#i try not to be hard on myself abt it. but. you know. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lyricalambrosia · 1 year ago

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Quick update about where things currently stand regarding my writing:

College has really picked up the last 2 weeks, so i find myself swamped with assignments that leave me very little time to do much else between those and personal responsibilities. When i do have free time, I try to spend it relaxing by playing some of the new games that have come out recently, and other times i try to write where i can.

All this is to say that progress on cyfts is going extremely slowly, and i likely won't be able to participate in millionsummers week like i wanted to :/ i am still making progress on cyfts, but i think thats the only thing i can manage to work on right now because i simply do not have the time to start other projects.

#its honestly disheartened me a little bit #which slows down my writing even more because sometimes i get so frustrated with myself that i just dont want to do it at all #because i have such little time to do anything #i try not to be hard on myself abt it. but. you know.#anyway. im sorry to everyone looking forward to the next chapter but its going to take me a long while to finish it i think #i wish that wasnt the case but i severely underestimated just how much work one of my professors was going to give me #we had to cover 4 chapters in like. three days. and do assignments that took 2 hours to complete for each one #and then a quiz and homework on top of that #and then an exam :) im going 2 kms i think. i mean jk obvi but oh my god i just want time 2 myself is that so much to ask.

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angelmush · 26 days ago

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magenta smoothie 4 breakfast, vibrant vase of tulips 4 my gf, black dragon dog 4 sharing the couch with, and a big stack of notebooks 4 writing

#i love my life <333 #how’s everyone’s morning going?#trying to Take Care in the midst of this nightmare that is the united states #the grief is never ending !!!!!!!!#but i am trying very very very hard not to let despair win #and so i made a smoothie #w lots and lots of mango and pineapple and a couple huge sweet cherries #and i’m tucking myself away to write and knit for the day without expectation #i’m not even dressed yet and it’s almost 9:30 #i got sleep like real sleep for the first time in a week last night too #and so i’m feeling a little better abt resting so much #the ptsd has been pretty rough recently #in that way where i’m replaying my worst memories on a screen in my head and can’t stop it #it demands my attention unless i’m watching tv and knitting and reading all at once LOL #like turning everything off and facing it while lying down trying to sleep is . harrowing #it’s awful #BUT i knocked myself out w sleep meds last night and woke up feeling a lot more capable of regulating after a week of staying up until 4:30 #so #i’d say things are on the up and up #we got a pretty little silver dusting of new snow again last night #and the SUN is out!!!!#big blue sky #no thick gray cloud blanket to speak of #anyway if you read all this for some reason #tell me how your morning has been #in my comments or dms or asks #i’d really love to know :)#love you!!#personal

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pleasedontcareaboutme · 5 months ago

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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry

( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)

(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)

#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him #I always knew he was a parental figure for me #but now I connected the dots #How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life #that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so #and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life #ofc ud become attached #i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him #he occupies most of my thoughts honestly #But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life #i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an #bloom and be free #and that's what ill try to do #but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness #its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired #somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea #how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi #g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if #lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways #sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay #yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le #go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk #how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate #my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t #me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol #so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest #y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t #ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti #ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd

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puppppppppy · 1 year ago

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i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand

#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona #its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around #one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them #making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth #i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since #memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an #association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont #fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell #on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one #dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong #despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them #interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing #i struggle find a balance between those two things #actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of #her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard #or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it??#maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard #although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh #yapping #oc talk #oc

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irrealisms · 5 months ago

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every time I see a “it’s actually totally fine and nbd to have sex you don’t enjoy and are uncomfortable with because your partner wants it and you want them to be happy, as long as you’re giving uncoerced consent!” post I lose a month off my lifespan

