#i used to have more detailed thoughts about this very topic but i either failed to write them down or they're buried in old discord message

[spitdrunken]

Relief Duty

Relationship: Blade x gn!Reader Summary: There is a request Blade never fails to make of the people he cares about most.

Notes: consensual murder, depictions of violence, drowning, vomit. No sexual content, except very vaguely implied, but this is a kink fic. Do not read this to trigger or upset yourself in any way, that is not its intention.

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"Will you do it?" Blade asks, arms crossed in front of his body.

He is always a man of few words. Not even in this situation does he comfort you, or reassure you that denial would be okay. But he's not heartless. If you were to tell him 'no', you're certain that he'd let the subject go. At least for now.

"The other Stellaron Hunters…" you start. "Have they…?"

Blade nods, short. "Yes. Kafka used her strings. They were wrapped around my throat. Silver Wolf… Used her powers. The details I've forgotten. Firefly used SAM, upon my request." A golden flicker lights his eye, like the sparks of a flame. "That was the closest I feel I've ever gotten. If there is a chance you would be capable of killing me… I would want to die at your hands."

Despite yourself, your heart flutters. The subject matter is gruesome, but the weight of his words is heavy, their meaning clear. It is almost intimate.

You shift from one foot to the other. "I could try. But I don't have any fancy powers like them, or anything like that," you tell him. He knows, but you feel it must be repeated.

"I am aware. They are not necessary." He is silent, for a moment. His eyes move away from yours, momentarily slipping somewhere you cannot follow. "Sometimes, I wonder if the solution is so simple I have not thought of it yet. I have been maimed in battle in every way imaginable— To no avail."

"Well, then, is there any way you haven't died in yet? Or at least not as often?"

And that is how you end up with Blade on his knees in front of a bathtub filled with lukewarm water. About to murder your own partner. Via drowning.

…Aeons, what are you even doing? You want to sigh and run a hand down your face, or bash your head into the nearest wall. It's for him. For the solemn determination that enters him as soon as the topic of his death is breached, of the clear desire that is guiding him. You love Blade enough that, were he offered a chance at death, you would allow him to take it, even if that meant leaving you behind.

…You know, in your heart, that he would take the opportunity without hesitation, though not without final parting words.

(The only reason you've decided to do is because you are certain that he will not work. That, like every other time, his eyes will close only to open again soon enough. You don't think you will make the difference here. You doubt that Blade really believes it, either. But this kind of hope keeps him going, and so you will not bring it up. Even if this act was never brought up in any script whatsoever.)

"Are you ready?" Blade asks you, as if he's not the person about to be killed. After a beat of silence, you nod.

You extend your arm, and lace your fingers through his hair. For just a moment, you scratch at his scalp, and Blade lets out a noise akin to a hum.

"Okay. I'll do it." You steel yourself, then push his head down towards the water. There is no resistance, his head enters the water with more of a splash than you were anticipating. Rather than merely allowing you to push him under, he pushes his own head under, too.

You're both regretful and relieved that you picked this option. Relieved, because it requires very little of your own action, except to keep his head down. (Right now, Blade is so inert that there are not even ripples in the water anymore.) On the other hand, the act of waiting for him to die underneath your touch is excruciating and uncomfortable. You squeeze your eyes shut, and try to think of other things. You start to massage Blade's scalp with the tips of your fingers yet again.

Eventually, a burst of bubbles escapes his mouth. His limbs jerk and seize, his chin bangs against the side of the tub, purely on instinct. His arms reach for his chest and claw at his flesh-covered ribcage, lungs screaming for air underneath. Your fingers are all cramped up, and you bite on the inside of your cheek hard enough to draw blood.

Then, all of a sudden, he simply goes limp. You realise a long, deep breath, your shoulders shaking. Crouching, you drag Blade's body out of the tub, muttering an apology under your breath when his skull knocks into the wall when you try to get his… Corpse to sit down. Any bruise he gets will be healed again soon, sure enough— You're certain of it.

You pace up and down the room as you wait for Blade to revive. His skin, already pale during regular days, looks more sunken in, almost blueish. Beneath his nearly-closed eyes his eyes dulled to a shade of their former self. Water droplets leak from his lips and run down his face from locks of his hair. …Despite the fact that he's dead, he's still beautiful nonetheless. You stroke his cheek and find the skin cold underneath your touch, as it always is.

On occasion, you wonder whether calling him alive or simply a reanimated corpse would be more apt of a description. In Blade's eyes, you figure, both of those ideas would be wrong. He's a weapon. Nothing more, nothing less.

His eyelids flutter, and you let out a sigh of relief. Blade's body jerks and shudders. The first thing he does when coming back to life is spewing water mixed with thick strands of drool all over himself. He hacks and coughs, shuddering and twitching, a single tear rolling down his cheek. Once he has his breathing under control, he groans and clutches his head.

"I'm sorry it didn't work." Blade is still too out of it too respond. You take one of the previously prepared towels and dip a tip of it into the bath, using it to remove the remains of vomit from around his mouth. "Are you okay? I can help you get some new clothes on."

You flutter about the room, hoping that he won't have returned to the world of the living in a state other than his usual. When Blade speaks, his voice is hoarse.

"...Thank you. For trying." He sighs, eyes shifting towards the ceiling, staring at the leights. "Let me sit here a little while longer."

You know he cares about you. But the fact you can't provide him with what he wants most, that it conflicts so directly with your own desires, it does hurt. And yet, you smile. You press your back against the wall and slide down next to him.

"Sure. But you do know you're, like, dripping with vomit, right?"

The ghost of a smile quirks its way up on to Blade's lips. "I was wondering if you'd simply dumped me whole into the bath. After I lost consciousness."

"Absolutely not. It was difficult enough to drag you around while you were on your knees."

"I don't like to hear you insult yourself," Blade merely responds, and it would have been better if he hadn't commented at all. You know your upper body strength is not the best, but, whatever! You huff a breath of air out through your nose.

"If you're this coherent, we can get you cleaned up."

As you get to your feet once again, you feel Blade's eyes boring into your back, and when you turn around he is staring right at you, hands folded over his lap.

"Would you... Consider doing this again? In the future?"

[salty-croissants]

Bullfrog and Rayman/Ramon x reader on their period

Thank you @bullfrog-supremacy for the request !

I’m currently trying my best to finish up as many of these as I can , mostly because I’m disorganized as hell and let them pile up ;C; 

As soon as I’m left with a more reasonable number , I’ll open up my requests again for some time , promised ! 👍

Anyway , this is actually a pretty appropriate moment for me to write this one since … well , I’m currently living the topic of the prompt (,:

It’s actually very comforting to imagine how the cuties would take care of the reader at a time like this ://)

Hope it turned out okay ! 

Details : use of gender neutral reader ;

established relationships ; 

no warnings needed 

Bullfrog 💚

Like always , Bullfrog immediately notices that something is a little off about you , and he is quick to guess what is happening …

< Is it that time of the month , mon amour ? > 

< … yeah … don’t worry though , it just hurts a little , I can still help you with - > 

< Non non , that’s not necessary : what you need right now is to get some rest , you look very tired . > 

< Really ? Is that … okay ? > 

< Of course it is my dear ! You don’t worry about a thing , I will take care of you . > 

< Heh … thank you my love ~ > 

He really means it : 

even if he has to leave for a urgent mission , Bullfrog will exit your home only after he made sure that you’re comfortable and you have everything you need to help you relieve the pain , from blankets to warm drinks and medicine …

He just wouldn’t be able to bare the thought of knowing his y/n isn’t feeling well and he isn’t doing anything about it .

< Here , I made some tea , be careful though : it’s very hot . > 

< Thank you so much , Bullfrog … sorry for being a bit moody this morning by the way … it usually happens when I’m like this . > 

< Ne t'inquiète pas y/n , what matters now is that you take all the time you need to feel better : I will spend a lot more time with you once I get back , promis juré . > 

Bullfrog is going to be very careful when cuddling with you to avoid holding you too tightly and hurting you : 

if you don’t feel comfortable with being touched he will perfectly understand , and is going to be happy to just lie by your side while you rest . 

Even if you’re not feeling at your best , he really is just content with being with you ❤️

Rayman 🧡

Rayman feels bad about seeing his beloved in pain and not being able to take it away from you … it’s the worst feeling for him . 

However , you can be sure that he will do everything he can to help you get better , and that starts with making you lie down somewhere comfortable , either the couch or the bed .

< There you go , darling … take it easy , let me take care of everything , okay ? > 

< Okay … thanks Ray , I really needed this … ~ > 

< No need to thank me , it’s the least I could do for my beautiful y/n ~ > 

If you feel the need to talk about something , maybe even vent for a bit , Rayman is going to stay there and listen to you for as long as you need ( though unfortunately he needs to leave to attend his shows , so he can’t do this as much as he’d like ) .

If you ever feel ashamed about it , he is quick to put your mind at ease .

< Wait , how long have I been … ? 

Crap , I’m sorry , I shouldn’t have kept you here listening to my melodramatic speech about how this whole thing sucks … > 

< No no , please y/n don’t ever apologize for something like that ! 

How long have you listened to my rants about what those douchebags say about me at work ? > 

< Well , yeah but … that’s different … > 

< Nah , you deserve to be able to speak your mind too , especially when you’re with me . 

What kind of partner would I be if I didn’t even bother to hear you out ? > 

If you even just hint that you need something , anything , Rayman will rush off and then materialize by your side seconds later with just what you asked … it never fails to make you smile , despite the annoying and sharp feeling brought by your period .

< Hehe , wow , I literally just mentioned a glass of water and you already got it …

You’re always so sweet , Ray … I love you so much … ~ > 

< I love you too , honey ! ~

Trust me , if I didn’t need to head out for today’s shows I’d just stay here with you all day … > 

< Really … ? Even though I’m constantly bothering you and complaining about things … ? > 

< y/n , you could never bother me . It’s an understandable reaction , you’re not feeling well and it hurts , so please don’t feel bad about needing to talk about what’s wrong , okay ? 

I want to be with you all the time , especially when you’re not at your best : you’ve always been there for me after all , so it’s time I repay the favor . > 

< Ray … ! > 

You can’t help but lean forward to kiss him after he says those adorable things … 

Rayman truly is a sweetheart :,//) 

Ramon 🖤

Since Ramon is always determined to take care of you at the best of his abilities , when he realizes you’re on your period he will pretty much force you to get some rest , even if you don’t feel like it .

< Ram , please … I can help you with it if you let me get u - > 

< No . > 

< But - > 

< No , you need to sleep , I know you had trouble with it last night .

Now please … lie your head back down , honey . > 

Similarly to the past , Ramon is also insanely quick when it comes to providing you with what you need , no matter what that might be : 

you’re cold ? He shows up with as many blankets as he can carry .

You’re thirsty or would like something to eat ? He is going to bring you your favorite drinks and snacks .

Anything to make sure you’re as comfortable as possible .

