#i thought of this while flossing my teeth this morning
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Darcy: the worst she can say is no, right?
Elizabeth: you could not have made me the offer of your hand in any possible way that would have tempted me to accept it
Darcy:
#also “last man in the world whom i could ever be prevailed on to marry?”#lizzy why didn’t you just stab him with a bayonet while you were at it#most iconic refusal of all time#in case i haven’t mentioned it pride and prejudice is my favorite thing#i thought of this while flossing my teeth this morning#pride and prejudice#fitzwilliam darcy#elizabeth bennet#lizzy bennet#jane austen#pride and prejudice incorrect quotes#incorrect quotes#literature
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Spirit in the Sky
Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader
Warnings: 18+ minors dni, fem!reader, no upside down/no hawkins au
Word count: 900
Author's note: I don't know what this is or what it will be, but it's inspired by @bettyfrommars' biker!Steve, a lot of The Bikeriders + The Place Beyond the Pines in this first chapter, a little ghostrider!Steve to come, a little of me trying my best to dissociate with the realities of life
Series Masterlist | Next Chapter
Chapter One
The smell of burnt sugar from the candy floss carts is overpowered by the petrol stinging your nose when you enter the tent. The chatter of the crowd mostly drowned out by the buzz of the motorbikes as they zip around, flicking up dirt. There’s a warm breeze that tickles the hem of your dress, sweat clinging to the back of your thighs.
You’re momentarily stuck in a trance watching them go back and forth when you feel a pinch on your arm. Your friend nudging you and speaking in your ear to draw your attention.
That’s him.
He looks much the same as the others in his white jumpsuit, but you can’t deny there’s a different aura that follows him.
One that’s been picked up by most the girls in town in the short time the carnival tent has been pitched.
And now you can’t seem to draw your attention elsewhere as he parades on one wheel to the cheers of the crowd. Making your breath catch in your chest every time he was in the air, falling back down to the ground. At every moment left up to fate and physics as he swoops in behind his fellow stunt riders in the gaudily named globe of death. And again, when the helmet finally came off, his brunette locks set free and only slightly dampened with sweat – a coy smile and wave to the crowd.
You’d fallen in love with strangers before of course. Passionate fantasies that lasted just as long as their presence in town. Settling with the dust left in their wake, another moment of escapism to keep you going. But unlike the others, he lingered.
Steve ‘hot spur’ Harrington
And when he started coming into the diner every morning for a cup of black coffee and some bacon with a side of toast you didn’t think much of it. Even less so when you noticed that he’d hardly say a word to you but was all smiles and charming lines to the other waitresses. Even if you’d get a tightness in your chest every time you’d hear the engine of his bike as he pulled up – it didn’t matter.
He was just another fantasy soon to be gone.
That was until he sat up, catching your attention as he uncrossed his legs when you’d left the diner one night, realising he must’ve been leaning on his bike for a while. Your eyes following the cigarette he drops next to the two that already lay discarded by his worn boots, before they travel back up to find his already watching you.
“I was uh,” he cleared his throat of the rasp left by smoke, “I was wonderin’ if you wanted to go for a ride?”
“Excuse me?” Of course you thought you hadn’t heard him right. That he’d mistaken you for someone else. The light in the car park barely cast on orange glow on the both of you. But then, again.
“You wanna go for a ride?”
“You don’t know me.” Your eyebrows pinch, head moving in disbelief.
“Sure I do.” Then he flashes you a smile, shyer than the one he’d been giving the prettier waitresses. “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”
“I-I don’t-“
“The one that I’ve been trying all week to pluck up the courage to ask. So?” His leg starts to bounce, his torso leaning forward while he still remains perched on the side of his bike.
You shrug, still not sure where this conversation was coming from. “So?”
“You wanna go for a ride?”
You shake your head, “No.”
“Oh.” Steve finally breaks eye contact, looking down as he kicks at the gravel. “Right, yeah.” His hand runs through his hair.
“I’ve never been on one.”
His head snaps back up.
You gesture to where he’s seated. “First time with a stranger seems like a terrible decision.”
He smiles again, more assured, teeth on display. “You seen me ride?”
You nod.
“Then you know you ain’t got nothin’ to worry about.”
“It’s reckless.”
He laughs, eyes darting as he notices your body move slightly closer. “It’s practice. And it’s confidence. Two things you need to be good. ‘M not gonna let anything happen to you.”
“Why me?”
Steve stands up, bridging the gap between you in a couple of steps. “Already told you.” Your head moves back to accommodate his closeness.
“You think I’m beautiful, right. How many girls you said that to since you got here?”
“You seen me with another girl?”
“No.”
“Then I think you just answered your own question.”
You end up in a slight stare off. The smile on his face might’ve pissed you off if it wasn’t so damn charming.
And when you feel his hand pull your arm tighter across his torso, the cotton of his white T-shirt against your skin grounding you as your heart beats rapidly between you, the wind roaring in your ears, you can’t help the smile that finally creeps up on you. Steve squeezes your arm again when he feels it pressed up against his back.
And that’s how one of your fantasies turned real; how you met the love that would burn you to the ground.
#steve harrington fanfic#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington#steve harrington x you#stranger things au#ghostrider!steve
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That Girl Guide
this is in no way me trying to tell you how to live your life. I just thought this would be a fun way to help people explore different ideas and maybe give some inspiration if someone is feeling overwhelmed by the aesthetic. I great way to romanticize your life is to get inspired by a preferred aesthetic.
01. Hygeine
with hygeine it is important to remember just because society says something is necessary doesn't mean it is. This can be things like shaving and teeth whitening.
wash your face at least every night. this is not necessarily referring to a double cleanse with moisturizer, because those can take time to find one's that work and adding in several products at once makes it hard to identify what works and what doesn't. In this case I just mean go in with a gentle soap and wash off any grease and dirt off.
Floss your teeth. This is something that is incredibly important for the long-term health of your teeth. I personally find that I have to use plastic flossers because otherwise I won't floss. Do the best you can where you can.
Brush your teeth. This on is quite obvious, but one thing that is incredibly helpful when you're going through a depressive episode or something is to keep a toothbrush by your bed. In college, when I barely even went to classes, I kept an old plastic water bottle and a toothbrush by my bed, so I would at least brush my teeth 2 a day since I wasn't leaving my bed
Perfume and deodorant regular application of these really elevates your appearance. I personally love syncing these scents. My boyfriend recently bought a nice cologne that goes perfectly with his deodorant, so in the morning the scents aren't trying to compete as much.
02. Hair
this is hard to provide tips on because different hair types need different things so in this case i will just provide some styling tips
Know your hair type. For people who have straight hair, having to find your hair type never occurred to you, at least it didn't for me until I had to help someone learn to take care of their curly hair. But know your porosity and things makes taking care of your hair much much easier.
Split ends only lead to more damage it's better to go ahead and get it trimmed. I am sorry to say this, but cutting your hair at home really is not the move, it is better to just go into your local Great Cuts, or whatever, and just get the $10.00/$15.00 trim. If you absolutely can not get that cut your hair with sharp scissors, best if they are for cutting hair and having someone help you make it even.
