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steamberrystudio · 2 months ago

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2024 wrap-up and 2025 plans

It's been a really weird year for me and the last few months have been particularly challenging - so much so that I can't really remember much of the start of the year. There's been a lot that has happened and yet it feels like almost nothing has happened.

With a personal move in the works at the moment, and lots of lists and packing and cleaning, the last couple of weeks have felt like a blur of limbo as well.

But rather than just complaining let's jump into the wrap up and plans for 2025.

2024 Progress Wrap up

When looking back over a year of visual novel development, it can be really easy to forget progress and victories because it all smears together into an indistinct timeline.

You know stuff happened but you lose sight of the details of that stuff.

Even while writing this last night, I forgot that A Faerie's Tale was something completed and released this year. I remembered it just now while doing a final proofread of this post.

Development is such a long and repetitive process that you forget all the individual steps it took to get where you are. When I look back over 2024, I admit I feel like I somehow didn't do that much...that time slipped away while I did very little actual work.

And of course, that isn't true. (Or is it?? Self-doubt assures me that I didn't do anything noteworthy this year.)

When Stars Collide

At the start of 2024, When Stars Collide sat at 485,000 words. I was finishing up editing Asher's route but had portions of the other routes to draft. The UI was still the old design, most of the backgrounds were incomplete and none of the additional features like the flowcharts and affinity meters were set up.

I wanted to release an updated demo and the more new people told me they were playing the demo, the more I died inside because it was not at all reflective of the project any more. But I was missing critical backgrounds that I actually got only a few weeks before Episode 1 went to beta.

The point is that back at the start of 2024 the game was still very unfinished but I had big plans. My goal was originally to start releasing episodes in June of 2024 but editing and coding just took so much longer than expected that it just wasn't possible.

From a writing perspective, I learned that drafting and editing a game in this overlapping route style was hard. It was just genuinely so much more difficult than the separate route structure I'm used to. It really requires different processes and styles of planning than what I've done in the past. The burden of meticulously matching a timeline of events across 6 routes simultaneously is really tricky with the way I write and form the choices in my games.

You kind of have to either never refer back to anything that happens within a choice scenario or you have to remember and track a lot of variables and conversations and events. Additionally, writing one plot line from multiple relationship perspectives is actually quite tricky. Things have to align in very specific ways but you also kind of want to make sure that each play through is interesting. You don't want the conversations within the LI-specific content to be identical but they have to be similar enough you can manage the difference with a few key variables.

I honestly found it a really exhausting way to write. There's so much less complexity and so much more freedom when you are writing separate routes. And for that reason, the writing took a lot longer than I am used to.

One day I want to write up all my thoughts on route structure in visual novels but I haven't had time yet.

Ultimately I drafted about 172,000 words this year. The total word count of the game before I coded it was around 657,000 words - plus an additional 8-10k or so of bonus content. Of course, that shrinks when I code it but that was the total uncoded word count. So that is quite a jump from the 485,000 words I started with this year.

I always say that working on VNs really skews your view of what "a lot" of words is. To me, as weird as it is to say, 180k doesn't feel like that much writing, which is silly because it's like writing two YA novels.

But between the end of the Kickstarter for Gilded Shadows and the end of that year, I think I wrote about 250,000 words. That's 70,000 more words but in less time. I think it just shows how much more difficult writing WSC has been due to the structure of the routes.

I remember having a conversation with someone once where she told me that writing a game like Gilded Shadows is *definitely* harder and more work than writing a game like When Stars Collide. GS has multiple plots and a lot more words. In WSC, the routes share a plot, they share scenes and content, there's only one plot line and there are far fewer words.

I think it really underestimates the simplicity buff and the freedom buff that you get from having a single separate route in its own space time where you don't have to care as heavily about continuity across routes or a shared timeline of events or all of this other stuff that was such a burden to me when writing overlapping routes.

I maintain that I'm really glad I wrote When Stars Collide the way I did. I learned so much about game structure and choices and all this mechanical stuff about how visual novels work that I'd never really had to think about for. It was really, really enlightening.

But I will never do this game structure again. Lemme just say that.

Drafting aside, I had to also edit all that writing which was its own special layer of hell.

And then the art. The art has been enjoyable. I really love this game's aesthetic and the character designs. And the characters. I really enjoy them all so much. They are the most adorable crew of nerdy gremlins out there.

But the art has had is own challenges. I've done about 20 CGs for the game so far and a lot of them are easy enough but the colour slider MC is definitely a bit of a challenge for the CGs. With GS where I recoloured by hand, there were times that I had to slightly tweak Morgan's default colours to look good in CGs. For instance, one of her skin tones looked quite odd next to Magnus, who is very pink. And I had to just slightly tweak that skin tone in his CGs so they looked okay together side by side. It was easy to test that sort of thing before the CG even got into the game.

But I colour Wil in greyscale and I don't see them in colour until I test. And each colour available on the slider is represented by a number. And there are essentially 100 of them. So testing all of those isn't really viable. I do test multiple skin tones from my saves. But in some ways it's more cumbersome to make sure all of that looks good.

Wil also has 8 hairstyles…in two colours (which are recoloured manually because a couple of the hairstyles just don't really looks as good recoloured automatically (it's my art, not the dynamic colour slider tool).

It's a lot of work. Hair 5 usually puts my hand out of commission for the rest of the day (so I save it for last. Ha ha). I don't regret it and again, it's something I wanted to to do as an experiment. I knew that 5 hairstyles was probably manageable and 8 was definitely pushing and I was right so no hard lessons really learned there. It's sometimes valuable experience to push yourself right to that line and really see where the division between "feasible" and "too much" really is. Because then it's no longer hypothetical. You know where the line is.

A lot of how WSC is set up was me testing if the line was where I thought it was.

Beyond the art, I also got all the other new features set up and experimented with a few things I hadn't been planning on. Many of those features had the core elements set up and coded by wonderful programmer friends and colleagues (Feniks and Windchimes and Jeneara) but I still had to implement all those things in the code to make them function as part of the game.

Which, for things like the flowcharts - is time consuming. Flowcharts are like that.

The flowcharts in WSC use a different method than the ones in GS. It's a brand new tool and I'm still learning how to use it but there are also some kinks that rear their heads (not those kind, you guys! The annoying kind that break the game!)

I think the feature most people are most excited about would be the save screen. It's quite popular. Ha ha.

With all of that stuff done, I was able to finally….*finally* release the official version of Episode 1 to Patreon and on Itch.

And I released Episode 2 (minus two CGs that have been delayed by an abrupt move to a new place and me just not having time to draw right now) to Patrons in early access. (and the Itch version should go out mid-January. I hope).

So the point is…that is actually a fair amount of work that has taken place this year. And a lot of challenges that have been met and overcome.

A Faerie's Tale

Another thing I did this year was finish and release A Faerie's Tale as part of Amare Fest and with a team of friends to help out.

AFT is a concept I've had since about 2020 (prior to WSC actually). It was based on a dream I had as was always meant to be a cute little side project. But it kind of fell by the wayside in favour of my larger projects.

Being able to get it released was definitely fun. Jen and I definitely want to go back to it and release Lachan's route though - it was something we didn't have time for previously and it would be nice to get it truly complete.

Thornewood

And while I haven't specifically mentioned it anywhere outside of my server and Patreon...

The truth is...

I've secretly been planning my next project. But not really all that secretly since I have mentioned it a few times.

I've been torn, for a while, on two projects I'd like to tackle. One is called The Crown Wheel and the other is called (tentatively) Thornewood. I still go back and forth over which one I really want to do next.

Crown Wheel is the one I *really* want to get out there. It's another story that's close to my heart with some ancient characters of mine that I really love and would love to throw out there for other people to enjoy. But…

Thornewood is a bit more solid a project when it comes to planning and plot. Crown Wheel is a little more nebulous in terms of where the story would go. I'm getting side tracked…I'll get into this more in my 2025 plans.

I have not been working on any other project regularly or in any truly significant way. I've really been working on outlines and character profiles more than anything and I typically do it late at night when I can't sleep but can't draw any more because I'm resting for the day and while I just don't want to be working on WSC because I worked on it all day.

I think I have about 13000 words of outline. I did a rough summary of each route and have been trying to expand those and detail them out a little bit more. So technically that is work I've done this year too.

2024 still somehow feels like a weird year for development. I can't articulate why but it definitely was an odd year for sure.

So What are my 2025 Plans?

That's really the big question at this point. What is in store for Steamberry Studio?

First and foremost, the plan is to get When Stars Collide fully released. This isn't as straightforward as it seems though. With the writing complete, I'm focused on the coding and art, but...

Coding expressions is currently a bit tedious because there have been a ton of group scenes in this game so far. This is because it is somewhat of a 'closed set' so when you are not 1x1 with a love interest…you tend to be with a group. This will diminish in upcoming chapters as the plot kicks off more and you also get longer scenes with the love interests. But unfortunately it does come back in the last few chapters.

But for now I'm looking forward to heading into parts of the game that are more 1x1 or at least smaller groups at a time.

Additionally the CG situation has been somewhat up in the air for me. I was originally planning to do CGs in every chapter but I wasn't sure if that would a) be sustainable for me and b) make sense.

I suspected that there would be chapters coming up where there just weren't necessarily any good CG moments. So the "CGs in every chapter" thing was always going to be a bit squishy.

I know, for instance, that chapter 6 probably won't have any because there aren't any good moments for it to be honest?

Anyway. I am thinking that I may take a less formulaic approach to CGs and focus on making sure there are CGs in every episode if not every chapter. Maybe chapters 5, 8, 10...and then...Idk. One or two of the ending chapters.

Even if it's just four of the remaining chapters, that's still 24 more illustrations for the game. Which I feel like is a very reasonable amount considering there are already about 20.

Another thing I'm really going back and forth on is the nature of episodes moving forward.

Do I want to continue with 2 chapters per episode or do I want to drop to 1 chapter per episode? I battle myself on this all the time. It's such a hard call for me.

One challenge with moving into single chapter episodes is that I just feel the episodes would be less satisfying with only one chapter. Realistically the chapters aren't that small - even the short ones are more than 30,000 words each. That's...half a YA novel.

But, again, *realistically* when we reduce that to a play time, it's not that much.

People consume unvoiced visual novels at a rate of about 250 words per minute. That means 15,000 words per hour.

So 30k is just two hours of content. When you start dividing this up between "main plot" and "LI route content", you start whittling away at how much content *per character* there is. If there are 20,000 words of "LI content" - yeah, that's more than half the chapter. But that gets divided by 6 characters. And that means 13 minutes of playable content *including all the choices* for each character which isn't a lot. And most people are not going to play through every choice option.

Which means people could be getting through the unique content for their favourite character in less than 10 minutes.

By combining chapters, that means we get episodes that are 70,000 words or 90,000 words. It boosts the amount of content per character by a significant amount and that is really what I'm looking at when I consider episode layout.

I try to think about what is going to make for the most satisfying episode for players. The drawback of 2 chapters per episode is that it's…a lot. It's a lot of expressions. It's a lot of flowchart work.

It just takes more time.

Regardless of whether it's just 1 chapter at a time or whether it's 2 chapters at a time, I really want to move forward with steady releases and get the game fully released to players in 2025. That is obviously my primary focus going forward.

The story is finished. It's burning a hole in my laptop. (Not really). But I want to get it released.

Having the story already written but delivering it in smaller bites to players is doing a lot to save my drawing hand from inevitable doom but it's so hard for me mentally. I know the things coming up in future episodes and I'm so keen to release it and see reactions and talk to people about it. And it's just so difficult to not be able to do that as fast as I want.

I'm trying to be patient and I hope all of you are willing to be patient with me.

In other work…

I will likely continue to plan out my next game on the side, though I don't intend to start working on it or writing it until WSC completes. It's too hard to manage two projects like that - at least for me - most of the time.

When it comes to Thornewood (the most likely contender for 'next project'), it is a 'dark fantasy' in that the setting is gritty and grimy fantasy with an underlying darkness in the world. It's not really a dark romance though.

I always view dark fantasy as including settings where the darkness comes from outside the main character interactions. The setting is dark and the stories have danger and darkness....

But dark romance is when the relationships themselves are also dark. And I feel like I don't really write dark romance. I don't write perfect relationships either but I wouldn't describe them as 'dark' by any stretch.

Either way I'm looking forward to working on something more overtly fantasy again.

I've been dabbling in science fiction for a long time now (since 2019 - that's when I started Gilded Shadows!!) and I've been wanting to move back into fantasy settings for a while now.

Even just working on the profiles and outlines and world building for fantasy projects, it feels like the Fae and the magic are calling me back home. So I'm really eager to wrap up WSC and bury myself in a more fantasy themed setting again.

But I have a long journey to get to that point.

There's a lot to do in 2025 and I still have a lot of stories to tell.

I hope you will all be here with me for the journey.

#whenstarscollide #game development #indie otome game #amare game

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chimcess · 9 months ago

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Waterlog || pjm (4)

Pairing: Jimin x Reader Other tags: Olympic Swimmer!Jimin, Ex Olympic Swimmer! Reader, Swim Coach!Reader Genre: Strangers to Friends to Lovers!AU, Coach!AU, Swimming!AU, HEAVY Angst, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, fluff, eventual smut, I'm so soft for these two it's crazy. Word Count: 11.8k+ Synopsis: After a car accident ends her athletic career, Y/N has slowly started rebuilding her life again as a high school swim coach. That’s until she gets a request from an old friend and finds herself back in the spotlight as the new coach of Olympic swimmer, Park Jimin. Warnings: ANGST, crying, mental health issues, talking about mental health, I'm so soft for them it's actually wild, best boyfriend Jimin, did I say angst????, past drug use, past alcohol addiction, past trauma talk, crying, anxiety, hand holding, touching as a love language, Jimin can't keep his hands to himself, he does try his best though, pining, sexual tension, banter, I love these two A/N: I know we're a couple of weeks late updating, but I've been very busy with moving so I haven't had the energy to write. I did a very quick edit, so this might not be perfect. I'm planning on coming back once I'm in my new place to do a full proofread. Hope you like the update!

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Hand clutching my phone, I sighed. All around me the airport buzzed with life. I had almost forgotten how hectic the Denver Airport was. A few feet away I saw a mother struggling to keep her children together while her husband scrolled on his phone. I must have made some sort of noise, subconsciously voicing my annoyance, because Jimin laughed.

“What’s going on, gran?” He teased, voice light. “See a couple of youngins on your lawn?”

I scoffed, tearing my eyes away from the family. “Just a shitty husband ignoring his children.”

He hissed, sucking in air through his teeth, “The worst kind of dude. Are you alright?”

Softening, I finally spotted my luggage on the conveyor belt. Twisting my torso, I did a light stretch and then quickly snatched the heavy bag up. “Not too anxious, right?”

He had been very worried about letting me come home for a visit. When I had originally brought it up he offered himself up for the job, but I was not a fan of that idea. My friends would definitely bring up our date and I did not want to deal with the awkwardness that would cause. Especially since we had yet to go on it. That would not matter to Hoseok, however, and the teasing would have been endless. Better to spare Jimin from their wrath for just a little while longer.

“I’m cool,” I replied, softening. “Just got my stuff from baggage claim. I’m going to let you go so I can call Andy.”

“Okay bug. See you in a few days.”

Harper had recently started calling me that, forgetting my real name and not caring enough to ask for it. Eloise had tried to scold her for it, but I told her I did not mind it. It caught on with Cameron not too long after that, and soon the entire Park family had started using the little nickname. Jimin thought it was adorable from the beginning but had only started using it after our talk the other night.

I laughed, “I’m going to call you tonight.”

“Aw,” I knew he had that stupid smile on his face. “Miss me that much?”

“Someone needs to make sure you’re staying out of trouble,” I replied, a confident pep in my step I had not had in years. “But yes, I do miss you.”

There was a pregnant pause.

“I miss you too.”

I could feel my heart melting. I was still getting used to our new dynamic. On most days we were strictly business, and were able to set aside the very large, very apparent elephant in the room. It was not until we had finished with work that those roles dropped, and we were able to just be us.

Ever since my confession in the car Jimin spoke a hell of a lot more. Apparently, he had a hard time keeping his feelings to himself and chose to talk a little less in order to avoid a slip up. He wanted to give us both a little bit of time to get to know one another before springing his crush on me.

“Going soft, kid?” Playing things off with humor was Jimin’s thing, but it had slowly started to rub off on me. “It’s only two days.”

“I know,” He pouted. “Call your friend. It’s cold and you’ll get sick.”

“Hey,” I cut the teasing tone I had, “You’re not upset I came here by myself, right?”

“No,” He chuckled with an unmistakable fondness. “I’m just messin’ with you. I’m not ready to meet your friends and you need some alone time. We’re good, I promise.”

I sighed in relief, “Okay. Good. I’m going to go now. Talk to you later?”

“Call me when you can,” He replied, voice light.

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye, bug.”

