#i understand it’s a female socialization thing

[anna-mellgren]

I have been asked about my different experiences living in different countries a lot so I will share my thoughts here.

America: I partially grew up in the USA so I never experienced a proper culture shock in the USA because I was so young when we lived there the first time.  I just noticed the differences from Sweden instead. Americans are so friendly so any homesickness was always cushioned by that. I just accepted America for what it was but it is obviously a lot more conservative & religious than Sweden. Americans can be super friendly but sometimes that friendliness can be a little superficial… swedes are more reserved but more loyal instead when you get to know them well. Female athletics is more developed in the USA which I liked. I had a good school experience and probably had a more chill time than most people had in high school.

France: I only lived in Paris for 6 months and I mostly hung out with international students who were studying french so I am not sure I can give a super accurate opinion of france. I got to know a few french people through a friend and they were similar to swedes in a way… they are very liberal, they ride their mopeds, they like soccer, they have a healthy aversion towards religion, they are not huge fans of loud people etc. Parisians are very cosmopolitan people and I got on really well with the ones I got to know.  I know parisians have a reputation for being rude and they are rude to tourists lol but honestly, the amount of tourists in Paris is insane. Even I, as a foreigner, could get annoyed with them at times. I liked to run by the Seine river and tourists would try to stop me mid-run in order to take their pictures? Why couldn’t you find another tourist to do that for you when I am clearly running? I think the french are similar to swedes with being reserved but very kind and loyal once you get to know them. I think being reserved can sometimes come off as being rude if you don’t understand the culture.

Ireland: I think I suffered a big culture shock in Ireland. Before then I had a slightly naïve/american view that european countries are more similar than they actually are? I think Ireland has to be one of the most extrovert countries in Europe while Sweden is probably the most reserved… so that is a clear cultural difference. I used to think americans could be chatty & loud but some irish people are like americans on steroids. Sweden is one of the most atheist countries while Ireland is one of the most religious countries in Europe. Sweden is probably the most liberal and Ireland is one of the most ~historically~ conservative countries in Europe. Ireland has become a lot more liberal recently but I think Sweden is farther ahead on certain things… especially when it comes to sexism & behavior between the sexes.

Ireland had a certain lad culture when I was there which was honestly a bit unhinged. I know there are bad apples in Sweden but I don’t think their bad behaviour is accepted in Sweden as it is in Ireland.  I think the lad culture at university is exacerbated by a lot of people going to catholic girls & boys schools while growing up so they don’t interact with each other as much as they do in mixed schools in sweden & the USA. It was like they didn’t know how to behave towards each other? The emotional intelligence just wasn’t there at times. The banter sometimes went too far and became bullying in my opinion. The way guys talked about girls really got on my nerves too…not about me specifically but just girls in general. I remember there was a girl in my course who slept with a guy and the stuff I saw written on social media and what was said in real life really shocked me. My one irish friend said it was just “banter” and I would say no… it was stone-cold misogyny/sexism. I would then be labeled as “someone who didn’t understand banter” but Ireland legalized divorce & decriminalized marital rape in the 1990s (which is actually insane) so to be honest I don’t think they have the upper hand when it comes to defining misogyny? Their humor is based on slagging each other off which is fine but I sometimes think people took it too far... I prefer swedish humor which is more based on self deprecation & is a bit similar to british humor.  I think I was not willing to adjust and that caused me problems but I think the school culture as a whole was more toxic compared to where I had lived before. I think I got a bit unlucky with a few people to be brutally honest and I don’t think my experience resembles Ireland as a whole but the culture was a bit harsh. I remember girls rating each other on social media with bitchy comments on their friends' pictures by writing “6/10”… people who were friends with each other? None of us look like Adriana Lima but why put each other down? Or make someone feel mediocre? Some girls were seriously vain and judgemental & I missed the strong feminist sisterhood I felt in Sweden or the sisterhood I felt in sports in America. To be clear, many irish girls were genuinely nice & perfectly fine human beings but a few definitely gave off the vibe that I belonged with my fellow foreigners in the course. Every time I kissed a guy there would be random guys taking pictures of me and post it god knows where? Guys I didn’t even know? Just to gossip or slutshame me for kissing someone? They did this to everyone, not just me.

People in my course made facebook groups and wrote mean things about people who were not in the groups… just things like that. I came from a super laid-back enviornment with very opened-minded people so I had a hard time adjusting to this harsher, sometimes hostile, environment. I don’t think I was a specific target but I didn’t feel comfortable there. One day I was walking down the street and a passing car threw eggs at me?  I have pretty good eye-sight so I saw the ex-girlfriend of a guy I knew in the car…I think I got hit because I had kissed him a few months before. Stuff like this just doesn’t happen in Sweden. I lived in a smaller city and maybe I would've been happier in a more cosmopolitan place like Dublin. I think there are many great people in Ireland but I found the university culture to be very gossipy, mean, judgemental & cliquey. They all thought it was normal but it rubbed me the wrong way. Looking back I think some people were just immature and have probably changed a lot. To be fair, I never gave it a real shot because I was unhappy and struggling with autoimmune issues. Not all people were like this but when you find yourself in a place where you don’t know anyone and a few people treat you in a very bad way then it can have a big impact. I think people matured with the years and chilled out a bit to be fair but I never experienced it because I left. I have met many great irish people so in a way I just think I was unlucky and perhaps would’ve had a different experience if I stuck it out. Not all people were bad in my course either, the majority were perfectly fine people but I think initially the people who had lived in this city their entire life were unbothered with making friends or being friendly. I think they branched out later on. I think I had lived in a bubble before then and I had just never experienced anyone mean before? Which is probably a bit bizarre too, to be honest. My school experience before then was people being either nice to me or neutral… like I was just another human on planet earth.  In my honest opinion, I think some irish people are like Conor Mcgregor and truly embrace lad culture but there are also plenty of irish people who are salt of the earth and have the same aura as Cillian Murphy. I would even say the majority of irish people are like Cillian Murphy. I think Ireland has a unique culture, people are generally friendly despite my experience & the nature is beautiful. My mental health suffered that year and I moved home which was definitely the right decision for me. I should’ve been more social but I didn’t have the mental or physical strength with my anemia. I knew a norwegian girl in ireland who seemed to love everything about it and I always compared myself to her. I felt like a bit of a failure for feeling like I did until I met a danish girl who had a far worse experience than me in Ireland and it was a bit comforting to know I was not alone in how I felt. I think experiences are subjective & overall I learned a lot. I don’t dislike Ireland or irish people at all, to the contrary actually… I just didn’t have a great experience. In a way, I think moving home to Sweden was a long-time coming.  