#can /some people/ do this and have it be healthy for them? sure #but this is the overwhelming pressure both in a relationship and from society #and ime at least it has fucked me up a lot #to have sex i technically gave uncoerced consent to #where i was uncomfortable and unhappy and doing it to try and make my partner happy #bonus points for ‘it’s just like any other activity! just like you can watch a movie you don’t like for the sake of your partner #you can take a few hours to have sex you don’t like for them’#like come on now.#sex is not in fact psychologically identical to movies for most people #when i was a kid my school often made me watch movies I didn’t like or want to watch #you can say this isn’t ideal but #surely you can see. how this is different. than if they had made me have sex i didn’t want.#whatever WHATEVERRRRRR i know the sentiment is helpful for a lot of ppl #and i probably go too hard in the opposite direction #but im not framing myself as a wise advice giver im just rambling in tumblr tags abt my issues #if i were giving advice. well personally i would try to be more nuanced #than ‘don’t worry about it! it’s fine and normal to have sex you’re uncomfortable with and if you disagree you’re acephobic’#but that’s just me.#therapists dni #oh also I agree that people shouldn’t have to fake ‘normal reactions’ to sex #or to try and have orgasms if that’s unrewarding for them etc #im stone! its complicated! i get it!#but you gotta be careful to give the message ‘it’s complicated’#and not just. encouraging ppl to do things they’re genuinely uncomfortable with to make their partner happy.

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seventh-district · 5 months ago

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again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.

#this post brought to you by: me bingeing Sam & Darlin's entire storyline over the past few days and having a Lot of feelings abt it #asmr #audio roleplay #rp audio stuff #redacted audio #anyways i don't have a conclusion to this post. and i'm not Mad or Upset or anything i'm just thinkin' out loud #and i mean it's not like it doesn't get plenty of praise within its respective audience bc it does. at least for the more popular creators #but i feel it'll still always have the shadow of its cringe reputation looming over it #which makes it hard for some ppl to openly appreciate or share with others that aren't already fans of the medium #like do u know how many comments i've seen along the lines of 'this is great but i'd die if anyone knew i liked this kinda stuff' ?? :(#idk maybe i feel strongly about it bc i'm a self-insert fanfic writer. and i feel like the two have a lot in common. including a bad rep.#like. not every audio will be well-written or produced and neither will every fanfic. but that doesn't mean it's a less legitimate artform #and i'm lucky to have never (yet) received negative comments on my work. but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sigh when people-#-say shit like 'this reads like fanfiction' as a way of calling something bad. or other similar sentiments that make the same implication #and i wouldn't be surprised if audio creators feel the same way when they encounter certain comments or statements #like. those YT videos where ppl will 'try bf asmr for the first time' or whatever and it's just 20 mins of cringing and over-reacting? eugh #tbf i haven't watched many bc why do that to myself. so Maybe there's some that are respectful but still. imagine getting roasted like that #and yes yes i know that by posting stuff online you're inadvertently sighing up to be criticized by Anyone but still. man. i dunno #i'm going on a tangent but my point is. i'm grateful for the creators that still make their art in spite of the public's perception of it #bc some of the most impactful emotional experiences i've ever gained from fiction took place in audio rp and i'm so serious abt that.#anyways. this post almost feels like i'm 'making up a person to be mad at' but i promise it's not that serious i'm just yapping. mostly.#certainly not trying to start any kind of debate or anything either i just have a lot of fixation-induced energy and nowhere to put it #this is Eric's fault (/lh) for cooking Sam up in a lab catered exactly to my taste and making Darlin' waaaaay too painfully relatable #but it's also My fault for bingeing the Inversion /and/ the Quinn arc /and/ the Summit all within a couple days. but i can't help myself #feels like i've run an emotional marathon. triathlon. The Emotional Olympics if u will. i'm feeling Everything #who knew that beating the shit out of ur fictional abuser could feel so goddamn cathartic! it's a nice replacement when u can't do it irl #anyways i'm off on a tangent again. thanks for coming to my TED Talk i'm gonna crawl back in my hole now #actually i'm gonna go relisten to a few audios. as Research for my Sam & Darlin' playlist as well as a post i'll be making about it soon #u Know i've got it bad when i not only make a playlist but start Posting on here about the songs that remind me of them. i'm cooked guys.