< Thank you , Ram ~

 I would’ve gotten it myself , but it started to hurt again … > 

< Don’t worry about it , just tell me if there’s something else I can do for you , okay ? > 

Ramon loves to lay by your side while you rest , his hands gently holding you while he whispers sweet nothings in your ear … 

It’s his goal to make you feel appreciated , especially now that you’re not feeling too well .

< You really do mean everything to me , y’know … ? 

I promise you darling , I’ll do all I can to help you feel better . > 

< Heh … this is already helping me a lot , sweetie ~

I just … I love you so much … thank you for being there for me . > 

[starryluminary]

Honestly I want to know your opinion on Nemma. Because honestly I don’t like the ship either and want to see if someone agrees with me.

Oh my god hiiii nerd-chocolate!! I will GLADLY detail why I don’t like nemma. Buckle up cause I’m not exactly normal about this subject

I will preface this by saying I understand why it’s Noah and Emma. I get why if Noah had to have a girlfriend it would be someone who would match his intellect and someone he could hold a competent conversation with. Logically, on paper, I understand. It’s not so much the concept of Noah and Emma dating that I dislike, it’s the execution. The development of the relationship was a train wreck. HERES WHY!!!

From the very beginning Nemma showed problems. The Noah that couldn’t play a game of dodgeball for $100,000 and was so standoffish he could only make a good friend in Owen is now suddenly falling in love at first sight with a girl that did a front flip and I’m just supposed to accept it at face value??

You could argue that it’s been three years and a person could change in three years. I’d like to argue back: this is a cartoon. If the development happened offscreen, it didn’t happen. Noah had a drastic change in personality out of nowhere because they give us no reason to believe otherwise. This is just the beginning. It’s all downhill from here, honey.

This is very much subjective and a personal thing but do you know how irritating his face is.

It makes me ill. Who is this.

Back on track, Noah is out of character the rest of his time competing (not that he was perfectly in character to begin with.) Both the way he treats Owen and how he acts regarding Emma is not believable to me. He’s tragically mean to Owen almost the entire time and he’s insufferably… inconsistent? When it comes to Emma? Like they didn’t exactly have pinned down how he should act when he’s in love so it changes with every episode.

[I did a bit of research regarding the more important Nemma episodes and their writers, but couldn’t draw any good conclusions from it. I did find out Laurie Elliot wrote both Slap Slap Revolution from World Tour (notorious for the most significant Noco moments of the season) and New Beijinging (where Nemma is at its worst in my opinion.) This isn’t all that relevant but it IS fucking hilarious. The writer responsible for “Cody’s got a tiny sausage!” being made to (co) write a Nemma episode and subsequently butchering it is reeeeeally funny to me.]

On the topic of New Beijinging. I cannot watch this episode uninterrupted and it’s because of Nemma. I despise it. It’s not that I don’t believe Noah would act like a bumbling fool in love… in concept. In CONCEPT, I can buy the failed one liners and the speaking your thoughts out loud and the acting out to try and impress her. In practice it’s so painful to watch. The Noah that said he’s incapable of being embarrassed in his WT biography is now spitting hot food in his love interests face and physically recoiling every time he tries to talk to her. I can’t express through text the pain and anguish it causes me.

This is ALSO after giving her a suave one liner in the previous episode. How does he go from cool and collected to cringing at her I- AAAGGHHHH.

They don’t suddenly get better when the feelings are mutual, either. They just become insufferable together and it’s tragic. This is specifically about Māori or Less and Got Venom? (though admittedly I haven’t gotten that far in my rewatch and don’t remember Got Venom? too vividly. I do know they’re annoying in it even to Owen and Kitty so.) They just become so infatuated with each other they forget the rest of the world exists and while I enjoy the CONCEPT……… it just manages to drag down both characters. At least they treat Emma with a little more respect and have her snap out of the haze to play the damn game but THEY END UP KNOCKING OUT NOAH INSTEAD. Pain agony suffering and woe. Noah going catatonic and leaving Owen to struggle is the worst it gets but he still never truly focuses on the game and even hopes to get kicked off. He won’t even play for Owen.

Do I even have to mention Owen. My poor guy Owen. Owen suffers an unnecessary amount for Nemmas development. It hurts my heart even thinking about it but I’ll list off examples. Ways Owen has suffered for the sake of the relationship include:

Being made to carry dead weight (Noah) on more than one occasion.

Being used as a flotation device, offered by Noah to Emma, after being frozen solid.

Being forced to wait for the sister team, making his team go from first place to seventh.

Being victim to Noah’s snark and insults, which he does to either impress Emma or to reprimand Owen because of something Emma related.

LOSING THE RACE CAUSE NOAH COULD ONLY FIND THE ENERGY TO MOVE WHEN HE WAS OFFERED A KISS FROM EMMA.

(Side note: have I ever mentioned that RR Noah is my enemy? I feel like I don’t mention it enough)

To wrap this up, I do genuinely believe Nemma could have been great. I don’t hate Nemma cause I thought Noah was gay, or I’m a Noco shipper, or any other superficial reason. I hate it cause it’s a terribly written relationship that had to completely destroy my favorite character of the series to try and make it work. It’s a damn shame, really. I wish I could look past how different Noah is and how badly he treats Owen and how sickly annoying he and Emma can be and just, at the very least, tolerate Nemma. But I can’t, and I never will.

[numericalbridge]

About Darius taking responsibility for the Emerald Entrails in ASIAS

>This is absolutely a headcanon reading based on overthinking and overanalyzing minute details. I don't think the creators had actually thought any deeper than moving the plot and emotional bits from one place to another when they made Darius collect the kids (and it's ok, i think there are several very intentional moments that point to Darius being a good guy in that episode, and those are more important, but that's a topic for a different meta).

>But since the fandom has no problem using headcanon readings based on outright absense of information to paint Darius in the worst possible light, and everyone takes it as THE canon, why can't I write a positive interpretation? At least i realize that my reading is not the ultimate canon, and i try to somewhat base it on what information we have about the characters and the world😁.

So, when Hunter calls Darius, why does Darius even go out of his way to call the scouts and then collect the kids personally?

He certainly doesn't have to do it. He can tell Hunter that it is Hunter's own responsibility to deal with the potential recruits, or he can just stall for time and arrive much too late because "he was busy". Wouldn't it be better if Hunter fails to apprehend the children - both for the interests of the rebellion and for Darius's personal gratification, especially IF Darius is constantly as spiteful towards Hunter as he was just after he saw the previous Golden Guard's sigil? (If it is Darius' usual attitude wouldn't he also be spiteful in the phone scene, or gleefully telling Hunter to finish the mission by himself, instead of just acting annoyed/exasperated? Hmmm... but this is also a topic for another meta.)

From Darius' perspective what would happen if he doesn't collect the kids/the scouts don't collect the kids?

The likely scenarios are:

Either Hunter actually convinces someone to join the Covens - and it's not the best thing from the rebellion's perspective or moral grounds, but it can't be a lot of recruits, and there is a recruiting campaign going on anyway, so bothering with them might be unecessary. Or Hunter causes a scene and possibly someone - either he or other kids - gets hurt; maybe even teachers and parents and random scouts get involved. Actually a potential scandal like this might be a bad PR for the Emperor's Coven or cause a divide between the Emperor and his nephew (i assume that most people who know that they are related also think that Hunter is the heir to the throne), so, again, is it necessary to bother?

But Darius choses to get involved, even though at the moment it might be better not to attract attention to himself - both because of the rebellion, but also just in general potentially getting tangled in some public scandal won't be great, right? Especially with the front Darius puts on of someone who doesn't care and hates to be bothered. So why does he decide to get involved? Maybe you can say that he thinks that afterwards Hunter might shift the blame on to him for giving him the mission. Only Darius is planning to let the children go anyway, and that's something that he can be potentially blamed for (if Hunter doesn't change his mind), so it doesn't seem like he is afraid of it. So, instead, maybe he gets involved because he has morals and doesn't want the children - whether the random kids or Hunter - to get hurt.

And, while we don't know how exactly Darius's teleportation ability works (there should be some limitations obviously), he can probably sneakily teleport the kids away from the cells without anyone noticing. Then he doesn't need to be publicly involved. Just have the random scouts who guarded them take the fall... But maybe Darius is willing to take the full responsibility for those children, instead? Maybe he even realizes that the whole situation was caused by him and sees it as his responsibility to fix it without anyone getting hurt.

Also, if the kids just escape on their own, they will likely involve their parents/teachers, and there might be a real search for them by the scouts/Hunter/EC. And, again, it's bad publicity for the government, but in theory it's won't be a bad situation for the Empire's enemies... except that maybe Darius doesn't want to see the kids get hurt.

So, what was his original plan before Hunter intervened on the Blimp?

With the previous part in mind, while i think it is possible that Darius could have planned to let the kids escape once they were closer to Hexside (or more like, i don't think the writers thought very deep about it). I think it's more likely that he would have let them attempt to escape several times, stop the attempts (though he might've underestimated them, lol), then he would declare them unsuited for the Coven and drop them off at school. Then they know that they are free to go because the authority figure let them go, only Darius would likely need to explain himself in the Castle about his decision and why he went against the Golden Guard's judgement.

And I think his plan after the Blimp crashed was the same: if Hunter doesn't intervene Darius scares them, 'decides' they are unfit for the Covens and lets them go. (I know the fandom decided he was actually full on angry in that scene, but i had that scene screenshoted for drawing, and he was already smiling while 'fighting' Willow, and he could have easily incapacitated/restrained them with the abomination - he had a big abomination right behind them - if he wanted; but instead the abomination was just surrounding the kids' rather gently with its arms. Bonus: I like how Darius wasn't even restraining them on the Blimp at all, only the palismen).

Conclusion?

So according to this reading, Darius is taking full responsibilty for the children, even while he knows there might be questions about his judgement and why he overrode the Golden Guard's authority, even when it is easier to just do nothing and simply let Hunter fail or have Hunter and the scouts take the fall for the escape.

And, maybe he only cares about the other children, and Hunter isn't on his mind, but... somehow he isn't really spiteful or gleeful about the situation when he talks to Hunter from the Blimp (after he just collected the kids from the cell). Maybe he throws the cloak at Hunter in a mean way and looks somewhat strict, but mostly he looks sad and disappointed. [And that scene was absolutely intentional imo, and the first time i watched it that's what made it clear to me that Darius wasn't 100% on the Emperor's side, but again a topic for another time.] And if Darius was always acting the way fandom portraits him, he could have easily put down Hunter's judgement right there too, in public, just gleefully mock him and his recruitment attempt right there (or at least look smug that Hunter confirmed his previous judgement). Then tell the other children to get out of his face, not bother delivering them back by himself.

Idk, to me all this doesn't look like the behaviour of a character who is knowingly complicit in child abuse.🙄

[unwelcome-ozian]

Hi, hope you’re doing well. This is hard to talk about for me, so apologies if this doesn’t make a lot of sense.