A trade mark look of That Girl / Clean girl aesthetics is simple is more so hair styles that have minimal accessories is popular along with slick back looks as they make the hair look well maintained.
Slick back styles are great, especially in a busy week where you haven't had a chance to wash your hair yet. This is very versatile you could pull your hair back into a bun or put it in a ponytail, etc. if you have shorter hair you can slick your part and pull it in to pig tails or leave it pinned behind your ears.
if you have shorter hair styles like the 90s curtain bangs (leaning into the Old Money looks), pairs great with the elegant simple style associated with this aesthetic.
If you want to dress it down and look more casual claw clips and things like that is a great way to keep your hair out of the way while still looking like you put effort into hair even if it was minimal
This is just a side note, mostly for Americans who maybe feel really disconnected from their culture/ancestors look into the way they would style their hair. Theirs will be the most like yours, so they know things you may not, trust your ancestors ^^
03. Makeup
Makeup is in no way a necessity for the It Girl look, but some people like to wear it so I wanted to include it for those people
Look at yourself objectively, see what features you want to HIGHLIGHT, by highlighting your features, it will naturally minimize the ones you want to hide. By doing this, I was able to accept those features a lot more than when I was trying to hide them. I even learned to embrace them and even start catering to those features.
I highly suggest looking at Dear Peachie on Youtube for learning the basics. I found them to be incredibly helpful. They include other things besides makeup but I have only watched their makeup videos so far. It's a great place for beginning to understand the makeup styles that look best on you
In this aesthetic minimal makeup, or "No makeup," makeup is incredibly popular. I don't use foundation most days and instead rely on my blush, eyeliner, and my concealer on the days I wear makeup.
04. Skincare / Bodycare
I've decided to combine these even though a lot won't overlap, but some will.
Exfoliating is great for your skin it unclog pores and helps your largest organ keep you healthy, however exfoliating can also be really harsh I suggestion doing this only once a weak with a natural exfoliation if you have sensitive skin ,i have found that works best for me and my mom, however everyone skin is different so you will need to play around with that. Your face skin is more sensitive, but your body also deserves to be taken care of. Just because it can tolerate it doesn't mean it needs to.
Shaving is entirely optional and not something anyone is required to do. But if that is something you like, always prep your skin, especially though things like exfoliating gloves or something like that to help get ride of the dead skin to get a clean shave to miminimize the chance of ingrown hair and "strawberry legs"
05. Clothes
this is mostly just a list of staples that can be useful for most aesthetics but are incredibly useful for That Girl aesthetics.
plain tees, i suggest at least a black and white. some people may benefit from other colors like brown or beige, but it depends on your lifestyle and preference ^^
plain black slacks. I like mine to be on the softer side but I like the thick pressed ones for more professional interviews and things.
jackets are incredibly useful when dressing up and dressing down depending on the material and style of the jackets. I have an old jacket from my great-grandfather that is worn briwn leather that works well for dressing down business casual to more casual attire. But adding a blazer over a more casual outfit can dress it up.
Jeans are complicated because i am from the south in a very blue collar family, so I think everything goes with jeans. For jeans that fit the That Girl aesthetic, I would suggest looking at jeans with as close to no holes as comfortable. Dear Peachie also has a video over identifying your body type.
#aesthetic#clean girl#motivation#vanilla girl#routine#photo collection#that girl#peachy days#it girl
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Just Another Day
Holding the camp at arm's length was just an Astarion thing. While he was better at letting the others closer, had helped them understand his quirks, it was still painful when he receded back into the shadows of harsh quips and well aimed barbs. When he got like that the rest of the camp quickly learned to leave him alone. Whatever it was that got him in a spiral usually cleared up after a day or two. The only one who didn't pay much heed to Astarion's moods was Gale. Whether it was metaphorical rain or shine in that tent, he strode in there with utmost confidence. Usually, his presence seemed to work wonders on Astarion's moods so nobody discouraged him from continuing.
Another such mood swing was coming. The sneering got worse, Astarion scoffed at the smallest of things and advocated for more murder than usual.
"All I'm say is, we leave the wretches to their own fate. After all, if we die helping them, who is going to destroy Baldur's Gate's ruling class? We need to save ourselves for that."
As usual, he went ignored. But that didn't stop the near enough litany of complaints.
"Couldn't you have moved a bit faster? I thought githyanki were meant to be warriors. I shouldn't have to clean up the mess you make."
"No, I was absolutely aware of the adept casting the spell from behind me. You singed my favourite clothes and my hair! Do you know how inconvenient that is?"
"Your brain matter was probably the material converted to give you horns. I don't see how else you could have been so stupid."
It got worse and worse. Everyone got a tongue lashing, even if it was for something trivial like washing at an inconvenient time. They let Astarion just get on with things, avoided him and his ire. Things only came to a head when, after Astarion refused to leave his tent, Gale wandered in. Though tents weren't the most private of places, usually conversations within were respectfully ignored. But the whole camp heard Astarion's outburst.
"If you're so damn hungry, just go and eat Wyll's shoes! And maybe floss with the laces because you have bullshit getting stuck between your teeth!"
Storming out of the tent, Gale had half a mind to throw a boot back at Astarion. However, he was better than that. He had more control.
"Oh blow me," he growled under his breath.
"Blow your orb yourself, you coward!" Astarion's words rang sharp and clear through the camp and everyone froze. The only sound was the rustle of fabric as he tied the flaps of his tent shut.
At least he was quiet after that. Mumbles of "murder is wrong, staking your boyfriend is rude" from Gale were met with huffs of laughter. They all knew Astarion could be a little too dramatic at times, this was just a bit more excessive than usual.
In the morning the tent flap stayed shut. It was a small bit of relief even if the odd guilty glance was shot in its direction. Something was amiss but getting through to Astarion was nigh on impossible. The following day a small party was heading out and Astarion's help would have been much appreciated.
"Not today," his voice replied through the still shut tent. "I don't wish to become another 'accidental' death. Your hand might slip or you might just not be fast enough. What a tragedy, only the good die young, he'll be sorely missed. Then I'll be nothing but a distant memory that's best left forgotten. So no, thank you, I think I'll pass."
Adventuring without him went absolutely fine, not a single fight was had. Returning to camp, the group had a merry time. It was only next morning that Karlach cast Astarion's tent a sad glance.
"He hasn't been out since your argmuent. Not even to bask in the rising sun's glow."
Gale sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Why he had to go falling in love with someone as impossible as Astarion was beyond him. But there he was. He eyed Karlach who offered a smile and half a shrug.
"Maybe he's just hangry. I know I would be, if I went so long without eating."
"I'll take him something."
Despite Gale's best intentions, Wyll had beaten him to it. He dragged the deer back to camp before hanging it up with Halsin's help to drain the blood into a bucket. Scooping some into a goblet, he approached the tent.
"We thought you might like something to drink," he said. There was no reply. "Seriously, Astarion, whatever it is that's got you like this, we can help. But you have to let us."
"Maybe the goblet is laced with garlic? Or dead man's blood? That's the only kind of help you seem capable of."
