#i try not to vent on here anymore but I'm in so much pain

[qasian-tech-support]

It really hurts when friends you've had for years hurt you and then when you try to talk to them about it, they decide that you aren't worth it as a friend anymore. When they decide that they don't want to resolve things like adults. When they turn everyone against you like they never mentally left high school.

[daz4i]

when ww said "this is not my life, I'm no survivor, i only happened to survive"

[jifloulette]

It reminded me of you.

relationships with blue lock boys as kpop songs . . .

pairing -> itoshi rin, bachira meguru, yoichi isagi x gn!reader (seperate !)

warnings -> some angst on some parts, swearing here and there, might be ooc ? not proofread !!

word count -> rin and yoichi's is 0.7k, bachira's is 0.9k

author's note -> please click the links on the song names !! it'll help you understand why i chose that specific song ^^

. . . itoshi rin !

♫ now playing . . run2u by stayc - - - next in queue . . save me save you by wjsn

You knew the risks of dating someone cold and stoic like RIN ITOSHI, hell you were even surprised that he liked you back. You knew damn well that you were going to get hurt in the process, but you didn't care. All you wanted to do was to be with him. It doesn't matter if he's happy (you might not see it on the outside but being his s/o made you know how he is if he's happy), disheartened or upset. Your friends warned, fuck, even your classmates who you didn't even know or liked told you so. They just didn't know him like you did. Yes, you've gotten hurt before but he would ALWAYS apologize. You've learned to become patient for him during his breakdowns, he would say things like "I fuckin' hate my lukewarm brother." and "I need to become fucking better, how else am I.. gonna beat him..". You were confused whenever his breakdowns happened, it wasn't a weekly thing for him to do that, it only happened whenever you noticed him become tense and pressured. You didn't know why he hated his brother, I mean the Itoshi Sae? But you've never asked him about it, knowing he'd get agitated.

You were the first ever person he fell for, the first person he genuinely liked being around. RIN ITOSHI was scared for the first time again, scared that one day you might leave him too. Scared that he might scare you away because god, he knows how he acts whenever he's feeling distressed. He couldn't understand it, why have you stayed this long with him? Why did you treat him so differently? Weren't you just using him for his money and his fame? He knew the answers to all of his questions when one day, he just couldn't take it anymore. He'd accidentally lashed out his anger on you, the one person who he actually cared for. RIN ITOSHI had accidentally hit you, it didn't hurt much, yet it still alarmed you. He realized what he did just in time before he held you in his arms, apologizing over and over again as he cried onto your shirt. "Baby.. it's okay, really.." you said to him while caressing his hair. "N-no.. it's not! I'd accidentally hurt you, the one person I genuinely cared for..! H-how is that okay?!" RIN ITOSHI replied, you carefully asked him if he wanted to talk about why he felt like this to which he hesitantly said yes to. "I wanna know what happened, Rinnie.. don't try to hide it. I'll always be by your side", just by saying those words, RIN ITOSHI poured his heart out on his vent to you, saying that he felt distressed because he heard some of your classmates saying that his brother will always be better than him. He told you the reason why he hated his brother, he recalled the night where his brother said some things that was too painful to say out loud. After he was done, you held him in your arms once more, RIN ITOSHI couldn't take it anymore. He cried once again, asking you why you had stayed with him this long, why were you here listening to his vents, were you just getting dirt to gossip about him? You asked him saying, "Rinnie.. you wanna know why I've been here with you for so long?", he looked up at you with his beautiful teal eyes and simply nodded, "The only reason why I'm here with you is because I love you. Not for your fame, not for your success, and certainly not for your money but for you..", RIN ITOSHI was surprised, you really weren't using him? He had doubted you for a bit but oh, your tone while you said that to him made him believe that what you were saying is true. That's all that he needed to hear before hugging you tightly again, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. "Thank you so so fucking much, y/n.. you don't know how much I love you..", the black-haired boy in front of you said.

RIN ITOSHI now believes that true love exists, and true love is wherever you are. He didn't care if you saw him at his most vulnerable state, he knew you wouldn't gossip that to your other friends. RIN ITOSHI now knows the answers to all of his questions, he knows that you will stay with him until the end of times.

. . . bachira meguru !

♪ now playing . . love is lonely by NMIXX

BACHIRA MEGURU was convinced that you were his special someone. You were convinced that he was your special someone too. For all of BACHIRA MEGURU's life, he'd been lonely. Only sharing his love and appreciation to his mother who held deeply in his heart. The second you went up to him, asking if he was okay, he felt skeptical. He wasn't stupid, so he'd ask you if someone ordered you to come to him just to record him at his weakest. You were taken aback yet you knew what the others said about him and his "monster", you really could care less about what they said about him. "Huh? No.. I came here because I saw feeling down after classes ended." you replied, you took your hand out and asked him if he wanted to come with you to go to a place that was special to you. He was reluctant at first but eventually gave in. He'd noticed you in class before, you weren't like the others. You genuinely had a pure heart.

You ran in front of him while holding his hand still. BACHIRA MEGURU swore he felt a big, genuine smile starting to grow on his face. Were you the person the monster inside him was looking for? You introduced him to a small bench, not that far from the school. You told him how you discovered this place as you were randomly walking home and decided that it was gonna be your special place. You had brought fairy lights to hang on the trees that were around the bench. The two of you sat on it and it was as if fate that you guys fit perfectly on it. You went on rambling about how you'd always wanted to be his friend but you were to shy to ask him, and how he'd been the first ever person you had brought along to go here. He didn't even notice how there was light pink tint starting to grow on his face. Ever since then, you and BACHIRA MEGURU had been together as if the two of you were cursed for all eternity to be together, he wouldn't mind if that was the case.

It wasn't long before he had started to fall for you, just the way you would talk to him, take care of him, comfort him, and treat him as if he were an actual person were just a few reasons on why he'd fallen for you. If he could, he would rant on for hours and hours on why he likes you so much. Before he knew it, it had already been 6 months since the two of you had met. You'd asked him to go your guys' special place to which he had ecstatically said yes to. He obviously wanted to at least look good for you, even though you said that whatever he would wear, he'd still look good. The second he arrived at the bench, he saw that you weren't there which was strange.. He thought maybe you were just playing games with him. "Y/n! You can come out now~!" BACHIRA MEGURU shouted playfully, yet you still didn't come out. He noticed an envelope on the bench with a heart sticker on it, he knew that he would want you to open it knowing that only you and him knew about this secret hangout spot and thought you had left it for him to find. He noticed a handwritten "To: BACHIRA MEGURU, my best friend in the whole entire world" on it, and when he opened the envelope, a long piece of paper was in it. He slowly unfolded it and read the contents of the letter. "Dear Megu, I'm sorry I couldn't come to you face to face to tell you what I've been feeling recently. The thing is, the second you held my hand that late afternoon, I fell for you. Call it stupid but god, I immediately fell for you. The fact you didn't hesitate to come with me just made me blush thinking about it. I've always knew I liked you before we were even friends, but I just thought of it as infatuation. You really did prove me wrong because you were the person I've been meaning to find ever since I watched romance movies and discovered what love is. The fact you listen to my endless talks about whatever really made me fall for you even more! In the span of the 6 months of our friendship, you became someone that I loved being around with. I want to end our friendship though.. and maybe start having a new relationship, a romantic one. Soo.. what do you say? Will you accept?", the letter said and god did he fall for you even more. The fact that you loved him the same way he loved you, oh who was he kidding, he's head over heels for you. As he was coming to the end of the letter, a pair of hands slowly hugged him from behind. He knew it was you, he recognized your touch all too well. The second you hugged him, he turned around and picked you up. "Oh y/n! You don't know how long I've been waiting for this day!" You were surprised, you really didn't expect that unpredictable action of his. Your smile became as big as the entire world to say the least, your eyes having some sort of sparkle in it. "So, do you accept..?" you asked gleefully, to which BACHIRA MEGURU replied by kissing you.

BACHIRA MEGURU had finally found the true meaning of love, it was the embodiment of you. The hardships of his life he had left behind due to you. He went inside the school campus with a smile on his face knowing you would be there waiting for him. BACHIRA MEGURU had finally fallen, he had let himself fall for you.

. . . isagi yoichi !

𝄞 now playing . . cool with you by New Jeans

If there was one word to describe how ISAGI YOICHI felt whenever he was with you, it would be comfort. Just being beside you, it would bring him to ease knowing that you were right there with him. You guys could be scrolling on your phones, showing each other different videos that reminded you guys of each other and he would already fall deeper in love with you. You understood him better than anyone else could, you knew what to do and what to say whenever he felt sorrowful. Whether it be losing a really really important soccer match or if he felt insecure and unconfident. Maybe that's why he liked you so fucking much. Your presence just soothes his soul, he didn't know how to explain it, it just did.

ISAGI YOICHI didn't always need for you to tell him how much you loved him, he could always feel it, as if the two of you were somehow telepathically connected. Just simply holding his hand, caressing his hair, and telling him how good he was at playing soccer was all he needed to know. People could see how deep the connection the two of you had, even before you guys were together. Whatever emotion he was feeling, it was almost as if you felt it the same way he did, maybe that's why the two of you had such a strong bond with each other. The two of you could go days and days doing the same thing over and over again but it wouldn't bore him, not when the person who he cherishes most was with him. Sometimes, ISAGI YOICHI finds himself zoning out during classes just thinking about you! He just can't help it, he's totally the type to chat you "I miss you" the second you part ways after walking home from school. He really cherishes every moment he has with you, even if he's not physically next to you, just seeing you makes him relaxed. That's definitely his motivation whenever you watch his games as well, just seeing you cheer your heart out for him, he can't help but drive himself to win, just for you.

Even if he knows how much he means to you, he sometimes can't help but doubt himself, he finds himself wondering if the effort he's putting into the relationship is the same as the effort you put in. "Baby.. do you think that sometimes.. I'm somehow lacking something in our relationship..?" the deep blue-eyed boy in front of you asks, "Huh? Love, of course not! You've given so much into our relationship, what else could I ask for?" you reply, your hand cupping his cheek. "'m sorry baby, I just felt down.." ISAGI YOICHI says, "Oh baby.. don't you ever think that you're dragging our relationship down, okay? I know you love me the same way I love you." you remind him, kissing his forehead. You see him blush and the tip of his ears turn red and you pinch his cheek as you tease him for being so so cute! "H-hey..! Why'd you just randomly pinch me!" the dark blue haired boy says, "Well, you're just so so so cute and I can't believe you're mine~!" you playfully respond. His face becomes even redder now that you said that. You chuckle at the sight of him and you pepper his face with kisses, on his lips, his neck, his jawline, his forehead, you bet that you didn't leave any part of his face untouched. It was moments like these in where he thought that the two of you were the only ones in the world, he has an album of memories in his brain stored with each and every memory the two of you had ever made. God was he crazy about you.

