he had heard. You didnât doubt it, it's how you heard about him.
What had you heard about him that wasnât true or was a misrepresented truth in some way. You wanted to know more about him. You always had but fear held you back. What an opportunity today had presented you with. He was the only person in this place that intrigued you, the only person you felt you could possibly relate to, the only person who seemed⊠real.
Randall had stopped grabbing things, remarking about his full box being a good haul then turning his attention to you as you continued meticulously picking things out. You could feel that familiar feeling, the one you felt every morning as you passed by the bus at first light. His eyes were on you. You could feel them wander your curves as you bent over to look at a lower shelf or kneeled to grab something. His eyes laid upon you like a soft touch, caressing every inch with his vision.
The feelings you had fought every morning quickly presented themselves at the forefront of your mind once again. Today, you let them flourish, examining them closely. Today you would find out what it was you felt. You could feel your body tremble at the thought of him touching you. Your hands shook grabbing items as lustful thoughts overtook your brain making your focus almost nonexistent.
You found yourself easing into his gaze. Calculating your movements to emphasize your body for his view, arching your back, bending your knees. You reached for a high shelf, an item perched just out of your reach. You looked over your shoulder peeking through strands of hair that fell about your face, meeting his smoldering gaze. He was leaned against the counter, arms crossed with one leg crossed over the other. He nonchalantly stood, walking towards you. You tried reaching once more, inching on your feet when you felt his presence behind you.
The space between your bodies was warm and quickly got warmer. An arm outstretched, reaching over your head and grabbing the can from the top shelf you had been reaching for. You could feel the flannel from his shirt brush against your arm. You turned to thank him, falling back onto your heels and looking up. He stood so close to you still, you could smell his clothes, a mix of ozonic and possibly leather. Perhaps from sleeping on the bus you pondered. It was hypnotic.
He took another step closer, enclosing the space between you. A lump lifted into your chest as your breathing hitched. You met his eyes, darkened by the shadows within the room, his face only lit from the bit of daylight that streamed in from the dining area and small back window. You observed his face, lamenting internally how beautiful he was, how soft his features were. His angled jaw, cheek bones, and dimpled chin catching light and emphasizing some of his most beautiful features. The kindness you could see in his face behind his brooding exterior. There was a layer deeper you couldnât see but feel.
The air in the room felt thicker, harder to breath. You could feel each breath you took as it lifted your chest to meet his sternum, pressing firmly against him. He looked down at you with a sly smile âis this what you wanted?â He spoke in a low raspy tone. You looked down seeing the can in his hand. âMhmm. Thank youâ you said shaking your head in affirmation and looking into his eyes. He smiled coyly and handed you the can. With his other arm, he grabbed your shoulder and ran his fingers down your arm gently, leaning in to whisper in your ear. âWe should probably hurry up and get out of here, so we donât get caught tooâ.
However true his words were, it was the farthest thought from your mind. All you could think about was how his breath felt on your ear, how each syllable danced across your skin ever so gently, cascading down your neck. How his hand felt on your shoulder. How firm his grip was, how the sensation of his fingertips still lingered upon your skin leaving goosebumps in their wake. You all but melted at the slightest of touch. An ache deep within your core, a feeling so intense it couldnât be ignored. However, he was right. It was best to get in and out of there as quickly as possible.
Earlier, he had said that he would bring the items with you to your place. Your mind raced at the possibilities. You tried to quell those thoughts; they ran rampant within the confines of your mind. Playing out scenes of all the different ways you wanted him, the things you wanted to do to him. You felt your heart race within your chest, your palms got clammy and for once in your time here in the township, fear wasnât at the forefront of your mind.
You nodded in agreement as he stepped aside allowing you space to finish grabbing what you needed. You had found the last item that you topped your box off with before setting it down. A can of fruit medley with extra cherries you found hidden in the back of one of the cabinets. âReady?â He asked standing from his aloof leaning position he watched you from. âLet's go!â You whispered excitedly. You grabbed your box when Randall reached out âI got itâ he said matter of factly, stacking your box on top of his and carrying them both. âJust keep an eye out, yeah?â He gestured nodding his head toward the door. âOf course,â you agreed.
You slowly open the door peeking around the corner looking for any signs of activity or prying eyes. Everything looked clear, you motioned with a wave of your hand to Randall indicating it was safe. You both carefully made your way back to your place in the township. You opted to stick to the tree line, hoping that no one would see you as you quickly made your way home. It must have only been a couple blocks away, but the feeling of excitement and the thrill of the entire situation had you giddy. You felt as if you floated home.
You must have spent more time at the diner than you realized. You are very fortunate, you thought, that no one came back and caught you and Randall. Would they put you in a cell at the sheriffâs station for a night or would they put you in the box? A fleeting thought. For it did not matter, no one did catch you, and you made it to your home safely just before dark.
You scrambled to open the door and let Randall inside as quickly and unnoticeably as possible. Still worried someone would see, but knowing it was unlikely an issue as most were probably already inside as that familiar nightly bell began to ring in the distance.
He had carried those two boxes the entire way, and the fact that he even offered was so kind and gentlemanly. You felt that the things people have said about him and the way they felt about him were wrong, that maybe they didnât give him a chance. He was actually very sweet, albeit intimidating for sure. But that didnât scare you, it only furthered your curiosity.
You regretted not taking the time to approach him sooner instead of waiting for him to approach you on a chance encounter. However it may have happened, you were thankful that it eventually did. If anything, just having him around and being in his presence made you feel less alone, less afraid. As a matter of fact, for most of your time here you werenât sure you were even alive. But with him, this is the most alive you've ever felt since youâve been here.
Such a simple act, a small way to fight back and to resist. He made you feel exhilarated and validated. In the short time you had spent together, you already felt like you wanted him around more. It wasnât just the lust, even though those thoughts danced freely beneath the surface, but you felt a kind of connection with him.
It was unexplainable, maybe irrational even, you couldnât explain it except for that you felt wanted in his presence, accepted. Something you had yet to feel here. It only drew you to him further. There were sudden realizations of unspoken truths between you two. One, you knew he wanted you; you had already known, you supposed for some time. Only now was it clear. Two, he knew you knew. And three, you wanted him as well.
He rushed past you as you pushed the door closed behind him while checking that the talisman was secure. Randall entered your home, setting the boxes upon the table just within the opening to the dining room area, then immediately returned his attention back to you. You went to move but felt locked in his gaze. You watched helplessly as he walked towards you, each step inching closer.
You turned to speak. You had a question still burning within you, you sought clarification from his snide commentary from earlier. âWhat did you mean by you didnât think I had it in me?â You asked pointedly. You were curious. âHuh?â Randall spoke, stopping mid step halfway to where you stood. He paused to think for a moment. âI didnât peg you for defianceâ he mocked. âBut I guess for a second, I thought you mightâve been like the others. Self-righteous, goody two shoesâŠâ he trailed off as he began to move closer once more.
âBut I guess I was wrong. You donât back down from anything do you?â He said playfully looking down at you as the space between you became less, once more pushing himself against you. âUnh uhâ you murmured with broken speech as you shook your head from side to side. So, he does see you? You thought. You went to move away when his hand grasped yours bringing your attention right back to him. You froze staring into his eyes as he spoke, trying to hear his words but being so distracted by him, it became difficult to decipher the meaning and context of what he said.
âMy turn to ask a questionâ he said grasping both of your hands within his, gently rubbing his thumbs over the back of your hands from your knuckles to your wrists in slow circles. You nodded unable to speak, awaiting his question. What could he possibly ask? You would tell him anything. In this moment he held you prisoner, you couldnât move if you wanted to. He held a gravity within his core so powerful you couldnât help but be pulled in.
âWhy donât you ever look back?â He whispered. âWhat are you afraid of?â He spoke once more looking into your eyes examiningly. A loaded question for sure, the duality of the question alone knowing where you were, seemed almost oxymoronic. However, you knew what he meant. It wasnât about this place; it was about you. You, yourself hadnât truly come to terms with it, not knowing your own reasoning for why you never did. He leaned in slightly further, putting literal pressure on you. You fought hard internally to answer but felt it impossible. How could you focus when he stood so close to you. Your mind felt like mush, processing thoughts became the hardest of chores. Why must he put you on the spot like this? You thought.
âI-I donât knowâ you muttered, still searching for an answer. âWere you scared of me? What people say?â He said leaning in closer. âHell no!â You snapped back. âYouâre the only person around here I actually think is real!â You replied without thinking. âIt's okay.â He spoke softly, reaching his hand to grab a lock of hair from atop your shoulder, twirling it in his fingers as he spoke. You were now flat against the wall in the hallway near the dining room where he had you pinned. âI know you watch me tooâ he said as he leaned in to whisper in your ear once more. Your chest heaved as you inhaled deeply. Your mind raced as your cheeks flushed red with embarrassment. Had he seen you watching him at the farm on occasion, or at the diner? You suppose that obviously he had for him to mention that, but thereâs no way he can know how you truly felt. The things you thought about him on a nightly basis when you were alone in your bed. The things you had imagined him doing to you as you gingerly slipped your hand beneath the waistband of your underwear to drown out the screaming outside with your own. Would he blush? He was so confident, so sure of himself. You wondered.
The familiar nightly rapping began at your doors as the creatures descended from the woods. Randall would be staying with you tonight. A fleeting thought so glaringly obvious yet it needed its own space and attention for you to acknowledge before it left once more, leaving a feeling of excitement and joy behind.
The noise had broken your concentration on each other as you both looked towards the direction of the sound. The voices murmured beyond the space of your home. No doubt saying the same things they did nightly, although tonight you had a feeling that they wouldnât be much of a bother to you. Randall had a way of holding your attention, and he wasnât leaving anytime soon.
Randall returned his attention to you once more. âLooks like Iâll have to stay here tonightâ he said confidently with a smirk that crept across his lips, lifting on one side. âIs there somewhere we can go in here where we won't be bothered by...â he trailed off as he gestured toward the door. âYeahâ you said clearing your throat. âFollow meâ.
You led him to the bedroom upstairs. It provided some solace from the noise but it wasnât completely unavoidable. It was the only bedroom in the house and the only space furthest from the door's downstairs. "We can sit hereâ, you motioned to the bed as you sat upon its edge. He followed you through the door sitting right next to you on the bed. The pressure from his weight on the bed caused you to lean into him, once again pulled by his gravity. You let yourself slip closer, blaming the motions of the mattress as it flexed. You wanted so badly to just melt into him, for him to hold you, and for you to lay your head upon his chest. He felt so close yet so far.
You crossed your legs and turned to face him. Looking up at him behind locks of brown waves that fell in front of your face. You motioned to move them, brushing them behind your ear giving him your full attention. He was facing you as well as you searched to find the words to speak. âYou donât even know my nameâ you said suddenly. A thought that never surfaced but only came straight out without a filter. Without You acknowledging it or accepting it. But you were right, you didnât even think he knew your name or much else about you.
âY/nâ he spoke defiantly. âEveryone knows everything about everyone around here, or at least they like to think they do. But yes, I do know your name y/n. I probably know a lot more about you than you think. I can tell a lot about a person just by watching them. Letâs call it a newly developed skill since living on the bus, Iâve become very observant. I also know that you know me, or are aware of me and for sure know my name considering the way word travels around hereâ he said cheekily while letting his eyes wander your body in earnest. A dimly lit room where you were closer to him than ever. He took his time looking at every aspect of you as if you were under a microscope.
âI'm not afraid of youâ. You spoke. âYeah, I hear what other people say, but I donât know them and I donât trust them. I donât think I ever will. The only thing that frightens me, is this place. But Iâll be damned if I just sit around and do nothing. If anything, those people had the right idea! No one here is safe, it's all security theatre! We might as well just fend for ourselves. Whatever Boyd is doing, is clearly not working.â
You felt as if you could speak safely and openly with Randall. You quickly discovered that you really enjoyed his presence, perhaps it was just from being alone for so long but you truly felt connected to him in some way, you didn't know why and you didnât really try to figure that out. For now, it was beyond your comprehension and you just found yourself going with the flow. You reminded yourself that this is probably the first time in a long time that you felt anything other than dread.
âI seeâ he said. âSounds like youâre just as tired of this place and the people here as I am.â He spoke once more. âBut I bet you wouldnât do what needed to be done if it were too much. Even to just forget for a whileâ he jested. âWhat makes you think I wouldnât? what gives you that impression?â You asked looking directly into his eyes. You truly wanted an answer. Did he think this was some kind of game? Of course, you would do what needed to be done in any respect or in any manner. Whether it be to forget for a night or to save everyone or anything in between. You scoffed once more at his sentiment; it was almost funny to you as much as it was slightly insulting. He continued teasing you in this way, little did he know, you liked it. He probably did know.
âI donât know. I look at you and I see someone with good intentions who wants to do what it takes or what is needed but beneath the surface I feel like, youâre too good, too timid, and too shy. Not that that is at all a bad thing, itâs hard to find someone with a heart as good as yours in a place as terrible as this.â You sat there, mouth agape, remarking at his words. Sure, there was some truth to it but you felt the same could apply to him. You could see he put off this hard exterior shell, but in reality, beneath the surface he was scared like the rest of us and hated to be alone. His rough demeanor was only a way to hide that. You saw right through it. However, there he went again thinking you were someone who wasnât capable or brave enough. Whether he truly though that or not, you would show him.
âYou think so?â You retorted deviously. You could feel the tension in the room as a thickness once again lifted in the air. The room felt hot and the air felt heavy. A surge of heat rushed to your core and you shivered slightly. Randall reached a hand out, placing it gently on your thigh and began tracing his fingers lightly from your knee to your hip, then grabbing your leg and pulling you closer to him.
The screams outside got louder as they approached and then moved on catching your attention, and drawing your eyes from him once more. You felt his hand lift from your thigh to your face, directing your gaze back to him. "I can help you tonight, and you could help meâ. He whispered, his face was soft, he seemed genuine as he caressed your cheek, watching and waiting for your reaction. You looked on, eye brows raised. You knew he could. In fact, you so badly wanted him to. This was just all happening so fast and your mind warbled trying to play catch up from the whiplash of a day you've had. The actions of the day swirling within your mind, unable to grasp at any single particular thought. âBut I bet you wonâtâ. He said with a sly smile in a toying manner.
His words spilled out of his mouth in a cascade of sarcasm. Thought he knew you, you thought, laughing internally. He definitely did and he was using a weakness he had figured out in his favor. Perhaps there were good intentions behind his teasing, you found yourself not caring. He had just unknowingly awoken an animal within you that had been asleep for so long. A primal urge washed over you as you rose to the occasion. He wanted to help you forget? Oh no, you would be helping him tonight! If you were anything, you sure as hell were not a coward. Your eyes narrowed as a calculating smile swept across your lips. You fixed your gaze upon him, examining him. What is it he should want you to do? You could think of a couple things.
You stood letting his hand slide from your thigh as you rose. His eyes followed you with that smirk still lingering on his lips. You stepped in front of him, nudging your legs between his knees, spreading them apart as you leaned in closer. Placing a hand atop each knee and kneeling further in until you were eye level with him. âIn what way would you want me to help you tonight, Randall?â you smiled innocently, mere inches from his face. You looked him up and down, stopping at his lips then meeting his eyes again. Shrugging your shoulders as if still waiting for his reply. You felt the muscles beneath your hands tense as his smile softened.
Randall slid one hand from your shoulder, up to your neck, stopping to caress your cheek. His eyes darted from yours to your lips before his hand slid gingerly behind your head to the nape of your neck, pulling you closer. You lifted your hands from his knees and placed them around his neck as his lips met yours in a fiery lock of passion. You immediately raised your knees on either side of his legs, straddling him and enveloping yourself into his kiss. Your heads tossing back and forth as you breathed sharply through your nose. His tongue heartily exploring your mouth. You pulled his tongue into your mouth, sucking on it before biting his soft pillowy lips and returning to the kiss with fervor.
Soft moans escaped your lips with every breath you took between kisses. You ran your hand over his chest feeling every curve and definition of his build as he used both hands to pull you closer onto him. Grasping your backside, a cheek squeezed in each hand tightly. You slid a hand under his flannel and he quickly shrugged it off, returning his attention to you. You were so enveloped in the feeling of him touching you. How long it had been you've waited for this, and how nice it felt. Your nightly fantasies becoming reality. You almost forgot what led you here, you didnât care. In this moment you were engulfed in Randall, and it was the most content youâve felt.
Randall wrapped his fingers in your hair, holding you to him as he feverishly attacked you with kisses of passion. Heavy breathing, teeth clanking, sloppy, messy, fucking fantastic. You had been slowly grinding on him as you continued kissing him. Moving your hips gently forward and back. You could feel his breath quicken as he began guiding you with his hands. Still grasping your backside, pushing and pulling you harder onto him. You could feel the wetness pool in your panties as you felt his manhood throbbing near his thigh. Only brushing against it slightly. You could feel Randall suck air through his teeth in a hiss as you continued to grind onto his length with his help.
He quickly tightened his grip, flipping you over onto the bed and standing in front of you. You took the free moment to remove your shirt, pulling it over your head, letting your hair cascade onto your bare shoulders, back, and chest. He remarked at your breasts for a moment before fumbling to kick off his shoes and undo his pants. You quickly reached out to stop him. âLet me helpâ you said in the same playfully teasing manner he had done so earlier. He grinned and put his hands up. âYouâre right.â He said then gestured âpleaseâ.
You chuckled lightly as you got down from the bed, kneeling on the floor in front of him. You looked up at him as you undid his belt. He looked on approvingly, watching as you disrobed him. The outline of his length against his pants was prominent. You rushed to pull his jeans down, then his boxers, revealing his manhood. It snapped up with force. It was quite substantial in length as well as girth, it throbbed a bruised red, glistening at the tip. You felt your core ache and your mouth water.
You grasped him at the base, taking hold of him while looking up at him. You wanted to see his face when you took him in. How smug would he be then? His face still carried that sly smile as if he thought he was in control. You gently licked the precum from his tip, eliciting a slight grunt from him as he reeled at the heat of your mouth upon him. How easy it was to break him you thought.
You continued looking up at him as you danced your tongue along his frenulum, encircling it with your tongue before slightly sucking just the tip and stopping to see his reaction. He moved to lift up his shirt, you slid your hand underneath the space he provided. You traced the veins that wound their way along his v line. His skin was so soft, yet firm. His build was so athletic and toned. Touching him made you dizzy, he was just so perfect, and tonight, youâd make him whimper.
He looked down at you, locking eyes as you opened your mouth taking him in fully. Doing your best to relax your throat and accept him, taking him in as deeply as he could go until your nose hit his mound. You could feel his hands quickly grasp your head, gathering your hair into a ponytail, held by his hands. He immediately moved to hold you there. Your hands pressed against each thigh on either side as you fought to hold your breath while your throat hitched and lurched, gagging on him. Saliva began leaking out from both corners of your lips as your face turned red and spots began to fill your vision. Tears streaming down your cheeks.
Just then he let you go, pulling you back before he could bust. You breathed in deeply, catching your breath, as he held your face with one hand, squeezing your cheeks between his grip, pouting your lips. âSo, fucking beautifulâ he said between gritted teeth before returning his grip to your hair, gathering it in one fistful and holding his shirt up with the other. Before you finish catching your breath, your mouth was on him once again. Sliding his length in and out of your mouth, hitting the back of your throat every time. You forced yourself to take him all in every time, to gag on him. You could feel his cock spasm, leaking a salty precum. Each time you felt it, a gasp would escape his lips.
He took a moment, letting go of your hair to take his shirt off before returning his grip to your head. He met each motion of your mouth with thrusts of his own as he threw his head back in ecstasy. Faint moans escaped his lips each time you took him in fully. You watched as he looked back down, his mouth open, gritting his teeth with each inhale. His eyes looked on innocently, pupils enlarged, eyebrows raised, meeting in the middle as he continued between watching you and rolling his head back. His thrusts quickened as he grabbed each side of your face before pulling you away.
You looked up at him with glistening puffy lips, wiping at the corners of your mouth as he pulled you up, meeting you with a sloppy breathy kiss. Your breasts pressed firmly against his sternum, he reached down to squeeze and paw at them with one hand as he held you close at the small of your back with the other. Your tongues glided against each other, swirling in and out of your mouths until his hands firmly pushed you back onto the bed. His face hardened once more with that smirk that he held when he was confident, when he had control.
You propped yourself up on your elbows, watching as he gently yet forcefully undid your jeans and pulled them off of you before sliding his own off, kicking them onto the floor next to him followed by his boxers. He then gently placed a finger from each hand under the waistband of your panties. Slowly he wiggled them off of you, revealing you fully to him. You lifted yourself slightly so that he could pull them off. He carelessly tossed them aside before leaning down to kiss you once more. The cold air down below sent shivers up your spine, but warmth quickly brushed up against you and you felt yourself buck into him almost instinctively.
Your back arched as he slowly peppered kisses on his way down. Starting from your neck leading down your collarbones to your chest where he paid particular attention to your breasts giving them the full attention they deserved. He squeezed them tightly while lightly flicking his tongue over your nipple. The cold breeze from his breath intensifying the pleasure. You could feel your breath hitch once more, you ached for him, needed so badly for him to be inside you. You could feel yourself dripping for him the anticipation killing you mentally and physically.
He continued on kissing down your abdomen, laying a kiss on your belly button, kissing each hip before following it down to your mound where he gently nipped at you. You gasped at the feeling as he slid both hands under each side of each thigh, pulling you towards his face. You felt your breathing quicken as his face slowly disappeared behind your mound. Only his eyes left peeking over watching your every reaction as he slowly licked you from top to bottom. Licking up every drop of your slick. You tried hard to focus on him, the feeling of the pleasure. Your head snapped back as his tongue pressed inside you. Tasting you fully.
You let out a cry, the feeling of his tongue moving in and out of you, driving you to the brink of no return. You grabbed his head with both hands pulling him closer to you grinding into his face. He pulls away, replacing his tongue with two fingers and quickly moving his lips to your throbbing clit. He began working his fingers in and out of you as he flicked your clit gingerly with his tongue, sucking it gently between his lips. You bucked into his grip. You could feel his mouth form a smile on you as you tried so hard to grind on him, pulling his face into you once more. He continued on, fucking you even harder with his fingers, you threw your head back once again, moaning loudly in ecstasy. You felt as if you were about to explode you tried to close your legs but he used both hands to forcefully push them back open and hold them there while continuing to suck your clit furiously. He watched as your face contorted nearing your end.
Before you could feel yourself approaching your climax, he pulled his face away, hopping up onto his knees and pushing them between your legs, spreading them open and pushing himself against you. You look up at him pleadingly as his eyes hungrily wander your body. He takes his hands grabbing a top of each side of your hip, pulling you up to him and onto his thighs where he kneeled on the bed. His cock perched right at your entrance. His thumb encircled your clit, another soft moan escaping your lips. He laid you back down flat as he moved in to kiss you once more. Slowly tracing along your tongue with his, allowing you to taste yourself on him.
You once again felt him press against your entrance. Your body defied you, it was eager to know what he felt like. It bucked against him autonomously of its own accord and own volition. Not that your mind didnât agree, it just wasnât fast enough to keep up with your primal urge to be bred by this man. As if sensing your eagerness, he lifted one of your legs to your chest and leaned against it slowly pushing himself into you. âFuuuckâ he said in a low growl as he pushed the tip in, forcing himself in the rest of the way. You clenched around him as he slid inside if you, filling you completely. As tight as you were, he slid in so easily because of how insanely wet he made you. You looked deeply into his eyes as he lay his forehead upon yours. Your eyes, staring at him in a pleadingly innocent manner, almost as if you were ready to beg. His expression was fixed, stern, and focused. He looked so fucking sexy you thought. Buried deep inside you. âRandall, fuck!â You moaned in his ear in a strain watching as he pushed himself to the hilt within you.
You watched as his face slightly contorted with each thrust, how his lips thinned, and his jaw tightened. How every muscle in his body tensed, squeezing himself tightly against you. Each push was met with a moan from you, and a grunt from him as he picked up his pace. His length fully filling you with each push, bringing you so close to coming once again. The curve of his cock hitting your G-spot with each upward thrust, your body quivered and your legs shook beneath him.
âFeels so fucking good inside me!â You cried. âSo fucking deep!â You moaned once more, arching your back and meeting each thrust of his with your own. He watched how you reacted and when he thought you were really enjoying yourself, he continued those actions. He didnât lie, he was very observant. You put your leg down and crossed them both behind his back, pulling him to you closer as he continued pounding into you, throwing your head back into the comforter that lay halfway on the bed beneath you.
His thrusts grew more aggressive as he panted above you, resting his hand upon your throat to steady himself, squeezing slightly. He slowed, slipping out of you and rising up as you whimpered. With one hand he gently tapped your side, motioning for you to turn over. You climbed onto your knees in front of him. You were postured on all fours spread open for him. He slid his hand down your back, pushing you down onto the mattress, laying your chest flush against the now messy sheets and blankets. The comforter now laid on the floor in a pile of puffy fabric.
His hands gripped both sides of your hips as he crept closer to you on the bed, kneeling just behind you as you lay with your face buried, and your ass in the air. He swung his hand back and slapped your ass cheek with enough force it echoed with a âcrackâ in the room and for sure left a red print of his hand. You jumped, yelping in surprise. He quickly rubbed the spot he had slapped, caressing the hot stinging flesh he left behind.
His length pressed firmly against your opening. With his thumbs he grasped each cheek, spreading you open for him as he pushed himself inside once more. He felt even deeper now, you cried into the sheets as you turned your head to look back at him. He continued holding onto your hips, digging his hands into the crease between your thighs and your waist. His fingers rested just beyond your bikini line as they applied pressure, pulling you toward him. "You're such a good girlâ He began fucking you furiously, each thrust with the sound of a slap. You liked it when he was rough with you.
You locked eyes with him, âuse meâ was all you could muster to say in your breathlessness. His eyes darkened and a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. You watched behind strands of damp hair as he continued thrusting into you, harder each time. His moans low an guttural. His thrusts also became faster, pounding into your slick wet cunt like an assault, pushing you further into the mattress until your legs lay flat underneath him. He held you there like that as he continued. Placing both of his hands on your shoulders. Your face buried in the sheets, you screamed each time he buried himself within you. He was so deep, it hurt. You could feel him slam into your cervixe with each push. But it felt so fucking good. One of his hands slipped to the backside of your neck where he continued pushing, leaning in closely to peck your sweat tinged forehead as his cock continued beating into your cunt. You mewled at him, still begging for more.
He quickly and suddenly rolled you on top on him. You straddled him on the bed, his cock still twitching deep inside you. âRide meâ he said demandingly. Looking directly into your eyes with a face you would never say no to. You would do anything he demanded of you. You lifted each leg to steady yourself on your feet while remaining seated, feeling him throb within you. Watching his face twitch as you shifted positions, how his eyes watched your every move.
You met his eyes and locked gaze as you slowly began to bounce on top of him. His hands rested upon your thighs, slamming you down as you went, lifting his head from the bed and throwing it back as you continued moving up and down his length. âY/nâ he whimpered as you clenched around him. He hissed, sucking in air through his gritted teeth, using his hands to help rock you forward and backwards on top of him as you rose and fell. His face softened as you used your hands to explore his body. Caressing his abdomen and chest, reaching to his face and gently dancing your fingertips over his lips, enveloping him in a passionate kiss as you continued to grind into him. You sat up once more watching his face as you rode him. He pawed at your heaving breasts as they bounced above him. Squeezing them and caressing them.
His breathing quickened and your body felt light. You could feel his body tense underneath you. Your motions slowed as you approached your own climax. Bouncing less and grinding more, his cock, hitting the right spot every time. He reached his hands to your hips, pulling you closer onto him, pushing you back and pulling you forward. You could feel yourself clenching harder around him, focusing on the feeling.
He was grunting and breathing heavy with each push against him. He locked eyes with you once more under a furrowed brow. Watching as you writhed, and moaned atop of him, because of him. He drew great pleasure in seeing you enjoy yourself. But so did you. Focusing on his face as he felt you envelope him, feeling you from the inside. âCome for me?â you said pleadingly. He nodded, squeezing your hips, rocking you back and forth on him harder. Up, down, forward, back.
You could feel yourself tighten around him as you approached the precipice of your climax. His cock swelling inside you. Your orgasm took hold, striking through your body. You quivered and convulsed on top of him crying out loudly as you came. âFuuuck, Randall Iâm coming!â Your breath hitched as your climax ravaged your body, causing you to breath as if you had just jumped into a cold lake. You froze as the convulsions sent shockwaves through your body. You could feel his cock begin to spasm inside of you as his movements slowed, holding you to him as he pumped his seed deep within your trembling cunt. A long low animalistic groan escaped his lips, almost like a growl as he came. Each twitch of his member, filling you with the warmth of his essence. His face scrunched as his body twitched beneath you with each wave of his orgasm that swept over him. You continued riding him excruciatingly slow, letting pearls of his essence leak out of you.
As both of your breathing began to slow he reached up pulling your face towards his, stealing a sloppy tired kiss. He pushed himself up, and you slid off of him laying next to him. He then reached over, turning the knob for the bedside lamp to shut it off before sliding closer to you. Laying on the pillow beside you and facing you, he intertwines his legs with yours. His still swollen member rest a top your mid thigh as he pulled you closer to him.
He pulled the comforter from the floor to cover you, looking down at you, with one finger lifting your chin for another kiss. He closed his eyes and pressed his soft lips hard against yours, breathing in through his nose. He continued kissing your face before cradling you to his chest where you held onto him raising and wrapping one leg around him, listening to his heartbeat and being lulled to sleep by it. âThank youâ you heard him whisper while kissing the top of your head as you drifted to sleep within his arms, thinking of how sweet he was and how you managed to find a sliver of happiness here. How lucky you must be, you thought. There was no greater comfort you could ask for than Randall. In a place where you were forever lost, Randall felt like home.