I have diagnosed DID, specifically polyfragmented, with a very large inner world that we have very little access to from the surface, and when we have, it’s been clear that there are a lot more layers to our DID and trauma than we’re aware of now, or that parts of our brain will let us be aware of, despite being aware of around 90 different alters now. From what we do remember about our childhood trauma it doesn’t make sense for our DID to be this complex. But even before we were aware of the DID we’ve felt like there was something outright sinister that happened to us when we were a baby/toddler, every time the thought resurfaces we try to dismiss it as paranoia but it always comes back. I know we’ve spent hours reading about RAMCOA and TBMC, but the actual information we read always gets blocked out almost entirely. Reading about it makes me feel like I’m going to have a panic attack and I don’t understand why- reading about it just now I started shaking uncontrollably and having heart palpitations, then tearing up- obviously it’s an upsetting topic and should be to most people, but it feels triggering in a way that is personal, and I don’t know why. I vaguely remember that almost every time we’ve read about it, after initially panicking, we intensely age regress and/or it brings out a shell alter, both of which usually only happen after we are either extremely badly triggered or have just experienced something actively traumatic. I forgot about this for years, but typing this just now made me remember that the breaking point of my mental health that caused me to spiral so bad I dropped out of high school wasn’t getting diagnosed with DID in itself, although that was a factor- i think the biggest factor that made me spiral so bad that it brought out highly unstable alters and alters so heavily age regressed that we were unable to function for months and started failing school, was reading about RAMCOA and TBMC for the first time. I don’t know why I keep coming back to reading about it, panicking and then forgetting later. I feel like I’m being irrational for being afraid that something like this happened to me, because it’s not like there’s any evidence. I don’t remember spending a lot of time away from my parents as a very young kid outside of preschool and church, but my memories of both of those things are very hazy, and I feel like there’s probably a lot I don’t remember. When I try to think about any of this now, in the background of my mind I hear sobbing, screaming, thoughts of SH. And the feeling that someone else (idk who) will hurt me. If I try to access memories of my early childhood that feel like they could be related to this, I get someone in my brain saying “stop” repeatedly and then I can’t even remember what I was thinking about (or trying to) at all, just that it was there. It makes me feel like I’m crazy because I want to believe that it’s highly unlikely that anything like this could have happened to me, I don’t have enough reason to believe that it did. But if nothing like that happened to me, why the hell am I so badly triggered by reading about it? I’ve experienced a lot of SA as an older kid, teen, adult that I do at least somewhat remember, but not even hearing someone graphically recount an experience of SA with details similar to my own experiences has this much of an immensely triggering and destabilizing effect on me. Iirc whenever this comes back up I try to convince myself it’s just psychosis, I’m just delusional and I want my trauma to be worse than it is. But that doesn’t make sense- if I just wanted my trauma to be worse than it actually was, I probably wouldn’t be so desperate to come up with another explanation for why I’m so triggered by these topics? I think in saying all this I’m really hoping that you might have other potential explanations, but I’m open to whatever your thoughts are.

Sorry that this kind of just turned into a long rant, I don’t remember where I was originally going with this or what the point of all this was. I’m not really sure what I’m asking for, I guess I just haven’t felt like I’ve been able to talk about this to anyone who would actually take my concerns remotely seriously.

Only you can sort out what occurred. 

Being triggered is a symptom of trauma. Responses to trauma are very individualised. Reading things about trauma/abuse can lead to the responses you described. 

Here's a link to a document that may help when you're triggered.

Managing Your Triggers Tool Kit

Take Care,

Oz

[existentialsophism]

Ok so I’m gonna post this here bc my mom is giving me the silent treatment and it might hit (maybe idk it’s very long)

Neurodivergent Ramblings

I had so much shit as a kid like being told I was off topic and absent minded and wandering around the classroom and yet somehow nobody had me evaluated for anything???? You have a master’s in child development and you never saw this coming??? You fucking moron!!! I lost friends and my grades failed because of that. I had to figure out why I was so weird on my own while I was being constantly bullied and manipulated for being different. I learned to hate myself before I even learned how to socialize. I wasn’t physically abused but the mental strain of masking and trying to pay attention in classes was so draining I almost killed myself several times once I got to college. It’s made me wonder if life is even worth living. And now I find something that works and I’m not even guaranteed that I’ll be able to continue because I’m not a cishet upper middle class white boy who will perfectly slot into the diagnostic criteria. That and all my shit overlaps and is impossible to separate. And now that I know shit is wrong with me I can’t even fucking access the shit that makes it better. Oh you mean I need someone to professionally tell me I can’t focus in class?? I FUCKING KNEW THAT HOW STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM YOU ASSHOLES?????? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU THAT YOU HAVE THESE RESOURCES THAT I CAN’T EVEN USE BECAUSE A DOCTOR DIDN’T CERTIFY THAT I’M NOT LYING ABOUT BEING DISTRESSED BY THIS????? DO I FUCKING LOOK DISTRESSED ENOUGH TO YOU??? I’M FUCKING CRYING OVER THIS AND YOU THINK I’M LYING OR SOMETHING???? I get not distributing stimulants without a diagnosis, I get it. But if the thing helps, and you’re a doctor who can control its dispersal, why don’t you just do it anyway??? I’m not even guaranteed a diagnosis because even though I have all of the symptoms it’s apparently not good enough for a self-assessment which doesn’t take into account the fact I also have autism and those two overlap/cancel each other out, which means I’m not guaranteed to get the shit I know would allow me to function like a normal fucking person.

No wonder I’ve never been able to relax, that’s an adhd thing. Even during sex or something I can’t relax, every single action is intentional because I have 15 separate thoughts at once about whether or not I’m doing enough or what I could do to make the other girl feel good too or whatever. I hate it. I want to just turn my brain off and be puppy, but I can’t. I have the autistic inability to turn my brain off and the adhd inability to relax. And it’s exhausting. I get headaches a lot from the sheer mental effort it takes to be alive. I’ve been awake for an hour and I think I’ve done more thinking than the average person does in their whole week. How lovely it would be for my mind to be quiet. Or even just for me to be able to control it. I can’t control my own mind so I try to control everything else in my life and get distressed when I can’t. I usually try to channel it into helping my friends and the people I love but I’m bad at that so it doesn’t even work.

I never really struggled academically as a kid because class wasn’t that challenging and I was privileged enough to have had a really strong foundation. That allowed me to look like I was actually able to hang in school when really I was just good at taking tests and not much else. I constantly forgot homework and materials for class even with my mom reminding me and half packing all of my stuff for me, I’d forget about projects until the night before, I’d have trouble with little details in later math classes which resulted in me not doing as well as I could have, it’s all shit that is part of adhd that not a single person thought to tie back to it. Because apparently you can only have adhd if you’re struggling in school or some shit. The autistic ability to control my actions didn’t help either since I could just mask everything “abnormal” about myself for my own mental and physical safety, which further contributed to everyone around me thinking nothing was wrong, and now everyone thinks I’m just trying to be trendy or label totally normal neurotypical experiences. Somehow they think that my suffering is just for attention or something?? Why would I choose to be like this? I hate it! It’s a disability! Why would I choose to be disabled?? I don’t get why neurotypical people think they can bully kids for being weird and then tell them everything they’ve been bullied for their entire life is normal actually. Why am I being gaslit by the entire world?

[goldenpinof]

Yeah in my opinion Phil would still be up for some dapg and podcast and regular joint content and whatnot because he knows that 1) their audience (at least what’s left of it) loves it, 2) HE loves it, 3) Dan loves it. The problem is the usual: Dan wants to do something big and important so he can be taken seriously or whatever, but let’s be real — his attempts so far have led to mixed responses. The book? Wasn’t that great, we can say it now. DD? Still trying to figure out what it was for other than promo for the tour (and the content itself wasn’t good and so 2016). I still can’t believe he decided to ditch the gaming channel and joint content for *gestures vaguely* that. I wish him well and I’ll always root for him, but he really needs someone to give him career advice

i can't believe you're pulling me back with this shit redhgfs i was peacefully existing for weeks not thinking about Dan's failing career ffs. god help me!

RIGHT!!!!! all of what you said! not only career advice but also a reality check, and i mean it in a very nice way. i guess we can agree that he grew out of youtube and doesn't want to do it anymore (partially because of what happened with youtube originals. fuck them). and that's okay. and wanting something bigger, more serious, conceptual, and right for him is also okay. i support that. but every piece of, let's say, work he was trying to do outside youtube turned out to be tied to youtube anyway. and not because he wasn't trying hard enough (well, debatable), but because most of his experience that he is willing to talk about is either already mentioned on the platform or happened because of his youtube career. and also it's the best place to promote whatever he is doing, so he can't escape it unless he hires a marketing team and invests thousands of dollars in a real promo campaign. PHYSICAL as well (non-existent billboards and posters for wad shows will haunt me to death).

the book. i have a question (lots of them, but whatever). have you read it? and if yes, was it interesting from a fan's pov? and god, would i love to know the opinions of people who aren't familiar with Dan and his content. i bought the book in 2021, can't make myself read it because i'm afraid to get annoyed at him repeating himself.

yeah, i also can't believe he is too fucking stubborn to return to what clearly works for us and him with Phil. because it can be a side thing, and he can focus on his stand-up bullshit at the same time. on the other hand, i watched Lilly's interview with Anthony about how her late night show was taking ALL of her time and she couldn't continue to make youtube content. and i thought, maybe Dan is in the same situation. his new projects take everything? but there's a difference! he is not shooting 2-3 episodes per day. and for wad he delegated lots of work to other people. some of them did a shitty job, but that's a different topic. that's why i would pay my own money for dnp to talk about the work processes in detail. that could explain where all these weeks and months go. dd was shot within a few months, partly during the tour. so even that didn't take that much time. and i know there are scripts, and logistics, and rehearsals, and pitches to networks or whatever, and he is probably doing a lot of manager's work himself sometimes. but damn, math is not mathing.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #139

Today passed by in kind of a blur. I thought I might try to sing today. I thought I might try to play Elden Ring today. Somehow, I managed to fail at getting around to either of these things.

But that's all right. Instead, I made a tea. Today, it was matcha with toasted rice, sweetened with honey and cream. Please give a warm hello and maybe some nice scritches to Mogwai as you peruse these:

Br visited today and that was very good. She was in a very depressed, anxious, and generally tumultuous state when she came. So we had a lot of hugs and conversation, and I tried to help her in whatever ways I could. At some point when her appetite returned a little, I went ahead and made her some rice with natto, eggs, and kimchi:

I made bowls for her, for J, and for myself. Br had never had duck eggs, and we had two left, so I prepared one duck egg and one chicken egg for her, so she could compare the two. And for J, he also got one duck egg and one chicken egg. I made myself two chicken eggs, and I made the yolks nice and runny, and they flavored the rice very nicely when I mixed everything up! Br seems to feel a little better now; my house tends to have that effect on people, I guess.

