#i think we should all be discussing their chronic pain more

[worstwolvie]

logan and wade helping each other deal w their chronic pain <3

[heartlilith]

Difficult Placements in the Natal Chart

*Difficult: defined as "not easy; needing effort or skill to do or to understand" 

I'm going to be discussing what placements I believe are more difficult to have in a natal chart. I just want to emphasize that this is my opinion (Tamra Judge voice) . Let's remember that all placements have their pros and cons, you are not defined by a few unfavorable placements. Of course, aspects and orbs matter... Chiron with 3 squares to your personal planets will be more difficult to handle than if you had Chiron trine Sun and Venus, for example.

One last thing: Difficult placements can be the ones with the most value. They teach you things, make you stronger, and they can make you an inspiration to people dealing with similar situations. Difficult placements have their positives too, which we will discuss.

🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿

Sun conjunct Chiron: These natives go through a lot of pain, physically and emotionally. They go through many trials and have to learn how to heal again and again. I feel like the universe puts them through a lot so that one day they can help others, which is nice but damn. This aspect can easily make someone slip into addiction, depression, and bitterness if the energy isn't channeled correctly. These people are prone to psychic attacks that lead to chronic illness, specifically migraines.

Positives: Can become a healer, can help other people through their problems, can become an inspiration, selfless character.

Sun square/opposite Neptune: These natives struggle when it comes to their fragile ego. They are deeply sensitive and feel things intensely. They absorb energies meaning if they're around negative people, they themselves will become negative as well. It's so important for these people to be surrounded by positive and successful individuals. Sun square/opposite Neptune is also easily manipulated and taken advantage of since they tend to see the world through rose-colored glasses. Throughout life, this placement can make an individual feel unworthy and inferior which can lead to a victim mentality that's hard to break. Watch out for escapist behavior because these people are prone to addiction.

Positives: These people are very psychic and should work on their spiritual abilities. Becoming religious or spiritual can be very beneficial for them. They have the most impressive imagination and are super creative.

Capricorn Moon: I've noticed that people with Capricorn as their moon sign have difficulties with being vulnerable and asking for help. They are the people that hold their family and friends together - they are the strong one. Oftentimes, they become responsible too early in life, which probably cut their childhood short if they had one at all. Their sense of responsibility is their strength but its also a weakness; they don't want to be thought of as "weak" or "needy" so they hold their feelings in. Like Pisces, when their emotions come on strong they need an escape, Capricorns rely on work and their sense of duty. They are prone to becoming workaholics and will ignore painful situations by working all the time.

Positives: Likely to become successful career-wise, very driven and ambitious, people trust them, they make great friends because you can rely on these people.

Aquarius Moon: Similar to Capricorn, Aquarius Moons struggle with their emotions and how to express them. Their emotions might not even be felt in some cases. They look at things intellectually and in a detached way; they think "Should I be sad about this?" or "Am I supposed to be angry?". Growing up, they probably didn't have someone that they could emotionally confide in or even worse, they could've been punished for showing their emotions. I've noticed a lot of Aquarius Moons have a detached sense of family, they could've been adopted or they just feel "different", they could even look at themselves as the black sheep.

Positives: Can come up with creative solutions to problems, a great friend, nonjudgemental and open minded when it comes to others and their life experiences.

Moon square Pluto: This placement could've been the victim of abuse, especially from their mother. Their mothers could have struggled with mental illness and unfortunately these natives could've been the scapegoat and received the backend. Their mothers could be careless one second and the next they could become obsessive; the obsessiveness usually shows when the native leaves home and creates space between them. This leads to distrust in people, women especially. Moon square Pluto people cling onto any sense of control because they grew up in utter chaos. Unfortunately, these people can deem self destructiveness as "normal" since it was what they knew throughout their whole childhood.

Positives: If these people conquer the negative traits brought on by this aspect, they could become great psychiatrists or therapists. These people are devoted and loyal.

Moon square Saturn: This placement could've struggled with feeling unsafe in childhood; like they couldn't count on their parents. Their mothers were less affectionate than normal and they didn't receive the comfort that they needed, which leads them to being uncomfortable with affection in adulthood. They probably went through some tough changes in childhood which is why they loathe change as an adult. This placement could've felt like they had to parent their parent, specifically their mother. And their mothers could've vented to them about problems that they had no business hearing, cutting their childhood short. Their mothers could go to them for advice a lot of times. They could've felt like a burden growing up, usually an emotional burden but more likely a financial burden.

Positives: Strives to become successful, these people are independent and self sufficient.

Virgo Venus: Virgo Venus isn't too bad but can make a native struggle with self esteem issues. I put this on my list because these people attract lovers that need fixing. Venus in Virgo love to fix people and make them "better". The people they're trying to fix could be toxic and destructive; the "bad boys/girls". But having their partner in focus and ignoring their own needs makes them resentful after awhile. I've noticed this placement attracts creeps and stalkers as well because they have a vibe of innocence and purity. In love, they can grow to be very demanding and make their partners feel inadequate in the process. They also get the ick quite easily, meaning its easy to turn them off.

Positives: Is reliable in love, a lady in the streets freak in the sheets type, definitely someone you want to bring home to your family, will take care of you.

Venus in the 8th house: Venus in the 8th house natives tend to be possessive and jealous in love. It's not that they view their partners as property (they can but this placement alone doesn't indicate that imo), they are just extremely loyal and expect their partner to be as well. From my experience, Venus in the 8th house people are ready to give it all up for someone they love. They want to merge and become one with their partner. Their intensity comes from a good place but once a relationships ends, it can be very very painful for them. Love and relationships trigger transformations for these people and sometimes triggers transformations in their partners. They come out of relationships a stronger and better version of themselves but this is usually achieved through heartache. This placement also has a real fear of abandonment and will stay in toxic relationships for this reason.

Positives: Loyal and devoted in love, is a ride or die person. They are very alluring and magnetic. Not easily forgotten.

Venus in the 12th house: I believe these natives are too good for the world. I say this because, like 8th house Venus, they are ready to give it all up for love. Venus in the 12th house is self sacrificial to a fault, oftentimes neglecting themselves in relationships. Love can bring subconscious pain to the forefront, attracting lovers that make them face hidden problems they hold within themselves. Venus being in the house of the hidden, it's not uncommon for these individuals to be the "other woman/man" or be in secret relationships for whatever reason. They can be easily manipulated and taken advantage of since they're hopeless romantics. This can lead to them having to regulate how much love they have for someone; they'll hold back their feelings and needs in fear of being naive and walked on.

Positives: They love people genuinely and whole heartedly, they see the best in their partners, they form deep connections in love.

Venus square/opposite Saturn: These natives may have grown up in an environment that lacked physical affection. This creates a person that is uncomfortable in love and becomes very regulated with how they express their emotions. They may be inherently insecure when they're young which creates doubt around being loved; they're prone to thoughts like "why would anyone love me?" which then creates trust issues. These people also struggle with self-love, they have feelings of inadequacy and compare themselves to others a lot. Since they have low self esteem, they often attract partners that treat them badly and the worst part is they think they deserve it. These people aren't fans of PDA or physical touch and often express love through gift giving or acts of service.

Positives: Self sufficient, usually has a "glow up" later in life, once this placement is conquered (could be the second half of life) they are unstoppable and have so much love for themselves.

Mars in 4th, 8th, 12th house: Mars doesn't feel very comfortable in water houses, this is especially true if the native has a lot of squares and oppositions to their Mars or water house lord. Mars ignites the emotional watery nature of the houses which can lead to sudden outbursts. Mars in the 4th house natives could have dealt with a prominent mother who dominated the household (4th house). This could indicate that a father figure was absent or estranged. Either that, or his role was weak compared to the mothers. Mars in the 4th house could also signify an aggressive mother and hostile home environment. Mars in the 8th house natives experience extreme emotions a lot of the time, this can include anger, obsession, and jealousy. Since Mars is in the 8th house of transformations, you can expect these people to go through many many painful changes in their life because Mars here speeds things up. These natives are prone to accidents involving vehicles, tools, gym equipment, etc. so watch out for transits! Mars in the 12th house could suppress their martian traits; sexuality, motivation and anger... or it could be the opposite, they could become addicted to sex and have a wicked temper, depending on the sign and aspects. Trauma related to sexuality and the inability to stick up for oneself could be prevalent here as well, or they could be downright violent towards others. These people can either lack motivation or become extremely restless. They also probably have crazy vivid dreams and aggressive hidden enemies.

Side Note: Mars in water houses can either be horrible or not so bad, it really depends on the rest of the chart. I included this because the negatives can be extreme.

Mars square/opposite Pluto: These natives usually had a childhood filled with violence and witnessed a lot of strong emotional outbursts. This makes the native think that reacting aggressively or even violently is normal. They could've been abused by their peers, siblings or parents. As they grow up, physical violence, fights, and anger issues could arise. They can get offended really easily and people just assume they're picking fights. Has a lot of physical energy that can manifest as aggression.

Positives: If they channel their energy correctly, they could become talented athletes. Has enough energy to meet their goals and then some.

Saturn in the 1st house: These people have had it hard since childhood. These natives struggle to be comfortable within themselves due to being surrounded by critical people and even being bullied growing up. The judgmental voices they grew up listening to becomes the voice within. They could struggle with body dysmorphia and have deep rooted insecurities. They are confused within themselves and their insecurity could make them miss a lot of great opportunities.

Positives: These people often have a deep sense of responsibility and can be very successful in their career, depending on the rest of the chart.

Saturn in the 7th house: Saturn, the planet of restriction and blockages, sitting on the 7th house of partnerships can make a native go through a lot of trial and error when it comes to one on one relationships. These people could be shy and fear intimacy due to their self esteem especially when they're young. Since Saturn is very karmic in nature, these people could attract toxic relationships or partners that don't fit well with them in order to learn necessary lessons. These people should be careful of going into business with people and also should be careful of divorce settlements (sign that prenup!)

Positives: After Saturn return, these natives will finally meet an adequate partner and since the universe put them through trial and error, they'll be ready for it. Has meaningful life long friendships.

Chiron opposite ASC/Chiron in the 7th house: These peoples' lessons come in the form of lovers. Betrayal, deceit, heartbreak, and infidelity can make their way into these natives lives. It doesn't have to be those themes although it can be. Depending on the sign of your 7th house, those are the themes that'll teach you the lessons and open up old wounds. For example: Leo in the 7th house (Aquarius rising) you may attract and deal with partners who, worst case scenario, are selfish, egotistical, and want everything to revolve around them. This could trigger your childhood in which your parents fought with each other and forgot about you in the process. Another example is Aries descendent (Libra rising) you may deal with partners who are aggressive, dominating, and maybe even violent. This could trigger old wounds from childhood: maybe you lived in a home where domestic violence was prevalent. You get the idea.