Tag List: @azirayphale, @degeorgetown, @iwantbloostoes, @l-o-t-t-i-e, @thekr2ken, @scarlets-phases, @the-kitty-cat-shirt, @bananapanpan, @emmy2811, @cafemirka, @kumisbaby, @ushygussy, @loving-the-dead16, @rosey1981, @ch3rrybbie, @girlinthegoldenchair, @hellolove137, @raffydesign @wowhowrudeofyou, @alllaboutangel, @lucillewinchester, @polishedsins, @pavvtron, @fallenvervain, @somerwolf13, @horpynaa,
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#randall kirkland smut#randall kirkland x fem reader#randall kirkland x you#randall kirkland x reader#randall from#randall kirkland#epix from#from fanfiction#from tv#from epix#ao3#pink dream ganja queen#from mgm
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im back
#bungo stray dogs#bsd#fyodor dostoevsky#nikolai gogol#bsd fanart#my art#what do you mean I wasn't gone#but I think it's been a while since I've posted anything#I'm slowly getting back to making elaborate drawings in color and all not just doodles#well these are doodles but#It's been a long time since I've really allowed myself to take the time to properly draw#I didn't have the time to really get seriously into it because of school#the school drained me of all my vital energy I'm not even being dramatic this time ugh#uuuh it's been a rude end of school year but now I have time#I will be able to rest and I really want to get back into drawing#the motivation is slowly coming back I think#so have these for now ! I'll post some other stuff later#take care everyone <3<3
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the never stop blowing up vhs is where cute twinks go to get harmed
#not art#nsbu spoilers#kirk blade.... johnny manhattan..... maybe tenuously cosmo chase#also genuinely I Love that vic ethanol is showing himself to be bit of a dick#and kingskin conversely First Actual Communication With The Player is like. idk I just work here#(I am vibrating in my seat abt liv bloodlust. shes experiencing a bit of emotional consequence. hope she powers thru it and#becomes even worse)#I also love that g13 and jack manhattan are both like. gone#I know in adventuring party they're charting it to shape up as like. usha also slowly losing herself to the work like g13 did#and them becoming one entity entirely in the sense that their selves stop mattering in the face of their hacker capacity#(also called the Forum Moderator Dilemma)#but I also like to think that g13 handed it back to usha cleanly in the second episode with that one interaction#and is now fully unplugged from everything. left the movie. man is Sleeping#we all agree that paula ate jack manhattan tho I think it's fine to assume that#and! the way russell has been like. fully going whole hog full tilt into helping other people and moving the plot along#while Suggesting That Doing Self Reflection And Learning Lessons From This World Might Help to Other People#like I love that. 1/lieutenant syndrome but also 2/extremely transfem coded#like past the ''ohh I have realisationd I'm coming to'' stage. far past. man is bored with thinking abt genders#not new realisation to him! had that thought two decades ago. not motivated enough by anything to change anything#I think I just love the scenario of like magical mystical journey in a fantasy world clearly designed to make you contemplate ur gender#and ur like oh no what? we did that years ago. whats up#deeply interested tho. open up russell we wanna see whats up with u#dang is perfect no note 10/10 more important than anything else he is genre aware and savvy and that truly is all he needs here#the ''let's make it fun'' scene he does with liv is SO good I love him. Im so scared the vhs will snatch him away. hes too genre perfect
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when i was in highschool one o my biggest coping mechanisms was drawing all the kids i hated getting killed and eaten and killed. and well. time is a slowly ascending spiral. you will find patterns.(i work as a blackjack dealer. gamblers are FASCINATING
#cw blood#luckys original content#ITS SMALL BUT ITS ART SO IT GOES ON THE ART BLOG#also wwaooooww its meee its my lil persona!!! i dont draw myself enough....#anyway i have bigger things in the works. im slowly but surely chipping away at a pd thumbnail for that pd thumbnail project#FINALLY COLORING. BUT COLORING IS SO HARD AND I HAVNT BEEN IN THE COLORING MOOD#SO IVE JUST BEEN MAKING RLY DUMB COMICS INSTEAD... OOPS..#idk if anything finished n polished will be posted here anytime soon. BUT i post wips of everything on my twitter#and i post jrwi exclusive wips on my slucky blog. you may look at those if u have Truck Art Wishdrawls. as many do. as many do#THIS BLACKJACK JOB IS RLY AWESOME BTW DONT GET ME WRONG#i work three 12-hour days ina row. i gotta take an hourlong bus up to the depths o the mountains and then#i get to stay in this delightful lil hotel that was built in an ooold hospital. its a whole casino town. and an OLD one at that#ITS GORGEOUS HERE. last week my bus home was delayed for 2 hours#so i finally got the chance to head to other casinos and try drinkin n gambling. lost ten bucks to a pretty girl. NOT the first time#i rlly wanna try it again!!! i love interracting w ppl and i love being inebriated in public bc im just so sweet and pleasant and friendly#and pretty girls LLOOOOVEE MEEEEE i think i just need to go to gay bars more#but theres fucking NONE HERE. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im collectin comrade queers up here tho#we wanna make a Group but we just gotta come up witha name first. i need something weird and strange#yknow i remember being in highschool. and being miserable n unmedicated. my mommas ultimatum was that;#if i dont drop out of highschool; i dont need to move out. she probably wouldntve kicked me out anyway bc my mommas sweet like that but#she REALLY wanted me to graduate. and i remember dreading that i might never do that#i remember feeling like the Resident Idiot. sweet but so so fucking dumb. it took me 7 years of strife n stress before i finally graduated#i remember worrying back then that i might not ever be able to handle myself out there. that i'd be too dependant on others#AND HERE I AM. DID U KNOW I WAS LOOKIN AT HOUSES A WHILE AGO? IM AN ADULT AND IM WWINNINNNGGGGGGG#IM RUNNING OUTA ROOM BUT HERES MY ADVICE TO YOU. BC I KNOW UR FUCKING SCARED TOO. THE ONE THING THAT SAVED ME.#THAT KEPT ME FROM SINKING INTO DESPAIR IS REMEMBERING ONE THING: ITS LITERALLY JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#MOST PPL YOU CAN JUST WALK UP TO N ASK A QUESTION N THEYLL ANSWER. THEYRE ALL NPCS THEYRE NOT REAL#LIKE IF U WALK INTO A BANK AND ASK HOW A DEBIT CARD WORKS THEY WILL HELP YOU#AND IF YOU THINK THEY HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES RELATING TO MONEY. YOU CAN ASK THE CUSTOMERS TOO. ITS JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#ANYWAY STAY SAFE KIDS HAVE FUNNNNN. IM GOING TO GO DO DRUGS NOW. HOPE U CAN DO DRUGS SOON TOO. I LOVE YOU
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in general i think im really tired of kirby antagonists that are like âohhhh this is the main antagonist- actually theyâre just being possessed and theyâre not actually responsible for their actions at allâ
#âŠ. i think thats why fanon dedede has started to annoy me sm sorryyyyyyyy#but really its just annoying seeing people get hostile towards any interpretation of dedede thats not kirbys bestie or dad#and that he was only ever antagonistic because he was possessed#like no he sucked before and he slowly improved and helped kirby of his own accord later! theres a character arc!#and hes a rival to kirby and will fight him but heâll fight for the greater good too#leongar was eh to me because i saw his deal coming from a mile away. i knew he was gonna be the decoy antagonist as soon as he was onscreen#i knew it was gonna be a corruption scenario again so i just didnt bother getting attached because i already knew his full arc#i think hyness is the one who truly irritates me the most though because hes the most disrespectful one and it weakens the whole game for me#like. i get what they were doing. the friend hearts purify everyone and bring out the best in everyone#and i dont really care for stuff thats like âthese are Fundamentally Bad people and these are Fundamentally Good peopleââ#but god damn it you dont even play as the stupid motherfucker. cant he be the ONE example of someone you cant chuck a heart at?#we already get something satisfying in the ââwe can save the worst peopleââ department with the void battle#why cant kirby just offer the heart to hyness only for hyness to bitterly reject it and fly off#i wouldnt be this irritated if hyness wasnt portrayed as a literal abuser?? someone who takes advantage of other peoples love for him?#his boss fight literally reflects this with how he forcibly controls the mage sisters and uses their bodies as weapons and forces them into#friend attack combos against their will. he is someone using the jamba hearts power to use the people around him#it wouldve been so potent and harrowing to leave his character on that note. but nah he was also corrupted or whatever and hes Fundamentally#Good. dont think about it!#hes also way too similar to haltmann again which just rubs salt in the wound for me. except this time he doesnt die horribly. yay.#like goddamn at least susie wasnt literally being abused by haltmann. she was there of her own accord and had her own motives#like i dont find it tragic when zan is desperately trying to save hyness and bring him back or whatever. i think she should get the fuck out#i find it tragic for HER and not in the way the game intended#im aware im talking about a game for 5 year olds but still. if they were gonna try to tackle heavy shit then they should commit#or at least play it like the dark matter trilogy when the stories werent as insane#echoed voice
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Bruuuh
#pre-menstrual emotionsâŠ.what a rollercoasterâŠ#negative thoughts lack of motivation things irritates and triggers me ready to cry at any moment anxious and depressive symptoms.#Now Iâm slowly coming back to my senses and all I can say is Alhamdulillah for Allahâs mercy#for not accepting or punishing me for my stupid thoughts behavior and duas.#Thinking back Iâm sometimes shocked by how I could think the way i did#im still in it but slowly getting back to my normal self lol#Itâs been a long time since I went through it this way.
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Hi! Just doodled a new character. Her name's Oriana, and she's an old friend of Ceci's.
[She's saying "read my mind!" while flipping Ceci off in her thoughts. What a classic]
I like her vibe.
#their dynamic is fun#it's childhood friends that have grown apart through the years; and due to mistakes on both sides became even more distant#and now they're trying to rebuild their friendship#almost like Imperio and Hisao but more fucked up I think#art#my art#oc#Ceci [oc]#Oriana [oc]#sorry I havent been posting much I've been having a weird time lately#not much motivation; but I feel it coming back slowly which is nice#I've been drawing digitaly way more lately. I forgot how fun it is!#I'm working on a project I wont mention yet but it's a fun and stressful one#ok I'll stop rambling
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What do you mean I have to get up and do the work if I wanna try to make money <- guy who has been doing work nonstop and needs to give it a fucking rest
#can finally do some delivery stuff and like. idk. i dont wanna get in my car at 7pm and start driving? i wanna stay home and make dinner#and maybe go to bed early. the bar is quite low. my god. i need to take a step back i think#i'm down to 4 work days a week! wanting to see if i can restructure how i view money and bills and start taking it even easier#i already have some motivation coming back! i wanna write actually! got my laptop out of my room and sitting in the living room#been slowly working on some art too and i'm hoping it'll keep getting worked on#thinking like. wanting to let myself start to relax as much as i can before i start jumping into other projects?#just to back off work and come back to some roots#thinking out loud; not feeling particularly bad! actually feeling pretty alright#shai speaks
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The day I decide not to hold back on my art and draw with no fear is the day society progresses đ«¶đŒ
#like sometimes i wanna draw certain things but then u remember on certain platforms (cough insta cough) u have a certain audience ig#and then u stare at that blank canvas and overthink what u might draw#ok how do I word things#like Iâm kinda a perfectionist so Iâm slow at producing art#but everyone says that practicing everyday is better#and slowly uâll get faster#if I drew something and posted everyday (which is something I want to do) I know Iâm probably gonna see cool results#but also art is something u should do to enjoy and ik u donât have to draw all the time for the sake of improvement#improvement vs leisure vs motivation in art is such a wacky edged sword#cause yeah motivation to draw is needed to but that comes from discipline#art is a mixture of discipline and passion#like yeah Iâm passionate about what I create but I need more discipline to get better and make more art#cause I love creating#but I also like consuming#Iâm a giant reader and like the inspo and enjoyment I get from reading and fics makes me happy#when I know I could also be using that time to do art#yet Iâm still getting inspiration from what I consume#like a feedback loop#anyway where was I going with this rant?#I donât want to hold back when I see a blank canvas thinking aboht what I like that my audience might like#like I love making Kirby art and wow so many of my followers came from those kirby art pieces I make Iâm really happy they connected#but also at the back of my head the next time I draw Iâm like should I draw Kirby again cause people like it?#I wouldnât mind but also I want to draw a bit of everything <3#with no added pressure on myself lol#so yeah the day I get over this and draw with no fear is the day maybe not society progresses but me progressing the way I want to#cause I have so many things I want to draw and create and write#iâll work on this soon I just needed to get my thoughts down#but one day the art world better watch out just saying#Bella rambles
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Writing Intimacy
i often see writers sharing a sentiment of struggling with writing kiss scenes which honestly bleeds into other portrayals of physical intimacy. i see it a lot in modernized styles of writing popularized by the recent trend in publishing to encourage short, choppy sentences and few adverbs, even less descriptive language. this makes intimacy come across awkward, like someone writing a script or clumsy recounting of events rather than a beautiful paragraph of human connection.
or just plane horniness. but hey, horny doesn't have to be mutually exclusive with poetic or sensual.
shallow example: they kissed desperately, tongues swirling and she moaned. it made her feel warm inside.
in depth example: she reached for the other woman slowly and with a small measure of uncertainty. the moment her fingers brushed the sharp, soft jaw of her companion, eliza's hesitance slid away. the first kiss was gentle when she finally closed the distance between them. she pressed her lips lightly to gabriella's in silent exploration. a tender question. gabriella answered by meeting her kiss with a firmer one of her own. eliza felt the woman's fingers curling into her umber hair, fingernails scraping along her scalp. everything inside eliza relaxed and the nervousness uncoiled from her gut. a warm buzz of energy sunk through her flesh down to the very core of her soul. this was right. this was always where she needed to be.
the first complaint i see regards discomfort in writing a kiss, feeling like one is intruding on the characters. the only way to get around this is to practice. anything that makes you uncomfortable in writing is something you should explore. writing is at its best when we are pushing the envelope of our own comfort zones. if it feels cringy, if it feels too intimate, too weird, too intrusive, good. do it anyway! try different styles, practice it, think about which parts of it make you balk the most and then explore that, dissect it and dive into getting comfortable with the portrayal of human connection.
of course the biggest part comes to not knowing what to say other than "they kissed" or, of course, the tried and true "their lips crashed and their tongues battled for dominance" đ. so this is my best advice: think beyond the mouth. okay, we know their mouths are mashing. but what are their hands doing? are they touching one another's hair? are they scratching or gripping desperately at one another? are they gliding their hands along each other's body or are they wrapping their arms tightly to hold each other close? do they sigh? do they groan? do they relax? do they tense? are they comfortable with each other or giddy and uncertain? is it a relief, or is it bringing more questions? is it building tension or finally breaking it?
get descriptive with the emotions. how is it making the main character/pov holder feel? how are they carrying those emotions in their body? how do they feel the desire in their body? desire is not just felt below the belt. it's in the gut, it's in the chest, it's in the flushing of cheeks, the chills beneath the skin, the goosebumps over the surface of the flesh. everyone has different pleasure zones. a kiss might not always lead desire for overtly sexual touches. a kiss might lead to the desire for an embrace. a kiss might lead to the impulse to bite or lick at other areas. a kiss could awaken desire to be caressed or caress the neck, the shoulder, the back, the arms etc. describe that desire, show those impulses of pleasure and affection.
of course there is the tactile. what does the love interest taste like? what do they smell like? how do they kiss? rough and greedy? slow and sensual? explorative and hesitant? expertly or clumsily? how does it feel to be kissed by them? how does it feel to kiss them?
i.e. examine who these individuals are, what their motives and feelings are within that moment, who they are together, what it looks like when these two individuals come together. a kiss is not about the mouth. it's about opening the door to vulnerability and desire in one's entire body and soul.
#writing help#writing tips#writing advice#how to write#on writing#fanfic advice#writing#creative writing#writing process#roleplay advice#rp advice#rp tips#*shrugs* twitter discourse brought me here
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Thinking about how I would write an adult Scooby-Doo series, because I think it can be done.
The first thing Iâd do is make the characters actually be adults. Still young, but adults, in the mid to late 20s range. Mystery Inc. is a private detective type business that they run together. In this universe, the supernatural/ghosts/etc are real, but not necessarily common, so when they take on a case, the culprit might be a person disguised as a monster, or it might actually be a real ghost. The stakes can be higher; sometimes a bad guy is legitimately trying to kill them. Sometimes the mystery theyâre trying to solve is a murder. Sometimes they actually get hurt on their cases.
Fred: the core of Fredâs character should be that heâs incredibly kind. Like, give a stranger the shirt off his back kind. The âFred canât talk to potential clients because he might take a case for free and we need to eatâ kind. Heâs an honest and good person and sometimes gets himself into trouble because he assumes other people are too. While heâs not very good at reading people or noticing ulterior motives, heâs brilliant when it comes to mechanical or engineering type stuff, so heâs the one who keeps the mystery machine running, builds their gadgets, and of course, designs the traps.
Daphne: she comes from old money, and her parents absolutely despise her life choices, to the point where they havenât officially disowned her, but they have basically cut her off, so she doesnât actually have access to any family money. Growing up wealthy has granted her a variety of skills, including speaking multiple languages, horseback riding, and fencing. Sheâs very into fashion and jewelry (even if she canât afford it anymore) and has extensive knowledge of both that can occasionally provide a vital clue in a case. And even though her parents have cut her off, Daphne still has a wide network of contacts she can ask for favors sometimes, because sheâs personable, and people tend to like her. Daphne is also very emotionally intelligent, and is usually the one who can spot when someone is lying to them.
Side note - I ship Fred and Daphne, so I think I would start them off as an established couple for this universe. Dating, engaged, married, I donât care. They are stupidly in love, ride or die for each other. Thereâs no will they, wonât they, no worries about cheating. They are in a healthy, happy, loving relationship, and no one (not even Daphneâs disapproving parents) are going to mess that up for them.
Velma: she is the forensics nerd who sometimes gets super excited about the wrong thing at the wrong time (âHe was mummified in seconds? Thatâs so cool!â âVelma! His wife is standing right there!â âOh. Sorry.â). Sheâs not purposely insensitive, she just gets laser focused on her work and forgets to filter herself sometimes. Sheâs also the one who can get so fixated on solving whatever mystery theyâre working on, sheâs willing to bend or maybe break laws. Is breaking and entering really so bad? Not if it gets them answers.
Shaggy: he is still the comic relief, but heâs the comic relief by being the only person in the group that actually has common sense. He manages the businessâs finances, heâs the only one who knows how to cook, and the others tease him for being a coward sometimes, but Shaggy maintains that if a ghost with an axe is coming for you, running is the only sensible option. He should also have a range of random knowledge that sounds useless, but sometimes saves the day (ex ventriloquism, origami, the history of spoons, etc).
Scooby: as this is a universe where supernatural creatures exist, Scooby is an ancient eldritch type being that took a shine to Shaggy when he was a kid, and took the form of a talking dog to befriend and hang out with him. Aside from the talking dog bit and not aging, he never uses his powers in a way that anyone notices. The audience is not told upfront that Scooby is an ancient eldritch being; it should slowly be hinted at throughout the series so the audience put it together, but the characters never realize it. Scooby genuinely considers Shaggy to be his best friend, and cares about the rest of the gang too.
#ink speaks#scooby doo#i like the vibes of a grown up scooby doo#where they're part of a mystery solving business#it needs to be a monster of the week type deal#so that it can play around with the character dynamics#because i think that's fun#long post
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Ditto [s. todoroki]
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â summary: when you transferred to U.A., you didn't anticipate slipping on a pair of chopsticks in the middle of the crowded cafeteria during your first week. however, what was more surprising was the unexpected fall for the boy who gracefully caught you.
â pairing: shouto todoroki x fem!reader
â genre: fluff, strangers to friends to lovers
â word count: 13.1k
â warnings & tags: sfw, female pronouns are used, usage of y/n l/n, Class 1-A are now third-year students aka 18+, swearing, the usual U.A. chaos, reader has a Quirk, misunderstandings, some training violence, minor injuries, mentions and discussions of insecurities, aizawa briefly belittles the reader as a form of motivation, beginnings of a panic attack but it's cut short, there is one instance of the reader appearing to be âflushedâ in regards to a fever, since this is my first bnha fic some characters might be ooc? | please kindly let me know if I missed any tags!
â author's note: AHHHH HERE IT IS! I've been working on this for almost a year now and I am so excited to finally share it with all of you. Honestly, I didn't think I would ever finish this story, but I kept slowly chipping away at it thanks in part to the encouragement from @andypantsx3, @missrosegold, and @getstarried. Special thanks to @pikatsum for beta-reading this for me! Thank you girls. This is for youđ«¶đ»
The cafeteria at U.A. High School was a pretty chaotic environment, you quickly learned within your first week after transferring from another Hero Course in the countryside. There were multiple things that could and would happen after the famous students had gotten some much-needed nutrients in their systems.
It was only three days into the school year and nothing had happened just yet, but in the U.A. world, that something was overdue.
The first chaotic event of the year that everyone had been anxiouslyâor in some cases, excitinglyâwaiting for happened on Thursday.
The day started off average; you got to school with three minutes to spare, which was a new record, but you had forgotten your pencil pouch in your dorm room, so you had to borrow some pencils from a girl who sat in front of you; Mina Ashido.
âThank you,â you whispered as you took the pastel pink utensil from her. There was even a cute little fluffy puffball at the end in exchange for an eraser. Good thing you had an eraser in your bag.
âNo problem! I gotcha!â She physically lit up and gave you a bright smile before turning back to focus on the blackboard.
You somehow managed to get through your morning classes running on the four hours of sleep you got the night before. You were cutting it quite close to passing out at your desk during calculus class, but you were saved by the lunch bell.
As soon as you stepped foot into the hallway, you were wrapped up in the faint, delicious scent of your favorite food coming from the cafeteria. Your mouth instantly watered, and you made a mad dash for the source of the delicious scent.
âHey!â a sharp voice made you freeze in your steps. You glanced over your shoulder to find Tenya Iida, Class 3-Aâs representative, glaring at you. The light reflecting off his glasses made him appear more threatening than he really was, but regardless, you still found yourself shying away from his harsh glare and rapid-moving hands. As they passed by, some students gave you apologetic smiles while others were not shy about openly staring at the scene before them, wondering what you possibly could have done to induce the wrath of the student representative. âThere is to be no running in the halls!â You cowered some more at his brisk and overly formal tone.
Geez, what a stuck-up, you thought to yourself.
âMy apologies, Iida.â You respond with a bow. He accepted your apology with a curt nod before he continued on his way to the cafeteria.
You waited for him to pass before rising from your bow. âWow, he makes it feel like I broke the law or something.â You mused aloud.
âDonât take it personally,â a comforting voice said from behind you. You turned to find Momo Yaoyorozu, Ochako Uraraka, and Tsuyu Asui standing before you. Ochako gave you a slight wave in greeting. âIida can be quite demanding,â Yaoyorozu reassured you.
âThank you.â
Tsuyu regarded you with gentle onyx eyes. âItâs L/N, right?â
You smiled, happy that she remembered your name from roll call. âY-yeah! Iâm Y/N L/N.â You introduced yourself. âI, um, already know who you guys are.â You suddenly felt shy, and you bashfully rubbed the back of your neck out of nervous habit.
Before your transfer was finalized, you did extensive research into your future schoolâs history and future classmates. Thankfullyâor unfortunately, depending on how you look at itâa lot of information is public knowledge; the various attacks on the school in the year leading up to and the conclusion of the War between the Paranormal Liberation Front and the Heroes, not to mention the various televised sports festivals, and the fact that the members of Class 1-A are practically household names even before their graduation.
The girls invited you to sit with them in the cafeteria. You had been keeping to yourself the first few days of school, choosing to observe from afar the already established social circles and friend groups. You had waited for an invitation to join one of said groups, and here was your opportunity.
The four of you made small talk as you made your way through the lunch line and to the table. Right away, Asui told you to call her by her given name. You told them about your life growing up in the countrysideâwith you and Uraraka bonding over your shared reason for becoming Pro Heroesâabout the friends you had, embarrassingly funny stories from your junior high days, and eventually what led you to transfer to U.A.
âWell, this is the best Hero Course in the country!â you all laughed. âBut to be frank, the only teacher at my old academy who could handle my Quirk retired, and none of the other academies within the prefecture had the resources to help me advance. Plus, my mentor is an U.A. alumnus, so naturally, the only other choice was U.A.â
Yaoyorozu hummed. âIt is a shame about your mentor retiring, but that is what led you to transfer to U.A., and for that, I am grateful.â The class vice representative regarded you kindly. âI am a firm believer of things happening for a reason, and your transfer doesnât change that.â
Uraraka nodded her agreement. âMomoâs right. U.A. is a place where anybody can make a difference, and I think you will find success here.â
You were rendered speechless. The tips of your ears turned red as your classmates regarded you with so much hope and sincerity in their eyes. âUh . . . I,â you bashfully scratched the back of your head. Not knowing how to respond, you instead reached for the small bottle of milk on your lunch tray and brought it to your lips.
However, before you could take a sip, a BOOM erupted from the front of the cafeteria, accompanied by a gruff voice yelling, âDonât walk in front of me, Icy-Hot!â You reflexively jolted at the loud noises and lost your grip on the glass, spilling the half-full bottle all over the front of your uniform.
âShit,â you exclaimed as you instinctually rose from your seat, only to quickly sit down again when the liquid started to fall to the floor. The girls gasped and were quick to hand you all the napkins in the vicinity.
âAre you okay, Y/N?â Asui asked as she watched you pat down your sodden skirt.
âYeah, Iâm okay.â You waved off her concern as you continued to wipe away the remaining liquid. The napkins managed to soak up most of it, but your skirt was still damp. If you didnât change skirts, you were going to smell of milk for the rest of the day, and you didnât want to start off the school year with a reputation for smelling vile. âIâm going to go back to the dorm really quickly and change into a clean uniform. Please let Mr. Snipe know that I will be late for class.â
âDo you want us to accompany you?â Yaoyorozu asked. She began to rise from her seat, but you stopped her.
âNo, no. Iâm okay, really.â You gave her what you hoped to be a reassuring grin instead of a grimace. âThank you for offering, Yaoyorozu, but Iâll be fine.â Before your classmates could respond, you stood from the table and made your way to the exit.
Great, this is just great, you thought as you walked, not really paying attention to where you were going. As soon as I make some friends, I make a fool of myself.
Unbeknownst to you, there was an obstacle in the aisle directly ahead. You were too distracted by your growing inner turmoil to notice the pair of metal chopsticks lying on the ground before you until your foot made contact and slipped out from under you.
It all happened so fast that you couldnât even react.
Time froze as you became weightless, and you felt your body become briefly suspended in the air. Before you could react and rotate your body to prevent yourself from violently banging your head on the tiled floor, gravity took hold and yanked you back down toward the ground. You squeezed your eyes shut, not wanting to witness your classmatesâ reactions to your misfortune.
Great, now Iâm gonna embarrass myself in front of the entire school. Fuck you, chopsticks.
You prepared yourself for the pain of hitting the hard floor but were shocked when you were suddenly wrapped in a chilled warmth. You did slam into a hard surface, but this didnât feel like the cold tile you expected.
âAre you all right?â a voice asked from above. You opened your eyes, only to find yourself captivated by a beautiful graphite and turquoise gaze. Your mouth opened to respond to the inquiry, but you couldnât speak. This strange yet calming gaze hypnotized you, causing the rest of the world to fade into a buzzing silence. You watched as the perfect eyebrows of the owner of those magical eyes furrowed downward at your prolonged silence, the action momentarily drawing your attention.
With your attention span no longer zeroed in on the heterochromatic gaze, the world around you suddenly slammed back into your senses at full force. The volume of your fellow classmatesâ conversations was deafening at first, but your ears grew accustomed once again to zone them out and focus on the person before you.
It took about thirty seconds for the entirety of your current predicament to register within your brain.
You were hanging about ten centimeters off the ground. The only thing keeping you upright and injury-free was Shouto Todorokiâs firm grip on your wrist.
âUm, hello?â the dual-haired teenager once again drew your attention to him. His grip slightly tightened before he tugged you up onto your feet.
âI think you broke her, Icy-Hot.â A rough voice drawled from your peripheral.
The intrusion of the other voice is what finally brought you out of your stunned silence. âNo, Iâm okay. Not broken.â
âDid you hit your head?â Todoroki inquired. He steadied you on your feet but didnât release your wrist from his hold. Katsuki Bakugou was standing off to the side, trying to appear like he wasnât involved with either one of you.
âI-I donât think so.â As you reached down to brush yourself off, you caught a whiff of the unflattering scent of old milk emitting from your clothes. You held back your gag and turned to face Todoroki and Bakugou. âIâm sorry to rush, but I really do need to go.â You gave a quick bow. âThank you for catching me, Todoroki. Bye!â
The two boys watched you sprint away like a bat out of hell. âTâfuck is her problem,â Bakugou muttered. âFuckinâ extra makinâ me late for lunch.â
Todoroki didnât respond to his classmateâs remarks. His lips pursed together as he watched you nearly run into a couple of first years before you disappeared around a corner, out of sight.
âDonâ even think âbout it, Icy-Hot.â Bakugou drawled from beside him. Todoroki cocked an eyebrow, the only sign of emotion on his otherwise indifferent expression. âGettinâ involved with âhat extra will ruin your precious bloodline.â
You tried to forget about the cafeteria incident, but the embarrassing ordeal refused to secede from the forefront of your mind. As you lay in bed that night, your thoughts ran a hundred kilometers a minute, antagonizing and overanalyzing every second of what had happened.
As the night dragged on, your thoughts shifted from the overall event to one single individual: Shouto Todoroki. You knew who he was, of course. You didnât grow up underneath a rock. Yet, you werenât prepared for how much more handsome he was in person than on the news or in photos.
You overanalyzed everything he did in the brief two minutes you were blessed to be in his company, every word he said, and every brief flash of emotion that showed in his heterochromatic eyes. Todoroki had tried to approach you after training in Ground Beta once you had returned from the dorms, but you avoided him, not wanting to face him again so soon after the embarrassing first meeting.
By Sunday, you had begun to forget about your embarrassing cafeteria incident. Your newfound friends didnât bring up the spilled milk, and thankfully, they didnât see you slip on the chopsticks and fall into Shouto Todorokiâs muscular arms. You breathed a sigh of relief when you found out that last part. You didnât want them to think you were a total klutz.
Todoroki may think otherwise.
As you were rounding the corner to walk back up the stairs to head back to your dorm room, Todoroki happened to be walking down. You both turned at the same time and walked straight into each other.
He wasnât fazed by the sudden collision; however, you were taken completely off guard. No matter how strong you may be, suddenly walking into about a hundred kilos of pure muscle would make anyone stumble. While he remained steadily standing, you, on the other hand, fell back onto your ass.
It took about three seconds for the two of you to comprehend what the hell had just happened. You groaned out when pain flashed across your backside.
âMy apologies, I did not see you.â Todoroki said as he offered you a hand. You begrudgingly accepted his assistance, face heating as your super handsome classmate helped you to your feet for the second time in a week.
âThank you,â you bowed your head to him. You brushed away some dust from your sweatpants, finding yourself too shy to look back up.
You felt a firm, yet gentle hand land on your shoulder. You jerked your head upwards to meet Todorokiâs captivating gaze. âAre you injured?â His heterochromatic eyes searched you for any injury, and they glimmered with relief when he found none.
âNo, Iâm okay,â you reassured the male. âI may be a little bruised in the morning, but I will be fine.â Not to mention my bruised ego.
Todoroki hummed in acknowledgment, his hand still resting on your shoulder. His eyes were hyper-fixated on you, leaving you to feel bare under his intense gaze.
You shifted your weight back and forth as the silence between you dragged on for a couple more seconds. âUm, Iââ You cleared your throat. âI should be on my way now. Got things to study, you know.â You told him with an awkward laugh.
You moved to step around him when it became obvious he wasnât going to move. Your movements are what must have shaken him out of his stupor, with him bashfully stepping to the side to allow you access to the stairway.
âRight.â He said as you walked by. âTake care, Y/N.â You startled at his sudden usage of your given name, but nevertheless, you felt oddly relieved. You smiled shyly and bid him goodbye. Nothing else was said between the two of you, but you felt his eyes on you as you walked up the stairs.
I hope he likes cinnamon; you thought as you peered into the oven.
To be fair, you should have considered that before laboring for over two hours making kinako cinnamon cookies from scratchâwhich absolutely failed. Therefore, as a last resort, you were forced to run to the store and buy a box mix.
The he in question?
Shouto Todoroki.
It had been several days since your embarrassing first interaction with the dual-haired male and forty-five hours since your second, literal, run-inânot that you were keeping track, of course.
You wanted to do something nice for him as a way to apologize for your newfound clumsiness and thank him for his assistance in both instances. Your calligraphy skills were not . . . up to par, so to say, by any means, so a handmade thank-you card was off the table, and you highly doubt Todoroki was a flower guy. Not to mention his affluent background, so buying him a gift or offering to take him out to dinner was nullâand way too straightforward for two people who were barely even acquaintances.
Therefore, you were left with only one option: homemade cookies.
Besides, all the old aunties back home always said the quickest way to win anyone over was through food.
âOoooh, something smells amazing!â someone exclaimed from the stairway. Smiling slyly to yourself, you turned away from the oven to the new arrival.
You hadnât interacted much with Rikido Sato save for the casual good morning greetings and thanking him for the delicious red velvet cupcake he baked for you as a welcoming gift to U.A.
âThanks,â you said, grinning at the male.
The combined low mutterings of more approaching classmates brought your and Satoâs attention to the doorway where Mina Ashido, Eijirou Kirishima, Denki Kaminari, and Hanta Sero were entering the dorm.
âWoah something smells fantastic!â Kaminari said, gazing into the kitchen in hopes of spotting the source of the delicious scent.
âYeah, it does!â Kirishima agreed.
âOh my gosh, what is it?â Ashido asked as she walked over. Her eyes lit up when she spotted you. âL/N! Did you make something?â
âI did.â You confirmed with a slight nod. âIâm making kinako cinnamon cookies.â
âOooooh, yummy!â the pinkette exclaimed as she bounced over to peer into the oven. Your other classmates quickly joined her, all of them staring into the soft, golden light of the oven with stars in their eyes.
âThey look so good!â Kaminari was practically drooling at the tawny treats. At that moment, the timer went off with a soft ting! You politely shooed your classmates back as you pulled a hand towel over your hands.
âStep back, everyone,â you warned as you opened the oven door. âTheyâre going to be hot.â You carefully reached in and grabbed the cooking tray, cautiously sliding it off the rack and fully into your cloth-covered hands. Despite taking precautions, you hissed as the hot aluminum seeped through the towel and made contact with your flesh. As quickly as you could without dropping the pan of cookies, you turned and set it down on the kitchen island.
âThese look delicious!â
âWoah, man, they look amazing!â
âI bet they taste as scrumptious as they loââ
You zoned out the boysâ compliments as you moved to the sink and turned on the tap.
âL/N, are you okay?â Ashido asked as she followed you. Her question caught the other's attention, and they, too, turned to watch you quizzingly.
âYes, Iâm fine.â Your response ended with a wince as your skin made contact with the cool water.
âHere, let me see,â Ashido gestured to your hand. With your permission, she took your wrist with gentle fingers and held it up for you both to inspect. Your skin was reddened slightly, but it wasnât anything serious. You let out a sigh of relief. âItâs not serious, thankfully, but we should still put some burn cream on it just in case,â Ashido advised as she turned off the tap.
You nodded your head again and followed the pink-haired girl as she went to retrieve the first-aid kit. Before you walked too far from the kitchen, you shouted over your shoulder to your classmates, âPlease donât eat the cookies, boys! They are still hot and are for someone special!â
There was a noticeable delay in response to your warning. After a pregnant pause, there was a muffled, âokamph!â in response. You were about to turn around and make sure that they werenât eating your treats, but Ashido calling your name changed your plans.
âLetâs fix you up, yeah?â She said as you both entered the girls' bathroom. Ashido gestured for you to sit on the counter while she dug through the first-aid kit for burn cream.
âThank you, Ashido,â you said a few moments later as she lightly applied the cream to the worst of the reddening. Your skin wasnât blistering, which was a good sign, but it was beginning to ache.
âNo problem,â she replied. She began to gently rub the cream into your skin, mindful of the sore spots. She beamed at you as she said, âAnd you can just call me Mina. We are friends!â
You smiled at her. âOkay, Mina.â The two of you were silent for a couple of minutes as Mina continued to dress your burns.
âSo,â she started, breaking the silence. âWho did you make the cookies for?â
You sharply inhaled. âW-what? What do you mean?â You tried to play it off by playing dumb, but Mina gave you an are you kidding me look.
âDonât play that game with me, girl.â She scolded you. âSo, tell me, who is this âspecial someoneâ?â
You let out a heavy sigh, dropping your shoulders in defeat. âOne of our classmates. . .â You trailed off, turning away from the pinkette, and absentmindedly twirling a strand of hair around your finger.
Minaâs eyes lit up and her eyebrows shot up to her hairline. âOh my God, seriously?!?â She squealed. You turned to face her again. âGirl, you absolutely gotta tell me! Who is it?!â She went to grab ahold of your hands but stopped herself when she remembered your injury. âSorry.â
âItâs okay.â You said. âBut, um, Iââ You hesitated, searching for the right words, but you couldnât find them. âIâm sorry, but I canât.â You said, barely above a whisper, turning away from your classmate once more in embarrassment.
Mina leaned back, taken by surprise by your change of tone. She studied you for a few seconds, her expression falling when she saw the look on your face; the clenching of your jaw.
âItâs okay, girl,â she reassured you. She set the roll of bandages down on the counter as she finished wrapping your hand. âYou donât have to tell me who your crush is if you donât want to.â
You whipped back around to face her, eyes wide. âC-crush?!â you stammered out. âW-what?! I donât have a crush! I never said I did.â you explained.
âYeah, sure,â Mina smirked at you, her eyes sparkling with mischief. âYou wouldnât of baked cookies for them if you didnât like them.â
âUm, because Iâm nice?â you asked with a lilt in your voice. Mina does have a point, though, you thought.
