#i think that sometimes a person can just waste their life and be miserable and then die and that's just how their story goes

[thnksfrthmmrs]

[peribirb]

gettin a real Maybe It's Just Not Worth It vibe tonight, enjoy tagspam 👍

[skelliko]

Tokyo revengers |°- sudden first kiss

๑-featuring: kazutora, chifuyu, Baji, Inui, rindou

°- kazutora hanemiya

• sometimes you both get playful with each other, playful insults or sarcasm, playful acts that consist of annoying each other in so many ways, or playfully fighting with each other that always result in either one of you tickling the other or falling over each other till one of you is pinned on the ground. though usually that play fighting is done indoors.

• today was supposed to be a day where the both of you simply relax a little due to running from certain people that had to be avoided. but nope, you had a little different plan because how could you resist being a little nuisance to try and feel better about the situation you're both in, and what other way to do that than by having a little play fight?

• sure kazutora has a higher winning streak but it still causes some laughter and energy. though when he had you pinned with your back on the floor, the eye contact that you both had held was new, well no, but the thoughts behind kazutora's mind was new leading to the eye contact feeling odd.

• his hands that held your wrists down, he loosened his grip by a lot in a way that if you wanted to leave you could, easily. he didn't say anything but the silence spoke for itself after when he leaned his face down and carefully connected his lips to yours.

°- Chifuyu matsuno

• he knows about some people that like to put you down and make you feel miserable, he takes consideration into that and always tries to soothe you in hopes of making you feel better whenever some piece of shit likes to mess with you. he hasn't done anything to them because when chifuyu stated multiple of times that he'll beat respect into them you always tried to make him drop the whole idea. despite him wanting to so bad, he still listened to your request and kept his fists hidden in his pockets when walking past the people.

• he was rarely present whenever they would say something to you but when he was he'd throw snarks at them and make them shut up using words, however today was different. he couldn't stand it no more so once a single peep came out of one of the dudes aiming at you it make chifuyu tick.

• throwing a punch right across his face to make sure he bites down on his words but it of course caused a fight between chifuyu and the small group. he won with a few bruises here and there but that was to be expected, what wasn't was what he did after.

• before you can even utter the words 'are you okay?!' or even make sure that Chifuyu is okay or maybe even scold him a little at the end, he takes hold of your face with both hands carefully and presses a kiss onto your lips.

°- Keisuke baji

• sometimes his fights with other gangs get out of hand, and I dont mean just a broken bone or some bloody scabs but i mean it as in his life could be on the line. which is always considered when taking part in a gang fight.

• you're the one who he thinks about whenever he goes off to break people's noses, oddly enough. you're the one that has made him to be more cautious and careful when fighting, making sure he gets out still standing to see your smile.

• though something didn't sit right with him before going to join the group, you were on his mind but it felt like he had to do or say something to you. you knew of the fight but was that really all you had to know? Keisuke being alone, pondered a little standing stuck in the middle of a pathway when he was on his way to meet his group.

• it was like a small adrenaline rush, not just because of the events that will play out soon but because you give him energy without even being there. motivation.

• he ran in the direction of where you live without wasting any more time and knocked on your door, hoping that you answer soon. once he saw the door open and you appear, he took a second or two to think but without wanting to stay silent too long his next decision was to invade your personal space, slide a hand behind your upper back to support you and lean in to connect your lips together. a kiss before battle.

°- seishu Inui

• he'd usually end a day off with some minor teasing after hanging out, either by trying to make you blush and shy away or seeing how bold you can get. though a lot of the time those teasings are him annoying you with little harmless acts.

• he'd try and inconvenience you in the most minor ways like misplacing something or taking your pens and pencils and having you to earn your way in getting them back which could be done by saying 'please' after being told to or be sneaky and catch him off guard. he sometimes likes games like that.

• though in this particular time he decided to take advantage of his height and snatch something off from your hands making you try and reach for it, getting all close to him with both arms in the air but he keeps moving the item from one hand to the other and left to right and down and up making you to lose eyesight on the item for a second but by the time you try to reach for it inui moved his arm back up into the air.

• and then he kissed you. while you were getting so close to him in hopes of reaching for the item he couldn't help but focus on your face and those lips. his mind was completely blank when he suddenly leaned in but his heart knew what he secretly wanted.

°- rindou haitani

• usually he's good at maintaining his jealousy, sure he feels it often but he's able to die it down knowing that there's full trust between you two

• however, this time it was a little different. what would one do if they were on their way to meet their date and at the meeting spot they see the date having, by what appears to be, a lovely conversation with 3 young gentleman?

• okay, for most it may be a big deal, but for some it's a 'sure whatever, let me just go over there and move on'. in rindou's case it's both. he knew he shouldn't worry much, to start off there's three guys, not that many groups are willing to all try and hit on the same girl. and what if his date actually knows the guys as mutuals? nah that one ain't right, cross that point out because one of the guys is getting way too close for his liking.

• so rindou did the first thing that came to his mind. to go right over there, slide his sneaky and quick hands around your waist and kiss you right there and then in front of the guys, lips to lips.

• serves the group to try and think that someone as pretty as you to be single.

