#i had so much planned — writing / edits / updating old stuff

[carrionsflower]

[symptomsofdeceit]

Finally back ish!!

I’m back from seeing my friends! It was really wonderful, I had so much fun with them 💕

After getting back things have been busy. I worked my longest shift so far (24 hours - 12 scheduled and 12 where I was on call but worked every hour), then I got sick.

I wanted to get straight back to game development stuff last month, but my laptop is finally starting to die 😅 so it’s time for me to get a new PC!

I’d like to build my own. I’ve never done it before so it’ll take a minute for me to figure everything out! I’ll be building a cute mechanical keyboard to go with it, too. I also bought a new desk with more space, so it’ll take a while for everything to arrive and me to finish my new setup.

While waiting for that I’ve done more writing though! I’m really happy with how the next part of Nalis’s route is going :)

The next update is going to require a lot of new backgrounds 😔 the arcade, a superstore, and 3 point-and-click areas (Nalis’s room, Thaumo’s room, and the lab). BGs are my least favorite things to draw but I’ll do my best!! I’ve been collecting good reference pics while waiting for my PC parts to arrive too.

I’ve changed some parts of the original demo too. I fixed some grammar issues, improved parts of the code now that I’m more familiar with how Ren’Py works, added a new Nalis CG for Nalis’s ending, and added the option to choose your MC’s aquatic animal + profile pic (when texting).

Because the code is different people will need to delete the old version before starting this one. I’ll include a tutorial when I release the next update.

My plan is still for 2 more big updates: the one I’m working on now (with the lab, arcade, and scenes in Nalis & Thaumo’s apartments), then the endings update.

As always I’m so grateful for everyone’s patience! And I hope everyone is doing very well!!

((edit: I wrote + posted this on my lunch break, so I can’t be online for long today! I’m on call from the end of my shift tonight until the beginning of my shift Monday, but if I’m not called much I’d like to be online more this weekend.))

[chimcess]

Waterlog || pjm (4)

Pairing: Jimin x Reader Other tags: Olympic Swimmer!Jimin, Ex Olympic Swimmer! Reader, Swim Coach!Reader Genre: Strangers to Friends to Lovers!AU, Coach!AU, Swimming!AU, HEAVY Angst, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, fluff, eventual smut, I'm so soft for these two it's crazy. Word Count: 11.8k+ Synopsis: After a car accident ends her athletic career, Y/N has slowly started rebuilding her life again as a high school swim coach. That’s until she gets a request from an old friend and finds herself back in the spotlight as the new coach of Olympic swimmer, Park Jimin. Warnings: ANGST, crying, mental health issues, talking about mental health, I'm so soft for them it's actually wild, best boyfriend Jimin, did I say angst????, past drug use, past alcohol addiction, past trauma talk, crying, anxiety, hand holding, touching as a love language, Jimin can't keep his hands to himself, he does try his best though, pining, sexual tension, banter, I love these two A/N: I know we're a couple of weeks late updating, but I've been very busy with moving so I haven't had the energy to write. I did a very quick edit, so this might not be perfect. I'm planning on coming back once I'm in my new place to do a full proofread. Hope you like the update!

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Hand clutching my phone, I sighed. All around me the airport buzzed with life. I had almost forgotten how hectic the Denver Airport was. A few feet away I saw a mother struggling to keep her children together while her husband scrolled on his phone. I must have made some sort of noise, subconsciously voicing my annoyance, because Jimin laughed.

“What’s going on, gran?” He teased, voice light. “See a couple of youngins on your lawn?”

I scoffed, tearing my eyes away from the family. “Just a shitty husband ignoring his children.”

He hissed, sucking in air through his teeth, “The worst kind of dude. Are you alright?”

Softening, I finally spotted my luggage on the conveyor belt. Twisting my torso, I did a light stretch and then quickly snatched the heavy bag up. “Not too anxious, right?”

He had been very worried about letting me come home for a visit. When I had originally brought it up he offered himself up for the job, but I was not a fan of that idea. My friends would definitely bring up our date and I did not want to deal with the awkwardness that would cause. Especially since we had yet to go on it. That would not matter to Hoseok, however, and the teasing would have been endless. Better to spare Jimin from their wrath for just a little while longer.

“I’m cool,” I replied, softening. “Just got my stuff from baggage claim. I’m going to let you go so I can call Andy.”

“Okay bug. See you in a few days.”

Harper had recently started calling me that, forgetting my real name and not caring enough to ask for it. Eloise had tried to scold her for it, but I told her I did not mind it. It caught on with Cameron not too long after that, and soon the entire Park family had started using the little nickname. Jimin thought it was adorable from the beginning but had only started using it after our talk the other night.

I laughed, “I’m going to call you tonight.”

“Aw,” I knew he had that stupid smile on his face. “Miss me that much?”

“Someone needs to make sure you’re staying out of trouble,” I replied, a confident pep in my step I had not had in years. “But yes, I do miss you.”

There was a pregnant pause. 

“I miss you too.”

I could feel my heart melting. I was still getting used to our new dynamic. On most days we were strictly business, and were able to set aside the very large, very apparent elephant in the room. It was not until we had finished with work that those roles dropped, and we were able to just be us. 

Ever since my confession in the car Jimin spoke a hell of a lot more. Apparently, he had a hard time keeping his feelings to himself and chose to talk a little less in order to avoid a slip up. He wanted to give us both a little bit of time to get to know one another before springing his crush on me.

“Going soft, kid?” Playing things off with humor was Jimin’s thing, but it had slowly started to rub off on me. “It’s only two days.”

“I know,” He pouted. “Call your friend. It’s cold and you’ll get sick.”

“Hey,” I cut the teasing tone I had, “You’re not upset I came here by myself, right?”

“No,” He chuckled with an unmistakable fondness. “I’m just messin’ with you. I’m not ready to meet your friends and you need some alone time. We’re good, I promise.”

I sighed in relief, “Okay. Good. I’m going to go now. Talk to you later?”

“Call me when you can,” He replied, voice light.

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye, bug.”

I was disappointed to hear the line go dead but knew I could aimlessly walk around this airport all day if given the chance, so long as he was there with me. Trying to get my thoughts back on track, I sent a text to Andy asking if she was here yet. If not, I was already making plans to call Jimin back.

Andy: I’m parked in 5 near C Gates

Andy: Be careful

Andy: Saw a lady almost get hit by a car just now

Me: See you in a sec

Me: Should I be worried?

I knew she was trying to make a joke, but car accident punchlines never went over all that well with me. Even if I knew the chances of that happening to me were almost zero, I really did not want to have a panic attack in the airport parking lot. 

Andy: Not at all. I’m so sorry for even saying anything. I can come meet you at the doors if you want.

Deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. Deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. Sigh of relief. I was fine. 

Me: I appreciate you

Me: Is babygirl here?

Dani would help the spike of anxiety dissipate. The girl was fearless and was sure to be distracting enough to keep me from paying attention to the oncoming traffic. I suddenly wished that Jimin was here. He always knew what to do.

Andy: Jin and I are weak

Andy: We let her play hooky

Bobbing and weaving through bodies, I tossed my phone into my purse and made my way out of the airport. The arrivals station was packed, and I would need to take the automated train to where Andrea was parked. It was my least favorite part about this airport, but it beat Dallas-Fort Worth by a landslide. I had gotten lost in that airport more times than I could count. 

Three minutes later I was getting out of the train and stepping into C Gates. I could smell Auntie Anne’s and felt my mouth begin to water. Checking my clock, I decided it would not hurt to make a quick spot for lunch. Andy would appreciate it and I knew Dani loved their pretzel dog. 

There was a little less traffic in C Gates. More of the expensive airlines let out here, and all you could see were business professionals pacing back and forth. A family on vacation bumped into me while I was waiting in line, and I almost gave up my spot when their toddler started screaming. 

“No, no,” His mother insisted, her hair a mess on the top of her head. “Between the girls and my mom, we’ll be here all day. Go ahead, sweetie.”

Two little girls danced around me as we waited, the line moving at a snail's pace due to the airport being understaffed. They asked me questions incessantly, and while their mother had tried her best to keep them in line, I told her I was fine with the extra attention. I loved kids and the girls were harmless. The boy in her arms kept repeating “pizza” and soon an elderly woman joined them. 

If the girls talked a lot, they had nothing on grandma. Not only did she never shut her mouth, she was loud and obnoxiously laughing every few seconds. The boy was quick to beg to be in her arms and mom got a break. She was back to attempting to corral the girls, but again they did not really listen. 

“They’re only like this when my mom’s around,” She sighed, frustrated and tired. “We’re meeting up with their father and they’re all a little restless.”

“It’s no bother,” I lied. The girls really were not that bad. Just a couple of four-year-olds having fun. The only person who was really getting on my nerves was her mother, but I was not about to say that. “Better to get it out now than in the car, right?”

She cracked a tired smile, “Right.”

Finally, it was my turn to order. The young girl behind the counter gave me an award-winning smile while another young blonde was in the back getting all of the orders out.

“Hi, welcome to Auntie Anne’s. How can I help you today?”

“Can I get one original pretzel, one cinnamon sugar pretzel, and a pretzel dog combo with a lemonade and cheese,” Glancing behind me, I sighed. “Throw in a pizza pretzel, two orders of pretzel nuggets, and whatever else the family behind me wants.”

She smiled, blue eyes twinkling prettily in the bright lights. Turning around I waved the mother over and told her to get something for her and her mother. She put up a small fight, but eventually gave in when she realized I had already put our orders together.

“Thank you so much,” I thought she might burst into tears when my card was approved. “You really didn’t need to do that.”

I shrugged, “It was nothing. Have a nice vacation.”

Walking to the pickup area, my order was already waiting for me. With nothing more than a simple wave, I left the dysfunctional family behind. The grandmother’s loud thank you seemed to echo off of the airport walls, but it was a little less grating now that I knew I would never hear it again. 

Andy threw herself at me when I finally made it outside, little Dani wrapping her arms around my legs with squeals of delight louder than her mother’s. Taking her pretzel, Andy gave me a fat, wet kiss on the cheek and told Dani she could eat in the car. 

“How’s gymnastics, girlie?” I asked the little girl once we were in the car. “Still kicking ass?”

“No,” She laughed. “I quit, like, forever ago. Appa put me in ballet classes.”

I gave Andy a look. The red head rolled her eyes, fixing me with a knowing look. I had been telling Jin to put her in dance for years.

“It’s been two weeks and she’s already trying to talk him into figure skating.”

“You’re a little hustler, huh?” I reached into the back, squeezing her knee. Dani giggled, angling her body away from mine. She was very ticklish. “Keep at it. You know your dad’s a sucker.”

Dani laughed, “My vovó says the same thing.”

We listened to Olivia Rodrigo on our way to the Kim house. Hoseok and Matilda had planned a huge coming back party for me, and from what it sounded like, I was going to meet Tilly’s new boyfriend. 

“Anything I need to know about Max?” I asked.

Andy was almost as in the dark about the guy as I was but was able to tell me he was a tattoo artist from California. The two of them met at Frank’s bookstore and by the end of their conversation Max had managed to get her out to dinner and in his bed. It was a whirlwind romance, one that made me feel uneasy about its foundation, but I was still obligated to be happy for my friend. They could be soulmates for all I knew, and I was not about to judge anybody else for their version of a first date.

“I don’t want to talk about tattoo guy anymore,” Andy whined playfully, turning up the radio when “Good 4 U” came on. “I need to know more about your little boyfriend.”

I groaned, “He’s not my boyfriend.”

This was why I was so adamant Jimin stayed away. We had yet to have a real talk about what we were, choosing to wait for our first date to iron out those details, but no one in my circle seemed to understand. All they heard was the word date and suddenly wedding bells started going off. 

“Stop deflecting. We both know he’s your boyfriend, official or not,” She laughed, stealing looks at her daughter in the rearview. “What’s he like?”

It was a hard question to answer. On the one hand, I felt like I knew him better than anybody else, but I was self aware enough to know I didn’t. His body language, the way he looked when he beat his best time, and all of his preferred gear were seared into my mind. The movies he liked, his favorite albums, and all of the best tv shows ever made. He went to college. He was the sweetest, kindest, most understanding person I had ever met, and yet… he still felt far away. The shadows that oftentimes clouded his vision were still a mystery to me, and when he came into practice with a lost look on his face, I felt helpless. I knew him and yet I didn’t.

“He’s quiet,” I finally landed on. “Very nice. Always willing to help other people out if he can. You’d like him.”

Andrea scoffed, “That’s it? The first guy you’ve dated in years and all you can tell me is I’d like him?”

“We’re still getting to know each other,” I sighed. “What do you want to know?”

We spent the rest of the car ride going over the last two months' worth of pining. I told her about Fiona, Jimin’s family, and all of my new friends. She almost pissed herself laughing when I told her about the night he asked me out, making so many Hoseok and Tilly jokes I had a difficult time focusing on the story. Andrea seemed to be finished with her interrogation when we pulled up at her house. 

Dani ran to the front door, her excitement about the party making any discomfort I had disappear. It was hard to feel uncomfortable with her around. Taking my hand in hers, the little girl shifted her weight from foot to foot, shouting at her mom to hurry up, and opening the front door anyway. Andy told her to calm down, and I just chuckled and went along with it.

The living room was filled with all of my favorite people, a large ‘welcome home’ sign hanging on the large, backwall. Underneath it was a huge table covered in food, a cake in the middle of it, and I had a feeling Sarah made it. Both her and Frank were the first people to notice me, their faces lighting up, and I let go of Dani’s hand in favor of embracing the elderly couple. The rest of the party comers erupted their voices loud and filled with love as they took turns passing me around. 

“Missed you, Otter,” Hoseok murmured in the crook of my neck, hands secured around my waist.

“Missed you more,” I replied, releasing him and catching Tilly. “Jeez, girl. Trying to kill me?”

“Come meet Max,” She replied, dragging me away from Hoseok.

Max was a tall, lanky guy with black hair that fell down his back. His clothes were on the baggier side, all black, and I recognized the band on his t-shirt from the shit Matilda liked to listen to in the car. He smiled at me, and I was surprised to see him rocking adult braces. He introduced himself, his voice deep and warm, and shook my hand. They were baby soft and covered in tattoos. 

“It’s great to see you,” I replied, genuinely meaning it. If I had to picture a guy more perfect for Tilly, I would come up empty handed. “Thanks for coming.”

He flushed, impossibly pale skin turning a bright shade of red reminding me of Jimin. 

“Anything for Mattie,” He replied.

Huh, he had his own nickname for her and everything. I would need to hang out with Max more before I could say if I liked him or not, but so far, I had a good feeling. Andrea’s worries seemed a bit silly now. They really liked each other, and Tilly’s heartbreaking, dimpled smile made me feel more confident in her partner. They would be just fine. 