Positives: You're not doomed in love by the way, it's just 7th house signs and their themes that will show up throughout your life. The examples I used were pretty extreme to get the point across. The positive here is that most of the time, the themes are much more discreet. For the 7th house Chiron in Leo example I used, it could be that your partner is self centered and you recognize and treat this. Could be an easy lesson learned (well it better be because if not it's gonna keep showing up).

Chiron in the 11th house: Chiron in the 11th house is a placement I personally have using Placidus. These natives never feel like they fit in, they feel like they're looked at as the outcast, like they don't belong. This is usually the consequences of being bullied as a child and made to feel less than. These people could go through a hard time in life where they have no friends and feel like they have no one to turn to. Loneliness could be a prominent theme in their lives especially when they're young. Chiron in the 11th house would rather have one on one connections than be part of a friend group.

Positives: Could be an advocate for people sharing similar experiences, knows how to be a good friend, values friendships and knows how to be alone.

Chiron conjunct Pluto: I have this one! I've noticed that certain painful experiences; death, heartache, betrayal, rejection affect me SO much. Growing up my mom would just brush these things off and say that they're a part of life. But to me, these things would happen and I would grow to fear them immensely. For example; my grandmother who I was super close to passed away when I was 17 and ever since then I've been terrified of my parents dying. Painful experiences really change people with this aspect, for better or for worse.

Positives: These people are forced to confront their deepest fears which in turn makes them stronger. They have the power to transform themselves after traumatic events.

Lilith in the 1st house: Lilith is the exact opposite of what "women should be" which rubs people, men specifically, the wrong way. It also rubs older generations the wrong way or whoever believes in traditional gender roles. Here in the 1st house, these natives embody Lilith which, you guessed it, rubs people the wrong way. They usually have trauma related to males trying to put them down or put them in their place, even as a child. Growing up, adult women could talk about them negatively as well. Everywhere they go, there's people that look at them sideways; they're either disgusted or intrigued. They often experience people hating them for "no reason". The real reason for this reaction is because they make people feel threatened just by being. They were also sexualized from a young age and could've had older people, mostly men, commenting on their bodies.

Positives: Extremely magnetic and alluring, blessed with beauty, intense aura and presence, always gets what they want.

Lilith in the 10th house: Similar to Lilith in the 1st house, these natives have a tendency to set people off just by being themselves. This creates a lot of disturbance in the workplace; people either love them or hate them but either way their reaction to them is extreme. Male authority can either sexualize them or belittle them making the workplace uncomfortable. Lilith being Lilith here, they may use this power to their advantage and climb the ranks so to speak. Rumors about them swirl around the workplace because people are just obsessed.

Positives: Strong people, very attractive, can use their good looks to their advantage, will grow to be a boss.

18° in Personal Planets/1st house/6th house/8th house: 18° is the shadow side of Virgo. Having this degree could indicate serious illness, tragedy, and critical misfortunes playing a role in your life. This doesn't have to be the native themselves experiencing these things, but it will affect them whether that be through family, a partner, friendships, etc.

Positives: I feel like this could be true but not always so if you have this degree anywhere you're most likely safe. But then again you might not be. Good luck. :)

🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿

I'm definitely forgetting a bajillion placements but it's all so negative so I'm going to end here. I'm not trying to be negative I'm just shining a light on certain placements because they're fucking hard to deal with!!!

To the people that say no placement is bad or negative: how does it feel to have rainbows and sunshine shooting out of your fucking ass?! Be forreal.

Life is hard, we all know that. How could we appreciate the fortunes if we didn't have misfortunes? For all the negative there will be positive too. Here's to all of us and our shitty fucking placements 🎉

[a-little-revolution]

heya, this might be too much for a single post, but i would delight in a ramble about the overlap between dwarfism and disability (whether or not you/the community as a whole generally consider it a capital-D Disability or if theres more nuance like with the autism or HOH/Deaf communities where it just Is and folks feel the the struggles with outgroup folks are like, culture clashes, or perhaps a secret third thing?)

similarly, id love for a ramble on the overlap between dwarfism and queerness, especially The Genders. i have ehlers-danlos syndrome and theres a huge number of us who are trans or nonbinary, to the point where masculinizing hrt is (anecdotally) understood to be a bit of a treatment for some symptoms. i know theres a lot of overlap between queerness and disability as a whole, but so far the couple of artists with dwarfism ive found and followed are all some flavor of trans or nonbinary, so id love to know if thats as common of a thing in your community as it is in mine

dwarfism is for sure underrepresented in discussion about both disability and queerness, and as a disabled queer person they are so intertwined in my head, and im forever curious about other folks experiences so your thoughts are appreciated!

Hello!! I love these questions!!

Firstly, yes, I do identify as being both a little person and disabled, but that isn't the case for everyone with dwarfism. Though dwarfism falls under the classification of a physical disability, not all little people find it physically debilitating. For me, my Achondroplasia dwarfism has resulted in sleep apnea, arthritis, chronic pain, hearing loss, limited mobility and dexterity. I cannot walk long distances and I use multiple moblility aids (wheelchair for long distance, rollator most of the time, and cane for short distances or around the house). My disability is dynamic, meaning that my ability changes day to day depending on pain levels, spoons (unit of measure for disabled energy), and activity.

Being that I am both a little person AND noticeably disabled, I have experienced ableism within both the abled community and the LP community, which is something I don't often talk about. I've been in situations where I feel alienated from my own community - additionally for my queerness. When you exist at the intersection of as many things as I do, you experience many flavours of ignorance and discrimination from the very people who should accept you.

That being said, I have also had the privilege of meeting other little people who are trans, queer, and nonbinary like I am. Our community is incredibly diverse, but spread along the globe. It is easy to feel a profound isolation, but the internet has provided me with a means of connection which I greatly appreciate.

Disability and queerness is something I discuss in depth in my public speaking roles, as I deeply value intersectionality in education and activism (I hope to share some of my talks as I record them in the future!).

I am forever painful aware that ableism is alive and will within the queer community - even when "all are welcome", we are still an after thought. I really urge my fellow queers to think beyond our own community to bipoc and disabled folks, otherwise you're really just dipping your toes into radicalism. Read more books by black disabled trans women of colour, and expand your thinking. (Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk lol)

I can't really speak to hate from the other direction, as all of the disabled folks I know on a personal level are also queer. Though I will say that I certainly receive queer-phobia from older (white) disabled folks - in my experience, when white folks become disabled with age and have not faced any other injustice in their life, they can be very hateful.

This has been quite a post, so I hope I've answered your questions in full! I would be happy to discuss it more if not/answer other related questions! Thank you so much!

Elliot (they/them)

[derfpossessions]

Rented You Out - Part 2

(Read Part 1 if you haven’t already!)

Chapter 1 - Exposed

Moments after Markus got ejected from Denholm’s body, he got up and got dressed with the extra clothes he brought. He then got Denholm dressed too. He got very curious on the switch behind his back, which was currently on “on”. He then flipped it back up, where all of a sudden Denholm started breathing. The rip on his back was also completely gone. He was human again. Markus saw this as an opportunity to escape Denholm’s house, when suddenly he woke up. “Ma..Markus??? Wha..what are you doing here??”, Denholm said while breathing heavily. Markus didn’t moved a single muscle. He didn’t even wanted to turn around as he was going to open the door. “Markus hold on! Why do I feel… tired.. like my insides hurt so bad…” Denholm added. Again, Markus didn’t say a word. “Markus I knew you did something to me. What did you do?! Markus!” Denholm got increasingly angry. Markus finally turned around and screamed, “You were turned into a goddamn suit! You got kidnapped and got abused by a group of men and left you at the gym where I discovered you and then you became a literal bodysuit so I decided to put you on for a day so I can spend time more closer to you!” Markus abruptly said everything that happened. Denholm was stunned. “What?!?” He stood up. “Look at your back! It has a switch in it! If you turn it on, you’ll lose consciousness and become a bodysuit that anyone can control!” Markus started explaining how it worked. Denholm was more shocked to see the lustful selfies that Markus took on his phone which he forgot to delete. “Bro listen… I’m tired of all the bullshit I’m going through right now so please. How do I fix this??” Denholm begged Markus. The two got more tense and Markus was put under pressure. “Why is this my fault?! All that you should know is that I was the one who discovered you! Who saved you! Who covered up a story for you! And I did that ALL for you because I love you!” Markus started tearing up, and he walked away. “Markus please.. don’t leave me. I know you love me but I love someone else.. but please. Don’t leave me here.” Denholm begged Markus to stay. Markus reluctantly agreed. Time flew by and the two started discussing on how to handle the situation, then something else came up to the discussion, Denholm’s father. He is currently in pain right now and is suffering from a severe chronic disease, and Denholm doesn’t know how long he will last. His family is also running low on funds to sustain his father. Markus then jokingly said, “since we have you as a bodysuit, why not we turn that into a rental? Like someone would try to live your life in exchange for money.” “Are you crazy? That would of course violate me!” Denholm got mad. “Please trust me, I will take good attention of your body while you’re not conscious. I promise. I will set out limitations for the people that will use you.” Markus tried to convince Denholm, to which he said, “Well if that’s the only way… so be it.”

Chapter 2 - Mr Denholm

The next day has passed, Paula and Denholm went to school together as usual. Markus waited for Denholm so they can set out their plan. Conveniently and inconveniently, their teacher, Mr Singh was walking around the halls when he overheard the two’s conversation. He confronted the two of them and asked, “What in the blackmarket is going on here?!”. Markus said, “But.. its true.. You can live through as Denholm because he has the ability to turn into a suit..”. “Please, don’t expose us!”, Denholm begged.

Mr Singh then grinned. “Expose? Well I think you got the wrong idea. Actually I NEED to live someone else’s life! This is a wonderful idea to have!” Markus and Denholm were in shock. “In fact, allow me to be your very first customer. I really wanted to know what it feels to go back to high school. Especially as a popular boy like you.” Mr Singh said.

At the school’s boys shower room, the three initiated their plan. “Are you ready Denholm?”, Markus held his best friend’s hand. “Yes. All for my dad. Take care of me bro.”, Denholm surrendered to his fate. Denholm got undressed and wore only a bathroom towel as Mr Singh got prepared.

“Just turn on the switch and start wearing inside him. Legs first then up to head.” Markus explained. Mr Singh went to the other room and got undressed. Denholm was turned around. “Ready when you are”, Denholm said. Mr Singh switched it on. Denholm was a suit again.

There was minimal sound when it happened, so Markus assumed it was going very well and smooth. After around 5 minutes, a new Denholm emerged from the other room, wearing teacher’s clothes.

