#tw sh talk

[kash-heals]

i relapsed friday night (hit styros yay me.) and i was honestly at a loss. didn’t really know what to do or why i even did it my mind was so fucking hazy. i wasn’t unhappy. i saw the previous cuts healing, they were turning into scars and no.. i can’t have that. so i reopened them. didn’t know what else to do so.. i ran to my older brother. he didn’t say shit, that worried me at first. but he cleaned my thigh (where the cuts are) bandaged me up , and just turned on spiderman (favorite movies) without saying a word. not sure how he knew what i needed. but he knew. didn’t wanna be lectured. didn’t wanna be asked why. didn’t wanna explain myself. i was already crying i was a fucking mess. he didn’t tell me to shut up, didn’t call me names or make me feel stupid. he just.. he was there. idk people always ask what can they do to help you if you sh and i never knew what to say, but i do now. just be there. you don’t have to know what to say. in fact.. don’t say anything. just be there. it’ll mean the world.

[star-dust-shark]

Took a lot of research but the old cuts on my thighs aren’t infected‼️ they’re just healing rlly slow and kinda weird and are extremely ugly :3

[starzzify]

can people please stop cutting themselves for attention and talking to ME about it and telling ME about it like please stop

[oshidorifuufu]

will it take until im bleeding out all 4 limbs to be noticed?

[online-stalker]

Guys I need either encouragement or decouragement-

I’m going to tell my mother about my sh-

[shfreak]

would killing myself make me feel something ? would it all be for nothing ? i want to feel something . i need to feel something .

cutting before hasn’t helped any . it stung a little . is that what this is all for ? a little sting ?

i want it to hurt . i want to feel . something . anything . i am getting worse i think .

[skinnybinnietitties]

BITCHH TELL ME WHY I SEE A TINY LIL THIGH GAP FORMING😧😧 I'M ACTUALLY LOSING WEIGHT I DIDN'T EVEN SEE I DIDN'T THINK I WOULD EVER HAVE PROGRESS ON MY FAT ASS THIGHS I'M BOUTA START TWEAKINGFGF I'M SO HAPSPYOYORKDJSHSNSJ😭😭😭😭

[starslicerr777]

[coma-black]

tw: sfx!!! not real!!!

benefits of cvtt!ng while drinking is that cat scratches bl33d like this

anyways it’s my actual cats first gotcha day I love him very much <3

[winonagrlposts]

fuck i thought i was done being insane why am i cutting at work

thought i was hashtag healing and having a normal girl summer

[kash-heals]

tw : sh vent // self destructive behavior vent

i wish everyone could understand my self destructive behaviors have nothing to do with anyone but myself and my own thoughts. i hate knowing im loved and surrounded by support and still want to destroy myself. they don’t deserve it. they deserve so so so so much more, so much better and im doing everything i can to become better for my support system because lord knows i dont want them to give up on me , get tired of me or leave… but fuck. it’s a craving… and i don’t know how to explain it.

[star-dust-shark]

So.

My dad just found my bloody bandages I forgot to throw out

And uh

Yeah

All of my sharps are gone

Like all of them

And I feel so so scared

And uh

I think I’m kinda falling apart.

I might not be online a ton in the next while, sorry. I love you all, keep going.

[oshidorifuufu]

jiraimaxxed too hard and now theres visible cvts i need to hide 😭✋

[ctrl-alt-deleting-yr-face]

i’m breaking down because i’m processing one of the major things that’s been keeping me depressed because of a poem written by my friend leaf @leafgorge so uh i’m just gonna vent for a minute. not really venting and more just writing my thoughts down to process them all better. tw for mentions of suicidal thoughts, sh thoughts, possible ed, depression

i’ve been in a deep depression for several weeks now

i’ve been breaking down and not sleeping and struggling to eat and just constantly paranoid

constantly worrying about the state of the planet and if i’ll make it to adulthood and if i even deserve to exist in this world

it’s been reaching a point where my thoughts have been. very dark

i’ve wanted to hurt myself despite my mom saying it’s wrong. i’ve been willingly skipping some meals and just sleeping off my hunger instead. i’ve been forcing myself to research things that bother me as a pushment. just wasting away in my room berating myself for being tired and miserable instead of doing anything to help

i’ve been watching my bones slowly become more visible on my body and all i think is “yeah, i deserve it.”

