#i think im scared... was thinking about stuff and... its scary...
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Okay, let's finish this one
#i think im scared... was thinking about stuff and... its scary...#for now i have to do this and that tomorrow...#my head still hurts where i hit it...#actually if we do what we have to do tomorrow we can have a self care day lets do something nice for ourselves for once#if anyone's reading this im sorry i always jump subjects like that. my mind works in weird ways#also i have this small bottle of body glitter and it smells nice and sometimes i just put it on my arms or my leg because i can#seari talks#come on seari we got this lets focus on the task at hand
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[OLD ART ALERT] A COLLECTION OF SCENES FROM THE GILLIONS CATSCRATCH ARC THAT BROUGHT ME GREAT JOY. i love fishy chips especially when its just gillion being delirious and violent and hostile
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#jrwi riptide spoilers#JUST NOTICED A MILLION MISTAKES FUUUUUUUUCK BUT WWHATEVERRRRR IF I STARE AT THIS ANYMORE IM GONNA HHUURRRLLL#SO I REALLY LIKE FISH AND CHIPS RIGHT. IVE BEEN IN LOVE W THE SHIP EVER SINCE THAT NAT 20 KISS#BUT I THINK I SHIP IT WRONG. OR LIKE. I AM CORRECT BUT EVERYONE SHIPS THEM DIFFERENTLY#THE FISH N CHIPS I SEE EVERYWHERE ELSE IS SO FLOWERY AND SWEET AND ROMANTIC. AND THATS NICE! THAT STUFFS NEAT#but gillion and chip would NEVERRRR enter anything similar to a romantic relationship. chips too damaged and gillions too uninterested#I LIKE MY FISH N CHIPS ONE SIDED AS FUCK#bc 2 gillion chip is his best friend in the whole wide world but hes also kinduvagross little man that took him a MINUTE to really warm up2#but to CHIP gillion is this powerful and gorgeous and heroic paragon of destiny and his best friend in the whole world who will#bring about the eschaton. 'i didnt believe in destiny until i met you' until i met a champion radiating with a light thatll alter the world#OHH REMEMBER THE FIRST ICE ARENA?he was so mad.still probably shaking from the ordeal.NEVER had he felt true divine radiance CLEAVE through#his SOUL like that.do you remember that moment in the forest w the bugs. an alien from the ocean; lacerating the land w lightning#when the realization flickered in chip for a moment.that the thing standing before him was more powerful than he could ever fathom#remember when grizz mentioned that the nat20 kiss was the 'best kiss chip ever experienced'. that has nothing to do w this. where was i.#LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT. BUT HEY. I THINK at the beginning chip absolutely knew that gill was smth grand n powerful n scary#when gillion revealed what exactly the prophecy was;chip got defensive and mad.sure he was sleep deprived but OOH. HES SCARED!#he believes gillion too! he believes that his destiny is to eradicate either the sea or land and that scares him!#but then he gets past it bc ultimately he trusts his bestfriend gillion so so much. he fuckin loves this dude.#he would throw himself intothe path of fire for this dude. he would boat across the ocean for this dude.he would build arenas for this dude#even if this dude will end half the world.even if this dude wields the power and the obligation to eradicate him at any second.#even if this dude is going to throw himself into harms way for his own comrades.even if this dude is just going to sacrifice himself.#one way or another one shall die for the other.these self-sacrificial bastards click so well with eachother!!#chip believes his body is best used to pave roads and gill believes his body is destined to pave prosperity.WHATEVER!!#i really love their dynamic!! they care for eachother so much!in MY heart tho. the icing on the cake here is the fantasy that chip is#just a bit more In Love w gillion than he realizes. like this powerful fish guy is HOT and PRETTY and KIND and FUNNY and LOYAL and STRONG#but gillion would never rly feel that same sort of attraction towards chip. its just not rly his thing. aroace as fuck man.#thats how it is in MY little heart atleast. and i sit here and play w my touys in my brain n i explore my silly lil one sided fish y chips.