He was just looking at Markus while chuckling. “De..Denholm? What happened?” Asked Markus. “No. it’s Mr Singh.”, “Denholm” replied. Markus’ heart sank as he saw Denholm looking like a hot math teacher. “Woah… sir.. you look attractive..” Markus was in awe. “Don’t call me sir, that’s awkward! Just call me Denny! I’ll be your bro for the day!”, said Mr Denholm. Markus nodded and whispered to himself, “Damn. Daddy got more daddified?! What in the actual fuck?!?”

Chapter 3 - Youth in You

Mr Singh was filled with ecstasy at that time. He didn’t know where to start, if he wanted to ace a math test, play at the football field, get cheered by his co workers at the faculty, or make fun of the students that he hated. You name it.

“I am so grateful for this Markus. I’m feeling SOOO ALIVEEEE!!” Mr Singh or Denny said as the two walked down the hallway.

“Umm… Mr Singh-erm- Denny, it’s just weird to hear my friend say that, considering that he always feels down.” Markus felt like he was always missing something from Denholm.

“What?? But I’ve always seen this kid as the happiest man alive! And who would’ve thought I would ever see the world through these eyes!” Denny said while admiring Denholm’s body.

“Well you wouldn’t get it sir. If only you witnessed the time when he told me that he didn’t wanted to live his life AT ALL. It’s always the people that seem happy who actually feels miserable in their lives.” Markus was sad.

“Geez… that’s really awful to hear. I’m sorry if I was insensitive about it. I wish I could hug your best friend right now to comfort him.” Denny stopped smiling and turned very serious.

“I mean… can I hug you sir?? Or him..” Markus was about to tear up.

Denny opened his arms to hug Markus. “It’s okay, come here. Rub it in.” Markus embraced Denny’s body.

“May I ask why… are you crying??” Denny wondered.

“Well… um… I love him. I love Denholm.” Markus confessed to Mr Singh.

“Oh-ohh… that’s really.. that makes a lot of sense now.” Denny was shocked.

Without a warning when Denny turned around, Markus grabbed him and kissed him on the lips. Denny hesitated and pushed him away.

“Markus what the fuck?!? Why did you do that?!” Denny was bewildered.

“I’m sorry!! I’ve been wanting to do that to him for a long time! But the rejection hurts too much!” Markus was desperate.

“Well Markus let me tell you something, you are a GOOD kisser.” Denny was impressed. “I know you’re hurt and all, but what about you forget about all that and let’s have a little bit of… fun”, He added.

“What the fuck? Sir! This is wrong! You’re violating my friend! I’m violating my friend!”

“Well, the contract stated I could do ANYTHING I WANT. So come here to my classroom before I change my mind.” Denny was pissed but maintained his seductiveness. Markus had no choice but to submit to him. Denny then grabbed him into the Math classroom to have a little fun time.

Chapter 4 - Stuck With You

The tension between Markus and Denny increased, as Denny closes the classroom doors and turns off the lights. He then proceeds to take his shirt off.

“Have you ever wondered what you and Denholm would’ve been if he was actually gay?”, Denny flirted with Markus.

“I think about that every night..”, Markus sighed.

“Well you don’t have to wonder now 🫦, Come here baby.” Denny started to move towards Markus. Markus felt mixed emotions as he indulges on Denny’s warm body.

Then, here comes the fun part. As Markus undresses to reveal his hardening 5.7 inches down under, Denny looked in awe. “Hard already? Let’s do it.” Denny then stripped to reveal his new rubbery 6.8 inches.

The room suddenly got sweaty, and suddenly Denny’s body shimmered in glimmering white. It was all so perfect, like a movie scene, something Markus would’ve longed for, and now he finally had it.

“Yes… yess.. YES!!” Markus started screaming. The pleasure was so good and it felt so real for him. He never been happier in his life until that moment. The chalkboards rocked as the two slammed each other against the wall, sharing a sweet long kiss as the both of them felt each other. It was a goddamn fever dream.

Then, came the loads. “Hey stop! Don’t we need protection??!”, Markus stood up from the floor. “Why the fuck do we even need that?! This is a rubber dick!”, Denny laughed, then pulled Markus to the ground. Denny couldn’t resist it but to release massive amounts of load. Denny then inserted the huge thing into Markus, and the silicone-like texture made it more pleasurable for Markus.

The creams came pouring down, and that’s when Markus felt like he was drowning, but that’s when he could finally breathe. It was too good to be true. Well you know what else is too good to be true? NOT GETTING CAUGHT.

Suddenly, students from outside heard the blunt noises that were coming from the classroom, and knocked to see if something was up.

“What the fuck do we do?!?” Markus whispered.

“Go clean up the mess! I’ll assure them everything is FINE!” Denny said while wiping off the cream on the walls. The two got to work.

Denny opened the door and saw Denholm’s friend, and the student council Vice President, Sabrina. “Bro, what’s happening in there?” Sabrina looked at him weirdly as she noticed that Denholm looked and stood very oddly.

“Hey Sabrina, it’s nothing! I was just substituting for Mr Singh’s class and decided I would lock myself in the room to prepare!” Denny smiled.

“And the screams? I’m sure that was also part of the practice?” Sabrina looked in disgust.

“Well, I was raging over something that’s all. Say, why not you do me a favor and go to the faculty to pick up my stuff for class.” Denny redirected the question.

“YOUR stuff? Seriously dude what the hell is up with you today? You didn’t showed up to the council meeting this lunch and now I’m put in trouble because of some random screamings that came from this room!” Sabrina was mad.

“Well I’m sorry, I’ll promise I’ll make it up to you.” Denny apologized. She walked away as Markus appeared behind Denny’s back. Denny went to the window to have a talk with Markus.

“There’s no screamings, but there IS creamings.” Markus joked. The two laughed uncontrollably.

“I enjoyed it while it lasted, but sadly things need to come to and end.”, said Denny.

“You should spend the rest of the time hanging out with people. Trust me Denholm literally gets along with everyone. He makes everyone feel special.” Markus said.

“Ok, I’ll meet you later at the parking lot. And I promise, I’ll bring him back in one piece.” said Denny. The two then had one last kiss before Denny said goodbye.

Chapter 5 - Sweet Goodbye

As Markus pulled up to Denholm’s house, it was all set. It was time for Denholm to return.

“Are you ready Mr Singh?” Markus asked.

“Well I am gonna miss being this kid. He’s all I ever wanted to be.” Denny said as he looked into Denholm’s reflection and felt his body one last time.

“Here it goes. Goodbye.” Markus said. Mr Singh unzipped Denholm’s body and went out. Then, Markus turned off the switch. Everything is now back to normal. Mr Singh then bid farewell to Markus to head home.

“See you tomorrow, kid. Calculus homework is due.”, said Mr Singh.

“Markus.. is that you?” Denholm mumbled as he tried getting up from the ground.

“Denholm… I- I’m…” Markus couldn’t finish his sentence.

“Why.. why does my arms hurt so bad… And it felt like I pulled my groin… Argh… it hurts.” Denholm struggled to walk.

“Well.. nothing happened I promise!” Markus was shaking.

“That’s good to hear, you should get going now. Thank you so much bro.” Denholm hugged Markus as he left.

“Well, at least the real you is still kind to me. But I know all I’ll ever get is a hug.” Markus whispered as he walked away from Denholm’s place.

[its-hazzia]

Okay I need to spell out my thoughts about the Luigi Mangione stuff goin on

I am not at all convinced he did it. And not in a "no way he and I were hanging out that day at that time in Panama" way either, even though we totally were but that's besides the point.

So I've seen other people discuss how it doesn't make sense for someone who had thought out and executed a plan for the murder AND escape so flawlessly, only to be caught with all that incriminating evidence in-hand a week later at a McDonalds in another state, which is obviously kinda a huge deal, but I have further thoughts on what's going on.

So Luigi does indeed look like the Starbucks security footage, and it does seem that he had used a fake ID to stay in the hostel (assuming it was him in the hostel to begin with, and I only say this out of an assumption that the hostel verified the ID used and that we're not just taking the police's word for it, but it'd also just be easier for the police to be like "yeah he used his real actual ID and that's how we got him" so I'm fairly confident about a fake ID being used). We know that he had been missing for months ahead of time, and we know that he had been suffering from chronic back pain prior to a spinal surgery.

Why don't I think he did it? Well aside from the questionable legitimacy of the "evidence" he was found with, after that Starbucks photo came out, EVERYBODY was immediately like "that looks nothing like the shooter". Sure, you can add a change of clothes and people have pointed out that the unibrow can disappear on grainy footage, but from what else you can see of the face, it does not look the same. Once again you could chalk it up to poor image quality... but then how can you match an identity in the first place?? The NYPD have never come out with any good justification as to WHY they thought the guy on the starbucks camera was thought to be the shooter. It wasn't even the same damn jacket! In my opinion, in their frenzy to not look completely incompetent and catch The Guy, they were just throwing everything they could and were ready to go all-in on framing investigating Literally Anyone that could function as a reasonable scapegoat.

"But his profile and circumstances really line up to make it look like he was radicalized by his pain and Absconded to Do a Murder!"

While this is a good point on a surface level, I'm not convinced that it lines up the way this narrative is playing it, and I think the NYPD just got really lucky with this scapegoat.

"His Back Pain Radicalized Him": HE HAD HIS BACK SURGERY, AND MADE A FULL RECOVERY. He wasn't denied by his insurance - and according to a post he made on reddit, he was completely off pain meds a week after! All things considered, the insurance worked out pretty damn well for him! Oh yeah and HE HAD BLUE CROSS BLUE SHIELD

"Then Why Did He Go Missing?": Think about it. He was an upper class kid who had been crippled by back pain for a significant portion of what should have been his fun years. I don't think anyone has to stretch their imagination to think that maybe he'd fuck off somewhere on his own to reclaim that lost time? Just, source a fake ID so your family doesn't find you, hopping from town to town in budget-friendly accomodations and happening to be in NYC when A Guy gets shot (crazy). Sure, kind of a dick move to just not tell anyone what he was planning to do, but we don't know what his relationships with his family were like, nor do any of us know him personally as to what he would and wouldn't do, no matter how many news articles of what kind of guy he is come out.

So really, which is more likely:

The Adjuster was a guy that was radicalized after the healthcare system, under a different provider, worked for him, after which he planned out a meticulous murder + escape plan only to effectively give himself up a week later?

OR

The incompetent undewfunded and ovewwowked uwu NYPD was desperate to not look like complete fucking idiots regarding such a high profile case in their jurisdiction, but because they never learned how to do their fucking jobs wewe just sooo undewfunded and ovewwowked uwu they just threw a bunch of shit at the wall until something stuck and happened to get lucky that the guy they found happened to have been A) a missing person and B) Had A Serious Medical Thing At Some Point

[butchpeace]

Pelvic Floor Health for Detrans Women

A disclaimer before we start: I am not a doctor, a PT, or an expert of any kind, I just noticed there was a lack of information about pelvic floor health in the detrans (and trans) communities and I wanted to compile the information that I’ve gained. If there are any issues or you have any wisdom to share, please DM me! I plan to add to this post and edit it over time as I learn more.

