#i want a job i want to work so badly why is nobody giving me one

[sojo-gatoru]

GIVE ME A JOB GIVE ME A JOB GIVE ME A JOB GIVE ME A JOOOOOOOOOOB!!!!!

[chaos-in-deepspace]

LNDS: Bongo Butts | 18+

I should be going to bed but I forgot to do laundry so here I am, writing more content that nobody asked for. Just like motorboating them...when I see them butts. Just. WHAM BAM. Thanks for coming to my TED talk. Also hope you know I had to research different types of dump trucks for this fic.

Disclaimer: This is an original fan work for “Love and Deepspace”. Do not repost on other platforms or plagiarize. All characters shown in this fic is 18+. Warnings: Ass Slapping, Crack Fic, Playing their asses like they're bongos, Zayne's lost sanity, Rafayel is scandalized as per usual, you mentally scar Raf, Xavier is confused as per usual, but is he confused?, he does get you back tho

Blog Information | Masterlist

Xavier

Xavier really did need to be more careful around you. He was the one who wanted you to date him first, in your defense. He chose you. And you wouldn't let a single day go by that you didn't prove why that was a horrible decision on his end. At the very least, he could claim that he was never bored with you around.

Today was supposed to be a lazy day. You two had off from all missions and were relaxing around the apartment since it was too damn hot to actually go outside. It also happened to be laundry day for Xavier, so he was dressed in his workout attire while his uniforms were being deep cleaned from all the dirt that accumulated on them during his missions.

Those shorts. They were so damn short. You'd even call it slutty because hot damn. His ass was just right there. It was staring at you. Hypnotizing you like it was a snake charmer. Your hands were already twitching in a grabby motion as you stared directly at those perfectly rounded globes on his backside. His beautiful bubble butt.

Xavier could feel your stare burning into him as he looked over his shoulder. He was just sun bathing by the window, laying on his stomach. So vulnerable to your upcoming attack.

"Something you need?" Damn, he already sounded suspicious. It might've been by how you were practically drooling with your hands up, ready to grab at him. It was a slight give away. He should've been more prepared though, because you lunged at him in that moment.

He only had time to turn slightly when you pushed him back on his stomach, sitting on his back to pin him down. Your hands took a fistful of his ass before you began hitting them with little force. Just watching them jiggle with every little slap of your hands.

You were cackling like a maniac as you continued your assault until he managed to maneuver you off of him. You were laughing, your cheeks flushed as you almost teared up. His entire face was red as he stared at you in horror. Then you saw a flash in his eyes and you knew you were done for.

He grabbed you, pulling you onto his lap. Then you felt a harsh slap at your ass, making you squeal. It was so much rougher than you had hit him. He stared at your back side and did it again.

"I can see why you found this so entertaining. I think I'll play with this for now."

"Unhand me you creatine!"

"I think not, if I let you go, who knows what else you'll do to me."

Zayne

Anyone who has ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on Akso's best Cardiac Surgeon knew that one thing was a pure fact. He had an ass. His doctor's coat did a good job concealing it, but he couldn't wear it all the time. You had even noticed a few nurses who would glance down at him when he passed them in the hallway.

It was something you knew very well about Zayne, and something the man seemed oblivious to. The man didn't just have a dump truck as a rear end, it was a dump trailer. That shit could keep a family fed for an entire year. It was so perfect in every way. You could grab onto one cheek with both hands and you still wouldn't be able to capture the entire thing.

Yet for some reason, Zayne had no idea just how badly you needed his ass. You would often times find yourself staring at it when you hung out, had an appointment, or were just lounging at the apartments. It plagued your thoughts. You were losing sleep over this. It wasn't good for your health.

"Zayne..." You said as you relaxed on the couch next to him. You two were catching up on a TV show that you started well over a month ago but hadn't had time to really enjoy it.

"Yes, did you need something?" Oh how sweet he was, always looking out for you.

"Yes actually...can you lay down on your stomach for me? I wanna do something." You said, knowing that this man would do just about anything you asked. He eyed you for a moment, contemplating if he wanted to play this game with you.

"Might I inquire as to why?"

"That's for me to know, and you to find out."

Zayne took one more moment before giving in. He adjusted his position, laying down on his stomach just as you had asked. You decided to be subtle, leaning over his form and placing your hands on his shoulders at first. You gently caressed the skin there, massaging the muscles through his shirt as you slowly made your way down to the small of his back.

There it was. The prize. The holy grail of all asses. It was ripe for the taking as you looked over to see Zayne's closed eyes as he relaxed under your touch. You didn't hesitate. Your hands slapping down on his ass and grabbing it roughly.

His eyes shot open as he looked over at you. You licked your lips as you began gently slapping the flesh, watching the bounce as though it were made of jelly. It was a sight to behold and you couldn't help yourself. You had seconds before Zayne reacted and pulled your grubby little hands off him.

So you leaned your head in and bit down. His pants managed to cushion him from the force of your bite, but he sure as hell felt it. He sat up and grabbed you under the arms like a cat, stopping you in your tracks as you stared at him.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Playing with your nice ass."

"My butt is not a play thing."

You paused for a moment, eyes trailing down to the front of his pants, "If you aren't gonna let me slap your ass, can I play with your dick like it's a Bop-It?"

You watched Zayne go through five stages of grief. He sighed as he grabbed a blanket next to him, wrapping your entire body like a burrito so your limbs were no longer effective. He then sat back down on the couch with his legs open and placed you between, holding you tightly to his chest.

"I'm begging you, please be quiet for once and let's finish this show."

Rafayel

He should've known you were up to something if your gaze was anything to go off of. You had zeroed in on him the moment you had come over. Even during your little date as you two explored Linkon together, he knew something was up. Your not so subtle glances in his direction couldn't be considered innocent.

If only he knew why you were staring so hardcore. He had gotten a new pair of pants, or at least you assumed they were new. You were pretty sure you'd remember them with how good he looked at the moment. It was tight on him, accentuating his ass perfectly. You were pretty sure if you riled him it would also perfectly outline another aspect of him.

Still, you had a mission. Rafayel didn't know it yet, but the moment you had caught a glimpse of him this morning, you knew what had to be done. His muffins needed to be squished. His plump little cushions had to be properly admired and worshipped. You would be the one to happily give them the attention they deserved. An ass sculpted by the gods themselves were staring at you literally all day.

You closed the door to his home slowly, turning over to him. He was already heading to the living room. You slowly stalked behind him, and he could feel you were up to no good.

"Something caught your interest? I know I look good, but not even you normally stare at me this much."

"I just think you look particularly handsome today is all." As does his ass. You couldn't say that yet though, he would realize what your plans were if you verbalized it too early. Like a cat stalking a mouse, you followed him until he was in the living room. The moment he was by the couch you took action.

You rushed behind him and pressed down on the small of his back, making him stumble forward. He grabbed the edge of the couch, his body hunched over. Rafayel turned just in time to watch you drop down to your knees. Then he felt your hands harshly gripping his ass. Then the quick slaps in succession followed as you began laughing maniacally.

"Finally!" You said as you grabbed at them again. Rafayel finally reacted, rolling onto the couch to get away from your hands. You were practically panting as your hands twitched, "Come on Raf, lemme just squeeze em again."

"You are a psychopath." He said, hiding his ass from your view.

"I'm your psychopath though." Despite how horrified Rafayel looked, he was also amused by your antics. He grabbed at your arm, making you fall forward and your chest pressing against his own. His hands went to grab at your ass this time, squeezing them and laughing.

"You know, I think I'm seeing the appeal of this." He commented, his hands lazily hitting your ass cheeks like you had to him, although he was far more calm about it.

"See, it's amazing...now can I go back to playing with your butt? I wasn't done yet."

"I think not...although this has given me an idea. Do you mind if I paint your backside?"

"You wanna paint on my ass?"

"Perhaps."

"...I'll agree if you let me eat your-" Rafayel had never cut you off so quickly.

"Never mind."

The most accurate representation of what we're doing to these poor men. I will not be silenced. Their asses need to be slapped. And ate

[vscabarca]

hii could you write about gavi where he falls for the social media manager (owner) of the barcelona insta page and she likes to post a lot about gavi where she kinda crushes on him and he notices and messages the barca acc abt it and asks for her main account since he is interested and likes to see what she looks like after seeing her he immediately falls for her

social media manager - pablo gavi

summary: gavi wants to know who‘s the new admin of the official Fc Barcelona Instagram account after the admin lowkey crushes over him. here is p2!

genre: fluff

a/n: sorry anon for waiting so long…😔 hope you like it still!!

———

„Our social media manager is all over our golden boy here!“ Out of all people, it just had to be Ferran saying that. Even though Gavi wasn’t the youngest in the team anymore, they still treated him like their little brother. Besides aggressive hugs, soft kicks to his butt and playful banter against him, Gavi was more and more teased for his frequent appearance on the official Instagram page of the club.

Nobody really knew who managed the account, the players only knew Sarah took the pictures but didn’t edit or post them.

„Stop, it’s not that serious, I‘m just the fan favorite.“ Gavi countered, knowing how to handle their stupid jokes and did no longer erupt into the angry bird he was known for.

But lately it gnawed on him. It was true, he appeared more and more on their Instagram page after the club announced a change in their social media department, and it almost seemed like there were new faces behind it.

15 october

fcbarcelona: Gavi shoots Spain to the 2024 Euros!🥳 felicitationes Gavi and sefutbol!!

14 february

fcbarcelona: besitos for people who celebrate valentines day!💓💌🎀 ps Gavi i‘m single… xoxo-admin

13 may

fcbarcelona: happy gavi in practice? = happy admin😁⚽️

23 may

fcbarcelona: 1-10 how do you like Gavi‘s new haircut? I’d give him a 11🤭

21 june

fcbarcelona: when Gavi hears you haven’t bought a match ticket for the pre-season tour yet… (don’t worry Gavito I bought one😇) xoxo-admin

27 july

fcbarcelona: Gavi is ready for pre-season in the US, are you?😍 Get your tickets here! www.fcbarcelonatickets.com

The posts these past half year earned much more publicity due to your unhinged and funny captions. People loved this side, a more humerous and silly atmosphere than your rivals.

You were not even twenty, stumbling across this job by chance as you scrolled through various job descriptions.

You always loved the football club, so this was your opportunity to start a career in that sport.

Did you have a little crush on Barça‘s number six? Yes, but to defend yourself, as said before, people loved it. It also felt great knowing no one knew who was behind the account, only your friends and co-workers knew.

It was a sunny day in Barcelona, you were about to work on some posts for the US Tour when Sarah stumbled inside your office.

„You won’t believe this.“ She beamed, shaking her head in disbelief. You noticed her phone in her hands with Instagram open on her screen.

„What, did Messi finally reply to your DM‘s?“ You joked, knowing Sarah was obsessed with the Argentine and used every opportunity to text him.

„No then I wouldn’t walk in so casually, but someone did text me… about you.“ You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion at her last words, not understanding why anyone would text your work colleague about you.

„Huh? What do you mean? Why would they text you about me?“ You questioned while Sarah just sat there with a grin on her face.

