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tobitofunction · 2 years ago

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Losing Game Link x female!reader

Set before the calamity

Sorry for taking so long, my mental health was kicking my butt recently

The cold wind was hitting your face, perfectly cooling you as Hyrule summer was cruelling. You were sitting on top of your Divine Beast which overlooked Kakariko Village. You were the chosen champion for the Sheikah, as both Impa and Purah (mostly Impa) were favoured to pilot the beast but their lack of fighting knowledge was the reason you were chosen, your family were close to the royal family for generations due to natural talent of fighting.

You were protecting the Princess of Hyrule before the boy who was chosen by sword came along and basically took your job, much to the Princess’s distaste, when you heard the news that you would be replaced as the Princess's protector you were mad, it didn't madder that the sword chose him, no one could protect the Princess better than you. Zelda still had you come with her on her adventure both of you ignoring the knight who just stood in silence even if spoken to. Link was the name of the boy, you had to admit he was very attractive, with his brilliant blue eyes with thick lashes, and golden hair which glittered in the sun pulled back in a low ponytail, he had muscular physic which is normal for someone who is in his profession, his height was nothing special, he was just a bit taller than you but really just by a bit. It took time for the both of you to warm up to each other, Link just stared whenever you tried to talk to him something which Zelda gave up on. The first time Link talked to you is when you finally had enough of his silence and snapped at him,” DO YOU EVER TALK OR JUST STARE LIKE A CREEP” you yelled stomping past him towards the stables wanting to make your way back to Kakariko as Zelda was busy with writing about her research, suddenly you felt a hand wrap around you bicep making you stumble back a bit,” Hey!” you said looking at him,” I don't talk because... I don't want to be a burden to people” he said softly, his blue eyes staring into yours,” Who told you that?”,” Told me what?”,” That you are a burden?”,” Me... everybody is worried enough about Calamity Ganon and Zelda not unlocking her powers, so I don't want to burden people with my problems” he said letting go off you,” Bottling your feelings up isn't good though, you can tell me... if you want” you said rubbing the back of your neck,” I... don't want to burden-”,” You won't be” you smiled making Link smile as well. While ridding your horses back to Kakariko Link told you about how he feels the pressure of being chosen by the sword, how everyone expects him to be perfect, to defeat everything which dares to come his way,” I am strong but mortal, there are times I’m scared to lose not only the battle but also my life, Lyne attacked me once and... and I ran away after a while, I was too scared and I was also worried that you and the Princess might be in danger as you snuck off without telling anything about where you would be going,” Was it the time where Zelda told you to stop following her?” Link nodded,” It’s completely normal to feel that way Link, it’s human. Even the strongest can't win everything, one day you can defeat a Lyne, I know you will,” you said grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. Link looked at you,” you know there was another reason why I didn't talk... I... find you really pretty Y/N, like extremely... more even than the Princess, every time you talked or yelled at me my brain kinda went blank” he scratched the back of his head, his cheeks and the tip his ears went red at the confession,” I found you pretty as well but I kinda overlooked as I was to busy being mad at you for taking my job as Zelda protector away and you not talking didn't help” he sighed, his cheeks becoming even redder than before,” How do you feel now?” he asked quietly, you looked ahead of you, noticing the entrance of Kakariko in the far distance,” I’m thinking if you beat me to Karakriko I will consider going on a date with you but if you will lose, I still might considering it after you win in a fight against a Cucco” you smiled at him,” Challenge accepted, on 3. 1,2-” but before he could finish he kicked Epona making her speed off,”3″ he shouted making you gasp,”Cheater” you said galloping after him, trying to catch up to him but Link’s horse Epona was just to fast for your horse. Link stopped Epona right in front of Impa’s house, a chuckle erupted in him as he saw your displeased face, the people around you looking at Link with wonder as it’s the first time Link showed any type of emotion,” You cheated, so no date for you” you stuck your tongue out at him,” Sorry but there is no way I’m fighting those demons” he said nodding towards the Cucco’s who was walking around the village,” Do I still get that date?” he asked getting off Epona and tying her on the post before Impa’s house,” Sure” you smiled.

Your thoughts of the past were interrupted by feeling a pair of arms wrap around you,” Hey” Link whispered into your ear, you were now sitting between his legs,” Hey, you took your time” you smiled grabbing his hand,” Sorry, but I can't stay long either. I’m taking Zelda to the spring of wisdom in hopes to unlocking her power” he said kissing your cheek,” Should I join?”,” We are fine, the view on top of this is always amazing” he said,” Yeah, it is” you said not taking your eyes off him,” Are you scared?” you said randomly,” For what?” Link said lifting a brow,” That Zelda won't be able to unlock her powers in time” you said playing with Link’s blue tunic,” To be fair, I am. Since I have things... or someone to lose now” he said cupping your jaw, his thump caressing your cheek gently, he then gently placed his lips on yours, you hummed into the kiss as Link pulled you closer to his warm body, even though his lips where chapped they still had a sense of softness to them,” I love you y/n, don't forget that okay. No matter the outcome of this trip I will always come back to you, not even Ganon can stop me from seeing you again” he said after pulling away, you don't reply instead you pushed Link onto his back and straddled his waist and pressed your lips back to his. Link was surprised at the action but quickly recovered from it and kissed you back, one of his hands was holding your thigh while the other cupped the back of your head,” Kinky” a voice said making you tumble backwards nearly off the divine beast if wasn't for Link quick reaction time,” Purah! You scared me” you scolded the Sheikah scientist,” Sorry y/n but Linky has a commitment to attend to which isn't happening under our wonderful Sheikah champion but with Princess Zelda” Purah said with an amused smile,” Oh crap” Link said scrambling up,” Don’t worry Linky, I get it. We Sheikah are unresistable and quickly make you forget time. Once you go Sheikah you can't go back” she said making Link and you exchange looks,” I need to go” Link said with a red face.

Once Link left Purah turned to you,” Is he a good kisser?”,” Purah?!!” you gasped,” Did you sleep with each other yet?”,”PURAH?!!” you yelled walking into the beast,” What I’m just wondering, never in a million years I thought Link and you.... or Link with anyone in general” she shrugged,” I always thought you and the Princess actually” you lifted a brow,” What?”,” Yeah, a lot of people thought that... I mean a lot, we had beats going on” she said,” Beats? On me and Zelda becoming a couple?”,” Yep and other potential ships between the champions” she said,” Who was Link shipped with?”,” Well, most people thought he will die alone but other people thought either Mipha or Zelda, some even shipped him with Rivali, you know the whole enemy to lovers thing” Purah said with a smile,” But the top ship was you and Zelda” she said,” That’s...I don't even know what to say” you said honestly,” Purah, don't tell anyone about me and Link... at least not for now” you said grabbing her hand and giving her a pleading look,” Sure, no problem. I need to go, Impa told me to check on the shrine of resurrection, want to join?”, you sighed and then gave her a nod.

Meanwhile, Zelda and Link made their way toward the spring of wisdom,” So why were you late? It’s not like you being late and you seemed quite flustered as well” Zelda said after a while of silence,” Where you with y/n? I know you must be as people saw you going towards Kakariko” Link’s ears began turning red again but he stayed silent,” You don't have to say anything but just to be clear hurt her and I make sure you rot in a jail cell for the rest of your life” Zelda said with a smile but Link could sense she was being serious,” I will never hurt her” Link said,” I know you won't but just need to make sure about the consequences if you” Zelda said,” We haven't been together for long but I already see a future with her, y/n is perfect in every way, her laugh, her soft skin, her eyes in which I can get lost in and her kisses which can make forget time and space” Link said while looking at the clear sky in front of him, Zelda smiled at him,” It’s good, I was worried that you will die alone surrounded by destruction cause of your recklessness” she said making Link smile awkwardly,” I will unlock my powers and then we can seal ganon away, afterwards you and y/n can have hero’s of your own and I will spoil them like there is no tomorrow” Zelda added making Link blush just stronger.

You returned to your Divine Beast after Purah finished whatever had to be done by the shrine of resurrection. From what you heard Zelda and Link arrived at the spring, you sat done near the main terminal of the beast, your mind filling with things you and Link could do once Ganon is defeated for the time being. Travelling Hyrule would be first on your list, being a champion means only being able to attend the places from where the other champions come from and not being able to explore more as training took most of the time at these places. Maybe even getting married at one of these places could be nice, Link already has promised you forever, marriage just would make it official. Your thought however was interrupted by rumbling of the beast and pink, purple and black smoke showing up from behind you, quickly got up and pulled out your weapon as malice laced beast formed in front of you, he looked like parts of his body were mixed with Sheikah technology, a loud screech erupted from it before he began his attack.

Meanwhile, Link struggled to keep the guardians at bay, his body burned from the injuries given from the guardians, blood was trickling down his mouth, and his broken ribs ached with every breath he took which already was beating irregularly,” Link, I’m sorry, I have failed you. I have failed everyone, the champions... they-”,” Don't finish that sentence, they are strong, they will make it. I know she will” rapid beating from the guardian make Link focus back on it, he was prepared to shoot a laster towards the two hylians and Link was prepared to reflect when he felt Zelda push herself in front of him making tumble on the ground which knocked him out.

Link felt a soft hand caress his face, soft kisses being planted on his jaw,” Link wake up” you said softly with a small giggle. Link did as he was told, finding himself in the field in front of his house, he quickly sat up,” You are alive? I knew you would be... I’m so glad, we made it Ganon is sealed right?” Link asked hopefully grabbing your hand,” Link, I’m here to say goodbye and thank you for everything” you said with a sad smile replacing your smile,” I don't understand?” he said,” Ganon took over the divine beast and placed creations of his to take us out in them. I did my best to return to you but I failed, it was too strong for me... for all of us. I will always look over you Link” you said snuggling into his neck,” Your dead? Nononono, you can't be. How am I alive but you aren't” he said pulling you away from him so he can look into your eyes,” You are the hero chosen by the sword, and I’m just a girl who is good with a sword. You need to live Link, I don’t” you said sadly,” You deserve to live as well”,” The shrine of resurrection only has a spot for one person and it will take years for one person to heal from the wounds you suffered. It is fine Link, you have your duty to Hyrule you need to finish” you smiled tracing his lips,” I miss you so much” he whispered, not wanting to accept your fate but he knows he doesn't have a choice in it,” I love you forever” he added,” Fall in love again once you wake up, maybe even with Zelda, people had bets that the two of you will end up together” you joked,” Me and her where the bigger ship though, so don't get cocky” you joked as a tear slipped from your eye,” I will never love someone more than I love you though” Link said,” You don't have too, just love someone, don't want you to die alone” you said hugging him closer,” Goodbye Link” you said before kissing his lips as you slowly glowed in blue and green light before vanishing.

Zelda held Link’s body against hers, he was barely breathing. Tears were streaming down her dirty cheeks. “ I’m sorry, I ruined everything,” she said burying her into his tarted tunic. “He still can be saved Princess, bring his body to the shrine of Resurrection and then the sword where it first pulled” Zelda shot up at the voice, it was robotic but clearly female,” What?” she softly,” But the hero to sleep in the shrine of Resurrection and then face your destiny Princess,” the voice said, the master sword was glowing,” The voice inside the sword” she smiled softly,” PRINCESS!” a Sheikah soldier screamed,” Bring Link to the Shrine of Resurrection,” Zelda said handing Link of the soldiers,” What about you Princess?”,” I will be facing my destiny but before hand, I need to return this to its place of origin,” she said picking up the master sword.

#legend of zelda #legend of Zelda breath of the wild #Legend of Zelda Link #loz botw #loz breath of the wild #loz link #loz link x reader #botw link x reader #link x reader #breath of the wild #link x female!reader #botw x reader

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thed4rkhand · 4 years ago

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So today we’re doing Yoongi’s chart and my analysis of it. Let me make it clear right off the bat, that since I’m not a professional astrologer, some things may not match up, further since we’re not super sure of his birth time, it’ll definitely affect the reading. What I can be sure of is that I’ll do my best and I’m completely open to constructive criticism from you all!

Now lets get on with some basic stuff, for those who have not yet read the post with Namjoon’s moon analysis, I’ll again reiterate some principles of Vedic astrology! In the scenario that you’re still confused with all this jargon, feel free to reach out and I’ll be more than happy to help you out.

Starting out, we have to note that while western astrology is usually more advisory in nature, Vedic astrology’s main purpose is to predict. Also, we usually go a sign back from western astrology (24’ back to be more precise) in Vedic astrology, so according to that for example, if you’re a libra rising, you become a virgo rising in Vedic astrology and so on and so forth. All planets will also shift back a sign, so a Capricorn Mercury will become a Sagittarius Mercury.

Now let’s be aware that the chart may be a bit different, but given the main d1 (Lagna) chart remains the same for about 2 hours, let’s focus on that and the moon chart (rashi chart) for this reading. We can also just look at d9 for strength but not house placements as that can be time sensitive. So, we can take a two hour margin of time discrepancy and still predict accurately.

For this reading, we have taken 9th March 1993 as the day and 7:30am as the time of birth, with the location set to Daegu.

OTHER THAN THIS, LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT ME TO DO A BIRTH TIME RECTIFICATION FOR YOONGI LATER ON SO WE CAN GET MORE ACCURATE PREDICTIONS.

Since this is a general chart analysis, we shall be covering topics briefly and discussing the moon, ascendant and sun. For an in depth reading, do pick a smaller and focussed topic as we can honestly keep going on and on about a chart.

THIS READING WILL BE DONE IN SEVERAL 4 PARTS, FOLLOWING THE ASCENDANT, MOON, SUN AND MISCELLANEOUS.

Lets get started then-

Right off the bat, we can see that Yoongi is born into Pisces, with his ascendant at 10’35’, within the Nakshatra of Uttarabhadprada, within the 3rd quadrant or pada. He has venus situated in the lagna itself, in Pisces, thus exalted. His lagna lord, Jupiter, is in the 7th house, conjuct with the Moon, in the sign of virgo, where jupiter gains the upper hand despite mercury (lord of virgo) being enemies. The lord is directly aspected by mars in the fourth house. The lord of the birth Nakshatra is Saturn here, which sits in the 12th house, conjunct sun and mercury (dispositer of the ascendant lord). Lastly, moon, jupiter and rahu aspect the lagna of this chart. Of course there is so so much more here, but we’ve got a whole chart to cover!

(p.s I can already see this is such a fun chart to read)

Getting on with the reading, we firstly see that he’s born under Pisces lagna, this makes the native calm and collected, as well as fond of philosophy and psychology. What we often forget is, people born under Pisces are said to have been born under all the other signs in their past life, and cumulatively they use their skills and knowledge from those lives in their current one. Remember how on Bon Voyage trips and just about every RunBts, saga seems like the ‘dad’ of the bunch? cooking, cleaning, fixing stuff Joon broke, producing music and the stuff? And all those times that he is so very understanding of other? He doesn’t scold Jungkook, let alone anyone else? These are typical Pisces traits. They’re very domestic and understanding by nature, because they’ve been there before in a past life, and enjoy taking care of people.

The downside to this? They can be extremely manipulative if they want to be, they know exactly what to say, when to say, to whom to say and so on. They have an alarming grip on people’s emotions, and have a magnetic quality to them. Further, this is mostly an observation, you’ll often notice that most pisces natives are fond of alcohol (could be because they exist in a water sign? Could be because its the natural 12th house ruler of addictions too?)

Coming to the Nakshatra here, we have UttaraBhadrapada, the second last Nakshatra of the series. This Nakshatra is ruled by Saturn, and the presiding deity being Ananta or Ahir Budhyana, the deep ocean serpent in hindu mythology. The deity Ananta represents boundless expansion, be it of fortune, goodwill or knowledge. Ahir Budhyana, is a sattvic (sacred or untainted) form of lord Shiv, and resides at he bottom of the ocean. He represents the liberation from illusions and attainment of spiritual enlightenment and knowledge. The natives of this Nakshatra here embody these qualities of their deities. We see them as philanthropic and reserved beings, who enjoy learning about a variety of subjects and spirituality. Such people are extremely progressive in their thinking patterns, and often a magnetic pull like the deep ocean serpent has.