95% of females who have been on testosterone report pelvic health issues, which can include urinary leakage or retention, bladder pain, difficulty emptying the bladder, general pelvic pain, pain with sex, vaginal dryness, vaginal atrophy, vaginismus, anal issues, and more. (Source)

Here’s a discussion with a pelvic floor expert on the issues faced by females who have been on testosterone.

If you’ve experienced any of these problems, you’re not alone, and there are things you can do!

Vaginal Atrophy

The vast majority of detransitioning women (and females who are transitioning) have vaginal atrophy, which is a thinning and weakening of the tissues that line the vaginal wall. Atrophy can lead to pain during sex, or with regular movement, bleeding due to small tears in the vaginal lining, narrowing of the vaginal canal, urinary issues, and more.

Because testosterone affects our ovaries, we can think of this issue as something similar to GSM (Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause). Many of our symptoms mirror what happens to women as they age and their estrogen production decreases.

Treatments for Atrophy

1. Vaginal estrogen comes in the form of creams, suppositories, and insertable rings.

2. Vitamin E suppositories have been found to be as effective as vaginal estrogen in some studies. (Source)

3. Sea Buckthorn oil capsules have been shown to be effective in vaginal health. (Source)

4. Regular sexual activity can help by filling the vaginal wall tissues with blood, which can help to revitalize those tissues.

There are also many options for dryness, including vaginal moisturizers, aloe, coconut oil, and more. Sometimes the simplest natural options can be the most effective! Always talk to your gynecologist and do your own research on products you’re considering buying and make sure the ingredients are safe. Some people may experience yeast infections and other issues when using certain products.

Vaginal atrophy itself is to blame in many cases for the urinary symptoms that many of us report, and treating the atrophy may be all that’s needed in order to improve the urinary symptoms.

In other cases, we also need to look at overall pelvic floor health. I would argue that taking care of your pelvic floor is essential for any woman at any stage of life, since it can help with so many things!

Pelvic Floor Muscle Issues

Pelvic floor health issues can be divided into 2 types - Hypotonicity and Hypertonicity. Both types can lead to bladder issues, among other things.

Hypotonicity is the classic type many women experience after having children or during menopause. It’s also described as having a weak pelvic floor, and kegels are often the best treatment. The YouTube playlist at the end of this post includes videos for beginner and advanced kegel exercise methods and yoga.

Hypertonicity is the opposite type, where the pelvic muscles are chronically tight. For this, the treatment is to use muscle release methods to relax the pelvic floor. Remember - Relaxed muscles are the best at doing their job.

Anxiety can also be a factor in hypertonicity! If you’re often anxious, get used to checking how that feels in your pelvic floor. Many young women experience bladder leakage or discomfort, feeling like you have to go when you don’t, or pain with sexual activity, due to anxiety which causes overly tight muscles.

You wouldn’t think at first that Hypertonicity could lead to urinary symptoms like leakage, but when your muscles are overly tight, they just don’t work the way they should.

Sitting a lot and generally not getting much exercise also causes muscles in the pelvic floor, hips, and hamstrings to tighten and become shorter, so stretching these areas is very helpful.

And when you have a urinary issue, or you’re dealing with the aftermath of childbirth, surgery, or any other medical trauma to the pelvic floor, there can be a tendency to reflexively tighten your muscles all the time, for fear of what might happen if you don’t. Some people with hypertonicity also experience their symptoms getting worse if they do a lot of kegel exercise. In these situations, kegels can become counterintuitive.

That said, using methods to address both types can be the best option for some people. As long as you listen to your body, keep track of how each method makes you feel, and talk with a doctor or pelvic floor PT if you have serious concerns or don’t understand how to do something, you should be able to figure out something that will help!

Vaginismus is also a very common condition that’s connected to hypertonicity and potential mental causes. You’ll know you have Vaginismus if you’ve always had trouble inserting things into your vagina, or if your partner has had trouble with it. Many women describe it as a sensation of the vagina closing up when faced with something trying to get in. You may find that at certain times or with certain objects, you have no problem, and at other times or with other objects, you do. Stretches and massages for hypertonicity can often help with Vaginismus.

Prolapse is a relatively common issue in women who have had kids and older women in menopause. This can also cause urinary symptoms. The incidence of pelvic floor prolapse in females on testosterone is not known, but due to atrophy weakening the walls of the vagina, it’s possible that testosterone will increase your risk. It’s also more common in people who have had a hysterectomy.

Tools

1. Vaginal dilators can be helpful for people who have trouble with Vaginismus or feel like their vagina is small. These are also helpful for people who have difficulty inserting fingers

2. A pelvic wand or vibrator can help you with massage to loosen muscles, if needed

4. Kegel trainers come in various types and can help you perform kegels more effectively if you know that your issue is hypotoniticy

5. Pessaries can help in cases where atrophy has led to pelvic floor prolapse. Make sure you get diagnosed before using one!

6. Your hands! Don’t underestimate the power of using your hands for external or internal massage

The biggest thing to take away from this post is this - Don’t be afraid of your vagina or pelvic floor! Don’t be afraid to try things that may help you improve whatever issues you’re having.

Your vagina is a normal part of your body, and especially when you’re experiencing issues, that’s when it’s time to really learn about it and understand what’s going on. If you’re anything like me, you’ve gone your whole life being too afraid or too uninformed to do certain things or explore your body in certain ways. We need to reduce the fear, stigma, and awkwardness of vaginal and pelvic floor issues, and the first step is to get to know your body. 💪

Exercises

I’ve put together a playlist of YouTube videos that have helped me in this process, which I will continue to add to. I hope they help you too!

And again, please DM me with any information you think is helpful or stories about what worked for you.

And if you’re a medical professional, I would love for you to review this post and suggest edits or additions.

Please share this with all your friends! My intention is for this to be a community resource we can use to spread awareness✌🏼

[the-astrophel-system]

Why Alters Are All You, & The Formation Of DID

Tw for talk of abuse (implications to different types), trauma, unsafe caregivers, trauma responses, homophobia, and brief talk of death. We're talking about the formation of DID, childhood trauma, please be cautious if you continue.

Let's discuss what people say is the basics of Dissociative Identity Disorder, its formation. The current leading theory is the Theory of Structural Dissociation (ToSD). Yes, we still need to know more about this disorder, but this is the current leading theory and was written by Ellert R. Nijenhuis, Kathy Steele, and Onno Van Der Hart. They took some research, ideas, and words from other authors and researchers, added their research and ideas, mixed it all together and presented us with the ToSD in their book: The Haunted Self.

Now, there are plenty of problems with the theory, and I know that Hart and other researchers you see in this field haven't been the best people. However, it is currently the leading theory. Colin A Ross spoke about numerous problems with the theory, but he even states that this theory is a significant contribution. While yes, it isn't perfect, and any scientific theory can and should be constantly improved on, its pretty damn good. What I understood from reading Ross' response, the understanding it gives us of DID is good, the issue is when it addresses other disorders, or lack there of. I will state, before going onto my point of the post, that Ross mentions that there is confusion of what counts as an emotional part (EP). In the sense of, how differentiated does an EP need to be, to count as a separate dissociated state?

I don't want to go into that all today, because I'm not a professional and cannot confirm what would count, at least in Ross' eyes.

What I want to talk about, is what the ToSD does give us, and why it explains that all parts/alters are You.

Now, I know I will get a lot of hate for this. So all I'll say is that: I'm willing to discuss this matter further, however I will not tolerate any insults, threats, belittlement, or any other kinds of hate. If you are mature, I'm open to discussion.

The ToSD states that everyone is born with ego states. These states are in charge of meeting specific needs. A child needs love, affection, food, comfort, sleep, etc etc. If a child is able to dissociate to a high level, has a disorganised attachment to their primary caregiver (which is inherently traumatic), and experiences repeated childhood trauma, they can potentially develop DID.

If a child experiences trauma, their brain is going to do its absolute best to protect them. They may fight, flight, or freeze (especially if it is repeated). Maybe all three. That child may subconsciously think that if they were a different gender, or a different age, or maybe if they were stronger or scarier, they could prevent this from happening to them. Maybe they felt like they deserved this pain, that they're an awful monster, or just a toy or an animal to their abusers. Maybe they just refused to accept this was happening to them because if it did, they would be dead.

Their brain will do anything it can to try and prevent and explain this trauma.

They may try to seek help from caregivers, but remember, in the case of DID, that child will have some kind of disorganised attachment. That child will not feel safe enough to tell them about this trauma, or if they do, they aren't supported in the way they need to heal and process. Maybe their caregivers are the source of this trauma, they have already tried to tell them to stop.

Nothing is working, this child is essentially trapped.

So, like I said earlier, this child's subconscious is working on overdrive and trying its absolute best to survive this. Dissociation is a very complex and extraordinary coping mechanism.

So the child pushes away the trauma, dissociating so chronically they disconnect to everything happening, and themselves. This dissociation is keeping those different ego states separated, preventing from them integrating during childhood. Instead, this dissociation basically creates amnesiac barries between each ego state. If that dissociation wasn't there, those states would try to integrate, but because some experienced trauma, they cannot harmoniously coexist. This is the differentiation between ANP's and EP's. ANP's (apparently normal parts) are the parts that are in charge of daily living, they are disconnected from any trauma. EP's (emotional parts) are the parts that remember or are connected to different traumas. EP's dont have to be emotional, it simply is to refer to the parts that are connected to trauma.

Anyway, mini ramble aside. ANP's and EP's are separated from each other, they still are aiming to meet certain needs for the child/person now. That's why it is so helpful or common for systems to catagorise alters into roles. Some parts are simply trauma responses, some exist to make friendships and connections, some have very specific roles/needs they meet, some alters exist to soothe, or protect, or whatever. They are still dissociated parts, aiming to meet needs.

All alters are still dissociated from each other, and some may believe they are the only one there, or the "original" because they are an ANP or host. Again there is not an "original" because the full personality was never whole to begin with. You started with different ego states, and you still are different ego states (obviously alters have grown and developed (but still not fully)).

So with that being understood, lets address the title of this post. All alters are You. Thinking about everything I have addressed for far, all alters are dissociated from each other, so what do you mean there can be a "You"? Again, I'm not talking about an "original", I'm talking about all aspects of the Self that is being dissociated from.

I used to find this fact absolutely ridiculous and hurtful and dismissing. But after starting to learn more about this disorder, working on self validation, and starting on trauma processing, it has made it so much easier to understand.

I, Virgil, am a part of Clem and Skye. Clem and Skye are parts of me. And this is the same for all alters. We are all different ego states that are dissociated from each other, from the Self.