„Because he wants to know who runs the FC Barcelona Instagram account.“

Huh? You were even more confused now. Why would anyone want to know who posted these hilarious and often badly edited photos?

„Who?“

„Gavi.“

You almost had an heart attack hearing his name.

„Pablo Gavi texted you about me? Omg is he angry with what I‘ve been posting? Or doesn’t he like how-”

Sarah interrupted your stream of words, telling you to relax while she laughed at your reaction.

„Quite the opposite! Let me show you.“ She scooted closer, handing over her phone.

pablogavi

Hi sarah, its gavi from the team😁 I was wondering who’s behind all these funny posts about me on our page on Instagram? Could you tell me who makes these posts? thanks!

„Oh my god, you didn’t tell him it’s me, right?“ You were blushing once you read his message, feeling extremely embarrassed about the whole situation.

„Of course I did, I gave him your private Instagram.“ Sarah said as if it was the most normal thing to do.

Your eyes went wide, immediately slapping your hand over your mouth once you realized Gavi knew who has been thirsting over him these last months.

Before you could scold her and go crazy, Sarah excused herself, saying her break was long over.

„Oops, well Y/n my break is over. See you soon and have fun with Gavi!“ She winked.

„You‘re dead I swear!“ You shouted after her with a laugh, still not believing she did what she did. Now you were even too scared to look at your phone until work was over.

———

Gavi sent that message right before a morning session, hoping he‘d get an answer once Flick would release them for lunch. Logically, it had to be a girl. Of course it could also be a guy, which would be no problem at all, but imagining it being a girl around his age made everything more exciting.

What would he even do once he knew who you were? He couldn’t just follow your with his normal account, he basically had to do it with his private one. These thoughts got quickly out of his head once he was hit by a football. His friends made fun of him for being absent and he even felt embarrassed, even though none of them knew what he was thinking about.

After practice, waiting for everyone to leave the locker room, Gavi looked at his DM‘s seeing Sarah had already answered him.

He immediately clicked on the @, seeing your private account pop up.

He could only see your profile picture, but he felt like he was hit by cupids arrow immediately after he looked at you.

You looked beautiful, hair flowing freely and a cute smile covering your face as you took the selfie.

Just when Gavi thought he was alone for once, Pedri realized he forgot his phone and went back to the locker room. He had never seen his friend so scared, Gavi even dropped his phone to the ground. After Pedri first laughed at his reaction, he picked the phone up for his friend, only to see a cute girl across his phone screen.

„Who is this?!“ Pedri said teasingly. He knew Gavi wasn’t keen on talking about girls with his friends, that’s something he‘d rather kept to himself.

„Swear on god to not tell Fermin or Ferran, otherwise the whole team knows within ten minutes.“ Gavi scolded, pointing his finger at him. He knew there was no point in hiding it from Pedri, maybe he could help him out.

Pedri innocently put his hands up, saying he wouldn’t tell anyone.

„She’s Barça‘s Instagram admin. I thought the posts about me were funny but I wanted to know who the person was behind. Sarah gave me her @, and that’s her who you’re looking at.“ Gavi explained simply, waiting for an answer.

„She’s pretty.“ Pedri only said, agreeing with Gavi.

„She is. What should I do?“

„What do you wanna do?“ His friend countered. He wanted to know what Gavi‘s intentions were before he said something.

„Well at first I was just curious who the person is, but now I think I have a crush on her after looking at that picture.“ Pedri next to him snorted at first, but once he realized he was serious, he said what every friend would say.

„Text her. Tell her you think her posts are funny, then ask her out.“

„Isn’t that a bit weak to just text her? Aren’t girls more impressed when the guy comes up to her in person?“ Gavi asked. He had a point, but you would like anything he does if we’re honest…

„I mean she does work here too… you can always go to her office and talk to her.“ Pedri suggested, even though he was surprised that Gavi would even do such a thing for a girl.

The following day after afternoon practice, Gavi still thought about you and decided to come by your office, hoping you’d still be here.

He softly knocked at the door, peeking inside to see you look up from your laptop. Surprised was an understatement, you were shocked to say the least.

„You must be Y/n right?“ Gavi asked, stepping inside a bit before you invited him over to you.

„Yeah! Come in, can I help you with something?“ You said, trying to be as professional as possible even though you were trembling on the inside once Gavi stood in front of you.

„You’re Barça‘s social media admin right?“ He said with a small smile on his face.

„I am, Sarah told me you‘ve been looking for me. I‘m sorry if I offended you in any way-” You were cut off by Gavi, telling you he loved your posts.

„No, no don’t worry, me and my friends love them, we always have a good laugh.“ Gavi assured you, taking a seat on the stool opposite your desk.

„Then I‘m glad. Don’t worry I‘m not crazy or anything but the people like my work. Not that you think I‘m some kind of weird fan girl.“ He had to laugh at your words, his head falling back while you joined in laughing.

„No, I get it, it’s good for Barça‘s marketing.“ He joined in with the jokes, creating a great atmosphere between you two.

„Was there a specific reason you wanted to know who the admin was?“ You asked genuinely curious after you just shared a good laugh.

„Well, my friends and I always joked about your posts about me and I was just wondering who was behind it. And once Sarah gave me your personal Instagram account I realized you are a very pretty girl, so I decided to pay you a visit.“ Gavi‘s cheeks grew red at his little confession, but he soon was more confident once he saw how flustered you got.

„That’s very sweet of you, thank you.“ You answered with a smile, having to break the eye contact out of nerves. The guy half of Spain adored just called you pretty. Huh?!

„And I was wondering if you’d like to go out with me sometime? Maybe eat dinner or something like that.“ Gavi asked, fidgeting with his shirt. You immediately started beaming, feeling your cheeks heat up.

„I‘d love to go out with you, yes.“ You said, smiling softly as you saw him grin too.

„Great, I‘ll text you. Is Friday at seven good? I can pick you up.“ He got up from his seat, making you get up too.

„That’s perfect, see you on Friday.“ You accompanied him to the door, leaning on the doorframe seeing him turn around to give you a gentle hug.

„See you on Friday hermosa.“

[fulloffencekurooishotterthanyou]

Grocery Shopping.

Ft. Suna Rintarō

Notes: NSFW minors dni, fingering, car sex, afab reader, fluff at beginning, swearing, pet names

“rin,” you groan, as the crooked wheel of the trolley jams into the back of your heel for the millionth time. “drive the goddamn trolley straight, please.”

there’s a laugh. husky and low, belonging to the man you call your own.

“but, love,” he whines, that familiar drawl in his nonchalant tone as he pushes the trolley a little so you’re walking side by side. “it’s not my fault it’s wonky. you should take that up with someone who works here,”

you can’t help but roll your eyes at his teasing tone and instead decide to aim your focus at the apples that are cheaper than usual. the shine of the skin “a-peeling” as suna comments behind you.

you usually shop together, late at night like this when he doesn’t have training. it’s probably the only time when you’re not drowned in work or your boyfriend is building up his thighs like a god at the gym.

“doll, what else was on the list?” your lover’s voice is serious, as he stares at the aisle numbers in concentration. “why am i thinking of butter? did we even need butter?” your laugh resounds in his ear, as you explain it was bread, not butter. “ohhh, bread. gotcha. be back in a second.” he shoots you an award winning smile, before pushing the trolley to the bread aisle, almost looking too elated to be here with you at the supermarket.

“what’s gotten into him?” you mumble to yourself as you pick up other items on the mental list you made. when ten minutes have passed, and no rintarō has appeared for a suspicious amount of time, you walk down briskly, scanning each aisle.

“rin?” you call, scanning through every area, like a lookout team.

“darling, over here!” an excited voice rings out and you stop in your tracks, walking down the dangerously alluring sweets aisle.

“what are you doing?” you ask with a laugh, seeing wide and excited eyes gracing your boyfriend’s features.

“they have chūpets in stock!” his hands can’t seem to move any faster, as he looks through the different flavours.

“i’ve never seen you more excited, truly,” you say teasingly, as he gives you a pointed look.

“i get excited about plenty of things, hun. i’ve got no idea what you’re saying,”

“yeah? and how much are you willing to bet chūpets are better than sex?” you dare ask, wondering what his reply will be. there’s a beat of silence.

“fuck. that’s a hard question.” he replies, his face grim with indecisiveness. you laugh, playfully hitting his arm.

“you actually have to think about it?” i ask, as he places three packets of chūpets into the trolley. the two of you head to the self check out, scanning your items.

“i mean, both are good. very good,”

“but this is sex i’m talking about. you really believe jelly fruit sticks compare?” your banter is comfortable and flirtatious, as rintarō pushes the trolley to your car. as he unloads the bags, he hums in thought.

“chūpets are gifts from the gods themselves, love. i can’t argue with fact,” his voice clearly pokes fun at you, as he shuts the boot door with a firm hand.

“i’d argue they’re not as satisfying as a good blow job,”

“what? ‘cause of the same sucking motion?” he says, a mischievous glint in his eye.

“suna rintarō!” you cry out, giving him a look of pure unadulterated shock. “you did not just say that!”

he shrugs, but the grin on his face is practically devilish. “did i?” he puts the trolley away with a satisfied look plastered over his features. “why? are you going to prove me wrong, angel?” at this, his voice is lower now; richly suave and so thick with desire, you might as well be bathing in honey.

“you’re a tease. a fucking tease, you know that?”

“mmm, i did, actually.” a gentle hand grasps your hip, as he pulls you in, closing all distance between you.

“we’re in the middle of a car park, rintarō,” you remind him, your lips severely close to his. shit, you want to kiss him so badly.

“it’s almost midnight, doll. nobody’s around to see us,” his lips graze yours, but only for a second. “besides, we gotta test that bet of ours,”

another kiss breaks the surface fleetingly, before you’re dragged into the back seats of the car, the door shutting firmly behind you.

“rin, it’s not more than a fifteen minute drive hom-” you don’t get to finish your sentence as you’re pulled under your boyfriend, his lips crashing against yours.

it takes you a minute to regain your breathing, only to lose it again, his hands in your hair, yours around his neck as he craves for more.

“i want you, darling. right here, right now.”

and you’d be a complete fool to deny him that.

“then take me,” you whisper into his mouth before you’re kissing again, his tongue finding his way into your mouth as his touches grow rougher.

“fuck.” he groans, peppering your neck with kisses as his hands trail down to the buttons of your pants. “let me taste you,” he pleads, untying the string of his sweats. “can i have you, baby? please?”

“yes,” you breathe, watching as his pants and boxers are discarded carelessly, his hands coming back to cup your cheeks. “you can have me, rin,”

he groans, a guttural sound as he lifts your legs over his shoulders in one fluid motion, kissing your inner thighs. “big claim to make, angel. i’m gonna make you feel so fucking good,”

his mouth seems to second that statement, as you whimper from the touch of his lips near your entrance. his tongue comes next, a sword against your shield, digging his way through to you with a muffled moan. “you taste so good, doll. always taste so good for me, don’t you?”

“fuck, rin!” you cry out, as a pale, slim finger penetrates your folds. “oh god, oh fuck-” you choke out, babbling mindlessly as his fingers are practically sucked in and out of your hole.