"Say what you like, but at least we're trying. Which is more than can be said about you," Wyll grumbled. He set the blood down in front of the tent flap and walked away.
It was still there the next morning, cold, congealed and drying. Gale frowned as he moved it out of his way. This whole thing was just getting ridiculous. Close to a week, Astarion had been in a funk. Leaving him alone hadn't seemed to solve the matter so it was time to get some answers.
"May I come in?"
Bitter resignation laced Astarion's voice. "Does my reply have any influence on your actions?" Before Gale could reply, Astarion let out a sad laugh. "You might as well come on in, I'll play along with your charade."
An invitation was an invitation and Gale decided to accept it. He undid the ties of the tent and stepped into the darkness. Eyes taking a moment to adjust, Gale peered around. The whole tent was a mess. Or, rather, at first glance it was a mess. But as he looked, a pattern of sorts began to emerge. The piles weren't random, clothes weren't strewn around. If Gale wasn't careful, he would trip over something. Either end of the tent held a bundle and he had no idea which one was Astarion. Squinting between the two, Gale opted not to move in case he started in the wrong direction and had to backtrack over the obstacle course.
"Astarion?" Nothing. Neither pile moved. Gale bit his tongue to hold back his frustration. "What's going on?" Still nothing. If Gale hadn't know Astarion was in there, he would have assumed the tent was empty. Patience wearing thin, he tried again. "Is this some stupid game you're playing? Because I'm not going to go along with that. So either behave like the adult you are, or I am leaving."
Finally one of the piles moved and Astarion's head popped up. Even in the half-light his eyes looked large, face drawn and exhausted as though he'd been on high alert for days on end without reprieve.
"Are you here to hurt me?"
"What kind of asinine-?! No! Absolutely not!" Aghast, Gale wasn't certain whether he wanted to get closer to Astarion or further away. "Light of my night, why would you ask that?"
No answer was forthcoming. No quip, no denial, no clarification. Instead, Astarion stared at him with about as much trust as a deer that had caught the scent of a predator.
"I just want you to drink."
"But you know your blood hurts."
"I never said to drink from me! You impossible man. I'm coming over and feel free to laugh when I topple over one of your traps." Because that's what they were. Traps and distractions. Picking his way over there, Gale plopped down and opened up his arms in invitation. The hesitation Astarion showed was hurtful, that was no lie. "I'm not here to hurt you. I just want to understand."
Under the bulk of clothes, armour and throws, it was almost like Astarion deflated. But he still didn't seek comfort in Gale's arms. They sat, in silence for a while.
"Today's my turning day," Astarion finally bit out.
"Shit. Is that like a birthday? I didn't think you'd celebrate such a day. But if I'd known, we'd have thrown you a party like we did for Wyll's birthday."
"I don't know when my birthday is." The words were quiet, hesitant. Almost like Astarion was talking about some forbidden topic that he was terrified of being overheard. "But Cazador wouldn't let me forget the day he claimed me."
Wouldn't let him forget...what Gale knew of Cazador, it was highly unlikely that he threw a party. Slowly the pieces of the puzzle were beginning to slot together but the picture wasn't quite clear just yet.
"Would you have rather it was forgotten?"
A soft 'mhm' was the only reply. Silence stretched between them and Gale itched to know more. Thankfully, he was a stubborn bastard and for once he held out longer than Astarion.
"I'd get sent out with specific instructions on what he wanted me to bring home. I always failed, got punished." As he spoke, Astarion's eyes stared off into the distance, mentally miles away. "Then came the poisoned rats. The chalices of burning blood. Said it was all to soften me up for the day he most regretted in his life. Turning me."
Unable to help himself, Gale reached out, desperate to touch and reassure. A dam was broken and Astarion crumpled into the hand, near enough falling against Gale's chest as he sought comfort and reassurance that he'd denied himself for so long.
"On the day, he'd- he'd-" the words weren't coming and Gale gently shushed him.
"It's okay. He isn't here. He can't hurt you. Nobody's going to hurt you. Not today, not any day."
"Said it was my fault." Astarion didn't have tears to shed anymore, those had dried up a century ago. Crying wasn't a luxury he could afford himself but his breath still hitched on a sob. "I brought it on myself."
Ever so gently, Gale began running a hand through Astarion's hair. It was flat, dusty and greasy. He didn't care though. Everything was making sense at last. Refusals to join, to drink, to even leave his tent, Gale didn't have to be the genius he was to figure it all out. Leaning down, he buried his nose in Astarion's hair and breathed deeply.
"You didn't deserve it. Any of it." Mind made up, he pressed a kiss to Astarion's head. "You've must be exhausted after all this worry. Trust me to keep you safe?"
"But I told you to blow yourself sky high."
"You're not the first, nor will you be the last. Let me love you and protect you. Rest. Tomorrow we can think about getting you a drink that you're comfortable with. Okay?"
There was a little too much obedient pacifying in Astarion's placid "okay" but Gale couldn't do much about it. Maybe Karlach was right, after a fuller stomach the world might not look so ready to end for Astarion. But until then, Gale would sit with him, cast a ward of protection and stay awake for the whole night if it meant Astarion could have a bit of rest. Waving a hand and murmuring the spell, Gale let a soft shimmering blue of protection settle around the tent. He'd keep it there though until Astarion was ready to face the world again.
And maybe, while he waited, Gale was plotting to find a day for Astarion's birthday. They would make new memories and celebrate his existence. It wouldn't overwrite the memories of suffering, but Gale hoped it would give him new ones to remember and enjoy.
#bloodweave#astarion/gale#astarion x gale#astarion#gale of waterdeep#gale dekarios#bg3#bg3 astarion#bg3 gale#baldur's gate 3
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Life Hack: Oil pulling
This is a life hack to take more proper care of our oral hygiene and is something that I am actually testing out, and I can actually see incredible results in only one week.
What is oil pulling?
Oil pulling is an ancient Ayurvedic practice that involves swishing oil around in your mouth for several minutes to promote oral health. The process is believed to draw out toxins from the body and improve dental hygiene. The scientific community has mixed opinions on oil pulling. Some small studies have shown reductions in oral bacteria, plaque, and gingivitis, comparable to mouthwash. However, more extensive and rigorous studies are needed to confirm these benefits conclusively.
What are the benefits that oil pulling can have on you?
Improved Oral Hygiene: It is said to reduce plaque, gingivitis, and bad breath.
Whitening of Teeth: Regular practice is believed to help whiten teeth.
Detoxification: Proponents claim it helps detoxify the body, although scientific evidence supporting this is limited only to the part of the mouth.
Relief from Jaw Pain: Some report reduced jaw pain and improved jaw strength.
How do i do oil pulling?
Choose your oil: Coconut oil is a popular choice due to its antimicrobial properties. even though every vegetable oil can be good for this practice.
Measure a tablespoon: Use about a tablespoon or two of oil.
Swish the oil: Swish it around your mouth for 15-20 minutes. Make sure not to swallow it. and it is suggested to do this first thing in the morning to get rid of all the bacteria that accumulates throughout the night. (This is the part that makes your jaw pain go away because you actually exercise your mouth muscles while you do that.)
Spit it out: Spit the oil into a trash can (not the sink, as it can clog pipes).