So, what happens if we all fuse? And no, I'm not saying that's the only way to heal, I'm just trying to put this in perspective. If we all fuse, we would be dissociating so much less, we would be fused ego states and we'd create a fully formed and developed personality. We are all parts, and if we fuse, we create a whole.

A whole that we are no longer dissociating from. We will be the whole Self, the whole "You". We will not be dissociating from each other.

I cannot express this enough, fusions happen when you no longer need alters to be separated, they can exist harmoniously, they share emotions and thoughts and feelings and they are not dissociated from each other. There is no memory amnesia, or identity amnesia between them.

Again to clarify, all alters are dissociated ego states that grow and develop, and then if you all fuse, that is when the Self is no longer dissociated from. You'll finally be a complete You.

Another thing I want to address is differing opinions of alters. Let's use another hypothetical. Let's say you have like five different alters that are all queer in some way, but you have five that are cisgender and straight. Two of those cishet alters are homophobic and transphobic. So, if you all fuse, what will you identify as? While I cannot say anything for certain, I can take a big guess and say that no matter what you identify as, you may not be homophobic/transphobic. In this hypothetical, I'm assuming those alters have those beliefs because of things they experienced growing up. Internalised homophobia and all that. As you process trauma and become more accepting of yourself, and you fuse, I would guess those parts are no longer dissociated from that queer identity, whatever that identity may be.

I hope this makes sense. While alters can and do grow outside of trauma, those foundations are shaped because of the experiences of the child. Age, gender, opinions, personality, species, and even sexuality, can all be based and rooted in that trauma and experiences.

Healing from that trauma means reconnecting with the Self, whatever that looks like for you. It may not be the singlet persona many systems use, it may not be the host, it may be something different than what you originally thought. But it will be You and it will be right. It will be the Self that you've finally reconnected with.

Anyway, I think I've rambled enough. TLDR: all alters are You, and if you fuse, you will reconnect with the Self that was originally being dissociated from.

small edit: it is okay if you aren’t ready to accept alters and trauma. but that doesn't change the fact that you're all dissociated parts ✌️

[ladydeath-vanserra]

SJM + Eugenics + Ableism in her Writing

thinking about how insidious eugenics can come up in writing- specifically SJMs writing. Personally I take a lot with a grain of salt bec I don't think a lot of ppl realize how fucking deeply entrenched and rooted it is in everything and more often than not its not intentional

and to an extent I don't think it was intentional by SJM. she does have a degree of plausible deniability in her story telling

however that being said:

the Cauldron "pairing mates" has allusions to being a breeding program of some kind of supernatural predestined idiocy. Sam + Melissa on Tiktok have some pretty great videos on it

However, while they think that SJM is providing commentary on the matter, I do have a different view, not that I really disagree with what they're saying

SJM has a track record of using disabilities as an aesthetic for her characters. It's often a point of suffering and/or there ends up being a magical fix (yay fantasy eugenics providing miracle cures!!! /sarcasm)

Chaol, severely injured with a spinal cord injury that left him paralyzed goes to the super special healing place to have the world's bestest healers where the magical healing trope + black girl magic collide. He spends the whole book, a duration of only six months, regaining the ability to walk, with a cane most days. Chaol spends a large part of the book feeling sorry for himself and immasculting himself. Yerene, a professional trained healer who helps him with PT snaps at him in frustration to "just get up" when he's being difficult with her Note: some of these detailed may be incorrectly remembered + I never finished the book bec I can't stand him

Lucien: he gets his eye ripped out and is literally blinded but now he has a magical eye that is even better and can sense magic and spells and all that good shit

Rhys: chronic pain; never addressed

Azriel: scarred hands and wings, but so far we've seen no real struggle or accommodation of any kind or even a real discussion on how he had to learn how to fly at an older age due to his captivity and scarred wings

Cassian: his wings were beyond shredded but between books they got fixed up right as rain. it would have been fantastic rep for this decorated veteran and leader to be disabled, esp for a culture of warriors where flying is so crucial + where thr women are also forceably mutilated and can't fly either

speaking of the illyrian women

the Illyrian Women: not being able to fly and use their limbs is a disability. We have seen zero repercussions of Emeries father (and brother(?)) for disabling and mutilating his daughter

the mental health crisis of NESTA for ONE. in both the Fandom and in the series the grating toxic positivity and lack of patience and understanding and support and willingness to meet her halfway enraged me holy shit. The tone policing, the lack of autonomy, the unaddressed childhood trauma that has made Nesta the core of who she was. it was vile and disgusting

Aelin: quite frankly should have difficulty moving as fluidly as she does. she was whipped to ribbons and beaten bloody. Her back should be full of chronic pain and difficulty

Elide: as far as I'm aware Elide isn't too bad and she's incredibly intelligent and resourceful but it's been a hot minute since I've read the series. I do remember when they talked about it at the end about possibilities to heal her ankle (they couldn't)

I haven't read CC yet but I heard that LIMBS CAN GROW BACK???? sure let's just completely erase and magically fix imputations I guess?

I find it a lit harder to forgive "accidental eugenics" when her disabled characters disabilities are either made into Aesthetics, not properly addressed, or just healed all together

and when you pair magical eugenics + aesthetics:

You get Rhysand, the most powerful high lord of ever that you just have to keep being told is the most powerful high lord ever due to his parents being mates that his father whisked away from moments before she became mutilated like all the other Illyrian Women at 18 years old to a 900 year old man

you get his entire IC who is made of The Night Courts super special powerful clique who now happen to be the most powerful illyrian EVERRRR (Cassian + Azriel), Amren who was some trapped angel of death or something and Mor who is just so super powerful a mountain quaked or something when she was born

the entire IC is a concentrated powerhouse who also uses a specific mindset of "might is right"-

-and have forced others hands across the entire series or just outright lied and stole. also trespassing and routinely breaking laws but hey

Rowan, Aelin, Aedion, Dorian, Manon are all ToG Powerhouses. Rowan is described as the "most powerful full blooded fae male alive". there's an implication that human blood "weakens" fae traits and magical abilities [this is rather common in a lot of fantasy books]

every single character in this series is seen as some sort of extraordinary person with some sort of extraordinary power or ability aside from maybe a few. Hell Chaol, the only fully human character with no powers is the "Captian of the Guard" which he got bec he's a nepo baby from being Dorians friend. He gets disabled and they immediately go to get him fixed

tagging: @feynessupremacy @bookishfeylin @andramoreaux

I thought yall would appreciate

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for getting upset at my best friend for calling me a hoarder in passing?

My (29NB) best friend (also 29NB) have been going through major crises lately at the same time—we will call them Sun. So, yesterday, they sent me a text, when we weee talking about how they haven’t wanted to be over at my house for a while, mostly bc they don’t like my partner…although the subject was in discussion bc my partner and I are splitting up, and I will be living alone again in a couple months. At some point in this discussion, they mentioned the more pressing matter that’s caused them not to be over as much is that they are very allergic to one of my cats—but only the one I just adopted a couple years ago, they’ve had no allergy issues w the other one and they love her very much, she is their niece.

However, at one point, they mentioned that a few years ago, when I was using drugs a lot more irresponsibly than usual—to the point where I got injured from falling down the stairs—they had been speaking to my other close friends. Which is appreciated, and I knew about this already obviously since there was an intervention that happened around that time…the way they mentioned this was upsetting. Specifically, they mentioned that “they approached [other friend of mine] about my drug use bc they thought I was becoming a hoarder” and that MAJORLY triggered me—specifically the hoarder comment. The woman who gave birth to me/raised me is a hoarder, which is a well known fact to just about anyone who is close to me irl, especially anyone who’s known her irl, and ESPECIALLY Sun, who worked as her caregiver for quite a while. Also being compared to/told I am just like my abusive egg donor is the thing that will hurt me the most, bc she is the most cruel, manipulative, abusive people I’ve ever had in my life.

So the thing is, my house is indeed very messy…I have too much junk around, and it’s very difficult for me physically to keep anything clean. It’s actually one of the reasons I’m separating from my partner, and as ashamed as I am about it, I understand. However, it’s not a hoarding disorder at all—I don’t hold onto anything I don’t need out of sentimentality, and if I could wave a magic wand and simply get rid of all the extra shit I don’t need/make everything nice and clean, I would. Unfortunately, I am very disabled with too many chronic pain/fatigue conditions, and actually cleaning the house/sorting through shit to get rid of takes immense physical effort. But whenever someone offers to help me, I jump at those opportunities! I take things to be donated all the time (if I’m able to sort through the stuff that needs to go) and it’s entire worlds different than my egg donor refusing to give up several bins of my baby clothes bc she can’t bear to part with them, despite them never seeing use in her possession ever again.

So, I responded to Sun’s mention of a past conversation thinking I’m a hoarder, with offense and saying it hurt me. We had been discussing just downsizing and how we will be going through my stuff as we pack for the new place, and had mentioned that I should make sure to get rid of certain clothing things if they have holes/are worn out/whatever, which to me, sounded like they think I have a hard time throwing clothes away even if they’re not even wearable anymore. With that and the hoarding accusation in mind, I told them I was very hurt by this. I made sure to be respectful and kind yet assertive, but after explaining how this was an unfair assumption/description of me, they got upset and said I should’ve asked for clarification before coming at them.

Now, do me, I wouldn’t have even considered they meant anything other than how I interpreted it, so it would never have even occurred to me to ask for clarification if I’m not even aware there’s a miscommunication. Apparently, the reason they mentioned getting rid of clothes that have been too worn out is an issue they have themselves, but this isn’t anything I was ever aware of, and once again never would’ve thought was referring to anyone but me. They also say they’re aware that it’s my physical difficulties that make cleaning physically painful for me…but honestly, that’s not anywhere near the same as having a hoarding disorder, which is indeed what they’d accused me of.

Of course, I know the both of us overreacted—me, being offended about being accused of being a hoarder (especially since my immense difficulty cleaning the house is part of why I’m separating from my partner and is therefore something I’m incredibly sensitive about right now) and them, being offended that I took what they said wrong and being upset over some things they didn’t actually intend w what they said…but I’m just not sure if maybe I AM in the wrong here, for expressing being hurt by being called a hoarder here, or if I really am making the entire thing a big deal out of nothing.

So, AITA for voicing my offense at being called a hoarder?

What are these acronyms?