They’re extremely controlled and calculating in their approach, and think more than speak. This by no means is to say that they don’t speak, because such people are great orators by nature. They stand up for the underdogs and have a unique approach to topics. They are extremely interested in occult and metaphysical practices and theories. They however commonly don’t obtain higher education or do well in fields of fine arts, even their primary education is not something they excel at. (i once read that yoongi really likes reading about a variety of subjects, and also Paulo Coelho, definitely his UttaraBhadrapada here)

The bad side to this Nakshatra? They’re very critical and over-analyze everything and everyone. Sometimes, even unconsciously, they manipulate people to suit their needs and whims. They get side tracked too often and have difficulty focussing on one task at hand, often amounting to laziness in other people’s eyes, even if the native is extremely hardworking in reality. However when in comes to personal care, they tend to do things in a very half-hearted manner. These people are also prone to isolating themselves from others, especially when things get hard. Due to the sign falling in pisces here, people also tend to have many different mental burdens and disorders, which arise from their constant scatter-brained self and inability to make out between the spiritual and real realms.

They can also be heavy drinkers and abuse substances in such a Nakshatra, or enjoy partaking in occult practices while under influences. They might’ve also faced a very rough childhood with such a Nakshatra, neglected and misunderstood by people around him. The natives could also have moved away from their parents during their early adulthood for education or job purposes. Such people can have health issues like hemorrhoids, stomach ailments and hernias. Usually they lead a stable period full of health and success in the latter part of life, say about after 48 years(since the south node Ketu matures as 48).

Since Suga’s Nakshatra falls into the third pada or quadrant, its ruled by libra here. Libra here focusses on balance and cooperation. Such people may make a living working with other people, or in industries related to entertainment. They may make great debaters, and think excessively about what other think of them as. They’re very conscious of other’s opinion, even if they don’t show it, so we often find such people wearing extremely covered up and baggy clothes for example, or keeping a low profile. They may have a very practical and unbiased approach to most things in life. Such people are intensely into spiritual practices and often times fully devote themselves at hours at a time to worship of gods, angel or other beings. They may be the type to attract people very easily, or even be the kind to fall in love extremely easily.

The second placement we come to, is Venus in the first house, in Pisces. Venus here is naturally exalted (most powerful). Sure ill give you the generic explanation in a bit but, do you know which type of people usually have this placement? Actual saints and famed occultists. Sure many people within the entertainment industry too, but this placement can hands down be one of the most spiritual and divine placements of Venus in the chart. First ill go ahead and give the normal meaning and effect, and then lets dive into the crazy stuff (istg his chart is so goooood). Such people usually have really magnetic personalities, and given Venus is in Uttarabhadrapa, these are the people who you don’t notice at first, but then its like a whirlpool of being invested in them, as opposed to being in Revati Nakshatra (another Piscean nakshatra) which would be a more dramatic pull, based off an extroverted personality. These people can be very good looking, more feminine looking, could definitely look like their mothers with this position. Brilliant luck in fields of arts and entertainment and also genius level of creativity and talent. Here, people can have brilliant luck too, like god’s hand on their head kind. Accumulation of wealth and property can also be seen here.

Now onto the really fun stuff. These people are actually rarely concerned with someone’s exterior, because often times such people have such good intuition and spiritual powers (some are literally called mystics because of this), they can literally see through someone. For this reason, they actually don’t like associating with too many people, despite having a very charming personality. These are the kind of people that keep searching for ‘the one’. These people often give up everything and go ahead and become priests. The calling to god with such a placement is very strong. They also don’t like collecting too many material possessions, as they feel its redundancy in this very changing world. These people hold the few people they’re close to, very very tightly to themselves. These people also may have a very low sexual drive actually, (i know, I know, how can a strong Venus do this?) because an exalted Venus is about devotion to god, to one person, and leaving sensory pleasures behind in life. A debilitated Venus on the other hand (eg. Jungkook has one) might make someone very invested in worldly matters. These people are happy with being alone and single for a long time, they’re very satisfied with their own company. Such placements can make someone practice magick or astral projection too. (Venus in 12th sign of liberation, liberation from physical body)

Given that in this chart, Venus is his 3rd and 8th lord, we can make further deductions. Firstly, since 3rd lord is going 11 houses away, its an extremely auspicious placement here. Self made person, making wealth through communication, can also have very witty and intelligent responses to things. Since the third house also represents courage and valor, this can make someone very fearless and say whats on their mind bluntly. Since the 3rd house is part of the Kama Trikon houses (houses of desire), this going into the 1st house, which is a part of the Dharma Trikon houses (houses of morality), gives interesting results here. Firstly, such people are fiercely independent, and hate to be disrupted when there pursuing their goals and working towards them. They hate to take help from anyone, and as a result are extremely competent. secondly, such people have a moral high ground, to which they religiously abide. They’re extremely righteous and stand up for those who wouldn’t be able to for themselves. Since from here, it aspects the 7th house of agreements, such people are great at understanding and signing contracts for work.

Now with the 8th house, we have a bit of a conundrum here honestly. It belongs to 2 types of houses, the moksha trikona houses (houses of salvation) as well as the Dushtana houses (evil houses). While this placement isn’t all that bad, it isn’t he best either. firstly though, this is a placement where the native always wins over their enemies (8th lord 6 houses away from itself), be it enemies as in people, or simply obstacles in their life. This also confers a long lifespan to people, given that his 8th lord is also exalted here. However such people are prone to accidents, given that the 1st house is the body, 8th house is sudden events and the natural 8th ruler mars is a karka or signifactor of vehicles. Such people are also against organized forms of religions, since the Dushtana lord is sitting in a dharma house. The native is also extremely private and secretive given the 1st house of self has the 8th lord of secrets sitting in it. Since it also aspects the 7th house of other people, this person has that aura of mystery about them because of this. Such people are deeply critical in nature but can have extreme wisdom in cases of hidden objects or matters of the occult.

Now coming to his aspects. His Venus is aspected by moon, Jupiter and Rahu. The first two are benefic in nature and the latter is malefic. Moon-Venus and Jupiter-Venus are also mutually aspecting each other in pairs here. Moon here gives Venus the property of being constantly cynical of themselves regards to what others may perceive them as, given moon is emotion and the 7th house here is other people. Their thoughts here are deeply influenced by other people, they may always keep serving other people too, through acts of service. This also makes someone who falls in love very easily, but it is important to engage this person’s mind in a relationship, they just cant do without an emotional bond here. Since Moon also represents fame in a chart, this makes a person very famous, as they receive attention from many people, and people want to analyze them, and enjoy their work and presence.

Jupiter here, makes the person level headed and practical. The person wouldn’t be all touchy feely with people they like, because they would like to remain more in control of the situation here. They’d rather engage in a full blown debate with someone, than hold hands. This also makes them very worldly and teacher like, while also being attracted to very worldly people themselves.

Rahu’s aspect on the other hand, makes someone stand out in a crowd (Rahu signifies an outcast), they may have a rough and cold exterior due to this. They may also have had issues with body image (1st house is self), or mental health here. These people are enamored by all things foreign, and love exploring the other cultures. They may have issues identifying with their own community at large, and may identify with the downtrodden of the society.

Now going to Jupiter and moon conjunction in the 7th house. I wont go very deep into this, as its a super interesting concept, and it’ll be better covered in the second part of the reading regarding the moon itself, so ill keep it short and related to the ascendant. Also the mutual aspect part will be explained in more detail in the miscellaneous section later. Plus this is getting far too long for even me now.

Getting on with the reading for now, moon and Jupiter here are in virgo, in a loose conjunction (one is at approximately 2’ and the other at 18’). This is actually one of the not very yogas (combinations)in a chart, about 15% of people have these. Its called the Gaj-Kesari yoga (the elephant and lion combination), because people with this are so extremely lucky, its like the kings of the jungle are together to support it. They have the wisdom of the elephant and the courage of a lion. This is a raj yoga (royal combination). a native born with Gaj-Kesari Yoga is intelligent, strong, and prosperous. Gaj or Elephant possesses immense strength and is devoid of pride and the Lion is known for his foresight and skillful intelligence as well as his strength, quickness, skillful leadership, ability and courage. Thus, when Gaj-Kesari Yoga is formed then that person is extremely successful. They will be a kind and philanthropic person, who will always have sympathy for others. They will be quite humble regarding work, would like to talk nicely to people and aim to attain spiritual progress in life. Many people will recognize them as their mentor or guide and will act according to their instructions or advice. They may have a tendency attracting people and people being magnetized by them. They will be blessed with abundant wealth and become the owner of movable and immovable property(cars as well as homes). They will establish relationships with rich and reputed people of the society and enjoy all kinds of material pleasures in life.

Since this occurs in virgo, it makes a person intelligent, sharp and gifts them with amazing memory power. Such a person is knowledgeable and can become the head of a large educational institution. He may own incomparable wealth and can earn a good name and money from business as well. Often such people earn a high reputation in the Stock Market and make progress in life by working in any financial institution or insurance sectors.

Here jupiter in particular makes someone extremely cynical in nature, and their mind is always, and I mean always, thinking about romantic relationships or platonic ones. However given that jupiter is also the 10th lord here, they could be extremely focused on work too. Their life is surrounded by contracts, and may work with others for a living(7th house is house of courts and partnership). They could be very interested in the financial sector here, they could be extremely money minded and money means stability to them. Moon here on the other hand makes the person very moody, and extremely dependent on their spouse or colleagues. Since it rules the fifth house here, it signifies that such people are extremely creative in their work, may work for children or young adults, have a lot of past life karma related to work, and also that they’re extremely devoted lovers. They tend to criticize their close friends and loved ones, just because they’re so cynical and blunt, and want the absolute best for people. They may hurt people’s feeling without realizing it sometimes. (this was very brief but refer to point 12)

Now coming to Saturn in 12th, as the lord of the birth nakshatra. Saturn over here signifies working in the fields of music, but given saturn represents electronics, it could mean a producer too. Since its in Aquarius here, a sign of dual lordship, this resents a constant up and down of mood and life spirit. The person with such a placement is confused with what truly makes them happy in life, the spiritual realm or the materialistic realm. They keep going up and down the path of being spiritual, till 36 years (saturn matters at 36). They may face a lot of mental disorders here. They may have trouble sleeping at night. Given saturn is also work, they may earn through foreign sources in life. Such a person invests money into properties (saturn is houses) and lacks liquid cash. The person may have a weak left eye (12th house is left eye). They may earn from multiple sources in life, and have multiple talents. Such people have low sex drives as saturn is a dry eunuch planet, and in the 12th house of bed pleasures, it may not allow native to enjoy it. They may not be interested in worldly pleasures with such placements.

Lastly (finally?), we have to discuss the looks! Pisces ascendents usually have the short to medium height, and tend to appear a little fuller even when they’re very scrawny. (its because jupiter is the largest planet). Uttarabhadrapada natives tend to have a very innocent look to them, a very calming nature and vibe. however, like the deep sea serpant, they have very deep and magnetic eyes, and a very expressive face (yoongi memes). They usually have a very beautiful smile, and can literally attract people with it (again the snake like quality). They tend to have a very blank look usually, and if you ever notice, they’ll have the most stunning eyelashes actually, given the yoni is the female cow. They might also have the habit of moving their mouth around when their thinking, quite like ruminating.

Given venus sits here, is gives the person very attractive, effeminate features. Think extremely renaissance type of soft features. It can give them very delicate hands and feet with such a placement. The moon aspect here, gives them a rounded face and pale skin. They might have sparkly eyes and a roundish appearance here, also the tendency to gain weight around their face, with short necks. They make also look much younger than their actual age.The jupiter aspect again makes the native very other worldly looking, almost like you can imagine them in a dark robe literally performing rituals. It gives people a calm and teacher type of vibe to them. The rahu aspect usually just blows qualities out of proportion. Have you seen how small and angelic suga looks compared to the other? (not saying they’re not angelic but still), thats the rahu aspect. Again, rahu aspects only get better with time.

So this was my analysis! If anyone has any questions or doubts, hit me up! Let me know if you enjoyed it!

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sevendeadlymorons · 4 years ago

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Hey I’m that one anon from a while back that sent those long ass paragraphs about Lilith and Simeon, remember me? Anyway I know I’m very late to the party, but some of the boys are either getting to much hate or too much love over here (in my opinion) so I made a pros and cons list for all of them, I’m sorry- (I’m warning you now this will be long but I’ll put it in bullet points so it’s a bit easier to read, just read it whenever your mentally ready lol)

Lucifer (I hate this man.)

Pros

He’d help a lot with getting your life together wether that be finding a job, choosing the right college or other shit like that

He’d make sure your working hard and getting everything done, which is both a blessing and a curse tbh

He would be the one to take the most care of you whenever your ill psychically

Cons

He would probably overwork you

Doesnt have much time to spend on you and doesn’t make a effort to find more time unless your getting really sad about it

Probably wouldn’t be the best of help through issues with mental illness (he just doesn’t strike me as that type, feel free to disagree)

His pride would cause some serious problems in relationships :/

Mammon (I love this man.)

Pros

He’s the “if your sad, I’m sad” kind of guy so he does whatever he can to put a smile on your face

Makes his affection towards you known once he’s comfortable enough, mostly through things like hugs and head pats tho

He shows off anything you make, and I mean anything (you gave him a drawing? After showing it to everyone he puts it on the fridge. You wrote something? He reads it to everyone then puts it in his notebook to reread later, I think you get where I’m going with this)

Cons

There would probably be some communication issues due to his tsundere nature and habit of ignoring you when he’s mad

He’d get super mad at you when your trying to help him financially, maybe it’s a ego thing or maybe he’s just tired of hearing it

While his possessiveness is cute at times he’d definitely get way to overbearing if you don’t force him to cool it

Levi (I kin this man.)

Pros

He’d try to set up designated hangout times (like Friday is movie night, Tuesday is for RPGs etc)

Wanna spend time with him but aren’t very into what he’s into? While it will be harder to bond with him because of this I think if you REALLY wanted to hang with him he’d at least try to meet you in the middle (like if you like sports he’ll offer to play wii sports lol)

Insecurities getting you down again? Well never fear, levi is here! He’d find characters with flaws similar to those you see in yourself to prove that they don’t really matter (and since he struggles with insecurity himself he’d know how you feel and be one of the best at helping you through them)

Cons

Even if he makes an effort to meet you in the middle if you have different interests he’d refuse to get into “normie” stuff

He’ll guilt trip you constantly, even if it’s not on purpose (“Oh your hanging out with Asmo today? I get it, of course you’d wanna hang out with somebody cool and perfect like Asmo and not a gross yucky otaku like me”)

You have to initiate almost everything Hugs? You hug first. Handholding? You reach out to him. Confessions? You seriously thought he’d be the one to confess first??

Satan

Pros

Similar to Lucifer he’d be good at helping you get your life together and putting you on the right track

Unlike Lucifer, he’d actively make time for date nights and/or hangouts multiple times a week wether your going out for dinner or reading in front of the fireplace

While he himself might not be best at helping with comfort in the moment, he’d be great to turn to if you needed a long time treatment (you need a therapist? He’s got the best three in your area that you can afford and he found some helpful things you can do in this book)

Cons

As stated previously, he’s not the best with comfort, which can be an issue if you need a friend/partner who can be your biggest source of comfort (I’m not saying he’ll do nothing, it’ll just be kinda awkward ig)

If you vent to him about something he’ll always offer advice and while that can be good, sometimes all you want is someone to listen to you and getting advice can be annoying in the moment

I feel like hanging out with him you’d rarely ever get to talk about pointless things, everything would be serious you know? And while serious and deep conversations are good for bonding, some people (myself included) need to be able to talk about dumb things without having it turn philosophical

Asmo

Pros

He’s the best at boosting your confidence, there’s no competition

He’s more into spontaneous outings (he suddenly got the urge to go shopping, your coming with right?)

You can talk about just about anything with him, no judgment and he’ll never speak a word of it to anyone else if you don’t want him to (although he may brag to his brothers that you told him your secrets)

High emotional IQ

Cons

He has set things of things he’s interested in and his idea of trying the things your into is doing whatever it is for about 5 seconds then deciding it’s not for him

He cares a lot about looks, I don’t mean he’ll hate you or insult you cause he thinks your ugly, I mean he’ll constantly try to do your makeup, hair, and nails and he’ll always say things like “Your hair is a bit messy today, did you brush it? Yes? Well not good enough, let me do it” and “your wearing that out? There’s nothing wrong with it, I just think you’d look a lot cuter in this” and if your anything like me, that’ll get on your nerves a lot

While he’s great with emotional issues, if it’s a problem with anything like school or your job he’ll have no solution to offer, all you’ll get is a “You can do it!” and a good luck kiss

Narcissistic, need I say more?