ISAGI YOICHI believed, no, he knew that you were his soulmate and that you knew that he was yours. He would find comfort whenever you were with him, and though he isn't the most verbally talkative lover, you knew how much he adores you. (Please let him daydream about how ethereal you would look at your guys' wedding, he would very much appreciate it, even if you find it funny)

©🇯​​🇮​​🇫​​🇱​​🇴​​🇺​​🇱​​🇪​​🇹​​🇹​​🇪​, do not steal, translate, or repost any of my writings anywhere else.

[aishangotome]

Azel Radwan: Romantic Ending Ch. 23

Chapter 22

Thank you @shatcey for providing the video for this chapter!

♡———♡

The death of the God of Tanzanite is an inevitable end that will eventually come—

The God, in his mercy, offers his life to the future so that the divination-dependent people can live on their own feet.

I respect the last God of the continent.

But my heart couldn't keep up.

What did the God think of me, who felt this way?

Emma: Wh... What are you doing?

Just a few seconds ago, I was desperately trying to hold back tears, but now, as Prince Azel stood up from his chair and embraced me, confusion overwhelmed my mind.

My blurred vision melted into his warmth, and when I tried to pull away, he put his arm around my head.

Azel: I couldn't bear to see your unsightly face.

Emma: ...This is where you're supposed to say, "Cry as much as you want in my arms."

Azel: I would never say something so disgusting.

(His words are harsh, but his touch is gentle.)

He gently stroked my head as if to comfort me.

Whether it was unconscious or intentional, either way, the God was always sinful.

(I wish Prince Azel's true nature was a wicked God, corrupted to the core by evil.)

His compassion became a poison, stinging my eyes and bringing a heat to them.

Emma: Prince Azel... I think I'm going to cry after all.

Azel: Don't cry, it's troublesome.

Azel: Besides, you can't persuade me if you're crying, can you?

Emma: ...Persuasion... I can't do it anymore.

(I can't think of anything else to say.)

(I can't think... so...)

Taking advantage of the fact that he couldn't see my face, I stopped holding back my tears.

Azel: I thought you'd be more persistent.

Emma: Did you... want me to be?

Azel: No? It's just, a good person like you wouldn't be able to accept someone's death, right?

Azel: Especially Belle, known for her beautiful heart.

Emma: ...If I were to stop you, I would need a good reason to do so.

Emma: "You have to cherish your life"... that's not a reason that applies to everyone.

(Even if I brandish my morals and ethics here, it would ultimately be self-righteous of me.)

(I can't reach Prince Azel's lofty perspective.)

Emma: To Prince Azel, who is worried about the future of the illusory country and trying to start a revolution...

Emma: No matter how hard I rack my brain, all I have are personal feelings.

(I can't find the words to reach someone who carries out their plan with such conviction.)

(...Even though we spent time together, it was ultimately short, and the fact that I'm an outsider remains unchanged.)

Emma: Because I can only say selfish things...

Emma: ...I have no choice... but to cry.

(My voice... is trembling.)

Even though I clutched Prince Azel's clothes as if to vent my emotions, he didn't shake me off.

Azel: Will you feel better if you cry?

Emma: ...It might be a temporary relief.

Azel: Then I'll allow it.

Emma: You said I shouldn't cry earlier...

Azel: Just cry before you babble on, cry now!

(Is this... also mercy?)

Prince Azel continued to stroke my hair.

His touch, which felt almost affectionate, and the gentleness of his heartbeat that reached my ears finally broke the dam of my tears.

Biting my lip to keep from crying out loud, I pressed my trembling body against Prince Azel's.

(After I cry my heart out, I have to make a choice.)

(Whether to part ways with Prince Azel like this, or...)

Either way, it would be a painful choice, and I choked back my sobs.

As I sobbed like a child, an out-of-place laughter fell upon me.

Emma: Wh... Why... are you... laughing?

Azel: Excuse me. I didn't expect you to cry this much.

Azel: You haven't been living your life relying on God, have you?

Azel: You don't have to worry about your future tomorrow because of God's death.

Azel: I was wondering why you're sobbing so much...

Azel: Did you like being a slave that much?

Emma: Not a slave... a shrine maiden (*priestess)...

Azel: It's the same in that you're being used by me.

Azel: I've used you, but I've never given you anything in return, have I?

Emma: ...Thinking about it calmly... that's true...

(Starting with being tricked into debt with swindler-like tactics...)

(Being used as a shield to avoid women, and because of that, falling victim to an aphrodisiac.)

(Being forced to cook as labor for debt repayment, and there was also that harsh errand of going back and forth between the city...)

Emma: I've been... used... and abandoned... by Prince Azel... so many times.

But strangely, I don't feel bad about it, because it was fun.

The God never truly treated me as a "slave."

When I was affected by the aphrodisiac, he cared for me, when I was cold, he embraced me, and when I was tired, he cooked for me.

When I tried to sleep on the floor, he carried me to the bed, and when he wished for me to not come to the party, he reluctantly went with me.

Prince Azel is that kind of contrary person.

I liked his twisted kindness—I came to like it.

(He's deeply embedded in my heart, to the point that I'm crying this much, and in the end, we're parting ways with death...)

(I think... I deserve compensation...)

Emma: I want... the reward I haven't received...

Azel: Have you forgotten that your labor was for debt repayment?

Emma: The... wounds in my heart... will remain... forever.

Emma: It's to the extent that... I have to claim compensation exceeding my debt.

When I made a wicked claim, imitating the greedy, wicked God, he laughed again.

Azel: I'll listen if you want to ask.

Emma: Then...

I had been thinking while crying.

About how to spend the time until the moment Prince Azel dies—

Emma: Make me... a part of your plan.

Azel: .............

When I wiped my tears and looked up, Prince Azel was making a blatantly sullen face.

Azel: I couldn't hear you very well.

Emma: M-Make me... a part of it!

Azel: Oh dear, I can't hear you.

Emma: Liar!

Azel: I don't remember saying I'd listen to anything.

Azel: Besides, are you stupid?

Azel: Being a part of it means you have to witness my death.

Prince Azel roughly wiped my wet cheeks with his sleeve.

Azel: There's no way a woman who's sobbing like this could do such a thing.

Emma: ...I... don't think I can either...

Emma: But I want a reason to witness it.

Emma: A reason for me to accept Prince Azel's death without running away.

(My heart refuses to accept the fact that Prince Azel will be gone.)

(This is something I can't do anything about, so at least I want a trigger to face it.)

(Instead of running away, I want to witness Prince Azel's great achievement... and...)

(I want to be with him for as long as possible.)

Azel: Are you serious?

Emma: ...I wouldn't joke about something like this.

I peered into his mystical eyes, filled with stars, to convey my feelings.

I must look unsightly, reflected in those beautiful eyes.

Prince Azel still had a sullen expression on his face, but...

As we gazed at each other, he gradually brought his face closer and placed his lips on my forehead.

(!?)

Azel: Ah, my mistake.

Emma: Th... That's not something you do by mistake!?

Azel: I just misjudged the distance, don't make a fuss, don't yell.

(What was that kiss!?)

The God averted his eyes awkwardly.

My heart screamed in agony at having been subjected to another sin at this juncture.

(...From now on, I'll call you the "suggestive God" instead of the "wicked God.")

Azel: There is one simple task that anyone can do... or maybe not.

(...)

Emma: I'll do it.

Azel: Don't you want to hear what it is?

Emma: I'm not considering refusing any task.

Emma: But if possible...

Emma: I hope it's something that will allow me to be with Prince Azel until the very end.

Azel: –...It's because you're like that that you get hurt.

(.....?)

Prince Azel cleared his throat, let go of me, and turned his back.

Azel: The plan is tomorrow.

Azel: Since you said you'd do it, don't run away halfway.

(Tomorrow...)

(...Tomorrow is the day of the end.)

Emma: I'll do my best.

My voice trembled as I conveyed my determination.

-

Perhaps busy chasing after Kamal, who had been branded a sinner by the apostle, the people no longer visited the solitary desert castle.

Although there was a chance to return to the castle now, Prince Azel didn't drive me out, as I was reluctant to leave and remained in the temple.

Eventually, the sun set, and the giant moon that illuminated the illusory country rose in the sky.

The final night had arrived, whether I liked it or not.

Emma: Are you really alright?

Azel: Don't make me say it again.

Prince Azel, holding a kitchen knife, carefully chopped the vegetables.

Ideally, I would have wanted to do it, but with one arm unusable, I was helpless.

(His movements are stiff. He must be really scared.)

Emma: Even if we don't chop the vegetables like before and just put them whole in the pot...

Azel: It would make me cry if that was the last supper.

Azel: Besides, wouldn't it be hard to eat with your hand like that?

Emma: .....

Azel: ...Don't grin, the knife might slip and fly off.

Emma: You absolutely have to avoid that!?

(It's just like any other night. The only difference is that our roles are reversed.)

If I let my guard down, tears threaten to spill from my still swollen eyes.

(Something... I have to distract myself with something.)

Emma: Cooking is... tough, isn't it?

Azel: What are you talking about out of the blue?

Emma: No, I was just thinking that since Prince Azel is a God and a prince, it must have been tough for you at first...

Emma: How long have you been living here alone?

When I brought up a casual topic, Prince Azel, perhaps sensing my intention, let out a sigh of exasperation.

Azel: It's been about ten years.

Emma: You used to live in the castle before, right?

Azel: Yes. But one day, an incident happened.

Azel: ...A nightmarish incident where a large number of aphrodisiac-affected women came rushing in.

Emma: What kind of disturbing incident is that...?

Azel: Exactly as it sounds, that geezer orchestrated it, and a horde of women who had taken aphrodisiacs barged into my room.

Azel: They started taking off their clothes, moaning on their own... I don't know a hell worse than that.

(Wow... that's awful just to imagine.)

Azel: Even a gentle God like me snapped and started living here, practically running away from home. That's how it all began.

Emma: That's, well...

Emma: ...I can understand why you dislike women, Prince Azel.

Azel: I never said I disliked you, not even once—

Azel: Well, maybe I do dislike women, but it's frustrating, isn't it? It's like I've lost.

Emma: You're not fooling anyone.

Azel: Oh, the knife...

Emma: Don't let it slip!

I couldn't help but laugh at the suggestive God, formerly known as Prince Azel, who furrowed his brows in a sulky manner.

Emma: I'm glad I'm not hated.

Azel: Don't get cocky.

Emma: But you were the one who said it...

Azel: Well, still...

Azel: You might be the woman I've talked to the longest in my life.

Emma: ...That's...

(That's a record that will never be broken again.)

Emma: ...An honor.

-

The last supper was plentiful, as we aimed to use up all the ingredients remaining in the temple.

Since it couldn't all fit on the kitchen counter, we spread a beautiful cloth by the window in the room and arranged the dishes there, holding a feast while gazing at the moon.

It included the meatless, perfectly round croquettes I had made before, along with a dish of chickpeas mashed into a paste and flavored with cumin, bell peppers stuffed with minced meat and seasoned with spices from the desert country, and for the main course, Prince Azel's specialty tagine, made with steamed vegetables and meat.

I also used the vegetables Prince Azel had cut for me to prepare a pot-au-feu, a staple home-cooked dish in Rhodolite.