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

august 26, 2021 4:00 a.m. a balcony, somewhere

time somehow seems to simultaneously slow to a crawl and race beyond the speed of light. grant doesn’t remember when they’d ended up perched like lovebirds at the pinnacle of a staircase, peering out over the night-drenched landscape, but it must have been a while ago. customers have long since stopped streaming in and out of the restaurant on the street below.

he remembers in better detail the stream of their conversation–they’d shifted from food and a strangely peaceful, humorous discussion of kicking the bucket to movies, and at some point, paranormal stories came up along the way.

it’d be hard to forget talking to yunha.

there’s something curiously enrapturing about her, something that had drawn him to her when he first made eye-contact with her.

the look in her eyes, maybe. it’s piercing, like she’s baring right through your skin and into your soul, but not malicious or judgmental. it’s friendly, it’s curious, it’s playful.

the way she speaks, maybe. she’s the most engaged conversationalist he’s ever encountered. everything you say, whether she agrees or disagrees, is met with affirmations and a lot of nodding. yes, yes, of course. i see, i see. i understand. ohhh, wow! really?

she’s unraveling every shard of the puzzle that is his personality and piecing it back together in one whole picture, analyzing it. figuring it out. appreciating it.

or maybe it’s the sweetness that radiates off her. she appears unafraid to smile, instead all too happy to flash those pretty, crooked bunny teeth for the world to see.

“so, i'm going to guess you’re not accidentally good at singing.”

she seems not to mind revealing her own puzzle pieces either, and the more she says about herself, the more fascinated he is with her. with who she is. with what makes her tick.

“i hope it’s not an accident,” yunha replies, laughing, “because shit, then years worth of practice was a waste.”

“time enjoyed is never time wasted.”

the unabashed cringe of the line garners an immediate eye roll, but she still seems to find it funny.

they’ve definitely been sitting here a while. grant straightens his back, fixing his gradually slouching posture, and is is met with an immediate flash of pain, distinct from the chronic dull ache underlying every day of his life, that radiates down every vertebra.

“what got you into music, though?”

yunha’s rosy pink lips purse in thought as she dwells on the question.

“a lot of things. my parents like music. i listened to a lot of different kinds of songs my whole life, first with them, and then later with my friends. i had some time between classes and studying to spend having fun, but i couldn't spend any money, so my friends and i would go to this music store. we walked around and picked random albums to listen to on the headphones. we never bought anything.”

grant nods supportively. “what’s, like, the first album you remember really liking? or albums. you don’t have to pick one.”

“ah! i treasure so many albums. seo taiji and boys IV. i think that’s still my favorite nostalgic album ever. i also remember fondly, um, this girl’s in love with you by aretha franklin. i heard that at the music store, and i was so impressed by her talent. i still am.”

“i'm not a music expert. surprise! i know, i know, i'm sorry to tell you, i did not practice for centuries for that wonderful spice girls performance earlier. no, but seriously, i most often just listen to the same old emo stuff i liked when i was 13. so, unfortunately i don’t know the first album at all, at least not yet, but i do know the second one. you have fantastic taste, that’s a classic.”

despite his ignorance, yunha still smiles from ear to ear. “you should look up the first one! look up, like, seo taiji ‘come back home.’ that’s the most popular song on the album. i don’t wanna bias you, so listen on your own and make your own opinions.”

“wilco. and if you don’t mind me asking, how’d you turn the interest in music into a skill? you are talented, but i know it's very much a skill. it does take a lot of practice to become tangibly good at music.”

“to express myself,” yunha says plainly, “it’s easier to tell your story in art than talking about it, and singing is free. you don’t need supplies to learn it. but yes, i needed that kind of outlet, you know? i always liked singing, always did it, but i needed more than only entertainment from it over time.”

“oh yeah, art is helpful. i really should have gotten on that train earlier. i got on board about a year ago. it's much better for you than intellectualizing everything. or at least that's what i tend to do. do you perform, by the way? outside of karaoke, that is."

"sometimes. but also, not in a long time."

there falls a brief, but peaceful lull in the conversation. grant’s eyes draw to black night sky as he recalls the last haphazard art he’d created–the mushy-gushy attempt at processing the universe. seeing it hanging above him now, his thoughts are no less conflicting. light pollution washes out the shining sea of stars, but the sky still retains its beauty, its bewilderment. visible or not, an infinite chain of dimensions and celestial bodies exist in the vacuum of space, orbiting independent of him, yet factoring in the tiny fraction of his mass on the mass of the earth in their delicate ballerina dance across the fabric of spacetime.

the universe must have created me for some reason, for something other than anguish.

his own words. again. ever-present.

“i miss seeing the stars.” yunha’s buttery soft voice breaks his concentration. “you can’t see anything here.”

“polaris.” grant raises his left arm and draws his index finger across the sky until it hovers above the only star he’s seen thus far. “technically, that means we should be able to see sirius, too, but we don’t need to get all science-y and talk about magnitude and that polaris isn’t–”

“i would like it if you did.”

she was thinking of the stars, too.

synchronicity.

“aw shucks! well. i’ll say this, polaris isn’t the brightest star. we just talk about it way more frequently because it has the most cultural significance in the northern hemisphere for, you know, navigation reasons. but hey, give it about 12,000 more years, and it even won’t be the north star anymore. thank you, wobbly earth axis. but also boo, woobly earth axis, because it's a little sad to think about.”

yunha’s eyes glitter with fascination. “it’ll be something else?”

“yep! the next north star will be vega,” he explains, “come on down, you’re the next contestant!”

“maybe we’ll see it happen.”

“if my consciousness is still floating around as little dust particles, that’d be pretty sick. you know? forget fly me to the moon, fly me to vega. why not?”

“i don’t think i'll be dust,” yunha says, not missing a beat at all, even as her focus remains fixed on the faintest twinkle emanating from polaris, “it’s kind of troubling. you don’t want to be, like, stuck in the whole cycle of the universe, but if you’re still here, you can see some really beautiful things.”

“ah. reincarnation?”

“if you’re asking me, you’re not going to be dust. either you escape the suffering or you come back in some kind of physical form, human or not, and you try again.”

grant thinks about it for a moment. and then the feelings, like usual, spill out at once.

“i'm not going to lie, that idea has always given me the heebie-jeebies. i think it’s very cool as a concept, but i'm, like, man, i don’t want to do this shit again. also, look, we're doing the thing again. oh, and shit, that sounded judgmental. i just run my mouth too much."

"most people don't know they lived before. you can't really remember your other lives without a lot of study," she answers, "and no, you don't. i prefer to hear your real opinion. it's actually stupid when people tell you what they think you want to hear."

"do you ever wonder what you were up to last go-around?"

"not too much, but i always heard strange birthmarks and scars are signs from your last death. fears, too. things you avoid. so, i guess, like, a clown stabbed me in the neck with needles."

"are you afraid of storm drains, by any chance? if so, i think pennywise had it out for you."

"hahaha." yunha shakes her head. "wait, i have to ask. is it not worse thinking you can only live once? that's not uncomfortable? feeling like you have to make everything perfect in your one lifetime?"

"oh no, it's terrifying. dying and just being done with everything is eerie, too, because there are nice things to do and see here in the real world. you’re right about that. and yeah, there is a lot of pressure to get it all right. also, that's not even mentioning that there are people i love that i don’t want to be gone forever. i'd like to think they remain somehow. conscious or not. i kind of think they do, but i don’t know. am i contradicting myself? capital-P probably."

“you don’t know what to think.”

grant immediately bursts out laughing. “yeah, no, absolutely not. i do not know. i just kinda waffle around and hope some scientist throws out some numbers and whatnot that proves some explanation of everything correct. but that’s impossible. it’s literally impossible. we can’t even simulate or predict the wacky physics that were going on at the exact moment the big bang happened.”

“not to be, like, all quirky, but...” yunha reaches over, patting him on the shoulder. “maybe don’t think about it? you’re gonna go crazy. you can just not know? and it's fine. this doesn’t mean anything anyway. the answer to anything is already in you, it’s not out there.”

and then she, too, starts giggling all over again and her cheeks blush deep red from sheepish cringe.

another stereotypical line, but he doesn't mind. they sound better coming from her than him anyhow.

a second later and she checks the time on her phone. her cheesy smile erodes into a slight frown.

“ahh, i really need to leave soon. i have a schedule in the morning.”

grant checks the time as well, drawing the sleeve of his hoodie up just enough to read the minuscule roman numerals on his watch.

on the watch an ex-girlfriend gifted him. not päivi, but...

4:00 a.m.

fuck.

right.

you’re leaving the country in two hours.

[doberbutts]

I hate when people act like trans men aren't also killed and are "just" misgendered. It downplays that misgendering is an act of violence, and it erases all the trans men who have been murdered or driven to suicide. Plus many trans men are misgendered in death, so we don't even have accurate statistics. I feel pity for people who are so self hating they target other trans men/mascs and claim they have a victim complex and that they "need to center (trans) women." Like, no, you're allowed to center yourself. People are allowed to center themselves and their struggles. It's good to discuss other issues and nuance within certain groups, but individuals are allowed to care about themselves more as long as they aren't harming others.

The minimization trans men/mascs are expected to do towards their own experience is a great example of transandrophobia and the intersection of sexism and transness. "Shut up and stop whining" is something plenty of AFAB folks have heard before. It's not suddenly radical when it's been done to trans men/mascs, it's still basic tack misogyny.

I'm tired and brain foggy/chronic pain-y so I'm starting to ramble a bit so I'll end my ask here. It's just so frustrating, seeing people cannibalize their own and themselves while pretending it's to "further the cause" or whatever

tbh I think @thorne1435 said it the best. If "just misgendered" isn't so bad, then why don't [general] you detransition and live your life being forced out of transition and live as your assigned sex? Is it because "just misgendered" would drive most transgender people to suicide if that was their only option? Is it because "just misgendered" is one of the leading causes of suicide within the wider transgender community?

Leelah Alcorn was "just misgendered". She also stepped in front of a truck, and she's dead now. By this logic no one murdered her. She killed herself. Because she couldn't imagine living a life of being misgendered, because she was afraid that even if she transitioned it was "too late" and she'd be read as a man for the rest of her life. And her family that refused to accept who she was "just misgendered" her to the point where she saw no other way out except death.

Leelah's death was a tragedy. I'm not saying it wasn't. No trans teen should feel forced to choose between killing themselves and never transitioning.

I just wish it was recognized as a tragedy when other transgender people do this, too.

[butchspace]

Hello, I am going to discuss my thoughts on content/trigger warnings as someone living with OCD. I am absolutely open to good faith engagement and discussion on this topic.

Having some thoughts on the idea that adding trigger warnings somehow ultimately harms the person with the trigger. They absolutely can create an easy tool to obsessively control your access to the topics/to avoid them, but I’ve always felt it should be the potentially triggered person’s decision on what they were ready to do about it. Uncontrolled exposure is just as capable of causing obsession as is avoidance, in my opinion.

I think of the (terrible telephone retelling of a) case I heard about while discovering recounts of actual lived experiences with OCD.

—The following example discusses intrusive thoughts about domestic violence.—

A woman had an obsession with being was afraid of hitting her boyfriend. Her compulsion was that she would have to hold her arms stiffly by her side. She recognized this as OCD and sought exposure response prevention. Her therapist told her to try and ignore the compulsion, or potentially do the opposite. The woman became so obsessed with healing she forced herself to keep her hands away from her sides (almost obsessively) and constantly checked whether or not she “still wanted to hit him.” In the end, the ERP just became entangled with her obsessions.

