#i try not to vent on here anymore but I'm in so much pain

[qasian-tech-support]

It really hurts when friends you've had for years hurt you and then when you try to talk to them about it, they decide that you aren't worth it as a friend anymore. When they decide that they don't want to resolve things like adults. When they turn everyone against you like they never mentally left high school.

[daz4i]

when ww said "this is not my life, I'm no survivor, i only happened to survive"

[jifloulette]

It reminded me of you.

relationships with blue lock boys as kpop songs . . .

pairing -> itoshi rin, bachira meguru, yoichi isagi x gn!reader (seperate !)

warnings -> some angst on some parts, swearing here and there, might be ooc ? not proofread !!

word count -> rin and yoichi's is 0.7k, bachira's is 0.9k

author's note -> please click the links on the song names !! it'll help you understand why i chose that specific song ^^

. . . itoshi rin !

♫ now playing . . run2u by stayc - - - next in queue . . save me save you by wjsn

You knew the risks of dating someone cold and stoic like RIN ITOSHI, hell you were even surprised that he liked you back. You knew damn well that you were going to get hurt in the process, but you didn't care. All you wanted to do was to be with him. It doesn't matter if he's happy (you might not see it on the outside but being his s/o made you know how he is if he's happy), disheartened or upset. Your friends warned, fuck, even your classmates who you didn't even know or liked told you so. They just didn't know him like you did. Yes, you've gotten hurt before but he would ALWAYS apologize. You've learned to become patient for him during his breakdowns, he would say things like "I fuckin' hate my lukewarm brother." and "I need to become fucking better, how else am I.. gonna beat him..". You were confused whenever his breakdowns happened, it wasn't a weekly thing for him to do that, it only happened whenever you noticed him become tense and pressured. You didn't know why he hated his brother, I mean the Itoshi Sae? But you've never asked him about it, knowing he'd get agitated.

You were the first ever person he fell for, the first person he genuinely liked being around. RIN ITOSHI was scared for the first time again, scared that one day you might leave him too. Scared that he might scare you away because god, he knows how he acts whenever he's feeling distressed. He couldn't understand it, why have you stayed this long with him? Why did you treat him so differently? Weren't you just using him for his money and his fame? He knew the answers to all of his questions when one day, he just couldn't take it anymore. He'd accidentally lashed out his anger on you, the one person who he actually cared for. RIN ITOSHI had accidentally hit you, it didn't hurt much, yet it still alarmed you. He realized what he did just in time before he held you in his arms, apologizing over and over again as he cried onto your shirt. "Baby.. it's okay, really.." you said to him while caressing his hair. "N-no.. it's not! I'd accidentally hurt you, the one person I genuinely cared for..! H-how is that okay?!" RIN ITOSHI replied, you carefully asked him if he wanted to talk about why he felt like this to which he hesitantly said yes to. "I wanna know what happened, Rinnie.. don't try to hide it. I'll always be by your side", just by saying those words, RIN ITOSHI poured his heart out on his vent to you, saying that he felt distressed because he heard some of your classmates saying that his brother will always be better than him. He told you the reason why he hated his brother, he recalled the night where his brother said some things that was too painful to say out loud. After he was done, you held him in your arms once more, RIN ITOSHI couldn't take it anymore. He cried once again, asking you why you had stayed with him this long, why were you here listening to his vents, were you just getting dirt to gossip about him? You asked him saying, "Rinnie.. you wanna know why I've been here with you for so long?", he looked up at you with his beautiful teal eyes and simply nodded, "The only reason why I'm here with you is because I love you. Not for your fame, not for your success, and certainly not for your money but for you..", RIN ITOSHI was surprised, you really weren't using him? He had doubted you for a bit but oh, your tone while you said that to him made him believe that what you were saying is true. That's all that he needed to hear before hugging you tightly again, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. "Thank you so so fucking much, y/n.. you don't know how much I love you..", the black-haired boy in front of you said.

RIN ITOSHI now believes that true love exists, and true love is wherever you are. He didn't care if you saw him at his most vulnerable state, he knew you wouldn't gossip that to your other friends. RIN ITOSHI now knows the answers to all of his questions, he knows that you will stay with him until the end of times.

. . . bachira meguru !

♪ now playing . . love is lonely by NMIXX

BACHIRA MEGURU was convinced that you were his special someone. You were convinced that he was your special someone too. For all of BACHIRA MEGURU's life, he'd been lonely. Only sharing his love and appreciation to his mother who held deeply in his heart. The second you went up to him, asking if he was okay, he felt skeptical. He wasn't stupid, so he'd ask you if someone ordered you to come to him just to record him at his weakest. You were taken aback yet you knew what the others said about him and his "monster", you really could care less about what they said about him. "Huh? No.. I came here because I saw feeling down after classes ended." you replied, you took your hand out and asked him if he wanted to come with you to go to a place that was special to you. He was reluctant at first but eventually gave in. He'd noticed you in class before, you weren't like the others. You genuinely had a pure heart.

You ran in front of him while holding his hand still. BACHIRA MEGURU swore he felt a big, genuine smile starting to grow on his face. Were you the person the monster inside him was looking for? You introduced him to a small bench, not that far from the school. You told him how you discovered this place as you were randomly walking home and decided that it was gonna be your special place. You had brought fairy lights to hang on the trees that were around the bench. The two of you sat on it and it was as if fate that you guys fit perfectly on it. You went on rambling about how you'd always wanted to be his friend but you were to shy to ask him, and how he'd been the first ever person you had brought along to go here. He didn't even notice how there was light pink tint starting to grow on his face. Ever since then, you and BACHIRA MEGURU had been together as if the two of you were cursed for all eternity to be together, he wouldn't mind if that was the case.

It wasn't long before he had started to fall for you, just the way you would talk to him, take care of him, comfort him, and treat him as if he were an actual person were just a few reasons on why he'd fallen for you. If he could, he would rant on for hours and hours on why he likes you so much. Before he knew it, it had already been 6 months since the two of you had met. You'd asked him to go your guys' special place to which he had ecstatically said yes to. He obviously wanted to at least look good for you, even though you said that whatever he would wear, he'd still look good. The second he arrived at the bench, he saw that you weren't there which was strange.. He thought maybe you were just playing games with him. "Y/n! You can come out now~!" BACHIRA MEGURU shouted playfully, yet you still didn't come out. He noticed an envelope on the bench with a heart sticker on it, he knew that he would want you to open it knowing that only you and him knew about this secret hangout spot and thought you had left it for him to find. He noticed a handwritten "To: BACHIRA MEGURU, my best friend in the whole entire world" on it, and when he opened the envelope, a long piece of paper was in it. He slowly unfolded it and read the contents of the letter. "Dear Megu, I'm sorry I couldn't come to you face to face to tell you what I've been feeling recently. The thing is, the second you held my hand that late afternoon, I fell for you. Call it stupid but god, I immediately fell for you. The fact you didn't hesitate to come with me just made me blush thinking about it. I've always knew I liked you before we were even friends, but I just thought of it as infatuation. You really did prove me wrong because you were the person I've been meaning to find ever since I watched romance movies and discovered what love is. The fact you listen to my endless talks about whatever really made me fall for you even more! In the span of the 6 months of our friendship, you became someone that I loved being around with. I want to end our friendship though.. and maybe start having a new relationship, a romantic one. Soo.. what do you say? Will you accept?", the letter said and god did he fall for you even more. The fact that you loved him the same way he loved you, oh who was he kidding, he's head over heels for you. As he was coming to the end of the letter, a pair of hands slowly hugged him from behind. He knew it was you, he recognized your touch all too well. The second you hugged him, he turned around and picked you up. "Oh y/n! You don't know how long I've been waiting for this day!" You were surprised, you really didn't expect that unpredictable action of his. Your smile became as big as the entire world to say the least, your eyes having some sort of sparkle in it. "So, do you accept..?" you asked gleefully, to which BACHIRA MEGURU replied by kissing you.

BACHIRA MEGURU had finally found the true meaning of love, it was the embodiment of you. The hardships of his life he had left behind due to you. He went inside the school campus with a smile on his face knowing you would be there waiting for him. BACHIRA MEGURU had finally fallen, he had let himself fall for you.

. . . isagi yoichi !

𝄞 now playing . . cool with you by New Jeans

If there was one word to describe how ISAGI YOICHI felt whenever he was with you, it would be comfort. Just being beside you, it would bring him to ease knowing that you were right there with him. You guys could be scrolling on your phones, showing each other different videos that reminded you guys of each other and he would already fall deeper in love with you. You understood him better than anyone else could, you knew what to do and what to say whenever he felt sorrowful. Whether it be losing a really really important soccer match or if he felt insecure and unconfident. Maybe that's why he liked you so fucking much. Your presence just soothes his soul, he didn't know how to explain it, it just did.

ISAGI YOICHI didn't always need for you to tell him how much you loved him, he could always feel it, as if the two of you were somehow telepathically connected. Just simply holding his hand, caressing his hair, and telling him how good he was at playing soccer was all he needed to know. People could see how deep the connection the two of you had, even before you guys were together. Whatever emotion he was feeling, it was almost as if you felt it the same way he did, maybe that's why the two of you had such a strong bond with each other. The two of you could go days and days doing the same thing over and over again but it wouldn't bore him, not when the person who he cherishes most was with him. Sometimes, ISAGI YOICHI finds himself zoning out during classes just thinking about you! He just can't help it, he's totally the type to chat you "I miss you" the second you part ways after walking home from school. He really cherishes every moment he has with you, even if he's not physically next to you, just seeing you makes him relaxed. That's definitely his motivation whenever you watch his games as well, just seeing you cheer your heart out for him, he can't help but drive himself to win, just for you.