Argentina: I think south americans in general are very welcoming and warm people. However- Argentina, like many other South American countries, have problems with corruption & crime etc but people are very loving. You will hopefully be fine if you just take some extra precautions but I think you have to be very mindful as a woman and be careful. Don’t get into taxis alone. Watch your drink on nights out. Don’t drink too much and always be in full control. Never leave a friend behind. Just stuff like that. I came to Argentina with limited spanish & lived with an argentine host family. All of my argentine classmates spoke terrible english which was great for me because I was forced to learn spanish. I was put in a class and the girls in this class took me in as one of their own. They brought me everywhere and I was their swedish mascot who just tagged along everywhere lol. I was treated really well and still keep in touch with them today. They said I was less shy after 5 months but it was not until then that I could understand what they were saying lol. Argentine families sometimes have limited means but they truly taught me the value of making the most of what you are given and making the best of what you have. I volunteered with handicapped children during my time there and these kids would correct my spanish non-stop which was great. My Argentine friends were too lazy to correct my grammar lol. I went running with a blind 14-year-old boy who had developed an eye disease just years earlier and I think this volunteer work really put life in perspective for me. Overall I had a great time in Argentina. I had the classic experience of falling in love, traveling, going to school & just being fully immersed in argentine culture. I will always look back at that year as one of the best years of my life. I think being an exchange student in high school is very different compared to being an exchange student at university. You’re still so young when you’re in high school and people are not as independent yet. You really get to experience family life, school life & the youth culture when you go as an exchange student in high school. I later lived in Buenos Aires for 6 months and studied at university during my gap year after living in Paris. I had a great time in Buenos Aires but I think my high school experience was more unique. I loved Buenos Aires though & the girls in my course would invite me to BBQs etc and I had a great time.

These are my experiences of my adventures living abroad. I would urge everyone to travel because nothing makes you appreciate home quite like living abroad. Or perhaps you will find a new home if the home you grew up in made you unhappy.

one thing about me……..i am hyperaware of the Vibes

[thoughfullovercreator]

Sorry not sorry. But some people need to read this.

Tw: when I am employing the word « delusional » I am not referring to the medical definition of it.

What I am going to be saying is going to be disliked by some. But I don’t care.

I am going to be talking right now about a phenomenon that I’ve been seeing ever since I started reading mangas and watching anime’s and it has always bothered me.

And guess what ? I am not the only one being bothered by that, which reassures me.

The problem is the following:

Each time there’s a genuine friendship between two male characters or even two females in a manga/anime, people dirty it by gluing on it, their own fantasies and making it somewhat romantic/sexual, by inventing a « sexual tension » between these protagonists.

Always happens in the anime/manga universe.

…and I am going to tell you why it’s a problem/bothersome situation for many :

The problem is that it renders the story less deep and genuine and more people are influenced in thinking that, a male character, by being nice to another male (same for females), is romantic or whatever.

Like some of y’all are sexualising everything. Get it together !

This is, most of the time (actually 99% of the time but okay), LITTERALY delusion because the authors have never, ever meant for their characters to be viewed as anything but genuine friends/acquaintances..

It distorts the story for nothing and, in my opinion, it is disrespectful to the creators of the manga, to just take their characters and create a quiproquo on it. Sorry not sorry to say it.

As an example, let me take the « Dazai x Chuuya » fans.

The readers go as far as to totally disregard the fact that, Dazai, since literally the first episode, has implied that he was not attracted to guys. On top of that, he’s kinda depicted as the guy who likes women. Never ever was anything that would make him attracted to Chuuya as a male.

(It also happens for JJK and others… )

Therefore, you’re disregarding the genuine and complex aspects of a potential friendship and understanding between them, to glue on it what you would have wished it to be : a romantic or sexual attraction. It’s a projection of what YOU would have WANTED it to be.

It is actually immoral to distort a character’s sexuality like what ?! It becomes a habit and people do it also for celebrities. It’s kinda going too far.

It’s not for you to decide.

When it’s « not a big deal » for some, it could actually represent a big deal for many. And make many people uncomfortable.

Respectfully :

You wanna do your fanfics ? NO PROBLEM really ! be our guests ! but do it in the context of a fanfic, after putting on a disclaimer, as a respectful gesture for the creators behind mangas !

(On the other hand, when people write « character x reader », it doesn’t distorts the original story cuz Y/N just doesn’t exist).