It takes so much strength to face these types of problems and practice the mindfulness and grace with yourself to recognize it. It’s something you really need to be ready for because it’s going to take a lot of effort to do the hard thing when the easy thing is right there.

How can we claim it’s best to “force” exposure on someone else? How can we go around vigilante therapising people we have deemed too ill to do it on their own (or just be left alone)?

This is not to say that anyone is bad if they can’t or don’t want to tag things. More just my thoughts about how pushback against that idea can swing too hard into trying to prove not tagging was morality correct.

Some articles that articulate so much of my experience with OCD:

Having No Cure for OCD Is the Cure

Help! I Have OCD About What’s OCD

In the spirit of bodily autonomy, I think we all deserve agency in our lives no matter how “incompetent” other people may think we are. When you’re ready, you’re ready. There’s no healing to be had sitting around thinking you’re broken or lazy or whatever for not being ready to change. We all owe each other the kindness to do what we can in good faith, too.

I started doing too much table setting in the tags, so I’ll put it under a read more, lol.

I recognize that this isn’t very radically (in the abolition vs reform sense) anti-psychiatry, and I do have a complicated relationship with that idea. I recognize that I have a good deal of privilege (particularly among people with more stigmatized/less understood “disorders”) but this framework is the only one I’ve ever been able to access that gives me any insight into myself at all. That isn’t something everyone can afford to do in several senses.

As a physically disabled person, I just connect my experiences with chronic illness and mental illness (which I think can fall under the umbrella of chronic on its own) more and more these days. What truly was the difference between not being able to do something out of pain versus anxiety? Our brains are organs, too. Our thoughts are chemical and hormonal, too.

One of the fondest memories I have of coming to terms with disability was explaining my experience with an autoimmune condition to a bipolar friend, and he replied that we were “chronic illness buddies.” And I felt so understood as someone who has suffered with various types of anxieties for their entire waking life.

[vagabondfandoms]

Falls on Me

Day Three: Evening

Rating: Teen (For This Chapter)

Previous Chapters: Chapter One , Chapter Two , Chapter Three

Characters: Gale Dekarios and F!Tav: Copper

Warnings: Gale POV, Mentions of chronic pain, body image issues, accidental flirting/sexual innuendo, and embarrassment. Also, mentions of Mystra (I think she deserves a warning for any Gale story).

Gale is dealing with a major bout of pain and he consents to Ki Restoration from Copper to help battle the degradation from his orb.

---

The team agreed with only mild protesting from Astarion to give Gale the Sword of Justice to consume. The relief was instant but Gale couldn’t bring himself to tell his party members that pings of pain returned by nightfall.

To be fair they did battle a hag today so maybe Gale just overexerted himself.

All Gale wants to do is lie down and curl up with his newest book and a glass of wine. He is about to kneel down to recline into his plush pillows when a sharp stab crisscrosses his chest and he grunts out in pain. He finds himself falling forward and catching himself with shaky hands. 

"It shouldn't be bad like this so soon," Gale grunts from an aftershock of pain, nails digging into the rug of his tent. He just consumed a magic item this morning. 

Cold dread fills his head at the thought of Tara's treatment no longer working and his life ending with the dreaded little orb eradicating him into lumps of flesh and bone. Everything he was and everything he could have had gone because of his idiotic decision to chase after Mystra’s lost fragment of the Weave.

“Hey, are you alright?" Copper asks, leaning halfway into his tent. Concern clearly on her face. "I heard something falling to the ground."

Sweating and disheveled, Gale tries to wave the monk off. "I am fine. I'm fine,” he says a little more steely than usual. "Nothing to worry about here. I just had too much wine." 

Copper gives him a glare. "You need to come up with a better lie than that to chase me away," she scolds as she gently helps him up. "What's really the matter?”

Gale quickly debates if he should lie again but just sighs and tells the truth.

"My pain is returning. Rather quickly this time." Another spasm causes him to wince and the rest of his sentence comes out more desperately than he wishes to convey. "I just consumed a magical item today…but with this rapid degradation of my health, I don't want to think about how this affects my timeframe to stay in this world.”

“Gale, you remember our discussion about the differences between Ki and the Weave?” 

“I remember you not budging on your points in the argument,” Gale mutters. “I must say, it was very un-monk like of you.”

Copper rolls her eyes at the wizard’s displeasure about her not conceding the superiority of the Weave over Ki but otherwise stays quiet not wanting to start another debate. Especially with the man hurting as he was. 

“I can help you feel better if I heal your pathways. So your Ki flows better.” Copper ends up saying.

Reluctance settles in the pit of Gale's stomach but another flash of intense pain makes him reconsider.

“Fine, let's try your not-magic magic healing,” Gale says in his most cheerful tone, which makes Copper gently shake her head at his stubbornness.

“You’ll need to take your shirt off and lay down on the ground so you have something solid to support your back.” Copper says as she reaches for one of his spare blankets and drapes it on the ground.

Gale stills, as his stomach clenches at the thought of showing off his body. He is nowhere near his prime. Over a year of sequestering himself in his tower, growing weak and frail has made him a poor image of his former self. 

“Is it essential for me to take my shirt off? I don’t even like Tara staying in the room when I change my clothes.” Gale half-jokes.

Copper flashes him a quizzical look that she quickly replaces with a neutral face. 

“We can do whatever you are comfortable with. However, seeing your skin will help me notice any abnormalities that I can focus my healing on.”

Gale lets out a bitter laugh. “There’s one large abnormality right here, all right.” As he pats his chest over his orb. 

“What you have a third nipple or something?” Copper asks, with a straight face.

“What!?! Gods no!” Gale says aghast. “I have two perfectly formed nipples. Thank you very much.”

“Then what’s the problem?” Copper gives him another quizzical look that she doesn’t bother to hide this time. “I treated a man at one of the Ilmateri Temples who had an additional hand coming out of his armpit. Not a fully grown hand, mind you but I highly doubt you have anything weird enough to top that. You appear to be a very handsome and normal-looking person.”

Gale finds a small blush trying to form on his cheeks but the annoyance of being called normal clouded out the pleasure of being called handsome. 

Gale was anything but normal...well he once was. Now he couldn’t really argue that he was anything special since he squandered his gifts to achieve Mystra’s love. 

But before he could get lost in his self-loathing, Copper cleared her throat, obviously waiting for Gale to answer. 

“Ohh yeah,” Gale coughs, embarrassed by the lapse of his response. “Well, it is not as strange as an additional appendage but I have a "magical injury" on my chest. There’s a large scar where it’s located and skin discoloration. Plus, I haven’t had much of an appetite since I was cursed with this…thing.” Gale spits out. “My body isn’t quite up to par for viewing but as long as you promise not to run away screaming at my loose skin and bones I’ll consent to taking my shirt off.”

“I promise, I’ll only do that if it was a third nipple,” Copper jokes, which puts a smile on Gale’s face. 

Gale lifts his shirt, and a stab of pain accompanies the motion causing him to be more determined to go through this test to see if Ki restoration would help. Copper turns her face away from him, to allow some privacy as he disrobes and lays down on the blanket. 

At first, all Gale could feel was the rise and fall of his chest but shortly after the hard surface feels strangely nice as the pressure of the earth pushes into sensitive spots on his back. 

Copper kneels down over him, emitting a calm and tender presence that Gale often associated with Mystra in the past before she was his lover and more of a teacher. 

“Here,” Copper says gently as she grabs his hands, which he didn’t notice were clasped together tightly on his stomach, and guides them down to his sides. “I am going to examine you by placing my hands on areas of your chest and releasing a small amount of Ki into your system to figure out if you have any areas of buildup in your meridians.”

“Build up in my meridians?” Gale questions, mainly out of curiosity, instead of worry.

“Sometimes when our bodies are damaged, our pathways get blocked and we end up with Ki building up in unwanted areas.” Copper says as she shuffles, in her kneeling position, readjusting to get a better angle over Gales’s body. Her braid falls over her shoulder, softly tickling Gale as she continues to work. A glowing energy built up in her hands. 

“Ok, Gale. I’m going to start the process now.”

Gale feels a cool but calming sensation touch his skin. If he was honest with himself it felt nice to be touched by another human being again. 

He watches the young monk, a pensive look on her face, as she works. Gale notices Copper’s eyes are very pale and reflect the soft glowing light around them before he closes his eyes and feels a small shift in his energy. The tightness in his chest was evaporating like morning dew but the hungry pit of the orb remained. 

After several minutes of relaxation, Gale suddenly blinks his eyes open at a surprise sensation, as Copper moves from examining his chest, to gently touching his neck. “I’m going to apply some pressure here ok? You have some built-up of Ki in your neck that I need to release.”

“As long as you don’t choke me, I’m not really up to that kind of foreplay right now,” Gale says drily before realizing he let his tongue slip. “Urgh, my mind can be so perverted sometimes without my permission.” 

Copper must have realized what he said because she stilled in her perusal before continuing.

“You must be feeling more comfortable if you can joke like that.” Copper huffs out, as she applies slight pressure to his neck, relieving some pain. “I might have to rethink my decision about helping you if you don’t behave. I don’t think you are old enough for me to excuse your words as just delusions.” 

“Ugh, I am so sorry.” Gale groans out, humiliation staining his cheeks bright red. “Does that happen to you a lot? Some fool running their mouth while you are just trying to help them?”

“You won’t believe how many little old men and women at the temples try to give me a kiss full on the mouth, tongue, and everything.” She says scandalously but with a light air around her that Gale’s transgression wasn’t a big deal. “I became an expert at dodging while changing bedpans.”

“Well, I promise you won’t be anywhere near my bedpan.” Gale jests, feeling physically lighter than he has in weeks. 

“I usually have a spell that magics away all that nastiness anyway. But don’t expect me to tell you where it goes once it gets enchanted away,” he adds with all seriousness before giving Copper a shy smile as she shifts back away from him, her work complete. Happy his embarrassing slip of the tongue wouldn’t put a strain on his relationship with a teammate.

“So how are you feeling?” Copper says as she stands up patting herself clean from the dirt on the ground. “Did the Ki restoration help at all?”

“I feel lighter than I have in months. The crick in my neck that has been bugging me is gone but the pain from my infliction is still there.” Realizing he might not sound grateful, Gale quickly adds. “But it feels duller than before. I am no longer bending over in pain.”

“I am glad it helped a little.” Copper smiles, “There’s so much damage to your heart chakra, I was worried I wasn’t going to help at all.”

“No, it helped. I definitely have to put a little more stock in Ki techniques. Thank you for sharing. Maybe one day, I can return the favor with a lesson in the Weave.” Gale says fondly, getting up and putting on his shirt. 