 ♡----

[micahulrichdraws]

I don't think self-deprecation or concern for the person's well-being is ever going to come across well to someone saying they like what you do. Maybe I'm missing something, but there are reasons to like your art besides being miserable. Even if only the truly miserable liked your work, responding to them by pointing out how miserable they must be wouldn't feel great for them. Your art isn't giving them depression, and it's not like you're contributing to net suffering by making art with ~themes~, so it seems unnecessary to bring up. You suggested that if you struggle to enjoy life, and you make something, anyone who resonates will also struggle to enjoy life. I disagree. Some people will like it for completely shallow reasons. Some people have empathy for others' suffering. You can have a decent life and no mental illness and probably still appreciate a well-drawn skeleton. I don't know what kind of art a perfect world would produce, but any world where people are mortal is going to have sadness, and some art will reflect that. Yours isn't uniquely dark.

Sorry if you've gotten 100 asks saying this same thing. I wasn't sure based on the ones you responded to, and I just found your blog. I know it's sort of a joke, bc you do still sell art prints and stuff, so you clearly are okay with people liking your art. Tbh, I /had/ depression for a few years, so I'm not exactly proof against the theory that your art somolehow only appeals to depressed people. It seems unlikely, though. And the way you talk about your art as "garbage" kind of gave me flashbacks to the sort of self-deprecating humor I'd use when I hated myself. I don't know you or how you're doing, but that feeling made me want to say something.

You didn't just miss something, you missed like, everything I've ever said on my blog about like, everything to the point I'm not even sure this was intended for me? Like I'd break it down, point by point and be like 'no what are you smoking' but that'd be a waste of time after the 'why do you think my art gives people depression!?' part of whatever this is. Like, this is offensive levels of trying to make me be someone I'm not for the sake of a hypothetical argument against a strawman. So if, you want to take offense to who I am in case you misclick and end up here again here's an asshole enough of a response to give you a legitimate reason to find me intolerable:

Welcome to my page! I make art, jokes, and bullshit with folks to make people happy. I started doing this when I was big sad, because cheering people up cheers me up. Now, here's the crazy part: some people are very sad, and sometimes they tell me it makes them a small amount of happy, which gives me dopamine and makes me do it again. The word 'some' means 'not everyone', or even 'a fraction of a percentage'. For example, in this case, it means 'most people just like my drawings but some people get an extra lil bit out of it'. I don't take myself seriously because I know that the art world is insanely intimidating to those outside of it, and sometimes artists tend to be egotistical and condescending, a word that means 'having or showing a feeling of patronizing superiority'. Naturally, I do everything in my power to avoid that, because I'm a very 'gates open' kinda person.

So, here's the WILD part: in my perfect world I would've never had depression. Now, I know, that would have been inconvenient for you as someone who passed by my page one time, and I do apologize. I also apologize that I don't make 'dark art', because I like frogs and mice doing cool shit. Finally, I apologize for my art having -~*themes and concepts*~-, I know good art only comes from ChatGPT and that was my bad.

Sike, I didn't apologize, my fingers were crossed behind my back when I said that. Fuck you for thinking me not wanting to be around for a decade is 'worth' because I drew a mediocre skeleton, and because somehow sadness is necessary. That line of thinking is so awful, here's a video explaining it:

PS: the reason my friends and I in these parts call my art 'art garbage' is because that's what my professors called it back in school for like 4 years, back when I started this shitshow. Much love.

[lunar-years]

I am having so many Roy Kent thoughts this morning. Like, just how deeply lonely has that man been, for a very long time probably but especially the past year? He doesn't seem to have...friends? Like, sure, he has his fellow coaches, and he has Jamie. But it's not exactly like Ted's been in the correct headspace for most of the season to be pal-ing around with Roy in his free time, and Beard is friends with everyone and I expect has a million and one social commitments at all times, dictated first and foremost by Jane. We get the sense in the Chelsea episode of the sort of easy rep Roy had with the staff and community there, but also that he's cut himself off largely from all those good parts of his former life; clean break since the day he left. So by now, Roy's social life is fully just work and his 10 yr old niece...and eventually, Jamie Tartt.

Before he started training with Jamie, though, I fully think Roy was isolated and depressed as all hell, probably much more than he realized or ever acknowledged. Yes, he had the Club, and sometimes Phoebe in the evenings, but the rest of the time? Come home alone to his empty house that wasn't anything like Keeley's, and try to read his book, and make his dinner. Maybe watch some footie on the telly. Yoga once a week, if he's even still going, but in a way even that's lost its charm, because it's not like he can tell the mums anything, they don't even know who he really is! Try not to think too hard about how much he misses Keeley. Rinse & repeat. And the cycle becomes so unbearable that god, does he welcome training Jamie.

But even training Jamie, at first, is just...a way to extend work, isn't it? Work, work, work so he doesn't have to think about anything else, or linger on his own encroaching loneliness with the world. We don't see him and Jamie do anything but train until Amsterdam, which is the start of the breakthrough, and then until the very end of the season. Because Roy very stringently doesn't let Jamie into other parts of his life, even though he maybe (definitely) wants to. Jamie is part of work, not part of his personal life, and he forces himself to keep those rigid boxes up even after they've begun to bleed through. It's Jamie who has to push through them, slowly force his way in past Roy's defenses. And it's a good thing Jamie is a persistent little fucker, or Roy would well and truly have had no one.

And the whole time this is happening, Roy is forced to live with the fact that he's brought this all upon himself. He left Chelsea. He left Keeley. He's cut himself off from nearly every good thing in his life, and the worst part of all is, he can't stop doing it, even knowing it's made him miserable! even knowing he can't go on like this! He still can't bring himself to consciously allow Jamie fully into his life even as he increasingly relies on Jamie and their time together to keep him afloat. They're together all of the time, but for a long while, Roy won't even call him his friend.

