#i understand that this ask wasn't asked in good faith but i decided to answer it in good faith anyways

[top-vi]

she sleeps with men because uh she wants to be one

that is the FUNNIEST thing I ever heard

i mean if you don't agree you don't agree lmfao i can't force you to think anything

however, her canon male relationships have been:

teenage experimentation

grooming from her uncle

a gay man during their arranged marriage

entirely off screen

she's reiterated multiple times how she wishes to be a man, literally saying in this episode "[daemon] was everything i wanted to be. carefree. and dangerous. a man." her desire for freedom is a common theme within her character, and we see her constantly striving for it with her relationships with men (very similar yet very different to alicent in that way).

as a woman, realizing you like women and realizing you don't like men are two incredibly different things. as much as we like to think that rhaenyra is "sexually liberated", she's still been socialized in a highly patriarchal world. her disliking men, her never marrying or having children, was never an option for her regardless of how much she may have wanted that to be so (see: young rhaenyra saying she'd rather be a knight than pop out children (hm, i wonder who her male relationships have been with, surely this can't at all be related!!))

i know the fandom generally sees alicent as comphet warrior #1, but i think rhaenyra's comphet, if you choose to see it that way, is also a very common experience. many lesbians sleep with men before they realize they're lesbians - its so incredibly normal. even i, as a butch lesbian who's been out for at least 5 years now, occasionally grapple with some level of "do i want him or do i want to look like him"

like i said at the beginning, if you don't agree you don't agree, that's fine. but i do think that dismissing the notion out of hand does a disservice to getting a closer dissection of her character.

[barcaatthemoon]

let her go || leah williamson x reader ||

you notice some problems in your relationship with leah and take some time away from her.

you knew what it was like to live in a broken home. growing up, your home life had always been rough. your parents had refused to get a divorce, despite never having been happy a day in your life. apparently things hadn't always been that way according to your other family, but you had never really known peace at home.

that was why whenever you noticed things getting difficult with leah, you knew it was only a matter of time. she was getting irritable, and despite your best efforts to talk, all she wanted to do was argue. she wanted someone to take her anger out on, and you just happened to be the only person there.

it wasn't fair, and while leah seemed to understand that sometimes, she didn't nearly enough for you to stay. that was why whenever she had gone away for international camp, you spent that time thinking a lot of things over. you wanted to spend the rest of your life with leah, but not if she was going to be acting the way she had for the past several months. you just couldn't stay in a relationship like that.

"what are you doing?" you had decided to leave, but not to go until leah had gotten back. the last thing you wanted was for her to think that you had just abandoned her. she had been too good to you for too long for you to just do that.

"i'm going to stay with my sister in manchester for a little bit. maybe permanently, i haven't decided yet," you told her. leah's shock was evident on her face as she stared you down. she hoped that you were joking, but the solemn look on your face told her otherwise.

"why are you leaving? (y/n), i want you to stay. don't go, i need you. i need you to stay, please," leah said. she looked like she was about ready to drop to her knees and beg you to stay, which was the last thing that you wanted. you had hoped that this would be a quick exit, that leah would be in another one of her moods and just let you go.

"leah, please don't do this. with the way things have been, this is the best solution for a little while," you sighed. leah seemed shocked by your very valid reasoning. she had been so used to being the reasonable and rational one for so long. it felt very out of character for you to suddenly be making a decision like this for the right reason.

"what am i supposed to do then?" leah winced at the raising of her own voice. it was unintentional. "do you want an apology? tell me what i can do to fix this so you'll stay."

"there's nothing you can do or say that will make me stay. i'm sorry leah, i am. just let me go for a little while. i need time to think about us." despite every fiber of her being telling her to fight you on this, leah stepped out of your way. you brought your first set of bags down to the car before you went back up to get your last suitcase.

"can we set some rules before you leave?" leah asked you. a part of her felt like it was a big ask, one that she didn't even necessarily need to make. she knew that you were faithful, and even on a break, you'd never go out and find someone else. it was someone finding you that worried leah to no end.

"that depends on what you had in mind." you crossed your arms over your chest as you waited for her to speak again.

"this isn't a break-up or even a break, not really. i want you to check in with me, let me know that you're doing okay. whenever you need or want to talk, i'll always answer you. remember that i'm waiting for you back here, please. don't forget about what we've got here, and all the things that are sure to come," leah told you. she grabbed onto your hands and rubbed her thumbs over your knuckles. "i love you."

"i love you too." you leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the corner of leah's mouth. it wasn't much, but it was just what she needed to ease her mind a little bit. the small token of affection had always been something you'd done whenever leah got too inside of her own head. for you to pull her out of it before you left put leah at ease just enough for her to not immediately follow you all the way to manchester.

…

it was the hardest six weeks of her life, but leah had managed to give you the distance that you asked for. she had never been more grateful for a break in football in her life. usually she spent the off-season wishing for games or something, but it was nice not to have to worry about keeping her playing form good while she worried about whether or not you'd ever come back to her.

your return was, admittedly unceremonious. you didn't want leah to make a big deal over it, so you didn't even really tell her that you were coming back. instead, you simply told her that you were going to be in london to spend time with alessia, who had been making the trip up to manchester to see you several times a week.

"hey babe," you said casually as you pressed a kiss to leah's cheek. she glanced back at you, surprised to see you enter the apartment so casually. you had visited once or twice since you had left, but it had been sort of strained and tense between the two of you. "how are you?"

"good. i thought you were going out with les, what are you doing here?" leah asked you. you moved around the side of the couch and dropped down next to her. leah seemed a bit apprehensive, but she let you cuddle up against her side.

"i want to come home," you told her. leah looked surprised and a little confused. "can i come home please?"

"you don't have to ask me. i told you that i'd wait for you to be ready," leah reminded you. you knew that, but you didn't think it was fair to just walk back into her life without asking if it was okay first. "all i've wanted for the past month is for you to come back. i was kind of mad about you leaving, but i get it."

"what happened?" you asked her. leah shrugged, glancing down at her lap with a look of guilt etched onto her features. "leah?"

"a few of my teammates may have pointed out that i was being an asshole. you took care of me at my worst, and i didn't repay you with any sort of kindness. i'll do better, i promise. just please, promise me that next time i act like that, you'll call me out. i don't care if they tell me i'll never play again, call me out on my bullshit for the love of god. i'd rather be insulted than going to bed alone," leah told you. she was rambling a bit, which you found absolutely adorable.

"i promise not to just sit with my feelings like that again. it's not fair to either of us," you promised. leah smiled as she pressed a kiss to your forehead.

[karereiko]

Hello, everyone from Yuumori fandom.

Guess what, because of Concert that will be held in July all parts of Moriarty the Patriot Musical (op1-op5) are available to rent and watch online. With my Morimu fanarts or other talks about it I often get asked where you can watch it, often my answer is that you have to buy DVD or Bluray to watch this wonderful adaptation of Moriarty the Patriot manga. I know it's a big cost and hard to get for some so Streaming like this is a great opportunity to watch Morimu.

Official twitter posted few days ago about this possibility and here is the post with all information about it:

1600 yen is great amount to check if you will like it and wach it because I think it's worth any money, director who made morimu clearly loves manga, he treats source material with care and even makes it batter at some times, there is also a lot less cuts than in anime, like a lot. May be little spoiler or not, but Baskerville arc is there and Durham date too, as well as many Sherlock and John stuff that was cut in anime, some things from Moran arc etc. this is already big selling factor, right?

Actors are amazing and they love and care for characters they play. I wasn't into any actor adaptations before Morimu, I was ok with musicals but not caring too much about them and Morimu sold me since first part and it only got better and better each part even if you think that's not possible. Songs are there to make emotions and moments deeper or to have real fun with plot they show, they are not there just for song to be there. So yes high recommendation for you all to check Morimu if you didn't saw it yet. The most amazing thing is that you don't need VPN to buy those streams.

I was going to write about this few days ago and was busy, good I didn't because I talked with friends in Yuumori fandom who knows morimu and we were troubled to recommend this stream to people who doesn't understand Japanese. Morimu is faithful adaptation so almost like 70% lines comes from manga and you should understand what's going on if you read manga. Still, with subs it's a lot easier.

Kana did amazing job in creating English translation for Morimu Op1-Op4 at this point, all who bought DVD/Bluray versions of Morimu are using those subs and if you decide to buy own copy after seeing stream then those subs works great with DVD/Bluray versions.

So we talked over the stream matter and from what we checked with this plugin to Chrome it's possible to play subs with Morimu stream after you rent it (It works only with Chrome but if you know other program like this you can try it on different browsers, we only checked Chrome and this plugin) :

The only matter is that Kana saved subtitles in .ass file format, but you can easily format them to .srt file format that this plugin plays with this site:

You just open subtitle file and save it as srt, and open it with plugin to your Morimu stream. If you will have any more problems with subs them write me a message and I will try to help as soon as work let's me.

I think this is the easiest option that creators gave us now to watch Morimu, it was never so easy to buy or rent it until now, you had to use crazy VPN programs and other stuff to just check on it. So this is best option since for sure it won't last forever. Such promotional streamings are only around when new part is coming up, currently Concert I mentioned.

So for other things I wanna to say. If you get your copy of Morimu then please don't share it, don't post it to any social sites. Company that makes Morimu is quite strict with that matter and they do search who uploads those musicals and strikes them down/ deletes files even on places like google drive. Even without it, it's a matter of love for Moriarty the patriot. As much as fandom wants more people to watch those musicals, any piracy might destroy our chances to get Op6, possibilities for future streams and other stuff. Currently with Op5 we reached end of Final Problem arc and there is hope that maybe one day New York arc will be done in op6. Any piracy, sharing and messy stuff might destroy such chance, so please if you hold dear MTP then respect those rules. Watching streams with your friends in closed groups after you buy it isn't bad but please hold from any public sharing (they would be taken down anyway, but it would still put us fans in very bad light).

I know end of this post was not nice but it had to be told. I hope this possibility will help you see Morimu and fall in love with it like I did. I would recommend at least seeing OP1 and OP2, it should hook you and OP3 is where everything hits even more than op1-2, more hits from songs, more hits from sherliam stuff.

Hope to see you in Morimu cult :D... ehem... fandom. May you have "wind" (for some Great Detective) in your heart like William....