Even if he knows how much he means to you, he sometimes can't help but doubt himself, he finds himself wondering if the effort he's putting into the relationship is the same as the effort you put in. "Baby.. do you think that sometimes.. I'm somehow lacking something in our relationship..?" the deep blue-eyed boy in front of you asks, "Huh? Love, of course not! You've given so much into our relationship, what else could I ask for?" you reply, your hand cupping his cheek. "'m sorry baby, I just felt down.." ISAGI YOICHI says, "Oh baby.. don't you ever think that you're dragging our relationship down, okay? I know you love me the same way I love you." you remind him, kissing his forehead. You see him blush and the tip of his ears turn red and you pinch his cheek as you tease him for being so so cute! "H-hey..! Why'd you just randomly pinch me!" the dark blue haired boy says, "Well, you're just so so so cute and I can't believe you're mine~!" you playfully respond. His face becomes even redder now that you said that. You chuckle at the sight of him and you pepper his face with kisses, on his lips, his neck, his jawline, his forehead, you bet that you didn't leave any part of his face untouched. It was moments like these in where he thought that the two of you were the only ones in the world, he has an album of memories in his brain stored with each and every memory the two of you had ever made. God was he crazy about you.

ISAGI YOICHI believed, no, he knew that you were his soulmate and that you knew that he was yours. He would find comfort whenever you were with him, and though he isn't the most verbally talkative lover, you knew how much he adores you. (Please let him daydream about how ethereal you would look at your guys' wedding, he would very much appreciate it, even if you find it funny)

©🇯​​🇮​​🇫​​🇱​​🇴​​🇺​​🇱​​🇪​​🇹​​🇹​​🇪​, do not steal, translate, or repost any of my writings anywhere else.

[i-arch-my-backula]

TWD characters when you tell them about your assault

This is heavily inspired by the post @slasherhaven that they made awhile ago. I've been hyperfixated on TWD lately and I'm still in the middle of watching it, I'm early in season 9 so sorry if these are kind of OOC. Also I am now writing for Maggie and Glenn.

Rick Grimes, Daryl Dixon, Glenn Rhee, and Maggie Rhee

Warnings: Mentions of past sexual assault no explicit details mentioned, murder, canon typical violence, talk of getting killed by walkers, slight season three spoilers

Rick Grimes

When you tell him about what happened to you his heart breaks and he's immediately filled with rage. He doesn't want to leave you alone after you're so open and vulnerable with him about this but he genuinely has to step away to calm himself down about this.

Once he's calmed himself down he'll be quickly back to help comfort you about what happened. Holding you close and letting you vent as much as you need to. Now that he's here he's going to protect you as much as he can and no one is going to hurt you again.

When you give him information on the person who did it to you he thinks not much of it for the time being but when he runs into the piece of filth that hurt you he's seething. But he'll put on a mask until he can really get close enough to get them back.

He's not going to waste a bullet on this sick son of a bitch. He'll made it slow and painful. He'll beat them bloody and make sure they're eaten by walkers before they die.

Then he'll go back home to you and make sure that you're comforted and know that you're deeply loved and appreciated by him. He'll never tell you that he killed them, but he'll always let you know that they can't hurt you anymore.

Daryl Dixon

He's not exactly sure how to go about helping you when you tell him about your assault. Of course he's upset, he's very outraged, but he's not very in tune with his emotions and obviously he's not going to really know how to handle regulating his emotions and help you.

In a rare moment of vulnerability he'll hold you close to him and let you cry out your feelings. He won't say or do much other than hold you close and promise you that no one is ever going to hurt you again.

You gave him details about your assault but he never actually expected to come across that person, especially given the fact that it's the apocalypse. But when he sees the person that hurt you his immediate reaction is to try and kill them.

But he settles on beating them close to death and berating them the entire time about how much of an awful person they are and just how much they deserve what's happening to them. After beating them close to death he'll leave them there and hope that a walker eats them alive.

Just like with Rick he'll get back home and go to give you a hug, which is rare with Daryl. He'll hover close to you for the rest of the day and will be sure to try and show you just how much he cares about you in his own way. He'll also never tell you what he did, he'll just tell you there's no way in hell they can hurt someone ever again.

Glenn Rhee

He's 100% pulling you into a hug when you tell him about what happened to you. He'll be silent the entire time unless you want him to comfort you verbally which he will do if that's what you need to happen.

He'll spend the rest of the day taking care of you and trying to keep your load relatively light. He'll be close to you for the rest of the day and try to make sure that you're not beating yourself up for what happened to you.

When he finds out he knows the person who assaulted you he's livid. He takes them out to a secluded area and threatens them after beating them for a bit. He swears if they ever come near you again he'll kill them.

He personally watches or makes sure that they're long gone before the comes back home to you where he assures you they'll never hurt you ever again. He won't give details but he'll keep assuring you that they'll never hurt you again.

Maggie Rhee

When you explain your assault to her she's heartbroken, immediately pulling you into a hug and holding you there for as long as you need to be held.

If she feels like it could help you she'll talk about her own experience with what happened with The Governor. She'll appreciate how vulnerable you're being with her and she'll feel like she can be vulnerable with someone again.

If she ever comes across the person who hurt you she's going to be overcome with rage and will have to calm herself down to get him back to Hilltop and keep him there while she talks to you about what you want to do about them.

If you want them dead she's happy to help you with killing them, however you want to kill them she'll help, unless you want to do it yourself. She wants to get you justice and if killing them is justice to you then go ahead.

If you don't want them dead she understands that but she'll eventually to it herself. She can't stand the idea of the person who hurt you so horribly being able to go unpunished for what they did to you. Either way after what happens she's going to comfort you again.

[aliceintheworld]

PURE ATTRACTION | JJK | TATTOO ARTIST

Pairing: TattooArtistJungkook X NaiveReader

Summary: "I shoudn't be watching a man undressing, specially not from the house next door."

Warning: Very cute Jungkook 🥰, tipsy behaviour, homosexual relationship, deep conversations, the Reader starts to lose their shyness 🥹, kisses, fluff, and a lot of fluff 😻

A/N: Hi, I'm back. This week has been very hard, and I thought coming here would be a way to distance myself from reality 😭 In the last chapter, we saw that Jungkook had a romantic relationship with Namjoon. I received some comments saying they won't read my story anymore and that I ruined it, because of that. I am a very insecure person. This is the first time I'm posting something I've written, and honestly, I don’t know what to think. The boys are very important to me, and I don’t want to offend any of them (or anyone else). If necessary, I will remove everything I’ve written and just move on. Please leave your opinion in the comments. Other than that, thank you very much for the positive messages. I’m very happy to know that a good part of those who are here with me are enjoying it. Thank you so much.

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Chapter 6

My week passed slowly and calmer than I imagined. I worked and studied as always, and fortunately, I passed my semester exams. My mind was always in another dimension, but I held back and did my best not to let Jungkook affect me. Or the thoughts of him, which were insistent and continuous. I didn’t see him anymore, at his mother’s house or anywhere I went. As soon as I got to my room that morning, I received a message from an unknown number, which I knew was him, asking if I was okay and if I was safe. I replied yes and then I didn’t send any more messages, even when he asked what I would do on Wednesday and if I wanted to meet him somewhere.

Unlike last week, feeling embarrassed, I didn’t visit Mrs. Jeon as much as I would have liked, afraid to see Jungkook and be confronted. At times, I wanted to tell her what happened, to vent to someone and express how confused I am, even though she is his mother, but I held back and didn’t say anything, knowing that the torment in my head doesn’t go away because I want him back, with me, and I know that venting in this case doesn’t help at all.

I have always been submissive to my mother and thought of her before anything else. Before myself, it comes her. It has always been this way, as if it were engraved in my brain or I were programmed that way. Jungkook may not understand, but that’s the truth. That’s why I can’t relax around him. I find myself in conflict with what I desire and what I know she would want. I have never disobeyed Eunji, let alone considered that idea. I know she wouldn’t approve of Jungkook, for a million reasons, so I am aware that if I were honest with her and admitted my feelings, there would be a conflict between us that I know I am not prepared to start.

My mother has been stricter with me as the days have passed, and I know it’s because the date of my father’s death is approaching. I try to please her in every way I can, as a way of compensation. I went to church more times than normal, worked at the bazaar, and even cooked so she wouldn’t have to. I don’t like hiding anything from her and I feel guilty in a way for lying that day. Our mother-daughter relationship has been like this my whole life, somewhat cold and strange; since I was a child, I took on her pains and tried to put her needs ahead of mine.

Today was very busy. I helped a classmate with her college exams, since unfortunately, she didn’t do well in the final tests, and I worked twice as hard because those who don’t study, always get desperate in the university library, trying to learn what they didn’t study the entire semester. I had to organize the same books thousands of times and barely had time to eat or go to the bathroom.

I got home dead tired but fulfilled. The college assignments are ready and the tests are done. At least the worries I felt about college are no longer a problem; one less thing to stress about. I grab a romance book to read, and flip through the pages with pleasure, curious to see if the main character will finally confess her feelings. I’m halfway through the chapter, engrossed in continuing, when my phone vibrates. I look at the screen without much attention, accepting the call without knowing who it is.

“Y/N?” I hear a hoarse voice on the other end of the line, and my body instantly tingles. I take the phone from my ear and sit up in bed, flustered. It’s Jungkook

I remain silent, not knowing what to say.

“Y/N? Are you there?” he asks. I consider the possibility of saying nothing, and just letting him think I answered the phone by accident, but I can’t. I want to talk to him; I want to know how he is. I miss him.

“Jungkook, I’m here.” I say; my voice trembling without much strength. I swallow hard, nervous. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine.” He murmurs. There’s another moment of silence; only his heavy breathing filling the sound of the call.