“not even the real thing yet, baby. already so responsive,” he hums, thrusting another finger inside. your moans only compel him to insert another, his movements gradually getting faster and rougher.

“i want you, rin,” you plead. “just give it to me already. stop teasing me,”

“sweetheart, i haven’t done anything of the kind,” he smiles, pulling out his wet fingers, licking them as he watches you. “but since you’re so insistent sex is better than my beloved chūpets, i guess i’ll give you what you want,”

a ragged gasp of air comes out of you as the tip starts to slowly sink in.

“ahh- rin, shit, you’re so- fuck! you’re big,” you ramble, thoughts simply unable to pass through you. rintarō continues his pursuit, delving in deeper, as he thrusts against your walls in an effort to derail you from coherency.

when he bottoms out, your cries are strangled as crescent moons crease his t-shirt, your grip on him, unrelenting.

“fuck, hun, you’re tight,” he hisses, his base reaching your skin as he begins to move, hard and fast. rintarō’s hips rock into yours, the wild bucking sensation almost too much as you moan wantonly.

“t-the car is shaking-” you manage to choke out, but it’s like your boyfriend doesn’t hear you, his relentless pursuit of breaking down your walls his only mission.

his cock fills you up so deeply, you can barely move as your pleas for more only seem to invigorate him to pound you harder.

each thrust is like a message, one that tells you that there’s no place either of you would rather be, but with each other. rintarō’s cock remains hard and swollen inside of you, his desperate grunts filling the car.

“release for me, sweetheart,” he murmurs, his tone the personification of velvet. “show me how good i make you feel,” each touch sends you ablaze, your whimpers music to rintarō’s ears as his skin dances over yours.

“r-rin!” you all but scream, the pleasure blinding as his cock slams into your walls, a sign of love as you moan. “i’m gonna… fucking hell, i’m gonna cum,”

“that it’s, darling. cum all over this fat dick for me, yeah?” rintarō smiles as his hard member urges to release. but he waits. suna rintarō can be patient when he wants to.

“close, ‘m close!” you sob, hips held in place by suna’s firm grip. “rin- hnngh~ rintarō!”

there’s a low chuckle from your boyfriend as he hits your g-spot more consistently. “go on. let it all out for me, doll. you know i’m good for it,”

you swear loudly, your voice shaky as you announce your climax again. the coil in your stomach tightens, and then releases all at once. “i’m cumming!” you groan, thighs trembling as rintarō pants from the overexertion.

“fuck, that feels so good. your cum feels so warm on my cock.” he whispers, the words so vulgar it makes you moan a little more. “wait, wait. quiet down for me,” he requests, and you bite your lip to hold your silence.

“you hear that, hun?” suna asks, his cum-soaked cock rubbing against your walls. the motion produces a series of audibly lewd noises, the squelch making you tense up on him, all over again.

you can’t handle it anymore, writhing with pleasure as your lover pulls out, his cock covered with your fluids. “where should i cum, baby? tell me where i should, we wouldn’t want it to go to waste.” his tone is sly, like he wanted this all along. you can barely answer as his seed squirts all over your bare stomach, as he kisses you deeply. you press your lips back hungrily, tongues finding their way to meet each other’s as your shared moans echo in the backseats.

“better than sex?” you choke out now, your back limp against the car seat as you both pant heavily. there is a moment of quiet, aside from the jagged breathing before suna quips.

“yeah, maybe,” your boyfriends winks. “i’m playing with you, doll. sex is always better,”

“i fucking told you so,” you groan as he laughs, the sound resonating in your ear as he tucks a loose strand of hair behind it.

“let’s go home. i’m not finished with you yet.” suna says with a cheeky smile.

“i didn’t think you’d be,” you say sarcastically as he sits you up, cleaning the sticky mess with a tissue.

“what can i say, love? i’m a man with very specific needs,”

you can’t help but laugh. “is that right?”

“only the facts,” he replies, meeting his lips with yours for another kiss. “i love you, darling.”

“i love you too, rin.”

first full smut fic ‼️ i hope this isn’t just a bunch of tomfoolery 😵‍💫

banner credits: @cafekitsune <3

[athinasaurus]

𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡

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@dreamduality it's finally here babe!!

A/N: first time writing about house MD, constructive criticism is welcome ♡ I'm sorry if I wrote him OOC (also not proofread)

Pairing: House x f!stripper!reader smut <3

Wc: 1.7k

Warnings: P in V, titty play, oral both f and m receiving, unprotected sex, creampie, age gap, overstimulation, a bit of dubcon?? other kinks probably

Summary: Being a med student was hard but having student debt was harder. You had to make sure you weren't gonna die with no money to your name. Dancers made a lot, so why not? You thought. Obviously, you weren't making enough as an intern for the Dr. House. It was stressful but you could handle it...until he came up at your work.

You were sure nobody else knew. Not Foreman, not Thirteen, especially not House. So why the fuck was he staring at you with that evil grin?

There was no use running and hiding, he had already spotted your figure working on the pole. Your body moved to the rhythm of the song in the background while the audience showered you with bills. Your face heated up and you tried avoiding his keen eyes until he limped to you, sitting down in front row seats.

Well shit..

"Knew you'd be here. Taub and Thirteen bet you had a secret kid, I'm up another 50" He spoke with confidence. Apparently, it was obvious to him you'd be a whore. You sighed, you knew it was hopeless to get away from him now.

"How'd you find me?" You replied curiously, dragging your hand on the bar while giving the older man a little twirl. You couldn't be more embarrassed but business is business, you weren't going to stop just because of your supervisor. Maybe he'd tell Cuddy or the team but you doubted anything would come out of it, aside from annoying questions.

"The late arrivals, the early departures for one. Second, you're too young to be a mother but old enough to be a whore. Third, you'd walk 'home' even though you live an hour away. So why this job, did your father not love you enough? The preschool teacher touched your no-no square?"

"Sounds like you're projecting," you retorted at the last comment, "Debt is a pain in the ass and I don't want to rely on someone else to pay it off for me." Satisfied with your response, he couldn't be bothered to pester you about this subject for now.

You bent over with the pole between your legs as your hands land on your calves, swaying your ass for whoever was throwing bills behind you. Your tits almost spill out as the distance between you and House decreases. By now, your face is lowered to his level but his eyes rest on your breasts. He glances up, keeping eye contact.

"Sorry, thought your eyes were down there" he spoke sarcastically. You gave him a small smile, he was never really mean to you compared to the others but you could never put your finger on it. Probably just wanted to jump anything with curves. His gaze lingered on you far longer than it should've. You got onto your knees and crawled towards him slowly. Your eyes pierced his as you made your way over, your knees sweeping the platform. The sexual tension was undeniably sharp as your lips hovered over his. It was your turn to tease him. You gave a small smile and your mouth approached his ear.

"So, you've been stalking me? I didn't know you wanted me that badly" you purred. Retracting slowly, you come face to face with him. Lust and mischief clouded your gaze with a smirk plastered on your face.

"If I wanted a whore, I would've paid for one. For a much cheaper price too. You're not worth all these hundred-dollar bills." House mutters, observing the men around who had 'dibs' on you. You made your way back to the beam. Your hair swayed as your leg hooked onto the pole, and your body swirled. His eyes were glued to you as your act advanced. Your grip tightened as you balanced yourself, climbing the pole. The space between your legs widened as you smoothly inverted your position. You glided down, slowly reversing before you landed into a split. Among cheers and woos, your mind focused on the older man's intense stare. You decided to take a break, climbing off the stage to join House. You grabbed the drink from his hand and gulped it down. He avoided your fixation until he suddenly spoke out,

"How much would I have to pay...to have you all to myself?" His tone was sincere, catching you off guard. You had thought about it; he was handsome and you couldn't deny it. You'd be dumb to pass up on the opportunity to live that y/n life.

YOLO I guess!

"I-uh...you don't have to pay, we can go back to your place if you don't mind?" You stammered, your nerves were flooding your brain. You were sure he was sincere but another part of you was worried he was doing this to jerk you around. He studied your demeanor before nodding and making his way toward his motorcycle. You followed quickly behind in your skimpy outfit.

The rugged man adjusted himself onto his bike, patting the seat behind him. You hopped on hesitantly with your hands lightly grabbing House's waist.

He smirked as he adjusted your grip on him, moving your hands lower and tighter on his body.

-

House wasted no time as the door swung open. His hands rested on your hips, pulling you closer to him as he shoved his tongue down your throat. The room filled with groans and whines along with the sloppy sounds you were both making. His mouth practically swallowed yours, insisting on the control he had over you. You withdrew for a second to catch your breath, your gaze met his. Pupils dilated, breathing heavily, heart racing, he couldn't deny you looked amazing like this. You were both panting heavily until someone spoke up.

"Are you sure about this? I am your boss after all." His eyes pierced through yours as his hands rubbed softly at your waist in an attempt to comfort you. The dim light from the room revealed your flustered expression. You gave a coy nod before cupping his jaw to pull him in for a kiss. House groaned as you rolled your hips into his, it didn't take long till he hoisted you into his lap, carrying you to the bedroom.

He dropped you onto the bed and hovered your body as quickly as possible, peppering kisses on your neck. He picked you off your back, his hands eagerly picking at your low-cut attire. His gaze searched yours for confirmation before tearing off your top to reveal your tits.

"Jesus fucking Christ.." He muttered, studying your body as the masterpiece it is. You automatically tried covering your chest with your arms but that backfired when he pulled them behind your back, handling them with a firm grip. His eyes through daggers into yours as he growled,

"Don't hide from me."

A whimper emerged from your throat as you nodded frantically while his hands let go of yours to knead your breasts. You squeaked at the contact until his lips latched onto you, his fingers tweaking your nipples. You couldn't help but moan into his mouth and he took that as a sign to go rougher. His movements became more intense to the point you cried out, begging him to touch you elsewhere. Your panties were soaked and you couldn't take it anymore.

"Please House..I need you inside me" you whined. An evil grin was plastered on his face until he tsked and spoke out.

"Be patient, pretty girl. I'll give you what you want. Just wait a bit, ok?" The older man purred. He let go of your chest and you whined at the loss of contact until he laid on his back with his elbows propping him up slightly.

"Now...you're gonna unbuckle my belt and let me devour you. Got it?"

The demand fueled the heat in your core, dampening your panties within seconds. You did as you were told, your drenched cunt hovered over his lips.

"You're doing so good for me, my pretty little whore. Unzip my pants now, yeah?"

Your hands fidgeted with the zipper until his tongue lapped at your coated slit, murmuring praises into you while you writhed above him. Your moans became louder and your pulse got faster. Your hips bucked against him but he held them down, forcing you to ride his tongue. As his mouth fucked you, you took out his cock from his boxers. His hardened dick leaked with precum and he jerked his hips, House was begging for some contact. You gripped his shaft while your tongue gave his tip kitten licks until your lips connected to it. You took him as much as you could, occasionally gagging when you went too deep. The grip on your hips tightened as your pace on his cock increased. His lips latched onto your clit, sucking on it while his left hand tortured your cunt with 2 digits curled, and his right hand snugly held you in place. You were a moaning mess, the vibrations from your mouth on his dick forced out a groan from him.