[sylusjinwoon]

{ 104 }

the price of a lie.

lies of p.

pinocchio x reader

warnings: unedited and a self indulgent mess.

{ how many lies would you tell to be human? }

truth be told, pinocchio never understood what it truly meant to be human.

his journey throughout krat was no easy task, for surrounding him were enemies who wanted nothing more than to witness his demise; automatons who held such deep contempt for him and his goals, being just as deadly as the plague that wracked through the city.

with each challenge that he faced, he was forced to play the role of a real boy, acting as though he desired nothing more than for his lies to become a reality someday. even though he knew that being human was seen as a good thing, he didn't really understand it. when asked about it, his father often told pinocchio that he was the key to saving humanity; that it was due to pinocchio being geppetto's creation that he held him in such high regard- that this was something only he could do.

but it was difficult for pinocchio. he felt as though the weight of the world had been placed on his shoulder, and he was forced to navigate through such a dark world entirely on his own while given little to no motivation. despite how he wasn't quite human yet, there seemed to be a looming weight within his chest, one that filled him with an inexplicable emotion.

the feeling was so great that he couldn't help but dwell on it, the curiosity of it all spilling over that he had to ask sophia about it.

"that emotion you are describing sounds a great deal like dread." he recalls sophia telling him one late evening when he was last seeking refuge at hotel krat. her graceful figure seemed to float along the marble floors, voice ever so gentle as her slender fingertips ran along the oakwood shelves, exploring the spines of the various books settled within it.

she hums, not quite facing him, yet pinocchio knew that she was simply deep in thought. "it is not strange for you to feel this way, after all, we are asking a lot of you at this very moment."

"however," her gentle laughter makes pinocchio finally meet her gaze, seeing her smile as she reassures him, "how you decide to move forward and continue your journey is entirely up to you. and truly, i have faith in you- we all do."

sophia stops herself from speaking further then, her gaze becoming a bit more solemn as she clasps her hands together. she steps closer to him, the skirt of her blue gown swaying back and forth with her movements when she settles herself before him. her gaze was unwavering, placing her hand on pinocchio's shoulder as she tells him:

"but it won't be easy... you must have a strong conviction in order to become what you truly desire. so, tell me..."

just how far would you go to truly be human?

pinocchio hears sophia's words echoing within him, the cogs in his mind whirring as he fought to find the right words to say. could he really tell her of how numb he felt? would she understand if he spoke to her, finally telling her that single phrase i don't know?

instead of being truthful with her, pinocchio found that he could not get the words out; the silence was deafening, and despite how no words had been spoken or exchanged, the pain in sophia's gaze said it all.

as if taking pinocchio's unspoken words as his answer, she simply nods at him before letting him go, leaving him feeling numb.

if pinocchio were to be honest with himself, the puppet simply felt... empty at the thought of being human. he felt no innate desire to become one, and only felt such desires simply because he was told to.

the lies he tells were only made to put up a façade; one that he was meant to uphold if he were to ever survive the dangers that were seen all across krat. he never had a reason, nor felt the true desire to become real-

but that all seemed to change one fateful moment, when he came into contact with a human-

when he came into contact with you.

it was raining that day, the downpour causing the cobblestone streets to become slick. puddles surrounded the city as pinocchio could feel his own clothes becoming wet from the rain. his shoes made splashes all across the roads when gemini's voice became panicked.

"whoa, b-bad news, buddy! i sense a group of rogue automatons just a few blocks away. maybe we should retreat for now? you seem unprepared, and you were only meant to be out here to do recon."

pinocchio ignores gemini's advice, simply sharpening his rapier with his legion arm as he stepped forward, eyes narrowing when he sees a figure coming towards him, seeing you running to him. he stops walking, watching as your footsteps pound against the streets as gasps escapes from your parted lips. you were dressed in a tattered shirt with torn pants, and your shoes were so worn and torn that they nearly made you slip and fall into the slick streets.

when you finally see him, you let out a sigh of relief all while reaching out to him with your hands, "p-please, you've got to help me!"

he takes note of the way your heart raced from within your chest and how wisps of smoke seemed to escape from your parted lips due to how cold it was. the constant thumpthumpthump heard from the confines of your chest intrigued pinocchio a great deal, and he was uncertain why his curiosity was so piqued by you.

"pino, this is bad, the enemies are right in front of you!"

without saying a word to you, pinocchio places you directly behind him, shielding you from the automatons. he watches the rogue puppets with thick oil escaping from their porcelain lips, staining at their skin as heavy grunts and groans were heard from them. their movements were slow, dragging their feet along the slick streets. pinocchio held no concern when it came to defeating them and shielding you from the dangers that they pose.

using the speed and grace he had developed from his past battles, he manages to take down the rogue group of automatons with ease. his rapier slices through them as he dodges their attacks with great succession. within what seemed like seconds, they all collapse in a pile of broken limbs, the rain already beginning to turn their bodies into rust.

he faces you once more, seeing you wrap your arms around your chest, your eyes wide with wonder. "t-that was amazing! and goodness, y-you are also an automaton? i truly thought you were real! simply a young man taking a stroll across krat! well, actually, that would be quite crazy, since humans like me would definitely struggle surviving here!"

pinocchio listens to you and the way you excitedly spoke to him. it was here that he learns of your name, how you were not originally from krat and had simply traveled here to learn about the city's accomplishments with automatons. you spoke highly about your dreams and how you wished to be a master engineer like geppetto.

"that is my father." pinocchio wasn't sure why he felt the need to tell you of this simple fact. something about you seemed...bright. so achingly bright that it made his chest feel this strange tightness. the fact that you were all alone in this dangerous world made pinocchio wish to help you- to shield and protect you from it.

he watches as your eyes widen in response. "you're kidding, that's amazing!"

"yup, it sure is! master geppetto is a genius, and i along with everyone else agree that pinocchio is his greatest creation!" gemini chimes in, further adding to your excitement.

"then that means-"

"you may come with me." pinocchio softly tells you without a hint of hesitation, simply holding his hand out for you to take. your features appear surprised once more before turning a bit sheepish a mere moments later. "i-i don't know. i don't wish to intrude, but...krat has become a living nightmare since the plague hit. i was a bit foolish in coming here so...so unprepared. "

"hey listen, your only hope of survival is to follow pinocchio here. if you stay out here, you're gonna be made into mincemeat for sure." gemini continues to urge you to follow pinocchio, "he can take you to geppetto. and who knows? maybe you can work as his assistant along with eugénie."

throughout it all, pinocchio never stops keeping his hand outreached for you to take. as gemini's voice slowly softens before becoming silent, he could see your eyes shining with excitement and happiness once more. with a sigh, pinocchio watches you as you step forward and call out his name for the first time. "pinocchio, right?"

he feels himself shiver a bit upon hearing the way you call out to him. giving you a simple nod, he extends his hand out even more to you, to which you finally take. the warmth that came from the palm of your hand was what pinocchio initially feels, his fingertips lightly grazing against your wrist as he felt the pulse along with the warmth that radiated off of it.

there was a sudden surge felt within his chest, one that pushes him forward as he ends up interlocking the fingertips of his non-legion hand with yours, pulling you along as he safely lead you out of the city and towards his sanctuary found within hotel krat.

and it didn't take long for you to find a new home within his found family. as predicted by gemini, his father welcomed you with open arms, along with eugénie. you were a fast learner, and offered many insights to both of them when it came to optimizing pinocchio's legion arm.

pinocchio wasn't sure why your presence instilled something so profound within him. he has had his fair share of communicating with humans. he was close to his father, and he enjoyed listening to eugénie prattle on about the modifications she has made to his legion arm.

but interacting with you sparked something deep from within him. each day he returned to hotel krat, he found himself basking in your smiles and the sound of your voice as you told him about your day all while asking pinocchio about his own adventures.

he never tired of hearing your voice, and how your warmth seemed to permeate at the air before seeping into him. and it was while he was in your presence that he found himself regretting that he could not feel your warmth nor share it with you. pinocchio's body was cold, being carved by the richest wood and sewn together with metal. his glass eyes were incapable of reflecting the same emotions that you showed each time you met his curious gaze, and that part bothered him greatly.

that was the first time pinocchio felt a great sense of regret at not being truly human.

he wanted to bask in the rain and feel the cold droplets against his skin and dance in it with you;

he wanted to share cups of hot chocolate with you and be able to lick away the cream that decorates your lips;

but more so than that, he wanted these feelings he was beginning to feel to come into fruition and have a true, beating heart.

it was a yearning that pinocchio felt growing inside him, getting stronger and deeper with each passing day. each time you walk by him, his gaze would ultimately follow you. the longing that he felt was certainly becoming more evident, and an almost knowing smile would grace sophia's features each time she witnesses your interactions with pinocchio.

with a newfound passion, pinocchio continues his journey, now believing his lies of being human each time he uttered them while exploring the city of krat- allowing the thoughts of you to push him forward.

and it was with these thoughts of you plaguing his mind that he returns back home from his exploration around krat. the night was at its peak, with hotel krat remaining silent as evident of its inactivity. pinocchio was the only one still awake at this time, and he found himself wandering aimlessly around the library, unable to rest.

his fingers run across the spines of the books, yet he felt no desire to read any of them. as his eyes scan the various titles, he was aware of the familiar sound that never fails to bring him comfort.

thumpthumpthump...

his ears pick up the gentle pitter patter of your heart, its slow beats alerting him of your sleeping state. yet despite how he knew that you were resting, pinocchio couldn't stop his footsteps from moving forward. he allows the sounds of your heartbeat to lead him away from the library, his steps echoing throughout the marble flooring of the hallways.

as if running on instinct alone, he does not stop his movements until he reaches the front of your room. like a moth being drawn to a flame, pinocchio lifts his hand, pressing it against the door as he pushes it aside and steps within your bedroom.

his eyes adjust to the dim lighting of the room within seconds as he moves forward. he follows the sounds of your breathing and ends up standing before your bed. it is here that he sees you curled up against the sheets, your hair splayed across your pillow as you cling to your blankets. pinocchio allows his eyes to trail over to your chest, becoming mesmerized by the gentle rise and fall of it.

unconsciously, he reaches out to you, allowing his hand to brush back the strands of your hair. upon feeling his cold hand against your skin, you wince in your sleep before letting out a soft groan. pinocchio simply stiffens in response, not even attempting to move his hand away from you even when you slowly began to awaken.