Beel

Pros

He’s the best person to vent to, no judgment and tons of hugs and comfort food

He’s a mom friend, no explanation needed

Very supportive and always concerned for your health

Your in trouble? Call beel, he’ll help you and make sure your home safe before questioning you and will only lecture you out of love (unlike a certain older brother that will lecture you because “Your tarnishing Diavlo’s reputation by acting out like this. Your an exchange student, you must abide by the rules and behave yourself.”)

Cons

Food is his answer to everything (Sad?Food. Injured? Food. School’s stressful? Food plus a little help studying) and while food can be good for comfort, sometimes you need him to provide more than a snack

He’s the opposite of Satan in the sense that he’ll almost never offer advice when you rant to him, he just assumes getting it all out is help enough and won’t offer much more then a hug and food

Not getting along with one of his brothers? “They can be a handful, but they’re great people once you learn to handle the chaos” yeah he rarely thinks what his brothers did is a big deal so he gives you advice on how to apologize and get past it and he’ll give you food

Belphie (he really does attract the mentally ill people huh-)

Cons

I feel like he’d be good for certain people with social anxiety and people who have issues with always being scared about being a bad person (“you think your a bad person and are becoming more and more toxic by the day? Well your a better person than Lucifer that’s for sure, wether or not your toxic were going to cuddle now get in bed” or “your worried everyone is constantly staring and judging you for everything you do? Well I don’t really care about what your wearing or the way you walk so I doubt they do either, can we go home now?” ((Side note, I experience both of these issues and his uncaring personality would calm me, which is why I think this one of his pros))

He just wouldn’t care about whatever type of life style you lead and as someone who’s constantly scared of being judged for their lifestyle this would be amazing (“you sleep all the time? Same let’s nap together” “You don’t eat very healthy? Whatever, it’s fine, can we sleep now?” ((although it is a double edged sword))

He gets a burst of energy and just does the most random things (you see that tree? He’s already climbed half way up it. That petting zoo? He’s already feeding the lambs. That store? He’s already spent 30 grim)

Cons

Just like his twin he thinks every problem has one solution, but instead of food he thinks the solution is sleep (your sick? Sleep is the best medicine. A lot of homework? If you sleep you don’t have to think about it.)

At some point he just doesn’t care enough, if you come to him with a serious issue he’ll half listen to you rant then pull you down to sleep

He teases you a lot, which is fine teasing is fun, but he takes it too far. Maybe he touched on something your insecure about or he was too merciless, whatever it was, he won’t apologize for it, he just thinks your being sensitive. If he brought up some bad memories he’ll consider it, but his way of apologizing is cuddling

He doesn’t wanna do something? You guys aren’t gonna do it. You don’t wanna do something? Too bad, he wants to so your gonna.

I’m sorry this is so long- I tried to shorten it I swear- but anyway if you disagree I’m with anything, I wanna hear what you think

And even tho Beel doesn’t get much screen time and more serious moments, I think his character is way more then hunger

Random but I wanna add that other then Levi I kin Tamaki from mha and Ranpo from bsd

Dude do you just like torturing poor college students? This is so much to read, I’m about to cry 😭

I agree with the Lucifer part actually! Tho I do kinda thing he’s be good emotion support in some ways, for me, anyway. I feel like he may lack empathy that is needed in a stable relationship. Yes, he may be able to tell you with shit and honestly, he’d book my doctors appointments when I’m too anxious too so yknow. But yeah

Also agree with mammon. He’s a jackass when he wants to be, and I know he may not mean it, but his words are still hurtful in a lot of ways and he just can’t convey those emotions that’re needed in a loving relationship. But he’s so sweet and will show you off so it’s all good~

As much as I love Levi, I agree. He manipulates and guilt trips you throughout the entire game. It can’t be healthy in relationships but that don’t stop me from loving that sweet otaku boy 😔🖤

I agree with Satan too. I don’t have much to say but he’s avatar of wrath for a reason, for a start, and he honestly looks like he’d prefer talking about books than that funny thing that happened in class that made you laugh earlier

Agreed with Asmo too. Sometimes he may just get overbearing and the narcissism and the constant need to make you look better and improve you may get irritating

I agree with Beel. I don’t think he can comprehend that food isn’t an answer to everything and as a person who doesn’t cope with food and relatively hates it, he won’t be any help to me emotionally. He’s so sweet but he just won’t give you that proper support

I love Belphie so so much but I absolutely agree. He’s one of the most unbothered brothers who won’t care what you look like, yes, but that also means compliments may come rarely and like his twin, “sleep is the answer to everything” I can admit I like to sleep but I have a manic side that comes with insomnia and if he’s dragging me down and not letting me move and I just cannot sleep, I’m gonna get irritated and pissed off.

This got a bit long on my end too. I just really liked how you worded this and it was fun to see pros and cons of the ‘perfect’ brothers

I think Beel is more than food too, but I just don’t particularly like him either way cuz I’m not really a foodie so I can’t relate with him lmao

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thespoonisvictory · 4 years ago

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I agree with your post immensely, this is why I prefer the European side of the dsmp besides a few select people. In general that friend group for the most part seems much more chill, professional, and down to earth. I don’t like to judge people because honestly we are all human but sometimes I just don’t think some people are mature enough to be in the public eye like this. It takes a toll on anyone, especially if you are extremely insecure, immature, or irresponsible. I mean this more in a “I think __ should get off the internet because it seems to be damaging to them” and not in a “lmao my faves are better” sort of way.

I think it has a lot to do with the fact that people like Wilbur have been on the internet longer, and have had time to learn and grow gradually. I feel for these creators suddenly sky rocketing in attention, I really do. Maybe it’s just my overly empathetic self but I feel like some people don’t take into account how life changing, anxiety inducing, and just all around weird it can be to suddenly become famous. You can’t go back. I recently watched Anthony Padilla’s interview with corpse husband and man it gave me a huge perspective on what these people have to deal with. I’d be so overwhelmed constantly.

Honestly when I see creators just constantly struggling with these things and so very clearly not coping I just want to make them take a break. Better themselves. If your platforms causing more harm then good to everyone involved it’s best for everyone to step back.

crit discussion of dream! read at your own risk!

I agree completely. the fact that sbi in itself is so stable is a small miracle that's mostly due to them being really fucking careful about boundaries, slow growth, and just really strong friendships and relationships.

tommyinnit officially has the biggest minecraft livestream of all time and has had no major controversy. wilbur is breaking into mainstream w his music with little controversy either. all of sbi in general has shared rocketing success with no controversy escaping outside of mcyt circles.

like, I cannot emphasize enough that tommy is more popular than dream on twitch and catching up on youtube, and doesn't have a tenth of the drama because he's not trying to pick every battle.

even beyond direct controversy, sbi and co has proved themselves time and time again to be responsible, mature ccs (for the most part), and I'm fucking thankful for it because the same cannot be said for the dteam.

dream finds himself in scandal after scandal without a chance to catch his breath, and I genuinely feel for the guy. he's just some dude who's harebrained scheme worked far better than he could ever imagine, and clearly has untreated mental issues. he needs to take a break, sort some shit out, and take it slow, because everything he's done recently has been sloppy and only invited more criticism. he's defensive, and scared, and can't seem to recognize that he is unable to fight every battle, no matter how valid or invalid.

he's also, just, bad at business. hiring teens, traced merch, attaching his name bad quality burgers, loudly trash talking the organizersof a beloved event, associating with neonazis, etc etc. it's messy, and he's too big of a cc to still be making these mistakes, even outside of the impact it's having on his mental health.

the same reckless persistence that brought him his fame will also bring his downfall if he's not careful.

#future talk #critical #dream critical

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hello-nichya-here · 3 years ago

Text

What would an emotionally burnt out Azula would look like? I think at one point during her road of redemption and recovery her mind was just unable to process and cope with all the overbearing endless thoughts, pressure, anxiety, mental illness and possible PTSD so that she just got too exhausted and shattered to care about anything, even dying.

This could probably happen after she thought she lost her bending forever so that in her eyes she’s just nothing. Not a disappointment, not worse than Zuko, not a loser, not a lunatic, she just thinks she’s not anything anymore. And as someone who personally experienced that feeling, it’s really easy to stop caring about everything in the world and just go along with whatever is happening in your life instead of trying to bother changing anything. Of course, I hope something or someone lights up the fire in her soul again and she can find the inner strength to keep moving forward and fight without necessarily fighting.

Also, I know this is very unlikely but I often wonder how Azula would look like if she chose a pacifistic way of life.

***

Oooohhh, this is nice. I hate the thought of Azula having her bending taken away (permanently or not), but her temporarely losing it or just believing she lost it due to her mental health declining could be very interesting, and it’d be even more rewarding when she gets it back (bonus points if she is even stronger than before). Maybe it was sort a Zuko in the second half of book 3 situation, with her new out-look on life making her bending super weak, or maybe she is struggling with depression and it causes her to lose the drive that allows her to bend, or maybe it specific with lightning since it requires peace of mind (though she managed to work around that when she was basically dissociating in the show) - that one is one my favorite because some time ago I read this idea of her not being able to generate lightining in her Agni Kai and that’s when she breaks down, and seeing her in such pain makes Zuko try to help her.

I feel like a pacifistic Azula would only be possible after balance has been mostly restored to the world and she has had enough proof that non-leatality would be effective and that the world is stable enough that she can use just her mind to keep people in check instead of having to actually fight them, and even then she’d be sort of like Gyatso, who was a pacifist but took down A TON of firebenders with him. After all, pacifism is not being someone who CAN’T be violent, ever, but rather choosing not be violent unless there’s no other way around it (hence again fighting people the entire damn show AND even haven been willing to kill Ozai when he thought there was no other way to bring peace)

Also, now that I brought up Aang, I think I finally found a way to put into words why the whole “Azula losing her bending so she’ll be forced to be a better person/will no longer be a threat” irks me. It would be just like saying that Appa should have died so Aang would have become “stronger” somehow. It’s adding pointless trauma to a character that already has too much to deal with, and it would get the opposite effect that people are hoping for because it would just push said character to their absolutely lowest point. The only difference is that Aang would still have his friends, meaning he’d have something to hold him back because he’d have something to lose, while Azula would have nothing and then, ironically, be even more dangerous than she ever was, be it before or after her breakdown.

#submission #azula meta #firebending #azula #aang #aang meta

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mwolf0epsilon · 3 years ago

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🌷🌻🌱🌲🌾☀️🌟🌈🍃 for all of your boys in armour. I find every original clone trooper to be really fascinating, don't you?

Oh boy Anon, this is a tall order you're giving me... But alright, here we go. Hope my boys are interesting enough for ya!

🌷- How does this oc take their coffee?

Bully takes his caf black. He doesn't like sweet things in general, because they cause him to feel nauseous.

Jawbreaker on the other hand, needs to have at least five sugars in his caf, otherwise he can't stomach the bitterness.

Pox cannot stomach caf at all because of his medical condition, so he sticks to tea. His preference is camomile with two sugars.

Lichtenberg doesn't like caf. He's more of a carbonated drinks kind of fella, and will easily become your best friend if you provide him with that sweet sweet carbonation in a can.

Pretty Boy can only drink caf if he has cream, sugar and other flavouring. If he can't turn it into an elaborate latte, what's the point?

Olly chugs espresso like a college student on finals week. It's a problem. Please someone stage an intervention.

🌻- What's this oc's mental health state?

Bully and Jawbreaker weren't doing great. They were severely traumatised due to briefly working under Krell, and needed a lot of support.

Pox is lowkey depressed because of his situation and is only still doing ok because he's a stubborn guy. Having company that isn't repulsed by his condition also helps keep his mental state stable enough that he's capable of being a functional adult.

Umbara and being a POW really messed up Lich's mental state, but his focus on protecting his brothers provides enough of a distraction that he's capable of maintaining a somewhat level head. He does have very bad days, however, and is on mandatory watch.

Pretty Boy is thriving. He's been the luckiest out of his three surviving batchmates, so he's suffered the least emotional damage. He does have bouts of survivor's guilt however, and that often gets him in pretty difficult moods.

Olly was a Coruscant Guard Riot Trooper. Obviously, his mental state is beyond appalling, and the only reason he hasn't cracked yet is because his batchmates and fellow Guardsmen actually give a crap about his existence, and keep him grounded.

🌱- Does this oc have any pets? Do they have any pets they want?

Bully never saw the point of keeping a pet.

Jawbreaker would have liked to have had a pet Tooka, mostly because he thought they were very cute.

Pox had a Ysalamiri that he rescued from a trap. It was wounded and severely malnourished, so it didn't live long, but he cherished the poor critter for as long as he was able to make it's last days comfortable. He misses it sometimes.

Lich has a fascination for snakes, and wouldn't have minded getting one as a pet. He just never really found the time to make that a reality.

Pretty Boy would have only gotten a pet if it was something exotic and flashy. But since he prefers to be the centre of attentions, it's very likely he would have foregone the idea completely and just gotten himself something to wear.

Olly has a fondness for massifs. Anoobas are also close second, and he definitely would have picked out anything loyal and trainable.

🌲- What is this oc's greatest strength and weakness?

As Arc Troopers, Bully and Jawbreaker's strength is definitely their adaptability and independent thinking. Bully is also incredibly loyal, and Jawbreaker is very nurturing. Both of them have trust issues, however, and are incredibly fearful of the Jedi.

Pox's strength is his stubbornness and desire to help others. As a field medic, it's his job to care for his friends and allies and he's damn good at it. Unfortunately his self-disgust and self-doubt often make him second-guess himself, which leads to him making bad calls on occasion.

Lich is a 501st trooper. His style is a bit unorthodox at times but it gets him out of complicated situations. He would have made for a pretty good arc trooper if he'd ever gotten the chance. His weakness is a very obvious one, as seen by the permanent scarring all over his body. He acts before thinking at times, and that gets him into twice as much trouble as he can get himself out of.

Pretty boy's strength is his confidence. He does things like he knows they'll always 100% succeed, and that often works out in his favour. Unfortunately, his greatest weakness is also his over-confidence...

Olly's endurance and stoic behaviour makes him incredibly resilient to most things. His disregard for his own safety, however, is borderline suicidal at times... Olly just doesn't care about what happens to himself, and that has landed him in medical far too many times for his brothers to be comfortable.

🌾- How does this oc get along with people they just met?

Bully doesn't trust easy and is often incredibly aggressive with people he's just met.

Jawbreaker is friendlier, but also doesn't trust easily. He especially has trouble maintaining eye contact.

Pox would prefer to keep people at arm's length. Not because he doesn't like making new friends, but because he's carrying a very virulent strain of pox that has gotten a lot of people killed. He'd rather be lonely than hurt others by accident.

Lich has that sort of friendly attitude that you can't resist. He's the sort of guy to offer you a drink at 79's and chat the night away if given the chance. He's definitely the extrovert of his batch.

Pretty Boy, like Lich, is very outwardly friendly. His self-centred and obnoxious over-confident attitude tends to piss people off though... He doesn't really know how to not make everything about him.

Olly would rather hole up in his bunk and watch some Holofilms than go out to meet new people. He's pretty introverted and happy being by himself for long periods of time.

☀️- Does this oc make good or bad first impressions?

Bully's first interactions with new people are often a shouting match or a straight up punch, so he's always making bad first impressions.

Jawbreaker varies, because oftentimes Bully is right there with him and souring the first impression...

Pox's unkempt appearance, reluctance to make connections, and his often overpowering body odour don't make for a very good impression... A shame considering he's a sweetheart.

Lich always makes a good first impression.

Pretty Boy always ruins his first impression.

Olly's status as a riot trooper slates him for perpetual bad impressions.

🌟- Is this oc good at expressing themself through words or do they have to use other means?

Bully isn't much of a talker. Prefers to act to express himself.

Jawbreaker is the opposite. He hesitates to express himself through actions, and has an easier time talking.

Pox's condition has rendered him mute, so in his case it's a mix of both due to his reliance on Sign Language.

Lich expresses himself entirely through a combination of words and body language. He's the sort of guy who just can't sit still in a conversation. Uses his hands a lot, taps his feet and whatnot.

Pretty Boy, like Lich, cannot sit still while talking. His words are a little more flowery, however, and he's an absolute flirt. He lives up to his name in most social interactions.

Olly has a hard time expressing himself overall. Between the extended awkward periods of silence and his stiff body language, one could assume he's practicing to be a gargoyle decorating a cathedral...

🌈- What does this oc like and dislike about themselves?

Bully likes the look of the black eye he's maintained from constantly picking fights. He thinks it makes him look more intimidating to others. On the other side of the coin, he dislikes that he shares a face with millions of others, and is lowkey jealous that Jawbreaker's face is so distinct.

