#i think it hit so hard because
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"This Side of Paradise" is a whole mess and I hate almost every part of it, but boy would I be lying if I said I didn't absolutely cry my eyes out at that scene of Kirk all alone on the Enterprise bridge.
"I'm beginning to realize just how big this ship really is, how quiet."
I am being wrung like a wet towel.
#i think it hit so hard because#in that scene it felt like my perception of the events and what the ep actually wanted to communicate were perfectly aligned#like YES he does feel dreadfully alone and that he has lost control and has no idea how to get it back. you got it right this time congrats#whereas with the Spock and Leila bits those were miles apart#“I finally felt happy” so sorry they made you say that my dude. i know that's not right#this really is one of those tos eps that's like “consent? for men? never heard of it.”#star trek tos#this side of paradise
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Part 2 finally! Part 3 to come soonish,,,
You can find part 1 here!
#my art#rottmnt#tmnt#rise of the tmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rottmnt casey jones#casey jr#casey jones jr#casey jones#rottmnt casey jr#rottmnt future leo#future leo#oh my god i had so much fun with this#made lizzie scream#anyway some hard truths are laid out!#because leo NEEDS his kid to understand#and the only way leo can PROTECT him is to PREPARE him#theres no soft hits in the apocalypse#also consistent art style?#whos she i dont know her#she doesnt go to this school sorry#i will TRY to keep proportions acurate but PLEASE dont pay attention to it otherwise#playing the rules hard and fast here we dont stop for even consistency#anyway#dont think about F!leo thinking about his kids death#dont do it dont do it dont do it
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So Act 3 is going great,
#isat#isat spoilers#(?) I suppose#isat siffrin#in stars and time#god this game’s writing is so good#AND I AM SO INTRIGUED…. by Everything. all of the time#also all of the friend quests are so fucking good and well written and hit so hard awgh#I think Odile’s and Mira’s have to be my favorite simply because they hit harder for me personally. but they’re all So stellar and flawless#looking forward to continuing the game as always!#my art
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guess who just spent 15 minutes of their lifetime transcribing a 4 minute clip of pearl rambling about life series on stream (29/10/2024)
anyway i can’t upload the video (too long) here’s the transcript anyway (also long)
Pearl: Um, alrighty. By the way, I wanna— I’m, I’m curious, I wanna know, okay, it— when it came to… Secret Life, why did people think I— I betrayed Gem completely? Wouldn’t me teaming with Gem have betrayed Scar? I wanna know where all this, like, super [word that i can’t place for the life of me. solar???] “Pearl betrayed Gem” came from. (laughs)
I understand, I killed her at the end. And we teamed up for a moment. But Scar was on our side and not trying to kill my allies. That was my team from the beginning. Gem, was always trying to kill ‘em. So how… how is that not a betrayal in any… like it kinda has to be quote unquote betrayal, but technically Scar was allied with me more? (laughs)
“Scar was distinctly not on anyone’s side” Did anyone watch my finale? ‘Cause, he was teamed up with us. Gem was trying to kill us in that last episode. So, logically, I would fight with the person who’s not trying to kill my team. [Freudian slip]
So I just wanna know, how did I do the betraying in that instance? (laughs) “From her POV it was a betrayal” Ahh, it’s a belief system, huh? (laughs) But it’s funny. I like it. I was just curious what, uh, put the nail in the coffin for that belief. ‘Cause I’ve seen it come up a little bit lately, and apparently I’m the one that betrayed.
(laughs) I dunno about that one. Curious. Curious, curious, curious. (laughs) Technically, whichever way I’ve gone, I would’ve went— it would’ve been betraying somebody, right? If I’d turned around and killed Scar, I would’ve betrayed him, because he was allied with us at the end. And then killing Gem obviously, same. But, when it came to that, I actually let Scar— I think I hit her once. Otherwise it was Scar. I did one whack, and then I stood back and let him kind of rock and roll. And uh, make it— make it between those two. So it was an interesting finale, that one.