"huh? pinocchio?" you sat up in bed, forcing pinocchio to remove his hand away from your cheek. "what are you doing here?"

pinocchio knew that the right thing to do in this situation was to simply apologize for waking you up, yet no words seemed to come out properly from his parted lips. "i...i..."

yet miraculously, you seemed to inherently understand him. "it's alright, you can't sleep, right?" wordlessly, you scoot over on your bed, making room for pinocchio to settle beside you. "come on, it's alright, you can stay here, with me."

his hands began to itch with a sudden urge, a pinprick of desire that seemed to grow as your smile was all he could see. following along with this strange emotion, pinocchio lets out a tiny thank you in response to your kindness before laying in bed with you.

not wanting you to fall off the bed, he wraps his arms around your form, bringing you closer to him as you let out a gasp. he says your name in yet another soft whisper, adjusting himself so that his ear was pressed against your chest.

"p-pinocchio?" your voice had risen a few octaves, and he could hear the way your heart began to beat faster in response to his touch.

"ssh...just let me...let me listen to your heart beat- listen to what makes you human." pinocchio's voice began to take on a richer tone, being filled with wonder as he closed his eyes and listened to the steady beat of your heart.

thumpthumpthump...

how far would you go to be human?

how many lies would you tell?

in this moment, with you by his side, pinocchio knew that he would tell an infinite amount of lies-

for if he could become human and share his heartbeat with yours, than what greater bliss could possibly exist for him?

a.n. - so a new lies of p trailer just dropped, and i find myself falling for pinocchio all over again 🥹

all stories are written by rei; reposts, translations, and plagiarism are not allowed.

[antisemitism-101]

Welcome and FAQ

I'm so excited that you want to learn more about antisemitism and how to fight it! Thank you. Here are a few questions I've been asked while setting up this blog; I figured it would be worth putting them all in one place.

Why make this blog?

Often, growing up Jewish means growing up with intensive training in identifying antisemitism.  Even our religious holidays frequently boil down to "They tried to kill us and failed!  LET'S EAT ABOUT IT."  

The upside of that is, we learn from a very early age how to be safe.  What to watch out for, what escape plans to make.  The downside?  A lot of kind, thoughtful people who care about social justice, who want to help, didn't get that training. They didn't have to.  And us trainees failed to realize our training wasn't common knowledge.  That training gap leaves lots of room for bad actors to promote dangerous misinformation and antisemitic tropes.

I want to reduce that wiggle room.  To share knowledge with people who want to learn but are afraid to ask.  To help people understand why so many of us feel hurt and alone.  To identify language with antisemitic implications that are harder to see.   And I want to help the helpers.  I know there are a lot of you.

Who are you, and what makes you qualified to do this?

I am a Reform Jewish woman from the United States (Not A Zionist, Free Palestine, just to get that out of the way.)  My biggest credential, honestly, is my adorable mother-in-law.  She's a deeply curious woman with no sense of what an appropriate question is.  She's also lived in rural Texas without internet access for decades, and I was the first Jewish person she ever met.  Thanks to her, I have so many years of practice answering really painful good faith questions about Judaism.

The second person helping with this blog is a dear friend, a Zionist, and pro-Israel, and I've been arguing with him about Palestine more or less nonstop since October 7. I figure anything we two can agree on about antisemitism is probably broadly applicable.

Why are you blogging about this instead of about Gaza?

I don't believe being one more person blogging about Gaza is going to make a meaningful difference in the lives of Palestinians; I've currently focused my activism there on donating to aid organizations like Islamic Relief USA, which I encourage you to also do, and calling my elected officials.

In my experience, a lot fewer people are discussing antisemitism, for a lot of reasons.  I feel like largely people are afraid discussing antisemitism means ignoring the nightmarish suffering of Palestinians.  I know we have enough compassion in our hearts to support people in two marginalized groups.  And since I can discuss antisemitism in a knowledgeable, warm, and level-headed way, I feel like it's my obligation to right now.

How do you decide whether a question is in good faith?

That's a good question!  The unsatisfying answer is: it's entirely subjective.  But my definition of 'good faith' is generous, so don't be afraid to ask something because you feel like I won't like it.   

Can I ask general questions about Judaism here?

Try it! If the questions aren't related to antisemitism at all, I reserve the right to not publish them, but a lot of antisemitism comes from a misunderstanding of Jewish culture and tradition. If you want a Judaism 101 blog too, feel welcome to suggest it.

Is there a good place to find Antisemitism 202 content on Tumblr?

I'm glad you asked! My favorite two Tumblr bloggers who write on the subject (from very different angles) are:

@edenfenixblogs, who writes eloquently about common Jewish experiences and promotes both Jewish-Muslim solidarity and Israeli-Palestinian Solidarity. This post about the relationship between Judaism, trauma, and the desire to be a light in the world feels like it came straight from my heart.

@historicity-was-already-taken, who is a Holocaust scholar by profession. Obviously she writes mostly about the Holocaust and academia, but branches out into current events sometimes. I've linked her 101 post on antisemitic tropes to watch out for to multiple friends.

(Hi, both of you! I doubt you know me, I've just been an occasional commenter, but I'm a fan. If you don't want to appear on this list, please feel welcome to ping me and I'll remove you.)

What is that icon?

It's a dreidel, which is a children's toy used to celebrate a Jewish holiday, Chanukah. I wanted to pick something friendly and recognizably Jewish to USians like me.

[hisfluer]

Hi!!!! I hope you don’t mind answering and if you need more context, I can give it but any tips for worshipping Lucifer?

hello hello! oh, i love to answer questions! i don't get to talk about him a lot so i really had a lot to say, haha! this got so long. tl;dr at the bottom!

i can give you what i have and if you need more direction or have more questions, let me know! my dms are open!

let me start off by saying that my specific approach to lucifer is specific to me. the way i view him might be different from the way that you see him. keep an open mind! he might appear to you in a way you were not expecting and it might take away to understand.

the way i worship is through action and prayer. and i know these things work because when i don't do them, i feel myself falling apart. it is incredibly important for me to make time to pray, make time for action, make time and space for him to visit with me.

prayer, i think, is pretty self-explanatory. if you'd like me to go into it with more specifics, i can.

i think the number one tip i can give you is to ... learn who he is to you. what is drawing you to him? rebellion? or perhaps knowledge. is it as a breaker of chains or as someone who is fallen? freedom? enlightenment? i think it's important to know this, know why you're seeking in order to find the answers. ( i highly suggest journaling this out, it might help bring a sharper insight to where you are and why you're seeking. )

& sit with him. invite him in with a single candle ( or approximate ) and linger in that space with him. when he comes to your mind, what do you think about? what's the image you see? do you have something like that that you can bring to the next session? for me, it was apples. when i thought about lucifer, i thought about apples. when i decided to approach him, i brought an apple.

one of the first things he told me in my asking to know more about him was to ask him. if the answers that he gave me did not suffice, i could go looking for more but i was to draw my conclusions from him first. with eros or hermes, i had a basic knowledge of their myths that allowed me to seek them out for specific things but i didn't have that with lucifer. i knew the basics about the morning star, the pride of the fall, and that he was the father of lies. there was nothing about him as a figure of worship, only as a figure to be reviled.

so, he was asking me to see him as he came to me without the stories of everyone else. if i didn't like the answers, i was free to look for them but i never did. ( well, i did but purely out of curiosity to see what others were saying. i didn't look until i knew what i believed and what i didn't and i wasn't going to be swayed by what i learned. and i discovered some things that i didn't agree with and some that verified my interactions. )

lucifer, to me, appears as a figure of knowing. in my understanding of him, i combine his mythos together as an ancient figure from rome with the father of lies and the christian canon that was put on him. this is because i resonate very strongly with him being cast down. he's the only remnant of that faith that i keep but i don't fully associate him with it. he isn't purely a christian figure, he was made to play a role. and to me, it's in the breaking of these roles, these chains, these assumptions and knowing himself is where i find my strength.

i went through most of my life thinking i was stupid. i never made good grades, i always felt i couldn't contribute to the conversations, book intelligence was valued over everything growing up and i always felt like i could never be 'smart'. but i love to learn, i love to read, i love to know about the secret ways of the world. i love to hear the secrets, i love to find them and lucifer helped encourage me to do that without taking on the stories of others.

knowledge, awareness, knowing the ways people both use you and help you, these are the things i go to him for. he is the knowing of ones strength and the knowing of how to better oneself to use it. it's seeing through the stories and revealing the truth of it. as the morning star, he brings forth the light despite the darkness. as a figure of hate, he is also a figure of love. he is the one that i seek when i feel lost. he is the star to guide me forward — but not in that he solves my problems but that he tells me to look for the solutions and if i can't find any, how do i open my eyes more in order to see them. he guides me towards knowing, towards fulfillment, towards bettering myself so that no one can put a story on me that i don't agree with.

through action, which in this case is through learning, i am able to show him my worship. i am able to show him that i am taking him and his lessons and his guidance to heart and that is how i worship him.

beyond that, set a small place for him with a candle and linger there. you're not summoning him, you're not asking him to be there, you're just showing him that you are there. i do that by action but it might be that you should journal and that is what draws you closer to him. it might be music, snails, the holy figure of the rabbit, trees, or it might be through something else entirely. it is your experience and your unique perspective is what he is drawn to and it will be that through which he will speak to you.

an apple to me is different from an apple to you. it might not mean the same thing or have similar connotations. why would he use an apple to you if they have no significance in your life? it might be the peach or the pomegranate that inspires him to you.

my tips aren't a list because worship and relationships with the spirit and divine are so incredibly personal. listen to what the god is saying to you and, if it agrees with your spirit, follow through. if it feels like you must pray, pray. if it feels like you should light a candle for a week, do that. if it feels like you should read or take a class, do so. it doesn't have to be elaborate. your worship can be as simple as getting sweaty outside in the garden or as complex as a ceremonial ritual of devotion! it is so personal and not something i can really direct you in. it might be as simple as "i'm brushing my teeth for you, dark lord!" and if that satisfies your spirit, that's all you need to do.

if you want to talk about it more or if you have more question, feel free to dm me!

TL;DR: my tip is to get personal with him and he'll direct you the way you should go to follow his path.