Jawbreaker likes how soft his hair feels after he gets it cut. He absolutely hates his disfigured face, and hides it under a face-cloth whenever he's out in public without his bucket on.

Pox really likes his afro and beard combo, but the sight of his multiple scars from scratching the blisters and pustules he got from when he was infected with the mystery strain of pox he carries, makes him a little sick to his stomach.

Lich has a love-hate sorta deal with the Lichtenberg figures that cover him from head to toe. They're his namesake, so it's kind of a prideful thing, but also shameful since the incident that caused the scarring was idiotic on his part.

Pretty Boy likes his good looks, and often brags that he's the hottest clone that's ever been decanted. He dislikes that everyone believes that he's only a pretty face and nothing else.

Olly can't help but enjoy having a ridiculously long name. It fills him with a sort of sweet satisfaction that most people have to shorten it to their convenience, while his Guardsmen brothers and batchmates call him by his full name without hesitation. He dislikes the scarring on his face, since he got them in a moment of vulnerability.

🍃- Describe this oc in one word

Bully is resentful.

Jawbreaker is shy.

Pox is nurturing.

Lich is a dreamer.

Pretty Boy is cocky.

Olly is a protector.

#Star Wars #the clone wars #clone trooper oc #oc stuff #Arc Trooper Bully #Arc Trooper Jawbreaker #clone medic pox #clone trooper Lichtenberg #clone trooper Pretty Boy #riot trooper Olly Olly Oxenfree

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ducknotinarow · 3 years ago

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🍍🍎🍒🍉🍓🥝 for Nina uwu

|𝐅𝐑𝐔𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒 ♡ 𝐒𝐘𝐌𝐁𝐎𝐋 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄

🍍 : how comfortable is my muse in their body? how do they feel about their height, weight, strength, and body type? how important is being attractive to them?

As a kid Nina used to be very self-conscious about being tall having grown to be 5'8 growing two extra inches after receiving the super soldier serum. She's not as bad about it as a young adult but she can still be at times mostly when it comes to buying clothes.

Everything else nah she's very proud of being a "strong girl" even constantly trying to push her limit her goal is to lift a car one day. She has a more lean muscle build to her thanks to the serum as well and she's honestly shows her strength off to her partner Autumn a lot.

Nina feels everyone is "attractive" in their own ways and doesn't care too much for that anyway. She has always been more for the quality of people, not their appearance. And feels that should apply to herself as well.

🍎: how stable is my muse’s mental health? have they been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and / or conditions? do they have any undiagnosed mental illnesses and / or conditions? do they or should they attend therapy?

See this mostly depends on if I keep something that happens to her but I haven't really decided on that I will say something about copper her dog foreshadows that tho.

Nina did attend therapy when she was in foster care due to being labeled "a problem child" some things she picked up on so she does have a good handle on her mental health overall mostly because she has a very no need to worry mindset. As for condtions Nina dose have a bit of anexity and a slight case of PTSD frm the kidnapping by Hydra and being put into an experiment where she did she others in that testing die before her.

🍒 : how much does my muse value companionship? do they constantly keep people around them, or do they prefer to be alone often? do they have or desire to have many friends? do they see every meeting as an opportunity to make a new friend?

Greatly so. Nina was in a sense abandoned by her birth parents, and carried that information with her wondering what she did wrong for them not to want her. Which dose carry over when she was in the foster care system. Nina was rehomed so much growing up making friends wasn't very easy and once her reputation started to follow her it got even hard to get close to anyone. Steve and the rest of the avengers were the first people to give Nina a chance. Even with how rough around the dress she was at first. It's why she extended the same to the hydra experiment that later showed up and would become her sister. Even down to her relationship with her pet dog Cooper she treasures them all because she never had anything like it before she's not good about being taken care of more of caretaker on her end because as a hero she wants to fight to protect what she has now. Nina actually is very open and friendly with everyone she meets well almost

She doesn't strive to have a lot of friends but she is close to many other avengers characters and people outside the hero world like classmates of hers in her university. Nina is actually friends with street vendors around the city from when she was kid and kept some of those connections as she got older knowing the best vendors to go too ~~yes she took Brookyln to them when she made up the lie about halloween~~

🍉 : which of the four seasons suits my muse best, and why?

Nina loves summer its when the city is most active she likes being out int he warm sun for workouts and playing with Copper as well. It also when most food she likes is in season as well.

🍓 : how is my muse typically seen by others? does it ring true to who they really are? does their reputation matter to them?

Nina can be seen as a dumb jock in all truth and to an extent that is fair, she had a fast to react temper and tends to charge in with out thinking a lot. She can be seen as being dumb and to extent she is an idiot but Nina is actually very creative in her thought process, and works best thinking on feet it may seem like she is just rushing in with out a plan only to later show she started to come up with it in the middle of using her fists to talk. nina when she was younger also had a reputation as being a qoute on qoute problem child. Nina always had a want to help people even as a kid, bing taller did result in her being picked on but it also meant kids would think she was scary since she loomed over them and she started using that to her advagted but ended up getting into fights. No one ever cared to really understand what was causing this and kids didnt bother to point out Nina was standing up for them. Resulting in foter parents saying they couldn't deal with her any more. Any new family that took her in always saw here a a trouble maker from the start as well. Nina's rep dose matter to her but not too much she started using romurs of herself to aid in scary people off, but she dose feel inclined to show she isn't dumb by trying to think before hand but it dosen't work for her nina works best in the mist of a problem.

🥝 : does my muse have any ‘ unusual ’ habits, interests, and / or talents? do they hide it, or are they proud of it? When you see Nina they facts shes sporty is fitting its her and interst in the same vine are likely not too out there for to enjoy. But her interest in sicene would be unusual. Partly sparked by the fact she is seen as being unintelgent she acctaly always did the best in her sicene classes at school even going so far to read arctiles and such on new discoveris. Ninas main feild though is in enegierneing. He admiration for Captian American is no serect but she also dose have some for Tony Stark as well being a big reason she bugs the man so much and messes around in his lab. Despite the trouble Tony has shown and taught her some things and watched how she went to figure stuff out herself. Nina's weapon's first versions were gifted to her from Nat and Clint but she made all the modfactions her self. It has become a hobby for her make more equiment for herself or other memebrs. Nina is also crafty, it's not as much of something prides in but was a skill she picked up on from all her rehoming. -sewing/knitting Nina know her way around a needle and yarn better than the back of her hand. She used to mend her clothes often growing up, and used to make little plush toys for younger 'family' memebers in some of her foster homes. -prop making This is more because Nina loves to tell tall tales, she finds that sometimes though you need 'proof' -Jewelary making Nina's first merch for captian america was one she made her self. And she kind of kept this and grew the hobby into a skill of her own. A lot of her jewarly she makes herself and often likes using things she finds to make it like cystals or just items that can be repurposed for her jewealry needs. Fan girl: Nina was always enarmered with heros, she just became a super fan of them as well. Both fictional and real. Captian america is her favorite hero obvious even in her hero name and to having star on her own outfit desing. She dose have quite a bit of facts on other heros she has come to look up to and strive to be like. Fashion: I feel this will be the most unusal intrest. Not typical fashion of course she has her own punk rock style she tends to dress in outside her hero oufit. Most of this has a lot todo with the fact she well can dress up now. Her enjoyment of sewing plays in this as she dose alter many outfits of hers to fit to her likeing better.

#muse| nina rogers #meme answers #muse bio: nina rogers

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maximelebled · 4 years ago

Text

2019 & 2020

Hello everyone! So yeah, this yearly blog post is about three... four months late... it covers two years now.

I did have a lot of things written last year, last time, but the more things have changed, the more I’ve realized that a lot of things I talked about on here... were because I lacked enough of a social life to want to open up on here.

In a less awkwardly-phrased way, what I’m saying is, I was coping.

Not an easy thing to admit to in public by any means, but I reckon it’s the truth. Over the past two years, I’ve made more of an effort to build better & healthier friendships, dial back my social media usage a bit (number 1 coping strategy), not tie all my friendships to games I play, especially Dota (number 2 coping strategy), so that I could be more emotionally healthy overall.

Pictured: me looking a whole lot like @dril on the outside, although not so much on the inside. (Photo by my lovely partner.)

To some degree, I believe it’s important to be able to talk about yourself a bit more openly in a way that is generally not encouraged nor made easy on other social networks (looking at you, Twitter). I know that 2010-me would be scared to approach 2020-me; and it’s my hope that what I am writing here would not help him with that, but also help him become less of an insecure dweeb faster. 😉

Not that recent accomplishments have stopped me from being any less professionally anxious. Sometimes the impostor syndrome just morphs into... something else.

Anyway, what I’m getting at is, the first reason it took me until this year to finish last year’s post is because, with my shift in perspective, and these realizations about myself, I do want to keep a lot more things private... or rather, it’s that I don’t feel the need to share them anymore? And that made figuring out what to write a fair bit harder.

The other reason I didn’t write sooner is because, in 2018, I wrote my "year in review” post right before I became able to talk about my then-latest cool thing (my work on Valve’s 2018 True Sight documentary). So I then knew I’d have to bring it up in the 2019 post. But then, I was asked to work on the 2019 True Sight documentary, and I know it was going to air in late January 2020, so I was like, “okay, well, whatever, it, I’ll just write this yearly recap after that, so I don’t miss the coach this time”. So I just ended up delaying it again until I was like... “okay, whatever, I’ll just do both 2019 and 2020 in a single post.”

I think I can say I’ve had the privilege of a pretty good 2019, all things considered. And also of a decent 2020, given the circumstances. Overall, 2019 was a year of professional fulfillment; here’s a photo taken of me while I was managing the augmented reality system at The International 2019! (The $35 million dollar Dota 2 tournament that was held, this that year, in Shanghai.)

If I’d shown this to myself 10 years ago it would’ve blown my mind, so I guess things aren’t all that bad...!

I’ve brought up two health topics in these posts before: weight & sleep.

As for the first, the situation is still stable. If it is improving, it is doing so at a snail’s pace. But quite frankly, I haven’t put in enough effort into it overall. Even though I know my diet is way better than it was five or six years ago, I’ve only just really caught up with the “how it should have been the entire time” stage. It is a milestone... but not necessarily an impressive one. Learning to cook better things for myself has been very rewarding and fulfilling, though. It’s definitely what I’d recommend if you need to find a place to start.

As for sleep, throughout 2019, I continued living 25-hour days for the most part. There were a few weeks during which I slowed down the process, but it continued on going. Then, in late December of 2019, motivated by the knowledge that sleep is such a foundational pillar of your health, I figured I really needed to take things seriously, and I managed to go on a three month streak of mostly-stable sleep! (See the data above.)

Part of what helped was willingly stopping to use my desktop computer once it got too late in the day, avoiding Dota at the end of the day as much as possible, and anything exciting for that matter... and, as much as that sounds like the worst possible stereotype, trying to “listen to my body” and recognizing when I was letting stress and anxiety build up inside me, and taking a break or trying to relax.

Also, a pill of melatonin before going to bed; but even though it’s allegedly not a problem to take melatonin, I figured I should try to rely on it as little as possible.

Unfortunately, that “good sleep” streak was abruptly stopped by a flu-like illness... it might have been Covid-19. The symptoms somewhat matched up, but I was lucky: they were very mild. I fully recovered in just over a week. I coughed a bit, but not that much. If it really was that disease, then I got very lucky.

(Pictured: another photo by my lovely SO, somewhere in Auvergne.)

My sleep continued to drift back to its 25-hour rhythm, and I only started resuming these efforts towards the fall... mostly because living during the night felt like a better option with the summer heat (no AC here). I thought about doing that the other way (getting up at 3am instead of going to bed at 7am), and while it’d make more sense temperature-wise, that would have kept me awake when there were practically no people online, and I was trying to have a better social life then, even if had to be purely online due to the coronavirus, so... yeah.

I’ve been working from home since 2012! I also lived alone for a number of years since then. For the most part, it hasn’t been a great thing for my mental health. Having had a taste of what being in an office was like thanks to a couple weeks in the Valve offices, I had the goal of beginning to apply at a few places here and there in March/April. Then the pandemic hit, so those plans are dead in the water. I wanted 2020 to be the year in which I’d finally stop being fully remote, but those plans are now dead in the water.

Now, at the end of the year, I don’t really know if I want to apply at any places. There’s a small handful of studios whose work really resonates with me, creatively speaking, and whose working conditions seem to be alright, at least from what I hear... but, and I swear I’m saying this in the least braggy way possible... there’s very little that beats having been able to work on what I want, when I want, and how much I want.

This kind of freelance status can be pretty terrifying sometimes, but I’ve managed (with some luck, of course) to reach a safe balance, a point at which I’ve effectively got this luxury of being able to only really work on what I want, and never truly overwork myself (at least by the standards of most of the gaming industry). It’s a big privilege and I feel like it’d take a lot to give it up.

Besides the things I mentioned before, one thing I did that drastically improved my mental health was being introduced to a new lovely group of friends by my partner! I started playing Dungeons & Dragons with them, every weekend or so! And in the spirit of a rising tide lifting all boats, I managed to also give back to our lovely DM, by being a sort of “AM” (audio manager)... It’s been great having something to look forward to every week.

Something to look forward to... I’ve heard about the concept of “temporal anchors”. I had heard about how the reason our adult years suddenly pass by in a blur is because we now have more “time” that’s already in our brains, but now I’m more convinced that it’s because we’re going from a very school routine such as the one schools impose upon us, to, well... practically nothing.

I thought most of my years since 2011 have been a blur, but none have whooshed by like 2020 has, and I reckon part of that is because I’ve (obviously) gone out far far less, and most importantly there wasn’t The Big Summer Event That The International Is, the biggest yearly “temporal anchor” at my disposal. The anticipation and release of those energies made summer feel a fair bit longer... and this year, summer was very much a blur for me. In and out like the wind.

I guess besides that, I haven’t really had that much trouble with being locked down. I had years of training for that, after all. Doesn’t feel like I can complain. 😛

(Pictured: trip to Chicago in January of 2019... right when the polar vortex hit!)

Work was good in 2019, and sparser in 2020. Working with Valve again after the 2018 True Sight was a very exciting opportunity. At the time, in February of 2019, I was out with my partner on little holiday trips around my region, and, after night fell, on the way back, we decided to stop in a wide open field, on a tiny countryside path, away from the cities, to try and do some star-gazing, without light pollution getting in the way.

And it’s there and then that I received their message, while looking at the stars with my SO! The timing and location turned that into a very vivid memory...

I then got to spend a couple weeks in their offices in late April / early May. I was able to bring my partner along with me to Washington State, and we did some sightseeing on the weekends.

(Pictured: part of a weekend trip in Washington. This was a dried up lakebed.)

After that, I worked on the Void Spirit trailer in the lead to The International. In August, those couple weeks in Shanghai were intense. Having peeked behind the curtain and seen everything that goes into production really does give me a much deeper appreciation for all the work that goes unseen.

Then after that, in late 2019, there was my work on the yearly True Sight documentary, for the second time. In 2018, I’d been tasked with making just two animated sequences, and I was very nervous since that was my first time working directly with Valve; my work then was fairly “sober”, for lack of a better term.

(Pictured: view from my hotel room in Shanghai.)

For the 2019 edition, I had double the amount of sequences on my plate, and they were very trusting of me, which was very reassuring. I got to be more technically ambitious, I let my style shine through (you know... if it’s got all these gratuitous light beams, etc.), and it was real fun to work on.

At the premiere in Berlin, I was sitting in the middle of the room (in fact, you could spot me in the pre-show broadcast behind SirActionSlacks; unfortunately I had forgotten to bring textures for my shirt). Being in that spot when my shots started playing, and hearing people laughing and cheering at them... that’s an unforgettable memory. The last time I had experienced something like that was having my first Dota short film played at KeyArena in 2015, the laughter of the crowd echoing all around me... I was shaking in my seat. Just remembering it gets my heart pumping, man. It’s a really unique feeling.

So I’m pretty happy with how that work came out. I came out of it having learned quite a few new tricks too, born out of necessity from my technical ambitions. Stuff I intend to put to use again. I’m really glad that the team I worked with at Valve was so kind and great to work with. After the premiere, I received a few more compliments from them... and I did reply, “careful! You might give me enough confidence to apply!”, to which one of them replied, “you totally should, man.” But I still haven’t because I’m a massive idiot, haha. Well, I still haven’t because I don’t think I’m well-rounded enough yet. And also because, like I alluded to before, I think I’m in a pretty good situation as it is.