Mina laughed. âYeah, sure. Letâs go with that.â
A couple of minutes later, you and the pinkette exited the bathroom, laughing over something Mina had said. Your hand had been expertly wrapped and treated with some burn cream. Your injury didnât even hurt anymore, but you were still going to check in tomorrow with Recovery Girl as a precaution.
As you rounded the corner to go back into the kitchen, you stopped dead in your tracks as your eyes fell to the now-empty pan where twenty cookies sat not even ten minutes ago. Mina stopped next to you, and you could see her giving you a questionable look, but you didnâtâcouldnâtâacknowledge her. You just stared blankly at the pan, trying to process what you were seeing.
What the hell? you thought.
âAh, man,â a voice drawled out. You slowly turned towards the source; Denki Kaminari. He was lounging against the counter as he rubbed his stomach for emphasis. âThose cinnamon kinako cookies were delicious!â Your brain blanked out when you heard that, the organ pathetically trying to comprehend and respond to the current situation.
âYouâre telling me!â Kirishima piped up from beside the blond. Sero and Sato voiced their agreement from where they were seated on the couches. âThey really hit the spot after the day I had.â The redhead noticed you and Mina. âHey, guys, welcome back!â he greeted with a wave, a broad smile overtaking his features. âHowâs your hand?â
You did not formulate an answer right away, your brain still processing the crumbled remains of your cookies. Your delay didnât go unnoticed by the others, but before they could question it, Mina came to your rescue.
âItâs okay! Y/N is alright, nothing major.â She informed them. Kirishimaâs gaze left you to focus on the pinkette by your side, but Kaminariâs remained transfixed on your blank expression.
âOh, well, thatâs great to hear! I was worriedââ
âBut you should be ashamed!â Mina cut the redhead off, tone sharp as a blade. âAll of you.â
âWhatâ?â
âMina, whyâ?â
Kirishima and Kaminari spoke at once, their voices clashing, but the pinkette interrupted them once more.
âY/N didnât make those cookies for you.â She said. âShe made them for someone special, yet you guys ate them even after she told you not to.â She just about bit the last part out. The boys gaped at Mina, her scolding catching them by surprise.
âIs that true?â Sato asked, rising from the couch to approach you. Everyone fixated their attention on you, waiting for a response.
You hesitated at the sudden limelight, and also in shyness. When you originally set out to bake the kinako cookies for Todoroki, you didnât expect them to 1.) burn your hand and 2.) for them to be eaten by others. Even though you were upset, you didnât want the others to be ashamed or scolded. But they did eat them after I told them not to, you thought, pondering your next move.
After a few moments, you squared your shoulders and steadily said, âYes. I . . . made them for somebody.â At your words, the roomâs atmosphere soured. The boysâ shoulders slumped as they realized their mistake.
âShoot, L/N, Iâm sorry,â Kaminari said, stepping forward to gently grab your uninjured hand and bow.
âYeah,â Kirishima added, scratching the back of his neck and looking away slightly. âThat wasnât really manly of us.â
âYeah, sorry,â Sero intoned, looking sheepish.
Sato came to stand in front of you next to Kaminari, who still had a gentle hold of your hand. âIâll be more than happy to remake the cookies for you.â He said. âIf you want that, of course.â
You smiled, though it was closed-lipped. âThank you, Sato, but not today.â He bowed his head.
Suddenly, the front doors slammed open, startling the six of you. You all watched, shell-shackedâyou did, at leastâas a fuming Bakugou stepped inside, loudly exclaiming, âI had âhat dumbass villain handled! Damn Sidekick extra jusâ had to step ân andââ He noticed your little group gaping at him. âThe hell âre ya fools lookinâ at?â As the words left his mouth, the other two members of the infamous U.A. trio entered as well.
âKacchan,â Izuku Midoriya said, trying to placate the explosive male. âHe was just trying to . . .â The rest of his sentence fizzled into the background as the entirety of your attention span landed on Shouto Todoroki.
It had already been well-established that the youngest Todoroki son was even more handsome in person, but seeing him in his Hero costume did things to you. Your mouth almost dropped open to gawk at his god-like appearance, but you clenched your jaw tightly shut to avoid that catastrophe. Despite that, you were pretty positive your eyes were as wide as saucers, greedily taking every inch of him in as if it were the last time you would see him.
I should sue him for the cost of my medical bills when I develop heart palpitations, you thought.
âShut the hell up, ya stupid nerd.â Bakugou snapped at a sputtering Midoriya, drawing your attention once more. You could practically see the steam coming out of his ears.
âIs he always this angry?â you asked under your breath; half-serious, half-rhetorical.
âOh, yeah,â Mina confirmed, voice just as low.
Sero snickered from his post next to Sato. âYou get used to it after a while,â he reassured you.
One of Kirishimaâs blinding smiles makes its appearance once again. âKatsukiâs always been passionate about, well, everything.â He told you, not bothering to lower his voice. âItâs who he is. We love him regardless.â
Sato chimed in with, âPlatonically.â The boys snickered and Mina rolled her eyes, yet there was a small smile playing on her lips.
âEven though his sour attitude can be harsh and lowkey over the top,â Kaminari began, eyes shining with mischief. âIt sure makes him fun to mess with!â Your companions groaned in exasperation and started to voice their reservations.
âNo, Denki. Leave him beââ Mina urged him.
âAwe, come on, man. Donâtââ
âHeyy~ Katsuki,â Kaminari crooned, rocking back on his heels as the pale blondâs attention zeroed in on him. Kirishima and Sato facepalmed. âWhy have trouble catching a âdumbass villainâ?â he teased. âBad day? Your head not in the game?â The hair on your arms rose to attention as an electric charge swept the room, putting everyone on edge. Kaminariâs baiting also drew the attention of the explosive maleâs companions. Your eyes briefly met captivating graphite and turquoise, eliciting a sharp gasp to leave your lungs.
âYouâre gonna regret the day you were born, dumbass!â Bakugou bellowed, pointing an accusatory finger at the electric blond, snapping your attention from the hypnotizing gaze. You fully expected him to charge the male, already taking a cautionary step back, but instead of explosions ripping apart the building, Bakugou grunted and moved towards the showers.
Mina turned to the blond and shouted, âNow why did you do that, Denki? You know better than to rile Katsuki up like that!â
Kirishima dragged a large hand down his face before running it through his unruly red locks. âIâll go check on him,â he announced before jogging after the sandy-blond. You were at a loss for words as you continued to watch your classmates scold a shit-grinning Kaminari, not even the tiniest bit remorseful for his teasing of Bakugou.
âPlease donât take Kacchanâs rashness to heart.â A new voice piped up. You turned to meet the electric green gaze of none other than Izuku Midoriya, the new generationâs proclaimed Symbol of Peace. âIâm s-sorry, I donât think we have properly met. Iâve been in and out of campus latelyâwith missions and such.â He practically skipped over to stand in front of you. He smiled brightly as he gently took your hands in his large, calloused ones. âIâm Izuku Midoriya. Iâm so happy you are here at U.A.!â he excitedly exclaimed, lightly squeezing your entwined hands. You couldnât hide your wince and small gasp of pain as Midoriya unknowingly squeezed your burns. The green-haired male let go of your hands so fast as if he was the one burned instead of you, eyes growing wide. âOh my gosh, are you okay?!â he asked, noticing the bandages wrapped tightly around your hand. Midoriyaâs frenzy caught the other's attention, and all eyes were on you yet again.
The tips of your ears grew hot at the unwavering attention from the Heroes-in-trainingâespecially from a certain icy-hot male who made your heart falter in its beating. âY-yeah, Iâm f-fine.â You stuttered as you met each of your classmate's gazes, trying to reassure them of your stability.
âWhat happened?â Todoroki inquired, eyes hawkishly zeroed in on your face.
âU-um, well . . .â you trailed off, words fading from your brain as you slightly cowered under his unwavering attention. âIââ
âShe burned herself while baking kinako cookies,â Sero spoke for you, having caught onto your growing anxiousness. You didnât miss Todorokiâs eyes narrowing at the black-haired maleâs words. Sato and Kaminari made noises of agreement, the blond absentmindedly rubbing his stomach in content.
Midoriyaâs eyes shined. âReally? You did?!â He looked behind you to the kitchen, eyes searching for the aforementioned treats. âWhere are they?â he asked when he didnât spot any, only a plate littered with crumbs. He turned his attention back to you. You opened your mouth to answer, but a wave of shame overcame you as your eyes once again met those of the one you had made the cookies for.
Mina noticed your hesitation, giving you a knowing look as she answered for you. âThe three idiots to your left ate them all,â she said with a little bite to her words, glaring daggers at the culprits. âAfter they were specifically told not to.â She reaffirmed. The boys shuddered at the reminder of their disobedience. The pinkette turned her attention back to the green-haired and dual-haired males. âI patched her up, though. The burns are minor.â
Midoriya nodded his head in understanding. âYou should still see Recovery Girl,â he instructed, unashamedly expressing his concern for someone he had just properly met. âAt least let her take a look at it.â
âIâm going to stop by to see her in the morning,â you reassured him, words coming back now that your mind was a little clear. His shoulders slumped in relief.
âYou should rest, Y/N.â Todorokiâs searing gaze trailed over your form, calculating eyes searching for any additional outward signs of injury or discomfort. âAfter suffering an injury, no matter how insignificant, rest is important.â He softly chided.
âR-right.â You stammered out, at a loss for how else to respond to your handsome classmate's concern other than compliance. A wave of exhaustion washed over you at that moment. Your feet stumbled as you became lightheaded for a split second. You noticed the dual-haired male take a step towards you, catching onto your sudden exhaustion, but you quickly rightened yourself. âThank you, Todoroki.â Youâre not exactly sure why you thanked him, or what for. His concern, perhaps? He subtly nodded as you turned from the small group, breathlessly mumbling some sort of farewell and something about retiring to your room for the rest of the day.
The others muttered their goodbyes as you made your way to the stairwell.
As you walked up the stairs, head hung low, your throat began to burn and your vision began to blur with tears. The first one fell when you reached your floor, quickly followed by a couple more. You wiped them away, sniffing, as you made your way to your door. You didnât react to the sudden presence next to you and the weight draped around your shoulders.
Mina didnât say anything, only traced comforting circles into your back as tears flowed freely down your cheeks.
The next day, you and your classmates were gathered outside Gym Gamma for an impromptu training session. You were surprised that Class 3-A still regularly trained together, but in your defense, that assumption came from someone who didnât have many options when it came to sparing partners up until your transferâa major shortcoming in retrospect.
âToday we are working on âlast standâ combat.â Mr. Aizawa drawled in his natural I Donât Give A Fuck tone. âClose-quarter combat in which a violent assailant has obtained the upper hand and corners you in an attempt to defeat you.â He proceeded to explain the instructions of the training exercise and pair the students into groups of four who would take turns being the Heroes and the assailants.
âMidoriya will be with Jirou.â Mr. Aizawa intoned, briefly glancing at the two students to confirm they heard. âTodoroki will be with L/N.â Your muscles stiffened when you heard that. Your heart began to race as you watched the red-and-white-haired male make his way over to you.
âH-hi,â you greeted him, giving a soft smile.
âHello,â he said, politely inclining his head. âI look forward to working with you.â
âSame here.â You said before facing forward once more as the first group began their round. You and Todoroki observed the match in silence, with you paying extra attention to your classmatesâ movements and taking mental notes of how they incorporated their Quirks into hand-to-hand combat.
The sound of approaching footsteps drew your attention. Expecting the new additions to be Ochako and Asui, you turned to greet them with a warm smile but paused when instead of your friends, Midoriya and Kyoka Jirou were standing next to you, both with warm expressions on their faces.
âHi!â Midoriya greeted with a wide smile and a small wave. âIâm excited for this training exercise! Itâs going to be so cool to see everyoneâs improvement with hand-to-hand combat over the break! And any new moves! Or Quirk Awakenings! Orââ You had a hard time keeping up with what he was saying as it turned into a stuttering rant as he went on about each individualâs Quirk.
The rumors were true regarding his ramblings, you mused to yourself, wondering how long he could go on for before a small hand on his shoulder made him take pause.
âMidoriya,â Jirou intoned. âCalm down.â His cheeks flushed a bright red. He began laughing nervously while absentmindedly rubbing the back of his neck.
âS-sorry,â he said, shyfully.
âItâs okay,â you reassured him. âI agree with your stance, though. Observing others' skills is an effective way to improve your own. Get an idea or two.â You turned your attention back to the ongoing training, taking mental notes of your classmatesâ fighting stances and their defensive moves, trying to get a better understanding of the why behind them. You pulled a small item from your jacket pocket, absentmindedly rubbing it between your thumb and forefinger. The movement caught Midoriyaâs attention.
âWhat is that?â he asked, green eyes alight with curiosity.
âWhat? This?â You held up your good luck charm; a small, pink parrot keychain from a popular cartoon series you had won years ago at one of your hometownâs summer festivals. It was lucky because at the moment, while little you were trying to win, your Quirk had manifested. âItâs my good luck charm,â you explained the pink parrotâs value to you.
âOh, cool!â Midoriya exclaimed. âYou know, I used to have a good luck charmâit was my super rare exclusive All Might trading card! First edition!â His eyes shined as he reminisced. âI would bring it with me everywhere! Even Kacchanââ
âDeku,â drawled a low voice from the other side of your gathered class. The temperature fell as Bakugouâs vermillion eyes narrowed onto Midoriya. âDonât say another word.â
âHeâs such a fanboy.â Jirou chuckled, fondness seeping into her voice. Midoriya smiled sheepishly, not bothering even to try to deny the label. You spent the time until your groupâs turn getting to know the two, quickly finding out that you and Jirou share the same taste in music; vowing to swap playlists after class. You were so caught up in your conversation that you almost forgot about Todoroki's presence, if not for the awareness of a body next to you. His chilled warmth seeped into your muscles, causing you to relax one moment, and tense up another.
âAre you all right?â he softly inquired, spying your tensed posture.
âYeah, Iâm good.â You replied, softly smiling but it didnât reach your eyes. âJust a lilâ nervous, is all.â
Todoroki frowned slightly, not understanding how you could be experiencing anxiousness. âWhâ?â
âOh yeah!â Midoriya suddenly interjected. âThis is going to be your first time demonstrating your Quirk, huh?â he asked you. âOr at least this is gonna be the first time I will see it. What is it again? Objectânoâum, yeah, anyway I bet it is awesome!â His eyes still shined with his enthusiasm and curiosity. âSometime you gotta let me ask you about it! I have so many! Does it work like Ochakoâs Zero Gravity? Or Yaoyorozuâs Creation?â
You couldnât help but give a small laugh at his eagerness. You had never met someone as enthusiastic about Quirks as Izuku Midoriya. It was kind of refreshing to interact with someone as passionate as he was.
âKind of,â you began, silently pondering over what you know of the brunetteâs Quirk and comparing it to your own. âOchako and I have the same limitations when it comes to the weight of an object, but besides that, our Quirks are different.â Your Quirk was object manipulation; you could telepathically manipulate objects within a certain range. To you, your Quirk wasnât all thatâwasnât anything unique by any meansâbut to others, you were seen as a powerful goddess. âTo be honest, Iâm lacking in hand-to-hand combat skills.â You sheepishly smiled.
âReally?â Midoriya asked, blinking in shock. âI thought your previous school would have prepared you for all types of situations.â Jirou nodded her agreement with the green-haired male. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Shouto continue to observe you with a calculating expression on his face.
âUnfortunately, no.â You shrugged. âTheir curriculum was more focused on improving the individualâs Quirk than learning how to fight without it.â
âOh, wow,â Jirou said. âThat could put you at a great disadvantage down the line.â
You nodded. âYeah, I know. Thatâs whyââ You were cut off by Mr. Aizawa calling for your group to begin your training round. âWelp, this is it, I guess.â You chuckled nervously.
Midoriya gave you a reassuring smile. âYouâll do great!â he said, giving you a thumbs-up accompanied by a warm smile.
âDo your best,â Jirou added before moving towards the training pitch.
You started to follow, but a cool hand on your shoulder made you pause, shivering softly. You turned to find Todoroki giving you an expectant look. âYouâll do fine,â he said, confidently. He looked as if he put his entire faith in you. âIâll be by your side the entire time.â
You felt a surge of confidence fill you at his words. You gave him a determined look. âRight,â you said. âWe got this.â
You swear up and down his eyes twinkled when he looked at you, but it could have been a trick of the light. âYou got this.â He replied, softly. The two of you walked into the pitch together, side by side.
The training went . . . not terrible, but it could have been better on your end.
Todoroki, Midoriya, and Jirou were amazing. Even without using their Quirks, they each were a force to be reckoned with. You were captivated by how swiftly they movedâas if they were ballerinas performing Danse des Petits Cygnes.
You werenât on the same level as them and the rest of Class 3-A. You knew that, and you acknowledged it, but to see and be confronted by it so bluntly in person made you feel a whole other level of embarrassment and shame. You werenât weak by any means, you could hold your own in a fight for some time, but not like your classmates couldâand had.
Perhaps that is what separates you from your classmates. They have battle experience. Hell, they fought in a fucking war for crying out loud while you were on the other side of the country, guarding civilian shelters. You were fortunate not to see much bloodshed, but maybe that brought you to a disadvantage against these future Heroes surrounding you.
The horn had sounded as Jirou pinned you in the dirt for the sixth time, signaling the end of the round. You heard the sounds of Midoriya and Todorokiâs scuffling come to a halt from somewhere off to your left as Jirou lifted herself off of you. She offered you a hand as you began to rise from the ground. You accepted her extended hand with a grimace as the muscles in your back burned.
âNice work.â Mr. Aizawa said as the four of you approached. âYou performed adequately,â he addressed Jirou, Todoroki, and Midoriya. He turned to you. âYou, not so much.â
You flinched as the words landed home. Damn, you thought, but heâs not wrong. You had naively allowed yourself to believe that Eraserhead wouldnât call out your inferiority, at least in front of others. Then again, he was Eraserheadâinfamous for his bluntness and apathy.
âYour skills are greatly lacking in hand-to-hand combat,â he continued. âI havenât seen somebody so physically inadequate since your classmates were first years. Coming from another Hero Course, especially one with its reputation, itâs to be expected that youâre not up to par with your new classmates, but I didnât think it would be this bad.â As he spoke, he never broke eye contact with you, scrutinizing you. Even with one eye, his unrelenting gaze made you feel as if he could see every minuscule detail about you. âBased on the performance I saw today, it was a mistake to put you in this class.â
You heard a gasp from one of your classmates; its owner unknown. You gulped down your shame and remained silent. You had a feeling Aizawa wasnât finished with you.
âFrom here on out, I expect you to train harder and push yourself further than anyone else. Extra training, extra classesâanything that will make you catch up.â His eye narrowed. âIf I do not see substantial improvement in one month, you will be expelled. No exceptions.â
Your eyes widened, but your shock did not stop you from replying. âYes, sir.â You said, keeping your tone neutral as you mulled over his words. Although extreme, I understand the reason for Mr. Aizawaâs methods, you thought. Heâs right though. Iâm far from even scrapping the level these guys are on. I need to be more disciplined and work even harder if I want to stand on equal ground with my classmates. Resolve made, you promised, âI will go Plus Ultra!â
âYaass, Y/N!â Mina cheered. âWoohoo!â
Aizawa didnât say anything else to you, promptly dismissing the class. Midoriya praised your performance and commented on his wish to sit down and talk in-depth with you regarding your Quirk. You promptly accepted his request, telling him you would let him know when you were free. He smiled before walking off to join Iida and Ochako.
âIf it means anything,â a voice suddenly intoned from behind you. You spun around, having not sensed the person's approach. You werenât all that surprised to find Todoroki there, softly regarding you. âI think you did well.â
You scoffed but smiled softly. âThank you, but you donât have to patronize me. I have a lot of work to do if I want to catch up.â
âYou will,â he declared, before quickly clarifying, âCatch up. Especially with my help.â
You furrowed your brows. âExcuse me?â
âShould I repeat myself?â he inquired, his heterochromatic eyes swimming in mirth. âI will assist you in your training and classes.â
You didnât respond right away, regarding him with suspicion. You waited for him to name a condition for his help, but when he offered none, you relaxed. âThank you, Todoroki.â You inclined your head. âI greatly appreciate it.â
âShouto,â he corrected.
You blinked at him, taken aback. âWhat?â
âShouto,â he reiterated. âYou may call me Shouto. We are friends, are we not?â
You gaped at him for a moment, processing his words. âYe-yeah!â you said a little too loudly. âWe are friends, Shouto.â
The small smile that graced his lips lit up your entire world and caused your heart to speed up, pounding almost painfully against your ribcage. âMeet me here tomorrow after class.â He instructed.
âTomorrow.â You repeated in confirmation.
His smile grew a little wider. âSee you then, Y/N.â He said before turning on his heel and strolling away. You watched him go in a daze, in disbelief of what just occurred.
âOooooooo, Y/Nâs gotta date!â
You shrieked at the sudden voice and spun around for a second time to find Mina standing there, hunched over laughing at your reaction.
âMina!â you shrieked, placing a hand over your heart. âYou scared the shit outta me!â
She continued to laugh. âSorry,â she said once her laughter died down. âYou were so entranced with Todoroki that you didnât even realize I was here!â
âOh, yeah right.â You responded, playfully rolling your eyes. The two of you began to walk to the dorm. âI wasnât entranced with him.â
The pinkette gave you a look of disbelief, an eyebrow raised. âYeah, sure,â she retorted. âYou can lie to yourself all you want, but you ainât lying to me.â
You scoffed but didnât attempt to refute her claims. You put your hands in your pockets and looked to the ground, lost in thought. Mina didnât say anything else, allowing you both to walk in silence.
The next afternoon, you met Shouto at the training grounds outside Gym Gamma for your first tutored training session. He regarded you kindly as you slowly approached, suddenly feeling quite bashful.
âThank you for offering to do this, Shouto.â You said when you arrived. âIt really means a lot. I donât know how Iâm going to repay you.â
âThereâs no need for repayment.â He softly responded. âI volunteered to assist you. Therefore, no repayment of any sort is necessary.â
âAre you sure?â you asked. âI donât want to inconvenience youââ
His soft call of your name made your next words die in your throat. âI assure you, this is fine.â He said. âYour company and attention are substantial enough.â You felt your face warm at his admission. Shouto gestured towards the training pit. âShall we begin?â
He started by teaching you some stretches that are supposed to help decrease sudden muscle spasms and strengthen them. Afterward, he had you show him the little knowledge you had of hand-to-hand combat to gain an idea of where you stand in regard to U.A. training. Once you had demonstrated the few kicks and different styles of punching you knew, you turned to judge Shoutoâs impression.
Your breath caught at what you saw.
His handsome features remained stoically blank for the most part, but the pursing of his lips and slight furrowing of his brows spoke a different tale. He grumbled something under his breath that sounded a lot like they didnât prepare you at all, but you werenât one hundred percent sure.
âShouto?â you inquired, voice slightly uneven as your mouth formed the syllables of his name. âIs everything alright?â
His beautiful eyes snapped to yours, and once again you were frozen by the intensity with which he looked at you. His gaze was calculating, and you could just about see the cogs turning in his brain as he silently regarded you. A couple long moments later, his lips parted on an exhale and he finally addressed you.
âWe have a lot of work to do.â He declared. âBut we already knew that.â You slowly nodded your head, curious as to where he would be going with this conversation. âThankfully, youâre not completely helpless,â he intoned dryly. âEven though you donât have many skills regarding physical, non-Quirk combat, I have identified several places where we can start, correct, and then build on.â
You steadied yourself, resolve firmer than ever before. You declared, âIâm ready.â
Shouto gave a quick, but detailed, overview of his plans for your âtraining tutoringâ, you referred to your sessions as. He was going to teach you everything he thought you should knowâwhich was everything he knewâin order to successfully become a Hero people could rely on.
The two of you began by improving your physique. You joined him on his early morning run along with Midoriya and Bakugou, who welcomed you with contrasting fervor. When you met for your afternoon training, you would run five kilometers before learning various grades of combat moves, and then concluding your time together by sparring.
It was established early on that neither of you would use your Quirks during your tutoring as the two of you were well-adapted to your respective Quirksâand the strict rules regarding their usage.
For the next several weeks, you worked tirelessly on your training, and your dedication and hard work paid off. At your end-of-the-month assessment, Aizawa was pleased by your rapid and exceptional improvement and announced you could stay at U.A. He also informed you that it was never his intention to expel you in the first place, but nevertheless, he was impressed by your efforts.
You and Shouto continued to grow closer as time went by. You still had your training tutoring sessions in the afternoons, and you became a regular on his early morning runs. You even hung out outside of class and training; preparing pre-workout meals and drinks together, and various study sessions at all hours of the day and night. Once, you even packed him a small canister of his favorite brand of soba noodles for lunch one of the weekends he was interning at his fatherâs Agency. When he came back to the dorm after his shift, he made a beeline for you and promptly informed you that from then on out, you would be solely responsible for packing his lunches.
âNow why would I do that?â you implored. You crossed your arms, awaiting his response. âAre you gonna pay me?â
Shouto slowly blinked at you in the way a cat would. âWhy would I compensate you for an action you chose to do?â
You had no retort for that.
As you spent more time together, you noticed some changes. Shouto would stare at you for seemingly no reason, and whenever you called him out on it, he feigned innocence. He also sought you out more often, insisting on walking to your next class or to and from the dorm by your side. He even began to occupy you on your shopping runs, dutifully holding your bags for you. And whenever you would thank or compliment him, his whole demeanor would light up as if Aphrodite herself had shown favor towards him.
You werenât any better, though.
If Shouto would do so much as even blink in your general direction, your heart would soar and butterflies would take flight in your stomach. At first, you brushed it off as nerves for being the subject of the Shouto Todorokiâs attention, but you were in denial, not wanting to admit what was actually occurring. Looking back, you realized that deep down, you had known all along what was happening, but at the time, you werenât ready to admit itâto yourself and him.
Regardless of your rebuttals and lack of admission, you were falling for your dual-haired classmate, hard and fast, and there wasnât anything you could do about it.
3 months later . . .
âY/N! Itâs starting! Youâre gonna miss it!â Ochako shouted from the couches, the other girls of Class 3-A surrounding her, all dressed in comfortable loungewear. It was the class's annual Girlâs Movie Night, which was held every couple of months. Tooru told you earlier that week that they would like to have it more often, like once a month, but given their hectic and ever-changing schedules, the girls had to settle for every few months. They took turns who got to pick out the movie. It was Minaâs turn this time. True to her nature, she selected an early 2000s chick flick set in the States.
âHold on, wait for me!â you hollered back as you finished pouring the freshly popped popcorn into a large bowl, a few kernels spilling out as you whirled on your heels to sprint into the living area. You nearly tripped over Jirouâs legs as you practically threw yourself towards the last remaining free spot on the couch.
âAh, sorry!â you exclaimed as you settled yourself into the cushions, checking over Jirou and your popcorn bowl. âDid I miss anything?â
âNo, itâs just starting,â Momo said, taking a sip from her cup of tea as the opening credits began to roll.
âOoh, this is one of my all-time favorite movies!â Mina squealed next to you. âHave you ever seen it before?â she asked.
You hummed, acknowledging her question. You thought hard, trying to recall if youâve ever seen the characters on the screen before. âIâm not sure,â you said. âI donât think so.â
The pinkette gasped aloud and theatrically placed a hand on her chest, sprawling backward. âY/N! You wound me!â
Across the room, Tooru piped up from her spot next to Asui. âHow could you not have?! Itâs only one of the greatest movies ever made!â
âOh, Iâm not so sure about that,â Ochako interjected. âGonna have to disagree.â You expected them to start arguing back and forth over what is truly the greatest movie ever made, like your friends back home would have done, but they donât. Mina stuck her tongue out at Ochako before turning back to the movie.
You all watched the movie in relative silence, save for the light background noise of popcorn moving around in a bowl and slurping from a now-empty straw. It was nice, peaceful; a well-deserved and appreciated respite from the grinding hustle of being Pro-Heroes-in-training.
âJust confess already!â Jirou shouted at the screen as the main character allowed another opportunity for them to confess their feelings for their classmate slip through their fingers. âGosh!â A corner of your mouth curled at her irritation. A few grumbles of agreement sounded from the others as the movie continued playing.
You had to stifle your laughter as the main characters continued to pine after one another, completely oblivious to the otherâs growing feelings. I canât believe there are actually people in the world who are like them, you silently mused. Itâs so obvious they like each other. I canât believe they donât see it.
âUgh, the anticipation and pining is killing me!â Tooru cried out, her slippers moving frantically in the air as she kicked her legs.
Asui raised a brow. âI thought youâve seen this movie before?â
âWell, yeah, I have,â the invisible female said. âBut the suspense still gets to me!â
âIt is quite intense.â Ochako agreed. âI hope they confess soon. It hurts to see them think the other doesnât return their feelings.â
âI donât understand how they cannot.â You admitted, shrugging your shoulders. The girls turned to look at you as you continued, âI mean, theyâre so obvious.â
âYeah, itâs kinda annoying at this point,â Jirou mumbled.
Mina snickered. âY/N, as if youâre one to talk.â
You gave her a questioning look, eyebrows furrowing. âWhat do you mean by that?â
âOh, come on. Youâre so obvious, too, with your crushââ
You cut her off, âI do not have a crush.â
âYou have a crush?â Asui asked. You and Mina responded at the same time.
âNo, I donât.â
âYes, she does.â
âWhat is this about?â Momo inquired, reaching for the remote and pausing the movie.
âNothiââ you began but was swiftly interrupted by the pinkette next to you.
âY/N has a crush on Todoroki!â
The girls gasped and gapped at you, eyes wide.
âI do not!â You said, face burning as you tried to mitigate the situation. âWeâre not like that!â
âOh my.â You thought you heard Momo say under her breath, but you couldnât really hear since Tooru started shrieking with glee.
âYou guys would be the cutest couple!â she exclaimed, jumping up from her spot on the couch and racing over to pull you into a tight embrace.
âI mean, it does make sense given they spend so much time together.â Ochako mused, a finger on her chin as she considered the situation.
Asui jumped on the bandwagon with, âOh they are definitely into each other.â
âOne hundred percent,â Mina agreed.
âGirl, you gotta spill the tea!â Tooru exclaimed as she pulled away. âTell us everything!â The others voiced their agreement.
âI do admit, I am curious as to how this relationship came to be,â Momo vocalized, setting her tea cup down onto its saucer. âThat is if the two of you have gotten that far into your companionship.â
You blinked at the midnight-black-haired woman, shock clouding your brain for a moment as you processed her words. âUm, n-no. We arenât in any type of r-romantic relationship.â You clarified, but immediately you could tell certain people thought your answer was complete horse poop. âWe arenât!â
âRegardless, you guys are pretty close,â Ochako interjected. âIâve seen the way you look at him.â
Jirou nodded in agreement. âAnd all the extra training you do together.â
âThe early morning runs,â Asui added.
âOkay, okay,â you threw your hands up in a placating manner. âI understand what you guys are trying to get at, but youâre wrong.â
Mina came to stand beside you, giving you a knowing look. âGirl, Y/N,â she began. âYou can try with all your might to deny it, but itâs obvious what is really going on between you and Shouto.â She placed a delicate hand on your shoulder. âAnd I know you know it, too.â
You stared at the pinkette, pondering her and the otherâs words. You wanted to continue denying what they were saying, but you were getting tired of denying your feelings to yourself. You slumped your shoulders, the tension leaving your body as you resolved to come clean with the truthâto yourself and your friends, besides a certain dual-haired male. âAlright, fine.â You let out a heavy sigh, mentally preparing yourself for their reaction to your next statement. âI like him a little.â You confessed, looking at the floor, too afraid to meet any of their gazes.
The room was dead silent for two breaths before Mina erupted in choking laughter. ââA littleâ? Yeah RIGHT!â She laughed so hard that tears began to stream down her pink cheeks. After she managed to calm down a bit, she turned to face you fully, laying a hand on your knee. âGirl, youâre lying to yourself.â She told you, tone light yet serious. âWe have all seen the way you look at Shoutoââ the others nod in confirmation. ââand your eyes tell it all.â
You flinched as embarrassment flooded you. âIs it really that obvious?â you asked. You turned to the others to gauge their reactions. âAm I?â They all nodded.
âDefinitely.â
âFor sure.â
âWe could see it from a mile away.â
You gasped. âOh my,â you covered your face with your hands. âDo you think Shouto knows?â
âI doubt so,â Momo said. âShouto is quite intelligent and a formidable force to be reckoned with, but as Iâm sure youâre aware, his experience and understanding of social concepts and cues are fairly limited.â
âIn other words,â Jirou interjected. âHeâs none the wiser.â
You released a sigh of relief. At least he doesnât think Iâm a psycho stalker or something.
âHey, give him some credit, guys,â Ochako remarked. âTodorokiâs more aware than heâs given credit for.â
âMoving on,â Mina said. âHave you thought about confessing your feelings to him?â
You crossed your arms over your chest, shamefully looking away. âNo. . .â
âWhat?!â
âReally?!â Tooru shouted. âBut heâs so hot!â The sleeves of her shirt crossed in front of her. âI would do anything to be his girlfriend.â
You laughed. âWhile you are correct about his handsomeness, I donât even know where I would begin or how I would confess.â
âYour feelings are valid, Y/N,â Asui assured you. âConfessing oneâs feelings for another is a life-changing occurrence.â
âYou gotta do it before graduation in a couple months, though,â Ochako added. âIf not, then you may never get another chance to do so.â
âWhy do you say that?â you asked. âAs Pros, wouldnât we work together often? Why does it need to be before we graduate and turn Pro?â
âPossibly, but with our chosen line of work, there is always a possibility. . .â she trailed off with a grimace.
You understood immediately. âOh.â
âAlthough rare in the line of duty, it does happen.â Momo said. âI wouldnât worry about that though, but I agree with Ochako.â
âPlus,â Mina began, mischief glowing in her eyes. âIf the two of you get together before you make your Pro Hero debut to the world, you wouldnât have to worry about him falling in love with some random civilian he rescues on the street or another Pro.â
You nodded. âYou have a point.â
âEither way, I think it will all work out in the end,â Ochako said, her cheeks widening with her smile. âI think perhaps Shouto returns your feelings, and just simply doesnât know what to do about them or how to address them, therefore you should tell him.â The other girls voiced their agreement.
