#i want consistency for one fucking day
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maybe i’ll get my vape out of my suitcase and get a lil silly
#repressing my emotions is so much easier than feeling them#i wanted to have a good joyful break and it’s been so unbearably stressful and i feel like i’ve wasted all my precious family time#i’m so furious#i want to scream and i don’t even have the car to go out and scream in#i miss my baby#i want my santa fe back#i don’t want change i don’t want a car with different problems i want the same car with the same problems#i want consistency for one fucking day#i want my dog back i want my friend to still be alive i want this stupid firestick to work so i can watch this fucking movie#i want peace and joy and love and no stress no anxiety no grief no pain no loss#i’m so tired of feeling everything but happiness#i’m so depressed this shit is eating away at me#i want to buy things so i can fill the hole in my chest
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he’s literally so beautiful and handsome
#HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THAT IM SO FUCKING WEAK EVERY TIME BEOMGYU AND GUITAR LIKE LITERALLY MY HEART MELTS#I LOVE EVERY TIME HE PERFORMS W GUITAR I THINK THIS ONE IS MY FAVE SO FAR#his outfit as well omfg he looks so fucking good they styled him well g#the guitar is so pretty as well and I love the strap the bird design on the fretboard is so cool#I heard there’s only 200 of them as well I don’t even play guitar but I want to buy it just bc it’s so beautiful#BEOMGYU RAPPING !!! OH MY GOD 😭😭😭#HE DID SO WELL#HIS SINGING AS WELL#and his guitar parts were really good in this one like he’s improved sm I’m so proud of him 😭#like he’d never performed w guitar on stage before until recently and doing lots of lives and practicing a lot more#like I remember him saying he got a few guitar lessons for wonder and him saying he was shocked bc he realised he’s not that good at guitar#and is starting to learn the basics again and practicing more consistently#and he really has improved you can hear it ! I was actually shocked like it sounded so good#beomgyu<3!#also the when he posted on Instagram literally squealed THEYRE SO FUCKING PRETTY#honestly one of my favourite pictures of him#what can I say I love pretty sunsets and pretty boys#yo why are the tags so long 😭😭 wtf#I’m sorry I can talk about beomgyu for days
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spent the day doodling parkciv, will I doodle more tomorrow? We will see-
#dedicating this post to Ru cause Seawatt doodle#seawatt#Madi's art :>#parkour civilization#parkciv#seawatt gaming#emf#evbo's master friend#pkciv#pkciv fanart#parkour civilization fanart#master friend#this is mainly me trying to figure out how I want to consistently doodle them and I just wanted to draw EMF again i love him#and because Ru has been drawing him with a ponytail recently I had to draw him with a ponytail and I think he mainly puts his hair in a pon#when he's doing parkour battles and the only reason his hair is down for the final image is because this is either his first parkour battle#as a master or it's the time he challenged Evbo to a parkour battle and his shit got rocked#If he's also planning on doing A LOT of parkour one day he will take off his tail jewelry cause the dangly bit fucks up his balance just a#teensy bit just a wee little bit#also crowns are so hard to draw so why are there TWO characters in here with them this is TRAGIC#fanart#BUT YEAH GUYS HOPE YOU LIKE THIS-#FUCK I FORGOT THE WHITE AT THE ENDS OF HIS EAR IN THE LAST IMAGE FUCK PRETEND IT'S THERE OKAY OKAY
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the other day i walked around the golden lake w my love and the sun was setting hot and orange and we watched a brown duck preening through the weeds, ducking her head under the dark water. the cool lake swallowed up my tired feet to the ankles and we counted the dog walkers with their curly panting doodles and their handsome german shepherds and their whip smart little terriers and we admired the careful construction of a sand castle whose moat held determinedly against the lapping of the waves. we could feel in our chests the persistent thunderous thumping of celebratory music at the finish line of the lakeside 5k, welcoming each gasping runner across its bounds. and i felt like crying. i felt like curling into myself and crying. we walked through the swamp of the bird sanctuary afterwards and listened to the woods sing and croak and groan and then we went and got ube and yuzu gelato and devoured it suntired and sweating on the couch in our living room. and i was so overcome w a deep and true unshakeable happiness and a sort of confused grief that i wanted to sob and sob and sob.