...This combination of ingredients makes for a very wholesome bowl of deliciousness. I really wish you were here so that I could have prepared a bowl for you. I'm sorry that these pictures and these words are the best I can do for you.

At some point, I fixed more of my writings in this space; I've added cuts up until my 90th letter to you. Tomorrow, I intend to fix up to number 120, and then I'll be almost caught up. I came across some really good ones as I trundled along with the fixing...

How to use box breathing to come out of a panic:

How to use singing as a coping skill to prevent flashbacks before they start:

A couple of letters detailing a realization I had, and calling you to do the work to re-wire your neurons:

A framework for challenging self-destructive beliefs, also known as REBT:

And a letter explaining all about what ACEs are and how they affect people:

...I can't believe I have written this many. I wonder how many I'll have written by the time you're safe and well again. I wonder if you'd still want me to write to you after that, if by some small miracle you're even able or willing to read these at all... Hm...

M was out getting his car inspected. But he ended up twisting and spraining his ankle in the parking lot when he was walking to his car on his way home. I can relate strongly to his pain; having Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and dyspraxia at the same time, I end up spraining my ankles often enough simply because I have no idea where my feet are and my cartilage is extra stretchy to the point that it can't really keep my bones together very well, so when I make mistakes with the walking, it's VERY easy for my foot to bend way too far, and then the surrounding muscles get super pissed.

As you might imagine, I've had to treat myself for this a lot, so when M told me what happened, I knew what to do; I wrapped a compression bandage around the affected ankle, gave him some ibuprofen to take down the swelling, elevated his leg, and gave him some ice to stick on it. He'll be okay in a week or two, and I'll keep an eye on it diligently, so no worries; he's in good hands, I promise!

I felt the need to be semi-attentive to the the folks in my house following this, so I did some writing while generally trying to keep alert to other people's needs. I'm hoping to either sing the song or play some Elden Ring tomorrow, or maybe both if I get lucky! I wonder if you'd watch me do these things, or even participate in doing these things, if you were here... I hope you would. It'd be fun, I think.

...I don't have much else for you today, so I guess I'll stop writing before I end up rambling, haha. As always, thanks for reading.

I love you. Please stay safe out there. I'll write to you again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[loregoddess]

Final (maybe?) batch of assorted Octopath Traveler II theories and observations before TotK drops (I promise I am not procrastinating something else ~ <3). Divided into sections based on topic, but there's no meaningful organization, it's more just a list of some of my other theories and thoughts.

As usual, major spoilers for everything including the endgame. I'm still not trying to argue for or against any particular theory, I'm just herding the stray thoughts in my head. So as usual, all theories are based on my own reading of the text, nothing's canon or word of god, it's all wild speculation and good fun.

Following sections include:

-Addendum to my "Temenos is related to the Alpates blodline" theory

-Theory about Roi and the bloodline of light

-Speculations on why Throne isn't the vessel for Vide

-Possible typo in one of Ori's Journal entries which might be causing a misunderstanding of what occurred during this one event

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Addendum to My Theories About Temenos (specifically that he's related to the bloodline of Alpates)

-I totally forgot to note that his name, "Temenos", is the Greek word for the sacred land around a temple (yes this is like giving a character the name Churchyard or something, like this is just the name for a type of land, but it's Greek so I guess it sounds fancy?) ahem, anyhow, odd name choice aside, if Temenos was related to Alpates, but not the main bloodline, then he is, in a sense, the "land" that surrounds the sacred temple (the relic mirror) in that he is blood-related but not the direct bloodline of Alpates.

-An argument against this theory: Both Hikari and Elena are canonically known descendants of bloodlines of light which may be related to the bloodline of Alpates, and both exhibit unusual light-based powers because of this. Hikari's "Shadow's Hold" becomes "Light's Radiance" when he is finally able to conquer his shadow self, and Elena is shown to have some sort of unusual power (discussed in detail later on). Alpates herself doesn't show any unusual powers like this, although she is able to "see" the Flames in both Throne and Temenos, suggesting she either has some sort of very strong spiritual power, or that her ties to Aelfirc allow her a connection to the Flame itself outside of what the average person is able to sense. The counter-counterargument to this would be that, after completion of Temenos's personal story, he learns the EX skill "Heavenly Shine" which is essentially an explosion of light, and the most powerful light-based attack in the game, which could be his version of Hikari's Radiance or Elena's mysterious magical powers.

-----

I didn't discuss it in my other post, but Roi could also potentially be related to the bloodline of light, if only because it's heavily implied that he and the Dark Entity are the same being. It could be that Roi was used by Harvey as an early attempt to find the One True Magic, but that Roi's blood wasn't "pure" enough, leaving the Dark Entity. It's also possible Roi has no connection to the bloodline of light, but that this lack of connection is what made him transform into the Dark Entity as a Harvey's failed attempt at creating the One True Magic. It could be that, by the failure of Roi, Harvey was able to come up with the methods to turn Rita into the Grieving Golem, a more "perfect" attempt at creating the One True Magic, since her blood is of the Lumina family line and either more pure or powerful than Roi's. There's also a handful of minor similarities between the Grieving Golem and the Dark Entity, and notably both repeat phrases they used when they were alive (the Golem's use of "my darling" when encountering Osvald, and the Dark Entity's repetition of the last words Roi spoke to Temenos).

It's interesting to note that, as far as Osvald and Temenos are aware at the start of their respective stories, Rita and Roi are both dead. For Osvald this is apparent, since his entire story arc begins as a vengeance quest and how Rita "died' is clearly shown. But this isn't as obvious for Temenos, as he only mentions that Roi was "killed" in his Crackridge Travel Banter with Agnea, which is...odd since Roi's body shouldn't have been recovered if it was used to create the Dark Entity, and yet Temenos is very much aware of the fact that Roi is no longer alive. How this came about is never explained, so it's possibly an oversight by the writers, but it is something interesting to note.

-----

I've been puzzling over why Throne is not the vessel for Vide in any way, despite the entire point of the Blacksnakes being Claude's attempt to foist the role off to his "best" offspring.

-One explanation could be that, since Throne was "chosen" by Aeber, the Flame she carries within her soul negates her blood ties to Vide.

-It's also possible there was Something going on with Marietta, her mother. Possibly Marietta had blood ties to one of the branches of Alpate's bloodline of light--although if this were the case, Throne should have been in a situation similar to Hikari, and she's clearly not.

-Actually, the fact that Throne does not struggle with the Shadow in any way, especially looking at how Hikari struggles with the Shadow due to his blood ties to D'arqest, suggests her blood connections to Vide are actually quite weak at best. It could be that Claude being biologically engineered (for lack of a better term) to be Vide's vessel was not hereditary.

-Throne is also shown to actively dislike violence and hates bloodshed. She's also the only Blacksnake stated to have not been raised by Mother, and Father was notably raising her specifically to kill him rather than to take over the Blacksnakes. So in a sense she was never raised as a "true" Blacksnake. That she was able to kill both Mother and Father, and then make her way to Lostseed and kill Claude could be more testament to Throne's personal strength and the fact that she was intent on ending the Blacksnakes for her freedom, to get away from the violence and bloodshed, rather than to wrest control of the Snakes by besting the founder. This would make her unsuitable as a vessel for Vide because she does not commit violent acts as a means of attaining power and spreading chaos, but rather to break free from a cruel structure of power and end the chaos caused by it.

-It's also possible that there is no actual need for a "right" vessel, but that Claude was meant to be a "perfect" vessel because he is functionally immortal, and would have been significantly harder to kill if Vide had used him to return. However, Ori's Journals suggest that it doesn't really matter who the vessel is, and considering that Oboro is able to sacrifice himself and become the vessel, this seems to ring true. Notably, Oboro as Vide's vessel is weak enough that Vide is sealed away by eight mortals chosen by the gods, rather than needing to be sealed by the gods themselves. I thought for a bit that Vide's revival might be connected to how Vados's murders were supposed to be a reversal of the order of prayers to summon a curse, but I haven't actually found any evidence to support this, since no dancer dies after Lucien is murdered, and a merchant would have had to die last (with Ori being strongly suggested to be the "merchant" of the Moonshade order) but it's more likely that Arcanette, the "cleric", is canonically the last death before Oboro's self-sacrifice (and he's the "warrior"). So it seems more like Vide's revival has nothing to do with sacrifices and the order of prayers, and that the vessel can be any person who has given up on the dawn.

(Although I will note that the actual facts about the gods are extremely fuzzy, especially taking what little we know about them from Orsterra into account, so it's hard to tell how accurate the legend of Vide being sealed as recounted by Temenos is when compared to however events may have actually happened. These same gods were somehow also responsible for sealing Galdera away in Orsterra without much consequence, but were nearly killed in Solistia while sealing Vide. The Kal also notably seem to have a cult around the Flame itself and no associated gods, so that brings into question whether Aelfric and the Flame are connected or not, and if they are then exactly how. Unfortunately there's nothing in-game to really explain or expand the mythology of the pantheon which Aelfric leads, and even trying to take the shaky lore from CotC into account does little to elucidate exactly how this pantheon works).

-----

Speaking of Ori's Journal's, there's been one entry in particular that keeps confusing me, and that being the entry in which Ori states that Harvey escaped alive...somehow. This is the quote I'm referring to specifically:

I found a nice, cozy place to conceal myself, and sure enough Osvald showed up. Just as predicted, the two fought it out, and I was able to retrieve the Book of Demons in the wake of their battle. There was one surprise, however: Harvey escaped alive.

What was that bright flash of magic? A glimpse of a force that may dwarf even that of the Book of Demons? That girl...Does she have some special power within her?

So, according to this Ori was camped out and saw the entire battle so she could snag the book, but then she says Harvey escaped which is...puzzling, since he very much appeared to be vaporized by his own magic. She also mentions a "bright flash of magic" which seems to be Elena's magic as per her blood connection to the Lumina family. I went and rewatched a playthrough of the post-battle cutscene, and I think I've found the "flash of light" Ori mentions. Here's a series of the best screenshots I could manage:

Harvey prepares his final spell and it begins to expand. Osvald is facing him, and Elena is passed out at the bottom center of the screen.

The magic continues to expand and gather in strength. We can no longer see Osvald but Elena is still visible.

As the magic reaches its peak power, we see several small lights appear in a circle around Elena at the bottom. These lights do not seem to match the magic that Harvey is casting since that is in a circle expanding from him, and it is Elena at the center of this circle of lights. After this the screen is awash completely in white before clearing to reveal...

Osvald holding Elena, both safe, with Harvey nowhere to be seen. (Screenshot lightened a bit by me bc it was really dark and hard to make out).

So I think the writers...actually just made a mistake, and that it was supposed to be Osvald who mysteriously survived due to Elena's mysterious magic. It would make more sense in context of what actually occurs during this cutscene if Ori's Journal had read:

I found a nice, cozy place to conceal myself, and sure enough Osvald showed up. Just as predicted, the two fought it out, and I was able to retrieve the Book of Demons in the wake of their battle. There was one surprise, however: Osvald escaped alive.