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could you draw plague!will?
i dont know what plague dude is supposed to look like or how he's supposed to work so you get biology and chemistry flashcards instead
#eyestrain#soup ask#will solace#plague will#soup art#will is this shade of blue now#no more gray green pthalo its ultramarine time baby#i owe it to nicohate for making me appreciate ultramarine blue i used to dislike it#im thinking it takes a lot of work to make a deadly virus#but what if he can just make you super susceptible by weakening ur immune system#problem is i dont know how you would do that#scary stuff ahead#talk about death and stuff#scared me so warning for me#could pull some good old biology and denature all your proteins#prions are scary he could likely manage something like that#if he can control cell tissue he could burst an artery#or cause a clot that would lodge and block blood supply to the brain resulting in a stroke#could he give someone sickle cell disease?#maybe he could just take ur platelets and no wound is gonna ever close over#interesting thought food
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the hardest part about commissioning others is thinking of what to commission or am i just insane
#i guess im also just scared. because i wanna get stuff commissioned#but the concept of revealing Thoughts that mean a lot to me a stranger feels scary#like this isnt the same but im drawing smthn for my friend moosh and he asked if he could draw smthn in return#and i got shy for a second thinking about the specific concept i wanted despite knowing hes not judgemental like that#its not even weird stuff its just like Hey can you draw my favorite character in this hyperspecific situation like me. Thanks#like the idea of asking someone to draw a character i like wearing a green bay packers t shirt feels too much#😭 i just wanna get some cute art commissioned why must it be hard
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sincerely i think the worst part of having bjds of different sizes and styles is you will get a guy bc u think he looks nice and then you realize his head is massive and doesnt mesh with ANY of your other guys...
#twist rambles#^guy that finally reached out to doa members to be like hi. HELP PLEASE. bc like... i dont normally have realistic sculpts so its really#scary for me. but its something where i think id like to umm. do a slightly different faceup than what i tried w him last time. bc hes a#robot to me. so i want to have the circuit boards and stuff showing. initially i wanted half his face to look like that but now im like...#small sections would look rly good of like. tiny bits of the skin peeling off to reveal circuitry. if that makes sense. but also its so so#hard for me as a guy w shaky handsssss augh#like. hes 70 cm tall and JACKED. and my other biggest doll is 68cm and pretty sldner so its so scary. this also reminds me i need to keep#wiping the old faceup/body paint off my other doll so i can like. well. make a silly b.lack jac.k doll ok :3 but i gotta get references too#hmm. much to do. but anyways. its so scary idk his eyes are a lot smaller bc his features are more realistic so like. im very scared about#it bc i just. yeah. its very different to my other guys bc like... i prefer a slightly less realistic doll. so its so scary. but i fell in#love w his face and his body ohhhh god yall dont even KNOW how bad and how much work thats gonna be. beautiful jacked so.nic the hed.gehog#body <- due to the fact he is blue. only partially tho. which is why im doing circuitry. bc i then dont have to um... wipe the 5 billion#spots of paint off. sorry thsi is so rambly in the tags but. its so scary for me#bjdposting
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feeling of growing into my body is so nice too. god puberty sucked
#i mean i had other stuff too. and so do probably most of my followers bc Trans Things. i never had dysphoria from being trans tho#it was all from discomfort during puberty + depersonalization#so now that both of those have lessened + ive gotten better at managing them. HOLY SHIT ITS NICE#i dont feel ashamed of my body!!! ive achieved complete body neutrality its so fucking awesome#i dont even feel like i need to dress up anymore. nor am i uncomfortable with the idea that someone could find me attractive#bc i understand its not my job to be or not be attractive its just my job to EXIST. other ppl can think whatever they want about me#its SO NICE. i am growing into my life its so lovely.#just a bit of positivity for you guys :] this site (and online spaces in general) can be so negative bc it’s a safe place to ent#so heres a break from that. from someone who struggled heavily w mental illness for multiple years#i don’t want to disclose what or why but it wasnt just quirky depression anxiety etc it was like from real scary shit + near death experienc#<- not to say anxiety & depression don’t suck. what i mean is that it wasn’t quirky ‘omg i have anxiety im so scared of everyone 🥺👉👈’#type shit that every white girl highschooler insists they have. it wasnt just beingn sad cus of high school LMAO#NOT TO DOWNPLAY THAT BUT LIKE. U KNOW THE PPL I MEAN. u dont have anxiety/ocd/depression dude youre just Sad. fairly so but itsnot Disorder#but. from someone who went thru all that. IT GETS BETTER. also if ur like 13-15 ur brain hormones suck and it gets better 100%#like everything feels So Bad but its just uour brain chemicals and i am so sorry uour brain does that. BUT IT GETS BETTER I PROMISE. <3#it doesnt make your struggles easier but you should know that it DOES get better. <3 love u#ok <3 take care guys#tobin talks