But, something that people have mentioned actually, is that, uhh, another thing was, with, uh, Cleo and Scott in Real Life.
All this talk of Pearlo betraying people, are we not gonna realise that people have betrayed me in the life series? With a split decision? I’m just sayin’. They ain’t innocent. (laughs) Just sayin’, I think— I think 5am Pearl had every right to do what I did. Throw in um, what is it, the fuel on the fire for this one?
Character arcs. It’s cool to see how people analyse them, so I’ve been seeing a little bit of that. Especially with the new, uh, “I don’t love you” line that I got last session. Love you Gem. Always will. Even when you say no. (laughs) Even if you don’t, I’ll still be there. It’s fine. (laughs)
“Do it for the plot, Pearl” Basically.
(clip ends)
#she’s so right for the SL thing people pretending scar won alone just because he said “how’d the guy with no friends win”#ever heard of an unreliable narrator guys. guys pearl was right there. guys#so funny when she realises it’s just what gem thinks and goes like ahh okay that makes sense but /why/#also so funny when she says i only hit her once. HELP. girl listen to yourself rn#cleo and scott. man. the way she switches between third and first person and seems to be talking about both DL and RL is very on-brand#also only a hardcore gempearl fan who stalked every tag after wl ep 2 could’ve jumped as hard as i did#when she pointed out the “i don’t love you” line. oh she definitely saw that one fanart#and then obviously the bit about gem. the dichotomy between this and whatever the subnautica clip was#please i’m gonna lose it they remind me of DL zombiewood
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the tragedy of James and Mary Sunderland is one of the most heartbreaking and (most importantly) human stories I’ve ever had the joy in witnessing
#they are just two amazingly complex characters#especially James but that’s mostly cause he’s the protagonist#and maybe because I’ve experienced and witnessed the burnout that comes with being a caregiver to someone but it’s just so human to me#and then the guilt you feel when that person passes (even if the circumstances were different) it hits hard#I’m also frustrated that James gets boiled down to the guy who killed his wife#the whole game is exploring WHY he did that and how much he regrets it#and how good people can do bad things#there’s no black and white to sh2 it’s all foggy shades of grey#sorry about the tangent in my own tags#i just think James is neat#like a bug under a microscope#james sunderland#mary shepherd sunderland#silent hill 2#silent hill 2 remake#silent hill
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they are doing Great
(inspired by this post from @ineffable-romantics)
#if you think the divorce didnt hit them equally hard i dont know what to tell you#crowleys gonna deepdive into depression and aziraphale is gonna pretend to focuss on work#but in reality he´s crying in the broom closet because he saw a cloud that reminded him of crowley#misery all around guys#i cant wait for the reunion its gonna get so bitchy and awkward#good omens#good omens fanart#good omens spoilers#gos2 spoilers#gos2#ineffable husbands#crowley#aziraphale
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have we ever thought abt the fact that zuko is literally azula's older brother. like she's his little sister. that's his little sister. throughout a big, big part of atla plot, he was actively running away, scared of his little sister killing him because he KNEW she would/could. can you imagine that? your little sibling, wanting more your father's approval than your companionship to the point of death? every time they fought, zuko was fighting his baby sister. azula was fighting her big brother. this is making me so sick. they were 16 and 14 years old.