BUT rubbing it down our throats without any context as if it was a general truth provided by the creators, that « these characters are in love/sexually attracted to one another » NO. Keep it for yourself or your group of friends if y’all agree on it.

Again, many many people feel as uncomfortable as me regarding this. It’s kinda also getting out of hands.

It’s getting out of hands especially when I see fandoms like the Black butler fandom where they imagine a « sexual tension » between Sebastian that is an adult and Ciel that is 13 !

Like it or not. I am not sorry for being respectful and realistic.

Some decency is needed :

Not everything is okay with what people are doing on the internet. You can have your « dirty thoughts » but don’t expose them, not everyone wishes to hear about it. Some things have to stay between you and yourself.

Kids/ teens :

And kids/teens (all those below 18) y all need to get off your phone a little and go play outside or meet your friends (for teens ig) if you don’t wanna end up in depression at an early age or with extremely poor social skills.

At least take a real book like ones at the school library and learn things. Instead of learning how to .. by reading explicit content cuz you never listen when we tell you that a certain one shot is +18.

Again, I am not sorry. I am pissed.

[sharklovingaquarist]

To preface I wrote this at 6 am after taking care of fish all night its not well worded

Every day, I become more gender critical. I will say that right now, it's a subject of uncertainty. Do I think that there is a possibility a human brain could feel the need to be in another body? There's a possibility, but I have yet to see a scientific explanation that doesn't play into the "male/female brain" bioessentialist bullshit that has been disproven. An explanation that proves it's not social conditioning. But do I also think that the queer community is falling right back into gender roles, lazy pre-made labels, and weird attitude and definition of being female? Absolutely. So I'm watching a video, and this woman was saying she is female, but started transitioning to male with hormones young, and then identified as a woman because she wanted to "experience being a teenage girl".... and as someone who is a female and "identifies" as a woman, that shit just totally threw me off. You all are falling right back into some conservative male pseudoscience. When I was a teen girl, I acted the same as teen boys. That's why, at one point, I identified as something other than a woman. The fact is, I feel a lot of it comes down to how the female body is perceived. We perceive being male as being truly yourself. You are confident, strong, and smart. When you have a female body, you're attractive, sexual, young, nurturing, and havent been "ruined" by a man yet. You are FOR someone, be it being observed or direct pleasures. Whether or not being trans is real, putting this connotation on sex is NOT healthy for ANYONE. Sex is not something that defines someones mentality, its purely physical. I can understand a mind feeling the need to see a different phsyical body, but acting like gender is a quirky little personality is destroying everything we've built. The worst thing is it feels like this is the gender attitude. It feels like right-wing propaganda shown as leftist ideology, and it feels like we are reverting. The reason I feel its becoming this way is the fact that its easier to group yourself with a favorable side rather than ask why its favorable. Its fun to play female for a bit and be a pretty toy, but then you can go back to being a TRUE human when you feel like a boy! We have to find the truth, and this isn't the truth.

Ig, today's society feels like two sides where I'm just "woman". And on the left I have to cut my tits off or bind to be human but since I identify with my body I'm a pretty princess who twirls in skirts. Reminds me of that one feminist who said trans women helped her bc one side told her it was innate and physical, an inescapable prison. Why do you not ask why you want to escape? Why is there no questioning the aspect of limitations in itself? The thing is simplifying women in the first place. One side does it physically, the other mentally. Women are not copypaste robots. And the issue as a whole is suspicious because why is it always woman as the focus? Because we arent complex humans, we have to be genres. But I need to do some more thinking on this too

[seriousbrat]

Why do people like Lily? From what we've seen of her in the books she seems like a charming and good hearted person but also someone who is shallow, judgemental, a social climber, a classist and immature. Why do people make her out to be this feminist, kind hearted role model that is always morally above others and everyone likes her because she is oh so kind and great? It makes me cringe. From the text we can see that she had a black and white thinking, was shallow and probably self righeous, always thinking she's right and not being able to see the perspective of others. (We can see this in her interactions with Snape) So why do people love her? Do people really need a 'girl boss' in every fandom? There always seems to be one that's just made up by the fans. It looks like people just need a character they can point at and say "see we care about female characters, this one is oh so great, she can't do no wrong, worship her please." 🙄

Look, no offence, but... what? 'Shallow, classist, judgmental, social climber' what? Where are you getting this? Because she stopped being friends with a boy who literally called her a slur? Because she criticised that boy for defending and befriending people who were bigoted against people like herself? Like sorry but I think I'm entirely the wrong person to come to with this kind of thing. I fully disagree. I could not disagree more.

Black and white thinking? The opposite. Lily remained friends with someone who espoused the exact opposite of her beliefs for way too long. Not just her beliefs, but her right to exist. She tolerated Snape (and I do love him as a character, but still) way more than she should have, objectively speaking. That's the opposite of black and white. She was way too understanding, way too empathetic with him. She didn't judge Snape hard enough, in my opinion.

Nah, look idk what you were hoping with this ask but I'm sorry, I'm generally a staunch Lily defender and I heavily disagree with what you're saying. It's not that I think she's a perfect person, she certainly has her flaws like anyone. I don't think that she should be idealised, I think she should be given complexity like any character, but neither do I think she's classist (esp since she's meant to be working class) nor particularly judgmental nor shallow nor immature. I love Snape but he was terrible to her. He befriended people who wanted her dead. Lily didn't owe him anything, and her """righteousness""" as you say is not only entirely justified, but objectively speaking she should have dropped that bitch way earlier.