i’ve been becoming suicidal despite being extremely triggered by the topic. i’ve been telling myself that i’ll really end it all if something goes wrong, even though i know it would cause more harm than anything else

i’ve felt like i can’t talk to anyone. i tried to and the person in question wouldn’t listen when i tried to talk. it only made more stressed

and thus i haven’t had the ability to process my thoughts. i haven’t figured out what’s been hurting me. what’s been making me feel so fucked in the head.

until leaf put their poem out

it hit me that. that’s what’s been bothering me as well. i’m just scared

i’m scared of this world and the discrimination in it and i’m scared that i and many of my friends who are also queer or poc or disabled will fall victim to hate crimes or be killed

just because we exist

i just wanna live my life as a normal kid. but i’m scared to. i’m scared that any day i could wake up and my partner could be gone. or my best friend. or anyone i know

i’m so afraid of death and the prejudice in this world that i can barely handle living in it

i’ve felt like i’m not gonna make it to 16, let alone 18

but i want to

i desperately want to

but every day is so hard to push through and sometimes just the thought of waking up in the morning makes me feel sick

i have people who love me. who care about me. and i love them all too. more than i could ever express through words or pictures or anything

i love all of you more than anything

i wanna keep living for all of you. i wanna quit wasting away for all of you.

for noah. for arson. for jella. for rein. for leaf. for vickie. for francie. for isaiah. for rai. for cryptid. for starry and sydney and pebble and moon and all the friends i’ve made irl and online

i want to get better for all of you. i wanna be stronger for all of you.

i’m just scared that i’ll see another person who i loved so dearly die yet again

i’m so scared. i don’t know what to do. i don’t know who to talk to. all i know is i wanna keep living

i don’t want to die

i just need to figure out how to take that first step.

[idontdotoowell-nobodysworried]

Out out out out out out

Empty is clean, likeable

Empty is dizzy, thoughtless

Empty is self control.

Speechless starvation

Grows freely from the trees

Of my zipped lips and parched throat.

Empty is a lie.

Empty is never empty enough.

Fullness never was permanent, or deserved,

So i cut

Through reality,

To the layer where memories trickle out

In liquid crimson.

[skinnybinnietitties]

Better be the last one

So today my mom asked me if I'm skipping meals or like I have body issues and I had not eatent yet because this happened earlier around lunch and when she told me to take some pills she told me I need to eat something I told her I wasn't hungry yet and when she came back in my room after she left she tolde to take the pills and asked if she wanted to make me an egg because my tmy would hurt after I ate the pills I caved and say yeah okay but take the yolk out and don't use a lot of oil (stupid idiot) she looked at me for a second and when she came back she gave me the egg and left and when she came back maybe 10 mins later I still have the eaten the egg and when she seen it she asked do I have problems and how she has been thinking about my eating habits nd stuff I told her job obvi and was like why would I do tht and yk I don't like eating breakfast and I usually eat a lil bit after lunch bc I don't have an appetite yet for something big or anything at all she was like well idk if your lying or not bc I've been doing a lot of that she said some more stuff and I was kinda tuning her our bit I went back to talking with her when she said something like well I'm watching you kinda to make sure you eat or whateva so now im like pissed asf but at the same time I'm glad because tht means I can try to make if I am showing my real eating habits try and cover it up because I do not need to be in more trouble at all but basically ig ima have to clean up my act and start "eating" but yeah 😊 my interestIng week this felt really good to get off my chest well yeah🫰