#avatar the last airbender#atla#atla zuko#atla azula#zuko#azula#hey look i posted a thing#the absolute maddening grief of it all. like what do u mean??? thats his lil baby sister!!! what the fuck!!!#when she was a bby he was probably so protective and they were so small n they must have loved each other then#before the responsibilities ozai put on them. before all that. they were siblings. they loved each other.#until they were taught that did not matter. zuko learned that it did again#despite all the pain of it#azula actively ran away from learning it from feeling that pain#because she would rather be hated and feared and powerful than to ever be weak ever#this is so heartbreaking#i think this hits especially hard cuz me n my sis are like 2/3 years apart in age. like. i could not imagine having to fight her to the dea#i just couldnt. i rly rly couldnt
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people who undermine the importance of izuku and katsuki's relationship throughout bnha because of "annoying shippers" or because they just don't like katsuki are insane because their relationship is literally so? important??? to the entire story???? katsuki is the deuteragonist of bnha. he was one of the first characters to show up. he was the first other person to know about OFA. so much of the manga is spent showing his development. if you deny his character development and relationship development ("relationship" does not always mean romantic relationship) with izuku, you are quite literally denying a massive part of the series. the manga starts with them and ends with them. you're allowed to dislike him but if you dislike him so much that you, in turn, start hating how izuku is a "punching bag" or a "doormat" for the entire series because he doesn't stay angry and vengeful at people even though a massive part of his character is that he's compassionate and kind even to people who aren't to him or used to not be, and you seriously think that that makes him weak, and you just start to dislike the main two characters of the series, i think you should. idk. stop reading, probably. read the revenge fantasy shit that you obviously want to read. there are like seven million manhwa available to you where the character gets the revenge you so desperately want to see.
#someone on twitter kinda pissed me off#bnha#mha#bkdk#bakudeku#katsuki bakugou#bakugou katsuki#izuku midoriya#midoriya izuku#i hope this post is understandable bc i am so tired rn#also can i just mention how these people so obviously project onto izuku#how much does katsuki have to atone for you guys#i'm not saying what he did WASN'T fucked up but at what point do you guys think he “earns” forgiveness?#apparently he didn't earn it when he: apologized. took a hit for izuku. died because he became the closest person to him.#felt guilty over his actions. cried because he felt guilty and wanted them to compete forever.#spent 8 years funding a fancy expensive suit that could allow izuku to have his greatest dream back.#like i genuinely don't understand what else he could possibly do#he experiences misfortune for being the way that he is (even if not directly reprimanded for it often) and he learns and grows from it#and if you say “he could've permanently died” izuku would have Fucking Hated that actually.#the main character you project so hard onto would have hated it and cried his eyes out and mourned for his childhood friend-slash-bully#proof? see his reaction when he literally saw katsuki lying dead on the ground. he started hyperventilating.#izuku midoriya is NOT A SELF INSERT CHARACTER.
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i saw this tweet and found it interesting for two reasons. one is that some people base how good cartoon network would be to toh by how it treated su, and despite the fact that su’s treatment by the network was considered poor at the time, now its thought to be exceptionally good in comparison to modern shows.
two is how exactly su got impacted by a limited budget. a common criticism is how characters like connie, peridot, and lapis are left out of missions. but balancing a lot of characters is not only hard but also costly (extra animation, extra voices—it’s been revealed that the show is limited to a set number of characters per episode otherwise they’re over budget). animation mistakes are not uncommon since retakes cost extra. the entire reason the original show got cut short was due to loss of funding!
#i don’t know if pay rates differ per networks#but a.ivi and s.urrashu have said that they needed to work outside of su in order to make sufficient funds#it only makes me wonder what other ways su suffered from a lower budget#that we as the audience never got to see#in the vein of the too-little characters complaint#another part of that is that low-stakes episodes should’ve been abt the main cast instead of the townies#like last one out of beach city and too short to ride vs restaurant wars and kiki’s pizza delivery service#i definitely see that especially since that isn’t budget related#nor would it seem to be network related (even if cn had an ‘episodic episodes’ quota it could still be abt the gems#(another side note: /would/ cn even have a requirement that the show make episodes that can be watched standalone?#this is a question for the people who were around when su was airing#what episodes often got rerun?#was it the townie eps or the lore eps?#for example i heard that su once did a ‘peridot event’ where they just reran peridot episodes#which had eps that skip around in the show#did they even care about airing the story so that it made sense anyways?