[dreamstate4you]

Hobie

-Medical student reader x Hobie Brown.

-fluff and slight angst

-1.2k words

(Pt 2)

Today's day was an exhausting one. You sat besides the sofa, too tired to even move an inch as your eyes were locked onto the pages of papers Infront of you. You had written the first part of your medical exam today and some genius of a professor decided to make everyone write the second paper on the next day.

In the midst of your inner debate, on whether to be a good student and study like you are supposed too or just take a leap of faith and just wing the second paper( the first one did count more so if you do well on the first one it's basically a pass) you heard a knock on your window.

At first you thought the knock was a pigeon who knocked it's own lights because of it's 'lack to see windows' ,but the knock returned again. This time it was a bit harder and it came accompanied my a familiar voice you knew too well ,Hobie's voice.

You rushed to the window. Hoping over the stacks of paper that once took away your ability to even move a finger.

You uncapped the lock on your window to indeed find out that it was your beloved boyfriend ,Hobie...who didn't look too good.

His mask was torn revealing the lower part of his face. He was clutching his side as he looked to even be struggling to support his own weight. It wasn't unfamiliar for Hobie to do this, to show up injured in your dorm room completely bruised. You once questioned him why he doesn't just go seek medical help at a proper hospital, but he insisted that he only trusts you and hates hospitals.

You stepped aside. Helping support some of his weight as he crawl-walked into your dormitory. "I swear it's just a scratch ,love. Don't worry bout' me!" Hobie groaned roughly as he tossed his mask aside.

Hobie groaned his way next to where your pile of papers were placed. He sat besides them not wanting to sit on the sofa in fear of getting it dirty. You didn't say anything as you walked to the bathroom cabin and took out the medical kit. Walking back to see him lean his body onto the sofa.

"So what was it this time?" You asked getting him a glass of water to go along with the pain-killer pills. Gently lifting his head to wipe the blood that was dried up in his face.

It proves to be difficult as he kept staring at your eyes ,not even answering your question. You shyly glanced at him before quickly focusing back on his wound. Raising your eyebrows in a manner that told him to answer you were waiting for answer.

Hobie's attention was broken by the slight sting of his wound. "Nothing much, just a run-in with a villain of the week." He lets out a small Chuckle,but is quickly replaced with a soft sound of 'ouch' as you rubbed an ointment on his wound.

You remain silent not understanding how he finds his state amusing. You moved away from his face and payed attention to his side. It wasn't a deep cut, it just needed a bit of cleaning and some time to rest then he would be back to his healthy self.

Hobie noticed your silence, his smug smile quickly faded as he noticed the look of concern on your face."Hey, babe, don't stress. It's just a few scratches. I've had worse you know." He spoke softly, his voice filled with genuine affection trying to smooth out your worry. "And I've got you to fix me up, don't I? You're my secret weapon."

You sighed as you took a bandage and gently placed it on his side wound.

"I know, I know, but it's the third time you come to me with an injury this week!" You slightly raised his voice. You didn't mean to, the frustration and worry for his well being were just building up. "You have been really reckless this week."

Hobie looks at you with a mixture of guilt and affection in his eyes. He reaches out to take your hand, his grip gentle yet firm. "I'm sorry, love. I don't mean to worry you, but you know how it is out there. We're fighting for something, for a better world and sometimes, things get a bit messy." He pauses for a moment, his gaze locked with yours. "I promise, I'll be more careful. I don't like seeing you upset."

He brought your hand to his lips and presses a soft kiss to your knuckles. "You mean the world to me, and I don't want to cause you any unnecessary worry."

His words brought you a momentary of relief. He was a superhero after all. You just had to put your trust in him.

"Hey how about we go skating." You proposed an idea to him. It was something the two of you enjoyed doing ...well you enjoyed skating. He was just bad at it but hobie enjoyed watching you have fun. "You can't join me. You'll just sit on the bench and watch my skate."

Skateboarding was one of your many hobbies, a favorite one because it was how you met Hobie. A skating trick gone wrong had you spiraling down the street, bumping into him with his guitar that you unfortunately broke.

"You're not just saying' that to get out of your study work." Hobie eyes the stacks of papers that were sides the two of no.

"No." You replied with a mischievous smile. Looking hobie In the eyes as his face also formed an amused grin.

You and Hobie ended up going to a small park that was east of your university. When you both got to the park, the first thing you did was show him a new trick you learned.

"Okay now watch." You held the board close so it would not roll of.

"I'm watching." He was sitting on the grass. His legs crossed and holding your small backpack between them.

You chuckled at his response. "No watch the board, not me."

"I am."

"No , you're not." You playfully argued back at him.

"How could i not when you're so beautiful ." He complimented you. His eyes not breaking contact with you.

"Hobie-" you were about to sat something, but we're inturpted by his watch ringing.

Hobie's face scrunched up in a mix of annoyance and curiosity as he hears his watch ringing. He looks at you apologetically before checking his watch and answering the call. You could not make out what was being said on the other side of the call.

"Alright, I'll be there in a bit. Just finishing up something with Y/N. Yeah, I got it. Catch you later, man." He ends the call and looks at you, a sheepish grin on his face.

"Sorry, love. Duty calls. Miguel needs some backup for . . . some Spider-Punk business. You know how it is." He stood up and dusted his pants. He was still holding your bag in his hands. He took off his jacket and laid it on the ground before placing your bag on top of it, afraid of getting it dirty.

"I'll make it up to you, I promise. But for now, duty calls." He gently kissed your cheek. Looking at you apologetically one last time before he rushed of to a close location away from preying eyes to open his portal watch.

And you were left alone in the park. You sighed as you held your skateboard close to you and looked at the sun which was starting to set.

One more lap until I go back to studying.

[super-hero-confessions]

"If Clark was a good friend he wouldn't have gaslit Lex when he was institutionalized and made him think he was crazy because he had seen Clark use his powers."

Cool. When did he do this? Exactly?

Oh! Did you mean the episode when Clark was panicking after being seen saving Lex's life and fighting with his parents about saving Lex again cause he wanted to but didn't know what to do or how because of Lionel and his parents and was mostly just stunned and unsure because everyone was screaming at him like he's supposed to have all the answers or is some kind of evil mastermind instead of a kid running around like a chicken with his head cut off?

Great! Alright let's set the record straight.

So this is called a bad faith argument because it's not based on anything truthful or real that happened. It's based on a strawman or fundamentally built on a disingenuous rejection of context and reality.

The people that keep doing this are as gross and toxic as the adults in Clark's life that left him so confused and unsure enough where no matter what actions he took or didn't take everyone guilt tripped him for things he could not control and tried to control him because of what he could do.

Lex's embrace of his darkness had nothing to do with Clark anyway! He fully embraced his darkness and obsession with control after Lexmas. Remember when he saw Lana die and couldn't do shit about it? Yeah that. You don't see people blaming her for something she had no control over although I wouldn't be surprised if they did!

Otherwise Lex was about as toxic about Clark's secret as Lana and Chloe and anyone else who was fricking weird about it! He was way too forgiving with Lana who constantly blamed him for shit he couldn't control but he even got rightfully mad at Chloe for going behind his back and investigating him. He then forgave her because she had enough sense to grow out of that gross entitlement and listen to him and keep her promise instead of breaking it repeatedly and hoping Clark would forgive her.

You know it's interesting that Chloe and Lana don't get brought up considering both ended up in similar situations where Clark actually did choose to remove his secret from their memories.

Huh.

Maybe it's because then people would have to acknowledge his personal trauma when it comes to people knowing his secret and all the danger people who know it face and all the guilt he feels because of it. Or that he's a person who has every right to make boundaries and choose who he decides to let in and how far.

Clark did way more for his friends than most people could ever ask for but somehow it wasn't enough? Giving "how dare he not be perfect and wait on this specific person hand and foot as a personal servant hmph" level of narcissistic entitlement vibes.

The actions that people take are no ones but their own. To blame another person for your own actions is projection and gaslighting. It is textbook abusive behavior so there's a little psychology lesson. Whether they wronged you or not they cannot control what you choose to do in response and that is a fact of life. With exception to mental incapability that is what holds up in court because that is how the law is applied fairly without bias. Context may change what charges are placed but will not negate personal accountability.

The fact that people keep maliciously spreading and trying to normalize this level of abuse and toxicity and false narrative that a child struggling to understand his own place in the world could somehow be held responsible for the actions of the adults and other adjacent adults in his life and life of others is disgusting.

This is justification of abuse and boundary violation and stalking. This is DARVO.

Knock it off.

The only person responsible for Lex's actions at the end of the day is Lex.

He is responsible for his own becoming a villain. That is his. He owns it. No one else.

Not Clark. Not Lana. Not even Lionel after a certain point maybe with exception to making the argument that Lex is legitimately criminally insane. In which case he then should be properly hospitalized for proper treatment as he is without control and danger to both himself and others.

Otherwise? It's just Lex.