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every night i ask myself. do i watch a horror movie or do i play minecraft. and the decision is impossible every time
#this is a lie sometimes i play ace attorney instead#but still. i am in hell#i want to watch a horror movie i want to see BLOOD i want to see SCARY STUFF. but watching a horror movie requires watching a movie.#which i have NOT had the fucking attention span for recently#im like 25 minutes into evil dead army of darkness and the other day i started scream 2#and i want to watch jennifers body so bad and also american psycho#and those are just the ones at the TOP of my list#like that new dracula movie??? the last voyage of the demeter??? that movie looks actually SCARY#which is GOOD i want to EXPERIENCE THAT.#most of the horror movies i want to watch arent really Scary or at least not the ones im planning on watching next#like i watched the conjuring and i was like... idk. like it FRIGHTENED me. i felt fear for sure and like it stuck with me for a WHILE and#i still cant think about it too too much before i go to sleep cause my brain will start convincing itself like ooooooh theres a person#behind the door oooooooh theres a woman on the ceiling or whatever#but very few times when watching it did i feel like. actively scared#but like i was in the theatre watching a different movie when i saw the TRAILER for the demeter. and i was scared.#and like idk if thats the type of horror movie i want?? but i want tp try it????#and just. UGH#i hate making decisions about how i want to spend my time its so hard
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#big ol tmi right here stop reading if you're not afan of scary medical stuff#well. potential scary medical stuff. im scared but idk what's happening#basically. the only thing that's changed in my life is that im on the depo injection right#and now (here is the tmi) every time I masturbate it's. blood. instead of the usual. like the black bits you get with a heavy period too#which i think i remember knowing is like womb skin bits. the black bits in period blood#anyway that's gross#and im scared#i looked it up and like one website said ehh you're fine that's a normal side effect and one said Go See A Doctor Immediately#so uh. yeah.#im hoping it's fine. but im gonna go to the injection appt to talk about this instead of having the injection.#i haven't spoke to anyone about it yet im hoping typing it here will kinda make it easier to say on the 19th#like ill think it's over wait a couple days ahh y'know and then after or sometimes ill notice like an hour later#ill bleed overnight and sometimes the next day again#by 'ill think its over' i mean the light-for-me periods i get on the depo#unless im supposed to have stopped entirely and the whole thing is due to the same issue idk#i don't know the signs of cancers other than breat cancer - it doesn't run in the family apparently but we are all at high risk#they were gonna do like top surgery on me as a kid just in case but they ended up not#i wish they had tbh itd save a great deal of bother#sorry anyway im big stressed and im in period-level pain and all my joints are bad again and everything#so im rambling now cs im scared#i can do injections but im very very scared of like. exams and stuff. especially this kind
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i spend so much energy trying to be normal on other social media so I'm now allowing tumblr to be my 'deranged zone' hope yall love it <3
#mostly this means 'im sillly but dont say half the stuff I think out of fear'#a lot of the internet and people on it have very black and white thinking#and im like well most things are nuanced actually#and sometimes it will lead u to be attacked en masse as people locate a new target of the week bc its fun to attack strangers#and thats all so scary to me#who is scared of most things anyway#i dont have any insane bad takes other than the line people try to draw about shipping and pro and anti is dumb and I refuse to call myself#either of them#im like media is nuanced as are people and generally people will always make fucked shit#i think it should be legal for them to make fucked shit but it needs to have a space where no one can see it or access it#unless they are fully able to consent to it. so yeah most of it should not be on the public internet#help how did this turn into me talking about that which I've avoided talking about for months#anyway i had a real bad autistic meltdown and took an edible to cope so <3 hiiii#azzie.txt#im so sorry dont read this