#id get it if the low stakes townie episodes were the ones getting rerun))#but i have such a boring view on that which is i think it’s simply because the creators like townie eps#like in interviews r.ebecca s.ugar has said she’s the type to be really invested in background characters#answers in interviews have been crafted in ways to hide what’s really going on though tbf#prime example of this is rebecca and ian saying the wedding being interrupted was meant to follow the common trope#when later in the art book they said that it was bc cn rejected the ep bc it ‘wasn’t interesting enough’#both could simultaneously be true! it’s a psychology thing though where people make up nice-sounding explanations behind what they create#in retrospect because they want it to be thought out in such a nice way they believe in it#the bigger problem is that not matter how many episodes there are of them#it can be hard for ppl to be invested in the townies the same way they are invested in the main cast#i’m sure that a million writers have made surefire advice on how to get an audience to care about characters#but off the top of my head i think it’s because 1. most don’t have strong motivations to get truly invested in#(exception is ronaldo but people find him too annoying to care about him)#okay i had more points and explanations but i hit the tag limit and idk if anyone is actually reading this so bye
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HYUNJIN | MAMA 2020 ENDING
#hwang hyunjin#stray kids#hyunjin#bystay#createskz#staysource#malegroupsnet#a9gifs#flashing tw#*gif#*ccarly#*hyunjin#*carly:hyunjin#i was bored but didn't know what to gif so#i was just looking thru my ts files and remembered this. and was like i think that was kinda hard to color let me try#i did this for me because this is top 3 hyunjins of all time for me but also this is for new stays that haven't seen him#the way they had him do this to promote kingdom and then he wasn't even on it lollllll#this was also taking forever to upload i opened a post to complain about it and it uploaded LMAO works every time!#*hits
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Marzipan <3
I was immediately drawn to Marz I’m my first exocolonist playthrough mostly cause of her being the biggest kid and I loved that she was still considered pretty. Her whole thing with her augment kind of explaining some of why how she was how she was is so interesting to me.
(she also was kind of the worst as a child but what I adore about her is how much she can grow, also she actually likes it when you aren’t a yes man.)
I have an urge to do fun typography with exocolonist illustrations but my Adobe fonts weren’t loading on procreate and it’d probably be better just to use illustrator instead but I just kinda fave up for now.
#cal was the second one I was drawn to because he also had a connection to sols parents#so he related to their grief#and the dad stuff particularly hit hard cause the dad literally looks my dad AND my dad irl was a farmer for many years#fairmerthefarmer art#i was a teenage exocolonist fanart#I struggled with this side profile for so long with face proportions and I think it still may be off#but we are just calling it good here.#i was a teenage exocolonist#iwatex#artists on tumblr#my art <3#character art#marzipan#digital illustration#procreate#fanart#gaming#cozy gaming
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It's kind of funny that Kendall and Shiv are both equally delusional about their ability to charm people for business and somehow think they can do it even though they choke almost every single time, whereas it's like the one thing Roman is consistently good at despite being the "least legitimate" option.
I think part of this comes down to the fact that Shiv and Kendall both have very clear ideas of the versions of themselves they're trying to be and the images they're trying to project, and they're trying so hard to be seen that way that they end up coming off as a little desperate and off-putting. Meanwhile Roman "knows" that there's something wrong with him and he's worthless, so he doesn't get sucked into the trap of trying to force people to see his idea of himself and instead molds himself into whatever he thinks the other person wants from him because that's the only way he can compensate for "being him," which works very well in the short term but also means he's the least capable of maintaining any relationship for very long because he has no sense of self.
#this was going to be a joke about kendall consistently failing to charm anyone that isn't stewy (and still for some reason thinking he's#good at it) but then i thought about it too hard and started connecting dots#but it is really interesting on a character level to analyze the different ways the siblings act when they're trying to win someone over#kendall and shiv will try to find common ground but they always end up pushing too hard and overplaying their hands because they're#focusing too much on wanting to get the person to take them seriously or see them the way they want to be seen#and roman will test the waters a bit but not say anything definitive until he get the person talking and can see what it is they want#and then just says whatever it is he thinks they want to hear#which also makes a lot of sense with the abuse dynamics since he was the one most likely to actually get hit so the goal is to just make#sure dad never gets angry at you and tell him whatever you need to to avoid that because the consequences will be worse#anyways its 2 am here you go#succession#kendall roy#shiv roy#roman roy
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Okay so I'm gonna ramble more about 'The Wild Robot': spoiler alert:
Brightbill was never supposed to come this far, he's what they call a runt, the odds were stacked against him from the beginning of his life. He got raised by Roz and became the odd man out, they bullied him, no one accepted him. All that happens and he starts internalizing that hate..