The party was fun, and I ate more spinach and artichoke dip than was healthy. Hoseok and I talked about my afterschool visit tomorrow. The boys had a swim meet Saturday and the two of us were hoping we could tag team in order to iron out any issues they had been having. I was being placed in charge of the freshmen while Hoseok made sure the other kids were feeling confident and ready for the meet.

"Let's party!" Frank boomed, lifting a beer into the air.

I laughed, "Be careful, old timer. Don't want you to hurt yourself."

I thought of Jimin again. That sounded like something he would say. Surrounded by the people I loved, I laughed hard and partied harder. The plates of food came one right after the other, and I was happy that I still had a place here. Falling back into my step, I fit seamlessly back into the fold.

"Dance with me," Hoseok demanded, tipsy and red-faced.

"It's your toes," I replied, taking his head and letting him take the lead.

The other couples were already dancing and hooped and hollered as I awkwardly followed the steps. I was not always a bad dancer but lost some of my rhythm in the accident. Hoseok never minded and let me step on his feet without a single complaint.

"You look happy," He commented, spinning me around.

I smiled, "I am."

He smiled back, wincing when I stomped down on his toes again. I apologized, but he just held my hand a little tighter and kept moving. I hummed along to the song, filled with joy. He spun me again, and finally let me go when I slammed into Jin.

"Go get some cake or something," He laughed. "You're too dangerous to be out here."

I rolled my eyes, "I tried to tell you. It's your fault you don't listen."

"Don't need you anyway. I have enough swag for the both of us."

I watched, thoroughly amused from the sidelines, as he moon-walked around the living room.

I left just before midnight after staying behind to help Andy and Jin clean up. The others left a few hours before to get back to Denver at a decent time. My house looked the same as always, dark and empty, but I could tell the landscapers had been around. The grass was recently cut and edged.

The silence inside was deafening. I had always known my place was too big for one person, but after spending so much time in my little she-shed at the Andersons’ house, everything here just felt excessive. Tossing my keys in the bowl beside the door, I wiped my eyes and decided to just head to bed. I would only be here for three days. I would be back in Saline before I knew it.

Dragging my body upstairs, this sudden depression-filled fatigue made my shoulders feel ten times heavier. A chilling, almost insidious, hollowness began to spread across my body. I knew this feeling all too well and it made me feel pathetic. Could I not be on my own anymore? Had I really grown that attached to my life in Michigan? Finally getting into my bedroom, I realized that I had.

Saline was perfect. Living in Colorado Springs has always bothered me. The people here held more traditional values and making friends was difficult. I had Andy and Jin, but they were both very busy people. Andrea was a full-time nurse, Jin’s schedule was somehow even more erratic than his wife’s, and when they were off, they wanted to spend time with Dani. I was lucky if I saw them once every two weeks. 

Hoseok, Tilly, and Minho all lived in Denver, and while I saw them more often due to the meetings with Frank and Sarah dragging me into the city, it was not like we hung out every time I was out there. Days would go by with me speaking at all, and most of my weekends were spent in bed sleeping. Working at the school helped, but I would never claim anyone from the swim team to be a friend. I was not in the habit of befriending children.

Living in Saline was different. Jimin was always there to make me laugh, and when he wasn’t, I had people like Taehyung and Sam to keep me company. Giselle was young, but we got along so well I often forgot about the difference in age between the two of us. Megan and Yoongi were Michigan’s own version of Andy and Jin, and I could see myself becoming good friends with them given enough time. No one had kids, no one was too busy trying to keep up with crazy expenses, and I could find a little house away from the rest of the world to spend my life in.

I thought of the Parks, a family who I had come to love more than I thought was possible, and the Andersons who took me in and always tried to make me feel comfortable. Eloise and her kindness. Luna and Cameron. All of them. I loved and adored every single one of them, and it was then that I finally let myself really think about what I wanted.

Did I want to come back here after I was finished with the season? Did I really want this massive house if it meant I had no one to share it with? No, I decided. Stripping out of my clothes, the numbness was being replaced with a different strange feeling. It felt suspiciously like hope. Excitement came to me so rarely it was foreign and odd, but nice all the same. Jittery, I took my phone out of my pants pocket.

“Hello?” Jimin’s voice was scratchy when he finally picked up.

“Sorry,” I muttered. “Did I wake you up?”

“Yes, but it’s okay,” I could hear him shuffling around in his bed. “Did you have fun?”

“Yeah,” I breathed, climbing into bed. Then, without thinking, I blurted, “I think I want to move to Michigan.”

I held my breath as I waited for his response. There was no telling how this conversation would go, but I was hopeful. Even if this whole date thing did not go very well, I was positive that we would be able to move past it with a little bit of time. We worked well together and if he was comfortable with it then we could continue working together. Regardless, there was always coaching at a school.

“Like, permanently?”

I nodded but after a moment of silence remembered he could not see me.

“Yeah.”

My stomach started to churn. As the silence on the other end began to stretch, the excitement I felt before faded. Even if I said Jimin and I could get past a potentially awkward break up of sorts, I would not pretend that the thought did not make me physically ill. We would never be the same if that happened. It would be something to think about if it came to pass before the Olympics was over.

“Did something happen?” He finally asked, and I could hear the genuine worry in his tone. “Are you okay?”

The fear shifted to hurt, irritation, and anger, making my eyebrows knit together.

“I’m fine,” I could not keep the bite from my voice. It was petty and wrong of me, but his insinuation that I was not in my right mind was insulting. It made me feel like a child. “Just- forget I said anything. I don’t know what I’m even talking about.”

“Don’t do that,” His steady calmness made me even angrier. “I’m only asking you because it came out of the blue, not because I’m not happy with the idea.”

Now I just felt silly. Here I was making these small revelations, waking him up from his sleep, and then getting snippy because he did not respond the way I had wanted him to. Ugh, I wasn’t even his girlfriend yet and I’m acting like Darcy. A shiver went down my spine. That was an insult above all others.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured, the attitude from a few seconds before gone as quickly as it came. “I got defensive for no reason. Sorry.”

He chuckled, the sound barely audible over the phone.

“I forgive you. Now, why do you want to pack your life up for good?”

That made me laugh. It was a sad, pitiful sound. One that did not hold my usual spunk. One I don’t think Jimin had ever heard before. It was impossible to feel sad when he was around.

“I forgot how quiet my house is,” I admitted softly. “I love my friends, but I think coming back just reminded me of how easily I was able to fall back into the routine of it all. Jin and Andy are parents, Tilly has a new boyfriend, and Hoseok and Minho are always so busy with their own lives that I don’t see any of them as often as I would like to.”

Turning on my side, I blinked back a few tears.

“It might sound stupid, but I really do love Saline. I like how busy I am and all of my friends. I bought this place with the hopes of kids and a dog one day, but I don’t think that’ll ever happen, and now it’s just rooms collecting dust. I just-” I let a tear fall, my emotions starting to bubble over. “I don’t like how lonely it feels out here.”

“Doesn’t sound like you like it there. Have you always felt like this?” He asked.

I shook my head, the tears free falling in between sniffles and shaky breaths.

“Not always. Ever since Namjoon died things have been weird. There was a point when I felt suffocated because no one would leave me alone, and then one day everything resumed, and I just got left behind. It was like I woke up and two years just passed me by.”

Jimin comforted me while I cried, telling me how much he hated to hear me so upset, while I worked on calming down. There had been a time in my life when I was not so emotional, but therapy had opened up a whole new side of myself I didn't know existed. Rubbing my face, I sniffled and sank deeper into my mattress. For now, the waterworks had stopped.

“You were recovering,” He soothed. “Your body needed time to heal, and you were traumatized. I don’t think anyone can blame you for zoning out for a bit.”

I hummed, “I know. Doesn’t make it easier to swallow.”

“I know how you feel. When I pulled out of the Olympics last time there was a part of me that felt like a huge failure, but my dad was there to help get my head back on straight. He doesn’t seem like it, but he’s a really great shoulder to cry on.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” My voice was like sandpaper. “James is the sweetest person I’ve ever met.”

I felt heavy. Worn. Used. My eyes begged for me to shut them, but we were just getting back into safer waters, and I didn’t want to burst the bubble. I yawned, covering my mouth and hoping Jimin could not hear the sound. He had gone quiet.

“Can I ask you something?” Jimin’s voice broke through the comfortable silence that had formed around us. “You don’t have to say anything.”

“Shoot,” I forced myself to smile.

“What happened to Namjoon?”

I closed my eyes. This was something I knew would come up sooner or later. My lip wobbled uncontrollably as the second wave of tears crashed over me. I hated talking about this, but I knew it was going to come up sooner or later. Jimin deserved the truth, and honestly, I wanted to tell him. Being vulnerable with someone felt good. Being vulnerable with Jimin was divine. He was always so ready and willing to go along with things, listening and watching my every move, and trying his best to understand me. It was refreshing. It was nice. It was familiar.

“Was he in the accident with you?” He asked and his voice was so, so gentle. 

“Yeah,” I croaked, finally finding my voice. “I went out with some of my friends and got pretty drunk. I was tired and ready to go home, but my ride didn’t want to go home yet. So, I called Joon.”

I sucked in a deep, loud breath. Jimin told me I could stop, that I didn’t owe him anything, but I ignored him. This wasn’t about owing him. This was about letting the guy I liked get to know me. This story was a part of who I was, as fucked up as that may sound, and I wanted him to get to know this facet of my life as deeply as he knew the present day one. 

“Anyway,” I continued. “He offered to come and pick me up. Twenty minutes later I’m getting into his car and we’re on our way home. We’d just gotten engaged and bought our first house together- things were perfect. I had never been happier.

“We ended up taking the long way home because of an accident on the interstate. It was my idea, and Namjoon had a knack for going along with whatever I wanted. We were only two minutes away from the house when we got hit.”

I took a few deep breaths and wiped my face. Jimin was quiet on the other end. After a minute or two, I jumped back into the story.

“There was a four-way intersection around the corner from our place. Our light was green when we drove up. I don't think he thought to check if there was another car coming. He never even saw the truck. He, uh, died on impact.”

“Jesus,” Jimin breathed.

“The other guy was drunk as hell behind the wheel. Not paying attention. Funny thing is, he was the only person who didn’t get critically injured. Just a broken arm and a concussion. He wrapped our car around a light pole. My leg was pinned between the car and the light, and the airbag is what caused the brain injury.”

Jimin cursed under his breath, “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry that happened to you.”

“Yeah,” I gritted out. “Me too.”

He let me cry for a little while, saying over and over again how sorry he was and how he wished he was in Colorado with me. I did not have anything to say to him. It felt like my chest had been ripped open and my heart was on full display. 

I never questioned how quickly we went from barely talking, to joking around, to sitting up late at night on the phone talking about life. It just happened. Clutching my phone in my hand, I let out a deep breath and held back any more tears from falling. I never said it, but I wished he was here, too.

“Hey,” His voice was gentle when he spoke, so fragile and sweet, that I had to force down the sobs threatening to come out. “I just want to say I’m sorry for how I reacted earlier. You wanting to move here is probably the best thing I’ve heard all fucking year, but I just didn’t want to sway your decision.”

Sniffling, I tried to tell him I wasn’t upset, but he shut me down almost immediately.

“Let me finish,” His voice did not leave room for argument. “I know I don’t act like I’m insecure, but I am. I can be selfish and self-centered, and I’ve always had to really work on those parts of myself.”

“I don’t understand what that has to do with anything,” I mumbled, curling into a ball beneath my blankets. 

“Like I said, I can be a very selfish person,” He sighed. “There was this part of my brain just wanting to hear you say you were coming here and staying with me for forever. I didn’t want that to take over the narrative. And- no offense, but if you did move all the way out here just to date me, I think I’d be a little creeped out honestly.”

I snorted. Hearing that he felt the need to explain any of that to me felt like a small win, even if it did make an alarm go off in my head. It took courage to be that open and honest with another person, especially someone who just cried their eyes out. His compassion and understanding never failed to amaze me, and I was grateful he trusted me enough to let me into his mind for once. Still, it did not make the creep comment any less funny.

“Don’t laugh,” He whined, unable to stop himself from chuckling. “I’m being serious.”

“So do you want me to be a creepy stalker or not?” I joked, hoping to lighten up the mood. “Make up your mind, kid.”

“I think I just want you to be yourself,” I melted. “That’s been working out just fine so far. I mean, if you are a creepy stalker, you managed to get me to like you.”

“Mission accomplished,” I breathed, still reeling from his sweet words. “You better watch out, 007. There’s a new spy in town.”

“So, I’m Bond and you’re Joe Goldburg?”

“Exactly,” My cheeks hurt from how much I was smiling. “Penn Badgley would be a decent James Bond. He was really great in Margin Call.”

I bit my lip, trying to suppress my smile.

“Holy shit, you actually watched it?”

Margin Call was one of Jimin's favorite movies from 2011. He kept a very large notebook filled with all of the movies he’s ever seen, along with ratings, and if he should ever watch them again. He went through it one day and came across the action film, rewatched it, and then spent most of the day talking my ear off about how great it is. 

“Someone I know was very passionate about it, and it managed to pique my curiosity.”

Jimin sighed, but I could not tell what emotion was behind it. Definitely was not anger or frustration. Not sadness either. 

 “What time are you getting back on Sunday?” He asked, and I could definitely hear the affectionate tone his voice had taken on.

“Um,” I thought about it for a moment. “Six, I think.”

“PM?” 

“Yeah,” I curled up under my blankets. It was beginning to get really cold inside, but I did not want to get up to turn the heat on. “I have to double check my flight times, but I know it’s somewhere around there. Why? What’s up?”

“I know we already made plans for next week, but I was thinking I could pick you up from the airport and we could go out.”

My face grew hot, “I don’t think I’ll be dressed for a date.”

“You always look great,” He assured me.

I laughed, nervous and embarrassed, “Thanks.”

We had originally planned our first date to be the weekend after I got back. Jimin was adamant about giving me an experience, and I had been more than happy to indulge him a little. He was just so cute when he got excited. We were running on a limited timeline right now, though, since he had an upcoming swimming fundraiser with Swim Across America in Allendale. The team was raising money for cancer research, and I was very excited to be there to show my support.

Moving the date up meant we would have less to do next weekend, unless Jimin still wanted to keep our plans in place, but it meant we could focus on the fundraiser instead of trying to juggle a date at the same time. 

“I hate to go, but I’m really tired,” Jimin yawned. Pulling my phone away from my ear I was startled by how late it was. “I’ll text you in the morning, okay?”

I apologized for keeping him up so late. “Promise I won’t do it again.”

He hummed, already beginning to fall asleep, “Don’t mind. You’re always welcome to bother me in the middle of the night.”