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5eraphim · 5 months ago

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#.txt #poll #time to hang up the eminem era #gonna refresh the layout and try to motivate myself to be active/write/post again #also this is easily top 5 favorite films ever #i saw it for the first time in june this year #and ive already rewatched it 5 times (literally rewatched it the night before last)#i made a 'red flag this film radiates comfort 3x3' but i dont know if you lot are ready for those hot takes #I DONT WANT TO HEAR ANY HARED LETO SLANDER HERE #I KNOW WE ALL MEME ON HIM NOW- AND HE WOULDNT BE WHO I WOULDVE CAST FOR HARRY-#BUT HE KILLED THIS ROLE AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL #all the 4 leads were flawless in this movie. on God.#i have abt 30 pages left in the novel and i dont like it quite as much as i liked the film-#but very happy i decided to give the novel another shot after at i decided to shelve it indefinitely back in 2022 #it is very surrealist and written intentionally hard to follow #but it gets a lot better after the first 50 pages or so

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j-esbian · 6 months ago

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i lost the post but i saw someone talking about how some of y’all act like being weird is a choice and like. YEAHHHHHHH.

that’s fine, it might be for you. but i just live like this and don’t know any other way. like yeah i’ve worked customer service, i can do innocuous small talk, but anything beyond that, i don’t understand what i’m missing. and it’s frustrating to see the tonal disconnect especially from people who are like “uwu embrace weirdness!!” where they’re like. dressing quirky and talking about bugs and listening to obscure music and eschewing small talk to ask Deep Questions on the first date and unlearning their tendency to not infodump. and generally have an idea of what Weirdness is supposed to look like. idk man some of us wake up and get out of bed and can’t figure out why the rest of their coworkers chitchat with each other but when they join the conversation it dies.

weirdness is value neutral. let’s stop trying to turn it into a badge because quite frankly, it’s not a choice for everyone. it’s fucking exhausting to never be on the same wavelength as other people and they’re going to react the way they do and label you the way they will without any conscious actions on your end. it’s difficult to talk about this without feeling like you’ll be dismissed as immature, a teenager whining “no one understands me” but the thing is. sometimes you don’t grow out of feeling alone and different, and there’s no good way to talk about it without feeling like people will think you’re just fishing for pity.

#most of it is stuff i can’t help like!!!#coworkers and i don’t share a lot of interests so i’m always like. yes i’ve heard of that show but haven’t seen it. no idk that band sorry #and they’ll like. talk shit abt other people who share my interests without realizing that i also like those things #so i just have to sit there and take it #i feel like i don’t have a lot in common with my friends even. a few shared interests but very different lives #in my experience the conscious choice has been to try to keep up with what’s popular but it’s just. not interesting to me #i got bored and forgot to finish s2 of stranger things and never picked it back up #even alt subcultures have gone kinda mainstream and i never quite slot in #let’s not even touch the gay culture ‘flags’ that are extremely online and unrelatablr #and the most frustrating thing. every time i try to talk about myself and my interests i feel people shutting down #one person i know. open mouth sighs in exasperation when i open my mouth #i don’t know why you’re making it my problem that we’re different #i know there is supposed to be a niche out there for everyone but some of that feels like #those niches are falling prey to marketability. if you’re too far out of the mainstream. too out of touch. it can’t be helped #a lot of messaging online is like. embrace weirdness but only if it’s subversive in a very specific way #too normal to hang out with self-proclaimed proud weirdos. too weird to hang out with normies #like i thought the thing was to disavow performativity. i’m sorry i don’t find the same things interesting #i don’t care about the office and you don’t care about the hundred years’ war. that’s fine. why is that seen as a personal fault of mine #i feel like some of the reaction i get might be bc it comes across as hipster shit. idk #i’m literally just oblivious and looking for any kind of indicator for social interaction #but so often it feels like the onus of finding common ground is on me. i have to listen abt things idk but no one cares what i have to say #i think what makes it more frustrating is this reaction from people who claim to not care. do their own thing #and then get annoyed when i do mine and it’s. different #instead of being like ‘fuck the mainstream! conformity is bullshit! be yourself!’ it’s like #‘fuck the mainstream because it doesn’t appeal to me personally and i’ve made my own club!’#and this is not going to come out right because i’m just at my limit and venting and don’t know how to say things the right way #so people don’t misunderstand me #i just happen to never like the Right Things and know the Right Things and act the Right Way and idk how else to say it other than #can we be more normal about weird people #idk it’s hard to talk abt this without sounding like i’m just complaining but i’m more bewildered and trying to state things as i see them

