#i wanna write but I'm having a block
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Time and Time Again comes back tonight!
Thank you all for being so patient with me, I know it was a long hiatus.
My health was struggling, my arm was (is) hurting, and I decided it wasn't worth it. I'd rather be slow!
So thank you for giving me that grace, and I hope you'll be there with me for the rest of the series.
#like straight up. it's not worth it. idc how many people get mad at me#i would rather work fuckin. anything else than maintain this impossible schedule and keep hurting myself#if thats what it takes to do comics full time. then i can't do comics full time. simple as that!#i hope that for my next work i can have a healthier schedule and still make this work as my job#but if not. I'm never going back#i can't do it. 3 more years at this pace will take my ability to draw#anyways. its really good!!!#like genuinely i can feel a marked improvement in my skills#which is WILD!!! And I'm extremely happy about that!!!#just one more step into being better built to give people the quality stories they deserve.#ive not properly had the fire under my ass to finish stuff up but. its fine.#like i said? not worth it.#if i have to pause again then ill pause again. like i literally simply can not my body can't handle it#so. hopefully stuff goes smoothly but whatever happens will happen#whatever will be will be#i keep getting distracted lmfao#im excited about it coming back#and also. will. probably be distracting myself...#other creators dont read their comments. I'm like straight up not capable of that LMAOOO#i check for comments like all the time#love seeing em. love reading people's thoughts about my work#it makes me a better writer and keeps me connected to what matters most. which is my audience!#so i dont regret doing that but also. jts extremely distracting#i get straight up nothing done on big update days#cause im in the comments absolutely massive eyed refreshing.#this sounds obsessive. and it is. no jk#its just fun and keeps me in touch w peoples perception which helps me learn to write better#plus people are nice and ask me questions that i wanna answer#or if someone is being an ass. then i wanna tell them to leave (cause i cant block people) cause i consider it my responsibility#time and time again
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cannot believe i gotta say this but please don't follow me if you're comfortable selfshipping with canon racists. i don't care if you headcanon them as otherwise, because if their racism against a real group of people is a key facet of their character (much less incredibly important to the telling of the story that this character is a racist) then i do not wanna see it. this is not the safe space for you
#jay's jots#vaguepost about someone f/oing a hugely anti-romani character in the tags. i'm so fucking tired man#THIS IS ABOUT NAZI F/OS TOO WHILE WE'RE HERE STOP FUCKING F/OING CANON NAZIS#NOT AN INVITE FOR DISCOURSE BTW if you come in my notes to rebuttal this you're getting blocked#''but austin you have problematic f/os'' sorry i don't view unrealistic horror villains on par with realistic levels of racism#i don't wanna fucking hear it this is the line i am drawing. i don't care if they aren't real#you can in general find interest in characters like that especially bc it's good to deconstruct how bigots act and whatnot#but you don't have to f/o them??? you don't have to f/o every character you think is interestingly written??? oh my god???#a note on this reminded me to write here that i turned off rbs for my own sanity#getting people mad at me for having a boundary when this post broke containment was NUTS
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Chreon Week: Patching Wounds (Day 1)
Leon wakes slowly to a throbbing pain in his head. His body feels much of the same, just one huge bruise. More pain is concentrated around the side of his abdomen, though. He shifts, trying to prop himself up, only to be met with a hand gently pushing him down.
Leon’s eyes fly open and he struggles more, trying recall where he is. He was… brought as backup on a mission with Chris and some of his team. They had split up upon entering the facility, some old-looking house that had a hidden lab under it. Chis and himself taking the higher levels while the rest of the male’s team took the lower ones.
The lab was void of people, but B. O.W.S. still prowled its halls. They had learned why soon enough, finding out that one of the creatures had escaped containment and went on a killing spree, effectively ridding the area of whatever personnel had been here previously.
For the most part, the BOWS here were simple minded, if a bit difficult to kill, covered with an armour-like plating. They’re able to dislodge the armour from their skin like a projectile, rendering the flesh underneath vulnerable. From there, they’re easy to dispatch, so long as you aren’t hit by one of the plates.
Leon wasn’t hit by a plate, more like grazed, but the pain had distracted him enough to make a wrong step on a weak looking section of the floor and fall through. Leading to where he is now, he supposes, vision finally focusing and seeing Chris eyeing him with concern.