“Night Jimin,” I whispered, blood pumping.

“Night bug.”

There was one thing I missed about Colorado- how quickly the snow melted. Michigan was seeing more snow as each day went by, but here in the mountains they would not start seeing the worst of it until the spring. For the first time in a month, I was able to forgo my large, puffy jacket in favor of a long sleeve and jeans. Jimin found my excitement over this endearing, sending a slew of heart-eye emojis in response to the mirror photo I sent him.

It was almost the end of the day when I pulled into the high school parking lot. The entire front office erupted in excitement when I walked through the front doors, hugs and well wishes overwhelming me. Sandra, the receptionist, could have talked all day if I let her, and after signing in, I politely told them all I needed to meet up with Coach Jung. I lied about stopping by on my way out and only felt a little bad about it. They were way too much for me.

“They’re going to be so excited to see you,” Hoseok mumbled, a smile stretching across his face as loud teenage boys got closer and closer to the pool house. 

“I’m happy to see them, too,” I replied. “Should we wait until they change to make the grand reveal?”

He shook his head. “Would you rather hug now or when they’re in speedos.”

I shivered, disgusted by the mental image.

“Thanks for putting that in my head, you sick fuck.”

Choking on his spit, Hoseok bent over, laughing so hard he started to screech. His laughter reminded me of a ghost's wail and was contagious. We were both so wrapped up in our little bubble we did not notice the doors opening.

“Coach?”

Wiping my cheeks, I caught my breath and made eye contact with Jordan. Baby blue eyes widened while a large, dimple smile overtook his face. Behind him, Gabriel announced that I was here, and the room was filled with excitement. I was not much of a hugger, but I was happy to greet each boy with one. Gabriel hadn’t stopped speaking since catching sight of me and had a few accidental slip ups about how much he disliked Coach Jung.

Hoseok had alluded to that being their main issue right now. The boys were having a hard time adjusting to a new face and missed me dearly. To his credit, Hoseok admitted that he was still getting used to the coaching thing and made a couple mistakes his first few days here. He had made it a point to apologize to them for being a dick, but the teens hadn’t forgotten or forgiven him for his snappy attitude. Especially the two oldest.

“When are you coming back?” Marcus asked. 

I smiled sadly, “I’ll be out for the rest of the year.” The tall boy deflated, sending a nasty look Hoseok’s way. “But,” I was quick to fix my mistake, “I’m planning on making trips to assist Coach Jung throughout the year. I wanted to be here for your last meet, but something came up.”

That something had been Jimin’s birthday, and I was not going to risk missing his party.

Regardless, Marcus and the team were very happy to hear they would be seeing me. 

“I promise I’ll be here for graduation, too,” I added.

Gabriel offered to give me one of his tickets and I gratefully accepted the extended offer. We stood there and talked for at least fifteen minutes before I finally told them to get changed and into the water. Without protest, all twelve of them went to the locker room.

“You know,” Hoseok chuckled. “You're going to have to teach me how you manage to do that.”

“Cinnamon buns from Mountain Shadows,” I put on my whistle and grabbed my clipboard from my duffel bag. “They’ll be eating out of your hand in no time.”

The team was glowing. Jordan stood in the middle of the boys, a large smile on his face, as he praised them for giving the meet their best effort. Having another win under their belt, all of them were buzzing with excitement at a chance at nationals. They only needed to win three more competitions to qualify. 

For the first time since I arrived, the icy contempt they held for Hoseok seemed to thaw. It brought a smile to my face. If I did not come back next year, I had a feeling the boys would be getting along much better. 

“What’s for dinner?” Marcus asked, looking at me for an answer.

“Coach said something about burgers,” I replied, gesturing towards Hoseok. “You should ask him though. I could be wrong.”

Gabriel chimed in, “Yeah, we’re going to Bingo.”

My mouth watered. Bingo Burger was one of the best spots in town. Their fries were hot and crispy, and I loved their shakes. Mulling over my options for dinner, I always found myself stuck between the Gone Shroomin’ Burger and the Happy Hippie. For a vegan burger, that thing was really fucking good. Then again, a thick, juicy beef patty smothered in bacon, cheese, and mushrooms would hit the spot. Indecisive and bored, I fiddled around with my phone and somehow ended up texting Jimin.

Me: Gone Shroomin’ or Happy Hippie?

The noise on the bus was just in the background now and easy to tune out. Hoseok was laughing loudly with the freshmen while the two seniors were in a quiet conversation in the seat in front of me. Marcus and his girlfriend broke up recently. I stopped paying attention once my phone vibrated.

Jimin: No idea what that means

Jimin: Gone Shroomin I guess

I bit my lip, suppressing a smile.

Me: We’re going for celebration burgers

Me: The boys won and Hobi is treating them since we’re out in Pueblo and not getting back to the Springs until after dinner.

Jimin: Speaking of food… I was thinking we could get some BBQ on Sunday

“Y/N!” Hoseok called, making me look up from my phone. “Tell your boyfriend you’ll call him later.”

“We need you to be the tiebreaker,” Twig chirped.

“What for?” I sighed, glancing down at my screen.

Jimin: Have you been to Union Rec yet? It’s BBQ and a taqueria

Me: No but I’m always down for a burrito

“Do mermaids have gills?” Twig asked.

Fully pulled out of my phone, I flipped it around and gave the boys my undivided attention. 

“Of course not. They’re mammals, so it would be a blowhole.”

Hoseok clapped his hands, “Thank you! That’s exactly what I said.”

Sliding further down in the booth, I closed my eyes and drowned them out again. Colorado’s air was so dry and crisp I was having to get used to the altitude change. I missed how wet and cold Michigan was. Smiling to myself, I remembered how much I hated it when I first landed. So much has changed…

Shuffling, I made myself more comfortable. We were only thirty minutes out from the Springs now, and we would be at Bingos right on time for Hoseok’s reservations. Feeling myself growing tired, I sunk even further into the booth. Eyes heavy, I let them slip closed, and slept for the rest of the bus ride.

Standing in front of my bathroom mirror, I smoothed down my skirt for the millionth time. The gray sweater I had thrown on seemed too casual now that I was looking at myself, but I did not know what else to do. It was a laundry day, but when I went to put my clothes in the dryer it refused to turn on. Violet said they needed a new one anyway, but that did little to improve my mood. The pretty red dress I wanted to wear was soaking wet and hanging from the shower rod to dry. I played with the skin on my lip, willing the black and gray outfit to somehow look nicer. On the other side of the phone, Andy sighed.

“You look fine,” She insisted, running her hand through her auburn hair. “Do a cute hairstyle and put on a nice pair of earrings, and you’ll be golden.”

“You don’t think it’s too plain?” I had asked her this five times now, and each time I got that same reply. “I mean, do I look like I’m going to a funeral?”

“The guy has seen you in sweats and no makeup and still wanted to take you out. Do you honestly think he cares about the color of your outfit?”

She had a point. Finally deciding to cave in and give up on my obsession, I took her advice to do something with my hair. A few of the strands were beginning to look silver, and my sideburns were looking paler every day, but after Hoseok told me he was starting to see a few grays, I decided to leave them be. If we were both going to be silver foxes, I liked the idea of doing it together.

“Are you wearing heels?”

“No,” I shook my head. I picked my phone up and went to my bedroom to find a pair of earrings. “It’s too icy. Silver or gold?”

She thought about it for a second, her face scrunched up cutely. 

“Silver.”

I landed on some thick, gun-metal hoops. They matched the color of the sweater perfectly and did not take away from my face too much. I had spent too much time on looking this nice to have an accessory dominate. Andy was happy with my choice.

I had gotten back a little earlier than I originally thought I would, and asked Jimin if it was okay that I meant him at the restaurant out here instead of making him drive all the way to Detroit to pick me up. He had put up a bit of a fight about it but relented when I said I was hoping we could hang out at his house after dinner. I said I wanted to get myself home, but I was really trying to see how bad the drive was from his place to mine. The thought of spending more time in his space made me feel like a teenage girl.

“How’s ballet going?” I slipped on a pair of black tights. It was freezing outside, and I wanted to have as many layers on as possible. “Has Dani made any progress in getting her figure skating career started?”

Andrea laughed but said that her daughter was getting closer to her goal every day. Jin was weak and did anything the little girl wanted if he could. This was the only issue they were both bull-headed about. Jin wanted to teach her to be responsible and follow through on things, and Dani was tired of preparing for figure skating. She wanted to be on the ice and her dad was afraid of pushing her too far too young. I was most definitely a team Dani instigator, and it was a point of contention between Seokjin and I.

“What did you think of Max?”

I smiled. That boy was definitely a character. The gang and I had a nice dinner before I left Colorado, and Tilly brought along Mr. Tattoo guy. He was quiet and when he did talk, he always had something completely random and out of the blue to say. He fascinated me and when everyone started huddling in their own groups to chat, I turned most of my attention to the new guy. 

He was a sweetheart, and it was a nice change of pace getting to know him. He hated being called Peter (his first name), went to college for nuclear engineering, and became a tattoo artist on a whim. A buddy of his wanted a new piece, paid Max to draw it, and trusted the guy with a tattoo gun. He was an apprentice in San Francisco for three years before moving to Denver to open up his own shop. For all of his eccentricity, he was very successful and down to Earth.

“He’s good for her,” I finally replied, zipping up my Doc Martens, I checked the time. I would have to leave soon. “I’m just happy there’s no drama between her and Hobi.”

It had been a year since they officially broke up, but I knew they fell into bed with one another a handful of times since then. Hoseok and I had talked about their weird relationship on one too many drunken nights, the swimmer the only person able I liked enough to force a glass of whiskey down. Tilly knew that I knew and would vent to me sometimes. They loved each other, knew one another better than anybody else, and it was easy to fall back into each other since we were in the same circle.

 I doubted Andy knew anything about that, we tried our best to keep her out of the loop, but she always said that they still had lingering feelings. I hoped Hoseok was handling this news well. He seemed fine, happy even, so I just rolled with it. If he had a problem, I was sure I would have heard about it by now.

“Speaking of Hoseok,” The humorous tone in Andy’s voice caught my full attention. “Apparently, Jin saw him at The Rabbit Hole with some blonde girl before you got into town. He just remembered to tell me last night.”

This was news to me. Wracking my brain, I tried to figure out if he had brought up a date, or even a person he might be interested in, but nothing came up. Shrugging, I let it go. It was probably just some girl he picked up at the bar. Still, that would be an expensive date.

“He hasn’t told me anything about that,” I murmured.

“Might be why he’s not bothered by new boyfriend.”

I laughed, “Or it could be that they’ve moved on.”

“Oh, please,” She pulled a face, eyes rolling to the back of her head. “We all know that’s not true. At least, not until recently.”

“Regardless,” I sighed, grabbing my purse and walking out of the front door. “It’s none of our business. If they’re happy that’s all that matters.”

Andy raspberried, “Boo. I hate it when you’re all mature and adult-like.”

“And right,” I joked. “Don’t forget about that part.”

Locking up my little house, I made my way through the Anderson’s. Violet was watching the Golden Girls on the couch while Calvin was reading a book beside her. It was a sweet scene that made me smile. I wanted what they had. 

I gave them a smile and wave as I passed by. Violet returned it in full, her eyes kind and gentle, before going back to her show. Calvin put his book down and asked what time I was planning on coming back. He wanted to keep an eye out for my car.

“Around midnight,” I replied, moving my phone away from my mouth. Andrea was rambling about the new doctor on staff. I trusted her disdain enough to know he was a huge dick. “See you two tomorrow.”

“Be safe out there,” He replied, going back to his copy of The Catcher and the Rye.

Andy and I were on the phone for the entire car ride into Ann Arbor. I enjoyed hearing her voice, the small distraction welcome when I felt my anxiety spike. Thankfully it was a Sunday night, and the streets were somewhat empty.

Once I got into the downtown area, I drowned out her voice completely. Andrea never minded. She just kept talking like I hadn’t stepped out of whatever conversation we were just having. Never got mad when I kept asking her to repeat herself either. She was a wonderful friend to me, and I was grateful to have her in my life. If I moved to Saline, she would be the person I missed the most.

I still hadn’t talked to anyone else about the possibility of moving. I was not sure how they would react, and I needed to have my mind made up before giving any of them the news. While I knew Andy and Jin would be supportive, and Tilly and Minho wouldn’t really care all that much (it just gave them an excuse to vacation in Michigan), it was Hoseok I was most on the fence about.

With him it could go either way. He would either be really happy and supportive or call me crazy. It came from a place of love, and I respected his opinion more than any of the others, so I had to be completely sure of myself before getting into something like that with him. If he thought for a second I was rushing into things he would go into overprotective, big brother mode and kill all of my excitement. He might even be able to change my mind if he fought hard enough. 

Pulling up to the restaurant, I was impressed by the sheer size of it. One half looked like an old warehouse while the other half was a small, white bricked building. A red neon sign glowed in the night and a large party was hanging out outside of the building. I could see Jimin in their little group and smiled. He was a very popular man in this area and was able to make new friends wherever he went. If I had to guess, he knew someone and is now best friends with all of them.

“Hey, I just got to the restaurant. I’m going to let you go.”

“Okay, baby,” Andy replied. “Have fun. Talk to you later.”

“Text you when I get home,” I replied. 

Andy was as hypervigilant about getting texts as I was. She was on staff at the hospital when Namjoon and I first arrived. I can’t remember anything from that night after getting in Joon’s car, but when Jin and I spoke about it he said Andy was one of the nurses having to help triage me. She had to be physically pulled away from my body once the doctors found out about our connection, but the image of my body that night is burned into her mind. She was the person who took care of me the most upon release and quit her job at the hospital for a little while in order to make sure I was well taken care of. Calls and texts were just our thing now and I always felt horrible for being part of such a traumatic event for her.

“Love you,” She said.

“Love you too,” I replied, hanging up.

Getting out of my car, I locked the doors and made my way over to Jimin. He caught sight of me before I reached the small group and broke out into a huge, heart stopping smile. Unable to stop myself, I smiled back and waved awkwardly. He said something to the group before meeting me halfway. 

“Hey, you,” He said, wrapping his arms around me. “You look really pretty.”

I laughed nervously, squeezing his waist. “Thanks. I tried my best.”

Pulling away, I was able to admire him a bit better. He was wearing light jeans tonight, a rarity as he preferred sweatpants and slacks, and a black t-shirt. A leather jacket was a staple in his wardrobe, and he always said they kept him warm enough. I never believed him. As always, everything was a tight fit and showed off his body perfectly. 

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” I said once my appraisal was finished. “Nice boots. Where’d you get them?”

He looked down at the black, Chelsea boots and shrugged, “Nordstrom, I think. Taehyung got them for me a few Christmases ago.”

Of course he did.

“Let’s go inside. I’m cold.”