He didn’t realize until now he wasn’t worried anymore about Copper seeing his disfigured body and she didn’t comment on it, like a true professional. He smiles fondly.

“Ohh, no.” Copper says, waving her hands in protest, slightly backing out of Gale’s tent. “It will be impossible for me to have any talent in the Weave.”

“Nonsense,” Gale reassures while cheekily adding. “You probably didn’t have the right teacher. But alas, a magic lesson will have to wait. I am awfully worn out and I feel a particularly good sleep is waiting for me.” 

Backing fully out of the tent, Copper gives Gale a warm smile. “Sweet dreams, Gale.”

“Goodnight, Copper,” Gale adds as he watches her disappear from view. Laying down on his bedroll, Gale doesn’t even get the chance to read his book or drink a glass of wine before sleep claims him for the night.

Author's Note:

The romance is going to start building up for Gale and Copper moving forward.

[gamora-borealis]

incoming rant about discussions about diet culture & body positivity i've seen online (for context, I am a fat person):

I really do appreciate people who spread body positivity and dispell myths about bmi and diet culture, but seeing people be like "well if you are craving a food that probably means your body need it!" has me a bit... concerned? like I respect the sentiment. I really do. we don't need to feel shame about what we eat. however, some of us have adhd, messed up gut microbiomes, binge eating disorder, and/or metabolic issues. like sometimes I need to tough it out and not give in to my cravings because if not I might throw up, pass out, or feel physically sick.

like, another example, I have PCOS and a lot of chronic pain. diet culture in terms of like, obsessing over calories or thinking you can't have any of a certain food is not good. however, my doctor gave me an anti-inflammatory diet plan, which is basically a packet that says "these are kinds of foods/ingredients that tend to increase inflammation in people who have PCOS or other inflammatory issues, so try to avoid these if possible" and when I do follow it I absolutely feel better than when I'm constantly eating the food that is feeding my adhd dopamine cravings. adderall sometimes helps with my ADHD binge eating, but when I ran out of it for a month because of shortages, my eating got out of control and now my gut and brain are having a really hard time adjusting back to where I was (not to mention my ADHD causes me to forget to take my Adderall a lot too 🤦‍♀️).

like, there are lots of foods being marketed to us constantly that really aren't that great for us. not that they are necessarily dangerous, but they are being made to taste as good as possible so you'll keep buying them, by corporations that do not have your health in mind. and like. if you eat "unhealthy" all the time and give into your cravings, that's okay! it's completely understandable. food is good and fun and sometimes your body does need certain things! plus sometimes the "healthier" food is wayyy more expensive or hard to make. but I just think we need to be careful making blanket statements about food when certain foods are more harmful to some of us.

like, again, we shouldn't feel shame about food or being "fat." there are fat people out there who are very healthy! however, some of us who are fat have chronic illnesses or disorders that are tied to weight gain. now, tbh our goal shouldn't be to manage our chronic illnesses or disorders so that we'll be "skinnier," the goal should be to try and manage our illnesses (as much as one is able) for the sake of our health/wellbeing. unfortunately, a lot of doctors tie weight to health, and say "oh you're losing weight the treatment plan is working!" when that really shouldn't be the indicator, or at least the sole indicator, that a treatment for a chronic illness or disorder is working. we should change that mindset. (there's so much more one could say about fatphobia in the medical field tbh).

Idk, I'm just very literal and don't like blanket statements made online without a lot of nuance or backing. I feel like there's a middle ground between obsessing over weight and dieting and encouraging people to eat whatever they want without taking other health factors into consideration.

like, even though I'm prediabetic and struggle with inflammation, I still eat sugar and carbs. but I try not to over-do it if I can (some days I just don't have the impulse control and that's alright). for example, I buy dairy-free ice cream sandwiches that have 9 grams of sugar (very low compared to most ice creams treats) and real fruit frozen pops (that have natural sugars) because my brain is always craving sugar. but they aren't as sugary as some of the other stuff out there and don't have the dairy or dyes that trigger my inflammation. I also love bagels so I eat these really yummy protein bagels. they probably have more carbs than I really need, but if I'm gonna eat a bagel for that sweet sweet dopamine hit, at least they are organic whole wheat (which is better) and the protein helps keep me full for longer. it takes research sometimes, but it can be helpful to find a middle ground between your cravings and "healthy eating" especially when you have a chronic illness or disorder you are trying to manage. but if you are struggling to find that middle ground and are just eating "unhealthy" a lot, you aren't any lesser for it. Or even if you just, never chose to try and eat "healthier," you aren't lesser for that either. you still deserve respect. we shouldn't change our diets because of judgement from others. I feel like that should be the ultimate goal of body positivity/anti-diet culture discussions.

[niuniente]

With all due respect but depression, anxiety, etc are not disabilities. I have anxiety, bipolar and depression, and it’s tough. But 2 years ago I got into an accident that rendered me legally disabled. And that’s when the nightmare begun. So while those condition are rough they are NOWHERE near the level of pain, distress and struggle actually disabled folks go through

Hmm I can't speak for the mental problems myself. My physical disability is not in your level. My condolences for you. It's definitely not easy for you, that's what I'm sure about.

My impression of the original post was that people shouldn't be so hard on themselves as "I need to do better, I need to be as good and energetic as an abled person. I'm not disabled enough to make my life any easier with all the things disabled people use". It speaks to me, too, as I'm telling myself "I'm not disabled enough" when I'm 24/7 in pain and half-dead, because someone else out there has it WORSE.

My condition and your condition should never dismiss or be used against other people's issues with health, whatever those might be. I would never tell my depressed friend, that "Well, I'm in pain 24/7, you're just depressed. I've got it worse than you. You've been depressed just a few years, I've had this condition for decades".

I think it should never be a competition who has it worse, as someone always has it worse than you (not meaning you, anon), and someone has it easier than you (again, not meaning you, anon). My experience about humans is that they whip themselves too much and don't give themselves break, aid, permission to ask help and seek help, because "I'm not disabled enough, sick enough, low in energy enough, chronically ill enough, mentally ill enough, physically ill enough, traumatized enough etc."

Of course, physical disability caused by physical illness/trauma is different in nature, but it shouldn't dismiss people who are mentally ill/traumatized. If mental illnesses weren't causing disablities in people - an in this context meaning that they can't survive the daily life the same way as abled people - then we would have no mentally ill people who have retired from work due their mental illnesses, dropped from schools etc. Just in Finland, people with severe mental illnesses are allowed to retire and they're not expected to work, because they are disabled.

Illnesses and disbalities appear in people in so many forms and people should be allowed to be KIND to themselves, to seek out help and aid WITHOUT having the legal status obtained from health care as "Ok, now you're allowed to make your daily life easier at home, like eating from paper plates instead of regular plates to avoid dishes, as you pass as disabled enough".

The level of disability is not a competition, nor it should be behind gate keeping. If your health - whether mental of physical - affects your daily life significantly - so that you need to plan your daily life around your disease, whatever it is - you're not ablebodied and you're allowed to find ways to make your life easier. And, if the disabilities are very severe, as I think it is in your case based on what you told me, then people need to be allowed to find the help from the society, doctor, law etc.

I won't discuss about this matter more. I've said my version of this - as a disabled person myself, too.

[utilitycaster]

I would read a post about Ashton’s treatment by fandom, because I’m seeing the signs of another Beau/Jester vs Jester/Fjord explosion with coming if Ashton has and communicates romantic feelings toward Laudna and I wish fandom was self-aware enough to not do that again…

It’s interesting too, I feel like the two characters who have the strongest connections across the party and also the deepest mysteries still unaddressed in their backstories are Ashton and Chetney. For a fandom that loves “found family” and speculating on open ended backstory, they feel weirdly under-appreciated.

So to start I do want to assure everyone that if something's in my tags it's probably fair game to ask about; I have spiked bat proficiency.

Specific to Ashton: what's interesting is that early on, Ashton's queerness was this sacrosanct thing involving a lot of people's projections over their idea of punk (which I discussed at length here; do note this post is 10 months old and characterization marches on). There were also abundant headcanons about Ashton having disabilities due to their injuries long before it was confirmed in 3x35 that they experienced chronic pain. One of the early popular ships was also Ashton/Fearne, given their early thievery from each other and Fearne's interest in Ashton's skull. It continues to be a ship with some degree of fandom support.

Pretty much as soon as Ashton and Laudna started to interact more, Ashton's queerness either was shunted into "actually, he is 100% gay" or was fully ignored, and a masc-presenting nb person was rewritten as someone cis and heterosexual for being interested in a woman. The fact that, as far as I can tell, the first person in the party outside of FCG that Ashton voluntarily let touch them was Laudna (when comforting her following the Taste of Tal'Dorei pot holder purchase in 3x25) - which Ashton encouraged - is generally ignored in favor of Ashton and Orym's first one-on-one conversation in which Orym asks Ashton if it's ok to hug him, a full 15 episodes later, does not go without notice. (As is the fact that Ashton gave, as an example, "You sometimes start making out with someone's sister" in episode 3x9).

Essentially, Ashton's queer identity and personal relationships are conveniently reshaped so as to support ships someone wants and make impossible those they don't want...even if it conflicts with their own previous Ashton ships with women. When, in truth, all we know is that Ashton uses he/they pronouns and has shown some general interest in people of various genders.

The chronic pain, meanwhile, is interesting because after it initially I haven't seen it mentioned much lately except in the context of shipping (and primarily shipping Ashton with Orym, and primarily in the sense of 'Orym's the only one allowed to touch them' which as discussed is patently false). It's actually really interesting you mention Chetney and Ashton being particularly compelling because firstly, I agree, and secondly, it feels like a lot of fans of Ashton...really just use them as a cudgel against Chetney? Like, I do actually go into the main tag with some regularity and sometimes even the Ashton tag, and you may recall that there was extensive discourse about how Ashton should get turmoil...but I really don't recall any discussion about Ashton needing a mobility aid before that, and discussion of them needing a mobility aid pretty much vanished once the matter was settled. (I also think that Ashton/Fearne is a ship with plenty of textual support, but it took off in a particularly weird way once Fearne started to flirt back with Chetney; frankly my feeling on that whole situation is in fact to turn the triangle into a throuple but that's besides the point). Like, people seem to weirdly pit the two against each other in a way that feels wholly out of line with their friendly rivalry in-game. I honestly don't know why that is, and would love to know.

Anyway in summary Ashton is, in fact, a queer disabled lower-class punk, and it's great, but people keep saying how cool that is and then primarily engage with all of it solely to bolster or block ships or knock down other characters, even twisting the character's depiction in ways that are reductive in terms of disability and biphobic/at times transphobic in terms of queer identity to do so, which sucks. It also feels that as things like his chronic pain have been made canonical, people who were into similar headcanons have been less likely to engage, which is a pattern I've seen a lot and always raises red flags for me.