Just...god, Roy is the most insane blender of fierce love and arrogance and protectiveness and repression and rage and self-hatred and self-sabotage and isolation and, and!! all the things he won't allow himself to have and all the people he won't allow to love him!! We wasted so much time on Shandy and Zava this season when we should have been cracking Roy Kent's skull open like a nut and examining every inch of his brain, me thinks.

[redo-of-chii]

ʚ♡ɞ 𝓨𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓢𝓾𝓬𝓬𝓮𝓼𝓼 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓜𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝓞𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓼 𝓤𝓷𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓽𝓪𝓫𝓵𝓮 ʚ♡ɞ

I decided to make this post by being inspired by my SP.

My SP is a very humble person to the point he has let opportunities practically go away from him out of consideration of others. He is a really talented and hardworking individual but because he has put others on the pedestal for so long, he still has habits where he is toxic to himself by putting himself down and comparing himself to others constantly. 

Even though he dreams of success and even learned about the law of assumption to attract opportunities. And like I mentioned before, he has managed to manifest many things but his inner talk has become his biggest limiting belief.

And that made me think how many of us are secretly afraid of success even during our manifestation journeys.

∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘

Many people I know who have been successful in their journeys have manifested things from scratch, especially friend groups. Which is very telling, it really shows the lack of support we’ve had throughout our lives when it comes to others and that our success has possibly made others in our life so uncomfortable that you got pushed away.

This happened to me, in fact, I lost 90% of my friendships after I started manifesting my dream life. At first, I was really upset about this but with time I realized that as soon as you become your dream self, people will push you away or even badmouth you and put you in a ¨bad guy¨narrative. Sometimes it’s jealousy, sometimes it’s narcissism, sometimes it’s just losing the factor of being relatable to others.

Still, ask yourself this. Even if you love those people and try your best to still be relatable to them… Do you want to be like them? Do you want to be like those around you? Are you really going to still put others on the pedestal just because they’ve been in your life for so long and continue to be as miserable as them just for the sake of being relatable? Are you really going to choose that struggle?

You can have everything you want, why choose to struggle?

∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘

You can manifest new friends or even rewrite those people. Why choose to stay like them to stay relatable? Don’t stay uncomfortable for anyone. Let them be uncomfortable because you’re the operant power here, don’t self-sabotage to make others love you.

When you become the only person who’s successful among the people around you, you’re going to make others uncomfortable because you’re not like them anymore and that’s fine. Let the trash throw away by itself. Because if your success will make you lose the love of the people around you, then they really didn’t love you for real in the first place.

So do not stay in someone else’s echo chamber. Do not let other people’s limitations and insecurities reflect onto you. You deserve your success and your desired reality. 

So don’t waste your time on others when you can be delulu and embody your dream reality.

Let them be uncomfortable.

It’s your journey after all.

∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘

꒰ Always & Forever — Chii ꒱

[johnlocsin-johnyakuza]

I’m going to put this out here for ya’ll.

No matter how old you are, you can always be a child at heart.

It's never too late to play hero, go on wild quests, and just enjoy life. A message that so many people will never understand because they are too jaded and too attached to the same familiar cycle of depression..

I don't know how else to get it through some of you guys' thick skulls.

Enjoy. Life.

Think. Positive.

Be. Optimistic.

Now, are these messages cheesy as fuck? Yeah.

Doesn't make them any less true. And I won't deny that it's hard sometimes. I have to tell myself to look forward constantly. But I at least try, whereas it seems a lot of people are fine with being complacent when it comes to their own suffering. Which makes me miserable. Seeing people miserable makes me miserable. And I want to try to do the least I can to help, using the inspiration the Yakuza/Like A Dragon games has given me.

Like look at the new upcoming Yakuza Game featuring Majima. This man is 60 years old, an age where any other person would be holed up inside their house or a retirement center or something. But instead, Majima has the energy to play dress up and pretend to play as a pirate and go on this batshit insane adventure! Is that cringe? No! It's FUCKING AWESOME! But because society typically expects old men and women at that age to be dried up and miserable, some people don't see it as awesome.

They see it as cringe. Which makes me sad.

Yakuza isn't goofy for goofiness's sake. Even when they cranked it up to 11 in Infinite Wealth, the goofiness was still used to tell serious messages, like how a dying man can still find a glimmer of hope at the end of his life.

It's a beautiful message and I wish more people saw it.

I don’t care how old you, who you are, or what you define yourself as, don’t hesitate to have as much fun as you want, role play, play games, use your imagination, I don’t care, go wild! Life live to the fullest, don’t even think about cutting short, I want you to go out there and live your best life possible!

I’ve mastered and overcome cringe, I’ve grown beyond it, I'M LIVING HOW I WANT AND NO ONE CAN DO A THING ABOUT IT!

Don’t even try thinking to yourself “What’s the point?”, “I’m too old for this”, “There’s nothing for me”, "People won't understand", or any of that, there is so much to do out here, so go out into town like you own the entire place, do something you enjoy, just go, do it.

Live the best life you want, it was given to you, so don't waste it, for the sake of me and everyone out there who cares, alright?

Have a good day.

[nanamishorecumslut]

The other woman

description: You and nanami are in an arranged marriage, but he doesn't love you. As for you, you do love him. Love him so much that you let him cheat on you. After some years you are miserable and unhappy, all of this is just hell. But what can you do? You love so much.

warnings: cheating nanami x fem reader!, angst, sadness, broken heart, that bitch from the bakery, bad writing, delusion(maybe), from cuquett to emo, not proofread, lana lyrics, arranged marriage(?) (some are warning some are not okey?)