"House...I-I can't take it anymore, I'm close..!" You whined desperately, hoping he'd give you permission to come.

"That's it, princess. Come on my tongue." He muttered before you saw stars. You clenched his fingers as you came, coating them even more in your slick. You weakly got off him with your legs shaking slightly. His chin was covered with your juices, House signaled you with a singular hand motion for another kiss. You could taste yourself on his tongue as he fought yours for dominance. His hands snaked around you, pulling you on top of him.

"Wow, I didn't think an old man with a limp could keep up." You teased as your fingers fiddled with the buttons of his shirt. House scoffed at your remark before a mischievous grin appeared. His calloused hands tightened at your hips hovering over his cock until he rammed himself inside you. A yelp immediately left your mouth as your body tried adjusting to his size.

"So fucking tight and wet for me, right sweetheart?" He groaned out, his tone was laced with desperation. You rocked yourself against him, letting out small whines. His hips rocked against yours desperately. Your hands landed on his shoulders to ride him better. The room filled with the sounds of skin slapping and moans, House groaned as you clenched onto him. His hands held you chest to chest, needing to be closer to you. Your moans were driving him insane, he could feel your orgasm reaching as your pace increased. His cock twitched inside you before releasing his seed. Your cunt clenched his cock, milking him dry as you reached your orgasm.

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[sigynsilica]

Conservatives be like "tHey'Re tRyiNg tO dEcOnStrUcT tHe fAmiLy uNiT"

Yes. Exactly. That is exactly my goal in life.

Then they be like "wElL yOu mUsT wAnT tHe wOrLd tO bE fUlL oF siNgLe pAreNtS"

No

You think it's LESS family I want? You have it backwards. It's MORE.

Let me explain.

One of the most integral parts of humanity is community. Humans are pack animals. We do better in groups, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Everything humans have accomplished, they did via teamwork.

This is a leading reason why I'm a socialist, because Capitalism is, by definition, the advancement of the individual over the collective. That's a concept that goes against human nature. Capitalism gives credit to one person for what a team of people did, and allows that one person to decide for themself what portions of the benefits of creating something goes to who. This despite the fact that the creation would not and could not be possible without the whole team of people. Even if one person creates one thing, they could not do it without materials harvested or tools invented or concepts thought of by someone else. Somewhere down the line, someone was pushing the buttons.

It's a very isolationist way of thinking, to claim that a CEO deserves more money for producing a product than the assembly line workers who actually made the thing.

This mindset has then been projected onto basically every single aspect of American life. (I can't speak for other countries because I've never been anywhere else)

People are their own human, and that means they can't ask for help. Collaboration is a myth, and the credit for anything really only goes to the head of the endeavor.

Enter the nuclear family.

One mom, one dad, and an assortment of children. The mom stays home and raises the kiddos and cleans the house and makes sure everyone has clean underwear and also finds time for sanity somewhere, while the dad works his butt off at a crappy corporate hellhole of a job. Add in some fundamental Christianity, because America Is A Christian Nation apparently, and you have pressure to homeschool. This only further enforces the isolation, the individual, the Doing Everything By Yourself as the only way to go.

This is why so many conservatives and fundamentalists like the Duggars so much. Think of it! Twenty homeschooled fundamentalist Baptist children, all raised to believe in God, while the dad does Politics and Mission Stuff at the church and the mom homeschools All of them.

And of course you have friends, right? But woe upon thee if your house isn't spick-and-span or the children are being disruptive when they come over. They can't see your mess. They can't see your imperfections. Nobody actually goes to their neighbors to ask for a cup of sugar. You should buy your own sugar. Jeez.

In this mindset and mentality, if your children are "unruly", that reflects badly on you as a parent. Your children are seen as an extension of yourself, and if you don't have everything in your life put together, you're getting judged by randos in the grocery store, now. If both parents need to work, just send your kid to the local daycare. What's that? You can't afford daycare? Hire a babysitter. What's that? You can't afford a babysitter? Hm. More judgement. Get the kid's granny to watch them or something.

So here's the facts. The more adults a child has in their life who show them support and are a safe environment for the child, the more the child will be likely to succeed in their adult life.

And by that definition, yes. I want to destroy the family unit. I want it gone.

The notion that if the two people who were directly responsible for the child's existence can't adequately provide for their child, that's it's a moral failing on their part? That's bullshit. I want it gone. If you need help raising a child, so does everyone else, and it should be socially okay to reach out to a trusted member of your community for help. It should also be socially okay for someone who you trust to want to care for a child with no financial compensation. Children are delightful.

Taking care of a child is hard work. Someone has to be on call 100% of the time for at least the first ten years of that kid's life.

Of course, in making the decision to have children, a parent should consider their capability of caring for the kid. But it shouldn't be their capability of caring for a kid ALONE. No one should have to raise a child alone.

Every parent should have a full support system to fall back on. Every person, let alone parent, should have a community of people who would be willing to help care for other people in their community, especially vulnerable people in that community, like children.

This is what I mean when I say I do want to destroy the family unit. I don't want any child to have to grow up in an environment where the only people who feel responsible for their safety are their parents.

Of course parents are responsible for a kid's safety, more than any other people on the planet, because the parents were the ones who chose to bring the kid into the world.

But they are not the only ones. They should not be alone. There should be no more talk of "well, your parents ought to teach you how to behave," because children learn from everything and everyone around them. You can't stop that. Not even if you try.

The thing is, parents should not, and cannot be the ultimate authority on life for their kids. My parents tried, while simultaneously insisting they weren't perfect, but if you grow up thinking only two people who are Biblically one person are the only ones who are right about things, you're going to have a lot of unlearning to do, no matter who those people are.

Humans, all of us, have a responsibility to look out for each other. Community is our greatest strength, and it's founded on the principle of all of us in a community having each other's backs.

So no more Two Heterosexual People being an island and a solitary beacon of what a family is supposed to be. A family is a community, and we all look out for each other. We all make sure we're safe and we have what we need to live. And we all teach each other things about how the world is.

[canonically47]

i think the reason change is so scary to us is because we just realized it happens. because our parents and grandparents never told us how different their childhoods were. because only now do we realize the next generation grows differently. because we’ll have had nap time in kindergarten while they wanted to watch youtube. because we’ll have been scarred by FNAF and MLP videos while their brains will have rotted to youtube shorts. we finally see what the internet can be and how it damages our youth from birth and it terrifies us. it terrifies us because they’re not the same as us.

so we hate them. we hate gen alpha. we hate millenials and gen x. we hate everyone. we hate the birds that no longer sing for us in the morning. we hate the teachers that give us homework instead of early recess. we hate our friends who developed earlier than us and started talking about relationships and trends while we’re still stuck in our beds thinking back to when we watched our first matpat video.

so we hate the change. we hate that markiplier and dantdm and jacksepticeye are not a pinacle of gen alpha’s childhood. we hate that they’re younger than us and throwing it away. we hate that we’re all collectively glued to our phones and nobody can do anything about it.

my god, we hate it. we’ll finish high school and college one day. we’ll have to live our lives. how do we find a job? how will we find a house? in this economy, is it even possible? and when we want to create art but it doesn’t pay the bills, how badly will we lash out? how much will we scream at the children to not waste their youth? how much will we hate the seven-year-olds at sephora? we’ll wish to have what they do when they wish to have what we do.

and we’ll never go down a slide again, but neither will they, so it kills us inside. and we’ll never build with blocks again, but neither will they, so it kills us inside. and we’ll always see our differences and blame anyone but ourselves for them.

oh universe, why must we mature? why must we realize it now that our time is limited? why must we work and slave when all we want to do is have fun and create? why is life about pain and not endless joy? why does nobody but ourselves see it? why does nobody talk about it?

oh, universe, you have forsaken me. you have abandoned me. you are cruel and i am cold. i’m rotting now, if you even care.

the change is scary.

[scarlettjohanssons-mistress]

I wouldn't forget a pretty face

Warnings: First Meetings, fluff, fun

Word count: 1.4 K

Pairing: Daphne Kluger x Fem!Reader

Prompt: Daphne wouldn't forget a pretty face. Not even when that pretty face is "nobody"

Requests: OPEN

[Main masterlist] [Ocean's 8 masterlist]

The first time I saw her was even before Debbie called me on the holdup. I had some debts to pay, and dedicating myself only to studying in my university years had left me with zero work experience. So, the only company that had helped me get a job after studying “Fashion Design” was the big Chanel store in Soho, New York.

Daphne was doing some shopping in the area, until a group of paparazzi began to chase her, forcing her to enter a store so that her bodyguards could disperse the press and get her into her truck.

I was arranging the seasonal clothes, trying not to focus my eyes on her figure, but she did look at me, she gave me a smile and I can even listen to a little of her conversation with her team while she walked around the store, trying not to get bored while waiting.

It didn't take long for the truck to pull up in front of the store, and as quickly as that happened, Daphne was gone.

Some time later, Debbie came to me, the mythical (and forgotten) Rose Weil needed a reliable right hand to carry out this theft; and both Lou and Debbie knew how badly she needed that money.

Although I never got to meet Daphne herself in the many times Rose had had to meet with the actress, the next time I saw her, it was at the Met. My good friend Lou needed a confidence booster, and right now, she was grateful for the multiple episodes of Masterchef she'd seen.

By the time I had been given my new diamond bracelet to put in the little bag I carried with me, right at that moment, I was able to relax. I had been under so much stress that I had barely been able to enjoy the big party Tammy had thrown us into.

And there, again, was Daphne. Her eyes collided with mine again, but now, instead of bringing out my kinder side and trying to give her a smile, I quickly looked away from her eyes. Debbie said she wanted to lay low. It sounds silly, Daphne Kluger, a Hollywood star wouldn't remember my face, not when she sees millions of people every day, why would she remember the face of a simple employee who doesn't earn even 3% of what she earned in a single movie?

Time passed again. Now, right at this moment Lou and Debbie were making sure that each part of the jewels were being sold so that they could deposit the corresponding part in each of the eight bank accounts; while that was going on, i had to keep working at the store, i still had to look like a job… and to be honest, i worked so hard at this damn store, all i ask in return is a decent damn reward.

My boss had asked me to put the makeup and perfume products behind the counter, so I did, putting all my attention on the task, which caused me not to notice that someone had arrived at the store; more specifically, that someone had stood in front of me.

"I knew I had seen you"

My head that was inside the showcase could only see a flat stomach covered in a fine brown cloth; Quickly my eyes looked up only to meet Daphne's face.

I tried to get up quickly until my head hit the glass. Forgetting that my head was still inside the glass case.

She just let out a small smile that she hid behind her hand, but despite that, I could notice flashes of concern.

"What?"

Ask, now with your head out of the glass space.

"It's you, isn't it?, the one who wore that sexy dress at the MET"

"I… I'm sorry…?"

"Of course you were there! I wouldn't forget a face as pretty as yours." I could feel the heat and redness rising up my neck and settling on my cheeks, causing Daphne's brown eyes to take on a different glow. You know, the party where I supposedly dropped the famous necklace…”

“ 'Supposedly'? What do you mean 'supposedly'?”