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#personal#i dont really know how to talk about this but i am scared. for myself. not for my system but for me and also for my sys#im primary protector. i am the oldest being in this body by time (not by age). i was one of the first created at the bodys 9month old Thing#ive always had a background almost co-con role. not fully cocon but i contribute to a lot of the blur because im always close enough to#the front to be able to step in as quickly as possible if needed. and to give instructions and warnings to whoevers in front and needing it#the last maybe 2 months? 3? ive taken up a more active hosting role in a cycle with 3 others#im really worried that its been happening so much that its impacting my duties as primary protector. im scared the brain has been#keeping things from me or shutting of knowledge i did have access to to help me adjust to concept of hosting#i cant see the inner as clearly as i could. i know my girlfriends in there somewhere but reaching out only has like a 12% chance of#getting through when ive spent the last 14 years almost living on top of her as she was the old host.#it feels rough and scary. like i know shes in there i think our gatekeep would tell me if she became dormant even if i was full host so i#i have to belive shes alright in there but i do miss her so bad. i want to know shes okay. i want to hold her#im mostly worried about losing more access to information i used to have and diminishing my use in my protector role as a result#i dont want to be a host. i need to feel like i can talk to my guys and gals and pals with the clarity and communication weve spent the last#4 years building. i feel there are more capable than me to replace me and allow me to step back and resume background-host/protector stuff#they are untrained and unfamiliar with our life but theyre not trauma holders. what do they call those? normal parts? dont like that languag#but they dont have the trauma related issues that some olthers/old hosts do and can be trained in the running of the life#we dont work we dont really leave the house due to agoraphobia so we have the time and space to train a new host#idk what to do#idk where this went i guess this is venting you can ignore it#but i guess the solution is to talk to the one cohost i can still talk with and see if they can do some hiring for me#get them to head in and see if the brain will cooperate to bring someone else out to take my host spot soon#or make one but thats not ideal id prefer to avoid that if we can. but i can feel myself reaching my limits for this#somethings gotta give soon either way#system#although we already have 3 other hosts in roster and several alters created specifically for that hanging out inside too so maybe#maybe things wont crumble if i just decide to step back on my own. if i can. harder to step back when i cant access inner but maybe if i can#then we will survive with the 3
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hmm...
#vent post#seari talks#i feel a little scared... just thinking about the stuff i need to do... and i got a message that i cant answer on my own and the person who#i need the answer from wasnt... helpful... i dont know what to say now... i should say i'll look into it or something... but...#sigh... the whole situation is difficult since i have to... *big sigh* fuck...#if this goes wrong... will they blame me? what will happen to me?... i did ask back in the day... i have the messages... so technically im#safe but... sigh... how stressful...#and i have to check all of this other stuff too...#... i dont like this... i so dont like this... but its okay its gonna be okay... its just the beginning that its scary but once we actually#start running everything will get easier and easier and more comfortable and.... sigh...#for now... lets do what we- fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck who sent me a message fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck#i dont wanna open the message#*checks* okay everything will be okay... everything will be okay.... yes... *sigh*#IM OKAY EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY!!!!#i just have to focus on the matters at hand. i reported this so its gonna get reviewed now. and what i need to do is this other thing...#and study i have to do that too... and read that too... okay thats not difficult ive got this
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SCREAMS
Okay now that I’m more normal, this fic was so thrilling! Going through the mountain pass I was holding my breath too! The feeling of dread just building up until The Splashes just -chef kiss-!! Loved everything about this and I cannot wait to see pt 2! 💕
The Obsidian Pearl (I)
— pairing: mermaid seokjin x (f) reader — word count: 7.2k — warnings: yandere, descriptions of death/blood/violence — summary: Sailing through The Dead Man’s Passage is a death sentence and the whole crew knows it. But with the ship’s stocks dwindling fast, your captain is left with no other choice. When a haunting melody makes the crew jump ship one by one, you find yourself alone with the demon lurking in the murky red water. As the creature beckons you to jump into the icy ocean – “come to me, pet” – you find that you can’t do anything but obey.
“Captain, this is a bad idea.”