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yanderespamton78 · 10 months ago

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the current state of the arg

sorry guys the art isnt arting D:

(btw if youre confused on why i drew turnip like that i was referencing the picrew he did ages ago bc idk it looked fun to draw anddd i dont like taking reference off real life images)

#i felt like just a lillll bit of a creep relistening to voice messages over and over to find a good quote but. yk what. it was worth it #i totally didnt take reference from the really cool face i used in that animation because im still really proud of it #idk if emi or TD have a sona but if they do im not aware of it and i didnt feel like asking so i just drew both of them as blank characters #im too stressed to scheme lol #maybe #just maybe #i need to stop drinking tea because the caffiene makes me anxious #...#naaaaahhhh #i dont really know what to do with myself atm because i dont want to work on the animation unless turnon is ok out of pure spite #this morning i was absolutely radiating stress #i have a friend who shows up so we can walk together to school and she could tell smth was off lol #i literally could not hide it at all even if i wanted too #i kept pulling my hat over my face thats the main way you can tell that im stressed #not that it really matters that you know that bc none of you are ever gonna witness that but. fun fact abt me ig #ugh #if turnon dies i am gonna cry so hard <333 #and i wont finish the animation <333333333 #(at this point just trying anything to get turnon back)#im gonna make a word doc #i make word docs when im stressed /hj #quick question turnip : is there a way to get turnon out of the situation he is in or is he just gonna die and theres nothing we can do #about it /gen #because i have a sneaky suspicion that we cant actually do anything about this #i swear to god #LETS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE!!#A DEFRAG MIGHT COME OUT TMR!!#its been 21 days and a defrag takes on average 20-25 days #ough #turnip and addon im gonna find where you live and i will burn your respective houses down

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dimiclaudeblaigan · 1 year ago

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If there is at least one thing I can credit FE for doing better than Tales in localization, it's not trying to actively go out of their way for an entire game to avoid subtext or direct text between two men that is romantic or implied romantic. Funny when it's so present that the attempt doesn't even work; infuriating that it was attempted to begin with.

So as much as I often have issues with some of FE's localizations, at least they have a leg up on loc Tales for that.