I was disappointed to hear the line go dead but knew I could aimlessly walk around this airport all day if given the chance, so long as he was there with me. Trying to get my thoughts back on track, I sent a text to Andy asking if she was here yet. If not, I was already making plans to call Jimin back.

Andy: I’m parked in 5 near C Gates

Andy: Be careful

Andy: Saw a lady almost get hit by a car just now

Me: See you in a sec

Me: Should I be worried?

I knew she was trying to make a joke, but car accident punchlines never went over all that well with me. Even if I knew the chances of that happening to me were almost zero, I really did not want to have a panic attack in the airport parking lot.

Andy: Not at all. I’m so sorry for even saying anything. I can come meet you at the doors if you want.

Deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. Deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. Sigh of relief. I was fine.

Me: I appreciate you

Me: Is babygirl here?

Dani would help the spike of anxiety dissipate. The girl was fearless and was sure to be distracting enough to keep me from paying attention to the oncoming traffic. I suddenly wished that Jimin was here. He always knew what to do.

Andy: Jin and I are weak

Andy: We let her play hooky

Bobbing and weaving through bodies, I tossed my phone into my purse and made my way out of the airport. The arrivals station was packed, and I would need to take the automated train to where Andrea was parked. It was my least favorite part about this airport, but it beat Dallas-Fort Worth by a landslide. I had gotten lost in that airport more times than I could count.

Three minutes later I was getting out of the train and stepping into C Gates. I could smell Auntie Anne’s and felt my mouth begin to water. Checking my clock, I decided it would not hurt to make a quick spot for lunch. Andy would appreciate it and I knew Dani loved their pretzel dog.

There was a little less traffic in C Gates. More of the expensive airlines let out here, and all you could see were business professionals pacing back and forth. A family on vacation bumped into me while I was waiting in line, and I almost gave up my spot when their toddler started screaming.

“No, no,” His mother insisted, her hair a mess on the top of her head. “Between the girls and my mom, we’ll be here all day. Go ahead, sweetie.”

Two little girls danced around me as we waited, the line moving at a snail's pace due to the airport being understaffed. They asked me questions incessantly, and while their mother had tried her best to keep them in line, I told her I was fine with the extra attention. I loved kids and the girls were harmless. The boy in her arms kept repeating “pizza” and soon an elderly woman joined them.

If the girls talked a lot, they had nothing on grandma. Not only did she never shut her mouth, she was loud and obnoxiously laughing every few seconds. The boy was quick to beg to be in her arms and mom got a break. She was back to attempting to corral the girls, but again they did not really listen.

“They’re only like this when my mom’s around,” She sighed, frustrated and tired. “We’re meeting up with their father and they’re all a little restless.”

“It’s no bother,” I lied. The girls really were not that bad. Just a couple of four-year-olds having fun. The only person who was really getting on my nerves was her mother, but I was not about to say that. “Better to get it out now than in the car, right?”

She cracked a tired smile, “Right.”

Finally, it was my turn to order. The young girl behind the counter gave me an award-winning smile while another young blonde was in the back getting all of the orders out.

“Hi, welcome to Auntie Anne’s. How can I help you today?”

“Can I get one original pretzel, one cinnamon sugar pretzel, and a pretzel dog combo with a lemonade and cheese,” Glancing behind me, I sighed. “Throw in a pizza pretzel, two orders of pretzel nuggets, and whatever else the family behind me wants.”

She smiled, blue eyes twinkling prettily in the bright lights. Turning around I waved the mother over and told her to get something for her and her mother. She put up a small fight, but eventually gave in when she realized I had already put our orders together.

“Thank you so much,” I thought she might burst into tears when my card was approved. “You really didn’t need to do that.”

I shrugged, “It was nothing. Have a nice vacation.”

Walking to the pickup area, my order was already waiting for me. With nothing more than a simple wave, I left the dysfunctional family behind. The grandmother’s loud thank you seemed to echo off of the airport walls, but it was a little less grating now that I knew I would never hear it again.

Andy threw herself at me when I finally made it outside, little Dani wrapping her arms around my legs with squeals of delight louder than her mother’s. Taking her pretzel, Andy gave me a fat, wet kiss on the cheek and told Dani she could eat in the car.

“How’s gymnastics, girlie?” I asked the little girl once we were in the car. “Still kicking ass?”

“No,” She laughed. “I quit, like, forever ago. Appa put me in ballet classes.”

I gave Andy a look. The red head rolled her eyes, fixing me with a knowing look. I had been telling Jin to put her in dance for years.

“It’s been two weeks and she’s already trying to talk him into figure skating.”

“You’re a little hustler, huh?” I reached into the back, squeezing her knee. Dani giggled, angling her body away from mine. She was very ticklish. “Keep at it. You know your dad’s a sucker.”

Dani laughed, “My vovó says the same thing.”

We listened to Olivia Rodrigo on our way to the Kim house. Hoseok and Matilda had planned a huge coming back party for me, and from what it sounded like, I was going to meet Tilly’s new boyfriend.

“Anything I need to know about Max?” I asked.

Andy was almost as in the dark about the guy as I was but was able to tell me he was a tattoo artist from California. The two of them met at Frank’s bookstore and by the end of their conversation Max had managed to get her out to dinner and in his bed. It was a whirlwind romance, one that made me feel uneasy about its foundation, but I was still obligated to be happy for my friend. They could be soulmates for all I knew, and I was not about to judge anybody else for their version of a first date.

“I don’t want to talk about tattoo guy anymore,” Andy whined playfully, turning up the radio when “Good 4 U” came on. “I need to know more about your little boyfriend.”

I groaned, “He’s not my boyfriend.”

This was why I was so adamant Jimin stayed away. We had yet to have a real talk about what we were, choosing to wait for our first date to iron out those details, but no one in my circle seemed to understand. All they heard was the word date and suddenly wedding bells started going off.

“Stop deflecting. We both know he’s your boyfriend, official or not,” She laughed, stealing looks at her daughter in the rearview. “What’s he like?”

It was a hard question to answer. On the one hand, I felt like I knew him better than anybody else, but I was self aware enough to know I didn’t. His body language, the way he looked when he beat his best time, and all of his preferred gear were seared into my mind. The movies he liked, his favorite albums, and all of the best tv shows ever made. He went to college. He was the sweetest, kindest, most understanding person I had ever met, and yet… he still felt far away. The shadows that oftentimes clouded his vision were still a mystery to me, and when he came into practice with a lost look on his face, I felt helpless. I knew him and yet I didn’t.

“He’s quiet,” I finally landed on. “Very nice. Always willing to help other people out if he can. You’d like him.”

Andrea scoffed, “That’s it? The first guy you’ve dated in years and all you can tell me is I’d like him?”

“We’re still getting to know each other,” I sighed. “What do you want to know?”

We spent the rest of the car ride going over the last two months' worth of pining. I told her about Fiona, Jimin’s family, and all of my new friends. She almost pissed herself laughing when I told her about the night he asked me out, making so many Hoseok and Tilly jokes I had a difficult time focusing on the story. Andrea seemed to be finished with her interrogation when we pulled up at her house.

Dani ran to the front door, her excitement about the party making any discomfort I had disappear. It was hard to feel uncomfortable with her around. Taking my hand in hers, the little girl shifted her weight from foot to foot, shouting at her mom to hurry up, and opening the front door anyway. Andy told her to calm down, and I just chuckled and went along with it.

The living room was filled with all of my favorite people, a large ‘welcome home’ sign hanging on the large, backwall. Underneath it was a huge table covered in food, a cake in the middle of it, and I had a feeling Sarah made it. Both her and Frank were the first people to notice me, their faces lighting up, and I let go of Dani’s hand in favor of embracing the elderly couple. The rest of the party comers erupted their voices loud and filled with love as they took turns passing me around.

“Missed you, Otter,” Hoseok murmured in the crook of my neck, hands secured around my waist.

“Missed you more,” I replied, releasing him and catching Tilly. “Jeez, girl. Trying to kill me?”

“Come meet Max,” She replied, dragging me away from Hoseok.

Max was a tall, lanky guy with black hair that fell down his back. His clothes were on the baggier side, all black, and I recognized the band on his t-shirt from the shit Matilda liked to listen to in the car. He smiled at me, and I was surprised to see him rocking adult braces. He introduced himself, his voice deep and warm, and shook my hand. They were baby soft and covered in tattoos.

“It’s great to see you,” I replied, genuinely meaning it. If I had to picture a guy more perfect for Tilly, I would come up empty handed. “Thanks for coming.”

He flushed, impossibly pale skin turning a bright shade of red reminding me of Jimin.

“Anything for Mattie,” He replied.

Huh, he had his own nickname for her and everything. I would need to hang out with Max more before I could say if I liked him or not, but so far, I had a good feeling. Andrea’s worries seemed a bit silly now. They really liked each other, and Tilly’s heartbreaking, dimpled smile made me feel more confident in her partner. They would be just fine.

The party was fun, and I ate more spinach and artichoke dip than was healthy. Hoseok and I talked about my afterschool visit tomorrow. The boys had a swim meet Saturday and the two of us were hoping we could tag team in order to iron out any issues they had been having. I was being placed in charge of the freshmen while Hoseok made sure the other kids were feeling confident and ready for the meet.

"Let's party!" Frank boomed, lifting a beer into the air.

I laughed, "Be careful, old timer. Don't want you to hurt yourself."

I thought of Jimin again. That sounded like something he would say. Surrounded by the people I loved, I laughed hard and partied harder. The plates of food came one right after the other, and I was happy that I still had a place here. Falling back into my step, I fit seamlessly back into the fold.

"Dance with me," Hoseok demanded, tipsy and red-faced.

"It's your toes," I replied, taking his head and letting him take the lead.

The other couples were already dancing and hooped and hollered as I awkwardly followed the steps. I was not always a bad dancer but lost some of my rhythm in the accident. Hoseok never minded and let me step on his feet without a single complaint.

"You look happy," He commented, spinning me around.

I smiled, "I am."

He smiled back, wincing when I stomped down on his toes again. I apologized, but he just held my hand a little tighter and kept moving. I hummed along to the song, filled with joy. He spun me again, and finally let me go when I slammed into Jin.

"Go get some cake or something," He laughed. "You're too dangerous to be out here."

I rolled my eyes, "I tried to tell you. It's your fault you don't listen."

"Don't need you anyway. I have enough swag for the both of us."

I watched, thoroughly amused from the sidelines, as he moon-walked around the living room.

I left just before midnight after staying behind to help Andy and Jin clean up. The others left a few hours before to get back to Denver at a decent time. My house looked the same as always, dark and empty, but I could tell the landscapers had been around. The grass was recently cut and edged.

The silence inside was deafening. I had always known my place was too big for one person, but after spending so much time in my little she-shed at the Andersons’ house, everything here just felt excessive. Tossing my keys in the bowl beside the door, I wiped my eyes and decided to just head to bed. I would only be here for three days. I would be back in Saline before I knew it.

Dragging my body upstairs, this sudden depression-filled fatigue made my shoulders feel ten times heavier. A chilling, almost insidious, hollowness began to spread across my body. I knew this feeling all too well and it made me feel pathetic. Could I not be on my own anymore? Had I really grown that attached to my life in Michigan? Finally getting into my bedroom, I realized that I had.

Saline was perfect. Living in Colorado Springs has always bothered me. The people here held more traditional values and making friends was difficult. I had Andy and Jin, but they were both very busy people. Andrea was a full-time nurse, Jin’s schedule was somehow even more erratic than his wife’s, and when they were off, they wanted to spend time with Dani. I was lucky if I saw them once every two weeks.

Hoseok, Tilly, and Minho all lived in Denver, and while I saw them more often due to the meetings with Frank and Sarah dragging me into the city, it was not like we hung out every time I was out there. Days would go by with me speaking at all, and most of my weekends were spent in bed sleeping. Working at the school helped, but I would never claim anyone from the swim team to be a friend. I was not in the habit of befriending children.

Living in Saline was different. Jimin was always there to make me laugh, and when he wasn’t, I had people like Taehyung and Sam to keep me company. Giselle was young, but we got along so well I often forgot about the difference in age between the two of us. Megan and Yoongi were Michigan’s own version of Andy and Jin, and I could see myself becoming good friends with them given enough time. No one had kids, no one was too busy trying to keep up with crazy expenses, and I could find a little house away from the rest of the world to spend my life in.

I thought of the Parks, a family who I had come to love more than I thought was possible, and the Andersons who took me in and always tried to make me feel comfortable. Eloise and her kindness. Luna and Cameron. All of them. I loved and adored every single one of them, and it was then that I finally let myself really think about what I wanted.

Did I want to come back here after I was finished with the season? Did I really want this massive house if it meant I had no one to share it with? No, I decided. Stripping out of my clothes, the numbness was being replaced with a different strange feeling. It felt suspiciously like hope. Excitement came to me so rarely it was foreign and odd, but nice all the same. Jittery, I took my phone out of my pants pocket.

“Hello?” Jimin’s voice was scratchy when he finally picked up.

“Sorry,” I muttered. “Did I wake you up?”

“Yes, but it’s okay,” I could hear him shuffling around in his bed. “Did you have fun?”

“Yeah,” I breathed, climbing into bed. Then, without thinking, I blurted, “I think I want to move to Michigan.”

I held my breath as I waited for his response. There was no telling how this conversation would go, but I was hopeful. Even if this whole date thing did not go very well, I was positive that we would be able to move past it with a little bit of time. We worked well together and if he was comfortable with it then we could continue working together. Regardless, there was always coaching at a school.

“Like, permanently?”

I nodded but after a moment of silence remembered he could not see me.

“Yeah.”

My stomach started to churn. As the silence on the other end began to stretch, the excitement I felt before faded. Even if I said Jimin and I could get past a potentially awkward break up of sorts, I would not pretend that the thought did not make me physically ill. We would never be the same if that happened. It would be something to think about if it came to pass before the Olympics was over.

“Did something happen?” He finally asked, and I could hear the genuine worry in his tone. “Are you okay?”

The fear shifted to hurt, irritation, and anger, making my eyebrows knit together.

“I’m fine,” I could not keep the bite from my voice. It was petty and wrong of me, but his insinuation that I was not in my right mind was insulting. It made me feel like a child. “Just- forget I said anything. I don’t know what I’m even talking about.”

“Don’t do that,” His steady calmness made me even angrier. “I’m only asking you because it came out of the blue, not because I’m not happy with the idea.”

Now I just felt silly. Here I was making these small revelations, waking him up from his sleep, and then getting snippy because he did not respond the way I had wanted him to. Ugh, I wasn’t even his girlfriend yet and I’m acting like Darcy. A shiver went down my spine. That was an insult above all others.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured, the attitude from a few seconds before gone as quickly as it came. “I got defensive for no reason. Sorry.”

He chuckled, the sound barely audible over the phone.

“I forgive you. Now, why do you want to pack your life up for good?”

That made me laugh. It was a sad, pitiful sound. One that did not hold my usual spunk. One I don’t think Jimin had ever heard before. It was impossible to feel sad when he was around.

“I forgot how quiet my house is,” I admitted softly. “I love my friends, but I think coming back just reminded me of how easily I was able to fall back into the routine of it all. Jin and Andy are parents, Tilly has a new boyfriend, and Hoseok and Minho are always so busy with their own lives that I don’t see any of them as often as I would like to.”

Turning on my side, I blinked back a few tears.

“It might sound stupid, but I really do love Saline. I like how busy I am and all of my friends. I bought this place with the hopes of kids and a dog one day, but I don’t think that’ll ever happen, and now it’s just rooms collecting dust. I just-” I let a tear fall, my emotions starting to bubble over. “I don’t like how lonely it feels out here.”

“Doesn’t sound like you like it there. Have you always felt like this?” He asked.

I shook my head, the tears free falling in between sniffles and shaky breaths.

“Not always. Ever since Namjoon died things have been weird. There was a point when I felt suffocated because no one would leave me alone, and then one day everything resumed, and I just got left behind. It was like I woke up and two years just passed me by.”

Jimin comforted me while I cried, telling me how much he hated to hear me so upset, while I worked on calming down. There had been a time in my life when I was not so emotional, but therapy had opened up a whole new side of myself I didn't know existed. Rubbing my face, I sniffled and sank deeper into my mattress. For now, the waterworks had stopped.

“You were recovering,” He soothed. “Your body needed time to heal, and you were traumatized. I don’t think anyone can blame you for zoning out for a bit.”

I hummed, “I know. Doesn’t make it easier to swallow.”

“I know how you feel. When I pulled out of the Olympics last time there was a part of me that felt like a huge failure, but my dad was there to help get my head back on straight. He doesn’t seem like it, but he’s a really great shoulder to cry on.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” My voice was like sandpaper. “James is the sweetest person I’ve ever met.”

I felt heavy. Worn. Used. My eyes begged for me to shut them, but we were just getting back into safer waters, and I didn’t want to burst the bubble. I yawned, covering my mouth and hoping Jimin could not hear the sound. He had gone quiet.