âYeah, it doesnât have to be some big romantic gesture or anything,â Jirou said.
âJust be honest with him, Y/N,â Asui said.
âYeah, girl,â Mina added, giving you a warm smile when you met her gaze. âYou got this. Besides, he canât reject you. Youâre too hot for that.â
You squared your shoulders as a burst of confidence filled you thanks to the encouragement you received from your friends. âOkay, I will!â you loudly announced. âI will confess my feelings to him!â
The others cheered as you all held up your lemon water in a faux toast. In your happiness, none of you noticed the shadows shift in the stairwell and the soft noise of retreating footsteps on the wood.
You were screwed.
âHow am I gonna tell him!?â you mewled aloud a couple of days later in the cafeteria. You dramatically slumped your forehead on the tabletop, mentally kicking yourself for allowing the girls to convince you that confessing your crush would be an easy endeavor. You felt a reassuring pat on your shoulder. Groaning, you lifted your head from the table to shoot puppy eyes at Ochako. âOchako, help me!â you cried. âHow do I confess?â
The brunette gave you a sheepish smile. âI donât know, Y/N.â She professed, her eyes apologetic. âProclaiming one's love for another isnât really my strong suit.â
âAinât that the truth,â Asui mumbled under her breath before taking a sip of her drink, receiving a glare in response.
âY/N, sweetie,â Mina cooed from your other side. âI think youâre overthinking it a little. It shouldnât be but so hard. Just be honest with him!â
âBut that is hard!â you said, waving your hands in the air. âI canât just walk up to him and say, âhey, Shouto, I think youâre really hot and amazing. Wanna go out with me?ââ
âSure you can,â Momo intoned, trying to reassure you. âMaybe not in those exact words, but when the time comes, you will know what to say.â
âI hope so,â you sighed, slumping your shoulders. âI hope so.â
As time passed, you found that you did not, in fact, know what to say when the time came to confess your feelings to Shouto Todoroki. Whenever you were near him, you became tongue-tied and could barely speak without becoming a stuttering mess. During each interaction, Shouto would give you a long, confused look, his eyebrows drawn downwards as he watched you struggle for words. He wouldnât comment on it, bless him, but he mustâve thought you to be a total weirdo.
Yet, he still accompanied you on the walk back to the dorm every day after classes ended, and he insisted on continuing your training sessions every weekend after he finished his shift at Endeavorâs Agency. The two of you grew closer, to your absolute delight, and yet you still hadnât managed to work up the courage to confess your feelings to him.
Until one day . . .
You were sitting in homeroom during free period, chatting with Midoriya about the latest episode of the rebooted All Might: The Mightiest Man TV series.
âIâm telling you, Midoriya,â you said. âIt doesnât matter how much the animation and special effects have improved, the original will always be better than the reboot.â You crossed your arms and lounged back in your chair, waiting for the forest green-haired male to start sputtering his counterargument. âYou canât change my mind. I will die on this hill.â
âAre you seriously sayinâ?â
A call of your name from a familiar tenor drew your attention. You turned towards the source to meet a pair of heterochromatic eyes. Shouto was making his way to your desk, coming to a stop right in front of you. You had to tilt your head back in order to maintain eye contact. After a moment, he turned his attention to Midoriya next to you. âPardon me, Midoriya, but I need to speak to Y/N in private.â
You and Midoriya gaped at the dual-haired male for a good twenty seconds before you slowly rose from your seat. âO-okay.â You turned to face your green-haired companion. You hoped your eyes were conveying your inner panic as you said, âMidoriya, Iâll be back.â
All he could do was nod as he watched you follow behind Shouto, wondering why you looked so panicked to go with the male. Maybe you were constipated.
As Shouto led you toward the classroom door, Ochako and Mina shot you curious glances. When you met their gazes, they gave you a reassuring smile and a thumbs up, respectfully.
âGood luck, girl!â Mina whisper-shouted.
âYou got this, Y/N,â Ochako said. You tried to match her comforting smile with your own, but it didnât reach your eyes.
You followed behind the dual-haired male, silently wondering what was going on. Once you were outside the classroom, he led you down the hallway to a little corner nook bathed in the golden light of the afternoon.
âShouto, is everything okay?â you asked, anxiously shifting from one foot to the other. âIs something wrong?â At your inquiry, he finally came to a stop in front of a set of windows and turned to face you.
âYes, everything is fine.â He reassured you. âI have something Iâd like to discuss with you.â
You blinked. âOkay,â you said. âShoot.â
Shouto likewise paused at your usage of unfamiliar slang but didnât comment on it. âUm,â he started, but drifted off, not finishing the thought. He opened his mouth only to shut it again after a moment or two without making a sound. You furrowed your brows as you continued to watch him struggle for words.
âUm, Sho?â you prodded. He didnât respond, however, still thinking over his next words. Shouto never hesitates, you thought with a mixture of wonderment and anxiety. Is something bothering him? you thought with growing concern. You felt your heart come to a skittering stop as another horrifying conclusion came to mind; am I the problem?
âI overheard you and the other girlsâ conversation on Movie Night,â he confessed at last, interrupting your spiraling train of thought. He bashfully looked away as if he was ashamed.
âOh, okay?â you responded, absentmindedly going through the events of the night in question. Your heartbeat began to calm down to a normal rate. âWhat conversation?â You couldnât think of anything in particular and were about to ask him to elaborate before the realization hit you like a freight train.
âI like him a little.â
âOkay, I will! I will confess my feelings to him!â
âYeah, girl, you got this. Besides, he canât reject you. Youâre too hot for that.â
Oooohhhhh.
Fuck.
Maybe he didnât hear that particular part of the conversation! You tried to reassure yourself as you waited for Shouto to answer your question. Your heart rate picked back up as panic began to settle in. We were there for several hours. There is so much he couldâveâ
âYou have an admiration going on.â You hate to admit you gawked at him for a couple of seconds before his formal wording translated into modern speech. You have a crush.
FUCK!
âOh my God, I am so sorry!â you rushed out, trying to save face and whatever friendship you had with Shouto. You felt your cheeks burn. âPlease, just forget you ever heard that!â
Shouto snapped his head to you as your words registered in his brain. âWhy would I do that?â he asked after a moment. âWe live in the same building with shared living space, barely anything is not overheard by another.â
Oh God, how much did he overhear?
âBesides,â he continued. âAt our age, it is completely natural for one to harbor feelings for another.â
You blinked at him as his words registered, your cheeks now tingling due to the burn. Gosh, he sounds like a grandpa giving the birds and the bees talk.
âItâitâs j-just,â you stammered. âI-I-Iââ You let out a harsh breath in frustration when your words continued to fail you. Shouto raised a brow before his eyes narrowed. Your heart sank when you saw that.
Oh great, heâs annoyed!
âAre you all right?â he asked before moving so he was right in front of you. You squeaked at the sudden warmth of his body heat as he placed a hand on your forehead. âDo you feel ill? You feel warm, and your face looks to be flushed with some perspiration gathering on your forehead.â His eyes frantically looked you up and down as he examined you for any further signs of sickness. âI should get you to Recovery Girl.â
âN-no!â you exclaimed when he went to sweep you off your feet. âSh-Shouto, IâIâm fine, really. Iâm n-not s-sick.â
âOh?â Shouto blinked in confusion and, adorably, subtly tilted his head to the side. âThen why are you so febrile? And you are stuttering?â
âItâs not because I am sick. Iâm just em-embarrassed.â You whispered the last part, and you couldnât help but look away from Shouto in shame.
âEmbarrassed? Why are you embarrassed, Y/N?â You shut your mouth, refusing to speak. Shouto sensed your hesitation. The light slowly left his heterochromatic eyes and he bashfully looked away from you. âIs . . . is it because you donât want to be seen with me?â he asked. âFor fear that your crush will see us together and not return your affection?â
You let out a gasp in surprise. âWhat? No!â You are quick to reassure himâyour actual crushâof your intentions. âThatâs not it at all!â
Shouto met your gaze again. His eyes lit up with what looked like . . . anticipation? Hope? You werenât sure, but your heart began to race in trepidation. âThen what is it?â
âI like you,â you blurted out. You shut your eyes and covered your face with your hands, trying to hide from your drowning embarrassment. âLike, not even a little bit, but, like, really, really like you.â You whispered from behind your hands.
There was no immediate response from the dual-haired male. You didnât dare to remove your hands from your face to check if he was still standing in front of you.
He probably didnât hear me. You internally slapped yourself upside the head.
Before you could react, Shouto was carefully removing your hands from your face. His touch was gentle, like he was afraid you would crack and break under his fingertips. âWhy are you hiding from me?â he whispered. Your breath caught in your throat as you stared wide-eyed at him.
âIâI.â Despite your efforts, words werenât able to come out of your mouth.
âYou should never feel like you need to hide,â he continued. He let out an airy tsk before he reached his hand up and gently tucked a piece of stray hair behind your ear. You felt your face heat up even more at the action. âEspecially from me.â
What.
âW-what?â you voiced aloud. You blinked a couple times, trying to bring your brain back from the brink of short-circuiting.
Shouto chuckled lowly, moving impossibly closer into your space. âI think you need to get your hearing checked out, love.â
You blinked some more. âWhat?â
âHave I broken you?â he asked, the corner of his perfect lips turning up at the thought. âFirst you forget your words, and now you have lost your hearing. . .â he trailed off as he continued to stare intently into your eyes.
What is he playing at. . .? you wondered as you blankly stared at him.
The two of you stood there and took each other in for quite a while. In reality, it mustnât have been for very longâat most a minute and a halfâbut to you, it felt like hours. You were so close you could see the light reflecting in his heterochromatic eyes and the small streaks of gray in the turquoise-colored one.
âI . . . like you, too,â Shouto suddenly confessed, violently snapping you out of the daze his proximity causes. âI have harbored feelings for you for some time now.â
WHAT!?
âYou . . . do?â you asked, skeptical. You were hesitant to believe his words in fear that this whole thing was some sick prank. Butâ
No. Shouto isnât that type of person, you thought. He barely understands humor as it is, so he must be telling the truth.
âI do,â he confirmed.
âOh, um.â You fumbled again for words, embarrassment flooding your entire system once more. You licked your dry lips, missing the way Shoutoâs eyes locked onto the movement. âCool.â
Shouto blinked at you, one of his perfect eyebrows raising. âCool?â he repeated with a sly smile overcoming his lips.
âMhm.â You dumbly nodded. âCool.â You paused before muttering a small, âDitto.â
He chuckled again, subtly moving the tiniest bit closer to you. He was just about crowding you into the corner at this point. âDitto, huh?â He mumbled under his breath with a widening smirk playing at his lips. âI think I have broken you, dear.â
You grinned. âPerhaps.â Shouto chuckled again before falling silent. The two of you stared at the other, lost in each otherâs gazes.
âCan I kiss you?â He spoke on an exhale, his deep voice somehow even deeper. Before you could internally flip the fuck out and fully comprehend what was happening, you were already nodding. That was all the confirmation Shouto needed before he brought your lips in for a sensual kiss. Fireworks exploded behind your eyelids as you relaxed into him.
You smiled into the kiss. Thank you, chopsticks.
The next day, you and Shouto walked into the classroom holding hands. Everyone collectively stopped what they were doing to openly gape at the two of you as Shouto, always the gentleman, escorted you to your seat. The shocked silence lasted all but three seconds before Mina and Tooru let out ear-piercing shrieks and practically tackled you.
âOh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!â Mina was shouting meanwhile Tooru was holding onto you so tight to the point that she was nearly crushing you into her invisible body.
âAHHHH, I knew this was gonna happen!â she exclaimed before somehow pulling you in closer.
âCanât . . . breathe.â You wheezed out before your boyfriend pulled you away from the two fangirls and protectively held you to his chest.
âI would be grateful if you didnât crush my girlfriend to death, Tooru.â He intoned in his naturally dry tenor. His statement only made them freak out even more.
âAh! Look at the two love birds!â Ochako swooned.
âFuckinâ disgustinâ,â grumbled a deep voice from somewhere in the back of the room.
Before you could turn to shoot Bakugou a death glare, Shouto was already clapping back. âWhat, are you jealous, Bakugou?â
The desks which had surrounded the blond a moment prior were blown to shiverines.
âIâLL END YOU!â
Fin.
â extras: snapshot 1, snapshot 2, fic tag
No plagiarizing, re-uploading, translating, or copying of any kind or on any platform of my writing or inserted into any type of AI generator. Do not recommend my work on TikTok. Do not repost on YouTube.
#shouto todoroki x reader#shoto todoroki x reader#todoroki x reader#todoroki shouto x reader#todoroki shoto x reader#bnha x reader#shouto x reader#shoto x reader#fic: ditto#todoroki x you#shoto x you#shouto x you
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paparazzi
drew starkey x latina actress reader!
slightly inspired by that zendaya and tom video iykyk
It was the season 4 premiere of Outer Banks.
Drew and you were arriving together to the event, the car having picked you both from the place you two shared in Charleston for filming seasons.
âIt never gets oldâ you say, resting your head in Drewâs shoulder while fidgeting with his hand.
He chuckles lightly as he looks down at you.
âWhat do you mean doll?â He asks smiling at you with longing.
You look up to meet his eyes.
âThe premieresâ you pause. âI love them. And Iâm secretly scared that we donât know if this might be the lastâ you say, feeling your eyes glaze at the thought.
It was not about the premieres and you knew it.
Drew knew it.
You loved spending time with your best friends, and you were scared that the project that brought you all together one day, could ever end.
He gave you a soft smile while he cradled your face between his hands.
âItâs okay to feel scaredâ he murmured sweetly. âThatâs one of my fears tooâ.
You furrowed your brows at his words, trying to hold your tears, you didnât wanna ruin your makeup.
âReally?â You ask smirking up at him.
He nods chuckling at you, while softly grazing your cheeks with his thumb.
âBut I am not worried about itâ he says looking deep into your eyes. âWeâll keep seeing each other and hanging out no matter what loveâ.
You nod slowly at his words, smiling softly at him and his sweet words.
âNo need to worry about the futureâ he continues. âLetâs enjoy today and take it one day at a timeâ.
He smiles and leans into you, pressing his lips softly against yours in a loving and soothing way trying to calm you.
And it worked.
âHow many people do you think thereâll be?â You ask him excitedly, changing the subject.
This was a game you two liked to play. Guessing how much fans or people would be there showing for these events. It kept you feeling competitive and gave you reason to tease each other.
âNot manyâ he said playfully, sticking his tongue out at you.
You smile up at him.
âHopefullyâ you say letting out a soft laugh.
You loved meeting fans and attending these events, it made you incredibly happy and motivated to see how many people loved your work.
But they also made you nervous. Big crowds of people screaming, flashing their cameras towards you and wanting to get a glimpse of you made you a bit anxious.
It was getting easier with each event you attended, but the little monster in your brain never truly shut up until you were safely inside, around the people that made you feel at ease.
Drew gave your hand a little squeeze while lifting it up and leaving a soft kiss on the back of it.
âItâs fine dollâ he says softly. âIâm here with youâ his thumb brushes your cheek soothingly.
You lean into his touch leaving a soft kiss on his palm.
âI wouldnât want it any other wayâ you smile up at him.
Your boyfriend smirks down at you.
âIâm very tempted to tell the driver to turn around and drive back to our placeâ he says teasingly as he leans down to place a soft and slow kiss to your lips.
You feel yourself smile against his lips.
âYouâre gonna have to wait, because my glam team wouldnât be happy if this look didnât get its momentâ you say, as you take his face between your hands, tracing your thumb over his lips.
He smirks at you.
âOh, I can make sure it gets the attention it deservesâ he teases, moving his hands dangerously slow down your waist.
You laugh softly at his words.
âToo late mi amorâ you say pecking his lips softly and moving your hands to fix his tie.
Because at that moment, the car comes to a stop, and your door is being opened, revealing screaming fans and paparazzi.
Your boyfriend sights and looks at you while you smile back innocently.
Drew gets out of the car first, waving and smiling at fans, and then turns around offering you his hand, helping you as you step out of the car, motioning and saying hi to everyone around you two.
Someone from your team guides you to the entrance, but you two decide to take a little detour and walk to the side of the street where fans were waiting patiently for the cast to arrive.
He never leaves your side, both of you stuck together taking pics, signing stuff and talking with fans.
âOmg y/n I love you so much!â A girl says excitedly as you near her and her friends. âcan we take a selfie?
You smile happily at her.
âOf course!â You say, making a kissy face, watching her screen and seeing how Drew photo bombs from behind.
The girls around you begin to scream and giggle at him as he chuckles looking at the girl holding the phone.
âNice shirtâ he says pointing to the girls shirt, that has a photo of you two together back at poguelandia last year.
She blushes and laughs looking up at Drew after he complimented her shirt.
âI love you two so much!â She says moving her hands to touch her heart.
The both of you eventually switch sides, trying to get to as much fans as you can.
On this side, a girl catches your attention.
âY/n, thank you for representing latinas in the show!â She screams as you near her, feeling your heart warm at her words.
You pout looking at her with teary eyes.
âYouâre gonna make me cry!â You say as you go in for a hug.
The girl embraces you back excitedly.
âEstamos sĂșper orgullosas de todo lo que estĂĄs lograndoâ says another girl next to her, now in Spanish.
You smile at them lovingly.
âMuchas gracias por el apoyoâ you tell them clutching your heart.
You continue chatting and taking pics, feeling Drewâs presence looming behind you or a couple of people away from you.
When you reach the end of where fans are standing, there is a group of messily organized press and paparazzi waiting at the entrance of the event for anyone that arrives.
A member of your team tells you itâs time to get going, so you mutter some apologies and wave goodbye to the fans that you were not able to meet properly.
Drew takes your hand in his, as you two follow the crew member from your team to finally get into the event.
As you walk away from fans, suddenly the paparazzi and press that had been somewhat calm, immediately swarm the both of you, to the point that security guards that were waiting at the entrance, near the both of you to help clear the way.
Your boyfriend doesnât let go of your hand, instead, holds you tighter and keeps looking back to make sure youâre okay.
While youâre making your way to the entrance, you spot a girl in between the mass of paparazzi, trying to get you to sign her poster.
You let go of Drewâs hands slowly, moving to face the girl in front of you.
The paparazzi suddenly swarming and moving around you and the fan.
All the screams and clicking sounds from them didnât allow you to talk to the girl, so you tried your best to smile sweetly at her while signing her poster, hoping to make it quick, as you felt yourself getting a bit claustrophobic.
Drew was watching all of this go down from where the paparazzi had pushed him.
When he felt your hand leave his, he turned around to see all of the paparazzi and press already crowding around you and the little girl, shouting questions and flashing their cameras at you.
âY/n you look lovely tonight!â âY/n you and Drew going strong?â âWho are you wearing tonight y/n?â âY/n can you tell us anything about the Narnia rumors?â
Drew tried to get closer to you, as he saw you were finishing signing the poster, when he saw one of the reporters shoving his camera a little to close to your face, almost hitting you with it.
His heart raced and his patience ran out.
He immediately got closer, shoving the paparazziâs that were in his way to get to you, not even sparing to talk to them nicely, as they were already too comfortable violating your personal space.
âGet out the fucking wayâ he said loudly and a bit too agressive as he pushed the last of them to get to you.
The security guards that were supposed to be escorting you two, tried to gently pull him back to do the job themselves.
âNo, no, noâ Drew said as he shrugged them off and continued walking until he reached the guy who almost had his camera on your face.
He pushed him away from you in an instant, shoving him aside by pushing his chest away.
âDude back offâ he spitted at the guy while he took your hand between his and started to walk back with you close to him.
âGive her some room!â Security behind him shouted, trying to get the paparazzis off of you two.
You took his hand and gave it a soft squeeze, trying to let your boyfriend know you were okay.
Everything happened too fast you barely had time to react.
Your boyfriend continued walking to the entrance, looking back at you to make sure you were still behind him and not being bothered by the people around you.
As you two stood in front of the entrance, he came to a stop, looking at you and the paparazzi behind you, assessing them.
He moved back to let you in before pausing.
A guy with a camera stood infront of the door blocking it, trying to get a shot of you getting in the event.
Drew looked at him seriously, before, pushing him aside, to finally make space for you to get in.
He gently placed his hand on your waist, guiding you inside before him, while he gave the mass of paparazzi outside one last serious look before getting in behind you.
Finally, inside the event, you let out a breath of relief while you turned around and looked at your boyfriend, who was looking at you with a concerned look on his face.
âAre you okay?â He asked as his eyes wandered all over you, as if assessing you were perfectly fine.
You nodded slowly as you closed the space between you and wrapped your arms around his neck.
âThanks to youâ you smiled up at him as you pressed a soft kiss to his lips.
He smiled softly in between the kiss, his hands wrapping around your waist immediately.
You felt himself relax against you.
âThat was pretty hot you know?â You say cheekily at him, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.
Drew smirks down at you as his thumb draws soft circles on your waist.
âReally?â He chuckles, one hand moving to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear.
You nod, smiling brightly at him.
âYouâre very attractive when you get protectiveâ you say reaching up to peck his lips one more time.
He blushes slightly at your words, looking down to meet your eyes.
You feel his heart beating against your chest.
âLetâs get this over withâ he says, taking your hand in his as he starts walking to the carpet. âI wanna take you home alreadyâ he says smirking playfully down at you.
*
that video did something to me, and I just couldnât resist.
a bit of a time jump from the last few parts, but maybe a little hint of all thatâs to come between drew and latina actress reader!
if you have any requests, ideas or things youâd like to know feel free to ask<3
taglist
@aariahnaa
#drew starkey#drew starkey blurb#drew starkey imagine#drew starkey x reader#drew starkey x y/n#drew starkey x you#outer banks#rafe cameron#obx fanfiction#obx fic#rafe obx#outerbanks rafe#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron imagine#rafe outer banks#rafe x you#rafe fanfiction#rafe x reader#rafe imagine#rafe fic#obx imagine#obx x reader#obx cast#obx#obx4#obx season 4#rafe cameron x female reader#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron blurb#rafe cameron x you
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BECOMING MRS. SIM
Title: Becoming Mrs. Sim
Pairing: Boss!jake x F!secretaryreader
Genre: Romance, drama, contract-to-real marriage
Summary: To ensure his position in the company, Jake proposed to you in front of his dad. What started of as a fake marriage, slowly turns into real romance with a bit of drama.
Contents warning: Cursing, mention of 'kys', implied sh, may or may not make you puke due to the fluff, suggestive, mention of third party, a tiny bit of angst (like as big as one virus)
Word Count: 16k
A/n: Ngl, this is the first time I wrote so much for a fanfic. Even I was surprised I managed to go passed 10k lmao. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading it ^^
Taglist: @sumzysworld @dreamiestay @heeverseblog @originalladymilkshake @bookloversomuch @laurradoesloveu @niniissus
â
"We need to find you a wife."Â
There you go - a sentence that Jake has been waiting to hear from his dad.Â
Jake was born with a golden spoon in his mouth. Despite being wealthy, he chose to live just like the others. He would prefer to do a lot of things by himself. He finds satisfaction in it.Â
Sim family is known to have one of the largest businesses in Asia and the examples for others. So, when Jake has finally reached 'the age', it's natural to expect him to become the next successor.Â
Jake has an older brother. However, he chose to venture into different field, leaving Jake as his dad's only hope to take over the company.Â
But, in order for his dad to grant the status to Jake, he has to get married. It was his dad's main condition.
His dad had always been living with the principle of behind every successful man, there is his wife. According to his dad, being married motivates him to be better both personally and career-wise so that he can provide more for his wife and his children.Â
On the contrary, Jake believes in independency. No, it's not that he hates love or relationship. In fact, he was in a relationship back then. Unfortunately, things happened, and they drifted away from each other. Nobody really knows about it and Jake wished to keep it that way.Â
"Is it really necessary, dad," he asked his dad.Â
"Of course. Getting married and loving your wife with all your heart will help you in gaining people's trust better - rather than be single. You will appear more... capable and trustworthy."Â
"But-"Â
Just as Jake was about to say something, his dad cut him off by placing a file on the coffee table between both of them.Â
"This is Kim's eldest daughter. I heard that she graduated from fashion designing with good result. Personally, I think that she is a perfect woman to be your wife."Â
Jake looks at the file and at his dad with a raised brow.Â
"Really? A blind date?"Â
Mr. Sim just shrugs his shoulder. "Well, it's not like you will ever introduce anyone to me, right?"Â
Jake leans his back against the couch and let out a deep sigh. God, one thing he doesn't like is going on a blind date which is arranged by others without his consent.Â
He don't like it when people tell him to do stuff that he doesn't want to do. It makes him feel like he is being force to do things. Last thing he wants is to hurt an innocent woman.Â
As Jake is in deep thought, there's a knock coming from outside Mr. Sim's office.Â
"Come in," his dad said.Â
You turn the knob and enter the room with a tray of coffee cups in your hand. You bow your head slightly at both Jake and Mr. Sim before walking towards the table and place the cups on it.Â
"Is there anything else I can do for you, Mr. Sim?"Â
Jake's dad shakes his head at you. "That's all for now. Thank you, Ms. Y/LN."Â
You bow your head for the second time before walking away from both of them. But just as you were about to turn the knob, Jake calls out your name.Â
"Ms. Y/LN."Â
You turn your head to him.Â
"Yes?"Â
Jake flashes a small smile to you.Â
"Can you come here for a while, please?"Â
Your head tilts slightly but still turning your heels around and walk towards Jake.Â
"Yes, Mr. Sim. May I help you?"Â
A few seconds passed by before Jake looks up at you with a wider smile. He then turns to his dad.Â
"Dad, actually, I'm planning to marry Ms. Y/LN."Â
"WHAT?!"Â
Both you and his dad said in unison. As if on cue, both of you also look at each other with eyes widened.Â
"I-"Â
"Y/n..."Â
Jake cut you off by calling your name softly, making you turn to him with the same widened eyes.Â
"I'm sorry I had to propose to you this way when I already had plan to surprised you. I promise I'll make it up to you, okay."Â
You and Jake are not really strangers. Both of you went to the same high school back then and reunited when you first entered the company as Mr. Sim's - his dad's - secretary.Â
The difference is that both of you barely talk to each other. You only know each other's name, and that's it. So, when Jake suddenly confessed to his dad that he wants to marry you, it makes you dumbstruck.Â
"I never knew you and Jake are dating, Ms. Y/LN."Â
You turn your head to Mr. Sim and open your mouth to say something. But nothing seems to come out.Â
"I asked her to keep it private since it had only been a few months since we got together."Â
Jake told another lie. You turn to Jake to say something. But, before you can do anything, he reaches out to hold your hand and flashing a soft smile to you.Â
"But every time I'm with her, I felt nothing but love, warmth, and comfort. That's how I know she's the one for me."Â
God, if you didn't know any better, you would have said that he's telling the truth. Anyone would coo at how adorable Jake is despite he is telling a lie. That is how good all of this is.Â
To tell the truth, you have always found Jake attractive just like other girls. Although both of you have never talk to one another, you did observe him from time to time.Â
Just like any other schools, there will always be at least a heartthrob - and Jake happened to be one of it during high school along with his other two friends.Â
As much as you would like to mind your own business, you can't help your eyes to look at him from afar. Every time he's around his friends, he will always have that big happy smile that can melt any hearts around him.Â
You find it cute and adorable at the same time. But that was it. He was only your eye candy back in high school.Â
Yet, here you are, in his car as his out-of-nowhere fiancĂ©.Â
After he - somehow - proposed to you in front of his dad, he asked for Mr. Sim's permission to bring you out for the day, saying that he wants to make it up to you.Â
Of course, being the loving understanding dad, he allowed it without knowing that it was all just a scam.Â
"Where are we going, Mr. Sim?" You asked.Â
"Somewhere other than the office." Jake gave a simple answer.Â
Just like that, both of you are back in the silence. You turn your head to look out the window as Jake continue to focus on his driving. As much you want to say something, you feel like it's best to give each other some space.Â
You don't know how long have passed by but the way the cityscape suddenly changed into beach view proved to you that Jake has brought you somewhere far. Probably an hour or two.Â
Jake slows down the speed as the car reaching to its destination. He pulled the hand brake and turn the gear into 'P'. He let out a deep sigh before unbuckling his seatbelt and open the door.Â
You watch as Jake exits the car and walk towards the sandy area. After a while, you decide to follow him. You open the door and walk towards the man, standing beside him.Â
You were about to speak when suddenly Jake cut you off.Â
"I'm sorry."Â
You just keep quiet, allowing Jake to continue his words.Â
"I'm sorry I pulled you into this mess. I dislike the idea of anyone forcing me to date, let alone get married."Â
"Then, why didn't you say so?"Â
Jake bites his lower lips. "I can't. I know I'm the only heir that my dad has left. If I didn't take over, God knows what will happen to the company."Â
You turn towards Jake. "Then, why me? Am I not being forced to get married with you?"Â
Jake's eyes soften at your words. You're right. He did force you to do something you don't want to when he himself hate when someone did that to him. Â
What a hypocrite.Â
"Y/n. I know we don't really know each other that much. But I need your help. Just this once. After I become the CEO, we will discuss the next step. Is that okay?"Â
You look into Jake's eyes. This is the first time in your whole life have you seen him looking so desperate. His demeanour used to be confident. It's almost as if he got everything under control.Â
But today, today is different. He looks like someone who is willing to do anything just so he could keep his title. Just the thought of it makes you scoff lightly.Â
"Okay, I will help you just this once. You owe me big time, Mr. Sim."Â
You held out your hand for Jake to shake.Â
"You won't be disappointed, Ms. Y/L/N."Â
Flashback:Â
Finally, lunch hour, students' favourite time of the day. As usual, Jake would spend his time with his best friends - Jay and Sunghoon.Â
"Should we go on a trip during summer?"Â Sunghoon asked.Â
"What about Jeju?"Â
"We've been there a lot of times, Jay," Jake said.Â
Jay poked his rice using the spoon as a pout formed on his face.Â
"But I like it there. The view is beautiful."Â
Jake and Sunghoon looked at each other before laughing together.Â
"You're so cute when you're sulking," the youngest among them teased.Â
As Jay and Sunghoon were having their normal banters, Jake's eyes fell upon a girl. A girl in her ponytail, eating her food with her friends around her. From time to time, she would engage with the conversation as well by joining them or simply laughed at her friend's joke.Â
Jake saw her for the first time when he was walking out the infirmary. He was not feeling well that day, so he decided to take a rest. Â
Coincidentally, she was walking towards the infirmary as well. She stopped on her track when she saw him.Â
"Are you okay," she asked.Â
Jake nodded his head at her. "I'm good."Â
She smiled softly at him. "That's a relief. Take a break when you need it. Don't push yourself too much. You deserve some break."Â
She walked away after conveying her message, leaving Jake at the hallway.Â
Ever since then, he would see her almost everywhere at school. Wherever he went to, she would be there as well. It was as if fate was trying to match them together.Â
"You're staring again," Jay said as he nudged Jake's shoulder.Â
"You should really just talk to her at this point."Â
Jake shook his head lightly. "No, I like it like this. It's better like this."Â
Sunghoon let out a sigh and Jay shrugged his shoulder before both of them continue eating their foods.Â
Jay, Sunghoon, and Jake had always been together ever since they were little. Yet, ever since Jake met her, it was as if a new side of Jake appeared right before their eyes. Surprisingly, it only appeared whenever the girl was around. Whenever you were around.Â
Jake claimed that it was him admiring someone. But to Jay and Sunghoon, it was definitely more than that.Â
âÂ
âI never knew this day would come.âÂ
You just smile at your dadâs words as you continue to eat your food with Jake beside you.Â
Two weeks after the so-called-proposal that Jake pulled in front of his dad, both of you decided to visit your parents to lay out the message. Well, technically you told Jake to meet your parents. If they approved of him, then youâre good to go.Â
âThank you, uncle and auntie, for allowing me inside this beautiful house of yours.âÂ
Your mom let out a soft laugh. âOur house is small compared to yours. It is our honour that you are willing to come to our house instead.âÂ
True to your momâs words, you were not born with golden spoon. Compared to Jakeâs family, yours are more of in the middle class. Your family didnât gain as much as Simâs family, but it's already more than enough.Â
âHow do you find the foods, Jake?âÂ
Jake looks up to your mom and flashes her a happy grin.