“That’s good.” I force a smile, even though he can’t see me. I shake my head, grabbing a strand of my hair.

“I wanted... I wanted to see you.” He says softly, in a whisper, and my already agitated heart beats even faster. Butterflies fill my stomach, the way I can’t help it.

“Jungkook, I can’t.”

“You can, and I know you want to.” He asserts, with so much confidence, it’s as if he knows all my thoughts. “I want to be with you. We don’t need to do anything. We can just talk, watch something together. I need to be with someone.”

“Did something happen?” I ask, worried. I bite my lower lip, waiting for his answer.

“Yes... a person. One that I’m trying to get rid of, has been trying to get close. I don’t want that.” He replies. I don’t understand anything he says. Is it a friend? Did he have a falling out with someone?

“We can talk on the phone.” I suggest. For some reason, I feel safer when there’s a big space between us. I think the fact that he’s far from me, gives me the false sense that I’m in control of the situation.

“Are you that afraid of me?” He chuckles. I smile in response, shrugging.

“You said you wanted to talk. We’re talking.”

“How difficult you are.” He sighs, teasing me. “Don’t you miss me at all?”

“Jungkook!” I scold him. I’m breathless just from the question.

“It’s serious. I told you that you needed time to think, but I didn’t imagine you wanted to stay away from me, while you decided.”

“It’s just that everything is very complicated.”

“I feel used.” He jokes again, making me grin. “You used my body and now you don’t even want to look at my face.”

“You’re making me embarrassed.” I grunt, laughing awkwardly. My cheeks turns red with the memories of us in his bed. Him sucking me, fingering me, making me come. My God, it feels like that happened years ago, not just a few days.

“Sorry. I know, I shouldn’t say those things. But I really wanted to see you. Can’t you come here?” he asks, his voice dragging. I furrow my brows, suspicious.

“Did you—Jungkook, have you been drinking?”

“Just a little.” He chuckles on the call. Now everything makes sense. He wouldn’t call me if he were sober. If he were completely sane, he would seek out one of his friends to vent. I sigh, throwing myself onto the bed.

“I’m going to hang up, okay?”

“Wait! Don’t hang up! Why are you doing this? Did I do something?”

“Because you’re drunk.” I finally say, a little upset. Would he want to call me if it weren’t for the alcohol? The doubt makes me uncomfortable.

“I’m not drunk Y/N, I swear. I just drank a little. I’m 100% aware of the things I’m telling you.” Jungkook argues desperately, as if he’s afraid I’ll hang up at any moment. I sigh again, closing my eyes.

“Where are you?” I ask, and almost immediately, regret it. Whether he’s drunk or not, it’s not my problem. Jungkook is an adult and knows very well what he’s doing. He’s not your father, a voice in my head says.

“I’m at my apartment. You know the address. I just didn’t pick you up because I drank; otherwise, I’d already be at your door.”

“Please, don’t do that!” I widen my eyes, just imagining the scene. My father died in a car accident because he was drunk and didn’t know what he was doing. Besides being dangerous, my mother isn’t stupid, and if she realizes I have any involvement with him because he came to pick me up, I’m screwed.

“Then come over. I even bought Mexican food.” He says softly, almost pleading. I roll my eyes and grunt, irritated with myself and with him. Why can’t I resist him? For fuck sake!

“Okay, I’ll try. But we’re just going to talk, watch something, and then I’ll go back. We’re not going to do anything else besides that!” I assure, more to myself, afraid that the same thing will happen as last Sunday.

“Okay. I swear I’ll try to control myself.” He mocks again. I smirk, covering my mouth. I like the normal Jungkook, but him being drunk... it’s like he’s himself, but lighter and funnier.

“Alright, I’ll see you in thirty minutes.”

“Send me your location on your phone.” He asks. I mumble in agreement, and then he hangs up. I stare at my ceiling for a good few seconds, not believing it. Why am I doing this? Why am I going to his apartment? Where is this going to lead me?

When I was a little girl, I liked to imagine myself with kids, a husband, and a part-time job. I have always been very romantic; I never wanted to be with someone unless it was forever. At the same time, every time I think of Jungkook, none of that matters. He doesn’t want something serious, from what it seemed when he talked to his friends, and yet I can’t get him out of my head. I do things I would never do, and recklessly, I don’t measure the consequences of my actions. I quickly get out of bed and pace back and forth in my room. My mom is home, maybe in the living room. It’s already nine o’clock on a Friday night, and there’s nothing I can say to her that would convince her to let me go out.

At the same time, I told her an hour ago that I wasn’t going to have dinner and that I would sleep after a shower. She hasn’t been to my room since then. Maybe if I sneak out the window and call a taxi, she won’t even notice I left the house. I bite my lip, nervous. I decide to lock my bedroom door just for safety and simultaneously, put some pillows underneath my blanket, forming the silhouette of what was supposed to be my body. I grin nervously, not knowing what to do. I’ve never run away from home, and the only experience I have consists of teen movies and series. I have no idea if this is really going to work.

I change my clothes for a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt when I realize it’s colder outside, and I open my window. I sneak out with little skill along the balcony, and the bars that accompany the wall, until I reach the grass in my backyard. I tiptoe, trying not to make noise with my sneakers. I walk down my street somewhat breathlessly, pondering the idea of turning back and forgetting that Jungkook even called me. At the same time, I want to see him again. Without thinking too much, I call the taxi, which arrives quickly at my address.

The whole journey takes about ten minutes and simultaneously passes in the blink of an eye. My hands get sweaty as I recognize some places and establishments still open. I sigh, looking at my phone. There are no messages from my mother, only one from Jungkook, saying he’s tracking me via GPS. I smile, feeling a bit more secure. A wave of anxiety, heat, and uncertainty washes over me tough, when I arrive in front of the building of the man who, since I met him, has been haunting my head.

I open the car door and take a moment to look at the facade of the place, something I didn’t have much time to do last time. It’s beautiful, full of flowers and a spectacular garden. I walk along the sidewalk, still not knowing what to do, when I finally see him. Jungkook must have gone down to the lobby without me noticing, and he watches me with a smile on his face, so innocent and anxious that, amidst all this chaos, I’m glad I came. He walks up to me with disheveled and wet hair, perhaps from a recent shower he must have taken, wearing a black and white striped pajama; one of those you only wear in the comfort of your home.

I smile, unable to help it, vulnerable, energized and anxious. “I was worried about you, so I came down.” He comments, getting closer to me.

A scent of perfume, soap, and shaving foam envelops me deeply. My stomach churns again. If I thought hearing his voice made me unstable, seeing him in person completely breaks me. I don’t say a word, still mesmerized by his presence.

“You didn’t pay for the taxi, did you? I came down like a madman when I saw you had arrived.” He tells me. I shake my head in denial. He smiles again and walks over to the driver’s window. He takes the money from his wallet and returns to me as if this were routine and I visited him every day. He smiles one more time, taking steps towards me. “I told you I wasn’t drunk. Tipsy? Yes. Drunk, no.”

“Okay. You’re not. Sorry.” I grin awkwardly, looking down.

“You don’t need to apologize. Come with me; it’s too cold here, and I don’t want you to catch a cold.” He concludes, putting one of his arms around my shoulder, in an intimate touch that brings back memories of the night we were together. I follow him without much questioning, until we reach the elevator.

Inside the metal box, the tension rises. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, trying to stay calm. I don’t need to be nervous. We’re going to talk, whatever it is he wants to say, and then I’ll go back home the same way I left, through my bedroom window. I lean my head against the wall, staring at the mirror that surrounds the elevator walls. The energy of his gaze burns me. He looks at me in a way that leaves me breathless. I swallow hard, not having the courage to reciprocate. It’s as if time has stopped and only we two exist. When I decide to say something, the elevator stops.

He guides me to enter his apartment, and a mountain of memories takes over me immediately. I chuckle in disbelief, covering my face with my hand. If my mother finds out I’m here, I don’t like to think about what could happen. I sit quietly on the couch, observing the place. It all seems the same as last time, except for Jungkook’s friends who filled the environment. Now it’s like there’s too much space, just the two of us here. I lick my dry lips, organizing my hair back, behind my shoulders.

“Are your friends okay?” I ask, trying to talk about things that aren’t about him and me. That for a few minutes, we can pretend that night never happened.

“They are.” He smiles at me, shrugging. “They’re planning a party to celebrate my studio when it’s ready. You’re definitely invited.” He says, sitting next to me. He touches the piercing on his eyebrow with his fingertips, and tosses his dark, soft hair back.

“When’s the celebration party going to be?” I ask, placing my hands on my lap, afraid to touch him. He’s so close that I can fully see the moles around his neck. The Adam’s apple moving every time he talks and swallows.

“I don’t know. There’s still so much to do, but I can’t stay in Busan because I left everything in Seoul to come here. At the same time, I can’t neglect my mom. It’s like I need several versions of myself to handle everything. Just one Jungkook isn’t enough, I think.” He chuckles, but gazing into his big eyes, I find no humor at all. I can’t imagine what it must be like for him to have his mother in this situation and live so far from her. He must be exhausted and worn out.

“When do you plan to go back to Seoul?” I ask, afraid of the answer.

“In about a month and a half, maybe.” He shrugs, biting his lower lip.

“Wow!” I say, surprised. I didn’t expect it to be so soon. He returns my gaze, confused. “I mean, it’s not long until you go back.” I smile, feigning an excitement I don’t feel, awkward.

“Yes, that’s true. I wish I could stop time right now. That would be the best superpower of all.” Jungkook laughs, forming a dimple in his cheek that I had never noticed he had. He rolls his eyes at himself, grunting. “Sorry, every time I drink something, I say these stupid things.”