“Can I ask you something?” Jimin’s voice broke through the comfortable silence that had formed around us. “You don’t have to say anything.”

“Shoot,” I forced myself to smile.

“What happened to Namjoon?”

I closed my eyes. This was something I knew would come up sooner or later. My lip wobbled uncontrollably as the second wave of tears crashed over me. I hated talking about this, but I knew it was going to come up sooner or later. Jimin deserved the truth, and honestly, I wanted to tell him. Being vulnerable with someone felt good. Being vulnerable with Jimin was divine. He was always so ready and willing to go along with things, listening and watching my every move, and trying his best to understand me. It was refreshing. It was nice. It was familiar.

“Was he in the accident with you?” He asked and his voice was so, so gentle.

“Yeah,” I croaked, finally finding my voice. “I went out with some of my friends and got pretty drunk. I was tired and ready to go home, but my ride didn’t want to go home yet. So, I called Joon.”

I sucked in a deep, loud breath. Jimin told me I could stop, that I didn’t owe him anything, but I ignored him. This wasn’t about owing him. This was about letting the guy I liked get to know me. This story was a part of who I was, as fucked up as that may sound, and I wanted him to get to know this facet of my life as deeply as he knew the present day one.

“Anyway,” I continued. “He offered to come and pick me up. Twenty minutes later I’m getting into his car and we’re on our way home. We’d just gotten engaged and bought our first house together- things were perfect. I had never been happier.

“We ended up taking the long way home because of an accident on the interstate. It was my idea, and Namjoon had a knack for going along with whatever I wanted. We were only two minutes away from the house when we got hit.”

I took a few deep breaths and wiped my face. Jimin was quiet on the other end. After a minute or two, I jumped back into the story.

“There was a four-way intersection around the corner from our place. Our light was green when we drove up. I don't think he thought to check if there was another car coming. He never even saw the truck. He, uh, died on impact.”

“Jesus,” Jimin breathed.

“The other guy was drunk as hell behind the wheel. Not paying attention. Funny thing is, he was the only person who didn’t get critically injured. Just a broken arm and a concussion. He wrapped our car around a light pole. My leg was pinned between the car and the light, and the airbag is what caused the brain injury.”

Jimin cursed under his breath, “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry that happened to you.”

“Yeah,” I gritted out. “Me too.”

He let me cry for a little while, saying over and over again how sorry he was and how he wished he was in Colorado with me. I did not have anything to say to him. It felt like my chest had been ripped open and my heart was on full display.

I never questioned how quickly we went from barely talking, to joking around, to sitting up late at night on the phone talking about life. It just happened. Clutching my phone in my hand, I let out a deep breath and held back any more tears from falling. I never said it, but I wished he was here, too.

“Hey,” His voice was gentle when he spoke, so fragile and sweet, that I had to force down the sobs threatening to come out. “I just want to say I’m sorry for how I reacted earlier. You wanting to move here is probably the best thing I’ve heard all fucking year, but I just didn’t want to sway your decision.”

Sniffling, I tried to tell him I wasn’t upset, but he shut me down almost immediately.

“Let me finish,” His voice did not leave room for argument. “I know I don’t act like I’m insecure, but I am. I can be selfish and self-centered, and I’ve always had to really work on those parts of myself.”

“I don’t understand what that has to do with anything,” I mumbled, curling into a ball beneath my blankets.

“Like I said, I can be a very selfish person,” He sighed. “There was this part of my brain just wanting to hear you say you were coming here and staying with me for forever. I didn’t want that to take over the narrative. And- no offense, but if you did move all the way out here just to date me, I think I’d be a little creeped out honestly.”

I snorted. Hearing that he felt the need to explain any of that to me felt like a small win, even if it did make an alarm go off in my head. It took courage to be that open and honest with another person, especially someone who just cried their eyes out. His compassion and understanding never failed to amaze me, and I was grateful he trusted me enough to let me into his mind for once. Still, it did not make the creep comment any less funny.

“Don’t laugh,” He whined, unable to stop himself from chuckling. “I’m being serious.”

“So do you want me to be a creepy stalker or not?” I joked, hoping to lighten up the mood. “Make up your mind, kid.”

“I think I just want you to be yourself,” I melted. “That’s been working out just fine so far. I mean, if you are a creepy stalker, you managed to get me to like you.”

“Mission accomplished,” I breathed, still reeling from his sweet words. “You better watch out, 007. There’s a new spy in town.”

“So, I’m Bond and you’re Joe Goldburg?”

“Exactly,” My cheeks hurt from how much I was smiling. “Penn Badgley would be a decent James Bond. He was really great in Margin Call.”

I bit my lip, trying to suppress my smile.

“Holy shit, you actually watched it?”

Margin Call was one of Jimin's favorite movies from 2011. He kept a very large notebook filled with all of the movies he’s ever seen, along with ratings, and if he should ever watch them again. He went through it one day and came across the action film, rewatched it, and then spent most of the day talking my ear off about how great it is.

“Someone I know was very passionate about it, and it managed to pique my curiosity.”

Jimin sighed, but I could not tell what emotion was behind it. Definitely was not anger or frustration. Not sadness either.

“What time are you getting back on Sunday?” He asked, and I could definitely hear the affectionate tone his voice had taken on.

“Um,” I thought about it for a moment. “Six, I think.”

“PM?”

“Yeah,” I curled up under my blankets. It was beginning to get really cold inside, but I did not want to get up to turn the heat on. “I have to double check my flight times, but I know it’s somewhere around there. Why? What’s up?”

“I know we already made plans for next week, but I was thinking I could pick you up from the airport and we could go out.”

My face grew hot, “I don’t think I’ll be dressed for a date.”

“You always look great,” He assured me.

I laughed, nervous and embarrassed, “Thanks.”

We had originally planned our first date to be the weekend after I got back. Jimin was adamant about giving me an experience, and I had been more than happy to indulge him a little. He was just so cute when he got excited. We were running on a limited timeline right now, though, since he had an upcoming swimming fundraiser with Swim Across America in Allendale. The team was raising money for cancer research, and I was very excited to be there to show my support.

Moving the date up meant we would have less to do next weekend, unless Jimin still wanted to keep our plans in place, but it meant we could focus on the fundraiser instead of trying to juggle a date at the same time.

“I hate to go, but I’m really tired,” Jimin yawned. Pulling my phone away from my ear I was startled by how late it was. “I’ll text you in the morning, okay?”

I apologized for keeping him up so late. “Promise I won’t do it again.”

He hummed, already beginning to fall asleep, “Don’t mind. You’re always welcome to bother me in the middle of the night.”

“Night Jimin,” I whispered, blood pumping.

“Night bug.”

There was one thing I missed about Colorado- how quickly the snow melted. Michigan was seeing more snow as each day went by, but here in the mountains they would not start seeing the worst of it until the spring. For the first time in a month, I was able to forgo my large, puffy jacket in favor of a long sleeve and jeans. Jimin found my excitement over this endearing, sending a slew of heart-eye emojis in response to the mirror photo I sent him.

It was almost the end of the day when I pulled into the high school parking lot. The entire front office erupted in excitement when I walked through the front doors, hugs and well wishes overwhelming me. Sandra, the receptionist, could have talked all day if I let her, and after signing in, I politely told them all I needed to meet up with Coach Jung. I lied about stopping by on my way out and only felt a little bad about it. They were way too much for me.

“They’re going to be so excited to see you,” Hoseok mumbled, a smile stretching across his face as loud teenage boys got closer and closer to the pool house.

“I’m happy to see them, too,” I replied. “Should we wait until they change to make the grand reveal?”

He shook his head. “Would you rather hug now or when they’re in speedos.”

I shivered, disgusted by the mental image.

“Thanks for putting that in my head, you sick fuck.”

Choking on his spit, Hoseok bent over, laughing so hard he started to screech. His laughter reminded me of a ghost's wail and was contagious. We were both so wrapped up in our little bubble we did not notice the doors opening.

“Coach?”

Wiping my cheeks, I caught my breath and made eye contact with Jordan. Baby blue eyes widened while a large, dimple smile overtook his face. Behind him, Gabriel announced that I was here, and the room was filled with excitement. I was not much of a hugger, but I was happy to greet each boy with one. Gabriel hadn’t stopped speaking since catching sight of me and had a few accidental slip ups about how much he disliked Coach Jung.

Hoseok had alluded to that being their main issue right now. The boys were having a hard time adjusting to a new face and missed me dearly. To his credit, Hoseok admitted that he was still getting used to the coaching thing and made a couple mistakes his first few days here. He had made it a point to apologize to them for being a dick, but the teens hadn’t forgotten or forgiven him for his snappy attitude. Especially the two oldest.

“When are you coming back?” Marcus asked.

I smiled sadly, “I’ll be out for the rest of the year.” The tall boy deflated, sending a nasty look Hoseok’s way. “But,” I was quick to fix my mistake, “I’m planning on making trips to assist Coach Jung throughout the year. I wanted to be here for your last meet, but something came up.”

That something had been Jimin’s birthday, and I was not going to risk missing his party.

Regardless, Marcus and the team were very happy to hear they would be seeing me.

“I promise I’ll be here for graduation, too,” I added.

Gabriel offered to give me one of his tickets and I gratefully accepted the extended offer. We stood there and talked for at least fifteen minutes before I finally told them to get changed and into the water. Without protest, all twelve of them went to the locker room.

“You know,” Hoseok chuckled. “You're going to have to teach me how you manage to do that.”

“Cinnamon buns from Mountain Shadows,” I put on my whistle and grabbed my clipboard from my duffel bag. “They’ll be eating out of your hand in no time.”

The team was glowing. Jordan stood in the middle of the boys, a large smile on his face, as he praised them for giving the meet their best effort. Having another win under their belt, all of them were buzzing with excitement at a chance at nationals. They only needed to win three more competitions to qualify.

For the first time since I arrived, the icy contempt they held for Hoseok seemed to thaw. It brought a smile to my face. If I did not come back next year, I had a feeling the boys would be getting along much better.

“What’s for dinner?” Marcus asked, looking at me for an answer.

“Coach said something about burgers,” I replied, gesturing towards Hoseok. “You should ask him though. I could be wrong.”

Gabriel chimed in, “Yeah, we’re going to Bingo.”

My mouth watered. Bingo Burger was one of the best spots in town. Their fries were hot and crispy, and I loved their shakes. Mulling over my options for dinner, I always found myself stuck between the Gone Shroomin’ Burger and the Happy Hippie. For a vegan burger, that thing was really fucking good. Then again, a thick, juicy beef patty smothered in bacon, cheese, and mushrooms would hit the spot. Indecisive and bored, I fiddled around with my phone and somehow ended up texting Jimin.

Me: Gone Shroomin’ or Happy Hippie?

The noise on the bus was just in the background now and easy to tune out. Hoseok was laughing loudly with the freshmen while the two seniors were in a quiet conversation in the seat in front of me. Marcus and his girlfriend broke up recently. I stopped paying attention once my phone vibrated.

Jimin: No idea what that means

Jimin: Gone Shroomin I guess

I bit my lip, suppressing a smile.

Me: We’re going for celebration burgers

Me: The boys won and Hobi is treating them since we’re out in Pueblo and not getting back to the Springs until after dinner.

Jimin: Speaking of food… I was thinking we could get some BBQ on Sunday

“Y/N!” Hoseok called, making me look up from my phone. “Tell your boyfriend you’ll call him later.”

“We need you to be the tiebreaker,” Twig chirped.

“What for?” I sighed, glancing down at my screen.

Jimin: Have you been to Union Rec yet? It’s BBQ and a taqueria

Me: No but I’m always down for a burrito

“Do mermaids have gills?” Twig asked.

Fully pulled out of my phone, I flipped it around and gave the boys my undivided attention.

“Of course not. They’re mammals, so it would be a blowhole.”

Hoseok clapped his hands, “Thank you! That’s exactly what I said.”

Sliding further down in the booth, I closed my eyes and drowned them out again. Colorado’s air was so dry and crisp I was having to get used to the altitude change. I missed how wet and cold Michigan was. Smiling to myself, I remembered how much I hated it when I first landed. So much has changed…

Shuffling, I made myself more comfortable. We were only thirty minutes out from the Springs now, and we would be at Bingos right on time for Hoseok’s reservations. Feeling myself growing tired, I sunk even further into the booth. Eyes heavy, I let them slip closed, and slept for the rest of the bus ride.

Standing in front of my bathroom mirror, I smoothed down my skirt for the millionth time. The gray sweater I had thrown on seemed too casual now that I was looking at myself, but I did not know what else to do. It was a laundry day, but when I went to put my clothes in the dryer it refused to turn on. Violet said they needed a new one anyway, but that did little to improve my mood. The pretty red dress I wanted to wear was soaking wet and hanging from the shower rod to dry. I played with the skin on my lip, willing the black and gray outfit to somehow look nicer. On the other side of the phone, Andy sighed.

“You look fine,” She insisted, running her hand through her auburn hair. “Do a cute hairstyle and put on a nice pair of earrings, and you’ll be golden.”

“You don’t think it’s too plain?” I had asked her this five times now, and each time I got that same reply. “I mean, do I look like I’m going to a funeral?”

“The guy has seen you in sweats and no makeup and still wanted to take you out. Do you honestly think he cares about the color of your outfit?”

She had a point. Finally deciding to cave in and give up on my obsession, I took her advice to do something with my hair. A few of the strands were beginning to look silver, and my sideburns were looking paler every day, but after Hoseok told me he was starting to see a few grays, I decided to leave them be. If we were both going to be silver foxes, I liked the idea of doing it together.

“Are you wearing heels?”

“No,” I shook my head. I picked my phone up and went to my bedroom to find a pair of earrings. “It’s too icy. Silver or gold?”

She thought about it for a second, her face scrunched up cutely.

“Silver.”

I landed on some thick, gun-metal hoops. They matched the color of the sweater perfectly and did not take away from my face too much. I had spent too much time on looking this nice to have an accessory dominate. Andy was happy with my choice.

I had gotten back a little earlier than I originally thought I would, and asked Jimin if it was okay that I meant him at the restaurant out here instead of making him drive all the way to Detroit to pick me up. He had put up a bit of a fight about it but relented when I said I was hoping we could hang out at his house after dinner. I said I wanted to get myself home, but I was really trying to see how bad the drive was from his place to mine. The thought of spending more time in his space made me feel like a teenage girl.

“How’s ballet going?” I slipped on a pair of black tights. It was freezing outside, and I wanted to have as many layers on as possible. “Has Dani made any progress in getting her figure skating career started?”

Andrea laughed but said that her daughter was getting closer to her goal every day. Jin was weak and did anything the little girl wanted if he could. This was the only issue they were both bull-headed about. Jin wanted to teach her to be responsible and follow through on things, and Dani was tired of preparing for figure skating. She wanted to be on the ice and her dad was afraid of pushing her too far too young. I was most definitely a team Dani instigator, and it was a point of contention between Seokjin and I.

“What did you think of Max?”

I smiled. That boy was definitely a character. The gang and I had a nice dinner before I left Colorado, and Tilly brought along Mr. Tattoo guy. He was quiet and when he did talk, he always had something completely random and out of the blue to say. He fascinated me and when everyone started huddling in their own groups to chat, I turned most of my attention to the new guy.

He was a sweetheart, and it was a nice change of pace getting to know him. He hated being called Peter (his first name), went to college for nuclear engineering, and became a tattoo artist on a whim. A buddy of his wanted a new piece, paid Max to draw it, and trusted the guy with a tattoo gun. He was an apprentice in San Francisco for three years before moving to Denver to open up his own shop. For all of his eccentricity, he was very successful and down to Earth.

“He’s good for her,” I finally replied, zipping up my Doc Martens, I checked the time. I would have to leave soon. “I’m just happy there’s no drama between her and Hobi.”

It had been a year since they officially broke up, but I knew they fell into bed with one another a handful of times since then. Hoseok and I had talked about their weird relationship on one too many drunken nights, the swimmer the only person able I liked enough to force a glass of whiskey down. Tilly knew that I knew and would vent to me sometimes. They loved each other, knew one another better than anybody else, and it was easy to fall back into each other since we were in the same circle.

I doubted Andy knew anything about that, we tried our best to keep her out of the loop, but she always said that they still had lingering feelings. I hoped Hoseok was handling this news well. He seemed fine, happy even, so I just rolled with it. If he had a problem, I was sure I would have heard about it by now.

“Speaking of Hoseok,” The humorous tone in Andy’s voice caught my full attention. “Apparently, Jin saw him at The Rabbit Hole with some blonde girl before you got into town. He just remembered to tell me last night.”

This was news to me. Wracking my brain, I tried to figure out if he had brought up a date, or even a person he might be interested in, but nothing came up. Shrugging, I let it go. It was probably just some girl he picked up at the bar. Still, that would be an expensive date.

“He hasn’t told me anything about that,” I murmured.

“Might be why he’s not bothered by new boyfriend.”