Jimin laughed, “My apologies, ma’am.”

The restaurant was packed, but Jimin had arrived thirty minutes early to get us on their waitlist, so I only had to wait five minutes for our table to be ready. Jimin brushed off the gesture as first date etiquette, but I knew better. The kid was late to everything and yet he got here early so I wouldn’t have to stand outside in the cold. It almost made me reach out and hold his hand, but my nerves got the best of me. We were at our table before I could gather up some courage, leaving a disappointed, bitter taste in my mouth.

“I’m feeling Disco Fries as an app. You?”

Searching the menu for them, I nodded. “That sounds really good.”

We were quiet for a few minutes as we decided on what we wanted. The menu here was rather large, filled with Mexican foods and copious BBQ items. Having never been here before I had no clue what was good and what hasn’t, but from how many people were here I had to assume nothing was bad.

“Know what you want?” Jimin asked, breaking the silence.

I shook my head, “No idea. What about you?”

“I get the same thing every time I come,” He laughed. “The Korean BBQ Burger is really fucking good. I also like the enchiladas.”

Finding both items, my mouth watered. Everything sounded amazing, but I wanted to get a little out of my comfort zone. I just had burgers yesterday, so I was not feeling that. Maybe BBQ? Looking at the options, I shook my head. I could not eat a half pound of anything. Biting the dry skin on my lips, my brain felt like it was working on overdrive. Too many options.

“Welcome to Union Rec,” I jumped a little, startled. “I’m Annie and I’ll be your server tonight.”

My eyes locked with a pair of baby blues, and I immediately recognized her. She was the brunette from the bar a couple of months ago. Eyes sliding from me, she landed on Jimin and the bored expression on her face morphed into one of pure bliss. I did not understand why she had given me that nasty look back then, but it was much clearer to me now. She had a thing for Jimin. Remembering she had a boyfriend, one she screamed at over the phone, it made me feel nauseous. Poor Tom.

“Oh my gosh, Christian. What are you doing here?” She asked, sneaking a look at me.

“Got a hot date,” He replied cheekily, gesturing his hand my way. “You remember Y/N, right?”

She gave me one of those tight-lipped, fake smiles. I returned the favor. I was not really jealous per say, Jimin’s declaration making any possibility of that disappear, but I did not appreciate anyone trying to make me feel small. I was a gold medalist. I was a fucking Olympian. Whoever the hell this chick thought she was, I would make sure she never thought for a second she got under my skin. 

“Yeah, we met at Brecon’s,” Annie replied, completely ignoring me. “Thought she was your coach.”

Jimin either did not catch the insult or he was choosing to ignore it. His smile was still just as pleasant as it was when we first sat down. I envied his ability to keep his emotions so controlled. I knew I must have been glaring at the poor girl.

“She is,” He shrugged. “Doesn’t mean she’s not my girlfriend. Are you taking our order or…?”

Annie spluttered for a second before regaining her composure. All affection in her eyes was gone and replaced by irritation. It was definitely directed at me, but Jimin’s dismissal must have stung. I was happy to be rid of her. Putting in our order for Disco fries, Jimin got a Sprite and Annie left before I could ask for a drink. Sipping on my complimentary water, I forced myself to breathe in and out. She was just a petty, annoyed girl with a crush. That was all. So, what if she was being rude? I was fine. Everything was fine. After the fifth sip, I actually believed it.

Trying to keep my tongue in check, I went back to looking through the menu. Finally able to make a choice, I decided on the birria beef ramen and closed the menu. Hopefully little miss Annie wouldn’t spit in it. Hot again, I took another long sip of water.

“Excuse me.”

Jimin flagged down another waiter, a pleasant smile on his face. Confused, I put down the glass and raised an eyebrow. He winked at me before laying the charm on thick. 

“Hey Marty. Would you mind if we got a different server?”

The young girl nodded frantically, “Of course. Is everything okay?”

Jimin smiled, eyes like crescents. “Everything is fine. Just Annie on her bullshit. Don’t want to get her fired by talking to your dad.”

Marty rolled her eyes, “Figures. I’ll tell her I’m taking care of you guys. Just don’t expect me to be running around for you, man. I have an entire section by myself.”

“I want privacy anyway,” Jimin replied, smirking at me. “Thanks. I’ll tip you well.”

She laughed, “Just make sure you put it in my hand. That bitch has been stealing tips. Cosette is trying to convince pops to fire her, but you know how he is about the girl.”

Jimin shook his head, “I already know. Can you get my girl a drink? Annie ran off without taking her order.”

Marty looked at me, her deadpan stare making me burst into laughter. Apparently, it wasn’t just me. That helped. 

“Sorry about her. She’s a massive bitch. What can I get you?”

I smiled, my mood a million times better, “Iced tea, please.”

“You got it, babe. You ready to order?”

Marty took our orders and promised to be back with my drink soon. 

“How do you two know each other?” I asked Jimin, finishing off my water.

“We were in the same class back in high school. Her mom owns that flower shop on Michigan Avenue.”

That was surprising. I was positive the girl was no older than eighteen. She reminded me of a porcelain doll, her chubby cheek and big eyes adding something angelic to her overall look. Then again, Jimin did not look all that old either. It was easy to forget he just turned 24. The age gap was really messing with my brain.

Annie was back with Jimin’s drink a few minutes later. She said nothing when she practically slammed his cup on the table before stalking off. It was then that I knew who she reminded me of. Darcy. I wondered if they were friends. Definitely had the same attitude problem, that was for sure.

“Ignore her,” Jimin told me once she was out of earshot. “I’ve been doing it since middle school.”

The rest of our dinner went back without a hitch. With Annie out of the way, and Marty’s small and infrequent check-in’s, we were able to be in a bubble of sorts. He asked about my trip back home and filled me in on what happened over the weekend. He had finally told his parents about our date and said that his mom thought it was a great idea. James called me perfect a few times, too. I had a hard time believing it, but Jimin had never lied to me before. It was nice to know the people around him accepted me even if I was a few years older.

“My mom’s 9 years older than my dad,” He revealed in between bites of food.

Shocked, I stopped eating all together. I had no idea they were that different in age. Ne-Yeon looked so youthful and pretty it was hard to guess just how old she actually was. Even fighting cancer, that woman did not look a day over 40. James was also in great shape for his age. To hear they had their own age gap made me feel a little bit better. 

“Wait,” Something else occurred to me. “Your mom was in her forties when she had you?”

Jimin nodded, “45. She had Haru at 48.”

It made sense to me now. To Jimin, our age gap was nothing special. It was smaller than his parents’, and having an older mother did not bother him at all. In his eyes, we had all of the time in the world for marriage and kids. A small weight came off of my shoulders. It really did not mean anything to him. He was not just saying that to make me feel better either. 

“Do you want dessert?” He asked, his plate empty in front of him. 

I was almost done with my bowl, “What do they have?”

He squinted his eyes, thinking.

“I know they have this horchata banana pudding. It’s literally the best dessert I’ve ever had in my life. There are a few other things, but I can’t remember what they are.”

I chuckled, “Then we’ll have the banana pudding.”

Jimin was not exaggerating either. The pudding was delicious. I almost wished we had each gotten our own serving, but after seeing the bill we were happy we hadn’t. Jimin paid this time. We had a back-and-forth deal when it came to meals. I got us breakfast last Wednesday, so he was picking up this bill. This was, unfortunately, much higher than Denny’s.

“I’ll put gas in your truck,” I offered on our way out. “To make up for the difference from Denny’s.”

He scoffed, “Don’t worry about it.”

“But-”

“We’re together now,” He interrupted me. “If I want to pay for a meal, then I will. You don’t have to pay me back.”

“We’ve always done that,” I argued.

“That was before,” He countered, walking me to my car door and opening it. “This is now. And right now, I’m trying to take a pretty girl, in a pretty dress, on a nice date. That includes paying for her meal.”

Getting into my seat, I pointed out that I let him do the gentleman thing all of the time. Opening my door for me, pulling chairs out at restaurants, and even walking on the curbside when we were out together. The list was endless. The least I could do was pay for half of a meal.

“I don’t do those things to get on your good side,” Jimin replied. “I do them because I want to. This isn’t transactional. So, stop worrying about being a burden. I enjoy taking care of you. You deserve to be taken care of.”

I could not think of a good enough comeback, so I just decided to drop it. If he wanted to pay for me then he could. It was his money to spend. 

“Send me your address.”

“You still want to come over?” He seemed surprised.

“Yeah,” I nodded, already pulling up the GPS. “What is it?”

He sounded like Charlie when he won the golden ticket as he gave me his address. 

“Don’t get too excited now,” I joked. “Just because I’m coming over doesn’t mean anything.”

Jimin laughed, “I pretend I don’t even know what sex is until after date three, so don’t worry about it.”

That made me laugh, “Get in your truck. I’ll meet you there.”

Looking back at him, I felt giddy. His eyes were so alight, his joy written so clearly across his face it took my breath away. A happy Jimin was the only kind I wanted to see. Blowing caution to the wind, I finally reached out. Touching his stomach, I felt the muscles clench beneath my fingers.

“Thank you,” I said earnestly.

“What for?” He rasped, placing one hand over mine, pressing my hand further into his skin. 

“For-” I broke off, taking my hand away. The feeling of him underneath me was too much. “For being so accommodating. I really appreciate it.”

He laughed, the sound strained and airy. I was too embarrassed by my actions to look at his face, but I could feel his eyes burning into the side of my eyes. Unlike me, Jimin was always brave. Hopefully some of that confidence would rub off on me. Maybe then I could reach out and hold him whenever I wanted to. 

“You’re welcome,” He replied, and my thighs clenched together at how rough he sounded. Did touching him do that? Or was it the praise? It could be both. “Drive safe, okay? You can follow me if that helps.”

I nodded, swallowing. The icy air outside did nothing to put out the blistering heat coursing between us right now. It was overwhelming how hot it was. Turning up my A/C, I pointed the vent directly at my face.

“See you in a few minutes,” I breathed, still unable to look at him.

Jimin closed my door, and I leaned back in my seat breathing heavily. I watched him as he rounded the front of my car, those pants sticking to his legs like a second skin and groaned. I had never felt this level of desire for anyone before. 

He reminded me so much of Namjoon. His beautiful brain and love for music and poetry so reminiscent it managed to bring me back to happier times. In the beginning I was afraid my attraction to him stemmed from that link. Because he reminded me of something I had loved so dearly that meant what I was beginning to feel was just a projection.

I was wrong. So unbelievably wrong. Jimin had a passion that Joon could never replicate. If Joon was a warm blanket, then Jimin was like the tide in the sea. On the surface it was calm, steady, and beautiful. Underneath that was life like nothing I had ever seen before. He was refreshing and filled with this fire for life that reminded me of my own from years ago.

Namjoon was perfect, a boy-next-door, and soft spoken. Back then I had enough of that passion for the both of us. Now I saw more and more parallels between us than ever before. I was uncertain, waiting for someone else to bring excitement back into my life, too afraid to reach out and take what I wanted anymore.

And then Jimin was there with that big smile willing to take me on whatever adventure I desired. All I had to do was ask. It was exhilarating, fun, and I was happy to be a part of the ride. His softness, his kindness, his understanding- all of it wrapped up in a pretty red bow. A gift that kept on giving.

I did not love Jimin, but I knew then that I could. With his sharp tongue and charisma, it was impossible not to. Everyone else did. Who was I to think I could be any different? I was a slave to his happiness. It was in that moment, sitting in my car, that I finally understood what was happening.

I was falling in love and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Taglist: @ownthesunshine @screamertannie @lovelytaes-blog @pernesianparapio @tae-with-some-suga @sumzysworld @chimmisbae

© chimcess, 2024. Do not copy or repost without permission.

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is: Atalia_Gold! @ataliagold has 77 fics on Ao3 in the Stranger Things fandom and all of them are in the Steddie tag.

Our anonymous nominator recommends the following works by @ataliagold:

My, My, Those Eyes Like Fire

Keep My Hand In Yours

I Can Wait For You At The Bottom

Oh Darling, Please Be Mine

The Wreckage Of You I No Longer Reside In

"Atalia_Gold has written fics I just go back and read over and over again. I love the way they write the characters and all the very different universes and situations they end up in. One of my favorite authors of all time!" -- Anonymous

Below the cut, @ataliagold answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

I love the pairing so much. Steve is my favourite character ever, I loved him since series 1, but I never had anyone to ship him with until series 4 as Harringrove just wasn’t for me, so when Eddie came along I just thought wow they’re so perfect together.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

Hurt/comfort, sick/injured Steve and Eddie doing the comforting/caretaking is my absolute favourite, but there’s a lot of stuff I love to read.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

Same as the above, I love Steve so much but I love to hurt him haha. (So long as there’s a happy ending!)

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

You’re Divine by Oonionchiver. I love so many of their fics, but this one consumed my soul and was a big contributor to me wanting to write my own fics. A close second would be Take the Money and Run by thisapplepielife - so damn good.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

I have a modern AU idea, and I have done one modern AU before but this one will be quite different, the subject matter is much lighter/more humorous and I’m excited to try that - usually a lot of angst slips in even when I try to keep things light so we’ll see how that goes haha. Also planning to throw in the good old one bed trope into that, which I love reading but haven’t written before.

What is your writing process like?

…there is no process haha. I have an idea, usually a scene or a line or just a feeling, and I start writing and see what happens. I don’t plan anything ahead, I don’t write anything down that isn’t literally just the story, I don’t know how long it’ll be etc - I just start writing and see where the characters want to go. I tend to write up a chapter or a oneshot in a day (sometimes two if I’m busy), then think about it overnight, edit the next day, and then post it once I’m ready.

Do you have any writing quirks?

Maybe a couple of little ones - I’m a fan of ironically both run-on sentences and line breaks - can never have enough line breaks for me. I use them a lot to emphasize things or just because they feel right. Run-on sentences I often use to show a character being indecisive/spiraling/emotional just because it sort of reflects that state.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

…neither. I have no schedule, but I also don’t wait until I’ve finished because I’m too impatient, and I find posting chapters as soon as I’m finished quite motivating. I’m a fairly quick writer so I can usually comfortably post a few updates a week.

Which fic are you most proud of?

That’s hard. I guess it would be The Wreckage Of You I No Longer Reside In, because it was the second fic I ever wrote and the first one longer than a small oneshot. I had covid, a lot of free time on my hands, and no idea what I was doing, but people seemed to really like it and I was floored by the response it got. There’s other fics too though, like My, My Those Eyes Like Fire or Keep My Hand In Yours that come close.

How did you get the idea for Oh Darling, Please Be Mine?

This fic happened while I was writing something else that I was struggling with a bit. Oh Darling, Please Be Mine was me returning to writing something familiar, something I felt comfortable with, and I enjoyed that one. I had worked as a vet nurse before and I really wanted to write vet tech Steve and Steddie with kittens.