#i am so happy for the first time in my entire life#a consistent and true joyfulness#i am in love w my life#i want to stick around to see it#and i mean that w my entire being for the first time in my whole life#and to say that means confronting the first 24 years of my life where that wasn’t true#where i was miserable and heartbroken and unkind and dishonest and cruel#and i didn’t want to be alive#even when i was doing well i still didn’t want to be alive#for 24 years.#i had no fucking idea being alive could be so easy. i had no idea.#i want to hold myself and tell them i want to wrap myself up and say it will be BETTER#it will be so so far from perfect but it will be so so good you just have to hold on#i am so happy but i am mourning#i don’t know how to articulate it at all i just feel#happy but grieving#i LOVE this new city we live in i LOVE it here#i like my job enough to stand it for enough hours a week to get by#i have the time and the energy to throw myself into hobbies like knitting and cooking#i watch one or two good movies a week#i eat delicious food i’ve made and from restaurants we want to try#i’m IN LOVE. with my girlfriend in a way that’s so overwhelming and unlike anything i’ve ever felt that words don’t do it justice#i have friends who are gentle and patient with me when it’s hard for me to reach out#i am fighting agoraphobia tooth and fucking nail and i’m seeing the world and experiencing it#i laugh every day!!!! every single day!!!!#i have a goofy wonderful dog and an incredibly sweet cat#i talk to my baby brother all the time and he tells me he loves me and he’s graduating college soon and i’m so fucking proud#i wish i would’ve known how good it would all become#i wish i could’ve known#personal
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jerkin' it to the idea of job security and a modest disposable income
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Ethel Archer and Victor Neuburg's friendship is so dearly funny to me.
You have this Kinsey 5 woman who married the only guy she ever fancied and loves him to bits and pieces, and spends her free time writing impassioned love poems about other women (and nothing else).
And then you have this lithe, faun-like man -- indubitably would've been called a "twink" in this day for his youth and slight physique -- who's nervous and gentle and looks at his mentor like a lovestruck puppy. Like that man hung the stars in the fucking sky.
And then he takes one look at Archer's poetry and goes "hmm... 🤨🏳️🌈 kinda gay."
And she's shocked at this -- vantablack pot calling the kettle black -- and whenever she voices that, he's just like, "okay, Sappho."
Yes, he took to calling her Sappho.
Neuburg reviewed all of the poems that appeared in The Equinox, and every goddamn time Archer submitted a poem, he'd turn to her and go, "gee, Ethel, pardon me if I am mistaken, but this sounds kind of gay..."
I dunno, the fact that this bisexual man and this bi/lesbian woman were friends and exchanged lighthearted banter brings light to my heart. It's sweet.
#posts I would make if I was on tumbler#not tagging AC because this ain't about him#(fun fact: this little group that Archer and Neuburg were part of - consisting of three women who wanted to fuck AC↙️ one Victor who wanted#the same↙️ two lesbians↙️ and one girl who was just like 'wow he's a freak. I need him for my freak collection' - became known as The Harem)#(they'd make for hell of a sitcom. a ragtag group of poets and musicians↙️ headed by England's insane occultist↙️ trying to keep their#esoteric newspaper flourishing. when one day Insane Occultist is like. ''GUYS. We're going to THEATRE. We're gonna DANCE and DRINK#CACTUS WATER and recite POETRY to the GODS and Mommy Leila here will ASCEND YOU with her VIOLIN'')#(yes he called his crush Mother in the year 191something. to be fair. it was short for ''the mother of Earth'' or something.)#(sorry the tags turned into Crowley Trivia Night. anyways. Archer/Neuburg friendship sweep)
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not for anything but friendly reminder that ~fandom discourse~ about where women belong (or people you perceive as women) is misogynistic as fuck. or what they're allowed to say, or what they're allowed to write about, or what they're allowed to enjoy.
next time you see someone having a tantrum and vaguing, especially if their posts from week to week completely contradict each other, perhaps analyze if the common denominator is "a gross woman said something and now i'm mad" without otherwise adhering to any actual principles.