I laughed, “Or it could be that they’ve moved on.”

“Oh, please,” She pulled a face, eyes rolling to the back of her head. “We all know that’s not true. At least, not until recently.”

“Regardless,” I sighed, grabbing my purse and walking out of the front door. “It’s none of our business. If they’re happy that’s all that matters.”

Andy raspberried, “Boo. I hate it when you’re all mature and adult-like.”

“And right,” I joked. “Don’t forget about that part.”

Locking up my little house, I made my way through the Anderson’s. Violet was watching the Golden Girls on the couch while Calvin was reading a book beside her. It was a sweet scene that made me smile. I wanted what they had.

I gave them a smile and wave as I passed by. Violet returned it in full, her eyes kind and gentle, before going back to her show. Calvin put his book down and asked what time I was planning on coming back. He wanted to keep an eye out for my car.

“Around midnight,” I replied, moving my phone away from my mouth. Andrea was rambling about the new doctor on staff. I trusted her disdain enough to know he was a huge dick. “See you two tomorrow.”

“Be safe out there,” He replied, going back to his copy of The Catcher and the Rye.

Andy and I were on the phone for the entire car ride into Ann Arbor. I enjoyed hearing her voice, the small distraction welcome when I felt my anxiety spike. Thankfully it was a Sunday night, and the streets were somewhat empty.

Once I got into the downtown area, I drowned out her voice completely. Andrea never minded. She just kept talking like I hadn’t stepped out of whatever conversation we were just having. Never got mad when I kept asking her to repeat herself either. She was a wonderful friend to me, and I was grateful to have her in my life. If I moved to Saline, she would be the person I missed the most.

I still hadn’t talked to anyone else about the possibility of moving. I was not sure how they would react, and I needed to have my mind made up before giving any of them the news. While I knew Andy and Jin would be supportive, and Tilly and Minho wouldn’t really care all that much (it just gave them an excuse to vacation in Michigan), it was Hoseok I was most on the fence about.

With him it could go either way. He would either be really happy and supportive or call me crazy. It came from a place of love, and I respected his opinion more than any of the others, so I had to be completely sure of myself before getting into something like that with him. If he thought for a second I was rushing into things he would go into overprotective, big brother mode and kill all of my excitement. He might even be able to change my mind if he fought hard enough.

Pulling up to the restaurant, I was impressed by the sheer size of it. One half looked like an old warehouse while the other half was a small, white bricked building. A red neon sign glowed in the night and a large party was hanging out outside of the building. I could see Jimin in their little group and smiled. He was a very popular man in this area and was able to make new friends wherever he went. If I had to guess, he knew someone and is now best friends with all of them.

“Hey, I just got to the restaurant. I’m going to let you go.”

“Okay, baby,” Andy replied. “Have fun. Talk to you later.”

“Text you when I get home,” I replied.

Andy was as hypervigilant about getting texts as I was. She was on staff at the hospital when Namjoon and I first arrived. I can’t remember anything from that night after getting in Joon’s car, but when Jin and I spoke about it he said Andy was one of the nurses having to help triage me. She had to be physically pulled away from my body once the doctors found out about our connection, but the image of my body that night is burned into her mind. She was the person who took care of me the most upon release and quit her job at the hospital for a little while in order to make sure I was well taken care of. Calls and texts were just our thing now and I always felt horrible for being part of such a traumatic event for her.

“Love you,” She said.

“Love you too,” I replied, hanging up.

Getting out of my car, I locked the doors and made my way over to Jimin. He caught sight of me before I reached the small group and broke out into a huge, heart stopping smile. Unable to stop myself, I smiled back and waved awkwardly. He said something to the group before meeting me halfway.

“Hey, you,” He said, wrapping his arms around me. “You look really pretty.”

I laughed nervously, squeezing his waist. “Thanks. I tried my best.”

Pulling away, I was able to admire him a bit better. He was wearing light jeans tonight, a rarity as he preferred sweatpants and slacks, and a black t-shirt. A leather jacket was a staple in his wardrobe, and he always said they kept him warm enough. I never believed him. As always, everything was a tight fit and showed off his body perfectly.

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” I said once my appraisal was finished. “Nice boots. Where’d you get them?”

He looked down at the black, Chelsea boots and shrugged, “Nordstrom, I think. Taehyung got them for me a few Christmases ago.”

Of course he did.

“Let’s go inside. I’m cold.”

Jimin laughed, “My apologies, ma’am.”

The restaurant was packed, but Jimin had arrived thirty minutes early to get us on their waitlist, so I only had to wait five minutes for our table to be ready. Jimin brushed off the gesture as first date etiquette, but I knew better. The kid was late to everything and yet he got here early so I wouldn’t have to stand outside in the cold. It almost made me reach out and hold his hand, but my nerves got the best of me. We were at our table before I could gather up some courage, leaving a disappointed, bitter taste in my mouth.

“I’m feeling Disco Fries as an app. You?”

Searching the menu for them, I nodded. “That sounds really good.”

We were quiet for a few minutes as we decided on what we wanted. The menu here was rather large, filled with Mexican foods and copious BBQ items. Having never been here before I had no clue what was good and what hasn’t, but from how many people were here I had to assume nothing was bad.

“Know what you want?” Jimin asked, breaking the silence.

I shook my head, “No idea. What about you?”

“I get the same thing every time I come,” He laughed. “The Korean BBQ Burger is really fucking good. I also like the enchiladas.”

Finding both items, my mouth watered. Everything sounded amazing, but I wanted to get a little out of my comfort zone. I just had burgers yesterday, so I was not feeling that. Maybe BBQ? Looking at the options, I shook my head. I could not eat a half pound of anything. Biting the dry skin on my lips, my brain felt like it was working on overdrive. Too many options.

“Welcome to Union Rec,” I jumped a little, startled. “I’m Annie and I’ll be your server tonight.”

My eyes locked with a pair of baby blues, and I immediately recognized her. She was the brunette from the bar a couple of months ago. Eyes sliding from me, she landed on Jimin and the bored expression on her face morphed into one of pure bliss. I did not understand why she had given me that nasty look back then, but it was much clearer to me now. She had a thing for Jimin. Remembering she had a boyfriend, one she screamed at over the phone, it made me feel nauseous. Poor Tom.

“Oh my gosh, Christian. What are you doing here?” She asked, sneaking a look at me.

“Got a hot date,” He replied cheekily, gesturing his hand my way. “You remember Y/N, right?”

She gave me one of those tight-lipped, fake smiles. I returned the favor. I was not really jealous per say, Jimin’s declaration making any possibility of that disappear, but I did not appreciate anyone trying to make me feel small. I was a gold medalist. I was a fucking Olympian. Whoever the hell this chick thought she was, I would make sure she never thought for a second she got under my skin.

“Yeah, we met at Brecon’s,” Annie replied, completely ignoring me. “Thought she was your coach.”

Jimin either did not catch the insult or he was choosing to ignore it. His smile was still just as pleasant as it was when we first sat down. I envied his ability to keep his emotions so controlled. I knew I must have been glaring at the poor girl.

“She is,” He shrugged. “Doesn’t mean she’s not my girlfriend. Are you taking our order or…?”

Annie spluttered for a second before regaining her composure. All affection in her eyes was gone and replaced by irritation. It was definitely directed at me, but Jimin’s dismissal must have stung. I was happy to be rid of her. Putting in our order for Disco fries, Jimin got a Sprite and Annie left before I could ask for a drink. Sipping on my complimentary water, I forced myself to breathe in and out. She was just a petty, annoyed girl with a crush. That was all. So, what if she was being rude? I was fine. Everything was fine. After the fifth sip, I actually believed it.

Trying to keep my tongue in check, I went back to looking through the menu. Finally able to make a choice, I decided on the birria beef ramen and closed the menu. Hopefully little miss Annie wouldn’t spit in it. Hot again, I took another long sip of water.

“Excuse me.”

Jimin flagged down another waiter, a pleasant smile on his face. Confused, I put down the glass and raised an eyebrow. He winked at me before laying the charm on thick.

“Hey Marty. Would you mind if we got a different server?”

The young girl nodded frantically, “Of course. Is everything okay?”

Jimin smiled, eyes like crescents. “Everything is fine. Just Annie on her bullshit. Don’t want to get her fired by talking to your dad.”

Marty rolled her eyes, “Figures. I’ll tell her I’m taking care of you guys. Just don’t expect me to be running around for you, man. I have an entire section by myself.”

“I want privacy anyway,” Jimin replied, smirking at me. “Thanks. I’ll tip you well.”

She laughed, “Just make sure you put it in my hand. That bitch has been stealing tips. Cosette is trying to convince pops to fire her, but you know how he is about the girl.”

Jimin shook his head, “I already know. Can you get my girl a drink? Annie ran off without taking her order.”

Marty looked at me, her deadpan stare making me burst into laughter. Apparently, it wasn’t just me. That helped.

“Sorry about her. She’s a massive bitch. What can I get you?”

I smiled, my mood a million times better, “Iced tea, please.”

“You got it, babe. You ready to order?”

Marty took our orders and promised to be back with my drink soon.

“How do you two know each other?” I asked Jimin, finishing off my water.

“We were in the same class back in high school. Her mom owns that flower shop on Michigan Avenue.”

That was surprising. I was positive the girl was no older than eighteen. She reminded me of a porcelain doll, her chubby cheek and big eyes adding something angelic to her overall look. Then again, Jimin did not look all that old either. It was easy to forget he just turned 24. The age gap was really messing with my brain.

Annie was back with Jimin’s drink a few minutes later. She said nothing when she practically slammed his cup on the table before stalking off. It was then that I knew who she reminded me of. Darcy. I wondered if they were friends. Definitely had the same attitude problem, that was for sure.

“Ignore her,” Jimin told me once she was out of earshot. “I’ve been doing it since middle school.”

The rest of our dinner went back without a hitch. With Annie out of the way, and Marty’s small and infrequent check-in’s, we were able to be in a bubble of sorts. He asked about my trip back home and filled me in on what happened over the weekend. He had finally told his parents about our date and said that his mom thought it was a great idea. James called me perfect a few times, too. I had a hard time believing it, but Jimin had never lied to me before. It was nice to know the people around him accepted me even if I was a few years older.

“My mom’s 9 years older than my dad,” He revealed in between bites of food.

Shocked, I stopped eating all together. I had no idea they were that different in age. Ne-Yeon looked so youthful and pretty it was hard to guess just how old she actually was. Even fighting cancer, that woman did not look a day over 40. James was also in great shape for his age. To hear they had their own age gap made me feel a little bit better.

“Wait,” Something else occurred to me. “Your mom was in her forties when she had you?”

Jimin nodded, “45. She had Haru at 48.”

It made sense to me now. To Jimin, our age gap was nothing special. It was smaller than his parents’, and having an older mother did not bother him at all. In his eyes, we had all of the time in the world for marriage and kids. A small weight came off of my shoulders. It really did not mean anything to him. He was not just saying that to make me feel better either.

“Do you want dessert?” He asked, his plate empty in front of him.

I was almost done with my bowl, “What do they have?”

He squinted his eyes, thinking.

“I know they have this horchata banana pudding. It’s literally the best dessert I’ve ever had in my life. There are a few other things, but I can’t remember what they are.”

I chuckled, “Then we’ll have the banana pudding.”

Jimin was not exaggerating either. The pudding was delicious. I almost wished we had each gotten our own serving, but after seeing the bill we were happy we hadn’t. Jimin paid this time. We had a back-and-forth deal when it came to meals. I got us breakfast last Wednesday, so he was picking up this bill. This was, unfortunately, much higher than Denny’s.

“I’ll put gas in your truck,” I offered on our way out. “To make up for the difference from Denny’s.”

He scoffed, “Don’t worry about it.”

“But-”

“We’re together now,” He interrupted me. “If I want to pay for a meal, then I will. You don’t have to pay me back.”

“We’ve always done that,” I argued.

“That was before,” He countered, walking me to my car door and opening it. “This is now. And right now, I’m trying to take a pretty girl, in a pretty dress, on a nice date. That includes paying for her meal.”

Getting into my seat, I pointed out that I let him do the gentleman thing all of the time. Opening my door for me, pulling chairs out at restaurants, and even walking on the curbside when we were out together. The list was endless. The least I could do was pay for half of a meal.

“I don’t do those things to get on your good side,” Jimin replied. “I do them because I want to. This isn’t transactional. So, stop worrying about being a burden. I enjoy taking care of you. You deserve to be taken care of.”

I could not think of a good enough comeback, so I just decided to drop it. If he wanted to pay for me then he could. It was his money to spend.

“Send me your address.”

“You still want to come over?” He seemed surprised.

“Yeah,” I nodded, already pulling up the GPS. “What is it?”

He sounded like Charlie when he won the golden ticket as he gave me his address.

“Don’t get too excited now,” I joked. “Just because I’m coming over doesn’t mean anything.”

Jimin laughed, “I pretend I don’t even know what sex is until after date three, so don’t worry about it.”

That made me laugh, “Get in your truck. I’ll meet you there.”

Looking back at him, I felt giddy. His eyes were so alight, his joy written so clearly across his face it took my breath away. A happy Jimin was the only kind I wanted to see. Blowing caution to the wind, I finally reached out. Touching his stomach, I felt the muscles clench beneath my fingers.

“Thank you,” I said earnestly.

“What for?” He rasped, placing one hand over mine, pressing my hand further into his skin.

“For-” I broke off, taking my hand away. The feeling of him underneath me was too much. “For being so accommodating. I really appreciate it.”

He laughed, the sound strained and airy. I was too embarrassed by my actions to look at his face, but I could feel his eyes burning into the side of my eyes. Unlike me, Jimin was always brave. Hopefully some of that confidence would rub off on me. Maybe then I could reach out and hold him whenever I wanted to.

“You’re welcome,” He replied, and my thighs clenched together at how rough he sounded. Did touching him do that? Or was it the praise? It could be both. “Drive safe, okay? You can follow me if that helps.”

I nodded, swallowing. The icy air outside did nothing to put out the blistering heat coursing between us right now. It was overwhelming how hot it was. Turning up my A/C, I pointed the vent directly at my face.

“See you in a few minutes,” I breathed, still unable to look at him.

Jimin closed my door, and I leaned back in my seat breathing heavily. I watched him as he rounded the front of my car, those pants sticking to his legs like a second skin and groaned. I had never felt this level of desire for anyone before.

He reminded me so much of Namjoon. His beautiful brain and love for music and poetry so reminiscent it managed to bring me back to happier times. In the beginning I was afraid my attraction to him stemmed from that link. Because he reminded me of something I had loved so dearly that meant what I was beginning to feel was just a projection.

I was wrong. So unbelievably wrong. Jimin had a passion that Joon could never replicate. If Joon was a warm blanket, then Jimin was like the tide in the sea. On the surface it was calm, steady, and beautiful. Underneath that was life like nothing I had ever seen before. He was refreshing and filled with this fire for life that reminded me of my own from years ago.

Namjoon was perfect, a boy-next-door, and soft spoken. Back then I had enough of that passion for the both of us. Now I saw more and more parallels between us than ever before. I was uncertain, waiting for someone else to bring excitement back into my life, too afraid to reach out and take what I wanted anymore.

And then Jimin was there with that big smile willing to take me on whatever adventure I desired. All I had to do was ask. It was exhilarating, fun, and I was happy to be a part of the ride. His softness, his kindness, his understanding- all of it wrapped up in a pretty red bow. A gift that kept on giving.

I did not love Jimin, but I knew then that I could. With his sharp tongue and charisma, it was impossible not to. Everyone else did. Who was I to think I could be any different? I was a slave to his happiness. It was in that moment, sitting in my car, that I finally understood what was happening.

I was falling in love and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Taglist: @ownthesunshine @screamertannie @lovelytaes-blog @pernesianparapio @tae-with-some-suga @sumzysworld @chimmisbae

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cat-mermaid · 28 days ago

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this manga has become such a cluster fuck

it had such a strong start and premise, but its shackled by the fact that it can't take the story out of the mansion. It keeps introducing new characters (remember the circus girl who turns out is like 30 and figured out the brainwashing thing right away and basically groomed her shadow to be subservient to her? And she knew Emilyko? Remember how nothing she's been to the story at all since her introduction?)

all thats been happening for the last 15 chapters is just more of the story spinning its wheels and dumping more and more names and faces at us that ultimately don't matter

the problem with the whole set up of Shadow House is that once they confront grandpa, the story is over, duh, and we can't have that while readership is still high. We gotta pad this out for all its worth. And i've written before that unlike other manga that will have fun side storys and beach arcs or what have you, Shadow House can't do things like that because of how inflexible the protagonist's situation is

everything has to revolve around figuring out how to over throw the adult shadows (and also now bitch boy Christopher/Anthony) while remaining in the mansion. And the deal with these manga is that they will throw as many spanners into the gears as it takes to slooooow the story down from reaching a conclusion, even if it means pulling a metroid/god of war and throwing the characters into super hell so that they lose all their "progress" and have to start from the very beginning again

its just starting to wear on me now becuase there are so many fucking people to keep track of, a very solvable "problem" roadblock in the form of Anothony (just killlllll him jesus chriiiiiist, u can make it look like an accident!) and now they're finally getting around to actually going after grandpa but i can't get exited for it anymore because of how bad the last few months of chapters have been

I really really want unique manga to do well and get popular, its rarer and rarer for somthing thats not "highschoolers in highschool" to dominate the seasonal anime releases

example? Paru Itagaki, who wrote Beastars? One of the most unique and engaging manga i've read in years? Guess what she's doing now?