-------------------------------------------------------

reader pov

Some people say that finding love is like the lottery. If you get lucky you'll win. And even if you don't win there's going to be a price. That's just how life works, some people win, but at what cost? They find their person, that human that makes them feel like paradise and are overall loved in every way. Sometimes your person belongs to someone else and not you.

I remember like it was yesterday, the day my parents presented me to Nanami Kento. That day our arranged marriage began, flowers, different cake flavors, dresses and so many things only I could ever imagine. Through this process Nanami seems to be interested, excited even, but one day that would all change. I remember how he looked at the girl from the bakery, it was like love at first site. After that day Nanami insisted on going more. I didn't mind because my heart was throbbing with love. Love that has developed in a very short amount of time.

Some time after the wedding Nanami spent less time at home and when he was at home we didn't cross eyes. I later discovered that he was cheating, and the girl? Well it was the girl from the bakery. I was destroyed, heart broken. I love Nanami, but he did not love me. Every song I heard, the flower from the garden, even the strawberry reminded me of him. I can't leave him. I love him so much that it hurts, so what did I do? I never confronted the cheating which I regret.

For years the only thing Nanami ever did was leaving the house with a small good bye, and at night he'll come back just to eat and sleep. I tried making conversation but it was worthless. Our time in bed was as bad. The only time we ever had sex was on our wedding night. That was the only time we ever did such an act, and he made sure to let me know that it was the only time he'll do it. I asked him why and he told me that he didn't want to do it,not with me at least.

At some point Nanami didn't even bother to go home. I was there, lonely, with no one by my side. Maybe loving him was never enough. Today some paper was on my door, it was divorce paper. I knew this day was coming, so why am I so sad, heart broken. All of this hurt me so bad but why did it feel like true love? Nanami was never home so why did I love him so much?

Love can be tricky if you don't know how to love. I hate myself for wasting so many years. Maybe I didn't love Nanami, maybe I just love the fantasy I created in my own head about this marriage. Was I even married? If only I'd known about all of this, possibly my life wouldn't be this miserable.

____________________________________________

an: damn this is sad even for me likeeeee. Also I refuse to be aesthetic cuss Im not like other gorls. Okey no I just want some of my humor in my post ya know?. This is my second time writing something and I think Im getting the hang of it (no Im not but ig I'II learn or smth)

[tiny-space-whale]

I know this isn't a novel concept, but I dont recall ever hearing it framed this way:

I think, like climate change, our society has shifted suicide prevention to an individual responsibility when the causes are systemic. Like, maybe more people would want to keep existing if we weren't constantly making it miserable to do so.

My survival is tied to my accumulation of a made-up number. I have to give a large portion of that number to people who already have an incomprehensibly big number, just for the privelege of staying alive and existing somewhere that isn't a tent or a prison. In order to make the number go up, I have to perform labor, at great cost to my time, energy, mental faculties, stress levels, life expectancy, to name a few things (all of which are Real Things and NOT made-up like the number is). For access to a method of getting to the place where I'm allowed to sacrifice myself to make the go up, it has to go down first (sometimes unpredictably, like if my car breaks down or if I get a parking ticket, which is another source of stress). And if I'm lucky I'll end up with a bit extra so I can choose between spending time at some special place of fun or relaxation where they will lock me up or threaten me with force if I do not make my number go down while I am there (which I try not to think about while having fun or relaxing).

My point is that it's just like how the narrative shifted to making the individual person the problem with trash and pollution. That YOU'RE at fault and YOU need to fix it. Recycle. Don't leave your car idling. Unplug your phone charger. Buy an EV. Never mind that 90% of carbon emissions come from 90 corporations. Never mind that the majority of ocean trash is commercial fishing industry waste.

They've done the same thing with mental health. So it's YOUR responsibility to get help about what's wrong with YOUR brain that makes you feel this way. When the reason so many of us are sick of existing is because it simply is not enjoyable to continue doing so under these conditions. And the conditions are a systemic issue that those with power to fix... don't.

If they don't end the state of misery soon, I will.

[theyandereonmyoji]

can I request a yandere Infinite?? Just please make him a little softer to his darling, I need to pet the dog in sonic forces so bad thank you♡♡

General Yandere Infinte Headcanons

Oh you sweet summer child, I actually feel bad for you

CW: Kidnapping, implied gore

I am seriously sorry for you anon, but the softest you’re gonna get out of this guy is a life of endless torture with a jackal the refuses to let you go, or even grant you the mercy of death. This doesn’t mean that he isn’t capable showing you love, it’s just that this man probably is occupied feeding his own ego to show you any real signs that he cares for you. He much prefers to believe that he just keeps you around like a toy just to amuse himself, the despair in your face is just too delicious for him after all, he’s certainly never going to get bored “playing” with you. Sadly for you that means both physical and psychological torture until he gets bored again and tosses you aside.

You too most likely met when he was destroying a city to aid Eggman in his ambition to conquer the world. Normally, in most cases he would’ve just seen you as yet another worm squirming pathetically for its life, but there was just something…special about you. The way you just kept clinging to your miserable life despite not having any chance of surviving an encounter with him was just so pathetic, so desperate, and so oddly captivating. Since then, he just can’t keep thinking about you, about how you would look if he twisted of all your bones simultaneously, or burned you alive, the possibilities are endless.