“It turns out that… the necklace found was fake; the actual necklace hasn't turned up, so a private investigator is helping to find it.” Damn. Debbie promised that it was almost impossible to use an investigator for this. Damn "The investigator has as a major suspect a certain Debbie Ocean… and he told me that even though she has a perfect alibi, he still maintains her as the main suspect" I felt the muscles in my neck and shoulders tense, it even felt like a metal ball was falling. It will start to form in my esophagus and try to go down. "I guess you don't have anything to do with that Debbie girl, do you, sweetie?" just as I was about to open my mouth to answer her question, she spoke again "wait, isn't that the blonde you shared a few drinks with at the party?"

She raised her eyebrows, putting my body between a rock and a hard place; because, not only was she one of the most beautiful women in the world, I now realized, she was one of the most intelligent women in the world. She already knew it, and I couldn't hide it

"Good morning Miss Kluger, can we help you with something?"

My boss had come to our place, screaming with her eyes to get back to work

"Yes, I would like to buy the blouse that your employee models" Both pairs of eyes fell on my blouse "And if it comes with the model, it would be a thousand times better"

She winked again, causing the blush to intensify on my cheeks.

———————————————————————————

The sound that the doors made when opening made us all stop doing our activities, only to pay attention to the beautiful actress who had just entered Lou's place.

"You guys are FUCKED"

She spoke while walking towards us, sitting in the chair that was in front of me.

"Sorry?" Tammy asked. "How did you get here?"

"We invite her" Lou spoke

they were all silent

“Chilly,” Daphne remarked at the glances given by the rest of the group, “what about, 'Hi Daph, welcome to the team. Let's not all high five at once.'”

“Discovered Y/N” was Debbie's turn

"What?!" they all shouted

“Y/N…how did you let her find you out?”

"I…"

"She didn't do anything," Daphne defended me. “I'm just not the typical dumb Hollywood actress”

“Miss Kluger, here, figured out the move from the start; only that its common thread was Y/N”

"Of course, not to mention that discreet is not a word I would use to describe them."

They all remained silent, looking at each other trying to understand the situation, while bitch Constance the time out to see the cards of the others. Damn cheating bitch.

"Not to mention that the private investigator is about to check each one of you asses"

"Investigator?" asked Rose scared

"That was not in the plan" Amita spoke

“That's why Miss Kluger is here. She herself offered to help us."

"Why would you help a group of criminals?" question Tammy

“Are you an only child?” I asked causing giggles

"Well, I don't have many friends, and book clubs are stupidly boring."

"So… you decided to help criminals because you don't have any friends?"

"Yep, she is definitely an only child" spoke Eight Ball

"Okay, ladies, with this done, I think we can continue" Lou spoke.

Of course, I knew Lou very well, and I knew that she considered herself the queen of the UNO, so, I wanted to embarrass ourselves.

Lou, Eight Ball, Constance and I played UNO, while Debbie and Tammy talked in the kitchen, serving up a few slices of pizza, just as Amita and Rose talked about some designers, leaving Daphne alone.

Knowing that having Lou, a master of the game and a cheating bitch like Constance; I put the game down and got up, walking to the front to return to sit next to Daphne.

"Hello" I greeted as I raised my hand, squeezing hers in a warm squeeze "I'm Y/N"

"Wow, I'm glad to name a pretty face like yours."

How was it so easy for her to make me blush?

"Well, I'm glad to put a cute personality on a not-so-simple, pretty face."

It was her turn to blush

——————————————————————————— 

Lou dropped her game a bit and stood up next to Debbie and Tammy, putting an arm around Debbie's shoulders.

"Okay, how much do you bet those two are going to end up dating?" with her chin she pointed to the figure of Y/N and Daphne, who were getting closer and closer

“Dating?, I bet my life Y/N is already planning their wedding,” Tammy teased.

"She even knows where her honeymoon is going to be," Debbie continued, giving Lou a kiss on the cheek.

Note:

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[mins-fins]

☆ 1 killing my boss challenge!

❝ day 1289 of work, trying

my best not to quit.. ❞

⌗ NOTE 𓈒 𓈒 𓈒 welcome to chapter one ☺️!! now this definitely might be a little underwhelming for a first chapter but tbh im just so excited for this i love nct dream in a silly sitcom style fic (poor reader is suffering i am so sorry) but anyway love you all it is currently midnight so goodbye

⌗ WORD COUNT 𓈒 𓈒 𓈒 1.1k

⌗ MASTERLIST | NEXT

YOU SHOULDN'T GO TO WORK TODAY.

you really shouldn't, you don't want to. you can practically hear the sound of your managers piercing screams before you even step out of the house, and you swear it makes you shiver. you don't even have to look into the other room to know that renjun already left, these days, he usually gets up and leaves the house earlier than you do, but he never forgets to leave a note to tell you.

when you walk into the kitchen, the first thing you notice is a sticky note on the cabinet. you can immediately recognize renjun's handwriting, and you simply smile immediately upon seeing the note.

left early again.. sorry mark needed me for something :( see you later i love you!! — renjun♡

you let out the slightest giggle, rubbing your hands over your face before sighing. you place your hands onto the counter, and stare at the digital clock before you. you've never been late to work, even with how late you leave the house, and as you in stare at the time, going from 7:32 to 7:33 am, you almost consider staying home and being lazy.

you want to be lazy.

you want so badly to be lazy.

you do not want to go to work.

but who else is going to pay all your expenses if it isn't you?

so you roll your eyes and suck it up, grabbing your stuff and walking out of your shared dorm.

it's a saturday! a saturday and i'm fucking working!

you twirl your keys around your fingers and whistle a song to yourself. another day, another inclusion of grueling hours of yelling and trying to stop your coworkers from getting themselves fired added to your week. you wish you could stay home for a day, but without you, the workplace really doesn't function correctly.

and that's not just you saying that! mark has told you that on the several occasions where you got the seven of your crazy coworkers out of trouble.

and do you constantly risk your job to make sure that the idiots you work with do not lose their jobs? yes, but can you help it? no.

at this point, your surprised how you haven't lost your job with how many times you take the fall for your coworkers.

when you arrive at the store, you sigh, you almost consider turning around and walking all the way home, because you feel like if you step into the store and clock in you are genuinely going to punch the first customer that yells at you.

but, you have a job to do, and you have money to make.

you can practically hear the complaints from your mother as you step in. why do you even work there? you could find so many better jobs!

yeah well nobody else is hiring!

you'd rather stay here than take the risk of quitting and not being able to find a new job.

"you're late!" donghyuck yells at you as you walk through the door. he smirks as your face falls, you just walked in and you already wanna walk straight out, amazing!

"i'm ten minutes early" you state, gritting your teeth, he stares at you for a moment before rolling his eyes. "if anyone is gonna be late it's jaemin.." you mumble, immediately clocking in as you stand beside him.

donghyuck once again chuckles at you, a shit-eating grin coming to his face as he thinks about a stupid joke he told yesterday. "oh, by the way, yoon wanted me to give this to you".

you raise an eyebrow, confused, but donghyuck just gives you a post-it note with your boss' handwriting on it.

i'm out for an emergency today, so you are in charge, make sure to keep everything in check y/n - yoon jaeho.

you reread the thing at least four times before sighing and placing your head down onto the counter, already regretting coming into work. donghyuck looks over your shoulder to read the sticky note, and immediately bursts into a loud fit of laughter. "holy shit he left you in charge!?"

you want to scream and cry, seriously.

"well good luck y/n, break a leg!" donghyuck pats your back aggressively, hitting it more than patting it.

"don't hit me lee donghyuck".

the stern tone you give him makes him roll his eyes once again, and you flick him in the forehead before walking past him towards the staff room. when he walks through the door, he's met with a specific smiling individual.

"hi y/n!"

"good morning".

renjun gives a smile to you, mark waves, and jeno looks surprised that you even showed up. "i thought you would've stayed home.." he mutters.

you furrow your eyebrows. "why that?"

"you took like fifty exams yesterday" mark says with an exaggerated tone, you barely stifle your laugh, and end up letting out a displeasing sounding snicker. "i genuinely thought you would've overslept".

"oh believe me, i tried to oversleep, i failed".

at the words, jeno laughs, covering his mouth with his hand, renjun just sighs, shaking his head. you scan the room, then stop, because there are people missing.

"where are chenle and jisung?" you inquire, now those two aren't the most reliable people out of all eight of you, but they usually clock in not long after you, sometimes even before you, so them not being here despite the fact that they have to be is.. strange.

"oh, apparently they're coming with jaemin today" jeno responds.

you blink, as if trying to process the very words that jeno just told you. was he serious? "what?"

"yep" renjun nods, chewing obnoxiously loud as he ignores mark's continuous poking on his shoulder. "i don't know why either, i think they just got lazy".

you refrain yourself from absolutely going insane and shouting, because you were left in charge, so you have to keep your cool and stay calm. you sigh and punch the bridge of your nose. "okay yeah um, whatever i'll just talk to them when they get her—"

"y/n!"

you jump as donghyuck peaks into the room, smiling at everyone before deadpanning at you. "um we have an issue with a customer that somehow doesn't understand the layout of the place".

you blink. "what?"

"yeah apparently she needs a verbal instruction on how to navigate the place and your the only person that knows the place like the back of your hand, so..." donghyuck waves to jeno, then looks back to you with that signature empty state of his as he awaits your response.

"i— alright, yeah i'm coming" you slightly wave him off and look back to the three in the room. "be good" you command, pointing your finger at the three of them, as if accusingly.

"aye aye captain" mark replies, saluting to you. you chuckle before yelping as you get pulled out of the room by donghyuck.

"ow! hyuck my arm!"

oh you had a long day ahead of you.

[cry4vin]

may I request some hc’s for fem ! reader being in a poly relationship with villain ! izuku, katsuki and todoroki <3

Of course!! Sorry this took me a while, it came to me in pieces. But I hope you enjoy!!!!

✧ Katsuki was first.

✧ He had been cleaning up after some of Izuku's men, as he usually did when a job got dirty and nobody else wanted to do anything about it. 

✧ After assessing the situation at hand, he began to make his rounds through the area, making sure there was no unnecessary casualties. They were villains but they had a few morals. While walking down past an alleyway, he heard your weak whimpers and soft cries, he immediately knew you were way different from their current target just by the sounds of your cries. 

✧ It only took Katsuki a few seconds to beat the bastard down when he realized you were being harassed. You’d been pretty shaken up from the guy's actions so Katsuki didn’t blame you for trying to keep your head down when you thanked him, but he did manage to catch a glimpse of your eyes, a glimpse he wouldn’t be able to shake from his mind. 

✧ And he really couldn’t. He tried, he really did, but every time he tried to rid his mind of the thought of you, his pants would tighten up around him. He was only able to take care of the problem when he was alone, but trust me, he was still anything but quiet. 

✧ Then, Izuku finally caught word of the incident.

✧ Izuku wasn’t the type to get caught up in drama going on in the “workplace”, but when one of his men came in badly beaten and swearing up and down he’s quitting, he just needed to know what he did to get fucked up that badly.