Why do people (including myself) love Lily? Because she was a good person. Because she was brave and decent and kind. She remained friends with Sev for years despite peer pressure and common sense and she defended him without hesitation. She dedicated her life to fighting for what was right. Lily is a good person. She's not inherently, morally above others, she's not perfect but she was a good, kind person, the way her son is a good, kind person.

Not that difficult to understand imo, unless you have way higher standards for male characters than female characters. Not everyone has to like or be interested in Lily but pretending she's somehow worse/less worthy of interest than Snape, James, Sirius, Regulus, etc (and I imagine you've got to be a fan of some of these marauders era characters if you're reading my blog) because she dropped a guy who wanted to join a fascist group that wanted her dead is absolutely ridiculous.

Lily is so kind and great. Her act of bravery and sacrifice is what kickstarts the entire HP series. Sorry. Like absolutely not, I completely disagree with you about Lily's character. People liking a female character doesn't mean that they have a shallow 'girl boss' approach to that character, and I find that a condescending explanation for why people like myself might be fans of Lily Evans. Maybe, and you perhaps should consider this, us fans of Lily just enjoy and are interested in female characters the exact same way we might be interested in male ones.

Look I don't want to be mean, but can't you tell from my icon, which is clearly supposed to be Lily, that I love Lily? Lily is one of my favourite HP characters. I really don't want to be rude but I'm absolutely the last person who'd share this viewpoint.

[languagendersex]

Fully convinced my manager and I are both autistic, and that’s why we don’t really get along

[throwawayasoiafaccount]

hotd never fails to disappoint

[ruthlesslistener]

How accurate/believable do you feel the bug behavior is in hollow knight? And if you find it inaccurate/unbelievable do you find that it affects the enjoyability of the story told? I really enjoy stories that center on fictional creatures (which I believe is called fantastical xenofiction?) but I always find myself anxious bout making stuff believable since I know nothing about regular biology, and it feels like most writers of xenofiction whether more humanoid or animalistic have a degree or at least some advanced schooling in biology that informs their writing.

Oh my friend, don't worry at all about biological or behavioral accuracy in Hollow Knight, because there is very little of it present and the fact that they are an advanced species means that it merely has an influence on their behavior, such as Leg Eater and Divine's cannibalistic courtship, Flukemarm's family system, or Willoh eating other bugs. Hollow Knight appears to be set in a completely alternate universe where invertebrates filled the niche of the large vertebrate species we see today (bc why else does gruz mother have bone in it), so while there are species that are analogous to the ones on our planet, it's not entirely 1:1. That's part of my enjoyment of it, actually- we're given just enough similarities and tidbits for us to base them off of irl creatures, but they're also different enough from our bugs that personal interpretations have a lot of breathing space. Their species will infer how they view and act in the world, which is something we see in the above examples, but because they evolved to live in civilizations, how much of that base instinct ends up persisting in the society is variable and up to headcanon. That's why I like it so much- because the game makes it very clear that these civilized bugs are very much not human, and builds the world and the culture of each tribe around it. The spiders and mantids of Deepnest and the Fungal Wastes being eager or unbothered by killing/eating other sapient bugs makes sense, but does not detract from the fact that both tribes harbour sympathetic or deeply honourable characters. Hollow Knight embraces the fact that each species of bug has different needs while also sticking fast to the anthropomorphic characteristics that makes them so relatable, making it a believable alternate society setup that does not discriminate which tribes are 'good' or 'bad'. Which was actually what threw me off in Bug Fables more than the inaccurate biology, as in Bug Fables, the socialized bugs were all herbivorous while the 'evil', feral bugs (with the exception of one, the tarantula sorcerer) were all carnivores. That just doesn't make any sense to me, and it bothered me more than all the other biological inconsistencies in the game- because I can assume if bugs have developed a new language and civilization, their biology wouldn't match the bugs in our world. Having consistency in worldbuilding rules is much more important than biological accuracy.

I also don't think that a background in biology is a necessity in order to enjoy xenofiction. Much of what I learned about bugs and snakes is information that I learned in my free time rather than learn in the classroom (though some of my classes did indeed inspire or reinforce some of the stuff I've made up, such as wyrms being simultaneous hermaphrodites due to mate scarcity). Having a background schooling in biology will make understanding your research easier, yes, but learning how to read scientific papers is a skill that every biology student needs to learn, no matter how long they've been in school. If you're determined enough (and curious enough), then you too can do the research necessary to flesh out the biology and behavior of fictional species! All you need is plenty of curiosity and free time, and the patience to chew through some tough, dry words to get to the meat of the good stuff. As long as your worldbuilding is consistent, the amount of biologically accurate material in your writing is more of a secondary thing to worry about.

(If you want a tip though, do a deep dive into the evolution of reproductive behaviors to help you get a basic idea of how different social structures evolve. Sex is a pretty key factor to how animals behave and evolve, with resource scarcity/location, scarcity of mates, difficulty of rearing young, tertiary sex ratio differences, and the harshness of the environment all leading to different social structures, physiology, and behavior. It's pretty fascinating stuff, and is a great help in determining how a fictional society might work.)

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[aeide-thea]

the thing abt this website (and probably other websites as well) is that like. posters will complain that readers get mad at posts for not encompassing Everyone's Experiences, when they were just talking about their own experiences

and it's like. okay but did you phrase your post in the universalizing second person or.

cue janet-with-cactus gifset.