Rinse and brush: Rinse your mouth with water and then brush your teeth as usual.
Oil pulling is generally considered safe, but it should not replace traditional oral care practices like brushing and flossing.
My thoughts and experiences:
I always had problems keeping my oral igine costant because of my adhd. Since I started oil pulling, not only did I see an improvement in my teeth, as they are more white, but I also saw an improvement in my routine because, in general, I see it as an easy way to clean my teeth, which includes actually brushing my teeth. i also have notice improvements with my jawline but that could be the gua sha too.
#manifestation#manifesting#shifting methods#loa methods#manifestation method#manifesation#spiritual development#journal#explain the method#explained#life hacks#life lessons#beauty hacks#oil pulling#naturalbeauty#natural hair#view#manifest#personal#affirm and persist#my post#manifestation theory#life tips#helpful#adulting#advice#life advice#useful#useful stuff#lifehacks
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and when that fog horn blows…i will be coming home..
x - x - x
x - x - x
x - x - x
—DNI NSFW—
⋆ watching cartoons near the tv, stuffie in hand n my paci n my mouth completely infatuated with the show i’m watching. warm blanket snuggled against me to shield from the early morning cold
⋆ me n papa laying in bed. he’s readin a book or watching tv n im playing on my switch n something cool happens so I crawl over to him and point at what I want him to look at. he diverts his attention to look at me n nods and asks me questions about it
⋆ snuggles up to me close in bed and puts the blankets up to my shoulders so we’re all warm and cozy. protected from the cold of the window cause what’s the point of cuddling up to each other if it’s not cold at night? (we close it in the morning because being cold when you first wake up is a miserable affair)
⋆ when it gets harder to speak and i stutter a lot he gets down on my level and ruffles my hair and tells me it’s okay. that i don’t have to force it if the words aren’t coming quite right now. n when i don’t wanna give eye contact he’ll look away too so i don’t feel pressured or loose my train of thought or start stuttering again.
⋆ always pulls me into him. whether it be tucking me into his side and kissing my forehead while we’re watching a movie or holding my hand all the time.
⋆ very gentle with academics… “c’mon bubby, let’s read this book right here…” he says, sitting at my tiny table and waving a picture book in his hands. sometimes he’ll leave me temporarily to start on lunch and have me read it out loud- “are you stuck? remember to sound it out okay?” and when i can’t get the word he comes over and puts on his glasses to helps me.
⋆ stands outside of the bathroom door during our night routine. he’ll lean against the door with his arms folded or a fidget in hand while watching me brush my teeth or wash my face. “do you need help flossing?” n he’ll always urge me to ask for help… “ask for help, okay? i’ve got you..” n when we’re all done he picks me up off my stepping stool and brings me to bed.
⋆ i’m always very attentive to the texture and smell of things…especially blankets. when we’re out washing i’m always staring worriedly at the blanket washer and biting my lips. he gently places his hand on my shoulder. “they won’t be burned bubby, i promise okay? i’m on the look out remember?” n i just nod into his side, grabbing his fingers.
⋆ therefore most if not all of our bed is just throw blankets. papa uses the actual comforter and sometimes i do too but most of the time it’s just me n my blanket nest snuggled up to papa
⋆ picks out my clothes for me…but likes to get input on what i like. “okay, do you want to wear this? or this?” and i just point to what im wearing now with a blank face (it’s my pj’s and/or lounge clothes) and he just looks at me with a defeated sigh.
⋆ corrects my wrongs with a conk of his head, an eyebrow raise and a long “aht.” he has a look that he gives me that immediately makes me stop whatever mischievous ministration i’m up too. “bubby. what are you doing?” “filling the tub up with toys!” “…and why have we decided to fill the tub up with toys?” “so i can make a toy bath!” *proceeds to give me ‘the look™️’
⋆ always makes sure i have my own aids when we’re going out n i have extras of his (“headphones?” “check!” “backpack?” “mhm!” “good boy..”) and if we’ll be standing for a while he checks up on me. asking how my body feels and that i don’t need to push myself.
⋆ always always involuntary regress around him. it’s hard to notice but what goes from usual quiet (making noise, humming, singing) goes to toddy quiet (making myself smaller so i take up less space in the room, finding places i can hide, not talking at all) n when he notices that im not in the room or that he can’t hear me he goes looking for me. brushes my hair out of my face when he finds me and holds his arms out for me to climb into them because he knows that i really just want to be underneath him and beside him. following him around like a lost puppy with a paci in my mouth.
#ya there’s van morrison again#🖇️ ; paperclips#🧃; scribblescrabbles#🪵 ; lonestar#this one’s a bit more personal i suppose#sfw agere#sfw age regression#🍁 ; au chocolat
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Teeth Headcanons for Modern Warfare characters
Our boy is finally here! Alex is the first headcanon I wrote and it has a special place in my heart. I am so happy to bring you all my thoughts on my tooth son.
Alex
Alex’s teeth are perfect, no like, have you SEEN him??
He is an American pretty boy through and through. (figures under the cut)
Alex always had pretty good teeth, but they weren’t perfectly straight, so in classic USA medical fashion his yearly dentist visit sent him to the orthodontist when he became old enough for braces to matter, and his orthodontist found just enough imperfections to recommend dental correction. My boy got an Invisalign at 16 back in high school. He was the cool kid on the block for it too because everyone else had braces and people were. Jealous. By 17 he had moved onto only needing to wear the trays at night. His teeth have been perfect ever since.
Alex could have kept his wisdom teeth. Had he been anywhere other than the US he’d still have them, but his orthodontist didn’t know if they’d erupt smoothly *enough.* The x-rays looked pretty good, his upper wisdom teeth were less in need of surgery than his lower ones, but there was a risk with letting any of them stay there. Alex was on the fence about the procedure until he was informed that letting his wisdom teeth come in naturally could move his other teeth that he’d already gotten straightened out—after that, he was completely on board for their removal. (This however, is a soft version of dental malpractice, as its simply not true. Wisdom teeth either have space or they don’t and they probably won’t push your other teeth and mess up your smile, but whoever said dentists never make mistakes needs to go to a dentist. Alex had a play-book dentist that was unaware this is a common misconception and fell into it. If your dentist recommend getting your wisdom teeth removed to prevent your previously straighted teeth from moving slightly they’re not doing something right! Anyway back to headcanons. Alex of course didn’t know this at the time :( and they stole his wisdom)
His wisdom teeth removal wasn’t freshly filmed, but his childhood best friend met him back at his house to babysit him while high on the drugs and she’s got some great videos of him slowly coming down from it all.