✧ Hearing that Katsuki was the one to deal the damage didn’t surprise Izuku, but hearing that it was over a girl definitely caught his attention, so much so that he felt he needed to confront Katsuki himself about this. Yet, Katsuki didn’t give him much to work with, he wanted you for himself too, remember?

✧ Izuku was good at digging around, he knew the city and most of its people like the back of his hand, so it didn’t take long to find you or figure out your daily whereabouts. The issue at hand had been how would he approach you without being creepy?

✧ When he did eventually think up a plan and apologize for the bastards behavior, he asked if you wanted any money as compensation for emotional distress, maybe a few hundred dollar gift cards to your favorite stores, and if not that then maybe his personal credit cards, or roses and chocolate. Seriously, he was so smitten with you at first glance that he told himself if you asked him for all his money at that moment he would have given it to you. 

✧ Not only just his money, or expensive gifts, but his children too. Those few women out there that were lucky enough to know of him would beg and whine for him to give them a chance, proving that they could fit the role of his wife. But a few words exchanged between the two of you secure your spot. He’d become so confident that he would win you over, he wasn’t even worried about the chase anymore, just how quickly he’d put you in a mating press, pushing loads of cum back into you while you begged for him to fuck you more

✧ Shoto was different. 

✧ Anyone who knew Shoto knew it’s not like him to mess with someone else’s relationship, he didn’t care much for relationships anyway, until he had stumbled upon you and Izuku enjoying a private, outdoor dinner. 

✧ Again, he himself knew that he wasn’t the type to get involved with someone else’s partner, but what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him right?

✧ And that is how you found yourself ending every date with Izuku by pretending to leave, only to make a rather large U-turn to Shotos area of the house. 

✧ Now, you also knew that you weren’t the type to cheat. It was an immoral, unexcusable, and unforgivable thing to do. Yet, why did it always feel better getting fucked by your date’s best friend in the same house they share, moaning louder with each footstep that passes by, the excitement building in your system at the thought that it could be Izuku walking by. 

✧ But, you also knew that if Izuku found out you had been cheating on him, he wouldn’t take it lightly. I mean, how could he? He’s known you for barely a week and already confessed his love for you at least once a day. You weren’t ready to see what he was capable of if he were to get hurt by the thought of you and both his friends.

✧ Yes, both of them, because when Shoto doesn’t pull you to his room, the other one does. “The other one” was also the one to claim your virginity. You’d come back with Izuku from the late first date and Katsuki couldn’t resist the temptation he had to talk to you. So when Izuku coincidentally got an alert of another plan gone wrong and had to leave, Katsuki wasted no time building a conversation with you that eventually led you back to his bed.

✧ Juggling the boys wasn’t as much fun anymore, now that having to hide two relationships from Izuku was starting to rid you of your energy. 

✧ Bringing up the idea of an open relationship to Izuku, now there wasn’t much that scared you but mentioning you wanted a relationship with him and his closest friends, that one would have you sleeping with one eye open. But after some convincing, Izuku surprisingly obliged, he was serious about giving you anything you wanted to make you happy, even if that meant having to share you.

✧ Shoto wasn’t bothered much by the change in relationship status. It was basically the same as it had been for him the past week, except now everybody else was acknowledging it.

✧ Convincing Katsuki was another story. A longer one too. Seriously, it took half a month for him to get used to the fact that he had the same girlfriend as his two best friends. Instead of complaining most of the time, he picked up easier jobs that allowed him to be home more, ultimately giving him more alone time with you.

✧ As for how alone time worked for you guys. 

✧ While being polyamorous meant that you were dating all three of them, you still managed to have alone time with each of them every now and then.

✧ Private time with Izuku happened the most, it only made sense since he had been the leader of the group. When you aren’t resting at home or out with a guard shopping for yourself, you’re more than likely sitting nice and pretty on Izuku’s lap during meetings, or on a late night date that ends with the two of you in a honeymoon suite getting drunk and flirty. Izuku was a sweet lover. He’s gentle with your body and is attentive to what you like, and he always begins slow, with both foreplay and penetration. He figures the more he whispers dirty things in your ear and teases your sensitive spots, the wetter you would be for him. 

✧ Even though you’re wet enough to the point where he could just push himself inside you easily, he made sure to enter as slow as possible. There were pro’s and con’s to this though. On the brightside, you could feel every inch, on the not-so-brightside, you felt every inch, and he had a little too many extra inches for you :( 

✧ As we discussed earlier, Katsuki of course is free to be with you almost anytime, and he does take advantage of this. Of course, each of them have their own room, they do share a bed when everyone is home, but not everyone is always home at the same time. So when Izuku was gone on a “work trip” too dangerous for you, or Shoto had been out of town to visit his older brother, Katsuki had you all to himself. 

✧ Your time with Katsuki was always long, since you usually had him for up to a few days at a time, but that didn’t mean he took his time with you. I mean, he used to, but when he found out you liked getting it rough with him, how could he resist? Though he was quick, his stamina and endurance were higher than the other two, meaning you had more rounds with him. Way. More.

✧ There wasn’t a position the two of you haven’t tried, or hole. A favorite position between the two of you was having you bent over anything and everything. Round after round, he would have you cumming on his cock, limping to the next area he felt like fucking you in, and staying still like a good fuckin’ girl while he lined himself up to your entrance. 

✧ Katsuki was rough in the way that he fucked you hard and deep, not thrusting again until he’s sure he’s hit your cervix, and occasionally speeding up when you beg him to. Any bruises or love bites you left with? You begged for it. Any handprints on your ass you left with? You begged for it. Any cum dripping out of your panties? You begged for it. Anything you asked him for, he gave to you, and he sure as hell didn’t disappoint. 

✧ You experimented the most with Shoto. New positions, new toys, new supplements, new tips, name it and you’ve probably tried it. Before Shoto, you weren’t sure you had any kinks, nor were you aware of half of your sensitive areas or different ways you were able to cum. Shoto wasn’t fast or slow, he could be both if he wanted to, it was a perk of experimenting with you. He could do quite literally a bit of everything. 

✧ Though he might’ve been quiet around others, he was anything but that when you would ride him, he was most definitely the most vocal of all of them. He had always made everyone in the house aware that you were bouncing up and down on his cock, or that you were getting a throatful of it. He also encouraged you to be loud with him, well, at least when there wasn’t a gag in your mouth. 

✧ Having all three boys together is a whole other story. 

✧ The boys weren’t really into each other, they were just friends who happened to share a girlfriend with each other, but every now and then when things get a bit too steamy too quick, they will make out, and pretty sloppy too. 

✧ They all alternate between your mouth, your cute lil’ pussy, and sometimes your ass. I say sometimes because the boys are pervs. They get off to watching each other have their way with you, and you just lay there and take it, conditioned to be their sweet girlfriend in public, and their perfect, obedient fucktoy in private. 

✧ I know I already mentioned that they’re not really into each other unless they’re overly turned on, but I forgot to add that they do love to talk dirty to each other as well, encouraging each other to fuck you harder, telling each other how good they’re doing, how badly they wanna kiss them, how badly they need them.

✧ They made sure to get you on a pill, because they all despised condoms. They loved the way your pussy felt when it would squeeze around them as you came, they weren’t about to let a thin piece of plastic get in the way of that. No condoms also meant you could hardly tell whose cum was whose, and there was way more of it since you didn’t have the one traditional boyfriend. 

✧ As for the aftercare, all you do is relax. You would think that big, scary villains would make you clean yourself up, but these villains were exclusively sweet to you. How could they be mean when you’re just too damn cute? From the moment you mention you’re tired to the moment you're tucked in bed, you don’t lift a single finger. 

✧ Did I mention sleep with them is the best? No? Well, it definitely is. Having all three men cuddle you gives you the best sense of peacefulness, you know they would never let anything happen to you, and they’re actually really soft when their bodies are relaxed. 

✧ In conclusion, I now want this relationship.

[strwberri-milk]

May I request kaeya x reader enemies to lovers? Or it can be academic rivals to lovers. I’m such a sucker for those tropes!

since i just did academic rivals i'll tackle the enemies to lovers!! its definitely. such a big favourite trope of mine!!

Kaeya didn't really hate you. It's more that he thought you were a little annoying, and he didn't see the point in employing your help. He felt that he did a fine job being the main source of intelligence, but clearly, that didn't exactly ring true for everyone.

Enter you. Unfortunately for him, Jean said your information network was just as vast, but in opposite directions of him. That means you were able to get knowledge on some things faster than he could, but it also means he could beat you in some regards.

You were sure you could at least have a friendly relationship with Kaeya. He seemed nice after all and a lot of people talk about how he's a very good captain who takes care of his team. Your dreams were shot into the dirt when he blew you off on your first day of work, telling you to go help somebody else because he didn't need it.

You were pretty turned off by him at that point, unsure what you did to gain his ire right off the bat. You were thankful you were given your own office opposite the hall from his. The two of you were close enough that it wouldn't be a pain to talk to him, but far away enough that you wouldn't have to know that he was just right there on the other side of the wall.

The two of you did your best to keep things cordial, never fighting in front of Jean to avoid her forcing the two of you together to make up to each other. Everyone knew you two were fighting, but nobody knew why.

You took it upon yourself to work twice as hard, gaining the respect of everyone around you much to Kaeya's disappointment. He wants to see that smug look on your face go away as you concede that he's the better between the two of you. He's going to make sure of it.

When the two of you were forced to work together on a longer expedition you two both sucked it up. As long as the job was finished everything would be fine, or at least that's what you thought.

Kaeya, for whatever reason found himself warming up to you a little, or at least to your tenacity. Once it was clear to him you weren't leaving any time soon, he decided it would be fun to start messing with you just a bit on the trip.

"This is why I told you I would do the booking," he sighs, running his hand through his hair as the two of you stare at the single bed.

It wasn't even big enough for two people, making you start looking around for an alternative way to sleep. Kaeya just puts his bags down on the ground and starts undressing for bed.

"Wow thanks for giving me the bed I appreciate it so much!" you say under your breath with a whine, meant to mock him. His sharp ears hear it and he frowns, deciding to keep it to himself for now.

You don't know what to think when you find yourself waking up on the mattress. You were so glad to be having a good sleep, cuddled up into the pillows and blankets that you forgot that Kaeya took the bed and left you on the ground.

When you looked down, you saw the sleeping bag you packed for yourself had already been wrapped up and put away with great care. There was even a plate of breakfast waiting for you on the nightstand, Kaeya's elegant writing mocking you as it called you a sleepy head. You put the card down with an amused scoff, deciding to hold it in until the trip ended.

The entire trip was like this though. He spent his time disparaging you, and then did kind things as though he didn't spend the day teasing you. You were getting sick of it, knowing that his niceties were just him trying to placate you because he knew he was wrong for treating you badly.

Or at least what's what you thought.

"Archons, could you stop being so irritating?" Kaeya says for that feels like the nth time, making you roll your eyes.

"At least I'm consistent. Where do you get off on, being so nice to me just to berate me in the day?" you complain, glad that you were beginning to see the wall of Mondstat.

"I just wanted to keep my junior on their toes. Is that so evil?"

The smile in his smirk feels far too smug and you just shake your head, deciding to ignore him for now.

"You're a strange man. I don't know why everyone likes you so much."