#DCB Comments #imagine changing entire sentences and vocal tones just to try to avoid it #if anything I'd say at least in FE the locs just... keep what's there like #they could've toned Soren and Houses Yuri down and they didn't. they just kept their lines or in some cases #especially with Houses Yuri I'd say leaned into them #have to specify bc Houses Yuri got to keep his bi agenda. Vesperia Yuri had the unfortunate issue of #the loc not wanting to keep his gay and trying reeeeally hard to avoid it #including altering entire sentences to avoid any woe is them misunderstandings about men having feelings for each other #meanwhile Houses Yuri is free to call men cute and lo and behold everyone loved that for him #they removed and altered a LOT of Vesperia Yuri's personality traits #(including any ability to express real sadness or fear bc woe is them if he's not a cool edgy man)#but they also really changed his tone toward Flynn PLUS some of what they say to each other #and twisted it to make it sound like Yuri was either angry or wasn't actually emotional abt him #forget the way they brought Grant George in for the DE release and made him sound just completely DEAD with zero personality #like. I can tolerate playing Houses dubbed despite my gripes with it (story based stuff)#it didn't feel like they were trying to alter LBGT+ aspects and they even for some rly leaned into it #basically if you haven't played Vesperia Yuri is... really gay coded. the loc pretended not to notice #in fact he's queer + gay coded bc and doesn't fit male gender norms and the gacha games LOVE that with his hair/outfits #Rays mind you is JP only bc it was shut down very quickly in the west and Vesp Yuri's story in Rays is uh #basically it centers around Flynn he loses his shit to protect Flynn and they do the usual like #don't-admit-it's-gay-outright in fictional media by using the ''Yuri's important person'' shtick #but he activates a special power in the middle of utterly raging to get Flynn back from their enemies #funny thing? that game never made it to that arc. I was told in about five months the western ver would've gotten that #but in some way I'm glad it didn't bc who knows how they would've tried to spin that #It's BAFFLING to me how you can get characters in Tales like JAY but the locs shake in their boots at the idea of queer gays #but given how allergic fictional media is to admitting a male character is gay -gestures to Ike and Vesp Yuri-#I'm not surprised I'm just actually angry that the locs try to censor homosexual relationships as much as possible even when they barely ca #if anyone does know Vesp Yuri and is confused on why I'm calling him gay coded despite what the dub did with Judith feel free to ask #bc I do ship them a little bit myself! but I just recognize that canon wise I really can't see him as anything but gay-demiromantic #but again at least FE locs don't shake in their boots anymore abt same sex pairs including men (side eyes Lucius/Raven)

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1hyunjae · 4 months ago

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#im such a private person irl and for what like what purpose does this serve #all it does is distance me from people and keep me from making deep deep connections i know that very well #its just the act of opening up and being vulnerable especially when people aren’t groveling for me to open up is so unimaginable and #horrible #why do i do this like why i rlly dont want to share anything abt myself i just wanna know everything abt everyone while not sharing #anything abt myself #and then at the same time i am feel deeply disconnected and not understood and not known by anyone in my life except my mom #which im grateful for at least i have her but why cant i be that same way with friends i have literally had for 20+ years #i know i have to open up unprompted like without someone begging me to do so or its just gonna get worse and worse #but at the same time if there is this friend and shes curious idk theres just a million different things running through my head and im #just not ever a 100% honest or genuine with them #i guess in a way i also want to be seen in a certain light and as a certain someone and i do try to preserve an image of sorts even though #thats ridiculous to do with your fucking friends idk i guess im pretentious as shit?#i dont even know anymore #more than anything its like often when i share sth that was hard for me to open up abt i feel like ppl dont treat that with care or at #least havent in the past #and i rlly rlly hated that a lot and just i dont know #i told my mom some of the things my friends have said to me which has upset me and she was it sounds like they dont know you at all #and then she said but can i tell you that this is your own fault #and im like. i know. whag are they supposed to do #idk why am i like this what purpose does this serve omg id love to spend a day as an oversharer irl just to get a glimpse of what its like #i know this sounds odd bcs me online is just pure word vomit but thats probably also overcompensation cause i dont share these things with #my friends aka the ppl who i should actually be talking to #anyways

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depvotee · 1 year ago

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Mmmhh that one time a fandom darling basically showed their whole ass to me bc I wanted to talk about how someone that'd been sexually harassing me and others but tell me not to on the pretense that the person harassing us might hurt themselves just bc they were autistic 🤦🏽‍♂