When writing I Can Wait For You At The Bottom, what was something you didn’t expect?

That some people would comment and tell me it was accurate to their own experiences with depression. That’s one of the heaviest fics I’ve written and it dealt with Steve seriously struggling with his mental health. I was a little worried when writing it that I wasn’t depicting depression accurately - I’ve never been diagnosed with it myself despite definitely struggling with it or something very similar before. So I just wrote from the heart and people seemed to appreciate it, and I’m glad people found it authentic.

What inspired Keep My Hand In Yours?

I’d wanted to do a post-apocalypse fic for a long time. I love that genre so much, I love the idea of these characters being completely stripped down and having to survive in a very difficult world. Also, the title is from the Noah Kahan song Everywhere, Everything, and a lot of those lyrics inspired the fic too, especially the relationship between Steve and Robin.

What was your favorite part to write from Keep My Hand In Yours?

I think the reunion scene between Robin and Steve, or the scenes with Steve and Eddie at the cabin by the lake. I’d had those scenes in my mind for months before even starting to write that fic, and couldn’t wait to get to them.

How do/did you feel writing My, My, Those Eyes Like Fire?

I loved writing that fic. For me it was just such fun to write - I love sword fights/ancient history/that whole…genre. So I really loved writing that one, and it was literally entirely inspired by Joe Keery’s lovely gladiator outfit.

What was the most difficult part of writing The Wreckage Of You I No Longer Reside In?

That one wasn’t difficult, it really flowed. The most difficult part was actually maybe just sharing it - for so long I was terrified of putting my work out there, because I was convinced people would hate it or it wasn’t good enough/nowhere near as good as other authors’ works.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

It’s hard to think of one, there’s so many that are special to me for different reasons, but I think it would have to the be the Steve and Robin reunion scene from Keep My Hand In Yours: In the distance, two figures approached. Steve ran to them, caution thrown aside – he couldn’t make out their faces from here, but he knew one of them was Robin. He’d know her in the dark; would know her even if he were blind and deaf. One of the figures broke away from the other, running for Steve. They met in the middle of a dirt road at the end of the world, Steve scooping his best friend into his arms and dropping to his knees in the dust.

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

I have five fics ready to go for the Summer Things Fest, they’ll be released anonymously at first and then creators revealed a bit later, so keep an eye out for those later in July! Other than that, my current WIP We Made Universes Out Of Bitten Lips And Broken Hands is nearing the end at the time of writing this - a few more chapters to go and that’ll be complete. I’m away for the whole of July so not starting anything big until I get back, but I have a few ideas brewing, including a modern AU where Eddie and Dustin drag Steve along to New Zealand (where I’m from) to visit Lord of the Rings filming locations, and I’m quite excited to write that later in the year - planning at this stage for it to be upbeat and fun.

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

Just a thank you to anyone who has ever read my fics and dropped kudos or comments, I never expected people to even read my fics let alone enjoy them, so I’m really grateful to everyone who has. There’s some massively talented people here and their fics have helped me in so many ways over the years. And I’m happy to have met some lovely people through writing fics too :)

Thank you to our author, @ataliagold, and our anonymous nominator! See more Atalia_Gold's of works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[hugsandchaos]

Hello, Eudaemon fans!

First of all, I’m really happy that you guys are loving this as much as I am! I was surprised I couldn’t find any fics like mine, so I decided to do it myself with the ideas I had in mind.

Second, thank you for your patience! Summer is a weird time for me and my writing, my brain just short circuits a lot more and I can’t tell if it’s because it’s actually a summer thing or not. I really can’t tell, but don’t worry! Just because I can’t write the chapters themselves doesn’t mean I can’t plan for them.

Third, the actual reason I wanted to make this post. I’m considering rewriting Eudaemon or at least making edits to the chapters before I continue, and here are the two reasons why.

1. The sick part of the fic doesn’t feel quite right. It feels… overlooked and rushed, and I think I can rewrite it to make it better. This time, it will have the old “Danny’s powers acting up and he tries to hide them”.

2. A few parts of the beginning just feel like that overall. I’m not sure where exactly I could make edits other than the sick chapter, but I will search for what just doesn’t feel right and try to fix it.

I know, they’re pretty much the same, but that’s about it. I don’t really want to go ahead with the next chapter until these fixes are done, and it might take a while thanks to life stuff that I didn’t have when I was writing the beginning of the story.

Just thought I should let you guys know about this! Thank you for your time! I’ll keep you guys updated!

[idleglowingpixels]

October-December 2024 Updates - XXY, Monster High & More!

Me when I remember I have a Tumblr & AO3 I wanted to run on a regular basis, but haven't done anything with either for roughly 3 months:

ANYWAY hi, I am back on Tumblr (and soon, AO3) to drop some MAJOR updates regarding what I've been up to in my absence, my WIP fanfics, upcoming fandom stuff (mainly art but also some general theory/headcanon/etc. posts), and generally what I'm up to for the rest of this year!

Lin! Where Have You Been, Loca?!

I've been doing a lot behind the scenes! During the spring and summer, I've been working on a script for a personal project of mine. All of my writing time had been committed to it -- I've got over 400 pages of script done since March 2023! I met some new friends and reconnected with old friends too, this summer was very social for me.

I'm currently attending my first semester of college (FINALLY), and it's going well! The adjustment period was very long and tiresome, but I feel a lot better about being on top of my schoolwork and keeping things balanced. Now if only my sleep could enter the equation...

Since August started, I haven't written much at all because I was taking part in a college summer program. I wanted to have at least one chapter and/or oneshot fic completed by October, and thankfully I've manage to achieve that! It's been genuinely refreshing to return to my fanfics, and they make me wish I didn't have to be away from them for as long as I did. There's also just been so many different franchises that I've re-entered obsessions with, and would love to share with all of you. So without further ado, let's get to it!

XXY - Chapters 8-14

I have officially completed the first drafts of all 7 upcoming chapters! Editing doesn't take me very long to do, and now that I'm better adjusted to my school/work/life balance, I've been able to manage my time a little better.

To all of you who have been waiting for new chapters since Chapter 7 released, I'm so sorry for making you wait! I honestly don't know how the time from last August to now went by so fast. I still check my email regularly and seeing support from old & new fans of the fic during its extended hiatus has really helped me get back into the swing of things.

To celebrate the occasion, I wanted to provide the names of the next batch of chapters, as well as their release dates. These release dates are final, and will only be changed under extreme circumstances (WHICH WON'T HAPPEN WORLD ISTG--!!!) or if I accidentally forget what day it is (which has happened before), and in that case it'll be posted within 1-2 days after the release dates I've listed below.

Chapter 8: Gladiolus - December 7th, 2024 Chapter 9: Hyacinth - January 7th, 2025 Chapter 10: Spearmint - February 7th, 2025 Chapter 11: Coriander - March 7th, 2025 Chapter 12: Hibiscus - April 8th, 2025 Chapter 13: Violet - May 7th, 2025 Chapter 14: Jasmine Tobacco (INTERMISSION) - June 7th, 2025

Per my Monster High fics, I will also be releasing cover art for Chapters 1-7 (since I didn't get to before) throughout November, leading up to Chapter 8's release. From Ch. 8 onward, cover art for the chapters will be released the same day & on the same update posts as their respective chapters. I hope you'll be looking forward to what I have in store!

Monster High AU Updates

My Monster High AU is back from the dead with plenty of goodies this October! This year I was planning to write, draw & release a lot more for the AU, but since I haven't been able to, I wanted to make up for it during Spooky Month.

I don't have definitive release dates for this, but I have plenty of stuff I want to share, so here's a list of everything I plan on releasing throughout the next few months:

Updated Character Art & Bios: Frankie, Draculaura, Clawdeen, Cleo & Lagoona (Fun fact, I'd had everyone but Cleo done all the way back in 2022, which is why the art style differed so much from more recent drawings I'd posted!)

NEW Character Art & Bios: Clawd Wolf, Howleen Wolf, the Timberwolfs (3 characters), & a surprise character!

NEW One-Shot (With Cover Art): Taking A Lycan To New Salem

NEW Art -- Two pictures from the text conversations in Trapped By The Rain

My original plan after the main 5 ghouls was to create & release the bios of the main mansters (Deuce, Heath, Jackson/Holt, etc.), but in light of the upcoming fic release, I wanted to shift my attention to Clawdeen's siblings and the rest of their pack first. I've spent a lot of time developing them, and a couple of these characters are from G2 & G3 who I've altered to fit into my AU as seamlessly as possible! After these bios release, I do intend on returning to my versions of the mansters, as well as rounding out the rest of the lead ghouls in the ensemble cast (Including (but not limited to) Ghoulia, Abbey, Twyla and Torelai).

Since my scripts are wrapped up for the most part, I do plan on having more frequent fanfic updates for the AU in the forseeable future. How frequent? I have no idea! But I'm absolutely making this AU update much more than once a year.

Gravity Falls -- Billtober & Upcoming Fanfiction!

That's right, one of my all-time favorite TV series has re-entered my mind and I cannot contain it! Believe it or not, before XXY AND my Monster High AU, I had been planning to debut on AO3 with a Gravity Falls fanfiction.

With all that The Book Of Bill & thisisnotawebsite.com have given us lore-wise, I've had a new and revitalized version of that old fanfic idea (Name TBD). Unfortunately, due to the lack of attention I've been giving the aforementioned stories I've been working on over the last couple of years -- and because I want to release chapters once the fic is completed -- I don't (and won't) have much, if anything, to report on it in the upcoming months.

To satiate my need to make something for the show, I decided to take up the Billtober challenge created by @dailybill-cipher ! I'll be working on my sketches sporadically over the next month or so, and will post 7-8 doodles for every week that I finish. Again, this will be sporadic, so I will post whenever I have completed my personal quota!

I also have an old OC for the series I made back in high school who was in DESPERATE need for some upgrades, and whenever I finish a drawing for him, I can't wait to share his design! He'll be in my fic, but only really at the beginning and end, with an appearance here or there as the plot demands it (which is not much).

Miscellaneous

I have a Miraculous Ladybug rewrite fic in the works, whose notes have been collecting dust on my cork board, but it's something I intend to begin working on again in the next year or so. I despised S5's ending, and therefore, will not be continuing to view the series proper. I stopped at S5, so anything that has released for it after S5's finale, excluding the movie (I forgot if it released before or after the finale), I haven't seen. And I don't intend to see (I'm allowing exceptions for what I've seen already, because I need to research for my fic). But I'm really looking forward to returning to this old draft and rejuvenating it!

I may do some art for Five Nights At Freddy's in the near future? Nothing guaranteed, but I do love the franchise, so it's not like I won't talk about it ever lol. Also, I was gifted a copy of The Week Before, which besides my movie poster is my only FNAF merchandise, and OOOOOOOOOOH BOY AM I EXCITED TO RAMBLE ABOUT IT AND EVENTUALLY LET MY RAMBLES ESCAPE MY DRAFTS.

Sonic The Hedgehog 3 is dropping in December...And I will make it everyone's problem (/j). I'm highly anticipating this one, the trailers make it look great!

Ending Notes

For now, these are the main projects that I'm working on. I'm be working really hard to be better at consistent updates and such, so hopefully I won't be away as long as I was unannounced.

As always, thank you to my readers, old and new, for being patient with me. It really is appreciated and helps me continue these stories!

[chipped-chimera]

WIP WEDNESDAY - 21/06/23

(I mean it’s technically Friday now between timezones and spoons but have this otherwise I’ll keep forgetting) My first WIP Wednesday! Thanks @theviridianbunny​ for the tag! I’ve been really getting stuck into modding - as well as falling into my usual mod habit of ‘start like six project at once and end up with a million WIP files' but I guess I’ll talk about the major ones.

Graphic design is my passion ...

(Long) rambling about mods I'm making + things I've learned below the cut~

My V’s tatt project is still ongoing, and I’ve (somewhat begrudgingly) been trying out Substance Painter to work on bits of it, mainly polishing seams between UV maps. It’s definitely got a lot of benefits, especially for graphic placement in really tricky areas (like anywhere in the entire head mesh region for example) but I still think a lot of the heavy work will still be done in Photoshop so I’ll probably be writing up both experiences with them when I do that tutorial I keep hinting at for complex tatt work. I’ve started drafting a tumblr tutorial but I wonder if that’s the best format, maybe a PDF? Google doc? Github wikis look cool? (tho I think I need to pay for that) - if y’all got suggestions for tutorial formats pls let me know!

As for the other arguably overly-ambitious-project-where-I-bit-off-more-than-I-could-chew ...

H A I R.

Hair has been the bane of my existence for about the past week( ... weeks? Maybe two?), most of it involving cursing, a lot of reverse-engineering game meshes and smashing my head against blender. But if not already evident from my monowire post - I am a stubborn bitch with too much time on my hands so even though there were at least two moments where I wanted to curl up on the floor under my desk and just stay there - we got there.

This all started because my favourite hair mod which I cannot split from my V’s identity was acting funky and the shape of it had been altered since a physics update. It wasn’t her anymore. So I needed new hair. I tried editing the existing hair. I tried importing the old hair mesh. I tried so many things and they didn’t work out one way or they threw a million errors or there were an obnoxious amount of verts.

I even tried looking for replacement mod hair. None of them fit, all of them felt too ‘clean’ for my V. So I just concluded: FINE. I’ll make my own damn hair. From scratch. At least then I’ll actually KNOW what’s going on with the mesh, right?

Problem with hair is tutorials are very limited in respect to Cyberpunk, so I had to learn a lot of this by myself and looking at other processes used for building game hair. I’ve had a previous stint in game design at uni but it was very introductory and more broad-strokes concepts not specific stuff like what ‘real time hair’ is and how you actually go about placing hair-cards (there’s a million different ways btw) but after another 3 days smashing my head against blender I finally got shit to work to a satisfactory level using hair tools for blender and the particle hair grooming system (not the 3.5 blender system, maybe more on that at some point).

Putting together the hair cards I was 120% convinced this was going to blow up in my face, primarily through vert count. But this hair tool plugin? Alarmingly efficient. I was frequently checking my work against Alt's hair mesh (one I was planning on rigging to) and here's the final-ish stats -

This is with only Alt's hair mesh selected (no cap) and then only my mesh(s - lots of layering to build it up), and by comparison I felt I'd built up the density of a chinchilla. This is not a brag, this is mostly genuine confusion over how efficient this plugin is, all I did was smack around hair curves. It did all the UV mapping junk on the fly.

Although structurally complete, I still consider this a WIP (yes I know there's a reeeeal fun vert funkiness in that second render, it's been fixed) since I'm having to go back and fine-tune some of the UV's the plugins mapped that I'm not happy with and generally figuring out my density problem because if anything, after putting it in-game it felt too dense.