Now go listen to Like a Villain by Bad Omens because that's his theme song and enough with this bullshit

[dreamedfyre-a]

i'm pretty sure i've written something to that effect before but i'm writing more and also i can't find the post so

the greens didn't decide impulsively to take the throne when viserys died. that was the plan all along and i think they were all aware of it (to some extent; perhaps reluctant to see it, but aware at some level). of course, i'll never dictate how other muses felt or should feel about it (and takes like show based alicent never having any intention to do so are 100% valid!). but looking at the overall situation, it's blatantly obvious otto was playing the long game from the moment he started parading his daughter as a replacement for aemma, and that he meant to get aegon on the throne one way or another.

the first attempt was trying to get rhaenyra and aegon married, which would achieve his goal and prevent a war of succession. that failed, he clearly didn't give up. alicent's children were raised with that claim for the throne in mind. helaena was married to aegon to further his claim. when viserys died, aemond's first answer is to ask 'is aegon king?'. they all knew it'd come to that.

which is why i can't see (and don't write) helaena being oblivious to her role and what it entails, to how royalty is perceived and how it matters. if anything, i think that's one of the first things helaena had thrust upon her, still as a child; she's a princess and she has to behave like one, and she would have started to understand why it matters then. struggling with it doesn't mean she cannot understand or is unaware. she forces herself to endure and masks the discomfort, to her own detriment, because it's what she had to learn to do.

she takes her duties seriously. she would have always tried to do her best. this extends to her time as queen. i don't think she was an entirely passive queen, nor that she would have been content to simply let alicent take charge of everything (whether that causes conflict or they work together is up for discussion). helaena didn't want to be queen, but she is. and if she is, she'll be the best queen she can be.

from what we know of consorts in asoiaf, it's suggested there's a strong diplomatic element (associated with how they are perceived by court and winning over and keeping the support of relevant lords and houses, as well as dealing with foreign dignitaries), and honestly a strong public relations sort of thing in regards to dealing with the faith and the smallfolk which is where i think she did best, perhaps inadvertently more so than on purpose. when welcomed by the king, queens can also act as advisors (which i'll get to later).

we know the book suggests helaena was greatly loved as a queen (even when the people's opinion of her brothers wasn't as positive). cultivating a positive relationship with the faith and appearing pious (and letting people see that) is part of what would be expected of her, and part she would have no hard time complying to. helaena does follow the faith; her mom did raise her to go to church and pray, to be charitable to those they meet along the way. (and it's such a small thing, but wouldn't it make a difference for people to know their queen kneels in front of the mother above and prays to the same gods they do?)

and it's the same when it comes to charity; people seeing the crown doing something for them makes a difference. people seeing a queen take the time to go to them and help those in need made her loved. while hesitant to be too close to anyone, helaena would neither be unkind nor arrogant if respectfully approached. she's not sociable, but she's gentle and genuine. it's her duty to help these people, and she takes it seriously.

helaena wouldn't be good at all with court politics, though. she knows how to behave and what she should or shouldn't do, but charming people is not something she excels at and if people go off script she struggles with what to do. she doesn't want them near she doesn't want to befriend them and while she is polite and gentle, she doesn't do as well with this.

if organizing events and feasts falls under the responsibilities of queens, this is a task she could handle with help. because helaena doesn't really like big events and what makes them appealing for most people knfkjdnfjkn (this made me think of aegon's feast to celebrate aemond post storm's end though. i don't think she likes the idea of a public celebration at all, and yet she would still prepare it because like i said the other day ultimately she's holding her brothers' hands no matter how bloody they are)

last but not least, i assume aegon wanted her in his council (otherwise she wouldn't be there) and she wanted to be there (otherwise she'd have refused to be there), and that was the standard from the beginning of his rule, which is why she was present the morning they received rhaenyra's terms. like i said, helaena takes her duties seriously; she would do her best to offer informed advice. to keep aegon's impulsiveness and aggressiveness in check, too, as she does re: how to answer to rhaenyra.

i genuinely think aegon and helaena would've worked well together in that sense, finding a middle ground between too impulsive and angry and too passive and diplomatic. i also think she's one of the few people there who'd be genuinely on his side; not the crown, not their own ambitions, because ultimately helaena is in it for her family. it's them she cares about.

of course, this is short-lived. after jaehaerys' death, all she might yet have been seen doing on occasion would be going to the sept, and even that would stop well before rhaenyra takes the city because helaena can't be bothered to leave her room. before that, though, she did take part on her queenly duties. that's what made her loved, and that's what made the commonfolk react viciously to her death.

[niniane17]

Since it's the time of the year that I can't help but remember how, in only forty minutes, D&D managed to destroy a multi million franchise that had been on top of the world for a decade, I want to share something that I only recently found out about the infamous episode titled The Bells. Predictably, it's insanely stupid. I realize this is probably old news for everyone, but I can never miss a chance to make fun of those assholes.

So, by now The Bells episode has been dissed to hell and back, and I have watched and read countless mocking of the godawful script. One thing that stuck with me, though, was the idea that the events were inspired by Edgar Allan Poe's poem also titled The Bells, which I hadn't read.

Now, at the time there were still a lot of people trying to make sense of the show by using any possible fancy-sounding reference they could find, so I didn't think much of it. It did, however, have the unfortunate effect of causing me an aversion towards that poem, which was a shame, since I normally love Poe.

Some time ago I finally managed to get around reading it, and it turns out the D&D apologists were right - only not in the way they thought. I strongly advice to read the whole poem because it's beautiful, but the most relevant stanza is the final one, and it's very evident why:

(highlight mine)

And the people—ah, the people—

       They that dwell up in the steeple,

                 All alone,

        And who tolling, tolling, tolling,

          In that muffled monotone,

         Feel a glory in so rolling

          On the human heart a stone—

 They are neither man nor woman—

     They are neither brute nor human—

              They are Ghouls:

        And their king it is who tolls;

        And he rolls, rolls, rolls,

                    Rolls

             A pæan from the bells!

          And his merry bosom swells

             With the pæan of the bells!

          And he dances, and he yells;

          Keeping time, time, time,

          In a sort of Runic rhyme,

             To the pæan of the bells—

 I have no doubt now that those idiots were inspired by this, especially considering that there's no Night King in the books. What I can't really wrap my head around is how in the fucking world they thought that the above line could apply to Daenerys. This isn't even about thematic relevance, which we know they hate, it's just plot description. If asked "who do you think these lines apply to in Game of Thrones?", nobody, not even the most stident of Dany haters or the most passive of watchers, would answer "Daenerys" in good faith. Even Evil Dany is quite different from the above description. Were D&D really that dumb? My answer is yes, but not in the way I thought at first.

To me, this is further proof the original script WAS very different, until they decided to temper with it for some reason. Whatever scene there was with this poem in mind, it wasn't about Daenerys. But in their arrogance they thought they could just switch things up and everything would work just as well, including the "high literature" reference. This is how they see stories, apparently: just a series of cool images and scenes and fuck everything else, they are for book reports or something. The result is embarassing shit like the above, which really seems like a parody. It's also the definitive proof that it was never, ever about the books not being finished. That was a problem, but not an unsolvable one: after all, they had the original writer right there. It's about D&D not understanding how a story works and not giving a fuck about anything but shallow spectacle.

What a fucking waste.

[oboetemasuka]

Counterattack, phase 3

"Betrayal"

(An "Order of Attack" side story)

@good-beans, when you attack me, you understand that you are liable to get a taste of your own medicine, right? :)))

So... what a nice drabble you have over here... How would you feel if I destroyed it made it flow nicely from your other one?

Oh hey, I finally wrote in Mappi's POV.

(Cw for Amane's cult/child abuse mindset)

-

Mahiru walked through the open door to Shidou's cell, holding two trays of breakfast in her hands. Shidou nodded and gestured to a table, and Mahiru set the trays down.

She looked over at the patients resting on opposite sides of the room, with their injured sides by the respective walls. Uniforms cut for ease of movement, not that they would be moving much. Mahiru had cut her own sleeves during the brief moment of freedom (at Shidou and Yuno's suggestion) so she could help out. Every free hand counts.

Mahiru noticed that Amane's head was turned towards the wall. Could she be awake? She quietly approached and took a seat.

"Oh, Amane-chan… are you-"

"Shiina Mahiru. Why did you betray me?" Full-name basis? Amane's words stung.

"Betray? What do you mean?"

"Why did you take Kirisaki Shidou's side?" Her voice sounded choked. 

"I wasn't taking sides… what is this about?"

Amane turned her head and locked her eye on Mahiru. "You let this happen to me." She gestured to her eyepatch.

Mahiru felt a pang of regret for asking Yuno to come to her cell. "I'm sorry… I would have stayed in Yuno's cell if I knew-"

"That does not matter. You let Kirisaki Shidou take my trial from me." 

Amane put a thumb under her eyepatch to lift it. Mahiru gently pushed her hand away from her eye. "I can't let you-"

"Let go!" Amane shrieked, slapping Mahiru's hand with her other hand. Mahiru withdrew her hand and held it at a distance, then she looked over her shoulder and shook her head so Shidou wouldn't intervene.

"I'm sorry. But I care too much to see you hurt."

"If you care about me, then why would you see me off to my doom?"

"I don't want you to die."

"That is not your place—or that doctor's—to decide. This is my trial alone." She blotted the tears from her left eye. "All I wanted was to be a good girl… No matter how difficult it was to achieve, no matter how painful the trials… and now I can't even hope for that now…"

Mahiru took a moment to figure out what to say. "It's not too late, Amane-chan. You have your whole life ahead of you… well…" She realized Amane wouldn't hear out any more concerns about her health. "…I'm trying to be a good girl too. I've done terrible things… Someone I loved is dead because of me. Is it too late for me?" She looked at Amane hopefully.

Amane took her time to answer. "N-no… It's not."

"Then can you help me out here?" Quiet. "I'd need you to stay alive to help." Still quiet. "Can we be good together?"

Mahiru almost thought that Amane was ignoring her until she mumbled under her breath.

"Shiina Mahiru, You are asking a lot of me. But I care about you very much."

"Hm? I missed that last part. Can you speak up?"

"I said, I see very much potential in you. A lot of innate goodness in you. I suppose, for your sake, I can bend the laws of my faith."

"Thank you, Amane-chan."

It would be a long way to forgiveness, but at least there was a way.

[theblackphoenixwritings]

𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝟏𝟓 - 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐬: 𝐃𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮?

𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬/𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐨 & 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬/𝐃𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐞𝐥 𝐀𝐔/𝐖𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧 - 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟏𝟎

Thorne's silence rang like a bell inside Marius. They walked the road back to Cripple Creek together, he and Thorne in front and Amadeo and Daniel behind them. Thorne seemed locked in thoughts that distressed him, but it was as if he felt, that this was not the place to share them. The slow advance of the horses, brought them near the cemetery that stood just outside the village. Its flayed wall composed of stones that were crumbling, and irons that had bent under the scorching sun, were not a pretty sight to be greeted by. The large beech tree, now dry, cast its dark shadow over the small chapel, which was also in poor condition, only the graves were pultite and tidy, a sign that citizens were visiting their loved ones. Marius had repeatedly argued for the cemetery to be restored, but the answer he always received from the city council was that, that plot of land belonged to the Church, and only the Priest could ask for it to be settled.

And of course Santo had no intention of giving up the alms, which went into his pockets, much less to fix the cemetery. Another reason why Marius hated the man, another reason why Marius wondered why the faithful did not chase him away. Marius slowed his pace until Wise stopped at the cemetery entrance, Thorne left him with a gesture pointing to the sheriff's office, Marius nodded. Daniel stopped beside Wise and stared at the tall figure of Marius entering the cemetery. When he turned around an auburn-haired figure was running after him. Daniel struggled with the idea of stopping him, but then decided to let him go and silently walked with Thorne toward the village.