#like i wonder if someone consistently preaches that we need to respect each other's headcanons#but they are specifically bothered by women & people they assume are women#and they keep specifically complaining about how ANNOYING GIRLS are the ones with such STUPID ideas#if maybe that person is just a fucking misogynist LMAO#and maybe we shouldn't give them the time of day :)#but what do i know lol im just a dumb girl with my dumb girl brain#anyway sorry guys i hate posting vagues i think it's really immature but like how much of this do we fucking tolerate#and can you please stop reblogging him bc tumblr's block & mute functions are terrible#if i'm not vague about it does it still count as a vague?#i hate public drama but like he didn't want to resolve it in private either and won't shut the fuck up haha sorry#but i also fucking hate bullies so#:)#also in b4 fandom clique conspiracies start floating around#if you act like a misogynist dickhead and get blocked by a bunch of people#it's not a cabal of mean girls ganging up on you#maybe you're the problem lol#knock it the fuck off aren't you tired of this it's been a year man#get a life.
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Living alone and being single is nice until you have exciting news and no one to tell, until you have big things happening and no one to share in the process with you, until you just want quality time with someone and no one immediately available, until you realize that you haven’t said anything in several hours because there’s no one to engage in conversation with…
#mine#text post#I could go on#I really do love being alone and can acknowledge that I can’t contribute to a religious in the way that I want to right now#but fuck does it get lonely sometimes#and like I have friends but they’re not available all the time for everything#and idk lol#I just had some really exciting things happen at the end of the work day#and the only one who’s in my apartment that I could tell is my dog 😂#but it just would be nice sometimes to have someone for those big and small moments#ya know??#and also just someone consistent for that human connection that is normal and needed#*relationship lol NOT religious 😂
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for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........
#MOTHER FFFFUCKER#to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants#im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night#at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn#to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS#the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori#but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey#consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!!#just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick#outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to#animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better#at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH#i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc#im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over#where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands#there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE#ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles#but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your#health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!!#im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves#also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet#im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to#have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to#to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up#their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ#yapping
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so there's a trans woman who goes to the centre and everyone calls her by her birthname which she is like... fine with but only because she has no choice but to be fine about it. anyways I've known her for a while through a trans group before the centre so I asked her today if she'd rather I call her by her birthname or her chosen name and she said she prefers her chosen name but I can call her by her birthname if I want and oh my god I was about to cry for her bc god I really feel that whole situation fjdkdl, I just told her "no I WANT to call you by the name you prefer, that's why I'm asking, I want to make sure it's safe for you if I call you [preferred name]" and she seemed so grateful and I'm just :') eeurrgghh i hate how we have to be grateful with crumbs !!!
its just absolutely wild to me that she's presenting femininely and wears skirts and dresses and everything and uses her preferred name when she writes her name down on stuff and yet everyone at the centre calls her by her birthname and he/him pronouns. like. how are people so fucking rude and oblivious ??? she's even worn a she/her pronoun pin to the centre like.... people are so fucking stupid about trans people I stg.
idk I'm just hoping to make her feel a bit more comfortable and maybe if I start calling her by the right name and pronouns then everyone else will too eventually because I know she doesnt feel safe correcting people. I'm not going to make a big thing of it obviously bc I don't want to put her in danger but I will be using the correct name and pronouns now that I've double-checked with her about it, and if I start feeling like it's making things worse for her then I'll check in with her again at that point. I've honestly been stumbling trying to use he/him for her when I mention her to other ppl because she is just... she/her in my brain. it's what I know she wants to use so it feel fucking awful to use anything else !!!