“You don’t need to apologize.” I chuckle, a little more relaxed. He has this power over me, making me tense and calm at the same time.

“You know, I wanted to ask you something.” He comments, putting his feet on the couch.

“You can ask.”

“Promise you won’t get embarrassed?” He asks, grinning. I shake my head, rolling my eyes.

“I can’t promise that because I don’t know what the question is.”

“Oh, come on!? You always make that face when I talk to you.” He chuckles, teasing me. I shake my head, not understanding.

“What face? What are you talking about?”

“That face. You puff your cheeks because you’re blushing and look away all the time.” He clarifies. My cheeks turn red instantly, making him grin again. I cover my face, embarrassed.

“I can’t control that. Just ask your question, please.” I plead, somewhat awkwardly. He stops grinning and clears his throat, leaving me even more curious.

“I just wanted to know why... why didn’t you answer me that day? Why have you been avoiding me? Why didn’t you go to my mom’s house these days?”

“How do you know I didn’t visit your mom?” I retort, feeling a tingling in my hands, nervous.

“I know because I asked her.” He murmurs, and this time, he’s the one who turns red, as if he didn’t expect my question and feels uncomfortable answering. “After that night, I thought I’d see you again, that we could talk, but you never showed up again.”

“You didn’t show up either.” I defend myself, but I know my stupid argument makes no sense. Jungkook rolls his eyes, looking at me in such a deep way that I find myself breathless, for a good few seconds.

“Seriously Y/N. Did I do something? Did I hurt you in some way?”

“Do you think you did something to me? Is that what you’ve been thinking?”

“I understood it that way, and I’m afraid that it might be true. I don’t want to hurt you, not at all. You’ve helped my mom and have been so good to me. I don’t want to make you feel bad.” He assures again, without stopping. I close my eyes, angry with myself. Is that what I led him to believe when I didn’t respond to his message? When I was cold, did I upset him?

“Jungkook, you didn’t hurt me. Not at all, not in any way. You need to know that.” I affirm in the best way I can, breathless. “I’m like this. That’s why I don’t have friends; that’s why I don’t have people I can count on, because I push everyone away. This is a problem with me, not with you.”

“And why do you do that?” He questions, relaxing his body on the couch. He looks me in the eyes, and even though I try to look away, I can’t. He stare at me in such an intense way that it’s as if he can see my soul. I play with my fingers, not knowing what to do, disconcerted.

“I don’t want to get hurt. Because human relationships are difficult and unstable. Because when you let someone get close, you give them the power to hurt you, and I don’t want that to happen.”

“I know. I understand, and I don’t judge you.” He shakes his head. “So many things have happened in the last few months. I wanted to talk to someone during these days, and incredibly, the only person that came to my mind was you.”

I widen my eyes in surprise. I turn my attention to his face, but he’s distant, staring at something beyond the ceiling of his apartment. It’s as if he’s far away in thoughts and not in this moment, with me. I bite the inside of my cheek, touched. Him thinking of me, even if it’s just to vent, moves me. I like Jungkook. I truly like him, since the first time I saw him. Not just his body or his appearance, but the way he talks to me, as if I were someone worth listening to.

“You, Y/N, did something to me. Since that night, I can’t think of anything else, and I don’t know why.” He confesses, finally returning his face to me. My breathing becomes erratic, my heart races, and my hands get sweaty. “I also, that night, was confused. Just like you.”

“How so?” I ask, speechless.

“I don’t want you to be upset. I want to be honest with you.” He says. He puts one of his big, soft hands close to my face and tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. I feel that wherever his touch passes, my skin burns. “Before coming to Busan, I had a serious relationship. Very serious.”

“You were with someone?” I ask, afraid to find out he still has something with that person.

“Yes.” He says softly. His breath close enough of me to feel it. “It was so serious that I swore he would be the person I would marry. I had never dated anyone besides him. I had never fallen in love, not that way.” He speaks, confessing to me, and my throat tightens. Does Jungkook like men? He had a relationship with someone of the same sex? For some reason, I never imagined the inked guy could be attracted to the male gender. Still, what really bothers me is when I hear him say he loved him. Does he still love him? Does he still think about him, when he’s alone?

“And then it ended, and everything I believed was shattered.” He shakes his head, and then chuckles without any humor. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I really don't. It’s just that when I’m with you, I feel light. I love my friends, I truly do, but when I’m with you, I feel comfortable, as if you wouldn’t judge me.”

“I wouldn’t judge you for anything, Jungkook.” I say softly and somehow, he can hear me. He smiles too, a little embarrassed.

“You know, after I ended my relationship and then that happened with my mom, I thought I was in a nightmare. All the people I could count on would simply disappear, and I couldn’t do anything, as if my hands were tied.”

“I know what you mean.” I comment, remembering my father. Not his last moments, drunk and a stranger. Those moments, from before, when he was the man I was proud to call my father. The man I knew I could count on, because he was always by my side.

“Tell me a little about you, Y/N. I feel like I’m just talking about myself. I really want to know you more. Listen to you.” He suggests. I raise my eyebrow, surprised.

“I don’t have anything to say.” I chuckle awkwardly.

“Of course you do. Everyone has something to say.” He argues, shaking his head. “Tell me about your life. Have you always lived in Busan?”

“Yes, I’m from Busan.” I reply, smiling slightly. “When I was younger, I went to the beach every weekend because I lived closer to the coast.”

“Really? I’ve never been to the beach.” He says, shrugging. I open my mouth, astonished.

“It’s so strange to hear that. I always went when I was a kid. For some reason, after I moved, I never did again.” I sigh, nostalgic. The things I used to enjoy a few years ago simply lost meaning, when my father died and my mother became the woman she is now.

“Why don’t you go back to the beach once in a while? It’s not that far from here.”

“I don’t know why; I just don’t go. I forgot that I missed it until I started talking to you.” I smile genuinely this time. He returns the smile, nibbling on his rosy lips that I like so much.

“Maybe we could go to the beach together. I to get to know it, and you to reconnect.” He suggests with a light and sincere smile, and my stomach, a little calmer, fills with butterflies again.

“Maybe.” I agree, not knowing if that would actually be possible. Who knows, in the future, or at some other moment. I don’t want to dismiss that possibility when it seems so sweet and inviting. I sigh, looking at the screen of my phone. It’s almost eleven o’clock. I know I have to go home. Jungkook seems to realize my doubt and makes a pout with his lips, almost like a spoiled child who didn’t get what he wanted. "I think I must go."

“We should eat first. I ordered tacos and burritos, and if everything gets cold, the food loses fifty percent of its flavor.” He says, already getting up, not giving me much opportunity to contest. I get up too, rolling my eyes.

“That’s another one of your theories? Like that one of having four meals a day?” I ask, finding it funny. I follow him into his kitchen, watching him take the Mexican food out of some containers. It looks so appetizing and seasoned that my mouth waters.

“My mom was really cruel when I was younger.” Jungkook laughs. He frowns, with that same expression he always makes when he sees something delicious, then looks at me, bringing a taco closer to my mouth. “The first bite has to be yours.”

“You can eat it. You seem hungrier than I am.” I reply, teasing. He pretends to look angry and shakes his head, as if I just said the most nonsensical thing in the world.

“I’m a gentleman. I insist.” He brings the taco closer to my mouth again, and with no alternative, I bite the food he offers me with such insistence. The spicy flavor brings such a rich explosion to my tongue that I can’t help but like it. I must have done something funny tough, because Jungkook smile, in a delightful chuckle that I had never heard coming from him.

“The corner of your mouth is dirty.” He explains in a whisper, pointing to my lower lip. I try to clean it by myself, but I seem to be unsuccessful, as he himself wipes the sauce off my skin with his thumb. I take a few seconds to realize how close he is to me, naturally intoxicating me. I can smell his perfume. His energy that brings electricity to my body. How much my skin longs for him. I want to kiss him again. To feel his lips, just like I did in this same kitchen that morning.

Jungkook seems to understand exactly what I’m thinking because he smiles that loose and careless smirk, as if he knows what I want and is waiting for me to make the first move.

“If you want to kiss me, I give you all my permission. I’m serious.” He jokes, but doesn’t laugh. His dark, big doe-eyes go toward my mouth and I see desire; feelings I had never seen directed at me. I swallow hard, nervous.

“I can’t, Jungkook. My mom, she...” I whisper, trying to organize my thoughts. He smiles, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear.

“Forget about your mom, Y/N. Do you want this?” He questions softly. I nod my head. He knows I want to, I want it so badly that it’s as if I’m going to die. “If that’s what you want, do it! Screw what your mom thinks. Just do it.”

“I promised myself I wouldn’t do anything when I came here.” I tell him, chuckling nervously.

“It seems you can’t stay away from me. After that night, I don’t want to stay away from you either.” He denies, closing his eyes. “This week was hell... I don’t want to feel alone. Do you feel the same as I do?”

“I do.” I agree, and without thinking much, I kiss him.

His warm lips touch mine, and if I could save this moment in my head and make copies, I would. Unlike the first night I was here, Jungkook is calmer, less desperate. It’s as if he has time to be with me and wants to enjoy every second. I feel his hands on my waist, pulling me towards him until I’m completely fused to his body. I grunt when his tongue requests entry inside my mouth, and I can’t stop him, nor do I want to. I pull at his hair, feeling its softness, in a pleasant caress at the nape of his neck. He smiles during the kiss, moaning. He slowly separates from me, holds my cheeks with both hands, and seals our lips once again, in short pecks that spread across my entire face. I chuckle when one of them touches my jawline, tickling me.

“Stop, please!” I burst out laughing when he continues, kissing my forehead, nose, and finally, my lips again.