Amadeo caught up with Marius, standing still, his black hat resting on his chest, and his long blond hair blowing in the wind, his sad eyes staring at the name on one of the many tombstones. Amadeo stopped beside Marius and lifted his face toward him, he knew at once that there rested someone Marius had loved deeply.

"He is my father," Marius explained, without taking his eyes off the tombstone.

"Did you love him?" asked Amadeo, and not because he didn't know, but to give Marius a way if he wanted to tell him about his father. Amadeo did not want to see that distressed expression on Marius' face.

"Oh yes," Marius replied with a smile " Immensely, little one, he was my father, to me he was perfect, even when he wasn't," Marius said, bending his head to the side " One should not be perfect but concrete, dedicated and loving. Without mistakes, none of us learns what to do or how to right a wrong. It is much harder to be able to admit a mistake and apologize and try to be better, than to simply be perfect." continued Marius, looking at Amadeo with his cobalt blue eyes, Amadeo seemed to think hard about those words before nodding.

"It's good to have someone to push you to be better and to support you, even if they make mistakes, in the path you take." he concluded.

"What about you?" asked Marius " Did you love your father?" the question caught Amadeo by surprise and his black eyes stared in wonder at Marius' handsome face. Amadeo seemed to consider his words.

"Yes, I think so. I have never questioned my father except before my faith.I understand now though, a father would want a son to embrace the world by living, and not by deciding to immolate himself. I don't know what became of him, but I think he too, like your father, wanted to see me confront the world and not be swallowed up by it. Whether it was because of my faith or something else matters little. He wanted me to be better, because he knew I could be." A large gloved hand was laid on Amadeo's shoulders, and he clasped Marius.

"Do you want to say a prayer for both of us?" asked Marius. " But don't say it for the dead, say it for the memories and for those left on this earth with an example to follow." concluded Marius.

So as the evening wind, began to sway the dry branches of the beech tree and raise the dust, Amadeo's words embraced his and Marius' hearts and reached out to those who were lovingly remembered on this earth.

"Come on, little one, I need to talk to Thorne, I think there's big trouble on the horizon," Marius said, trying to hide his concern. Amadeo looked at him with the eyes of a boy who is looking at the one important person in his life.

" Do you think I can be better?" asked Amadeo. Marius laughed, a cheerful laugh, different from his usual low rough laugh.

" What about you little one? Do you think I can be better?" asked Marius in reply.

" Mh.... I think we can work on this together." winked Amadeo.

"Shut up," mouthed Marius, covering Amadeo's face with his hat. Amadeo's laughter resounded in the silence of the cemetery, cheerful and spontaneous.

They reached Thorne and Daniel who had settled in the sheriff's office. The pot of coffee was always hot, and a bottle of whiskey had been opened and left on the desk, on top of various papers and documents. Marius grabbed the whiskey bottle and took a long sip, before putting it back on the table and leaning against the large wooden desk, behind which Thorne was sitting. Daniel was sitting on a stool in front of the fireplace, which was lit; the temperature dropped a lot at night; if they were to stay there and get organized, the fireplace was essential. Amadeo sat quietly as close as possible to Marius.

" What were you doing at the canyon my friend?" asked Marius quietly as he tried to organize his ideas.

" I've been looking for you, things here have been falling apart fast, I was hoping to meet you on the way back. And before you take me back, I wouldn't have left town if I hadn't heard rumors of strange deaths, and God only knows what the heck is going on! I could only hope to find you, and I was extremely worried. Tom came here to tell me that a whole herd was found dead, and they can't explain how, Tom says it's an epidemic of I don't know what. The stagecoach arrived and there was no one on board Marius. The horses arrived, exhausted and sweaty, scared to death, but there were no people and not even John and Grey to drive it. There was luggage, weapons, even the day's newspaper and a pair of binoculars. But the people? Gone. The train only started arriving at night, and it looks deserted, no lights, no music, no voices, nothing. And a guy as pale as death itself drives it! Never seen him before. Jack has come to tell me that macabre sounds and mysterious noises are coming from the old mine. No one passes by there anymore. You can well understand, therefore my concern, when I did not see you come back." Thorne looked devastated and really confused by the whole situation. Marius exchanged a look with Amadeo and Daniel.

"What's going on Marius?" asked Thorne.

"If I knew where to start, but first of all please believe me, my friend, what I am about to tell you is absolutely true and I have seen it with my own eyes." And Marius told the whole story, the rescue of Amadeo, the escape, until his reunion with Daniel. The bewilderment on Thorne's face gradually increased to the point that he turned pale and brought a hand to his mouth.

"So tomorrow we have to go and talk to Mr. Carson and we also have to investigate about Santo and his church," concluded Marius, who was puzzled as Thorne began to shake his head.

" Those who attacked us in the canyon cannot be Mr. Carson's men," Thorne asserted decisively, Marius suddenly silent, unsure what to do.

" Really my friend, it's just not possible," Thorne asserted with conviction.

" And why is that?" blurted Marius, who was confused, by that confidence of Thorne's.

"Because he is dead, Marius. Mr. Carson is dead." said Thorne, staring into Marius's blue eyes.

" One of his people came, the second day since you left. He said that Madame Eudoxia, sent him to warn us, that Mr. Carson died of a strange illness, which took him to the grave in three days. Their whole estate is afflicted with this disease. Madame Eudoxia took over upon the death of her husband, and apparently managed to survive the epidemic. Now they are trying to contain it." finished Thorne, leaning toward Marius.

"Did this emissary come at night?" asked Daniel from his corner, continuing to stare into the fire. Thorne looked puzzled then nodded.

"Damn it!" blurted Marius, who calmed down when Amadeo rested his hand on his arm.

" That's not all my friend," Thorne continued," I thought this was the lighter side, but I understand you know something I don't." Marius sat down and stretched his legs under the desk, seemingly deep in thought.

" I had to take the worshippers out of the church." Marius looked up and stared at Thorne in disbelief.

"Saint had locked them all in, babbling that a prophet had returned and shown himself to him. He spoke of a blood queen who had come to rule the World and show the way to God. Things to make your skin crawl! He spoke of fire and flames and blood, offerings and sacrifices. People got scared, they started screaming. It was terrible. Santo looked possessed, spirited, almost unrecognizable. His eyes were those of a madman. Rachel's family stayed, and Donna's family stayed too. No wonder, you know how attached they are to the Church, but I thought they would understand that Santo is up to something extremely dark. But they want to stay." Thorne poured himself a cup of hot coffee." There now you know everything. So tell me what do we do?"

" Are the people in the church safe?" asked Marius.

"I don't think Santo has harmed them," Thorne added.

" Tomorrow I will try to talk to him, and in the evening we will scout out Mr. Carson's lands. And God help us all, if what I fear is the reality we should face."

[randomfoggytiger]

Alpha In-Depth (Part II): An Inversion of Roles

Tumblr has finally allowed me to finish up Part II (you can find Part I here)-- but let's not fiddle-faddle so we can get straight into this!

Picking up where Part I left off, Scully arrives on the next crime scene just before an attack happens. While investigating the property, she finds a photo from Karin, once again placing her within Scully's scope for the crime. She's diverted from further analysis by a scream; but she is too late to save the next victim. Alerting Mulder, she takes the initiative to call paramedics (while also wielding her gun.)

They both miss the shapeshifting canid right next to them.

Scully decides her next course of action is to confront Karin Berquist; who is, she's convinced, behind the crimes in an attempt to gain attention and love from Mulder, exploiting his friendship for her own schemes. This go-for-the-throat protectiveness (the dog puns continue) that Scully shields her partner with is not new; but it has hardened, become more blunt in the aftermath of Diana Fowley. While the emotions of that situation have been worked through and processed, Scully is not convinced of Mulder's ability to judge people's character rightly-- not like she used to be. This case restores a good chunk of that faith, but only after Mulder has been proven half-right and manipulated yet again.

"Where's Fox?" asks Karin.

"Continuing his investigation," Scully cryptically answers.

"You're not working together?"

"No," she responds decidedly, "this is my investigation."

"Of?"

"You."

Something I found unintentionally funny is that Scully starts out the conversation as the dominant aggressor (the alpha, heheh dog puns), cornering Karin and nicely scooting a dog out of her designated interrogator's chair.

Scully puts all her cards on the table: she has figured out that Berquist is dying, and that her eccentric habits are effects of her intensifying illness. And while she sympathizes with Karin's situation, she refuses to let a dying woman use her partner as a last-minute consolation prize-- something Scully protected him against even when she herself was dying from an incurable disease.

What is fascinating is that Scully has taken upon herself Mulder's role: confronting and understanding a potential witness with her expertise and sympathizing with said victim-- even if they are in the wrong for their human actions-- but forcing them to face the uncomfortable truth about their actions and consequences.

A refrain from Rain King pops back up again as she continues:

"With Mulder you found somebody you could communicate with. Someone who challenged you."

However, this moment is swallowed up by her following accusations:

"But that wasn't enough, you needed to lure him out here."

Karin doesn't deny it, and places all her cards on the table, having made as close a study of Scully as Scully has made of her: "I lack your feminine wiles."

Scully, caught and embarrassed, licks her lips and looks away.

Rallying, she asks, "You don't believe it, do you?"

Karin is vague, implying that the creature would have to be "more cunning than man" to survive for over a century.

"More cunning than you?" Scully pointedly asks. She furthers her statement by a warning: "I'm watching you." Her threat, though, lacks any bite (dog puns), mildly stated in compassionate warning. To Karin's "You watch but you don't see," she has nothing further to add.

After another another crime has been committed, Mulder begins to question his loyalty to Karin Berquist. He drops in, petting her dogs and delightedly chuckling when they obey his tongue-click to vacate a seat for him. Settling in, he begins to interrogate Karin on her tactics, hinting that he's been misled.

Mulder dodges her honest admission of her feelings ("I've been honest with you, though perhaps not myself. I was looking forward to meeting you-- I wouldn't admit how much") with a head duck, redirecting the conversation back to the case at hand;

and reads between the lines, realizing that Karin knows the murderer is Detweiler (the man who "transported" the mythical beast across seas.)