Because yes, somehow I got it in game.

WITH. PHYSICS.

This may have driven me absolutely up the wall between having to learn blender from scratch then what the heck real time hair is and how that works etc. etc. but ... god, seeing her move back from the mirror and just feeling that instant catharsis of 'IT'S HER!' made it so. Damn. Worth it.

It looks too thick - this might be because I chucked in the 'doubled' feature Wolvenkit comes with because I hadn't spent any time doing backfaces. But it also might be because it's black? That's going to need investigating.

The physics need a lot of work too, I did a pretty rushed weight painting job last night on a merged version of the mesh because I was worried whether it was even viable and I'd already dumped an insane amount of hours into this between trying to salvage the old hair and building a new one (with some more bells and whistles. Mainly - curly). That wasn't without it's issues -

This almost fucking cracked me, given this was one of the issues I was experiencing before trying to fix an existing mesh mod. Turns out I was just being dumb and forgetting to export the armature, which I'd thought I wasn't supposed to do after having blender throw a bunch of errors on other hair attempts. I gave it a try after one last shot and boom. Worked. (I dunno what those errors were about man but now I know armature? very important).

Will I release this hair? no damn clue, depends on if I can get it to a level I feel is 'releasable'. I already know what I'm calling it though - Venatrix her side-handle I've decided on.

I look forward to adapting it into maybe a comb-back version, as well as a tied up version, so I can show off both her undercut + have the option of NOT hiding every damn tatt I've obsessed over placing on her neck haha.

In other news -

My much-needed wacom tablet replacement arrived (as well as other things I was looking forward to 👀) meaning my Wacom Cintiq, workhorse of ten years can finally enjoy her retirement. Her controls were getting funky, she had a few dead pixels but man. I'm convinced they won't make them like her ever again. Either way she's done unfortunately - upgrading my monitor to 2k made this painfully obvious. I don't think it's even running in full HD, it's that old. And with Phantom Liberty coming out this year? I'm probably going to need a new videocard and DVI compatibility isn't really a thing anymore.

So for future I think I'll just stick to the basic tablet set up, invest in screens. Also now I FINALLY know what her hair is gonna look like and with the tablet here, I can get back to work on the tattoo bodysuit.

Anyways, that's it for now! (Jesus Christ did you really read all of this? If you did you're a fucking trooper). Sorry for the extended ramble but MAN I did a lot, I needed to yell.

Till next time Chooms! Thanks again @theviridianbunny for the tag~ <3

Oh shit wait, have the blender renders before I forget because hahah I figured out how to do that too lol -

[ikatako38]

Life Stuff

So I’ve been struggling with motivation and time lately, between college finals and a sharp decline in my mental health. I know I made it sound like everything was going great in the last update, and it was, but then it wasn't, and then it was again.. and the back and forth has just been exhausting, not to mention time-consuming.

I was supposed to have a little surprise sneak peek for you all on Monday, but when I went into my planning document to retrieve the scene I had written for a future chapter, it was gone. When I checked the revision history of the document, all the versions from last month to December 2022 are missing---nearly a year's worth. It seems like all the edits within that year's time have been lost. Thankfully, I had all the basic planning for the story done before that year of edits that got deleted, but I still lost all of my newer edits. I'm still so perplexed about how this could have happened, and it's causing me a lot of distress, especially because at this point I'm not even sure exactly what I've lost. The whole point of that document was so that I could write down an idea and then forget about it until I needed it again to clear up space in my head for new ideas.

It's also finals week, so I have that going for me, too. I'm not planning on having time for any work on TPWCH until after my last final of December 6th.

Poll Details

Even then, I've been having problems with motivation lately. Winter break should be a good rest for me, but I still worry about how much I'll be able to write. The other day, I got an idea for a Squidmas special. While in the TPWCH universe, it would take us to different time periods, allowing us to finally meet all of the prequel and sequel characters I've been teasing (including Three's old friend group and Tsuku's friend group). It would essentially be set in the future but with an extended flashback to Three's childhood. And we get to see Three and Eight as parents! (And maybe even some others?) 👀 I'm so excited to share these new characters with you, and that excitement might just be the extra little push I need to get myself motivated again.

Or, with all the extra time I have, I should be able to stop procrastinating and finally get a good start of Chapter #22-Part2. Ultimately, I'm going to make my own decision on whether to write the Squidmas special or not, but I'd still like to hear your input!

I also haven't forgotten about other promises I've made having to do with TPWCH--like more development of the Dark Three AU, the 300-kudos bonus, the Part 3 cover, etc. Just working slowly. Thank you as always for your patience and understanding!

[stepswowdsen]

Art WIPs [8-26-2024]

XanLena Doodle WIPs:

Me after I edit the post to update my XanLena sketches (particularly Selena's concept art) morbillion times

I'm still planning to update it again

Making constant edits is just so like me WHDHSHDSH

Cuz I always notice stuff I need to add/refine right after posting

My friend Feuri told me he likes how the softer upturned eyes of the OG Selena has a softer expression, so I'll keep both expressions ^^

I'll just update the hair, ribbon, etc., and post both versions

I'll either post it today or tomorrow on main

KagePro Art Ideas:

Rambles

Outer Science, the 14th song of KagePro, first released on August 31st, 2013. Its anniversary is approaching VERY SOON…

Context: Outer Science depicts the "Bad End" of KagePro's Music Route where Kuroha/Saeru (Snake of Clearing Eyes) kills everyone in the Mekakushi Dan (Blindfold Gang), the protag cast, and forces Marry to reset the timeline, causing a never ending time loop tragedy.

I'm planning to draw Outer Science themed pieces for its upcoming anniversary ^^ Outer Science is my favourite KagePro song (and KagePro MV) since it was my gateway into KagePro that got me into the series. It's also the song of my fave KagePro chara, Kuroha/Saeru, so it's very important and personal to me.

In celebration of my favourite KagePro song, I have a few art ideas in mind for it. It'll be Outer Science gen-fanart. It won't be gorey, but it will have mild blood and violence.

In the following days after that, I'll be posting my analysis rambles on Outer Science since I love it sm ^^ I always try to have new things I have to say, irt my KagePro MV rambles.

I'm not gonna spoil my ideas cuz I want it to be a secret, but I'm really looking forward to drawing the art concept <3

I had 4 art concept ideas in my head, I was planning on drawing 2 of them but I think I might only get to draw 1 of them. I might draw the others though sometime in the future ^^

I'm not gonna talk in detail about my composition ideas since I want it to be a secret, but I can guarantee that people will be shocked in a pleasantly surprised way ^^ I've always wanted to draw mild horror and dark aesthetic pieces. Yippee!!!

My mutuals are gonna get the first snippet sneak peek of my upcoming art idea ✨

Though it also depends on my ability to pull it off.

I haven't drawn it yet. The art concepts are pretty ambitious, though, so let's see if I can pull it off. Otherwise, I'll just post my old Kuroha sketches from before.

I usually post drawings right away, but this time I'll keep it a secret until August 31st, cuz I wanna surprise people with it… If I don't get it done in time then I'll just post it late, so it's not an issue.

...

Usually I post my art WIPs right away, but I wanna keep it a surprise, so I'll post it on the day of August 31st. My mutuals and followers are gonna get the first snippet sneak peek of my upcoming art idea ✨

I have 3 composition ideas in mind, but I think I'll only get the time to draw 2 of them. Though, it also depends on my ability to pull it off since my ideas are pretty ambitious. Otherwise, I'll just post my old Kuroha sketches from before.

Douman (FGO) and Kuroha (KagePro) fit PERFECTLY for artistic horror themed arts, so I've always wanted to draw mild horror pieces 🥰💞

So I hope my future Outer Science drawings can manage to evoke the sense of haunting-ness and subtle horror ^^

I just wanna get the sketch concept down, so it'll be pretty sketchy with rough splotchy colours (not refined). I like doing rough sketch concepts since they're quick for me to do.

Cuz I know that my full art process from sketch -> rendering would take like 10 - 20 hours total, but doing rough coloured sketches only takes me around 1 - 3 hours depending on the complexity

Misc Rambles

Coming back to KagePro was one of the best decisions I've ever made KuroEne makes me SO happy they give me so much comfort and constantly inspire me to come up with new art and writing ideas. They got me out of the rut of never posting anything. Ty to my 10 year old ship!!! They are very important and personal to me

Even though I draw often, I honestly loathe posting sketches, cuz I felt like my art blog should just be for finished pieces, but I'm slowly getting more comfortable with posting WIPs.

I understand that my art will inevitably improve over time 🙏 And I'm happy with my improvement when comparing my current drawings to my 2022 ones!

I first got into KagePro when I was 12 when I first watched Outer Science, which is known as the "Bad End" of KagePro's Music Route. Sidu has such a wonderful art style and an amazing aesthetic sense… I look up to their art very much.

My KuroEne AU ideas (both writing and art ideas) are 100000x better now compared to when I was a kid cuz I can see and analyze things through a whole new light. I revamped all of my old ideas and my analysis rambles and art are much better now too. I'm very happy to see such major improvement.

[thoroughlymodernminutia]

A Wisp of Smoke - Chapter 1 (Mike Duarte x F!Reader)

Summary: An unconventional member joins the Bronx Gang Unit.

Word Count: 3364

Content Warning: This is mildly canonical but like not really, so if that bothers you, then I’d skip. Some physical description - gave hte reader some gray hair cause I'm old and I want to represent some old people lol. Edit that out of your mind if you need to. Foul language (if that bothers you?), Gang talk, coworkers who don’t like each other, this part I don’t think has anything that would be triggering, but if you feel differently I can update the warnings.

A/N: When I tell you that I started writing this in October…it means exactly that. This has morphed into something different than I was expecting and I imagine I will have to scrap some stuff I have written once the next episode airs, so this is EVOLVING. Who even knows what this will be about by the time it’s finished. God help me. If there are typos, I apologize - I proof read this a few times and i'm sure somewhere there is something wrong

UM, Minors probably shouldn’t read this but I’m not your mother.

—-

The thing about the subway is it takes time to understand the quirks—the nuances—of the subway lines you take. The majority of your time is taking one line to and from work if you’re lucky. You’ve been taking one train line for so long, you’re at 90% accuracy of predicting when something is about to go wrong. You like the routine of it—knowing if you get to the platform right at 8:01 AM you’ll only have to wait a minute before the train comes and you’ll get to work early. It’s an art and a science, but it takes practice. It’s why taking a job so far out of your usual subway line is annoying; you have to learn it all over again. It’s made even worse by having to switch to another line, if something goes wrong on that first leg of the commute, you’re fucked for the rest of it.

And today, you feel like you’re fucked. You leave your apartment like a parent leaving for the airport; panicking about the time and trying to make sure you have everything. You feel smug catching the subway right when it pulls into the platform and getting in a nearly empty subway car. The smugness fades when you transfer to another train that happily sits between stations for 30 minutes and then decides to switch to the express track. It’s not express for you though, of course. It puts you a good mile away from where you need to be, instead of the five blocks you planned for. The extra distance isn’t an issue, for once you might show up on time without having to walk around the block ten times. It is, however, unseasonably warm for February and now your coat is overkill. You stop and take it off, juggling your bag from hand to hand as you remove it. It’s insane, not even being able to feel cold in February in New York. 

While you walk the unfamiliar sidewalks of the South Bronx you think about how this is your brother-in-law Tommy’s doing. You don’t even know how or why he’s sending you up to the Bronx as some kind of backfill in the Gang Unit. You aren’t a cop, so you have no idea why they’d want you up there. You feel like it’s going to look pretty strange, a senior analyst for the NYPD in the Intelligence Bureau, joining the Gang Unit. Gangs in the Bronx aren’t really on your radar; the majority of your time is spent juggling mostly empty threats against NYC. Analyzing the message boards and social media where people spew garbage 24/7. It’s weird to think that maybe this will be a break from that. 

You do know a little about Duarte’s reputation. For as much as Tommy thinks gossiping is a female trait he certainly loves to partake in it. You heard all about the drama between him and Captain Benson–Tommy was almost gleeful when recounting it. You get the impression that like most men in the NYPD Duarte is only happy when he gets his way. You could be completely wrong, it’s not like Tommy is the most reliable narrator. 

—-

The precinct looks different than you thought it would. You had imagined something along the lines of a bland box with windows, but this is a beautiful limestone building. Some of the stone work looks like it belongs in an Italian palazzo in the 16th century. The inside reminds you of an old library with the heavy wood furniture and dim lighting. It’s really quite something—all these disappearing architectural gems throughout all the boroughs. As you walk towards the Desk Sergeant you wonder how much longer it will be around before the city turns it into a glassbox citing progress in the neighborhood. 

When you ask where you can find Captain Duarte you realize the charm seems to end with the interior and doesn’t really extend to the people. She looks like you’ve just ruined her day by speaking to her. She nods her head towards the stairs and says it’s the third floor. You thank her, thinking maybe that’s her problem, no one ever sounds grateful for her assistance. Halfway up the stairs you do consider turning around and walking right back down and out of the building. You suppress the urge; dealing with Tommy in the aftermath of flaking would probably be worse than whatever fresh hell is waiting for you a few flights up.

You duck into the bathroom when you get to the third floor and are relieved when you find it empty. You set your bag on the edge of the sink, and drape your coat over a stall door. You turn back to the mirror and give yourself a once over. You were going for an overall look of extreme competence so you went with all black. Black silk button down, black skinny jeans, black thick soled loafers. You think maybe you look like you’re about to attend a funeral—probably your own. You hike up your jeans a little and try to ignore how much your feet hurt. You look back up to your face in the mirror to check your makeup. It still looks good; your eyeliner is intact and hopefully giving the impression that you’re precise, detail oriented. Your hair looks fine, the gray pieces framing your face, glossy under the overhead lights. You used to hate that you started going gray fairly young; you must have spent thousands covering it up over the years. At some point you stopped caring and just let it be. It came with a fun bonus, men you worked with suddenly thought you were old and left you alone. You give yourself one last once over before washing your hands. As you grab your things and head out of the bathroom you run through the little information you have like you’re cramming for a test. 

An officer shows you to Captain Duarte’s office and tells you that you can wait inside, that he doesn’t know when he’ll be back. It’s very you to think that you’re going to be late to something and be the person that ends up waiting. When the officer leaves you put your bag on one of the chairs and drape your coat over the back. His desk is neat and you don’t see much in the way of personal effects on it. There’s a few books and you’re tempted to go to the other side of his desk to get a better look, but restrain yourself knowing the moment you do, he will come walking in. You sit down in one of the chairs and wait. 