But then the importance of a support system is shown, because even as Brightbill wants to quit, Roz won't let him, and not only her but Fink and Thunderbolt start supporting him too:
This is so amazing, because what Brightbill has been led to believe is a disadvantage Thunderbolt lets him know it's not, that it's even beautiful.
Not only that but he compliments Brightbills wings after making him, not letting him, but making him show his wings off, rewiring his beliefs.
Then you have the way Longneck took him under his wing among all those bullies, and all he did was be gentle with him and believing in him, and they did an amazing job in showing how important that is, making Brightbill take the lead to get all the geese out.
What made me even more emotional is that this moment Roz tells him: "Remember, there's nothing he can do that you can't". We see him repeating the same thing later on
motivating the rest the same way his momma did...
"Fly like you, not like them". You may not be able to fly like them, but you can fly like you, and it might take a little longer and a little more work, but you'll get there.
Its so beautiful to see what wonders a support system does. What a beautiful movie to all the people who grew up or are living with disadvantages that slow their progress, this gives some hope, that Endurance is a mighty force, we'll get there eventually.
#I think especially now that Im tutoring some kids this hits me hard#because those kiddos are so insecure#so ashamed of making mistakes#so ashamed that they cant perform better and read faster and remember things#and it makes me so sad#especially when i see them get shy when I compliment them#or when they make their accomplishments less#the support system is so important#so insanely important for kids and adults alike#the wild robot#brightbill#roz the wild robot#rozzum unit 7134#fink the fox#pedro pascal#lupita nyong'o
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content note: discussion of suicide.
this next monday will be the six year anniversary of losing one of my friends to suicide.
when he died, my high school barely mentioned his death, even though for other students who died by things like car crashes or illness, there were so many public expressions of grief. they believed that having any memorials for a student who died by suicide would encourage other people to die the same way. in their rush to erase the circumstances of his death, they erased the memory of his life.
there are so many things i am angry at that high school about in terms of how they treated mental health (mandatory reporting and collaborating with cops, their refusal to recognize the ways in which that system led to peer-to-peer crisis support, their refusal to recognize the ways that trying to keep each other alive through trial and error was scary and exhausting, carceral disciplinary policies, etc etc etc). but i think one of the things i am still angriest about is the way they enforced shame around his death. it felt like they were retroactively blaming him for the constellation of circumstances that made suicide an option in his life. it felt like they were blaming those of us who missed him and cared about him and wanted to grieve him. it made those of us still there who were actively suicidal feel even more scared about the reaction if we did reach out for help from one of those mythical safe adults.
as an adult now involved in psych abolition/mad liberation work, it makes me so fucking mad to see the ways in which he was discarded by people in authority positions. and the older i get, the more options i have found in my life for making sense of the world and finding healing and community and support which were never available to him because he died when he was 16 and the only things offered to him were a carceral psychiatric system that blamed him for his own fucking death. it feels so incredibly unfair.
i miss him and i think i always will; i can't remember his laugh or the sound of his voice or his favorite color any more and that aches. this grief is so heavy and it feels harder in a new way each year, when i become older than he will ever be. sometimes meeting new comrades or seeing new anticarceral suicide support models hurts because i wish so fucking bad that we had that back then. i remember how close we came to losing even more people that year and i know it is simple fucking luck that i'm still here when he's not.
i remember another letter (never sent) that i wrote to a friend while they were in an ICU bed after a suicide attempt when i didn't know if they would live or not. i have spent so much time in the past 10 years begging for anything to keep me and my friends alive, but even in that letter i knew that there is so much fucking violence that is hidden beneath psychiatric logics of cure and safety that promise a "solution" to suicide. I knew that institutionalization, coercion, and shame would not have helped build a life more liveable for him or **** or any of the people i've loved and lost since.