It’s not the first encouragements I had received from them, too; there had been a couple people from the Dota team who, at the end of my two week stay in the offices, while I was on my way out, told me I should try applying. But again, I didn’t apply because I’m a massive idiot.

(Pictured: view from the Valve offices.)

To be 200% frank, even though there’s been quite a few people who’ve followed my work throughout the years, comments on Reddit and YouTube, etc. who’ve all said things along the lines of “why aren’t you working for them ?”, well... it’s not something I ever really pursued. I know it’s a lot of people’s dream job, but I never saw it that way. I feel like, if it ever happened to me... sure, that could be cool! But I don’t know if it’s something I really want, or even that I should want?

And if you add “being unsure” to what I consider to be a lack of experience in certain things, well... I really don’t think I’d be a good candidate (yet?), and having seen how busy these people are on the inside, the last thing I want to do is waste their time with a bad application. That would be the most basic form of courtesy I can show to them.

Besides, Covid-19 makes applying to just about any job very hard, if not outright impossible right now. And for a while longer, I suspect.

(Pictured: the Tuilière & Sanadoire rocks.)

I’m still unhappy about the amount of “actual animation” I get to do overall since I like to work on just about every step of the process in my videos, but well. It’s getting better. One thing I am happy with though, is “solving problems”. And new challenges. Seeking the answers to them, and making myself be able to see those problems, alongside entire projects, from a more “holistic” way, that is to say, not missing the forest for the trees.

It’s hard to explain, and even just the use of the term “holistic” sounds like some kind of pompous cop-out... but looking back on how I handled projects 5 years ago vs. now, I see the differences in how I think about problems a lot. And to some extent I do have my time on Valve contracts to thank a LOT in helping me progress there.

Anyway, I’m currently working on a project that I’m very interested & creativefuly fulfilled by. But it has nothing to do with animation nor Dota, for a change! There are definitely at least two other Dota short films I want to make, though. We’ll see how that goes.

Happy new year & take care y’all.

#year in review

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chickensarentcheap · 5 years ago

Text

Sanctuary - Chapter Two

Warnings: brief mention of child loss, depression, PTSD

Tagging: @valkyrie-of-the-light (I told you I’d give you more soft Tyler), @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @alievans007

They work silently and diligently side by side; tearing up the wood planks of the old back deck in preparation for the new one they plan to build. Tyler had opted to take the first three days off after arriving home; no new or existing clients until he had a least seventy hours to spend with his family and to get all the shit done (or at least started) that he’d been putting off for months. The kid -he still calls him that, always having to remind himself that he is in fact, just shy of being a grown man- has been a huge help over the years: always stepping up to the plate when it came to learning new skills, helping Esme with the kids, being the ‘man of the house’ when Tyler was away and keeping an eye on not only the house but his wife and his children. He’s matured: taller, a slim yet strong athletic build, his voice much better. Yet there were times where Tyler still caught a glimpse of someone much younger; that terrified kid he’d been hired to extract, the one he’d had to give a fresh pair of pants to because he’d wet his own, the one who’d clung to him on Gaspar’s steps, sobbing that he wanted to go home.

The trauma had set him back a little. Maturity wise. And he still struggled with PTSD, depression, and severe anxiety. Being in a loving and stable home was helping that. He had responsibilities and priorities there; working hard at reno projects or with the animals and in the gardens. He was treated like he was one of their own; disciplined when he needed to be, expected to pitch in when needed. It had been a struggle at first: his own father had been non existent and an army of servants and other hired help had catered to his every need. He’d never known what it was like to have chores. The feeling of satisfaction it gave when a job was completed and you were given money for it. He’d rebelled at first; mouthy, rude, aggressive. But with the tough love he’d snapped out of it and calmed down.

His moods have settled over the past two years since his mental health diagnosis; mostly due to a host of meds, some of it attributed to a less stressful and more relaxed environment. He is a good kid. A damn good kid in fact. One that was well on his way to becoming a great man.

“Hot today,” Ovi says, as he uses the front of his t-shirt to wipe his brow.

It is mid June and the sun is high and bright in the sky. Hot for a standard summer in Colorado, especially so close to the mountains. But a far cry from the sweltering temperatures and suffocating heat and humidity that Ovi had spent more than half his young life growing up in.

“You’d think you’d be used to. You used to live in a lot worse,” Tyler remarks, as he tosses one of the rotted and weathered planks onto their quickly growing pile. Sweat gathers at his temples and beads on his forehead, and he pushes his baseball cap up and uses his own tank top to clear the perspiration off his brow.

“It never felt this hot there,” Ovi says, as he grabs a bottle of water from the cooler they’d brought out with them. “At least I don’t remember feeling this hot.”

“Probably because you were inside all the time. You didn’t have to do things like this. You could stay inside in the air conditioning all day, playing video games.”

“What did you use to do? When you were my age? Other than wrestle dinosaurs and drag women back to your cave?”

Tyler smirks. “You and Esme just think you’re so funny, don’t you. I turn forty and all the old timer jokes start. I see how it is.”

“I could have made it worse by mentioning all the gray hair that you’re getting,” the kid teases.

“Mate, all these gray hairs have my wife’s name written on them. Believe me.”

Ovi hopes up onto the edge of the deck, sipping his water while swinging those long legs back and forth. “Seriously though, what were you doing when you were my age?”

“I was already in the army. On my first tour in Kuwait.”

“That’s awful young to go to war. You were just a kid.”

“So were you,” Tyler reminds him. “When you fought your own war. I chose to be there. To make it my life. You were a lot younger than I was and you didn’t ask to put in the situation you were in.”

“I suppose…” his voice trails off. And he absentmindedly picks at the label on the bottle in his hands as he watches the kids as they chased each other through the grass; giggling and shrieking with no cares in the world.

“One day you’ll have some of your own,” Tyler says, as he helps himself to a beer in the cooler.

Old habits die hard; he’d gotten back into the booze when they’d gotten home from their second bullshit visit to Dhaka. It wasn’t nearly as bad as before; he kept things in moderation and was able to cut himself off it he felt like things were becoming problematic. He no longer had a reason to drown himself in a mix of alcohol and pain killers. The demons he battled weren’t as prevalent anymore; he was able to shove them back down into hell where they belonged.

“Think so?”

“Why wouldn’t you? Kids love you. You’re great with them. You’d be a good dad.”

His entire face brightens; an enormous grin spreading from ear to ear. “Do you think you’re a good dad?”

“I don’t know,” Tyler admits, and leans back against what remains of the deck. “I know the first time around I was a pretty horrible one.”

He didn’t think about it as often now. He remembers the days when the guilt plagued him; eating away to his core, burrowing through to his very soul. How he’d been struggling with the faded memories of his son until he’d nearly died on the Sultana Kamal Bridge. It had felt as if Austin had been right there with him. The sound of his laugh and his face as clear as day. He often wondered if it was because he’d been so close to death; right on the doorstep of seeing his son again. Now he only thought of him on special days; the anniversary of his death, birthdays, Christmas. And it wasn’t with an overwhelming sense of grief. But a bittersweet recollection of the good times they did have in his short six years.

His kids knew about their half brother; how their dad had been married before their mom and had had a baby. And he had told them -as best as they could comprehend at their tender ages- just what had happened to him: he got very sick and was in the hospital and the doctors couldn’t do anything for him. The twins had been confused; not fully understanding the concept of death. But Millie had been curious and asked a lot of questions. Even now she’d randomly come up with something. Wondering what he’d look like now and if any of them looked like him. If maybe she could go and visit him someday. She understood that he wasn’t an actual physical being any more. And in her mind he was in heaven where he was perfect and beautiful and healthy again. But could they go and visit where he was sleeping?

It was the first time that he had ever cried in front of his daughter. Reduced to tears by the sheer innocence and beauty of her request. And because he had absolutely no idea where Austin was. His ex wife had made sure of that. Her way of punishing him for his shitty, selfish choices.

“If I was a little kid and you were my father, I’d think you were a great dad,” Ovi remarks. “Your kids don’t have a reason to be scared of you. You don’t ever really yell at them, you don’t hit them. They know that they can trust you and that you can fix all their problems. They know they won’t ever have to afraid of coming to you and telling you things.”

The words hit home. Ovi wasn’t just speaking about his own father’s downfalls, but Tyler’s father’s as well. While Mahajan Senior was still rotting away in prison, Tyler’s dad was still back in Australia, as bitter and miserable as ever, and refusing to return any of his son’s phone calls.

“And most of all,” Ovi continues. “They see how you treat their mother. They see that you love her. That you don’t mistreat her. That you respect her. That’s important too. That they see their mother being treated well.”

“Well, she’s a queen,” Tyler reasons. “And she deserves to be treated like one. She’s done a lot for me. Since the first day we met. Putting her own ass on the line to help me. Then giving up her life and moving to Australia. I doubt it was the life she had planned for herself. Meeting some random bloke on the job and giving everything up for him. I’m not the easiest person to live with. I know that. I may not always be the best friend and man for her, but she still sticks around. And she’s given me four amazing children. I wouldn’t give her or them up for anything in the world.”

It’s the first time he’s been that honest with anyone, outside of his wife, about the way he feels about her. About them. About the life they have together. He usually keeps that kind of stuff closely guarded; always wanting to keep his private life just that. Private. But if he’s learned anything in the past five years, it was that life was too damn short to keep anything back. Because everything could be taken away from you in the blink of an eyes and you’d spend the rest of your life regretting that you didn’t say the things that so desperately needed to be said.

“I hope one day I find that,” Ovi says. “Someone that I love that much. Someone that loves me just the same.”

“You’ve got a lot of time left for that, mate. You still have a lot of living left to do before any of that should cross your mind.”

They lapse into a comfortable silence; sipping their drinks and watching as all three kids try to climb into the hammock strung between two trees.

“Can I ask you a question?” Ovi asks. “It’s kind of personal.”

“How personal?”

“It’s about girls. And sex.”

He’s honestly surprised that it’s taken this long for a conversation like that to come up. Not for a lack of trying on his part; he was always trying to get Ovi to open up about the girls he was dating and whether or not he’d had any sexual experience under his belt. And if he did, was he being careful about things? But Ovi would always get embarrassed and change the subject. Another sign of the maturity issues he struggled with, Tyler supposed.

“What about them?”

“When you first had sex, were you in love with the person?”

“I thought I was. But no mate, I wasn’t in love them. Not if I judge by what I know love is now.”

“How old were you?”

“Fifteen.”

“That’s pretty young. Do you regret it? Being that young?”

“I’ve honestly never thought about it. Why? Where’s all this coming from?”

“I’ve been thinking it a lot lately. About wanting to meet someone I love. Someone that I can give myself to in that way.”

“So you’ve never…you know…”

“No!” he exclaims. “Never! I’ve always wanted to be special. With someone special.” He frowns. “Why? Do you think that’s weird?”

“Nah, I don’t find that weird, mate. I find it pretty damn honourable, actually.”

His eyes widen. “You do?”

“It’s a personal thing, yeah? What we do, who we do it with, when we do it. Most guys would have long ago coughed up their V card. Just giving it to the first girl that showed even the remotest bit of interested. I think it’s admirable. That you feel the way you do. And that you’re able to stick with it. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. One day you’ll find the right girl. And you’ll know pretty quick that she’s the one you want to be with and experience that with.”

“Like you and Esme?”

Tyler laughs. “Let’s not kid ourselves. It wasn’t one of those love at first sight bullshit stories you hear about. Lust at first sight, absolutely. But love? No. It took a while for that to happen.”

“How long?”

“I don’t know. A few months maybe. She was already pregnant when it happened. One day I just looked at her and she just looked so beautiful with my baby growing inside of her and I knew I felt it. I knew there and then that I was in love with her and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Sometimes I think she thinks I only asked her to marry me because she was pregnant and I felt obligated to do it. But that wasn’t the case. I wanted to marry her because I loved her. No other reason.”

He had felt something before then. The inklings of love perhaps. The beginning of the journey of falling in love with someone. He had known he wanted something more than just a sexual relationship; they had chemistry, a bond unlike he’d ever shared before with a woman. And he’d been looking forward to exploring that when Ovi’s extraction was over and they got back from Dhaka. That had been their plan; spend two months travelling together and getting to know one another.

But sometimes life works in mysterious way.

“If someone had have told you five or six years ago that this is how your life would be, would you have believed them?” Ovi inquires.

“Honestly?” he laughs. “I would have told them they were fucking crazy. I never planned on being a husband again. Or having more kids. I thought it was a one and done for me.”

“But you’re glad right? That your life turned out the way it did in the end.”

He smiles as he watches his kids. All three of them now cuddled up together in the hammock, pointing up at the clouds and talking about what animal or shape they thought they were.

“Not just glad, mate,” he says. “Fucking ecstatic.”

****

He sits on the front porch swing watching the sunset; the streaks of vivid pink and orange that paint the sky. His hands behind his head, one foot moving the seat at a slow, even pace. Listening to the chirping of crickets and the croaking of toads and the other various sounds of wildlife waking from their daytime slumber. It’s a peace and a contentment that he’s never known before; being able to take the time and just sit back and listen and observe what most people take for granted. He’s tired; weary to the bone. A mixture of the two week shitshow that is now thankfully behind him and the work that he and Ovi had put in during the day.

He aches; the lingering issues brought on by years of injuries, his freshly cracked ribs, and the touch of sunburn that he sports. He’s glad to be home. Grateful that he’s lived long enough to see this kind of view again. To be able to tuck his kids in bed and kiss them goodnight. To be able to just stand beside his wife while washing dishes and talk about random bullshit. There was no need to talk about the job; he preferred to leave it behind him once he stepped back in the door and she preferred to stay oblivious to just what kind of danger he was putting himself in. She knew of course. How could she not? She had been in the game herself once. But it was easier for her to cope if it was simply out of sight, out of mind.

The front door creaks open and he glances, smiling at his wife as she steps out onto the porch in her bare feet. A mug of a steaming hot beverage in each hand and a faded and worn flannel blanket tucked under her arm. She looks beautiful; no make up on those smooth, youthful features, her hair tossed up into a messy bun, wearing a pair of sweat pants and one of his shirts. Every day he falls more in love with her. Seeing the way she adores and nurtures the children they’ve made together, the respect and love that she shows towards Ovi, that way she just carries herself with a quiet dignity and grace, even if she may be falling apart inside.

“What’cha doing?” she asks, as she hands him a mug of black of coffee and sets her own drink -a honey and ginger tea- on the ground.

This is their ‘thing’. For five years they’ve spent nearly every night -when he’s home and weather permitting- out there on the swing. It was their time together; outside of sex. When the kids were in bed and the world was falling asleep and they got to relax together. Rediscover all those little things that made them tick and had them falling in love with one another in the first place.

“Nothing,” he replies. “Just sitting. Waiting for you.”

She settles down beside him; turning her body towards him and tucking her legs into her core, covering her bare feet with the blanket and then reaching for her drink.

He wraps an arm around her and she scoots a little closer; so her head rests against his shoulder. “Coffee?” he asks with a grin. “Are you trying to keep me up all night?”

“Why would I ever do that?” she counters, and they both laugh. “This is how I seduce you now. There’s no more sexy underwear or dirty talk. It’s a cup of coffee sending you the message that I expect you not to fall asleep after round one.”

He snorts. “When have I ever fallen asleep after round one? You must have me mistaken for your other husband.”

“Awww yes,” she grins. “The rich one that comes over when you’re out of town.”

“What’s he like? Nice enough guy? Big? Could I take him?”

“You absolutely could kick his ass. No doubt about it,” she sips her tea, relaxing under the sensation of his fingertips and thumb softly gliding across her upper arm. “What were you thinking about?”

“Kicking your other husband’s ass.”

“Don’t be jealous, baby. He can’t do the things you do. I’m only with him for the money.”

“I’d like to know where some of this money is, then. Because we need a new roof and a I need a new truck.”

“Money never came through? From the job?” It happens sometimes. You do all the heavy lifting and you get royally fucked in the end. Mahajan Senior wasn’t the first time it happened. And it won’t be the last.

“Definitely won’t be the pay day that Nik promised it would be. But anything is better than nothing, I suppose.”

Financially speaking, they aren’t hurting. They are careful with their money and now that some of Mahajan’s assets had been unfrozen, he’d been sending them some pretty hefty checks in exchange for taking care of his boy. Child support, in a way.