—-  

As Duarte approaches his office he can see you sitting inside. He had put your arrival out of his mind once McGrath had told him and seeing you now throws him off for a moment. He should be prepared, he only knows what McGrath told him. Although, he’s sure that since McGrath is the one who sent you here, the information isn’t reliable. When you get up and introduce yourself, his initial impression is that you’re prissy. The way your coat is folded over the back of one of the chairs. How you’re now clasping your hands in front of you. Your outfit, a far cry from the recently departed, hoodie-clad Muncy. He can’t tell what he hates more right now, the way you look or that you were foisted on him by McGrath. 

Duarte closes the door to his office and turns back to face you.

“I don’t really know what you’re doing here. You have no gang—no actual police experience. I’d wager to say you’ve never used a gun. I don’t care about your intelligence experience. Frankly, you could single handedly bring down all gang activity in this city and it wouldn’t matter to me. If you think whatever relationship you have with McGrath is going to help you here, you’re wrong.”

It’s a lot all at once and you try to ignore the way he says ‘relationship’. As if you slept with Tommy to get you a job with the Gang Unit. If you’re going to sleep your way to a new job in the NYPD, it wouldn’t be for a mostly lateral position all the way in the Bronx. You can feel yourself about to do that thing where you match the energy that’s being directed your way. It’s great when the person you’re dealing with isn’t an asshole. But if they’re looking to take the low road, well you own a home there.

“I’m sorry, I must have blacked out. I think I missed a part where you said something like ‘I’m glad to have you on the team.’” 

The look on his face tells you he was expecting you to be more yielding in your response. Maybe eight or ten years ago you would have been. You’re tired of minimizing yourself to make men in the NYPD feel better.

“If I felt that way, I would have said it. This is real shit we deal with, no one here has time to babysit you.”

“Well, I’ll just have to cut the crust off my own sandwich then, won’t I?” You try to keep your voice calm. “Look, I’m good at my job and whatever it is I’m supposed to do here, I’ll be good at that too.”

Duarte grabs a box off of his desk and thrusts it at you. 

“I think you’re going to find your confidence is misplaced.”

You balance the box on your hip as you pick up your coat and bag from the chair. You consider not saying anything else, but when you get to the door you turn around and smile.

“I just have to say, this has just been so pleasant. Really looking forward to working with you.”

He huffs in your general direction before turning back to his desk. You know he’s setting you up for failure—not giving you a single inch already. He’s probably looking forward to watching you spin your wheels and flame out. If there’s anyone that can dig their heels in it’s you, so if he is looking for some kind of low level fight you’re ready.

—-

You’re unpacking the box at your desk when you see a friendly face standing at the desk across from yours. It could be Satan smiling at you at this point and you’d take it. You both introduce yourselves as he sits down.

“Should I call you Jordan or Williams? I know how much everyone in the NYPD loves going by their last name.” 

“Ha! True. Honestly, either is fine.”

You pull another stack of files and a hard drive out the box and look at your computer for the time. When you see it’s barely 10AM you know it’s going to be a long rest of the day. 

“Well, Jordan, can I ask you something?”

“Let me guess, your face is giving me, is he always like that?”

“Ha, yes that is the question.”

Jordan lets out a sigh, “It depends. He’s still pissed at McGrath I think. After he let Captain Benson snatch Muncy from us. And then Benson gets attacked, I don’t know, there’s a lot going on.” He pauses for a moment. “It’s fucked up, but he’s probably worried McGrath sent you up here as a spy or something.”

“What if he did?”

Jordan leans back in his chair and scans your face trying to determine if you’re telling the truth.

“Did he?”

You give Jordan a wry smile.

“No. But it will be fun letting Captain Duarte think so.”

You can’t help but laugh because it’s so dumb; that someone would think you were sent up here to spy. It seems like something Tommy would do—send someone up here to unknowingly spy for him. Tommy is an idiot, but you’re not. 

Jordan chuckles as he shakes his head.

“I think it’s going to be good having you around.”

You both chat a little more and you’re able to get from him what you couldn’t from Duarte; what he’s actually looking for. You already had a feeling that he wanted to treat gangs like terrorist groups and your theory proves true. It also proves true that he wanted someone with your experience but who was also a detective. He must think Tommy short-changed him with you so he could have a person on the inside. At least now you have a clearer picture of why he hates you. You’d probably hate you too if you were in Duarte’s shoes.

You spend the rest of the morning going through everything Duarte gave you. It’s strange trying to apply everything you know to a completely new set of circumstances. You can already feel some doubt creeping in. Yes you’re good at your job—but this is not that. You think that Duarte probably views you as some interloper trying to use this as some kind of play to get ahead. Take credit for fixing a problem and leave behind other growing problems. It’s only partially true; you don’t care about taking credit for things but you are an interloper. It’s not like this is really your community; you don’t live in areas impacted by gang violence. You don’t have the depth and breadth of knowledge on the specific systemic issues that allow this type of thing to flourish. With counter-terrorism it always seems like a much broader issue where the violence impacts many, where gang violence only affects the few. It’s something that you feel like you’re going to be unpacking for as long as you’re here. 

Duarte and Williams leave early in the afternoon. You don’t know if you were expecting Duarte to tell you what’s going on, but he doesn’t. He just gives you an annoyed look as he passes by your desk and you give him a tight lipped smile. You think back to this morning and wish you would have taken the high road and acquiesced to his running commentary of your lack of abilities. It’s the ‘relationship’ jab that’s bothering you the most for some reason—probably because it was so unnecessary. You wish you were the type of person that could just move on from comments like that but you’re not; it’s probably why your last relationship ended. So you know you’re going to hold on to that relationship comment much longer than necessary. 

With Duarte gone you feel like you can finally relax; your shoulders drop and you take a few quiet breaths. You plug in the hard drive to your laptop and try to figure out where to start. When you first started with the bureau in counter-terrorism, it was overwhelming, but you quickly found your footing. It was a lot of research and developing counterintelligence reports. It was your job to plan, research, develop, and communicate in-depth analysis of targets, networks, and issues to key leaders in the department. You know how to plan and implement strategies based on a combination of information and gut feeling. At least here you won’t be starting entirely from scratch. You have your experience—and while this is a different set of circumstances you know what’s needed. You settle in and start familiarizing yourself with all the information you have. 

You want to memorize the faces, the names, everything about the people in the files and computer in front of you. You know right now the focus seems to be BX9, but you also know as these groups collapse they splinter off or join existing gangs. You work on putting something together that you can leave for Duarte. The thought crosses your mind that if he doesn’t expect anything of you then why bother, but you have enough self respect to not do that.

—-

He sees you in his office as he comes into the squad room. He can see through the open blinds that you’re standing behind his desk, looking out of the window towards the street. He was hoping you’d be gone and that he wouldn’t have to deal with you again today. He just wants some fucking peace.

“Do you need something?” Duarte’s voice is quiet as he enters his office but he sees you jump a little in place at the sound of it. As you turn around and see it’s him you half smile. He recognizes it as the kind of smile that says you didn’t want to see him either. He thinks for a moment how this could have gone differently. How he could have been given someone qualified—a real detective. He wouldn’t have this generalized annoyance he’s been feeling since this morning.

“No, sorry. Was just leaving something on your desk.” 

You brush past him as you say it and it breaks him from his train of thought. He watches you grab your things from your desk and then turn to leave. He sees you stop as Williams comes back to his desk. He watches as you say something to Williams but it’s not loud enough for him to hear. Whatever it was it must have been funny because Williams laughs. Duarte calls him into his office and he hears you say goodnight as you’re walking out of the squad room. 

“You need something, Cap?” 

“I want you to keep an eye on her.” 

“Yeah, of course.”

“I need to know if she’s—”

Williams cuts him off and shakes his head.

“I don’t think she’s like that if that’s what you’re getting at. I like her.”

“Good for you. Just do what I ask.”

“Aye, aye Cap.” 

Williams turns to leave and Duarte closes the office door behind him. He goes over to his desk and opens the bottom drawer and pulls out a bottle of bourbon and a glass. It’s incredible how fucking exhausted he is every day. Every day since the subway attack in Manhattan has steadily been draining him. And then Benson getting attacked and her inserting herself into the investigation; he feels like everyone is coming at him from all sides. He feels like a tire slowly losing air. He uncorks the bottle and pours himself a drink and downs it before sitting in his chair. 

He mulls over the decision the DA’s office made every single day. On the surface he understood the reasoning behind it. But deeper, he felt it was a mistake, a decision made for optics. A lie that Manhattan has rid itself of BX9. That only the poor fucks in the Bronx have to deal with them from now on. Well that went out the fucking window once Benson got kicked in the ribs. If she had listened to him instead of only thinking about her case it would be a different story. Instead he has two dead kids in Rikers and he’s hunting for more. He pours himself another drink while he tries to ignore the pressure building in his chest. He’s grateful for the nearly empty floor, the quiet.

He leans in his chair and notices a manilla folder on his desk; it has a post-it with his name on it scrawled in unfamiliar handwriting. Maybe you’re already resigning, it wouldn’t surprise him. He knows he wasn’t very welcoming. He has no desire, no energy to be—this job is all consuming. He grabs the file folder and opens it. Inside he sees you’ve put together a briefing based on all the information you went through. You seem to have analyzed what you view as gaps in the systems that are being used to monitor gang activity currently. You’ve even outlined the resources you’ll need. It’s not even entirely focused on BX9–you included other gangs in your briefing, gangs that weren’t included in the information he gave you. He feels a little sting of something reading through everything. He can’t tell if he’s impressed or irritated that you put this much together in a day. He realizes that he knows almost nothing about you, having put in almost no effort to find out. He closes the folder and starts making some calls. He wasn’t expecting so much from you on your first day.

[tesnuzzik]

Hellow! I subscribed to you a long time ago. Back in the days when you published the Dragomatsu comic. I still adore this AU of yours. As far as I understand, you are no longer planning to work on this project. Could you briefly tell us what events were going to happen next in this comic?

Hi! Thank you for still following me even though I didn't update anymore <3 It's true, I'm not going to continue working on the comic. I'm currently working on an original comic (close to finishing the first page), doing two at the same time would be impossible;; (and the Dragonmatsu comic would have been much to big to ever finish anyway). I don't mind telling what I was planning with it though! (It's been a while and I didn't write everything down, but I'll do my best to try and remember). I'll try to keep it as short as possible;; xD --- From the final page I posted: Jyushimatsu would get taken away by the knights at the announcement, and Osomatsu rushes to try and bail him out (this is when he'd meet (the old version of) my oc Fenric for the first time). Jyushimatsu ends up getting away with a warning, mostly because the king wants to keep peace with the dragons. After this chapter, I had a whole story planned out where Jyushimatsu would get very ill, but no doctor would be willing to help except Dekapan (who's not fully recognized as a doctor with his weird magic potions). It turns out Jyushimatsu was poisoned by an angry villager, making the Matsus more aware that some humans *really* don't want them there (Oso starts turning really protective because of this as well). At some point, the king gets sick and passes away, and the prince takes over. He hates dragons due to trauma (if you look at the panel where he's upset in chapter 3, you can see that he misses a finger). Vitharr (the big red haired oc dude) decides to use that to his advantage and makes a plan where he will frame the Matsus for setting off a fire during the coronation festivities, turning most of the village against them and having the new king abolish the laws protecting (half)dragons. Vitharr ends up getting a position among the knights (And general Muno leaves, as she doesn't agree with what is happening), but he leaves his old crew behind who decide to try and capture the Matsus before he could (and get the reward). They end up causing the Matsu's house to burn down, but the Matsus escape and decide to flee the village.

This would be the end of the "first part" of the story, after this the Matsus would wander a dangerous forest while being hunted down by Vitharr (who was forced to team up with Fenric, a mage with an obsession with dragon magic). They would discover much more about their powers, where they came from, etc. Osomatsu grew to distrust humans, Karamatsu would have a bunch of old trauma to work through, Choromatsu and Todomatsu would have a lot of issues adjusting to the new situation (in their own ways), and Ichimatsu and Jyushimatsu's powers would end up clashing and causing issues in their relationship. I didn't write most of the latter stuff down so I don't remember all of it ;w; I think I had plans for the Matsus to all meet a full dragon of their own element at some point? Like the test comic I made with Karamatsu and the dragon in the big whirlpool... If you want to know about more specific stuff, just let me know! It's fun to go back to an old project like that sometimes, haha!

(edit!) Here are two unfinished pages for chapter 3

[lightning-chicken]

20 questions for fic writers

thanks @rainofthetwilight for tagging me in this!! i’m going to go ahead and tag @kumoriwrites, @finn-m-corvex and @mondothebombo (no pressure!). and without further ado:

1) how many works do you have on ao3?

five, at the moment

2) what’s your total ao3 wordcount?

43,430 words (a very nice number!)

3) what fandom(s) do you write for?

just ninjago! i might make stuff for other fandoms, but i’m happy just writing about the plastic lego guys at the moment

4) what are your top five fics by kudos?

in decsending order:

Putting the Puzzle Pieces Back Together - 139 kudos (woah!!)

Current Runs Thicker Than Water - 115 kudos

ERROR: Battery Low - 91 kudos

Unfamiliar, Familiar Dances - 75 kudos

Thin Ice Breaks Easily - 48 kudos

5) do you respond to comments?

yes yes yes!!!! it takes me a while, but i appreciate every single one of them, from the keysmashes to the theories <33

6) what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

(glances at the “angst” tag on all my fics) well, they all have their angsty moments, but i’d say it’s a tie between Thin Ice Breaks Easily (if you like lloyd + zane angst) and ERROR: Battery Low (if you like jay angst)! and rest assured, there’ll be angstier stuff to come >:)

7) what is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Current Runs Thicker Than Water wins that easily! bittersweet but hopeful endings are one of my favourite kinds.

8) do you get hate on fics?

thankfully not! the closest it’s been are requests to update stuff (which i’m getting round to, i swear-)

9) do you write smut? if so, what kind?

nope. not for me.

10) do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i don’t write crossover fics, but i have some au fics planned which involve events from other media!

11) have you ever had a fic stolen?

again - thankfully not.

12) what’s the longest time you’ve spent working on a fic? and what’s the shortest?

longest - my wip The Enneadic Logs, by far. it’ll be around two years old by the time i start posting it!

shortest - Thin Ice Breaks Easily, because i had a deadline and i kept rewriting it ToT. but i’m happy with the final result!

13) have you ever co-written a fic?

not yet, but i’d be interested!!

14) what’s your all-time favourite ship? from every fandom?

uhhhh… i’m not an overly shippy person, so if I go by which ship i’ve written about the most, i’d say jaya.

15) what’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i’ve got a rough outline for a nyad-centric fic, but that’s very much in the drafts stage, and i don’t have a load of motivation to work on that.

16) what are your writing strengths?

i love love love going into depth with how elemental powers feel to their holders, and i’ve been told i’m great at describing that!