So cute, just like a kid, you thought to yourself.Â
âItâs so delicious. Itâs true what they said. No foods can ever be compared to a motherâs cooking.âÂ
Everyone including you laugh at his words. You missed being in this environment. So warm, so full of love and affections. No, you donât have bad blood with your family. You were just rarely home due to your work. Â
But now that youâre here, you arenât going to miss a chance to spend more time with your family as much as you can.Â
As the night came, your dad and Jake decided to spend their time together at the backyard of your house, giving you a chance to spend time with your mom.Â
Your dad sips on the coffee that he made earlier.Â
âWhy did you choose Y/n?âÂ
Jake turns his head to look at the elder man beside him. With a small smile on his face, Jake lifts his head to the sky.Â
âY/n is a nice woman. She cares for others a lot. She would do anything to make everyone around her happy. She will give her 100% towards something that matters to her.âÂ
Jake lets out a soft sigh, almost dreamily.Â
âBefore I know it, I want to be with her. I want to be there for her. I want to do things for her. I want to care for her. I want to protect her.âÂ
Jake swallows his saliva, trying to maintain his composure in front of his soon-to-be father-in-law.Â
âSo, you want to marry my daughter just because she is nice?âÂ
Your dadâs question makes Jake look at him, who is already looking at Jake. Jake smile to himself before shaking his head.Â
âNo, I did not ask for her hand simply because she is nice. I want to marry her because she makes me better as a human being. Everything seems smooth every time we are together. Before I know it, I canât imagine myself with anyone but her. She is the only woman I want to have a future with. No one else, but y/n.âÂ
Your dad considered his words carefully. He then put his hand on Jakeâs shoulder.Â
âY/n⊠she is our only child. She had always done things by herself. There are times where we would feel worried for her. Well, up until now, we still are. So, when she brought you back home, her mom and I felt better. At least we know that she wonât be alone forever.âÂ
Jake just smiles at your dadâs words. Oh, how would he feel if he knew our marriage is only for a while, he thought.Â
âThank you, Jake, for looking after our angel. She is everything to us. I hope you feel the same as well.âÂ
Jake just nods his head at your dadâs words before both of them drink the coffee from their own cup. Â
Making you as his everything; will Jake be able to do that?Â
Â
Flashback:Â
Jake had lost count on how many drinks he had tonight. As he tried to reach for another one, Jay hit his hand, making him groaned in pain.Â
âWhat the fuck is wrong with you, Jake? You looked like a mess.âÂ
Jake just scoffed at Jayâs words. He looked up at his friends and gritted his teeth.Â
âEasy for you to say. You didnât go through what I went through. It hurts. It fucking hurts.âÂ
Sunghoon sigh for the nth times for the night. Both him and Jay had been trying to understand Jake's situation. But the only thing Jake revealed was that he broke up with his girlfriend. That was it. He didnât say how nor why. No matter how many times they asked him, he kept his mouth shut.Â
âI really love her, guys. I donât think I can live without her.âÂ
Jay rubbed his forehead, trying to calm himself down from exploding to the drunken man. The words âheâs my friendâ keep on chanting in his head. He was about to open his mouth, but Sunghoon cut him off.Â
âDie then.âÂ
Jake looked up at his friendâs words. His eyes widened, surprised at the sudden reaction.Â
âThe fuck did you just say to me?!âÂ
Sunghoon shrugged his shoulder. âYou said you canât live without her. So, go on and die. Itâs easy.âÂ
Jakeâs eyes that were filled with tears turned into anger. He stood up from his seat and grabbed Sunghoonâs collar, making everyone including Jay surprised.Â
âYou think you are better than me?!âÂ
Sunghoon held Jakeâs hand with his before smirking at him.Â
âI am. Iâm not the drunk one here.âÂ
Jakeâs hand turned into a fist. God, he hated Sunghoon at this moment. He fucking hates the guy in front of him. He was about to punch Sunghoon, but Jay managed to stop it by pushing his fist away and broke off his grip from Sunghoonâs collar.Â
âEnough! Both of you, out!âÂ
They stared at each other angrily before walking out of the premise with Jay following behind. Â
Minutes have passed since they were sitting outside of a convenience store. Not long after, Jay walked out of the store with canned coffees and a water bottle in his hands. He gave one of the coffees to Sunghoon and the water bottle to Jake.Â
The three of them continued to stay in silence before Jake decided to break it first.Â
âSorry. I shouldnât lash out to you.âÂ
Sunghoon pursued his lips. âIâm sorry too. It was immature of me trying to stir you up.âÂ
Jay just looked at both of his friends with a smile. This is the friendship that the three always had. Countless of fights, countless of apologies. Itâs hard sometimes, but this friendship is important to them, and they knew they need each other.Â
âI just⊠I donât know if I can love other person the way I love her.âÂ
Jay reached out to pat his friendâs back.Â
âYou will bro. You will. Trust me.âÂ
Jake just nodded his head, too tired to even say anything at this point. All he knew was that he loved his now ex-girlfriend with all his heart. He gave her everything that he could give. Time, presents, everything.Â
Yet, it still ended this way. Four years of relationship, ended just like that. Jake really thought that she would be his forever. Well, he thought wrong. Maybe itâs time for him to focus on himself. He had been focusing on others for too long. He deserved his own peaceful time.Â
âAh, right. We heard that y/n got into your dadâs company as his secretary.âÂ
Sunghoonâs words interrupted Jake from his own thoughts. Jakeâs brows frowned at the sudden mention of your name.Â
âYeah, why?âÂ
Jay who was silent suddenly sat up straight on his chair and looked at Jake.Â
âReally?! Y/n is working with your dad? The y/n?âÂ
Jake nodded his head slowly.Â
âYeah. Itâs almost a month now if Iâm not mistaken.âÂ
Jay let out a relief sigh before patting Jakeâs shoulder.Â
âThatâs nice. You get to work with the one you admired before.âÂ
Right. You were the woman that he admired up until the end of high school. After both of you graduated, you and Jake parted ways, following your own dream. Itâs not like both of you had special connections anyway. The interactions that you had with him were not enough for both of you to be considered as a friend.Â
But now that Jay and Sunghoon mentioned about it, Jake was reminded of the first day you stepped into the company.Â
He would never admit in front of his friends that he actually got excited when he saw you walking into the office. It had been so long since he last saw you.Â
You looked more mature than when you were in high school. The outfit that you had on was professional, yet it made you look beautiful. As beautiful as Jake remembered.Â
You might slowly lose your teenage features, but you still managed to turn Jakeâs head effortlessly â just like when both of you were in high school.Â
âÂ
Three months after the proposal and a day after the wedding ceremony, you found yourself entering an unfamiliar house â Jakeâs house. It's official. You are now Mrs. Sim Y/n.Â
You look around the living room. You did not expect his house to look neat and cozy at the same time. With all the furniture being white in colour, it made the interior looks more spacious than it already is.Â
You never thought of him as a guy who would pay much attention to the interior. He looked like the type of guy that might hire any designer and let them do their magic. Â
"Having fun?"Â
You whip your head to the voice behind you. There he is, standing in all his glory, your - now - husband.Â
"You have good eyes."Â
Your compliment makes Jake's lips curl up into a smile. A smile that you used to see since high school.Â
"Thanks."Â
He walks towards you. Before you could do anything, his hand reaches for yours and he bring it up to his face, enough to look at the ring on your finger.Â
He looks at how it sparkles with a small smile before kissing it softly, a small gasp escapes your lips but not enough to reach Jake's ears.Â
âThank you for marrying me, y/n,â he said sincerely.Â
Your heart soften at his words. Unconsciously, you rub his hand that is holding yours since earlier.Â
âItâs nothing. Besides, it will only be for a while, right?âÂ
Jake just hums softly at your words. Of course, he didnât forget about it. Heck, he was the one who came up with all of these. Contract marriage â and it will last up until he got his title as the CEO.Â
"Just so you know y/n, although it is only for a while, I will still perform my duty as your husband until the end of it."Â
You look into Jake's eyes, trying to see if there is any hidden agenda. But all you can see is honesty and sincerity.Â
Jake is known as a man of his words. He is not someone who would turn away from his promise, let alone lying. Heck, he doesn't even know how to lie.Â
You've seen his attempts to lie during high school and it always ended with him stuttering and his cheeks slowly turning crimson. His lips jutted out into a cute pout, resembling a puppy sulking.Â
Everyone was telling you that âyou're so lucky to have him as your husbandâ, not knowing that this marriage has its own expiry date. Sooner or later, both of you will put this into an end. You know that.Â
And yet, you can't help but feel a little tug on your heart when Jake said the last few words.Â
Refused to let your emotion to get the best of you, you flash him a small smile.Â
"I will do my best as Mrs. Sim as well while it last."Â
Ever since then, Jake and you have done nothing but keep your words.Â
Every morning before going to work, you would prepare him breakfast and eat together with him. Then, both of you would go to the office together. When both of you are done with your job, he would wait for you in the car to go back home together.Â
After youâre done with your shower, you would prepare dinner while waiting for Jake to finish washing up. Then, both of you would sit together and have dinner while having a small talk in between.Â
During the weekends, Jake will ask you if you have any plans. Sometimes you would tell him that you want to go out, sometimes you just want to stay at home.Â
If you chose to go out, he would go with you, spending his time and money for you the entire day. Not gonna lie, you've made countless attempts to pay for yourself. But Jake will always be two steps ahead from you. Guess it's the perks of marrying the Sim Jaeyun.
If you decided to stay at home, he would be there as well. Sometimes he would help you cooking â or more like purposely disturbing you. When you are reading a book, he would join you with cup of teas in hand.Â
Before you know it, you and Jake have become closer and more comfortable with each other. What used to be only standing side-by-side turns into walking together while holding hands. During grocery shopping, he would stand behind you and push the trolley together with you in front of him while walking through aisle by aisle. When you are watching a movie in the living room, he would lay his head on your lap and ask for your attention â just like a puppy would.Â
Everyone with eyes is envious of your relationship. Both of you totally looks like a happy couple. Itâs as if the world belongs to both of you, and only to both of you.Â
Honestly, you would say the same thing to yourself as well. Jake had been nothing but a loving caring husband. He takes good care of you, always be there for you. Heâs really the man of his words.Â
However, there are times where he can be an annoying ass. Such as right now.Â
You are putting on your make up to go out with him and heâs just⊠there, staring at you since God knows when. It was something that he would do every single time youâre getting ready be it to go to the mall or to the office. As you are finishing your touch on your blush, you let out a soft sigh and turn your head to him.Â
âYes, is there anything I can help you with, Mr. Sim?âÂ
Jake just shakes his head lightly. His lips curl up into a small smirk.Â
âNothing. Just admiring my beautiful wife.âÂ
There he goes again, teasing you. These past few weeks, he had been calling you names and giving you compliments. And he would say it with affections. Every time he did that, your heart beat for him.Â
God, am I in love with this man?Â
You roll your eyes, trying to hide the fact that he made you shy. Thanks to your blush as well that he wonât notice that your cheeks turn red because of him.Â
âEnough with that, Jake. Letâs go. Weâll be late.âÂ
Jake bites his lower lips to avoid grinning too widely. Obviously, he knows how he makes you feel. You are not the only one who have been watching him since high school. He also did the same to you. Probably a tad bit more than you did â and you donât need to know that.Â
So, he would know how you look when youâre happy and upset. He knows the difference between your real and fake smile. He knows about it.Â
He might not say it out loud but ever since he told you he would do his part as your husband; he didnât think it will be this far. At first, he thought he would just provide for you and thatâs it.Â
But he was wrong. The more he spends his time with you, the more he knows the real you. The more he talks to you, the more he craves for your affection. He used to sleep on his side the first few days after marriage. Now, he canât imagine not having you in his arms at night. He might not even be able to sleep if you were not there for him to hug.Â
He knew it would be easy to get married to you. You wonât cause him troubles. You wonât stress him out. You know how to take care of yourself. You know how to do things on your own.
But he didnât expect that it would be this easy for him to be himself around you. He didnât know it would be easy for him to accept you into his new life. Most importantly, he didnât know that he could love again like how he used to.Â
Actually, scratch that. He loves you more than he used to love anyone in his life. That speaks volume. If Jay and Sunghoon are here, they would give him the âI told you soâ look.Â
I love y/n. I really love this woman with all my heart.Â
âY/n?âÂ
You and Jake were walking with your arm around his when suddenly a voice called out for you. You turn to your back, and your jaw dropped instantly at your sight. Without second thought, you let go of your husband and run towards the person.Â
âSunoo! What are you doing here?âÂ
You pulled Sunoo into a hug, and he reciprocates by wrapping his arms around your waist. Your husbandâs eyes widened at the sight.Â
Did she forget she has a husband?! Jake thought to himself.Â
You released Sunoo from the hug so that he can reply to you better.Â
âI was just walking around. Didnât expect you to be here as well.âÂ
You nod your head at him. After a few seconds, you turn to Jake and call him using your hand gesture.Â
Jake walks beside you. His eyes shooting hole into Sunooâs face as his jaw tighten.Â
âI know youâve met him before, but this is Jake, my husband.âÂ
You introduced the man to Sunoo and lands your head against your husbandâs shoulder, completely oblivious at how pissed Jake looked right now.Â
Unlike you, Sunoo as a man, can see how jealous the man in front of him is. I mean, which husband wonât be jealous when his wife hugs another guy right in front of his face. Smiling to himself, Sunoo politely held out his hand towards Jake.Â
âHey, we met at the wedding but Iâm Sunoo, y/nâs friend.âÂ
Jake didnât say anything but shakes Sunooâs hand, for the sake of you. He pulls his hand away almost instantly, making the other manâs lips curl into a small smirk.Â
âWell, Iâll leave you two lovebirds behind. Donât want to interrupt the date. See you when I see you, y/n.âÂ
Sunoo pats your arm and give Jake a courtesy nod before walking away, leaving you together with your husband.Â
You were about to say something when Jake beat you to it.Â
âIs it fun being friendly with another guy in front of your husbandâs face?âÂ
You blink your eyes at the sudden burst of jealousy from Jake. You study his face properly. His cheeks are red as a result of him trying to hold back his anger. His lips forming a pout, the same one that youâve witnessed since high school.Â
Jake looks so adorable right now that he makes you snort lightly.Â
âOh? Is my husband jealous?âÂ
Jake squints his eyes at you before turning his head away.Â
âAny husband would hate to see his wife being all over a guy other than him.âÂ
He is jealous, you thought to yourself. You were about to console him, but before you could say anything, Jake decided to walk ahead of you, purposely leaving you as a sign of protest.Â
His action makes you scoff. Despite his height being taller than you and not to mention his status higher than you, he still acts like a kid. You shake your head before chasing after him.Â
âWhere are you going~â you asked him teasingly.Â
âAway from you.âÂ
You let out a soft âoohâ before continuing to chase after him. When you are within the reach, you hold his hand, stopping him from his track. Although his body is facing you, his head is still facing the other side.Â
You bring his hand to your lips and leave a soft kiss against his knuckle. You can feel him stiffen at your sudden action, but he still refuses to face you. You let out a soft sigh before your lips curl up into a smile.Â
Itâs usually the husband you have to persuade his wife, but now, itâs the other way around â and you are not complaining about it.Â
âYou donât have to worry about it, Jake. Iâm not his type.âÂ
Your words manage to make Jake faces you. His brows that were frowning earlier become deeper as he heard your sentences.Â
âWhy? You are beautiful. You are nice. Anyone would want you. How can you not be his ideal type? Does he think that heâs better than y-âÂ
Jakeâs mouth was stopped by your finger against it. If only heâs not upset with you, he might as well kiss it. But his ego got the best of him, so he just stands there silently.Â
âItâs not like that. What I mean to say is⊠women are not his type.âÂ
Your husband nods his head when you explain-Â
âWait. So, Sunoo isâŠâÂ
He doesnât need to complete his sentence when youâre already nodding your head, knowing what he was about to ask. Unconsciously, Jake let out a loud sigh of relief. He thought that someone was about to sweep you off your feet. Â
Well, even if Sunoo did, he knows he will make sure to bring you back into his arms one way or another.Â
Jake looks at you who is now smiling innocently at him.Â
Fuck, how can she look so adorable.Â
Refused to back down, he clears his throat and pinch your nose lightly, making sure it wonât hurt you. You scrunch your nose at him. You were about to pinch his cheek as a revenge, but he managed to stop your hand.Â
He then leans his face close to yours.Â
âBut I still donât like how you left and hug him in front of me. Donât do that again, alright.âÂ
Your lips form a pout, but you nod obediently at his words. Of course, you should know that no matter how close you are with your guy friends, you must remember that you have a husband to take care of.Â
âOkay. Iâm sorry for leaving you and hug him like that.âÂ
Jakeâs lips curl up into a smile, hearing your apologies. He takes your hand that was in his earlier and kiss it lovingly. Your eyes turn to the other side, an attempt to hide away your shyness. Jake just chuckles lightly at your actions before planting another kiss on top of your head.Â
âShall we get going now?âÂ
âÂ
Two months later, you and Jake are attending the companyâs annual gala night. However, this gala night is special because it is also the night that Mr. Sim, your father-in-law, will pass down the responsibilities as CEO to his son.Â
Although you are excited for Jake, you canât seem to throw away the thoughts that your marriage will come to an end. Yes, both you and Jake are happy with each other. Happier than you had been in your life. But it still doesnât change the fact that he got married to you just so he could gain the title as his dadâs successor.Â
A tap on your shoulder wakes you up from your thoughts. You look to your side, just to see your husband tilting his head slightly.Â
âWhat is this? Are you thinking about other man than me?âÂ
He squints his eyes at you like how he would usually do. You hiss at him and hit his shoulder lightly.Â
âWhy should I think about other people, when my husband is with me?âÂ
You wrap your arm around his as your other hand rub against the spot that you hit earlier gently. Jake smiles softly at you before pecking your forehead softly, making sure not to ruin your make up and hairdo.Â
You and Jake continue to greet the guests. From time to time, you would join in their conversation but mostly you let Jake do the talking.Â
Suddenly, the hall light shuts down and a spotlight shine at the centre of the stage. There, stand Mr. Sim on the podium, getting ready to deliver his speech. Everyoneâs attention diverts to the man.Â
He clears his throat and run his eyes across the hall.Â
âGood evening to everyone. I would like to thank all of you for your time tonight. I believe we already know the purpose of tonight considering that we did this every year.âÂ
Everyone including you laugh at Mr. Simâs greetings.Â
âAs mentioned, we held the gala night annually without fail. Personally, itâs a way for me to appreciate everyoneâs effort in making this business grow bigger each year.âÂ
The hall is filled with claps.Â
âBut tonight is different than before. Unlike the previous gala night, we are not only here to have fun. It is also the night where I will make an important announcement that will change the company into a better one.âÂ
You look to your side, just to see that Jake is fidgeting and gulping nervously. You smile to yourself before leaning to his ear.Â
âYou will be fine, Jake. Iâm here with you.âÂ
Jake turns to look at you, who is already smiling at him. Just like that, he can feel his anxiousness slowly tone down. Itâs funny how before this Jake is so opposed to getting married just for the title.Â
Now, he understands why his dad said what he said to him before. True to his words, behind every successful man, thereâs his wife. Jake never thought that he will see the day where thereâs a woman behind him.Â
But with you supporting him directly, he believes that he can go through all the challenges and difficulties that he will face in the future. No matter how hard it is, heâs willing to go through it as long as you are with him. Â
Just like that, from this moment, Jake vow to himself that he will never, ever, let you go.Â
âLadies and gentlemen. Without further ado, I present to you, the Simâs new successor, Sim Jaeyun.âÂ
The sound of claps filled the hall once again for the night. A spotlight pointed to Jake. He looks around the hall with a proud smile and bow his head politely. Before he walks up the stage, he turns towards you and hold your hands. Without second thought, he brings your hands and place a long kiss against it, making everyone looks at both of you with awe.Â
You nudge your hand lightly against his lips, making him look up at your crimson red face.Â
âFaster go,â you mouthed at him. He grins widely at you and flash you a wink before letting go of your hands and walks up onto the stage.Â
You just watch the view in front of you with a proud smile. Your husband is hugging your father-in-law so tightly. He is so proud of his own son, just like how he is proud with Jakeâs older brother when he saw how successful he had become.Â
âCongratulations Mrs. Sim for your achievement.âÂ
A voice said beside you, making your head turn to the owner. Turns out the owner of the voice belongs to Sunghoon as he stands next to you.Â
âYou must be so proud of him.âÂ
Another voice said on your other side, and you know it belongs to Jay. You just shake your head lightly at both of their remarks.Â
âOf course Iâm proud of him. But I didnât do anything for you to congratulate me.âÂ
Jay looks at you for a short while before turning back to the stage. Both of his hands are in his pocket as he watches Jake giving his thank you speech.Â
âNo, you deserve the wish as well. In fact, we must thank you for everything that youâve done for Jake.âÂ
You frown slightly at Jayâs words. You donât quite understand what he meant by that. But, as you were about to ask, Sunghoon cut you off.Â
âYeah, heâs a better man now, because of you.âÂ
Despite your confusion, both of the menâs words still manage to soften your heart. Before you know it, tears escaped your cheeks. That was the nicest thing someone has ever tell you. You didnât know that you needed until tonight.Â
Being recognized by Jakeâs best friend just hit a certain spot in you. You made a mental note to ask about it later. But for now, you decide to focus on the manâs speech.Â
â⊠And to my wife, know that I will not be able to do this without you. You have been nothing but my strength and my support. You were there through ups and downs. I thank you so much. You are my woman and will always be my woman.âÂ
Everyone howls at Jakeâs words and the two men besides you whistle proudly. You just shake your head while letting out a chuckle and clap your hands. Jake is so silly. Your husband is so silly â and you will never ask for anything better than this.Â
After the end of the speech, you and Jake continue to talk to the guests with his arm circling around your waist the entire time. They all congratulate both of you for Jakeâs achievements in becoming the new CEO. It is safe to say that the night went smoothly.Â
But nothing in this world is perfect, right?Â
âCongratulations, Jake.âÂ
There, standing in front of you, a beautiful, mesmerizing woman in a gorgeous emerald green dress. She looks so breathtakingly beautiful to the point that your jaw drops slightly at her presence.Â
Unlike you, Jakeâs smile falls upon seeing her. He clenches his jaw and tighten his grips against your waist. He forgot that her parents were invited to the gala by his dad. So naturally, she would be here as well.Â
âThanks, Yunjin.âÂ
The womanâs smile widens at the way Jake called her name. Her eyes then shift to you, who is still lost in her beauty. Yunjin let out a chuckle.Â
âHi, my name is Yunjin, Jakeâs friend.âÂ
Bullshit, he thought.Â
You blink your eyes for a few seconds, trying to wake up from your own daze.Â
âAh, I see. Iâm y/n, Jakeâs wife. He never mentions that he has such a beautiful friend as you.âÂ
Yunjin looks at Jake for a few moments before letting out another chuckle. Her cheeks are now a bit red from your compliment.Â
Her laugh also sounds beautiful like her, you thought to yourself.Â
âPlease don't say that. You are more beautiful, y/n. Besides, itâs been so long since we last met each other as well,â she said before her eyes fall upon Jake once again for the night, just to see that Jake is already looking at her.Â
Your eyes turn to look at Jake and Yunjin back and forth. Jake is staring at her with an expression that you donât quite understand, while Yunjin is looking at him softly, exactly like a woman missing her partner.Â
Thatâs when it clicked in your head. Youâve heard that Jake had a girlfriend the first day you joined the company. If your guess is right, Yunjin is his ex-girlfriend. Saying that she is just a friend is a way of her being considerate of your feelings.Â
You donât know what happened, but deep inside, you know that there are some unfinished businesses. You felt it through the tension that is slowly building up between them. Not even the sharpest knife can cut through it.Â
Before you know it, your gaze drops to the floor. Clearly, you are upset with the situation. But who are you to say anything. They had their own past. It was all just an old story. It was his past.Â
Thatâs what you keep telling yourself.Â
âWell, I better get going. You guys must have a lot of things to do.âÂ
Yunjinâs words manage to pull you into reality.Â
âSee you around, y/n.âÂ
You try your best to smile sincerely, doing your best to show that none of these are affecting you.Â
âSee you around, Yunjin.âÂ
With the same previous smile on her face, she nods her head at you before once again turning to face Jake.Â
âJake.âÂ
She called out his name, but the only thing he did was nods his head towards her as his eyes turns somewhere else, refusing to meet her eyes.Â
Yunjin then walks away from you. You didnât know how long it had been but the sigh that you let out indicating that youâve been holding your breath for quite a while now. Your heart beats so loud as if itâs about to jump out of your body.Â
You swallow your saliva to calm yourself down before excusing yourself from your husband, saying that you need to go to the washroom.Â
Just like that, Jake is left alone in the middle of the hall. He frowns at the situation. Fuck, he said to himself. He should have handled it better.Â
Jake knows that you are upset. Going to the washroom was just a way for you to walk away from the previous commotion. As if meeting his ex-girlfriend is not the worse part of the night, his best friend came to him, probably to lecture him.Â
âWhat happened, Jake,â the older one asked.Â
Jake bites his lower lips.Â
âShe came and greet usâŠâÂ
âAnd?â Sunghoon encouraged Jake to continue his words.Â
âAnd I didnât know how to react to it. I thought that if I said something, I might⊠I mightâŠâÂ
I might lose control and y/n might hate me for it, Jake continued inside his mind.Â
Jay drapes his arm around Jakeâs shoulder, pulling him into a side hug in hopes it can at least comfort him after what just happened.Â
The guys know that itâs not easy for Jake to communicate with his ex, considering that they had a good time together just for it to end all of a sudden. But they canât also invalid your feelings.
As a wife, they knew you must have figured out that they had something going on back then. Itâs understandable that you would be upset over it even though it already ended long time ago.Â
âI donât know whatâs going on between you and Yunjin, but I want you to remember that you have y/n now. One thing I can see from her is that sheâs loyal and sincere. Sheâs a woman, your wife. Whatever you want to do, consider her feelings as well.âÂ
Jake nods his head at Sunghoonâs words. He inhales deeply and exhale, trying to calm himself down. He puffs out his cheeks as he collects his inner thoughts.Â
âDo you think I can be a good husband to y/n?âÂ
Jay and Sunghoon steal a glance to each other before their lips curl up into a smirk.Â
âItâs up to you, man. But I think you have always been waiting for her. Ever since high school, youâve wait for her. Now that sheâs in front of you, why not grab your chance?âÂ
Jake looks up at Jay as the older one encouraged him to move forward. Jay nods his head at Jake.Â
âAnd a little birdie told me that she is also waiting for you at the balcony just outside of the hall,â Sunghoon said as he pointed the place with his face to Jake.Â
Jake scoffs at himself. He canât believe he is down bad for you. The fact that his best friends had been his witnesses made him feel even more dumb than he already is. He then pulls both Jay and Sunghoon into a hug.Â
They hug the man back and their hug last for quite a while. It was at this moment that reminds Jake once again just how important Sunghoon and Jay are in his life. His ride or die. The one who would be there to give him facts, no matter how hurtful it is. The one who would give motivations for him whenever he needs it. And he would gladly do the same to them as well.Â
Jake let go of his friends. With a deep breath, he walks towards the balcony where you are leaning against railing.Â
Although your back is facing him, he canât deny the fact that you look glowing in your white dress. The way your head tilted slightly to the sky, allowing the moon to shine its light to you. You look better than his dreams.Â
With careful steps, he walks towards you.Â
âWhat are you thinking, princess?âÂ
You turn your head slightly at the voice, before facing forwards again.Â
âNothing important.âÂ
âThen, why do you look like a damsel in distress, my lady?âÂ
The closeness of his voice startled you. You didnât realize when it happened, but his arms are already on your side, trapping you against the balcony. Slowly, you turn your back towards him. Your eyes move from down and up to his face.Â
Youâve always thought Jake as a handsome man. But right now, he looks even better than before. His face is so close that you can see the length of his eyelashes. His nose that would occasionally bump into your head and cheeks as he leaves pecks here and there. His lips⊠the same lips that would kiss you everywhere but your lips.Â
The last time you felt it against yours was when you were pronounced as husband and wife. It was a short one, but you can still feel it tingling against yours. You would do anything just to feel that lips once again.Â
However, you know you canât. Not when he was about to divorce you right here, right now. Mustering your courage, you look into his eyes. Although your tears are threatening to escape, youâre trying your best to hold it in by burying your nails into your hand.Â
âJake, congratulations. Youâre finally where you want to be now. Youâve been working so hard to prove that youâre worth it. Now, you got it.âÂ
Jakeâs eyes soften at your words and his grip weakens. You sniff before continuing your words.Â
âThank you for being a husband for me. A real one at that. I didnât know anyone would do anything for me aside from my parents. There is not a single moment where I regret having you as my husband. Thank you for everything that you did for me. I will cherish all the memories until the end of my life.âÂ
As you finished your sentence, the tears that youâve been holding back finally roll down your cheeks. You have said everything that you want to say. Whatever happens after this, you will accept it with all your heart. When Jake decides to stop everything with you, you will have to be ready to let him go.
Jakeâs hands move up to cup your face. You close your eyes at what about to happen.Â
Do it. Iâll be fine. I can take it.Â
You can feel his thumbs brushes your tears away, but then you feel his lips against your forehead. You open your eyes and look up at him, just to see him looking at you with a loving smile. His tears run down his cheeks, mirroring yours. Jake takes a deep breath. He then looks at you again with the same smile.Â
âLetâs end this.âÂ
He said it. He finally said it. The words that you were waiting to hear from him. He said it. You thought that you could handle it, but your reaction proves you wrong.Â
You burst into crying in his hands. Every emotion that youâve been holding back are showing itself. You are not okay. You will never be okay. Call you selfish, but you want to be with him always and forever. You need Jake, even if he didnât need you.Â
Or so you thought.Â
âLetâs stop pretending, and love each other for real.âÂ
His words managed to make you look at him with your eyes widened. The expression of your face clearly shows Jake that it was not what you expected to hear tonight. You thought that he would divorce you. After he got the position as CEO, he would put this to an end. Thatâs how it should be.Â
You try to breath properly. Looking at how difficult it is for you to calm down, he moves one of his hands and rubs your back while his other hand caressing your cheeks softly. Jake inhale and exhale along with you, in hopes for you to follow his breathing pattern.Â
When youâve finally calm down, you blink your tears away from your eyes, trying to see Jake in a clear view.Â
âBut you told me that you would end this marriage after you get the title.âÂ
Jake looks at you for a few seconds before letting out a soft laugh. He didnât miss the pout that is forming on your face, making you look like a little girl crying for her lollipop. He shakes his head.Â
âI may have implied that, and Iâm so sorry.âÂ
Your eyes never leave Jake as you wait for him to continue his words.Â
âI thought that whatever we had between us will merely be another fleeting moment. But the more Iâm with you, the greedier I became. What started of as pretending, I want it to be real. All of the moments that I had with you was everything I could imagine. Hell, it was better than my imaginations. You made it so easy to be with you. To cherish you. To care for you. Before I knew it, I want you all to myself.âÂ
Jakeâs arm that was on your back quickly circles your waist, pulling you close to his body. Slowly, he leans to your face, just enough for his lips to brush against yours.Â
âYou are my lady. You are my woman. You are my wife. You are mine, and Iâm not letting you go, ever.âÂ
You gasp at his words. You canât think straight after what you just heard. Who knows a guy like Jake can also be this romantic towards someone. Even more towards you. You, who just happened to study in the same school and work in the same place as he is. There are thousands of women he could go for, and yet he chose to settle down with you. At this point, you can die happily. Â
âSo, what do you say, Mrs. Sim? Are you in for it, or you want to run away? But just so you know, I will chase you to the end of the world if you choose the latter.âÂ
Your eyes search for his, just to see that heâs already gazing at you with sincerity, passion, and a hint of something youâve never seen before. The guy that youâve been watching and only watching are in front of you with his arm clinging onto your waist protectively.Â
You know that if you try to say anything, your voice will betray you. So, you opt for the easier choice â nodding your head, indicating that youâre saying yes to him.Â
The corner of Jakeâs lips curls up into a small smirk before he claims your lips with his. After holding back for so long, he finally has you in his arms as his one and only. Good things always come to those who wait. Jake might have to study more about the philosophies considering that it had been proven real to him.Â
The kiss that both of you shares are filled with a lot of passion and affections. All the restrains that you and Jake put onto yourself are now broken. His hands are now rubbing on your side as he turns his head to the other side, deepening the kiss. You let Jake lead the kiss as you circle your arms around his neck to prevent you from falling.Â
You are not surprised that his kiss will make you weak at your knees. You have always known he would be a good kisser. But you didnât expect that he will kiss you as if his life depends on it.Â
A moan escapes from you when Jake purposely bites your lower lips. Both of you pull away slightly to take a breath. Looking at Jakeâs expression, you finally understand the meaning behind his gaze earlier.Â
As for Jake, he is staring at you. You look more beautiful than you already are with your lips slightly swollen because of him â and he takes pride in it. He was planning to tease you when he bit you earlier. He didnât know that you would make a sound that could awakened something in him. He knew that he wonât be able to take it if he didnât control himself, so he put your kiss into a halt.Â
Jake brushes his nose gently against yours, making you look up to him. His hand moves up to caress your cheek once again.Â
âAll the time spent of me looking at you from afar back in school, I knew itâs going to be worth it.âÂ
Your cheeks turn bright red at his words, but it didnât fail to make you frown in confusion.Â
âLooking at me? You were looking at me the whole time?! I thought I was the one doing that to you?âÂ
Jake chuckles at your words before placing a soft peck against your nose.Â
âYou werenât the only one who have great eyes.âÂ
He winks at you, making you laugh along with him. You didnât know that he was doing the same thing that you did to him. Maybe you are fated for him, just like he thought when he met you for the first time.Â
âI love you, Mrs. Sim Y/n.âÂ
âI love you too, Mr. Sim Jaeyun.âÂ
Both of you stay in silent, just admiring each other before Jake decided to break it.Â
âSo, shall we go and continue this somewhere else? I donât think I can hold myself longer.âÂ
Your jaw dropped at his words before hitting his chest. He winces in pain and rubs the spot before turning to you and steals a kiss on your lips. He then picks you up bridal style and bring you back home, where you will be spending time with him all night long, skin-to-skin.Â
âÂ
It had been months since Jake was announced as the new CEO of the infamous Simâs company. The business starts to grow even more. A lot of international clients are interested to work alongside with Jake. He is compatible, responsible, and most importantly, he knows what he wants, and he knows he will get it.Â
But of course, you were there with him the whole time. Ever since you and Jake confessed to each other, both of you are becoming more and more clingy and loving towards each other. Nevertheless, you know the difference between professionalism and personal, considering that you are now working as your husbandâs secretary.Â
You tried to deny his offer a lot of times before, saying that it will be a talk of the office if she becomes his secretary. But knowing Jake, he wants to make sure that you are with him all the time. Well, he wishes for you to be with him every time.Â
Until he has a business trip to attend to.Â
âAre you sure you donât want to follow me? You can rest there,â Jake tried to persuade you for the nth times to follow him to the trip. His lips keep on placing kisses to yours with his arms around your waist, an attempt to melt your down.Â
âBut you will be working, my love. I donât want to go anywhere without you. It will feel incomplete without you by my side.âÂ
Jake groans softly at your words, but he canât deny it as well. You are telling the truth. He will be working all day and will only come back at night. If he were at your shoes, he would refuse to go as well. Whatâs the point of going on a trip with your spouse if you canât spend time together properly.Â
But it doesnât change the fact that Jake is still sad, thinking about not having you with him for three days straight. Naturally, a pout forms on his face, showing that heâs still upset.Â
You let out a soft sigh as you look at your husband. You then stand on your toe and kiss his pout away.Â
âLetâs put it this way â the sooner you take off, the sooner you will be back with me. Does that sound better to you?âÂ
Jake just nods his head obediently, once again resembling a puppy. He then pulls you into a tight hug.Â
âI love you, Mrs. Sim. Remember that, okay?âÂ
The corner of your lips curls up into a smile as your rub your husbandâs back up and down.Â
âI love you too, Mr. Sim. Always and forever.âÂ
Both of you let go of each other, yet your hands are still intertwined with one another. The sight makes you chuckle a bit.Â
âYou need to go. Donât want you to miss the flight.âÂ
Jake nods his head once again. After leaving kisses on your head, down to your forehead, eyes, nose and lips, he finally walks into the gate, waving his hand at you. You wave back to him with a reassuring smile on your face.Â
Once he is gone from your sight, you start to miss his presence. This is the first time you had to separate with him ever since your marriage. He was always there with you, whether to comfort you, love you, or even annoy the hell out of you.Â
But as his wife, you know he needs your full support for him to move forward and bringing you along with him on this journey. You need to be in your optimum energy to help him achieve his dreams.Â
That is why you are currently in the bakery nearby your house. You canât be energetic if you are hungry. You were scanning through all of the options when someone called your name from behind.Â
âY/n?âÂ
You turn to the owner of the voice, just to see Yunjin, looking effortlessly beautiful like she always does.Â
âI never thought I would bump into you here. Are you alone?âÂ
Her question bothers you a bit, not going to lie. But you remind yourself that it was all in the past. Jake is yours, and only yours.Â
With a genuine smile, you look up at her. âYeah. Jake is on a trip for a few days. Iâm just running a quick errand.âÂ
Yunjin nods her head at you. Her eyes soften at the sight of you.Â
âJake is so lucky to have a wife like you. So beautiful yet so diligent.âÂ
You look down at Yunjinâs sudden compliments. Your cheeks are slowly turning into crimson red. It makes it impossible for Yunjin not to find you adorable.Â
âAh, how about we hang out whenever we have time. Hereâs my number.âÂ
Yunjin holds out her business card. You look at it. Huh Yunjin, the owner of YJ Fashion House. You knew Yunjin is an amazing woman, and her status just increase her level in your head. You take the card and keep it safely in your bag.Â
âSure. Thank you for the offer Yunjin.âÂ
She just nods her head to you. As you were about to bid her goodbye, she put you into a halt.Â
âOh also, can we take a picture together? Iâve been dying to have one with you ever since we met that day.âÂ
Your eyes twinkles at the thought of a brilliant woman such as Yunjin, wanting to take pictures with you, who are just merely a secretary to your husband. You then nod your head at her, giving her your approval.Â
She grins widely, showing how happy she is. Using her phone, she flips the camera so that you and Yunjin can take a few selfies.Â
âI will send the pictures to you later. It was nice meeting you again, y/n.âÂ
âIt was nice meeting you as well, Yunjin.âÂ
Just like that, both of you part your ways to your own destinations, not knowing that a storm will be coming your way soon.Â
âÂ
After three full days of dealing with works, Jake finally returns to your arms during the weekends. At first, Jake insists to bring you out. But you donât want him to force himself as he needs rest.Â
So, during the weekends, you decided to just stay inside and pamper Jake to the fullest. Of course, being the clingy needy husband he is, he don't mind it at all. For two days straight you pay attention to him and only him, and he did the same to you.Â
No talking about work. Just small talks from time to time. Most of the time though you spend your time with Jake snuggling and cuddling you. You love the fact that he is not afraid to show his vulnerable side to you. He may look like he got it together in front of people, but with you, heâs still a kid stuck in a grown-up body.Â
But of course, that doesnât last longer. There are times when he wants more than just be close to you â and he did just that. You donât know how you can handle it considering that his drives are quite high.