The fact that he can’t stop thinking about you in his own messed up way, frustrates him to no end. Compared to you, anyone else he tortures or mercilessly kills just fall flat compared to you, he just can’t satisfy his lust for power and crushing the weak anymore, he hates it. In his most frustrated days he can’t stop rambling to any stranger that’s unlucky enough to stumble upon the furious jackal, telling them about everything he plans to do to you once he finds you. Perhaps he says a bit too much to said strangers as their fear slowly turns into confusion, but Infinite doesn’t have the energy to care about that, dead men tell no tales after all.

If you decide to be foolish enough to join the resistance, congratulations, you just increased your chances of Infinite capturing you and make you live the rest of your life through a living hell. If he sees you in one of your futile missions to stop him and Eggman, he’ll ignore any orders he was given by the doctor and prioritize your capture. It’s not like it would take him too long anyways, with the power of the Phantom Ruby, killing anyone near you, finish his job and locking you up in a cell isn’t going to be a big deal to him. And if his “boss” has any complains about how much time he’s “wasting” with you. Infinite might just as well…get rid of the real nuisance that’s getting on his way.

The first days of your imprisonment will be hell incarnate. Days will feel like an eternity as he takes out all pent-up frustration on you, as he does some thing that are not apt for the faint of heart, you would need a soul of steel to be able to go through all of that and not have a mental break down, even then be certain that you would not come off unscathed. Eventually his “playtime sessions” would become more of a routine, as he would laugh maniacally while submitting you to various  types of “punishment” for you to learn how to behave, he can’t have his favorite toy disrespecting him now, so sit still and let him hear your screams as he experiments with the Phantom Ruby.

Despite all of the above, he can be gentle with you sometimes, as long as you behave. After all, he can’t let his precious little doll break beyond repair, otherwise playing with you won’t be as fun. So, every once in a while, he’ll personally take care of any wounds that are taking a long time to heal, and treating you like a porcelain figure for the rest of the day. Even then, this ultimately brings you more harm than good, messing with you psychologically, like a more messed up version of the carrot and the stick method. Behave, and perhaps the next time he “plays” with you won’t be so bad, he might even take care of you right after, just like this, continue your disobedience and he’ll make sure you have multiple close calls with death in a single day, let alone the entire week.

If you’re insistent on defying him and putting up against his torture, please, just please, if not for your own sake then at least for everyone else’s, don’t call him weak. You’re just begging for the worst death imaginable at this point, and even death is a mercy compared to what will happen next. You see, despite this guy’s huge superiority complex, he still has trauma from the last time he was called that. The last thing he wants is to be reminded of how scared he was back then. Yet here you were, bruised and battered, and somehow still having the guts to call him weak? All I’m able to say now is that what will happen next will probably belong to the sake section. Just consider yourself lucky if you’re still alive.

Once the genius Dr. Eggman conquers the world, his victory will prove to be short-lived as the mercenary turned weapon inevitably turns on him. From then on, a world by Eggman will look like paradise compared to what will happen next. With the Phantom Ruby at his disposal, reality will soon turn to a nightmare fuel where you can’t distinguish fact from fiction. As for you, well, things don’t change, he might let you go outside from your cell, though you should really think it through before going out into the hell you used to call home. Infinite has made himself you eternal tormentor, and he will make sure you stay forever by his side in the eternal nightmare. If you're lucky you'll get to head pat him if he feels merciful enough.

[password-door-lock]

The third consecutive time that you call him, Saeran decides to cut his losses and pick up. It goes without saying that he’s in a shitty mood about it— who do you think you are to bother him like this, and why did he have to inherit such an annoying toy in the first place? Can’t you follow the instructions that he gave you? He shouldn’t have to tell you multiple times to just stay in your room and wait. But then again, of course you would be troublesome. If Ray liked you, and if you actually liked him back, then it probably follows that you’d be a little strange-- though that’s no excuse for interrupting his work. “When did I tell you that you were allowed to bother me while I’m working?” He snarls.

“Hey,” you greet him, as if you didn’t hear the question he just asked. Unbelievable. “Good morning! Did you sleep well?” 

“Why are you asking something like that?” Saeran demands, “Don’t tell me you’re trying to get rid of me by boring me to death.” 

“The opposite,” you assure him, “Like, I see what you mean about this place being boring— as you know, you just left me here to sit around, and as instructed, I’ve been brainstorming ways that I can entertain you, and I decided to call, since I thought you could use a break.” 

So you finally want to be useful? Still, Saeran’s expectations for you aren’t very high. Just because you claim that you want to entertain him doesn’t mean you’ll actually try to do it, let alone succeed. “Then why are you wasting time by telling me good morning?” 

“Because that’s a thing that people say to each other when they talk on the phone before noon,” you explain, “And sometimes after noon when they don’t realize that it’s not morning anymore, and they say ‘good morning,’ and the other person says, ‘it’s two thirty,’ and the first person is like, ‘oh shit I’ve been reading fic for how long?’ Et cetera.” He doesn’t bother asking you what you’re talking about— if he did that every time you said something ridiculous, Saeran would never get anything else done.

“And now you’re wasting time by telling me why you’re telling me good morning?” He huffs, incredulous. “Do I have to give you a step-by-step guide for how to have a conversation, or is even that too difficult for you?” 

“You asked,” you protest, still sounding for all the world like this is the best day of your life. What reason do you have to be so chipper? “You wanted to know why I said good morning, so I explained why I said good morning. I am following your instructions to a T, sir.” 