17) what are your writing weaknesses?

dialogue, i think? i tend to overthink it a lot, and usually i have to wait until my brain comes up with something that sounds natural. that’s the bit i edit the most!

18) thoughts in writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

already done it! there’s latin in Putting the Puzzle Pieces Back Together (for plot reasons), which was translated by the amazing @inspectorghoul :D

(i’m now realising that i didn’t translate all of it in the fic, so if anyone wants translations for stuff you can send in an ask!)

19) first fandom you wrote for?

ninjago!

20) favourite fic you’ve ever written?

i can’t choose - either ERROR: Battery Low for the poetic writing style i’m proud of, Putting the Puzzle Pieces Back Together for what’s going to happen in later chapters, or The Enneadic Logs for the sheer chaos that unfolds!

[bvannn]

Weekly update March 22, 2024

I’m still exhausted beyond words. I’m also on a bit of a spiral where I’m worried about the quality of my art and about my output, but it’s okay because I’m chipping away at old big projects still and as soon as classwork is subsided I’m going to try to learn a new skill, because any time I feel insufficient I learn a new skill so I can be better. Classes have been kicking my ass mostly but hopefully big things will be coming sooner rather than later.

I’ve been doing a number of drawings to time myself and update my comms. Turns out I’m a lot less consistent than I thought so it’ll be a bit longer till I get prices sorted out but it’s coming along. Also good chance I’ll add more on to it later once I sort out more things I can offer. My usual drawing style will be the main one, but I’m hoping I can also add the epithet erased style, the chibi dnd mini style I do sometimes, options for backgrounds, and eventually also music.

Problem with music though has been my exhaustion. The only music stuff I’ve really been drilling at has been bigger projects, but I’d like to just sit down and do a small beat as well at some point. Once I catch up with classwork I might try. I have been chipping away at a couple instrumental pieces, as well as the larger vocal cover and I did some lyric writing today for the two ‘finished mostly’ ones I’ve been sitting on. I did have to scrap and redo a character theme for the second time this week but once I have some time with a clear mind I can reroute that one and use the melody I wrote for the last draft. In development right now are an ambient character theme, a 16bit-ish instrumental theme, a Zelda medley, a song cover with Kyo, a small gabber song with no affiliation to anything, the two original vocal songs, one symphonic rock and one EDM, and a handful of others that I haven’t been actively working on. As soon as I have significant time I’m going to try to finish off some of them.

Once the music is finished I’ll have to throw visuals together for them too. I really want to put in effort to make animation rigs again but I don’t have the time or energy. I might do one for the vocal cover song since I could be reusing the character but I’m not sure it’ll be necessary. Once the cover is done I’ll storyboard something and decide then.

Comic is also still going, I haven’t had a ton of time to do thumbnailing/writing, but I should be down to the last scene. No guarantee I won’t have to add more after editing, but it’s getting there. Once that’s done I’ll try to post roughs of specific panels so it’s a bit easier to keep track of where it’s at. The thumbnailing is a big bottleneck right now because it takes a lot of brain power but it’s almost done. If I get myself together this next week it should be done by the next update. No promises though, I have a lot of classwork.

Last couple things, a good amount of my exhaustion is the result of insomnia, but I’ve been using that time to plan out TTRPG campaign stuff. I think I have some really fun creative encounters. I think I probably will try to write it out and find a way to release it, just in the interest of getting more people to play the anime campaign system (or whatever they end up renaming it to when the epithet erased version of the rules drops… eventually). I might throw together art for that too, but that’ll be a ways off, after the writing and encounters are done. Plus ideally I’d want the module to be available for free, so I don’t need to add too much anyway.

Last thing, as I mentioned I’m a bit unsatisfied with where I am with art stuff. I want to thank everyone who has been sticking around, I am trying to make it worthwhile for you too. But whenever I am unsatisfied with myself I need to learn a new skill, so I may be dipping my toes into pixel art soon. I do have that 16bit ish instrumental song I mentioned, that’s been on the back burner since January but I’ve finally been hit with the inspiration to finish it, and a little pixel animation would be nice to go with it, but that would require me to learn pixel art itself first, so I’ll try to do that in the coming weeks. Idk how soon though.

This next week will be primarily dedicated to clearing up schoolwork and fixing my sleep problem. After that I’ll try finishing up that cover song, finishing up comic thumbnailing, and finishing up that instrumental song, in that order. Anything else is a bonus. Will class work and insomnia get in the way? Probably, but I’m still doing my best.

[thetrashbois]

PINNED UPDATED FINALLY

Hey! I'm Spooky! I'm 25 years old, and use she/they pronouns.

I've had this blog for a very long time but it's been very on and off being used, And yet I keep coming back 👉👉

This blog is my vibing place for my self shipping! This can go anywhere from just reblogging my blorbos, to me actually making stuff! Mainly art and writing!

This blog is 18+ only. No minors. I like to keep all my content for this on one blog so that includes more sinful content. Though it will be tagged accordingly if you don't wanna see it! (Tags at bottom!)

I tend to switch around a lot to different fandoms and interests. It's rare I'll stop liking a fandom or character though. I have many Blorbos and the number only grows uwu

I have a lot of mental health stuff going and self shipping is a big coping mechanism for me. ✌️

I'm a system! I don't really plan to talk about it much on this blog, but on the off chance it comes up I'll say it ™️

I have two amazing partners, @calamari-minecraft-corner and @angelover44 . ❤️

My main is @spooookyqueen, I follow from there!

I'm not gonna do a full DNI this time cause I don't have the braincells, and people don't always respect them anyway, but I will set a few ground rules.

Obviously any basic DNI stuff would apply.

I wanna keep discourse of any kind off here for the most part, it stresses me out and if im gonna talk about that sort of thing it would be on my main and not my self shipping blog.

For the most part everyone is welcome here, just don't be an ass or just straight up make me or anyone uncomfortable.

I do on occasion post darker topics here, especially given I like a lot of evil or fake characters. I don't not support anything of the sort irl. This obviously does not include the obvious no-nos.

Anything with dark content will be tagged accordingly. If anyone needs me to add more tags I will gladly do so. And if I forget, please don't hesitate to let me know. (Just don't be rude about it)

I can't promise any form of logic for when I post and what I post. My ADHD makes me a bit all over sometimes so there's no schedule or anything. Sometimes I might not post for a long time, it's really just up to what I see, feel up to.

Asks are always open! Just don't be rude or disrespectful is all I ask. I am just vibing here after all.

I'm not above blocking if y'all can't behave though.

I have many silly aus and such. Sometimes crossovers. What one with a small brain might call "cringe"

Jokes on your cringe culture is dead though and I killed it 💜

FR tho, Were all just having fun here 👉👉

Also sorry for any spelling/grammar issues on here or on any other post of mine, I struggle a lot sometimes with my ADHD since my brain tends to be faster than my hands. And if I don't type quick enough I tend to lose my thoughts

Main Tags I use below, Will add F/O Tags as I go ✌️

General Tags

#Cala my beloved Posts involving @calamari-minecraft-corner

#Katlyn my beloved Posts involved @angelover44

#Suggestive Not quite going into sexual territory but the implication is there

#Sinful Mature content, namely the sexual sort

#My Memes

#My Edits

#My Art

#My Writing

Blorbo Tags

#Wesker or #Albert Wesker Albert Wesker from the Resident Evil franchise & Dead By Daylight

#Eddie or #Eddie Gluskin Eddie Gluskin from Outlast: Whistleblower

#Darkiplier Darkiplier from Markiplier's Ego Videos (Or as I call them the Markiplier Cinematic Universe)

#Damien or #Mayor Damien Damien from Markiplier's Ego Videos (Or as I call them the Markiplier Cinematic Universe)

#Celine or #Seer Celine Celine from Markiplier's Ego Videos (Or as I call them the Markiplier Cinematic Universe)

#Astarion or #Astarion Ancunín Astarion from Baldur's Gate 3

#Gale or #Gale Dekarios Gale Dekarios from Baldur's Gate 3

#Raphael Raphael from Baldur's Gate 3

#Miguel or #Miguel O'Hara Miguel from the Spider-Verse Movies

#Spot, #The Spot, or #Johnathon Ohnn Johnathon Ohnn/The Spot from the Spider-Verse Movies

#Vox Vox From Hazbin Hotel

#Lucifer or #Lucifer Morningstar Lucifer from Hazbin Hotel

Will add more as I go, anyway, thanks for reading ✌️

[inkofamethyst]

March 13, 2024

Happy covid-iversary, yay. "Two weeks to stop the spread," is a saying that will haunt me my entire life, I think.

I didn't actually journal on March 13 which is a shame in hindsight, but I remember not doing much. I lounged around my house because classes were cancelled, I picked my sister up from school, and we went to get ice cream. A lot of other people from my/her high school had the same idea, so the line was long, and I was too awkward to say hi to the people I kinda knew (but I always thought they were cooler than me (I genuinely think most people are cooler than me... which might be a problem in some respects, but I'll deal with that later.)).

Anyway I coded for 5 hours straight and got a working encounter system, a working character creator, and a working opponent set generator. There's still a lot to move from my note to the script, but, the game works, and everything I've written runs as intended. Is it fun? Well, right now, it's all the same. Name yourself, fight one-fight two-fight three (each only requiring one or two inputs), game ends. It was exciting the first couple of times, but now I want to add more for more variety, of course.

[edit: wrote the above a couple days ago and after a break it has returned to being kind of fun. I've also learned that instantaneousness kills all tension, so I wrote a few basic functions to delay and separate lines in various ways. Anyway I'm going to hold off on doing much more transcribing/coding from my pseudocode, since I don't want to get too far ahead of the final project timeline, and I don't even really know what the expectations are, so I could be way outside of bounds here and I just wouldn't know.]

[edit 2, next day: New plan. Going to write more detailed pseudo/update poorly-detailed pseudo, do some story planning for the secret ending that I don't intend to get to but hey yaneverknow, and try to balance mechanics/come up with items/do a bunch of the little things that sap a surprising amount of creativity.]

I also binged She-Hulk, and I loved it?! I thought it was going to be awful and cringey the way people online (dudes?) talked about it, but it was genuine, and meta, and actually had me laughing at times. I mean, that last episode? Come on!!! Sure, some of the vfx were just alright, but it's a show, and after six-odd years of AOS, I'm used to it. I'm glad they leaned into the unseriousness. Also,,,, Matt Murdock is such a hottie. The quips, the law banter, the violence, ahhhh. My dnd-friend strongly endorses Daredevil, but I've held off because I was afraid of the violence, honestly. But I'm a big girl, and I'm very good at closing my eyes.

Today I'm thankful for a successful antiquing run!!!! Early last semester I heard about this antique market, and I finally put in the effort to get there today, and it was amazing!!! I was looking for shared housewares (found the specific item I was looking for!) and unique vintagey jewelry. Didn't quite manage to find anything truly vintage, but I got a darling piece of simple costume jewelry and the most fantastic mug that's shaped like a head of lettuce (this description does not do its beauty justice). The necklace will be perfect for when I finally make my way to the opera, and the mug is like something a fairy would drink from. I stayed within my budget which means I have just a little bit left in my allowance to thrift for clothes, maybe on Friday or Saturday (since I'll be in lab all day tomorrow).

By the way, the antique store was amazing. It has at least five floors (I got tired after three and a half) and is filled to the brim with some of the most eclectic stuff you could ever find, with old-timey radios playing music from various eras throughout. Magical. I could waste a lot of money there.

Oh wait, before I go, yesterday was such a busy day that I didn't even journal but I:

Met up with a lab/classmate and their partner for a lunch and a stroll in the city which was fantastic. My original plan was to go see Dune and also to pick up some (red, short, block) heels I'd ordered, but I didn't end up liking the heels on me very much, and I was enjoying the pair's company too much to cut the time short with a three-hour movie.

Went to a paint night through a diversity org I'm in which was also fantastic. I painted a cute little mushroom scene! I don’t really consider myself a visual artist and I’m not a huge fan of acrylic but it was very relaxing so I’d love to try watercolor sometime. Also like,, because this isn’t my "preferred medium" it was SO nice to not be stressed about perfection and just go for it.

[rookiespropeller]

im in one of those phases rn where i profoundly miss ogcp's 2010-2012 era. like, i would've loved for the game to freeze there. keep new stories + new parties going ofc, but in that same style & vibe.

which is kinda what cpl is attempting to do, and i really do love the server, but theres only so much u can achieve w a team of around 10 volunteers (only 2 of them able to work full time, soon only 1) when updates need to be pumped out left n right

i watched an old ogcp video on youtube and saw that the lights at the dance club turned a different color as enough penguins changed to wear the same color. i had genuinely forgotten that was a thing, with how long it's been and how used i am to simply... not have that feature. but ofc the memories came back to me instantly and i longed to go back in time to live it again.

i really miss small details like these. not that many ppl care abt them, but to me it makes the world come a little bit more alive. i'm probably never gonna experience those lights changing by color again & it makes me sad

edit: rambling goes on below the cut bc i wanted my the rest of my thoughts to be on the post itself, not just in the tags

ofc its not just about the lights, but u get what i mean. with a large professional team who gets paid to keep things rolling, has enough employees + ressources to work on multiple things at once... theres a lot more u can do. and unfortunately, no cpps will ever be able to have that

like even going back to comparing w cpl. cpl cant have a weekly updating newspaper, or even any newspaper at all, bc theres not enough ppl to 1) write it 2) create/find fitting artwork to go on the pages 3) code it and put it into the game and 4) repeat all these steps on a regular basis. and the newspaper is only ONE thing among so many

there are lots features that are planned & already announced. they'll all get done eventually, but the thing is that if one feature is being worked on, there's no time to work on anything else. meanwhile, the community is expecting parties & events at the same rate the ogcp team was churning them out (and i don't blame them for it, new content and parties are a big part of what keeps the game active & exciting). problem is, whenever parties need to be worked on, development of new features is halted.

& then of course you can't forget to update the hidden pins, the Penguin Style, the Furniture + Igloo catalogs, the igloo music selection, the stage plays, the ice rink turning into the stadium (and vice versa) along with a new Snow & Sports, the blog posts, the community board, etc. etc. this is just what's coming at the top of my head. most of these are already not updating as often as ogcp updated them, yet are still incredibly difficult to keep up with

& THEN between all of that, there are bugs that need to be patched. but ofc no one wants to work on bugs when they're already completely exhausted from the rest of their workload + they're not getting paid for any of it

after all of this, it's near impossible to squeeze in stuff like garden animations at the mine shack, a working puck/soccer ball at the ice rink/stadium, stage scripts with clickable chat... or even color-changing lights at the dance club.

god this makes me so upset but its literally no ones fault. theres not much anyone can do abt it & it breaks my heart

i miss club penguin.