I even baked some simple langues de chat for dessert, making for a more extravagant menu than usual.

(It feels strange to have Rhodolite and Tanzanite cuisine lined up like this.)

I immediately reached for a croquette with my fork, but...

Emma: Ah...

Eating with only one hand was more difficult than I expected, and it tumbled onto my clothes.

Emma: I need more practice.

Azel: What are you talking about?

Before I could pick it up, a hand reached out, and the croquette disappeared into Prince Azel's mouth.

At the same time, the fork was taken from my hand, and he brought it to my lips with the croquette still skewered on it.

Azel: See, when something is offered to you, you're supposed to open your mouth, right?

*flashback*

Emma: In the world, this is called "aah."

Emma: When something is offered to you, you open your mouth.

Azel: ..............

*flashback over*

(...That time...)

Prince Azel, with a grumpy look on his face, forcefully pushed the croquette against my lips.

When I hesitantly opened my mouth, he mercilessly stuffed it in.

(...! ...It's big!)

Prince Azel intently watched as I desperately chewed and swallowed.

Azel: Your mouth is unexpectedly small.

(...He wasn't being mean, he really didn't know.)

With a nonchalant expression, he broke the croquette and offered a smaller piece in front of me.

Emma: Thank you. But then Prince Azel won't be able to eat.

Azel: I'll just eat normally later?

Emma: It'll get cold.

Azel: The taste won't change. Just eat it.

Emma: munch...

(This feeling of being unaccustomed to "aah," it makes me flustered.)

(...I wish this would last forever.)

Azel: Don't make Kamal and Prince Silvio go through the same trouble.

Emma: I wouldn't ask them to "aah" me. Normal people don't do that.

(Ah...)

Prince Azel's hand stopped at my careless slip of the tongue.

Azel: What was that thing we did before, then?

Emma: That was... well... the situation was unavoidable, so to speak...

Emma: "Aah" is originally something you only do with someone you're close to, but... ahaha... haha...

Azel: ...You tricked me.

Emma: I didn't trick you!?

Azel: No wonder there was no "aah" when you had dinner with Prince Silvio.

Emma: That would be horrifying—ow!

Even as he pinched my cheek in displeasure, Prince Azel didn't withdraw the fork.

Emma: What's wrong with it? We're close.

Azel: We're not close, we're complete strangers.

Emma: So you do this kind of thing with everyone, Prince Azel?

Azel: ......

Emma: ...Come to think of it, only Silvio is called "Prince," so in terms of closeness...

Emma: Ow, ow, I'm sorry!

Prince Azel, pulling my cheeks hard, turned away.

Azel: I only call Silvio "Prince" because he's my benefactor.

Emma: Eh... not because he's rich?

Azel: Of course, that's part of it, but...

(So it is part of it.)

Azel: I told you before that Kamal was exiled, right? I had no way to contact him.

Azel: But one day, Prince Silvio, who was visiting as a merchant, smuggled Kamal into the country in his cargo.

Azel: You usually have to undergo a cargo inspection at the port, but...

Azel: They can't thoroughly inspect the luggage brought by royalty from another country.

Azel: Taking advantage of that loophole, the exile was able to return to Tanzanite.

(I can't believe that happened...)

(That's why Prince Silvio wasn't surprised when he found out Kamal-san was a man.)

Azel: Once he returned, I could disguise him however I wanted...

Azel: But if it weren't for that merchant's quick thinking, I wouldn't have been reunited with Kamal even now.

Emma: ...So that's the reason for the "Prince."

(It seems he's not just greedy.)

Each time I learn something new, my impression of Prince Azel changes.

Azel: On the other hand, you've been so disrespectful that it's a waste to even call you "Miss."

Azel: Maybe I should just call you Emma from now on.

Emma: .......

Azel: ...What's with that subtle look on your face?

Emma: Nothing...

(...This person's obliviousness is truly terrifying...)

In general, being called by your first name indicates a closer relationship than using honorifics like "Prince" or "Miss," but...

I couldn't bring myself to say that.

-

The night passed by in a flash, and the end drew near.

Once the sun rose from the horizon tomorrow, this time would never return.

Whenever my mind relaxed, tears welled up, and I pressed them into my pillow as I shifted in bed.

Prince Azel was reading a book beside me, maintaining his usual composure despite it being the last day.

Emma: ...Aren't you scared?

Azel: Not at all?

Emma: I'm... scared.

Azel: I figured.

Emma: ...Shall we chat?

Azel: We've already talked enough.

Emma: There are tons of things I want to know about Prince Azel.

(...I don't want to sleep.)

(Just for today, I want to keep seeing this dream for as long as possible.)

Azel: For example?

Emma: ...Like why Prince Azel is so greedy.

Azel: There's no reason, money is necessary to live.

Emma: You said that before, didn't you?

*flashback*

Emma: Is the Living God that hard up for money?

Azel: I don't take money because I'm hard up.

Azel: I take money to live.

*flashback over*

Emma: But you're not in a position to be troubled by money, Prince Azel.

Azel: ...Certainly, if I wanted to, I could get any amount of living expenses from the national treasury.

Azel: But depending on someone else's money is the same as having your life and freedom in their hands.

Azel: It would defeat the purpose of escaping to the solitary desert castle.

(Now that he mentions it, that's true. He could be forced to accept women by being held hostage with money.)

Azel: To escape from that geezer, I needed to earn money on my own.

Azel: But God can't openly do business.

Emma: Why is that?

Azel: Because it would become an offering, not a business.

Azel: People desire God's protection. If that God says "I want money," they'll rush to offer it.

Azel: Tanzanite is a country with deep faith. It wouldn't be strange for someone to offer their entire fortune.

(...It was the God's way of making sure people's lives wouldn't be ruined.)

Azel: If I can't do business with the people of my own country, then I should turn my attention to people from other countries.

Azel: To earn money, I needed to invite many people from other countries.

(People from other countries...)

*flashback*

Silvio: ...It's been about ten years.

Silvio: Since Tanzanite started focusin' on tourism and became one of the best at attractin' visitors on the continent with its song and dance.

*flashback over*

Emma: Ah, could it be...

Emma: Did you start the tourism industry, Prince Azel?

Azel: You're sharp today, aren't you?

(I'm surprised...)

Emma: I thought it originated with Kumushu, the head of the tourism association...

Azel: I was the one giving instructions to that Kumushu.

Azel: I opened up the closed country, and gradually people from other countries started flowing in.

Azel: And, as you know, the richest man on the continent, drawn by the rumors, took the bait.

Emma: If Prince Silvio is your business partner, you won't have any trouble with money, will you?

Azel: Yes, he's still my biggest source of income.

Azel: Thanks to him, I've been able to invest in all sorts of things that the national budget couldn't afford.

(...Wait, so Prince Azel is actually a rich man disguised as someone poor...?)

Prince Azel closed his book and lay down.

He wasn't facing away from me as usual, but facing me.

Azel: By the way, don't you think it's unfair?

Emma: What is?

Azel: We've been talking about me this whole time, and you haven't said anything about yourself.

Emma: ...Are you perhaps interested in me—

Azel: I'm just tired of talking.

He pinched my cheeks.

I'm used to it now, and even this pain is dear to me.

(But when this night is over...)

(...! ...No, I still can't come to terms with it.)

Prince Azel must have noticed my teary eyes.

Azel: What kind of person are you, and how have you lived your life?

Emma: ...That's a long story.

Azel: I'm impressed that you've lived such a fulfilling life.

(I'll talk as much as you want. To keep this night from ending...)

But dreams don't last.

—The moon set, the sun rose, and the day of the end arrived.

.

.

.

Romantic Ending Ch. 23 Letter

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to leave me a tip here or buy me a coffee through the "Leave a Tip" button on my navigation bar!

[i-arch-my-backula]

TWD characters when you tell them about your assault

This is heavily inspired by the post @slasherhaven that they made awhile ago. I've been hyperfixated on TWD lately and I'm still in the middle of watching it, I'm early in season 9 so sorry if these are kind of OOC. Also I am now writing for Maggie and Glenn.

Rick Grimes, Daryl Dixon, Glenn Rhee, and Maggie Rhee

Warnings: Mentions of past sexual assault no explicit details mentioned, murder, canon typical violence, talk of getting killed by walkers, slight season three spoilers

Rick Grimes

When you tell him about what happened to you his heart breaks and he's immediately filled with rage. He doesn't want to leave you alone after you're so open and vulnerable with him about this but he genuinely has to step away to calm himself down about this.

Once he's calmed himself down he'll be quickly back to help comfort you about what happened. Holding you close and letting you vent as much as you need to. Now that he's here he's going to protect you as much as he can and no one is going to hurt you again.

When you give him information on the person who did it to you he thinks not much of it for the time being but when he runs into the piece of filth that hurt you he's seething. But he'll put on a mask until he can really get close enough to get them back.

He's not going to waste a bullet on this sick son of a bitch. He'll made it slow and painful. He'll beat them bloody and make sure they're eaten by walkers before they die.

Then he'll go back home to you and make sure that you're comforted and know that you're deeply loved and appreciated by him. He'll never tell you that he killed them, but he'll always let you know that they can't hurt you anymore.

Daryl Dixon

He's not exactly sure how to go about helping you when you tell him about your assault. Of course he's upset, he's very outraged, but he's not very in tune with his emotions and obviously he's not going to really know how to handle regulating his emotions and help you.

In a rare moment of vulnerability he'll hold you close to him and let you cry out your feelings. He won't say or do much other than hold you close and promise you that no one is ever going to hurt you again.

You gave him details about your assault but he never actually expected to come across that person, especially given the fact that it's the apocalypse. But when he sees the person that hurt you his immediate reaction is to try and kill them.

But he settles on beating them close to death and berating them the entire time about how much of an awful person they are and just how much they deserve what's happening to them. After beating them close to death he'll leave them there and hope that a walker eats them alive.

Just like with Rick he'll get back home and go to give you a hug, which is rare with Daryl. He'll hover close to you for the rest of the day and will be sure to try and show you just how much he cares about you in his own way. He'll also never tell you what he did, he'll just tell you there's no way in hell they can hurt someone ever again.

Glenn Rhee

He's 100% pulling you into a hug when you tell him about what happened to you. He'll be silent the entire time unless you want him to comfort you verbally which he will do if that's what you need to happen.

He'll spend the rest of the day taking care of you and trying to keep your load relatively light. He'll be close to you for the rest of the day and try to make sure that you're not beating yourself up for what happened to you.

When he finds out he knows the person who assaulted you he's livid. He takes them out to a secluded area and threatens them after beating them for a bit. He swears if they ever come near you again he'll kill them.

He personally watches or makes sure that they're long gone before the comes back home to you where he assures you they'll never hurt you ever again. He won't give details but he'll keep assuring you that they'll never hurt you again.

Maggie Rhee

When you explain your assault to her she's heartbroken, immediately pulling you into a hug and holding you there for as long as you need to be held.

If she feels like it could help you she'll talk about her own experience with what happened with The Governor. She'll appreciate how vulnerable you're being with her and she'll feel like she can be vulnerable with someone again.