“Prince(ss),” Saeran warns. He really does not have time for this conversation, and he doesn’t have time to interrogate the joy in your voice. You’re supposed to be miserable, so why do you sound so excited to be talking to him? “Stop blabbering and start trying to find a way to entertain me. That’s why you called in the first place, isn’t it? So you should go ahead and try it before I really lose my patience.” He doesn’t want to hear any more of your cheerful voice. It doesn’t belong in a place like Magenta, anyway.

“What patience?” You ask, sounding proud of yourself for thinking of the one-liner. Before Saeran can admonish you for mocking him, suddenly you’re talking again: “But, whatever, you want me to entertain you, so I’ll entertain you. I just have a couple of questions before we start— okay, first of all, how familiar would you say you are with dad jokes? Like, where are you on a scale of one to ten?” 

Saeran doesn’t have the slightest idea what you mean by that. He assumes it’s just some silly thing that weaklings like you like to waste time thinking about, and decides not to engage with your weird question. “I thought I told you to stop spouting nonsense,” he growls. “Do I have to talk slower so that you can understand? If you know what’s good for you and you’re able to comprehend what I’m saying, you’ll cut the act now, prince(ss).” 

“Mhm, okay,” you reply, which is not necessarily an answer to his question. “What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?” 

By this point, Saeran is fuming. You called him while he was working and strung him along with that whole good morning song and dance just to ask him about a blanket? “I said entertain me, not ask stupid questions!” 

“It said, ‘Oh sheet!’” You cackle. 

Saeran smirks, though the so-called “joke” was not remotely funny. He’s more amused by how much you’re laughing about it— seriously, is that all it takes for you to go to pieces? What an airhead.“You must be intentionally trying to piss me off,” he decides. 

“I’m trying to make you laugh,” you pout. It seems you’re always trying to make him laugh, but Saeran doesn’t understand why. Is it that hard for you to just act how he wants and be scared of him? That would be much less of a hassle for everyone involved. You were willing to listen when Ray told you to get into a strange vehicle and put on a blindfold, but suddenly you’ve forgotten how to follow instructions? What kind of messed-up logic is that? “Okay, okay, I’ve got a better one. What’s black and white and red all over?” 

Are you just going to sit around asking stupid questions all day? “What are you—” 

“The RFA messenger!” You giggle. You even have the audacity to cut him off. “Get it? Get it? Because the app display is black and white, but you’ve read all the messages, so it’s read all over.” Oh. Read, not red. 

Saeran can’t help but laugh a little at that— he couldn’t care less about the word play, but at least you seem to understand the extent of his control over the messenger. “Yes,” he confirms, “I’ve seen everything you’ve said there, so you should watch it when you’re typing to your friends.” But, then, if you’re able to understand the situation, why are you still so full of hope? 

“Oh my god,” you breathe with exaggerated surprise, “Did the great hacker of Magenta just… laugh at my joke? I feel so accomplished! Let me tell you, man, there’s so much more where that came from. Feel free to call me whenever you need to cheer up; I’ll be here, sitting around and thinking of jokes.” What the hell are you talking about? You must think you can manipulate him by catching him off guard or something.

“Don’t get too full of yourself, toy,” Saeran spits in a vain attempt to ruin your mood. What gives you the right to be so happy-go-lucky when you’re locked up in the toy room, rotting with your thoughts? “I’ll come see you soon to remind you of your place.” He leaves you with that, hangs up, and turns off his notifications. He won’t allow you to bother him while he’s working again— but it goes without saying that he’ll be thinking about ways to bother you.

[epickiya722]

I'll be honest. I think I figured out another reason why sometimes I am a little nervous to post any fic.

It's because of how people react to canon material. The memes, the *insert media* critical posts, throwing around labels...

A lot of people nowadays look more to "criticize" than to just actually enjoy something. "It's okay to criticize."

As I said, even if so, anybody who says this I feel is just looking for an excuse to bash someone's work and kill the vibe. They're looking to be an asshole. Not to actually be helpful.

To criticize, is to point out flaws but at the same time guide that person to do better.

If someone tells me I'm missing a detail in a fic like "Oh, this part didn't make sense, but how about adding this to connect this to this", I'll take that before "why I waste my time reading this garbage?"

First comment, helpful. Actual criticism. Criticism can work as a guide to help people.

Second comment, not helpful. Just some miserable person who probably never wrote a single thing in their life for their own enjoyment and is looking to be a jerk to someone just because.

When writers say they want comments, some of us don't mind the criticism. But by criticism, we mean point out any grammar issues, oh, maybe a detail is missing from the plot...

Not say "I don't like this ship" and "I wasted my time reading this".

All some of you do, the majority of you do is nitpick, nitpick and nitpick.

I know "everyone's a critic" is a saying, but damn! Can some of you dial it the fuck back and not take that literally and make it your life mission?

Ever since I was in middle... no, elementary, one thing I wanted to do is publish at least one book for many people to read. But given how people act nowadays, I gave up on that a long time ago.

[angelofthepage]

Love Requires Sacrifice

"Love requires sacrifice" is one of those Sammy Lawrence lines that hits really hard. This man has given up everything to devote his existence to the ink demon, praying he will be freed from his miserable body. But there is something about this line that is hitting me particularly hard tonight as an enjoyer of autistic Sammy interpretations (and as an autistic myself).

What if "love requires sacrifice" wasn't just about the ink demon? What if it was about Sammy? What if he thought it was a sacrifice for people to love him?