Its called Sanda, its about this highschool kid in the future who can turn into Santa Claus. On paper, there is so much interesting stuff in here, commentary about japan's hyper obsession with youth, its birth rate issue and so on

But the thing is, this story feels like Paru got pressured by her higher ups to make something more "like whats popular" and more highschool focused. And the other thing? (And yeah its somthing she's super guilty of with Beastars too) she has no story planned at all, none

like it literally feels like she was told "write a highschool kid story" and she went with the idea a kid who can turn into santa and back again and had no grand narrative in mind

because of this manga is just.... really unfocused and really, really boring

and oh my god for a story about santa, there is almost no christmas stuff in it. u could edit it right now and change it to say "i turn into an old man when i wear red!" and very little would impacted

wats even worse? Theres a waaaaay better santa christmas manga out there right now

its still updating, and its really really fun! I'm only up to chapter 17 but i'm way more invested in this than the highschoolers in sad japan future and their baby drama

oh BOY did i get off topic!

TED TALK OVER

#shadow house #shadows house #manga #sanda manga #paru itagaki #black night parade

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steddieunderdogfics · 7 months ago

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This week’s writer spotlight feature is: Atalia_Gold! @ataliagold has 77 fics on Ao3 in the Stranger Things fandom and all of them are in the Steddie tag.

Our anonymous nominator recommends the following works by @ataliagold:

My, My, Those Eyes Like Fire

Keep My Hand In Yours

I Can Wait For You At The Bottom

Oh Darling, Please Be Mine

The Wreckage Of You I No Longer Reside In

"Atalia_Gold has written fics I just go back and read over and over again. I love the way they write the characters and all the very different universes and situations they end up in. One of my favorite authors of all time!" -- Anonymous

Below the cut, @ataliagold answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

I love the pairing so much. Steve is my favourite character ever, I loved him since series 1, but I never had anyone to ship him with until series 4 as Harringrove just wasn’t for me, so when Eddie came along I just thought wow they’re so perfect together.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

Hurt/comfort, sick/injured Steve and Eddie doing the comforting/caretaking is my absolute favourite, but there’s a lot of stuff I love to read.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

Same as the above, I love Steve so much but I love to hurt him haha. (So long as there’s a happy ending!)

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

You’re Divine by Oonionchiver. I love so many of their fics, but this one consumed my soul and was a big contributor to me wanting to write my own fics. A close second would be Take the Money and Run by thisapplepielife - so damn good.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

I have a modern AU idea, and I have done one modern AU before but this one will be quite different, the subject matter is much lighter/more humorous and I’m excited to try that - usually a lot of angst slips in even when I try to keep things light so we’ll see how that goes haha. Also planning to throw in the good old one bed trope into that, which I love reading but haven’t written before.

What is your writing process like?

…there is no process haha. I have an idea, usually a scene or a line or just a feeling, and I start writing and see what happens. I don’t plan anything ahead, I don’t write anything down that isn’t literally just the story, I don’t know how long it’ll be etc - I just start writing and see where the characters want to go. I tend to write up a chapter or a oneshot in a day (sometimes two if I’m busy), then think about it overnight, edit the next day, and then post it once I’m ready.

Do you have any writing quirks?

Maybe a couple of little ones - I’m a fan of ironically both run-on sentences and line breaks - can never have enough line breaks for me. I use them a lot to emphasize things or just because they feel right. Run-on sentences I often use to show a character being indecisive/spiraling/emotional just because it sort of reflects that state.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

…neither. I have no schedule, but I also don’t wait until I’ve finished because I’m too impatient, and I find posting chapters as soon as I’m finished quite motivating. I’m a fairly quick writer so I can usually comfortably post a few updates a week.

Which fic are you most proud of?

That’s hard. I guess it would be The Wreckage Of You I No Longer Reside In, because it was the second fic I ever wrote and the first one longer than a small oneshot. I had covid, a lot of free time on my hands, and no idea what I was doing, but people seemed to really like it and I was floored by the response it got. There’s other fics too though, like My, My Those Eyes Like Fire or Keep My Hand In Yours that come close.

How did you get the idea for Oh Darling, Please Be Mine?

This fic happened while I was writing something else that I was struggling with a bit. Oh Darling, Please Be Mine was me returning to writing something familiar, something I felt comfortable with, and I enjoyed that one. I had worked as a vet nurse before and I really wanted to write vet tech Steve and Steddie with kittens.

When writing I Can Wait For You At The Bottom, what was something you didn’t expect?

That some people would comment and tell me it was accurate to their own experiences with depression. That’s one of the heaviest fics I’ve written and it dealt with Steve seriously struggling with his mental health. I was a little worried when writing it that I wasn’t depicting depression accurately - I’ve never been diagnosed with it myself despite definitely struggling with it or something very similar before. So I just wrote from the heart and people seemed to appreciate it, and I’m glad people found it authentic.

What inspired Keep My Hand In Yours?

I’d wanted to do a post-apocalypse fic for a long time. I love that genre so much, I love the idea of these characters being completely stripped down and having to survive in a very difficult world. Also, the title is from the Noah Kahan song Everywhere, Everything, and a lot of those lyrics inspired the fic too, especially the relationship between Steve and Robin.

What was your favorite part to write from Keep My Hand In Yours?

I think the reunion scene between Robin and Steve, or the scenes with Steve and Eddie at the cabin by the lake. I’d had those scenes in my mind for months before even starting to write that fic, and couldn’t wait to get to them.

How do/did you feel writing My, My, Those Eyes Like Fire?

I loved writing that fic. For me it was just such fun to write - I love sword fights/ancient history/that whole…genre. So I really loved writing that one, and it was literally entirely inspired by Joe Keery’s lovely gladiator outfit.

What was the most difficult part of writing The Wreckage Of You I No Longer Reside In?

That one wasn’t difficult, it really flowed. The most difficult part was actually maybe just sharing it - for so long I was terrified of putting my work out there, because I was convinced people would hate it or it wasn’t good enough/nowhere near as good as other authors’ works.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

It’s hard to think of one, there’s so many that are special to me for different reasons, but I think it would have to the be the Steve and Robin reunion scene from Keep My Hand In Yours: In the distance, two figures approached. Steve ran to them, caution thrown aside – he couldn’t make out their faces from here, but he knew one of them was Robin. He’d know her in the dark; would know her even if he were blind and deaf. One of the figures broke away from the other, running for Steve. They met in the middle of a dirt road at the end of the world, Steve scooping his best friend into his arms and dropping to his knees in the dust.

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

I have five fics ready to go for the Summer Things Fest, they’ll be released anonymously at first and then creators revealed a bit later, so keep an eye out for those later in July! Other than that, my current WIP We Made Universes Out Of Bitten Lips And Broken Hands is nearing the end at the time of writing this - a few more chapters to go and that’ll be complete. I’m away for the whole of July so not starting anything big until I get back, but I have a few ideas brewing, including a modern AU where Eddie and Dustin drag Steve along to New Zealand (where I’m from) to visit Lord of the Rings filming locations, and I’m quite excited to write that later in the year - planning at this stage for it to be upbeat and fun.

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

Just a thank you to anyone who has ever read my fics and dropped kudos or comments, I never expected people to even read my fics let alone enjoy them, so I’m really grateful to everyone who has. There’s some massively talented people here and their fics have helped me in so many ways over the years. And I’m happy to have met some lovely people through writing fics too :)

Thank you to our author, @ataliagold, and our anonymous nominator! See more Atalia_Gold's of works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

#writer's spotlight #steddie #steve harrington #steddie fic recs #eddie munson #steve x eddie #stranger things #ao3 writer #steddie writers

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insert-clever-username-1133 · 24 days ago

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*burns down building cutely* guys im literally just a girl!!!

welcome to my blog

hi guys!!! im loralai but you can call me lora. this post is a running collection of all my chaos

you guys like lists? good bc that's all ive got for you

stuff i do

art

i draw in ibis paint on my phone with a disc stylus and use capcut to edit animatics (which yes, i can still do, despite being in the us). most of my stuff is tagged with either #art or #doodles, rarely both. doodles is my old tag for sketches and... well, doodles. i put everything under the art tag now

writing

i have one published fic right now with another multi chapter on the way and some one shots im going to get to eventually! i don't have an update schedule. im little1133 on ao3

music

if you have perfect pitch talk to me please i need someone who understands the feeling when you get a song stuck in your head and you can't remember what key it's in but all the keys you picture it in sound wrong so now it's in your head but it sounds WRONG

fandoms

epic the musical

this is my main fandom right now! epic has had a huge effect on my life, gotten me back into drawing and writing :) im always down to yap about the babies or read your fic or whatever

i love odypen so so much. also i heard someone use the ship name penelody and that's the prettiest ship name ive ever heard i think. platonic eurypoli is also one of my favs. im a eurylochus defender for life

if you follow me you are big time signing up for epic spam

kotlc

this is my longest-term fandom i think. i love this little fandom so much!! Katie (@ myfairkatiecat , very cool user) got me into it last summer (i know, not very long term for my longest term fandom. im young okay). im a keefe defender (sorry stria) and i love fintan pyren a normal amount. fav ships are sokeefe, dexiana, and fintante! i am a sucker for platonic sophitz. they go well together what can i say

iywalirayhtdwa > wiityispb

percy jackson / riordanverse

i love love love this series so much. leo is my baby. percabeth should be called smartwater for ever and ever. i don't participate in this fandom because i learned my lesson from kotlc about joining the fandom before you're done reading and ive already gotten spoiled enough just from random youtube comments. am i really going to abstain from this fandom until ive read all however many series there are? probably not

greek mythology in general

dnd

yeah... right above this is percy jackson and epic the musical. you knew this was coming. im rapidly turning into the greek mythology kid. it's bad.

hadestown

i listened to the soundtrack with animatics a bit ago and im planning on watching a recording of the actual show. this musical has already. made me. FEEL THINGS. A LOT. doubt comes in absolutely broke me which im sure isn't a surprise to anyone who's seen hadestown. just like in epic Hermes is a whole vibe and a half. living it up on top, chant, and why we build the wall have alternated being played on loop in my brain. this musical is literally so.

im currently playing in a dnd campaign (#ivanna) as an elven wizard named Ivanna and in the late planning stages of dming a campaign (#crossfire campaign) for me and my friends. im unwell about both of these things

mouthwashing

i... don't have much to say about this fandom. im not very active in it. love the fanart. love daisuke and anya ofc. we be taking responsibility with this one

elnea kingdom

i don't really post about this game on here because the fandom is mainly on Reddit. this is here purely for propaganda. look up this game and play it. you know you want toooo ohh you wanna play it soooo baaaad

posts i want you to see

too lazy to do this list rn. im gonna link the seaglass vacker eyes post, the Ody is the short one in odypen, and some of my top posts later

tags ig

#art - self explanatory.

#bookmark - things I'm saving to refer back to later.

#liveblog - ive been doing this less lately but it's always a tradition for me to do at least a few liveblogs whenever im consuming a new media. i love this tag because it contains my magnum opus: my huge reblog chains with every little thought i had while reading kotlc. all of them have like 40 self reblogs to just add to them. there's a chain for each book, and i did it for the first like 5 or 6 books. i highly recommend looking at those they're very funny.

userboxes + other

i don't have a dni. if i don't like you ill block you

im not donating to your gofundme

my interests are subject to change on a whim with zero warning

#pinned post

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cornelis-rage-poetry · 27 days ago

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The diary of an Underground Writer January 16, 2025

In 1980 on my fifteenth birthday I got this amazing present from my parents "26 Griezelverhalen" (26 Horror Stories) by Edgar Allen Poe. Published by Hollandia, in a translation by Simon Vestdijk (a well known Dutch writer in his own right) and with illustrations by Arthur Rackham.

I remember it was at the top of my wish list, I don't remember how or why I, as a young man had become interested in the works of Poe, but for some reason I was drawn to it, fascinated by the dark and mysterious nature of his stories. And in later years I bought several other publications of his work either in hardcover or paperback, always with a somewhat secretive desire in the back of my mind, to one day read his work in the original English language.

And now, practically a lifetime later, again it's my birthday, today I turned 60 (can you believe that? yeah I know I'm an old boomer)(hehe), and to mark the occasion I bought this present for myself, usually I don't buy presents for myself, but because I turned 60 (!!!) I thought: oh well, might as well buy something special and make myself happy. And so I bought this Barnes & Noble edition of "The Complete Tales and Poems of Edgar Allan Poe", in the original English language. And it feels like a circle closing from then, way back in 1980 when I was just a boy, to now as I've become an old man.

And I've also noticed as I've become older, the more I feel this desire to go back to how things once were, it's not just this feeling of a circle closing, it's also with a sense of nostalgia, you know like the glow of moonlight, glistening on the surface of a river at night, as the water tries to finds it way back home, to the sea.

Update on my writing, everything goes forward with a steady pace, the formatting of my poetry collection into an ebook for kindle and kobo is mostly a technical formality and doesn't require much time. However the rewrite of my little novel does require time and attention too. I finished the first draft half way December of 2024, and now half way January I'm almost done with the second draft. And it's not only about rewriting, it's also about bringing balance to the story and the style in which it is written, as I've noticed that earlier chapters have a slightly different writing style than the later, as it's been written over the span of about one year, and one's writing style always changes a little bit over time. One might say, as it matures within the story.

And in the rewrite I'm trying to bring the writing style of the chapters closer together, bring balance to the story as a whole and make the reading experience more homogeneous. I hope to finish this second draft later this month, or perhaps early February, I will then let it sink in for two or three weeks, and give it another read to see how it holds up, maybe do some more rewriting, if needed. The plan is to round it all up in March and April, and then hopefully bring the poetry collection as well as my little novel out on kindle and kobo before spring sets in, so they can surf the waves of warm and sunny days.

Alongside these two projects, I've also started working on a third project. It's about the story of why we are here, the story of the Universe and evolution and stuff like that. I've started making notes a few years back, and at the time I had no idea what it was all about. But in recent times, I've started to notice a thematic structure in all those little scribbles and now (like two weeks ago) I've started organizing these notes by theme and topic, to get a better understanding of what it's all about and what it all means and then once it's all organized, usually the main story will show it self. I know it's a weird way of working, but for some reason it works for me, the same thing happened with my little novel. For now let's give it the working title "Project 3", I do have some ideas of what to call it, but it's still very early to give it a real title, and besides I'm not yet sure if it's a little novel or a collection of related stories and or meditations.

Anyway, today was my birthday and it was a good day. I've slept for seven hours, it's cold outside and I'm at peace.

#diary #birthday

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hugsandchaos · 7 months ago

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Hello, Eudaemon fans!

First of all, I’m really happy that you guys are loving this as much as I am! I was surprised I couldn’t find any fics like mine, so I decided to do it myself with the ideas I had in mind.

Second, thank you for your patience! Summer is a weird time for me and my writing, my brain just short circuits a lot more and I can’t tell if it’s because it’s actually a summer thing or not. I really can’t tell, but don’t worry! Just because I can’t write the chapters themselves doesn’t mean I can’t plan for them.

Third, the actual reason I wanted to make this post. I’m considering rewriting Eudaemon or at least making edits to the chapters before I continue, and here are the two reasons why.

1. The sick part of the fic doesn’t feel quite right. It feels… overlooked and rushed, and I think I can rewrite it to make it better. This time, it will have the old “Danny’s powers acting up and he tries to hide them”.

2. A few parts of the beginning just feel like that overall. I’m not sure where exactly I could make edits other than the sick chapter, but I will search for what just doesn’t feel right and try to fix it.

I know, they’re pretty much the same, but that’s about it. I don’t really want to go ahead with the next chapter until these fixes are done, and it might take a while thanks to life stuff that I didn’t have when I was writing the beginning of the story.

Just thought I should let you guys know about this! Thank you for your time! I’ll keep you guys updated!

#eudaemon #lu x dp #dp x lu

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idleglowingpixels · 4 months ago

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October-December 2024 Updates - XXY, Monster High & More!

Me when I remember I have a Tumblr & AO3 I wanted to run on a regular basis, but haven't done anything with either for roughly 3 months:

ANYWAY hi, I am back on Tumblr (and soon, AO3) to drop some MAJOR updates regarding what I've been up to in my absence, my WIP fanfics, upcoming fandom stuff (mainly art but also some general theory/headcanon/etc. posts), and generally what I'm up to for the rest of this year!