“Stop moving, I’m trying to treat your side,” Chris says, brown eyes focusing back on Leon’s side, spraying first aid spray on the wound. It was bleeding sluggishly and honestly didn’t hurt that bad. It definitely didn’t warrant this much care, in Leon’s opinion. He’s operated with worse.
His brow furrows as he opens his mouth to voice as much, but one glare from Chris has Leon rolling his eyes and quieting. He’s aware the other would be stubborn about this and his head hurts just a bit too much to try and argue.
“What happened to the B. O. W.?” Leon asks instead, already knowing the answer. Chris moves away from the wound, satisfied with what care he could manage to administer. Leon pushes himself up, wincing a bit, but otherwise fine.
“Dead. It fell in after you and got its leg trapped under some rubble. Easy enough to kill after that,” Chris replies, standing and offering a hand to Leon. He raises an eyebrow, but takes it, letting Chris pull him up. The hand lingers for a second before Chris lets go, but Leon shrugs it off.
“Well. Let’s go, then,” Leon says, shooting Chris a wry smile and moving away. Clenches his hand repeatedly trying to memorize or maybe forget the feeling of Chris’s hand in his. Forces himself to get a grip, shaking his head a little and settling himself back in a headspace more made to fight B. O. W. S.
He'll probably overthink this interaction later, when he gets back from the mission and his adrenaline is down. But that’s for later.
#chreon#chreonweek2024#resident evil#I'm like... super rusty#and this is actually my first time writing them#and I'm bad at romance sometimes#anyway!#I tried#sorry#they're like... super out of character#and idk how to fix it#but I'm just gonna go with it#bc the writers block has been demolishing me lately#and I just kind of wanna have fun#also how do ppl write BOWS?#is it with or without the periods?#I did with for the accuracy#but I kind of prefer without
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HUH???
#ash rambles 💚#someone i didnt recognize just liked one of my posts#and in their bio it was like 'yea i write minor/adult stuff'#WHAT??? HOW DID YOU EVEN GET HERE????#when i tell you my finger ran to the block button at the speed of light#guys this blog is NOT MEANT FOR YOU!!!! Please go away 😭 i dont wanna see any of that stuff! it's icky!!!!!#also have i not made it clear that I'm not too fond of having fandom blogs following this blog??#like I'm not too bitchy about it but like. if you have nothing to do with selfshipping and youre writing that awful garbage...#why the fuck are you here?#there's nothing for you in ash's selfshipping chaos#go the fuck away lmao :D#anyways back to doing homework for me! see ya!
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On hiatus for an indefinite moment.
#CW: Rant#Things are not looking well art and writing wise#And I can't seem to grasp anything well anymore seeing how much I've downgraded in everything#Art block and Writing block hit well but I know I'm nowhere near 'getting better at it'#It's just a bullshit reason for me to keep myself away from everyone#I can't even think of anything creative anymore unlike how I did back then#I'll be lurking but maybe not responding to anything#And I'll probably lurk somewhere else#I plan on going through my drafts and try to see if I can do better with my old WIPs and Ideas#I hope I can feel the same spark I used to feel last year(s)#I'd probably only be away for a week (please be so because I wanna write too) so heyyyyyyyyy fingers crossed#(sobs) I haven't even written anything proper for the celebration#WHAT IS THIS AHAHHAHA SOME SORT OF GRADUATION FAREWELL SPEECH?#Ta-ta~#nb: everyone is bored of my saggy ass writing#no one likes it anymore#I have to WRITE BETTER
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i need matt in that jury so bad so i can stop being subjected to these annoying ass, infantilizing takes from both fans and the other players. his refusal to play his own game being twisted into 'poor matty is being taken advantage of by the evil monster jag' is so unserious.
#bb25#jag is a fucking clown right now but i'm tired of that white freak getting babied in comparison.#ever since felicia nutty ass said she trusts him because he reads the bible i've wanted his ass out.#all these takes acting like matt putting a number for himself on the block on HIS hoh is something matt is the 'victim' of#rather than something completely fucking stupid he literally didn't have to do.#or pretending he wasn't throwing cirie utb to jag for that matter. he ACTIVELY helped jag evict her.#like yeah matt IS jag's puppet lmfao.#but if matt isn't responsible for anything and is just a vessel for the manipulative monster jag - then he doesn't deserve shit!#and this is me TRYING not to write the essay i wanna write fr!