Think about it. He's so irritated when he thinks people aren't doing a good job in his department, has little patience and doesn't want anyone wasting his time. He's something of a perfectionist. He finds so many noises distracting, perhaps even overstimulating. He's annoyed by Joey's constant changing of plans and lack of communication. And who do we know of that seems to like him in canon? Susie seems to have a bit of a crush on him until she thinks he's lied to her, and Jack is his partner in crime for music, but outside of that, does he have friends? Do people communicate with him as more than a co-worker? Does he have anyone notice when he's gone? Do people simply deal with him because they have to? Or is he just another obstacle to get passed? How does all of this affect him, does he want friends? Does he feel loved enough? Or is loving him too difficult for people because of his multitude of peculiarities? Is it a sacrifice to dedicate time to trying to understand him?

That breaks my heart a little bit, because it hits kind of close to home. I've felt very unlovable and difficult for years, no matter how accommodating I try to be, no matter how much I try and change to make myself more palatable. Sometimes I feel like people are simply tolerating me and waiting for me to leave rather than genuinely wanting me around. But ironically, it's through Bendy that I've slowly learned this isn't the case. I don't think I'd ever heard someone tell me that they enjoy my company until I came into this fandom and had people talking to me. And it's not just because of the things I give like it was in other spaces. I'm valued for being me, even the messy parts. I have good ideas and cool skills, I'm fun to talk to, I tell good jokes and listen and engage, And even though I get overstimulated or have a tough time sometimes, even though I get incredibly frustrated behind closed doors, more people get it and are willing to work through it with me. They don't treat it like it's a sacrifice to love me.

In some ways, it's made me realize that I changed so much of myself to try to be someone likable, that I lost myself in the process, I became flavorless. I'm still trying to put my pieces back together, and it's something I feel like Sammy had happen too, losing himself to serve someone else. And I wish I could tell him that he is lovable, and it's not a sacrifice to love him. Are there things he could work on? Yes, it pays to be nicer to people, he could stand to be a better person. But there are many things to love about him just the way he is, and someone out there will appreciate them.

Sometimes a fictional character has something to teach you. I think, for me, autistic Sammys have been a source of comfort, knowing that someone like me can still be lovable. Like he's an asshole, he's not someone I would want to know in real life because he's a jerk to people. But gosh does he make me want to be kinder to myself.

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

thanks, hon <3 i'm so sorry you're getting anon hate, especially on your artwork. that fucking sucks, and of course it feels awful.

you know, in the past when i would get nasty messages, i would put some effort in to coming up with a funny reply. i had a folder with images/gifs that i thought were clever retorts to hate, and if i and my followers got a chuckle out of it, that made me feel better.

and sometimes, i admit, i would be kind of nasty back, in a way that i thought cut to the quick of what a sad, pathetic sort of miserable person sat around sending cowardly hatemail. that felt satisfying, even if it was maybe beneath me.

these days? honestly, i just block the anon. like i just do not have the energy to fucking care anymore. i don't have the energy to be witty or cutting. i roll my eyes and block, cause fuck, can you even imagine, in this fucked-up world we're living in, wasting your one single life sending anon hate when you could be doing literally anything else? that is just so sad and ugly and useless that i simply do not want to engage with it at all. i do not fucking care. end of.

it might be harder when the hate is directed towards your art; i'm sure that's really difficult to just ignore, especially when you're trying to create and those words are in your head like thorns. the mentality that i've carried from the beginning that's left me pretty emotionally untouched from whatever hate i get is just, shit, how utterly pitiful would a person have to be to send that message?

i mean, can you imagine how insecure, how angry, how joyless, how cruel and unloving a person would have to be to send the message sitting your inbox? think about who you'd have to be to get satisfaction out of tearing other people down like that, especially for something as simple and good as art. isn't that just... really fucking pathetic? that person must be so lonely, so empty, so deeply messed up and twisted to get their kicks from hurting others, and, to boot, they're too cowardly to even attach their name to it. fucking embarrassing.

what's more, whenever i've gotten some "shut up you fat cunt" in my inbox, i've honestly had to laugh out loud, because like... why the ever loving fuck would i value your opinion? i don't know you. and i wouldn't WANT to know anyone who'd send that message. anyone who would send that message is a pathetic loser in my opinion, so why would i care what a pathetic loser thinks about me? like, the very act of sending anon hate disqualifies your words from carrying any weight. if the kind of person who would say those words hates me, then i guess i'm doing something right!

all that said, all the logic in the world can't make mean words hurt less when they just simply hurt. that's okay. you're not weak or stupid for being hurt. but the bravest, best thing you can do is put up both middle fingers and do your thing even harder. if they don't like it, then they can fucking choke on it.

[ctrl-alt-deleting-yr-face]

i’m breaking down because i’m processing one of the major things that’s been keeping me depressed because of a poem written by my friend leaf @leafgorge so uh i’m just gonna vent for a minute. not really venting and more just writing my thoughts down to process them all better. tw for mentions of suicidal thoughts, sh thoughts, possible ed, depression

i’ve been in a deep depression for several weeks now

i’ve been breaking down and not sleeping and struggling to eat and just constantly paranoid

constantly worrying about the state of the planet and if i’ll make it to adulthood and if i even deserve to exist in this world

it’s been reaching a point where my thoughts have been. very dark

i’ve wanted to hurt myself despite my mom saying it’s wrong. i’ve been willingly skipping some meals and just sleeping off my hunger instead. i’ve been forcing myself to research things that bother me as a pushment. just wasting away in my room berating myself for being tired and miserable instead of doing anything to help

i’ve been watching my bones slowly become more visible on my body and all i think is “yeah, i deserve it.”