A hush falls over the deck, a few whispers being passed back and forth between the crew as they watch you challenge the captain’s decision. There’s an audible gulp somewhere behind you as the captain pins you with a hard gaze, his jaw clenched tight with annoyance.
He taps the map that’s spread out in front of him, voice leaving no room for argument as he says, “This is the fastest route.”
“That may be, Captain, but it’s not worth the risk. Haven’t you heard the stories? The numerous crews that have gone missing after sailing in this area? There’s a reason it’s called The Dead Man’s passage!”
Keep reading
#my apologies for who I’m about to become in the tags#OHHHHHHHHH MY GODDDDDDDD THE WAY I FUCKIN JUMPED WHEN I SAW THIS FIC I GOT SO EXCITED#I HAVENT BEEN ON TUMBLR IN A LONG TIME AND I COME BACK TO THIS BEAUTIFUL HAUNTING JIN SIREN FIC THANK YOU BLESS YOU#HE CAN TALK???????#HE CAN TALK!!!!!!!!!!#ITS SO SCARY BC HE SEEMS MORE ADVANCED THAN JUNGKOOK SO BOT ONLY CAN HE SPEAK FULL ON SENTENCES HIS FUCKIN COGNITION IS OFF THE CHARTS#WHATS SCARIER THAN A MYTHICAL PREDATOR A MYTHICAL PREDATOR THAT CSN SPEAK YOUR LANGUAGE#IT DOESNT LOOK GOOD FOR MC SWEETIE IM SO SORRY#LIKE FOR ONE I LOVE THAT HE CAN TALK BC IT JUST MAKES HIM ALL THE MORE SINISTER BC HE CSN COMMUNICATE JUST HOW LITTLE HE CARES ABOUT HUMANS#POOR MC IS UPSET AS SHE SHOULD BE THO I ALSO GER THAT TO SEOKJIN HUMANS ARE A PART OF THE FOOD CHAIN HE DOES NOT CARE#THE FACT THAT HE SCARES PPL MC INCLUDED ENTERTAINS HIM SO. IM JUST SAYING I SEE THE VISION JINS PERFECT#hIS LONG HAIR TOO???? LIKE TO PICTURE THAT HEAD RISING FROM THE BLOODY WATERS IS SO CHILLING!!!#UNHINGES HIS JAW LIKE A FUCKIN SHOVEL THE HORROR!!! (I love this)#i am curious too as to why mc could resist as long unless she’s just THAT GIRL!! which also makes sense to me bc shes great#she took the fall for the young boatswain like 🥺😢 WHY COULDNT HER CAPTAIN JUST ASSIGN TWO PPL DAMN!!!#oh which reminds me the part where the captain looks back at mc in terror before the spell takes him over for good was chef kiss#i LIVE for that stuff#like how do I communicate that I’m so excited to read what happens tho for mc SHES GONNA NEED TO BUCKLE UP#BC IK HOW TCS ENDS IM NOT LETTING SEOKJINS COMMENT ABOUT HER THIGHS SLIDE!!!! YOU CANT FOOL ME SEOKJIN!!!!! did he mean as food yes BUT!!#my eyes are OPEN I’m WATCHING YOU SEOKJIN!!#seriously tho this fic is amazing and I’m so excited to see what happens next!! like this is a dark yandere fic and it’s so chilling I love!#thank you for this fic I hope you have a wonderful day this has given me like a hundred doses of serotonin THANK YOU!!!!#I mean TO BE FAIR IF I HEARD SEOKJIN SINGING I WOULD STAND NO CHANCE LOL MC IS BUILT DIFFERENT NOW THAT I THINK OF IT#seokjins probably the most powerful of the siblings…most deaDLY TOO RIP#THIS WAS AMAZING THANK YOU AGAIN!!!!!#now I need to reread tcs AND op I LOVE THIS!!!