[butchdykenormallen]

"do you want to live a life with extra bullshit? or do you wanna live your best life?"

ya see. this is contradictory. my best life is while being trans, being referred to as a male name, using my own pronouns, being happy. the extra bullshit is stuff i can leave behind. im doing this for ME. and only MEEE. i dont want to think about the rest of it when i can go to the supermarket and get called "sir" and "him" and "they" with the people i trust. i have experiences outside of you that i dont talk about because i dont have to. i love being me, and once im out of here, ill be who i wanna be without you.

[aliosne]

It is by no means any part of me being trans but I fucking hate the feeling of “this interaction would not be happening if I were [read as] male.”

[phagodyke]

ohhhhh my god girl i don't careeeee

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

with all due respect WHAT is going on with the swifties

okay so sincere answer: a lot of people who have spent YEARS convincing themselves that Taylor Swift is a closeted queer woman who's been sending coded messages through her lyrics, Instagram posts, imagery in her concerts, and pretty much everything else. this *is* conspiracy thought, complete with a thought terminating cliche: when pressed, Gaylors fall back on the insistence that Taylor CAN'T come out. their offered reasons seldom make much sense or hold up to scrutiny, but as long as they've been able to hold onto the refrain that Swift simply can't come out, it's possible to maintain the belief that she is signaling queerness but may never be able to confirm it. every boyfriend can be excused as a beard, every denial that she's dating a female friend can be understood as a lie, every insta post can be analyzed qanon-style for clues that only you and your in-group understand.

Gaylors have, obviously, been certain that these clues were being deliberately planted and thus that Swift was encouraging them and WANTED to be understood as queer in some kind of transparent closet situation; the fact that Swift has embraced the aesthetics of allyship with things like her unbelievably tacky video for You Need to Calm Down has been read as approval. receiving even a very mild admonishment - in this case, Swift expressing disappointment that rabid speculation about her romantic life didn't end when she decided to prioritize friendships with other women over dating men - is thus seen as a betrayal, as Swift breaking a contract that, in reality, she never knew about or agrees to. the ensuing social media tantrums we're seeing are what happens when someone has dedicated considerable time and energy to justifying a conspiracy, including building significant social networks around it, only to have that belief challenged by a source that they never thought would contradict them even a little.

in fairness I also never thought she'd do it; I really thought she'd play both sides and keep collecting that Gaylor money forever.

[charminglygrouped]

For the past several years (and perhaps longer) in the P&P fandom I've seen a lot of people who want to rehabilitate Mrs. Bennet: like, sure, she's uncouth and seems greedy, but it's because she cares so much about her daughters' futures; her situation is actually really stressful and uncertain and she's powerless to change it and her husband makes fun of her, and so it's natural that it would cause her to be anxious all the time; maybe she doesn't have the intelligence or social awareness to understand that her behaviour is actually harming her daughters' prospects, but at least her heart is in the right place.

I'm usually not the type of person who argues that fandom is actually being too nice to a female character, but in this case I don't buy the counter-narrative (which I think is popular enough at this point to be fanon / a narrative in itself) about Mrs. Bennet.

For one thing, she was never really powerless in this situation. These people are rich even for gentry. Mr. Bennet's income was always good, at 2,000 pounds per annum (even though I can't believe he isn't neglecting some practices that could raise it higher). Mrs. Bennet had 4,000 pounds from her parents and a further 1,000 from Mr. Bennet. Invested in the 4 per cents (for example), this is 200 pounds per year in pin money that Mrs. Bennet could spend without touching the principle of her dowry, and without affecting Mr. Bennet's income. This is more than some people's entire yearly incomes.

The picture of Mr. and Mrs. Bennet that we get in P&P is not of people who are helpless against their circumstances, but of people who are extraordinarily neglectful. We're told that:

Mr. Bennet had very often wished, before this period of his life, that, instead of spending his whole income, he had laid by an annual sum, for the better provision of his children, and of his wife, if she survived him. [...] When first Mr. Bennet had married, economy was held to be perfectly useless; for, of course, they were to have a son. This son was to join in cutting off the entail, as soon as he should be of age, and the widow and younger children would by that means be provided for. Five daughters successively entered the world, but yet the son was to come; and Mrs. Bennet, for many years after Lydia’s birth, had been certain that he would. This event had at last been despaired of, but it was then too late to be saving. Mrs. Bennet had no turn for economy; and her husband’s love of independence had alone prevented their exceeding their income.

We also know that the "continual presents in money which passed to [Lydia] through her mother’s hands," plus her allowance and food, amount to about 90 pounds per year. Rather than saving up from the beginning in case the entail is not broken, rather than beginning to save once it's clear a son will not arrive, rather than making Jane's dowry the full 5,000 from her mother (which would be something) and saving up for the younger girls' dowries thereafter—which is what would be typical, and that's why Lady Catherine was so shocked that all the girls were out at once—Mrs. Bennet's housekeeping, dress, the girls' allowance, presents of money over and above their allowance, plus whatever Mr. Bennet is spending money on (and other expenses relating to servants, carriages, maintenance &c. which are unavoidable), add up to their entire income. The only reason why Mrs. Bennet doesn't overspend even that is that that's where Mr. Bennet puts his foot down.

Mrs. Bennet is actively harming her daughters' prospects, not even of marriage, but of living respectably if they don't marry, because she doesn't have the temperance not to spend all of the income that is allotted to her. It is the role of the woman in a marriage to take charge of the housekeeping, servants, cooking, furniture, and all expenses relating thereto (plus certain attentions to her tenants and any living in genteel poverty in the area, though presumably this will depend on her income and whether there's a parish church with a parson's wife who's doing some of these things). She's an adult who should be competent to manage these things in a reasoned way without needing to be dictated to.