What was that bright flash of magic? A glimpse of a force that may dwarf even that of the Book of Demons? That girl...Does she have some special power within her?

If written this way, the discussion of Elena's mysterious power follows a note about Osvald surviving a direct blast from the Book of Demons, which would make the question of whether Elena's power is greater than the Book of Demons make more sense, as it would suggest that it had been Elena's power that was directly responsible for Osvald's survival. We also know that the Moonshade Order was watching several the the Eight Travelers carefully, and wanted a few of them out of the picture, and so it would have been convenient if both Harvey and Osvald had died in this moment, but it makes the most sense for Elena's power to save Osvald since, even if her memory is currently suppressed, she still loves him as her father subconsciously, and love is one of the key theme's of Osvald's story arc.

I dunno if any of this has merit, but I am inclined to think the writers just got the names switched while writing the journal entries, if only because this would be the only way to have the journal match the events we're shown in-game.

-----

There was one other thing about a recurring narrative theme in every characters' story that I wanted to note, but it started to get long enough that I'll probably make a separate post about it in the future at some point. Just...maybe sometime waaay in the future if I get distracted.

In any case, this about wraps up my shorter thoughts that I wanted to document. Again, I'm not trying to prove anything right or wrong, I'm just musing for the sake of musing.

Again, if you read all this, thanks!

[superman--yoosung]

hi hello! (◍ ´꒳` ◍) i happened to stumble upon your Genshin matchup event so i was wondering if i could participate?

— pronoun preference(s): she/they

— gender preference: male

— ballpark age preference: adult, but not Diluc please

— personality + morals/beliefs: i'm generally easygoing and patient, and often mistaken for an extrovert because of how friendly i can be. i've been told i'm very easy and calming to be around, however, i love my alone time more than socialising. i also have a bad habit of nagging people when i'm worried about them but can rarely spare a thought for myself ^^; i believe in what goes around comes around, both in its negative and positive meaning, so i try to do what i think is right while not wasting energy on stupid/mean people (sometimes it's hard though sigh)

— likes + dislikes: i love languages, and folktales (especially those that have eerie or unsettling undertones to it, same goes for books). i'm majoring in english right now as well! i also love, writing, dogs, flowers and stargazing.

as for dislikes, i don't like cold weather, extremely loud places like large concerts, and being stuck in someone else's rythm (them deciding on everything, listening to only them talk etc.)

— what vision you think you would have and why: perhaps electro because i feel like i'm often in my own dream world that i'm trying to lightly assimilate into my life.

— embarrassing moment from your life: as a kid i used to think you can actually fly with your umbrella like Mary Poppins if you jumped from a high enough place (places i jumped from include: a big oak, a greenhouse roof and a piano)

— additional info: i can speak four languages (three fluently, one is still under work xD), think i'm good at singing although i'm actually not but sing aloud anyway, and really want to visit a big desert or a tundra and just look at a humongous sea of stars!

that's all, thank you so much! hopefully this wasn't too much info, i apologise if it was ^^; and naturally, no need to do this if you don't feel like it. take care and have a lovely day <3

Hello! Thank you for sending in your ask!! This was really fun to do since you have so many interesting small details!!

Your matchup is.................................................

Alhaitham !!

Your interests and expertise just align so well. It was inevitable that you eventually crossed paths, and the rest was history!

..... Sort of. Your personalities don't seem similar at first - others outside of your friend groups expect you to be far too extroverted for Alhaitham, who would much rather spend his time quietly on the things that interest him. But unbeknownst to them, that's exactly how you feel, too - why spend energy and time on folks and topics whose presence and example fail to bring positive influence into your sphere?

Perhaps that's what kept Alhaitham coming back to you - that kindred spirit, that appreciation for simpler joys in life, that depthless yearning to learn about what you love.

Either way, what began as a shared love of languages and academic pursuits eventually morphed into something more between the two of you.

Fun details:

Electro + Dendro on the field means you two create some powerful reactions in battle!

When the weather gets cold, he'll always have your favorite warm drink ready and waiting by the time you get home. He won't let you wear his cape to stay cozy, though, so if you want it you'll have to steal it!

You probably get along with Alhaitham's friends better than he does!

Your evenings are usually spent quietly pursuing your interests in each other's presence; Alhaitham on one end of the couch reading a book, and you on the other finishing a paper or reciting new vocab for a language you're learning (and by the way, he'll chime in with a correction or critique now and then, too, because - of course he would)

You may nag him from time to time, and he'll usually follow your advice without question, as long as it's reasonable - but he'll always use that rational mind of his to point out when you've done so to your own detriment!

If you've forgotten to take care of yourself, he'll remind you to do so - he'll ask if you've eaten your meals, if you're sleeping well, whether you need to blow off some steam, etc. He tends to do so without a filter, though, so he tends to be blunt about it.

You, and only you, are allowed to regularly use his spare pair of noise-cancelling headphones.

If you suggest a visit to the desert or tundra or even just to go stargazing, he'll be happy to plan the entire trip with you - it gives him a reason to use his vacation days, and more importantly, it'll put a smile on your face for a week.

Your wild imagination is something that amuses him. Though he'll always logically point out the flaws in your daydreams, it's partly just to see your reaction. If you met as children, he definitely tagged along in your jumping shenanigans, but only to say "I told you so" when they inevitably didn't go how you hoped.

He doesn't make it a secret that he values your opinions, both academically and personally. He values your input and always takes it into account.

And what does he loves about you most? A simple question with a simpler answer: Your mind, which is both capable of highly logical thought as well as the most unrealistic of dreams. A juxtaposition he finds enthralling. He does also like to admire your frame in the moonlight, too, underneath all of those stars you so love - how the shadows cast along your shoulders, how your hair reflects the night's light.

~~I hope this is to your liking. I was very close to picking Zhongli for you because I thought he would be able to tell you the best folktales, but in the end I went with Alhaitham because I thought you shared some important views/interests. Have a good day~!

[hellfirebride]

oc info dump time !!

Gwen

Picrew depiction because the idea of trying to draw rn might kill me.

Gwen is a Death Note oc that's come up in some previous posts of mine (1, 2) as a former Wammy's resident who somehow weasels her way into working with the Japanese Task Force post time-skip. I haven't completely worked out all the details yet, but she probably acted as a foreign student attending the same classes as Sayu Yagami. From that point on, it's just a matter of using her new friendship with the girl to find her way in.

Gwen's got a place in the successor program, though she's very far from the ideal. It's extremely unlikely she would ever inherit the title of L because she's just not dedicated enough to taking up the mantle. Near and Mello wanted to succeed the man. Gwen couldn't find it in herself to decide her own fate, so she ended up just meandering down what's simultaneously the easiest and hardest path she could have chosen at Wammy's.

When it comes to it, she isn't particularly focused on finding Kira to bring him to justice, or to surpass someone else by finding him first. She'll help work on it if she could say she hasn't just been wasting her life in comparison to everyone around her. If she turns back, she thinks it means it's all been for nothing. (She can have a little sunk cost fallacy, as a treat)

At her core, Gwen's an amateur detective that's too afraid to admit that not only does she not know what she's doing with her life, but that she's failing at what she thought she might be able to do. She's not as clever as Mello, or as meticulous as Near. (If anything, she's probably more similar to Matt than either of them) There's absolutely notes of imposter syndrome buried in there.

She's definitely more emotionally driven than her peers, which is both a strength and a weakness in my opinion. It gives her different perspectives than those who would approach situations from a stricter, more logic-based route. At the same time, it's a potential distraction and she runs the risk of becoming too personally attached to her work. She's more outwardly friendly, something that makes her seem like she's ditzy at first (Think Elle Woods). In some cases, I think she would definitely use this to her advantage. She's not unintelligent by any means, it's just that most of her knowledge is spread out into a lot of different topics instead of any one specific topic.

She really did come to like Light, which is unfortunate. She's aware that becoming involved with him is a mistake and that they're both in the wrong, seeing as she's aware he's romantically involved with Misa (and later Takada) at the time. It's also a mistake considering he's an actual mass murderer, but

As for the rest of the task force, she's respectful of them. She understands that they're usually doing the best they can with what they have. The general response to her becoming friends with Matsuda is a lot of "Jesus, now there's two of them."

All of this is kinda just. Dumb stuff and me rambling. I guess I just wanted to share with anyone who might be mildly interested in this garbage because I think about it a lot.

[drawingconclusions]

MORE ON ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE

Artificial intelligence (AI) continues to surface in the news cycle on a weekly basis, and I continue to express concerns about this technology & how it's being addressed (or not addressed, to be more specific).

One of the arguments you'd hear from some of the proponents of AI a few months ago was a weak comparison to the introduction of the automobile. These proponents would claim (paraphrased) that as a society we didn't retire all the horses when the automobile was invented, so people shouldn't fear losing their jobs with the advent of artificial intelligence. Allow me to poke several holes in that argument. First of all, most horses here are domesticated and depend on humans for their shelter and food. Even if they lose their "jobs", so to speak, there's usually someone to look after them. And if worse comes to worse, they can always live off the land and eat grass, a thought that doesn't appeal to humans. (At least not to most of us.) I find many of the statements from some of these AI company CEOs to be just a little bit deceptive. While they claim that AI won't take away jobs from people, it's already happening here and abroad. Levi's infamously used virtual models for a recent photo shoot in the name of inclusiveness & diversity (instead of hiring human models of various races), the fast food companies are already introducing AI into their drive-thru processes, and I heard an overseas factory just laid off most, if not all, of its workers in favor of mechanized technology.

I wonder how many students will be bereft of much-needed income as a result of jobs lost to AI. I wonder how many single moms or elderly individuals on the brink of retirement have already been fired and replaced by this technology. Which is why I have almost no respect at all for the CEOs of these AI companies, and all their advanced degrees mean nothing to me: for all their technological prowess, they seem to have very little good sense. I repeat, can they not see the impending economic chaos that would result on account of mass layoffs & unemployment? Or do they actually want our society to be beholden to the government for our paycheck, in some kind of broad universal income ploy where we receive a stipend from the state (…with strings attached of course)?

You might think I'm fuming because I've lost a lot of work as an artist because of AI. Not quite. I've only lost one gig (at least, that I know of) due to this, and the project hadn't even been solidified yet. But I've heard of other artists whose cover work has almost completely dried up, for example. And that's a pattern that will likely be replicated across various creative spectrums in this new world of ai.

My concern is Congress is only just now beginning to hold hearings on this. And so far this administration has only provided a few nebulous guidelines on the AI and allotted, what hundreds of millions of dollars to a few new government research centers on artificial intelligence? Not sure why that's needed, but you can be sure there are people in government who would like to use AI for nefarious purposes, to either control, surveil, or collect data on its citizens. It's quite telling how many of the tech CEOs were tight-lipped about the details of their recent meeting with VP Kamala Harris. And it's enlightening how many of these tech executives are heading off to Europe for another highly secretive annual meeting. Sorry, but discussion on topics such as this should be completely open and transparent.