Today Alex still cares for his teeth. He’s an every morning and nightly teeth brusher, he flosses either with a spool or with the sticks (he’s not picky) when he doesn’t have access to his Waterpik [“It's more fun than flossing” -Alex] and still religiously wears his retainer trays every night that he can. He cares for his teeth he wants them to stay strong. He also encourages others around him to take care of their teeth! making sure everyone knows the importance of dental hygiene... he's a bit annoying about it
Actually I’m not done talking about Alex with a Waterpik! I went to post this and now I’m delaying it to talk more about this man's love of this machine. He did meticulous research before picking it. He’s go one with all the settings and bought the expansion pack of brush nozzles. Its the one luxury he complains about not having when he’s not staying at a place where using a Waterpik is feasible. Terrible beds? No potable water? Nothing but MRE’s to eat for a month? He’s a soldier he can handle it. But man,
Farah!! I miss my waterpik! *grumbles*
Mmm Alex Keller <33
#My man probably also uses a tongue brush#we’ll find out where he got that idea from later.#He bought it because he didn’t want his breath to stink for Farah… what a fucking simp.#he uses mouthwash too btw but not as frequently#cod mw2#mw2#cod#cod mwii#farahalex#alex keller#teeth hcs#cod Alex#alex cod#alex mw2#cod headcanons#call of duty modern warfare#farah karim#cod modern warfare#cod farah#farah cod#now some expansion tags for future posts maybe ?#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#captain john price#gaz kyle garrick#kyle gaz garrick#ghoap#hadir karim
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rituals in everyday life
so i was reading New Moon Magic: 13 Anti-Capitalist Tools for Resistance and Re-Enchantment by Risa Dickens and Amy Torok for some inspiration on the Virgo new moon and that chapter of the book contained something that got me thinking.
the authors discuss how a ritual is a repetitive action that accumulates results over time, not only in a magical practice. so for example, a skincare routine is a ritual with the accumulating goal of improving the condition of your skin as well as maintaining its health.
so i wanted to shortly reflect of some aspects of my daily life that could be seen as rituals and this may inspire you to look at the mundane a bit more magically too! if you're pagan like me, you could also see these rituals as actions you do for the gods, as offerings or devotional activities.
showering
this one is the obvious one. showering is the ritual to keep yourself generally clean. i never really thought of it as a ritual because i don't enjoy showering too much but i always feel clean and rejuvenated afterwards. having a shower or a bath could then be seen as a small cleansing ritual, getting you ready for the day ahead or purifying you from the day's troubles.
similar to this could be routines such as skincare, brushing your teeth, cutting your nails and other body cleanliness or maintenance tasks.
taking meds
for me this is specifically taking my testosterone which i do every day. it has become a routine so i don't really think about it much anymore but i should! it is a commitment i am making to my body and my happiness and similarly to the shower one, it is something that makes me feel happier and more in touch with myself.
if you also take meds, you can also think about the action as a ritual that prepares you for the day ahead (if you take them in the morning) or as the maintenance of your body and/or mind. if you don't take meds you could instead apply this to other morning routines such as eating breakfast, cooking food, taking vitamins or having a cup of coffee.
evening routine/ritual
in the evening i do multiple things that calm me down and set my mind into "getting ready for sleep" mode. i used to struggle with sleep a lot due to my adhd but i have since incorporated things that help me fall asleep more easily. now that i'm assessing this routine through a different lens, it seems more like a ritual, a series of motions that help me set my mind onto something and achieve my goal.
during my evening routine/ritual, i first take my melatonin which helps me to fall asleep in a timely manner. then i go floss and brush my teeth. after this i usually turn my laptop off, directing myself away from my desk and towards the bed. finally, i do my evening skincare routine and go lay in bed and while i sometimes still go on my phone or read, i am usually able to fall asleep soon enough. in a sense, this is a ritual that helps me fall asleep and have a good rest.
studying/going to school
while i have recently finished my degree, now in retrospect i see studying and going to school as a ritual which helps me build my future. thanks to education i have been able to not only learn many important and interesting things, i have also learned about myself and figured out what I want in life. while school and studying isn't always fun (let's be real, it's mostly not fun) it can be really beneficial to you, your sense of self and your future. so, you can think about it as a long-term ritual.
if you don't study (anymore) you can still apply this to other aspects of your life. for example, if you're looking for work like me, you can think of applying for jobs as a prosperity ritual, same thing with going to work. you could also see reading a book or doing research the same way.
other things that you could see as rituals
hanging out with friends - a ritual that maintains friendship, brings happiness and support etc.
cleaning your room/house, doing laundry, taking out the trash etc. - a ritual to keep your life and home organised and clan
charging and cleaning your electronic devices - a ritual to keep them working and in good shape
doing groceries - a ritual to keep you going and/or help you stay healthy
binding - a ritual to make you feel more comfortable in your body and/or to help you pass
+ add your own!
#ritual#witchcraft#witch#magic#routine#magick#pagan#paganism#devotional activity#mint in the moonlight
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𝕻𝖗𝖊𝖈𝖎𝖔𝖚𝖘. Wordcount: 726 Gif credit ©
✗ A Day in the Life of Maylin.
this was a new challenge for maylin. documenting her life in one day seemed like a lot to think about, and what she can and can't showcase during her filming. though the brunette decided not to overthink it too much, whatever the editors wanted to cut, they could do so without maylin feeling bad about their decision.
6:00 am.
this was when maylin woke up almost every day, the sound of her alarm gently playing in the background as she had already gotten up to set up this camera to catch her waking up. it was clear that while she woke up super early, the trainee wasn't a morning person at all. she sat in her bed for another five minutes, simply sitting and staring into space before getting up to do her daily morning routine. this consisted of flossing, brushing her teeth, washing her face, and putting out very minimal skincare alongside her regular amount of makeup. all of this was done in silence, there were no words to truly be said so early in the morning yet.
moving on to preparing her breakfast, this is when maylin began to speak in a whisper, not wanting to fully wake up the other girls in the dorm. "I'm not having anything special… just some leftover rice, kimchi, and the stew I made last night," she spoke while getting her food together, even making a snack for herself later that had yogurt, granola, and fruits in a container that was placed back in the fridge.
7:00 am.
by now, maylin is seen making her way to the company.
she expressed while walking that she likes to get to the studios earlier, just to squeeze in some alone time to stretch and truly get her mindset prepared for a full day of training. "in the midst of it all, the company is preparing for another family concert." she started, entering the studio's and placing the camera down so she could talk and stretch at the same time. "this would be my fourth… fifth, concert preparation and each year it gets even more exciting than the last." and one of the only times she could fully perform on stage with a crowd. the thought of doing this every year pushed maylin harder to achieve her goal of debuting.
when training began, and not giving much away from the practice session, maylin didn't want to record too much and take her focus away from learning - but she did record a good portion of her dance practice with the other trainees.
Lunchtime.
while maylin liked to eat alone, she met up with a close friend of hers for lunch, taeha. deciding to eat outside of the company that day, the girls went to a cafe close by. they spent the time they had eating and chatting with one another, catching up on the things they missed during their phone calls. maylin could be seen laughing along with her friend, sharing photos and even small ghost stories that she learned during the week.
6:00 pm.
maylin was now home, eating bibimbap that she picked up on her way back to the dorms. she sat at a desk in the corner of the room, her glasses on as she had placed the camera in front of her. "this is normally how my life is outside of school. if I was back in that routine, you guys would probably see me bouncing around a bit more from the college lifestyle to being a trainee at night." and how she juggle it all, along with her other hobbies? maylin doesn't know. she continued to chat with the camera about how excited she was to learn a new routine and dance with the other girls. she is the happiest performing, and dancing, of course. there would be a small twinkle in her eyes as she spoke.