“What happened?” she asks. “It was only supposed to be four days.”

“I’m surprised you want to talk about it. I thought you liked me to leave it on the porch when I got home.”

“Just curious, I guess. I suppose I feel like I have the right to know why Nik keeps sending my husband to these godforsaken shit holes.”

“In all fairness, I’m the one that picks which godforsaken shitholes to go to. She’s just the one that lets on that things are going to be easier than they are.”

“So what did happen?”

“Just a whole bunch of little fuck ups that when added together just made one big fuck up. Problems with the radios, issues with communication on both sides, a lot more hostiles that anyone thought there’d be, a mix up on where the extraction site was supposed to be. Just a regular old shit show. But it got done. Eventually.”

She nods, sipping at her tea. She remembers those days all too well.

“But it’s done. It’s over. I’m home now and that’s all that matters.”

“How long is it for? How long do we actually get you here for?”

“I call the shots, remember. I don’t have to take every job she brings my way. Hopefully she gives it a couple weeks before she’s ringing me or knocking on the door.”

“I hope so, too. Because I really need you to fix the toilet in the basement.”

He grins. “So that’s all you need, huh? You need me to lay a little pipe.”

“You’re such a pig,” she laughs. “And don’t sell yourself short. In your case, it is way more than a little pipe.”

“You’ve always been very good for my ego,” he says, and drops a kiss on the top of her head.

“Hey, I call them as I see them.”

“Kids asleep?”

“Finally. Those little shits. What is wrong with your children? Why do they have to be the way they are?” She’s teasing; saying it with the utmost love in her voice and sparkling in her eyes. “I can’t believe you wanted more than one.”

“Well one was twins,” he points out. “So we have four but technically we only went through it three times. So…”

“Don’t even think of following that up with anything. Nothing good will come after that. If you want another baby, you get your mistress to give you one.”

“Which one of the three?” he jokingly retorts.

“You’re such a dick sometimes.”

“Hey, if you can have another husband, I can have a couple mistresses. Don’t worry, babe. None of them are as good as you. I keep coming home, don’t I?”

“You must be a glutton for punishment. You keep coming back for more. Bet you’re wishing you were back in that little shack with bathroom chicken to keep you company.”

“Naw…” he gives her shoulder a squeeze. “…I’ll take you over bathroom chicken every day.”

****

They remain on the swing long after the sun has set. The moon full and bright; the velvet sky dotted with thousands of clearly visible and glistening stars. He continues to push that swing; one foot moving it back and forth, his arm still wrapped around her, her head on his chest. And he’s just beginning to wonder if she’s fallen asleep and he’s going to have to actually carry her inside when he feels her move against him. And when he opens his eyes, he finds her sitting straight up -facing him- staring at him intently.

“Stop being a creeper,” he teases.

“This coming from a guy who once confessed to smelling my hair.”

“That was five years ago and you took that way out of context. What I said was that you should be standing close enough to me that I could smell your hair. Not that I did I smell your hair.”

‘Bullshit. I bet you would lie awake at night sniffing my hair. You forget that I’ve known you for five years. I know what kind of weird shit you’re into.”

“Well smelling hair is not one of those things. Why are you staring at me?”

“I’m not allowed to stare at my husband?”

“Not if you’re silently plotting my death while you do it, no.”

Frowning, she reaches up and traces her fingers over the cut above his eye.

“It’s fine. I ran into a fist.”

“God I hate when that happens. You should have gotten that looked at. It probably could have used stitches.”

“Medic said it wasn’t deep enough. Just to let it heal on its own.”

“And your ribs?”

“Sore. But nothing much I can do about them either. Other than taping them. And I’m not doing that so…”

“You’re a stubborn shit even now, Tyler Rake. I thought for sure you’d grow out of that. Are you sure they’re just bruised? Because if they’re broken they could cause some serious problems and…”

He silences her with a kiss. Long and soft and sweet. “I’m fine. Honest. I’ve had worse.”

Wasn’t that the truth.

“I was worried,” she confesses. “When the fours days were up and you still weren’t coming home. I thought maybe there was something you weren’t telling me.”

“Like maybe I was with one of my mistresses and not really working?” he teases, and she scowls. “Things just went to shit. Things that were totally beyond my control. Believe me, I wanted to be home after those four days too. Who doesn’t want to get home and have to read Goodnight Moon half a dozen bloody times in a row.”

She smiles at that. “I missed you.”

“I know. You showed me that three times last night.”

“You’re impossible,” she huffs, and when she stands up and attempts to leave, he grabs her by the hips and pulls her onto his lap; her knees settling on either side of his hips.

“I missed you too,” he says. “A lot.”

“So much you had to ‘study’ alone?”

“Now who’s being a smart ass? And yeah…that’s part of it, I guess…but I just missed you. I missed sitting out here every night and just talking. I missed waking up beside you and seeing that sleepy little smile. I even missed hearing you bitch about me leaving the toilet seat up and dirty socks on the floor. I just missed us.”

She smiles, and taking his face in her hands, presses a kiss to his lips. “I can’t help but worry about you. I know you wish I wouldn’t. But I can’t help it.”

“I know,” he runs his hands up her sides and around to her back.

“You’re crazy you know. For going back to it.”

“I know that too.”

“I know I said I’d support you no matter what, that I said I was behind you one hundred percent, but it doesn’t mean that I have to like it. That I have to sit back like a dutiful little wife, ignoring the danger you’re in, pretending that it doesn’t exist.”

“I don’t expect you to,” his palms travel over her shoulders and down her arms, stopping at her wrists. Fingertips tracing a circular pattern on the tops of her hands.

“Aren’t you sick of this life yet, Tyler? Aren’t you sick of the bullshit? Of all the fuck ups and all the worrying and all the wondering if you’re actually going to make it back home?”

“The money’s good.” It sounds pathetic even to him. But it’s the truth.

“Good enough that you’re willing to die for it? When is it going to be enough? When will these goddamn suicide missions stop? A year from now? Two years from now? Ten? When you wind up crippled? Or worse, when you wind up dead?”

“I already told you just one more year.”

“You said that last year. And the year before. And the year before that.”

“Yeah, well this time I mean it. The kids are getting bigger. I’m starting to miss too much. And I see what it’s doing to Millie. When I’m gone for longer than expected and I come home all beaten to shit. I don’t want to have to tell her the truth. About what I’m doing. At least not until she’s older.”

“She idolizes you. There’s no one in this world that she loves more than you. As far as she’s concerned, you can do no wrong.”

“I guess she’s going to be real bloody disappointed years from now when finds out who I really am.”

“Who you really are is her daddy. That’s all that matters to her. That’s all that should matter. Come home, Tyler. To stay. No more running off. No matter how good the money is. Because I can guarantee that we need you a lot more than Nik does. Promise me. This year is the last one. You get this all out of your system and you just come home and stay home.”

“I promise,” he says, and laying a hand on the back of her head, pulls her into him. The kiss is slow at first; closed mouth moving upon closed mouth. His free hand sliding up the bottom of her t-shirt and up her back, fingertips gliding along her spine. And he feels her shudder against him when his feathery touch passes over the small of her back.

What happens next can only be described as a good old fashioned make out session. The type teens get caught up in on the couch in their parents’ basement. Hungry, demanding kisses, greedy hands exploring through the fabrics the still covering their bodies, his hands on her hips as she grinds her pelvis into his. Simple yet sexy enough to get him rock hard in his sweats.

They’re both breathless when he pulls away, running his hands through her hair and taking in her wide pupils and her flushed face and her heaving chest.

“Maybe we should go inside,” she breathlessly suggests.

“Maybe we should. Maybe we can even try for number five.”

She frowns. “Don’t push your luck.”

#tyler rake #tyler rake fan fic #tyler rake fan fiction #sanctuary #extraction

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theguyfromthepast · 5 years ago

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Hello Good evening to all here’s another blog but this time it’s part of my school requirements for the subject “Understanding the Self”. This new post of mine will tackle all about on how to cope with stress, anxiety and depression and what are the causes that will lead to it.

Disclaimer: All the GIFs and photos will be credited to the respective owners in the last part of the blog and all the GIFs are examples in application of what happened in reality -no pun and shade included-

As we all know, ECQ (Enhanced Community Quarantine) is already extended until May 15,2020 in selected places such as the whole city of Bulacan, NCR and CALABARZON region. As advice to us by the President we should remain to stay home for us the COVID will not spread that quickly. Staying at home for a long time has a big impact for all of us Filipinos. Sometimes, we feel isolated, stress and encountering anxiety because of the online activities that they give to us and sometimes having problems with the family. This is one

Let’s go to the Main topic.

Stress, Anxiety, Depression these three usually happens to us humans for the past couple of years already in our generation many people died because of this mental disease. What is stress, anxiety and depression?

Stress is the starting stage when there is something that will pressure us. For example, people usually starts having stress with a lot of school requirements to do in order to pass it early. When everyday if we always got stress with the requirements that’s were anxiety comes because people may worry that cannot pass it on time or they will not execute it very well.

Anxiety is the next stage were people started to think negative to ourselves. We usually think of negativity that comes to our mind.

Depression is the critical stage were both anxiety and stress combine into one. Depression mostly happens if there’s a big problem on body of a human physically, psychologically, and mentally. Which it needs a lot of medication in order for a person to have a stable mental health but it may depend on the situation of the person. In this GIF from priceofwarmclothes, actually this is from the series called “until we meet again” which you can watch it from Studio Wabi Sabi channel. This GIF is an example if a person suddenly started to cry if something usually triggers him on his mind.

What are the medications for stress, anxiety and depression? For me it really depends on the situation of the person. Because not all these mental disorders will be need of medicine. Medicine is only needed when it becomes crucial and worst. Simply, you will just need a medical check-up from the psychologist, psychiatrist or even a guidance councilor before taking medicine that is prescribed from professionals. Sometimes, the medication of these three is love, care and support from family, friends, relatives and professionals because it talks about the behavior of a person and not all of these disorder will be needing medicines for them to be better. Here is another example of medicine that will help someone physically and mentally:

First GIF below This is the Tay Tawan on the left side and New Thitipoom on the right.

For me, this shows on how clingy new is, because he wants to protect his best friend and he wants to make sure that everything will be ok for him.

Second GIF below:

This 2 young actors Bright Vachirawit(Sarawat) the guy who hears white shirt and Win Metawin(Tine) wears the black shirt from 2Gether the series is another best example for me. Hugging can be a huge impact to someone. Hugging is something we usually feel in real life in order to feel that we show our presence and love from our family and friends. Comfort someone with stress, anxiety and depression can be considered as a medicine.

My Opinion and experience:

In my experience way back senior high school, i’ve been struggling for my 2 years due to the toxic environment that i went through. Second, ever since i already have an issue with the family, i know that there is no such thing as a perfect or better family but there is such thing as a toxic family. My family is being toxic for almost 4 or 5 years and yet i choose to be strong in life because i know to myself that i still have hopes and dreams that i need to achieve in order to be success in life. I have no plans yet for the next chapter of my life after college i want to have a simple life just living alone, i don’t want to get involved with my family because i don’t deserve this kind of family and i will work hard and be more independent in life. My simple medication is just i always believe that my friends and my super friend God is always there for me. This experience reminds me of a song called Speechless by Naomi Scott, the lyrics said “All I know is I won't go speechless 'Cause I'll breathe When they try to suffocate me Don't you underestimate me 'Cause I know that I won't go speechless”. This really hits me hard and i always tell me to myself no to give up until i reach my goals in life.

This is the last part of my blog for now! I would like to thank my Professor for giving a consideration to do a blog instead of vlog. First and foremost, my internet connection couldn’t handle uploading a 10 min vlog of mine which it consist of 4.5GB due to the quality of the camera i use and the editing it was too much and i took 5-7 hours to upload it. On behalf on the other students of 1E3, We really miss you so much Ma’am Claudia Mendoza for the short term memories when it comes to face to face classes and i didn’t expect that i will learn a lot through my experiences and opinion and of course coming to my professor. I really wish this pandemic will end as early as possible so we can continue with the discussions face to face and make this semester memorable! Giving also a credits to the respective owners of the GIF they make especially @/Inkorns for the GIF for the intro since it was not included below.

#mental health #academic #stress #anxiety #depression #coping #bl drama gif #until we meet again gif #2gether #taynew

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ultravioletproxy · 5 years ago

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[Sona] Hine Cross (Proxy OC)

I've finally done it. I finally finished an actual sona reference up as well as finally completing a updated digital reference of HINE! I'm so very pleased with this and how my art has progress since his original reference, all those years ago... I actually was able to get up the energy to go fully in depth with his information and soon I'll get to his backstory comic going.

❖⊗❖⊗❖

Personality/ Mental State:

Basic summary; Hine is a VERY complex character. He has many layers to his personality which I'll try my best to explain. He is a quiet person with a lot on his mind, constantly bombarded with various thoughts which makes it hard for him to keep track of all that's going on around him. Hine "Zones/ Spaces Out" occasionally and does not realize that you're talking to him, he might even not respond to you in the middle of a conversation. All of these things may come off as rude; but he really doesn't mean to be. Later on in his timeline/ as he grows up, Hine becomes much more of an unstable person, laughing a little too loudly at things (and volume control in general), walking off in the middle of conversations, and tends to get a bit unhinged...

Hine has several mental disorders that can effect his personality:

⊗-Autism: Doesn't pick up on social cues, and it takes him a while to think of a response when in a conversion, in turn he pauses and stutters. With autism comes anxiety, if in a high strung social environment or decision, Hine may have a break down (Sitting down and grabbing his shoulders tightly), He does not let people see him break down, he will go to a private area to try and cool down before coming out into view and acting perfectly fine. This luckily, doesn't happen often as he's trying to cope with his social anxiety. During a conversation Hine may accidentally say something that he doesn't mean, like a mess up of words(Saying something unintentionally mean as he just didn't think how it would sound when spoken or combining two words together.)

⊗-Compulsive liar: He doesn't ever mean to lie, a lot of the times he feels as though a lie is safer than telling the truth and before he even knows what he's done, the person has accepted the lie as truth and he's too afraid to tell them that his response was false. This stemmed from abuse during his life at the orphanage. He currently is trying hard to pull away from this.

⊗-Minorly a Paranoid Schizophrenic: Sometime this disorder makes him feels like everything and everyone has an ulterior motive, even though the thought is completely irrational. Hine mentally beats himself up for having these kinds of thoughts as he feels like he's betraying his loved ones/ friends. The thoughts themselves tend to be of a violently disgusting nature as they try to convince him that everyone is lying. He rarely witnesses hallucinations, mostly just little shadowy things in his peripheral vision.

⊗-Hypochondriac: Do to being mixed with a Slender, and his fear of dying, he constantly feels like his body will just give out on him, or that any sickness no matter how minor will end up killing him in one way or another, he's very paranoid of random aches and pain, irrationally telling himself to accept the fact that he's just going to die.

⊗-Sociopathic Tendencies: Hine has a hard time grasping that other people are just like him and have emotions, thoughts, and a consciousness. He tries quite hard to convince himself that other people are essentially sentient like him.

⊗-Unintentionally Manipulative: When living in the orphanage Hine was treated poorly due to his lack of social abilities and therefore was mostly ignored by the caretakers and fellow children. He desperately tried to figure out ways in order to be able to get a break from the constant chores and duties that he was given since he would not participate in being social with the others. He(not exactly intentionally) developed ways to read people in order to get what he wanted, again, not in a particularly malicious manner. More of just a way of survival.

Habits/ Quirks, Likes, and Dislikes:

⊗-Quirks/ Habits: Hine has quite a few funny little habits. One being collecting, he just adores collecting various things from silverware, to plushies, to seashells, really anything he finds the least bit intriguing and holding sentimental value. He is a little bit of a pack-rat you could say. He also has a bit of a compulsion to essentially "preen" or "groom" himself. For instance; cleaning under his nails, picking fuzz off a shirt, or even idly pulling hairs. He also has a lot of trouble finishing hot drinks, particularly coffee as he tends to forget about them, they get cold, and then he's too lazy to heat them up. Hine is mostly nocturnal as bright lights make him disorientated. Another not so good habit include Stress Smoking developed from watching a certain Slender and a friend smoke and seeing how it relaxed them. He occasionally delves into cannabis (Once Mr.KittyKitty comes around) due to the many medical benefits it has, such as anxiety relief, being more talkative, painkillers, motivation, or to calm him down.