If she ever comes across the person who hurt you she's going to be overcome with rage and will have to calm herself down to get him back to Hilltop and keep him there while she talks to you about what you want to do about them.

If you want them dead she's happy to help you with killing them, however you want to kill them she'll help, unless you want to do it yourself. She wants to get you justice and if killing them is justice to you then go ahead.

If you don't want them dead she understands that but she'll eventually to it herself. She can't stand the idea of the person who hurt you so horribly being able to go unpunished for what they did to you. Either way after what happens she's going to comfort you again.

[aliceintheworld]

PURE ATTRACTION | JJK | TATTOO ARTIST

Pairing: TattooArtistJungkook X NaiveReader

Summary: "I shoudn't be watching a man undressing, specially not from the house next door."

Warning: Very cute Jungkook 🥰, tipsy behaviour, homosexual relationship, deep conversations, the Reader starts to lose their shyness 🥹, kisses, fluff, and a lot of fluff 😻

A/N: Hi, I'm back. This week has been very hard, and I thought coming here would be a way to distance myself from reality 😭 In the last chapter, we saw that Jungkook had a romantic relationship with Namjoon. I received some comments saying they won't read my story anymore and that I ruined it, because of that. I am a very insecure person. This is the first time I'm posting something I've written, and honestly, I don’t know what to think. The boys are very important to me, and I don’t want to offend any of them (or anyone else). If necessary, I will remove everything I’ve written and just move on. Please leave your opinion in the comments. Other than that, thank you very much for the positive messages. I’m very happy to know that a good part of those who are here with me are enjoying it. Thank you so much.

Previous chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter 6

My week passed slowly and calmer than I imagined. I worked and studied as always, and fortunately, I passed my semester exams. My mind was always in another dimension, but I held back and did my best not to let Jungkook affect me. Or the thoughts of him, which were insistent and continuous. I didn’t see him anymore, at his mother’s house or anywhere I went. As soon as I got to my room that morning, I received a message from an unknown number, which I knew was him, asking if I was okay and if I was safe. I replied yes and then I didn’t send any more messages, even when he asked what I would do on Wednesday and if I wanted to meet him somewhere.

Unlike last week, feeling embarrassed, I didn’t visit Mrs. Jeon as much as I would have liked, afraid to see Jungkook and be confronted. At times, I wanted to tell her what happened, to vent to someone and express how confused I am, even though she is his mother, but I held back and didn’t say anything, knowing that the torment in my head doesn’t go away because I want him back, with me, and I know that venting in this case doesn’t help at all.

I have always been submissive to my mother and thought of her before anything else. Before myself, it comes her. It has always been this way, as if it were engraved in my brain or I were programmed that way. Jungkook may not understand, but that’s the truth. That’s why I can’t relax around him. I find myself in conflict with what I desire and what I know she would want. I have never disobeyed Eunji, let alone considered that idea. I know she wouldn’t approve of Jungkook, for a million reasons, so I am aware that if I were honest with her and admitted my feelings, there would be a conflict between us that I know I am not prepared to start.

My mother has been stricter with me as the days have passed, and I know it’s because the date of my father’s death is approaching. I try to please her in every way I can, as a way of compensation. I went to church more times than normal, worked at the bazaar, and even cooked so she wouldn’t have to. I don’t like hiding anything from her and I feel guilty in a way for lying that day. Our mother-daughter relationship has been like this my whole life, somewhat cold and strange; since I was a child, I took on her pains and tried to put her needs ahead of mine.

Today was very busy. I helped a classmate with her college exams, since unfortunately, she didn’t do well in the final tests, and I worked twice as hard because those who don’t study, always get desperate in the university library, trying to learn what they didn’t study the entire semester. I had to organize the same books thousands of times and barely had time to eat or go to the bathroom.

I got home dead tired but fulfilled. The college assignments are ready and the tests are done. At least the worries I felt about college are no longer a problem; one less thing to stress about. I grab a romance book to read, and flip through the pages with pleasure, curious to see if the main character will finally confess her feelings. I’m halfway through the chapter, engrossed in continuing, when my phone vibrates. I look at the screen without much attention, accepting the call without knowing who it is.

“Y/N?” I hear a hoarse voice on the other end of the line, and my body instantly tingles. I take the phone from my ear and sit up in bed, flustered. It’s Jungkook

I remain silent, not knowing what to say.

“Y/N? Are you there?” he asks. I consider the possibility of saying nothing, and just letting him think I answered the phone by accident, but I can’t. I want to talk to him; I want to know how he is. I miss him.

“Jungkook, I’m here.” I say; my voice trembling without much strength. I swallow hard, nervous. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine.” He murmurs. There’s another moment of silence; only his heavy breathing filling the sound of the call.

“That’s good.” I force a smile, even though he can’t see me. I shake my head, grabbing a strand of my hair.

“I wanted... I wanted to see you.” He says softly, in a whisper, and my already agitated heart beats even faster. Butterflies fill my stomach, the way I can’t help it.

“Jungkook, I can’t.”

“You can, and I know you want to.” He asserts, with so much confidence, it’s as if he knows all my thoughts. “I want to be with you. We don’t need to do anything. We can just talk, watch something together. I need to be with someone.”

“Did something happen?” I ask, worried. I bite my lower lip, waiting for his answer.

“Yes... a person. One that I’m trying to get rid of, has been trying to get close. I don’t want that.” He replies. I don’t understand anything he says. Is it a friend? Did he have a falling out with someone?

“We can talk on the phone.” I suggest. For some reason, I feel safer when there’s a big space between us. I think the fact that he’s far from me, gives me the false sense that I’m in control of the situation.

“Are you that afraid of me?” He chuckles. I smile in response, shrugging.

“You said you wanted to talk. We’re talking.”

“How difficult you are.” He sighs, teasing me. “Don’t you miss me at all?”

“Jungkook!” I scold him. I’m breathless just from the question.

“It’s serious. I told you that you needed time to think, but I didn’t imagine you wanted to stay away from me, while you decided.”

“It’s just that everything is very complicated.”

“I feel used.” He jokes again, making me grin. “You used my body and now you don’t even want to look at my face.”

“You’re making me embarrassed.” I grunt, laughing awkwardly. My cheeks turns red with the memories of us in his bed. Him sucking me, fingering me, making me come. My God, it feels like that happened years ago, not just a few days.

“Sorry. I know, I shouldn’t say those things. But I really wanted to see you. Can’t you come here?” he asks, his voice dragging. I furrow my brows, suspicious.

“Did you—Jungkook, have you been drinking?”

“Just a little.” He chuckles on the call. Now everything makes sense. He wouldn’t call me if he were sober. If he were completely sane, he would seek out one of his friends to vent. I sigh, throwing myself onto the bed.

“I’m going to hang up, okay?”

“Wait! Don’t hang up! Why are you doing this? Did I do something?”

“Because you’re drunk.” I finally say, a little upset. Would he want to call me if it weren’t for the alcohol? The doubt makes me uncomfortable.

“I’m not drunk Y/N, I swear. I just drank a little. I’m 100% aware of the things I’m telling you.” Jungkook argues desperately, as if he’s afraid I’ll hang up at any moment. I sigh again, closing my eyes.

“Where are you?” I ask, and almost immediately, regret it. Whether he’s drunk or not, it’s not my problem. Jungkook is an adult and knows very well what he’s doing. He’s not your father, a voice in my head says.

“I’m at my apartment. You know the address. I just didn’t pick you up because I drank; otherwise, I’d already be at your door.”

“Please, don’t do that!” I widen my eyes, just imagining the scene. My father died in a car accident because he was drunk and didn’t know what he was doing. Besides being dangerous, my mother isn’t stupid, and if she realizes I have any involvement with him because he came to pick me up, I’m screwed.

“Then come over. I even bought Mexican food.” He says softly, almost pleading. I roll my eyes and grunt, irritated with myself and with him. Why can’t I resist him? For fuck sake!

“Okay, I’ll try. But we’re just going to talk, watch something, and then I’ll go back. We’re not going to do anything else besides that!” I assure, more to myself, afraid that the same thing will happen as last Sunday.

“Okay. I swear I’ll try to control myself.” He mocks again. I smirk, covering my mouth. I like the normal Jungkook, but him being drunk... it’s like he’s himself, but lighter and funnier.

“Alright, I’ll see you in thirty minutes.”

“Send me your location on your phone.” He asks. I mumble in agreement, and then he hangs up. I stare at my ceiling for a good few seconds, not believing it. Why am I doing this? Why am I going to his apartment? Where is this going to lead me?

When I was a little girl, I liked to imagine myself with kids, a husband, and a part-time job. I have always been very romantic; I never wanted to be with someone unless it was forever. At the same time, every time I think of Jungkook, none of that matters. He doesn’t want something serious, from what it seemed when he talked to his friends, and yet I can’t get him out of my head. I do things I would never do, and recklessly, I don’t measure the consequences of my actions. I quickly get out of bed and pace back and forth in my room. My mom is home, maybe in the living room. It’s already nine o’clock on a Friday night, and there’s nothing I can say to her that would convince her to let me go out.

At the same time, I told her an hour ago that I wasn’t going to have dinner and that I would sleep after a shower. She hasn’t been to my room since then. Maybe if I sneak out the window and call a taxi, she won’t even notice I left the house. I bite my lip, nervous. I decide to lock my bedroom door just for safety and simultaneously, put some pillows underneath my blanket, forming the silhouette of what was supposed to be my body. I grin nervously, not knowing what to do. I’ve never run away from home, and the only experience I have consists of teen movies and series. I have no idea if this is really going to work.

I change my clothes for a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt when I realize it’s colder outside, and I open my window. I sneak out with little skill along the balcony, and the bars that accompany the wall, until I reach the grass in my backyard. I tiptoe, trying not to make noise with my sneakers. I walk down my street somewhat breathlessly, pondering the idea of turning back and forgetting that Jungkook even called me. At the same time, I want to see him again. Without thinking too much, I call the taxi, which arrives quickly at my address.

The whole journey takes about ten minutes and simultaneously passes in the blink of an eye. My hands get sweaty as I recognize some places and establishments still open. I sigh, looking at my phone. There are no messages from my mother, only one from Jungkook, saying he’s tracking me via GPS. I smile, feeling a bit more secure. A wave of anxiety, heat, and uncertainty washes over me tough, when I arrive in front of the building of the man who, since I met him, has been haunting my head.

I open the car door and take a moment to look at the facade of the place, something I didn’t have much time to do last time. It’s beautiful, full of flowers and a spectacular garden. I walk along the sidewalk, still not knowing what to do, when I finally see him. Jungkook must have gone down to the lobby without me noticing, and he watches me with a smile on his face, so innocent and anxious that, amidst all this chaos, I’m glad I came. He walks up to me with disheveled and wet hair, perhaps from a recent shower he must have taken, wearing a black and white striped pajama; one of those you only wear in the comfort of your home.

I smile, unable to help it, vulnerable, energized and anxious. “I was worried about you, so I came down.” He comments, getting closer to me.