“I'm only stopping because I need to breathe.” He laughs with me, finally ceasing.

“Ok, clingy boy, I really need to go now.” I mock disheartened, trying to disentangle myself from him. He stops me, kissing me again.

“Please, don’t go.”

“I have to go. Seriously.”

“It’s too early.” He argues, caressing my face with his thumb.

“What happened to you, Jungkook? Why are you being so dramatic?” I question, curious. He’s different. A good different, but I can’t understand him. Does he want something serious with me? He doesn’t love the person he was in a serious relationship with, anymore? There are so many questions in my head that I feel lost.

“I'm not being dramatic. I like you, Y/N.” He assures me as if it were the most obvious thing, with those dark, big eyes, so pure... I simply can’t explain why, I just believe him.

“You do?” I ask, smiling. No one ever said that to me. A good feeling fills me; my cheeks turn red as he nods his head.

“I like. I thought you knew.” He says simply. And then peck me again. “Come on, before you go, you’re going to eat with me.”

“Okay, but I need to be quick. It’s getting really late.” I say, worried about my mom; the fact that she might find out I left the house.

“I’ll accompany you in the taxi. I’m not letting you go alone. Then I can come back here.”

“Really?” I ask. He chuckles, pulling my hand until I sit in the chair. “Then okay. Let's eat. And Jungkook?"

"What?"

"I like you too." I say, seeing his small and cute smile

Ask for a TAGLIST in the comments.

@ttipa @ane102 @joonwater

[charles-simmons-fanfiction]

Why can I only kiss your ghost? - Neil Perry / Todd Anderson

Description: Unfortunately for Todd, a ghost will never be as warm as he needs it to. [hurt/no comfort, 700 words]

Wrote this for comfort, ironically. It's a kind of vent if I think too much about it.

---

His eyes have been closed for hours, Todd is starting to accept he's not getting any sleep, again.

The room is silent and dark, as it is every night. There is no one sleeping in the bed next to him. No heavy breathing and light snoring, but an empty bed whose sheets and pillows were already taken away a while again.

In a way, that's a good thing. Anderson would've left that place forever if they had assigned him a new roommate. A substitute for someone who could never keep him company again. Nolan didn't have the audacity to do that, yet.

He sighs in annoyance and sits up, with his face on his hands, feeling under his fingers the greasy hair he didn't have energy to wash and that was already way too long for him.

"You need to sleep"

The familiar voice didn't alarm him.

"Shut up," he looked up to see Neil standing at the door, with his hand in his pockets. "You don't know how this is like."

There was silence again. Neil looked at him with empty eyes. Todd felt too angry to cry.

"How dare you even come back now?" His tone was harsh, yet not loud. "How dare you haunt me when I'm already hurting this much? What do you want from me?"

Neil had no answer for him. Todd clenched his fist, and got up.

"Are you hearing me, Neil? Are you even there?" There was no reaction from the friend in front of him. He didn't feel like a friend to Todd anymore, but had he ever? "Take a good look at me, Neil Perry. Look what you've done to me!"

Silence. Again, the goddamn silence.

"Oh, I wish I had never met you. The happiness you brought me was not as half as big as the pain I feel," the words came out as a firm whisper, hurting Todd's throat as they left his mouth.

Neil's eyes only stayed on him for a few instants, and he turned his head to the empty bed. "Then I suppose I should go."

Todd grabbed him by the collar of his shirt before he could even try, and pushed him hard against the wall.

Neil whimpered in pain. His eyes watered, struggling as he tried to get away, and the guilty hit Todd like a punch in the gut, but he didn't let go.

"So that's it? You're leaving me again at the first chance you get?" He hit Neil against the wall again, his nails now dug into his neck. It wouldn't bleed, not ever again.

"I thought I was hurting you being here," the ghost choked out. The moonlight entered the room through the window, and looking deep into his eyes, Todd could swear he had never looked so dead.

"You are all I have left," the anger in his voice grew into desperation. "Don't abandon me again! I'm not that strong, Neil"

Before Neil could speak, Todd pushed his lips against his in an unreciprocated kiss. His eyes were completely full of tears by the time he pulled away.

The bullet hole could be seen in the side of Neil's head, an unnecessary reminder he is only a corpse.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me, I shouldn't have said that. Neil, I need you like I need air to breathe," Todd begged, his head falling to his friend's chest. "I don't care if you're real or not, just stay. If you ever loved me like I love you, stay. Please."

He sobbed his heart out, gripping onto a dead body as if his life depended on it. There was no warmth, no comfort. Todd had never craved a hug this much, yet he knew he would never get one ever again, not from who he needed.

By the time he opened his eyes, he was griping onto himself. The ghost was gone. His head ached like hell, and he could barely breathe. Todd screamed until he passed out in Neil's bed, not too long after.

That night, he had no dreams.

He was already dreaming while awake anyway.

---

I'm not really proud of my writing here, but I feel better now that I wrote it, so it's worth it. Anyway, take care y'all.

[wanderneverlost]

Please forgive me... but I am in dread (and maybe denial?) and in no form am I emotionally ready for tomorrow.

Here's a short, spurr of the moment, heart destroying fic.

Crosshair's head faded in and out of black. Ringing sound shrill in his ears. What was going on? He tried to sit up, finding that he was already on the floor. His hand began to shake violently, chest tight, breathing shallow. Why am i shaking so much? Panic rose in his chest as he figured out why.

One word.

Tantis.

They came back. This time, he wasn't a prisoner. But something was still wrong. He breathed in and closed his eyes like Omega had taught him, it helped a little. He looked around to get a grip on what was happening.

Pert of the ceiling had come down, he and...

And then he remembered, he and Hunter were trying to help create a diversion so Omega could let out some creature. Thats when it happened: the beast had gone on a wild rampage and was wrecking havoc in the mountain.

Hunter? Wait. Where-?

He saw movement in the corner of his eye, a slight shift in the debris. Oh, no. Hunters lower half was under the rubble, his torso seeming to be fine. Crosshair rushed beside his brother, immediately relieved to see him still breathing. Unconscious, but breathing. He'd lost his helmet somewhere during the chaos.

"Hunter. Hunter, can you hear me?" Crosshair looked up at the damaged ceiling as the mountain groaned from the destruction. We need to get out of here.

He tried to look for a possible place to gain enough leverage to pull his brother out. When he tried to lift, the rubble shifted and Hunter groaned from the pain. Kriff.

"I hope you weren't planning on leaving." Hemlock's voice was on the intercom, "it's as I've said before," up in a vent, the familiar green gas seeped into the room, "you don't leave, unless I say."

He frantically looked from Hunter to the gas and the debris.

Minutes felt like lifetimes.

He strained and tried to lift the ceiling off of Hunter, screaming in an effort to be as strong as Wrecker, only to be left with little to no change.

No! It can't end like this.

Hunter began coughing from the toxins, and without hesitation Crosshair removed his helmet and pulled it over Hunter's head.

"Hunter," his voice faultered, "I- I'm sorry..." he began to cough, "Please, Maker, I'm-" he tried to choke back his sobs. The eerily familiar numbness was getting to his head, tingling sensation in his hands, he was kneeling next to Hunter. He went to reach for his brother's hand, feeling the world fall away, fingers just barely in Hunter's palm.

"I'm sorry..."

The next few moments were strange. Hearing his name called out in echos. His hand being firmly held. Lights in and out view. A face closely resembling Mayday. Hearing and feeling his heartbeat drum slowly. Each bteath taking ages to get.

And then.

All black.

He felt like a cadet again. Harsh nights when the regs were at their worst. Hunter would spot out a quiet, unnoticeable and dark space for him. He would tell him where it was most times, but on the worst of the worst... Crosshair would just have Hunter lead him to it. They'd hide together, and just let the emotions go. Hunter's arms bracing Crosshair as tears drenched the shoulder of his blacks.

He felt like he was there now. But the room was gone. Just empty space. This would be a good place to leave from.

Hunter was still there. He stayed for what seemed like forever. Too soon, he was gone too. Leaving Crosshair in a dark void.

He noticed, finally. He wasn't shaking anymore. He looked down at his adult hands... they weren't trembling. He placed them on his lap and bowed his head.

So, that's it, then?

And he waited there.

Waited for punishment.

For a guide.

Resolution.

Just waiting.

Strangely enough, the dark void began to shift into lighter colors. Something like a morning was around him. He began to hear familiar sounds, voices of his squad.

Family.

A sharp ache forced his eyes open. Sunlight bled throughout the room of the... ship? He wasn't certain where he was. But he knew exactly whose voice cried out his name and whose arms flew around his neck. His arms naturally embraced her back like he had done it his wgole life.

"Omega?" His voice was more hoarse than usual but no less filled with glad surprise.

She filled him in:

Tantis, destroyed.

Hemlock, dead.

Clones, free.

Children, rescued.

And at some point he stopped listening to her words and just became calmed by the sound and rhythm of her voice. When he tuned in again, she was on about somwthing Echo and Tech were working on. Hmmn, I'll let it alone. I'm probably not awake all the way.

Her voice continued, and he felt Hunter's eyes on him. He chanced a smile. Omega went quite, and he felt his heart throb. Home.

Hunter took Crosshair's hand in his, fingers firmly holding his brothers. Crosshair returned the grip, nodding. He felt tears prick his eyes.

He was home.

Sorry, that was longer and more detailed than I was expecting it to be. I was only going to go up to the first half and stop when Crosshair passed out and then my brain went, "Oh! No, that's not the end. Here just keep going!"

So ta-da!