"So you knew that and didn't say?" he questions, his tone harsher and less forgiving in the face of all those senseless deaths.

Berquist carefully disguises her plan with false transparency, redirecting Mulder to track down and kill the animal by playing into his heroism (stating Scully's tail on Detweiler will be lost before she realizes it.)

He leaps up awkwardly, reaching for the phone to make a call, unsure how to address the more personal issues between them (and still annoyed and a little hurt that he'd been left in the dark-- not realizing how deftly he is being handled now.) Karin still hopes; but it dies again when she realizes he's called Scully, talking to her in low tones as if they're in a private conversation. Berquist at her 'I Want To Believe' poster with grim intention, affirming her decision.

When Mulder stalks into the hospital (nodding his head sideways at his partner), he is met with a bored, slumped over Scully straight out of Bad Blood (or Chimera), petulance and charm all rolled into one: "Tell me why you pulled me away from the suspect and chained me to this chair?"

Scully is actually, literally pouting that she couldn't be on active surveillance and had to sit idly by with no real reason other than Mulder said to.

Mulder is amused but wisely keeps it under wraps, motioning at the chair in invitation ("It's not yet dark-- you should take a load off. We might be here all night.") and incidentally waving her magazine pages around with wind current from his fingers. He rambles about staying longer, "it" being Detweiler, and his other string of reasons while Scully stands aghast that they're staying... until her partner whips out the monster theory ("Mulder.")

Scully is not one for blood curses: "So, what is he gonna do-- walk in here, skitter across the linoleum, and pee in the corners?"

Mulder can't hold back a big smile at that, looking away briefly to smile more fondly before it's back full-force and staying... though that doesn't stop him from taking the time correct her mistaken assumption ("It's about territoriality.")

Then, after properly informing her about alpha behavior, Mulder scoots back in his chair and lounges enticingly.

Scully cuts through this comfy zone by insisting he not listen to his new friend-- "The only person Karin is interested is in you." And, while briefly flattered by the truth in that statement, Mulder sinks into discomfort, never one to enjoy personal problems or unhappy endings.

"You're kidding yourself if you think she hasn't manipulated this entire situation for her own purposes."

He is unconvinced, silently crowing over being right by picking at his tie-- "He'll come here tonight, Scully, you'll see."

Then he motions to the chair again, the picture of ennui, reaching for her magazine when she doesn't comply at first (those Arcadia lack of boundaries coming into play.) Territorial to the last of her things (dog puns, gotta love 'em), Scully swoops in to snatch up her only source of entertainment. Mulder is miffed by her cancellation of his dibs, enviously watching its journey all the way back down to the chair as his partner plops, resigned, next to him.

Mulder is so smug because he is "proving" that he's right about his judgment concerning personal relationships. He knows Diana Fowley is a stain on his record (and Pheobe and Deep Throat, a bit, and informants, and various people on sundry cases); but wants to prove he is 'wiser' than a short time ago and can safely discern his allies from his foes. Moreover, he is proving to Scully that her enhanced concern and distrust of his friend-picking abilities is no longer needed because he's good to go.

As the night crawls on, Mulder finally gets two things: Scully's magazine and a clue. Realizing he'd been duped yet again, he looks at his watch, crestfallen; then stands to softly bop Scully-- who is snoring softly beside him-- to wakefulness with this episode's equivalent of a rolled-up newspaper. (Because this episode is relentless with dog puns and references.)

Mulder grimly confirms, "He's not coming."

Scully takes a second to wake fully, agreeing, "Well, you've got no argument from me"-- an attempt at some levity for his sake.

Mulder passes it over. "He's not coming here tonight. Karin knew that. She lied to me."

Scully wisely lets that one pass without comment, even if Mulder had already power-walked away in his disappointment.

Mulder and Scully arrive too late, appalled at finding the impaled bodies of the mythic monster (Detweiler) in Karin's front lawn.

Mulder looks at Karin's window, afraid she might be injured inside; but Scully's low "Mulder..." turns his focus back. The two of them identify the body, then see Karin's at the same time.

Mulder looks to Scully for confirmation, or any hope; but when Scully cannot do anything for Berquist, he remains impassive, only slightly shaking his head.

An odd ending for an odd woman.

The last scene is back in the basement, Mulder stressfully supporting his head in his hands (with his pencils untouched, a sign of true distress.)

Scully doubles back like their first scene together, asking, with an encouraging smile-- "You going home?"

Mulder inhales sharply, having been caught in the midst of silent mourning. "Ah... pretty soon," he says, self-consciously rubbing his eyes with the backs of his knuckles before almost crumpling again.

Scully isn't fooled, calmly walking in and asking, "You think this is your fault."

Mulder stumbles over his response at first, quiet in his self-abasement: "I think that I... believed her very quickly. I think that was my fault, yeah." His shame over failing, again, at picking friends and trusting people is overwhelming.

Seeing that this will not be an easy fix, Scully prepares herself for an emotional confession, rounding the desk to penetrate his sorrow and bring healing. Mulder knows this, too, and sits back, settling in for a Scully tete-a-tete: using logic to unwind his keyed up and self-punishment.

"Why wouldn't you believe her?"

Mulder uses her logic from earlier: "I barely knew her."

Scully doesn't deny that, but gives flavors it with nuance: "Well, she had a lot of secrets, that's for sure." She pauses to steel herself, looking up and away before recentering on her partner-- "I think Karin Berquist lived by her instincts. She seized people up pretty quickly and I think she figured you out to a T."

He is not flattered by that assessment, only more hideously chastising himself on the inside.

Scully slowly reveals her true meaning: "I think she saw in you a kindred spirit, Mulder." When he turns to her, eyes tearily glazed at her tenderness and understanding of his complicated feelings over this complicated situation, she continues, "She may not have been able to express that to you... maybe what she did was the highest form of compliment."

Mulder dips again, expelling a breath and playing with his nails again. There are too many painful paths to consider there, and all of them lead to Karin's loneliness at the end of her life and how Mulder couldn't-- can't-- fit into "it", yet.

Scully understands all this, of course (she always has); and after a comedic non-answer is given to her chummy "You gonna be okay?", she gives him a Paper Hearts smirk of acknowledgement.

Before she leaves, Scully gives Mulder a piece of Karin-- and herself-- that he can accept and cherish: "Oh-- this came for you."

Mulder's curiosity is ignited as Scully hands over a rolled up paper, briefly pulling him out of the slums of grief. When he sees it's from Berquist Kennels, Mulder steals a glance at his partner; but she's already fled halfway out of the door, jamming her coat on in her haste and not looking back. He knows she knows and is giving him space; but he doesn't know she knows what it is.

As Mulder unfurls his gift, he realizes it's a copy (or rendition) or his destroyed 'I Want To Believe' poster; and quickly-- but carefully-- tacks it up in his cozy underground not-unlike-a-Tooms nest.

As he sits back contemplating his motto, the events that led up to today, and all of the factors in between, Mulder-- though still not quite himself-- is resettled, at home. (It takes him a bit to realize home isn't in the basement anymore; but he'll figure it out.)

Thank you for reading~

Enjoy!

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

I dont understand why these people keep sending you asks if its clear that they have their mind set already, like why make somebody explain themselves if you arent willing to listen.

Btw, neteyamer anon, even if spider didnt save quaritch the Rda will still be hunting the sullies, literally nothing would have changed.

Completely agree, anon. It's not a question asked in good faith. I always try to give the benefit of the doubt and answer the question (even though this time I'm aware I was being very rude as well, but that's also just me) but moving the goal posts and ignoring all of my points is just pushing a narrative, it's not a discussion.

A great point as well! I almost brought that up and then decided it wasn't worth it, as just Quaritch himself does represent a lot of pain and suffering for the Sully's. But absolutely, the main threat and all the main issues are still totally present if he died. It's just narratively not as entertaining.

[hatepersonals]

New Age -> Christianity

Regard this as an open letter, a personal testimony, and an invitation.

I recognize that when an individual first starts on the spiritual path, they encounter many bad faith actors, that whether for monetary gain, or misguided intentions, lead people astray onto a path of confusion and deceit. Acknowledging the existence of such bad actors, I lay before you my sole purpose and motive in writing this.

I followed new age spirituality, it constantly confused me, lead me astray with false teachings and because I had such a bad experience with Christianity, I refused to go anywhere near it or believe other people when they pointed me towards it. Finally after being lied to, I came to Christ in the most personal manner I could. I read the bible on my own, because I didn't want my family to "right" I came to my own personal decisions, and asked for God to show me a sign so that I know I'm going in the right direction. He showed me a sign and I didn't believe it, so I asked for another, then he showed me another, then I asked for another sign, and eventually after 7 or 8 signs I finally got the memo. I believed in him, read his word so that I could understand him, and I truly believe it saved my soul. I'm writing this to offer that same thing to you.

And because clarity is my main and only objective goal here I'd like to make something as clear as possible, and answer some super common questions in the most upfront manner possible.

"I've seen hundreds of signs, or my tarot reading/mystic stuff has been spookily correct. How am I supposed to believe that stuff wasn't real?" - I don't deny any of the stuff you're saying, witchcraft isn't denied in the Bible, in fact it's existence is mentioned multiple times. However, none of it, no matter how fascinating or interesting, is going to save your soul.

"I grew up in the church, but it never felt right for me and all this stuff feels like it makes a lot more sense/I've had such a bad experience with "Christians" that I have religious trauma, and this stuff makes me feel much more comfortable." - Was the exact same way, but I'd only come to know Christ through other people, or through long boring church services which I'd rather eat dirt than sit through. Waking up early Sunday morning and forced into a pew to listen to a pastor talk about all the bad ways your living your life and calling you a sinner, when you're just 10 years old and want to go back to bed is a shared experience. It's just as awful for me as an adult as it was then. A quote I heard once goes a long the lines of "I'd rather be in the mountains thinking about God, then in the church thinking about the mountains." and while I don't claim to have God's actual input, I'd imagine he feels the same way about worship, he is the God of love. For the second questions, yes for me it felt much more comfortable, it was fun doing tarot readings and I honestly enjoyed them, but when I came to God I still wanted to do them, and I decided to ask his opinion, because, yknow, he did create me and everything. What I came to realize is all of those practices are actively inviting other spirits besides God into your life, call them demons, call them spiritual entities, regardless, he is a jealous God. Not that he gets mad at you for doing it and punishes you, but more so that he's very protective of those he loves. And none of the spirits you let in through these things have any type of good intentions, no matter how fun and inviting it looks. Here's some scripture that might help you understand that this is nothing new;

2 Corinthians 11: "Does this mean that I do not love you? God knows it doesn’t, but I am determined to maintain this boast, so as to cut the ground from under the feet of those who profess to be God’s messengers on the same terms as I am. God’s messengers? They are counterfeits of the real thing, dishonest practitioners, “God’s messengers” only by their own appointment. Nor do their tactics surprise me when I consider how Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is only to be expected that his agents shall have the appearance of ministers of righteousness—but they will get their deserts one day."