Sure, the CEO of OpenAI recently welcomed regulation for his industry in the hearing before Congress, but I'm not too impressed with that. If you recall, Facebook made a similar statement, and yet Congress hasn't done much to regulate the failings of the company in the years since. I don't have much time today, so instead I'll post a second article on my personal website to share a few ideas for addressing AI.

In closing, I realize that sometimes the church is often a late-comer to new technology, and other times, believers use tech in exactly the same way people outside the church do. Part of my frustration with many of these AI CEOs is the fact that they don't create software or release it based on a biblical perspective of doing good towards others. But as believers, we're supposed to be different, and in many instances, we're called to set a higher standard for others to follow. So if you use artificial intelligence in your church or business, take time to implement the proper privacy and security protocols. But also be sure you don't use it in the same cold, heartless manner in which many are employing it today.

[anony-mouse-writer]

have you actually watched the video? cuz h talks about it.

usually its either a) h talking about all of the steps on the way down the tripping hazard of a staircase of series like BBC sherlock or fallout 3 and directly comparing that piece of media to games of a similar series/release type/ect and talking about what caused the issues

or b) h talking about all the little details and easter eggs and flourishes and why that piece of media is so much fun and deserves love

the name of this series is actually “X is garbage/genius and here’s why”. there are two (2) ‘garbage’, three (3) ‘genius’, one (1) awesome, one (1) FINE, and one (1) disappointing and the shortest video of the lot is 43:49 on the topic of speedrunning (the awesome video if anyone was wondering) and the rest of them are all longer than 80 consecutive minutes of vaguely unhinged, well researched, and passionate dissection of the subject

the videos aren’t long cuz h loves the sound of his own voice either (probably). it’s not 2 hours of h talking about how dumb ruby looks eating shitty cookies like a sim. he talks about how rwby came to be in the first place, who was on the initial production team, how it was marketed and the hype leading up to the series, and the specific issues that made the show weaker. this isn’t a video that says “i hate watched a series and here’s my thoughts”, h is very deliberate in saying that he wanted rwby to succeed. he was the target demographic for this product when it came out. he is exactly the kind of nerd who loves the weird and convoluted story, but he’s also aware that they kinda fumbled the ball on this one. he spends like 5 minutes talking about how fucking cool the trailers are. he even makes a point in this video that he can’t use his traditional ‘x is garbage’ title that gets all the youtube clicks because he really likes a lot of what rwby brings to the table. h doesn’t make these videos because he hates rwby and wants it to fail, he makes them because he wanted to love it and he couldn’t. (except moffat in the sherlock video. i think he might actually hate moffat a bit.)

i cant say that all of his points are 100% correct or that i agree with all of them, and i cant speak for any of the dozens of clones of harris’ videos, “this kid show is garbage and here’s why” made by folks who aren’t willing to let a kids show be made for kids just because it happens to have one or two themes that struck with an older audience. but respectfully disagree. if anything, i think that for all tumblr really loves to bemoan the vapidness of disney’s never-ending line of summer blockbusters or the overall lack of media analysis and literary comprehension, these long form essays about how and why a story can succeed or fail in the execution are important. i’d personally argue that witty one liner tweets do more harm to our collective lit analysis than anything h has put out.

and in the spirit of citing my sources:

- the “and here’s why” playlist

- specifically the rwby video

- the youtube separation/video guide for the rwby video, if anyone was wondering how in depth/ unhinged h’s videos get

videos like this set society back 20 years and no im not kidding

[audreydoeskaren]

do you know Chinese symbolism for homosexuality?

tw homophobia, pedophilia

Hi again, for gay men there are a couple really well known ones but I’m not sure if they were real or fabricated, because all the articles describing them always cite the same couple sources from Antiquity... I tried to verify them but the only articles that didn’t copy and paste from the same source came across as extremely homophobic, so I decided to give up. The most common and reliable one is probably 断袖 or “cut sleeve”, which I mentioned in a previous ask. I would like to use this opportunity to talk about some tangential but more important topics regarding homosexuality in China though.

As a followup to my previous ask where I said I'd look through some Ming and Qing novels to see how homosexuality was perceived at the time, the conclusion I (unfortunately) came to was that homophobia was very much alive and well in Chinese literature and society. A lot of people like to argue that gay people fared pretty well in China historically by either pointing to emperors who were or were rumored to be gay or time periods where gay sex was prevalent as a form of consumption. This is extremely shallow and also kind of Orientalist in my opinion, these arguments always go for the emperors and do not take nuance into consideration or dive into wider societal discourses on homosexuality in imperial China. If you research homosexuality in Europe by only looking at royalty, you’ll find plenty of homosexual behavior too, does that mean gay people had it very easy in Europe historically?? Not to mention that they usually don’t differentiate between dynasties, let alone centuries or decades, even though public opinion on homosexuality in China (or anywhere in the world tbh) could change very quickly. This is also sort of Orientalist, assuming “imperial China” to be a never changing entity with a never changing stance on homosexuality. Since I know nothing prior to the Ming Dynasty I’ll share some of my random findings on homosexuality and homophobia in the Ming, Qing and 20th century.

Gayness as disease

Nowadays the symbol of the cut sleeve is just a benign historical allusion but historically it seems that it was used in a negative and condemning sense, implying that people thought of homosexuality as a disease or deviation from the norm. The common phrase used for the cut sleeve is "断袖之癖", usually translated as "the passion of the cut sleeve" nowadays, but the meaning of the word 癖 here leans more toward "fetish", "obsession" or "hobby" with pathological connotations. I thought maybe this word had a different, nuanced meaning historically but it seems that it was used to describe what it means :(( The only silver lining is probably that with the progression of language it isn’t offensive anymore.

In a lot of popular novels from the Ming and Qing, homosexuality was depicted as a "perversion" and a decadent lifestyle that plagues morality, and gay characters were often either killed or straightened out by the end of the story. An example of this is the story 黄九郎 Huang Jiulang from the series 聊斋志异 Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio by 蒲松龄 Pu Songling written in the 17th century. In this story, one of the protagonists was gay; he died after confessing his love to the other guy in a very fast paced bury your gays arc which somehow reminded me of the Supernatural finale, and reincarnated as a straight man because of his piety. Thanks I hate it. Pu uses the symbol of the cut sleeve to refer to the protagonist, presumably in a negative manner.

Gayness as power/status symbol

Another thing was that historically in China a lot of people confused homosexuality with pedophilia. This is a global thing, but its presence in China is often overlooked. This could be seen in the popularity of another term for homosexuality, "娈童", meaning something similar to "pederasty". I read somewhere that since the late Ming, pederasty was considered a type of tasteful consumption for high society, along with things like fashion, food, music and art. This was not equivalent to the "cut sleeve" or homosexuality as we know it nowadays, which refers to a personal sexual orientation, pederasty historically often refers to an imbalanced power dynamic where a wealthy, privileged man takes advantage of a young boy as a leisurely activity. It’s more to show off that someone in a position of privilege and wealth has the power to procure sexual objects, gender and age don’t matter much in this regard. I cannot help but cringe violently whenever someone brings up pederasty as proof of China’s historical “openness” toward gay people. Talk to me again when in this time and place you could marry someone of your sex (not a minor) and be considered a respectable couple instead of two jerks with a degenerate fetish (not saying that gay people have to marry, it’s just that the ability to do so is an important indicator of equality imo). Pedophilia and homosexuality are not one and the same good heavens.

I hypothesize that the reason why Chinese society was historically homophobic despite having no religious condemnation of homosexual individuals was the idea that having many concubines and male children was a status symbol for men. Women of marriageable age were seen more or less as commodities and male children could supposedly "continue the bloodline" 传香火 and were vessels for passing down prestige, so having them were of utmost importance to a privileged man. Being just gay or lesbian, however, meant that you didn't perform the "man strong working woman weak making babies" heteronormative family prototype, and was thus prone to criticism. When gay men didn’t have children they “couldn’t continue their bloodline” and were emasculated, when gay women didn’t have children they failed to “fulfill their duties as a woman” and were shamed.

It kind of makes sense considering how being bisexual was never a problem in comparison, especially for men. If you were a rich guy who had both male and female partners, you would still have children and concubines both male and female so nobody gives a shit. Emperor Zhengde of the Ming (reign 1505-21) was presumably bisexual and had both male and female lovers, nobody had a bone to pick with that; he famously liked to fuck around but those who criticized him did so for his debauchery instead of focusing on the gender of his partners.  This is different to homophobia in Europe where same sex attraction was considered evil and immoral in and of itself because of religious reasons, in China it was rather the other practical implications of homosexuality (not having children or a family) that attracted hate.

By the way can we just take a moment to talk about bi erasure in Chinese history. From all accounts of Emperor Zhengde I’ve read he comes across as extremely bisexual, but a lot of people try to make him a gay icon? I mean, he liked women too.

One interesting homophobic angle in ye olde China which I find kind of funny was straight women who wanted to climb the social ladder by marrying rich men talking shit about them after figuring out they were gay lmao. Historically, there were not so many work opportunities for women, so the easiest way to improve social standing was to marry a rich and powerful guy. Not saying that women didn't work, they did but their upward social mobility was restricted because they couldn't enter the imperial examination system which was how men became rich and powerful. This angle is relatively benign and kind of helps illustrate that historical Chinese homophobia was indeed fueled by classism and patriarchy.

Gayness as crime

I used to think that there were no anti-sodomy statutes in China (laws prohibiting sex between gay men), but it turns out that there was one decree in the Jiajing era (1521-67) and one in 1740, and private gay sex was not actually decriminalized until 1957. Same sex marriage is still not legal in China at time of writing. I couldn’t find detailed information on what these laws entailed or how they were enforced, but they’re enough to prove that homosexuality in China was legally punishable from the 16th century onward. On top of that, even when there was no law prohibiting private sex acts between people of the same sex, displays of gay affection such as kissing or holding hands could still be legally punished under “public indecency” or “hooliganism”, which was frequently what happened in the 20th century. 

[purpleyellow]

The audacity

Seventeen 14th member

Hayun’s masterlist

“Seventeen won’t take bs when it comes to Hayun”

Requested by: two (2) anons    

cw: offensive language

a/n: Feel free to share your thoughts with me. Requests are open! 💙

(to my brazilians around, this gif is svt’s version of ninguem solta a mão de ninguem)

The arrival of dancers made the practice room even more crowded and noisy than usual. It was one of the few times Seventeen worked with an outside dance team, and they happened to have a lot of new faces around, who needed time to figure out the staging and how things were working so far.

After they ran through the choreography a couple of times, the choreographer called in a break, allowing the huge group to instantly clear the middle space and separate themselves into small circles of conversations.