A scent of perfume, soap, and shaving foam envelops me deeply. My stomach churns again. If I thought hearing his voice made me unstable, seeing him in person completely breaks me. I don’t say a word, still mesmerized by his presence.

“You didn’t pay for the taxi, did you? I came down like a madman when I saw you had arrived.” He tells me. I shake my head in denial. He smiles again and walks over to the driver’s window. He takes the money from his wallet and returns to me as if this were routine and I visited him every day. He smiles one more time, taking steps towards me. “I told you I wasn’t drunk. Tipsy? Yes. Drunk, no.”

“Okay. You’re not. Sorry.” I grin awkwardly, looking down.

“You don’t need to apologize. Come with me; it’s too cold here, and I don’t want you to catch a cold.” He concludes, putting one of his arms around my shoulder, in an intimate touch that brings back memories of the night we were together. I follow him without much questioning, until we reach the elevator.

Inside the metal box, the tension rises. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, trying to stay calm. I don’t need to be nervous. We’re going to talk, whatever it is he wants to say, and then I’ll go back home the same way I left, through my bedroom window. I lean my head against the wall, staring at the mirror that surrounds the elevator walls. The energy of his gaze burns me. He looks at me in a way that leaves me breathless. I swallow hard, not having the courage to reciprocate. It’s as if time has stopped and only we two exist. When I decide to say something, the elevator stops.

He guides me to enter his apartment, and a mountain of memories takes over me immediately. I chuckle in disbelief, covering my face with my hand. If my mother finds out I’m here, I don’t like to think about what could happen. I sit quietly on the couch, observing the place. It all seems the same as last time, except for Jungkook’s friends who filled the environment. Now it’s like there’s too much space, just the two of us here. I lick my dry lips, organizing my hair back, behind my shoulders.

“Are your friends okay?” I ask, trying to talk about things that aren’t about him and me. That for a few minutes, we can pretend that night never happened.

“They are.” He smiles at me, shrugging. “They’re planning a party to celebrate my studio when it’s ready. You’re definitely invited.” He says, sitting next to me. He touches the piercing on his eyebrow with his fingertips, and tosses his dark, soft hair back.

“When’s the celebration party going to be?” I ask, placing my hands on my lap, afraid to touch him. He’s so close that I can fully see the moles around his neck. The Adam’s apple moving every time he talks and swallows.

“I don’t know. There’s still so much to do, but I can’t stay in Busan because I left everything in Seoul to come here. At the same time, I can’t neglect my mom. It’s like I need several versions of myself to handle everything. Just one Jungkook isn’t enough, I think.” He chuckles, but gazing into his big eyes, I find no humor at all. I can’t imagine what it must be like for him to have his mother in this situation and live so far from her. He must be exhausted and worn out.

“When do you plan to go back to Seoul?” I ask, afraid of the answer.

“In about a month and a half, maybe.” He shrugs, biting his lower lip.

“Wow!” I say, surprised. I didn’t expect it to be so soon. He returns my gaze, confused. “I mean, it’s not long until you go back.” I smile, feigning an excitement I don’t feel, awkward.

“Yes, that’s true. I wish I could stop time right now. That would be the best superpower of all.” Jungkook laughs, forming a dimple in his cheek that I had never noticed he had. He rolls his eyes at himself, grunting. “Sorry, every time I drink something, I say these stupid things.”

“You don’t need to apologize.” I chuckle, a little more relaxed. He has this power over me, making me tense and calm at the same time.

“You know, I wanted to ask you something.” He comments, putting his feet on the couch.

“You can ask.”

“Promise you won’t get embarrassed?” He asks, grinning. I shake my head, rolling my eyes.

“I can’t promise that because I don’t know what the question is.”

“Oh, come on!? You always make that face when I talk to you.” He chuckles, teasing me. I shake my head, not understanding.

“What face? What are you talking about?”

“That face. You puff your cheeks because you’re blushing and look away all the time.” He clarifies. My cheeks turn red instantly, making him grin again. I cover my face, embarrassed.

“I can’t control that. Just ask your question, please.” I plead, somewhat awkwardly. He stops grinning and clears his throat, leaving me even more curious.

“I just wanted to know why... why didn’t you answer me that day? Why have you been avoiding me? Why didn’t you go to my mom’s house these days?”

“How do you know I didn’t visit your mom?” I retort, feeling a tingling in my hands, nervous.

“I know because I asked her.” He murmurs, and this time, he’s the one who turns red, as if he didn’t expect my question and feels uncomfortable answering. “After that night, I thought I’d see you again, that we could talk, but you never showed up again.”

“You didn’t show up either.” I defend myself, but I know my stupid argument makes no sense. Jungkook rolls his eyes, looking at me in such a deep way that I find myself breathless, for a good few seconds.

“Seriously Y/N. Did I do something? Did I hurt you in some way?”

“Do you think you did something to me? Is that what you’ve been thinking?”

“I understood it that way, and I’m afraid that it might be true. I don’t want to hurt you, not at all. You’ve helped my mom and have been so good to me. I don’t want to make you feel bad.” He assures again, without stopping. I close my eyes, angry with myself. Is that what I led him to believe when I didn’t respond to his message? When I was cold, did I upset him?

“Jungkook, you didn’t hurt me. Not at all, not in any way. You need to know that.” I affirm in the best way I can, breathless. “I’m like this. That’s why I don’t have friends; that’s why I don’t have people I can count on, because I push everyone away. This is a problem with me, not with you.”

“And why do you do that?” He questions, relaxing his body on the couch. He looks me in the eyes, and even though I try to look away, I can’t. He stare at me in such an intense way that it’s as if he can see my soul. I play with my fingers, not knowing what to do, disconcerted.

“I don’t want to get hurt. Because human relationships are difficult and unstable. Because when you let someone get close, you give them the power to hurt you, and I don’t want that to happen.”

“I know. I understand, and I don’t judge you.” He shakes his head. “So many things have happened in the last few months. I wanted to talk to someone during these days, and incredibly, the only person that came to my mind was you.”

I widen my eyes in surprise. I turn my attention to his face, but he’s distant, staring at something beyond the ceiling of his apartment. It’s as if he’s far away in thoughts and not in this moment, with me. I bite the inside of my cheek, touched. Him thinking of me, even if it’s just to vent, moves me. I like Jungkook. I truly like him, since the first time I saw him. Not just his body or his appearance, but the way he talks to me, as if I were someone worth listening to.

“You, Y/N, did something to me. Since that night, I can’t think of anything else, and I don’t know why.” He confesses, finally returning his face to me. My breathing becomes erratic, my heart races, and my hands get sweaty. “I also, that night, was confused. Just like you.”

“How so?” I ask, speechless.

“I don’t want you to be upset. I want to be honest with you.” He says. He puts one of his big, soft hands close to my face and tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. I feel that wherever his touch passes, my skin burns. “Before coming to Busan, I had a serious relationship. Very serious.”

“You were with someone?” I ask, afraid to find out he still has something with that person.

“Yes.” He says softly. His breath close enough of me to feel it. “It was so serious that I swore he would be the person I would marry. I had never dated anyone besides him. I had never fallen in love, not that way.” He speaks, confessing to me, and my throat tightens. Does Jungkook like men? He had a relationship with someone of the same sex? For some reason, I never imagined the inked guy could be attracted to the male gender. Still, what really bothers me is when I hear him say he loved him. Does he still love him? Does he still think about him, when he’s alone?

“And then it ended, and everything I believed was shattered.” He shakes his head, and then chuckles without any humor. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I really don't. It’s just that when I’m with you, I feel light. I love my friends, I truly do, but when I’m with you, I feel comfortable, as if you wouldn’t judge me.”

“I wouldn’t judge you for anything, Jungkook.” I say softly and somehow, he can hear me. He smiles too, a little embarrassed.

“You know, after I ended my relationship and then that happened with my mom, I thought I was in a nightmare. All the people I could count on would simply disappear, and I couldn’t do anything, as if my hands were tied.”

“I know what you mean.” I comment, remembering my father. Not his last moments, drunk and a stranger. Those moments, from before, when he was the man I was proud to call my father. The man I knew I could count on, because he was always by my side.

“Tell me a little about you, Y/N. I feel like I’m just talking about myself. I really want to know you more. Listen to you.” He suggests. I raise my eyebrow, surprised.

“I don’t have anything to say.” I chuckle awkwardly.

“Of course you do. Everyone has something to say.” He argues, shaking his head. “Tell me about your life. Have you always lived in Busan?”

“Yes, I’m from Busan.” I reply, smiling slightly. “When I was younger, I went to the beach every weekend because I lived closer to the coast.”

“Really? I’ve never been to the beach.” He says, shrugging. I open my mouth, astonished.

“It’s so strange to hear that. I always went when I was a kid. For some reason, after I moved, I never did again.” I sigh, nostalgic. The things I used to enjoy a few years ago simply lost meaning, when my father died and my mother became the woman she is now.

“Why don’t you go back to the beach once in a while? It’s not that far from here.”

“I don’t know why; I just don’t go. I forgot that I missed it until I started talking to you.” I smile genuinely this time. He returns the smile, nibbling on his rosy lips that I like so much.

“Maybe we could go to the beach together. I to get to know it, and you to reconnect.” He suggests with a light and sincere smile, and my stomach, a little calmer, fills with butterflies again.

“Maybe.” I agree, not knowing if that would actually be possible. Who knows, in the future, or at some other moment. I don’t want to dismiss that possibility when it seems so sweet and inviting. I sigh, looking at the screen of my phone. It’s almost eleven o’clock. I know I have to go home. Jungkook seems to realize my doubt and makes a pout with his lips, almost like a spoiled child who didn’t get what he wanted. "I think I must go."

“We should eat first. I ordered tacos and burritos, and if everything gets cold, the food loses fifty percent of its flavor.” He says, already getting up, not giving me much opportunity to contest. I get up too, rolling my eyes.

“That’s another one of your theories? Like that one of having four meals a day?” I ask, finding it funny. I follow him into his kitchen, watching him take the Mexican food out of some containers. It looks so appetizing and seasoned that my mouth waters.

“My mom was really cruel when I was younger.” Jungkook laughs. He frowns, with that same expression he always makes when he sees something delicious, then looks at me, bringing a taco closer to my mouth. “The first bite has to be yours.”

“You can eat it. You seem hungrier than I am.” I reply, teasing. He pretends to look angry and shakes his head, as if I just said the most nonsensical thing in the world.

“I’m a gentleman. I insist.” He brings the taco closer to my mouth again, and with no alternative, I bite the food he offers me with such insistence. The spicy flavor brings such a rich explosion to my tongue that I can’t help but like it. I must have done something funny tough, because Jungkook smile, in a delightful chuckle that I had never heard coming from him.

“The corner of your mouth is dirty.” He explains in a whisper, pointing to my lower lip. I try to clean it by myself, but I seem to be unsuccessful, as he himself wipes the sauce off my skin with his thumb. I take a few seconds to realize how close he is to me, naturally intoxicating me. I can smell his perfume. His energy that brings electricity to my body. How much my skin longs for him. I want to kiss him again. To feel his lips, just like I did in this same kitchen that morning.