there needs to be more fucking options for care and support that aren't so incredibly cruel to suicidal people. i know so many people doing incredible work in alternatives, peer respite, a million different frameworks for healing and liberation. but it makes me so mad every day i have to live in a world where there are still people restrained, locked up in psych wards, having all autonomy and personhood taken away from them. knowing there are dozens of people every day getting blamed for their deaths the same way he was blamed for his.
i miss him. i cared so fucking much for him. and he died by suicide, and all of those things are true. he has been dead for 6 years and he lived before that and the people who loved him want to remember all of him; our celebrations of his life should not require hiding the way that he died.
Image description: [1000 origami cranes in all different colors and patterns that are tied together in strings of 25]
(these were the 1000 cranes we made to give to his parents, in memorial and recognition of how much he meant to us.)
#personal#suicide tw#suicide mention tw#psych abuse tw#psych ward tw#ok to reblog if u want#psych abolition#mad liberation#psych survivor#it's a lot of grief hours over here and will be for a while all week i think#lots of grief so many ways this year for so many people#but this week. his memory . my grief for him#is hitting especially hard. i think partially because of all the transitions in my life. i'm graduating college. he will never become an ad#adult.#i think i might ask my roommates if they will go do something to remember him with me. maybe making origami cranes and sending them off in#the river. or writing things down and burning them#idk. grief is hard#six years in grief is different. but hard
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Don’t think I ever quite said what my LGBTQ+ headcanons are for the boys, so these are my current thoughts! Always changing of course but this is what I feel most strongly right now.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#rise donnie#rise leo#rise mikey#rise raph#donnie and leo’s sexualities being practically swapped was unintentional but it works way too well#same with mikey and raph tbh it was a happy accident#anyway I kinda hc raph as the type who doesn’t care about physical appearance just if you fight lol#Mikey’s more than happy with friends and family#Donnie is a BIG romantic but he needs time to sus a person out fully before he gets the hots for them#leo meanwhile isn’t keen on romance unless it’s with someone he grows to really really REALLY trust#I could go on and probably will later (knowing me) but it is late and I am tired haha#turtle art tag#curious as to what everyone else headcanons#the only one of these I’ll defend forever is Bi (female-leaning) donnie and trans leo#all the others can change over time but I really like where they’re sitting right now#I hope these are the right flags too because it was kinda hard to find them#went looking for transmasc flag in particular but I couldn’t find a solid agreed upon version 😭#ngl a big part of why I hc mikey as aro is because of a pun#my phone often misspells aromantic as aromatic and- and you get it- because aromatic herbs and- and Mikey is a chef do YOU GET IT#note that while I hc leo as bisexual (male-leaning) I still think he’s prob closer to demi in that as well just not as far into the spectrum#if that makes sense#headcanons are fun and hard to narrow down at the same time alas#I made this in like an hour can you tell djjdjd#I drew them all from memory so if there’s anything wrong…shhh#and if you’re wondering for April and Splinter#Both are Bisexual (female-leaning) but April is also Panromantic#I almost wanna make Splinter demiromantic too so Big Mama’s betrayal hits just a bit harder
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I lived, bitches.
#pain isn't too bad so far but I assume that will change tomorrow because day of you usually still have some anesthetic in your system#also I'm PRETTY sure they fucked up and gave me too much anesthesia because I've had surgery five other times and never been hit this hard#including the major ankle surgery a year ago which was fine#and they clearly wanted to move me out but it took well over an hour for nausea to stop#at least the nausea has finally stopped though#and they had to keep putting the nasal cannula back because I wasn't breathing deeply enough on my own and my O2 stats were too low#so yeah I think the anesthesiologist did not do Fat People Math correctly in the same way that manufacturers of plus size clothing#sometimes try to make it bigger all over and fail at making a garment that fits#surgery itself was apparently fine and very textbook
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