#dunno men #its the combo wombo for me #also its fine y'all maybe I write abt it later on bc im all grown up now and I feel like I can finally stand up for myself #its just.... its funny in a fucked up way JNsndndjfnfj #like did multiple oopsies while trying to stand for something good #which hun.... you should've had asked first????#funny enough I ended up getting more recenment to this person than the actual weirdo #which is not fait mind u #but still #💕🤷🏽‍♂#thats why i basically stopped posting abt fc5 #two people ruined my enjoyment in a way I didn't felt safe anymore #jason still rocks on my heart and so does that ugly dog jacob #but its hard for me #bc it was something i could retell my issues and feel safe just for some asshole to come and take that away from me #and also a 'well meaning' fool to come and play corner while knowing NOTHING

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astrxealis · 1 year ago

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hi guys please wish me luck for my college entrance exam tomorrow for one of my dream schools xoxo

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#LET'S GOOO MGA PAREH 💙🦅💙🦅💙🦅💙🦅#i'm so chill for some reason even if ik i will never forgive myself if i don't get in. anyway. manifesting!!! i will pass with flying colors #IT'S REAL DAMN STRESSFUL FOR ME bcs i am aiming for honors courses which means i have to be top 15%... i am top 15% (and higher) in my batch #in school anyway but... urgh...#so. yeah. give me all your best wishes thankyousomuchxoxo AHHEHEHWHSHFJAH sobbing (but fr. if you do. i really appreciate it!!)#i believe in myself :] mostly. the time limit scares me and math and abstract reasoning bcs 5 minutes for 30 items but yeah. okay.#i am Smart ..... bro i literally got perfect on my physics exam and got 100 in statistics (i am really proud of these in particular)#my extracurriculars are good !! all my math scores are insane (cue a math nerd) and science (science nerd) english (god. no explanation #needed) honestly every subject is slay and so is my essay-making but ERGH. honors course... top 15%...#i will try to be chill! honestly i am already lol the nerves aren't getting to me somehow. gl to me and all that i know and do not know.#both here and irl :3 also to fellow ph kids (who are most likely younger than me if they aren't older and yk not worrying abt cets anymore #LMFAO) err idk if . okay idk what i was going to say LMFAO anyway i'm busy af and idk if i'm good with teaching others #but if you ever want any tips from me (honestly i don't really have tips. i do what i do and just make it. but there's a lot involved there)#feel free to come to me for anything ^_^ anything at all tbh. doesn't have to be acads idk i like helping others in general. BUT IT DEPENDS.#but yeah just hmu whatever i will have you know i am genuinely a smart & responsible kid and i am proud of that bcs my family is amazing w #smarts but also the Hard Work is there so :3 !! english is my forte science is my forte math is my forte. also socsci and whatever tbh.#i'm probably insane but i genuinely love all those topics and what we learn in school FISHFK so yeah !!! okay i shut up now #will do my best... zzz... and then i will work on myself. to be better than i already am and even better than i could possibly be. ya. fun!#the mga pareh is a joke btw i like imitating filipino kids like that. like yooo mga pareh let's goooooo wahee!!!!!

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ilovecoffeeandchemistry · 5 months ago

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ooooh i woke up in a bad mood and it's so hard not to be a bitch about it

#i don't want to ruin the mood for my family so i'm just laying in my bed and think about everything that pisses me off #and i'm getting more and more mad about it #come to think of it it's kinda funny but also really frustrating #i probably just need to cry because i've been extremely tired and stressed for the past week #but i don't want to make myself sad on purpose so now i'm really angry over literally nothing lol #for example today i saw my colleague and turns out she knows my father #and she was like 'oh your dad really misses you!! he mentions you all the time!!' and i was like '....really?.....'#because i thought he didn't care at all (and the feeling is kinda mutual)#because call me crazy if you want but if i miss someone i just go talk to them.... problem solved........#we barely talk but apparently he's yapping abt me all the time to everyone so everyone thinks that he's oh such a loving and caring dad #which makes me look like a bitch of a daughter #which is like #on one hand i couldn't care less #but on the other #why would you talk about missing me to other people and bever bother to try and talk to me yourself??#though i probably dodged a bullet #talking to him is extremely hard because he's incredibly stuffy? boring? english doesn't have enough words for that #and i don't wanna listen to him talking about himself for 2 hours straight without having a chance to interrupt him 🤩🤩🤩#ooof #idk how to stop being mad i probably need to distract myself somehow #anyway there is probably a ton of mistakes here but i'm too lazy to fix them #idk i wish i could scream so loud that every bad thought in my head would disappear forever #i'm so tiredddddd