Seungcheol, Jeonghan, and Joshua instantly met each other and began chatting about dinner plans and whatnot. Slowly approaching Jun and Wonwoo, the oldest filled them in on what they're deciding until he starts searching for someone.

“So, we could order it on the next break and have someone grab it for us. Anyway, did anyone see Hayun?”

“Making friends, as usual,” Wonwoo comments, pointing at the other corner of the room where the girl was surrounded by four dancers.

“Hayun-ah” The leader waves her over and waits as she jogs to his side “We're talking about dinner, what do you think about-”

“Oh, those guys were talking about this new restaurant that opened downtown, I was thinking of tagging along with them” She points back at the group and watches as her members nod “But I can cancel, of course”

“No, go ahead. It's just a meal” Joshua goes to wave her off when Seungkwan approaches them with crossed arms.

“Yeah. Just a meal. Until she's suddenly ditching us during the holidays and moving out with her new friends” The boy pouts, turning his face away from the group. Hayun reaches up to ruffle his hair before landing a soft slap.

“Says the dude who is friends with half of the entertainment industry” Ignoring his eye roll, she turns back to the rest of their little huddle “Well, if nobody else will feel betrayed”

“I was kidding” Seungkwan whines and Scoups pushes her away from them “Stop being dramatic and go do your mingling”

Going back to the group of dancers, Hayun resumes chatting with them for a couple of minutes before the break is over.

After more hours of running over every tiny detail for the stage, the rehearsal finally ends and the scattering of people begins. Hayun takes a couple of minutes talking about minor adjustments with the members and just checking up on them before searching for the four friends she had made that evening.

“Hey, how do you guys plan on heading there?” She asks, taking a sip from her water bottle and missing the glances between the two boys and two girls.

“Actually, we might have to do it another day,” The girl closest to her says and flips a hair strand off of Hayun's shoulder. “We got pretty tired from this last session”

“And work tomorrow it's going to start pretty early, you know. It's best to let this go for today,” The boy nods to her before pulling out his phone from his pocket and slightly turning away from the idol.

“Yeah, I get it. That's okay, we'll reschedule it then” Hayun smiles and gives them a thumbs up “I'll head to the dorms, then. Have a good rest, and tomorrow we'll talk more”.

Sending her some quick waves and small smiles, the four dancers waited for Hayun to turn around before sharing an annoyed look and sighing.

The practice room slowly grows empty, only leaving Wonwoo and Vernon who lost an incredible game of rock, paper, scissors, and had to stay behind to clean up everything. Finally turning off the lights, the two boys head out into the hallway and spot a group of four people standing by the entrance.

“Aren't those the people Hayun was talking to earlier,” Vernon asks quietly before a voice from the group reaches them.

“Why is this damn cab taking so long? We should have let that airhead tag along”.

“Agreed. She would have talked our ears off, but at least we would have made it to the club already”.

Sharing a look, the two idols stop walking and listen closely to understand if the dancers are talking about what the boys think they're talking about.

“That was so stupid. Why would you invite her in the first place? She's so annoying”.

“I mean, having an idol considering you a friend would be fun, right? Especially with the Christmas season coming up. Can you imagine the gifts she would buy us?”

“Yeah, dude. We wouldn't even need to worry about paying for stuff anymore. Just have Hayun tag along anywhere and, boom, no more tabs to pay.”

“But also, no more functioning eardrums”

“No, you have a point. She seems like she'd give us her credit card password on the third time we hung out. Not to mention, looking at her position in contrast with ours. You don't even have to befriend her, but be on her good side, and she'll make sure to give us more gigs within Pledis”.

Standing frozen, Wonwoo and Vernon listened to everything they were saying and shared looks of disbelief. Having enough of it, the oldest cleared his throat and slung his bag, making it hit his own back with enough force to make a thumping sound.

“Let's go, Vernon,” He ignored the four people standing before them with wide eyes and resumed walking. Once shoulder to shoulder with one of the dancers, Wonwoo stopped again and said while looking ahead, “Next time, be careful of whom you're talking about”.

Vernon, on the other hand, made eye contact with each dancer before raising one eyebrow and following the oldest. After closing the car door, he groaned annoyed, “Can you believe they had… ”

“… the fucking audacity” Jeonghan places his cup on the table, face showcasing utter disgust after Wonwoo told him what they had listened before leaving the Pledis building.

“Show me who those people are again tomorrow. I'll make sure they never step inside our practice room, ever again,” Hoshi points out.

“Is there a way of not having them tomorrow? I'm afraid Scoups Hyung might commit murder” Dokyeom brought attention to the leader standing on the corner of the kitchen.

Looking like he was plotting an illegal act, Seungcheol scoffs and pushed himself away from the cabinets. “The bare minimum you would expect from someone is that they can be professional. I swear, those people are getting an earful for talking about Hayun within a billion-meter ratio from where I work”.

“It's best to let it rest until tomorrow's performance is done. After we'll probably never see them again, so there's not much point causing any visible disturbance.” Laying a hand on the leader's arm, Woozi tried to make some sort of sense, but all it did was cause Scoups to roll his eyes.

“We can't just act like nothing happened”

“We also can't change anything about the choreography until then” Hoshi butts in and takes a breath trying not to jump in the 'let's hunt them down' train.

“They already know Wonwoo and Vernon heard them trash-talking her, so I'm not letting them have it easy tomorrow.” Jeonghan rolls his eyes and pointed to both Woozi and Hoshi, “I'm speaking my mind the first moment I see those sons of bitches, you're free to wait until the show's over”.

“About that, I don't think we should tell Hayun what happened” Joshua, who had been quiet the entire time, speaks, drawing attention to him. “Not until, as you said, the show is over, and we won't see them again. You know that she's probably going to get disappointed about it”.

“And you expect her to not go running to meet her new 'friends' once we arrive at the venue?” Wonwoo raises an eyebrow, but Mingyu shakes his head and backs the older up.

“We just have to keep her entertained around us. Fill in Dino, Seungkwan, and Myungho later, and have them help with making sure the group doesn't run into her”.

Raising his hand, Vernon casually mumbles “Maybe don't tell Seungkwan, he won't be able to hide his feelings about the whole thing”

“Myungho won't either” Jun comments and the room falls silent at the sound of the remaining members chatting and approaching the kitchen.

“Wow, you make a meeting and forget to call in the main characters” Hayun laughs walking through the room and opening the fridge for a beer “So, when's the food arriving?”

~

Hayun is sitting on the makeup chair, casually watching Scoups and Jeonghan whispering to each other from the mirror's reflection, when a hand lands on her shoulder and another holds out a smoothie for her.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Joshua sits on the chair next to her while Mingyu punctures the drink's lid with a straw.

Without taking her eyes off the mirror, she nods with her head to it. “Those two are up to something”

“Scoups and Jeonghan Hyung? Nah, they're always like that. Sharing secrets and stuff,” Mingyu giggles, shoving the straw inside her mouth and shifting to stand in front of the mirror. “Cute nail polish, when did you have time to get it done?”

“Oh, these are acrylics. This lady was just putting them on” Hayun falls into his trap and began analyzing the design with some occasional comments from the boys.

Peace has seemingly set inside the dressing room, yet it doesn't last long until Dino's loud “Uh?” caught the attention of the members, who turned to see what he and Vernon were doing.

Trying to shut the youngest up, Vernon makes it very obvious to the guys that he had just filled Dino in with the “frenemies” situation. Most of them try to brush it off and not bring more attention to it. Seungkwan, however, approaches them by, very loudly, asking what's up.

“What are you talking about?” He boringly fixes up his outfit. Vernon can feel the burning eyes of Jeonghan on his skull as he tries to deviate the conversation to another topic.

“Did you go see catering already? I heard they had a coffee machine”.

“Wait. Does he not know what happened?” Dino fails to read the room properly and instigates the older boy.

“What happened? Why is everyone sharing secrets all of a sudden? Is the thing you're discussing why Scoups Hyung seems ready to jump someone”.

The timing of events can't be worse, as the makeup artist taps Hayun's shoulder to let her know they were done. Within seconds, the girl gets up and turns to where the three youngest were standing.

“What's with the gossiping? Did Vernon lose his airpods again?” She brushes away from Joshua as he tried to hold her in place and waves off Mingyu when, in a panic, he suggests they should check out the pigeons outside.

“What? No! I mean, yeah! How unfortunate, isn't it?” Vernon jumps around his answers and tries looking for anyone willing to help him out.

“Just tell her about it” Approaching them from the door, Jeonghan, now without the leader's company, shrugs his shoulders, making Hayun raise an eyebrow.

“Jeonghan, at least wait until the day is over,” Joshua speaks through his teeth and the boy rolls his eyes.

“Well, she already knows something is up, and to be fair I don't know what good hiding this will bring. At least, if she feels like doing something about it, she'll have the chance right now”.

“Do something about it? Hadn't we agreed that the best is to wait until the performance is over and just never see them again?”

“What even are you talking about?” Hayun shuts them both up and Jeonghan and Joshua turned to her with annoyed expressions, “Don't even look at me like that. You're the ones mentioning me as if I'm not in the room”.

Placing a hand on her shoulder, Joshua tilts his head a little and speaks softly, “Trust me for a moment here, it's best if you brush it aside. Until later at least, and then we can settle it as you wish”.

“Wha- Just spill it out for fucks sake. I'm going to combust if you don't tell me right now whatever this all means,” Hayun puffs, punching his shoulder. Just as Joshua opens his mouth to say the same thing again, Jeonghan beats him and shoves himself in front of the girl.

“Do you recall those dancers you were planning to go out with yesterday? Yeah, well, turns out they're all little shits who were trash-talking you, and just overall talking crap, yesterday”

“Jeonghan” Joshua repressed the older who does nothing but wave him off.

“Doesn't matter what they said because you're nothing of it, and-” Adverting his eyes for a second, Jeonghan stares to the side, where half of Scoups' body is waving for him through the door. “And, and, you're amazing and all of that. So now go rest your awesome self while I go teach those punks a lesson”.

Zooming past her, Jeonghan runs to the door, where the leader is already back outside. Hoshi, Jun, Woozi, and DK, scream for him before also going out of the door. A very lost, Seungkwan, simultaneously tries to get Vernon to tell him what exactly the dancer said before while shouting for the older to wait for him to also speak his mind.

“I didn't want you to know about this before the performance, but-”

“Whatever, let's make sure nobody dies today” Hayun rolls her eyes and turns around, Wonwoo running from where he was watching everything and holding her by the shoulder.

“Do you want us to go fix that up? It's okay to give them the cold shoulder or just go off if you want to” Nodding, she keeps silent and walks out, bringing the rest of the guys behind her.

The8, who also had just found out about the situation, whispers to Vernon, “Can you believe they had the audacity?”

“I know, right?” The youngest whisper-yelled at him as they made it to the hallway and assessed the situation.

“The next time you even think about opening your mouth to talk about her-” Scoups had his finger pointing at the tallest dancer -who ironically had a few centimeters on him-, while the rest of the members stood next to him nodding and calmly listening to what the leader was saying.