I kinda got inspiration from one of the 9-1-1 episodes where Buck gets lost in a Sanitizer factory and gets lost and hopeless. Anyways, praying that i wont have a meltdown tomorrow! (Who am I kidding? Of course I'm gonna have a meltdown) 😂😭👍

@lightwise and @andymendez2354 for helping me get out of my shell

[mommyghostface28]

Hey I need a little bit of advice. My bdsm partner is so possessive to the point it makes me feel controlled and like I did something wrong if I have friends I talk to outside of the time I spend with her. I get she's trying to control me but idk how to make it stop. My only knowledge of how to make it stop is to just disappear off of the social media sites she could contact me on and disappear from her life so she can't manipulate me. She wants me all to herself in an abusive way and it scares me....

I feel like it's my fault for the way she treats me...she probably misunderstood what I meant by telling her I find it lowkey sexy when a partner loves you so much they get a little possessive during sex....i certainly only meant in the way a domme says "youre all mine baby" during sex for dirtytalk or marking with hickeys etc and stated that clearly but she just isn't that way, she's the abusive manipulative type and I've attracted her and I wish I could leave this dom/sub dynamic....not her forcing me to isolate myself from the world and shaming me for talking to my friends....she gets sad and annoyed when I do and I just wanna keep crying thinking about this to type it....

She lovebombs me all the time after she hurts or upsets me...and she makes me go rougher during sex than I have told her Im able to handle. To the point it hurts but she continues and tells me im not done till she says so...and not in a sexy way but in a sexual assault (I've already called a safeword but she carries on)

I'm so sorry for venting here but as someoen who knows about domme/sub dymamics, please help....Idk what to do anymore...ibfeel trapped by them. And all she ever does is force me to show mer my naked body on camera despite me feeling uncomfy. And I was in pain today physically and felt sick, but she wasn't taking no for an answer when doing sexual stuff ... we've been together a month and I hate to think what my future will be like if I feel trapped already...

I am too scared to come forward by dms, and I realise we need to talk it through properly for advice, but I'd there any chance you can just reply publicly but inna way that keeps me anonymous? It's just I know she has my tumblr and I don't want her seeing my dms or getting suspicious of me as that'll make her angry and guilt trip me for reaching out.

All I need I guess is a public but anon reply for advice....thank you mommy...I've been one of your anons for a while but now that she has my tumblr, my dms aren't a safe space for me to ask for your support...

I feel so vulnerable rn mentally and keep feeling the need to slip into my littlespace but I don't feel at all safe around her... 😭

Love..oh my gosh :( this doesn’t sound healthy at all..this is coming from a Domme who’s possessive but definitely not like that. They sound toxic, the emotional abuse here is very apparent and I hate that they’re using bdsm as a way to execute it. A D/s dynamic does not give anyone the right to control someone like that. Isolating you from your friends, not taking no for an answer, all of it is concerning. My advice is to end things, as soon as possible. I don’t see any improvement here, they’re not a good person to engage with. I don’t feel there’s a conversation you could have with her that would change things. I’m sorry you’re going through this..they’re definitely not a good Dom(me).

If you can break things off safely, please do so. Then block them. Make it as clear as you can you want no contact whatsoever. I’m wishing you the best darling..keep my posted ❤️ be safe

[chaifootsteps]

Hi, so I've decided to call myself Ship Anon because that's all I've really talked about here. I just wanted to vent on here to you, because I don't really want to talk to people I know irl about Hazbin Hotel. I've been around in the fringes of the fandom since the pilot first came out. Like every fandom HH had its issues. There were definitely people who did not know how to act properly, but it feels like it has gotten so much worse lately.

It's become so normal for me to try to look up tags for RadioDust and having to scroll through posts stating how much they hate this ship. How much this ship shouldn't exist. How people who ship it are delusional. How we should just accept reality and get over it. It feels like a competition every day to see how many people each post can get to say "Oh I hate that ship too!". It feels like a competition on who can say the most outlandish thing in order to try and get the attention of the more widely known people in the fandom. In order to get a like or a comment from them. It doesn't feel like the tags of our own ship are safe anymore, because people will deliberately tag that ship in order to hate on it. A ship that used to bring so much comfort to me now brings me pain. They are slowly making me feel dirty for loving it.

The worst part is I'm not the only one who feels like this. There are so many people posting about how it feels like the fandom is eating itself away. One was just made today that had a lot of traction, and so many people tried to voice how much they cared and felt for the OP. But it felt so fake. It felt completely and utterly fake. Because I know some of these people turned around and started talking bad about a ship they don't like not to long after. When the Shay document first was posted some of these same people were commenting how it was clearly fake. People talking about how the document was made by the "haters" in order to defame Viv. They refuse to acknowledge how badly things have gotten.

People can try to defend Viv all they want and say she can't control what her fans do, but she can control what she likes and endorses. She's shown that sometimes if you say something out there enough she might comment of like your post. She needs to understand that the fandom will emulate what she does. As the fandom gets bigger the more of these voices come out. The more I feel smaller and smaller. The more I start to question if I wanna keep looking in as they tear apart something I cared about. Thankfully there are so many amazing artists and people who care about this ship. I try to stay positive and seek out the content they make. I try and protect still small little bubble I have left. I just hope when the next season comes out it doesn't get completely shattered.

You're most certainly not dirty and I'm so sorry this is happening. It shouldn't be like this at all, but as sad as it is to say it, Viv seems to thrive in it.

Just know that these people aren't worth your time and stress. Sometimes carving out little fandom nooks and curling up safe in them is the best thing to do. Find like-minded friends, create what you like, and have fun, because that's what fandom should be.

[freedomatwhatcosttfp]

Chapter 2: The Pain of the Present

"Thank you, it is nice to meet you too. You can call me…Pax".

"..mus"

"..ptimus?"

"OPTIMUS PRIME!"

The sudden noise jolted him out of his thoughts as he was forced down to see his stealth commander glaring at him with her arms crossed. " Primus, it's like you're not even here anymore, were you even listening to me?". He forced himself back into focus as he tried to recall the conversation he had just been having before he got lost in his memories. " I apologize, Arcee. I did not intend to lose focus ". She huffed while rolling her optics. " Primus, what has gotten into you lately? What could possibly be distracting you so much that you can't listen to simple battle plans?- ". ' I don't know, maybe the fact that we're in a war that I'm forced to fight in, leading a team of bots who only care about fighting and saving their own af-' He thought. " Honestly, you are our leader! You are supposed to listen to your team and take responsibility but I may as well be trying to teach coding schematics to a youngling!".

Ratchet had been listening while keeping an eye on the computers. Bulkhead and Bumblebee had been out on a mission to scout a possible energon mine when the argument started. He silently agreed that Optimus had been distracted lately but very much disagreed with how Arcee was approaching it. He understood her stress, but she was starting to take it a bit too far, even by his standards. Ratchet took a glance to his side, he could see the children watching from the railing. He could tell that Jack and Raf seemed a little distressed while Miko was silently placing bets on who would lose it first.

" We have been fighting YOUR war for millennia and all you have to show for it- " she was cut off, "MY war?". She paused before she looked him straight in the optics " Yes, YOUR war. There are only a few of us left now because of a tiff between YOU and YOUR friend-" "I…am not doing this right now! Arcee stand down you are dismissed from your duties for today and I suggest that you take a drive ".

They stared at each other, the silence was as deafening as the tension in the air was suffocating. By now Ratchet had fully turned around and was watching the two intently, surprised at the words of Arcee and even more surprised at the response from his leader. The children stood up straight and tense, not knowing what to do and Ratchet so desperately wished the other two guardians were here to take them home. He would do so himself to shelter the kids but to also step away himself from the conflict, but he would not feel any better not knowing if those two would be okay by themselves, as well as the two other members who were still on their mission and in need of a possible ground bridge soon.

The two fighting bots continued to stare at each other before Optimus relented. He simply turned around without a word…but that wasn't enough for Arcee. " Oh… so that's how it is. One of your teammates speaks out and they are dismissed. Primus forbid anyone speak up against the great Optimus Prime! You are just as responsible for this war as much as he is!"

" Arcee…maybe you should stop?… " Jack finally spoke up. The kids were getting too uncomfortable at this point and some of the things she was saying were getting out of hand. That distraction was enough to drag Arcee out of her rant remembering that the kids were still there. She vented softly and turned around to apologize to Optimus before realizing that he had already left. She stared at the spot that her leader had momentarily been standing in before turning and walking over to the kids.

" So…what was that about? " " Miko! " Jack scolded before quickly turning back to Arcee. " Sorry, is… everything okay? ". Arcee looked at him, offering a comforting smile before replying " Yeah… I'm sorry you kids had to see that, I shouldn't have lashed out at him like that… ". Raf thought for a moment before speaking up " Is… Is Optimus okay? He seems a little different lately… " She thought for a moment before reassuring them, " Yeah, I'm sure a little space will do him some good ". Rachet, who was now powering up the ground bridge for the other two guardians, turned to them. " He has been distracted lately, I will check on him once he has had time to cool down. Now, since it is getting late, as soon as your guardians get here it is time to go home. It is still a school night after all ". The trio were still worried but felt slightly better and agreed.

Once the kids packed up and the team had a chance to refuel, they set off toward their respective homes, leaving Ratchet by himself in the middle of the silo. He deeply venting, closing his optics and slightly shaking his head.

" Optimus… what is happening with you?… "

[lunathegalacticwolf]

Vent Post [TRIGGER WARNINGS]

I know I haven't posted in a while. That's because I started school back in August and I genuinely need to take a break right now. Ever since school started, my stress levels have been pretty high.

Last year, I kept getting C's and D's and my parents would keep telling me to try harder when I'm doing the best I can. I really just need to get back to focusing on myself for a while. I hope you understand that this break isn't permanent, but I just can't take it anymore. I feel like I'm going to lash out at this rate.