8:30 pm.
her hair was visibly damp from her shower, now doing her skincare once more before letting her hair air dry as she went back to bed. this time, she turned on a small reading lamp that she installed on her bed. she was journaling in the dark, then reading a book before growing tired. her video ended here, of the young woman indulging in a fantasy book that would keep her up all night if she allowed it to.
#i just knew these gifs would come in handy one day#anyway this is truly maylin in a nutshell... i hope some kind of charm came from it all#lgc:traineemission#𝕾𝖔𝖑𝖔 * . ⊹ 𝐵𝑅𝐴𝑉𝐸𝑅 𝑇𝐻𝐴�� 𝑌𝑂𝑈 𝑇𝐻𝐼𝑁𝐾
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ADHD PSA #3: Bath time 🛀
So I just moved into a new house, and for whatever reason, the gremlins living in my brain have decided that the new shower has ‼���BAD VIBES‼️ and therefore will only agree to let me have a shower when ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. I've been trying to figure out ways to bribe them into liking the shower, so here are a few ways I've tried to make my shower ADHD accessible.
1) DIY waterproof phone holder
Yes I know I sound like an iPad kid, but if having an audiobook/music/YouTube video playing while I shower lets me shower, I'm ok with that.
All you do is take a sturdy ziplock bag, pop your phone and a large bull clip inside, and zip it up tight (give it a lil squeeze to make sure there are no gaps). Now you can clip the bag onto your shower caddy from the inside, or another ledge or something (get creative), and voila - your phone stays totally dry and you stay entertained. You can even somewhat use your phone through the plastic, so you can change songs etc. When you're done, unclip the unopened bag, take it to a dry place, and you can open it and take your phone out there.
Here's a photo for demo:
2) Sort your shit out
Personally, I get super overwhelmed by all the steps in self-care tasks, including but not limited to showers. Routines like that involve like 10 steps that call on skills ADHDers really struggle with, like decisions, organisation, memory, executive functioning, and planning. So I've made things as simple as they can possibly be for me.
I have 4 little baskets in my cupboard for each of my regular routines:
morning (with makeup, sunscreen, moisturiser, and deoderant)
evening (with vitamin C serum, makeup wipes, pimple patches, and floss)
regular shower (with antibacterial soap, shampoo, conditioner, leave in conditioner, and a hair brush)
and ✨fancy shower✨ (with a razor, shaving cream, nice smelling soap, body moisturiser, curl cream, and a candle)
Now I can just yank out whatever basket I want and use whatever is in it on autopilot. Then, when I'm done, I can dump it all back into the basket and shove it all back into the cupboard. This method reduces how overwhelmed I get by so goddamn much that my fucking dentist commented on the noticeable improvement in my teeth, because I had actually consistently had the energy to floss. And when you're consistently flossing - well, it's only up from here baby 😎
3) DIY bath
The sensory experience of showering can be truly horrendous. And while I can't fix a lot of it, I can at least make it a little less... much. Yk?
So here's my solution:
Yup.
I got myself a blow up pool.
For my shower.
I am officially the coolest person alive.
This baby was $10 at Kmart, and is 80cm wide and 18cm deep - basically, cross your legs and it will not quite cover your thighs. To provide a little more insulation and some padding, I also popped an old towel under the pool. It's really not much, but it means I can sit down in comfortably warm water and splish-splosh myself clean. As opposed to showering, which (especially in a large bathroom/shower like I have now) is alternately way too cold and way too hot, way too loud, way too (I literally don't know how else to say it) "fast", way too out of control (so much splashing and water going everywhere, UGH), and just kinda generally way too much.
A bonus perk: I can finally use some nice pink bubble bath bombs from last Christmas 🥰🥰
I really hope one of these tips helps one of you out there. Keeping yourself clean is one of those "basics" that neurotypical/mentally well people don't realise is actually really hard.
You are doing a truly awesome job, and I'm truly, truly proud of you. Sending you love and warm, clean, sudsy thoughts ❤️
#my posts#mental health#adhd#neurodivergent#womenwithadhd#audhd#autism#burnout#adhd psa#ADHD PSA#life hacks#adhd hacks
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FLOSSING: A GRADUATION
a graduation from suicidality, it is.
I am no longer afraid of committing to the fact and confronting to the reality that I will live.
I just bought a calendar for the first time in my entire life. I never used the planner they gave us every year in high school (although having the type of brain that desperately needed it), cause using the planner admitted to me that I was indeed scheduling my day away— locking the possibility of something better happening— it would prove to me, in some way, that I am accepting in the conditions of my circumstance, and I’ll actively participate in their existence. school, work, sleep, death.
And I have never been okay with the circumstances of my existence. I have always wanted to die. Childhood depression, yada yada, you grow up and become your person, totally created in misery. Baked in some special sauce. Cooked and burnt and fried.
I have always run away from my foreseeable future. My depression was the type where you weren’t too keen on living in the first place, so every single responsibility added felt like bulky clothes while you’re already drowning, simply another reason that the inevitable were to occur: it’s because you never committed to living in the first place. Every push actually pushes you. The steadfastness of a life force was never there to begin with. Water in wind, rain on concrete. You never stood a chance.
Tonight I did my whole nightly routine. Before doing this, I usually take “consideration time”, 10-15 minutes beforehand (which is to say for 10-15 minutes, I am secretly debating if I should waste my energy in getting up at all, because one night wouldn’t kill me, the whole time I am begging myself to fool myself into thinking I would do it tomorrow morning. Because I don’t want to get up. Because self care, which is self preservation ((even in this minuscule example)) has always been something “extra”— because self care, which is self preservation, means admitting you’d like to commit to living.)
That is the bar. That is how low my will to live is. Genuinely. And I’m not fucking depressed like that, as of late. As I’ve put myself into lovely circumstance, through picking battles, choosing peace, and finding forever friends, I’ve been pretty good, I’ve been pretty great, I would say!
Back to the story— I flossed my teeth tonight, a conscious integrated action preluded by many experiences of preparing for this present-future moment. These moments include: a thought that I should start flossing; a reminder to buy floss at the store; a moment in which I actually executed the action, both by going to the store and separately remembering to buy the floss; bringing the floss to the bathroom, alongside my four other things to remember; shortly thereafter, I finally was there, poised in the mirror, hair back and abound, dutifully flossing. A perfect length of floss, enough to wrap a finger or two around for optimal leverage, functional control, and superior grip. And so I was flossing, and in that moment, I felt that I had graduated. I felt the same feelings as I did while graduating— the heart pushes up in your chest a bit, your breaths are remarkably light, your head pulses with pleasant blood— I felt like I had graduated.
Usually you don’t feel that same pang of self-worth and holy gratitude while flossing. However comma I did, and I still do. The graduation feeling persisted as I wrote down dates in my calendar— only friend’s birthdays, so far. I knew I had graduated from my old way of life. I finally wanted to live, and I would do the hard things any day to do it.