Lin! Where Have You Been, Loca?!

I've been doing a lot behind the scenes! During the spring and summer, I've been working on a script for a personal project of mine. All of my writing time had been committed to it -- I've got over 400 pages of script done since March 2023! I met some new friends and reconnected with old friends too, this summer was very social for me.

I'm currently attending my first semester of college (FINALLY), and it's going well! The adjustment period was very long and tiresome, but I feel a lot better about being on top of my schoolwork and keeping things balanced. Now if only my sleep could enter the equation...

Since August started, I haven't written much at all because I was taking part in a college summer program. I wanted to have at least one chapter and/or oneshot fic completed by October, and thankfully I've manage to achieve that! It's been genuinely refreshing to return to my fanfics, and they make me wish I didn't have to be away from them for as long as I did. There's also just been so many different franchises that I've re-entered obsessions with, and would love to share with all of you. So without further ado, let's get to it!

XXY - Chapters 8-14

I have officially completed the first drafts of all 7 upcoming chapters! Editing doesn't take me very long to do, and now that I'm better adjusted to my school/work/life balance, I've been able to manage my time a little better.

To all of you who have been waiting for new chapters since Chapter 7 released, I'm so sorry for making you wait! I honestly don't know how the time from last August to now went by so fast. I still check my email regularly and seeing support from old & new fans of the fic during its extended hiatus has really helped me get back into the swing of things.

To celebrate the occasion, I wanted to provide the names of the next batch of chapters, as well as their release dates. These release dates are final, and will only be changed under extreme circumstances (WHICH WON'T HAPPEN WORLD ISTG--!!!) or if I accidentally forget what day it is (which has happened before), and in that case it'll be posted within 1-2 days after the release dates I've listed below.

Chapter 8: Gladiolus - December 7th, 2024 Chapter 9: Hyacinth - January 7th, 2025 Chapter 10: Spearmint - February 7th, 2025 Chapter 11: Coriander - March 7th, 2025 Chapter 12: Hibiscus - April 8th, 2025 Chapter 13: Violet - May 7th, 2025 Chapter 14: Jasmine Tobacco (INTERMISSION) - June 7th, 2025

Per my Monster High fics, I will also be releasing cover art for Chapters 1-7 (since I didn't get to before) throughout November, leading up to Chapter 8's release. From Ch. 8 onward, cover art for the chapters will be released the same day & on the same update posts as their respective chapters. I hope you'll be looking forward to what I have in store!

Monster High AU Updates

My Monster High AU is back from the dead with plenty of goodies this October! This year I was planning to write, draw & release a lot more for the AU, but since I haven't been able to, I wanted to make up for it during Spooky Month.

I don't have definitive release dates for this, but I have plenty of stuff I want to share, so here's a list of everything I plan on releasing throughout the next few months:

Updated Character Art & Bios: Frankie, Draculaura, Clawdeen, Cleo & Lagoona (Fun fact, I'd had everyone but Cleo done all the way back in 2022, which is why the art style differed so much from more recent drawings I'd posted!)

NEW Character Art & Bios: Clawd Wolf, Howleen Wolf, the Timberwolfs (3 characters), & a surprise character!

NEW One-Shot (With Cover Art): Taking A Lycan To New Salem

NEW Art -- Two pictures from the text conversations in Trapped By The Rain

My original plan after the main 5 ghouls was to create & release the bios of the main mansters (Deuce, Heath, Jackson/Holt, etc.), but in light of the upcoming fic release, I wanted to shift my attention to Clawdeen's siblings and the rest of their pack first. I've spent a lot of time developing them, and a couple of these characters are from G2 & G3 who I've altered to fit into my AU as seamlessly as possible! After these bios release, I do intend on returning to my versions of the mansters, as well as rounding out the rest of the lead ghouls in the ensemble cast (Including (but not limited to) Ghoulia, Abbey, Twyla and Torelai).

Since my scripts are wrapped up for the most part, I do plan on having more frequent fanfic updates for the AU in the forseeable future. How frequent? I have no idea! But I'm absolutely making this AU update much more than once a year.

Gravity Falls -- Billtober & Upcoming Fanfiction!

That's right, one of my all-time favorite TV series has re-entered my mind and I cannot contain it! Believe it or not, before XXY AND my Monster High AU, I had been planning to debut on AO3 with a Gravity Falls fanfiction.

With all that The Book Of Bill & thisisnotawebsite.com have given us lore-wise, I've had a new and revitalized version of that old fanfic idea (Name TBD). Unfortunately, due to the lack of attention I've been giving the aforementioned stories I've been working on over the last couple of years -- and because I want to release chapters once the fic is completed -- I don't (and won't) have much, if anything, to report on it in the upcoming months.

To satiate my need to make something for the show, I decided to take up the Billtober challenge created by @dailybill-cipher ! I'll be working on my sketches sporadically over the next month or so, and will post 7-8 doodles for every week that I finish. Again, this will be sporadic, so I will post whenever I have completed my personal quota!

I also have an old OC for the series I made back in high school who was in DESPERATE need for some upgrades, and whenever I finish a drawing for him, I can't wait to share his design! He'll be in my fic, but only really at the beginning and end, with an appearance here or there as the plot demands it (which is not much).

Miscellaneous

I have a Miraculous Ladybug rewrite fic in the works, whose notes have been collecting dust on my cork board, but it's something I intend to begin working on again in the next year or so. I despised S5's ending, and therefore, will not be continuing to view the series proper. I stopped at S5, so anything that has released for it after S5's finale, excluding the movie (I forgot if it released before or after the finale), I haven't seen. And I don't intend to see (I'm allowing exceptions for what I've seen already, because I need to research for my fic). But I'm really looking forward to returning to this old draft and rejuvenating it!

I may do some art for Five Nights At Freddy's in the near future? Nothing guaranteed, but I do love the franchise, so it's not like I won't talk about it ever lol. Also, I was gifted a copy of The Week Before, which besides my movie poster is my only FNAF merchandise, and OOOOOOOOOOH BOY AM I EXCITED TO RAMBLE ABOUT IT AND EVENTUALLY LET MY RAMBLES ESCAPE MY DRAFTS.

Sonic The Hedgehog 3 is dropping in December...And I will make it everyone's problem (/j). I'm highly anticipating this one, the trailers make it look great!

Ending Notes

For now, these are the main projects that I'm working on. I'm be working really hard to be better at consistent updates and such, so hopefully I won't be away as long as I was unannounced.

As always, thank you to my readers, old and new, for being patient with me. It really is appreciated and helps me continue these stories!

#linposts #blog update #fanfic update #xxy #powerpuff girls #monster high au #monster high #billtober2024 #gravity falls

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gretavanfunk · 23 days ago

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Fighting Fire (Series)

Chapter Sixteen

Word Count: 8,806

Summary: Stevie and Sam never seemed to be what people refer to as "two peas in a pod" growing up. He got under her skin more times than she could count and Sam was desperate to be on a level playing field as his older brother and Stevie's best friend, Jake. One summer, Sam is forced to face his demons and in turn, Stevie is too.

Warnings: smut, 18+, minors DNI, alcohol, not sure what else but let me know if I forget something!

This story is written and edited by me and it is my baby so I hope some people out there can enjoy it as much as I enjoy creating it! If there are typos, bear with me lol. This story is almost over!! Only one more chapter after this one!

Also note: Sorry about the month-long update! I've been writing this part for what feels like forever and as I wrap the story up, I think the next part will come much faster! Enjoy!

Chapter Sixteen Playlist for the vibes!

Sam groaned when he set a big box filled with Stevie's belongings down on the floor as he stepped off her stairs' final step.

"There," Sam wiped his forehead and smiled, "That's the last of it besides the furniture!"

"Thank you," Stevie held her hands on her hips and smiled at him before crouching down to label the box with the sharpie in her pocket.

When she stood up, Sam was standing much closer to her now and she felt her stomach tighten with his proximity. He was wearing an old, too-small-for-him-now T-shirt that he had cut the sleeves off of and a pair of running shorts. When they started working that morning, he had put his hair in a bun. Now a few strands had fallen out of it and his baby hairs were curving around his face. He was sweaty, tired, and according to Stevie; it was disgustingly adorable. He took her hand and pulled her into him, slightly frowning as he held her.

"Are you sure you can't come to say goodbye when we leave?" Sam pouted.

Stevie sighed and rested her head on his chest, "I wish I could, babe. But, that was the only time that the movers were available and I have to be here while they load up."

It was a baby, microscopic lie to protect what Stevie had planned, but she still couldn't look directly into his eyes when she said it.

"We can just leave later, then!" Sam protested, and Stevie shook her head, nervous about her plan being spoiled.

"No, no, no," Stevie laughed, "The night before you leave will just be really special! I promise."

"Is that so?" Sam perked an eyebrow and Stevie rolled her eyes.

She smiled and hit his shoulder lightly, "Quit it, you perv!"

"Oh, give me a break," Sam chuckled, "As if you weren't thinking about what we did the last time we were here the whole time we've been doing this."

"You wish that were what I was thinking about," Stevie teased, "Get your head out of the gutter, Sam."

"Come on," Sam's voice turned sweeter, "Why don't we just fool around a little before we go? For old time's sake?"

Stevie wriggled out of his arm and cracked up with laughter before rubbing his shoulders with her hands, "Sam, we have so much to do before the party tomorrow!"

"Like what?" Sam made a face, "Going to the grocery store? Big deal!"

"And cleaning up the place," Stevie chuckled some more, "Hello? Ronnie hasn't been up there in years!"

"You know she's not gonna care, babe," Sam reached out to grab at her waist again, "Come on. This is the last chance I have to mess around with you in this house! I wanna rack up some good stuff to reflect on when I hit the road."

Stevie narrowed her eyes at him, seriously considering his offer. Truthfully, she had been thinking about the last time they were here for the majority of this morning and even though she wanted to get back to the lake house and shower, he did look even more enticing with a sheen of sweat on his skin and his hair messed up like that.

Amidst her daydreams, Sam's hands slowly crept up under her shirt while he waited, the pads of his fingers pressing firmly into her lower back. He lowered his mouth to her ear, and his breath's heat made goosebumps emerge over her arms.

"I need to touch you," he whispered, "I can't wait any longer."

His lips barely brushed against her neck briefly and Stevie's eyes screwed shut, annoyed that she was incredibly turned on so quickly. She groaned and wrapped her hand around his wrist abruptly, pulling him back up the stairs and wearing a soft smile when she heard him giggle behind her.

"Ya know," Stevie shrugged, "For old time's sake and everything."

As they approached her bedroom, Sam pulled her back and jumped in front of her, causing her to come to a brisk halt in front of the doorway.

Ah, ah, ah," Sam said, leaning against the door frame, "Before we do anything, you have to promise me you're not going to rush."

Stevie scoffed and placed her hands on her hips, "What do you mean?"

Sam smirked and he copied her stance, mocking her, "I mean, you always rush! Like I said, I need to savor what little time we have left before I leave, so just promise me you'll follow my lead."

She rolled her eyes but smiled and leaned closer to kiss his cheek, "I promise."

He smiled and held his hand out for her to take, "Alright, then come with me."

Sam led her into the nearly empty bedroom and he closed the door behind them. Stevie fought the urge to move and she took a deep breath, surrendering complete control of this situation to Sam who turned around and smiled, approaching her slowly.

He took both of her hands and lifted her arms over her head, leaving them there and moving his hands down to the bottom of her shirt, slowly peeling it up her torso and over her head. He threw it to the side and Stevie smiled at him, watching as his eyes raked over her exposed skin. He lowered her arms and dipped one finger under each of her bra straps, pulling them down her shoulders and reaching behind her to unclasp it.

Just before Stevie was finally going to break her stillness to help him, it came undone, and Sam stepped back to watch her bra fall to the floor.

"You were doubting me, weren't you?" Sam teased and Stevie's lips became a knowing smile, "What? Of course not."

"You should know better by now, Stevie."

Sam reached over his shoulder, gripping the back of his shirt and tugging it over his head, making Stevie groan, "What gives? I don't get to take your clothes off?"

"No," Sam stated simply, throwing his shirt where Stevie's lay, "I'm conducting this show."

She frowned and Sam gave her a sarcastic pout, reaching his hands out to her hips and pulling her closer. He fell to his knees and Stevie's eyebrows raised at the sight. She wasn't sure why she was still surprised by Sam in intimate settings. They've been going at it all summer, yet she still had the anxiety more common when being with someone for the first time.

Sam did have a good point when he talked about Stevie's need to rush her own pleasure constantly, and she knew he was right. Sam made her calm down. He showed her how to be more present and he was the first person she bore her naked self to that actually made her feel like she was being seen. Sex with him was always exciting; something about it was so reminiscent of her former self. It was hormonal, a deep desire, and a chase.

It was also so loving. When she was with him, she felt how badly he wanted her. She felt like a craving, an itch that needed to be scratched. Every time they were together, Stevie's curiosity ran rampant. She always wanted it. She always trusted him.

Sam's fingers hooked under her waistband and he broke her free from the fabric swiftly, Stevie impulsively kicking her underwear away from them. When Sam stood up again, Stevie reached for Sam's hips, her hands flinching when she touched the fabric, forgetting that he was calling the shots this time.

He didn't protest though. He smiled and nodded, "Go ahead, baby. Take them off but make it entertaining."

She lifted her eyebrows at him sarcastically before she dropped to her knees in return. She used one hand to untie the string on his shorts and she smiled up at him before she used her teeth to tug his waistband down.

Stevie knew this must have looked a lot sexier in her head, but Sam was amused enough by it to help her get his shorts off. Once he got rid of them, he brushed the hair out of her face and grabbed her arm lightly, pulling her back to her feet.

"Oh," Stevie's shock evident in her voice. She had fully anticipated having him between her lips, but Sam was now leading her to the bed.

"Sit," he instructed, "Cross-legged and take a deep breath while you wait for me."

Stevie crawled onto the bed and she did as she was told, butterflies erupting inside her as she watched Sam move so agonizingly slowly that she had to bite her tongue to keep from whining about it. She knew he was testing her, and she knew he'd hold it against her if she didn't let him play whatever fucked up kind of game he was playing. He might have been just putting off the chores they had to do with the rest of their day.

Finally, Sam shuffled himself onto the bed and sat behind her, stretching out his legs on either side of her. She was confused by this but said nothing in case Sam had some smart-ass comment to say back. Sam scooted himself back, so he was pressed up against the headboard and Stevie turned to give him a questioning expression. He laughed but leaned forward to grab her waist, pulling her back against him.

"Just relax," Sam soothed, "Lean back on me and let me do my thing."

"Mhmm," Stevie's eyes closed as she cuddled up to him, taking a deep breath and relaxing in his arms. While she couldn't see what was happening around her, she was now hyper-focused on the sounds. She listened to Sam's heartbeat. She heard his fingers slip in and out of his mouth with ease and goosebumps crept across her skin as his arm brushed against her thigh. She braced herself for his touch, anticipating what he would do next.

Sam's fingertips were feather-like against her and he began touching her timidly. She listened to his breath falter and could imagine images of gears shifting in his brain. He moved his fingers down a bit farther and sighed with relief when he was confident that he was in the right spot. And he was.

He applied slightly more pressure to her clit before working against her slowly. Stevie hummed in response and shifted a bit, hissing at the tingling sensation working its way up her arms. She felt his erection pressed against her back with each soft moan that escaped her lips.

"Look at you," Sam praised with a whisper against her ear, "You're being so good and patient for me, baby."

"Sam," Stevie sighed with a small laugh, "You're so good."

Goosebumps ran up Sam's arms at her praise and he decided to give her a little bit more grace.

"Good girls get rewarded," Sam whispered, and Stevie chuckled, leaning her head into him.

It was weird to hear the words "good girl" leave Sam's lips, but she honestly was pleasantly surprised with his dominance in this encounter, so she wasn't about to stop him. Teasingly adventuring her further, he sank a finger inside slowly and Stevie hummed, holding onto his leg tenderly. Sam switched to rubbing circles against her clit with his thumb and only moments later, Stevie started to fidget against him, arching her back and moaning louder.

"Oh," she exhaled, "Keep going."

"Don't worry darling," Sam encouraged, "I won't stop 'til you make such a pathetic mess of this mattress."

A deep groan rattled through her and Sam groaned with her, feeling her body tense. He wrapped his arm around her, holding her chest tight as she chased her euphoria. With legs shaking, Stevie uttered a string of high-pitched moans and Sam felt her contract around his fingers, humming with confidence when she fell back against him.

"Wow," Stevie sighed with a smile, "I need to trust you more often."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you, babe."

She sat up and pulled away from him, turning around to straddle him but noticed a warm, wet sensation on her back. Stevie lifted an eyebrow at him and Sam's cheeks flushed.

"Did you...?" she asked and he bit his lip, "I, uh, I mean, yes."

Sam rolled his eyes, "Yes I did, and ya know, there was just some friction and you sounded so hot and I got a little carried away."