“Oppa, just drop it,” Hayun shouts, walking past them and holding his shoulder.

Annoyingly, Scoups rolled his eyes and turned to her, “What do you mean, drop it?” Thinking for a second, he blinked and turned even more bothered, “Who even told you about this?”

The leader looked around until he found Mingyu, offending the tall guy who made an X in front of his body.

“Doesn't matter who told me. Let's just not lose time doing this” Brushing past him, Hayun now faced the dancers “Look, I'll teach you something right now, so grab it or drop it okay? I don't give a shit that you don't like me, or whatever, but at least be professional because all this situation did was teach me that none of you care about your careers. It's pretty clear by the angry puppy beside me that you just lost any chance of growing inside our brand, so keep this as a lesson and respect the artists you're working with. Also, once we're on stage put on a smile, so my fans won't be able to sense your shit”

“It should be pretty clear by what she said but you definitely don't have a chance to work with any Pledis artist again” Hoshi came from the end of the hallway alongside their manager and choreographer. The latter nodded and added.

“For the sake of the performance, you should all go back to your dressing rooms. You all said whatever was on your mind, so try to refocus during the last few minutes you have”.

“I didn't get to say what was on my mind” While the group was dispersing, DK mumbles on the side and Jun snorts.

“You had a chance, but all you did was stare at them and scowl until Scoups Hyung took the lead”

“I don't care about who said and who didn't say what they wanted” Hayun rolled her eyes, turning to the boys as they arrived in the room. Clasping her hands together, she brings them to her face and smiles, “You all care about me”.

“The fact you still doubted about it after years hurts me” Dokyeom held his chest and frowned, the girl laughs and goes to hug him.

“Group hug?” Seungkwan says uncertainly and Hoshi nods, dragging Woozi with him, “Group hug!”

[finelinevogue]

Can you expand on that topic of Harry buying that island for Y/N to conserve like you touched upon on the 73 questions thing you wrote please?

oooh yes!! i didn’t think this would be something that people would bring up but i’m excited to talk about it!! enjoy;

oli - 4, felix - 3, belle - 3 weeks

“What about this one?”

The same question Anne and Harry had been repeating for the last two hours. Neither Anne or Harry could decide on an island that they both thought you would absolutely love - an island that Harry would buy somewhere new for you to conserve and protect, for future family vacations and eventually potentially even retire to, whenever that day may come.

He had originally thought about purchasing a large plot of land along the coastline of Italy, because it had always captured a special place in Harrys heart. He loved the people, the culture, the weather, the food and he loved you when you’re bathing in the Italian sun. The boot-shaped country was the one in which you and Harry had spent your first holiday together. It was where you’d had your honeymoon. It was where, you’re pretty sure, that Oli was conceived. It held so many precious memories, so you both thought it time to make the country more permanent in your lives and purchase a house over there.

Unfortunately, due to coronavirus, Harry wasn’t able to physically go anywhere and house, or island, hunt - especially with a 3 week old baby. Belle had been born on October 2nd and she was an absolute angel - as happy as can be. Oli and Fix were currently looking after her, whilst Anne and Harry sorted through the mess of trying to organise the gift of a lifetime for you. Luckily you were out with a friend, shopping for baby clothes and a little something for yourself, for the day so Harry could complete his surprise in secret. Harry already held property in Malibu, New York, Japan, London and Manchester. He, until recently, had an apartment in San Fransisco, but he never used it and so the money that he got from selling that was going to be spent buying an island for you.

He always remembers one of the first conversations that he ever had with you and it was about how you wanted to change the world. You’d answered “I think i’d buy my own island and start conserving the planet one bit of land at a time, until I save it all!” Now obviously you were being very optimistic and silly with your dreams, but that’s all you thought they’d be - dreams. Harry was willing to make them a reality though. Okay, perhaps not world domination but he could start small and give you the thing you’d dreamt of even as a little girl.

“Mum—” Harry sighed, knowing he would reject it just like all the other ones she’d picked out for being either, too small, too big, too dangerous, too humanised. He didn’t care about price, he just wanted to get it right. He looked over to her computer, seeing what she’d found and brought up on her screen. “Shit, wait…”

This was it.

“Mhm?” Anne smiled knowingly.

“Give me details.” Harry asked her, pulling over his notepad and pen to jot down key information. He wasn’t planning on buying today, but he was planning on making inquiries so if he thought something needed negotiating then at least he’d have the information to hand.

“Okay, um,” she looked over the screen. Harry had only seen glimpses of the the island from the photos but even now he was fully invested in it, “it’s in Phuket, Thailand. Minimally developed on. 110 acres, but you know…”

“Could lessen due to climate change, yeah.” Harry noted and looked to his mum to see if she was continuing or not.

“They are allowing an income potential so you could build and make profit from it. Then again the island itself is $160 million so it’s going to be 7018 before you even start making a profit.” Anne joked, but Harry sighed. “What, love?”

“$160 million.” Harry pondered, thinking whether this is all worth it. It’s a huge investment and potential waste of money, but it was for you.

“You’re a near billionaire Harry. What else are you going to do with all your money? You could build back half of that money just from releasing a new album with no promotion. Imagine if you released a documentary or something too. You work hard, Harry, and you will continue to, so is it so wrong to treat yourself to something nice?”

“It’s not for me, though.”

“Well then, there’s the question you to need to ask yourself.” Harry looked at his mum quizzically before she responded. “Is Y/N worth it?”

Well that was a stupid question.

“Looks like Y/Ns getting her island after all.” Harry grinned so wide, feeling so happy that he was doing this for you. You deserved this so much. Yes it was a bloody huge investment and risk, if Harry was being honest with himself, but you were ridiculously worth it. So much so that he would have bought the island even if it were double that price. Harry sighed in relief and slouched back on the chair, thinking about how happy you’re going to be when you find out. Obviously there was so much paperwork and calls that needed to be made, so it was going to take some time, but to see your face at the end of this was going to be so worth it.

“Cuppa tea then?” Anne asked, slinking out of the chair and standing up.

“Yeah, go on—” The sounds of rattling keys and the front door opening broke Harry’s sentence, making him look up at his mum in panic. Time had flew by so quickly that he’d not even realised you could’ve actually been home anytime now.

Shit, you were home.

“Quick mum, help me hide all this. Wait mum, you’re going to have to sneak out the back because Y/Ns going to have too many questions otherwise!” Harry shot up from the kitchen table and started to gather bits of paper and close the laptops down. Luckily Harry was using his work laptop and Anne had brought her own so they didn’t have to worry about clearing browser history.

“What and you can’t just say you were hanging out with your ol’ mum?” Anne asked, laughing as she packed up her stuff because she knew just how demanding and stubborn her son was.

“I love you and call me when you get home safely okay?” Harry asked, chivying her out of the back door quietly and pecking her cheeks in thanks for everything she’s done for him today.

“Alright. Love you!”

Okay, act normal Harry.

“Mummy!” You heard Oli shout from the other room. You furrowed your eyebrows as you entered the house, dropping off your shoes and bags at the door before heading into the living room, where you knew you’d find the kids.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, looking around the room to see everything was in order. In fact, your heart melted at the sight of the siblings. Oli was sat upright against the sofa and had his baby sister laying on top of his stomach with hers, and Fix was sat just to the side of them - patting his sisters back rhythmically. It was a sight for sore eyes.

“Baby Belle just smiled.” Oli beamed brightly and you smiled back at him. Even though it was slightly irrelevant of him to shout for you because of this, you couldn’t help but awe over the fact the siblings were so loving for one another.

“Did she now?” You took out your phone to take a few pictures of them. “Smile again for mummy then, all of you.” You giggled as Fix pulled the cheesiest smile and Oli did his signature smile too - no teeth and raised eyebrows so high to the sky. You even caught a golden photo where Belle was slightly smiling too. “Are you okay in here still?”

You didn’t want to feel like you were abandoning your kids, because you would never, but you needed just a day to yourself to rejuvenate and help overcome the post-natal depression slowly. As much as you so very much loved them, it was hard for you sometimes. Belle was going to be sleeping for at least another hour, so you weren’t too worried about her. Oli and Fix were ever so sensible too, simply watching Teen Titans on Cartoon Network whilst they babysat their sister. You were only a shout away if something were to happen, which made you wonder where Harry was.

“Yes mummy.” Fix nodded his head whilst keeping his eyes glued to the TV.

“Everything all right in here?” Harry’s voice came from behind you, but you’r felt his presence a lot sooner before that. He stood behind you, peering into the room to check everything was in order.

God, you’d missed him today.

“Yeah, Oli tell daddy why you called me.”

“Baby Belle smiled daddy!” Oli retold the story just as animatedly as the first time, but keeping as still as he could so not to disturb his sister.

“Did she now? You must’ve made her happy then.” Harry slunk one of his hands around your waist and squeezed the pudge that had situated there. He absolutely loved the way you’d become curvier after giving birth. He said it gave him a bit extra of you to love on, to which you always cried at the words because he never failed to make you feel so beautiful.

“I try daddy.”

“I try too.” Felix added, obviously wanting his dad to know he wasn’t not helping in taking care of Belle.

“Good boys. Proud of you both.” They both smiled after their dads words, “Now you both behave and look after Baby Belle whilst I go make mummy a cup of tea okay?”

“But come back, daddy.” They both replied and you gave them a final warm smile, before making your way to the kitchen to make a warm, milky, beverage.

“Nice day?” Harry asked, following you into the kitchen. His hand was placed lowly on your back and guided you into the room.

“Lovely, thanks. Just missed you all.” You sighed and turned around to kiss him in the middle of the kitchen. Your lips moulded to his perfectly and he tasted so sweet, you probably so sour from your lemonade you’d had earlier.

“Miss you always.” Harry murmured against your lips and then pulled away, not before giving you and extra peck though.

You walked over to the kettle and switched it on, whilst Harry collected the mugs from the cupboard you were too small to reach. He picked out one with the letter H on and one with the letter of your first name on, knowing that you’d drink from each others letters as always.

“Been busy today?” You asked, dropping teabags into the cups and leaning against the counter side as you waited for the kettle to take its’ boil.

“Kinda.” He smirked to himself, trying to dodge that question and any others you might have about the day. “Glad you’re back home though.” He walked to you and cupped the back of your head lightly, guiding your face up to his.

“Thank you for being my home.” You smiled at your cheesy comment and then lead your lips to his again.

“You are a dream, my love.” Harry said, looking deep into the eyes he could fall in love with all over again.

Just as you were about to touch lips with his you heard the wails of your tiny daughter and sighed in sync. You chuckled as you flopped your head onto Harry’s chest. As much as you wanted to stay and soak up all the love he was about to give you, your children were a priority - especially a crying baby.

“Well, your dream will have to wait hun.” You patted his chest before walking out of the room, Harry watching you go before whispering ever-so-carefully under his breath.

“But yours won’t.”