It is supposed to be the role of the woman in a marriage to take charge of her daughters' education—and yet Mrs. Bennet did not hire a governess, and Elizabeth says that she didn't spend much time teaching her daughters anything (it's not clear to what degree she's educated herself). Granted, the girls did have masters—but, from the sounds of things, that was only if they requested them. No one was required to learn much of anything, which will probably further harm the marriage prospects of the girls who "chose to be idle."

I think the "point" of Mrs. Bennet is that she is one half of one type of bad marriage which the novel illustrates, in contrast with the Gardiners' marriage. These marriages are two possible models for the Bennet daughters to look to. At one point, Elizabeth's prospective marriage is explicitly compared to her parents', with her in the role of her father: Mr. Bennet says "My child, let me not have the grief of seeing you unable to respect your partner in life" (emphasis original).

We might wonder whether Elizabeth saw herself potentially in the role of her father, in a marriage that was very intellectually unequal, when she rejected Mr. Collins; or whether she also saw herself in the role of her mother, married to a man who insults and doesn't respect her, when she rejected Mr. Darcy. Ultimately, she accepts Mr. Darcy after she realises that he is nothing like her father; that he is diligent in attending to his responsibilities, and that he does evidently respect her mind.

This isn't me defending Mr. Bennet, who is also a bad parent and a bad spouse. I do, however, find it a little disturbing when people suggest that Mr. Bennet is at fault for not controlling or curtailing his wife. His wife is a grown woman. Surely we don't actually believe that a situation where a man is legally in complete control over his wife, merely because he is a man and she is a woman, is in any way natural, moral, or just? (This also goes for people who suggest that Mr. Bingley needs to get his sister 'in line' 😬😬😬.)

Mrs. Bennet should be competent to manage her household and her daughters. Given that she's not, yes, Mr. Bennet, according to Georgian and Victorian ideas of the role of a man in a marriage, "should" have stepped in and started dictating to her. But I don't really think that's what Austen is suggesting went wrong here. The models of good marriages we have—the Gardiners, the Bingleys and Darcys after their weddings—are all ones in which the women were basically sensible people to begin with. In the latter two cases, we are told of particular ways in which the men stand to benefit from some mental quality of their future spouse (Elizabeth's good humour and ease in company; Jane's steadiness and determination).

The ideal which some Georgians had of a husband's role being to shape his wife's intellect doesn't seem to be what's being advocated here. If Mr. Bennet made a mistake, it was in marrying a silly, selfish, ill-tempered woman to begin with, not in failing to browbeat her into submission once he found out that she was silly, selfish, and ill-tempered. The idea is that you should choose your spouse carefully. But that message doesn't work if Mrs. Bennet is just a woman in a difficult situation who has her heart in the right place.

[singmyaubade]

Good Luck Babe

poly!marauders x nerd!female!reader

summary: after being a wallflower throughout your first five years at hogwarts, you always thought that you could be invisible. but when you hear the marauders talking cruelly about you and proceeding to ask for your forgiveness after, well good luck babe.

warnings: eventual smut! 18+ heavy angst, cursing, reader wants to kill the marauders , swearing, unprotected sex, praise, oral (male receiving), jealousy

a/n: oh hey... this is kinda based on those cliche 2000's movies where the girl is ugly but not really and she has that glow up or whatever. this was written so quick and not proofread, don't kill me. i hope you enjoy and as always, i apologize if you hate this!

STARTING off your sixth year at Hogwarts being an entirely new person wasn't something that you had planned or expected.

On the inside, you felt exactly the same, the same girl who was bold and could ferociously win a fight when it came to her character.

The same girl who was witty and sarcastic, surprising half of the people around you when you made a joke once in a lifetime.

But on the outside, you didn't have an awkward mis-shaped bob and you no longer wore baggy jackets that didn't do a thing for your figure.

And you didn't hide your face anymore, trying your best to be invisible.

It wasn't that you were shy or that you felt like a loser but you thought social hierarchy was bullshit and the only thing you wanted to focus on was your studies.

You may have been a brave Gryffindor on the inside but on the outside, you had to play the part of a shy mouse as corny as that sounds.

Unfortunately for you, invisibility only tends to last for so long until one moment, you are a nobody and then all eyes are upon you.

And maybe, just maybe, if you hadn't heard the Marauders discussing you the previous year, you would have stayed the same.

You had passed by the boys dormitory to give Remus his textbooks back as you always did when you let you borrow when you heard them speaking of the very person behind the door,

"I still have yet to understand why Lily and the rest of them act like she's some charity case," James huffed, "I mean, she's not some sick patient, they only feel the need to pity her because of how she looks."

You always knew that James had a foul mouth but to be speaking about someone like this, it was cruel.

Remus hissed, "That's not nice Prongs,"

"I'm not even saying it to be a dick!" James groaned, "I just mean, I pity her more for the fact that they don't even invite her to anything outside of breakfast and dinner," He explained, causing Remus to go silent.

Sirius chuckled, shaking his head. "That's absolutely horrid."

James reclined on his bed, a smirk playing on his lips. "I’m just saying, if I were Y/N, I’d be mortified."

Your eyes widened as they began to water, they were speaking about you.

Remus leaned against the wall, a thoughtful expression crossing his face. "Maybe she just doesn’t want to hang out with Lily and the others."

"Moony, seriously," James shot back, sitting up. "Where is Y/N right now, and where are the other girls?" His eyebrow cocked, trying to make his point as Remus silenced.