Jungkook seems to understand exactly what I’m thinking because he smiles that loose and careless smirk, as if he knows what I want and is waiting for me to make the first move.

“If you want to kiss me, I give you all my permission. I’m serious.” He jokes, but doesn’t laugh. His dark, big doe-eyes go toward my mouth and I see desire; feelings I had never seen directed at me. I swallow hard, nervous.

“I can’t, Jungkook. My mom, she...” I whisper, trying to organize my thoughts. He smiles, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear.

“Forget about your mom, Y/N. Do you want this?” He questions softly. I nod my head. He knows I want to, I want it so badly that it’s as if I’m going to die. “If that’s what you want, do it! Screw what your mom thinks. Just do it.”

“I promised myself I wouldn’t do anything when I came here.” I tell him, chuckling nervously.

“It seems you can’t stay away from me. After that night, I don’t want to stay away from you either.” He denies, closing his eyes. “This week was hell... I don’t want to feel alone. Do you feel the same as I do?”

“I do.” I agree, and without thinking much, I kiss him.

His warm lips touch mine, and if I could save this moment in my head and make copies, I would. Unlike the first night I was here, Jungkook is calmer, less desperate. It’s as if he has time to be with me and wants to enjoy every second. I feel his hands on my waist, pulling me towards him until I’m completely fused to his body. I grunt when his tongue requests entry inside my mouth, and I can’t stop him, nor do I want to. I pull at his hair, feeling its softness, in a pleasant caress at the nape of his neck. He smiles during the kiss, moaning. He slowly separates from me, holds my cheeks with both hands, and seals our lips once again, in short pecks that spread across my entire face. I chuckle when one of them touches my jawline, tickling me.

“Stop, please!” I burst out laughing when he continues, kissing my forehead, nose, and finally, my lips again.

“I'm only stopping because I need to breathe.” He laughs with me, finally ceasing.

“Ok, clingy boy, I really need to go now.” I mock disheartened, trying to disentangle myself from him. He stops me, kissing me again.

“Please, don’t go.”

“I have to go. Seriously.”

“It’s too early.” He argues, caressing my face with his thumb.

“What happened to you, Jungkook? Why are you being so dramatic?” I question, curious. He’s different. A good different, but I can’t understand him. Does he want something serious with me? He doesn’t love the person he was in a serious relationship with, anymore? There are so many questions in my head that I feel lost.

“I'm not being dramatic. I like you, Y/N.” He assures me as if it were the most obvious thing, with those dark, big eyes, so pure... I simply can’t explain why, I just believe him.

“You do?” I ask, smiling. No one ever said that to me. A good feeling fills me; my cheeks turn red as he nods his head.

“I like. I thought you knew.” He says simply. And then peck me again. “Come on, before you go, you’re going to eat with me.”

“Okay, but I need to be quick. It’s getting really late.” I say, worried about my mom; the fact that she might find out I left the house.

“I’ll accompany you in the taxi. I’m not letting you go alone. Then I can come back here.”

“Really?” I ask. He chuckles, pulling my hand until I sit in the chair. “Then okay. Let's eat. And Jungkook?"

"What?"

"I like you too." I say, seeing his small and cute smile

Ask for a TAGLIST in the comments.

@ttipa @ane102 @joonwater

[desertthorn]

This is a really hard post to write. I normally wouldn't divelge any sort of information of this kind of vulnerability in my life. However something very painful has happened recently and without going too much detail I have a week to leave.

Long story short I moved 900 miles from everything I've ever known to be with someone else who betrayed me in the most deepest, painful way that I didn't even know as possible. Not from them anyway. But because I'm living in his house, I now have to get out by this time next week. I have almost no money to my name because I've spent it all on him, and in moving expenses to get here in the first place. I honestly don't believe that he meant to hurt me this way, but it doesn't change the fact that he did, and now I have to go and there's nothing I can do about it. I am trying to set up some sort of like GoFundMe, but I've never done that before and I don't know how to start. In the meantime, for anyone who can contribute to my getting out of here, I don't actually know how much money I need, but I do have a PayPal that I'll link below. I feel like trash asking this. I've never before actually looked for my own help before. I have a hard time acknowledging that I need it in the first place. But at this point if I don't, I'm probably going to end my life right here. Because I can't take this anymore. So I guess this is like the last thing I can try before, you know, the end. And I still probably won't even post this, at least not right now. But I probably should. I know if I had someone I knew who in this situation, I would want to help them. So I'm trying to focus on the fact that other people might feel that way about me. And if I'm wrong, I can't really see the hurt in asking. Because honestly, how could this possibly get any worse?

I wish I could rant about all the stuff that's happened in the last couple months, especially in the last few weeks, but I don't know if I have it in me anymore. I've yelled and ranted and vented and talked and talked and talked and talked and talked and talked for the last 2 days. I don't think I can go through with anymore. So I'll post the paypal below if you can help, thank you, if not, I understand. I guess that's all I had to say. I don't even know where to go from here. My entire world is broken. I don't see the use of living in it.

.

.

.

Paypal: DesertThornDesigns

I couldn't figure out how to make a link. That's the name of the business paypal I use.

[charles-simmons-fanfiction]

Why can I only kiss your ghost? - Neil Perry / Todd Anderson

Description: Unfortunately for Todd, a ghost will never be as warm as he needs it to. [hurt/no comfort, 700 words]

Wrote this for comfort, ironically. It's a kind of vent if I think too much about it.

---

His eyes have been closed for hours, Todd is starting to accept he's not getting any sleep, again.

The room is silent and dark, as it is every night. There is no one sleeping in the bed next to him. No heavy breathing and light snoring, but an empty bed whose sheets and pillows were already taken away a while again.

In a way, that's a good thing. Anderson would've left that place forever if they had assigned him a new roommate. A substitute for someone who could never keep him company again. Nolan didn't have the audacity to do that, yet.

He sighs in annoyance and sits up, with his face on his hands, feeling under his fingers the greasy hair he didn't have energy to wash and that was already way too long for him.

"You need to sleep"

The familiar voice didn't alarm him.

"Shut up," he looked up to see Neil standing at the door, with his hand in his pockets. "You don't know how this is like."

There was silence again. Neil looked at him with empty eyes. Todd felt too angry to cry.

"How dare you even come back now?" His tone was harsh, yet not loud. "How dare you haunt me when I'm already hurting this much? What do you want from me?"

Neil had no answer for him. Todd clenched his fist, and got up.

"Are you hearing me, Neil? Are you even there?" There was no reaction from the friend in front of him. He didn't feel like a friend to Todd anymore, but had he ever? "Take a good look at me, Neil Perry. Look what you've done to me!"

Silence. Again, the goddamn silence.

"Oh, I wish I had never met you. The happiness you brought me was not as half as big as the pain I feel," the words came out as a firm whisper, hurting Todd's throat as they left his mouth.

Neil's eyes only stayed on him for a few instants, and he turned his head to the empty bed. "Then I suppose I should go."

Todd grabbed him by the collar of his shirt before he could even try, and pushed him hard against the wall.

Neil whimpered in pain. His eyes watered, struggling as he tried to get away, and the guilty hit Todd like a punch in the gut, but he didn't let go.

"So that's it? You're leaving me again at the first chance you get?" He hit Neil against the wall again, his nails now dug into his neck. It wouldn't bleed, not ever again.

"I thought I was hurting you being here," the ghost choked out. The moonlight entered the room through the window, and looking deep into his eyes, Todd could swear he had never looked so dead.

"You are all I have left," the anger in his voice grew into desperation. "Don't abandon me again! I'm not that strong, Neil"

Before Neil could speak, Todd pushed his lips against his in an unreciprocated kiss. His eyes were completely full of tears by the time he pulled away.

The bullet hole could be seen in the side of Neil's head, an unnecessary reminder he is only a corpse.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me, I shouldn't have said that. Neil, I need you like I need air to breathe," Todd begged, his head falling to his friend's chest. "I don't care if you're real or not, just stay. If you ever loved me like I love you, stay. Please."

He sobbed his heart out, gripping onto a dead body as if his life depended on it. There was no warmth, no comfort. Todd had never craved a hug this much, yet he knew he would never get one ever again, not from who he needed.

By the time he opened his eyes, he was griping onto himself. The ghost was gone. His head ached like hell, and he could barely breathe. Todd screamed until he passed out in Neil's bed, not too long after.

That night, he had no dreams.

He was already dreaming while awake anyway.

---

I'm not really proud of my writing here, but I feel better now that I wrote it, so it's worth it. Anyway, take care y'all.

[niallandtommo]

end of 2024 post

2024 has been the wildest year of my life. i haven't been very active on here this year so i don't know if anyone still cares but here's a summary of the things that happened this year.

the year started off great with my trip to dublin. i had such an amazing time, what a beautiful city. i had a few wonderful days with pia @farfromthstars and we saw niall together. that will always be one of the most special moments of my life. seeing niall again after such a long time and doing all of this in his home country was so so special.

then i saw niall again, once more in dublin and in berlin and munich. all of these shows were so perfect, i had so much fun. i wish i could go back and do it all over again. i miss niall so much.

i also finally met jana @ccrossyourmind! we went to hamburg together and it was such a wonderful trip. we saw taylor together and that was one of the best shows i've ever seen! what an amazing concert.

had a few more short trips here and there with family, friends and also alone and in september i flew to turkey with my parents. we didn't see that much of the country because we just wanted to spend some quality time together so we mostly stayed in the hotel and at the beach but we had such a great time. amazing food, lots of sun and a lot of time spent playing games and talking to my parents.

i spent so much time with my family and my best friend. this will always be more important than anything else. my family and my best friend are the most important people in my life and knowing that they will always be there for me gives me so much strength. they've been there for me when i needed them the most and i'm forever grateful to have these people in my life. also shout out to jana @ccrossyourmind who has been an amazing friend for years but especially this year. she's been there for me more than ever. she listens to my podcast voice notes and she reads my messages when i just need to let it all out. thank you jana for being there and letting me vent whenever i need to. i'm so grateful to have you in my life. you're such an amazing friend and i hope 2025 will be your best year. i'm always here for you and i love you so much <3

in march i started dating someone i met on tinder which was wild and crazy and exciting but also nerve racking. he was my first everything and i had feelings for him so it really hurt when he broke my heart for the first time in june. he came back and i gave him another chance just for him to do the exact same thing (but even worse) in october. he broke things off, i was hurt and confused. looking back at it now, we just did not fit and it was the right thing to end it. but even though i know he was not the right one, the way he did it was just extremely disappointing and hurtful.

a few weeks after he broke my heart i was very frustrated and out of frustration i downloaded another dating app. i did not think that i would meet someone on there and i was still pretty messed up because of the other dude so technically i wasn't even ready to date again. fast forward to today, i am actually in my very first relationship 🙈 i met my boyfriend on said dating app and from the first conversation we had, we've been very honest with each other and even though i did not see any of this coming, on december 22nd he asked me to be his girlfriend and i said yes ❤️ i really did not think that i would end this year with a boyfriend by my side but i'm happy at the moment and we're having a great time together. things aren't perfect and i don't know what's going to happen next year. i have a tendency to focus on the negative things but i'm trying to work on that so for now i just wanna enjoy what i have and be happy <3

one last thing. losing liam this year has been so hard and so painful and that was also one of the reasons why i haven't been on here as much as i used to. because it hurts too much to look at pictures of the boys. i can't listen to their music anymore. not just liam or one direction, i can't listen to any of them. i'm still in denial and it doesn't feel real but sometimes i just burst into tears because i can't believe that he's really gone. all the friends i made on here are a part of my life because of these boys and this band. so many trips, so many concerts, so many happy moments. i don't think it will ever feel real that he's gone. i don't wanna believe that he's gone. so being on here and reblogging things just doesn't feel right to me. but i still read your posts and tags all the time and i hope you're all doing ok.

i love you all so much and i hope 2025 is gonna be the best year for all of us <3

[wanderneverlost]

Please forgive me... but I am in dread (and maybe denial?) and in no form am I emotionally ready for tomorrow.