Because of my parents' behavior towards my grades, it feels like I can't tell them how I truly feel. I want someone to be here for me, telling me everything is okay, telling me that none of this is my fault, because I feel like it is. I know my parents want what's best for me, but it feels like I'm alone. What have I ever done to deserve this?

I'm currently getting stomachaches, nausea, headaches, insomnia, and I used to get panic attacks and it's all due to so much stress. I literally feel like I'm about to vomit as I'm posting this. I used to have suicidal thoughts back in 7th grade. I'm in 10th grade now and the thoughts are starting to come back, but it's all due to stress. I just can't take this anymore. I hate my life sm. I've been thinking of kms, but I continue on because I don't want to cause anyone else pain.

This isn't permanent, I will come back and I will occasionally still post, but I have to take it easy for a while and take care of myself and my mental health.

[luckyduckydyke]

Vent about disability, ableism, and grief ahead, proceed with caution.

I do understand why my mother doesn't want or like to think of me as disabled. A lot of my symptoms and problems came about recently, or, at least I masked and sucked it up and tried not to complain until it got so bad that that just wasn't feasible anymore. And she wants my life to be healthy, easy, and above all else, happy. Unfortunately, those first two aren't always feasible for me. Sometimes even the third one feels out of reach. But as soon as I express that, express any kind of frustration, she meets me with pushback. She says I have to push through, or I need to have a positive attitude, or wouldn't some fresh air and a Tylenol make you feel better? Have you tried getting some sleep? Maybe you're just not taking care of yourself. We had a discussion about it just yesterday evening, and I do think it will get better. I just wish it didn't come at the expense of interpersonal friction between myself and my only living parent. I just wish my dad were here to calm both of us, to be the voice of reason as he and my mom so often took turns doing. I wish he were here to tell me it's going to be okay. I want a hug, but not just any hug. I want one from him. I couldn't sleep last night because I took my first dose of my first ever ADHD stimulant yesterday morning. When it wore off, I crashed, right around 11pm. I didn't start to feel sleepy until about 6am, though, so I just killed time mindlessly through the night. I'm going to keep taking it, but at this point in time, the benefits just don't seem to be worth the cost. And I'm away from home for the night (last night), so I'm missing my fianceé terribly. I don't know, this is a mess, but I think the point I was trying to make is that, sometimes you lose people, or people fail to understand you, or your Most Important Person can't be there 24/7. And that sucks. But the ones who try are worth hanging onto for as long as possible. My mom is going to try to be a better ally, and I trust her on that. My fianceé is there a good 90% of the time, and that is more than enough. My sibling is always trying to help me. My sister loves me enough to put up with me using her as my middle man for getting my fianceé some of that Devil's Lettuce when they hurt too bad to function. My dad is gone, but that's not his fault, and if it happens in my lifetime, I will celebrate the day humanity cures cancer in his honor. I may not be able to make work or be very productive right now, but hopefully that'll change. Either way, I'm getting married soon. My life is just beginning. There's so much left for me, even if I get more than my share of chronic pain in my life, even if I struggle daily with anxiety and executive function and social cues for the rest of my life. I want to live, not just survive. I hope I get to see a world where I, and all other people like me, are allowed that much.

P.S. I am physically disabled AND neurodivergent. This post is not about one or the other, so you won't be derailing by just talking about one, and I don't mind if people derail anyway, as it was all over the place from the very beginning. Talked about my dad more than I meant to. But hopefully, someone will relate.

[wanderingmind867]

All my Stressors regarding School:

After my visit to see my High School again today (which was stressful, but at least it gave me a hint as to what i'm doing), I'm now beginning to think more about returning to School on Thursday. But while I think about all of that, I think it'd be nice to make a giant note venting about all my stressors, so that I can try and get this all off my chest. So without further delay, here's some of the many things stressing me out about returning to school soon:

• The School looked different: Or at least I thought it looked different. The areas of the school me and my dad went to looked nothing like what I remembered, and that lead me to have a virtual meltdown outside the school. I know it was something like a meltdown because I yelled and hit my dad again. So that was very stressful. I'm trying to calm down from all of this now, but it's a very slow process (it's been at least an hour, and my mind still hasn't stopped reeling). I don't know if the school building actually was different, anyways. But I thought it looked different, and that did enough damage to my mental state.

• I've had Stomach Issues all summer: These confuse me and make me scared to go back to school. Since June, I've had bad stomach issues. Lately they've manifested as constipation, which leads to stomach pain whenever I inevitably have a blow out and clear my bowels. And with all of these stomach issues affecting me, I'm scared to go back to school. If my stomach acts up while I'm there, I don't know what I'll do. That's the really stressful thing. And that's one of the biggest reasons i've been getting in my own head about returning to school.

• I'm worried I won't have as much time to do stuff now: For example, take my tumblr account. I post on there fairly regularly, and I engage with it a lot. With me being stuck in school for full days now (discussed more down below), I worry I won't have as much time to post or do stuff online. And for some reason, that makes me feel bad. But it's impossible to tell anyone about this issue, because I never even told my dad I post on my tumblr account. So i'm suffering in silence on this one. And just to note, it's not just tumblr that i'm worried about here. I'm also worried I won't get to do more stuff, generally. But I'm choosing to focus on tumblr, because it feels like the biggest aspect of this fear.

• My phone's notes app doesn't work without internet anymore: This one. Oh, boy. This one has been messing me up since June, and it ended up giving me a second meltdown a little over 20-30 minutes ago (as of me writing this). My phone is old (I got it in 2019), and I've had the same notes app on it since that time. It's called notepad free, and I downloaded it from the google play store. It used to work perfectly at school. From 2019 to last may or june, it worked perfectly.

But then last may or june, it suddenly stopped working without internet. When I tried to use it at school (or literally anywhere that wasn't my home), the stupid thing would crash and stop working for me. So that's been making me nervous to go back to school. My dad downloaded the same app on a new phone he bought me, but it looks different there than it does on my old one (the one I wrote this on). And noticing that difference gave me my second meltdown of the day. Now I'm writing all of this from my bed, as I try to listen to music and destress while writing this.

• I have to be at School all day: This one also really stresses me out. And this one also needs more context to be provided for it to make sense. So let me explain: last year, I only went to school for half days. I got picked up by a van halfway through the day. I got used to that, and it provided a nice routine. With my stomach being so bad, I was really looking forward to having this as an option again.

But then the principal of the school talked to my dad. He said the school had budget cuts. And since I'm not in the ASD program anymore (since I technically already graduated), I've been cut off from having this service provided to me. So now I have to go to school for full days (from like 8 am to 2 pm), and I have to just get used to that. Even though I have my f***ing stomach issues. It's unfair. And this really, really stresses me out. I hate it.

• School wouldn't let us visit a week early, like we usually do: Yeah, this one made things way too stressful on me. If I'd gotten to see the school last week, maybe some of these issues could have been dealt with by now. But that option wasn't provided to me. Nope, instead I got stuck only getting to visit today (one day before school begins!). I understand the school was undergoing some construction, but not getting to visit the school until now made me feel really stressed. Finally, I want to stress how much I'm scared to have stomach issues at school: I don't want to have to go bathroom at school. That would be stressful, and it would probably make me uncomfortable enough to dash any and all hopes of going this semester. And I'm not talking about accidentally having some pee drip out into my underwear (if you'll forgive that mental image). That would be uncomfortable, but tolerable. It's needing to go bathroom in a more serious capacity that really scares me.

With all of these issues, sometimes you almost have to wonder if going to school would be worth it. Especially since the initial stress of going back might intensify my stomach pain. But I'm probably going to go back, anyways. The plan is to at least go Thursday, and see how things go. If it ends up going badly, then we go from there.

[spectralarchers]

Bit of a vent 😅

Some heavy ish topics like self deprecation, despair, but the major one deserving a TW is mention of self harm ideation.

Being 31 and being alone and without a partner is really fucking with me.

I've been trying to settle it since I turned 30, be okay with the fact that I'm going to find a partner somehow, but I'm just.

Ready to give the fuck up.

I'm too (not) autistic, I'm too weird, I'm too broken and I'm too shattered that anyone could ever look at me and think "I could love her".

I genuinely don't believe there's someone out there who could think that.

Who could? Honestly.

Who could love me, with all my flaws, my pain, my issues and my brain that doesn't. fucking. work.

It's the same with my friends. I don't understand friendships, I struggle to maintain them, whenever I try to fit in somewhere I always feel like an outsider and I never know when people go from acquaintances to friends and it kills me.

If I don't spend time with people, they drift away. It's what happened with my "friends" from my first workplace. I'm not seeing any of them anymore. It's what happened with my friends from university. It's what's happening with my fucking biker friends.

I'm navigating a world I don't understand and I can't find the manual and it's fucking killing me.

I'm just the token freak.

I have a job, I have a car... I don't have a home. Not in the community sense. Not in the "I have someone to come home to" sense.

And usually, I don't care about being lonely and alone, because it's safe, it's familiar and it doesn't matter if I'm always going a million miles an hour but there's special moments where I'm just sat here knowing how much of a fucking failure I am.

I haven't had the urge to self harm in over two years and yet tonight I want nothing more than to cut myself to pieces just so that the pain in my head could be blotted out by the physical pain of physical injuries.

[theslvttysimp]

●MC with PCOS or Hormonal Imbalance●

Scenario: You are a MC with female anatomy who suffers from PCOS or a hormone imbalance. You have abnormal periods, painful cramps, and grow some facial hair. Here is how the brothers would respond!