"They like me for a reason. You clearly have chosen no reason to hate me."

At this you turn to him sharply, glaring him down.

"That's unfair of you to say! I tried to play nice with you on the first day, and yet you're the one who's been keeping me at a distance for no reason! Do you seriously think that's fair of you! You know what - I don't have time for this right now."

You storm off to the gates, wanting to get home and take a shower right away. Kaeya just watches you, amused as he plans out his next little prank on you.

You looked absolutely adorable mad at him after all.

[bullet-prooflove]

I have an ask for Nik Sabatino 🩷 The prompt is 3. And we kept everything professional But something's changed. Thank you so much.

Tagging: @words-and-seeds @novamariestark @whateversomethingbruh @trublu2u @stelacole @kmc1989

Nik’s been back in LA for approximately three hours when he finds out about your trip to Mexico, the one you didn’t tell him about. He’s barely had enough time to dump his bags at his hotel and shower before he’s called out to a scene in Malibu involving his C.I.

It involves two dead bodies in the trunk of his car and a high speed pursuit on an electric scooter. Only in LA, he thinks as he scrolls through Tucker’s phone bringing up his most recent internet tabs.

It's then he finds the hitlist, the one with your picture on. It’s a group shot of you, Sam and Callen,  your face is shadowed by the cap you’re wearing, but the others are in plain view. It’s been taken in a hospital carpark in Mexico, he knows that because he’s been to the same hospital, he’d dropped Arlo Turk off there with a gunshot wound to the shoulder once upon a time.

He picks up his phone, dialling Turk’s number. If anyone can tell him what mischief you’ve been getting up to in Mexico it’ll be him.

“What’s your interest?” Turk asks him before he divulges the information.

My life partner’s trying to give me a heart attack, he considers telling the other man. However your relationship is still on the downlow, not even your team are aware that the two of you are together so he goes with the usual party line.

“Classified.” He says dryly. “But there’s an eighteen year old bottle of McCallan in it for you, if you tell me everything in the file and out of it.”

By the time Nik hangs up the phone he’s livid.

You’d undertaken an unsanctioned mission into Mexico to rescue Mosley’s son. It had resulted in the horrific death of Special Agent Harley Hidoko. Deeks had been critically injured, which is why you were at the hospital in the first place and the rest of you had barely escaped with your lives.

The fallout is currently still ongoing as the entire team are being investigated by a federal prosecutor. Nobody’s sure if charges are going to land your way or not, and your career…

Lord knows if you’ll still have a job at the end of the week.

You’re trying to give him an aneurysm, Nik’s sure of it.

He uses back channels to summon both you and Callen to the crime scene. His job was over and done with once his CI was arrested by the LAPD but if he leaves the scene he has to hand over the phone for evidence and he wants to show you the consequences of your actions. It’s clear to him that none of you played out how badly the mission could have gone. When he looks at it, he can see the plan was slapdash, haphazard, not the usual standard of work he expected from you all.

Mossley’s doing, he suspects, a woman so driven by her emotions, her desire to find her son that she would have sacrificed anyone of you. Hidoko had played the ultimate price, tongue cut out, burned alive and that woman hadn’t even attended her funeral. The thought of that happening to you…

It makes his blood boil because to Mosley you’re disposable and she’s hanging every single one of you out to dry.

When you step into the tented command centre he can tell you’re surprised to see him. You tuck your hands into the pockets of your jacket as you straighten your shoulders and hold your head up high. It riles him in more ways than one because you know, that he knows, and that he can’t show how pissed off he is right now, not without dropping the dime on your relationship.

“Looks like you guys survived Mexico.” He says, his expression filled with ire as he places his hands upon his hips. “Good job.”

You say nothing as you meet his gaze but he can see the defiance in you. You’re convinced you did the right thing and the problem is he can’t argue with you. The thing he loves most about you is your conviction, you know exactly who you are, you don’t lose yourself the way he does.

It’s both infuriating and extremely erotic.

“I have a feeling that’s you didn’t call us down here to congratulate us on our success.” Callen remarks, jutting his head towards the hand sticking out of the trunk of the nearby car.

“No, it is not.” Nik says, withdrawing the phone from his pocket and holding it up for the both of you to see. “The killer left his phone in the car and we found a cartel hitlist and guess who’s on it.”

He swipes his finger across the screen and the picture appears, the one of the three of you outside the hospital.

“One million.” He says looking pointedly at you. “Per person.

He sees the expression on your face change at the realisation. One million is a lot for a hit. The guy lying in the trunk of that car, his bounty was only $250,000 and he was the head of the drug enforcement taskforce. That’s how badly the cartel wants to murder you guys.

“They haven’t identified you yet but trust me they are trying really, really hard.” It’s impossible for him to keep the bite out of his voice.

“So we need to get that site taken down.” You begin, withdrawing your own phone from your back pocket to call Eric.

“I’ve already taken care of it.” Nik tells you as he returns the phone back to the evidence bag.  “I’ve got the NSA cybernuts scrubbing it from existence but it’s been on the darkweb for almost two weeks. There’s no telling who’s seen it.”

“I’m getting the feeling your mad at us. ” Callen says, crossing his arms over his chest. “Did we fuck up some super-secret CIA operation you guys were running?”

He turns his gaze on the other man, and the fury it burns deep down inside of him. There’s no way Callen doesn’t see it.

He’s almost as culpable as Mosley. He’s supposed to be the team leader, the calm one, the responsible one but he’d run head first into this mess, the same way the rest of you had. Nik knows he’s inches away from betraying himself so he does what he does best, he spins his anger towards something else, something that fits with Callen’s perception.

“You guys burned Arlo Turk.” He snaps, jabbing his finger at the other man. “That guy was the biggest source of cartel intel in the country and you burned him, do you know how many agencies relied on that information?”

None of you have any idea of all the threads you’ve unravelled, all the hard work that you’ve undone. There’s people in Washington baying for your blood, threatening to shut down Special Operations, to indict you and the two of you have no fucking clue. Nik’s out here doing damage control, he’s calling in favours, twisting the narrative, trying to save your lives and your careers.

“And there it is.” Callen mutters, the left side of his mouth twisting up into a bitter smile. “We’re making your life harder.”

He really has no fucking idea.

Nik’s phone has been vibrating in his pocket ever since this conversation started. His contacts coming back to him, feeding him information, completing the tasks he’s set them. You’re not going down for this he’s making sure of that, he’s put Mosley directly in the firing line for pulling this shit.

Already Callen’s walking away, you’re about to follow when Nik captures your arm. His eyes meet yours and you know that this isn’t over. There’s so much he wants to say to you in this moment but the words won’t leave his mouth because he’s just so God damned angry.

“Don’t think we won’t be talking about this at home.” He warns you, releasing his grasp on your arm. “I mean it Alana, you guys fucked up big time.”

Love Nik? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[ao3cassandraic]

Crowley the Maker, God the Wrecker, Part 1

I've been thinking about do be do be do since I first posted it. It's big. It's woolly. It's got a lot of parts. I can't get a handle on it, entirely.

But there's one piece I think I'm on firm ground with, so let's have a look at it.

By your leave, I will preface with a personal story: My former niche in librarianship was running a sort of then-new online library service with a strong change agenda that (it turned out) nobody really wanted. I did the marketing, I did the schmoozing, I did the service-model and software revisions (as best I could, anyway; I'm not a developer) to make the service more inviting, I proposed endless ways to make the service better, or have it serve additional constituencies, or leverage some of my other skills in service to the service's avowed mission... none of it took.

I wasn't supposed to actually do anything, much less change anything (it turned out). I was supposed to sit there quietly and make an incredibly backward, set-in-its-ways library look all shiny and innovative via nothing but my existence on its payroll.

And the sheer pointless indolence of it drove me absolutely around the bend. I need to do things. I need to do things I think are worthwhile! I went more than a bit feral -- not in good ways -- when I couldn't, when I was blocked at every turn. I'm still ashamed of myself for that, but I understand why it happened.

So yeah. I'm not in that job or that niche of librarianship any more. (Many librarians would say that as a library/archives educator, I'm not even in librarianship any more!) And I think Crowley would absolutely understand why I'm not.

Before the Beginning, we see angel!Crowley (as I will call him, not wishing to deadname) doing maker work and exulting in it. We see Aziraphale a bit confused by the whole idea of hands-on work, but game to give it a try (especially for this attractive and dynamic redhead). Then we learn that angel!Crowley is making a star factory. He is literally making a thing that will do more making! And he loves it! He loves his thing that will make things!

And he's distraught, poor soul, at the idea that the thing he just made won't actually make anything else, it won't have time. That's just some bullshit. Things that make things should make their things! Or what was the point (arc word!) of making them at all?

We also learn that he "wasn't the original concept designer," though he claims to be on fairly close terms with the being Who was. And that's key to what distinguishes Her from Crowley: She thinks and delegates, he DIYs. (Though She doesn't even do all the thinking he thinks She does! "Show me a Great Plan!" he begs Her, when we all know it's only an ineffable game because She told us as much from the start of s1.) There can be no clearer demonstration of this than taking the line "Let there be light!" away from Her -- it's quite definitely God who says this in the Bible! -- and giving it to angel!Crowley.

Angel!Crowley is also a bit of a fixer; when something is wrong, he'll do something about it if he can. Aziraphale hints pretty strongly that angel!Crowley should back off critiquing Her or even asking for a suggestion box by which anyone else might critique Her. Angel!Crowley scoffs, because fixers assume others want things fixed as badly as they do; what kind of muttonhead wouldn't want things fixed? (Je suis fixer. I'm trying to learn to restrain myself.)

But Aziraphale's right! She doesn't want to hear it, and She boots angel!Crowley out of Heaven over it, torturing him horribly and unconscionably along the way. So what does She make? She makes demons by wrecking angels. By contrast, Angel!Crowley made star factories.

(I'm aware of the theory that She had already stopped listening, such that it was the Metatron who booted angel!Crowley out. Curiously, if that turns out to be true, it doesn't change this meta a whole lot.)

So here's what Crowley knows: God can't be arsed to listen to anybody even when they mean well, nor will she lift a finger (or divine analogue) to fix one blessed thing, and even worse, She only bothers to take actual action when She's out to do harm! And this lazy vindictive schmuck has set Herself up as the sole and entire arbiter of what counts as "being good"? What She did to angel!Crowley was not by any measure good!

(Comparisons between GO!God's behavior and Lone Skum's treatment of Twitter-I-mean-X are not only warranted, they're practically impossible to avoid.)

I have to think Crowley thinks he's well rid of Her, and I also have to think his loathing of Her hypocrisy -- She is good without doing good, which is practically the definition of hypocrisy -- is part of the reason he clings to the identity as demon that She forced on him so brutally. (Not the whole of the reason; kayfabe is also part of it.) He, unlike Her, is damned well going to -- well, either be honest about himself (as She isn't about Herself) or make Her eat Her blessed words about what he is and what he does. He can do better than She ever did. Who couldn't?

So at Eden, Crowley's been told to "make some trouble." Which he does! He likes making stuff, even if it's trouble. Then he has his opinion of Her confirmed: God takes action again, to boot Adam and Eve out of Eden. Once more, Crowley thinks that's bullshit, only he's rather less direct in how he expresses it this time around. The poor snake does learn.