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wips that i'm currently working on:
contract killer!toji x contract killer!reader x handler!shiu
archangel!satoru x demon!reader
heian era!sukuna x sacrifice!reader
#i'm kinda excited for all three of them but they are all gonna be long and it somehow slows my progress#so i'm putting it out there to maybe motivate myself to write more because yo girl has been struggling with creative drive lately#like i open my wips after few days and i don't know how to move from the moment i stopped even if i know what i wanna do in the story#artistic block??????????#oh i also have a love medley and serendipity started and just kinda... hanging there#tough life guys#ri writes
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i am currently in the precarious situation where everything that i want to work on requires me researching in some way before i can do it and it's making my brain throw a tantrum because i just want to write but i know it will be no good and i'll have to rewrite it once i gather the information i need to actually work on it grrrrrrrrrrrrr
#another good thing about hand-writing notes is that i got to work through what was blocking everything i'm working on#and all of it is that i have to watch x or read y and i don't wANNA#the most annoying one is rereading parts of bleach#the problem with reading bleach is that it reminds me of how much i fucking love it and then i get sad over how bad it gets#like i love bleach SO MUCH and it has disappointed me in such hurtful ways that even rereading the good parts makes me ache#AND THEN I GET ANNOYED WITH MYSELF FOR BEING SO DRAMATIC#BUT I HAVE A WHOLE SHELF THAT IS ALMOST ENTIRELY BLEACH BOOKS AND PARAPHERNALIA RAAAAAAAAH#thinking about 22 year old me buying every single volume they had in the used bookstore#(they were like 200 yen each if that)#knowing that it had started sucking and that was probably why they'd been donated#but still thinking there was a light at the end of the tunnel#see i'm being dramatic again lol#rum writing#anyway all that being said star wars was on tv last night and someone commented on my lightsaber au kaibaek fic so i am writing it now omg
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watching vids of people showing their commonplace journals / general journals and suddenly being hit with an intense wave of sadness because my life feels so dull and pathetic 😭 it's not even over anything major either it's just like... "i threw in some pics i took w/ my friend on this page" and i go... fuuuuck
#miles txt#now i wanna buy a cheap notebook i'll actually do stuff in#(every notebook i have i'm scared to write in bc they're too pretty.......)#but my car is blocked in the driveway and idk why that hit me with another wave of sadness like bnkfjbnbkj#i leave the house so insanely infrequently that it's a safe bet to park behind my car bc it's not like /I/ ever have anywhere to be or go#;_; even the IDEA of going to the store and buying a cheap notebook feels big and scary which is so ANNOYING and makes me angry at myself#ugh anyways. i'm inspired but i have nothing to do w/ that inspiration at the moment#i guess i can collect up scraps of Stuff i have to tape inside it.. when i have one.#bc i DO indeed keep random scraps of various things i think look cool and then i shove em in a drawer
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the urge to change my mind about writing suggestive/smut on here because sam just makes me that horny and i'm lowkey good at writing smut with feelings and that's what sam is to me
#AAAAAA like#i want to serve the people#but i also want to focus on sfw stuff anyways#and like it's my blog i'm allowed to write whatever i want#and it's so unlikely that anything bad will actually happen with ageless blogs#like minors i immediately will block obviously#but it's hard to keep track of all the blogs that interact with my posts#and i hate feeling stressed about it#so like maybe i should just ignore the problem HAHA#and if i have sam smut that i wanna write i just will lol#. >> mari writes !
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friends and fiends if this truly spells the Over for the qsmp i may let the brainworms that have been festering in me for MONTHS--A YEAR, EVEN--win.
i may summarize the goddamn fucking lore.