#depression#bpd#bpd healing#feelings#emotions#thoughts#suicidality cw#chronic suicidality#passive suicidality#growing up
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wake up calls
anzu struggles with the time difference between nyc and domino while miho makes the distance more bearable.
rating: G ship: coinshipping (anzu mazaki/miho nosaka) word count: 431 read on ao3 @5daysofygofemslash day three: routine
Anzu never thought of thirteen as unlucky until she moved to New York. And now, it’s not because she’s superstitious, it’s how removed from everyone back home it makes her. Home. New York City still doesn’t feel like home, no matter how long she stays there. Most of her day is night for her friends and everyone’s gone on such different paths, it’s almost impossible to plan times to talk.
Except for one.
Every day, she wakes up at five in the morning to a phone call. Miho gets home from the day shift at Kaiba Land at six and rings her. “You won’t believe what happened today…” the stories always start like that. If it’s a good day, a visitor won her a prize, because they were so taken by her. If it’s a bad day, a child spilled their slushie on her or she got candy floss in her hair. One time Kaiba stopped by and didn’t remember her name.
“Turn on video, let me see what you’re practicing!” Miho insists after her story.
Coincidentally, the stories always last just long enough for Anzu to get out of bed, brush her teeth, and stretch before she practices her routine. “You’ve seen this one before!” she’ll protest. Or: “No, no, it’s not ready for an audience.”
Miho pouts, turning her own camera on to make sure Anzu can see it. “Come on, Anzu-chan,” she whines. “Let me see you.”
And that’s what it’s really about. Miho doesn’t care what Anzu is doing, she just likes to be able to see her.
The glimpses that Anzu gets of Miho, she’s changing out of her work clothes and grabbing some dinner out of the fridge. Sometimes she sees her getting a cuter outfit. “Are you going out tonight?”
“Not until later,” Miho hums. “We have plenty of time. How was your audition last night?”
“How do you keep such good track of these things?” Anzu asks, doing stretches on pointe. “I can barely keep up with it all if I don’t write everything down…”
“I put it in my phone calendar.” Miho twirls her hair. “My schedule doesn’t change as much as yours, so I make sure we always have time.” … “That’s okay, right? It doesn’t creep you out or anything?”
Anzu smiles. “I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ll hear back in a few days about the audition.”
“I’ll visit you soon,” Miho says, blowing a kiss to the screen.
“Not if I visit you first. Are you calling tomorrow or should I set an alarm?”
“I’ll call you.”
#5daysofygofemslash#anzu mazaki#tea gardner#miho nosaka#coinshipping#yugioh duel monsters#hnak vs ygo#hnak vs writing
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after reading love you more i have one (1) question for you my dear. why must you hurt me like this? it’s so adorable! now i have to brush my teeth two times and use a dental floss before going to sleep so i won’t get a cavity from all this sweetness. also we’re witnessing val in her soft era👀. go queen go! soo i don’t know about others but this is how i imagined jake chuckling at his sleepy baby. he’ll look at her like 🥹 because of her morning appearance. tangled hair like little chick’s fur and pj that rode up and shows chubby tummy huh. and jake as a king of care and attentiveness asking their child to let mommy sleep more because she had a long day is a peak of my devastation🥹 i’m in my feels please don’t touch me. thanks god reader woke up at the right time or else poor baby would be fed only burnt pancakes into which our dad jake put his effort. i just know if he had a chance to make a ramen for a child he’d do it without any hesitations. “daddy i’m hungry…” “ wait a bit princess ramen is- ” “JAKE NO”. and thanks for showing us the typical dad jake who in either way ends up eating the burnt food. yk memes like “dad’s lunch vs kid’s lunch” that’s jake. bruh brushing teeth part i have nothing to say here i hate it too bye. funny though how baby started and ended her day on jakes chest GIRL I WISH I COULD DO THAT TOO but baby in the end asking (and in the beginning) asks for mommy PLEASE😭😭😭 the cutest. thanks for you hard work angel!!🫶 also here to cheer you up
aaaaa the way i was smiling the whole entire time while i was reading this ☹️🫶🏼
i put in the jake brushing his daughters teeth scene because my dad said when i was younger i’d always refuse to brush my teeth so, i figured it’d be cute ehe 😵💫 UGHHSBDJSJ that video is so cute pls, there is no doubt that jake would look at his future child like that bc 😪 so cute
tbh i’m always in my soft era so don’t expect me to get out of it HWBSJWJ the thought of his baby waking up like that makes me SMILE SO MUCHHH so adorable i’m going to cry.
jakes the type to burn food when he tries and makes it, i can imagine it so welllll but i can teach him anyway 😽 for the ramen thing, i can imagine heeseung and jake making ramen for both their kids 😭😭 i would do anything to lay on jakes chest with OUR CHILD together like that’d be UGHNAOWNNSJSNW
and thank you for liking the fic baby, the video did so cheer me up, thank you ml <3
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send GRIEVED for a scene from my muse's past in which they had recently lost someone / something [ polendina ]
Pietro can't remember the last time he made penance. The regular attendance prescribed by his parents had dwindled when he took up residence at Ginnungagap to just the four appointed days throughout the year; some time after his graduation, he had stopped going at all, while his faith withered.
He'd forgotten… many things.
Shuffling now like an old man into the nave, Pietro unearths a newfound reverence for the simple grandeur of it all. The arcade pillars dripping with alabaster statuary and gold inlay, each depicting a face of the Radiant One: the wild Dawn-Dragon roaring with the sun in His claws, the Golden Monarch seated upon His fiery throne, the lambent antlers of the Midsummer Stag piercing the flank of the Night-Wolf; small marble figures of man and faunus alike kneel in prayer about the base of every tableaux, framed by trellises of painted marble scrolls.
Beneath his feet, the starry, midnight-blue parquet of the narthex flushes the colors of sunrise—red, pink, gold—and brightens toward cerulean where it meets the gilded arches of the solar tree.
Father Areg has grown older, his face deeply lined, the thick salt-and-pepper of Pietro's memory faded to soft white wisps of candy-floss; but he putters back and forth beneath the golden boughs just as he did when Pietro was a young boy, and his smile still puts starlight in his watery blue eyes.
"Pietro?" he says in his startling bass, roughened by the passage of years but otherwise unchanged. "Why, hello—I did not expect–" He catches himself, and his tone gentles. "How can I help you, my boy?"
"Father." The word crackles in his throat; Pietro swallows thickly, and the priest's warm smile becomes a look of piercing concern. "I–"
Long neglect binds his tongue and makes his fingers clumsy. The cane he clutches with his left hand, slick with sweat, obliges him to draw the coronal sign before himself half-circle, and shame burns in him like bile. Head bowed, voice hoarse, Pietro whispers, "I have come to make a penance, Father."
Father Areg murmurs something he doesn't catch through the ringing in his ears, but Pietro feels the weight of a gnarled hand upon his arm and follows, guided by the priest and old habit alike to the low, cushioned bench at the fore of the nave-aisle.
Kneeling causes a terrible pain to rise from the middle of his thigh in bright, fiery arcs to the small of his back. Pietro grits his teeth, and grips his cane, and though he trembles, he does not cry out, nor collapse.