Sirius raised an eyebrow, a glint of mischief in his eyes. "Why don’t we investigate for ourselves?" He unfolded the Marauder's Map with a flourish. "Alright, we’ve got Lily, Dorcas, Mary, and Marlene all at Hogsmeade, but Y/N is..." His voice trailed off, eyes narrowing.

James leaned closer, annoyance creeping into his tone as he grabbed the map, "She's-" He stopped, the color fading from his face.

"Fucking spit it out!" Remus said next as he snatched the map finally and saw that the map had shown that you were right outside their door.

"Shit!" You heard Remus say as he started making his way to the door.

Hearing his footsteps approaching, you quickly moved away from the door, bolting for your room.

Once you made it back to your dorm, you had sinked the floor. You put your hand on your mouth, muffling yourself as you cried silently.

You honestly hated to even say it but you did consider Lily and the rest of them your friends. You had never really thought about how they didn't invite you to places.

And if you were being truthful, they had never asked you to have breakfast or dinner with them.

You had always just assumed that you could join but they never told you to leave or swooshed you off. Another part of you hated how stupid you were, trying to intrude on their private time.

You didn't want to let it get to you what a bunch of seventeen year old boys were saying but it did sting horribly.

But in a way, it also motivated you to be who you were on the inside. You already had the top marks in your entire year and your plan to work in the Ministry after Hogwarts had already been set.

And now your chance to be something at Hogwarts was right in front of you, an opportunity that you couldn't miss.

You had to do it for yourself.

The Marauders had no idea who you truly were or even cared to know. And although Remus was kind to you, you could always see that he never made any effort to be your friend.

Not that you expected him to but it only taught you that they truly thought you were some hopeless case.

And an assignment to make the Marauders bite their tongues was one that you couldn't bare to fail.

After hearing that, you decided to avoid the Marauders for the next month, especially with summer break approaching. To your surprise, you barely saw them outside of classes, never giving them a chance to reach out—even Remus.

And then that summer, everything changed. You let your hair grow past your shoulders, embracing your natural curls instead of straightening them. You started wearing clothes that were trendy and form-fitting, a huge contrast to your old style.

You discovered a newfound love for self-care, enjoying the process far more than you expected. Each day felt like a transformation, and by the end of summer, your mother couldn’t help but notice. “Finally listening to me about your style, huh?” she teased.

You only laughed as you embraced her,

If only she knew what had caused it in the first place.

As you said goodbye to your family, anticipation mingled with dread. You knew the train ride would be the least of your worries, but the welcome dinner and the ceremony ahead felt like they might just be hell reincarnate.

As you entered Hogwarts, you admired it as much as you did when you were a first year. The castle was something you considered a second home and everything about it was magical, there was no doubting that.

A crowd of students, including yourself, moved toward the Great Hall, and you settled into your usual seat at the Gryffindor table.

You spotted the Marauders and the usual group of girls approaching, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. They took their usual spots in front of you, with the girls on one side and the boys on the other. James sat beside you, and Lily was directly in front of him.

You never quite understood why they arranged themselves like that, but it hardly mattered in the moment.

They were busy in conversation before James had noticed someone next to him, his eyes widening. You couldn't quite read his face but it seemed like a mix of confusion and flustered.

You stared at him back but he still had yet to mutter a word. You cleared your throat, "Uh hello," You practically whispered.

He snapped back into reality, "Oh sorry, hi," He muttered back.

Silence took over you both as James couldn't find the words of what to say to you.

On one hand, he wanted to call you beautiful, to tell you that you were one of the prettiest girls he’d ever seen. On the other, he just wanted to stare at you for a few more minutes like a creep.

Lily noticed his gaze and leaned in, smirking. "Excuse my friend; we’re still trying to figure out if he has a brain."

"I thought we solved that decades ago," Marlene chimed in, stifling a laugh.

Lily turned to you with a curious smile. "I don’t believe I’ve seen you before. What’s your name?"

Are you actually fucking kidding me?

You scoffed, "I'm Y/N,"

The entire group looked at you in awe, even the ones who weren't chimed in on the conversation.

"Y/N L/N?" Sirius asked, mouth gaping.

"Yep, that one," You snorted.

They all looked like they had seen a ghost, "You look different," Marlene said as Mary shoved her.

"She means in a good way!" Mary added.

"Uh thanks," You said, awkwardly.

They all continued to stare at you like you were an exhibit in a museum, their eyes scanning you up and down.

"Do you all mind not staring at me?" you asked, trying to break the tension. They all looked away, feigning innocence as they muttered apologies.

"How have you been?" Lily asked, clearly trying to ease the awkwardness.

"Fine," you replied, your tone clipped.

You caught the pained expressions on the Marauders' faces, realizing they were the reason for your dismissive attitude.

"That's great," Lily said, forcing a smile.

You felt a wave of frustration at the awkwardness surrouding you and decided it was time to escape. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom," you announced, heading toward the exit before they could respond.

As you walked away, you could already here the mutters and whispers emerging from the table, the fascinating topic being you.

You paced as you heard footsteps trailing behind you, but you ignored them, letting your gaze wander around the castle.

"Y/N!" someone called out, startling you.

You turned to see Sirius, James, and Remus hurrying after you. You only let out a snort before continuing your same way.

A hand suddenly reached around your forearm as you turned to see Remus. You quickly snatched your hand away, finally stopping to look at the group of boys who you despised.

Crossing your arms, you shot them a hostile look. "What?"

"We just wanna—"

"We're so—"

"Listen, we just—"

They all spoke at once, but you scoffed and turned back toward the bathroom, starting to walk away.