We see that our adversary, or Satan, will masquerade as an angel of light, or imitate the divine in an attempt to mislead you. But I promise you, that path only leads to confusion, doubt, and deceit.

With those out of the way, here is where I'm going to give you some of the hard to digest statements. Whether you've been in spirituality for a long time, or are new to it and just curious about stuff, when coming to Christ, there's a few really hard to digest truth's. I say this because I didn't believe the people who told me these things and had to learn myself the hard way.

Crystals, rocks, tarot cards, spells, talking to spirits, necromancy, familiar spirits (burning sage to cleanse aura's/driveaway bad spirits) are all forms of witchcraft/sorcery/idolization, again not because we hate them but its for your spiritual protection. The same way no matter how upset a dog gets, we still don't feed them chocolate because we love them, God is the same way. Those practices open up doors for spirits with very bad intentions. I love rocks, I love crystals, you can certainly have them, but it's when you belief or through having faith in these things that those doors open.

Now, onto manifestation which is a big question. I'll give you my best opinion on it, and relevant scriptures that helped me come to my conclusion.

"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

As you can see, this is certainly no new concept. Modern day manifestation is sort of a cheap knock off version of Christianity. A reoccurring concept you'll start to notice is the devil loves to do knock-off's or imitations of God's good things. But in the same way you "manifest" something and a lot of times it comes with some price tag or you get it, but it ends up hurting you in the long run. Proverbs 10:22 says, “The blessing of the LORD makes rich, and he adds no sorrow with it” so while it may not feel as quick or that it takes longer (which it really doesn't most of the time, God's pretty quick, he's been doing this thing for awhile) when you're gifted it, it has no extra attachments. That is, it's only for your good, and is carefully timed so that it arrives at the very best possible time for you.

And God's not some big snatcher of fun or in any way against being spiritual, in fact he's entirely the opposite;

"But if you keep on biting and devouring one another, watch out, or you will be consumed by one another. So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh craves what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh."

Also, he gives us spiritual gifts;

"word of wisdom, word of knowledge, faith, gifts of healing, working of miracles, prophecy, distinguishing spirits, various kinds of tongues, and interpretation of tongues."

Besides just this, he's also known for being very generous with wisdom, and that may sound boring but trust me, a little bit of wisdom from God himself, helps you out more than you could possibly think.

Also, one of the best things that he does is gives you easy access to his word. If you have a question, look around in the bible, no matter how obscure or stupid it might sound, I'm willing to bet he's probably got a neat little solution in there for whatever problem.

One of my personal favorites is "2 Timothy 1:7 - For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind" so basically, if you're ever scared, worried, confused, anxious, or any of the above about something or someone, we know that God doesn't give us that spirit, so if it's not from God, then it's more than likely from the devil. And, last I checked, we don't really listen to the devil, he got kicked out of heaven, and he's also after your soul, so don't take advice from someone you wouldn't take criticism from.

Also, just as interesting, is this

“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you”

God's no stranger to questions, nor to doubt. If you're ever not sure about something, or have a question feel free to pray and ask. Also, when you're doubting anything, even if it feels silly, just ask him. The devil want's you to feel bad for doubting God's existence or God's goodness, but God won't get upset or mad at you for being not sure. That's when you get closer to him, if you start getting upset or feel like he's not there, or listening, that's some of the best times to let him know how you feel. While he does know all your thoughts, he wants to hear them from you, and how you think about it. Always remember, that God understands whatever situation you're in much better than you even do, no matter how silly or confusing it is, just pray and ask for clarity or a little bit of help. Often times he'll shine a light on something you forgot about, or overlooked, and put a good thought in your head to point you towards the right direction.

If you've been using tarot cards, or any other forms of future telling, you probably have a divination spirit in you, it's through that spirit that you've been "future telling" or other things of that nature. But, it's basically the knock off devil version of the holy spirit, which literally knows everything, can guide you in ways you can't imagine, and all the other gifts as well. It's a piece of God's very own spirit that he puts in you, free of charge, to have direct connection with him.

"Okay, I like all the things you're telling me, but what's the catch? And what's up with Jesus, why haven't you mentioned him?"

One of the most important things Christians believe in, is that our God is a god of love. We consider the entire Bible a love letter from God so that we can know him better. Through the bible we learn his character, how he is, and why certain things are the way they are. The old testament was during a pretty rocky time with our relationship with him. Much more on our part than his. But God doesn't give up and wants his people to know him and for him to be known by them. It's a testament to how much God loves us even at our worst. Throughout it, multiple prophets and people point towards the coming of a messiah, or a savior. That through him, God will be reunited with his people.

Since we recognize all the gifts and miracles the holy spirit gives us, it also performed a miracle in the virgin Mary. Conceiving within her, Jesus. After his birth, he led a perfect life, that is, because of his attachment to the holy spirit, he embodied the closest thing to God in human form. Even with all this power, instead of using it maliciously or to gain anything, he decided to serve instead. In all of his action lowering himself so that he could help other people, and in a society where power was defined through wealth or status, he flipped that entirely on it's head. Instead, he said that true power came through serving other people, and being a living example of that. Through miracles and signs, he showed not his power, but the power of God working through him. He was crucified however, even though he was entirely innocent, but in doing so he bore the weight of all sin. Essentially, giving access to God through all people that believe in him, and that by doing so, he washes us of our sins, and allows God to see us as he saw him, holy and blameless.

John 3:16: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

Now the catch? Imagine you're hunting, and you come across a dead deer. You're not going to shoot at it and it's not what you're after. That's how the devil views you. To him, he's already got you. He's pretty upset that he got kicked out, so he's trying to take as many people down with him. Whenever he sees you he gets that kick of satisfaction knowing he already cut you off from your inheritance. But when you accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior, he hates it. Not that he'll target you super specifically, but he'll mainly start targeting that belief essentially asap. Whether sending doubts and worries or things like that, but like when you see bad guys in a video game and you know you're going the right way, that's one of the best signs that you've done the right thing and use it to strengthen your faith.

Okay, so if you're still with me, you've checked everything out, and you've made a personal decision to come to God, here's the best course of action I can recommend;

Your first step is simply to believe, really think on it though, study as much as you need and come to this decision on your own, don't just believe me, look through the bible and see if it's something that you're interested in, again you don't have to have perfect faith, all it requires is the faith of a mustard seed. If you can give him that much, and open your heart to it, then he's really good at doing the rest.

The moment you believe and accept Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior, most people say it out loud or to yourself or pray. An easy one goes like this "Dear heavenly father, I accept Jesus Christ as my personal lord and savior. I pray that you gift me your holy spirit, to guide me in my walk with Christ, and show me a (pink rose, elephant, yellow square, etc..) to strengthen my faith it would be greatly appreciated, in Jesus name I pray, amen."

Patience, persistence, and faith are some good things to focus on. Try to read the bible as much as you can and be in a state of gratitude. The holy spirit is given to you essentially the very second you've accepted Jesus as your personal lord and savior, and now you need to give it some room to breathe. Listen to worship music that you might've heard, and honestly, you have to unharden your heart and be willing to look silly. The best way to come to God is not extremely mature and will all your wisdom and stuff, but just open your heart and tell him how you feel. 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you"

Now, just pray from there. Ask God to help you read the bible and understand certain things, research it and just delve into it. Really, go full in. You have nothing to lose, but also be willing to be convicted by the holy spirit. That is as you read through the bible you might notice some of the words seem to sting a little bit because they apply to you, don't take it personally instead realize that God wouldn't chastise you if he didn't love you. It's basically direct advice from the creator of the universe on things you can be doing better, what better person to get guidance from?

[gay-otlc]

Hi!! I'm the anon from before who asked (in good faith) for your view point on how antis are harmful for folks with OCD and I wanted to again thank you, and to apologize if my ask started anything with these other anons or taxxed you in anyway.

From your answer, It seems we agree completely, and your reasoning is why I don't engage with the labels or discourse at all. I think when people use those labels and stick to these harsh " X makes you a bad person FOREVER" , in many cases, we lose the nuance necessary to prevent actual harm. We lose focus that that is the end goal; to decrease harm and support people at ALL LEVELS, not just the ones that make you comfy, not to play judge and jury about every single thing that makes you uncomfy.

My partner and I both have ocd (I've only recently begun to accept that label for myself) and I struggle with similar issues to what you've described on your blog. I want you to know that the posts you make have genuinely soothed me in a way I didn't know I would get to have. In a way that makes me ready to REALLY start being honest in therapy abt the dark stuff. In a way that makes me hopeful. You talking about how even compulsions and genial responses aren't me and my actual brain made me want to cry in relief. I could say so much more honestly, but I'm a little overstimulated rn and starting to ramble.

I'm only still on anon bc im really anxious and paranoid about digital footprint and online harassment but I can use an emoji or smth idk if you do that im - thank you for reading!!

-😵‍💫

Hello 😵‍💫 anon! I'm happy to have helped, and it's not your fault the other anons are showing up. This is tumblr, this is what I expected. I would have never posted about this if I wasn't prepared for the possibility of assholes in my inbox.

You're so right! We are not the judge and jury! None of us as individuals have the right to decide what type of dark fiction is okay and when it gets immoral and it's okay but only if we interrogate this person about their past and verify that they're traumatized enough and where we draw the line and who's acceptable and who's not! Individuals who think they have that right use that against minorities, which is why it's important to fight censorship even for those people.

Anyway, I'm really glad you're ready to start being honest in therapy. It's a difficult process and I'm not totally there yet but it's really important and I'm happy for you.

I totally understand the paranoia about this, people on the internet suck. Staying on anon is fine :)