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zoekrystall · 2 years ago

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Got to all the dragon tear memories and noooo whyyyy did my guess with zelda doing it had to be right. More than dragon tears were shed oh dear hylia. Idk if I am just more emotional lately or if that close up with her dragon form crying got to me. She looks absolutely radiant as a dragon but whyyyyyyyyy. Idk if I like or hate it. It is interesting but my emotions </3 Let me at least get close to her as a dragon. I will fail but I will absolutely try to speed after her now.

#totk spoilers #Got to the last then her dragon flew by and I just said 'oh that looks way too close to zelda oh please not tell me I'm wrong'.#Went to the last tear but wasn't sure I was ready. Man.#There are still mems n story I wonder if that like changes or if she truly stays one and that's it #Hnnnnnnnn #Was smth w the last one I got being the 8 one w the three having a nice tea time #and then her dragon form flying above me and reveal the last one #Didn't cry much bc it's genuinely hard to let myself cry but nonetheless totk now counts as a game that made me #Which is an achievement #ganondorf sexy yadayada yes I agree but MY GIRL TURNED INTO AN IMMORTAL DRAGON SO THAT LINK CAN SAVE HYRULE #I might. Have stronger emotions abt zelink/zelda than I think huh.#I am an empath but only with fictional characters /hj #Link and zelda became like children to me. My darling daughter why did you do that. I get it but WHY #I could try to talk abt all this more eloquent all I say is I get why and support her decision. She knows what she does.#Link and me will not let it be in vain but ik you already have absolute faith in him #her dragon eyes truly mesmerize me they feel so full of emotions #a wild lux appears

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hundredowls · 1 year ago

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silly oc doodle..... ballroom yuri

#ocs #ok so im gonna ramble/complain in the tags for a bit bc i love to complain its mostly not even gonna be relevant to the ocs but anyway ok #yknow that diagram abt art skills thats like ability to see/ability to draw #im at the BAD PART OF IT RN #i wanna draw fanart so bad but then i get annoyed bc the fanart doesnt look as good as the source material GHRG which is a totally #unreasonable thing to think bc source material is drawn by Professionals but you know how it is. Art Hard etc etc complain etc etc #need to do more studies etc etc #i wanna be able to draw really good so i can draw the things i love!!!!! even if its hard and tedious i wanna practise!!!! i love art!!!!!!#dont think about whats easy think about whats fun - bokuto koutarou etc #anyway everyday i am sad i have to sit in front of a desk for 8 hours instead of practising drawing :( i wanna table at a con this year....#but is there even time.....#ANYWAY this is somewhat relevant bc in an effort to be less hard on myself mayhaps i will try draw more oc things so i dont feel pressure #(self imposed)#to make it perfect kjskjkd #or at least not as much #and hopefully get over my brain's tendency to Compare Everything #i have like 3 vague sets of ocs (one less vague than the others ive posted one of the characters from that on my main art blog before sjdks #these two are from the next less vague set there is a plot premise and some side characters too. shdks #i thought abt them a couple months ago but then i watched strictly ballroom w sophie n i was reminded of them again #anyway im not good at coming up w fully fleshed out stories i just like to doodle ppl n think of random connected scenarios sometimes sdjk #i did a mini free online life drawing course in the break n i tried to apply what i learnt here.... i will keep practising when i can.....#well. if u read all the way to the end. hello :) KJASKA #im going to shower....

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