Just like that, the weekends passed by quickly and you are back to being his secretary once again. As usual, you would inform his schedule and relay messages that you received on behalf of Jake while he was away. The files that are in need of his actions had been laid out neatly on his table.Â
âCan I get you anything, Mr. Sim?â You asked after youâve finished conveying everything that he needs to know.Â
Jake hums softly. âCan you tell Mrs. Sim that she looks ravishing today?âÂ
You roll your eyes at his remarks as he flashes an innocent smile at you.Â
âI will let her know, Mr. Sim. If thereâs nothing, I will make my way.âÂ
You bow your head respectfully before sending him a playful wink and walk out of his office. Â
Jake being Jake decides to follow you â specifically your butt â with his eyes until you are out of his sight. This have happened countless times before. If he ignores the professionalism between both of you, he knows he would have you in his office any time he wanted.Â
Without wasting any more time, Jakeâs hands move across the files and papers on his tray. He lets out a soft sigh looking at the amount of works that he needs to review. Well, he did ask for it so he canât say anything about it.Â
But what really catches his attention is a brown envelope, sealed perfectly. The only thing written on the envelope is Jakeâs name. He takes the envelope and turn it. There, he could see the word âprivate and confidentialâ.Â
He tilts his head to the side. He doesnât recall any agreements that he needs to sign that is confidential. With a shrug of his shoulder, he unseals the envelope. He inserts his hand into it and take out what seems to be pictures.Â
His curiosity changed into anger as fast as lightning at the view in front of him. His eyes are brimming with tears, threaten to fall. With shaking hands, he pressed the intercom and called you into his office.Â
He doesnât sound good. Youâve known him long enough to know that he is upset just by his voice through the speaker. Without a second thought, you knock on his door and enter his office when he approves of you.Â
You look at his state with a frown. His face is hidden behind his arms that was connected as he clasps his hand together. If you could make a guess, you would say that he looks miserable. You were about to ask him, but he decided to speak up first.Â
âWhat were you doing when I wasnât around?âÂ
Your frown grows deeper at his question.Â
âI was at the office in the morning and went back home in the evening. I didnât go anywhere except for grocery stores to buy a few stuffs for our home.âÂ
Jake scoffs at your last two words. Our home.Â
âOur home, where you were fucking someone else in our bed?âÂ
Your jaws dropped at his words. This is unfair. Did he really think that low of you? That you would simply having fun with other guys when heâs not around? This is ridiculous.Â
One thing you canât stand is when people falsely blaming you on something that you didnât do. Slowly, you can feel yourself getting fired up.Â
"You, out of people, accused me of cheating on you?"Â
Jake lifts his head up to look at you. His eyes are red from all the crying that he did before you stepped into the office.Â
"Well, explain these then?"Â
Jake threw the pictures in his hands on the table. You bend down to get a better view of it. In those pictures, it was you and a man, tangled to one another in various positions.Â
Your eyes widened at the images in front of you. You knew it wasn't you. Although it was your face in there, but you didn't do all of that. You would never betray the trust of the man in front of you. You didnât even think of betraying him in the first place.Â
But how, how can the woman in the picture looks a lot like you, when you know you have never slept with any man other than him.Â
"I don't know about this Jake, but I swear I have never done all of these. Please, believe me."Â
Your eyes are glistening with tears as you look at him, begging for him to trust you.Â
But you know it was no use. The way he looks at you is no longer like how he used to. It was filled with love and affection ever since the day both of you said, 'I do'. Â
Now, it was as if whatever he felt for you has vanished. The only emotion that he could feel is numbness and emptiness. He thought that you would be different than others. Turns out you're just the same.Â
You're just another woman, staying by his side just for the benefits.Â
Without saying anything, Jake grabs his blazer and walks out of the office, leaving you standing in the room, crying your heart out.Â
This isn't what you imagined how it's going to be. You thought everything would be fine the moment Jake kissed you that day. That you would finally experience your first and true love.Â
You didn't expect for all of these to happen. Your mind suddenly drifts off to the night of the gala. Were you and Jake not supposed to have your happy ending? If only one of you end this marriage like how it should, would any of this still happened?Â
Right, this all happened because of you. You selfishly want to be in this marriage despite knowing that it has to come to an end. You have no one to blame but yourself.Â
You thought that you finally had him for yourself. The man that you have always been attracted to. The man that never fails to make your heart feels full. You were stupid enough to believe that.Â
As you are left alone in the office, you thought to yourself, âI shouldâve let my fairytale remain as a fairytale'.Â
âÂ
âHuh, itâs surprising to see that you are not drunk. Guess you really changed.âÂ
Jayâs disclaimer receives a glare from Jake. His expression clearly shows that he is not in the mood for jokes or anything stupid.Â
âAnd what do you mean by that?âÂ
âWhen you broke up last time, you almost got into a fight with me,â Sunghoon answered on behalf of Jay.Â
Jake turns to Sunghoon before letting out a scoff.Â
âIn my defence, you started it.âÂ
Sunghoon raise one of his brows. He decides to ignore the remarks to avoid any arguments... again. He raises his glass to his lips and drink from it.Â
âSo, what is it this time?âÂ
Jake sigh at Jayâs question. He contemplates whether to tell his friends the truth or not. His friends on the other hand, knows him too well.Â
Despite getting hurt or betrayed, Jake had always been selective in giving out details about his personal life. For him, itâs supposed to be kept in minimal. Whatever happened inside the house, stays inside the house.Â
As much as his friends respect him for that, sometimes they wish that Jake could open up just a bit, so that they can help him in any way they feel necessary.Â
âLetâs just say that our marriage is getting too... crowded.âÂ
Jay and Sunghoon look at each other. It wasnât that direct, but itâs not indirect either. Everyone has their own interpretation. In this case, Jake seems to imply that there is a third party involved in their relationship.Â
However, Jay and Sunghoon found it hard to believe because you donât look like someone who would go out there and cheat on a man that truly love you for who you are. But then, they might be wrong as well.Â
âAre you sure y/n would do that to you?âÂ
Jake shrugs his shoulders at Jakeâs question. He lifts his glass to his lips and gulp down the remaining liquid.Â
âAs much as I would like to deny it, Iâm not sure if I can do that with the evidence that I have.âÂ
Sunghoon nods his head in understanding manner. He then pats Jakeâs shoulder and flash him a small smile.Â
âYou do what you got to do man. Weâll be here for you, always.âÂ
Jake replies Sunghoon with a smile. Heâs truly blessed for having such understanding best friends. He might not be lucky in love, but he knows he won lottery with friendship. So, itâs okay.Â
Heâs going to be okay.Â
Heâs going to be okay.Â
I'm going to be okay.Â
When Jake enters the dark room, suddenly everything feels empty. It feels like his life is crumbling down again. The thought that he kept repeating like a mantra before vanished just like that.Â
He knows he canât possibly go back home. Not with his current state. He needs to get away from all of these. He wants to forget about everything.Â
Unconsciously, he walks towards his office desk. The pictures were still scattered like how he left them earlier. The pictures are enough to ignite his anger. He has never felt so deeply disappointed in someone before.Â
He thought that he knows you enough to not be suspicious of you. But he never knew that youâre just another wolf in sheepâs skin.Â
Jake picks up one of the pictures. If only he could get hold onto the man in the picture, he knew he would beat him up until no one could recognize him ever again.Â
Maybe he shouldâve ended their relationship according to the original plan. Jake sighs to himself. He has no one to blame but himself. He trusts you too easily. In the end, he is the one who got fooled.Â
He examines the picture one last time for the night as heâs thinking of a solution to all of this.Â
When he finally found an answer, the corner of his lips curls up into a smirk. Bingo.Â
âÂ
Hundreds of calls, thousands of messages, and you still havenât heard anything from Jake.Â
You know that he needs some time to calm down. Yet you canât help but to feel worried for him. The least you want to know is where would he spend the night and if heâs eaten anything.Â
But there is nothing you can do. You must let him be for the night. To be fair, no one would be okay if out of nowhere thereâs a picture of your partner being intimate with another person â let alone tons of pictures of it.Â
Your tears had dried down from all the crying that you did earlier. As soon as Jake stormed out of the office, you made the decision to empty out his schedule for the day, claiming that he was on sick leave.Â
As for you, you requested to take a week leave and informed Mr. Sim â your father-in-law â about it. You didnât say for what but by the look on your face, he could guess there is something going on between you and Jake.Â
âThings are bound to happen. Take a break. I promise you it will be fine. Sooner or later, it will get better.âÂ
You smile at his words. You are not sure if you and Jake will ever be fine after the incident but at least your father-in-law's words managed to bring up your spirit.Â
As much as you are still upset about everything, you want to get everything right. You will make it right again.Â
You are sitting on the couch in the living room with a picture in your hand. You managed to steal one of it from the pile in Jakeâs office earlier.Â
Biting your lower lips, you lift the picture to your face so you can see it more clearly. Thatâs when you notice something different about the picture.Â
Without second thought, you grab your phone and dial a number. After a few rings, the receiver picks up the phone.Â
âHey, can we meet up tomorrow?âÂ
âÂ
âSo, what do you think?âÂ
Sunoo hums to himself and look at you. He hands the picture that you gave earlier.Â
âYouâre right. Itâs edited. Most probably AI.âÂ
You tilt your head in confusion.Â
âAI?âÂ
âArtificial Intelligence. It was programmed to help human in various ways â workforce, study, music â you name it.âÂ
You nod your head before a frown form on your face.Â
âBut what does that have to do with my case?âÂ
Sunoo smirks to himself. He pulls out his phone and type something on his phone before showing you a picture. You take his phone and identify it. You donât know why but the picture looks very familiar to you. It was as if you have been there.Â
Thatâs when it clicks in your head. You look at the personâs face closer and you see that the person resembles Sunoo but heâs wearing the outfit that you used to wear back in college.Â
âIsnât this my picture? Why does this look like you?âÂ
Sunoo smiles at your reaction.Â
âThatâs also an AI. I just chose a picture of my face and replaced it with yours. It didnât copy my face 100% but the resemblance is there.âÂ
His smile fades away as he leans forward to you.Â
âThe same thing with your case. Whoever edited it must have your picture as well. Yes, AI can be helpful to us. But some people use it for other purposes â framing, blackmailing, humiliation. At the end of the day, it depends on the personâs intention.âÂ
You think to yourself, trying to figure out the possible suspect. As far as you know, none of the people in your circle is suspicious considering. Thereâs only Sunoo, few of your college friends, and-Â
Your eyes widen at the realization. You look up at Sunoo.Â
âIt couldnât beâŠâÂ
âÂ
âJake!âÂ
Jake turns his head towards the owner of the voice. There, stand his ex-girlfriend, looking like how she normally would.Â
âItâs been a long time since we last talk to each other, right,â she said before inviting herself to sit across him.Â
Jake didnât do anything except following her movements with his eyes. Â
âSo, whatâs the sudden occasion? I thought you blocked me already.âÂ
He let out a soft chuckle at Yunjinâs remarks before shaking his head and flashing her a small smile.Â
âNothing. Just thought that it would be nice to meet you again.âÂ
Yunjin bites her lower lips, holding back herself from smiling too widely at the possibility of Jake missing her like how she missed him.Â
âDonât say it like that. If your wife heard you, she would think that we had something going on.âÂ
Jakeâs face fell at the mention of his wife, and Yunjin didnât miss that. Her expression changed to worry when she saw Jake frowns his brows.Â
âHey, did anything happen?âÂ
Jake swallows his saliva, a bit too loud for her liking. He then shakes his head, trying to not make Yunjin ask further questions about it.Â
She sighs softly at Jake. Heâs always so nice. Yunjin was used to this side of Jake. Just like his friends, she too knows that Jake isnât someone who would simply talk about his life to anyone.Â
But looking at his state now, Yunjin wishes nothing but for Jake to at least share a bit of the burden with her. She wishes that she can take care of him, like how she used to back then.Â
Yunjin reaches her hand to Jakeâs on the table, making the guy lifts his face to look at her. She flashes him a soft smile as she caresses his hand.Â
âDonât worry. Iâm here for you, Jake. You donât have to be strong all the time.âÂ
Jake looks down at her hand. Without thinking, he holds her hand and bring it close to his face.Â
Yunjin was stunned at the sudden gesture. She could feel his breath against her skin. Oh, how she missed it. She missed Jake so much. She missed being loved by him. She missed loving him as well. If only he knows that she would do anything to have him back.Â
âI thought you donât like tattoo.âÂ
Jakeâs remarks pull Yunjin out from her daydream. Her eyes then fall onto her inner forefinger where she planted her tattoo. Her lips curl into a soft smile.Â
âI got it after we broke up. I was devastated so I did it.âÂ
Jake nods his head and flashes her a smile before his eyes fall back onto the tattoo.Â
Both of them stay in silent, with Jake still gazing at her tattoo. She thought that it was cute how Jake never seems to take his eyes from it. Not to mention her pride when he notices the small details about her â just like when they used to be together before.Â
Before Yunjin could stop herself, she confessed to Jake.Â
âI miss you, Jake. I always have.âÂ
âÂ
It was raining heavily outside. Today, marks the third day of Jake not coming back home. Youâve tried to reach him, but it seems like he has blocked you.Â
You asked Jay and Sunghoon about Jake, yet the only thing that they could say was to give him space and time. Speaking of loyal friends, huh.Â
You miss Jake a lot. You miss Jake so much to the point that you still cooked for him, even though the chance of him coming back home to you is thin. Aside from meeting Sunoo, you didnât go anywhere else.Â
You only wait for Jake, day and night, without fail. You didnât bother to sleep in the bedroom anymore. You just stay in the living room, wanting to greet him whenever he chooses to come back home.Â
Turns out, your effort does not go in vain.Â
As the clock strikes 12 midnight, Jake opens the door and enter the house. He takes off his shoes and put it in the cupboard.Â
âWelcome home, Jake.âÂ
He didnât say anything. Instead, he chooses to ignore you and walk up the stairs. You stand up from the couch and call his name, stopping him on his track.Â
âWhere were you?âÂ
He stays silence.Â
âHave you eaten?âÂ
Again, nothing.Â
âDid you meet Yunjin-âÂ
âItâs none of your business.âÂ
You look at Jake, whose back is facing you before letting out a scoff. Of course, he will only talk to you if you mention her name. The name that he canât seem to let go. The name that used to be his sweetheart for four years.Â
Betrayal and hurt dominates your heart. The softness in you is now gone. You did not just wait in the house, waiting for him to come just to find out that heâs out there with his ex-girlfriend.Â
âI knew it. You canât forget about her, right? After all these years, sheâs still the one in your mind.âÂ
Your eyes slowly tear up.Â
âIâm just the replacement. A woman you used to climb up to your title.âÂ
Thatâs not it.Â
âA woman that you can use as your trophy.âÂ
Thatâs not true.Â
âA woman that you will throw away once youâre done using her to fulfil your needs-âÂ
âEnough!âÂ
You gasp at the sudden scream from Jake. The head that were facing the opposite side is now looking straight at you. His hands form into fist, with his thumbs hiding against his palms. His lips tremble from the anger that build up in him.Â
It was wrong. It was all wrong. Whatever you said about yourself, it was wrong. Jake has never seen you as trophy. He never wants to take advantage of your kindness. He loved you with all his heart and soul.Â
The worst part is, he still does.Â
âJakeâŠâÂ
Jakeâs face softens at the sound of your voice calling his name for the second time tonight. He missed it. He missed you. A lot. He wants to be with you again like how it used to be. He wants to get pampered by you. He wants to give you all the loves and affections that you deserve.Â
But he canât because he promised himself he will end it tomorrow.Â
âDo you still love her?âÂ
His breath hitched at your question. His eyes move to look at you, just to see that your eyes are red from all the crying that you did for the past few days. The thought of you crying for him while he wasnât around makes him sick.Â
He canât help but blame himself for putting you in such situation. You didnât deserve all of these. You deserve to be with a man that can make you happy and showers you with all the things the world could offer.Â
Not with a guy like him who will only make you sad and cry all the time. You shouldnât be here. He didnât deserve you at all.Â
Without any words, Jake turns his head back to the stairs. He continues to walk up the stairs and into the bedroom, leaving you standing in the living room with tears falling down your cheeks.Â
As soon as you hear the door closes, you fall on your knees to the floor. Youâre tired. Youâve reached your limit. You donât think you can keep up with this any longer.Â
Jake doesnât care about you anymore. Youâve been worried sick about him. He didnât come back home. He didnât go to office either. Sunghoon and Jay also said that they didnât know where he is.Â
But he doesnât care. After all these times, the only thing that he spoke to you was in the form of anger.Â
You feel pity for yourself. Youâre worthless. You can feel your body slowly fall on the ground, and you just let it happen. Â
Right at that moment, your eyes fall upon the ring at your hand. The sparkles are still there, as if itâs still new.Â
Will it still look the same if it was on her hand, or will it look better?Â
As your eyes close for the night, you thought to yourself, I will end it tomorrow.Â
It will end tomorrow.Â
âÂ
âDid I make you wait too long?âÂ
Yunjin was drinking from her cup before you appear in front of her. She put down her drink and shakes her head with a smile on her face.Â
âNo, I donât mind. I understand you must have business to attend to.âÂ
Despite looking all innocent, you can sense the sarcasm behind her voice. Your eyebrows lift slightly in amusement.Â
Huh, so this is the real Yunjin.Â
You sit across Yunjin as she picks up her cup and drink from it again.Â
âSo, what do you want to talk about?âÂ
You pursue your lips at her. You think to yourself to decide the method that you want to go for.Â
After a few seconds, your hands move to unzip your bag to take out a picture of âyouâ and the unknown man. Without hesitation, you place the picture on the table and slide it to her.Â
âI will cut to the chaste. That woman⊠itâs you. Am I right?âÂ
Yunjin takes the picture in her hand before letting out a historical laugh, enough to get everyoneâs attention.Â
Humiliation. That is how Yunjin wants to play.Â
âAre you blind? Itâs your face in the picture. Not mine.âÂ
You can hear people starts murmuring about the scene that is about to unfold in front of them. But you pay them no attention. You are determined to end everything today. Right here, right now.Â
âThe face does belong to me. But not the body.âÂ
Yunjinâs eyes twitch at your counter. You tilt your head to the side, studying her reaction.Â
âLook at it properly. That tattoo on the inner side of the finger; it matches yours, right?âÂ
Her face fell when you mention about it. Yunjin bring the picture closer to her and scan the picture. Thatâs when she saw the tattoo.Â
How could she forget to remove it before printing it? How could she be so careless? The fact that you even know the tattoo belongs to her⊠How can it be possible? Youâve only met her twice. Thatâs not enough for anyone to actually notice something as small as this.Â
âIâve always been good in observing people. It doesnât take me long to notice your tattoo considering that itâs on the same hand that you shook mine with back at the gala night.âÂ
Yunjin feels like a huge rock has hit her head. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!Â
The whispers around you increase more and more as time passed by.Â
IÂ canât believe someone as beautiful as her can be so ugly deep inside.Â
So pathetic. Slept with a guy and blame others for it.Â
Sheâs nothing but a whore.Â
Yunjinâs lips tremble at the words thrown to her. This is not how she planned it to be. She wants to humiliate you, but it went to her instead. It doesnât make sense. If only you didnât marry Jake, none of this would happen and she would still be with him by his side.Â
She is supposed to hold the title of Mrs. Sim. She is much more worthy as his wife. But it all went down because of you.Â
However, she didnât plan to give up. At least not today.Â
Yunjin gathers her composure before leaning her back against her chair.Â
âYou couldâve purposely placed the tattoo in the picture. Isnât it easier that way?âÂ
With only those sentence, the peopleâs opinion suddenly changed.Â
Why canât she leave the woman alone?Â
She must be hungry for attention. Thatâs why she purposely blames the other woman.Â
A woman who betrays its own kind should not be labelled as a woman at all.Â
The corner of Yunjinâs lips curl up into a smirk. People are easily manipulated. All you need to do is to say a few things and they will instantly believe you whether itâs real or fake.Â
She has won. The victory is hers.Â
Unfortunately for her, the success doesnât last long. You knew she would say that which is why youâve been keeping another strong evidence to prove that itâs not you in the picture.Â
As you reach inside your bag, you felt a hand on your shoulder. You look up at the owner of the hand. Your eyes widened at the sight of Jake.Â
You didnât expect him to be here - so does Yunjin. He is not supposed to know youâre here. What is he even doing here? Did he make another appointment with Yunjin?Â
âYou want another proof that itâs not her? Here, I bring the real guy from the picture.âÂ
Jake said to Yunjin before moving to the side slightly, revealing a man named K standing behind him. Her eyes instantly widened at the sight of him. The exact same guy that she paid to frame you. The exact same guy that she slept with, just for the sake of destroying your marriage with Jake.Â
Yunjin shakes his head to herself.Â
âNo. I don't know this guy. I didnât do anything.âÂ
âYou slept with me, and you said you didnât do it? Did you forgot that I also have the original picture?âÂ
Yunjinâs eyes move to K, and she stood up from the chair.Â
âI paid you to keep quiet!âÂ
K scoffs at her.Â
âNo. You paid me to sleep with you. Thatâs it.âÂ
Yunjin bites her lips before letting out a frustrated groan. She turns to Jake and tries to grab his hands, but Jake avoided her advanced towards him.Â
âJake, I have a reason. I did all of this for you. I love you, Jake. I love you so much.âÂ
You donât like the view in front of you. As a woman, you feel pitiful towards Yunjin. One would never think a beauty such as herself would go low just for the sake of love. Refusing to witness how pathetic Yunjin is, you hug yourself and look to your side.Â
Jake on the other hand can read your body language. He knows you want to run away from the commotion. As your husband, he wants nothing more than fulfilling your wish and needs. So, he must end it now.Â
âDo you know why I broke up with you, Yunjin?âÂ
Jakeâs question makes Yunjin frown in confusion. Jake clears his throat, and his lips form a straight line.Â
âThat day, I just got back from studying. When I walked into our room, I saw you sleeping soundly, with another guy next to you. I donât need to know that you both are naked under the blanket considering that clothes were scattered on the floor. You claimed that you love me, but you still had the guts to cheat on me. Thatâs why I broke up with you...âÂ
Jake turns to look at you for a few seconds before facing Yunjin once again.Â
â... Thatâs why I will never ever be with you.âÂ
At that, Jake pulls you up and circles his arm around your waist, before bringing you out of the place, leaving Yunjin faced the humiliation that she created.Â
âÂ
As soon as you enter the house, Jake closes the door behind you and bring you to sit down in the living room. He then excuses himself to the kitchen to get two glasses of water. He brings the waters to the living room and put it on the table before sitting down next to you.Â
Both of you stay in silence for a while. You puff your cheeks before grabbing the glass and drink the water.Â
âHow did you know I was there?âÂ
Jake clears his throat. Now, itâs his turn to drink the water before answering your question.Â
âI... followed you?âÂ
You turn to face Jake, blinking your eyes at his words.Â
âReally? You followed me? Since when?âÂ
Jake rubs the back of his neck and flashes you a sheepish smile.Â
âWell, that day when I stormed off from office, I came back later that night. When I wanted to throw away the pictures, I felt something was off. Thatâs when I realized that the face does resembles you, but not totally you. Not to mention the hint of tattoo on the finger...âÂ
His hands move to hold your hand gently. He brings up your hand to his face before smiling to himself.Â
â...Iâve kissed this same hand countless times to know that youâve never had tattoo, my love.âÂ
All emotions come at you at the same time when he called you, my love. Tears brimming at your eyes as you suddenly recalled those nights without Jake in your arms. The way he raised his voice for the first time at you are still fresh in your mind, considering it just happened yesterday.Â
âYou hurt me, Jake. You hurt me so much.âÂ
Jake looks at your teary eyes before leaning his forehead against yours, making you burst into tears as soon as it touches. He had always known that you are a soft person, and you prove him right.Â
He knows that he has hurt you so bad. Although it was only a few days, the pain in your heart will still need time to heal. He wonât blame you for hating him or anything. He deserves it.Â
âI know baby, I know. I left you alone, crying to yourself for days. I am a bad husband, and I am sorry for the way I behave. I shouldâve believed you because you are my wife. My wife will never cheat on me, and I should know better.âÂ
You just nod your head, agreeing to his words as tears still flowing down your cheeks.Â
Jakeâs hands move up to caress your arms to your shoulder and up to your face. His thumbs wipe away your tears, even though a lot are still threatening to fall.Â
âPlease, forgive me. You can take as much time as you need, but please, donât leave me, y/n. I want no one but you to be my wife. You are the only one for me. No one can change that.âÂ
You open your eyes to look at Jake, just to find out that he is quietly sobbing. You canât believe that there will be a day where Jake would cry in front of you. It just shows that he truly cares for you and whatever he said earlier is nothing but the truth.Â
Although a part of you is still upset with him, you canât deny that your heart yearns to love and be loved by him. Just like him, you canât imagine any other man as your lover, let alone your husband. You want him, and only him.Â
Your hand reaches up to cup his face, his eyes are now looking into yours. You could feel his breath against your skin, and thatâs enough to tell you that heâs in front of you.Â
Without wasting time, you lean to Jake, pressing your lips against his, in which he responds with open heart. Both of you could taste each otherâs tears, but you donât care.Â
You and Jake have been spending time away from each other for too long ever since you got married to him. All the pent-up emotion and frustration can be felt with the way you and Jake canât seem to let go of one another.Â
Suddenly, everything feels right all over again. The pieces that were scattered are now together once again. Your life had always been normal. But somehow, being together with Jake makes your life more colourful than it already is.Â
Deep in the heart, you and Jake promise to not leave one another anymore for both of you canât live without each other. Jake needs you as much as you need Jake. No one in the world can ever change that.Â
As you are lost in Jakeâs arms, you thank the universe for shaping you into Jakeâs one and only, Mrs. Sim, forever.Â
#enhypen#enhypen imagines#enhypen scenarios#jake#jake imagines#jake romance#jake scenarios#enhypen romance#enhypen jake sim#sim jake#jake sim
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never ending night
bruce wayne x femwife!reader
word count: 1.7k | divider by @saradika | requests are open!
CW: pregnancy, pure fluff NOTES: hello hi iâm ailĂs and iâve been meaning to start a blog where i can post some one shots that iâve been thinking of as a way to motivate myself to finally write down my ideas so this is it. iâll be double posting my stuff on ao3 (which you can find in my bio) and will eventually make a masterlist as well as a navigation post with a list of fandoms/characters i write for. also, english isnât my first language.
It was close to three in the morning when Bruce finally joined you in bed after a long night of patrolling and fighting bottom of the barrel criminals all night. He showered in the bathroom on the first floor of the manor to avoid making too much noise and waking you up, but when he finally walked in your shared bedroom, you were already awake, sitting up against the headboard.
âDarling, what are you doing still up?â Bruce asked you as he reached his side of the bed.
The room was dark par for the moonlight filtering through the gap between the curtains, meaning your husband had yet to notice the state you were in.
âDick had a nightmare,â you answered, voice barely above a whisper due to how tired you were. âIt took me two hours to get him to fall back asleep and when I finally came back here, this little one started kickboxing me and keeping me awake for another hour,â you continued rubbing your round belly in hopes of soothing your baby to finally catch some sleep.
âIâm sorry I wasn't here to help,â Bruce apologised, planting a kiss on your temple as he held you close to his body.
âItâs alright, Gotham needs you,â you dismissed, not at all angry.
âStill, youâre six months pregnant. Youâre growing our child inside your body, you need all the rest you can get,â he softly argued. âI would've come home earlier but all the amateur criminals came out tonight.â
âBruce, itâs fine,â you brought your hand up to his cheek and he leaned his head into your touch. âYouâve already been cutting your patrols shorter since we found out about the baby. As long as you keep coming back home to us, alive, then Iâm not mad.â
Not knowing what to say â his gratefulness for having someone so accepting of his duty as Batman was almost overwhelming, even after all those years â Bruce kissed your palm while staring at you with the same look full of love that he has been sporting since the first time he met you six years ago.
âHowâd I get so lucky to fall in love with the most understanding and selfless person I know?â He asked while grabbing your hand on his cheek, wrapping his fingers around yours and squeezing them gently.
âNow thatâs a lie,â you rebutted, a loving smile on your lips, lowering your joined hands on the bed. âYouâre more selfless than I am. Youâre the most selfless man in the world.â
âLetâs not start this never ending argument again,â Bruce chuckled, now his turn to hold your face as he brought you in for a kiss.
You happily sighed against his lips, the feeling of home that overtook you every time you tasted them was a nice welcome in this interminable night. But the kiss was cut short as you felt your baby kick again and you let your head fall back as you groaned.
âSheâs still kicking?â Bruce asked you, he couldn't see the movements under your skin due to the darkness of the room and your hand on your belly.
âWe don't know it's a she,â you reminded him instead of answering. You had both decided to wait until the birth to know the gender.
âAnd Iâm telling you, I know it's a girl,â your husband repeated for what could be the hundredth time.
You also secretly hoped it was a girl, but Dick really wanted a little brother. Bruce and you were still in the process of warming him up to the idea of a little sister and it was slowly starting to work.
âAs long as she doesn't come in my room,â your eight year old son had said last week, with his arms crossed over his chest and a pout on his lips.
âI doubt sheâll be doing that for the first few years, chum,â Bruce reassured him, fighting off a slightly amused grin.
âAnd the baby will have its own room with its own toys,â you added.
âWill I still be able to play with the baby?â Dick asked after a moment, uncrossing his arms and a hopeful look filling up his blue eyes.
âOf course you will, bubs,â you said, your fingers threading through his black hair that fell over his forehead.
âBut only with her toys at first, some of yours are not suited for a baby,â Bruce pointed out, ever the overprotective father.
Bruce had lowered himself down under the blanket so he could be laying head levelled with your belly, his hand now replacing yours over the bump.
âHey trouble,â he whispered to your child and the baby kicked again, making him smile lovingly at the movement he felt under his hand. âYou shouldn't be awake this late at night, you know.â
âYou're one to talk,â you commented, tone almost reprimanding.