⊗-Likes: He loves long walks alone in nature, particularly next to streams/ rivers either in silence or with music. He loves listening to the wind through the pines, the birds chirping, the sound of rain hitting the underbrush, and classical music. He loves pickled foods/ the taste of vinegar, as well as eating, and cooking in general. He tends to be rather indecisive about his favorite foods as he likes way too many, although salt and vinegar chips, popcorn, pomegranates, and cherries are a few of his favorites. His favorite drinks are Earl Grey Tea and Shirley Temples. Animals he adores are Bears, Raccoons, Ferrets, Ravens, Barn Owls, Coral Snakes, and Cats. He absolutely loves to draw, he makes his own characters and story lines, he also delves into other artistic feats such as crafting, painting with water colors, and sewing. A good book/ movie in the supernatural or horror genre will keep him content for hours. He loves dark humor, and coming up with ridiculous jokes(Blaming that on L.J.), and has a penchant for spouting the most random of facts. He really loves to talk to others and tries his best to keep up with them even though he has a hard time figuring out a response a lot of the time. Lastly, he has a weird enjoyment for the smell of disinfectant chemicals and has a particularly strange fixation on tornadoes...

⊗-Dislikes: He very much dislikes crowded areas, physical interactions, cities, thunder/ loud noises. He's not too fond of overly cutsie things. He can't stand highly sweetened foods or drinks (Candy, Cakes, Chocolate); once in a while/ a craving is fine, but he'd much rather take a bite of fruit. He doesn't care for baking all that much except for making breads at which he's none too shabby at. He doesn't care for bright colors unless they're mixed with dark ones.

Relationships:

⊗-Significant Other: Is in a delightfully happy relationship with flannelRaptors's Character, Johnny.

⊗-Slenders: When he was young, Hine ran away from the orphanage, he found his way into the forest where lovely Splendorman welcomed him with open arms and tendrils. Soon after, Slenderman himself took interest in Hine and became some sort of a strange father figure to him. The other Slenders joined in with helping take care of Hine. Trender helped his practical artistic side, while Splendor helped him understand his emotions, social cues, and tame his wild mental health state, Slender was his stable rock, and Offender schooled him in street smarts and how to deal with the "real" world.

⊗-Other Creepies: As a quiet person, Hine mostly sticks to himself, however if the opportunity presents itself, he absolutely loves talking to and learning about other people's pasts, Likes, etc.

Basic Background Summary:

⊗-Past: When Hine was young his parents were murdered by a trusted family friend they’d met from the church they attended. This person in turn, kidnapped and tortured Hine for quite some time, until Hine was eventually freed. However, as a mentally scarred young boy, shipping him off to an orphanage didn't really bode too well and he eventually ran away to join the Slenders' care and eventually became a "Proxy" to Slenderman.

Basic Background Summary:

⊗-Appearance: Hine has many abilities as shown above, however there are a lot more details and catches than what's written on the reference sheet. As the acronym may explain, Hine does not have any eyes. In an accident in which Hine almost died, Slenderman gave Hine an essential blood transfusion. The Slender blood, being incredibly aggressive, took over a good chunk of Hine's DNA giving him not only Eyeless vision, but also tendrils, an extra set of blood vessels, and a whole new horrible form.

Slender Affected Abilities:

-Hine can still see, but he now has what is called "Slender Vision" which is a 360-degree sight range, meaning he can see in all directions at once, ultimately maddening when first getting used to it. This is one of the reasons why Hine is constantly distracted. The range of sight and focus can be altered however it is rather difficult to do so as he was not born with the ability. Most of the Slenders can see a good mile or so around them while Hine has a shorter, about 50 ft range. Hine, not used to his new vision, rarely turns his head to look at objects that he is focusing on, due to there not being a focal point of eyes, therefore he tends to come off even more blank and emotionless than he really is.

-Hine's tendrils are hidden beneath his skin in what are called "Ports". Hine has a total of eight "ports", 4 on each side of his back. The tendrils can painfully be pushed through his skin at will, ultimately piercing through his back. He's supposed to constantly leave them out so the holes can seal up around them (much like a piercing would), but to do that he would have to keep out of sight from all other non-slender beings, as him being half slender is a well-guarded secret. The tendrils can lengthen and split apart to form thinner smaller pieces due to their "braided nature". However, in the early stages all of Hine's slenderification, his abilities are all INCREDIBLY clumsy.

-Other attributes Hine’s gained include, but are not limited to: heightened versions of all the senses, Moderately increased strength and speed. A bit of an iron stomach (ex: can eat raw meat), and more advanced healing rates (the less severe the slower it heals).

-With all these benefits came quite a few negatives. For instance, until he gets used to it, Hine's depth perception and hand eye coordination is completely off. His two blood types sometimes mix and therefore cause him to become incredibly ill for short periods of times, his varying blood colors also result in a pale yellowish grey complexion. Hine’s body has an unnatural slimness to it; he experiences continuous, nonstop increase in height in addition to having disproportionately long and lengthened arms and legs.(He has to make his own custom clothing.) Due to these things Hine suffers from minor growing pains as well as occasional cravings for human meat/ flesh. (Inherited from the dietary nature of the Slenders)

I applaud you if you read this all! Here's a TLDR version of this massive piece:

Hine is a mentally and physically scarred orphan who grew up with all the Slenders as his family. He came close to death at some point, but Slenderman saved him by transfusing his own blood into Hine, resulting in a well-hidden secret. Hine got really cool abilities with a few pretty bad side effects and is now an official Slenderman Proxy.

❖⊗❖⊗❖

⊗-Terms of Service-⊗

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unified-multiversal-theory · 5 years ago

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by Lauren Rowello

A methylprednisolone medrol pack is just a flimsy foil case of 21 little, sour, white pills. If someone would have asked me a few weeks ago which prescription would be the key factor to beating pneumonia, I wouldn’t have pointed to that dinky pack of steroids. The loud roar of my nebulizer with its heavy, stable base, sterile tubes, and burdensome mask seemed more official. The indestructible metal canisters of my brand new inhalers looked more impressive.

I felt sick on March 10, a Tuesday. It wasn’t the kind of sick that anyone takes seriously. It was a shruggable dry cough in late winter. Yes, there were some articles floating around about some distant virus, but it was on the West Coast. It was overseas.

By Wednesday, I was pretty sure I had a fever, and my coughs became more painful, noisy and dramatic as the day continued. I lost my sense of taste almost completely and was short of breath. My spouse ran out and got the only flu medicine still available at our local CVS where no thermometers remained on the shelves. While I rested at home, I navigated emails and decisions about canceling meetings, classes and other plans.

By Thursday, I couldn’t take more than a shallow breath and I was spitting up globs of mucus into washcloths multiple times per hour. By Friday morning, it was challenging to eat without becoming fatigued ― without losing too much air to manage chewing. I finally queued up in a three-hour virtual waiting room to speak with a doctor via a telemedicine app. She diagnosed me with viral bronchitis in less than five minutes. I was quickly prescribed multiple medications to combat my worsening respiratory symptoms with instructions to check back if I did not improve.

I’m newly 29 without any high-risk diagnoses, but even with a pharmacy at my bedside, pneumonia developed in less than two days. With scarves wrapped around my face, I ventured out for an X-ray of my crackling chest and additional testing that was uploaded to the remote doctor. She decided I should be monitored more regularly while self-isolating and continued my treatment as a presumed positive for COVID-19, the disease caused by the coronavirus.

By the last day of my steroids, improvements were obvious, but the progress would be short-lived. My steroid pack finished its course on the morning of the 18th, and within 24 hours, I began to regress. The mucus in my chest grew darker and thicker again, and inflammation made me gag and choke as I tried to expel it. My chest rumbled on every exhale, and breaths became almost as shallow as they were before I sought treatment.

Because it wasn’t time for my scheduled check-in with the same doctor, I had to wait in another virtual line to speak with whoever became available if I wanted to avoid the emergency room.

After a few hours, I was finally connected to a provider who checked in with me about my medical history. She told me that she’d reviewed the notes and watched the recordings from my previous visits, then asked about my vitals ― which can be monitored through the app ― before getting to my reason for the visit. I explained between achy pauses that I was going backward ― and quickly ― but she shooed away my complaints.

I was more direct. “Can you extend my steroid prescription for another week? I think that was key to helping push through this.” She immediately shook her head and interjected:

“I don’t recommend that. That medication could lead to weight gain.”

I asked again. She declined, shifting the conversation toward the steps I could take to limit the spread: hand-washing rituals, daily disinfecting routines, social distancing.

When the session ended, I felt abandoned, furious and confused. While my mom and spouse networked so that I could find a new provider, I started researching the intersections of viral pneumonia, steroids and weight. I couldn’t even find concerns about weight gain for short-term users ― but I wouldn’t have cared if I did. I knew this drug was treating the inflammation associated with my most severe respiratory symptoms and shifting my immune response, that this steroid was helping some patients with COVID-19-induced pneumonia recover more quickly. I posted to Facebook about my frustration.

Comments were mostly supportive ― with face-palming gifs, shocked and angry emojis, words of solidarity. One mentioned malpractice; a few noted that they now opt out of weigh-ins for check-ups; some people told their own stories of medical and mental health providers bringing up weight when it was irrelevant and inappropriate. Another shared their fear that heavier people might not receive access to ventilators during shortages because they’d be misperceived as having poorer prognoses.

A few more friends chimed in to play devil’s advocate ― trusting that there must be a reason for the doctor’s comment. A relative explained that although it may have been poor bedside manner, the doctor could be worried about weight gain leading to future health issues, such as Type 2 Diabetes. A nurse mentioned that people with a body mass index (BMI) over 25 have worse outcomes and higher mortality rates ― but a recent study asserts that those categorized as “overweight” (with a BMI of 27) are at the lowest risk for all-cause mortality. Additionally, obese patients have better outcomes when being treated for a variety of ailments ― including significantly lower mortality rates when treated for pneumonia ― the illness this doctor should have been focused on. People with higher weights receive a lower quality of care from their providers ― including delays in access to treatments ― due to cognitive bias. This could be the cause of those worse outcomes and comorbidities my friends are worried about. During this pandemic, when health care providers are deciding whose symptoms are most urgent and severe, lack of access and decreased quality of care will cost lives.The comments in the doctor’s defense point to the internalized belief that being fat is bad, that being fat leads to other bad things. They point to subconscious patterns of thinking that guide flawed decisions, such as placing too much concern on some future weight rather than recovering from a tangible virus. We must stop justifying the health care industry’s obsession with weight ― and that starts with combating our own tendencies toward the same beliefs.I didn’t include my weight in the vitals connected to the app, so this doctor didn’t actually know that number or my BMI. She could only see my face on the screen. I suppose it’s possible that she made an inference about my weight based on a bad camera angle ― but her statement was more like a reflex, absent of considerations about my own body or experience. Since she couldn’t actually size me up with her eyes or a number, she made the assumption that any gained pounds wouldn’t be OK for anyone ― no matter their shape or weight. In that moment, she projected a cultural ideal onto my treatment ― encouraging the belief that it would be better to maintain my size than conquer life-threatening pneumonia.If you are a patient whose treatment is being stifled by a biased provider, you should seek care elsewhere ― but that’s easier said than done. My call wasted $50, and a second opinion would cost another ― or a much more expensive trip to the ER. What will happen to those who don’t have that kind of cash? Or time?Fatphobia will continue to negatively impact the quality of care all people receive if providers are distracted by weight standards or cultural ideals. During a global pandemic when actual or virtual lines for health care consume hours and providers are even more overworked than we’re used to, we cannot delay treatment due to cognitive bias.This doctor did not allow me to advocate for my needs, even though I was an informed patient. Her unwillingness to extend the use of a crucial medication during a pandemic demonstrates just how pervasive our cultural obsession with thinness has become. It took a few more hours for me to find a new provider, who proved glad I reached out and helped me find the right dosing to extend the steroids a few more days. My most severe symptoms have dissipated, and I know that I’ll be OK in time. I trust that these providers will help me make decisions about my health based on preserving my life rather than my waistline. But this experience serves as a reminder that if we hope to survive this pandemic, we must become fierce advocates who hold the health care industry to our own standards, unafraid to challenge the status quo.

#my posts #yes #this is a repost #bc apparently heavyweightheart has blocked me now #this is part of misogyny folks #anyways

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foofygoldfish · 5 years ago

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All for Willow

🍍 : how comfortable is my muse in their body? how do they feel about their height, weight, strength, and body type? how important is being attractive to them?

somewhat? being attractive isn’t important to her at all (except sometimes, when she’s alone with thomas - that’s a different situation, in her mind).

🍅 : how does my muse feel about plastic / cosmetic surgeries & procedures? is it something they have done or would do? do they mind if others do it?

she doesn’t really have an opinion - i doubt they’re really an option in the world she lives in, outside of maybe the bigger cities. even if it was, she wouldn’t actively consider it - if she was in an accident? yeah. otherwise? she doesn’t care if someone else does, but yeah, it’s not for her.

🍏 : how stable is my muse’s physical health? do they go for regular or semi-regular checkups by a physician? do they have any diagnosed illnesses and / or take any medication? how often do they get sick?

she’s (somehow) in fairly stable health - she does get regular checkups, particularly when she’s in hope county, but that’s mostly to check on her prosthetic and to fix that, not her. as for her immune system - she doesn’t get sick often, but when she does, she’s whiny.

🍎 : how stable is my muse’s mental health? have they been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and / or conditions? do they have any undiagnosed mental illnesses and / or conditions? do they or should they attend therapy?

officially, she hasn’t been diagnosed with anything, but she does have a decent amount of anxiety stemming from her years in the bunker and the years immediately after.

🍑 : how meticulously does my muse look after their physical appearance? do they spend a lot of time on their hair, makeup, grooming, and clothing? is there a particular reason why they do or don’t?

she keeps herself looking tidy, but with her job? it’s usually not practical to care too much. when she’s safe in prosperity or back in portland, though, she will take extra time on her hair and wear nicer clothes.

she hates being alone, honestly - it’s too quiet. she always has someone with her, be it thomas, leah, one of the residents of prosperity... there’s always someone. she doesn’t necessarily want friends - just a companion. if they get along well enough to be friends? that’s great, but it’s work.

🍇 : how would my muse describe their childhood? how much has it impacted the person they are now, or will become as an adult? around what age did they or will they start to mature, and why? do they wish to go back to their days as a child, or have they embraced adulthood?

from birth till age 10? amazing. aaaand then the bombs dropped and her brother died, and that kinda fucked with everything. her teenage years were rough, between coping with finn’s death and the whole “nuclear apocalypse” thing. overall, she’s adapted pretty well to this new world, but there are definitely days when she wishes she could go back to how things were before and spend time on her parents farm or go swimming in the big lake in town again.

🍐 : how intelligent is my muse overall? are they smarter than the average person, or less than? are they primarily self-taught, or did they acquire most of their knowledge in school? are they more street smart or book smart?

technically, her formal schooling if she had chance, she’d be excellent at jeopardy - her dad was a high school teacher and her mom a vet, so they were able to (pretty much) keep her and leah’s education going while they were in the bunker.

🍉 : which of the four seasons suits my muse best, and why?

aesthetically? she likes the winter. she thinks it’s pretty, and she loves watching mila and rush playing in the snow together. practically? summer, probably - it’s easier to move around lol

🍌 : is my muse inclined to help others, or will they only do it when it benefits them, if at all? what makes them this way? has it ever gotten them into trouble, or inconvenienced them?

she’ll help people, but only to a point - her team comes first, the people she’s protecting come first, but as long as someone isn’t an active threat? she’ll do her best to help them too. it’s something she learned to do very early on - things were rough in the years after the bombs, and she learned that no matter how much she wants to help someone, it’s not always practical.

🍊 : does my muse desire romance? is it something they would actively seek out, or prefer to happen more ‘ naturally? ’ what is their love life like? do they have any exes or past flings, or crushes?

she’s the one who initiated things with thomas lol - their relationship is more subdued, due to the nature of their jobs, but behind closed doors they’re very affectionate.

🍓 : how is my muse typically seen by others? does it ring true to who they really are? does their reputation matter to them?

she’s seen as someone that’s tough - she is, but when she’s not working? she’s a total softie.

🥝 : does my muse have any ‘ unusual ’ habits, interests, and / or talents? do they hide it, or are they proud of it?

so many people are surprised that she enjoys sewing and knitting - she thinks it’s calming (and practical) but... nobody expects it.