#and my counselor said smth abt her that rly didnt sit right with me#but i was too scared to challenge her on it and ask what she meant by what she'd said#it might just be that this woman talks too much and will talk my ear off if i let her fjfkdl#and then i wont make friends if i just sit with her every day like i was doing the first couple weeks#but smth abt the way she said smth more like... ''getting sucked into all the stuff [she] has going on''#but said in a more... eugh way#idk it set off transphobia alarm bells in my head. ''ooh man wearing a dress who thinks he's a woman how crazy and perverted'' sort of vibe#I'm just... worried. that my counselor is transphobic lmao. I haven't talked abt any of my gender stuff w her#she can she/her me all she wants lol I don't talk about gender w mental health professionals ever after that initial exp a few yrs ago#I DONT KNOW THOUGH THIS IS JUST RLY MESSING WITH ME#LIKE WHY ARE PEOPLE BEING SO WILLFULLY OBLIVIOUS ???#its really fucking upsetting and I've been trying to not let it get to me too much but jesus fucking christ c'mon people 😭😭😭#im hoping i can maybe help change things for the better bc I'll be someone on her side#since she doesnt seem to have that there. god I've cried abt this a few times bc its just awful#and it rly reminds me a bit of my own situation where i just. grin and bear the misgendering and wrong name#except im a coward compared to her fjdksl i never mention my name or pronouns#i will say though that she has consistently misgendered me no matter how often I've reminded her of my pronouns fjdksl#but like... they/them is difficult. i get that. I can't hold it against her esp bc she's in her like 50s or smth#head in my hands. i wish life were kinder to all of us. i hope one day things can be easier#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#transphobia#transmisogyny#<- for blacklists. i uhhh hope this doesnt turn up in searches but oh well !!!
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why the fuck did i write about birds this fucking sucks. i just found out birds only sleep for a few minutes at a time, hundreds of times a day. do you know what this is going to do to my structure? the logistics of their road trip? this is already like three days late and i've been fighting for my life to get A Plot Like Any Plot That Makes Sense out and now the birds fucking sleep for 5 minutes at a time.
#i should've just bailed and written another story when i had the chance#i'm not joking i've never fought a fiction piece this hard before. usually because i'm not writing for specific deadlines#and not a piece so big. and not one that's gonna be workshopped. i wanna blow them away but if things keep going the way they are everyone'#gonna tell me the pacing sucks and it feels pointless and the characters feel really confused. I KNOW. I KNOW THAT. FUCKK#i'm the type to do about 15 passes before i let someone see my 'first draft' and i'm just not gonna be able to do that if i want to get it#in time for a workshop. every day i delay is making things harder for my classmates y'know?? but i've been writing like 1k words a day#and it's still not done. GUHH#I DON'T LIKE WRITING THESE CHARACTERS THAT MUCH THEY'RE NOT FUNNY OR ENDEARING AND THAT'S MY LIKE.#MAIN SKILL AND VIBE WITH SHORT STORY DUOS. BUT NOOOO I HAD TO MAKE THEM DIFFERENT CUZ I WAS SICK OF DOING#THE SAME DYNAMIC OVER AND OVER. BITCH THIS IS YOUR FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRIED AND TRUE GETS THE BLUE (RIBBON)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head#going to work on it some more. fuckk#the voices aren't consistent and i'm trying to make it clear that this is toxic bird yuri and not a mother/daughter thing but the maternal#themes are kind of fucking with that but they're important and i don't wanna get rid of them but it feels forced cuz im forcing it#sigh. i'm gonna have to cut the yuri. these two don't work romantically at all. what a waste of time.#i watched the entirety of mnthly girls' nozaki-kun in the past two days while avoiding writing. did you know that? the lengths to which i'l#go? anyway it was fun i appreciate fellow creative agony and i uh never knew how they did screen tones and wasn't expecting that somehow#so i learned something new (hooray). anyway back to. fucking. bird story stuff#i'm so mad i hate these two (<- lying. just pissy) i hate this story (<- mostly exaggerating. throwing a tantrum)#eughhhhhh i just wanna lie on the floor and cryyyyyyyyyy (<- completely deadpan irl. not That upset just kind of sick of shit)#i'm so burnt out and it's only gonna get worse. ughh#why can't someone just come in and write it for meeeeeeeeeeheheuhhh (<- would hate that)
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feeling like im about to explode from stress due to this stupid fucking estate process.