TW: Facial hair on femine face, hormone imbalances, weight gain, food restriction

LuciferXmc, AsmoXmc, BeelXmc

As someone with hypothyroidism, I feel us hormonal imbalanced people need to be represented! We are beautiful,strong, and worthy of love! If you ever want to vent about the struggles of PCOS, hypo or hyperthyroidism, or any hormonal imbalance you may be struggling with I am all ears! Xoxo

ASMO

Went to go touch your face out of endearment, trying to give you a quick little kiss. You suddenly pulled your face away from his hands, you get embarrassed from people touching your face in fear they could feel some stubble.

He automatically looks so sad, how could you pull away from him? " Sweetiiiiieeee.... why did you pull away from me? Did I do something wrong baby?"

You admit that you don't like anyone touching your face because you're embarrassed about your facial stubble. You then explain you have PCOS and the struggles that come with it. He holds both of your hands and places them in his lap and rests his forehead on yours.

" My sweet darling.... You are absolutely beautiful in my eyes. I wouldn't want you any other way. I'm here to support you whenever you need."

He places both his hands on each of your ears, brings your head to his lips to gift you a soft kiss on your head. He wipes a little tear off you cheek and smiles gently at you."May I touch your beautiful face, my love?"

With your permission you allow him to touch your face. He doesn't go overboard , just places a soft hand on your cheek and smiles at you so lovingly. He looks deeply in to your eyes and gives you such a sincere, soft smile. " You are so beautiful, thank you for letting me touch yout face."

He takes his hands off your cheeks and looks at you for a minuet. " Don't tell anyone, but I actually have an insecurity as well."

Your eyes widen. What? Someone as beautiful as this demon, has an insecurity?

He pulls his sleeves up to show his arms. "Sometimes I think my arms look like noodles. Just so....thin! I try to lift weights with Beel from time to time, but I'm always so afraid to chip my nail polish!" He says with a slightly chuckle. " I guess I'll always have noodles for arms."

You smile at him. It was unlike him to share an insecurity and you really appreciate him being so honest with you to make you feel better. You both hug each other for a while, just enjoying each other's vulnerability.

If you're okay with it, he'll help you wax your lip and chin, following by using the best creams he has to take care of your beautiful skin. When you have painful cramps, hell hold you in his lap with a warm compress on your pelvis. He'll set reminders o his phone to make sure you take your hormonal medication so you don't ever forget.

Makes it a point to call you beautiful all the time ( like he didn't already). He doesn't do this out of pity, but because he genuinely believes you are so gorgeous. He doesnt want you to EVER think you are anything other than beautiful.

Beel

You were chowing down on some nachos with Beel when he noticed you were eating less than usual. Why are you counting chips? Why are you taking the most dry, naked chips out of the plate of nachos?

"Mc, why aren't you eating much? I know you didn't eat lunch today. Are you not feeling well?" He looks at you concerned. He places the back of his palm to your forehead, checking to see if you have a fever in fear you're not feeling well.

You mention that it's easy for you to gain weight due to your hormone imbalance. You gained a few pounds during the week and you don't want to gain anymore. You confide in him that you have always been insecure about your weight so you really try to watch what you eat sometimes. Just talking about this is making your eyes well up. You never really spoke about this to anyone and it's making you emotional l.

This demon is looking like a sad puppy. How could MC be insecure? They're stunning! Beel abruptly stands up, picks you up like nothing, holds you bridal style and looks you dead in the eyes after wiping away a teat off your face.

" I don't like..... I don't like that you feel like you have to restrict yourself just to feel pretty. You.... you are pretty..... the prettiest thing I've ever seen..."

He is hesitant at first, but while holding you bridal style he kisses you. It's the softest, most passionate kiss you've ever experienced.

He sits back in his chair and places you on his lap. You're both facing forward and he rests his head on your shoulder, rubbing your tummy softly. " I love your tummy, MC. I think it's so yummy! You know.... if I wasn't a demon, I would have a HUGE tummy!"

You giggle at his little joke knowing that what he said was true. He smiles after hearing you giggle, relieved he could make you feel at least a little better.

When he notices you staring at the mirror analyzing your body a little too long, hell go as far as to take the mirror away from you. He NEVER wants you to think low of yourself.

He makes sure you never skip a meal ever again. Even if that means he has to go hungry for a little bit, he'll make sure you eat first.

On really bad days when you imbalance is really fucking with you to the point you feel icky, hell sit you on his lap and rub your tummy. He'll give you every ounce of love that demon has in his body just so you feel loved and beautiful.

Lucifer

He was discussing the next vacation day with you and the brothers at the dinner table, deciding where you will all go. The brothers all agreed to go to the beach! Lucifed noticed you were awfully quiet on the subject, having a hint of nervousness in your face.

Once dinner was done, he walked beside you and rest his hand on your shoulder and bent his head down to your ear. " Come to my study in 10 minuets. I want to discuss something with you."

10 minuets later you are in his study sitting in the chair across the desk. He is doing his usual paperwork while speaking to you. " You didn't seem to be to pleased on the fact we're going to the beach next week. Is there a reason why, MC?"

You fiddle with hem of your shirt " I just..... I have a hormone imbalance which makes me a little more.....plump.... than a lot of woman. I don't feel confident in a swimsuit. I..... I also feel more comfortable wearing makeup to hide....." You get nervous and trail off in to silence. You can feel your eyes welling up.

As soon as you said you didn't feel confident he stopped writing and had all his attention on you. His gaze was soft, yet sadden. He felt his heart shatter in to a million pieces seeing your eyes get glassy.

" To hide what, MC?" His voice is gentle, but he wants you to release what you have pent up.

" I... grow a little facial hair which sometimes causes breakouts... so I hide it with makeup. Y-you can't wear makeup at the beach....." You quickly wipe a tear away from your cheek.

"Mc, look at me." He leans over the table and uses one finger to lift your chin up so you can look at him.

" I understand you may not be happy with how you look at times. But I assure you, there is nothing to be insecure about." He let's his word sink in for a moment before taking your hands and guiding you to his side of the table. He has you sit in his lap.

You lays your head on his chest and wraps his arms around you. " In all of the realms I've lived in, out of all the angels, devils, and humans I've seen.... you are by far the most beautiful being I have laid my eyes upon." He's stroking your hair out of your face and wipes away a stray tear. He lifts your head up to his and kisses you lovingly.

" I don't ever want you to hide who you are naturally. I promise with or without makeup, in or out of a bathingsuit I will find you breathtaking."

He goes with you to shop for a bathsuit you feel comfortable in, being so supportive the whole time. When he finally sees your face without makeup, he has the biggest grin on his face. You are beautiful, just like he knew you would be.

He never comments on noticeable facial stubble. It doesn't bother him one bit, and still finds you as irresistible as ever.

Makes it a point to compliment you on days where you finally decided you didn't need to wear makeup. His hear explodes with joy knowing that you are starting to feel as beautiful as he sees you. He is so proud.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

i have a confession

recently i had some trouble and had to delete an email

problem is, i used the google docs there to write my fics. and i thought i downloaded them all, but only one of my major ones did, and i lost everything else

literally all of it

i am anonymous because i lost my tumblr acc but on ao3 i am veetheree, and i had this longer dilemma regarding my potterlock fic (pretty disillusioned with rowling and all.that, unsure whether to continue) but even so i saw that a lot of people subscribed to it and i wanted to at least see where the story leads, i had over 300k words apart from the 40k i published

and i domt hve it anymore :') i didnt check the process because it seemed okay and i had other uni and work stuff to take care of, and now i check it and :') it's gone :')) im not doing well, and i am going to delete the fic i think

i dont have the energy to maintain it and i dont want it to be left in the dust either - i have lost all hope for it, and this is just a punch in the gut. and i was proud of the plot and how i intertwined the 2 worlds too

this is mostly just a rant because i dont really have anybody else who can relate to the pain of fic writing and the challenges that come with it

also, as to why i had to delete the email - it's complicated, hacking situation and such, but it happened over 2 months ago so im not able to retrieve it and neither do i really feel like looking into it, im done with that fic for good 😭

that's all, thank you for being a safe space for me to go to, and i apologise to anyone who was waiting for that fic to be updated :(

Hey Lovely *HUGS*

OH GOODNESS, I'm SO sorry you had a garbage time with your email, and even more so, accidentally deleted fics from your Google Drive without saving all of them. I'm TERRIFIED of losing my own fics from my G-Drive all the time (I do actually write and have about 15 "snippets" of fics on there) and back them up religiously.

That said, I can understand how life can overtake literally everything and just make being online Too Much™ – happens to me all the time 💜🖤. And I know how disheartening it can be to just... not have the motivation anymore to continue on with something, heaven knows I've done that plenty in my 40 years, LOL. And Lovely, we have to remember to do what's best for us in the long run.

When I was a teen, I wrote a fairly popular Sonic fanfic series that I never completed, literally left it on a cliffhanger. This was back before even FFNet, and fics were distributed in the Sonic fandom on our Geocities pages via Webring, LOL. After life took over, it still remains unfinished over 20 years later. I recently found the original word docs of all 9 of the stories (with the 10th one half-finished) and while I cringe at my bad writing from back then, I still love immersing myself in that world. One of these days, maybe I'll finish it, because I do think it was a great concept and intriguing storyline that dealt a lot with humanity and sentience, just obviously written by a teenager, hahaha.

The point of that anecdote? We can still love the things we wrote, and still want to engulf ourselves in that world from time to time and not feel bad about it. And if you decide to come back to it a decade from now, that's okay too. You're only human.

And never EVER hesitate to come here for a friendly eyeball to vent to. I try my best to make y'all feel not so alone. Glad to see you are okay, Vee, truly. That's what's most important.

*SNUGGLE BUGGLE HUGGLE* I hope you have a beautiful, prosperous day. And I'm sure your fic-fans understand <3