"Aw, baby," Stevie giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck, "I don't know whether to be flattered or disappointed."

"Well, don't be too disappointed," Sam rested his hands on her hips, "I'm sure he'll be ready to go in no time."

She smiled softly and kissed him hard, effortlessly slipping each other's tongues into their mouths. She felt him grow hard beneath her and Sam smiled against her lips, pulling away briefly.

"Like right now for instance," Sam said sheepishly, and Stevie laughed, "Wow, it really was no time."

Sam's hands moved up to her biceps, pushing her back against the mattress and she fell with a thud before giggling in excitement. Sam rose to his knees and settled in between her spread legs, grabbing her hips with force.

"Isn't it fun to switch sometimes?" Sam leaned down to kiss her quickly and Stevie nodded, "It is!"

After their afternoon rendezvous, Sam and Stevie were back on the road to the lake house again to fully focus on the party they were hosting tomorrow. Ronnie started calling Stevie when she and Sam were still about an hour out. Stevie knew what it was about, and she couldn't have Sam listen in on the call since it involved her travel arrangements to Nashville. When Sam saw Ronnie's name on the screen, he answered it from the button on the steering wheel and exclaimed a loud hello.

Ronnie stammered, not expecting Sam to be the one to answer, "Oh, hello little brother! Are you with Stevie?"

"Hey, Ronnie," Stevie chuckled, "Sam and I are just driving back up to the lake right now."

"Oh," Ronnie's voice fell flat and Sam raised an eyebrow at this, clearing his throat, "Am I not supposed to be on this phone call? Girl talk or something?"

Stevie laughed at him, knowing Ronnie was in a weird spot considering she was calling to talk to Stevie about her plans to surprise Sam, but thankfully, Ronnie reacted quickly.

"No," Ronnie sighed, "It's no biggie! I wondered if Tyler and I needed to bring anything to the party tomorrow."

Stevie hummed, scratching her head, "Well, Sam and I still haven't quite prepared a list for the store yet. He's been distracting me today."

Ronnie laughed, "I'm sure."

"Okay, stop it," Sam rolled his eyes, "You don't need to bring anything, Veronica. Unless you want booze, of course."

"Oh," Ronnie said, "a BYOB situation?"

"Yeah," Stevie replied, "We both quit so we're not planning on buying any."

"Really?" Ronnie's voice sounded shocked, "You both stopped drinking?"

Sam groaned, "I stopped drinking. Stevie's just being supportive."

Ronnie awed and Sam gave Stevie a small smile, rolling his eyes again at his sister.

"Yeah, no biggie!" Stevie continued, "Just bring yourselves, your swimsuits, and any alcohol you want to drink-unless you plan on sharing with Jake and Josh."

"They're on their own," Ronnie laughed "Okay, sounds good! Thanks! See you both tomorrow."

She hung up and Sam looked at Stevie briefly with narrowed eyes, "Are you gonna text her and tell her you'll call her later?"

Stevie shook her head and gasped, "No! Why do you ask?"

"She did not call you to ask you what to bring," Sam shook his head, "If she had, she wouldn't have been thrown off when I answered."

"If she said that's why she called then that's why she called."

"Mhmm," Sam stated with his lips pursed together, "Whatever you say."

"However," Stevie sighed, adjusting her position in the passenger seat, "We do have to make a grocery list. What do you plan on cooking tomorrow?"

She pulled out her phone and brought up her note app, creating a list with Sam the rest of the way home and quickly texting Ronnie anyway.

When they arrived at the lake house, Stevie grabbed Sam's hand after he turned the car off and looked at him sweetly. His eyes grew suspicious, and he sighed, "You're going to make me go shopping alone, aren't you?"

"Not right away or anything," Stevie laughed, "But hosting a party is a team effort, Sam."

"And what exactly will you be doing?" Sam smiled, kissing her forehead quickly, "Other than having secret conversations with my sister?"

"Well, I must clean! I was serious about the cleaning! Would you rather do that, and I go to the store?"

"What cleaning?" Sam asked, "The house is completely fine!"

"That's why I'm doing it and you're going to the store."

"Okay, okay," Sam giggled, "But let me shower first. I'm all sweaty and gross from all the labor you made me do today."

He winked and Stevie gasped, hitting his shoulder lightly, "Made you? Hardly!"

Sam made a goofy face and kissed her before getting out of the car. She followed him in and Sam ran upstairs to take a shower. Stevie let Rosie out and put her leash on for a walk, taking her phone out to call Ronnie back. She left the house when Ronnie answered, "Hey! Are you still with him?"

"No," Stevie chuckled, "Sorry, he answered the call before I could react."

"It's okay," Ronnie laughed, "I just didn't want to be the one to blow your cover."

"All good! What's up? Did you talk to Tyler about it?" Stevie asked.

"I did," Ronnie's voice cheered, "He's in! We're going to do it!"

"Really?" Stevie squealed, "Oh, thank you! Thank you! That makes everything so much easier!"

"I am so thrilled," Ronnie giggled, "That place is so much nicer than his!"

"Well," Stevie smiled, "Sam and I packed everything up! I need to get the boxes to the lake house and then deal with the furniture, which you guys can look at and keep anything you might want to have."

"We can bring your boxes up to the lake if you want! So, you don't have to do it before your flight leaves or while my brother has you under his thumb."

"It's kind of out of the way," Stevie suggested, "But you guys are more than welcome to use the lake house while I'm out too. I don't really know how long I'll be staying."

"I'm sure it won't take Tyler much convincing to stay at a lake house," Ronnie chuckled, "And I'm happy to make sure things are good while you're gone!"

"You are saving my life, Ronnie. Seriously," Stevie sighed, "I'll give you the keys when we go to the airport."

"Perfect! And I'll make sure Tyler doesn't try bringing it up at all tomorrow," Ronnie said, and Stevie nodded, "Now all I have to do is email my landlord and talk to the restaurant about my job."

"Don't worry," Ronnie assured, "We'll be fine over there, and Dave loves you! He knew you weren't going to stick around forever."

"Thank you," Stevie sighed, "You're amazing, as usual."

"I love you girl! Can't wait until we're sisters!"

The sentiment was sweet but also made Stevie's head spin. Surely marriage is where a relationship leads when it grows but that was so big and scary. She loved Sam more than anyone else and she would marry him if that's what he wanted. Although, she didn't think it was completely necessary for them to be happy. So, she laughed nervously.

"What do you mean 'until'? We already are," Stevie said, and Ronnie awed, "Of course we are. Love you girl!"

They said their goodbyes and hung up. Stevie continued walking alongside the lake with Rosie and she sighed, relief washing over her. Ronnie and Tyler were going to sublease her place in town from her at least until her lease was up and then they would hopefully become the new tenants. This made it a lot easier for Stevie to leave town for as long as she wanted.

The book she wrote about her and Sam was the first book that she actually completed from start to finish. She had many other works, but they all went nowhere, and she usually gave up on them when she didn't feel inspired by their endings. Of course, it needed editing, but it had the potential to really go somewhere other than her laptop screen.

For the first time in what felt like years, Stevie was excited about where her life was going. She had finished a book draft, she was on track to finish her degree, she had finally crossed the hurdle of facing her grief, she was in love, and she was about to have the adventure of her life not only with Sam but also with Jake, someone she had missed quite possibly the most during such a dark period of her life.

When they headed back up into the yard in front of the house, Stevie reached out and rubbed behind Rosie's ears when she was sniffing the grass. She raised her head to look at Stevie and began jumping around in excitement, making Stevie laugh. Stevie encouraged it by crouching down and petting her more, making Rosie jump up with her paws against Stevie's shoulders and pushing her onto her back.

"Rosie!" Stevie exclaimed with laughter and Rosie started giving her kisses, making Stevie laugh louder. Sam stepped outside and found them in the grass, laughing to himself and crossing his arms.

"What are you guys doing?" Sam asked and Rosie looked at him, running to greet him, leaving Stevie lying there, catching her breath. She sat up and smiled at them, "We just went for a walk. The poor girl was locked up for so long."

Sam looked down at his dog and back at Stevie with a menacing smile, "Get her Rose! Get her!"

Rosie started to jump around Sam's legs and Stevie laughed, standing up and wiping the dirt off her jeans. She walked over to him and grabbed his shirt, kissing him hard. When she pulled away Sam shook his head in surprise, "What was that for?"

"I just love you," Stevie smiled, patting his chest and grabbing Rosie's leash again, walking her up the steps to the house, "Don't forget to get eggs! We're out."

She looked back at Sam and winked before she opened the front door and let Rosie run inside.

"I love you too," Sam shouted after her, unlocking the car and blowing her a kiss. She smiled and walked inside, taking a deep breath to get started on the cleaning.

Later that evening, Stevie had finished her cleaning and was confident that the place looked presentable enough for tomorrow. Sam was in the kitchen experimenting with recipes he wanted to try while hosting everyone. Stevie tried to tell him that he didn't need to do anything extravagant and that it was just the Fourth of July. However, he insisted on doing something special.

"Who knows when the next time all of us will be together like this?" Sam asked, "And if that will be before Ronnie and Tyler's wedding."

"Hypothetical wedding, of course," Stevie laughed, "You know what happens when people start pressuring Ronnie."

Sam looked up from what he was doing with wide eyes, making Stevie laugh. She sat and watched him work, not entirely sure what the hell was going on.

"What exactly are you making?" Stevie asked and Sam wore a small smile, "I'll never reveal my secrets!"

"Babe," Stevie chuckled, "I'm literally watching everything you're doing."

Sam turned his back to her and she started laughing, "So far you've poured a bunch of random stuff in a bowl! Are you making a sauce or something?"

"I want to make something that's fresh!" Sam exclaimed, "Something refreshing for a summer barbecue! A salad of some sort that isn't just a basic green salad. So, I'm making a dressing."

"Ohhh," Stevie cooed, "How elegant!"

Sam peeked over his shoulder at her with a smirk, "Come here since you want to be all nosey over there."

She hopped off the seat she was on and rounded the kitchen island to stand beside him, peeking past his shoulder to see what he had stirred together. Sam lifted a spoon up and glanced softly at her, "Open up and tell me what you think of this."

Sam held the spoon up to her mouth and she tried the dressing he threw together, widening her eyes as she tasted it, "Woah! It's good!"

"But is it missing anything?" he looked back down at the bowl in front of him, "I feel like it's missing something."

Stevie hummed, scratching her chin and shrugging, "No! It's citrusy and bright! Lots of lemon! It might be good for like a Greek salad situation."

"Ah," Sam nodded, "Greek salad! That's what I should do! Would you eat Greek salad with a hot dog?"

"I most certainly would," Stevie nodded, "Call me crazy but I might even put Greek salad on my hotdog."

"No," Sam shook his head and made a face, "That's too far."

She started to laugh and shrugged, "What's wrong with that?"

"Soggy buns?" Sam looked at her with raised brows and she rolled her eyes, laughing harder, "Well, you're the chef! I don't know what I'm talking about!"

Sam went to the cupboard to look over what he had purchased at the store and he sighed, "If I make Greek salad, I need to go back to the store."

"Nuh uh," Stevie shook her head, "The veggies with a Greek dressing is all that you need!"

"No chickpeas? No feta?" Sam shook his head, "That just wouldn't be right!"

"Then call Josh! Tell him to bring some!"

Sam sighed again and nodded, "Fine! Fine! I'm taking the hint!"

He grabbed plastic wrap out of the drawer and covered the bowl with it, sticking it in the fridge. Then, he turned to her and rested his elbow on the counter, leaning his head into his hand, "What do you want to do, lady?"

Stevie bit the inside of her cheek and looked up at him with a mischievous grin, "I have an idea! Grab your shoes and let's go!"

She tugged on his arm, leading him out of the kitchen and around to the mudroom. He chuckled, trying to keep up with her. "Go where exactly?"

"Just for a stroll," Stevie explained, "Don't worry! It'll be fun!"

Stevie slipped on her sandals and walked out the front door, smiling wide when she felt how warm the July night air felt on her skin, even with the sun gone. She stood on the porch, impatiently waiting for Sam. When he finally joined her and closed the door behind him, she grabbed his hand, holding onto his arm and leading him down the porch steps.

She took him down to the beach by the lake and the only light they had to guide them was from the moon. Stevie always loved to come out by the lake at night when she was growing up. There was something so soothing about how the lake water gently lapped against the land much gentler than the ocean. Before she ventured out into a much bigger city and a faster-paced life with Sam, she wanted to make sure that they still had time to do something so mundane and peaceful before their summer was over.

"You know," Sam cleared his throat, "I thought magical summers died with my youth when high school was over."

Stevie looked up at him briefly and shook her head with a scoff, "Summertime is always magic."

"I wasn't finished," Sam rolled his eyes and nudged her gently, "As I was saying, this has been the most life-changing summer yet. I owe it all to you."

Stevie's cheeks flushed and she felt her heart squeeze, but she answered promptly, "Well, I can't take all the credit here."

"Sure you can," Sam laughed, "By being the most stubborn people-pleaser I know, you not only taught me how to slow down and reconnect with myself, but you helped me finally open up to Jake after a couple of years of resenting him. You've helped me with my grief over your dad's passing and you showed me how to let go of my mistakes and grow from them."

"I wouldn't say that was all me though," Stevie sighed, "Sure, I was there for all of those things but that's all work you had to want to make happen. A lot of your growth you did on your own."

"Sure," Sam nodded, "I'll take that and run with it, but even just being in your presence makes me a better person, Stevie."

She stopped walking and pulled him back. Sam looked at her with concern that quickly faded when he saw the smile on her face. Stevie reached her hand out and tucked some of his hair behind his ear, "You're sweet."

"Only to the really good ones," Sam mumbled, and Stevie laughed, hugging him tightly. They stayed that like for a moment, Stevie's eyes fluttering closed, and Sam rubbing her back softly.

Suddenly, she looked up at him with a shit-eating grin and he narrowed his eyes, "What kind of sick idea do you have now?"

She couldn't help a giggle from escaping before stepping away from their embrace, "Let's do something crazy tonight!"

"Like what?" he asked.

She held his hands and started to walk backward towards the water, and he hesitantly went with her. When she got close enough to the water for her liking, she dropped his hands and held the hemline of her t-shirt. He watched her with a confused expression, but a smirk rested on his features as she peeled her shirt off her skin. Stevie kicked off her sandals and shimmed out of her shorts, biting her lip before reaching behind her back to undo her bra.

"Stephanie," Sam gasped, "Skinny dipping?"

"Samuel," Stevie taunted, "You know you want to!"

Once her bra was off, Stevie threw it at Sam's face and started laughing before she got rid of her underwear and started running towards the water. She turned back and shouted, "Hurry up!"

Sam shook his head and laughed to himself before hurriedly stripping his own clothes away and chasing her. He stopped on the edge of the water and Stevie was already fully swimming. She laughed when she saw him hesitating.

"What are you doing?" Stevie shouted, "Are you too chicken?"

"Stevie!" Sam argued, "It's going to be fucking freezing!"

"Come on," she teased, "It's not that bad! Now come over here and kiss me, dammit!"

"God," Sam took a deep breath before running into the water and bracing himself, "You're insane!"

Sam swam to her and immediately, their arms wrapped around each other. She smiled feeling the warmth radiating off of him under the chilled surface of his skin.

"Isn't it nice, though?" Stevie asked, "A nice cool down in this sticky summer air?"

"I can think of a couple of things that are much nicer than this," Sam chuckled when his hands moved down the small of her back and pinched her ass playfully. Stevie rolled her eyes but wrapped her legs around his torso and rested her head against his shoulder.

Sam swam around with Stevie, who latched onto him for warmth. He twirled them around obnoxiously in the water, and when he had grown tired enough, he held onto her before he lunged forward, enveloping them both in the cold darkness below. Stevie released him from her grasp but managed to find his hands and intertwined their fingers upon returning to the surface. Sam gasped when he came up and Stevie emerged from the water laughing. Sam's lips responded to the sound by turning upwards into a small smile. Her laughter was a sound he wished to never get out of his head. He could listen to it daily for the rest of his life, but it still wouldn't be enough.

Without saying anything, Stevie swam to shore, and Sam mindlessly followed her. When she got out of the water, she held out her hand to him and smiled, "Let's go take a hot shower now."

Sam took her hand and they headed to the heap of their clothing in the dirt. Stevie grabbed her clothes hurriedly and stuck her tongue out at him before yelling, "Race you to the house!"

Then, she started running, still completely naked and Sam didn't have time to think before he called after her, "Are you nuts?! Someone could see you, Stevie! You're going to give me a fucking heart attack!"

Sam held his clothes securely against his crotch before he started to run after her, but he didn't catch up with Stevie until he was back inside the house. When he returned, he found her catching her breath and hysterically laughing in the mudroom.

"Are you out of your mind?" Sam asked, winded from his run, "What if someone had been driving and just witnessed you sprinting with your junk hanging out everywhere?"