Here's a short, spurr of the moment, heart destroying fic.

Crosshair's head faded in and out of black. Ringing sound shrill in his ears. What was going on? He tried to sit up, finding that he was already on the floor. His hand began to shake violently, chest tight, breathing shallow. Why am i shaking so much? Panic rose in his chest as he figured out why.

One word.

Tantis.

They came back. This time, he wasn't a prisoner. But something was still wrong. He breathed in and closed his eyes like Omega had taught him, it helped a little. He looked around to get a grip on what was happening.

Pert of the ceiling had come down, he and...

And then he remembered, he and Hunter were trying to help create a diversion so Omega could let out some creature. Thats when it happened: the beast had gone on a wild rampage and was wrecking havoc in the mountain.

Hunter? Wait. Where-?

He saw movement in the corner of his eye, a slight shift in the debris. Oh, no. Hunters lower half was under the rubble, his torso seeming to be fine. Crosshair rushed beside his brother, immediately relieved to see him still breathing. Unconscious, but breathing. He'd lost his helmet somewhere during the chaos.

"Hunter. Hunter, can you hear me?" Crosshair looked up at the damaged ceiling as the mountain groaned from the destruction. We need to get out of here.

He tried to look for a possible place to gain enough leverage to pull his brother out. When he tried to lift, the rubble shifted and Hunter groaned from the pain. Kriff.

"I hope you weren't planning on leaving." Hemlock's voice was on the intercom, "it's as I've said before," up in a vent, the familiar green gas seeped into the room, "you don't leave, unless I say."

He frantically looked from Hunter to the gas and the debris.

Minutes felt like lifetimes.

He strained and tried to lift the ceiling off of Hunter, screaming in an effort to be as strong as Wrecker, only to be left with little to no change.

No! It can't end like this.

Hunter began coughing from the toxins, and without hesitation Crosshair removed his helmet and pulled it over Hunter's head.

"Hunter," his voice faultered, "I- I'm sorry..." he began to cough, "Please, Maker, I'm-" he tried to choke back his sobs. The eerily familiar numbness was getting to his head, tingling sensation in his hands, he was kneeling next to Hunter. He went to reach for his brother's hand, feeling the world fall away, fingers just barely in Hunter's palm.

"I'm sorry..."

The next few moments were strange. Hearing his name called out in echos. His hand being firmly held. Lights in and out view. A face closely resembling Mayday. Hearing and feeling his heartbeat drum slowly. Each bteath taking ages to get.

And then.

All black.

He felt like a cadet again. Harsh nights when the regs were at their worst. Hunter would spot out a quiet, unnoticeable and dark space for him. He would tell him where it was most times, but on the worst of the worst... Crosshair would just have Hunter lead him to it. They'd hide together, and just let the emotions go. Hunter's arms bracing Crosshair as tears drenched the shoulder of his blacks.

He felt like he was there now. But the room was gone. Just empty space. This would be a good place to leave from.

Hunter was still there. He stayed for what seemed like forever. Too soon, he was gone too. Leaving Crosshair in a dark void.

He noticed, finally. He wasn't shaking anymore. He looked down at his adult hands... they weren't trembling. He placed them on his lap and bowed his head.

So, that's it, then?

And he waited there.

Waited for punishment.

For a guide.

Resolution.

Just waiting.

Strangely enough, the dark void began to shift into lighter colors. Something like a morning was around him. He began to hear familiar sounds, voices of his squad.

Family.

A sharp ache forced his eyes open. Sunlight bled throughout the room of the... ship? He wasn't certain where he was. But he knew exactly whose voice cried out his name and whose arms flew around his neck. His arms naturally embraced her back like he had done it his wgole life.

"Omega?" His voice was more hoarse than usual but no less filled with glad surprise.

She filled him in:

Tantis, destroyed.

Hemlock, dead.

Clones, free.

Children, rescued.

And at some point he stopped listening to her words and just became calmed by the sound and rhythm of her voice. When he tuned in again, she was on about somwthing Echo and Tech were working on. Hmmn, I'll let it alone. I'm probably not awake all the way.

Her voice continued, and he felt Hunter's eyes on him. He chanced a smile. Omega went quite, and he felt his heart throb. Home.

Hunter took Crosshair's hand in his, fingers firmly holding his brothers. Crosshair returned the grip, nodding. He felt tears prick his eyes.

He was home.

Sorry, that was longer and more detailed than I was expecting it to be. I was only going to go up to the first half and stop when Crosshair passed out and then my brain went, "Oh! No, that's not the end. Here just keep going!"

So ta-da!

I kinda got inspiration from one of the 9-1-1 episodes where Buck gets lost in a Sanitizer factory and gets lost and hopeless. Anyways, praying that i wont have a meltdown tomorrow! (Who am I kidding? Of course I'm gonna have a meltdown) 😂😭👍

@lightwise and @andymendez2354 for helping me get out of my shell

[m0rang0z]

Undercircus archieve 01

Dividers from (click here) ──★ ˙🍓 ̟ !!

This "story" (more like a list of everything that was going on or happend) is during the end of the pacifist route, before the circus was formed and after the barrier was broken

TW : this story is mainly safe, but if you dislike mention of death Specifically, i wouldn't recommend you to read it!

Plus english isn't my native language! So I'm sorry if there's any grammar errors, feel free to correct me any time!

And ehhh the AU and all that is kinda cringe so uhhh idk

‌Flowey have been secretly following frisk during the time they have spent on the underground

‌ flowey was "born" after the first human has died, and does have asriel's memories, because they're the same person but without a soul, he's aware of experiments and archives that have tried to bring the dead to life

Experiments that, used artificial souls, and that could have been one of the main reasons it rarely worked out

‌But flowey never really tried to do something about this information, even if it could bring his sibling back

‧

‌frisk has finally freed everyone, monsters from all the corners of underground was grabbing their stuff and ready to move on

‌and flowey.. He was there, in the entrance of the ruins, trying to figure out what he's going to do with his life when nobody else will be living here anymore

‌frisk passed by flowey, walking around the underground one last time cuz they knew they wouldn't be back again soon, maybe not even ever

‌noticing how depressed he is, the kid approached trying to communicate with him

‌flowey was reluctant, but decides to spill it out, to tell everything to the child, as he do, he immediately regret it, since it wasn't the type of information that should be shared neither he's the type of monster that likes to vent

‌Feeling bad for Flowey's situation, Frisk decides to give him a offer, what if they try to share their soul with the first human? Just a tiny piece

‌flowey was unsure, even acted sarcastic about it, but accepted either way, guiding the human to where his sibling wasn't exactly burried, but in a coffin made of glass, exposed somewhere in the King's castle like a artefact, much different from how the other humans that have fallen was treated after their cruel destinity

The room was dark with the exception of only one lighting, the atmosphere dark and morbid

‌the corpse of Chara have been hardly decomposed because of the magic and even substances used to keep it just like it once was

‌that was a request from toriel, to keep the memory of one of their kids forever, and that promise have been kept even after the divorce

‌after all, it was toriel's choice, not asgore's, and the king never really moved on, never really stopped loving her

‌Frisk would gently and carefully open the coffin, needing help from flowey himself

After that, frisk would expose their own soul and break a tiny piece out of it, not enough to kill them, but the pain was still horrible, like the child just got stabbed in the chest

‌The kid cried loudly, but we're able to place it on the corpse's chest, making what was left of Chara consume the tiny piece of determination

‌for a moment flowey waited beside the Frisk, hoping this would work, the experiments and archives from the Royal scientists haven't tried a actual human soul filled with determination, so the possible results was filled with uncertainty

‌when the two were about to lose hope and leave, where the corpse was started to decompose, it begin to bleed just like fresh wounds, Chara gasped like someone who have been holding their breath for so long

‌sitting down on their own coffin they look at Frisk and Flowey, confused

‌it took enough to explain to Chara was just happened, the situation at first causing Chara to panick, they didn't even recognized Asriel, or what was once the prince...

But it didn't really mattered did it? They were alive again, and flowey was happy with this, even crying, which it was such a rare sight

‌either way, as the two children were going to leave, to join everyone else out of the underground, Chara had a idea

" hey, if i was able to get back to life with your soul... Why don't we try this on flowey too? It will certainly work."

[verbosenerv0sa]

This wall of text is a breakdown on the mental journey that ultimately is leading me straight out of b1nge-34ting hell by the hand. I feel quite sensitively about this, and I am willing to discuss it with anyone who resonates or has questions, but I won't accept judgement for being sick or for being healthy, or for being caught in between. Nobody's journey is the same, and my simple answer may not be the simple answer for you, but it's worth sharing anyway. I hope this reaches someone.

I'm definitely going to do my best this year, not because I'm motivated, if I'm honest, but because I cannot TAKE one more year of THIS. Of ME the way I have been. I'm not talking about weight, I'm talking about the hell that everyone on here thinks they understand, but honestly don't. This isn't the binging most people with an 3d experience here and there (usually from a genuine need for more food), this is full-blown BED. I finally quit, three weeks ago, and I'm not looking back this time. I've done this before, and I've been serious those times, but I was missing something really important.. I haven't been tracking over the holidays and definitely am not on anywhere near my best behavior... But I don't FEEL like it's the same, because it's NOT. (That bit doesn't matter much, I'm just venting.) My experience with d!sordered eating is complicated and full of conflictions, but I have found it helps to name each part of it with the ED that feels most accurate to a particular angle. This way, I can "lean into" one, or try to "recover" from one independently of the other behaviors. I have tried to recover from BED several times, but the only thing that's ever worked for me with anything is when it seems to magically go my way. I'm just not made for things like hard work and willpower because my life has been so different from the start, and I've always had a way out of tough situations, so I never learned to work through them. I know I need to change this, but I don't know where or how to start on something so fundamental. This is what I mean when I call myself a chronic quitter. If there is an easy way out, I will take it, and if there isn't one, I'll shut down so hard that other people have to make one for me.