#i CANNOT make an 8 hour summary i CAN'T i SHOULD NOT that is SO MUCH CONTENT#and i still only speak like 2/4 qsmp languages MAYBE 2.5/4 if we're REALLY stretching it#but GODDAMNIT I'M DOING SOME CURSORY RESEARCH ANYWAY BC I WANNA WRITE THAT FUCKING TIME LOOP#qsmp#maybe just the fed lore. haha. eye twitches. maybe just the iverall server lore. maybe i'll even bother caring about the qsmp livestreams.#haha. eye twitch. fucking. eye twitch.#solo lore is B E Y O N D me but MAYBE shit that affected Most or All lore i could do#like code lore and shit. obv it knots in with other lore but FUCK IT WHATEVER#AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i'm not even gonna worry about it#yknow what. not even gonna worry about it. i gotta do the research first 🤪 whatever bro#if the research gets done i'll think about alllllllllllll the rest of this but this is a YEAR OF CONTENT#mother FUCKER dude it's not possible there's no way#this is a year with like 80 hours of streams per DAYYY at peak who could do this#who could. no wonder no one could keep up. no wonder i had to LIVE in the tag to keep up#good lord GOD i shouldn't do this. i'm not committing. god i want to though. god i shouldn't.#shut up vic#block game brainrot#HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA#WHATEVER HAHAHAHA WHATEVER AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA#i will beat this storyline into SUBMISSION i will beat it to DEATH i will FORCE IT TO MAKE SENSE#I WILL PRUNE IT LIKE THE WORLDS WORST BONSAI I SWEAR TO GOD#i'm unhinged i can't i have so wanted to do this but i swore to myself i wouldn't#bc i know i'll go insane and i know it will take FUCKING YEARS and there is no fucking way i'll see it to the end#but goddddddddddddddd i want to i SO FUCKING WANT TO#listen. if there's no more lore. i may summarize the fucking lore. someone will beat me to it 100% bc i take fucking a million years#but people are suckers for long video essays and summaries IT'S ME I'M PEOPLE#anyway if you got this far and have the screenshot of mariana messaging slime to tell him their daughter is dead please send it#i can't find it via google and i don't have twitter and i know it was posted there at some point :(#i want it :( i want to throw it back in slime's face in the time loop because repetition is fun and heartbreaking >:D
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I've had this thing stuck in my head for a while
In my own personal world/AU, Monspeet & Derieri are really popular. And it's not because they're my favorite characters, but because of a spin off
A magical girl spin off of nnt, where Elizabeth, Diane, & Elaine are the main trio and Gelda, Derieri, & Melascula are the main villainess trio and so on and they kinda do classic magical girl things although it's pretty clear that's there's some very big lore underneath. Epic fights and more focus on the characterization of the girls while sticking to a thin line between canon & fanon.
Out of everyone in the show, Derieri (along with Monspeet) makes the most impactful introductions. Derieri bringing a brutal reality check to the main trio by defeating them with ease.
And when they do defeat Derieri and Elizabeth goes for the final blow, Monspeet just- stops it. Countering Elizabeth's attack and going to Derieri's aid. He's scolded by her, of course- but she surrenders. Making it their win. Their canon dynamic being there in the spin off made it so much interesting
#i'm borderline embarrassed about sharing this because it's from my own personal AU/world that i've never posted about#my writers block has gotten so bad i don't even wanna look at my own writing so i can't remember what i have/haven't posted about
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i am once again asking if people post snippets of their fics before they're done. genuinely cannot tell if it's common practice or not. or just irritating. legitimate question
#like i cannot tell if it's typical. i feel like I've seen people do it but i also think i'm misremembering that#is that a thing people do in fandom circles??? i dunno#writing woes#i don't have much i want to post rn bc i've been in writing block mode#but when i'm motivated i do want to share what i have. love progress snapshots#but don't wanna bug people with it y’know?#i just dunno! i want to share what i have to show i Have been chipping away at some of my projects#i am simply slow. but i AM doing stuff.#do people post stuff that doesn't make it into fics? their practice snapshots that go nowhere?#i have NO idea#also. i am still quite tipsy. i am not distressed i am simply uncertain
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Guy who has about 50,000 words he'd like to write before getting back to STAE: I miss STAE
#i'm sorry that i love my own series this much it's really embarrassing how much i want to talk about it#i'm just so fucking excited to get to the next phase of beejhawk's relationship because that's gonna be so fun to roll in like a pig in mud#i might have to ping pong a little#like do the first fic i want to write then do the nurses section of the next stae fic then do another fic then come back to dear sigmund et#i don't wanna do that because i don't wanna keep these other fics waiting but if it's either that or get so blocked i can't write at all#then i will do what needs to be done#my ramblings
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Bored and I wanna get back into the swing of writing. Anyone got WoF oneshot requests? I can prolly crank 300-500 words for one. Canon characters of course. I like a good ol' canon scene rewrite, but I'm not opposed to making up something quick
#sp-rambles#Okay so here's why I'm doing these#I used to rewrite a TON of scenes from WoF#It's actually where I got my foot in the door for literary analysis as well as writing#Whenever I felt blocked creatively I'd often have some nagging annoyance or concept from WoF that inspired me to rewrite a scene#that or elaborate on a certain idea#I moved more and more away from WoF these days but I still have a big soft spot for it#I wanna get back into the swing of things y'know?
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