#stress is getting me so bad im just consistently getting sick every day now lol#i want to go home. i want to hide in my room without feeling like im in the middle of everyones lives#i feel like such a fucking pest and too hard to handle. nonetheless overwhelmed. and everyone has their own issues and problems.#so i don't want to bother them with mine.#no one can really help me anyways in the process because im the sole heir other than offering advice.#im so so fucking tired.#ly talks
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how bout a dib for that zim ?!?! 💙💙💙
#fuck consistant art style all my homies hate consistant art style /q#i think my art style rlly just depends on the vibe im feelin that day#invader zim#iz#dib membrane#iz dib#irken dib#sorry i just want to nail down irkens lol#art#artwork#my art#digital art#clip studio paint#redesign#wait does it count as a redesign if there is no set design#hmm does that one scene from etf count. i guess#i love drawing shiny shiny fabric sm#i noticed like 14 mistakes post-editing so if you find any no you dont <3#S☆K♡
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I'm at the point where it's increasingly hard to function again, I can't even do fun stuff let alone things I need to get done
#these days i'm always more or less struggling#haven't been consistently fully functional in years if i'm being perfectly honest#i have good moments where i get shit done don't get me wrong but most days it's a bit of a struggle#and sometimes i just. can't get anything done#there's this urgent yelling in my head to just do SOMETHING but i just.. can't#and currently i'm definitely in the deep end of the scale and can't even do fun shit that i WANT to do like.. idk play video games#horrible timing too because i'm actively trying to take steps to get my shit together#but it's a little difficult to get one's shit together when the brain refuses to play nice#motherfucking hell. i hate it here with this fucking brain#personal#negative
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#vent#vent post#cw negative#Seven’s Public Diary#wish i wasn’t so fucking worthless and useless and stupid and selfish and mean#i am just so goddamn sick of my own bullshit. but i never change#i’m so tired of being weighed down by my 56492 mental illnesses. i don’t like being like this#my sleep schedule is so fucked up again and im tired of this constant cycle#this constant fight and endless effort to stay on a goddamn routine#all i want for christmas is a goddamn consistent sleep schedule#i hate sleeping through the day and being up all night but it’s like my body was fucking built for that or something#i don’t like it!! i want to be an early bird who goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up before the sun rises!!! but im the exact opposite!!!!!!!#i wish i just didn’t need to sleep at all. that would be the ideal. so many problems would be solved.#no i Really wish i just had the ability to fall asleep and wake up whenever i actually Want To instead of my body calling the shots#fell asleep at 9 this morning and im so mad that i didn’t get up when i was woken up at 11#a 2hr nap would’ve been fine and i would’ve made it through the rest of the day and been able to fucking sleep again tonight#but noOOooOoOo i had to give in to the allure of my warm cozy bed and fall back asleep for 9 more goddamn hours#now once again im too awake and rested to be able to go back to sleep. but once morning rolls around im gonna be exhausted again#and i’ll either give in and attempt to take a ‘nap’ and it’ll turn into a 12hr sleep again#or i’ll have to like. walk laps around the fucking house just to keep myself awake through the day#and i’ll be super irritable as a result and make everyone around me miserable too#but everyone is already beyond fed up with my issues and behavior. rightly so i guess. so i lose either way#god there was so much stuff i was gonna/supposed to do today#i don’t know how much longer they’re gonna put up with me being such a deadbeat#you think that’d like. motivate me to get my shit together or something but no. i’m addicted to being unconscious i guess#sleep feels so fucking good. until i wake up. which is funny bc it’s all nightmares and stress dreams anyway. why do i even enjoy sleeping#i guess bc for the first few hours after waking up i experience some modicum of relief from my other mental illnesses’ symptoms#like a soft reset.#and it’s the Only thing that gets rid of my migraines so god forbid i get one of those bc then i Have to sleep regardless of the time of day#anyways! :) that’s enough whining for one vent post. time to go do something productive
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God, this is fucking crazy
So i only have 3 more classes to take, but it'll cost the same to take 3 classes as 4 classes. So I've been thinking about taking a 4th class just for the hell of it. Something fun and/or easy.