âShe doesn't know that,â Bruce looked up at you as he defended himself before his gaze fell back on your belly. âMommy is really tired,â he continued talking to your baby, his hand now rubbing soothingly over your round stomach, âand she needs her rest to do all the work so you can come out all healthy and beautiful. Well, you're definitely gonna be the most beautiful baby if you end up looking like your mother, but that's not the point.â
You smiled at the cheesy comment and your fingers found their place in Bruceâs hair, brushing through it and nails occasionally scratching his scalp.
âYour brother Dick can't wait for you to come around,â he carried on. âSaid he will teach you all sorts of acrobatic tricks once you know how to walk. And he asked Alfred if he could help paint the nursery when we finally decide on a colour.â
âAnd I keep telling you we should do soft green,â you argued.
âIâm not changing my mind from primrose pink,â he told you with a sly grin.
âThe room wonât be pink, even if itâs a girl. And thatâs final,â you firmly said. Your husband will not be winning this one argument, no sir.
Bruce sighed, rolling his eyes before focusing back on your belly. âI hope youâre not as stubborn as your mother,â he whispered to the baby, as if he was having a private conversation with them and that you werenât there. âDonât get me wrong, itâs one of the many reasons why I fell in love with her, but I wonât be able to say no to you even when I have to, so it would save me a lot of reprimanding from Mommy if youâre not as tenacious as her.â
You smiled to yourself as you continued listening to your husband talk to your unborn child as you threaded your fingers through his hair, enjoying the softness it had after a shower. Bruce usually gelled his hair to appear more professional when he was working in the day, and then it would get all mixed up with his sweat under his cowl when he was working as Batman. When he would come back to you after the day was over, you would refuse to touch his hair until he had showered, the texture of the gel and sweat too gross on your fingers for you to ignore.
As Bruce continued talking to your baby, his voice started lulling the two of you to sleep. The baby hadnât kicked in over almost ten minutes now, and the peace you had waited for so long to arrive made you aware of how heavy your eyelids were. You slowly lowered yourself down the bed, getting in a comfortable position with Bruceâs help where you could finally lay your head on your pillow and it didnât take long for sleep to catch up on you.
At the sound of your soft, barely audible snores, Bruce turned his head away from your bump to find you asleep with your free hand raised next to your head on your pillow, the other one still tangled in his hair.
He planted a soft kiss on the exposed skin of your belly, eyes closed as he took a moment to absorb the fact that a baby that was half you and half him would be joining your world in a little more than three months. Bruce wasn't known to cry, the only time you ever saw him cry was as you walked down the aisle at your wedding, but tonight, a lonesome tear rolled down his cheek and fell on your stomach, where your child was growing, because Bruce never believed he would ever get to experience again the amount of love he hadn't felt since he was eight years old.
As he observed you, sleeping soundly with his child coming to life inside you, after you comforted Dick back to sleep, Bruce, for a moment, felt overwhelmed by all the love in his life. When he became Batman, he crossed out the idea of ever having a family (other than Alfred), of settling down with someone he loved and who loved him back.
But somehow, the universe put you on his path, as a miracle or a guardian angel or simply as an anchor to life outside of Batman, he didn't know. You walked into his home, into his life, to remind him that he, Bruce Wayne, was also deserving of love, of family, of happiness. Then Dick came along, rather unexpectedly but still no less welcomed, and Bruce started entertaining the idea of having children with you. He definitely wasn't opposed to it, but it wasn't something he wanted to jump right into, especially with Dick having just entered your lives. You were both young, he in his early thirties and you in your late twenties, you could allow yourselves a couple of years just the three of you (four with Alfred) before expanding the family.
So it was rather shocking when two months after you and Bruce had officially adopted Dick that you found out you were pregnant. It both took you by surprise but after talking through it together, you couldn't be happier. And the two of you haven't stopped being happy about this new little addition ever since.
Bruce rose up from his position next to your belly, your limp hand fell from his head as he did so, and he laid on the bed next to you. He delicately kissed your forehead, then your nose before falling back on his pillow and whispered âI love youâ as he curled around your body, his hand resting on your belly as he fell asleep.
#ailis writes#requests are open#bruce wayne x reader#bruce wayne#bruce wayne x fem!reader#bruce wayne x wife!reader#bruce wayne x you#batman#batman x reader#batman x fem!reader#batman x wife!reader#batman comics#christian bale batman#battinson#bruce wayne fic#bruce wayne imagine#bruce wayne x y/n#bruce wayne fanfiction#bruce wayne fluff#batman x y/n#batman imagine#batman fic#batman fanfiction#batman fluff#batmom#reader insert#x reader#fem reader
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ex-conomics | csc
you supported seungcheol through years of being an aspiring athlete, and all you got to show for it was your undergraduate degree and an awkward, stuttered apology when he dumped you to go semi-pro. now heâs back after an injury derailed his career, and thereâs only one problem: youâre the only one available to tutor him. you - 0; the universe - 1. talk about no return on investment.
✠pairing: choi seungcheol x f. reader ✠genre: exes to (lite) enemies to lovers; university au; angst, fluff ✠rating: while there is nothing explicit in this fic, there are two brief references to smut. while i can't stop anyone from reading this, i would prefer minors do not interact with this or any of my work. ✠warnings: cheol is some degree of famous, reader is a grad student/TA, mentions of an injury and coping with the aftermath of it, lots of economics talk that even i do not understand, swearing, one mention of alcohol, some misplaced jealousy, rom-com tropes, dino is kind of a loser but we love him anyway. probably a lot of other things i missed, but this is actually pretty tame for a fic of this length. ✠word count: 13.4k ✠thank you: a lot of people looked this over for me in the process and i'm sure i will forget some of them so if i do i'm sorry: @the-boy-meets-evil, @hot-soop, @highvern, and @haologram, who also gave me some wonderful ideas for the vlogs. thank you to MIT for opencourseware existing. i took microeconomics and dropped it, so i couldn't have done this without you. everyone in the discord server for helping me along the way and keeping me motivated. ✠author's note: i haven't posted a fic in nearly seven months, so i think it goes without saying that there are parts of this i like and a lot more i'm not 100% happy with. i'd love if this was more fleshed out and 10k longer, but i was able to write anything at all so it's good enough. this was written for the back to school with seventeen collab, hosted by @camandemstudios. thank you both for letting me participate! please make sure to check out the rest of the stories! everyone worked so hard and this collab was a ton of fun to participate in. <3
You look down at the paper. Back up at who handed it to you. Down at the paper again.
âYouâve got to be joking.â
The poor freshman kid laughs, all nerves, and even though the sound is grating, you remember what itâs like to be forced into work study. How far away graduate school seemed; how large your professors loomed over you with all their power and knowledge and credentials; how you constantly felt like the dumbest person in nearly every room you walked into for four straight years.
âUmââ
You sigh, just barely resisting the urge to slam your head onto your desk. âIâitâs fine, donât worry about it.â Your words do little to ease Freshmanâs nerves. Heâs still hunched over in the doorway of your office, wringing his hands as he shifts his weight back and forth, in for a lifetime of body pain with the way heâs squaring his shoulders. âYouâre sure about this, though? Like, Iâm really not being set up?â
âI donât think so?â he offers, slowly starting to turn green right before your eyes. âDr. Lee ga-gave me the paperwork himself, I donât think he wouldâve messed it up? Oh no, did I mess it up? Should I go back to Student Services and confââ
Good god, this kidâs anxiety is gonna stink up your office for weeks. âNo need!â you interject. âIâll justâŠâ Sign it, you want to say, but the longer you stare at the sheet of paper the quicker youâre losing your resolve.
TUTORING REQUEST FORM Student Name: Choi Seungcheol Degree: Undergraduate Major: Business Course: ECON04101 Introduction to Microeconomics Instructor: Lee Yeonseok, PhD. Recommended Tutoring: High (3-4 hours per week)
You curse under your breath. Of the two names on the paper, Dr. Leeâs does not come as a surprise. Heâs a notorious hard-ass with an infamous attrition rateâmost students donât last more than a week in any of his classesâbut heâs also the sole reason you were able to pay for someof your grad school tuition out of pocket with all the tutoring money you made.
That, however, was two years ago.
âDoes he know I donât tutor anymore?â Stupid question. The kid stares blankly back at you, as if to say I donât know any more than the people in Student Services, let alone Dr. Lee. It is literally my first year here. âIâm Dr. Ahnâs TA this year. Iâve got my hands full with her bullsh⊠stuffââ
Immediately, you know youâve said something wrong, because the kidâs eyes light up, all that previous anxiety disappearing like smoke. âWait, the same Dr. Ahn that teaches the crypto course?â
âNo, that one died,â you say quickly. Kid deflates. âAnyway, I donât really tutor anymore, especially for econ. As you can seeââyou gesture vaguely around the cramped four walls of your officeââtheyâve upgraded me. They even put my name on a little placard by the door! Go look! They spelled it wrong! If that doesnât sum up this university I donât know what does.â
You heave another sigh. Try to school your face and tone into something that exudes professionalism and finality. âLook, Iâm sorry I canât help you. I tutored Dr. Leeâs students for, like, three years in undergrad so Iâm sure they just⊠forgot that wasnât my actual job here. Whoâs in charge of tutoring these days? Iâll shoot them an email and explain all this.â
Freshman gives you a name, and it takes less than a second to find them in the employee directory. You expect that to be the end of it, but heâs still taking up space in your doorway. You quirk an eyebrow. âYes?â
The hand-wringing returns, along with an embarrassed flush that disappears beneath the neckline of his school-branded sweatshirt. âI justâum. Maybe you could, uh. Send that now? Before I get back there?â
You blink. âDonât you have to go all the way back across campus? How slow do you think I type?â He shrugs, and you give up on the idea of getting rid of him. âFine. Whatâs your name, anyway?â
âLee Chan. Iâm a sophomore. Do you know that guy?â
âOh. I thought for sure you were a freshman, but youâre gonna need to be more specific, Lee Chan, Sophomore.â
âThe guy they want you to tutor.â You freeze. The guy they want you to tutor isââChoi Seungcheol,â Chan tacks on, and, yeah, you knowâknew, you correct yourselfâsomeone with that name, once upon a time.
But there are a lot of Chois and a lot of Seungcheols. Itâs been years since youâve spoken to the Seungcheol you knew, and that was when heâd broken up with you toââI heard heâs a football player? Well, used to be, I guess. The girls in the office were freaking out so I guess heâs pretty famous, but I donât know anything about sports, do you? They said they have photocards of him. I thought they only did that for idols.â
You think about being kids together in Daegu. Think about the exasperated looks youâd share when your parents would drag the two of you to festivals: Palgongsan in the autumn, Biseulsan in the spring; transformation and rebirth. Think about being eight years old and watching your father cram into the small space of the Choisâ living room, standing around the TV with Seungcheolâs dad, shouting at Park Jonghwan. Daegu FC made the FA Cup quarterfinals that year, and you think, of everything, thatâs what youâll remember for the rest of your life.
You think about falling in love slowly. Sixteen and clueless, the pair of you were. Didnât really know any different, just that youâd look at him and feel butterflies. That youâd hold hands in secret. Text beneath the dinner table. That youâd watch him on the football pitch and be consumed by pride. That the future felt impossibly far away, that life would never catch up to the two of you.
You think about all the football jargon you didnât understandâthe academies, the teams, the implications. You think about, Iâm thinking about trying out for the FC Seoul U-18, I just donât think thereâs much more I can do here in Daegu. You think about replying, Oh, I applied to university there.
You remember thinking it mustâve been fate, how easy that had worked out. How easy that first hurdle had been overcome.
You think about how fast everything happened. The try-out, the acceptance, the explosion. Remember being unable to go anywhere those first few months without seeing Seungcheolâs face, touted as the next big thing. Think about applying for scholarships when he was applying for international visas. Think about studying for midterms when Seungcheol was studying English for interviews.
You think about the last few weeks of your relationship, when it felt like you were desperately trying to cling to ghosts. Think about how Seoul had once felt endlessly big, both in opportunity and size, and how it now felt suffocating. You think about, So youâre just giving up? Is that what youâre saying? Think about, I donât know what else to do. It doesnât feel fair to you.
You think about all the places youâve watched him. On countless football pitches; shy glances in school hallways; in the passenger seat, wracked with nerves on the drive to Seoul; poised above you in bed, hairline dotted with sweat as he rolled his hips, telling you how much he loved you.
You think about watching him walk out the door, and how you never watched him again.
So you fire off your email, concise and to the point about why you canât tutor Choi Seungcheol in Introduction to Microeconomics, and turn to Lee Chan, Sophomore.
âNo,â you finally answer. âNever heard of him.â
For all intents and purposes, your rejection shouldâve been the end of it.
A few days go by. You hold office hours, attend lectures, work on your thesis when you have both the time and the energy. Try to ignore the feeling of bees beneath your skin, anxiety needling each time you check your email. You were well within your right to decline the tutoring request, but you canât help but feel like youâve done something wrong. That someone somehow knows who Seungcheol was to you and will pull you up on it. That those girls whoâd gushed about him to Chan are somewhere laughing at your expense.
But you donât hear anything at all about it⊠until you do.
Sunday evening. You havenât moved from your couch in hours, some variety show playing in the background, barely audible over your keyboard clacking. Much to your detriment, you donât write many papers these days, so youâre out of practice. Feels like you havenât done anything besides formulas in years, all of your academic knowledge reduced to fucking math, so youâre about ready to toss your laptop out the window long before the email even comes through.
You see, From: Lee Yeonseok. You see, Subject: Choi Seungcheol - Tutoring.
Your stomach plummets to the floor.
You scan the body quickly. You see the words personal favor⊠friend of his father⊠urgent matter⊠and your hands start shaking. Whether itâs from the sheer audacity of this man or anxiety, you arenât sure, but itâs not like it matters. There arenât a whole lot of people on campus brave or dumb enough to go up against him twice.
âMotherfucker,â you spit, bitter the only taste in your mouth.
Where did you go wrong to wind up here? Youâd followed the script: got the grades, passed the exams, received half of the required education for the Respectable Career, helped a few others along the way chase dreams that may or may not have been their own. Youâd fallen in love. Only had a broken heart to show for it, but thatâd been in the script, too: The First Love, followed by The First Heartbreak.
The split from Seungcheol was supposed to have been the end of that chapter. Youâd planned on never seeing him again, and you never would have, had it been up to you. Apparently the universe has other plans, participation required.
âDid you spill onion dip on the rug again?â You startle, sending your laptop flying. Kaori, your roommate, is perched halfway in between the living room and the kitchen like a cryptid, clearly not expecting your reaction. âOh. Were you watching porn?â
Face burning, you fetch your laptop from the floor. âIn a common area? Kaori, please, I have far more decorum than that.â
She snorts, resuming her trek to the fridge. âSee, thatâs what I thought, but then I walked out here and you threw your laptop so fast it was like watching my ex get caught watching furry porn all over again.â She pries the lid off a large container of yogurt. âYou think this is still good?â
âDunno. Whatâs it smell like?â
She sniffs it and pulls it back to check the label. âVanilla, I think, which is concerning because itâs supposed to be strawberry.â
You shrug. âWhatâs the worst that can happen, you get extraââyou pause, trying to remember the correct order of things, before giving up entirelyââ...biotics?â
âMm, so close. Care if I just eat this with a spoon?â
Nose scrunched, you wave her off. âCouldnât pay me to eat yogurt on a good day, let alone if itâs expired. All yours, babe.â
Spoon in hand and a pleased smile on her face, Kaori collapses onto the couch beside you. You try to return your attention to your paper, try to find your momentum again, and it works for all of ten minutes before youâre groaning and slamming the top closed.
You donât even need to look over to know Kaoriâs staring. âWhatâs up with you?â she asks. Before she can answer: âWait, is this serious? Because I canât have a serious conversation in this t-shirt.â You steal a glance sideways. Ask Me About My Hemorrhoid! it says, and you exhale loudly. âDonât breathe at me, I lost a bet.â
âAnd continued wearing it?â
She jokingly rolls her eyes. âGod forbid a girl has hobbies.â Nudges you with her foot. âCâmon, spill.â
Kaori doesnât know about you and Seungcheol. Most people donât, aside from a few old classmates from Daegu who found you on social media and tried befriending you once he started making a name for himself in Seoul. After that, it was just easier to keep things private while you were together. New friends knew you were seeing someone but not their name or how long youâd been together. Any curiosity surrounding why the Choi Seungcheol was following you on Insta had been waved away easily. Our parents are friends, we grew up together. Then you broke up, and there wasnât any evidence to delete, and he wasnât following you on Instagram anymore, and it was easier that way.
So, yeahâeven though you hadnât met her until years later, Kaori knows you have an ex. She knows youâve had a few flings and situationships in the time since, too, and itâs why sheâs none the wiser when you ask, âItâs nothing, really. Justâdo you follow football at all?â
âNah, not really. The new guyâs pretty into it and keeps trying to get me to watch the games with him, but itâs so fucking boring? I dunno, I canât get into it. Not in real life, anywayâI binged all of Captain Tsubasa in an embarrassingly short amount of time, though. Why?â
âStudent Services asked me to tutor someone the other day and I had to turn it down. I just donât have the time, you know? This semesterâs already killer, and Dr. Ahnâs been riding my ass nonstop about grades. Turns out itâs some football player, so Dr. Lee emailed me asking me to do it as a personal favor, which means, on top of all the other shit I have to do, Iâm now tutoring some football player four hours a week in Microeconomics.â
Her face distorts. âGod, that guyâs such a prick. Like wow, youâre good at the economy! Good for you! Who cares! Why donât you go balance the national debt or something instead of torturing university freshmen!â
You also wrongly assume thatâs the last youâll hear of it from Kaori.
Two days later, after Student Services replies to your email with the days and times youâll be tutoring Seungcheol, she materializes in the living room to harass you.
âYou didnât tell me your football player was Choi Seungcheol.â
The panic is instant. You know how she means it, but itâs not how your body interprets it. All of a sudden it feels like an interrogation, an accusation, and a whopping serving of guilt takes up residence in the middle of your chest for not being entirely honest.
âExplains this weird text Ken sent me.â
She slides her phone over to you, open to her text thread with her current flavor of the week. Beneath an article about Seungcheol enrolling in classes at your school:
doesnât ur roomie TA there Why are you calling her âur roomieâ like you donât know her name?? Rude. Also yes. ask her to get me an autograph No babe pls he was my fav player before he got injured No đ fine. can i come over later? Starting to think youâre using me for my roommate. Get your own job đ
You hand her phone back. âI didnât think youâd know who Choi Seungcheol even is.â Itâs the best you can do, even though it just digs you a deeper grave. âYou said youâre not into football.â
âIâm not, but unfortunately I am into that stupid man.â She sighs, wistful and longing. âBabe, you have to understand. His dick is so big.â
You hadnât wanted to stay in Seoul for your graduate degree, let alone the same university youâd gone to for undergrad.
Youâd applied to schools all overâJapan, Europe, even a few in the States. Romanticized the hell out of NYU, went window shopping for an overpriced apartment, picked a favorite pizzeria based on nothing but vibes and online reviews. In those few months after graduation, there wasnât a whole lot tying you to Seoul. Your and Seungcheolâs relationship had been old history by then, your parents split. Your dad stayed in your childhood home and your mother moved a few hours closer to her sister. Theyâd waited until your brother was old enough to be out of the house.
And itâd just been⊠a lot. Overwhelming. Some days you could barely shower or feed yourself, let alone move halfway across the world, so youâd stayed in the familiar and tried not to let it feel like failure.
But the good thing about familiarity is you learn its tricks, figure out the hiding spots. Early on, your first or second week of grad school, you laid claim to a study room on a floor of the library everyone else ignored. You write notes on the whiteboard with faded blue markers that are still there days later. The chair on the opposite side of the table is always exactly where you left it, the space between it and the table enough to only accommodate you. Sometimes you leave booksâold paperbacks littered with notes in your writingâor papers, just to see if they move.
They never do.
And all of this is why it feels like a punch to the gut when that sanctity is tainted. When youâre halfway through a stack of Dr. Ahnâs exams and the doorknob rattles behind you. When you donât even need to turn around to know who it is, because he still sounds the same, still has that overwhelming presence. Youâve always sensed him before you felt him.
âThere you are,â Dr. Lee says, ambling into the room before you can protest. He, too, is overwhelming, just in different ways. Immaculate posture that anchors his slight frame thatâs always dressed impeccably and expensively. Wears a watch thatâs triple your tuition. Shoes polished so bright theyâre nearly blinding. âIâve been looking all over for you.â
This time it is an accusation.
Well, you found me, you want to say, but just knowing Seungcheol is behind him, lingering in that half-study room, half-hallway space, is enough to keep you quiet. Like if you speak youâll summon him closer and youâll no longer be able to pretend this is nothing more than a nightmare.
You plaster on a polite smile. Say, âAh, here I am, kyosu-nim,â and put all your energy into trying to glue Seungcheol to the floor with your mind.
Which is fruitless, because Dr. Lee moves further into the room. Gestures for Seungcheol to follow him with an impatient huff, and the study room is small, sure, and with three people it feels cramped, but thatâs not the reason it feels like all the airâs been sucked out of the room.
Seungcheol looks⊠different. He looks as anxious as you feel, and he sticks close to the wall like heâs trying to disappear. Dr. Lee introduces him with grave importance, unaware of your history, and the forced smile he offers you almost looks embarrassed.
You know Dr. Lee is still hammering away, probably giving you a stern talking-to for rejecting his request the first time, but you canât tear your eyes away from Seungcheol. Feels like the world around you has reduced to a pinhead, all hyperfocus; feels like your lungs are sucking in stale air one at a time.
â...his father is a very good friend of mine, so I expectâŠâ
You expected to feel nothing. Seungcheol had left to chase his dreamâone youâd always been so supportive of that it sometimes felt like your dream, tooâand, perhaps naively, you thought the distance and the years wouldâve been enough. You expected your heart to have hardened. You expected all those nights you spent crying to hit you at full force. You expected anger, hurtâindifference, at the very least.
â...as many hours per week as you both can manageâŠâ
But you shouldâve known better. Shouldâve expected the butterflies, the way your palms grow clammy, the way your heart rate spikes. Shouldâve expected everything to feel upside-down. You shouldâve expected to look at Seungcheol and feel sixteen and in love all over again.
â...you are responsible for his academic progressâŠâ
And that simply will not do. Youâve spent the last few years pulling yourself out of that hole, clawing your way back to something resembling normal. Youâve purged the thought of him from your mindâlet his scent fade from your sheets, an old sweatshirt heâd left behind; forgot the way his lips felt against every inch of your skin; forgot the way his entire being lit up when he laughed; forgot the safety he encompassed, the way he whispered all those sweet nothings.
You cannot go there again.
So you roll your shoulders back, smile politely. Say, âAh, kyosu-nim, Choi Seungcheol-ssi seems very intelligent, Iâm sure he is capable of being responsible for his own academic standing, donât you think?â
Dr. Lee cannot disagree without all but calling Seungcheol an idiot, so he hovers before you in shocked silence. Makes a show of huffing and checking his watch, like heâs all of a sudden remembered heâs late for something and being inconvenienced by this conversation he started, and then heâs halfway out of the library with a terse, âDiscuss and figure this out amongst yourselves,â thrown over his shoulder.
You have an entire dramatic exit planned in your head. Gather your things, fake a phone call that makes you sound authoritative and important, and brush past Seungcheol wearing your nicest perfume as if all of this is so far beneath you you canât even bring yourself to care about it.
Of course, you actually have to brush by him for any of that to happen, and since youâve already decided you will not go there again, you quickly scribble your email address onto a piece of paper and slide it across the table at Seungcheol, who has steadfastly remained planted just outside the door. âHereâs my email. I donât have time to discuss this right now.â Seungcheol cocks an eyebrow. You start throwing things into your bag haphazardly. You know you look frantic and affected, but thereâs not much you can do about that. âWhat? Send me a copy of your syllabus and what you want to prioritize. Itâll be easier to get through this if we have a plan instead of winging it.â
He seems to catch on to your distaste because he mirrors it. Scoffs as he rolls his eyes and says, âYeah, no use spending more time together than we have to,â and if you hadnât gone years without speaking, you wouldâve seen right through it.
But you did, so it stings all the same.
As it typically does, the planet keeps spinning after your run-in with Seungcheol.
You grade Dr. Ahnâs coursework. Try running off your anxiety at the gym, even though itâs pretty good at keeping pace with you these days. You meet Kaoriâs maybe-boyfriend sneaking out of your apartment early in the morning and he has the good sense not to mention your ex, but you chalk that up to the mess of hickeys covering his neck and not any sense of social decorum.
Other peopleâs embarrassment saves you a ton of your own, youâve come to learn.
Throughout all of this, Seungcheol only emails you once to send you his course syllabus. Doesnât mention tutoring or provide you with his schedule or ask for yours, so when youâre sitting in a bar with your friends, three or four drinks deep and feeling a little petty, you forward him the original tutoring request and make sure to bold, underline, and highlight the âRecommended Tutoring: Highâ part for good measure.
He doesnât take your baitâelectronically, at leastâbut he does show up to your office hours the following Tuesday.
Bag tossed onto the floor, he flops unceremoniously into the chair across from you and says, in lieu of a greeting, âThey spelled your name wrong. On the door thing.â
âI know,â you reply, your smile polite and terse. Incredible how he has the ability to raise your blood pressure in milliseconds. âWhat can I help you with?â
âDepends. How long do you have?â
âWell, considering youâve shown up to my office hours on time, Iâm assuming you already know Iâm here every Tuesday and Thursday from four to six. Soââyou glance at the clock above the doorââassuming no one comes by who needs my help more than you do, you have approximately one hour and fifty-eight minutes.â
Seungcheol is quiet for a moment as he takes you in. His stare is weighted; it makes you feel a little green around the edges. Clinical and sharp, so far removed from the way he used to look at you. You clear your throat. âI looked over your syllabus. The good news is thereâs only a midterm and a final and the rest is problem sets. The bad news is thereâs only a midterm and a final so theyâre weighted quite heavily. You really need to know this stuff inside-out to have any hope of passing.â
âThatâs why youâre here, right? Dr. Lee specifically requested you.â
You huff a breath through your nose. âIâm here as supplemental help. I canât take your exams or do your readings for you. What else are you taking this semester?â
He sighs, sinking further into the chair, very much playing the part of the heir who has no interest in any of this. Which⊠is unlike him, you think, if youâre even allowed to. The Seungcheol you knew years ago took everything so seriously. Never clipped corners or took shortcuts. Anyone else would think him a spoiled, petulant child. âBusiness Accounting and International Trade.â
âCould be worse,â you note. âAt least those three courses are tangentially related.â
Seungcheol rolls his eyes. âEasy for you to say. I havenât taken a fucking math class in years.â
You return it. âYou remember how to add and subtract, donât you?â
âI ruptured my ACL, not myâŠâ He trails off, looking a little embarrassed that he canât name a part of theââBrain.â
Whatever you were going to quip back with dies on your tongue. It's the first time Seungcheol has broached the topic of his injuryâthe first youâre hearing of it at all, actuallyâand he says it like itâs a joke, like itâs not a thing at all, but the pain is all over his face. The bitterness of the situation heâs found himself in. The unfairness of it all.
And there are so many questions you want to ask that arenât your place: if itâs fixable, if heâll ever play again, how heâs coping. But you donât really need toâyou canât imagine how youâd feel if someone suddenly pulled the rug out from under you. If everything contained within the four walls of your office suddenly disappeared.
Not that the man sitting across from you hadnât already done that, but.
âRight,â you continue, as if he hadnât said anything at all. You know Seungcheolâknow he wouldnât want you prodding, sticking your fingers in that particular wound. âI want you to take a look at this,â you say, handing over a printout you have saved from your undergrad tutoring days. âTell me what looks familiar, what doesnât; what does and doesnât make sense.â
He looks down at the paper. Back up at you. Down at the paper again. âWhat the fuck is this?â
âIâwhat? Cheol, itâs my old notes on recitation. Surely youâve already covered thisâthe syllabus says this is week one stuff.â He looks down at the paper again, and itâs so familiar, watching the life drain entirely from someoneâs eyes.
You barely resist the urge to slam your face onto your desk a second time.
You meet Seungcheol at the sports center for your next tutoring session.
He likes the humidity and the smell of the chlorine by the pool. He also likes that itâs not the football pitch, so the two of you sit in the bleachers there and go over his lecture notes. Much to your surprise, Seungcheol talks a mile a minute. Has stars in his eyes when he says he finally understands elastic demand curves, supply shock; tells you he spent a whole hour making flashcards.
Itâs the first time youâve seen him so excited since your tutoring beganâthe first glimmer of hope youâve felt since Dr. Lee cornered you in your library hideaway. None of this surprises you. Seungcheol has always been smart, even when football was his primary (and sometimes only) focus. He has more determination and grit than anyone youâve ever met, so youâre not surprised heâs doing well, excelling, but you are surprisedâ
âCan I ask you something?â Seungcheol shrugs, shoves half a protein bar in his mouth and swallows without chewing. âWhy are you⊠uh. Here?â
âAt this university?â
âNot exactly. I mean, I am wondering about that, but I guess⊠why business?â
Seungcheol hums. Tucks his good knee to his chest and stares down at the pool. No oneâs using it, and truthfully the two of you probably arenât even allowed to be here, but you understand why he likes it. Itâs nowhere near as secluded as the library and definitely not as air conditioned, but it is peaceful. Calm. The water laps against the coping in quiet, small waves.
âAh, I donât know. You know how it goes.â
You quirk an eyebrow. Never, in all the years youâve known him, has Seungcheol done anything he didnât want to do. All that grit and determination. âWhat about your father, then? Dr. Lee mentioned this was a favor to him. Heâs a pretty important person to have in your Rolodex of favors.â
Doesnât take a rocket scientist to see what this is: Seungcheolâs father has new money; worked from the bottom up, made some smart investment decisions that finally panned out after Seungcheol left for Seoul. Started doing his own thing, made a name for himself. Last youâd heard from your mother, Seungcheolâs brother was second-in-command. Hell, even your own brother did an internship there.
So you know what this is: a father helping his son after his dream was shattered, life turned upside-down. You canât blame him, even if youâve heard the whispers from all the way across campus. That Seungcheol is washed up now, trying to nepo his way into his fatherâs company because of it; that all he knows is sports and he shouldâve stuck to that, what does he know about business, why is he the one Dr. Lee went out of his way to help.
Doesnât stop any of them from smiling at him, though; doesnât stop them from asking for autographs or selfies.
But you also know this isnât something Seungcheol seems willing to discuss, so you crack a jokeââI mean, business. God, whoâd wanna go into that?ââand go back to what he was willing to talk about.
Youâve never hated elastic demand curves so much in your life.
Deep in the throes of tutoringâwhen you canât tell if itâs week two or week twelveâyou make it back to your apartment just before ten, head pounding.
The door flies open just as youâre about to punch in the code, and there stands Ken, looking far more put-off than youâve ever seen him. Looks defeated, if youâre being honest, like someone mopped up all his emotions and wrung them out like dirty dishwater.
âOh, hi,â you say hesitantly. The man in front of you seems too much like a caged animal to let your guard down. âEverything okay?â
He aborts a nod halfway. Mutters an apology as he brushes by you and stalks down the hall, disappearing around the corner to the elevators. Usually heâs a talkerâyou havenât been able to avoid a Seungcheol-related conversation in weeksâso youâre a little stunned. Stand there stupidly for a while, and thatâs where Kaori finds you a moment later.
âYou gonna stand out here all night, orâŠ?â
âOhâyeah, right.â
You follow her inside. Toe off your shoes and put them in the rack. Focus on the sound of the kettle whistling instead of the overbearing tension in the room. Drop your bag off in your room, throw on a sweatshirt three sizes too big and a comfy pair of socks. Rummage through the fridge for leftovers, contemplate what mindless show youâll watch as you eat, and you do not, under any circumstances, ask Kaori what happened.
You donât have to. You knew what this was going to be the first time Ken spent the nightâthe way he looked mortified to be meeting you in the shared kitchen at seven a.m., wearing a look that begged you not to tell your roommate he was sneaking out.
I, uh, have an early class, heâd said. You know how it is.
Maybe you shouldâve called him on it then. Issued a warning-but-not-really. Sheâll get attached if you donât tell her. She should know itâs different for you, if it is.
But youâd convinced yourself it wasnât your place. Kaori wouldnât want you in her business like that, so you stayed quiet, just nodded before watching him slip his shoes on and close the door behind him so quietly you wouldnât have known he left at all if you hadnât been looking. Gone, just like a ghost.
So, yeah, you know exactly why your roommate looks haunted.
âIâm a few episodes behind on this if you want to watch with me,â you offer, pointing at the television with the remote. Itâs a lieâyouâve never watched this show a day in your life, which Kaori seems to knowâbut she contemplates it nonetheless. âAlso, my mom mailed us some cookies. I think theyâre in the fridge.â
âWhy are there cookies in the fridge?â
You huff a laugh. âThey were outside the door this morning before I left for campus. I donât knowâjust saw who the package was from and was like, oh, this must go in the fridge.â
She nods. Grabs the container and joins you on the couch. Sticks her feet beneath your butt and doesnât mention a thing.
The closest she comes is a few days later. Catches you right before you head out to campus and asks how tutoring is going.
âNot bad, actually.â
Her smile doesnât reach her eyes when she says, âThatâs good. Iâm glad things are going well for you two.â
Lee Chan, Sophomore makes his unexpected return at your office hours on an unsuspecting Tuesday.
âCan I help you?â
He doesnât answer right away, just helps himself to the seat across from you. âMaybe,â comes his cryptic retort. âI was thinking about signing up for that crypto course next semester.â
You narrow your eyes. âNo, you werenât.â
He sighs. Looks a little panicked, like he canât believe that didnât work. âYouâre right, youâre right. I, umâI wanted to come say thank you.â He pauses. âYou know, for that⊠email you sent.â
You blink. âNo, you didnât.â
Lee Chan, Sophomore cracks immediately. Thunks his head on your desk and lets loose a pained sound. It nearly sounds like heâs wailing when he says, âIâm sorry! They put me up to it!â
What youâre able to piece together is this: Lee Chan, Sophomore has become a bit of a celebrity in the Student Services department ever since he met you, Choi Seungcheolâs tutor. And, like any smart, previously unpopular university student would do, he took advantage of it. Mightâve stretched the truth a little to make it sound like he knew more than he did, so now here he is, angling for information the girls with the photocards may or may not have paid him to get.