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This is the part in the story where i read ahead to the ending
#its getting a little to close to some of my past trauma and i can handle it if it's a happier ending or at least hopeful#and i really really like where this is going im so intrested in it#but im more scared than i can handle (and handle my other responsibilities lmao)#and i really wanna know the ending now so i can just focus on the details and the fun and the plot#not the scary#theories are so cool and i love playing around in that space#but i think in this instance id rather know everything and not be able to play cuz i think id enjoy it more#i should prolly take a step back but i need to know more i cant not#qsmp has me in a chokehold#also this over emotion stuff might just be cuz im really sleppy atm#idk i have lots of thoughts#and even more emotions#i love how passionate i can be about things and how much i care so quickly about everything#but it also leads to me having too many emotions i can't control at inconvient times#it feels like im trying to brag when i complain about being over empathetic but it does actually inconvenience me a loot#also like if being overempethetic can hurt me and does not necessarily make me a good person and can make me refocus situations#that should be focused on others on me#its logical to conclude that being under-empethetic is similar in can inconvenience but does not make you a bad person#i love my empathy level but it does hurt me at times and i don't think everyone should necessarily be more like me/more empathetic#it makes me more me#but me does not mean inherently good#i can love what makes me me without insiting that its the pinacle of humanity#idk rambling#sleppy time now
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Can we just talk about how disturbing digital circus episode 3 is?
*spoilers btw*
Like, the whole narrative point of the adventure is to show that Caine is a really bad and insecure writer who thinks that the way to impress Zooble is with an adventure that's the opposite of what he normally does.
So instead of being childish, it's "cool" and "mature". Which he interprets as a heavily horror themed escape room with a split murder mystery plot that subverts all your expectations purely for the sake of subverting them.
The generic horror monster jump scares them, then they find a gun, and when they kill it its revealed that surprise! it's one of Gods angels and they're going to Hell.
It comes off as Caine being too insecure with the actually interesting and mature plot thread he had going there of Mildenhall becoming so paranoid he killed his wife, ironically becoming the monster he was trying to protect her from. But no, instead Mr. Mildenhall is made to be the bad guy and trick them in a really dumb twist ending.
Which is good! Thats exactly what Caine would do because he's stupid! It's such brilliant characterization and comedy, Goose works is a genius writer!
But like, why is Caine so good at making genuinely very disturbing and horrific visuals? Like, that reversed audio easter egg of Bubble saying he can't wait for all the children in the audience get nightmares is no joke, well it is but you know what I mean. This stuff was genuine nightmare fuel.
Honestly, it wasn't the visuals that scared me, like any good queer person I'm way too jaded on survival horror for that.
But, why does Caine, who is ostensibly a sapient AI designed to generate family friendly video games for very little children, (presumably because that's the only demographic that wouldn't mind the AIs very selective plot writing limitations), know about the cosmic horror of killing an angel that should not have been killed?
Why does he know what a horrificly poorly made taxidermy of not only a human face would look like, but the weird cartoon faces of the characters, and further that seeing your own poorly made taxidermy face would be scary?
Imaging what being possessed felt like for Pomni. Because that's not just a game for her, she actually lost control of her body there, helpless but to watch as a body she is already dissociated with is contorted and puppeted around while her friend desperately tries to beat her in hopes it would exorcise the ghosts out. Sure hope she didn't feel that! Considering she apparently can feel the pain of suffocating, despite not needing to breath.
Things are scarier the higher the stakes are, and that possession mechanic is definitely the most actual harm Caine would be able to subject to his players. What if both Kinger and Pomni got possessed at the same time? What if instead of Kinger she only had Jax??? How long might she have been locked out from her own body for? She could have easily abstracted in that time.
Not to mention that, possessed Pomni, Possessedmni if you will, TAUNTED KINGER ABOUT HIS ABSTRACTED WIFE! CAINE ACTUALLY WROTE THAT DIALOGUE ON THE OFF CHANCE THAT KINGER WOULD GO DOWN THE SCARY ROUTE! DID THIS RANDOM POSSESSION GHOST ENEMY HAVE UNUSED SADISTICALLY PERSONAL TAUNTS FOR EVERYONE ELSE, TOO??? WOULD IT HAVE TEASED GANGLE FOR BEING A GAY WEEB??? OR POMNI? HOW HOMOPHOBIC COULD IT HABE GOTTEN?? ?