i’ve been becoming suicidal despite being extremely triggered by the topic. i’ve been telling myself that i’ll really end it all if something goes wrong, even though i know it would cause more harm than anything else

i’ve felt like i can’t talk to anyone. i tried to and the person in question wouldn’t listen when i tried to talk. it only made more stressed

and thus i haven’t had the ability to process my thoughts. i haven’t figured out what’s been hurting me. what’s been making me feel so fucked in the head.

until leaf put their poem out

it hit me that. that’s what’s been bothering me as well. i’m just scared

i’m scared of this world and the discrimination in it and i’m scared that i and many of my friends who are also queer or poc or disabled will fall victim to hate crimes or be killed

just because we exist

i just wanna live my life as a normal kid. but i’m scared to. i’m scared that any day i could wake up and my partner could be gone. or my best friend. or anyone i know

i’m so afraid of death and the prejudice in this world that i can barely handle living in it

i’ve felt like i’m not gonna make it to 16, let alone 18

but i want to

i desperately want to

but every day is so hard to push through and sometimes just the thought of waking up in the morning makes me feel sick

i have people who love me. who care about me. and i love them all too. more than i could ever express through words or pictures or anything

i love all of you more than anything

i wanna keep living for all of you. i wanna quit wasting away for all of you.

for noah. for arson. for jella. for rein. for leaf. for vickie. for francie. for isaiah. for rai. for cryptid. for starry and sydney and pebble and moon and all the friends i’ve made irl and online

i want to get better for all of you. i wanna be stronger for all of you.

i’m just scared that i’ll see another person who i loved so dearly die yet again

i’m so scared. i don’t know what to do. i don’t know who to talk to. all i know is i wanna keep living

i don’t want to die

i just need to figure out how to take that first step.

[stargirlsuicide]

how i plan of keeping myself pulled together all year ^_^

(these arent tips!! these aren just things i think will work for me to keep me on track and help me achieve the goals ive set for myself)

i just wanna start talking abt mindset before anything else cause i feel thats the most important thing for me. ive had a couple fights with my mom this year abt me changing schools cause i picked a rlly hard school and she was worried i wont put in the effort and just let my grades fall. so to keep myself doing all my school work and also not being completly miserable i decided to set some ''rules'' for myself:

☆ doing all my work as early as i can. i always found myself like wasting time and doing my work in the late evening and i would sometimes finish at like 10pm and had no time to watch a movie or do anything else productive

☆ writing. both in the sense of taking notes and my own personal writing. i feel like writing stuff down always helps me a lot. both at memorizing things or just to get my thoughts down. so i put 'a new journal' on my shopping list ^_^

☆ taking the bus to school everyday. this might seem kinda stupid but its actually something that i think wil help me a lot. i could go by car but since i have friends that go to the same school as me going with them would just be more fun than with my dad. the biggest downside of this is having to wake up at 5am to get ready but i feel like that might help with my schedule since nobody else in my house is up by that time and i have all the time to get ready.

°:. *₊ ° . ★ . ° ₊ * .:° °:. *₊ ° . ★ . ° ₊ * .:°

this part is all just abt looks, habits and social life and lumping them in all together just cause its really not a lot for each one.

☆ buying good makeup products that are also affordable. i do my makeup everyday its part of my routine and like a lot of products that r considered high quality and long lasting are very expensive and i just cant spend 40 euros on a foundation. so i have made myself a list of products that i need to restock on and that arent more expensive than like 20 euros.

makeup part of the shopping list:

☆ looking after my skin more. getting a good moisturizer, spf, never going to sleep with makeup still on and drinking enough water should be enough for me since my skin doesnt really break out

☆ being more mindful of what clothes i RLLY wanna wear. im very picky with my clothes usually but a lot of the clothes ive been getting recently arent exactly like 'perfect pieces' and they dont rlly go with a lot of my wardrobe. so just being more midful of what i buy and how much i spend on it

☆ checking what i eat. my method for this might be kinda weird ig but it works for me. i have a lot of go-to foods. i have a favourite thing that i get for everywhere like grocery store, vending machines, fast food, restaurants and it hit me recently that the stuff i eat is very calorie dense. and not that theres anything wrong with that but i dont wanna be eating very unhealthy without even noticing it. so i wrote the recommeded daily calorie intake for my height and weight and the ammount of calories in the foods i usually eat. i dont track my calories and most my actual meals are homecooked and i cant know the calories of them. im not like prohibitinv myself from having high calorie foods i just dont want to be eating them all the time carelessly.

☆ occasionally buying stuff just for fun. allowing myself to get new jewelry or purses or just like stupid stuff like pens and keychains just for like enrichment ig. its not rlly that deep but it just makes me happy for awhile

☆ saving money. this one is more of a like 'would be cool if i manged to do this' cause i am not good at saving money at all but i wanna save up enough for a student exchange program. so i need around 4000 euros saved up just for that and on top of it a couple hundred for my personal expenses

☆ spending more time with my friends. ideally i would go out at least once a week but idk if that would work given how busy i could get. i wanna show people i value them more and spend more time with them and buy them gifts and all ^_^

☆ being more open and sociable. ive had rlly hard times fitting-in in the past cause i didnt rlly talk to people in fear of bothering them. i realized that not talking to people just reads as being weird for others so i wanna talk to people more and try to be more nonchalant and less nervous in conversation. i also just wanna like be nice without letting people walk all over me.

and thats pretty much it i think!!