So how could I possibly quit BED? I stopped needing to when I was confronted with this under a life advice thread: "I was going to AA and complained about my life but made no effort to change. An old timer told me to go back out and finish what I started. I drank for 3 more years but I knew when I was done." reading this comment reminded me of my own addiction I've tried so hard to quit, and how I've been told things like "you won't be able to quit unless you have something to replace it" or "it's still serving you somehow". I faced the question of "What if I need to be a binge eater for 3 more years before I have any chance of quitting? How sick will I have made myself? How much would I weigh after all that time and all those nights of making myself sick and terrified?" and I realized that even ONE more year, not three, but heck, six more months, would BREAK ME. It was out of the question. I'm still figuring out what that means, but I know I'm done. Not because I'm ready, not because it's no longer "serving me in some way" and not because I have any replacement behavior.. But because I'm officially far more terrified of continuing to live this way than I ever was of not having this form of release. I'm DONE, not because I want to quit, but because I cannot do it anymore. I've run my course with it. It's bled me dry. I cannot continue to suffer like this, and it hit a breaking point at which I'm certain recovery will never be as difficult or painful as what I've already been through with this addiction.

[chaifootsteps]

Hi, so I've decided to call myself Ship Anon because that's all I've really talked about here. I just wanted to vent on here to you, because I don't really want to talk to people I know irl about Hazbin Hotel. I've been around in the fringes of the fandom since the pilot first came out. Like every fandom HH had its issues. There were definitely people who did not know how to act properly, but it feels like it has gotten so much worse lately.

It's become so normal for me to try to look up tags for RadioDust and having to scroll through posts stating how much they hate this ship. How much this ship shouldn't exist. How people who ship it are delusional. How we should just accept reality and get over it. It feels like a competition every day to see how many people each post can get to say "Oh I hate that ship too!". It feels like a competition on who can say the most outlandish thing in order to try and get the attention of the more widely known people in the fandom. In order to get a like or a comment from them. It doesn't feel like the tags of our own ship are safe anymore, because people will deliberately tag that ship in order to hate on it. A ship that used to bring so much comfort to me now brings me pain. They are slowly making me feel dirty for loving it.

The worst part is I'm not the only one who feels like this. There are so many people posting about how it feels like the fandom is eating itself away. One was just made today that had a lot of traction, and so many people tried to voice how much they cared and felt for the OP. But it felt so fake. It felt completely and utterly fake. Because I know some of these people turned around and started talking bad about a ship they don't like not to long after. When the Shay document first was posted some of these same people were commenting how it was clearly fake. People talking about how the document was made by the "haters" in order to defame Viv. They refuse to acknowledge how badly things have gotten.

People can try to defend Viv all they want and say she can't control what her fans do, but she can control what she likes and endorses. She's shown that sometimes if you say something out there enough she might comment of like your post. She needs to understand that the fandom will emulate what she does. As the fandom gets bigger the more of these voices come out. The more I feel smaller and smaller. The more I start to question if I wanna keep looking in as they tear apart something I cared about. Thankfully there are so many amazing artists and people who care about this ship. I try to stay positive and seek out the content they make. I try and protect still small little bubble I have left. I just hope when the next season comes out it doesn't get completely shattered.

You're most certainly not dirty and I'm so sorry this is happening. It shouldn't be like this at all, but as sad as it is to say it, Viv seems to thrive in it.

Just know that these people aren't worth your time and stress. Sometimes carving out little fandom nooks and curling up safe in them is the best thing to do. Find like-minded friends, create what you like, and have fun, because that's what fandom should be.

[freedomatwhatcosttfp]

Chapter 2: The Pain of the Present

"Thank you, it is nice to meet you too. You can call me…Pax".

"..mus"

"..ptimus?"

"OPTIMUS PRIME!"

The sudden noise jolted him out of his thoughts as he was forced down to see his stealth commander glaring at him with her arms crossed. " Primus, it's like you're not even here anymore, were you even listening to me?". He forced himself back into focus as he tried to recall the conversation he had just been having before he got lost in his memories. " I apologize, Arcee. I did not intend to lose focus ". She huffed while rolling her optics. " Primus, what has gotten into you lately? What could possibly be distracting you so much that you can't listen to simple battle plans?- ". ' I don't know, maybe the fact that we're in a war that I'm forced to fight in, leading a team of bots who only care about fighting and saving their own af-' He thought. " Honestly, you are our leader! You are supposed to listen to your team and take responsibility but I may as well be trying to teach coding schematics to a youngling!".

Ratchet had been listening while keeping an eye on the computers. Bulkhead and Bumblebee had been out on a mission to scout a possible energon mine when the argument started. He silently agreed that Optimus had been distracted lately but very much disagreed with how Arcee was approaching it. He understood her stress, but she was starting to take it a bit too far, even by his standards. Ratchet took a glance to his side, he could see the children watching from the railing. He could tell that Jack and Raf seemed a little distressed while Miko was silently placing bets on who would lose it first.

" We have been fighting YOUR war for millennia and all you have to show for it- " she was cut off, "MY war?". She paused before she looked him straight in the optics " Yes, YOUR war. There are only a few of us left now because of a tiff between YOU and YOUR friend-" "I…am not doing this right now! Arcee stand down you are dismissed from your duties for today and I suggest that you take a drive ".

They stared at each other, the silence was as deafening as the tension in the air was suffocating. By now Ratchet had fully turned around and was watching the two intently, surprised at the words of Arcee and even more surprised at the response from his leader. The children stood up straight and tense, not knowing what to do and Ratchet so desperately wished the other two guardians were here to take them home. He would do so himself to shelter the kids but to also step away himself from the conflict, but he would not feel any better not knowing if those two would be okay by themselves, as well as the two other members who were still on their mission and in need of a possible ground bridge soon.

The two fighting bots continued to stare at each other before Optimus relented. He simply turned around without a word…but that wasn't enough for Arcee. " Oh… so that's how it is. One of your teammates speaks out and they are dismissed. Primus forbid anyone speak up against the great Optimus Prime! You are just as responsible for this war as much as he is!"

" Arcee…maybe you should stop?… " Jack finally spoke up. The kids were getting too uncomfortable at this point and some of the things she was saying were getting out of hand. That distraction was enough to drag Arcee out of her rant remembering that the kids were still there. She vented softly and turned around to apologize to Optimus before realizing that he had already left. She stared at the spot that her leader had momentarily been standing in before turning and walking over to the kids.

" So…what was that about? " " Miko! " Jack scolded before quickly turning back to Arcee. " Sorry, is… everything okay? ". Arcee looked at him, offering a comforting smile before replying " Yeah… I'm sorry you kids had to see that, I shouldn't have lashed out at him like that… ". Raf thought for a moment before speaking up " Is… Is Optimus okay? He seems a little different lately… " She thought for a moment before reassuring them, " Yeah, I'm sure a little space will do him some good ". Rachet, who was now powering up the ground bridge for the other two guardians, turned to them. " He has been distracted lately, I will check on him once he has had time to cool down. Now, since it is getting late, as soon as your guardians get here it is time to go home. It is still a school night after all ". The trio were still worried but felt slightly better and agreed.

Once the kids packed up and the team had a chance to refuel, they set off toward their respective homes, leaving Ratchet by himself in the middle of the silo. He deeply venting, closing his optics and slightly shaking his head.

" Optimus… what is happening with you?… "

[lunathegalacticwolf]

Vent Post [TRIGGER WARNINGS]

I know I haven't posted in a while. That's because I started school back in August and I genuinely need to take a break right now. Ever since school started, my stress levels have been pretty high.

Last year, I kept getting C's and D's and my parents would keep telling me to try harder when I'm doing the best I can. I really just need to get back to focusing on myself for a while. I hope you understand that this break isn't permanent, but I just can't take it anymore. I feel like I'm going to lash out at this rate.

Because of my parents' behavior towards my grades, it feels like I can't tell them how I truly feel. I want someone to be here for me, telling me everything is okay, telling me that none of this is my fault, because I feel like it is. I know my parents want what's best for me, but it feels like I'm alone. What have I ever done to deserve this?

I'm currently getting stomachaches, nausea, headaches, insomnia, and I used to get panic attacks and it's all due to so much stress. I literally feel like I'm about to vomit as I'm posting this. I used to have suicidal thoughts back in 7th grade. I'm in 10th grade now and the thoughts are starting to come back, but it's all due to stress. I just can't take this anymore. I hate my life sm. I've been thinking of kms, but I continue on because I don't want to cause anyone else pain.

This isn't permanent, I will come back and I will occasionally still post, but I have to take it easy for a while and take care of myself and my mental health.

[luckyduckydyke]

Vent about disability, ableism, and grief ahead, proceed with caution.

I do understand why my mother doesn't want or like to think of me as disabled. A lot of my symptoms and problems came about recently, or, at least I masked and sucked it up and tried not to complain until it got so bad that that just wasn't feasible anymore. And she wants my life to be healthy, easy, and above all else, happy. Unfortunately, those first two aren't always feasible for me. Sometimes even the third one feels out of reach. But as soon as I express that, express any kind of frustration, she meets me with pushback. She says I have to push through, or I need to have a positive attitude, or wouldn't some fresh air and a Tylenol make you feel better? Have you tried getting some sleep? Maybe you're just not taking care of yourself. We had a discussion about it just yesterday evening, and I do think it will get better. I just wish it didn't come at the expense of interpersonal friction between myself and my only living parent. I just wish my dad were here to calm both of us, to be the voice of reason as he and my mom so often took turns doing. I wish he were here to tell me it's going to be okay. I want a hug, but not just any hug. I want one from him. I couldn't sleep last night because I took my first dose of my first ever ADHD stimulant yesterday morning. When it wore off, I crashed, right around 11pm. I didn't start to feel sleepy until about 6am, though, so I just killed time mindlessly through the night. I'm going to keep taking it, but at this point in time, the benefits just don't seem to be worth the cost. And I'm away from home for the night (last night), so I'm missing my fianceé terribly. I don't know, this is a mess, but I think the point I was trying to make is that, sometimes you lose people, or people fail to understand you, or your Most Important Person can't be there 24/7. And that sucks. But the ones who try are worth hanging onto for as long as possible. My mom is going to try to be a better ally, and I trust her on that. My fianceé is there a good 90% of the time, and that is more than enough. My sibling is always trying to help me. My sister loves me enough to put up with me using her as my middle man for getting my fianceé some of that Devil's Lettuce when they hurt too bad to function. My dad is gone, but that's not his fault, and if it happens in my lifetime, I will celebrate the day humanity cures cancer in his honor. I may not be able to make work or be very productive right now, but hopefully that'll change. Either way, I'm getting married soon. My life is just beginning. There's so much left for me, even if I get more than my share of chronic pain in my life, even if I struggle daily with anxiety and executive function and social cues for the rest of my life. I want to live, not just survive. I hope I get to see a world where I, and all other people like me, are allowed that much.

P.S. I am physically disabled AND neurodivergent. This post is not about one or the other, so you won't be derailing by just talking about one, and I don't mind if people derail anyway, as it was all over the place from the very beginning. Talked about my dad more than I meant to. But hopefully, someone will relate.