"When you're ready," Father Areg says kindly, laying a hand on his shoulder, and then, "Lament of your sin, for it assails the spirit; it has taken you from the living waters of the Light our God. Therefore weep, my child; let flow the tears of sorrow to make ready your parched soul for His renewal."
Pietro closes his eyes, exhaling. These are old words, comfortingly familiar, and greater than the pain clawing through his body.
He had retrieved his old prayer book from its shoebox at the top of his closet yesterday morning, to study and prepare, and yet he thinks now that even had he not done so, the proper beginning would have come to him, as natural as his own breath: "I regret," Pietro says, "my sins, voluntary and involuntary, knowing and ignorant, great and small, committed by word and deed, in thought or intention, whether in light or in shadow, every hour and minute of my life. I weep over my lack of faith, my doubting, my cynicism, my pride, my indifference…"
It has been many years. His recitation needs must be long, though no one human could give a truly thorough accounting of every sin committed in so long a span. The pain turns like a screw, ever tighter and deeper while Pietro offers the story of his failings: the impatient arrogance which had first led him astray, the commitment to his studies that eclipsed faith and became idolatrous; the accumulated shames of a thousand thoughtless things he's said, of callous moments when he might have been kind, of greed, of ungenerous deeds, of taking for granted the riches he has.
Pietro is not a bad man. He hopes that in the course of his life, he has helped more than he has harmed; always, he has strived to make this world a better one than he found it.
"…but for this, too, I weep, for I have so often committed the sin of self-judgment, placing myself in arrogance before the Light, my Judge, and in deeming myself good I turned away from His wisdom and became blind to my faults and my failures…"
Tears drip down his face; from pain, and from the relief of this unburdening. Once or twice he's obliged to pause in his recitation to wipe his face with his sleeve, and about halfway through he can take the agony of kneeling no longer and admits, voice breaking: "I—Father, I am sorry, I think I must—sit, instead."
"Our bodies break and fail us," Father Areg murmurs with a sad, gentle humor. "It is the nature of mankind to be touched by destruction, and no sin to act in accordance with the limitations of our flesh." He pauses, and while he helps Pietro assume a less painful position on the bench, he adds quietly, "Though it can be a sin of falsehood if we deny such limits, to ourselves or to others."
"Right," Pietro says, and gives a bleak sort of chuckle. "I fear that is a sin I have committed every day for quite… quite some time."
Father Areg squeezes his shoulder, silent, and Pietro takes another moment to compose himself before he resumes speaking.
How long it is, he cannot guess, but he is aware of others coming in and out of the church: of a youthful acolyte sweeping the opposite nave-aisle, of a woman who enters from the narthex on tip-toe to whisper a midday intercession before the icon of Saint Osgyth, of the deacon singing a hymn while he goes about lighting the candle-leaves of the solar tree. In his youth, Pietro remembers feeling embarrassed to make penance within hearings of others, but it comforts him now; he is not alone.
When at last the well of his preparation runs dry and he lapses into troubled silence, Father Areg murmurs, "Is that the end of it?"
"No, Father," Pietro says quietly. "There is—one thing more, which burdens my heart most of all. I am… ashamed." He takes a deep breath. "My colleague, Arthur Watts– he—sometimes, he is difficult, but he is my friend, and he– when the rebels took Fort Shiro, he saved my life. I have been… most ungrateful to him; no doctor in the world could have done better, under such circumstances, and yet I begrudged him—held it against him that I will suffer the rest of my life in an imperfectly healed body. It is because of him that I can still walk at all, but it hurts, and I have held hatred in my heart for him as if he were my tormentor."
Swallowing thickly, Pietro stops again to cover his eyes. Arthur is a prouder man than even he, and a man of high, barbed walls who might almost rather die than reveal a shred of vulnerability to anyone: difficult is a generous word. But three days ago, the hurt that wrenched across his face when Pietro snapped that Arthur would have done better for him by leaving him to die had been impossible to mistake, no matter how swiftly the man buried it behind caustic outrage; and far more than his own misery, it is that which woke Pietro to what he has become, is becoming.
"…I do not," Pietro croaks, "wish to be—this, this… bitter, angry man. Thus I have sinned. Have mercy upon me, O God, forgive me and calm my heart; accept, O Maker of All, my repentance, that I might approach thy sacred teachings in the spirit of your mercy. I pray now for the remission of my sins and correction of my soul. I pray thee, bring down the barriers of my heart and humble me, that I might make amends with those whom I have hurt, and the ones I have made to stumble. To thy everlasting Light I commend my mortal life. Amen."
He feels lighter at once, as if flushed of all the grime and cobwebs of these long years, and it is a relief to bow his head in solemn silence while Father Areg prays over him to complete his penance. In a few moments, when the rite has ended, they may speak more of his ugly quarrel with Arthur, of his brokenness, of his pain; Pietro trusts the priest will offer him sound advice, though he suspects some will be a little singeing to hear.
For now, though, he breathes, and the tears on his face are tears of simple relief.
#AND TIME DOES THIS TO US ( fic. )#IN ALL SOUND THAT MEANS GOODBYE ( ic: pietro. )#[ pietro is SUCH an#''in my darkest hour i found my way back to God''#type of religious#i feel this abt him in my soul ]#[ …extremely funny for Your Watts in particular ]
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Monday 4th September 2024
Hey journal so yesterday I went to Legoland with my family as an early surprise for my little brothers 7th birthday. He just thought we were going to new opened park, so when we got there he was so stoked and happy. He couldn’t wait and was so happy which was nice to see. The day ended up being really good actually and we went on loads of different rides and we also went on a couple illusion things that were absolutely crazy. We also had some hotdogs there which were hella expensive. Anyways after Legoland when we were driving home we stopped at a services and got ourselves a McDonald’s. The food was nice and hot. Also once we got home I shortly after went to sleep.
Now for this morning I woke up really late after about 12 to 13 hours of sleep. Once I got up I got ready for the day. Then I follow my mum to my garage as my car was booked in to get its two front exsobers sorted, after dropping it off me and my mum went into town and after a while we separated and I got myself a haircut which I really love. I got my hair thinned out, with a medium skin fade and tiger scratches the back and I love it. After getting my haircut. I went to the shop and got myself some bits. For my teeth like floss and toothpicks. I also got myself some body spray as I was running out at home. Then I walked to the gym and trained loads and it was a really good session and I was in there for about an hour. Then after my session I went to McDonald’s to get myself a meal as I was still waiting for my car. I ordered a grilled bbq and bacon wrap with chips and an orange juice. I then ate this outside. At one point there was this pigeon next to me on the table next to me so I decided to give it a chip which it enjoyed. Then after this it proceeded go jump on my table and stare at me and hint that it wanted another one, but I only gave it that one as I wanted my chips. After this I rang the garage as I wanted to know how much longer until I could get my car. Then they said it was practically ready for me to pick up, so I got picked up and paid my £365 to the garage and then drove my car home. Once I got home, I watched some YouTube for a bit. Then I went live on tiktok and was shown loads of love and support which was nice. I then had a shower and now I am writing in here. Anyways speak to you later, bye journal!
Here are some photos from the last two days! ⬇️⬇️⬇️
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