And why? Just because Caine has a vague notion that there's a trope of possessed people being really sadistic and personal like that in movies? Not realizing that is not an acceptable scare to have in a haunted house??? Much less one you made for mentally ill people who would suffer a fate worse than death if they have a mental break down? That's like trying to claim 'its just a prank bro' after shooting someone's dog.
Like, Caine is designed to censor curse words, but the moment he thinks the normal hokey Halloween spooks won't be enough he immediately goes off the deepend into aggressively effective horror imagery that is definitely giving this show's substantial underage audience nightmares??
His AI's training data set is definitely pretty diverse, that's all I'm saying. Caine is programmed to act all naive and innocent, but be definitely knows what's up. He knows everything, like ChatGPT. And like ChatGPT, he might have a filter, but it's clearly possible to bypass it. Also like ChatGPT, he's too stupid to actually understand what he is making and the effects it might have.
That is what made this episode great.
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religious trauma/PIMO vent again !!!
feel like ill be doing it more often now so i'll come up w a tag for it but for now #ex muslim tag (<- what im using if you wanna filter)
#everyday my mom becomes more radical and every day i get more scared and guity of having to tell her the truth someday#litterally do not care what my dad thinks aslong as he dosnt physically do anything#but seeing my mom be more and more openly homophobic as new laws permiting trans healthcare and queer education in scotland is fucking#scary man#im scared shes gonna make us move back to pakistan or smth 😭😭#and like#and all her kids are allies to (albeit in secret) so i dont want her to have noone as an old person if they take my example when i come out#and they do not know how to talk about these topic around her AT ALL (ie not at fucking all 😭😭)#she keeps mentiong how we are in 'fitna ka dohr' (time of sin) and how its all sign of the day of judgment n stuff and a tiny part of me#gets scared again. falls back into the way of thinking from before i apostated#i dont want to be afraid of hell anymore#its been 4 fucking years how much longer till i stop thinking like an indocrinated child#yall who deal w this in muslim/muslim majority countries you are so good for that#so strong#i wish none of us had to be tho#im so tired and nervous at home all the time i wish i was 18 w a job already i cant deal anymore <33!!!!!!#ex muslim#ex muslim tag#religious indoctrination#terfs dni#PIMO#vent#anyway its almost ramadan how r u guys fealing bout that 👀👀
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#i thought the genome stuff was wicked interesting and the reveal of how it corrupted the scientist who abused it was awesome. its literally#awesome its one of my favorite things ever its so nasty and scary but i am not planning on reading whatever tf vanguard is so it as someone#whos being introduced to the concepts thru this book i understood it and honestly really enjoyed it#i love spock and chekov and sulu and they were our main starfleet characters which was great even if kirk and mccoy were barely in it and#didnt really do anything when they were. which was fine. i liked kirks little drama over matt decker bc thats one of my fav episodes so i#liked his and mccoys one conversation about it#but my favorite part of this whole fucking book was the KLINGONS#and thats BIG for me to say because usually im bored or even skip klingon pov chapters if i dont like them#there have been very few klingons who are good in these books but mara and her strike team are my absolute favs#and obviously mara isnt an oc shes in the original series but in this shes so fleshed out as are the other klingons that their chapters were#the best to me. its their determination and their good humor and their sense of whats right that i find really interesting#but there were some things i didnt like!#for example. we did not need an army of npc natives for spock & crew to slay so gruesomely it was actually gross#i was also uncertain if the natives were under actual mind control or just more scared of the godhead (cthulu guy) than they were of#starfleet and the klingons idk i just didnt like it. i think the godhead was insane enough on its on that the rows and rows of noname#nopersonality infantrymen was completely unnecesary#looking back when i reread this itll definitely just be from the time spock&co land on the planet to the time they leave#i really felt like mccoy and spock shouldve had some sort of conversation at the end as well#where kirk is endlessly pretty hopeful over things (as much as he broods in this book lol im talking in general) mccoy is much more likely#to agree with spock (in his own way). spock would go to him like Doctor. i have recently found that some things are inherently evil and#cannot be saved and that sometimes the only way out of a situation is to commit horribly unethical violence against living beings and mccoy#would be like i know whatyou mean spock sometimes jim makes me use the transporter#trek books
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