🍋 : what kind of diet does my muse have? do they eat regularly, or the standard 2-3 meals a day? do they have to be reminded to eat, or are they likely to remind others? do they cook, or have others cook for them? do they eat healthily, or not so much?

she’ll pretty much eat whatever, but if she isn’t on the train, she frequently has to be reminded to eat lol

🥭 : how important to my muse is their hometown, or where they’re from? are they proud of it, or considered a hometown hero? did they move away, or do they wish to?

she hasn’t been back to michigan since she first left, and she misses it - someday she wants to get back out there with mila and baby leah, to see if her old farm is still there, or if any parts of her hometown have survived, and if any of her old friends are still around. she doesn’t expect much, but she just needs to know.

#sharky-broshaw #asks #willow keene #fcnd

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vaniri · 6 years ago

Text

Eye of the storm [Arthur Morgan x Reader] - CHAPTER 1/2

warnings: tuberculosis 😧 (this fic takes place in the middle of chapter 6), light smut (the good stuff comes in chapter 2 😏), a bit of angst? Just loving our ill cowboy ;_;

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You sighed tiredly, leaning against the Saint Denis Stable wall. It was a hard day and you would be the happiest person alive if it finally ended. First, the stagecoach you tried to rob turned out to be completely empty, as all its passengers (and their precious belongings) disembarked at Emerald Ranch. Later, when you were going back to Rhodes to have a talk with your discouraged friend, who had tipped you off about this "wonderful opportunity", you got ambushed. By the damned Lemoyne Raiders! It wasn't the first time that happened, and you were not alone, but you absolutely hated being swooped by these obstinate morons. The fight was tough, but somehow you managed to survive mostly unaffected. Unfortunately, your poor horse, your beloved four-legged friend, wasn't that lucky and got a bullet.

It didn't look that bad, but still scared the shit out of you. You loved this creature and couldn't even think of losing her. You tended to her wound the best you could, but you weren't an expert, so you decided to take her to the city, where the stable owner could examine her properly.

Now you were watching as the man carefully inspected your horse, saying nothing but getting a bit impatient. He was quiet for too long, you thought, and that made you feel uneasy. You moved your gaze to your girl, standing motionlessly where you'd halted her and letting the owner scrutinize her whole without any objections, like a good horse she definitely was. She seemed calm and relaxed under the owner's touch, but in her eyes, fixed on you all the time, you saw she was just waiting for a sign to leave this place.

In other words: she was behaving as usual. That was a good sign.

"Seems like the bullet just grazed her, it's nothing serious." The owner informed, snapping you out of your musing. "She'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" You approached him swiftly, still uncertain. "And is it the only wound? Those... people who tried to rob us, they were fierce. We got under a spray of bullets in seconds, it's a miracle we got out of there alive."

"Her wound may look serious, but I assure you, miss, that it's nothing dangerous. There's no bullet inside, that's for sure. And I didn't see any other injuries, but I'll check again to be certain. I'll clean this one so it doesn't get infected, but she needs to rest now, at least for a day or two, and she'll be fully recovered soon. Would you like to leave her here for a while?"

You were going to agree, but your answer was cut off by sudden coughing, coming from the street. Your heart lurched with fear as it was growing louder and harsher with every second. You excused yourself from the conversation and rushed out of the building, where you knew your companion had promised to wait for you, after paying a visit to the gunsmith.

You found him doubled over by the stable wall, with one of his hands resting on it for support. The other one was clutching his chest, as if trying to ease the pain the coughing was visibly causing. His fit was violent, but fortunately ended pretty quick, and the man could breathe again. He hawked up what was irritating his throat and spit it out on the muddy sidewalk. Not wanting to look at it, he raised his head and then noticed you, watching him with a worried expression on your face. He immediately wiped his mouth with the back his hand and straightened up, trying to look as if nothing had happened. But you noticed the stain of blood his mouth left on his sleeve.

"Arthur?" You didn't even try to hide your concern. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. That's nothing." He waved his hand dismissively, covering his spit with his foot. "It's this air. Heavy with smoke from all these factories. It's hard to see anything here, let alone breathe with that shit."

You knew it wasn't the air. It was tuberculosis. It's been weeks since he got the diagnosis. During that time his health was deteriorating rapidly, due to terrible accommodation conditions, severe malnutrition, as money at camp was tight and food scarce, and constant stress and pressure some of the gang members put him under. Mostly Dutch, who was exploiting him as if he hadn't noticed the state his "best man" was in. Granted, Arthur did his best to hide the fact that many actions he used to take almost effortlessly before, now became difficult and exhausted him more with every day; but certain symptoms he'd developed were hard to miss. He couldn't deny he got weaker and visibly thinner. He blamed it on the shortage of food, but the truth was he had problems with ingesting even small meals. He had also trouble sleeping, as his coughing often jolted him out of his slumber, and when it did, his recurring night fever shot chills through his body, keeping him awake. Arthur of course tended to marginalize his condition, assured everyone who asked about his health that he was fine and his debility was just a temporary inconvenience. But you knew the truth, you saw it in his tired eyes and despondent face. Every day you watched him wither, succumb to the disease, and it filled your heart with trepidation.

"Yeah, I can feel it too." You played along, trying to lift his spirits. That illness was not only destroying him physically, but also mentally. "It burns my lungs and prickles my eyes. What an awful district to live in."

"The whole city is awful. When we're leaving?"

"Not so soon, I'm afraid. My horse needs to stay here for a while."

"How's she?"

"She'll be fine, but she needs to rest."

"You'll ride with me, then."

"We won't get to Beaver Hollow before night and I'd rather not risk getting into another shooting today." You raised your eyes to the sky. There was probably less than an hour left before the sunset, and riding through the Roanoke Ridge forest in the dark, especially when Murfrees were on the rampage, was a death wish. Which was very convenient for you - your current camp was a depressing place, where people only yelled and accused each other of being disloyal, and you took literally every opportunity to excuse yourself out of it. "Besides, you know I couldn't sleep, being so far away from my girl. It'll be better to stay around tonight."

"So we're setting camp outside the city."

"Where, in the bayou? Gators will eat us in our sleep. Or mosquitoes, those nasty little suckers. I'd rather stay here, in Saint Denis."

"I don't think it's a good idea."

"It is. The air is usually better where the saloon is, and a warm meal and some good sleep in a comfortable bed wouldn't harm you." You hopelessly believed that this could somehow improve his condition. Even a little. Because what else could you do for him? "Come on, Arthur. It's just one night, maybe two, in comfort and silence, away from all that bickering at camp. I'll pay for it. And for a bath." You eyed him up and down. "You definitely need one. With a bath lady, if you insist."

Arthur let out an exasperated sigh. He would rather sleep surrounded with gators and mosquitoes than in this damned city, but he knew better than to argue with you, you could be pretty adamant when it came to the matters involving his well-being. Besides, a warm bath didn't sound that bad. Nor did a bed that wasn't an old sleeping bag on the muddy ground. Especially if you would sleep beside him.

"Bath lady won't be necessary."

********************************

You sat on a creaky, but fairly comfortable bed, looking at a clock standing in the corner of your rented room. It's been a while since Arthur had left to take a bath, you realized. Well, he probably needed to do more scrubbing than you could have expected. At least his absence gave you a couple minutes to just sit and enjoy your moment of respite. You could get used to living like this: having a little house, or at least a room somewhere, a quiet and warm place of your own, where no problems of this world mattered. There would be no gangs, no robberies, no obligations to Dutch or anyone else, no bounties on your heads. Just you and Arthur, living your live peacefully together.

Oh hell, the bounty! You should have checked and made sure there was no prize on Arthur's head anymore - for that bank heist the gang had pulled a couple of weeks ago - before you decided to stay here. But you didn't see any posters with his face, or even anything resembling it, on the way to the saloon, and if you remembered correctly, Arthur had visited the city several times after returning from Guarma, without getting arrested. So you could probably assume that Saint Denis had forgotten about his sins. They always did. Still, you'd rather keep a low profile, just for sure.

You flopped down on your back and sprawled comfortably on the mattress, closing your eyes. Your life would have surely been much easier and filled with fewer problems if you hadn't been an outlaw. Not that you really regretted your life choices, you would have been much worse if it wasn't for Dutch and his gang. You should consider yourself lucky; they found you in your darkest hour, took you in, and cared for you when no one else did. They taught you how to survive in this harsh world, they showed you their ways, and let you become one of them. They became your family.

A family that was being torn apart for weeks. Not many things in your life hurt you more than seeing them all like this, at each others' throats and questioning their bonds. Sometimes you felt like everything around you was falling apart. But despite the pain it caused, you had to stay strong, for your own wits and for Arthur, who needed you sane more than anything else now.

"Sleeping already?" Came unexpectedly from the door. You opened your eyes and propped yourself up on your elbows, watching your companion enter the room.

"Almost. What took you so long? I've been starting to worry that you changed your mind and went camping in the bayou."

"Can't say it ain't tempting, but no. I went downstairs, tried to eat something. But" He shook his head with resignation. "you know."

"Yeah, I do. You planning to go back there, or head to bed? Because if the former, I need to remind you that we should lay low, even more than usual. No excessive drinking, no crazy business."

"Going to bed sounds easier."

"Your kingdom awaits, then." You sat up and patted the sheets beside you. "Clothes off. This ain't your cot, you ain't going to bed in these dirty rags."

"Rags, ouch." He feigned a pained expression, but obediently took off his shoes and unbuckled his belt. "These are the finest clothes in this city."

"I see remnants of mud on your knees. And something that looks like dried blood on your shoulder."

And that blood on your sleeve.

"Your clothes may be the prettiest in the state or look like taken off a destitute, you know I don't really mind. But they're still dirty. Off with them, now."

"Fine, fine."

Not giving a damn about decency and averting your gaze, you were watching as Arthur took his vest off and shucked off his suspenders, then slid his pants down his legs and slowly unbuttoned his shirt. You saw that contented smile that tugged at his lips when he noticed how engrossed you were by his little show and you nodded appreciatively, letting him know that you really liked what you had before your eyes. Even though it wasn't the same sight as a couple of weeks ago. Sure, his muscles were still well-defined and his shoulders to hips ratio absolutely breathtaking, as you tended to describe it, but he was noticeably thinner. His union suit wasn't as tight on his body as it used to be. It hung loosely around his certain parts, indicating that the man was still losing weight, even despite your persistent attempts to keep it on a more or less constant level.

"Hey, what are you doing?" He asked surprised when you got up off the bed, at the exact same moment he sat beside you, and picked up the trousers he left on the floor, along with the rest of his clothing.

"Taking care of your rags, so they won't look like literal rags tomorrow?" You folded them neatly and put on the sofa standing by the window. You did the same with his vest, and his shirt you slung over its back. You really tried not to look at that smear of blood on its sleeve, but your eyes darted to it before you could stop yourself.

"I could do this, you know?"

"But you didn't. And if I wasn't here, you'd rather leave them scattered around the room and slip them on as you found them tomorrow. Don't say that's not true, I know you too well, Arthur Morgan. I really do."

You were always around him, since the day Dutch let you in. Something drew you to this violent, but always effective and getting his job done man, he quickly became your role model and you looked up to him in literally every aspect of your new outlaw life. You wanted to be strong like him, intimidating like him, and as good or even better at shooting than him. You were watching him at every occasion, trying to learn and mimic his moves, expressions, his ways with the gun. Arthur wasn't particularly happy that you tagged along with him wherever he went, but you were never intrusive or really bothering him, so he accepted that fact and eventually got used to your presence. Sometimes he even taught you a thing or two, just to make sure you could handle yourself well.

You didn't even realize when it turned into something more. You stopped watching and only looked at him, enthralled by his handsome features. You gave up trying to become like him and just enjoyed the time you could have spent together. You really wanted to know him better but it wasn't that easy, Arthur had built so many walls around himself that going through them seemed nearly impossible. But you were patient. You made him feel comfortable around you; you listened to what he had to say and talked when he wanted to talk. You were always the first to cheer him up when he had a bad day, you took care of him and showed affection when he needed it. You became his real friend, with who he was comfortable enough to discuss literally every matter of his life, or just sit in complete silence for hours. He didn't even realize when he fell for you, but when he did, he didn't fight it, didn't try to push you away, didn't let the fear caused by his previous experience ruin it all. He trusted you and knew that you wouldn't leave his side, no matter what.

You two were officially a couple for quite a long time now, and riding together for even longer. You robbed people together, plundered houses together, stole horses sometimes, and even started some bar fights. Well, usually you did, but Arthur always ended them. You were through a lot, shit like Blackwater included, and you knew you could always rely on each other. The bond between you two grew stronger than anyone could have ever imagined and you considered yourself the luckiest person on Earth for having Arthur in your life.

"I'll try to deal with these stains tomorrow's morning." You promised, a bit tiredly, sitting beside him.

"You don't have to. I can live being a bit dirty."

"Oh, I know. But I'll do it anyway, try to make you look like a decent man. As always, and despite your strenuous attempts to remain a dirty cowpoke. Hmm, maybe fighting with you over that matter became my hobby at some point of my life?"

"You have a very weird hobby then, miss."

"I'm of a very peculiar kind."

Arthur chuckled, lightly, so it didn't provoke any coughing.

"Yes, you are. But you know what? You could be strangest woman in this country and I would still pick you over anyone else." He declared, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you closer.

A warm smile tugged at your lips when Arthur kissed the side of your neck. He took your chin in his hand and turned your face towards his, made you look him in the eyes. Then, he gave you more soft kisses, first on your forehead, next cheeks, nose, and the last one where you wanted it the most. It always surprised you how gentle that usually tough and violent man could be with you, how passionate this allegedly heartless outlaw became when his lips were on yours. You purred excitedly when his hand left your face and slid down your body, to your thigh, where it rested suggestively close to your crotch.

"I've got the impression you may want something." You remarked, breaking the kiss.

"Really? What gave me away?"

"It was a wild guess."

Maybe his hand, now caressing your heat through the layers of your bottom, was some kind of a hint. Or maybe it was Arthur's lips, working their way down your neck, tenderly kissing and sucking every bit of skin they reached. Yeah, you could definitely tell that he was in the mood.

"...And that's the moment you tell me to back off, ain't it?" He noticed pretty quickly that despite the fact you let him do anything he wanted with your body, you clearly weren't into it yourself. You didn't even touch him once.

"Sorry, Arthur. It's been a hell of a day. I'm exhausted. That would be a real shame if I fell asleep while you was fucking me."

"Something's wrong, am I right, [Y/N]?"

Making love with Arthur was absolutely wonderful. You loved the way he pampered your body, and how adored and wanted you felt under his lustful gaze and tender touch. You loved how he reacted to your displays of affection, how he wasn't scared to open up and show his vulnerable side, and that he let you worship his body. You knew Arthur had his demons, the ones that completely distorted his own body image and undermined his self-esteem. But he learned to believe your words of adoration more than the whispers in the back of his head. He trusted your love more than his intrusive thoughts.

His illness changed a lot in your relationship. Not the way you felt about him, obviously, but how you perceived certain things. You became more observant, more aware of the consequences your actions may have had, and some of them took a serious toll on your man's condition, you found out. Now you had to be a responsible woman and put Arthur's well-being first, take proper care of him before you could take care of his carnal desires. You couldn't recklessly make love every day anymore, as his deteriorating health was putting more and more limitations on his body. It couldn't always keep up with what his mind craved, so you had to be more cautious now.

"I'm sorry Arthur. I'm not in mood."

"It's okay. I understand." He took you in his arms and gently kissed the top of your head.

"I'm just... worried." You tried to explain yourself. "That coughing fit at the stable, I can't push it out of my mind, I don't know why. I know you had them worse before, but this one scared me so much."

"Shhh, I know this whole situation is hard for you, but try not to think about that. I'm feeling okay now. Even more than okay, having you here." He pulled you tighter against his chest.

You calmed down a little, listening to his still strong and steady, but a bit faster than usual heartbeat. You didn't like it when he saw you like that, concerned and unsure. But honestly, you'd rather be sincere with your man than hide your fears away and lie to make him believe that everything was alright. He wasn't that stupid.

"Can we just go to sleep now?" You asked pleadingly. "I'm really tired."

Arthur didn't oppose. After you undressed and put your clothes beside his, he took you back in his arms and lay down on the bed with you on top of him, locked in his loving embrace. You snuggled up to his chest, tucked your head under his chin, and drifted off almost immediately, lulled to sleep by soft music coming from the saloon downstairs.

#red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #arthur morgan #arthur morgan x reader #rdr2 fanfiction #fanfiction #duck pecks her keyboard #I GAVE UP ON THIS FIC :D

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