You were hoping that they would realize you wanted nothing to do with them but instead, it only made them want to chase you more.

They quickened their pace, and you spun around sharply. "For fuck's sake, what do you want?" you snapped.

James took a breath, his expression earnest. "I'm sorry for what I said. I've been thinking about it since you left. I was an awful twat, and you didn't deserve a thing of what I said."

You let out a sarcastic laugh, "Are you serious?" You asked as your expression changed to furious, "You basically called me a loser and said that Lily and the rest of them were only hanging out with me out of pity,"

James hissed as your statement, feeling the razor in your voice.

"-And now you all want to act as if I should just forgive you since I don't look the same anymore," You got closer to James's face, "Fuck off."

You turned your heel again and this time, the boys didn't follow you.

You finally entered the bathroom and shut the door behind you. Staring at your reflection in the mirror, you struggled to read the expression on your face. You were furious at the Marauders, and the idea of forgiving them felt impossible.

Yet, there was a flicker of gratitude that you felt for the change you’d undergone. You’d gained a new confidence that felt good, but the sting of their cruel words still lingered in your mind.

And you knew that you couldn't let it get to you but knowing they thought that of you, even Remus. It still did things to you that you would never admit out loud.

Snapping out of your thoughts, you realized it was almost time to head to the dormitory.

The rest of the night had flown by, with first years being introduced to their new home for the next six years while everyone else relaxed in the common room. Despite curfews, fifth years and above knew they could hang out longer—the curfew was mostly for the first years anyway.

"Caput Draconis," you muttered, and the Fat Lady nodded, granting you entrance.

Stepping into the common room, your heart sank as you spotted the last group you wanted to see. They noticed you just as quickly, encouraging you to pick up your pace toward the dorm.

"Hey, Y/N!" Dorcas called out, making you wince as you turned to see her waving.

The Marauders looked down, shame etched on their faces, avoiding your gaze as if you were Medusa.

You approached them slowly, dread settling in your stomach as they eyed you like a science project.

"We were just about to play a fun little game," Dorcas said enticingly, while Marlene snorted beside her.

"I don’t know if Spin the Bottle is a great idea for the first night back," Marlene added, taking a sip of her beer.

"A little peck never hurt anyone," Lily chimed in, clapping her hands together.

Of all people, you’d never expect Lily Evans to approve such a thing. This was the same girl who nearly fainted when she heard about Marlene and Dorcas kissing the previous year.

"I don’t know if this is the game for me," you replied, eyeing the group warily.

"Of course it is!" Lily insisted, but you raised an eyebrow. "Oh my gosh! Not like that, I just mean it's a fun game for us all to play," she quickly added, looking flustered.

Part of you wanted to say no and retreat to your bed, but that was the old you, and you knew it wouldn’t help. This was a new year, and you were determined to embrace new experiences.

Besides, you’d never participated in any scandalous games for all of the years you've been at Hogwarts—it felt like a crime in itself.

So, after a moment’s hesitation, you said, "Okay, sure." The girls erupted in cheers, while the Marauders exchanged worried glances.

What if you had to kiss one of them? Would you refuse and create a scene? Would you want to strangle them for even suggesting it?

The possibilities raced through their mind, but there was no turning back as everyone began to form a circle.

As you sat in the circle, a shiver of nervousness enveloped you. You had never kissed anyone before and the whole thought made you nervous within itself.

Don't get it wrong, you've had chances but they never seemed right and you certainly weren't kissing Matthew Trunchbull underneath the bleachers of the Quidditch field.

So when you got offered a shot of firewhiskey to cool your nerves by Marlene, you took it happily as it burned down your throat.

You brushed off all the negative thoughts entering your mind,

What really is the worst thing that could happen?

[ocaledonia]

lately i've been doing a lot of thinking about why women are the main supporters of transgenderism, and i think i've boiled it down to three main elements

1. women are socialised to be more accommodating and accepting of uncomfortable situations than men are. this has been discussed at length in the radical feminist tradition and the gender critical movement, but it bears reiterating. women are taught from early childhood to disbelieve their feelings of fear, anger and humiliation for the benefit of men.

2. i'd argue that the description of physical dysphoria is one that almost all women empathise with, because of how alienated women are from their bodies by society, in a way most men are not. even women who would say they are comfortable with their bodies have complicated feelings about having a female body in our society, even if they don't have the framework to express it. therefore, when women are confronted with men who make claims about sex dysphoria, they relate and empathise and some can draw conclusions that this distress aligns them with femaleness (i would argue that all women experience sex dysphoria in a misogynist society like ours but i digress). i think there many women also find solace in the idea that someone else could possibly have their physical distress alleviated and want to believe it is possible to find a solution to it.

In other words, “The body has been made so problematic for women that it has often seemed easier to shrug it off and travel as a disembodied spirit.” - Adrienne Rich

3. women want to believe that male oppression and men aren't really that bad. to comprehend the scale of women's oppression, and to fully understand that the men you know and love are as complicit in it as any other, feels like balancing on the brink of madness. women are desperate for evidence that things aren't as bad as they suspect.

Andrea Dworkin says it best: “Many women, I think, resist feminism because it is an agony to be fully conscious of the brutal misogyny which permeates culture, society, and all personal relationships.”

that is part of the allure of the trans movement for these women in denial. breaking down the categories of male and female, and denying the social dynamics therein, means they don't have to grapple with the ugliness of misogyny.

anyone else have thoughts on this? i'd be keen to hear if others on radblr think