"Hey!" Stevie protested, "Who died and made you a stick in the mud?"

"Sorry," Sam sighed, "I'm just protective of your hot bod, babe."

She gave him a knowing look and shook her head, walking to him and grabbing his hands, "Come on!"

Stevie turned around, holding onto his hands and dragging him upstairs into her bathroom. Sam rubbed his hands together and began shivering as she went to turn the shower on, waiting for it to heat up. Once it was warm enough, she held the shower door open and motioned Sam to step in.

"Come on in my little popsicle," Stevie laughed. Sam glared at her but didn't argue, stepping into the shower and hissing when the hot water made contact with his icy skin, causing tingles to erupt all over.

"Shit," Sam complained, "This is hot!"

"You're too cold," Stevie started to mock him, "Now you're too hot! Jeez, you're such a diva."

She walked into the shower after him and shut the door, smiling at the sight of him. Stevie reached for the shampoo and put a small amount into her hand, motioning Sam to turn around and he obliged. Without speaking, she started to rub the shampoo into his scalp, massaging his head gently and making sure to clean his hair thoroughly. Sam sighed in relief and closed his eyes at the feeling.

After he rinsed the soap out of his hair, Stevie did the same process with the conditioner and he smiled when she was done, motioning for her to turn around so he could reciprocate the favor. Sam spoke as he gently shampooed Stevie's hair, "I'm really going to miss you."

"Stop that right now," Stevie complained, "Stop talking about how much you'll miss me and bringing my mood down!"

"I'm just saying," Sam leaned down and pressed a kiss on her shoulder, "I am going to miss you even if you choose to pretend that we don't only have two days left together."

"Sam," Stevie sighed before rinsing the shampoo out of her hair, "If you don't stop talking about it, I swear to God I'll start crying right now."

"Good," he provoked, and she gasped, "What are you, a sadist or something? You want to make me cry?"

"No, of course I don't want you to," Sam groaned, "But at least I know you're as sad about it as I am."

"Of course I'm sad about you leaving," Stevie turned and placed her hands on his shoulders. She looked up at him and her eyes were unreadable for the first time in weeks. Sam smiled sadly and she sighed, "I don't want to spend any time apart, especially after becoming so used to having you around! Unfortunately, it comes with the gig."

Sam sighed and he didn't know what else to say, so he grabbed her face and kissed her. It was a short kiss, but it was sweet and when they broke away, Stevie managed to smile.

"You have people depending on you," she said, "Thousands of people! And I've got plenty of things I need to attend to, so we will be fine!"

Sam nodded weakly and grabbed the conditioner, "Okay, okay. We can stop talking about it now! Turn around."

Stevie turned around and waited for Sam to touch her again. Once his hands contacted her scalp again, she closed her eyes and smiled. She wanted to gush to him about how he didn't need to spend time being sad because they'd be together longer than he knew, but she couldn't ruin her own work by telling him her secret.

Sam's hand moved slowly, being extra careful with her hair in his hands. He even rinsed it out for her this time, and he relished the sight of her with her head tilted back in the water and her eyes closed, careful not to get any product in her eyes. When she was upright again, Sam's body pressed against her back and he moved all of her hair to one of her shoulders, planting soft kisses along the exposed side of her neck.

The two of them didn't speak as they got out of the shower and dried off. Both were lost in their thoughts, not knowing how to convey what they wanted to about being apart. Stevie wanted to comfort Sam, but she wasn't sure how without forcing herself to lie over and over again. It was already hard enough to orchestrate an entire plan with his siblings without his knowledge of it. She didn't want him to believe that she wasn't worried about him going on tour, but she wasn't.

Sam, on the other hand, was already missing her, but trying his hardest to not dampen the mood while they were still together. It was always hard when he had to be on the road and this deep sensation of yearning and loneliness of everyone would come before he was even gone. Now that it was Stevie, that sensation came on so much stronger.

They both slipped into pajamas and as Stevie tugged another band shirt over her head, she finally spoke, "Did you ask your brothers to bring those extra groceries you need?"

"Oh yeah," Sam nodded, "Josh will know what to get."

"Perfect," Stevie smiled, "What should we do with the rest of our evening?"

"Want me to make us some tea?" Sam asked with a small smile, tucking the sensation into the back of his brain for now and she nodded, "Sounds lovely."

The pair went downstairs and Stevie settled on the couch, grabbing a blanket and getting comfy. Sam brewed them some tea and he carefully brought the cups into the living room, setting them down and sitting beside Stevie on the couch. He reached over to the coffee table and picked up her rough draft of the book while Stevie was browsing her TV, trying to find something to put on.

"Want to read this to me?" Sam asked and she glared at him for a moment before laughing, "Sam, the whole point of me giving you a copy was so you could review it by yourself."

"I know," Sam sighed, "And I will! But wouldn't it be a little romantic to have a live reading?"

Stevie scoffed but she sat up and took the pages from him, "Fine! I will read the first chapter, but then you are on your own!"

"Deal," Sam smiled and grabbed his tea, settling in to hear her read. Stevie threw part of the blanket over Sam's lap, took a deep breath and couldn't help her cheeks from flushing as she cleared her throat.

"Chapter One," Stevie read, "How do I start a story about someone I've known their entire life? I could start anywhere in the timeline, I suppose, but not all of it matters."

"Wow," Sam said, "My entire life doesn't matter?"

"Stop it," Stevie argued, "No feedback during the reading! Thank you."

Sam chuckled and Stevie turned to look at the page again, "Those are all stories for another time. This story will begin at the point where I really thought I had this guy pinned down. Spoiler alert, I didn't."

Sam watched her read to him and he let out a sigh of relief at the sound of her voice, taking the evening to unwind with her just like this.

The next day, Sam and Stevie both were full steam ahead trying to get everything set up before their guests arrived. Stevie wasted no time decorating for the holiday and Sam spent so much time in the kitchen, Stevie had to remind him to get dressed.

Sam had just finished cleaning the kitchen counters and Stevie had just set the centerpiece on the patio table in the backyard when she heard Josh's Jeep pull into her driveway. A smile spread across her face as she hurried into the house and peeked her head into the kitchen.

"The twins are here," Stevie beamed, and Sam nodded, "Perfect timing."

Stevie went out onto the front porch and waited as she watched her friends get out of the car, already bickering with each other.

"No," Josh said, "I told you it was at 1 o'clock Jake! We are perfectly on time."

"Josh," Jake argued, "It's 2:30."

Stevie laughed and walked down the steps, approaching them, "I actually didn't tell you a time due to this exact reason."

"Stevie!" Josh exclaimed, grabbing a grocery bag out of the back seat and sealing her into a hug, "Happy Fourth!"

She hugged him and chuckled, "Happy Fourth, Josh! Love the fit as always."

He was wearing a ridiculously patriotic tank top and small tan shorts with a silly top hat and Josh smiled, "Of course, I can always count on Mom to hold onto these gems."

Jake walked around to the back of the Jeep and pulled out a case of Coronas before also throwing his arm around Stevie in a tight side hug.

"Steve," Jake said, "Always a pleasure."

She squeezed him back and nodded, "Jacob. Happy Fourth!"

"Likewise," Jake smiled, "Are you sure it's okay that we brought these?"

He lifted the box in his hands and Stevie nodded, "Perfectly fine. There's a cooler in the backyard for them."

"Excellent," Jake nodded and they all headed inside.

"Sammy!" Josh shouted, "Where are you?"

"I'm right here," Sam popped out from the living room and Josh smiled, "I brought what you requested! What are you making?"

"You'll see," Sam took the bag from him and went back into the kitchen and Josh sighed, "You're welcome!"

Ronnie and Tyler were the next to show up, not long after the twins arrived and Stevie let them in.

"Welcome to my new home," Stevie said and Ronnie gasped, "Stevie! This place looks amazing! Almost nothing like I remember it!"

"It's still a bit of a work in progress," Stevie laughed, "But it's good for now! Please, make yourselves at home! We're about to start grilling! There's a cooler in the back for your booze."

"Copy that," Tyler said, making his way to the back porch.

Once everyone was together, they all began chatting and Sam finally joined after fixing his salad.

It was midafternoon and as laughter filled the lake house, an intense warmth swelled in Stevie's chest. She watched each of her friends with a small smile across her features. She watched the corners of Sam's eyes crinkle when he laughed at something Josh said. She watched the dimples in Josh's cheeks deepen when he clapped his hands together at the affirmation of the group. She watched Ronnie bump Tyler with her hip as they gave each other knowing looks. And she smiled even wider when she watched Jake throw his head back in laughter, clapping his hand on Josh's back.

It felt so great to host them here. All by herself now. She had been hosting them all summer, but the thought of this being her new normal gave her an overwhelming sense of belonging. She would do everything all over again if this were the outcome.

The bitter loneliness she felt at her dad's funeral, all of the fights and stress of her relationship with Ryan, fighting with Jake, even all of the stress and fights with Sam. Stevie would do it all again just for this moment right here with all of her friends and the man she loved in her house, celebrating together. After spending years being unsure of herself and her life, there was nothing she was more sure of now. She was never letting any of them go.

The air was filled with a sweet mixture of warm graham crackers and sugared strawberries from Sam's attempt at a cheesecake. It almost made this memory even sweeter.

"Hey you," Jake called to her, "What's going on in your mind over there? Josh's jokes just don't have the same appeal to you as they once did, huh?"

Stevie's eyes shifted to meet his and she felt her breath catch in her throat, "Oh, no! Just taking mental pictures or whatever."

"Well perfect," Sam smiled, walking over to the mantle in the living room, grabbing his camera, and giddily speed-walking back to the group, "Everyone get together!"

He wrapped one arm around Stevie, pulling her into him and stretching his arm out to take his best attempt at a picture. Stevie jumped when Jake jumped up beside her, but it made her laugh and the flash went off. She was certain her eyes were shut, but she was excited to see how the photo came out when it was developed anyway.

"I absolutely love what you've done with the house, Steve," Ronnie sighs when the group disperses again and she spins, admiring the décor.

"Actually," Stevie smiles, giving Sam another squeeze before letting him go, "Sam did all of this."

"Well, not all of it," Sam chuckled, "You gave me all the ideas for it."

Stevie snickered and nodded to Ronnie, "You should check out upstairs because I never said anything about my fancy new study and there it is!"

Sam shrugged, "It was a study, so I made it a study!"

"Oh, Sam," Ronnie held her hand to her heart, "That is so sweet! Come on, Ty, let's go snoop!"

She grabbed Tyler's hand and they went upstairs, Stevie beaming as they went.

"Mom's planning on having a party tomorrow," Josh chimed in, "Are you guys game for that?"

"Of course," Stevie nodded, "Last night in town!"

"Ah yes," Josh nodded, "And what a time off it has been."

He winked at Sam and Sam made a face, shaking his head, "Yeah, what a time."

"Are you ready to get back into it?" Jake asked and Sam stiffened but he nodded, "Yeah, I'm ready."

"It's going to be great," Josh encouraged, "I'll make sure of it."

Stevie reached for Sam's hand, giving it a squeeze and he smiled at her.

"Is it time to swim now?" she asked and Sam ran his hand along his jaw, "Everything is ready to go after the grilling is over, so yeah! We can swim."

"Is the grill on?" Jake asked and Stevie nodded, "Yep! Fired up and ready for you grill master!"

"Hey!" Sam protested, "I thought I was grilling this time!"

"Sam, you've done literally everything else," Stevie sighed, "Come swim with me!"

Sam narrowed his eyes at Jake but when he looked down at Stevie, he smiled again, "Okay, fine. Whatever you want."

"Don't worry," Jake rubbed Sam's head, making Sam jolt away, "I got this."

Stevie led Sam outside while Jake went to the fridge and pulled the burgers and dogs out, following them outside to his station at the grill. Sam unbuttoned his shirt and shrugged it off, laying it neatly over a patio chair and Stevie pulled two towels out of the shed for them. She met him at his chair and set the towels down, taking his hand and smiling up at him with mischievous eyes.

"Ready?" Stevie asked and Sam looked at her with a worrisome expression, "I think so?"

"Come on!" She pulled on his arm, running towards the water and Sam took in a deep breath, jumping into the pool with her. They both came up to the surface laughing and Stevie ran her hands through her hair, opening her eyes to smile at him.

"I bet you can't hold your breath as long as I can," Sam teased and she rolled her eyes, "Try me."

It was just the two of them in the pool for a good chunk of time. The twins were keeping each other company while they enjoyed some beers and Tyler and Ronnie met them all outside shortly after. Once Ronnie and Tyler joined them in the pool, Sam challenged them to a game of chicken and that's how the afternoon was until Jake was done with the grill.

"Hey," Jake shouted, "Peanut gallery! Soup's on!"

"Why do you always talk like you're eighty years old?" Sam teased and they filed out of the pool.

"Why do you question me, Sam?" Jake rolled his eyes, "I thought we've been over this."

Once dried, Sam and Stevie set up the buffet line in the kitchen and everyone sat at the patio table together, listening to music and talking amongst themselves as they ate.

"This salad is yummy," Stevie nudged Sam with her knee, "You were right about the chickpeas, babe."

"I know," Sam winked, "I'm always right."

She scoffed and shook her head, "Yeah, sure you are."

"It's all delicious, Sam," Josh nodded, "Well done."

"Thanks, Josh!" Sam smiled and stuck his tongue out at Stevie. She kicked him under the table and with this motion, Rosie stuck her head in Stevie's lap.

"I'm not falling for it, Rose," Stevie cooed, "You're gonna have to bother your dad."

"Rosie!" Jake shouted, "Go get it!"

He chucked a hot dog into the pool and sure enough, Rosie ran after it, bellyflopping in the water and making everyone laugh.

"Jake," Sam groaned, "She doesn't need a chlorine hot dog! She'll get sick!"

"No, she won't," Jake taunted, "She's a dog, Sam. They are resilient."

Once they had eaten, everyone swam, drank, and hung out more until the sun had finally set and it was dark enough to let off fireworks. This was one thing that Stevie had forgotten about, but thankfully, Josh was prepared with a ton of different things he picked up at a fireworks stand on his way here.

"Holy shit," Sam gawked when Josh opened his trunk, "Is this many explosives even legal?"

"Dunno," Josh shrugged, "But they weren't stopping me so I assume it's fine."

"Let's take them down by the lake," Stevie said, "Nothing too close to the house."

"Aye, aye captain!" Josh saluted, "Do you have a wagon or something that we can roll them down with?"

"I should in the garage," Stevie nodded, "Let me check!"

"I'll help," Jake said quickly, following Stevie to the garage door and waiting for her to punch in the code.

Once they were inside, searching, Jake let out a deep breath, "So, got everything set up for your next diabolical plan?"

"It's not diabolical!" Stevie gasped, "And yes, yes I do. Although, it's been exceedingly difficult to pack for the tour without Sam knowing. I've managed here and there."

"How long will you be on the road with us?" Jake asked and Stevie shrugged, "Not sure. My flight is one way as of right now."

"Ohh," Jake smiled, "How spontaneous! Sam is going to be so pumped."

"I hope so! He's been kind of freaking out about leaving," Stevie sighed and she spotted the wagon, "Oh, there it is!"

"Don't worry," Jake grunted as he pushed a toolbox out of the way and grabbed the wagon, "He's going to be thrilled when he sees you on his doorstep. Just don't give in, no matter how much he whines and complains about it, okay?"

"I'm trying," Stevie said, "Seriously! I just keep trying to change the subject or avoid it altogether. I bet tomorrow it will be a bit harder to do."

"Probably," Jake set the wagon down and sighed, "But just tell him how much you love him and it'll be fine."

"Okay," Stevie laughed, "Whatever you say!"

They wheeled the wagon out from the garage and Stevie closed it up again, rejoining the group and hauling the explosives down by the lake. The group of them lit sparklers, took pictures and everyone let Josh be the one in charge of lighting the fireworks, not wanting to risk getting burned.

It was so much fun. More fun than Stevie had in years. They were all running around, dancing, being dumb and Stevie just wanted the night to last forever. It was incredible how fast the last couple of months flew by her. Jake showed up unannounced on her doorstep at the end of April and with the start of July, everything had changed so drastically. Now, she was seated in the dirt with Sam beside her, her arm wrapped around his and her head on his shoulder. They watched the sky light up with a million colors and laughed every time they watched Josh run away after lighting a firework.

"Did today go as wonderfully as you had hoped for?" Sam asked her making her look up at him, "Even better. I could get used to having everyone here on the Fourth. Or some other holiday where everyone is here."

"Maybe we can," Sam smiled, "Ya know, time allowing."

We. Such a simple replacement of the word "you". It made Stevie's heart expand in her chest and she looked at him for a lot longer than normally.

"You okay?" Sam asked, furrowing his brows together, "Do I have something on my face?"

"No," Stevie shook her head, "I'm just enjoying the view."

Sam winked and he brought his hand to her cheek, kissing her softly as the screech of another firework went off.

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