Out of curiosity, I looked up orchestras. I was in it in my first year, but I haven't consistently played since 2016. But I still dream about being in an orchestra again. I *miss it*. So I was like. Well, what if *that* was my 4th class next semester? What If?
I looked it up. This week is the last week they're doing auditions for it. There was only one more spot free after today. And that's *tomorrow evening*.
I haven't really played my violin much in YEARS. I'm so out of practice. But apparently they don't reject anyone outright. Auditions are just for placement. So worst case scenario, I get placed in an orchestra at a lower skill level than I was at my prime. It'd still be an orchestra.
It's crazy short notice, but I don't think I'd forgive myself if I passed it up. Bc I have just one more semester before I graduate. One last opportunity to be in a school orchestra. And if I didn't do this, I'd be left with that What If forever.
So. Crazy short notice, but I have a violin audition tomorrow!!! Hahahaha
#speculation nation#im literally shaking with nerves rn but i want this so so so badly#i remember. how to play. my arms are just so much stiffer than they used to be. and my nails. man im gonna have to trim my fucking nails#at least my left hand. kinda sucks bc i like the polish i have on rn but u cant have any long nail at all for violin.#i need to play two scales of my choosing. ascending and descending in three octaves.#recommended for violin is A C or E-flat major. of course i know A and C but i'd have to look up E-flat. never did much with flats in school#then again i have that One Two Three and a Half rhythm Down. thats how id often warm myself up.#start with the base G string and just do a scale up and down (one octave). go up to the next note. do it again.#again and again until i started running out of room on the E string. & if i was Real motivated maybe id start shifting to continue.#so all id need to do is find the E flat and id be good. it all follows the same pattern.#the harder challenge will be the solo or etude. 2-3 minutes in length. only *one day* to prepare.#i have NO IDEA what id even play. i'll look in my old sheet music to see if theres anything that might work#simple enough for me to relearn on such short notice. and interesting enough to be played solo#(since i was always in orchestras it's not always the best for solo playing. tho i was also first violin section a lot#which is Basically the same as playing solo lmaooo)#if i cant find anything i do have a few sheet music books i could look in. id hate to play smth too simple#but better simple and Right than trying to do something above my current skill level.#which IRKS ME bc once upon a time i was the 4th best violinist in my high school. out of nearly 2k students.#but thats what happens when u go years without consistent practice :p ur arm gets Stiff.#im. still nervous but also thinking about the music is making me EXCITED.#it's going to be a wild time prepping for this thing but itll be over in like 5 mins and i dont even have to worry about Passing#so long as i *do it* i should get into something. i just need to push myself. do it. get out there. *play your violin*#i already cried in a public bathroom for 10 mins today and im feeling emotional Again.#not quite crying emotional tho thankfully. just. i feel like i need to climb onto a rooftop and SCREAM!!!! but like in a good way.#so so so nervous but itll be so so so worth it. i could be in an orchestra again. finally. finally finally finally.#and i STILL NEED TO FINISH THIS ASSIGNMENT.....!!!! hfkahfks today has been. a DAY.#just. keeps going through my head. i could be in an orchestra again. i could be in an orchestra again. at least one more time.
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