But. Crowley also finds, atop the garden wall, another being who actually does things, who tries to fix things! Who's not so different from him! And he's mesmerized! But he can't stop himself poking at the "do good" vs. "be good" sore place again: "oh, you're an angel, I don't think you can do the wrong thing" "wouldn't it be funny if I did the good thing and you did the bad one?" Aziraphale doesn't quite pick up on what's going on in Crowley's head, being quite immovably (as it turns out) stuck in essentialism, such that anything a demon does must be wrong because of what a demon is. Our angel's only other surety is that doing whatever She thinks is the wrong thing (and She's not exactly clear about that, is She?) has terrifying consequences.

This is already quite long, so let's call it a post. Next up: Job and speech-act theory, since @ferallair asked me about it. Mind you, I'm not by any means an expert therein; my linguistics specialty was historical Iberian phonology with a side of semantic drift in Spanish verbs, okay? But I can explain the extreme basics of the idea.

[singsweetmelodies]

With all respect and love, I absolutely love your fake dating au. If I had to choose an update between that and the kissing fic (or anything else really) I would always choose the fake dating au. There is so much potential! Please tell me you plan on updating and finishing it? If you’re not, can you at least share with us the fic plans so we can have some closure about it? Would you consider letting another author adopt the gif to finish it if you won’t? It really is a Piarles must-read. I hope I can learn the ending!

but see, anon, you DON'T get to choose. only i get to choose, and i have chosen to update the 2023 kisses fic. 😌

... you know, i debated for a long time if i would even bother answering this ask, or just delete it right off the bat. because in my opinion, this is an incredibly rude, insensitive and entitled thing to send to any writer. it was ONLY A FEW DAYS AGO that i talked publicly about how important it is to remember that writers are humans, too, not machines, and to please treat us like humans. and yet here i am again.

i'm going to answer this one more time, and i'm going to answer it in detail, and then in future if i get any asks in this vein, they WILL be deleted without any interaction. you guys are making me consider turning off anon asks entirely, which i really don't want to do, because the other half of my anons are SO very lovely!! but i also have had enough of waking up to rudeness and blatant entitlement in my inbox.

so. why exactly is it that i think this ask is so entitled and insensitive? didn't the anon say "with all respect and love" and compliment my fic at the start of it?

yes. yes, they did. but the thing is, saying "with all respect and love" doesn't mean you can then proceed to be rude to me and it's all fine. that's like me saying "with all due love and respect, i have decided to delete the fic entirely." the fact that i prefaced it with "love and respect" does not make what i did later alright. (although in this case, it WOULD be alright regardless of whether i prefaced it with "love and respect" or not, since it's MY fic and i can do what i want with it.) this anon, on the other hand - this anon has no right to demand anything of me. i am a fanfic author and i do this for free. it is not my job. i have no obligation to do any of this. which means that nobody out there, really, has any right to demand performance from me. (lmao can you tell i have been deep in the law textbooks lately) but the point stands! i don't owe you anything at all.

yes, you can ask me nicely, and i can choose to reply if i want. (hell, if you ask me nicely, i'd probably LOVE to write things for you!!) but you don't get to DEMAND updates from me. and "tell me you plan on updating and finishing // can you at least share with us the fic plans so we can have some closure" is not asking nicely. that's demanding. YES, anon gave me a compliment and they said "with all respect and love." but they're STILL demanding performance from me, and that's not okay. the anon is making it sound like i owe you "closure" (even though this is a work of fiction, not a break-up you're going through, and i think the word "closure" is a VERY dramatic one to use.)

once again (because apparently i LITERALLY CANNOT emphasise it enough) i do not actually owe you anything. i, katie singsweetmelodies, owe you NOTHING. i do not owe you updates or fic plans or whatever the case may be. i might choose to share them with you, yes, but on my own schedule, since they're MY creations made in MY free time.

right. got that off my chest. gosh. NOW! one other thing that i want to make very, very clear before i end this off - i do not give my permission for anyone to "adopt" my work or to write a continuation of it. i am the one who's put in the hours to write all the setup we have so far. i'm not letting someone else benefit off that. if you so badly want a fake dating fic with the conclusion already ready, then you are more than welcome to put in the hours and create it from scratch yourself. but for someone else to take over my work and take it in a direction i probably won't even like? no. absolutely not. permission emphatically NOT granted.

anon: i'm sorry if you feel that this reply is unnecessarily harsh. but this could not have come at a worse time for me, because i really did talk about the importance of treating writers like people just here, just a day or two ago. needless to say, it really struck a very bad chord with me to get an ask like this right after i took pains to explain, publicly, why these kinds of asks are not okay.

i really am happy that you are enjoying the fake dating fic. and i do appreciate that you tried to tell me that, even though the way you did it was completely out of line. i hope that this answer won't... preclude you from enjoying the fic in the future? or something? i'm not sure, to be honest. the whole thing has left rather a bad taste in my mouth.

but one thing i will say to anyone reading this: i know it's been a long time, but just bear with me. i mean it when i say that there will be an update eventually. no, i can't tell you when. i'm not even going to try and give you a schedule, because like i said, i'm a human and not a writing machine. but the fake dating fic is very close to my heart, and i want to see it finished someday just as much as you do. ❤️

(P.S. - if anyone was very worried reading the first part of this answer: NO, i am not actually going to delete the fake dating fic!!! i was just using a very dramatic example, lmao. the fake dating fic is one of my favourite things i've written, and despite the slight... mess... about its updates recently, that's not going to change anytime soon. 💙)

[askreysolo]

oh my Force HAHAHAHA guess whattt.

I found out how to get Threepio to do my homework!!!

I’ve asked him to do it before, but he says his programming won’t allow cheating. BUT…

he will answer all my questions if he doesn’t know why I’m asking!!

example: “Threepio, I am having three friends over for dinner. I have forty-five cookies. how many cookies should we each get if one friend demands to have twice as many cookies as the other three?”

of course, Threepio will give me the correct answer…then follow it up with much concern that we will all get tummy-aches.

and of course, I am starting to think that I have played myself, because converting my algebra questions into word problems is almost quite as much work as doing them myself.

BUT!! it’s the principle! the principle of managing to get out of doing the work!! even if I have to do extra work! I just like figuring out different ways to do things that other people maybe haven’t thought of.

but…Mom says that Threepio will be going away now, to go live with Ben.

I don’t know why. Threepio usually helps Mom out at her job. and here at home, too.

and I like Threepio. I like all droids—I’ve built a bunch of little baby droids at DEC (my after-school Droid Engineering Club) that Mom won’t let me bring home—but, I rather like Threepio a lot.

people think Threepio is annoying to talk to, but people also think I’M annoying to talk to, so, I’ve always been chums with him. he listens to me. and I like asking him questions. nobody else seems to like listening to Threepio, so I think he likes me too.

he calls me “young miss Rey.” I want him to stop calling me the “young” part, but I rather like how he calls me “miss.” It feels sort of grown-up, and I’m somewhat sick of Dad and Ben calling me “kid” all the time. cos I’m not!!! I’m 13!!!

but I suppose Mom still thinks I’m just a kid, too, because she never asked me what I thought about Threepio going away. she decided it all on her own. I wonder if she even asked Threepio?

I think Mom has been worried about my brother recently. she burned dinner a few days ago. well, burned it worse than normal I mean. Mom can’t cook normally, but usually what she makes is edible.

sometimes, I wonder if Mom loves her little boy more. well, he’s NOT little—he is HUGE—but you know what I mean. I know my mom loves me, but Ben’s holos are everywhere in the house—and of course mine are too—except there are holos of Ben as a baby where he looks like a potato and holos of him as a toddler and of him as a little kid and for me it’s as if my life only started when I was seven and I wasn’t even formally adopted till I was eleven because I so badly wanted to believe my birth mum and dad were still out there, looking for me—and maybe I still wonder, in secret, sometimes—but—well, maybe I just don’t know how to put this all into words quite right.

I suppose I just feel sometimes that it’s not fair. Ben doesn’t live here anymore, but Mom seems to be thinking about him all the time. I know something bad happened to Ben when he was younger—I don’t know WHAT—but do you really need to have something bad happen to you in order for people to care? I’ve been through some pretty bad things, too… but Mom calls me her little ray of sunshine and I think I sort of get it now—she doesn’t worry about me quite so much, because she rescued me from Jakku, she pulled me out of danger, and I’m safe now, and I’m her strong and happy little girl, and I’ll always be.

or I’m always supposed to be.

well, I’m glad Mom believes in me!! my mom is very strong, and I’m very proud that she thinks I’m as strong as she is. I know Ben gets very annoyed that Mom doesn’t seem to trust him the way she trusts me—even though he’s so much older.

but, well, maybe I’m annoyed that Mom fusses over him more than me. she already had her time with Ben, and he’s grown-up now. I’m still growing up.

I wish Mom would smile more. I’m used to being the baby of the family and making everyone else feel happy, but I can’t be everyone’s ray of sunshine all the time.

and…I’m gonna miss Threepio… :’( I really hope Ben is nice to him…

[tamtam-go92]

Monday

Maribel wanted to reject Litzy, she really wanted to. She never asked to have another sibling. As if it wasn't enough to suddenly have to share the room with another girl her age. But Litzy was just so cute! She couldn't help but like that little bundle...

Josue was so annoyed that he was - together with Mr. King, but you couldn't really count him - the only boy in the house. But the house itself was pretty cool, with the pool and everything!

Raneka couldn't wait to get out of the house. So to spend less time out of it, she got herself an after-school-job.

David loved his little Litzy. He could have like three more of her running around the house. But Gabriela said no more kids. Even Litzy had been unplanned. But David was so grateful to have her. It was like having little Raneka all over again...

Around Midday Mr. Splitter and Mrs. DeShong came to visit. David didn't know why they came over, but he was always happy to have a full house. He only felt a little attacked when Maribel and Josue started talking about the newest additions of the family and lets say, they didn't choose the nicest words for his part of the patch work family.

Genesis: Mari, I know you're not feeling so great about this situation, but please, give David and Raneka a chance. They're not that bad. Maribel: I know Tia. It's just... Papa had only been dead for such a short time when Mama came home with this guy... And the pregnancy and moving and Raneka - urg - she's just driving me nuts! Genesis: What's wrong with her? Maribel: She... she knows a secret about me... and I'm afraid she'll tell Mama. Genesis: What can be so bad, Amor? Why don't you tell it your Mama yourself? Maribel: That's not so easy Tia! I - I'm really afraid... Can - can I tell you? You won't tell anybody, will you? Genesis: Of course I won't! Maribel: Tia - I - I'm in love with a girl.

Genesis had almost started laughing at her nieces confession. She knew that Maribel's father had been really traditional and would have rejected a relationship like that, but Gabriela was a doctor, she knew that nobody could choose who to love and she wouldn't react badly on hearing about Maribel's first crush (what more could it be at that age?). Genesis herself tried to get some adventure in her life too, but Dr. Splitter didn't seem interested... Too bad, being with a Mad Scientist would no doubt be exciting.