âThey want to know about his girlfriend.â
âHis what?â
What youâre able to piece together is also this: the Photocard Girls are certain Seungcheol is dating someone, based on little more than vibes. You suspect these vibes are their three degrees of separation, considering there was an abnormal amount of Change of Major files formed after his enrollment, but you tell Lee Chan that you donât know anything and, even if you did, you wouldnât put his business out there like that.
But some part of you still has this inexplicable urge to protect Seungcheol, so you match their offer with interest and tell him to say thereâs nothing to reportânot that you didnât know, not that he couldnât get anything out of you. Seungcheol isnât dating anyone.
You donât know if itâs true, but you figure that if it isnât, he still deserves privacy.
Which is a notion you have trouble explaining a few hours later, when Seungcheol strolls into your office with a grease-stained paper bag full of cheese coin bread, offering one to you with a proud smile that drops slowly when you just stare in return.
âWhatâs wrong?â
Your mouth opens, closes, opens again. Nothing comes out, even though it should be simple. Some sophomore kid was just in here angling for information or the Student Services department is taking bets on whether or not you have a girlfriend would both suffice, but you cannot bring yourself to say the words.
What you settle on is, âSorry, I just⊠had an interesting meeting before you got here.â
âOh. Are you okay?â
You sigh. Tilt your head back to stare up at the ceiling. âIt was about you, actually.â
Seungcheol chokes, starts stuttering over words you canât make sense of. Says, âMe? Why? I passed my last examâI mean, barely, but I still passed. And that wasnât your fault! I didnât study enough! Iâve been losing my mind over my International Trade class, that shit sucksââ
âIt wasnât about your grades, Cheol.â
âOh.â Then, slowly, a lopsided, pleased smile overtakes his face. âHavenât heard you call me Cheol in a while.â
âSeungcheol,â you correct.
He seems to forget all about the meeting. Tries again to offer you a coin bread before he threatens to eat them all himself, so you acquiesce mostly to shut him up, say youâll bring the extras to Kaori. For some reason, you tell him about how much sheâd loved the cookies your mom sent, and the nostalgia sets him off, gets him talking again, asking if they were the yakgwa she used to make when you two were kids.
They were, but you canât seem to tell him that, either.
Seungcheol: sorry itâs last minute - running late. can you meet me at my place instead?
Seungcheol shared a location with you
Youâre halfway to replyingâI donât think thatâs appropriateâbefore you sigh and delete it. Midterms are only a few days away and you donât have time to argue over where your tutoring sessions will be, so if Seungcheol wants to meet at his apartment thatâs where youâll meet him.
You read over the midterm notes on the train. Once, twice, and then a hundred more times until theyâre nearly memorized, all so you can ignore the voice in the back of your head saying what a bad idea this is. That you have no business being on your way to your exâs swanky part of town or integrating yourself into his life beyond tutoring at all. You shouldnât know where he lives. Maybe you shouldnât even have his phone number or answer his texts.
Not that thereâs much you can do about it now, two stops away.
Seungcheol greets you warmly, if not a little rushed. Apologizes for the mess once you step inside, although itâs less âmessâ and more âhavenât finished unpacking,â but thereâs enough clear space to study at the dining table, so thatâs where you set up, determined to keep things professional.
âSorry again about this,â Seungcheol says, placing a can of cola in front of you as he takes the seat across. âI had to meet with my father and lost track of time, I guess.â
âOh. Howâs he doing?â
Seungcheol sighs, leans further back in the chair as runs a hand through his hair. A light brown, now. âSame as he always was, I guess. Talked about the business, about my brother. Canât get him to shut up about that stuff most of the time.â
âThe business is doing good, though.â You cough, clear your throat. âMy, uh. My brother interned there during undergrad. I donât know if your father told you that.â
You donât know why you say it, because itâs clear from the brief flicker of pain on Seungcheolâs face that he hadnât known, that no one had told him. And it hurts you too that they felt the need to keep it a secret, to protect Seungcheol from you even in tangential ways.
âHe didnât,â he admits, âbut Iâm sure he was happy to see him. He was, uhâhe was glad to hear youâre my tutor. Said you were always smarter than all of us boys combined.â
You laugh. Hope it sounds casual instead of strained. âWell, no need to prove him right. Come on,â you say, tossing a study guide in his direction, âletâs get to work.â
Everything is alright for a whileânearly an hour at least. He has the formulas memorized and attributed to the correct equations. He can explain supply and demand, preference and utility, but things start to fall apart around budget constraints and constrained choice.
The formulas get mixed up. He grows frustrated when he doesnât know the answers to your questions right away. Rolls his eyes and gets a little snappy when you correct him, try to explain things differently in a way he understands. At first heâs able to temper it, collect himself before things truly start spiraling out of control, but the longer the two of you sit there the more it all unravels.
He snaps, you snap back, and you canât figure out why. Youâve survived this long in Seungcheolâs orbit even though you never thought youâd be around him again, and perhaps it was bound to explode eventually, butâŠ
Itâs the familiarity, you realize.
You and Seungcheol arenât friends, though youâve been playing at it for weeks now: meeting outside of the library or your office, the personal conversations bordering on reminiscing, being in his personal space. You donât belong here. You donât want to be his friendâyou canât be, not for real or pretend.
âThatâs not what Iâm sayââ
âThen explain it better,â Seungcheol fires at you, eyebrows creasing. âYouâre the tutor here.â
You roll your eyes. âIâm trying, okay? All I meant wasâyour answer isnât wrong, but I know Dr. Lee and heâs going to want more than that in a response.â
âRightânot good enough, like I said.â
âIâm just asking you to expand on your answerââ
âAnd Iâm telling you thatâs all Iâve got. Iâm not like you, all right? I donât have all this shit just floating around in my head all the time. Iâm not smart, I barely have any idea whatâs going on half the time, and you sitting here being condescending about it is doing fuck-all to help.â
You inhale sharply, taken aback at the hostility in his voice. Suggest calling it for the night, say neither of you will be productive if you keep going like this, and neither of you bother to apologize.
So much of your relationship with Seungcheol was marred by clichés.
The two of you passing notes back and forth during class. You in the bleachers of all his games, screaming along to the team chants, waving a sign around with his name on it. Not realizing you had a crush on him at all until he liked someone else and it made your stomach hurt. Childhood friends turned lovers.
Another clichĂ©: that itâs starting to feel like that all over again.
Seungcheol sits across from you in the library, econ textbook cracked in half in front of him as he pays no attention. Keeps grabbing his phone each time it vibrates across the table. Canât fight the smile that forces its way onto his face when he reads whateverâs there.
Stupid, you thinkâboth to do this and to think itâd play out any other way. Seungcheol left years ago. Probably lived ten lifetimes while he was away while you were here in this exact spot doing this exact thing. Barely lived half a life, just stuck your nose in textbooks and forced your way through.
âCheol,â you say, trying to drag his attention back to the study guide. No use. Heâs typing away, presses his tongue into the fat of his cheek as he responds. âSeungcheol,â you try again.
Also fruitless.
You have no claim here, you remind yourselfânot to his time, not to him. Heâs only here because someone else mandated it. Youâre only here because someone else mandated it, but it stings all the same. Another reminder of what used to be, of what ended regardless of what you wanted. Another reminder that the role you used to play in his life is not the role you play now. That the space you used to take up created a vacancy, and eventually it was going to be filled.
And if this was anyone other than Seungcheol, if you were more emotionally evolved when it came to him, it wouldnât gnaw at you as much. All of this would roll off your shoulders.
But it isnât, and youâre not.
âIf youâre not going to listen, thenââ
âI am listening,â he interjects, but heâs not looking at you. Not looking at his textbook or his study guide. Keeps laughing and smiling at his phone, and itâs sick how bothered you are by it. That it feels like your stomachâs been turned inside-out with jealousy; with annoyance, because you donât want to be here anyway, donât want to do this anymore, and youâre wasting your time on someone who doesnât appreciate it.
Perhaps he never did.
âWhat are we discussing, then?â
Still not looking up: âConsumer theory.â
You laughâmore a huff of air than anything, grin sardonically out of one corner of your mouth. Seungcheol sees none of it. âWrong,â you answer, already expecting the way he shrugs it off. âIâm gonna skip ahead a few chapters, though. Consider it a freebie for your business class.â
It must be your tone that finally grabs his attention. Cutting, precise, purposeful. Seungcheol lowers his phone, quirks an eyebrow, wonders where this is going to go. Itâs clear heâs pissed you off, that youâre itching for a fight. Itâs clear the years of silence are finally coming to a head.
âLetâs talk about ROI. You know what that is?â You barely give him a second. âReturn on investment. A performance measure used to evaluate the efficiency of an investment or compare the efficiency of several investments. So, letâs say I make one-hundred-thousand won on a ten-thousand won investment: my ROI is 90%. Are you following?â
He nods.
âGreat, now letâs try something a bit more hypothetical.â You suck in a breath. âLetâs say I invest years of my adolescence into someone. A friend at first and then something more. Letâs say I played cheerleader, supported every hope and dream he hadâwent to every game, cheered him on, helped him practice his English. Held his hand and talked him down when the pressure felt overwhelming, when the only thing that felt inevitable was failure. Now, letâs say all I got in return was a stuttered, awkward apology as he dumped me and walked out the door. Letâs say that guy showed up again after years of silence just to once again waste my fucking time.â
The thing about pain is itâs not linear. What hurt five, ten years ago might not hurt today, but it might tomorrow; what hurt yesterday may never hurt again. The thing about pain is it lets you stick your head in the sand until it canât anymore, and thatâs where you are now: that window of time between Seungcheol walking out the door on the assumption youâd never see him again before he bulldozed his way back into your life has been slammed closed, locked up tight.
So you donât even notice youâre crying until the room goes deathly silent and you can hear the drip drip drip of tears on paper. Until you watch Seungcheolâs hands flex and unflex in mid-air, stuck in that liminal space, wanting to reach out but knowing he has no right to. Until your chest aches so bad youâre sure youâre either about to break into stardust or cease to exist.
Until you say, âWhat, Choi Seungcheol, would you say my fucking return on investment was?â and he has nothing to say at all.
Kaori invites you to a party.
Just something small to celebrate the end of midterms and a classmateâs birthday. Nothing out of control or raucous, not even the kind of thing thatâd earn a second glance from campus security. I wonât even make fun of you if you leave before eleven, is how she sold it to you, in addition to a small amount of begging and bargaining and a powerful set of puppy-dog eyes.
After everything the two of you have been through, you find it hard to say no.
So here you are, nearly eleven oâclock on a Friday, a cup of cheap beer in hand. A friend of a friend of a friend is wailing into a karaoke machine and although your ears are bleeding, it does feel nice for that to be your greatest worry. You arenât thinking about your classes or how youâve been prioritizing everyone elseâs academic success. You arenât thinking about whateverâs going on between Kaori and Ken. You arenât thinking about Seungcheol.
At least you arenât, until he walks through the door.
Youâre going to continue not thinking about him at allânot about the fact heâs alone or how good he looks in a simple black T-shirt thatâs a little taut in the shoulders. Youâre not going to think about the way the air shifts, like the universe knows heâs important and is willing to accommodate. Youâre not going to think about how Kaori catches your eye across the room, recognizes him from all her internet searches, and the way she mouths oh my god heâs so beefy at you.
Youâre not going to think about how guilty you feel that she doesnât know, because if you do youâre certain itâll take over.
You watch Seungcheol work the room; watch as he floats between conversations, as strangers fall over themselves at the sight of him. How eager everyone is to give him something and how reluctant he is to take them. You watch as he winds up in the same circle as Kaori and how she must mention you, oh, your tutor is my roommate, because thereâs a question in return before he turns and meets your gaze.
You wonder why the distance between you feels more insurmountable now than ever before.
Seungcheol finds you in your office.
Itâs not a Tuesday or a Thursday, far later than four to six in the evening, but he doesnât even bother knocking before heâs barreling in, stifling your space with his bad energy.
You havenât seen him in nearly two weeks. Not since the party, if that even counts. Hasnât bothered to reply to any of your texts or emails, and that was just fine by you, if thatâs how he wanted to act, but it isnât until heâs brooding on the other side of your desk that you realize youâre still aggrieved, too. Feels a little too familiar, him leaving you behind and in the dark.
So you donât mean toâtypically have much more professionalism than thisâbut when he tosses a stapled stack of papers with a barely-passing grade on your desk and says, âThis is your fault,â the words come automatically and without forethought.
âFuck off, Seungcheol.â Itâs not your words that take him by surprise; more so the roll of your eyes, the accompanying huff. The impression that all of this is beneath you and nothing more than a mere annoyance. That however affected you were two weeks ago is not how affected you are anymore. âThatâs what happens when you blow off your tutoring for two weeks because youâre a coward.â
He laughs, incredulous; unable to help the sound the tumbles out of his mouth. âIâm aâIâm a coward?â
âYes,â you reply, tone giving away nothing. All he sees is feigned nonchalance despite the hurricane you feel brewing beneath the surface. âThis,â you continue, pinching the corner of the paper between your fingertips and disposing of it in the trashcan beneath your desk, âis all on you, but do please let me know if thereâs anything else youâd like to blame me for. Iâm all ears.â
You donât miss it: the way Seungcheolâs eyes grow wide at your âIâm all.â The way he thinks youâre going to punctuate that sentence with yours, and it nearly has bile rising in your throat. Makes you want to scream, rip at your hair. If the last few months have taught you anything, itâs that you are still hopelessly in love with the man across from youâthe man that continues to leave before heâs left, always at your expense.
So, yeahâSeungcheol is a coward, but only when it comes to you.
But he doesnât look much like one now, gripping so hard at the edge of your desk that his knuckles have gone white, baseball cap pulled down low enough his eyes are barely visible. Heâs always been overwhelming, always carried himself with an exaggerated arrogance even when it wasnât warranted, always took everything so seriously, and maybe thatâs why youâd thought heâd treat you the same way. Take you seriously. Wouldnât just throw it all away on a maybe thing, and thatâs why it's been years and you still arenât over it.
Maybe Seungcheol is a coward, and maybe so are you.
Because not once since heâs been back have you been able to say what you mean. Canât seem to tell him about the anger, the hurt, the heartbreak. Played it all off as petty nonchalance because you foolishly thought that would hurt him, that youâve been reduced to simmering ash, no hope left for a fire.
âI could never blame you for a goddamn thing,â he says, voice so deep you could drown in it.
You so desperately want to know. You donât want to know anything at all. You want Seungcheol to explain everything to you in detail and spoil the ending, but only if itâs guaranteed to be happy. Enduring another loss like the first timeâyouâre not sure you can take it. Not after you two have crossed paths like this, because youâve never quite believed in fate but you think that has to mean something. That so much time and life had transpired and you two came back together.
Today, though, it doesnât look like youâre going to get any answers.
Seungcheol straightens, looms at full height. Digs into the pocket of his sweatpants and pulls out a thumb drive. Wordlessly, he hands it over, and then heâs gone just as abruptly as heâd arrived.
Again.
Kaori wants to spend the weekend moping, and you canât come up with a good reason not to join her.
She doesnât mention Ken once. Not when sheâs sobbing over A Silent Voice and Toradora! after that. Not when she keeps glancing at her phone every couple minutes to see if she has any texts. Not when youâonly halfway paying attention between grading and your own assignmentsâsuggest ordering something for delivery, maybe that new burger place down the street you heard was good, and Kaori shuts it down so vehemently you can only assume it was Kenâs favorite place.
Kaori just cries over the man with the big dick she never expected to take so seriously, and not even your stonewalling makes her feel ashamed of it.
And thereâs respectability in that kind of openness and vulnerability. At least whatever sheâs feeling is honest; at least she can admit sheâs sad. You think watching Kaori process her breakup might help you process yours too, years too late, so you suck in a breath and ask, âCan I tell you something or is now not a good time?â
Kaori looks over at you. Dabs a soggy tissue at her eyes. âWell, I guess it depends,â is her answer, and she doesnât shy away from how waterlogged her voice sounds. âIf youâre going to tell me youâre a Takasu and Kawashima shipper, maybe, but if itâs anything worse Iâm not sure I could take it.â
âIâwhat? Who even are they?â She gives you a half-hearted thumbs up. You sigh in response, sink further into the couch. âItâs, uh.â Clear your throat. âDo you remember when we met sophomore year? At that party? And I told you I wasnât looking for anything and you said, and I quote, why not, I have a sixth sense for this kind of thing and I know that guy will have a hugeââ
She hides her face behind her hands. âEw, god, yes I remember that. My dick whisperer era. How embarrassing.â
âRight. And I told you I wasnât looking for anything because Iâd just gotten out of something.â
âNot really by choice, if I remember correctly. I told you if it was quiet it shouldâve been loud, and then you never talked about it again.â
You nod. âIâyeah, that sounds like something I wouldâve said.â You suck in a deep breath. âListen, this is probably gonna sound bad considering I did never talk about it again, butââ
âHey,â Kaori says, nudging you with her foot. Meant to be comforting, somehow. âItâs okay. Thereâs a lot you donât know about me, too⊠most of which Iâm not sure you should, actually.â
A laugh forces its way out, gives you a nice reprieve from the anxiety of the conversation youâre about to have. The need to explain it all, the need for advice. Maybe itâs not herâor anyone elseâsâbusiness, but you think youâve kept this to yourself long enough. You and Seungcheol loved each other, once, and it seems foolish that no one knows.
Maybe Kaori had been right. Maybe love should be shouted from the rooftops; exist out in the open. Maybe something hidden in the shadows can never thrive in the light, and you knew it back then, deep down, but now it seems so obvious.
You think back to a few days before the library. Think about how things didnât feel good but they felt okay. Think about the frustrated crease between Seungcheolâs eyebrows as he stared down at his textbook and how all youâd wanted to do was smooth it. Think about how youâd rolled your lips and tried not to laugh; how you thought itâd take a miracle to help Seungcheol pass this class.
Think about: What is the difference between the short-run and the long-run from the perspective of production theory?
Think about the short-run of your and Seungcheolâs relationshipâthat youâd burned bright and fast, even though itâd felt like a million years. Hadnât dared to consider the long-run because anything beyond that bubble felt impossible.
Think about: Which of the following is not a property of isoquants?
Think about the way Seungcheolâs eyes lit up when he knew the answer. That theyâre always linear, he said, and you smiled at his enthusiasm, raised your hand to high-five him and dropped it when he hadnât noticed.
You think about the explanationâisoquants can be linear when inputs are perfectly substitutableâand what those graphs look like. Downward sloping, left to right. Think about how the graphs change when the isoquants are perfect complements.
L-shaped. Less straight as the inputs become poorer substitutes.
You know what your and Seungcheolâs graph wouldâve looked like back then.
So itâs easy, almost, to tell Kaori everything. You tell her about growing up in Daegu, about the smell of the azaleas at Biseulsan in the spring. You tell her about how your parents had befriended the neighbors, how they had a kid your age, that that kid was Seungcheolâyes, that Seungcheol.
Sheâs able to anticipate the rest from there, but you fill in the blanks of what she canât: being sixteen and falling in love, holding hands, the clandestine notes. All those football matches and how your throat would be hoarse from cheering. How nauseous youâd felt applying to university in Seoul, how excited you were when Seungcheol said he was coming with you. That, after you arrived, it felt like you were living in fast-forward. Barely any time to breathe or adjust; no time to just be you and Seungcheol. You had to be a student, someone responsible; Seungcheol had to be a phenom.
âCould you feel it was going to happen?â Kaori asks, now sat ramrod straight, all her attention on you. âLike, did you know?â
âI donât know,â you admit. âMaybe I did? Itâs hard to say now, all this time later. I know things definitely felt different, like life was pulling us in opposite directions.â You laugh, bitterness coloring the edges. âYou couldnât go two blocks without seeing him on some billboard, and I was just⊠normal, you know? I wasnât some rising star athlete like he was, I just went to my classes. How was I supposed to compete with something like that?â
Your roommate hums, leans back into the pillows as she stares up at the ceiling. âI donât think you were. Maybe thatâs why Seungcheol was worriedâmaybe he felt like you were losing your own identity feeling like you had to keep up.â
You want to push back, argue that you werenât, that you didnât, but the truth is that itâs possible. That the shadows created by Seungcheolâs dreams were so massive you wouldnât be surprised if they unintentionally swallowed you up. âIt still wasnât his choice to make,â you say, voice barely above a whisper.
And Kaori already knows all about your hurt, listened as you explained it all and laid everything bare. So when she says, âSometimes thatâs just how it goes, though, babe,â it doesnât feel condescending. âWe do the best we can with what weâve got at the time. You can say now it wasnât Seungcheolâs choice to make, because itâs been almost five years and youâve made a life for yourself separate from him. But theâgod, this is gonna sound so patronizing, I am so sorryâbut you guys were so young. No one has it all figured out at that age.â
She snorts, runs a hand through her messy hair. âShit, Iâm nearly halfway to thirty and I still donât know anything.â Adopts a frown. âWhat do you want now? Do you want closure? Want to try to fix things and become friends?â
âI donât know,â you admit, biting at a hangnail. âHe actually, um. The other day when he stopped by my office, he left me a USB drive? And before you ask, no I did not already look at it.â
âA USB drive? Who does this guy think he is, James Bond?â A pause. âAre you gonna look at it, though?â
You do.
Not until the silver, midnight light creeps in through your bedroom curtains and youâve stared at the ceiling long enough; waited long enough for texts that never came, for divine intervention to, well, intervene. It never didâfair enoughâso you decide to take fate by the reins. Grab your laptop, instant headache from the screen, stick the drive into the port.
It takes a second for it to load, but when it does: dozens of videos, organized by date. Vlogs, by the look of themâsome from before your breakup but the majority of them from after.
Youâre not sure what you expected, but it wasnât this.
You click on the first one: a month and a half before both of you moved to Seoul. A fresh-faced Seungcheol appears on your screen, cheeks still round with adolescence. Heâs in his room back in Daegu, canât get the camera angle right. Nostalgia hits you like a ton of bricks as it pans to the side, to the wall behind his bed, and you see all his old posters. Mostly football players you couldnât name, some girl group he used to love, a few movies. Just below them are some of the notes youâd written him in school, and theyâre all you can focus on as he talks about how excited he is for the move.
The next: a few weeks after youâd started classes. By then, Seungcheol was well into the swing of things with Seoul FC. Already a big fish in a small pond, tryout offers from European teams starting to roll in. You can hear yourself in the background stressing over your first exam, wishing a generational curse upon your calculus professor. In the video, Seungcheol laughs, whispers like heâs telling the camera a secret as he talks about how nervous he is for his future. I donât know why, he says, but it just feels like everything is about to change.
Thereâs a long pause between that one and the next. You understand why when you look at the date: three months after your breakup. Your hands hover uselessly above your keyboard. Whatever answers youâve been looking for the last few years are probably in this video, but you canât bring yourself to open it. Not right away, at least.
You click on a different one at random. Seungcheolâs somewhere in Europe, judging from the language on the signs behind him. Snow falls quietlyâwhenever he filmed this, it mustâve been early. No one else is around, and he cracks a joke that itâs a good thing, people would probably think he was crazy if they saw him. He doesnât tell you where heâs going but he narrates the entire walk: points out a cafe heâs grown to love. The way to get to his practice stadium from where heâs standing. Pauses near a restaurant and laughs ruefully, shakes his head, says, I donât know why Iâm telling you this, but one of my teammates set me up on a blind date here and I got stood up. Youâd probably think that was funny.
(You do. It also makes your chest ache.)
One from two years ago: Seungcheol in a hotel room, clearly nervous. He raises his hand to wave at the camera and you can see the corners of his nails bitten raw. Dark circles beneath his eyes; cheekbones more pronounced than youâve ever seen them. On the screen, Seungcheol sighs, rakes a hand through freshly-bleached hair. Sucks in a deep breath as he says, Iâm so nervous. Iâm soâso fucking nervous and I donât. Fuck, I donât know what to do. I want to call you because you always knew what to say but thatâs so fucking selfish. God, we havenât spoken in years, and itâs myâthatâs my fault, I know, so I brought this all on myself. I just want to hear your voice.
Another from a week after that: the colorâs returned to his face, and heâs recording from what looks like a penthouse apartment. Sleek, modern; a small white dog napping on the bed beside him. He smiles, looks like he got his teeth fixed, looks like heâs no longer carrying around the weight of the world. Talks endlessly and excitedly about some tournament. Talks so fast you can barely keep up. Talks around words tinged with languages you donât understand.
Seungcheol wins a championship. Records a drunk vlog from the same night, hair soaked through with god-knows-whatâwater, champagne, you donât know. But he looks radiant. Looks like the culmination of two decades of dreaming. He looks happy, free, at peace. He looks like the reason he let you go, why he had to go away.
You scroll to the bottom of the files. Pause at the last video, dated seven months before the term started.
âHi,â he says, and you can immediately tell everything is all wrong. Seungcheolâs in the dark, face only visible enough to see the tears tracking on his cheeks. âThis is going to be the last one of these I make. I donât know if you, uhâIâm sure you arenât paying attention to meâmy careerâanymore, but. I, um. I got hurt. Ruptured my ACL. Theyâre not sure IâllâŠâ A sob escapes him. Has you wanting to climb through the screen to hold him, thumb away his tears, tell him everything is going to be okay. âThey donât know if Iâll ever play again.â
Seungcheol no longer looks happy, free, at peace. âMaybe youâll be happy to hear that,â he continues. âMaybe itâll help you to know I threw away our relationship for nothing.â
Cut to black.
The sudden silence is deafening. Has you desperately clicking back to the video youâd skipped, the one from just after your breakup. Seungcheol looks the same in that one, too, like the life has been drained out of him.
I donât know why Iâm doing this. Itâs not like Iâll ever show these to you now, since IâŠ
Iâm sure I owe you an explanation. To be honest, I donât know what Iâm doing, I justâthings have been so hard, and Iâm still trying to make sense of it all. I feel like my life went from zero to a hundred before I could even blink and now Iâm scrambling. I didnât think it was fair toâto drag you through that. Me being away, moving to an entirely different continent. I have faith we could do it, I just. I donât know, baby, I donâtâŠ
You deserve to have your own life. Be your own person. Iâm so scared that the world will never see you for who you areâso beautiful and intelligent and kind. You donât deserve to be reduced to my partner. And if you ever see this, I know youâre gonna roll your eyes. Probably call me a mean name because I took the choice away from you, because you think Iâm trying to be selfless and heroic, and youâd be right. Itâs not fair, and I wish I could tell you Iâm sorry.
I wish I could just⊠pluck out my brain and give it to you, because even if it killed me to do it, at least it makes sense to me. And I donâtâI donât want you to think Iâm not hurting. Iâve been sick to my stomach since I left. I know Iâm making a mistake, I know I am, I justâhow do I do what I think is right in the long-run when itâs not what I want right now, or ever?
I donât want to get over you. I donât want you to get over me, and thatâs how you know Iâm not acting selflessly, because you should. I want you to always be happy, I just⊠wish it was with me.
So, Iâm going to keep making these. Iâm going to take you along for the ride, wherever it takes us, because you should be here but I can only hope you can one day understand why youâre not. Iâm soâIâm so sorry, I donâtâŠ
Iâm sorry.
I love you.
You fall asleep and dream that you were the one meant to meet him at that restaurant.
The first thing you do is make a call to your mother.
âCould you send another container of yakgwa?â
On the other end of the line, your mother tuts, motherly intuition audibly kicking into overdrive. Is probably wearing that all-knowing, sly grin she always does when you try to be coy and evasive. âWhat happened to the last container I sent?â
âAh, you know Kaori loves those. They barely lasted an hour after I told her what was in there.â
She hums an acknowledgement. Sounds like she takes a sip of tea. âI remember someone else being quite fond of those cookies, too.â
âWell, they are the most popular cookies in the country, so.â
After haranguing you into admitting theyâre for Seungcheol and not your roommate, your mother promises to send them quickly. A few days at most, which buys you enough time to figure out how youâre going to approach the man in question.
The vlogs have turned your entire world upside-down. Answered questions you hadnât even known you had. Took all that anger and resentment youâd been holding onto and set it free, and now youâre just left with⊠a void. Want to mend things, and it makes you wonder if such a thing is even possible, if itâs too late, but you donât let those thoughts get very far.
Instead, you let them spur you into action. Have you sitting in front of your laptop at your desk, office hours long since over, silence creeping in the more the department empties. The thrum of the airconditioning and the tick-tick-tick of the clock are all the only company you have.
You worry if itâll show on camera, how out of sorts you feel: sweating from the nerves, dabbing at your hairline; cheeks warm to the touch. But you suck in a breath anyway, steel yourself. Look at your webcam and the daunting red circleâŠ
And start recording.
He hadnât gotten it at first. Not really.
Thereâd been a container of yakgwa outside his door with his USB drive taped to the top of it. No noteânot that he needed one to know who it was from, but he wasnât sure what it was. A goodbye? A please fuck off forever and never contact me again?
Heâd just taken them inside. Ate too many of the cookies while feeling sorry for himself. Maybe had a glass or two of wine to compound the issue, and never, ever considered contacting you. Didnât think he could bear it if you never wanted to see him again, but he justâŠ
Well, he was drunk and alone and he missed you, and heâd rewatched all those videos he recorded a million times before when he was like this, so what was a million and one?
Itâd been the same as every time before: he smiled at the happy parts, cried at all his old wounds. Wanted to reach through the screen and strangle his past self for including that part about the blind date, because he never wanted to date anyone who wasnât you, why would he say that, felt mortified at the thought of you watching thatâ
And then there it was.
All the way at the bottom. A new video. One that hadnât been recorded by himâ
Hi, Cheol, you say, and thatâs all it takes to reduce him to a sobbing, yearning mess. Iâm not sure what to say here. I donât really record muchâsometimes for lectures when the professors are too busy, but never anything personal like this, but I watched every single one you made for me and I thought I should return the favor.
I wanted to tell you everything Iâve been up to since you left, but it hasnât been much. I got my degree. Tutored a lot in undergradâthe same thing Iâm tutoring you in now, actually. I was good at it and it felt good to have something that was mine, you know? I almost moved for grad school. Thought for a while I was going to wind up in New York, but then my parents divorced and it felt like too much, too scary, so I stayed. Kaori also stayed, so we got an apartment together. Itâs not much, definitely not as nice as your place, but itâs good enough.
I donât think I ever told you, but she was seeing a guy for a bit and he was⊠obsessed with you, to say the least. Thought you were the coolest person in the world. They arenât seeing each other anymore. Ended pretty badly, butâspeaking of which, maybe steer clear of Student Services for a while, too.
Sometimes it felt like failure that I wound up staying here. That I had scholarships from all these far-away, prestigious places and didnât take advantage of them. That I gave into my fear. And now⊠I donât know. Maybe thereâs a reason I stayed behind. Maybe thereâs a reason you ended up back here, too.
Whatever happensâI donât want you to think I still blame you. Kaori says we do the best we can with what weâve got at the time, and I understand now thatâs what you did. Even though it hurt me, you were trying to protect me. I get it now. And Iâm sorry you had to go through all of that alone. I canât imagine how hard it mustâve been to go to all these places you didnât know. To have to deal with your injury, the loss of a dream.
You said in one of your videos that you just want me to be happy, and thatâs all I want for you, too, whatever that looks like.
Hereâs my address if you ever want to come by to talk.
I love you, too.
âand then heâd been up and out the door, feeling stone cold sober, running to the front of his building to wait for his ride.
Felt like the drive took hours. Mustâve hit every red light between his apartment and yours. Took the steps two at a time just to get to your door faster.
Thereâs a man already standing outside your door when he gets there. One that looks shocked to see him, stars in his eyes, and when Seungcheol says, âOh, you must be Kaoriâs ex,â he looks more like he wants the earth to swallow him whole. Embarrassed in front of his idol.
He knocks on your door and gets no response. Knocks again, harder this time, and he has to try really hard to stifle his laughter when your voice yells from the inside, âFuck off, Kenji, I already told you sheâs not here!â
âItâs me,â Seungcheol yells back.
Thereâs quiet again. Just enough time for it to feel like his heart is going to beat right out of his chest and follow Kaoriâs ex down the hall.
Then youâre yanking the door openâslowly, so slowly, like youâre scared itâs not actually him. Your eyes are brimming with tears when they meet his own, and he doesnât let himself think, just goes on instinct, when he grabs for you, hands on your cheeks, and presses his lips to yours.
Somehow you taste the same.
Somehow you taste like redemption.
You taste like home.
Seungcheol kisses you until the tears slow. Kisses you until the universe realigns, until he could map your mouth in the dark. Kisses you until all youâre all he knows again.
When he pulls away, youâre gripping at his sweatshirt, donât want to let him go. He presses his forehead to yours, offers up a million more apologies, starts talking nonsense. Says heâs going to drop microeconomics, what the hell does he know, he barely has a passing grade anyway, what does it matter, heâs such an idiotâ
And then you say, âYou came back,â and nothing else matters.
âI always will.â
(Later on, as youâre trying to steady your breathing, slick with sweat, your thigh thrown over Seungcheolâs hip as he stares down at you, dopey smile on his face, you say, âChoi Seungcheol, donât you dare drop that class. I have worked my ass off to get you to barely-passing.â)
if youâve made it this far thank you so much for reading! i am still very new at writing for seventeen, so i hope this was acceptable. i'm now going to throw myself into the warped tour vernon fic and will hopefully not go another 7+ months without posting anything. đ
i would love to hear your thoughts! <3
#seungcheol x reader#scoups x reader#seungcheol angst#seungcheol au#scoups angst#seungcheol imagines#scoups imagines#seventeen fanfic#seventeen imagines#seventeen x reader#jewel writes
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